#i've had such a good time revisiting it as an adult

[deweyduck]

NED'S DECLASSIFIED SCHOOL SURVIVAL GUIDE | 02x06b "Mondays"

[neil-gaiman]

hey mr gaiman. i saw that this post got revisited and wanted to address it.

i submitted this ask over a year ago on my old account and it was one of the stupidest things i ever did. it was my first tumblr account. id only been really online for a few weeks. i was 13. i was just coming back to school after a global pandemic.

ive been a fan of good omens for years and a fan of yours for longer. i was brought up reading odd and the frost giants and fortunately the milk, and as i got older i fell in love with your norse mythology book, good omens, snow glass apples, the sleeper and the spindle, and more.

i was excited to see one of my favorite authors on tumblr and tried to come up with the most bold and interesting ask i could think of.

i was rude and misinformed and it was a stupid choice of me to send it in with no thought.

but i got feedback. some in the form of kind suggestions. quite a few in the form of death threats and people telling me to kill myself.

while those specific messages were rude and hateful, the point got across. i educated myself to the best of my abilities, and eventually came back online.

not only did i misuse the term queerbaiting but i also implied that you were not an amazing supporter of the queer community. that’s absolutely incorrect. you’ve done so much for us with activism, representation, and overall kindness.

i wanted to address this ask that got so much attention because despite moving accounts i still feel guilt and shame every time i see it, or even when i interact with any of your posts at all. i need to actually address it.

also, i wanted a proper apology to be made. by no means am i now a saint. but im trying to be more thoughtful about thinking before i speak.

whether or not you decide to make a public response to this, i think ill find some peace knowing you’ve received this. ive needed closure on this for a long time.

im overjoyed and thrilled that season two is so close. thank you for tolerating the dumb questions of pretentious kids and thank you for helping to create a world where we can grow to be better than we were.

First of all, and most importantly, I'm really sorry that people were mean to you. That's awful. And nobody should ever have to deal with death threats or online threats and attacks, let alone a thirteen year old.

And secondly, you do not owe me an apology. I figure I have a Tumblr account, people ask things. Mostly they'll get nice replies, occasionally (normally when I'm being asked the same thing over and over) the replies will be terser. There has to be a certain amount of rough and tumble though, and occasionally I'll grab an ask that represents all of the asks I've had on that subject, and try and reply to all of them. That's what happened to you. I was getting tired of being accused of Queerbaiting for the occasional answer about a Season that was not yet released and about which nobody knew anything. And I needed to tell everyone who was doing this that they had to stop now. You had the misfortune to be the representative of all of the other people.

If you are not making mistakes you are not human and you are not learning anything.

(I wish there was tone of voice on the internet.)

And I think you are growing and learning and will make a fantastic adult.

I really hope you enjoy Season 2 when it drops.

[jhscdood]

i woke up in a Bad Headspace today and imma use by blog to vent about it like it's livejournal circa 2004.

tw for discussion of medical stuff

- I hate xmas. I'm jewish but my dad is not and the pressure to have An Perfect Xmas every year and the disappointment every year just grosses me out now. Not even going to talk about american xtian hegemony but there's some of that in there too.

- Today i began to suspect that the awesome new migraine med that actually stops my weather-induced migraines might also be interfering with the efficiacy of my prediabetes meds. or maybe im wrong and im Just That Fucking Exhausted.

- Spouse spent all last week recovering from a severe medication allergy and hives on 70% of his body. and steroids Do Not Agree with him so it was just. a wild time. terrifying af. stood over him with an EpiPen basically the entire time.

- 3 days before The Hives, i scratched my cornea while pruning bushes and that right there is a pain i do not ever want to revisit. had to go to the optometrist and get The Goo.

- 2 days before Cornea i had my first Botox For Migraine treatment. 31 injections to the face, neck and shoulders. it stung but it was over in like 4 minutes. takes 3 sessions to start kicking in. sessions are 12 weeks apart. so i guess we'll find out in August if it's working.

- day before Botox i had an ENT appointment and he stuck a camera up my nose and then diagnosed me with a weird vocal cord paralysis thing so now i have to go back to speech therapy for the first time in 26 years.

- Week before that, saw my neurologist and she diagnosed me with a weird intermittent lazy eye / motion lag thingamawhatsis so now i have to go to an ophthalmologist AND vision therapy.

- That week I also saw my PCP and explained to her about the intermittent abdominal pain I've been having since like 2021. She took me seriously!!! Which is good!!! But now i am scheduled for baby's first colonoscopy. And i have to keep a food journal, which i HATE because food is STUPID.

- All of the above all happened this month btw. December 1-23.

- My final appt in November was yet another ultrasound of my former left tit because there is an oil cyst at the site of my top surgery and they are VERY SURE it is a benign oil cyst but the rules require them to poke it every few months for 2-3 years.

- Before that I had a 48 hour ambulatory EEG which was the itchiest i have ever been in my LIFE. That same week our basement stairs collapsed and a contractor had to come rebuild them (up! to! code!). That same week i also went to the dentist to get my crown fitted.

- I think my MIL was in the hospital that same week, too. so that's a thing that's been going on the whole time since then.

- I spent most of October deathly ill with food poisoning thst was originally misdiagnosed as viral. I ended up with a CT scan and colitis. and, eventually, cipro. it was the sickest i have ever been in my adult life. i would rather have mono again. i fantasized about those cholera beds with the hole in the center so you didnt have to get up to have your horrid dysentery. nightmare.

- The day before that hit i had ONE golden day where i felt good and had energy. we went to temple and i got glomped by about 10 different people. my 80 year old bestie kept finding me to hug me again. Rabbi hugged me super hard.

- Before that was a root canal, and before that was a tooth infection that took 2 rounds of antibiotics to kill, and before that was the original cavity filling that started it all. the dentist kindly comped me the $172 for the filling against the $3,800 bill for the root canal + crown.

- Before that? IDEK man. I have lost track. Somewhere in there i got diagnosed with insulin resistance which explained my HORRENDOUSLY TERRIBLE fatigue and cloudiness and waking up starving every 3 hours. The meds they gave me changed that literally overnight. it was a miracle. which is why im freaking out about the new migraine med possibly counteracting that. i spent the entirety of last summer in a fog. several of my very good friends visited and all i could do was nap on them. i couldnt go anywhere or do anything. it was a nightmare. i don't want to go back to that. but also i don't want to have a migraine every time the wind blows. but i would rather have a migraine 50% of the time than be back to that fatigue fogged state 100% of the time. nope nope nope.

- and amongst all of this, still having the seizures. they were going down for a while but the last week or so has been 1-2 per day. so. another checkmark in the "gee do you think you're stressed?" column.

- it is going on 10pm and I'm tired so i very likely have accidentally omitted several other things. to be fair to me, there's Quite A Bit to remember.

- so if youre wondering why i havent updated my latest fic, its partly bc i am TIRED and partly bc if i gave jason even a third of the health bullshit i have dealt with the past few months, it would absolutely defy belief. TWO kinds of eye problems AND a speech problem AND food poisoning AND dentistry?? surely no one in the world has to deal with that much!

sigh. anyway. thanks for listening. i promise i am stressed out of my GOURD but, shockingly, have not slid into any sort of depressive space. mostly im just annoyed. i spent today watching dinosaur documentaries and reorganizing my craft supplies.

tomorrow will be better. today just sucked.

[themissakat]

I've been slowly processing the finale since last night, as you do, and thought I might share some of my thoughts.

Overall, I think that this finale was really awesome. While there were a few plot things that I'm not a huge fan of, the emotional points HIT HOME. One of my only wishes is that there was more time to really sit with the impactful moments. I would have also loved to revisit many of the human characters on Earth, as well as seeing Percy and Braddock again. Unfortunately, as with many cartoons, we don't always get every little thing wrapped up in canon.

I'll be turning 25 in about a month, right in the age range of the girls in the time skip, and I feel so seen with the Trio's post-Amphibia relationship dynamic. The transition from childhood friendships into adult friendships is such an odd time. You're growing into yourself, you're learning and changing, and so are the people around you. Being an adult is so different from being a teenager, there's new responsibilities, life gets so busy, it's hard to keep up with people, even when you love them with all of your heart.

To me, even if the girls drifted, even if they weren't perfect in keeping in touch with each other during this time, this ending has so much potential for them moving forward. Because the thing is, even though life changes, truly good, heartfelt friendships can be picked back up at any time. It can be weeks, months, years since you've seen each other, but that doesn't matter, because you can jump right back in.

As much as they grew during Amphibia, I think that the time apart was good for them. I think it was important that they had the time to develop independently of one another. They needed to find their own identities and place in this world, and I think their relationship will be all that much stronger for the time they spent on their own. I'm a huge proponent of Sashannarcy of course, and I can only see this ending as them coming together, a new beginning for the rest of their lives together.

I’m still going to work on my fanart and fanfics, and I'm currently working on a short Moth mAnne comic for the No Big Deal Zine.

I'll probably jot down some more thoughts about the plot stuff with the finale at a later time!! I just wanted to get out my feels about the timeskip 🥺

(Also like Terri totally will make another mini portal, because she did it once she can do it again! And then establish communications, then work across-dimensions with Polly to make a stable, permanent portal.)

[esmes]

please, give me any/ALL of your nellie lovett (or general sweeney todd) headcanons you have, i saw your comment on @demonbarberofbeepbeep's post and now im intrigued to see what you have (if you dont mind!)

oh, bless. i've had tons of nellie thoughts swirling around in my head since i flew my ass to new york in september to see the show for the first of what would turn out to be five times - it'll be nice to get them down at last. it's going under a cut though because i'm a yapper and it's long. this is all specific mostly to the 2023 revival and annaleigh's lovett (& josh's sweeney by extension.)

i also have a give a shoutout to worstpies for the incredible work they are doing over on ao3. their fics explore nellie and sweeney in a way that takes my breath away every. damn. time. i'm sure i've absorbed some of their incredible characterizations into my brain and bloodstream at this point. if you haven't yet experienced their fic, run. run!!! do not walk.

adult content herein, this is your warning lol

pre-canon

nellie has a june birthday. (she's a cancer. !! she's SUCH a cancer, y'all.... which may also be a little of annaleigh infusing a little of her own magic into her bc she is also a cancer lol)

her marriage to albert lovett was almost too good to be true, as far as her mother was concerned. he belonged to the merchant class and could provide for her. had she not married him, nellie likely would've gone into service.

albert was a decent husband, though no great lover. she dreamed early on of having a child, so she went about sex dutifully. life never resulted. it made her feel like a failure, so she buried the dream and got to work.

nellie never shied away from a hard day's work in the shop. albert took care of the butchering, but she insisted he show her how it was done. his protests that it wasn't "a woman's work" were quickly overridden. it was brutal work, but nellie had the stomach for it.

she liked the shop best when it was bustling with customers - so many people to talk to. the men often indulged her in a little banter and a chat, which albert didn't much mind. truthfully, he was grateful for anyone who engaged with his effusive young wife, as it gave him a moment's peace. women seemed unsure of her - she was even more unsure of them.

the barkers moved in a few years before albert's health began to decline. they were beautiful in an ethereal way that made nellie feel like pond scum. they were also deliriously in love - it was plain to all. lucy had a radiant smile all for benjamin, and benjamin had a hard time looking at anything else in a room when lucy was there to be looked at. whenever they visited the shop, lucy seemed eager to move benjamin along.

nellie fixated on benjamin's hands. he had an artist's hands - deft, graceful. they looked like they'd be soft to the touch. she tested this theory one afternoon when he sought shelter in her shop from a sudden downpour. she insisted he sit down and have a pie until the weather let up. as she handed him a plate, she made sure their fingers brushed, searching his face for some sign he was as intrigued by her and she was by him. the faint touch had sent a spark through her that was so utterly unfamiliar she felt a bit dizzy. a little sheepish, he'd offered her a polite smile - still, it was all for her. no lucy in sight. she'd tucked the moment away and revisited it often.

with benjamin around, albert became something cumbersome to her. though she was still fond of him, in a way, she occasionally found herself wishing she could be unburdened (she felt horribly guilty after she had these thoughts, but that didn't stop them from coming.)

she got her wish, in part, on a tuesday. nellie had left albert in the parlor the evening prior. he never came to bed. it was not a shock - he had been in poor health. he left her with a decent sum and she was sure she could keep the business going on her own. the barkers came a few days afterward, benjamin's brown eyes full of sorrow for her. lucy barker had offered her polite condolences, but nellie didn't think she sounded very sorry.

when nellie learned of the baby barker on the way, she was devastated. at night, she would lie awake and imagine the barkers blissfully entwined so nearby, benjamin's hands on lucy's growing belly, and ache and ache and wish that it had been her instead.

nellie was watching johanna the night lucy went to see the judge. when lucy returned, her skirts were torn. she dragged her feet in uneven steps, nearly bypassing the shop altogether before seeming to remember she had a child still to collect. nellie had felt such indignation for benjamin then, anger rising like bile. with benjamin so recently gone? had she no loyalty? she had bitten her tongue then, but promised herself she'd say something when the time was right. lucy had a queer look in her eye - she took johanna from nellie's arms without a word, without even a thank you, and disappeared up the stairs.

when all was said and done, and johanna whisked away by the judge, it fell to nellie to decide what was to be done with lucy. the former mrs. barker was so terribly addled, her beauty transfigured into something so pitiable it made nellie hiss just to look at her. she haunted the room upstairs until nellie forced her out. the money albert had left her was dwindling by the month, she reasoned - she could use a proper, paying tenant, and lucy wasn't worth a day's work. she had begged, of course, but nellie was in a fog of grief all her own. she hardened her heart to lucy's pleas and sent her howling into the london night.

in the years benjamin was gone, she rebranded the store as mrs lovett's in hopes it would bring in new customers. it did not do much to help. having sold everything she could bear to part with (not the razors, never the razors), she briefly considered selling her body. she'd decided she'd rather die.

canon events

she is starving in more ways than just one when benjamin returns to her. she's ashamed to admit it, but it takes her a moment to recognize him. she's midway through recounting the story of what happened years ago when she notices his sickly pallor, his expression growing more grim with every new detail until he begins to tremble. at exactly the moment she sees the hope flicker and die in this strange man's eyes, she feels something stir in her. a memory, tucked away for safekeeping, of brushing hands and a shy, soft smile. it's him. it's him it's him it's him, she thinks, and feels full for the first time in a long, long while.

the lie does not feel like a lie at first. lucy is as good as dead. the thing that wanders the alleys, yowling like a cat in heat and cursing anyone who draws too near, bears no resemblance to the pretty blonde wife benjamin had loved all those years ago. the lie tumbles out of her and it feels right. kind, even.

she would've welcomed him into her bed the very night he returned if he'd wanted it. the desire that alights in her the minute she has him all cleaned up is overwhelming; she tries to sate it in the early days with little touches here and there, drinking him in whenever she can. he jumps and starts at first. she teaches him, bit by bit, to once again welcome another person's touch. she has to try very hard not to be greedy. it takes patience, but she has all the time in the world for him.

they fuck for the first time after the contest with pirelli. they return to the shop triumphant, nellie on his arm like some sort of prize. there's a mean gleam in his eyes, so unlike the brooding, far-off look they often have these days. she had loved benjamin for all the softness in his ways, but she had been little more than a girl then, softer herself. that girl had not known what it was like to be sick with hunger and grief, to be alone for days on end. there is something dark and insatiable in this new man that calls to something similar in her. he proves it to her when he takes her on the countertop. it is messy and unceremonious and she is self-conscious. he leaves flour streaks in her hair and scratches down her arms she will later admire in front of her mirror.

nellie never knew sex could be like this. she never minds when it aches and bruises. it must be good for him too, to keep him coming back every night.

sometimes, when she manages to convince him to come out for a walk around town, nellie catches sweeney watching the children at play in the streets. she knows he must be thinking of johanna and for the first time in a long time, curses her womb for the life that can never seem to take hold there. she prays at night, harder than she's ever prayed before, for a child. when toby comes into their lives, she thinks, that'll do.

she holds those hands of his every chance she gets. they are not as soft now, but she doesn't mind. she cannot believe they are hers to touch. sometimes he is receptive to her touch, even reciprocal. other times, he pulls away from her as though burned. she tries not to fret over it, but it stings a bit.

she never tires of the little terms of endearment he throws her way - "pet", "love", etc. sweeney calls her "nell" once when he is distracted. it sends a thrill through her, even as he looks so surprised that it breaks her heart a little. he never does it again, but she never stops hoping he might.

nellie knows he isn't always seeing her when he looks at her. she knows she is not what he was hoping for, but is determined to be what he longs for now.

sweeney is sullen most of the time, but on the rare occasion he is pleased with something, he whistles absent-mindedly. whenever she hears him whistling a tune from the other room, she fancies it's her that's got him so pleased and grins like the cat that got the cream.

they do not eat the pies. the time after she comes up with their new business strategy is the best either of them has eaten in their lives, though. she spoils the boys as best she can with her cooking. even her own figure fills out in places she'd always wished it would.

sometimes, she sees in him traces of what she supposes used to be benjamin. when he’s too rough with her, she isn't fussed, but still, he apologizes afterward, embarrassed. when she's especially tired after a long day, he will make a little joke, and she'll catch him waiting to see that she laughs. when she tells him sometime in late spring that her birthday is approaching, lamenting her advancing age, he remembers the day. he agrees to walk with her and lets her pick out flowers from a stall at the market. he grows cross with her when it makes her teary, but she thinks he forgives her well enough for her blubbering when she sucks him off that evening.

sweeney todd is the only real friend she's ever had. neighbors and acquaintances about town were good for a chat every now and then, for delighting in the misfortunes of one's rivals, but who else would she trust with her life like this? his violence thrills her, even frightens her on occasion, but she never doubts her safety when he holds her - until she does. and by then, it's much too late.

she's the happiest she's ever been before just days before she dies.

[dipplinduo]

Blog Interaction Guidelines

So in the early stages of making this blog, I was once asked about "rules" for interacting, and pretty much responded with something to the effect of "I really don't have much to say outside of please be respectful and know that there's no place for hate/discrimination here". I have never ran a public blog before this and I felt a little weird telling people how they "should" conduct themselves. In fact, I still kinda do feel this way and prefer to deal with potential problems quietly. However, I've decided to revisit this idea now that this blog is nearing 800 followers. These guidelines are more specifically about things that have been happening repeatedly that I honestly just want to set some boundaries about:

- This is a dipplinshipping account, so the content posted/reblogged here has and will continue to be about dipplinshipping and pokemon. No hate to other fandoms or even other ships - I'm just not necessarily going to interact with unrelated content because it's outside of the scope of this blog. (Referencing other medias in asks about dipplinshipping/pokemon is totally fine, though!)

- I do not take headcanon/writing requests for OCs. Again, no hate, this is just not a self ship blog. I do take headcanon submissions related to dipplinshipping (and react/add onto them). I don't mind headcanon requests about the ship either because it's related.

- Please do not spam my inbox with repetitive messages. And by this I quite literally mean verbatim, word-for-word messages. (They're often unrelated to anything, too). I consider this harassment at a point.

- Please do not submit underaged/graphic/horror content, and/or ship content about minors and adults. Yes I've gotten these, yes they're highly inappropriate.

- Everything in this post (TLDR - please don't send "demanding" asks about my writing, e.g., repetitive, insistent questioning regarding updates, not-so-politely worded “requests” to either abandon certain storylines or add something into a storyline, or expressions of high dissatisfaction/disapproval for when I’m choosing to write for something other than Sweet & Sour Dipplins, which is my most popular work.)

- If you don't like a character I like, that's fine. You do not need to interact with me about it. I do not interact with you about what you should like or dislike.

- If you don't like a fic I write, or the direction of my writing, that's fine. You do not need to interact with me about it. I do not interact with you about what you should write or not write.

- Don't call me an excessive amount of pet names on anon (it seems to occur here almost exclusively). I appreciate kind messages, but this kind of behavior comes off a bit creepy in excess considering I don't know who you are.

- The same honestly applies off anon too, and includes comments that are borderline offensive toward me or others when being "playful". I want to interact with you and have fun! But please remember that if you don't know me personally, we are still very much strangers/good acquaintance mutuals, not close friends who are bantering. (You're more than welcome to call me out if I ever cross your boundaries with stuff like that, too; your comfort is equally important to me.)

- In general, I want to keep the anon feature on if possible because I know it helps some people express themselves with more ease. I've had to turn it off at times because people seemed to a little too comfortable with the feature. Right now it's on again; please don't ruin it for others. I don't want to have to do this since I consider it a very last resort, but I might just start blocking users who are being inappropriate on anon if necessary, as I can't identify who you are and have a conversation with you.

- Don't bash other people's ideas or say x is better than what they're saying, or whatever. Creative spaces are not a competition, but an opportunity to share and collaborate? And frankly, I'm very thankful to anyone who sends me ideas or reactions or whatever. I do not want anyone to feel discouraged from sharing. I will delete your comments or asks if you don't have nice things to say about others and their ideas. Be respectful.

- People seem to have the impression that I own servers on discord. I do not own any servers nor am I looking to continuously advertise servers that are not mine. Please go to the appropriate people if you are interested in joining a server.

- I try my best to keep this blog more on the PG side since this audience is more generalized/might have more variety in age. Many of you may follow me because I'm the author of Sweet & Sour Dipplins, where there's a time skip that ages the characters and has a suggested audience of mid to late teens and up (and in general is meant to be more in this YA genre). It's more than okay to send me stuff that references some of the themes depicted in there and in other works I may write for audiences that go beyond a general audience. I often get really funny and iconic asks in this direction, actually. But! Know that because I'm aware of the general audience on here, I might not be able to post and interact with you publicly about it (especially as people who don't read the fic don't have the context). I can interact with you more directly on spaces like AO3 comments! Otherwise, I'll try to message you to let you know you're hilarious. :)

- Regarding fics that are not by me & playlist recommendations: I actually would love to promote them provided it's related to dipplinshipping and they're appropriate! I just might need a little time to be able to sit down and screen through it myself because I want to be conscious of what I'm promoting, is all. So keep sending 'em!

I think this about covers it. If reallllyyyy necessary I might comment on this again? But I'm hoping not to, because at the end of the day I'm really just here to vibe and have a good time and I hope you are too. Please rest assured that if you aren't sure if you've done some of the things I listed here, that means you're probably fine. If you have, it's no biggie so long as the behavior stops (with the exception of the underaged/graphic/horror stuff; those I've just straight up handled so it doesn't apply to anyone as of now).

Thanks for reading, and feel free to let me know if something I listed here is unclear so we can have a better understanding of each other. And as always, thanks for your support and engagement! 💕

Lots of love,

dipplinduo

[skysometric]

you went on a big asking spree asking about everyone's favorite games, but I'm curious... did you have a favorite album, TV show, or movie this year?

an EXCELLENT question! but my answers my be a little disappointing, because...

Favorite Movie of 2023

i don't... really watch movies? they don't capture my interest or investment like games do. this isn't for lack of trying over the years, i've been exposed to many different genres; i just don't click with the format, i guess. i think of them like the average boomer thinks of games – they're cute little distractions and not much else.

there's definitely a few movies that i like and stand out as formative memories, i just don't go out of my way to watch more. even before the pandemic i would only ever go to the theaters like once a year, and for most of the pandemic i can't say i watched anything even digitally.

...but that did change this year! my partner and i watched both Sonic movies and the Mario movie at home, and of the three i can safely say i enjoyed Sonic 2 the most! i like what it was trying to do with its two stories intertwined, and it gave Sonic and friends a lot of time to shine both in action and characterization. plus the finale was super cool~

i do have a handful of films i want to watch one day... but it's kind of a "whenever i feel like it" basis. the ghibli films are high on the list, as are the monty python films and the truman show. maybe i could revisit ferris bueller's day off now that i'm an adult...?

Favorite TV Show of 2023

...i also don't really watch tv?? am i boring???

i mean, historically, i've gotten more into tv than movies. i like the long continuous plot threads, i like getting to know characters in detail, i like slice of life and comedy and cartoons. i have fond memories of watching sonic x, spongebob, survivor, and mythbusters growing up!

but like, as an adult i've never seen the office, or steven universe, or adventure time... and i'm in no rush to, they're just not really priority for me. i can't even think of other shows i might want to watch. idk!

i tried to watch some anime at one point but that didn't really do me either? i guess i had some fun watching squid girl a few years back... i think i just get understimulated by just watching things, vs playing them.

confusingly, you know what i do get into? livestreams and let's plays. so my weird, cop-out answer of "favorite series" is that i've been really enjoying Chuggaaconroy's let's play of pokemon bw2. his let's plays have gotten me caught up with a series that i wasn't "allowed" to play as a kid... i guess that's part of why watching someone play a game isn't as understimulating to me?

Favorite Album of 2023

you can probably guess where this is going – i don't really listen to music that plays on the radio or gets recommended by spotify. i have good reason for this one though: music with lyrics is overstimulating to me in specific circumstances, like when i'm working (always) or driving (the only time i'd use the radio).

but wait, movies are understimulating, even though there's talking... and music with lyrics is overstimulating, even though there's nothing to watch... argh! i don't even understand myself!!

either way i usually put on video game music, because that helps me focus at work, and (usually) doesn't have lyrics in it. i'm aware there's plenty of great instrumental music outside of just games, but games already have so much variety and quality to their osts – i've rarely ever had to seek out more! my music collection is already big enough!

my favorite album to listen to this year has been the music that plays in the cyberspace stages of Sonic Frontiers. the full game's ost is MASSIVE and incredibly diverse in styles, but the hardcore EDM of the cyberspace stages is extremely my style. and the remixes they added in the dlc are some of the best ones! been listening to the full playlist multiple times a week all year to power through some rough work days, and it still hasn't gotten old 💖

[sohypothetically]

Post 3: Cookies From Mellark's

It's time for another installment. And boy, is this one a doozy.

So pick up a snack and your beverage of choice, and join me as I revisit the memory of my next fic, Cookies From Mellark's! It's the fic you'll either love or totally despise.

FF.net

A03

This fic was my:

First contemporary AU.

First world building.

First longer fic. (it's about 60K words)

First non-canon fic.

First M for adult content.

First original characters.

First gay couple.

First description of major character death. (Mr. Mellark.)

First description of abuse.

November of 2012 I participated in Nanowrimo. It was a more niche thing then, without all of the fancy trappings (and the side of controversy) that it has today. My hubby, Doc (for those of you who don't know him), participated the year before and has every year since.

Cookies was written during that time. It's not great. But I hit the mark of 50K words, and it's not awful. It definitely moved the bar for me as a writer.

I got a lot of hate about this fic. People hated that Katniss calls Peeta "Peet". People hated that Katniss is awkward, standoffish, and obtuse. The said I wrote Katniss with no agency. I definitely had people say they wanted to toss their laptops on the floor just reading it. People despised what I did to Prim.

I've never deleted it.

I've never re-read it (nor do I ever, ever read the reviews).

Until today.

The good: See the firsts. I'm pretty proud that I finished it. The sense of humor here is fun. The food descriptions are many (although not as many as one of my later fics).

The bads: head jumping, some stilted dialogue. The descriptions of abuse don't thrill me. Katniss is absolutely obtuse, but she was taken mostly from canon. I can easily see how people hated my representation of Prim.

What I wanted was to build on an almost-fairytale beginning. The establishing shot prologue here is supposed to invoke the voiceover bit in stuff like Beauty and the Beast. There's supposed to be this feeling that Del Mar may be present day, but it's still this very idealized view (think A Cinderella story and the like) with archetypes and characters who are placed in a world where things are more black and white. Mrs. Everdeen bails on the girls, Mrs. Mellark is unnecessary harsh. Mr. Mellark dies. Prim idolizes her older sister, but feels a competitiveness (think 10 Things I Hate About You). It's not a happy world.

If you want a taste of this, check below the cut. It's a scene between Peeta and Haymitch and it's pretty funny.

Peet cleared his throat. "Hello, sir. I'm from Mellark's…"

"…Obviously. It says so on your shirt." The man pointed a shaky hand at the logo across the front of Peet's chest.

"I thought I would bring lunch over." Peet held the bags out as an offering and smiled his best customer service smile.

"Well aren't you the boy scout." The man leaned back and took a sip of something that was most definitely not water. He eyed the bags. "What did you bring?"

"Um, turkey and cheese panini, extra mustard, pickle on the side and brownie. A cheese…" Peet stopped as the man held up his hand first to stop him, then to take the bag. He took the bag and ripped it open, then bit into the sandwich.

With his mouth full, then man said, "Have a seat." Peet snuck a look at the door to the repair bays, wondering if Katniss was there.

"You're the youngest Mellark boy. What's your name? Bun, Cupcake, Loaf…" The man took another bite.

'Peeta. Everyone calls me Peet."

"Well, Peeta," He dragged out Peet's name for emphasis, "My name's Haymitch. This here is my place and Katniss is my responsibility. You think you can just waltz in here with sandwiches and I'm going to let you have a go at her? What makes you different than all of the other boys I've seen sniffing around?"

"Sir, I don't want to have a go at her. She's a friend." Peet's clear blue eyes clashed with stormy gray ones.

Haymitch stared at him for a moment, a mustard smear next to his lip. Then, he threw back his head and laughed. "How many times have you practiced that in front of the mirror? Does it work on other girls' parents? No – wait." He held up his hand to stop Peet from defending himself. "If I thought you were serious, I would tell you to get out of here right now - that you don't have the pluck for that firecracker of a girl. Now, try me again. Why are you here?" Haymitch bit into his brownie.

Peet swallowed. He stared past Haymitch to the wall behind him. Finally, he started speaking. "I've liked her for what seems like forever. Recently, she helped me. I mean, really helped me through something rough. I thought that I might be finally catching a break, like she might even be interested in me back. Even if she's not – interested in me, I mean – I'm here to help her through what could be a rough time for her: some of the guys at school, well, they have decided that Katniss deserves their attention. And I don't want her to get hurt like that."

He finally met Haymitch's eyes. Haymitch chewed thoughtfully. When he finished swallowing, he dapped his mouth daintily with a napkin. "I have responsibility for two teenage girls, which is a fate that should not be wished on any man. Katniss, she's especially challenging - if a girl ever needed a date, it's her. She talks about you a fair amount. I have to believe that means something in her girl-head. You seem like a nice guy – you even have a job - which is more than half the kids in this town. At the same time, I have her welfare to think of. You say she's involved in something at school?"

When Peet nodded, Haymitch continued, "As long as you can protect her, you have my support. You come to me if you get in over your head. Understood?

Peet nodded again, unsure what to say to Haymitch's speech.

Haymitch leaned back in his chair again. "And for God's sake, wear a condom!"

[streetqueenofmars]

So, I rewatched Joel Schumacher's 'Phantom of the Opera', a movie I was obsessed with as a teenager and new adult.

And I had THOUGHTS.

Being in a committed relationship has given me (someone who doesn't always do much rewatching) the chance to revisit and reappraise art from my childhood and adolescence.

And I'm working on being kind to my younger self.

There was a time when I was obsessed with this movie, if you had asked me as a 15 to 18 years old to name my favorite movies this would have been one of them. Now I'm a few years shy of thirty, I've studied film at the Masters level, I've studied and written on musical theater and opera. Importantly I've seen Phantom live and I've seen the Royal Albert Hall recording. All this to say that I'm very aware of this films shortcomings as an adaptation, as a musical, and even as a film.

But I think it's still a 'good' film.

Because, despite this films shortcomings, understanding why I liked it at a teenager helped me appreciate it.

I don't know if this is a hot take, but in the original show, the Phantom is not only the antagonist but his relationship with Christine is creepy. He is older than her by enough that she at first thinks he is the ghost of her father and his more sexual feelings toward her coincide with the increasing body count and other factors that reveal him as an increasingly malevolent force. It's one of the things that makes the show so good.

The film makes the Phantom's position as antagonist much more complicated by aging him down. Gerard Butler plays the phantom as a young man and the rewrites make his and Christina's ages closer. The idea of him as the spirit of her father is downplayed, and the sexual tension between Christina and Phantom is played up.

It's important to note that while this is an adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical that he is producing made by his production company, Joel Schumacher not only directs the film but is credited as the co-writer.

So I will credit him with the changes between the stage show and the film.

This makes sense when you look at Schumacher's body of work. Sexual tension (be it heterosexual or homosexual), physical beauty, and young people discovering themselves and the world are ideas that appear in his work again and again. Film phantom is a Schumacher protagonist, an alienated young person trying to figure out where he fits in the world. A man who understands love as something good that he wants but is clumsy about how to actual go about pursuing it. A man of restrained passions and feelings he can't express. In the song 'No One Would Listen' (a film original song that didn't make it into the film beyond the credits) the phantom sings about how his love of Christine and his love of music both came about from feeling profoundly lonely following his escape from the carnival and being drawn to something beautiful.

Webber's phantom is a predatory man, Schumacher's phantom is a lonely boy.

And this profoundly changes the work, it's a subtle change that flew over the heads of most critics, both professional or pop culture (looking at the Lindsey Ellis squad) but it's a changes that fundamentally changes the work. It becomes a work of art meant for lonely young men who feel hated by the world for reasons beyond their understanding. And for those men and boys it shows them how destructive their actions have the potentially to really be when they lash out from their loneliness.

"The tears I shed for your sad fate, grow cold and turn to tears of hate."

It's a messy work, but one that has value as a work of transitional adolescent media. Similar to the first Twilight where it gives adolescents a space to feel certain emotions and should be given some grace for that good.

[softpine]

Would it be too spoilery to ask if you can reveal a plot or two that would have gone differently if you weren't worried about people's reactions? I've been so curious ever since you said your characters are meant to be way worse people

oh sure!! it's not always that i'm worried about people's reactions, sometimes it's just because i dropped the ball or had other stuff going on. i just don't want anyone thinking they made me feel this way!!

the biggest one is that caroline and beth were supposed to get a divorce 🥴 back when they were fighting a lot over asa's worsening condition because caroline was adamant that asa was seeing ghosts while beth thought he was having a mental health crisis. but when asa went into another coma, they ended up reconnecting and slowly rebuilding their relationship (mostly because caroline stopped pressing the ghost issue). it felt natural to me and i think it worked out fine, but i wish i had gone with my gut.

my original plan was for them to drift even further apart when asa went into his coma. caroline would've gotten REALLY desperate, like séance / psychic medium kinda desperate, and beth would've gone the opposite direction and start contacting every doctor she can find. finn would've watched them fight and felt guilty for "destroying" asa's family, who seemed pretty damn perfect in finn's eyes. finn would wake asa up as normal, but the damage was already done, so caroline and beth would continue fighting. finn would beg asa to stop messing with ghosts/time travel and focus on his family (of course it should never be a child's responsibility to save their parents marriage, but finn spent his entire life placating his family and feeling guilty for their actions, so naturally he feels this way). asa is stubborn and doesn't listen (like usual). so that actually drives a wedge between asa and finn too. at the same time, danny and mikaela were not on the best terms because danny lied about going on tour. so everyyyybody was fighting 😭

in the heat of the moment, caroline would've suggested they get divorced, expecting beth to disagree and keep trying, but beth went completely silent instead, and it was an "oh shit this is really happening huh" moment for both of them. they would separate for a while, things still wouldn't get better, so they start talking to divorce lawyers. finally, asa steps in and does some light time traveling (lol) and revisits a bunch of his parents' best moments together so he can go back to the present time and drop hints, like "hey mom who taught you how to swim?" "did you guys have a favorite coffee shop?" "is it true you worked at the diner before i was born?" etc. just little comments that make beth and caroline remember the good times without being too obvious. and it kinda works?? caroline is waiting with her lawyer one day when beth shows up in a fancy dress and says "get up, we're going on a date". everyone is like ??? but beth explains that although they've known each other their whole lives, they never really got to just date each other, because asa arrived so soon after they got together. so they go out to dinner but they pretend it's a blind date. and they get really drunk and do karaoke to 'love is a battlefield' because duh. the next morning, they both call their lawyers and say oops never mind about the divorce thing :') and they stay separated / casually dating for quite a while, still building up their relationship. it would've had a happy ending, but it would take much more work to get there!

overall i just thought this story line would be too bleak and frustrating rather than being "fun" drama, but idk... i wish i went for it anyway. it would've been fun to deal with adult drama rather than teen angst for a change. i still have a bunch of leftover dialogue if you're curious!!

later, after they've been fighting for a while:

this was the other option that would've had basically the same function as the scene above:

i repurposed this sex planner discussion here lol:

[sharkface]

now that ur playing bg3, i really like ur media analysis takes and would love to hear ur thoughts on the fan reactions to astarion

I think in any case, when you see a group of characters like this, and the most prominent fan favorite is a hot, sad, broody white man with hours more content than the group's only black character, there isn't really an argument to be had about the cause of that. It's just racism. I wish that people would give Larian way more shit for it than they do

Under the cut for people who don't give a shit lol, these are more general writing observations possibly affected by not being very far into the game that I may feel differently about (positively or negatively) once I've finished it.

I haven't even gotten through act one yet (and I play Astarion origin, which actually gives me the absolute least of his content on a first playthrough of anyone playing this game) so I might revisit this when I actually know enough about the game to give a meaningful analysis but the long and short to me rn is that Astarion was made to elicit this fan response, they knew this would happen because they'd have to understand fans to know what fanservice would elicit the strongest responses (and there is a lot of fanservice in BG3), I think the ire towards annoying Astarion fans both from the standpoint that he is only the fan favorite because he's a hot white guy AND from the standpoint that most people don't even "get" him is very much appropriate.

Astarion is meant to be a subversion of the seductive and very sexual portrayal of the cunty prettyboy vampire, but (so far) I don't think it really resonates with me as a topic they handled well with consideration to how incredibly sexual BG3 is. I've mentioned it before, but I think it is honestly to this game's detriment a lot of the time how much sexual fanservice is in it, and I do not say this as in "there shouldn't be sex," I am an adult and I like sexual fanservice as much as anyone else, I just think that it very clearly takes precedence over the actual story a lot of the time, which isn't a decision I respect in a game that isn't supposed to prioritize that.

So far I can't really speak on if I think the writing of him and his narrative is ultimately gratuitous, even if you're being led to the conclusion that what happened to him was traumatic and disgusting and that your enabling of some of his behavior is not a good or healthy thing, I am inherently skeptical of it because I know these writers are aware that there is a sect of people who get off on portrayals of the types of abuse he faced. I think that fact in combination with his otherwise being written as he is leads me to conclude that the sexualization of him likely came first and the subversion of that came later, which I think is supported by the narrative surrounding Gale which is much more hesitant to explicitly acknowledge that Mystra groomed him. To me, even if Astarion does end up being well-written in this way, I kind of struggle to see that in a completely positive light or like it was always the sole intention to do right by victims of abuse.

Again, I could change my mind on some things further into the game, but I think this is a conversation people neglect when they get into fan treatment of Astarion aside from the very obvious element of racism in Astarion being the blatant favorite of both the writers and fans by virtue of being a conventionally attractive white guy. Which like. I don't understand why that's even an argument in the first place, because they didn't give Wyll four hours less content than him because he just couldn't contribute anything else to the story. Lol. Especially when you consider that even the nonhuman companions are given the features of conventionally attractive white people more often than not there's some pretty obvious bias.

[the-widow-sisters]

Hi!!! I don't know if you're taking requests, but if you are can, you write Melina and Alexi revisiting the compound and meeting the others. But they lose Melina and find her in the lab with Darcy, and Natasha's immediate thought is that they need to separate the two.

A/N: Thank you so, so much for this request! 💖💖💖

Wow, it's been a while since I've written something for the parents 😅 It's the first time I've ever written anything from Melina's POV so hopefully it's good 💗 I'm still in a serious motivation slump, but for some reason, this request just hit me and I had to write it.

I hope y'all enjoy!

Word Count: 4.9k+

   “So… Is Captain America ready for another fight?!”

   “Alexei, no,” Natasha answered instantly, trying to deter him but it did not seem to affect him in the least.

   “It is understandable. I practically crushed him like tiny bug last time!” Alexei boasted, and Yelena rolled her eyes, eating the last few chips in her bag.

   “And he crushed you many times before that, Dad,” Yelena answered, and Alexei scoffed in reply to her, reaching his hand over to her chip bag.

   “It was tough fight but I won,” Alexei proudly announced, and Yelena slapped his hand away from her chip bag. He grunted unhappily, shooting her a grumpy glare.

   Alexei and Melina had come for yet another visit, Alexei the pig in tow, and after they had slept off the jetlag, Alexei had instantly expressed an interest in coming to visit the compound again. Natasha had not been entirely sure about the whole thing, but when Melina had added on that she wanted to get a look at the place again, Natasha had hesitantly agreed.

   Kate had happened to catch them as they were leaving for the compound, she herself coming to hang out at the widow sisters’ place when she spotted Alexei and Melina with them. She had gotten in the car with them, and Natasha had driven them to the compound, their parents catching up with Kate and Natasha fruitlessly warning them to behave as Yelena munched on chips and alternated between picking on Kate and making sarcastic quips toward Alexei.

   In Natasha’s opinion, Alexei had honestly deserved everything Yelena had so sassily said to him so far. All he had done is talk about wanting to see Captain America again. Natasha had been ready to say quite a few things herself, but she held back, choosing to be the adult in the situation.

   Interrupting Natasha’s contemplation of her desire to knock her father out, Kate looked at the group with a giant smile, practically bouncing in front of them all.

   “Maybe you can’t go and fight Steve right now, but would you like to meet our friends instead? Carol and Darcy should be here somewhere,”

   “That would be nice,” Melina conceded kindly, and Kate instantly brightened considerably as she eyed her with barely contained excitement.

   “Trust me, you’re going to love them. Give me just a second, I’ll go grab them,” Kate declared before practically bounding off down the hall.

   Natasha watched her fondly, her heart warming at the sight of Kate’s excitement and Melina hummed shortly.

   “She is good girl,” Melina expressed, an undisguised affection in her voice that rarely showed in the woman.

   Natasha supposed that there was just something about Kate that brought out the softness in people. Her joy and her shining personality were adorable and enough to put anyone in a good mood.

   “One of the best.”

   “What am I? Chopped kidney?” Yelena spoke up, utterly offended.

   “Liver,” Natasha gently corrected, unable to help a soft chuckle at Yelena’s misuse of the saying. Yelena raised her eyebrows, and despite the fact that Natasha clearly knew that Yelena was aware of what she meant, Yelena decided to be dramatic anyways.

   “I am chopped liver?!”

   “No,” Natasha replied with fond exasperation, rolling her eyes before reaching out to her. She wrapped her arm around her neck and kissed her cheek affectionately. Yelena leaned into her side with no hesitation, and Melina huffed with a small smile as she looked up at Alexei.

   “Just like when they were kids,” Melina reminisced, and Alexei chuckled, starting to speak.

   “Mom, no,” Natasha argued instantly, interrupting as her arm fell away from Yelena.

   Yelena leaned into her side a little harder, making a small noise of protest at Natasha’s release of her before straightening hesitantly.

   After all, she had a vested interest in keeping the embarrassing stories at a minimum as well. The last thing she wanted was for anyone outside of the four of them to ever find out some of the things she did as a child.

   “What? I am having nostalgia,” Melina tried to defend in her somewhat broken English. Alexei just nodded along with her, serving as Melina’s personal ally in this situation as he oftentimes did.

   “No stories of our childhood here, okay?”

   “Yes, no public humiliation today, please,” Yelena backed Natasha’s statement. Alexei suddenly looked excited as he turned his attentions to Melina.

   “Ooh, wait, what about that one story of when little Yelena and Natasha went out to play with neighbor children and they were all younger than Natasha and Natasha—”

   “Definitely not that one,” Natasha declared, embarrassment flooding her at that memory. She definitely did not want to remember that time.

   It was when the kids had decided to play cops and robbers and Natasha had somehow been elected to be the only cop. She supposed it was fitting because somehow by the end of it all, the little robbers had all decided to tie her to a tree. Yelena had been the only one against the idea and the other kids had told her that if she did not like it, she would have to quit the game.

   Needless to say, when they started chanting about burning Natasha at the stake, Yelena had completely freaked out and made a run for the house. Natasha, of course, had known that they were not really going to burn her, so she did not forcefully break out of the binds as they had sloppily thrown her in for the game.

   Yelena had eventually come running back with Melina in tow, and Melina had just calmly informed them that Natasha and Yelena had to come back home and help her with something, untying Natasha and bringing her back home.

   It was one of the few times that Natasha could recollect Melina truly and heartfeltly laughing, and while it was an embarrassing memory due to the fact she was caught and tied up by a bunch of little kids, it was also a strangely fond memory if only for Melina’s happiness.

   “That was good memory, Natasha. I still remember how Yelena ran in yelling about neighbor children killing you,” Melina chuckled warmly, the memory apparently still bringing a laugh to her.

   Yelena groaned, and Natasha could not help but look at Melina with some amount of fondness despite the fact that she definitely did not want that story told.

   “Definitely not that one. That one is especially embarrassing for me,” Yelena grumbled, and Melina hummed in response, an uncharacteristic mirth in her gaze.

   “Would you prefer time that Natasha was helping wash you?” Melina suggested, and Alexei furrowed his brow, trying to remember that particular moment.

   “When was that?” Alexei questioned, and Natasha groaned, remembering the moment quickly. Like their father, Yelena seemed confused as well, and she waited for Melina to explain.

   “A few months after we began the mission. You pooped in the bathtub and she ran out of the room,” Melina explained, and Alexei laughed heartily. Yelena’s eyes went wide in horror and Natasha wrinkled her nose at the memory.

   “Oh, my—”

   “I remember that now!” Alexei happily declared. Natasha shook her head.

   “Was that even normal for a child her age?”

   “I am not familiar with children outside of the two of you, so I would not know. But I cannot think it was too uncommon,” Melina simply answered, and Yelena shook her head as she interrupted.

   “Look, no talking about pooping in the bathtub or anything else embarrassing or weird, got it?”

   “Who’s pooping in the bathtub?” Carol’s voice sounded off, and they all directed their attention to her. Carol was trailing along next to Kate.

   “Nobody,” Yelena instantly replied much too quickly. However, before Carol could question it, Kate offered them all an apologetic smile and spoke.

   “Sorry, I could only get Carol. D was busy working in the lab on the meteor she discovered a while back,” Kate informed them, moving over to sit on the couch.

   Natasha noticed how Melina instantly paid attention at the mention of the laboratory, and she mentally made a note to try to keep her away from all of that. She could not imagine that Melina would ever leave the compound if she discovered all the science things in there.

   And Natasha definitely did not want them staying at the compound and potentially embarrassing her any further than they probably already would before it was all over with.

   “Hey, Carol, Kate probably told you, but my parents wanted to meet you since they didn’t get to on their last visit here,” Natasha said, and Carol raised her eyebrows.

   “You’ve got parents?” Carol questioned, and Natasha could not help but fondly remember Carol’s surprise when she had first discovered that Natasha had a sister.

   “Yeah. Imagine that. A sister and parents. She is practically like a normal person,” Yelena deadpanned, moving around Carol as she made room for her to step up to meet the pair. Carol just huffed in reply to her, rolling her eyes but mostly keeping her attention centered on the two before her.

   “These are Alexei and Melina,” Natasha introduced, gesturing to the couple in question.

   “And this here is Carol Danvers, the one and only Boomer,” Yelena added on, patting Carol’s shoulder from where she was walking around behind her.

   Carol threw a smile and a raised eyebrow over her shoulder in Yelena’s direction. Yelena, catching the fondness and the unspoken teasing in Carol’s gaze, just huffed and waved her away as she plopped down on the couch not too far from Kate.

   Carol turned her attentions back to the two before her and she wiped her hands on her pants.

   “Sorry, I’m a little sweaty. I was just working out with my boyfriend and his friends,” Carol apologized, offering her hand. Alexei took it, shaking her hand as he looked at her kindly.

   “I take it that Steve didn’t want another enchanting meeting with Alexei,” Natasha deadpanned, and Carol blinked, slightly confused, and Alexei’s eyes suddenly turned bright as he made the connection in his head.

   “Wait… Steve Rogers?! Captain America?!”

   “Yeah…?” Carol trailed off uncertainly, and Alexei furrowed his brow before looking at her with surprise, his hand still holding onto Carol’s.

   “Wait… he is your boyfriend?”

   “Yeah,” Carol answered hesitantly but surely. Natasha could see how uncertain she was. Carol glanced in Natasha’s direction, wordlessly asking for some manner of explanation. Natasha just shook her head, mouthing “go with it” to the poor woman.

   “You are Captain America’s girl?!” Alexei cried, utterly beyond excited as he found out a new tidbit about his arch nemesis.

   Natasha knew that he was mostly happy because Carol looked mostly unassuming despite her barely hidden muscles underneath her oversized Def Leppard t-shirt. He thought that he had somehow gotten in a win over Steve because Alexei’s own girl was one of the most efficient widows ever.

   Carol just looked at him somewhat strangely, chuckling a little as she glanced at Natasha before seemingly taking her advice on how to handle the whole thing.

   “Yeah… Why?”

   “He and I, we are nemesis to each other!” he excitedly declared, grabbing her hand with his other one as he shook her hand more vigorously in the midst of his happiness.

   Carol raised her eyebrows, offering him a onceover. Her thoughts were so loud at that moment that Natasha could practically hear them coursing through her mind.

   “Oh… Like Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd?” Carol finally dropped her one-liner.

   Natasha almost laughed out loud, but she held herself back, knowing that it probably would not be the polite thing to do despite how humorous it had been.

   Yelena, however, did no such thing, and she practically guffawed without any reservations as Carol somehow managed to keep a straight face. Kate instantly launched into giggling along with Yelena’s loud cackling.

   Alexei furrowed his brow, confusion taking hold as he looked at her and tried to understand the reference that she had just made. Melina, however, stepped in, taking hold of Alexei’s wrist as she tried to pull his hand away from Carol’s since he still had a pretty firm hold on him.

   “I apologize for his… hands-on approach to things,” Melina expressed, finally getting him to release her as he still stared at Carol incredulously. “He is passionate about Captain America. They have long history.”

   “Don’t worry about it. If he kept holding on, I only would’ve shocked him once,” Carol assured her with a playful grin, taking Melina’s hand as she shook it for a much briefer period than Alexei did.

   “You have powers?” Alexei asked, surprise written in his features once more.

   “Yeah. Wanna test them?” Carol questioned, extending her hand. He squinted a little but nevertheless complied. She gave him a light shock to the hand, and he jumped, quickly yanking his hand back.

   “What was that?!” he yelped.

   “Exactly what I said when we first met,” Yelena spoke up, her voice still affected by her laughter. Kate let out a deep breath, evidently still trying to control her urge to laugh since it had not exactly been a nice thing to laugh at him about.

   “I told you. I’ve got powers,” Carol laughed a little, and Alexei cast her a glance, unhappy as he seemed to realize that Carol was not quite as ordinary as he had thought. He could not quite one-up Steve in this area unfortunately.

   “I need to visit restroom. Natasha, where is it?” Melina abruptly declared, lacking the finesse that one would ordinarily use to introduce such a thought in a conversation. Of course, finesse was not exactly one of Melina’s strong suits when it came to socialization.

   Everyone paused for a moment, and Natasha got her thoughts together enough to answer.

   “You go down the hall and turn left at the end of it and it’s the third door you see on the right,” Natasha instructed, and Melina nodded as she straightened a little and turned to head to the restroom.

   “Do you need me to walk you there?” Natasha offered, some amount of gentleness slipping into her tone despite the definitive exasperation at Alexei’s antics. Melina shook her head, waving off her concerns.

   “No, I am fine. I will find way.”

   And so Melina headed down the hallway.

   Natasha watched her until she turned the corner and she let out a soft breath. For some reason, she had a not-so-great feeling about this that she could not exactly explain, but she did not say anything, keeping it to herself as she returned her attentions to Carol and Alexei.

   “Let me tell you about times I defeated Captain America. I have done it twice now!”

   Natasha groaned, forgetting about Melina for the moment.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

   Once Melina had finished up in the restroom, she walked slowly on her way back, actually going so far as to go down a few uncharted hallways as she put off going back to her family just yet.

   Ever since Kate had said something about her friend and more specifically the laboratory that was located here, Melina had been curious. Tony Stark’s technological advancements were significant and she could only imagine the types of scientific discoveries that could be in the actual Avengers laboratory. This had been her primary motivation in wanting to go to the compound, in fact.

   She had so far only managed to find the gym where Steve, Bucky, and Sam were sparring as well as some other rooms that varied from offices to server rooms. She knew that she had to be getting closer by the time that she found the server rooms.

   To her immense gratification, she soon found the laboratory. She looked around the room briefly before stepping further in and inspecting some of the technology surrounding her.

   It was a huge laboratory and it reminded her of the time she spent in the Red Room working in their laboratories. She was impressed with the size of the thing, and she was even more impressed with the technology within. There were several holograms and autonomous sample inspection chambers as well.

   “Hey, woah, umm… This is a science-technology laboratory and kind of off-limits,” someone suddenly warned somewhere behind Melina.

   She paused as she turned to look at the right side of the laboratory room more fully.

   To her surprise, there was a brunette on the other side of the room sitting on a stool at a table. She was wearing glasses and her hair was up in a messy bun and she looked to be somewhere around either Natasha’s or Yelena’s age. It was obvious by her coat that she was some manner of scientist, and Melina studied her carefully and curiously, quickly chalking up her mental assessment of her.

   It was something that the older woman did on impulse at this point. After so long of working in espionage, one tended to automatically assess every person as some manner of threat or target. Or at least in the same manner as they would analyze one of those two.

   “Do not worry. I just lost my way. This is big place,” Melina assured her, maintaining a levelness in her tone.

   It was the truth, but she also had not put a lot of effort into trying to find her way back from the bathroom, wanting to find the laboratory that Kate had discussed.

   Her scientific tendencies were in overdrive, and she had a one-track mind when it came to the pursuit of knowledge.

   “Amen to that, sister. I got lost like four thousand times when I first started living here,” the girl wryly admitted, not looking at Melina with quite as much suspicion as she had been when Melina first walked in. She seemed to have lost her bristles and she did not seem nearly as unwelcoming as she originally appeared.

   Melina was honestly surprised that the girl had not asked about her accent, but it seemed that she was far too absorbed in her current work.

   “But, um… Are you on a tour or something? My friend usually runs those, so I can call her and get her to swing around and pick you up so you can rejoin the group,” she offered kindly.

   She was fairly distracted still, her gaze frequently shifting between Melina and the project. It appeared that she was looking at some manner of virtual display with what looked to be a meteor and she had her computer for writing. What she was typing appeared to be popping up on the hologram for her to more easily observe in concern to her data that was charted on the display as well.

   “No, I am here for visit,” Melina stated. The glasses-clad girl not too far from her offered her a brief onceover, apparently trying to figure out who she was with and why she had come to visit.

   “Oh. Okay, then,” the girl seemed to be thinking it over but finally nodded, starting to get up from her work as she let out a long, unhappy sigh. Melina tilted her head, watching as the girl cast the display a not-so-subtle dirty glare.

   Melina turned her attentions to the images on the hologram, considering the meteor as she read the theory that the girl was starting to formulate.

   “So… Who are—”

   “You are having problems with making theory?” Melina pointed out astutely.

   The girl paused, looking behind her at her notes and turning back to Melina curiously.

   “Yeah… Just some issues with the full formulation of it. I was hypothesizing the impact of the atomic makeup of the material in the meteor with respect to the environment surrounding the meteor’s contact point along with its potential long-term effects on human exposure—"

   The younger girl abruptly stopped, looking at Melina uncertainly before chuckling somewhat awkwardly.

   “Sorry… Umm… Probably too much science language. Sorry about that,” she apologized somewhat sheepishly.

   Already launching into the scientific side of herself, Melina squinted a little, reading the analyzation of the meteor’s atoms and coming to the conclusion that it had not been as well-inspected as it probably should have been considering the subject matter of the writing.

   “Have you been able to conduct full examination of atomic structure of the sample? Then you can consider potential reactivities based on number of valence electrons in outermost shell,” Melina declared. The girl completely froze as she stared at Melina as if she had sprouted two extra heads.

   “Well… Not as full of one as I maybe admittedly should have… How do you know all that?” she asked Melina, a certain incredulousness in her voice as she regarded her in a new light.

   “That? That is simply child’s play,” Melina dismissed, stepping nearer as she largely kept her gaze on the hologram. She could see the girl just staring at her unashamedly out of her peripheral vision.

   “In the field of astrophysics, it’s a little basic, but still… That’s a lot for the common person to know,” she persisted, and Melina shrugged.

   “Well, truthfully, I am something of scientist myself,” Melina answered coolly, already mentally drafting some ideas for a statement that the girl could use. She raised her eyebrows in surprise at Melina, taking in that fact.

   “I apologize for statement being basic,” Melina started, trying to remember the proper way to phrase the statement, “but in my time as young scientist, I was often too caught up in work and too eager for results to consider simple solutions.”

   “No, don’t be sorry, I’m the same way. I just… It’s not every day I run into a fellow lady scientist around here,” the girl laughed a little.

   “Do you want help with your work?” Melina asked, and the girl blinked, thinking it over for just a moment before nodding.

   “Yeah, if you’re not busy with your visit and don’t have to get back.”

   “I have time.”

   “Okay. Well, in that case, I’m Darcy,” she offered her hand for Melina to shake, and Melina responded in kind, offering a small smile in reply.

   “Melina,” she replied. Darcy smiled, friendliness in her eyes as she reached for a nearby coat and offered it to Melina. Melina pulled it on, preparing to get down to business.

   Darcy sighed, looking over the notes before turning back to face her.

   “So, Melina… What do you know about astrophysics and extraplanetary materials?”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

   “You did not.”

   “I did!”

   “You couldn’t have.”

   “I did! I insist to you, I did.”

   “It simply isn’t possible. Steve was still frozen in that time,” Carol dismissed, and Alexei was looking increasingly distraught as he tried to explain to her how exactly that he had fought Captain America.

   They had all sat down at this point and Carol was sitting across from Alexei, Natasha, Yelena, and Kate as she listened to his stories about fighting Steve. She had not been very impressed so far, and honestly Carol’s deadpans and smarmy comments had left the women of the room in stitches. Or in Natasha’s case, barely held back laughter.

   “It happened!” Alexei was practically whining at this point.

   “I’m sorry, but I need some pictures or something,” Carol shook her head, a smirk tugging at the corners of her lips, and Alexei narrowed his eyes.

   “Pictures?! There is no time for pictures in middle of fight!” Alexei cried. Carol raised an eyebrow, but she did nod, conceding that point at least.

   “Maybe not, but I still don’t believe it happened,” Carol told him, and Alexei smacked his hand on the coffee table between them, leaning forward as she looked at him.

   “Listen, I give you my word as Red Guardian,” he assured her, and Carol squinted at him.

   “What is a Red Guardian? It sounds like it should be the mascot for Old Spice,” Carol commented.

   “It is not mascot name! It is the hero of Russia! I told you, I am Captain America’s contemporary!” Alexei was practically beside himself, and Carol was just as calm as could be as Yelena laughed and laughed at his expense.

   “So you keep saying, but I’m still not seeing it,” Carol sighed, shaking her head, and the whine was building in Alexei’s throat as he prepared to continue with his fit.

   “Okay, you two, that’s enough. Where is Melina?” Natasha interrupted them, stopping the arguing and bringing up a valuable question.

   They all paused, looking around.

   “She headed to bathroom, right?” Carol questioned, and Yelena shrugged.

   “Maybe it was an emergency situation. She said she had to go so suddenly,” Yelena suggested.

   “Maybe she got lost?” Kate suggested, looking as if she might get up to go and see if she could find and help Melina come back.

   “My Melina is very good at remembering things. She would never get lost on way to bathroom,” Alexei declared proudly.

   Natasha sighed, thinking it over as she considered what could be taking Melina so long. She was instantly reminded of that bad feeling, and she could not help but think that perhaps Melina had not come straight back to them like Natasha had presumed that she would.

   But where would she go if she did not come back immediately…

   Natasha instantly had a thought, and she groaned, almost sure that she was right before she had even confirmed it for herself.

   “C’mon, guys, I think I know where she might be.”

   Natasha led them through the halls, the others having to hurry to catch up with her as she maneuvered around.

   “Why are you moving so fast?!” Alexei complained, and Natasha simply ignored him, weaving down another hallway as she hurried along.

   If Melina was where Natasha thought she was, she definitely did not want her to stay there for long.

   Before long, they were heading through the doors of the laboratory. Natasha instantly spotted Melina, and she was standing alongside Darcy, examining a sample of the meteor that Darcy had discovered on the camping trip that the girls had gone on a while back.

   Natasha sighed deeply, instantly concerned about what Darcy might have told her. One thing that she had wanted to avoid was Melina finding out more than she should. Natasha already felt sorry for the pigs that lived on Melina’s farm. She could not imagine what worse things they could be exposed to in the middle of Melina’s insane experiments.

    And now she likely had even more ideas as a result of being in the laboratory unmonitored for so long. Not to mention the fact that Darcy probably did not hold back on answering any questions she had about anything in there.

   “You are an actual wonder,” Darcy complimented Melina with a wide smile, writing something down on her notepad as Melina pulled back from the sample inspection chamber where she had been working.

   “Oh, no, if you are impressed with limited knowledge of astrophysics, you should see my work in biotechnology. I have developed many serums using pigs. I could give you demonstration of work if you want—”

   “Okay, Melina, that’s enough,” Natasha interrupted, and Darcy quickly paused as she turned and looked in Natasha’s direction. Kate waved to her, and Darcy happily waved back. She stopped and squinted a little as she realized that Natasha had known the woman’s name.

   “Wait… You know her?”

   “That’s my mother.”

   “Oh, wow! Mama Romanoff?!” Darcy questioned, looking at Melina with surprise as she regarded her with a whole new respect.

   “Vostokoff,” Melina answered kindly yet with that typical bluntness that she could not ever seem to escape. Darcy furrowed her brow, squinting a bit as she looked between Natasha and Melina and tried to understand the situation.

   “It’s complicated,” Natasha explained to Darcy simply before looking back at Melina.

   “What are you doing? We were waiting on you back in the common room,” Natasha told her, and Melina shrugged, a certain slyness in her features.

   “It is big place, Natasha. I lost my way,” Melina stated simply. Natasha narrowed her eyes, knowing it was a lie. Despite the fact that Alexei knew as well, he completely passed by that fact and let her off the hook, choosing to instead change the subject to Darcy and Melina’s work.

   “What have you been doing here all this time, lyubimyy?” he questioned, and Melina just smiled at him calmly, looking back at Darcy kindly.

   “I assisted in Darcy’s hypothesis about new discoveries. I do not know much about astrophysics, but enough to make conversation and apparently perform some tests. She was just saying we should stop and get food from kitchen,” Melina explained.

   Darcy nodded, grinning as everyone except for Natasha slowly started to head for the door. They all seemed to be fans of the idea of getting some food, and Alexei and Yelena were of course the ones leading the pack. The prospect of food always drew their attention.

   “Seriously, you’re a genius. And we’ve got to feed the machine if we’re going to get in even more research today,” Darcy told her, and Melina nodded as she maneuvered around Natasha where she was still standing and watching in horror.

   Natasha groaned deeply and tiredly, rubbing her head as she felt the headache coming on. This was exactly what she had not wanted to happen.

   However, distracting her from her woe, Melina tapped her back critically as she passed by her.

   “Straighten back. You will get back hunch.”

   There was a pause but everyone laughed at the sudden declaration, and Natasha flushed just barely.

   After this trip, she definitely had to keep Melina and Alexei away from the compound from now on.

[filet-o-feelings]

Oooh, David had magical powers please! 💚

I keep forgetting about this one! It's been a while since I've worked on it but I think revisiting it may have sparked a little something...

Here's a snippet-

David rolls over and groans into the rough pillowcase. He never knew such low thread count bedding even existed. He's been in Schitt's Creek for a full 24 hours now (it feels more like 24 years) and he's not ready to give up feeling sorry for himself just yet.

Sometimes, he finds himself wishing he could just think things into existence.

Money to replace what Eli stole

More aesthetically pleasing living conditions (also, to not be an adult man sharing a room with his adult sister!)

A restaurant, any restaurant other than Cafe Tropical

And, because he’s a bit of a hopeless romantic: happiness.

Then, the anxiety takes over and he’s grateful that’s not an actual thing, because in a reality where he could think things into existence it would more realistically be:

Moths. Oh god, stop thinking about the moths!

Exes showing up and rubbing salt on his already wounded ego.

General chaos and destruction.

Every negative thought he’s ever had.

It wouldn’t be good. Imagine all the moths; that thought alone is enough to make him take back the wish.

So he continues on, hour by excruciating hour, day by day, eventually finding happiness, acceptance, and appreciation for what he does have.

Ew, when did he start actually enjoying spending time with his family?

Several months pass before he starts to notice little things.

He starts thinking about how moths could ruin his clothes and the next day he is horrified to discover a moth had found its way into his closet.

He immediately gets to work building a cedar chest for his knits. All by himself, if anyone asks.

[reggiejworkshop]

"Night Time Nostalgia Rush"

(Uploading my full description here. Apparently Deviantart think it was too long to post as it kept getting deleted every time I uploaded it, despite not having a limited word count! FML)

My earliest memories of watching TV were spent mainly on Cartoon Network throughout the 90s. I vividly remember the many nights I would sneak out of bed to watch TV in my older sister's room. I didn't get one in my room until much later. But I would stay up as late as I could, or at least until my parents found out I was up, watching all the shows the channel had to offer. The CN originals, the Hanna Barbara shows, the Looney Tunes shows, and MGM shorts. Sometimes my sister would wake up and watch them with me, I would fix myself snacks to eat during the commercial breaks, other times I would have a notebook to draw my favorite characters as I watched them. But it was always something I looked forward to just about every night.

That feeling lasted until the early 2000's when Adult Swim (which I liked) and other newer programs replaced the older stuff I loved. And while I did like some the stuff that came later, the channel was never the same for me. At that point, I had already moved onto Nickelodeon and Disney Channel more often.

I did get a brief revival of that feeling when I got access to Boomerang years later. It ALMOST felt like the CN channel from back in the day when I came across the older shows I liked. But I watched them with a better sense of appreciation for them and even caught other shows I somehow missed out on when they were new. But that gradually faded right up until that channel got rebranded. I'll save my full thoughts for that channel for another time.

Nowadays I don't watch CN that much anymore. Part of the reason is that I've branched out into watching other content, so I don't rely on that channel as much I used to in the past. Plus I've come to appreciate some of the newer stuff the channel has to offer nowadays, even if some of the new stuff is definitely not my thing. But at least its nowhere near as bad CN Real. Anyone who says the channel sucks now definitely was NOT around when this program was on in the late 2000's.

And while I can find a lot of these old shows to watch online or on various streaming services, doing that can never replace those memories of staying up late and binging them for the first time.

Since Toon June is just about over, I though I would close out the month with an attempt at doing the now popular CN Color Pallete Challenge. But instead of doing a typical fanart piece, I wanted it to be something a little more personal. I didn't want this an excuse to bicker about the good ol days, but rather to revisit a key part of my childhood.

[caluski]

Few days ago @ikonofilizm tagged me to do the "put music player on shuffle and list 10 first songs" thing Thank You my dear I loooooove doing this shit 😁😁😁 let's get to it

1. Lucky to get him by Aly and AJ - revisited this album recently, it's really nice and chill, I like the direction they're going in now as adults. I was never really into Americana, but maybe theyve kinda changed that with this release.

2. Another life by Jadu Heart - god, this was the first song I've ever heard of them, such a throwback!!! I remember walking thru the city at night time, walking back from a party I think? Alcohol leaving my body and I just stared at the starry sky. An unbelievably beautiful track. Since then the duo became one of my favorite bands atm.... Please give them a chance, especially their last EP.

3. Liquid air by Temples - one of my favorite tracks from their new album. Talked about them more than a healthy amount of times recently; really good neopsychedelia if you're into that stuff, a 10/10 album for hot summer days.

4. DYNA by PEEL - some more neopsychedelia! It's been a while since I listened to it, but I used to have it on repeat so much.

5. HAUNTED by Isabel LaRosa - ugh, i remember when it came out and I discovered it in like one of those spotify playlists. It had like a thousand plays maybe!!! And I loved it so much, I added it to my midground playlist and had it really high up on my wrapped for that year, and then I checked back a few months ago and it became like a tiktok sound or something with like a billion plays :((((( I guess good for her but mannn my pretentious soul was hurting LOL

6. Assumptions by Sam Gellaitry - some house...ish dance track, i guess. It's fun and I like that vibe of sort of city pop it has going on, but the fucking high pitched sound at the start is the WORST. So fucking annoying. Every time it comes on, even though I actually like the song, the noise just pisses me off and I cant help but skip it!!!! Who thought it was a good idea to START with what sounds like fucking tinnitus.

7. Upside down by Sacha Rudy - ohhhh throwback... I used to love every single track this guy would put out since like 2019. And then he released that EP last year and other than "upside down" I really just couldn't get into it. Felt like a mess. And now he's disappeared since! Can't help but hope he'll come back with something as good as "be a man", because that was my most listened to track that year. So good.

8. Lamb's wool by Foster the People - HEY that's my song!!!!! Oh no wonder it's coming up on shuffle when I've listened to it so much again this past few weeks. This time it's the original and not the Poolside version. One of my all time favorites, like, ever, and if you can only listen to one of the songs I've listed, please make it this one. Who DOESN'T love tracks about how terrifying death is??? I'll hold you so you're not alone 🤓

9. Blessed by August Charles - people who listened to my dinner party/cafe playlist probably heard this one. Ugh it makes me so melancholic. Really good tho. No wonder it's his most listened to track.... I should probably check out his other works bc I really like his voice.

10. Theme of Re:Served by Re:Served - instrumental track with So Few listens that it doesn't even have the count visible on spotify! I remember being obsessed with them back in 2016, when the way I would discover new music was by downloading random japanese experimental albums from my favorite site. This is honestly just like runway music. I love runway music with good bpm. This one is good. You should listen to it and become their third monthly listener with me.

Thank youuuuuuuuu for tagging me!!!!!! Sorry its so long tho!!!! I love talking about songs I love!!!!! Tagging back: @moldavite , @slavicafire (i know u never do these but hope dies last!), @ferdydurke , @jurajurica , @kotikonnut , @skrzynka , @nocylipcowa , and everyone else who listened to at least one of the songs 😁😁😁 let's have a lovely Sunday afternoon everyone mwah

[msmargaretmurry]

what's a book you can reread over and over? do you have any favorite magazine/website columns? which hockey would you put on the cover of tiger beat magazine to grow the game? what are a couple of sentimental objects you keep around no matter where you live? what was the first fic you bookmarked on AO3? what was your dream job when you were younger and is it still something you'd want to do? how do you listen to music?

so many good questions!!

1 - a wrinkle in time. i'm not a huge rereader of things but it's been my favorite book since i was a kid and i love revisiting it.

2 - not really, but i love ann friedman's weekly newsletter if that counts?

3 - i'd have jack hughes, trevor zegras, and cole caufield on there lookin like the next big little boy band.

4 - a mouse plushie named mikey that i've had since i was a baby; the tiny personalized wooden clogs that my dutch relatives brought me when i was really young; a gold cross from my dad's coffin (there was a cross on each corner, my siblings and i each got one); a picture frame my bff made me out of ticket stubs from events we've gone to together.

5 - i weirdly didn't start bookmarking things on ao3 until i had already been using it for years? i only have a handful of bookmarks tbh. but the first one is this merlin fic, which i do still periodically revisit because it is the ending to the show that we DESERVED.

6 - oh, i have always wanted to be a writer. i was writing and illustrating my own stories as a toddler. now as an adult i'm not sure i quite have the patience and fortitude to persue publishing original works (although if the right inspiration struck i might try?), but i still absolutely love having it as a hobby.

7 - there are too many ways for "how" to be interpreted here 😂 if i'm in public (on the metro, in a waiting room, walking, etc) or in my office i listen with headphones; if i'm alone in my apartment i will play it loud enough that i can hear it in every room. i love blasting music in the shower in the morning, lol. also i love listening to albums in order, big albums girlie over here!! and also i love making playlists. i have a playlist for everything — every mood, every trip, every writing project, etc. but i ALSO love throwing on other people's playlists or one of the spotify curated ones and letting new music come to me.