#idk I'm feeling extra like... tired? But not at the same time?? Weird | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

twistedtavern · 1 year

Note

I'm okay with a segmented WIP.

I patched it up, and I'm putting it in little segments, so it's in a publish-able state rn. Enjoy your long asf "pt 2"! I wanted to pad it out more so it flowed more smoothly, but this is all I can provide in my current state. I hope everyone who's been waiting since last year for this gets what they hoped for! No beta we die like Grim

CW: traumatic flashbacks, cannibalism mention (in a comedic way dw), existentialism (dereality? idk just to be safe)

Part 1! Part 3

~ Segment 1 ~

Jamil thought back to earlier this morning, remembering not fully registering his situation, reaching over for his alarm clock, only to be confused when it wasn't there. Wiping the sleep from his eyes, squinting into the darkness, and the realization sinking in that he was far, far away from Night Raven.

He heard a soft sound beside him, and looked to find you, wrapped up in his arms. You looked happy like this, with you safe and secure against his chest, sound asleep.

So it wasn't a dream...

He was finally here, able to hold you, talk to you, live here with you, love you with all his heart, free from the shackles of his past. It was strange, to think of the reality Jamil had been living even just the day before as 'the past', but that was the truth of it. His life was with you now.

Jamil looked back at the clock, seeing that it was only 5 in the morning. For someone who held his previous schedule, a very sensible time to wake up in the morning, but for a free man, an abysmal hour. He blinked drowsily, your warmth tempting him to lay back down and go to sleep again.

He snuggled up behind you once more, happily holding you close. The room was dead silent, the only sound coming from your breathing and heartbeat. The warmth he had felt before was far more subdued, but quite a bit stronger than when you would close the game before. It made him wonder, would he be able to feel your emotions more strongly now that he was actually in the same reality as you?

And so, Jamil laid silently at your side, simply enjoying your presence beside him as he zoned out completely. He had a lot to process, after all.

The seconds ticked by, then minutes, then an hour. The sun had just started to rise, and Jamil looked back at the clock. It was now 6 am, and Jamil didn't feel any sleepier. He was usually up making breakfast right about now, so maybe he should start his day.

Slowly slinking his way out of bed, Jamil took extra precaution not to wake you as he went to grab his bag. In a few short moments, he was all dressed and ready for the day, making some of the extra curry he had brought.

That was when you ran up to him out of the blue, startled by your realization of his presence, and insisting that you help him set up breakfast. And now, he found himself sitting in your living room. The air felt tense and restless against his skin, no doubt the effect of your racing thoughts. It had gone quiet between the two of you, neither knowing what to say.

" So..." you awkwardly began, " You're... alive. Like, ALIVE alive."

" What do you mean?" he asked.

" You're human, not like an imitation of a human, but a whole, full package person with thoughts and emotions and stuff."

" Of course I am."

" That's so... weird... I thought you'd be like HAL 9000 in there or something."

He made a face, " What? I've never heard of that. Sounds like some kind of evil robot..." exasperation showed in his voice as he deadpanned, " You don't really think I'm an evil robot, do you?"

You shook your head, " I mean... You were crying and cuddling me last night, so you seem pretty human."

Jamil looked away, " Didn't have to bring that up."

" That couldn't be fake. Unless you're like... a REALLY evil robot. Then I'm just screwed."

He seemed to grow increasingly tired of this, " Could we not talk about the different levels of evil I could be?"

You, having chosen violence this morning, decided to push it further, " So you're denying that you're evil, but not that you're a robot?"

" I CAN PASS A CAPTCHA."

" That's not saying much nowadays."

His tone flattened as he glared, " Now that I think about it, I didn't poison check that curry before I packed it," causing you to pause and simply blink at him, confused. Until you remembered just who the hell you were talking to as well as his extensive history with poisoned food. Jamil laughed while you spluttered and panicked at the sudden realization, and the almost cartoonish look of betrayal on your face only made him laugh harder.

You realized you had been tricked, and could only huff at him, " You might not be a robot, but you're just plain evil."

" I do what's necessary."

The betrayal gave way to immediate concern, " Scary response, please don't kill me in my sleep."

Jamil's voice went low and threatening as he purred, " Only if you behave.♡"

You almost launched yourself out of your seat at the timbre of his voice, " JEEZUS- Okay, now you're just TRYING to scare me!!"

He sat back, his flinch from the now-fading burst of mixed heat and cold wiping the utterly terrifying grin from his face, " Did it work?"

" I think I saw a vision of my untimely demise when you made eye contact with me."

" Good. Then I won't have to put you in the curry."

Jamil felt another, smaller, flash of cold as you wailed " YOU'RE GONNA EAT ME?!?"

" Hmmmmmm, no. I don't think you'd taste very good."

" Okay, FIRST of all, why did you have to hesitate so long on that- and SECOND, you could have at least said I'd be too sweet..."

" What, you want me to taste test you?"

" NOT WHAT I MEA- Wait. Hold on a second."

Jamil made a sound like what you would expect a question mark to sound like.

" Do you... work like some kind of vampire?? Do you have to eat people or drink blood or something to stay here?!?"

" What? No-" Jamil defended, before he went quiet. His concerned expression only deepened, " I... don't think I actually know the answer to that."

" YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE TO EAT PEOPLE OR NOT?!?"

" Well, shit, I HOPE I don't, because if I have to live as a monster I would have at least liked to have a big scary castle to go with it."

Completely unprompted and without hesitation came your immediate response, " Would you accept me as a sacrifice from the nearby village-"

" Yes." was his, also immediate, response.

You paused in embarrassed silence for a short while.

It was Jamil who broke the quiet next, " I do hope that I don't have to do any of that, though. But... what you said about me being human before..."

" Wait, you aren't?"

" Not technically, I guess. Watch," he closed his eyes, reaching up toward his face. You watched with unprepared curiosity as he began to scratch at the center of his forehead, eventually managing to catch on a seam and tug at the split. Your heart nearly stopped and your body froze as you saw Jamil pull back a perfectly even section of his own face, revealing a luminescent purple skin underneath. You took in a sharp breath.

"OHMYGODWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK-!!!!!!"

A rapid, high pitched string of jumbled words erupted from you as you shot away like a spooked cat. The sudden cold and noise startled Jamil as well, the other sections of his face swinging completely open. He quickly moved to piece his skin back together, immediately going to comfort you.

" Hey- Hey! You're okay. I'm okay. You don't have to panic." Jamil reasoned, standing up to come closer to you. His hands touched yours, and he looked you in the eyes. Any trace of any sort of opening was long gone, and you couldn't help but to become overwhelmed with curiosity. Blinking owlishly, you reached for his face, your fingertips making contact with his cheek. Nothing felt irregular, and if you hadn't just seen what he just did with your own eyes, you would never have known.

" Hooooly shit."

Jamil leaned into your touch, " You do not want to find out how I learned about that."

The cold he had felt before faded, replaced with the pressing aura of your concern, " Is... Does it involve the others?"

" Yes. All of them, they've done terrible things. To each other, to themselves, but Malleus was the worst of them. They left me mostly out of it, but I think that's just because if anything happened to me, you would know immediately."

A horror, awakening deep within your bones, set into you. If Jamil was right, and you had no way of knowing if he was ever wrong, then you had spent months fawning and cooing over monsters, unknowing that they were alive, possibly watching your every move, listening to your every word. You clung to Jamil, seemingly the sole 'good' one, only because you had poured as much love into him as you had. He hugged you as well, clutching you closely in a safe embrace.

" But, we're both safe now." he said, letting out a breath as the cold left him. Jamil led you back to the couch, sitting closer to you than he had been before. You sat silently for a moment, gazing down at the floor. His soft smile faded to concern, " ...Are you okay?" he asked, " Did I scare you too badly?"

" I'm... No. I'm not really okay," you sighed, looking right at him with a seriousness he had never seen from you, " What happened in there?"

Jamil avoided eye contact, " A lot happened. That's a discussion for later."

" It's always later, Jamil! You're free now, you can SAY things!" the budding warmth in the air began to feel as if it were beginning to sizzle against Jamil's skin, " It's not like anyone can tell you to shut up, because you're MAGIC and you can SPLIT YOUR FACE OPEN and jury's still out on you EATING PEOPLE and- and you're REAL, and..." your voice faded into panicked hyperventilating as you stood up, wrapping your arms around yourself as the swirling, uncomfortable heat made an almost sour tang in every breath.

Jamil wanted to reach out and envelop you in a tight, comforting squeeze, but he withheld himself. Comforting Kalim, he had done that his whole life. He knew its every in and out and tip and trick, but you... You weren't Kalim. You were scared, overwhelmed by things far out of his wheelhouse of what he is used to giving comfort for. But... he would try. That was all he could do, in this new world.

Especially for you.

You felt his hand gently come in contact with your shoulder, leading you back to the couch to sit down as he stood in front of you. He looked at you with one of the most comforting expressions you think you've ever seen.

" Listen..." he began softly, " Just calm down and let me help you make sense of it."

A worried, muffled sound escaped you, but it was quickly silenced by Jamil cupping your face in his hands and tilting your head down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead.

" Better?"

You looked up and let out a deep breath before nodding. The air seemed to settle with your heartbeat.

" Good. Now," he clapped his hands together, " The concerns. The face thing is normal, it doesn't hurt if I do it the way I showed you. I didn't mean to scare you when I said you don't want to find out, it's just embarrassing."

You nod again, as gullible and trusting as he thought you'd be.

" I'll be honest, I'm not sure if magic works here. I was able to get here with magic, but that doesn't guarantee I'll be able to use it now that I'm out," he paused to briefly think on it, " We'd have to test it somewhere..." the air was now quite a bit calmer than before, but he felt the need to continue, " And no, I'm not a robot. I'm not evil or a vampire, either. I'm just me. Happy now?"

You stood up and hugged him, and he sighed as he rubbed a hand along your back, feeling you ease up. A part of him thought you just liked listening to him talk, and he honestly didn't mind that.

A mix of a laugh and sigh of relief left you as you joked, " Usually the way things go when video game characters are alive is that they want to kill somebody. 5 times out of 10 that usually happens, so I had to check my bases, yknow?"

Now it was Jamil's turn to be concerned, " Wait, that happens? Is that just a common occurrence here??"

" Nah, just in scary internet stories. They usually suck." you laughed.

Jamil sighed in exasperation and squeezed you, " Don't scare me like that."

" What, like you did to me earlier this morning?" you teased.

" What, like you haven't gotten dressed all morning?" he gently tugged at the collar of your pajama shirt. Amid your surprised embarrassment, you could almost feel his smug expression behind your peripheral vision.

" Shit! I forgot!!" you let go and bolted into your bedroom, rushing to your closet to find something to wear. Jamil sat down and waited for you to get dressed, simply waiting for you to return.

~ Segment 2 ~

" Are you sure? Am I recognizable?" Jamil asked as he fussed with his hair. You had suggested that the two of you go to the park, just to get into an open space and test if things like magic and flight still worked on Earth as they did in Wonderland.

" Relax, Jamil," you soothed, admiring a particularly pretty hair clip, " Your game is a bit more on the obscure side, it's not like you're Mario or something."

He resisted the urge to tilt his head in confusion, " Who's that?"

" Oh. Guess I can't blame you for not knowing. You've probably got something wonky 'cause of copyrights," you mused to yourself.

Jamil sighed, " I don't get it."

" I've gotta show you all this later, we pretty much have... forever," you paused for a moment, letting that sink in, " ...wow."

Jamil went quiet for a moment, too, processing not only his new life situation, but the implication that you thought of this new arrangement as forever. He tensed. His own surprise at your willingness made him consider the alternative outcome, you not wanting him. Him being kicked out into a world where he knew nothing, his chest cold for what may be the rest of his life, having to make it with what he managed to steal from his old world. Jamil swallowed thickly, his fingers beginning to fidget as he considered the possibility.

" Hm...? Jamil, what's wrong?" he jumped slightly as he heard you ask.

" W-What?" he turned to face you, failing to entirely conceal his emotions before your brow furrowed, " Nothing's wrong."

" Jamil, you're from an anime game. You're a lot more expressive than you think," you said, giving his head a loving pat, " You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I wanna know what's bothering you."

He placed his hand over yours, giving it a slight squeeze as he avoided eye contact. His silence hung for a few seconds before all he could do was shake his head no. Your features softened, and you moved to gingerly cup his face with both hands, " Hey. I love you, okay? I'm not gonna love you any less any time soon, and that's a promise."

As you leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead, Jamil felt a bloom of warmth in his chest, and when your lips connected, it felt like a circuit had been completed between your heart and his. His insides swirled with the tingling softness of butterflies, and it felt like you had taken all the thoughts that troubled him and muffled them with a big, warm blanket. Jamil wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to bury his face in your shoulder. You leaned into it, embracing him in turn and shifting your body to support his, slowly rubbing up and down his back for good measure.

Eventually, the tension in his shoulders was released with deep, shaky breaths. You knew those, those were about-to-sob breaths. Jamil felt you give him a squeeze, and his next breath was steadier. He took in another one, and quietly said " Do you... Do you promise it'll be forever?"

" Well, I mean, unless you get tired of me. You're uh... kind of way out of my league." you muttered, internally wincing.

He squeezed you tighter, and the rhythm of his breathing hiccuped slightly with the barest hint of exasperated amusement, " I crossed the boundaries of realityto be here. I wouldn't let myself get tired of you."

Relief flooded you at the feeling of the situation lightening. You gave him a little pat, " That's good. Do you want me to hold you a little longer or are you all clear to go?"

Jamil considered pulling away, but he just felt so warm in your arms... maybe it would be best to stay. He shook his head and clung to you, easing when he felt you get comfortable in his embrace. You sighed contentedly, " Aww, you're just a big lovey snuggle bug after a-"

" A BUG???" he cried, suddenly completely upright. You felt that if you hadn't already been holding him, he would have jumped into your arms like a cartoon character.

Startled by his outburst, you rushed to soothe him again, " No no no- not an ACTUAL bug. No, Jamil, you're okay. You're safe. There's no bug," you assured, guess you have to be more careful with your terms of endearment.

Jamil sighed in that exasperated way he always does, and instead of just moving on, you stayed stubborn in wanting to call him snuggly. He is clearly not a bug, so he was...

You beamed once the answer, an admittedly obvious one, came to mind, " You're a snuggle snake!"

Jamil looked at you with an indiscernible expression for a brief moment, before the most adorable smile you had ever seen broke out onto his face, and he started to laugh, the sound genuine and happy. You couldn't help but to start laughing alongside him. Your joy fueled his, and his fueled yours, making a beautiful cycle of laughter, warmth, and feelings of butterflies between you both. It pushed his worries away like pesky rain clouds, and made room for sunshine. Not the blistering hot sun of the desert, but the soft kind of sunshine in children's rhymes and storybooks. At that moment, the two of you were inseparable, and that was all he needed.

It was this kind of happiness that he was so unaccustomed to, this light brightness in his heart that melted him softly from the inside, even as the laughter died down. He looked at you with a soft smile, " What am I ever going to do with you?"

" Maybe come to the park with me, for starters," you teased.

Jamil conceded, " Alright, alright. I'm ready to go now."

You turned to walk towards the door, but out of the corner of your eye you saw a bit of movement. You looked and saw Jamil's hand trying to discreetly reach for yours, but your next step put enough distance between the two of you to make him give up the chase. But before he could lower it to his side, you turned to reach for it. You took his hand in yours, and Jamil felt his face heat up, as if the two of you hadn't just been all over each other. The feeling of connection through the touch returned, the pulse in your fingers meeting his and coming to share its pace.

You led the way as you went to grab your wallet and keys before heading out the door, Jamil shyly falling into step behind you. Once you left the apartment and locked the door, Jamil began to look around, curious about his new surroundings. His expression held a bit of innocence to it, and it almost looked to you like a puppy poking around its new home.

Once you reached your car, you noticed that Jamil was looking at it with a thoughtful expression, his head tilted ever so slightly to the side.

" Something on your mind?" you asked gently as you moved to unlock the door and get in the car.

" Ah- Well..." he took a moment to find his words as you opened the door for him from inside. He got in and simply said " I'm just not used to things looking like... this."

You looked at him quizzically for a brief moment before realizing what he meant. You couldn't help but laugh, " Looking like something that's not worth an entire country?"

It was plain to see that he was doing his best to be polite about it, but it was easy for you to put two and two together. Judging by how he looked away, you knew you were right.

" Yeah... I guess I'll just have to get used to it," he admitted, " But at least I have you."

Having been caught off guard by his soft, sincere tone, you tried to hide your flushed face, the butterflies in your stomach stirring. He smiled sweetly, unable to resist how cute your reaction was.

The car soon rumbled to life, and Jamil looked out the window, eager to see his new surroundings. You couldn't help but smile. It was nice, seeing this new side of him and knowing you brought that out. You turned on the car radio, switching between stations until you reached one that fit the mood. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Jamil look over at the radio, accompanied by a small 'hmm', before he resumed looking out the window.

But, as the scenery passed by, he laid eyes on a sight, a scene as common as they come, but one that filled him with a deep, all-consuming dread. Old voices filled his head, memories that could never be buried, for they laid the code by which he lived.

" Jamil! What are you DOING?!? Put that away before Kalim sees!"

A family. A mother and father, clutching the tiny hands of their children as they strolled merrily down the sidewalk.

" For every two you win, you must lose three."

A single thought crossed his mind.

" Quit your crying, you have to go cheer Kalim up. I know it scared you, but it's your duty."

What had he done?

They were going to face punishment, be thrown out, or worse. He ran, and they were going to suffer for it. His family was doomed, and it was all his fault. Jamil didn't register the sound of your voice from beside him, caught up in the downward spiral, a spiral so familiar it almost felt natural.

" Jamil!"

He snapped to attention, looking over at you with wide, teary eyes. Your expression turned to one of surprise, and before he could wipe away the evidence of his thoughts, the car suddenly turned sharply. Jamil clung to the door beside him as you practically swung the car into a parking spot, stopping immediately. The click of your seatbelt came from beside him, and soon he was being smothered with affection.

" Are you okay? What's wrong?" you asked, your voice urgent but gentle. He could feel what he could abstractly label as a mix of your concern, your protection, and your love, all rolled into one. Jamil was still reeling from the sudden stop, but he clung to you the first chance he got.

" You... you stopped? For me...?"

" Of course I did! I couldn't just keep going! Now tell me what's wrong."

At first, he couldn't get the words out. But, the sincerity in your eyes compelled it out of him, " ...I guess I'll have to get used to that, too."

" It's just the two of us. I'll always stop and make sure you're okay," you assured. And, for a moment, you couldn't help but to see the boy that had been hidden and repressed under years of responsibility and terrible treatment. There was something in his expression that brought a protectiveness to your heart, and you wrapped your arms tightly around him, " You're with me now. I'm not gonna let anyone treat you like that again!"

You leaned in to give him a kiss on his forehead before looking him in the eyes, cupping the sides of his face in your hands. He put one hand over yours instinctively, leaning into the touch as if he were trying to hide his face in your palm. Jamil couldn't look you in the eye anymore.

" Would it be better if we got to where we were going first?" you asked softly, and when he nodded, you pressed your forehead to his in understanding, " That's okay, just hold my hand while we go."

You put one hand on the shift and the other on the wheel, feeling Jamil's hand settle on yours as you got back on the road.

It didn't take long to reach the park, casting furtive glances at Jamil as you went, and soon you came to a stop.

~ Segment 3 ~

You clung to Jamil with all you had, the only thing keeping you from falling being a thin rod of wood and magic you didn't know would even work until now. He had one hand on the shaft of the broomstick, his other arm over yours to comfort you.

Jamil took a deep breath in, savoring the sweet night air. The stars overhead were shining so brilliantly, reflected in his dark irises that looked at you with nothing but gentle wonder. The glass was no longer shimmering between the two of you, any and all barriers to your touch removed save for the clothes on your back. His face heated and he pointedly looked down to avoid the thought. But it brought a question to his mind, was this what he imagined this to be? This freedom, the loss of everything that had shackled him in his brief years of life? He looked back at you when he felt your death grip on his torso loosen, and he realized that no, for all his knowledge and experience and hopes, he could never have imagined a feeling so blissful and truly splendid.

To not only be loved and understood after a lifetime of hiding, but to love and to understand another, it was unparalleled. Soaring through the sky with the only person in this world and the world before to know him, truly know him, with their arms wrapped tightly around him, trusting him wholly with their being, there was no crime he could commit that he would regret should it be required for their safety. Jamil tilted his head back, resting gently against you.

" Is this scaring you?" he asked softly.

" Are you kidding? This... this is amazing! You're amazing!" came your breathless response.

Jamil's face heated, " I-it's just flying..."

" Jamil, it's MAGIC! I never even thought that was possible!" you exclaimed, smiling as the wind whipped at your clothes.

The sound of your disbelieving laughter and the feeling of your arms locked around his chest made him almost dizzy, and he felt glad that you were positioned behind him, or else you would have seen his flustered face. It was embarrassing, feeling like some love-drunk cartoon character whenever the warmth surged in his chest. He was usually good at not showing his emotions, but he couldn't keep the puppy-love smile off his face.

You buried your face into his shoulder, smiling brightly. Everything felt perfect, like riding off into a happy ending's sunset. Jamil had successfully managed to save you from a fate in the hands of his treacherous peers, and got to stay in this new world with you forever in return.

There was nothing that could spoil this. Absolutely nothing in this world, and this world specifically, that could be going wrong. Certainly not at this very moment. It's not like they could come through the connection that you and Jamil had absolutely closed permanently.

Or that one already had.

Jamil's brow suddenly furrowed slightly in thought, " Wait... We severed the connection, right?"

You looked at him, " What connection?"

He looked back at you, a horrific sinking feeling in his stomach, " We got rid of the game, right...?"

You thought for a moment, dread creeping in for you as well, " No... You just shut the phone off."

A terrible, freezing feeling stabbed through the two of you, the icy chill of fear.

In your humble little home, an intruder began to stare down the reflection of his own red eyes in a knife he had grabbed from your kitchen. An old friend of his had once told him not to touch knives, thinking that he could hurt himself.

Too bad he never would have thought he would be hurting someone else.

~ Segment 4 will get its own post because I hit the word limit ~

#self aware jamil #self aware au

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diathacorny · 7 months

Text

More story concept thingies by moi. Not much to say, but lemme know whatcha think, y'know? My birthday is in a couple days, so I'm excited for that, but I'll be extra happy if ppl were to comment their thoughts:)

Title: Eight Days Of L¿ve

Basically a girl who was transported to a different world for almost a year finds a way to go back. But she no longer wants to leave, and the only way she can leave is by true love’s kiss. The thing is, she isn't in love, and none of her companions feel that way for her, though they're desperate for her to stay. That's when one of her closest friends steps up, offering to be her true love. But, they don't love each other like that! And they only have eight days to fall in love.

(I kinda don't like this one, tbh, idk. Current era, btw)

(Same girl, kinda - alternative - not rlly. Current era, btw)

Title: Alicorn

“That was almost thirty years ago, and it was nothing more than just a dream. A weird one..” Forty-seven, almost fort-eight, it was a very long time ago for this old girl. Compared to how she was in that dream, she was pretty different. To everyone she was The It Girl, but as an older gal in the face of reality, she looked like any other mid age woman you'd see at a grocery store. Just a bit of a loser, never married, never had children, and really just some lame old librarian (sounds like the life for me, lol, jk). “Life is simple, can't complain, and at least I get paid. Then again, the pay really is ass..” If the people in her dream saw how she is now, they would have never guessed. Two days after her forty-eighth birthday, another tired night of sleeping on a hardass mattress and papers of bills that have yet to be paid, she wakes up to be falling through the air. And next thing she knows, she's back in her dream - thirty years later in Alice Sworn (idc I already have several characters named Alice, I'll name a whole world Alice, idgaf).

(Entirely different thing now. 1700’s)

Title: Man In The Box (And yes, HIS NAME IS ALICE, I DO NOT CARE, HIS NAME JUST *HAD* TO BE ALICE. It's just too perfect in his case. For bg, I have *several* characters named Alice.)

A young man (Alice) who was abused all his life, scorned and ridiculed, and literally the only job people would let him take was the jester in a box. He'd pop out, they'd throw all sorts of matter at him - smeared makeup, clothes stained from either rotten food or blood, either way it hurt his feelings and his body. He never understood why everyone treated him like this (his parents had the black plague, he doesn't know this, peeps won't tell him shit to keep up their laughs), but he wants to be seen, seen beyond just an object of entertainment that no one directly touches. Not even a prostitute paid handsomely would touch him, so he automatically had to sigh and turn his gaze downwards when he spotted a daughter of an aristocrat brushing out her hair, sitting ever prettily at her open window. “A beauty, yes, but I? No.. She'd soon scoff and order me to be pummeled for existing in her rich perfume-sprayed world.” In an alleyway, as he slept, cultists took him away, finding him to be quite convenient, nobody would give a shit if he went missing. Eyes flutter open - “Ah, it's waking up.” - lights are bright, eyes squeeze shut - “It needs a moment to process.” - and eyelids shoot open once he realizes people are talking. He looks around, automatically freezing up as he sees that he's chained down to a.. Stage of sorts..? “You're on a sacrificial altar. You are to be sacrificed to our deity, our reason..!!” One of the cultists said, his hands hailing the ground. Alice sputtered, weak wrists attempt to pull out of the rusted bonds, “Y-You- You can't! This isn't right! What the fuck is happening!? Let me go!!” He sputtered and yelled with fear, hardly understanding what was happening, though it was (loosely) explained. The cultists all laugh together, and one of the women are heard saying, “Oh, look at that.. It's panicking! Hahaha!” Alice can only look at them all, their voices mixing in with an ear ringing effect in his head. He speaks again, “Why are you doing this to me?? What did I ever do to you?!” One of the men replies, “Simple. Nobody cares about you, nobody wants ya, so you going missing.. We're practically doing the streets a favor!” And with that last sentence, the cultists jeer and chortle again, truly making the fool a fool. “Aren't you called the thing in the box? Oh, don't worry, we'll make sure to mark your grave as ‘Man In The Box’, since no one was ever willin’ to see you as a man!” More malicious mockery is heard, insults barely audible with all the noise and Alice's inner turmoil. Anxiety causes him to choke and cough on nothing, breaths coming out heavy and sharp, “I don't want to die- I don't want to die!” The cultists together reply, “He who is breathing, yet unliving, is dead. He who has suffocated, yet living, is alive. You are dead and breathing, so we'll give you the ‘life' you never had,” the cultists all hold up a long knife at his chest, and then it thrusts down into his chest. — ‘Everything is black, no.. There's flickering of lights. Am I blinking? I can't seem to be able to control what's happening.. People are screaming, I can taste something so delicious and juice inside of my mouth.. Something I never tasted before. I want more, I need more, it tastes so good..’ — ‘When I open my eyes, all those people who were going to kill me.. They're all dead - torn apart, mangled. As if a great, big and terrible beast has gotten to them. I lick my lips subconsciously, that deliciousness lingering on my tongue like nothing else has. Now that I think of it, it tastes just like a pomegranate. I blink and look around, really taking this all in. Surprisingly, I don't feel so scared anymore, not even as I stare at dead bodies that I don't know the cause of death for. There's something that seems to be so natural about this.. I'll just collect my clothes and go.’ (Dawg got turned into a vampire and doesn't even realize it yet, crazy. Yolo, ig)

#writing #almost my birthday #what's on your mind #oc #oc writing #art #I'm not awesome at writing ik #i'm doing my best

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rival-the-rose · 7 months

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Eating disorder rambling under cut

Eating disorder etiology is so weird. I've been sick again, so I've had another baby relapse. Or, another dip in my larger trend down since my peak recovery in early December and then getting sick end of December. It's just like clockwork, I get a fever or go on antibiotics or vomit and then every eating disorder urge hits even if I've been recovered for months. And I know the pop culture (and even psychiatric) understanding of eating disorders is skewed and shitty but it's somehow still surprising to me when my thoughts are not centered on my body or health or whatever. Like, I think people expect safe foods for ed ppl to be salads or whatever, but today the only food I've been able to eat is old stale tortilla chips that probably should've just been thrown out. It's still "virtuous" food, like morality is still the criterion by which the food is considered "safe", just a different system of morality I guess? And typing out the implications of that morality system makes me sad (ie, the only food I'm worthy of eating is just short of garbage, but my brain presents it as... idk. Something less depressing than that. Like this is gonna help save the world, but it doesn't come with wanting a system to only eat food like that or feed others like that). It's just so weird to go from pretty happily eating three meals a day to feeling morally repugnant if I feel full. Or even right now my usual coping method of thinking of the cheapest meal that is still a complete diet just seems both overwhelming and like I don't deserve that. Like I don't deserve beans and rice with salsa+sour cream, and also that meal is too hard to make.

And there are body thoughts but those feel more conscious somehow. Like the fact that I can barely wear the size 2 pants I bought when I came back this fall really really bothers me but those thoughts almost come as a reaction to whether or not I'm eating. Idk. I just feel like right now I can see how organic and insane it all is, but usually I can't see that on my own. Which either means progress or I'm extra crazy RN. It really makes me wonder what about the illness is triggering - my inactivity+lack of productivity leading to feeling like I don't deserve food? That would make sense but would have to happen at a higher order of thinking than I think this is. Just missing a meal? Maybe I'm constantly closer to relapse than I think and one meal is enough to throw it all off. But sometimes it feels like there actually something physical that changes when I get sick like my brain falls into an old rut that sick me is too tired to yank it out of.

I wonder if someday I'll be able to look back on this the same way I do the pica I had when I was anemic - raw meat and cigarette butts hold zero appeal for me now but were so enticing at the time and it felt so normal. I hate the idea of still struggling like this in another 15 years. But I don't know how to stop being terrified of gaining weight, or to stop soothing that fear with the thought that actually I do know how to lose weight and it's relatively easy. I've never truly had a healthy relationship with food or exercise but I hope I can soon. The idea of spending my entire life like this, of being like the 80 year olds in the hospital, is horrifying. Objectively, the thought of spending my youth like this is even more horrifying (even though my current agreement with myself is to stop this behavior when I'm 40). And on having that thought, I asked myself to get up and eat, and I couldn't do it.

Anyway. I'll pull my shit together soon esp since we're going out of town which usually will make it way easier to eat.

#i am happy to chat about ed stuff but i know it's triggering for basically every single person in the world so...

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spaghett-onaplate · 8 months

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Something pretty lame and inconsequential and a slight bit stupid I did that I want to share (must be the catholic in me):

Last night I was sad and pissed off and I really couldn't sleep. I didn't get drunk but I poured some red wine from a goon bag into a plastic cup because the couple of times I've been tipsy I was tired and cared less, which I needed then when I was unable to sleep and caring too much. It was lukewarm from the cupboard on a hot day, tasted really gross so I took sips of water or iced orange juice between. This was around 7am, me having woken at 2pm the previous day, after I ended up sleeping 8am-12pm and then not at all tonight (it's 6am now, stayed awake for the good reason of fellowship tonight tho) so I'm tired and therefore oversharing and over explaining all of this pointlessly but I will be fine after I sleep a lot tonight. Anyway I was quite tired by that point, the drink didn't do anything really noticeable but made me a bit airheaded, I think just staying up the same amount of time without a drink would have equally lulled me to sleep. Mostly I just regretted pouring it bc it was gross. And whenever the fan wafted the smell over it was gross. And I couldn't even rinse out the cup and brush my teeth before sleep like I planned bc my brother and his gf arrived (8am) so I just drank some more water and set the cup behind my curtain. Idk it's really not a big deal very tame in comparison to other alcohol stories but I just feel like sharing it somewhere, mainly so it feels extra lame and doesn't become a habit (I heavily doubt it will), but also just because I can't really tell my mum I snuck wine from the kitchen without concerning her or tell my friends that really don't drink, nor my counsellor (who I see in weeks anyway) since I'm pretty sure that's something he's legally required to report. I don't even drink this was my third cup of alcohol ever and wasn't an attempt to get drunk. Idk man just weird times. It worked to get me sleepy but was no more effective than just waiting the same amount of time. Maybe it was being given a distracting task (drink this gross thing)? Should I be doing sudoku puzzles when I spiral? I got a crossword book some time ago but the clues and answers are capital s Stoopid.

Anyway moral of the story it's probably good to have loser experiences with alcohol because it will probably sway me off the whole thing

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sgkjd · 8 months

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there are times it feels like my leg dislocates from my hip bone for a bit when i am walking and place the weight on one of the feet weirdly (it suddenly starts hurting and i have to stop walking). i'd say this happens 2 times a month on average? sometimes happens a few times a week. a new thing that happened recently though is my wrist? getting the same feeling?? i was working and moved my hand too fast trying to take a pen or some other trivial thing when my wrist started hurting and i couldn't move it suddenly. i massaged it for a bit and it kinda went back into its normal position? although the background uncomfortableness in the hand didn't go away completely?..

i should probably see a doctor shouldn't i. it's just that idk what to tell them. bc my physical pain tolerance is really high it's really hard to determine what things that my body does interfere with my daily life or are "enough of a problem". and i'm too used to having most of my physical symptoms in general being dismissed as "stress things".. like no one ever cares to check further with tests etc. and i'm too fucking tired of trying to prove i "actually" struggle with this and that. so i think unless anything more serious happens to my body i won't be seeing my doctor. idk. i am kinda worried though, my joints have always been weird but in the last few years they've become extra weird.

#idk why am i saying all of this here #i guess just trying to gather up thoughts etc #; words generated by me

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heartfucksmouth · 1 year

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today was a bit better and I saw some family for Easter. my BP readings stayed about the same (morning vs when I got home again) and I tried really hard not to eat a lot of carbs so my blood sugar didn't go insane. I think I went over still bc .. everything was carb heavy and i had almost no protein/fiber since all they had was ham and turkey and I don't like turkey much but I can't eat ham. There was tons of rice and potatoes and candied yams. I ate mainly salad and coleslaw lmao but I grabbed a good piece of lasagna bc my aunt makes it so good. diabetes sucks :)

we picked up our car seat and stroller (the Nuna Tavo + Pipa Lite) from my mom's house, and i love it. It's so lightweight but has awesome safety ratings. we're gonna install the LATCH base tomorrow and practice putting the system together and taking it apart.

I just spent way too long looking at pediatrician offices, and I'll have to double-check they take Medicaid. it's so confusing bc insurance won't add the baby to my plan until (clearly) he's born, but the pediatrician offices want to see him within a week and where I'm giving birth needs the pediatricians information when I'm going into labor. it's like, well, this doesn't really line up, but okay.

I'm tired, but I feel like I have so much to do. I'm 1/3 packed for our hospital bag - mainly toiletries and the baby's going-home outfit and an extra swaddle sack - and gathering paperwork. I just ordered a nice bathrobe which will be helpful.

my birth Class is also insane with the amount of information and the amount of homework we need to do during the week. my head legit feels like it's spinning most of the time. I thought info would help calm me down but I get such anxiety and feel this weird pressure bc I have to be induced and they do focus a lot on unmedicated/natural birth and like making labor + delivery some spiritual beautiful empowering experience., which I don't think I'll have. they have a lot of info on how to advocate for your needs which i appreciate, but my trauma basically convinces my mind that I'll end up being at the mercy of the nurses etc and idk. I want to be more confident about it but I'm mainly scared haha.

#personal #food tw #high risk pregnancy #pregnancy tw

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squid--inc · 2 years

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I'm gonna rant in the tags. don't reblog, I'm venting

#tw rant #why tf does my manager have to do this shit to me?#so‚ previously‚ I was available sun through thurs (I need 2 days off at least for chores and relaxation‚ burnt myself out-#doing worse before) and because they rarely scheduled me sunday‚ it meant I got a 3 day weekend-#which wasn't necessary but nice‚ and I prefer it over what I have now.#ask manager about needing more hours (they tend to give 4 hr shifts for each day available‚ ask later if you want 8 hr that day)#he says 'if you were available mon-fri you could get more' so I swap availability‚ and what happen?#i have the same hours but now the 3 day off is a random time of the week #And I don't know about other people‚ but that random day off gives me a chance to feel all the exhaustion but get none of the rest #so I go through the rest of the week extra tired‚ making the same amount of money as before.#I'm pissed about it‚ and I know its a weird and whiney thing‚ but why the fuck tell me I'd get more hours if-#I'm working THE EXACT SAME FUCKING HOURS?????#I need a need job‚ but I've been here so long that I likely can't find anywheres that pays as well with my skills #unless I actually figure out how tf to set up commissions where people can't see my real name attached to my p@yp@l #(I want to note: I'm less tired end of week doing 2 days off‚ working five days in a row than I am doing 1-2 days‚ day off‚ 2-3 days on)#(IDK my brain works shit)

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acourtofantumbra · 2 years

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Pulling at the Thread of the Day Court and the Dawn Court Pt.1 - Alchemy & Other Realms

☆ All SJM spoilers: ACOTAR, CC, and TOG ☆

I might be putting this insanity out into the tumblr wilds, but trust that I do not think anyone would ever care to read something this long. Idk if my college thesis was this long. This is a literal invitation into how my neurodivergent brain works. Expect real a to b to q to wow we've just fully veered off the road... where are we even going? energy. If you get tired along the way — yeah, trust me that's normal.

So, I'm doing my first re-read of ACOTAR!! Tbh during the first go around I struggled with the OG trio (I DNFed ACOFAS multiple times lol) and it's been well over a year since I've read them. But recently, I binged every other SJM book/series. So during my messy reread I've been picking up on a lot. And enjoying it more! But there were two fleeting moments from ACOMAF & ACOWAR that caught my eye and led me down what will become (maybe) the longest fucking theory spiral. Like multi part...

Honestly? It's been so fun. My job is very soul sucking.

In short — nothing about this will be short lol — the thread I followed brought me to Helion, his Day Court, and weird connections to both the Thesan/the Dawn Court and one of ACOTAR’s many unexplored Faerie Realms. And some realms not in ACOTAR. I also take a look at both Helion and Thesan’s powers (as well as some others) that have me questioning... some unexplored "magic" from multiple worlds. Happy to call all of it crack theory, but I will be citing as much canon as tumblr's image limit allows. This is gonna be a long and winding road!

I always add books and page numbers (and try to add any other relevant citations) to the visuals/sources I use, so check those out if you need some extra info!

Color Key: spoilers, notes from me 2 u, important, important + links, mentioned later in the post, mentioned in another post of mine or in a future post

Day Court Powers and Dawn Court Powers

Alright, so the moment that caused me to spiral was a snipe from Lucien in Chapter 11 of ACOWAR. Feyre’s plan to GTFO of the Spring Court is fully in motion, but she's freaking out about Hybern weaponizing faebane. Breezing past that, Lucien confronts her about being a big ol’ liar whilst reminding her that he has other friends, ok?

So, two things: I was trying to remember who Lucien’s friend was and thought, Oh right, the ‘Master Tinkerer.’ The friend that made Lucien’s golden eye, which is itself magical.

But then I got caught up in a different question... Like hold up, what healing powers did Feyre use in this moment he’s talking about?

Because that's the main power of the Dawn Court that's canon thus far. Especially because Lucien is pointing out that his friend’s light and Feyre’s light comes from “the same power,” which he seems to know intimately, and their “light is identical.” At first, I was just confused because who is this non-High Lord person with High Lord power? And are we all cool with that or...?

So I flip back to ACOMAF to remind myself wtf we’re talking about here… which of Thesan’s — or the Dawn Court’s — powers did Feyre use in the Hybern/Cauldron event at the end of the book? A display noticeable enough that Lucien clocked Feyre's light looking familiar — perhaps because his mechanical/magical eye might have related functions.

As it turns out we're not talking about Thesan’s powers at all… we’re talking about Helion’s powers. Which might be why Lucien is intimately familiar with how the power works — for wholly different reasons... like having inherited Helion’s powers himself.

So Feyre breaks through Hybern's wards so she can get her sisters and IC out and reestablishes her bond speaking with Rhys, but notably she still can't feel the bond with Hybern's spell crushing down on it. But she pretends she's broken the "curse" Rhys has put on her to make her like him more than Tamlin...

Tamlin... my dude... no...

And while Feyre gave an Oscar worthy performance convincing everyone that her very nice Night Husband was evil the whole time, Lucien is suspicious as hell... and so is his eye.

Lucien knew Feyre was full of shit and with “centuries of cultivated reason” he might know about some other lies *cough* who his real dad is *cough*. But his mating bond with Elain has freshly snapped into place… so his priorities shifted, one could say, and doesn’t call Feyre out.

Ok, so where are we now?

Feyre used Helion’s Day Court power - his light and his cursebreaking/spellbreaking to take down Hybern’s wards so the Night Court could get her recently Made sisters out of dodge. Lucien clocks this because he has a friend in the Dawn Court with the same abilities and the same light and also maybe because he personally knew Papa Helion’s powers were being used.

Here's a post from whitewolf-ofdoranelle: detailing some evidence about Lucien maybe knowing the truth about Helion and his powers.

About Light in the SJM Multiverse:

It's becoming more important by the second!

We have many different shades that seemingly allude to overarching people/powers/plots. Most of the time when we encounter characters using or emitting light, they/we don’t exactly know where it comes from or how it works. Which is why so much of the understanding re: our shining characters is still just speculation at this point.

But we know it's for sure important with the introduction of the Starborn Line in Crescent City and the lore that connects Midgard and Prythian (tho the stories are not identical... someone is lyinggg). We’re building that knowledge more extensively as the multiverse comes into play.

For example, when Feyre glows after the mate-a-thon with Rhysand in the mountain cabin she wonders what court's light is turning her into a 100 watt bulb...

It very well might be a different light! Helion's light has been described as healing! Of all the glowy boys — Thesan is actually the glowiest and the brightest! Are they different? Are they the same? I really don't know!!! And I'm sorry if I've made you more confused now too. Tho I do delve into Thesan more towards the end.

A thought I've had re: Helion's kind of light (I'll get more into in another post) has everything to do with Pelias... and Helion's sensitivity to the Dread Trove.

In ACOSF, Helion has to have the IC cover the mask and physically remove himself from the area... no one else has this sensitivity (at least to this extreme) and all Helion has to say for himself is this:

It's worth noting that in Midgard they don't seem to have the same distinctions regarding light powers. Like... everyone who glows (minus Hunt) is Starborn?

In Prythian we have Dawn Court light, Day Court light, Night Court shadows and perhaps this (to borrow the Midgard term) Starborn light. Pelias, the controversial figure in the lore connecting P + M in the King Fionn and Theia story, is said to be a Starborn prince. But at every turn the Princes of Hel are quick to point out that Pelias' power and his light are nothing like Theia's — who is, by their claim, the true Starborn power holder — and her daughters'. They also say Theia's daughters have starborn and shadow gifts, but that isn't necessarily part of Pelias' skill set either... I'm lookin' at you Aidas.

Anyway, I've toyed with the idea that perhaps Pelias' light powers, because Midgard lacks the distinction between light powers, could be Day Court-like. And it would make sense that the Dread Trove would ward against anyone in that lineage considering "Pelias wielded [Luna's] Horn until he died" (HOEB). JUST SOME THOUGHTS.

Check out this absolutely incredible (a comprehensive) theory post from @wingedblooms about the different kinds of light in the SJM Multiverse

But back to Lucien’s friend who has Day Court powers… who is she?

It’s Nuan! A character I was like, "She seems cool, can’t wait to get to know her.”

And then ACOWAR ended and we never heard from her again... womp. But, some might call this a loose end.

It's me. I'm calling it that.

Considering she played a big role in Lucien’s life (a former main-ish character with nothing but loose ends), provided critical help to win the war against Hybern, has a suspicious amount of power, technical skills, and connection to distant faerie realms we still know frustratingly little about… Nuan has nothing but potential! Welp, let’s get into it.

So remember how Feyre is like “What if everything I eat has faebane in it, wow that’s suddenly a huge problem for us right now on the verge of war?” And then Lucien is like, “You have my friend’s powers, you liar?” Coincidental? Cool.

When Nuan is finally introduced by name, she's shown up at the tensest High Lord meeting ever at the Dawn Court. Why? She wants to let everyone know she invented a cure for that pesky Faebane. Helpful!

There is a metric ton stuffed into her introduction and it's hard to even know where to begin, but I'll try.

Just know the “she looks kind of like Amren thing” is incredibly specific and out of nowhere.

Whenever SJM throws in an “oh, I just kinda thought that… strange” and “oh hm maybe i saw that person glowing like a 60 watt bulb but maybe not” etc etc etc… statements, they are always important. There are more of those moments to come and every series by her is full of these.

Anyway, ACOTAR has had 5 books (4 novels, one novella) and this comparison to Nuan is among one of the more specific pieces of the “who and what is Amren” puzzle we get. We’ll get to it, but we’ve got a mountain the size of Ramiel to dig through first.

Back to the Dawn Court scene: Being his usual discriminatory self, Beron aka the High Lord of Autumn is suspicious of Nuan’s miracle cure for faebane for because he's an asshole and a xenaphobe — we’ll come back to this. But she counters with her own commitment to protecting the fae from being poisoned and powerless. Go Nuan! It also seems like she's a very dedicated scientist, but that behind this science there is also magic. Makes sense when you consider the whole magical appendages gig she has!

Nuan monologues about the Mother aka higher power/god/[insert mystical lore here] situation who is suspect #1 in the whole “what are the gods?” conversation. The gods, etc. are known lore — which exists in different forms ACOTAR, TOG, and CC — and they're complicated enough to warrant their own massive post.

Anyway, Nuan explains that the Mother provides “everything we need on this earth.” Nuan simply needed to find what the Mother has provided Prythian to stop Hybern from “wiping out” their powers. Considering she applied this logic and it worked… seems legit... and important?

So yes, the way she phrased her scientific method struck me... and left me with so many more questions than I started with. Like what did you use and how did you do it and where did you find it??? What do you mean this earth?! I could keep going!!!!

However, her antidote can’t protect fae entirely because physical objects made from faebane will still have dangerous effects. Sounds like her compound is able to… dare I say… break the curse or spell of faebane? But if the physical object that makes fae vulnerable comes barreling at them… well that’s a whole different story. Kind of like how from the first scene I mentioned: Feyre could break the wards and the spell silencing her mating bond with Rhys, but she still couldn’t feel any of the physical effects of the bond with Hybern’s spell shutting her down.

Nuan, it seems, not only has Day Court-like powers as a person whose family isn’t from Prythian, or the Solar Courts, she can transform magic/power into physical objects - magical mechanical body parts and medicines, for ex. Kind of like less spooky Nesta sword versions of Made objects?

But this is apt considering she’s not just a tinkerer (a word that will always make me lol), but Thesan introduces her as an alchemist.

Let's talk about alchemy, baby

So let’s take an unplanned detour off the cliff of what tf is alchemy? VERY COMPLICATED is what it is! You may wonder where the heck are I'm going with this... patience my friend. Possibly somewhere... maybe nowhere... idk. Look, I said this would be long.

I promise we'll delve into actual historical contexts, but I'm gonna be real with you... I'm not a scholar, or a philosopher, or an archaeologist, or a theologian, or a chemist, or an anthropologist. I took courses on these subjects, but I just enjoy learning about this stuff/consuming content about it. Alchemy is very mysterious, very "lost to time," so it's hard to get it right. And just to keep it 100... my deepest and longest exposure to alchemy comes from a beloved manga and anime series. If you're like... "yup, absolutely not." Skip the rest of this post if you'd like... or skip ahead. To both fandoms... I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do. lol.

Alright, raise your hand if you too love the manga and anime series Full Metal Alchemist… If you’re not raising your hand, I highly recommend giving it a whirl. And maybe don't ruin it by reading any of this. If you think Kingdom of Ash has insane world building culminations and… pain... yeah FMA has that and emotional pain I’ve never healed from. *sobs* 10/10

Much like SJM and her use of universal mystical concepts and traditions, FMA also references much of the real history of alchemy and, by association, incredibly complex mystic religious principles. And what would ya know? Turns out FMA is a super helpful tool to explain/understand this very difficult subject.

So let’s take a quick look at the main character in FMA…

That’s Edward. He’s a rascal. He’s also an incredible alchemist who’s able to transmute — woefully basic explanation: turn objects from their original form into something else through the law of equal exchange — without a transmutation circle. That's a rarity among even the greatest alchemists. Because he can do this, at age 12, he becomes the youngest State Alchemist (he works for the government begrudgingly). Though, in the image above, that's Ed with a transmutation circle and hm... is that a star shaped rune? I digress.

You might ask... where is there an instance of a "law of equal exchange" in SJM's worlds? It might not be a perfect parallel, but... there's definitely something going on with give and take regarding magic. And that has major implications re: how much magic each world has (and how much the Asteri need to consume/wreck worlds for). I'm a broken record but... that perhaps will be its own post one day.

When Nuan talks about the Mother providing what that world needs... I feel like we're touching on something here. And as an alchemist, her work would be centered around this law of balance. Of course, we get absolutely no details from SJM.

But let's look at something we've encountered a bit more, like the Great Rite. Note: not my favorite magic tradition in these worlds... But it keeps coming up, especially where characters with mysterious pasts are concerned.

I've also made a post tying it in with Hunt from Crescent City and... idk... once I saw it, I can't unsee it.

First off, Lucien shakes off shadow hands multiple times talking about the Great Rite... please take note of that for a point below.

But we get reference of a tradition that must occur every year for their magic's cosmic "give-and-take." Sounds equal exchange-like.

High Lord becomes the Hunter (Hunt... is that you?) who needs to find the Maiden (Bryce is this what you guys are doing?) selected by the magic. Then they "couple" *sigh* and generate magic that's released back to the earth and all is well and magical for the coming year. Sure.

The Maiden has come up countless time in the references to the triunity or triple goddesses throughout ACOTAR, CC, and TOG (Also long and complicated - I am 100% doing a post on this). Short version: the triple goddess = mother, maiden, and the crone. Three-faced goddess. All the moon goddesses implicated. Witches and their goddesses... Persephone-like characters... etc. etc. etc. I'll get into it another time... this is my super bowl. But the Maiden has everything to do with the Mother and vice-versa, just as Nuan pointed out in her assessment of balance and magic within this world.

Outside of the Great Rite's Hunter and the Maiden ritual, Lucien says the rest of court takes a part in the night, "though it’s not the Great Rite, our own dalliances tonight will help the land, too" (ACOTAR, Chapter 21). Energy spent becomes energy reaped... even if they don't get the ritualistic title. Is this reminding you of science class and the first law of thermal dynamics: energy can't be created or destroyed it can only be transformed? It should.

It's notable that every Court has a Great Rite they must comply with to power the magic of the land, though we're only familiar with the Spring Court's Calanmai tradition. But in ACOSF, Gwyn mentions multiple times that when females "come of age" they can, and seem to be expected to, participate in the Rite. And we all know rituals with titles and milestones have never gone wrong for anyone... *stares in Crescent City* (The Drop). But also, we're seeing instances in both CC and ACOTAR where magic is waning... like the balance is off. Rhys tells Feyre that Starfall souls are less plentiful and well... we know the Asteri are over indulging in first light. Essentially, exchanges are not equal and there are traditions in place to keep them that way! What's changing? What does this mean?

The TikToker ahappyhermit posted her first podcast episode about Starfall and the dwindling souls and it's awesome. She's also got a lovely reading voice!

Back to FMA, transmutation boiled down also feels suspiciously similar to Aelin and co. drawing their wyrdmarks... something many SJM theories speculate will make a big return come CC3/ACOTAR5.

Alchemists even wear objects (clothes? yup! prosthesis? yup! fake eyes... eye patches? yup!) or have tattoos (Aelin and Bryce's world walking tats? TOG witches w/ the Eye of the Goddess tats?) with transmutation runes to help them attempt to do what Ed can do — transmute without crouching down and drawing out a rune.

In an attempt to try and spare you the full rundown of the science and magic of both alchemy and the world of FMA... there's gonna be metric tons of nuance I'm leaving out. The FMA fandom are effectively scholars at this point and I just want you ALL to know I know I'm watering some of this down.

Why can Ed transmute without a circle? It's really complicated, and important, but I'll do my best to summarize. First, it helps that, like Nuan, he has a metal arm - in FMA it's called automail, it's as complex as we've come to know Nuan's work is (albeit a little less magical), and basically he can do science faster/easier with it (I'm so sorry this would simply take too long to explain). And because *giant and complete FMA spoiler alerts across the board - like seriously I'm going to discuss all of the big reveals* he does some majorly taboo alchemy — resurrection of human life — that takes his leg and arm (and his brother's entire body, but not his soul leaving him as animated armor). Performing the taboo human transmutation opens a portal to the Gate of Truth. It opens, revealing a dimension of information which manifests as a shadowy void with several shadow-like hands coming out of it and a single large eye within. And this isn't just pure FMA canon, it draws inspiration from the lore of the Tree of Life.

Shadowy hands and something with a big eye watching you in a knowledge void? Hm... Let us turn to Nesta spiraling out and falling down the House of Wind steps and into her Making memories from the Cauldron. This does not include the MANY times characters, from multiple worlds, mention feeling shadowy hands (*wink* Dorian), but we saw examples with Lucien above.

The Cauldron kind of sounds like a big eye in a shadowy void that is perhaps a different dimension stacked with information, huh?

And what happens after Nesta's spiral? She comes to and realizes she's sparked and embedded her hand, and then handprint, in stone... which is also glowing.

Did anyone else find this moment/detail weird when they were reading? Cassian found it super weird!

Back to Edward, at the Gate of Truth, he meets a god, Truth. It's a whole thing. Insanely long story short, by reaching the Gate, Edward sees into the void that holds the truth of the universe. This allows him to bypasses the need to draw runes and instead channels the energy of alchemy/all the nature bending stuff he does by his own will.

Effectively, Ed seeing beyond the Gate allows him to break the rules of nature and freely wield a "different magic".

Interesting, because what Nesta has taken from the Cauldron seems to allow her to bypass the natural order of things too. No markings or weapons needed.

Throughout the series some (Illyrians) call Nesta a witch and refer to her different, powerful magic as unnatural. In fact, even the other magical beings of Prythian do not get her magic.

Hypothetically, and just pretend with me, Nesta could (she gave it back) do a kind of alchemy without the limits of nature/the laws of Prythian because she she took too much from the Cauldron/void of truth... it stands to reason that, much like using the wyrdmarks in TOG, that alchemists like Nuan are tapping into something totally different magic-wise. Like most High Fae have some magical capabilities, but the High Lords are usually the ones with the more robust skillset. Alchemy might be this secret link to why characters — multiple groups of high skilled/non royal fae/even humans in TOG — can display huge power... as well as create objects with incredible abilities like arms and eyes... and... Prythian iPods?

Helion might not have tinkerers like Thesan, but he does have piles of libraries and scholars... oh ya you can be I will be doing a post just on libraries.

Anyway so we've got some suspicious powers around, suspicious magic objects created for other purposes originally, and magical objects like body parts and medicinal powders. We've got multiple instances across worlds that implicate magic and cosmic balance... specifically that balance being off now.

Especially with magic being targeted (First and Second Light in HSOAB) as a deity food source - I think correcting the broken state of magic with alchemy could very well become... something. And I explain below an instance we already have seen where non-magical magic does just this in the SJM multiverse.

But in the next part of this theory spiral this connects (perhaps!) to Nesta and the Cauldron/Gate of Truth concept I outlined. Specifically, alchemists who see it and come back have taken too much from it. It comes at a great personal cost, but they have superior nature-bending abilities. The "great personal cost" thing is a TOG quote... just btw. Spoiler alert: witch mirrors

Ok, I promise just a few more comps using FMA and we'll move this train right along...

Finally, in FMA and alchemy seven is also big number and I get into some other instances in the real history below. There are seven Homunculi, beings with tremendous power who have their own agenda with a much bigger scope than what's happening on this sole planet/realm. And actually, there's a secret eighth Homunculus that's been hiding in plain sight for the whole show (like a secret 8th court?)... and ends up being the creator of the other homunculi... as well as being Ed & Al's dad (like said secret court being an origin point for all our favorite fae?). What is a homunculus? It refers to the medieval legendary concept of a being Made and brought into existence by certain means of alchemy and it requires the Philosopher's Stone (too complicated to even get into, but it comes up again in my Pt. II post). Also fun fact: in FMA, Homunculi all carry the mark of the Ouroboros... like that (witch) mirror in ACOTAR that people have been mighty suspicious of.

The Homunculi are aptly named after the seven deadly sins - pride, envy, lust, wrath, greed, sloth, and gluttony. Makes you think... Asteri are pretty gluttonous... Valg? Princes of the Pit? Angels? Scions? Some High Lords? Nesta? IDK?! Anyway, the Homunculi begin as villains and some change their allegiance along the way. But not all not all of them are inherently evil. Despite looking like the human characters/beings in FMA, "Homunculi are still aberrations of nature created by violating the laws of the natural universe, and as such, have no souls." It's complicated, but they're incapable of accessing the Gate of Truth or regular alchemic (read: magic) powers, because they lack souls. Some weird Valgy/TOG god/Asteri/can't get through a damn portal parallels, no?

Ok, that was still SO long, and I'm just gonna leave these many kernels of thought I have failed to really wrap up here... whilst staring into my own void... and catalog of all the characters and beings we've run into described as something else or Made or bred. I will spare you from the whole chimera conversation... FOR NOW... but I'm looking at all of the spooky murder pets our heroes have fought off... and truly every Asteri "experiment" being. Just know that.

Has Sarah watched this show? Dude, I don't know. But I do know that we both entered the world of fantasy via Sailor Moon. According to this post she even wrote wildly popular Sailor Moon fanfiction. So she has watched and loved at least one anime. FMA is wildly popular, has a rich fantasy plot that's a masterclass in world building with brilliantly researched foundations in global mystical traditions, and it's penned by a woman! So, no, I'm not 100% convinced she hasn't.

So, is alchemy real? Kind of...

OK, I swear I'll focus now. So alchemy! There was a time when people believed it was real (from the ancient past to Isaac Newton who wrote a lot about alchemy and very real science). The way I have come to understand it, alchemy exists within the crossroads of science and mythology. It's even been considered a kind of witchcraft or spellwork. However, alchemy did either lead to, or exist along side, many important scientific laws and discoveries we still hold as truths/are taught today.

So... witchcraft, eh? We've had allusions to witches in ACOTAR, but we seem to be lacking the noted presence of such beings like we've seen in CC and TOG (though we still don't fully understand their powers across the board)... unless they're hiding in plain sight dressed as something else?

Interesting... no? I am far from the first to suggest the Made Archerons are witches (and Pt. II will have more witch talk and citations to great theory posts I didn't write). But hey, they could be alchemists too...

We know from Nesta's perspective in ACOSF that she absolutely took more than she should have from the Cauldron and she is using/making tools (read: swords) right and left. Plus, Mor's description sounds suspiciously like alchemy that's... gone rogue or without equal exchange. Also, more simply, everyone calls Nesta a witch (specifically the Illyrians) and she's cool with it. But that's could be because she revels in being scary and we love her for it.

Alchemy as word reveals much about it. Like most terms that have an "al" to start (algebra, algorithm, alfalfa, alcohol, almanac...) is an Arabic syllable for “the,” and we see it show up in the language of math and science.

"Alchemy was rooted in a complex spiritual worldview in which everything around us contains a sort of universal spirit, and metals were believed not only to be alive but also to grow inside the Earth... Historian Nevill Drury, in his book "Magic and Witchcraft," notes that, "The word alchemy is thought to derive from an Egyptian word, 'chem' or 'qem,' meaning black — a reference to the black alluvial soils bordering the Nile ... We know that the Greek word 'chyma,' meaning to fuse or cast metals, established itself in Arabic as 'al kimia' — from which alchemy is derived." Live Science

"Alchemists attempted to purify, mature, and perfect certain materials. Common aims were chrysopoeia, the transmutation of "base metals" (e.g., lead) into "noble metals" (particularly gold); the creation of an elixir of immortality... The perfection of the human body and soul was thought to result from the alchemical magnum opus ("Great Work"). The concept of creating the philosophers' stone was variously connected with all of these projects." Wikipedia

There's a lot going on there, but we're speeding right along. You can ask questions at the end of class. No, seriously ask them because I'm probably not gonna dig that deep here.

Alchemy has roots in many different ancient places and sprung up independently of one another.

"[There were] at least three major strands, which appear to be mostly independent, at least in their earlier stages: Chinese alchemy, centered in China; Indian alchemy, centered on the Indian subcontinent; and Western alchemy, which occurred around the Mediterranean and whose center has shifted over the millennia from Greco-Roman Egypt to the Islamic world, and finally medieval Europe." Wikipedia

As it turns out, Sarah and alchemy have a lot in common — they love mixing a matching the myth of many places into one magical tangle. There's a lot to unpack there and I wont get to all of it here... but I will try to eventually. One thing I will definitely touch on in another post is alchemy's connection to the God Hermes who keeps coming up in my research — he has many powers, but notably he's a world walker.

So from the quote above I'm gonna dive into connections with what we know about elemental fae magic, then we get back to Nuan and Alchemy's far reaching geographic history, and how that brings us to major questions marks around Helion and Thesan and their Courts.

Elemental Fae Magic vs Alchemy

So we don't know everything about elemental fae magic across worlds, but from the recent books and leading plots... we get a ton of focus on weapons (swords) being the biggest world connections (CC 3), Nesta forging narban blades, and Rhys explaining finally what this world is and what magic/fae used to be like.

Something new, eh? Something different?

As the LiveScience quote above points out, alchemy is magical, scientific, but it's also deeply connected to the Earth and laws of the universe. So elements play a big role and, you guessed it, we get the number 7 again (if you don't get why I keep referencing 7 I encourage you to take note every time the number 7 comes up in TOG, ACOTAR, CC because it's near constant):

"The elemental system used in medieval alchemy... consisted of seven elements, which included the five classical elements (aether, air, earth, fire, and water) in addition to two chemical elements representing the metals." Wikipedia

If you're unfamiliar with the concept of aether, here's an incredibly rushed explanation that's still somehow too long:

Aether has roots dating back to ancient Greece and means, "in Homeric Greek, 'pure, fresh air' or 'clear sky'. In Greek mythology, it was thought to be the pure essence that the gods breathed, filling the space where they lived, analogous to the air breathed by mortals. It is also personified as a deity, Aether, who is at times relates to Chronus, Erebus, Nyx, Chaos and Hemera (this is its own post) in traditional Greek mythology. Aether is related to αἴθω 'to incinerate', and intransitive 'to burn, to shine'."

Traditionally there are 4 elements - air, earth, fire, water. But in the Medieval Age (read: alchemy time), scientists concluded there was a 5th element. Aether was considered the material that fills the region of the universe beyond the terrestrial sphere. Unlike the four terrestrial elements that were subject to change and moved linearly, aether was a celestial element that moved circularly and had none of the qualities the terrestrial classical elements. Aether also is tied in quite often with light. And this is significant because light is notably how scientists (have — some theories since disproven — and currently do) measure distance and travel within space.

I find aether particularly interesting because, within the SJM multiverse, we have seen magic wielders display powers that would fall within the terrestrial elements (ex. Autumn Court's fire powers, Rowan's/Whitehorns' wind powers, House of Many Waters & Aelin's mom's water powers, etc.). But then we have these outliers whose powers work a little differently... perhaps more powerfully... specifically when we're talking about light and shadow. And with the allusions to burning, shining, and breath... we've got a lot of interesting Starborn connections. Also... travel within non-terrestrial spaces??? Come on now!

Back to Elemental Fae

In the ACOSF passage above, Rhys explains that Prythian Fae magic used to be more elemental — like the elements above. He also says their kind of magic could forge great weapons, just like Nesta who creates her narban blades... and a reminder that there are the 5 discussed elements and also 2 metals (we wont get into specifics here, but just... metals ok?) to create the 7 alchemic elements.

Tons here to analyze but take a look at TikToker chemicalrosie killing it on the analysis of elemental fae magic, weapons, and connections across the SJM worlds. She does most of the heavy lifting on this point (thanks Rosie).

In Crescent City we get more hints of elemental fae magic. In fact the Houses themselves seemingly represent these elements: House of Sky and Breath (aether? Also potentially air?), House of Earth and Blood (earth), House of Many Waters (water), House of Flame and Shadow (fire... also aether?). Under the House of Sky and Breath there are even beings called "Elementals," though we don't exactly know what an elemental is yet because their mentions are limited. Am I screaming "alchemists" into the void? Sure am. If they were elemental fae... wouldn't they just be called fae??? We do know they belong in the same House as angels, fae, and those blessed by major gods (which we know can give a magical or non magical being gifts of varying levels from TOG).

We also get mention of an Elemental War, which Lehaba mentions a distant relative sprite being involved in. Though that is sort of the extent of what we know about it (unless I'm wrong and feel free to tell me I'm wrong always).

We also get another depiction of elemental fae magic forging a weapon (refer back to that TikTok above if you want to delve into who this is and what it depicts in the multiverse).

So we're not gonna get too much deeper into elemental fae magic (tho let me know if you want further digging on this because my unhinged brain knows no bounds), but let me sketch my overarching point with this.

We have multiple points of reference within the SJM Multiverse where elemental magic and its noted difference to starborn/aether-like magic is being woven into this bigger world-spanning plot. Obviously, I referenced CC and ACOTAR here, but I could have dumped a ton of TOG references in here too (and will... later!).

We also have a multiverse with magic that seems... out of balance. We do not not know why all of these element-related mentions have been baked into the plot here and there. What was the Elemental War and why are magic abilities so different among Fae at the very least — and why are they different than they were before?

We also have metal/Made/superior substance swords linking our multiverse and being forged despite that not happening in a very long time. But now that Nesta has relinquished her stolen power back to the Cauldron... and we've got a world walker stuck in Prythian who may want to leave with one more sword than she landed with... seems like special weapon forging might be a useful skill. If only there was someone who could make magical metal objects without the powers of some spooky void or magical land decree...

Oh wait... we do have that person. And perhaps she also has a whole team of alchemists like her.

That's right folks... the last part... of this first part...

Back to Nuan and Other Faerie Realms

Oh my god this is so long. If you're still reading... I think we're officially betrothed? Idk. I love you.

Ok, so Nuan is described to us as so unique looking (look, I am not saying this is a great moment from SJM) she can only compare her to Amren... a [we have no idea but lots of speculation] being from another world.

Then we get a stark moment of xenophobia from Beron during the Dawn Court-High Lords meeting... because Nuan's parents are from a Fae realm called Xian. Xian is a faerie territory located somewhere in the Continent (I will speculate a ton below) that notably supported the loyalists during the war that resulted in the wall between the mortal lands and the fae realm. That means Xian was pro human slavery and that they ultimately lost. Nuan follows this up by reminding High Lord Asshat that she is as Prythian as his sons (let's go girl).

Beron's outburst also causes Thesan to jump to her defense because (that's his girl) his mom was from Xian... actually the majority of his court is from Xian?

ALRIGHTY THEN! Where to start?

So first off, just extrapolating from what we get in this exchange re: Xian... a place like most places SJM has not explained at all to us in that we know almost nada about it. If Xian supported the loyalists... and then they lost... and then a bunch of fae relocated to the Dawn Court in search of "a better life," we might (read: I do) assume that this was a territory south of the wall. Faeries, after the war, were not allowed to stay in the southern part of the continent.

Why do I find this interesting? Why have I spent 800 years getting to this point about an alchemist from Xian? Why do I even think alchemy is worth spending this much time thinking about when this is the only time we encounter it in ACOTAR?

Well, because it's not the only time we encounter it in the SJM multiverse.

So, in TOG, there are alchemists on the Southern continent who provide really important firelances to Aelin & co.'s fight against the Valg. A magical, very effective weapon that non-magical beings can use... and it's so impressive Aelin is relieved that her waning fire magic will be supported by such... firepower.

You know what else conveniently pops on the Southern continent in TOG? Healers and their Torre Cesme... Yrene Towers ilu. Isn't it just so coincidental that the Dawn Court's powers just so happen to be healing powers? And that in the TOG world there's an entire Fae healer community that relocated to the Southern Continent, bred healing powers into the mortal population, and then just... disappears? And also like are dead in crypts that are unbreakable for Valg related reasons, but I digress.

And something else that's fun is that Thesan and Nuan aren't even the only characters in that scene to get a cryptic allusion to a familiar sounding Southern continent that is notably... not one we've met via ACOTAR.

When Feyre describes Helion (it always comes back to him doesn't it?) in, yes, that meeting of the High Lords at the Dawn Court... I swear to all these freaking gods I didn't plan this! Anyway, she "all the sudden for some weird reason" starts thinking about a place her dad (feeling like I have to do a deep dive on Papa Archeron because the more I research not looking for him the more he pops up) visited as a merchant — south-eastern kingdom that sounds suspiciously Antica from Tower of Dawn. And we know when she thinks fondly of her father's merchant days she also always brings up spices... so there's that. (worth noting that this scene with Helion is BIG in my pt. 2 post)

So, obviously we get allusions to actual empires/places within these "different realms" in the SJM multiverse. Xi'an is the name of a real province in China (and has gifted the world so much food-wise and i'm sure countless other ways but I wont rest until I have cuminy lamby noodles asap) and the Khagnate/Southern Continent of the TOG world draws inspiration from the Mongol Empire (how I feel about SJM's... useage of these empires is it's own separate convo). It also includes a lot of the territories where alchemy sprung up independently and thrived that I mentioned before.

Sadly I'm out of images I can post (holy crap), so just... google it

Cool so we've got a lot of relevant territories covered here re: their SJM multiverse parallel.

Obviously Amren is the mystery that keeps giving and tons of people have their theories about her... and I guess SJM at one point said she's some kind of archangel... personally? IDK! Do I think it's strange, in my untangling of this curious maybe from another world territory population, that Amren... a being we know is from another world chose a Xian fae body? Yup! Especially because the southern continent, as we learn in Tower of Dawn from the Stygian Spyders (her handmaidens... which is what I thought Amren could have been, but that's not my theory battle I choose to fight) that there was a big ol' door/portal/whatever that Maeve walked herself and clique through. Hm...

Also, let us not forget when Nuan casually mentioned in her alchemic practice that the "Mother provides everything [they] need on this earth." What does she know that we doooon't?

And while I know I've wanted more, more of the other solar courts — I think perhaps they've been held back because they'll play an integral role in whatever happens next. I mean in addition to everything else Thesan's got a population of winged beings that sound suspiciously like Midgard's angels and Helion's got the only flying horsies (and libraries... I cannot stress how preoccupied I am with libraries in these worlds).

Re: Dawn Court... light-filled healers in TOG (specifically Yrene) play an essential role when it comes to the Valg (who we're not 100% are also the Asteri or Daglan, but let's say they're in the same fam). Yrene can "cure" the people the Valg infect and *the biggest of TOG spoilers* she kills the big bad Valg with her powers. But before she does that... Erawan (which will always just remind me of the fancy shmancy grocery store) wants to capture her and says her powers/what she can do goes far beyond what she understands... and... at the end of the day... us too... SARAH!!!

I will be doing a verrrry deep dive into TOG-world healers because every single page I read describing... like anything about them was making my SJM insanity senses tingle. We haven't spent a lot of time with Thesan and his powers, but we know Feyre's blood can heal others so... curious to see where that one leads.

But the other thing we've got in TOG is a lot of people of varying... let's call them heritages having varied power abilities... and even humans being able to use magic (like wyrdmarks). They've also got a god city and scions and I simply cannot spend anymore time going on tangents here, but know I only have more questions... no answers... help.

OMG we made it. To recap we've got: connections to other faerie realms (whether in ACOTAR or the multiverse which would implicate some world walking), we've got alchemists/alchemy, we've got healers, we've got two light wielding courts with some magic overlap and, and at the very least, magic irregularities. We've got gods all over the place. We've got... so many questions... but hopefully some thought provoking parallels!

If I had to make my very bold "conclusion" to whatever hellscape of a hypothesis this is it's that I do believe the Dawn Court and the Day Court have some mix and matching travel/world walking situations with the southern continent in TOG and ditto for that relationship regarding more elemental fae and Midgard. And with alchemy (that I really hope either exists in this world, manifests as just witches like babes I'll take it) acting as the connecting thread between the power balances of the worlds... idk I think we're gonna get some answers there. And I think perhaps they'll be very important to connecting the worlds.

Mostly... this is my plea to SJM to bring back Nuan! Tell us about the other glowing boys (Thesan & Helion).

Seriously, if you read any of this... thank you and just know I'm sending you a little virtual kiss. Ok, let's both go touch some grass now.

Pt. II is mostly written and coming to a tumblr near you soon.

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kimbap-r0ll · 2 years

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Hello, can i participate your match-ups event? i would like a twisted wonderland matchup please? also congrats to your 100+ (i guess you have 200+?) followers too! 🎉🎉🎉

I'm actually a female btw.

Appearance: I have a black short hair, Brown eyes, fair light skin, my height is 5'7", im quite chubby a bit..my clothing style is like gurenge the way i wear is boyish type with a dark color, sometimes i wear a bit girls clothes and cute clothes (kinda like soft girl aesthetic) if i want to and i wore a glasses, i used it sometimes if i can't see a far.

Personality (+about me):

-Im a (akward) quiet and shy person who have a stoic face, im very bad communicating/interacting with people cuz i have a bad anxiety issues but atleast i try/want to talk people if i want to (but not a lot, its getting tiring when talking to people). -People didn't really know that im a bit softie person and playful when it comes to my loved ones or friends, i dont easily open up to anyone with my behavior. -I have a short or maybe quick temper i can pissed so easily and is trying my best to control myself but mostly hard dealing my emotions, if i hurt people's feelings i'll apologise immediately if im calm. -My friends commented me like im sort of mother/sister figure in our group, the way i act i didn't quite realized my behaviour the way i treat my friends or my little cousins. -Im very insecure person, i been compared with someone who is smart, pretty or etc than i am because i wasnt one of them, it makes me think i wasn't enough. -The way i act is boyish, but im bit act like a girl like im very shy, embarrased or flustered compare to the girls who acts girly. -people was wondering why always stay inside in my room, all i do is study, watching anime, reading manga/fanfics, playing video games with my younger cousin and sleep, but i sometimes go outside when i wanted to buy or walk around. -when it comes to my friends or family, i give them a headpat or hugs, but if i had a s/o, i will give them lot some hugs & kisses, i secretly kinda clingy or likes giving some affections but doesnt want to admit.

MBTI: INFP

Zodiac: Aries

Hobbies: Drawing (digital & traditional), Reading, Playing piano, gaming, babysitting, do martial arts and listening music

Likes: going to quiet place, sweets,(not a lot) , cold drinks, cute things or stuff, bunnies, watching anime & reading manga.

Dislikes: noisy/loud people, spiders or maybe bugs, math

My Love Language is:

Physical Touch: I like hugs/cuddles and kisses this is they way im showing my comfort or affection but im very shy when it comes show or expressed my affections to my s/o, but im very careful that i wont be extra clingy to them so i have to asked them first before showing it.

Quality Time: If i have a free time, i would like to spend time with my s/o, but i'll let them choose they want or plans for spending time with them.

Words of Affirmation: I maybe not good at talking, but i love and try my best give my s/o some compliment, praises and comforting words.

When it comes the partner: I kinda like when my s/o who have same hobbies like me, i would rambled them my likings, also who also very honest and loyal to me, if my s/o is had problems or insecurities i will give them so many hugs, head pats and kisses. lastly, who have patience and accept for who i am.

Fun fact about me: + I maybe wore stoic expression cuz im not that a smiley type but i smile and laugh sometimes but my friends know my weakness which is tickling me this fails me to laugh, they even try to picture me.

+ Im a soft person who loves cute things like wearing cute clothes, plushies, or etc, and i adore cute animals. i hate to get caught if someone knows about my weird habit of mine i might ended up teasing.

Thank you and i apologise if this is kinda long, also again congrats! have a nice day/night! ✨

Hi, thank you! Yes it’s technically much more than 100+ (I need to do something to celebrate 300 but I’m already close to 400 so idk what to do 😭), but more importantly, your matchup! I think that there’s a lot of characters that could work with you, but the one that would be the best is…

Idia

Hey look, your pfp! No but seriously, you guys match so much in vibes it’s so cute!

He’s someone that would prefer someone who understands his nerdiness and who can relate with him so he completely understands you. He’s into anime and manga, so you guys could recommend each other different series to watch or read! I can imagine you guys talking for hours on your favorite shows, or maybe taking forever on anime streaming catalogs to see what to watch next. He also really likes listening to music, so sometimes you guys just vibe next to each other while one of your playlists are playing. He’s always wanted to draw, maybe make his own comic one day, and he admires your skill in drawing so much. Please draw him one day, he’ll absolutely melt! You guys would absolutely love playing video games together. I can see you guys gaming until sunrise sometimes haha.

He’s not the best at doing pda, but he’s probably more clingy than he seems. He’s like you in being shy at first to initiate any kind of physical touch, but once he gets more comfortable around you, he won’t worry about cuddling with you. He’s not going to do any kind of pda, but when you guys are in private he’s totally cool with it (he might want it too honestly).

Speaking of physical touch, give him headpats! He’s been through so much (*cough* chapter 6 *cough*) and he’ll just melt if you give him any kind of soft attention. He’s probably a softie at heart like you are, so you guys match wavelengths so well.

Idia would love to spend as much free time with you as possible, even if that means you guys just hang around in his room or your room. Please just text him if you want to hang out since he’s more than willing to spend time with you. Ortho might ask you if he can join just because, and honestly all three of you might have a vibe going. Also Ortho’s adorable and he loves seeing you guys together so much (probably starts calling you “sis” too).

He will never judge you for what you like, your strengths or weaknesses, or anything else. He loves you for who you are, loves you for being an artist, a plushy lover, and a gamer like him. Know that he’s always going to be by your side and there for you.

Overall you guys match vibes so well, and he just loves being with you so much he could probably cry 😭

#twst x reader #twst #twisted wonderland #twst headcanons #twst imagines #twst scenarios #ask box #twst matchup #twst idia #twst idia shroud #twst idia x reader #idia shroud #idia #idia headcanons #idia x y/n #twst ignihyde #ignihyde x reader

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redrisingsun · 3 years

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Swedish Holidays for all your Young Royals needs

Due to popular demand (by like five people) here’s a brief description of all the major Swedish holidays and how they’re celebrated because I can’t stand here and pretend as if we really celebrate Christmas the 25th. We have more holidays, I've only written about the ones we celebrate in my family. I come from a working class family and live in Southern Sweden, however I do have family in Stockholm. I'm not religious in any way and as far as I know, most families don't celebrate these holidays because they're religious, but because it's tradition.

yall better appreciate this, it took me literal hours

January

1: Dubbed as one of the collective pizza days in my household. It's the day after New Year, and most people either order in or eat leftovers.

Week 2 or 3: Most people return to their jobs, schools and other daily activities.

February/March

Fettisdagen ("Fat Tuesday"): celebrated 47 days before Easter. The actual date varies, all from early February to early March. It's an old Christian tradition where you'd eat fatty foods before the "before Easter"-fast and is supposedly a thing in other Christian countries as well. These days, most people celebrate by eating semlor with their family, and most don't fast before Easter.

The semla is a sweet bun with whipped cream and almond paste.

Våffeldagen (Waffle Day, 25th of March): I think this day stems from a Christian tradition, but these days the day is mostly to get together with family and eat waffles.

April

Påsk (Easter): Again, the date varies, but Easter is usually in April. Easter stems from Christianity and is celebrated to remember Jesus' death and resurrection. Easter spans over a week, but I personally only celebrate one of those days.

Påskafton (direct translation: Easter Eve, English translation: Holy Saturday) is the Saturday of the Easter week. In my family, the children get to look for Easter eggs (often filled with candy).

Some children also dress up as Påskkärringar (Easter crones) and I think this tradition has to do with the Witch Trials in Sweden, but I'm not sure. Chances are you won't need to know anything about this for your Young Royal fics, because mostly girls dress up.

Sometimes, we decorate eggs.

Later, we sit down to eat together and spend time with our families. Common things to eat for Easter is potatoes, eggs, herring and meatballs.

Valborgsmässoafton (Walpurgis Night, 30th): We burn a big bonfire in the evening to celebrate that spring is here. I live in a fairly small town, so mostly everyone gathers at one spot and burns the fire together. When the bonfire is burned, most people go home and that's it. It's also seen as a reason to have a party (mostly for teenagers and young adults, I think) and get drunk as fuck.

May/June

Sveriges Nationaldagen (Sweden's National Day, 6th of June): Most people are home from school and work. We hoist the Swedish flag. Idk. However, the Royal Family celebrates by getting dressed up in Swedish costumes. This year, the King held a speech and the family went to Skansen (which is an amusement park/zoo. You can read more about it here). There's music and the military does their weird little thing. You can watch the National Day Celebration on Skansen from 2014 here.

Midsommarafton (Midsummer): date varies, but is celebrated a Friday in late June. I'm sure there's a Christian explanation for this one, but I don't personally know it.

Midsommar (midsummer) means middle of the summer.

Again, this is a day to eat and spend time with your family (or drink, depending on who you are). We eat pretty much the same things for Midsummer as we do for Easter.

For Midsummer we also dance around a Midsommarstång (direct translation: Midsummer Pole, English translation: Maypole) and make flower crowns.

How Midsummer is celebrated depends a lot on your age (most teenagers and young adults again see this as a reason to party), where you're from and a million other things.

My personal favorite Midsummer tradition is probably more common in the country than in the city, for example. You're supposed to pick seven different flowers without saying a word. Then, you sleep with the flowers under your pillow. Supposedly, you'll dream of your future husband (or wife! But I think it's more common that women and girls do this). This tradition also varies. Some people say you need nine flowers and some people say you have to climb over fencing for it to count.

Some teenagers or young adults spend time with their friends to party, instead!

You can watch part of a Midsummer celebration at Skansen here.

The Royal Family usually celebrate Midsummer privately, but I think there's usually new pictures of the entire family around this time.

Day after Midsummer: Collective Pizza Day 2. Everyone either eats takeout or leftovers because no one can be bothered to make anything and like half of the population has the worst hangover they've had since New Year.

Summer Holiday Note: most people in Sweden have four weeks of paid leave each summer.

July/August

Kräftpremiär (Crayfish party) - date varies, normally early August. Basically people get together to eat crayfish and drink. You can usually get paper plates and plastic cups and whatever with ugly crayfish motives (which is fun), but I've never done this.

October

Halloween (30th): Halloween is nowhere near as big in Sweden as it is in the States. We just buy some lösgodis ("loose candy", where you can throw whatever kind of candy you want in a bag. See pictures). Trick or treat is so unusual in the town I grew up I've only ever had one kid ask for candy and when I celebrated Halloween with my grandparents (in a city not far from Stockholm), it was the same. I usually buy some candy and watch a horror movie, but that's about it.

However, Halloween is (again) a reason for teenagers and young adults to drink and party.

November

Alla Helgons Dag (All Saints' Day): Date varies, usually early November. It's a day to remember the dead and we usually light a candle at the grave yard.

December

Första Advent (First Advent): Date varies. Sunday four weeks from Christmas Eve. We mostly just light a candle, honestly. Then, each Sunday for the next four weeks, we light a candle. Here's actually the Crown Princess wishing Happy First Advent with her family! Unfortunately without English subtitles, but here's the translation: "Today is the First Advent. Advent means arrival and hope, something that feels extra important this year. (her husband lights the candle) We want to wish everyone a happy first advent!"

Andra Advent (Second Advent): date varies. We light the second candle.

Tredje Advent (Third Advent): date varies. We light the third candle.

Fjärde Advent (Fourth Advent): date varies. We light the fourth candle. In my family we usually decorate the tree this Sunday.

Julafton (Christmas Eve): Celebrated the 24th. YES, THE 24TH. Christmas Eve obviously varies from family to family, but there's a few things most people have in common. Usually, we get one gift in our sock (which hangs on our bedroom doors in my home, because we don't have a mantle) when we wake up. As kids me and my brother almost always got a movie or something to keep us busy until it was time to leave for our grandparents house.

For lunch we eat the Christmas dinner. It's the same damned food as our other holidays. Herring, meatballs, potatoes, sausages etc, but now, we also have julskinka (Christmas ham). Some people eat ham even for Easter, but we only really eat it for Christmas in my family. Obviously the food varies a little from season to season, but as a picky eater I always just eat potatoes, meatballs and ham.

At 3, Kalle Anka (Donald Duck) is on. Yeah, we watch the same damned stuff every year. It's tradition, alright? Anyway, Donald Duck lasts for an hour or so, and first you get to see Santa work in his workshop, then Disney characters wish you a Merry Christmas with scenes from their movies (original, I know). There's Lady and the Tramp, Donald Duck (obviously) and a million other things. Then there's also one or two trailers for movies Disney will release the coming year. I really couldn't be bothered to find everything on YouTube for you to watch, sorry!

After Donald Duck, we open the Christmas gifts in my family. Normally we just rip out gifts open lmao.

After opening the gifts, we usually eat a second time. This time it's time for porridge. Tomtegröt (Santa porridge) is sweet and often served with cinnamon. Usually, everyone is so stuffed at this point that you only eat because you "have" to eat porridge for Christmas (again, at least in my family).

The last thing we do in my family, is to get a puzzle out. My grandpa almost always gets a new puzzle for Christmas, so we'll put that on the dining table and work on it together until it's getting too late for us to stay.

The Royal Family usually release new pictures of the family for Christmas and wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

Day after Christmas: Not a collective pizza day! There's usually too much Christmas food left to be able to order pizza. Usually, we have Christmas food to eat for four-ish days after Christmas, and by then you're getting really tired of it.

Sometimes we watch something on television, but for the most part we just sit around and spend time together. I think the Crown Princess read something from the Bible this year? I'm not actually sure if the Royal Family go to the Christmas Service, but I don't think so.

Nyårsafton (New Year's Eve): last day of the year. We shoot fireworks, eat food and dessert and spend time with family. This day we normally eat something "fancy" or something you we don't usually eat.

At twelve, we go out to light some fireworks (or just watch fireworks). When that dies down, it's time for the cheese platter. My dad wants it, no one else ever eats from it, we still do it every single year because "it's not New Year's without it". When we've had the cheese platter, everyone go to sleep and that's that.

People obviously celebrate this differently, as well. It's not uncommon to go see your friends or have guests over, and some people party rather than have fancy dinner with their parents. I personally prefer spending time with my parents, because that's what New Year's is for me.

Some people give resolutions, but I think it's more common in the States.

Christmas Holiday Note: It's common for people to not work between Christmas and New Year's Eve where I'm from.

Some things you might want to know about the Swedish Royal Family and Sweden overall:

The Royal Family in Young Royals is not the real Royal Family (obviously).

The Royal Family usually spends time on Öland during the summers.

Chances are Wilhelm and his family live at Drottningholm Slott (Drottningholm Palace) and not Stockholm Slott (Stockholm Palace). Drottningholm is used as a home for the current King and Queen and is located west of Stockholm. However, the scenes where Wilhelm is home is shot at a palace called Stora Sundby Slott. I doubt Wilhelm and his family would live here if they were the actual Royal Family since it's used as a place for people to gather when they want to hunt for sport. However, if they truly live at Stora Sundby, it takes almost two hours to drive from Stockholm to the castle.

Bjärstad is AT LEAST two hours away from Stockholm.

Bjärstad to Stora Sundby Castle takes approximately an hour and a half by car, and between nine and twelve hours by bus. Which means these two boys can't just take a twenty minute bus to see each other.

Bjärstad to Drottningholm takes a little over two hours by car and four-ish hours by bus.

Bjärstad to Stockholm Slott takes over two hours by car and three and a half hours by bus.

Hillerska is shot at Kaggeholms Slott (Kaggeholm Palace), and is a hotel.

The age of consent in Sweden is 15, HOWEVER it's illegal to have sex with someone four or more years younger than you if you're not both over the age of 18. Let me illustrate: -Person A is 15 and Person B is 15. It's legal because both are 15. -Person A is 15 and Person B is 20. It's illegal, because there's a five year old gap between them. -Person A is 15 and Person B is 18. It's legal (but probably frowned upon), because they're both 15 or older and there's not a four year gap between them. -Person A is 18 and Person B is 30. It's legal, because both are 18 or older. Idk if this makes sense or if this is what it looks like anymore, but this is what it was like when I still went to school. Obviously people aren't going to run around and call you names if you happen to date someone four years younger than you (I know a girl who met a guy when she was 14 and he was over 20), but please, be mindful of this. Our age of consent doesn't give you a right to be weird and nasty to teenagers (yes, I'm talking about Edvin).

Also, the Royal Family have their own website, which you can find here. As far as I can see, there's more information on the Swedish page, but there's plenty translated to English. You can also read of the Swedish Royal Family and its history on the palaces's website, here.

All pictures have been taken straight from Google. I haven't used any sources, because this is shit I do every single year with my family. Feel free to correct me or add things you do, but keep it respectful, please!

Friendly reminder that I've simplified some parts of this to make sense, specifically the dates of the Advent celebrations.

If there's anything you don't understand or want more information on, you're welcome to contact me! I take pretty long to reply, but I'll definitely try to get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you!

#young royals #young royals netflix #yr netflix #yr #wilmon #please im begging you love this

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downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles · 4 years

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We Met Within This Screen [chapt. 6]

[Donnie x reader]

sfw, chapter 5 here

Come on, save it, save it, Donnie chanted to himself later that night, at home and tucked away in his room trying to figure out how to neutralize the situation. He paced along his bed back and forth, phone in hand as he wracked his brain thinking about how he'd get her to let it go. He could tell her that she was...overtired? Go the stereotypical route and say it was just her eyes playing tricks on her? Try to play it off as human teenagers messing around on the roof?

She'd gone to bed already. He hated that he couldn't pursue the subject until morning, her morning, but by then, he'd be tired. When she woke, he slept. But he needed to get it resolved as quickly as possible, so he reckoned it was time to pull an all nighter. Luckily, that wasn't anything he wasn't used to.

He figured he'd get the preliminaries out of the way so he could get right to it when she eventually texted back.

"Good morning

I know you're not awake yet but I figured I'd get an early start today.

I want to know, what exactly did you see last night?"

He shut his phone off and set it down on the bed, fingers rubbing his temples. Depending on her answer, this would either be difficult, or near impossible.

The rest of his time was spent just waiting around for her to finally wake up, dodging all his brothers and trying to occupy himself with something. He was fiddling with the radio he kept on the floor next to his bed when his phone notified him of a message. Turning the volume up, some old-school rock played softly. He didn't always keep music on when he worked, which was what he was doing felt like, but something needed to fill the silence. It also made it feel more casual to have the radio on, for both himself and for whoever might stop by his room.

"Good morning to you too

That was...sudden??"

How nice it was to read those words coming from someone who wasn't his family. Not that they said it like that often anyway, but the small gesture hit differently.

"I'm just really curious about what you said you saw."

Curious? Not quite. More like dying to know, and not because he fancied himself some cryptid hunting.

"That's fair I guess

But don't laugh, ok?"

"I'd never, [y/n]"

"Well

Okay

They were big

But no like not the overweight kinf, not even just 'tall guy' kind of big

kind*

You know?"

Yeah, I aware. I'm 6'8" and have a giant shell on my back.

"They?"

He was hoping she'd only seen one of them. Maybe it would have been easier, but, of course, that wasn't the case.

"I think there were two

Idk it just looked really weird, it was dark but the silhouette from the light made them look bulky, I don't know what it was"

Lips pursed tight, he looked up from his phone, and all of a sudden that music in the background was suffocating. He quickly reached over and shut it off. He needed to be able to divert all of his attention to one thing. Except, even though he should have been spazzing over her spotting them (even if just for a split second), a concern crept up in the back of his mind that made him scoff at himself. The need to know was too great.

His eyes fell on his scaled, three-fingered hand as he typed.

"Did it scare you?"

Perhaps it wasn't what he should have been focusing on. But he was. He knew she hadn't seen much, but what if she quipped that it was frightening, or gross, or…?

"I don't know, Bo

I guess it was kind of freaky

Uh, do you actually believe me? That I saw something?"

"'Freaky?'" he repeated to himself in a whisper, brow ridge furrowed. What was I expecting?

He had to shake himself of whatever was going on in his head at the moment, because there were more pressing matters at hand. Like what he was going to answer her question with. Theoretically, he could go two routes; one, invalidate the experience and try to walk on the line of telling her that it was not real without making her feel crazy. And then probably get mad at him. Or two, go along with it, if he didn't have the heart to do that to her. The answer was already here; he let out a deep sigh. Two, it is.

Nothing could make him want to make her feel that way, even if it meant he'd have to put in a little extra effort in fixing his mistake.

"I wouldn't doubt your judgement, [y/n]."

"Thanks

That makes me feel a lot better

You're a really good guy, Bo :)"

Freezing, he sat and stared at the screen before slowly taking the phone away from his face, lips moving, but no sound coming out. He had no idea what to say; all he could focus on was the fact that the girl he undeniably liked thought he was a good guy. And that, presumably, it meant she might have liked him as well. Big on the "might", he realized as the logical part of his mind took over once again. Regardless, he licked his lips and got to preparing a worthy response. He didn't want to come off as flustered as he felt. Donnie was aware he was not particularly suave—he took solace in the fact that she couldn't see his face or hear his voice. He contemplated on acting a bit more "cool guy" than he actually was, but wanted her to like him for him, not a facade. Which was a major contradiction to all that he had done up to that point, but the least he could do was be the person he was on the inside!

"You there?"

"Sorry, I got distracted…

You really think so?"

"That I think you're a great guy?"

"Well...yes."

"Totally. 100%"

His heart was going, he was stammering to himself, and a new feeling enveloped him. He was no stranger to the different emotions; he'd gotten familiar with many of them. Because though he didn't always show it, he had a lot of feelings. These, he felt most viscerally. But he had to get back on track. If he could push last night's incident under the rug, all would be well. More well than it already was, considering.

"Thank you, [y/n]

To be honest, I've never had a friend like you

So, do you want to talk more about what you saw? I know I'm switching tracks quickly, it's just very….interesting."

It was a jarring and awkward subject change, he knew that, but he desperately wanted to get it out of the way. The sooner, the better.

"I suppose

You seem pretty interested in it"

Maybe she wasn't hanging onto the experience like he'd thought she would. There were so many tales of people seeing inexplicable things and becoming enraptured by the experience that he guessed he should only expect the worst, but it appeared that she was not so obsessed. Crisis averted?

"Not too much, I was just wondering

We can forget about it."

"Oh, I'm not going to forget about it, Bo"

There it is, he thought, not surprised.

After thirty minutes of attempting to throw her off without coming off as suspicious himself, he had to take a breather, reorganize his mind. Only to come back and find that she had to go take care of things, and that she'd talk to him later. He'd done as much fixing as he could; at that point, it was as good as it was going to get. The thought of being looked for by his unknowing friend loomed about in the coming weeks as they did their patrols, when they would pass by her residence, and the times that he snuck off to stop by himself. Sometimes accompanied by Mikey, but he tried to keep it as solitary as possible. Soon, watching her on her balcony from that roof became part of his routine. He vaguely thought sometimes that watching her like that could be considered creepy, but that ship had already sailed.

For the third time in the last month he was there yet again, on the same roof, watching the same balcony, watching the same girl. Sometimes they texted, sometimes they didn't. The times he wasn't talking to her as he sat there were the times he daringly crossed the threshold onto the fire escape. There were only a few instances of that. But did he still feel out of his mind doing so? Yes. The window only looked into part of the living room and kitchen, but he felt scandalous to do it. Most of his time there was spent only with his shell against the wall next to the window, just out of sight. He could always hear her faint but noticeable footsteps coming and could easily vault the railing and climb up or drop down. She couldn't get past his keen hearing unless she knew to tread lightly.

Mikey was with him once again, this time out to look for scrap rather than patrol. He'd been buddied up with his younger brother more often ever since their talk that night in Donnie's room. They only stopped by because they were already out and had a viable excuse.

"Does she know about us? Like, me, Leo, Raph..." rambled Mikey, curious, as he practiced one of his new moves with his skateboard. He kicked up onto the ledge of the roof and skidded before hopping off, tucking the board under his arm. "You guys have been together like, what, two months? And she doesn't even know your name."

Fiddling with the strap reaching around his shoulder, Donnie replied matter-of-factly to hide the embarrassment that was ailing him at the thought, "Okay, for starters, we're not 'together'. And secondly, she hasn't mentioned voice chatting in a while."

"And?" He got back on his board, zooming by Donnie.

"My name? It just hasn't come up," Donnie shrugged.

"Call her, then!" Mikey smiled, still preoccupied with his board and trying out his new tricks. Donnie gave a light scoff and shook his head. His brother passed behind him where he sat leaned against the water tower.

"I don't want to just call her out of nowhere, Mikey, she might be asleep."

He also didn't want his brother there when he did.

"You gotta not be so shy!...oh, look, in the window. Right there. See? She's up," he quipped with a small smirk. The curtain was drawn, but the light had turned on at some point, and they could see her silhouette moving past. Donnie looked over his shoulder to say something but felt a hand slip into his pocket on the other side, stealing his phone right off of him. He was fast, but Mikey was faster in jumping into his board and gliding all the way to the other side of the roof with the fussy turtle hot on his trail.

"Mikey, quit it!" Donnie barked, lunging toward him for the phone.

"You'll thank me later!"

The two wrestled for the phone, Mikey holding it just out of reach as he tried to navigate the screen without dropping it.

"Come on," grunted Donnie as the tussle led them near the edge, where Mikey held it precariously over the alley below. His glasses were jostled off his face when a stray hand bumped them, causing them to fall amongst their feet. Squinting, he partially knelt down and searched for the pair while still looking at his brother and his phone, trying to stretch his arm long enough to snatch it. "Really?" he groaned, "just give me the phone!"

Donnie slung out his staff and used the other end to whack his wrist from underneath just as he pulled away from the edge, losing his grip on the phone. Mikey tried to catch it but it bounced off his hand, going right over the side of the roof and plummeting down into the alley.

Mikey froze. Donnie finally found his glasses.

Laughing nervously, Mikey turned back to him, "Whoops…"

When he didn't immediately find the phone on the ground, Donnie knew what happened. He looked over the edge, and there it was, sitting on the pavement in the alleyway. The building wasn't incredibly tall, but enough to do some major damage. He'd have to switch for one of his spares if he didn't want to deal with a busted-up screen.

"I don't need your 'help', Mikey, so leave it alone next time," Donnie said and gave him a narrow-eyed look, huffing as he leaped down to retrieve it.

Mikey may have been insistent, but he knew then it was time to stop. All he wanted to do was help. For his shy, flakey brother to come out of his shell (no pun intended). Donnie, at that time, had the biggest shot out of all of them for something unique and good. He hadn't yet worked out the logistics of how to bridge the gap between the two, but it was a calling of his to help him along.

Donnie watched for people from behind a corner before creeping out to get the phone, which was face down on the concrete. No doubt cracked to all hell if not completely shattered, though it did have a case.

But as he got closer, he heard a voice. From the phone.

He picked up the phone timidly and shot a glance up at the roof, where Mikey was peeking over the edge in apprehension. Without a word, Donnie activated the taser in his staff, pointing it at his brother and zapping it briefly. He flinched and retreated out of sight.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Bo?" she asked again, tone riddled with confusion. "What was that?"

"Uh, yes—hol—hold on, please," stammered out donnie, flying around the corner and pressing flat against the wall as a group of laughing people passed by the alley. "Just one second," he said nervously. Above him, Mikey was rapidly motioning for him to get up there, eyes wide and body trying to stay low. Baffled, Donnie gestured back at him, mouthing at him to keep his pants on for one more minute while he made his way up.

"Hey, what's going on there?" she inquired, concerned.

A street cat abruptly skittered out from between his legs from the dumpster he stood next to, and he had to stifle a startled yelp. He hopped up onto the nearest fire escape, trying to control his breathing. "Hey, hello…[y/n]," he half-chuckled, distracted by working up the building one-armed as he kept as quiet as possible.

"What was all that? And who's 'Mikey'?"

There was suddenly a shout—Mikey's shout—and his stomach did a jump. He sputtered as fast as he could, "I'm sorry [y/n] but this really isn't a good time, and I mean it really isn't," he pulled himself up onto the roof, and there was Mikey, fending off men clad in black, "so I have to go, but—"

"Don, dude! I need help over here!" cried his brother, sliding out of the way as a sword was jabbed towards him. He countered with a harsh uppercut to the man's chin, sending him stumbling backwards. The blade fell to the concrete with a clank.

"'Don'? Bo, what the hell?! Who is with you? And—"

Donnie jumped into the battle, a mix of nine or ten armed men with swords other weapons, and Mikey trying to stave them off, swinging his chucks with nothing short of reckless abandon. But he still didn't hit himself with them.

Ending the call, he secured the phone in his pocket. He wailed the guy closest to him in the side of the head with the heavy staff, then kicked him in the chest. The man fell to the blow, and Mikey ducked underneath the length of Donnie's weapon just in time as the two came together. Stray bullets flew past them, some colliding with their shells as they spun around for protection.

"How was it?!" Mikey yelled over the clamor, breathless. Donnie sidestepped from the rapid hit he sent towards the human to his left.

"What are you talking about?!" Donnie loudly questioned, flummoxed of what could have been going on in his brain during a fight. "We're kind of in the middle of something here!"

"Your phone call!"

"Yeah, the hell's the talkin' about, Don?" a gruff voice cut through the jumble.

Both of the boys whirled around to see their older brothers there, weapons drawn.

"Oh, right. As soon as I saw those bad guys coming, I let them know," said Mikey casually to Donnie, throwing his fist into the face of the man coming up behind him. "You know, standard biz."

With the rest of the team there, the fight was over twice as fast. Some groaning in pain and some unconscious bodies littering the area, along with their weapons. Leo finished the last one and sheathed his swords, eyes on their tallest brother while Raph kept watch around them. Donnie swallowed as Leo approached him.

"Don, you said you were going out for scrap metal," Leo stated.

In the background, Mikey grabbed his skateboard and was going to try to kickflip over one of the knocked out guys, but Raph yanked the board from him, growling. He checked all of the men to make sure they were down and would stay down.

"We were...just on our way back?" Donnie answered. Nearby, there was a small pile of scrap he'd collected, though definitely not enough to justify being out that long.

"So you stopped at your friend's place?" Leo deadpanned, crossing his arms. "Didn't you think that this could get her in trouble, too? Her apartment's right there, dude!"

Mikey budded in and corrected him, "Ah, we stopped by [y/n]'s. And nah! It's all good."

Donnie's face twitched. "Of course I thought about it! That's why I've only come here three times since, and only thirty minute intervals!" he bit back, throwing his hands up. The rest of his brothers all looked at him and his specificity. "I'm not naive, Leo."

The leader pushed past the both of them, signalling that it was time to leave, and they followed. Not before Donnie got what little metal he had collected and put away his staff, tucking the stuff under his arm. Raph joined alongside Donnie as they ran. "What's with all the secret' stuff, Don? First, ya hide it to begin with, then, ya make out like you were done, and now you get jumped by Foot guys by her place when you shoulda been gettin' scrap!" he said. "How were we supposed to cover for ya if you're lyin' even after we let you off?"

"Technically, I did get some!" Donnie remarked. He held up a piece of the scrap for him to see, and Raph snorted. "But..."

Well, his question would be a little harder to answer.

Next block was the nearest manhole, where each turtle swiftly jumped in, knowing by heart (and years of wandering) most of the sewers and the way back home. In some tunnels was Mikey's telltale graffiti, but it was scattered throughout the place enough to not be a giant arrow to their hideout. In the last portion of the run was the tunnel they always slid down, and once they were actually home, Donnie knew what was coming. Master Splinter was already waiting for them by the time they arrived.

"Uh-oh," Mikey said upon seeing him, sinking behind his brothers. Raph pushed him back up front.

Dropping the scrap in his arms, Donnie squeaked, "That's not good." He quietly cursed how high pitched his voice became when he was nervous.

"Yeah…" Leo cleared his throat, looking down at his hands clasped in front of him. The situation had an awkward tension for everyone in it, save for Raph, who was immune to it by then and Splinter himself. "We took care of the soldiers," he added more seriously. "Got out of there before too much attention was drawn.

"The police may be able to handle them from here, but it will not make a dent in the Shredder's forces," explained Splinter, grave as he paced along the line of brothers. "He owns the city. Until I say so, there will be no venturing to the surface. You are all lucky to be unharmed."

"That ain't it," Raph piped up. "But they'll be bringin' the big guns, next time."

"Oh, I am well aware."

"Um...of which thing?" the nervous turtle questioned, exchanging glances to Raph and then Mikey.

Splinter raised his brows knowingly, and that was all it took for Donnie. The floodgates of his signature anxious chatter opened. He grabbed the edge of Mikey's shell and pulled him over into the spotlight with him, "I met someone over an online game and we started texting after a few weeks, and—and Leo found out and I said I would stop, but we never told you," he gestured toward their brother in blue, who refused to make eye contact, "so I told her that it was through and then Mikey somehow convinced me to go back on it," he sucked in a breath, and Mikey grinned uncomfortably, "and then we started talking again and I don't know why, but I went back there to her apartment building and it was just…stupid."

There was a cumbrous pause. Donnie was stiff as a board, Mikey couldn't look at any one thing too long, Leo stood in his polite but awkward stance, and Raph started to whistle.

As poised as ever, Splinter spoke. "I know."

All four pairs of eyes shot to their father.

"What?"

"Uh..."

"Huh?"

"Wait."

They expressed their collective confusion at the same time, and Splinter chuckled. Donnie wanted nothing more than to be able to retreat into his shell, but that was physically impossible. "Nothing gets past me, especially not you and your nervous habits, Donatello. You are scratching that spot on your neck again, son."

Flinching, Donnie pulled his hand away. He'd be damned; Splinter was right.

But unbeknownst to them, there had been spectator of their fight on the roof that night.

————————————————————————————————

shh do not think too deeply about this my children

a/n: haha plot device go brrrr

i need to finish this cursed fanfiction

234 notes · View notes

cattles-bians · 3 years

Text

exes au part 11

post directory

obsetress: i'm about to fully fall asleep but i have been thinking about exes au danvi and like the isabel of it all and dani dating a single mom and how just like

obsetress: vi is so protective of isabel and as much as she loves dani like

obsetress: she took SO LONG before introducing her and then like

obsetress: when they broke up dani left and dani wasnt in isabels life anymore and dani was so good for isabel and viola just feels so fuckin shitty and blames herself and

obsetress: but i'm also thinkin bout soft fluffy stuff too like how much dani loves isabel and how much vi loves watching isabel w dani and

em: hey hannah what the fuck

obsetress: isabel has a nightmare one night and goes to her mom's room and dani's there too and she just curls up between them

em: do you think when they finally reconnected dani was like hey um. does isabel remember me. would it be weird if

obsetress: FUCK

obsetress: this absolutely happens

em: viola is VERY apprehensive at first

obsetress: god yeah esp after getting so hurt by it but

obsetress: viola sure cannot say no to dani!

em: i love some dani with kids tho

em: maybe too soft but do u think for at least a couple years dani would like. send isabel a bday card

em: like dead air otherwise

em: hmm idk i am chewing that one over more

obsetress: god it's hard i think dani wants to but she doesn't

obsetress: i could see dani writing them and holding onto them

em: oh that’s even worse

obsetress: even tho she really doesnt think she'll ever talk to vi again

em: what a soft and depressing thought. thank u. i resent u.

obsetress: yeah it hurts!

obsetress: but then she does! and she gives them all to isabel when she's older maybe

em: hold on i’m gonna bawl

em: sometimes my parents will be like um. do u remember this person and i’m like uh i don’t remember people i worked w two years ago let alone

em: but i think isabel does

em: i will be thinking about this all afternoon bestie have a wonderful slumber

[em note: em yells in hannahs DMs while she's asleep dot png]

em: no um. mate im still furious about the isabel of it all wtf

em: thinking about um. like ok i dont wanna use isabel as a prop but this is certainly one of those times where

em: violas been hurt before and viola's hurt other people before because she's deeply troubled and i feel like that would be one of the first times she sorta. sure she licks her wounds and feels miserable for herself but its also like uh

em: really sobering to realise This Hurts Isabel Too

em: because yknow violas very gatekeep gaslight girlboss i think shes got a strong enough sense of self that nothing really shakes that. maybe even to a deluded degree. i dont think she goes to therapy because shes like wow im fucked up i gotta get help, she's more like

em: shes really driven by her love for isabel!! gestures WILDLY

em: realised this is an au where parents get therapy and dont pass their traumas onto their kids and i want OFF this WILD RIDE im so tired of discovering things about myself through the realm of fiction

obsetress: yeah same i kept thinking about it too alfkadlsfkjdasf

obsetress: i want to reply to every single line of the isabel thing but i'm not gonna do that so let me just say: YEAH

obsetress: like isabel is her cornerstone full stop everything comes down to isabel

em: dani's probably so nervous reconnecting w isabel again. absolutely spinning her lil wheels

em: they set up a lil date and time and dani's doing her gay nervous babble abt if isabel even remembers her or god forbid resents her n jamies like...

em: im pursing my lips as i draw a line on the whiteboard between jamie's whole childhood and isabels and shaking my head Goddamn It

em: jamie lets dani babble it out n pauses and reflects on what she's saying n then jamie's like. the fact ur nervous means u care. n kids are v good at picking up when ppl care. you'll be alright.

obsetress: god yeah this bit i can just. hear it

obsetress: it's so visceral

---

em: viola

obsetress: god my favorite taurus hedonist

[em note: hannah yells in em's DMs while em is asleep dot png]

obsetress: god fuck what was i thinking about isabel this morning like

obsetress: that's what i get for daydreamin between snoozes and not writing it down alas

obsetress: but just like how excited isabel is to see dani again when she does and also like, isabel and rebecca

obsetress: then i started thinking about

obsetress: rebecca and vi getting married and vi's always like i'm not gonna get married again it's bullshit and rebecca's like it's not for me but then they just

obsetress: like they live together and they share everything and rebecca looks out for isabel just as much and they get to a point and it's like

obsetress: oh. oh

obsetress: like they're both like it's the logical thing to do. it's logical and it's safe and we should have this extra layer of protection but also it's like

obsetress: they find themselves more and more excited a lil you know? and just thinking about how isabel's there and how excited isabel is and

obsetress: but god yeah what i was thinking about this morning like. one day vi has to tell isabel dani's not gonna be coming around anymore and like

obsetress: isabel doesn't really understand and she's so sad and then vi feels even shittier

obsetress: and she's like "we'll be okay. it's you and me, remember? moving mountains"

obsetress: "you me us, right?"

obsetress: the first time rebecca meets her she brings her a book as a gift and is like "this was one of my favorites" and

obsetress: OH I REMEMBERED

obsetress: so like when dani sees isabel again finally (and yknow as nervous as dani was vi was even more on edge because it's so inconsistent and is she gonna understand yknow? and the two of them just spiral––which is also another thing about the two of them in a relationship! i think they push each other down spirals)

obsetress: jamie's there too and dani's like "this is... this is, uh, jamie" and it's like you said jamie isabel parallels and so jamie's like a lil tender

obsetress: spoiler: isabel and jamie end up bonding the most

obsetress: jamie's like running around with isabel on her shoulders and then showing her all these plants and taking her to gardens and

obsetress: another tentative jamie vi alliance

em: isabel mikey hangout When

obsetress: isabel mikey hangout!

obsetress: they're hanging with isabel and she and jamie have a very spirited discussion where isabel's like "i wanna be a princess" and dani's like "why not a knight?" and jamie's like "why not opt out of the feudalistic hierarchy entirely and ditch the kingdom for the high seas?" and convinces isabel to go full pirate

obsetress: and then isabel kinda passes out with her head in jamie's lap and jamie's just kinda idly playing with her hair (vi is already like "am i... attracted to jamie in this moment?")

obsetress: and jamie's like "y'know, i should bring mikey round next time isabel's here" and viola's like "......who?" and jamie's like "my little brother? mikey?" and viola's like "right.... right"

obsetress: cut to later, when dani and jamie have retired to vi and becca's guest room: "since when does jamie have a little brother?" "she always has, babe"

em: kinda obsessed w like. violas love for isabel means her wires get crossed when the surly gardener is Good With Kids

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: mikey and isabel immediately hit it off i think

obsetress: a bit of an odd couple because i think isabel is definitely, like, her mother's daughter and mikey is............. mikey

obsetress: but i think they meet in the middle and help each other grow and play pirates together

em: viola is like. of course mikey and isabel will get along. isabel is wonderful. but jamie is quietly Sweating about the whole thing

em: so damvibecca are having their afternoon tea and their little cakes and jamie is Quietly sweating and she’s like ‘quiet is good, right? like they’re not tryna k-‘ and then there’s the sound of two 8 year olds (idk how old they are tbh) YELLING as they chase each other down the hall w wrapping paper tubes

obsetress: nervous babbling dani x quietly sweating jamie, an otp

em: isabel has gotten into the make up n given them both black eyes n scars and moustaches n everyone’s like oh no how’s viola gonna feel about this but viola is DELIGHTED

obsetress: dani's like "chill you all she's gonna––" and then viola is getting up and asking them to do her face too

em: made a parrot outta a sock and newspaper

obsetress: viola playing pirates w isabel and mikey

em: kids w their endless creativity n absolute disregard for personal property is truly a thing of dreams

obsetress: mikey gives her a paper tube and she disarms isabel, takes hers, and offers it very seriously to jamie

em: cuteeee

obsetress: rebecca's giving dani a look and dani is completely unfazed and reaching for another tea cake

em: absolutely unflappable dani clayton

em: dani and rebecca sharing a Look like hey have you ever seen her this gleeful

obsetress: there is something very tasty about jamie taylor having a direct hand in making viola so gleeful

em: takes a village!

obsetress: when viola's two big loves are sitting five feet away from them both

em: everyone changes everyone for the better

em: fucken soft ass chat over here

obsetress: everyone changes everyone for the better

obsetress: soft as hell

em: thesis statement everyone likes each other so much (jamie pretends she doesn’t)

obsetress: (jamie pretends she doesn't) (jamie might like everyone the most)

obsetress: viola registers mikey for isabel's school n pays full tuition

em: oh my god

obsetress: jamie is horrified and refuses to accept it and viola waves a hand and is like "too late, deposit's non-refundable"

em: (they carpool)

obsetress: PLEASE

obsetress: oh god and like

obsetress: flora and miles go there too

obsetress: full circle complete

em: broke: highschool au woke: guardians of primary schoolers au

obsetress: dani jamie in bed jamie's like "you don't...... think it's weird?" "hmm?" "mikey going to.... school with our boss' kids?" "why would that be weird" "i dunno" "he also goes to school with my ex's kid" "he's best friends with your ex's kid" "and that's not weird, is it?" (grumbles) "not anymore" "so why would this be?"

em: jamie’s ribbing mikey for his silly tie and straw hat but she teaches him how to tie a tie and also she keeps crying for some reason???

obsetress: oh fuck

em: mikey: can’t i just get a fake tie >:/

jamie: no because when u have a real tie you can leave it untied a little as an act of rebellion

obsetress: god it's jamie crying for me

em: i love that big baby

obsetress: so much!

em: jamies like idk what’s gotten into me i never cry n danis like. raises one eye brow and mentally checks off all the times jamie has absolutely bawled watching a movie

em: not even a sad movie

em: dani plays along

em: maybe ur getting soft in ur old age jamie

obsetress: jamie i cry three four times a day five if i'm being honest taylor

em: thinking about their weekly weekend lunch w damvibecca and hannah and owen and miles and flora and

obsetress: dfjsldkfjslfslfj

obsetress: god big found family

obsetress: you know viola doesn't like

obsetress: dani and jamie respectfully toe around whatever the fuck owen and hannah have going on but viola just does not suffer it. she's so blunt to them

em: big viola grin and all ‘owen, hannah, i assume you will be each other’s dates?’ (owen chokes on his tiny egg sandwich)

em: hannah grose is serene and unreadable as she dabs a bit off yolk off owens moustache

em: maybe even a bit pleased

obsetress: everyone is always so tense when viola and hannah get together because neither of them take shit yknow

obsetress: and everyone's like "which way is this gonna go"

em: god. peak snarky broads

obsetress: but usually they end up good. two apex predators where one is a lil vicious but the other is so confident in its status that it just chills

em: they have the Best gossip

obsetress: would love to sit in and listen as they drink tea and gossip tbh

em: viola presses owen on hannah and he goes red and viola presses hannah on owen and she does a little wouldnt-you-like-to-know into her tea

em: viola nee willoughby and hannah grose friendship is. truly something i never knew i needed until now

em: they’re both just that lil bit older than the rest of the gang too

obsetress: an important coalition

obsetress: hannah grose! hannah looking out for rebecca and that's the couple times she gets a lil testy w vi

obsetress: mikey and isabel besties but flora and mikey get along really well and isabel and miles do too i think

em: the sheer chaos of a taylor-lloyd-windgrave story time

obsetress: LDKFjKLSDJF HELP

obsetress: taylor lloyd wingrave story time

obsetress: jamie suddenly very invested in story time

obsetress: dani's like "i know this is the first time you've actually cared about story time, babe, so let me give you some pointers"

em: i was just in my head thinking fondly about like. jamie is a drop out and plays a lil dumb sometimes for fun but also prolly reads a lot especially to mikey and now i’m like. wait i’m talking to Ms Floras Two Moms herself

em: idk if i had that headcanon before i read she taught me a lesson alright but yknow what! doesn’t matter it’s a beautiful one

obsetress: thank youuuu i love it a lot

obsetress: jamie big reader is generally one of my fave headcanons tbh i'm glad it seems to be widely accepted. can't even explain why it's just nice

em: sometimes i will talk 2 ppl about my passionate drop out jamie taylor belief n then they’re like but she’s smart (it’s only happened a couple times hahsj) and i’m like these aren’t mutually exclusive!! this is my very biased experience but my friends who do manual labor for a living seem to read so much more than my friends who don’t

em: your brain wants to chew over things while the hands are workin i reckon

obsetress: yes yes yes yes yes

obsetress: i think that's also like (sighs heavily)

obsetress: symptomatic of hegemonic perceptions of the working class

em: i love when u sigh heavily it’s always a fun take

obsetress: i think jamie is v clever and reflective and like if there's one thing i've learned getting older it's

obsetress: smart doesn't matter i think the most insightful most thoughtful people are the most reflective ones

obsetress: like none of it fuckin matters just be a nice person

#in which hannah says hegemonic perceptions of the working class and i pretend its foreshadowing vampire au #the dani jamie viola rebecca exes au #LONG one its like #2500 words which is #yknow! some pages #idk what counts as long all writing is witchcraft to meajhfjbnk #ik i should be pacing these a lil better but #i just wanna get up to vibeccas wedding im IMPATIENT

7 notes · View notes

joyisntyoj · 4 years

Text

04: LETTERS TO NOBODY OR MAYBE MAYARI

Seal stamps, stamps with whatever designs, papers and pens, stickers, pictures, dried flowers, heartwarming messages, and a lot more.

When was the last time you wrote something on a literal piece of paper for someone?

Have you ever personally given someone a handwritten letter or sent it from the post office?

Is writing a letter still a thing today, or you just use whatever app you have because what is the point if other ways are more convenient, right?

Maybe, you are more the vocal type of person and, you just say what you feel instead of writing it down?

Perhaps, you are none of the above because what is important is your presence in their lives and, that is more than enough?

Still, how lovely it is to keep something that has sentimental value. It unnecessarily means that you are hoarding something because what's to not treasure from precious memories in a small piece of paper in an envelope?

This story is for those who never get tired of expressing themselves in whatever form they know, but most especially to those who write.

May you never run out of papers, inks, and thoughts to compose. to more unforgotten memories preserved in letters.

^^^

To: Mayari.

How are you? I wish things were getting better, just like what I always pray. These days, sleeping at night suddenly became serene as well as waking up in the morning. Sometimes my days are dull and typical...I believe? But most of the time, it's either I'm feeling blue or extra sad, or was that the same? I kept on blaming the pandemic, but for real, I'm just a mess. Silent battles are truly tough. I wish I had the courage and strength just like yours. Be safe. Stay sane. I'm really trying my best to be legit all right.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Liway is the name, exhausted with life. Mayari, someone out there, maybe a supreme being or plausibly not always receives Liway's letters. Sometimes Liway writes 10 messages at once and sometimes none at all. Mayari is the only recipient of such letters that even Liway never knew they were received by the random recipient it thought was just nobody. It all genuinely started on having a recipient written on the "To:" part at the post office. Though seriously, it doesn't even have any home address. It's super weird that it's for Mayari and no address, and were received.

HOW?

^^^

To: Mayari.

The night has come. This time, it feels heavier than usual. Tears are suddenly falling. I noticed that an unwelcome visitor came. The familiar pain is hugging me again, so tight that breathing is getting harder. I hate everything. Yet, I came to realize a lot of things. Afterward, I'm feeling blessed and grateful. Am I getting crazy? Before I went to bed, at the dinner table, I felt uncomfortable with the conversation we had, my family, about myself back then. I really hate it when they keep on bringing up what happened in the past. I already moved on... I think... so can they stop mentioning those moments? Honestly, whenever anything from the past is introduced again and remembered, I tend to feel like it just happened yesterday. Everything is coming back so fresh and new; fun, pain, sweats, and tears. I hate it.

PS. Mayari, can you send me some courage? Preferably in capsules, So I can have it in my intakes and be sure I'll be really having it in my system literally.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Continues writing so many letters filled with how living is like. Liway felt tired and exhausted. A few days ago, it was super overwhelmed that crying is unavoidable. Then this morning, Ms. Walmy called for a little chat and checking up because it's never too bad to check up on somebody, most especially when you're a counselor. It's your job, so uh? Anyway, though Liway was out of focus on the call, it was able to be accomodating and warm in return. It reciprocated the thoughtfulness with a sweet smile.

^^^

To: Mayari

Hey! Today I was mad because firsthand, I experienced that thing I usually hear from other people. The "don't-post-something-revealing-on-social-media-but-love-yourself-but-that's-not-appropriate". Well, I don't even know why I'm reacting super outrage towards it. Because knowing that my family is just concerned for me since the internet is frankly scary. I mean, I did nothing wrong, so why? Maybe deciding to be confident on the internet is not necessary for them. But for me, it is! So how should I deal with this? A friend consoled me, and I feel better. Still tho, my mood is already ruined. Oh gosh.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Welcoming a new week, the usual Liway is busy with the household chores. Some may find it stressful, but this one is pretty different. Scrubbing the floor, washing the dishes, brooming on the side. Later on, folding the clothes, fixing the bed, and a lot more things. It looks like it'll be tiring its body out until the nose bleeds, and passing out is the last resort to rest. How come it's easier to clean an actual mess than the one inside the head and heart?

^^^

To: Mayari.

Beloa visited me today. My childhood and the only friend left I have up to this day from elementary school. If you get what I mean? It's been a long time since we had a chat, especially that things are super complicated these days. She's doing really well, and I couldn't be more proud. I'm still amazed at how we manage to be friends because we both don't like each other to begin with. It's so funny that we even pulled each other's hair in the 4th grade while the class is taking the annual picture for the school year remembrance. What are the odds in this even, right? HAHAHA. Today was warm and bright.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Dates suddenly don't vary in these letters. Even the concept of time is somehow gone. What's important is regardless of not having these "important details" like the usual, Liway can keep up and be consistent in sending its letters. Liway never missed a chance to send a letter to the address less recipient, which left the post office staff to ponder with it. But as time goes by, Alle, the clerk, is no more surprised 'coz she's used to everything now. The envelopes unfailingly vanished the moment it was dropped inside the mailing box. Indeed, a magical mailbox.

^^^

To: Mayari.

I never knew how amazing pretending could be. You know that thing where someone usually says I'm okay, but really not? The inner saboteur that was triggered by their trauma is real-real-real. A car is useless when it's not moving if you wanted to travel to faraway places. Does that make sense?

PS. It sucks that our bathroom is the only "semi-safe space".

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Polar bears are really fascinating. They get to hibernate. Then, after the time being, back on hunting and living their lives. Ligaya was one of Liway's hero. A lot knew Ligaya for being a superhero, although she does not have that fantasy powers. Just like the polar bears, too, Ligaya has been hibernating for quite some time but kept on saying that she was not. Liway saw it all. Maybe a bear's hibernation is different from a human-being, hmm?

^^^

To: Mayari.

IDK what to say, but I just wanted to be consistent at the very least in sending you letters.

PS. The radio was broken, but in my head, it's working. It kept on playing nonstop music. Is this a poetic way of saying I'm overthinking things?

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

^^^

To: Mayari.

A lot happened lately. Somebody lost a precious one, and here I am, having a renaissance moment. It's a crazy ride, but for all it's worth, the pea has grown into a beautiful plant. Hope it made sense coz finally, everything is making sense to me now. Little by little, slowly and surely.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

^^^

To: Mayari

Hey!! I hope you are doing great!!! These days, everything felt surreal. I get to be active everywhere. It's draining, yet I feel so alive than ever. I had this thought that time is indeed just a concept, hmm? I mean, anytime is the right time to do what you want and whatever it is. Nothing is too late, most especially when it comes to growth. OH, being late in class still counts but FOR REAL RIP TO THE ONLINE CLASS SETUP -_-

PS. May we never run out of time to be the best versions of ourselves. LOVE WHOEVER YOU WANT. fck the situation, but SOON, GO ANYWHERE YOU WANT. SPEND FOR YOURSELF AND FOR YOUR LOVED ONES. FEEL EVERYTHING.

PSS. May we leave this world with fewer regrets and more amazing memories.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Quite a lot of letters were already sent. The post office is getting more and more letters, as well as Mayari. Still, NO REPLY. Maybe some other, Liway will be able to hear Mayari's words.

^^^

To: Mayari.

*here's an envelope just in case you want to write me something*

With so much love annd kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

'Tis the season to be jolly. LOL Nah. Liway has been out for the past weeks. By out, means on a hibernation mode. A L O T R E A L L Y happened. It's hard to put it into words. I guess Liway will end these letter-sending shenanigans or just lazy and trying to give out some excuses //

^^^

To: Mayari.

Ever since I was taught how to move around the kitchen, I've been assigned to be Mom's assistant while cooking for the feast every event/occasion we'll be celebrating. It's tiring but super fun. Getting your fingers bleed and while unaware is cool LOL~

PS. Why does it feel so good to overthink things while doing the dishes? What's with that scenario.........

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Tireless hands, heart, and mind with countless thoughts and feelings, papers, and pens everywhere—WRITING; it surely is one of the best ways to vent. Though letters can’t hug and wipe one's tears, witness waves of laughter, ease the pain, and such, the comfort from every word written is more than enough.

Suddenly time barge in and reminded me that this is enough. THIS IS ENOUGH FOR 2020...

A new chapter has arrived, and maybe it's time to move forward. Maybe this is where it all gonna stop for a while. I mean, writing is somehow tiring, literally. Probably, Mayari might reply with the number of letters sent anytime soon, so maybe waiting is all that needed.

No rush in moving on.

MAY YOU GET THE REPLY YOU LONG FOR SO LONG.

PRIORITIZE YOURSELF AND HAVE COURAGE.

BE KIND ALWAYS AND ALL WAYS.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Little did nobody know, Liway is writing a letter to her "ideal" self.

The letter-sending-to-nobody thingy of Liway is really mind-boggling, right?

Mayari is Liway. Liway is Mayari.

The things that Liway wanted to say but cannot articulate well were always sent to Mayari. Mayari is the version of Liway it wishes to become in the future.

The weak Liway longs and hopes to have "that" someone by her side to look up to. That's why she always writes letters and keeps them in the memory box.

The post office thingy was actually her shared room at home: the table at the corner with no lights but so much mess. It's that post office.

It's pandemic, so how can a post office be open and how brave she is to go out, right?

That saying, "be the hero you wanted to have when you were little", is the best explanation of Liway's way of venting and expressing.

Nobody knows when Mayari will come to life because it's no certainty that we can be the ideal self we all wanted to happen.

For now, Liway is fighting her battles and screaming louder to the universe,

UNTIL WHEN DO I HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY?

To be continued...

Happy New Year, Mayari. ✨💜

This is like an excerpt from my quarantine shenanigans for 2020 LOL.

#newyear #writing #vent #shortstory #letter

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