#idk i felt like it today! i saw a picture of myself and went hm i look Bad

[teriiblog]

I love you wrinkles I love you dimples I love you freckles I love you double chins I love you fat folds I love you body rolls I love you hip dips I love you weird brows I love you big noses I love you stretch marks I love you scars I love you I love you I love you!

[canadian-riddler]

idk if tumblr ate my ask but. if it did, 30 (obsession) for the riddler or scriddler?

Tumblr says, ‘your other ask was delicious, nom nom nom’

I says, ‘even if it hadn’t this is taking me a really long time because the music I’m listening to has made me too hype to write with any speed at all’

AO3 :D

‘Obsession’

Characters: Jonathan Crane, Edward Nygma [Scriddler]

The first time Jonathan saw him was on the front page of the newspaper.  He could say with absolute certainty that was the day it started. 

Before that day Jonathan would have been first in line to declare there was no such thing as a human being that was so attractive that one could not control themselves.  It was poppycock, he insisted.  Anyone who allowed something as primal as hormones to waylay their every thought was a weakling and a fool.  Jonathan had looked upon a lifetime of people and had never so much as done a single double-take.

The newspaper was in a browbeaten metal box next to a bus stop.  It was locked and the only access was either by key, vandalism, or coin.  Jonathan obviously did not have a key, the location made it difficult to vandalise, and he was loath to pay for absolutely anything.  But one of those three he needed choose, and he justified the third by telling himself it was a small price to pay to get the newspaper into his hands and thus have physical evidence that the man pictured there really was not so beautiful as his memory was bound to recall him.  He tucked it under his arm and did not look at it until he was safely home, and he discovered he was correct: he was not so beautiful as he recalled.  He was even moreso.

Jonathan put the newspaper into his desk drawer and failed not thinking about it.  Every single minute of every single day was haunted by the image of the beautiful man printed upon its face.  He could not sleep for the thought of it.  His lectures at the university, already marred with his general disinterest with being there, were now riddled with pauses and repetition as his thoughts unravelled even while he was speaking them.  He was well-known to the staff as a solitary and unpleasant creature, so his constant inquiries as to the man in the newspaper were met mostly with confusion and dismissal.  He was disgusted in himself for the asking but he could not stop.

Until the night he no longer had to, for he entered his apartment to find Edward there within it.  He stood in the doorway to his bedroom motionless and thoughtless and directionless.

“Well,” Edward said, his voice beautiful and direct from his lips to Jonathan’s ears, “you wanted me.  Here I am.”

Jonathan had never put a single neuron into concluding what Edward must have smelled like, but all of the ones available were thinking about it now.  He had no name to put to the man’s subtle scent other than ‘perfect’.  And he was draped casually across Jonathan’s desk, which would doubtlessly cause it to sink into the wood and remain there long after he left as an olfactory spectre which Jonathan would find himself unable to escape.

His hair was in that god-awful tousled style that Jonathan would now never be able to see on another man without thinking of him.  It was that certain colour that was achieved only by maple leaves only on one day of the year and some of it was visible from the top of the shirt of which he had not done up the top few buttons.  Jonathan had a nearly visceral need to see the rest of it, and whereupon it ran down his torso, down towards his artfully concealed genitals.  Jonathan’s own were filling with a steady heat it was already too late to hide.  Not even the rare shame threatening to wash through him was enough to convince his barely used equipment to settle back where it belonged.  For all his former conviction, it turned out he shared this carnal similarity with all those he had debased after all.

Edward laughed.  It was condescending, and Jonathan hated that he deserved it.  Edward swung himself to sitting with his knees spread and Jonathan hated that he had done it.  “Surely you haven’t been stalking me all this time just so you could stare at me,” Edward said.  “What was your aim, hm?  Did you mean to lock me up in your basement, perhaps?”

Jonathan had indeed fantasized many times about that very thing.  About restraining him, naked, to the wall with manacles which would chafe and bruise and ruin his beautiful skin.  He would leave him down there until he was emaciated and weak and then this would all end for he would have been made ugly as all of humanity was.

Edward shook his head and twitched his wrist up to eye level.  “I’m out of time, I’m afraid.  Good talk.”  And he simply stood and left as Jonathan stared after him, his entire body rigid and unmoving.

The obsession somehow escalated from there.

His room was soon plastered with every newspaper page which contained any mention of Edward.  Any and all news stories about him were preserved on video tape.  He dreamed and he dreamed and he dreamed of Edward, and he had never before been one for masturbation, but it did not matter how often or in what way he did it for the intense sexual desire Jonathan had for him never ceased.  In the dreams Edward was always beautiful, always enticing Jonathan to come to him, but when he did his hands could not feel the shape of him nor could his mind conjure up any image of what he may have looked like beneath his clothes and he knew it was because whatever he managed to think up would be so far inferior to the real thing that it was not worth the effort to visualise.  He lost hours sitting at his desk, the scent Edward had left behind erasing all notion of time or purpose.

Then Edward began to turn up in Jonathan’s daily life.

Jonathan did not ever have to look for him.  He would simply appear at places where Jonathan was already fated to be.  Some of these places were common sense and some of them were not, but Edward appeared in all of them nonetheless.  Jonathan could not leave his apartment without scanning every person he passed for Edward.  He could not remain inside of his apartment without scanning every person who passed the window for Edward.  Night was the only time he could continue his work, and continue his work he did for he had concluded it was his only way out of this.  Edward had stolen his body and so Jonathan would steal his mind.

When next Jonathan saw him the toxin was ready.  He approached, which he had never done before.  Edward’s smile implied he had anticipated such a thing and Jonathan hated the thrill it sparked in his stomach. 

“You have something in mind today, I take it?” Edward said.  His words were the lyrics to a song no one had the skill to write.  Jonathan nodded. 

“I have a truck parked out back.”

Edward hummed in satisfaction and followed him.  Jonathan did not want to take his eyes away when he lifted himself into the bed and leaned back in it as though it were his own and not Jonathan’s, but he had to.  He had to stop this now.  He removed the needle from the glovebox and concealed it behind his back.

“What have you got there?” Edward asked.  Jonathan did not answer.  He instead climbed onto the bed and straddled Edward and pressed his left wrist above his head, at which time he -

They were so close together.  And he knew.  Jonathan could tell that he knew, but he had come anyway.  All of this together stole Jonathan’s breath and his thoughts and replaced it with the violent need to grind his body against Edward’s until the ever-present ache between his legs was relieved at last.  He glanced downward to find that Edward’s bulge was no more present than it had been before, but his was firm beneath Edward’s knowing fingers.  He turned his head aside, into his right arm, in an attempt to dissipate the ensuing moan into his sleeve, but he knew the moment he did so it had not worked.

“Something tells me,” Edward said with accursed playfulness, “that drug isn’t going to be one of the ones I like.”

Jonathan could not answer because his ability to form words had been lost with a motion of Edward’s free hand.

“You know, if I wasn’t certain that was a lethal dose of your little fear experiment, I would have gone for it.  But as it is I’ll have to refuse.  No hard feelings.”

Jonathan bent down and pressed the point of the needle against the side of Edward’s neck.  Edward did not flinch.  Sweat was beading along Jonathan’s hairline and underneath his arms and the place where Edward’s hand was still bewitching him.  “If I kill you,” Jonathan murmured into his ear, “then this will end.”

“Why would you want it to?” Edward whispered.  His breath seemed to caress Jonathan’s skin.  “Tell me, Jonathan.  When was the last time you felt this much excitement?  This alive?  You never have, have you?  That’s why you’ve fallen into this so hard and so deep.  Your work gives you purpose, but it does not give you life.  Not like I do.”

Jonathan prayed that his grip upon Edward’s wrist would not weaken and that his thumb on the plunger would not falter.

“If you kill me,” Edward went on, the sound of his voice making Jonathan helpless, “you will never know the part of yourself that I have awoken.  And you can’t have that.  Can you.”

Jonathan’s breath stalled.  Edward’s eyes glittered knowingly in the dark and Jonathan could not stop looking at them.

“Drop the needle and do what you should have done when I laid myself out so nicely for you on your desk.”

Jonathan’s body obeyed against the panicked protestations of his mind.  He was kissing him at long last, hard and desperate.  His hand had released the needle and was clenching as much of Edward’s buttock as it could grasp, and Edward was laughing but Jonathan did not realise it until he ran out of breath.  He lowered his head to the breast of the man who had broken him and left it there.  Edward’s free hand was in Jonathan’s hair, at once reassuring and condescending, and he did not want for him to ever move it.

“Oh, Jonathan,” Edward fairly hummed into his ear, “you have been fun.”  And his hand, still holding Jonathan’s crotch, clenched and twisted it with sudden violence.  Jonathan saw white and that was all he was able to perceive for a good few moments.  His resumed awareness told him he was curled against the side of the truck, and once he had regained enough of his breath he scrabbled his hand up the bed until he could push himself to sitting.  He looked over his shoulder to see Edward sitting atop the other side, and as soon as their eyes met Edward smiled and swept his legs over the side and disappeared.  Jonathan could not get up fast enough to chase him and he noticed with a start that the syringe was gone.

Days went by.  Days, and then weeks, and then months.  Edward had gone.  He had vanished.  Jonathan tore through newspapers for mention of him in between glances at the ever-on television for a hint towards his whereabouts.  He scoured the Internet to the best of his limited ability and glowered at the publicly viewable footage and photographs and words describing the man who should have been his and only his.  He fantasized about storming into the places who thought they had the right to publish anything about him, inflicting upon them their worst fears and watching as the building burned to the ground before him.  He did not purposely sleep, and the occasions he found himself doing so he woke with clothes both sticky and sweat-soaked, driven by dreams of all the things he could have done when Edward had been beneath him but had not.

It was seven months and twenty-five days later when Jonathan received the postcard.  The photograph upon the front contained nothing he recognised, but the words upon the back froze his very blood:

You want me.  Here I am.

Jonathan learned then there was something worse than lust.  The rage that rose up in him was blinding and numbing and deafening, and a scream of fury tore a strip into the back of his throat that would echo for days.  His hands, divorced from any thought at all, tore the postcard asunder into a hundred jagged pieces and his eyes did not watch himself do it.  When vision returned to them his breath shuddered and his legs weakened.  He found himself kneeling on the floor amidst the fragments, and after a moment he began to gather them together in a panic.  “No,” he whispered to himself with a horror he would never learn how to inflict upon another.  “No!” 

He tried for hours to reassemble the card, but to no avail.  The pieces were too small and too many.  He held the scrap which contained the most of the words Edward had written and clenched it tightly within both hands.  And then Jonathan knew something which was nearly as horrible as the rage had been, and that was sorrow.  His body was a rigid inward curl and he cried hot and bitter tears into his own knees, his forehead pressed into his clasped hands.  Edward’s laugh was echoing in his ears.  Even now Jonathan could not find it ugly.

The sleep that came to Jonathan then was of a sort he had not known in years, deep and black and dreamless, and when he awoke and looked upon the evidence of what he had spent months upon months buried inside of he felt nothing.  He felt nothing at all.  Edward was still beautiful, but whatever part of him had cared was no longer there.  His eyes fell to the paper scattered upon the floor. 

“No,” he said to it.  “No, I think I will wait until it is you who wants me.”

And he rose to his feet and laughed and began to think of what he would do when finally that day came. 

[im-hqlover]

Imagine Owen Grady proposing.

(No image used belongs to me)

A/n - Okay, maybe I got a little excited while writing this, but I have to say, I don't regret anything, because I loved writing it, and I hope you like reading it as much as I did. For context this happens more or less in February / March 2015, a few months before the I-Rex incident, and it also kind of happens in the DT universe, buuut, maybe when I'm writing on the series, I'll do a second version of it, but in the dinosaur paddock where y/n trains, idk. 

This was requested by an anon, and I thank them again for making this request, it made me very happy, really. Thank you very, very much for that, and I hope you like it.

Enjoy~

Requested? Yes, by a wonderful Anon~ 

Summary: Imagine Owen doing a very romantic date with several surprises and asking you to marry him.

Warnings: You can die (of cuteness of course). Sex suggestion, and maybe it can trigger if you are like me and feel anxious when you can't see. Possible English errors. 

Pairing: Owen Grady x Reader 

Things you might find useful to know:

- The reader is female.

- The reader is 26 years old and Owen 31. 

- This takes place a few months before the events of the movie Jurassic World 1 

- Owen and y/n have been together for about 2 years. 

- This somehow happens in the same universe as Dinosaur Trainer (maybe it's part of the official, or is like an alternative timeline, i have to decide yet).

Y/n = Your name

L/n = Last name

F/c = Favorite color

F/fw = Favorite flower

Words count: 5377

Taglist:  If you want to be part of my taglist, please let me know!

(I hope I have put all the information, let me know if I forgot something)

After a long day at work, I finally arrived at my bungalow, where my faithful friend Kodi was waiting for me and came to greet me as soon as I opened the door. 

- Hi buddy, how was your day? - He grunted and I pet him behind his ears. - Mine was the same, as always. 

I put my bag on the couch and went straight to my room, and I was surprised to find a gift box on my bed, I was sure it wasn’t mine and it wasn’t here before, but I soon thought Owen left it there, since he is the only one who has the key to my house. 

I approached the box and picked it up, there was a post-it note with something written by hand that said the following: 

"I'll be there at 20:00, and if you can, dress in that f/c dress that looks very sexy on you ;)"

I smile when I read and a little laugh comes out of my nostrils, I open the box and feel my heart speed up when I see that there was my Polaroid camera that had been damaged and was now brand new, and in the box there was one of the first photos I took with Owen, where we were having a picnic outside his bungalow, in the photo we were both kissing while we both held the camera with one hand, and between us was Kodi and Red, I still didn't know how the hell we managed to get that picture. I looked at the small image for a few minutes with a smile and a tear escaped my eyes as I remembered that day. 

I left the camera and photo on the nightstand and went to the bathroom to shower, I had a cold one because it was still hot and I wanted to cool off from a long day exposed to the heat of Central America. 

After I dried my hair completely I did a high bun, and I wondered if I did makeup or not, and in the end I decided to do light makeup after brushing my teeth, I put on my favorite f/c dress which I can say was probably also my boyfriend’s favorite, and I put on my flat sandals that matched the dress. I looked at myself in the mirror for a few long minutes before I turned to Kodi who was lying on the bedroom floor. 

- Hey buddy, how am I? - He replied with a small bark and wagged his tail which made a noise when it hit the ground. - Thank you Kodi. 

I petted him and went back to the bathroom to keep all the things I had used, I organized the mess around my house a little bit and saw that it was still 10 minutes before Owen arrived to pick me up, I sighed deeply thinking about what I would do to wait for him. I looked at the camera on the nightstand and picked it up, analyzing it carefully. It was certainly the same camera, but I wondered how it had been repaired, looking almost like it was new.  I put the Polaroid where it was before and I took the photo, I had several photos that I had taken with that camera, but this was definitely one of my favorites, and because of that I had left it with Owen. I also observed Red, he unfortunately left us a few months ago, and I couldn't help feeling a little sad to remember that, he was Owen's dog, but I had become attached to him too.

I left my thoughts when I heard the sound of the wheels of a car making noise on the gravel, and Kodi barks towards the door and goes over there, I immediately leave the photo on the nightstand and go towards the door and wait for the sound of the knock on the door, which didn’t take long to happen. 

- Who is it? - I ask, but of course I already knew who it was.

- Hello miss, sorry to bother you this simple night, but could you tell me if y/n l/n is home? - I bit my lip to keep from laughing and thought about what I would answer.  

- Hmm, I don't know, she has been very busy with work lately, I don't know if she is available. - I leaned against the door waiting for Owen to answer. 

- And wouldn't she have some time on her busy schedule, even to go on a date with her amazing boyfriend? - I held back a small laugh in his pity and needy way, and took a deep breath before answering him.   

- Hmm, let me see. - I got off the door and opened it, revealing Owen, who surprised me because he was wearing a gray coat with matching pants, and wearing a black shirt, and he rarely dressed like that. I crossed my arms before answering. - Well, I think she does have a little time. 

Owen open a smile that melted my heart and showed his perfect teeth, that even after two years together it still made my legs look like gelatin. 

- You're beautiful as always. - - I smile at him and feel my blood boil on my face, he then removes the arms that were behind his back revealing a beautiful bouquet of f/fw flowers,  handing them over to me, which I picked up and smelled. 

- They are beautiful Owen, thank you. - I approach him, grabbing the collar of his shirt so that he bends down and then I could kiss him, I feel him put his hands on my hips, bringing me even closer to him, crushing the flowers a little bit. It was a deep and long kiss, a kiss to kill the longing since it was a week since the last time we saw each other, even if it was little, I already missed him and his lips,  but unfortunately we had to separate as soon as we needed air, he rested his forehead on mine and then I let go of his shirt I was holding up to that moment and put my hand around his neck.

- I missed you. - Owen whispered, still holding my hips, not allowing me to move away from him. 

- I miss you too. - - He kissed me again, it was a smoother kiss and it didn't take long because Kodi interrupted us with a bark, making me jump with fright, which made Owen laugh. 

- I think he wants us to go to our date soon. - Owen said and I laughed with him. 

- I'll put the flowers in there, I'll be right back. - I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and enter my bungalow, leaving the flowers in a vase that I had in the kitchen, and when I leave I close the door saying goodbye to Kodi, and Owen takes my hand and guides me to the car. 

- Can you tell me what the occasion is? - I asked Owen, and he turned to face me. 

- Hum? 

- The suit, you never wear it unless it is a very special occasion. 

- Our date is something special. - I laugh at his speech, and shake my head. 

- You know you don't need to dress up like that for our date, do you? I imagine wearing a suit must be hell, especially with the heat here on the island. You know I never cared about you wearing casual T-shirts and shorts. If we were on a date with you shirtless I wouldn't complain. - He laughed and scratched the back of his neck, was he nervous? He only did this when he was nervous, and it was difficult for him to do that. 

- I know, but I wanted to do something special. - I stop and look at his green eyes and think for a few seconds. 

- Am I forgetting something? What day is today? - He laughed softly before answering.

- No, you're not forgetting anything. 

- Then why something so fancy? I think the only time I saw you dressed like that was at your sister's wedding. You know I don't care about simple things. 

- I know baby, I just felt I should do something special for you. - He smiled and I looked at him suspiciously. - Oh, and you better use that. 

He took a black fabric from his pocket when he finished speaking. 

- What's that for? 

- I want it to be a surprise. 

- You are full of surprises today, aren't you Owen? - I cross my arms to him, which only makes his smile open even more. 

- Come on, turn around. - He gestured for me to turn around, so I did and he put the blindfold over my eyes, preventing me from seeing anything in front of me. - Can you see anything?

- I don't think so.

- It's too tight? - He asked as soon as I touched the fabric, and I shook my head. 

- No, that's fine. But where are you? - I look for him and then I feel him take my hand. 

- Come on, I'll help you. - I hear the car door opening, and with Owen's help I get in and sit on the seat,  and then the door closes, and a few seconds the sound of the other door opens and closes with the sound of the car starting. 

- Where are we going? - I ask as soon as the car starts to move, I shake my head trying to look at something, but I didn't see anything, so I decide to turn my head to "look" at Owen. 

- You'll already know. 

- Hm… - I cross my arms and turn my head forward, leaning against the seat. - You know I don't like not being able to see, right?

- I know baby, but it won't be long, and I promise that nothing will happen, and if you stumble I'll catch you. - Owen placed one of his warm hands on my knee, stroking it gently to try to make me comfortable, I laugh at the last part he said and keep "looking" forward, not being able to see anything beyond the darkness was scary, and left me feeling very vulnerable, my vision was everything to me, and being unable to see, even for a few minutes, terrified me and made me panic.

- Can you turn on the radio? - I ask him and hear him murmur in agreement, he removed his hand from my leg for a few seconds and then the sound of the radio invades the car, the song was over and I didn't recognize it, but the next one that started playing I already knew, and it was one of the songs that I've been listening to a lot lately, it was Am I wrong, by Nico and Vinz, and I started humming along with the song. Other songs I didn't know played , and then I finally heard the car stop and Owen saying.

- We're here. - I mumbled an ok, and waited for him to open my door and help me out of the car, I couldn’t see exactly where I was, but I could see something luminous, Owen took my hand and guided me to the brightest place, and when he stopped he withdrew my blindfold revealing the big tree that was next to his bungalow, its branches were lit with several yellow lights, and right below the tree there was the picnic table with a red towel, where there was a small vase with some flowers, the same as the bouquet he gave me, and there were two small candles beside them. My mouth was open, impressed by all that.

- So, what do you think? - Owen asked me as he put one of his arms around my waist. 

- Owen… this is… this is… beautiful, it's incredible. - I felt the air in my lungs leave me, that was so romantic and cute. I turn to face him and see him smiling. - Did you do all this? For me? 

- Well, I had a little help. - He shrugged and continued smiling, which made me smile.

- Thank you Owen.

- No need to thank me, not yet, because this is just the beginning. - Owen removes his arms from me and guides me to the table, I sat down and he did the same sitting in front of me. 

- Just the beginning? What else do you have to surprise me? - I raise my eyebrows in surprise and then look at him questioningly. 

- Calm down, you'll see. - He winked at me which made me smile and made my heart melt. - Waiter!  

- Wait, did you hire a waiter? - I was impressed, but when I turn to see the waiter my smile gets even bigger when I see my boyfriend's best friend.  - Barry!  

- Good night lady y/n, Mr. Owen, I am at your disposal tonight, what would you like to ask?

I looked at Owen who was also smiling, I realized that Barry was also wearing a suit, but it was a black suit with a white shirt, along with a bow tie, in addition he had grown his mustache and had a notepad, he really looked like the waiter.

- I thought of asking for the chef's special tonight. - Owen replied to the friend who nodded, I bit my lip trying to hold my little laugh, while looking at my boyfriend who didn't break eye contact with me and his smile had never disappeared.

- Uhum, it's a great request sir, it should be here in a few minutes. Want a drink to go with it?  

- Champagne, please. - I raised my eyebrows at the choice of drink, I saw Barry nod again and write on his pad. 

- I deliver immediately, sir. - As soon as he said that he went to Owen's bungalow. 

- Champagne, huh? - Owen nodded, and continued with that smile of melting my heart and making my legs weak. - I still think I'm forgetting something and you don't want to tell me. 

- Don't worry, you're not forgetting anything. - He put his hand over mine and drew small circles on my skin and I kept looking at his pretty eyes until Barry came with two glasses and a cold bottle of champagne, placing them on the table and opening the bottle and then pouring the liquid into the containers.  

- The food should come in a few minutes. - Barry announces and Owen and I agree, and then the waiter enters the bungalow again, I take a sip of champagne and realize that Owen is still looking at me.  

- What's it? Is there something on my face? - I say laughing because he is looking at me like that, and he laughed too. 

- The only thing on your face is the most incredible beauty I've ever seen. - He puts his free hand on my cheek, caressing it, I give a small nervous laugh and look away, I feel my face heat up. His compliments still made me feel like it was the first time I heard it and because of that I didn't know how to answer it, but I think Owen knew that I was grateful for that, even though I couldn't say it in words, or I at least expected him to know that. 

- Dinner is served. - Barry reappears with two plates in his hands, mine being my favorite food of all time, and Owen's was his favorite dish of course, steak with potatoes. - Enjoy the night, and anything just call me.  

- Thanks Barry. - Owen and I talk at the same time and Barry leaves with a smile and sits in a chair by the lake. 

- Jinx. - I speak at the same time as Owen again, causing us to laugh. 

- Jinx! - The same thing occurs and causes us more laughter. 

- Buttercup! - The fourth time happens, and I start laughing a lot about it, and Owen too, and when I calm down I hear the sound of a song start playing and look at my boyfriend, who was still smiling. 

- Come and get your love? - I ask Owen and he nods. 

- How about we eat our food before it gets cold? - I nodded, and so we started eating, we were silent, just the sound of music resonating, along with the rustling of the leaves on the trees and the sound of the water. 

- Did Barry do it? - I asked, referring to the food. 

- No. It was me. I just asked him to leave the food warm until we arrived. - Owen replied, and I mumbled an "hmm". - Is it bad? 

- What? No, this is wonderful. - I speak as soon as I realize he looked worried and I put my hand over his and look him in the eye. - Seriously, this is amazing, and I don't have enough words to thank you. 

His worried face disappeared as soon as I said that, and a smile returned to his face. 

- Well, I'm glad you liked it. - He paused for a few seconds before looking at me in that malicious way. - And I think I know a way for you to thank me.

He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and I bit my lip smiling. 

- Better hold your pants Owen! - I hear Barry scream what made me laugh and Owen chuckled. 

We continue to eat and drink, and when we're done and the song Dancing in the Moonlight starts playing Owen offers his hand and says. 

- Wanna Dance? 

- I would love to. 

I accept his hand smiling and we both get up, Owen takes me a little farther from the table so that we have space to dance and not occasionally hit there. He put one of his arms around my waist, and with the other he held my hand and we started to dance, even if it wasn't exactly a slow song, but we danced anyway. One of the things that made me even happier is that today was a full moon, so it was very visible and bright, mainly because the only lights that were there were on the tree, so we were both literally dancing in the moonlight. I hummed softly when the chorus came, and I was surprised when Owen did the same, and about halfway through the song when the instrumental part came Owen spin me around and when we came back to the previous position he bends over pressing our lips sweetly, and when we split up we continued to dance slowly, the song ended and was replaced by December 1963. We danced for several minutes, listening to Hooked on a feeling, Sugar Sugar, Burning Love and Endless Love, the last of which Owen was humming softly close to my ear, which was making me shiver, but he stopped singing in the middle of music and then whispered. 

- I want to take you to another place. - I look at him silently questioning where he intended to take me, and then he pulls the blindfold out of his pocket. 

- Is this really necessary? - I ask, pointing to the black fabric in his hands. 

- Yes. - I raise my eyebrows and he smiles. - Trust me. 

I sighed and turned around so that he would put the blindfold over my eyes, and as soon as he checked that it wasn't too tight he took my hand guiding me to the car again, it took him a long time to get in the car and I suspected he was talking to Barry. 

- Where are we going? - I asked as soon as he got in the car, and he gave a little laugh.

- If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise. - He started the car and I crossed my arms. 

- I'm curious, I need to know. 

- You'll have to wait baby. - I rolled my eyes, not that he could see, I didn't really like to have to wait, and curiosity was eating away at me, along with that anxiety of not being able to see anything. Owen turned on the radio in the car where it was playing songs I didn't know, he also left his hand on my leg, making small circles on my skin. The drive took several minutes, and every second I was more curious to know where the hell we were, especially when he stopped the car.  

- We're here. - Owen commented as soon as he helped me out of the car and withdrew my blindfold, and I came across the velociraptors paddock. 

- Why are we here? - I asked as soon as we started climbing the stairs to get to the walkway. 

- I thought you would like to see the girls, since it's been a while since you saw them, and I think they miss you. - He answered me as we continued up the metal steps. 

- Of course I want to, but shouldn't they be asleep by now? 

- I think they don't mind staying awake to see their mother. - I chuckled when he said "mom", it was an internal joke since I mentioned one day that he was Papa Raptor, so he started saying that I was the mother of the velociraptors. 

- If you say. - We arrived on the walkway, I leaned on the railing and Owen put his arm around me and whistled, but nothing happened, I looked at him who whistled again. 

- Come on girls, don't you want to see your mother? - He speaks with his Alpha tone, but at the same time begging for them to appear, which made me laugh when none of them did.   

- Leave it to me. - I put my fingers on my lips to amplify the sound of the whistle, and in a few seconds I see Echo, who tried to imitate my sound, then Blue, Delta and finally Charlie appears. - Did you see? 

- Traitors. - He murmured more to himself, but I managed to hear what he said, what made me laugh, he was still a little jealous when I managed to get them to pay more attention to me than to him. 

- Hey, we are their parents, I'm sure they love us equally. - I caress his back and he looks at me. - And aren't you going to tell me that you didn't obey your mother just before your father?

- Yes, you are right. - He laughed and looked in the direction of the raptor squad, Delta and Charlie were making noises to each other as if they were going to attack each other, but nothing really happened, already Echo was still trying to reproduce the sound of my whistle, and Blue was attentively looking at Owen and me. - Delta, Charlie, stop it! 

He had to snap his fingers a few times and whistle until they stopped and looked at him. I rested my elbows on the rail and started talking to them.  

- Hey girls, how are you? Did you miss me? - They make some sounds that make me smile. - I missed you too. 

Owen changes position and stands behind me, putting his strong arms around my waist, pressing his chest against my back, and resting your chin on top of my head.

- Did dad fight you a lot this week? - I feel Owen's chest quiver with his muffled laugh and the velociraptors make more sounds. I was sure Owen would say something, but he said nothing, and we were like that in silence, with the occasional sound that the raptors made, I looked up watching the beautiful starry sky with the big, bright full moon. 

- The sky is so beautiful today. - I comment and Owen bends to stand at my ear.  

- Not as beautiful as you. - I open a smile and close my eyes, enjoying the cool breeze that hit my skin, and after a few minutes in silence I say. 

- Thank you Owen, for everything, it was an amazing night and I loved everything. - I turn to face him and put a hand on his cheek. - I love you. 

- I love you too. - Our lips are moving in a deep and passionate kiss, those kisses that I wish would never end, but that unfortunately we had to stop at some point, but this time it wasn't because of the air, but because Owen slid one of his hands up to my ass.

- Owen! - I tap him on the shoulder as he laughs and smiles innocently. 

- What?

- Not in front of the kids. - I speak laughing, putting his hand on my hip again and I hear the sound of the velociraptors.

- I think they want us to continue. - Owen said while lowering his voice with each word getting closer to my ear and slowly lowering his hand but I stop him from getting to where he wanted to go.

- I think they're saying, "Eww, mommy and daddy are kissing, how disgusting, stop it." - I tuned my voice to try to imitate a child which made Owen laugh. 

- Okay, maybe you're right. 

- But... If Barry has already left... we could go back to your bungalow ... - I suggest while playing with the collar of his shirt.

- I like that idea, however, I still have one last surprise. - I turn my attention away from his shirt so I can meet his eyes. 

- One more? First you surprise me with my camera that had broken and was now fixed, in addition to my favorite photo, then you surprises me being dressed like this all stylish along with a bouquet of my favorite flowers, and then take me to your bungalow where there was incredible decor, with my favorite food and champagne, with background music and Barry as a waiter, sooo you decided to bring me here to see the girls. What else would you have to surprise me?

- Well, I can make a huge list of things that I could surprise you with, but… I was talking to all our daughters and son about this for a while, and I think we all came to a consensus. - Of course he was referring to the velociraptors, the dinosaurs I trained and Kodi, for us it is as if they were somehow our "children". 

- Oh yes? A consensus among them all? - I ask curiously, it should have been funny that he kept talking to all of them to reach a consensus on something. 

- Shh, don't ruin the moment, I'm trying to be serious here. - I looked closely at his face, and by his expression he was really serious, and then my smile fell becoming serious too, paying attention to what he was going to say. 

- Y/n, I never thought in my life that I would have a serious relationship with anyone, I never thought that I would meet such a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, funny, courageous, kind, loving woman who could have stolen my heart like you, and after thinking about it a lot I made the decision that I want you forever in my life, that you are mine and that I am yours. - He knelt down and took a black velvet box from his coat, and when he opened a ring it was inside, I put my hands on my mouth and I could feel the tears starting to form on my face. - So, y/n l/n, I want to ask you if you would like to become Mrs Grady. 

My voice was gone for a few seconds and my tears kept falling, so in the midst of sobs I managed to speak. 

- Yes, oh my god, yes of course. - I hugged him so fast and tightly, that he almost lost his balance and fell.

- Hey! Careful, it almost made the ring fall off. - He spoke with a little laugh and put his arm around my waist, I move my head so I could face Owen and he had a big smile, we stared at each other for a few brief seconds when we slowly approached our faces and sealed our lips in a passionate, deep, full of affection and breathtaking kiss, I don't know how long that moment lasted, but I wish it would never end. 

When we separated our lips, Owen gently took my left hand, sliding the ring on my finger, after he put away the small velvet box our lips met again, until we were interrupted by the sounds of raptors below us. 

- Yeah girls, now it's official. - Owen told the squad what made me smile even more, and I looked at my finger to see the ring, it was silver and had small details carved into it, but what I found strange was that I had a familiar feeling about that ring, I was sure I had seen it somewhere before.

- I know you don't have a jewel like most engagement rings, but I know that you would like perhaps something more simple and sentimental than something extravagant. 

- Wait... I recognize that ring, it... it is my great-grandmother's engagement ring... how did you get it? - I look at him and he scratches the back of his neck before answering me. 

- When I was looking for a perfect ring, I called your mom to get a suggestion of what you would like, and she said I could use the ring that your dad used to ask her in an engagement that belonged to your great-grandmother. We all know you like these sentimental things, so I accepted her suggestion, and she sent me the ring. Not you… - I shut his mouth by sealing our lips, and I could feel him smiling during the kiss. 

- Oh Owen… that… is perfect. I love you very very very much. - I say as soon as we split up, his smile couldn't be bigger, and of course I return him with a smile too. - Thank you. 

- I love you too. And you're welcome, I just do what's best for my girl. - Our lips meet again, and again the velociraptors make a noise from below. - I love you too, I love all my girls. 

He said, addressing the dinosaurs below us who were still watching us closely.

- And boy, don't forget Kodi.

- And boy. Even though he's kind of disobedient to me and…

- Hey! - I playfully punch him in the chest making him laugh. 

- You didn't let me finish, I was going to say that I love him too. - We both continue to smile like two idiots that we are, and without realizing it we started to dance slowly there on the walkway, even without any music. 

- We didn't even get married and we already have 8 daughters and 1 son. - I laugh at the thought of our dinosaurs and dog as our children, which in some ways wasn't wrong, since they were like children. 

- Well, not that I want to have a real baby now, but we could do the process of one, you know… - Owen moved his eyebrows suggestively making me laugh, he ran his fingers through the zipper of my dress, threatening to open it. 

- First let's put the children to bed, and then we go back to your bungalow and... we can see what can happen ... - I ran my fingers over the collar of his shirt. 

- I can't wait for that. - He smirked and before I could stop him he hit my ass. 

- Owen! - He left my side and started walking quickly down the walkway.

- Let's go girls! Time to sleep! - He gestured for them to go to the cage where they slept, he didn't need to repeat the command and soon they went. - And you come with me. 

He gestured towards me and I bit my lip and crossed my arms. 

- Oh I don't know... should I? - I teased him and didn't move from the place I was, but Owen approached me slowly with that look of "Do you dare disobey my orders?". 

- Are you disobeying the orders of Alpha, miss? - He stood a few centimeters from me, with his arms crossed and looking "serious", I forced myself to look serious, but that was very difficult.

- Who said you are Alpha? - I asked him, not breaking eye contact for even a second, and before I could regret what I said he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. - Owen! Put me down! 

- Since you doubt my authority as Alpha, I think I should show my domain over here. 

I start to laugh and hear his muffled chuckle and he starts down the metal stairs, heading towards the car. 

I think today would be a long night. 

A/n - Hey, here we are again! I hope you liked it and that this is good. As always if you find an english error or find something confusing please let me know so I can fix it.

Until the next post! 

- Ina - 

Masterlist

[pop-culturereference]

Up High

Characters: Damian Wayne, Tim Drake, Dick Grayson

Relationship: Damian Wayne and Tim Drake

Summary: After KGBeast shoots Dick, Damian is angry. He even contemplates killing KGBeast. Good thing Tim is there to talk him down. (Even if Damian was tempted to kill the KGBeast, he would not actually do it. idk what DC was thinking with this arc in Teen Titans.)

From the tallest building in Blüdhaven, the city was completely different. Damian sat, dangling and swinging his legs, as the sun rose and shone off of the water in the bay. Up close, Damian knew, the water was murky and clogged with bobbing debris, but the glint of the sun hid that from him when he saw it from all the way up here. It was quiet; the noise of the streets didn’t reach up here—the workers cleaning the streets, the screeching of the metro, the shouting. 

Grayson had taught him to love places like this. Up high, everything was different. Grayson had called it  “a clearer perspective.” He’d told Damian, “I come up here to re-orient myself. You know, Robin, when you’re down there, everything is so up-close and you’re right in the thick of it. The buildings are taller than you, you get shoved and pushed in the crowd, and the streetlamps are just bright enough to show you all the rats crawling out of the sewers.” He’d taken off Batman’s cowl then, and ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s the same thing with being Robin. You have to look at it like this. That way, instead of showing you the rats, the streetlights are like stars.”

Damian had scoffed. At the time, he didn’t believe anything Grayson told him: he wasn’t Damian’s father; his father was dead, and Grayson thought he could replace him. Now, though, he felt like Grayson’s words had seeped down into his bones.

That was good, because Grayson probably wouldn’t be saying any more of that; it was Damian’s duty now to hold onto as much of him as he could. Just after Damian thought he had his brother back, KGBeast had shot him in the head, and he was gone again. That was what brought him up here: he needed a clearer perspective. He itched to kill KGBeast. It scraped at his every thought. He couldn’t go a day without rage crawling in him.

How was any of this fair? First, Damian had died. Then, he came back to life, but Grayson was dead. They’d been reunited and things had miraculously worked out, and Damian had been almost ready to believe that the world was a genuinely good place. But after all that, after things aligning so well, finding hope, KGBeast had ruined it. Grayson deserved better, and KGBeast deserved worse.

Damian kicked his legs harder against the concrete of the building. Above the city like this was the perfect place to make his choice.

Grayson was the one who’d taught him the value of life. He would be disappointed in Damian if he killed the KGBeast. Damian could already picture the look: Grayson standing sternly with his hands on his hips, but sadness and pity in his eyes. Grayson would never make that look again. Grayson was no longer Grayson. 

Something had to be done. The world was unfair, and Damian wasn’t going to wait for it to take away the only good things he had left. Grayson was gone and Ric wouldn’t care; Ric didn’t even like Damian. 

Earlier that day, when they were finally allowed into the hospital after the surgery, Damian planned to tell Grayson about the animals. He always liked hearing about them; he would smile, ask questions, and try to ruffle Damian’s hair, so Damian hoped that it would distract him from the possibility of forced retirement from Nightwing.

“I am teaching Ace how to open doors, he is progressing very quickly. He now fetches my blades for me, even when my door is closed. It was a brilliant-”

“Look. Kid. I’m sorry, I don’t know you, I don’t know your dog, and I don’t care. I’m not Dick. I need you to leave me alone.”

“Do you remember Pennyworth? Last week, he caught Alfred, the cat, in the-”

“What part of leave me alone don’t you understand? I. Don’t. Know. You. I can’t babysit, God,  I’m strapped to a hospital bed! Get! Out!”

Damian had stormed out and come directly to Blüdhaven to get above and away from everything. The tear tracks on his face had long since dried, but he didn’t think he could face everything yet, so even as the sun rose, he stayed. The sunrise was beautiful but cruel. He couldn’t start another day with his family, he could never adjust himself to Ric in Grayson’s stead. 

The world was horrible, and killing KGBeast wouldn’t fix the damage he had done, but the world would be slightly better with him gone. Damian was already a killer; he’d killed more people than he could count, not that he’d ever bothered to keep track. One more wouldn’t make a difference.

When the sun rises above the waterline completely, he thought, I’ll leave, and I’ll track him down and kill him.

Until then, he looked out over the city and tried to find what Grayson saw. 

Damian could almost hear him saying, Don’t worry so much about it, Little D. The point is to not worry.

“Tt. Nonsensical as always,” he replied to the voice in his head. Then, “I,” he started. He quickly looked around, just to double check that he really was alone up here. “I miss you already,” he whispered. He felt the beginning of tears and snot, so he sniffed and blinked until they left.

When the sun left the water, he stood up and turned around to leave, only to see someone else on the other end of the roof.

“Damian,” Drake called. 

“Turn around and jump off, Drake,” Damian called back. He stood with his arms crossed. Had Drake followed him there? Was he going to lecture him? Did his father send him?

“I just talked to Dick,” Drake said, walking closer. That gave Damian pause—did Grayson send Drake? “He told me to leave him alone.” With every word, he stepped forward and he didn’t have to yell so loud to be heard. “And, he told me that he sent you away and that he wasn’t a damn babysitter.”

Drake sounded bitter, so for once they had something in common.

“Tt,” is all Damian could say, unable to even come up with an insult for Drake.

Drake sat down where Damian had been sitting just barely watching the sunrise and patted the concrete next him, motioning for Damian to sit. Damian did not.

“Dick loved to climb up high,” Drake said. “I think it made him feel at home, plus, he always said something about perspective.” He heaved a sigh and craned his head back to look at Damian. The sun glistened off tears in his eyes. “You and I both know that the Dick we saw today was not Dick. One day, he may make it back to himself, but for now… I think it’ll be a bit.” He pulled one leg to his chest and let the other dangle off the edge as he continued, “I know he loved you a lot. I can’t figure out why- I’m sorry, forget I said that last bit. What I’m saying is, even though we haven’t ever gotten along, I want to try. For Dick.”

“Tt.” Damian took a hesitating step toward Drake, then lowered himself down to sit next to him. He refused to look at him, though, eyes on the horizon. Drake moved to pat his shoulder, but Damian grabbed his hand and twisted. “If you try to touch me again, I throw you off.”

“Ha! So endearing. I see now why Dick likes you so much.”

After that comment, they sat in silence for a while. Drake swung his legs like Damian was doing earlier, so Damian very pointedly did not kick or swing his own.

“You know,” Drake said, glancing at Damian from the side of his eye, “I don’t think I ever quite understood Jason until today. Dick was shot, and Bruce does nothing? Weak. Doesn’t Dick deserve more than that, after everything?”

“My father-” Damian starts, defensively, but Drake doesn’t stop at the interruption.

“Then, I realized, I get it. Bruce is right. If we went and killed the KGBeast, that would just continue a cycle of violence. It would just go from generation to generation. Bruce passes it to us, just like Talia passed it to you.”

“My mother-”

“Changing the world isn’t easy, Damian. Especially for us. It always starts with little things like this. If we killed KGBeast, why don’t we kill every criminal? It would be unfair to only kill criminals who only hurt us personally.”

Damian agreed. If he killed the KGBeast, he would have to kill most criminals he met. For the sake of justice and fairness.

Drake sighed and turned his head to Damian, trying to look him in the eyes. Damian still refused to look back, gazing out over the city.

“Not every criminal, not even every murderer, deserves to die,” Drake said. “I stick by this more than ever. I need to, for Dick. God, Damian, when you first showed up, I thought you were hopeless and that we either needed to send you back to Talia or lock you up. You had killed people, and, sorry, but you were an insufferable brat.” He huffed a short laugh. “Still are sometimes.”

“I will push you off.”

“Wait, Damian. Listen, for once. It took years to convince me. Dick kept telling me that it wasn’t really your fault and that I just had to give you a chance. I never really did, and I’m sorry for that.” He took a deep breath. “That’s his legacy. His legacy is you. He loved you and was so proud of you, Damian. And he was right. I hate to say this, but I just needed to give you a chance. What do you say? Will you give me a chance?”

“Tt.”

Drake laughed, a little teary. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

They sat in silence as the sun climbed the sky and the shadows shortened. Damian still itched to kill the KGBeast, but maybe that wouldn’t be justice after all. He had been just about to leave and hunt him down when Drake showed up, but now, he’d thought better of it.

“Drake,” he said.

“Hm?”

“I don’t need babysitting. Tell that to Grayson when you see him next. And, also tell him that...  he was right about perspective.”

[parkaiur]

Snowy Days - Jihoon

❀ genre: college life + romance + a dash of angst 

❀ word count: 5491

❀ a/n: just read the tags below but if ur too lazy to basically: don’t expect lots of updates and i just wrote this as a form of therapy for me. i guess i missed writing and needed to rant /shrugs/ 

also this title sucks but idk what to do with it either LMAO 

❀ ❀ ❀

It was a quiet, winter evening; the snow was gently falling outside and the laughter of college students filled the dorm hallways. 

I, on the other hand, was curled up in a ball on my bed, reading a book. The soft sounds of my hand turning the pages lulled me in a dreamland of swoon-worthy boys. 

Suddenly, I heard a loud bang. 

I flinched and jumped up on my bed to see what had dropped. 

“Sorry! Just dropped my pan, how’s it going?” I sighed thankfully, realizing it was just my roommate, Naeun. Naeun was a freshman like me; we hadn’t talked much before rooming together. We got along most of the time, but being around people just irked me sometimes.

I pointed at the book, trying to hide the girlish daze in my eyes. 

“Just reading, like usual.” I kept my words short, hoping she would get the hint that I wasn’t in the mood to talk. It wasn’t like I was mad at her or anything, but I need my breaks with all the socialness of college. I don’t think people understand how tiring it is for introverts to have to be “on” all the time; “on” meaning social. 

She nodded. “What book?” 

“It’s called ‘Win Some, Lose Some’ by Shay Savage. It’s a really amazing novel about a boy who was Autism and a girl who ...” I trailed off when I realized she had her back towards me. The sound of her pots and pans flying into her drawer was distracting. “A girl who befriends him basically. How was your day?” I asked politely. 

I braced myself for her long winded answer. Most people just say “good” or “it was pretty alright” but not Naeun, she pops off and talks about things no one really needs to know, and no one really cares. 

“It was okay. I saw one of my friends on campus and I waved to her because it’s so weird, right? Seeing people you know on such a large campus. And then I walked to English and my professor was just such in a good mood today, she’s so nice, I love her.” 

I smiled carefully, hoping she doesn’t realize how much I do not care about who she waves at or how her professor looks. 

“Then, I went to the library and did some of my math homework and I got started on the next chapter. And then I started to do my English homework which I got kind of stumped on. Anyway, all I could think about is this big burrito when I was studying.” She took out two large burritos and plopped them on a blue plate. 

I nodded and told her I was going to go back to my book. She nodded and right as I was about to plug in my earbuds to drown out her voice while I read, she stopped me with her voice.

“Hey, I’m bored, do you think Ahyoung and Somi are busy?” I took out my earbuds once more and shrugged. 

“Probably not.” 

“Hm. Is it cool if I invite them over? I mean, you don’t have to say yes if you just want to be alone, I know how you get like that.” 

I forced an awkward smile. “Um, I actually want to just chill and be alone, but you can always go to their rooms... they live in the same building.” I tried not to let my annoyance show in my voice, but it was rising. 

She furrowed her brows and sighed. “Yeah, but they’re so far...” She whined. 

Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t roll your eyes. 

“I mean, they always come to our dorm, maybe go to them today?” I really didn’t care what she did, I just wanted to be alone. 

I turned on my music and opened my book so I didn’t have to hear her complain. She went back on her phone and I was content reading in peace. 

Five minutes later, I heard loud knocking on the door. 

What? She did not just...

“Oh, hey, Ahyoung! How’s it going?” 

No way, she did not just invite people over after I told her not to. 

I felt my blood boil, but I tried to keep my calm. I was not going to make a scene, especially since Ahyoung was my friend. 

I locked eyes with Naeun, who I visibly glared at. 

“It’s chill, y/n, you don’t have to talk we are just gonna hang a bit and then go watch some TV.” 

I bit my tongue to not snap at her. Her insensitivity was rubbing me the wrong way, but I didn’t want to blow up. We were all adults here, I didn’t want to seem like a child who got irritated when they were forced to socialize with their mom’s friends. 

Soon, I heard another knock. 

“Hey, Sooyoung! Come in, we are picking a show to watch.” 

I tried to calm down and read my book, but when I say I want to be alone, I really mean I want to be alone. 

I felt myself boil over in anger as I could still hear them over my earbuds. Their laughter and constant chatter couldn’t be tuned out. 

“Ok, we are gonna go to the lounge and watch TV. High five!” Naeun held her hand right in front of my face and I hit it just to make her leave. I swear, I’d rather hit her face instead. 

As soon as I heard the door slam shut, I pulled out my earbuds and went to rinse my face. 

How insensitive of her! I explicitly told her not to invite anyone over to the dorm, and there she goes. She can’t walk up one flight of stairs to see our friends?? So fucking rude. 

Living in the dorms as an introverted person was terribly hard. I don’t even know if introverted is the right word for it anymore if I want to go days without talking to people. And it sucks when no one truly understands me and doesn’t take my words seriously. 

I groaned and stared at myself in the mirror.

“Just two more quarters and you’re free for the summer.” 

I sighed and wiped my face on my towel. 

College was hard. 

I had found my group in college, but unfortunately, I had made the same mistakes as I did in high school. First, I stayed connected with some friends from high school who I had planned on cutting off. And most importantly, I put too much time and effort into people who disrespect me and don’t care for me. 

And now I live with someone like that. 

It angered me to feel so out of place, so alone in the dorms even when I had friends. Whenever I wanted to escape, there was no where to go. All my friends were here. 

I clenched my fist. 

All of a sudden, I couldn’t just sit down and read. I glanced over in the corner of the room and saw the camera from my photography class sitting there. 

I looked outside my window and saw the soft snow falling down. 

I quickly pulled on a warm, puffy jacket, jeans, and headed out to take some photos with my trustworthy camera. 

-----

The air was colder than I remembered. I felt my nose crinkle as the wind blew snow into my nose. 

The city was beautiful; it was painted in white sparkles. I snapped a few photos and took a deep breath. 

I loved being outside and having no one notice me; this was one of my favorite things about living in the city and college in general. I snapped pictures of groups of people walking across the street. The blur of the street lights combined with the softness of the snow captivated me. 

“Some nice pics you got there.” 

I jumped at the voice and almost dropped my camera; thankfully, it’s always wrapped around my neck.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t think you’d get so scared.” 

I looked up and saw a boy around my age staring at me. And dang, was he cute. 

I thanked God for the weather because my cheeks were already red. 

“Uh, um, it’s fine.” I fibbed quickly. I felt awkward because I didn’t know how to act around guys my age, especially ones as cute as him. 

Be friendly, be friendly. He just wants to be friends.

“Um, I’m y/n by the way.” I took out my hand to shake his. He chuckled and reciprocated the action.

“Jihoon, Park Jihoon. You live in this building too?” He pointed at the building next door to me. I shook my head and watched as the snow fell onto my shoulders.

“Oh no, I live in this one.” He nodded. “Are you a freshman?” I asked. 

He laughed heartily. I liked how he didn’t hide his emotions. “Oh no, I’m a sophomore this year but I’m an RA in this building.” 

I made an “O” shape with my mouth. “Ah, a resident adviser. I’m applying to be one next year, kinda nervous but hopefully I’ll get the job.” 

His eyes widened. “Oh really? I rarely meet people who want to baby a bunch of freshmen.” I laughed at his comment. “But hey, it’d be cool if we were in the same dorm next year. You could teach me to take such pretty pictures.” I laughed and flipped through the photos on my camera out of habit.

“Don’t get your hopes up, I haven’t even been accepted for the job yet. Also, I’m taking photography 101 with Professor Lee Miyoung, I’m sure she’s a better teacher than I am.” I teased. 

He shrugged. “Well, I doubt she’s as pretty as you.” 

My heart froze. 

W-what? Did he just flirt with me? Oh god, what do I say now? How do I flirt back? I-

“Sorry, was that weird? I wanted to call you pretty but I didn’t mean to lowkey talk about a professor’s beauty either.” He looked mildly embarrassed when he shook out his hair full of snow. 

I gave him a small smile. “Um, no, not weird, it was actually kind of smooth. I don’t really know how to respond to flirting.” 

Oh my god. I just said that. 

His eyes lit up mischievously as I tried not to blush even harder.

“Oh flirting? Is that what we are doing?” He teased.

“Technically, that’s what you are doing.” He laughed loudly and his voice echoed throughout the streets. I only hoped to have that loud of a voice as an RA. 

“You got me there.” He then looked down at his watch and frowned. 

“What’s wrong?”

He looked up at me with his soft brown puppy eyes. I swear this guy is too cute to be real. “Um, my shift is starting soon.” He then took out his phone. “I know we just met, but you seem pretty cool-”

Before he could finish, I took his phone and typed in my number.

“There, now you can teach me how to be an RA and I can teach you how to take photos.” I said as confidently as I could. 

He seemed a bit surprised at my voice, but nodded.

“Sounds great, see you later.” He waved to be as he walked away, but slipped on a patch of snow. 

“Ah, be careful!” I shouted. He gave me a small smile and walked back into his dorm.

Well, at least this day ended on a high note. 

-----

“Hey, where’d you go last night? We were wondering where you were at.” 

I’m an adult, I don’t have to tell you everywhere I go.

I bit back the words and forced a small smile. “Oh, I just went to take some photos for my photography class. The snow looked really pretty last night.” I left out the minor detail that a cute boy started to talk to me. I wanted to keep the giddiness to myself. 

“Oh cool. I just came back from the gym. I saw a really cute boy in there. He was really fit, dark skinned, dark hair. And he smiled at me and I smiled back. We didn’t get to talk because I was so out of breath, but I hope he’s at the gym again.” She went off without me asking her too. 

I understand that I’m being a bit tough on her, but she irritated me first by inviting people over when I told her not to. People always talk about communication in college, but sometimes people just don’t listen to you. 

“Cool, hope you see him again.” I said nicely. I have to put on a nice face with my roommates, as I don’t want to be in an awkward living situation. 

“Yeah... how was your day today?” 

-----

“And then she just invited you guys over, disregarding what I had just said before! Isn’t that rude?” I voiced to Ahyoung, my best friend. I’d known her before going to college, well, I’ve known her since we were 8. 

She looked a bit hesitant on what to say. 

I went on about the situation. “I’m not saying I hate seeing you guys, but you know how I get when I want to be alone. I...I just want to be alone and it makes me crazy when I see people. Plus, I told Naeun I wanted to chill out and be alone and then she just invites you guys over, without telling me?? I’m not crazy.” I ranted. 

Ahyoung sighed and took a sip of her coffee filled with milk and sugar. 

“I mean, she did say she was inviting us over in the groupchat.” 

I glared at the younger girl. “Excuse me, I was sitting right next to her, she knows I didn’t check my phone. It’s rude to not tell your roommate you’re inviting people over, and it’s even ruder when we just talked about how I didn’t want her to invite people over. It’s not like she forgot within the five minutes.” 

“True. That wasn’t nice of her.” I noticed she hesitated on saying anything bad about her. We were all friends, but I was the one who had problems with friends in the group, as usual. I didn’t like very many people, but I was civil and nice to everyone; that’s what being an adult is all about. 

“Yeah...” I trailed off. I don’t know when it got so weird between us, but it felt like I couldn’t talk to my best friend about things in my life. I didn’t even tell her about the cute guy who flirted with me. Deep inside of me, I knew she didn’t deserve to know these things about me when she didn’t want to hear the bad parts of my life. 

It felt like everyone wants to be around me when I’m laughing and joking, never when I’m serious and want to talk about my feelings. No one wants to listen when I want to rant about real things in life, yet they love when someone rants about some “dumb” thing a girl did in the hallway. 

I didn’t get why they judged people before they knew them. I always tried to talk with people before I made judgements, yet people think it’s weird when I judge people I talk to. That’s the way you’re supposed to judge people... when you get to know them personally. Duh.

As I was talking, I saw her eyes focused on something far away from me. 

I turned around and saw her crush standing there. She stopped listening to me as he waved at her. I saw her eyes bright up when she saw him and I grew annoyed. I was telling her about something that was bothering me, and then she chooses a boy over me. Not cool. 

“Hello? Earth to Ahyoung??” I teased. She shrugged me off. 

“He’s so cute. I know he doesn’t like me, but I can’t help myself.” 

I snorted. “Yeah, he doesn’t like you and actually, he only dates white girls and you my friend, are not white.” I knew I was being harsh, but I hear about him every single second and it angers me when I want to vent about something in my life and she doesn’t think I’m as important as her crush.

She flinched at my harsh words. 

“You just wouldn’t understand, you’ve never had a crush before. You’ve never been in love before.” She said matter of factly. 

Ouch. 

This was all true, but it hurt when she said it like that. I’ve never felt romantic love, wow, thanks for reminding me. Maybe I’m too busy taking care of my dumb friends who don’t care about me. 

Maybe.

-----

“Bye, see you later.” I waved her off as we both went to class.

As soon as I turned around, I saw a familiar face. 

Jihoon. 

I fixed my hair and prayed none of my mascara had smeared on my face. 

Be confident, make friends. 

“Hey, Jihoon.” He turned around with a confused look on his face. I felt a leap in my heart when he smiled at me.

“Oh hey y/n, it’s weird to see you without a camera.” He joked. 

I felt my heart skip a beat when he said my name; I was so used to people forgetting about me. 

“Hah, well it’s weird to see you in the daylight.” I joked. When I saw him left an eyebrow, I knew I said something wrong. 

I felt my face burn up at my own words. 

“Not like that.” I blubbered out. He let out a light laugh. 

“Well, I mean, you’re right.” He took note of my embarrassed state and changed the subject. “So, what class are you headed to?”

“History of the Ancient Greek and Roman worlds, how bout you?” 

“Woah, what an interesting class. I’m heading to choir practice actually.” That made me stop in my tracks.

“Wait, you sing?” 

He chuckled. “Yup, that is what you do in choir.” I felt a bit embarrassed at my statement. “I’m joking, I’m joking, but yes, I do sing. Have been doing so for my whole life.”

“I did choir up until high school, I didn’t feel good enough for college. I still don’t know how to read music and it’s been years.” 

“It’s hard, but you get used to it. You should give it a shot if you really want to though. Or come watch one of our performances.” I smiled at him.

“One day.” I stopped walking and pointed at the building in front of us. “This is me. I’ll see you later?” 

He nodded and smiled. 

“I’ll see you later.”

-----

Two weeks had passed and I hadn’t seen much of Jihoon. We waved to each other in passing, but it was midterms soon, and exams were the only thing on my mind. We sent each other memes daily though and we just got each other’s humor- that was rare. 

I was filling out my history study guide until I heard my roommate, Naeun, walk in.

“Hey, y/n~ Ahyoung, Sooyoung and I saw you talking to a boy yesterday~ Oooooooo what’s his name?” 

She sat right in front of me, not giving me any personal space. 

I tried not to blush but honestly, my face was turning red because I was so annoyed at her.

“His name is Jihoon. He’s an RA in the dorm next to us, we met at an RA informational meeting.” I lied. I didn’t want to tell her I ran out of the dorm because I couldn’t handle her and people.

“He’s cute, nice body too.” I felt a an overwhelming sense of jealously and protectiveness wash over me. I hated it. I didn’t want to be this person. I probably only felt this way because I didn’t like Naeun right now. 

“Yeah, you can have him if you want. I’m not into him.” I lied. 

She raised a brow. “Really? Don’t be upset if he falls for me then.” I knew she was joking when she flipped her hair dramatically, but I wasn’t into it. 

I felt my buried insecurities rise when I stared intensely at her face. Her eyebrows were neatly plucked, which I was always too scared to do. Her skin was tanned and even, not blotchy and red like mine. Her fashion was trendy and most boys liked her because of her socialness, on the contrary, I was awkward and mean to boys, unintentionally. 

I just went back to doing my homework, shaking off the comparison. 

-----

Later that night, I saw a message pop up in my texts which was weird because I usually mute everyone.

‘hey midterms are killing me and i dont understand anything... want ice cream?’ 

I tried not to laugh even though both my roommates were at the library. 

‘uhhh shouldnt u be studying if u dont understand anything?? mayb??’ 

‘LOL thats not how it works young padawan’ I rolled my eyes. He thinks he’s so much older than me. 

‘also I don’t eat ice cream, i don’t eat dairy’

‘... aight imma head out’ 

I snorted and tilted my head back in laughter. 

‘ok, no ice cream... what DO you like?’

You. I like you. 

... Definitely not sending that.

‘UMMM i like hot chocolate?’ 

‘okay, i’ll be at your dorm in 5. what is your room number again?’

‘303′ 

‘aight’ 

I looked down at short shorts and tank top and then at the harsh winds outside. I threw on a pair of cute leggings and a heavy sweater. I put on a black jacket over it and placed a beanie on my head. 

I did my brows and put on a few swipes of mascara. I carefully applied my lightly colored lip balm and sprayed face mist to look dewy and cute. 

Is this a date? Or is this just two friends being adventurous? 

Whatever, I want to look cute at least.

Seconds after I finish, I hear a knock at my door. I took a deep breath.

This isn’t a date. This isn’t a date. Calm down.

I opened the door. 

He was wearing a puffy jacket and dark black jeans that outlined his thigh muscles. Yum.

I also noticed he was wearing a gray beanie... which was identical to mine.

“Cute hat.” I noted. He grinned and tugged on my beanie. 

“Same goes for you. Ready for some hot chocolate?” 

“Yes, where are we going to get said chocolate caliente?” 

Jihoon gave me a weird look. “Chocolate what?” 

I stared at him, stunned. “Chocolate caliente. Caliente means hot in Spanish. Therefore, hot chocolate. You didn’t take Spanish in high school?” 

He shook his head. “Nope, I took Japanese because I’m a weeb.” I snorted. 

“Wow, I should be surprised but I’m not.” He pushed me playfully and I tried not to freak out over the warmth of his skin. 

“You’re telling me you don’t watch any anime?” 

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I watch some anime. But am I full blown weeb... no.” 

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I can change that, don’t worry.”

“You still didn’t tell me where we are going.” My fingers felt crisp from the cold air. It wasn’t snowing tonight, but the ground was still white. 

“Aha, we are going to my favorite cafe called ‘Pink Heart Cafe’. It is decked in pink hearts.” 

“As expected from a Pink Heart Cafe.” I joked. In the near distance, I noticed a sign that had a baby pink heart that wrote ‘Pink Heart Cafe’ in cute lettering. 

I crinkled my nose from the cold air. “What, you don’t like pink?” 

“No, no, I love the color pink actually. It’s just kinda cold out here.” He nodded. 

“Maybe it would be warmed if we held hands... maybe.” 

For the first time, I felt comfortable with someone’s flirtatious comment.

I smirked and hooked my hand with his. I felt my heart beater faster. Much faster. And I loved it. 

I saw him smile widely and hide it with his hair. 

“I’m a lucky guy.” He whispered. 

We walked into the cafe. 

“Hi! Welcome to Pink Heart Cafe, for here or to go?” 

“For here, please.” The woman nodded. 

“Please take a seat. We will come take your order soon.”

We took our seats in the corner, next to the pink fairy lights. I was in love with the aesthetic. 

“Cute place. And fancy it seems, they come take our order at the table.” I sang a bit of Twice’s Fancy. 

“Oh gosh, you love Twice?? Me too!” I shrugged nonchalantly. 

“I mean, I like them, their songs are cute and catchy but I’m not a diehard fan.” 

He frowned. I can change that too. 

I sighed and rolled my eyes dramatically. “Wow, it seems like there are a lot of things you want to change about me. What do you even like about me?” I teased. 

He smiled harder and I noticed a blush on his face. 

“Uhhh, that’s a good question. I like... I like how you’re honest with your emotions. I like how you’re good at photography. I like that you want to become an RA because of the money and--” I gasped and pushed him on the arm.

“That’s not the only reason! Yes... the pay is good, but I like helping people.” 

Our laughter died down as he gazed at me intensely. 

“You like helping people? Tell me more about that.” 

I paused. No one had asked me that before. 

“Um, no one’s asked me that before. I guess I just like to see people happy. I like appealing to people’s emotions and most times, I’m pretty good at making people like me.” I said honestly. I saw his face light up at my words. “And I also want to be a teacher after I graduate, so being an RA would help improve my social skills and teach me how to interact with those younger than me and work through their problems. I don’t know, people say it’s hard and that it can be tough if kids come to you with suicidal thoughts and feelings of anxiety and depression, but I mean, I just want to do it and give back to the community somehow... I don’t know. ” I mumbled off, feeling like I said too much.

His gaze was so serious, I was scared I bored him to death.

He leaned closer to me and I freaked out. I held my breath, waiting for what was next until he spoke. 

“You’re so awesome.” He finally said. 

That... that was surprising.

“Um, thanks?”

“I’m serious! That’s so amazing why you want to be an RA. Honestly, I took up this job because it pays well and I’m good at talking to people, but sometimes I couldn’t care less about my residents. I like how you’re so kind to people.”

I laughed, “I’m not that nice.” 

“Yeah right, you were nice to me the first time we met. And I could’ve been a creepy dude and I almost made you break your camera.” 

“Well, I was nice to you because you are a cute boy.” He choked on his drink at my blunt words. I grew shy all of a sudden and laughed with him. 

“Jesus, give a boy a warning before you say such words.” He was pink in the face and I felt my heart warm. 

“It’s true, you are attractive. But it is also true that I’m not nice. My roommate is irritating the heck out of me and I have to tell myself every time I talk to her to say nice things and not hurt her feelings ‘cause she’s so damn sensitive.” 

He paused for a moment. I was nervous he would think I was a bad person. Which... technically is what I’m trying to convince him of. 

“Wow, you just got ten times nicer.” Now it was my turn to choke on my drink. 

“What? I just told you I have to force myself to be nice to my roommate even though I just want to snap at her all the time.” 

Jihoon leaned back in his chair with a smug look on his face. “Exactly! Most people would’ve just called her a bitch and moved on! Moved out or from what I’ve seen, some girls do mean shit like throwing another girl’s clothes out of her closet or flirting with her boyfriend. You... you just be nice when someone is mean to you.”

“She’s not mean, just rubbing me the wrong way.” Jihoon rolled his eyes.

“See? You are still defending her even though I’m sure she’s putting you through more than other people would take.” 

I shrugged. “I don’t know, most people don’t take me seriously when I talk about it.” 

“Try me.” 

I hesitated at first, but when I saw his open and honest look, I spilled.

“Well, I’m quite an introverted person so I need my alone time. And when I told her, this was actually the night that I met you, um, I told her that I wanted to be alone. And then she invited people over to the room and yes, they left soon, but when I’m in my isolation mood, I just... I just don’t even want to look at people.” 

He stared at me with a curious look so I rambled on. “I know, it’s dumb-”

He placed a gentle hand on top of mine.

“No, that’s not dumb at all. She should’ve respected your words. I would be so mad. Give me more!” He pounded his fist on the table for dramatic effect. 

I felt my heart lighten when he wanted to hear more of my words. I was so used to people ignoring me and brushing over my concerns.

“Uh, well, just... well not just Naeun, my roommate, but some of my friends in the same dorm as me. They are just really judgmental and the negativity just pains me. I don’t like judging others before getting to know them, so hearing them talk bad about random people they don’t know just pains me. And I’m no saint, yes I judge people, but I make sure I talk to them first and get to know them before I make judgments.”

Jihoon smiled. “You keep getting better the more I get to know you. I do the same thing, my friends think I’m crazy when I say ‘hey that dude looks kinda mean and no one likes him, i’ll be friends with him’!” 

My eyes widened. “Oh my god, that’s how I met most of my friends!” 

We laughed as we bad mouthed our friends and the people who have hurt us. 

“Why do you stick with such crappy friends? No offense, you deserve so much better.” 

I shrugged. “I mean, everyone says that to me and truly, I don’t even know. I just feel so connected to them now and they have their good moments-”

“Good moments aren’t enough if they consistently hurt you.”

“I know, I know! I just... maybe I’m not that good of a person then if I stay with them. Like people say, you are who your friends are.” 

“That’s bull, you’re a good person, I know that. And your friends don’t even care to listen to you rant, I can tell I’m the first person you told all this stuff too because you have flames in your eyes. You deserve friends you can trust and are able to rant to. I promise.” 

I bit my lip, thinking of what to say. 

“Thank you, I guess I just think I am helping them by staying with them. I don’t want to hurt their feelings.” 

“Just know that you have me now, and if you ever need to rant or vent or whatever, I’m here for you. You have me now.” 

I felt a wave of emotion wash over me. No one’s ever said that to me before and meant it. I know he meant it, it was written all over his face. 

I nodded slowly, accepting the moment we were having. 

We sat in a moment of silence until the waiter came for the check.

I dug through my pockets to get out the ten dollar bill I stuffed in there. 

“Hah funny,” Jihoon chided when he whipped out his card before I could do anything. I gasped. 

“Ah, Jihoon, I brought money!” 

He tsked and stood when the waiter gave him his card back. “Yeah right, I’d never let a girl pay on the first date, that’s like... illegal.” I rolled my eyes, until I realized what he had just admit.

“Date?” I questioned carefully. 

He looked away from my gaze, like he didn’t mean to say the word. 

“Yes... date. Do you have a problem with that?” 

I grinned.

“Nope.”

[dementedgnomicwizard]

i preplanned those tunnel tweets + made a list of specifically what pictures i wanted and finished making the worms earlier this morning so like i wasnt Winging It at all but it sure felt like it! bc weve only ever gone to the tunnels as a group before, but today the only time i could go was in the 25 minutes before my evening class and no one else was free then so i was like whatever ill just go get my pictures and then to class and it’s fine. so i put my little sandwich baggie full of worms in my pocket and went over to the machinery building, which is where the tunnel entrance is, but the entrance is in the basement and there’s two ways to get into the basement both of which are almost always locked so i was like well i’ll just check and see if either of them are open. and it turned out the freight elevator was allowing trips to the basement so i got in and went down

the freight elevator spits you out in like this really cluttered and fucked-up looking storage basement basically which is where the tunnel entrance is and while the tunnel is dark the basement itself is usually lit by these shitty fluorescents HOWEVER! today when the elevator doors opened it was absolutely completely dark in the entire enormous basement. but at that point i was like i made it over here, i have my worms, i have my photo list, i have time before class, and what are the odds the elevator will be working again, ill just use my flashlight who cares. so i turned my flashlight on and started picking my way through to the tunnel entrance, except i stopped and made a detour to take pics in that little office room because i thought it would sorta look like the room where they found gertrude’s body and i could make a fun joke about it  ANYWAY as i’m coming out of the office room i notice that the stairway door directly across from me is open, which is weird because they’re Never open because they don’t want us to go down there. so i was like, shit, maintenance and/or security are down here and my only way out is the super obvious elevator so ill just wait them out so i like turned my flashlight off and crouched behind a bunch of shit

anyway i just sort of huddled in the dark for a while and soon enough it became clear that no one was actually coming so i took advantage of my proximity to the ground to scatter some worms and take that first worm pic where im pointing. and then i was like okay, might as well get the tunnel bit over with. so the area of the basement where the mouth of the tunnel is is closed off with this big metal fence and there’s like a wire-mesh on the front with a huge padlock only years and years of horrible college students have managed to sort of beat the bottom half of the gate a few inches outwards + compromise its integrity enough that its easy to pull far enough open for someone else to slip through. however my problems today were 1) like i said ive only ever gone with a group before, meaning i’d always had someone to hold the gate open for me, and i had never attempted to get through without assistance before let alone back out and 2) the gate is RIGHT next to the stairs that i mentioned earlier were open when they usually never are. so i stood there for a minute like... okay, say i DO try to get through myself, and i get stuck. OR, say that happens and THEN whoever was working down here comes back and im stuck so i get caught and in trouble.

and then i was like actually fuck it we ball so i like. sort of just got down fully on the ground (which was gross btw do not recommend) and like rolled and twisted and pushed myself around until i wiggled through. that was the moment when i sort of started to accept just how much tunnel dirt i was gonna be covered in by the end but it was so far past too late to back out so i headed into the tunnel entrance. it gets TRULY dark like really really soon after you walk in also like i thought the basement outside was dark because the lights were off but the tunnels are like....  DARK. anyway i stopped halfway down the entry tunnel to try and set up the like “worm door outline” thing from after MAG39 and like initially i had thought that i could figure out an okay way to at least temporarily get them on the wall bc theyre made of latex and super light but it was quickly apparent that that would not be the case so i found a patch of the floor that looked smooth enough to be a wall and set it up on there instead. so i’m like. squatting on the floor in this very dark and kind of gross tunnel, and i have my phone laying on the ground next to me flashlight-side-up so i can see as well as use both hands to dig cold little latex worms out of a sandwich baggie and arrange them in a pattern on the ground and the flashlight was lighting up the tunnel in the most fucked up way and it was dead silent and the WHOLE time i was like, and this is the moment when like a maintenance worker turns the corner and finds me and is just like, hello??? theres some clown playing with worms in the tunnel????

anyway that did not happen and instead i got my little doorway set up and then it was time to take the first pic (of the worm door by itself without me in it) which was when i realized that when i open my camera app my phone forcibly turns the flashlight off so every time i wanted to take a picture in the tunnels i was gonna have to turn my light off and just like chill alone in the pitch dark in a tiny tunnel for however long it took me to take each photo and i was like hm okay wig i guess so i took the door pic and then it took me like four tries to get myself positioned right for the cringe ass fail worms one because, surprisingly, it is difficult to position yourself directly in the center of an archway of worms that you cannot see, and while i was doing all those failed tries i got to spend a lot of time laying splayed out on my back in the dark on the tunnel floor anyway i got it finally so i just sort of kicked the worms to the sides and kept going in further. to get to the pit you have to turn left at the first fork and then take a right and then theres this weird like step? thing? in the middle of the tunnel and if youre me you have to do a super awkward crabwalk limbo step thing to get over it because the pipes on the ceiling above it are hot and the step comes up to like 6 inches below the pipe but also i dont like to touch the top of the step because its gross. so its always a production. this time i think they had worked on that pipe recently or something because it was leaking so the step was wet and the pipe dripped hot water onto my neck while i was crawling under it LMAO

anyway from there its a straight shot and it opens out into this like larger room near the entrance to the engine room and the pit is right at the edge of where the dirt of the tunnel turns into the concrete of the room floor. and theyve like half-covered the top of it in wooden planks but theyre not held down so when you have to step on them just for a second to get out of the tunnel its so nervewracking. theres overhead lights in that room though so that was nice idk if i couldve managed the flashlight-camera-transition in the dark AND one-handed. so i took my from-above tunnel pic and then i was like (checks my photos list) “well...... i did say id get two from inside the pit.” i had actually never been in the pit before because the other two times i’ve gone to the tunnels i’ve been with other people and they would barely even let me get near it let alone get on the ladder. so i was like well i guess there is a first time for everything so i put my phone in my back pocket and ducked under the little yellow chain they have up and started going down the ladder and i got like 8? maybe 10? feet down before i thought to look down again and let me just say..... all the times we had looked into that pit from above we had never guessed anywhere CLOSE to how deep it actually was. thats all. so i was like.... um i was expecting to be able to like, stand on solid ground while i take this pit selfie, but that was clearly not going to be an option, but also i had committed this far already to getting these pics from the pit so i was like ugh i guess and hooked my one arm over the ladder so i could get my phone out w the other hand and take the pics from in there. and then i climbed back out. the ladder rungs made my hands SO gross and dirty with rust i was like eugh eugh.

but after that the only picture left to take was the one w my pen and the only way for me to go was back out towards the entrance so i was like its fine im almost done. so i went back out until i got to the tunnel after the first fork and i was like cool here’s a good a place as any so i got my pen ready + went to get my camera out, and literally RIGHT as the flashlight went out and the camera app opened i was like SO sure i saw something move vaguely in the darkness to my right like REALLY close to me shoulder height so i was like uhhh no and took a flash photo more out of reflex than anything and i didnt see anything but also the flash lit up for like,  one second and then it was dark again so i like switched back to the flashlight really quick and obviously it was just a normal tunnel and i was the only one there so i opened the camera app again to try to take the pic again and literally just like the first time right as the flashlight turned off i was soooo sure something moved right next to me like so close but i was like “nell. youre being insane.” so i didnt do anything and i just took like three more possible variations on the pic i wanted and then i turned my flashlight back on and once again obviously nothing was amiss so i was like epic win and went back out the tunnel entrance. and then i was like............. oh god i have to do the gate squirm again. but there was no other way so i just did it really fast before i could really get worked up about it lol and then i went back over to the freight elevator only when i pressed the button it would light up and then immediately go dark when i unpressed it and i was like oh fuck because 90% of the time when you get in on the ground floor this elevator literally refuses to take you to the basement and i was like oh no it re-locked while i was down here and now i can’t get up this way so im just like in this basement for the foreseeable future but then of course as i was going down that tangent the elevator doors opened and i stepped into the fluorescent light and looked down and was like wow i am just so thoroughly, completely, orangely covered in dirt. but i made it home with like 5 minutes to wash up a bit before my evening class so that was a win! i did learn however that i should never take my evening dose of adderall directly after a bit of minor breaking&entering while the adrenaline is still there because when i got to class i almost jackhammered a hole through the floor with my shakyleg

[hellfire-state-of-mind]

Not Fit to be a Hero

Part 1

Telepath!reader au

Warnings: not any in this chapter (maybe none at all?)

Word Count: 1564

A/N: Ok so I have no idea how long this whole thing is going to be but if I waited until I finished the whole thing and then posted it as one long fic, it would’ve been long enough for me to worry about people wanting to sit and read it (maybe 4-5k, maybe more?) Idk what y’alls preferences are for fic length so yeah I’m just gonna split it up into parts. Like I said, I haven’t finished writing the whole thing but I will (eventually) and there will be more parts. Maybe only like 3 or 4 parts total (I guess like a mini-series).

“Telepaths aren’t inherently evil-” you try again, but the senior hero cuts you off.

“Mind readers aren’t inherently evil,” he says. “Mind controllers are. None of us can trust you when you can force any of us to do anything at any moment.”

“But I wouldn’t-”

“But you could.” Stark’s gaze is hard. You look around at the others gathered behind him- Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Bruce Banner. They all hold the same cold, emotionless expressions. Their decision was final. “We can’t trust you, which means you can’t be a hero. I’m sorry.”

“You can’t trust me? What about her?” You gesture at the small, ginger-haired girl shrinking back from me. Wanda Maximoff. Who you thought was your friend. At least up until now. “We have the same abilities. She could turn on you just as easily as I could. Why trust her and not me?”

“Wanda has already proven her loyalty to the Avengers. You, on the other hand, refused to help the last time we asked you to. So what makes you think we would just welcome you back with open arms this time?”

“I was a kid back then, I was scared! I didn’t know what to do so I ran! How can you decide whether you trust me or not based on what I did when I was 15?”

Tony huffed through his nose. “Alright, I’ve had enough.” He flips the Iron Man mask onto his face and raises his hand at you, his repulsors whining as they charged up. “You have our answer. Now get. Out.”

You look pleadingly at Wanda one last time, but she avoids your gaze. Defeated, you turn and walk to the elevator. The doors open but you don’t enter when you hear Wanda’s voice in your head. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You think back, “It’s not your fault, Wanda. I don’t blame you. But don’t reach out to me. They’ve made it clear what will happen if they see me again.” You walk into the elevator, turn around, and see her look of regret just as the doors close.

-

You enter your tiny apartment, fuming, and slam the door closed with your mind. One chance. That’s all I needed, you think. They wouldn’t give me even one chance to prove myself. I guess one telepath on the team is enough. You throw yourself down on my bed and close your eyes, holding back a scream of frustration. I’ve caused enough trouble today as it is, let’s not add property damage to the list. You think back to your days with HYDRA. The experiments.

They didn’t know what powers you would manifest after using Loki’s scepter on you. When you started presenting as a telepath, Wanda was assigned as your mentor. You trained with her, she taught you everything you needed to know. Only you were stronger. She weaves her magic with her hands. You can crush a grown man’s skull to dust with a single thought. And you have, while training, gauging just how powerful you were. When the Avengers attacked your base, you escaped with Wanda and her brother, Pietro, without a single scratch. Wanda didn’t let you fight like she and Pietro did. She made you run and hide, told you to wait for them to find you. And they did. But the base had been destroyed. The three of you retreated into the city, Sokovia. There, you were recruited by Ultron, a malevolent AI created by none other than Tony Stark; he wanted to wipe out all human life and start Earth’s population anew and to do it, he needed Sokovia. The next time the Avengers attacked, the city was flying thousands of feet in the air. Had it dropped, the impact would’ve killed billions. Wanda and Pietro aided in the evacuation, having abandoned Ultron when you finally learned of his entire plan. You left, too, but left with the evacuees. You ran. Over the years, your psychic link with Wanda had never faltered; you shared in her pain when Pietro died, you felt her remorse when her mission in Lagos went awry. You whispered to her in those times, trying to ease her pain. You often talked through the link. You could see her, she could see you, you could both find out where the other was if you just closed your eyes reached out. But you never saw each other face to face until today.

When you open your eyes again, the sun is rising over New York City. You can hear your next door neighbor bumping around, getting ready for the day. You turn your head and see Avengers Tower directly through your window. The events of yesterday flood your mind and a new wave of fury crashes over you. You stare at the city skyline and the glass in every window in the small apartment shatters. You close your eyes again and sigh. It’s bad enough I don’t actually pay for this place, I’m just squatting here. Someone probably heard that and they’re on their way to investigate. You open your eyes and sit up with a groan. “Well, better be gone before they get here.” As if on cue, there’s the rattling of a key turning a lock and the front door swings open. Soft footsteps pad closer to your room. As soon as their head pokes around the doorway, you lock eyes with them. The landlord. Maintaining eye contact, you slowly approach him as he backs away. You lead him out of the apartment and don’t break your concentration until his head disappears down the staircase. You let out the breath you were holding and rush back into your former home, throw what few belongings you have into your worn duffle bag, and get out, closing the door softly this time. You sprint down the stairs and onto the already busy city sidewalk.

“Y/N, are you okay?” You hear Wanda’s voice whispering in your mind. “Please talk to me.”

“I’m fine,” you reply curtly. You shut out her voice and start walking.

-

“Tony, you should see this.” Steve turns the computer to face him. Tony takes off his safety glasses and reads what’s on the screen.

“ ‘Last night, another crime was solved by the NYPD.’ ” Tony dictates. “ ‘Similar to other cases solved earlier this month, the suspect walked straight into the police department and confessed to his crime.’ I don’t get it, why would he just walk in and confess?”

“Apparently, after his official arrest, he claimed that he was being controlled. That he was forced to confess.”

“What, like threatened?”

“No. Actually controlled. He said he felt like a puppet with someone else moving the strings. He’s not the only one. There have been 5 other cases solved this last month alone, all ending with the suspects just waltzing in and confessing and claiming they were being controlled. No one knows who’s controlling them but whoever it is has been officially named the Puppeteer by the media. Someone even thinks they got a picture of them.” He pulled up a slightly grainy picture of a figure in a mask and dark purple suit.

“Huh,” Tony breathed out. “So, what, you think this Puppeteer could be a potential threat?”

“I’m not sure.” Steve admitted. “I did notice, and I could be completely going out on a limb here, that these things started happening right after that incident with Y/N.”

“The telepath? Wanda’s friend?” Tony tried to remember.

“Yeah, her. Do you think this is something she would do?”

“Yes,” came a voice from behind the two men. Wanda. “It is. All she wanted when she came to see you was a chance to prove that she could help but you didn’t let her. This would be her way of proving herself.”

“You’re absolutely positive this is her?” Tony asked.

“No. She somehow managed to block me out, I can’t see her anymore. I can talk to her, but I have no idea where she is or what she’s doing. But this feels like it’s her.”

“What do you propose we do? If it is her?”

“I...I don’t know. If it is her then we need to be careful how we approach her. If she feels threatened, she’ll fight. And I know her power, she could easily take down all of us and come out of it unharmed.”

“I say before we think about confronting them, we need to decide if Puppeteer is a threat,” Steve chimed in. “If they’re not a threat, then wouldn’t it be best to just leave them alone? From what we’ve seen, they’ve only been doing good. They haven’t hurt anyone-”

“Yet.” Tony cut him off. “They haven’t hurt anyone yet. Telepaths with that level of power are dangerous, they can be unpredictable and if it is Y/N then I think yes, we should consider them a threat.”

“But we don’t know that it’s her. We know it might be but what if it’s just another telepath?” Wanda defended.

“Tell me, Wanda, how many telepaths do we know? Hm? Not just that, how many telepaths do we know are in New York? 2. You and her.” Tony paused. “I think it’s her and I think we need to go after her. I’ll call for a team meeting.” That was all he announced before leaving the room.

[sweetlikekkul]

Day 39

i feel like i should stop counting these days like this bc.... it's gonna be some more. and it's weird. like. weird. the hugs not even the weirdest atm, just. knowing that i still have to stay. and there'd be nowhere to go anyway.

this afternoon i was on a walk and trying to look for a septum ring. but once again i forgot to take a cart in The smallest most crammes shops in the city. and had headphones. so i didnt hear the employees telling me to use a cart. but it's so stupid in there, whew. when my shoulder is less than 10cm away from another person's while passing them in the aisle, but i absolutely need to take the tiny short cart to be more aware of keeping the appropriate distance. yeah right. i am sorry that i always forget and the employees must be so damn annoyed by people like me. but still, that stressed me the fuck out.

and then i went some more walkinh through the park, had an apple in the sun. and got angry at that anti corona measurements picture again, didnt have a pen, again. next time. they already had a "please dont remove Meinungsfreiheit blah blah" lol. yup you're free to say whatever. doesnt mean it cant be dumb.

we had pasta salad today for lunch and i also had it for dinner! but i have to cook tomorrow, but idk what yet. and its nearly 5am. it's gonna be greeeeat. but recently i've been sleeping less again and also felt less tired, so i can just hope i get a good day tomorrow hm.

so i was already awake until about 3am, right. and then i read there is a meteor shower tonight. yup i obv watched some. it's 04:34 and i decided it's enough and i need to sleep. i saw the three biggest shooting stars of my life tho!!!! 1st just on the left side of the window, from top straight down along the side of the window, really bright last part, a perfect aesthetic example of a shooting star. 2nd one across from right to a bit higher on the left, relatively red and foamy looking. 3rd reallyyyy fast, along the top side of the window from right to left just before the corner.

i cried at the 2nd one. and tweeted abt the 1st. this was So worth it, i love stars. i also sent my friend a pic of her fav constellation, aw

oh and the last half hour. i listened to taylor swift bc it was really the mood for it, ...Ready for it? was somehow exceptionally great, idk.

oh and before i listened to lots more bts, the lyrics of songs are just amazing sometimes (and sometimes... not. um.) but i also still love the mango playlist i made after the peach tree rascals recommendation and song radio from last week on slowly. oh, raisin wrote me again! and i am posting lots lots on my 2nd instagram bc.. i feel like the beauty of the pictures calms me maybe? might just be telling that myself bc i want to make me feed better and longer, hm. posting a lot w increasingly weird captions either way.

[bucketofchum]

Alright let’s talk about fun weird concussion dreams

I was at work (with my older sister???) - we work in the same office. She doesn’t know about the assault (nor will she ever), so I show up to work just like normal (just like I did this morning). Oh~ I had forgotten! She had gotten me the fancy privilege of killing the bugs in that one office room (for some reason this is a very high privilege – this was a continuation from a previous dream where I was assigned this task and I couldn’t do it because, if you know, I have a fear of dead bugs and a very strong desire to not cause harm onto any animals - even, or especially bugs). So just the idea of killing these bugs is nauseating.

But apparently what I was supposed to do changed from crushing 6 legged friends with carapaces to salting invasive slugs. And for some reason, I was able to do this. (I also suggested you set out beer - slugs like beer and will end up getting drunk and drowning in it – seems a more pleasant death than desiccating from salt), but it had to be salt. So I went into this office cubicle and went through each of the metal filing racks and salted the slugs I found therein.

I was doing really well and being very productive when suddenly my vision gets blurry, my head gets dizzy, and I’m not really able to think straight or really support myself. (À la what happened irl today at work). Very similar events to actual work happened. Except instead of modeling dose-response curves for certain chemicals, I was salting slugs. And I kept trying to push through and work, but it was getting worse and worse and I was toppling over, and by this point my chest was also constricting. So basically, I’m extremely faint, grasping onto consciousness, but still trying to work because I’m being productive. But @necromilk​ is telling me I need to go home and rest. 

Eventually I get off of work and I somehow get to a mall. I’m a rebel and decide not to lay down and rest and if I don’t tell Cas, they’ll never know. Plus they’re usually busy doing something so it’s not like they’d think to check and make sure. So I’m at this mall for some reason or another, but it’s eerily empty. I grab a shopping cart and walk to level B2 of the parking garage (the mall entrance is on B5). I’m on foot so I can’t just walk up all those levels (also I’m still in not the best condition from my concussion headache meltdown earlier) …but there is an elevator that leads up to B5, but it’s on level B3. That’s fine. I can walk up 1 flight of stairs to get to the elevator.

The elevator has these stairs that lead up to it – like 3 stairs. I get on the stairs and push the up button to open the door. The door doesn’t open and the whole elevator platform – the elevator box and the stairs I’m standing on – fuckin DROP. It’s.. the most terrifying thing ever. I’m not even in the fuckin elevator so I have no supports except like a small meagre handrail that isn’t protective. All I can think is “BUT I PRESSED THE UP BUTTON??? I THOUGHT??” and “Is this how the elevator is supposed to work???”

I’m falling FAST and I’m terrified and in my mind is just “fuck. If this elevator lands in a crash at the bottom my concussion is going to be so much worse. I might get paralysed.” Mind you – not die from the crash from the falling elevator at almost full velocity but just paralysed because my neck will snap. Or something. Idk – this is my logic.

The elevator goes through all 3 B floors and goes into some underground thing. It takes kind of a curve in the fall so it makes a slanted slopey J trajectory to go into some basement room. As the doors open to the basement room, another elevator box comes whizzing out and nearly hits me cuz it’s so close. Turns out they are replacing the elevator I was trying to use with a new one. And they had disconnected my elevator (without telling anyone because the mall garage is super dead around this time and it’s not like anyone uses that one particular elevator anyway) – I find this out in a few minutes.

Finally my elevator stops and I stumble off, nauseated and feeling pretty awful. I’m really shaken up, but I collect myself so I’m moderately presentable to… the two people working in this weird concrete basement room? Laboratory? Technical lab? Idk. One of the girls is a heavy set woman in her mid to late 30s. She’s wearing a top that looks like…scrubs. And her natural hair is pulled back tight in a puff. The other girl is about my age, probably younger – maybe like 22 or so. Or maybe still college aged?? She has a medium to small frame but not very shapely. I think she was Korean. Her voice is very casual (she sounds very college hah) as she asks me questions to figure out what the heck I’m doing here. Her coworker is giving me a look as she goes to close the door.

That’s when I learn that they do the elevator maintenance and that my elevators wires had been cut just hours ago cuz they were gonna replace it. I just had the misfortune of getting on it just when they were taking it down. Somehow, we get onto the topic of Steven Universe???? (Don’t ask idk) – I think she saw a Jasper pic I had drawn. I’m surprised she knows SU, and I show a picture I drew of Lapis and she’s not very impressed. More like “Oh, ugh, bleh.” She’s not a Lapis fan. I try to pretend not to be hurt and don’t tell her that Lapis is my all time fave and I just show her more secretly stashed pics I have of Jasper sketches (idk why I had never posted them anywhere – that’s why they are secret). 

We end up making out (the other elevator worker is off doing actual work and seems used to her younger coworker dicking around and being inefficient – she rolls her eyes, unimpressed, and sighs). I’m honestly stoked about the way this weird adventure turned out. Definitely didn’t let on that I was recovering from a concussion and an attack – because why would I? that’s not relevant information, and it turned out alright here – I didn’t crash, hah. And I didn’t want to weird this girl out idk. I just get excited when I meet people irl who also like SU hahaha.

Anyhow, eventually the two let me out of their concrete basement lab and I head off and out.

[Insert REALLY REALLY WEIRD SEGMENT where I am in the desert in Egypt outside a desert museum with some white traveler (idk why that is a profession but it’s a very white profession) and he’s telling me all about the mineral content in the very ferrous puddle of water in front of the museum. I already know this cuz dude I have a fucking degree in it, but I nod to let him know that he’s teaching me interesting things. He goes into the museum for the bathroom, and comes out to tell me more about the water in this country – eugh, again, I know – and he brags about how everyone else is waiting in line to get clean water but he’ll just use this puddle right here. I expected him to pull out a lifestraw and just straight up drink the incredibly hard water that is probably really dirty as well, but he uses it to wash his gross post-poop hands and I’m even more appalled. The limited clean water in my country and he fucking washes his poop hands in this natural puddle.]

Apparently this Egypt segment was just… the interim between when that Korean girl was working and when she got off work. The museum turns out to be a movie theatre and I go in to meet her. (I guess like a date?) But?? Apparently not?? Because she has a boyfriend who is inexplicably shirtless in this movie theatre (he’s the only one without a shirt on, and his toned pale abs are very visible in the dark setting) and she happily sits on his lap and gives him a kiss before heading off to get them some popcorn or snacks and I’m?? kind of bewildered. But also like damn okay. Hm.

Then @syntaxeme somehow is around, being the ever present, well grounded practical advice giver of a friend that she is and lets me know not to get attached – “She’s got a boyfriend.” “Who is shirtless, yeah I know. And really muscular.” “Oh, you saw him?” “Yeah.” Anyhow, Sara just lets me know what sort of thing I can expect from this girl, and idk honestly why I felt so let down haha, but also I’m like yeah – that makes sense. She’s got this manly, decently built Korean boyfriend, and that makes sense.

And…that was it. Hah.

[pinkorbing]

@tartaricacid The meaning behind my url: anti radiohead A picture of me: maybe How many tattoos i have and what they are: none Last time i cried and why: a couple days ago. i was feeling really sad and mikayla let me sleepover and i cried in her big chair after she fell asleep because i was so grateful (scratch that. just now thinking about that) Piercings i have: nonee im a chicken Favorite band: the beatles Biggest turn offs: idk Top 5 (insert subject): ?? Tattoos i want: i want sleeves! and they will probably be just random stuff. i know i wnat a rose though because thats what my grandma had. maybe in the same location i dont know yet Biggest turn ons: ?? Age: 17 Ideas of a perfect date: dating is weird and scary Life goal: just learn how to take stuff a day at a time. i always feel so rushed like im running out of time. id like to learn how to slow it down Piercings i want: eyebrow Relationship status: eugh Favorite movie: spiderman homecoming A fact about my life: i am scared! and nothing is set in stone Phobia: the dark Middle name: elliot Height: 5'5" Are you a virgin? hmmm What’s your shoe size? mens 6 What’s your sexual orientation? pan Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs? no Someone you miss: i dont know What’s one thing you regret? not saying how i feel or what i mean. but like that still goes on today First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: i cant think of any Favorite ice cream? coffee One insecurity: my teeth What my last text message says: "not sure" Have you ever taken a picture naked? not my lower half, but my chest yea just cuz i was feeling myself no one saw it ever Have you ever painted your room? yea Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? no Have you ever slept naked? yea Have you ever danced in front of your mirror? yea Have you ever had a crush? yea Have you ever been dumped? yea Have you ever stole money from a friend? nope Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? yea Have you ever been in a fist fight? nope Have you ever snuck out of your house? yea. just to cry in the grass in my backyard at night though Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? yea Have you ever been arrested? nope Have you ever made out with a stranger? nope Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? yea Have you ever left your house without telling your parents? constantly Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor? yea Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun? i dont think so. i only ever skip school when my anxiety is super bad Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? yea Have you ever seen someone die? no Have you ever been on a plane? yea Have you ever kissed a picture? nope Have you ever slept in until 3? yea not recently though. ive been waking up at 7 am Have you ever love someone or miss someone right now? these are two different questions? but yea Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yea Have you ever made a snow angel? yea Have you ever played dress up? yea Have you ever cheated while playing a game? yea Have you ever been lonely? hm it is only my go to mood Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school? nope Have you ever been to a club? i was in art club in jr. high Have you ever felt an earthquake? nope Have you ever touched a snake? probably Have you ever ran a red light? nope Have you ever been suspended from school? nope Have you ever had detention? i didnt have detention, but i went to hang out with jen Have you ever been in a car accident? nope Have you ever hated the way you look? yea Have you ever witnessed a crime? nope Have you ever pole danced? nope Have you ever been lost? yea Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country? nope Have you ever felt like dying? yea its not fun its really scary actually Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? yea Have you ever sang karaoke? yea Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? yea Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? yea one time my mom made me laugh when i was eating sugar snap peas and i laughed and i had peas stuck in my sinuses for over an hour it sucked Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger? nope Have you ever kissed in the rain? i wish? Have you ever sang in the shower? yea Have you ever made out in a park? nope Have you ever dream that you married someone? not like sleep dreaming, but day dreaming yea Have you ever glued your hand to something? nope Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? nope Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked? nope Have you ever been a cheerleader? nope Have you ever sat on a roof top? yea with jen. she brought her guitar up there and everything Have you ever brush your teeth? sometimes Have you ever ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? yea the only times ive watched scary movies is with other people Have you ever played chicken? yea Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? nope Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? yea its weird Have you ever broken a bone? nope. my hip was out of place when i was born though Have you ever been easily amused? yea thats me in a nutshell Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? oh yea Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? nope Have you ever cheated on a test? yea all throughout my math class Have you ever forgotten someone’s name? yea Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real? yea Give us one thing about you that no one knows. hm this question thing made me dissociate good nigt

[youtubexreader]

i n s e c u r e // aleks x punk/emo!reader

Hey, sorry I haven't posted an imagine since dec 25th 2015. (Yikes) I can't thank this person enough for reaching out and letting me know what they thought of my work, if it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't have posted anymore, but I really cracked down on myself to focus on things I love doing, and that being writing for you guys. (Also I'm sorry it took so so long to finish and post this, the request was fun to write- I just have been continuously been getting non-stop, back to back, extremely sick out of nowhere and also for things I don't think I could have prevented- it has been a really rough time for me and I've been under a lot of stress and pressure for my age.) hopefully it's somewhat good or moderately enjoyable, ESPECIALLY for the AMAZING AND RAD REQUESTER ILYSSSSM Much love as always! Keep sending in requests, and share your thoughts! / reblog to share the luhv of ff <333 Xx. !request: “ Thank you so much!!! Could i please have an Aleks x Punk/Emo Reader please? I dont mind what i will let you choose Again i love your work ❤️❤️❤️ ” (again thank you to the person who requested this, I didn't know if you were comfortable or not with your blog being directly @'ted. Regardless! Much love to you, thank you for your amazing amazing amazing support and incredible patience!) Warnings(ish idk??): swearing, slight sexual themes, self esteem issues. ((sorry I don't know how to actually do posts with cuts in them/posting without good formatting, I'm still using mobile.)) - - - - - "Thanks for the ride-" he started, but you cut him off with a "don't mention it-". You pulled out of the driveway of aleks' house and made your way to the 'boonies', not with much excitement. It was just early enough with the time change to need a pair of shades. 'Sonofa-' and with that, you realized you left yours on your kitchen counter. 'Great' you thought, thinking you'd be able to look decent and have everything together so this wouldn't have to be a more agonizing ride than it was planned out to be. But clearly that wasn't going to happen. It was agonizing because of your own mind. It was making this 'internship' harder than it should. Constantly having to deal with an overwhelming amount of editing, filming, and have a cute colleague drive your blood pressure through the roof whenever they're around was really bringing you to the brink of insanity. "So." He started "You're different." Just that half of a statement made you want to jump out of the car. You didn't want to play this game; the whole 'get to know why she acts that way', 'dresses this and that way', 'simply breathes that way'. It was crystal clear to say the least, that in your mind he's way out of your league. There's no reason for him to try to get to know you? What's he pushing this for? Just to be a dick to the dumb intern? All of these thoughts running faster and faster, only adding to your groggy state. Your knuckles were practically white from your grip on the wheel. Somehow, Aleks noticed that. You can feel his eyes on your hands, so you try to ease up. But he'll never seem to make things easy. "Uu-h yeah, I guess.-" trailing off, Aleks still had his eyes set on you. "I mean not in a bad way- oh god..." sighing in defeat almost, letting his head fall back on the headrest as if he had a migraine or broke his great grandmother's fine china. "It's fine, I get it." You replied simply, trying your hardest to not fall into your insecurities. Whatever he saw that was "different" made you worry. What was it exactly? The band tees, the consistent hair dye changes, the piercings, the stacked amount of bracelets on your arms of random ones you've come across, and ones with your favorite band's logos on them? As soon as the car was parked, you hopped out, grabbing your bag and heading towards the barn while hitting the lock button on your keys as soon as you heard aleks' door close. 'Please ease up- just today?' You mentally bargained with Christ. He's probably too busy, and that leaves you with the one and only Satan. He didn't even know he was doing this to you, and you'd figured that was possible but just had found it easier to believe he did it on purpose. Aleks was at his desk, which was facing yours, just humming and doing the random subconscious things he always does. Persona pushed aside, he had so many features that were meant to be framed in an art museum. When he's concentrating, he always wrinkles his forehead and rests his chin on his hand. Both of you had been stuck with editing a lot more than usual, and James had something to do so he left early. The quiet background music you had playing on another tab ended, you didn't bother with putting on another song, you were so close to finishing the last couple post-rolls. Aleks was still in front of you, probably almost done too- you just stared at your screen till you heard him start quietly saying something in Russian. He was so out of it- If someone was just walking in it would seem like it was just you watching carefully, as if you knew what he was saying. But really, it was you distracted completely by him slowly gliding his tongue across his bottom lip and biting down on it out of habit. The sound of his feet shifting across the cold floor made you look back at your screen, but his voice- whatever he was saying, you had no clue. But it was hot as fuck, yet also so soothing. Letting your head rest on your hand you instinctively let your eyes rest as well. You've never breathed deeper than in that moment. "y/n?" He carefully whispered, looking across the desk to see you, looking peaceful and completely at ease. His breath was stuck in his throat instantly. He would've taken a picture of you so he could remember what you looked like when you're not tense and stressed but your eyes quickly opened. "You look tired as hell, if you have more post-rolls left I don't mind finishing them for you tomorrow." He said almost in a whisper; like he was afraid of bothering you. "Hmn-? Oh! N-no, I was finished a little bit ago, I must've dosed off." "You look like you chugged a bottle of zquil, y/n..." Eyebrows raised and all, you realized that you were indeed the most tired you've ever felt, Lack of sleep to be the blame- the third night without sleep to be exact. "You can call shotgun, I'll drive. C'mon, it's the least I can do. Besides paying for gas money until I can get my car done." He continued giving you hopeful brown eyes that you were quick to avoid. You were easily convinced to say the least. How could you not be? "Fine, I guess..." you said grabbing your jean jacket and backpack. Quickly turning off lights and set ups, you both walked out and locked the door in a slight hurry, the temperature dropped, no surprise. Keys in one hand you passed them to him, your hands briefly touching. "Hope you know how to drive a stick shift." You said hoping he couldn't see your flushed cheeks as you strolled slyly over to the passenger side keeping your eyes down. Quickly hopping in, you rubbed your arms up and down trying to create some warmth. He chuckled, his breath visible in the cold air. 'I'm so fucked' you thought. "Hm?" Aleks murmured stopping what he was doing and staring directly at you. "What? Did I say something?" You asked, trying so hardly to play it off. "Well, I guess not-" he looked back down with a smirk and turned the keys igniting the engine. "Do you have an aux cord?" He asked "Uh no..." "Do you always just drive in quiet?" He pressed. "Ha, no!? I just have a lot of uh..." squeezing your eyes shut to avoid getting worked up. 'CDs, y/n?! Just say you are an avid CD collector because you deeply appreciate your emo phase and the bands that had been apart of it!' You thought. 'Stop being such a baby!' Your conscious scolded. You wanted to curl up in a ball. There's no way to avoid it anymore, you sold yourself to the devil when you listened to 'I don't love you', by my chemical romance. You'd rather be in a passenger seat with your worst ex right now rather than deal with his judgement. "Oh! You have cds? Are they in the console? Dude, that's so sick! I have a ton of cds too!" He exclaimed with a childish but sincere excitement. Every single word flew over your head. He began to lift up your console that was stashed full of your life's collection of ridiculous cds, special edition copies, ep's. Oh god... As he scooted your elbow off of it and went on to open it, you inhaled and let your head fall against the window. 'FUCKFUCKFUCK-' you screamed repeatedly over and over in your head, but you were stopped by the sound of the console quickly closing. "I'm so stupid," he muttered, letting out a sigh. "Just- uh, get comfortable and shit, and uh try and sleep- that was my reason for driving you-" he spoke almost mad. His previous excitement completely gone. Just a douchey outer shell of a content creator you used to admire. Maybe he really isn't the way you thought he was, that cute, rowdy, and funny personality who would give even a weirdo like you a chance. Or even a friendship. "Aleks, you really don't need to! I'm okay, really, you look much more tired-" you stopped when you saw his stare saying all too much. "Okay, fine. I'll try and sleep." You groaned turning on your side facing the window as best as you could. Your hood helped a lot, but still it was cold as heck. You drifted off quickly, the last thing you remember seeing was rain drops rolling down the window. "You call the shots babe, I just wanna be yours, secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought, maybe I just wanna be yours, I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours, wanna be yours, wanna be yours, wanna be yours..." your eyes blinked open slowly trying to reassess what's happening. You see the familiar street lamps passing by and you slowly breathe again, happy to almost be home. You smiled at the realization that Aleks had been singing the entire time, and it definitely wasn't the radio, no one has played this since it was big only meaning he went through your cd stash. His voice distracted you, making your stomach giddy like it does when you're on a trampoline, not knowing how high up you're going, and the unknowing feeling of when you're going to catch ground, over and over. Finally the car was parked, ignition turned off. And a tired Aleks gently rubbed your arm up and down in an attempt to bring you back to consciousness, although you definitely already were. You also realized the familiar fabric laying over you; it was his jacket. Your heart melting, you attempted to fake stirring in your sleep, not giving up the act that easily. An audible sigh was heard from your left, Then the obvious jingling of keys, and then another sigh. "y/n/n, What's wrong?" He asked out loud. Him calling you by your nickname hit you in your gut. No one does that. "Huh?" You asked, pretty confused. "Why do you always do shit to push me away?" Now he had your full attention. "What are?-" "No!" He loudly stopped you. What's happening with him? "Why do you always push me away?" He asked again while attempting to keep you in your seat with his awfully harsh eyes glaring into your own. "What the fuck Aleksandr?" You pushed yourself up grabbing the door handle and seeing he purposely locked the door. Great. "I- I just want to know why, you won't ever talk to me normally, you can barely tolerate a drive with me? What's your fucking deal?!" He was yelling too loud for you to even think. Your fingers pulling at your roots out of frustration. Not even feeling the pain it was causing to your head. "Have you never felt insecure, aleks? You don't get it! Why the fuck do you care anyways?! Just so you can hear someone say how much they like you? Or how much better you are than them?-" by now tears tinted black were streaming down your face uncontrollably. All the pent up frustration and feelings were unveiled and put on show like a trophy case. If you weren't so sleep deprived and out of your head you'd shut up by now. "You know what? Tomorrow, I'll just turn in my r-" With no warning, and ridiculous speed, he had his hand impatiently bringing your face to his, he let his other hand take your chin, tilting it up towards his soft and smooth lips. He didn't bother being polite or delicate, he was just as pissed off at you for no clear reason too. He made sure to let you know that- he wasn't easing up, and you couldn't care less. His lips were saying things that words never could, but in sync, as if you completely were on the same page. He'd bite down on your bottom lip harshly and use his teeth to pull on it, then suck on it again and again until you'd moan uncomfortably. Groaning he grabbed your hips and managed to sit you on his lap while not leaving your mouth alone. You impatiently kissed and bit all along his jaw, the smell of his aftershave burning through you, watching his head tilt back and eyebrows furrow. His hands weaving in your hair, pulling slightly, continuously panting against your mouth as he let your weight fall against him, foreheads resting on another. Your skin was dotted with bruised and pulsing teeth marks. His pale skin practically mirrored yours. "Ah f-fuck y/n-" he moaned in your ear, tightening his hold on you. He shifted in the seat from under you trying to get you to stop subconsciously writhing your hips back and forth, not doing anything other than holding you tighter, and letting his head fall into your neck when you'd stilled finally getting the message. He clearly was trying to control himself, he wouldn't take advantage of this; no matter how much he enjoyed being under you. "y/n? Can I take you to your room? Not like to fuck! But to sleep with- shit, next to you?" He asked, eyes rolled back. "Yes- yes, please... Are you okay, Aleks? I'll get off of you-" "Ah. No, fuck- just don't move for a second babygirl, okay?" He hissed grabbing your hips as you arched yourself forward. Smirking, you nodded in his neck, though the nickname he gave you just made you want to do your worst, he probably hadn't even realized he said that, but damn. You breathed heavily and stayed as still as you could so he could catch his breath. Soon enough he finally got out of the car, and swiftly picked you up, not without kissing you harshly on your lips, before picking you and his backpack up, and made his way to your bedroom. He laid you down softly, and set his backpack down, taking of his shirt and jeans in the process as you did somewhat the same. He made his way around the bed and crawled under your covers, his needy hands reaching out for your sides to embrace, you could feel how easy it was to reciprocate his feelings. Which you did. He pulled you tightly flushed against him, his cold fingertips tracing up your sensitive sides with his head resting into your neck and hair. Any movement would probably just grind on him- which was fun, but both of you were so content being just like this, it could wait till morning. Never thinking you'd be in the same bed as him washed over you, and his cold breath and movements, it was hard to close your eyes from trying to burn the mental picture of him. He looked so peaceful and worry free. His arms tied around your back as his chest became the best pillow you'd ever had. Getting to stare at his tattoos felt like a blessing. Tracing the outlines of some and relaxing to the feeling of his breathing was something you can't help but want to be able to do forever. Occasionally while admiring his entire being a kiss would be planted here and there on his chest. This went on till he moaned and slowly opened his brown eyes to only be a couple inches from yours. He trailed his hand ever so slowly up the outside of your left leg to pull it up on his waist. Feeling every part of him as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest and letting his lips dwell all over. "y/n?" he asked in a rough voice, "Why didn't you want me to look in the console?" He softly asked "…well, it's just embarrassing. I don't want you to see my cds and shit because I know you would hate me even more and peg me as some punk ass if you saw how many band posters I have-" "Wait- you think I hate you? y/n, of all things to get insecure about- your music taste is nothing that you should be paranoid about." He said leaning on his elbow looking down at you "I love a lot of the same bands you do- I just thought I'd look like a tool if I walked up to you and sounded like a dick only talking to you about one band on your shirt. I'd been wanting to ask you out- I just didn't have the balls to make a move till last night..." His sentence was cut short by your mouth on his, stopping his banter of self consciousness made you understand how ridiculous your own was. It was definitely reassuring to hear him say that he did like your He sat on top of you quickly, to whisper "my taste in music iS YOUR FACE!-" as loud as he could, which in turn, started a pillow fight of attempting to suffocate each other with a pillow. Also making you both late for work, let's just say you regret not having time to put makeup over the bruises that littered your neck. You two would never hear the end of that.

[crotchapple]

All of the questions 🖤

Mother fu- 

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?Yes

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?Never been on a date so no

3. Have you taken someones virginity?Nope

4. Is trust a big issue for you?Semi-big

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?One of them yes

6. What are you excited for?My Bi-pride and band patches to come in so I can put them on my flannel

7. What happened tonight?I had tuna and watched YouTube

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?Nah

9. Is confidence cute?Yes

10. What is the last beverage you had?A pumpkin spice frap because I’m a basic bitch

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?I trust girls and NB people way more than guys

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?No I like having my testicles in working condition

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?Work then drink

14. What are you going to spend money on next?If I don’t buy another bottle of whiskey it’ll probably be more patches

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?Never been kissed, never went out with someone

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?God I hope so

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?Riley and Taylor (but I’ve been talking to Anika and Tay a lot too)

18. The last time you felt broken?about 10 minutes ago

19. Have you had sex today?Never

20. Are you starting to realize anything?Probably gonna die alone

21. Are you in a good mood?Meh it’s neutral right now

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?Not really

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?Yes

24. What do you want right this second?Can I get a fuckin uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................... Nintendo Switch

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?Probably nothing since I don’t have a chance with them anyway lol

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?Yup

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?Possibly... I mean it’s nice but not a definite requirement

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?Let’s Play - Minecraft Episode 84: Capture the Tower X

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?Yes

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?Not everyone since a lot of shit is inexcusable

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?That would be my brother so nah

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?Doubt it

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?Hell nah

34. Listening to?Let’s Play - Fuel

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?All the time when I play DnD

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?No because I can’t see the future

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?Yes

38. Who did you last call?My stepdad

39. Who was the last person you danced with?Myself

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?I didn’t

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?Idk a while ago

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?Yes

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?Constantly, everything I do is an embarrassment

44. Do you tan in the nude?Nope

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?Sure

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?Haven’t done that in a while

47. Who was the last person to call you?My dad

48. Do you sing in the shower?All the time

49. Do you dance in the car?Occasionally

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?Yes

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?High School

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?Yes but that’s why they’re awesome

53. Is Christmas stressful?The older I get the more stressful they are

54. Ever eat a pierogi?Sadly no, my grandma stopped cooking them when I was young

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?Apple pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?Earliest one I can think of is stay at home dad. Also wanted to be an astronaut and an archaeologist

57. Do you believe in ghosts?Not really but I still don’t fuck around with paranormal shit

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?Yes

59. Take a vitamin daily?Nope

60. Wear slippers?Nope

61. Wear a bath robe?Nope

62. What do you wear to bed?My boxers or my birthday suit

63. First concert?AC/DC

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?Wal-Mart

65. Nike or Adidas?Vans

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?Fritos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?Peanuts

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?Fuck Taylor Swift

69. Ever take dance lessons?Nope

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?Not really

72. Ever won a spelling bee?Nope

71. Can you curl your tongue?Yes

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?Yes

74. What is your favorite book?The Hobbit, I’ve read that book like 30 times

75. Do you study better with or without music?With

76. Regularly burn incense?I don’t but my brother does and I fucking hate it

77. Ever been in love?Yes

78. Who would you like to see in concert?Green Day

79. What was the last concert you saw?Kiss and Motley Crue

80. Hot tea or cold tea?Both

81. Tea or coffee?Tea

82. Favorite type of cookie?Oatmeal raisin

83. Can you swim well?Fairly

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?Are there people who can’t?

85. Are you patient?Semi

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?Hm... Guess a band

87. Ever won a contest?Nope

88. Ever have plastic surgery?Nope

89. Which are better black or green olives?Black olives

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?I mean if you meet someone you wanna fuck, wants to fuck you, and have the opportunity to do so go for it

91. Best room for a fireplace?Living room

92. Do you want to get married?Yes, very much so