#idk i probably won't get to him any time soon though i'm being too much of a perfectionist and spending way too much time on each doodle

[account-name]

idk if i'll end up with anything nice enough to post but i am finally out of art block for now and am working on redesigning my designs of the trio

[doubleddenden]

The new trailer was interesting. It did the thing I didn't really want it to do by spoiling story related stuff and not reveal the actual new Pokémon we're missing, but for what it's worth it seems like the story will be pretty content heavy. Let's look at some screens I took and speculate on some stuff: and a friendly reminder that nothing I say here has any bearing on leaks that are possibly out there, so if I guess anything in the future, it was just a guess:

This crystal tree is pretty suspicious. Like first of all, this appears even DEEPER into Area Zero than we've been before, assuming. Did something or someone plant it here? Is it the remains of an underground world? Could it possibly be related to a legendary? Not to mention the FULL crystallization of the tree, vs the partial crystallization of the trees up top. It's definitely not safe to be here for long.

Next, Z move pose! BBA is off the coast of Unova, but there's a lot of Alola rep here. I wonder if they're doing this because Bank will shut down soon and this will be where they want us to get Alola forms for the next 5 ish years before they discontinue Switch online services?

Next, this is Crispin and what appears to be proof the BBE4 won't be restricted to singular types. My friend pointed out that this could possibly be a sun team with Exeggcutor there. Wonder why they opted for Kanto when Alolan is there? (I mean besides Kanto being why).

Next, the reveal of, WHOA WHODA THUNK, Champion? Corrupted Kieran anyway. I made a post a few months back when they showed off this guy from the neck down and made the prediction he'd be champion- that's not entirely confirmed just yet, but it does seem to be pointing in that direction. It's not really that much of a W because GF can be very predictable with their writing.

Anyway he looks heavily corrupted- YEAH LETS GO VILLAIN ARC!!!! His hair is fully purple now- honestly I'd have preferred it with black like before, but it's probably symbolic of his corruption. My friend even pointed out his hair kinda looks like the Toxic Chains the Loyal Three have- theory time, whatever gave them the chain is also corrupting Kieran because look at him. No light left in those eyes. Just rage. Fun :D

Next we have this- I assume it's Penny or Mela tbh, because I saw from a ways back where it seems like Team Star's Giacomo has reintegrated into Naranja/Uva Academy. Maybe Penny has stopped dying her hair and grew it out or Mela is being super proper now or something. Could also be a completely unrelated character.

Lastly for major story stuff, this is cool poster material. Kieran's rage or possibly fear of Terapagos, Carmine's worry for her brother, Briar... I mean come on, she's a villain in waiting, look at her face. Idk if I'm too quick to claim Terapagos is evil though, because the anime has firmly planted him in Just A Little Guy territory and I don't think they'd want to ruin that image considering they've been in charge of hyping him up since Horizons first started.

But yeah, the culmination of everything we've been through in one image. Kinda exciting.

Oh, and just some small tin foil hat pics

It's odd that they paired these trios together to me. Pokémon loves sprinkling breadcrumbs to tease at future projects, and these could pass for potential Legends starter trios.

But not for Unova.

Tepig and Snivy are the odd ones out here because it'd be kinda dumb to re use Unova starters for a Legends Unova game- now for Johto? Squirtle, Treeko, and Tepig COULD work, but Squirtle is also pretty close to home.

If I'm being real, this is probably nothing and just meant to highlight the starters across different generations coming home, with Tepig and Snivy being stand outs because this will be their first time being available on the Switch. Ever.

Other notable things I didn't screenshot:

BQs: basically side quests.

Synchronization? I guess? We can actually control a Pokémon. Conspiracy brain wants to say this is alluding to something, but I'm unsure. It's at least kind of neat because this has been a topic of various NPCs in the series for years. Those were probably just alluding to Mystery Dungeon games, but when Game Freak does something like this in DLC, it could hint at a future mechanic or possibly a feature in a future game.

Legendaries returning: I'm gonna be real, I'm not really all that excited by the prospect of yet another Legendary Bargain Sale that they've been doing since ORAS at this point. ORAS, USUM, Crown Tundra, and now Indigo Disk. At this point the legendaries are more common and accessible than some common pokemon like Furfrou or the elemental monkeys.

What's interesting to note are a couple of things:

1. DLC pokemon from SwSh are here too, including Kubfu. That's interesting, I wonder how it will evolve considering we needed the two towers in IoA last time? An NPC from the dojo?

2. Boi if you thought I wasn't gonna talk about the Unovan dragons- they didn't HAVE to single them out like that! They didn't have to. They did, though. I'm pretty sure we all know their next projects.

You may be saying "but it's too fast!" And I agree. They need to stop rushing things and take their time, but we all know they won't. All we can do is hope they actually try this time.

Anyways that was the last trailer for Indigo Disk. Maybe it's my severe depression talking, but I'm actually excited for Indigo Disk. It looks very content heavy and a bit prettier to look at than before. I hope it runs okay- I mean it won't, but I still hope it. I also hope this isn't as quick as Teal Mask was.

1 week lefts, bois

[jiminiepabo]

BTS As Your Best Friends

I was feeling inspired by my BTS As Your Boyfriend series, and I wanted to give yall a cute little friend moment! 💕

Comtains: Fluff, that's about it lmao

This is only with the maknaes, but the others will come soon!

°+~♡~+°

Jungkook-

THIS MAN....

Devious asf 💀💅

He actually will not shut his fucking mouth, bro will call you up at 4 in the morning to talk to you about how his day went

Lowkey invites himself to your place unapologetically

Very juvenile, in a good way. Like sleepovers with snacks and movies and pillow forts

THE GOSSIP KING 👑

And he will fill you in on all the bangtan tea

He's the type to make pinky promises not to tell after he talks hella shit abt someone 💀

Not that he talks hella shit that much, but the occasion that it happens, expect a lot to come out of his mouth.

Very good listener tho, if you actually have an issue, he's gonna be there for you

Definitely tells you way too much about his dating life...

He also falls asleep on you, so get used to it. he's an affectionate bitch, what can he say? And with all the sleepovers yall are having, he can't help it

Okay but tell me why I think he'd love playing hair salon with you 👀

One of his downsides as a friend is that he's a fucking celebrity and has a shit ton of other people to interact with and other places to go

So don't expect too much from the poor guy, he's got a lot on his plate.

Recently we found out that he vapes, so he for sure needs a vape buddy

ALSO

He is SO GOOD at dating advice

Whoever you're into, he will be right there planning your wedding on a pinterest board.

Expect lots of singing in the car

In all, jaykay is fucking hyper but he's a great bestie to have

Taehyung-

Tae is your deep ass convo kinda guy

Like yeah, he's fun asf, but damn he's just built to talk about deep shit with you

If any of these friendships are likely to turn into relationships, it's gonna be with Tae

He just loves love 😭

And honestly, as he should

And I'm not saying that you return the feelings, but you are the one reading a Bts imagine on tumblr... 🤷‍♀️

Besides the fact that he lowkey has a crush on you, you'll probably be at his house more than your own

I can see him just talking and talking for hours on end with his bestie while you chill on the couch with a TV show playing in the background

Probably has a cute nickname for you

Like if you're short, he calls you shorty. And if your cute, he calls you cutie.

IDK MAN IM BAD AT THIS 💀💀💀

But he'll come up with something cute

Your contact name in his phone will probably be something along the lines of "my wife" or "wifey"

Or smth stupid like that just bc he likes you 💀

And he won't tell anyone either, he just unironically talks about you all the time, nothing suspicious 👀

Expect chaos when he's drunk tho

He goes WILD

It's fun though, seeing him being smiley and not contemplating the complexities of life to you

Your man is weird asf but you gotta love him

Jimin-

Someone needs to calm him down and give him a massage or smth

Because when I tell you...

JIMIN IS THE FLIRTIEST HOE EVER

He doesn't even like you, it's just jimin being jimin

Very sweet tho 🥺

He seems kinda awkward about giving advice bc he doesn't know exactly what to say, but he'll listen really good

Also, no offense to jimin, but he's a mess.

He's so caring that he likes someone new every other day istg

And he'll tell you all about it and it's the cutest thing ever watching him have so much love for so many people

May or may not have mid-life crises during the night and come over to drink alcohol and pour his heart out to you

He's a people pleaser so be a good friend and encourage him or compliment him a lot

He will most likely flirt with you in return but it secretly makes him feel reassured so just take one for the team

Probably will give you fashion advice tbh

And he's an icon so you let him do his thing

I think he'd like doing things like drawing or painting or dancing as an activity with you

Like it's fun to do, but it's quiet enough for him to talk about his problems

This is so sad but I feel like he projects a very happy image but he doesn't always feel it inside

He may struggle with self image and dependence on others

So he needs you to be his anchor to hold him down and tell him he'll be alright

And he'll do the same for you, don't worry.

°+~♡~+°

Hope you enjoyed! The hyung line version is coming soon! 💕

My requests are open 😘

[kyouka-supremacy]

Any predictions on what is going to happen in and after this arc?

I don't think I'm very good at predictions (╥﹏╥) I really can't guess what's Dostoyevsky's deal, but if else, that makes following the current manga events all the more exciting! Again, by the looks of it we're going to find out the backstory of a character that was first introduced in 2013, so reading the last chapter was a real “whoa” moment for me. As for the guesses I can take, it really doesn't go much further than:

Whatever is going on in the last chapter between Dostoyevsky and Bram is probably going to lead to Bram's demise as it was shown in chapter 102.

I think there's likely some connection between the scars (?) on Bram's face and the way medieval Dostoyevsky displayed an analogous one in the last chapter, because they're too similar to be put there randomly.

Something I haven't seen being brought up is the possibility of Dostoyevsky being able to time travel rather than be eternal, which even though doesn't feel like the most convincing explanation, I feel like it's too soon to fully exclude either?

Jokes aside, I don't think Akutagawa has any real chance to play a role in this, because it's evidently something that's happened in the past. And though the author looves time traveling shenanigans, that feels a bit of a stretch. Although the last attire we saw Akutagawa in did resemble a medieval aesthetic, so who knows if he doesn't have some other kind of connection to the events…

But I DO feel like the change in appearance must be telling of some new alliance. Likely something from Europe. We know the author is probably going to move the focus to European authors next, they already seemed to suggest so in an interview, and if God allows it it's finally going to be time for Agatha and the Order of the Clock Tower.

I. Idk. Have been growing an underlying suspicion that the 2-hours-later sskk scene is going to be a spinoff movie to come some time in the future. It's going to feature time traveling shenanigans (see the very limited timeframe skip) and Fukuchi coming back in a new weird form and sskk getting their rematch with him I have been saying they narratively deserve. Overall it's something that won't be covered by the manga à la Dead Apple, standalone and that can be skipped past. It does make sense marketing wise because it'll be years before the manga will have released enough content for another anime season, and given that the bsd franchise is comparatively very popular right now, I highly doubt they'll let the hype slowly die– that's also why I'm waiting for the announcement of a new Wan anime season any day now. I've said before it doesn't look like we're getting the cool sskk scene in the manga soon, and that it most likely solved the purpose of a teaser for the next arc for various reasons; the last chapter seemingly skipping past it seems now to confirm that. The very high quality of the animation of that scene in the anime might be a further hint in the movie direction, to be honest. (I'm only now realizing that if that's true, it means that we are not getting that scene in Harukawa's art style, and am suddenly hating everything and not want it to become true). That said, a Stormbringer movie seems likely too, so who knows.

Back to chapter 113. The jokes about Dazai not being included in the ada family picture are hilarious, and I do personally believe Dazai is more distant to the rest of the ada than other members; that said, I doubt it has anything to do with the panel itself, and as of now I don't think it's that deep ahah. In general, I find it very hard to believe that Dazai is the one that's going to be transferred to the pm: that feels to me a quite lazy direction to take storytelling wise. We already saw what it's like to have Dazai in the pm, no need to relapse to that. That's why, regretfully, I doubt Atsushi is going to be taken in either, because we already know what pm Atsushi is like (VERY very regretfully for me. Because I'd love more Atsushi screentime and because my brain quite automatically makes a jump from “Atsushi joins the pm” to “sskk canonly live together”. Also all the “sskk are Double Black 2.0” that has been tormenting sskk shippers since the start of time, might as well make them the New Double Black for real this time.). Tanizaki sounds like a good bet to be honest: because, on top of being the only ada member with a completely unexplored backstory, we already saw him interact with the pm a lot over the course of the whole manga, which can be taken as a slow build-up for the moment he ends up joining their ranks; from the pm perspective, since he showed to be a challenge for them in more than one occasion (he even intruded the boss' chambers once), it would make sense to try and get him on their side. And Tanizaki having already volunteered to join them in chapter 65. Honestly, everything seems to point in that direction right now.

I hope the following chapters also explain why taking the sword off Bram didn't kill him as previously established because as of now the seemingly plot hole is bothering me a lot.

That's all that comes to my mind right now, excited to see what the manga will be up to next!

[smallgronk]

Warning: really long wordy and idk how coherent rant ahead. Proceed with caution lmao

I don't even know how to start my rant but here goes. I haven't been using Tumblr for very long, but it has been incredible. I've met a lot of cool people, and learned a lot of cool things about myself. But I hate how the cycle of dysphoria seems to work. It is so exhausting. When I started my account I still went by he/him everywhere, I even said that in my bio or whatever. The longer I stuck around though, and the more I enjoyed the sapphic side of Tumblr the more I wished it applied to me? And at first I dipped my toes in by removing the masc signifiers and letting people draw their own conclusions. And when someone called me a girl for the first time? That was a strange experience. The longer it went on though the more I realized that it seemed right. I got more comfortable with my spot and didn't feel like I was "lying" to people or invading a place that wasn't for me. Cuz even when I would tell people they were cool with it? (Because obviously, almost everyone in my circle here is trans of course they get it.)

And everything about that is fantastic! But I've realized as soon as I made that step, the first time someone treated me like a girl... I changed. All the little things that I thought I was ok with are suddenly excruciating. I had sexted with someone with ease, but showing my face when I had some stubble? Unthinkable. And my voice, dear God my voice. It felt like I would shatter the "illusion" or something. Even if I disclosed to people ahead of time. There was no secret.

The real problem though is what has happened irl. I've always been a bit of a shut in (not by choice, situation), but I haven't spoken to any of my friends in days. Normally I'm in chat everyday at least for a minute. The thought of going and being Him for a bit when I could instead be my little trans self on Tumblr? Eww. So I just don't join. These are people who know I'm trans! I just haven't changed how I identify to them or whatever.

Everytime I start to think about it I'm just so overwhelmed. I told two people to refer to me differently and even that has crushed me. And I haven't even interacted with them since! I don't know if I'm more scared that I won't like it...or that I will. It will just be one more thing on my fucking to do list. I need to find some more queer people to hang with irl cuz it has been so rewarding, but just too distant I feel like I'm going insane. I simultaneously have the closest connection I've ever felt with a community and yet am crippled by the weight of the loneliness.

I've opened Pandora's box, and I was not prepared for it. I was a lurker on Reddit! I was just trying to be horny damn it. I wanted to bust a nut and chat with cute people for once so maybe I could stop being so inexperienced and now I've lost the comfort of my situation. I knew in the back of my head I was going to do all of these steps at some point probably but I NEED MORE TIME. I have to wait for eight different kinds of appointments before I can even think about it increasing my hrt because of my health conditions and some of them feel so far away.

And if I want to go to someone for comfort (which is already something I struggle so hard with!) There are always roadblocks. The people on Tumblr who I feel I could reach out to can only give me so much, it's over the internet. It is a great supplement to relationships but can only go so far without lots of work around. The people irl? Most of them don't even know about any of this and aren't in the know about queer stuff so I'd have to talk and explain so much. And the people I fully came out to? I'm not ready to face the emotions of them referring to me differently. And all of these have solutions mainly, but the issue. They all take work. And I'm exhausted. And I'm so upset. I don't want to do it. Right now at least. I just need some more time I'm getting there and figuring things out but I need more time.

Even posting this makes me feel sick to my stomach. Like I'm being overly dramatic. Which is silly, cuz if someone else felt this way I wouldn't even dream of anything but to give em a hug and let them cry it all out. I feel like I've stopped existing in the real world. Ive always struggled with dissociation but this is a whole other level. (Also people who are faking something don't typically question themselves lmao. That's just imposter syndrome.)

This was always one of my biggest fears when it came to transition. That I would be right. That it would flip a switch and make me miserable the moment I saw the other side. And I know it would get better. But until that tunnel breaks it would be unbearable.

And maybe I will feel better tomorrow. But even that sounds like forever away right now. I need a hug.

[biirbi]

Dndads season 2 expectations :3

Frankly I do not really know how tumblr works; just posting this to keep track of it! I just finished season 1 of dungeons and daddies a bit ago and am starting the next one soon! Here are my current thoughts/expectations:

ummummmm honestly I have no clue what's going to happen in S2- I know the premise is the doodler has returned, but besides them trying to defeat it probably, no idea. I'm excited to hopefullyy see some of my favorite s1 characters again (I am pretty much exclusively talking about Erin and Scam)! If willy shows up again im going to leave. forever. he doesn't get to be an antag for two seasons.

AND ALSO IM GONNA BE. VERY UPSET IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THE STAMPLERS. I know scary isn't a stampler technically but I'll still refer to them all as that. but I care them so hard im gonna be so mad. all in all I just want the stamplers to be ok. and scam and erin. Also speaking of erin I hope vince dies she deserves someone with more dimensions (me)

The kids as dads!:

Honestly, I love all the kids- I cannot see them being that bad of parents (but apparently I'll find out soon!)

Adulthood clearly fucks them up SOMEHOW bc idk how they could be so awful but Sparrow (My favorite kid as of now :3) would probably just be. kinda like henry but I still think different? Like Henry is probably more protective than I imagine sparrow would be; aloof (p.s. I had a different idea of what aloof meant but I can't think of a different word so. oh well just use your imagination LMFAO) though he still is very loving! And does his best to sprinkle in life lessons even if they're not. that great. Like I'd think the worst he could fuck up his kid is not really teach him any particularly valuable life skills

Terry Jr! I love him, I'm very glad he and Ron are doing well as of now. I think he's a great kid that would make a great step-dad, especially considering the fact he knows what it's like to 1: lose his dad and 2: have an emotionally distant step-father. You'd THINK he wouldn't want a kid to also go through that but who knows I guess.

I love Grant too, and I know I've said this for all of them but honestly I have no clue what tf they do to him to possibly get him to be that bad of a dad. He was definitely traumatized by murdering that thing so I get him maybe like being emotionally distant. and like overbearing at the same time. but I wouldn't really call that being a poor parent,,,

Nicky uhhh. He confuses me I don't really know what he's like anymore since he was Glenn's kid. then Jodie's. now kinda both so honestly I've no real idea of what he's gonna be like but I still can't see him being that bad.

AND THAT REMINDS ME if hermie is presumably a grandkid of one of the preexisting s1 characters I can not figure out WHO tf might be the one that fucked him up that bad. I don't really know anything about him but it's soo obvious that he is Not gonna have a Good Time. I don't even know if he's a normal guy (normal hehe) or from the forgotten realms or>?????

Characters I'll probably get attached to

Honestly, as far as I can tell abt hermie (which I'm not really supposed to know about yet but whatever) he does seem like a character I will get attached to. And hopefully not empathize with cause that won't help. He just looks like he's designed to hold SO much trauma.

*slaps roof of hermie*

This baby can hold so much trauma in it.

I don't really have any clue abt him but. I can tell it probably won't go well for him! Also he kinda? ?? looks like an antag but also doesn't? Idk maybe an antag because of a forced hand, or more along the lines of an anti-hero? I've no idea.

Scary! She seems likeable in an. unlikeable edgy way. She's played by Beth so it can't be that hard to like her (Which I recently met someone who DOESN'T like beth!? He just hates to see a funny woman...), plus I'm a sucker for edgy emo characters. She's not actually related to ron but yknow terry's her step-dad and that's close enough.

Honestly I don't particularly take to very chipper and upbeat characters (which I'm just assuming Normal is, I could be wrong), so no clue if I'll like him. I at least probably won't dislike him as long as he's not annoying abt it.

And I have no clue what Taylor's gonna be like so really I can't say anything. He's kinda sorta related to Glenn? kinda????? and I didn't like Glenn very much at first, he did grow on me a little but idk- we'll see

I totally forgot to put lincoln in here. idk ANYTHING about him so uhh we'll see!

ermm I think I had something else to say but I forgot- I'm going to start dedicating the next 10 days while I'm by myself to probably binging all of s2. Uhhhh wish me luck!

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to 5/5/2023 (song notes under cut)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Machine Girl - Dumbass!!: i was listening to a whole bunch of machine girl in the lead-up to the gecs n girl show and i feel like it made me a bigger fan than i had been previously. i honestly still am not like the most familiar with their individual songs but this is one of the ones that sticks with me. NO SUCH THING AS THE BOOGEYMAN!!!!

Cracked Out - If You Leave Me I'll Kill Myself: pretty tasteless but as soon as i came across this post and listened to it i was immediately hooked on this song. it reminds me of the dumb edgy comedy bullshit i would have listened to as a tween, but like, the better side of that stuff. it was basically impossible to find much of anything about this group, so the spotify track is a local file that you guys won't be able to play, and it wasn't on youtube so i actually uploaded it myself this morning just to put it in the playlist lol

Sum 41 - In Too Deep: i feel like sum 41 tends to kinda get dismissed as part of the obnoxious skate punk scene of the 90s-00s, and to a large extent that's fair, but man did they have some good hits. i feel like edgy teen songs like these really can work by being simple as long as they just hit the premise with everything they've got, and this would be an example

Tyler, The Creator - DOGTOOTH: i was very pleased when this reached the top 40, brief though its stint was. i've been getting more into tyler recently bc i feel like i've been missing out, he's really such an interesting artist and he balances a lot of different traits super well while still delivering the goods in terms of good beats, good lines, etc. seriously, "not sure what you overheard but it's probably what I said" is such a good fucking line

Nick Lutsko - A Ghost Story: would STRONGLY recommend checking out the video for this one, either in the youtube playlist or on tumblr here actually never mind i can't find it. watch it on youtube it's fun. i followed nick lutsko on youtube for a while before whatever network it was that he was producing for went under. probably machinima. i mainly knew him because of his limp bizkit parody which is funny bc i wasn't even listening to actual limp bizkit at the time. anyway i really like his voice and i'm actually glad that he's still finding success these days

Naughty By Nature - O.P.P.: as i've referenced, i've been rewatching robbydude's paper mario vods, which are very good, and in one of the early ones robby references this song and it made me look it up. and then i made this post and it was underrated. i don't really have anything else to say it's just a good classic rap song

Slipknot - Left Behind: putting this here as more of a landmark to represent that i've been listening to iowa (the album this is from) a lot in general. i've had slipknot on the brain recently more than usual (not for any reason of course. winks) and reminded myself of why everyone loves iowa so much. it's so fucking brutal and biting... nu metal <3

Busta Rhymes - Woo Hah!!: honestly another one where it's like yeah idk this is just a classic what do you want me to say. busta's a legend and this song is legendary and he tears it up and it's good

Sweet Trip - Tekka: probably the most direct of the violet finds from this month (hi violet :3) i had never listened to sweet trip before but tekka instantly grabbed me... it's all crunchy and stuttery and has yummy synths. i especially love how it just fucking breaks down in the second half it's like that machine that's breaking down and sweating and sputtering it's almost sexual. you know

Ike & Tina Turner - I'll Never Need More Than This: so i've been on my phil spector bullshit, as you might have guessed, so i was revisiting some of his tracks to just kinda take it all in. as always, it. well it sounds really fucking good, and tina turner turned in a killer performance as always. i love. sound :)

Rowdy Rebel - Computers (feat. Bobby Shmurda): I'M SLIDIN OVER CARS WHILE I SHOOT

.

.

.

THEY THINK THAT I'M TOM CRUISE

Machine Girl - Scroll of Sorrow: it's really rather exciting. see for those in the know (which is all of you bc there's only two or three people reading this), you're aware that my mutual (hi again :3) had posted about how, at the live show, the vocalist of machine girl got up real near the crowd (including said mutual) during scroll of sorrow. as such, i was listening out for the song at my own show and well chat i'll tell you i was not able to recognize it :-) but there was one point where they got up on the railing above the pit and were singing from up there, and while it wasn't like exceptionally close to where we were at, it was still cool bc it was like hey! that's like the thing! that i heard about! :) amd anyway i like the song

Sonic The Hedgehog - His World: itsa banger... i actually heard the penny parker cover of this song from the sonic fandub way before ever hearing the original so even now i still mix up the lyrics but it's fine. i've actually never played a mainline sonic game or any video game or any media at all but i like the music

Strapping Young Lad - Oh My Fucking God: i straight up didn't know that strapping young lad was a devin townsend thing, not that i've listened to any of his other stuff. this song's weird and loud and stupid and i like it

Rae Sremmurd - No Flex Zone: okay now. based on this one and the previous song, can anyone guess what semi-popular artist playlist i was listening to this month? i tried to listen to a lot more rap this month, because i wish to learn more about this beautiful world. no flex zone has been my first exposure to rae sremmurd and it was a good one, although i like one of the guys way better than the other one. slim jxmmi i like him better

glass beach - classic j dies and goes to hell part 1: i didn't really "get" glass beach for a while, i thought they were alright, but this month they started to click (once again with some help - check out this post teehee). they're cute, earnest, and high-energy; i have to kinda be in the mood but i can get into it 👍 i've also seen the band described as sort of a modern emo type deal and while i don't yet know if i agree or disagree with that it compels me

NLE Choppa - Final Warning: straight up this dude is weird and has a weird hit on the charts rn but bc of that i was like "ok let's see what he was like before his big image change" and ended up liking some of that stuff. he's so energetic and it really gets you pumped up, which is def what i'm looking for in this type of thing. he's got some interesting lines, too. it almost makes me wish he hadn't changed at all - i feel like i missed out lol

Vanilla Ice - Prozac: okay look i try not to vanillapost too much but like i'm a little bit insane about vanilla ice. i'm obsessed with his career path and it is not uncommon for me to just sit and think about it for an hour or more. i really enjoy his nu metal stuff, at least the earlier portions of it, and this is a top-tier track from that era. real headbanger. FUNKY RHYME KILLER, THE DOPE SONG DEALER

[mrs-steve-harrington]

Thank you for tagging me @elder-flower! Not sure what this is going to look like by the time I reach the end of it, but I'm gonna try and have fun along the way :D

Rules: post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year! 

TOP 5 WORKS - not in any particular order

Sleeves - A very self-indulgent Antwan/Keys ficlet I wrote towards the beginning of the year. I remember that, at the time, I thought I was already pretty much done writing Free Guy fic. Writing it at all had been more about getting a different fic to no longer show up under Recent Works on my ao3 dash. Then the idea for this struck me one day while rolling up the sleeves on a button down shirt I don't often wear. It was a lot of fun to write (who knew wrist touching could be so sexy??) and I'm still really proud of it, tbh.

as long as you'll have me - This Steve/Nancy ficlet was written for my pre-July Flash Bingo card. It didn't get much attention, but before season 4 aired, Stancy fic got basically none anyway (and even less when using the Dead by Daylight stuff), so that was expected. I still like it, though. It's not very long, but it has some of my favorite angst in it with Steve being sure Nancy is only kissing him because he's familiar in this strange, dangerous dimension they've ended up in. idk, I just dig it!

Don't Hurt Me - This is a Steve/Nancy ficlet that I wrote for 2021's fandomtrees, but of course it wasn't revealed until January of this year (and I think I probably actually only finished it right before reveals anyway haha). I'd been wanting to write a stancy soulmate au for @stevethehousewife and came across the idea of soulmates being unable to physically harm each other while trying to come up with ideas. I wondered how that might change the alley scene in s1 and started going from there. Again it's Stancy so it didn't get much in the way of attention, but I'm really happy with how it turned out! Plus, there can literally never be too many soulmate fics for any of my ships.

The Craziest Things Happen in Hawkins - A general (no ships), Steve-centered ficlet written for the July Break Bingo that I just really like! It doesn't really have an ending because I couldn't get to one in the time limit (and I was determined to get a BINGO before the month ended). But I don't really care about that. It has exactly what I wanted in it: protective Steve sacrificing himself so that Joyce doesn't get hurt (and so that Jonathan and Will and El don't lose someone important to them so soon after Hopper's death). I'm especially fond of Steve acting like his dad will totally pay a ransom for him when he knows it's a lie, and also knows he probably won't make it back from this. I just don't get to write protective Steve enough because I have too much fun with angsty Steve, but this was great!

Answering Your Call - My first written and published ABO fic! Of course it would be for Stranger Things and Jonathan/Steve/Nancy. I'd have it no other way. This was originally written for an event in the 30+ Fic Writers discord server I'm in (though I never added it to that collection because the people there are lovely and tend to comment on event fics even in fandoms they don't know and I didn't want anyone to feel pressured into reading it if they wouldn't have normally gravitated towards it). I've always been too intimidated by ABO stuff because there's so much of the au that squicks me, and I still have trouble articulating what I want from it myself. But I loved getting to write protective alpha Nancy and Super Growly and Protective Jonathan refusing to let omega Steve get hurt. There's that touch of angst that I love (and would make even angstier if I ever continued with it), but also some comfort and idk, it's just good stuff imo.

TOP 4 CURRENT WIPS - also in no particular order

Steve presents as an omega late (Stoncy) - A fic where Steve always secretly hoped he would present as an omega because he liked the idea that he might be wanted, might be taken care of, might be able to have children and a big family after feeling very alone in his own family. And he does eventually present as an omega, but it happens post-S4 and rather than cause any problems for everyone, he keeps it a secret. That way none of the kids feel bad about moving on after high school, and the adults won't worry about someone needing to stick around either because he's keeping an eye on things. (People do not see omegas as weak, just important and they wouldn't want him stuck with the weight alone).

The real meat of the fic won't start until after all of this, when he goes into crisis after his body starts rejecting his suppressants and Nancy and Jonathan are brought in to help him, resulting in the three of them forming a bond while he's in heat (but without the non/dub-con sex that accompanies this sort of thing usually) and him angsting about forcing them into something they couldn't have wanted (but of course the three of them having been pining for each other for YEARS).

soulmate au (Stoncy) - Siiiiiigh. The very same soulmate au I've been working on since, idk, 2019 or 2020 or something. A long ass time. But while unsuccessfully trying to get it finished for Fandom Trumps Hate this year, I ended up figuring out how to get to the ending. It's just a matter of actually writing the damn thing. There's only gonna be 3 Stoncy readers left by then, but whatever. This is still the most self-indulgent fic I've ever worked on and I love it so much. I want other people to be able to read it!!

anything (anything) for you part 2 (Stoncy) - Another wip that has been in the works for a long, long time. Two more chapters are written, but I've been stuck on Chapter 4 for over a year or something. But I've brainstormed with a couple of friends and I think I have a solid idea for where it should go. I dug myself into a bit of a hole with their relationship and it took a while to figure out how Nancy and Jonathan could possibly find out that Steve was faking his feelings for Jonathan in desperation to keep being allowed to date Nancy, without them ending things. But it should be good. Just another thing that I have to actually try to write, which is unfortunately the hardest part.

Deal with Vecna (Vecna/Steve) - A fic where, in the aftermath of hearing some harsh things about himself, Steve decides to try and trade his life for Max's because then at least he'll have done something to help. Only Vecna decides he'd rather have Steve's body than take his life. I've gotten the whole first part done, but I'm still struggling with where I want it to go and whether or not Steve should be saved.

3 BIGGEST IMPROVEMENTS

None! I may have actually gotten worse at both writing AND finishing things!! But it was a really hard year of writing for me. It's whatever!

TOP 2 RESOLUTIONS

Post at least 1 fic per month next year. This year I went through a stretch where I didn't post anything for a whole month (maybe two?) and it fucked with my mentally and emotionally. I hate it. So I would like to try and keep that from happening again!!

Be even MORE self-indulgent. If only a handful of people are gonna enjoy my stuff anyway, I might as well put everything I like into a fic without taking other people into consideration (I say knowing full well this will not happen but I can dream).

NUMBER 1 FAVORITE LINE

You don't even want to know how many fics I skimmed through to try and find any lines that worked well on their own. Not even sure how much this one does. But it stood out to me and I don't think it's too shabby.

— Every step of the way, some part of him is touching Keys' arm—the ends of his fingers as he holds him in place, the knuckles of his thumbs when he tugs the material taut.

Tagging: @stevethehousewife @urisarang @readythefanons @tkwritesdumbassassins

[ilaiyayaya]

🤔i don't know what to do now.

I was gonna look into getting HRT, and I'm probably still gonna do that pretty soon, but then my car died and I had to spend nearly 4k on a new one, which luckily I saved enough to where I'm still fine, but it did completely interrupt my streak of productivity towards doing trans stuff. On top of that, having to be around both my father and one of my uncles almost every day for the last 2 weeks to deal with said car has caused a massive drop in mental health and I've especially been in kill mode for the last 48 hours, which makes it kinda hard to get anything else done.

Overall tho, getting a car now is probably a net positive, I'm not gonna have to worry about panicking to get a car as quickly as possible after I moved out because if my old one had died after I left, but before I was able to get a new one, I would've probably been really fucked. Not great timing to happen at this exact moment though.

And on the topic of moving out, I don't really have any reason to not just move to an entirely different state now. I'm not entirely sure where to move, wherever it is, realistically it'll probably be relatively short-term, but every reason I had before to stay in my current area is kinda gone, I have a car now and thus won't have to worry as much about dying on the road while driving 500,000,000,000 kilometers to another state, I pretty much exclusively talk to all of my friends online now, even the ones that I do live near, so that won't really change much, I kinda hate my job now and have been heavily considering quitting since like, November so like, don't really care to stay here just for that. The only real reason I have to stay here is that living expenses are fairly cheap, but this is far from the only area in the country where that's the case, and I know there are other places that are even cheaper. My reasons for needing to leave keep increasing too, the core general reason is just, my family live here, and I want most of my family dead (and some of them want me dead too!) but more specifically, my mother almost certainly knows I'm still living here by this point, I learned about 6 months ago that she had moved back here after being in another state for the last 5 years, and while I'm not in contact with her at all, it's not unlikely that she's heard from someone else that I'm here, possibly even where I work or any other information, and her knowing literally anything about my current location pretty much puts a timer on my life because she really does not want me to be alive. Tension with the rest of my family has also gotten significantly worse in the last few months (which is largely my fault but like, what am I supposed to do, not tell my uncle to kill himself???), which really I don't care much about, most of them I normally see 5 times per year max, and even the few I do see more often than that have extremely little impact on my life, but the bigger concern is that a couple of them have definitely, at least to some degree, caught onto me being trans. Or maybe they just think I'm gay but like either way it's a potential problem for me, my family is extremely bigoted (the uncle I told to kill himself literally prompted me to say that by going on a massive rant about electric cars being bad because, something about them all being made by f*gs??? idk being in the same room as that man is like being in the same room as a stereotypical 4chan user, but like, the worst kind) (that uncle btw is not one of the relatives that have probably caught onto me being trans, he is so incredibly dense that I could probably directly tell him I'm trans myself and he probably just like, wouldn't even process it and then somehow use it as an opportunity to tell me to remove all of my money from the banks because the blog he read says joe biden is gonna pass a bill tomorrow that makes banks disappear). Biggest reason why I think some of them know is because a couple of them (one in particular, a different uncle than the one i told to kill himself) have really started to enjoy bringing up conversation topics related to trans and gay people, and my answer is always just complete neutrality, but in a way where it is so extremely obvious that I am just trying to say whatever gets them to shut the fuck up. If any of them, or especially my father who I currently live with, had 100% concrete proof that I'm trans, it would become completely insufferable, I would actually end up murdering one of them within a week I am certain of it, even just being in the same area and them knowing where I live, they would make my life hell immediately, and I'd really rather just not deal with that, and it's really hard to fully cut contact with those people if I'm living in the same town as them, even if I try to.

Another one of the other reasons I had for just getting an apartment where I currently live was that I had a few options for potential roommates, which would make paying rent a lot easier, but that's not the case anymore, some of those options went away once I came out as trans, some I am absolutely not comfortable with living with anymore, a few have since found other roommates or just moved out on their own, and the rest are all just other miscellaneous reasons. I don't really have any viable options for roommates in other states either, but since I don't have any here either, it doesn't really make much of a difference. I technically do know people elsewhere that would probably be willing to live with me, the problem is they're all either in other countries, which I'd be fine with eventually, but not right now, or they're in texas or florida, so, so many in texas and florida, texas especially, why is everyone i know in texas i am not moving to texas especially when most of the people i know that already live there hate it. so yea I'm pretty much on my own unless I want to move to the UK or Texas and I'm not doing that, luckily I expected and prepared for this so I should be fine financially for at least 1 year even on my own, even if it's not ideal. Financially I'm probably fine moving somewhere else, the main concern is everything else cuz like, I'm dumb. and stupid. and incompetent. and i fuck everything up and am bad at everything. Me being stupid and incompetent still applies to living the same state i currently do but like, 🤔idk i just feel like i'd be more likely to have actual consequences for being a massive fuckup somewhere that isn't here. But like yea I'm an idiot.

I don't even know where I would move, for the last few months I was looking into apartments with the intent of temporarily living here for like 6 more months, but again, new car, no more reasons to stay, I think it'd kinda just be a waste of 6 months at this point. But if I commit to moving to a different state I'll have to completely restart the process of searching for an apartment, except it'll be even harder because I don't even know where to look for an apartment at, like I don't know where I want to go I just know I can't be here for much longer. Plus moving states probably requires a bunch of paperwork stuff, like, I probably need a new license for that state and like uhhh new bank account because the current bank i use only has locations in this state and i don't know how hard all of that stuff is to do, like I said I'm a stupid idiot that's incompetent and dumb and should die. Guess I'll die then cause as I've been writing this I'm becoming more and more committed to the idea of just saying fuck it and leaving, I have no clue how much longer it'll take to find a place and get everything sorted out in order to move states but like, if I stay in this town for another 6 months or more like my original plan I am absolutely going to end up killing myself, and that would not be fun so I'd rather not do that.

Idk whether it'd be better to just start hrt after finding another place, or go back to trying to get it now, because on one hand finding somewhere in another state could potentially take a lot longer than it would've taken to find a place in this town and each month that goes by without me being on estrogen is another month closer to the guillotine, but also if I try starting hrt immediately after I move out it'd just be adding to the pile of things to be stressed about because I'd be going through the whole process of trying to get it while also trying to figure out everything else. I was trying to list reasons why both starting hrt now, and starting hrt later have downsides, but I think I literally just gave reasons for why starting hrt later would be bad, but like trust me there are reasons why looking into getting it now would also be hard and potentially bad, it's fine it's fine I have the excuse of being kinda tired and extra mentally ill after just getting out of one of the worst meltdowns I've ever had over the last 24 hours so like it's fine if everything I say is completely incomprehensible verbal slop I get the free pass to be unhinged right now if you yell at me for being insane right now you're being mean and unfair and i'll cry. Mods decipher what anything said in this entire multi-paragraph rant means even I, the writer, the author, the director, the lead actor, do not understand what literally any of it means. I should probably sleep but mania hittin too hard to do so so instead time to listen to the Colress battle theme on loop and walk in circles (a normal tuesday (chewsday innit)).

I am so confused

[residentraccoon]

Thoughts on this absolutely exquisite night of national finals below (warning I might sound like a whiny spoilt little girl but who cares)

You can call me pretentious, or that I sound like a 70 y/o that does not understand why all these mainstream pop songs are so popular at the moment and does not get the hype with other trendy stuff such as tiktok (no, I don't have it, and probably won't plan on getting it any time soon), but you really have no idea how gut wrenching this night had been lmao

I was already used to the fact that my favorites almost never win national finals, but at least there were one or two per night that made it. This night? None. Even if I didn't pay that much attention to it.

Let's take them by order, shall we?

Estonia had my favorite rock song in a while, Venom, which I dismissed at first for some reason. While I knew from the start when I listened to the lineup of Eesti Laul that Alika will win, it was still kinda dissapointing. It's probably my favorite of the night but I'm still not quite that attached to it. It builds up nicely, then that's it. And it feels like she sings with no passion. Still, the vocals are great, she has good control on her voice. The instrumental is very pretty. Maybe yeah, I can see myself ranking this high in my top. Moving on

Denmark, sIGH oh my god. There are only a few songs in this mumbly and breathy style of singing that I tolerate, and this is not one of them. His voice sounds pretty whiny to the point that I can't listen to it whole. Nicklas had such an entertaining dad rock and the two girls' song was so calming, the message added a bittersweet tone to the song. This? I can only listen to it for one minute. Or maybe this kind of indie semi-singing style is not for me. Idk I'm trying to be positive but I can't.

Romania, I'll try my best to not be too critical. Perinita had everything. Folk sound, stage show, they even changed the folklore parts that sounded similar with the original song. I admit, during the auditions Andrei grew on me. A lot. I could see him winning the nf. But that staging was. Not it. You will call me a purist, I don't care, but that dude is basically barely legal, yet he had women on stage that were more than half naked, with freaking straps around them which came across as extremely creepy to me. I might be alone in thinking this. If he kept the staging dark or whatever, sorta like his audition version I might have been more content with him winning. His make love not war thing came off as tryhard, though, we didn't need that. At least it's in romanian. And as a bonus, the hype for Aledaida and her shitty striptease club banger uwu drove me up a wall. Sorry for bringing it again but holy fuck was that annoying. It had the worst fans out there.

Latvia, along with Estonia, actually chose well. It was tied with Patrisha for me but in the end I would have been okay with both. I like their song. Hope Latvia will make it back in the finals this year. They deserve it.

Idk man, I feel like people love to swarm around these basic pop songs like ants because yasss queen slay delivered (insert country's capital) 2024 she aaateeeeee 💅👌✨ or mumbly 9th grader who just discovered Billie Eilish is rElAtAbLE yay deppreshun is what matters now in music. Nobody actually seems to pay attention to anything other than pop or that has a good message or is heading towards a different sound than what you normally hear being pOpUlAr these days. Or maybe it's just me being dramatic and flaunting that my tastes are uncommon and nobody understands my music taste boohoo

Anyway, that's it with this rant, I even contemplated for a while if I should bother watching esc this year but of course I will because it's literally my life and soul at this point. I can't say the same about national final season. I don't think I'll touch it with a 3 meters pole after this year, I'd rather listen to the selected songs after they're chosen, thanks. Honestly I find it extremely hard to choose a song that I genuinely love so far. Last year I had Moldova, France, Iceland, this year? Well, I think it's still too early to tell. Will wait and see and maybe I'll find a song to root for. But for the time being, I think I have said enough. Brb I'm going back to listening to all those boring old eurovision classics such as Net als toen on full volume to forget about the dissapointment of today.

[apompkwrites]

in your arms || aether, bennett, chongyun

masterlist characters: aether, bennett, chongyun genre: fluff summary: in which their s/o is in desperately need of cuddles. notes: ah i miss cuddles :(( if you can't tell from how i write cuddling, i'm big on physical affection like hugs and stuff. can't do that now tho :( also, hun is a petname i use like... all the time. idk man, i just really like it :D

aether -

i feel like this boy gives some of the best cuddles.

i like to think he's the "older" twin out of the two.

on the coldest nights of their adventures, him and lumine would cuddle up next to each other next to a fire to keep warm (platonically of course).

if you're in teyvat after he's lost his sister, he'd put everything into those cuddles.

he misses her so much and he hates the idea that one day, you'll be gone too.

although he held high statuses in both mondstadt and liyue, aether still preferred to camp outside the city limits.

something about the calm and quiet outdoors brought peace to the otherworldy traveler.

and you never really minded it.

as long as you were able to be next to him, you were content with any living condition.

luckily, it never really affected your nightly cuddles with the blond :)

one day you both split up to handle separate commissions, right?

one brought him all the way to mondstadt while yours required you to head to liyue.

this commission, however, was one you didn't particularly enjoy.

it wasn't because you couldn't handle, because of course you could.

in fact, it was purely because of the neverending stress building on top of you.

so once your commission was complete, you definitely were in need of some good ol' aether cuddles.

you waited for him by your usual spot, the aching feeling in your chest growing more unbearable as time went on.

until eventually--

"(name)! sorry, did you wait long?"

"we brought you some food to make up for it!"

the familiar voices of of your beloved traveler and his emergency food companion called out to you from down the path.

aether was running over to you with paimon in tow.

and you, desperately wanting to wrap your arms around him, ran over to him and met him halfway down the path.

before he could talk again, you had already jumped into him and were squeezing him as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

"wh-whoa! (name)?"

instinctively, he'd wrap his arms around you.

he wouldn't need to ask about how your commission was, he could already tell by how tight your grip was around him.

"c'mere."

he'd pat his hands on your legs, signalling for you to jump up into his arms.

and, of course, you do.

he still needs to set up your tent and all, but he doesn't want to let you go either...

next best plan? just build the tent with you in his arms.

it'd take him longer than it normally would since he was busy holding you, but he'd get it done.

paimon definitely wants to tease the two of you, but she'll save that for tomorrow when you're feeling better :)

once paimon disappears to wherever she goes, it's just you and aether in your tent beneath the moonlight.

you're both accustomed to the hard floor beneath your tent, but that never mattered.

all that mattered was that the two of you were together.

if you're still awake, he'll whisper some stories of how his day was and what happened during his commission.

i like to think his go-to position for cuddling would be the honeymoon hug?

i mean, like i said before, cuddling is something that reassures him that you won't be leaving anytime soon.

so something like that type of cuddling where your both holding each other is his absolute favorite.

but if you're in need of comfort, he'd be laying on his back with you on top of him, his arms wrapped around your waist and hugging you close to him.

he likes to talk to you, surprisingly.

i mean, we've seen how quiet this boy is.

but with you, he'll talk to you even after you've fallen asleep.

"i know today's been kind of rough on you, hun... i hope just being here with me, holding you close to me, is enough to help comfort you."

bennett -

bennett... has absolutely no experience in cuddling whatsoever.

you'd have to be the one to help him out.

he's always afraid something will go wrong due to his bad luck that he's tried his best to stay away from intimate things like that.

plus, he's also very energetic and jittery so cuddling isn't something that's crossed his mind to begin with.

you'd be the one to show him all of the different positions you could do, include those where you're just sitting next to each other.

he's definitely touchy since he's never experienced this before.

still kinda hesitant though because of his luck ://

he needs a lot of reassurance from you before he even thinks about fully cuddling in his sleep.

in fact, a lot of the time it'd be you who's cuddling him after a bad day.

i think his favorite position before fully allowing himself to cuddle would be ones with lingering touches.

like a simple arm slung over the shoulder and your legs crossing each others' in your sleep.

those small gestures.

but once he's used to cuddling...

he loves the idea of having you hold onto him while sleeping.

kinda like the sweetheart cradle with you being the one to hold him.

he just needs that reassurance that you're okay with him and his luck won't do anything to change that.

but sometimes you need to be cuddled too.

you're day has been rough, what with the countless things you needed to do that day (be it because of procrastination, schedule mishaps, etc.)

you'll head towards the adventurer's guild in search of bennett.

his dads all know you, of course, so whoever meets up with you takes him to wherever he is.

you wouldn't need to say a lot to bennett for him to know something's up.

probably just a small hum or murmur would be enough to clue him in.

you'd drape yourself over his back, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and digging your nose into his neck.

he'd jump for a moment, thinking someone else knocked into him because of his luck.

but then he realizes you and he relaxes.

he'd bring his hands up to rub your arm, hearing your muffled whines as he does so.

his dads would already notice you're having a bad day, so they don't say anything that'll disturb you two.

honestly? bennett would probably want to cuddle with you right then and there.

he's not one to get embarrassed too quickly, so he wouldn't mind.

but his dads bring up a good point that you both should probably be resting in an appropriate bed instead of the floor or a bench.

so the two of you would head home as soon as you could!

bennett would talk your ear off about his adventures that day.

if you don't wanna talk, he can do enough for the both of you!

anyway, you'd both head home and jump into bed as soon as you can.

he'd instinctively go to your standard position but then he remembers that you're in need of some well deserved cuddles.

so instead, he'll be the one to hold you close.

he'd let you rest your head on his shoulder or chest.

you could trace the scars running up and down his arms.

he'd rub your back lightly while talking about his adventures again.

he'd tell you tales of the mare jivari he's heard.

and when you're off to sleep, the stress leaving your system, he'd continue to rub his hand along your back.

"how about tomorrow we go on an adventure? just me and you. we could do whatever we want to get your mind off of things..."

chongyun -

this poor boy doesn't cuddle a lot!!!

he's gotta stay cold, y'know?

as much as he'd love to just wrap his arms around you all night, he can't...

but he will try!

he'd definitely try to push himself near the beginning of the relationship.

i'm talking forcing himself to cuddle all night, no matter how hot it gets.

but, as the loving s/o you are, you tell him that it's okay he can't do the full body cuddles like other people.

but he still wants that touch, even if it's a little.

his cuddles are the ones where only a certain body part is touching the other.

like his arm is up against yours or your legs are touching.

those types.

he feels bad he can't do more though :((

he for sure owns those cooling blankets, even if it isn't for cuddling.

if you're under one of those, it's more likely for him to try and give you a hug as you both drift off.

he'd eventually separate from the hug if he's feeling too hot.

and as much as you're okay with those small cuddles with fleeting touches, there are times where you just need a good cuddle full of hugs.

he'd come home from another day of trying to exorcise evil spirits, wanting to simply fall into bed where he knows it's nice and cool.

he'd greet you once he walks into your bedroom but he'd notice...

you're wrapped up in your blanket and hugging your pillow tight, acknowledging his entrance with a simple nod.

he doesn't know what's causing you to feel upset or stressed, but that doesn't really matter anyway.

he'd hop into bed right next to you, slowly unwrapping your body from the blanket.

you're still clutching onto your pillow once the blanket is gone.

he'd have to turn you over for him to even be able to look at you.

you're resting your cheek on top of your pillow while looking up at him with tired eyes.

he'll cup your cheek with his hand, smiling softly when you nuzzle into his cold palm.

he would stay on top of the sheets while you're lower body is tucked underneath it.

he'll rub his thumb along your skin, watching as your eyelids flutter every now and then.

"have you been awake long?"

you shake your head.

"i see... come here."

he'd open up his arms, a gesture you hadn't seen for a long time.

this one, however, was different.

he didn't have a forced smile on his face and his arms weren't tense like before.

this time, he had that soft smile you'd always see when you two are enjoying popsicles together and his arms were relaxed.

you'd scooch over the bed, tossing your pillow behind you as you nuzzle into his chest.

he'd let out a quiet chuckle before pressing a quick kiss to your forehead.

"i'm sorry i don't do this often."

"...it's okay. i like our cuddles no matter what."

"but you deserve this every once and a while."

you'd just hum in response, smiling at the feeling of his thumb rubbing your skin.

he won't talk as much as the other two, opting to keep the calm silence in your room.

you could hear his quiet breaths and his heart beating in his chest.

and you fall asleep to it, the feeling of his arms around your body permanently marked on your skin.

"i normally... get too hot when we cuddle like this. but now... it's feels really nice."

[covetsauvignon]

then i must be in the other side of tumblr bcs some carats i follow here are freaking out over that pic lolllllllll

but still I'm amazed at how good and soft he looks in that picture tho 👌🏻👌🏻

we're still not following too many people on tumblr!!! (we literally just made this account lol) neither of us have been super active on here since The Great Ban a few years back, so we get most of our Seventeen content from insta, twitter, and reddit!

ANYWHO

THAT PIC THO

lettuce 🥬 discuss

the caption?

dokey knows

he KNOWS what he's doing, and I am forever in his debt

alright let's break this down top to bottom

hair? so perfect and pretty I wanna run my hands through it wanna tug it pull it wanna asdf

face? god his lips look so perfect in that sort of smile, could be sweet, could be a smirk, won't be able to tell until he makes his next move...shiver inducing shit

Shua in a pretty pressed shirt...so neat and tidy...just begging for someone to undo those buttons, rumple that collar, mess him up a bit so he has to go back to work much more wrinkled than when he left...

pants...

p a n t s . . .

so much to unpack here, because, first of all: my eyes don't even go to crotch.

they go to THIGHS

#hockeyhoeproblems

Joshua is usually one of the ones who gets lost in anything other than pleather or latex pants, so, to see him filling out some KHAKIS? Idk if it's just a better fit or if he's getting fit but it's so flattering and I wanna drown in it

now

ahem

the main event

that

I know a lil something about costume design, about fabric fitting. But not enough. I can't tell you if a certain indent is an absolute indication of something or not. But I know what this picture looks like.

And it looks delicious.

All it makes me think of is being somewhere in public with Shua, somewhere nice. He's wearing a pressed shirt and khakis, after all. But you're wearing something nice, too. A dress, a blouse, a button-up. Whatever you're wearing on bottom is hugging your ass just right.

The event you're attending makes you meet and greet a lot of people. But, eventually, you have some downtime. And in that downtime? Joshua is pulling you into the nearest dimly lit hallway, broom closet, lockable unisex bathroom, whatever he can get his hands on...

So that he can get his hands on you. If you can see him that clearly through his pants when he's not aroused, imagine how thick and heavy he'll feel against you when he's in the mood.

"Promise we'll be quick, baby," he murmurs into your neck, licking and biting softly, not wanting to be too harsh but, c'mon now, you're on a time limit here!

If there's still a lot of the event to go? He'll probably scissor you open, spitting on his fingers if he has to, anything to get you wet and ready for him. He'll enter you gently at first, but soon he's a man on a mission. Good luck. Once he tells you he's close, you're either going to have to get on your knees and open your mouth quickly, or he's going to cum inside of you.

If it's towards the end of the night, though? Depending on how the night has gone, how much you've teased him, he might just settle for rutting against you through those well-fitting khakis, grinding into you, chasing his high so needily and desperately that any sign of pleasure from you - a sigh, a moan, a whimper - he might accidentally cream his pants.

Then, it's up to you how dirty things get from there. He can either go to the bathroom to tidy up and hope no one notices the small stain that grows on the journey, or he can reach beneath the waistband of his briefs and scoop the cum out with his fingers before it can seep through the layers of fabric.

Scoop it out, and slide it onto your awaiting tongue. Bit by bit, until his entire load is in your mouth. By now you're drooling slightly, so he tucks the spare streams of saliva back into your mouth with his thumb before demanding you, ever so gently, to, "Swallow."

Clove

[epicene-humanoid]

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times. 

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through). 

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

 and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode. 

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that. 

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous. 

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

[goldenguillotines]

Hi Boyband anon!

Wait, you got any characters who'd be single idols? Or like Idol types? Can be the Could be as well, who got the personality but aren't yet

YES.. I DO HAVE A LOT OF IDOLS.. it is ny unfortunate curse after being rlly into idol animes/then kpop OWKDKL.. I do kinda lump in together idols with boy groups bc imo they're kinda the same?? Like idk man target audience is the same young teen - early adult females lol.

ACTUAL IDOLS

Julian, Kyuuga (Formerly), Akaiss, Natani, Riyyao (Eventually), Emikei and Yaorri (Formerly)

For Formerly.. Kyuuga left the idol life specifically because it was jeopardizing his families secrecy.. he didn't need his fathers people finding him out.. or his sibling.. or his other dad.. so he left. He was the lead rapper and main dancer!

Yaorri left simply because the lifestyle wasn't cut out for her. She was never as charismatic or outgoing as her peers and they used her cold demeanor for profit.. which soon turned into her biggest weakness and a point for people to give her criticism.. She was the face of the group she was apart of and a main rapper

Julian is LITERALLY the spitting image of a perfect idol. Like.. disgustingly charismatic.. his whole crybaby thing he's got really gets eaten up even though most people think it's a whole shtick when it's realistically.. just how he acts LOL. He's a sweetheart. He loves his fans (even if they scare him sometimes) and leads a pretty good life to boot! For a Fuchsia He's extremely humble LOL. Main dancer and Main singer!

Akaiss. I beat him to death /hj. He used the idol life to cover up a lot of his bad work.. like wyymm I killed someone? I was at practice and everyone here can prove it! ^^ .. He's extremely blunt and honest and self centered but people read it more of him being authentic and proud instead LOL. He's the face and main rapper and lead singer

Natani is a pretty devious guy.. but also in a pretty lazy way. He comes off as cool and calm and is very much a selling point for people who just kinda want a piece of sexy from a group. He's a sub vocal and visual LOL. He's got a lot more brand deals with many high end luxury brands compared to his other members.. just because he's kinda selling sexy rather that cute/mature

Eventually Riyyao does become an idol and rlly becomes the cool reserved guy who seems to not really care (Desmus genes).. but he does. A lot. He's playful and I think he's got a better grip on his narcolepsy at this point.. it'd just easier to gage kinda thing. He becomes a main rapper and visual ehe

Emikei is a busy gal. She's in a lot of different lines of work and she wants to spread some cheer! Always excited and peppy. Happy always! She kinda got into her line of work from modeling heh.. She's a lead vocalist and center for the group she's in

Would make AMAZING IDOLS In my opinion

Lammek, Nakaou, Travix, Nasuki, Milo and Yani

Lammek had thr potential to be an idol but got his chance cut down.. and he rlly doesn't care LOL. He's a handsome fucker and he knows it.. hes actually really gifted in singing but you'd never know. If in some random place he'd make for an amazing visual/lead singer/main dancer

Nakaou.. my baby boy .. outside of hs he went to an idol school and was pretty decent! He definitely fits your bill for a charismatic fella who's sunshine and rainbows all the time. Definitely could picture him in a lot of different concepts lol. But his current state not really could fit that bill. a lot of scars and his eyes won't let him. Definitely sub vocals and main rapper

Travix.. My poor deer.. If you weren't so shy you would've been a perfect idol boy.. (and ur circumstance LOL) .. Hes got some pretty doe eyes and I'm sure everyone would woobify him LOL. He would make an amazing lead rapper and main dancer! Probably a visual too he's pretty I love him

Nasuki is so fucking pretty are you kidding me. She would sell so much on sexy concepts and her confidence would make everyone run LOL. She's a very talented singer! She used to have time to perform when she was on Alternia but now a days she's always so busy.. Tho j would say her fans would see her smile and everyone would collapse LMFAO...anyways.. Visual and Lead vocals

Milo.. Case and point from last time. They're so fucking FINE. Definitely the guy your mom would never want you with and they're someone who kinda push boundaries so if they some how got to a record label that didn't push them into a box.. they'd sell so much LMFAO. Milo is confident and extremely knowledgeable on music so..Center/Leader/Lead Vocalist

Finally.. Yani.. If bby grl wasn't a kitsune shifter. That charismatic shamelessness they got would surely be a huge selling point. I don't think that she rlly has any kind of music prowess ngl.. probably more of a lead dancer and sub vocal at best but he's so pretty that you can't help but kinda.. peep what's ip LOL

[closedmadness]

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊

summary: jughead always chose betty over you despite being best friends with you much longer. you made an effort, did everything for him, gave him your everything. but still, it wasn’t enough. you wanted him to choose you, but he never did; your first love ended in a painful heartbreak — and as if the universe is giving you another chance, you met a new boy with raven hair and a serpent tattoo on his neck

pairings: jughead jones x male reader, sweet pea x male reader

warnings → angst・fucking angst・suicide attempt・shitty mother・verbal abuse・self-harm・swearing・alcohol・maybe a little tiniest bit of a fluff (idk there might be none)・sweet pea being a sweetie

a/n: part two is up!!

veronica, kevin and archie looked at you in pity and sadness as you watched betty and jughead chatting together across the room. it was cheryl’s party and each people were spending their night joyful, jamming along the blasting music that played in the background, the only person who didn’t seem to be enjoying this night was you.

you can’t when you’re watching the love of your life gaze lovingly at the love of his life.

the three of your friends were well aware of your feelings for the beanie-wearing boy and always tried to convince you to confess to him, but you always resisted. it was no point in confessing to him when his heart is already taken by the blonde beauty.

“(y/n/n)... don’t stare at them, you’re only going to hurt yourself.” veronica told you softly, placing her hand above yours. “i can’t watch you be so sad over them anymore.” she said with a sad look on her face.

you turned towards her and covered your aching heart. “i’m not sad over them, ronnie. why would i be? jughead is in love with betty and he’s happy being in love.” you smiled, but it came out forced.

veronica sighed, shaking her head. kevin placed his hand on your shoulder, “(y/n), everyone can see the way you look at them. the only people who doesn’t see it are betty and jughead.” you just shrugged at him in return and looked down at the alcohol you were holding.

Betty and Jughead weren’t together, but they were in love with each other. Everyone can see it and even when it was painful for you, you saw it too. Their eyes literally lights up when the others entered the room, they make googly love eyes towards each other, and Jughead literally does everything for Betty.

Meanwhile, everyone sees the way you gaze after him longingly. Veronica, Archie and Kevin were always the witness of you doing everything for Jughead despite being unappreciated. They saw how you helped Jughead dress up for Betty, how you gave him advices to impress her, how you always asked him to hang out with you only to get rejected because he was going to hang out with Betty. They witnessed every moment of your heartbreak; it hurts them how you care selflessly for Jughead but he doesn't see it.

“(Y/n), you gotta stop this.” Archie said softly, trying to talk some sense into you. “You're just killing yourself. You try to impress him, hang out with him, help him with everything, but he doesn't even give you any attention, yet you're still trying.”

“Why do you still try?” Kevin was next to ask, his tone as soft as Archie's.

You sighed, licking your lips and avoiding eye contact with them. “I guess there's just still a part of me that hopes he will notice me someday. That he will choose me. All these efforts, this– this sacrifices? I'm only doing it because I have a hope that he will.” You looked up from the floor to them and was met with three disapproving looks.

“(Y/n/n)...” Veronica starts, her voice soft as well, but had a firm tone in it. “How much do you have to get hurt for you to finally realize that he won't notice you?”

It was harsh, but true. That is the reality and Veronica is just trying to snap you out of your stupidity. But you can't. You loved Jughead too much, it was almost impossible for you to let go of him. You couldn't give up — he was your long time crush, probably since middle school. Everything about him made you love him even more, and even when there wasn't a day he didn't gawk at Betty, you still believe that there's a chance for you.

You were blinded by your love for him. Everyone could tell and they had to witness every time how you destroy yourself by trying to get Jughead to notice you. It was killing them, but they knew it killed you more than it did to them.

“(Y/n), don't you not remember the day he turned you down to hang out with Betty?” Kevin asked.

You approached Jughead who was sitting alone on the corner of the cafeteria, hiding two movie tickets in your pocket, excitement radiating off of you. “Hey, Jug!” You greeted him cheerfully, sitting down beside him and slinging your arm around his shoulder.

“Hey, (Y/n).” He greeted you back, not even glancing up at you as he typed on his laptop about a new novel he was writing.

You brushed it off as a usual thing to happen, since Jughead often ignored people when he was writing his new novel. “So, Jug. I was thinking movie night today. How do you feel about it?” You said with joy.

However, Jughead didn't seem to be interested as he continued to type away on his laptop. “Uh, I can't. I have to finish this.” He rejected, eyes buried on the screen.

You frowned. It's been quite long since you two hang out and Jughead never rejected a offer to watch a movie. “But you can finish it anyday.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “I can't. Sorry.” Clearly, his apology wasn't genuine by the tone in his voice. Your frown deepened, but didn't say anything and just stood up to walk away from him.

Later that night, you asked Kevin to watch a movie with you instead because you didn't want to waste the ticket. It was pretty expensive, considering you wanted to impress Jughead, and the fact that you didn't get to watch it with him made you sulk slightly. Kevin was there to cheer you up, though. The two of you were going to head over at Pop's when Kevin abruptly stopped after seeing something behind the glass windows of the diner.

He caught your arm before you could go close to the diner and pointed at the two people inside. “Isn't that...?” He trailed off and your eyes went to search for what he was talking about, then saw Jughead with Betty on one of the booth, smiling at each other.

You felt your heart ache as soon as they filled your vision. “He- he told me he have to finish his novel today...”

Kevin frowned. “And he went to hang out with Betty? What the hell?”

You took a deep breath after the flashback ended, looking at Kevin slowly. “I remember it, Kev. But still...” You looked down again.

Veronica sighed, “Do you also remember when you had a family problem? And he didn't even want to listen?” A frown appeared on your lips at that.

He didn't want to listen, and he said it was because others have problems too and that he can't help you. But after that, he went on helping Betty with her problems and Veronica had to comfort you the whole night for two reasons; one because of your shitty mother and two because Jughead was being unfair. However, even after that, you went back to doing everything for him being the little love-blind person that you are. That was the exact day when Veronica realized how much you love Jughead, and how much he was wasting you.

You drink the alcohol from the plastic cup, trying hard to erase the memory from your mind.

Everything you did for Jughead was because you love him, and you were starting to wonder why he hasn’t look at you yet. Whenever he needed you, you were there. But when you needed him, he was nowhere to be seen and is hanging out with Betty. In all honesty, it’s getting exhausting — hoping endlessly for him to notice you, doing everything to help him with his problems, giving him your everything, you were willing to give him everything.

Yet here you are, still alone and broken.

He doesn’t even look at you. He’s just too focused on Betty that you were sure he doesn’t care about you anymore. The destiny was being cruel; preventing you from being with the boy you love and instead giving him someone to love, so he wouldn’t dare end up with you.

It hurts. It damn hurts. And you don’t understand why you’re still in love with him and is willing to give him everything despite knowing he wouldn’t give you back what you gave him, specially his heart. He would be giving his heart to Betty and not to you, even after all your efforts and sacrifices.

“I just want him to love me back.” You muttered quietly, watching as Betty and Jughead stared lovingly into each other’s eyes.

It was too quiet, but your three friends managed to hear it. They heard it. Your wish, your desperate wish. And there was nothing they can do but to look down, knowing whatever words they say to comfort you won’t change Jughead’s feelings for Betty.

And deep down, you knew that fact even when it felt like someone stabbed your heart with a knife repeatedly.

“You little shit!” Your mother shouts, hitting you across the face.

Your cheek stings at where she slapped you, but you barely flinched at her sudden outburst and just stood there facing the floor. “This is the only score you’ve got? 92 out of 100? What kind of shit is this!?” She yelled angrily, crumpling your test result. “I’m paying for your education, (Y/n), and this is how you repay me? By getting a half assed score when it could have been a perfect 100!?”

She was totally furious about a fucking test result. Ridiculous, really. This started happening when your father left after he couldn’t deal with your mother’s drug addict behavior. He was a southside serpent and surely he could’ve handled her, but he chose to leave instead. Without even trying to take you with him.

It’s funny how cruel this world can be to you.

“I’m sorry, I will do better next time.” You apologized, still not meeting her gaze. It is easy for you to hit her and fight back, but you didn’t because she’s your mother. You still respected her in any way.

She scoffed, “Next time? I can’t even count how many times you told me you’ll be better next time, but came back with a fucking shitty result.” She spat with distaste in her tone.

You frowned, scrunching your eyebrows together and looked up at her. “Why do you hate me so much? I’m your son.”

“You’re not my son.” She snapped, making you flinch at how harsh her words are. “You were just an accident. You understand that? A fucking accident between me and your father that we never planned to happen. The worst part is, you grew up looking like your father. That face reminds me of him and makes me wish I never had you.” The pure hatred in her face was enough to make you believe her.

You swallowed, feeling tears welling up in your eyes and looked down, trying to hide it from her.

“What, are you gonna cry?” She said mockingly. “Of course. You’re gonna cry like a little cry baby that you always were. A pathetic, weak piece of shit that I’m absolutely ashamed to call my son.” She grabbed the jingle jangle on the table and glared at you like you were the worst thing that ever happened to your life. “I never wanted you, and never will.” With that, she walked out of the house to be a drug addict that she always was.

After she was gone from the house, you broke into tears and finally let them stream down your face, falling on your knees as your face twisted in complete pain and anguish.

Everything hurt; your heart, your chest, your whole body. It’s like the emotional and mental pain shifted into physical pain even when you weren’t being abused physically. The feeling of worthlessness appearing in both your heart and mind, as well as emptiness, sadness, pain and anguish.

Your cries were the cries of help, desperately wanting someone to show up and stop your pain for the better. But life wasn’t that easy. There was no one to stop it; not even Jughead, who used to always be with you and cared for you deeply.

Now, he was gone. He don’t care about you anymore. All he cares about was Betty and Betty only.

Tears continued to run down your cheeks, soaking your shirt as you sobbed violently, unable to contain yourself. “W-why...?” The void question came out from your lips between sobs, asking the universe why they were being cruel to you.

Though, it’s not like the universe or destiny will answer you.

It feels like you were being killed from the inside, like all the pain you experienced in your life are molding together and attacking you all at once. Everything hurt, and you were exhausted mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You just want to be happy and be with the love of your life. That was enough. That is enough. But then, life doesn’t let you be happy even for once.

You stumbled towards the bathroom, feeling the urge to hurt yourself to deal with the emotional pain. Opening the cabinet, you saw few blades laying there and took it out, setting it down on the sink.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and witnessed how much of a mess you are right now. Your eyes red and puffy from crying, tears were still streaming down your cheeks that had a red mark because of your mother’s slap, the look in your face practically screaming exhaustion. Your hair was a mess from you constantly running your hands through them while you were crying in the living room.

Your gaze returned to the blazes above the sink and takes it without even hesitating, moving up the sleeves to reveal your arms that was littered with scars of different sizes. Some were small, some were big, some were deep, some were not, but they were all old scars. Self-harm scars. You brought the blade down to your left wrist, beginning to run the blade slowly, watching as it cut through your skin and causing blood to come out. A relieved sigh leaves your lips — self-harming was never been a healthy way to deal with problems, but it made you relieved every time you do it. You feel like the emotional pain was leaving your body through the cuts that you made. There wasn’t any physical pain, but you were sure it will sting when you take a shower.

By the time you were satisfied, there were many cuts covering both of your wrists. Blood oozed out from the cuts that you found satisfying. If your mother was a drug addict, then maybe you’re a self-harm addict. This was your only way of escaping the pain.

You washed the blood away with water while ignoring the stinging pain it gave you before moving back to the living room and grabbing your phone, immediately entering your room afterwards. The tears already stopped by now thankfully.

You laid on the bed and unlocked your phone, only for it to ring right after. It was Jughead and a dark feeling spreads in your chest when you read his name on your phone screen, almost like something was going to go wrong if you answered it. Nonetheless, you pressed the answer button just in case it was emergency — a decision that you will regret sooner.

“(Y/n)!” Jughead’s excited voice called from the other line, making you smile.

“Hey, Jug.” You cleared your throat to regain control of your voice as it came out hoarse. “What’s up? Why do you sound excited?” You asked curiously.

There was a chuckle of joy before he spoke, “Guess what? I asked Betty if she will be my girlfriend and she said yes!”

You froze. Mind unable to process what he said as you stared at the ceiling blankly. In that moment, you heard your heart shatter in million pieces. The pain wasn’t even an ache anymore; it was more than that. His announcement just destroyed your heart completely.

Why is this happening to me? You thought, feeling the tears well up in your eyes again. It was surprising, really. With the amount of tears you cried earlier, you didn’t know there was still tears left to cry.

“(Y/n)? You there?” Jughead’s worried voice snapped you out of your misery.

You breathe out, “Yeah... yeah, I am. Lucky for you, Jug. Congratulations.” You swallowed as you felt like suffocating. “Uh... I’m sorry, I have to go.” The call ended as soon as you said that, not giving him any time to argue or protest.

Without a second thought, you grabbed your jacket and stormed out of the house, leaving your phone behind.

Maybe you were foolish.

Maybe you were an idiot to believe he would look at you the same way he looked at Betty if you tried enough.

Maybe... you were stupid for giving your everything to him until you were left with none. That’s exactly the reason why you felt empty right now anyway.

It was totally your fault. Veronica, Archie and Kevin warned you, told you to give up, but you didn’t. It was your fault. Everything just hurts and now you were sure Betty is the only one who has Jughead’s heart. There was nothing you can do about it.

Accept it, idiot. You thought to yourself.

Standing above the bridge that divided the Southside and the Northside, you looked at the river below. It was beautiful at night, the sound of water calming you. No one was in sight, which was pretty dangerous in your situation.

I could just jump and never come back. You thought as you looked at the river and leaned on the railings.

It will be easy. You just need to jump and drown. That way, you could finally end your miserable life. This excrusiating pain will stop for the better and you will be free from your drug addict mother. Everything will be okay if you just jumped. Your friends might be sad after your death, but they will get over it quickly. Veronica has Archie, Archie has Veronica, Kevin has Joaquin, Jughead has Betty. They will be okay.

You jumped slightly to sit on the railings and turned to the river, still contemplating your life. Nothing was good in it anyway.

Your mother was a drug addict who didn’t want you in her life, who never wanted you.

Your father left you long ago.

Jughead didn’t care about you but Betty.

Your three friends? They have each other.

Nothing will change even if you jump. There will be nothing to regret. It’s just an easy task.

“What are you doing here?” A deep voice suddenly asked, causing you to jump slightly startled. He chuckled at your reaction.

You glanced at him and turned back to the river, far away look in your eyes. “Contemplating my life.”

Panic flashed in the raven haired boy's expression, “Woah, woah, woah. Get away from there.” He ushered and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you away from the railings easily before spinning you around to face him. “What the hell are you really doing?”

You looked up, annoyed that he even thought he had the right to stop you, and widened your eyes when you came across a handsome face that you’ve never seen in your neighbourhood. “Oh, uhm...” You struggled to say it out loud, pushing yourself off of him upon noticing the close distance. “I was just admiring the river.”

He raised his brows; even though you were hiding it well, he could still see that you're lying. Definitely wasn't just admiring the river. “Well, you looked like you were about to jump. Is everything good?”

You sighed, going back to lean on the railings again and he quickly went beside you. “Everything is a mess.” You answered, having a far away look once again.

“Care to elaborate?” He asked and stared at your face. It was dark, but he could still make out the shape of your face and notice how good-looking you are.

“Well, a short summary of my life — my mom and dad had sex and accidentally had me. Mom became a drug addict, dad tried to be patient for her but eventually gave up and left. He didn't want to deal with her anymore and instead left me to deal with her.” A bitter chuckle left your lips. “Growing up, mom continued to verbally abuse me because she couldn't stand the thought of dad leaving us. So, I turned to my friends. Then, I fell in love with my best friend since middle school. I was blinded by my love for him and did everything for him when I clearly knew he's in love with a girl, hoping that one day he'll love me back. And an hour ago, he called to tell me he and the love of his life are now together, so there's that.” You shrugged trying to act nonchalant.

His face dropped at your story, almost as if feeling the pain you've gone through everyday. He knew you were trying not to cry by how your shoulders trembled, your lips pursed in a thin line to keep any sound from coming out. “Let it out.” He said, his hand going over to pat your back.

You shook your head, “I- I can't. I don't- I don't want to be weak.”

His brows furrowed. Who the hell teaches their child crying means weak? “Hey, crying doesn't make you weak. It makes you strong. Bottling those things up will only makes things worst, so you have to let it all out to make you feel better. Cry as many times as you want, I don't care.”

Those words were enough for the tears to come out as you let out a sob, breaking down for the second time this day in front of a boy that you don't even know.

However, he don't seem to mind as he patted your back gently and shift his body closer to you to give you comfort. He didn't get too close that you'll feel unconfortable, but maintained a slight distance from you. You cried like that for a while, letting out all your pain.

“Uh, thanks.” You said after your break down finished. “Your presence comforted me a lot.”

He flashed you a smile, “No problem. The name's Sweet Pea.” He said and extended his hand.

You raised your brows, a smirk of amusement appearing on your face. “That's a strangely cute name. I'm (Y/n) (L/n).”

“Yeah, don't mention it.” He says, shaking his head and you chuckled.

“Hey, don't be embarrassed. I like your name.”

“I like your name better.” He smirked. “So, what are you going to do now?”

You sighed heavily. “Nothing. I’m just gonna try to be happy for them. And if you’re asking about my mother, I don’t know. I just don’t want to go home yet.” You said and wrapped your arms around yourself in a comforting manner.

He hummed, “You wanna come to my place? I can let you stay in.”

Your brows raised in surprise as you looked at him, expecting him to be joking. “Are you serious? You shouldn’t be asking a stranger to come to your place. And I’m a northsider.”

He rolled his eyes, “I can’t let you go home when I know you have a shitty mother even when you’re a northsider.”

A smile slowly appeared on your lips and a look of gratitude flashed on your face. “Thank you, Sweet Pea. I appreciate it.” He smirked and nodded his head, before gesturing for you to follow him and you obliged as you didn’t see any reason to reject his offer.

Sweet Pea seems like a tough guy, but he’s a kind person. You knew that the moment he stopped you from jumping that bridge knowing you’re a northsider. A lot of people in the southside didn’t like northsiders, because they’re just a bunch of jocks who judges a person without getting to know them.

Looking at the southside serpents jacket he wore, you strangely felt safer than usual. You didn’t know whether it’s because he’s with you or the fact that you’re in the southside territory. There was something about this place that you couldn’t help but feel like home more than your own house.

The two of you reached a trailer and he twisted the doorknob, already knowing his door is unlocked. “You don’t lock your door?” You asked out of the blue.

He chuckles, “I do. My friends are here.” You just nodded quietly at his response. He opened the door and you could hear his friends laughing from inside the trailer as you both entered, the laughter stopping as soon as they realized you and Sweet Pea were in.

There were two of them — a girl with a pink hair and a boy with a flannel. Curiosity appeared on their faces upon seeing your presence, though they knew you’re not from the southside after seeing the ‘RH’ on your jacket — you weren’t a Bulldog, but you had a jacket that had the Riverdale High patch.

“Was taking a walk and saw him contemplating his life. He’s gonna stay here for tonight.” Sweet Pea informed them casually, going over to the kitchen to get for something to drink.

Their eyes widened as they looked at you, before scrumbling to get up. “You, uh... you okay?” The boy wearing a flannel asked.

You nods, “Yeah, uhm, I’m not really right now. But I think I will be.” You smiled in reassurance.

“Wait, hold on.” The pink haired girl said as she caught the sight of your red cheek. “What happened to your face?” She asked, pointing at it. You winced when her finger touched and she quickly pulled it away.

Sweet Pea came back with a beer and a first aid kit, sitting down on the couch. He noticed the redness of your cheek way back then and knew something probably happened that you didn’t tell him.

“C’mon, Sweets will treat it.” Fangs said, grabbing your wrist in the process and you hissed in pain as his hand gripped where you self-harmed earlier. He let go instantly and looked at you with wide, confused eyes.

You cleared your throat, gently holding your wrist with the other hand. “I’m fine, I’m fine.” You tried brushing it away, but Sweet Pea didn’t let it slip.

He walked towards you and gently grabbed your hand as he looked at you silently asking for permission. You don’t want him to see your scars, but for some reason, you didn’t pry away his hands or shoved him away. You just looked down at the floor, unable to keep your eye contact with him. He took that as a permission to roll up your sleeve and once he did, a gasp came out form Fangs and Toni while Sweet Pea froze in shock seeing the many scars littered on your wrist.

“(Y/n), what the fuck?” He muttered in devastation.

He can’t imagine what you’ve gone through that you got to the point to harming yourself. The scars were new, but there were some that seemed old that made him realize you’ve been suffering for long until now. The fact that no one didn’t even try to help you or notice the state you were in broke his heart. However, he knew you were more broken than he could ever be, so he didn’t dare ask why you did it.

He just pulled you towards the couch as Fangs and Toni guided you by placing one of their hands on your back. You sat on the couch, letting Sweet Pea start with his mission to treat your swollen cheek and the many lines of scars on your wrist.

They don’t know you, nor the life you had in the northside, but they didn’t have to hear your entire life story to know it was an awful one. If it wasn’t awful, you wouldn’t have any self-harm scars or wouldn’t even try to jump from a bridge.

“You don’t really have to do this, Sweet Pea.” You said after a while of silence.

“He has to.” Toni spoke for him as he dabbed the cotton pads on the alcohol.

“Yeah, you might get infection if your wrist isn’t bondaged.” Fangs chimed in.

You shrugged, “I don’t really think so. If I showed up to school with a bondage around my wrist, my friends will think something bad happened.”

Sweet Pea gave you a look, “Might I remind you that something bad was about to happen earlier if I didn’t stop you.” He deadpanned, making you wince. “If you think you don’t deserve being helped, then just think I’m doing this for me.”

“No, seriously — why are you helping a northsider? I thought you guys hated us?” You asked, looking up at Sweet Pea then at Toni and Fangs. Though, a hiss of pain immediately escaped your lips after Sweet Pea proceeded to clean your scars with the cutton pads drenched in alcohol.

Their expression softened. “Well, you obviously need help and we aren’t that heartless to not help anyone who’s in need of.” Toni replied softly.

Your heart warmed up at her words. At least they care about you despite only knowing you few seconds ago. It was still new to you though; you were never cared for, your mother always did drugs, you had your friends but they didn’t care about you as much as you wanted them to, Jughead has forgotten about you ever since he started to hang out with Betty. So everything that’s happening right now was pretty much a new experience. Why Sweet Pea cares was a complete mystery to you. You’re close to strangers after all — you don’t know a single thing about him and he don’t know a single thing about you.

Sweet Pea glanced at you from the scars on your wrist, seeing you deep in thought. He returned his gaze to your wrist as he ask, “What you got in your mind?”

Your eyes glanced at him for a split second. “Just wondering how can you care for me this much. I mean, we’re strangers and there’s nothing much about me that is worth caring for.”

He snapped his gaze to you. It was barely above a whisper, but he heard it clearly. “Why do you even think you’re not worth caring for?” He asked, stopping his movement and meeting your eyes, searching for an answer.

You looked away from him, free hand going down to fiddle with the hem of your shirt. “That’s what my mom think about me.” You muttered.

The three serpents felt their heart shatter. How a parent could be so cruel to teach their child they’re not worth caring for? They could see the way how her words affected you; you think everyone thinks of you that way just because your mother does. And they were certain that your mother taught you so many wrong things, digged so many false and cruel words in your mind that her words are the only things you can believe.

Sweet Pea gripped your hand while Toni and Fangs scooted closer to you, their faces contorted in anger at your mother for being so cruel to you.

“(Y/n), don’t ever believe what your mother says about you. Whatever she says, you’re worth caring for. Everyone is.” Sweet Pea said firmly, gripping your hands and making you look at him. “It doesn’t matter what she says. You shouldn’t believe everything she tells you just because she’s your mother. You understand me? You’re worth caring for.”

You stared into his eyes and nodded, “Maybe... Maybe if I didn’t have a mother like her, I would’ve been happy. Or if I still had my father.”

Curiosity shines in Fangs’s eyes as he tilted his head slightly to look at you. “Do you remember your father’s name? Don’t you wanna know if he’s still alive?” He pushed over.

“Fangs.” Sweet Pea warned, eyes glaring at him.

“What? He could take him back, so his shitty mom couldn’t touch him ever again.” Fangs proves his point and the raven haired boy sighed at his friend, proceeding to treat your scars.

“I still remember his name and face, but I doubt he’ll take me back in.” You shrugged, pursing your lips into a thin line. And then, a realization hit you that you’re in the southside and that the people around you are members of the southside serpents your father was in.

“Well, what’s his name?” Toni asked.

“(F/n) (L/n).”

“What?”

“My father is (F/n) (L/n).” You repeated, looking up at them now.

Sweet Pea abruptly stopped his movement and looked at you with wide eyes as so did Toni and Fangs.

“(Y/n)...” Sweet Pea calls your name after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah?”

“Your dad is our Serpent King.”

© prettymadness — all rights reserved. do not repost or translate without my permission. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[syubub]

2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

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Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜