#idk theres infinite possibilities here

[tequiilasunriise]

In that recent interview with Jenna casually bringing up how Wenclair’s dynamic is one of her favorites of all time because they’re “dark storm cloud and sunshine” and it’s like. Like.

LIKE OKAY MISS MAAM I SEE U, I SEE YOU UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT. ONEOFUSOFUSONEOFUSONEOFUS-

Like, the question wasn’t even remotely about character dynamics (it was about the sets of the show ffs) but just like One of Us™️ Miss Ortega took any opportunity to bring up her ship like a true Wenclair Warrior. Combine that iconic moment with Hunter’s “fighting for #Wenclair iykyk”? I am getting SUCH flashbacks to the RWBY fandom where Bumbleby’s VAs Barb and Arynn would be absolute champions for the ship oh my GOD. They talked about it on the ship it show or whatever that youtube series was, the fucken ‘Yang’s arm is a vibrator’ jokes Barb would make, just- SO MUCH fer our lovely Bees (who, mind you, are THE Sun & Moon Girlfriends™️ in their aesthetics, their personalities before Blake opened up more but it still works in current time, their semblances, even their NAMES LIKE ARGH NO ONE SERVES LIKE THE BEES,,,).

In conclusion, that rush of the actors of a show themselves advocating or even just giving us little crumbs towards a ship? It’s immaculate it’s amazing like I can not wait for next week to see what happens. I will say that if Wenclair DOES follow the Bumbleby route of “super popular sun and moon gfs even the actors themselves ship” then I am dying to see what version of Beehaw the Netflix Wednesday fandom will throw together should there be a longass hiatus for another season. Yorse? Nah, let’s make it WORSE (please laugh at this awful pun). Like Hunter said, if you know… you know.

[notiddygxthgf]

𝟎

★ pairings: suguru geto x satoru gojo, satosugu

★ synopsis: Suguru Geto struggles with letting people in after leaving a three-year-long abusive relationship. Enter Satoru Gojo, the boy who doesn't seem to take no for an answer.

★ c.w.: slow burn, mutual pining, explicit sexual content, dub con elements, implied/referenced rape/non-con, mahito is a real abusive asshole, past relationship(s), past abuse, recovery, hurt, comfort, vent fic, based on my shitty ex, my therapist told me it'd be a good idea idk, im a good writer I swear, brought to u by the bch who wrote best friend's brother!choso, sexual tension, new love, fluff, angst, smutt, graphic, psychological trauma, theres a happy ending in here I swear, angst with a happy ending, psychological trauma, PTSD, idiots in love, sexy smut I swear.

★ a/n: NGL I kinda hate how this turned out. but! it had to be done! I had to get it out of the way. the way I think this is gonna work is past flashbacks first, present time next. it's gonna prob alternative between the two for a while. comment your thoughts! let me hear u! feel free to slander mahito... he plays the shitty ex.

★ w.c.; 3.4k

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐔 𝐍 𝐅 𝐎 𝐑 𝐓 𝐔 𝐍 𝐀 𝐓 𝐄    𝐀 𝐈 𝐋 𝐌 𝐄 𝐍 𝐓

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

PROLOGUE

2019. MONTH UNKNOWN.

I WAS ONLY 12 YEARS OLD the first time I tried to kill myself. In retrospect, I can’t possibly imagine what could have been so important to little me that he firmly believed he would rather die than live without it. I wish I could say that I had a difficult life. That simply was not the case. I grew up with two loving parents and a kind brother, in a small town where every friend I’d ever had was within a mile of me at any given point in time. We weren’t rich, but we most certainly weren’t poor. I had everything a child could ask for and so much more.

Again, I wish that I could say I had a difficult life, but that simply was not the case. 

It’s just that I’ve had these… thoughts for as long as I can remember. An unfortunate ailment, if you will. No matter what I did, there always seemed to be something missing. Something I felt I would spend my whole life searching for – or at least trying to supplement.

At 12 years old, I planned my first attempt.

It didn’t work.

So, now, faced with the unbearable burden of deciding what I was going to do for the rest of my life, I chose to pursue a childhood dream of mine. I wanted to go to school to become a doctor. I didn’t know what kind, per se, but I knew that I wanted to heal. 

Maybe I thought, I don’t know… that if I healed enough people, I may have been rid of the ailment – healed, myself.

So I left my small town, enrolling in an academy 30 minutes away from the house. I got into their Healthcare program. Again, what more could a kid want?

Yet the void inside of me only grew larger, more ravenous. I lost touch with all of my small town friends – one by one. I had no one.

But I was pursuing my passion, right? Why wasn’t it enough?

It was in that godforsaken academy that I met him.  

“Pick a card,” he asked me. His grey eyes were so sharp, even then. “Any card.”

I glanced down at the fanned-out deck in his pale hand, eyes crawling over the many different suits and shapes before eventually settling on an ace. I pulled the card out. 

Ace of spades. I tried to memorize it. I also, coincidentally, tried my best to ignore the incessant thrum of my racing heartbeat against my veins, my arteries, my chest. He was sitting so close to me.

It was just the two of us in the hallway. Just me and him and the infinite space between us, the small gap between my right shoulder and his left. 

I handed it back to him. “What are you doing?” I asked.

He slipped the card back into the deck without looking. He shuffled it once, twice, three times. Made a bridge with his hands and let the cards fall back into place. I watched with a remarkable sense of interest.

“Is this your card?” He tucked a stray blue hair behind his ear, producing a card.

I furrowed my brows, about to say something, when I noticed something off about the card. It was different. Where there once was a large blue spade, there now was a small, torn piece of lined paper taped to the surface. The gray lettering on the handwritten note read,

WILL U GO OUT W/ ME?

My eyes went as wide as saucers. My mouth lolled open, lips shaped around his cursed name, “Mahito, I…” 

I thought of my parents. I thought of my religious father. What would he say? What would he say if he found out his 14-year-old son was a homosexual?

I thought of my parents, and I bit my lip, “I don’t know if I can… I don’t know. What if my dad finds out?”

Mahito tucked the deck of cards neatly into the pocket of his black cargo pants. His hoodie was rolled up to his elbows, revealing intricate stick-and-poke linework over his forearms. He shrugged, humming, “Who says he has to?”

The tardy bell rang. We were late for first period.

My mouth opened by itself again. At fourteen, I wasn’t so sure I was ready to lie to my father about something so serious. Not yet.

Seemingly sensing my hesitance, Mahito laid a hand on my stiff shoulder. “Hey,” he muttered softly. “Think about it. Give me your answer after school, yeah? We’ll meet here at 3:30.”

And then he slipped away with a quiet, ‘See ya’.

Without confirmation.

In his absence, I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.

2019 February.

Mahito ran away from home two weeks into our relationship. Ran away without so much as a notice or a warning. Ran away and left me there to assume the worst. He didn’t live in the best area. Perhaps he was staying with a friend? If not, was he dead in a ditch somewhere?

There was no way to tell.

He could have at least told me, I had thought. Then again, would I have tried to stop him? Undoubtedly.

They issued a missing persons alert the day after he didn’t show up. I remember seeing the poster all over my social media, all over the streetlights and posts. 

It didn’t seem real. Even as I held the missing poster in my trembling hand, I remember feeling numb. I remember feeling as if this were all some sort of cruel prank, that he would be back just in time for our after-school walk with a smile on his face.

 But there he was, smiling up at me from the page in my hand. 

MISSING PERSON: MAHITO 

Height: 5’8

Weight: 150

Eye color: gray

Hair color: blue

Remarkable features: tattoos on arms

Last seen: February 14th.

I crumpled the piece of paper up, tossing it across my messy bedroom with a sigh. I hadn’t slept last night, and I wouldn’t have slept tonight either.

I sunk into myself, curled into a ball on my twin-sized mattress – the same one I’d had for as long as I could remember – and cried. I was utterly inconsolable. I cried until my voice was hoarse, until there were no more tears left to cry.

Until my phone buzzed.

I assumed it was another homework notification. I didn’t check. What did it matter? In my eyes, my world had stopped spinning. It had stopped the moment he ran away.

But it buzzed again, and again.

It was then that I realized I was getting a call. Begrudgingly, I picked my phone up off of the bed. I turned it over. The screen was lit up with the words ‘NO CALLER ID’. 

I wanted to hang up. Desperately. Wanted to save myself a shred of peace and dignity and move on with my night – in hindsight, I probably should have just hung up when I had the chance. But, no, I felt something in my gut call out to me.

Against my better judgment, I answered, “Hello?”

The line crackled. “Suguru?”

Suguru. 

My heart leapt up into my throat. With wide eyes, I answered again, “Who’s this?”

“Suguru, it’s me, Mahito,” He sighed with relief, like he hadn’t expected me to pick up. Truth be told, I hadn’t expected it either. “I’m sorry I couldn’t call you sooner, my love. I’m calling you from a phone booth right now.”

My love. The nickname sounded like honey coming from his lips, but I knew it was laced with venom. Still, as would seem to be the trend, I was weak for it. 

My eyes began to water again, somehow. “Where are you?”

I knew better than to call him ‘baby’. Not when my father was sleeping in the room next to mine. 

“I can’t tell you that right now,” He answered. Of course, he couldn’t. There always seemed to be something he was hiding from me. I didn’t see it that way back then. “Look, I don’t have much time to talk, I–”

“I’ve been worried sick about you, Mahi,” I spoke again. I felt numb. So numb. “Please, just–”

“I stole ten grand from my mom,” He cut me off. “I’m running away from home. The abuse, it’s just– I can’t. I can’t, anymore.”

His mother was a real piece of shit. I knew that. She never wanted Mahito, not as a single mother. So she tried multiple times to be rid of him – beating him senseless with hangers and wires and even going so far as to attempt to poison him on his birthday. 

Still, ten grand was a lot of money.

Stolen.

“I’m on the run from the cops, I– I think they’re trying to find me,” He panted into the microphone. “You can’t tell anyone, okay? You gotta lie for me.”

I felt sick. Sick to my fucking stomach.

“I’m sorry, I…” I trailed off, holding back vomit. “Hold on.”

I ran to the bathroom and promptly emptied the contents of my stomach into the sink. I had just eaten mac and cheese an hour or so ago, and the vomit was tinted yellow. I could still see a few noodles here and there, only partially digested.

It made me want to hurl again.

“You okay?” he asked me.

“Am I– No, I’m not fucking okay, Mahito! First, you run away without–” I had to swallow bile a second time. I felt it burn as it slid back down my throat. “You could have fucking warned me , or something, and now you’re calling me at eleven at night to tell me you’re fleeing the fucking cops?”

He paused. “I know,” he said. “I know, I’m sorry. You know I love you.”

And immediately, like some sort of magic trick, I felt my exterior soften. I didn’t even care that we were only a few weeks into our relationship. He was my first. It was like he knew the effect he had on me. 

“Suguru,” he said again. “I love you.”

His words were like honey. I took a spoonful.

“I love you, too,” I sighed into the receiver. 

“You’ll keep quiet about this for me, right?”

I was weak for him, as always.

“Okay,” I said.

I found myself sitting at my desk in the middle of the day, struggling to concentrate on the lesson. The classmates at my table – more like a group of desks placed together – were talking about the missing boy.

My missing boy.

They were talking to me, actually, but I had long since tuned them out. It was all a blur for me – a blur of faces and voices and words I didn’t want to hear. 

“He’s a freak,” The boy across from me, Choso Kamo, remarked. “If I were you, I’d break things off before it’s too late.”

Choso’s critical words sent a sharp pang right through my rotten heart. 

“Exactly,” My friend, Shoko, chimed in. She was a pretty thing, about a few inches shorter than me with brown hair up to her chin. She always looked so tired . I wonder if she recognized that I felt the same. “He’s got some serious issues. Guys like that rarely make for healthy relationships.”

Choso leaned in, leaned over the desk to offer more of his thoughts, “You can’t just ignore the fact that more people are catchin’ on, either. What if your dad finds out? You know he thinks that… kind of stuff is wrong.”

Choso was Shoko’s friend. He wasn’t homophobic. A little misguided, but he had the spirit. Hell if he weren’t a raging heterosexual, I might have even gone for him instead. He had that look I liked – sleepy, downturned, dark eyes framed by messy bangs. He never wore colors. He was content to make a statement in black. Black eyeliner, black shirt, black doc martens, black hair done up into two messy pigtails. 

It was his signature look.

Our classmates didn’t take too kindly to ‘emos’ like him, though. He was an outcast. Hell, we all were. That’s why we sat together, after all.

The harsh opinions of my classmates threatened to erode my self assurance. I knew people were talking – people always talked. I knew the hushed whispers of my name as I walked past people and cliques in the mornings on my way to class weren’t a hallucination. 

I knew I had to stand by my boyfriend. I knew I had to stand by Mahito, but the weight of their disapproval put a strain on my shoulders. Does anyone want to hear that their friends don’t approve of their partner?

Admittedly, he wasn’t a very good partner. He had demonstrated that much in the first few weeks of our relationship. I knew he wasn’t good for me, but, fuck, I wanted to try. I wanted to make things work so badly that I ached for it. Everyone else knew he wasn’t good for me, too. 

But, fuck, was I naive to wish I could prove them all wrong?

In my eyes, he was only misunderstood. The ghosting, the red flags, the alarming behavior… I could see past it all because I loved him. My first love. No one understood him the way I did. How could I blame them for their concerns?

It didn’t matter how many voices I had in my ear telling me it was wrong. Soon, he would come home to me, and I would feel his skin against my cheek as I hugged him hello. That’s all that mattered.

How could that be wrong?

“It’s not wrong. How could it be?” I kept my gaze trained on my desk. My vision was blurry, unfocused. My mind felt numb and detached. I muttered. “I love him. He loves me, too. He told me he did.”

He did.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Choso and Shoko exchange a dubious look. 

They didn’t understand him the way I did.

“He told me he loved me,” I repeated the words like a mantra, like a reminder to myself that I was fighting for something. 

That as long as I was loved by him, I would be okay. 

He called again that night. Earlier, this time, at nine o’clock. 

I was in the shower at that time, curled up on the floor, sobbing into my arms. The water streamed past my shoulders, my arms, my nose. I glanced over at the screen through blurry eyes. 

NO CALLER ID.

I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath.

Then, I let the call ring.

Current Day. 

[12:13 PM]

[Automated]: you have 3 new messages. Play back?

[USER] Selected:

[NO] ...

... [View Inbox]

...

[ Last 6 Years ].

[REPLAY>>] Message from 'Blocked Number'.

Transcription:

" Suguru, this is me, Mahito. I don’t know if you can hear me or not– I don’t know if anyone can hear you or not, so please use headphones, or something, I don’t know. I just wanted to call and make sure you’re okay. I’m gonna try and call you later. Right now you seem to not be answering your phone for some reason. Doesn’t matter, though. I’m not in a really good place, right now, I’m… surrounded by a lot of people. So, um.. I just wanted to say that I love you, and I’ll call you a little bit later, okay? Bye– kisses…….”  

[End of Transcription] 

[Automated]: Would you like to play the next message?

[ Yes. ]

“ Suguru, is this– this is me, Mahito. Um.. I just wanted to say that I’m okay. Nothing has happened to me yet. I’m perfectly safe. I’m in a laundromat somewhere. And, uh, I said I love you… I don’t know why you’re not answering my calls… You know that I always try to text you whenever I can– and try to… call you, but… I don’t know, maybe you’re too depressed, or some shit. Maybe you’re mad at me. I understand. I– what I did was wrong, I… What I did was idiotic, and what I did was stupid, and shitty… And I understand if you’re mad at me and you don’t wanna answer my calls. So, yeah, I gues… I’ll try to call you again tomorrow. 

If you’re hearing this voicemail, but you probably won’t, um… I just want you to know that I love you. And I’m trying to do my best just… to see you again. You like pizza, don’t you? How about we do a pizza date sometime, yeah? Somewhere around next week, maybe. Huh? How about that? Sounds cool, right? Yeah, yeah it does. Um, anyway, I… gotta… I gotta go. I have to… do some things. Uh… uh… at least I love you. 

And, I– I might not have brought much with me, but I have the little stuffie that you gave me. It’s in my book bag. Not gonna take it out because people are gonna know what my things look like. I’m always gonna keep these memories close to my heart. I don’t care what anybody says. Even if I go to prison, I’m taking this shit with me. Alright? Um, I guess that’s it. And… last thing? I love you. 

Please, answer me. If you’re calling, that means you actually care, but if you don’t, then… it’s fine. Don’t recall this number. I’m not gonna respond. This is just some random guy’s phone. Okay? Um… I love you, and please stay safe. Please don’t worry, I’m still alive. I miss you. Okay, bye, I love you.”

 [End of Voicemails Received on February 18th, 2019].

[Automated]: Would you like to replay the messages?

[ No. ]

[ Delete ] > [ All messages from {Blocked Number}] 

[Automated]: Are you sure?

[Yes]

[Automated]: Deleting all messages from {Blocked Number}.

THE WIND BLEW IN HEAVY from below, sending a plethora of leaves flying out in all directions. As I knelt down to test the current with my fingers, my boots sank deeper into the muddy riverside.

I sat on the bench in front of the riverbed. Wiping my fingers dry on the fabric of my denim jeans, I took a moment to take in my surroundings. The park was mostly empty, save for a few teenagers

The water always looked pretty this time of year. For a few moments, you stood there drinking in the sight of it.

In the present, I sat alone in front of the serene lake, surrounded by the picturesque beauty of nature. Lush green trees lined the shore, their leaves rustling in the gentle breeze. The scent of damp earth and the distant call of birds created a peaceful atmosphere, contrasting with the turmoil in my mind.

I watched as groups of carefree teenagers ran around, their laughter and joy a stark contrast to the heavy weight I carried in my heart. A deep sigh escaped my lips as I averted my gaze towards the shimmering water.

I wished for the water to possess the power to cleanse me, to wash away the burdens that weighed on my soul. 

The sound of the water rushing past was almost deafening, drowning out the laughter of the teenagers. It consumed my thoughts, leaving me with an overwhelming feeling of dread and isolation. I yearned for the water to offer solace, as if it held the key to absolution and a fresh start, but it remained an unsettling reminder of my own inner turmoil.

I had a vision every time I came here for some peace of mind. It was the same vision every single time. It plagued me every time I found myself in front of the water. It was an image of me, standing at the water's edge, and then, with a deep sense of despair, throwing myself into it, sinking into the abyss and drowning.

As I sat there, the scenery around me seemed to blur, and the vision of my drowning self played on a loop in my mind, a relentless nightmare that I couldn't escape. The lake, which should have been a source of tranquility, had become a symbol of my pain and a relentless reminder of my inner struggles.

It seemed to call to me. I could almost hear the wind carry my name.

Suguru.

The water always looked pretty this time of year. I sat there watching it for a moment too long, wondering what it would feel like to be enveloped by the cold current, to feel it wash me away. 

And, again, the sound of the current grew louder. Deafening. Consuming me.

a/n: l comment and lmk what u think pookiesss

comments + reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

I obviously do not own jjk or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

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wanna join the taglist?| mlol; chapter index

[ping1n]

Thaumcraft thoughts again but this time I'm thinking gameplay rather than lore. Comparing 4 and 6.

To start off, 6 is obviously unfinished. This alone means in a comparison w/ no addons 4 wins without a doubt.

Still, even without addons there are interesting points to make here based on what we saw in thaumcraft 6 and what we might have seen if azanor didn't fall down a well or whatever.

Fundamentals: The first tab of the 'nomicon is far more straightforward, and much less likely to give a new player an aneurysm as soon as they open the book. The only part of this I dislike is how long it takes to get to golemancy. The research system is explained on this tab, but we'll save that for last.

Auromancy: Auromancy in 6 is far more fleshed out than in 4. Plus, I personally prefer the casting gauntlet to wands. It feels much more thaumcraft, and less fairy tale magic. You're using your gauntlet to force the world to your desires. It's badass. And the modular focus system allows you to accomplish so much more. The excavate focus in 4 is a joke. It's slow, the range isn't great and it doesn't do enchants. It makes you feel sad and wet and pathetic. In 6, you make a plan silk touch excavate lvl 2 focus and you tear out 5x5 blocks of raw stone. You feel like a thaumic god, shaping the world to your desire. Is it balanced? Absolutely not. Having auromancy draw from the chunk-based vis system is hilariously broken. Vis cost doesnt matter because you move 8 blocks over and all your magic is back. But so much in thaumcraft is underpowered for the required time and effort compared to other mods, that it's nice to feel powerful for once. Ofc its limited by the small amount of effects in base tc6, but we're going to discount that for fairness.

Golemancy: The tc6 (and possibly 5? idk I never played that version) version of this mechanic is much more useful and interesting. Making golems is a pain in the ass now but theres so much more depth with the customization system. And not having to make a new golem for each task in your process makes life much easier. Though it must be said with how cheap golems were in 4 you could get a golem-based farm up and running much faster. It suffers in some areas, combat golems being pretty much useless except as bodyguards, in which case they try their best ig.

Artifice: The new arcane bore is slightly less expensive and clunky, but it's still ass. Splitting artifice and infusion was an excellent decision. The vis generator is a great addition, though it feels simultaneously underpowered and overpowered - it's basically free, but the generation is so bad you need a few to get the same power as an IE windmill and you'll burn through the aura eventually.

Infusion: Again, splitting this into it's own category is common sense. There are a few interesting new things in this tab: the verdant charms, especially the feeding one, are excellent QOL. The stabilizers and upgrades are good too, but I dislike having to purposefully destabilize an infusion to unlock the research, especially as its essential for what little endgame there is in base. I think the eldritch and void stone altars are new in this version, but they're unobtainable in base.

Alchemy: Tubes work better now. It's a fun time. The transducers are better tho, and can easily trivialize essentia organisation. Hedge alchemy I think is also new, and it adds some nice utility. Aversio is a nicer name than telum and no one liked Arbor anyway.

The Eldritch: Lol. Lmao.

And finally, Research:

NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO STOP RESEARCHING TO GO MAKE A DAYLIGHT SENSOR? OR GET A PHIAL OF AN ASPECT ONLY FOUND IN SHOES? OR WAIT FOR A SPECIFIC PHASE OF THE GODDAMN MOON?? WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH WHAT IM ACTUALLY RESEARCHING?

It's somehow simpler and infinitely more tedious than the tc4 mechanic. At least that was a minigame, albeit a tedious, frustrating game that required multiple thaumonomicon dives (or, yk, an online tool). It also doesn't make sense. Nothing I'm doing here relates to what I'm trying to learn. In 4, the research pattern often had fun nods to what you were actually doing, like having Venenum in a research about poison, or linking all the primals for a late game research. Celestial observations suck. I sleep at night I'm not gonna grab my scribing tools and paper to scribble a drawing of the moon. MC Eternal lets you buy curiosities, which just makes everything so much nicer.

Moving on.

In terms of things I would have liked to not be left behind in 4, firstly I'd like my goddamn outer lands please. Also centivis, but without nodes it really wouldn't make sense. Tbh the whole chunk based aura system is a bit meh, it breaks a lot though it is convenient.

I was going to discuss addons in this post but this is already really long and I'm tired so I'll save that for another day.

[kozykricket]

big minecraft & terraria thoughtdump

just gonna say, exploration/basing/traversal/whatever in minecraft is a complex topic, because of how many differing views there are on how much travel should even be necessary and its really freakin hard to think about in an INFINITE WORLD as well. big random thought dump time

like i think terraria does the gameplay of exploration better than minecraft ever has or will do it, and thats fine its just because of what terrarias designed after

ah right i have an idea for a post on me having maybe possibly figured out why i like when terraria makes me go on sidequests to biomes vs i dont like when mc does that (its probably mostly bc i view terraria as an exploration game, and also most of the rewards are just relevant to the core gameplay loop, and. well. its a careful balance. locking some qol behind certain things is cool, but sometimes its too much. either way i know vanilla terraria does it greatly) anyways, i think minecrafts in a weird spot but . i do think more unique ore, animal, and hostile mob distribution in biomes... would help increase the desire for players to do stuff outside of just their home base. to actually have more wildly different biomes with outposts at them especially if like, crops grew faster or animals had shorter breeding cooldowns in the "right" biomes but the issue there is like. god i dont care how nice it can be to make paths, i am NOT making infrastructure to anywhere further than like 300 blocks away from my general base area. that'd just get a bit frustrating but also minecrafts kinda. for that? its made for that? idk i also feel like i have a lot i could say on When Tedium is Good vs When Its Bad in games i play a lotta tedious games but theyre like, enjoyable tedium . then theres adding qol to reduce that Fun Tedium is kinda... saddening (calamity m od reference) but adding qol to reduce tedium that really isnt interesting gameplay to anyone is like, yea thats good so i think qol is a careful thing to balance but i think mc needs more qol tbhh. stuff like how we got editing signs in 1.20

um. what else... i just think like. minecraft exploration is weird because ill see something really cool thats far away and itll be like "woah! thats so cool (imagines building something awesome there) well anyways. never gonna come back here" and sometimes the world can get kinda repetitive to the point you just Run Through it. not really any small interesting things to grab along a journey. its gotta either be a significant structure you end up finding (which can end up being either a giant big side adventure which is cool but. i might not wanna commit to that. or its just a desert temple aka a 1 minute excursion where like, why did i even have to do any of this) i think terraria underground exploration nails it with more stuff than just ores, like life crystals and simple cabins with loot. they feel nice to find but then again. i dont wanna ALSO overanalyze whyi love terraria. ive already done that for minecraft and its both a blessing and a curse ill just say i love npc happiness, i love exploration, i love everything terraria has. except master mode and i love many things in minecraft, but i will always be a birdnester. i want to bring everything home with me. even though i think the game should prooobably design around reducing birdnesting just because like, the modern game is Definitely designed around exploration clearly ...i could make a whole post on the differences of the Vibes and Goals of modern mc vs old mc kinda tempted to wonder how many things id change about modern mc to keep all of its features but make it feel like old mc in a way. like, okay, i'd make stuff like frogs and sniffers far less animated. id make things in general feel less intentionally designed.. this post is long. im just gonna stop it here

[browzerhistory]

this started out as tags on a post but i realized i should probably just. make my own post at this point.

anyways ohhhg my god dont even TALK to me about a post-prime trio situation. ill start crying. GOOD GOD the betrayal and even if its post 6-2 that they meet again what would there even be to SAYYYY!!!

chewing on the minosgabe especially because like okay. minos was getting through to him before he was assassinated. gabriel knew that the council (and by extension The Father Himself, though he'd never admit it) were being needlessly cruel to the sinners. not just in lust but through all of hell (he was the closest to the ferrymen but knew of the futility of their devotion for example). but i think it scared him to think about everything he's ever known being a lie, not to mention the threat of getting his light and title stripped if he stepped out of line. so to reconcile it, he followed orders and killed minos. maybe he convinced himself (or was convinced) minos was trying to lead him astray or smthn.

gabriel would not only understand minos wanting to shred him, he'd Want him to. the only way gabriel knows how to make things right is someone getting hurt. so it's natural for him to offer an eye for an eye so to speak. and of course minos would want to kick his ass at first (his whole boss fight speech is pretty indicative of this i think). but given time to think with his Judge Brain, he'd realize death is not fitting for what he did. gabriel wants it to be, but that's because the only kind of justice he knows is the kind the church teaches. minos knows it would be infinitely better (and infinitely crueler, in a way) to let him live with himself.

ohhgggg and sisyphus and minos post prime... this really depends on how one sees their relationship while they were alive. BUT. the dynamic of like. these two who have faced actual hell together and were murdered by the same guy only to come back irreversibly altered in every sense of the world. and despite everything it's still the man they fell in love with but theres so much each went through that the other wont know. BUT THE LOVE IS STILL THERE. (havr you noticed a pattern with me about this theme) godddd and then to have them be faced with gabriel.. also changed deeply from who he used to be but who is still the angel who killed them. (IN A SENSE. because he hasnt had as much Time as the other two. and we all know how the church has to be taken out of someone. piece by bloody piece.) to have gabriel There before them understanding what he did was infinitely fucked and understanding if they want to kill him.

and don't even get me STARTED on gabriel and sisyphus post prime. here is this angel who minos tried to change while he was alive. tried to make him see the injustices of heaven. and sisyphus Saw the progression in his thinking on the rare occasions where they did meet. and maybe he started to hope that things could be different because if even the Righteous Hand Of The Father can have doubts in the system then maybe change is possible. but then gabriel kills both of them on the council's orders. and he knows that dogma is buried deeper in his being than either of them can know, let alone change, like that deer that got shot through the rib but lived and ossified the arrow - but they're on the killing end of it, so what does it matter in the end?

i don't know how they'd cross the bridge of trust at first tbh. i don't think minos would even want to look at gabriel. (he trusted him.) and yeah gabriel changed especially post 6-2/council murder but there's only so far that can take him. like i said above i think minos would let/make him live with what he did. i don't think sisyphus would want to take gabriel out as much, esp. if it's post 6-2 since at that point gabriel is just as holy as they are and killing him wouldn't really change anything. he's changed but he's still got a very long way to go yk?

ugh idk i feel like i could draw this better than i can write it. these are just random characters they don't mean anythingg

[rin-enjoyer]

Ohhh, "A Mask Of My Own Face" is such a Rin song for sure!! Another song that I think really captures those Nohara vibes, for your consideration, is definitely "My Alcoholic Friends" by The Dresden Dolls! :]

What other songs do you think fit her well? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

ohhh man that's so true... that's so true... i know that its like. not About her but that DOESNT matter imagining characters to songs is ALWAYS about the vibes. like.

thats rin!!! right there that's her!!!!!

HEAD IN HANDS. HER FEAR OF BEING KNOWN + DISTASTE TOWARDS BEING A SHINOBI + INABILITY TO IMAGINE HERSELF AS ANYTHING ELSE.

anyways lol. i put a list of other music i associate with her under the cut because i got into the details a little more than i intended to,,, lmao

ocean breathes salty by modest mouse-

youll never guess why this one is on the list lol

GOD. you know. i dont think i even have a concrete explanation for why this rings so true with rin's character but like. you guys see my vision right.

idk the animatic in my head is kind of like,,, rin killing herself as an act of spite. you know.

its the sanbi!!! you see it you see my vision!!!

AND YOU SEE. HOW THE HELL COULD SHE MIND. SURELY ALL SHE EVER FEELS IS CONSUMING APATHY SURELY THE RAGE AND DESPAIR SHE FEELS ARENT AS REAL BECAUSE IF THEY WERE SHE WOULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THEM.

and the resentment about people not knowing her despite the fact that she would actually pass away on the spot if anyone knew her!!!!! falls to the ground dramatically. theres something there.

kitchen fork by jack conte-

ok i'll be real the lyrics for this one dont actually super match up with anything in my head really? like nothing is specifically *rin* its more the music. idk. give it a listen and let me know if im talking any sense at all.

that's why i gave up on music (i like the english cover by rachie)-

song about being torn away from something you love doing and then finally clawing your way back to it and realizing that you dont derive the same joy from it that you once did. now this didnt happen to rin in canon but it IS literally one of the most in-character things she could possibly do (perfectly in line with the way she idealizes her "true self" and denies herself joy if she can come up with an ulterior motive for her actions(IDIOT)) and so. lmao.

like. lmaooooooo

ohhh its the acceptance and the like,,, she KNOWS shes gonna die thats *the only way this story ends.* and shes fine with the dying part. but what if people remember the wrong her??? what if people remember the RIGHT her?? she cant control her image once shes dead!!!!!!

LOCAL PRE-TEEN GIRL IS ONCE AGAIN ATTRIBUTING HER DEPRESSION TO THE FACT THAT SHE IS INTRINSICALLY EMPTY AND IS UNABLE TO FIND HER" TRUE SELF."

T_T

runaway by aurora -

not sure that the vibes of this song are like,,, anything rin would ever admit to herself. because its very much mournful of lost childhood methinks??? and rin hates to acknowledge injustice she experiences with anything besides anger. but you know. i still think theres smth to it.

:|

oh you know. the problems. and the inevitability. the tragedy of team minato was not that they fell apart in the way they did but that they were going to fall apart no matter what ect ect

EMOTIONAL REPRESSION. ok next song ^_^

buzzcut season by lorde-

infinite tsukyomi core? girls when everything they know is an illusion they are willingly believing in because reality is militaristic and horrifying. i actually think ive posted about this before?

yeah you feel me. rin "emotional repression child soldier" belongs here.

and like,,, favorite friend as reference to obt and kks idolizing her but neither of them being as close to her as they are to each other.... OUGHHHH

around the bend by cheesy hfj-

yes this is the credits music for an object show. yes you should watch said object show one is actually really interesting. anyways. look at this shit.

this is literally like theeeee rin watching team minato move on without her like. its about how rin is dead and gone and kks+obt are nt!!! !!! and there's lingering resentment of course, but theres also like,,, idk,,, i think rin thinks a lot more fondly of them once she's dead. you know.

idont even know if this makes sense but To Me its sooo rin. all evenings DO be closing like this.

rose by the oh hellos

let me be real. every oh hellos song ever is on the list of "songs i make rin animatics to in my head" but i dont know if they all deserve to be there because my peak oh hellos phase coincided suspiciously with the beginning of my rin obsession and. there is bias there. i stand by rose tho because like !!!!

THIS IS LITERALLY JUST OBITO DOING HIS WHOLE DEAL!!!! LIKE THIS IS LITERALLY JUST THAT WHOLE THING!!!! INCREDIBLE

and her problems with identity! and her difficulty being honest with anyone including herself!!!!

CAN ANYONE HEAR ME

wails. this is literally a song about assigning meaning through perception and misinterpreting the person you are using to justify all of your actions. head in hands. im not even reaching this is just Straight Up Her

anyways. thanks for the ask it was fun to scrounge through my music!!! ^_^ big big fan of rambling in ways that do not always make logical sense <3 life could be a dream

[definitelynotshouting]

Question because I think I'm reading too much into it, but I keep coming back to this. Xisuma says in a recent chapter he doesn't want to see Grian die again, and when Grian first wakes up he describes his hunger as being like an injury newly healed after respawning.

Did Grian die between the gang getting him in a world so he'd respawn and him waking up the first time?

The line where Xisuma says he doesn't want to see Grian die *again* seems significant, and this was the first possibility I came up with, but idk why they'd be keeping the info that he died and respawned from him, so ... I don't know.

Ah, yeah, that ones not quite so exciting as all that (which would be infinitely cooler than the actual reason) 😭😭😭😭 Xisuma phrased things that way because in his mind, he basically did see Grian die. Like. Logically he knows he didnt, otherwise Grian wouldnt be here, but hes so rattled by what happened that to him that he considers it an equivalent process. Its just Xisuma phrasing his very strong feelings in a confusing and not fully accurate way, which i tend to do a lot with characters-- i like leaving some room for messiness in their dialogue, so sometimes what people say vs what they mean and whats actually true dont fully match up :]

Sorry its not anything more interesting than that!!! The intent of that line of dialogue was to display how strongly he feels about this, and he used the first words he could think of in a fairly intense discussion that represented that. Idk its just smth fun i like to do with dialogue a lot :] consider everyone a slightly unreliable narrator; i dont think theres a single transparent person in this fic actually SKDNSKNDKS

[aita-blorbos]

aita for kicking my friend into a portal to test it?

so i made tech that can allow passage between a literal infinite number of worlds, what i know about these worlds is too hard to explain quickly, but once you understand, does make sense somehow naturally. that bit is a brain thing idk. the worlds are "true infinity", meaning all possible and impossible worlds, down to ones being exactly the same, but are different worlds because they have different interactions and connections with the other worlds.

i guess that kinda makes sense. anyways, i figured out that the world i am in has only one way of connecting to other worlds, which in turn have more connections to more worlds. to make the way out i made a big techy portal because that just happened to be the way to do it from this world, and to test that it worked correctly, while my friend was observing the portal, i pushed him inside and managed to get the information that he was perfectly fine and everything worked, but he was stuck there.

before you immediately say i am the asshole for doing that, i did know for certain that he wouldnt be in danger, honestly, the beings in the world i sent him to would be in more danger probably

i cant tell you how i knew that, or how i knew for certain some of these things.

i also knew, not for certain, but with little room for doubt that i would be able to retrieve him later, and he is definitely the kind of person that would be able to survive a couple days with ease in this kind of situation. not only was the world i sent him to just generally friendly, but he had literally just been watching a lot more random wilderness survival videos for whatever reason. he showed me how to tie a knot the other day and it cut of circulation to my finger and we had to cut the knot off because it was so tight.

back on track here, i guess we'll skip forward a bit actually turns out he was like half-possessed by some kind of evil spirit and is now very much seeking revenge, the problem for him being that i can usually quickly jump between worlds and even though he knows the tech we used probably just as well as me, he had to make it alone and it doesnt work as well as mine. i've just been running and collecting items and learning skills like magic from other worlds. it started like sci-fi and is now somewhere between sci-fi and fantasy and is now somehow both and niether. its a weird story

i have, now, gotten what was coming to me, not by his hand, but by my own bad luck. im now stuck without a way out of a different world, this one being like the storage closet of a theater (not a movie theater, like a play theater with props and costumes and stuff) but infinite. it feels like theres an end or a wall nearby and then you turn the corner and you only see more of those weird metal shelves absolutely covered in props and clothes. it smells like a closet in here. of course it does. i call it kiko because i was in an acting class thingy one time and they called their storage room kiko

but i have internet connection i dont know what world im connecting to the internet of, but it has tumblr, it has my tumblr account, and this seemed like a cool place to put my thingy. this might actually be a good way to escape if it comes to it. might work. or something.

this is really long i definitely think im the asshole, but i also think there wasnt any other way, and i didnt expect him to be possessed there were no evil spirits when i checked it

i hope he sees this and i hope he sees that im sorry and i hope that maybe breaks him out of the spirit thing

okbye

[penguin--person]

Surprise ask 🔫

Share your favorite picture of a cat you've taken recently

And

Share something about Czech language that doesn't occur in English/something that doesn't have an equivalent/etc

AH!! SCARY!!! gonna put it all under the cut as to not flood peoples dashes:3

hmm ... kitty, huh.... i dont know if i know a beast like that:/ is that some kinda alien kinda creature? ive never heard of it so idk. but check out this weirdo

. i know i've already posted this but. she rlly was so sweet to come up and cuddle!! she NEVER jumps on my stomach!! DISLIKES being held!!! so her coming to cuddle when i was in tears . made me cry further!! n she was so kind . so nice. shes just a little kitty dude. though i sitll dont know what a 'kitty' even is. are you prnaking me??:(

mm . theres a lot of stuff like that, But i'm gonna share with you two dumbfuckeries that i hate!! first is!. i Think its called declension? its fucking stupid. its. the word changes based on the context of the sentence. there are seven declensions. theyre "Who, what? without Who, what? To who, what? i see who, what? to call out to who, what? about who, what? with who, what?" this all sounds simple, yea? it is! until you get a sentence like. fucking. god. i dont remember the exact wording but it was like "He saw a tree in a painting". so you'd think the 'tree' will be a fucking. the first declension, yea? "who, what?" because its "where is who, what?" yea? so its gonna be the fucking declension?? you agree with me?? good. well my czech teacher somehow fucking. it was an adjective so fuck me i guess. it WASNT!!!! a fucking adjective!!!

and then the other is fucking. each noun (and adjectives too but those are easy, theerse only two) has a 'model', which depends on its 'gender'. theres three groups, each have four basic models and then the masc gender is just a huge fuck up. theres 'alive' and 'nonalive' models, theres EXTRA models that just!! its!!:( Im sorry you came here to learn something new and im simply complaining. im gonna give you a true fun fact

a thing that you can do in czech is build up on words! you can add a milion sufixes and prefixes and then a thousand Other things that i dont know the terms of. so. the longest czech word is nejneobhospodařovávatelnějšími. haha jk i lied they can get longer, nejzdevětadevadesáteronásobitelnějšími. maybe even longer i dont know. this is fun! this makes it so that each of my cats has a thousand nicknames:3 gonna list out fousek's for you

fousek - fous, fousánek, fousínek, fousáč, fousín, fufík, foufík, fufán, fufínek, fousáček n possibly more that i might be forgetting! dolochovs are. theres way more of them . arthur has the least ,he has like, "artur, arturínek, arťounek, arturák" are the main ones i use! theres More possibilites for diminutives of his name but. tbh i dont like them hehe its My cat and I get to choose his diminutives!!!)

infinite diminuties..

mm . damien . damík , damánek, damoušek, damínek, damča, damoun, damák, damín . i'd call you komín hehe .. u can look up domonik diminutives and replace the o's with a and í/i/á/a i think?

love u dude!!!! have a photo of saffie, a cat that Is mine and Only mind and dont let anyone tell you otherwise shes Mine and Mine alone and Dnot get suspicious shes Mine i acquired her Legally shes My cat ok shes Not my pal theos no shes Not stop Talking shes Mine shes My cat shes a Baby

[cleaduvalls]

43, 44, 57, 94 💗

hehe thank u angel ilyyyyyy sorry this took 5ever i am a hashtag working girl <3333

43: What is your favorite season?

i rly like spring going into summer bc it means winter is finally over but also its not toooooo hot. but also fall is my birthday and i love me :( summer is also pretty sick bc no school but also its SCORCHING in august. idk just not winter. hashtag seasonal depression hashtag i cant feel my toes

44: Do you have any tattoos?

not yet bc Money but i have soooooo many plans for some!! i want an old timey sailor girl pin up on my right thigh, the goddess symbols arranged like the triforce at the nape of my neck, i want my upper left arm to be a patchwork sleeve with the two headed calf n a time gear from pkmn mystery dungeon: explorers n a bunch of flashes, and my brother n i are gonna get matching blue/green player circles from the lego video games :] ALSO MATCHING SPIRITUAL STONES but i need someone to get the gorons ruby

57: Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets?

yes 1000%, the universe is literally infinite, in my mind its not possible we're the only ones. but also i dont believe that theyre way more technologically advanced than us or have made contact with earth, if theres another sentient species theyre probably about as advanced as us. also the majority of alien species are likely microscopic or single celled or plants. also also whatever is out there probably doesnt stick to earths parameters for life (needing water, oxygen, and a third thing i think) so its probably way harder for us to recognize what is alive. also the government feeds into alien conspiracy theories when theyre trying to hide something 👍👍👍👍👍

94: Where would you like to live?

ok like state pride or w/e i love wisconsin but i cannot live here forever oh my god its so cold. current goal is oregon or at least the pnw region but tbh current career plan is probably gonna stick me somewhere coastal and/or humid (im deciding between herpetology and icthyology but both would probably be research??? or i could work at an aquarium and go anywhere. omg i could work at the monterey bay aquarium....... new goal) anyway. no more snow no more bitter winters

[svankmajerbaby]

alright i KNOW its not healthy to hype up something like a season finale when theres already so much at stake but like.........

kyle in her classic cool hat???? now This is the sort of fanservice i live for

also, lexy wearing plaid shirts recently in a sort of way to dress more like jake.... little details that make the show for me you know. love that.

CHUCKY ARMY. absolutely terrifying, both in an in-universe sense (imagine being swarmed by exceptionally violent toddlers...) and also in a technical level..... if the puppeteering in cult of chucky with three dolls in the same shot looks difficult enough, i cannot Imagine..... infinite props to the puppeteers tbh, they deserve all the respect and accolades

is jake talking to devon here?? are they back in his room? if it isnt him, could it be andy?? im so intrigued 👀 if it isnt devon then how did he get in and why?? for devons research??? maybe some recording he left for him? i need Answers...

and this Oh Boy This Shot. what seems like either nica or nica!chucky about to kill?? tiffany but interrupted by a doll.... chucky we must assume. im assuming its nica!chucky bc of how hes positioned, i dont know if nica could manage to sit like that with her legs being paralyzed.... but idk. what most intrigues me is that if its nica!chucky then hes really willing to kill tiffany for deciding to move on to nica??? what???? What Is Happening???????????

and then what i assume is in the same scene, in some order....

i cant make out whats in tiffanys hand, but by the editing it looks so much like That Scene in misery.....

the parallels. Imagine. we need more horror movie references here!!!!

which takes me to the crowning moment...

the climax of the episode/season, taking place at a screening of frankenstein???? jake calling out chuckys name with the scene of the angry villagers behind him??????? all the possible symbolism they can get out of it, with how jake was/is a misunderstood social pariah blamed for the crimes caused by a societal pressure to be "kill or be killed"?? how he is both the misunderstood movie creature and the angry book creature who resents his creation, his father, the society that rejected him??? how the angry villagers in the movie actually both reflect the angry people of hackensack AND the chucky army???? all tied up in a reference to The Original Killer Creation Horror Movie??????????????

[ectonurites]

do u have any thoughts on the whole “tim is zapped to time prison” storyline? bc i feel like it could have been pretty interesting and a good way to bring back young justice/tim’s memories more immediately if it hadn’t been such a blatant attempt to just get tim out of storylines bc they had no ideas for his character

sorry lol u don’t have to respond i just kind of wish people talked about this storyline more? and the fact that tim lowkey became one of the only people in dc with knowledge of the other timelines (i think so at least) and nobody really addressed it?? like going into the next phase where people learn about other timelines after death metal.... tim should already know some of this stuff right?

YES YES YES OKAY LETS TALK ABOUT THIS this got incredibly long because I just have a lot to say (and i included screenshots) and i prob got a little off topic but. but lets get started anyways:

i haven’t read that particular storyline in a few months so i might be missing/misremembering some details here, but that whole ‘time prison + future tim’ thing was like. a really really interesting concept and the implications/impacts it has are a big part of why i liked tynion’s detective comics run as much as i did even with it’s flaws in characterization (such as treating tim like he was jimmy neutron boy genius and making steph..... be all ready to quit/breakaway from the team like that. the steph quitting characterization really started i think in batgirl convergence and unfortunately has haunted her since, even though pre reboot never giving up was like...... one of her defining traits. dc i hate you sometimes) 

i think that one of the biggest things that bothers me about the situation is how little we saw most of the other characters in the batfamily grieve (aside from steph and some with bruce, but again the way steph was portrayed just... hhhhhh. it very much reduced her to ‘tims girlfriend’ more than i’d have preferred) but otherwise like...as far as I can remember there was maybe one line in that monsters crossover thing where dick mentioned tim was gone, jason had a single line about avoiding the funeral in rhato, i dont think they showed any reaction from babs at all until after he was back, and the most for damian I recall is at the end of the 2014 teen titans run (#24) where he looks at... a case with the old red robin uniform Tim wasn’t even wearing anymore when he died? and that just bugs me. Instead of getting to see the actual funeral we get one flashback to it way after the fact once Bruce already knows Tim’s not actually dead

But at the time when they all DID think he was dead? the closest thing we see was in that same teen titans issue (#24) there’s a memorial-type ‘sharing stories’ thing after the funeral with tim’s titans friends but.... we don’t see something like that with his family. tim is a major presence in these peoples’ lives, they are his family, when he gets sent into time prison its even SAID how loved he apparently is

its just... idk. they all thought he was dead, and if they had put more emphasis on showing not just telling how that effected EVERYONE (not just steph) in the batfam, it might have felt a lot less like they were just putting tim away until there was a story idea for him. (like obviously I know they can’t make everyone’s stories revolve around Tim, but I’d have way preferred a detective comics issue of the funeral/memorial with the family than having there only be a teen titans one, I think it would have... held more relevance & meaning... but instead they just went right into that monster crossover story instead of lingering on this)

but then the Tim story itself once it does pick up way later, with titans tomorrow/future tim coming along having that whole “tell conner you’re sorry” “who’s conner?” exchange with current tim... that opens up A LOT of things to think about, and I think was pretty interestingly done if i’m remembering correctly. future tim recognizes the timelines are different, and ya know goes off to try to change things further ("whaddaya got there?” “a gun to kill batwoman” “NO!!!!”), theres lots of fighting etc etc the good guys win as we expect, but once that’s all settled tim’s left there with this whole. thought process

which ya know is the big indicator there’s weird timeline/reality fuckery going on (or also the read here can be that tim and kon are so connected across all space and time that their bond can transcend anything even timelines and realities and reboots... “and they were soulmates” “oh my god they were soulmates”) 

ANYWAYS lets not forget that tim isnt the only one who learns about this other timeline stuff during this whole situation!

Brother Eye has records of future tim’s timeline, and cass & steph see who they used to be! and as soon as steph finds out ‘holy shit i was ROBIN and BATGIRL?’ she also desperately wants to know more! which then a bit later leads into young justice 2019 where instead of going off to college like they told Bruce they were gonna, Steph and Tim go get the help of Zatanna to see what might be going on in their brains with these timelines and weird feelings (as we see in flashback form in yj 2019 #5)

and HOO BOY DOES SHE FIND THINGS! she gets in there and finds out that oh yeah, their brains had very much so been tampered with, and with her magic she undoes some of it, by unlocking memories, and Tim finally remembers Conner! (also in case u were wondering, that panel is specifically a callback to this one from yj 1998 #17 when Cissie quit the team)

one thing that I think is weird/interesting/idk if it gets... properly addressed even, was that Zatanna also poked around Steph’s brain too and she didn’t remember everything? Might have something to do even with how Tim had been in time prison, might have taken less work from Z to open things up because of that? Who knows

additionally i wanna call attention to how he said “That entire chapter of my life” which... leading into my next point a bit... strongly leads me to believe even though he’s remembering some things he definitely does not have ALL of his memories back (because theres a lot more than just the young justice ‘chapter’ of tim’s life that was drastically changed by the new 52 & rebirth) 

BUT moving on, i wanna bring up this part from later on (after they figured out that there was a crisis that caused things in the world to change, which is why their memories/brains were messed with) in issue #16

so yeah, I think it’s indicated even though Zatanna brought back some memories and opened up his brain a bit, there’s still many holes, and some things seem more like dreams rather than memories and he’s probably unable to tell which are which on his own to some extent. (also for reference the real thing that Tim thought was just a dream is... likely yj 1998 issue #1)

So based on the things i’ve brought up here (which are the things I remember off the top of my head, I could easily be accidentally leaving shit out LMAO i haven’t fully read through any of these books in at least 3 or more months now) I think it’s safe to assume that Tim definitely has a head start on getting back his memories before Death Metal happens, but that it was by no means a complete thing. So the after effects of Death Metal are probably just gonna... be a little less drastic for him vs most other people because it was already happening, but it’ll be kinda filling in the remaining gaps? 

And like you said he is absolutely one of the few people that already knew about about the timelines/the fact that these crises have happened and changed things, but pretty much all the other young justice characters are also aware that there was meddling in the timeline/that multiple timelines and alternate universes like this exist since they were all together as a group when it got explained (in like. yj 2019 #15 i believe is where most of the explaining happens) (and cass as well is aware of things to some extent because of her and steph’s interaction with Brother Eye) but the difference is that Zatanna didn’t go into everyone’s brains, so they aren’t dealing with the same memory things as Tim (and possibly Steph? because again Z DID go in her brain, she just wasn’t able to unlock all the same things as she did with Tim) 

but yeah in general i SO wish this was explored more, both in canon and in fanworks (fanworks tho... that can still happen >:3c). Memories hazily coming in for Tim while Kon and Bart are able to confirm or deny things, him dealing with conflicting memories and feelings about his past as they trickle in... like I think we’ll start to see these types of things moving forward across a lot of titles with Infinite Frontier (i BELIEVE dont quote me on this but I BELIEVE the person writing Damian’s upcoming solo had mentioned in an interview that the memories coming back of the other timeline aren’t going to be an all at once thing but will be more gradual for most characters) but the fact that it theoretically had already been happening for Tim for MONTHS and we only got that one crumb indicating it in #16 of it instead of any actual exploration makes me SAAAAAAD 

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

[teethands]

FF HEADCANON LIST

CRACKS KNUCKLES these are all imported from google docs bc thats where ive been keeping all my thoughts :] im not sure if theres any repeat HCs in here and im sorry if someones got to me before i have but these all came from my own brain !!! these are all very miscellaneous HCs but they generally revolve around vivosaurs and revival. some of them are rather macabre so a solid CW warning here for mentions of dinosaur body horror and death. ALSO SPOILERS FOR FOSSIL FIGHTERS 1 AND 2 BUT MOSTLY 2 LETS GO

modern boneysaurs/zombiesaurs

i think it is entirely possible to replicate a boney/zombiesaur outside of whatever sorcery zongazonga used to resurrect them in the first place. i think its relatively well known undead vivosaurs are a direct result of ZZ and his ancient tournament, and although zombiesaurs are usually claimed to be used in such tournaments most often, i think boneysaurs are just a variant of that but where less used due to weakness and general incompatibility. theyre all undead vivosaurs. thats it. on to the meat of this headcanon, boney/zombiesaur resurrection: i think zombiesaurs could be the result of attempting to revive a deceased vivosaur, while boneysaurs might be caused by man or machine malfunction while reviving a fossil. i think this might be an interchangeable effect: zombiesaurs might emerge from resurrections, and boneysaurs might emerge from revivals, although altogether i think this entire phenomenon is extremely rare. fossil revival goes entirely against the laws of nature and thus, nature must step in at some points to attempt to stop the process, although common fossil park high-tech machinery probably stops most instances like this from happening. boneysaurs emerging from failed revivals are almost always the cause of very poor cleaning, (maybe attempting to revive a heavily damaged, failed fossil head?) or outdated/unkempt fossil revival machinery. boney/zombiesaurs were so common in ZZ’s time because of such poor methods of revival. at some point during a “doomed” fossil revival, the skin and flesh of the vivosaur its supposed to resemble never quite “renders” in. the skin is registered and stitched together, but only holds the bones in place with an unknown black substance, leaving it void black in the same way a texture in a video game may just fail to load. presumably boneysaurs are almost always immediately dead in the revival chamber after the process is over due to lack of functioning organs, skin, etc, without some kind of support or magic. or maybe they are magic- every bad unnatural part of a revival machine fused into one being, and thats what allows them to live on. on the other hand, this could mean any type of boneysaur could emerge from any dinosaur- pterosaurs, therizinosaurs, raptors, maybe- maybe- just a thought, maybe even super revival vivosaurs could have this effect happen too. so, so rarely though. so rarely, its probably never even happened before in recorded vivosaur revival history. 

as for zombiesaurs- this phenomenon could happen when a recently deceased vivosaur is attempted revival. recently deceased, as in, undecayed flesh-still-in-tact. i imagine this happens much more often than boneysaurs- although, i dont think many people are trying to revive dead vivosaurs.

zombiesaurs, fresh from the revival chamber, are almost always damned and in pain, and serve as a reminder to fighters that the laws of nature can only be twisted so far, and they are best be put down. presumably no fossil cleaning facilities will allow a fighter to attempt to revive a dead vivosaur due to the danger and the frightening, disturbing nature of zombiesaurs. fossil damage + neon goo every fighter has encountered the bright purple (green in the OG FF) substance that appears during cleaning when a fossil is too damaged in one area. this material wouldnt be produced from the fossil itself, but rather generated by the fossil cleaning machinery when it detects damage within the bone, kinda like a 3D printer. this is why fossil cleaning is so meticulous, and why it has to be done in such specific conditions with heavy surveillance and a tight time limit. this prevents the vivosaur from having broken bones when it is revived- it is a bright, obvious substance, and it feels much like a warm, firm jelly with a hard, synthetic core that sews bones together. maybe its different in other regions, explaining the color difference amongst games. it is almost completely unnoticeable when the vivosaur is revived, nearly perfectly mimicking bone and flesh to prevent issues later on in the vivosaurs life. as good of a bone mimic as it might be, i think a very heavily damaged bone would still be a weak point during battle or an area of pain or irritation for the vivosaur. that is why it is best to clean your fossils as well as you can. maybe this goo is designed to be replaced with real bone by the vivosaurs body later in life, but i have yet to think about that too much. perhaps its soft enough to be destroyed and replaced by the body’s natural healing functions, but hard enough to act as bone? And perhaps thats why its best to let your vivosaur rank up (rest+heal) before taking them to battle. UNRELATED HEADCANON- GUHNASH COULD HAVE HAD A COOLER DESIGN. I DONT LIKE HIM HE LOOKS LIKE A TADPOLE. i have a vision in mind for a cooler guhnash redesign- i like the snake-ish look, but maybe he could be like. an infinitely long being. nobody knows where he starts or ends. a head at the front of an infinitely massive body that consumes everything, and nobody knows where the eaten planets goes. kinda like a jörmungandr-like being. idk i just think a “planet eater” with living brains should be more eldritch and god-like and mysterious. ANYWAYS vivosaur ecosystems? there is literally no way a vivo ecosystem wouldnt form. NO WAY. so many dinosaurs and seeing how OFTEN they are abandoned- refer to the opening scene of fossil fighters champions- it would not be any surprise feral vivosaurs wouldnt breed and form small ecosystems among themselves and around fossil parks. its not an uncommon sight to see pterosaurs flying overhead or sauropods munching on trees, although id bet theropods and more dangerous vivosaurs would have teams of park rangers to keep them under control. refer once again to FFC opening scene. this would explain the seemingly infinite amount of fossils in the dig sites, how you can find vivosaurs in only specific areas- although thats leading into a rather dark topic and i would rather not talk about it right now LOL i will leave that open to interpretation. jurassic park knock off SOME OTHER LITTLE MISC HCS TOO SHORT TO WRITE ENTIRE TOPICS ABOUT: because ZZ is a mix of boneysaur and zombiesaur and hes also an ancient sorcerer he smells fucking rank. so fucking bad. hes got maggots and shit hes only held together by magic but somehow he kicks ass. but hes fucking stinky so at what cost boneysaurs have no concept of feelings and arent really desirable as vivos and zombiesaurs only know rage and pain, also making them undesirable, for very very good reasons. they are taboo to talk about among fighters but most of the time they are only myths because of how rare they are feral vivosaurs dont have medals, only revived vivos do. that means they are standalone animals and they are also generally undesirable for fighters but they can still be tamed, if one wishes. theres way, WAY more fossil parks and dig sites than shown in the games. fossil battling is as well known and used as much as people love music and video games in the fossil fighters universe. vivosaurs are an essential part of society, although there is often controversy on the ethics of fossil battles and revival. pokemon knock off alright thats all i feel like typing for now thanks for reading this far lads. i love dinossuars. i wanna write some things on dinaurians but maybe later after ive introduced saar here :)

[mousehole5000]

wow i made this draft on november 1st i really took a break from this huh anyway tgcf chapters 121 - 142

i realize now this coffin scene was inevitable. feel kinda weird about hua cheng  back and forth from Teen to Big Man but it is very funny that theyre having their “dude dont look at my boner” moment while in the jaws of a water dragon

pei ming: why didnt you guys make a bigger coffin so you didnt have to squish together like that? xie lian: haha yep!! anyways what brings you here?

“In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse! Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.” - king of minding his own business.

okay this is where i stopped putting notes here for a while but i did save some in my e-reader so here’s some of the highlights

“Guzi used to have a good sleeping form, but perhaps with his cheap dad’s bad influence, now he was also spread out on top of Qi Rong’s stomach like a dead fish. Lang Ying himself was curled neatly in the corner, and was covered by a few shirts. Xie Lian lifted the blanket covering Qi Rong, suppressed the urge to smother his face, and covered the two small children.” - xie lian funny moments. also it would be really funny if qi rong redeems himself by learning love through these misfit chiildren and it might actually endear me to him but i hope that doesnt happen

Every heavenly official was yelling, and even Ling Wen was throwing a fit. “DON’T THROW EVERY BIT OF USELESS INFORMATION MY WAY, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY DAY? DON’T YOU ALL KNOW TO USE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE BEFORE ASKING ME?!” - ling wen marry me right now

“An expression like “seen a ghost” that only mortals experienced was now showing on his face for the first time. Shi Wudu’s pupils shrank to the smallest they could, and he blurted, “You’re still alive?!” “I’m dead!” He Xuan said coldly.” - okay everythings going tits up rn but i did laugh

i did see spoilers re: ming yi/he xuan reveal + shi wudu’s fate beforehand so i dont have a genuine reaction other than oh shit

“He slowly enunciated each word. “I won’t touch your fate. But, here in this place, chop off your brother’s head for me.”  CLANG! He threw a rusty blade onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan stared at that blade, his eyes wide. He Xuan continued, “Then, never show yourself before me again, and I will pretend you’ve never existed in this world.” - okay idk what else is going to happen but rn im concerned that this is like the 2nd biggest ship. i guess we’ll see?? i mean i am really curious whats going to happen to them. shi qingxuan keeps calling he xuan “ming-xiong” and i... sad

shi wudu im not really invested in you as a character but these next two bits... interesting

“If I don’t die but have nothing, then that’s truly a fate worse than death. If I’m not the Water God, I can’t take care of you. I won’t even be able to protect myself. I’m scared that we won’t even last two days…TAKE IT!” - damn. something about the wealthy losing everything and not knowing how to live without it bc thats their entire life and identity

“EVERYTHING I HAVE TODAY, I FOUGHT FOR MYSELF. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I DON’T HAVE. I WILL CHANGE FATE I DON’T POSSESS. MY FATE IS UP TO ME AND NOT THE HEAVENS!” - okay so the whole committing spiritual fraud by tormenting a man and his family to get your brother a cushy title thing aside this was kind of badass. heretical? possibly. but still. also is he intentionally riling up he xuan so sqx doesnt have to kill him? if so damn...

also okay as long as im here im just gonna say it. the choice that he xuan gives shi qingxuan is fucking brutal but i actually think its probably as fair as it could be. sqx didnt know about or participate in what happened to hx but they did benefit from it greatly while hx lost EVERYTHING and i can understand he xuan’s thinking of “if you really feel bad for what happened to me then you have to make a sacrifice and understand the suffering and this is as clean as its going to get” and theres a bit where sqx is trying to beg for mercy but cant get the words out which im guessing is bc theres no good argument!! what happened was fucked up!!

“When Pei Ming saw that reinforcements had arrived, he didn’t appear particularly delighted; instead he threw the sword into the ground, then rubbed his nose and said, sounding grim, “You all just had to come just as I finished making these, what the heck.” - pei ming making coffins chopping down trees with his sword i love it #wastehistime2k17

“Xie Lian brought that basket of eggs along, and gave them away as souvenirs from the mortal realm. Many who received the eggs were overjoyed; some deciding to eat it along with their own blood, and some proclaiming they would hatch an eight-foot monster.” - GHOST CITY GHOST CITY

“Placing the brush down, he blew lightly at the ink and smiled. “If I like something, then my heart will not have room for any other, and I’ll always treasure it. A thousand times, a million times, no matter how many years, this will not change. This poem is the same." - thats nice and all but king... get therapy. i actually have further thoughts but tbh i dont want to put them into words bc they are simply too personal! moving on

didnt take any notes but somewhere in here was the bit with mount tong’lu opening and hua cheng losing it and kind of um. hm. that scene. thats another trope i really hate tbh i dont care for it as a way of including physical intimacy between characters and idk if it really ever adds anything but whatever moving on

The Half-Maquillage Woman - kind of interesting monster idea bc women and aging…. yeah. however i think this would be a lot stronger if there were a) more girls and this was b) discussed or illustrated at all prior to this moment. still interesting that its included knowing the author is a woman tho and there’s been comments on how ling wen is perceived vs pei ming. this book does keep giving me hope for interesting female character arcs i really want it to deliver something

quan yizhen..... i get u

lmao i have a note on a bit with lang ying that says “please dont be hc in disguise” and..... my clown nose was on but at least i knew that. for real this is bothering me how much he’s just. always. there. i know he’s a lead but we didn’t really need him around for a lot of this. oh well.  okay now to my current notes

“Yet it was precisely because it wasn’t cooked that it had to be eaten quickly. Once Xie Lian cooked it, it wouldn’t be edible anymore” - fucking fantastic

“Xie Lian hugged his belly. “Of course! Only after having met you did I rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy, hahaha…” Hearing this, Hua Cheng blinked. Xie Lian’s laughter quieted a bit, realizing what he just said was a little too revealing.” - okay i know i said what i said about being tired of hua cheng being everywhere but... the line…. the fact that theyre laughing together…. :pleading:

“It’s not,” Ling Wen said. “At least, I believe, there will definitely not be another in history who can create a dish called ‘Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs’” - and truer words were never spoken

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS. “I, AM GOD!” - this was every bit as badass as i hoped but no one told me it was immediately followed up by a little bit of the ol dinner theater fjalkdsfjsd. also puqi shrine noooooooooo

“Xie Lian sighed as he thought, “Qi Rong has taken Guzi away, who knows if the poor child was eaten or abandoned. Wind Master...... ..... who knows if Black Water took him away. Pray they’re both safe.” yeah hey are we going to fucknig. find out what happened to the child???

and yeah i dooooont really care for the age regression? thing thats going on. i just dont like that trope tbh. but tiny hua cheng whipping out his fat ghost king wallet in the store was funny tho. it is really funny that hualian are just like wandering around some random towns while the heavens are in an uproar. i guess theres not much else to do but its funny

“Me too, me too. You all know of my shixiong, right? Talented, with an infinite future! He only had one small vice: he loved playing women. Decades ago, a little prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry into human jerky, and that Hua, Hua, Hua, that ghost king dared shelter her.” - yes omg give me the forbidden hua cheng lore i love this for him for real it goes along nicely with xie lian’s principles about giving another cup. god i love shared values

“Hua Cheng poked again, and a small hole appeared on the wall, as if the wall was made of tofu.” - how’d he do that. why is this a ghost king power. its useful tho

*me shaking qi rong when he pops up* WHERE IS THE CHILD

mu qing fu yao is here okay im happy now. once again no one has a good grasp on their secret identity and i love that. this inn has descended into chaos and im delighted and im glad lan chang is back

“The good ol’ kitchen was suddenly squished and crowded, loud and noisy. Fu Yao was chasing that fetus spirit leaping up and down, Lan Chang was chasing after Fu Yao like she had gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face changed shape by the way Xie Lian was pressing him down on the chopping board, his back turning into a target for those yellow talismans Fu Yao hurled while being observed by a crowd, and Lan Chang would step on him from time to time.” - this is pure chaos. i love that mu qing was in that room when the mob checked and he didnt say a word didnt open the door just sent out a talisman as a warning. king your disguise is transparent

“Xie Lian remembered the way Feng Xin laughed until he was hoarse when he first heard that verbal password all those years back, and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, even though it wasn’t the right time.” - awwwww omg im emotional about this... faithful friend feng xin laughing at xie lian’s stupid joke password and remembering it!!! ;_;

“They have, but they’re not effective,” Feng Xin said. “Usually they’re the most diligent in scorning the Palace of Ling Wen, like they could do the job way better if they had the position. Now that we need them to take up the task, not a single one can do even half of what she does.” - typical... typical typical typical

also emotional about the fact that feng xin contacted xie lian at all.....

also!! emotional about lan chang as a mom and wanting to help out sick lil guzi.....

xie lian forcing “fu yao” to let him help “his general” is making me.... what is friendship if not playing along with your buddies little shenanigans while also making them accept your help

“Someone like Mu Qing, even though he’s narrow-minded, petty, sensitive and skeptical, has a bad personality, constantly guessing, doesn’t say nice things, likes to nag, always offending people and has a lot of people who dislike him, has no friends, can remember small, unimportant details for a long period of time…” ”Xie Lian went on in one breath with a straight face, but in the end he concluded with, “...But I’ve known him since we were kids, after all, he’s still got principles.” - XIE LIAN PLEASE AFJDLKSFJDL omg ive seen this quote before but i figured he was talking to someone else not actually to mu qing himself fgjasdkfjsl. god thats amazing. hey im gonna help you out because i care but i will roast you first <3

waaaaaait so is lan chang aka jian lan that girl from book 2 we took a page to talk about and then disappeared? that has to be it why else would we have stopped to discuss her

“Jian Lan spat on his face, then choking his neck, she slapped him twice again. “WHAT SHITTY SUPREME! YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THINK YOU’RE EVEN WORTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS EQUALS WITH THE OTHER THREE SUPREMES? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD AT? YOUR THICK SKIN? OF COURSE I DARE HIT YOU!” - oh this feels so good i cant lie. YES GET HIM!! CHOMPING AND VIOLENCE YES!!!!

okay this description of cuocuo.... im... that sure the hell is a creature

this book is so entertaining bc i already saw spoilers for the feng xin/jian lan/cuo cuo reveal and yet i could never have predicted the circumstances that brought it about. imagine being feng xin. the heavens are in an uproar and your only friend/enemy has been jailed for possible fetus spirit-related crimes but he escapes along with this female ghost who keeps causing problems. you figure “fuck it lets see if dianxia kept his old phone number” and he has but then he hangs up on you. you’ve got fuckall else to do so you go find him. mu qing is there but he’s in his disguise the two of you were using so you could watch over his highness while staying aloof. you think you see hua cheng only he’s a chiild for some goddamn reason but who knows at this point. the female ghost is also there and theres a fetus spirit climbing trees and biting your arrows in half. you realize the female ghost is your ex and the little demon is your son. it bites you. what do you do

amazing that despite everything going on everyone is still playing along with the “fu yao” persona when it would probably be easier to drop pretenses at this point. then again tbh if i could explain my actions to my friends while pretending to be a third party.... i probably would so.. carry on

“With all his devotees gone, only Feng Xin still treated him like the Flower-Crowned Martial God and His Highness the Crown Prince. ” “...his protection charms were all seen as trash. However, Feng Xin was still determined and tireless in handing them out; telling Xie Lian, look, you still have devotees.” “After all, he was the darling of the heavens since birth, high and mighty. Feng Xin so naturally spun around him like he was the world, so how could he possibly have his own life, his own heart” “Whether or not that fetus spirit was Feng Xin’s son, if it was that period of poverty that made Feng Xin lose the girl he loved, Xie Lian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself no matter what." ohhhh my god this relationship i. im...

oh my god i still have 30 more chapters until book 4............ its naptime now i think

[fairycosmos]

I don't think I can go on living for much longer and I don't have anyone I can talk to. No one wants to help me. They all pretend they care, but I know they're lying. I just want to go home. I know I don't belong here.

hey love. i'm so fuckin sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time right now. idk the specifics of what is going on or what had lead you to this point - and i think to some extent, it's ok to process negative emotions. to cry, to breakdown sometimes, to not have it all figured out. but if you truly want the weight of it to be lifted you have to try to recognise the difference between having these urges and acting on them, between the lies that your mental illness is trying to convince you of, and the objective truth. it's normal to feel like you don't belong here because life is about continuously carving places for yourself out of the world. it's easy to believe in giving up, to not question anything your brain is telling you, but just taking 5 minutes a day to ground yourself in reality could make a huge difference. i absolutely promier that you do not have to end your life in order for things to change. it's inevitable if you stick around long enough. you want peace and harming yourself is not the way to find it, not when there are so many other ways that are a hundred times more substantial. i know you're tired. i know the thought of putting in effort is exhausting, and seems impossible when you don't give a shit about your own wellbeing. but for now i'm simply just asking you to consider other alternatives, to block out the voice that tells you it's pointless. why do you think the people around you are lying? do you have genuine proof of this, or do you think it could be a tactic your brain is using so you further isolate yourself, feeding into the self destructive cycle? mental illness often makes us think in absolutes, to believe things that fit our self hating narrative even if they're not true - but i know you're strong enough to counteract this. you are. think of one person you trust, or that you want to trust, and then consider what you can actually do about that fact. you sent this ask for a reason and i'm so glad you did, because it shows that you're able to reach out, that you're able to put your thoughts into words bc some part of you still knows theres a chance. use that feeling in your actual life. you don't have to go into great detail, you just have to admit to that you're not ok and that you think you need additional support. whether it be a family member, a friend, anyone..... it's alright for it to feel embarrassing, it's alright to not know exactly what to say. it's about communicating and letting yourself be vulnerable. please try to prioritize the importance of that over what your mind is telling you. and if that's not an option, there are numerous helplines and support groups available, or you could make an appointment with your doctor to see if he/she can refer you to someone. suicidal thoughts, while not normal, are somewhat common and there is A LOT that can be done to identify the root causes of them, to begin learning healthier coping mechanisms so they don't take over your life etc. i know this is all unexplainably difficult. i know that your brain is only allowing you to see sense in the things that harm you. but i'm telling you from an indisputable outsiders perspective - you have so much worth. you are supposed to be here. taking away your own future over thoughts and feelings that can be otherwise tackled is not going to solve anything. it's ok to be sad but it's not ok to let it dictate all aspects of you, which is easier said than done, but a professional can show you how to achieve that over time. you honestly have the rest of eternity to be dead and only this very short, infinitely rare moment to be alive. please don't take that away from yourself, please try to let the weight of your own significance sink in. even if you can't fully believe me, just recognise it as a possibility for now. all of this is so fuckin temporary, above all else, and that's the biggest trick of mental illness. because it totally convinces you that the pain will always be this intense, but it won't. please consider what you need to do for your own health, even if it goes against everything you're feeling. just finding one person, between hotlines and doctors and family and friends, is good enough. give them the chance to be there for you. they will appreciate the honesty. it's ok if you need time to work up to it. it's ok to be afraid, and there is no deadline of rush. all of this is a process and the urge to give up will always be a part of it, but you deserve so much better than that. and it's waiting for you, if you have a bit of faith in/empathy for your future self. okay? take this one day at a time and let that be enough, because the only factor you can control entirely, is the present moment. it's about looking at what you need VS what you want and knowing there's productivity and peace in choosing the former. you don't have to worry about anything else, it's all an abstract and ever changing concept. you can and will pull yourself back from the brink of this because you are the only person who can, and you have the tools to do so. i would hate hate hate for you to act impulsively and then regret the choice you made once it was completely irreversible. which would likely be the outcome. there are so many people, no matter how much you won't want to accept it, who will help you if you let them know there's a problem in the first place. taking that initial step is one of the hardest and most freeing parts, and you are fuckin capable. even if some days all you do is cry and hold you back, even if sometimes it all feels genuinely impossible, please take a breath and stick around. you are not an exception to the rule and happiness is not linear or constant - but it is out there waiting for you, in so many different forms. it's alright if you can't bring yourself to believe me right now. and it's ok to be sad, but it's not ok to let it control the fate of your entire human existence. which is a lot easier said than done, but a professional will literally show you how to achieve that. please, try to take a step back and acknowledge the falsity, the pointlessness, of the self destructive cycle. you have the power to break it, one small effort at a time. and it doesn't have to be an every day thing - even just making the conscious choice to practice a self compassionate or healthy coping mechanism a few times a week (even if u feel stupid), will make a difference. like i said before, there are so many avenues to peace that don't involve hurting yourself. okay? i believe in you with all my heart and i know you're doing better than you realize just by sending this. i'm sending you a lot of love and lending you strength whenever you need it. if you want to talk please message me anytime. you are not alone, and so many of us understand. take it one day at a time.

https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines