#idk why im not having thoughts. i wish i was. i kinda feel like im knocked out of orbit except i don’t actually feel anything at all
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mmmmm heyyy👁️. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.
#it was so good tho#like so cool i was internally freaking out about how cool things looked#the fight scenes🤌#the environments/settings🤌#all of the fuckin machinery🤌#the acting🤌#the everything🤌#yum#also i dont find austin butler attractive but funnily enough feyd was the only time ive found him hot😭 yes i have issues. but like. okayyy..#i watched it alone and i wish doing things alone wasnt seen as such a weird or sad thing like. theres nothing wrong with it#sorta vent->#but basically ive been feeling like an annoying piece of shit so ive been staying off of here for the most part#because ive been convincing myself no one likes me and everyone in my life would be better off without me😝😝#just tee bee ehch#and idk i was just feeling like ass and was doing nothing and when i finally would go to use tumblr i was already too tired to do shit#so i just went to sleep#and i was busy today#yesterday*#and ill probably be a bit busy today too but idk maybe hopefully ill catch up a bit#idk ya boys just been hating himself like usual but not as usual bc it was worse but it is what it is#i felt a bit better yesterday though#and also my new antidepressants ive been on havent been doing shit for me so im going back to a previous one i used to be on so yea#hopefully that helps soonish idk#i never vent on here so i feel kinda bad for doing so but i just wanted to puke my thoughts here#also since im already here complaining ive just like. not written at allllllll basically like i got into my head and made myself discouraged#so. that sucks. but also nothing out of the ordinary there#why does Everything i say sound so embarrassingly depressing and pathetic hhhhhhhgggggggggggggghhhghghg#anyways yea i was doing bad im still not doing good but hopefully will be a bit better so ill be back and caught up later today or tomorrow#idk if anyone gave a fuck or noticed but i just like complaining into the void so yea#talkin shit
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#ranting here to destroy later#the power of positive thinking can only get you so far you know#and im kinda bummed- i wish i had an answer of things and i wish i wasnt as a big care-er as i am#i think its a good thing- but it leads to a lot of pain - i also think polyamory is something that got so demonized#that when it could be good there is still this lens with society that makes those who might be ok with it feel like they have to second gue#i mean maybe its just me#maybe ive been missing all the key words here#But it is frustrating when I ask “just say you dont like me like that” or “im not attracted to you” and those words dont come out#I need some closure and truth#and the thing is#if yorue not saying those things because theyre not true#why cant you just hold my hand and see where it goes because im not one to let people go#i know im probably the problem here because i dont know the meaning of slow#but why do you stick around if you dont want to be here#or maybe thats why youre gunna slowly stop texting over time#idk im probs making this all up but thank god i have tumblr to not tell this all to you lmao#Sean and i care#you deserve that#but dam#i wish i could stop thinking about you in a way that would at least let me go get laid lmao#and ill be fine for sure#give it a few weeks- your so worth being just friends with if thats all we turn out to be#you make sean laugh so much and make me super happy so if thats all we “get” to be then ill be fine! but right now? damn im confused ahah#the good news is none of you know who this is about and can say anything to him so when i come delete this train of thought ill be SAFE aha
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to be like frank here, redemption is an ever going cycle. when youve been the problem, the toxic ex, the abuser, you have to know you will have to apologize for that for the rest of your life. you will always have to live with the guilt and conscience of knowing how you hurt that person, or mutliple people. and you have to constantly CHOOSE to not repeat that behavior, and its not easy.
when you meet a new friend the topic of who you used to be will come up eventually, and if you have changed youll be honest with who you were. you cant run from it. you cant try to round the corners and make it seem like the other persons fault, or like it wasnt as bad as it was. its really really scary. because everytime you open up about it, its not just the wound of guilt but its also the fear that theyre going to look inside and not like what theyll see.
but you have to keep moving on and you have to keep being honest. and you have to remember that everyone is applicaple for redemption, you just have to work for it and admitting you were wrong with no buts is the first step.
#anyways cna u tell im kinda going thru it LOL#ive always been a toxic person thats why ive sort of secluded myself from society i avoid human contact w non household members as much as#possible bcuz i feel honestly like im a ticking time bomb that just hurts everything i touch#i dont think its fair to have to have someone deal w my shit when its such an emotional turmoil so even though i want friends im making my#peace w the fact that i like honestl dont really deserve rhem? ik this seems MOPEY but its like this is my geniune non like baiting thoughts#i was an abuser in high school and in an abusive relationship where for the first half i was the perpetrator. i hit my ex and u know i dont#even have anything to add to it other than it was fucked up. i was selfish in bed and sex addicted and sometimes did anything for my fix.#i will and cannot lie about my past as being a shitty person. its scary to say and post but i have to be honest thats who i was that IS a#part of my history as much as i wish i could i cannot erase.#i dont rly even know what to add here honestly. just watching mias vid got me thinking u know#there is more to this story ofc the same ex i was abusive to was also abusive to me it was just split into segments. like i was the problem#for the first year and a half then it switched to them but its not rly rhe best place 2 share that story when im talking about my mistakes#im not trying to detract here i just want 2 get this shit off my chest again. ive talked about it before but not since remaking a few times#anyways i dont have any excuses well i mean i can pull a bunch out but im not going to cuz at the end of the day i shouldve known better#than to be a bitch when i knew i was being a bitch u know?#being the bad guy is a constant struggle where u will have to really really fucking fight yourself tooth and nail to change and i want to be#that person. i want to be someone who can be 100% honest about how shit i was to myself and others (which i do already do to my friends)#hopefully this makes sense idk anyways if ur struggling with being abusive or toxic im here for u. u can get through this and you can be a#good person it is within ur hands i promise u#ok love u goodnight#personal
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ok maybe I'm crazy but am I the only one that feels like botw and totk, are making the things that made LoZ as a series special just... aren't special anymore?
#like#i get that its a weird complicated issue#and i know that both games are revolutionary and gorgeous#but if im honest ive been starting to feel resentment towards botw and i think its cause it just made everything#about the characters and the story so trifling#the fact that it was all optional makes it seem that its really not that important and why should you care?#idk i have a lot of thoughts and feelings#i really wish i was excited about totk but if im honest i#im kinda not#i feel more disappointed more than anything#unpopular opinion but i dont want my LoZ to be a tech demo#if youre gonna do that just make a new ip#but what do i know im just some bitch#man#loz#loz rant#botw#totk
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ok so you've heard of the 'I liked this before it was popular' crowd, now get ready for the equally insufferable 'I disliked this thing when everyone else liked it & now everyone hates it so I feel smug' lot lol...
#personal#nothing is more frustrating that people trying to make u feel bad for liking a thing when said thing was popular#just cos now the thing is now seen as bad#ive seen this sorta thing a lottt in regards to things like harry potter#& like yh there are many MANY valid critiques & jk rowling is a bigot#but trying to claim moral superiority just cos u never got into the books is so fucking dumb imo#and just to b clear i know the appeal of this kinda thing cos when the last star wars film was poorly received#i was incredibly smug at having never gotten intothe franchise#plus when got final series was shit i was part of the 'i stopped around s4' lot#so i get it i get why u wanna push down against things that u used to b slated for criticising#but i just wished people did it w/ more tact u kno??#i also see this a lot w/ cancelled celebs btw#people being like oh i always thought (someone) was never actually talented or attractive#which is just reductive#cos newsflash sometimes assholes produce good art! that's just a reality#& claiming 'this thing was never good because this celebrity is cancelled now' is just so dumb lol#idk im probs not explaining this well#& i kno a lot of people who do this r young#but it's still frustrating....#(what kinda sparkef this was people talking about p!atd & how it was oNly good when it was the original line up)#(which is just... not true lol... but yh anyway these tags r too long u get the picture lol)
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retreat day 2 done. feeling good but weird
#purrs#for one thing i just ate three (3) (!!!!) bags of pretzels which are the first pretzels ive had in like almost a decade maybe. but for anoth#another…. idk. im not learning abt myself or having insights like i thought i would. im just kind of executing a thing. and also im having s#surface level interactions for the most part… but maybe that’s fine. it’s just i don’t feel like i fit with the staff but also im not a#student anymore and it literally does not matter at all but im in my head about it. except i don’t feel that very much or much of anything a#at all. today has mostly just been surviving and taking notes abt ppl in my pod (the pod is doing good btw they are still not going deep but#they are connecting and working surprisingly well together which is good) and not really using other parts of my brain and im not used to th#that. tomorrow is gonna be so hard though im scared lol. and im scared i’ll oversleep#idk why im not having thoughts. i wish i was. i kinda feel like im knocked out of orbit except i don’t actually feel anything at all#also covid has hit hard in surprising ways. literally no one is hanging out in the community room after hours. like wtf! that’s unheard of!!#retreat tag
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WHAT
#I just FINISHED supernatural and have about FOURHUNDREDMILLION FEELINGS#WHAT#WHAT WAS THAT IM#I#WHAAT#I thought it ended at like 5 different points and cried SO MUCH????? I didn’t expect to still care so dang much but I guess they still#own a piece of me oh god#spn spoilers#from now maybe idk but I don’t want to spoil anyone and idk if anyone will read the tags but JUST IN CASE#‘Cas helped’ well see that means Cas is in heaven too and that makes this so much easier I was so scared#for a second I thought Dean is in heaven Cas is in the empty and Sam is on Earth but no#now they’re all in heaven and you betcha Cas is hanging out with Dean now aww now it is kinda cute#I got some spoilers (because ofc I did I went on tumblr again without finishing the show I was basically asking for it) but#all I knew going into s15 was ‘Destiel goes canon Cas goes to the empty and Dean dies’ so just thought naturally#that’s exactly how supernatural has always been but I also wasn’t sure if that actually would happen???#and I’ve seen that I love you news meme so gosh darn many times that I didn’t know what to expect but THAT WAS HEART WRENCHING#Finally someone told Dean what he deserves to hear but why not let him keep Cas ugh this is so sad#Feels a bit odd that Sam got a son and named him Dean though like that sounds like it would be more painful than anything but oh well#oh and Jack!! aww I’m so happy about him#I just hope they’re all happy in heaven and I wish I knew more about more characters but tbh#I just want to know that Cas is happy#I was so angry halfway through this episode thinking they murdered Dean and left SAM alive like what#Sam is left on Earth to do his thing and Dean just gets offed????? luckily it ended a lot better than that#my god I need to process this for a long time#oh and now I also want to rewatch the whole show but let’s be real it is 15 seasons I have NO time for that#Anyway I’ll go back to playing Zelda now#I have too many feelings about Spn#it’s time to have feelings about something else and though I have blocked zelda and totk EVERYWHERE to avoid spoilers I am so emotional#but I have lots of feelings about Zelda too oh my god how can I fit so many feelings at once I’m-#help I didn’t know there was a tag limit wth
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#also i made a mistake#i shouldnt have messaged him#i should've just not have done it#that would've saved me from all of this inner turmoil#im kinda mad at myself for being ugly. it always ruin everything for me#ruins** everything#but also im irritated with him bc we've talked for a week now he says i need to send a pic ㅠㅠ#like we live in two different countries and have two completely different lives#it's not like we could have smth irl all of a sudden??#why cant it just be a nice fun online messaging thing?#and like this shows that he wasnt as nice as i thought he was bc he was kinda rude and didnt care at all when i said it was uncomfortable#and yet.... i feel bad for wasting his time. but also in general unpleasant convos make me feel very very bad so idk#anyway i have no idea why this bothers me sooooo much. why do i even care? prov bc im so lonely and have no life lmao#but yeah i wish i hadnt messaged him. i thought it would just be a short convo not this ㅠㅠ#bc i cannot send a pic and get rejected. i cannot handle that. and i KNOW it will happen bc.. i have seen me#fuqqqq stop caring abt !!!
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love how indigo and unova both end with ash going “wow, what a fantastic experience” with a full theme song drop as they reminisce on their adventure over the battlefield in the sunset like those weren’t the worst written leagues in the series
#ok done with unova league. thought id do that in a day as i did chores just to get it over with#im glad im now on the n arc which i actually like#ok so now that im all refreshed on the unova league…. yeah still dont know which one is worse#like on one hand. stuff actually happened in the unova league and we got a couple of good battles as opposed to one#we actually see who wins even if ash doesnt battle him. and the overall animation is of course better bc more resources#but on the other hand. knowing that its trying so hard to emulate indigo (which they literally ditched and changed up all the worst ways#that they had handled it) just bc it was nostalgic. even though it makes absolutely no sense for where the characters are at at this point.#idk it kinda makes it feel worse? like indigo was awful and i hated it but at least that has the excuse of being their first try#and having a lower budget and sorta having a decent reason for ash to lose even if its contrived#like. there was a reason they couldnt show too many battles#echoed voice#like by all means indigo’s technically worse but on principle of trying to copy it at all? wtf best wishes#i know bw was a soft reboot at first but i dont see why that meant that they had to try and copy os all the time. it just holds it back#and the league is the perfect example of that. im not saying it had to be this grand epic event where ash is a badass who wins one sided#its even worse bc at this point they were literally dropping some of the os copying so why bring it back at such an awaited arc??#idk. back to my original question of which is worse? they balance each other out idk#pokeani lb
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...
#u kno what i dont like? when i talk abt doing something completely bananas that i would absolutely do if i was even a little less socially#conscious and then whoever im talking to is like lol do it#idk maybe im just slightly distorted abt it but i have a compulsive need to do what ppl tell me to and i kno ppl would think i was real#weirf for doing the things so im just like. r u making fun of me? bc truely i cannot tell#like i dont have a good grasp on how well i read ppl. sometimes i think im ok at it. like i can deduce things from context clues#but if someone is not being clean then its fucking way over my head but idk sometimes i cant tell if im being made fun of#like u kno when u make someone laugh and ur like well i wasnt really trying to b funny. i was just saying whats in my head#so was that nervous laughter bc i said something kinda off the walls or was it laughter at my expense#again im probably just distortion bc my sister used to publicly call it out whenever i was being weird but idk#i just wish ppl said what they thought more. like dont say one thing to my face and then later text me something that indicates u were#thinking something entirely different in the moment. bc that's disorienting and it makes me think i can't trust my reading of ppl#i mean. it doesnt help that i dont look ppl in the face lol but whatever#i should sleep. i have jury duty tomorrow and i pray that i am not selected. tho it would force me to have a day off#bc im fucked up like that. no fun allowed. only work. and not enough sleep :-P#idk why im even thinking this?#i guess bc i was helping one of my lab mates with coding stuff and like idk ive spent way too long around him and i still dont#kno whats going on in his head. like idk hes not too bad but he also is very quick to jump on it when i do something wrong#like when i make a lil mistake i mean. and i think its in a teasing way but idk it feels weird. like he thinks hes caught me fucking up#and im like ...yea? i mean yea that was a dumb thing i did. or like yeah i cant spell or remember plant codes? idk maybe he just thinks#its funny. it doesnt upset me or anything. i just think its kinda weird and i dont get it so it puts me on edge#idk he says things sometimes and im like... ok ur star war5 options make me nervous abt the general opinions u hold but i dont kno how to#manipulate u into a revealing conversation. idk his not that bad just puts me on edge a lil and i have to b around him a lot so i sit here#man wtf is his deal? let me psychoanalyze u#unrelated
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sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself?#and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways#humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good#and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up#leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that#me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies#pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm#yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice#and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since#christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??)#OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure#which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata#and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing#ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that#im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk#and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my#personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol)#but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am#and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS#anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends#as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho#that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so#sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like#we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids#but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone#who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways#OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god
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is it really really stupid to give her the gift. i know she’s not worth it and im making myself feel like shit over and over and i need to stop and it doesnt matter how sad or angry i am about it she’s not just gonna dump him and even if she did i wouldn’t like. want to be the second choice (not that i inherently would be. weirdo dream scenario) and it’s just not gonna affect her much to not see me anymore and i have to be okay with that. and im truthfully not rn but i have to be cause that’s the reality. anyway lost my point there
#like. i just cant imagine class being over monday and just being like. ok bye forever ig. or not rlly saying anything#idk guys im sorry i know ive gone on and on and on nonstop for months#it just sucks#even if i think back to monday like. it's classic baby steps of leading me on and i fortunately for once didnt nip at the bit right away#but just the little ways she looked at me and smiled or joked around. kinda flirty. just for her to yk#post the bereal today and hes in it and its like 'wait let me get a shirt on' so just blatantly fucking yk. didnt even have to do my sleuth#work. and like. i know maybe ive overreacted to a lot of it and over thought it and she really didn't intentionally do a lot of it#and wasn't ever confused or anything and i just told myself that to justify being sooooo bonkers over it. idk#so it's like. with all that in mind. no i should not give it to her i should just walk out of class and not talk to her again#but the wounded part of me the 17 yr old in me is desperately asking why it's so easy for someone to get over me#but she was never into me! or at least not enough yk. she has a boyfriend. and that yk. shouldve been enough#but i got so lost in all these little signs and feelings of tension and#i guess. lol look at me abt to say this. doesnt help to dwell (lol!) but who knows if it was mutual some of those times when it just Felt#tense. yk. or if she just has problems and really liked the ego boost#cause boy did i make it fucking easy to enjoy my attention! and i never ever ever shouldve done all that bc she wasnt mutually engaging#at least not till like. october. and only briefly. and i just. ugh#anyway :( whatever. i know the answer is no. i know it's no i know i shouldnt#but as i was saying. the wounded part of me wishes i could make her feel even a fraction of the hurt or even just fucking regret#but not pity. but regret for being an asshole. if i could just say something as my final word or something and still be dignified#but i just dk how that would happen. so. yeah#hopefully this is one of my runner up last posts about her#film girl saga
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:( our bosses decided to send a card AND a gift to our coworkers who's daughter is getting married but I didn't get anything when I got married :( apparently the decision to add a gift was the idea of the two principles who HATE me so while I don't think it was targeted I do think they don't really consider my marriage important (my marriage was gay).
#totes bro#yes i got married suddenly because my wife had to go to the hospital but we were engaged for 6 months before that so like#theyre like 'its important to them because theyre from Afghanistan' which like yes#im sure#but getting married was a really important life event for me too#they also have never given us flowers for the many surgeries#idk i think maybe because i talk to the principals of the business so often they think its more casual between us?#this is actually a 'hurts my feelings' thing and i wish it werent its just like#my marriage isnt a joke and i feel like they think it is#idk like i kinda get why you could argue that their marriage is more important culturally speaking#but i also dont know if any event in my life would qualify with those rules?#its a joke here that i forgot i got married because one of the principals congratulated me afterwards#without saying it was for my marriage that they were saying that#but like i didnt think they knew or i honestly thought they were avoiding the subject#because people get cards from this company for nothing#which is why i asked what they were congratulating me for because i did not think they would acknowledge i got married
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maaaannnnn
#dating app diary#i match w someone i think is cool and then suddenly he doesnt message me after like a week of talking everyday n im like 'he hates me 😭'#am i being clingy (ik the answer is yes dw. i also wouldnt actually say anything abt tht bc fr it could be any reason but yk. the Thoughts)#but fr i usually get so drained when my matches try talking to me too much but ive been like. eagerly waiting to talk/starting convos here#n we actually have shit in common too so ive been feeling pretty positive. which is why ik the Thoughts are stupid n dumb lol#but also ik theres a chance im not overthinking. ocd treatment has taught me to have a 'maybe maybe not' mentality afterall so like...#who knows...#anyways ill just have some trust n see what happens. as one does in life. 🥴👍#wish me luck folx bc i kinda rly like this guy... at least enough to reaaaally wanna meet up n see how our chemistry is in person 😖😖#idk ignore me im just bein a bit Foolish ig#genuine thoughts tips or opinions ARE welcome btw#cryptic ramblings
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#i am so tired and i hate working and i wish i was dead a little#its also. uni application season i think#and i want to BE in uni but i dont want to apply#ya feel?#like i mainly want to be in uni bc its not work. its not this stupid job and these stupid emails#but i dont want to like apply and think abt whos gonna pay for it and. probably move#personal#im just so tired. and also lonely. and my best friend is madly in love or whatever so its ruining our codependency thing djdjf#which is obviously great for her and im so glad she has someone and is happy etc etc its just. i kinda moved here for her#and now she like. doesnt rly need me here or have as much time to even hang out#and my other friends here and her friends that she has brought to me and i still feel awkward reaching out to them separately idk#my whole life here feels so flimsy#like why am i here? to answer emails. literally its just that#and going to the dentist#to be fair the dentist was a good call i need to go to the dentist more#but anyway#point is i hate it here and i wanna die a little#which is. new. in that its very old and i thought we were over it
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Really wishing my water was vodka
#idk i wish i could go to school tomorrow tipsy..#i dont really know why. it just seems like itd make it easier..#my mom brought a pretty big bottle of some alcohol a while back from some girls cabin trip and she keeps it in the fridge..#i dont know shit about alcohol so i cant tell you what it is except that its clear..#i have hesitated twice now when ive seen it.. it really shows how much trust she has in us..#im not gonna take it but i still want to..#i hope that all kinds of alcohol taste like garbage because im worried for my health if i want it this badly now..#and i really hope it wont become a coffee situation where i never like it but still for some reason drink it..#i want my first alcohol to be in some rasberry bullshit drink so i will forever associate it with artificial rasberry taste.#and gag even at the thought of drinking more..#its just kinda sad everytime i pause in place. contemplating on whether or not to take one of the beer cans in the back of our fridge..#i mean. mom wont drink them and i dont want them to go to waste now do i..#i can control my urges if i want to. thankfully i still want to control that urge..#im just worried for when i have a really bad day and mom happens to be out of the house..#i dont want this.. i want something else.. i want a life where i feel like people are PC's.. thats a stupid way to describe it.#but other people truly do feel like NPC's to me..#they speak to me when i approach. otherwise they stick to their coded routine..#even the name yelling feels like i just achieved some invisible goal and now they do that..#the only reaction they have to being touched is when you shove them..#i hate this#i stood in the middle of our kitchen for 30 seconds doing visibly nothing because#i was contemplating on whether or not to ask my sister for a hug.. i didnt ask..#no one else just feels real but when im in school i cant just stare at people because they can actually notice it..#sorry i guess#i dont know if im supposed to be sorry about this. probably not..#venting
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