#if I'd have done this a month ago so many of these answers would've been different

[bogos-bint3d]

Considering Yellow just came out, I'm curious how you interpret Justice!

YEAH IM FINALLY GONNA ANSWER THIS ASK FROM ALMOST TWO MONTHS AGO BECAUSE IM FEELING GOOD

Ok so I don't really know how to start so to get things going I'll begin with some pictures of them

I have to say, they give me SO many feelings. I originally started work on them long before I even knew what undertale yellow was. My first attempts at drawing them (which you can see in the top left that were used for reference) were done back in June, but I was planning things for them several months before.

I remember them actually being pretty much the very first fallen human who I felt motivated to make something with, because I saw a comic of someone's own interpretation of them. I noticed how in that comic, they went to Mount Ebott intentionally, for the other humans or something, and that was sort of the beginning of my inspiration, but I felt like I could do more with it. So, starting off with that I kinda built on it. I wanted to do something different from what I'd seen before, where they wanted to get justice on the monsters FOR hurting the humans. I remember someone saying something along the lines of them thinking justice was a little bitch, which of course was a valid interpretation, and that's what made me sorta go in a different direction.

For me, I saw justice as someone who would've wanted justice for the MONSTERS, from the very start. They were the kind of person who didn't really believe the legend of humans and monsters, but of course knew Mount Ebott was a very dangerous place. And, yknow, believed monsters were just a legend, they loved to think about the fact that if monsters WERE real, they were probably trapped unfairly. Think about Chara for example. Though they were human themself, they still hated humanity, and felt connected to the monsters. They wanted the monsters to be free and to go against the humans. I imagine justice to have been something like that. Not as much hatred for humans as Chara maybe, but still knowing of all the bad that humans had done, and, being an edgy teen, felt genius for the concept that this ""old """"silly"""" legend"" would probably have been biased in favour of the humans. (which they were actually right about. Good for them 👍🏾)

Am I explaining this correctly? I'm not sure if I am lol

So anyways, yes my justice interpretation very much did not want justice on the monsters once they discovered the legend was true, but rather was very much on the side of monsters getting justice on the humans.

Let's see, what else is there... Ah so as I was explaining before, seeing that comic also sparked the idea for me that they went there looking for someone. They'd usually never even get near to Ebott, however, they end up having to. Ok this part is like it's own separate infodump so like take a breath. So this all ties in to one of my other fallen soul interpretations, integrity. I won't get too into them right now because that is like a WHOLE OTHER CONVERSATION, so for now I am going with the BARE ESSENTIALS. Justice went there specifically to go look for integrity, because in my little interpretation thing, they're siblings. I'll show some quick things about them then straight back to Justice I prommy

Their name is Leo (I don't have a name for justice yet I'm so sorry Leo is like the only human I've named so far), and ended up on Ebott after a stupid dare by the rest of their ballet class. So anyways after justice finds Leo is like. No where at all. They have to go on over to Leo's dance class cause that's the last place they'd been and ask around the other kids to find out where their 10 year old sibling was because they'd been FUCKING MISSING FOR LIKE SEVERAL HOURS only to find out the other kids left them on MOUNT FUCKING EBOTT, where multiple other children have all DISAPPEARED upon going there. So now justice gotta go to death mountain to find their lost sibling no big deal

I feel much more nervous about talking about my fallen soul interpretations now than I would've, like, four months ago, simply because the presence of uty has had such a grip on the fandom that people have kind of accepted it as canon. I think it's actually a really stupid and petty thing to mad/sad about, because a lot of effort was out into it, and I'm sure it's very very good, but I just, well I guess we all just whish we were the best, right? I'm scared yellow will completely overshadow any other existing interpretations, and people love it so much, they won't care about my own. I REALLY hate myself for this, and I just want to say I think you should all keep loving yellow! It seems really good! This is just my own dumb fear shining through haha

But anyways, enough of that! I'll explain more about the souls another time because if I keep going on right now I might become physically incomprehensible. There is so much more about justice that I'll dump on you all another time, trust me, I just hope you all like what I've got so far ❤️ thanks :)

[onyxheartbeat]

Should I send it?

You're a horrible person I'm finally making myself see it. I'm not the forgiving person I used to be for you anymore, and I finally am accepting it instead of being in denial. emotionally withholding when I ask for scraps. I've accepted your breadcrumbs, when you felt like giving them. then you'd switch up. yet I was basically a therapist and mother to you when you needed. treat me like a toy on a shelf to play with only if you're in the mood. you have severe avoidant attachment, and you don't even realize how much misogyny you have. for someone with a psych degree, you're unaware. I didn't say your issues to spare your feelings. a selfish user of women. seems like I've been the biggest punching bag as from what you've told me, you didn't slap or call other women you've been with a cunt over and over and over and over, violating their boundaries. but you 'don't mean it like that,' and it's a 'joke.' taking your life crisis out on me, when I was genuinely trying to bond and help soothe you out of love. holding you when you cried. yet I cried alone. COWARD afraid to hear what have to say, telling me you won't read my letters. porn addicted. just view women as temporary. call your exes 'friends' probably just so you can have access to emotional support if you want it. I should've never talked to you after the first ghosting. promised you wouldn't again, yet you did it again, BLAMING ME and saying it was because I was sending angry texts. that was NOT why. and I still forgave you and put in the emotional labor to reconnect and tried to be on good terms. said I can just come to you and talk stuff out then flipping the script and saying horrible things to me when I do when you're drunk, or just flat out not even talking to me with any affectionate tone at all if you're sober. shaming me for addressing your verbally abusive language, screaming at me to shut the fuck up when I wasn't even interrupting you, telling me you're going to commit suicide and not answering for hours, being drunk and using that as an explanation for the behavior. you're not like that because you were drunk, that's just who you are and it lies dormant in you until you want to take it out on me. you don't act like this to men in your life, so don't even think for a second you're not a misogynist. as you said, you just 'want to destroy.' textbook abuser, intentional or not. you have no idea how much I've protected your ego and life. I was the man in the relationship, the father, and the mother. YOU needed ME. forgave you when you got on your knees and begged once. but when I needed you, you weren't there. you lovebombed me in the beginning, holding me, telling me you're my man. then now if I ask you to say those things, you tell me 'I can't lie tonight.' even though when YOU needed me to tell you that I'd take a flight out to see you a few weeks ago, I SAID I WOULD. I never screamed at you until yeaarrrrs later and so many screams from YOU first. I was so sweet and loving and you still had it in your heart to speak to me so disrespectfully. I would've never done that to you. I still haven't. what I truly will never understand is how you can just keep apologizing and claim you feel bad, yet never do anything with YOUR ACTIONS to make me feel loved or important or safe. you treated me normally for like three months and then it became like dealing with two different people. I deserve an award for dealing with your mood swings so well. gave you flowers, cards, gifts, but I don't even get birthday messages from you. it was clearly a chase for a honeymoon phase high for you. Look into fearful avoidant attachment style and heal yourself for the sake of your child. tell your therapist about your usage of women. teach your son how NOT TO BE. you're getting your way, again. you pushed me out. just know the feelings never ended for me. I was always real. this is your doing. Don't talk to me again.

[annesstardustchords]

I'd Go Through it Again (If I Could Hold You For a Minute) - Part 1 / Simon “Ghost” Riley X Reader

hi babies! im so sorry ive been MIA lately, school is fucking me raw and I haven't been doing mentally well at all. that being said, yall deserve some good, angsty smut. luv u all <3 (smut will be in part 2)

(my mental slump may have slipped into this one a little bit...)

Description: Ghost had passed away; killed in action and DOA a couple months prior. You hadn't been handling it well. He was the love of your life, your rock, your muse; all of it. After one particularly bad day at work, you shuffle home in tears, but what you don't know is that there's a little surprise waiting inside for you...

CW: angst, fluff, sobbbbinnnnggg

TW: Mentions of death, suicide, self-harm (non-graphic)

READ WITH CAUTION!

MINORS DNI! I WILL TELL UR MOM!

Four months ago, you received the letter; he was gone - Fuck it, dead. No need to put it nicely.

The love of your life, torn from the warmth of this earth, from you, in a split second. A bullet the size of a pill had ripped through his chest, surpassing his heart and exiting through the thickened muscle of his back. How can something so small do such damage to someone as strong as him? How can something so small take a life? How could he be gone, just like that? How could he leave you?

Angry, intrusive questions swam around in your mind every second of every day; replaying the moment he was shot, the moment he took his last breath in your brain as if you were there. abut you weren’t. You could see it; his massive frame falling to the ground, suddenly appearing small as his eyes widened, and his breath stopped. It haunted you, knowing he was alone when it happened. Soap hadn't found him until hours after he'd passed. "DOA" the letter had read. Dead on fucking arrival. How long had he been there? You could've saved him, you think. You should've been there. But alas, you were deployed to another field, another team just days before. You couldn't protect him.

"Aye!" your superior calls out from behind you, "Head in the fuckin' game, soldier!"

You snap out of your thoughts, raising your gun to the practice target and firing without thinking. You were a great shot naturally, but not these days; your mind focused solely on Simon, your eyes fogged with his decrepit silhouette inside of his casket. It was open the day of the funeral; not your typical soldier send-off, but you had requested it. You hated what you saw when you looked inside that box. You had lifted the mask to ensure it really was him, and sure enough, it was. His scarred face, and tight-shut eyes. It haunts you everywhere you fucking go.

You hit the white plastic of the target, not even close to the drawn body of the thing. The Sergeant laughs from behind you and you toss your gun to the side, embarrassed and exhausted.

"Thank god this is just target practice, eh? You really did a number on 'em, probably killed em' with that fuckin' shot," he cackles as you walk past him and grab for the door handle, "Ay now, Soldier. Where do you think you're goin'?"

"Home, sir," you bluntly answered, too disappointed and spaced out to give a shit about your current ranking or the fucking novelty of the trade.

"You go home now, Soldier, and you're done," he barks, "You understand?"

"Yes, sir," you respond bluntly, swinging open the door and walking out with a huff.

You weren't one to disobey your orders. You weren't one to leave your post. You weren't one to quit. But, honest to god, if you had been put on the field the next day as planned, you would've thrown your un-armoured body against the first bullet shot.

Anything to see him again.

As you gathered your things from your locker and left the base, you could feel tears burning down your cheeks beneath your mask. You didn't sniffle, you didn't wipe them away. You didn't care. You just needed to be home. Being around this many guns, around a fucking armoury, couldn't be safe for you in this state. The morbid fascination you faced daily following Simon's death was nothing short of constant, but you were scared. What if he got into heaven, and you couldn't?

God, you just needed to go to bed.

You held your keys tight to your hand as you walked to the door of your apartment, the harsh metal breaking skin; not that you noticed, though. You turned the key and walked in, locking the door behind you and chucking your belongings onto the floor along with your shoes. You tore your mask from your face, and walked down the hall. As you made your way towards your bedroom, you noticed the familiar shine of your lamp seeping through the slightly ajar door.

Certain you hadn't left the light on yourself, much too weary of hydro costs, you quickly grabbed the gun from your safe. You hadn't even looked at the gun since that wretched day, untrusting in yourself and your thoughts, but with your job being what it was, you couldn't take any risks. You hold the gun tight to your side, slowly opening the door, and raising it to the dark figure sitting atop your bedsheets.

"Get the fuck out," you harshly whisper, "I don't have fucking time for this."

"Hi, darling," a familiar voice says as the figure turns his head.

Your heart nearly stops then. Your eyes meet the ghastly white of a skull mask, one you were all too accustomed to. You wrap your finger around the trigger, ready to end this sick joke immediately.

"I don't know who the fuck you are, or what the hell this is, but you need to go. Right fucking now," you bark, tightening your grip on the pistol.

"Y/N, please, put the gun down," the soft, British voice pleads.

"You're real fuckin' stupid if you think that's gonna happen."

You take a step inside the room, pressing the gun hard against his forehead as you take an unwavering breath.

"Make a move, and I swear to god, I will put a bullet in your brain," you mutter, "Who are you?"

"It's me, Y/N. I promise it's me," the man says, confident but composed, fully aware of the gun pressed between his eyebrows though seemingly unafraid of it.

"Is this some kind of sick joke? Hm? Putting a fucking widow through this?" you nearly yell as you press the barrel harder into his skull, causing him to wince, "You wanna beat me, interrogate me? Fucking fine, but this... this is sick. He's gone. I saw the body myself."

"Y/N, I-"

"Don't say my name," you snap, "Who fucking sent you, huh?"

"Love, please. Back up, let me take my mask off, yeah?" he asks, carefully lifting his hand to your wrist, tapping it gently in request.

"Don't fucking touch me. You're not him. God, when Price hears about this..." you dryly chuckle, trailing off when you notice a bump under one of his gloved fingers.

"Take your glove off," you demand, motioning your head towards it.

"Wha- I... Okay," he stammers, lifting both of his hands cautiously and removing both of the gloves. You grab his left hand, tugging off the band prominently placed on his ring finger. You raise it to your face, your other hand still firmly holding the gun to his head.

"Y/N L/N, in combat and in devotion," read the inside of the ring, matching the words circling the ring placed on your left hand in similarity.

"Where'd you get this?" you whispered, your once stern demeanour shifting into something much smaller; more pathetic.

"The pastor on our wedding day. Gaz got them made for us," he answers calmly.

You pull the gun off of him, raising your hands to your face and pressing your palms to your eyes as you turn around.

"What the fuck is going on?" you cry, hardly audible.

"Y/N, it's me. I'm so sorry," he whispers, shifting to stand.

"Sit the fuck down," you yell, "Take your mask off."

He nods, turning around to check the curtain is closed before gradually and carefully tucking two fingers under the hem of the mask, lifting it over his chin and nose.

You feel tears brim your lashes, slick to your under eyes as his mouth and nose come into view. It's like a b-roll as the mask is lifted higher and higher off his face; the scar on his right cheek, the dark war paint, his furrowed brows, his fluffy hair. He discards the mask, tossing it next to him and grabbing a makeup wipe from your bedside table to rid himself of the smeared paint around his blue eyes.

"See?" he says, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Your hands shake as they go to cover your mouth, holding in the deep wail threatening to pour from your lips as you sob. The man you loved so much, the man you fucking married, the man you buried just four months prior, was here; alive.

"Si," you whimper, throwing your full body weight onto him after placing the gun down, your thighs on either side of his hips as you wrap your arms so tight around his neck that he nearly chokes.

"Hi, Lovie," he whispers into your neck, wrapping his strong arms around you and pulling you close to him. You take in everything; his scent, the feel of him so close to you, his scruff against your jaw. All of the things you swore you'd never get to feel again, tucked between your limp arms.

"How could you fucking do this to me?" you croak, your throat raw as you slam your weakened fists against his vest-clad chest.

"I know, I know, darling," he says, pulling away just far enough that he could see your eyes, lifting your chin to look at him before holding your face between his strong hands, "I had no choice. Trust me, I wanted to come back to you the second it happened."

"Then why didn't you? Do you know what I've been through? Do you know what it's like to watch the love of your life get fucking buried?"

"No, I don't," he sighs, "but I do know what it's like being dead to you, literally and metaphorically, and that's nothing I ever wish to relive."

"So why'd you do it then? I can't fucking live without you, I tried to fucking kill myself just to see you again, Simon," you accidentally admit, tears falling off your face and down your neck.

"Oh, my love," he sighs, worry adamant in his gruff features as he gently caresses your hair, "I wish I could've called, sent a letter, fucking anything. I'm so, so sorry I put you through this."

"Tell me what happened, Si. Tell me there was a good reason you faked it all."

"Two of the opposing had intel on you. They must have seen you without your mask, or someone let something slip; I'm not sure. I got cornered by two of their men, and they gave me an ultimatum; Either I take the bullet, or they tell all divisions outside of 141 your identity. Knowing your past with OpFor, I couldn't let that happen - couldn't risk your safety. Soap shot both of them before I could say anything," he explains, never breaking eye contact.

"So, they're both dead. Why did you have to-"

"There's more," he says, taking your hands in his, "There was only one other opposition out there who knew about you, and I couldn't come out of hiding until I was sure he was dead, so I faked my death under Price's orders to give us more time and to keep you safe. As long as this guy knew I was alive, he wouldn't have let it rest until he ruined you. This guy was good - stealthy, and stayed hidden. I knew you were safe as long as I was out of the picture, and that's all that mattered to me."

"Oh my god," you whimper, the tears seeming to be endless, "Please tell me you caught him? I can't risk losing you again."

"He's gone, baby. We caught him. I wouldn't have come back if I knew it could put you in jeopardy," he softly smiles, wiping your tears away with his thumb once more as you slowly smile.

"Si-" you choke out, a look of realization crossing your soft features.

"Yeah, love?" he asks, concerned.

"I'm so sorry, I-" you sob, unable to get the words out, choking on your own tears.

"Baby, baby. Shh," he coos, trying to stop you from hyperventilating, "What on earth are you apologizing for?"

"I was so angry at you. I- I was so mean. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have blamed you," you mutter, letting your forehead fall against his.

"Oh, my love. It's okay. I can't even imagine what you've been through over the last four months. I don't know what I'd ever do if I lost you," he admits, grabbing at the nape of your neck gently as his eyes flutter shut.

"It was hell. I walked out of target practice today. I can't even aim anymore. I don't think Sergeant is gonna let me back," you confess.

"He'll let you back, baby. Price and Soap both know what happened, and we've all got your back, okay?" he says, gently rubbing along the back of your head.

“I don’t even care if he does, I’m just- I only care about you; about you being here,” you softly smile, wrapping your arms tighter around him as you sniffle.

“There’s that pretty smile,” he whispers, “I missed that face of yours so much.”

“You can’t even begin to understand how much I missed you,” you say, gently kissing his soft lips, “I thought I’d never get to do that again.”

“‘M not goin’ anywhere baby. Never again,” he murmurs, kissing you back, “I couldn’t bare knowing how much I’ve hurt you again.”

“I love you, Simon,” you whisper, the words rolling off your tongue like an oath, like a god damn prayer.

“I love you, too.”

You know it’s more than just words; it’s a promise. He’s yours.

[pumpkin-spike18]

✨Weekly Progress 2024 #22-23✨

#22 would've come out last week if I didn't forget my planner when I packed for traveling.

Weekly Progress #22

Updated tumblr tags

Thumbnailed, sketched, refined sketched, lined, and finished [fan project #2] illustration

Submitted forms for [fan projects]

Made work plans for P-M and SFB

Basic o2a2 outline

Fixed SYVNH bug

Generated sprite pieces for P-M and SFB

Fleshed out o2a2 outline

Weekly Progress #23

Coded P-M sprites

Updated itch page images

Made new BWBOK schedule

Copied P-M script into Renpy

Scripted P-M s1-s3

Answered BWBOK comments

Drafted [fan project] posts

Designed P-M GUI

Wrote 100+ words for SFB

A Sky of Falling Birds

As I mentioned before, SFB is my next big project, which I plan to submit for BAF VN Jam. That's... 7/1.

It's okay, I still got... 20 days.

There's a lot of work left to do and not much to show off at the moment.

Pre-Make

Or Pre 🕰 Make (P-M), I haven't completely decided on how to advertise the title yet. It's a "small" project that I came up with back in 2020 and still haven't finished. I thought I'd dedicate a few days' time to it and see how far I'd get. There's still a bit of work to do, but much of it is done.

The art's quite old and the story telling was the original test I did for SYVNH's looping mechanism so it won't be anything novel. The screenshot above is from this game. If he looks a little familiar, don't worry. That's not your imagination.

The Beauty Which Only Beast Knows

My other big focus for this month, we're hoping to finish it for Otome Jam... which also ends 7/1. I've a loose schedule for achieving that, but the team's health is the top priority so we're playing it by ear. It may take a little longer to finish up.

Other!

O2A2: Because I couldn't sit still!! I started planning for O2A2 2024! It'll be another entry into the kill series, but I hope to include some point and click elements to it. Last year I finished 9 VN projects, something I don't want to do again-- but!! I don't want to only finish one project this year!! I've been skipping and fomo-ing all the jams in the first half of the year. Well, no more! I'm going to get some work done this summer!!

Fan Projects: I don't think I need to keep my involvement in fan projects a secret anymore! I took part in the D. Gray Man 20th Anniversary Project, which we actually started work on late last year! I also took part in the Narumitsu Big Bang 2024 event, which... also started work late last year 🤔 Huh, I was really busy back then. Maybe that'll teach me to sign up for too many fan events... (😂 no ofc not!)

Misc: I finished some tedious updating work that I promised myself to do a while back. I'll admit I make my blog easiest for me to navigate, first and foremost. But if there's something that's bothering you, or have an idea to make navigation better, feel free to let me know through an ask! I also updated all of my itch io pages' images. They were originally linked from discord, which changed its policy and broke all direct image links. Thankfully, I had everything labeled in a private server so I could easily retrieve and reupload to update the pages. Yes, I should've done that long ago. And I'm sorry I just... didn't;;

[rozieramati]

12/17/23

every moment is a love story. i've been rotting in bed all day. trying to make sense of my life, the characters i've met this past year. the characters i've let go this past year. i've never felt so detached from connection before. i can't tell if it's good or bad. i've just become privy to how things work, how people work, how things are never really to be taken personally, and yes there are inherently bad people but most of the time no one is completely bad or completely good. just human. while all of this is not news to anyone, including me, to really understand this at a core level is different. i can't bring myself to form close connections with most people. maybe i am but it's not in the way i used to. i've been treating life as if i have more time. more time to see how things unfold, time to live, time to experience. i've never done that before. i've never lived in the now.

i've, i've, I've.

everyone i felt strongly towards in one way or another has popped up this month. i had a crying fit about it saturday night. it was a long night. a night filled with both old and new characters. a night where my heart was both broken and full at the same time. what does this mean? what does any of this mean. stupid questions that stupid humans spend their whole life trying to answer.

i went out last night. i had a lovely time with someone i can't belong to. life is so funny that way. with me. every time. i watched "The Age of Adeline" half an hour ago and it moved me. she spent most of her life not being able to live it. i feel the same. i don't really know why though. i do and i don't.

music is meant to be my ticket to freedom. before music it was rowing, and before rowing it was synchronized swimming. both of those were stripped away from me due to injury. maybe that's why i'm so afraid of finishing my album. i'm scared the freedom that it might grant me will be taken from me somehow. every time i reached the end of almost accomplishing a dream of mine that's what has happened. i would've made national team that year for synchronized swimming, i got recruited into Berkeley that other year for rowing. it wasn't in my control, losing it all. that's why i'm so adamant on having my hand on everything with music. if i'm doing everything myself, with the promotion and videos and stuff, then i won't have to rely on anyone. and if i work alone i won't be hurt, no one can take these things away from me. it's been a long time. 7 years of practice and obsession. that's how long it was for synchronized swimming before i was kicked in the head and sentenced to 7 years of concussions. seven seems to love me. i broke a tall mirror at the ripe age of eight and was horrified the moment it happened. glass shards covered the tan carpet floor and my mind was infected with intrusive thoughts about the bad luck i'd endure over the coming seven years. i wasn't wrong, but i also didn't predict it to last beyond those seven years.

my life is great. i fell asleep around 1pm and had a dream about people congratulating me for my achievements. it felt good until i began to dream about every character i've had to face this month. then i felt alone. then i wanted to recoil more.

the truth is yes, i have become detached; detached from the new characters that is. i know how to keep my distance. but that doesn't excuse the old characters from impacting me. i guess i'm just going outside more. i guess that's why i'm running into them all. i don't know. it seems all too coincidental. like the universe wants to show me something. maybe it's just how far i've come! how much i've grown. what everything has aligned to, and how it all turned out so much differently than i could have ever expected. i suppose that's it. nothing is really predictable. i spent too many years worrying about the outcome. only for me to set myself up to be in a constant state of grave disappointment because i was too attached to what i thought was best. now i accept i do not know what's best for anyone other than myself in this moment. that's why i've been detached. i've recognized there is truly no anxiety to be had in wondering about other people, their intentions, their feelings, etc. people will do what people do, and they will unveil it with time. whether that be in two weeks, two months, or seven years is not my problem. my reaction is all the weight i need to carry.

i suppose i've found my freedom outside of my occupation. 24, the year of liberation.

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

After reading your response to the Vane anon, I'm curious to know...

What would have happened if Gwyn had been defeated and captured by Augus instead of the other way round?

What would've Augus done to him? And would Augus still have fallen in love with him eventually?

And how would Ash have reacted to the situation of having a poor 'Seelie' king imprisoned by his unhinged brother?

I know you don't tend to know what happens in your stories until you write them but I'd appreciate some of your hypothetical thoughts :)

Hi anon!

I think I've actually answered this question around 20 times actually, years ago, since it got asked all the time back when I was writing Game Theory! But I can't find any of those responses because Tumblr's search is so incredibly broken, so now that I've spent 30 minutes looking for the old responses, so I'll rewrite them here and hopefully be able to find this one day in the future! (not likely, please fix your search, Tumblr):

If Gwyn had been defeated and captured by Augus, Augus would likely have killed him.

Unlike Gwyn, Augus didn't have any lingering feelings of affection towards Gwyn and he never developed an infatuation after the events of Deeper Into the Woods, he didn't feel like he owed him anything in that regard. He was also like...insane. At most he might have raped him and tried to break his spirit, through mocking and humiliation and degradation and torture (after all, Augus wasn't sane at the time when he was destroying kingdoms and defeating people, he sort of needed 6 months in a dark room to sort himself out, and he would never have gotten it if he defeated Gwyn).

They wouldn't have fallen in love. Gwyn would have died or killed himself or killed Augus. (Gwyn is nearly impossible to defeat, but in the rare instance it happened, Gwyn would still likely kill Augus. He's been captured and tortured before, and his light can kill anyone, I'd say he'd last as long as his lingering feelings of affection remained and then once they they were fully broken, he'd murder Augus and destroy the Unseelie Court and then probably himself, because the only person who ever saw him for who he was loathed and tortured him, lol.)

I love Ash, but he can be a coward. He couldn't directly stop his brother, so he sought to betray him in an underhanded manner (a betrayal that Augus and Ash have only just started to recover from in the canon, around 20 years later). So I don't think Ash would do anything at all if Gwyn was captured, I don't think he'd visit Gwyn (they were never affectionate and Ash doesn't like him for a long time even in the canon), I don't think he'd do anything more than 'Augus, this doesn't seem like a good idea' and then he'd go to the human world and get drunk and use drugs, which is how he mostly coped with Augus' descent into madness in Game Theory as well (Gwyn does, after all, find him extremely drunk in the human world, deeply in denial about his circumstances).

Tbh, even Game Theory was supposed to have a tragic ending. When I first started writing it, I was literally only writing it for the hatefucking in the beginning. I fully expected that Gwyn would in his sentimental way come to love Augus and release him, and Augus would die, and Gwyn would be killed for it, and Augus would never fully return his feelings and manipulate his way out. It was meant to end in about 7-8 chapters. Like, I literally set up so many things to stop them from liking each other and succeeding that the story took an awfully long time to w rite and 'solve' what I'd put in place.

But as a result of that, it means there's almost no other options in this particular universe where they can have a happy future.

If Augus defeated Gwyn, they'd all be dead by now. Or alternatively, we'd have a new incarnation of the Each Uisge and the Glashtyn, and Gwyn would be back in his Kingdom, spirit dead, and Crielle puppeting him for the convenience of everyone.

[caatws]

Something about open canon interpretations that I think people miss is how Gamora's canon is the only one left open when it comes to her importance to the whole family and story. It's the only one left open when it comes to did they all grieve her death. It's not even clear if she's considered part of the family anymore and that's not good. Not when the guardians family is all the audience cares about. She's also the only character being attacked the way she is by some fans currently and that's worth thinking over. As is the lack of commentary on her role from James Gunn and the fact that when he does speak it's comments that further push the idea she's not important and doesn't matter to the other characters.

A lot of people miss this so I thought I'd share Intersectionality is important. You cannot colorblind your way through discussions of representation. You can't say Gamora's story/role worked for you on one level and then tell people they should ignore the other parts of her and how that's been handled. That's not how this works. Marvel even did a panel of a human Gamora a couple years ago where they made her look like Zoe to honor her as a woc. All aspects of who she is matters equally. It's not being mean or unfair or a bad fan to care about race, gender, sexual orientation etc. Discussing these things isn't ignoring other parts of canon that are well done. It's also not more harmful to be told your words or actions were sexist/racist/homophobic and hurt someone than it is to be on the receiving end of sexism/racism/homophobia etc.

There are good things about vol 3 and I'm grateful to people discussing them and writing about them. But it would be willfully ignorant to pretend Gamora's death was handled well. That she got as much character development as all the other guardians. That she got an equally fleshed out arc. That she was shown on screen support and love while figuring her life out during such a crazy experience of coming to the future. We didn't even get to see how she felt about Thanos finally being dead. I have seen some people say that Gamora got a good arc and people are just nitpicking or ignoring it. That would be believable if not for the fact that the majority of post movie discussions about how amazing the characters are surely haven't been about how well her character was handled. They aren't talking about how far she's come or how close she is to the other guardians. Pretending doesn't help.

real anon, i think part of what made vol 3 painful for me upon first watch is we are seeing the gotg at their very closest and best - some of these characters have known each other for 10 years now, the found family is found familying more than any previous gotg film before. and gamora missed it. we only got to see gamora found familying with the gotg during their first few months together in vol 1 and 2, and then everything in her next and final appearance was abt thanos; she gets like 1 scene with the whole team in iw before they split up. and it's just so sad to me that we even get to see nebula found familying and having these very specific dynamics with everyone that we just...never got to see our gamora have onscreen.

like, it just leaves me with so many questions abt gamora's individual relationships with everyone - questions that i likely may have had in 2014, walking out of the theater after seeing vol 1, excited for where the gotg would go from there and how all of the characters would grow together. it just sucks to know that 2014!me (2014!gamora pun a ha ha ha everybody laughed) will never get those answers in canon for gamora's character :/

before all this, i think gamora was on track to having one of the best arcs in the mcu. but once she was dead forever, from those specific circumstances, it was over. even peter killing her would've been a better conclusion to her arc, bc at least she would've still had some agency at the end, But Alas

and gamora being played by and essentially coded as a woc absolutely matters in this discussion. i've been saying it since 2017 - have been having to FIGHT ppl in this very fandom over it as well - but gamora being a woc is absolutely an important nuance to her background. like you're gonna look me in the face and tell me thanos isn't basically a space colonizer? that this storyline does not at all parallel the very real history of colonizers destroying others' homelands, killing entire populations in the name of some sort of bs theory that it's for the good of the ppl, and abducting/trafficking children from the very places and communities they destroy?? like holy hell my dudes. consider this when you wonder why some of us are upset !

[fakirchan]

HAI meowmemwomoewo u can answer this about ptutu if u want 💎 🍭🔥 EMOJI ATTACK ^____^

hello june!!!! ^_^

💎 When and how did you discover your special interest?

i'm pretty sure i first watched it in early november! crazy cus it still feels like just yesterday! my exposure to it was awhile ago i had a mutual who briefly liked it, i learned then what it was but thats kinda all. and then after not seeing it or thinking of it for months, someone sent me an ask talking about it on my sideblog and asking me about it, and that kind of made me curious about it so i decided to watch it! ^_^

🔥 How many special interests do you have at the moment?

well in a way i'm *really* only hyperfixating on ptutu and some mlp right now but, even if i dont really wanna play and havent done so in awhile, i'd still say cr is a spin. i could easily sit down and go on long talks about the cookies themselves. so i guess i'd say 3, just one is more prominent currently !

🍭 What’s a headcanon/theory you have about your special interest?

does changing a bunch of stuff count as headcanons ...? cus everytime i touch something i always change *major* parts of it into near rewrites... i'll just answer this to the best of my ability...

spoilers for this next bit obvs, i guess my own little headcanon would be after the events of the series, fakir was able to find a way to keep ahiru with the ability to change between a girl and a duck, maybe with his ability to write things that come true. honestly i thought that wouldve been a greaaat way to end it but also there was the whole point of "lets go back to being our true selves" and even though i would've preferred her still being able to be human, i do respect the ending/not totally hate it! its a happy ending, everyone is content and it does leave some room for imagination afterwards...!

[chyrstis]

Character Interview

Tagged by @sharky-broshaw and @softseeds! I was secretly hoping I would have a chance to do this, so you’re both awesome for giving me the chance. I have a second I’ll have to put together for either of my SR Bosses, or maybe I’ll let my potential New Dawn Captain out for a bit to see how she responds. :D

Tagging @finefeatheredfarcryplayer @twistedsinews @fkingpeggies @solesurvivorkat and anyone else that would like to do this! There’s another wave of small tags coming either way, so brace yourselves.

name ➔ Hana. Hana Vao.

are you single ➔ For a long time I was, but... *laughs* Not anymore! I really didn’t see that coming at all, which is probably why it took so damn long to happen, but let’s just say it was complicated. ...Yeah, complicated.

are you happy ➔ Yes. God, yes.

are you angry ➔  Not currently. Sure, I can get angry. Not angry enough to get it tattooed across my damn chest, but okay, fine. I’ve got a little bit of a temper. *holds up her hand to pinch her fingers together* Just a little.

are your parents still married ➔ No. They never married, and in fact, immediately broke up the minute my mom told him about me. Gotta love it. ...Bastard.

NINE FACTS

birth place ➔ Detroit, Michigan.

hair colour ➔ Dark red, or auburn, if you feel like getting fancy. 

eye colour ➔ Dark brown.

birthday ➔ October 6th.

mood ➔ Mostly upbeat. Ready to tango or throw down at a second’s notice, though.

gender ➔ Female.

summer or winter ➔ Summer. I miss the beach, and the warmer weather’s always an excuse to kick back and relax at night on the sand. With the right motivation, though, I think I could get to like the winters here.

morning or afternoon ➔ I’ll honestly take either, because they each have their own things that work for them. In the morning I can hop up, have coffee, or lounge around in bed wrapped up in someone warm, and...wait. I was about to make a case for afternoons, but let’s keep those mornings.

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

are you in love ➔ Yes. I wasn’t sure you could double-down on that feeling either, but you can, and I don’t know what I did to get so lucky. ...Especially now that I can actually have a chance to call it just that.

do you believe in love at first sight ➔ Kind of? It’s hard to say. I do believe in having strong feelings at first sight, but it could be love. It could be extreme amounts of irritation, it could be friendship. Affection, anything.

who ended your last relationship ➔ ...She did. It was justified enough at the time. I don’t think she ever thought I’d get serious enough for her to believe she was my top priority, and I’d been going through some shit trying to figure myself out and what I wanted from the future. But...I’d hoped to at least stay friends. Then she invited me to her wedding, which was pretty awkward, but I was mostly okay with it. I can be civil. Then she shared some opinions with me on our relationship I didn’t think she was in the right on, I got upset enough to get trashed, and...I slept with her brother. So, I burned that bridge to hell and back. 

have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ Yes.

are you afraid of commitments ➔ No, not at all. Now, I do admit, I’m a little bad at being able to read if someone’s legitimately into me. Or maybe it’s more like I have trouble believing they’re legitimately into me, but once it’s clear that it’s a case of ‘yes, I want you, and you, me’, I’m in. Completely.

have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ More like within the last ten to fifteen minutes. *grins* Sharky’s great like that.

have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ Sure. Everyone has at least one at some point in time. Honestly, I’m more the kind to be the secret admirer. There are so many people I’ve had silly crushes on over the years, it’s for the best that they never find out. I’d catch so much shit over it.

have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ Yes. Way too many times to count.

SIX CHOICES

love or lust ➔ Love. Gotta love lust when it backs it up, though.

lemonade or iced tea ➔ Half and half.

cats or dogs ➔  Cats! They’re so cute, but they tend to scratch me up. I need to work on fixing that. Might be my approach...

a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ Best friends, hands down.

wild night out or romantic night in ➔ Oh, damn. Both can be pretty damn fantastic, but a night in with the boys can’t be beaten ever.

day or night ➔ Night. There’s all sorts of things to do once the sun goes down, and I’ve always been more of a night person.

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

been caught sneaking out ➔ Yes. My mom gave me hell every time for it, but it never really stopped me.

fallen down/up the stairs ➔ Yes. No, you’re not getting an example. *grumbles to herself* There’s too many.

wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ *frowns* ...Yes. For better or worse.

wanted to disappear ➔ Sometimes. Not as much now, but there were times when I’d...I’d first lost my mother that I wondered if that would’ve been better for her if I had.

FOUR PREFERENCES

smile or eyes ➔  Real tough call. I’ve got two guys right now that can make me melt with either, so I have to go with both.

shorter or taller ➔ Tall. I like the view, and it’s better appreciated that way.

intelligence or attraction ➔ Attraction, though intelligence can be pretty damn sexy, so...

hook-up or relationship ➔ Relationship. I’ve done hook ups and while they’re fun, I really want to curl up with someone that wouldn’t mind waking up to my nonsense every day. And well, somehow two people have decided they’re willing to deal with that, so... *grins broadly* I’m in good shape.

FAMILY

do you and your family get along ➔ No, not at all. ...Though I'd like to think if they actually spent some time with me, we could work some of this shit out, but... *sighs* It’s a little late for that at either rate.

would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ No. Not really. My mom did everything she could to keep me comfortable and safe. I was the one that really fucked it up, and it fell apart right when she died. Coming back from that was tough. The hole I’d dug I was set on only making deeper, but with some work I snapped out of it one day and decided that what I was doing wasn’t helping myself any. And if there is an afterlife, my mom was spending it watching me piss everything away, and I didn’t want that.

have you ever ran away from home ➔ Once. It was stupid, and I wasn’t thinking straight. We’d just moved, I was upset since I’d met some really cool people and had to up and leave right before one of the school dances and I got the brilliant idea that I’d hitchhike or ride the bus all the way back to a friend’s house and figure it out from there. Lucky for me, my mom’s an ace when it comes to tracking down dumbass teens, and picked me up at my second bus stop.

have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ No. No matter how much of a little shit I was being, my mom never kicked me out.

FRIENDS

do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔  God, no. They’re important to me, and if I’m calling them a friend, they’re my friend.

do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ Yeah, after what we’ve all been through, I’d go to hell and back for any of them. I...I still don’t share as much of what I’m thinking and feeling with them as I should, but that’s my problem, not theirs.

who is your best friend ➔ Sharky. I don’t know how he did it other than by being his wonderful, lovely self, but he’s it and then some. ...And John’s getting there too. It's taken longer due to things being what they were, but...he‘ll get there.

who knows everything about you ➔ Jesus, let’s see... John. Sharky. Earl’s not there yet, but I think I’ve shared more than what he’d ever want to hear, mostly on his prompting and my oversharing/venting. But he’s great like that, and I don’t think I can thank him enough for it.

[princessofcurses]

[2] Struggling Sweetly

Part 1

Pairing: Ryomen Sukuna x Fem!Reader & Gojo Satoru x Fem!Reader Preface: Part 2. You’re devastated after your darling has cheated on you but an old friend has come to cheer you up. Unfortunately, it's never that easy. content warning: out of character, college AU, infidelity, alcohol, angst, sexy time, size kink, cigarette smoking, toxic relationships, blood, depression Word Count: 6.2k If you like it, please leave a like and/or reblog ♡

The next morning, you woke up with your cheek still squished to Satoru's chest and your leg draped over him. He was asleep and lightly snoring. You marveled at him: his soft and fair skin, his silky and messy hair, and oh god his toned body. The way you felt looking at him right now reminded you of the first time you met him and were captivated by him. It was your first year at Jujutsu High and Satoru was a third year. He was assigned to be your mentor and look out for you, the main reason being that the higher-ups had an eye on you, suspicious of your inexplicable strength. You were meeting in the courtyard and your impression as he walked towards you was that he was a giant; he's well over six feet! As you came to face each other, he had to look down to make eye contact with you which made you pout.

"Wow, Y/N! You're like a foot shorter than me."

The choppy laugh he let out annoyed you a bit and you stood there, staring at him in silence.

"Gojo Satoru. I'll be your mentor and guardian from now on!"

He reached out his hand for you to shake. You took his in yours and firmly gripped it, feeling his calluses and thinking this man works hard. His thumb lightly rubbed over the back of your hand and you quickly retracted yours, putting it back to your side, feeling a bit flustered.

"Gojo-san-"

"Call me Senpai."

You rolled your eyes, adding to your unamused expression while he snickered. You called him by the honorific with a bit of a hiss.

"Senpai, I don't need a guardian. I can take care of myself."

He shook his head and leaned forward to be at eye-level with you, putting his hands on your shoulders. A small vein on your forehead popped out from your irritation because of his patronizing behavior but then you caught a glimpse of his eyes above his pitch-black lenses. You had already known of the Six Eyes but they were even more beautiful and intense in person. They held the sparkling ocean, or maybe it's the sky, and thin clouds passed through them. You turned to ice, feeling mesmerized by him and his presence.

"I'm sure you can but it isn't just cursed spirits you need to be wary of. There are sorcerers that don't have good intentions for you too."

Noticing that you were in a bit of a daze, assumedly from his presence, he chuckled and put his arm around you and began walking.

"Well, don't worry. I'll be the best mentor and guardian. Ora. I'll show you around the campus."

That marked the beginning of a crush that lasted 4 1/2 years. It would've been 5 and maybe longer, but six months ago when you started your second year in college and Satoru started his fourth and last year, you met Sukuna who was in his last year as well.

Your reminiscing was cut short when Satoru began to stir, transitioning from dreaming to awakening. A groggy and throaty noise escaped from his mouth when he outstretched his arms and legs. Slowly opening his empyrean eyes, you perked up when his met yours. He smiled and spoke with a deep and sleepy voice that you found erotic.

"Hm? Have you been waiting for me to wake up?"

"No, no. I woke up not too long ago."

You stammered, not wanting him to know you spent the last several minutes ogling him in his sleep. You both sat up and Satoru began looking for his phone.

"What time is it?"

You unlocked your phone and held it up to his face so he could see the time.

"SHIT! 9 AM!? I was supposed to be in Osaka at 8 for a mission. Yaga's going to kill me."

Satoru hopped out of bed and frantically looked for his clothes, tearing the sheets up and looking under the bed. He found them and hurriedly put them on. You spotted his phone on the floor and picked it up to hand it to him.

"What's the mission?"

"Exorcising curses responsible for the many incomplete domains and missing people in the area."

"Sounds like fun! Can I come?"

"Sorry, sweets. I have to go alone since it's a field assignment for class. I'll be back in a few days. Wait for me?"

He gave you a peck on the cheek and patted the top of your head. You looked puzzled, pondering what he meant by 'wait for me' but before you got the chance to ask or even say goodbye, he had warped away.

Does he want me to wait in my room until he gets back? No, that can't be it. Ugh. I don't get it.

You went back under the covers and stared at the ceiling, sighing as you began to feel lonely. You opened up your contacts list on your phone and scrolled through the names, wondering who you should hit up to hang out with. You winced as you slowly passed by Sukuna's name; you pressed on his contact and was about to hit BLOCK but then an incoming call with his name on it took over your screen. The screen became blurry and your heart began to beat against your chest. Not knowing what to do, you waited there until the call went to voicemail but a few seconds after the ringing had stopped, he was calling again.

Don't answer it. There's nothing important he has to say to you.

Your hand holding your phone was shaking and you gave yourself a pep talk to be strong but you'd be lying if you said you didn't want to talk to him. If you answered, you hoped he would grovel at your feet and beg you for your forgiveness. But then what would you do? What would you want to happen afterward? You rid your head of the hypothetical situation and blocked his number after his second call went to voicemail. He had left one this time.

"Y/N, I know you don't want to talk to me or see me but I'm begging you, please give me a chance to explain. If you're truly done with me, can't we at least talk so I can get closure? Call me back. I love you."

Your heart skipped a beat when you heard him say he loves you. He had only said it a handful of times when you were still together. You tossed your phone to the other side of the room and brought the covers over your face.

“You love me, but you cheated on me? Why do you need closure, you idiot?”

You huffed in annoyance but then tears were escaping from the corners of your eyes. You grabbed the pillow Satoru used and buried your face in it, holding it to your chest tightly. His lingering scent made you feel a little better but you still sobbed into the pillow until you fell asleep.

The next week, after doing nothing except sleeping and sulking, you decided to go out to the club tonight for a few drinks and music so loud you wouldn't be able to hear your thoughts. You didn't have club attire so you pulled up in black cargo pants, a black tube top, and black platform boots and luckily, it barely made the dress code and the bouncer let you in. As soon as you stepped inside, you felt the stale air from all of the people crowded together. You squished in between some and pushed your way through others to get to the bar. Once you finally made it, you took a seat and ordered a strawberry margarita. Every so often, someone took a seat beside you to try and talk to you but you rebuffed each one with just a wave of your hand without even giving them a glance.

Three margaritas later and you were feeling tipsy, thinking now is a good time for a cigarette. Stepping out of the stuffy club into fresh air, you pulled out a fresh pack and checked your purse and all of your pockets for a lighter, sighing when you didn't have one. You timidly began to ask the people around you but were out of luck because they either didn't have one or they wanted something in return for it. Unsuccessful in your pursuit, you took a seat at one of the tables with your unlit cigarette between your lips. You sighed, your elbow on the table and your hand supporting your head up, using your other one to scroll through your phone.

"Do you need a light?"

You stiffened knowing whose voice it was and you slowly turned your head up to see Sukuna standing before you, a smile with a hint of mal intent on his face. Shaken up and unsure of what to say, he used the pause to take a seat in front of you and he pulled out a lighter. You leaned in and your eyes locked onto each other’s as he lit your cigarette. Seeing your doe eyes ignited something in him and you saw a mischievous glint in his. Feeling uneasy, you closed your eyes and took a deep drag.

So unlucky.

"You're the last person I thought I'd see at the club. And alone too?"

"I was bored and needed to get out of my apartment. That's all."

"You look beautiful tonight."

Caught off guard by his compliment, you bit your lip to keep yourself from smiling, reminding yourself why you two aren't together anymore in the first place. His hand moved towards your face and you flinched a bit, but he gently brushed some strands of your hair behind your ear. You looked down feeling disconcerted, his slight touch sending a chill through you. You inhaled deeply, taking another drag and beginning to feel lightheaded from the alcohol you drank earlier even more.

"Thanks."

That was all you were able to mutter out. You felt awkward and didn't want to say anything at all. The feeling was intensified when Sukuna put his knee between your legs, rubbing it against your thigh. He loved teasing you in public places. He held his hand out over the table for you to grab. You apprehensively took it and he brought your hand close to his face and kissed the back of it. He then set your hand on the table, putting his over yours. You stared at him as blush formed across your cheeks, overwhelmed by his presence. He smirked at your docility.

"You haven't been answering my calls or texts. Did you block me?"

You quietly answered.

"I did."

He shook his head in dissatisfaction.

"That's mean, princess. You don't know how much I've missed you."

He moved his knee farther in between your legs so it was lightly brushing against your cunt. He hummed in amusement when he felt your warmth, the desire in his eyes tempting you. You focused on keeping your cool but you were slowly losing your inhibitions. You hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks and for a little while, you forgot what he looked like. But even in the dim light, you could see his features perfectly: his pink hair and undercut that you loved ruffling, his tattoos that you would trace over with your fingertips, his build under your small hands, and his aura that hypnotizes you. He cheated on you but that doesn't mean a hook-up was out of the question, right? You took a drag and puffed the smoke out, deciding to shift away from him and your rash ideas. You were brought back from your thoughts when a woman approached you two.

"Hi, baby!"

You tensed up hearing the woman speaking sweetly to Sukuna. She wore a white off-the-shoulder dress and looked elegant, contrasting the full-on black streetwear you had on. Feeling a tad jealous, you wondered if she was more his type than you were. They exchanged a kiss and you turned your head discreetly and cringed. You had a look of disappointment on your face that changed to a more friendly expression when she greeted you. Sukuna introduced you to each other but your cloudy thoughts didn’t let you catch her name. You tried your best to wear a polite smile though you really wanted to scream in anger or cry in dejection.

"You go ahead inside. I'll be there in a little bit."

He gave her a kiss on the cheek and then she scurried away, waving goodbye to the both of you. Sukuna then slowly turned to face you and you squinted at him with disgust. Before he got the chance to speak, you stood up to leave.

"I have to go."

"Wait, Y/N. She's no one."

Your thoughts were in a flurry, wondering how he could even say that after they had just kissed in front of you. Feeling disrespected, you scoffed at his absurd statement.

"Looks like I'm interrupting something. You don't have to lie to me anymore. We're done, remember?"

"You're the love of my life, Y/N. I'm only hanging out with her because I'm lonely and I don't have you around."

Tired of his nonsense, you took one last, long drag, finishing the cigarette and blowing the smoke in his face. You dropped the stoge to the floor, extinguishing the flame by rubbing it into the ground with your foot. Your face was hot with fury and intensity lined your voice.

"You missed me so you started seeing someone else? Do you hear how ridiculous you sound? I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. I don't want anything to do with you. Okay? You cheated on me. You hurt me. You replaced me. We're finished."

You made a sound of disgust and turned your back to him, beginning to walk away. But he stood up after you and roughly caught your wrist, pulling you to his Herculean chest. The smell of his cologne was intoxicating and the warmth he radiated made you want to close the distance between you two but you reminded yourself he was already here with someone. Regardless of what he feels, his actions say something entirely different. You wanted to push him away but he spoke with a harsh tone that stopped you in your tracks.

"No, princess. Don't you know how much that hurts me?"

Sukuna looked down on you, scrutinizing you. He didn't want to get aggressive but he had lost his patience and he hated not getting his way. His dark stare brought a bit of fear to your eyes but you were enticed as well. The energy around him exuded sinful intentions and though your fight or flight response triggered, it exhilarated you more than anything. He leaned over to whisper in your ear, his voice deep and breathy.

"It's cute how defiant you're being but I think what you really want is to be taken for it in the back of my car right now."

His crass words were provoking you into submission. He leaned back and took hold of your chin between his thumb and index finger, tilting your head towards him and wearing a malevolent grin for you. His demeanor made you feel small and he knew it aroused you. He lightly pressed his lips against yours and hummed in contentment as you didn’t resist.

"I missed my little girl."

Stunned by the dominating air around him, you didn't kiss him back but you mindlessly followed him as he led you out of the patio area and to his car, his grip on your wrist still rough.

"Let's make up for lost time."

As you neared the vehicle, your thoughts began to flood. You knew this was a bad idea; your soul willed to reject him but your flesh was weak. You hadn't stopped missing Sukuna since you broke up and you wanted him so badly in this moment. You tried to justify it by telling yourself this was the last time for old time's sake and then you would really be finished with him. Your contemplation then transitioned to a vision of his date and you began to feel guilty, wondering how she would feel if she knew how low Sukuna could get. You almost brushed the thought off thinking Sukuna was yours in the first place but once he was about to open the door for you, Satoru's voice echoed in your head.

"Wait for me?"

Awakening from your stupor, you gasped and snatched your wrist back from Sukuna, Satoru's words finally making sense. You were dismayed at yourself as you almost traded your dignity for a little fling. You exhaled deeply and covered your face, tears collecting in your eyes. Ignoring the heartache in your chest, you steeled your resolve.

"I can't do this. If you really love me, you'd want what's best for me. And you're just not that. Not anymore."

His domineering presence disappeared and a bit of desperation was laced in his voice as he realized that you were no longer under his spell.

"Princess, please. I’ll do anything to atone."

"Save it for your next love."

You said it sharply but your chest ached as if you had just stabbed yourself with your own words. Tears ran down your face as you gave him a parting hug, cherishing for a few seconds the comfort you felt in his arms. You fit perfectly with him, his embrace on you snug yet tight and his chin resting on the top of your head. Not able to handle another second with him without sobbing, you teleported away. Sukuna stood there speechless, your warmth had left him and the rejection defeated him.

Once Satoru came back from his mission, he took you out to eat. He sat across from you at the maid cafe he suggested you both go to, though he insisted it wasn't because of the outfits, rather it was because of their delicious desserts. He ordered a crepe filled with strawberries and bananas, topped with chocolate sauce and powdered sugar, and strawberry and vanilla ice cream on the side. Your eyes grew in size at the sickly sugary and loaded confection and your sweet tooth ached for it.

"Why couldn't you have gotten me my own crepe?"

"I got the biggest size so we could share! You wouldn't have been able to finish one on your own anyway, sweets."

You shrugged and quieted your protests. Eating a spoonful of the sweet course, you closed your eyes and hummed in delight. Satoru smiled warmly watching you eat and then followed suit.

"How was the mission?"

“A cakewalk. I thought it’d be a little challenging because of the volume of incomplete domains but a first-grade sorcerer would’ve been sufficient. What’d you do while I was gone?”

You were in awe at his coolness and confidence he effortlessly exuded. But at his question, you let out a long exhale and rested your chin on your knuckles.

“I went to a club and saw Sukuna with a girl. She called him baby and they kissed right in front of me."

"Ouch."

He made a straight face and pursed his lips. You were apprehensive to tell him what happened next, but you weren’t one to lie or keep things from others. You sighed again, anxiously moving fruit around the plate with your fork.

"Worst of all, he tried to seduce me and it almost worked."

He leaned forward in interest, raising his eyebrow and looking at you intently. You nervously met his gaze, unsure of what he thought about the situation.

"Almost?"

"My mind was all over the place debating whether I should or not but I decided not to because I remembered you telling me to wait for you."

He chuckled haughtily and patted you on the head endearingly. You winced at his reaction, his unpredictability confusing you as usual.

"I said wait for me? I meant that I'd be back soon. I'm flattered you thought I didn't want you having sex with anyone else. Though that isn't my decision to make, is it?"

Your palm met your forehead, feeling a little foolish at your misinterpretation of his words. Though you couldn’t be sure that that was what he really meant. Regardless, you didn't want to seem desperate for him.

"Well, whatever. Hooking up with him would've been a mistake."

He nodded, taking a spoonful of crepe, fruit, and ice cream and holding it up to your mouth to feed you. You gladly accepted it, looking up at him and making eye contact as your lips slipped off of the spoon. He returned your lusty stare, telling you that he knew what was on your mind.

"Is this… a date?"

You innocently asked him, not wanting to get the wrong idea of his company.

"Yeah, it is."

You were surprised at the seriousness of his tone. Usually, he teased you by skirting around these kinds of questions.

"And I want to ask you out on another date tonight. Suguru is throwing a party! Everyone will be there. Let's go together."

"That sounds like a lot of fun, but you should go without me. I'm assuming 'everyone' includes Sukuna too."

A look of disapproval was shown on your face at his proposition and he pouted, voicing his objection.

"He might be there but what does it matter? Are you scared of him?"

You sighed in exasperation, knowing this was a bad idea. But you had already stood up to him twice now. Surely you could do it again if a confrontation happened. Though you would prefer not to put yourself in a situation like that at all, you didn’t want his mere presence to influence your actions. You pushed the plate of dessert towards Satoru to signal you were full and done eating. He happily ate the rest. You conceded to him.

"Fine."

"Yay! I'll pick you up at 9 then."

Later that night, Satoru arrived at your apartment an hour behind schedule. You were laying on your bed, hanging off the edge of it upside down when he walked in. He was wearing a fitted white dress shirt that you could easily see his muscular figure in and he had the first couple of buttons undone. Your eyes widened at his attractive appearance and you felt completely underdressed in your colorful shirt, baggy corduroy pants, and platform converse.

"Oh. It's that kind of party?"

His eyes lowered at your outfit and he frowned.

"I had a feeling you didn't have the right clothes for the occasion so I bought you something."

He handed you a black mini dress with spaghetti straps for you to wear. You took it and examined it, trying to decide if you liked it or not.

"You didn’t need to do that. It's not really something I'd buy for myself."

"At least try it on. Please? You can wear your platform boots with them."

You compromised and asked him to look away while you changed but he pretended not to hear you.

"Oh and Y/N? Don't wear a bra."

Your eyebrows scrunched and you pouted at him but you undressed down to your panties anyway. Satoru was obviously checking you out and you saw him lick his lips from the corner of your eye. He scanned you up and down, taking a bit more time viewing your breasts and ass that your panties couldn’t fully cover. You slipped on the dress and it fit a little too well, accentuating your curves and falling right at mid-thigh. After putting your platforms on, you looked at yourself in the mirror, content that you had at least one piece of clothing you were comfortable in.

Satoru came up behind you and hugged you, admiring your figure in the garment he had purchased just for you. His hands trailed the curve of your waist to your hips slowly while he pressed his lips against your ear, lightly licking your earlobe.

"You look delicious, sweets."

Taking one last look at yourself in the dress, and in his arms, you closed your eyes in satisfaction, your heart fluttering. He then grabbed your hand and led you out of the apartment to his car. After putting the key in the ignition, he drove fast, speeding recklessly towards Suguru’s residence. His driving unsettled you, but you were comforted when his hand moved to your thigh, giving it a squeeze. The drive was short and once you got there, you were on edge knowing Sukuna would see you tonight and would undoubtedly approach you. Your thoughts were interrupted when Satoru opened the car door for you and put his hand out for you to grab.

"You're welcome for the dress, by the way."

You turned your head and made a ‘hmph’ sound but then you batted your eyelashes at him and blushed, taking his hand and following his lead. Once you were inside and in view of your friends, you and Satoru unclasped hands, in silent agreement that you didn't want them to think anything was going on between you two yet.

"Fashionably late as usual. And Y/N! We haven't seen you in forever."

Suguru said as he lightly shoved Satoru. Suguru then embraced you tightly, picking you up and twirling you around. You yelped and Shoko came to your rescue, picking you out of his arms and giving you a tight hug as well. They both became straight-faced and asked how you were doing after the breakup. You chuckled nervously, putting your hand behind your head.

"I'm doing fine. Is Sukuna here already?"

"I haven't seen him yet. But wow! I've never seen you in a dress before. You look great."

Shoko nodded in agreement but then snickered after she surveyed you in the dress.

"Is it cold in here?"

Pointing to your nipples that were poking through your garment. Satoru and Suguru’s eyes fell to your chest and they both grinned. You instantly reddened and put your head down, calling them out.

"Stop looking!"

The three of them laughed endearingly while you crossed your arms over your chest to cover it. Shoko pulled you to the side while Suguru and Satoru began conversing with each other about their last missions.

"Seriously, Y/N. Are you okay? I heard Sukuna cheated on you and he's been seeing someone else already."

You sighed, a bit upset that your business was probably known by everyone by now.

"I saw them together at the club last week. It was terrible. Sukuna came with her but we almost hooked up in the back of his car while she was at the bar."

Shoko grimaced at the awkward situation. She put her arm around you to comfort you and you leaned into her.

"I just wanted to warn you that he'll probably show up with her tonight. And what about Satoru? You two are hanging out again?"

"Yeah, I'm slowly trying to reconnect with everyone I disappeared on when I started dating Sukuna."

She smiled knowing she'd be seeing you more often. Satoru and Suguru argued about who knows what but they resolved it quickly and rejoined your conversation.

"Well, you two should go grab a drink! Let's catch up later."

Suguru nudged you both in the direction of the alcohol. They had almost every kind but the only hard liquor you could keep down was tequila. Satoru knew that and had already poured you a shot.

"I'm only having a couple of drinks since I'm driving. I'll take care of you though."

"I can handle my alcohol, thank you very much."

You both said cheers and clinked shot cups. Downing the bitter drink, you made a face of disgust, wanting to cough it up. He then skillfully made two margaritas for both of you to sip on. You chugged it instead and Satoru furrowed his eyebrows at you, thinking he would definitely need to look out for you tonight despite your earlier protest.

"Do you wanna dance?"

You nodded and he led you into the dark room only dimly lit by red LED lights on the ceiling though you could see his intense eyes holding the heavens clearly. The faint light made the atmosphere erotic. He pulled you closer to him, his hand on the small of your back, and you awkwardly did a two-step dance. The unsynchronized movement didn’t fit with the music so he turned you around so your ass was on his crotch. He had to bend his knees a considerable amount because of your height difference. Regardless, he held you close and led your hips to grind on him. The slow swaying and the tequila setting in made you rid yourself of whatever awkwardness that was left.

"This dress looks a little too good on you."

He whispered in your ear as he began to get more frisky, one of his hands cupping your breast while the other crossed over your torso and rested on your hip. He held you close to him tightly, leaving no room between you two and wanting to get even closer. He buried his head in the crook of your neck, lightly kissing down it. You shivered a bit under his touch, sighing in gratification. Your hand found the nape of his neck and you held onto it, giving in to your lust as you felt his erection forming.

"Let's go somewhere else."

Grabbing your wrist, he eagerly led you out into the hallway where he pushed you against the wall, caging you between his arms. He kissed you feverishly, his lips smacking against yours and his tongue finding its way into your mouth where he brushed along your wet muscle. He lightly bit your bottom lip and you let out a soft moan, your body feeling loose and ready for more. Your hand trailed down his torso and over his groin, where you lightly grabbed his hard cock. He was a bit startled but then he smiled, kissing into you even more roughly, his hands cupping your face. You pulled away from his lips to lean over and whisper in his ear.

"Can we get out of here? I want you."

Your doe eyes and sweet voice feigning innocence made him drag you out of the house with a quickness.

As soon as you got outside, he gave you another impassioned kiss and grabbed your ass with both of his hands. You two were about to head over to Satoru's car when you heard a thunderous voice.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Satoru?"

Sukuna stomped his way over to you two and placed his hand on Satoru's shoulder. Satoru made a sound of disgust and brushed his hand off, turning to face him. He leaned over to look at the woman standing beside Sukuna and he scoffed.

"Aren't you going to introduce us to your new girlfriend, Sukuna?"

Satoru spoke his name with a hiss and had the smuggest smile on his face seeing Sukuna seething with anger.

"She's not my girlfriend and what the fuck are you doing with Y/N? You're always getting your hands on my sloppy seconds."

You and Sukuna's date both winced at different parts of his harsh comments. This was probably the worst-case scenario.

"Don't be so full of yourself. Not a fan of your type, besides Y/N of course. And how could you cheat on the sweet girl? Let me guess, is it because you couldn't have the fucked up sex you want with her?"

The girl’s eyes widened, realizing Sukuna had cheated on you with her. You cringed at Satoru’s unintentional insult towards her, seeing how hurt and confused she was already. Your eyebrow raised at Satoru's comment and you inserted yourself into the conversation.

"What are you talking about, Satoru?"

Sukuna crossed his arms and shook his head. Satoru chuckled arrogantly and looked at you with darkened eyes.

"Why don't you tell her why you cheated, Suku?"

He mockingly called Sukuna by the nickname you had given to him. Sukuna sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead with his index finger and thumb in frustration. He didn’t want you to find out like this but he was caught and couldn’t lie anymore.

"I have some kinks I didn't think you'd be into. I got drunk and couldn't control myself when I met someone with similar quirks."

Sukuna spoke as if his date wasn't even there. She glanced at you with embarrassment and dipped her head down so none of us could see her face. You huffed in disbelief and you shot him a dirty look, glaring at him.

"That's why you cheated on me? You didn't trust me enough to tell me what you desired? You didn't even give me a chance to decide whether I did or not?"

"Y/N, what are you even doing with Satoru? Was looking like a pathetic puppy following him around for years not enough indication of how he feels about you? How hopeless everyone thought you were until you started dating me?"

He deflected your questions and you balled your fists in anger, feeling like you were close to your boiling point and about to explode.

"Pathetic, huh?"

"Yes, pathetic. Running back to Satoru as soon as we're over? You don't think it's odd he went after you as soon as he found out we broke up?"

You slapped Sukuna straight across his face, his head turning and your eyes glowing red at him with rage. Your cursed energy changed the air around you hostilely and the three of them shuddered feeling it. Sukuna placed his hand over his cheek where you had hit him and he scowled. His date trembled at your actions and she tugged on his sleeve to ask if he was okay, to which he shrugged her off insensitively.

"I don't give a damn what you think of what I'm doing, Sukuna. You cheated on me for an asinine reason and then you berate me for actions that have nothing to do with you. I never want to see you again."

You spoke jeeringly. Satoru tried to grab your hand to comfort you but you plucked it away from him. He began to plead with you. Sukuna smiled slightly seeing that he successfully pitted you against Satoru.

"Y/N, I told you I'd make everything right. And I will, slowly and steadily."

You rolled your eyes and shook your head in resentment. You were done with all of this and everyone, ready to leave it all behind.

"The both of you can go fuck yourselves."

Satoru looked at you with pained eyes while Sukuna couldn't even face you. You turned to Sukuna's date and sighed, putting your hand on her shoulder in an act of comfort. You were both completely humiliated and she was on the verge of tears. You had a similar feeling but anger was the more prominent emotion.

"I'm sorry about all of this. You really don't deserve it."

She was mortified and began to cry, unable to speak. You turned your back to the three of them and began walking away.

"Don't follow me. I mean it. You two disgust me. I don't know who or what you think I am but I'm not a fucking toy."

"Y/N, please…"

Satoru's voice trailed as the distance increased between you two. You released your balled fists and one of your palms was red and stinging from the vicious slap you gave Sukuna. You then put your hands over your face, groaning loudly.

"What the fuck was all that?"

The walk home was miserable. You trudged back to your apartment, walking uncomfortably as the cold bit at your skin harshly and the dress hiked up your thighs. You constantly pulled the piece of clothing down to an almost modest length for the entire thirty-minute walk. The scene between you four replayed in your mind relentlessly. You wished you could just forget the past six months.

As soon as you stepped into your apartment, you fell down to your knees in front of the mirror. You examined yourself, thinking that you didn't like who you were or anyone very much at this moment. You banged on the mirror with the side of your fist, shattering the glass and distorting your reflection. Your hand began bleeding, shards of glass still embedded in it. And then, you began to sob hard, trying to catch your breath. Your chest felt heavy and your heart ached beneath it. Your phone hadn't stopped ringing since you left, mostly from calls and texts from Satoru, a few from Suguru and Shoko, and a couple from an unknown number which you assumed was Sukuna. You doubted yourself and the people closest to you.

"Am I not deserving of the love I give to others? Am I really just a pitiful person?"

You laid face down on the floor in despair. Exhaling deeply, you were unbearably exhausted and the confidence in yourself had completely dissipated. The depression began to settle in and you fell asleep in absolute defeat.

Note: Watch out for fluff next chapter <3

master list

MIGRATING TO A NEW BLOG @baji-san

[stargazing-enby]

hi, i hope i'm not bothering you. i'm wondering if you could give me some advice.

so basically... i want to want to come out to my family or at least my parents because they keep making jokes about me getting a boyfriend or having crushes on boys and stuff like that.

i'm pretty sure i'm a lesbian and those "jokes" make me feel really uncomfortable and sad, but i still laugh along. i know this could all be avoidable if i just came out to them yet that idea scares me so much.

they're allies, i know that they will accept me, so i don't know why i can't just do it and why i'm afraid to do so. there are so many people who don't have that privilege and i feel absolutely horrible because they don't even have that choice and meanwhile here i am being frightened by people who will accept me being me.

and then there's this other thing where people make it look so fucking easy to come out. like they just bring it up randomly and boom, they're done. no fear involved. how the fuck.

every time i think about telling my family, it makes me feel nauseous and i just want to run away from that thought. i know i could just wait until i'm ready but then people will keep making jokes about boyfriends and shit. i really don't know what to do.

please please please don't answer if you don't want to. thank you for your time i hope you have a nice day <3

Hi! No worries, it doesn't bother me :)

I'm sorry they keep making jokes about you getting a boyfriend :( I used to hate those so much myself.

I'm sure many people genuinely find it easy to come out to their families, but it's absolutely okay if that's not the case for you. It's okay to find it extremely hard, even if you know they're allies and you know they'd support you. If it's any consolation, I was the same with my transness. I told my dad I was trans around October last year. I'd been wanting to tell him since July. I made myself miserable for months on end before I could (barely) get the words out. Every time I opened my mouth to tell him, I'd get so physically sick from anxiety I had to get out of the room or walk away from him. And all of this despite the fact that he already knew I like women and is very supportive of that, and despite the fact that he kept telling me things like "I'll love you no matter what" and "you can tell me anything" (I obviously wasn't subtle about wanting to tell him something lol).

Even after I told him I'm trans and was met with words of love and support, it took me until effing Christmas Eve to ask him to use he/him for me, and I don't think I told him about my name change until a couple of months ago at most. By the time I told him, I'd already told dozens of people, many of them people who barely knew me. It was easier to tell strangers and acquaintances than my own supportive family.

All this to say, coming out to parents can absolutely be really fucking terrifying no matter how supportive they are. And that's normal! They're the people who have known you the longest, and they can be amongst the people whose opinion you care about the most and whose support you need the most. And even if you know they're supportive of queer people in general, in many cases you just can't know how far that support goes, or how much they understand, or how many questions they'll have, or whether—in trying to support you—they'll say the wrong thing and you'll feel attacked and unsafe in an already very scary and vulnerable moment. All of this is twice as true when you're not even sure of your own identity yourself, and you're still figuring things out. Because then, a single "oh, I never would've thought you were a lesbian" or "oh, but you always liked boys as a kid" can send you into a spiral of self-doubt and denial.

Now, with all of this being said, my question is: do you want to come out to them, or do you just want the jokes about boyfriends to stop?

Because if you want to come out to them (it doesn't have to be as a lesbian, you can just say "I like girls, not boys" or any other information you want to give them), my advice would be to keep trying. It's hard, it makes you feel sick to your stomach, and it is an exhausting thing to put your body and mind through, which is why you should make sure to rest and do self-care and not punish yourself if you have low energy/tolerance levels while this is going on. But if you're anything like me, you'll reach a point where you're so tired of carrying this weight around every waking hour you'll just blurt it out in a panic eventually. If that doesn't sound like something you'd do, you can also try alternative methods, like writing it down, texting it to them, adding rainbow to your room/giving them other hints that will make them ask you about it, or something else entirely.

But if the only reason you want to come out to them right now is you want the jokes to stop, you can also just ask them to stop with the jokes! You don't owe them a single explanation about your sexuality. No matter how supportive they are, they're not entitled to that information. You can simply say "hey, the jokes about me liking and dating boys make me uncomfortable, and I'd appreciate it if you stopped." If they ask you why, you can say your love life is a private matter, or you don't want to explain it, or something similar. If they insist, reiterate that you want them to stop, and focus on how they'd really make you feel safer around them if they respected this boundary. If you can, try to say this in a way that conveys that you expect them to be understanding and respectful.

You're not horrible for finding it hard, and you shouldn't compare yourself to people without supportive families. Everyone's journey is different and complex in its own ways, and all of the reasons I stated above are just some of the reasons coming out to a supportive family can be terrifying. And, most importantly, you can't punish yourself into not feeling emotions you don't think you deserve to feel. Your emotions are gonna be there, whether you want them to or not. You can fight against them, bury them, feel shame and guilt around them—or you can acknowledge them, let them come and go, and focus on what you can do to get through them in a way that makes you feel better.

Hope you have a nice day too! 😊

[lovee-infected]

♦♥ Paint them red ♠♣

[Yandere!Riddle Rosehearts x reader] [pr 2] [pr 1]

♠♠♠♠

"Enough"

(y/n) Stood there helplessly , after all she knew better : it's always the same.

"30 days , one month , don't be late "

Again

and again

and again...

There was no end .

Fixing her dress , she bows to Riddle with a : " Thanks for the tea , Riddle ." , leaving immediately , trying her best not to run as long as being in his sight .

(y/n) was no longer a hopelessly romantic child , but a young , well grown lady instead. The girl who was known for being loud and carelessly excited about new things long away died inside her ; all that was left was an obedient , quite shell , serving its master.

It's been years since (y/n) firstly stepped into rabbit's trap and now , she could feel the hole being digged deeper and deeper each time she returned to start this mad game over which was getting longer and deeper each time ... slowly turning from a hollow to a pitch black well...

How slow and temporary , she didn't ever see this coming

At first all was a simple tea party , or that's what she thought . They'd normally talk but (y/n) wasn't ever the one to ask ; perhaps it begun because she found it rude to ask a host questions at first , but it continued because she no longer dared to ask anything . It was pretty unnoticeable at first since she was just trying to be polite against Riddle , considering his countless questions a small trend out of curiosity , but soon , things changed

Riddle begun with any simple thing others might ask : Her favorite books , animals , opinion on sweets , favorite activities to do...

(y/n) wouldn't be bothered by answering any of them , though it sometimes took hours

She must've admitted that she quite enjoyed herself spending time with him , someone who's always willing to listen to you instead of forcing you into listening to them : Riddle was often the listener , not the speaker . There were very few times she could get him talking about himself but it didn't get any further than simple comments on different types of tea and sometimes his obsession with rules . She'd asked him about his family a couple of times and he'd just...change the topic by asking more questions before she could argue

He didn't ever say a word , but (y/n) could tell it from his face : He wasn't happy . She'd spent countless hours talking about her friends and family , how much they mean to her and she loves them expecting him a similar reply or at least , a note to his family and friends . But he'd always end up being quieter than ever , not even looking her in eyes . When they were younger it used to bring him blushes on cheek and watery eyes , making him have to turn back and wipe them away before (y/n) could've seen , but she always saw .

Perhaps that was what made her want to keep playing his game for sometime longer , hopeful that she could actually change him . She thought that it's what makes her a nice person , a good friend . She really thought that it was what Riddle needed .

But he didn't

(y/n) used to believe that she was changing him , that she was taking the pain away , that she was taking making him stronger than before .

(y/n) didn't realize how she was the one being changed by Riddle , slowly becoming his doll .

Even his questions slightly changed from simple friendly ones to deep , personal accusations .

He would ask her about he smallest spots on her life : What time she'd wake up , what she'd eat , how many hours would she spend outdoor , anything she does durnig her days , even dreams she'd have

None of these seemed to be any big deal on their own , but things are different when there's someone knowing them all .

With all these years being asked and exposed from head to toe , he was starting to know (y/n) better than she did herself :

He could tell what would be the first thing that'll come to her mind when she wakes up tomorrow , and what she'd whisper slowly before closing her eyes to sleep

He could tell what will make her smile when she walks in to her house and what will make her cry after quiting her classes .

Her whole personality was a half written book and Riddle had decided to write the rest of it after reading all that was written .

sending a mild shiver down her body and mind . He was neither asking nor or dering , he was speaking of a speaking of a fact . A request can be denied , and order may be disobeyed , but his words...they were like predictions of her future . What she will do in three days...one month . He was the puppeteer and she the small , naive doll.

(y/n) could sense his heavy gaze on her each time hey met ; all of her.

She could find herself being judged into his eyes :

Head to toe

left to right

Outside to inside

She could feel them all watched-

And she didn't like it

More roses would grow every months . More time would be spent on that hellish tea parties . All of her now non-existing personality had been wiped off her , since the day her curiosity killed the cat .

She couldn't take it anymore , she was sick of it , all of it . Sick of being haunted by Riddle's phantom . She was sick of not being able to smile in years . She was sick of his '30 days , one month ' . She was sick of him

Month after month , party after party , year after year...

Enough

What was wrong with her ? Why didn't she ever try to run away ? 'because he would find her-'?

No

No he wouldn't

He wouldn't even realize how she ran off , forever. What was there to stop her...?

Roses

Roses and more roses

They weren't yet done , and will never be...

Unless...

♣♣♣♣

(y/n) stepped into the empty area , all quiet and dark now . She must've returned home hours ago , but no . Not until this ends , so she can have a peaceful sleep after years . Wind growled and trees shook , while the moon brightened up her figure standing right in the middle of the forest .

She gazed upon the rose bushes with hatred , wishing that she could burn each and every one of them in flames ; flames that have been burning her for so long .

But no , there was no use destroying all that was created by her own hands , she wasn't going to touch any of red roses. All she needed were the white ones . No more painting , never again .

She tightened her fist , feeling her blood boiling . She's been played with over the years , just to end up here . Heart broken and tired . She suddenly remembered the old moments this place carved into her heart ; times that were actually sweet . It wasn't like this before , and she never thought that it would be . There were many times she thought that she was in love with Riddle , even after he turned into a monster she'd never expected him to be . There was no deny of it , Riddle was her closet one now , he's been for so long . No one ever knew her like he did , not a single soul wished to listen to her like he always does , there wasn't and will never be anyone more willing to meet her each and every time like Riddle would , never .

She could feel her eyes teary and her throat heavy ; she couldn't help it . Riddle had stolen all of her , including her heart . She was supposed to be mad but she couldn't , Riddle was a part of her now . Just as much as she wanted to run away from him , she wished there to be a way to stnad by his side for an eternity , forever . She didn't need anyone else when he was around , he couldn't think of anything else than him . Riddle had become her one and only option , but this wasn't right . This couldn't be right. There was no way she could walk up to him throwing herself into his embrace , telling him how she felt and asking him to stop playing with her . She wish she could but no , he will never change , unlike her . She now hated how much she'd changed into such a pitty full doll , she couldn't take it anymore . There was no way of Riddle ever letting go of her thoughts , he'll always be a part of her . (y/n) wished they could've stayed together forever but this wasn't a fairy tale , life never was. She now had to let go of her fantasies and live the reality for once .

"Forgive me..." , she said as tears fell down her eyes . Her vision went blurred but that wasn't going to hold her back from seeing white roses through the night . She cut them one by one , ruthlessly , crazily , hatefully

4,5,6

She cursed herself for the first time she stepped there , cursed the world by making the two of them meet the day , and cursed Riddle for catching her heart and getting her to where she was .

9,10,11

She cried as her hands turned just as injured as her heart , filthy and drowned in blood , making her let out a silent scream

12 , 13...

She rose both of her hands to catch the last rose , the 13th...

Just to feel choked on neck and pulled back harshly by hair at once .

Riddle harshly pulled (y/n) by neck , almost breaking it . Her body hardly met the ground ,starting to wheeze , The freezing cold ground now seemed a lot warmer than her frozen mind . She apparently lost the ability to move or talk , not even daring to look up , begging him for mercy .

He knew she'd come back

Just as he knew her everything

"I'd warned you about my temper , (y/n) .Thought that you were smart enough to listen "

(y/n) wished to find a source of anger through his voice , but she didn't . It would've been way better than this terrifyingly calm and cold tone of him which made her blood run cold and her throat dry .

" I knew that you'll one day try to run away , had no idea that it'd come this soon though..." , he said , slowly pulling (y/n) up by hair , making her silently cry with her eyes closed , biting her lip to shut her scream .

"Tell me , (y/n) , " his eyes weren't at her , but at the now destroyed rose bush : " You seriously did think that all that was bounding you to me were these roses...? " his hand was pulling her hair recklessly , yet his voice managed to be calm as ever , that was just like him .

" Roses will wither , tea will run cold , copper will ring , that's the matter of nature, " his words brought you back to your first day here , the day you two met . Withered roses , half empty tea cups and ringed chest clock ...

" Not all relationships can be bound by such things , they cannot be measured by mortality and such short lasting stuff..." , he continued with his rhythmic tone , making (y/n) feel worse and worse.

" If it were just roses , you would've ran away long ago . There was something else , right ? Something that kept you coming to me ," his words are as deep as ever , making she ask herself the same question :

'Why didn't she ever run away?'

Right , there wasn't any force on her ; there never was. She was there because of the choices she , and she had made so far . It was her choice to go to the deeper part of the forest thougt her parents had forbidded her from doing so . It was her choice to come back one month after painting first half of the roses and it was her choice to keep playing this game until now , what could the reason be ? Fear ? Respect ? Curiosity..?

" What could the reason be (y/n) ? Why did you choose to come back to me each and every time? " he asked , but he certainly wasn't expecting an anwser .

" Can't you see this ? it's because I am your choice . You've got a great family , wonderful friends , and an amazing life . But were they really enough for you ? Did they ever satisfy you like they should ? "

For once , she didn't get what Riddle was saying . Satisfied ? Why shouldn't she be satisfied ? Did he really think that she preferred to be caught in the middle of the woods here with him than being out with the ones whom she really loved?

" You laugh with them , cry with them and smile with them , day to day , hour to hour , minute to minute . But is that really enough for you ?"

(y/n) remained blank at his words , unsure what to say or how to feel but...what if he wasn't that wrong...?

" When was the last time someone asked you how you feel ?"

Last time ? It was Riddle of course . He'll ask the same question everytime they meet , not even caring if he keeps getting the same anwser as before .

" You talk with them , from how cute kittens are to how sweet lollypops can be , but what was the last time you talked about yourself ? "

Last time...was there even a first time ? Did they even care to ask her about herself ? She didn't know . She was the questioner out there , unlike how she was with Riddle .She was the one to always bring up topics , no one would ever ask her anything but regular stuff or things she'd bring herself . She thought that it was all she needed to live , wasn't it enough..?

" You know it yourself , don't you ? No one out there cares for you , (y/n) . Not a single soul . Your parents protect you as a responsibility , your friends talk to you as their own entertainment and others , others are just passing by . You're nothing but an invisible shallow to them , do you like it? "

(y/n) wished she could've argued him on that point , but realizing how he had a point his throat went dry again , unwilling to face reality :

No she didn't , she hated it . She hated it all . She hated how she smiled and shouted just to gain attention . She hated all times she cut off into her friends chats just because no one was going to ask her to join , she hated everyone around her for not ever coming to her unless having a trouble or being in need and she hated how fake all her life were ,

Hated

" You needed a listener , someone who would really care to know about you and only you , someone like me . No one will ever know you like I do , not a single soul will wish to listen to you like I always do , there wasn't and will never be anyone more willing to meet you each and every time like I would , never . "

Riddle's words were too complicated for her to describe ; gloomy and sad , fluffy and sweet , bitter and sour , just like Riddle himself ; a total riddle .

" I'm the one for you (y/n) , and you're the one for me . Our bound isn't a simple strand that can be destroyed by cutting roses off , and you know it . "

He suddenly freed (y/n)'s hair , making her head bang the ground again . He leans toward her to pull her up from behind , holding her from the armpit. Just as your first time .(y/n) was now feeling all dizzy and shakey , not even able to stand if he wasn't holding her . She felt weak in legs , arms , mind , all of her . No longer sure if it was a dream or reality .

He helped her try to stand on her own feet , but didn't let go . He lowered his head to whisper into her ear : " Roses will grow again , but I won't let go of you this time . "

(y/n) was expecting something different , something romantic or low-key sweet , something that a lover might say . But uh , not all love stories are like those ordinary ones , not all fairy tales have a sweet , happy ending .

Riddle held her by waist with his left hand , while holding her right hand with the right , bringing her closer to the very last rose left . For the first time she knew what he was about to do , with your bloody hand still fresh and pleasing for him : " And now , you shouldn't waste that all " he says before bringing her hand closer to the rose , making her fingers meet its petals . This time Riddle wasn't the only one painting it , he was just holding her hand . She brushed her fingers down the soft petals , careful enough to do it as soft as possible . Her first time doing this was filled with excitement and her 10 minutes ago with hatred , but now , all that was left was a simple breeze among flowers , she couldn't even feel anything . It couldn't be called sad or happy , it couldn't be called neutral either . All that she could feel from the moment was the sight of her fingers dancing on petals , and on the other side...Riddle . His warm breathe brushing her neck , their bodies touching and tied closed as if they were actually hugging . And his heart...the feeling of it beating at (y/n)'s back . This sound was just as it were years ago , just as calm , just as rhythmic , just as beautiful

(y/n) felt empty yet...safe right there . Her future had dark and cold inside if she were to have an compliment on it now , but for now , being held close to Riddle into his warm and calming embrace , seemed enough for her ;

Enough to believe in fairy tales ...♥

♦♥♠♣

This was supposed to be finished ten days ago lol , happy non-birthday to you Ana @yandere-romanticaa 💕💕💕

Tagging : @twst-soul @kanaverni @twistedlymad @yandere-of-your-dreams @ghostiebabey @roaringyouth @yandere-wishes @tsuisute ♥

[somersetmummy]

(A/N): This fic takes place immediately following book 1 chapter 11 (after being rescued by Sam from Sofia's closet). Not going to lie, I originally posted this monster fic (7000+ words) on Wattpad as a whole (my first fic, I didn’t know better!) so I’ve taken the opportunity to re-write and condense but thought it read better as two parts. 

Series/Pairing: The Nanny Affair (M!Sam Dalton x MC Katie Hide) 

Original characters - all property of PB: Katie Hide (MC), Sam Dalton, Mason & Mickey Dalton, Jenny Blake, Robin Flores (Part Two only)

New characters: (Present in Part Two) Serena-Rose Warren, Tessa Finch, Lucinda Hansen 

Rating/Content warning: 18+ Light sexual language

Word Count: 1880

Summary: Driving home together, Nanny Katie Hide and her boss Sam Dalton get a little hot and steamy after she receives an offer of a night out with the girls. 

Find Part Two here.

Part One -

The companionable silence within the car provides a stark contrast to the chaos of rush hour on the streets outside. Sam leisurely meanders through the traffic seemingly taking care not to rush the journey, enjoying a rare opportunity for the two of them to steal a fleeting moment to themselves. With their fingers laced together resting on his thigh, as his other commands control of the steering wheel, she steals a lingering glance in his direction relishing in the flutters which catch in her stomach as he notices her watching him. His lips curl into a comfortable smile in reply of her unspoken affection and it takes all his might to keep his eyes on the road.  

In the footwell below her feet the distant hum of a phone, neglected in her bag, buzzing faintly to itself punctuates the quiet once again, as it has been for the last ten minutes. Tired of being ignored, the buzzing transforms into a piercing ring causing its owner to startle and refocus. Untangling her fingers from Sam's she reaches down to collect it, her frustration at being interrupted quickly forgotten when she sees her friend's name on the home screen.  

"Finally!! So you are alive!" Jenny squeals down the phone without restraint.  The smirk on Sam's face is unmissable as he recognises the shrill voice on the other end of the phone. Katie returns his glance with an eye roll of her own as she braces herself for an interrogation.

"Ok, ok I get it, I'm here now. What's up?"

"You need to ask that gorgeous boss of yours to give you Friday night off, we're taking you out and I won't take no for an answer! It's about time we had a girls night, we've barely seen you since you've been living it up with that sex god."

Katie winces hoping Sam hadn't heard that last bit, subtlety was never Jenny's strong suit. She knows she doesn't need to consider her answer, just thinking of how much she's missed her friends the last few months sparks a pang of guilt deep in heart. A night free from the drama of fiancés, stolen glances and torturous longing sounds perfect.

"That actually sounds great Jen, I'll try my best to come. Aren't we pushing it to get a spot at any of the good places though if we're leaving it this late..."

Jenny scoffs, feigning disbelief that Katie would think she didn’t already have a master plan. If she wasn’t her best friend she’d feel a little insulted.

"You don't think I'm already all over that?! And I mean literally, I've got Josh on the case for us and I definitely got all over that!" 

The smugness in her voice carries her words and Katie can't help but giggle as she pictures how her unabashedly forward friend would've convinced her current flavour of the month Joshua Demarco, to use his connections to get them access to the hottest new bar in town. She'd no doubt that while a few flutters of eyelashes and some kind words would have sufficed, it was more likely that Jen would have insisted on giving him something more in return. And that something would most definitely not have been PG. 

As the more outgoing and vocal half of their partnership, Jenny has always had a way of charming everybody she meets, her connection with people is effortless, something which Katie finds both admirable and terrifying. 

While some could argue that Katie too could charm and impress people effortlessly, she is undoubtedly more comfortable in the background, observing and understanding how things work before weighing in. She notices the details, picking up on key points of conversation, getting to know people on a personal level and drawing on their connections to help assert herself. Jen needed to be visible at all times, she was like the sun, drawing people in to her warmth and reflecting her own energy back at them in return. 

"I'll leave it with you then Jen, just text me with the details and I'll see if I can make it. And I don't mean the steamy details of you and Josh, you can save those to share with me over cocktails!" Sam's intensely brooding gaze falls upon her, no doubt trying to glue together the pieces of conversation he'd just overheard. She turns to him realising he probably already suspects there’s a further story to be told. They’d not yet shared much about their lives beyond the penthouse but he’d heard enough to know that she could be easily influenced by her impulsive friend. 

"Jen I'd better go, speak soon."

Returning the phone to the depths of her bag, she catches Sam's eye, his expression warm but curious, clearly waiting for her to elaborate.

"Would you mind if I took the night off on Friday? Jen's asked if I can meet her and some friends, we haven't seen each other for ages...."

Unsure where the feeling comes from, the urge to say more rushes over her like a wave crashing on the shore. It’s the same as the feeling of nervousness she had that night a few weeks ago at the diner, almost like first date nerves. Perhaps, she realises,  they’ve resurfaced because her whole life has been tangled with his for the last few months, she's not really sure how to break out of it and step back into her own, or whether he'll let her. 

"Obviously I'll make sure I get the boys dinner sorted, the place tidy, laundry done and get them to bed before I head out....and I won't stay out late, I wouldn't want to cause any disruption....unless you've got any pressing work or meetings which means you'll be home late... I can cancel, I know it's short notice..."

"Woah, who are you, Cinderella?!"

The mirth in his tone instantly relaxes her as she realises he's only teasing. While attempting, and failing, to look defiant her nose inevitably crinkles, unable to contain the laughter bubbling to the surface at the silliness of her outburst. He leans over gently resting his hand on her knee to placate her, stroking her delicate skin with his thumb.

"Of course you should go out with your friends."

"Really?"

"Definitely." He continues, "as much as I would love to keep you to myself I know that you have a life of your own to live too and you, more than anyone, deserve to go out and enjoy yourself."

Sweeping his hand into her own, she gracefully brings it to her lips, tickling featherlight kisses along his knuckles.

"Thank you....but I don't know that you'd really want me to let my hair down if you knew how our girls nights usually play out..."

A wicked smile casts on her lips as she looks at him from under her long eyelashes, she continues to caress his hand, her lips teasing his skin with every word. He struggles to keep his eyes on the road, his mind racing with the many possible indiscretions which he imagines could take place on girls night, especially with Jenny at the helm. The visions in his mind entrance him and he can't decide whether he wishes he was part of them, or that she wasn't.

"I see, a bit of an every man for himself situation is it?!" 

He pulls her hand over to his lap where he secures it on his thigh under his own. His hope that by keeping his hand on hers he can keep her grounded to him before losing her to the inhibitions of the impending night out.

"Let's just say it'll be a hot mess of short skirts, high heels, cocktails and getting sweaty on the dance floor."

Realising that the car has come to a stop at a red light she turns to Sam looking him straight in the eye as she slides her hand brazenly up his thigh. She can feel his pants straining to contain what's growing within them while his chest visibly rises and falls more rapidly, struggling to control the pulsing hunger running through him. 

"But don't worry, we usually only break a few hearts".

Unable to restrain himself any longer, he launches across the centre console, holding her head in his hands and devouring her mouth with his hungry wet lips. She lets herself fall deeply into his kiss, smiling against him as she thinks to herself that she should ask for time off more often.

The light turns to green and then red again, disgruntled drivers behind sounding their horns in annoyance as the immaculate silver Audi blocks their path, but neither occupant notices as they loose themselves in one another.

Her gentle hands press against Sam's muscular chest, marvelling in the ripples beneath her fingers, before sliding them up into his hair pulling him deeper into the kiss. He keeps one hand firmly at the back of her neck, anchoring her to him while the other roams down the curves of her body, his thumb tweaking a now erect nipple before grasping at her hip.

Intruding on their entanglement, the sound of the in-car phone system echoes around the plush detailing of the car, with 'Home' appearing on the display. Breaking apart in surprise, they finally catch a breath. Sam rests his forehead intimately against hers as he gives the voice command to answer the call and Mason's innocent voice pours out of the speakers.

"Hey dad, are you gonna be home soon? We're staaarving." It's impossible for Katie not to break into a smile as she thinks about the boys at home with Carter, no doubt teaching him all sorts of tricks which she'd never let them get away with. Sam notices her thoughtful smile and matches it with his own as their minds work as one imaging the same scene. Their eyes once again meet as they resign themselves to the intimate moment being lost, instead committing it to memory to recall again when the urge to immerse themselves in thoughts of each other inevitably come to call.

"Yeah buddy, I've just picked up Katie and we're heading home now."

The smile in Mason's voice is evident as his tone becomes more upbeat. 

"Oh great, Katie's with you?...Hey Katie!"

"We missed you today, why'd you have to spend the day with Suck...I mean with Sofia anyways?!" Mickey interrupts, his fear of missing out pushing him to insert himself in the conversation.

Sam and Katie stifle their giggles at Mickey's slip of the tongue, aware of the microphone above their heads. Sam places a soft kiss on Katie's forehead before pulling away begrudgingly as she in turn adjusts her position, smoothing over her now crumpled skirt. 

"Hi boys, I missed you too. I was just helping her with some grown up work stuff, definitely not as fun as a day with you monkeys though.”

Much to the relief of the drivers behind them, Sam's already breezing through the now green light towards the penthouse, this time with more urgency as the sky above begins to melt into dusk.  

"How about your dad and I pick up some pizza on our way back...."

Without even a moments hesitation the twins excited voices burst through the speakers once again.

"Score!"

Tag List:  @shewillreadyou @txemrn @silma-words @thefrenchiemama @secretaryunpaid @sfb123 @fanjessfic

[buddha-in-disguise]

I'm not going to review the season finale in quite the same way as I've usually written something afterwards. I'm ultra tired due to distinct lack of sleep. So it is more truncated than I'd intended. Also unedited so advance apologies if something makes no sense or is misspelled etc.

The episode was facing the challenge of not only being edited after COVID-19 shut down production, but what was intended to be the penultimate episode became the finale. So I'm trying to take that into consideration.

First part in Kara's loft. It was choppy. Don't get me wrong, I had nothing against the humour, or the scenes in general. Although they missed the glaring opportunity to place a "flew here on a bus," moment! It felt pretty disappointing they didn't recognise what has become an iconic line within the SG fandom, and made it even more iconic.

Before the bus though, back at the loft, considering that Lena had literally only just arrived at Kara's, with all that entails, it felt completely out of place for that context. Did it have been overwhelming heavy at that point? Absolutely not. But it was too close to slapstick at times for me and internally I was cringing. I admit, I'm not sure where they could've put it in, but perhaps if they'd just lowered it a fraction, made it a little more subtle a couple of times, it would've helped for me.

Some of the dialogue (especially early on) was also all over the place for me. It did get better as the episode wore on, but I wonder how much was the need to redo parts of the episode because of COVID-19? Unless they think to put an episode as intended in a future season DVD (perhaps S6 DVD), or someone gives us full details via an interview we will probably never know.

Which brought me to one piece of dialogue that I wish they'd not put in at all!

In 5.18, as I've spoken about a lot on Twitter especially, the way Lex screams into Lena's face, and Lena's flinch, and how that had been me 20 odd years ago. They then had the line as Lena talks to Kara; "Go ahead. Scream at me if you have to, I know I deserve it."

I know for many, they'd just see it as a line to use, but .... for many of us who have suffered abuse, who recognised (& in some instances were triggered) by last weeks episode, to not have acknowledged why that line was so problematic is worrying. It heavily suggests they're not going to address Lena's trauma and abuse because they really don't understand it (& again, if anyone believes she didn't suffer trauma and abuse, but accept others in SG do, go away with your bias from my page), but considering they haven't addressed much of Kara's trauma, particularly watching Argo destroyed again, being stuck for months during Crisis like they were, etc - then I guess it isn't a surprise.

But it is uncomfortable as hell to watch a line like that glossed over.

Overall though, I did enjoy the episode. Once that 1st half was over, especially (baring a few moments, including watching Alex do her badass Mission Impossible meet Cirque du Soleil moment because that was awesome) it felt much more like SG of previous seasons. So that was great.

Watching Lena as she watched Alex and Kara hug behind her was so emotional. Watching siblings love unconditionally. Something she thought she had with Lex, only to realise he hadn't changed at all. Lena didn't need to say anything, as once again Katie's acting brought all the emotion Lena was feeling to the fore.

Having Lena and Alex mirror they choice of words in regards Kara was pretty iconic. Then having Alex whisper, "Jinx." really made it work.

Seeing Dreamer in her element, including some great lines again. "I can't believe you left to fight Earth, Wind & Fire without us." "Guess they didn't take the bait? Maybe you should've been meaner?" As they begin the fight with J'onn, M'gann Alex and Dreamer - Alex to Dreamer: "You ready?" Dreamer. "Nope." Alex. "Me neither." Dreamer at her best imo.

Kelly going all, damn my girlfriend is hot & I want sex right now despite the circumstances was pretty cute and funny.

The Kara and Lena monologues being in unison. Now that was pretty amazing and one of the best parts of the whole episode imo.. But again, you feel as if they're matching Lena and Kara together with those scenes as a couple.

Lena not only protecting Kara, but stopped Andrea from going down a dark path as Acrata. Was also great.

Last frame of Lillian. Does it turn out she is the head of Leviathan? Because again they laid out more than once the leader was a woman. It has been noted several times now in different episodes. I was hoping Lena's biological mother, considering she knew of the legend of Acrata, but it is now looking more likely this reincarnation of Lillian is who it is, unless it is a character we've not been introduced to, but I highly doubt that.

The 2nd half of the episode was what we missed so much this season. In fact aspects throughout the episode were missing for too much this season.

This includes the women being the focal point of it. Brainy though absolutely rightly taking a strong subplot to what else was going on. J'onn ably supported by M'gann. M'gann who managed to advise Nia on embracing her dreams and not trying to avoid part of them. Dansen actually working together and both being badass in their own way (after all, this is something I've advocated for much of the season, & while fantastic to see, it never should've taken this long. Now where have we heard that before?)

But we still have glaring unanswered questions that I can't imagine would've been answered in 5.20.

Every indication since 5.17 is Kelly knows Kara is Supergirl. Yet we don't know for certain, because they've failed to show us how or when. I've said before, considering every other person who knows Kara is Supergirl, we had them tripping over themselves to explain to the audience how it happened. I'm pretty annoyed that we as the audience don't get given the same courtesy with Kelly. This is why so many of us feel short changed on some characters this season. The really aggravating thing is would only take a few lines to clear it up!

Now onto Alex. This ties in with J'onn. Where are they getting the money to survive? Did J'onn manage to accumulate enough over all the years he was on Earth to finance everything & pay Alex a wage? No clue.

Also, are Kelly & Alex living together? Or do they have keys to each others apartments? Yes, Kelly was at Alex's in 5.17 so the answer is pretty much yes, but nothing has been said! We knew more about Brainy & Nia's living arrangements from 5a than we do Kelly & Alex.

Kara's trauma. Lena's abuse & trauma. See above.

Lastly, the one most I know want (except a few vocally against), leaning towards Supercorp becoming canon. Again for another season, we end up with the, 'Maybe they'll do it next season.' being said. Particularly as in 5a they really went all out on Supercorp parallels to Clois and at times Dansen, plus even a little on Brainia. But unless something pretty fundamental changes behind the scenes, they're going to recognise what their biggest draw is, keep baiting but never fully go into it. And that is what I fear the most. When you've got media, even non-Supergirl fans saying it, but the show refusing to acknowledge it - that could be their legacy, and it will not look good or have a lot of fans look back kindly on them for it.

The 4 seasons it took for Lena to find out Kara was Supergirl was, in the end, terribly executed. This waxing and waning as well of; is Lena good or bad? Will she follow in the Luthor footsteps?

She is flawed. She's made some pretty awful mistakes. But now they're said she is good. She isn't evil or a villain. So now that line they've drawn needs to stay there! No more ambiguity on her character being a villain.

But you know what's not good? Feeling you can't trust the show to draw a line under that aspect of the character. That doesn't mean you have to have any one of them not be flawed, or to even cross some lines (they've all done it at some point, some moreso than others, but not one character is innocent).

When the show is now generating that level of mistrust on how they could handle future events, that is a problem.

Season 5 overall (particularly 5b) was absolutely horrendously bad. It had some moments of sheer brilliance (either individual scenes, or some episodes), but the rest was just flat out awful. Irrelevant. Messy. No cohesion. 5b became too much of the Lex Luthor show. Certain character additions were vastly unpopular and definitely caused down turns in viewer numbers (& again, from far more than a section of fandom). As did keeping Lena away from everyone for so long.

To sum up. Season 5 was a disaster.

Season 6 needs to have considerably different direction to even try & pull back some viewers (if they can at all). Distrust is rife.

The worst is no-one in the cast deserved this, especially as they're so talented. Some of the performances, even with how poor much of the season was, have been magnificent. But as the saying goes, you can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear.

I've never been so relieved a season is finally over. We'll watch our favourite episodes for sure, of which there aren't many, but a full rewatch of the season we normally do will not be happening. Some episodes were better off consigned to the trash.

[ma-gic-gay]

"Did you kill my brother?"

"What are you talking about, Jason?" Sonny asks his business partner who's clearly found out the truth.

"AJ. Did you kill him?"

"It's complicated-"

"No it's not. Either you pulled the trigger and let out the shot that killed my brother or you didn't, Sonny. I need to know what you did."

"Ava, she-"

"I didn't ask what Ava did, Sonny, I asked what you did. So just tell me already, did you shoot him with the bullet that killed him?"

"Yes. I did, I shot him because Ava made me think that he was the one who killed Connie. She told me that he'd killed her and I was mad. God, I was so mad that I killed him. Ava, she encouraged it, and I shot him because I thought I was avenging Connie's death."

"I can't believe you," Jason snarls at his mentor. "You thought I was dead! I died trying to protect you, and this is the thanks I get? You push my brother to drink again after my grieving mother calls him home because she needs one of her kids alive. He bonded with Michael! He was a part of my family again and you shot him. You killed AJ and didn't tell me for years. I found out about it because of Cyrus!"

"What the hell is Cyrus doing contacting you with that information?" Sonny asks, confused and upset. "And how the hell did he find out?"

"He sent me a tape with the audio of AJ's death, Sonny. I hate that man more than you could believe, trust me. But you hid this from me for years! I've been back so long and you hide from me that you're AJ's killer," Jason shouts, hands running through his hair.

"So did Carly!" Sonny weakly defends himself and he sees that the fire blazing in Jason's eyes softens slightly.

"This isn't about what Carly did! She didn't pull the trigger! She might not have told me that, but at least she didn't kill him. At least there's that. But you? I can't forgive you. You destroyed my mother. Monica, she needed to know one of her kids was okay and then the one that is, you just have to kill him too? Seems to be a pattern of yours, doesn't it?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You kill AJ and the reason everyone thought I was dead was because of you too, because I was trying to protect you. Kristina's been in a car bombing, Michael got shot, Avery was conceived on my brother's grave, Joss lives her life with bodyguards constantly around her, Dev died, Dante got shot- by you!- should I go on? That's just your kids and AJ, not even half of the stuff you've done. Should I go on?" Jason asks, shouting at him now.

"I know you're upset that Sam left you, Jason, but there are better ways to cope with it then by screaming at me," the shorter of the pair attempts to rationalize.

"Upset? Sonny, Sam left and she took my kids with her. Trust me, that doesn't cover the half of what I'm feeling right now. But I'm fine without Sam here, you know what I'm not fine with? You, who is supposed to be my friend, killing my brother and hiding that from me for so long." Jason fires back.

"Don't take this out on me, Jason," Sonny says, trying to impact this conversation somehow.

"What would you do if I'd done something like this to you, Sonny? I covered your ass so many times, I did everything you didn't want to do or couldn't do. Hell, you're only not still calling Carly a worthless slut because of me so don't you for a second act like my anger isn't justified. I raised your kids when you couldn't. When you were having a major life evaluation, I went to prison to protect your kid. While you were upset and angry, I was comforting your wife! I stood by you through everything, Sonny. Everything! I've got a right to anger, a right to being mad at you, and a right to downright hate you right now!" Jason shouts loudly.

"And I'm grateful for that!" Sonny shouts back. "But you're not listening and you're blaming everything on me when I'm not the only one to blame."

"You're the only one who pulled the trigger. Whatever Carly did, she would never do that to me or Michael," Jason reminds him.

"She helped me cover it up for months," Sonny tells him.

"To save your sorry ass so Michael wouldn't have to deal with more bad things! Her not telling the cops that you killed him, and lying to Michael about it, that was for him. Don't think for a minute it's because you're some amazing person because you're a killer of innocent men!"

"Don't you dare defend her and trash me in the same sentence! I did it to protect you, Jason!"

"Does she think I know?" Jason asks.

"Yes," Sonny admits. "I didn't want you to come back and get bombarded with bad news."

"I quit. I don't need your protection, I never have and I never will. You, on the other hand, might need some from me."

At that, Jason storms out of the office and drives over to the Corinthos home, where Carly is. He's got to find out why she did what she did.

He lets himself in and she smiles when she sees him at first, but quickly registers that he's emotionally conflicted. "What happened, Jason? Are you okay?" The blonde asks, rushing over to check him out. "You don't feel hot, so you're not sick. What's wrong?"

"Did you help hide it from me that Sonny killed AJ?" He asks her quickly when they're seated on the couch.

Confused, she says, "No. He said you knew, that he'd told you."

Jason sighs, his head in his hands. "I didn't. In fact, I just found out that he did that a few minutes ago when Cyrus sent me the recording of his death."

Frowning, Carly envelopes him in a hug. "Jason, I'm so sorry. If I had known, I would've made him tell you or told you myself. God, I'm so stupid! I should've known never to trust Sonny when it comes to this stuff."

"You thought I knew and I wouldn't have a reaction? For years, Carly, all I had for a family was you and Michael and Sonny. He killed my brother. You thought I'd just be fine with it?" Jason asks his best friend, hurt. "For someone who prides herself on knowing me, you really don't if that's what you think."

"He told me you were mad, told me you were processing! I didn't bring it up because I didn't want to watch you as your heart broke," Carly tells him, tears flooding her eyes but her far too stubborn to let them fall. "When we thought you were dead, I almost died, Jason. I was going to pull a Carly, I swear to God, and lose it at an inconvenient time. I know I should've been the one to tell you, I know, but I couldn't stand to watch you while you found out such terrible news. Sonny had me thinking you knew already so I thought there was no point to me telling you anyways."

"Believing what he says about me always seems to mess with you, doesn't it?" Jason asks, a small frown on his lips still.

"Yeah, it does," Carly agrees and the two sit there for a few moments in silence, reminiscing about the past. Before their lives were so complicated, when all that mattered was staying out of jail, each other, and Michael. "It always ends up fucking me over."

"That it does," he agrees, smiling softly.

"What are you smiling about? You just got terrible, earth shattering news, Sam and the kids left, and I ended up lying to you for two years. Why are you smiling?" Carly asks.

"Thinking about the what if's of life," he responds. "What it'd be like if not for that night."

"I made several offers for us to leave the country with Michael," Carly reminds him, chuckling. "Mainly after you came home, but still. You and I, we were in such a real life love and we had everything right. Except timing. When you were ready to confront your feelings for me, after an excruciatingly long period of time, I had slept with Sonny. When I had continually told you mine, you weren't ready to deal with it yet. Timing's a bitch."

"If we left the country, you wouldn't have Morgan, or Joss, or Donna," Jason reminds her.

"And you never would've met Sam, or had Danny, or Scout," she counters. "You think we would've worked out, had we done that, had I not slept with Sonny?"

"If I'd let us, probably," Jason admits after pondering it for a moment. "It would've been hard, but I think we would've. Provided, of course, neither of us backed out."

"You were the one who couldn't deal with it," Carly teases him.

"Yeah," Jason agrees, "I couldn't. Maybe what I felt was too strong or something, I don't know."

"Hey Jason?" She asks him a few minutes later, them both in their own worlds, thinking about what if's and their past.

"What?" He asks her, smiling slightly. His eyes give him away, blue and full of so much emotion in so many different forms.

She doesn't respond with words, just kisses him. Their lips intertwine and all feels right with the world for a moment as they're kissing.

But all good things must come to an end and they pull away. "That was-"

"Unexpected," Jason finishes, smiling at her. "Good unexpected."

"Glad we can agree. What's this mean for us?" She asks.

Instead of answering, he initiates a second kiss, a slightly more passionate one but roughly the same.

"Correction," Carly asks when they pull away, "what's that mean?"

"I don't know," he admits. "I don't know everything. I know that felt right, but you're married and I'm single."

"How do we keep ending up in this situation?" Carly asks, laughing. "First with AJ, then Sonny- our first marriage, when I was in love with you for half of it. And now, again."

"You get married too often," he smirks at her. "That's how."

"Well, maybe the third time of this is a charm," Carly smiles back. "It's an expression for a reason, after all."

Jason considers it for a minute. "God help me I'm going along with a Carly plan," he smiles.

"God help us both," Carly smiles before kissing him again.

I just watched you go through all the stages of grief. You ok???

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

The Truths Found On Petram Viridios IV (3/?)

A/n: this is a long chapter. Hope you guys like it. In this chapter I referenced @hoodoo12 fic Inked

Read Part 1, Part 2

________

Chapter 3: Do You?

"Are you having a good time?" he wondered as you were picking at your meal, and drawing faces in it.

"It's been pleasant enough." you admitted; shifting in your seat to sit up properly. "You've certainly made it easy on me."

You appreciated how the time passed so easily with the chemist's want and eagerness for conversation. He was well-spoken, and nothing lacked but whether it was you or your wandering mind, you had the feeling of wanting to go home; to relax on Rick's couch and watch a silly movie, but the night would go on. Intrigued by your earlier statement, V'gha studied you for a moment, not so unlike the way Zeta-7 would. Flexing his thick fingers, and smirking as though he had found the secrets of the universe and not intending on sharing it, he rested his chin on his now clasped hands."Would you care to elaborate?"

"Sure. I believe it's because, despite our differences, you're not so bad. I was worried that you were going to be overly serious, but it's been fun chatting with you."

"Well," he started, "I hope you won't be offended by me saying this, but I thought you were going to be more Neanderthal."

"You know," you giggled. "I get that a lot."

It never occurred to you to expect anything to really happen right now, but through half-lidded eyes, there were flecks of melancholy along with another emotion you couldn't quite detect. It passed quickly as light amusement colored his voice. "Is self-deprecating humor common among your kind? It doesn't matter. You nonetheless contain an intellect that I can only describe as affable. Are all humans this way?"

"I don't know, I can't speak for my kind, but I can speak for myself. I think in my case," You considered with seriousness, trying to refrain from sharing too many details. "it's what happens when you live as I do; close to a mad genius who enjoys his work as much as his garden. No really," you paused, playing around with your cloth napkin. "it's nothing special. I wish I could give you a highly detailed explanation, but I don't consider myself much of an intellectual. I do learn something new everyday. I think that counts for something."

Nodding in agreement, he made an attempt to consume his meal of fried klema paste, but could only manage a small bite as he too gave up on trying to believe it was halfway edible. "If I would've been in my lab, I could've shown you a recipe for a formula that attracts insectoids large enough to feed a family for a month. Even the bitter, old, beetletoids would taste better than what we've been served tonight."

You had a feeling that the meals were chosen by a machine that couldn't determine what would be better; pleasing the taste buds or feeding the vitamin deficiencies; it seemed to be the latter.

"I'm sad to tell you that I don't eat insects or insectoids. Though," you smiled. "I appreciate the sentiment. Where I'm from, you either love them or despise them. There isn't much of an in-between. For my part, I admire them. Like, there's these cute little guy's called roly-polys. They kind of look like little pills and they hang out in dead leaves and stuff. Oh, and don't even get me started on iridescent insects. They're just so beautiful, like living jewels. Too bad I don't have an eloquent explanation to give you."

"Do you mean to say that insectoids or insects as you refer to them, are minuscule creatures where you're from? How fascinating. And stranger still," he gestured at your outfit. "I was just thinking that you appear somewhat iridescent yourself."

He must've been referring to the sequins on your dress which were mildly reflective and multichromatic. "That was the point," you joked readily. "to look as though I could fly away at any moment. At least that's the story I'm sticking with, but don't tell anyone I left my private jet at home."

"Well, it does suit you. Has anyone told you that?"

If he meant either your dress, attitude, or both, then Rick had but you weren't going to tell him that. "No, but thank you."

"Really," he insisted. "I mean it. I…..I can't help but feel as though I know you." Leaning slightly forward, though not so much that it would violate the law, and squinting, he wondered. "Are you sure we haven't met before?"

The multiverse thing was another classified subject on the infinite list of what you weren't allowed to talk about. For all you knew, he might've met another version of yourself or met you in passing in your travels with Rick. "No, we haven't. Maybe I remind you of someone."

Realization struck him, and he dug around in his pockets and pulled out a blank white card. Laying it out on the table, he pressed the corner of it, and it produced a hologram; it was a Salamandrian with vibrant coloring and stripes that made you wonder if they glowed in the dark. "That's why I've been perplexed. You remind me of her; an old colleague of mine."

"She's beautiful."

"Yes, I thought so too. We used to work in the same lab together and were close to a breakthrough which could've assisted with premature aging which my species are prone to, but it wasn't meant to be. We ran out of funding and while working on another project, she collapsed. Before I knew it, she succumbed to rapid aging. Cha'thxa was amiable like yourself and loved to joke around. I believe that's why we were good friends."

"It's always the good ones. I'm sorry."

Replacing the card back into his pocket, he sobered. "It's alright. That was half a lifetime ago, but it's odd how events can trigger these recollections. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For these interactions of ours. It made me feel youthful."

What? Now that couldn't be right. If it hadn't been such an odd thing for him to say, you wouldn't have given a second thought to how he had spoken and carried himself. Really, you thought he was younger than yourself. "How old are you exactly? You don't look mature."

Taking a long sip of his beverage, he admitted with amusement. "Let's just say that the equivalent in human years is roughly 64.322 years old."

"What? No way. I wouldn't have ever guessed, but it shows what I know."

Though you weren't an expert on reptiles either, so how could you have known?

"Would it have really mattered? The only difference it would have made was perhaps in the way you would've treated me. I don't enjoy being treated as though I'm feeble-minded and will collapse at any moment."

"I promise, I wouldn't have."

"If only it were that simple. I've done the same, except I did the opposite and discriminated against someone far younger than I was and believed them foolish, but now that I've seen more of the world, and have familiarized myself with the universe through my travels and mostly through my studies, I realize how wrong I was. These days, I intend to live out the rest of my life to the fullest and to not be ashamed of it. And keeping in mind with that," he paused, ruminating on what he was about to ask. He continued. "I hope this isn't presumptuous of me to ask, but I'd love to invite you to my home planet." And with that winning, sharp-toothed smile, he explained. "Warm bodies are now allowed to visit and I would love to show you my dwelling. I believe you'd enjoy the view of the river. You seem to be the type that would never tire of good company."

It was a shame that he was such a fascinating creature, for you two might've been able to be good friends in a different life. "I do enjoy good company and most likely I would love the river, but under my current circumstances, I'm sorry to say it probably wouldn't be a good idea."

Calmly, he wondered. "Is it because of that human we saw a few hours ago is your mate?"

"Yes," you answered without hesitation. "I would consider him so."

"Forgive me then, for I didn't know, but I should have come to that conclusion." he remarked sheepishly. "You reek of him and your hormones changed every time I asked you about him."

"Look," you sighed, feeling a little embarrassed at the series of events which led up to this. "it's alright. I think it's the guidelines of this event that prevent us from being in each other's presence, but even if it's a crime, I wish he was here. I'm sorry if I acted out of place otherwise."

Giving you a wink, V'gha rose and gently took your hand; not only was it against the law, but against his character. You were going to pull away, but he said in Rick's voice. "Terminate simulation."

______

You removed the headset you had forgotten you were wearing. "Oh no, did I mess up again? Would I have died of food poisoning? Dysentery? I swear this is harder than the Oregon Trail."

"N-no, you did alright." he said at first, thoughtfully tapping at charts across his multiple screens set up. "Every time you were presented with a-a challenge, you followed the protocols and procedures just as you were instructed, but it's when you depart the ship which has my calculations going all over th-the place. Gosh, I now realize that it - it doesn't matter which of the guests are assigned as your companion. There is a 33.682% chance that they'd take a romantic interest in you, while there's only a 7% chance of you taking interest in them."

"Ricky, what in the world are you talking about?" You were sure that all of it was simply meant to be a learning experience and that none of it was real. However, considering it was meant to be a realistic simulation, the possibility of romance was there, despite how minimal the chances were. "I thought the reason we were going through the simulation was so that I wouldn't jeopardize the mission. Am I to understand that you don't want me to go because you discovered there's a small chance that a guest or two might fall for me?"

He scratched the back of his neck, wary to meet your questioning gaze. "Gee, I wouldn't have phrased it th-that way. I just....I-I don't like it."

"Oh my goodness," you couldn't help but exclaim. "Rick, are you jealous?"

It was always surprising when he was for it happened so rarely, and when it did you were more flattered then concerned. You continued. "I thought these scenarios always end the same way. You know I only want to be with you, even at the risk of my life. Why these aliens would take an interest in me, I'll never know, but it's cool that the people I'm assigned to are fascinating characters. Doesn't it prove that I'm ready for this mission? I kept the sharing of valuable information to a minimum, and I got along with mostly everyone."

"Gee, I don't know. Y-you're almost ready. However," he pointed at his computer screen. "there are anomalies in some of the earlier models which are concerning. In scenario 3, 7, and 15, the chances of my extermination were 18.475% because I-I allowed myself to get distracted from the mission. In scenarios 17, 19, and 25, there's such a minuscule change that we can forget them altogether. Yet, in the last five scenarios, especially this last simulation, it jumped to 42% and I ended it before things w-would've gone sour. Golly, studying the patterns between them all taught me that you're attractive t-t-to multiple species."

"What can I say, must be my animal magnetism." you teased as you wiggled your eyes brows.

Thoroughly worried, he sighed. "It appears so."

"Come on Ricky," you softened. "I'm only kidding. Listen, why don't you disguise yourself as V'gha, while one of your robot clones handles the mission? Out of all of them, V'gha was one of the nicest. We can knock him out temporarily."

"That could work, but that's highly risky."

"How so?"

"Because staying alive means I-I can't do this."

Wrapping an arm about your waist, the beginnings of a smile were taking place. "For this, I'd get my arms chopped off. It's due t-to the fact that centuries ago a war broke out from a single incident that occurred b-between two rivals who fought for the love of a Milleannos grounds protector whose sole purpose was to guard and tend to the bud that would never bloom in their lifetime. So, this kind of behavior between us is a big no-no. At least as non-royals of Petram Viridios IV." And pressing a kiss to your temple, he chuckled. "I don't know what'd happen to me if I did that, but I-I wouldn't want to find out."

"Do the inhabitants of that planet learn their traditions through tall tales?"

"I-I don't know, but it doesn't seem that far-fetched. It's um - it's possible that over time, they've needed t-to learn sets of skills in order to survive in the once harsh terrain, but seeing how they were able to preserve their culture for hundreds of thousands of years, they must be doing something right. Still, knowing all this, I-I doubt I could keep my cool and stay away from you. Apparently, the simulations tell me the same thing."

"In that case," you softened. "I might have to remove myself from this mission. After all, I don't want you to think I'm trying to woo a few strangers."

"Boy, I-I didn't mean it t-t-to sound that way."

"Of course not, but you told me the truth. And you're entitled to it in some respects. Though, while you spoke of data and calculations, you didn't ask me how I felt. Why not dear? I'm not ashamed to tell you."

Yet, he seemed ashamed to ask. "Did - did you feel anything?"

Smoothing out the lines about his mouth and eyes with your fingers, you confessed. "I felt flattered by their attention, and their company wasn't that bad. I felt……well, like a person in society, who meets and meets dozens of people, and only really takes interest when the conversation is somewhat comfortable and familiar, but I wanted you there to enjoy it too. " Pointing towards the monitors, you continued." If you take a closer look at the data on my brain waves, changes of hormones, and heart rate, then you'll see where my mind and heart truly was. In nearly all of them, I saw parts of you. Not so much physically, but there were personality traits that were so much like your own, I almost didn't feel so lonely. Yet, I never stopped searching for you in them, and in the world around me, in silence, in smiles over knowings, and in reminiscences, hoping you would come and could be in my reach."

Resting his hand atop yours, he sighed. "Th-that explains a few things."

"Does it? I know you were watching as it played out. And don't think I didn't know what you did this time around. I know it was you on that stage, veiled, and far away. Was that also part of the simulation? It…it felt so real. Somehow our souls were closer then they'd ever been."

"I added the possibility of being asked t-to play the Tremen orb bush. When played, it does induce a trance-like state, but during that part of the simulation, I-I tried to keep you calm because y-you were in the beginning stages of a panic attack."

It must've been because of the claustrophobic feeling of being in a chamber. So you hadn't been alone. "Dear, did you hold me and keep me safe?"

"In a manner of speaking. Y-you weren't in any immediate danger, but I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. So I - I moved my chair over, held your soft hands," he confessed shyly. "and talked to you for a little while. It must've helped for soon enough your vital signs were back to normal."

Yes, he was that sort of man; the kind who'd want to take care of you, and make sure you're alright; who'd give up a day in his garden to spend a dozen ensuring that within dreams you'd live to see another. What did you ever do to deserve him?

"I see. You know Rick, despite not bringing it up, I'm sorry that I had to pretend not to know you."

"That's okay."

He understood, way too easily did he understand. Digital planes with hundreds of foreign figures, blades of grass duplicated to fill in spaces, dreamland feelings which were wisps of real ones, he withstood them all. Slipping in and out of realities were preparations for the real tests which had and would continue to come your way. You admired his fortitude because till now he's dealt with the hardships incurred purposely and accidentally.

"Even if it was potentially part of the mission, and you knew I had to do it, it didn't feel good. How….how could I hide the fact that I have such a wonderful friend? You've been one of the dearest, closest friends that I've ever had."

Leaning down, he touched your forehead with his; releasing a breath you didn't know he had been holding. "El mayor - el mayor obstáculo para el amor es… es el temor s-secreto de no ser dignos de ser amados."

"But you are worthy." you reassured him.

"So I am." he accepted.

"Dear, in trying to protect what we have, lying was necessary. Yet, I don't want to pretend that we aren't anything. I love you too much to do that. I don't have any sign or mark of belonging to anyone, and that could've been one of the reasons there were misunderstandings. With V'gha and the others, I was only being friendly."

"I-I know."

"Even if you know, I'm still going to remind you." Resting a hand on his chest, his nervous heart seemed to dance. "Underneath my hand, lies the kind heart of an emotional, passionate genius, and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world."

Holding you a fraction tighter, his breath ghosted your cheek. "Really?"

"Mhm."

"Can I-I tell you something?"

"Yeah?"

"Everyday with you is better than the last. If we lived on Venus," he chuckled. "our days would've been 5,832 hours long. That's th-the equivalent of 243 Earth days."

"That's a long time. Hmm," you sighed, relishing in the nearness of him; breathing in the scent which wafted off his sweater and labcoat. You thought to yourself, this is how it should always be. "I wish I could've been born sooner so you wouldn't have had to be lonely. If I could've done that much, I would've been able to repay you. Still, despite my disbelief about our relationship at times, it's one of the reasons I carry the necklace. You know, the one you had given me on that memorable day that you were…" you paused as you felt him sag into himself, pulling away from you slightly as though he were ashamed. You continued on. "on that day when those Guard Ricks came because you were needed on the citadel. I regret that I put you through so much stress that day, but I'm glad you don't resent me for it." Pulling out the necklace, you couldn't help but tear up a little. "I look at this beautiful gift every time I need to be reminded that you always believed in me, adored me, and was part of your world."

"Y-you're not part of it, you are my world."

"And you are mine. There's no way I'll ever forget you."

Though, there was a chance you could or that he could have your memories erased; there were things you weren't supposed to know, but did. There had been stranger cases before, and just in case, you had made copies of your memories. "Why, if you ever have to use that memory eraser thing on me or on yourself, I promise I'll remember for the both of us. So please," you urged, giving him a half-impatient, half-loving shake. "don't think that what we have is so easily broken, because I love you and believe in what we are together."

Neither of you spoke for a while after that, but he gave your hands a good squeeze when he came to a resolution. "What if….what if I gave you a sign?"

"I'd think of an Ace Of Base song," you lightly teased. "and then I'd wonder what you could mean."

Rubbing your back, he said above a whisper. "I mean t-t-t-to say, do you…..¿Quieres casarte?"

"What? Did you just…can you repeat that?"

"D-do you want to get married?"

Pulling away from him, you wondered. "Wait, is this real?"

He nodded. "Y-yes."

"And I'm not in a lotus-eater machine right?"

Smoothing out your hair, he confessed. "N-no, I hope not."

After spending days going through multiple simulations, it was easy to assume that everything wasn't real, and was still part of another simulation within a simulation. You pinched yourself and saw that everything was in place. It's not that you weren't happy, it was just that this was a surprise you hadn't been expecting. For his part, he studied you and found that he liked what he saw and pulled out a little box. "I had wanted the moment t-to be perfect, but I don't think that's possible. I can't…..I don't want to be without you anymore."

"I think I need to sit down for this."

Leading you over to the computer chair, you took a seat while he stood before you; antsy and ready to confess. "Mi corazón, I have wanted to do this for so long, but I - I was too afraid t-t-to ask. I think now, I finally can."

Removing his labcoat, and setting it down, he pushed up the sleeve of his sweater; displaying the tattoo he had gotten a few years ago; a single sunflower with such detail it almost looks three dimensional. If it weren’t for the curve of his arm, it would appear that he took the bloom, shrunk it down, and simply laid it on his inner forearm. "When I got this, I wanted something as beautiful as you with me, always, and - and sunflowers are your favorite. You told me they were the epitome of happiness."

You nodded. "My best memories are associated with them."

"I suppose that still holds true, so I'm going to put my faith in that. To explain, I would like to tell you a few things concerning happiness. Everyday I-I go to work, I look forward to the moment I get to see you when I return. Though, when I come home, and the house is quiet, it's easy to remember that I live alone. However, when I see that the pillows have been rearranged in a way I um - in a way I hadn't left them, or find a mug in the sink, or piles of books that hadn't been read yet, I know I'm not alone; that y-you've been here. Gosh," he sniffled, doing his best not to cry. "when I see your sleeping figure on the couch or in the hammock outside, I think to myself that I want this t-t-to be my life. T-to be our life. You're what's missing in th-the equation to my happiness. When I met you, it's like the sun finally came out and I could finally bloom. We might carry bits of - of happiness, but I-I feel incomplete without you by my side. And I think y-you feel the same."

Taking hold of your left hand, he kissed it and his voice was colored with happiness again. In earnest, he wondered. "So, my beautiful little sunflower, as far as getting married is concerned, do you - do you want to?"

Tbc