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I am BEGGING yall to remember that "gay panic" means "i killed this person because theyre gay so you cant jail me for it" and NOT "UwU too gay to function"
Stress: Can I have my ball back please?
Jevin: We could kill you.
Iskall: No you couldn't. That's funny, but you couldn't.
Xisuma, putting up his shield: I've got a shield, Jev, look.
Xisuma, putting it back down: Can't kill a man with a shield.
[Jevin hits him.]
Xisuma, panicked: OOoOOAAaoOoaaH!!!
[Xisuma flees and takes flight. Everyone else laughs.]
[Xisuma plays a horn that has a clip of him howling like a wolf as he departs.]
lol arthur realizes with the other knights after watching merlin flirt and being hit with a wave of deja vu: holy shit you asked me out
merlin and the rest of the knights around a campfire after leaving a village bc lancelot and leon somehow started a brawl in the tavern: ???
arthur points at merlin: after valiant! you asked me to buy you a drink! you were asking me out!
merlin is busy cooking dinner and confused out of his fucking mind: what???…..valiant….oh the knight with the snakes.
gwaine who was slightly tipsy now stone cold sober and sitting up straight against a tree: wait. explain. what do you mean merlin asked you out??
arthur snaps his fingers as he recalls the memory: i apologized for sacking you and you said that if i bought you a drink we’d be even.
merlin now remembering how he had stumbled into camelot, picked a fight with a pigheaded bully which quickly turned homoerotic and flirtatious, and continued their teasing-flirting for days before merlin shot his shot and asked the prince out only to be rejected: oh yeah, i forgot i did that…..wait, you mean you didnt realize what i was asking?
arthur: no?? we argued everyday, how was i supposed to realize you were asking me out??
merlin now abandoning the dinner and staring across the camp at arthur while the rest of the knights watch their back and forth like a game of tennis: to you we were arguing, to me that was very much flirting. i thought you were flirting back so i decided to ask you. then you rejected me
arthur, mentally beating his past self up for fucking up their chance: i didn’t reject you!!! i just didn’t realize what you were asking me. how was i meant to? we fought every chance we got
leon, nudging elyan, glee and excitement riling through him: its happening!!! its finally happening!!! seven long, grueling years is finally paying off!!!
merlin, realizing the misunderstanding and acknowledging the fact that he wasn’t rejected, his flirtations just weren’t noticed - realizing he still has a chance: oh…oh i see. arthur, my dear, our fights were extremely flirtatious. need i remind you of what you said? “do you know how to walk on your knees? would you like me to teach you?” or “i could take you apart with one blow”
arthur, mental capabilities at an all time low: m…my dear….?????????
merlin grinning devilishly as he realizes that his flirtatious persona he had hidden away after falling head over heels for arthur can make a come back: that is what i called you. should i call you something else? say…mine?
percival gags in elyan’s ear: cheesy
elyan hides a laugh: at least they’re finally getting somewhere. better than the hopeless pining
arthur, flushed from head to toe: ah uh no um im uh
merlin thoroughly enjoying himself: oh come now, your majesty. use your words.
Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
kacchan is standing before him, openly weeping, childishly professing he wanted a forever with him and Izuku is like ?? kacchan haha do you have brain damage ?? horikoshi when I fucking catch you
Radioapple where Lucifer realizes he likes Alastor and freaks out because HOW do you FLIRT with someone?!?! Oh, father, he's ruining this before he even has a CHANCE to be rejected. He's basically rejecting himself at this point! (Charlie is the only thing keeping him from taking a century sabbatical and hoping Alastor forgets he exists by then.)
Angel: "Didn't you like, seduce the first 2 women on earth?"
Lucifer: "My only competition was ADAM. I just had to stand there and NOT say, "Nice tits babe!" It wasn't hard!"
Ironically, Lucifer’s version of not-flirting is working on Alastor, because how can he not be charmed by the most powerful being in Hell turning bright gold when he sees him, walking into a wall as he tries to escape, and then panic giving him whatever random rubber duck he happens to have in his hands before portaling away immediately.
(Although he needs to figure something out with the rubber ducks. It's getting ridiculous at this point. He already has an entire bookshelf dedicated to them, and he's running out of space. He needs to talk to Lucifer about perhaps making a business to sell them or something. Or he WOULD, if he could get Lucifer to say more than 5 words to him before running away.)
Alastor eventually gets Lucifer to talk to him by confusing him so much that you can almost see his brain buffering to catch up.
(Alastor makes his OWN rubber duck, and the next time Lucifer shoves one at him, he puts the one he's currently carrying in Lucifer's hands before he can leave. Alastor can not believe this worked.)
i need ghoap frantically making out against a door finally taking the leap on their feelings. need ghost grinding against soap, expecting to find him just as hard as him, only to feel nothing
and in all his wisdom and experience, he concludes soap was tortured and never told him
he’s trying to think of a delicate way to say he understands, that he’s been through it and it doesn’t change anything about how he feels (and who the fuck touched him so he can hunt them down and rend them limb from limb)
meanwhile trans!soap’s just trying to find the best angle to grind his cunt on ghost’s thigh
just it never even entering ghost’s head bc he’s never known a trans person but he has met plenty of people who’ve been tortured - himself included - so of course that’s his logical leap
soap takes off his shirt and he sees his top surgery scars and ghost asks if he wants him to kill the one who did it and soap just hums like, “actually, man did pretty good, they healed real well,” and ghost’s just teary-eyes with awe at how well he’s coping, “looking on the bright side, that’s my johnny.”
imagine he thinks johnny was fully castrated but sees he’s determined to still have a sex life with him so he buys packers and straps to help him bc hell yeah healing and soap’s just like, “holy shit i’ve never had such a thoughtful partner before, such a sweet man, lt.”