#i was not taught. anything. had to learn this myself and online

[ultravioletlesbian]

i am very aware of people thinking shaving is the same as washing and so they dont wash their legs.

[wishset]

i don't smoke, until i miss you boothill x reader

summary: Boothill was never a greedy man, he didn't ask for much yet he received the whole world. Just you and your child, he really didn't need much else, yet the cosmos seemed to have made a mistake and tried to rectify it by taking everything away.

explored themes. possibly ooc or lore inaccurate. 1k+ words, fluff to angst. written in 2nd pov. play i don't smoke while reading this, trust. can potentially be interpreted as platonic, if you squint rlly hard.

from author: i haven't played hsr in a while, yet researching boothill's lore just struck the rdr2 writer in me. per usual, i can't let myself be happy with anything but angst so grab a tissue. i haven't posted a work like this online before so i'm highkey nervous, but i'd love to hear what you think! there is some bonus info at the end, but i hope you enjoy this! (she said knowing this is what she ends up writing:)

Boothill was never one to smoke a cigarette, the most he would get close to one was standing next to you under a tree after a long day. You'd still offer him one, even though he always said no, as an act of acknowledgment. He couldn't do that now, though, the smoke would damage his robotic body even if he weren't the one inhaling it.

He'd be perched down on a large root of the tree you leaned back on, staring at your boots in his peripheral as you watched the sunset. The river running in the distance, your horses chewing on the grass below y'all when they weren't nipping at each other, the livestock settled down in the barns, and dinner sat on the warm fire for when the two of you returned.

"What's next?" He asks, his eyes following the line of your boot up to your face.

You always shrug, as if you never thought so far ahead. He did, fairly often in all truthfulness, and you only knew that because of how often he asked.

"'Suppose not much next, is there? Keep doin' this, 'till we're old and gray, then someone else takes over. Life goes on," you answer, flicking the ash out the tip of your cigarette.

He watches the ash burn itself in the grass as he thinks about your answer. It was food enough, neither of you learned much besides farm life. No such thing as anything more for the uneducated, which Boothill wouldn't have any other way.

He didn't mind waking and talking to Nick about the farm as he waited for you to come down for breakfast. He didn't mind wounding up the cattle every day while you watch or watching the horses while they round about the fields with you. The crops wouldn't harvest itself and there's no one else he'd rather harvest it with than you.

Life was good and Boothill was fine with it.

Would he have been so fine with it if you hadn't been hired by Nick and Graey when he turned a teen? He was glad he wouldn't have to find out. They hired a farmhand and he got a best friend, even if he was jealous they hired you in the first place.

He thought it meant he wasn't enough for them, not helpful enough, but that couldn't have been farther from the truth and you taught that to him.

And, while Boothill never liked to say he was right all along, there was more for the two of you than the repetitive cycles you'd fallen into. Matter of fact, he couldn't believe he was so content with just that now that you both had a daughter.

Maybe if you hadn't left your cigarette pack up in your room, the both of you wouldn't have returned when you did. Maybe if he wasn't waiting on the porch downstairs for you to return so you could join him at your usual place, he wouldn't have heard crying a little ways off from the house.

"What am I supposed ta' do with her?" He looks up at you when you find him. The cigarette pack falls into your pocket as if the box itself might contaminate the bundle of purity crying in Boothill's arms.

"Dunno. She like ta' join us?" You propose, motioning towards the tree up on a hill that waited patiently for you two. (Now, three.)

Boothill stood, joining you at full height. "Looks like she might."

The red-faced babe looked between the two of you, tears staining her little cheeks. How long has it been since you seen a baby? Quite a while, yet your first instinct still is to smile.

"Looks like it indeed."

From that day forward, you and Boothill were parents. Not even Nick or Graey questioned it when you both returned with a child. Finding one seemed to be common 'round those parts.

And boy, did parenthood change just about everything? She already had her first pony picked out before she could even walk, little boots and a hat, a sass about her, too.

Boothill couldn't recall the last time he was near a cigarette, not after you gave them to him to dispose of so that your little girl would never find them. It was never just the two of you at the tree again, always you three. Two grown horses and a little foal, growing along with her.

Now this he'd have no other way.

He was perched down on the large root of the tree beside you, where you sat as well. He could see the little girl in your lap in his peripheral, which he turned to look at when she called him. 

For her, it wasn't Boothill, something more like "Papa." She had this little giggle in her voice when she said it and even after the most tiring days, Boothill never had been happier.

"What's it, sugar?" He asks, turning to look at her. You look as well when she crawls out of your lap and stands, waddling her way over to him.

Was this how the mares felt when their foal stood and walked over to them for the first time? If it was, he was jealous it took him so long to figure it out for himself. You looked just as surprised as he felt and neither of you knew how to respond. Nick and Graey taught him everything he knew, yet the two of you taught him more every day.

Boothill was never one to smoke a cigarette, but now he was the one flicking ash off the tip and watching as it burned the knee of his pants. Now he couldn't get the stench of smoke off of him.

It was nice, even though his metal body hissed in disagreement. He took another puff, then another. Would you feel betrayed that he never really disposed of the pack of cigarettes? He didn't know. But it was late nights where he thought of how he got them in the first place he was glad he didn't.

It was a brand new pack when you came down from the house, now it was nearly halfway empty.

Was this what it smelt like when the house burned? Did it burn the same way? ─ No, it couldn't have. This burn burnt good, this burn was all he had left of you. This burn reminded him of you and the sacrifices you made for your daughter, this burn reminds him of the two of you and all the sacrifices he'll make for you.

bonus information: | more here.

[ 1 ] "It was a new pack when you came down from the house, now it was nearly halfway empty." That's about how many times Boothill found himself thinking of you, so much so he needed something palpable. Y'know, because everything was burned so all he has is this vague smell of you? I'm sorry. He also has blown through other packs when he just wants to remember the comfort your presence had brought him at one point, he only uses your pack on those nights.

[ 2 ] Wanna know another kicker? Boothill knows for a fact you wouldn't have been happy if you knew he smoked, before his enhancements and after. You used to tell him that they were bad for him, which he already knew, but that was very long ago in the overall timeline of this fic. When he thinks about those times, he smokes another.

[ 3 ] He doesn't have anything to remember your daughter by, he might've if the IPC nuke came a little later so that she could've given him the gift she'd been working on. You might've been able to give him your gift as well, so he had something healthier to cling on to. Those are long since burned and buried, though.

[ 4 ] In the image thing, my brain is blanking on what it's called, the "Everyone you love is dead anyway" is a reference to "You're going to die anyway". Yes, that is the front of a Marlboro pack, lol.

[ 5 ] Alright alright, you've cried enough tears, but if you notice any other little details, I'd love to talk about them/hear your thoughts. I poured my soul into this so many thanks for giving it a shot!

all rights reserved to wishset. do not copy, translate, or repost. can only be found on tumblr as of 06.30.

[sevenrenny]

Recently a relative asked me why I'm 'suddenly' always sick and that I was so healthy as a kid.

I was never a healthy kid. I was always in pain, but nobody believed me. I complained I had moments of dizziness, momentary visual blurriness and blindness, moments where I couldn't balance myself, and intense migraines so bad I fantasized popping a hole in my skull hoping that would get whatever was hurting me out of my head. I had days where it was just brain fog, but I was too young to know the word 'brain fog'. I'd have days where I was in so much pain I'd vomit.

But I got scolded for 'faking it' for attention or to get out of school. I got punished for 'being lazy'. So little by little, I learned complaining about constant pain that made me suicidal would make things worse for me. People punished me for telling them I was hurting, so I shut up.

Even when I became quiet about it, there were things I couldn't hide and my family rug-swept them: I passed out at school a few times from intense pain. I had multiple intestinal issues my family told me were normal, that 'it happens to everyone', telling me that 'Your dad had that happen so many times' while chuckling like it was funny. Every time, they waited for me to 'stop being dramatic' until I started screaming and writhing on the floor and they finally got me to the ER, scolding me the whole time for 'not saying anything sooner'.

During one of those visits, a doctor found a large tumor I was choking on. He found it by accident when he was putting a tube down my throat. I'd been having trouble breathing, but my family accused me of lying, and I'd started to think I was imagining it. Upon discovering the tumor, my mom's reaction was to scold me for giving myself a tumor.

After the tumor removal, the doctor had told her something seemed odd, and he talked with my mom for a bit but I can't remember what they said. We never went back to this doctor. When I asked my mom about it later, she told me the doctor was stupid and he had no idea what he was doing. (It was in my 20s when I went to check on my intestinal issue that the doctor told me he suspected I had gastroparesis, which he later confirmed it was.)

I struggled with classes because of the combination of undiagnosed medical issues, undiagnosed ADHD, undiagnosed dyscalculia, and having panic attacks (later got diagnosed with c-PTSD). My mom threatened to marry me off or kick me out of the house for almost failing math. I was sworn at, told horrific things that still stick with me (and the rest of the family blamed me for 'being lazy' and making her angry with me). I was a kid and couldn't understand why existing hurt, why, if it was so 'normal' to be in consent agony, everyone else seemed to not be struggling like me. I couldn't wrap my head around why everything that seemed so easy for everyone else was almost impossible for me.

It wasn't until an online friend asked me if I had some sort of disease because I was constantly in the hospital. I told her, "No, not really. What's the average number of times someone's in the hospital?" She said, "Renny, I've never once been to the ER." She was older than me. It was then that it clicked for me. I'd been so convinced that all of this was normal, that I was behind everyone else in life because I must be just a weak person because I was so behind even when I gave it my hardest.

I wasn't behind because I was weak. I was behind because I was never given the assistance I needed.

As soon as I became an adult and financially independent, I started seeking medical help. Got diagnosed with severe chronic migraines and other illnesses typically comorbid with chronic migraines and gastroparesis. (There are some issues I can't get medical help for in my country, so those will have to wait). I'm on medications now. Because of gastroparesis, pills didn't work for me too well, so a friend taught me how to use autoinjectors. I have friends who actually help me, give me advice, drive me to my appointments, and just be there for me emotionally.

Being medicated has made being alive so much more bearable. I can actually live my life now. Yes, I still have days where I'm in pain (not just migraines, but my other conditions, most of which don't have any treatments to manage them) but it's such a massive improvement from where I was before. I'm happier. I go to therapy. I found people I can talk about my pains and conditions freely to without being told I'm faking it or lazy. I don't work myself to the bone anymore; I shouldn't be giving my 100% to a job that refuses me accommodations when I'd need most of that to manage my health.

I'm back to complaining about pain because, before my family trained me to shut up about it, I was doing it right from the beginning. I'm supposed to complain about pain. Just because I can talk about it freely now, doesn't mean I was never sick before. Just because I'm on medications now, doesn't mean I didn't need them years ago.

I'm happier now as an adult. You just don't like that I'm visible about my illnesses now. It makes you uncomfortable that I self-administer injections, that I talk about my health the way that I want to. The thought of chronic illness makes you uncomfortable; you liked it better when I was quiet. You'd rather I don't find diagnoses for my illnesses, because, in your logic, if I don't go get the diagnosis then I'm not sick.

I was never a healthy kid. You just don't want to admit you went along with the rest of the family to abuse a disabled kid for being disabled.

[the-fibre-stuff]

Hey beginner knitters:

I know I got a little flippant, but I wasn't thinking about implications, and I want you to know that I, and most people here on knitblr, are more than happy to help if you're having trouble with anything. There are, of course, limitations to how much help we can be in this medium, but frankly, that's often the limit to how much help you can get.

However, if you are looking for people to point out potential mistakes and areas of improvement when you post something, do make sure to indicate that. Just like with any other work that you post online, we're not going to say something unless we're 100% sure it's a mistake, and even then we'll think at least twice, because that's not what we're here for.

Speaking as someone who used to twist their purl stitches, saw that they looked different (I checked the ribs of my k2p2 rib and noticed that they looked different on the inside and the outside) and fixed the problem several projects in, you're much better off learning to get comfortable with needles and yarn and then trying to figure out how you're making your stitches. (And like @buttercupyarnart says, there's no need to knit your stitches untwisted, as long as you're comfortable with the fabric you make.)

Same for how you hold your needles and your yarn. I was taught to hold my needles with my hands underneath, in that pose that people always complain is drawn by people who aren't familiar with knitting, because no one knits like that. I learned a year or two in that that style of holding needles wasn't very popular anymore because it's more awkward, and taught myself to hold my hands on top. Much easier than learning to knit was, so there was no harm in learning that in two steps, because it's not as if I had to re-learn from scratch instead. (I wonder if this is why I have such a weird way of holding my yarn? It's part of why I generally don't teach, even if I'm doing a proper class and not a huge group of kids, how to hold the yarn. I demonstrate and explain that this is my way, there's lots of ways, and let the people who keep going figure out their own way to hold the yarn).

And even if you DO have a knitting teacher in the room with you, who can give you actual practical advice (and you're paying them, so they're going to correct you while you're there, even if it's not an ideal time to learn it), take what they say with a grain of salt. I ran across someone - and they were willing to tell this story themselves, it wasn't someone complaining about an awful teacher they'd had - who saw a student propping one knitting needle in their lap, kind of an awkwardly placed knitting sheath or knitting belt and scolded them, saying that they can't do that, they need to knit properly. I had student do this once, so I can tell you that it's a good way to knit, just kind of weird. I made sure that she knew that she should keep that style up, because it was efficient, and I showed her what I was doing, and as she was able to translate it to her knitting, it was all good.

[nothorses]

So have you ever like. Talked to people that were homeschooled? Or did you just read one story online about a cult homeschooling their kids and went "fuck this is awful public school is so much better"?

I was homeschooled until 5th grade and then sent to public school. I lasted until 7th grade before I had to fucking beg my parents to homeschool me again. I was literally waking up for school in the mornings and immediately having a mental breakdown. I was constantly trying to fake being sick so I didn't have to go.

Homeschooling was SO much fucking better. I didn't have to sleep in jeans and a bra and t-shirt so that I was already dressed when I woke up, just so I had time to eat a small bowl of cereal before being forced to leave.

I didn't have to worry about classmates making fun of me behind my back, or my "friends" insulting me or going out of their way to embarass me in front of my crushes.

I didn't have to worry about having a cold or the flu or my period and being forced to go to school and be miserable all day covered in blood and snot.

I didn't have to worry about being given lunch detention because I forgot one book (probably because I have memory issues from severe ADHD)

I didn't have to worry about being overwhelmed with homework. I didn't have to worry about my teachers or classmates making me feel like a fucking idiot because I couldn't do math (wow turns out I have a severe learning disability that somehow no one noticed).

I didn't have to worry about being forced to run the pacer test in gym and not being allowed to rest, resulting in me throwing up.

You can't tell people "omg just because YOU had a bad time in school doesn't mean you're allowed to dislike it!!! Not all public school is bad!"

and then turn around and go "Homeschooling is awful it's just a bunch of religious bigot cultists teaching their children how to be bigots and children never getting to go out and socialize with their peers!!!"

All I learned from public school was:

Keep my fucking mouth shut, do not speak unless spoken to

Don't do anything "weird" or "different" (AKA show signs of having autism)

If you don't stay in school and go to college (AKA put yourself in thousands of dollars of debt in exchange for a piece of paper that doesn't actually guarantee you a job) then you'll die in a ditch somewhere

Don't even bother trying to make friends, they'll just treat you like shit

I was never taught anything useful that I couldn't have just learned by myself at home. I was never taught how to pay bills or what a mortgage is or how to grow my own food or raise my own animals for meat or how credit cards work or how to take care of myself after my parents die.

Public school is there to terrorize children and destroy them mentally until they conform to what society wants, so that they become the perfect unquestioning unthinking cogs in the machine that will work until they die.

It's there to make money for colleges because kids are never taught about trade jobs or making their own businesses/companies, they're taught that college is the be all end all and if you don't go there (and give them your time and money) then you'll become homeless and die.

It doesn't teach you how to think for yourself, it teaches you to shut the fuck up and obey or be punished.

I'm sorry you had that experience with public school, genuinely- and I know you aren't the only one, and this is honestly something I feel really passionate about. Like, actually; a big motivator for getting my Master's in Ed- and likely my Ph.D in Ed after this- has been that it positions me to get involved in a way that I can make larger changes than most classroom teachers might be able to influence.

I'm also really glad that homeschool was a positive thing for you! And I don't believe in outlawing homeschool or anything either; I do think it needs more regulation and resources, and I think there needs to be a wider array of options overall, but like. Given how education has historically been weaponized against indigenous communities to carry out cultural genocide (in the form of boarding schools), I think any laws against homeschooling would just end up repeating that same history.

But like, you can't ignore that homeschool has absolutely been used as a tool of abuse, too. And you can't ignore that abusive families and home environments exist, and you can't just... refuse to acknowledge the push from the conservative right to de-regulate homeschooling & break down public ed in order to further empower them to isolate and brainwash kids.

Hell, you wanna talk about how kids are taught to stop thinking, stop talking, and follow orders? Take a little day trip to a fundamentalist homeschooling network sometime.

You talk about public ed like it's this homogeneously evil entity designed for, and only capable of, abusing kids. But you wanna know what?

My family is abusive! My upbringing was abusive!

And sure, there's a chance they may have been able to pay for private school or something if public school had not been an option- for a few years, anyway. But that's because my grandparents have money, and because my mom was just neglectful enough to want me out of her hair.

I went to three elementary schools, two middle schools, and four high schools. All of those were public schools. Some of them sucked more than others, but all of them offered me:

An escape from home that I needed so desperately that, for a long time, I extended by hiding out at the public library for an extra 3+ hours.

Reliable lunches, even when my mom wouldn't pay for them.

Adults that I could trust, and did trust.

Adult role models and examples of a better future, especially in the queer adults that taught me.

Social connections, one of which was with a current roommate and my best friend.

Directly applicable knowledge and skills: cooking, online research and internet safety, everything I know about safe sex, finances, how to do my taxes, basic governmental structure, local, national, and world history, basic court proceedings, how to navigate colleges/university, (some) critical literacy & critical thinking skills, social-emotional learning, (some) critical race theory...

An array of options for different paths into an adult career: understanding (some) options like trade schools, community college, university, and the military (gross), and why I might choose one of those options vs. going straight into work.

Examples of and exposure to different & diverse ways of being, from home lives, to cultures, to queerness, to experiences I would never have firsthand.

Like, I have definitely grown up in pretty progressive areas & school districts, and that's a big part of it (though the conservative-leaning school I went to was also the school where my creative writing teacher read us a short story that he wrote about some gay star-crossed truckers).

These schools exist, and these experiences exist, and it's silly to dismiss them out of hand because your one stint into public school once was a nightmare.

And it's worse to dismiss the resource that these places are to so many families & kids. It's free childcare, it's one sure meal every day, it's community, it's exposure to diversity.

The practical alternative to that, for a lot of poor families, is child labor.

You don't have to like public education. I certainly have mixed feelings on it, and understanding & addressing the deep-seated problems in it are, like, the cornerstone of my life's work at this point.

What you should do, imo, is learn to recognize when you might not have all the context and information you need to make a judgement call like "destroy public education forever", look around at the people saying what you're saying & why they might be saying it, and perhaps consider listening to the people who have already been doing the work you've assumed is impossible.

[stychu-stych]

Hi, sorry if this is weird but I'm saw in your bio that your a tattoo artist but I found your account theough some cult of the lamb art (it looks cool af) and I've been planning to do illustration and animation at unj but I've also been considering a tattoo artist apprenticeship after i finish that msybe? could you possibly tell me what irs like as an apprentice and if you think I could do my courses at uni and then do an apprenticeship after? I've really been struggling considering my choices and if you had any advice or information about being a tattoo artist weather its on an apprenticeship or actually as a career I would really appreciate it if you had any information for me! I'm so sorry if this is weird and of course you dont have to tell me anything if you don't want to or am uncomfortable too but I'm really curious and with no other sources 😭 (also finding your account may just be like my idol and inspiration while I struggle through school and what I do in the future 😭❤️)

That took me a while to answer because I never feel experienced enough to advise people 😭 Or maybe I should say - I don't feel in a position to advise because, as I once said, I'm mostly a self-taught working at home studio (now almost in my own art workshop with my fiancée) and I don't have much experience working in typical tattoo studio and with other tattoo artists. But I'll try my best ✨

There're many differences between apprenticeship in different countries (and tattooing in general) for example - Poland has one of the lowest price list in Europe but still a lot of people can't afford tattoos. Or that in UK being a tattoo apprentice is a long process. I know for sure that a lot of tattoo artists I know struggle with number of clients compared to previous years. And it won't change for a long time for sure because of inflation. So if you want to start tattooing you need to know that you won't earn much money for a year at least (as I said- it might looks different in another countries)

Also as a tattoo artist (even as a apprentice) you still need to take care of your social media which sometimes can be exhausting and depressing. And I'm telling all of this because I know that you probably won't find this kind of information on other tattoo artists' profiles (unfortunately strategy "look how my life is perfect" works for social media and for getting clients)

But on the brighter side - being a tattoo apprentice isn't something you have to dedicate your whole life to it. Lot of people I know have a second job to be financially stable. I myself don't live only from tattooing - I also help my fiancée with our online store (with our fanmerch and original artworks) and go on conventions with our booth. So you always can do multiple things at once and if you'll decide that tattooing isn't for you - nothing is lost!

The best way to know more about tattoo apprenticeship in your area is to check some groups - for example on facebook- dedicated to learning tattooing

I know that this post is sooo long but believe me, I barely touched the topic. I could write an entire essay about that topic djdbdjdh

Have some wolf lady because I like adding pics to posts sjdbsjsb

[medstudentblues]

an update from yesterday: the residents didn’t let us go home even though there were no surgeries left. at 3am, my co-interns and i walked back — them, to their dorms, and i, to my car, to sleep before we signed out at 7am. it was tiring and difficult. we don’t even have a lounge— we just came to an agreement with the other co-interns last month to let the anesthesiology rotators stay for awhile in the family med interns’ lounge. the chairs were hard to sleep on. i don’t really see the “learning” part in this set up. we are trained and taught to just accept everything as they are.

anyhow, this morning, i was in such a heavy mood because i was tired and sleepy, and i still had to go back to the hospital at 1pm for a 2-hour lecture that could easily be done online! i don’t live in a dorm. i have to drive an hour to and fro so that was pretty exhausting for me. it’s almost akin to an almost 24hrs duty tbh.

i slept immediately when i got home. when the shopee driver called me for a package (my yoga mat finally arrived!), it was announced that the class was cancelled and i was elated! blissful! GAAAH. why does my institution hate work-life balance/healthy work environment so much?

i slept until noon and then cooked myself an egg sandwich. i barely scheduled anything today since i was expecting an exhausting day so i treated myself to a reading session. i’m currently reading agatha christie’s the man in the brown suit and it’s so fun to read while drinking a cup of tea, and listening to the rain outside. i am at peace. i am happy.

[matthiastalksalot]

what is being aromantic? what is being asexual?

i struggled to grasp both for so long, pushing away these parts of my identity with intense denial and a tad bit of misunderstanding.

this is the first of two parts. i talk a lot. enjoy!

CW: discussions of sex

around a year ago, i had gotten into a relationship with a boy whom i cared for deeply. we both had “crushes” on each other around october of 2022. we shared a brief new years kiss, as friends. life moved on. he got a girlfriend. i thought i had a “crush” on my best friend.

then we were roommates for an overnight school choir trip. we did all of the “romantic” things that couples were supposed to do, all the while claiming it was a joke (clarifying point: his girlfriend was well aware of this. she said that i was her boyfriend’s boyfriend).

however, he felt neglected by his girlfriend during this trip, because she wanted to spend more time with her friend group them with him. he was one of two friends of mine, and so i was always around. i helped comfort him when he felt alone. i hung out with him 24/7, having fun during the day and cuddling in our hotel bed at night.

this trip lasted a total of 4 days. we got back on a sunday. that monday, he broke up with his girlfriend. he called me, and i went out at 11pm to be with him and help him through this breakup. despite him initiating it, he was also heartbroken and distraught.

the following two weeks, we had what i would call a “situationship”. we would cuddle, hold hands, talk, hang out constantly. what we couldn’t do? date. because it was moving on too soon.

eventually, we did start dating. we were the most obnoxious PDA couple my high school had ever seen. sitting on each others laps in the cafeteria, holding hands in choir, ect. i even promposed to him by bringing a door to school in the bed of my pickup truck, and asking him out in front of our class.

you may be thinking- how did such a picture perfect relationship fail? there are many awnsers to this question, but the big one? sex.

we hung out after school daily, and the more time that passed, the more comfortable he was with beginning sex and related activities.

to be clear: we never got far. we made out once. we only did it to see if it was better than i thought it would be, as i truly did not have interest. (it was not. spit. ew.) we did a little grinding here and there, and it felt okay. we would do it for a bit, eventually i would be overstimulated, and we would stop. i would immediately turn back to what we had been doing before, which i later learned hurt his feelings.

i do not find it impossible to have the physical feelings that come with sex.

what he taught me was that i lack emotional connection when it comes to sex. to be quite frank, i found his initiation to be disruptive. i just wanted to cuddle and watch a movie, why do we have to hump and suck necks??

when i told him that i thought i may be asexual, he cried. i had been feeling off, not sure what to say. he asked what was wrong, and when i told him, he cried. he asked many questions, such as “why can’t anything ever be simple? my ex only liked my body, now you come along and fulfill all my emotional needs, but aren’t interested? have you been lying when you called me attractive?”

i comforted him. he told me it was okay, we would figure it out. we broke up weeks later. two days before it happened he tweeted “i miss being sexualized by horny men online”. yeah.

my sexuality wasn’t the only reason for our breakup, but it was a large one. despite this, i did not feel truly comfortable calling myself asexual for months following.

after all, i knew what sexual pleasure felts like.

it took me until the following january to accept myself as asexual.

over winter break in college, i got grindr and met up with a 49 year old. he called himself “erik”, although i strongly doubt that is his real name.

we hooked up. i lied to him, pretended i wasn’t a virgin. the entire thing was so awkward. i told him no kissing or anything related to mouths from the start, as i knew i didn’t like it. he held to that, and we had sex. i got off, so did he, but honestly? not quite what it is cracked up to be.

i almost passed out like three times but i didn’t know what it was or wasn’t supposed to be.

something within me changed that night, as i finally understood the difference between feeling and attraction. i do not feel attraction to anyone sexually. not my ex, not the grindr hookup.

i began to identify as asexual.

i still do, but the way i described it then was “i want to keep my sex and romantic relationships separate. because i am not sexually attracted to my partner, it would feel weird to lead them on by having sex.”

now. i am aromantic. how did we get there? story for another day. perhaps later tonight. perhaps tommorow.

it took me years to figure out my asexual identity. there are so so many naysayers, and people who do not believe in it. in situations like that, it is harder to truly find yourself. but i did. and i am sure if you reading this are in a similar spot, you will as well, in due time.

all my love,

mattisaroace

[stoukadraws]

Happy 3rd Anniversary Chromatale, and Goodnight.

So its about time I say this: I won't be making any content about this AU anymore, so that unfortunately puts it into the discontinued undertale comics category xd

I just really lost the spark I had 2 years ago when making it, so the "little hiatus" that I thought was only going to be a few months turned into more than a year.

I'm sorry to those who were waiting and wanted to see more, but there is another reason why I'm doing this-

It's not gonna be an AU anymore, it's going to be an original story.

I really thought about it for a while and I decided that making it into an original story would give me more creative freedom and I wouldn't have to always stick to one storyline, I wanted to expand the world more as well as the characters, but since its all based on a game with a pretty much solid story, it was hard for me to insert some things that would be out of place or wouldn't make sense.

So, I hope you understand, this AU was truly a learning experience for both my art and my writing since I made it when I was really young and not very experienced, but I'm glad I was able to improve along the way.

Thank you for supporting this AU since the beginning and stuck around!

I plan to make more works surrounding this new story later on, so I look forward to it! And I hope some of you are excited for what's to come. (*^▽^*)

More in-depth explanation + some questions (near the end) :

This is gonna be a bit long so if you really wanna read this whole thing be prepared xd

This whole thing doesn't mean I'm quitting Undertale altogether, I'm still continuing the Strays Au, and I want that AU to be my main Undertale AU now since I've always intended on making it Undertale related and I'm already satisfied with it right now, so I don't intend on making it original or anything.

When I started Chromatale I was still a kid-ish, and I was at the toilet with my phone and idk how it started but I decided to doodle a Sans on my phone and thought "I can make an Undertale AU!".

And so I did. Chromatale back then was reallyyy different, it was a post-genocide story with Sans and Frisk trying to bring everyone back -yeah real original younger me

There was a comic I did on my phone but now its lost in time unfortunately, it went though like 2 rewrites until I decided to make it a full AU with my own story. And so some brainstorming later and the comic you all know today was made!

Again, I was still new to the whole comic making thing and my writing was pretty sloppy, I'm still surprised it got a lot of attention- I was full of passion and really worked my butt off to make each pages, even with school going on (it was online so it wasn't much of a hassle tho) I was determined to finish it and already had a lot of the comic planned.

That is until I felt a bit worn out, my motivation was getting lower until I could barely produce a page, so that's when I decided to put the comic on hiatus, I initially planned for it to only be a few months but then time went on and I still didn't feel motivated to continue it.

During that time I was just doing my own thing, making some OC art and different stories, making another Undertale AU, going back to school and a shit ton of projects to do- I felt like a little weight was lifted from my back, the comic had turned into labor for me and constantly doing updates wasn't very healthy, since during some updates I had to force myself to finish it.

The story was also changing in the middle of it, I had to rewrite chapter 3 since the first version was literally full of "fanservice" that I only noticed when I re-read the chapter a few months later.

I just wasn't satisfied with it, the story that my younger self had in mind didn't fit what I wanted now since I had grown more mature as time went on, the whole AU really taught me what to do and what not to do.

Initially I actually wanted to reboot Chromatale again and focus more on the concepts and solidifying the plot before engaging in a comic, but after some thinking I thought it would be better to transition it into an original story. I really wanted to expand the story more and again gain more creative freedom than being limited to a pretty much complete-ish story.

I wanted to do what I wanted instead of forcing it to fit with the fandom's liking and preference.

Although its going to be an original story some things will sorta be the same but I won't go into too much detail about it.

I won't promise a comic though, mini comics sure but not anything official. Maybe in the far distant future, but I doubt, I still got a lot of other stories I wanna make into comics >>

Now some things I would like to clarify:

"Now that you're discontinuing Chromatale can it be mine?"

-Unfortunately as much as you want to claim it, no. Chromatale still belongs to me. Even if its going to be original now there's still a lot about it during its UTAU days. I still own it, but I don't want to be heavily associated with it. I'd rather have others focus on the new version than the AU version, and I don't want all my other works to be overshadowed by it. I hope you understand.

"Can I still make fanart?"

-Feel free to still make fanart, I won't restrict anyone from still making any. But I'd still like to see fanart of the new version 👀

"Can I still dub the comic?"

-Sure, make sure to still credit me but please specify to viewers that the comic is now discontinued and its become an original story, I don't wanna give the viewers false hope. If your dubbing for fun then go ahead!

Any dub of the comic that has been published has my permission to still be up in public, I won't force anyone to take it down. But please don't use it for any profiting or income.

Now that's been settled, I'm planning on posting some concepts from the AU that I still have since I don't think I'll use some anymore and now that its ok to show now that I discontinued the comic xd

Again, thank you for following me along this journey! See you in the next post ✨

[hiveswap]

If my internet experience has taught me anything, it's that a lot of americans, as my mom would say, think they're Superman's tits (that everyone's attention is always on them only).

Anyways I never had a single English class or even cared to study it on my own (We learned German at the school I was in), I learned it purely by osmosis by watching Markiplier and Skydoesminecraft while not understanding anything until suddenly I did, then I learned by interacting with the animation community and fandom content online! Anyways, I owe my English education to the fact that when I was 11 Lixian decided to make a Markiplier FNAF animation

I personally learned from my little pony and it's fandom. (I called myself a brony as an 11 year old girl...) I remember that by the time i was like 13 i made a concious desision to watch steven universe in english instead of hungarian and mostly understood everything. I did have classes but they sucked

[letstripdotcom]

right where you left me- pt.2

a/n- i’m having sm fun writing this

summary- upon the loss of your favorite person, your life changes completely. you change, your family changes, your every day life changes, but some things never change. your best friend, matt, has always been there and will always be there for you. no matter what

warnings- grief, panic attack

-

Dust collected on my pinned-up hair

They expected me to find somewhere

Some perspective, but I sat and stared

-

a couple hours of sleep had passed before my peace was interrupted. i abruptly woke up, my chest feeling tight. my heart was beating through my chest and i was in a cold sweat. i was having another panic attack. great.

i took several deep shaky breaths trying to ease myself. “it’s gonna be okay” i whispered to myself again and again. i tried to use some of the breathing exercises i learned from matt.

when i found out my grandma had cancer, my anxiety got really bad. i would have random panic attacks all of the time. matt was familiar with them, so he taught me how to calm myself down. this panic attack however, was not like any ones i’ve had in the past.

i let out choked sobs and frantic breaths. “please just end” i pleaded as if that would help. i got up and stumbled into the kitchen. i got a cold bottle of water from the fridge and sat down.

“please end, please end” i pleaded over and over again. “this can’t be real” i buried my head into my hands and cried.

suddenly, i felt a hand come in contact with my back. “i’ve got you, it’s gonna be okay” a familiar voice spoke. matt. what would i do without him. “come sit for a little while, and we could watch a movie or something. okay?” he said, guiding me to the living room.

i nodded and followed. he sat on the couch and patted the spot next to him. “what’s your favorite movie?” he asked

“it’s corny” i laughed slightly.

“i swear i won’t judge. it’s your pick.” he nudged my shoulder softly.

i sighed. “promise?” i looked at him and he nodded. “the outsiders.”

“well the outsiders it is” i smiled at his enthusiasm. we turned on the movie i knew all too well. i could quote it if i really wanted to.

as we got further into the movie i calmed down and started to get sleepy again. i leaned over onto matt’s shoulder and closed my eyes. “thank you so much matt” i whispered. “anytime.” he wrapped his arms around me into a tight hug. the sound of the movie became more faint as i fell asleep.

-

the next morning i woke up with matt’s arms tightly around me. i noticed he was awake when i could feel him rubbing small circles on my back. “hmm” i groaned.

“good morning” he whispered letting go so i could get up and stretch.

“thank you so much matt, really.” i hugged him and went to the bathroom. i looked at myself in the mirror and audibly gasped. i looked a mess. i headed back downstairs to matt.

“hey matt, i really need to shower and brush my teeth and change out of these clothes.”

“do you want me to take you home?” he asked

home was actually the last place i wanted to be. i didn’t wanna be alone in my house with just my feelings and my thoughts. i sighed heavily. “i-i don’t know”

“hey, it’s okay you don’t have to if you don’t want to. i have spares of anything you need. you just shower and take care of everything and i’ll go by your house and get everything you need, just send me a list.

“thank you so much matt!” i hugged him and he got me everything i needed.

-

matt’s pov

-

the past 24 hours for everyone has been so strange. nothing inside of me expected last night to end the way it did at all.

i’ve known y/n since she moved to la last year a little after i did. me chris and nick met her at a movie premiere and she was super cool. we saw her videos online prior to meeting her, but we were never in touch.

the following thursday we all went to lunch and an escape room together just to get to know each other off camera. my brothers and i quickly realized how similar she was to us.

one night i’ll never forget is the night she came into our house and she was absolutely hysterical. matt and chris tried to help but it didn’t work. i tired a few breathing exercises that i was taught when im having a panic attack and eventually she was able to tell us about her grandmas cancer.

thursday night activities for us four became tradition. every thursday we took turns planning something we could to to spend quality time together.

this thursday was meant to be an awesome night. it was my turn to plan so of course i didn’t disappoint.

the original plan was to go to our favorite place for dinner, then have a late night beach picnic. we would play games, eat snacks, listen to music, and do everything that makes the beach special.

i wanted so make this night so fun and special for one reason. obviously i’m not psychic and can’t predict the future so in my head this was gonna be the perfect night for me to do the thing i’ve been trying to do for a year.

at the end of the night when nick and chris were off doing their own thing, i was gonna tell y/n i’m in love with her.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

[beforeiread-studies]

Korean Learning - month 6 update (July 2024)

This was a great month! I'm proud of myself and my progress.

I read 2 more books in the Easy Korean Reading series. In my last post I had said something like "I'm sure I'll be able to finish the whole series this month" but nope, they got much harder after the first 4. So now I have 2 books left. At one point the characters re-introduced themselves and it's crazy to compare that to the introductions in very chapter of the first book and see how they are using much more complex expressions now and I understand them!

I kept it up with Anki and added around 250 new cards. Not 500 like I had hoped, but adding cards is so dull ㅠ I miss my pre-made deck for German. In other news, I finally got the mobile app so I've been studying on the bus (and at work) or even while watching videos rather than having 1 big session a day, which is more relaxing.

I bought an Italian Korean workbook. I've completed 6 lessons out of 25. This book is used at Italian unis to study Korean so it makes me feel v accomplished. So far it's mostly been stuff I already know but it's nice to put dots on is and lines on ts (does that make sense in English?).

I watched some random super beginner Korean podcasts. Choi Susu I will get to your level someday but until then akapinn and koreant (on YouTube) are solid alternatives. Highly recommended for super beginners.

I spontaneously enrolled in a King Sejong Institute (KSI) online course. The one with 1 online live lecture a week. The first one is this weekend but I will have to miss it ㅠ (already alerted the teacher, it's fine). From what I can see you need to do 1 unit of registered videos a week and then there is the live lecture. I thought I'd enroll in the Level 2/6 course, but the KSI level test told me to enroll in level 3 (2A)! I decided to up the stakes even more by choosing a course taught entirely in Korean, no English. Cause, you know, I'm moving there in a month, I should get used to not understanding anything that's going on. But now that I've watched the videos for the first week they are kinda easy? Am I actually getting good at Korean?

MOST IMPORTANTLY, I started taking lessons on Italki! So far I've taken 6 lessons with 2 teachers and I have another one scheduled for Friday. One of the teachers focuses more on speaking-speaking and the other on speaking-grammar, which I think is a great combo. I've spent about 100€ on lessons (yikes) but I put money aside for this so it's fine. Being forced to speak to someone in Korean is definitely helping. I can now have simple chats with my teachers, using English vocabulary for the words I don't know yet. And this week I'm going from 30-minute lessons to 45-minute lessons. Wish me luck!

Things that didn't work

I deleted TikTok. Last month I uploaded it to only follow Korean accounts and get bite-sized practice, but I ended up skipping those videos and stopping on the English-subtitled ones. I'm not there yet.

I didn't complete a single new lesson on the King Sejong online no-lectures course. I suppose they are just not appealing to me anymore, which is fine. I won't put pressure on myself for it anymore. The new course should provide me with the same content anyway.

The fill-it-out cards on Anki failed miserably. I created them wrong and they asked me to fill out the English word. Yikes. I don't think I'll try again for a bit.

Month 7 plan (August 2024)

Less than 1 month to my move to Korea, gah.

Vocabulary. Keep it up with Italki + add however many cards I like

Reading. Finish at least the 4.1 book of Easy Korean Reading.

Listening. Keep listening to random podcasts on YouTube until I find one that fits my level. No pressure.

Conversation. 2 Italki lessons per week. I will have to decide whether to keep them up after I leave for Korea too.

Grammar. Attend the KSI lectures + complete the exercises on my book.

Writing. I'm now realizing that I've been sorely neglecting this aspect of language learning and I'm desolate to inform you that I will continue to do so during the next month too.

[come1nalone]

Adult children of neglect: this is how to wash your hair and take care of it.

Ive gotten this one as a request. Back at it again. Personally I’ll say that my hair is very fine and very straight, I do know people with curly hair may have a more complex way of taking care of their hair. But regardless the basic idea stands.

I myself don’t have that many encounters regarding my childhood and hair. I do remember being 12 and having a small section of my hair become matted. I was able to solve it out, but it shouldn’t have happened in the first place! I was a kid.

Those are my general tips I could think of from the top of my head.

It’s important that you brush your hair once a day. You can deffo do it more than once. But doing so at least once is important as your hair can become matted if you don’t.

If your hair ever does get matted, know that there are special salons trained in de-matting hair. You don’t have to go at it with scissors.

As per washing your hair, different people have different ways to go about it. The rule of thumb is to wash it if it becomes greasy, or if it smells. If you don’t have a feel for it, or no one ever taught you, Try washing your hair every other day. See if that feels good- if not, try to understand what is a ratio that works better.

If you had to go alone and hadn’t had an adult teach you this, it’s worth noting that when you go to the barber, or the hair salon, it’s considered good practice to come in with your hair washed and detangled before your meeting. In some places it’s considered common courtesy to tip. Depends on where you live.

You can always do a lot of learning online when it comes to styling your hair, don’t be shy to search for tips. This also extends to special hair products, or tips and tricks when it comes to certain hair types. Do not be embarrassed. You deserve to learn and nurture yourself with love!

One thing I think children of neglect aren’t aware of are the vast options that exist of anything really. When you’re busy surviving, and no adult is there to show you how to take care of yourself. You often reduce your world to a world of survivalism. In reality, your hair is a sign of beauty (in many cultures), it’s a way of self expression, but most importantly it’s a part of you that deserves to be nourished and loved. It takes time to readjust to a world of living when all you’re used to is surviving.

May you find the ways in which your hair becomes a familiar part of you! And good luck in recovery.

[sweatermuppet]

sorry if you've been asked this before but have you gone to college or are you interested? a lot of my fav writers went to pretty prestigious places and have masters or phds etc and i was the type of person who never thought i'd be able to go to school for writing (or anything really) but i'm gonna try this upcoming school year. would love any insight you have if any <3

my feelings on further education for writing are complicated, but to put it out there at the top: i did not go to college & do not consider it necessary to be published

i did not apply to college in high school, which was highly controversial according to teachers, who insisted i need to at least look. i had some poor grades (almost failed creative writing, almost failed sophomore english) & did not attend many after school programs. i skipped class, had a suspension on record for fighting, & i was deeply deeply clinically depressed. i was in therapy, on medication, & could not see that another few years of school would suit me, especially because i was trying to come out as trans in a small school & that exhausted & despaired me. i did not have savings, scholarship offers, & my parents had told me since childhood that any secondary education would be my responsibility

i would like to go to college now i think, or at least attend more workshops & small classes for poetry & fiction, but i still feel it is very unlikely. education costs are too high for me to consider it an agreeable sacrifice for those experiences & connections. if i had the chance to go somewhere for writing, it would have to be within a financial margin that seemingly does not exist for current college costs & i refuse to take out loans, especially when i would rather work a day job & further my transition

i think it is very possible to educate yourself. there are lots of online resources available that can provide you with lessons, prompts, readings, & "homework". one key element, that ive discussed with other published friends, is that doing it alone... means you are that: alone. there is a lot of value in being taught by someone or someones who can answer your questions & give you a uniquely human perspective. i have taught myself a lot privately, but it does come with a sometimes crushing distance that can feel downright alienating, if not discouraging. there is a thrill in discussing poetry in a group that cannot be replicated in solitude

on the other hand, i think experiences cannot be taught in a classroom. to write, you must live first. you have to have material & it is difficult to craft material when you are entirely occupied with study. heartbreak, loss, love, wonder, can all happen during college, & even college is its own experience, but i do think there is a lot of overlooked value in people who just do... people things without wondering if it'll make a good poem

when i went to a writing retreat last year, i was the only man to attend (or ever apply!) & the only person in the group to not have gone to, or actively be in, college. i was torn between thinking i was an outsider, because everyone around me was "better educated" & feeling like id accomplished something all on my own

so... at the end of the day, i think it is entirely personal whether someone goes to college for writing. i know people who have gone & loved it & others who did not find it useful. i think these depend upon yourself, the school, your style, what you're hoping to achieve, etc. i think most of all it's deeply important to learn with other people when you can, to talk to people about poetry, to go to readings & subscribe to journals & visit libraries & take notes. how that is done is up to you

[luaspersona]

hey y’all, how have you been?

i know it’s been a while, and i know i promised a fic that was supposed to be posted earlier this month and that it’s been some time since i dropped a review. but a lot of stuff happened and i realized that i needed some time off. during that time, i reflected a lot and considered not returning, maybe only posting the seoul town road story and going offline for good. eventually tho, i understood how much i missed reading and how much i couldn’t really stop coming up with ideas and outlining some stories — i like this and for the most part, it makes me really happy.

but i wanted to talk a bit about the stuff that made me second-thought coming back. i wanted to be open about stuff that’s depressing and demotivating in this community, especially because i’ll change a lot of things about how i interact here.

this will be a long text, but it’s really important if you follow me. i wanna make it clear tho, before anything, that i’m speaking for myself here, and myself only.

⇢ the first thing i wanna say is that i’ll be generally less active. i used to think that in order to become a popular blog or whatever i had to be chronically online, posting all the time and all. after giving it some thought, i can't really tell if that's true or not, but the thing is: i don’t have the mental health for it. so i won't push myself. but also, if you write something and want me to read it, please send it to me! shamelessly and guiltlessly promote your work! i probably won’t see it on the feed, but i’m always open for recommendations, i just don't have the time to look for it anymore.

⇢ i’ll also go through my followers and block anyone who doesn’t have their age displayed or looks like a bot. no questions asked. this isn’t a blog for minors, and i wanna protect myself. understand how tumblr works if y’all wanna be here.

⇢ i will finish and post seoul town road soon. please be patient. 

⇢ lately, i’ve seen a lot of wonderful writers deactivate due to lack of interaction and support. i understand we’re here working, writing and sharing for free because we *chose to*, but it's hard to speak to the void. so please, don’t let this become a place where authors are talking to themselves while feeling unsafe due to plagiarism or hate. i understand the reasons why someone might be a silent reader, but... just don't make the authors you like feel alone, y'all (i can write some tips and general guides for reviewing and interacting with writing blogs if y’all are interested).

⇢ ok, so… i thought a lot about whether or not to talk about it. it was already super messy, even if i wasn’t online at the time and didn’t see it happening (i'm sorry if this is just repetition, and i bet y'all are sick of it). but ultimately, the main reason why i hesitated to come back was because of what happened to M, so i kinda need to vent about that.

M was one of the oldest blogs here, always open to chat and interact and doing god's work for our horny and sentimental souls (shape of your body is actually one of my favorite stories ever and made me realize a bunch of stuff about myself to the point where i quoted some of it to my therapist at the time), and y’all came for them in such a nasty, violent way, misgendering and attacking a person that, upon first being called out for writing something insensitive, was immediately open to discussion and hearing what y’all had to say (regardless if it really was insensitive or not, the discussion was more than welcomed by them).

what shocks me the most, is that y’all are supposedly from a fandom of a bunch of dudes who once wrote problematic stuff, but educated themselves after accepting criticism and changed. if y’all understand that our oppressions are systematic, y’all have to understand that everyone has stuff to learn and stuff to let go. i say that as a black woman, who once used to perpetrate racist shit because that was how i was raised and taught. i say that as a bi woman, who once used to perpetrate biphobic and queerphobic rhetoric because that was how i was raised and taught. i say that as a human being, who once used (and probably still do to some capacity) to perpetrate prejudice and problematic behavior because that was how i was raised and taught.

this is not to say we should forgive and forget whenever someone says stuff that’s wrong or suspicious, but sometimes people really don’t understand that what they’ve said is offensive or from a place of unfamiliarity (not sure if that's a real word), and if we gave the boys the benefit of the doubt and still supported them (and are now being rewarded with their care and attention) why can’t we do the same for ourselves? not to mention how transphobic most of y’all were, all while calling someone out for doing something you deemed problematic, like ??? fuck y’all tbh. seeing how they were treated, and learning about the tea blog made me physically sick. someone who has always been such a light in this community being dragged from one (debatable) mistake — which they acknowledged and apologized for — made me depressed af.

it all made this look like stan twitter, where every interaction feels like an attempt to expose someone and draw hate towards them. this makes me feel unsafe as hell. and i don’t know… this whole environment is not as it used to be. there were a bunch of nice projects i wanted to share, i was working on jade’s profile for a nice little thing i wanted to do to support the writing community, i was working on monthly recs, but… idk. i’m not saying i won’t do them, just saying it might take longer for me to feel comfortable here again.

⇢ i know i'm no one. i'm a little blog from the corner of our community, and i barely have enough followers for all of this to mean anything. but this is still my blog, and it's still a place that was supposed to feel good. and i want to have some control over it, even if no one cares necessarily.

anyway. i’m depressed, and i’m saying stuff i might regret, but. yeah. that’s it ig. i'll return slowly and i missed y'all, especially on discord, and i'm sorry for vanishing. i'll also be rb this for the next days to make sure that i reaches everyone i want it to reach.

[lemon-wedges]

Just wanted to ask (and feel free to not answer), but how do you draw so much so quickly? I'm always impressed by how fast you doodle or paint. Also, wanted to say that I appreciate your Barok and DGS art as a whole.

and with this ask i have finally reached an artist milestone 😭

Well theres a short answer and a REALLY long answer (which ill put under cut when i get there).

short answer: practice + refs

which.....can be an annoying thing to hear. And as someone who studies art and has bought a LOT of online courses trying to figure out how industry people can just churn out work like nothing. it feels like a let down every time i find out their big secret. just practice and photo refs. Every. Single. Time.

LONG ANSWER:

its how you studying your refs. heres how i do mine

sorry if this is rambly. but ill try my best to at least be clear. BUT THIS is the EXACT way i taught myself how to be quicker.

I do not know if youve taken any art classes but essentially one of the ways to study gesture drawing is by first tracing ur photo ref to get a sense of the flow/proportions of the body. youve probably seen a billion of these tutorials floating around:

So last year around hmmmm june/july? i was NOT looking to get better at my anatomy or gesture. i was actually trying to get better at clothes. but my problem was it took me so long to draw out a figure (which i was fine with cause i liked how my people looked at the time) that i could never really just focus clothing part.

So i told myself look. ur not looking to draw in this style like this forever. so for now SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY!!!! I WANT THE BAREBONES OF A HUMAN HERE TO MAKE A MANIQUIEN FOR CLOTHES OK

but how do i do that....

Im gonna use this piece as an example from my rise and yosuke fashion palooza month. FIRST u see i got all my photo refs together. i like those poses on the right and i want to switch out the clothes for the other ones i picked out. i trace out my poses. kind of like the tutorial up top but since this is about draping i was focused the exact places their waist/arms/legs/etc would bend.

and like the tutorial u turn off the photo ref and do a drawing based off that traced piece.

then i would turn on my refs and add on my clothes

And after a month of just doing that over and over and over. i was surprised to find that figures and poses were so much easier to understand when i would break them down like this. and once u get familiar with them the faster and more confidently you'll draw them.

I and still do this btw. heres my otasune from the last week

i used photo refs for all my sketches. if i cant find anything online to match what i want i just take photos of myself. and some might say well arent u just relying on reference TOO much?

AND AGAIN take it from someone who has spend a lot of money buying classes from their fav artists in the industry. The Secret of how they churn out so much cool work so fast always turns out to be this. practice and photo refs.

Every. Single. Time.(tho this is omitting a lot. im not getting into like they way they stylize their art work. that actually the fastest and funnest thing to do once u have ur base down)

Now PAINTING

The thing is, i dont actually post up all my work on this blog. So theres a ton of stuff you havent seen me do. These are some paintings i did 2 years ago for a class.

I already know how to pick my values and set up lighting. When you see me painting my figures now. i am not focused on learning these basics im actually just honing a technique.

you might see me post readmores with these kinds of wips. I lay in all my colors and lighting with the lasso tool. ALL THE MAJOR DECSIONS ARE DONE HERE

(the little miniature i add on the side basically tells me what the overall feeling is going to be when i blend in the lineart to be cohesive with my colors) ( also if you had any questions on my prepainting process tho. feel free to ask!!!)

and if you compare this wip to my finished piece youll actually find that i dont stray that far from what i've laid in.

everything happening at THIS stage is about feeling out how i want the textures to blend with one another and getting funky with some brush strokes.

and thats it? im not sure if any of this is helpful but if anything. i hope you come away from this feeling like what ive been doing here is nothing special. "THATS IT???? THATS ALL THERE IS??? well i could have done that :T"

exactly man. you can do ALL OF THIS aND MORE!!! I BELIEVE IN U :D

but ill let this be the last thing i leave u with my friend: my barok sketch and the refs i used for his boobies