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everyglasswebreak · 9 months

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saturday night swank.

i still am so giddy over all of this. i really had no idea my night was going to go this way.

so last week Ty texted me that our friend Cisco was playing at Elsewhere. there was no "official" invitation. the text simply read "Cisco's playing at Elsewhere". i replied and made up some bullshit story about how i saw but i'm not sure if i'm going yet because i "already had plans," which was a lie lol. but i just don't want to seem too available to him. anyways, he replied that he's gonna try to go after dinner with his grandma. so anyways we agreed to try and go.

we all know Ty's flaky history so i immediately texted Devin and asked if he wanted to go with me. to be fully transparent, whether Ty asked me to go or not, I probably still would have gone with Devin to see if Arlo would actually talk to me or ignore me. so from the beginning i didn't high hopes of running into Ty that night.

saturday night comes quickly and i go to Devin's place to hang out with him and the boys before the show. i made it a point to not tell them that Ty and i were texting about the show because i didn't want to seem like an idiot for putting even more blind faith in him.

i was so nervous before the show. mainly because i had zero faith in Ty coming even though i wanted to see him so bad. and also the weight of seeing a boy who ghosted you after asking for YOUR number being there was getting to be too much.

around 7 pm i received a hint from the universe that the night was going to turn out to be better than i thought. Devin and i walk to this new Japanese place on Starr st. and as soon as i walk in a super pretty black girl looks at me and tells me how pretty i am and how much she loved my makeup and hair. i was shocked and so flattered becasue she was also super fucking pretty with really pretty braids. so little did i know that that would give me the confidence needed to stomach the rest of the night.

Devin changes his mind and we end up going across the street to Artichoke pizza. we drink beers and chat in the window of Artichoke. the entire time i'm trying not to show how frazzled i am. i'm not doing a very good job though. i crack. i tell him about Arlo but still haven't said anything about Ty.

the time has come to check out and walk over to Elsewhere. Once we get there I see Arlo, Vittorio, and Jackson. I feel so out of my element. I mean I looked really cute but just the discomfort of uncertainty and embarrassment was starting to eat me alive. I keep scanning the room to see if he'd pop up yet.

Devin sees his friend Kamari and the three of us stand a chat for a bit at the end of the first opener's set. Arlo is standing caddycorner to me saying hi to two girls. i'm mid small talk with Kamari and I don't want Arlo to see me. He honestly might have already. But I put my hands over my face to act like i was shocked or bewildered by something that Kamari said to i guess signal to Arlo that i'm extremely enthralled in what Kamari is saying so there's no way i could possibly notice him during a conversation like this.

Arlo walks somewhere and Malachi shows up. the first opener has ended, the second opener, yoshitee, has just called his last tune. At this point "reality" is setting in and i'm feeling extremely humbled. i have accepted things as they were: Arlo not worried about me, and I have to stop putting faith into Ty.

as yoshi and Cisco are switching bands, the dj continues and something made me look to my left and there he was. My heart sank. Ty lights up and gives me a hug. I couldn't believe that he was there! We watch the set together, so sexy feeling small next to a tall fine man like him.

Cisco's set ends, Devin dips out, Ty and i go outside to check our phones. We're just chatting a bit and then he tells me that the bass player was flicking Malachi off from the stage the entire show. (2:22). As soon as he says that we hear a fight break out between Malachi and Evan aka 13th Law. Jaylen's standing in the middle trying to break up the fight. Ty and i are frozen in disbelief unsure of what to do. Eventually security comes and kicks Malachi out. That was our queue to go.

right before we tell Jaylen bye, Ty drops a hint that he wants to go to a jazz club after. at this point i am convinced the universe is playing a trick on me. no way he's actually going to show up to something he made a commitment to AND want to hang out after?! Jaylen suggests some clubs to us and we make our way over to the west village (after a break where Ty debated meeting friends in Greenpoint but then decided to ditch them and hang out with me instead).

we take the L to 14th/8ave and while we rode the train together we covered every topic from the genius of MTV's "are you the one" to transformer tattoos. upon getting off the train Ty mentions he's hungry so we walk to his dad's restaurant. of course he knwos everyone there and they seat us at a super romantic circular corner booth in the back of the restaurant.

he orders for us. we talk about our crushes--which we both get interrupted mid spiel. him by the waitress, me by his FAHTER--drank french 75's and pornstar martini's. then his dad suprises us and joins us. i was so excited to meet him. he was intimidating like Max Kellerman. just super new york, nothing deserves that big of a reaction. but he was really nice to talk to and i don't know, something about having now met both of his parents i feel like maybe this will mean something later.

also sidenote: Ty has a kind of girly giggle that i think is so cute and a little high pitched.

after we leave dinner we decided we were both too tired to go to a show so Ty walks me to the train and we talk even more. this time about architectural digest and baseball stadiums. he waits with me for the train and then realizes he has to go to a different platform for his train. we say goodbye. he hugs me right arm wrapped around my shoulders when i'm met with his left arm giving me a gentle pat on my lower back. he tells me to find a jazz show for us to go to together soon.

this made me so happy. i really like him. i'm okay with us being just friends for now. i kind of like being the friend that he hangs out with one on one without his other friends. i don't really care to know them just yet. i also don't care to meet anyone he's interested in. i do think he has a baby crush on me. i pray that we explore that together soon.

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rosietaeyongswife · 3 years

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𝐢𝐟 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 | jung jaehyun

𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝗶𝘀: jaehyun and you are pretty decent couple. nothing wrong with you two. that’s what everyone thinks of you. but no one knows how hard life with drug addict is. 𝙩𝙬: drug addiction, face slap, [ i do not support any things here, it’s just pure fiction]

you always explain to yourself, that it is okay for him to be high once in a while, because that’s what people your age are doing. jaehyun likes being high, and that was fine for you, becasue you saw it as a stress reliever. also, your friends thought that jaehyuns likes to roll a blunt just to get rid of stress, and they didn’t know that their best friend is addicted to it, and day without thc or other shit, is day that doesn’t exist in jaehyun’s mind.

things that get your attention was first - he couldn’t go day without smoking something. he was everyday high, and his eyes was red. second - jaehyun was mad angry, when he wasn’t high. he needed to get something or he would explode. third - he was getting worse in univeristy, and didn’t care much about studies anymore. fouth - he stopped caring about you.

loud smack of the door wokes you up. you checked what time is it, and it was about 4 a.m. to said that you were angry wasn’t good, you were fuckin pissed off. you had lecture starts at 8 a.m, and you needed to sleep well to be able to think. when you were about to stand up, you could hear loud steps going towards your bedroom. door bust open, and your boyfriend appear.

“jaehyun?” you asked. “it’s middle of the night, what are you doing?”

“i need to sleep.” he said without answering. jaehyun went to lay down on your bed. “can we talk later? i’m tired.”

he must be kidding you.

“are you for real? it’s night, you wake me up, and you were supposed to sleep at jungwoo’s place.” you tried to pull him of your bed, but he was too heavy. “get out.”

“shut up, i need to sleep.”

“i told you to get out. you should come in quieter.”

“oh my god, just shut the fuck up already.”

he was mean to you, not thinking that he doesn’t respect your time, and your being. you were really mad now, so you tried to pull him of by legs, and it’s almost went good, but he reached hand to the floor, and it does stopped you.

“you know what?” you get out of the bed. “fine.”

you took your things, and went to living room. you won’t go to sleep now, cause if something breaks your sleep, you aren’t able to sleep again. you went to do coffee, and simple breakfast. two sandwiches and vegetables should be enough in your mind. this day will be rough.

“why you came alone?” your friend asked you, when she spotted you sitting on the hall. “where is jaehyun?”

you smiled softly. “uhm, i needed to be here sooner, so i’m first.”

“ah, i got it.” she smiled. “what are you wearing to johnny’s party?”

“what?” what party? you were confused.

“you don’t know? jaehyun didn’t tell you?”

“no.”

“ups.” she said. “jaehyun already said that he be going, and i thought he told you.”

“ah i remember.” you lied. “ya, i don’t feel good.”

“no, you need to come.”

“i’ll see.”

why did jaehyun never mentioned to you about any party? you always go to parties with each other, but now he didn’t tell you. when you were thinking you could see jaehyun going towards you.

“hi honey.” he kissed you, and you were confused. “how are you?”

“fine, i guess?”

“can we talk?” he looked at your friend, and then you. “please.”

“i need to go.” she wave you goodbye.

“what do you want?”

“listen, i’m sorry for morning.”

“listen, i don’t like how your addiction affects our realtionship.”

“what?” he looked into your eyes. “i’m not addicted.”

“that’s what every person addited to something says. i’m tired of your behaviour, or how you treat me.. us.”

“don’t say it.”

“but it’s truth. you don’t care. or what about todays party?”

“i didn’t think you would want to go.”

“dumbass.”

it was 11p.m, you didn’t go to this party, but jaehyun did. you thought that he would stay with you, but he choose fun over you. you couldn’t understand why he acts like this, why he can’t admmit that he is addicted.

half an hour later you got phone from mark to come, and pick up your boyfriend, because he did something. mark didn’t want to tell you, but in your head you had the worst thoughts.

view you saw made you sick. it was jaehyun puking out on the sideway. mark next to him sitting, and holding his little longer hair. when mark saw you he gae you little smile.

“he drank too much, and smoke again.” mark said. “why did jaehyun smokes so often lately?”

you could only smirk. “lately? he is addicted.”

“what?” he was shocked. “i don’t think so, he isn’

“i live with him, and he is high everyday.”

“ok, sorry.” he said. “some girl tried to get into his pants, but he pulled her away.”

“what?” you knew that jaehyun is hot, but everyone knew that he has girlfriend.

“yeah, i know. i need to go inside, can you take care of him?”

“yeah.” you nodded.

jaehyun was sitting, and looking like zombie.

“look at you.” you said. “your eyes red, and you are throwing up in front of johnnys house.”

“it’s fun.” he was giggling.

“you don’t care, don’t you?”

“y/n, i want to have fun, and you always destroy it.”

“stand up, i’m going to drive you to your parents.”

he stood up, but didn’t want to go anywehere.

“no, my parents are no fun too.”

“jaehyun, c’mon. don’t be kid.”

“can you for once in life, have fun?”

“man, you are wasted as fuck.” you screamed. “im tired of you, okay? fun? fun? you are addicted, you should go seek help! you ruin everything.”

“shut up.”

“you don’t see how it’s affects us?”

“i told you to shut the fuck up.”

“can you just listen to me and -”

you didn’t get to end what you wanted, cause hard smack on your face made you dizzy. did he.. did he hit you?

“shut the fuck up!!!”

“you dickhead. we’re done.” you hold tears in your eyes. “i see you on your lowest.”

when you were walking away, jaehyun realized what he did. he was mad at himself, and knew that he couldn’t go to you now. last thing he could do is to forget by his roll friends.

it’s trash sorry.

#jaehyun #jaehyun au #jaehyun scenrios #jaehyun fic #jaehyun imagine #jaehyun nct #nct #nct 127 #nct 127 au #nct 127 ric #fic #fanfiction #kpop au #kpop fanfiction #kpop fic #jung jaehyun

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goodguydotmp3 · 4 years

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two questions: why don’t you like harry and do you really think harry villanized the weed video or do you think that was the people attempting to court him (azoffs)

Whew, this is a long one folx!

Why don’t you like Harry [Styles]?

Let me preface this response by saying that I’m a pretty new “fan” if one can still call me that. I got into the One Direction fandom in the summer of last year, and much of my opinions of the boys where shaped by fan reactions. After gathering more and more information however, I realized that the fandom and I were wrong about some things, and over hyping others.

Still, it wasn’t until this year that I actually broke out of the Harry-centric bubble to realize that the shady goings on where much worse than I originally thought. Add to this my realization that Harry’s music really doesn’t withstand the test of time, and that his persona is pretty Stagnant, and I’ve come to feel rather bamboozled.

Of course I know that the entire point of his PR team is to sway public opinion of him one way, and if I ate it up that was part of the plan. That doesn’t mean I have to like it. It also doesn’t mean I feel any less hurt about it. It also doesn’t mean that I like when other people fawn over him, as quite a lot of what I’m going to say has been public knowledge, and some of it before I was even a fan.

A. Music

Actually getting to a big part of the problem here, his music isn’t good. Well, not long term like I said in the preface. He doesn’t really have much of a vocal range despite being a singer for more than ten years. He does not care and acts like he does, often leading to him sounding like he’s screaming instead of singing. He’s lyrics are boring and flat, and his melodies are fine, they just don’t make up for his unmemorable lyrics. I personally think that the cause is him more heavily relying on song writers to fill in more in more, but that’s mostly because I don’t want to believe that the same person who wrote Happily and Olivia also wrote At the Dining Table and Treat People With Kindness, because that would just mean he’s getting worse or putting forth less effort.

Of course one could argue that I’m not a professional, I don’t have the necessary Jargon to correctly critique, and I’m no longer a singer so I can’t even do what he does. But to that I say fuck off. I know what sounds good! I know what I like!

Even more than that though, If you bought a product (non food), and you could only use that product for the first two weeks you bought it, you’d say it was a shit product! You’d scream from the rooftops that no one should ever buy this product because it’s crap! Well guess what? I pre-ordered Fine Line just to listen for two weeks and never pick it up again except for golden, she’s a funky tune every couple months.

Besides the test of time, there is still the subject of actual talent/listenability if you will. I feel there’s four main categories when I listen to music that makes it worth listening to

1.Amazing voice

2.Awesome lyrics

3.Funky/ cool ass melody/Beat

4.Catchy as hell

Now, a song doesn’t need to be all four, however the more they have the more likely I am to like the song. Also, I’ve said “main categories” because I’ve definitely had songs were I just through the beat drop was cool, or maybe the bridge was sick as hell, or maybe I just liked the pacing or the way the singer/singers stressed a note. Alternatively there is a sweet spot for me of super depressing lyrics but a melody/ that makes you want to dance. See: most of After Laughter by Paramore, Lola By Mika. But in general, those four usually make me love a song long term.

If it’s an album, it usually Just has to sound like it belongs on the same album/ tell a story. Like I really don’t like albums that sound like it’s just a playlist of songs personally. I should be able to listen to a song and go “oh yeah, that’s off --- album” or I didn’t like the album as a whole. An album is a bit like an outfit to me. It’s not going to be all tops, nor does it need to be monochromatic, but it does need to go together

For Example, I love Four as an album. I thought it was amazing. I still hate Spaces and Illusion. I hate both of their melodies, I don’t like the Illusion intro, I’m not to keen on those lyrics, and they’re definitely not catchy, I skip every time.

So taking that logic to Harry’s music, I think HS1 works very well as an album, almost all of the songs sound like they’re supposed to be there. And I hate every song but Kiwi. The lyrics are boring/don’t make a ton of sense, the melodies definitely don’t make up for that, he doesn’t have the range, and none of them are catchy! And then you get to Kiwi and she’s got that vibe you know? She’s a pop punk bop and I cannot fucking believe that Harry has one pop punk bop among unmemorable pop rock album.

Going to Fine line, It’s not as great as an album. There are some songs that don’t really feel like they fit? Like just going through the album, cherry doesn’t have any business being there? Like the lyrics fit sure, but what is that weird intro and outro? It probably would have been fine If the song didn’t have those two, but having them there upset the pace a bit I felt. And then there was Treat People With Kindness, which was really Jarring and doesn’t feel like it belongs on the album at all? It actually feels like it’s trying to be Kiwi - it’s loud and garish, and the lyrics are trying to be carefree, but! It just doesn’t work! TPWK sounds like Hippie music! Kiwi sounds like Brendon Urie could sing it and people would be like “good ol Panic!”. And then the album goes back down into Fine line the song, which again is Jarring because you’ve had this TPWK monstrosity right before it.

Then, looking at the overarching theme of his music, It’s whiny piss baby music He hates to take responsibility for his actions! It’s all in his lyrics! And don’t get me wrong, I love Honest lyrics, but not if the person is an asshole! LIke I fucking hate confessions by Usher specifically becasue he’s talking about how much he’s a piece of shit in the most whiny and piss baby way, making it all about him and no the people he hurt. I also really hate that one song that Zayn did with Usher and Chris Brown, because you have these awful men completely misunderstanding what it means to write a love song, and then you have Zayn at the very end all like “actually I really am in love tho…” Esp Chris browns verse! It boils down to “Hey I know I was a asshole seven billion times but I miss you tho :(“ GIRL BYE!

Harry sounds the exact same though, Except he can’t even blame himself for his own mistakes, and just wades through self pity about how the object of his affection won’t love him even though he didn’t even do anything except it wasn’t his fault and why are you still mad it wasn’t even his fault and he was young and reckless and drunk and horny. Like??? WRITE A NEW SONG TAYLOR SWIFT 2.0! There’s only so much you can repackage the same narrative before it becomes stale no Cinderella does not count keep that shit coming. And It really jumps out in his writing, even through 1d, although I will say there were some catchy beats, and awesome lines to keep him afloat back then. Although wtf was Walking in the Wind??? Choke!

Then there are the melodies I’m talking post wondee here which often give this 70’s pop rock vibe. Which fine I guess, it’s his brand, but that doesn’t make it interesting. Or new. Or fresh. Or an interesting take.

Now I completely understand relying on nostalgia to boost people’s opinion, but you could at leas have the decency to actually have good music. For Example, Miss you by Louis Tomlinson has a very distinctive pop rock feel, but it’s also an amazing song. Great lyrics, amazing voice, catchy liddle diddy that happens to be reminiscent of that 2005- 2010 punk pop/emo pop feel. Sour diesel has that like,,,basey 90s pop feel, and it fucking works with the lyrics, and of course his voice is beautiful. When Walls dropped and Lou put out that playlist of songs that were an inspiration, you can hear the influences when you listen to the album, but they’re also really good songs in their own right, with amazing lyrics, and Louis’ distinctive voice. Comparing that to Harry, it seems like he’s mostly relying on people’s nostalgia rather than actually good music.

Okay so this last point I’m making on music is a little petty but it’s been like a week and I’m still pissed about it so I’m saying it now. Someone said that Harry Styles is the best pop rock artist right now???? Just admit that you don’t listen to pop rock tf. Louis Tomlinson is right there. Brendon Urie is right there. Mika is right there. Haley Williams is right there. Janell Monae is right there. I don’t listen to a lot of pop rock lol but i feel my point has been made

B. Public Persona

He get’s so much clout! SO MUCH CLOUT! For doing the bare minimum (this is not specifically about the fandom, that’s for later)! People will write all these glowing reviews of him for him??? Being polite??? Like okay and? Just because a person is polite doesn’t mean they’re fucking Jesus??? There’s a million and one stories so i’m not fucking looking them up but there’s the pizza story and the fish story and the plane story and the snl story and the Stormzy story and the WS story on and on and on! Stop giving this man brownie points for basic human decency. “I didn’t expect him to be like that!” okay is that because of their perception of what a rock star is supposed to be like? Because in that case we need to start holding people accountable for being assholes. Or is it because he seems like an asshole. Cause valid.

I also don’t like him leaning so heavily on the queer image thing. Like! If that’s how he likes to express himself, Fine, But so much of it is just...so manufactured! And I Know I’ve heard people say oh well he wore the one rainbow on his lapel that one time or he wore the shirt or he wore the Keith Harring.

1. That Rainbow pin is sus as hell I don’t care what ya’ll say It absolutely screams set up, if he wanted to not be seen he would have not been seen

2. That goes for literally every other time. I can’t believe it’s not a set up to push a queer image. (that he profits from!)

3. If he actually did his homework on Keith Harring he’d know that the man was a predator, and he wouldn’t have worn those shirts. It seems so performative! To add to that, does he know now? If so, why isn’t he using his platform to correct his mistake? Why didn’t he come out and let people know not to buy Harring’s stuff??? He knows the pull he has! He absolutely could have been like “I’ve made a mistake, if you are looking for queer artists to support, here’s some” But he fucking doesn’t

4. To add on to that last part, It is actually sus that he gets to profit off of this queer image, and yet the only queer voices that he’s propping up are white gays. And then not even directly? Not a “queer artists, esp queer artists of color are important and need their voices boosted because they are the back bone of society” but this wink nod type of deal, where again, he mainly boosts white gays.like??? One queer black woman that doesn’t work for the Azoffs, and then a bunch of white gays. Like?? That’s not racist to anyone else???????Just me? okay.

Now from a professional point of view, it’s even worse. I’m not saying that artists can’t be campy or blurr gender lines, or imply that they ‘re queer subtly. But I think it’s fucking disrespectful to play both ends. Like, he profits off of using the queer image, all while Dancing around the subject, but then on the back end he never says that Homophobes/Transphobes aren’t allowed in his fandom. He gives this empty ass tpwk and then washes his hands of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I am always upset when people who have lots of queerphobes in their fandom bullying and harassing the actual queer people never say anything to let queerphobes know they’re unwelcome (clearly money is better than morals) but for me it’s an extra kick to the gut for it to literally profit Harry to seem queer. Look at that time that gay company sold out shirts in less than an hour,because harry was wearing it and tell me people aren’t throwing money at him because they feel he’s queer.

C. Fashion

This one is a really rough one for me because this is partially what drew me into Harry in the first place. But he’s really not all that in terms of fashion. He’s expensive certainly, but sometimes, the things that are more expensive are worse. Even When He’s not looking like a grandparent out on the town, his style is very dated, and yet he gets paraded around like he’s the freshest new thing?? Like who is his team paying of for him to get that many articles about how he’s fashion’s biggest star. And the thing is, his style is even dated for the mainstream. There’s already a post about how he copies prominent pop/pop rock stars of the 70s, which means that his style is 50 years old for the mainstream. Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s totally fine if you’re addicted to seventies wear. I don’t think he should be heralded as this huge fashion star if his wardrobe is this dated

Even more than that. Gucci???? The Gucci with a history of Racism?? The Gucci with the child labor??? The Gucci with the 14 hour days Gucci??? Ugly ass Gucci????? Soulja Boy don’t even fuck with Gucci no more and he fuck with Gucci since like 2007. (although that was because of the racism, not cause it’s ugly)

I think that bothers me the most though. Like it’s not enough to exploit people, you also have to be tacky ugly and expensive???? For what??? @Gucci cease to exist please.

If Harry wants to be tacky ugly and expensive, that’s of course his rights to do so! But don’t act like he’s at the very pinnacle of fashion every time he does.

I’m actually always very conflicted about that. I personally prefer a style that’s very loud and campy and avant garde but like,,,,that ain’t it. Maybe it’s something you got it or ya don’t??? Like for example Billy Porter could wear a trashbag and make it work. The expensive sweaters and the slacks? The suits? Not a good look on one Harry Styles. Maybe it’s because they’re expensive sweaters and slacks and expensive suits. What are you, Ted from accounting??? Grow up.

D. Treat People With Kindness

Ugh this is the thing that pisses me off like the second to most. This phrase is so fucking empty. You could not have made up a more corporate mandated phrase if you fucking tried. It stands for nothing! Just like him!

Let’s break it down. “Treat people with kindness” is, at face value, a call to action. It’s asking you to do something. But it doesn’t actually tell you what to do!! So it’s pretty inoffensive! You don’t actually have to change your behavior in anyway for two main reasons:

1. What the hell is Kindness??? This phrase never actually says what it is??? It’s just this short little punchy thing that assumes you know what kindness is! What if you didn’t actually know? What if you have differing ideals of what is considered kindness? I mean to my mother, Misgendering me is kindness, but I don’t think that’s kindness. To my father, not letting his children have autonomy is kindness, but I don’t find that kind. And yet they could both use that phrase and feel confident that they go around treating people with kindness. After all they cooked dinner didn’t they? They smiled at Janice from public relations didn’t they? That’s kindness right?

2. It also assumes you know what “people” are. Queer people are people. Queerphobes don’t consider queer people, people. Racists aren’t going to consider some people, people. So they can continue their harassment and dehumanization of them and still be treating people with kindness, because they never harmed actual people (to them)

E. Harry bots

Bitch?? Corporate spies?? Tf ??? That’s not weird to ya’ll ?? I think the thing that shocked me more than someone from Colombia records admitting that he manufactures the hype around people signed to Colombia, is the fact that the Fandom been knew!!!! Ya’ll been knew and ya’ll wasn’t gon tell me???????? I just found out last week wtf????????

Another thing I don’t like about them Harry bots, is it’s one thing to hype up Harry, but why tf do they need to shit on the other boys??? Is it because they’re more talented, good looking, and charming??? How about you get good!!!! I esp hate that it’s usually Louis. What is Corporate’s obsession with putting Louis down like? What a bunch of fucking weirdos?? It’s not enough to be a Harry fan and live up his ass, I gotta hate Louis too?? You lost yo damn mind. If you reading this and you a spy? Die.

F. Capitalism

Honestly that should be the end of it but here the fuck we go I guess. Now I get that there is going to be some capitalism involved when you get music, especially mainstream music, there are tones of articles out there with people who used to be in the industry telling you about how fucking awful it is, all in the pursuit of money. (Which isn’t fucking real by the way! We made it up! People out here getting traumatized! Belittled! Bullied! Married off! So some corporation can make all the money! The Imaginary Credits! That we made up! I hate it here!)

But it’s another fucking thing to participate in a capitalist system? He invested into that one sleep app, even going to do one of the voice sessions (So you could have Harry Styles themed sleep paralysis) and you pay for that! He makes money off that! It’s not enough that you buy his mediocre music or his ugly ass merch, you also have to give him money through the sleep paralysis app.

Then there was that Google Camp for Rich People Only! I don’t even want to fucking hear that it was on Climate Change oh wow all the rich people took helicopters and Yachts to a resort with manicured lawns??? To talk about how they treat the environment? That’s not at all Counter intuitive! Not at all for show! Fucking disgusting.

Oh and the Covid Shirt! Really bitch??? You need to Profit off a deadly pandemic? Are you profiting off of AIDS next you fucking bastard. And he can of course get a tax write of for his “ charitable donation” fuck off.

G. Racism

This! This is the thing that gets me the most! YA’LL CAN EXCUSE RACISM???

No, I’m not talking about the Native American Headdress thing, that was plenty despicable on it’s own, No I’m talking about the on going racism. The whole, using black people for clout and then dropping them and never returning the favor when they sing his praises thing. Specifically I’m thinking of Sis the activist, Stormzy, and Lizzo.

The Lizzo thing pisses me off the most actually. I think it’s very fucking convenient that Harry started taking interest in Lizzo after there was uproar from black fans noting his hypocrisy of performing for Pepsi (Notoriously racist) and Having BLM sticker on his guitar. So he shows up at one of her concerts dressed like a senior citizen that got lost on the way to the retirement home bathroom. She looked fucking amazing and he couldn’t put forth the effort to at least not look senile. Then there was the covering of her songs, and then there was the cuddling up with her at the awards show. Funny how I haven’t seen any interaction after the fact! And Of course everyone forgot about the Pepsi concert! Fuck all the way off!!

Also! Are we just never going to talk about the fact that he didn’t comment on the blm protests earlier this year until his team could gauge whether or not it would be profitable to do so by DATA MINING HIS FAN BASE???? And then when he actually did he got the most praise for it, truly fucking hate it here. Also when he marched with those protesters he made sure we knew it was him. There were posts flouting around everywhere on how to best cover up to make yourself completely unrecognizable should you wind up on camera or fucking worse, get attacked by the police. Funny how Close Sprouse could follow the advice and not Harry? Also supper funny how he got the hell out of dodge before things got super bad and I have not heard anything on the matter since. Guess what Harry??? We’re still out here fighting for the rights to exist! Still wanna have a photo op while our own government tries to squash us with force????? This is like that Jenner Pepsi ad but with sunglasses and a pandemic.

H. Fandom

I think I would hate him less if I didn’t have to hear about him every hour of everyday. Stop Hyping this man so much. Even after unfollowing and blocking a bunch of Harries and Larries he’s all across my dash. And twitter. And insta. KURTIS CONNER FUCKING LIKES HIM I JUST WANTED CRACK CONTENT AND NOW LOOK.

I. Conclusion.

After writing all this I think the running theme is that Harry Styles isn’t even a person, he’s a brand. I do not like or trust brands! And I definitely don’t like being advertised to! Just like It’s fake as fuck when Absolut is all about queer rights, it’s fake as fuck when Harry does it too. Just like I know Target doesn’t actually care about Black lives, I know Harry doesn’t either. People are always like “oh he’s so nice!” no! He’s polite! There’s a difference. Zayn Is a truly kind person. Liam is a truly kind person. Louis is a truly kind person. It shines though so brightly all the time, and yet people are really out here worshiping the Brand Harry Styles.

Do I think It was Harry or The Azoffs throwing Zouis under the bus.

Truly doesn’t matter! Whichever one did it, Harry was totally fine with it! Which tells me that he doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. He’ll go along with anything as long as it gets him to the top, and that’s fucked up on one million and one levels

#hazza curly mchazzerson #This is like 4 thousand words #Have fun #Harry Styles

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sassy-pelican · 4 years

Text

Caught

Paring: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Premise: Seb catches the garter. You catch the bouquet.

Warnings: a lesbian wedding, language, um age gap (no specefic’s mentioned but reader and one bride are younger), allusions to sexy times

A/N: This was based on a private request. My first ever! Also, we are going to pretend this is not happening in the midst of a pandemic and Seb and Reader aren’t idiots who are going to a large wedding during this time.

I have been to exactly one wedding. And I don’t remember any of it. Singing also results in people thinking I’m crying so … I don’t know how to do that. We’re also pretending that this is a lesbian wedding (beacuse representation y’all) with a butch wife and girly wife because I live for that asthetic (not because I want a butch girlfriend or whatever or sometimes want to be the butch girlfriend, definely not that). Basically I have been given permission to write my dream lesbian wedding and I am running with it. I’m naming the couple but if you wish to pretend it’s something different go right ahead.

I also don’t know what kind of music is sung at weddings so I am picking my own kind. The song the reader is singing is More Than Words by Little Mix (with pronoun adaptations).

So this kinda ran away from me and I certainly didn’t intend for this to have as many sexual jokes and situations that it does but it happened.

This is unedited. Enjoy.

“Sebastian Stan x (non actress)reader where they met at their common friend's wedding and reader was the wedding singer as well, and for some fate Seb caught the garter and reader caught the bouquet”

Tagging: @cap-n-ce becasue this wonderful human requested this.

Considering that Natalie and Kate told you this wedding was only close friends and family you were surprised to see over a hundred people there. It wasn’t a problem really, just not what you were expecting. Even at the rehearsal there weren’t this many people.

“You’ll be fine,” your bandmate and fellow singer tonight, Steph says. “You always are.”

“I know.”

“You’ve got the song down and they love you. Natalie wouldn’t have asked you to do this if she didn’t believe in you fully.”

“It’s not them I’m worried about. Natalie and Kate will be fine no matter what, nothing phases them. The crowd is a different story.”

“The actual wedding is over, it’s just the reception now,” she says. “The hard part’s over.”

You roll your eyes. She is right. You’d already done the important stuff during the ceremony, which was more beautiful than you ever imagined. Everything decked out in pinks, purples, and blues, or as they called it - a pastel rainbow. You thought the colorful bottom of the dress and lapels of Kate’s suit were a nice touch.

“Let’s kill it,” Steph says.

“Let’s.”

Stepping out from behind the curtain, preparing for their first dance you. Steph’s words ring out as you sing harmony, filling the background as the music plays. Every eye either on you two or the bride and bride.

“When the sea, when the seasons change and the and the sun shines on-on your face yeah, I-I-I’ll be there with you, you you, you,” the words fall from your lips perfectly.

Steph looks to you as she sings, “You’re a part, you’re a part of me now ju-ju-just as mu-mu-much as I’m a part of you.”

Facing the dancing couple, both beaming, you continue to sing, this time together. “I find peace in every story you told. I think of you, I’ll never be alone. It’s true, true, true. You know I do, do, do.”

“Oh, I need you more than words can say. Girl, you save me in ways that I can’t explain. Always been there for me, now I’ll do the same. Oh, I need you more than words can say.”

“Won’t forget, won’t forget, won’t forget when she bro-o-oke my heart. Ho-o-ow you helped me through,” Steph sings, the dance slowly becoming more free.

“You turned, you turned, you turned a disaster into a dream. Gave me the power, made my life band ne-e-ew,” you sing.

“When the world try to break us, we found magic. And we grew stronger, through every line, line, l-line, line, line,”

“Every night, every night, every night I’ll stand and sing with you. Now-now they know they gon’ be alright, alright,” by now the lyrics are flowing from your lips with ease. Both you and Steph are dancing as you belt out the song.

“I find peace in every story you told. I think of you, I’ll never be alone. It’s true, true, true. You know I do, do, do.

“Oh, I need you more than words can say. Girl, you save me in ways that I can’t explain. Always been there for me, now I’ll do the same. Oh, I need you more than words can say.”

“I found peace in every story you told,” Steph sings.

“I think of you, I’ll never be alone.”

“Oh, it’s true.”

“You know I do,” you sing.

“Oh, I need you more than words can say. Girl, you save me in ways that I can’t explain. Always been there for me, now I’ll do the same. Oh, I need you more than words can say.”

“Oh, I need you more than words can say,” you finish.

~~~

As Kate bends down to peel the garter off her now wife, you catch someone looking at you. Sure, you knew they invited him, but just coming off a high from the song you didn’t notice him before now. Sebastian Stan was eye candy in every sense of the word. Natalie even admitted to both you and Kate that if she liked men, he’d be her type.

Still, even hearing the embarrassing stories Kate had from when they grew up, long before you and Natalie even entered the picture, didn’t deter you from your crush. Of course it didn’t help that you were half in love with James Barnes.

“He’s watching you,” Steph whispers in your ear, to which you twitch.

“Fuck you,” you hiss “You know I hate it when you do that.” She knew you hated when people whispered in your ear, it tickled and you hated being tickled.

“I bet you’d like it if he did it,” she teases. “Maybe while fucking you.”

You glare at her. “I’m trying to enjoy my two sexy friends having a sexy moment in front of a crowd.”

“Maybe if you weren’t so preoccupied with that,” Steph quips. “You’d be having hot wedding sex in the bathroom.”

“Hey!” you whisper-yell, “I’m only a slut sometimes.”

Kate tossed the piece of fabric and elastic in the blink of an eye, all while Natalie looked on with a slightly dazed look in her eyes, and you know that whatever took so long wasn’t innocent. It doesn’t escape your notice that Sebastian casually catches the garment and winks at you. If you weren’t a strong independent woman, you might have melted. As it was, your knees felt weak.

“Time for the bouquet!” Natalie yells, and you sigh. Personally you never got much out of the garter and bouquet tradition. It didn’t mean anything, not really. It was just a stupid thing to put pressure on people to get married.

Standing in the back of the crowd of guests waiting impatiently for the flowers to become airborne, you hope it never reaches you. You can feel Sebastian’s eyes on you as you take your place though, and you can almost feel the disappointment in his gaze.

They’d told everyone upfront that the lucky ‘winners’ of the tosses were to dance together at the party. And you wanted to dance with Sebastian, just not because of a stupid game. You wanted to do a lot more than dance with him if you were being honest.

You see it enter your peripheral vision and before you can think, you put your hand up. Fingers clasp around the group of stems making up the bouquet. Shit. Smirk adorning his face, Sebastian walks up to you.

“Think that’s our cue,” he says, leading you out to the dance floor, where Kate and Natalie are already starting to dance again. Everyone starts to disperse, as the brides stare you down, waiting expectantly.

“Think you can keep up Stan?”

“Think you can?”

~~~

He was right. You could hardly keep up with him. You’d lost count of the dances you had with him. It seemed like he refused to dance with anyone else and didn’t seem keen on giving either of you a break.

“Sebastian,” you gasp. “I need to sit down.”

“Can’t keep up?” he teases, pulling you close, hand brushing the top of your ass.

“Hell no,” you admit. “I don’t know what Marvel puts in your workouts but it’s more than what’s in mine.”

He throws his head back and laughs, the sound as melodic as any music you sing. And suddenly all you want to do is lick up the column of his throat.

“Alright,” he concedes.

You pull off your heels as you sit on one the unoccupied chairs lining the walls. “You know, for an old man you’re very spry.”

“Pulling that card are you?”

“Yep,” you reply, rubbing your feet.

“Let me,” he says, offering his own hands, much larger than yours to massage the knots out. You would never ask, but given that he’s offering, you’re not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

A few kneads in and a very sexual moan slips out of your mouth.

“Have a fetish you don’t know about?” he teases, still massaging.

“No,” you say, trying not to moan again. “My feet just really hurt. If you ever try to rub my feet while we fuck I will kick you out.” Your eyes shoot open, realizing what you said.

“Planning on fucking me are you?”

You can’t gage the look on his face. “Um … I’m sor-”

“Good,” he says, setting your foot down and pulling your chair closer to his. “I was planning on fucking you too.”

The air around you is charged with sexual energy. “Think it’d be rude if we left?” you ask him.

“If you don’t I’m going to gag,” Steph says from the chair behind you and you can’t stop the laugh from coming out.

Sebastian just sits there, pure shock on his face. “Well don’t stop the sexy talk on accound of me,” she says, “I’m not shy about being a voyeur.”

“Steph!” you scold.

“Oh fine,” she says. “But I come back and you’re both here,” she wiggles her eyebrows before leaving you alone with a shell shocked Sebastian.

“So,” you say, biting your lip. “Want to take her advice, minus the voyeur part?”

“Only if you can keep up this time,” he says, slipping out of his awkward stupor faster than you could imagine.

“Guess we’ll find out.”

2 Years Later

“You know,” you say as Sebastian looks at you from between your legs. “I never would have agreed to go home with you if I knew it’d lead me here.”

“Where, our wedding?”

“Damn right,” you say. “If I had it my way, we’d be going to the courthouse.”

“Yes, babe I know,” he says. “But let me take this off with my teeth will you, everyone is staring.”

“Oh fine,” you say. “But I am going to throw that bouquet with hate not love.”

“Yes dear,” he mocks you. Both of you know every word is a lie, but it helps your nerves. Having him this close to where you’re aching for him in front of a crowd, Steph smirking the entire time at you while Natalie and Kate beam, is a lot.

You bite back a gasp as he presses his face against you, kissing you lightly where you want him for hours, before moving down to take the elastic band off. “Fuck you Stan,” you whisper through your teeth.

“You will be,” he whispers. “Mrs. Stan.”

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan fanfiction

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luci-cunt · 4 years

Text

Hannigram??? Works???

aka: Hannibal and Will’s relationship isn’t healthy but at the end of the series its sort of has the potential to be? Or: a very long and rambly analysis of idiot gay cannibals and the power of equal standing in relationships

(1.5k words because I murder brevity with my teeth)

Trigger/ Spoiler warning for: Hannibal

-------------------

Ok I said they have the potential to be healthy and not that they are healthy because--lol, they’re not.

In the first season they’re “friends” but Hannibal’s also gaslighting the hell out of Will/ keeping a life threatening disease diagnosis from him/ framing him for murder/ shoving their daughters ear down his throat.

In the second season they’re almost enemies? but not really? Because Will is just as fucked up as Hannibal is so he doesn’t actually consider Hannibal to be his enemy, he just realizes he has Hannibal twisted around his finger and starts jerking the fucker around and it takes Hannibal all the way up to the finale to realize he’s not the one in control anymore.

In the third season they’re struggling because they don’t know how to be equals, they’re both fucked up and don’t know how to have normal, stable relationships so they’re jsut kind of feeling in the dark, falling back on old habits (eating your problems, murdering your problems, running away from your problems, etc) when things get uncomfortable. It’s--again--not until the season finale that they both realize that’s what they’re BOTH doing and find a comfort in realizing they’re both trying, but not succeeding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Hannibal finds people interesting he “fosters codependency” so they cannot leave him (Abigail with the Boyle murder cover-up, Bedelia with getting eaten, Will with literally all the first season). Meanwhile Will just doesn’t do close relationships. Alana is the only person he considers to be his friend but she’s constantly fighting to keep that title, same with Beverly actually. Will himself doesn’t put any effort into keeping those friendships, he leaves it entirely up to them.

But Hannibal and Will’s bond forms so easily that it surprises both of them--and then when Hannibal defaults to his need to make Will dependent on him so he can’t leave, Will defaults to his rejection of dependency and points out that’s what Hannibal’s doing but also goes along with it because he finds himself almost wanting to be closer to the man.

This--the fact that Hannibal’s attempt at closeness is recognized and accepted, and that Will is allowing himself to be open with someone--is new to both of them. Equally.

(By the way this is in the form of Abigail, Hannibal fosters codependency by putting the responsibility of Abigail on both his and Will’s shoulders and Will allows this by recognizing it, pointing it out [”You’re fostering codependency doctor.”], and then still allowing it [going along with the Boyle cover up].)

Just--ok think about Dolce. (The ep where they reunite in the third season and Will tries to kill Hannibal only to get shot by Chiyoh and then for Hannibal to decide he’s going to eat Will’s brain before the Italian’s show up and kidnap them both.)

Will finding Hannibal is big for both of them: because it means that Will looked for Hannibal--actively sought him out by reflecting on past conversations they’ve had--and it also means that Hannibal was where Will could find him. It’s a shaky apology on both sides because they aren’t willing to actually apologize for any of their actions but they recognize the pain they’ve caused on another.

However, Will tries to murder Hannibal because he doesn’t know what he’s doing. I mean--he does--what I mean is that this relationship is such unexplored territory for both of them that it’s uncomfortable at first, and Will doesn’t trust Hannibal to be waiting on the other side while he stumbles thru the dark rn, so he falls back on old habits and tries murdering the problem.

Hannibal tries to eat Will’s brain because he’s also falling back on old habits (eating his problems) because he’s also uncomfortable with the new territory. He’s just more open to fumbling, but he’s hypersensitive to rejection (Mizumono, Dolce, getting himself arrested when Will tells him to get gone, that “Was it good to see me Will?” scene, etc.), and he takes Will’s stabbing attempt as rejection. At least until he drags him away and they have their “you forgive like god does Will--would you have made it quick? Or would you have stopped to gloat?” “Does god gloat?” “Often.” Conversation, and he realizes he’s not being rejected BUT he reminded that he’s still terrified OF the rejection so--boop eat the man.

(Oh also Will running away from the problem by letting Hannibal kill him--which, yes, is what was happening. He could have warned Jack that Hannibal was under the table as SOON as Jack came in the door but instead he waits until the last possible second. Also you can’t blame it on the drugs either if he can complain about Hannibal’s soup and keep up with this idiots waxing poetic ramblings he can tell that Jack came in. Also also also: Hannibal told him Jack was coming and also got under the table literally there was no reason for Will to NOT call out to Jack when he came in except that he didn’t want Jack to stop Hannibal.)

I guess what I’m trying to say is that in season one the power balance is in Hannibal’s court--and season two it’s in Will’s--and then in season three it’s wildly rocking back and forth between both of them before someone hits a metaphorical pause button--aka the “this is all I’ve ever wanted for you--for us.” “It’s beautiful.” scene.

Fundamentally I think this show is about Hannibal and Will’s relationship. The cliff scene is as much an ending as it is a beginning. That “it’s beautiful” exchange is both of them realizing they’re EQUALLY having trouble finding footing in their relationship, they’re realizing they’re BOTH uncomfortable to a certain degree with the new territory and that it’s just that for both of them--new territory.

Idk, you know when you’re taking a test and you have no idea what the answer to some question is so you’re slyly trying to look around to figure out if you’re the only one being stupid or if it’s just a hard test? And you don’t see anyone else looking around so you just miserably try your best but it’s not your best becasue you’re already in the mindset that you’re an idiot? And it’s not until after the test at lunch when you hear everyone else talking about how difficult it was that you realize you weren’t the only one struggling?

THATS this.

Hannibal and Will are both extremely lonely people becasue they’re fucked up. No one can know Hannibal entirely because he’s a serial cannibal, and no one can know Will entirely because his boredom with other peoples mortality scares them. Neither of them have been seen entirely until the other came into their lives, but they’re not used to being seen so it’s scary.

Both of them react to one another hostilely first--Will blatantly being an asshole at the prospect of Hannibal psychoanalyzing him and then Hannibal putting on this guise of “I’m completely removed from the situation and just curious to wind this man up and watch him go” but he’s not removed.

Honestly to me it feels like it was originally Hannibal’s plan to just leave Will in jail taking the blame for his murders, but actually misses Will, because being seen was scary but the other option is so lonely.

Will’s going through something similar, but he’s less inflammatory. Hannibal is all action, present--Will is getting too close? Get rid of him. He starts missing Will? Get him back. He has a problem and he acts on it immediately.

Will is patient and willing to wait and watch--Hannibal frames him for murder? Set up an elaborate series of events that will end in Hannibal losing something he holds more dear than his own life--his freedom. Mason kills his unborn child? Convince Mason to kill Hannibal so that Hannibal will torture Mason for Will.

Hannibal is dramatic and Will is apathetic, they’re both danger but different brands.

If the first two seasons are them trading power, then the third is them wildly grabbing for it despite the fact that they don’t want power over one another, and that final episode--that final scene--is them realizing this.

I said it was a beginning as much as an ending because it’s now that their relationship can finally actually advance, but it’s also the conclusion of them working separately, and instead embracing the idea of fumbling together.

I honestly don’t know where people get the idea that the show is about Hannibal “corrupting” Will. If that’s the case then this final episode makes this show a tragedy. Good succumbing to evil.

But--motherfuckers its not!!!

Will isn’t good, he tells us from the first episode he enjoyed killing Hobbes, that the reason he stopped being a cop was because he knew once he started killing he wouldn’t be able to stop. He manipulates people constantly, he got Abel killed, tried to get Chilton murdered, and then a season later he gets Chilton burned alive. He’s not good, he’s fucked up!!!

This show isn’t about corruption--it’s about realization!!!

Idk I love them, I hate them, and I love them.

#hannibal #nbc hannibal #will graham #hannigram #luci doesn't shut up #akjs;dlfjasdklfj #lol when am I going to stop talking about hannibal?#never #akjsd;f;lajksdf;lkja #they're just--FUCKKKKK so interestiiiinnnggg #ok sue me

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futurewriter2000 · 4 years

Text

Girls play Games, Women don’t. - pt. 2

A/N: I love writing this so much already.

He has been following you like a creep. It was almost pathethic of him to try and find you alone but when he finally did, he found himself incredibly nervous.

You weren’t at breakfast, which made him incredibly frustrated becasue he only got up in the morning and went to breakfast so he could talk to you but in the end you weren’t there. He should have seen this coming, you usually came to class right before him. He was the last to come to class, you were the second last.

He didn’t know how he remembered that but like he had said before; he knew you.

He waited you to come to class but you seemed to be in a really bad mood. Your face was annoyed, tired and your hair was a mess. It almost made him chuckle at the realization how you remind him of himself. He hated mornings just as much as you did but something told him, you hated getting up early more than him. You buried your head into your palms and later fell asleep.

He couldn’t get you alone right after. The bell ran, he turned away for a second to throw his things into his bag and the moment he turned around, you were already gone.

“Bloody hell. How fast is that woman?.” he cursed under his breath, slinging his bag over his shoulder only to find himself standing alone in the hallway. “Bollocks.” he put his hands behind his head, looking around.

He didn’t have the next class with Slytherins until tomorrow and he was too impatient to just... wait.... like a normal human being.

So he stalked you and when he had finally found you walking down the corridor with your natural hair let down and your robe following you swiftly, he could feel his heart beating faster... his hands clammy.

He didn’t plan this. He only planned to get you alone, not what came afterwards but your hair. They were let down.

One other thing he noticed about you was that somtimes you changed your hairstyles after classes. He never knew why but every time you came to another class, your hair seemed styled differently.

You saw him standing down the corridor, frozen on the spot as you caught him watching you. He looked away, leaning on the wall and running his hand up and down on the side of his neck.

He was nervous.

You wanted to walk by but it was so obvious. You didn’t want to be fast and direct, so you decided to beat around the bushes for a bit. You stopped next to him. He was facing you his back, which sort of made you laugh.

“I think you forgot your invisibility cloak.” you started to tease, simply not being able to help yourself.

He turned around and found you smiling at him, your eyes in a coloured, twinkling crescent as your hair framed your face with their waves. He felt more relaxed, seeing you this friendly.

“Hah... uh... yeah.” he kept his hand on the side of his neck, thinking twice of what you said. “Wait- how do you know about the-”

“Everybody knows about Potter’s invisibility cloak. You twats aren’t really silent about your little schemes.” you let out another laugh, something that was extremely foreign to him. “So... you have been following me all day. Any particular reason?”

Talking about ‘beating around the bushes’ with you, (y/n).

“Nothing get’s past you, does it?” he quirked an eyebrow and you snorted, still waiting for his reply. He put his hands in his pockets again, causing you to quirk an eyebrow. “I wanted to get you alone but your possy seemes to be following you everywhere.”

“Says the one, who keeps to Potter like shirt and pants.”

He snorted, a bit amused by you. He had never talked to you before but when he did, as in now, you seemed to lure him into a playful conversation that seemed effortless and smooth. Usually, when it came to girls, he would find himself talking and teasing, them only blushing red and giggling but now with you, (y/n).

“So you do know me?”

“I know of you.” you crossed your arms over your chest and leaned back.

“Of me?” he mirrored your position, clicking his tongue. “Meaning?”

“Meaning, I know you hang out with those foud Gryffindors, comes late to class, talks back to teachers, never quiet, always loud, seeking for his prey-” you narrowed your eyes at him, circling him around and making him laugh. “- like a snake ready to be fed.”

He continued to laugh, tilting his head back. “You mean my sexual reputation.”

“Ew, no.” you grimaced, causing his to change his facial expression. “I don’t care about your sexual reputation. I care, why are you following me?”

“Why do you think?” he put his palm against the wall behind you, backing you against it.

You only snorted and removed yourself from his grip. “Wouldn’t know your intention Black for the death of me.” you shrugged, backing away a bit.

Why would you do that? It made him frustrated and entertained at the same time.

“I just didn’t understand how could your reason for rejecting my love offer-” he wiggled his eyebrows at you as he approached you, causing your eyes to roll one more time.

“Love offer?” you scoffed.

“- was the fact that you don’t know me when we have literally been classmates for all 7 years of Hogwarts and we even sat together at Astronomy in our-”

“Second year?” you finished, pushing yourself off the wall behind you and walking towards him as well. “I remember. Worst year of Astronomy for me.”

“Ouch.” he placed his hand on his heart yet not a single hint of offense was granted on his face.

“The real reason was that I just don’t like you.”

That was offensive.

“I don’t like you and I don’t trust you.” you shrugged, leaning against the other wall and putting one foot against it. “You’ve never talked to me before, I never talked to you before. I have my life, you have yours. You hate Slytherins, never tried to cover that one up. You play around with girls like some toys. Excuse me if I don’t want that.”

“Wow...” he furrowed his eyebrows, his temper rising. “Please, insult me more.”

“I’m not trying to insult you, Sirius.” you pushed yourself back to him, standing up straight and watching his piercing grey eyes glower at you. You softened your facial expression, took a hold of his arm, near his elbow and shook it a little. With your eyes glimmering in the light and your lips pushing up your cheeks, he felt a bit more relaxed. Your touch seemed to give a different kind of energy. “I’m sorry.” you shook your head, taking a step back. “If I offended you but I thought you wanted to know why and I told you too.”

“But that’s not me.” he felt himself blurt out as soon as your hand left his arm.

You felt surprised by his desperate tone but let out a soft giggle. “I thought we knew everything about each other.”

He cleared his throat, trying to prevent any other squeaks of his voice coming out his mouth. He wanted to speak but you cut him off, your eyelashes batting at him with tease.

“You’re not mad, are you?” you cooed, clearly enjoying this little entertainment.

He felt as if he was on the other side of this. He was never in this position yet with you, he was. “No.” he tried to supress a smile but it kept coming up.

“Then we’re good?” you backed away, smiling brightly.

“I guess.”

“So, no more stalking?”

He let out a snort. “You’re-” he tried to speak but couldn’t find any words to describe you. He only watched you back away with those sparkly eyes and that playful grin of yours. “Unbelivable.” he muttered to himself, his hand waving at you as you disappeared around the corner.

He turned to walk back to his dorm, his mind not even once taking a break from your twinkling eyes. He never saw eyes like yours. He never felt warmth like yours.

Maybe... maybe you really weren’t someone who he thought you were. Maybe you’re better than he imagined.

#Sirius Black #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #james potter #jamesp potter imagine #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #marauders #marauders era au #the marauders #marauders era #marauders imagines #marauders imagine

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lovestraykldz · 4 years

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icstay | chanlix

summary: it's another fall without him, and felix can't help but continue the habits he's started since the last day with chan. cw: implications of death i can’t stop thinking about you ,, rain taps the windows of the cafe as the door opens every so often; customers ordering, drinking, and leaving. the leaves resting on the cement outside become soaked and more fall from the rain pulling them. autumn’s crisp air visits the cafe with each customer, the place staying warm for only a few moments at a time. another fall without him. it doesn’t surprise me that more people walk in once school hours end. the shop is pretty well known around seoul as the menu doesn’t have much of a limit to it. he actually introduced me here our first year of high school. i take a sip of my earl grey tea and finish my coffee cake. outside, a high schooler says something to his friends and drops down to tie his shoe. he stands up and rushes to catch up to them, walking into the cafe seconds later. their group adds to the noise already bustling in the evening rush. i overhear one of them talk about visiting a pc room after they order and they’re all in. “i’m sorry. i can’t.” the others pester him as to why and he says, “my brother just got back home and he said he’s cooking tonight. i’ll go tomorrow.” his friends mutter okays and wave him goodbye as he goes home to his brother. my phone buzzes on the table and i almost feel something. hey, i just came back from uni. do you want to go out for a meal? my treat! i reply with an enthusiastic sure and turn off my phone when he says to meet him outside my complex at 18:00. after an hour or so, the cafe calms and my sister comes over from behind the counter. “hey,” she smiles lightly. i look to her as she sits in the seat beside me. nothing is said for a few moments until she sighs. “i have a date tonight, so,” she pauses, bites her lip carefully and continues. “i won’t be home until late. you don’t have to stay up.” i nod and take the last sip of my earl gray tea, taking it to the kitchen behind the counter. she follows me and asks if i’m mad. i shake my head. “why would i be mad?” the kitchen door opens and her coworker kihyun puts his things away as his shift is finished for the day. he leaves us afterwards and we’re in an awkward silence. “because it’s the fall..” she trails off and i can’t help but make a remark. “it being fall doesn’t mean anything. you find someone when you find them and you don’t let them go until you know. don’t make the same mistake i did.” the air stills and she looks at the floor like it’s the one she’s having a conversation with. i wash the mug and plate and leave them on the rack to dry. i look at the clock and it strikes a quarter to 18:00. “i have to go. have fun on your date. see you tomorrow,” i say and dry my hands, making my way home to change into something a bit more fitting for the occasion. i turn my phone on right before i walk into my apartment and jisung texts me a second later as i’d timed it. i’m downstairs! :) i reply an okay and slip on a pair of jeans, a white tee, my converse, and his hoodie. when i reach the front door of the building, i see jisung whistling and looking around. he sees me walk out and waves with a smile. “hey! how’ve you been?” he asks. i tell him the truth: okay. he nods and smiles as if okay was something spectacular to be. i ask him the same and says he finally got his own apartment and he’s going to adopt a puppy soon. he goes on about his future dog as we make our way to the restaurant. upon entering, the waitress at the front desk asks us how many and jisung answers a table for two. we’re seated after minute and given our menus. “your waiter will be with you soon,” she smiles and walks back to the front. i take out my phone and turn it off, setting it on the table beside my chopsticks. jisung notices and asks. something clicks and i ask myself like the protagonist in a drama, why’d i turn my phone off? “habit,” i answer simply and he nods, almost taking note of it. i stand by my action and keep my phone off but still ask myself why i’d turned it off. “felix,” he calls my name softly. i look up from my menu. “what’re you going to get?” he asks, tilting his head to the waiter waiting for me to place my order. “can i get pork belly and stir-fried rice cake,” i order and jisung follows with his and the waiter takes our menus, saying our orders will be up soon. he looks over at me with a slightly shock and confusion in his eyes. “you like pork belly?” he asks. i nod, asking myself why i ordered pork belly if i was already planning on eating stir-fried rice cake. do i even like pork belly? jisung seems to take note of this too, and he puts it aside bringing up how uni’s going. “it’s good,” i lie. i haven’t gone to classes since two weeks ago. my professors have emailed me saying if i don’t show up next week, they’ll either drop or fail me for the semester. i can’t tell him, though. he’s the only one treating me like i’m not broken and the moment he hears this i know he’ll try fixing it. he sighs, dropping his head and says my name as if i’m a child in trouble by his father. “have you even gone to your classes?” he asks, his eyes are now closed. i hum a yes and he looks up, a bit angered. “felix. please,” his expression goes soft. “tell me the truth. how’s uni? how are you?” he breathes carefully as if his breathing will push his questions to push me off the cliff. suddenly, finally, i feel something. i don’t know what to say. i want to say that uni sucks; that i’m not doing so well; that it’s getting harder to get out of bed again; that i can’t stop ordering the food he ordered on our dates; that i can’t stop turning off my stupid phone becasue without him i have no one i need to text; that all i can smell is his damn cologne; and that all i want to see his stupid face one last time. but all i can do, is cry. i don’t make a sound, and nothing falls, but the tears form heavily. he sees our waiter with the food and asks if we can get it to go. the waiter nods and goes back to place everything in containers. when he comes back with our take-out, jisung pays quickly and we leave. once we reach my apartment, he starts opening the bags. “do you want to watch a movie?” he asks. i agree and put on howl’s moving castle, hiring the volume enough so we can watch it from the kitchen table. once the movie finishes, we get up and i start clearing the table and sink for the night. “hey, jisung,” i mumble. he hums softly in response. i put the dishes down and let the water run as i ask, “how’d you get over minho?” i look over and he has his head down, maybe thinking. he looks up and smiles lightly, “i didn’t. sometimes, you just learn to live with the memories they leave behind. it took me a while to start smiling again,” he pauses and looks down again. “the last year of high school and starting uni weren’t the best. i couldn’t get up; i didn’t want to. all i wore for months was his cardigan he left behind.” jisung sighs and leans against the couch, still smiling softly. “i’d even check my phone a lot; i thought he’d text me or something. don’t even get me started on the pictures,” he chuckles. i let my head down and think, so, i’m never getting over him ,,? “thing is,” jisung continues. “it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. i know i didn’t lose him like you lost chan. can’t imagine what it’s like.. i’m sorry.” i shake my head, “it’s not your fault.” “it’s not your fault either,” he sighs, standing up. “i should go. it’s getting pretty late. i’ll text you. keep your phone on tomorrow?” i nod with a faint smile and he smiles back, waving and leaving to his place. i’m alone in my apartment for a couple more hours till my sister gets back, so i decide talk as if he’s still here. “hey, chan,” i try to smile. this is stupid.. but it’s all i have. “i hope you made it to the happy place you always told me about.” tears start bubbling up. “i miss you, a lot. i still wear the hoodie you gave me for my birthday. it’s still really soft,” i chuckle lightly. “i hope you’re not mad that i’m using your cologne on the hoodie.” there it is: the first tear i’ve let fall since that day. “i miss you so much, chan. fuck!” i let out, going to the ground. “how can i forget you?! i can’t stop fucking thinking about you!” i try to breathe, and let out one more cry. “i can’t stop thinking about you..” ☽ !disclaimer!: i wrote this without knowing if chan is passed or not, so i myself am not sure what the situation is.

#stray kids #skz #lee felix #bang chan #bangchan #han jisung #lee minho #lee know #minsung #chanlix #mlm #lgbt #gay couple #ff #stray kids ff #skz ff

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petracore101 · 5 years

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Well the Winter hate is making a comeback, so I guess it’s time I talk about her characterization in V7.

Buckle up folks. It’s a long one.

Winter’s first ‘appearance’ in this volume is as a projection, mirroring Ironwood’s position. She appears after him, echoing his authoritarian stance. But the first time we actually encounter her, she cuts in ahead of him, before he can even speak, to demand her sister be freed immediately. “Take those off before I start hurting you.” She’s still clearly Ironwood’s subordinate, but when her sister is at risk, she doesn’t hesitate to take charge, regardless of how it looks. I bring this up first because I think it implies right off the bat that Winter’s true motivations might not be wholly aligned with Ironwood’s. She trusts and respects Ironwood, and willingly follows his lead when it comes to the world. But that version of her- the obedient soldier- is a facade. One which is (temporarily) dispelled when someone she loves is in trouble.

Bringing me to my first point- Winter may try to present as cold and unfeeling, but she cares deeply for the ones she loves. She’s affectionate with both Weiss and Penny, and clearly loves them both a great deal. Her love for her sister or Penny has been the focus of most scenes she’s been in, despite the fact that she’s essentially Ironwood’s 2nd. She also quickly took to Ruby this volume, and seems to have a good deal of respect for her and the rest of Weiss’s teammates. Based on her reactions at the dinner party, she seems to think that RWBY is having a positive affect on Ironwood. And she’s incredibly proud of how far her sister has come, and of the family she’s developed along the way.

Which gives me my 2nd point- Winter both loves and trusts Weiss, and prioritizes their relationship over most everything else. Half way through the volume, Weiss and Winter get to really talk. @robynshill did a really good analysis of this, so I’ll keep mine brief. Essentially, they talk about their emotional journeys after leaving their family home, and Winter even suggests that Weiss join her in the Atlas military now that she’s free. But it’s Winter’s reaction to Weiss’s concerns about Atlas/Ironwood that interest me most.

Winter first reassures her sister that Atlas will soon shift it’s focus to helping the rest of the world. “We will. Once we’ve weathered the storm, we will.” She defends the general, but also, crucially, acknowledges that he’s made mistakes. “I know the general hasn’t done everything perfectly, but he’s doing what he thinks is right.” Already, she’s willing to reveal to her sister that she has some amount of doubt about their current course. Her focus here is on doing what’s right, and at this moment, she believes that Ironwood knows what that is better than she does. When Weiss questions that assumption, and his decisions to hide things, Winter instinctively doubles down (almost like she’s been groomed to defend him). “Ironwood isn’t keeping secrets. Not from me.” But Weiss knows what that sort of dedication often means, having only recently shaken it herself, and she keeps pushing. And Winter, because she’s not just some lapdog, and because she loves and trusts her sister, considers it. She’s past the instinctive reaction now, and trying to decide if she is really sure that Ironwood trusts her with the whole truth.

She’s let’s herself look worried, and actually unsure for one of the first times in the whole series. And then she decides to share a secret with Weiss. Likely a secret that Ironwood has not cleared her to share, given that neither Winter nor Weiss bring it up again, and no one is shown telling the others.

The way she presents the maiden info tells us that (point 3) not only is Winter conflicted, but she is only able to move past that conflict becasue she believes this will allow her to do good. The moment we see between Winter and Fria is bittersweet. Winter, at first, is sweet and gentle, but her face turns sad and almost remorseful as they sit. This is clearly not a responsibility that sits easily on Winter’s shoulders. Back with Weiss, she explains that it was difficult to come to terms with, but “the more I thought about it, the more I saw it as a privilege. A chance to do some real good. For Atlas, for Remnant.” This may not be exactly what she wants, but she does want to bring good into the world, the whole world, not just Atlas. And she doesn’t use Ironwoods language here- her goal is not simply to protect. Her motivation is ever so slightly different- she wants to do real good.

It’s important for her that, despite having been groomed for the position, she sees it as her own choice to accept it. “I’m choosing it now. I’ve made it my own. And I take great pride in it. That has nothing to do with father, or the general. That belongs to me.” When she mentiones her father, her face grows defiant. When she mentions Ironwood, she looks down and away, as if ashamed. And when she claims it as her own... she gives Weiss this look:

Pride, hope, acceptance, but also some sadness. She is glad for the chance to do good, but she also needs to believe that she is doing it on her own terms. She’s proud of having found a way to do that, proud of having carved out her own destiny in life. This isn’t something she’s doing for Ironwood or anyone else, she’s doing it for herself, so she can be the person she wants to be. But, on some level, this choice makes her sad. Sure, Ironwood’s trust and acceptance matter a great deal to her, but what she truly wants is the agency to choose to do good. And some part of her isn’t sure that this is the way to achieve that.

There’s one more scene I need to talk about before I make my final point, and it’s one I think is widely misinterpreted by most of the FNDM. So bear with me.

After election night, when Ironwood & co are discussing next steps, it’s Winter who brings up the possibility of martial law. Now, I’ve seen a lot of people go after her for this, and I get the frustration, but I do not think she suggested it because she wanted him to take that course. I think she did it to make sure that someone would talk him out of it.

See, I don’t think it was by accident that she brings it up right next to Nora (who’s been advocating for Mantle from the start) and Ruby,(who’s thus far been pretty effective at getting through to Ironwood). If she wanted to convince him to declare martial law, she could easily have waited until the kids left. But I think she knew he was already considering it (I mean, he didn’t sound very surprised when she raised the possibility), and didn’t think he would listen to her (or any subordinates) if she tried to convince him not to do it. But Nora and Ruby? Of course outsiders, especially ones who’s trust Ironwood wants to earn, would have a much better shot at convincing him. So she brought it up right in front of them, ensuring that they’d do all they could to talk Ironwood down from that ledge. Which is exactly what they do. And she watches without ever trying to stop them, looking concerned at first and vaguely satisfied when then succeed.

Winter’s been in the military most of her adult life. She likely knows Ironwood better than anyone, and would be well aware of his mental state. She’s shown repeatedly that she’s not nearly as blind a follower as she pretends to be. And though she cares deeply for him, it ultimately does not take precedent over her love for Weiss (and quite possibly her love for Penny as well). Her moral code, too, differs from his. Her focus is always on doing good, while his goal is to protect. While those two things have been mostly aligned up til now, this last episode changed that. [spoilers for ep 11 ahead]

Ironwood’s just given her a choice between continuing to try and do good in the face of potential disaster, or doing bad things to more reliably protect (some) people. With his ideology, that choice may seem simple. But Winter doesn’t share that ideology. She wants to do good, and that makes the choice more complicated. To make this worse, she now knows that Ironwood has turned against Ruby, and, by extension, Weiss. And she’s with Penny, the protector of Mantle, who I have no doubt will choose to side with the people she feels responsible for, not the man who gives her orders. Essentially, all the people Winter loves will make the choice that her own beliefs tell her is right and good. But to make that choice, she must reject the man who gave her a place and a purpose.

RT has done impressively well with the arcs of abuse victims so far (with Blake, Weiss, and even Willow/Whitley), and I don’t think they’ll falter with Winter’s. Her emotional journey thus far has been about learning to make her own choices, take agency over her own destiny, and embrace her family and the ones she loves. For her to side with Ironwood now would not only mean abandoning that family and character growth, but also betraying her core ideals and the foundational beliefs that make her who she is. And I just don’t see a fantasy hope-punk show like RWBY writing that kind of story.

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princelestatdelioncourt · 3 years

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The plastic square utensil vibrated in my pocket. It was my agent.

“Lestat, This is your agent Laurent. I would need your signature in able for me to finish the transfer to be completed. Would be possible for you to come to our location?” His voice was a little shaky. Why he was trembling? I didn’t like these calls so much and he knew that.

“You can sign these for me, I gave you the authorization.” I simply replied

He then gave a long list to what would happened if it was not me signing it, so I finally agreed. Not that I wanted to go to have this meetings but that transfer needed to be done.

“You know my schedule. I will meet you there in 1 hour” I replied

“Yes, absolutely, I will be there Sir” he said and seemed like he was already rushing.

“Alright, I will see you then” I hang up

Obviously it will only take me five minutes to get there. Flying. Wondering if I could follow him, Just for fun. So I did. I went straight to where he was. Saw him driving with his car on high speed. I jumped from building to building, I could listen to his heart racing and his eyes back and forth checking the electronic clock on the car dashboard. He was late and I could not but smirk thinking about the way he was feeling becasue he thinks I would be disappointed. I was one of the big customer he had, so he always treated me like so. Very important, always attentive and a secret I knew, he liked me. But all that, tonight, was a game for me. I didn’t care on if I was the biggest customer he had or if he was late. I had all night and I thought this was simply fun.

I landed on a dark alley next to the building and walked towards the main door and awaited for him, leaning against the wall with my arms crossed. Sunglasses over my eyes. Staring at him with no expression on my face. Just staring. He saw me and he rushed even more. How much I wanted to smirk, to hold him by his arms and to tell him I knew and I liked him as well but I held it. I just stared at him with my arms crossed.

“Sorry I am later…traffic…here…lets go it, it only will take a minute” he was rushing to open the door and hold it for me.

All was extremely fun but I continued with my cold appearance. I walked into the massive lobby, marveled floors, so shiny one can see itself reflected on it, huge columns of shiny marble. The elevators at the very end of this giant hall. We could only listen our footsteps and me, as vampire, I could hear his heart and see these small drops of sweat on his forehead and face.

I walked beside him and he pushed the button to the elevator. So ridiculous I was doing all this but again I found it extremely entertaining.

The mirrored square box arrived. I looked at mysef on these clean mirrors when the doors closed. I looked at my wavy hair almost white under the fluorescent light, my dark sunglasses, my pale skin on my cheek and hands but nothing extremely white he could suspect anything. My blue wool coat, black pants and shiny boots. Not bad, Not bad at all. Still looking like a dandy Lestat. And my dear agent beside me. No words came from him but I saw him looking at me a couple times, immediately getting his eyes off me when he thought I was looking at him. I could read his mind so easily, he was so impatient to get to the office and get it all done and nervous I was there. Once again, I felt to let it go and laugh and even have a little drink with him but I didn't move.

Finally we have arrived to the 23rd floor. He held the door for me and I gave him a small node to thank him for that and walked pass him. He walked fast in front of me, so he could get ready his keys and open the door for me. My eyes followed him, his hand trembling. Dear God, I was that scary looking? And poor Laurent , if he knew what I really am, he would just run not desiring to look back at me again. That finally made me smile but I doubt he noticed that slight move on my lips. Too small for a mortal to see.

I walked into the dark office hall. So elegant yet cold at the same time. All in greys and blacks. Dark carpet, dark walls but the lights made it all so perfect combined. He told me to follow him to his office and so I did and gestured me to sit down on that modern cold, ugly black leather chair with steel frame.

I looked at his desk. Papers here and there and a pile of magazines and he finally found the paper I needed to sign. Ah finally! Let’s get it done so I can get out of there. He pointed me where I needed to sign, not even daring to look at the paperwork. I trusted him enough to sign without reading what I am signing and as soon as I left the pen on the desk. He told me he was going to make some copies so I could keep one and he could keep the original. But something distracted me. Something I saw on his desk. Something that made me feel a dead cold chill down my spine.

I could not but stare at that image and that name. Over and over like if I was hypnotized, shocked, lost, everything in that room dissipated but that name. Alessandro Visconti. Don’t ask me what or why I felt like that. But I did. That name. I just stared at it holding the paper in my hands. Seated on that uncomfortable chair and my eyes just fixed at that signature.

I’ve heard Lauren coming closer and talking to me, saying the copy was made and giving it to me but I really did not care. I continued staring at that signature.

“What is this?” I asked him so cold, direct and with deep voice. Still with my eyes on that signature. He looked down at what I was looking at.

“Oh! It is one of our customers Sir. A music producer. Very good customer of ours as well Sir” he replied standing on the other side of his desk. The word “music” send me more chills down the spine but I continued so like paralyzed looking at that signature “Have you never heard of him Sir?” he asked me with his most amicable voice “He is very talented producer and composer.” I felt I needed to leave that place. I needed to feel the air. I needed to go. I was getting upset. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the name, the meaning, the familiar words, the signature. I looked up at my dear fellow agent eyes and I stood up still holding that paper in my hands. He opened his drawer and grabbed a CD.

“Here, his latest album. I am sure you would enjoy it Sir. Give it a listen. You can keep that copy. He always brings me one when he is in town” I stared at Laurent, feeling like I could start with thousand questions about this music producer, and I did not dare to look into Laurent's mind to find any images of this musician. I did not. I would not. No, thousand times no.

I grabbed the CD and I put it in my inside pocket. Surprisingly big enough it fit. I needed to go, I needed to go out. I could not bear to stay in that room anymore and now my mind could not stop thinking on this.

I thanked Lauren for his services and I left. I walked towards the stairs that lead to the roof top. The hell no, I would not take the artificial mirrored box to lift me up or down when I could just fly anywhere I wanted.

I reached the top floor and I unlocked the door with the mind gift. Finally the black sky, the stars, the air, crisp. The night surrounding me. I walked slowly on that roof top, just listening to the city down below me, cars, people, minds… but I could not stop thinking of that name.

I went to the edge of that tall building and I stood there and looked down. People walking on the side walk, cars, street lights changing colors, the shops still open. All alive, the Savage Garden alive and unaware that a monster was looking at them from this tall glass building. And suddenly, I lifted and I went up and up to the stars.

I flew for a long time, with no direction and when I ended up bored of that, I just went home. I was glad no one, no other immortals where around because I did not want to talk to anyone. I needed to be alone. The balcony to my chamber was open, as always, my easy way to get in and out. So I landed there and went in.

The room was warm due to the fireplace. I walked towards my bed and laid there looking at the damask ceiling. The golds and reds. And I remembered again about the name and the CD I was still keeping inside my jacket. I took it off and I looked at it. The cover had man hands on dark background, what it seemed to be wearing damask clothes or rich reds and blacks colors on a thick jacket and a silver ring. A ring that looked like claw engraved with fine lines. So very similar to one I owned 200 years ago and long lost during these nights where I almost perished in hands of my beloved vampire child Claudia. I opened the plastic lid and looked at the shiny CD, seeing my reflection on it but my eyes caught his name again.

After a few moments just looking at the insert picture, I finally stood and went to the shelves where I had a modern audio system. I inserted the CD. The music suddenly started. Classical yet contemporary. One perfectly could hear every instrument on that song. So clear, so perfect. I laid down again and closed my eyes, my hands behind my nape. One song after another I listened with a blank mind. But one song awoke me. It was just a violin. I opened my eyes abruptly.

God knows how many times I have listened someone to play a violin, how many concerts I have assisted but this song, This violin. This…was not what I have usually listened to before but just once. Once so many years ago. Once from someone I have trusted and loved. Once…long long ago. My mind was racing on thoughts and images. I was insane? How could I even think of that? It was a door closed even I still had it all present in my mind. How could I ever think of a possibility? No, can not, No is not. Lestat are you insane?!. Yet a small part of me was torn, hurt, sad, and mad remembering it all.

I grabbed my jacket and I left the room, flying again. I left with the song playing and even I was far away I could still hear it. I felt the cold air on my face and that helped me to feel sane and think clear. But I could not stop now with questions.

Why? Who is this musician? How it’s possible?.....where are you? I asked with no sounds just for me flying around until the sun was almost out.

Returning to my chambers, the music thankfully was done. I could not bare listen to it again. I closed the double thick velvet curtains. And I laid on my bed under the covers. Enough of this, dreams take me to where I can’t think if this anymore. Bring me to a safe place.... and so I felt how the sun was out and my body was more and more limp until there was no more thinking but dreaming...

@monsieur-nicolas-de-lenfent //You have inspired me once again and I wrote this. Could be an epic re encounter or could be just left as it is. Thank you always for inspiring me.

#lestat de lioncourt #nicolas de lenfent

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janevx · 4 years

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𝑝𝑠𝑦𝑐h𝑜| h𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑔 h𝑦𝑢𝑛𝑗𝑖𝑛

genre:

wc: 2,7k

warnings: cursing, sex mentions, death mentions

mafia au, psycho au, hyunjinxreader

summary: you have never thught that you would became mafia member guy. someone who murder people for living. hyunjin never shows you that he loves you. he is always cold towards you, but for real? he loves you the most in the world.

author’s note: i’m planing to do headers soon, so it will be look more prettier! also, i was thinking about making reactions with kpop male groups? what do you think about it? also, i’m sorry for late uptade of yuta’s “maybe”, im sorry! btw, you should watch this fancam. hyunjin’s fancam made me write this.

hwang hyunjin was aways known as a cold person who usually doesn’t give a fuck about others. he has his member and sure, he likes them and care, but when it comes to someone else he was very cold. i mean really. also, he has no mercy for his victims. his gaze always do everyhting. people were afraid of his gaze, becasue it’s really scarry. always in black or black-red clothes with his long blonde hair (from god’s menu era) make people afraid of him. he totally loves this. love this that people were afraid of him and he has control.

you were just student who has happy life with no worries. you had everything - lovely family, cool and “true” friends also even a boyfriend who loves you and took care of you, but one day everything has changed.

you were at club with your friends who had time of theif lifes. you were a little bit tired, so you took a seat by bar. you didn’t even know when blonde guy approach you.

“why are you stting here alone?” he looked into your eyes and you could swear that he was the most handsome boy you have ever seen.”are you listen to me?”

“i’m little bit tired just it.” you smiled a little.

hyunjin didn’t know why he approach you. he was watching you from the start of the party and he couldn’t stop. you looked amazing and really attract attention, especially from him.

“but you shouldn’t sit here. maybe in the living room? you don’t even know what a kind of people you are around with.”

“what do you mean?”

“nothing, just take it as warning honey.”

when you were about to open your mouth someone interrupt you.

“ey yo, motherfucker. leave my girlfriend alone or i’m gonna kick your fuckin ass, you pussy.”

you could hear your boyfriend. you were embarrassed because of y/b/n. he was really jealous sometimes with no reason and agressive towards strangers.

“y/b/f chill out! we were just talking and you offenisve him! just stop.”

“y/n shut the fuck up for once. this guy flirts with you and you like it?”

hyunjin couldn’t help smilling all the time. it was his devilish smile. he was fuckin pissed of because you had a boyfriend and also this piece of shit wasn’t afraid to yell at him. he promised himself that he will kill y/b/n.

“isn’t it very nice to talk your girlfriend like this asshole.so, y/n, you don’t have to be sorry because of your fuckin boyfriend. it was nice to meet you.” hyunjin turned around and face your boyfriend and whisper to his ear. “i hope you going to know with who you mess up with. you are already dead.” hyunjin smilled at your boyfriend and left.

you were kind of person who doesn’t like when someone is treat like shouldn’t you were mad at y/b/f. you shook your head and leave just to go to boy who warned you to be careful. your firends couldn’t belive how you act.

“ey wait! i’m really sorry for this jerk. he is sometimes too agressive towards people.” you were smilling lightly “i hope you can understand.”

“why are you two dating?” he asked with smirk on his face “he is asshole towards you.”

“u-hm.. he loves me and i l-love him..”

“aish, love. okay. thanks and don’t be sorry.” he smiked “i hope we be able to see ourself once again.”

“yeah, totally.”

he left and so you. you came back to your boyfriend with different feeling. who the hell is this guy?

🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀

since this accident it’s been month. your boyfriend apologized to you hundred times. you couldn’t be mad at him for too long.

today it’s your day off. you wanted to surprise your boyfriend for being sonner at home with some cookies. bc, who don’t like cookies? you opened the door and you hear some sounds. like.. moans? did your boyfriend was pleasuring himself? it wasn’t from, of course no! but at the same time you could hear woman’s moans. you were schock and mad as fuck.

you walked in into your bedroom and you started crying. there were your boyfriend with your bestfriend having sex. when they saw you they were shock and embarrassed.

“what the actual fuck y/b/n?! y/f/n? really? you two fuckin bastrads! i’m leaving!”

“no, y/n wait!”

“fuck of!”

they left your bedroom. you took suitcase and pack all your stuff. there’s no way to you that you stay any longer in this home. the two most trusted people cheat on you. you couldn’t belive how naive you were. but to your surprise you didn’t feel pain. you were just mad that they did this behind your back. did you really love y/b/f name?

when you were done, they try to stop you, but you can’t. you left your place and with no idea, you were walking. you were walking until you saw black prestige car that followed you for pretty long. you started feel fear, so you moved faster.

“y/n!”

is this possible to be this blonde guy from club? you turned around and saw this guy parked his car and walk towards you.

“it’s you.”

“i’m hyunjin.” he smilled “what are you doing when it’s raining and with suitcase?”

“uhm, it’s not important.”

“it is. what happend?”

“my boyfriend and best friend had sex in our bedroom, when I was there with cookies. now i’m betrayed, alone with cookies and with no idea what to do with myself.”

“c’mon, go with me.”

“what?”

he laughed at you.

“come to my place. you can stay.”

“but I don’t know you well and basicly you are stranger to me.”

“just come with me. i promise i’m not gong to hurt you y/n.”

you didn’t know why did you agree to come with him.

his house was pretty big and expensive. you didn’t know what he is doing for living that he has so much money. he showed you all home and give you some food.

“woah, i din’t expect it from you.”

“what? my house?”

“yeah. it’s pretty big and you know. what are you doing daily?”

“you going to know one day, not today. you be sleep in my bedroom, ok? i will be sleep in living room.”

“no, no! it’s your home, i’m only geust.”

“y/n. don’t make me angry, please. just sleep in my bed.”

you simply nodded. you two were talking a lot before it was bed time for you. you changed your clothes into something comortable (paJamAS) and goes to the bed. you lied down and slowly fall asleep.

“good night y/n”

you fell asleep, but you have no clue what was happening in same room. hyunjin was watching your for few hours and touch your face. he was fascinated in you. for hyunjin you were just like goddess. he couldn’t help but stare at you. and your body in this pajama was hot as fuck. you have to be his no fuckin matter what.

🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀

weeks passed and you still were at his place. hunjin asked you to move on with him. you weren’t sure but you agreed. your family and friends told you that you are crazy for doing this. but you didn’t care, becasue hwang hyunjin had something about him what makes you want him. you noticed that he is very, very cold person, but to you he can control this.

one day you came to home an hour earlier than you should. you walked in, but seems that hyunjin didn’t noticed you. you were about to say something when you heard devilish laugh that stops you.

“and what? you fuck with wrong person.”

“i’m sorry! really, i can give you all my money,”

“take money and pour it into your asshole.”

“hyunjin, please! i’m sorry!”

“i have no mercy dumbass.”

you could only hear a shot. you frooze. you couldn’t move, because of this what you heard. you couldn’t control how you were breathing. hyunjin could hear it too and only thing he could do was his curse.

“y/n? what are you doing here honey?”

“you killed someone?”

“babe, listen.”

“i’m not your girlfriend.”

“belive me, you will.” he smirked when he take his gun pointing at you “better take a seat.”

you did it with fear in your eyes.

“will you kill me?”

“of course no! you are to preacious to be dead.” he smirked “you asked me one day what am i doing for living. i’m in mafia. i bet you know who stray kids are, right?” you nodded “i’m basicaly member. but you don’t have to be afraid of me. i take good care of you, don’t i?”

“you do, but it’s ..it’s scarry.” you were about to stand up “i have to go and leave you. i can’t live like this.”

“don’t fuckin move.” he reloaded the magazine “i really donj’t want to kill you.”

“i’m sorry?” you were scared “but..it’s you who killed my ex?”

“who else honey? he messed up with wrong guy. i don’t fuck with them all. and also, you can’t leave me honey. you love me.”

“no, i don’t!” you lied

“okay, so leave now. i know that you would come back to me.”

you took al of your thing and you leave his house.

it didn’t teak you so long to come back to him. you didn’t know what happend to you. after you left you was feeling kind of missing? you missed him so much and you couldn’t deny it. you didn’t care that he is in mafia. you loved him it was this what matter. you know him about half a year. you love him from 5 months.

“oh look who is back.” hyunjin smirked “what should i do with you honey?”

“just let me fuckin in and talk.”

“how confident you are honey.”

to say that hyunjin was happy wasn’t enough. he was extra happy. he loved you from begginign and this time about week you were without him he was watching you. you both loving each other as psycho and you two couldn’t stop.

“i missed you. i don’t care about mafia.”

“oh, you changed your mind?” he smirked

“don’t tease me hyunjin. just tell me what to do. leave or stay. what are you feeling towards me?”

“you want to know what i feel towards you?”

“yeah, this is what i said.”

“this is how i feel towards you.”

he pinned you into wall and kiss you. deep and with passion. you couldn’t help moans that escape yours mouth. both of you waiting really long to this happend.

“i love you y/n. but i have some rules.”

“i love you too.” you smiled “which rules?”

“i can be really jealous so don’t try me honey. you are only mine and i can use you as i want to. in bed you gonna call me daddy or sir, got it?”

“why?”

“because im in charge and you love mi too much to disagree.” he smirked “don’t be rude to me, because you gonna face consequences. you have to love me and only me.”

“all for you.”

he smiled to himself and then you were at his lap. kissing so desperatly and deeply like you have never. your one hand in his blonde hair and one hand on his shoulder. when his one hand was at your booty and second hand on your breast. he gave you light squzees. it was really pleasure you and you try to be queit.

“i want to hear you. moan to me y/n.”

“m-my god..hyunjin!”

it didn’t take you two so long to undress each other. he was focused at your body sight. he was amazed by your curves and hell, he loves you even more.

“remember how to call me. i want to hear you kitten.”

“yes daddy.”

with this he thrust you so rough. it was hard at the beggining but with time you feel pleasure. he fucks you so good and no one could disagree.

“i can feel your thight pussy cleanching around my cock kitten.” both of you could hear your wetness sound “you hear how wet you are for me?”

“i’m close!”

“you can’t cum until i agree.”

“please, daddy please. please, let me cum!”

“you wasn’t be a good girl to you daddy.”

“daddy please, i can do anything.”

“okay, you gonna suck me off.” he smiled “you can cum babygirl.”

so you did with loud moan. you7 were shaking because how good he fucks you. when you done you have to take his cock. it was really big and you couldn’t take him all. you were sucked him off really good like pro.

“m-my god. i love you so much y/n, my little kitten!” he cum with groan “swallow this sperm babygirl.”

so you did again. after this he left you to clean up yourself. he isn’t the guy who cares, you know it, but he come back to you to kiss your forhead and fall asleep with you.

🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀

life with hyunjin was quit hard to you. you really love him, and want to show him, but he doesn’t give a fuck about your love - it’s your thoughts. it’s been another half a year. you two been trough a lot and it makes you two special.

hyunjin came to home from his work a little bit angry.

“i did dinner if you want to you ca-”

“y/n shut the fuck up! don’t even talk to me.”

“what? i din’t do anything.. why you scream?”

“can’y you see i’m stressed, you idiot? just fuck off from here and leave me.”

it was casual to you, but it was first time that he was so angry.

“i have enough! stop reacting and exploding at me! i didn’t do anything wrong and here you are, screaming at me for nothing! i’m tired of it, understand?!”

“did you raise your voice at me?”

“yes, and what? you gonna punish me? i’m leaving. you can look for me when you calm the fuck down.”

“try me honey. you aren’t leaving. you are mine.”

“i can! you act coldly to me! can’t you see that it’s hurt me? i fuckin love you and you treat me like sex toy and doesn’t care about me. how can you love me when you fuck other girls? you only yell at me and test me for your sex things. i can’t live like this. you are always cold. always. don’t show me love, it hurts, because i want to show you, but you alwayds don’t care.”

it hurt him. he doesn’t know that you see him as this. yeah, it was true that when he was really mad at you he fucked another, but then he killed them, because he loves only you. you are most important thing for him. he chuckled.

“i didn’t care about you? i care about you all the time! i’m stressed when i have to leave you for few days, so i call my men to be near to you. i always care what i did to you how you feel. i fuckin care! it’s hard to show this, but when we have sex i fuck you with love. y/n i fuckin think about to get married with you. i love you the most in the world. if you would asked me to leave my life in mafia i will! for you i will do everything. i’m sorry for being like this to you, but i love you.”

your heart’s melt.

“show me how much you love me.”

with this he kissed you with love. this night you two had sex slowly with full of love. you love him like a psycho, and he loves you back as a psycho.

“i really love you y/n, please don’t leave me.” lonly tear goes down his cheek “please, y/n i can think about my behaviuor but don’t leave me.”

“i won’t you know it. you know that i love you too much to leave.”

“will you marry me?” he take little box “i love you like psycho, like crazy man. make me happy and agree.”

“of course i will!”

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ifconfusionwasaperson · 3 years

Text

Lily fell first

Sometimes i like to think Lily liked James first.

Ao3 link yk bc i have to

Cw; a bit of swearing

First or second year;

She should of hated him, she knew that. They were compete opposites

She was a the nerdy redheaded girl with only 1 friend, she was a traitor to her house because her only friend was a slytherin, she was a muggle born and didn't know anything about The wizard world, and her family was working class.

While he was popolar and cool and rich, he wore the house colors on his cheeks while she often times wished she was in slytherin, everyone seemed to like him, of course they did cause he was so very sweet, and he was a pureblood and apperently everyone in the wizarding world knew his family, and he loved quidditch, she could barely get a broom off The ground.

Severus hated him, James hated Sev. She should hate James Potter just based on that fact alone, but he was never mean to anyone else. And when he flashed his Smile or when he sent a wink her way and she felt butterflies erupt in her stomach. Stupid James Potter with his perfect teeth

In third year it stopped being her stupid little crush. Now it was just embarrasing.

The first time he *tried* to flirt with her, her stomach did backflips and she could feel her cheeks glow red. But then soon it stopped being fun as he continued. The stupid flirting was now everything from compliments to pickup lines to asking for a date to hogsmeade. She'd never felt so embarassed esecially when his stupid friends stood behind him trying not to laugh, or when Severus was beside her and she could feel his anger bubblig up. Her stupid crush was suppost to be her little secret but now. He most of known.

"Lily, do you want to go to hogsmeade with me tomorrow?" James Potter stood before her. This time his friends was not to be seen, and The rest of her classmates was slipping away until it was just the two of them in the hallway. They'd just come from a charms lesson.

"Potter it's not funny anymore okay, you can stop i get it, you know about that but stop"

"Lily what do you men 'about that?'"

"Oh very funny Potter really, don't think i'm gonna say it for your entretainment let's just move on, it's not funny"

"Lily i geniuently don't know what you're talking about, i'm not asking you to hogsmeade as a joke im geniuently asking you"

Yeah sure, she thought. As if Someone like James Potter would like someone like her

"Shove off Potter"

Lily Evans did not hate James Potter. She just hated that he kept tormenting her about her old Crush.

In fourth year he stops asking her out and she feels Great. No more of his joking around no more, no more embarassment. No more feeling guilty whenever she catches herself staring at the boy for a second too long. Finally her crush can be left alone.

That's until fifth year starts. And it starts all over again, The flirting the asking for dates. But she's older now, she doesn't feel the need to be nice to him like she did when she was 13. She's 15 now, and she tells him to fuck off, and she tells him to his face she'd rather marry the squid in the lake. She even starts dating someone else. Yeah fuck you James Potter for being an asshole fuck you for breaking my young heart.

But then sixth year rolls around and so much is happening at once, Suddenly she's friends with not only James but all of the marauders. Slowly she starts to think that maybe James hadn't been taunting her those years. He's so nice and perfect and how would those eyes ever be able to be mean. She's 17 and she asks him about their earlier years.

"James?" It's only the two of them in the common room

"Yeah?" He sitting on the ground in front of the sofa she's sitting on, leaning his back against it.

"Why did start asking me out in third year?" He turned his head to look at her. This was a dangerous subject. To close to all secrets

"What do you mean? Why do you think i started asking you out?" James asks looking at her so sincerly she feels like she might break under his stare

"It came so sudden i thought you had found out about- well i don't know" Her cheeks was red, she didn't dare looking down at James but she knew he was staring at her.

"You though i knew what? -" When he doesn't get a respond and her eyes won't even look down at him he sighs before he continues

"I'm not sure Lily i just, i guess i just looked at you and realised you- well you were so goddamn cool, and you didn't care what anyone said about you and you were beautiful nontheless. So you know thirteen year old James thought he'd have a chance," He was smiling now looking far away", And well me having Sirius Black as a friend didn't help you anything after you rejected me. He said i just had to keep trying because, and I qoute ,,You're the sexiest mf i've ever laid my eyes on Jamie boy and if she can say no to you then she's the problem,, he gave me a weird hug afterwards. Then you said no again and well they all decided my crush on you was their favourite thing to bully me on" He had a nostalic smile on his lips again. She wanted to kiss it.

"I ehm, i thought you were making fun of me"

"Making fun of you? Why" His eyebrows were scrunched together

"Well i had been having this huge crush on you since first year," Lily was pretty sure she heard James breathing in sharply, she could of been wrong though based on all blood running through her ears. ", and then you just out of nowhere started giving me compliments and a random tuesday morning you asked me out, and I had to say no because Snape was right beside me. But then you never stopped and I just assumed you knew and were making fun of me" She looked down embarassed. She already regretted her choices.

"You liked me?" He looked baffelled

"Well yeah" They looked at each other before James started laughing.

"I can't believe you thought i was making fun of you" He threw his head back into the sofa. She started laughing too

"Well yeah you were this cool looking boy with your friends Who all laughed everytime you asked me out and I was just nerdy little me"

"They laughed at me because i kept getting rejected" He quite down

"We're idiots" She said before they burst out laughing again

God if his laugh wasn't the most beautiful thing she'd ever heard

"Yeah we are" His eyes had a glint of mischief in them and she couldn't help but wonder why

"When did you stop liking me James?" Suddenly his features got overtaken with panic

"well i ehm... Lils" His voice was quiet and unceartain.

"James?" He looked down embarrased.

Her heart was Hammering inside her chest. This was dangerous.

"James" For probably the first time ever his head didn't turn around at the sound of her voice. She lerned forward so her head was on the same level as his hos. She let her hand rest on his jaw

"James" This time his head turned. His eyes was soft, his cheeks was flustered and his lips slightly parted. She learned forward to greet his lips. He took in another sharo breath. Their lips met and the world exploded into fireworks. Oh how her eleven year old self, who had been staring at James for a whole 30 seconds before answering his greeting when he walked into her train compartment, would be jealous of her now. Just you wait eleven year old Lily, in six years you'll get to kiss him. And it will be nothing like you Imagined. Becasue kissing James Potter is everything she'd ever dream of but it's also like nothing she's Imagined. His lips are soft like she Imagined, he's *trying* to cup he jaw. He's still sitting on the ground so he has to turn his arms around to reaach her. Kissing James Potter is also not at all like in her imagination. In her imagination his kisses are nothing of the ordinary. He kisses just like her exes, she knows nothing else. But kissing James Potter is everything but ordinary.

"Lily-Lils-Evans" He pulled away from her and she's quickly taken by panic

"Oh my god i'm sorry James I didn't think-i thought you-" she was rambling

"What? OH No. No no Lily i just, well i was sitting on the ground and I don't know you felt so far away i kinda just wanted to sat myself on the couch you know if we're gonna kiss... Did i make it akward now?" He gave an akward Smile and ran a hand through his hair. Typical James behaviour. He'd managed to sat himself on the sofa.

"Idiot" The Word was spoken softly without any harsh meaning behind it.

She smiled before jumping onto him making him fall back against the couch.They were both laughing and kissing at the same time. His arms going around her waist and hers going for his hair.

"How did it takes us this long Evans?" James was smiling like The love sick idiot he was.

"Shut up we're here now aren't we?"

"Guess we are. Hold on does this mean? Lily Evan do you wanna go out with me?"

"Yeah i do"

It's seventh year. She's 17 now, has been for a while, seventeen means she's an adult in The wizard world. Eighteen is next which means she's an adult in The muggle world. . Her last year on hogwarts. Suddenly the world seems all too big and she feels all to small, but James is with her and if liking the same guy for six years without dating him was a bit pathetic, then she was a bit pathetic. But they were dating now so it was okay. She knew they would be okay.

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chappedandfadedvds · 4 years

Text

Nov 11th, Wednesday 21:12

„So why did you actually move here in the first place?“

They had finished dinner and sat on the sofa in the livingroom. Empty plates and half filled wine glasses left forgotten on the low table infront of them. Lucas had found a bottle I n one of the cupboards, presenting it to Jens with a grin. They hadn’t found any candles though, so their joked about candle-light-dinner fell a bit short.

Lucas’s legs were thrown over Jens’s lap, as the boy rested his back against the side arm of the couch.

They had talked a lot about the online classes till now and the huge amount of homework they had gotten. Til Jens remembered that he wanted to ask Lucas so many more private things, that hadn’t felt right over the phone. He wanted to see Lucas in person when he did.

„Difficult topic.“ The boy said, leaning his head against the back rest, as he looked at Jens, but went on quietly regardless. Only pausing occasionally as he elaborated: „My mother takes part in a 9 month long drug trial here at the university hospital... She suffers from severe depression with a moderate form of psychosis... becasue why not. And they have a new treatment in development, that her doctor suggested could help her balance the chemicals in her brain, or something... So I told her, that I thought it was a good idea and that I wouldn’t let her go on her own. Obviously I’m also underage... Now, here we are.“

It evidently was hard for Lucas to talk about his family situation. And Jens was instantly reminded back to Robbe and how he had been there for his best friend two years ago, while everything went to shit with his mother, while he himself dealt with Jana and their break-up.

But this wasn’t the time to dwell on old memories. This here only involved Lucas.

So Jens strechted his arm out far enough, that his fingers could comb though the brown locks on Lucas’s head.

„Sorry to hear that. How is she doing?“

„Pretty good actually. I felt so lost with her back in Utrecht, but now that we are here and I don’t have to constantly worry over her, I feel much better. She is much more energetic and happy when we spend a day or two together. She asks more, listens more. She feels much more like a parent for once in a very long time.“ Lucas smiled at him, certainly looking content with his current situation until Jens hit him with the next question, his expression dropping into a frown.

„And where is your father?“

„He moved to Amsterdam after my mom broke down one day. They were fighting for years already and I don’t really mind him being out of my life, he was a bit far leaning on the conservative site.“ The dutch boy explained vaguely, certainly being done with this subject. On his part at least.

„What about your parents? You also only live with your mom, right?“

“Yup.“ Being on the recieving end of the question hurt definitely more. He wasn’t about to lie though to Lucas, as the boy had been so honest with him. He just wasn’t ready to talk about his mom yet. He didn’t know how to start.

„Only with my mom, yes. I haven’t seen my dad in years. I’m not even sure if Robbe remembers him. He was home at best a couple of month a year. He is not a bad man, he just never was made for settling down and family life, I suppose.“

„What do you mean?“ Lucas interrupted, watching Jens curiously from his position, his hand lightly kneading the older boy’s neck in circles. It was a very calming feeling.

„Well, he studied marine biology and after having done his PhD, with me being two, he started going on all sorts of expeditions. He always came back with the coolest stories and gifts. A real adventurer. I loved listening to him as a boy, Only when I grew older and Lotte was born did I notice under how much pressure my mom stood. She broke it off with him, when I was eleven. They never divorced, but the last time I heard of him was a postcard on my birthday two years ago from Tasmania.“ Jens shrugged. „I don’t even have an adress or a phone number to contact him, so... Not sure if it makes him an asshole or not.“

Truth be told, Jens never really had felt much regarding his absent father. He also didn’t really think much about him. He only ever felt sad for his mom having to handle everything on her own.

„Yeah, I don’t know either.“ Lucas said carefully, unsure of his response. Maybe he was afraid to say the wrong thing, or to hurt Jens?

„Do you think he would have approved of us here?“ Lucas question caught him a bit off guard, until he remembered that the boy had told him his father to be „conservative“.

„I believe so, he was very much of the „live and let live“ attitude, as far as I can recall. And even if not, I don’t really care, because I get to cuddle and kiss this pretty boy right here.“

Lucas snorted at him, still sat straighter up and reaching over to kiss Jens, moving to settle on his lap.

„Do your friends know you are not straight?“ Lucas continued to ask, as his lips brushed along Jens’s jaw.

„No. I mean three weeks ago, I thought I was very straight.“

„Oh?“ Lucas feighned surprise and leaned his head back, his eyes searching for Jens’s gaze, as he grinned. „How come not now?“

„I haven’t the slightest clue. I may need something to remind me.“ Jens said, his arms wrapped around the body of Lucas, pulling him closer, his hips pushing up playfully into the other boy, who drew a sharp breath, his eyes falling shut.

If that wasn’t a beautiful sight to be seen.

„Jens.“ Lucas whispered nervously clearing his throat, his gaze driffted off over Jen’s head. Had he done something wrong?

„Sorry, should I..“

„No.“ Lucas quickly stopped Jens in his attempt to push Lucas a bit away. The fingers in his neck digging into him.

„Okay.“ Jens waited for Lucas to gather his thoughts. It only took the boy a minute to go on and elaborate.

„I’ve never...“

„You’ve never...“ Jens repeated, when the other boy once again stopped in his tracks.

„I’ve never done this. All of this.“ Lucas finally said.

„What? Was I your first kiss?“ Jens’s eyes grew wide as the thought hit him, and with it an actual punch in the chest from Lucas’s fist. Not that it was really hard or meant to hurt.

„No. I’ve kissed before. It just never went anywhere further than that. And also they were girls.“

„Eh same. You are also the first boy I’ve kissed.“ Jens said grinning brightly at the smiling boy rolling his eyes.

„That’s not what I mean, asshole.“

„Sorry.“ He pecked a kiss on Lucas’s lips, earning him another in return, before the boy on his lap grew a bit more serious again.

„You have so much experience with girls at least and I have none... What if you don’t like this? You said yourself, that you thought you were absolutely straight before. I’m scared I’m not good enough.“ The last words were a whisper so soft, Jens had trouble to understand them.

„Hey. I’m nervous too.“ Jens admitted as he locked eyes with Lucas. „You are the first boy for me as well. I have no fucking clue, what I am supposed to be doing here. I’ve never thought about it before, nor done reasearch on it. I just... We’ll just figure it out, okay? And if today is not the right day, then there is still tomorrow. So how about we kiss. And then you take my sweater and shirt off, and I’ll take yours off. Because honestly that is all I want right now. And then we’ll go from there.“

Lucas was back to smiling at him, eagerly nodding as his eyes dropped to Jens’s lips before he was pulled back into a tight embrace by the older boy. Their lips finding each other blind while their hands lost no time slipping under fabric and pulling their shirts off.

How hard could it be?

__ __ __

tagged: @odi-et-amo85, @tayspots

quick info:

so I am ace, but had my fair share of experiences, still I’m not comfortable going further than that in writing. If you expected some explicit content in my work, I’m afraid, I’ll have to disappoint you. Go read it somewhere and come back for the story, if you want 😭

hope you don’t mind and are able to fill the blanks to your fullest wishes!

thank you for reading!! ❤️

ps: if everything goes okay and I’m still motivated, I may continue my version of wtfock with another season exploring asexuality 🙈

#week 3 #wtfock #skam #vds #jens stoffels #lucas van der heijden #chapped and faded #2 of 3

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authorkimberlygrey · 5 years

Text

The things you need to start the self publishing thing

This is a day late, doesn’t even follow the how to do the thing format, and my dyslexia is running rampant today so ther’s probably six billion typos and mispellings but fuck it let’s goooooooo

Shit you’ll need before you can even get to the shit you need:

A complete manuscript

I’m talking multiple drafts here people. Beta readers, self edits, tears, blood sacrifice, the works. Unfortunately, this isn’t 1920, we cannot publish our first drafts.

I mean, you can but its not gonna go well.

Money

Like. Lots of money. This shit is Expensive.

A Plan

Don’t be like me. Don’t just suddenly go “alright let’s publish” one day

Actually lay out a timeline for yourself

Expect delays

So Many Delays

Plan for publishing at least like six months in advance you will thank yourself later I promise

Ingramspark vs. Createspace or whatever they call it now. They changed the name the other day I think

I went for ingramspark

Because

Fuck amazon

Ingramspark is More Professional

Everyone else also thinks “fuck amazon”

You’ll be able to sell your book more places this way.

This one is a p personal decison so look this shit up yourself.

One you’ve got that shit, you can get this other shit

First things first, hire an editor. There are a shit ton of different editors out there, I’m not listing them all, mostly because I don’t remember them all and a lot of them overlap anyway. The majority of places will let you pick an editing ‘package’ that’ll combine several types. Go with that.

Alright I’ll list a couple kinds of editor. Just the ones I can remember tho, I’m not looking them up again.

Content Editor-looks over the big picture, the story itself. Fuck that grammar bullshit, this is about lookign for plot holes and character inconsistencies and shit. Basically a beta on steroids, I love these dudes.

Line Editor-this is what everyone thinks of when they say editor. They do the grammar shit.

Sensitivity reader-make sure you’re not making a dick of yourself, good thing to have.

Learn how to Format the book

This one you actually can do yourself, its not like...unattainably difficult, especially if you can get ahold of Microsoft Word.

The basics are:

Book Size

8.5x5.5 is pretty much the most common

And that’s the interior pages, the cover itself tends to add a lil bit onto that and so if you go measure a bunch of books you’re gonna get 9x6 or something

Font

12 pt. Times New Roman is the standard

Margins.

I think 1 inch is standard?

Listen, this shit gets complicated and its been like nine months since I did it, I’ll link you some things at the end so you can get a better idea.

Header and Footer

Pro tip: Center all of this shit, that way you don’t have to fuck around with aligning it right on the corners of the page.

Author name on one page, book name on the other

You can do evens or odds, I don’t think there’s a standard

Page number on every page

EXCEPT: the first page of a new chapter

Just to make things more difficult, nothing goes on those pages. Because fuck you.

Widows and Orphans

Yeah I know “what the fuck does that mean???”

You know how sometimes you’ll have this one sentence that’s just hogging a whole page? Yeah those

Or those times that a sentence goes onto the next page all on its own

I’m not sure which of those are widows and which ones are orphans tbh. I mean... I could probably guess but nothing is simple you know?

There’s some places that’ll tell you to do this manually by changing the line spacing and/or text size of each page?

Don’t fuckign do that

That’s ludicrous.

There’s literally a button for it on microsoft word

This is one of those things where the easy solution is actually the one you’re supposed to use.

Oh yeah, indents

No you can’t just press tab

That would be too easy.

And nothing can be easy, remember?

0.3/0.5 is the standard I think.

Also make sure everything is left aligned.

And the line spacing is usually double spaced? I think?

I want to say there was a certain number of lines per page that was standard and you’re supposed to fiddle around until you get that. So enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IGkyMhsr28

https://firstmanuscript.com/proper-manuscript-format/

A Cover

Unless you’re like A Professional don’t do this yourself its way more complicated than you’d think

Have a Solid Idea of what you want your cover to look like. Just shrugging and going “idk man” isn’t going to help anyone.

This isn’t just the fun artsy shit either

Figure out where you’re putting the blurb and your author picture and your author bio, which, btw, you gotta write too. I’ll get there.

Author Bio

Jenna Morecci did a whole video on this so def look that up cause that’s pretty much the best info I’ve got for you.

But:

3-5 sentences

Written in third person

Yes its weird to write about yourself this way, just go with it.

Embrace your inner “whatever fictional character talks in third person” and go with it

One sentence on your experience with writing whatever this is

One sentence about yourself/shit you like

And one on something else, I’m not watching the whole video over for this. Just go watch Jenna, you’ll love her.

I don’t think I’ve ever read an author bio and I don’t know anyone else who does either but I guess somebody must so we all have to suffer.

A Copyright thing

Like. Register your book with the copy right office so that if someone tries to steal it you can tell them to stop.

Yes this costs money too. Becasue fuck you I guess.

This sounds really intimidating but honestly you just fill out paperwork and while that stresses me personally out beyond rationality its not really that bad.

Don’t forget to add the copyright page in your book too, there’s a thing on the format for it, lemme look

Here ya go:

https://blog.reedsy.com/copyright-page/

An ISBN

Most people upon reading this immeditaely went “what the fuck is an ISBN?”

If you didn’t then good job you’re more prepared than I was. Good on you.

An ISBN is like an identifying number for your book.

Actually, its an identifying number for specifically this format of your book. If you’re planning on doing a paperback and an ebook or a hardcover or an audiobook or whatever, you need to get an ISBN for Every Format of it

You can buy ISBNs ((in the US at least, I don’t know about other countries sorry)) on Bowker.com

Why did they name it that?

I don’t know

You would think that they’d maybe pick a more...I don’t know, relevant name for their site?

Listen, a fact of publishing a book is that everyone involved has conspired to make is as frustrating as humanly possible. You’re just going to have to accept that.

Why is their whole site mascot a bird?

Also don’t know. They’re having a good time with it I guess.

Maybe something to do with Bowker sounding like bough?

Also a barcode!

Yeah, didn’t think you’d have to buy that did you?

Neither did I but here we are

Actually you don’t have to buy one if you use ingramspark, they’ll give you one when you use their cover template thing apparently.

Know what price you want to sell the book for

Even in self publishing, the place you’re going through is gonna want a piece of the pie. Enjoy that.

Ingramspark has a calculator for that actually, its p cool

You can stick the price in the barcode

Idk if that relevant but that’s a thing you can do?

uhh…..I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting something….

You might want to get an author website set up?

You should probably have that before now but if youre doing this Chaos Style (™) like I did then you probably want it up before you publish so you can put it on the book somewhere.

People you need to hire:

Editor

Cover Designer

Possibly a formatting person if you decide fuck that shit

Which. Understandable

Shit you need to get a handle on

Formatting

If you decide fuck yourself

Which. Understandable

Price

ISBN

OH yeah.

Marketing Junk

You honeslty need to have a handle on this shit Waaaaaaayyyy the fuck in the future. If you’re only thinking about it like...now its probably not great.

The Chaos Method is not generally a good approach

See: Ascendant’s release was essentially a flop and even tho people who read the book love the book I’m still struggling to get people to read the book

Psst read the book its great I promise

Your book release is like. The Biggest Chance for marketing shit

Get on top of that junk

Giveaways

Posts about it

Just

Everything all the time everywhere

You definitely need a schedule for this

Like seriously

Make a plan.

That’s pretty much it I think. I mean...look in other places too because like I said earlier, its been months since I did this and when I did do it it was the Chaos Method of me just going “I’m gonna publish now” and Doing That.

Get a plan, believe in yourself. Get a publishing mentor

Someone who’s done this shit before and can give you some encouragement and direction.

It probably shouldn’t be me but I guess if you need help I’m game to do what I can.

Also be prepared to like. Crash, mentally, So Hard. Its terrible. See my older post for all the shitty shit about publishing this way.

#Publishing #self publishing #Writing help #writing advice #how to do the thing

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shions-songbirds · 4 years

Text

To say Shouto was good at hiding his affections would be true, he was. Generally speaking, he was very good at hiding anything he was feeling. However, for once, if his friends were to be believed, he was wearing his feelings on his sleeve. Uraraka had told him, rather pointedly, that anyone with a pair of eyes could see he was “hopelessly in love” with Kirishima. And maybe he was, maybe, but he didn’t think he was that obvious about it. Kirishima was nice, he always made Shouto feel safe and welcomed, he made room and time for him whenever he wanted it or whenever Kirishima noticed that he was feeling down in the dumps, he was just so incredibly sweet, and kind, and how could Shouto not be in love with him? But Kirishima was the most bromo person he knew, there was no way any of it meant anything more than just being friends. Which they were. Friends, that is.

If anything, he’d be far more inclined to say Kirishima had feelings for one of the members of the self-proclaimed bakusquad, and even then it was obvious he didn’t. And if he didn’t have feelings for them, well, there was no way in hell he had feelings for someone like Shouto. Even without that stipulation, there was no way in hell he had feelings for Shouto. He just couldn’t, it was impossible. It was impossible. No matter what his friends said, their random talks, their impromptu cuddle sessions because Shouto was touch starved and sad and Kirishima liked holding people, their meals together, all of it, meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. They were just friends. And Shouto had no intention of changing that, not if it came at the cost of this weird but wonderful friendship they’d built.

He didn’t want to make things awkward or unpleasant, he didn’t want to lose Kirishima’s constant, comfortable company. So, even if his feelings were apparently obvious, Kirishima had never commented on them, he had no intention of bringing it up, of messing with any part of their dynamic.

Which is why he didn’t think much of anything of he and Kirishima being left alone in the common room together, cuddling and watching a dumb kid’s movie that Shouto was definitely way too into for someone his age but it was fine becasue Kirishima was equally as into it. He knew his friends would argue that the two of them were basically a couple already, practically hanging off each other anytime they shared space, but this was different. What they had was distinctly not a relationship, not in the romantic sense. They were just two bros, having a purely platonic hangout. It was manly, or something. He didn’t know, he wasn’t Kirishima, and his heart was currently pounding in his chest at the feeling of Kirishima’s arms around him so his brain wasn’t really working at full capacity at the moment.

The movie had gotten to its peak, an incredibly romantic scene playing out before them, with a score and lyrics to fit the situation, and suddenly he felt a wetness on his head. He blinked, startled, before turning to look up at Kirishima. Who was currently crying, mumbling quietly that the confession they had just watched was so incredibly manly. It wasn’t entirely uncommon for Kirishima to cry on their movie da-- they weren’t dates. Their movie hangouts. But usually not at something as simple as this. Though, when he glanced at the clock, and took stock of his own slightly out of sorts thoughts, he was pretty sure he could chalk it up to the fact that it was currently three and neither of them had slept a wink. Lack of sleep drunk, Izuku called it.

He would blame everything that happened next on that, on being lack of sleep drunk, because he wasn’t in his right mind and certainly Kirishima wasn’t either. It didn’t mean anything (it meant everything), it wouldn’t change anything (it would change everything), and it wasn’t true or important (he’d never said anything truer in his life but certainly, his feelings weren’t important). It was a simple comment from Kirishima that started this mess, his voice quiet as he sniffled cutely, his face still nuzzled into Shouto’s hair.

“I wish someone loved me like that,” he’d said, pulling away for a moment, and Shouto felt his heart crack. He loved him like that, he loved him so much, and how could he live with himself if he didn’t say something? If he didn’t tell him? The words spilled out before he could stop them, before he could think on it for a minute and realize that he most definitely did not want to confess and make things awkward. Make it so moments like this could never happen again. But he couldn’t stop it, he didn’t, and so he said,

“I love you. So much. Exactly like that,” he’d said, and the moment after he had, he jolted away, his brain processing what he’d just admitted. Just confessed. Meanwhile, Kirishima remained where he had been, the gears obviously still turning in his head, sleepily computing what exactly Shouto had just told him, and once it hit him, he pushed himself up, staring at Shouto who was currently hiding himself under a blanket, his eyes barely peeking out. Kirishima was staring at him. He shrunk back. There went their friendship.

“I-- was that a confession?” he asked, his voice a bit off from having just been crying. Shouto trembled under the blanket, the thing falling a bit as he dropped his head in a weak nod.

“Yeah,” he croaked out, voice hardly reaching a whisper. Everything was ruined, it was so ruined, he’d completely destroyed their relationship and they’d never have another night like this ever again, they’d never just be able to exist around each other ever again, he’d messed everything up.

He expected maybe he’d get a “that was manly as hell, man, but I don’t feel the same” or a “wait what? Dude, I don’t feel like that for you at all” or some other response like that. He didn’t at all expect to hear,

“Wait, you feel the same?” The same????

He wasn’t aware there was a “same” to feel, he wasn’t aware Kirishima felt much of anything at all for him! How?? Had he missed some sign??? What the hell was going on?

“Bro, I love you too! Like that! I had no idea you felt the same though. Damn, I should’ve manned up and told you.” And oh, there was too much going through his head right now, and he didn’t understand a bit of it. Shouto made a weak, confused noise. Immediately, Kirishima was rush-crawling over, snagging the ball of blanket and Shouto and tugging him close. It took a long moment of sitting like that for him to calm down enough to think, at which point he registered he was currently wrapped up in Kirishima’s arms again. His cheeks lit up red, and his hair, did, in fact, actually light up, the blanket getting set on fire, and wow, that was really the absolute best way to completely ruin whatever moment the two of them were having as they panicked and rushed about trying to put out the fire on the blanket.

… half the common room was ice by the time they were done, but there wasn’t a fire, and they didn’t trigger the fire alarms, so Shouto thought it was a win.

He turned to Kirishima, not sure how to pick up the conversation where they’d left it off before, but he figured he’d shoot his shot, try and see where this went, and…

The two of them began speaking at once.

“Would you want to go out with me?”

“Um, date? Maybe? Food?”

They stared at each other for a moment before they burst out laughing.

“Yeah, let’s go on a date,” Kirishima said once he’d calmed down enough. “A food date. After we’ve gotten some sleep.”

Shouto nodded. “After sleep.” He paused. “Um, would you want to cuddle with me? In my room?” he asked, quiet, almost sheepish. Kirishima lit up.

“Absolutely! I thought I’d never get the chance.”

They laughed some more as they made their way up to Shouto’s room, thankfully not waking anyone else up, forgetting about everything that night had brought except the fact that his feelings were returned, and he had a date.

Come morning proper, he awoke to shouts outside his room, everyone just the littlest bit pissed off that the common room was cold and damp.

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