#if i'm careful maybe i can read it again 100 years from now.

[seashaper]

i finally finished the book. the Tome of Clear Thought, specifically. turns out it’s primarily a legitimately effective instructional guide on how to better and more quickly process, store, and utilize information. interestingly, while it might’ve normally been a struggle for me to fully comprehend, the text itself was written with a magic that made it easier to do all of the above as i was reading, without too much extra effort. i genuinely feel like i learned a lot over the weekend. according to game mechanics, i’ve now added an extra +2 to my intelligence score. given how consistently everything else has worked i’m going to go ahead and assume that means i am genuinely smarter now. i certainly feel like it. my mind is my soul is my body, and i actually feel a bit..sharper. figuratively. like i’m thinking and experiencing things with slightly clearer edges. slightly less fuzz. i’ve learned how to remember things more effectively, and how to sort those memories in less arbitrary ways than my adhd generally goes for. and i could swear that i’m thinking a little faster than i could before. it’s very interesting.

[cheegu3]

Hi, I loved your glory based enha fic so much! Please do a part 2 or sequel of it? I want to see why they bully and kiss the mc at same time. Maybe you can make it yandere since you mentioned that it was not?

Honestly I'm new to your blog but love your work so much!

I've gotten many requests like this, so I decided to make a mini series out of it, technically it's my first series to finish so lower ur expectations everyone lol. Thank you so much for reading and supporting my work, welcome & love u !! <3

dc list (all the ppl that requested a pt.2) - @ceeesxy-blog, @roses-and-blue-perennial-salvia, @/anons special thanks to @muminpopz, for giving me the idea to introduce a second character !!

to clarify - my last part was still yandere, that's why they wanted to kiss her, I think I wrote that in my last fic bc it wasn't really mentioned much.

note; I haven't planned the plot 100% so voting will probably be a big part of deciding what happens next, only the first ones to read (24hrs) get to vote but u can still leave your opinions in the comments <3

this is a bit long, I apologize in advance, I am determined to give this an ending now lol

wc; 4.4k

pairing; enha x f.m reader

featuring; yeonjun & soobin (txt)

tw / trigger warning; yandere themes, severe bullying, the glory inspired, scars, mentions of forced kissing, mentions of drinking and smoking, trauma, swearing

pt.1

Enhypen - the glory (PT.2)

The irritating fluorescent lights flickering above made you scrunch your nose and turn on your side. Those damn hospital lights reminded you of those moments you'd spent there a couple of years ago, when your mom needed treatment for her illness. They felt eerie, almost like a weakening heartbeat flickering back at you while you stared at them.

Now here you were, back at the hospital again. Your dad had accidentally spotted the burns, poking out from under your shirt as you raised your arms above your head to put something on a shelf. Wishing you'd been more careful was useless now as you looked at the sleeping form of your dad slumped over the dreary hospital bed.

Your bullies had no idea you were in the hospital, but surely they'd be notified soon enough. There was no way your dad would let this thing go after seeing how badly they left you. He had dried tears on his hollow cheeks that made your heart twist painfully in guilt.

Although it wasn't your fault at all, you didn't want to be a burden to him. He already worked more than his body could handle, constantly stressed with the increasing workload his company gave him.

'' Miss, y/n? ''

You sat up straight at the sound of a nurse. She approached your bed with a sympathetic smile on her face, and you felt bad for her too. She looked young, too young - had you scarred her as well with your injuries? They weren't very nice to look at after all.

'' Yes? '' you whispered, eyes fleeting briefly to your dad sleeping to let the nurse know not to wake him up.

'' We've administered some soothing cream and medicine in case the pain gets too unbearable. If you wish, you may go home now. ''

You nodded. '' Thank you. ''

You reached out your hand and gently pat your dad. He grunted and slowly got up, stretching his sore neck as he slowly started waking up. He looked at you questioningly instead of asking what was wrong.

'' They said I could go home. ''

He sighed, maybe a bit louder than he had intended to because a look of regret flashed across his face, hurriedly he assured you, '' I wasn't worried about the bills, honey. ''

You knew he was but you didn't say anything. The promise of your warm, comfortable bed waiting at home was enough for you to stay quiet, even during the whole ride home.

Hearing the additional quiet sighs of your exhausted dad behind you when you hurried to your bedroom, made another pang of guilt hit you. But this time you ignored it too - another more important thought was filling up your mind now.

What would happen at school tomorrow?

You slipped under the heated covers and as a result of the long day, you fell asleep almost as soon as your head hit the pillow.

*******

You were one of the earliest students to arrive this time. Taking your designated spot at the back of the class, your head naturally fell into your arms as you yawned off the morning grogginess.

Before you left that morning, your dad had given you a smile and told you that, ' If those punks give you trouble again, call me '. But he had said so while balancing both his files and a cup of nearly spilled coffee, along with a laptop tucked under his arm. You'd seen him for maybe a few minutes before he disappeared off to work again.

You smiled a bit melancholically, knowing that if trouble did arise you wouldn't call him. Hopefully you wouldn't have a reason to do so anyway; maybe they'd be more gentle with you since they gave you such a harsh punishment last time.

The bell rang, startling you and making you raise your head. The class was pretty much full now. By instinct your eyes dart to where they always sat. Surprisingly, they were all in their seats but didn't seem to be paying you too much attention.

A few of them looked sleepy, slumped over their desks like you had been just a minute ago. The others had dark circles under their eyes and stared blankly towards the blackboard.

Rough night? They almost looked like they'd been out partying. You scoffed. It wouldn't shock you if they had; they sometimes smelled of smoke as they'd kiss you in the gym, so you wouldn't put it past them to drink during a school night too.

'' Good morning, class! '' the teacher's cheerful voice cut through the room.

The tired students responded back but in a much less bright tone.

'' We have a new student today. A transfer from Ansan. ''

The murmur from the usual chatty students stopped, and it became dead quiet. Just then the classroom door slid open and a tall, very good-looking guy crouched to get in.

'' This is Soobin, please introduce yourself. '' the teacher smiled.

'' Hi everyone, I'm Soobin. Nice to meet you. '' he said solemnly.

He sounded a bit shy and he didn't keep eye-contact with the students for long, eyes dashing anxiously from person to person while he clasped his hands together.

When his eyes landed on you, you smiled politely. Based on first impressions alone, it was clear as day to anyone that this guy didn't seem like a bully, so you wanted to be nice to him.

It's not easy being new, you knew that very well when you had to transfer during the second part of the first year. Back then, there weren't any people like you that would want to take care of the newcomer, like you wanted to take care of Soobin - and that's how you became their target. You couldn't let that happen to this guy.

'' You can take the seat next to y/n, that one in the back. '' you heard the teacher say.

You smiled again, that would certainly make things a bit easier as he would be sitting closer to you than your bullies. The part where you actually had to try to become friends was harder. You couldn't remember the last time you had a friend.

Soobin cautiously walked over to his seat, keeping his eyes down the whole time. He looked even taller up close, and he barely fit in his seat which made you snort quietly to yourself.

The teacher turned her back and started writing on the board as the murmur returned again. You fiddled nervously with your fingers before finally turning your head to him, determination shining in your eyes.

He must've seen you do so in his peripheral vision because he looked at you too, his bunny-like eyes growing twice its size.

'' Hi, I'm y/n. ''

'' Yeah, she...uh said so. '' he gestured to the teacher and then seemed to cringe at himself.

You let out a light laugh, maybe you were both equally awkward.

'' I guess she did. '' you gave him a genuine smile, one that reached your eyes. It had been a long time since you'd smiled in that way.

'' I'm Soobin. '' he seemed to relax when he saw your smile, a small one played on his own lips as he observed you timidly.

'' I know, she said that. '' you teased back.

He chuckled and you thought you saw him blush before he turned to pick up his notebooks from his backpack. You did the same, starting to copy the material from the board.

'' Hey, is it- okay if I eat lunch with you later? I know it's a weird thing to ask, but I don't really have anyone. '' he quickly rambled after you had been taking notes for some time.

'' I mean, you don't have to say yes if you already have someone you're eating with I just thought I'd ask. ''

A shy pout formed on his lips, seemingly indicating that he felt that he had embarrassed himself again. But you found it cute.

'' No, that sounds perfect. I don't really have any friends either. '' you admitted.

'' Oh. ''

'' It's okay. '' you laughed.

And then the two of you continued studying, while the sweet promise of having someone to finally eat lunch with was circling inside your mind.

*******

When the bell rang, you quickly packed up your things and waited for Soobin outside. You were slightly scared that if you were one of the last ones to leave, then your bullies would catch you red-handed and see your newfound friendship, prompting them to do something to the new student.

Soobin looked happy walking by your side, completely oblivious to all the stares and whispers that followed the two of you. He was even humming something, moving his head slightly all the way through the queue in the cafeteria to the walk to your table.

You chose one that was out of sight from the entrance, just in case they'd eat today. They often didn't - being from snobby rich families and all, they were grossed out by the cafeteria food and would usually drive home during lunch or go out to a restaurant together.

Someone must've told them about you and Soobin however, because you suddenly heard the table next to you gasp and gossip.

'' Why are they eating here today? ''

One of the girls glanced towards you, and when the others noticed, they all looked at you. Soobin looked confused, he stopped midway with his mouth open and his chopsticks carrying the food dropped it clumsily.

They giggled at him. But you couldn't even find humour in something like that when you had a bad feeling in your stomach. They were probably right when they looked at you as the answer to their question.

But why? Why would this make them angry? What would they do to Soobin now?

'' Hey, y/n. ''

You raised your head cautiously, dreading to see them. The fact that they seemed so out of it during the lesson shouldn't have made you feel so confident that it meant they'd avoid you all day.

Jake was the one who stood slightly in front of the group, the others gave threatening glares to students that looked like they wanted to intervene, making them hurriedly scurry away.

'' Yes? '' you couldn't hide the irritation in your voice.

'' What do you think you're doing? '' Jake cocked an eyebrow and then his attention was caught Soobin who was peacefully eating.

Your bullies seemed to assess him from head to toe which made the poor new student look very uncomfortable, causing him to squirm in his seat and clear his throat.

'' Eating lunch? '' you snarkily respond and then attempt to go back to eating while ignoring them.

You heard a scoff.

'' Did we say you could do that? '' Jay sneered, looking down at you.

Your cheeks started heating up and you turned your head as it started to show. The whole thing being done in front of Soobin made it feel ten times worse. Had you now lost a potential friend because they wanted to embarrass you like this on his first day?

You were about to respond but were interrupted by them all abruptly moving to squeeze in next to you and Soobin. The two of you exchanged confused looks.

'' We just wanted to join, can we not do that? '' Sunghoon winks to the flustered new student, who nods hesitantly.

But your lack of answer didn't satisfy them. Heeseung who sat closest to you, rested his hand on your exposed thigh as his eyes held a non-spoken warning in them.

'' Of course. '' you respond flatly, earning a satisfied grin from him.

It felt like you were holding your breath all throughout that excruciatingly long lunch. They'd never eaten with you before and it became clear quite quickly that the reason they did so today wasn't because of you - but, because of Soobin.

All throughout, their focus was on him and not you. It made you feel uneasy, like they had something up their sleeves. The new student was asked questions enthusiastically, which he answered happily as he slowly got out of his shell more and more. But you noticed the looks and the smirks they shared when he wasn't looking. Problem was that any time you'd try to warn Soobin, that hand would return back to your thigh. Heeseung didn't need to say anything, you knew not to test it. Still you hoped you'd have the chance to warn him later.

The reason why was because the way they treated Soobin on his first day made you get a horrible sense of deja-vu. In an instant you were transported back in time to your very own first day.

*******

You overheard girls talking in the halls while waiting for the teacher outside the classroom; about some guy they had hooked up with.

'' Are you fucking stupid? '' one of the girls sudden aggressive outburst made you perk your ears up without meaning to.

You didn't exactly have anything else to occupy your bored mind with while waiting anyway, so you eavesdropped a little.

'' Lee Heeseung? You hooked up with the Lee Heeseung? ''

Shifting your weight and turning over while pressed against the wall, you tried to get a good look at the poor girl who seemed to have gotten taken advantage of.

'' He's a known fuckboy and player. '' the angry one continued.

The girl you assumed was the topic of conversation shrugged, but she had a slight sad frown on her face.

'' I thought that...maybe I could change him. ''

The two others girls erupted into shrill laughter. You couldn't help but feel some sympathy for her despite her bad decisions. The teacher interrupted just as you were about to ask them about the guy, so you could avoid him.

'' Y/n? Are you ready? ''

You grimaced and nodded, giving one last look at the girl before following the teacher into the classroom.

Immediately a small pang of panic hit you. It wasn't empty like you'd expected, in fact - pretty much every single chair was filled with a student.

'' Good morning, class! '' the teacher's cheerful voice brought you back to reality.

You just had to introduce yourself and then the danger was over. You could spend the rest of the day glued to your desk, not talking to anyone and when lunchtime would hit, the convenience store across the school was your best bet.

'' We have a new student today. A transfer from Seongnam. ''

'' This is y/n, please introduce yourself. ''

You looked at the teacher, slight panic evident in your eyes. Clearing your throat you stepped forward a few steps.

'' Hi everyone, I'm y/n. Nice to meet you. ''

Your anxiety slowly started dissapating when a few students answered back politely and you released a breath you didn't know you'd been holding in.

'' You can take the seat next to Heeseung, that one in the back. '' you heard the teacher say, she was gesturing towards the back right of the classroom where a bunch of guys were huddled over one table, too busy talking to register what the teacher had said.

You obediently walked over there and tried not to make a scene when you put your things on the chair that was closest to the table they were all gathered around.

To your dismay, the owner of the popular table had noticed you in the corner of his eye. He quickly waved everyone away and then focused his attention on you.

It was very hard to ignore.

'' Hey, sweetheart. ''

No matter how hard you fought back to not show any reaction, your face scowled at the sound of his nickname, earning an abrupt laugh from one of the boys.

You were sure this meant bad news for you, a guy like that wouldn't want to be humiliated in front of his whole friend-group, so you quickly gave him a sheepish smile.

'' Yes? ''

Your innocent tone made his eyes narrow as more of the boys laughed. The longer you kept eye-contact, the more you felt him openly glare with something you couldn't quite explain glinting in his brown gaze.

Before he could embarrass himself in front of his friends further, he stood up so suddenly that the chair underneath made a loud screeching noise. To you surprise, everyone minded their business which was very different from your last school where everyone was nosy and the sound would've immediately made people whip their heads around in curiosity.

He dragged the chair as close as he could to next to yours, so close that the material was slightly pushing into your bare thigh.

Your eyebrows knit together as you watched him sit down. It was way too close for your comfort; you could even smell his cologne and the fact that it was so obvious it was an expensive one made you immediately annoyed.

He leaned in now, being just a few inches above your ear and most likely shielding you from his friends.

'' Do you know who I am? ''

Your loud scoff for answer seemed to enrage him even more. His much larger hand found your wrist and easily trapped it in a painful grip.

'' No, sorry. '' you hurriedly answer, feeling a lot less brave now, your wrist was already starting to hurt.

'' I'm Heeseung, remember that. ''

In your scared state, your head seemed to move on its own, rapidly nodding obediently. A victorious smirk appeared on his face before he finally retreated, dragging the chair behind him back to the group.

You dreaded the sound of the bell ringing. Predicting that he'd be standing right outside the classroom waiting for you with his friends. It was a long shot, but you tried taking the other door.

'' Hee? ''

You gasped, bumping into a taller male's chest. When you backed away and looked up, you cursed under your breath - it was one of his friends.

It seemed that they had thought of the possibility of you attempting to flee. The thought made your cheeks turn red.

Heeseung joined his friends who'd been guarding the door you tried to escape out of. Looking down at you very arrogantly, as if he could read your face and your thoughts, knowing you were flustered.

'' Did you try to run away? '' he snickered, putting his hands in his pockets and tilting his head at you.

It had the effect you were sure he wanted, you felt mocked and avoided his eyes.

'' Sorry. ''

He hummed before you felt his fingers wrap around your wrist again.

'' Let's go. ''

You went with them without protesting. Although you feared where they were taking you, you feared speaking and potentially getting on their nerves because of it, way more.

They were quiet the whole way, which seemed to never end. You passed by many classrooms, the cafeteria and walked down the loneliest and darkest corridor; yet they only spoke when the ones in front of the group seemed to come to a halt in front of a double door.

'' Open it. '' you heard one of the ones behind you say.

The tallest of the group, who was in front, unlocked it instantly and the lock fell to the floor in a loud thump. He pushed it open all the way, revealing a very large gymnast hall.

'' Why did you take me here? ''

It had become quite clear very fast that these people weren't someone you should mess with, and they were pretty high up on the school's hierarchy judging by the way no one interfered; instead pretending like they didn't see you pass by.

You made a quick guess that whenever they needed something, like the perfect place to do something bad to someone without others hearing - they were given it in one way or another. Maybe some poor student had been forced to get the keys from the teacher just to satisfy them.

'' Go sit over there. ''

Your head follow the voice. It was a pretty tall guy who was undeniably very handsome, from his silver hair and defined eyebrows to his deep voice, everything about him was pretty attractive.

It made you wonder what he wanted with you.

You didn't ponder on that thought long however, moving in a haste again to make sure they didn't get angry. Jumping up on the plinth he had pointed at, you watched nervously as they all approached the stairs leading up to a stage that your back was facing.

Without them needing to tell you to, you automatically turned around just in time for them to form a half-mood around you. Trying to read their faces was very difficult as they all looked at Heeseung who was sitting straight across from you, staring right back.

'' Why did you take me here? '' you try to ask again.

'' Well...I- we like you '' he answered simply, shrugging like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

'' What? '' you say dumbfoundedly.

'' I was trying to hit on you earlier, I don't know if you noticed. '' Heeseung bit down hard on his lip to stop himself from smiling.

'' But being nice didn't really work on you, did it? ''

'' We realised that with you, we need to use more extreme methods. '' a new voice said, one of the ones that hadn't said a word to you yet, who had strawberry blond hair and a soft voice.

'' Wh-What do you mean by that? '' your eyebrows knit together as your eyes darted anxiously between the two closest to you, being prepared to run if you had to.

'' I'm Sunghoon. '' the silver haired-boy said, ignoring your question.

'' I'm Jake. '' said the guy next to him.

Your gaze naturally averted to him. He looked like an innocent puppy, you wondered why he was friends with people like Heeseung. But when your eyes locked, he winked at you and you got your answer, face quickly turning into a grimace of disgust.

'' I'm Ni-ki. '' the tallest one said.

'' I'm Sunoo. '' the gentle one said, catching you off-guard when he flashed a big friendly grin.

'' Jungwon. '' the one closest to you on the other side said grumpily, not even bothering to look at you while saying it.

His red hair that seemed to be fading, was a perfect match to his personality, the whole time he looked like he was in a sour mood.

'' I'm Jay. '' the one furthest from you said.

He looked like a pretty scary guy, dark hair that was cut in a way that framed his sharp features.

'' That's everyone. Don't forget their names, okay? '' Heeseung spoke up last, tilting his head while smiling slightly at you.

Your voice didn't seem to work, you felt frozen in your spot, like you were glued to the plinth underneath you.

'' Can you not speak? ''

You saw anger flash across his face which only made your panic worse, but you couldn't get a single word out despite it, only a string of stutters and incomprehensible words left your mouth.

'' Do you want me to help you? ''

Not even registering that he had gotten up from his seat, you were taken by surprise when his rough hands grabbed either side of your face as his lips devoured you.

You tried to scream or turn your head so he couldn't have access to your mouth, but it was to no avail. Eventually your hands fell limp. All you could do was pray that it would end quickly, while your whines of protest were muffled by his hungry lips.

When he pulled away, he had a cocky smile on his face.

'' Get used to this. '' were his last words you heard before they left, forever engrained in your mind.

And that was how it started. No matter how much it happened, which was pretty much every other day after school at this point - it still didn't get easier, your clothes always got stained with tears. Their voices didn't help calm you down when you'd see the obvious desire in their eyes. They were like a hungry pack of wolves, just waiting for their turn with the prey

*******

The school bell rang after about half an hour, instantly snapping you out of your daydream. Your bullies said their goodbyes and then left, with one last look at you. But you shrugged it off and immediately leaned over the table to talk to Soobin.

'' Don't trust them, please! They might be all nice and sound like they actually want to be your friend but they're horrible bullies and- '' you hesitated before pulling up your sleeve to reveal the marks they'd left on you. '' They did this to me! Trust me...they're not good people. ''

Soobin's eyed widened in horror and his hand slightly twitched, as if he was either holding back the urge to clench his fist in anger, or resisting the urge to reach out and gently touch your wounds.

'' I'm sorry. '' was all he said after some time of silence.

You smiled a bit apologetically, pulling down the sleeve again. He seemed sweet and you didn't want to cause him distress for no reason, it just felt a lot more impactful if you showed him to make him believe you.

'' It's okay, I'm sure you didn't know. They're quite charming at first, that's how they get you. ''

'' I'm a bit offended that you thought I fell for it though. '' Soobin snickered.

'' What? ''

'' You think I believed all that bullshit, right after they spoke to you very passive-aggressively and basically shot daggers my way? ''

'' Uh...well, yeah? ''

He laughed heartily and stood up, you following as he threw the trash off his tray away.

'' That actually makes me feel a bit better. '' you mumblingly confess.

The pair of you walked together to class and spent the next few lessons and breaks together as well, surprisingly unbothered by your bullies this time since you were with someone for the first time in a long time.

At the end of the day when the bell rang, Soobin asked to hang out. He said he wanted to introduce you to his older brother and said he had something to talk about. You reluctantly agreed, but were on guard the whole taxi ride to his house since he was still a stranger.

His house was pretty big, located close to where the richest families in the country lived. He however claimed he wasn't rich; that it was his step-father that was pretty well off, but they didn't have a good relationship so he didn't spoil him.

'' Who are you? ''

You stared at the older male leaning against his desk. His eyes narrowed as they bore into you. Then they shifted to his younger brother who immediately straightened up.

'' It's my new friend, y/n. ''

'' Okay? ''

'' Yeonjun, please be a bit nicer. She needs our help. '' Soobin begged.

A puzzled expression overtook your face as you tugged on his sleeve.

'' What do you mean? ''

'' I will help you take them down. '' he said, a smirk slowly creeping up on his lips. '' Every, single one of them. ''

-

[byechristopher]

WE'RE ALONE.

– Chris Sturniolo angst/fluff.

depressed-stoner!chris x f!reader

Author's note: there's a playlist I have on spotify (literally my childhood) that 100% inspired me to write this – hits too close to home, pft. So here, Chris smoking w33d. Do not copy/steal my work. :) didn't proof read.

Warnings: w33d obviously, mentions of alcohol and depression. Sad, messy love. Also, super long – don't know what else, tbh. This is JUST a fan-fiction.

Playlist:

Time was passing by and the voices from inside the living room wouldn't stop – I can hear them getting louder and louder. I bring my knees close to my chest, hugging myself and I turn the volume of my speakers up.

It's always like this; they get loud and then they pretend this never happened, like I never heard what they said to each other. Or how they talked about this family, this house. It was exhausting for me, to say the least.

A few hours later, with the loud music still filling the dark room, I decided it was maybe time to sleep. This would all end faster that way. But when I was about to do that, I saw.. something out the window? I know I did. There it is again... hold on – a shoe? I get up, a little scared, and look outside. I knew it. I open the window.

"Chris, what the fuck.." I yelled and I saw Chris picking up his shoe, jumping around for a few seconds before wearing it again.

Oh, Chris. We've been close friends for so long. As long as I can remember – my childhood is filled with memories of him. I've always been so thankful. He has always been the safe place that I desperately needed but never really knew I wanted. He would always be there whenever I needed him and if course, I did the same thing for him. He was worth it anyways.

"Come on!" he yells, not caring if my parents heard him.

"Really, Chris? Your shoe?" I place my elbows on the windowsill, laughing a little bit.

"I couldn't find any rocks. Now shut up, and jump!" he grins and I roll my eyes.

I turn the volume down, not all the way down, enough to not let my parents hear what is going on in here, but also without disturbing their sleep. I quickly wear a big, black hoodie, I put on my lace up boots and after grabbing my phone, wallet and cigarettes, I walk towards the windowsill – I've been sneaking out my room ever since I was little, I cannot believe I'm still doing it in my twenties. But who cares.

I place my foot on the windowsill, grabbing a branch of the tree that is right outside my room (thank God), and I climb up that tree till it's safe enough for me to jump – Chris catches me and we fall down, like every other time. We laugh.

"Hi." he says, it's simple, but it makes me smile.

"Hi. I didn't know you were here – I thought you were coming back next Tuesday." I say and I keep walking next to him; we know exactly where we're going.

"I was supposed to, yeah. But I didn't like it there, so I left. Plus, you are here." he has a little smile on his face and only now do I notice the paper bag in his hand, "beers." he says before I get to say anything. I nod, smiling.

We keep on walking and about ten minutes later, we finally reach our destination. There is an old, abandoned school that we found out about a few years ago. I still remember that day – I was so scared, especially when I saw these old stairs that were leading up to a big, rusty door. When Chris opened the door, though, we found out that there was a flat roof behind that door, old school chairs then and there. I smoked my first cigarette here. Also, my first blunt. Hah.

The chairs are still placed right in front of the parapet wall that's built along the edge of the flat roof. So we sit down – Chris is already rolling a blunt and I open two cans of beer, handing him his.

"Now. Tell me, what's wrong?" I break the silence abruptly. He doesn't look at me.

He doesn't need to tell me anything, I always know when he's not feeling well. And I know he wants to see me too, but that's not the exact reason he is here.

"Fought with my brothers." he murmurs and licks the wrap to seal the blunt while looking at me.

"Yeah, no shit. Why?" I watch him as I take a sip of my beer.

"Just bullshit. It doesn't matter. They know I'm here with you anyway." he mutters. His hair is a little messy and his hoodie is also too big for him, as usual, "what's wrong with you anyway?"

"The usual." I sigh and place my feet on the parapet wall, the can of beer in between my thighs, making my bare legs cold and making goosebumps rise on it – not the wisest choice to keep these shorts on.

We talk and talk and talk, for hours. We're both high, drinking beer and a mini bottle of vodka that was hidden in his big hoodie, we both had our legs hanging from that low wall and laughing like idiots.

He grabs the back of my head and brings me closer to him, his breath fanning over my lips, "missed this." he whispers and places his lips on mine. I groan in his mouth and start moving my lips against his, my tongue licking his bottom lip. He lets my tongue enter his mouth and I get up quickly to straddle his thighs, sitting on his lap so that I can be more comfortable, without breaking the kiss, of course.

His hands sneak under my hoodie and his cold fingers travel up my back, my hands are buried in his hair, tugging at it gently. The kiss is slow but hungry and I find myself getting lost in it. Then, it hits me. I part our lips and I place my forehead against his, my hands are placed against his chest, "I can't." I murmur.

I can still remember the last time this happened. And the previous time. And the time before that. Blah blah blah. But last time I said it was the last time, because I cried myself to sleep that night. Whenever we get high and we drink, we sometimes make out. Just sometimes. He's always the first one to make the move because I'm too scared. I told myself it wasn't that deep the first time it happened, but I was secretly craving the next time it would. When we didn't make out, I would go home disappointed. Crying, sometimes. I didn't know if I was subconsciously falling in love (or already in love) with Chris or just really deprived of affection, but I was more and more hurt each time it happened.

"What is it?" he whispers and grabs the nape of my neck with both hands, pulling me close to place a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Why.. do we do this, Chris?" I whisper, I'm sacred to even ask the question, but I have to. For my sanity.

"I thought you wanted it." he stiffens a bit, pulling away a little bit.

"I do. And so do you. But why do we want it?" I search for his eyes but he averts his gaze from me every time I try to.

"What kind of question is that.. we're high and we make out. It's not a big deal." he says and I know I will cry myself to sleep again tonight.

"It might not be. For you." I sigh and he tries to sit up, indirectly telling me to get off of him but I don't. He's uncomfortable. So am I. But we have to do this.

"You're fucking high and you're drunk. You don't know what you're saying." he shakes his head and looks away. He knows I know exactly what I'm saying and that's what pains me the most.

"I might be in love with you." I say and the silence gets louder than my goddamn parents earlier.

"I love you too, what does that have to do with anything.." he says, completely dodging what I just said to him.

"Chris. I'm fucking serious. I think I'm in love with you." I whisper and I cup his cheeks.

"Don't do this to me. I can't deal with this." he whispers back, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Do you love me like this, too?" I ask the question I dread the most.

"We can't do this. This just won't work. We're a fucking mess. How will we ever be good for each other? Can't you see it?" he says and my eyes fill with tears; I don't know what to say, because deep down I agree with him, "don't do this to me." he continues and I know he's talking about the tears in my eyes.

He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me as close as possible, kissing my cheeks to catch the tears that escape my eyes, "I just.. you know I can't. Can't do this again."

"Chris.. seriously? We were kids!" I open my eyes just to look at him.

I know I hurt him when we were younger. But that was years ago, he can't keep blaming me for it.

"Yes, fucking seriously. I carried that around for a long time. You knew I was in love with you. You were the only one I wanted to be with." he glares at me and I sigh.

"I've apologised a million times, Chris."

He wasn't wrong. I remember how hurt he was back then – I knew he was in love with me when we were young and took advantage of the affection he was giving me, even though I didn't want him. I didn't feel the same way he did. Or at least, I didn't know I did. So I cut him off out of the blue and told him I would never want him this way. To make sure he knew I never would, I kissed his best friend. I don't know why – I think I wanted to prove that I really didn't like him. Now that I think about it, I wanted to prove myself more than him.

"You apologised and I forgave you. But you can't come here and tell me you think you are in love with me. What does "think" mean?"

"I don't know, Chris! It's.. overwhelming." I groan and I get off his lap, walking towards the door. I don't want to leave. But I don't know what to do, "you hurt me too, Chris. Ever since we kissed for the first time, I haven't been able to do it with anyone else. Hell, every time I tried to even talk to another guy, I could only think of you." I yell.

"Well. We can't be together. That's all I know." he clears his throat and grabs a cigarette.

"That's all you have to say?" I turn around to look at him as he smokes.

Silence.

"That's all I have to say." he mumbles. He gets up. He leaves. I stand there. I grab my stuff and I leave, too. That's what I get for wanting to be with an emotionally unavailable guy, who I know will probably hurt, as much as I will probably hurt him. We're both messed up. Broken childhood with broken hearts.

I walk towards my house crying but I don't want to go home. It's almost 5 in the morning, it's cold and it's dark. I should be in his fucking arms now, not walking around with nowhere to go.

At 05:20, my phone rings. Chris. He is crying and my heart shatters.

"I am afraid I will hurt you more than you already are." he says and I cry, "I'm afraid that one day, my problems will make me unavailable for you and I can't imagine not being able to be there for you. Ever." he sniffles.

"I'm scared too, Chris.. but.. I want to be selfish this time. I want to be with you. I don't wanna think about my parents, I don't wanna think about your friends, I don't wanna think about anyone other than you. I know I am in love with you." I sit down on the pavement and I try to make him hear me as much as I can through the tears.

"Fucking hell. I am in love with you. Where are you? I'm coming."

I tell him and in less than two minutes I see him running towards me. I can see his red eyes and his wet cheeks. He sees me and immediately gets on his knees to be on my level, cups my tear-stained cheeks and kisses me with so much love that I can feel my heart beating normally again.

"You came quickly."

"I always come for you. I go wherever you go." he whispers in between kisses and we fall backwards – I'm on my back and he's kissing me again and again.

"Then never leave me."

"Never."

[cheeseceli]

Skz reacting to your mouth piercing

pairing: skz ot!8 × gn!Reader (individually)

request: could you do a skz reaction to the reader getting angel fangs, like the piercing of it's alright.

warning: maybe a little bit cringey but what can i do

a/n: even though i said "mouth piercing", this can be read as angel fangs as well! i just changed the title so it'd be easier to understand. I wrote a few things about the angel fangs specifically as well. hope you like it nevertheless!

Chan

SUCH A SIMP

When you first told him that you wanted to get a piercing, he was mentally preparing himself to simp over you

But once you actually got it???

So in love with how you look

Besides that, he would help to take care of the piercing until it healed

Always reminding you of what to do and how to do it

"I can't get over of how great you look. Does it feel okay? You're not in pain right now, are you?"

Lee Know

Shiny eyes

Open mouth

Staring at your lips like a kid who's excited

Doesn't say anything for a while

But you know he loved it

The type to be more addicted to your kiss

Would even think of piercing himself after all of this

(ngl i think his favourite type of piercing would be angel fangs, so if that's the case, he is so head over heels for you)

"Can I kiss you again?

Changbin

Huge smirk

And infinite compliments

As long as my man can talk, he'd be complimenting you

The typa bf to take a picture of you like this and set it as his wallpaper

I feel like he'd want to be there while you get the piercing

But if not possible, he'd be waiting for you while being so excited

Would tell everyone how great you look with this new change

Your biggest fan

"Look how great you look smiling in this pic. It's the third time I change my wallpaper this week, because of you."

Hyunjin

*hyunjin's voice" "sexy, hard sexy"🫸

Fr tho, my man's holding back from kissing you so hard

Wondering how he survived all those years before seeing you like this

*flashback to the tongue piercing during trainee day's rumours*

Lowkey thinks about getting a tongue piercing so you guys could "match" as well

(And if we're talking about the angel fangs, he'd paint it for sure. It's cliche but it's true)

Han

Let's face it

He was the one who suggested it

He'd be like "good morning my love. Y'know what ? You'd look amazing with a mouth piercing"

And he's in shock

Positive typa shock

Deadass stared at your lips for a whole minute before saying anything

And when he does say something, every sentence he can form is a compliment towards you

"You look so good"

"I know Ji, you said that a few times already."

"No, you don't get it. You look SO good."

Felix

Such a simp for you!!

He wouldn't know what to do

You'd be talking and he'd be like

looking at your mouth

SO fixated

He's hypnotized

and 100% in love btw

"Felix, are you even listening?"

"Hm? Oh, sorry sorry. It's just, you look... beautiful. Really, really beautiful"

Seungmin

He's trying so hard to keep his posture lmao

but he's freaking out over how amazing you look

Every now and then you catch him lost in the little piece of metal, admiring you with heart eyes

Similar to Chan, he'd also take care of you to keep manutence of a piercing beforehand

I'm 100% but he's so bf material

(talking bout the angel fangs, I believe he'd be the biggest fan of it, he can't even hide it)

"You look even prettier somehow. I don't know how you do it"

I.N

He's dying to kiss you

He needs to kiss you and feel your lips right now in this moment

And he loves how the piercing makes you smile even brighter

He's giggling so much lmao

He swears he could spend a whole afternoon looking at your mouth

Probably will do it anyways

And if he didn't know about the piercing before, like a surprise, he will be so 😯

He's so devoted to you

"I'm telling you, seeing you like this was the best thing that happened to me the whole day"

feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!

dividers by @cafekitsune

[andrewwtca]

Something really sad, and also INCREDIBELY telling, I found in the Ultimanias is how the Destiny Trio's bonds are described. like, Sora and Riku are kind of consistently described as best friends, but when Kairi gets involved, the bond just becomes childhood friends.

Sora: "Though he lived on Destiny Island with his childhood friends, Kairi and Riku..."

Riku: "A young man who cares deeply for his friends and is Sora's best friend and good rival."

Kairi: "A lively girl who possesses a pure heart of light and grew up on the same Destiny Island as Sora and Riku."

I found a translation, as well, of a character correlation diagram and they're the only trio that isn't described as best friends.

I understand that as a whole, their trio is supposed to represent growing up and how your bonds to one another can change - whether that means growing stronger and coming even closer or weakening and becoming distant - but you'll still care about each other. But it still is incredibly heartbreaking to see the main trio's friendship summed up as "they grew up together."

The only place I've so far seen to say different is the Story Before KHIII.

Sora:

Riku (ignore these god-awful screenshots I was literally watching a youtube review to try and read it because I couldn't find it anywhere else. Just trust me, it says 'Sora and Kairi's best friend since childhood'):

Kairi:

Now, I get it that maybe they don't want to use the same language, but it makes the most sense to me to say on Sora's bio to describe them as best friends, especially considering we see HIS bond with Riku and Kairi, but on Riku's? And the fact that Sora is always the 'friendship guy'? (This is just an outlier I wanted to bring up that calls Riku and Kairi best friends, and that's only if you take these translations as 100% faithful, which we have seen time and time again, that they often aren't.)

It almost feels like their friendship is at an all-time low. And don't forget this is the guidebook that leads up to KHIII, which should hypothetically be the peak of their bond, because they're all on the same level (not in terms of Mastery as Riku is the only Master, but in terms of all being Keyblade Wielders), they're all safe, they all have opportunities to tell each other their feelings. This book is a chance to be a celebration of their friendship, of how they overcome and yet?

'Childhood friends.'

I remember, maybe a few weeks ago, there was a question going around on Twitter asking 'if you have to get rid of one trio, which one would it be?' and most people said Destiny Trio and yeah, it's for a very obvious reason! A lot of these same people say that the games just don't do a good job of showcasing their relationship and they're all really good friends with each other, and everyday, it just more and more obvious it's just wistful thinking. This is as close as we can get as a 'word from god.'

And when you look at the game, it's obvious that they're drifting. The last meaningful conversation we had in this group was Sora and Riku in KH2. KH2!!! That was literally 18 years ago (like a few months for them, but that's not the point I'm making)!!! Meanwhile, we got meaningful interactions in both the other trios in KH3 - which, I'll concede, it was because they were separated for long periods of time that they were so meaningful, but if the game wanted to show us Destiny Trio having deep interactions, it could've! Literally, Sora and Kairi sharing a paopu fruit didn't even have a conversation! it was just Kairi inadvertently voicing her (VERY WELL JUSTIFIED) fears that they'll drift away from each other!

The reason Destiny Trio doesn't feel like a trio is because they aren't one! There's Sora and Riku who are homoerotically close, there's Sora and Kairi who have are growing distant, and there's Riku and Kairi who's only meaningful interactions were founded on guilt or Sora.

TL;DR: "Destiny Trio" is slowly turning into "Sora and Riku dating with Kairi constantly left out of the picture"

They really are Destiny Trio because destiny brought them together and that's about it. Destiny can't give them the same drive to save each other as it gave Seasalt and Wayfinders. I mean yeah, they'll physically save each other, but they're so out of touch emotionally with each other. Like Kairi still refuses to process Sora growing up. Riku has never told Kairi about the things he did to try and save her. He's never even told Sora about his jealousy of Sora and Kairi. And god forbid Sora ever tell them about his insecurities!

The apathy towards destiny in Chikai's opening feels like the perfect way to describe what's going on with them. Destiny is there. Destiny brought them together. And that's it. What else is there to care for?

It's also, once again, very telling that this same song then proceeds with very romantic lyrics about making an oath with someONE. Hm. It's almost like even outside the games, on written supplements, we're constantly being told the path the Destiny Trio is on, and we're constantly being shown that every step they're taking is leading them further down it.

Just. OUGH, these kids!!! I need them to stop sacrificing themselves for each other and making these oaths that are all too big for them, and sit down and just TALK. (And please please please let Kairi interact with someone other than these two. Please, it hurts to see her fall away with nowhere to land!!!)

[ittyybittybaker]

“neil is living in andrew’s walls” this is going to live in my brain forever now, much like neil in andrew’s walls,

listen i wrote those tags when i was half asleep and i thought that would be it but i am, in fact, still thinking about it !!!! i picture it like this

nicky and the twins live together in the columbia house (kevin technically doesn't live there but he's at their place like 5 nights a week so he might as well at this point)

the columbia house is OLD, like over 100 years so there's all sorts of weird crawl spaces and an attic that no one ever goes into

neil's on the run, jumps into an open window, and finds their crawl space

maybe he's injured and needs a place to lie low for a while

he heals, but their house is reasonably safe and he can steal food from their kitchen when no one's home and he's made a kind of comfy nest in the attic

his favorite spot tho is the crawl space behind andrew's room because nicky and aaron are too loud (nicky with talking to erik and aaron with katelyn/video games probably). andrew just listens to music and like. reads or something

as he heals, neil gets braver and starts to go out into the house more and more. maybe he cleans up the kitchen every now and then or he folds the towels they leave in the dryer as a thank you for their unknowing hospitality

(really he's just bored from being cooped up for so long, even if their house is the nicest place he's stayed in a long while.)

the cousins start to notice weird things are happening

nicky thinks the house is haunted

aaron thinks they're all just being forgetful about what they leave around the house

kevin thinks they need to check the carbon monoxide detector (he saw a documentary about it once and won't stop talking about it)

but andrew doesn't believe in the supernatural, and he also doesn't think it's a mass hallucination

he spends the most time at home, and he swears he's heard a muffle laugh or too when he makes fun of kevin

and what ghost changes the channel to espn

he swears he sees someone with striking blue eyes in the kitchen one night around 3am when he's getting a glass of water but when he turns on the light there's no one there and the doors are locked from the inside

kevin's not the only one who's seen a documentary, and andrew's just watched one about a man living in someone's walls

he mentions his theory one day at breakfast but everyone just thinks he's making fun of them, so he makes a plan to prove himself right

he researches into the history of the house and find the blueprints in some archival records, and sees the weird spaces in the walls (at the library of course, if there was someone living in his walls he wouldn't risk them seeing his investigating)

neil thought he was being careful, but he was getting comfortable there and he forgot to clean up his attic nest one day. he snuck out to grab some much needed supplies from the store and also to stretch his legs

this just so happens to be the day andrew goes investigating, and finds neil's hideaway

he's there waiting for neil when he returns

somehow neil convinces andrew to let him stay by saying "you've already taken in one stray after all (aka kevin) so why not another?"

andrew has to admit, he's got a point. and he really is very pretty

so andrew lets neil hideout in his room instead of in the crawl space behind the walls

andrew starts spending a lot more time in his room. the others hear strange noises and shuffling from behind the door, even when andrew isn't home

nicky and aaron think he's adopted a pet without telling them

(they're only half wrong)

yadda yadda andriel do their thing, they build trust by sharing secrets and truths and kisses, etc

andrew decides that neil is a permanent addition to his life, and he won't ever have to hide away again

one day nicky and aaron come home and andrew's cuddling on the couch with neil

"andrew, who is this"

"this is neil."

"cool ... where did he come from"

"he was living in the walls."

"... i'm sorry, what?"

"i was right. you both owe me $20"

"...i'm sorry, WHAT?"

"ssshhh, can you keep it down? he just fell asleep."

"Andrew. what the actual FUCK-"

unfortunately, andrew is no longer paying attention. he's much too busy playing with neil's hair as he dozes

and they all lived happily ever after and no body ever lived in the walls ever again

[phantasmagoria-in-neverland]

Until Eternity.

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x Reader.

Synopsis: Miguel has lost you once before, back on your original Earth. Then lost you again, when he found a reality in which the two of you, and your newfound darling daughter, were finally happy.  Now, in one final act of selfishness, he has found you one last time, and he is not going to let you go. Not for the entire Multiverse. or alternatively  I loved you once, I loved you twice, I loved you in my previous lives.

Genre and Warnings: Angsty with a happy ending, more or less. Miguel has a whole lot of issues, what's new. He is also kind of obsessed. There may be some inaccuracies when it comes to the back story, I'm not 100% sure. Also, Gabriella is described to be the Reader’s and Miguel's daughter, but I steered clear of any implication that she has been birthed by the reader, she could very well be adopted.

A/N: This fic was written while listening to “Until Eternity by Blackbriar” on repeat; for an optimal reading experience, get some earphones on and enjoy!

At the beginning of every story, Spider-Man falls in love. Peter Parker has Mary Jane Watson, Miles Morales has Gwen Stacy, and Miguel O'Hara has you. And at the end of every story, Spider-Man’s heart is left in pieces. Mary Jane Watson leaves, Gwen Stacy dies, and you… 

Miguel doesn't let himself think of you too often, he likes to tell himself it is because he is learning how to move on, to heal, but most days, he simply can't handle your memory. Every reminder of you weighs down on his heart just as much as it keeps him moving forward. 

He wishes he could remember you the way you would want, with a smile on his face, and the taste of all the good times on his tongue. And that is how it starts, when he allows himself the chance to look through the pictures of you he collected over the years, it is only when he reaches the end that his heart breaks all over again… when he remembers your deaths. Both of them.

The first time Miguel O’Hara fell in love with you, as it is destined to be, happened on your original Earth, Earth-928. The two of you were young and foolish, him, overly ambitious and with a newly discovered power at his fingertips, and you, content to live your life day by day, enjoying the little things and uncaring of the greater powers at play. 

Still, you had fallen for each other and fallen fast. You had known from the moment you met that you would be each other’s forever, and even now, so many years later, Miguel could attest to that truth. 

At the time, he had not thought, not even for a second, that you could be taken away from him; had not known it would be the sum of all of his mistakes that would kill you.

In hindsight, the older version of himself, the one who has spent years researching the Canon Events, can tell that it had been obvious. In every version of the story, it is always Spider-Man that brings about his own ruin, and it is always Spider-Man, the mask first, and the man behind it second, that kills the love of his life.

It comes easy now, to think of all the things he could have done differently, to see each and every mistake he has made along the way glaring back at him.

Had he been a more attentive boyfriend, had he realized you were as mortal as anyone else, had he not focused only on his ambitions, maybe that night, you wouldn't have been left to walk home alone in the dark, listening to the voicemail he left you that promised you ‘he would make it up to you’. Had he been a better Hero, he wouldn't have lost sight of his origins, wouldn't have left all the small time criminals to be handled by the police because he had ‘more important fights to take care of’. If he had been cleaning the streets as he had promised himself he would do, then maybe he would have caught that mugger before he shot you. And had he been a better man, he wouldn't have searched all across the city for the man who took you from him, would have taken him to prison instead of killing him with his own hands, wouldn't have dishonored your memory in such a way.

But Miguel had spent too long holding your cold body cradled to his chest, spent too long scrubbing your blood out of his hands, and too long crying against your headstone, pleading to anyone above for a second chance, to care. 

Miguel took what little comfort he could get: you died as you had lived, kindly. Your focus, your worry, was on him all throughout your last breaths, not a moment spent caring for your blood staining the pavement. You died pleading for him to keep living his life to the fullest, wiping away his tears with a gentle hand, steady even through the pain you must have been in, even with how much strength every movement required.

“Promise me you'll move on.” you begged him, even when the last thing you'd heard out of him was an empty promise.

And so Miguel lied. He told you that he would never forget you, that had been the truest thing to ever come out of his mouth, and perhaps it was what helped him sell what came next. It was in a shaky breath that he swore he would keep smiling for you, that had been a conscious lie, worth it to see the way your face relaxed, for you to leave in peace.

And yet, in your last moments Miguel realized he had been the one to kill you, and he never knew peace again.

So yes, he could easily admit to all the mistakes he had made, and he had paid for them greatly. When you went, all the joy in the world left with you, and Miguel, who'd been left behind, became a shadow of the man he used to be. 

When he discovered a way to travel through the multiverse, his first thought had been to find you, the second one, was a promise to himself that he'd never go looking for you. Not only there was no guarantee that any other version of you would be the you he had lost, there was also the very high probability that where there was a you there would also be another him. He would not mess with your life simply because he could not find a way to live without you, he had to bear the consequences of his own actions, and that was final.

Up until the second time Miguel O’Hara fell in love with you, not that he had ever stopped, on an Earth not your own.

He had only been looking for a quiet place to retire to, which had nothing to do with you, and could not find anywhere to stay for longer than a few months, nowhere felt right, which also had nothing to do with you. 

When the lies he tells himself, and you, start piling up, Miguel lies again: when he looks at himself in the mirror and pretends he doesn't hate the man he sees.

It wasn't until he saw himself die that his life clicked back into place, and something felt right again. Now there wasn't only a him without you, but also a you without him.

Coming back home to you, even though your house was much less advanced then it had been, and he couldn't begin to recall a single memory portrayed in the photographs on the walls, even though he was impersonating your newly dead husband and praying to all the gods he could name that you wouldn't notice, and the two of you had had a daughter he had never even met, felt like spring after a never ending winter, like rebirth. The day he saw you again, for the first time since your death, Miguel thought the world to be kind.

Your life together, that Miguel now clinged so tightly to, was great for a time. A fairytale really, the future you had both dreamed of when you were still young and naïve, when you had still been you, and the happiest place in the world was the treehouse in the garden of the home you had grown up in and hoped to pass to your child. When late at night, he allowed himself some confessions, a whisper of a daughter to name Gabriella, and all the things he would teach her.

And even though here your treehouse was never built, and you spoke a little differently than he remembered, your dream remained, and Gabriella, your pride and joy since before she was even born, was alive in your arms.

Of course, to preserve the perfection, both of you had to look the other way more than once, and act as if you could not see the dark, obvious truths. 

Miguel refused to even attempt to explain why the husband you had thought you knew everything about, suddenly began waking up screaming every other night, why he had nightmares so dark his chills only went away at daybreak. Why he held you as if you would vanish without a warning, why his eyes seemed unable to ever stray from you for more than a few seconds at a time, why he refused to let you walk alone at night as if the world itself would cave in if you did. Why, when you happily recalled events of your shared past, he didn't chime in as much as he used to, why when Gabriella asked all about how you met, your first kiss and your wedding day, he let you do all the talking; You'd have thought his love was diminishing if he didn't smile through every memory as if the sun itself had blossomed on his lips, if he didn't look at the two of you as if you were the meaning of life given form.

So, it was easy to ignore the paranoia, and the fear in his eyes. The way he seemed to walk cautiously through every action, as if afraid to step on fate's toes, and you could not begin to think of a single reason why he would, why he could not look at you without fearing that one wrong movement could rip all this happiness out of his fists all over again. 

Miguel would not allow, if it was the last thing he ever did, all the years spent together you could not remember, and all the memories you had of him he had not lived through, to be a problem. He could learn how to be the Miguel you loved… the one that wasn't Spider-Man.

Until the problem became fate itself. 

Unknown to him at the time, breaking the Canon is not a forgivable action. When he had substituted himself to the Miguel of your Earth, he had interfered with destiny itself, and that was one more mistake he'd regret for the rest of his life to add to the already long heavy list.

When the world started crumbling around you, even with all his power, all Miguel could do was hold his family close and hope that he could at least shield you from the disaster. But as usual, his hopes are in vain and his prayers go unanswered, as everything he has ever wanted disappears right in front of his eyes once more. 

And exactly like the last time, you prove yourself kind above anything else; kind when you whisper sweet reassurances in Gabriella’s ears, kind when you worry over his well being, kind when all you fear for is your family even when the one closest to fading out of existence is you, and Miguel is perfectly fine. Kinder then he could ever deserve, when even then, you keep looking at him relieved to see him alright.

“It’s going to be alright mis amores, I promise.” And though he means every single shaky word that comes out of his mouth, you look at him with tenderness and resignation in your eyes, as if you knew better, as if you pitied the day he'll realize the truth. But your daughter relaxes slightly in your hold, and the last thing he sees before you disappear is the grateful smile you give him.

Once again, Miguel had lost everything because of himself. 

In a twisted way, sometimes he wanders which time was harder: the first time, when he had actually thought himself invincible, when he firmly believed the two of you capable of a happy ever after, what an idiot, or the second time, when he already knew what it felt like to lose you, when he calculated each and every one of his actions to prevent it from happening again, when he had even more to protect then the first time. He could never give himself an answer.

But the truth is, Miguel can't accept what he has lost. Can't accept that it is over, no matter how much he knows you’d want him to. Can't accept that the more he tries to fight fate, the harder his losses hit, the harder it fights back.

Maybe it is the broken promises that hurt the most, each one of them a failure, a reminder that no matter how powerful he becomes and no matter how much he tries, he’ll never be able to keep you by his side. But although Miguel is many things, many of which he is not proud of, he is not a quitter. 

He spends most of his time since your death carefully erecting a Spider Society, to help prevent what happened to you, because of him, to happen anywhere else. Because who else other than him could do it? Who else knows the consequences, the destruction, as intimately as him? Who else could shoulder this responsibility better than the man with nothing left to lose? 

And although Miguel does try not to think of you too often, you never, not for a second, leave his mind. And neither does the idea of trying again, of doing right by you, this time. 

When she figures out what he has been silently planning, Lyla tries to dissuade him the best she can, afraid that if you were to die in his arms one more time, there would be nothing, no part of Miguel left to salvage. He hears none of it. 

No matter how much she begs him to see reason, she cannot get him to even think of it before dismissing all of her concerns, and that is when Lyla realizes that the only thing that is keeping Miguel moving forward, that is keeping him together, is the idea of being reunited with you. So she keeps her mouth shut, afraid he might break if she didn’t, and never once stops fearing the day history will repeat itself, and put the final nail in his coffin.

When he finds you again Miguel is at the end of his rope, and it is starting to become plain to see for everyone around him. Keeping the multiverse together pretty much single handedly, no matter the ridiculous amount of spiders he recruits, is all but draining what little life he had left out of him, and the thought of being able to hold you again is the only thing that keeps him from crashing. Every single free second he has, that become less and less the further apart the Multiverse falls, is spent looking for you.

Then Miguel O’Hara falls in love with you one last time, more desperately than he ever has before, and not only your Earth but Destiny itself shake because of it.

This time, much has changed. Miguel is no longer the man you have fallen for time and time again, he is something a little twisted now, something unfamiliar. He is a man weighed down by his losses, and he knows that it will only take you one look at him to realize that, he can only hope you'll be willing to look away once more.

Still, nothing else matters when he finds you; you're all he can think of. He looks at you and his lungs fill with air for the first time since you went. 

You are different too, he can tell even from afar, your style is different, the way you carry yourself is different, but most of all, your eyes are much sadder than he remembers and for a second he can't help but wonder if you've lost him too. If this is what you look like when you're the one left behind.

The answer to that question comes quickly. For as much as he wants nothing more in the world than run straight into your arms and never leave again, he makes himself wait long enough to observe. His assumptions were wrong, this Earth's Spider-Man is alive, you aren't alone… although you might as well be.

He should have left, the moment he found out you already had him, he should have left. And he would have, would have left you to your life, keeping his damned claws out of it, would have left this Earth, if with an unsalvageable heart, and never looked back, if only you were happy here. But you aren't, he has seen it.

Had he spent just a little less time watching you, observing, making sure you were content and safe, had he left any sooner, he would have never even known you already had a Miguel. Because your, and that word tastes acidic in his mouth, Miguel is far more content being Spider-Man than he is spending time with you.

In the two weeks Miguel has been… watching over you, your boyfriend, he took the time to check for a ring on either one of your fingers, the pendejo couldn't even bother to marry you, has missed a grand total of four date nights, a frankly uncountable amount of calls, and has made you worry sick in front of the TV watching the news for updates on his health. Miguel’s blood boils just thinking about it, and by the defeated gaze you've been wearing the entire time, this is nothing new.

He doesn't cherish you, that is an obvious truth. He has no idea how much he could lose, has no idea just how much could be ripped away from his fingers, regardless of how good of a Hero he becomes, he doesn't even realize that you are without a shred of doubt the best thing that ever has or ever will happen to him. Miguel has never wanted to punch another version of himself so badly in his entire life.

If something were to happen to you, your Miguel would not find out about it for who knows how long, Hell, he has been watching you for weeks without him noticing, if he were to take you away right now he… Miguel, he would treat you right, he would give you all of his love and attention, every second of his time. You would never be left wanting for anything, least of all him. He knows exactly how important you are, exactly what it feels like when you're taken away and the world caves under him, on top of him, loses all its meaning.

He doesn't let himself think, not even for a moment, that in your original timeline he might have acted the same, just as cold and uncaring. Doesn't want to think that he might have left you sitting all night on a stiff couch, waiting for someone that will never arrive, doesn't want to think that he might have been the cause of the cascades of silent sobs that inevitably follow in the morning, when you're left with broken promises and not even a text to greet you. And most of all he doesn't want to think that you might have loved him anyway, through every slight, unconditionally.

He doesn't want to think of it and so he doesn't, even though it weighs heavy in the back of his mind as he prepares for the mission he has dubbed "your rescue".

The plan is simple, all too easy for him, that has already pretended to be another version of himself before, just to be by your side, always to be by your side. This is nothing but a… tiny inconvenience. He only has to pretend to be your boyfriend, your sorry, changed boyfriend, and convince you to follow him. He'll explain what he can later, once you're settled in the home you used to share in your original dimension that he still lives in.

Things will be rough for a while, he won't pretend otherwise, this change is going to need some time to get used to, but you will be loved, and he will be complete, and whatever it takes it will all work out in the end. 

Miguel doesn't think of the ways it ended before, there is no need, he knows better now. This time it will work out because he wouldn't survive if it didn't, because there is nothing, nothing he would not do, nobody he would stop at to keep you alive. And most of all he doesn't think of your baby girl, of the daughter he has lost that you've never even met, soon enough it won't matter anyway. With you in his arms once more, the way it was always meant to be, he will make absolutely sure that you will have all the time in the world to bring Gabriella back.

When he gathers enough courage to enter your apartment, the smell of you that he has missed so dearly hits him in the guts so hard he has to keep himself from doubling over. The tears in his eyes are a little harder to conceal, but he hopes they might play in his favor, as he sees you hurry towards the door with a shout of his name, and he braces himself for your screams. You have every reason to be angry, you don't know any better, if you want to chew him up he will let you without complaint.

Still, the anger never comes. Even though you should want to punch him in the face, and you look like you do, you run to hug him with no hesitation, relieved. There are tears streaming down your face and you're looking at him as if he had stabbed you with his own hands, Miguel’s anger reaches an all time high at the sight. There is no time to find your boyfriend for a… stern talking to, not now that you need him, but his blood won't cool down anytime soon. In the future, he just might come back for a visit. 

When he looks at you, his expression is softer than you've ever seen it, even he would know that, and he's holding you with the gentleness and care of a porcelain doll, he has to stop his hands from trembling when he raises them to caress your face. The curve of your nose is slightly different, he notes distractedly. He should have known better than to think you'd let your anger show, he had always been the one to scream and rage, and you had your tears and silent disappointment. He is left wondering which one hurt the other the most, the thought goes away just as fast as it came, he won't let any of this ever happen again.

“Miguel, are you alright?” your voice is soft, tentative, like you know that there's something different, that something has changed, subconsciously you probably do. It's enough to gather Miguel's complete attention, and that must be strange as well. 

“Of course querida, forgive me for making you worry.” he hasn't felt this good since the last time he held you.

“I thought you had to stay at work late today.” 

“Yes, well, it was about time I came home for a while. I missed you.” you can't begin to imagine how profoundly he means that. 

“A while?” you sound so hopeful it breaks his heart, and renews his conviction, he couldn't bear to leave now, not without you.

“I was thinking of… a little vacation of sorts, a lengthy one. To spend some time together, make up for lost time.” then as an afterthought, because of all the things he's done and should apologize for this isn't one of them, he adds “Para mostrarte cuanto lo siento.”  

You don't seem to hear the way he sounds a little out of his mind, don't see that what was supposed to be a reassuring smile looks more like a manic grin. He can't find it in himself to care, even though Lyla is here too, and she's looking at him with pity and a hint of badly disguised fear in her eyes. She shouldn't be able to show, or feel, this much emotion yet she does, and he lets her. It's good to see himself reflected into someone else's eyes, even when he blinds himself to it.

When you smile at him as if he'd just handed you the world, happy laughter filling the room that makes Miguel's breath hitch in his throat, he knows he has done the right thing. This time, he'll protect your kindness to his last breath, to anyone else's last breath, you'll never have to part again.  Miguel laughs with you, a sound even he had forgotten, and holds you tight to his chest, as if he could hide you in it and protect you from all harm. All he can think of, as you leave, is that if your Earth were to collapse because of it, right in front of his eyes, at least you'd be safe. At least you'd be safe.

[statementlou]

Maybe you can help me understand. The LATAM promo content has been great in my opinion in quantity and quality. Louis looks relaxed and his answers show thought, humility and maturity, and with his usual sass and humor. This is the most he has shared of himself since his solo career started.

So it's become a real surprise when I've read a few anons write to blogs saying they don't like the person Louis has become, and they like 1D Louis. Another said that they think his persona has gotten "progressively worse and worse". And I'm like, did you not see the years and years of being pushed aside, of being told he had a bad voice, of no support from radio, of stunts, etc fighting for his career. And did they not watch or read his interviews?? So many interviewers during this past week have complimented Louis.

Louis can never win.

I agree, it can really feel like people are just not actually seeing the same content as we are and it's hard not to feel like some of this is that they AREN'T seeing it, like people go way too much off blogs' (often very wild) interpretations of what Louis says and how he says it rather than just listening to him talk or watching him interact with fans. Or maybe it's that they have been believing in these made up versions of him when he hasn't been around for a minute and now that actual Louis reappears it doesn't match up with those ideas and they feel shocked and upset. But if people are saying he isn't the same as he was in 1D well, it's hard not feel like they were NEVER paying attention and are just talking about the made up image of him that was sold by 1DHQ (or saying they don't like him unless he's twinky and flamboyant.) Louis said he "were a lot sweeter back then" and maybe so but in all the core ways, I think he's just the same as he has always been. If people don't like how that looks now that's their right, but he's not gonna be 19 again and he's fought hard to get to decide for himself what image he wants to project and has said over and over that he won't be going back to the 1D version of that, so maybe go find someone else to follow, IDK. Me, I'll just be over here sitting back and admiring what he's like now. I think he's the same as every time he does promo (charming, chill, funny, introspective and smart and willing to share little glimpses of emotional honesty)! It's been a while since he's done so much promo and with so much content to enjoy just now I hope more people will tune into that rather than interpretations of it and discover that for themselves. I am gonna disagree with you about one thing though: Louis CAN and IS winning, 100%, right now in front of our very fucking eyes!!! So who cares about the haters :)

[nogenderbee]

Hi bee, may I rqs oneshot Reo with childhood friends to lover trope?

So reader and Reo are childhood bestie but they both separate for years because reader's parents have a job or something to do that make reader need to follow their parents and leave Reo behind but they made promise that they will meet each other again eventhough they don't know when. Until few years later, they both meet again and surprisingly reader in the same school as Reo

Absolutely! I may or may've not had a bit too much fun with this... but hopefully you'll still like it as much as I enjoyed writing this! ^^

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕄𝕠𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕟 𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕤 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Reo meeting childhood friend!reader

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ no one in TagList

You finally came back to your native city after almost 10 years. You knew there was absolutely no chance for any of your old friends remembering you so you decided to start a new life here.

You were just going through corridors of your new school as you tried finding your class. You brough the paper a bit closer to your face trying to read small letters, you didn't even noticed person coming from the opposite direction which of course lead to you two bumping into each other and loosing your balance a bit.

When you looked up you saw a boy with short purple hair and purple eyes, you were almost 100% sure it was one of your childhood friends, Reo Mikage. You wanted to ask him if it's really him right here and now but you just had to make sure he was alright first.

"Are you okey? Sorry for bumping into you..."

"Y/N? When did you came back?"

But it looks like boy you bumped into wasn't so patient, maybe he was even more excited to see you than you were to see him!

"Just three days ago... Reo? Right? You go to this school?"

"That's me. And yes, I do but looking at your plan, I don't think we're in the same clas... I can walk you to your class tho?"

He said as he handed you your plan after having quick look at it. At least you don't need to worry about finding your next class anymore!

"That'd be great! Thanks a lot!"

"Absolutely no problem."

He answered with small smile before he showed you your next class. On your way he also exchanged phone numbers with you and shared his plan with you so you two can meet whenever you'd like.

"How about I walk you home after classes? I'd be nice to catch up, wouldn't it?"

"Oh totally! Where should we meet?"

"Just wait for me in front of your last class, I will find you."

You nodded at his small suggestion. It was nice way of him saying he doesn't want you to get lost... but it's still nice to see him caring for you like it used to be!

Once final bell rang, you excitedly packed yourself. Not only because you were finally reunited with your best friend but also because you were getting reunited with your crush! You still remember your cute little crush you had when you were children. Some might think you got over it by the years but it wasn't your case... if anything it grew a lot stronger!

"Hello Y/N! Are you ready to go?"

Familiar voice woke you up from your thoughts and catched you off guard as well, leading to you being a bit more nervous. Not necessarily because you were the shy type but because the person you were daydreaming off just now woke you up fromm your exact daydreams.

"Y-Yeah! Let's go!"

But luckily for you, he didn't seemed to notice and slowly walked with you towards your place. Basically it was him guiding you to school gate but from there, you took the lead! But of course, it wasn't a quite walk as the two of you had a lot to catch up!

"I still find it impossible we met so easily you know? I mean... what are the chances I ended up in the same school as you after so many years!?"

"Heh~ Well I'm not really complaining. I know it may seem childish but I think it may be our promise doing it's thing..."

"Huh? What promise?"

Your question made small smile of Reo's turn into one of embarrassment and shyness as his cheeks became slightly more pink.

"Oh... it's fine if you don't remember. It was quite a lot of time that passed..."

He finally looked back at you, back with that small smile of his.

"I remember us promising we'll meet again, no matter how long it takes. Heh~ I even promised I'll fly over whole world just to find you."

That explanation finally hit you, you weren't even watching over your words anymore. You just enjoyed those childhood memories coming back to your head.

"Ah right, now I remember! It was around that time when I barely confessed to you about my crush! Hehe~ I can't believe you remembered it."

"C-Crush?"

When you looked back at Reo you noticed him blushing and with slighly wide eyes. That sight caused you to realize what you just said... and your cheeks also became a bit more red as you thought of possible ways of getting out of this situation.

"W-Well... uhh... hehe... we... we were kids! You know how kids are... uh... silly ideas and all! Heh..."

"Heh, yes... you're right..."

The two of you walked in silence for a little while. You were just about to break it by starting some new topic but it looks like your friend was faster than you.

"Do you still... feel the same?"

He was looking away, his cheeks were burning right now! Could it be that he... felt something for you as well?

You ran away from your crush once, when you were a child. And now world decided to give you another chance and if he's not giving you hints he likes you, then you may as well change school because there's no way you're keeping it in again! Someone needs to be the brave one here!

You collected all your courage and looked straigh at him as you said your next words.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

It was easy to say your sudden eye contact made the boy next to you more flustered but he tried his best to also collect his courage. He didn't wanted you to get the wrong idea after all!

"Would you believe me if I said I do too? Since we were children actually..."

His sudden confession got you a bit surprised. Not only because he loved you as well right now but because he had a crush on you as children and you didn't notice anything!!

"Seriously!? So we both were oblivious of each others feelings for this long...?"

"I-It looks like so..."

In that moment you arrived at your place, as if world wanted to ruin this beatiful moment for both of you. Boy knew where this will go so he gently grabbed your hand, also making you look at him.

"In that case... would you let me take you to cafe? Tomorrow? After school?"

You just nodded excitedly. Both of you were blushing messes in that moment but it was obvious none of you mind, after all that was the moment when you and your crush finally got together! You thought it'll only happen in you dreams and yet here you are!

He soon let go of your hand but just after he placed a soft kiss on it's back. Before walking away he said few last words...

"I can't wait for tomorrow then~"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

[goodluckclove]

A Celebration!

So I have memory issues.

It's for a lot of reasons that I won't get into here, it's really not a big deal. But it plays a fun part in the way I form relationships, especially relationships online. To put it simply, I can no longer really remember how I met @mercuryytheraven. I think I made some post asking people to tell me what's keeping them from writing and challenging them to allow me to fix it. We spoke for maybe thirty minutes, and I remember them saying that they were working on a Warrior Cat's fan fiction, which tickled me because I didn't know people still read those books.

They essentially said that they've been trying to write for some time, but no matter what they did they could never get past around 100 words. Something always got in the way. If I'm being honest, I don't remember what I told them, but it must've been insightful because they've been messaging me almost daily ever since.

Eventually my brain just accepted the presence of this bright, dandelion-fluff of a human being. I would look at my phone and say oh hey, it's them again. I would tell my wife about their exploits and we would remember what it was like to be young and even more confused than we are on a daily basis. Quietly, and I have never told them this, but I started calling them my protege. I don't know if that's arrogant or not.

Mercury is such a treasure of spirit. All it takes is one conversation to see the depth of color they carry within them. They care so deeply and about so many things, a quality hard to find in a world so preoccupied with cynicism and meta post-irony. Not only are they already an insightful and deeply curious writer, they are also an incredibly skilled visual artist. I questioned the validity of the high standards they held themselves to again and again - but then I told myself that I once did the same thing.

When I met Mercury they said they never wrote more than 100 words. That was less than a month ago. Today they just finished the first chapter of the Warrior Cats fanfiction they've been brewing for years. It's just over 3500 words.

Friend, do you know how remarkable that is? Can you imagine that big a breakthrough? I cannot stress enough that this is an immense achievement - not unbelievable, very believable, but hard. Worthy of accolades. Worthy of relishing in!

One chapter is never just one chapter. It's the creation of something foundational that didn't exist before. It doesn't matter if it's a fluffy fanfic one shot or literary novel or long-form au or pulp genre shlock. It wasn't here before and now it is and that is one of the most wonderful things in the world to me.

You might know me as someone against the general romanticization of The Writer as an archetype, but it's moments like these that truly call that stance into question. Because what @mercuryytheraven did today, and what many of you do whenever you can, is truly a precious sacrament. It is ritualistic in nature, a human sacrifice where we are the blood offering and the result is a story birthed from our own transfer of matter.

It is beautiful. So please, if you can, send some congratulations in the direction of our friend and colleague. And the next time you reach a milestone you feel is too small to be remarkable, know that you're wrong. You're doing something special for yourself and those around you with every single word you write, whenever you can write it.

So go write it!

[celticcrossanon]

Dear Celta, so now we know, from your last reading, what Camilla is about. She wants power for herself, not to undertake duty for the country but to serve herself and wishing her own bloodline could become the next king. I wonder why she fears William so much. Maybe knowing that William knows what she did to his mother?

Regarding the Pentacles things in your reading ~ I'm reminded again of comments I read in Quora, that Camilla is after the Greville jewelries. Who's to know if some of the items disappear into her pockets? These are personal bequeath, not Crown jewels. And upon his ascension, one of the first things Charles did was booting Angela Kelly out. She took care of all the jewels when our late Queen was alive, she knew where everything was, with her gone, who would know if this necklace or that ring or some such things were to disappear?

Remember that PR piece awhile ago about how Catherine doesn't enjoy jewelries but Camilla does? Well, I think this was Camilla trying pre-justify to the public why she wears all the awesome jewels and leave the tiny ones for Catherine to wear.

And later we saw Catherine wearing a tiny delicate tiara, which was such a little girl kind of tiara. But it was spun as Charles being gracious to Catherine for allowing her to wear a tiara which has not been worn in almost a 100 years.

Just my thoughts, of course. But that reading, it makes me feel sad for William. I hope catherine will get well soon so that he has her by his side undertaking royal duties again.

Hi AranPandora,

I think that Princess Catherine is giving her husband as much support as she can in her condition. I also think that everyone will be relieved when she is well and healed and able to come back to her duties, especially her husband, who I am sure misses her terribly when he is out and about on what should have been combined engagements (I know some of his engagements are single ones and they should be fine as they were always meant to be him by himself).

King Charles, Queen Camilla and jewellery seems to be quite a tangled topic. I remember the PR put out by Queen Camilla and I am still not sure why she did that - it was to have a go at Princess Catherine, yes, and to look better by comparison, I can see that, but I don't know why wearing jewellery is such a wonderful thing? I am obviously missing something here. I also remember King Charles saying that 'the vaults are open' at the same time, which I took as meaning that he was happy for jewels to be worn by those who wanted to do so.

I would hope that all the crown jewels are carefully listed and checked as part of their maintenance. I don't know about the Greville jewels - AFAIK they were left to The Queen Mother, who left them (all of them? some of them?) to her daughter Queen Elizabeth, and I don't know if Her Late Majesty left them to the crown, so they become part of the crown jewels, or if she passed them on to her son in turn.

The tiara who are talking about was the Strathmore Tiara, and it was a big deal to see it again (for me at least :) ). It was given to the Queen Mother by her parents on her wedding day, worn by her in her early years as a married woman, and then retired. It was passed on to the Late Queen Elizabeth when the Queen Mother died, and Her Late Majesty never wore it. We saw it again on Princess Catherine in 2023, exactly 100 years after it was given to the Queen Mother by her parents in 1923. The tiara itself is from the 19th century, so it is quite old, and history counts for more than carats with the aristocratic set, or so I am told.

For me, Princess Catherine wearing the tiara indicated that she was following in the footsteps of the Queen Mother, a much loved member of the BRF and a devoted wife. This is the woman who refused to leave London during The Blitz because she would not leave her husband, and who toured the damage wearing her best clothes and jewels because she said the people deserved to see them (i.e. they deserved to see her dressed up as a sign of respect for their suffering). By wearing the tiara, to me Princess Catherine was declaring a similar devotion to her country and her family.

[allbluedepths]

This was originally part of the ship bingo post, but it spiraled out of control and became a very large pile of thoughts. So instead, the Wings of the Emperor AU is getting its own ship dynamics post for Shanks, Mihawk, and Benn because it's sorta its own thing, and I'm having a hell of a time trying to figure out how to even tag for it because none of their relationships fit in neat boxes very well.

(Wings of the Emperor AU is my early Red Hair Pirates era AU where Mihawk chooses to not become a Warlord and ends up not joining, but semi-sailing with the Red Hair Pirates. It mostly focuses on Mihawk's early dueling years with Shanks, his interactions with the Red Hair Pirates, and eventually getting swept up into their sailing shenanigans. TL;DR: I had the thought of "who would Mihawk be if forced to answer the question of 'who am I beyond just being a swordsman'" and it all spiraled from there.

For the record, some of the earlier posts aren’t 100% accurate anymore — big one being that I traded the “Mihawk was almost Shanks’ first mate” bit for something else — but this is an indulgent ship post, not me correcting my own lore post LOL.)

So, here’s a pile of thoughts to get my brain in gear to actually write more of the fic itself, haha. : )

This AU is… complicated? I'd say it's endgame Mihawk/Shanks/Benn triad in a very non-traditional relationships way. For example, by the time Mihawk semi-joins them and turns down the Warlord position, even Shanks and Mihawk don't have a concrete romantic relationship, and theirs is still the closest to that, haha. I guess it's best classified as:

Shanks and Mihawk: close relationship bordering on romantic; there's mutual interest, but their definitions of romantic also don't match "standard" definitions of romance, so it doesn't always read as that to others. Rivals/partners with a romantic flair?? Since Mihawk turning down the Warlord position and choosing to join them comes with a good chunk of other upheaval, there's a conscious decision to not really label anything, but they're on the same page of being mutually interested.

Shanks and Benn: hellooooo complex intertwined captain-first mate relationships. The fun duality of being both incredibly simple and incredibly complex. I'm team "many working captain-first mate relationships basically become life partnerships", and they're probably the prime example of that. Inconveniently for tagging purposes, it's smack dab in the middle of "&" and "/" relationships for AO3, so… eh, the vibes are vague. The details past the fact that they're basically each other's most trusted person stop mattering at a certain point.

Benn and Mihawk: Complicated, haha. By far the side of the triad with the most development to be had; right now, it's more like they're separate sides of a V polycule, rather than a triad, but the foundation's there. An odd, unexpected friendship turned an even more unexpected camaraderie as the years go by and Mihawk's around more and more. Absolutely no one outside of them (and occasionally Shanks) can really parse out what's going on here. Again, just over the line of what I'd tag as "&", and develops veeeeeery slowly over the years in its own undefined way.

…That ended up as a whole ass wall of words, haha. Shorter summary if you're looking for general relationship shifts:

Mihawk sails with the Red Hair Pirates (~6 years after the RHP start): only Shanks/Mihawk are semi/almost-romantic

Sailing time until Dawn Island: Shanks/Mihawk slowly get their shit together; Shanks/Benn inch toward maybe another realization or two, Benn/Mihawk "two introvert cats" bond starts really kicking in

Post-Dawn Island: Shanks/Benn get their shit together (thank you, realizations about mortality)

The decade-ish between Dawn Island and current canon: It's a polycule between an Emperor, an Emperor's first mate, and the World's Greatest Swordsman. Who cares if it makes sense to anyone else; it works for them, lol.

If you read this far, thank you, and I hope you enjoyed an unexpectedly long analysis drop for an AU I haven't posted for in a while and mostly exists in my brain right now, haha!

[transbuck]

one year on t!

today is the anniversary of when i started T so i kinda wanted to make a post about what thats been like for me!

under a readmore so if you don't want to read a wall of text about testosterone you don't have to aslkdfjalksd

i'll reblog this post to add pictures of me from the past year

also if you have any questions related to my experience on T, my askbox is open and i do have anon on. :)

so i decided to do the gel instead of the shot because i had needle issues. i don't think i really do anymore though, because for the first year of care, they have you go every three months to get your hemoglobin and t levels checked and they draw blood for that. but i am still sticking with the gel because there's a lower risk of blood clots(APPARENTLY - this was told to me by a nurse PLEASE double check this with your doctor and confirm if thats a concern for you), and since i'm on a hormonal birth control, i want to do everything i can to keep that risk low!

I also started on a half dose bc I was a liiiiittle nervous about it, and went up to the full dose after 6 months.

so. pros and cons of t gel:

pros: no needles (also makes for easier disposal), lower risk of blood clots (again, feel free to fact check me on this)

cons: its daily, i've had issues with acne on my shoulders, can't wear tank tops

overall i think its the best option for me right now, though i might change my mind in the future!

changes so far:

voice - my voice has gotten deeper and is starting to crack. my voice no longer gives me away if someone genders me correctly before i start talking

hair - toe hair, leg hair, arm hair, ass hair. no facial hair. a liiiittle bit of tummy hair

libido/horniness - i had a pretty low sex drive before starting t bc my bc kinda killed any semblance of one i had before aldksfjalkds so im not 100% more horny all the time, it kind of comes in waves. but i am WAY more horny and interested in sex than i was before

bottom growth - this was the thing that concerned me THE MOST before i started. i did NOT want bottom growth, i liked my bits where they were. but honestly its not bad at all. i didn't even notice it was happening. i think its leveled off for now which is good, i'm chill with where its at, but if it does start growing again, we'll see how i feel about it aksdjfklads i've seen some people have INSANE bottom growth. also. if you're thinking about getting on T. bottom growth is one of the FIRST things to happen. so you gotta be chill with it aldskfjalksd

muscle mass/fat distribution - i really haven't noticed too much change in this department yet. i don't really have any fat on me (just a little on my hips and some on my thighs) so that could be why I haven't noticed much change? and i'm not currently going to the gym so idk in terms of muscle mass.

ultimately I'm very happy with where i am in my transition and i can't wait to see what the next year brings! (facial hair maybe? we can only hope)

[buttercupshands]

So I've read ch 421 spoilers

It's a mess. I've been really patient with final arc even though I disliked some of the stuff happening enough for me to dissappear for a year or so.

Even if I dislike AFOmura with passion, at the start he was interesting to really explore how the quirk singularity was supposed to work. Without any "new being" sadly, I was curious what would happen and yet... Nothing.

Okay then what about Toga, Dabi and Spinner? What about their battles? Nothing really

Dabi was the most enjoyable of what was left of LoV with Toga close second. But they're both basically dead at this point. Spinner just existed for a couple of chapters, talked and then poof mission completed nothing else needed of him.

Toga's final chapter is still satisfying, it was similar to Jin's final chapter in a way.

Well what about the new chapter? Nothing

Tomura after 419 had basically become a background noise, maybe he'll come back one day. But not in this chapter.

This chapter is basically AFO talking like him losing Yoichi isn't something that happened 100 years ago. Are we supposed to care that he's sad and doesn't feel anything?

AFO trying to use his "tragedies" like he'll suddenly get a character development from it is just annoying.

Tomura's body in AFO's control now looks even more like a corpse rather than a normal body. Just let him die amd take his body with him if you don't want Tomura to live anymore. I don't care how sad AFO might be from suddenly understanding that his goal is hollow. About time

And now. Getting help in the finale of any arc is honestly something a person reading Shonen manga would expect and it's like a norm rather than an exception.

Except... Izuku is literally quirkless again. What can he really do now? No one really knows that he just decided to throw everything away just for the "crying child that needs saving". People already voiced how dumb that was and yet here we are with "crying child" saved, hands restored, but now there's no way to defeat AFO again.

And the worst thing is is that I actually tried to think about the arc and Izuku's role in it as something good for a long time and it didn't pay off at all.

I still like how he's paying attention to the fact that it's an All-Might merch, but sadly that means he doesn't pay needed attention to what he's going to do now and no one is actually capable of helping him in the moment.

It might as well end in "everyone believes that it'll be okay!" and stuff and that's it. That's all we'll get.

And I'm just lost at what to even look forward to in this finale. But maybe when it'll come out in a volume format I'll understand it better like I did with Izuku leaving UA arc. I basically just skipped it, looking at the leaks sometimes and only after it was finished I read it, two years after it came out I didn't bother watching anime version until this winter.

In the end all we can do is just wait and see, I'll still be doing sketches and stuff, but for now it's really not great or even just good.

(it still looks good tho, since Horikoshi is still Horikoshi)

[jiminsass-istant]

Dipping my feet into a pile of dogsh*t again: JM Tattoo discourse

Okay I absolutely hate bringing this up again, and I wish I could physically, gently hold jkkers hands when they type about this topic again. Maybe hold them hands and look into your eyes with a pleading look. Let's put an end to this, shall we?

One, if you are choosing to 100% believe JK's own words, you are doing the right thing and you can stop reading this as you have already made up your mind.

Now that they are gone, let's consider these facts:

1. JK is an artist. No, he's like a real proper painter and everything. A good one at that. Have you seen him digitally making letters with that cartoonish font? Yeah.

2. JK is a videographer, video editor, photographer, vlogger even. And he's good. You must have heard of GCFs right?

3. Before tattoos are made, your tattoo artist will give you a preview of how they would look. At least you yourself would think and visualise how it would look on your hands. A very visible part of your body. He knew how it would look and be perceived.

4. Crossword formation: JK has a crossword tattoo on his arm. Even primary school children can solve crosswords you know.

5. The JM: Jimin has used "#JM" and "#JMJK" on bts_twt posts since forever. JM in relation to BTS has always been short for Jimin. I don't think I need to bring up the fact the n number of times JK has referred to Jimin as JM.

6. JK is a man of few words. He doesn't churn out lyrics or words or life changing sentences like RM on the daily. His form of expression has mostly been art, music, videos, tattoos, outfits.

About the implications of the tattoo if it is indeed about Jimin:

1. Why would an idol ever reveal that he has his bandmate's name tattooed on his arm if he knows there are very serious shippers in the fandom who would definitely blow this up till the media puts out an article next day?

2. What's wrong with having a bandmate's name on your hand? Now this part is most important to me.

What's wrong with having the name of a man on your hands? The same man with whom he spent some of the worst and best times of his life over the past 10+ years. The same person who JK has repeatedly implied understands him, "we click", and spends a whole lot of time together for a fact. The same person JK goes to spend time with, to share silence and do nothing, after a gruelling day of rehearsals and photoshoots. The same person who he trusts enough to take care of his mental health for possibly the most difficult time of his life for 18 months. If I loved tattoos and had a friend like that, I wouldn't hesitate to tattoo their name on me either.

I heard that 2 members from Ateez, who consider themselves bffs and soulmates also have matching tattoos. There you go. It's not that weird now, is it?

"Then why didn't JK just admit it was for JM?"

Simply because he didn't want to. They are very very aware of the media. Not just k-media. Global media as well. Imagine how the fandom would react if he was that biased towards just 1 member. They'll be doing the usual SCT (screaming, crying, throwing up).

I'll put the JM tattoo issue on the same shelf as GCF tokyo. Something he did despite knowing the implications and how it would be perceived. But did it anyway. JK just does the stuff he wants to, guys. High time you all realise that.

I'm not the type of person who is easily swayed by theories. Either a theory makes sense or it does not. If there are no huge gaps in a theory, it makes sense to me. This is one of those.

Remember how people said JK was lying on Suchwita when he was asked the 'dream' question by Suga and replied he wasn't aware of this segment... because he watched the entire Jimin Suchwita? WRONG. He didn't watch the entire one. In the last segment of Suchwita, our JK was already distracted and went to the kitchen to do something. Then he came back for the ending scene. He actually didn't know about the last questions Suga asks his guests. This is one example of why you shouldn't go with everything the jkkers say.

Anyhoo...i digress.

Final thoughts:

The fandom and even shippers didn't react this strongly when people came up with the BS theory about how the tattoos represented all members. That theory became BS right when JK said that he wished the letters in 'army' tattoo weren't so minimal. The 'A' without the line in the middle was never 'V'. If JK had foresight, the 'A' would have had the line, maybe with a tail and horns on it and flames coming out. You know what I mean. The OT7 theory went out the window just like that.

Just because there's a possibility it means 'JM', doesn't prove or disprove they are 'real'. What it does prove is that they are the best and closest duo in Bangtan. They don't care how their actions towards each other are perceived because they are THAT secure about their friendship/bond. Jimin didn't care when he openly admitted multiple times in 2020 that he spent nights with JK, woke up and saw JK etc. Neither did JK care when he keeps saying they do nothing at night (once in the early years (2014-15), another time when he was asked about the most memorable time of the tokyo trip and it was jm playing all night on phone, and most recently - going to Jimin's room for no reason other than to do nothing (during PTD)).

PS: (fanfic alert)

Jimin notices the JM formation on JK's hands for the first time.

"JM!?.. you love me so much JK. "

"It's not what you think. J is for ...umm JK".

"Where's the K then?"

"......"

"It's okay bro, I'll write a song for you one day. That's how I'll repay this gesture, bro."

"Would you feature me in it?"

"So you admit it's JM??"

"NO!!!"

~~~

[mimiatmidnight]

Hey! How are you? Would like to say that I LOVE your blog, and I was wondering if you would like to update your top 5 H&M moments, maybe add another 5??

Folks, if you've ever wondered what is the oldest message sitting in my inbox, it's this one. (Well, I'm pretty sure there are a couple others that are a touch older but every time I try to scroll back that far, my inbox just glitches. There are . . . a lot of messages sitting in there. Sorry about that 😬). So I just want to say thank you to this anon and everyone else who has sent me tens of messages over the years asking for this updated post (unless the messages were all from the same one person all this time, in which case, my god I'd feel even GUILTIER).

It's been two years since the original, but an even wilder FIVE years since Harry and Meghan wed in one of the most consequential events in modern cultural history. What a wonderful, special day to look back on their relationship, with even more of my favorite moments between these two unlikely lovers. While writing this post, I laughed, I swooned, I cried. And I, uh, REALLY went off the rails at the end. Content warning for just the sickest, sappiest philosophizing you've ever seen. I'd apologize, but I just can't help it. Harry and Meg just have that effect on me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So, with one more thank you to everyone who has been so patient and kind and loving to me these past few years, let's get into it! Five(-ish, lol) more of my favorite Harry and Meghan moments:

5. WE will not look a mess

I'd be remiss not to start this list of my personal favorite H&M moments with what is, judging by the numbers, arguably the entire WORLD'S favorite H&M moment. This iconic video by twitter user @/ddarveyy is perhaps the Sussex Squad's most viral fan tweet of all time? And if qualitative evidence is more convincing to you than quantitative, this video has been blessed with the mark of being liked by none other than Madame Rhianna herself. That's certified social media Diamond. The tweet also spawned some great jokes, ranging from Virgo Harry always making sure to keep his wife looking on point, to some people speculating about certain other, ah, intimate contexts where H might have developed this habit of putting his hands in her hair.

Ahem, either way, I've always seen this touching practice of his as being in the same vein of all those times he watches out for her footing on stairs or treacherous terrain. He's always on standby, always keeping an eye on her, never 100% focused on something else when she's near. You know, just in case she needs help. Or (more likely) just in case he has an excuse to fuss over her 😏 And you know what? Harry strikes me as the kind of man who has waited a long time to have someone to fuss over, someone to worry about and take care of outside of himself. And now that he has that someone . . . well, Captain Wales reporting for motherfucking duty 🫡

BONUS MAINTENANCE FASCINATION:

Yes we're doing bonus content again -- I did say "five(-ish)" moments! The "ish" was forewarned!!!

Anyways, while we're on the topic of sentimentally rhapsodizing about Harry keeping an eye on Meg and her hair, I want to sneak in a reboot of a discussion I had with an anon a few months ago after the Netflix documentary came out. These quiet, behind-the-scenes moments where Meg is getting her dress fitted or painting her nails, and there is Harry happily watching from behind. It's a small thing, I know, but it speaks volumes to me. The intimacy that comes with watching your partner prepare herself to face the world, the peaceful trust and unspoken support. And if you think THAT is me reading too much into it, scroll back to that original discussion and watch me make myself cry over picturing Harry as a kid watching his mom go through her similar glam routine. Y'all don't even KNOW the kinds of crazy parasocial assumptions I can lose my mind over!!!!!

And while we're here barely on topic talking about the intimacy of behind-the-scenes, let's move now from the "before" preparation, to the "after" unwinding (and undressing??). One of the most bittersweet moments from the doc for me was this picture, taken after one of Harry and Meg's final royal duty events. Away from the cameras, and the press, and the people, alone in their kitchen at last. I can think of no better representation of "Leaving the world behind."

4. Meghan "My Husband" Markle

There has been much discussion over Harry being the ultimate "wife guy," and deservedly so. If I tried to put in this post every moment the man has practically glowed with the pleasure of saying "my WIFE," I'm afraid this website would crash from server overload. But a less-discussed, yet equally sweet through line is Meghan being the ultimate "husband girl." And I think no single moment is a better demonstration of this phenomenon than her opening speech last year at Invictus 2022.

Introducing her husband to the crowd of his Invictus family, Meghan said, "I could not love and respect him more, and I know that all of you feel the same. He is your fellow veteran, he's the founder of the Invictus Games, and the father to our two little ones, Archie and Lili. Please welcome my incredible husband, Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex." And then the crowd roared, and Harry and Meghan kissed, and we got all these ooey-gooey heart eyes.

And then as Harry took the stage, overwhelmed by the love of his wife and his community, he choked up.

"Thank you my love."

And I was never the same :')

BONUS "HUSBAND GIRL" SIMPING:

At the 2021 Salute to Freedom Gala, a reporter asking, "Meghan are you proud of your husband?" And Meghan bashfully turning back to answer, "I'm always proud of him." 🫠

And one even blushier, from the African tour documentary. Somebody come pick our girl up off the FLOOR!!!!

3. BAY. BEES.

Ok so I am REALLY gonna have to restrain myself for this section, cause if I put every single heart-bursting baby moment (especially after the FEAST we were delivered through the Netflix doc), I would never be able to finish this post. So I'm just gonna highlight a select few and keep my baby fever in check (and then mayhaps rewatch the entire documentary tonight lol whoops).

Our first real baby moment ever was Harry being so delirious with joy and nerves and just like, raw energy, after the birth of his first child (and then turning around after the big birthday media announcement to thank the horses in the stable behind him 😅).

A few days later, there was a particularly famous photo of Baby King Archie meeting some regal relatives or whatever, but in THIS photo, the two irrelevant old geezers are instead replaced by the new little prince's noble steeds, Guy and Pula. An iconic family photo. Outsold the original, if you ask me 😌

The news of their pregnancy with Lili was world-stopping for many reasons, but most famously it held a powerfully touching connection with the past. Apparently accidentally, Harry and Meghan announced they were expecting their second child exactly 37 years to the day after his mother, Diana, announced she was expecting him. Two extra-special Valentine's Days to remember.

And once again, as I said at the time, I am NOT someone who is particularly occupied with imagining the spirits of the departed watching over us, nor am I crazy about inserting the memory of Diana into discussions in which she has no agency. HOWEVER . . . who could stop the wave of emotions looking at this moment, as the grandbaby she never got to meet reaches out to her photo, through glass and time, trying to hold her hand. Bruv . . . 🥲 Even a motherfucking atheist can occasionally feel God in this Chili's tonight.

I don't even have anything to say about these next two, except to wonder with awe at the universal panacea that is baby snuggles. My absolute favorites:

And lastly, to wrap up this unbearably melty baby section, I have a moment that isn't really about the babies at all. In this video you can watch here, Easter 2021, we have Mama Doria, Meg (bursting at the seams with soon-to-be Lili), the little king himself, Sir Archie, his ever-loyal canine companions, and Harry -- who stands there, on the other side of surviving so, so much, and says almost under his breath, "Come on, family, let's go." And . . . yeah. That pretty much says it all 🥹

2. My Sussex Squad Origin Story

I'm going to keep this one short, cause I know what #1 is about to be and it's a doozy. But I wanted to briefly mention a moment in Harry and Meghan lore that will forever be the most special to me, because it is the one that sucked me into this here community I still haunt to this day.

October 2018. I have just recently managed to recover my old Tumblr password and logged into this site for the first time since middle school. I am scrolling the trending pages and see "Meghan Markle" listed among the top current tags. It says she's recently announced her first pregnancy. "Huh," I think. "I kinda remember hearing she got married." I've never willingly read or watched a single solitary piece of information about the royal family ever in my life. I don't even really know who's who, outside of the members immediately surrounding Diana. But I scroll through the Meghan tag, and I see she and her new prince are on tour. I see a photo. I read the headline attached.

Is that an actual tear spilling out from the corner of my eye? I stare at the tag for a few minutes more. What is wrong with me? Maybe I'll check this page again tomorrow, just to see what else they get up to on this tour. Couldn't hurt to learn a little bit more about this couple that literally stopped me in my tracks. I wipe the back of my hand across my burning eyes. "Well," I think as I try to bring myself back to what I was doing before. "That was weird."

Ha. Little did I freaking know :')

1. A Modern Fairy Tale

And now, to end this long-winded (and -awaited, sorry again >_<) journey, if you will allow me to get a little unbearably sappy.

When I set out to write this Part 2 post in 2023, I was doubtful. Could I even muster up that same enthusiasm, that same untrampled hope with which I beamed when I wrote the original? Harry, Meghan, the world, and I have all lived a thousand lives in these brief five years. There has been so, so, so much unspeakable pain. More than anyone has a right to suffer in a lifetime, let alone half a decade. "And for what?" I've sometimes asked myself. "What is the point in trying to love when there's all this pain that follows?"

This June, we will be coming up on the 10 year anniversary of my absolute favorite Internet meme of all time: Tim Kreider's legendary New York Times Op-Ed "I Know What You Think Of Me," which gifted human history with his startlingly sincere declaration, "If we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known."

Well, there is perhaps no one on the planet who has submitted herself to a more painful ordeal of being known than Meghan. She has bared to the world her vulnerabilities, her quirks, her flaws, her losses, her pains. To think of the life she has lived thus far, and the life that she walked away from to be here . . . I can't pretend that I've always been certain of the righteousness of her choice. But as I was working through writing this post, I reached a point in my research where I landed back on the speech Meghan delivered on the night of her wedding, shared in their Netflix documentary. And she told, as she called it, "a modern fairy tale."

“Once upon a time, there was a girl from LA (some people called her an actress) and there was a guy from London (some people called him a prince). All those people didn’t fully get it. Because this is a love story of a boy and a girl who were meant to be together.

“Amidst whatever momentary worries that creep in, they look at each other and think, ‘Whatever world, we’re in.’

“They would love, and garden, and travel, and laugh, and rack up more air miles than any couple could have.

“And when the tides were rough, they squeezed each other tighter. ‘Nothing can break us,’ they’d say, ‘For this love, she was a fighter.’

“I appreciate, respect, and honor you, my treasure, for the family we will create . . .

“ . . . And our love story that will last forever.

“So I ask you to raise a glass to the astounding assurance that now life begins, and the everlasting knowing that, above all, love wins.”

And so, here I am once again, with real actual tears streaming down my face, listening to a woman who has crossed so many oceans and lost so much of herself to get to where she's sitting today, and yet still, STILL, speaks with the same determination and conviction in love that she had all the way back at the beginning. They have taken so much from that woman, but they have not taken this. And so if Meghan, of all people, can still believe that love is worth it all . . . well, then, how could I possibly disagree?

Happy 5th anniversary to the lovebirds, and my heartfelt wish to you all that you may find victory in joy, love, and peace, just like them.

L'chaim 🥂