#if they can’t respect trans people in the binary

[astrid42]

If I show up to a new card shop for Friday night magic and there are no t-girls, I’m turning around and going home. They are a keystone species of the magic the gathering community.

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

a friend body doubled for me today while i went through pretty much all my clothes and i ended up getting rid of a bunch of old clothes from highschool that i enjoyed objectively bc they’re pretty, but i felt SO uncomfortable in bc i was trying so hard to be someone else.

anyway that also led to us talking about gender and presentation and stuff bc he’s also a NB trans masc person. and i don’t think i’ve had a conversation that felt that good and honest in like. years.

i also came to the realization that for the first time in my life i feel Hot. and it has SO much to do with my hair being shorter. like, i’ve felt cute or pretty at times, but never hot.

but now? me with short hair in black jeans and a flat black sports bra with open flannels or muscle tees and shit? i feel SO good.

anyway thanks for listening to me talk about how hot i am and how great it feels to have other queer people in my life.

[genderfreakxx]

Having my cringe era NOW because Arin Gamegrumps is SO girl to me and I’m not afraid to say it

[homophyte]

mmhhgm 2 AM thinking about HRT…………..perhaps my urgency is influenced by the belief that my transness only becomes acceptable after certain parameters are met and that it is in some way inappropriate to present myself as a trans person while being pretransition . something radical about the exposure of the whole process instead of being one of those instagram transes who pop into existence 7 years on T and post top surgery

[trans-androgyne]

Okay, you can say you’re respecting transmascs’ gender when you kick us out of or bar us from “women’s spaces” once we transition. But consider that in many cases there aren’t other spaces for transmascs. There don’t tend to be men’s spaces to talk about gendered oppression and sexual assault — the latter of which trans men experience at a higher rate than cis and trans women. I know because I have had to create new spaces for trans men myself, using my own time and money. And it’s not easy, and I shouldn’t have to do it. I’ve strained my mental health with it; I can’t expect other transmascs to do the same in their locality.

I want you to evaluate the purpose of these spaces. If your space is specifically about discussing womanhood, that’s its own thing, though I would still ask you to consider including people with a complex relationship with womanhood due to their gender experiences and want to discuss it. But if your reason for making it a “women’s” or “women’s and non-binary” space is to make it “safe” for discussing things like queerness, misogyny, and sexual violence? I am begging you to understand that without other resources you are shutting transmascs out in the cold. Our masculinity does not make us unsafe.

[summerlinenss]

here’s the thing.

if you’re one of the people celebrating our flag means death’s cancellation for whatever reason right now, i need you to realize that this is just a sign that whatever you love is next.

and i’m not saying that out of spite. having your favourite show cancelled is awful, i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. but if our little-gay-pirate-show-that-could can’t get its third and final season, the future of queer media is extremely grim.

ofmd was the definition of a sleeper hit. hbo max had no faith in it when the first season came out. it gained popularity purely through word-of-mouth. but it became one of max’s biggest shows, and it’s since been marketed as their flagship series.

it was the #1 most in-demand series in the world for 8 weeks (7 of those weeks consecutively). it’s currently in the 99.7th percentile of the comedy genre, meaning it’s in higher demand than 99.7% of all comedy series in the u.s. it has a 94% audience and critics score on rotten tomatoes. it’s the most in-demand hbo original series even above euphoria, succession, and the last of us.

it was nominated for 16 awards for the first season alone, including a GLAAD award and a peabody award. the second season was just nominated for an art directors guild award, which it was previously nominated for and won in the same category for season one.

besides awards, ofmd is critically-acclaimed and praised for its representation (including a cast of majority queer, bipoc, and disabled characters) and themes of anti-colonialism, challenging gender norms/toxic masculinity, and self-discovery/acceptance. it also has a diverse team of directors and writers consisting of several bipoc, women, and queer/trans/non-binary people.

on top of all of this, the plan for the show all along was only ever for three seasons. david jenkins only wanted three seasons for the full romcom structure to tell ed and stede’s story. that’s it. nothing more.

this isn’t an attempt to make you care about the show. but ofmd’s cancellation isn’t just a loss for the fanbase and the cast/crew. it’s a sign that it does not matter how successful or profitable shows highlighting lgbtq+ (or otherwise inclusive) narratives are or how many big names are involved. ofmd would not have been cancelled if it were a straight romcom. they would’ve magically found the budget. but corporate greed doesn’t care about us. they have no respect for queer people or queer media. and in the age of streaming, it’s only a matter of time until we lose all of it.

[slithymomerath]

What I really can’t understand about all this “who has it worse, transfemmes or transmascs” and “transmisogyny vs transandrophobia” discourse is why we can’t reject these binaries. We’re the trans community, folks, aren’t we all about breaking binaries?

Transmascs and transfemmes BOTH face oppression. That oppression works in different ways. It is DEEPLY USELESS to fight over who has it “worse” because both of these types of oppression are complex and depend on the individual situation. And y’all are seriously spending your time on fighting each other and invalidating people’s experiences instead of fighting against the oppression itself??? That says something to me about where your priorities are.

I have no respect for anyone with this mindset.

[aimseytv]

i hope you know that you have inspired and helped so many people be comfortable with and come to terms with their own queer identities. i can’t begin to imagine how difficult it is to be unapologetically yourself in the public eye, but you being so open about your identity has changed the lives of so many people, including myself. you’re the reason why i try and be proud and open about being non-binary and being a lesbian. knowing that someone can be successful and also trans and be successful and also be a lesbian and like. still be liked by people and respected and like. just. Be. is so special and important to me. you’ve helped me be confident in my identity and be able to openly say i am a non-binary lesbian who uses all pronouns - like . that is not something i could have ever pictured myself saying openly even a year or two ago. i’m so fucking sorry you’ve faced and continue to face so much hate and scrutiny for just being You, queerness is such a beautiful thing and you just being yourself has really genuinely helped me be accepting of myself and helped me love myself and i just. thank you. 🩵🩵 thank you for still being so open despite all of this hatred. i’m proud of you.

queer joy will forever be one of the most important things to me, as there’s nothing more beautiful. i appreciate you, and all the gamers who read this, i hope you know how brilliant you are. be unapologetically you, even if people on the internet try and stop you - you’re you, and that’s the best version of you. :)

[rebellum]

nooo i wrote a whole RESPONSE to this but then tumblr app crashed and then I had to type the whole thing out AGAIN on my computer and then in that time period the op turned reblogs off. Since they turned reblogs off, I decided to cover up their name, in order to kinda respect that.

my response:

No. It is important to create new words in order to discuss specific phenomena. That’s why words like homophobia, lesbophobia, transphobia, misogyny, transmisogyny, exorsexism, and transandrophobia were invented. 

Sure, lesbophobia is covered under “homophobia”, but lesbophobia is an important word for describing how misogyny and homophobia affect women’s experiences of homophobia. Transmisogyny is covered under “transphobia”, but it’s useful to have a term that specifically describes how trans fems experience the intersection of transphobia and misogyny, not just for being trans, but for being specifically trans feminine, and the ways that expectations of womanhood, femininity, manhood, and masculinity factor into their oppression because of their assigned sex at birth, their presentation, and their gender. Exorsexism is covered under “transphobia”, but it’s useful to have a term to describe how transphobia affects specifically people outside of the gender binary. Misogynoir is covered under misogyny, but the term was created to specifically describe how Black women experience the intersections of racism and misogyny. Of course my explanations here are a little reductive, each one of these examples has much more to it than what I listed. 

In a similar vein, transandrophobia is useful for understanding how transphobia, homophobia, misogyny, and the meta-epistemologies of those discourses affect trans mascs, not just for being trans, but for being trans masc. Oppression, both systemic and on individual levels of discrimination and prejudice, works differently for people depending on the intersections of their identity (assigned sex at birth, assigned gender at birth, presentation, gender identity, race, culture, ability, etc). 

So transandrophobia is useful for discussing specifics like:

The idea of “lost lesbians” and “the trans cult tricking little girls into mutilating their bodies”

The rhetoric of violence around testosterone-based HRT. There is the incorrect idea that people who take T become more violent because they are becoming more masculine. 

This association of masculinity with violence, and how that affects trans mascs. For trans people regardless of gender, proximity to masculinity puts people in danger in queer spaces. People are treated worse if they are trans masc, trans fem and don’t pass well enough to the surrounding people, or nonbinary and not sufficiently ‘safely’ androgynous (skinny, hairless, and white, with no prominent secondary sex characteristics). 

How trans mascs are treated differently when they come out, or when they start to transition. Many people find that people are colder to them, they experience higher rates of abuse, and if they are trans men they are told to not talk about their experiences because ‘they are men and can’t possibly understand misogyny’. The voices of people who aren’t trans masc often end up being listened to more about trans masc experiences, than the people who have actually lived through those experiences. Like, people are shitty to trans people that are masculine specifically because they are masculine.

Corrective rape 

Many people, even in feminist and trans spaces, believe that a man’s gender cannot factor into his experiences of oppression. Eg believe that the fact that they are men is irrelevant to trans men’s experiences, believe that a Black man’s masculinity has nothing to do with how he experiences racial oppression, etc. There are even some vocal people who believe that men cannot be oppressed, and that trans men cannot be oppressed, specifically because being men means they CAN’T experience oppression. 

The idea that trans men transition in order to try to escape misogyny 

Discrimination in reproductive healthcare 

A lot more, it would take ages to list the different kinds of transandrophobia

I also noticed you said “continue to feel its effects if they don’t pass”. But that idea is part of the issue: trans mascs continue to experience oppression for being trans masc when they DO pass. Even if someone is well passing, and stealth, they still directly experience discrimination for being trans masc through things like access barriers to reproductive healthcare, higher rates of abuse, sexual assault, etc. 

So transandrophobia (trans andro + phobia, not trans +androphobia as some people against the concept seem to believe) is, like other specific terminologies of oppression, really useful as shorthand for the specific forms of oppression people face not just for being trans, but for being trans masc.

[spacelazarwolf]

Great arguments good point. I love how when dysphoric binary people (ie people who cared that they would get misgendered) voice the stupid shit people say to them in order to try and be as “inclusive as possible” it’s so silly and goofy. I hope your t can’t get refilled until you learn how to respect actual trans ppl

cvs accidentally gave me a 6 month supply so unfortunately ur wishes are denied ❤️

[cnjosephs]

POLARIS TRANS*

A poem for Pride. Continued under the read more.

As I grew from a little girl to a teenage boy, They said I should call myself trans*, with a star at the end: A star for something unfinished; a star for possibility.

As I grew from a teenage boy to a femme young adult, They said I should call myself trans, with no star at the end: That the star’s sharp points only served to cut and divide.

As I grew from a femme to a gloriously butch dykefag, I thought again about the star of my youth And about all the things it can stand for:

Trans* is for transgender— It’s for language that grows and shifts Like a living being; like a tree; like a child; For Sylvia’s Transgender Action Revolutionaries And for the kids at their high school GSA Walking into the club with their hearts in their hands.

Trans* is for transgressive— It’s for shattering expectations Shattering societies, boundaries, and binaries Like panes of fractured glass; The glass was breaking already, you know, But now we can turn it into a mosaic.

Trans* is for transsexual— It’s for those who pick up an old word That they’ve been told is “outdated” And brush the scorn off of it Like dust off of fine China To display it with pride on the shelf.

Trans* is for transformation— It’s for the little girls who became men, For the little boys who became women, For everyone who became everything, For everyone who became nothing, For everyone who became.

Trans* is for transvestite— It’s for shedding the skin you were forced into Like a snake shedding too-tight scales And growing something that fits you better; Making something new and beautiful, Wearing something beautiful and yours.

Trans* is for transitory— It’s for those of us whose gender shifts Like the phases of the moon; For people who fall asleep a femme fag And wake up a butch dyke And repeat the process again in a week.

Trans* is for tranny— It’s for picking up the stick they beat you with And sharpening it to a spear; Holding it up to defend yourself, To defend your kin, and saying: “You really wanna mess with us?”

Trans* is for those who reject the New Queer Binary— Who answer “Are you transfem or transmasc?” With an annoyed “Neither, actually”; Whose gender is not silence, but absence of noise; For men who are also women, For lesbians who are also gay men; For people so outside the binary That “nonbinary” feels like a chain around their throat; Maybe you can’t be cis and trans But I know you can be cis and trans*, And I know that you can’t draw a line between genders Like the respectable queers pretend you can.

Trans* is for all of us— For boydykes and girlfags, For queens and kings and crossdressers, For masculine women and feminine men, For my oft-excluded intersex darlings; For FTMs who wear suits and MTFs who wear gowns, For MTFs who wear suits and FTMs who wear gowns; For those on hormones and those who eschew them, For those who change their name and those who don’t; For those who want surgery to get a penis or a vagina, And those who want surgery to get both, And those who want surgery to have nothing.

Trans* is for everyone who marked the path we walk on now— It’s for Lili and Dr. Barry, For Roberta and Christine, For Marsha and Sylvia, For Stormé and Miss Major, For Leslie and Lou; And for so many others whose names we do not know Because they were blessed with the safety of privacy Or cursed with the violence of erasure.

If you asked me to name trans-with-a-star I’d tell you to call them Polaris Trans* The gender-variant community’s guiding light.

Trans* tells us where to go— To follow the paths cut by our predecessors, While keeping their drive to explore untrodden ground. To offer our hands for each other: Both to raise each other up when we fall And to fight when we’re under attack.

Trans* tells us who we are— We are faggots and dykes and sissies and queens, We are a bunch of rowdy queers who won’t shut up; We are armed with bottles and glasses, With bats and pens, with guns and paint; We are the people who have only survived Because when nobody would take care of us, When respectable queers treated us like a stain on their flag, We took care of each other.

Trans* tells us who to be— It tells us that we must be so brave and so strong, And so scared and so soft. That we must save our anger for those who hurt us, And not turn it on each other. That we must hold each other accountable for harm, But understand we are all flawed humans, And that mistakes are not unforgivable. That we must not hurt our trans* siblings For daring to be trans* in a way we cannot understand, And that you don’t need to know exactly what stars are made of To love how they shine in the sky.

Historical Notes

The figures referred to in the thirteenth stanza are, in order: Lili Elbe, Dr. James Barry, Roberta Cowell, Christine Jorgensen, Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, Stormé DeLarverie, Miss Major Griffin-Gracy, Leslie Feinberg, and Lou Sullivan.

Sylvia Rivera is the same Sylvia mentioned in stanza four. In the 1970s, Sylvia and Marsha founded the Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries together. They provided housing and care for homeless gay and trans* youth while working towards broader goals of achieving trans* liberation. Sylvia and Marsha kept their kids fed and housed through funds they raised via sex work. 

Sylvia would later say that the death of STAR came at the 1973 Christopher Street Liberation Day Parade, where trans* activists were told they couldn’t speak on stage. Sylvia and drag queen Lee Brewster physically fought their way to the stage and criticized the gay community for abandoning the trans* community after the trans* community had spent years fighting for rights for all of them. Lesbian activist Jean O’Leary verbally attacked them both, claiming that drag was “misogynistic” and “demeaning”, and that trans* people had no place in the gay rights movement. Receiving such a devastating rejection from people Sylvia had considered friends pushed her out of working in activism for many years. 

Marsha was tragically murdered in 1992 at the age of 47. Eight years later, in response to the murder of trans woman Amanda Milan, Sylvia resurrected STAR as the Street Transgender Action Revolutionaries. While Marsha and Sylvia were both integral to the initial work of STAR, I refer to it as “Sylvia’s” in the fourth stanza to make it clear I’m referring specifically to the later incarnation, which used “transgender” in their name. You can read more about Sylvia’s life in her essay “Queens in Exile, the Forgotten Ones”, written just before her fiftieth birthday in 2001. The closing paragraphs of the essay are, in my mind, both a profoundly valiant rallying cry and an agonizing indictment of our community’s failures:

Before I die, I will see our community given the respect we deserve. I'll be damned if I'm going to my grave without having the respect this community deserves. I want to go to wherever I go with that in my soul and peacefully say I've finally overcome. Editor's Note: Sylvia died on February 19, 2002, from complications of liver cancer. She was 50 years old. 

[our-trans-youth-experience]

i’m having difficulty with my name… so i’m non binary (they/them) and ive been named mushroom since i was about 13 (im turning 17).

but the thing is is that i kind of hate being called mushroom… its just so not respectable. people make fun of me for it and you can’t put it on a resume and it makes me immediately visible as trans to everyone in the vicinity which like being trans is fine but holy shit does it fill me with terror about getting hate crimed because literally everyone knows and to be honest i dont really look at myself and see “mushroom” anymore. i think i maybe was once, but its just not me anymore.

i’ve been trying to look for new names, but none have stuck… and this is the only active blog i can find that takes name idea requests. i do feel somewhat identified to mushroom, so maybe names similar? but real, actual names and not nouns. i’d prefer neutral/masc, no feminine names as they make me dysphoric.

i hope this is okay to ask… i saw somebody else doing it and i have been in desperate need for like… a year 😭. i just didn’t want to deal with it and every time i tried i never ran into a name i liked or that fit… thank you all so much!!!!! <<<333

hey there, honestly Mushroom is such a cool name! (although i get where you're coming from as it does fit into the stereotype of nonbinary people calling themselves nouns). I'd recommend finding a name that sounds similar, but does not out you. Here are some ideas to help you out <3 :

Murphy

Moss

Marshall

Merlin/Merlyn

Max

Misha/Mischa

Mason

Moore

Morgan

Mal/Malcolm/Maldwyn

[seraceae]

I saw the TV Glow

I'm still processing everything, but I don't really even feel like I belong to join the conversation. I gradually came out to my close friends when I was 15 but have slowly let those around me forget. I don't remind new people what I am, I let them treat me and call me what they think I am, and I let it be. I don't feel like I deserve to relate to this movie, im not a binary trans person (Can i even call myself trans?), and Im perfectly fine letting the world see me as a girl.

But on some nights theres nothing I want more than to live as a guy. I see my guy friends thrive and I can't help but want their skin. I want to shave my facial hair. I want to be flat. I want my body as malleable as I feel.

On one of those nights I wrote this journal entry:

"It’s friday, 2:38 AM, I’ve got open on my desktop maybe 12 some separate tabs each individual one outlining exactly what thoughts have been floating around my head for the last months. I’m listening to Jordaan Mason, but his apocalyptic post societal trans love is still so imbedded with a sorrow that follows seemingly every conversation around the transgender topic. “This is all I have in my hands, I wanna forget who I am, I wanna fucking forget who I am.” The character is wailing here, her and her lover are clinging onto one another after some fallout has erased any concept of civil society. She shows her lover her post-op transition scars and breaks down. Even in some cold desolate post-apocalypse, surrounded by nothing but love the trans story remains one of sorrow. I can’t help but feel like this is just how its supposed to go, like the ultimate fate of a transgender person in society is to be devastated with the sheer weight of existing. I am loved and I am cherished yet here at 2:45 AM while I am trying to write this goddamn speech for Spectrum chapel I can’t help but feel like I will always end up on the floor, weak and naked. I can’t help but feel like I’m preaching onto deaf ears, I can cry and I can scream and I can preach and I can yell but my choir is living in one of the only safe havens for trans existence. My choir has no need to mourn this month, they at most will celebrate and at least will be mildly annoyed at the celebration. I can’t help but feel I must be the same. I’m a nonbinary trans person who goes through life in acceptance with being mostly closeted. My friends know and respect me, my girlfriend is unfaltering and has done nothing but reassure me, but goddamn it if i don’t still feel so fucking alone. Its 2:51 now, I should really get started on the actual important parts."

Maybe I'll change it all for college. Maybe Maybe I'll take my binder out for a while. Maybe I'll get to being the person I only let myself grieve about in early mornings.

[gently-decaying-flowers]

i love my brother

but i feel like he’s a little black and white when it comes to gender identity- which is bizarre as he’s a trans guy

i’ve changed pronouns/gender identity/sexuality a lot because idk i’m younger and trying to figure out who i am and what feels right- and he calls me the most “inconsistent person he knows”

which kinda sucks

he told me he talked to my mom apparently about how i’d benefit from just calling myself genderfluid and i have two problems with that

1) i’m not out to my mom. i love my mom and she’s so supportive but i don’t want to come out until im sure because i don’t wanna change it up on her all the time. looks like he did that for me tho

2) genderfluid doesn’t feel right to me- at least right now. it’s not my label. i’m nonbinary/genderqueer atm and i don’t wanna change because of how he thinks i should identify

there’s also the added layer that he and his girlfriend are t4t- his partner was nonbinary for a long time and now they use they/she pronouns and identify as a fem nonbinary- WHICH IS SO COOL

but that means both of their gender experiences were a bit more binary- both leaning heavily away from their agab. i think because i still like feminine things (this convo arose last night because i showed him the swimsuit i was gonna get) and im not the more common “nonbinary androgynous” presenting person- or because i don’t lean fully away from more “feminine” things- he doesn’t really understand?

i think in his mind enby is either dressing masc if you’re afab or fem if you’re amab- or the like short hair, baggy clothes, genderless being aesthetic shown in media when it comes to enby people

and all the power to them! they’re valid and amazing as who they are, but when that becomes The Look for nonbinary people it can affect peoples acceptance of enbies who aren’t like that or can’t afford to be because of money, their home life, etc.

all this is sorta to say that you don’t have to listen to what the older queer people around you think you “should be” or what it “sounds like you are” even people who’ve been in the queer community longer have had different experiences than you- and shouldn’t dictate your interpretation of your own identity

also don’t feel bad about being inconsistent!! ever!!! i like telling myself:

maybe it is a phase but it’s not just a phase. it’s the phase i’m in and i deserve to explore it and have it be respected and feel valid, even if it changes

[saramays-blog]

I see you as a logical person and I say this wth outmost respect. 

How can you support men pretending to be women just so they join women's sports and go perv in women bathrooms. This bullshit has to end!!!

Fists and foremost, let's clarify few things that I believe is prerequisite: 

Anyone who transition from male to female because their motivation (predominantly) is sexual in nature, i.e. they like penis and want men to be attracted to them sexually, such as sisi’s and people who fetishize and fantasize to have female bodies to serve their sexual fantasies ARE NOT GENUINE trans-women! And they should NOT be bundled/mixed or associated with genuine trans-women whose motivation for transitioning is psychological in nature and NOT sexual!!!

The above is "in my opinion" and I truly believe in it.

Now that we put the above out of the way, let me answer your question.

Transgender is a broad term and can mean anything a person is transitioning from and/or to.

Not all transgender persons wish to be identified with one of the binary cis-genders. Some might be leaning more towards one or the other.

Example of this is a cis-male who is feminine-transgender and wants to be identified as a she/her but they are choosing to keep their male genitals unchanged.

However, If a transgender-person wants to transition and belong to a specific binary gender such as cis/pure female or cis/pure male and expects to be treated as such cis-gender, then they have the duty and obligation to transition (in all aspects) to that specific binary gender they are choosing. And until their transition is 100% complete (regardless of obstacles they face), they should expect the following:

People misgender them.

Can’t participate in specific cis-gender activities such as sports on a competitive level.

Issues when going to cis-gender specific bathrooms

…etc.

I say the above is because I believe that every individual is entitled to their own beliefs/opinions and can choose what they want to do in terms of their ideology that governs their being; as long as such ideology is not forced on others and does not take away from others, the right to choose for their own self.

Of Course, one can be kind enough to accommodate and be sympathetic to others' choices in terms of the genders they are choosing to identify with but in no way should it be forced or expected!

Q) So to your specific question about trans-women entering cis-women professional sports and whether they should be allowed or not?

A) I think, if a Trans-Woman fully transition from cis-male to trans-woman, which includes the absolutely-necessary (but not limited to) minimum steps:

Be on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) for no less than 5 years, and continue to be on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy).

Do the bottom surgery.

Laser or electrolysis hair removal treatment.

Remove Adam's apple.

Voice feminization surgery.

If the above steps are completed, then such a person will lose all cis-male attributes and advantages and thus, I believe they should be allowed in all women venues including competing in women's professional sports.

The issue, people who oppose transgenders, are having is they see men in womens clothings/makeup identifying as women and forcing themselves on everyone because they think it’s their right to do so.

This above statement (its influence) came from the top down and not from the bottom up. It came from the establishment trying to influence, to divide people and pit them against each other, to distract everyone from the important and real issues that are robbing everyone's rights and freedoms away, and literally enslaving us all. 

It is for this reason I also believe that, whoever falls for this charade and does not go after the real instigators of this fiasco which was all orchestrated by the law makers and the so called elected officials, using what I term as bad-LGBTQ+ paid-actors, in my opinion, such people (falling for all this) are the ignorant sheeple. And this goes both ways, the people who oppose transgender and the LGBTQ+ community.

Basically, NOTHING should be forced on ANYONE period!

[ftmtftm]

I’m sorry but until xenogenders and neopronouns can understand that I don’t want to “share my pronouns”, that I want to go through life as a normal, binary man, that I want assumptions to be made, that t isn’t some fun thing but a medical necessity for the rest of my life, that being trans isn’t a celebration but a condition for me and that I never want to be in a pride parade or even really open about it, until y’all can respect that, every single one of you, at least the fucking majority of you, then i can’t take anything seriously. I have been outed, assaulted, misgendered, and a whole bunch of other shit by “Tucutes” who walked all fucking over me as a binary trans person, I’ve been forced to be okay with they/them pronouns and been forced to be called the t-slur by a fake trans person because it was “affirming” for them to use on “other trans people”, I’ve been forced to wait years for t because the lines weee clogged up because people wanted to microdose it because they didn’t actually want the effects but they wanted to feel special, I’ve been outed as trans by fake trans people who want everyone to know what a cool catch I am, I’ve been told how gross t made me, I’ve been pushed out of every space that makes an effort to include as many people as possible because they start using rhetoric that sounds like the same rhetoric my transphobic father uses.

I cannot ever find joy in being trans, there is nothing to find joy in for me. Ever. I’m sick of people acting like it’s fun and silly and goofy. I’m sick of people appropriating a medical condition. I will always be sick of it. I am truly sorry that you had someone assault you and that they happened to be part of a community that I am also, but all transmeds want is some fucking respect for not doing this for whatever “euphoria” or political reason but because we fucking have to. All we want is respect and to not have our medical condition turned into playing make believe that you’re a “catgender” or an alien or whatever the fuck, do that on your own terms I don’t care, but the association with dysphoria and the fact that you will spit in the fucking faces of dysphoric binary trans people? That’s why transmeds exist

.

Bullet points because genuinely, my patience is beginning to run very thin for you anon. My ask box and the new post button have two separate functions and I think there is one you should be using instead of the other.

This is just attention seeking behavior at this point, and I'll give it to you and I'll be compassionate but I won't let your shit slide.

I'm sorry, but this is genuinely like looking in a mirror at my 15-20 year old self and it sucks and I honestly feel very sorry for you. Your pain and upset is very real. Your feelings do matter. And? You need to talk to a mental health professional. Serious advice. You need a therapist or some kind of support group if you do not have one already. That is a lot of baggage that deserves to be explored with someone who can genuinely help you in a controlled environment - not the askbox of random trans people you take issue with because they remind you of traumatic events in your life. Your triggers and people who remind you of people who have hurt you are your responsibility to deal with. It's not the business of people who are literally just living their lives in ways that make them happy. The world doesn't need to change around you for your own comfort, you need to change yourself to make yourself comfortable.

It's honestly okay if being trans makes you upset. It's okay to lament and even grieve a life you wish you had but can't have because you are not cis. Again though, that is not an issue that people who aren't like you are causing though. It's genuinely your business to deal with those emotions - not theirs.

You are not a doctor. You are not a medical professional. You are not the one giving care and other people's medical needs, decisions, and histories are none of your g'ddamn business. It is absolutely ridiculous that wait times are what they are and that access to care is not what it should be - but that is a failure of the system not the people. You legitimately sound like working class folks who complain about people on food stamps "taking up all the government resources" and people who complain that "immigrants are taking all our jobs" right now. You are putting the burden of the system onto the individual when it legitimately isn't their fault. Ultimately you are actively being failed by the medical system you are attempting to covet, not by your fellow trans people.

I've also been told I'm disgusting for being on T. I've also been told I'm disgusting for wanting facial and body hair, for feeling comfortable in my masculinity, for loving being a man in all of its complexities. Even by other trans people. You are not alone in that experience. The solution to working through those emotions isn't to throw conservative complaining about food stamps and immigrants level tantrums about it like you are doing now though.

Being trans can be fun. Being trans can be silly and goofy. Again, it might not be that way for you and it sounds like you've been in an environment where you're not allowed to love yourself for any reason, let alone for being trans, so it's probably very hard for you to conceptualize experiences outside of your own - but you sound... very young. I promise it gets better with time and distance. Please leave the environments you are in when you are able, they don't sound healthy for you.

Point of order: My ex was not a transmedicalist, by any means. I was assaulted by them and felt disgusting and dysphoric because of it and found transmedicalism on my own afterwards to try to validate my sense of self. I was hurt by someone else and then turned my hurt into a weapon. It sounds like you've been hurt and are also turning that hurt into a weapon. I hope some day you're able to put it down.