#if you dont know what im talking about i envy you. dont seek it out its bad

[blueskittlesart]

not to get in on the discourse now that it's kinda died down but this is exactly why tumblr shouldn't be allowed to touch revolutionary girl utena

[kk43mi]

alr so if you’re okay with this kind of request i’d like to request a fic in which scara is afab!! i’ve seen many people headcanoning him as transmasc and it kinda grew on me :)) i think he’d be sub and enjoy oral but at the same time also less vanilla things like being tied up, restrained, blindfolded.. idk i’ll leave the rest to you :D

please feel free to ignore my request if it makes you uncomfortable! have a nice day or night<3

this idea is so good anon ! yes i also like to think he would like being restrained...hes always demanding you to eat him out and stuff omg i have so much thought into this. you also have a good day/night! excuse if this seems so messy, ive never written a trans fic... forgive me o(*￣▽￣*)ブ

jealousy┊scaramouche

PAIRING ┊trans!scara x softdomf!reader GENRE ┊ smut. WC ┊ 1.4k+ WARNINGS ┊ (in this case this is wanderer, but i will call him scara!) , praise , pussy eating(receiving and giving.) , needy scara , tied up , lowercase intended!!! SYNOPSIS ┊ partnering up with kazuha to work with your mission, scara gets jealous, thinking you were going to leave him for kazu...or maybe have more fun around kazuha. you and kazuha are good friends, always play fighting and joking with each other, scara cant stand the thought of you enjoying someone else, so he gets jealous and demands you to eat him out. A/N ┊ written by kam , hope you guys enjoy !

the bustling paths of inazuma were alive with activity as you strolled along, your footsteps in sync with the rhythm of the city. your mission for the day was to work alongside scaramouche, but you couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment when you learned he had asked kazuha to accompany you instead.

"looks like it's just you and me today," kazuha remarked with a mischievous smile, his amber eyes sparkling. "let’s make the best of it, shall we?"

you nodded eagerly, having grown fond of kazuha's company over the past few weeks. his carefree nature always brought a sense of joy to any situation. as you embarked on your mission, you and kazuha engaged in playful banter and light-hearted teasing, each teasing comment met with laughter.

little did you know, scara was watching from a distance, his eyes following your every move. He couldn't help but feel jealousy rising within him. his blunt, cold demeanor masked a deeper vulnerability, and the thought of you enjoying someone else's company didn't sit well with him.

as the day wore on, scara’s jealousy escalated. he began to repeatedly mutter under his breath, his words filled with bitterness. "why is everyone drawn to her? can’t they see i’m right here?" he grumbled, unable to hide his frustration.

meanwhile, you and kazu were completely engrossed in your mission, unaware of scara’s growing resentment. the sun painted the sky in shades of orange and pink as evening settled in, casting a warm glow on the city. the mission had been a success, but scara couldn't find any solace in that.

finally, unable to contain his envy any longer, scara confronted you as you bid farewell to kazuha with a hug. scaras features contorted with frustration, his voice tinged with a mix of anger and vulnerability. "why do you always have to seek attention from others? can’t you see i’m here too?" he snapped, annoyance evident in his tone.

taken aback by his sudden outburst, you looked at scara, his harsh words only fueling your confusion. "scara, what are you talking about? kazuha and I were just having fun. it doesn't mean I don't appreciate your presence. you paired me up with him, so why are you being like this?!"

"youre being wayy too fucking touchy with him! and exchanging jokes too like as if you dont have me." he crossed his arms, while he puffed his cheeks out, signifying he was irritated. "scara, were just friends and you know that! plus he already has lumine!" you put a hand on your hips.

"yeah but no need to hug him! if you want someone to hug, im here." his forehead popped a vein, clearly telling that he was pissed the thought of you hugging someone other than him. "ugh, im pissed off now. if you enjoy time with him more then get with him." and that made you scoff.

"scara i never said anything about enjoying more with him! look...are you just..jealous?" you came to that conclusion...why else would he be mad, he never acted this way before.

"im not jealous! it was just a violence impulse that took over for a second." he would scoff before shifting his hat to block his face. "so in other words, jealous." you couldn't help but chuckle, and in that moment, he roughly clasped your wrist.

"well im pissed and pent up now! help me." with an effortless grace, he swept you up in a bridal-style embrace, then lifted both of you, soaring towards the direction of your shared abode. "wha-" was the last word you said before he took off.

sooner or later, you both reached your abode, scara gently places you down, harshly grabbing your wrist again. "ah-scara that hurts." your wrist ached at the sides, but your complaints fell on deaf ears as he continued to pull you into the house, heading for your shared room.

you would sigh, before finally speaking. "what do you want? cuddles? kisses?" the echo of scaras firm footsteps resonated through the house as he led you to the room. he harshly pulled you into the bed with him. "eat me out." his words left your eyes open wide.

"seriously..? now?" you eyed at him, intertwining gazes. "im pissed about that kazuha dude, so help me out here!" he can already be seen taking off his garments, till the only armor left visible on him was his black under-suit. "hurry.." he would grab your head, lowering it down to his aching pussy, begging for you to lick and suck on.

"dont order me around." you push his hand off you with a sigh. "ill make it up to you alright..? even though it wasnt my intents to make you jealous.." you whispered the last part. "well then hurry up! need to cum, and we havent been able to do it for so long since you were so fucking busy with missions!" you let out a chuckle. "i know im sorry."

you would move the suit that would cover his heat, revealing his pussy, pustulating on nothing but air. "so eager to be touched already." "mmh hurrryy." he would buck his hips towards you, running out of patience. "now now, no need to hurry, lets make this more exciting for you, mkay?" you eyed at him, before heading to the nearby table stand, you deftly opened the drawer, revealing two soft, neatly folded cloths. with a quick and precise motion, you reached out and secured them in your grasp.

scara rubs his thighs together, looking so...excited. he was biting his lips as he couldnt contain his thrill, he always loved the thought of being tied up. "do you want to try th-" "yes, please." he said with no hesitation. to be honest, you didnt think he would be up for this, so, there you bind his wrists together and then secure a blindfold over his eyes. the thought of not knowing where you would touch next had aroused him so much.

before scara can even say 'hurry', you tongue was already on his clit. sucking and swirling the soft muscle on it. "mmghff~!" scara muffled out, shuddering in pleasure as he moans out. traveling both of your thumbs to his folds, spreading them as you glide your tongue sensually along it. emitting pornographic moans from scaras lips. thighs quivering from the way your tongue skillfully pleasures him.

bucking his hips towards your face more, you take this as in he wanted more...inserting your tongue inside while your thumb caressed small circles on his clit, it sent him into an intoxicating whirlwind of pleasure. eliciting moans here and there. his head thrown back as his hands tried to find something to take hold on.

scara could almost cum on the spot right now...just a bit more and..there you halt your movements. "huh..? hey, whyd you stop..." he would whine, bringing his own fingers to stimulate his clit, but you slap it away. "no touching yourself, plus, im all worked up too." you say and he can hear the sounds of clothes shuffling and falling onto the ground. "lay down." you commanded and he obliged.

and there, youre on top of him, you ass facing him, laid on top of his heat as his arms were secured around you, creating a 69 position. "do it together mk?" he nods eagerly and already starts eating you out like he hasnt eaten in years. your thighs trembles, but that didnt stop you from sucking his clit again. sucking, licking, and fingering his bud had him feeling satisfied, even forgetting why he was pent up in the first place.

moans emitting from your mouth due to the way hes sucking your clit, not even stopping to take a break. stimulating you so hard youre almost at your climax, but you hold it in, wanting to come together with scara. the smell of sex and sweat is filled in the air, tasting his sweet, sweet juices, the flavors dancing delightfully on your tongue. "nnghf! y/n...gonna cum..!" he mutters out, sending vibrations to your clit.

"together..!" were the last words you said before both of the individuals squirted on each others faces. sucking and lapping up the juices that were dripping out. moans and grunts escaping from your lips, and scara tried catching up with his breathing. he let out a sigh, his breath escaping in pants. wet patches staining the bedsheets.

getting off of him, you plop your worn out body next to his. "enjoy?" gently removing the restraints, you tenderly caress his soft cheeks "yeah, whatever." chuckling before kissing his lips. "im tired. lets sleep now." he would mutter out before snuggling himself to your neck. cuddling him to sleep. you guys were exhausted already and you could always clean up the next day. scara forgot all about kazuha, now his worries were gone.

requests open!

[mihai-florescu]

i envy people you talk to regularly youre such an interesting person, i think somewhere theres a life where everyone can fit themselves into and i know you said you prefer being a spectator but ?im not sure how to word it? i think theres something so special about finding the place where you feel like you were meant to be and i think that parts of the world (schooling especially) loves ripping that part of humanity out.. i think that there are people who prefer writing stories and ppl who only prefer reading them but maybe in my mind “spectators” also deserve to find other spectators who also dont fit in in where they r as well but

who knows!! im not trying to sway your opinion or anything its just a very interesting convo that i thought of myself before but in the opposite way you do, where ive thought of myself completely removed from the world but doing everything i can to give myself hope that theres somewhere i can stay if this is the only option i have, id love to listen to your thesis even if its different from what i started talking about i find this whole topic interesting ^_^ sorry if i made this too serious or something ahshdha you can feel free to not answer it i havent had an interesting convo like this in soo long lol

-youtalklikeeichianon

Sorry i didnt reply earlier, im constantly scared. Mostly about this project, then life in general. Ive spent so much time trying to get in mine and other people's heads that i cannot conceptualize the project taking any visual form beyond "having the audience imagine things themselves" but that is so not gonna get me to graduate visual art school... id welcome school ripping out my humanity if it meant id finally be at peace and not struggle, i think thats preferable even. But instead it keeps me going outside my head and trying to be a person when I belong in the wires of a computer or in the clouds instead...

Well ultimately i think school is good for me, it's giving me some sort of structure and identity. Im sure the reason im scared to graduate is 1. Yes i dont think i can make anything visual to express or reflect my research or topic in a meaningful, worthwile way, im not smart enough for that, and 2. What will i be after i shed this status of student? There is nothing i want to be.

I appreciate the hope for a spectator kinship but i worry this part of myself *is* the depression talking and if i find someone else in my state id just go for a suicide pact. If anything i need people whobwant to live and tell stories that i can observe and help make sure they come to life. Like i cant work on my own project without spiraling into "it's worthless" territory but i can help others with theirs becsuse *they* believe and have hopes, and im just passing the time trying to figure out why people seek escapism and why stories impact us, and arriving at esoteric answers that could very well be me projecting on the rest of humanity, except i have some cool papers ive read that i can cite inbetween my own statements about the world.

[amalgamezz]

About your aro post in your tags you said you don’t care for any loves (romantic, familial [<- I don’t feel that one too :D] etc.) does that go for friendships as well? Or are you more of a person who doesn’t care for connection at all? I hope I worded that right…

heya, thank you for this ask, and no worries, your wordings are fine! sorry, this will be a long one because my audhd demands that i should provide full contexts 😔

as i interacted and got to know more about aplatonic and loveless communities, i found a certain solidarity/kinship with them. ever since i was in elementary, friendship has never been something i actively seek myself. i still got along well with classmates. my relationships with coworkers are chill and good. i have mutuals and friendly acquaintances here and there to talk about our shared interests. i try to maintain a good relationship with my family because capitalism sucks ass, especially for single people. in a way, this, too, is how i practice relationship anarchy — to give each casual and non-casual relationship i have a function and learn to appreciate them instead of putting the burdens on one or two committed relationships. for me, friendship has become a label for happy coincidences born out of those relationships after long and frequent interactions, if both parties desire a name for it. i have some positive connections with friends who i trust with my life, and i would mourn intensively should i lose them, but tbh, im not sure if i would personally call it "love".

i was lovequeer before i am loveless. im actually still considering myself lovequeer in a way that i strongly believe that love doesnt have to be romantic and that no kind of love is superior to the other. my personal relationship with love is complicated, but mostly sour. as an aro, i am a fierce defender of non-romantic loves. it annoys me greatly when people casually throw amatonormative phrases such as "there is no platonic explanation for this" or "friends dont do that" around. it is usually a hopeless and lonely battle because people dont really care about "not all loves are romantic" until you reject the concept of love altogether. more often than not, it becomes a gotcha towards aros who express their frustration with obsession over love by society.

this frustration, too, drew me closer to the concept of lovelessness. lovelessness means different things to different people, but for me, its the rejection of love being a superior, necessary, or moral trait of a human being. i had a knee-jerk reaction at first when i learned the term, but the more i read about it and introspect, the more it resonates with me. i remember how my parents hit me when i was a kid. i remember my aunt chewed me out in front of my entire family for expressing my wish to stay single and childless. i remember being driven to tears as my dad sneakily threw out a gift from my friend that i hung on my car and replaced it with a rosary. when asked why, they said because they wanted what was best for me. because they wanted me to be happy. because they loved me. it all sounded contradictory, but i have been with them long enough to know that they were being genuine. i dont wanna think its not a real love because i dont find it useful and more often than not, it only makes me question myself if i have been a fair evaluator and get guilty when i think im not. instead, i just have to accept that good intentions dont always bring good outcomes. their love is real, but its like a sun that burns and hurts more intensively the closer i get to it. i started coming to terms with love being a neutral but strong emotional motive that drives humans to do something — just like pleasure, joy, anger, sadness, envy, etc. whether you do good, bad, or neither because of it solely depends on you. i can acknowledge that they love me, but that doesnt mean they should be able to use it as an excuse to hurt me. this applies to all kinds of love.

i have nothing against love or the people who cherish it, but as i start dissecting and understanding more about love, it becomes less and less significant in my life. i start to realise that i dont need to love someone to bring them happiness or do good for them. i dont need to love my friends to care for or emotionally support them when they need it. i dont need to love my mutuals or even strangers to consider donating for their groceries. i dont need to love the victims of war to condemn the hideous crimes committed against them by some certain govts. love doesnt make me human. i just simply am, and im happy with the loveless relationships/connections i currently have.

[beatbawksradio]

vent about optimism

something else I've been trying to learn is also to outwardly appreciate the good things in my life, rather than just blasting negativity out all the time. bc life is honestly pretty good right now, its calm, i have loving and supportive friends and an amazing partner, and my finances are pretty stable. i think i realized it goes back to that thing i vented about before, about my accomplishments being undermined, and feeling like i can't celebrate anything without it making someone else feel bad or envious or angry.

but, is that any healthy way to live? is that something i should let myself worry about? should i continue to care about the miserable people who look for reasons to be miserable and bring someone else down to make themselves feel better? should i let it affect my ability to be outwardly positive, to talk about my fortune and accomplishments, and to just generally spread optimism in my public online spaces?

bc whats the alternative? if i don't share positive things, then im only blasting social media with art and my silly thought vomit when i get into those moods. im just being Negative, and that's not the kind of person i want to be. but how easy is it to be positive, to share your happiness when you, as a good person who cares too much about the people around you (and NOT around you), cant help but remember how this positivity you shared before had such a deeply negative impact on the miserable you used to be surrounded by? when someone takes someone else's happiness and gets angry or envious over it, is that really your fault? is it healthy to let yourself give in to their will, and stifle your own happiness for the sake of making a miserable person, not happy, but just a little bit less miserable? ...how does that work when the only thing that makes them less miserable is the very opportunity of being able to knock you down and put themselves higher? should this behavior be encouraged? enabled? ignored but still fed into?

i dont have all the answers. im just one guy. but i know myself, most of all, and i know what it takes to be decent and live a happy life. part of that is learning how to accept people for who they are, and let go. i can give advice and show miserable people what it takes to be less miserable all day long, but its not gonna amount to anything if they're not willing to listen, not willing to learn, and most of all, not willing to be an active participant in that change. you can't change people. they can only change themselves. and if someone is perfectly content remaining a miserable pile of selfishness and envy that seeks to use you as their personal emotional punching bag, there's nothing i can do change that.

the only thing i can do, is figure out how I'm going to deal with it. how I'll respond to it. and i choose to not let it stop me from living my best life. i choose to continue being myself and being as positive and optimistic as I'm able to be, because i, personally, want my impact on this world to be as positive as i can muster. there will always be shadows and conflicts, and that's okay, and i don't need to let them rule me or my decision making. there's nothing wrong with me. there's nothing bad or cruel about being a positive minded person. my positivity doesn't torture others, the only ones torturing them are themselves

[penguin--person]

i didnt know u had a milgram oc !! or i forgor... 12 for the ask game!!

hehe i do!! i made her back in like, april or may, and then did Nothing with her... n because we weren't like, that big of friends back then i think? we were close but we weren't divorced yet i think, i didn't know if you'd think me cringe or not for making a milgram oc i think !! n msotly chatted to arc about her... but i should have known better. shes like. girl loser. anyway!! gonna respond to this under cut:3 im gonna do every prisoner. sorry not sorry also i do wanna say, aiko is very underdeveloped. so if any of these things clash. 1) sorry:( shes silly like that 2) shes a hypocrite, sorta 3) some of this will probs change as i (if i) develop her

12. What is their relationship like with the other prisoners? as stated above, i will do every priosoner:3

Sakurai Haruka this guy... this dude.... hes sure a guy!!! what a dude.... i think, they're similar enough for both of them to dislike one another. aiko doesn't like him because he reminds him of her, in a way. he didn't get well cared for by his mother in his youth (neglected) and, i'm not sure about which one(s), but he has disorders also i think? or mental illnesses? i don't know boss . i like mahiru and amane and i only know things about the two of them. and also yuno. bc she's easy to know about. and muu. and umm . kotoko . twirls hair . i don't know much about the men ❤️as in, i while i do care about thinking about them, i prefer the girls, because, the guys are boring, to me . oh you're mentally ill? so am i. oh you're on twitter? im not. oh you have a guilty concience? youre actually pretty cool shidou btut fanon has ruined you for me. oh you, are? ok. oh youre a terrible depiction of did? why does the fandom like you so much. men cannot win in milgram. theyre all so. simple. and so are the women, to be fair, but. you get it. you get it mikey. you get it. anyway, i think aiko would act civil around him, if he tried to talk to her, but wouldn't go out of her way to interact with him. sympathises, though. pre-trial one results probs avoids him. thinks of him as a lost puppy. post-trial one, pre trial-two results, maybe envies the 'bond' he has with mu. post trial two resuls, she umm. well. haruka says "oh you wont forgive mu? ok well ill just kill myself then. loser" and umm uh. thats not. good for aiko. that was her murder, basically. yea also he has "born a guy, treated like a girl because parents wanted a girl" while aiko has "born. a secret. treated like a guy because, parents. something something. trans but never confirmed if she was a canon character, just alluded to."

Kashiki Yuno yuno my good friend yuno.. i think aiko would get along ok with her. again, doesnt seek her out, but! likes her:) thinks shes silly. likes listening to her talk and indulging in conversation. pre trial 1 results, aiko is generally very closed off, but, later on deems yuno a comfortable presence:) and post trial 2 results starts seeking her out to hang out.. likes sitting with her in silence. helps her take care of mahiru after t1. and umm . yuno also takes care of her. unsure if yuno likes her, too, or if she finds her. lame

Kajiyama Fuuta does NOT like him does NOT like how loud he is!!! thinks he should quiet down. doesn't like how brash he is. she doesn't stop him from acting out (doesn't really.. dissapprove of it? doesn't like the ways with which he goes about things, but, doesn't mind that he overall tries to do them? admires him a bit, maybe. but does think hes stupid and dumb). tries to help him after t2, but he'd propably go "psh i dont need your help" and, well, she wouldn't want to push her luck. she's injured herself, after all.. . does care about him and worry for his safety, though.

Kusunoki Muu pre-t1 results, aiko is too out of it to be annoyed with muu. tries to help her a bit at first, maybe, sympathises with her - but soon finds her annoying and stops trying to help her. after t1 results, she wishes muu would act towards her like she does to haruka, but, she doesn't. and. she was voted guilty, so! thumbs down. doesnt like her:( but . goes along with her schemes n such i think. relates to her also.

Kirisaki Shidou - suicide tw for this one hooo boy ok. this one is a big one. due to the nature of aiko's murder, she gets close to this guy. sorta. doesn't like him. so! aiko's murder. its more explained in the link, but, basically, tried to kill herself and.. huh? what?? how is she in milgram if she killed herself?? well you see, basically, i consider the milgram prison more of a concept than an actual prison in its universe. so. milgram just popped her conciousness out from her last moments and into milgram. idk. ✌️the explanation is too long for this but! so. a bit into t1 - either between her and kotoko's trial or after his innocent verdict - she goes to shidou and basically asks him "am i dead? can you do a check up please?" and, i actually think shidou would take her semi-seriously - of course, he knows she's not dead, but, is propably like. just worried for her. he's been declared innocent at this point, anyways - might as well help. so he tells her, "no, youre not dead." and she gets pissed and angry and upset and sad and depressed and doesnt talk to him again until kotoko attacks her. disappointed bc, if hes right, she failed. and. angry because he Must be wrong. he Must be. or. it all sucks and is shit.

SHIINA MAHIRU 🧡💛💗 likes her positive outlook on this. aiko is very 'love-starved', and, although i think mahiru finds her a bit creepy at first, they both warm up to one another:) theyre buddies... injrued buddies... tries to take care of her after kotokos attack, but, being injured herself, she umm can't that much. but they spend time together. shes very "our unlovable guilty verdicts... could be lovable guilty verdicts", and, just, rlly likes that mahiru is so lovely. she's so warm and always has love to give. and. aiko needs that so bad. it Is unhealthy, yes, aiko becomes sorta very dependant on her for most of her emotional needs... sorta like muu and haruka, but, not rlly, because, yuno is there to tell them "hey youre getting a bit too codependent" n keep them in line lol maybe a bit of girl yuri.. who knows

Mukuhara Kazui (why are all the guys blue?) kazui is the closest thing aiko has ever had to a father/parental figure in a long time, but, she will Not let him know she will Not she will Not let him protect her from kotoko because that would mean unraveling feelings and shit. so. yeah. thats all i will say about this. because. i am unsure if thats the path i will take she does dislike him tho. because hes 'stereotypical strong man' n she envies that she cant be that. and, again, the dad thing.. she doesnt like it. that she feels like that

Momose Amane 💛 Thinks she's silly:) likes listening to her talk about her religion pre kotokos attack- after, too, but the others probs kee the two apart (bc, amanes "you cant use medicine" actually works on aiko). but. yeah. feels bad for the kid, and, wishes she was in a better mental state to help her. at least recognizes shes unable to. doesnt stop her from trying to help her with the little things - which, amane does not like. bc. she feels like shes being treated likea little kid.

aiko mae herself:)

Yuzuriha Kotoko finds her intimidating. admires her resolve. rlly doesn't mind her attack all that much.. is a bit scared of her, but, dismisses it as admiration n such. really does Not mind her attack.

[plan-d-to-i]

Wait, Im wondering where does it say in the novel that Jiang Cheng didnt have power after the war because while I dont remember where do they talk about the new disciples arriving to Lotus Pier Im pretty sure they would of gotten some one the wen's treasure

It says it in the hopes and dreams and twitter feeds and tumblr asks of jiang cheng stans of course. jiang cheng's 'tale of woe' isn't that he lacked the power to pay off his life debt and help Wei Wuxian save the innocent Wens, it's that he let Jin Guangshan play him like a fiddle & use his existing resentment against Wei Wuxian, his envy and the daddy issues he so dearly clutches to his bosom, to turn against the guy he'd known for half of his life. A guy he knew was only adamant about doing the right thing & the last person who would seek to grasp power from him. But in a way jc also used JGS to justify it to himself.

The book goes into this. It tracks jc's building resentment towards WWX and the growing divide in their world views from as early on as their time in the Wen indoctrination camp (arguably even earlier). Later it shows how jc overhears all the credit WWX is getting for what he did during the war & night hunt and for reestablishing the Sect. Then it shows how JGS plays on those things. (Not to be misunderstood with 'forced jc'. jc certainly felt some measure of satisfaction to have all his twisted, hateful feelings and resentments towards WWX validated by someone in power, socially & politically) Then lastly it has JGY summarize and confirm the whole thing. JGY doesn't whip this out of nowhere in the temple at the end. mxtx doesn't make it up on the spot, it's woven into the narrative.

salt up here, substance/quotes etc under the cut:

On his way, [jiang cheng] could manage to catch the whispers of chatter coming from behind him...

One of the sect leaders spoke in a sour tone, “This time, Lotus Pier is really the center of the show. Almost all of the spirits and corpses were summoned to the YunmengJiang Sect’s grounds. There’d definitely be a number of cultivators interested in them.” Sect Leader Yao, “What could we do about it? “Whose fault is it that our sects don’t have Wei WuXian’s?” “It’s not necessarily a good thing to have Wei WuXian. I don’t want there to be someone in my sect always stirring up trouble for me.” “Wei WuXian, he really is too bold… Anyways, from now on, I won’t attend any night-hunts that he’s going to.” Someone sneered, “Huh? Interested in them? I don’t think so. To put it simply, they’re interested in Wei WuXian, aren’t they? Didn’t the YunmengJiang Sect grow in fame during the Sunshot Campaign only because of Wei WuXian?”

Jiang Cheng felt his entire body weigh down on him. It was as though something cast a haunting shadow on both his face and in his heart.”

And before jc stans are like omg see he was causing trouble, the next chapter:

“After the QishanWen Sect collapsed, the city that used to be the most flourishing of all cities evaporated into thin air in just one night, falling into ruins. A large number of cultivators searched for new locations of activity, diverging into multiple new cities. Among them, Lanling, Yunmeng, Gusu, and Qinghe received the greatest influx of cultivators.”

so Yunmeng got cultivators. And we even get to know they did thanks to WWX & his fame during the war in the previous section. So no YunmengJiang was not just jc and a couple of buildings 🥺. Also I see this all the time 'rebuilt it from rubble' - Cloud Recesses got burned down and had to be rebuilt not Lotus Pier. YunmengJiang just had to re-collect the cultivators that had escaped and add new ones which they did.

jc unwilling to clarify he owes WQ & WN a life debt:

“Nie MingJue, “You owe them gratitude? Isn’t the QishanWen Sect the ones who caused the YunmengJiang Sect’s annihilation?”

Within these few years, Jiang Cheng insisted on working late into the night every day. That day, just as he decided to rest early, he had to rush to Koi Tower overnight because of the thundering news. He’d been suppressing some anger under his fatigue since the beginning. With his natural competitiveness, he was already quite agitated since he had to apologize to other people. When he heard Nie MingJue mention the incident of his sect again, hatred sprouted within him. The hatred was directed at not only everyone who was seated in this room, but also Wei WuXian.

even when LXC speaks up for them :

Lan XiChen responded a moment later, “I have heard of Wen Qing’s name a few of times. I do not remember her having participated in any of the Sunshot Campaign’s crimes.”

jc : .... . Then JGS (w JGY providing support) launches his manipulation shtick playing on all of jc's envies:

“Jin GuangShan turned to Jiang Cheng, “He’s been plotting for a while to go to Burial Mound, hasn’t he? After all, with his skills, it wouldn’t be too hard to set up a sect of his own. And so, he used this as a chance to leave the Jiang Sect, intending to do whatever he pleases in the bright skies outside. You rebuilt the YunmengJiang Sect with so much work. He’s got a few controversial traits in him to begin with, and still he doesn’t restrain himself, stirring up so much trouble for you. He doesn’t care about you at all.”

Jiang Cheng pretended to stand his ground, “That probably isn’t that case. Wei WuXian has been like this ever since he was young. Even my father couldn’t do anything about him.”

Jin GuangShan, “Even FengMian-xiong couldn’t do anything about him, huh?” He chuckled a few times, “FengMian-xiong just favors him.”

Hearing the words ‘favors him’, the muscles beside the corners of Jiang Cheng’s mouth twitched.”

“Jin GuangShan continued, “Sect Leader Jiang, you’re not like your father. It’s just been a couple of years since the reestablishment of the YunmengJiang Sect, precisely when you should be displaying your power. And he doesn’t even know to avoid suspicions. What would the Jiang Sect’s new disciples think if they saw him? Don’t tell me you’d let them see him as their role model and look down on you?” He spoke one sentence after another, striking the iron while it was still hot.

So it's not: Yunmeng Jiang is weak and we're gonna burn it down if you stand by WWX >:-/. It's: jiang cheng, that servant's son WWX is stealing your shine.

“Behind the sea of Sparks Amidst Snow, the Venerated Trio gathered. Lan XiChen spoke, “Brother, you have worked hard.”

Jin GuangYao grinned, “It wasn’t hard work. Who had to work hard was Sect Leader Jiang’s table. He clenched a few of its parts to crumbles. Looks like he really was angered.”

Nie MingJue walked over, “All clever talk—hard work indeed.”

Jin Guangyao gloating, in knowing that what he and his father were doing playing off each other worked out- wasn't even hard work. Because jc was already envious and resentful and threatened by WWX and wanting to ensure he would always remain his subordinate /under his control. People like him are very easy to manipulate. Lastly, the cherry on the cake, we have JGY's confirmation in the end that this is exactly what happened. The reason his words here are effective is bc they're true. JGY knows it and jc knows it.

“Sect Leader Jiang, calm down a bit, won’t you? I understand what you’re feeling right now. You’re in such a terrible mood only because you know the truth behind your golden core. When you think back on what you did all these years, your proud heart feels a tinge of guilt, and so you’re anxious to find a culprit for what happened to Young Master Wei in his past life, a villain onto whom you can push all liability. Then, you’d lash out at him, both in vengeance for Young Master Wei and to ease some of your burden.”

“If being determined that everything from the Hundred Holes curse to the attack at the Qiongqi Path was part of my singlehanded scheme would ease your troubles, then feel free to think whatever you please. But what you have to understand is that, for what happened to Young Master Wei in the end, you are responsible too and in fact, you are very much so… Back then, the LanlingJin Sect, the QingheNie Sect, and the GusuLan Sect had already finished fighting over the biggest share. The rest could only get some small shrimps. You, on the other hand, had just rebuilt Lotus Pier and behind you was the YiLing Patriarch, Wei WuXian, the danger of whom was immeasurable. Do you think the other sects would like to see a young sect leader who was so advantaged? Luckily, you didn’t seem to be on good terms with your shixiong, and since everyone thought there was an opportunity, of course they’d add fuels to your fire if they could. No matter what, to weaken the YunmengJiang Sect was to strengthen themselves. Sect Leader Jiang, if only your attitude towards your shixiong was just a bit better, showing everyone that your bond was too strong to be broken for them to have a chance, or if you exhibited just a bit more tolerance after what happened, things wouldn’t have become what they were. Oh, speaking of it, you were also a main force of the siege at Burial Mound…”

jc stans : but buT bUTtttt this is just jgy trying to hurt jc's fEEls!! >:-/

YES FUCKING DUH BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S ANY LESS TRUE ♪♬♫. DON'T YOU KNOW THE ADAGE THE TRUTH HURTS.

Ofc the person who saw the biggest opportunity in the strained relationship between WWX & jc was JGS (& JGY). So no jc was not a wee baby with no power and influence who couldn't help WWX.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

[zephyr-paladyn]

masculaxi character analysis/appreciation

it's been over a year since gala masculaxi's release and i'm still not over it

(heavy dragalia lost spoilers ahead)

(gala mascula does not exist btw) i just love how mascula and laxi are designed as two parts of a whole, basically one half of the same ideal/same person. you can't have one without the other. if you heavily favor one over the other i dont trust you... only half joking. when laxi went berserk and mascula had to save her by giving her his heart in their debut ch11, that was just... such a moment... it shows them at their most "separate" (laxi in berserk/annihilation mode, and mascula stopping at nothing to disengage combat.) which sets us up for their development as two hearts in one body. in masculaxi (flame blade)'s story, they're still at odds but they begin to learn to cooperate in the same body, and this is the beginning of their "convergence." in ch14 of the main story is when we see the beginnings of eden mode. when all the androids sacrifice themselves for euden and co to advance, mascula realizes it his empathetic heart that influenced them and led them to their painful deaths. he then shuts down his ego circuit out of guilt. when the team is in a tight spot, and only masculaxi can save the day (since their body is unaffected due to the miasma only affecting organic lifeforms,) laxi goes into their heart to search for mascula and plead him to help her. all this time, laxi had envied mascula's heart for being "more human," but realized that maestro had written the fear of death in all of the android's hearts, and as such, laxi understood the weight of their yearning for peace, with the act of their self-sacrifice for euden. (later we do learn with gala masculaxi that mascula had been influencing laxi more. here we see laxi's influence on mascula to urge him to fight.) laxi gets mascula out of the gay baby jail zone, releases her limiters, and activates annihilation mode hastily. mascula then guides her attacks to the correct targets, which is the first instance we see of mascula engaging in any sort of fighting. in this state of laxi's annihilation mode combined with mascula's guided assault, a new mode beyond annihilation mode becomes available to them: eden mode, when their hearts become one. this mode concentrates all the mana around them inside their body's mana kiln, and gives them even more power. mascula still dislikes fighting and does not want to do it as much, but has a newfound conviction and will not run away when he is needed. an interesting line here is mascula saying this: ▷It's as if he knew our hearts would one day become one. But how...?◁ indicating that from the start, they were truly two halves of a whole ideal. shortly after the release of ch14, we get the release of the flame dagger gala masculaxi unit, which contains eden mode in their gameplay, and expands upon the "two hearts acting as one" deal they have going on. laxi, mascula, and luca head to the ruins of maestro's lab in order to gain more clues on how eden mode works. laxi equips a new armament meant to accommodate eden mode (and demands praise of how good she looks, lol. also laxi is much more snarky in this story which is a treat. she's so funny. but also this shows mascula's emotional influence on her!!!!!) laxi learns of how eden mode works, and essentially it's a release of all limiters and rerouting all circuits to their internal mana kiln, but elimination protocol is activated automatically as well which does not make any distinction between friend and foe. it enhances laxi's combat ability, but mascula has to take care of elimination protocol since he has access and control of it. hence, in eden mode, laxi goes all out in attacking, while mascula controls the body's movements and targets. however this is only possible if their hearts act as one. the two are attacked by dyrenell forces and activate eden mode against them, but mascula temporarily loses the will to fight in the middle of the battle, destabilizing and deactivating eden mode. luca is captured and a villager shields them from an oncoming attack, believing in mascula's peaceful ideals. laxi engages tactical retreat and they escape. they engage in a plan to save luca but are attacked by imperials again. they try to go into eden mode but mascula once again disengages eden mode. mascula tells laxi of his regrets and frustrations that he keeps holding her back, but laxi tells him that she found herself synchronizing with him. with the villager (that mascula had saved before and in turn protected masculaxi earlier,) laxi found the value in mercy for enemies. by having laxi bend towards mascula's will, they're able to take on the imperials who chased after them with a truly synchronized eden mode. ▷Laxi, give me the strength to fight!◁ Granted. Now give me the kindness required to temper my actions. ▷Heh. Take all you need!◁ their system strain falls, and they're able to defeat the imperials. laxi, mascula, luca, and euden talk together after all is done. laxi takes interest in a cat, while mascula teaches her how to interact with it. Euden: Laxi and Mascula say the maestro who made them was a peace-loving man, but... Luca: No, I getcha. Why would some peacenik give something THIS much power? ch14 and their gala story really shows how the two embodied different sides of the same ideal -- "fighting for peace," and how they begin to converge upon that ideal. initially laxi only focused on "fighting" and mascula only focused on "peace," but A compassionate heart. ▷The courage to fight.◁ -Eden Mode, activate!- their character development after this is a bit wonky at times because it sets up for gala mascula who is really poorly written and doesn't necessarily align with the ideals established within ch14 and gala masculaxi, or even the development directly before it either. with ageless artifice and ch18 (when the team first enters the faerie kingdom and gets lost,) we get teasers of mascula with his own body. in ageless artifice, eirene steals mascula's body and intends to use it against masculaxi, but mascula takes control of his body and proclaims that his body isn't necessarily him, but what IS him is his resolve to fight for peace alongside his friends. (stays in line with gala masculaxi, right?) in ch18 we also see mascula having a "nightmare/illusion" in which he gains his body back but at the cost of laxi going berserk once more, showing that they truly cannot function at their "fullest ideal" without each other in the same body. laxi asks mascula if he wants his own body back, and mascula says he sometimes misses it but overall he wants to continue fighting with her the way they are. this is echoed in ch19, take this exchange for example: Mascula, I know you were thinking of your own body while lost in the mountain's illusions. You gave up your body to save me, and I owe you an apology for that. ▷Don't apologize—I wanted to do it. Plus, being with you makes me happy.◁ I want to see a peaceful world just as we are in this body now—together. ▷I feel the exact same way.◁ ▷No more hesitation. You and I are going to fight with Maestro as a team.◁ And together... ▷...we will bring peace.◁ reaffirming their ideals together and keeping in line with their development, right? mascula doesn't WANT his own body back. he wants to keep fighting with laxi, that's THE WHOLE POINT OF THEIR CHARACTERS. which does not make sense when we get the remote control BS IN THE SAME CHAPTER??? (teased from the ending of ageless artifice with chelle) and mascula has his own body again as a remote control system. now the portrayal in the main story wasn't AS bad but... the real problem comes to gala mascula as an adventurer with his stories and voice lines. this "mascula" proclaims of how much he loves/misses his body and how he "doesn't need laxi dragging him around anymore." like sure he sometimes feels being in laxi's body with her is bothersome but overall, at his heart, he wouldn't really say something like that??? mascula your voice lines are so contradictory to what just happened in the main story and what you said in ageless artifice what happened!!!!!!! his adventurer story lacks the cooperative laxi-mascula dynamic we knew and loved, and instead pushes mascula front and center to try to push him to do things himself. we didn't really need mascula getting his own body back anyways, but you COULD'VE AT LEAST written it so that they have more emphasis on cooperation with each other?? god im sorry i just. AUGH he's so OBVIOUSLY hastily pushed into their development arc and he loses his characterization. it's obvious gala mascula wasn't intended to be a thing in the initial plan for masculaxi... i am not forgiving every single one of you who sent in feedback for playable mascula. once again only half joking... maybe only a quarter joking. 1/8ths joking. radioactive decay graph joking. (also just a tiny nitpick: you can apparently run gala mascula and laxi/gala laxi on the same team. lore compliancy who? eden mode can't be activated while the remote control unit is active. but whatever) though another interesting plot point is brought up in his story though? maestro's origins, the writing of "seek peace" on mascula and laxi's bodies being in a language that only the sky city ark people would know.. with such an elaborate plan for such a complex android duo, and everything else mysterious about this man, just who is he? his master plan of masculaxi was really amazing to see come to fruition... maestro fought on the side of dyrenell, against dragons -- against elysium you could say. although ex machina seeks the destruction of terrestrial life because they "allied with the dragons" (a misconception,) on the contrary maybe maestro aimed to create an ultimate weapon for terrestrials to defend themselves against the dragons. however this weapon had to also understand the value of what it was fighting for -- learning for itself how to go about "fighting for peace." thus, the creation of the twins mascula and laxi; two halves of a whole. by having a compassionate and adaptable heart, they can change with the times, understand the people around them, and decide on their own what the best course of action is in various situations. i love love LOVE masculaxi and how they're written!! (for the most part.) two of my faves in the game and i love them and their characterization so much, i just wish more people could see the intricacies of their relationship and how they're literally like. 1/2 of the same thing. it's such a beautifully written dynamic and development, and i want others to appreciate it too.

a little bonus, in this character art, you can see the "star tetrahedron" shapes. in sacred geometry symbolism, the "star tetrahedron" is the sixth shape enclosed within "metatron's cube." these shapes, and this cube, are said to maintain the balance of the world itself and its flows/processes. as for the "star tetrahedron" itself, it represents duality: physical body and spiritual self; male and female; and heaven and earth. this ties into mascula and laxi's characters: mascula controlling the "mind" in eden mode while laxi focuses on the attacking "body;" and mascula and laxi being of different genders. as for "heaven" and "earth," this could represent maestro coming from the sky city ark, and masculaxi being technology intended to aid humans. alternatively for "heaven" and "earth," the fact that the star tetrahedron is enclosed within "metatron's cube" may be a pointer to metatron in-universe. the archangels all have white hair, a trait shared by masculaxi. additionally, sandalphon is somewhat mechanical/technological herself. masculaxi being man-made (of the earth,) versus their potential connection to the angels (of the heavens.)

[ihaveissuesbutthatsokay]

EREMIN URBAN FANTASY (I THINK???) AU!!!

WARNING : strong language, mention of blood, of a missing person, grief and mention of depression

The forest. That's what everyone called it. But It wasn't really a forest. 

Not a normal one, anyway.

There was something inside. Something sinister. Everyone could feel it the moment they entered. You could feel it the moment you entered, the air suddenly getting colder, shivers forming up your skin, and feeling a burning hole behind your head where you swore you could feel something, someone, watching your every step, your every movement, your every breath.

You were known as the boy who seeked freedom. 

 People tried to venture into the forest. Dreaming of exploration, dreaming to see what awaited on the other side of the forest. That's why the town folks would prepare expeditions to go outside. 

 After all, being trapped in a small town with nothing but a wide forest to keep you company, that's not freedom. It was almost as if the forest wanted to keep you tight, too afraid to let go, too afraid to watch you wither away. But you wanted to go away. You hated this small town, this confined space. 

No one came out alive in the forest. 

That's why the town stopped entering the forest altogether. It was too dangerous. Too reckless. But you were the boy who seeked freedom. You wouldn't give up. 

Why do you never give up, goddamnit!

You were reckless, naive, young. You thought the world bended at your own rules. You thought you and your friends, together, would be untouchable. 

I was wrong. 

That's right. You were wrong. 

And that's why you will always hate yourself for dragging your friends into this mess. That's why you wished you weren't the boy who seeked freedom after all. 

----

Armin couldn't sleep. Not that it was something unusual. He could barely sleep these past few years, with school work piling up, finals right around the corner, and generally just life being a complete shithole of a mess. 

He had three unfinished assignments due tomorrow. And it was already 3 am. He couldn't concentrate, couldn't focus. He could feel his eyelids closing up by themselves, his hand loosening up on his pen, his head about to drop on his desk---

He sighed in defeat, and stood up from his chair more violently than it was necessary. 

Coffee. He needed coffee. 

He made a face,just thinking about drinking it.  He hated the bitterness that crap had to offer, the sensation of his tongue being burned while he tried to chug it into one go, as he wanted to be done with it. 

He hated it, but he needed it. 

The caffeine kept him awake. 

Mikasa would always chide him about this. At how unhealthy of a coping mechanism it was, to rely on a substance to keep him awake. 

He still remembers how two years ago,  exactly 4 months after the incident, how she would constantly tell him to stop drinking that burned bean water, probably very worried at the lack of sleep Armin clearly was not getting. 

“You don't even like it.” She would frown. 

 Armin would laugh at the name Mikasa used to describe the coffee, avoiding the last statement.  “Since when did you start calling it like that?” 

Mikasa would frown again, knowing what he was doing. She didn't push him though. instead, she would just shake her head. 

“Sleep.” She would say very seriously, while giving him a sideway glance. “You need sleep.” 

Armin would look at her dead in the eyes, at the dark circles surrounding them, at the way she kept her body, the way her skin didn't have the same glow it used to have, her face hollower and emptier than it usually looked. 

“So do you.” He would softly whisper in return. She would just shrug, and the conversation would always hit a dead end there. “Besides,” he would add,  after a moment of silence, “I do like coffee. Now.” 

“Oh.” She would say. Not convinced. 

“Yeah.” He would answer. Trying to make the lie sound convincing. To whom, he didn't know. Mikasa or himself? Perhaps both. 

“Okay.” She would respond. “That's good.” She would grip her red scarf thighter, a gesture Armin noticed she would always do when she was nervous, sad or upset,  and from that,   Armin knew that she didn't believe him at all. But neither of them  commented on it. It was a comforting lie. 

Now as he was standing alone in his small kitchen, still sleep deprived, not listening to Mikasa’s advice, with  a cup of boiling hot coffee in his hand, moonlight reflecting on his windows, a single tear slipped down his eye.  It trailed all down his cheek, slowly, until it plopped into the drink he was holding with shaky hands. 

He missed him. A lot. God, he missed him so much. 

 He missed his smile, his eyes, his laugh, his everything. The way he would scream in excitement, the way he would always run at the high, high hill, always fist pumping into the air when he thought he won, only to get disappointed when he realized Mikasa was just letting him win on purpose.He missed the way he would get excited when his mom would bake him a new cake, the way he would always bring Armin a piece  afterwards, eager to see his reactions while eating it. 

“So?” He would ask, more close to a demand than a question, his tone full of youth excitement. “Do you like it?” 

“Yeah!” He said, surprising himself. Not that Eren's mom was a bad cook, not at all. But the cake flavor was coffee, and he never saw the appeal to this grown ups drink. Strangely, however, he really enjoyed this one. Thinking back at it, maybe he was just forcing himself to like it, cause he wanted to see the boy smile widen. Maybe he just wanted to love everything Eren offered him. Maybe he was just a delusional kid with a crush. Who knows. It was too late to dwell on it now.  

“Your mom is an awesome cook.” Armin commented, licking some frosting off his hands. 

The boy gloated in pride. “She said she will help me learn how to bake if I behave.” 

“I thought you weren't allowed to bake anymore,” Armin said, still chewing on the cake. “Last time we baked at your house, it was a bit of a disaster.” It wasn't as big of a disaster as they made it out to be. But they were childrens, and everything seemed a bigger deal than it was. 

He huffed in response. “That wasn't my fault! It was the oven's fault…” he murmured. Armin laughed. “I dont think your mom agrees with that.” 

The other boy shoved him playfully. “How was I supposed to know I can't just  bake coffee beans?” 

Armin sighed. “I told you it wasn't a good idea. You never listen.” 

“Whatever.” He said, plopping his legs on Armin’s lap. 

“Hey!” Armin yelped, the boy's dirty feets almost getting into Armins plate. “I'm still eating here.” 

Eren laughed. After a bit, Armin joined in. 

They laughed, and laughed, and laughed. 

Armin's laugh never quite sounded the same after he was gone. 

Neither did Mikasa’s for that matter. Probably the others too, but he lost contact with them, so he couldn't say for sure. They still all went to the same school, sure, but it was almost as if they were complete strangers, everyone collectively ignoring each other, in a desperate attempt to forget the incident. The only person he still talked to was Mikasa. And she, too, sometimes seemed so far away, like a mirage ready to dissolve right under his fingertips. 

Armin was about to take a sip from his coffee. More like chugging it down in one go, but he froze right as the cup touched his lips. 

His hands started to tremble, from fear or cold, he couldn't distinguish. Despite the heat of the beverage in his hand, he suddenly felt really cold. His arms shivered, his hands turning white as he clenched to his cup as if it could give him a sense of support. By gripping it too hard, some coffee splashed onto his hands, and he let out a hiss of pain. He put the coffee on the table, careful  not to spill anymore. 

 He started feeling feverish, his head becoming a dizzying mess. He put a hand on the counter, for support. He felt like an invisible force was pushing his lungs, pushing until he couldn't breath, until he was coughing, and coughing, he needed air, he desperately needed air, but it was as if whatever was making him feel likethis, hated air, hated it with a burning passion, and it wanted to make Armin hate air as much as it did. 

Armin felt like fainting. He probably was about to faint. He didn't know how it happened, but suddenly he was kneeling on the ground, 

This is it. He thought miserably. I am going to die, today, alone, without even knowing if he is still alive, leaving Eren behind, leaving Mikasa behind, leaving everyone behind, because im  a failure, and, and, and---

And then it stopped. His lungs could breathe again. He gasped, desperately trying to inhale as much air as possible, the burning in chest slowly fading away, even if  his head still felt like someone was smashing a rock onto it. 

But he could finally breathe again, and he could feel his pulse. He wasn't dead. He was alive. That's what mattered. He took another shaky breath, and used the chairs and the counter as support to stand up again. His legs were still shaking though, so instead of standing up, he opted to sit on the chair. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Those were the only thoughts going through his head, as he tried to sip his coffee again. That sensation, that feeling. There was no mistake. It was just like the incident two years ago, the same burning sensation, the same desperation to just give up, to do anything, anything, just so the pain could stop, the envy of being able to breathe---

“Ymir.” 

The cup shattered on the ground, a sharp sound echoing through the empty hallways, coffee spilling everywhere. Armin didn't even notice. He was frozen in place, hand still raised, eyes still looking in front of him. 

That voice. He couldn't make sense of anything. Except : That voice. 

That voice. I know that voice. I would know that voice everywhere. 

He turned around so quickly his chair went flying to the ground, glass splintering his bare feet from where the glass shattered. His eyes widened, tears spilling out of his ocean blue eyes like fountains. 

“Eren?” He whispered. He took a step forward, hand reaching out, trying to touch him, hug him, kiss him, just feel him under his touch but---

His hands went right through him, as if...as if he wasn't real. A look of hurt and confusion shadowed Armin's face. “Ymir.” The man in front of him said again. He sounded monotone, no emotions, no feelings, no nothing. His face didn't seem like an open book anymore, his eyes not gleaming with millions' adventure. 

 “You have to find Ymir.” 

“Eren.” That's all Armin could muster to utter, his voice shaking, his lips trembling. Was this a sick joke of his brain? The sleep deprivation finally kicking in? Making him almost pass out, and now hallucinate his missing-but-much-more-likely-his-long-lost-dead-best-friend?

“Listen to me, you have to listen to me, you need to find Ymir, or else, or else, or else.” He kept repeating the same sentence, as if he was a broken recorder. He closed his eyes, opened them again, closed them again. Armin took a step backwards. His mind was starting to creep him out. 

“Eren, is that really you, please tell me I'm not hallucinating you.” He needed to ask, even if it was probably all fake, all his mind–

“Or else.” He closed his eyes again, muttered some stuff.

“Or else?” Armin whispered. “Eren, talk to me, please.” 

“Ymir. Find. Ymir.” 

With that, Eren started to fade again.

“Wait, no!” Armin didn't want him to leave, not right after he finally got to see him again. He didn't care this might all be his head. He didn't care this might all have to do with what happened three years ago, he didn't care, he just wanted his best friend back, he just wanted to be able to laugh and mess around, and talk about the future as if they both had a clue, he just wanted Eren back. 

In his desperate attempt to reach him, Armin slipped on the spilled coffee; he could feel blood oozing from his feets, now from his hands, a stinging pain forming all around his skin. He didn't care, didn't notice. He struggled to get up again, and when he slipped again, he decided to crawl, not caring about the glass shatters on the floor, not caring about the pain, the stiffness of the floor, the red blood mixing with the brown coffee, he didn't care, he just needed to reach him, try again to touch him, maybe he imagined him fading under his touch, maybe it was a trick of the light, maybe he truly did come back, maybe, maybe, just maybe---

“Dont.” He whispered, more like a mix between a sob and a beg. “Don't go.” 

“Armin–?” He sounded surprised, shocked, relieved, happy, nothing like the creepy expression and monotone voice he had before when he was muttering all those things, the same name over and over again, what was it again---he couldn't remember in the moment, the only thing in his mind was that he recognized him, he saw him and he knew who he was, and he said his name so gentle, so quietly, as if he was uttering a precious thing he didn't want to break–

“Eren.” Armin said, reaching his arms out, knowing, just knowing, he would reach his arm to, and they would hold hands, and everything would be fine again, he would have his best friend back–

But just as suddenly as he appeared, he disappeared. 

And Armin couldn't do anything but curl up on the ground and cry, and cry, until his mind encircled him into a deep, unwanted sleep. 

[bitchfitch]

concept im probably never going to do anything with: american cis het white man who idolizes and strives for that post 9/11 idea of true masculinity (guns, violence, cold stoicism, nationalism disguised as patriotism, sad and brooding tough guy survivor who doesn't need anyone else besides 1 (one) pretty lady to tame him, you know what im talking about) but can never come close because that sort of behavior is just not in his nature. he takes this to mean that he is not a True Man tm and goes to self destructive extremes to try and force himself into this mold.

then he meets a man who is, on the surface, everything true man wannabe, wannabe for short, wants to be. hes silent unless he needs to bark an order or be quietly and roguishly charming, hes cool and collected in any circumstance, closed off and mysterious, hes a force to be rekoned with in a fight, hes james bond levels of suave and has no problems charming the women at the bar but turns them down when they ask if he wants to spend the night with them because he has a Fiance tm that hes fiercely loyal to.

Hes everything Wannabe wants to be and more. and Wannabe envies him endlessly. Wannabe tries to mirror him, to pick up on his endless luck, to be him. only to find it an impossible task.

and then they get home, or enough time goes by that Wannabe starts to see through the seems of the perfect mans facade. Perfect man isnt trying to put on this facade, its just a mixture of trauma and practicality. And Wannabe doesn't know how to handle that. He sees perfect man be so much Happier when he lets the facade drop, when hes imperfect, when he indulges his femininity alongside his masculinity.

and Wannabe learns to accept the femininity that makes him happy, through watching the perfect man do so.

notes: i decided wannabe should cishet and white, but i could see him in almost any demographic depending on what sort of story you wanted to tell.

ftm- for a character that maybe strives for this peak masculinity because he believes its what will finally get everyone to accept him as a true man

mtf- for a character whos scared of her femininity and what it means.

gay/bi- tbh, i kinda think this story only works if wannabe isnt interested in men. i dont want to risk either him or the audience assuming his obsession with perfect man is romantic or sexual. because while that can be interesting, it adds a facet of confusion to what would already be a fairly complex and delicate narrative.

aro-ace or aro but not ace- i could also see wannabe needing to come to terms with just not Wanting a relationship and seeing that as a failure on his part, because what True Man Wouldn't want to be in love with a nice lady?

ace but not aro- this would also be about him needing to come to terms with just not being sexually interested in anybody. what True Man doesn't want to go to bed with Every pretty lady?

poc- tbh im not in a position to speculate on how every single racial identity would intersect with this kind of character, bc like... theyd all be radically different? the reasoning behind an east asian man seeking out this level of toxic masculinity is going to be radically different to why a black man would do the same thing. and thats assuming hes still american, because changing his nationality would also change the base culture that made him like this and bla bla bla im not qualified to talk on this.

[iconsumeheadcanons]

tag game!

rules: post the names of all the files in your wip folder, regardless of how  non-descriptive or ridiculous. send me an ask with the title that most  intrigues you and i’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something  about it! and then tag as many people as you have wips.

here we go lmao

(these dont include any i have on paper...gomen)

persona

pokemon thing 1 - makoto and kotone ikutsuki get permission from their adoptive father to travel the country and catch pokemon! i think i posted this on ff.net actually...

fanfic in my google docs? its more likely than you :/ - ren gets in trouble at his new hometown highschool and struggles to trust his recently divorced mother

theater food - pq2 i dont remember writing this! ren pines for theodore, futaba makes fun of him

p5 roleswap au and p4/p5 crossover - ive posted some of these under my writing tag, as well as links to the docs, but if anyone is curious...

hoo boy - this is my p5 in a psychiatric hospital fic. i have two chaps on ao3 and some random bits on my doc

tales of

i have only one...

i hope emil knows i love him - just rewriting dotnw, skipping big events covered in game and just writing in betweens. i have 2? or 3 chaps on ao3, but i have more...not much but more..

tua

do not look at me im embarrassed - five is having an overwhelming day so grace decides to take him on a walk in the park!

the grievances of a grade schooler - for 567 week, each sibs thoughts on others in their trio and how they still feel alone amongst their best friends

sick day - 567 week, vanya is too sick to attend the fancy house party so five and ben join her and they get up to shenanigans together

sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, and so on and so forth - 567 week, international students vanya, ben, and iwo meet up in the summer to catch up on each other and with all the power ben wishes he had, if he could suddenly have the courage to ask out his crush, stacks manager jill, he wouldnt have to deal with being a fifth wheel for this outing. vanya and iwo have no sympathy

“the fall of sir hargreeves’ umbrella academy’ by vanya hargreeves and numbers one through six - 567 week, the hargreeves sibling reflect on their lives and how their powers have led them to the place theyre at now

hide and seek envy - 567 week, vanya spends a regular day in the umbrella academy with her brothers and misses back when they all got to play and train together

i want to be number seven when i grow up! - ben receives fanmail from an overzealous goth fan, and he, vanya, and five ponder on their own careers

a girl’s night out! (y sus tios) - 567 week, claire’s mom is sick so five, ben, and vanya take her on a trip, and this siblings get to experience what its like to turn back time without the world ending

Okay!!! thats the last one i have a name on.. i also have ocs that i can talk bout, but this post is long enough

any of you story or au creators? i love to see ur wip list!

[11toe11-blog]

ennegrams of eye

I enter for insight and grace of truth

----

Not so easy to come to the paper today. Though it was much easier to meet the body today. And both last night. 

Was watching a video yesterday on Ennegram and Non Duality

https://youtu.be/ajoce4FqH2s , i sense this realm of AND. The realm of AND is both the realms of confusion and clarity. When the binaries of right and wong dissolves. To keep holding on to the  steady gaze of the observer as colours flood in , is keeping the nose above the water and the vantage at the brink, to be able to see both the worlds. 

How does one not give into confusion?

How does one keep finding clarity?

One does by maintaining one's intention for it, i suppose.

AND in Theatre

Our Theatre put out this animation Pyade- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJkuoLIqszo&t=25s. Of pawns having a conversation. About wanting a shot at the King. A chaaver. To take the place of the king. ANd it is a perspective i have instinctively subscribed to. But today, maybe another vantage opens up. I also see the evolution of systems to maximise chances of collective survival. “The king” then is the epitome of the evolution of the culture - of body, mind,  and essence; hence is guarded. Is trusted to choose for the collective as the wisest/strongest visionary among them. 

As i understand the logic of the system now, i also simultaneously see the pawn. Wanting a shot at the throne.Maybe for pure ideas of power. Or believes that the person occupying the throne of the leader is not the fittest/epitome that the culture has produced; and for the onward progress of the collective, must be replaced by someone else who is the wisest/strongest visionary. 

How does one decide who the strongest/wisest to administer the flow of energy of power?-- is the realm of politics. 

Now when i watch the animation - i only hope the pawn has worked and developed his body/mind/essence to replace the king. A case of envy or retribution, or simple craving for power - doesn't entitle one to lead. It takes a vastness of essence. 

Obviously, i am not alluding to the recent crop of leaders or corrupt kings and queens as the benchmark and reference. Maybe I speak more of the principle of the apex. 

A Raja/Rani must be from the realms of AND. Not either or.

And if one can dream much further than that, everyone who is part of the culture is far well-developed in body/mind/essence that anyone can be “King”. Can take turn, by the week , by the day, by the year, by the moment, and perform the duties and experience the king-ness. Then the title is no matter, just the function of the moment.

In theatre, does it translate to a space where it is not that there is no protagonist, if i stretch it,  then no one identifies as actor or director- for it matters not who is playing the role - because everyone is equally able to don any of the roles? 

Wishful thinking? Where then lies the blindspot?

___

A friend shared Matham vitta pennu https://youtu.be/DROFI65Y-ag

Such a reminder of the time spent in kerala. And more importantly the innocence and freedom of the spirit that seeks its true free Self, unafraid. 

__

And thats what leads to the Ennegram and Non Duality subject.

Every religion is an experience and insight, that is trying pass through time  - as the route back to the source. Within every religion is a collection of multiple of these routes and processes, “kriyas” as the sufi called them while being interviewed by Kabir Project. And every religion is as relevant time the times the intelligence of its practitioners. If the religion is seen as the anchor - then the practitioner is looking at the finger not the moon.  For the gaze to leave the finger and trace its path to the moon, is to reach the source through the realm of the unknown. Not easily done. Fear and confusion is part of the experience. But the eyes is at somepoint does leave the finger, and make that journey to the moon alone, sooner or later. Those still looking at the fingertips wont get it. Till they too take off from the fingertips.

How am i saying it? I dont know. Its not purely intellectual. Its not purely experiential either. 

From No to Yes to AND

From Yes to No to AND

From Yes to AND

From No to AND

Are all valid. For its a circle. ANd not a line. 

(screenshotfrom the same talk)

Structures of all kinds are about the finger tip. Governments, Religions, they serve their purpose only so far as pointing. And if corrupt are capable of pointing the opposite way too. 

In the realm of AND, they all are included, but they are not it. 

The truth we seek is a freedom.

The truth i seek is totally absolutely free, and cannot be contained by any fingertips. That i sense, and i am certain of. 

Maybe it can flow as stream through the centre of palms joined.

Maybe it can rest in the quietness of an open palm. 

My fingers are learning to point less. 

Pointless.

 Brings us to the gaze. The eye. The point. The centre.

From the book on Embryonic Breathing in QiGong by Dr. Yang, Jwing-Ming...

“Your Shen resides in the Upper Dan Tian (i.e. brain} When you concentrate on The Third Eye, the Shen can be fìrmed. Firm here means to keep and to protect. 

When someone's mind is scattered and confused, his Shen wanders. This is called "Shen Bu Shou She" ( 神 不 守 舍 ~ which means "the spirit is not kept at its residence." According to Qigong t h e o町 "though your Xin (Emotional M i n d ， 心 ) is able to raise up your spirit, this mind can also make your Shen confused, so that it leaves its residence. You must constantly engage your Yi (Wisdom Mind) to restrain and con-trol your Shen at its residence.”

“To nourish the body by using medicine is not as good as by eating food; eating food is not as good as being nourished by Qi.”

“Physically, beneath the skin is the skull, and underneath it is the frontal sinus. Both the skull and the skin can block much of the energy which is emitted from or received by the brain.”

The eye, the inner eye at the back of the eyes, are on slippery slope. Forever enticed to one one side on the other at all time.  The associations pointed out in that image is true even when ones eyes are closed. For eg, that time when im just waking up and i can notice which direction the thoughts appear from, it all streams in from one side or the other.

[r0xelita]

Lets talk about something super personal and important thing: EMOTIONAL LABOR

Since I have no one to talk about this issue and i often see how fixated society is about not opening up about mental illness because it is still seen as personal weakness I feel the NEED to share my thoughts on this topic and my personal experience with it. I am not seeking pity for my situation, I just want you to think about your own position towards emotional Labor and I BET many many many of you will probably relate to the things im going to say.

I hear it very oftenly that people envy me because of my lifestyle, because it seems to be so romantic and achievable: i do cool art stuff, i am a good dancer, i study at art school which seems chilling for many people, i love to powerlift, have good athletic skills, a unique style, a beautiful apartment, a sweet dog, many people view my look as desirable and many other stuff i hear. Yes, these things are strengths of mine, these are things that make me feel alive. I can take these compliments and i am happy that people love these things about me (except the fact how i look this is not a personal strenght or anything that makes someone worthy of love). ...

But the thruth is that these are things that only sound romantic in theory. I am not happy with my life. And i often hear that these things are reasons that I HAVE NO RIGHT to be unhappy because other people view them as positive. And here is the reason why i am constantly unhappy in my oh so pretty life: the amount of EMOTIONAL LABOR i am bringing up towards almost everyone in my life and how it slowly kills you when you dont stop it in time!!

I am happy to say that i am a (not yet fully) recovered grown up that is very aware of their actions and seeks constantly for self improvement, since i started therapy in 2008 i am very focused on my 'mental hygiene' and i am good at handeling myself with all my deficits and taking care of myself. Even though the emotional labor stuff is this one thing i think is super hard to handle because you somehow can not act as the FULLY grown up sometimes.

Every day is unbelievably EXHAUSTING. In many relationships (not only romantic) in my life i brought this HEAVY amount of emotional labour and not getting anything in return and just ending up being exhausted by starting the same conversations over and over again, taking responsibilites of other people because i was accepting the fact that they "couldnt do it",  taking alot of damage because i confounded neglecting your own needs with "being emotional strong" and thinking that it somehow is your own fault rather than letting the other person to be held accountable of their own shit behaviour.

You can say it - on a psychoanalytic level- that it really is somehow my fault. It is scientifically proven that we always seek for partners or relationships that we think can solve our childhood trauma. I grew up under extremely chaotic circunstances without any stability in my life which heavily affected my mental health as a child and teenager. Due to emotional abuse, manipulation, violence and the fact that my feelings or just the way i am is not valid and always wrong i (just like every child that learns any concepts and behaviour to be accepted by their parents because its dependent on then) adapted everything i felt and did with the goal of being loved, valued and accepted.

(This is a very critical topic when your parents also suffer from mental illness, i do not want to speak of guilt and i do not want to call anyone out.)

So logically seeking for partners that somehow represent your parents to replay your childhood trauma with the hope of solving it, everyone does this, even the mentally healthy people and it is not always a negative thing. For me it was falling in love with way older men who seemed to be able to give me the fatherly validation that i was missing, but also ending up with men who are aggressive, shouting when theyre angry and letting me down. You seek for these things because these are the situations that you are used to and give you a kind of false comfort.

When i became aware of my problem and seeing my childish needs that were never fullfilled (and sadly developong a personality disorder because at one point you start feeling and acting like you learned it from your parents) I seeked therapy... and it helped me to turn into a well reflected, grown up responsible person. I am obsessed with improvement and my psychological knowledge is probably the most expanded thing about me lol. So i am sometimes a little bit too fixated about "doing the right things" and not letting my chilhood trauma to control my life anymore. But this is also a dangerous thing, as it collaborates with my childish concept that other peoples well being is more important than my own i somehow, like i said before, i felt like being emotionally developed and strong allows me to put up with problematic behaviour and seeing it as a kind of self validation, like being the one who is strong and has the capacity of helping people who are still struggling with their deficits.

But this is SO WRONG. Just because you are strong doesnt mean that your partner/family member/any person has to use your ressources without giving anything in return.

Just because the other person has misconceptions as a side effect of their trauma it gives them NO RIGHT to act their unreflected emotions out!!

YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLES BAD FEELINGS. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONE FEELING "ATTACKED". THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO ATTACK YOU JUST BECAUSE THEY FEEL ATTACKED.

THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO ACT IT OUT JUST BECAUSE YOU TRIGGERED THEIR TRAUMA.

EVERYONE HOLDS THEIR OWN ACCOUNTABILITY OF HOW THEY FEEL AND ACT.

A PERSONS ABUSE DOES NOT JUSTIFY ABUSING YOU.

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR NEEDS AND FEELINGS.

And so the roles reversed, i am unvoluntarily often in the role of the caretaker, the mother, the one who has to put away their problems. When i want to critzise someone i have to think about how other people will interpret my critique/problem according their own beliefs and traumata, most people will see it as you attacking them. But me not talking about my problems is not the right solution, it would put me in the same role as i was as a child. So the right way is to take your responsibility to talk about your needs and problems and setting limitations towards the person feeling attacked and the following abusive behaviour against you.

But why is this so hard for so many people? Think about your emotional labour you are bringing up to the table. Think about how many times the other person does not reflect their behaviour. Think about how you ALWAYS have to explain why something is wrong and literally have to play the therapist or mother just because they do not care about their emotional hygiene and they do not take the responsibility of their needy child inside of them. Think about how often you hear "I feel bad because YOU.../I am angry because YOU.../YOU are responsible for how i feel!". Thinking about all the times they are "sorry" but never make any serious attempt to change their situations and keep putting the responsibility for everything on you (and even keep justifying their actions/feelings)

Think about how much energy you spent to "make them feel better" until you realize that this is not your fucking job. Think about how many times you asked yourself if it maybe was your guilt? Think about how many of your expectations they meet, what you get in return? How many times did you think "I have to put up with this because i love this person/they are my family/etc." and you also keep justify their abuse, because you HAVE to be the wrong one? It will ALWAYS create an imbalance in a relationship and you will never be on the same eye level, which is the absolute basic thing any sort of relationship needs.

There is a huge stigma of being the one who acts wrong, so many people do absolutely not want to admit that they did anything bad or are in an abusers position. In my therapy i learned to have a healthy relationship to my mistakes, bad actions do not define me and i have enough self confidence to admit when i am wrong and i am reflected enough to be aware of taking responsibility of it. Thats how learning works. But back to the topic.

That means me putting up with this equals not taking care of my emotional wellbeing. That is my BIG mistake. Ive already lost alot because of my duty to take care of myself and speaking. For example the half of my family. This is a sad thing but i can live with it because i know i acted like a grown up and recognized their false (childish) behaviour. And then comes my emotional labour again: i want them to understand the situation, I HAD to explain that i am not personally attacking them, I wanted to make them feel better by forcing them to think about themselves. I was the one who reflected THEIR feelings.... and putting mine away. I stopped. This was not right. I had to leave them with their misconceptions. I had to leave them with their anger. They are responsible. And i am responsible for saving myself from behaviour like this. You cant be always the understanding person who puts up with everything. You can not achieve/force their understanding. Its not your problem. And not your fault.

(Believe it or not. It is also a misogynistic concept rooted in our society where the woman needs to put up with mens shit, childish behaviour is a thing that is accepted in men, almost expected, so many will not feel the need to think about themselves, seek therapy or seeing anything wrong in their behaviour. It also explains why most of straight couples are more like mother/son relationships because their (aware or not) inner child seeks for a second mother lmao. What i want to say: it is not an indivdual problem, rather a cultural/social one. )

I am still in relations such like that. How does my "romantic and achievable" life look like. It looks like lying in the bed. The whole day. I cannot move, i have zero energy. I have several somatic issues like chronic intestinal and stomach cramps, aching limbs, migraines, fatigue, i am literally never hungry because i am full of emotions that there is no room for food and when i force myself to eat i always have the feeling i need to throw up (not in relation to my bulimic past, its rather the cramps that cause this feeling), my skin is terrible because of my psoriasis which gets worse with every stressful event.

I do nothing. I cant finish my comic. I cant get myself together to make art. I barely response to messages. I often skip class. I have problems to handle a 3 peoples household on my own. I barely do things i enjoy. I isolate myself from people.

Not because i think thats right. I learned how to handle depression issues. But can you imagine how fucking big the impact of emotional labor can be, even on a person who is in good therapy for 10 years?

I try anything. I change my noutrishment, my environment, i pay for medicaments and try to fix these symptomps. But it wont help. You have to work on the root. Take care of yourself. Of YOUR emotional hygiene. Yes, help other people and be supportive but never never ever put yourself away to make others feel better. You can be a loving partner/son/daughter/friend/etc. and STILL take responsibility! You are not a rehabilitation center for other people.

Yes, it is hard to keep the balance. But you will figure it out and will grow!!!

[hailrosa-a]

can you write an hc on rosa's mental health?

OF COURSE I AM READY TO ATTACK THIS LEMME GO OFF  !!!! 

also this is really long  … pls lemme know if u actually read OMG

okay in all honestly, rosalie’s mental health is fucked. now, im not being funny or anything but if you really think about it… i would be SURPRISED if she didn’t have issues.  SM completely glazed over the night rosalie was turned  && then after. she was raped by not just one man, who was supposed to LOVE HER, but by his friends too. then instantly she finds herself living her life as a different species, not having her birth family around —-  her mother. && she couldn’t go to the police about it bc technically her being a newborn would have risked so much. 

so who did she have?

rosalie was gang-raped and beaten left to die. who was she to get help from to recover from this? esme? esme’s situation was domestic violence ( not downplaying that in anyway ) but it wouldn’t be the same to rosalie. rosalie’s situation had happened out of nowhere, royce never drank in front of her. she had never seen him drunk. so his behavior had completely surprised her  && up until that point she TRUSTED him. sure the whole relationship was solely based off physical attraction but she was going to MARRY this man, she had placed trust in him to care for her. she saw him as her PRINCE. && then in one drunken night he completely destroyed that. && then as he walks away, they all JOKE about how royce would need to find another bride… literally treating her like she was nothing. 

though carlisle was a doctor, i dont think he had any experience or any proper way of handling rape victims. he, at least that i know of, didn’t really focus on psychology. so it wasn’t like HE was the one rosalie wanted to talk to. even if she hadn’t resented him. BUT i have it as headcanon, or it could be canon lol like i said SM glazed over it, that rosalie didn’t resent carlisle completely because he took her humanity from her. royce had already taken that from her when he left her to die. she resented carlisle because now she couldn’t escape that night. && based off how the book goes, everyone ( aside from alice ) they all seem to remember when they were changed  && then every moment after. human memories fading more. so rosalie’s most prominent human memory was being raped. so because of carlisle, she couldn’t escape it. at least if she were dead, she was dead. end of story. 

off the bat, edward has no interest in her. now —- its shallow thinking, yes —- but after this girl had her whole appearance being the envy of a lot of women && every man wanted her… now suddenly after a traumatic night, she’s suddenly undesirable. all she had now were her looks. before she had a family, her future, and her looks. now it was just her appearance because she couldnt go with her birth family ever again && she had no future. i do believe that rosalie is narcissistic && self-centered as a defense mechanism. she was like this before, but because she had let it get to her head. NOW, after that night —- as most rape victims feel  —- she felt dirty, used, unloved, unappreciated, etc. SO for the first time she is with a man after everything, he wants nothing to do with her. confidence plummets, she can’t let it affect her. so she builds up more confidence in herself, but it translates into her being full of herself, shallow, etc. 

so!!! for the first couple of months/years, of now living with the cullens. she had no one to talk about that night with. she tries SO hard to forget that in the first months she doesn’t bring it up  && with edward around, she refuses to think about. she thinks about her beauty. she admires herself because it makes her happy. her face is human yet inhumane at the same time – to her. anyways, she couldn’t get professional help. “I’m a vampire now after my ex-fiance && her friends gang-raped me… so now i cant sleep to escape that night… && any medications you would want to give me for the anxiety wouldn’t help anyways lol” first, she’s a newborn so being with new people ( at least at the time ) who knew if she had control? second, she would have to leave things out  &&  IM NOT SURE ABOUT YOU BUT I DONT THINK THEY HANDLED RAPE CASES THE SAME AS THEY DO NOW. third, royce had money. rosalie describes his family as NY royalty. so, they wouldn’t have done anything for rosalie. seeking professional help was just not in the cards for her.

seeking revenge on royce && his friend was her therapy. she needed it. if she hadn’t done anything, another girl could have gotten the same treatment. rosalie’s case would have been swept under the rug. royce would marry someone else eventually && the life of rosalie would have been nothing. && rosalie was not having that. she would rather have his death connected with her disappearance than have his successes throughout the rest of his life overpower his wrongdoings.  

FAST FORWARD TO WHEN SHE SAVES EMMETT…. i call bullshit on how everything was fine once she has him. she forgives carlisle yes because he saved someone for her… but does she suddenly stop thinking about what happened to her? edward still considers himself a monster after going through his rebellious stage. so she has to still think about. EMMETT DOES MAKE IT BETTER THOUGH. HE KNOWS WHEN SHE’S THINKING ABOUT IT. HE RESPECTS THE TIME IT TAKES FOR HER TO LET HIM TOUCH HER. but he reminds her constantly that she is beautiful. he wouldn’t let anything harm her. 

&& in the house, only Emmett && maybe Edward ( but also not really??? bc he calls her an assassin… even though he KNEW the reason && KNEW that she didn’t enjoy it… && calls her a drama queen )  truly know how she feels && respect whats shes been through. now im not saying that they should treat her like gold or walk on egg shells around her. BUT no one reaches out to her.  && in midnight sun, when alice says how she should think about someone other than herself… it strikes a cord in rosalie BECAUSE SHE WAS THINKING ABOUT EDWARD. it was done in an “eeeehh it could’ve been handled better” kind of way… && she did just want her family together again… BUT everyone else had no plan. she had a plan. she went through with it. her selfless acts completely overshadowed by her more selfish attitude. 

NOT TO MENTION that when rosalie wants to kill bella… it’s NOT BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T LIKE BELLA ( kinda ). its because THE ONE FAMILY SHE HAS will be killed if anything goes bad… the volturi will kill her parents && edward ( who she has known the longest out of anyone else aside from carlisle & esme ), HER MATE, && jasper & alice, who have become her family. SHE THINKS SELFLESSLY but because she cares about her appearance… she’s selfish 100% of the time. 

alsooooo, she could be seen as the outcast of the family. all her siblings have a gift. emmett has incredible strength. carlisle helps people, has compassion, && is  most of their creators. && esme has love, a strong love for everyone. her “gift”, enhanced beauty, is nothing compared to that. her skill is the most human, a skilled mechanic. she brings nothing to the table —-  going back to using the narcissistic && self-centered attitude as a defense mechanism. 

all in all, idk how to bring it all together so i just vomited everything i feel about rosalie hale. because everything she does, has a reason. it’s bullshit to just call her the queen bitch when she’s had trauma happen to her with no help provided for her. 

[realmzenith]

elaina ! :)

lays down, mai ily. anyways?? someone pls save elaina she Needs help

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?fairly long?? but not super long it’d make her anxious. maybe twenty minutes. it’d be a different story if it was a life or death thing tho obv

How easy is it for your character to laugh?difficult. from one to ten w one being v easily she’s like a 7. but for full uninhibited laughter it’s a solid 9. she mostly smiles and when she does laugh it’s at the dumbest things

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)she’ll lurk on instagram or think which are honestly both bad ideas for her bc instagram makes her depressed bc her social life sux and thinking makes her depressed bc she’s pessimistic and tends to overthink EVERYTHINg. however sometimes she’ll be smart abt it and read a book or look at plant pics or space which will more often than not successfully allow her to relax and get some shut eye

How easy is it to earn their trust?HM not too difficult prbly a 3 if ur nice to her and ur not a complete idiot- ok well. just if ur nice to her bc she literally falls in love w josie an idiot in her storyline

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?moderately difficult she has a hard time accepting that the ppl she trusts are capable of wronging her and usually assumes it was smth she did. she’s kind of an idiot like that so yk :) she’s prbly a 6 on that one? if we’re also accounting for the ppl she moderately trusts. however if we’re only talking abt the ppl she genuinely completely trusts it’s like an 8. she’s not COMPLETELy stupid but still p stupid abt relationships

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?rules should be followed. she accepts them as a given and that they will be followed as a given. it’ll srsly throw off her game if someone starts blatantly disobeying the law in front of her even if it is just a nominal thing

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?she’s not a v emotional person? she does feel deeply but hmm i suppose she is fairly nostalgic. certain melodies played on the guitar would prbly be one of the bigger triggers. her mom used to play and she and her dad would sing like dorks but they?? kind of dont do it anymore and she misses it but she isn’t sure how to ask to do it again. it’s the same w disney movies. they don’t watch them as a fam as much as they used to anymore but they still do on occasion! as for enjoying it she doesn’t rlly like nostalgia?? but she lets herself fall into it frequently

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?she was constantly told to talk to the other kids. she’s never been v social or good w ppl as she prefers her small group of ppl she knows and is comfortable w plus she’s an only child so she’s always been forced to socialize esp in casual settings

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?not super frequently. she does say damn bc that’s just the classic xstj swear word, her first she remembers v distinctly. it was “bitch” and completely her older cousin’s fault

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?she lowkey feels like her entire life is a lie? she’s a smart gal and gets good grades easily. she’s close to the top of her class and is considered one of the smart kids. but she herself is convinced she’s painfully mediocre and despite her other talents and unique personality traits she’s like :) im sorry for lying to u all i actually have zero interesting qualities and am a drag but ofc she never voices that bc lbr insecurity? ugly and she doesn’t want to lose the few friends she does have bc she dumped her fears on everyone else. she is, as i said, a Mess

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?she almost always pretends she understands but if she doesn’t feel like there’ll be negative consequences to asking for clarification and she’s feeling confident she’ll bluntly ask the other person to clear things up for her esp in a business type setting such as school projects, etc. it’s situational but socially speaking? she’ll pretend until she Dies

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?ask nico to get it or just struggle for ages to try to get it herself

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?she likes green and black but thinks she looks p drab in most things. in all actuality she prbly does look sharpest in black but yellow makes her look super cute, brings out a softer side of her. dark green is also flattering on her

What animal do they fear most?hm prbly eels esp electric eels. they freak her out for no particular reason. otherwise, she likes most animals and doesn’t mind most bugs

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?she does usually think before she speaks. on the extreme she’ll turn over a phrase abt ten times in her mind before even considering speaking it aloud but that’s rare and only in high stress situations. despite the fact that she does think before she speaks she’s very blunt abt most things. lay it out like it is and all. embellishing sentences or softening her statements is smth she rarely does as she finds it inefficient 

What makes their stomach turn?reckless behavior she HATES when ppl do stupid risky crap in front of her she finds it very unnecessary and anxiety inducing

Are they easily embarrassed?oh yes absolutely

What embarrasses them?everything. anything. her existence. ppl flirting w her. her parents. being teased. being incompetent. being singled out for anything. lots of things :)

What is their favorite number?she likes the number 60. no reason in particular it’s just a nice number. cue her friend, nico in the back yelling SIXTY???? MORE LIKE SEXY

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?oh oof dont talk to her about love it throws her for an existential crisis. hm but if srsly asked this she’d prbly say smth like “familial love is smth we’re rarely allowed to choose. platonic is more logical and circumstantial, and romantic is a combination of the two in the sense that it’s ur heart’s choice to begin and ur mind’s to continue.”

Why do they get up in the morning? society dictates that in order for an individual to contribute meaningfully to the world, you must get up by 7 am and do whatever lot’s been handed to you. thus she, as a good functioning member of society, gets up in the mornings and drives to school day in and day out as fate has dictated her duty to be

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? erratic. she’ll act strangely and become more distant. if it continues for long enough she’ll eventually snap at whoever’s nearest and asking what’s up w her

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? it makes her sad tbh sldkfjlkj she’s like welp.. this is the lot i’ve been given if i don’t accept it that’s my problem. then she keeps her head up and carries on

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? she prefers not to talk abt sex. she’d be v confused if someone brought up the topic of sex casually tho she isn’t SUPER squeamish abt discussing it it’s just?? unprofessional so why would u? ofc w her s/o she would be more than willing to discuss it in order to smooth out questions or misunderstandings before yk. actually. doing the sex

What are their thoughts on marriage? marriage to her is one of the pillars of society, and while she respects people who don’t want to get married, for herself she views it a checkbox on her list of things she needs to do before she dies. it’s?? like she sort of has a timeline and marriage is on the list of things that need to happen sometime in her twenties. she believes marriage should be a mutually beneficial union based on love and respect and believes that along w family units it’s a wonderful invention. however, despite all of this she kind of doubts she’ll ever get married bc she’s like who would date me lbr here :) and while simultaneously seeking after marriage she’s resigned herself to becoming an eventual crazy old cat lady

What is their preferred mode of transportation? she prefers bullet trains. efficient, usually comfortable, she doesn’t have to drive- what more could you want? she’s also fond of walking if a place is close by. helps her chill

What causes them to feel dread? the feeling that a relationship is falling apart and the divide between herself and the other person is growing. the little things like not waiting for the other person after class or “forgetting” to mention another thing about their day- the small things that point to a relationship breaking down. if there’s one thing she hates more than unnecessary conflict and having to just end things then and there it’s watching things slowly fall apart. that is extremely dread inducing in her opinion

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? if u asked her? she’d say she prefers the truth. in reality? she prefers the lie. she internalizes things and oftentimes “unpleasant truths” can weigh her down for ages. frequently enough to note, she’ll allow herself to continue in ignorance rather than accept the reality of the truth which she’ll sort of know she’s doing but just push to the back of her mind in order to avoid the panic that comes with actually confronting the problem. ignorance is bliss and all. nevertheless, in the long run and in hindsight, she prefers the truth as ripping off the bandaid proves easier than pulling out misplaced stitches one by one

Do they usually live up to their own ideals? she doesn’t come close. she has very lofty ideals to which she holds both herself and others around her. she wants to be someone who’s looked up to as strong. she values efficiency, honesty, reliability and genuinely good motives as well as charisma, passion and confidence. she’s doing alright with the first few but the last three are debatable. she’s passionate about v select things and her confidence levels looks like a heartrate monitor

Who do they most regret meeting? herself. she regrets gaining sentience

Who are they the most glad to have met? josie ;) but nico and ale are close seconds

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? nope what’s a Conversation? what’s a Joke? she doesnt know them :)

Could they be considered lazy? that’s a no. she works extremely hard and nearly always carries through. it’s partially her nature and partially a way for her to “make up” for her perceived lack of talents

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? extremely difficult but w time she eventually can esp when given the right type of support

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? that’s. a hard one. she IS technically supportive but that’s only when she recognizes how much the thing means to the other person and she’s honestly rlly bad at reading these kinds of situations, so it’s rare that she actually does. she’ll kinda be like wtf but if she doesn’t recognize the other person is genuinely excited and invested in the thing she’ll do her best to give her own brand of awkward support 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?she’ll pursue a romantic interest if enough proof that it’s plausible is given but it’s rare that she gets enough “proof” for this to happen. generally speaking, she kind of pushes her desire for romance down. she’ll worry abt it later or at least until josie shows up eyes emoji

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? not rlly? she’ll just go thru things multiple times she’s not the most innovative person when it comes to things like this. route memorization is her go to 

What memory do they revisit the most often?;) depends on where in the storyline we’re talking but post story defo the time when she and josie went hiking w some of their other friends and when they reached the summit of the mountain the clouds were beneath the peak n completely coating the sky. it looked like a carpet of clouds, like another world and they shared a bit of a Moment. the little things are what elaina rlly cherishes

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?difficult she’s a bit of a critical person. she’s also not the most tactful when it comes to emotional intelligence related situations so ppl will likely find out she does see those flaws in them if they stick around long enough

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?not SO much but she does take things to heart. she’s sort of?? accepted her perceived mediocrity and general dullness but she’s in no way ceasing to attempt to change other things abt herself. so she’ll seemingly take criticisms in stride but they’ll stick w her when she’s Overthinking

How do they feel about children? kids are? good? she likes kids. as for having them, she’s considered it some and she thinks she might like to. at the same time, she also thinks she’d make a terrible parent- too harsh, bad w comfort, easily stressed. in all reality, she’d be better than most ppl as one esp after gaining a bit of confidence

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? rn the goal is graduating and she wants that fairly badly but she doesn’t particularly doubt her ability to achieve it. after that, it’s getting a good job which she also doesn’t overtly doubt as a certainty so yes she does want it but it’s not?? SUPEr concerning except when she begins to doubt her abilities and if she’ll ever feel like her life is fulfilling 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? she’s lesbian. she’d say it means she’s attracted to women 

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?baby. she’s gonna find loveB) What inspired you to create them?love, simon! i wanted to write a cute lesbian high school romance so thus josie and elaina were bornC) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?nope!D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?nope again! she used to be full korean but now she’s half korean and half scandinavian! i think she used to be taller too she’s 5′5″ nowE) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?there are some aspects of each other that would get on the other’s nerves. like i dont think she’d appreciate the wonky outbursts i sometimes have and i’d get annoyed by her lack of social tact/annoyance at the world even tho i lowkey share those traits but otherwise i think we’d get along p well! i think i’d find her cute and i think she’d like my perceived confidence. we share a similar rationality as wellF) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?empathy she’s a big mood tbh and also i want her to be happy G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?her lack of emotional intelligence. while i like blunt and logic oriented ppl it’d get slightly frustrating after a while to be around someone who’s a lil oblivious to social/emotional cues even if that’s a moodH) What trait do you admire most?her humble diligence. i have to complain twice as much as her to get half the things she gets done doneI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?i think she’d ALSO do great in a sci fi universe. ha maybe i need to give these kids a sci fi au verseJ) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?not rlly no!