#if you even want a label! maybe you dont! thats ok too!

[inkstaindusk]

hi! I hope you're having a happy aro week! feel free to ignore of course but I was wondering if you had any advice for questioning if you're aro? strange question I know, I'm just feeling very lost is all. maybe if you dont have any advice, how did you realize?

Hi! No worries, I'm happy to answer. I'm not sure I have any advice necessarily but I can certainly talk about my own experience! General disclaimer that my personal experience is my own and does not speak for everyone, etc, but I hope something here resonates with you

If you've been on my blog for really any amount of time you know that I like romance. I was dreaming of romance as a kid and I thought I really wanted one. I got invested in romances to a point that I think some of my classmates hated me for it which was valid honestly lol. For a while I thought I was bi (shoutout to the bi -> aro pipeline) because I thought thinking anyone of any gender could be attractive was the same as actually being attracted to them.

There was one year where I was asked out twice by two different people. I was happy both times until I realized that there were expectations to dating, and then I promptly avoided my way into getting out of those situations. The year after that, I suspected a friend had a crush on me and it made me anxious. Nothing ever came of that suspicion but it did lead me to think a lot about my feelings and what romance is apparently supposed to feel like.

It's hard to explain/describe the absence of a feeling you've never had, but I started to realize the only times I "had feelings" for other people was only when they liked me first, and those feelings faded quickly. I liked the idea of romance more than I actually wanted it for myself, and I liked being liked more than I wanted (or was able) to reciprocate. After that, I went through a period of just calling myself queer before deciding I'm aro. I had to come to terms with the fact that romance wasn't on the cards for me, but once I did, I was mostly just relieved. I didn't have to try to match anyone. (Since then I've asked alloromantic friends to describe their feelings to me but I never understand it. What does "it's more intense" mean? Seriously.)

Now, personally, I do want a partner in the future. A lot of what I like about romance has to do with the acts that come with a partnership. I want to be close enough to someone to share our space and make plans together and idk simply be a unit - not in a romance way and differently from how I interact with my friends. Queerplatonic relationships sound perfect to me for this reason.

This may not be the case for you. I'm just one person who enjoys companionship, but plenty of aros don't want partnership at all. If there are any non-partnering aros reading this, please feel free to weigh in!

I think that's all I have. I hope something I said here helps!

[turnstechgodhead]

Le sign... speaking of the server,

dirk is encouraging me to be more firm on my own thoughts for my comfort

i've seen ppl talk about it in stream a lil which im always like I Don't Care when it pops up but i've had Enough and i want to talk about the topic bc it's itching at my brain follicles.

since we're pretty strider-oriented, this had to happen at some point: strider cest/strilonde cest/in cest wont be allowed in the main server. if other people don't care, i might make a separate server.

-"hey why is that ^ something you would allow? pretty insane." / "are you a pro shipper then??"

no

"so you're an anti?"

also no

i dislike this argument as a whole bc i don't 'get it' i guess because im audhd. neither side is fully correct nor fully wrong.

"fiction affects reality." and "fiction is not reality." are two different thought processes that can and should coexist in the same space.

look. fiction can affect reality, but it IS also possible to separate from it. you can para or whatever responsibly. tag it. try to make sure people who don't want to see it don't have to see it. and if minors are getting sent your shit, make sure its clear that this should NOT be happening in reality. if you're a child, keep that shit blocked. it's NOT for you and you should not be actively consuming it. (please listen to this advice bc i grew up on the internet barely supervised, from a very unhealthily early age [7-8] and then developed into a fucked up hypersexual.) (seeing something fucked up and being like AUGH my eyes! is normal because that just. happens. thats life. you deal with it afterwards in some way. talking to someone you trust etc. you do not go back for more i am begging.) (if someone is showing you these things on purpose then please read this website all the way through for me ok?)

you should not be looking at an adult exploring/enjoying fucked up shit

videogames are not going to make you or me more violent by having violence, gore, and murder in them. but videogames DO make some people violent. those people should not have access to these things. but we (you and i) cannot control that beyond making sure content is labelled and set aside. i like playing games where i assassinate people. i am not an assassin. someone could play the same game and get terrible ideas they act on. this is not my fault for playing the game.

and, if you're an adult who likes fucked up shit (me too) tag your shit or have it listed somewhere on your about that it's something you post about frequently there. and maybe reiterate that it's not real. its just toys. and should never be followed irl. yeah, it fuckin sucks that we gotta do this shit, but kids are unfortunately on the internet, with the inability to differentiate grey from black and white. your shit might be the first exposure. which sucks!! so it's our responsibility to try and mitigate harm on both sides unfortunately until we can convince parents to start parenting their children again. which sucks. i just wanna post shit in peace but the buzzing around from very loud teenagers makes me anxious. i get it.

it fucking sucks!!! but we can't control other people, especially if theyre malicious

but you control what YOU see on the internet. block anyone. (i blocked someone back in the day for disliking johndave. be free.) and help people do that (control what they see) by making it very clear. you aren't evil for not wanting to see it, and other people aren't evil for enjoying fucked up content.

also some of yall on BOTH SIDES do some truly vile shit in the name of this argument when your energy could be spent elsewhere doing shit you like or even doing things that are actually. Helpful.

so i don't like either label i dont want to be associated with either of the sides but if you want to call me one or the other then . Whatever i guess? thats your business, not mine. just know you are not a failure or a freak for not constantly reinforcing and reassuring everyone that you think adults doing their own thing in fictional spaces with little toy dolls (that theyve been doing since the 70s-80s) is gross. you can just think that like. in general and look away because the dolls are dolls. but don't go posting doll horn-knees untagged. that's rude as fuck.

[werebutch]

@eucyon Oh my god tumblr ate your ask I’m so lucky I screenshotted. So mad I have to type again . Thank you so much for dis question it’s so fun and made me really think to be honest ^__^ ILYSMMMM this is long but it’s too fun

This is Lynx’s most popular album, Conspiracy Theories. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to have a pic of lynx as the cover even if it’s silly. I really like rabbit imagery in music anyways though so I think it’s nice. I was inspired by Alice In Chains album covers and also fleshwater’s ‘we’re not here to be loved’. I tried to find a way to make it more 'gritty' but I couldn’t unfortunately 😭 I like how the title looks, like they just got a label maker and smacked it on..heheh

I imagine that this album is about relationship anxiety, betrayal, resentment, anti social tendencies, infidelity, and aliens. Probably not little green men, maybe more like the thing kind of fleshy imagery. Definitely appealing to atlas and scotch in different ways. Tool’s Undertow is a good example (off the top of my head..) of the sound I’m thinking of, so… prog? Or at least heavily inspired. I’m bad with genres heheh

im currently trying to either become okay with roadkill's name, or decide on a new one.. so im not making any album covers for them yet lol but i will post when i do..

I think roadkill would take a lot of inspo from their fave band so their style is probably heavily influenced by Lynx. Scotch adds a lot of sampling, distortion, whatever..idk I don’t make music.. and atlas is a big fan of slow tempo and bass. think its important to note that atlas doesnt play bass like a bassist in this album, he plays it more like a guitarist. kind of. hope that makes sense. I’ve always been really torn about roadkill’s genre, it’s been everywhere and tends to change. scotch and atlas’ styles would be vastly different if they were solo, so I think that’s why i am so indecisive . I think I just have to keep reminding myself that they’re in a band together, so styles would be mixed.

A part of me is like.. I think roadkill’s first album would be reminiscent of faith no more’s ‘the real thing’, or even some of Primus' stuff in some sense, plus similarities to Lynx and influences of industrial. i know thats a lot of random descriptions. I kinda think of (here’s a goofy genre for ya) sludge metal bands’ instrumental style, not necessarily vocal style... its hard to describe a band that doesnt exist. LMFAO

right now im thinking about 'the pot' by tool as a close example of roadkill.. im having a hard time finding artists that match scotch's vocal range even remotely. also doesnt help that the bands im basing this off of like tool and FNM dont exactly...fit into genres very neatly. roadkill and lynx wouldnt either. HAH. i just know it wouldnt be that high quality but definitely obvious theres a lot of passion in it. i mean this is just an album made by guys who dontknow what theyre doing. like at all. lol

Roadkill’s sound changes quite a bit their next album when seraph is involved. It becomes a lot more ummmm I guess palatable to more people? I don’t exactly know what I mean by that. Ok. LOL. I’ll think about it.. but this is around when Scotch realizes he wants this to be his job. Having Seraph helps A LOT with building a more dedicated and bigger audience, since they’re the one most willing to make changes. Plus they’re in art school, I feel like they’d have connections. So I guess roadkill would sell out in a way.

if you asked me this question a year ago i would have had a completely different answer. i wouldve probably said roadkill is pop punk or garage rock or something. i have trouble fitting scotch and atlas into a genre together. it fits scotch just fine and i think he would enjoy it, but its not roadkill.. also ive been thinking of stylizing roadkill as rdkill.. lmk wat u think.. im unsure about the name is generalHAHA. i know this is a lot so dont feel pressured to reply to everything LMAO im just thinking out loud. and drawing connections between genres that completely do not make sense. peace and LOVE<3

[beidousoneandonly]

Hobie x Reader

FNAFICC TIME EHEEUHEUEHU ok so ill start out with like neutral nothing freaky yeah im willing to take on requests!!!! and sorry if its wack english isnt my first language

You were looking at the nice sun set as you sat in the roof of your house, as you admire the nice colours of the sky hobie joins you for a bit,

You liked hobie but you werent sure he'd like you back so you didnt say anything, lately youve gotten closer to him, getting to know him more, be with him, you fell harder than ever before.

As hobie made himself comfortable next to you laying down whatching you "what are we lookng at?" he asks "dude look at the clouds they are so pretty" you say not trying to sound awkward

You wanted to be closer to hobie be more than friends but hed probably pull something like "i dont belive in labels like girlfriend or boyfriend" so you decided youd never actually confess but its hurt when you saw someone flirting with him

You look back at hobie trying not to blurt out your feelings so you looked away as hobie noticed and asked "soemthing on your mind?" "well you see theres this problem with my firend you know and i dont know how to help them" you said "well then tell me whats going on maybe i can help" you comply as you speak "well this friend of mine has a crush on her friend right, and she doesnt want to tell him because shes worried that he doesnt feel the same way and will ruin things between them." as you stop speaking you turn to look at him and he has a troubled look on his face "thats just stupid theres a high chance the friend likes her back even if he didnt like her i doubt anything would change" he spoke as you look at him and roll your eyes at his response as you climb down from the roof "what'd I say?!" hobie asks as he looks at you climbing down.

A few days go by from the day when you were on the rooftop with hobie as he tried not think about it, he had several conclusions as to your reactions but he didnt tell you about them.

after that day you prayed that hobie didnt catch on but it was too obvious.

Days later your group got invited to a house party, you werent the most fan of those but you didnt have anything to do so you decided to go with your friends for a bit and then youd leave.

As you get ready with gwen shes texting the guys if theyre already there, they reply with a image of pavitr in a water fountain, you and gwen switched looks and laughed and left for the party

You arrive and there puke outside on the grass already you contemplate whether you should return but march inside with gwen and meet up with hobie,pavitr and miles in the back

"Hey guys-" you say as you look at pavitr wet he still hasnt dried up "HAHHHHHHHHHHH" gwen wheezed her ass off as pavitr was trembling his ass off "You should defenetly change" you demand

Some time goes by as you get bored since you finished gossiping with hobie and gwen you guys were cririzing everyone at the party but now you had no one to gossip about, as you sighed this girl was going around recollecting people to play games as she asked you guys if you wanted to join so you said why not?

everyone gathered at the living room since most had left the party it wasnt crowded anymore, The girl that rounded everyone together suggested we sit in a circle as we do you notice hobie is looking at someone and you start to get jealous and sit next to him and bump into him to get his attention he raises an eyebrow at your actions, as the girl announces we play truth or dare or spin the bottle, someone suggests to combine them two

the game goes some on has to spin the bottle and has to do truth or dare as everyone agress the game starts and they spin the bottle as it lands on someone and they dare them to go home, everyone starts laughing at the cruel joke but the person seems upset either way the game continues as it lands on you and say truth, you dont want to be another joke like the previous person as they ask you who is your type, i am in blank "i dont really have a type ya know?" you try to shake it off someone yells BORING but you didnt want to make a fool out of yourself, some spins later the bottle lands on hobie

i give up LMFAOO ill continue this later im tired

[toothlespoggers]

”Why are you sad” WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY WHEN THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN FEEL JOY IS BY HAVING ENOUGH MONEY TO GO DO STUFF THAT IS FUN IN THE MOMENT BUT ULTIMATELY STILL LEAVES YOU EMPTY INSIDE BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO THE WORLD IS BEING FUCKED OVER IN A MILLION DIFFERENT WAYS BY PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE COMMON SENSE AND THERES NO HOPE IN TRYING TODO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSEIT JUST DOESNT WORK. HOW ARE YOU HAPPY WHEN ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE ON THE INTERNET WITHIUT SEEING EVERYTHING BAD IN THE WORLD. THE ONLY WAY TO BE “HAPPY” IS TO BE AWAY FROM LITERALLY EVERYTHING, HAVE EVERYTHING CONTROLLED AND PERFECT. AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUES. UNTIL YOU DIE. BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE, WALKING DOWN THE STREET, EATING, SLEEPING. EVERYTHING JUST REMINDS YOU THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS CONSTANTLY SUFFERING FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOURE A CHILD. AND SOMEHOW ADULTS DONT CARE. THEY DONT CARE ABOUT THE DEATHS. THEY DONT SEE THE BLOODSTAINS ON EVERYTHING AROUND THEM. THEY SOMEHOW AVOID IT ALL.

WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? BECAUSE BEING SAD. BEING ANYTHING ELSE. IS TOO DIFFICULT. WHAT ARE WE JUST SUPPOSED TO ROLL OVER WHEN SOMEONE ASKS IF YOURE OK? NO. BECAUSE THIS IS HOW EVERYTHING WOULD GO

“hey man, you ight?”

“NO I AM NOT ALRIGHT, EVERYTHING IS AWFUL EVERYTHING IS BAD. THE “GOOD” IS MOSTLY JUST GASLIGHTING, A SUNNY LITTLE PICTURE OF FALSE HOPES AND PROMISES TO CALM YOU DOWN AND KEEP SOCIETY FUNCTIONING BECAUSE IN REALITY EVERYTHING IS BAD, THE BAD COMES SO MUCH AND THE GOOD IS SO SPARSE YOU HAVE TO PHYSICALLY REMIND YOURSELF OF IT, AND IF EVERYTHINGS OK WOULDNT IT BE EASY TO FIND OUT GOOD NEWS INSTEAD OF DIGGING THROUGH THE INTERNET TO FIND ANYTHING? ISNT IT RIDICULOUS THAT WE ARE LABELLED AS “MENTALLY ILL” FOR HAVING FUCKING COMMON SENSE? WE ALL REALISED AS SOON AS WE GAINED SENTIENCE

“HEY WOW, ACTUALLY THE WORLD IS KINDA HORRIBLE!” AND INSTEAD OF FIXING IT EVERYONE ELSE WAS LIKE “YEAH BRO MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THAT, YOURE CRAZY. THE WORLD ISNT AWFUL! LOOK AT OUR LITTLE RICH WHITE NEIGHBOURHOOD, EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND NOTHING IS WRONG! YOU ARE STUPID FOR THINKING THIS.”

LIKE BRO. NO??? ITS NOT OK? I DONT “GET SAD” I AM SAD. THIS ANXIETY DEPRESSION, COCKTAIL NEVER SUBSIDES. IT IS JUST IGNORED. REPEATEDLY. BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FORGOT TO SURVIVE.

YOU HAVE TO GRIT YOUR TEETH, WIPE YOUR EYES AND DISSOCIATE. BECAUSE YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN IN YOUR HEART THAT NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE MINDSET OF:

“Well Im alive now, I might as well enjoy it” BECAUSE THAT IS LITERALLY ALL YOU CAN DO.

I WANT. TO BELIEVE. IN THE POSITIVES.

WE ALL DO.

BUT LOOK AROUND.

IT WOULD LITERALLY TAKE A MIRACLE, NOT A SMALL ONE. A NATIONAL. WORLD WIDE. MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE MIRACLE. TO FIX THINGS.

BUT THATS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

YOU CANT EVEN TAKE COMFORT IN RELIGION BECAUSE RELIGION IS LIKE “yeah no everythings gonna be like really bad and get worse and worse until everyone dies”

like. SERIOUSLY.

so NO. I am not “ok” and if you are. Congratulations. You’ve achieved a level of ignorance I TRULY wish I could obtain.

you wanna know why NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS?

BECAUSE IF EVERYONE ON EARTH KNEW THIS. EVERYTHING WOULD COLLAPSE.

And I’m not saying you can’t be happy. YOU CAN! I am often happy! I have a lot of good moments. Life is worth living! Until a certain point you can always experience joy. There will always be SOMETHING. Good.

I’m sorry it sucks. I want it to change, I want to be happy. I want to go outside knowing that there’s a future, that there isn’t just misery ahead of me.

but I can’t do anything about it.

I can’t seek therapy. I can’t tell anyone.

because all they do is try and get me to be happy again, different strategies!! Different Methods! Different medication! So much medication :,D but I’m tired of people telling me not to be sad.

Stop trying to fix the individuals with drugs and cheesy advice.

FIX THE WORLD FOR US. THEN THE CHILDREN WONT NEED TO BE HIGH ON PAIN KILLERS TO BE HAPPY.

(I try to keep stuff like this to a minimum on my blog but at this point this is the only way I can safely put my opinion out into the world without being put into a mental hospital or yelled at.)

[spikeinthepunch]

something that was interesting abt the neuropsych was how they treat and diagnose actually. i am in socal and i am seeing some v open minded progressive doctors if you will. theyre very up to date on things- even on lgbt stuff i didnt think theyd be aware of. and i am very thankful for that. the way they treated symptoms, diagnosis and labels was a surprise and very welcomed...

the biggest thing we talked about, and something i have come to accept over time, is caring the most about your symptoms and not your label-- not to say you shouldnt get a diagnosis with a label. but rather that, whether or not you fit the criteria in the end, your symptoms being treated will always matter the most. because maybe you have an ocd symptom but its not enmough for that label, but it doesnt fit much of anywhere else. well, thats ok, we cant label it, but that doesnt invalidate the symptom that doesnt seem to "fit" anywhere!

another thing which i think may be subjective to some people was that when it came down to the cluster B traits, two personality labels came up-- but they weren't being called disorders. at least the way the paper, and my doctor, wanted to present it was without the "disorder" label. this is because he and others have felt that disorder as a label to these personality types dont do enough to consider the bigger picture of the cluster B traits.

and again this isnt to say the disorder label is no longer valid. but i think in terms of presenting such results if gives a better image of how it works and how it applies. doesnt mean you arent gonna be using meds made for those disorders or something-- but imo personality disorders are so so stigmatized, and even seeing those results made me very anxious (esp with what opinions i have encountered with worse doctor's in the past). i Do have the thing. but i can know too, with the way this information was relayed to me, that this is a lot in the entire picture of myself

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi! i sent in an ask awhile ago about lgbtq struggles and im just now getting around to asking about it i hope thats ok! no tws

so my issue is that i think i might be genderfluid because i keep having phases where i feel masc and then i feel fem and each time i just. hadnt thought "oh i might actually be genderfluid" and i just thought my gender like, changed? for good? like i thought i realised i was trans when i was masc for about a year or longer. so i came out n told people to use he him pronouns for me but just recently ive felt like a girl and at first it was really hard to accept because i didnt want to let go of my transness because i had identified with it for so long. but i guess i sorta dont even have to let it go all the way? because i dont feel female or like strictly a girl, id label myself genderfae right now. but anyways, my problem is that everytime i have a phase of feeling like a different gender it feels so permanent. and right now, i just feel so comfortable in my sapphic genderfae identity and i really dont want it to change again. do you know if this is actually a genderfluid experience or if i was just figuring myself out until now? or do you have any advice or tips? anything would be appreciated.

im so sorry, this is the maybe-genderfluid anon again, i forgot to add something to my ask! yk how i said that i felt sapphic and genderfae currently? what i really mean by that is that i feel like a lesbian. i cant see myself being with a man or being a man too, for that matter. but im scared that that's gonna change sometime. i dont know if it would be right for me to identify as a lesbian given my history of genderfluidity and the fact that it feels permanent each time it happens - like now, sure it FEELS permanent but i dont actually know that it is. i want it to be, but i dont know. im very confused. sorry for the second ask but thats probably the main problem. thank u in advance!

Hi anon,

Like I said in this ask, I think it's important to consider that on some level, identity always changes over time, even for people who identify as cis their entire life. There is no pressure to label yourself and your gender, as it can often be a very complex and fluid concept that may be hard to put any one label on, and that's okay. It's also important to consider that identity, including gender, can change over time, and that's okay too. Just because you no longer resonate with being trans or masc doesn't necessarily mean you were never either of these things. Discovering ourselves is an ongoing process. However, it's also perfectly valid to find comfort in labeling or naming your own experiences.

Part of discovering and finding ways to describe yourself sometimes involves experimenting with labels. I think of it as going to a clothing store and trying on different clothes. Some might be too bright, dark, big, small, and some might be passable for a little while until it just doesn't look right and you go shopping for more clothes, and all of that is okay. I think there's a lot of stigma that comes with trying to experiment with labels and find one that describes you accurately, because society tends to have a hard time respecting a change in identity. Sometimes this can influence the struggle to make these changes publicly.

While in the grand scheme of things your identity may shift various times, I think it's very natural and common to resonate with the gender you currently identify with so strongly that it feels permanent. I can understand how frustrating or confusing it might be to feel so sure that this is a permanent identity, only for it to shift over time. But I think it's worth considering that no identity has to be permanent, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a loss or disappointment if or when it eventually changes.

The way I see it is, if you identify as a lesbian now and in the future you find that you're attracted to men, that's okay. I think it's still fair to say that at one point you were a lesbian, etc. Like I said, discovering yourself is an ongoing process. However you want to identify, as long as it is in good faith (doesn't do harm), is valid. It's ultimately up to you to describe yourself and your identity, as you know yourself best.

I hope I could help, and know that we're here if you need anything.

-Bun

[emetkoto]

What ARE your other XIV ships?

I don't' really have any npc/npc ships bc i just dont care that much if my ocs arent involved thats just how my brain works gjskbsflds but here's all my wol/oc ships:

K'oto is in a poly ship with Estinien, G'raha Tia, and Emet-Selch! It's not like a four-way thing where they're all together too it's just. They are three guys who happen to have the same boyfriend and all live together with him <3 They go on group dates and stuff but Emet excuses himself from cuddling and Other Such Activities that Estinien and G'raha like each other enough to let overlap unless it's solo time with K'oto bc he's literally only alive rn for him he could possibly not be less interested in everyone else!!! but aside from occasionally butting heads with G'raha out of habit he's nice enough to them when they have to interact bc he knows K'oto will be sad if he's mean </3 he is married to Emet and G'raha but he and Estinien are chill staying as just partners, Estinien doesn't really care about marriage or putting labels on their relationship it's just not his thing and thats ok <3

Eme is shipped with and married to Urianger, but was involved in a will-they-wont-they mutual "unrequited" love thing with Haurchefant where they both thought they weren't good enough for the other and so never took initiative and then......it was too late </3 if not for That though she would have married him but bc soulmate stuff she would have still fallen for Urianger eventually and they would've become a poly thing bc I hate making choices and writing breakups and also why would they break up. If you asked me to pick two guys in this game who wouldnt mind sharing a wife it'd be them! She and Urianger are also kinda. Open. Y'shtola sometimes Joins them as a third but it's purely physical, and I maybe sort of kind of have been tossing around the same thing with Estinien lately. I had a weird shower thought about Eme pursuing him to cope after the Vault that turned into 'ok yeah maybe not that early but after 7 years of watching him grow into the weirdest most pathetic quirked up elezen man imaginable she might kinda want him' but again. only physical. The only ppl she's been in love with are Urianger and Haurchefant. She's one of those "likes every kind of girl and one specific kind of guy" bisexuals

Adem is shipped with Erenville and they're just kinda vibing :) not married yet but they will be eventually....they travel the world together when Adem isn't busy with his goldsmithing apprenticeship under Godbert or Studium work! Adem is very stupid and nervous all the time but Erenville finds it SO hot. Trip and stutter more boy it's only making him want you more! Truly failing upwards

and then Coconut is shipped with and married to Thancred though it's only as of the end of 6.0 that things have really settled down for them, it's been a rough 7 years what with Thancred being. Thancred. Spent a long time cheating on her even once they'd made things official following the praetorium where he promised to be better for her......then kept doing it and even ditched her at the banquet for another girl after promising he'd be there to spend time with her then she thought he DIED.....then he came back and promised once again he'd be better......then the truth about minfilia came around and he got really pissy and started acting like a dick 24/7 and also STILL flirting.....etc etc etc until late shb where she reached her breaking point watching him treat Ryne like shit and also continue treating HER like shit so she broke up with him.....at the end of 5.0 tho he tried to propose and made his grandest most sincere apology yet and even though she took him back for one more chance she rejected his proposal bc she needed time to see that he was serious before that.....they were married.....then he did good for all of 6.0 and they got married in the 6.0-6.1 1 year timeskip :) things are good as of right now.......only time will tell how he'll do in dt. king of fumbling, thancred waters

[away-ward]

I love one of your latest asks about will being weak because it's so true!!! Anon, im with you on this! Weak men and MMCs are truly a fucking disease!!!

Ok i feel like this other topic has been discussed here but maybe not, i dont remember, but its about how will always reminds emmy and himself that emmy didnt fit in with his friends, as if theres something wrong with her for not fitting into a label and box that they have for everyone else (as if these characters themselves did not spend their whole fucking books and lives fighting against people labelling them and putting them in a box, but hey everyone in DN are fucking hypocrites, we knew this already), while at the same time will himself had never made much effort to fit into emmy's life or get to know her lifestyle, to be her friend or get to know her deeper outside of what he wanted. It still doesnt make sense because i believe if will wa smore respectful and kind towards his approach with emmy, we couldve gotten a friends to best friends to lovers arc!!!! Maybe we can even get some betrayal and separation to justify will's anger, like think about it. The missed opportunity!!!

I also think there's something wrong and weird with the way will went about this "emmy not fitting in" because from the way ke kept on saying it made me believe that the horsemen were some wonderful group of people to fit in with or something, but in reality, it's just a group of super privileged MMCs and FMCs with ugly ass characters, personalities, lifestyles, with varying degree of misogyny. My first thought was, "now why the fuck would you shame a women for not fitting in with a bunch of nasty people, with nasty moral, and nasty personalities, as if EMMY was the weird guy, and not the other way around". Like theres something wrong with the way the whole crew went about it. And thats why i also believe that alex's attack of emmy in the train wasnt just out of worry for aydin's safety and jealousy for whatever bullshit manipulation of aydin made she think about aydin x emmy, but also because alex probably had at a certain point put emmy on a different pedestal than other women she met in life, be it because of will or because of the way he saw other men treat emmy as compared to alex. So when alex found out that blackchurch emmy wasnt so different than her lifestyle, i think alex trying to fight emmy in the train and later on demanding for her underwear back from emmy was not just out of petty fight, but it was to prove to everyone the things alex said to em in blackchurch "i knew you could do this too". Implying that emmy was just like the crew in thunder bay, even if emmy might never admit it out loud. Alex probably had misinterpreted emmy as being judging towards her life to just because everyone else does, and emmy never said much of anything. We dont even know how much alex knew about her. Now, on the other side though, we knew from emmy's pov that emmy never had a problem with what she wanted or even the horsemen or alex, the only problem is she thought she couldnt have them, but how was the rest supposed to know this right? And so this might also be one of the cause of misunderstanding between alex and emmy. To show that emmy was not so above everyone else, that she wa sjust "like us", and mistaking that emmy looked down on them for this particular lifestyle like aydin did to alex. Because aydin had shamed alex in many ways for her lifestyle, out of his own resentment and shortcoming, so i feel like this could also be where alex was coming from. HOWEVER, I hate alex even more for this though because alex couldve just asked emmy where she came from (theyre "friends"!!!), but alex made assumptions about emmy, humiliate her in front of everyone, and tried to put emmy down just to look good in front of the rest, and that all happened because of internalised misogyny. Literally, there wa sno excuse for this because we never saw emmy did the same, nit even with her female bullies at school. One of your alex's anon asks in the past was right, alex shouldve had this same energy (or even worse) with aydin and call him out and beat him up instead for treating her like a dirtbag, but why hurt emmy? No explanation here, it's internalised misogyny, lmao! I hate this repeated misogynistic plotline from pd so much! Why cant they let these women be pillars for each other and build amazing healthy female relationship instead of always cretaing female rivalries? Idk, the more that i think about alex's character, the ickier she gets, and i hate it because pd framed her to her to be this "pure good morally right person viking", and im like, where? And on the same note, wasnt emmy the same? But why was she framed differently?You all are right, even alex was guilty by association, just by being around the horsemen nd their wives + crew. Unfortunately, alex, just like the rest, was a delusional bitch, no wonder she said something about emmy's presence as being grounding. Someone needs to pop their thunder bay bubble asap!

That leads to my next point. DN series turned me off for a different reason: all these grown adult men and women always be doing the most vile things to others (almost always undeservingly) and they wont own up to it. Interesting how their moral judgment is very relative, because as long as they're not micah's terrorist father or gabriel or evans or trevor level of nasty, they're consider and label THEMSELVES as good? Delusional privileged people behaviour! Cowards! They be saying things like "own it, before it owns you" but then go out if their way to try to justify their bad deeds as if we readers are stupid or something. They look like cowards to me honestly, because pd couldve used this to make it about morally grey or black villains who dgaf about anyone and living their life to the fullest, doing ACTUAL crimes, not just petty ones and own them (even rowan in The Fine Print was more a piece of shit than Michael when it comes to business ethics, and he's in a romcom bro, so embarrassing!), but pd made their characters to be the worst of the cowards and losers. I think one of your damon hate asks even mentioned about their unsatisfaction towards damon's character where he was unskilled and incompetent, even in his own crime, because everything he did, he was never active, always had someone's help to make it happen, but readers ate it up, acting as if he was this super competent guy doing everything or smth like that. Which i agree 100%, because not even damon who got special treatment by pd was someone amazing due of his own lacking that went unnoticed just because he was "seen" as hot to some. Just like that anon, maybe im just like them where i hate incompetent and unskilled men, and i would never love to read stories about these kind of MMCs or date irl men like them, so maybe thats why i noticed this even more than the rest. Being conventionally attractive and having that as your main attributes doesnt do it for me especially for a long term/ lasting relationship and admiration, they have to have somethimg going on in theirpersonal and professional lives for them to be interesting to me, and i noticed, this was what dark romance genre was always lacking.

I believe that dark romance is a hard subgenre to write, because not only it is already hard to write non-dark romance, now you have another layer of darker elements that you gotta add to make your stories work. I've never read one DarkRom book that i truly love because of this. My favourites were always non-darkrom because darkrom always felt lackluster and incomplete, i always felt like they lack substance, so as much as i might like their themes explored, writing style. or characters, or plot, or settings, i can never give them a full 5 stars, because theyre not enough for me. Let me know if you notice this too, or if you find your expectations for darkrom having a lot /not much difference than non-darkrom. Idk if others feel like this too, but these were what took my enjoyment from this series. The DN series was shallow and cheap for these reasons among many others, especially the "there was not much concrete substance" part, because even the substance was not grounding enough to me. I just need more i guess, idk. In fact, i wish it was more unhinged, because if theres one thing about pd that i like, its their writing style. They can really write great spooky or suspense-building stories, i gotta give them that. Not many non-horror or thriller authors ive read so far that could write spooky scenes or danger-consuming scenes like pd, and i was disspointed that they did not capitalise more on this. Ngl, if pd wrote thrille ror horror one day, i might even pre-order it, because one of the best thrillerxsuspense opening from a non-thriller books was Credence by them. The first few chapters were kinda eery in a reality-grounding way when you read books by famous horror thriller writers, the same goes with hideaway. Ngl, nightfall's opening was more goofy to me than it was scary, im so sorry pd 😭🤣

Anon, im with you on this! Weak men and MMCs are truly a fucking disease!!!

You guys are so funny. I feel like a middle man for your conversations. Like I’m playing telephone or something. I think I’m gonna have to go back and start labeling the Anon messages with numbers or something so you can reference each other.

Let me know if this is okay with all of you or if you have a problem.

I’m going to let you know before we get into it, that I’m in a mood as I’m typing this. I’m not sure what’s caused it, but I’m feeling a bit more sarcastic than usual and feeling less like editing myself. So this is going to be a long one and I hope you read the sarcasm for what it is. Remember, bold is not for emphasis but for ease of skimming and reading.

will always reminds emmy and himself that emmy didnt fit in with his friends

I would be surprised if there was a topic we haven’t touched on by this point. I have thought about this so I also can’t remember if I’ve talked about or just ranted to myself. Either way, I don’t think it’s the first time the issue has been raised. I know that I have discussed how Will’s privileged blinded him, and how his attitude about his privilege probably didn’t seem all that bad to him because of his peers. They were all in the same boat.

I mean yacht.

And I think I’ve mentioned that even without the abuse, Emmy still would have had a hard time fitting because of her lack of privilege. So I don’t think for either of them being aware of this reality is a bad thing. What irritated me the most about this situation was Will pursuing Emory so heavily, only to remind her that she’s replaceable anytime she didn’t do what he wanted. My reaction in that situation would have been “then replaceable me.” Similar to Em’s. It was such backwards thinking. Like he could somehow trick her into wanting him by reminding her that he was desirable to others. Reverse psychology at its worst, truly.

But I think that’s probably what I liked about Will more than the others. He actually had realistic path to grow?

I don’t know. Sometime when people talk about characters, it seems like they want the characters to have already reached their full potential and all their mistakes be because of external issues. And I'm not accusing you of that, but it's a trend I've seen. This always sticks out to me because I love when characters mess up and change, as long as that growth makes sense. Whether it's for the better or worse, it should make some sort of sense. People aren’t always great. Sometimes people suck. Just genuinely suck. And then, as they have life experiences, they can grow into a better person.

For me, Will takes this course. He sucked, because he wasn’t even aware of how badly he was messing up. Sure, his intentions with Emmy were sincere, but even if he did become aware of the abuse while they were in school, I have no doubt that his immaturity would have messed it up even more. Either way, he could have then had experiences that formed him into the person we see towards the end. Someone who can admit their mistakes, and forfeit what they want if it would make the people they care for happier. We never got to see a fully developed Will, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t the direction he was going in.

And this opposes his friends. Michael and Kai didn’t undergo such a changed. They sort of stayed the same throughout their story. They just got what they wanted in the end and it made them happier. Yay. Damon did undergo a significant change, but as it’s been pointed out, the way it happened and how quickly was sort of unbelievable. Will has the most believable story line in terms of development. He still sucked. But sucked slightly less at the end, and I could easily see how he got to that point.

But that’s just me. I get where you’re coming from.

if will wa smore respectful and kind towards his approach with emmy, we couldve gotten a friends to best friends to lovers arc!!!! Maybe we can even get some betrayal and separation to justify will's anger, like think about it. The missed opportunity!!!

True, but like I said, I feel that Will thought he was being respectful and kind, because he was blind to the reality of how Emmy would interpret his attentions. He’d never experienced that level of rejection before, and because he didn’t know about the abuse, he couldn’t see a reason for it. Wasn’t he being nice by doing her homework? Wasn’t he being nice by listening to her when she complained that they were ruining her pool time? Wasn’t he being nice by giving her a ride home? Sure, she put up a fight, but she secretly liked it because he saw her reaction in the science lab. He’s giving her a way to act on those thoughts without forcing her to embarrass herself by admitting she wants it.

Isn’t. He. So. NICE???

And as the reader, we’re like no. You’re literally ruining her life! AND disrespecting her, because she told you no.

Friends-to-lovers isn’t my usual go-to. But I also don’t like second-chance romance, which all of DN basically is sooo…. Plus, I did read a whole book just to delude myself into getting a friends-to-lovers willemmy, so safe to stay I might have really enjoyed that. It would have been a nice break from the usual with this series.

it made me believe that the horsemen were some wonderful group of people to fit in with or something

I mean. It seems to me that most wealthy, privileged people think everyone wants to be like them. And, if we’re talking about their time in high school, then that way of thinking is probably even more prevalent. These are people who don’t really experience life outside of their wealth, so it’s normal to them. And if you don’t have what’s normal, wouldn’t you want it? Aren’t these life’s necessities? And they wouldn’t see each other as bad people, so for Emmy to point out their flaws and go “you guys are horrible people”, doesn’t make sense to them. Because

They’re good people. They’re not out there ruining other people’s lives. They’re just having fun. They’re not like Anderson or their parents or Martin, after all. Those are the really bad people. Why couldn’t Emmy tell the difference?

Obviously, it’s because she’s a judgmental hag who never wanted to see them clearly to begin with because it would ruin her superiority complex.

That’s seems to be his reasoning, at least.

because alex probably had at a certain point put emmy on a different pedestal than other women she met in life, be it because of will or because of the way he saw other men treat emmy as compared to alex.

Oh, Alex...

I can see Alex having some sort of complex about Emmy, but more than anything I felt she was curious when she approached Em at the cove, wanting to confirm what she thought she knew. Alex confused me when she put the thought into Emmy’s head that she could be competition.

I mean, I get that Emmy still wanted Will, but more than that, she wanted Will to be happy (because she’s a good person!). So even if Will found happiness with Alex, Emmy wouldn’t see her as competition because she’d basically already taken herself out of the running. But are we supposed to see Emmy being jealous of Alex because Alex is who he wants now? And Alex pushes this idea for what? To play with Em? To get her reaction? To encourage her that she still had a foot in the race to Will’s heart? To try and be her friend? It never made sense to me.

I don’t think I’ll truly ever be sure of Alex’s motive for attacking Em, and that’s because Alex takes ownership of her actions. She made choices, she wasn’t a ""victim"". Okay. If you’re not a victim of circumstance, like Em, and you both achieved your goals doing what you thought was best for yourselves, then what are you jealous over, Alex?

Unless… the taking ownership of her decisions is all pretense and posturing? Convincing herself that she’s just as good as Em, except that Em made decisions she was proud of; she worked to get her degree, she actually sacrificed what she wanted to save herself and her grandmother, she’s still strong without anyone holding her up. You can’t convince me Alex doesn’t see Emmy standing alone, defiant against the Horsemen and Aydin, and wonder if she could do the same? I don’t know. I mean, the characters in this series aren’t consistent and I’ve said that Alex was meant to be perfect always, so it’s hard to really figure out what was going on.

If one thing is for sure, I think Alex has succeed in being one of the most controversial characters in the series, and it’s not even about her career as a sex worker. Does that count as progress???

So when alex found out that blackchurch emmy wasnt so different than her lifestyle,

I’m not sure what you meant with this thought. To me, they have different lifestyles, so if you could clarify what you mean?

We dont even know how much alex knew about her.

That’s true, I guess. We know she could easily recognize Emmy on sight, and that she knew from Will that Emmy was “sassy” or something, indicating that Will probably talked about her. I HC that he talked about her more than once. I don’t see him getting into all that in one go. She probably knows about the gazebo and why he went to prison. But how much of their relationship, specifics about Em? No idea. But what’s irritating is that Alex believes in her ability to read people so much, she thinks she’s got Emmy all figured out, when it’s very clear that she doesn’t.

And so this might also be one of the cause of misunderstanding between alex and emmy. To show that emmy was not so above everyone else, that she wa sjust "like us", and mistaking that emmy looked down on them for this particular lifestyle like aydin did to alex.

You’re saying that Alex’s attack was to prove to Emmy that she wasn’t better than them, that they weren’t better than her, but they were all cut from the same cloth? Or that Alex believed that Emmy thought she was better than them because she didn’t frequently go around breaking the laws and giving into all her impulses? And Alex wanted to prove to her like “see, you have the same impulses. You can act on them here, with us, and it’ll all be okay. We’ll catch you.”

I can understand that. If that was the case, it was a weird way to go about it. Very confrontational. But I doubt Emmy was in any state to trust any of them, so maybe backing her into a corner for her to push herself out of was the only way to get there. I think the first one is what you meant; that Alex thought Emmy thought she was better and wanted to bring her to their level because she was feeling judged, but I think the second one is closer to what PD thought they were doing. Because Alex is all knowing and always right. She knows what everyone needs.

alex even more for this though because alex couldve just asked emmy where she came from (theyre "friends"!!!), but alex made assumptions

But Alex asking questions would mean that Alex isn’t all knowing and isn’t always right and doesn’t knows what everyone needs before they know they need it. How can Alex be perfect if Alex has to ask questions?????

Why cant they let these women be pillars for each other and build amazing healthy female relationship instead of always cretaing female rivalries?

That would have been nice to see. I usually don’t get mad at Alex for not attacking Aydin. If Alex was running scared from her feelings towards Aydin, not ready to sort them out, and she was overly concerned for Will, then Emmy becomes an easy target because she knows she can’t ruin her relationship with Emmy.

Note: I don’t understand how they have that close a bond after one night of drinking together. I’m just saying what the narrative told us. And as the narrative as reminded us multiple times, Alex is… apparently some sort of addictive substance that people experience once and can’t get enough of??? I have no other reasoning for the other character’s reactions to her.

Either way, it would have been nice if Alex used her powers for good to build up the friendships in the group instead of trying to get laid literally all the time.

To be clear, I do feel this is an error in storytelling. I can’t blame it all on Alex when PD is one who created her and forced those decisions on her, for reasons that I don’t understand. It feels like PD really did prioritize empowering women through freedom of sexual expression, but at the cost of writing actual friendships on the page? It was choice, and not one I can appreciate fully. Especially when I love seeing friendships play out so much. But I’m sure it’s found it audience somewhere and for that, good for them.

all these grown adult men and women always be doing the most vile things to others (almost always undeservingly) and they wont own up to it.

I’m laughing because I don’t know if it was the past storyline or because of their maturity levels, but I always forgot these characters were in their mid-twenties. Like, I don’t care what the timeline says, these characters are between 17-21 in every book and being told Will was 26 in NF was like a slap in the face. I was disgusted with him.

pd couldve used this to make it about morally grey or black villains who dgaf about anyone and living their life to the fullest, doing ACTUAL crimes, not just petty ones and own them

Yeah. Every time they were gearing up for a “big” thing, I kept expecting something… you know… big to happen. But it was all mundane, teenage antics (see point above).

I believe that dark romance is a hard subgenre to write, because not only it is already hard to write non-dark romance, now you have another layer of darker elements that you gotta add to make your stories work. I've never read one DarkRom book that i truly love because of this.

This is a good point. I don’t usually read a ton of dark romance. DN was a weird phase for me. If I do, I like the “dark” characters to be intelligent at least, not just mean. Even then, I know I’m getting into some nonsense, ridiculous plot so I usual turn off my critical thinking skills. Because of that, I never remember the books I’ve read that are considered “dark romance”. If you bring one up, I can remember if I’ve opened it or not, but characters names and events have been erased.

And your comments before that are probably why Dark Rom is meant for adults who already know that seeking out these types of people in real life is a horrible idea? Still, I know some readers who aren’t ready for this material for various reasons, be it age or past experiences they haven’t dealt with or something else, will get ahold of books like this and think that the abuse and drama that happens in these “love stories” are what true romances are made out of. Frustrating, but also none of my business. Just be happy that you know yourself well enough that these tactics wouldn’t work on you.

However, I don’t think I’ve ever attempted a dark romance. I’ve attempted to write stuff that has a darker edge than my usual, but never that dark. I’m not a thriller or horror writer, so… But I think the goal would be to bring in an equal balance of each genre, and then push them to the foreground at different parts of the story to blend them together. I’m not sure how I would do it, and I probably won’t ever try, really.

The DN series was shallow and cheap for these reasons among many others, especially the "there was not much concrete substance" part, because even the substance was not grounding enough to me.

Interestingly enough, DN to me is like a carnival as opposed to a theme park. A theme park is a whole thing. A day excursion. A planned event.

At a carnival, the rides are short, they’re not really scary, you’re never really worried, yet they’re still fun. Maybe even a little boring to some. But one ride is never enough. And it’s not the only the rides, it’s the whole environment. It’s the candy and games, and the lights and sounds, it’s the people. One night to escape from the usual. It’s what you make it. It pops up for a time and then leaves, because it was never meant to stick around. It still provided a good time.

I’ve said before this series was never meant to be torn apart and analyzed to this degree. And I know there are a hundred other series that have the exact same tropes and similar plotlines? So are we so mad that this series was so bad compared to them, or are we mad that this series could have been better? Why are we still here talking about it when so many others have faded as soon as we closed the cover?

As you said, there are some things PD does very well in their writing. So maybe we are just upset that DN had so much promise and failed to deliver?

[teeforhee]

hmmm in what situations do I call myself an abuse victim and in what situations do I call myself an abuse survivor? what social purpose does choosing one of those terms over the others serve? is a 6 month relationship long enough to call myself either? the answer to that last one is yes for sure I am well aware but still. questions to discuss with my therapist at our next session.

[onovnii]

share your om trans hc Right Now

# obey me trans headcanons

feat. mammon , leviathan , satan , asmodeus , beelzebub , belphegor

summary. my gender headcanons for the obey me brothers

cw. trans talk 😗 , dysphoria

author n. reqs are closed but… anon you dont know HOW excited i am to share these… ive mentioned trans levi b4 but im gonna briefly talk abt everyone !! (and THEN dive into trans levi) ALSO!! i did some research for all the identities i listed but pls lmk if i got any of them wrong 😭!!!

disclaimer! everyone experiences gender differently, so if none of what i say relates to you in any way, that’s ok! these are based off of my OWN experiences.

i’m not sure how to categorize this so i’ll just dump this here ???

as angels, the brothers weren’t created with any specific gender in mind. (to me, all angels present masculine but they aren’t men)

in the celestial realm, since the brothers didn’t really pay attention to their gender identity, they never really got time to explore it. so maybe all of them were some form of nonbinary ?? (i think agender)

it’s only AFTER they turned to demons, the thought of gender came to mind. (some brothers even changed their physical form)

(i wish i had the time to draw these ajwjdcx)

mammon.

bigender , he/she

▸ at first mammon didn’t really care 💀

▸ he was too busy trying to hold her family together.

▸  when mammon became a model, THATS when the topic of gender interested her.

▸  over the years, mammon had tested out nearly everything.

▸ a more feminine form, voice etc etc

▸ she was the first to actually transition ^^

▸ despite all the mean comments his brothers say 😒 they take it v seriously!!

▸ when mammon came to them to nervously ask them to use she/her for him sometimes, they all were v supportive :’)

▸  mammon keeps her masc form (the one in game) but time to time, mammon will change it to a more fem form on will

▸ his feminine body looks relatively similar, just shorter and slightly longer hair (think wolfcut)

leviathan (aka me projecting LMAO)

agender , she/he/they + neos

▸ *i haven’t fully decided what neos levi would use…+ i feel like he’d use multiple sets so its rlly up to ur choice lol

▸ anyway,, levi feels the MOST amount of dysphoria out of his brothers :(

▸  gender gets real confusing for them so he’s been through MULTIPLE identities in her lifetime

▸  for like the longest, levi didn’t know what to do abt his dysphoria…he hadn’t figured out how to change forms like mammon 😞

▸  mammon helped levi the most ^^ taught them how to change their body at will to help relieve any stress it might’ve brought.

▸  when levi decided they wanted a bigger chest, it worked for a little bit! …then he felt a little too feminine n the cycle repeats.

▸  they couldn’t find the right in-between for him so levi would kinda have breakdowns over it 🙁(me tbh…)

▸  mammon was right there trying to help his little bro.

▸ it wasn’t till much later, when mammon heard asmo talking about it, he learned about the existence of binders 😯

▸ offered the idea to levi, which was sort of confused by but yk, went along with it.

▸ the binder idea was great, it acted like a middle ground for him(?)

▸ he could present masc some days, while still having the body he preferred (levi does prefer fem bodies :)

▸ their bottom dysphoria is a mess, let’s not get into it 🧍🏽

▸ levi needed lots of reassurance when ‘coming out’ to his brothers. mammon was right behind him cheering him on :D

▸ every one of them all helped levi in little or big ways :’)

▸ asmo’s the brother who helped him with his physical appearance the most (buying clothes, styling hair)

▸ satan got books from the human realm that further dived into gender (i believe that the devildom doesn’t have much bc..again they dont generally care) to help levi find a label or anything else that could help :)

▸  belphie and him have some sort of solidarity between them

▸  both of them got similar issues so they’re just always there for eachother. even in silence.

▸ levi’s preferred body looks similar to how it is in game, tall lanky n kinda lean? (their weight fluctuates a lot..that’s a topic for a different post)

▸ but it’s more feminine as well! in the basic areas like the chest, hips and thighs. (more curves)

▸  but she keeps the body hair so…pretty much rivals beel when it comes to that lol

satan

no label , they/them

▸  satan already has identity issues..feels bad

▸ did they ever use it to differentiate themselves from lucifer? absolutely.

▸  did that cause more problems for them? absolutely.

▸  satan struggles just as much as levi, but they keep quiet about it.

▸ the only one they rlly confide in is asmo.

▸ they tested out different sets of pronouns, identities etc but nothing rlly fit...

▸ until belphie just straight up told them, they could just not go by anything. 

▸  satan prefers not going by anything (honestly no pronouns is the best way to refer to satan…)

▸ less confusion, less things to worry about, they’d rather not think about it.

▸  satan’s form is still masc, they prefer it that way. (they do however, have a more feminine face i.e features. it’s really cute actually)

▸ does a lot of research to help out their brothers ^^ 

asmodeus

genderfluid , any prns

▸  the girlboy boygirl we all deserve AND needed!

▸  the most comfortable in his gender.

▸  asmo uses ALL pronouns and doesn’t mind what set you use !!

▸  typically their brothers will use a set that correlates to however asmo’s presenting as

▸  which changes a lot tbh…

▸ he loves to express his identity through clothes and always explores different ways to express himself.

▸  never sticks to one thing either…

▸  tbh, asmo doesn’t care for labels. she just slaps one on to make it easier for others to refer to him.

▸  prefers fem terms :]

▸  asmo’s form is a mix between feminine and masculine. at first glance, you can’t really tell (i wish i were him)

beelzebub

agender , he/him

▸  he just used he/him bc that’s what he’s used to and most comfortable in.

▸  still isn’t a man or fully identifies as one.

▸  beel doesn’t really care about his gender, he has more things to worry about.

▸  he cares more about his brothers though!!! always there for moral support:(

▸  specifically levi and belphie. beel knows they both struggle the most with it so he’s there with whatever they need :<

▸  his form is basically the same as canon. (his face IS more feminine tho...like satan its v v cute :)

belphegor demiboy , they/he/she

▸  like levi, struggles a lot.

▸  the worst part about it is that belphie doesn’t care enough to do anything about it.

▸  cue wallowing in your own discomfort for years… LMAO (me)

▸  nah but fr for the longest, belphie hasn’t felt truly comfortable in their own body.

▸  they were kinda in denial for a bit 😯…

▸  once the gears finally clicked, they told their brothers at like dinner and like everyone was like ?? why didnt you ?? say so ????

▸  cue all 6 of her older bros coddling him…cue belphie enjoying it bc he’s got the biggest younger sibling syndrome ever….

▸  belphie grew out their hair because it sorta helped. (and he was just lazy to cut it lol…)

▸  like mentioned before, he and levi has some sort of solidarity going on.

▸  they help eachother a lot (bc they understand eachother the most)

▸  funny, you’d think it would be beel…

▸  i mean, it IS most of the time. but it’s just nice to have someone like you yknow??

▸  his form is more feminine than masc, he probably just thinks having tits is more comfortable 😭💀

▸  their voice is relatively the same.. she was too lazy to change it hahdkcc

-val

[nikrangdan]

classmate!sunghoon

pairing: classmate!sunghoon x female reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: you felt like park sunghoon was way, WAY out of your league... what happens when the teacher tells him to move seats and sit next to you?

*didnt proofread

————

becoming friends with park sunghoon was not something you expected to happen this year

throughout high school you had a small group of friends and never really stuck out

so when your teacher told sunghoon to move seats..

the seat happened to be the empty one next to..

guess who *cue the evil laugh*

YOU!!!!

your first thought was

‘this entire year is just gonna be him completely ignoring my existence or awkward interactions’

now you’ve heard of park sunghoon.... its basically a guarantee at your high school

he has this group of friends and theyre labelled as the popular kids i guess you could say

and the only reason he had to move seats in your two hour long class was because he and his friend jake goof off in class too often and your teacher deemed them “too distracting”

so eventually sunghoon was forced to move all the way across the classroom

right next to you

you were shocked to say the least

obviously he was handsome

too handsome to the point where you questioned how someone as good looking as him went to your school

he sighed and got up from his chair next to jake

but he still had a small smile remaining on his face indicating he wasnt that upset about him having to leave his friend

your heart began to beat quicker automatically as he walked towards your desk

even if you didnt have a crush on him like alot of people did, you still felt nervous around popular students like him for some reason

he ran his hand through his hair and sat down next to you, setting his bookbag on the floor next to him

he didnt look at you, nor acknowledge you

Awkward....

but nonetheless the lecture began again and the class sat in silence

taking notes on their laptops or sleeping

there were around 30 people in your class and your seat was in the middle row next to the window so you often gazed outside from the 2nd floor during class

you glanced to your right and noticed sunghoon slouched back in his seat, twirling around a pencil in his hand while his laptop remained open on his desk

it was just a white screen so he didnt take any notes

you were surpised because you knew he had fairly decent grades

you ignored your thoughts and continued taking your own notes

soon enough the bell rang and sunghoon stood up immediately and walked over to jake

‘yup’ you thought. ‘we are definitely not going to be having a single conversation this year.’

fast forward a couple days!!!!

you were sitting in class next to the boy

as normal

and you still have yet to talk to him.. mainly because you never initiated conversations ESPECIALLY when its a really really cute boy

anyways

ur teacher is like

Ok class im assigning a project and ur partner is the person sitting next to u

yay!!!!!! (can u sense the sarcasm)

welp

you sit in silence while everyone in the class starts discussing with their partners

the project is you have to make a presentation on a world issue of your choice

“um...” u start

sunghoon starts pulling out his laptop and binder

“what do you wanna do?”

he doesnt even look you

well!!!!!!

u didnt know sunghoon and his group of friends very well but u definitely thought they were more... friendly than this

its silent for like 5 seconds

“huh? oh sorry did you say something?”

“uh yeah.. i asked what you wanted to do for the project.”

“project?”

God u tried so hard not to laugh

you think he noticed because his cheeks turned a really light shade of pink

he looked so innocent

“yeah we have to make a presentation” you lightly chuckled

he was very amusing without even trying

“oh sorry haha.. i zone out easily”

“its okay.. but its due in less than 2 weeks so”

so you two spent the next hour choosing a topic and working on the project

it was kind of awkward for the first 10 minutes but then you warmed up to eachother

u were lucky that he was an extrovert too

(sunghoon is an extrovert for the sake of this story OK)

u were also lucky that he was smart

it was easy for you to talk to him.. he just felt comfortable

contrary to ur prior belief.. sunghoon was actually a really really cool guy

u used to think he was just a guy

now u think hes a really really cool guy

“can you please stop putting penguin clip art on the slides” you giggle

then he puts parrot clip art instead

“do your work!!!!” he was supposed to keep researching but he was trying to balance his pen on his nose

“shhh y/n... im doing something important.”

you roll your eyes

he was always doing something that was Not work

but you found it entertaining

and he’d make dumb little jokes that made you both hide your faces in your arms on top of the desk to hide your laughter

“hey y/n”

“what”

“what do you call an old snowman”

“i dunno.. snowgramps”

“no.. water”

you both made eye contact before bursting into laughter and then forcing yourselves to be quiet before u got in trouble

but that made everything funnier so you both were just covering your faces while trying so hard not to make a sound

this was so weird

u have never clicked with someone so fast before it honestly felt exciting

you were talking to sunghoon as if you’d been friends with him since birth

Very Very weird because you had only talked to him an hour ago and now u two are acting like besties ?!?!

jake noticed from across the room too

hes like ‘Why is sunghoon having fun without me🙄🙄’

the bell rings and so far you only have 2 slides

“we didnt get anything done” you note as you pack your bag

“yeah yeah i know. we can work on it more tomorrow”

“right.. see you tomorrow” you’re about to head out until jake walks up

“hey bro” he and sunghoon do some kind of made up handshake before he turns to look at you

now you know jake

everyone knows jake

you used to think he was the sweetest out of all their friend group

and he definitely lives up to that!!!

“hey y/n!” he gives u a smile

AWE hes so adorable

“hi” u reply

you were trying to speed up this conversation though so you could go eat lunch with your friend

“hows the project going?” he asks

“bad. sunghoon doesnt know how to do anything.” you deadpanned jokingly

sunghoon looks at you with an offended look that makes you wanna snort

“hey! you’re the one who doesn’t know how to add text to the slide!”

“what the hell sunghoon?! don’t tell him that, it’s embarrassing!” you give him a dirty look before walking out the classroom door with a smile on your face

days passed and you and sunghoon would only speak during that class but whenever you did it would be a mess

“sunghoon, y/n, quiet down! there is no reason for my classroom to be this loud!” your teacher scolds you two after sunghoon slapped his desk after you accidentally snorted

u two had such a weird relationship

u were almost strangers outside this one class but besties when u were in it

jake noticed too

one time he asked sunghoon during lunch why ur relationship was what it was

“i dont know.. thats just how we are” he answered

but jake kind of suspected sunghoon had a crush on u

*wiggles eyebrows*

it had only been a week but jake was determined to set u up together

“y/n you look cold, heres sunghoons jacket!”

“y/n sunghoon needs help with his homework, can you maybe do something about that..”

“sunghoon, y/n looks sad go give her a hug”

needless to say it worked!!!!

because a week after you presented your 2 weeks worth project

sunghoon asked u on a date

YUPPPPPP

let me recite how it went

u were walking out of class together because jake wasnt there that day

sunghoons bookbag was slung over one shoulder and u were stood next to him with both hands on ur straps

“hey.. do u wanna maybe go grab something to eat with me for dinner..? or something” he quickly asked

“what, like a date?” you joke

“uh.. yeah” he replied looking down at u

u stop in your tracks

WHA

No way

“wait what? seriously?” you look up at him with wide eyes

“yes u little munchkin” he pinches your cheeks exaggeratedly and pulls them to make your face sway everywhere

u swat them off so fast

“um.. okay” u answer and ur face heats up

you cant even look him in the eye

like u cant say u DIDNT see this coming but it was still a shock

“awe is y/n blushing” he teases

“go away stupid”

yeah he doesnt go away

ANYWAYS u are the cutest couple ever

everyone wants to be u two so bad!

couple goals literally

jake is so proud of himself honestly

whenever u get into a silly little argument his rebuttal is always

“remind me who got u the best boyfriend ever? thats right, me. dont try me y/n”

and ur like

“ooohhh jakey im so scareddd”

he cannot stand u

but Yeah sunghoon bestest bf ever

takes u on dates whenever u want to

makes u laugh very much

almost too much

and ur parents LOVE him

mhm sunghoon very awesome guy

[satoruvt]

for a moment i forget to worry

pairing → xu minghao x reader

word count → 3196

genre → fluff + angst, college au ↳ tags: strangers to friends to lovers </3, college kinda sux, ROOMMATE CHAN MAKES AN APPEARANCE OR TWO, dance major minghao, reader is completely lost but its ok who isnt, lots of cute couple stuff, pov ur entire relationship with minghao. thats it, a sad break up scene, a solid amount of crying

summary → there’s something about minghao. maybe it’s the way he dances, vibrant and youthful, or maybe it’s the way he loves you. based off of hunger by florence + the machine.

warnings → i hint at sex but its pretty vague, i also mention a breakdown type deal (revolving around school/life after school)

a/n → first of all this was NOT supposed to be 3k words i dont know how it happened. second of all i’m only kind of happy with this HAHA i feel like the story itself isnt bad but i wanted it to match the song more ... idk :/ i hope u guys like it regardless !!!

pieces of you masterlist

The first time you see him is by accident.

Really - all you’re doing is trying to find Chan. You’re passing by the practice rooms, looking into them in hope he’ll be there, stopping to gaze at decorations and medals and trophies lined up on the walls. It’s when you approach a room that music plays from that you think you’ve found Chan, but when you gaze in, it’s definitely not him.

You don’t know who it is, but he moves like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

It’s hypnotizing, almost makes you want to drop your things and dance with him. There’s a sense of youth that comes from him and it’s almost overwhelming - but it’s not in energy, necessarily, but rather from the precision of his movements, the technicalities that he seems to both follow and break at the same time. Something vibrant seeps out between the seams of his body, colors you can barely recognize as they splash against anything they can reach. It’s almost tangible. 

You watch him long enough for him to finish his performance (an unknowing one) with the last notes of a song you forgot was even playing. His eyes meet with yours, slow as he completes an eloquent turn, and at the same time, a hand meets your shoulder.

A small wave of embarrassment washes over you, and you turn towards whoever touched you, effectively breaking eye contact. “What are you doing here?” Chan asks, hair still wet from what you assume was a shower.

“Looking for you,” you tell him, following as he starts to walk towards the exit. “I wanted lunch, and you owe me for that time I took your British literature quiz for you.”

Chan groans but agrees to pay, and you laugh, though the world seems a little paler than it did a few moments ago.

The second time you see him is by chance.

(Maybe.)

You’re waiting for a lecture to start, tapping your fingers against your laptop idly as you watch students trickle in last minute. It’s not a strict course, but it does start at nine in the morning, and most everyone shows up with a coffee.

You look down to brush a stray hair off of your table, and when you look up again, the dancer from before walks through the door, then looks right at you.

You feel a blush heat your face and it’s like he wants to make sure that you know that he knows, because he almost refuses to look away. You break eye contact first (like the last time, you remember for no reason) but still watch as his figure moves up the stairs, past the rows, and you hope he’ll just move past you too…

He doesn’t. He takes the empty seat right next to yours, and you don’t say anything, instead finding the peeling sticker on your laptop incredibly interesting. The professor comes in and decides that today he’ll take extra long to set everything up, apparently, and you want to scream.

“So,” the dancer says, voice quiet. It takes your breath away, the way he sounds. “Mind if I ask why you were watching me the other day?”

You cast a glance at him - not too long, you don’t think you could handle more than five seconds tops - and finally open your laptop so it makes you look busy. “I was waiting for a friend.”

“And?”

The smile in his voice is palpable. You’re already exasperated.

“You…” you start, finally deciding to look at him as some sort of subconscious power move. “You’re a beautiful dancer. It was hard not to watch.”

Beautiful doesn’t even cover half of it, but you figure he already thinks you’re weird for watching him, so you hold back the thoughts of youth and vibrancy and color. The dancer looks at you, almost blank for a moment, before a soft smile draws itself on his face. It makes your heart beat a little faster. He says “thank you” with a gentle tone, sincerely felt.

The class starts, and the two of you don’t speak throughout the next hour and a half. You type out notes on your laptop and you see him write down names of the paintings being shown on the projector, little thoughts and notes written afterwards.

By the end of class, your professor assigns an optional partnered project, and you’re more than prepared to head back to your apartment and start on it yourself. The dancer stops you before you leave, however, asks if you’d like to be his partner.

(And he says it like that, would you like to be my partner, polite and somehow sweet.)

You know your answer. “I don’t even know your name,” you stall, standing from your chair. 

“Minghao,” he tells you. “I’m Minghao, and I’d like for you to be my partner.”

You say yes easily, put your number into his contacts even easier. The sky is blue when you leave the lecture hall, trees dotted with pink and purple flowers, and it is all so bright that you forget it wasn’t this way in the first place.

The third time you see him is for school.

Underneath the excitement of giving Minghao your number, there is the knowledge that it’s for the sake of an assignment. He texts you the day after to ask if you’re free to meet up to work and you tell him sure.

(Sure is what you send back, but he doesn’t have to know that you burst into Chan’s room immediately after, plunging face first into his bed just to scream into his pillows. Chan had sighed, turned around in his desk chair to look at you, then asked what happened. He gave you two minutes to rant and then kicked you out, back to your own room.)

You and Minghao agreed to meet at the library on a day that neither of you had any afternoon classes, and you get there early, spend some time working on other classes. You have somewhere around thirty minutes to freak out to yourself before you see Minghao come in, dressed like he knows what he’s doing to you (which is really just a hoodie and jeans, but you think it’s the cap that really pulls the whole boyfriend look together), smiling when he finds you at a table in the corner.

“How are you?” is the first thing he says when he sits down, and you pull down your laptop screen a little to see him better.

“I’m good,” you say, feeling your heart pound. “What about you?”

Minghao sends you a kind smile. “Really good. Should we get started?”

You lose count of how many times you see him after that.

Meeting up to work on the project soon becomes just meeting up, and after the project’s done and turned in, it happens even more. You hang out and get lunch, send each other texts and stupid videos, take walks around campus together. The weeks pass, summer mellows into fall, then into the early days of winter. You develop a genuine friendship with him, finding comfort in his presence, looking for him wherever you go. 

(Although the crush is still there, potent and patient, stubborn in a way you’ve never experienced before. You wonder if it’s a sign of some sort.)

You’re in one of the practice rooms with him, sitting in the corner. You had a class nearby and he’d wanted to practice a little more, so you told him you’d work on your own stuff while he finished up and then the two of you could grab something to eat.

But you made a small error on your part - the dancing. You’d forgotten the way he moves (you haven’t seen him dance since that first time) and in no time at all you’re letting your screen go dark in front of you and watching him. Honestly, it’s not your fault, you really can’t help it. 

But of course he notices.

Minghao meets your eyes through the mirror and raises his eyebrows at you, and all you can do is look away, desperately try to get your laptop up and running again so at least it seems like you weren’t watching him for too long.

“You’re staring,” he says, long after you’ve looked away.

“Sorry,” you tell him anyways, immediate, quick. 

Then he says, “I never said anything about stopping.”

In a second, you look up from your laptop and up at him. He moves closer, crouches in front of you. His eyes are kind - they’re never not - but you think you see something a little more in them. “Sorry, I think I missed that last part,” you respond, blinking. Minghao smiles like you’re endearing.

“I said I want you to keep looking at me.”

You think you’re barely breathing when he shuts your laptop for you, slides it off of your lap and onto the floor (gently, with care, and it’s a wonder to you how he can focus on that right now). He practically crawls over you, one of his hands eventually reaching the junction of your jaw and neck and holding there. “I’m gonna kiss you now, if that’s okay,” he says, but doesn’t move. You nod as soon as his words reach your brain, eager and quick.

And the next few hours get a little wound up in your head, a little mixed in with the feeling of his body - that moves so youthfully, with so much vibrancy that it reaches everything around you - melting into yours and the sound of him asking you to tell me what you need, honey, and the still-playing slow jam music he was practicing to.

You watch him sleep next to you, hand curled around yours against his pillows, and think that nothing bad could ever touch him.

The two of you… come together, after that.

Neither you nor Minghao use any proper labels, but you both seem to know. No labels are needed, really. You have each other and that’s all there is to it. And everything is really good.

You work together and laugh together like you’ve always known each other. He tries to teach you to dance with him when you’re in the practice room with him, pulls you up by your hands and guides you through your giggles. He was the first person you called when you realized that you had no idea what you were working towards, didn’t have a clue what you actually wanted to do with your life. He gets along well with your friends and you text his because they’re basically yours, now, too.

Winter turns back into spring, slow and easy. Vibrant and youthful. You’re not able to meet Minghao’s parents, but he meets yours (and you’re sure a quick introduction to his mom over a FaceTime call has to count for something). The two of you take advantage of the newfound warmth of the season and try to get out as much as you’re able to, with picnics and city dates and anything you can think of. A drawer in his dresser is reserved for your things, you bought an extra toothbrush for him to use when he stays over.

You watch him dance. It still feels like the first time, like color and breathlessness. You tell him he’s beautiful every time, feel yourself fall a little deeper when he still gets bashful amidst his comedown. You tell him you love him for the first time after he gets done with a performance - a proper one, for a showcase of the dance club he’s in. He says it back.

You think he put all the stars in the sky just for the two of you to gaze at them together.

Things shift the beginning of your junior year.

Minghao tells you about a program he’s applying to, a proper dance academy in New York that could really kickstart his career. Training under some of the best choreographers and performers in the world.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask him after he tells you, and he shrugs, leaning back in his chair. You’re studying at his apartment tonight.

“It’s just…” he frowns. “It’s so far away, you know?”

Oh. You hadn’t even thought about that, too caught up in the excitement of him being able to apply at all. A quick sigh leaves your lips, and then you reach for his hand, hold it between both of your own.

“That’s okay,” you tell him, though now that you’re thinking about it, you feel nervousness in the pit of your stomach. “We can work something out, though, when we get that far. We’ll figure it out.”

Minghao nods, a fond look in his eyes. He pulls one of your hands to his lips. “We’ll think about it if I even get accepted,” he says.

It’s bittersweet, but a promise nonetheless.

Fifteen minutes after you get a call from Minghao, there’s a knock on your door. 

You wouldn’t necessarily say you’re worried, but, well. Everyone’s experienced the jump of anxiety when they get hit with the “I want to talk to you about something” line. Nonetheless, you stand from the couch to open the door, mentally preparing yourself for any and everything. 

“Hey,” you greet when you see Minghao, opening the door to let him in. His face is unreadable. “Everything okay?”

He walks a few steps into your apartment, waits for you to close the door before turning back around to face you. Then he holds up a piece of paper, the creases from where it was folded still bending. You send him a confused look.

“I got in,” he says, a grin breaking on his face, and you blink, then feel your jaw practically hit the floor. Minghao only nods like he understands, and before you know what you’re doing, you launch yourself at him, holding him close.

“Oh my god, Hao, that’s amazing,” you say into his sweater, then step back to get a proper look at him. Youthful, vibrant. “I’m so proud of you.”

He seems to soften at your words, pulls you back into him again with a gentle kiss to your head. “Thank you for believing in me,” he tells you, tenderness palpable in his voice. All you can do is squeeze him tighter.

Minghao spends a lot of time away from you after that.

You’re not really hurt in any way - even though he got into the academy in New York, he still has to practice. You get it, this is important. He doesn’t text you as often, isn’t able to stop by as much, and you miss him, but you know how much this means for him. But it gets… weird, almost, after a while. Strange, even for him. It feels weird that he’s set to leave at the end of January and it’s December and he’s distant.

Both of you are laying in your bed, looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling, when you decide to bring it up. “You’ve been… kinda far away lately,” you start, nudging him with your shoulder gently. “Everything okay?”

His eyes stay on your ceiling, but you feel the way he sighs. “It’s about the program,” he says.

“Okay.”

“And about… you and me.”

Oh. That doesn’t… sound the best. “About, like… what we’re gonna do?”

Minghao nods.

You say, “I wouldn’t mind visiting every so often. It’d be hard, but I’m sure we could find something to work.”

Minghao shakes his head, says, “no.”

You pause, and when you look at him he’s already looking at you. What does he mean by no? Does he want you to move with him? Or does he -

He reaches for your hand and you think oh.

His eyes are a little glassy. You feel the tears come, too.

“Oh,” you say out loud. Minghao squeezes your hand. “So this is… this is it?”

Your room is suddenly cold, and you want to crawl under the covers and stay there. The person in front of you is blurred into something unrecognizable, but you can’t be bothered to blink away your tears.

“I think so, love,” he whispers back to you. “I think it has to be.”

The two of you cry like that for a while. In your bed, loosely intertwined and broken. Even the way Minghao cries carries a kind of vibrancy that’s overwhelming, makes you think of the first time you saw him so long ago, and now -

When you manage to get a better grip on yourself, you ask him if you can still see him off at the airport. He says, “I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t.”

Then you ask if you can kiss him again. He responds by kissing you first. 

And it’s sad, it tastes like salt and sorrow and you feel like the promises you never got the chance to make are broken. It feels like the most beautiful blue you’ve ever seen, and you know it’s only a branch of Minghao’s color.

He leaves soon after that, pulls on his shoes and his coat and turns around at the door to give you a tired smile. After he’s gone, you drag yourself to Chan’s bedroom, and once he sees the state you’re in, he offers up one side of his bed. Neither of you say anything, but the friendly reassurance of his hand in yours says enough.

You don’t fail to notice that everything seems to be washed out, a blandness you’re not used to.

The last time you see him is at the airport.

It’s a cold day, despite being sunny. The airport offers little warmth, but you figure it doesn’t matter. You won’t be here for long. 

It doesn’t take you very long to find Minghao - you still look for him wherever you go, even if you’re not looking for him. Even then, it’s still so easy for you to find him, to pinpoint that vibrancy, that youth. He’s talking to a few others, you think you met them. Soonyoung and Jun.

Minghao meets your eyes and you freeze, but then he waves you over with a gentle smile. You follow like you think you always will. 

You greet Soonyoung and Jun and the four of you talk, albeit a little awkwardly, even when Soonyoung tries his hardest to lighten the mood. Eventually he has to leave, and Jun follows with a shy goodbye. They both hug Minghao before they go.

You’re not sure what to say, but after a minute, you find words. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” you tell him, a little selfishly. 

Minghao says, “you’ll do good. I know you will. I’m not worried about you.”

He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time, and you think he’ll give you a stiff and sad goodbye, but he steps a little closer to you. Looks at you the way he used to.

“Maybe…” he starts, then pauses. “Maybe we’ll meet again.”

Maybe, you think. Maybe.

“I hope so,” you tell him, then watch as he leaves.

[saintqueer]

always ready to clown w/ u 💖 (fr tho i was thinking along the same lines as u on the yt vid being released but i also dont wanna hope so imma remain skeptical as hell

but i hope its true it would be so nice if the music industry got its own lil upheaval but i feel like w/ just rebecca it doesnt seem too likely to happen yk? like she needs more ppl to start speaking out not only that but she needs someone who's internationally known so that it can be the whole music industry nd so that more artists start feeling safer to speak out, safer as in they won't lose their careers their labels won't drop them etc.

if one of the 1d boys did i feel like that would hv a huge impact but the likeliness of that happening are slim to none so its interesting to think abt what the video actually means in terms of if they are in contact w/ her does that mean one of them is gonna speak out? already we know theres an insanely low chance of that for multiple different reasons (likely including but not limited to their contracts)

so does that mean that they are in contact with her in the way that they are helping her w/ this? as in they're convincing more artists to come forward? but i feel like thats risky as hell especially if they're not saying anything themselves bc they could be sending these artists to their doom if not enough ppl come thru or smth yk? so that might as well be ruled out too

or maybe they're in contact w/ her in the way that like they're helping her and other artists that wanna speak out? maybe helping them to figure out how to give them a larger/better voice? but i feel like that would likely fall on PR ppl that they hire

but if one of the 1d boys is in fact in contact w/ her dont u think there could've been a subtler way to tell us? I mean the tweets are already not subtle (the ones by rebecca) but i also understand why that is but its im sorry this is so frustrating and my mind is going a thousand miles an hr and im just so frustrated w/ all this bc none of it makes sense and i feel like there smth happening we dont know abt and i just wanna know and i wanna know if we can do anything to help and i just want them all happy and to be ok and i'll stop talking now

anyway sorry for bothering u - defintly not expecting a reply lol ik u said u didnt wanna talk abt it so i hope its ok i sent this in)

have a good night/day lots of love 💖

helloooo bb!

its totally fine for you come into my inbox and vent/speculate anytime you need. i dont mind at all! i only feel bad when i can't get to everyone (i see you and im sorry!) but always feel free to word vomit, lol

i don't blame you for going back and forth a lot. especially with the idea of the boys speaking out about the mistreatment as it's been very hush hush on their end for many years! however, i dont think its quite as unlikely as many make it seem.

just look at the last year and how much liam has spoken very plainly about the abuse and mistreatment the boys suffered. he has been very candid and it's only been increasing over the last year. we've also seen several other people connected to x factor and syco speak up for the first time over the last 7 months.

a lot of the things cumulatively that have happened over the last year make me think that perhaps several of the boys will speak up, will make a fuss, and do so at the exact right time. i think whatever is going on right now is very strictly planned and has a very particular timeline. and a lot of it might be happening behind the scenes (especially if they are attempting legal action) so we wouldn't know until it all came out (in the wash).

we won't know until we watch it all unfold, hindsight is 20/20. this will all make sense one day when we look back. but i'm gonna try to put some pieces together in the meantime because that's what this fandom is built on: noticing patterns and calling them out even when others say it's a reach or a coincidence. we didn't recognize rbb & sbb for what they were by going on about how "it's probably the sound guy" and "it's just a coincidence they are reading those books"! we got here by calling out weird shit even when we end up wrong.

and, as for me, i choose to believe that louis wouldn't purposefully mislead us with his overwhelming positivity over the last six months.

[gethappy80]

ELVIS COSTELLO FAN FIC PART 1

  Penny stopped short on the concrete as her eyes scanned the busy London road, they lit up as she saw a cab approaching. She waved frantically grabbing the handle to force the driver to stop.

"I'm sorry, I'm really late!" Penny begged before giving the driver the address and didn't even notice the wide eyed man on the other side until he spoke up.

"You're going to the capitol office too?"

"Uh yeah... I'm sorry, It's just my first day there and I'd hate to be late and I need the job and-"

"It's ok, don't worry, I'm sure they wouldn't get rid of you just because you're late" he held his hand up and chuckled at her forwardness.

"Where are you from?" He stared at her intensely, studying her almost.

"New York" penny smirked and fixed her sleeve.

"Oh alright, so you're new here"

"Yes... like 3 weeks ago" he nodded and ran out of questions.

The rest of the cab ride was silent, but it was only 3 minutes. When they both got out she ran to the door and he held it for her then both awkwardly waved at each other as they separated.

*2 months later*

Penny sliced open the third box of the day to reveal posters of a geek armed with a jazzmaster guitar, which was the usual for her since starting at Colombia records. she recognized the geek known as Elvis Costello, who was on the record label. She picked up the phone and called his manager to request the representative of the band to come in and approve the box of merchandise.

He agreed,

she hung up and swung the box to the side.

Soon enough a short man in glasses, a suit and Cuban heels turned up and spat the words

"what do you want?"

they hit her in the back of her throat like nails and rendered her speechless. If they were in a less formal setting, she would have no problem laying hands on the man because of his attitude, but alas she just closed her gaping mouth and waited.

"are you just going to stare at me?" his words still sharp.

"I'm waiting for you to drop your attitude" penny stabbed back and crossed arms. She was already skeptical of him and hoped they wouldnt have to work together much.

He gulped and darted his eyes around her because someone as new as Penny was already calling him out. Usually people let his attitude knock the wind out of them and even got excited about his rudeness... one perk of being a slimy rockstar... or so they said. He was still new to the title and preferred songwriter when he wasnt talking down to people.

"I'm sorry... what did you call me in for?" he said in a much softer voice and the apples of his cheeks turned a red tint... or maybe penny just wanted them to.

"thank you... you have to approve these posters" she swung the box up on the desk again and pulled the flaps with fraying ends back. She noticed how he winced at the sight of himself and chuckled.

"maybe not all rock stars are vain" she thought to herself. 

"yeah they look alright... is that it?" he raised his eyebrow.

"sign here" she handed him a pen and paper.

Before she knew it, he was out the door again. She thought he was strange, but thats what she expected from a guy called Elvis, so she shrugged it off.

she almost didn't realize he was the one In the cab with her when she first started working here only 2 months ago.

. . .

"you'll never guess who marched into the office this week," penny smiled before taking a big gulp of her drink.

she found herself in a local bar with some a new friend nick, who also gave her the job at the label he was signed to, Colombia records.

"oh yeah, who?" he did the same and took the last of his drink.

They would often find themselves in this pub on Friday nights just talking about their work week since they knew little else about each other. They were always trying to one up each other with how bad or how good their week was.

"some angry wimp Elvis Costello" penny rolled her eyes and nick stayed quiet.

That angry wimp was nicks friend, and nick was his producer. He knew Elvis wasnt a mean guy and the angry young man as they named him was only mean to press and the public. Why he was rude to Penny, Nick didnt know.

"the one in the enormous glasses?"

"yup, thats him... you know him?" pennys eyes narrowed. She was only teasing and nick knew that so he just nodded in response.

"yuck" she made a sour face, and he burst out laughing.

. . .

nick woke up the next morning knowing the perfect way to cause mischief on Monday.

"you want me to what?"

"hold on to it, someone will be by to pick it up" Nick explained to Penny again as he handed the note to her. She rolled her eyes and agreed to do what he asked.

Nick rushed out with a thank you and left Penny to wonder what was going on. He was acting different but to be fair penny didnt know him all that well so she just put the note to the side.

That afternoon Elvis walked in to pick up the note that nick had left him, although he has never left a note for him before.

Penny looked up at the man in glasses once again and rolled her eyes.

"hello again" Elvis tried for an awkward smile and Penny returned it.

"I'm here to pick up a note my mate left me," his eyes darted around the area.

"your mate?" Penny tilted her head and her voice sounded harsh.

"yeah. my friend. He left a note, didnt he?" Elvis raised an eyebrow, Penny could also see that he had a gap in between his front teeth because of the way he bit his lip.

"Nick, hes your friend? Like you two are good friends?" Penny interrogated the now almost frightened man on the other side of the desk.

Elvis honestly didnt like how this was going and it seemed so far he could do nothing right with penny.

"Yes, Im good friends with Nick Lowe" he looked down at Penny who in a matter of seconds of an eye roll and an exhale went from argumentative to defeated.

"Alright well heres the note" she shoved her arm out to him and he took the note gently

"Thank you Penny" he took a half step back and flashed a proper smile now. All she could do is a half a smile. Elvis considered asking her what she had against Nick but with how the last two conversations went with her, he decided against it.

That Wednesday the same thing happened, and it left both Penny and Elvis suspicious.

"What did he say to you when he gave you the note?" Elvis shifted his weight to the other leg with a click of his heel and bit the inside of his cheek.

"Nothing just to hold on to it and that someone would come and pick it up and before I could question him he left," Penny sat back in her chair and threw her arms up.

"Yeah well, the notes arent saying anything important so you could just throw them out when he gives them to you," Elvis shrugged his shoulders.

"Sorry for all this" he added and his voice was much quieter

"Dont be, its ok" Penny smirked at how quiet the angry young man could be.

there was a silence between them, a potential conversation that lingered maybe.

"Ok, well I'll get going" He picked up the paper and left with a slight wave.

Penny didnt know why but she wanted to know more about Elvis and if maybe since he is Nick's friend she could be friends with him too.

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.