#if: the numbers game

[thenumbersgameif]

Play The Numbers Game Chapter 1: Welcome to the Team by clicking here!

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so, I have no impulse control! And Chapter 1 has been beta'd (big thank you to the bullies beta testers who caught all the unhinged typos and mistakes i made <3) and I just wanted to release this so bad... so here it is! Some mistakes might still get corrected as I go, but yeah, here it is!

[itsbluesaint]

And last but not least: Five from @thenumbersgameif

Wow it took a while but I finally did it! I have drawn all the ROs of the numbers game, I'm so happy!

Five was a pleasure to draw, my rendering style has changed a little since I did Three but I think it fits quite nicely. I'm so excited for this if!

[sinnersandsaints-linwrites]

i'll be taking a small break

So… yeah.

tl;dr i'm taking a small break from posting content on tumblr, longer explanation (+a bit of a rambling of mine under the cut.)

I don’t know why, but for a bit now I’ve been having sort of an imposter syndrome (?), I don’t know if it’s even the right thing for it. Basically, every time I publish an update, I’m happy—like, super happy—but then weeks go by… and basically every time like, 3+ weeks go by, I start getting the more or less subtle questions about ‘when is the next update?’ or ‘how is the writing going?’ and I’m just ashamed to say for example, that I have not even started to write a chapter, or that I’m still on the first scene in some chapter. That I have no idea when will the next update be, or that I didn’t write anything in the last 2 weeks.

Realistically I know I can take all the time I want—there’s no rush, after all—but there’s still this heavy, nauseating feeling of shame all the time. Like a little voice telling me it’s not fair to keep people waiting, or that I could really post monthly updates if I only forced myself to, or prioritised it over things like mindless scrolling of tiktok, reading fanfics, or watching shows. I can’t even say I’m taking ‘inspiration’ because majority of the time I’m just doing anything but what I should be doing.

And I see others updating often, or pushing out so much quality content, dropping long game updates, and yeah I’m comparing myself and my work to them. Yes, I’m aware everyone’s writing pace is different, short updates are just as good as big ones, and I don’t have to constantly drop a lot of content on Tumblr. I’m frustrated because I know this, but it’s still there. 

I also don’t feel like part of the community a lot of the time, I don’t know why. I just feel like I’m watching everything from the sidelines, just sometimes pitching in but most of the time I’m just a passive observer that’s not really in it, if that makes sense. It’s something I struggle with in general, in offline-friend groups and communities etc., idk honestly.

I’ve had low-mental health days more often that good ones for the past 1-2 weeks, and Pride honestly… kind of just amplified it, because I can’t be open or I won’t have a job. I just won’t, there’s little to no chances that I’d be hired if I was out. I can’t be open or I will be assaulted—even if I just walk with a friend, holding their hand, we’re getting looks. After going to Pride, literally not even an hour later, a group of boys (and I mean boys, 10-18 years old) burst into an establishment I and others from Pride were in, started screaming slurs and derogatory things about queer people, and burned a pride flag. Security was there, didn’t do anything. No one did anything, honestly, because everyone kind of just didn’t want to be targeted next. I’m tired also of arguing that my sexuality, romantic attraction etc. are valid, or people from my own community misgendering me. 

Basically, a lot of things just… accumulated in the past weeks and so I think I’ll be taking a small break from posting content Tumblr, just to recharge, focus on finishing the university (only a month to go thankfully) and hopefully finishing one of the chapters. I’ll still probably pop in to check or shit-post sometimes, but yeah. 

Stay safe everyone <3

[chocoshir0]

Hii! My Four oc from @thenumbersgameif!

I dont thing I ever posted on Tumblr so if something is wrong pls tell me!

It's so fun reading about the game on the asks, Im having the time of my life :)

[anxietytwist]

"FOUR"

Tattoos

Snakes wrap around their top surgery scars

Picrew used:

[ohnonotthehorrors]

Can I... talk about the theory that winners help craft the next game?

Because, and I really can not say this enough, it puts So Much into perspective.

Everything starts out Normal. Three lives, simple, cut and dry, there hasn't been a winner yet. No one to help craft the game. (And there's something to be said about how simple it really was. Not even a real expectation of the world becoming pvp or combative. No idea of the war to come)

Then Grian wins. The green killer, the man who vowed his first life to the one whose life he took. The next game the boogie man is born. A mechanic that allows and, in fact, demands, a green kill. People can trade lives back and forth, currency and debt wrapped up in one. (can we still be friends? Said the red partner. A life time later and reds are hostile, alone. Maybe it's an answer: No. Not anymore)

Scott wins this time. He refuses to play the game. He will not kill his team, he will love and he will do so fiercely and with all of himself. The next game people are attached through to their very souls. Every bit of damage to one soul is done to its twin. There is no boogeyman. (There is no way for a widow to be left without their love)

Pearl wins and she wins a blood bath. Spent the game draped in red, only wolves for company. Sitting in her tower, shivering in ice, maybe she wanted it to end. To see where it would. Limited life rewards you for killing, limited life has a clock tick tick ticking down, you always no how long you have. A curse yes, but a blessing too.

Now It's Martyn's turn.

And what a turn it is.

Keep your secrets, says the disloyal man, keep them well. Everything hurts, everything Matters, says the man fracturing with every loss. (What if we could love each other without hurting? Says The Hand, who never wanted to be coated in blood)

More importantly, Martyn has always seen the watchers below the surface. Now, they're right here in front of him. Something that could almost... be rebelled against, no? Something that someone else could finally point to and say: hey, hey isn't that familiar?

[blacktabbygames]

Number FIVE babes

[densitywell]

spent like an hour trying to find a post abt the disparity of origin companion's content in bg3 and couldn't so, hey, this fucking sucks

[junewild]

every new make some noise episode gives me a new favorite make some noise clip of all time.

make some noise, season 2, “the wicked switch of the west.”

[wearenotjustnumbers2]

The aspiring 12 year old youtuber from gaza was killed by Israeli forces. He started his YouTube channel years ago inspired by the famous gaming youtuber in this video. His dream was to reach 100k subscribers, but his dream was stolen since he got killed at the 8th of October due to the Israeli bombardment on gaza. Now, he has more than 800k subscribers after his story has been shared which means his dream came true, he just isn't there to witness it. We are not numbers, share our stories, remember that we lived and we wanted to live to the fullest.

The youtuber finds that Awni was his biggest fan and he contacted him more than once, and that he opened his YouTube channel inspired by him. This is heartbreaking.

[turtlespancake]

i love seeing out of context posts about long-running stories with deep lore because it's always shit like "MAJOR SPOILER WARNING!! i can't believe that the metallic athenaeum's envoy actually used never-ending dance of the 57th universe on rionne as if she's not LITERALLY the incarnate of august?!?!" it's like buddy boy thank you for the spoiler tag but all of those words are incomprehensible without at least 5 years of foreshadowed knowledge, 7 different fan theories, and 21 wiki entries

[thenumbersgameif]

PLAY THE DEMO HERE

Wake up, get confused, meet doctor Shai and have a first meeting with a member of your team!

[itsbluesaint]

So next on my drawings of ROs: Here is One from @thenumbersgameif

So like with the Zero drawing I was listening to One Playlist and oh boy this character feelings are so strong if the songs are something to go by, I can't wait to meet them more.

I wish i could draw jewelry better, I really enjoyed drawing One for their style and the smirk.

Probably next week I will have the drawing of Three... Well I hope so.

[suiheisen]

you think YOU had a bad day at work?

bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera

[harrymasonsdadbod]

THE WAY HES STANDING IS KILLING ME

LOOK AT HIM

[amid-fandoms]

pov your boyfriend got unfairly punished 20+ years ago