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last-boy-03 · 3 months

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Fuck today, I’m getting really tired of it all.

Everyone is upset and now I’m upset and I can’t do anything about it, at this point I need everything to stop or something.

Im just gonna watch some Detroit Become Human play throughs, maybe that’ll distract me. Not a great solution but its worked so far.

#tw vent #vent post #mental health #trigger warning #lb is talking!#ill try and get to the fic when i can #just been a lot lately #y’know

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skitskatdacat63 · 2 months

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I have to write a relatively long German paper, and man its just so difficult for me. The pro side is that I can pick any topic I want, so of course I picked Charles VI. But I've literally not written any German in months, and I'm almost 100% sure our prof doesn't actually read them. I should just write and submit boy king fic....

#i wish it was in English #bcs i would be very happy about it #but i have lost so much capacity for any German writing #bcs he sucks so much as a prof and has dropped the ball on actual language learning imo #how am i supposed to suddenly write a 7-8 pg paper after youve spent all our class time just lecturing at us #and giving us no real opportunity to really learn or test our skills #i shall.. probably just cheat.#LIKE i want to learn german so badly #but what the fuck is the point of even trying when i know im not going to get actual feedback on my writing #why should i even try at that point. put that much effort in and know that he doesnt really care at all #it just sucks so much bcs i genuinely love and am so fascinated w the topic #but the idea that id put so much work into translating it only for him not to read it really kills me #again. just submit boy king fic and see if he notices sjfkgllblb #but do you know what i mean? like im sure ill write a good version in english that i think is actual good content #but translating it is such a lost cause bcs all the effort is reallt for nothing #like atp im jusy interested in the history more than making an effort w the language #ugh i wish i wasnt this way but yknow lack of stimulation anf feedback really kills my enjoyment and interest #like see i can convince myself that thr eng version of teh paper is my typical personal research #<- i mean im making a fucking family tree for funsies so this isnt that far off #but the translation part is so difficult bcs my german has been eroding a bit SOB SOB #lol anyways i say this bcs i was plotting a boy king fic in my head as i was goong to bed #and was like oh i shoulf write it out tmr! and then remembered I HAVE AN ESSAY UGH #well yeah. suffering. we'll see how i feel abt i write the original copy and if i have the capacity to germanify it #i just feel so guilty about it. cheating. I dont want to and it feels so low effort and terrible #but why would i force myself thru all that for a guy who barely reads it #catie.rambling.txt

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thebestbooksaround · 8 days

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"I stopped writing fic because no one engaged with it or came into my askbox to discuss it" and "I left emoji comments and sent an ask to a writer discussing their fic but never got a response even though they answer other asks" and "I get really nice comments but never know how to respond to them" are all fandom experiences that can coexist!

#it is so wild to see fandom engagement from different perspectives #one day ill see a post that says 'just comment anything! even if its emojis!'#and then right after ill see a post ranting about emoji comments #i get that it must suck *only* getting emoji comments and that readers need to engage more overall #but on the side of a reader (and im only one person #so my experience is not universal)#i try to leave in depth comments whenever i can. and i read a lot of fic. but sometimes an emoji comment/key smash is what i can give?#because im not eloquent enough to come up with super deep writing praise?#sometimes i read other in depth comments and im like 'ohhhh. woah. howd you see that in the writing???'#and sometimes when i do actually see stuff to be discussed and i do try to engage with authors i often dont get a response #which is fine. i am not entitled to a response #but it does make me less likely to engage again with that writer or writers in general #but that doesnt mean im not going to read their fic?#idk about other people. but fandom on a whole needs to be more accepting of 1. engaging with people who provide content #and 2. being okay with not getting responses #anyways #tb2a rambles

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plague-of-insomnia · 10 months

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Petition to have people who have no background in psychology to stop applying personality disorders to kuro characters

#black butler #黒執事 #end stigma #mental illness #personality disorders #getting really tired of seeing this #personality disorders already have a lot of stigma #taking stereotypes and misinformation and applying them haphazardly to fictional characters can be harmful #it’s fine to have headcanons or write any of the characters in AUs/fics with one #but people are making theory posts like they have Authority (Tm)#when they don’t #like Sebastian doesn’t have NPD #I don’t think RC has BPD #you can be abusive or controlling without a personality disorder #plus applying them to nonhumans is even worse #not trying to start discourse but like jfc people #stop

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altruistic-meme · 4 months

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never underestimate the power combo of procrastinating and failure anxiety. I've written ~7k words in like 4 days. im going crazy im going stupid.

#oh fucking hell man #ive been doing sprints witha. discord group and its been NITS #NUTS #like every 15/20min sprint i get ~500 words somehow.#which is apparently a lot #i cant wait to be done with writing this fic tho #ive got ONE scene o have to complete and then its all editing babyyyyy #but alas i have work tomorrow including a meeting after which ~sucks~ bc i dont like when they tell us we have meetings #its NEVER good newd #but it means i ahve to go to bed now #and ill finish and run through it tomorrow after work and try and. get things done.#and THEN i can hand it to milo and FINALLY I CAN READ THEIR SHAKING KEVIN IN A BOTTLE FIC #ITS BEEN ME VS THIS MONSTER ALL MONTH SO I HET A REWARD ONCE ITS FINISHED #shh ac

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cupcakedoesthings · 5 months

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The tgcf brain worms won

I am now in the works of making my first tgcf fic

#This is because of Chicken's xianle trio angst video #Ill link the video in the comments if i remember #But MAN I am both excited and scared to write this #The fear of being perceived while also wanting to be famous/known is wild #wooOo #Ill post the link to the fic once its complete #My ao3 user is the same as all my socials #Which is CupcakeDoesThings #So yeahhh #I do not know when i will get it written and posted #As i am busy irl and also my motivation to do things can be funky #but ill try to get it done when i can :)#tgcf #tian guan ci fu

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asteria-argo · 4 months

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i can feel myself getting preemptively annoyed with some of the comments I might get on the next chapter of to all the better places and let me tell you it's making it really hard to write this chapter in peace

#i just know I'm going to get so so many people hating on Ted again #and I appreciate the comments I really do #but the total lack of nuance astounds me #I think people forget just how much of a dickhead Jamie actually was in season one #and also that Ted thinking slightly ill thoughts about Jamie when he remembers him as being a very hostile and combative person #doesn't make him a bad guy #because fun amazing fact about to all the better places #is that Ted and Jamie haven't actually had a SINGLE conversation yet #because when Ted tried to have a civil conversation with Jamie in chapter three Jamie ran away #they are currently still dancing around each other #and I love that people are invested in the story and care about Jamie #but getting comments that are literally just character hate towards a character that isn't actually supposed to be hated?#not that fun #makes me feel like I'm trying to write around a bunch of landmines to avoid getting comments that are pure character bashing #you can be mad at Ted in this fic he's being frustrating and I'm writing him like that on purpose #but he's not the villain #he's barely even an antagonist #he's just bias and not sure what he's doing because he's in a confusing ass situation. he's trying his best under the circumstances #because he is as much of a fully fleshed out character as Jamie is

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hecksupremechips · 12 days

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Fucked up how happy I get whenever I make content of Shinjiro Aragaki being actually loved and getting to heal and learning to love the little things in life and getting to express himself. What’s up with that

#persona #shinjiro aragaki #hes the only one i really respect here #its like so annoying though that i even care like whats wrong with me why does this bother me so much #just cuz i see myself in this character and also feel like shit and idk when he doesnt even get to live doesnt get to recover #and this is treated as a good game with a profound theme and this is treated as good writing #its hard not to be hurt when its like. im barely hanging on man #and youre telling me he can be saved by someone noticing him and caring about him and he can get through it and be loved and try to heal #but this is treated as some sorta disservice to the narrative and that you cant have the theme work this way #its like. but this is the only way i can even feel anything about this theme this actually makes me wanna try #seeing the character going through mental issues like mine die just like. it makes things suck idk #and its like why do i even care like this shouldnt matter but idk its like #if he can make it then why cant i #and im just really attached to this and i really really want to make my fic of him exist cuz. nothing is going good for me rn #but if i can make this one thing thats important to me where someone gets to recover then maybe ill feel less helpless #its what im trying to tell myself so i can stop feeling like im. idk cringe or something cuz im emotionally attached to a fictional #character and the wellbeing of this character feels like motivation for me #i just wish i wasnt so damn desperate about it 😩#anyway can someone please slap me with a fish so i can stop being insecure about my writing and just fucking do it

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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months

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...

#me @ my youngest sister at 6.30 this morning: yooooooo can u draw me a fishy so i can get it tattooed on me?#i drew her some flowers so i want a paralell tattoo with her initials bc she has my initials on her #but i literally have not spoken to her since like may bc i do not talk to my sisters unless we r in the same room. no hate we just dont hav #a lot in common. it makes me a lil sad tho bc im curious abt them. my youngest sister is at least nice to me 😭#ive been thinking abt asking her for ages and last night i was asked abt my sisters so i was like. the time is now #while im still a bit elevated #which has been to my advantage bc i was able to stay v chatty and energetic while talking to ppl. and i think i made some friends #we bonded over fic reading. so theyre a bit. ya kno. girls gays and theys of science #we make the world go round. but its so interesting to hear them talk abt coming to school here bc they both liked where they were and r #leaving their support systems. and im like bruh if i didn't leave the southwest i was gonna die. im so happy to b here #support system? whats that. i talk to my parents once a month and that's it lol. but im gonna try to establish one here #and try to actually make actual friends. this school is way better abt making grad students interact #my last school was not at all like that. but anyway i had fun #and i mean im only at the start of the semester. and im in a good mood. and i kno things will get stressful #but im just really happy i got accepted here #and the longer im here the more clearly i can see how much i was suffering #the funny thing is tho that i wrote this last night and only hours later i was squirming in frustration bc the fact that im back in therapy #means i feel a greater obligation to not b actively self destructive. evil coping mechanisms my beloved #this is y my mum wanted me back in therapy bc im a goodie 2 shoes and when my counselor is like: did u do X the next time i see her. ill b #honest and itll b annoying >:-[ ugh #its just hard for me to b around ppl a lot bc i get stuck in mental loops bc ocd. which is exhausting. and i want it to stop #and i want to do bad things to make it stop but i wont bc im trying to b better #its just funny to me that ill go from everythings awful to everythings great i shoukd talk to my sisters and make friends and do this and #this and this. to oh god i cant do this anymore in such short time frames with certainty that how im feeling is how ive always felt #ive also noticed that my peaks of high energy do come before stressful events. which does make me worry for future stressful events. like #defending. i mean ive never gone fully off the tracks but its a lil alarming when it feels like the train is going at a million miles an hr #unrelated #meanwhile my other sister is apparently in Colorado but when i saw the pics is was like: YOU BITCH #R U CLOSE TO ME RN??? but no. Colorado is far away

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cerealmonster15 · 1 year

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this is def a situation where having the fic in wip state for so long i think is hindering me bc now i really cant tell if pacing is bad because it needs more work or bc ive reread the same thing 900 times

#im simply going to have to let it be Not As Good As I Wished For but that's OKAY #bc it is FANFICTION written as a HOBBY and it doesnt HAVE to be good it just #has to be #and it like. ough. i want it to mean something #this one's more vulnerable tho idk if it'll come accross that way #but i know how it links TO ME!!!!!!!!!#and maybe when i get thru this i can focus on trying to write the dndads thing im too scared to progress on lol #^^^ the twst fic is the one im workin on rn #god now ive dug myself in a hole too of tlaking about it so much #i feel like ill post it and ppl are gonna be like 'why were u agonizing over this for so many months it aint that deep #DUDE IDK!!! <- fights with an imaginary guy LOL

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lesbianbishounen · 1 year

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there are some pieces of media that i love a lot for a variety of reasons but most of the content on social media about it is ship related. and a lot of the time i like said ships as well but theyre not the reason something impacted me at all i want other kinds of content. but if i have to read a single analysis post from an online stranger that i disagree with i might start blowing people up with my mind

#moral of the story is to only have serious conversations abt stuff u like with ur friends #ill be fr i was thinking about trigun typing this but i could name other things #like witch hat atelier. almost every single piece of wha art ive seen online is orufrey and i love them but like Damn #kingdom hearts too i feel like thats the fanbase that really made it clear to me that i do not like being engaged w fandoms at large #idk. the constant war between me being like 'damn it kinda sucks that some aspects of things i like arent typically discussed online'#vs that allowing me to live my life in peace and never be at risk of seeing someones wrong opinion #bcus i get so fucking tilted when i do. being really into dbz last year was rough for me i was so fucking mad all the time #trying to find character study fics (dont ask) and constantly being like 'he would not fucking say that.'#feel like this also doesnt really bother me for some stuff like orv. like yes joongdok is literally everywhere but #so much of that novel loops back into them that like. a lot of the fanart u see of them reflects themes of the novel itself.#does this make sense. like i still want more hsy art but it doesnt bother me that much that kdj and yjh are literally omnipresent #anyways i love tumblr i can blab as much as i want in the tags vs on twit i have to make longass threads #which makes it look like im posting for engagement or w/e. im not i just need my thoughts out of my head #chatots

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good-beansdraws · 2 years

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*Looks longingly at my many wips and the 900+ drafts to queue on my main blog, drops some very unfinished fe doodles, then goes to bed* I just feel like sharing a little, ya know?

@edam-shame I have to redo a lot of this turnwheel Alm we've been talking about but this is the early sketch at least lol

#ill go into more details when i get around to final products but:#alm-merges-with-turnwheel-desperately-trying-to-use-time-travel-to-fix-everything au except i realized too late he uses both wheels #and celica's has a different set of designs so i need to scrap some og this and make room for those #manakete lukas doodles because im finally working on that fic!! its like actually on the page now!!#but i dont know enough about ice dragon lore so i worked with both designs the internet gave me lol #and then me desperately trying to create content for a 1920ish hollywood au fic i read about the rgb trio because i am Not Normal about it #it doesnt even look like lukas rip #but yeah that fic has lived in my brain since early july and has been scratching to get out nonstop for the past few months #'too jaded for oranges' i think the title was #so yeah i just wanted to share something -- you know how it goes #bitter i havent done Any mp100 art since s3 started but its coming i can feel it

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apprentice-s · 9 months

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i should work on making art for fics i like

#i have a bunch in my bookmarks #.txt #theres this really nice fic that's been stuck in my head #it fills me with such delight #u can tell the author behinf it is also a giant nerd and i love it when science becomes metaphor Sorry #i am a physics student at heart 💔#ill probably do it after i finsih my own fic #the fic im writing is so unserious its so funny #i wanted to try my hand at the 'getting drunk married' trope Sue Me #but with a fun hilarious little twist 😝#forgot to mention the fic was by speaks on ao3 #very top tier selection of stuff #i like their style :)

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crowtechs · 1 year

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hjsdfkdsklhggdfjgdfjhfdh explodes

#i need to write but then i write and im like this is going horrible #secondhand embarrassment is amazing i want it to get destroyed #me telling myself to try to write things under 1000 words so maybe i will get back into it #me trying and immediately hating it #me hoping i write so i can be normal again #explodes part one million #what if i just write the silly band au i have in my head instead #just so i can write up something #yes the other fic is wip but im going absolutely insane rn #this is what happens when i want to do something my brain and i are in a battle #i am losing its destroying my ass rn #its ok ill win at some point #maybe #probably #lets hope #kaden txts

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dremiru · 10 months

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The fanfiction writer curse is real and it got me. Remember the long fic which was supposed to have a chapter out each Saturday? And how it hasn't had a chapter out for 2 weeks now? WELL, I GOT SICK, ALMOST ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITAL, got better, wrote another 3000 words (although this is a big chapter so it's not finished yet), AND THEN ALMOST GOT IN A CAR ACCIDENT??? AND THEN GOT SICK AGAIN?????

it's coming for me.

#for people interested in when it's coming out #probably in 1-2 days since its almost finished #and ill try to get the new chapter out as soon as i can #if i dont die in the process #eah #ever after high #fanfiction #ao3 #fic writer problems

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sharkneto · 2 years

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I absolutely agree with you on the whole “haha look Five goes to school but he’s 58!1!1!” Possibility happening in s4. I genuinely hope they won’t do it. Aidan will probably look way over the age of going to school when they film s4 so.. I think they won’t go with that ((hopefully)

Like I said, I don't think they'll go this route, if partially because Aidan is a real adult now so the joke doesn't work as well. But there is that sliver of a chance they do and it fucking haunts me.

#the whole trope just makes me so uncomfortable #again - sorry to those of you who do like it #no shade and you do you #but its like. every angle is Bad to me #hes almost 60 and genuinely being forced to hang out with actual children???#it's fucking weird #and is so incredibly rude and disrespectful to five because he gets treated as a child when - again - hes a /58 year old man/#play with that angle a different way - i think there /should/ be some disconnect with how he has to interact with the world #because the world does see a 13yo kid #but you can do that without forcing him into a situation where he has to daily be treated like that and also act like he is a child #have him get kicked out of bars and well-meaning adults ask him where his parents are #sorry this has turned into a rant for my least favorite trope #it just makes me so wildly uncomfortable and requires five to do things i dont think hed do unless under Great Duress #and usually requires the siblings to ignore his agency and age to at least some degree to make it work #anyway - sorry again if this is your jam #i try to stay positive on this blog and let people do what they want because its not my business and i just dont go where i dont like #but apparently this is my One Big Thing #and this is my blog and i can say what i want here #dont let one dude on the internet (me) spoil your bliss if you do like five in high school fics (or anything else i complain about)#ill try to shut up about it now and do my previous tactic of just not engaging with it #ask response

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