#im sorry i need to vent ive kept this all in my head for way too long and im just so fucking tired

[allxaboutxthexrhythm]

Vent post

Just broke up with my fiancée. Yep, this is one of those posts. Not sorry. Just trying to journal and vent wherever i can.

We've been in love for 6 years, been in a relationship for 5, been engaged for 4. I'm not gonna talk about why we broke up because it was recent and i'm still angry about it and thats not what i want for this post.

I miss them so much that i kept their blanket. And i waited a few days before i picked it up off the floor so i would forget. And im holding it now... and i miss her.

Of course i miss all of them but i miss her.

Let me explain

We both have DID. Dissociative identity disorder. I dont think anyone could ever understand or make me feel loved like someone in this community can. My best friend in middle school and high school had it and i was head over heals for him. Unreciprocated. Unimportant now.

Right now our newly appointed protector Aaryn has been taking the front (with permission from Ashton) to get us through moment to moment. He's taking on the brunt of the anger we feel for the situation, but we're all feeling anger, pain, sorrow, and heartbreak right now. Because we all had our person in the other system.

And right now... seth... i miss you. I love you. And i wish i could be with you but i love myself too much to let you back in. And it hurts. I know it hurts you too. Im sorry about that. But i have your smell here. To remind me of your smile, your sweet voice, your giggle...

One of the first things that happened when our alter Evan found his person is we immediately got a bloody nose all anime style when a boy sees tits for the first time. When we picked up the blanket and smelled it, tears welled up in my eyes and i got a bloody nose again!

Ive never been so relieved to get a bloody nose. It was the reminder that I needed. It was all real love. No one abused the other, we (i but all my alters) got angry and lost, but so did they.

And then it exploded in our faces in a way that left us both traumatized.

...

I miss you, Seth.

Love, Donnie

[kalforhelp]

i think i just need to vent out into the world for a minute so feel free to ignore this (also im sorry but there will be mny typos, im rly bad at typing on mobile and i dont have the energy to go back and fix every single one rn)

im just... so tired of my emotons getting the best of me

as a kid, i was the "quiet child", the "good kid," the one that teachers loved and parents used as an example for every other kid out there

i never burst out in tears,i never had a fit i never had a tantrum, i never caused problems, never screamed, never hit anyone, never never never

i didnt express my emotions like that

eventually, what was most likely a trauma response/learned behavior turned into the expectation. so, as i grew up, i felt like i couldnt express myself. i couldnt be loud. i couldnt be anything than the quiet little angel everyone expected of me.

in my later teen years, tbis caught up to me. my emotions buult up and had no where to go. i was a balloon ready to pop

i kept forcing emotions so deep within me that i convinced myself they werent there

around this time was when i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

every once in a while, this build up gets to be too much and all i want to do is s c r e a m. i want to yell at pwople. i want to get mad, get angry, say and do hurtful things. i never do. i always feel shame before i can even think about releasimg my emotions the way i want to.

this is a good thing and a bad thing. obviously i dont really want to hurt or scare anyone. but i never learned any healthy ways to release this pure anger that threatens to blow up and hurt me and everyone in range.

it juat keeps buulding up.

i dont know what to do

i had a thwrapist once. he was a great guy and pr9bably very good at his job, i had nothing against him. he just didnt know how to help me the way i needed to be helped

i cant express how im feeling because i dont know what my own feelings are

ive been shoving them away for too long theyve become unrecognizable

my emotions have become a demon in my head, a being made of shifting darkness woth no shape. this demon is locked in a tiny box in my head, and by god is it hungry and desperate to escape.

im not asking for sympathy, im not looking for advice. i think this, this is enough to feed the beast for today, to calm it down. i guess writing and talking about it really is its own form of release.

if u actually read this far, im so sorry, that got a lot deeper and darker than i had intended

[dear-yandere]

—ask collection!

a collection of mostly very old chats and sweet asks that i never got around to answering! thanks for the patience and love!! 

beware, fairly long post... woops....

chat asks.

darling: Eu-jin is best boy. Change my mind.

vanya: i am physically incapable of fulfilling that request, how dare you do that to me... i’m biased since he’s my own oc, but i would die for my (very best) boy eu-jin... who can resist such a gentle yandere that loves you so whole-heartedly?

that reminds me! he’s actually based off of kuroyuki and gekkamaru from the otome nightshade, so if you want similar characters by any chance, do check them and the game out ♡

darling: I was watching the dub for Part 5 of JoJo's Bizarre adventure yesterday...Mista called himself Daddy and I like- sdfghjfgsdhnhnmj!! My heart can't take this--

vanya: WAIT HE DID???? i’m not even big on daddy kink and reading that made me go 😳 this is vital information to know... what episode was this??? for research purposes, of course. gotta perfect my yan! mista, after all~...

darling: for yandere songs, have you heard of the major to minor covers by chase holfelder :O? the way he delivers the lyrics in some songs (betty, all i want for christmas), added with the key changes to minor, is really fantastic, and gives a stalker-ish vibe imo! and he's a really good singer in general

vanya: i have!! a good chunk of them are actually on my personal yandere playlist, so i end up hearing them frequently when i’m writing!! i haven’t been keeping up with his uploads recently, so ‘betty’ is completely new to me and just, wow???????????? this man is an absolute god send for us “romantic” horror fans... ♡

this ask gave me such a lovely idea, though, darling: assigning yandere types/mbti based off each of chase’s minor key covers. i think i’ll do that just for you. ♡

darling @blossomiich​: I reread some of your old character interaction asks and saw the one with Jotaro hugging his Darling after a panic attack and the elephant seal plush reminded me of the iconic C H O N K Y ringed seal plushie that was kinda trending and I can totally imagine Jotaro having one of those >w< that's so adorable!

vanya: i honestly don’t remember that interaction, but then again i don’t remember most things hmghng so i looked it up and

j...just imagine star plat hogging it and not letting joot cuddle with it 🥺 the duality of man...thank you for this cute image...

darling: Umm, sorry for asking this. I'm just curious because of your bio language in your header. Are you Chinese too, perhaps?

vanya: no worries!! i’m mixed guyanese (indian, chinese, & possibly black and/or portuguese), but my family only celebrates (or rather, acknowledges?) our indian descent, since the majority of our family is predominantly east indian. 

my header is actually a quote from a danmei novel (and one of my all-time favorite fandoms), tiān guān cì fú (heaven’s official blessing)!

darling genki stan anon: Omg you're writing for free now, i didn't expect that one lol. It's a cute show innit? Not a nagi stan but I feel like nagisa has that kinda unsnapped personality that would make him peak delusional yandere material lolol like oikawa but less threatening and without his head being up his own ass 😂. Hope you're doing well!! -gsa

Gdjsjs im such a fool, i think my last ask said something about not thinking you'd write for free when i literally just pointed out kisumi on your sideblog LMAO my bad 😅 😂 also ill hold back on the gen chan requests because ive already asked so many in the past! Thank you though 🥺. Also feel free not to post this, it can just dip into my onesided chats with my lil flower 💐 so long as you receive them im fine 😌 -genki stan anon

vanya: nagisa isn’t my favorite (kisumi is), but gods if he wouldn’t make a great yandere. honestly, out of the iwatobi boys, nagi is probably the most unhinged. i wouldn’t peg him as delusional, at least not at first; i think he’s very lucid and knows exactly what he wants and how to manipulate people in order to get it!!! kisumi is fairly similar now that i think about it... i might... have a type...

please feel free to send in gen-chan requests whenever you want!!!! i’m kinda super asocial, so it’ll take me a while to answer, but i love getting asks from you since you’re so sweet and excitable!!! your little flower reads and cherishes them all!! 🥺

also darling genki stan anon: Sorry for spamming you with asks hdjkdks, u dont even need to reply im just kinda brain empty venting here whether you recieve them or not 😂 i just needed to confess that while yes i am #1 gen simp, and he is undoubtedly my fave oc of yours but that Ilya tentacle smut had me very much so highkey kinda 👀, had to re read the genki oral style drabble to bring my head back. He dont even need to worry about luca bc that man a thot. I think therin is a thot too but like lowkey, a classy thót -gsa

vanya: omg i’ve kept this one for forever mnmghngh i might’ve even answered at some other point, now that i think about it... but i just 🥺 gosh i hope i find my muse soon, because i really wanna write you a genki fic 🥺 hhhh

the ilya tentacle smut was so in character for that boy... i have no clue how to write monsters, much less tentacles, but i’d honestly do anything for him 🙏 kinky russian boy...

therin is definitely a classy thot, the kind that only bangs the finest concubines then turns around and slut shames you for banging the very same prostitutes gbfmngnfg rules don’t apply to him, in his kingdom...wish that were me tbh ✊😔

sweet asks.

darling one: i've read almost all of your dazai and chuuya fics and i love them so much!! your formatting is also super aesthetic just a question, i saw on your kofi that you also draw so i was wondering if you drew all the header arts?? bc they're all super pretty :) have a great day!

darling two: Just wanted to say love the writing and the way your format your posts is so aesthetically pleasing. One day I hope my posts looks half as good as yours because I legit can't get over how pretty and organized it looks.

vanya: omg thank you so much!!!! one of my bffs, yue, is to thank for the formatting and aesthetic choices, really! if you wanna see more of her aesthetic formats and posts, she actually runs a few blogs! you may know her as @milkscafe​, formally @milkaaton! i adore her and her aes choices so much 🥺

as for the headers, i don’t draw 99.98% of them! i have drawn a couple, but they’re so few and far in between since i almost never finish my art wips haha... my older posts are lacking proper credits because i’m an absolute idiot, but i’m slowly working my way backwards to credit them all where possible! they’re all indeed super pretty!!!

have a great day yourself, my love!!

darling: THEY’RE NOT BAD CONTENT, I LOVE THEM ALL

vanya: this was in response to a now-deleted lil blurb but i kept it in my inbox because i wanted to say i love u very much and seeing this ask each time i open my inbox makes my heart skip a beat ♡

darling: Listen I love your writing, you inspired me to start it myself! I've always loved to write, and read of course but your style and concepts just stick with me. If you where to write something besides Yandere content/fandom content and started your own series? I would read the shit, out of it. I'm always nervous to interact with my favorite writers because you know, I'm afraid of the impression I'd leave but I just wanted to say this anyway! 💞💞💞🔫😳

vanya: wowowow fgfnmgnfmngfg that’s such a high compliment my brain just gmfnbgmnf go boom fogjfngnfg and thank you for the interaction, us writers truly appreciate it no matter how awkward or nervous you think you may be / come off!!!

darling one: As a writer, your post struck a nerve with me. I don’t send feedback to writers I like nearly as much as I should (and certainly not as much as I’d like in return as a writer). So, as such, I’m going to start doing that when I can, starting with you.

You are an incredible writer. You were one of the first yandere writing blogs I found and you’re still one I check in on regularly to see what you have been working on. You can portray a sense of suspense and intrigue in a natural way that many other writers - published ones included - struggle with. You delve into the darkness without it feeling forced, and you have an amazing grasp on the psyches of the characters you write for (which is a quality I adore in writing and strive toward myself).

I’m not great at ending these things so I guess.. you keep doing you? Because the you is great and I appreciate it.

darling two:  hey. i'm here to tell you that from the bottom of my heart i love you and your writings. i really admire your writing skills. you inspire me. one of your posts once saved me from a nervous breakdown. thank you for everything you do. you're a wonderful person. good luck!

darling three: I wanted to tell you that thank you for writing such wonderful beautiful writings and that you take time to edit and write I hope you are taking care of yourself 💖❤

darling four: Thanks. I was having a hard time and deleted all my apps, but as soon as i opened my phone my first instinct was to look at your blog and i got my motivation back. Thanks (:

darling five: Hi ! I just wanted to say I really enjoy the stories you write and how they are detailed so well ! Stay safe and I hope you have a good day/night ! ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

vanya: ahhhh, these are very old asks mostly dating back to my “tumblr writing community is dying” post, and i’ve kept them this entire time because i’m just so starstruck. i have no clue how to reply to compliments, so i’m not sure what else to say besides that these asks made me very happy and got me through a few insecure moments!!! i’ve actually been feeling a little down about my writing recently, mostly because of lack of motivation / inspiration, so revisiting these really warmed my heart, so thank you truly ♡ i’m certainly keeping the originals in my inbox until the end of time!!

darling @monstrously-obsessed: psst, this local cryptic mom thing send all of their love for you 💕

vanya: your local herbo says she loves you very much momster 🥺 mwah

also, to the anon worried about my safety:

thank you so much for pointing that out!!! it hadn’t even crossed my mind when i made those ocs, so i appreciate your concern! i was contemplating revamping those two as is, so this is a great place to start! thank you again!!

[itsthecupbros]

Just a scene

I wrote this with @shattered-ecilpse-varian last night for out hogwarts au and I thought Id format it here-

~~

Mugman looked into the mirror of the 4th floor boys bathroom and saw and felt his face flush blue. It was near midnight, no no one should walk in on him, but he was still anxious. Bracing his hands on either side of the sink and taking a deep breath, he looked himself over. Maraca, a hint of dark blue eyeshadow, light pink lip gloss. He knew that if his father, heck, anyone in his old neighborhood saw him like this, they would never wash the blood out of the road. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the cold surface of the mirror. After reassuring himself, he released the sink and took a step back, looking at himself in the clear glass surface. The long blue dress gently brushed the tops of his bare feet as he turned slightly on the spot. It had two straps, leading his white shoulders and upper back exposed. He thought he looked amazing, but then all of the the memories and facts came crashing down onto him. What people would think, what they would say. Guys can't wear dresses, guys can't appear like this. His face flushed dark again and he looked at the cold floor, trying to push away the shame already rising in his face.

Indigo was wandering around stress forcing him to walk was exhausted he couldn't sleep so he sweared he heard loud angry footsteps coming his way he quickly entered the boys bathroom panic-stricken he didn't want to get in trouble all over again. He saw his crush dress up in a beautiful dress he just froze staring not knowing what exactly to say

It was a few moments before Mugman noticed him. He turned and let out a Yelp, taking a step back as his face flushed darker in embarrassment. "I-Indigo! Wh-what are you doing here?" He looked downward, his face hot. He braced himself for indigo to laugh at him, or cry out in disgust, or ridicule him in some other manner.

"Tt. Um.. you... i..." Indigo flushed red looking down dying inside "I'm sorry I...I didn't m-m-mean to i-intrude I'm sorry"

"N-No! Please! I-I was just startled..." The toon let out a nervous laugh, avoiding his eyes and rubbing at the elbow joint of his prosthetic, suddenly self conscious that it was so exposed.

"Um... what what are you why are you up this late?: Indigo mumbled softly squeezing his already scratched off and red arm trying to stay awake trying to not let anything bad happen

"I-I just wanted to... to t-try some things on without the boys from my dorm looking on..."

"Oo...um understandable..." Indigo smiled a little scratching a little. "Um....you...you looked look nice..."

Mugman flushed darker. "R-really? I..I wasn't sure... you.. you don't think I look like... l-like a freak? ..o-or something...?" He wrapped his arms around himself, still avoiding his eyes.

Indigo shook his head  "N-no! I no? You don't!"

Mugman seemed stunned for a few seconds before he gave a chiming laugh and a glowing smile, his eyes shining. "..thank you..."

Indigo just gave an embarrassed thumbs up. He looked away and tried to think of more conversation "Um...so...... you can't sleep I'm guessing?"

"...no... too many nightmares..." mugman replied, looked away and biting his lip.

"Mmhm...same.... want to wander around?..um I've been doing that for the past... I don't know how many hours.. we can try to find new secret passageways and such! I do that when I can't sleep or I just watch over the dorm.. but it seems like Atlas got that one covered tonight" Inido smiled looking down reaching out his hand.

Mugman reached out, gripping it gently and smiling. "I think I'd like that..."

Indigo smiled nervously holding his hand and it started walking. "Okay! Let's do this"

Mugman giggled as he started speeding up. "Come on, I know this great hidden room up ahead!"

Indigo smiled letting the toon go first  "Okay! Show show!"  He said fidgeting, extremely excited and well happy. He was barely flustered anymore just happy to hang out with someone

Mugman rushed around a corner and ducked through a tapestry, starting to talk as he sped by. "My older brother is quite the troublemaker. On our first day, he showed me and lost the best spots in the castle. You would t believe the trouble he's gotten himself into in the past..."

Indigo quietly followed knowing a bit about getting in trouble "Mmhm! that's always nice"

After running down a passageway for a while, mugs turned a corner and came to a large open room with a small fountain off to the side, ornate pillars around the walls, and a tree growing in the center. Mugman smiled. "This has to be my favorite of the places he showed me... I'm not sure what it's used for, but I think it's beautiful..."

Indigo stared gobsmacked he started looking around and just smiled "Whoa..."

Mugman gently squeezed his hand. "...I know right...?" His voice had taken a softer tone.

Indigo gently squeezed back   "Yeah.."

Mugman looked at him and felt his heart flutter, warmth rushing to his face. He looked away again, pushing the feeling down. He didn't know what it was, but he didn't want to tempt fate.

"So...um.." Indigo squeezed his hand a little and started walking to the tree "Let's hang out?"

Mugman walked beside him, squeezing back. "We'll have to be back before morning, but I'd love that..."

"Okay... that sucks" Indigo mumbled softly and sat  down exhaustion hitting him hard

"...tired...?" Mugman asked with a small smile.

"Always.." Indigo mumbled softly rubbing his eyes

Mugman hesitated "...I get that.. some... things... have been happening lately... I... I actually really need to talk about it... s-so.. can I vent to you...?" 

"Mm..do tell... I'm here.." Indigo smiled, as his eyes closed he was quietly listening

Mugman paused for a few moments, bracing himself "okay.. s-so... I...I suppose I should start at the beginning... C-Cuphead and I got kicked out of the house when I was 3... our mom was a witch, but she didn't tell our dad until after I was born. She... she died shortly after... I don't know how... our dad was already n-not fond of us because we were wizards, but when he found out my brother was gay... it was the final straw..." he paused, taking a deep breath to stop the tears forming in his eyes. "...w-we lived on the streets for a while until cups could get enough money to rent an apartment. One day, we found another toon. He literally bumped into us on the streets and begged us to help him, he said he was being hunted and he had been under the control of dark wizards for over a year... we weren't sure, but took him in... he didn't remember his name... so he gave himself the name lost... surprisingly, we were accepted into this school and were able to escape for a while... unfortunately, apparently the people who had been controlling lost didnt want to give him up... th-they... came for him... I-Ive never see Lost so scared... he was screaming and begging... we fought them off... but... we didn't get out in one piece..." he gestured to his prosthetic, tears were starting to slip down his face. "...what scares me most is that they... they hired someone... they call themselves void and they're one of the most wanted magic users in country... they crushed cuphead's hand and... they never stop until they get the job done... we have an agreement with the headmaster... so we can stay at the castle over break... b-but I'm still terrified every night that they'll find us... Im terrified they'll take lost and kill the two of us for standing in their way... and.. th-theres no way to know if today will be the last day... I.. Im just so scared..."

Indigo just stared at him worried and bewildered. He just didn't know what to say he just looked down hugging himself

Mugman realized he'd been rambling, his face flushing. "O-oh jeez... I'm so sorry... I ruined it, didnt I...? I-I shouldn't dump that on you... jeez... stupid, stupid..." he bit his lip. He completely ruined it. They were having such a nice night... Indigo didnt need to hear about all the terrifying things going on without him and his brothers...

He quietly pulled him into a hug. He quietly mumbles "I'm so sorry..."

He closed his eyes and hugged him back, repressing a sob as all the emotions he had been repressing came crashing down on him at once. The horror of watching his own brother screaming and begging for mercy. The terror of living every day having to wonder if this would be the last time he would see the sun. He was trembling, clinging to indigo as his resolve finally broke and he sobbed into his shoulder, his body shaking I violently as wave after wave of emotion crashed into him.

Indigo gently held him rubbing his back. He tried to comfort him, he was pretty sure it wasn't good enough but he had to try

He choked out apologies as he struggled to regain control, praying indigo wouldn't hate him and already hating himself for dumping his own emotions onto the person he considered his best friend.

 Indigo just started softly speaking in German in a tune of a lullaby. He scooped him up the best he could and just held him continuing to speak

After the toon managed to stop himself from sobbing, he continued to cling to him, his arms wrapped around him and his face buried in his chest.

 The twin buried himself into him as well mostly in his shoulder. He didn't cling on to him as tightly but he still held on to him still mumbling that German tune

After a few minutes, mugman took in a shuddering breath and gently pulled away, looking downwards. His mascara was smudged and there were black tear tracks running down his pale face. He kept his eyes downcast. "I-I'm sorry... you mustn't think much of me now... right...? ...s-sorry... I just... g-god I'm so weak...

Indigo shook his head holding both of his hands not caring about the prosthetic. He just tiredly mumbled "....you're strong...you're strong.."

Mugman hesitated "...I-I just broke down in your arms and you still tell me I'm strong.. I... I really don't deserve you as a friend..." his voice was weak and broken as he bit his lip. "...you don't deserve me dumping this on you... I-I'm sorry..."

He hugged him tightly "N-no I... don't go please" Indigo's voice out of nowhere became weak and filled with terror

He hesitated before squeezing his hand, swallowing the lump in his throat before nodding, his voice only a whisper. "O-okay... I won't go..."

"Sorry.." He eventually mumbled his eyes closed trying not to slip into sleep

"...please don't be... I'm the one who just dumped a ton off emotional trauma onto you..."

Indigo mumbled incoherently clinging onto him exhaustion finally pulling him down to slumber

Mugman ran a hand through his hair, soon realizing that he had fallen asleep. He started to panic for a few seconds before managing to calm himself down, leaning back and letting his eyes flutter shut, focusing on indigo's even breaths. Maybe just a little rest... he could... wake up before morning.... before he could stop himself, he drifted into unconscious.

[flamegatorwrites]

Feel (BruAbba oneshot)

Warnings: PART 5 SPOILERS, angst, death

A/N: ok hi so i wrote all of this in like 2 hours so im sorry if its trash. ive been hardcore vibing with bruabba lately, and ive needed to vent, so this was sort of a 2 in 1 combo haha. also uhh part 5 spoilers so if you havent gotten past like episode 28 then leave unless you want it spoiled for you.

Dealing with loss was always something Bruno was good at. He had to be; not only for himself, but now that he was promoted to capo, he had to stay strong for Passione- well, what remained of it.

Narancia had finally tired himself out. He was inside of the turtle now, leaving only Bruno and Giorno outside on the boat. They were on their way to the Colosseum, where the man in the computer told them to go. He still didn't fully trust whoever it was, but it was a hell of a lot better than sitting back and doing nothing. Worst case scenario, it turns out to be a stand user.

He didn't want to admit to the others that he didn't trust the man. He didn't even want to be around the others. Usually, dealing with the loss of a loved one, he'd been alone. He'd been able to pick himself back up and grieve fairly easily. Now that he was the sole guardian of literal children, it wasn't exactly the same. Not only did it hurt to watch them grieve over someone closer to them than their own families, it hurt to lose the man he considered the love of his life.

Bruno always considered him an attractive man. Leone Abbacchio, one of the most esteemed police in Italy. He and Bruno never interacted during Abbacchio's days as a cop, but Bruno always found himself admiring him- from his work ethic, to his sense of justice, and even his looks. But as everyone knows, as beautiful as Italy is, everyone in charge was cruel and corrupt- and willing to kill. Soon, Leone became what he hated the most. After his partner died, he retired. His life went down the drain, he became an alcoholic, and he gave up on everything- including that sense of justice that Bruno loved so much.

Eventually, Bruno decided to shoot his shot. He only had one man on his team, and that wasn't enough to achieve his main goal. Besides, he'd always wanted to talk to him anyways, so why not start then?

He was a little hard to convince at first. He wouldn't even open the door. Bruno would've thought he was dead if he hadn't seen the curtains beside the door move.

Every day for almost two months, Bruno would come by to check on him. Sometimes he would bring fresh food, other times he would simply listen to Leone, allowing him to vent to someone who wouldn't judge him. Eventually, he decided to join Passione, and he moved in with Bruno.

It was only meant to be platonic. Sure, Bruno did find him attractive, and he may have developed a crush. But it would pass, he kept telling himself. Abbacchio relied on him, he trusted him. What would he think if Bruno turned around and shoved all of his feelings down his throat? Bruno didn't even know if he felt that way about other men, let alone himself.

One night, though, that changed. He'd been living with them for around 4 months by then, and it was around two in the morning. Bruno was awakened by Fugo and Narancia shaking him firmly. 

"What's wrong?" Bruno yawned. It wasn't until he heard the screaming that he got up and ran out of the room, the younger boys trailing behind.

"Narancia, search the area! It's late, so nobody-"

"Bucciarati, I already have!" 

"Well do it again, damn it!" He growled, bursting into Abbacchio's room. He was screaming as if he'd been stabbed, flailing wildly about his bed. 

"Go!" he yelled at the boys. Narancia summoned Aerosmith, running back down the hallway, and Fugo glared at him.

Bruno kneeled down beside the bed. He looked for any blood on the sheets, any sign that someone had broken in, but he found nothing. He wasn't hurt- he was having a night terror. 

"Leone," he said, lightly shaking the older man's arm. "Leone, wake up."

He sat up immediately, his silver hair clinging to his neck and forehead. He coughed, loudly, clutching his sweaty t-shirt. 

"Fugo," Bruno called, "I need a glass of water!"

He didn't bother to listen for his footsteps down the stairs. Instead, he only focused on Abbacchio. He was silent, except for his heavy breathing. Bruno sat on the bed beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Abbacchio trembled under his touch. The expression on his face could only be described as pure emptiness. The tears in his eyes began to fall down his cheeks, trailing some of the leftover eyeliner from the night before with it. 

Bruno wiped them away with his thumb, then pushed his stray hairs behind his ear. Fugo appeared beside them with the glass of water, holding it out for Abbacchio to take.

"Grazi," Bruno whispered, as Abbacchio grasped the cup. "I'm sorry for being so rude earlier, I hope you and Narancia can forgive me."

"It's alright, sir," Fugo sighed. "Should I tell Narancia to go back to bed?"

"That would be great," Bruno smiled. "You go ahead and get some rest too. We'll have an easy day tomorrow, so you can sleep in as long as you'd like."

"Thank you, Bucciarati."

Fugo trudged out of the room and called for Narancia. Bruno turned back to Abbacchio, who'd drank most of the water. He sat the glass down on the bedside table. He wasn't as sweaty anymore, and his breathing had returned back to normal, but he was still shaking.

"I thought something happened to you," Bruno sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know what the hell I'd do if you got hurt-"

"Bruno," Abbacchio whispered, his voice hoarse and shaky. "I'm so sorry. I'm okay."

"No you're not, Leone."

"It's been so long…" his voice broke. He began to sob, his quiet tone slowly getting louder. "It's been months since he died and I still have nightmares about it! Every fucking night all I can see is his face. It's all I can fucking think about!"

"Leone, it's alright-"

"No, it's not fucking alright, Bruno!"

He buried his face in Bruno's chest. Bruno embraced him, taken aback by the sudden contact. Abbacchio was not a hugger. Hell, he hardly even spoke unless it was with Bruno. 

Fugo and Narancia peeked into the doorway. Bruno waved them off, hoping they would just go back to bed. They gave in and left, still eyeing the two older men suspiciously. 

"Bruno," Abbacchio whispered, "Please don't leave me."

"I won't."

"I just… I just need you with me. You're the only person that understands."

"Leone," he sighed. "It's okay to hurt. It's okay to feel. I'll always be here for you."

Abbacchio sat up and his eyes met Bruno's. Bruno stared in awe. He never noticed how beautiful his irises were. They were golden and rimmed with a light purple, almost like a ray of sunlight shining through the darkest storm clouds you'd ever seen. It was beautiful- he was beautiful. 

It's okay to feel.

His own words repeated in his head. Bruno leaned back on the bed, Abbacchio joining him. After some adjusting and moving around, they found themselves in a comfortable position. Abbacchio laid his head on Bruno's chest, his long hair flowing around them like a waterfall. Bruno ran his fingers through the silver locks, and Leone almost immediately relaxed. 

Bruno stayed up to make sure Abbacchio fell asleep. Eventually, his breathing evened out and he began to lightly snore.

And it stayed like that. That's how they slept almost every night until today.

"Bucciarati."

He was pulled out of his trance by Giorno. The blond was now sitting beside him, a hand on his shoulder. Mista was on the other end of the boat beside the motor, feeding the pistols some chips. He was silent, which was new to everyone. Mista always had a smartass comment waiting to come out, but he wasn't even looking up at the other two.

"I think you should go into the turtle. Mista and I can keep watch."

"Why do you say that?" Bruno asked. "I'm fine."

"Sir, please," Giorno sighed. "I know how it feels to lose someone close to you. You need to rest, you've been working hard enough as it is."

"I'm fine," Bruno snapped. "I'm not going to take orders from someone lower in the gang than me- especially someone who only joined this gang three days ago."

"I-I'm sorry, sir, I j-"

"Don't 'I'm sorry' me! You don't even know how I feel right now. You'll never understand this!"

"Sir-"

"I lost someone who I'd planned my entire future with! I lost the love of my life, and you don't even understand how I feel! You don't understand how any of us feel. If it weren't for you, I'd still have him here! He hated you! I should've listened to him!"

Giorno sat in silence, staring down at his shoes. Bruno knew he'd regret saying all of that- his and Abbacchio's relationship had been kept private from the other members, and for a good reason, too.

"I'm going into the turtle," he mumbled. He decided to get in before either of them could say anything about his rant. He knew he had to get it together before the others woke up. He couldn't act like this in front of them- he was their capo, they looked up to him, they respected him. He couldn't feel this way around them.

Then, he heard those words running through his head that he'd told Abbacchio all those years ago-

It's okay to feel.

[ruffiorocks]

unpopular opinion (long post)

This might be unpopular but its irking me a little bit, im actually completely OK with Lena punching Kara in the face. 

Its not so much that Kara kept her identity a secret, that on its own doesn't warrant a smack or a punch (if they had been dating then it absolutely would) because that’s beyond disturbing behaviors, 

No for me its, as i’ve mentioned before the way that Kara treated her as Supergirl, especially in season 3. 

Now yes Kara has been lovely to Lena as Supergirl, the same as Lena has to her. they have actively saved each others arses on more than on occasion. 

BUT season 3 and 4 gave us a look at what Kara can be like when she feels her authority is being questioned. Kara was instantly p**sed at Lena for daring to keep Reign a secret, no regard for WHY just accusations. Honestly why Kara was there while they interrogated Lena is beyond me, she doesn't actually have a DEO rank? But whatever. She instantly got p**sed that Lena had some leftover kryptonite (we know she made it) and immediately took it as threat, even though Lena IS her best friend. What irked me the most about season 3 was that Kara didn't really give a lot of thought to Sam, in her beef with Lena it was always Kara, Kara, Kara. The fact that Lena did all of this FOR SAM to protect her went completely over Kara’s head. 

Kara also got p**sed that Lena dared to have tech that she didnt know of or approve of. Lena literally told Kara that the force field on Reign’s cell prevented Kryptonian’s looking through it, so what was the first thing Kara does? Why she tries to look through it and gets p*ssed that it caused a bit of pain. She instantly rounded on Lena and saw something SHE personally could nosy through as a threat. I mean Lena could literally just have used this so she wouldn't be spied on in the shower by passing Kryptonian’s. Just because Kara does have X Ray vision doesn't mean shes entitled to be able to see everythong (*cough* Batgirl *cough*) This scene was basically like telling someone not to put their hand in the fire because it will burn, only for them to instantly do it and then get upset with you for built the fire in the first place. 

I was beyond happy that Lena brought Kara down a peg or two, ive said it before but Kara is rarely seriously questioned by anyone and it seems to have gone to her head. Kara’s authority is mostly what shes bestowed on herself, much like Superman. 

But anyway, Kara seems to have realized she’s been a colossal ass and jumped to conclusions, because she has a really awkward exchange with Lena and says she hopes it wont ruin their friendship. See my issue here is that Kara thinks she can attack Lena but because she has had a change of heart its still all good? yeah... no. Lena tells her what for again, poor love tells her she has friends that trust her, not knowing the very woman she is referring to is the same woman shes talking to. 

Kara then gets pissed that Lena gives Kara whats ‘left’ of the kryptonite.  I mean you were upset she had it and now you’re upset shes giving it to you? Once again the fact that this could help her fight Reign and save Sam when she and the others have spectacularly failed goes over her head and she attacks Lena again, who quite rightly tells Kara that lots of things in the world could hurt her but she goes on with life and doesn't whine about. Kara seems to think that NOTHING on Earth should ever be allowed to exist that could hurt her or any other Kryptonian completely forgetting  recent Kryptonian attacks, one of which she did herself oh and the current one. This is pretty God like behavior. She also doesnt have issues with DEO having weapons that  can hurt other aliens, as long as it isn't her.  Kara even pulls the ‘Luthor’ card on Lena. Note through all this its always Kara who has the issue with Lena, Lena has no issues with Supergirl until she attacks her. 

Kara thinks she has the authority to tell Lena she isnt coming to the dark valley to try and save her friend Sam, i mean why is Kara calling the shots here? She does redeem herself a bit when she tells Reign to take her instead of Lena, but honestly? Kara would have done that for literally anyone, this isn't because its Lena. 

Lena even returns to the DEO the moment Kara is in danger of dying. Lena has pre-made suit that even has the House of El crest on it! 

Remember also, that even after the interrogation, Alex asked Lena to just tell her why she didnt let on about Sam and Alex was absolutely OK with Lena’s explanation and didnt harp on about it, this is Alex Danvers whose life is dedicated to protecting Kara’s. 

Kara then did the ONE thing that i thought was so below the belt. She meddled in Lena's relationship and put it at risk. She quite literally went to Lena's boyfriend, a man who not long ago wasn't going to give her the time of day and wanted her in prison no matter what and Lena had to learn to trust, and Kara asked him of all people to betray Lena’s trust. Kara could have asked any DEO agent, but no, apparently James, the one person she SHOULDNT have asked to betray Lena was the only one who would do it? Im sorry Kara you dont do that under any circumstances. Kara is dumb anyway because she trusts James! He literally breaks into L Corp, then he lies to Kara and then drops her in it with Lena? There was NO reason for him to do that, he just wanted the best of both worlds. 

Kara gets pissed that Lena dared to make Harun El for anyone other than the mighty Kryptonian’s that have decreed that this substance they dont understand, arent even close to understanding and has the power to keep civilizations alive is NOT allowed to be used for the benefit of humans, but a human is allowed to  make it for the benefit of Kryptonians and only kryptonians, Yeah, Argo would be a floating city of dead people if it wasn't for Lena managing to figure something out in about a week that the entire race of advanced scientists o Argo weren't even close to doing. The fact is Kara jumps down her throat again, but this time its Alex that comes to Lena’s defence. 

The problem when it comes down to it, is that Kara is too quick to assume the worst in Lena, when she used to be the exact opposite. This is shoddy writing and OOC but unfortunately its what happened. Kara thinks she has authority over all things and the fact is she just doesnt. 

Getting James to betray Lena was the worst one for me, and the one that warrants a smack or in this case a punch in the face. If my best friend asked my significant other to betray my trust because she decided she couldn't trust me oh and then acted like she had nothing to do with it while i vented i would think about punching her and if it was the other way round she would probably think the same, and she would justified because that isnt friendship. 

Kara was Jekell and Hyde with Lena, she even looked her nose down at her in season 2 when she and Superman landed on L Corp’s balcony to talk to Lena and Lillian, the look Kara gave Lena has stuck with me because it was so superior, like because she was now standing with Superman she had more authority? Was she trying to measure up? 

Then there’s the fact that Kara has no issue letting Lena think her ass is in danger, or letting her think shes been blown up! 

Kara knows the amount of betrayals Lena has faced, but she just kept on going  and it was wrong. If she had no intention of telling Lena and letting her be the only one in her new found family that apparently wasn't trusted enough then she should never have gotten so involved with Lena in the first place. 

Kara ignored Lena after Mon El left, then only came to her when she needed her help, essentially her money and her influence. Then once shed asked for it she fobbed off Lena’s attempt to reach out to her. Lena actually does use her power and her own money to save Cat Co and Kara is just  like ‘oh ok, but i quit’. It was using Lena and it was harsh, even if Kara did say she would go back. Then you have Kara’s blatant disregard for Lena as a boss. 

The fact is Kara picks and chooses her attitude to Lena, she should pick ONE not have multiple personalities, choosing to support her on minute, ignore her the next or accuse her of misdeeds in another. 

Now think about what Lena is thinking? Kara lied about who she is, Lena is going to know a Super came to investigate her the moment she arrived in National City, this same super integrated herself into Lena's life and they got close, but Lena is probably wondering why that was now? If Lena had befriended Kara knowing she is Supergirl you know it would have been instantly treated as suspicious. Kara treated her like she was bad even after Lena helped save her and the world several times. Kara used the relationships Lena built against her. Kara acted like she had dull authority over her, she let her think her life was in danger or she was dead more than once. Yeah id be pretty p**sed to.Lena may even wonder why Kara pushed her to date James of all people, someone who wasnt a fan of hers, but then suddenly was? Oh was that so he could stay close to Lena and be used against her? To spy o  her? Lena ‘s feeling arent something Kara can just play with depending on how the mood hits her, actions have consequences and treating people like this isnt cool.

Its a lot for Lena to process, and its not like she can ask kara about it, even when Kara knows Lena knows she cant trust the explanations Kara may give her. 

If Oliver punched Barry the fans would just be like ‘ahh man! They’ll make it up’ 

Batman and Superman fight, ‘ahh man! They’ll make up’. 

But Lena punches Kara? ‘Oh my God abuse!!’ 

i dont think Lena is punching Kara because of the secret itself, shes probably punching her because of all the s**t that came along with it. 

(if you dont agree fine, but dont send hate) 

[poetic-beats]

You'll be ok. If you feel your not, You can talk to me. Take care of yourself.

Thank you so much <3  I am just overwhelmed by everything right now.  Like my partner having no job by January. My mental health. My physical health like this year so far I’ve been told I have CNS dysfunction and FGID. I am being tested for Celiac. Oh and they found cysts on my ovaries then they tested and said it wasn’t what it could’ve been and now because of issues I’ve had my female GP who handles my contraception which is due up in January wants me to have another uhh thing to check the cysts and have another blood test because turns out I could actually have it..and it could affect my chances to have children naturally - I know what it was like for my mum she has the same condition and so if i have it I’m scared even though things are different now they know more and have better options its still like D: It is like seriously though I’ve got two new things wrong with me although they havent yet like found the cause of the CNS dysfunction all the specialist could say is I hit some markers for Fibromyalgia but not enough but in her medical professional opinion I do have some form of CNS dysfunction but just not likely fibromyalgia my mum took me to see this specialist first purely because she has Fibro herself so she thought well lets start with an appointment with a rheumatologist who would like be able to check for fibro and a few other condtions. So I kinda need to like now see I think the next step is a neuropsychologist but like I’ve been so stressed and ill right now trying to fight for my mental health treatment/therapy so I’ve not been like exactly thinking about making appointments for the CNS stuff. But it is impacting me it makes me get involuntary like twitches/jerks it feels like a jolt like a little electric jolt i guess down my body but not painful as such but it just makes my body go like suddenly my arms jerked to the left or Ive thrown the food in my hand across the room because my arm/wrist/hand w/e has suddenly twitched or w/e but sometimes i get the like electric like w/e feeling its hard to explain it like across my whole body from my head to my toes and at that point it can lead to me just sort of on and off twitching a bit more like less aggressively but more often in a space of time i usually end up sleeping it off so idk really I pretty much just always pass out asleep when I get that kind of feeling. And like I wanna do stuff to like help ease his worries about money and the burden on him to support us financially and support me emotionally. But I’m not fit to work like not even a minor part time job really because I’d be so unreliable with the way my body is. I am also affected by sensory issues and other things so it’s just not I couldnt realistically right now engage in work for someone.  So I am trying to do like online things but I don’t...I...just I am getting kinda overwhelmed by that too. Cos I dont know where to start what to do. Like I do but I dont you know? I mean...idk...Ive sold 3 pairs of sloth socks which was cool in the past like 2 weeks or is it 3 now since like i started like really seriously uploading to redbubble like before that I kept like uploading then removing my designs trying out different sites and so on I was trying to figure it out but I do now have it kinda figured out so that’s something. But now its like I’ve gotta get people to my freakin’ redbubble and its hard cos how an earth do i drive people to check out my store from the millions of others on the site. But also like I dont wanna like.. Idk I feel like and even though I have explained my situation on here I still kinda feel like I try to do it in a like not serious asking for help way in that i dont want it to come off as idk like I dont wanna be that person where its like i dont wanna be coming off as oh please help me feel sympathy towards me and feel sorry for me or pity me bs. I dont wanna be like appearing to be all I’m in desperate need pls help signal boost or buy to support me. Cos I’m not you know I have my parents to help we’ll be moving back in hopefully before xmas where I won’t have to pay rent. For me this is more about you know when my parents aren’t there I need to have an income for me and my partner hes disabled too...so full time jobs for the both of us is not likely especially if his EDS (edlher danlos syndrome) gets worse ya know?  So I suppose my worries arent like of imminent threat of anything but more like in the future we’ll be fucked if i cant set down the foundations now for the potential for a long term income from various online strategies. But just even thinking about the future and that far ahead fucking terrifies me.  Not only because of all this but because I never really thought about the future I didnt see one for myself as far as I was concerned I’d be dead or I’d be just...idk I couldnt even imagine a future or if I thought I’d make it I wouldnt really care you know because I didnt have like that light in me to want to live so it wasnt like I wanted to survive and thrive and i couldnt see a ‘happy ending’ for myself and now i can and I want to make that come true but of course its a bit hard to envisage a nice happy future with Kade when literally everything depends on having money to eat and have a roof over our heads etc and its just..UGH

I feel like trash too because I feel like my worth is valued by my output/labour and at the moment my output isn’t really bringing in cash right now so my output wouldnt exactly be deemed as ‘good’ idk its just weird its not like an I feel worthless thing like depression low self esteeem shit its more just a sort of social cultural consensus/belief that is ingrained that we are not really worth anything unless we’re contributing to society i.e working , paying taxes and buying things to reinvest in our economy etc etc..everything is about how much a human is worth in value of £ssss to big corporations and governments and rich people and idk its just like...they do have a point you know i cant just sit around and not do anything to contribute..because..then i feel like you know im not ‘sick enough’ to warrant that so im just in this limbo i guess completely self enforced by my mind which just makes it all the stupider but it is what it is. Venting this out has helped clear my mind some cos i mean at least its now out there in this void than just bouncing around my brain. Its why i write poetry too I guess idk why I just feel a release less tension SOMETIMES not all the time but sometimes it can help ease even if only slightly the chaos of my mind to just get it out there whether by chatting in person or writing it out like this just having it out there venting to someone or on a blog where people will read knowing like its not isolated within you still its relieving sometimes. So thanks for messaging me!  I hope you are having a good day so far! Idk timezones or where u r so it could be early there for you maybe your day is just starting..who knows! Its 2:37pm where I am right now though so I need to work  or try to...(yet again me feeling if i dont work constantly I be like failing at life) lol

[wandering-lounge]

health troubles (im ok!)

so, last week on thursday, i went into the hospital unexpectedly, I”ll kinda jsut vent about it below but TLDR: My appendix got me hecked up and I got it removed over Friday, and I’m absolutely fine right now. 

Just chillin, happy to be here, taking my time with things, And, just happy to be alive. and like. SUPER appreciative off everyone who follows me. and people who have been patient with me. 

So, On thursday, I woke up at the crack of 2AM with a pain in my stomach, it was large, and it was really uncomfortable. I spent my entire morning waking up and sleeping dry heaving into my toilet and sink. Until about 5:40 i was hating life, and i eventually got a bowl of cereal in me, and went to work. 

Before i had gone to work, I called my boss and left a voicemail at the office, and what i believed was their home phone. they didn't receive either of them. I told them, “I feel very bad right now, and i honestly dont want to work feeling like this. I’ve been throwing up since 2 am”. I told my boss the same thing to her face, and she said the thing she always says when its the busy time of year, “sorry we dont have any spare help, you HAVE to work today.” I did work anyways, but i figured it might just be some intestinal blockage or something minor. “it’ll go away,”, i thought.

As i drove my bus, i was about halfway through with it and i started feeling more and more nauseous. I threw up out of my window and my passengers freaked out a little.eventually i got back and talked witha  couple of other bus drivers, “what are you feeling?” they asked,

“well,” I said, “Ive been having this constant constipated like pain with nausea and what feels like a fever the entire morning.”

“that very much sounds like appendicitis. Have you had your appendix removed?”

“no” i shrugged, as i went back into the office to clock out.I then went to my boss and asked  if they could do something about getting someone to cover me for the afternoon, As well as mention what happened on route today, “sorry but we cant get anyone else, its just you, just go home and sleep”

I go home, I eat a rice cake, and sleep. I wake up about an hour later and throw up the food. and even some water that i drank with it. I feel even worse than this morning, I talk to my close friends on discord, and they tell me almost immediately, “GO TO THE HOSPITAL” I call my mom and dad to ask them what to do, as well as describe my morning. my mom JUST got off work and heads over to my place to do some personal checkups, and my dad is hours away from home and cant do a thing. they also tell me to call my doctor, i describe everything again.

“yeah, it very much sounds like appendicitis, but theres no way to know for sure unless you go to a hospital, but we do have a doctor appointment open in about an hour and a half.” 

I shrug off the appointment for now cause my mom was inbound. I just stare at my phone, “i know that i cant let them down but i’m REALLY nervous about this,” i talk to my friends and they helped me su up the will to talk to my boss one last time, 

I call her, she answers, and...”Boss, I cannot come in”

“what do you mean you cant come in?” 

“i dont feel comfortable coming into work this afternoon, I’m not going to risk this, i really dont feel good,”

“but i need you here, you need to come to work. Who’s going to pick up all of these passengers?”

“tell them were short staffed. its just how it is right now.”

“I cannot tell them that”

“im sorry but I cannot come in”

“fine, then stay home”

It felt awful. my boss was mad, and, well i honestly wasn't risking shit over this.

 And the moment we met up, I tell her aboutt he appointment, and we immediately go. my mom is almost speeding. I was more worried about her anxiety than my own well-being at that point. but eventually we made it to the meeting, My doctor told me the same thing as the nurse over the phone, “it is most likely appendicitis, if your appendix bursts, it could be very messy, very expensive, and... very potentially fatal if not treated soon enough, IF it bursts that is. so yes i highly reccomend the hospital. and so we went.

I get admitted, got my gown. got my room and bed, friend comes and visits, both my parents and half brother visit. its grand. all good and calm as i got prepped for the night and my cat scan. cause you cannot detect the appendix accurately enough on an Ultrasound (the more you know sound plays).

YEP its appendicitis. i sleep for the night. and got it removed the next day. they actually bumped up my surgery by about 3 hours or so cause i woke up in the morning with a 103 fever. (yikes) but they got me an ice bag and opened the door, 

That same day, I ate food, kept it down. felt SO, much better, and i walked out of the hospital. i was so happy to have that garbage out of me. apparently i was struggling with it. possibly for about a year. yeah... so yeah that happened.

also my boss fessed up a couple days later and said things are covered, told me not to worry about it, she felt very sorry about being a “heel”. and, I appreciate it. she told me if i need to i can take 2 weeks off, my doctor gave me a note for a week off.so. all well that ends well.

ok story time is over friends. thanks for reading.

[angrylizardjacket]

like flying [1] {Brian May}

A/N: Stardust AU!!! Mainly a set-up chapter. they/them, fallen star!reader, please please please let me know what you think!!

When one spends their life with their eyes trained on the sky, they tend to miss what’s right in front of them. 

Freddie says that a lot, usually when he’s up by the helm of the ship, and has just witnessed Brian, who is running across the deck trying to get the best vantage point of the sky through the clouds, run straight into John, who in fairness, is equally distracted by the impending storm.

“Could you at least warn us next time?” Brian calls over a crack of thunder.

“Being your guide dog isn’t my job.” Freddie’s glaring into the storm, a white-knuckled grip on the wheel as he prepared to whether it. John doesn’t seem too bothered by it, just picks up his scattered tools, straightens his googles, and heads towards the bow of the ship.

“What about you, ya jackal?” Brian levels a glare at where their resident Warlock had taken up residence on the banister of the quarterdeck, laughing as he watches the events unfold from his vantage point by the Captain. Roger sits with his ankles crossed, balancing with an unnatural ease, and for good reason; his favourite thing was using his magic to make it look like himself appear just that little bit better than the humans around him, irritating git. 

“You should watch where you’re going.” Is all he offers, eyes shining as he watches a crack of lightning streak across the sky.

“I’m trying to watch where we’re all going.” Brian huffs, rolling up his map and putting it in it’s holder for safekeeping. “Anyways, the storms dead ahead, you don’t need me to guide you. I’ll be down by the barrels until this is all over.” And with that he descends further into the ship to keep an eye on, and switch out the lightning barrels as they’re being filled.

From his vantage point on the gun deck, which had initially been for show, and had now been converted into the main collection point that all the lightning funnelled into, Brian could catch glimpses of the storm raging outside, and feel as it knocked the ship about. He had absolute faith in Deaky’s designs, they’d been through far worse and come out singing before, and for now he just contented himself with making sure that none of the lightning barrels overflowed, and occasionally catching a glimpse of stars through the clouds. 

There was no denying he was rather enamoured with them, at least as a concept; spending thousands of years bringing light to the world in it’s darkest hours, holding their constellations for hundred, even thousands of years, watching silently as the universe passes them by, all without complaint. There was something beautiful, artistic about the way they arranged themselves, something that made Brian feel so unbelievably small, and occasionally futile, in comparison. But their constant nature was often the only things that kept him sane aboard this ship, and so he wouldn’t begrudge the stars their shining constance, he’d just be thankful they shone at all, and kept him in a job, and ironically, kept him grounded. 

Roger joins him almost immediately after the storm passes. Brian’s carefully distilling a little of the freshest lightning into a little sample size if the buyer’s unconvinced of it’s quality, which is a tricky process involving heat-proof mittens and a weird metal hose, and Roger pulls off the lid of the barrel without a second thought. By now, Brian doesn’t even flinch; Roger’s adept at keeping the lightning contained with his magic and a flick of his wrist, and looks into the crackling metal barrel without any hesitation.

“Seems like we’ve got a good batch on our hands.” Roger tries to sound like he knows what he’s talking about, like he doesn’t say that every time because he’s a little in awe at the sight of what’s essentially bottled lightning. Brian doesn’t comment. “Well I appreciate your candor, I did do an excellent job.” Roger fills in the blanks with exactly what he wants to hear, and he steps back, stretching out his hand, and there’s a panic that rises in Brian’s chest as what appears to be an electrified serpent rises from the barrel.

“Do you have to show off like that?” Brian asks, deadpan, trying his hardest to hide the fear that the loud, electric snaps bring out in him. After a moment, he caps the sample and shuts off the little vent that he distills the lightning from before taking away the piping, while Roger rolls his eyes but obligingly shoves the lightning back into the barrel. 

As he’s capping it, his hold on the lightning slips for just a moment, and there’s a sudden burst as the not yet secured cap is torn through from his grip, rocketing faster than the eye can see up through the roof of the deck, and into the sky. Electricity bursts forth, fire blooming where the lighting hits the walls and floor in an instant, the very power of it sending both Roger and Brian to opposite ends of the room; it’s deafening, overwhelming, and it takes all of Roger’s focus to wrangle the electricity back under control.

“Spare lid!” He shouts, which Brian parrots back mockingly, looking around.

“We’ve never needed a spare lid why would we have one?!” He cries, and can hear, in the now still night air outside, Freddie cursing up a blue streak as he and Deaky come over to the newly formed hole in the floor of the deck to investigate. 

“Because it’s better to be safe than sorry!” Roger retorts, and suddenly there’s a pair of goggles looking down at them, Deaky, alongside their incredibly annoyed Captain.

“What the blood hell has happened?”

“Roger-” Brian tried to explain as he was putting out fires across the room, but he was cut off.

“We need a spare lid for this batch, okay? I’ll explain after.” Roger insisted, much to both Freddie and Brian’s chagrin.

“We don’t have a spare lid.” Deaky responded, and his face disappeared from the hole where they had been looking in. Freddie’s gaze turns skyward, as if trying to see if the lid was falling back to Earth, though he seemed transfixed.

“Ha! I told you!” Brian cried, and Roger rolled his eyes, as Deaky showed up at the door a few moments later, pulling various items from his tool belt as he set about making a make-shift lid.

“It won’t hold forever.” Deaky explained, “and we can’t sell this batch, I’ve basically just welded a metal plate to the top, and added some insulator. We need to get a new lid.” Roger relaxed, the sudden exertion and overuse of his powers hitting him all at once, though they all jumped when he let go of his hold of the electricity and it crashed threateningly at the new lid.

“How long do we have?” Roger asks, arms crossed as he puts out an on-fire chair with a wave of his hand before collapsing into it. Brian wants to make a snarky remark, but he’s too busy putting out fires of his own, and even at a glance Roger looks like he’s death standing, or sitting as the case may be; either way he’s at his limit. 

“A few days, maybe? I did the best I could given,” and he waves his hand around the ashy room and scattered supplies, “but those lids are specially designed.” And after stamping out a fire by the door, he takes off his goggles. “Worst comes to worst, I can crack the lid and we can chuck it overboard; it’ll come loose in the air and won’t be our problem.” 

“And waste a perfectly good barrel? I don’t think so, dear; we’re going to get our lid.” Freddie sounds so confident that it’s a little unnerving, and he’s still looking at the sky. Brian peers up through the hole and tries to follow his gaze.

“How do you even know where it is?” He asked, and Freddie turned with a bright smile, pointing at light in the sky growing steadily brighter at an alarming rate.

“Because it hit a star, and we can watch where it falls.”

The thing about you is that you adored humanity, you just never understood them. You’d always been so caught up in their day-to-day intricacies that you’d never been bored watching empires come and go, or see history repeat itself over and over again. Each little era brought something new, something to shake up the routine, and everyone’s personal lives, and sometimes you were even able to catch a glimpse of love. That was your favourite thing to watch, the way people would fall in love time and time again, and there’s little patterns, people drawn to one another, sometimes you feel as if you’re watching the same souls come back to each other over and over again. If you liked to fantasize about being one of those souls, you would never say anything to the others who shine beside you, bored with the ebb and flow with time that seemed to change little with each passing eon. 

You knew, objectively, that there were people who looked up at you, who even perhaps loved you, but it wasn’t the same, you couldn’t tell them you loved them in the same way, and after all, you liked it where you were, free from the fear of having your heart eaten like you’d seen happen to your brothers and sisters before, free from the fear of rejection; humans tend to like humans, and you knew if given half a chance you’d want to act out your little fantasy. But it wouldn’t come true; even people who looked up at the stars learned to love something on the ground, you’d seen it happen too many times. 

You were secure where you were, one of the brightest shining stars in the sky, glowing as you delighted in the antics of the people below you, and you never thought that would have to change. 

Until what seems to be a metal plate smacks you in the chest, winding you and knocking you from your perch in the sky. You weren’t even able to cry for help as you crash through the atmosphere. Fear has a stranglehold on your whole body, all you can do is clutch the metal to your chest as the ground approaches, and part of you, in hindsight, will be glad that you passed out before you hit the ground.

deadly viper assassination squad: @strangeandwonderfulconcepts @thatgeekspeak @some-back-ground-noise @ma-ntequilla @d-r-e-a-m-catchme @legendsaresooftenwarnings​ @phantom-fangirl-stuff @obsessedwithrogertaylor​ @cosmicsskies​ @sam-writes​ @queen-mischief-fanfiction​

(i just tagged everyone who expressed interest; tag list is always open, feel free to message me or comment on the fic and i’ll add you xx)

[rosapeachhogwartsmystery]

Spending time with Bowtruckles to relax (Hogwarts Mystery Imagine - (fem!)reader x Barnaby Lee)

Masterlist  (To view my Masterlist, visit my Tumblr page)

A/N: I kind of began writing it as a gender neutral fiction, but the ending isn’t really gender neutral anymore. So, I’ve written a warning so you will know where things aren’t gender neutral anymore. I’m sorry for those who want more gender neutral fictions with Barnaby. I’ll try to make the next fiction more gender neutral for you.

Words: 2.4k

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"There you are Barnaby Jr." You said when you were on the grounds where Care of Magical Creatures is given. You knelt down and gently let the Bowtruckle jump on your hand.

The Bowtruckle seemed happy to see you there, like it had been waiting for you to return. You weren't really allowed to bring the Bowtruckle along with you, because it was not on the list of pets you could keep. Besides, Bowtruckles could be dangerous if they were threatened. You would probably be punished if you brought the Bowtruckle along with you. You were glad Professor Kettleburn allowed you to take care of this Bowtruckle on this ground. You got attached to the Bowtruckle and you liked to take care of it.

  You smiled when the Bowtruckle went up to your shoulder. "You sure like climbing up, don't you?" You said amused. It was almost like Barnaby Jr. shrugged when you asked. Taking care of Bowtruckles was relaxing to you. It kind of helped you whenever you felt stressed out by your exams or the Cursed Vaults. Taking care of Magical Creatures just kept your mind from anything that could worry you. No one knew about you more spending time with Magical Creatures. You didn't mind them not not knowing about it, because you did prefer to keep them ignorant about the fact you were dealing with stress. How could they trust you with the Cursed Vaults if you were stressed? No, you wouldn't tell them about it, that was final. You didn't want them to worry about you, after all it was just a little stress, nothing more.

 You had been lying down on the grass when the Bowtruckle seemed to enjoy itself, climbing on top of you. "You seem to have a good a good time, Barnaby." You mumbled.  "How did you know I was here?"  You sat up and blinked when you saw the real Barnaby. You blushed a little and then you grinned awkwardly. "Oh, I.. eh... I was talking to the Bowtruckle." You mumbled. He seemed to be confused.  "You called a Bowtruckle Barnaby?" "Well, Barnaby Jr. is its full name, but that is a long story." Just thinking about giving the Bowtruckle that name made you blush. "Anyways, what are you doing here." You decided to change the subject, not wanting to tell him why you called the Bowtruckle after Barnaby.  "Oh, I thought Professor Kettleburn could let me help him with some Magical Creatures, just for some extra experience and stuff. It could help me become a Magizoolist in the future." He said honestly.

  "What about you?" Barnaby asked. "Oh, just taking care of this Bowtruckle during my free time." You said. "And sometimes I help Professor Kettleburn with other Magical Creatures." "Oh, I didn't know how much you were into Magical Creatures lately, Y/N. Do you also want to become a Magizoolist in the future?" He asked. "I'm not sure yet, but I sure do like Magical Creatures, especially Bowtruckles." "Awesome." He said with a smile before he walked closer to you and sat down. You were looking at the Bowtruckle, who seemed to be curious about the new person that sat down next to you.  "So, Kettleburn allowed you to take care of Barnaby Jr.?" He asked.

You nodded and smiled lightly. "Yeah, I got to meet the Bowtruckle during our fourth year. I got attached to it after Kettleburn told me to take care of it for a little while, so I came here once in a while to spend time with it."

  "I see, but I suppose you come here more often nowadays." Barnaby said. You blinked and looked at him.  "Why do you think so?" You asked, raising an eyebrow.  "People have been wondering where you are lately, especially Rowan." He said. "Of course, I was curious myself, but I thought it would be better to leave you alone. You were probably just busy." You rolled your eyes slightly with a grin.

"Well, thank you for being so considerate." You said softly. "I guess I should have expected people to find out I have been gone a lot more than I used to." "You shouldn't worry too much about it. I mean, if you want to have some time alone or anything they should respect that. I mean, they all have their own things as well."  "I suppose you are right." You said before you lied down on the ground again.

  "You are doing all right, aren't you?" Barnaby decided to ask.  You sighed. "I could be doing better."  "Oh..." He said, wondering if he could ask what was up or not. "If you want you can tell me, but that is up to you." You were unsure whether you wanted to tell him or not. After all, you didn't want to worry your friends because you were stressed. However, Barnaby seemed to be open minded, so he might not be too worried about it. You sighed and then you looked at him. "I'm just a little more stressed lately. Looking for the Cursed Vaults and studying for my N.E.W.T.s is harder than I thought. So, I come here mostly to relax and keep my mind from thinking about everything I am worried about."  "If this helps you with stress, it is a good way to cope with things. I mean, I heard taking breaks like these are important to keep going." He knew it was good to have breaks whenever you were studying hard. "It's a pretty hard year and I sure have quite some subjects to keep up with to pass this year." He said, rubbing the back of his head.

  "I think you have improved a lot these past years." You told Barnaby honestly.  He blinked. "You think so?"  "Yeah, you used to struggle a lot more during our third year." "Well, you guys have helped me out a lot." He said with a grin.  "That is what friends are for, right? Or do you still call me your partner?" You smirked lightly when you remembered him calling you a partner at the beginning. Barnaby chuckled, blushing slightly as well. "Well, you and Tulip used a Dungbomb on Ismelda and me." He said. "I wasn't sure if I could really trust you."  "And you do trust me now?" You asked amused.  "Most of the time, yes." He said with a grin.  "Good, that means you have learnt from spending time with me." You said with a wink.

"Well, being friends with you can be more difficult than being friends with Ismelda and Merula sometimes." He joked.

"So much more difficult, after all, I don't order you around or insult you." You said and then you rolled your eyes.

"No, you convince me to come along." He said amused.

"Well, you can't just force people, can you? I don't think I would be strong enough to force you." You said.

  "I don't know what you are thinking, but you seem strong enough to me." Barnaby said honestly.  "You must be mistaken, I'm not that strong." You told him.  "Well, you are strategic, so your intelligence is your strength. Also, you are not that easy to pull out of the way. I would say you have trained a little." He said with a grin.  "Besides duelling and flying class, I don't train that much." "You are also physically active during Care of Magical Creatures." He pointed out.  You shrugged and glanced away. Barnaby frowned and kept his eyes on you.  "Are you doubting yourself?" He asked.  "Sometimes." "Why?" He asked, not seeing why you should doubt yourself.  "Because I don't want things to go wrong. I mean, my brother got in serious trouble during his search. I suppose the older I get the more worried I get about looking for the Cursed Vaults." You explained. "I don't want to end up the same way Jacob did." "You don't want your wand to be snapped." He said.

  "Besides that, I have no clue what I want to do with my life after Hogwarts. I want to have good grades so I'm able to make choices, but so far I have no real directions. There are just so many things I would like to do, but eventually I would need to make a choice." You said. "And here I am, venting to you. Sorry about that." You mumbled, sighing softly afterwards.

"It is fine. You don't have to apologize." He said. "It seems like you really needed to, Y/N." "Still, I didn't mean to do such a thing." "It doesn't matter, you needed it. I think it is important you can vent yourself somewhere. You don't want to bottle your feelings up until you can’t handle it anymore, do you?” You knew Barnaby had a point. Bottling your feelings up could cause you to break down eventually. “I suppose you have a point.” You said honestly and then your ran a hand through your hair.

“You know, you can always talk to me if you want to, I mean, if that helps you out.” He said honestly. “I mean, it’s the least I can do, right?”

  Here you were, venting to Barnaby about how you were feeling. You honestly were surprised how easy he handled it. He didn’t seem to mind it, actually encouraging to be talk about how you are feeling.

“You don’t have to, I mean, I might not be the best person to talk to.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I do understand you would prefer someone else to talk to, someone who understands things better.”

“So far, you have understood me completely.” You told him honestly. “I think I have never talked about this to anyone else before… At least not like this.”

“So, you think I do understand what you have been talking about?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, you seemed to know what I meant.”

“I’m glad. I mean, it’s something I doubt sometimes.” He said with a chuckle.

“Let me guess, because people have called you stupid?”

“Exactly. People often think I won’t understand what they are talking about.” He said. “Well, perhaps if we are talking about Arithmancy, Potions and History of Magic, I won’t understand.”

“Well, I’m not good at every subject either, but that definitely doesn’t mean you are stupid.”

  Things got a little quiet between you two again before you decided to speak up again. “Everyone has something to deal with… Sometimes, it feels stupid to talk about your own problems when everyone has problems. I don’t want to bother you all, especially because I dragged you all in to this mess.”

Barnaby sighed softly. “You know, we all agreed to help you out, right? It isn’t like we are being forced to help you.”

“I just don’t get it. Why would you guys risking to help me? You all know it could get you in some serious trouble, right?”

“Of course, but you are also our friend and we won’t abandon you just because it is dangerous.” He said honestly. “Besides, people think it is dangerous to befriend me because of my parents.” He shrugged.

“Your parents don’t define you, Barnaby. Just like Jacob doesn’t define me either. We are just ourselves, nothing else.” You said with a smile. “You know? I actually feeling a lot better now. I guess I kind of forgot how nice it is to talk to someone about these kind of things.”

“I’m glad you are feeling better.”

“Maybe we can be each other’s venting buddies.” You chuckled. “So, you can complain and vent to me about your problems and you can listen to mine.” You joked.

“Sounds interesting. Does that also include spending time with Bowtruckles?”

“Of course! I’m sure Kettleburn doesn’t mind it if you are also taking care of Barnaby Jr.” You said with a sweet smile.

 fem!Reader ending

“Y/N!”

You turned around to see Penny and Rowan running towards you.

“Oh, hey guys.” You greeted with a sweet smile.

“Y/N, don’t tell me the rumour is real….” Rowan basically begged.

You raised an eyebrow. “What rumour?”

“About you and Barnaby.” Penny said. “We just want to know the truth.”

“You still haven’t told me about the rumour.” You said honestly, wondering what was so important. It was rumour, nothing more. There was no way it would have actually happened.

“They talked about a Barnaby Jr., Y/N.”

“Oh… Barnaby Jr.” You said, wondering what this rumour was about.

“So Barnaby Jr. does exist?” Penny asked with wide eyes. She couldn’t believe you said it so causally.

“Of course he does exist.” You said simply. “I didn’t know why you would make such a big deal out of it. I mean, Kettleburn allows me to take care of him. Barnaby didn’t even know about it before we spent some time together.”

“Wait, Kettleburn knows you are pregnant!?” Rowan nearly yelled.

“Woah!” You said, holding your hands up. “Pregnant? I’m not pregnant! Bloody hell, How could I be pregnant?” You said seriously.

“But who is Barnaby Jr. then?” Penny asked.

“Barnaby Jr. is the Bowtruckle I’m taking care of. Seriously, you guys I thought I was pregnant?” You frowned.

  Rowan and Penny stared blankly at you before they both understood was what was going on. “Oooooh….”

“Yes, really ‘oooh’. I can’t believe you guys thought it was about a baby…” You mumbled softly. “Besides, I might fancy Barnaby Lee, but I don’t recall having a fun night under the sheets with him if you know what I mean.”

  “Wait, you fancy me?”

You honestly thought you were going to die when you heard Barnaby’s voice behind you. Why did he have to be there? Why couldn’t he be somewhere else when you basically told him out loud you fancied him.

Rowan and Penny grinned awkwardly at you, giving you an apologetic look.

You took a deep breath and then you turned around to face Barnaby. “Yes, I do fancy you.” You said softly before you basically walked away from the scene.

This was definitely not what you had in mind. No, you were going straight to Care of Magical Creatures, so you would be able to calm yourself down again with Barnaby Jr..

  “What just happened?” Barnaby asked, looking very confused. He knew he would need to talk to you later, but he couldn’t help it but to be very confused about this.

(A/N: Once again I’m sorry for the ending not being gender neutral because of the ‘MC is pregnant’ rumour I decided to add. I thought it would be funny if people believed the MC was pregnant because people kept hearing the name Barnaby Jr. >__>’)

[queenofcats17]

Okay so I had bit of a funny idea because of the story you did yesterday, which was amazing by the way! Do you think you could write something with Sammy and Corrupted!Henry and maybe Wally can be there too! (Because he didn’t escape like in the game, in my AU) and they’re just trying to keep him out of trouble? I just thought it would be kind of funny since Bendy wanted Sammy to look after him for awhile. It’ll probably be a bit angsty though. 😅 Sorry if this idea is kind of stupid though.

I’m so glad you liked it!

Prepare for some shenanigans! And maybe angst.

Sammy watched as Bendy vanished into the distance. Once he was sure the little demon was gone, he sighed and let his shoulders slump. Henry sat at his feet, smiling up at him. It pained Sammy to see him like this, stripped of his humanity. Apparently, Henry could sense Sammy’s sadness, as he oozed over and starting hugging Sammy’s legs while making comforting noises. Sammy found himself unable to resist a smile.

“Thank you, Henry.” He said, patting Henry’s head. Even if Henry had been corrupted, it was nice to be able to hug his old friend. 

“So, this is Henry Williams?” One of the Lost Ones asked tentatively. 

“Yes, this is him.” Sammy nodded. A few of the Lost Ones knelt in front of Henry, examining him and offering him food. Henry was admittedly rather excited by all this attention, and Sammy started introducing his congregation to his old friend. Most of them had only heard rumors of Henry Williams. More and more Lost Ones ventured out from their little shacks until there was a small crowd around Sammy and Henry. That was when Wally appeared. 

Wally had felt Henry’s corruption complete. Joey’s control had slipped for a moment and Henry’s location had been revealed to all those with a connection to the Ink. Most of the Lost Ones and Searchers hadn’t noticed Henry’s presence appear, but Wally had been paying close attention. They’d all been worried about Henry, and none of them had been quite sure where he was. So as soon as Joey had slipped enough to reveal Henry, Wally bolted to that location to see what he could do to help. He was pretty surprised when he found Henry in the Lost One village with Sammy, being fawned on by numerous Lost Ones.

“Yeesh. Did I miss something?” Sammy’s head snapped around at the sound of Wally’s voice.

“There you are!” He managed to push past the other Lost Ones to get over to Wally. “Where have you been? You just disappeared! We were all worried!”

“Sorry.” Wally gave a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his head. “I was lookin’ for Henry. Thought I could help. But, uh, looks like you found him first.”

“Bendy was taking care of him.” Sammy glanced back at Henry. “They were with Allison and Tom.”

“Alli and Tom? Seriously?” Wally’s eyes widened. “How’d the kid manage to get them to let Henry in?” Allison and Tom were good people, but they were extremely cautious around anyone who had been infected or was under the control of the hive mind. They had every right to be cautious, given how they were currently thorns in Joey’s side. 

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.” Sammy made a vague hand gesture. 

“Right. Cool.” Wally let his eyes wander to where Henry was still being doted on by the Lost Ones. “So…He’s one of us now.”

“He…He is.” Sammy followed Wally’s gaze back to Henry. 

“I really thought we could get him out.”

“I did too.”

“At least…Joey won’t do anything too bad to him, right?” Wally’s voice had a slightly hopeful note. “He cares about Henry, right?”

“I don’t know,” Sammy admitted. “Joey tends to get…unpleasant when people don’t behave exactly as he wants them to.” Wally could tell this topic of conversation was only serving to depress Sammy. So he decided to change the subject. 

“Anyway!” Wally slung an arm around Sammy’s shoulder. “How’s it going? Jack says you haven’t visited him in a while.”

“I’ve been…busy.” Sammy hunched his shoulders a bit. Wally almost could have sworn he was blushing.

“Busy how?” Wally asked, grinning. 

“He’s been teaching us songs!” One of the Lost Ones piped up. 

“You’ve been singing without me?” Wally let out a faux horrified gasp. “You know how much I like to sing!”

“Well, I couldn’t find you!” 

The Lost Ones’ attention was drawn away from Henry by Sammy and Wally. They all started laughing quietly. It was always fun for them to see Sammy and Wally interact. Wally was one of the few people who could get away with teasing Sammy the way he did. The two were almost like brothers. Wally and Sammy were their light, their hope. Wally kept morale high and Sammy was a comforting presence for those who needed it. 

Unfortunately, since the Lost Ones had taken their eyes off of Henry, this meant no one was making sure he wasn’t getting into trouble. As a Searcher, Henry wasn’t nearly as cautious as he’d been before. He had no more fear of the ink. After all, he was made of the ink. With the Lost Ones distracted, Henry began to wander about. He’d never been in this place before. The buildings were strange, not like the ones he remembered. But what really caught his attention was the river of ink at the end of the docks. His eye lit up. He’d never seen so much ink before. He wondered if he could swim in it. Immediately, he began to set out for the river. 

“Wait, where’s Henry?” Wally suddenly asked. Sammy stopped talking, looking around as well. To their absolute horror, they saw Henry making his way towards the river of ink. They knew that anyone who fell into that much ink seldom managed to find their way out. 

“Henry no!” They both yelled, running over to snatch Henry away from the river. Henry pouted a little as Sammy scooped him up in his arms. 

“Henry! What were you thinking?!” Sammy said, putting Henry down a safe distance away from the ink. Henry folded his arms, sinking down and sulking. 

“I’m all for having a little fun, but that much ink is dangerous,” Wally added. “You’d never be able to find your way outta there.” Henry started making a whining sound, reminding both Wally and Sammy of a petulant child.

“This might be harder than I thought.” Sammy murmured. 

Watching Henry did indeed turn out to be harder than he’d anticipated. Both Wally and Sammy had their work cut out for them trying to keep Henry out of trouble. Henry wanted to go everywhere and touch everything. He tried to go to the mostly flooded office area, which was populated by Butcher Gang clones. He tried to slip into the vents. And he kept trying to go into the ink river. Neither Sammy nor Wally had ever anticipated having children, but they imagined that this was what it would be like to have a small child. 

“Geez.” Wally panted, sinking to the ground after he and Sammy had managed to wrestle Henry away from the river again. “Didn’t think it’d be this hard.” 

“He has no self-preservation instinct.” Sammy gasped. Henry sat in front of them, smiling innocently. 

“You’re lucky you’re our friend,” Wally said, although his voice lacked any malice. “If you weren’t, I woulda dumped you.” Henry continued to smile, knowing full Wally would never do anything like that. 

“I hope Bendy comes back soon.” Sammy curled up on the ground. He needed a nap. A long one. Henry oozed over, curling up with Sammy and making contented noises. 

“Okay, that’s pretty cute,” Wally admitted. 

“Mm.” Sammy closed his eyes, letting himself drift off. Wally snorted, pulling his hat down over his eyes. They’d both deserved a rest. 

[city-of-lame]

Creepy Josh from Olive Garden

Strap in for this Saga

So my drunk ass fucking DESTROYED a man yesterday. This guy (not-so-affectionately nick-named creepy josh from Olive Garden) has been harrassing women in the Nashville area for three years.

I can be polite to a fault at times, so mostly I just ignored his texts/snapchats etc. but would give a quick, generic “hi how are you?” reply on occasion. But yesterday he decided to “confess” his feelings and ask me out. Now that in itself isn’t so bad.

But hear me out, my dudes.

This guy has asked me out at LEAST 7 times in the last two years. Each time I have politely and clearly said “no thank you”. I’ve made it CLEAR I am not interested many times. But he always persists.

The first time, he was a new hire at Olive Garden where I was a server (19 at the time) and being me, I wanted to make him feel welcome. I know what it’s like to be the new kid and it’s always nice to make a friend on your first day. So I chatted him up about school and life and said to ask me if he needed help/had any questions. Turns out we were in the same program at MTSU (we would later have a class together and it was a whole thing and he harassed my friend about going out and I warned her with my experience and when she said no he badgered her to a frightening extent on who told her bad things about him)

All in all seemed like a normal dude that I would get along with at first. But he asked me out that night and I was in a committed, long distance relationship at the time. So when I declined he said “then why were you nice to me?” And in the weeks that followed asked questions like “why do you love him if he lives in another state?”

So the red flags basically slapped me in the face left and right and I avoided him as much as I could from then on.

Fast forward to the last few months. I’m fairly newly single and he found this out and has been mesaging me consistently on Snapchat and text since. He’s asked me out a few times (I answered no every time) and when he saw me at Walmart with my mom as he was leaving and we were going to the check out, we exchanged waves and “how are you”’s but then HE STOPPED AT THE DOOR AND WAITED FOR US staring us down as we check out our groceries. I made it take an absurdly long time and finally he left but shot me a quick “you looked great! Let’s get drinks sometime!” Text within3 minutes of finally leaving us alone.

So last night when he asked me out yet again (screenshots below) I was headed out with friends (not yet drunk when I was driving just for the record) to celebrate one of the girls leaving her shitty job. Naturally, I hadn’t replied or even read the message yet. Twenty minutes go by and he says “a reply would be nice considering I just put everything out there after two years.”

Y’all.

He had no idea what he started.

So I’m tipsy by the time I finally read this and I SNAPPED. I really was not having this today. Drunk Sarah was not here for any part of how he was (and would) speak to me over the next few hours.

So I threw polite out the god dang window and laid into this man. And when I say I snapped I mean I came for his ENTIRE life. I left him with 5 new assholes and his jugular ripped open.

The conversation was exhausting and I wish I hadn’t wasted as much time as I had on it but I was seething. I know at least 5-10 women he has harassed/ made uncomfortable/ treated like trash and when I brought them up he got mad saying he was tired of us going behind his back and never telling him what was wrong WHILE IM TELLING HIM WHAT WAS WRONG. Clearly us sharing our experiences and warning each other bothered him/ inconvenienced him. When I told him I’d heard from several girls he kept trying to guess and named three women I’d never even heard of so there’s way more than I know and it’s clear he’s been confronted before AND knows he’s fucked up but doesn’t see it as his fault.

So basically I was and still am disgusted to my core but mostly glad to be rid of him. Below are some screen grabs of his droning and whining and attempted manipulation. Just some highlights since I’ve already made you read so much. Also the last two screenshots are from a girl in a Facebook group warning women about him where he tells her to fuck herself because she didn’t reply to him while at work. Several other girls also posted on her post afterwards sharing their shitty experiences with him!

So that’s your piping tea for the day. Sorry for such a long post just really needed to vent all of that. Also please excuse my typos. Drunk Sarah was drunk AND angry so she did her best.

[ugisfeelings]

hfhfghghg sr yr shit below

i honestly thought i got my depression mostly under control by the time i hit high school in the sense that even if im depressed and i idealize abt suicide 24/7 at least i can still be academically functioning and retain some form of respectability. i wasnt asking for much i knew i wasn’t going to any ivy leagues or colleges w/ under 20% acceptance rates but. i got a 1520 on my sat which is. alright. i have a 4.27 gpa from freshman to junior yr, with a 4.68 in junior yr. i was one of the 3 ppl i know to get an A in apush and my teacher told me i was one of the most hardworking students he had ever had. yea my relationships went to shit last yr too and yea i basically became a machine who wasn’t even happy when drawing anymore and whose sense of self worth became tied to the number of A’s i could get but lol fine i can accept that!!! if i had to be miserable and alone, at least i can be miserable in a dumb pretentious liberal arts college.

and now idk if i can even get into a state college. or college in general. whcih is. Hilarious. im failing my classes and i had to drop out of ap bio for ap art (which fucks up my transcript even more to the point all my ‘match’ schools became reaches according to my college counselor looool), which im miserable in anyways bc ive had severe art block since end of junior yr and im just not happy drawing anymore. ive lost interest in the one thing i thought i could have on my worst days. i went from the “so this is what an A student looks like” in apush to being snidely talked about behind my back bc it turns out that “A student” turned out to be a fluke and is a dumbass in reality. my personal statement is shit shit shit and shit but ive given up on it bc lol i have no time and ive been struggling to even start supplemental bc im fake as hell even tho i have 15 apps due by jan. ppl tell me to be ‘genuine’ abt myself but lol!! how can i be genuine my entire personality since i came to this hell country and hell state has been defined by building up a college resume?? how do i respond to question asking ‘what makes u happy’ when i cant tell if i like studying history bc of genuine interest or bc i just like the gratification of circling right answers. how do i ‘sell myself’ when im just a mediocre typical asian applicant who is indistinguishable from other asian kids at my school and who has been mentally fucked up since 5th grade. ive become isolated from my friends too and tbh? this was coming for a while idk why im even so upset. yea conversations are 10x more awkward and forced but lol when has it not been? ive always been shit at socializing w/ ppl and im not a healthy person to be around with. ive always known one of the few reasons ppl stick w/ me at all is bc due to either pity or weird sense of ~loyalty~ despite having no meaningful connections at all. im a machine that’s only programmed to do well at school and who doesn’t know how to be human, and im even failing at the one thing im supposed to be good at. i feel bad for my “”rfiends”” bc im literally at my worst right now and tbh? when have i ever been rlly good for them. we share 0.3 interests and our only connection is that we take tons of ap’s and sometimes joke abt anime. i know how superficial i am, how fake i am, how unlikeable of a person i am. i dont even hang out w/ my once-closest friends anymore bc we all have different classes and free periods. online conversations last like 10 seconds w/ awkward 2 hr breaks inbetween and  pathetic ‘how r u doing’/’how’s it been it’s been a while’ full well knowing the answer will be as generic and fake the questions. plans for doing stuff go to nothing. not even online plans. i whine about tests and homework, talk abt politics, and repeat dumb jokes to Lighten Up things but that’s all there is to me now. im already considered the ‘sick’ friends bc i get physically ill a lot bc of my shitty immune system and im visibly the most stressed out abt academic stuff so the last thing anyone wants is for me to further burden them with just how alienated and shitty i feel. im waiting for them to all cut me off at this point bc it’s clear open communication isn’t viable anymore and there’s just nothing to gain from my presence anymore now that we’re graduating in less than a yr. everything abt my life is in fucking flames and ive gone too far to be able to fix anything. im gonna walk out of highschool without a college to attyend and with no friends. i feel empty and alone and the pain i feel is so exhausting and nothing like anything else ive dealt with before and it’s fucking crushing me and i just!! i feel like i have nowhere no one and nothing to turn to anymore. no classes to immerse myself in bc im strggling so hard and ive been so unmotivated. no friends to talk to shit abt normal teenage things bc im incapable of that and shouldnt be allowed near ppl anyways. no art to express myself bc just getting out my tablet results in a mental breakdown. i regret not jumping into the highway like i promised myself fucking 5 yrs ago.

anyways i hope i die before january 1st bc i dont think im gonna finish any college applications at this rate.   

[emetkoto]

im going to vent a little about this year and the stuff thats been going on in my head in regards to my art crisis so yknow....sorry

this year has been really terrible for me and my art because i finally reached a sort of breaking point and decided i wanted to start from scratch. as you may or may not know, prior to august of this year, i was doing my art in.......not so great ways. to put it simply, i was basically tracing 3d models. ive talked about it on this blog before and it was a big source of anxiety and depression for me for years. so for basically the first half of the year, i was stuck in limbo and realized that i just couldnt do it anymore!!!! i didnt want my art to be like that!!! so in august (after how well that yuuya painting turned out) i decided that i was gonna move on from that and start over with my art. that first month, it was going really well! i was excited about how well i could draw despite everything, but then that kinda....wore off and i fell back into a depression over how much i disliked my new artstyle and i didnt really do anything until september when i did that corazon painting and from there....well you all pretty much know the rest. ive been in a serious artblock ever since and some days its so bad that the thought of drawing stresses me out to the point of feeling sick

ive always been embarrassed by my art and because of that i never let anyone help me improve and just kept trying to avoid the issue by tracing and other not so great things and that led to my confidence taking a bit of a nosedive over the years and im still trying to recover from that......its honestly one of my biggest regrets? i wish id just let trash help me learn anatomy and stuff because maybe then i wouldnt be so stuck and i could be happy with the things i draw

theres been a lot of times this year where ive wanted to give up. i still kinda do but im doing my best to resist that urge and keep going because art is neat!! its what i want to do!!! its gonna take me a long time to get to where i want to be, but i hope that youll all bear with me until then because without your support i wouldve quit a long time ago

so uhhhhhhh.....yeah sorry to dump all this but its been weighing me down so much i feel paralyzed and suffocated so i really needed to get it all off my chest

[srlkiller]

today was a lot. i had a 1on1 therapy thing that was supposed to be like an INTRO TO UR RECOVERY WOO!!! LETS GET UR MENTAL HEALTH IN CONTROL!!! But instead it turned into me having 4 panic attacks constantly crying while venting to a social worker in a room w no air con for 2 hours about ‘how my month has been’ and ‘why i haven’t been attending any of my group therapy?’ well sue sweetie.. u asked me…n boy did i give u the answer ur career as a social worker has been WAITING 4!! then i got my 1st covid shot & briefly spoke to my doctor who was rude asf so i was like ok today fucked. Centrelink also called me and told me wrong info which fucked me over. then i see my dad calling and im like OFC HE IS!!massive fight as per n he hangs up but then continues via text bc hes petty asf.

BUT not as petty as my mom bc that is literally how the fight started. bc of her. like this bitch omg. she purposely runs off to my dad and tells him every little thing i do ‘wrong’ bc she knows his temper and how afraid i am of him due to past events so she uses him to basically do her dirty work for her n ‘scare me’. like that’s how manipulative and fucked up she is in the head. she made up a whole ass lie and told my dad that i said to my mom the only reason i was trying to stay in contact with my dad was so that i remain in his will as like the sole beneficiary or whatever….. how sick and twisted must you be to lie to someone directly in their face about something so serious INVOLVING UR OWN CHILD that you share with that person????? i would NEVER! say that about my dad. EVER. this happened months ago btw. as soon as i spoke about it w my dad and i was like “what.. dad i would never say that you know i don’t give a fuck about money like that i don’t care about your will why would i even be thinking about your will?” he was like wait actually that’s fucked up ur right. It was actually HER who made that comment. she got my dad to go and fix fencing at my nans house for free (using him) n my dad mentioned he had a girlfriend. my mum came home & SAID TO ME “u better hurry up and get in ur dads good books now that he has a gf.. before she gets a hold of his will and u end up w nothing” and i simply told her that my dad would never take me off his will regardless so why say that to me. once she got exposed she backtracked and was like “oh it was just a joke” & both my dad and I were both saying that even as a joke how is that funny? how does your mind even start to think in that way? how is this funny to you? then she flips it. her scripts are so repetitive now that ive caught on that i can actually predict what she’s gonna say before she opens her mouth. she manipulates u into thinking ur reality isn’t correct.. saying things like “ omg ur over reacting lol ur so dramatic no wonder no one takes u seriously in life, grow up, i have no idea what ur going on about, have u taken ur medication for the day, have u lost it, are u high on something?” like what in the fuck?

i never once mentioned anything about anyones will.. when i was younger i made the mistake obviously of telling her that my dad was leaving me his house. when my nans will was getting exposed she became overly obsessed w wills in general and changed hers. im guessing behind my back she has actually taken me off now but i don’t want her dirty ass money which is stolen from my accounts anyway. my nan left all her grandchildren a large sum of money that was supposed to be equally split among us, its now been over a year since my nan passed & i noticed a group text come up on my moms phone from her sisters talking about what they did for their children with that money. one of them paid off their entire hex debt so it must be a substantial amount. i have not seen a cent which means she has taken it for herself, put it in her name and placed it into a secret account without my knowledge. if it’s as much $ as i believe it is, this could seriously help me move out and better my situation which she constantly tells me she wants me to get the fuck out ect. yet you are holding the key to the door in ur hand? that’s twisted and very sick. they fought for a year over my nans money and all i asked for was an old XXXX gold stubby holder that was my grandads bc it was very sentimental to me. instead, they chose to have a garage sale and sold all of my nans things and sold that stubby holder to a random person for 20 cents………. i was in shock when i found out.. and they laughed and were like get over it omg it’s just a stubby holder you can just buy another one. these people are so fucked up but they all made me feel like i was losing my mind my whole life. money isn’t shit without sentiment. i could have given you 20 cents if you need that shit so bad. im only attached partially to these evil ass roaches by some genetics but to me none of them are my family. not once have i ever felt cared for, loved, accepted, safe or happy in their presence. i am only ever wanted when they can gain something from me. that is not family. my grandad was big on family n my nan and my grandad are the only two people i claim as family from my moms side. my nans two blind siblings who i admired & adored + a few of my grandads siblings were the only ones who actually showed interest in getting to know me & didn’t look down on me in any way. i was never considered ‘less than’ or not good enough yet i was the family disappointment to my mom and her sisters. but they have never seen her like i see her. the way she acts in front of family is not the person i know. she’s very good at acting. the way she pretends to be a ‘mother’ in front of her own family is actually scary. she’s like the ultimate con artist except she’s too fucking dumb to actually scam people and get rich off of her ability to manipulate whoever she wants. what a shame ur not intelligent.. that sure must suck huh. my nan gave me that maternal love i never had from my mother and my grandad was always that man who held us all together as a unit. when he got sick everything changed and started to go down hill. they had to give up their entire property, his big beautiful garden and vegetables he was really passionate about, the horses and land ect. my nan planted a rose bush and it grew big and blossomed big red roses and she said this is for you, my little rachel rose 🌹 🥺 she said she wanted to take the whole ass bush w her and replant it 😂 but my grandad was like we are not taking a fucking huge ass rose bush w thorns in the car w us Gloria.. i only remembered this today during that therapy session and i hyperventilated so bad n just started crying.. bc i couldn’t believe my brain had blocked that memory for so long just to recover it now that she’s no longer here to share it with.

i can feel the love my dad has for me even when he’s temperamental.. you can see it in his face and his eyes. when i look at my mom i try desperately to find some sort of just fucking anything and… i see nothing. i can tell that she doesn’t feel anything. but she does for other children. just not me. so i know she isn’t a heartless bitch and is capable of emotions of all sorts.. but anything to do with me it’s almost like im invisible or she cannot see fault in her self. she cannot in any way accept anything she has ever done, she has never said the words ‘I’m sorry’ for anything ever in life involving me, she has stood by (literally stood and watched) while her own sisters verbally abused me as a minor calling me out my name AND one even texted my best friend at the time who was about 14 saying that i was a bitch. meaning my mom gave my aunt my friends number to text that message.. my friends mom was livid about this bc what grown ass woman texts a random 14 year old girl paragraphs of shit like that swearing at them and saying that their friend is a rude ungrateful bitch. her mom reacted as a mother should. as i would love my mother to stick up for me just once in life.. u kno.. ever? i still remember my first SUI attempt at like 16 after being abused and this person told me they were leaving and coming back so i had about a 10 min window of time and i panicked as any 16 young girl home alone would.. i called my mom for help bc ur parents are supposed to protect you. her wording was “well what did u do to make him hit you?” “you know that you deserved that”. i was in disbelief that she would react like that.. she was talking so calmly while i was crying hysterically having a panic attack telling her this man was coming back in 10 mins asking her to please help me.. and all she could say was.. “you probably deserved it”. ive never been the same since then tbh. im not blessed enough to be a parent yet, i may never be.. but i know for a fucking FACT that i would NEVER say any of the shit that she says to me to ANY child let alone MY OWN?!?

you had me at 36 years old. you had time to think about this and evaluate whether you thought you would be able to care for a child and make a good parent. If you “didn’t want to deal with me” then you had other options.. you could have sent me to foster care, you could have adopted me out, you could aborted me, shidddd you could have mf swallowed me bitch let’s be real. no, you chose to have a child. there’s no 18 year contract.. she loves to play that card. “UR AN ADULT NOW”, what about me makes me an adult, my age makes me an adult to you? yet you’ve kept me so childlike, so codependent & haven’t taught me basic life skills despite me asking to learn. like im deadass watching YouTube videos to teach myself basic ass life skills… that is sad as fuck. when im 48… guess what??? i am still your child and unfortunately for me!! you are STILL my parent. there’s no changing that bc you made that choice. you can’t just b like yeah i change my mind nvm i want to return it…… like that is really her attitude. i was born with a lot of health issues that have escalated a lot and only continue to get worse with age both mental and physical. guess what tho… if ur child is born with defects u don’t get to just b like omg ew i don’t want it now this one’s too difficult. like trust me.. if i was one of those lil sperm rn i am not about to fertilise u for NOTHING if this is the consequence I’d rather jus keep on swimming lmao.

[movedtoprsmise]

1-Hey Billy I hope you're doing good and taking care of yourself ❤ Excuse me butI need to rant but I literally am so fucking frustrated. Basically back in the beginning of June I got into the uni I wanted but I need a visa. Literally two days later I had all the papers ready but I needed a paper from the bank only my dad could get me and he kept telling me "later im tired, watching a movie, going out, ill do it tmrw" Basically he thinks that bc he pays for me to eat, have a roof over my head, an

2- and go to school (bc yes, hes the only parent who does that ofc)that means he can treat me however he wants (meaning with no basic human respect)Like whenever I asked him when he would go he’d tell me he wasn’t my servant and to go fuck myself (yes, im quoting) Now I finally have that paper and I just saw that the visa center is full till mid july but last year it took my friends almost 2 months to get them and I have a friend who told me appartments get super expensive in mid august3 - especially around unis bc of all the students looking for a place. Campus is full so im either gonna end up paying 300 extra euros for rent every month or live far and have to take like three buses. Im literally crying and I can’t even go tell him off cause motherfucker’s got a pride+anger issues and hell find a way to shift the blame to me and slap me or smth

——

this is really so shitty, im so sorry ur going through this and also that im answering this a bit late //: i cant offer you much other than my full support and my ears because ive yet to go into college but you can always always vent to me about anything. god knows i know what its like to have a shitty father. i hope that you’re able to find comfort and peace soon my love )): im here for u always 💓