#in practice though i don't really ever Give Recommendations to people at all

[hyunniesgirl]

Another Love | part 1

Summary: you've been hopelessly in love with Han since you were children. One night you confess your feelings to him.

Words count: 8,539

Warnings for this part: lots of angst, drunk people, drunk Han is petty asf

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

A/N: So I made that pool asking if I should post this fic in chapters or a 20,000+ words chapter and the long ass chapter won but at the time my mind told me I would be able to finish the whole fic before posting it... Jokes on me I need validation and feedback for me to write so yeah let's do this in chapters, sorry

A/N2: I had this idea for quite some time now but got suddenly inspired listening to the song another love.

You're done. Really, you can't take it anymore. You've known Han Jisung since elementary school, you have been basically joined at the hip since then, your parents even became best friends because of you two.

You don't know exactly when you fell in love with him, was it on your second day at school when he invited you to play with him because he noticed you were all alone? Was it when someone made an awkward joke about your messed up hair cut in second grade and he picked a fight with them? Maybe it was the very first moment you laid eyes on him, joking around with everyone and being the most popular kid in the classroom. You really can't remember, but the thing you're sure of is: Han Jisung doesn't like you back.

You've always known that, but inside you there was a tiny bit of hope that one day he would wake up and suddenly love you back.

That didn't happen though. You are now 23 and he has never ever shown the smallest amount of romantic interest in you.

"That's fine", you thought to yourself, ever since you realized your feelings for him, "I'm going to stay with him his entire life, that doesn't sound so bad"

Until it started to sound really bad. What are you gonna do? See him getting a girlfriend, then getting engaged and eventually married? Would you always be there on the sidelines listening to his lovesick whines about the woman he loves so much? Would you be the godmother to his children? By then, would you have gotten over him already? Or would you keep this up forever, marrying someone just because you can't stay alone and being in love with your best friend for the rest of your life? That was the moment you knew you had to stop, you can't keep this up.

Coincidentally Han broke up with his last girlfriend a few months ago, you thought that would be a good opportunity for you to be his rebound, yeah, pretty dignified of you.

So you dress up really pretty, hair up, a dress that always made Han compliment you and to finish it off—the necklace he gave you on your 12th birthday.

You think this is it, this is the day you're going to tell him how much you love him and maybe, just maybe he will contemplate giving you a chance.

When he arrives at your shared apartment, with two cans of beer and fried chicken, you give him a cheerful greeting, setting the table and trying to gather courage to speak.

"So, how was practice?", you begin, maybe some small talk will help you relax.

"It was good, we are almost done with the album", he says, typing something on his phone. "How was your day?", he asks, putting the device on the table and looking at you.

"Good, I had class in the morning and tutoring in the afternoon", you take a sip of your beer, "one of the mothers actually recommended me to other parents and I'm gonna start tutoring more students next week"

He smiles, "that's good, you're really smart"

You blush, bringing the back of your hands to your face to try and lessen the hot skin of your cheeks with the cold of your hands.

"Actually, I want to talk to you", you start, it's now or never.

"Sure-", Jisung stops mid sentence when his phone buzzes. "Just a minute", he looks at the screen and smiles, your heart sinks at the sight. You know that smile too well, you have seen it dozens of times. You feel your insides turning over. It's the smile meant only for the person he likes.

"Hey, Lia. Yeah, totally, I can talk right now", he picks up the call and once again asks you for a minute lifting his index finger, he walks towards the balcony and closes the glass door after going through it.

He's laughing about something, is she even that funny or is he just trying to win her favor? She's pretty, you know it. All of his girlfriends looked like models. You sigh, looking at yourself and feeling awful, suddenly you don't feel pretty anymore, you actually feel ridiculous.

Why did you think things would change just because you got brave enough to speak up? Jisung sees you as a best friend and nothing more, you have to come to terms with that.

Your mind is rushing, thinking about what you're going to do now? Can you keep being friends with him? Yeah, of course, he's your best friend, you won't end your friendship because you can't control your feelings. But you'll need time, right? You won't be able to get over this unrequited love if you keep seeing him everyday, doing everything with him and sleeping in the same house.

"So, what do you want to talk about?", he asks, sitting again. You didn't even notice he had come back inside.

You sigh, you'll tell him about it all and then you'll find the strength in you to move on.

"I like you", you say so low you're not sure he heard you. But he did, he smiles and chuckles.

"I like you too, we're best friends for a reason", he stretches his arm to take a fried chicken.

"No, I like like you", you admit, hugging yourself, feeling cold suddenly, you look around and see Han left the door to the balcony open. "I've been in love with you since I can remember", you complete.

The look on his face would be funny if it wasn't tragic, his brows are furrowed in confusion and his eyes have a very familiar look: fear. Of course, he's afraid of losing his best friend, you already guessed that much.

"Y/N I-", you notice his breathing quickening. "I'm sorry, I never knew", he says, shoulders slumping, his arms dropping to the side of his body.

"Yeah, I know you didn't", you say. He's still staring at you with so much hurt in his eyes. Jisung knows he will have to turn you down and it's going to hurt him a lot, but not as much as it will hurt you and he never ever wanted to hurt you. 

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to say", he takes a deep breath, "I never thought about you in that way, I'm really sorry, I don't feel the same"

You're not going to cry, you decided that the moment you saw fear in his eyes. It's not his fault you like him, he can't fall in love with you just because you love him. You're not going to cry and make him feel worse than you can tell he's already feeling. But listening to those words it's worse than you could have expected, you feel like the world is crumbling around you.

"I know you don't", you smile sadly.

He looks more confused now.

"Then, why did you tell me?"

"It's just… I'm done with all this", you reply, getting up from your chair.

"Done with our friendship?" Han can feel all the air leaving his body while he waits for your answer.

You chuckle, fidgeting with your foot.

"No, I don't think I could ever be done with that", you smile trying to reassure him and he feels so relieved. "I can't keep doing this, I can't continue seeing you with other people and stay hurting alone"

"I can stop bringing people to the apartment and I'll never talk about them around you", he says trying to help and your stomach sinks a lot more. Why does he have to be so sweet?

"Actually, I'll need some time", you clear your throat, "I think I'm going to stay with Seungmin for the time being, he is looking for a roommate"

Han's eyes widen and he gets up, walking towards you.

"What are you talking about? Are you going to move out?"

"It's not something definitive, I'm going to stay there until he finds a new roommate and come back after that", you take a step back, noticing how close he is to you. "Luckily by then I'll be over you, I think I just need some personal space for now, where you're not there everytime I look, or your things aren't mixed with mine or your scent isn't around every room"

"Will you still speak to me?", he asks, he wants to hug you, to hold you in his arms and say how sorry he is for not feeling the same. But he knows he can't, the best thing he can do is to keep his distance from you right now.

"I think we should keep it restricted to apartment things for now, I'll keep paying my half of the rent since my things will still be here"

"You don't have to pay if you're not here"

Ever since Jisung started making good money he insisted that you didn't have to pay for rent since you only work part time as a tutor to pay for your living expenses but you always refused. Even though he earns a lot more than you it wouldn't be fair for him to be the only one paying and honestly, you felt that if he was the only one paying for it, you would feel too much like you were a couple.

"No, I'll pay you. This arrangement doesn't change the fact that we still share the apartment"

He nods, looking down, the awkward silence making you sick.

"I'm really sorry I hurt you", he whispers and all the crying you avoided over this whole conversation threatens to come out at that exact moment.

"It's not your fault", you say, "I'm sorry I made things awkward, just give me some time and we'll be back to how things were, okay?", you give him a reassuring smile even though you're not sure things will ever go back to the way it was.

You wake up feeling like shit, you cried your eyes out the moment you stepped into Seungmin's apartment. He was so sweet to you, staying awake until you calmed down and even offered you his room for you to sleep but you refused. He was already doing you a favor by letting you stay on his couch until he found a roommate.

You sit, stretching yourself, you slept pretty comfortably but all the stress from last night left your muscles sore.

"Are you feeling better?", you hear Seungmin's voice and look at the kitchen, he's making coffee. That reminds you of all the days you woke Han up with a nice and hot coffee so he wouldn't be in a bad mood waking up so early.

"I don't think so", you answer, shaking your head like that would make your thoughts disappear. "Can you get me some of that?", you ask and he smiles.

"Already on it", you start tidying up the blanket and the pillow you used.

"What are you going to do today?", Seungmin asks while you sit at the table.

"I have some tutoring to do and class in the afternoon, maybe I'll go shopping with Hannah later"

"That's good, try to keep yourself entertained at least for the next couple of days", he hands you the mug and you nod.

All your friends knew about your crush on Han and you made all of them swear they wouldn't tell him. You were afraid things would be awkward now, since Han was their friend before you met them, but they all showed you support now that you had confessed.

Hannah had offered you to stay with her, but she has a roommate that's really strict about everything in their apartment and you don't want to cause trouble to your friend by staying there. Luckily Seungmin's last roommate had moved a couple of weeks ago and he was looking for someone new, but by the way he's picky that's not going to happen so soon.

"Since I'll be staying here and you won't accept money because I won't be using a room, the groceries will be on me and I won't accept no for an answer", you say finishing your coffee and getting up. Seungmin sighs, rolling his eyes.

"I know you're going to buy it anyway, so I'll accept it"

"Then send me a list of whatever you need and I'll buy it tonight or tomorrow", you blow him a kiss, picking your bag from the floor and heading to the bathroom.

You take a long, hot, refreshing shower and pick some comfortable clothes to go to your tutoring session.

Seungmin's already gone when you go back to the kitchen, there's a message from him on your phone.

Minnie: I left some sliced fruit in the fridge for you, eat before going out.

Minnie: I'll send you the list later btw

You smile, having someone taking care of you is nice. For a second, it makes you forget the reason why you're there to begin with.

You feel like crying again, but you can't show up to your students house with red eyes and a puffy face.

The parents that are near each other usually ask you to teach their children together in longer sessions. That strengthens the bond the kids have while strengthening the connection between the families. That usually happens when the families are wealthy, they see an opportunity in their children's friendship to get on each other's good side.

Your parents started hanging out with Jisung's parents too, not because of connections but because you two were always in each other's houses. Once, you broke your arm falling from a tree you tried to climb following Han, his mother had to call yours and calm her down on the phone the entire time your mother was driving to the hospital to meet you. That day you got scolded by both and after they finished the lecture they looked at each other and smiled, bonding over the fear of something happening to their precious child.

When they went out to buy some coffee and talk, Jisung sat by the side of your hospital bed, lips pouting and tearing up.

"I'm sorry I dared you to follow me all the way up there", he says, taking the hand of your good arm and holding it.

"It's okay, now at least I have an exciting story to tell the others", you say and he smiles, whipping his eyes.

The noise of the gate opening wakes you up from your daydream, you have to stop thinking about Han if you want to get over him.

The kids come running in your direction the moment the housekeeper opens the door.

"Miss Y/N, look I got a 9.5 on my test", the girl smiles brightly showing you the paper with the grade marked in red.

"Woah, Misu, you're so smart, I don't think you even need me anymore", you bend to her height and she pouts, sometimes she acts like a little child when she's already 12.

"Of course I need you, you're the prettiest and smartest person I know", she says and you hear someone clear their throats by the stairs. It's Misu's mother.

"If I didn't agree with her I'd be hurt", she says and you smile.

"Good morning, Mrs. Kim, I only helped a little, Misu's really smart", you say and the girl shows you her white teeth, looking at her mother and waiting for some praise.

"Of course she is", she pats the girl's head. "Eun, aren't you going to say hi to Y/N?"

The boy is a few months younger than Misu but a lot more shy. You saw him coming with her when you arrived but got so engrossed in your conversation that forgot he was there in silence.

"Hello, miss Y/N", he says, polite as ever.

"Hi, Eun, did you get a good grade like Misu?"

He nods, showing you his test with 9.8 marked in red.

"He's smarter than me", Misu pouts.

"Congratulations, Eun", you say, patting his head, making him blush and you smile. "I think you are both really smart and I'm here to help you get even smarter"

Mrs. Kim tells you to go ahead and start the lesson and invites you to stay for lunch. You were pretty lucky with the parents you met till now, all of them were nice to you and cared a great deal about their children so it's a lighthearted job to do.

The kids are indeed smart, usually you don't have to explain the same thing more than twice and they always ask a lot of questions during your time with them.

A week goes by since you last saw Jisung, fortunately he didn't try contacting you. You're sure that if he did you'd break hearing his voice and would beg for him to like you back, giving up on any pride you still have left.

You arrive at school an hour before your classes begin, you're meeting Hannah at the cafe nearby so you can talk a bit.

You look at your phone, there's a message from her saying she's on the bus but the traffic is awful so she might be a little bit late.

You choose a table by the window, contemplating if you should order already or wait till Hannah arrives.

Looking outside, you remember the moment you heard the news that you got into this university. Yours and Jisung's family were at your parents house, you both were seated on the couch when you received the message saying the college entrance results came out. You couldn't type your information, you were trembling so much Han had to do it for you.

When you read your name and the word "accepted" you actually screamed, making your mother drop the plate she had in hands. Your father and Han's came running to see what happened when Jisung showed them the screen.

Your mother and father embraced you, telling how proud they were of you and Jisung's parents did the same, like you were their own daughter.

Jisung wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you up, spinning you and making you burst out laughing. That moment was so good, you wanted to stay there forever.

"Earth to Y/N", you hear Hanna's voice and snap out of your thoughts, sighing. "Is everything okay?", she asks, worried.

"Yeah, I'm good", you say and she narrows her eyes, knowing you are not telling the truth.

Hannah left it at that though, you are going through a hard time and she doesn't want to push it.

Honestly, she don't expect you to be fine. Your lifelong crush had rejected you and to make things worse he is your best friend, so yeah, of course you are not okay.

"Then, I'm going to order", she drops her bag in the seat in front of you, "your usual?"

You nod, seeing her walk to the cashier. You met Hannah three years ago, when you started college. She's the total opposite of you, really outgoing and a total social butterfly, it seems those are the people you attract seeing how Han is the same.

She sat by your side on the first day, making a random joke and making you laugh, that's how she became your best friend. You didn't even have to tell her about your one sided love, she had to see only one interaction between you and Jisung to know exactly what was going on.

She is the one that urged you to tell him about your feelings and was very adamant about you moving on from him, she couldn't let you waste all your 20's being in love with someone that didn't like you back… or not the way you wanted to.

"So, I heard about a party", Hannah says, putting the pager on the table and sitting in front of you.

"There's like a hundred of those, you have to be more specific", you joke and she rolls her eyes.

"You know that guy from English literature? The one that dyed his hair pink last semester?"

"Yeah, it's kinda hard to forget about him", you laugh.

When Yunho came to school with pink hair a rumor of him becoming an idol started going around, everyone tried to be nice to him and all that shit but it turned out he just lost a bet.

"He's hosting this party in like a really big fancy place to celebrate his graduation", she finishes.

"That's nice", you say, fidgeting with your fingers under the table.

"Hmmm, are we going to go or what?", she asks and you glance at her.

"Were we invited?"

"Ahm, you're hot and I'm hot, why wouldn't we be invited?"

You laugh, knowing what she's doing. Hannah is more sensible than you give her credit for, you really thought she would ask about everything that happened on that night, but instead she has been trying to distract you for the past week and that is really nice of her.

She smiles, seeing you smile. Hannah knows you never give enough credit to yourself, you never think you're pretty enough, funny enough, cool enough or smart enough even though you're those things and much more. She approached you on your first day because there's just something about you, something bright and cheerful. When people are upset, mad or sad you always do your best to make them feel better, so Hannah felt this was her time to cheer you up.

The pager buzzes on the table and she gets up, going to the counter to get your orders.

You look at her coming back with a big grin in her lips, handing you the coffee with a note glued to the cup sleeve.

"To the girl with the yellow cardigan, I see you coming here often and I think you're cute, maybe we can hangout sometime? If you're up to it, text me: xxx xxxx-xxxx"

You blush, looking at the counter and seeing the cutest guy looking at you with flushed cheeks. He's so red you can see it from where you're seated. He smiles waving at you and you wave back.

Hannah has one eyebrow lifted looking at your interaction and you feel your cheeks even hotter.

"So, are you going to text him?", she asks, reading the note and you sigh.

"I don't think so", you say, sipping at your coffee.

"Why not?"

"I don't think it would be fair to someone if I start something with them when I'm still in love with someone else", you answer and Hannah sighs.

"Yeah, you have a point", she pouts, "but like, maybe messing around a little won't hurt? I mean, he's not in love with you or anything, you can talk with each other and see where things go"

Hannah's right and you know it. Even though it's still too soon, you should try meeting new people, you're not going to get over Han just by staying away from him.

This feelings, you have it with you for so long, it's hard to let it go. Loving Han is the only romantic feeling you have ever known, it's scary to walk off of this thing you know so well  to something completely new.

You have to, though. It's the only way for your friendship to keep existing. So you nod to Hannah, taking your phone out of your pocket and dialing the number written on the cup, seconds later you're typing a message.

You: Hey, it's the girl in the yellow cardigan, my name is Y/N btw

You send and hear a ping, you thought he would have his phone on silent mode and sudden embarrassment creeps up when you see him taking his phone out of the pocket of his apron.

Cute guy: Hey, I was afraid of making you uncomfortable, so let me apologize first. I just didn't know how to approach you

Cute guy: Ah, and I'm Heeseung

You change the name in his contact before replying.

You: it didn't make me uncomfortable and thank you for calling me cute.

Heeseung: you don't have to thank me for telling the truth.

You giggle, it's interesting to feel like this, even though you can tell it's something temporary.

You: lol, you're really smooth.

"Let's go?", Hannah says, smirking at you and you blush. You nod, picking your things up and getting up from the table, you wave goodbye to Heeseung before going out and he smiles brightly at you.

>><<

The morning after you went away, Han woke up feeling awful, all the things that happened the previous night coming back at him at the same time. He was sure the moment you walked out of the door, giving him your best smile and trying not to cry was the saddest he ever felt in his entire life. You were his best friend, you were everything to him, he felt like shit because he never noticed your feelings. He doesn't know what he would have done if he knew, but maybe he could have been better, talking less about his relationships and especially not bringing his hook ups to the apartment.

He got up, feeling like crying everytime he had to pass by your bedroom door, knowing you were not there and wouldn't be for far too long, all because of him. The bell rings and he runs to the door, hoping it's you, hoping you'll tell him everything was a joke and that you didn't actually like him. Even though he knows you wouldn't press the doorbell since you know the password and he knows the hurt in your eyes when he said he didn't feel the same as you was no joke.

So it was no surprise when he opened the door and found Chan and Changbin there. They did tell him they were going to stop by in the morning to pick him up but with all the things that happened he just forgot about it.

"Are you okay? You look like shit", Changbin says entering the house.

Chan looks at Han, worried.

"Are you sick?", he asks, "where's Y/N?" He knows you wouldn't leave Han alone if he were sick, but you would have shown up already by hearing Changbin's loud voice.

"She's gone", Han says, running his hands through his hair.

"What do you mean?", Chan asks with wide eyes.

"She- she confessed to me and I turned her down", he says, maybe he should have told you he could like you back, that way he wouldn't be feeling this way and you'd still be there with him.

"Shit", Changbin says, his lips pressed in a thin line.

Han looks at the both of them, why don't they look surprised?

"You guys knew about it?" He asks, a little louder than his usual voice and the boys exchange a look. "Woah, thanks for the heads up"

He shouldn't be mad at them, it's not their fault, but he's already too mad at himself so he doesn't know where else to put the blame.

"It was not our place to tell you", Chan says.

"Does everyone know?", Han asks and Changbin nods, "so I was the only one? Am I dumb or something?"

Chan sighs, "it's not really your fault for not knowing, you probably are used to the way Y/N looks and talks to you because you're best friends since you were children, but to the people outside it is pretty clear from the get go that she likes you"

"But where did she go? Are you not friends anymore?", Changbin asks the difficult questions and Chan glares at him.

"She said she will be staying with Seungmin till he finds a roommate and then she's going to come back"

"She probably just needs some time", Chan says, putting a hand on Han's shoulder trying to reassure him, and he really hopes that's the case.

>><<

You've been texting Heeseung for a few days now and he's pretty nice, he's a dance major and works part time at the cafe to pay for living expenses the same as you do with tutoring.

Hannah had convinced you to go to Yunho's party and get wasted, saying you need the college life experience the most now that you had your first heartbreak but you don't want to think about that, you want to forget that you ever loved Han Jisung.

So you drink a whole bottle of wine before leaving for the party, Seungmin's coming with you and Hannah will meet you there. You are looking good, or maybe it's the alcohol that makes you feel good, your hair is down, you're wearing a black lace cropped top you borrowed from Hannah, with a much lower neckline than you are used to, high waisted jeans and black boots.

The party is already crowded when you and Seungmin get there and it's really a fancy place like Hannah told you.

"Let's grab a drink", you yell to Seungmin.

"You should drink water, you're already drunk", he demands and you show your tongue to him.

"Nooooo, don't be a killjoy"

He sighs, it's hard to convince you of something when you're sober, it's even harder when you're drunk.

"You can have a drink after you drink a cup of water", he tells you and you nod, sounds like a win win for you.

After drinking a whole cup of water you show it to him, waiting for a praise and Seungmin rolls his eyes. What are you, a 10 year old?

"Good job, now you can drink", he gives you a cup with something mixed in it, "but you have to drink some water for each drink you take, okay?"

"Okay, dad", you joke, sipping your drink.

Seungmin knows a lot of people at the party and you feel left out every time someone approaches him so you're really happy when Hannah shows up, with a much taller boy accompanying her.

"Look who I found", she says pointing at him.

"Heeseung?", you scream, startling Seungmin who's close to you.

"Jesus, Y/N, calm down", he says putting his hand over his ear, "I'm a singer, I can't lose my hearing", he says and you pout, whining an apology even though you know he's not really mad.

"I didn't know you were gonna be here", Heeseung gets closer to you, side eyeing Seungmin.

"I didn't want to come, Hannah made me", you tell him, "this is Seungmin, he's my friend"

He nods at the boy by your side, relaxing to hear you call Seungmin a friend.

"Hey, Minnie, let's go dance?", Hannah says and Seungmin narrows his eyes suspiciously.

"I don't dance", he answers, crossing his arms and she sighs.

"For fucking sake, just come with me", she says and Seungmin follows her without more questions, he knows too well not to mess with her when she gets angry.

"You look really pretty", Heeseung says, bending a little to lessen the difference in your height. You blush even though it's not as good hearing him saying that as it was when Han complimented you, but you're trying to get over that, aren't you?

"Thanks, you look hot too", you hiccup, you don't have a filter when you're drunk. He smiles, turning around on the table and pouring you a cup of water.

"Drink this, it's going to help", he hands it to you.

"Thank you, you're so sweet and handsome", you yell again but he doesn't flinch like Seungmin did.

"You can't keep saying these kinds of things and not want me to kiss you", he says and you smile, sly.

"Who says I don't want that?", the moment he comprehends what you just said his face reddens, and he thought he was being bold.

"Once you sober up we can talk about that", he tells you and you pout. You wanted to kiss him now, maybe if you did all the hurt you were feeling would go away. Maybe you just needed someone to make you forget about Jisung.

"But I want it now", you cross your arms, behaving like a child that didn't get their way.

"Do you like dancing?", he changes the subject. Your face brightens with his question.

"I LOVE dancing", you show him the choreography to queencard that's playing on the dance floor and he laughs at your messy steps, he's sure you're much better at it while sober.

"Then drink this and let's dance", he hands you another cup of water.

"Seungmin told me I could have a drink after a cup of water, but this makes two cups of water and no drink", you point out and Heeseung can't help but find the drunk you really cute.

"This water will help you so you won't have a bad hangover tomorrow", he says and you nod, that's a good point.

Super by seventeen starts playing and you finish downing the water, grabbing Heeseung's hand and dragging him to the dance floor.

Being a dance major, of course he knows the steps and he's so good there are moments you just stop and watch him in a daze. Actually, he knows the steps to every song playing after that too, you dance so much you're all sweaty and your legs are tired. You're totally sober now, feeling ecstatic. It's so good being at a party having so much fun.

You're jumping and smiling until you see him.

You stop in your tracks seeing Han Jisung staring at you from the other side of the dance floor, your smile fades away as soon as your eyes lock with his.

He looks sick, he lost a lot of weight considering the short period of time you haven't seen each other and he wasn't smiling like he always did. He takes a step in your direction and you automatically step away, your stomach sinking.

You're feeling your heart beat so fast it's overlapping with the loud music, you gulp feeling your legs weaken, why the hell are you having this reaction? He's the same Han Jisung you've known since you were a child, the only difference now is that he knows how you feel about him.

You can't avoid him until you get over your feelings, that won't work and you know it, you have to get used to being near him feeling nothing other than friendship, but you can't see him at that moment, you just can't. You're having fun, there's a handsome guy with you and you want to like him and not Jisung.

You grab Heeseung's hand and pull him away from the dance floor, walking outside so you can breathe some fresh air.

"Did something happen?", he asks, looking confused and worried.

"It just felt stiff in there for a moment", you say and he nods.

You didn't want to explain to him why you were not speaking to your best friend and how messed up your relationship with Han is right now. You want to forget about it and your way of doing it is right by your side, handsome and available.

"So, about that thing you said we could do once I sobered up… I'm sober now", you say and he blushes, analyzing you for a moment to see if you are telling the truth.

The last drink you took was more than an hour ago and you drank so much water after that, it's a miracle you still don't have to use the toilet.

"I don't want to do something you'll regret later", he says and you appreciate how considerate he is. But right now you don't want someone considerate, you want someone that'll sweep you off your feet and help you forget what you so desperately want to. So you get closer, caging him against the wall and tiptoeing, trying to get closer to his face.

"If you don't want to, it's okay. But if you're holding back because you think I'm drunk, I'm not", that was his cue to kiss you. His lips crashing sloppily onto yours, hands cupping your face then moving down to your waist. You wrap your arms around his neck trying to get closer than you already are. He's good, you've kissed enough people in your life to know that, yet you feel sick.

You feel bad and like a horrible person because you just know he can't compare to Jisung even though you never kissed your best friend.

You feel bad thinking about someone else while kissing Heeseung, he's so nice and sweet and you know he's not fooling around, if you give him the chance he's going to truly like you and you're only using him.

You step away sighing, seeing his brows furrowed and the confusion in his eyes.

"Was it that bad?", he jokes but you can see he's feeling hurt. "I'm not trying to brag, but I never got a reaction like that after a kiss"

You smile apologetically, looking for words to explain yourself.

"It was great and you're great", you begin, "I think you're too sweet, that's why I can't lead you on"

"What are you talking about?" he asks, even more confused.

"I'm in love with someone else and I know it sounds awful, I did try to get over him with you but I feel like you'll really like me if we don't stop right now and I'm not sure if I'll be able to be that person for you", you look at him, seeing the disappointment in his face. "I'm sorry, I'm a terrible person and you can hate me if you want"

He stares at you for a few moments, sighing and giving you a reassuring smile after.

"I don't think you're terrible, I think you're truly brave for coming clean like that", you're relieved, you were afraid he would say something mean and even though you feel like you deserve it, you're really fragile right now. "Thank you for telling me before I got too deep into this and I don't know, maybe we can be friends?"

"Absolutely, I would love that"

"So, do you want to go back inside?", he asks and you shake your head.

"I don't think so, I should probably go home", you say, you don't want to go back there to see Han again.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

"It's okay, I'm going to text Seungmin and see where he's at but you can go inside, I'm going to stay here and get some more fresh air"

"Alright, I'll see you at the cafe"

You nod, seeing him walk away. Woah, you just let that masterpiece of a man go because you can't forget about a fucking unrequited love. You curse yourself, slapping your forehead.

After that, you text Seungmin telling where you are and asking where the hell he and Hannah went, sending the same message to her and waiting for their answer.

You sit on the grass, taking a deep breath. You feel a bit sick after seeing Jisung, you never thought you'd feel that way. Never in your worst nightmares did you think you would be afraid to talk to him, maybe you're scared of talking to him and feeling nothing, what if all of this was just in your head and you just needed some time apart to figure it out?

You hear steps close to you and pray it's not some horny couple trying to fuck near you, however, the moment you lay eyes on your best friend you actually wish it was a horny couple.

You get up in a jump, your stomach sinking and your head spinning. Why does it hurt so much suddenly? It feels like your chest is being torn apart and you can't do a thing to make it better.

Jisung looks worse up close, he has huge bags under his eyes and he's too pale.

You're worried about him, even though you can't have the luxury of that. Not when your insides are all messed up and you want to throw up. You walk past him without saying a word, you can't handle this right now, but he grabs your wrist holding you in place. You don't look at him, staring at the floor trying to get out of his grip.

"I miss you", he says and your heart drops to your stomach. Why is he doing this to you? It's not like being apart from your best friend is fun to you. "Can't you look at me?", he pleads but you can't find the courage to do that yet. "Please", but he sounds so desperate, you force yourself to do it.

You look at him, he's obviously drunk. Who the hell let him drink this much?

"What is it?", you sound more spiteful than you were planning and his eyes widen, releasing your arm from his grasp.

"Do you hate me now?", he asks and you sigh.

"Of course I don't hate you, you're my best friend", you say that but for some reason it doesn't feel right, it doesn't sound like the truth.

"Can't you come back home? I feel like shit everytime I wake up and you're not there"

"I told you I need time", you say, running your hands through your hair.

"Are you going to forget about me by fucking some random dude?", he asks and you glare at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I don't understand how that's any of your business"

"It is, because you told me you love me but you act like you never want to see my face again", he scoffs.

You feel mad, what's he trying to say? Should you keep hurting just because you love him?

"I can't sit around forever, waiting for you to look at me", you say and he steps closer to you.

"I'm looking at you right now, I- I'll be good to you, I'll like you back", the moment he finishes saying that, you can't control the tears running through your eyes.

Is that supposed to be good? He would be forced to date you so he could have you close to him?

"Why are you doing this to me?" You ask and he takes a step back startled with you tears, suddenly sobering up, "it's not easy for me to be away from you, you're my best friend, but I do have some bit of dignity left in me and I won't accept less than I deserve, even if that less is the man I love with me", you wipe your tears seeing him step closer, trying to reach your hand and you step away, "don't come close to me right now, I could never stay with you knowing you don't love me, you should know that"

You turn around trying to get away from him but stop on your tracks seeing Hannah, Seungmin, Chan and Changbin right there looking at you awkwardly. Of course, the humiliation is the cherry on the top. You pass through them feeling so embarrassed you want the earth to swallow you.

The ride home is awkward and silent. Hannah and Seungmin keep exchanging looks while you look out the window trying to figure how your life became this mess.

You really should have dated Jeongho when he asked you out in middle school, it was around that time that you realized you liked Han more than just a friend—when Haneul asked to be his date to the school festival and you wanted to punch her so hard. Maybe if you had dated that boy at that time you would have forgotten the feelings you had for your friend, maybe you would have brushed it off as some childhood crush, but no, you rejected Jeongho while Han went with Haneul to the school festival and you third wheeled the whole event earning nasty glances from her every time your best friend played two times the same game so he could win you a plush too.

Back then you still thought everything would be okay, if only you had him everything would be okay.

You start bawling without notice, crying so much you can't even breathe. Seungmin stops the car and Hannah gets to the back, hugging you and caressing your hair while whispering that everything will be fine and you really want to believe her.

You don't know how you got into Seungmin's apartment, you guess he carried you inside after dropping Hannah home but you're not sure. It's sunday so he's not up yet for you to ask and it doesn't actually matter, what matters is the absolutely pathetic scene you made at the party and in the car. You want to bury yourself into a hole and never come back, how the hell are you going to face your friends after they saw you being humiliated by Han like that?

You know he was drunk, of course he was. You know he didn't mean it, he was hurt and drunk and people act on feelings not reason when they are like that. But does he think you have no pride? Does he really think you would date him knowing he doesn't like you back?

It's different when you confessed to him, you knew he didn't like you that way. But if he told you that there was something there, that he was not going to promise you anything but someday he may like you back, that's all you needed to hear. However, that didn't happen. He told you with all the words that he doesn't like that way, that he doesn't feel the same way as you do, there was no room for interpretation, no room for what if's.

You get up, in need to distract yourself. This week is going to fly by, you have tutoring lessons using up all your free time so you just have to get through the day.

There are a lot of messages on your phone, you really don't want to read them because you know that other than Hannah's, it's awkward comforting words from your other friends.

Hannah: call me when you wake up

Hannah: let's go eat something delicious, what do you think? It's on me.

Hannah: are you still not up or are you ignoring me?

You: I just woke up, calm down girl

You: why would I ignore you though? I just have to brush my teeth and eat something then I'll call you.

Binnie: morning babes

Binnie: Hannie is such an asshole

Binnie: I'll date you if you want, you're hot it's a win win for me

You chuckle to Changbin texts, he's so sweet in the weirdest way.

You: I mean, you're hot too

You: I think we'd make an awesome couple

Chan: good morning, Y/N

Chan: we didn't hear anything last night, so please, don't be awkward or embarrassed around us.

You: good morning Channie, I know you heard

You: you should have matched your story with Changbin before texting me though

You: it's okay, alright? Of course I'll be embarrassed for the time being, but we're friends I won't be embarrassed forever.

You leave your phone on the couch and go to the bathroom. You look like shit, smeared makeup, hair disgusting and you're still wearing the same clothes. You turn on the hot water, taking your clothes off and entering the shower, the warmth embracing you as you feel more relaxed.

You put on something comfortable, it's Sunday, you're going to ask Hannah to come by and you're going to order takeout.

You call her number while eating because you know she's anxious.

"Hey babes, good morning", she picks up, cheerful as always.

"Good morning", you say, biting the toast you just made.

"So, what about going out and eating something really good?", she asks.

"Hm, I'm actually not in the mood to go out? Can't you come by, we order something and watch that movie you've been bugging me for the last month?"

"Yeah, sure. We can do that", she answers and you are happy she doesn't sound upset or disappointed. With all the shit you're pulling lately you're scared your friends are going to get tired of your bullshit and stop talking to you. You used to think no one wanted a friend that's always crying and whining, but they showed you that real friends help each other.

"So what time are you gonna come?"

"I will just take a shower and wait for the bus, so in maybe like an hour?", she guesses and you nod forgetting she can't see you.

"Okay, see you then"

You decide to clean the house while waiting, Seungmin is pretty organized and clean so there's nothing too difficult. You'll just wash the dishes and vacuum a little.

Hannah arrives later than she predicted, Seungmin is already up and cleaning his room. He scolded you because it's his day to do the dishes and you shouldn't have done it because it's not fair to you.

You think he's being extra nice to you because of what happened the night before and it's true, he was really scared when you cried in his car.

He has known you for almost five years and he never saw you cry like that, even on the night you came to his house after confessing to Han you didn't cry like that. This time was different, you had a soul crushing cry, he wanted to stop the car and go to the back to hug you the same as Hannah, but he knew you were already being comforted by the perfect person.

Han is his friend, he could never choose between you two. But he couldn't deny it, that was a dick move, how could he ever say that to someone that likes him? He basically told you that he could pretend to like you if you stayed with him.

And of course, Seungmin understands the fear of losing a friend, but doing what he did just increases the chances of you never wanting to see his face again.

You are seated on the couch, watching the movie Hannah is obsessed with at the moment. She already watched it five times alone and asks anyone she can find to watch it again with her, she even repeats some sentences together with the characters.

The pizza you ordered is almost gone, you didn't know you were so hungry until the smell hit your nose. Luckily or thanks to Seungmin and Heeseung, your hangover is not that bad and you want it to stay that way so you keep drinking lots of water.

You got through the day thanks to your friends, they kept you entertained the whole time so you wouldn't overthink or even think about Han.

You are doing that just now, looking at the ceiling in the dark room. You want it all to be a dream, maybe you would wake up tomorrow and still be in middle school, you'd take the opportunity and get over him at that time, that would have spared you of some big problems.

----------------

A/N: So, I don't know how many parts this fic will have. If you like what I write please reblog or let me know in the comments, feedback give me motivation to keep writing.

[girls--complex]

I just came upon your blog and it's given me Lots of Thoughts, even though I don't particularly believe in any God (that is to say, I think there might be something more out there, though I don't think it's God as it's portrayed by any religion and I need some sort of tangible evidence before I can confirm or deny that something like that exists. All that to say I'm agnostic lol), but I do think you have some very good points about a lot of things.

I find it kinda hard to understand some of the things you write since you use a lot of long and complicated words that aren't in my vocabulary since English isn't my first language and I've never left my home country, but I'm doing my best! (With the help of an online dictionary)

Either way, I really love your art and I'm taking some inspiration from your style to practice, if that's okay with you! I just really like how flowy, creative and loose it is and I really need to loosen up a bit about making things instead of constantly adding more detail and perfecting it until I lose interest because it becomes stressful instead of enjoyable to create something.

I also wanted to ask, since according to your comics you've done shrooms before, how would you recommend going about shrooms to someone who's not used to doing much of any substance? (I barely drink alcohol and I smoke weed so rarely every time I do it I end up extremely disoriented until I manage to calm down no matter how little I smoke).

I'm asking cause a friend of mine whom I've known for years recently told me they have some, and that he'd be willing to share them with me, and I'm curious about trying them out and seeing if I can learn something from that experience, but I wanna stay safe while making the most of it :3

Hi thank you for a long & thoughtful message

YOU ARE ALWAYS ALLOWED TO COPY OR "STEAL" OR WHAT EVER FROM MY DRAWINGS seriously this is so normal and allowed. I do this with other cartoonists and all the cartoonists I know also do this. We do it to each other. "I like how she draws eyes" or whatever and we absorb it into our own style. Or just copying drawings/ paintings/pages. This is good. Do it.

Thank you for taking the time to decipher my words. I know I use lots of large/obscure words N trying to get better at making me language accessible (& maybe use my beloved obscure words in enough context that a reader can figure out the meaning).

I think using psychedelics is something better to talk about with people who know U in person and can respond to your needs and goals. Maybe your friend can give some guidance or knows someone who has a shamanic streak that can. Or you can always go on erowid or reddit whatever kids are using now to do a lil research.

I don't really feel comfortable giving specific advice or even general advice that might color the experience in a certain way, hope u understand...

Thank u for saying Hi

[thewertsearch]

GG: you said you are asking me permission first and i appreciate that GG: but if you are asking im afraid my answer is no! AT: oKAY, i RESPECT THAT, AT: bUT, i WONDER, GG: what? AT: i WONDER IF A TRULY SELF CONFIDENT GUY, wITH THE BEST SELF ESTEEM THERE IS, wOULD EVEN NEED TO ASK, AT: mAYBE THE BEST GUY WOULD JUST KNOW HE WOULD BE SUCCESSFUL, aND WOULD DO IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, aND EVERYONE ELSE'S,

I don't think Tavros is just emulating Vriska here. This is a very Alternian mindset, and it's one we've seen before.

Alternia is, after all, an empire. It's a society whose idea of success is inexorably tied to violence and domination - so if you're trying to be a better troll, you'll probably gravitate to both, even if you don't realize it.

It's not really about your personality, either. Karkat is, by all accounts, one of the more moral trolls in the party - but as we've seen above, even he's got those imperial instincts. This sort of thing is insidious, and once it worms its way into your brain, it can be hard to shake.

Tavros is a very straightforward example. He's finally gained some 'confidence' - and what's his first impulse?

To seize a useful resource from an alien, and use it against her will.

GG: that would be smug and arrogant and would make you a bully!!! [...] AT: yOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT ALL THAT, i'LL RESPECT YOUR WISHES, AT: oR, AT: wILL i? };) GG: nooooooooo dont dont dont dont dont GG: im serious GG: uuuuggghh i think my headache is coming back AT: i WAS jUST, AT: mAKING A JOKE, AT: sORRY, }:(

This dude cannot read a room. Truly, the anti-Terezi.

Oh, leave off.

AG: Next time you decide to open your heart to an alien girl…….. AG: Make sure her chat client isn't 8eing holographically projected for all to see, ok?

This exploit should apply to chat clients of any size, provided the screen is visible. Maybe John's Pesterchum Glasses were a better investment than I thought.

AG: Jade let you down too easy. She's too nice! Someone's got to tear into you for that appalling display, and once again, guess who's shoulders that falls on? AG: That's right. Vriska's, as usual.

Tavros probably does need someone to explain what he did wrong, but it should be anyone but Vriska. This is obviously just going to be more bullying, and no actual advice.

AT: i THINK SHE HAS THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF NICENESS, pERSONALLY, AT: aN AMOUNT THAT IS SOME, iNSTEAD OF, AT: nONE,

Showing backbone against Vriska, eh? Finally, a constructive use for all that confidence.

Progress is progress, even when it's just a minor clapback.

AG: Hey, I'm nice when it matters, [...]

Nope, I'm calling Vriska's bluff. What nice things has she done so far, exactly?

Sure, she made Tavros the rocket chair, but only after mercilessly tormenting him for his physical condition, which she caused.

Plus, this wasn't even a real apology gift. She kept bullying him after that, and is literally doing so as we speak.

I guess she also made Aradia's soulbot, as an 'apology' for murdering her with her own boyfriend. To be precise, she had Equius make it, with horrific results that she should probably have seen coming.

She also thought that it would be 'nice' to tell Terezi that her blindness 'wasn't that bad'. This conversation was kind of complicated, though, and I'm not sure what her actual intention was.

Anyway, it's pretty clear that Vriska doesn't really grok what 'nice' means. She gives Tavros a rocket chair, continues to torment him, and doesn't understand the contradiction, because she doesn't think his feelings actually matter.

[...] and where it doesn't strangul8te the critical development of people I give a shit a8out, ok?

"After all, no one was ever nice to ME, and look how gr8 I turned out! When you think about it, it's actually a GOOD thing that no one ever showed me kindness! It made me strong! Don't you want to 8e stroooooooong, Pupa? ::::D"

I'm reminded of this exchange from Hivebent. Kanaya recommends that Vriska practice some basic self-care, and Vriska completely flies off the handle, furious at the mere suggestion that she should be kind to herself.

Vriska thinks kindness will harm her. She refuses to accept it, and avoids showing it to anyone, which makes her remarkably consistent in her cruelty. I'm willing to bet that there's nothing she's said to Tavros that she hasn't already said to herself.

[love-toxin]

what about a fruity 4 x a plush size angelface?

muahahahaha!!!! i cannot be contained!!!!

(cws: f!plus size!angelface, fruity four, a lil size insecurity, the spice™️, breeding, facesitting, tribbing, fluff and smut.)

more of you to love! but for real though, you'll have a group of vultures to contend with. sometimes you wonder if there's anything that goes through Steve and Robin's heads other than ass ass boobs thighs tits ass. Eddie is at least a little more cultured about it, has a little more finesse--he often hits you with the "where'd a sexy, curvy girl like you come from, huh sweetheart? did heaven decide to bless me with an angel today?" rather than just ogling you like a hound (although he definitely does do some ogling). and Nancy's usually rolling her eyes at their antics, choosing instead to ensure you get enough compliments on your personality rather than just your figure. she doesn't wanna be lumped in with the rest of those little pervs you call your partners--although to say she doesn't enjoy the way you fit in some of the clothes she buys you is an understatement at least.

aside from the obvious physical attraction, though, they absolutely adore you as a person, and despite their love for you they aren't ignorant to your own insecurities and the ones that people like to push on you. they're like a group of guard dogs--always looking out for you and getting a kick out of being your protectors. you can be sure any hurtful comments will be met with proper retaliation, whether it's malicious or just ignorant. that includes family members too! Eddie's especially not afraid to make an enemy of any grammas or aunties or parents or snot-nosed siblings, if they start spewing a load of shit about his precious angel.

Steve and Robin were the first ones to really fall for you, the two of them looking forward to your visits to Family Video, when they would both try their best to appeal to you and quietly squabble between themselves as soon as you had left. Robin would argue that they should recommend a romance movie next time you're in, while Steve wants a very specific action-comedy with a dashing protagonist that he swears looks just like him. but those disagreements go from relatively benign chatter to something deeper very quickly, heading towards conversations like "do you think she likes girls?" and "maybe we could ask her out" and the ever-popular "god, if she thinks we're freaks, I'll have to find a new job and hide in a cave forever."

once your presence was made known to Eddie and Nancy, though, and they made a point to show up at the video store when the others knew you'd be there so they could meet you, it was practically love at first sight. you smile as soon as you see them, you know their names because you're such a good listener even when Robin's rambling off-topic, and you're so friendly and nice, you don't even flinch at standing face-to-face with Hawkin's most notorious freak. you compliment his jacket, tell Nancy she's even prettier than the other two described her, and they're just hooked. they watch you duck into the aisle to grab a new tape with Robin on your heels to give you recommendations, and the three of them bow their heads together to whisper amongst themselves. making plans, hopeful that they can snatch you up and make you theirs--because you deserve to be treated so well, and they want to be the ones to do that spoiling more than anything else.

you'd count yourself lucky that they tried so hard and didn't give up the fight to make you theirs, but honestly they wouldn't have ceased unless and until you made it clear you didn't want them at all. and you're so gentle and cuddly and sweet that they just couldn't not fall for you, you're such a babygirl and they spend so much time vying for your attention, sometimes you wonder whether you've got some kind of hormone radiating off of you that makes them stick to you like glue. which, of course, also translates to the intimate parts of your collective relationship.

Eddie's biggest love for you is your tummy rolls, god, the tummy rolls. so fucking cute when you bend over, when he can see them through your clothes or he gets a peek underneath if your shirt's especially baggy--and even cuter when he's bending your legs back and folding you in half, his hips meeting yours and nearly crushing you as his mind whites out with pleasure. if not for his promise to pull out, he'd probably forget, but it's almost better than cumming inside you when he pulls out and shoots his load off all over your belly, soft skin jerking as the heat splatters all over it and you sigh with pleasured relief at the feeling. absolutely glorious every single time, it never gets old.

Steve's heavily preoccupied with the thought of "dear god, that's a belly I wanna put a baby into." more often than not. whether you want to or not, or whether you can or not, it's not like that desire rests entirely on actually producing a baby--he just loves the thought of it, loves the idea of pressing you down into his bed and breeding you, of feeling your soft rolls against his fuzzy chest and thighs as he pounds you til your eyes roll back while folding you in a mating press. and when he's done there, he'll flip you over and do it all again from behind, your hair tugged back in his fist and your ass rippling with every hard thrust as he feels those words "I love you" bubbling up in his throat the closer he gets to spilling himself inside you again.

Robin just wants you to sit on her face, sit on her face please god just let her suffocate underneath you--no, there's no weight limit, and there's no need to worry about hurting her because she promises you'll have a way to communicate without using her words. when you do end up shyly straddling her head, folds all puffy and glistening from Robin dragging her fingers through them, she's sure there's never been a moment in her life she's been more overcome with anticipation. and when she finally pulls your hips down and hears that squeaky "ah!" when her tongue meets your slit, her life is pretty much complete as she goes to work on licking you out until you've totally drenched her just like she wanted.

Nancy has very specific tastes, herself. obviously she also wants a chance at being smothered between those legs, but she's also got other motivations--primarily the thought of laying you down and riding those beautiful hips into ecstasy, each of your clits grinding up against each other so she can watch that pretty face twist up in pleasured agony as she drags out your orgasms. she loves the feeling of your chubby thighs pressing against her on either side, the soft jiggle of your tits and your tummy as she rides you, it just highlights all your best features and makes it so easy to watch you cum when you can't take any more. and, of course, seeing you pout and whine when she denies you your end, getting you so close to cumming and making you so wet only to sit back and listen to you beg for her to finish. it's just perfection.

and regardless of what they love about you intimately, they love you so much more. they love your smile and your sweetness and your attitude, they melt when you're nice to them and end up kissing you when you're annoyed, because you're just too pretty to resist. you can get whatever you want if you ever dare to ask and you can calm them down when they're upset so easily. even if they're angry at you, you can just yank up your top and flash them and suddenly whatever they were mad about they just magically forget. they love to see you have confidence, but they're not disappointed or annoyed when it comes time to reassure you--they like to do it! because it's an opportunity for them to run through all the things they love about you and remind you that you're theirs, you're theirs and you're loved and it doesn't matter what anyone else says about them or you. if you love yourself, that's awesome, and if you don't like the way you look, that's okay, too. that means they just get a little extra challenge to make you believe it, and they'll be damned if they lose that battle.

[hillbillyoracle]

What Made My Life Better in 2023

One of the things I'm thinking about a lot as I get ready for 2024 is what actually made an impact for me in the last year. It was interesting to think through because it was neither what I expected nor what I had always heard would help me. Instead it was often small changes that stacked into something much more helpful and interesting when put together.

I wanted to share them in case it's helpful for anyone else.

#1 - Adaptive Cleaning

While I still use elements of other cleaning systems, the base of what I do is firmly rooted in Sarah McGlory's Adaptive Cleaning ideas. I started implementing it about halfway through the year in earnest, though I stumbled upon it a year or two ago, and it's made a huge difference. This is the cleanest my space has ever been and the fewest flares I've ever had and I genuinely do credit her ideas for being a big reason for that.

#2 - My Care Kit

About halfway through the year I also threw together this care kit that I keep by my bed. It has everything I need to do my skincare, brush my teeth, and do my makeup - all without leaving my bed. While I've felt embarrassed at just how much it's done for me, I think it's a great example of "do what works." I just don't like get up once I've sat down for the evening. And it's easier to get up if I already have all that stuff done. Not only have I kept up with skincare and other habits probably the best out of any point in my life, but the mood and self esteem boost it gives me has allowed me to do more of what I want in other areas too.

#3 - 750 Words

I start using 750 Words on a whim. I had liked doing morning pages but could never really keep up with them, especially on days when I was really struggling with my hands. I wound up really taking to it and have only missed a few days since I started in November. I wound up paying for a year of it because I'm that certain of it's benefit. I've written way more for my zines, my mental health is a little better, and it serves as an anchor habit for several others. I love the simplicity of it. I can usually crank out my freewrite for the day in about 10 minutes - I like 10 minutes being my new minimum versus the zero it was.

#4 - Laundry Day

This might seem obvious or silly to you but as someone who has tried a lot of cleaning routines, I was so used to the a load a day rule that I never questioned it. That is until I read Dana K. White's book How To Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind. She talks about her laundry system and it just completely changed my perspective. Laundry day has given me so much of my time back and I more regularly do more of our laundry. I'm sure other people were aware this was an option but I guess I needed someone to tell me.

#5 - Connecting with a Sangha

I'd been putting off connecting with a Sangha for a while. I knew I wasn't going to be in a place to go in person (I'm about an hour and a half any moderate sized city) and only meeting online felt like a pale imitation. But I was wrong. I got connected with the Furnace Mountain Zen Center based here in Kentucky and started attending more of their weekday meditation sessions and at home day retreats as I was able. It really deepened my practice and has remained a touchstone to return back to when I got through times life pulls me away. I wish I would have done it sooner. If you're Buddhist leaning in any way, I really recommend finding a Sangha - even if it's online.

I hope this sparks some ideas for other people. None of the "productivity" stuff I tried this year "worked" in the sense of sticking or allowing me to do more. The closest was probably pomodoros on a visual timer, which are genuinely helpful. But mostly it was acts of nurturance, curiosity, and care that really elevated my life this year.

May 2024 be even better!

[thetopichot]

•° The Middle Ground °•

☆ Chapter 1 ☆

*Runs on all fours* Hi SHIT I've been still working on this. Writer's block is a bitch. Anyway, *Throws this at you* enjoy. Also sorry if the food is little burnt, I wanted to pushed this out before the end of the month. *Runs away*

Word Count: 2.1k words

After the calamity that happened in the shop, you both went on that fall evening picnic date that you both planned awhile back. Finn absolutely adored fall since it's when he gets more inspired to cook his little pumpkin breads, more tea recipes, & he starts to get into his little hibernation phase which you always find adorable. You guys deserved it after a bit of a long day but with the questions that you still had in mind, might make it get even longer. You both prepared your little fall picnic under the park's willow tree with your checkered picnic blanket & a basket. You both laid back onto the blanket & began to gaze at the stars.

Finn sighed & fidgeted with his fingers as he stared at the stars in the sky. "Today has been a long day, hasn't it?" Finn broke the silence.

"Yeah it has." You answered awkwardly. You still felt bad about the situation that happened earlier today. "Hey, Finn?" Finn hummed in response.

"I'm sorry for what happened during the shop today. The dude...um damn. What was his name again, babe?" 

"Auron, darling."

"Yeah, Auron! That asshole really pissed me off." Well, apparently he pissed you off so much that you legit forgot about his name. "He is such a snobby prick & the way he treated you is just UGH. He treated you like you were just a damn peasant or like-"

"I was just there for one purpose?" Finn sat up on the blanket & curled his legs up. His face was exhausted, but he still had his soft smile. "Yeah, I know." You frowned at his voice. "You eventually get used to it when you work in service jobs. Your whole thing is just being a punching bag for people."

You sat up & leaned closer to Finn. "You have to deal with insults about almost everything. Like no matter what you do, it's always wrong. Then, eventually, you get used to the disrespect that is given, even though you always give them the respect that everyone deserves."

"That's just how service works. You deal with verbal abuse almost every day, but in the end, if you do anything about it, you're always in the wrong." Finn laid his head on top of his knees. "So I don't really care about what he said to me. It was just business." You rubbed his back.

"Finn. No one has the right to treat you like that. I don't care if they're a customer, friend, or family, no one should treat you like that ever. Period." You gently held his face in your palm & turned him to look at you. "Has Auron always treated you like that?"

Finn chuckled softly. "No. Not at all, actually." You were confused by the answer since that didn't really add up. "He actually treats me with the upmost respect. He enjoys hearing my flower facts. I just don't know why he acted out like that today."

"In a mood or not, he's still an asshole for saying that to you." You sighed. "Finn, you have to give yourself more self-respect. You're more than just a worker. You're a person." Then the long silence between you two began.

However, it wasn't really those long awkward silences. It was a silence of both thought & comfort. It was silence that was needed. As the silence went on, he stared at the black card that had been left by Auron earlier. The white font practically glowed in the moonlight. 

Why would he leave his card here? It was pretty obvious that Finn wouldn't be interested in getting a job since he already had one. Maybe you could call this number?

"Finn." He turned to look at you. You showed him the black card that you kept on you. "Let's call this number." He raised a eyebrow.

"Why?" He squinted to read the card. "Don't you already have a job already?" He paused to think. "Unless you're trying to juggle 3 jobs? Which I don't really recommend you doing. I tried to when I was helping my dad when it was his flower shop."

You shaked your head. "No? Maybe this might be his number?" Finn got even more confused.

"I doubt that, darling. That phone number could just lead to some operator at the end of the line & it's like what? 9 pm & it's a Sunday. Almost everything is closed right now!" Finn asserted.

"Hmmmm." You thought naught about the consequences & decided. "Yeah, I'm going to do it." Finn exhaled as there wasn't much he could do. "& maybe.." You added. "You could cuss him out for the way he treated you."

Finn was taken aback. "What? No! Why would I do that? That's just being plain petty."

"Being petty never really hurts, ya know." You said with a devilish grin, but it was soon shot down by Finn's 'Come on, now' look. "Or maybe just a little bit?"

"Darling, no. That conversation that happened earlier is done. We should just forget what happened & just accept the situation like the bending willows." You frowned.

"Well, alright." You put the phone down. "But I'm just saying it would be a good idea to call this number. I don't think he gave it to you for no reason." Finn considered that thought. 

"Hand me the card, please." You did as he asked you. You handed the black card & Finn took a gander at it. Maybe you were right about calling the number. He grabbed his phone from his pocket & you smiled at him.

"So, you're going to call the card?" 

"Yes, but I'm not going to do anything petty." He said sternly, but that sternness soon turned into dread. "But what do I say though? I don't think I've talked to a customer outside of work."

"A-HEM." You coughed loudly.

"I mean besides you, plus when we went somewhere to have a conversation, we never really talked on the phone about it beforehand." That gave you an idea.

"You should invite him for some tea, then."

"What?"

"Yeah, invite him for some tea! Like you did with me." Finn laid back down on the blanket awkwardly as he groaned. "Come on, babe. I doubt it's going to be that bad. Well, if you cut out the tea spilling thing then yeah everything is going to be fine." His phone covered his face as he just felt the weirdness of talking to him.

You laid sideways next to Finn. "But if he treats you like shit again, I will kick his ass for real this time."

"That doesn't really help, dearest." 

"Listen, I'm just saying & to be honest, I might kick his ass anyway because he's a dick."

"You JUST met him today."

"Okay &? I'm about to throw hands the next time I see him." Finn groaned even louder as he turned to the side. You rubbed the side of his waist. "But you should still go talk to him. You have the card in your hands." Finn took one quick look at the black card again.

Finn finally gave in. "Fine, but I will not be a happy camper if it either goes to voicemail or it's just a operator on the line." You smiled. Finn dials the number on his phone, '717-XXX-XXXX'. His phone vibrates for about 3 seconds. Then 4. Now 5.

The phone picks up & Finn puts it on speaker.

"Welcome to the Talent Agency. How may I help you today?"

It wasn't his voice, sadly. It was a feminine voice on the line. It wasn't high-pitched, but it was a rich voice with a hint of gentleness.

Finn could've hung up from there since it wasn't the result that anyone was hoping for, but for some reason, something in him possessed him. A voice told him to continue the call.

"May I speak with Auron?" The lady on the line went silent but you could both hear typing, so there was some hope left.

"Who am I speaking with?" The lady sounded suspicious towards Finn as the sounds of typing stopped, but to be fair, you wouldn't send some randos to your boss. It would be a waste of time & annoying.

"Finn. From Talk Floral...?" Finn's response sounded worried. Like if you were dialing some random code in & praying that it would work. Finn cheesed so awkwardly & squinted his eyes like he was prepared to be slapped in the face with disappointment.

"Oh! Finn? Sorry, dear. I didn't recognize you. It is late after all." Your eyes both widened at the lady's response. Finn recognized the voice better, but you were even more confused than before.

"How many people do you know?" You mouthed quietly.

"A lot. It's been awhile." He mouthed back quietly. "Heyyyyy, Trish! It's been awhile, huh?"

"It sure has been, honey. I'm assuming he gave you the company card?" He both looked at the black card & some things were kinda starting to add up but at the same time, more questions than answers here.

"Yes & I was also wondering if I could go to Auron?" Finn asked.

"I would, but he's out of the office. He doesn't stay for long."

"Then why are you still at the office if he's gone?"

"I don't slack, you know. I'm just finishing up some leftover memos & emails that need to be sent tomorrow. However, it is nice to hear from you, Finn. Always been a joy to talk to!" He smiled at that compliment & looked at you.

"The teaaaaaaaa dateeeeee." You whispered.

"O-Oh! Um, is it possible to set up an appointment with him? Sometimeee?"

"Yeah, I can schedule that, but I have to let him know first. Can't be setting up blind dates as funny as that would be." Finn's face flushed.

"NONONONO IT'S NOT A DATE-" Trish chuckled on the other line.

"Jesus, ya sound like him. 'It's not a date, it's a business trip.'" She mocked Auron's voice. "But yeah, don't worry I'm just messing with you." Finn sighed loudly as he just laid down onto the blanket in exhaustion. "Don't worry, dear. I can try, key word: try honey, to see if he's willing to join you. Can't make any promises to you."

"If he does say yes & that's a big if, when & where will it be?"

"There's a little local tea shop that a good family friend of mine owns. It's called Hattie's & it's just right around the square. Maybe he can come by around like 12? That's when the shop closes for the day, since it's a Sunday." The sound of typing resumes from the other side of the call.

"Well, I'll let him know that you want to see him."

"Thank you so very much, Trish."

"Anytime, dear. Bye-bye." The call hung up. Finn puts his phone down on the blanket & just stares at the stars.

"That went well, didn't it?"

"nO." Finn's voice cracked. 

"Come on, Finn. Are you worried that he might want to see you again?"

"YES."

"Maybe, & hear me out with this one, I come with you." Finn sat back up. Jesus, Finn is doing some goddamn sit-ups in this chapter, goddamn.

"With what happened today, no. I don't want you to cause a scene again & you just said earlier that you wanted to kick his ass."

"Still do."

"See?!" He groaned. "I just want it to go right & just not screw up this time."

"& you won't. I believe it's going to go well but if anything goes wrong, I'm always here for you alright?" Finn just nodded & you put your hand on his shoulder. "How about we enjoy the rest of this night, hmm?" You both layed down on the blanket. Y'all be getting abs after this.

"Hey, Finn. One more question for you. It's about Auron." Finn hummed a 'Yes.' "How long have you known him for?"

"I've known him for a while, but around 2 years sounds to be specific. I would say we've been, um acquainted."

"For two years of knowing each other, it doesn't seem like it." You quirked a eyebrow. "I don't buy that, Finn."

"But it's true!"

"Is it true? Or are you scared to just establish something between you two?" Finn hid his neck. He didn't have to say a thing to answer that question. His body language alone was enough. The rest was just an awkward silence as he was afraid to answer the truth about himself.

Nothing else needed to be said for it just unveiled itself.

He was alright with admitting mistakes, but when it comes to the truth about himself? He's scared of looking towards his own reflection. You both spent the rest of the date within silence but within that silence, you comforted him with your touch.

☆ミ Author's Notes Underneath 👇 ☆ミ

🩷 - Ngl did not know how to end this chapter so I'm sorry if the ending to this kinda sucks. I'll work on how to end chapters better or even how to write chapters better. The other reason is that I keep ignoring the asks in my little mailbox so if you sent me anything, I'm so sorry for not answering sooner. Gots alot on mind but don't worry I'm still chugging.

[thanamoriarty]

Let’s face it - the moment I showed him my favorite live performance of my favorite song and his response was sorta “meh. THIS is what all the fuzz was about?” I knew I should have left (actually, kicked him out, because we were at my house). But it’s ok that I didn’t. I thought “Ok, so we don’t always see eye to eye”. Except “seeing eye to eye” was the exception. It was never the rule. Unless I would compromise.

He always went out of his way to belittle me. To make me think I didn’t know enough about music - the one thing I’ve loved all my life. From “uh this band you like is just AWFUL”, “no way you’re choosing the playlist” to laughing at my face for calling an instrumental outro a solo and leaving me drunk alone without a phone in the middle of the night to go babysit his grown up drunk friend, or making me wait for hours at a random bar completely alone because he was drinking with his buddies (and then showing up to our date with said buddies), the red flags were so much that if I’d collected them, I could have built my own golf course. ⛳️

And I still didn’t leave, because at the end of the day, he always acted like he needed me. Or his bff (who used to be in love with him) would write me a “secret letter” and slip it inside my pocket, written “I think he really likes you. He’s just bad at showing it. Don’t give up on him”.

We both loved metal. I guess that and alcohol were the only things that we had in common. He was obsessed with Pantera, so of course I had to pretend to like Pantera, how am I a fan of metal if don’t like Pantera, right? I really tried liking Pantera.

I hate Pantera.

Maybe someday I’ll like Pantera. It is most likely than me ever liking him again.

Because today I have friends that don’t think I’m basic because I love Metallica and they’re “practically mainstream”, or because Arctic Monkeys is on my top 5 favorite bands. I don’t have to prove I’m a sexy metalhead because I touched myself for the first time in my life to Rammstein’s “Pu**y” music video. I don’t have to lie about not liking pop or pop punk.

I’ve learned I don’t have to be a fucking stereotype just because you were one. I don’t need to cut out parts of my personality to make myself “worthy” of you. If anything, I realize now I was too much for you. I’m chimerical, whimsical, creative, funny. I am a multitude of personalities inhabiting a single body. I feel like for the first time in my life, I know my worth. And it’s not in the backseat of your reckless drunk buddy’s car. It never was.

Gotta thank you for the guitar model recommendation when I started playing though. It was really on point.

Oh, that day you left me waiting for hours at a weird bar? I met a guy there. Told him I was with someone, and he waited with me until you arrived. There was a jukebox there and we bonded over The Doors. Up until very recently he was still after me. We went on one date, but I immediately realized he was just as emotionally unavailable as you (for different reasons) — he just happened to be a lot nicer. I’m really done with emotionally unavailable men. There were others after you two. I’m just tired. I don’t like playing games I know I’m gonna lose, not anymore.

You did leave a lot of boxers here. I hope you don’t mind I’ve used one of them to paint a wall. I guess underwear is disposable anyway.

Like I was to you, and you were to me.

Strangers to lovers, and strangers again.

(Here’s a song I love, and I love telling people that I love it. You would definitely HATE IT HAHA. But I think this sums up what I felt at the time:

“I don't wanna call it off,

But you don't wanna call it love.

You only wanna be the one that I call ‘baby’”

[broomsick]

Is it alright if I ask you for some guidance on connecting with the Norse pantheon? I'm entering into a really scary time in my life, grappling with going to college in the city despite being (up until now) a lifelong country bumpkin and possibly even moving out for the first time, all while being a timid autistic person with a terrible anxiety disorder.

Basically if there's ever a time I'd need the gods to be present in my life it's now, but I still struggle to feel connected with them sometimes. I still connect with them, I've had dreams where I talk with Odin and Thor and Freyr, but I can't say they're a completely consistent part of my life. Sometimes I even question if they're really protecting me, even though I know that's almost certainly the anxiety talking.

Is there anything you'd recommend doing to connect with the gods during a really stressful time? I have a very small and honestly not very impressive altar so maybe I should work to spruce that up more. Any guidance would be appreciated, sorry for bothering you 🙏 Thanks!

Hi there! First of all, I want to tell you that moving out is indeed scary, and it's very brave of you to consider moving so far! I definitely understand your situation, as I haved struggled with anxiety pretty much forever. Unfortunately, being a pagan with this sort of mental health challenge can bring about a lot of insecurity. And I find that sometimes, it can also make us feel disconnected from our spirituality. I don't think that this is something we can completely overcome. As a matter of fact, I find that it's better to ask yourself "why do I feel this way right now?", rather than say "I should be feeling this way, so why don't I?". What I learned with time is that our day-to-day circumstances affect our spirituality more than we think. For example, I often start to feel disconnected from my spiritual life when I've had a stressful week at work, or even just when I try too long and too hard to connect with the Gods. And on top of that, with social media being the way it is, people cant help but compare themselves with pagans who have more time and money on their hands. Now, I'm no expert on all things psychology, but I do know about spirituality. And I know that it comes and goes in waves: every single polytheist I've met experiences moments when they don't feel as connected to their Gods as they used to. Even those whose very career was tied to their spiritual practices. But those are not bad news! It only means that you have a healthy relationship with spirituality, and that you're not letting it overshadow the other important aspects of your life.

But more on the tips to stay connected to the Gods. What I know for certain is that sometimes, we have no control over how connected we feel to them. But there are a lot ways for you to keep them close to your heart. The first, in my opinion, is to make your spirituality into a safe and happy place. Find ways to make it fun! By listening to music that feels spiritual to you, writing down prayers or devotional poems when you’re inspired, wearing a piece of jewelry in their honor, making a Pinterest board into a little online shrine, drawing a rune or sigil which represents them on your skin, making art of the deities you love… In other words, don’t be afraid to mix your passions and your faith. No matter how “casual” it may feel! Sometimes, “casual” is what we can manage given our busy lives (which is why the size of your altar does not matter, it’s the love you pour into tending it that makes all the difference). It’s both perfectly normal and healthy. And if something about your practice/belief doesn’t feel right anymore, simply let go of it. Same goes if you don’t resonate with something that every other pagan seem to do.

Another tip I can give you is to simply try (don’t worry, I will elaborate). By this, I mean adopt simple gestures to honor them, even if there might not necessarily be a response. I find that this is especially important in moments when you struggle to feel the presence of your Gods. Leave them a small portion of your dinner every now and then. Do a little bit of research on this or that deity when you can. And if you’ve got the time, offer them a fruit, or a cup of coffee! Anything will do, no matter how small. Light a candle for them every night (routine helps a lot), and pray if you’ve got something on your mind. It’s normal not to see some sort of immediate response. But if you look around yourself during the day— if you look at the sunset on your way home from work, at the trees that rustle with the wind, or at the rain pouring outside your window—, and if you listen carefully to what people tell you, you might start to notice some signs. Recurring patterns and omens are a typical example of signs that a deity might send. It’s also fun to draw parallels between every day things and your deities. For example, to think of Freyr when you tend a cute new house plant. Or to pray to Skaði during a snowstorm! I have always loved “inviting” deities to witness certain events, so as to share the joy with them. I simply close my eyes, focus of the deity I want to call out to, and speak their name aloud, or murmur it. Actually, if you’re interested in this topic, I have written this post, which could be helpful to you!

Don’t be afraid to keep trying, that’s my most important tip. There’s really not much else we can do when we feel disconnected from our faith. Make your belief into something that feels right. Spirituality should be a happy place for you, and not a reason for worry. You deserve for your practice as a norse pagan to feel joyful and fulfilling. Above all, don’t force anything: these sorts of moments are inevitable. I’ve known them myself, and so has every other pagan. But things will get better soon, that I guarantee!

[cecedownbad]

With all the Leon and John Wick being similar memes especially after RE4 Remake, I can imagine the joy when he first watches the movie.

Leon would first be introduced to watch the movie after a colleague recommends it, being quiet about how the two can come off the same sometimes, he jumps in and watches it.

How he loves the man, and oh the realisation that when something he cares about is taken away from him by force, he goes gaga over his reaction.

Leon will quote John whenever the opportunity arises and more or less annihilate his enemies with the same drive. The undead are great practice for this.

And once he starts, he won't stop, he'll probably quote John as he's fighting, that moment when everyone wants him back to stop the outbreak in New York, and all he wanted was a vacation but gets dragged in anyway. You can see that he's already replaying the scene of Wick being tied to a chair:

"People keep asking if I'm back, and I haven't really had an answer. But now, yeah! I'm thinking I'm back!" probably just to give him a boost.

When he's fumbling and Chris asks if he's doing alright and his response being,

"Rusty, I guess."

"God, Leon! We have BOWs to kill, we don't have time to be replaying scenes of your favourite movies now!"

"Oh please, I deserve this, at least after you ruined my vacation."

He'd talk to himself how he would have done this differently if he was in some scenes, not in a sense to undermine Wick's skills but because he can't help but think what it would be like being that amazing. Like I said, he goes gaga over John.

When the topic is brought up, he turns into the most enthusiastic person ever, he'd mention all the things true to life, turning into a teenager sometimes and it's the cutest.

One or more of his colleagues he works with mention how fitting it is that he and John are similar in many ways, they wouldn't dare test those waters with Leon though, don't want the actual thing happening after all.

But Leon is oblivious, he wonders if he's really that amazing but then most of the time he agrees that he would work well with such a man.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

A few words about trolling and harassment

I've had quite a lot of asks recently about how to deal with trolling, hate and negativity in fandom. There are too many to answer individually, so I hope you don't mind me answering like this.

Sadly trolling and hate is nothing new, it's always been a feature of fandom, and the Eruri fandom is no exception. Because the Eruri fandom has quite visible and popular artists and writers, I think it tends to attracts more trolls than you might expect for such a small fandom. It's also noticeable that incidents of hate and trolling always increase when the whole fandom becomes more active in the run up to anime season releases. Trolling can happen at any time though, sometimes it's a single sorry individual with no life, too much time on their hands, and no imagination to do anything more creative.

Being targeted by trolls can be understandably upsetting and I know that some people get really anxious and upset by the low level ship hate that buzzes around in the background. So how to deal with it? It might sound trite but the best thing to do with trolls is ignore them. Trolls are desperate for your attention, so don't give it to them. I know that's easier said than done though so my advice is that if you can't resist responding, do so with humour. Trolls rarely appreciate being laughed at. I have a strict policy of ignoring all the anon hate I get here on tumblr, but occasionally I get an ask that is too hilarious not to share, so I post it on twitter for everyone to point and laugh at.

Dealing with disingenuous fans can be a bit tricker, as it's not always easy to tell when someone is arguing a point in good faith or if it's bait and they're just trying to start shit. Like trolls, bait is best ignored. Don't let them hook you in and don't argue back, it's not worth wasting your time trying to change their mind. You won't. Just walk away. Spend your precious time on something that you enjoy instead, like reading your favourite fanfic, or creating something new for your fandom. And whatever you do, don't engage with ship hate and ship wars. Leave others to enjoy their ship, and you focus on enjoying your own. Shipping isn't a competition; it's not something you can win or lose. If people are bringing negativity and hate into the tags block them, and curate your timeline to minimise their visibility.

If you find that trolling, harassment and fandom discourse is making you really anxious and upset then you need to disengage. It's vitally important to establish your own boundaries and to stick by them. Don't hang out in spaces where there are people who will upset you, block and report obvious trolls, and mute anyone who brings negativity into your fandom spaces, even if they're from your own side of the fandom. Don't feel that you have to engage with the fandom at large. The best advice I've ever heard is that fandom is best enjoyed with a small group of like minded weirdos who you can share your kinks and headcanons with and who you can bitch to in private. Its sound advice and it's worked for me for years.

Way back in 2018, my friend and fellow Eruri fan @valisi-clark did a fascinating survey of why people send Anon hate. The anonymous responses they got were really eye opening. if you're interested you can read the whole thing here: Anonymous Hate Survey.

I can also highly recommend this beautiful post from @ladymacbethsspot with solid practical advice on how to deal with all kinds of bullying and harassment.

I hope this helps folk to navigate fandom's stormy waters. If anyone needs to get anything off their chest, my ask box is always open. I can't respond to every ask I get, but I do read them all.

[maxwell-grant]

Are the any superhero type characters from Brazil you wish got more attention internationally?

The ones I create, hopefully I don't really want specific characters to get more attention internationally, so much as I want more interesting characters to be developed, because most Brazilian superheroes (and that goes for a lot of other international superheroes) tend to be stuck on creative dead ends. I can elaborate more on that and the history of Brazilian superheroes if asked but if you want a specific answer, I'll give three, first one being, Tales of the Orishas by Hugo Canuto.

Tales of the Orishas fuses the pantheon of the African diasporic religion of Candomblé with the Silver Age comic aesthetics of Jack Kirby into a riveting tale of high adventure. The story centers around a celestial battle between the gods of Brazil, who are worshipped by the Bahia people, and a fearsome conquering force led by a dark and malevolent overlord. Only Shango, the god of fire and thunder, can lead his people into victory while the fate of creation hangs in the balance.

It is considerably popular already and even used for didactic purposes in classrooms overseas. but I can say very comfortably can say that this is a thing that should reach as large an audience as possible by any means. I mean, fucking look at it.

I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but I've seen enough pages of it that I can very comfortably call it the best Jack Kirby tribute I've ever seen, even though it's ambitions are way higher than just doing that, and It's been heavily recommended by everyone I follow within the Brazilian comics scene for very self-evident reasons. Gets my strongest recommendation out of all these as proof of concept for what can and should be done with Brazilian superheroes.

Danilo Beyruth is one of the biggest names amongs the local comics scene, and has done several works with superhero-esque characters like The Necronaut, which is about a Spectre-esque "lifeguard of the dead" who wanders the world helping spirits carry over and resolve their unfinished business, and Days of Horror, which is a showcase piece for 50 major names in Brazilian comics, in a story about a Dr Doom analogue named Doc Horror standing trial for his role in an alien invasion that murdered his world's Trinity as well as thousands of civilians. He's done five books on the Astronaut series, which are a space-opera superhero-esque revamp of Monica's Gang character Astronaut, more in line with their more adult-themed Graphic MSP line-up.

The power to change the world lies in his hands...but he only wants to play king.

Rei de Lata is set in a world ravaged by war that faced it's worst disaster: a biological weapon that practically drove an entire country extinct. Unexpectedly, however, all children born after the attack developed some kind of abnormality, some kind of power generated by a survival instinct, trauma or extreme situation. Due to their immunity to the toxic air, the surviving adults detest and fear them, and wish to hunt and study them, and so the super-kids must battle for their survival in a post-war country.

And I'm also gonna be including Rei de Lata (I think you can loosely translate it as The Can King but that is way too clunky and isn't quite right for what the name is supposed to mean and sound like), which is available on Webtoon. It's more along the lines of a shonen battle manga, but it is about distinct, superpowered characters, it's invited enough comparisons to MHA and the main character is a supervillain so I feel comfortable putting it here. It's been ongoing since 2017 and I think it got a physical release, it rules and rises above a lot of it's inspirations, the protagonist and side characters are all great opposite perfectly detestable villains. Very strongly recommend it, really excited to see where it's going.

[azquine]

This may be for too niche of an audience, but fuck it, I'm reaching the fixated audience of me.

The captain from BBC Ghosts and Abed Nadir from community share quite a few similarities, at least from the way I read them.

They both hyperfixate, and their broad hyperfixation shapes the very way they view reality.

For the captain every interaction is a battle he has to strategize through in order to succeed. People are divided into allies and enemies, ranked into inferiors and superiors. Everything is war to him.

And to Abed the world is a show, every event a plotpoint with tropes he can either embrace or subvert. Their sequence he can break down into genre and predict. Every person is a character with a role, with consistent traits and desires he can navigate.

It is through these lenses that they try to control others sometimes, and are occasionally controlled in turn. Though honestly, when he tries Abed is more effective in this regard. Think about the American poultry episode, the captain could never. The captain attempts to pull rank and order more than he manipulates. That's more Julian's thing. Whereas Abed isn't trying to be the leader, he knows he isn't the main character, but he does want to lead the story where he thinks it would be best

They are both outwardly stoic seeming. If you look at them as a stranger all you will see is a straight face and blunt words. But if you pay any attention to how they actually act, you can see that they actually feel things very deeply. They care a lot. Their way of expressing themselves just isn't the exact same way as everyone else. But if you know what to look for it is not subtle in the least. Every little action is practically dripping with their thoughts and feelings. The way they position their head, the way they fiddle with things in their hands, their habits are visible and consistent. If anyone so wished they could make a list of each one and what they mean. So what if they don't laugh or smile the same way that other people do, if when they try to do it normally to fit in it is a little 'off'. If sometimes people call them emotionless. If sometimes they think that of themselves. They aren't.

This is most visible when they get to interact with their fixation, or when that fixation is taken away from them. Their joy, or upset, is practically palpable. You can see them visibly brighten up when the opportunity to share or interact with the thing they enjoy arises.

And then there is the abandonment that fundamentally changes them. Havers and Troy. Both gone to another place far away, leaving The Captain to stare at an open gate and Abed at an empty chair. The person most important to them, who bothered to understand them more than anyone else ever did, ends up leaving them behind. And it hurts them. A lot. It's one of the last things they speak about with the other characters and audience before their show ends.

For the comfort of hetronormative society they appear as a friend or a working partner to them. Though there is clear subtext that there was something more underneath. That they wanted something more. Even though it was not something they openly spoke of.

They are also both just kind of silly. This is completely unintentional on the captain's part, who would prefer to appear perfectly serious and professional. Abed however does not really give a shit how others see his activities and interests. They just get so into everything they do that it quickly veers into ridiculousness, focused on their task long after everyone else gives it up.

I don't know, I didn't really have any point to this post other than to talk about my current favourite two queer autistic characters. I would highly recommend that if you like Ghosts and the Captain, or Community and Abed, that you also watch the other show. Both will make you laugh and also kick you squarely in the sternum. And if any of you have any thoughts please let me know, I am dying to talk about these things.

[incorrectshantaequotes]

Shantae Headcanons - The Seven Sirens: Definitive Edition

So, you know what I realized recently? I did a headcanon post about the Seven Sirens back before the Spectacular Superstars update when we barely had anything to go off of, did a post comparing my characterization to what official characterization we DID have to go off of now that the Seven Sirens had dialogue, and quietly adjusted my headcanons and characterization to better match canon, I, uh...never made a post about what my NEW headcanons were.

Whoops.

Anyway! I've elected to just go ahead and do that now. I do recommend you read my old headcanon post here, because while I have changed a bunch of things (mainly regarding Water Lily and Octo Siren since those two were the characterizations furthest from what we actually got) a lot of what I said there still applies. Basically, if I don't explicitly retcon it here, assume that whatever headcanon I stated there is still my headcanon now. Now, onto the post!

The Seven Sirens as a Group

This is more for Sirens as a species, but it is relevant for the Seven Sirens here, so here the headcanon goes. Siren have natural longevity as a species - able to outlive humans, which isn't that unusual - but being trapped underwater for centuries while barely aging a day? That IS unusual for most species. So what do Sirens have that those species lack? Simple: they feed off magic. This isn't actually that uncommon in the wilds of Sequin Land; every living thing and even some that aren't have some kind of magic within them, no matter how small, so if you're able to feed off it, it's a plentiful resource. Sirens are simply the only sapient species that does this.

Basically, while Sirens do have their own magic resources, due to a biological quirk it isn't actually enough to sustain their body, with this problem being more pronounced the larger a Siren is. Thankfully, as long as they can feed off some magic (just eating something will give them the magic inside, though if a Siren has some method of extracting magic it's more practical to just eat the magic directly) and make up the difference, they'll be fine. And as a fun bonus, as long as they can sustain themselves, they don't age! Ever. Or at least, they don't age once they reach a certain point in a Siren's lifespan (what would be late twenties-mid thirties in human years), though aging does happen notably slower. And if they manage to get a surplus of magic, that turns into more magical power for their own internal resources! ...though it does mean they have to feed off of more magic to sustain themselves in the future, which is very relevant in regards to a certain Empress.

Anyway, onto ACTUAL headcanons regarding the Seven Sirens - approximately none of them have any sense of personal space. This is partially a species thing; with how BIG some Sirens can be personal space can be a lot less relevant, but it's also just a result of how the Seven Sirens are as a group. Thanks to some of them just being giant, some of them having a habit of getting pulled into their work, or both, usually the best way to get any of their attention is to get right up in their face. Which they won't really react badly to, since they've all grown used to it from living with each other for so long, but this also means they have a tendency to invade everyone else's personal space without really thinking about it. Lobster Siren will just grab you by the wrist or shoulders if she wants to get your attention, and she will teleport to do it, Tubeworm Siren has a tendency to unintentionally loom over whoever she's talking to just to make sure she won't accidentally squish them or that one of her pets won't bite them, Anglerfish Siren will appear directly behind people without warning, the list goes on. The only real exception is Empress Siren, who does know what personal space is from interacting with surface species more and just intentionally violates it to make a point.

I AM still saying that the various boss Sirens (apart from Empress) get redeemed, but I've changed the order around to better fit the new characterizations, which I'll get into in their individual sections.

Lobster Siren

Lobster Siren - along with Empress, naturally - comes from one of several royal lines of Sirens. Technically, there's nothing that distinctly separates them from other Sirens, just that, on account of natural selection and a few other things, their lineage has naturally high magic resources, and since Sirens respect magical power, members of that family were put in charge of several Siren colonies. Of course, that means they have to feed off more magic to sustain themselves, but since members of their line were naturally chosen to be in charge of entire Siren colonies, usually those resources weren't that far out of reach, and they were fine! Usually. Unless, you know, a colony was buried under an entire island, devastating their resources and forcing them to scavenge from the wildlife around them.

You might think that Lobster Siren was on the verge of starving like Empress was, but actually, she managed to get by fairly well! For one, she didn't have nearly the same size of Empress's magical resources, so she had notably less to worry about on the needing magic front. Even with Empress Siren forcing Lobster to hunt Empress's meals alongside her own, she still managed to get enough to sustain herself - though it did help that the other Sirens could be persuaded to share some of their meals with her.

Lobster Siren does know sign language, but as she discovered when she began living on the surface of Siren Island, it's several centuries out of date, and can't really be used as a reliable translation option. This annoys Lobster Siren to no end.

If you're familiar with the Ben 10 series - you know Ripjaws? You know how he can switch between a fish tail and two regular legs? Yeah that same logic applies to both Lobster and Empress Siren and their crustacean halves, though Lobster Siren is the only one of the two to actually make use of it. By default, she tends to have her lower half be crustacean, sort of making her a lobster-centaur of some kind (like how her in-game portraits imply she looks rather than her actual sprites), with this going double if she's feeling particularly anxious and is trying to make herself small and less noticeable. But she'll switch to her more humanoid legs if she wants to get somewhere fast or is feeling particularly excited about something, running everywhere with happy chirps.

Also, last thing - changing Lobster Siren's nickname to Bisque. I may have came up with that nickname for a Lazytown AU as an April Fool's joke, but honestly the name feels way better than the last one and also funnier so I'm going with it. The story for how she got it is basically the same as the one for her old nickname only instead of Vera objecting to Zapple's suggestion on account of it being a stupid pun she objects to it on account of "you can't name her after a lobster dish what is wrong with you." Lobster Siren, who eats lobsters rather frequently, did not see the issue.

Empress Siren

So, you know that thing about how Sirens can grow their magical resources by getting a surplus? And how if they do that they'll need to feed off of more magic to sustain themselves? That's why Empress Siren is a decrepit husk while every other Siren is completely fine by the time Seven Sirens rolls around; in the colony's heyday, Empress Siren was able to acquire QUITE the surplus of magic, along with already having notably high magical resources and thus high magic nourishment requirements to begin with since she came from a royal line. She only saw this as a boon, since she had even more power to fling around, but it became an issue once Siren Island was buried and suddenly she couldn't obtain the resources she needed to sustain herself quite so easily. As a result, she eventually began to rapidly age, as is the natural consequence of what happens when a Siren fails to properly sustain their magical resources, while every other Siren was just fine. She was able to mitigate SOME of the consequences by feeding off magic, but it only slowed it down; if not for Empress Siren actually getting some magic in Seven Sirens, she probably would have died in only a few months.

The reason Empress Siren was so hellbent on getting genie magic in particular was because she actually had a taste of it before - during the battle with Harmony's mother, she managed to land a wound on her that would eventually turn fatal centuries later, when Harmony was born. Due to how potent genie magic is, the little bit Empress managed to get from that was able to keep her going for a lot longer than she really should have. This got Empress thinking, and she had a theory - if she managed to get enough genie magic...then, perhaps, the potency of it would be enough to completely override her species biological need to consume magic and simply let her produce her own, thus allowing her to be young, immortal, and powerful forever. And, for the record - that theory would have been right if she did manage to get all the genie magic she needed.

...she did get ONE benefit from her failed plan, though. Ironically enough, despite Rottytops' involvement being the one thing that kept Empress from ultimate power, the dark magic she'd inadvertently absorbed from her (and also Risky, though she didn't quite realize that until later) was what kept her alive, because it let her learn that dark magic can be used as nourishment. Since natural dark magic didn't really become a thing until after Empress' colony was brought down, she hadn't bothered with it, thinking it a cheap shortcut that others used to try and match her natural superiority, but now that she knew that she could feed on it with no real repercussions...well. It did NOT take her long to use her species' natural talent for summoning magic and twist it into a spell that directly drained the magic out of the life around her. It's unnatural, an abomination against nature, but...it gives her far more magic than if she were to just eat the creatures and absorb their magic that way, and that practicality is far more important to her than silly morals or ethics. And it does keep her young - although she's still a bit older than she'd prefer, much to her annoyance.

Water Lily Siren

Okay, onto the supporting Sirens, starting with Water Lily!

Her backstory and role in the Siren Colony as I described in my old Sirens headcanon post is exactly the same, but her personality is notably different. She's very easygoing and carefree, a "go-with-the-flow" kind of gal - a reflection of her plant half, in a sense, given how they often have to just roll with the punches the environment gives them until they die. Granted, a good amount of that was forced under Empress' roof, burying the constant stress that one wrong word could get her head lobbed off, but as the years went by and Empress Siren became weaker and weaker, that stress gradually went away and her easygoing nature became more genuine again, up until now as she lives on Siren Island with her full self restored.

She may not have been a motherly figure to Lobster Siren, but "wine aunt" would be very accurate. She loves the little Siren, thinking of her as just the sweetest little thing, pulling her in for hugs often, letting her play with her plants back when they were in the colony, and taking steps to encourage her hidden, more mischievous side when she can. Maybe not a motherly figure, but definitely a positive authority figure in Lobster's life.

Had she been in her right mind when she fought Shantae, Water Lily Siren would have gone easy on her. Still fight her, because not doing so would definitely get her killed, but, well...to be perfectly blunt, she would not mind if Empress Siren died. At all. She has a LOT of spite towards Empress Siren deep, deep down. That applies now, and definitely applies back then, when the logical outcome of Empress Siren dying would have been Lobster Siren taking over as the best candidate. She would have loved for that to happen, and if she'd actually thought about that, she would have gone easy on Shantae, but...the key word is in her right mind.

Lobster may not have been close to magical starvation, but Water Lily Siren was, on top of some good ol' fashioned regular starvation - being big and extremely slow to move on your own do not a good combination make when you're trapped underwater with very little resources to get food remotely. She did get by, but only barely, and even though Lobster tried to help by offering her food, Water Lily would insist on Lobster keeping it for herself, a combination of spite for Empress and adoration for the little Lobster overriding her self-preservation. She doesn't actually eat sapient species; she makes a few jokes about it sometimes, because her humor is just like that, but she was DEAD serious when she said she was going to eat Shantae, she was that desperate for literally any kind of magic, even with Risky's lie about Shantae's magic being a dud. She got a lot better when the ship exploded and she was surrounded by marine wildlife to eat to her heart's content.

Remember what I said about the changed order of redemption? Water Lily's the second now instead of the first. Part of this is due to the change in personality, part of this is because Tubeworm Siren now has notably better intentions on attacking the surface, but regardless, it didn't take her long to realize Lobster Siren was genuinely happy up on the surface, and join her side.

Water Lily Siren has a bad habit of just dipping underwater and coming up hours later eating a raw fish the size of a car. All the Sirens have an issue with this, honestly (though only Tubeworm Siren will come up eating fish as big as Water Lily catches), but Water Lily Siren does it the most often

Coral Siren

I'll be honest there is nothing to retcon and I have no headcanons to add personally. Coral Siren is perfect as she is god bless

Tubeworm Siren

Tubeworm Siren, honestly, is MOSTLY the same as I characterized her before, just with one key difference that does result in a few retcons. As a Royal General, she's loyal to the CROWN...but not necessarily Empress Siren herself. And while that didn't make a difference while the colony was still running, when the Sirens became trapped, and Empress Siren started to wither away...Tubeworm Siren began to have some concerns.

She began trying to coax Empress Siren to step down and let Lobster Siren take the role of leader, as was tradition for Siren colonies when a potential heir became of age to wear the crown while the old leader was still active. She could enter hibernation and rest knowing her kingdom was in good hands rather than starving to death, wouldn't that be a satisfying end? Except Empress Siren, still having her theory and clinging to every bit of power she could, viciously rejected Tubeworm Siren's offer, time and time again. Eventually, Tubeworm stopped asking, respecting her ruler's wishes, but...well. In her mind, it was clear that the Empress' rapidly increasing age was making her go senile, and while she was content to follow the WORD of her wishes, the spirit of it? That was another matter.

Tubeworm Siren began subtly diverting resources from taking care of Empress to taking care of Lobster, making sure to never get caught. She followed the Empress' orders to the extent she deemed reasonable, but never beyond that, sometimes even outright subverting her orders if they seemed especially bad. She tried upping her training with Lobster to bond with her, quickly realized their relationship was very strained now that she was actually paying attention, talked to Water Lily Siren about how to properly interact with Lobster, and ended up scrapping the intense training in favor of a more gentle approach. Lobster was confused at first, but...she did know already that Tubeworm meant well with the training, and now seeing that she'd clearly reevaluated how she was interacting with her and was making an effort to listen to what SHE wanted? Lobster's relationship with Tubeworm Siren improved dramatically, and over the next few centuries, Tubeworm Siren unintentionally turned into a sort of mother figure for Lobster.

So, naturally, considering all of this, when she heard Empress Siren's plan, she nearly rejected it outright and committed treason right then and there. Just five drops of genie magic, enough to make her unstoppable? Absurd. Clearly the delusions of a Siren long past her prime; a less loyal Siren might even suggest she was just trying to cling to the throne as long as possible, the parasite. But, then again...if genie magic really was that potent...who was to say she couldn't give it to someone a bit more deserving of that power? Like, say, Lobster? So, she agreed to the plan, cooking up a scheme to go along with it until the last minute, then shove Empress Siren out of the way and have Lobster Siren take that power instead. Brilliant. Foolproof. Except for the part where Shantae beat her to a pulp and left her out of commission until the dust had already settled, and the fact that they never got five drops of genie magic to begin with. That, she did not account for.

So, when she rallied up the other Sirens and led an attack on the surface, technically one of the reasons was revenge for the presumed death of Empress Siren (and she did actually feel a little bit of rage at the Empress' death, despite it all), but mostly it was to get Lobster Siren, who she'd assumed had been kidnapped, make her a proper Queen, and then rebuild their colony. When Lobster Siren made her appeal, Tubeworm Siren assumed that she was either forced to say that to lead them into a trap, or that she had Stockholm Syndrome, and refused to listen to reason on the matter, no matter who it was.

Still the last to reform, but with a different reason - Tubeworm was sitting in her cage, still fuming a bit from the loss but gradually accepting her fate and the idea that maybe the surface wasn't so bad, before suddenly hearing a commotion somewhere outside it. She looked around, trying to see what it was, and then she saw- Empress Siren. Alive, maybe not in her prime, but certainly healthy, and...she was attacking both the half-genies and her former subjects indiscriminately. Viciously. Gleefully, even. And as Tubeworm Siren saw her former Empress - no, not that title, former Queen - aim a lightning bolt at her niece with a vicious grin, Tubeworm Siren realized that no, Empress Siren hadn't gone senile. She never did. She was always just like this, and it was only when she had other reasons to question her that she saw it. She was always this cruel, petty, and egomaniacal, and up until they were all forcefully sealed away she hadn't done anything about it. No wonder the Sirens so willingly chose the surface, when they remembered this as the alternative. Well, maybe she hadn't done anything about Empress in the past, but she could sure do something now.

Aaaaaaand that was when Tubeworm Siren broke out of her cage and lunged at Empress Siren herself, with the intent of ripping that parasite to shreds. She lost, but that did not stop her from trying to go after the retreating Empress Siren; only with everyone else holding her back for her own safety did she manage to calm down and apologize for her actions, properly joining the side of good.

Dialing it back to significantly lighter stuff - Tubeworm Siren has names for all the various tubeworms that act as her legs and she always has, and always will, smother them with affection like a dog lover and their dogs. At first she refused to allow anyone to nickname them, because Lobster named the heads and she refused to grant anyone else that privilege, but begrudgingly agreed to allow them to be referred to as translations of those names. Their names are Bonk, Pointy, Shiny, and Wall-Eye.

Anglerfish Siren

Anglerfish Siren is another one that's perfect as is I just need to update like two things

Anglerfish Siren is now the first Siren that properly redeemed herself, sort of - when Lobster Siren made her appeal, and Tubeworm made her stance on what she thought was happening clear, the two groups prepared for a fight, with Zapple remarking that a three on five wouldn't be easy...only for Angler to correct her that it was four on four. It was at that point that the two half-genies and Siren looked behind them to see Angler right there, and when questioned, she immediately attempted to gaslight them into thinking she was with them the whole time instead of answering the question. They had to put it off for the fight, but Lobster revealed the full story of how she and Angler were friends later

So remember how I said Anglerfish Siren and Rottytops got along very well? Slight correction: they get along like a house on fire. Angler's tendency for dramatics and her mastery of magic combined with Rotty's pranking abilities and internal philosophy of "go big or go home" make for a vicious combo. They had to be stopped from committing arson together an hour after they first met.

Octo Siren

Alright, last Siren! Woo!

Now, I haven't made any headcanons regarding the Siren's ages, because...well, they live for hundreds of years. There's not really a point, especially if I'm trying to equate it to where they would be if they were human. Anyway, all of this is to say that, BEFORE the Spectacular Superstar update, I saw Octo Siren as around the same age as Tubeworm Siren and Water Lily Siren, i.e. definitively an adult, but NOW I see her as around the same age as Coral, Angler, and Lobster Siren, i.e. young adult. If she was human she'd be around Harmony's age. Anyway

Octo Siren was the royal secretary and, much like Tubeworm Siren, got her position through nepotism, coming from a line of Sirens that served the crown for generations as secretaries. UNLIKE Tubeworm Siren, however, who was basically perfect for her job as General, Octo Siren was...not that. Prone to bouts of narcolepsy, leaving her tasks to her octopus minions more often than not (and unlike Warp Squids, Brain Octos are a lot dumber than you'd think), and generally being unmotivated to do any work at all, Octo Siren is the last person you'd want as a secretary, even if she is actually fairly good at logistics and other secretary duties when she gets around to doing it herself. However, there was one thing that kept her on the job: her crippling lack of self-esteem.

Octo Siren is well-aware of her flaws. She was well-aware of them before she got the job, and her awareness of those flaws were magnified by a hundred when she actually got it. Though she hides it pretty well, there's a LOT of self-consciousness she has to work through, and for a while Octo Siren had a desperate need of approval from just...anyone. ANYONE. Anyone at all, just to reassure her that she did deserve the job and that she worked hard...and to that purpose, she ended up clinging to Empress Siren like glue.

Ironically, Empress Siren treated Octo Siren more like a niece than her actual niece. It wasn't a good thing by any stretch of the imagination - Empress Siren only cared about Octo Siren to the extent she liked having someone around who was so eager to please - but Octo Siren did have the best relationship with Empress Siren both while the colony was active and while they were trapped below, and because of that, Empress Siren actually put her in charge the few times she had to go out on her own. It was a position Octo Siren both held in adulation and one she got vehemently defensive about.

Octo Siren is still the fourth Siren to be redeemed, but like with Tubeworm, it's for different reasons. She was the most emotionally devastated by Empress Siren's presumed death, and the one who fought most viciously for vengeance on her behalf, but WITH Empress Siren's death, she ended up latching onto Tubeworm Siren as the next best authority figure in her life, and unlike Empress, Tubeworm actually cared for Octo Siren as a person, even if she didn't quite know WHY Octo so desperately wanted to please her now. The amount of positive attention was overwhelming - and, honestly, was making her reconsider just how healthy her relationship with Empress Siren was - and also made her near impossible to budge from Tubeworm Siren's side without outside interference. So, Zapple, Coral, and Anglerfish Siren collaborated to kidnap Octo Siren so she could see reason.

Octo Siren immediately argued that kidnapping her did not make a good defense for their argument that they didn't do the same with Lobster, but they weren't releasing her anytime soon, so she just sat there fuming. But, then, the thing was, besides the kidnapping, everything else was...surprisingly nice? A lot nicer than the constant stress of the Siren colony or, to some extent, even Tubeworm Siren's little camp on the island. The turning point for her came when she got so bored she ended up deciding to file Zapple's taxes - it was Zapple's house she was trapped in, after all - only to stop short, find herself struggling to even start, and for the half-genie to come down and, rather than reprimand her, actually give Octo some advice on how to deal with her issues. It was then Octo Siren understood that, while they may have kidnapped her, they certainly didn't kidnap Lobster.

Octo Siren's magic allows her to float slightly in the air. Comes in handy when traversing on land, but mostly she just uses it to sleep in the weirdest places imaginable

Octo Siren's nickname is now Doll. Similar reason to her old nickname - she may have an understanding with Zapple, but she was NOT having her name be a fish pun, so she just chose a name that felt right.

During one of Shantae's visits to Siren Island Octo Siren just drops this conversation onto her:

Octo Siren: By the way, sorry for flirting with you the first time we met - I didn't know you and her were together. Wouldn't have said anything if I knew. Happy for you two, though! Shantae: Uh...thank you? But firstly - we weren't together then, that happened a bit after the Half-Genie Festival. Secondly, when? Octo Siren: When what? Shantae: When did you flirt with me? I do NOT remember that at all. Octo Siren: I mean, I'd think it'd be pretty obvious. Shantae: It really isn't. Octo Siren: I literally introduced myself by saying "Hey, baby!". Rottytops: Wow. Shantae: That's a completely neutral introduction though? I still don't see where the flirting is! Like, at the time, all I thought was that it sounded like something Rotty would- Shantae: Shantae: Oh my god. Octo Siren: Wow. Shantae: Ohhhhh my god... Octo Siren, turning to Rottytops: So, how did you get through her thick skull? Rottytops: Trial and error. Octo Siren, nodding: That makes sense. Shantae: WILL YOU TWO STOP-

[lavenderlegends]

I'd love to hear anymore of your headcanons for Trans!Erica it's something I didn't know I needed in my life till right now!

omg omg yaaaaay!!!

so it's something i've seen a few times, back in the day, but i didn't know i was trans/nonbinary at the time so i didn't explore it too much.

but literally, i've been obsessing over the idea of trans!erica for the last few weeks since i've decided to dip my toes back into fandom and here's what i think:

erica has the biggest transformation on the show imo and her storyline could really VERY easily have been a trans storyline. so here is my trans!erica head canon (that turned into like a mini fic):

happiest she's ever been

ao3

erica has been struggling with her feelings of gender and sexuality for quite some time, but doesn't really know what they mean. until stiles.

stiles, this bisexual king, who has spent hours and hours obsessing and hyper-fixating on figuring out his own sexuality and reconfirming his own gender. he's learned so much about the queer community since discovering he might be bi that he's practically an expert on the subject.

erica doesn't really know what to make of stiles, but when he comes out as bi, she wonders if maybe he'd be a safe person to talk to. after all, he did do a bunch of research when he learned she was epileptic so he could better support her and yell at people for incorrect biases. he's always been nice to her, really.

she finally gets the nerve to talk to him, and when she does, she blurts, "so you're bi."

but stiles knows that look. he's worn it on his face a million times before he met derek. so he takes her hand and walks her to a more private spot.

they start talking, and the more stiles talks, the more relaxed erica feels around him. she finally, and quietly, asks, "what if i like... dresses and skirts and high heels and lipstick and... girl things."

stiles launches into all the research he's done on trans identities, and even recommends her some trans and nonbinary books he'd read in his rabbit hole. erica types the recommendations into her phone, despite already memorizing the titles.

she works up the courage to get them from the local library, where her crush, boyd, volunteers. she's shaking when she checks out the books, but boyd simply lifts one up and says, "this is one of my favourites. you'll have to let me know your thoughts once you've finished it."

so erica starts with that one. she loves it. she cries, she smiles, she laughs, and she clings to the characters as if she was them. and then she reads the next, and the next.

she tells stiles she's trans first. he's delighted and more than happy to help her in any way possible.

she changes her name after the main character in boyd's favourite book.

erica and stiles go shopping. it's a disaster. stiles asks if it's okay if he tells some of his friends, who will be more than understanding, willing, and protective of her secret, who can help her shop for women's clothes better than he can. she hesitates but agrees.

lydia, allison, kira, and malia all come to her rescue. within a weekend, erica has been completely transformed. she knows the basics of makeup. knows what clothes she likes, and what clothes she hates. she's broken in her new pairs of leopard print high heels.

and she's gained a thousand times the confidence she used to have.

"so," lydia asks, as she paints erica's nails. "tell us. have your eye on anyone?"

"well... i do, but i don't think he'd like me like this."

the girls all look at her, and then allison says with a decisiveness that warms erica's heart: "if that's true, then he's not the one for you."

"you should give him a chance though," kira encourages. "maybe he'll be different."

"maybe." but erica's not sure.

she looks over at the library books she still has to return.

maybe.

and maybe happens on a friday. the library is usually quieter then. she spends over an hour getting ready, changing her mind, and trying to figure out what to wear. but she manages. she only has to message the girls' group chat twice with make-up questions, so she counts that as a win.

walking into the library, she's nervous. she doesn't know what to expect. but there he is, beautiful as ever, standing behind the counter. their eyes meet. she almost expects him to make a face.

instead he says, "i don't believe we've properly met. i'm vernon boyd."

"erica," she says, stumbling over her chosen name. "erica reyes."

he smiles and asks, "so, what did you think of the book?"

and she knows. right then and there, this is the love of her life.

so when monday rolls around, she enters the cafeteria in her new look, embracing her true self, and has more confidence than she's ever experienced before. she doesn't know what shocks people more: her coming out as trans or her sitting with vernon boyd and holding hands.

but she's the happiest she's ever been.

[nonbinarylocalcryptid]

MAG10 - Vampire Killer

*turns around in the most ugliest coolest yellowest office chair like a Bond villain, petting a baguette-shaped cushion* so, you came here from MAG9 without expecting the whiplash. Don't worry, you are not alone lmao

Trevor Herbert is like a homeless Chuck Norris, a shaggy Terminator, a Van Helsing lite (the Hugh Jackman one, not the original). He looks in your head like the dog in The Lady and The Tramp but in human version.

And the very first thing this mf says when he writes his statement is "I've been procrastinating this shit for 50 years, but hey, I finally came to the Magnus Institute". So better late than never and all that jazz.

Quoooooooting timeeeee:

"I hear someone even made me a page on the Internet and it got a few thousand likes. I don’t know exactly what that means but it sounds nice." - Trevor Herbert, July 10th 2010

Aww, doesn't he sound nice? :D

"Obviously that’s not why I’m here, though, is it? No, I’m here because I have also dedicated my life to finding and killing vampires." - Also f*cking Trevor

Sorry u wHAT

" (...) but I do not have proof to give you except for the vampire teeth that I will leave with this statement." - Trevor "I brought you a souvenir" Herbert

" I killed my first vampire in 1959." - Trevor Herbert, THE LEGEND THE MAN THE MYTH

You wish you sound as badass xD

"I was hit by a stale, coppery smell that I did not recognise as old blood at the time, since I was barely 16 and did not have then the experience I have now." - Trevor, barely 16 but already a poet

I find upsetting how many statement givers were so young they didn't know they were smelling blood.

"The furniture and wallpaper had clearly not been changed in many decades, and a thick layer of dust covered everything." - Trevor, 16, also an offended interior designer

LOL the landlord when he tells you " I just painted everything, it's all new"

"I remember wondering whether Sylvia McDonald walked exactly the same route through the house always, as I saw other clear lines of passage in the rooms we passed through." - Trevor "WTF" Herbert

" It was 1968, I remember because that was the year United won the European Cup, (...)" - Trevor "Yes, I'm British, why u asking?" Herbert

"I do not know if you’ve ever felt your blood being sucked out of you, but I would not recommend it." - By Trevor, 0/5, no stars

"Regardless, there is substantial evidence to support the version of events told by Mr. Herbert in all aspects except the vampirism." - Jon Sims, April 13th 2016

He really said "I believe everything except the vampire bullshit" XD

"(...) It may be that they take Mr. Herbert’s statement far more seriously than I do." - Also Jon

He sees that a lot of government and law people takes this statement seriously and goes "hm how weird, why tho, it's all bullshit"

Small review:

The vampires in the tma universe are so freaking weird, disturbing of course, personally I can't really tell if they are scary tho, but I'm certain they are a mystery.

Gotta say, RIP Nigel, he seemed nice :(

I must admit Trevor is quite an interesting figure, he's intelligent and resourceful, can do much with almost nothing and put together every piece of information he has in a way he can reach a satisfactory conclusion. And then he just sticks with it. There are these monsters, which I know how to kill, and so I do it. Simple. Efficient. Practical as hell.

This is also the second time going clubbing has ended horribly for someone in tma, and honestly? Wtf

This guy just die in the break room, like, lmao. He really said "no time like the present, may as well reach supersaiyan state in that couch over ther", and he fucking did it

And then Jon ends everything by showing a lot of evidences while acting the sceptic part and it's so goddamn funny. He should be a comedian.

General overview:

Vibe: this one is so fucking wild, nice homeless grandpa ends up being the modern Van Helsing and "dies" in a couch at paranormal research institute. Iconic

Horror: there are cryptids in it, that's horror genre coded

Audio: pretty ASMR in general

Humour: hilarious Terminator Grandpa, feat.Jon being Jon

Score: 10/10

[lockandkeyhyena]

as someone who's JUST been raped again this whole story thing you have going on feels like a huge betrayal. sorry not sorry but rape culture already forgives abusers, ESPECIALLY if they're male, and your story contributes to normalizing abuse because "ohhh the rapist is just a little guy!! the rapist ALSO has feewings ohhhh they're sooooo sad they totally regret doing this guys". have you seen how the public response towards sa/csa allegations against celebrities usually goes? the VERY first thing people do is jump to the rapist's defense because they seem so normal, how could they? obviously the accuser is lying. your attempt to "humanize" your abuser oc is deeply insulting and though i do agree that punitive justice does more harm than good in the long run the thread of logic you're spinning wrt this situation more often than not culminates in villifying victims when they're caught venting — as if victims of other crimes (or their families) don't also do this and as if expressing anger inmediately turns us into monsters, you know? i would much, much rather an actual rape victim tackled this rather than someone who needs to do research on how it feels to be raped and is using a deeply traumatizing event as a fun little hypothetical in all honesty. boost our voices if you want but don't twist our experiences into... this.

my advice on what to do with the story: absolutely DON'T post it on this account because warriors has a huge pedo problem and they will jump on the opportunity to absolve themselves via your characters. if you really want to keep going make a sideblog with a different name and trigger tag your stuff appropiately. this is like, common practice regarding nsfw stuff

hey, you’ve just undergone an incredibly traumatising event and are feeling all your emotions very highly right now, i completely understand where you’re coming from but i have given every possible warning and and way for you to avoid seeing this content.

for your own personal mental health, i highly highly recommend you block me and avoid looking at my content if it’s going to trigger you so intensely. you shouldn’t be so attached to my online persona that me exploring different topics in my work feels as though a personal betrayal to you.

the pedophile problem in the warrior cats community is not something i am personally responsible for, nor is it something that i should have to curate my space to avoid. it is not my job to cater to the media illiteracy of potential viewers.

additionally, i don’t intend to, nor would i *ever* create nsfw content regarding such a story and the insinuation that i would is deeply upsetting. sexual assault should not be an adults only topic.

finally, i understand your feelings that this story may be better if told by an actual rape victim- and i don’t disagree, but several rape victims have offered their assistance with this project and volunteered personal anecdotes and advice for writing about it.

ultimately, i feel as though i am doing my very best to handle the story with tact and grace, and while i am not against criticism, i feel as though you haven’t offered substantive evidence of such towards me.

still, i appreciate you giving your feedback, and i hope you block me so as not to trigger you any further. apologies if any of this comes across as aggressive or patronising, it is not my intent.