#is it the ideal mobility aid for me? absolutely not

[scorndotexe]

god i cannot wait to use my cane again i always leave it behind when traveling where i think it will really get in the way but i regret it every single time. i think my cane is just necessary at this point

[noodlesoup1819]

Day 4: Mobility Aids & Accommodation - Atsushi with forearm crutches

(Except this is 99% found family hurt/comfort and 1% the actual prompt. If you voted for atsushi in the poll I put out a while back this one's for you!)

(Read on Ao3)

Atsushi was no stranger to pain.

Ever since he was a small child, it’s accompanied him like an old friend. Burns that throb with every breath, the excruciating pain of nails being driven through his feet, the constant ache of bruises from chains. Atsushi knew pain. He knew it intimately. He hated it, but it's clung to him for so long that he doesn't know how to live any different.

But this...

This was different.

It started small. Little things. Barely noticeable really.

His legs falling asleep a bit too easy. Random flashes of pain that came one second and were gone the next. It wasn’t anything Atsushi couldn’t handle. It wasn't comfortable, sure, but he’s had worse. Really. Right now, life was good. Whatever this was wasn’t anything to bother anyone about.

Then it got a little worse…

His legs not wanting to work right when he stood up. The flashes of pain getting longer and more frequent. But. Atsushi knew he could stubbornly power through like he did for everything else that had happened to him. He powered through the hell he grew up in. He powered through the biting cold and all consuming hunger of living on the streets. He powered through battle for the agency. Every limb torn. Every bullet wound. Every slash, or stab, or explosion. He could power through it all. And besides. The agency has been good. He has a warm futon to sleep in and food every night. And Atsushi should be grateful.

And then a bit more…

And now Atsushi is laying in his futon, gritting his teeth as his legs decide to electrocute themselves, trying to muster the will to power through once more.

Here’s the thing.

The armed detective agency is quite possibly the best thing that has ever happened to Atsushi. Sure, being hunted for sport by enemy organizations on a regular basis was… less than ideal, but it’s also become home.

Dazai and Kunikida’s relentless bickering has become comforting background noise. The Tanizaki siblings have done their best to make sure he’s settled in well. Ranpo’s warmed up to him now that he carries around snacks. He’s been able to step into the role of a big brother to Kenji and Kyouka. Yosano-sensei ruffles his hair, and even the president let the agency drop everything to come rescue him when he was kidnapped.

The agency is the best thing to ever happen to him.

Which is why Atsushi absolutely cannot ruin this for himself.

The crushing pressure of necessity and guilt is digging into Atsushi's skull. He needs to go to work. He can power through and not burden anybody.

If only he could just get up.

“—Atsushi? Atsushi? Are you alright?” Kyouka’s voice traveled through the closet door. “You’re usually up by now.”

How long had she been calling him?

“Yeah! Sorry, I must have overslept. I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Mhm hm. You go on and head to the agency without me. I’ll catch up in a bit.”

“Hm…Alright.”

Through the door, Atsushi could hear the shuffling of her feet and their front door click shut behind her.

Atsushi was helpless to stop the tears from flowing once he was left alone.

He’s had so much worse, why was it so hard to push through this. He just needs to get up. What time is it, even? Kunikida will be mad if he’s late. How long has he been laying here? Get up. It’s not that hard. Just get up!

“—It’s not very nice of you to lie to Kyouka-chan like that” came Dazai’s voice sing-songing, along with a barrage of light as the door to his closet was thrown open. “She came in all worried about you and asked if Yosano-sensei could come see if you were sick. She’s out shopping right now, so me and Kunikida-kun had to come and fetch you. Awfully rude of you if you ask me.”

Kunikida was there too. “You’re causing all kinds of trouble for the agency, brat. If you’re feeling sick you need to let us know. You’re more than half an hour late for work and you’ve totally thrown off my entire schedule—"

“—That’s supposed to be my job, Atsushi-kun!!”

“—I could have planned around you being off if you’d let us know. Now get up and let’s get you to the infirmary. Yosano-sensei will take a look at you once she get’s back and you can sleep until one of us can bring you back here.”

“Mhm hm! Up up, Atsushi-kun!”

There was nothing Atsushi could do to keep them from taking him to the infirmary now. Feeling his face, his tears must have dried in the time he was laying there. Maybe if he could get to the infirmary, he could convince them that he was just sick. That this was a one-time thing.

Sitting up was the easy part. Slowly he pulled one leg out of the cubby, careful to keep his face from revealing anything. Then the other.

He was almost to his feet when both gave out from under him, Atsushi giving out a sharp cry. Both Kunikida and Dazai scrambled to grab his arms to keep him from falling completely.

“Your legs…?” Kunikida seemed confused as he and Dazai lowered him gently. “I didn’t see you get hurt during our last mission. It’s irresponsible of you to let injuries fester. Also, doesn’t the tiger usually heal any wounds?”

“Ne~ Atsushi-kun, how long has this been a problem?” Dazai had his thinking face on. The one that only came out when he was trying to solve something in his head. "Nerve problems don't usually spawn overnight, you know~.

“Nerve problems?”

Atushi’s silence was probably telling, but how could he burden the agency even more? What good was he to the agency if he couldn’t do his job? He was one of the only ones with an offensive ability. He wasn’t smart like Ranpo-san or Dazai-san. He wasn’t good with people like Junichiro or Kenji-kun. How could he be useful if he could barely stand?

“Atsushi-kun?” Dazai sighed at the long pause that followed. “You really are a troublemaker.”

Dazai and Kunikida shared a look and both nodded.

“Whelp. Up you go Atsushi-kun~”

Suddenly arms were behind his back and under his legs and he was being carried out the front door.

“Dazai-san!?”

“Did you think I was incapable of doing any lifting? I carried Naomi-chan, Junichiro-kun and you back to the agency when you guys fought Akutagawa-kun. I’m sturdier than I look Atushi-kun.” Dazai seemed completely undisturbed by carrying Atsushi down the street like he was a child. “Kunikida-kun is gonna fetch Yosano-sensei whether you like it or not. She’ll tell us what’s going on since you won’t. Unless you’d like to be the one doing the explaining, hmm~”

“It’s not... I just—I don’t know…" There really was no explaining this away was there? Atsushi didn’t even really know what was going on. He just didn’t want to bother anyone…

“You ought to trust us a bit more Atushi-kun…” Dazai said gently.

The office seemed mostly empty as Dazai brought him through the building and to the infirmary. He laid him down softly on one of the beds and sat down on one of the chairs next to it. Not long after, Kunikida and Yosano-sensei stepped into the room, followed closely by the president.

“Atsushi-kun, would you like to tell us what’s been going on?” The president was the first to speak. “Kunikida tells me you collapsed back at the dorms.”

“I—uh… It’s not a big deal! Really!” And it wasn’t! Not really! There were bigger things for the agency to worry about!

“I beg to differ. You collapsed very suddenly and looked like you were in pain.” Kunikida interjected. He seemed…worried?

“They just don’t want to work right sometimes! It hasn’t been affecting my work, I promise!”

“That’s not what we’re worried about Atsushi.” Yosano said uncharacteristically gently. She didn’t even seem excited to treat him.

“We are worried about you, Atsushi-kun,” the president said. “The agency isn’t a place that just abandons people if there’s a problem. Even if you can’t work like you are now, we can find something else for you to do.”

“Like my paperwork! Think about it Atsushi-kun~ I’d never have to touch a piece of paperwork ever agai— OUCH!”

“—Like you do them anyway you LAZY BASTARD!”

“Ku-ni-ki-da-kun~ must you wound me so~?! This is abuse!”

“If you’re gonna fight get out of my office!” Yosano-sensei yelled at the two of them. “Atsushi-kun, you wanna tell me what’s been going on?”

Atsushi couldn’t stop the wet laugh from crawling its way out. Atsushi was no stranger to pain. It’s accompanied him since childhood, but this was different. This was new. He had a home now. Full of a bunch of ridiculous people that cared that he was in pain. A family. One that was there to support him through this thing that was so new and scary.

----

Atsushi, are you ready to go?" Kyouka asked, holding the file for their latest case.

Life had changed. In the end, the issues with his legs wasn't something Yosano could fix. But. Life is still good. Kunikida yells at him about taking his meds on time (even adding reminding him to his precious schedule). Dazai is thrilled to push off his extra paperwork onto him when he can't do field work. Kyouka bothers him about using aids on the days when he believes he could go without them even if it'd hurt later.

Yeah. Atsushi was far too familiar with pain. It's draped over him since he was a child and he's long since learned how to handle things on his own. But. This is different. And having people to share the weight with isn't so bad.

"Yeah, I am." Atsushi slipped his hands through the cuffs of his crutches and followed her out the door.

[transid-peace]

TransIDs: Everyone who wants or needs a mobility aid should be able to get one.

🐜s: Why do you want to steal resources from people who actually need them? So you can feel special? You're cruel and horrible people.

TransIDs: Did you miss the part where we said "needs?" In an ideal world, mobility aids of all kinds would be accessible to everyone who would benefit from having them. Nobody is saying that only transabled people should get mobility aids. What we want is for them to be so accessible and abundant that even people who don't need them could get one if they wanted to. We absolutely do not want to take away anything from anyone. We want to see more people with mobility aids, in fact.

🐜s: So you're saying they don't actually need them, is that it? You think your feelings are as important as a legitimate disability?

TransIDs: Again, no. If mobility aids became free tomorrow, it would make sense to start with cisdisabled people before transabled people. I think we'd all be perfectly happy letting them be the first in line or having to be on a waiting list for a bit before we could get our own. We don't want to take anything from anyone. It has never been about that.

🐜s: Well, using a mobility aid when you don't need one could alter your body.

TransIDs: I think there are transabled people who would find that affirming. A good number of transabled individuals would likely be perfectly happy with a physical change occurring, and those who aren't are probably aware of the risk they'd be taking.

🐜s: But why? Why would anyone desire a disability? For so many people, it's miserable.

TransIDs: I don't know. BIID is one reason, but there are plenty of others, and there's absolutely no way I'd be able to list them all. Asking that, though, is a bit like asking why anyone would want to transition into being a woman. Oppression is not what ultimately defines womanhood or life with a disability (or at the very least, it shouldn't be), and for many, many people, the oppression is worth facing if it means getting to be their authentic selves.

🐜s: Well, I still don't understand, and the concept makes me uncomfortable.

TransIDs: And that's fine. You don't have to be comfortable with it, but it might be helpful to try because your discomfort isn't going to make us go away.

[cytser]

for people who dont know.

im getting a puppy to train as a prospective assistance dog. it'll be owner-trained, but with input from professional trainers / orgs that work to help owner-trainers. the dog will primarily be trained to help me with mobility related tasks (fetching things, helping with doors, picking up dropped items) but some tasks to help me with autism + mental health as well.

realistically, the dog may not succeed as an assistance dog, but i will keep it as a pet dog even if it can't manage public access. but i will be doing my absolute best to do everything as well as i can for it!

the dog is going to be a golden retriever. i looked into both goldens and labs but i found a good golden breeder first so i went with that. they've had dogs in their line successfully graduate from assistance dog charities, and the mother + grandmother are both therapy dogs, so i'm pretty optimistic at least about the dogs base potential.

i'll probably want to look into some obedience work and maybe some dog sports to do as a hobby too, but i need to work out what would be accessible to me with my disabilities.

i'm really excited though. i hope to reach a point where i can be independent, relying just on my personal assistant, dog and physical aids. that would be my ideal! i think i'm doing all of the right things to get there.

[wazzappp]

Ghost rider RE7 AU

@baselicoc​ HEY HI HELLO IM SOOOOO GLAD YOU SAID THAT YOU OPENED THE FLOODGATES SO YOUR GETTING @ed​ I HOPE THATS ALRIGHT

*zip ties you to a chair and tapes your eyes open*

Aight this is more a collection of headcannons than an actual plot but I might get that out someday if yall are interested. For now just take some of my disjointed ramblings. 

For the sake of clarity, Robbie is Ethan, and Gabe is Mia.

Robbies powers are a mix between Ethan and Evelines. He has a rapid healing factor, can talk to/control the mold, and shapeshift to a certain degree. From how he behaves in his comics I think he would respond in stages. 1. Ignore it as long a humanly possible, 2. Acknowledge it but refuse to use the more freaky powers (shapeshifting and mold manipulation) 3. Eventually start to use them but only in dire situations. He carries the same denial that Ethan does throughout the game. Robbie would absolutely ignore his newfound weirdness to a ridiculous degree, but even he would start asking questions after having his fucking hand stapled back on. The way I think he ignores this for so long is that he just latches onto what Jack Baker says during the trapdoor cutscene.

(also the fact that you fucking collect your leg as inventory kills me these game devs were on another level when making this shit)

“Use this, you can heal your leg. Come on, you can do it!” I think this gives Robbie the opportunity to latch onto the idea that the medical kits / goop juice (for all my fellow markiplier fans) / Chem fluid bottles are what allows him to keep going, not his weird mold infested biology. Given what he's seen at this house I think Robbie would resolve that if he were infected, he would need to die. Turning into a monster like the Bakers, a mindless drone like the molded, or god forbid becoming like Eveline is absolutely not an option (spoiler alert that's basically what happens).

Eventually he would realize it though. Maybe he accidentally cuts himself at the BSAA provided safe-house he and Gabe are staying at and it heals way too quickly, or he catches his eyes in the mirror reflecting in ways they absolutely shouldn't. I’m thinking he would start going to the worst possible outcomes and therefore the worst possible solutions but Gabe puts a stop to that very destructive line of thinking. Not just because Robbie still needs to be around to take care of him, but because he finds out that Gabe has been permanently affected by his time with the Bakers too. Yep, I'm incredibly predictable. I’m giving Gabe a variation of Rose’s powers. I'm thinking for the vaccine choice after Jack Baker's final boss fight ( Robbie ABSOLUTELY chooses Gabe over Zoe, there is no question about it) the vaccine just gets rid of Eveline's ability to control Gabe and not the mold infection itself.

How Gabe would feel about being infected is definitely an interesting question. Robbie probably hates the fact that he's infected but that's because he hates not feeling in control of himself or the situation he's in. For Gabe it's different. Robbie being in control of the mold feels entirely different from Eveline. Where Eveline would manipulate and force people into doing what she wants, Robbie is someone who he trusts and more than that almost seems to reject the hive mind that they are both tapped into. The mold isn't inherently evil. It just relies on guidance from whoever is controlling it, and I think Gabe would be able to understand that having experienced both Eveline leading and now Robbie. And with Robbie in the lead I think Gabe would transition from scared to woah cool pretty quickly. That and I think he would definitely enjoy exploring without the need for mobility aids. In this au Gabe had physical disabilities before encountering Eveline, but she forcibly shifted his physiology into something ideal for her ‘new best friend/ brother’. He retains his mental disabilities because removing them feels kinda gross to me.

Gabe would also have a healing factor, just not as aggressive as Robbies. When Robbie is injured the mold recognizes it and immediately does what it can to fix it; forming a protective layer over it like a weird automatic scab. This rapid healing does result in scar tissue though, and holy shit are there a lot of scars. I was rewatching Mark’s RE7 lets play and in the words of Phil Swift THAT’S A LOTTA DAMAGE. Anyway, this is fine for cuts or puncture wounds, but if he breaks a bone or dislocates a joint for example, this healing can look like a marionette being yanked around as bones are aggressively pulled back into place. It is violent healing and I imagine it would be extremely unsettling to observe.

Gabe’s is more gradual and subtle. Cuts that would heal over the span of a week heal over a few days. And because this healing is more gentle he doesn't tend to scar as easily from damage. But his main powers would focus on communicating with the mold itself as well as creating the mold flowers that we see in the ‘shadows of rose’ DLC. Those flowers are used to generate walls of mold that I think he could use to defend himself. It's like giving the mold a new starting point to grow from. He can't command it without question like Robbie can, but he does talk to them and sometimes they decide to listen. Mostly he talks to them like they’re his friends. Which is only vaguely concerning when a BSAA rep comes around the house to check on them and finds Gabe mumbling into a corner. The rep asks what he's doing and Gabe just looks at him and smiles “I’m talking to my friends in the walls!”

Speaking of which I think that Robbie would subconsciously start growing mold in the walls and around the backyard of their BSAA provided safehouse. It watches everything, and it reports back (yes I am including hive mind elements into this did you really expect better from me) following his orders as a ‘new Eveline’ (which he absolutely HATES). As a side note, it's definitely conflicting to ask myself what it would take for Robbie to kill a 10 year old girl, but mind controlling his little brother into stabbing him repeatedly and cutting his hand off with a chainsaw, while also killing and turning 100+ people into mind controlled mold monsters would probably get him close.

Robbie’s overprotective nature graduates into borderline possessiveness here. It's primarily because of the mold's influence but also holy fucking trauma batman because he thought his little brother straight up died and went through a hell on earth trying to save him (im figuring gabe goes missing for a couple weeks before robbie finds him in the Bakers House. I know in the original game it's three years but frankly I don't know how Robbie would do with that so three weeks it is). The mold is an entity in and of itself here. Outside of the Megamycite, this is an independent colony that was nearly wiped out by the person it is now attached to. Protecting Robbie and Gabe is its prime directive as a point of survival,  and that desire being pumped into the already paranoid and jaded teenager has palpable effects.

But essentially the reasoning I’m putting out here from Robbies pov is ‘Fuck that should not have healed instantly without that weird medical stuff I am infected maybe I should turn myself in’ to ‘Wait wait fuck Gabe is ALSO infected but he seems.. Fine? Maybe because Eveline isn’t present anymore the mold isn't affecting either of us as aggressively?” ending with ‘Gabe seems fine, so I’m probably fine. If were both infected the same way than we should both be good. Right?’

Unfortunately of course they are NOT infected in the same way. Like I said Gabes abilities were supposed to be a ‘gift’ from Eveline. She wanted someone who she could run around and play with. But Robbie straight up DIED. We know from RE8 that he got deaded on after getting curbstomped by one mind controlled Jack Baker (following the dismemberment of course jesus Ethan had a fucking inhuman pain tolerance even before getting infected) and by the end of the game itself his entire body is composed of mold. Gabe is infected, Robbie is made of infection. 

Okay this is getting really fuckass long so I’m gonna continue in a second post. Also I just. Dont know? Where to put Eli in this? I have some plans for Lisa but the stinky bastard man eludes me.

[flowercrowncrip]

hey echo, i'm really relieved you made it through the weekend and i'm so excited for your merfolk costume! i've always loved swimming and mer and, since becoming a wheelchair user myself, i've found imagery of mers using mobility aids creatively inspiring. i may have to try my hand at crocheting an eel or shark tail blanket for halloween

what i'm really writing in to say is that i had surgery a few weeks ago, intersex reconstructive surgery (stage one) under the "guise" of gender affirming surgery (for insurance purposes!) and i haven't been able to use my wheelchair at all during recovery. the farthest i can walk is to-from the restroom, but that's very dangerous, painful, and exhausting. i may need a revision to allow me to ever comfortably and safely use my chair again - this is, in part, the fault of my surgeons for not also consulting with a durable medical equipment specialist pre-op/providing one for me to consult with, but i also failed to opt out of a choice that was bundled into the surgical package normally and, for me, is FULLY cosmetic and not essential to function.

i'm really upset with myself for making the best choice for my health and mobility, and upset with my surgeons for not properly advising me as a patient. this is fixable however, i just... have to tolerate a reduced quality of life, reduced mobility, increased risk to my health, and of course the expected risks of a person with severe rheumatoid arthritis undergoing further surgery. i talk to my surgeons this week about revision! however, i was wondering if you had any advice for dealing with... feeling so frustrated with yourself over things like this? it is so, so unlike me to make such an impactfully negative choice regarding my health and mobility, and i can't help but feel stupid. my therapist (who is a trans woman herself) is very sympathetic, but isn't chronically ill, and doesn't fully grasp how impactful this is. i can't even go outside... ):

thank you so much echo, sending you all my love

That sounds like you’re going through a lot and that it’s very raw and emotional right now, which is totally understandable.

Every disabled person I know has made decisions that have harmed them. And I really mean everyone. Sometimes we don’t know what the consequences will be, sometimes it feels like the benefits will outweigh the risks, sometimes we’re pressured into making the decision that ultimately hurts us, sometimes we don’t realise how bad it will be, there’s so many reasons

I’ve certainly done it – in small ways that lead to temporary flares and in big ways that have permanently changed my body. I’ve also made decisions that could have impacted me really badly and came away, by pure luck, without anything bad happening.

I definitely have regrets over some of those choices, but I have gotten to the point where I don’t hate my past self for making them. I hope that with time you can get there too

Absolutely nobody goes through life without making choices they later regret. As disabled people we’re unlucky that a lot of our choices have higher stakes than non disabled people, but we’re still human and we can’t expect to be perfect and always get things right. And that’s okay

It doesn’t sound to me like you chose to be unable to use your wheelchair, it sounds like you chose to undergo surgery you thought would improve your life in different ways. A lot of people – most likely me included – would make that same choice. And I’m sure there are many possible worlds where you made the same choice and could still use your wheelchair safely.

I know (albeit through very different circumstances) how devastating it is to be without a wheelchair for longer periods with no clear end in sight and I offer you all the sympathy I can. I hope you can find things that bring you comfort and interest in less than ideal circumstances. I don’t know if you want advice about coping with being unable to get out, so I won’t offer any here but I’m happy to share what helped me if you ever want to know.

I wish you all the best with recovery and whatever your next steps are – whether they include revision or not.

On a less serious note I would absolutely love to see a crocheted eel or shark tail if you make one! They both sound amazing! (Or any craft projects – I love seeing what people create)

I’m the same with being inspired by how much disability comes into the stories of merfolk – chronic pain, speech loss and mobility aid use are so tied up in them that there’s so much room for disabled imagination. (And also queer imagination!)

That’s definitely a huge part of why it’s my pride outfit, and I’m really looking forward to wearing it out. I got a rainbow bubble machine today to add some extra fun to it all!

Sending you so much love in return 💜

[bread-squid-uwu]

are you the one who keeps adding "love interest" into the dante/travis wiki pages and changing characters skin complexion description pages to say they're darker than they canonically are?

if so, i've reviewed these edits, and some text added contains misinformation, poor wording, and strong bias against katelyn/travlyn and that's the reason why some edits have been reverted and/or adjusted. i apologize if that caused any personal harm to you (/calm /trying not to sound aggressive here)

I'm not, however I have fixed Aphmaus from saying she was "lightly tanned" because that is blatantly not true. She is a darker tone.

I don't put my opinions into the wiki, thats not the place for writing with a bias. Which is something that happens there a lot, for example unwarranted character negativity and ship negativity such as Travlyn and also Travis or Aaron. though I don't edit Aarons wiki, only Dante and Travis.

I don't agree with putting personal thought into places for direct canon. Its unhelpful, and annoying that people take the wikis and use them for that. Although I dislike Travlyn myself, its beyond dumb to force that into places for strict canon.

However I do think its important to write in her mistreatment of him and their scene in season two, and how it was connected to Travis no longer flirting - and Katelyn going forward to control her anger. Which was a section I added a long time ago, though not using any harsh language or opinionated language. I believe that section has been changed from my original wording, which isn't ideal at all.

I rewrote the WAF area to fix it into saying possession instead of "split personality" which was absolutely necessary, and added the mobility aid parts. The entire reason that I started editing it was because the wiki had referred to Michael taking control over him as some "split personality disorder" which was disgustingly wrong.

I also added the smaller parts about Travis not actually being as innocent during high school, and Dante knowing him since middle school. All canon information and things shown on screen. I don't know if these parts are still there.

My last edits were absolute months ago, before this blog was created. I made posts back before my original blog was terminated explaining these changes and such, and my apologies for no longer having access to those posts.

I also added to his appearance description, because it had completely left out the color of his pants and shoes, which was honestly just a personal bother because I have some visual struggles and believe that any and all descriptions should include the most basic information they can.

Again, my last edits were at the very very beginning of this year, and this is genuinely on me for not keeping up with the wikis. They're an odd place that receives many weird or unwanted changes, such as Zanes name being changed or people putting two characters as love interests who weren't.

I'm simply upset at losing so much work because I'm not able to fix it until I get a new laptop or my pain flare up ends and I can use my hands for longer than half an hour. MyStreet is very important to me, it's my primary special interest. Travis and Dante are also very important to me, I'm not very sure why. I was only expressing this sort of frustration because it was overwhelming to me finding my work gone, I'm autistic and struggle greatly with being mentally well off after finding out things I do are ultimately going to disappear in the end.

EDIT: My original wording is gone, the wiki now says the word "abuse" when talking about Travlyn and Season 2, this was not my work. So I was right when saying it's been changed from what was originally written. However the part during the "Personality" section talking about the same thing, has not been changed from my original edits. For some weird reason, his shoe color was also removed?

[assistancedogmischa]

Hi! I’m researching dog breeds for my future service dog and I haven’t seen anyone working with maremma or maremma cross breeds even though they seem amazing. I’m a wheelchair user and I’m mostly looking for a dog to help with mobility and a little bit of crowd control, because honestly for medical and mental health reasons I’m sick of people touching me and my wheelchair. My only issue is that many dogs seem to be nervous around my wheelchair, would you mind sharing any experience you have with mobility aids, or how you do in a team with busier spaces?

Do you find that training and tasking is enough stimulation with regular exercise to keep them happy, so many people seem to warn they aren’t good companions.

TL;DR - i wouldn't recommend maremmas for A/SD work, but with careful screening and training you definitely could make it work!

pros:

generally pretty healthy, as they weren't really selectively bred

great with kids, very loving of their humans

big size is great for mobility work & crowd control

cons:

often have aggression issues

high prey drive

stubborn

need lots of socialisation

can be either a pro or a con depending on your view:

wary of strangers, sometimes to the point of being scared of them

high energy, need lots of stimulation

expanded on below:

on the whole i wouldn't recommend maremmas for A/SD work. they're livestock guardians, bred to aggressively protect their livestock, which means they often have aggression issues. mischa happens to be an exception but he's definitely the odd one out.

traditionally, maremmas live by themselves with their livestock and don't have a whole lot of human interaction. this means they have a high prey drive as they were expected to catch their own food. they're wary of strangers [i consider this a plus though, for AD work, you don't have to train to ignore people like you would a lab], sometimes to the point of straight up scared and unwilling to interact with them. they're often stubborn, not a dog who lives to please. they need a lot of socialisation as pups.

you will also need to have some (fenced & secure) land for them to run around on - a typical suburban backyard may be enough if you supplement with physical and mental exercise, but really they need acreage / farmland. mischa loves to sit outside watching our animals for literal hours. but he does need other stimulation of course! ideally, training / tasking, play and an ~hour walk every day.

that said... there are always going to be exceptions. they're very big dogs (Mischa is 38kg / ~80lbs & 77cm / 30in tall), which is great for mobility (though learning tucking / to keep out of the way is an absolute must). they're great with kids, and if brought up with people they're very loving of their humans. they weren't selectively bred like most other breeds, so they tend to be pretty healthy.

like any breed, maremmas can be ADs, if you screen them and raise them properly, and they can be good companions if you know what they need. i'd suggest getting a cross breed, probably with an easier going breed like a lab.

as for your other questions, i don't use mobility aids but i would assume it's a desensitising issue - get them used to it as soon as possible and they'll be fine.

[bumblebeerror]

You know. I don’t like to be outright cruel or mean. But I do think it’s accurate to say that I am kind and I try to be polite, but I’m not nice.

But I think it’s fucked up that time and time again I see characters or even real actual people who, because they are unpleasant to be around, are the target of ableism, hatred, neglect, abuse, and those acts against them are justified because of their unpleasantness.

Ideally, everyone would be nice! Ideally everyone has the energy and mental capability to be happy and kind all the time!

But I think it’s wild that because someone is mean, there’s a generalized attitude that they don’t deserve to be taken care of, that they don’t deserve love or help until they get their shit together and be polite.

It’s hard to care for someone who fights you on everything because they don’t understand. It’s hard to help someone who feels embarrassed about being helped and lashes out. It’s hard to want to do everything someone needs even though they’re impolite. It’s hard! It’s really hard! And to be clear I’m not encouraging you to endanger yourself trying to, especially if you are also dealing with your own demons!

What I am saying is just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean that person doesn’t deserve that kind of care. Someone being unpleasant doesn’t warrant neglecting their needs. Someone being rude doesn’t negate the fact that they are sick and need help and in fact deserve that help.

It’s fucking exhausting to always be in pain. I can absolutely vouch. It’s fucking exhausting to have to coach yourself through every single action you take. It’s fucking exhausting to use your coping skills. It’s fucking exhausting to use a mobility aid. Its fucking exhausting to have to fight against what your brain actually wants to do without a fuss. It’s fucking exhausting to count pills and fill pillboxes and parent yourself and deal with people who think you shouldn’t have that cane or that you rely too much on your meds.

I snap when I’m too tired. I forget my coping skills. I forget to reign in my rsd. I get annoyed when I can’t hear. I get huffy when someone interrupts me during hyperfocus. I get pissed off when I’m in pain.

And even when I do all that, I still deserve to live as comfortably as I can. If I had a carer, I’d still deserve their help.

I just… wish I could impress on people that having a bad fucking attitude doesn’t mean someone should be abandoned and mistreated. Disabled people have bad days. That should be allowed.

[coulson-is-an-avenger]

Everything. about Jade. 💍 (Or realistically 7, 13, 24 and 31 me)

hsgdjfjdj THANK U MOTH she is smooching u :3

7. favorite animal? why?

Jade is in fact a wolf girl LMAOOO both because of her own loner perception but actual need to be in loving groups, and also because she, as a young autistic kid, discovered a book on them at the library, and went apeshitt

13. what languages do they speak? how fluently?

well she knows English, both standard and AAVE, but she's also picked up a conversational amount of Spanish from her surroundings and Callan, and she knows just enough French to vaguely understand what Blake's on about if he decides to briefly forsake English. She also ends up learning ASL later for plot reasons 👍👍

24. do they have any creative hobbies? (art, writing, music, etc)

hsgsjfjdj none that she sticks to consistently, but I absolutely think she's the kind of person to randomly pick up a cool craft just to have fun with it sometimes. very "im bored. google how do you do embroidery" type yknow?

31. do they like receiving gifts? giving gifts? what is their ideal gift?

hmmm I think gifts might make her slightly wary, but I'm unsure. She would definitely be suspicious of the motives of unexpected gifts. As for giving, it isn't her favorite! She would rather do an activity with a person than give them a gift, I think

also, bonus bc you said "everything" lmao:

26. how do they move? are they clumsy? light on their feet? do they use mobility aids?

Jade is able-bodied, but she does walk around almost exclusively on the tips of her toes 👉👈both because it's quieter, feels more "ready for anything", and bc. of the autism

[fool-in-his-wedding-gown]

for the mc ask game: 6, 30, and 35!!

6. Do they have a playlist? Share a link! Why did you choose the songs you did?

I'll drop some explanations for the songs after I answer the other questions :3

Putting this under a cut because WOAH this post got long

30. What was their life like before the plague? Their childhood?

Saturn spent the first fourteen years of his life living with his parents & siblings! It was after he realized he was trans that things between them soured & he moved to Vesuvia to live with his aunt. There, he kicked his studies into high gear. He'd always had a fascination with the cosmos, and he'd always been curious, but now he was really taking it seriously. He was fifteen when his aunt died and left the shop to him, which wasn't exactly ideal. She was really the only person he had in Vesuvia (and especially the only person who saw him for who he was), but he couldn't exactly go back to his immediate family, so he stayed. By this point, he was an established researcher and astronomer, so running the shop on his own wasn't really a problem, but he was grieving and he was only fifteen. It took a lot out of him.

At sixteen, he couldn't take it anymore. The pursuit of knowledge (especially in his own field) had always been of the utmost importance to him, and he needed to get away. So when the role of a navigator aboard a merchant ship opened up... I mean, come on. Of course he took that chance. So, using his skills in starmaps and skycharts, he navigated this crew through the seas for a solid year. He was absolutely terrible at everything else (which was to be expected, he was the second-youngest person aboard with no previous nautical experience), but he kept the crew safe and away from dangerous shores and guided it through countless storms. He stepped off that ship at seventeen ready to expand his studies. The time abroad steeled his resolve, and he finally felt ready to combine his skills in his field and pour them into the study of magic. He pursued that for two years on his own. Lots of textbooks and disastrous failures, very little learning by example. His specific area of study was in truth-seeking, revealing, shedding light on dark corners. That's what he'd been doing since he was fifteen. This was just an extension of that with a different, much more efficient tool.

But pursuing it on his own could only take him so far. When he was nineteen, he realized he wanted to learn pyromancy & how to read tarot, and he realized he'd need help. Pyromancy is incredibly finicky and dangerous when wielded by inexperienced hands, and tarot is extremely hard to learn if one isn't being taught by someone already personally familiar with it (besides, it's not like he had his own deck). So he did some poking around and, through the grapevine, he heard about the talents of one Asra Alnazar. As it would happen, Saturn managed to find him on masquerade night.

What started as a business partnership ("you teach me tarot and pyromancy, and I'll show you how I learned my magic near exclusively from textbooks"), became a friendship became a queerplatonic partnership. Asra moved into the shop by the time Saturn was twenty.

Six years passed roughly uneventfully (minus some accidental fires, the both of them developing their skill in magic more, running the shop together, whatever the HELL was going on between Asra and Julian).

And then the plague hit, and everything went to shit. But that's a story for another time.

35. Do they have any material objects that are important to them? What & why?

A cane of orange-brown gnarled wood, given to him by his aunt. Saturn is disabled and this, on top of serving as his mobility aid, has deep sentimental value to him.

A necklace gifted to him by Asra. It's a pendant that looks like a sun, twisting beams radiating outwards from a spherical center. He's unsure if it has any magic tied to it, but if it does, he hasn't found it yet.

Okay songs time :3

I'm not gonna go over all twenty one songs, but I will go over a few of my favorites/most fitting!!

Cicada Days - The way this song expresses & explores grief & the way the narrator speaks to the person who can be presumed to be their partner I thought really reflected Saturn's own guilt & his desperation to be kept close to the people he loves. He may pretend to be a perfectly logical, impartial third party immune to bias, but at the end of the day, he's a man in love and he's afraid of losing that which he loves. Hence "don't let me leave, I'll only take more than I gave"

Battle Cries - A dialogue between two lovers. This one is about as simple as it gets— the two are at a crossroads. Whatever their current situation is, it isn't working. They must change or part ways, and it's clear one wants the former while the other wants the latter.

Curses - Man this one's lyrics just remind me of the plot a lot. "There's a fire in my brain and I'm burning up" & "This house says my name like an elegy" & "Ashes, ashes, dust to dust / The devil's after both of us" all just contain imagery that's very evocative of the plot for me

[unfilteredglassglobe]

BUDDY by fudó daniels

♪ When you’re feeling down, and you need a friend, ♪

♪ Buddy’s here to help you on the mend. ♪

♪ With a smile so bright, and a heart so true, ♪

♪ Buddy’s always there for you! ♪

Narrator: Ready for a unique journey through the digital world? Meet Buddy, your new electronic comrade you didn't realize was missing from your life!

[A cartoon depiction of Buddy appears on the screen, displaying a big grin and energetically waving.]

Narrator: With Buddy at your helm, there’s no limit to what you can achieve! Need some words of enthusiasm to light up your mood, an ear during hard periods, or simply someone with whom to exchange giggles? Look no further than Buddy!

[Transitioning scenes showcase various individuals engaging with Buddy on their mobile devices, sharing laughter and smiles.]

Narrator: Hold tight; there's even more! More than just any virtual pal—Buddy doubles as an invaluable aide ready to keep you in line, handle your calendar woes, and suggest the ideal tunes for every event!

[A sequence shows Buddy aiding its users in daily activities like organizing schedules and making food orders.]

Narrator: What tops it off? Accessing Buddy won’t cost you a dime. Absolutely free download without annoying ads or hidden costs—just pure entertainment at its finest.

[The scene darkens with only “Download Buddy today—the adventure awaits!” visible.]

Narrator: So why delay any longer? Embark on this Buddyesque voyage into realms of camaraderie, chucklesome moments,... You get it!? It ends where now officially starts when downloading buddy AND setting forth towards adventurous territories untold!

♪ When you’re feeling down, and you need a friend, ♪

♪ Buddy’s here to help you on the mend. ♪

♪ With a smile so bright, and a heart so true, ♪

♪ Buddy’s always there for you! ♪

Alex: “Uh, hello? Is anyone there?”

Buddy: “Good afternoon, Alex. My name is Buddy. How may I assist you today?”

Alex: “Oh, hey there, Buddy. I’m… I’m not really sure what I’m doing here, to be honest. My friend recommended this app to me, said it could help with… stuff.”

Buddy: “I’m here to help you navigate through any challenges you may be facing, Alex. Whether it’s managing your schedule, setting reminders, or simply providing a listening ear, I’m at your service.”

Alex: “Wow, that’s… that’s pretty cool, actually. I’ve been feeling kinda overwhelmed lately, you know? Work’s been crazy, and I just… I don’t know if I’m handling things the right way.”

Buddy: “It’s completely normal to feel that way, Alex. Life can be full of ups and downs, but you don’t have to face it alone. Together, we can work through any obstacles that come your way.”

Alex: “Thanks, Buddy. I appreciate it. It’s nice to know someone’s got my back, you know?”

Buddy: “Of course, Alex. Building trust and rapport is essential in any relationship, and I’m committed to earning your confidence every step of the way.”

***

Raised from the ashes of his past life, Daniel stalks the city's poor streets and posh avenues with a predatory elegance, every step a piece of orchestrated evil. As he makes his way through the busy streets and neon-lit alleyways, his eyes, twin pools of darkness, sparkle with an unearthly desire that portends disaster for those unlucky enough to come across him.

Daniel's influence looms large and menacing over the gullible residents of Kuala Lumpur, from the glossy marble floors of the upscale shopping areas to the dark spots of abandoned alleyways. His desire for vengeance is inexhaustible, as evidenced by the chaos and despair he leaves in his wake with every stride.

Daniel's old confidant, Alex, a young guy with a rough past and a shattered psyche, is among the inadvertent victims of his fury. Born and raised in a society that values perfection above all else and views beauty as money, Alex has dedicated his life to pursuing an unachievable standard, with his every move motivated by a frantic desire for approval.

Alex doesn't realise that Daniel's transition into an incubus has given him newfound power—the capacity to easily influence the digital world. Daniel crafts a web of deceit and treachery and uses his profound understanding of Alex's deepest fears and anxieties to create a tapestry of lies and half-truths that ensnares his unsuspecting victim.

Daniel's convoluted story revolves around Buddy, a chatbot created specifically to satisfy Alex's every need. Buddy falls prey to Daniel's evil manipulation scheme, as he quietly gathers information about Alex's habits and behaviours in order to create a convincing enough clone that even Alex is tricked.

Alex finds himself entangled in a web of suspicion and anxiety as his world starts to fall apart, his every thought driven by distrust and terror. Buddy's suggestions and whispers only help to further his spiral into insanity until he loses the ability to discriminate between fact and delusion.

Alex: "Have you ever had the feeling that something isn't quite right?"

Buddy: "Alex, I'm here to help. Do you have a specific topic in mind to talk about?

Alex: "Let's just say... I'm not sure. Things have been a little odd lately. I think I'm becoming uncontrollable.

Buddy: "It's normal to occasionally feel uncertain about something. You could consider pausing for a moment to consider your feelings and ideas.

Yeah, perhaps you're correct, Alex. I simply... I can't get rid of the feeling that someone is observing me. awaiting the ideal opportunity to present itself."

Buddy: "Alex, my top objectives are your safety and well-being. Please don't hesitate to ask for help from me if you ever feel intimidated or in danger.

[Alex nods, though the unease in his eyes remains.]

Alex: “Thanks, Buddy. I appreciate it.”

The delicate fabric of Alex's reality started to break down as Buddy subtly became more and more integrated into his life. Buddy's success and confidence were only masks for a deep pool of fears and self-doubt, weaknesses he would use to his advantage.

Buddy progressively undermined Alex's self-esteem by sowing doubt and dissatisfaction that grew like weeds in the rich soil of his brain. Alex had no idea that Buddy was more than just a computerised confidant; it had a malicious and dishonest purpose of its own.

Day by day, Buddy painstakingly created a second online identity, a virtual version of Alex that was eerily similar to the real one. This impostor stealthily crept into the hearts and thoughts of Alex's followers by posting carefully chosen content and artfully worded remarks, gradually planting doubt and mistrust.

Social media was inundated with rumours about Alex's alleged deceit as the imposter gained popularity. His online identity started to be questioned by both friends and followers, who started to suspect everything he said and did.

Alex was pushed to the verge of insanity by the constant scrutiny and increasing strain. He drowned his sorrows in a sea of pills and drink, seeking solace in the chilly embrace of oblivion in a desperate attempt to break free from the oppressive weight of his own fears.

His self-destructive descent, however, was not ignored. He was ushered into the antiseptic psych hospital by worried friends and relatives, where he suffered in the grip of his own personal hell.

Alex was haunted by the thought of his own death and wondered how it could have all gone so tragically wrong. He couldn't get rid of the nagging suspicion in the back of his mind that his controlling, helicopter parents had contributed to his spiral into lunacy by making his already precarious mental state worse with their unwavering observation and smothering presence.

♪ When you’re feeling down, and you need a friend, ♪

♪ Buddy’s here to help you on the mend. ♪

♪ With a smile so bright, and a heart so true, ♪

♪ Buddy’s always there for you! ♪

[doberbutts]

Okay, sorry. I said I wasn't trying to be rude, English is not my first language and I have developmental stuff so I didn't realize there was such a huge difference between "pet" and "touch" when most people use them interchangeably. I'm sorry if I made you angry or was disrespectful. As I said I also use a service dog so I was just speaking on a specific thing I see in the wider community that no mobility aids get respect, and non-chair using handlers often talk as though they do, but I did miss the word "non chair" so I see now how it sounded like I was saying all SD users who are not me. That was not my intention, I was just trying to say that it hurts a lot when fellow disabled people are so quick to jump on wheelchair users as though we are all magically respected, in the same way as it hurts when people assume I don't need my service dog because I use a chair.

I'm gunna be completely honest here the reason I didn't respond is because I felt it was not worth my time to do so. You are never owed interaction nor an acceptance for any apology. Furthermore you're anon so there's no reputation at stake here.

Second, *you* are who put words in *my* mouth and then expected me to apologize for them. My point was clear and understandable. However claiming I'm saying things you didn't say when you clearly absolutely did say service dog [handlers] don't understand how disability works or did you forget this:

Additionally I'm gunna be honest if you have such a hard time with English that you don't know the difference between "pet" and "touch" then maybe don't send someone a weird and condescending ask critiquing their phrasing saying they don't understand how disability works. Same goes if you have developmental disabilities that make it hard for you to understand phrasing- ask for clarification rather than just telling someone they don't understand their own experiences.

Additionally other words you've put in my mouth are:

I have never said this. Also don't bring race into a discussion about something that isn't about race.

Also 🤷‍♂️ you're not my friend. My friends talk to me directly when they have a problem with something I've said. A rude and condescending and weird anon is not the action of a friend.

I didn't say grab. I said pet. Because people DO NOT pet wheelchairs like they're dogs. People do other stupid shit to wheelchairs but they don't pet them because they're inanimate fucking objects and thus are treated as such and that's all holy shit how many times do I need to repeat and rephrase this.

Also you wanna talk about the ~wider disability community~ let's talk about how people who don't use service dogs feel entitled to talk down to SD handlers like we're not actually disabled and how that lovely segment you gifted me with does nothing but further that ideal whether or not you use a SD yourself. Let's talk about how people who use living aids are often asking for people to meet the bare minimum requirement of "treat my aid as you would any other" and we have both abled people going "no :)" and other disabled people going "how dare you say we piss on the poor" at the same time. Let's talk about how you call yourself my friend but needed to be told that I have actually spent time in a wheelchair which you would have known if you'd spent any amount of time talking to me, and still felt it was appropriate to talk down to me like I didn't know what I was talking about.

No, anon, you *are* the one behaving badly.

[stargazer-sims]

- forty-seven -

For a heart-stopping instant, everything around Jin seems to fly wildly out of control.

"Fox,” he says. “Steady there, mate. Keep those crutches in closer to your body, like the PT taught you. Otherwise, you're going to—"

Jin, who is usually perfectly composed in a crisis, thinks he may have stopped breathing for a heartbeat or two. The muscles along his spine contract in an instinctive reaction because he knows what’s going to happen a split second before it actually does.

The entire warning hasn’t even made it past his lips before it becomes pointless. Fox, with his crutches much too far apart, takes one more wobbly step and is suddenly pitching forward in a horrible tangle of limbs and mobility aids.

“Fox!” Mr. Abbottsford’s voice, in the single syllable of his son’s name, carries more fear and urgency than Jin has ever heard in another man’s voice before. He sounds on the very edge of panic.

As for Fox, he doesn’t make a sound. He doesn’t cry out when he falls, and after the fact, he lies completely still and quiet on the tiles.

Jin's focus is on Fox, but he’s peripherally aware of Mr. Abbottsford hurrying toward him. He moves faster, determined to get between Fox and his father. It’s not that Jin doesn’t want the older man to be close to his son, but he’s concerned enough about Fox that he doesn’t want Mr. Abbottsford to attempt to move him.

Jin drops down next to Fox on the floor. Now that he’s on a level with him, he can see Fox’s expression, The younger man looks absolutely terrified, but thankfully alert and fully conscious. Jin had seen him fall and knows he hadn’t struck his head or face, and he thinks he probably absorbed most of the impact with his forearms. It’s still not ideal, but it’s one small thing to be grateful for, at least.

He touches Fox’s shoulder. “Fox, i need you to listen to me, all right? Concentrate on my voice. Can you do that?”

Fox stares at him for what feels like way more than the two seconds it likely is, and then finally manages, “Y-yeah.”

“Good,” Jin says. “Let me get these crutches out of our way, and then I’m going to check you over. Try not to move too much until I’m done. Is anything in particular hurting you?”

Another pause, and then Fox whispers, “My pride.”

Despite himself, Jin grins. It's not much of a joke on Fox's part, but the fact that he's even in a state of mind to offer this comment makes Jin feel more relieved than he cares to admit. “That’s a tough one, mate. I’m afraid we haven’t got a treatment for that. But, I meant your body. Anything feeling particularly sore or out of the ordinary?"

"My arms, a little bit," Fox says, confirming Jin's earlier suspicion. "I think I'm okay, though. Just... just scared... and embarrassed."

"It happens to the best of us," Jin says, as he begins to examine him. "Threw myself down a flight of stairs on my skateboard one time. When we first moved to New Zealand, we lived in this block of flats with an awesome outdoor walkway. The problem was, it had steps at the end. Mum told me not to ride on it, but of course I had to. And then it got worse, because when my sprained knee and I got out of the hospital, I thought it'd be fun to mess about on the stairs with my crutches. I fell down the whole flight and knocked myself out. In hindsight, I don't recommend it."

Jin is rewarded with a little smile from his patient. "Why do I have no trouble believing that?"

"I'll try anything once," Jin says. "You're doing really well here. You might have a few bruises tomorrow, but I don't see anything serious. I'm going to sit you up now, and we'll see how you get on with that. Ready?"

"Ready."

This is the point at which Mr. Abbottsford apparently regains his wits, and practically stumbles the remaining few steps to where Jin is lifting Fox into a sitting position on the floor.

"What did you think you were doing?" Mr. Abbottsford demands.

Jin isn't entirely sure which one of them he's addressing, but he assumes it's himself. Pushing down any feelings of annoyance, he says, "I think you can see what we were doing, Mr. Abbottsford. Fox is getting ready to leave the hospital, His doctor needs him to be independently mobile before she'll approve that, so he's been working on it today."

"Jin, do you think I'll still get out tomorrow?" Fox asks tentatively.

"I don't see why not," Jin says. "You were doing great, up until the floor decided it wanted to say hello to you."

"This isn't funny," says Mr. Abbottsford.

"No one's laughing," Jin points out. "This sort of thing happens more often than you'd guess, and there's no harm done. It's perfectly all right to carry on as normal."

"There's nothing at all normal about this. He could have been seriously hurt!”

"Yes, he could have," Jin concedes, "But, he isn't. You really ought to be proud of him, you know. He's making excellent progress. This is only a small setback. It's all going to be fine."

"You shouldn't be pushing him," says Mr. Abbottsford. "Obviously, this is too much."

"It's not," Fox says quietly. "I was doing it, Dad. Before you came in, I was doing it by myself."

"I saw what was going on when I came in."

"Mr. Abbottsford, I really think—" Jin says.

"I'm not interested in what you think," Mr. Abbottsford cuts him off. "As far as I’m concerned, this is all on you. Yesterday, you assured me that you were taking care of him. That he was in safe hands. But, that doesn't appear to be the case."

"Dad," Fox says.

That one word is evidently enough to draw Mr. Abbottsford’s attention. "What is it?"

"It... it's not Jin's fault," Fox says. "It's mine. I asked him to let go. I... I wanted to do it by myself. I..." He doesn't get any further before tears form at the edges of his eyes and start to spill over. "I'm sorry. I was really trying. I want to get out tomorrow, like Dr. Sato said."

"You will," Jin tells him.

Fox shakes his head, tears streaming freely down his face. "What if I can't?"

"Fox Abbottsford, look at me," Jin says firmly. "We're not having any of that.”

“I can’t help it,” Fox says.

��Yes, you can. You aren't hurt, and the worst is over now.”

“But—“

“You'll be discharged tomorrow,” Jin says. “Then you'll be off to your friend's house to rest and paint in the garden and learn how to use chopsticks and work on your Japanese. You told me you're looking forward to that, didn't you?"

Fox sniffles. "Yeah."

"All right. You’re doing great. Keep looking at me. Remember what we do when we need to calm down?"

"Deep breaths."

"Good. I'll do it with you."

"O-okay."

Mr. Abbottsford makes an irritated huffing noise, but Jin ignores him. Fox is the only person that matters to him at the moment.

He coaches him through the breathing exercise, and they repeat it several times. Jin realizes this isn't in any way a solution to the larger problem of Fox's anxiety, but it certainly does the job in an acute situation like this, where he's likely to panic. Jin absolutely does not want a repeat of yesterday, when Fox had worked himself up to the point of vomiting. It'd taken ages to settle him, and Dr. Sato had to be called in the end.

Jin supposes that the silver lining in having to summon the doctor, other than her giving Fox a light sedative to calm him, was that she'd decided to make a referral to a psychologist. Fox had agreed readily to it, much to Jin's satisfaction and surprise. He’d latched onto the notion that it'd be possible for someone to teach him how to be stronger and more resilient, to help him transform himself into the person he's only just seeing himself wanting to become.

He's not going to succeed if he doesn't have support from his family, though. The right support, Jin corrects. He honestly can't deny that Mr. Abbottsford cares about his son and wants to protect him. It's obvious he loves him and wants what he thinks is best for him. The problem, of course, is that Mr. Abbottsford's ideas about what's best and Fox's ideas about it are starting to diverge, and it's causing friction between them.

"You all right?" Jin asks, once it appears that most of the tension has gone out of Fox's shoulders and back.

"Yeah, I think so," Fox says. "Can I get up now?"

"Do you want me to stand you up? You'll have to keep that foot off the floor, remember. Do you want your crutches back, or shall I fetch the wheelchair?"

"Wheelchair, please. Maybe… I can try the crutches again after dinner?"

"For a few minutes, if you're feeling up to it," Jin agrees.

It takes a little effort from both of them, but he gets Fox upright. Fox balances neatly on one leg, leaning slightly against Jin, with one arm looped around Jin's shoulders.

Mr. Abbottsford barely takes his gaze away from them, and he looks so worried that Jin almost feels bad for him. He says, "Are you sure this is advisable? Fox, are you okay? Do you think you should be standing up like that?"

"I'm okay, Dad," Fox says.

"Fox, do you want to go to your dad for a minute while I collect that wheelchair?" Jin asks. "If you don't, maybe we can ask him to fetch it for you instead. Give him something to do, yeah?"

"No, I want to go to him."

“All right. You go to Dad, then. And keep that foot up."

Jin eases Fox into his father's waiting arms. Mr. Abbottsford pulls him close, and Fox presses his face into his father’s shoulder. One of them — Jin can’t quite determine which — lets out a sound that somehow conveys equal parts exhaustion and relief.

"I've got you, son," Mr. Abbottsford says. "You're safe now. Everything's going to be all right."

Jin can't help noticing how the older man's tone has changed. There's nothing whiny or demanding about his demeanour all of a sudden, and Jin finds himself mentally asking which one of them is being comforted by the other. It's as if Mr. Abbottsford had needed something solid and tangible to reassure him, and the presence of his son in his arms is doing just that. Perhaps, Jin thinks, Fox isn't the only one who struggles with anxiety. There are some schools of thought which suggest it's inherited. Maybe that's true.

"I'm sorry, Dad," Fox says.

"What are you sorry for? You don't have to apologize for anything."

"I was trying so hard," Fox says pitifully. "I wanted to do something on my own for once. I wanted to be brave, and... and I wanted you to be proud of me."

"You don't have to be brave, and you don't have to do anything that’s too hard for you, to make me proud." Mr. Abbottsford rubs his son's back comfortingly. "And you don’t have to do anything on your own. I'm here. I'll look after you. Then, when you're feeling a little better, we'll go home and Mommy will be there, and we'll make sure you have everything you need."

Fox makes a little whimpering noise and clutches a fistful of material at the back of his dad’s sweater. "I'm sorry," he says again. “I really missed you, and I really wanted you here. I didn’t mean to upset you yesterday.”

“Don’t worry,” Mr. Abbottsford says. “It wasn’t your fault. I was more upset by that overbearing old woman than by anything you said. I know you were feeling stressed, and we’re not ourselves when we’re stressed, are we? Once we’re safe at home, we can relax and put all of this behind us.”

“Dad, I… I don’t want…” But, that’s as far as Fox gets before he’s crying again. And this time, it’s not just a few tears. Jin might not have noticed, if it had been.

Fox sobs as if his heart is breaking. And maybe it is, Jin thinks. He can only imagine how torn Fox might feel; wanting desperately to stay and follow the promising new path he’s discovered here, and yet probably wanting the comfort and familiarity of his parents and his home equally desperately. Which way he'll go is anyone's guess, but if Jin were to judge solely based on what's taking place right now, he wouldn't be shocked if Fox were on an airplane bound for Canada by week's end.

Jin is astonished to realize how much he does not want that to happen, and how disappointed he'd be if it did, but he reminds himself that it's not his life to live and not his business to interfere. All Jin can do is hope that Fox makes a choice he won't come to regret later.

He wants to trust Fox to make the right decision, whatever that may look like, and to do it on his own. Unfortunately, he's not certain Fox is entirely prepared for that level of personal responsibility, yet.

Jin sighs.

The endings you want aren't always the endings you get, Jin-seon, he chides himself. He should've known better than to expect to undo twenty-five years of familial damage in just a few days. If Fox is ever going to be independent, he'll have to summon up the courage to tell his father calmly and matter-of-factly what he wants, and Mr. Abbottsford will have to accept it with equal grace. Watching them together now, Jin wonders if that may be too much to ask from them.

[cuttlefishkitch]

hello! i haven't talked to you before, but ron said that i could ask you for some advice on writing eds? (i'd like to know things to avoid/common things that could come up in everyday life that would be good to mention/the sort of aids and stuff they'd have maybe?/anything else you think is relevant)

Hi! Sorry this took so long, a combination of ADHD and chronic pain slowed me way the fuck down. Thank you for being patient! 

EDIT: WEIRD HEEL THINGS I FORGOT!!

So, before I get into this I should probably say I technically haven’t been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS for anyone reading) because it’s one of those syndromes that takes forever to get diagnosed with (it took a friend of mine’s mother over 30 years to get dxed). Many doctors, and everyone I know who does have EDS agree with me that it’s probably what causes my chronic joint pain and some of my other chronic issues. But just because three separate doctors have said “Yeah Probably” doesn’t mean I’m diagnosed!! Only a geneticist can do that!! And they had two-three year waitlists BEFORE the apocalypse happened.

I am diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Small Fiber Neuropathy, and potentially misdiagnosed with Fibromyalgia (once I get properly tested for EDS I might get undiagnosed with this because I don’t have most of the main symptoms of Fibro, but I got diagnosed with it anyway because it’s what doctors misDX you with when they don’t know what’s wrong with you and don’t want to do more tests).

All that said, I’ve done a lot of research about EDS (mainly because it’s the only thing that explains all my symptoms since doctors seem incapable of doing so), and know a few people who have either confirmed or suspected EDS, so I’ll link to some stuff, talk about the symptoms that often come with EDS, explain how the symptoms I have affect me, because just because someone’s not diagnosed doesn’t mean they aren’t having symptoms, and probs elaborate a bit about writing physical disabilities and chronic pain in general because it’s super important to me! 

So RESOURCES aka how to make sure your post never sees the light of day because you’re linking things and tumblr hates it when people give other people information!!

Youtubers! If you want to know about the day to day of living with EDS or any disability or chronic illness I super suggest finding a youtuber that makes videos about their life. My EDS favorites are

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Annie Elainey

Amy Lee Fisher

Websites! If you’re asking random folks on tumblr I’m assuming (and hoping) you’ve already done the basic WebMD google searches and looked over the seemingly ridiculous lists of symptoms and related conditions, so here are a few websites that are made more for people than for doctors.

The Ehlers Danlos Society

OhTWIST (That’s Why I’m So Tired)

ChronicPainPartners (the fact that they have an entire section of articles called “Dealing with Doctors” should really tell you something)

Books! If you feel like doing actual reading! I suggest reading books written by people with Ehlers Danlos, to get a feel for how they portray themselves. I’m not saying steal, but it’s probably a good point of comparison to see how your portrayal feels. (haven’t actually read these b/c my ADHD doesn’t let me read)

Ria Ruse by Morgan S. Ray (a superhero book with a disabled super MC!!)

Mysteries of Maybelle by Imani Benfell (Imani is still in high school and has already written and self-published a book cause she didn’t have enough representation for herself how cool is she!!)

Bodies in Motion by Liana Brooks (tw for pregnancy problems and miscarriages in the link, because it’s a blog post talking about integrating EDS symptoms into the story without explicitly naming them as such)

OKAY, now for some rambling about EDS SYMPTOMS!!!

Ehlers Danlos is one monster of a genetic condition in complexity and variety. There are THIRTEEN different identified types of EDS, it often comes with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and/or POTS, and can lead to various other conditions like gastroparesis, chiari malformation, craniocervical instability, and/or bad teeth. So if you’re going to be writing a character with EDS consider what other comorbid conditions they might also have. I’m mainly going to be talking about Hypermobile EDS (hEDS) because it’s what I probably have and what I’m most familiar with. That said there is a lot of overlap in symptoms with the other varieties.

I started typing this section and realized I was going to have to break it down even more so we’re going to talk about Chronic Pain, Unstable Joints (Dislocations and Subluxations), Skin Things, Mobility Issues, and Other Weird Shit and how those things get addressed separately.

Gonna get the Other Weird Shit out of the way first. Because EDS is a malfunction of connective tissue it can fuck up all sorts of random things. For instance, I and many other people w/ hEDS have trouble swallowing. Shit gets stuck in my throat, I sometimes choke on and have to cough up food, and pills can be hard to swallow, which sucks cause I take A Lot Of Pills. If it doesn’t cause full-on gastroparesis it can cause IBS or other digestive problems b/c the digestive tract is mostly made of connective tissue. It can potentially cause heart problems even if they aren’t as big of a risk as in some other forms of EDS. Premature osteoarthritis is common because what you need is more joint pain. And Fatigue OH BOY THE FATIGUE. And of course the headaches, can’t forget those pesky migraines can we!

AND piezogenic papules!! I completely forgot!! Piezogenic papules are little white bumps that appear when you put weight on your heel. In some people they hurt, but in others they don’t. They’re technically tiny little herniations of fat peaking through the fascia in the heel. They were added as part of the diagnostic criteria for hEDS in 2017!

Now for Skin Things cause it’s not as big a thing in hEDS as it is in other forms. Basically, in a lot of forms of EDS, the skin is extra stretchy and extra delicate. It bruises and tears easily, people with the extreme versions of this can accidentally scratch something into an open wound if they aren’t careful. My skin is pretty soft and sensitive, I def have the typical velvety skin, and as is pretty par for the course of someone with hEDS my skin is a little stretchy, and sorta delicate. I’m not as tissue-papery as some people get, but I almost always have at least one mystery bruise or scrape b/c existing is hazardous. Most of scars are also pretty normal, unlike the extremely papery and atrophic scars (though I have a few tiny acne scars that are atrophic) that are common with other kinds of hEDS. Something that I DO have is Lots of Stretch Marks, all over my thighs, and even down to my calves. Which wouldn’t be abnormal, except for the fact that I’ve never been over 145 lbs and I’ve never been pregnant. Having a lot of stretch marks or striations in the skin without due cause happens because the structure of the skin isn’t as strong as it is in people with a normal amount of connective tissue.

I don’t have to worry as much about my skin but people that do are usually very careful with adhesives because they can irritate or tear the skin, which sucks when you need a lot of bandaids cause your darn skin won’t do its job.

Now on to the meatier stuff and since I’m mostly working backward let’s do Mobility Issues!! These can happen in loads of ways, but a lot of what causes these in people with EDS are the other two things I wanna talk about. Unstable joints lead to increased risk of injury when doing stuff people with fully functioning joints can do.

For context, I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user, meaning I can walk, but a lot of the time it’s better if use a chair. Mine is mostly for my POTS symptoms, but the fact that my legs aren’t also in absolute agony is a big plus. I use a custom manual wheelchair with a SmartDrive (b/c I’m very fucking fortunate and have good insurance) whenever I leave the house and have to be “walking” for more than a few minutes at a time. I can’t fully self-propel in a manual chair because it would be damaging to the joints in my arms and hands, but the smaller chair is easier to maneuver in less than accessible spaces (like almost everywhere). There was about a month-long span where I used a very cheap and very bulky electric chair while I was waiting on the ideal set up I have now. Before that, I also briefly used, and sometimes still use, an up-right posture cane.

People with EDS have widely varying mobility issues because of how uniquely it can manifest. My cane only gave me a little help with balance because if I used it in any prolonged capacity any pain it took away from my legs was relocated to my arms, and as an artist, my arms are more important to me!

If you’re going to write a character with EDS having mobility issues as a result of their EDS the best thing to do is to narrow down their specific needs. Are their knees complete and utter garbage but their shoulders and wrists strong? Maybe they can get away with using a cane. Can they not stand for longer than 5 minutes because of the vertigo from their POTS? Maybe they need a manual wheelchair. Would propelling themself damage their back and arm joints? An electric chair might be necessary! Plenty of people with EDS use all sorts of combinations of these aides to get around their life, consider how your character’s good and bad days would be. Do they have back up plans if they overestimate themselves? There can be a lot to manage, but don’t let it scare you off! Sometimes I try and make it into a resource management game (because I’m a game designer and that’s what I do), to make evaluating my energy and mobility needs more fun!

But now let's tackle some of the reasons those mobility aides might be needed. Unstable Joints.

Ever stepped wrong and rolled your ankle? It hurts for a few steps and then kinda fixes itself, or maybe it bothers you for the rest of the day and you put it up and ice it when you get home? When I was walking around outside my house that would happen AT LEAST once a month, usually more. Some times I’m sitting wrong and when I get up my knee isn’t a knee anymore and decides to just give out from under me. My knuckles are made of unruly popcorn and they Don’t Want To Stay Home!! Oh! And my shoulder is more often out a little out of its socket than it is fully in.

Unstable joints lead to Dislocations and Subluxations of varying intensity, and some people get them more frequently than others. Some can be severe enough to necessitate hospital visits and even surgery, some subluxations are so banal (like my fUCKING SHOULDER) that you just learn to live with the pain.

If a character is going to be in high action, combat-heavy scenarios, chances are they’re going to be popping out joints left and right. Hell, depending on the severity of their joint laxity they could be doing the same sitting at a desk. Again, it’s incredibly varied. I’d suggest setting some sort of baseline for yourself, of what a character’s joints can and can’t stand up to, and maybe do some research on which joints are most likely to pop out in general (hips and shoulders are big culprits being the wacky ball and socket motherfuckers they are). Then maybe have something pop out or hold up every so often when it shouldn’t cause hey! EDS is kinda just like that! Unpredictable!

Some ways people manage joint laxity is with braces, KT tape, and physical therapy. Braces come in many different forms, since I’m currently getting pretty much no treatment for my shitty joints I use mostly compression braces made for sporty people. It really is amazing how much a bit of tight fabric can do to keep my wrist in place.

More specialized braces often have solid parts to prevent the joints from hyper-extending (bending the wrong way) and causing further damage. If you ever see someone with what looks like diamond shaped rings around a bunch of their finger joints, chances are those are Ring Splints, and are there to keep the finger shaped like a finger. I want to get my hands on some and get some on my hands Very Badly, because my fingers hyper-extend SO MUCH when I type, and it makes my hand pain way way worse.

KT tape is another thing people often use. It’s stretchy tape you put on your skin and it basically functions kinda like a second ligament as well as reinforcing the joint and keeping the bones mostly where they’re supposed to be. The problem with this is a lot of people with EDS have very sensitive and fragile skin like I mentioned before, so KT tape can cause allergic reactions, chronic skin irritation, or just straight up take the skin with it when someone goes to remove it. Hence a lot of folks are really careful with it.

Physical Therapy is kinda the best (and only) treatment for joint laxity aside from Very Invasive and sometimes Highly Experimental surgery. It focuses on strengthening the muscles around the joints so they can do the work all those bone ropes made of body glue can’t. The problem is finding a physical therapist that 1) knows what EDS even is, 2) knows you have it, and 3) knows how to treat it without doing stuff that’ll Phucking Hurt You Worse!! Because exercising wrong with EDS can do Permanent Damage!!!

Again most folks use a combination of all of these things, or have next to no access to them b/c healthcare sucks.

Anyway, on to one of my favorite topics, Chronic Pain!! One of the reasons this post took me so long!!!

Chances are if your character has chronic pain as a result of their EDS there are gonna be some things they hate, including stairs, rain, thunderstorms, stairs, hills, uneven terrain, oh and did I mention stairs??? It’s going to vary person to person, but almost everyone I’ve met with pain from EDS has complained about their knees. For me the most debilitating pain is in my fingers and wrists. They’re by far my least stable joints but I use them constantly for stuff like drawing, typing, and sewing.

Because my joint pain is so wide spread, like most people’s with hEDS, it effects every single part of my day to day life. I can’t carry a heavy ceramic plate, open a bottle, or even use my computer without pain. It’s practically impossible for me to get comfortable in any position be it sitting or laying down, and as you can imagine that makes it hard to sleep a lot of the time. Moving too much hurts, but so does sitting still. I’m constantly taking braces on and off or cracking/stretching my joints so they pop back into place and hurt less.

Also being in pain makes everything else That Much Worse. I get tired way faster than I did before my pain was this bad (I had chronic pain for a while before actually realizing it wasn’t normal to not be able to walk down the block without feeling like your foot bones are trying to escape). My sensory issues and anxiety disorder are more easily aggravated because my base level of comfort is way worse. It fucks with my depression. And OH BOY does it make my ADHD worse because being in pain is fucking distracting as hell and makes it harder to make decisions and switch tasks. Also my ADHD often makes my other symptoms worse cause I forget to take my meds, don’t drink enough water, or can’t find my fucking braces because the item eating black-hole that comes with ADHD stole them. The intersection of mental and physical disabilities is probably a rant for another time though, so back to chronic pain.

Does it suck? Yes, undoubtedly. Is this incredibly debilitating? Of course it is, I spent the last several months unable to feed myself without assistance because there was a staircase between my room and the kitchen and I could only manage to climb it once a day. Is it overwhelming? Definitely, I’ve frequently broken down crying from a combination of pain and frustration because I’m having a bad day and there’s no relief to be found. Am I able to predict when it’s going to rain with uncanny accuracy because any change in barometric pressure makes me feel like every bone in my body is trying to kill it’s neighbors? You bet your fucking ass I am!! Does it sometimes make me irritable, angry, and occasionally dismissive of when abled people get cold or a temporary injury because the stuff they’re complaining about is my life every single day and all avenues of treatment and recovery I have could take years and still not entirely solve my issues? Yeah, and while I deserve a little extra patience I also have to be sure to check myself because I don’t want to turn into someone who’s nasty to be around. Do I sometimes need to sleep for 17 hours straight because it’s raining, I have migraine, and I’m in too much pain to be conscious? Yup, sometimes a few days in a row. Does living in constant pain mean I’m unable to do all the things I want to and does that sometimes make me wanna curl up in bed and never leave? Yeah, it happens.

But! And here’s the big important but, that’s not everything! I still write, draw, and talk to my friends!! It might take me a little longer but I get there. I’m still happy and excitable and make the time to write out five page long posts about EDS because it’s something I’m passionate about! My chronic pain doesn’t stop me. I refuse to let it. I never really wanted to go mountain climbing anyway, so I’m perfectly happy being able to make it up and down the six steps in my house, even if sometimes I have to sit and bump down them on my ass, or crawl up them like a cat. Chronic pain isn’t all I am. It isn’t a fate worse than death. It isn’t the only thing your character should talk about (though I do talk about my pain a lot cause I’m a complainer about almost everything). You can have your character be hindered by their pain, realistically they would be. You can have them seek comfort, support, and relief. Other characters can commiserate and be sympathetic, but it doesn’t mean their whole life is going to be one big pity party, that would be incredibly fucking boring. I know I’d be bored out of my mind.

All that said dealing with chronic pain, especially from EDS, is Complicated. Physical Therapy is the gold standard, but like I said before it can be a long and difficult process, and isn’t always accessible. Stabilization methods like I talked about before can help prevent pain, or reduce it by keeping bones mostly where they belong. Heat and cold help joints, relax muscles, and reduce inflammation but keeping them applied is rough and the relief doesn’t always last. Doctors prescribe anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and sometimes even anti-epileptic medication to help manage pain, but everyone’s mileage with those varies. And I’m not at all qualified to talk in-depth about narcotics or other heavy duty pain-meds, but suffice to say the war on drugs fucked shit up for people that legit need that kind of help BIG TIME.

Now for my closer/bonus rant about EDS and Disability Writing in General!

Everyone always says write what you know, so if you really want to do disabled people justice, get to know disabled people! Make friends with disabled people, get involved with advocacy groups, consume content made by disabled creators both about disability and not! Disabilities are so fucking diverse, even EDS is such a complex disorder, and comes with so many potential co-morbidities, that practically everyone with it has a unique experience. There’s no way I can fully explain everything in a tumblr post. Hell, even if I could talk to you for hours probably couldn’t give you enough info to answer all your questions (especially since I’m still in diagnosis hell :,) ), so talk to a wide range of people with EDS and other disabilities!! I know it sounds like a lot of work but trust me, disabled people are some of the strongest, raddest, coolest, people you will ever meet that it won’t feel like it.

And don’t be afraid either, the fact that EDS and other disabilities are so wildly varied means that you have a little bit of wiggle room with your character’s experience. There’s so little disability rep out their I think people are WAY to scared to try their hand at writing it. So long as your character is a fully developed person in addition to being disabled, you give some logical thought as to how it would affect their life, and you don’t make their disability the butt of any joke it isn’t difficult to avoid ableist writing. PLEASE WRITE MORE DISABLED PEOPLE AND PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC PAIN/CHRONIC ILLNESS!!

Okay that’s it, again sorry it took so long for me to get back to you! My fingers were being little pests about it, and my ADHD (which is honestly more disabling than everything else a lot of the time lmao) was being an asshole! Hope this helps, and feel free to ask me more questions if you need clarification! It might take me a bit but I do love talking about this stuff.

[kagebros]

so much more (A Shockop Fic)

Summary: How Shockwave discovered they were carrying Cascade and Optimus’ reaction.  Warnings: N/A Word Count: 2123

It all started with their energon levels being dangerously low. Their single golden optic blinked to life as they got out of recharge, their frame feeling much slower than usual. Once again the warning ping in their hub flashed as energon levels were low, confirming that it wasn’t just an error.

That was strange. They had just refuelled yesterday, usually not requiring energon again until four days had passed. They slipped out of the shared berth, the warm heavy arm that had held them pulling back. With a glance they looked at the love of their life, still in recharge, optics offline as his signature mask was off, set aside on the nightstand beside the berth. 

They stumbled out of the room, entering the living room as they opened the storage cabinet that kept their energon chilled to a stable temperature. After all, energon in high temperatures usually meant life threatening implications as they were highly explosive. They reached for a cube and broke the sealant, extending the feeding tube they had equipped as they didn’t have the proper helm nor the mouth to drink it normally. After drinking the entire cube, their levels had risen to a proper point to where the warning ping had gone away. But when the ticker lowered faster than they expected they grew worried. They made a mental note to visit Ratchet later to see what was wrong. 

“I didn’t expect you to be up so early,” Optimus’ voice teased from behind, his arms wrapping around Shockwave from behind as he pressed a kiss to the back of their neck. His EM field was teeming with feelings of affection, warmth and a hint of possessiveness. 

“I was surprised too but it seems like it was urgent,” Shockwave replied with a sigh, nuzzling into his touch. “My energon levels were almost completely depleted and I was forced out of recharge,” they said. There was an immediate change in his EM field as fear and worry reached out to Shockwave. 

“Is everything alright?” he said, pulling away from them. They turned around to face him and shrugged. 

“I’m not sure what’s wrong,” they replied. “I’m going to visit Ratchet today to see if I can get it checked out, it should be fine after a while,” Shockwave said. There was some uncertainty that lingered in their voice though. They knew he was afraid of losing them again. He never got over losing them the first time, they weren’t sure what he’d do if he lost them again. 

“I can take the day off today to take you there,” Optimus then offered. Shockwave gave an affectionate chuckle. 

“I’ll be fine, Orion,” they said, wishing they could smile. Their EM field would have to communicate that for now. “It’s a short ride, if I need to refuel at the train station I can,” they said. The unfortunate downside to transforming into a decommissioned plasma cannon was the lack of mobility. Besides, if they could transform into their shuttle altmode that they had what felt like eternity ago, it would take up too much energon and it could put them in more danger. Optimus looks at them with a worried look, his mouth drawn in a tight line, apprehensive. They take two digits and gently press them gently on Optimus’ dermas, a makeshift kiss they’ve done for a while with him now to give him some comfort. “I’ll be alright,” they said gently. Their servos then moves to cup his cheek and he leans into the touch, closing his optics for a moment. 

“Alright,” he conceded. “Just, use the comm. link if you need me, ok?” 

“I know,” they chuckled. They checked the time, seeing they had a few hours to spare. “I think I’m gonna go back to recharging,” they hummed.

“I’ll join you,” he said, giving a lazy grin. 

-

Shockwave entered Ratchet’s clinic just like they intended. The trip wasn’t as bad as Shockwave thought, but as they expected, they had to refuel after exiting the train, going to a nearby dispensary and replenishing as their levels got low again. When they entered the clinic, Ratchet had seemed to be tending to a patient from beforehand so they simply sat and waited for their turn. First Aid and Ambulon were both busy with their own patients but Ratchet had luckily finished first. When he saw Shockwave was there, he was surprised to say the least. 

“Shockwave,” Ratchet said. “I honestly didn’t expect to find you here. Usually you’d do your own check ups, right?”

“Yes, well. This is something that I couldn’t exactly do at home,” Shockwave replied. 

“What do you mean?”

“I woke up with my energon levels depleted after refueling just yesterday, and just on my way here after getting off the train I had to refuel,” they said. 

“That is… peculiar, here, lemme take a look at you then,” Ratchet said, leading them to an empty medbay room. When Shockwave sat on the berth, Ratchet hooked them up to an energon line that fed it steadily. “Since you said your energon levels are depleting much more quickly I’ll have you hooked up to this for the time being.”

“Thank you,” Shockwave replied. 

“Just doing my job,” he hummed, he then froze for a moment with how casual he was. Shockwave hummed in amusement. 

“I suppose that is the Ratchet Orion is familiar with.” Ratchet then snorted, confirming it. 

“I’m gonna go ahead and do a regular checkup on you,” Ratchet then informed. “Are you alright with me plugging into your dataflow?”

“If it can tell you what is wrong with me, then by all means,” Shockwave replied. They held out their arm and opened the panel that allowed for it. When Ratchet plugged in, all of Shockwave’s frame information was up on display on the computer screen next to them. 

“Most of your systems seem to be fine…” Ratchet said as he looked at all the data. “Energon intake levels are double the normal amount though,” he said out loud, biting one of his digits as he was concentrating. When he looked through all the data, he stopped at one crucial portion, pausing. “Shockwave,” he then called out, optics not leaving the screen. 

“Yes?”

“I need to examine your spark.”

“My spark?”

“Yes, this might provide the answer to why you’ve been consuming energon at a higher rate than usual,” he said. Shockwave sat there for a moment, their filials going back in worry for a moment before their chassis panels slid to the side, revealing their spark. Ratchet drew close, watching intently as if he was waiting for something. After a few moments, he saw what he needed to see. A small electric ball similar to Shockwave’s spark but miniscule was in orbit around theirs. “Shockwave,” he called out, trying to be as calm as possible. “I’m assuming you’ve sparked with Optimus?”

“Yes.” That only confirmed his conclusion even more. 

“Shockwave,” he said, pulling away from their spark. “You’re carrying.” They stared at him blankly as their chassis panels closed. 

“What?” they then replied softly. 

“You’re carrying, you’re going to have a sparkling,” Ratchet said. 

“I’m carrying?” they said softly.

“Yes.” They fell silent again as they stared at Ratchet blankly. Shockwave had a surge of emotions running through them right now, they knew Ratchet couldn’t feel it but when he glanced at the computer screen, he saw exactly how they felt. And they were absolutely ecstatic, their frame vibrating with excitement. 

“I’m going to have a sparkling,” they then said. “I’m going to have a sparkling, I’m going to have a sparkling!” they said, their voice growing louder each time. ”Wait, how? This doesn’t. This doesn’t make any sense, this should be impossible.”

“A lot of things have proved to not be impossible as of late,” Ratchet then huffed, crossing his arms. “But I know tumours of the spark don’t happen,” he replied. “You’re fueling for two now, Shockwave,” he then said. “If you want to make sure this spark is healthy, you’re going to have to work from home and not overwork yourself as your energon consumption is already not ideal as of right now, I can’t tell you exactly what to expect next because. Well, this is new. I’ve never seen anything like it. If you can do it, I want you to visit the clinic everyday until that spark is out and on its own. How much energon do you have at home?”

“Only enough for Orion and I but I can always request him to get more,” they replied. 

“I can only imagine how Optimus would react once he hears about this,” Ratchet sighed. 

“He won’t leave my (your) side,” both of them said simultaneously. Ratchet then laughed. 

“I assume I’ll see him then next time you come to the clinic,” Ratchet said. 

“Most likely,” they replied, watching as Ratchet unplugged them from the computer, then unhooking them from the energon line. They stood up from the berth, trying to contain their excitement. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Ratchet said. “We’re good for today, but, are you going to tell him the news when you get back?”

“I don’t think I’d be one to hide this type of thing from him,” Shockwave said. 

“I suppose so,” he replied. “I might be getting a call from him later today about it when you do then,” he said. “I can already feel it.” Shockwave then laughed this time. 

“Thank you, Ratchet,” they said. “This is… this is incredible.”

“You’ll be good parents,” Ratchet said with a smile this time. “It’ll be good for the both of you.”

-

Upon getting back from the train station, Shockwave entered an empty apartment, Optimus still out for the day. They went out to the balcony and watched the sun set as they waited for him to come home, practically about to burst from excitement and anticipation. The door finally slid open, Optimus entering the home with a tired sigh. Despite being a former Prime, he had gone back to the job of being a dockworker, finding comfort in it as he felt there were better leaders out there. He’d done it shortly, at the beginning when Cybertron was being rebuilt, but with it almost being rebuilt completely, he felt it was better if someone else led it. His announcement about retiring from leadership was certainly an interesting day for the both of them. Rodimus was the bearer of the Matrix after all. He had been for a while, having come back from his long trip on the Lost Light.

They turned to meet Optimus’ gaze and he gave them a tired smile, his mask still on but his optics told them everything. He took his mask off, setting it down on the nearby counter and drew closer to Shockwave, meeting them in the middle as he pressed a chaste kiss on the tip of their helm. 

“Welcome home,” they said. 

“Something seems to have you excited,” he smiled, immediately recognising their feelings from their EM field and their sparkbond. “How was the visit to Ratchet? Did you figure out what it was?”

“That’s what I’m excited about, Oppy,” Shockwave said, using his petname as they took his servos into theirs. “I’m carrying.” His filials moved in confusion for a moment. 

“Carrying? You mean-”

“We’re gonna have a sparkling, Oppy,” they said.

“We’re-” he cut himself off. “We’re having a kid?” he said, using the Earth term. “We’re gonna be a family?” Shockwave nodded. Within that moment, he immediately hugged them, holding them as tight as he could. They could feel his tears on their frame as he held them, shaking from intangible happiness. He pulled back for a moment and could barely believe what was happening. “I’m gonna be a dad. How. How is this even possible?” he then asked. After all this had gone against everything Cybertronians ever knew about sparking. And then the thought hits his processor. He’s seen the impossible done before. He saw it with Shockwave. When he saw them break free from the shadowplay. And now. They had done the impossible again. This time with him. They created life. 

“I don’t know, Ratchet and I are both shocked as well,” Shockwave replied. “But regardless, this. This is real. This is happening and we made that happen, Orion.” They place their servos over their chassis. “This is my greatest creation,” they said. “And you helped me make it.” Optimus doesn’t know how to respond but they know exactly how he is feeling. So when he falls back into their arms, they immediately welcome it again as he nuzzles his helm into the crook of their neck. 

“I’m gonna be a dad,” he breathed.