#is not something that even ever occurs to the average man

[starreyblueberry]

So I just found out about the deleted scene from FOPANW, where Timmy Turner would have shown up, and oh my god?? It gives a whole new insight into what they wanna do with him and what direction he possibly could have. If you want to hear it for yourself, the roundtable posted a video about it on YouTube! Alot of what I said are lowkey just direct quotes from the vid The scene would have taken place within Crook to the future! The infamous episode where both Croker and AJ show up, and we get a small reference to Timmy as well though Croker trying to remember his name (and he does he yells out TURNER which is INSANEEEE!!!) The episode features where Hazel's dad works! Galax Institute. An institution that focuses on discovering the paranormal, even featuring fairy hunting equipment within the building. The goal is not to eradicate these creatures either, it's just a path to discovery/knowledge of the unknown! Now in the episode, AJ is the founder of this program. Having discovered it at the age of just 10 years old. The episode occurs during the 96th annual Parascience Pagent, with Hazel's dad attending it and bringing Hazel along with her. In the OG script though, we weren't even going to know who the founder is, it was gonna be hyped up until the end of the episode, where they would reveal it during the convention itself. AJ would give a tiny speech, introducing the Founder of the Galax Institute, and yes, it was going to be the man himself Timmy Turner. Timmy gives his own speech, saying how he remembers being an Average kid, that no one understood (CRYING)!! He remembered being kinda miserable a lot of his childhood, but as he grew older, he also remembered it being so magical. Having a spark that just was not there anymore. He does not remember Cosmo or Wanda (AAAAHHHHHHH) So he's not able to pinpoint why his childhood felt so magical, why some of it was so happy. Timmy was dedicated though- he wanted to find the spark, the magic from his childhood (aka his fairies) again. So he decided that the rest of his life would be dedicated to investigating the paranormal, and too figure out why his childhood was unlike any other. The crowd basically cheers for Timmy, and (I'm happy they cut this part off) Cosmo makes a depressing joke saying "Who the heck is this guy?" (In a joking way but still.) Now. What exactly does this mean for Timmy? Well first off, he seems to have a lot more capable memories then most Godkids, which supports the whole theory that Timmys magic did kinda stay. It also proves that- Timmy couldn't let go of his fairys. Sure he did in a sense, but he never got the feeling of family like that ever again, he never got that happiness with anything else except with Cosmo and Wanda. The fact he spends the rest of his life in a actual parrel too Crcoker, not going insane per say but feeling like. Theirs something missing, and he had it when he was a kid. He almost got everything he wanted until it was stripped away from him the moment he was 18. At least he's happy somewhat though. At least he always held Cosmo and Wanda in his hearts, at least the memories lingered on him forever.

At least he never fully forgot his family.

[saja-star]

I've had a hard time articulating to people just how fundamental spinning used to be in people's lives, and how eerie it is that it's vanished so entirely. It occurred to me today that it's a bit like if in the future all food was made by machine, and people forgot what farming and cooking were. Not just that they forgot how to do it; they had never heard of it.

When they use phrases like "spinning yarns" for telling stories or "heckling a performer" without understanding where they come from, I imagine a scene in the future where someone uses the phrase "stir the pot" to mean "cause a disagreement" and I say, did you know a pot used to be a container for heating food, and stirring was a way of combining different components of food together? "Wow, you're full of weird facts! How do you even know that?"

When I say I spin and people say "What, like you do exercise bikes? Is that a kind of dancing? What's drafting? What's a hackle?" it's like if I started talking about my cooking hobby and my friend asked "What's salt? Also, what's cooking?" Well, you see, there are a lot of stages to food preparation, starting with planting crops, and cooking is one of the later stages. Salt is a chemical used in cooking which mostly alters the flavor of the food but can also be used for other things, like drawing out moisture...

"Wow, that sounds so complicated. You must have done a lot of research. You're so good at cooking!" I'm really not. In the past, children started learning about cooking as early as age five ("Isn't that child labor?"), and many people cooked every day their whole lives ("Man, people worked so hard back then."). And that's just an average person, not to mention people called "chefs" who did it professionally. I go to the historic preservation center to use their stove once or twice a week, and I started learning a couple years ago. So what I know is less sophisticated than what some children could do back in the day.

"Can you make me a snickers bar?" No, that would be pretty hard. I just make sandwiches mostly. Sometimes I do scrambled eggs. "Oh, I would've thought a snickers bar would be way more basic than eggs. They seem so simple!"

Haven't you ever wondered where food comes from? I ask them. When you were a kid, did you ever pick apart the different colored bits in your food and wonder what it was made of? "No, I never really thought about it." Did you know rice balls are called that because they're made from part of a plant called rice? "Oh haha, that's so weird. I thought 'rice' was just an adjective for anything that was soft and white."

People always ask me why I took up spinning. Isn't it weird that there are things we take so much for granted that we don't even notice when they're gone? Isn't it strange that something which has been part of humanity all across the planet since the Neanderthals is being forgotten in our generation? Isn't it funny that when knowledge dies, it leaves behind a ghost, just like a person? Don't you want to commune with it?

[sempersirens]

the fig tree | rotten

pairing: therapist!joel x f!reader

warnings: 18+ mdni. discussion of heavy and potentially triggering topics such as sa, self-harm, infertility, various mental illnesses, self-hatred and drug use. these topics are only mentioned and do not occur in real-time.

chapter summary: a twenty-something, seemingly lost cause, meets her match in the form of psychotherapist: dr. joel miller.

dividers by @saradika-graphics

updates: @sempersirenswrites

series masterlist

Maybe it was time to accept you were never as good as you'd always thought you'd been.

For four long years, you had spent most of your waking hours dissecting epic poetry and papyrology.

Still, the most your degree had done for you was rouse a satisfying disappointment from your mother’s side of the family when they realised you weren’t actually going to be that kind of doctor.

Not to say such in a self-deprecation; you hardly suffered from any semblance of an imposter syndrome. Your mother used to frequently remind you that you were far too vain to not believe in yourself.

It was more of a philosophical framework. Platonic realism. Knowing your muted beauty could earn you a free drink from below-average men who felt their trousers tighten when you addressed them through your eyelashes.

But it wasn't an obvious enough beauty for the attention of the men you imagined exchanging bodily fluids with between stops on the underground.

Besides, you had been a student of Classical Studies; a degree that doesn’t require the intellectual strain of learning Latin or Ancient Greek. The inclusive way for people like you, having attended a run-down state-funded school, to get a glimpse into the Bullingdon boys' and grammar schoolgirls’ fallback plans.

It wasn't even that you disliked Classics; you'd borderline gotten off on reading plays written by men about wicked women; but that was because the brilliant women were always the wicked ones.

You particularly enjoyed the assumptions men made about the female condition – how women were too wet, too porous; couldn’t keep their wombs from wandering. And assumptions they were. No Greek physician ever sliced a woman from chin to cunt to confirm their hypotheses. Although, ancient men hadn't been all too familiar with the insides of a woman anyway.

Sometimes, you thought you would quite simply die if you were reduced to only understanding people through your assumptions of them.

It was just that you could never stop thinking about what people thought. It was all you could ever think about. You wanted to peel people's skulls apart and scream at their horribly grey frontal lobe:

Are you ok? Have I done something to upset you? Do you still love me? Do I look like someone that has been raped? Do you think that girl we just walked past has a firmer ass than me? Do you like my new bangs?

For a short period of time, you'd been desperate to know how your therapist felt and thought of you. There is a sick irony in baring your bones to a stranger in the reclined chair opposite you who never even takes off their cardigan.

You needed to know if your traumas made him sad, or if he saw things that made him think of you outside of your sessions. You supposed he both pitied and admired you in a twisted, surrogate-daughter kind of way.

Then again, he probably wouldn’t have been a very good therapist did he not pity his clients.

At one point you thought you might be in love with him.

You'd met weekly in his high-ceiling office on a busy street. It was a romantic setting to unload twenty-four years of trauma to a kind man wearing a knitted cardigan. The sun would peak through clouds and shine onto the both of you through two large windows, between which sat a Japanese peace lily.

You soon realised he was just the first man to let you speak uninterrupted.

You spoke at him mostly, finishing observations that had been years in the making with “Does that make sense?” Even though you knew it made sense. You were certain, actually, that everything you had articulated came from somewhere deeper inside of you than any man could reach. You just couldn't leave it hanging there like an exposed nerve.

Maybe it was because he didn't speak much that you liked him. Sometimes he would offer anecdotes or remedies for PTSD-induced panic attacks that you both knew you would never use.

In most sessions, you had simply basked in the divinity of being listened to. You wondered if this was how devout Catholics like your grandmother felt at confession, or perhaps it was how all of your ex-boyfriends had felt.

You weren't even particularly attracted to him. He had been ten years older than you, and when your sessions first began, you'd been casually fucking someone a year older than him – but he didn't need to know that.

There were a lot of things you'd decided he didn't need to know. Like the fact you snorted cocaine until your nose bled, sliced into your thighs a couple of evenings a week, and let men use your body to masturbate as a feeble attempt to reclaim your sexuality - as if it had ever been anyone's for the taking.

Had he known the dirtier parts of your life, you feared he would have crossed out the word victim in his black Moleskin notebook and replaced it with bystander.

Maybe he would think you were a pathological liar and diagnose you with a personality disorder. This was something you'd been warned about by the first friend you had made at university.

“My mother is a therapist, you know. Don’t tell them you cut yourself or that you’ve told anyone you cut yourself – they’ll diagnose you with BPD.”

“But I’ve told you.”

“Trust me. They’ll put you on an SSRI and you’ll never be able to orgasm again.”

You were freshly eighteen and had never had a real orgasm anyway, but this terrified you enough to reel in your catalogue of symptoms for the GP appointment you had scheduled later that day.

In the end, you'd buckled and sobbed as the doctor sat adjacent to you. You didn’t mention the self-harming or the suicidal thoughts, but did tell her that you didn’t know where to go from here.

She'd slid a leaflet from the university's self-help website across the table before pushing her chair back and motioning toward the door.

“Call 999 if things get worse," she had said. "But let’s just hope it doesn’t get to that point. A&E is very overwhelmed at the moment.”

So you got on with it. Boats against the current, or whatever. You made the hurt so small and buried it so deep within you and swore you'd never let anyone get close enough to pick at the stray thread to your undoing.

And for a little while it worked. You became what you knew you should be; you presented your face for fucking and never let the door slam on your way out.

These days, you'd felt as though you were slowly becoming rotten.

It started on the surface; a bizarre case of adult acne that no dermatologist could diagnose for love nor money. Blood tests, topical steroids, antibiotics, potentially-baby-deforming drugs. You tried them all to little avail. In the end, it was simply the passing of time that had rid you of the rot.

Next, it had been your womb. Decomposing from the inside out. Your body had made the decision for you that goodness couldn't form in your guts.

The final straw had, embarrassingly, been your heart.

You hated to say it aloud. So much so that you hadn't. But it had been a quiet promise of yours; one you'd kept quietly close to your chest - that your suffering would never turn you ugly.

But here you were, alone and swearing at the wind, the rage beneath your skin growing like a tumour.

You hated it.

You hated yourself.

You hated that you were angry but had never been taught how to be angry, because anger wasn't a pretty emotion; it was one that should be starved and kept in the corner of your wardrobe to rot like black mould.

So here you stood: before a Victorian townhouse with your scarf furiously fighting the wind, droplets of rain threatening your freshly straightened hair, scanning various names scrawled on the building's buzzer.

S. PHYSIOTHERAPY

A & R SOLICITORS

J. MILLER PSYCHOTHERAPY

You bit the inside of your cheek and ducked further into the doorway, pressing the buzzer for the last option.

A voice had answered quicker than you'd anticipated, soon followed by a harsh buzz of the intercom.

"Come on up."

Dr. Miller's office was on the third floor.

You huffed, struggling with the combination of the stairs and attempting to wrangle your wet coat from your back. Amidst your struggle, you hear a door open somewhere above you, followed by a couple of soft and slow footsteps.

Your chin instinctively lifted toward the source of the noise, feet carrying you round and round the spiral staircase.

Light poured around his silhouette from the window behind him. It was ridiculous, actually. The sight was almost holy.

Neither of you spoke as you made your way up toward him. You felt as though you were on your knees beneath him, transfixed in supplication.

The sleeves of his blue cotton shirt were haphazardly pushed up just before his elbows, arms outstretched and fingers wrapped around the wooden bannister.

You were supposed to be actually trying with this one, not fantasising about the ways the veins in his arms probably bulged with his hand around your throat.

After being politely let go by your previous therapist, you'd promised yourself that the colleague he'd recommended to you, Dr. Miller, would be the one to fix you for good.

"Hello." He nodded, not quite managing a smile.

He reached a hand toward you, which you shook with the little strength left in your body.

"Hello." You tried your best to imitate his stoic cadence, your hand still tightly in his.

You let him break the handshake first, playing a petulant, one-sided game to see how quick he would be to scare.

"After you." He gestured to the room behind him. "Take a seat wherever you feel most comfortable."

"If there is any cowboy paraphernalia in that room I am not paying for this session."

"Excuse me?" His eyebrows knitted together, no sign of humour registering on his face.

"Your accent - it was a joke. I mean, I paid already anyway." You fumbled your words awkwardly. "Jokes are always much funnier when you explain them."

He cocked his head slightly. Hesitant to embarrass yourself further, you saw yourself into his office.

The room was dim for a space endowed with Victorian-style floor-to-ceiling windows. It felt like you could get lost in it, hide away, tuck yourself into a corner and be lost for days.

"I have your notes from Dr. Hughes." He said.

"Anything juicy?" You asked, still surveying the room.

You couldn't put your finger on the specifics of his scent, but it was familiar; like passing a man in the street wearing the same aftershave as your father, or a boyfriend you hadn't seen for years.

"I'd like to figure that out myself."

You'd eventually settled on the armchair positioned opposite his own.

You had briefly wondered if this was a test, that he would be psychoanalysing whether you chose the armchair or the adjacent sofa.

Maybe you'd failed already.

For the majority of the session, you'd gone through the necessary motions of admin, confidentiality, and what you eventually wanted to get out of therapy.

"I don't have the ability to fix you, y'know that right?" His question had caught you off guard.

"I know that." You'd replied meekly.

"It's just, I don't know what kind of promises Dr. Hughes made you. We trained together, you see. He had always been more, how do I put this, hopeful than I am."

"Oh wow. Forty minutes into our first session and you're already hopeless?" You were only partly joking.

"I'm a big believer in transparency, and I can see you were meeting on and off for a few years. I'm just intrigued as to what your end goal here is."

You bit down on your cheek, swallowing the ember of rage that was burning in your throat.

"Do you think I do this for fun? Carve out an hour a week to relive my deepest, darkest traumas?"

"Not at all. I just find it interesting that after almost three years of therapy, you still can't use the word rape. You've referred to it as the thing that happened four times already."

The rot crept up your throat, threatening to pour out of your mouth and fill the room with the ugliness that grew inside of you.

"What is this, some kind of tough love therapy?" You scoffed. Was he trying to get a rise out of you?

"It can be whatever you want it to be."

He was kind of annoying, actually.

The two of you sat in silence, defiantly holding eye contact with one another to see who would be the first to break. And when he finally spoke, it was more of a statement than a question.

"That's time. I'll see you at the same time next week."

"How are you so sure I'll come back?"

He smiled for the first time that afternoon.

"I'm not."

[wombywoo]

anything more you can tell us about mr best friend danny?? 👀

A brief bio for you:

Danny Chambers, 33 (just a few months older (edit:) younger than Quinn). Born and raised in Sheffield, lived with a single mother and three sisters. Appearance-wise--he's black, usually sports a buzz cut, average height and stocky build, big goofy smile. He never excelled in school and considers himself rather dumb, so he thought the army might be his best option. He's got a good personality, very likable and talkative; seems to get along with everyone and always has something to say.

Early on in his service, he met Quinn and the two of them developed a strong dynamic both on and off duty. He's fiercely loyal, so he's always willing to stand up for his friends and comrades. I think at some point, he became quite protective of Quinn--not that he needed defending from others (for the most part), but rather from himself. Quinn is just a sopping wet dog of a man, lol, so Danny took it on himself to try to improve him, bit by bit.

He did get concerned when Quinn started dating Marc, as he doesn't care for the guy at all from what he's seen (seems everyone can sense this but Quinn). Quinn tried not to equate Danny's disapproval of Marc as an indication that he harbored feelings for him, but..poor guy was still hopelessly in love 😭 I don't think Danny ever fully understood the extent of it, but yeah...he did not approve, and this put a strain on things for them while Quinn was still actively dating Marc.

I've talked about this briefly, but at some point, Quinn asked him in a moment of desperation to assist in inducing a vision via self-drowning 🙃 As you can imagine, Danny was extremely resistant to this idea, but perhaps it's a testament to their deep level of trust that he agreed to go through with it. After much negotiation and a few attempts to back out, he held Quinn's head under the water, even as he started resisting, until his best friend stopped breathing. He then had to watch him writhe on the floor in a brief seizure after frantically attempting CPR. So, um...not a great friend bonding moment, but it was definitely a turning point in their relationship. Quinn swore he'd never ask it of him again, but he ended up forsaking that promise pretty quickly. After that, Danny grew more and more concerned for him, even threatening to report him to the higher-ups so he could just get some fucking therapy. That protectiveness turned into a guilty sort of obligation for Danny, and things grew even more strained after Quinn confessed his feelings and tried to kiss him. They talked about it though, and Danny didn't want Quinn to feel rejected despite his lack of reciprocation. He really does care about him so much, and that just made things all the more complicated during their service together.

Their final turning point occurred when Danny was bitten by a vampire during a mission gone horribly wrong. He'd taken the bite in his left arm, and Quinn arrived just in time to eliminate the bastard (after getting his shoulder rebroken in the process). Danny was already affected by the venom by then, screaming and thrashing as Quinn tried to find the source. Once he did, it was really just a matter of necessity. He had no choice but to amputate, severing Danny's arm just above the elbow. (another intensely traumatic moment for them both #bonding #bffs4life) Thankfully, Quinn's measures were able to stop the flow of venom before it became fatal, so he saved Danny's life.

After that, Danny was discharged and has been readjusting to civilian life back in Sheffield. With Quinn in the neighborhood, as it were, there is still that unspoken agreement that they'll remain friends, but it's...it's different and somewhat awkward now. Quinn's been healing from his own shoulder injury, but he's reluctant to check in on Danny even though he knows that he should. He feels guilty about the arm, and well..everything else. Danny had reconnected with one of his old girlfriends and they've become quite serious in the aftermath of his injury, so Quinn feels like he might as well take a step back and just...let him live his life without him. It's all very complicated and heartbreaking and whatnot :'D

With the new vampire bf now in the picture, there's even more complication--I think Danny feels immensely happy and relieved to see his friend with someone who takes care of him as well as Vincent, but.... like...vampire. There's definitely some resentment and awkwardness there, as his amputation is still fresh enough to serve as a constant reminder of just how dangerous this guy could be. It is a weight off Danny's chest to know that Quinn's happier and that he doesn't need his protection anymore, even if he doesn't quite know if he can trust Vincent yet...

[archangeldyke-all]

okay, hear me out… spiderman!sevika 😮‍💨

granted, i've never seen any of the spider man movies so this is all just guess work but... u are definitely onto something with this, anon.

men and minors dni

singed and silco, two scientists on the cutting edge of genetic modification and microbiology, joined forces three years ago to experiment with spiders in order to produce webs that could be used in surgeries to quickly close badly bleeding arteries.

you and sevika, their respective lab assistants, have been working together ever since.

while the two doctors make their rounds at various government agencies and universities, asking for grants to fund their research; you and sevika spend your days holed up in the lab together, studying spiders and looking through microscopes.

you guys have grown pretty close. your work is your life, sevika's is hers: you're both in the lab for upwards of twelve hours a day on average. which means that you guys know each other really well. you're lucky your lab partner is so attractive and charming. she's lucky that you remember to eat three times a day, and always drag her along with you.

you're there the night sevika gets bit by a spider that singed named 'shimmer.'

you're right by her side, watching in horror as the bite swells her hand up until it's the size of her face-- and then deflates and goes back to normal within a minute. you're there to gasp in horror as you watch sparkly blue streaks engrave themselves up sevika's left arm, onto her neck and jaw. you're there to catch her when she passes out, you're the first thing she sees when she wakes up after.

she comes back to work the next morning insisting she's fine and refusing to make eye contact with you.

she's obviously not fine. but you don't mention it.

you don't mention it when she starts coming to work with bruises and scrapes-- broken glass in her hair.

you don't mention it when a mysterious new vigilante starts making the rounds around town-- preventing crimes that just so happen to occur while you and sevika aren't in the lab-- apparently shooting webs and swinging away before anyone can get a good look at them.

you don't even mention the police scanner she brings in to listen to while the two of you work.

but when you get the lab one late night to check on some spiders you've been trying to get to mate and find sevika in a shredded red costume, bleeding profusely from her side-- you can't hold your tongue any longer.

"oh, for fuck's sake, sev!" you cry as you grab the first aid kit off the wall and rush over to her, pushing her hands away from the gash in her side. she's delirious from blood loss, her eyes glossy as she looks up at you.

"'m sorry. 'm gettin' blood everywhere..."

"fuck-- just-- sit back for me okay?" you ask.

"don' take me to the hospital... they'll take me away for tests 'n i'll never come back." she mumbles. your heart breaks for her and all the fear in her voice, and you nod, promising her. she passes out moments after.

you patch her up and get her out of her blood soaked costume, then lay her down on the little couch in your break room.

you don't take your sight off of her the entire night. you keep your eyes focused on the steady rise and fall of her chest, and you keep your mind focused on the scolding you're going to give her when she wakes up.

and when she does wake up, and seemingly remembers all that's happened, she immediately tries to cover it up.

"it's not what you think, i got robbed!" she says. you groan, resisting the urge to punch her now that she's injured.

"sevika, you can lie to yourself all you want, but i was there when you were bit." you say. she blinks.

"you...you've known the whole time?" she asks. you chuckle.

"you're not subtle!"

"i... why didn't you say anything!?"

"it was cute watching you think you were gettin' away with it." you say, shrugging. sevika chuckles a bit, and you kick her shin, sighing. "look, sev." you say. "so you've got superpowers. fine. you wanna be a vigilante? cool. but you can't-- you're gonna end up dead before you can do any real good if you don't have someone watchin' your back for you." you say. she sighs.

"i know..." she mumbles.

"and..." you continue. sevika raises an eyebrow at you and you huff. "i really don't want you dead, sevika. you're a good lab partner, and a better friend and..." you trail off shaking your head. "'s stupid." you chuckle.

you can hear sevika's throat click as she gulps. "what's stupid?" she asks. you huff. "the spider bite gave me psychic powers, y'know, i'll just figure it out myself." she says. you burst into laughter.

"no it did not." you say. sevika huffs.

"no, it didn't." she sighs. "c'mon just tell me!"

"sevika, it's stupid!"

"stupider than me being a fucking spider powered superhero?" she asks. you giggle.

"yes!"

"how is it stupider than that!?"

"because i'm not a spider-powered superhero, i've got a fucking crush on one!" you say. sevika's eyes go wide, and you cringe. "fuck-- forget it."

"will you be my sidekick?" sevika asks. you snort.

"that's even worse than a spider-powered superhero."

"but will you?" she asks. you shrug.

"if you pretend i didn't just say that." you offer. sevika snorts.

"that wouldn't work though..." she says. you look back up at her and she shrugs. "i was kinda thinking it could be like a sidekick/girlfriend/labpartner 3 in 1 kinda thing." she says.

you grin, and sevika smiles, and then-- she's kissing you. you don't know how you ended up in her arms-- you could feel the webs drag you toward her but you didn't get a good look at how she did it-- but you can ask later... when she's done kissing you.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @vikasub

[knightyoomyoui]

[SMUT COMMISSION] TWICE Jeongyeon x Male Reader - "Just The Way You Are"

Word Count: 15,169  Tags: virgin sex, BODY WORSHIP AND POSITIVITY, dominant and submissive, roleplay, honeymoon, rough sex, vanilla sex, angst, fluff, smut etc. WARNING: contains smut, R+18, mature and sexual content, curse words

Here's my very first commissioned fic featuring our lovely angel Yoo Jeongyeon of TWICE requested to me by @devittobushi, a huge thank you once again for giving me the opportunity to write a commission for you! This has one objective in mind, and that is show lots of love and appreciation for Jeongyeon's current appearance through YN who will stand as Jeongyeon's best man in this story , so for those bitter body shamers of her... yall ain't allowed here with us who will still support her all the way along, unless yall wanna change. In addition, this marks my LONGEST one-shot work EVER, surpassing my Dahyun x Male Reader oneshot "Everlasting Love" from TWICE: Book Of One-Shots x Reader with 13,056 word count. Enjoy reading and I hope I did well on my first commission fic!

START

It was 9:29 PM in the evening. You are a veterinarian who is operating the only open and available pet clinic through a street in Seoul. Tonight,you are entertaining your last client who happens to visit your place to seek some assistance regarding his pet dog who is a chihuahua having some stomach issues.

“How is he, doctor?” The owner named Mr. Park asked nervously after you finished checking-up his dog, putting down your stethoscope.

“She is stable now. Nothing need to be worried about, sir.” You calmly said. “It wasn’t that life-risky, but it could’ve went worse if you didn’t happen to rescue her on time.”

“Yeah, good luck that it was my day off today that’s why I got to stay home and be with my Blossom for today.” The owner explained how was he able to atleast send her dog to the clinic. “Anyways, how is the result doc?”

"So, like I said, it was that much worse, but this isn’t a joke either. This has to be treated immediately,” you said as you felt sympathy for Blossom. “May I ask you something? Do you happen to notice something unusual about your dog that made her be like this? ”

He shook his head after quite a while of posing himself and thinking deeply. “No, Doc, I don’t remember at all. She was just fine to me, as from what I can see about her, how she moves from the last few days, but unlike earlier... she just started moaning and barking deeply enough to make me panic and scared for her.”

“Hmmm okay.” You nodded, but your theory wasn’t satisfied yet. “Did she occur to inspect something from outside your place?”

“None. My dog is too meek and quiet. She wasn’t that kind of pet that is so active enough to be a pain in the ass.” He replied. “Why, was there something wrong about it?”

“What about his eating habits, still nothing?”

You remained silent as you watched Blossom sleeping while free from pain. “She eats a lot. I mean literally SO MUCH that she exceeds the average amount of dog foods she had to consume everyday.”

“How much she ate in a day?”

“Four? Sometimes it gets higher than that.”

“Jesus, now it makes sense.” You cursed under your breath. “Oh you hungry softball, you better chill a little bit.” 

You patted her belly and caressed her head before you returned your focus at her owner.

“Blossom has stomach issues, Mr. Park. It may have not been for their overexposure to waste and mess but instead for her overpassing the limit on how should a dog in a breed like her should regularly eat.” You revealed to him the specific details of your findings.

“She may have eating delicious and fitting dog food for her body but that doesn’t mean she can just take it all as much as she wants.” You continued. “Blossom’s overeating made the symptoms to form and turn into gastroenthritis.”

“I really thought at first she is pregnant.” He gasped.

“No, sir. Her belly bloated because of too much intake of food, and the undigested inside her stomach causing it to pile up and not letting the blood and the oxygen flow around their body. Their digestive system might got disturbed the more this keeps going on. It might also get infected with bacterias from the waste of all those she took and could make her gastric worsen.”

“And now that she’s here, that should mean it got prevented, right?”

“You have to less worry for her, I made her comfortably rest because I couldn’t imagine how painful it is for her to hold it in.” You said, glancing at Blossom’s sleeping state. He huffed in relief at the good news.

“I just have one advice for you, monitor and control what she eats next time. It might lessen the risk other having stomach issues, okay?” 

“Got it. Thank you very much, doctor.” He nodded and bowed down in respect for you. “I’m really glad that there’s a place here already where I can go and prevent travelling far away just to search for a pet clinic.”

“You’re welcome, sir.” You humbly responded.

“Actually, lucky for you I was about to start packing up until you showed up. Talking about perfect timing.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Yeah, it was really fortunate of me to have something like this located nearby at my place, and it is the only pet clinic too.”

Those words effectively motivated him, and you preached of them because he felt like he had a bright purpose that had to be done in a place where something like this unique of a service, especially for the residents who own pets at home to go through once there was a sudden emergency.

“Anyways, I’ll just gonna pick up the papers to seal this deal up. Please wait for a while.” You gently said as you left the owner have some alone time with his beloved pet.

You returned back from your office carrying the clipped papers containing infos about Blossom’s condition, consent from the owner that the patient must stay here for continous check up and lastly the bills of the medication he has to pay for.

He signed all of them and ended their brief meeting with a mutual agreement. He lavished you again with lots of gratitude before he bids goodbye to his let and left the place, leaving you alone again in your own personal space.

“Cmon, Blossom. Let's get you somewhere safe and comfy,” you said as you carefully carried the chihuahua and placed her in one of the vacant cages filled with blankets.

After you successfully didn’t disturb her peaceful rest, you decided to divert your attention now to prepare yourself for going home. You switched the placard from "Come in, we’re OPEN" to "Sorry, we are CLOSED" so that no more clients would appear and beg to make another request at the very last second.

While putting back all the things to their necessary spots, your vision garnered attention by the appearance of a black van stopping from your client. It became more familiar when a woman stepped out and bid farewell to her fellow staff. 

She turned around and started walking towards the door. Sporting furrowed brows and a confused smile, you had to witness her figure becoming more visible as she opened the door and removed her bag to be placed on one of the seats.

There she was, your girlfriend, standing in front of you. One of the idols and members of the worldwide popular K-Pop girl group TWICE is Yoo Jeongyeon herself.

“Good evening, my YN! ”She slowly walked at you, and you were startled when she immediately hugged you while in her baggy coat. She buries her head on your shoulder, and you watched her submerge herself into your contact.

“Hey, my Jeongie.” You rubbed her back. “You look really tired. You should’ve gone home already and gotten a rest rather than coming here, especially since you’re doing dance practices for your group’s comeback. Save some more energy. ”You reprimanded here with pure concern audible in your voice, as you mentioned how busy and working hard for their new single More and More.

“Ehh, why do you sound like you don’t want me to be here.” she sulked. “Well that’s why I came here for, you’re my battery YN.” Her voice was muffled, but you can already guess that one of your girlfriend’s usual behavior is to either tease you or she gets easily sulk and sad at whatever that has something to do within her actions that wasn’t entirely right makes her disturbed.

“No, ofcourse I love to see you too and I’m glad you’re okay. I just hope you could’ve thought of yourself for now because you needed it. I just care about you, Jeongyeon. You know that because that’s how I love you so much.” You caressed her long blonde hair, feeling her silky length sliding between your fingers as you pressed the side of your head against her.

“Sweet as always, heh.” Jeongyeon smiled and wiggled her face more at the broadness of your shoulder and seethed in your fragrant scent. “But you said it anyways that what’s important for you is my own sake and what should I do about it. Well, I decided to come here and see you because I can’t be alone there at the house while waiting for you. I can’t rest at ease without having you on my side, you know that.” Your clingy and soft girlfriend spoke about her defense.

“Do you really miss me that much? We just saw each other earlier in the morning.” You chuckled.

“That wasn’t enough, okay? We haven’t been able to spend some time together because of how busy we’ve been. You can’t blame me for needing you.” She reminded you why she was this eager tonight to have your affection. You smiled, as you appreciated how you felt so important for her life right now.

“I love you, Jeongyeon.” The only words you can reply at your loss of other words to tell. You hugged her tightly and kissed her temple.

“Love you more, my YN.” She giggled kissed you in the cheek.

“You good now?”

“Mmhhmm.”

“Alright, we can continue this at home sp lemme fix these up and we’re all good to go.” You said, breaking your embrace with her.

“Let me help you-”

“Nope, you stay here missy and rest. I can handle this.” You know how much of a clean freak your girlfriend is and you appreciate her consideration to help you, but like you said, her own sake is what that matters the most for you.

She must be really exhausted. You can feel how her heartbeat and her breathing were all racing. And if you say that, you mean that at all because obviously you and anybody should not underestimate how hard it is to be a K-Pop idol, and you have always alluded Jeongyeon for carrying such a heavy career.

Although before she was able to reach the seat, she paused and asked you again. “Uhh YN-nie where are the boys?”

“At the back, sleeping.” You pointed with your thumb.

“Owkieee” She went first to head through the direction to your office. You returned all the things back to their respective locations before you followed her and watched her from the doorframe.

Jeongyeon has cautiously opened the cage and pulled the tray to expose her two boys, which are technically her two pet dogs named Nanan and Peanut, both quietly sleeping, along with the rest of the pets here slated to be under your supervision and care while they are receiving treatment.

She has entrusted it to you to take care of them since her other pet, a cat named Bomb, is already with her parents. She was supposed to take them to her sister Seungyeon, who usually guards them, but sadly, as an actress, she is currently busy filming her upcoming TV show. Her other sister, Seoyeon, couldn’t do the same since she’s mostly focused on officework.

Fortunately, she has another special person in mind who has this quality that he shares with hers and finds it a huge green flag for her ideal man that she can trust for her pets. That’s one of the ways you were able to win her heart one day.

Unbeknownst to her, as you continue to watch your loving girlfriend act like a mother to her two kids, it makes your mind travel back to that one unforgettable memory that serves as the beginning of how you and her ended up to what you two are now currently in your relationship status as a couple.

FLASHBACK

1 YEAR AGO

You were busy treating one of your patients when the chime rang, signaling that the door had been opened by somebody. Your head turned to the open pathway as it stole your attention.

Leaving your medication station, you left to see your new client.

Stepping out of the doorframe, you stopped as you saw that the client turned out to be a woman. She was wearing a mask with an outfit composed of a mint-green t-shirt with leggings and some clean-looking rubber shoes. Her dog was in her arms.

“Good morning, maam. Are you gonna set an appointment?” You greeted the lady.

“Good morning too, doc. Ahh yes, please.” She nodded and slowly rocked her pet dog in her arms.

“How can I help you?”

“My dog is sick. He’s burning in fever and I don’t have anyone else to take care of her. I’m a busy woman these days.” Her voice was fully of softness and worry as she looks down at her poor dog.

“Wait a second, please. I’ll just gonna return my patient back to her cage.” You said before you made an instant action regarding her concern.

After doing what you said, you returned to the woman and instructed her. “Follow me, please.”

You and the lady ended up at the medication station to conduct a brief check-up on her dog. After removing the thermometer, you checked to see the temperature, and the result got you worried for the dog too. 

“104 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s high. She does have a fever,” you said, placing the back of your hand against its body. “She’s very hot at the moment; we have to give her medicine immediately to decrease the heat in her body.”

The woman nodded, and she just let you do your own thing as part of your expertise as a veterinarian. You injected something into the dog, and its speedy breathing somehow calmed down.

“This should do. It’ll get her to take it again after 7 hours.” You informed the lady.

“Thank you so much, doc.” She bowed in gratitude.

“Okay, follow me so that you can log off and we can process the papers.” 

You and her went to your desk next. She was sitting in front of you at the guest seat. “May I clarify something? Are you perhaps alone right now in your property?”

“Yes, but actually I somehow stay sometimes on my other houses than my own dorm, my sisters and my parents.” She answered. You muttered to yourself that this lady is very rich.

“Are your sister and your parents aren’t available to manage her… oh wait, what’s your pet name?”

“Peanut.”

“Cute. I see why you came up with that name.” You joked as you remembered her color, and you immediately understood the point of the origin. She also chuckled at how guilty she was.

“Okay so why was there nobody to atlesst assist Peanut for the meantime? Are all of them unavailable?”

“Yes, doc. My sister is busy also at her work and my parents… well they also do have business on their own but mostly my mom is already guarding my two other pets. I just don’t want to bring more burden at them so I decided to take Peanut here.” She explained.

“Good idea. I can assure you that Peanut will be back on her good condition again.” You said confidently. Her cheeks widened, indicating that she must be smiling behind the mask at your positive words.

“Can I get your name, maam?”

“Y-Yoo Jeongyeon.”

You were about to land the ballpoint of your pen onto the chart when your brows furrowed as it clicked on your sense that hearing that name hit you a familiarity. 

“Come again?”

“I know you heard me, doc. You must be recognizing me now.” She giggled shyly.

Your mouth agaped and let out an ‘ooh’. “What a pleasant surprise. This has to be the first time I get to face a famous celebrity visiting my clinic.” You laughed. “You’re Jeongyeon of TWICE, am i correct?”

“Yes.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” 

“This won’t do help anymore anyways.” She removes her mask. Her full visual is now visible to you, and wow she must be also the most beautiful client you have ever encountered so far in your time here. 

The hand that you’re presenting at her for a handshake flinched as soon as you saw her face in full display. Jeongyeon accepted your hand, and your body shivered at her warm touch passed on you.

“Pleasure to meet you too, doc. I could tell this might be your first time… or you’re a fan?”

“Ahh… sorry for this but I’’ll go with the first one.” You cautiously said on her, fearing that she might get offended at your explaination after. “Not actually to consider myself a fan, I do have listened to some of your songs and it’s pretty good but I’m just not that invested much at K-Pop” you said in an apologetic tone.

“No, it’s fine doctor. I’m actually glad that I can atleast be able to have a conversation with somebody by just being simply as myself and not this famous image that I’ve built for myself.” She said. 

“You’re right, and if that’s what makes you comfortable, then I would be willing to give you that, Ms. Yoo.” 

You and Jeongyeon proceeded to finalize the necessary informations before you made it clear to her that Peanut must stay here for an estimated 3 days since you still have an available slot left for pets to remain at your workplace for stricter guidance and medication.

Jeongyeon agreed on that and appreciated your service again before she bids your farewell. Once she left, you breathed out deeply, astounded that you had just interacted with an idol and, at the same time, had such an attractive lady like Jeongyeon.

The next day, Jeongyeon went to visit again at an earlier time compared to yesterday to gain an update on Peanut, and fortunately, you brought some good news. Although Prsnut is still sick, you informed her that she is now stable and that her temperature has improved.

After getting to look at Peanut, who is resting, Jeongyeon decided to spare her breaktime from her work by engaging in some conversation with you, away from the honorifics, and rather as two people genuinely getting acquainted with each other.

They explore topics like Jeongyeon sharing her interest on opening a pet clinic too if she wasn't an idol because she likes animals too, particulary dogs and cats, you being not that much of a K-Pop fan, and some other common and difference between each other.

That’s where she learned as the mood shifted when you brought up about the fact that he's unsure if his clinic will remain here for long when Jeongyeon expressed her interest to come back here again because you told Jeongyeon that his rent exceeded due and he already got a warning from the landlord. He wanted to pay but he is struggling to attain the required money, now that it gotten higher than the previous amount of rent.

You also added that you are currently trying to search for other vacant places where you can move your clinic to escape the heavy rent. 

Jeongyeon was saddened by it and hoped that things would go well for him. Little did you know, though, that when she returned again for the last day to pick up Peanut, she actually took note of it and surprised you with a reward for helping her.

“Uhm n-no Miss Yoo thank you so much for this but… I can’t accept this. This is too much, I’m just doing my work.” You respectfully refused her offer.

“No, you deserve it, that’s why, and I can see that you are a gooand easygoing with. We can be friends if you’ll even like that more.” Jeongyeon grinned and shrugged. Her invitation to welcome you to a much more explorable and closer connection with her has shocked you to the core.

You must be one of the luckiest people in the world because, despite being a stranger, you had no idea that, as you crossed paths with a huge name like Jeongyeon, you didn’t expect at all that you'd be able to make friends with her. All you knew at first was that this whole thing was just going to be a one-off experience.

“That’s why I’m doing this. I can respect your refusal, but you know I would like it better if you’ll give it more time to think and… accept this.” She smiled and handed you a card. “This is my number, contact me when you make up your mind.”

She just left you speechless as she exits your clinic. You gulped and let out a gasp as you view Jeongyeon’s business card in your possession. Remembering her advice, you did contemplated about the offer for the entirety of the night. The next day, a one call away was all it took for Jeongyeon to get the go signal.

You and Jeongyeon visited the place, and it did match your liking. What she did after overwhelmed you when she said that she'd be the one to buy it for you, and all of the embarrassment and humbleness overflow at Jeongyeon’s initiative to help you.

But you have no choice but to accept; after all, this is already such a wonderful free treat coming from a kind-hearted woman like Jeongyeon. You accepted it, and Jeongyeon made the payment. Now she has also assisted you to relocate with the help of some movers and establish this place your official new clinic.

Because of this wholesome exchange that you and Jeongyeon made possible, this became the gateway to an opportunity when, as days went on, their bond grew until they started to feel something more for each other. That’s when Jeongyeon realized that there was another reason why she was so open to getting closer to you: she finds you interesting.

Then one day, being a true man, you were the one who submitted and initiated the first move by confessing what you feel for her despite anxious and fear. It was all washed away when Jeongyeon shockingly accepted, marking the beginning of their relationship as a couple. BACK TO THE PRESENT

You took Jeongyeon home right away after closing the clinic. Reaching your own safe haven together, you act through your words that you will help your exhausted girlfriend relax by giving her a proper massage before joining her on the bed for a deep slumber.

A week later, they have already reached the D-day for their comeback release titled More and More. You attended their first scheduled music show performance to promote their new title track and the album, belonging to the ones who were committed to appear at the studio very early in the morning since that’s the scheduled time for the idols to tape their performance before the live voting hours later.

As much as you wanted to accompany your girl at the moment, you knew that she’s getting assisted right now by her staff. You were feeling so enthusiastic and motivated to do everything for Jeongyeon today, and what came after surely didn’t have yourself to blame for why you’re being like this.

Exactly as they achieved their first win based on the combination of both live voting and the other criteria's result, it also coincided as your first anniversary together, making this day with her even more special.

Rushing through the backstage after one of the managers helped you to pass through the guards, you met Jeongyeon and greeted her with a tight hug and a proud kiss for her additional achievement today.

“Congratulations, Jeong. Oppa’s so proud of you, darling.” You said very close to her ear after kissing her in the temple and stroking her hair from behind. Jeongyeon’s breathed deepened and you felt her body trembled at her chuckle.

“Thank you, YN. Another thing for us to celebrate, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah we will. So better wrap up your schedule for today because we are going to spend this day really well.” You said, staring at her with an excited grin. “Have you already told your managers about it?”

“Yeah I did. They allowed me. However, since they’re gonna move the rest of what we’re supposed to do today onto the next day, our schedule will be heavier.” Jeongyeon frowned at the consequences.

“O-oh no… wait, are you sure you’re still up-”

“Don’t worry about me, and us oppa. The girls are fine with it. They know how important this day is for us. Right, girls?” Jeongyeon acknowledged her sense of having others listening to your conversation with her at the moment and she was right. As she turned her head around, you and her caught the girls peeking at the door with their busted reactions.

They all gestured with thumbs ups and nods, even sending their congratulations for your first anniversary with Jeongyeon. You thanked them before facing your girl back.

“Time is running, let’s get going shall we?”

Jeongyeon hurriedly went to their dressing room and packed her things before she joined you and left the studio along with the bodyguards to shield you both against the fans who might trap you two in a stampede.

As you escorted Jeongyeon to the car, you thanked the bodyguards before entering too and awakening the engines to drive off through your first destination.

From afternoon to evening, you and her went to Gwangjang Market since her request was that she would love to have a food trip with all the street food they could get. You understood immediately her love for street food, so you granted it, taking her there and letting yourself get dragged along to wherever food stalls could attract her.

In the middle of a cold evening, you and Jeongyeon strolled along the uphills, where the scenery of the city was almost visible. Standing on one of the balconies, you savored this peaceful moment with the most precious woman in your life with some random talks about topics that can amuse both of you until it went to the most important aspect of why you brought her here.

You handed a box at Jeongyeon. When she opened it, her eyes lighted at the sparkling object laid neatly in front of her. It was a necklace that Nayeon recommended for you to buy when she shared that Jeongyeon was staring the most at this one while they were shopping. Even though she can buy it easily, she decided not to because their purpose on that time was to buy things that they needed the most in their dorm.

“YN… this is beautiful. I- I really appreciate this, you really searched for the place just to get this for me?” Jeongyeon’s expression went mellow for you. 

“You know I will do everything just to make you happy, Jeongyeon.”

Jeongyeon hugged you and kissed you in the cheek. “Thank you so much, babe. I’ll wear this often.”

“Oh you better be. It suits you.” 

“But wait, you think you’re the only one who has a gift prepared?” She smirked and slowly placed the box of the necklace on her bag.

“And what do you have for me too, missy?” You returned the same gesture as her.

“But first, let me drive this time. I want to show you it by myself.”

You had no issues with her request, and you just let her sit in the driver's seat while you’re the one on the passenger list this time. Jeongyeon parked the car in one of the parking lots in a hotel building, and you just kept yourself silent, keeping your questions as to why the two of you went here.

Reaching the final storey as they exit the elevator, you were perplexed as to why there’s only one room left. Jeongyeon pulled out the keys and unlocked the door. The interior of the unexpectedly huge and spacious room made your jaw almost drop to the floor.

“J-jeongyeon, w-what are we doing in here? Is this y-yours?” You said as you roam your eyes around the surrounding of the room.

“Correction: ours… but technically, it’s mainly for you, YN.” Jeongyeon placed her bag on the couch and gripped both of your arms. “Because this whole place was effectively bought and signed in for ownership under the name of… YN LN.”

“W-what?” Your eyes widened at Jeongyeon’s reveal. “You s-serious? Does that mean-”

“Mmmhhmm… this is all yours, mister.” Jeongyeon hummed and nodded. “You don’t have to travel farther from our house to your clinic because is this just few roads away from there. No more hassle for you.”

“This is… wow. This is awesome. Thank you a lot, truly. You’re making me feel like I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

“Well you must be. Not only you own such a luxurious place like this but it will be never compared to that one rare and outstanding thing that you possess the most, and that is my heart. And I’m glad that you’re handling it with care, my love.”

“I just can’t broke it. I can’t seem to hurt you, Jeong.” You tucked her hair behind her ear. You and Jeongyeon shared a passionate kiss again before Jeongyeon pushed you to speak something in addition.

“Since we now live together here… that means we can do whatever we want here tonight, right?” Jeongyeon smirked as her voice slowly gets lower along with her touch from your shoulder slipping down to your chest.

“J-jeong…”

“And this place is yours, then that means you’re the one in-charge…” She starts to remove the buttons of your polo.

“Jeong, are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, I trust you, YN.” was her only response. She has fully spread your clothing open, revealing your pecs and toned abs. Her breath got stuck in her throat for a while before she licked her lips. “It will be my first time too with you, so be gentle for me oppa, please.”

Confirming that she is indeed prepared to initiate this kind of activity with you, you have decided to join along with her plan. “I promise you that, baby. Oppa’s going to take care of you tonight.” 

You pulled her head towards you to land another kiss, but it was still passionate until it got mixed up by some little intensity and heat built up from both parties. Reaching for the zipper on the back of her black dress, you pulled it down and slowly removed it from her body while your lips were still entangled with hers.

Dropping the dress on the floor, she is now only sporting a black laced bra on top, her warm, milky skin now in contact with yours. You released from the kiss, allowing her gasp from your hands wandered around her back and arm, along with some slight squeezes there.

Kneeling down on the floor, you unhooked the only button present that holds her waistband before pulling down her skirt onto her ankles. Looking up to her, you saw the distinct shy blush formed in her cheeks as she stared at your face on an equal level with her panty-covered pussy.

Helping her take off the skirt from her ankles as she lifts both her feet, your hands then ran through the length of her astonishingly sculpted long legs, enough to qualify for a model’s quality. The movement ended exactly at her bubbly ass, giving it a light squeeze and inserting your finger inside the hem of her pants, moving it again back and forth.

Jeongyeon yelped at your fingernails raking her sensitive ass. Standing back up to your feet, you cupped her cheeks and kissed her again shortly before you grabbed her arms and led her to join you on the bed. Sitting first on the mattress, you silently instructed her to stack herself next on your lap.

Facing you with her sexy body, Jeongyeon starts to grab both sides of your head to kiss you deeply and nuzzle onto your neck, peppering it with some sucking and licking, wanting to show you that she owns you. You did the same thing for her to return the favor, inhaling her pleasant smell and dragging your lips across the surface of her neck and her dazzling collarbones before you kissed each inch of her shoulders.

Your fingers tugged against the strap of her bra; it slid down to the cups until it located the clip on the front. Unhooking it, you set off the bra from the sides, revealing her perky B-cup-sized breasts for you, ready to be indulged by her admirer.

Not wasting any more time, you quickly sucked her pinkish nipples, giving them equal treatment as you gnawed her tits left to right. Jeongyeon mewled as she savors the feeling of your tongue coating her nipples with saliva. To add more satisfying feeling, you joined her hands in action by groping both of her milkers while you patiently devour them.

As you buried your face in her wonderful cleavage, your hands then went at her back and ass to massage them until the wetness forming under Jeongyeon’s pants encouraged her to start grinding at your crotch. 

Jeongyeon pushes you to the bed, laying you down on the mattress. Having her on top of you, she immediately had her sight next to your pants, still distractingly covering her prize. 

Unbuckling your belt and tugging your pants away, she left you with your boxers remaining.

The view of the outline of your hardened length made Jeongyeon dazed in lust and desire of having you to herself. To satisfy her craving, she finally unveiled your veiny thick cock standing at 8 inches proud for her. She licked her lips deliciously at its delectable size.

“Fuck, you’re so big, baby. Woah, I don’t know if this will fit inside of me.” She ran her finger nails on the underside of your shaft. You cursed out at how sensitive your cock is at the ticklish feeling of what Jeongyeon is doing.

She just cackled devilishly as she noticed pre-cum starting to drip out from your crotch. “Oh, no. We can’t just let it waste like that. Lemme clean it up for you, baby.” She starts to lift your cock with her slender hands and licked the puddle of pre-cum on your skin. 

Her eyes then marveled at the humongeous size of your cock around her fist, rattling it like she’s handling a toy.

“Mmmhh… so fucking big, baby. I always wanted to taste something like this. Now I’d love to definitely keep you by my side more.” She starts to lick your head, cleaning the remaining dripping pre-cum on its slit. Your breaths became heavy at her pervy actions.

“J-jeong.. ah shit, that feels so good.”

“Do you love this? Your hot girlfriend sucking off your long, thick cock?” She starts to gently pump onto your meat. 

“Yeahhh… ahmm” You nodded as you swipe some hair blocking her eyes.

“I’m going to empty your balls, baby.” Jeongyeon then began to take you inside her mouth, her mouth slurping around your girth.

You are floating into Cloud 9 until her loud gag snapped you back into reality, and as you looked down, Jeongyeon has now almost swallowing your entire length, a mission success still for an impressive deepthroat. 

“It fits both into my mouth and hands, can’t wait to feel our bodies mashed together.” She then starts to fasten her blowjob, spreading the mixture of her spit and your pre cum along the skin of your hardened cock.

Jeongyeon went under to also share her attention on your full heavy balls. She slobbered on each of your testicles, arising her anticipating to have your load get emptied for her. As she returned to give you more deep sucks and tight pumps, you felt that familiar tightening of your stomach and crotch.

“Fuck my mouth, baby. I know you’re getting close.” Jeongyeon mentioned it as soon as she felt your cock twitch inside her mouth. It urged you to hold her head as a handle and start moving your hips upwards as you fuck her face, her throat getting penetrated by your girth.

As she furiously tapped your thighs, you stopped moving and let your cock slip out of her mouth to give her a break, breathing deeply and tears forming in her eyes. However, she was still enjoying it. She even slapped your meat on her face, making herself look really needy.

She returned your cock back to her mouth, giving you a few more suckers before you alerted her that you were about to reach your end. “I’m cumming, Jeong! ”

Jeongyeon felt her mouth then filled with thick and creamy white substance or simply, your cum saved up for months of not ejaculating. As you take your cock out, Jeongyeon had some few cum dripping out from the side of her lips before she licked it off with her fingers after she swallowed your cum empty in her mouth.

“Damn, Jeongyeon you are so daring, aren’t you?”

“Only for you, YN. I just can’t resist how hot my boyfriend is.” She said and licked your still hard cock clean.

“Same thoughts we’re sharing, then.” You kissed her on the cheek before pulling her closer towards you and switch position, now she’s the one laying on the bed.

“My turn, baby.” You removed her panties down from her legs before you spreaded it, taking your first look at her glistening pussy ready to be taken and had its virginity invaded with the cock owned by man it adores.

You buried your face deep through her slit, tracing it with the tip of your tongue. Jeongyeon sighed loudly at the pleasure it provides. You flicked her clit repeatedly, tensing her lower parts more.

“Mmhhmmm… f-fuck, baby yeah that’s it, make that talented mouth of yours show how can it to me~” Jeongyeon bit her lips and gasped at the feeling of your sweet suckle on the fat borders of her pussy. Your tongue then went back to work inside her walls, wiggling it and bumping it on each sides.

“Oh god i’m cumming, haaahh I’m cumming on that handsome face YN!”

Jeongyeon lived up to her words, squirting her love juices straight at your face, while you try to catch some of the fluids to drink by your mouth. Sweet and tangy for your impression, it still paid off to witness your girlfriend now lost in the sensation of sex, riding her orgasm off with eyes shut off.

You kneeled between her legs and dragged the tip of your cock again to her slit. “Are you ready babe?”

Jeongyeon nodded whilst feeling a bit nervous. “P-please, YN be gentle…”

“I will, baby. Just say if you need to adjust okay? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, but don’t get me wrong YN. I really love to do this with you. I want this to finally happen.”

“Me too, Jeong. Now we all have the time in the world to fulfill our desires.” You said before giving her one last nod as you start pushing your length slowly inside her pussy. Jeongyeon shuts her eyes off and groans a bit at the pain.

“Babe, you okay?” You asked her with worry.

“Yeah, just give me a bit of time to adjust.” You nodded and waited for her signal to proceed. She did, and you started to move once again. Her groans and yelps trying to take your size more transformed into moans and whimpers of pleasure as you performed your fifth and more gentle thrusts at her.

“Goddamn, Jeongyeon you’re so tight!” You grunted and gritted your teeth at how perfectly it strokes your cock as it compressed your girth.

“And you’re so fucking big inside of me, baby. You’re almost touching my womb, I can feel it poking me!” She said as she spreaded her legs even wider.

You held her ankles as you tried to speed up your jams, sending Jeongyeon delighted at your attempted aggressiveness while in a missionary position. Letting her legs wrap around your body, your hands are then planted on her bouncing tits.

“Ugh ugh ugh aghmm… yeahhh hnnghh~” Jeongyeon lets out melodies of delight out of her mouth at the heavenly pleasure of your cock banging her tight pussy.

Your strokes went slow as you tried to tease her next, making her whimpers louder. As you felt that curling feeling again, you laid your body on top of Jeongyeon and kissed her once again, your tongues dancing along to the rhythm of your movements.

You were now fucking her at such a rough pace, your balls slapping the bottom of her ass, sending her rocking crazily on the bed. Her breasts are now squished within your pecs.

“O-ohhh fuck yes there! You’re hitting the spot oh so deep, baby…”

“Jeongyeon, shit… I’m about to release it!”

“Do it outside! I can’t get pregnant yet!”

You take out your cock. As an alternative way to make your cock feel like its still ravaging her pussy, you lift up her legs and pressed them together. Inserting your cock between her juicy thighs, you continued your pace and your length sliding through the surface of her cunt made Jeongyeon feel the satisfying effect of it too.

“Shit, I’m cumming again Jeong!”

“Give it to me!”

On one last push, you blow your second load, splattering around her torso, mostly at her breasts, lips, and stomach. You gave off a few strokes in her thighs before you let go, laying down beside her on the bed.

Jeongyeon scooped your cum on her body as much as she could catch and swallowed it once again with pure will. She hummed in delight at its delicious salty taste. You and she stared at each other, exchanging both amazed and hilarious chuckles.

“I can’t believe we just did that.”

“Yeah, me too. You were really serious about getting this moment happen.” Jeongyeon laughed at your joke.

“Thank you for being my first time, YN.”

“I’m much grateful as you are, Jeong. To have it with such an amazing woman like you, especially, the only one that my heart prefers.”

You kissed her again before Jeongyeon starts to sit up. “I have to clean myself. You really did made a mess out of me, huh.” She teased you as she points at your cum dripping on her tits.

“That’s what you to do me for being so hot.”

Jeongyeon rolled her eyes and playfully pushed you to the side. She offers her hand at you. “Come on, join me to the bathroom and get clean up.”

Well for that initiative, you have no intention to decline, especially when its an another opportunity to appreciate your bodies further. Stepping into the shower, you and Jeongyeon shared some more affectionate touches under the running water flowing down to your bodies, the lust and love you have devoted to your lives have became uncontrollable to resist.

During the bath, you and Jeongyeon helped yourselves clean up, rubbing your bodies with some sneaky squeezes at the intimate parts until it became sexual again. 

You cupped and massaged Jeongyeon’s breasts from behind with soapy hands while Jeongyeon knelt on your knees and gave you another round of blowjob before ending the shower and getting dressed back up. You and Jeongyeon then slept together on the bed to end your special day.

That was the last time you saw Jeongyeon at her full and sincere energy. Another week has passed since you suddenly noticed that something was wrong with Jeongyeon after you observed that she often complains about her neck and back aching a lot, even at some minimal movements.

Being a concerned boyfriend, you tried to investigate her workplace through her co-members, and you learned from them that they also noticed Jeongyeon enduring that pain. What’s surprising was that it was already happening since their preparation for More and More, and it just got more serious now that they were preparing for their next comeback.

Later that night, while she was using her phone, you decided to break the silence by confronting her about it. “Jeong. Can I ask you something? ”

“What is it?” She sounded dull.

“Is your neck giving you a hard time?”

Jeongyeon’s fingers stopped from scrolling through her phone as she got surprised at your question regarding her condition.

“H-how can you say so?”

“Jeong, I’m not blind, and I mean it when I often tell you day by day that I care for you.” You answered. “How would you think I wouldn’t noticed about it? I look at you, checking up on you time to time and then I often caught you wincing like you’re in pain. It bothered me and I decided to ask from your members if-”

Your words were cut off when you heard Jeongyeon sob. You rushed beside her and hold her hands. “Jeongyeon, why?”

“I-It hurts, YN…” she said between her sniffs, placing her face on your shoulder. It broke your heart to hear her poor voice clearly in pain.

“Why were you not telling us about it? The girls even said you were holding it in since your preparations for More and More. Was that true?” 

“Y-yes…”

“Good grief, that long?” You were astounded at her revelation. “Why did you keep it as a secret? You could’ve told us about it.”

“Because I don’t want to miss the promotions, okay! ”Jeongyeon’s voice rose, making you flinch. “I don’t want to disappoint the fans, and I didn’t want to stop because I don’t want to put all my efforts and hard work I poured into this all to waste.” Her cries begin to get louder.

You remained silent as you let her express the thoughts disturbing her. “These days, I feel like I haven’t been receiving much recognition for what I’ve been doing just to entertain ONCEs, to the point that I don’t even know if some are just too hard to please or if there’s really something wrong with me. But to include that possibility, then that means I have to do something about it in case it’s like that too.

So I practiced hard and cooperated with the staff and my members to the best I could, because I want to avoid myself getting seen as someone who's just not enough for the group.” You helped Jeongyeon wipe her tears off her eyes. “And now, it frustrates me that my stupid neck won’t want to get along with what I am trying to achieve, but I’m trying not to let it get in my way, even if it’s hurting me really bad every day.”

You sighed and rubbed Jeongyeon’s shoulder to comfort the weeping woman. “Jeong, if that’s what your perception is about what the other fans hold their opinion about you, then they are not real fans as what they claim themselves to be. You can’t force yourself to be the best because you’re already at your best at what you do. And do you know one of the indications why I am saying that? And that is because you have us who love and support you, along with those real fans that you entertain with your charms and talent.

So don’t get brought on with their negative comments or impressions about you, because it doesn’t matter as long as you are not stepping on other person’s reputation. You are doing a great job, Jeongyeon. Please, don’t stress yourself now okay?”

Jeongyeon continued to cry again after hearing your words. You resumed your comfort before voicing out your request.

“We have to get you look by the doctors tomorrow, okay?”

Sadly, it was found out from the results of the x-ray that Jeongyeon is suffering from a herniated disc on the back of her neck. The company then learned about it and advised Jeongyeon to stop attending practices for now, as one of the priorities of JYP Entertainment is their idol’s health.

They were unsure at first if Jeongyeon would make it until the promotions for ICSM, but unfortunately, it was confirmed that Jeongyeon wouldn't be able to participate when they went for a check-up again with the psychologists on Jeongyeon, and this time, it showed that she is much more likely suffering from an anxiety disorder due to the effect of her herniated disc.

Since her hiatus requires her to stay at home for now to began her recovery, you then saw how Jeongyeon was badly dealing about it as she became even more down everyday not being able to join the girls on the promotions. 

As usual, you have to do your role as a boyfriend by promising that you'll be there on her side always to help and console Jeongyeon.

And you were exerting everything to provide what Jeongyeon urgently needs right now. Thankfully, she is easy to instruct because she listens responsibly, like when it comes to taking her medications on time and trying to find some ways to distract herself while resting through some of her favorite hobbies at home: playing Legos with her dogs, cooking, and others.

However, occasionally the one thing she can’t avoid is her guilt and worry about her group being incomplete, and the fans missing her are killing her inside. She still holds herself responsible for the unfortunate circumstances that her group has to overcome because of her situation.

It was evident from you that there’s something that disturbs her inside. Her mood swiftly changes when she feels like the flow of the good mood you have been sharing with her has run out. It became one of your challenges for her that you must keep the ball rolling whenever you’re spending time with Jeongyeon.

Just like what she does for you, she was also following the doctor's advice that she must not tire herself too much from other heavy activities, restricting her more from going outdoors and performing some of her heavy interests like doing workouts, mountain climbing, etc. 

The unavailability of those had made Jeongyeon change plans during the course of her break; thus, she decided to find a solution to relieve her stress through some freak cleaning and frequent eating to satisfy and recharge her energy.

With the combination of medications and the amount of food she daily intakes, you can observe the difference that her anxiety and injury have brought to your girlfriend. Jeongyeon began to gain weight while her mood remained unbothered.

On the first week of January, Jeongyeon's mental health slightly improved thanks to your proposal to celebrate Christmas and New Year with you and her family.

She then made a request and the company tested if she is able to go back now on stage by granting her to participate in promoting with the members, and since they have an upcoming schedule to perform their recent comeback in an award show that will have no crowd in attendance due to pandemic protocols, that opened an opportunity for Jeongyeon to join her members at least once.

Hugely accepting the offer, the members were emotionally happy for Jeongyeon, brought by longing and their support for the recovering woman. 

“Unnie, I missed seeing you around!” Chaeyoung said as she ran through Jeongyeon and hugged her quick.

“You look like you’re getting better, unnie. How are you doing these days?” Dahyun asked her.

“Doing well. Thanks to YN.” Jeongyeon smiled shyly.

“Ahh, you’re so lucky that you have such a caring boyfriend like oppa.” Sana said as she pouted while letting out cute noises. 

Jeongyeon then noticed that Tzuyu was just smiling at watching her co-members reconciling with her. She probably guessed that Tzuyu is embarassed to check up on her personally while being surrounded with her unnies, as she knew her unnies usually teases their savage maknae to be such a cute softie baby instead.

“Tzuyu-yah.” Jeongyeon called her, snapping her senses back as she startled.

“Won’t you say hi to unnie? I’m sad, my Tzutzu doesn’t want to have me-”

Tzuyu’s eyes largened and her expression changed into fear. “Ehh!” She shook her head and dashed at Jeongyeon, not giving a damn anymore to her playful unnies but in her surprise, the girls just clapped and awwed at them. Tzuyu got slightly shy that her thoughts were wrong and the girls were waiting for her instead to make a move.

“Sorry, unnie. I just don’t know what to say, but it’s really great to see you again with us.” Tzuyu said. Jeongyeon understood her immediately. She knows that Tzuyu wasn’t that vocal on advices and sharing sympathy when in comes on consoling someone. She rather speaks louder using her affectionate actions.

“I missed you too, Tzuyu.” And the youngest member delighted at her words.

“We really didn’t expect that you’re gonna do this, Jeong.” Nayeon said, referring to the offer. “We’ve heard that you’re keeping progress on your health and we’re not forcing you to do this, okay?”

“I know, but I had this urge in me that I wanted to give it a try. I don’t know what it is, but I couldn’t stand seeing us incomplete and not the same OT9 that the fans adore much. I don’t want them to experience again what happened when Mina took a break before.” Jeongyeon said and looked at Mina who weakly smiled and nodded understandably at her.

“So don’t mind me with this, what matters is that we can give the fans what they want before we release another album again.” Jeongyeon motivated her members.

“You’re so brave, unnie. Thank you for doing the same thing what I always wanted for ONCEs.” Mina said to Jeongyeon, remembering the time she wanted to make a surprise appearance to see ONCEs in personal while being on a hiatus also during Feel special era.

“I guess it makes us the same too, huh.” Jeongyeon smirked and Mina grinned while nodding.

“Alright, we’ll be there for you, unnie. As a leader, I must do my responsibility to guide my members for safety, and if you have any instances that you feel nervous, just hold my hand during the show okay? I’ll stand by your side like I’ll always do.” Jihyo stared at Jeongyeon who started to blink her eyes rapidly and bend her head away.

“Agh Park Jihyo even you? Why are you guys being like this, I don’t want to cry!” Jeongyeon whined. The girls laughed and they locked their beloved sister in a group hug. Meanwhile, you just returned from claiming your orders at the delivery guy waiting on the outside of the building.

You stopped at the door of the dance practice room and smiled as you watch the wholesome sight of the group, not wanting to interrupt their moment.

The event has occured, and Jeongyeon’s surprise appearance definitely shocked the fandom to the core. Her return became even better when they also won an award too. While she is watching their performance, her curiousity led her to peek at the comments and they were all positive coming from the heartfelt fans.

Although, the ocean of positivity has met its shore when Jeongyeon landed next to the Naver site, she saw some articles about her return that wasn’t actually favorable from some netizens.

They have noticed that Jeongyeon's endurance and stamina decreased compared for before, reasoning it out due to her sudden change of figure, making Jeongyeon hurt and offended by some rude comments about them.

She shut her device right away and revisit what happened to her during the event. She knows also to herself that she’s not 100% but she gave her best because what’s important to her is to entertain the fans again like she loves to do.

She tried to forget it and acted like nothing happened when you returned to the living room to spend the night away resting with her.

She then accepted to return back from hiatus by joining her members promote Alcohol-Free. It only lasted short though when it was spotted that there are claims that she’s hurting herself from the way how she’s exhausting heavily while performing, giving the netizens a mixed reaction again based from her condition.

Her secret didn’t last long also when you caught her viewing the sites related to what happened earlier. You snatched the tablet and turned it off to spare Jeongyeon from what she have seen. 

“This is why I told you to stay away from engaging in social media apps too long, Jeong.” You said to her. “It won’t do no good to yourself.” 

“I didn’t even meant to see them, but I knew already that I’ll be receiving complains like I used to.” Jeongyeon said while she’s laying sideways, away from you.

“Jeong, just don’t get brought up by their useless pathetic comments. They just can’t appreciate people’s hardwork, that’s why.”

“That’s it. You said it yourself. How can they appreciate what I’m doing if maybe… my hardwork wasn’t enough yet.” Jeongyeon said before you noticed that she slept after while you are advicing her not to think like that.

You sighed and joined her to the bed, cuddling her into comfort.

She wasn’t lying when she said those words to you last time. It drove her to grind for improving herself on practicing their Japanese track Perfect World to prove herself, only to cost her getting affected too much by the comments she saw that not only lifted up her motivation to excel but caused her emotional state to be depressed, halting the progress rather.

Her condition got worse, with the doctors and the company putting her back for a short hiatus again, which caused her to miss the dance practices for The Feels. It was like something inside had snapped. Her behavior and mood also changed drastically for you; your kind words of assistance weren't working enough anymore to convince her that she’s going to be okay again.

Through the first two weeks of her hiatus, you can see from Jeongyeon that she’s acting differently whenever you try to interact with her. While yours were gentle and kind, hers was rather the contrast of how you treat her. 

She would just answer you with a blank face, minimal words, and a and a robotic and bland tone that would lose your enthusiasm to talk with her.

Sometimes you would just catch her staring into the unknown, and as much as you wanted to come up to her, you knew she'd silently request that you leave her alone.

This is not the Yoo Jeongyeon you knew and loved. It’s not right anymore, you thought to yourself. You know you have to do something to end this because this ain’t something she is incapable to do, both for her personal well-being and for the people around her who're impacted by it.

This urge has pushed you to confront  Jeongyeon regarding her unusual antics, unintentionally leading both into an altercation. 

Not because of what you said, but from what you have just heard from her when surprisingly, she was the one who initiated to break the silence during your dinner with her.

“By the way, I’m packing my things tomorrow, YN.” Jeongyeon said, taking one of her last scoops on her food.

“Packing your t-things?” You stopped moving your spoon through the plate. “Why, where you going?”

“Back to my parent’s house.” She blandly replied. 

“Oh. We better sleep right after this then. Let me escort you tom-”

“Not needed.” She simply rejected. Your brows started to meet.

“Jeong, you know it’s not safe for you to go outside on your own. You’re still not well, the fans and media can just-”

“It’s not your problem anymore.” Jeongyeon’s hands gripped tightly on the table. Your stare went deeper at your girlfriend.

“Not my concern? Jeong, I’m your boyfriend.” You huffed. “Come on, what exactly is wrong with you? W-why these days… I feel like you’re trying hard to… push me away. Was there a problem? Don’t you need my assistance anymore?” You made a direct approach. It has became impatient and insufferable already for you to hold these thoughts that’s bothering you everyday.

“Or was it still the same?” You sighed heavily and scratched your forehead.

“It’s not.” Jeongyeon muttered. You were barely able to catch what she said.

“Say again?”

To your astonishment, Jeongyeon looked up and gave you the same intense stare, but her aura was different from yours. Gazing into her eyes, you had the impression that you were witnessing her most vulnerable state of being tonight as she attempted to disfigure herself with this act of hostility and coldness.

“I want to break up with you.” 

Your body froze, looking at her in fright, heart and mind rambling and constricting at the same time just absorbing that sentence you thought you will never going to hear from her forever.

“W-what…?” 

“We’re d-done.” She said to you and twitched her head away to avoid staring at you. “You don’t have to look up for me, I’m giving you freedom now to do whatever you want to do.”

She stands up and was about to enter her bedroom when you stood up and hit the table hard. “You can’t be serious, Jeong! Just like that?”

Jeongyeon stopped on her steps, her back facing you. “After everything I’ve done? Jeong, I’m not stupid. This isn’t the best of you, we both damn know you never want to say that.”

“I mean it, YN! Was I not obvious enough why I don’t need you now? What else you want me for you to understand!” She yelled as she turned around to look at you. You just stood there and stared at her bursting out her frustation at you.

For the first time, your eyes dwelled with tears made by the anguish in your chest after receiving those words of despise coming from someone you love the most out of anyone that you never know would express herself that she will end up hating you.

“Jeong…” You called her breathily. She was dumbstrucked seeing you emotional because of what she did. “W-what happened to us?”

She remained silent observing your stability shatter into pieces. “I’m not gonna be fooled by your acts, Jeong. You’re just saying that because you’re tired… but you don’t meant with all your heart because I know right there, I’m the one you will always love to be with.”

You slowly walked across her and Jeongyeon lowered her head to avoid gazing at your broken state closer. “You can’t just leave me with “why?”. How about me, huh? I do get tired, trying to fix you, but did you hear me wanting to break up with you?”

You raised your chin and made her look at you. “No. I didn’t stopped, I NEVER stopped, because I can’t abandon you. I can’t bear seeing you helpless because of the same thing. I love you, Jeongyeon and that… is what I mean a lot.

Don’t let me go, please. That’s all I’m asking for.” You cried as you held her hands and hold it tight. “Just tell me what’s the problem, and I’ll carry it too. We have to solve this together, I can’t let it cost you. You’re the only one I have left.”

Jeongyeon couldn’t control her own tears as she got defeated easily by your pleads of sorrow, demonstrating your unwavering and loyalty of your unbreakable love for her. 

She felt pity immediately thinking about you losing her, and knowing that she has became very important aspect of your life, it’s cruel for her to apply a worse circumstance on other people than her own suffering.

Jeongyeon raised your hands together and gave yours a deep kiss. She laid her head on your chest and sobbed heavily in your arms. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you too.”

You hugged her closer to you and keep yourselves soothed in your warmth creating by this burning affection you share for one another. “It’s fine. I know everything must be so hard for you, but please don’t ever consider removing me or others who are willing to stay by your side and guide you to recovery.”

“It’s not that I don’t want others who care for me, it’s just that… I’m just scared, that I might just hurt and displease you because of how I’ve changed.” Jeongyeon began to explain while you wipe your tears in her face. 

“That made me began to hate myself these days. I feel like I’ve losing my worth into people lives and rather becoming a burden. And I’ve tried to distance myself from you because I thought…  I might just making you suffer too much to take care of me, and i feel like I’m unattractive to be paired with you. You deserve better, so I made a plan to slowly make you quit.”

She said before she broke down again brought by guilt and regret. You continued to ease her emotions off, patting her head and caressing her back.

“Jeongyeon… everything that you said, that’s not happening at all.” You gave a feedback. “You may have confessed that people might probably dislike you  for how you look now compared from the previous that they’ve grown accustomed to recognize you… but I’m not. 

Jeongyeon, you don’t know the level of fear I’ve got when I heard you breaking up with me. Let’s say, one of those is because you think you’re not pretty as before in my eyes anymore that concerned you. But no…”

You traced her visuals with your fingertips, Jeongyeon felt chills as she stared at your eyes encapsulating primal desire as she felt her face being admired by the man she adore.

“How about I do something… to prove I’m not letting go easy, and to make you know how you will always be the epitome of my ideal woman in my eyes.”

You catched the back of her head and pushed her into yours, colliding your lips together. You walked and guided her through the bedroom, shutting the door with your feet before you continued engaging into a wild kiss with Jeongyeon.

You removed your T-shirt and pants, sparing your boxers as the only piece of garment left worn. Jeongyeon sought that as a signal to get rid of her own clothing too, but you hold her hands to prevent her from doing.

“Don’t. All you have to do is watch and submit. Because tonight… is all about you, my love.” You kissed her again before rotating the blushing Jeongyeon, facing her through your full body mirror.

“Look at you, such a masterpiece.” You whispered in her ear as Jeongyeon watched you stroking her hair from behind. Your hands went lower, sliding it across the sides of her figure. “Shall I start doing a breakdown of what I observe that makes you understand… how special you are?”

Jeongyeon just nodded, very flushed at your sudden change of demeanor. You may have caught her response, but that wasn’t enough for her. “Cmon, baby. Don’t be shy, use that pretty voice of yours. Make me hear it.” 

You whispered to her ear while you wrapped her waists and pushed her closer to you. Jeongyeon whimpered as she felt her ass bump into your boner. “Yes p-please… let me know.”

“Good. Let’s start with your face, babe.” You squished her plump cheeks and gave it both kisses, making Jeongyeon’s blush intensely. “Back from the time I’ve saw you in my clinic, the first thing my mind commented was how exceptionally beautiful you are, Jeongyeon.”

“Sure, there may be other women around there who are also beautiful but… yours is just… unique. And I don’t lie when you’re the one I still wanted even after all this time, because my heart only prefers the beauty you possess.” 

Jeongyeon smiled at your endearing compliment. You kissed her on the temple before moving on. Your sight was on her neck, massaging and sniffing on her scent. “These smooth, milky neck and shoulders that you always expose from me. That’s why I love laying my head or burying my face onto your skin, makes it better whenever I miss having your touch on me.”

You peeked to see Jeongyeon shutting her eyes and savoring your touch. “Don’t close your eyes too long, baby. I want you to see everything.” She complied, and then she realized that you’re starting to lift her shirt up, holding the hem.

You smirked as you teasingly slowed down your hands beginning to cover her cups before you planted them suddenly, yelping Jeongyeon. You kneaded her boobs gently through the bra. “So soft. Whenever I catch you changing up and get to see you in your favorite set of lingeries, not gonna lie, it makes you so hot, Jeongyeon… especially today.”

“These nice tits, so flawless and pearly, contrasting to the color of your enticing black bra.” Jeongyeon heard you groan while groping her boobs, turning her on.

“But ofcourse, nothing gets better when I see them uncovered, for my eyes only. .” You sensed the clip on her front and unclicked it, exposing her packed set of breasts laying neatly on top of her ribcage. “Goddamn, they’re so perfect.”

You resumed to knead them again, making sure that you give them equal attention. Jeongyeon starts to gasp and whine as your fingers twists and pull her nipples. “You say your body gets ugly, but it just became better for me Jeong. Look at your tits, they’ve became bigger… perkier… and heavier.” You said while playing at them, jiggling them in your palm.

“Makes me wonder, if I put a baby on you today and make your pregnant, wouldn’t these get even more bigger. And God… getting these huge jugs filled with milk, I’m afraid our baby won’t be getting everything of it, because daddy have to share instead, I may even couldn’t control and won’t spare a drop.” You whispered seductively as your hands circling her tits intensified, now matching it with your crotch humping the outline of her ass.

“Please… fuck YN I’m about to lose it, hurry…” Jeongyeon said as she felt her panties getting soaked now by her juices.

You understood what she meant, your hand went to her bottom. “Oh goodness, you’re really soaked down there. Couldn’t wait to fuck you, huh?”

“Y-yes…”

“But hold it a bit longer, we’re not through yet, baby.” You chuckled devilishly. Jeongyeon whined as you left her crotch and slowly kneeled beside her, your hands went attention now to her tummy that gained some fat due to the effects of her medication.

“You call this ugly but I take it to be cute, instead. I can’t wait to lay my head on these fluffy tummy of yours whenever I’m bored, baby.” You said as you pinched her belly and wiggled it. “Those bodyshamers who will dare to berate you will definitely feel my wrath, Jeong. Nobody can insult you.”

Your fingertips then reached the waistband of her jogging pants. “Ah yes, we’re getting closer to the main event.”  Jeongyeon continues to watch you work on her lower part, pulling down her pants. She stepped out from it and there she is, all left with nothing but her matching white panties.

“There’s another thing why I love your body even more, Jeong… is through these.” You ran your hands, inspecting her long legs and giving her thighs some squeeze, eliciting an ‘ahh’ from Jeongyeon. “You have gotten way even thicker this time, Jeongyeon. I think I’ll get addicted burying my face and willingly die onto these meaty, juicy thighs compressing my head.”

“T-that’s harsh. I-I still want to keep you.”

“Course you do, nobody can appreciate you better than I do.” Jeongyeon looked at you and blushed.

She watched you again at the mirror, caressing the length of her legs before you playfully bumped your finger at her core, letting out a lewd sound from her. “Y-YN!”

“And lastly, this.” You repeated it again, making Jeongyeon close her legs for a while before you removed her panties, and Jeongyeon is now fully naked in front of the mirror. 

You kneeled again, rubbing your face on her ass and burying it between her crack, sniffing on it. “Y-YN… it’s d-dirty down there!”

“I don’t care, but you still smell so intoxicating, Jeong.” You gave a kiss on each of her cheeks before spanking her. 

“Ahh!”

“Do you love me smacking these fruity butt you got, Jeongyeon?”

“Y-yes…”

You slapped it again. “God you’re so perfect. Sculptured and blessed by the gods with a perfect combination of huge tits and firm ass. Thank heavens for making me the luckiest guy in the world, thinking that I can have this all by myself.” You whistled. “And you think I would have the guts to find another woman when I already have mine as the best.”

Jeongyeon’s heart is blooming at your continous praises for her body and beauty, effectively boosting her confidence.

“Spread those legs, baby. Let me see that dripping cunt of yours.” She followed you, and there she showed her pussy tainted with her pre-cum.

You traced it and catched some of her fluid, sending chills again on her body as she felt her folds scratched by your fingertips. Your way of licking her juices off your hand just makes Jeongyeon’s arousal even higher.

You cupped her pussy and inserted two of your fingers inside her, pushing and pulling it to trigger her walls. She started to hold on to you to maintain balance. “Ahhh mhhmm…”

“Say, Jeongyeon. You’re just begging to be fucked now, aren’t you?”

“Y-yes…”

“Louder, say it clear.”

“PLEASE FUCK ME YN, I can’t take it anymore…” 

You speed up the face of fingering her cunt. “More. Give me more.”

Jeongyeon bit her lips and gasped at the feeling of her pussy being invaded by your slender fingers. “Ah I-I’m coming…”

“You do? Release it first. Don’t be shy squirting in front of your loving boyfriend.”

With few more rams, Jeongyeon sprayed her juices on the floor and onto your hand and feet. You felt Jeongyeon heaving deeply, but you didn’t let her rest as she suddenly felt your cock grazing her wet pussy, realizing you have stepped out of your boxers already, making both of you now naked on the mirror.

“Do you want me to fill you up so bad and make you a mommy, Jeongyeon?” 

“P-please, I don’t care. Just give em all to me.”

You catched her face and lean it closer to you, breaking character. “Control your hormones, babe. You can’t get pregnant yet, still have career to maintain right?” Jeongyeon got embarassed, realizing how horny you have turned her already. You chuckled. “But, I get you. Promise, I’ll give it to you in the future, I’ll give you as much cum as you want in any of your holes but first, I just know where to put it for now.”

You licked her jawline and nibbled at her earlobe before raising one of her leg and point your tip at her. Jeongyeon’s eyes widened before it transformed into arousal and delight that she’s about to get fucked by your enormous cock. “You’re gonna be loved tonight, Jeongyeon. All you have to do is watch me.”

You sink her into your length and Jeongyeon lets out her first moan as you begin to plunge into her slow in a one-legged standing position. 

She wrapped her arms around your head and kissed you. Your other hands went on playing her tits as you continued fucking her.

Your pace increased, now creating smacking sounds resonating around the room. Jeongyeon watched herself getting bounced feverishly in your arms. Few deep pumps and she was shocked that you released and drop her to the floor, releasing your cum into her face and her upper chest.

Jeongyeon understood what you have meant, you did have found some alternative technique to atleast not let your cum turned to waste. She scooped some of it and have a taste before you leaned forward and presented your still stiff cock on her.

Jeongyeon didn’t hesitated to put your cock inside her warm mouth, giving your shaft some cleansing with her saliva. She gave you a usual impressive blowjob, she looked at the mirror to see your satisfied expression while patting her head like a good girl, motivating her to perform better.

Jeongyeon lifts your cock and went next to your hanging full balls. She sucked gently on each testicles, nibbling on your foreskin and rolling her tongue at its roundness. 

Jeongyeon didn’t hesitate to put your cock inside her warm mouth, giving your shaft some cleansing with her saliva. She gave you your usual impressive blowjob, and she looked in the mirror to see your satisfied expression while patting her head like a good girl, motivating her to perform better.

Jeongyeon lifted your cock and went next to your hanging full balls. She sucked gently on each testicle, nibbling on your foreskin and rolling her tongue at its roundness. 

Entering her asshole, you fucked her slow which made Jeongyeon moan and grit her teeth at how big you are inside of her. You also joined her moans and curses because of her tight she is, but the perfect grip that she has around your girth is what effectively makes her ass stroking your cock even more pleasurable.

You started to fuck her faster, her ass id now being pounded against your crotch. Maintaining your hold on her waist, you took a short time to let go one of your hand to give some few smacks on her asscheeks again.

“Do you like me fucking your precious peachy ass, baby?”

“Yes, fuck! You’re about to tear me apart with your big cock, YN!”

“You can take it, right? You must be going crazy right now feeling my cock fill up your tight ass.” You said as you continued to hammer her. 

“Ugh yes, you can do whatever you want YN. Your cock is the only one I need fucking me.”

“I bet you do, because look at how compatible our bodies together. You’re so perfect around my cock, and I’ll be using it to please you whenever you want!” “Oh yes! Harder baby, pound me!”

You fucked her faster at full speed, testing your energy and Jeongyeon’s until you reached your climax, firing more seeds inside of her ass. As you released, Jeongyeon watched you smack your creamy dick in her cheeks before she felt that ticklish burst of your cum overflowing her hole.

Reaching for some tissue, you wipe off some of your cum before you pick up Jeongyeon and make her sit on your lap. To make sure she can still get a full view of the sexual interaction that both of you are engaging in, you positioned her as a reverse-seated cowgirl. Lifting her up, you slammed her, then back down on your cock, fucking her again into a nice slow introductory pace.

Jeongyeon just lustfully and gratefully watched you perform your intimacy stored solely for her, kissing her neck, playing with her huge breasts while caressing her tummy.

She was indeed feeling loved and honoured tocherish such an awesome man like you who is returning the same exact amount of how she wants to experience what love is supposed to be.

Her smile went wider and bigger as she has continued to cooperate and join with the flow of your intercourse with her. She is simply enjoying having her time alone with you tonight, appreciating your way of servicing her to overcome and forget her personal problems even for a moment.

On your observation, you sensed Jeongyeon beginning to add some movements of her own as you continue to penetrate her underneath. She was now grinding and rolling her hips to stimulate her walls and stroke your cock in other angles.

Her moans have gotten constant and repeated, lifting your hormones to encourage pleasuring her as much as you can provide for this wonderful woman sharing a bed with you tonight.

“You seemed like you’re liking this now, Jeong. I can feel you moving now on your own.”

“Yeah… fuck mhhmm you’re right. You never fail to get me hooked on with your big cock impaling me, baby. I can feel every inch of you filling me up so good. Don’t stop… ugh hngh~”

“Oh don’t worry, I still got a lot left in me, baby.”

You leaned back and laid on the bed, letting Jeongyeon now ride you on her own. Enjoying the view of Jeongyeon bouncing erratically on your lap, all you had to do is to gasp in amazement at how your girlfriend becomes even more skilled at sex when gets hornier.

“Fuck you’re so big, YN. I would love to have you invade me everyday.” Jeongyeon continues to praise how great your cock makes her feel. She twerked and rolled her hips more, eager to receive your load for her.

“Jeongyeon, I’m about to cum!”

She gets off from your lap and formed like a ball between your legs, she pumped your cock a few times before your seed aimed at her mouth and tongue, taking a taste of your addicting creamy load once again.

As she let go of your cock, she laid beside you to take a minute of rest. You still have enough stamina left. You repositioned Jeongyeon so that she could still be visible in the mirror. You turned her aside and slid underneath her body. 

Now in a 69 position, you have an excellent view of her streaming wet pussy and her freshly fucked asshole gaping with your newly unloaded batch.

You gave each peck on the flesh of her vagina’s exterior before flicking and poking her clitoral area to stimulate her on the edge. The more you kept on teasing her, Jeongyeon was matching your game with her hums around your cock and repeated hollow sucks on your mushroom head. 

Kneading her thighs and spanking her plump ass one more time, you lifted Jeongyeon a bit to signal her that you'd be moving again. She lay prone on her side, and you went behind her to insert your cock back in her pussy this time.

Fucking her again in a spooning form, Jeongyeon combs your head as she whimpers and refreshingly sighed at your mouth sucking her tits while you press her legs and fuck her pussy from behind. Your other hand was directing her boobs on your face to add more stimulation on her intimate part.

You paused to fuck her pussy when you come up of an idea that interests you. Jeongyeon suddenly felt the warmth of your shaft between her thighs, and just as she discovered, you have now ejaculating yourself between them.

You grabbed her hand and placed it in front of your tip. Moving your hips as your stomach begins to curl up for a familiar climax, you released your sperm with most of it landing onto her palm.

Jeongyeon made a show by staring at you as she licked your sperm through her hand, turning you on at her sexy and sensual gesture. Her mischievous smirk inspired you to get up from your knees and straddle her torso.

Squeezing and fondling her huge tits for a short foreplay, you grabbed your cock and sandwiched it to her succulent bosoms. Performing a titfuck while she’s under you, Jeongyeon tries to catch your head with her tongue to please you further. Thankfully, with your massive length and width, she was able to grab a taste of your irresistible meat.

Now giving a rough pounding on her abused tits, you didn’t give a damn anymore if you’re getting aggressive. You ain’t stupid to catch her needy look looking up at you, challenging you to give everything you have because she’ll fall for it more.

Couple more strokes and you mounted her face by pushing your cock deep in her, depositing your load that flooded her inside.

Jeongyeon swallowed again, ensuring that none would be left wasted as a way of replacement for not being able to have her pussy filled yet with your baby batter that would make her womb fertilized.

As you let Jeongyeon rest again for a while, you went your attention on her hypnotizing tits, sucking and gnawing at them like there’s no tomorrow. Having a glimpse of hee now watching you do your own thing, you sensed that she must be now back on track.

“Can you still keep up, baby? We can stop now if everything’s enough for you.” You said as you gently knead her breast.

“How about you?”

“Well I can still do more. You’re just so attractive tonight, Jeongyeon. How would I say this? Hmmm… oh yeah, I can’t stop me.” You winked at her before Jeongyeon wheezed and laughed.

“Witty.” She rolled her eyes at you and chuckled.

“That makes us even.” 

“You’re so good tonight, you know. You make me wanna say more and more, because I’ve been craving to have this again with you.” She said as she patted your face.

“Wait, is that another reference again?” You squinted your eyes at the guilty and sheepish Jeongyeon acting like she didn’t got caught. You pinched her nose. “Ahhh!”

“You dork.”

“It hurts!” She pouted and touched her nose. “Just continue eating my tits, you pervert.”

You wheezed and shook your head as you played again with her breasts until you remembered something. “But seriously, I’m happy that I can make you laugh again.” Your eyes went tender for Jeongyeon as she just watched you become serious.

“This is what I just want to see from you. Being here as my girlfriend while I’m convinced that you’re doing fine. Your smile is one of the things that calms me down and keeps me going through the reality of life. You can’t blame me why its such a big deal for me to lose it, how more if I… lose you completely.” Your tears escaped again from your eyes and Jeongyeon wipes it off.

“I’m really sorry, YN. I became selfish not thinking that you’re struggling as me too. And to involve others with my worries and fears only to get their feelings hurt… especially you. I don’t think I should have a nerve to pity myself for what I’ve done.” Jeongyeon apologized.

You reached for her hand and lock it in your grasp. Laying beside her, you cuddled her and laid her head on your chest where your heart only beats for her. “I don’t care how many times I would be going to make this known for you, I still and will love you in just the way you are, Yoo Jeongyeon.

Your body figure doesn’t matter to me too much because the reason why I  love you is because of how kind-hearted you are and I feel like I own you too much since the beginning.” You said to her.

Jeongyeon remembered that she was there for him in ups and down, to provide him that would require saving like for example: his pet clinic before. And now she also realises that you were doing the same for her. You also became the special person who will do anything to stay by her same most of the time, bringing her back to when they first met.

You didn't treated her as Jeongyeon from TWICE but simply as by herself, as a normal human and Korean citizen named Yoo Jeongyeon, like she always wanted to receive from anybody whether they may be part of the fandom or not.

“How fitted a woman’s body wasn’t my qualification to make you my girlfriend. Even if I marry you in the future, it’s not because I’m in love only because of the way you look, but because you fulfilled my dream and I devoted myself to give your soul and existence a meaning to my world.”

Jeongyeon kissed you directly through the lips and hugged you tightly. “I love you so much, YN.” That’s what all it took to show her utmost respect and value for your role.

As you and her go on for another heated kiss, you felt your cock being woken back up by her thighs poking your shaft. 

Bumping into her folds, you spreaded it wide again as you inserted it back inside of her, fucking her passionately before you and her both go on into another multiple number of positions, basically them having sex around the house, shooting a gallon more of cum in her mouth and ass until you and her are too spent. You and her then slept together at dawn, with your dry flaccid cock still tucked into her snatch.

Because of that moment you shared with her, Jeongyeon slowly starts to recover from her anxiety, trying to be confident and love herself for her new figure and become not much bothered by the hate comments. 

She then goes to hang out more often with her family, members and her boyfriend. It made her successfully return and fully participate for the upcoming comebacks like Talk That Talk, Set Me Free and One Spark while also attending endorsements and doing modeling again to spread body positivity and break Korean beauty standards.

And in April 2024, the media, the K-Pop community, and especially the fanbase of ONCEs across the world were surprised to learn about the announcement that Yoo Jeongyeon made. 

You and her officially tied the knot at a chapel in Ulsan, and many acquaintances, friends, and relatives from each other attended to witness the grand wedding. The couple were very honored and grateful for their attendance. The event became the headline of numerous news stories and articles.

Both excused themselves and rented a hotel room to celebrate their marriage in private during the honeymoon trip. There, they fucked each other's brains for hours, granting your sworn words that you’ll be making her a mommy in the future by finally pouring everything you have in store through her fertile womb, which ultimately led to Jeongyeon giving birth and welcoming your first child into the family.

Now that Jeongyeon has accomplished all the dreams that she has shared with you to come true, the idol is proud and fully assured that their love is truly unconditional and that she claims you as the perfect man for her who will always accept, believe, and stand by her no matter what happens that might attempt to bring her down.

THE END

[certifiedcodbabygirl]

To Whisper Your name pt.2

Masterlist

Perhaps he’s a lonely man. Maybe the years of being nothing but a soldier had gotten to him. Before his family sold him off to the Romans, he’d dreamt of a life of peace. A family to hold him close, to appreciate him as a person and not a workforce. When he was “relieved from their custody”, as his handler told him, those dreams cracked. He knew what the Romans were like. Barbaric, ruthless, unrelenting. Any chance of him remaining as he was before them was slim to none. 

His village hadn’t been one to praise Gods, the concept foreign to him. When he was introduced to the concept of the Roman gods, he felt conflicted. These powerful beings were known to help the mortals. They brought great harvest, fertility to trying couples, success to a hunt. If you were Roman. That’s why they are Roman gods. A foreigner like him, an illegitimate Roman, was sure to be ignored. He prayed nightly to let him go, to allow his dream to occur. 

Gods, please. I have no one. Please give me someone.

He spent the remaining years of his childhood in an army preparation program. His life was owed to the Roman empire and was expected to pay such. They trained him to be like them. A beast among men. The last 3 years of his childhood, he shot up. Physically and in skill. He went from the average height of a woman to taller than any of the soldiers had ever seen. Northern genes, they’d say.

Once he had gotten to Rome, he soon realized that in order to make his way through life, he’d need to learn their game. When in Rome, literally. Being kind got him nowhere. Being soft was not a luxury he could afford. He became a hardened version of himself. Him from before was still in there, somewhere. In order to make it, he had to adapt. And adapt he did.

They all feared him. A quick learner, able to practically know where each of the enemy’s hits would land, blood thirsty. He never truly enjoyed the violence, learned behavior I suppose. The dream still lingered. There would be nights where he’d sit beneath the moon and tell her of his thoughts. A wish of a wife and children running around. He’d run and take them to the North, never letting their fingers touch the blood soaked empire of Rome. She never responded, but imagining someone heard was what kept him going.

The woman in the square itched at his mind in a way he couldn’t explain. She looked unhuman. Too sweet to be of the people, too much of a glow surrounding her to be real. He knew there was something calling them together. Her face filled his head as a room does water during a flood. They spoke for maybe 2 minutes, why was she soaking his mind like the warm water of a bath? He needed to see her as one needs to breathe.

His night was filled with thought. She called to him, sirens put to shame. His mind, a forest to a fire, burning all possibility of sleep. He often went without, but this time it seemed as if it didn’t even affect him. Thoughts of her were too enticing for sleep.

Attending his day duties faster than before, he went to the square at midday in search of her. Any hint of her presence was gone and the tick in his chest increased with every step. Surely she wasn’t stupid enough to not come, was she? No, no she wasn’t. Her light blue palla hung from her like the stars in the sky. She sat among flowers in the village square’s garden, gently caressing the petals. Purples, pinks, and yellow’s all bring out the color of her dress as if they breathe life into it. His breath stopped for a moment once he caught sight of her. Had she looked as if she hung the sun before now? She had to. 

To him, she was the color around them. Who was she? Romans don’t believe in love at first sight. It was a child’s concept. Well he isn’t Roman and he’s certainly no child. He straightens before approaching quietly, as to not disturb her peaceful look. The women among them looked to her in pity. A beautiful young woman being watched intently by the scariest soldier they’d ever seen was for concern. They could only see his eyes. If they had seen in his mind they’d be writing songs of color and wonder. 

He clears his throat, gaining her attention. Her eyes shoot up to him, taking a deep breath in. There he was. He was so much bigger from this angle. His hands are clasped in front of him and he bows his head, attempting to make himself appear kinder. Oh how he thought of those eyes. Have you thought of him?

Perhaps you were his moon.

[zerofuckingwaste]

Easy zero waste tip no. 6: Find out what caffeinated beverage you actually want/need, then learn how to make it; aka "The Starbucks Lie"

Tl;Dr: You may be misinformed about how coffee actually works, leading you to purchase beverages that you may not actually like, that may not serve the purpose you want them to serve, and you can save money (and the environment!) by learning to make something you'll actually like at home.

Last week, I went to Starbucks to get a pumpkin chai latte, because I'm not perfect and needed to fulfill a craving on a bad day- but at least I used a reusable cup. Anyhow, while I was there, I witnessed the following conversation, not for the first time, nor the last, which I'm sure is commonplace:

Barista: What can I get you?

Customer: Do you have a dark roast? I like my coffee dark.

B: We just have a medium roast ready, but I can do a dark roast pourover.

C: Nah, that's not going to be enough caffeine for me, and I need drip coffee, not anything fancy. I'll have an Americano, then- espresso beans should be high enough in caffeine!

Now, if this seems like a reasonable exchange, that's ok- you're likely not a trained barista, and even if you are, there's a chance your training was at least a little bit wrong. Let's walk through it point by point, to explain why this exchange made me want to tear my hair out of my head.

"I like my coffee dark!" Most likely, this is false- studies have shown that people are most likely to say they want dark coffee, when they actually most enjoy a lighter or medium roast. Darker roasts are bitter, partially due to having more tannins- which is why they can cause more side effects, like headaches and digestive issues.

"Not enough caffeine" In fact, the longer (darker) you roast coffee, the more caffeine it loses. If you want a highly caffeinated beverage, you should opt for the lightest roast available.

"I need drip coffee, not anything fancy (pourover)" Pourover is essentially a method of making drip coffee one cup at a time. No machine or anything, it's the least fancy coffee option possible.

"Espresso beans should have high enough caffeine" The beans used for espresso are the same as the beans used for the drip coffee- they're just ground more finely before going through the machine.

"An Americano [...] should have enough caffeine" An Americano is a double shot with hot water, about 160 mg of caffeine if you're getting a 'grande'. A drip coffee that same size is over 300 mg.

This man claimed to love coffee, but didn't understand anything about it, leading him to pay $4.39 for 160 mg of caffeine instead of $3.28 for almost double that- keeping in mind that number could easily have been doubled again had he opted for the lighter roast. So, let's fix that.

1. Light or Dark Roast?

Have you ever wondered why Starbucks has a medium roast, the Pike Place, as their go to roast all the time? It's because it's the most middle of the road, bland option, completely inoffensive- not very good, but also, not too bad. It's a blend from a bunch of places, so there's no overwhelming flavor besides coffee with a slight hint of being burned. That burn taste everyone complains about, btw, is a result of the roast being too dark for them, hello tannins!

A lot of things happen to coffee as you roast it. Let's go through each point one by one:

The color changes. The darker the roast, the darker the roast- literally. This is best gauged with ground coffee, where you can see the average of the whole bean, not just the outer shell.

The mass decreases due to a loss of moisture. However, the bean actually expands in volume due to the strength of the cell walls. In essence, the density decreases.

Oils seep out from inside of the beans, coating them, and protecting volatile chemical compounds that give them flavor.

The caffeine content is lessened the longer you roast.

With high heat, the Maillard reaction occurs. While this reaction is responsible for the lovely color and the viscous, dark flavor notes, it's also responsible for breaking down the citric and tartaric acid, which causes the sweet and fruity flavors to dissipate. It also breaks down chlorogenic acid, creating caffeic acid and quinic acid, aka bitter, bitter tastes.

High heat also causes caramelization of sugars- but at a certain point, those sugars start to burn away.

Taking all this into consideration, we can begin to figure out what kinds of coffee you'll actually like. One quick note: always get single origin coffees. Each region has its own flavors, and if you're only getting coffee from one spot in your cup, then those notes will be amplified for your enjoyment.

A dark roast will have less caffeine, a stronger coffee bitterness, and very simple, up front flavors: chocolate, nuts, smoke, wood, etc. (My favorite tastes like dark chocolate with a hint of hickory)

A light roast will have more caffeine, a lesser amount of bitterness, and very complex, more nuanced flavors: citrus, caramels, fruits, florals, etc. (My favorite tastes like blueberries and white chocolate, with notes of almonds)

No two coffees are alike. My recommendation is that you purchase a bag of whole beans from your favorite local cafe or roaster based on your caffeine needs, and try out different beans until you find one- or two, or five, or a dozen- that you really love.

One quick note- a much, much greater flavor difference can be found in aerobic v. anaerobic roasted beans. I recommend reading into this process on your own, it's fascinating- both of my favorite coffees are anaerobic roasts, as it happens.

2. How should I make my coffee?

I'm a big fan of the affogato. I'm a dessert for breakfast kind of gal, so it makes sense; a hefty double shot over a scoop of ice cream. Absolutely divine; I pretty much only do espresso for myself, although my partner greatly prefers French press.

The overall rule for caffeine in your coffee is that the finer the grind, the more caffeine you're going to get out of the bean. That being said, that doesn't mean the final product will actually have more caffeine than another method, as different ways of making coffee require different amounts of coffee grounds. Keep the ratio of grounds to water in mind for this reason. However, you must remember that the perceived strength of the beverage- the concentration of flavors- is not necessarily correlated to the amount of caffeine. I'll now go over a few methods of making coffee which can be 100% zero waste (assuming you compost those coffee grounds!).

Cold Brew- You either let grounds freely float in water, or let them steep inside of a little filter bag. Let it rest overnight, up to 48 hours. If you like your coffee cold, and not a lot of effort, this might be your best bet.

Pourover- You put grounds into a little filter over either your cup or a pitcher. Pour water over the filter and let it drip down. If you like having a calming morning ritual, this might be for you. Essentially the same as drip coffee, except you don't have to care about a machine.

French press- You put grounds in the bottom of the press, then fill with hot water, and let it steep for a few minutes, then press the grounds down. If you don't mind a little work every morning, waiting a few minutes (when you could prep your breakfast, perhaps) then give this a go.

Moka pot- You pour water into the base, then put grounds into the basket, then screw on the top. Place on the stovetop, and remove as soon as the coffee begins to come out of the spout within. If you like a strong cup but don't want to invest in espresso, this is a great option. The pressure is too low for it to be true espresso, but it's very good.

Manual espresso- This is a bit more complex. It will be the same as automatic espresso, except there's no chance of the machine failing for any electronic reason. You fill a little basket with grounds, then tamp them down. Water is brought to temperature, then pressed through the espresso at a relatively high psi. If you want espresso, this is the way. You can get an entry level (Flair makes several that are fantastic) or you can get something high end with a built in boiler (I have a La Pavoni with an attached steam wand, great purchase).

Automatic espresso- Essentially the same as manual, but the machine does the pressing for you. If you love espresso but don't want to do a lot of work for it, this is a great investment! If you can buy used, do- just make sure the brand is one that offers replacement parts.

There are plenty of other options, but these are a good place to get started, when figuring out what works for you.

3. Why do I want my coffee?

Are you looking for a caffeine boost to get through a rough workday? Do you want something sweet to accompany your breakfast? Are you just bored?

Figure out why you want your coffee, then tailor your morning experience to your needs. If you need a caffeine boost for a rough workday, maybe don't do anything time consuming- prepare a middle of the road medium roast cold brew for the week on Sunday, and go ahead and grab a glass in your hurry out the door each morning. If you want something sweet with breakfast, get a light roast and a French press, and make it part of the routine for the meal. If you're bored, do pourover with a dark roast into a funky mug, or learn to steam milk to make latte art.

Really, coffee is something lovely, that you should enjoy, without mindlessly spending money on something that's not even good. As a bonus, you can support local businesses (coffee roasters and cafes), develop a new skill, and better the environment.

[that-one-creepy-hoe]

Could we maybe get some headcanons on what a night with Tim/Masky, Brian/hoodie, or Eyeless Jack would look like? What they’re like before heading off to sleep, what they do as part of their routines, how they get comfortable, etc? 🫶

I love this ask because it lets me be delulu in my love for my three favorite men <3

Warnings: Mostly just fluff/ Mentions of sex in hoodie and EJ's part but no actual sex occurs

Brian/ Hoodie

I think that Brian/ Hoodie gets the most sleep out of these three men. While he does have nightmares about his past that plague him during his sleep he has no trouble falling right back into sleep

I also headcanon this man as an extremely heavy sleeper, like the kind where he Has to sleep with his phone right next to his head so that way he can actually hear when he’s being summoned. 

Probably gets about 7-8 hours of sleep on a GREAT day and about 5 to 6 on average. He is also a morning person but isn’t happy about it.

Like he has no issue being awake early for work, but makes it everyone’s problem that he’s awake until he gets truly awake (which doesn’t happen til 9 am)

I also feel like he cannot stay awake at night for the life of him. Like the only way you could get this man to stay up late for anything is sex tbh

I also feel like Hoodie cannot sleep in for the life of him while Brian will have zero issues sleeping in til 9 or 10 am

This man does not know what a morning shower is. What do you mean ‘Just go to sleep after I get home?’ That’s disgusting! He HAS to shower before he sleeps or he feels dirty. While he wouldn’t judge you for it most times he definitely will (not so subtly) subtly ask if you wanna shower with him. He also probably has a mini skincare routine to wash his face bc it makes him feel Bonita 

I also headcanon that he has a little autism in him (same) and HAS to do these things before he feels comfy enough to sleep. If he doesn’t then he gets a shit amount of sleep and feels like shit the next day.

This man can only sleep if he’s facing you, especially if he is cuddled up next to you. He feels restless if he doesn’t have you or something to curl up into. Probably sleepily mumbles to you about random things before he passes out mid-sentence.  

Has one of those deep-in-his-chest snores that you can only hear against his chest 

Tim/ Masky

Tim definitely gets shit for brain sleep. Like he has to take some STRONG-ass sleeping pills to keep himself asleep for more than 3 hours. Speaking of which, he probably doesn't get more than 5 hours of sleep on a good day because of this. His nightmares accompanied by the looming thoughts of work make it hard for him to truly relax.

He’s NOT a morning person and is a night owl by nature. Mostly because of all of the paperwork that he has to do before his day is truly over. 

This man probably takes naps right after work before he starts all his paperwork so he can get all of his things done. Speaking of this, don’t ever interrupt his nap. He uses this time to decompress from the stress of being Slender’s bitch. Like even Tim is a pissy fuck when he cannot sleep after work.

The most you can get him to do right before bed is to shower if he is particularly gross but most times he just takes all of his dirty clothes off of him and leaves his boxers on and that’s it. 

He is basically the opposite of Brian/ Hoodie when he is about to fall asleep. He cannot sleep facing people, it makes him feel too vulnerable but typically ends up waking up with you cuddled up to him. The closest you could get to him facing you is if he falls asleep on the couch next to you. In which case he just leans on you or lays his head in your lap. 

Once he starts to get sleepy he just straight up stops talking. Like he only answers in grunts and he refuses to speak actual sentences. 

Jack

I am in love with him and we’re married so I have a LOT to say abt this fine man

ANYWAYS

He also has a routine but he is less skincare and more like, I HAVE to check every door three times, take a shower, make sure every pillow is in order TWICE, and brush my teeth. Like he HAS to make sure everything is checked upon before he sleeps or else he either A) feels like he’s not safe or B) is too irritated to fall asleep

I feel like he will refuse to sleep unless your sleep with him. He will just straight up go days without sleeping until his body forces him to.

Like I feel like in general he doesn’t need much sleep at night to function at 100% he really only needs about 4-5 hours AT MOST before he’s ready for the day

Makes sure you are as comfortable as him before he sleeps

He’ll ask you what you need to do before you sleep and will either do it with you or do it himself so that he can spend as much time with you in bed

He probably just spends 5 hours a night sleeping and the rest of the night curiously watching you sleep just because it brings him comfort (And horny sometimes). Watching you be so vulnerable with him that you’d fall asleep by his side brings him comfort (and sometimes a hard-on) 

He sleeps pretty easily and doesn’t really have dreams but when he does they’re nightmares from his past that keep him awake for the rest of the night

Sometimes if they’re really bad he’ll cry in his sleep and kick like he’s running in his dream. This will probably have you awake before he jumps awake from his dream in a cold sweat.

All it takes is to cuddle up by his side and comfort him as you lazily rub his chest before he can be soothingly be coaxed back into sleep

He is like a puppy where he makes grunts or growls and moves a lot from his dreams

Don’t mention it or he will be too embarrassed to sleep in the same bed as you again

I feel like he would have an old dog snore if he’s really exhausted or like a throaty snore regularly 

[incomingalbatross]

So much of Kidnapped is about the culture clash. Davie (audience surrogate) is a teenage boy from a culture that both Stevenson's audience and we recognize as relatively familiar in, you know, the expectations you'd have of a teenage boy, or an average citizen. Alan is the most Jacobite Highlander to ever Highland about things. They're both from the same time, and (technically) from the same country—and yet! So much culture clash in these couple chapters.

Davie looks at this man in a fancy coat with a bunch of gold and is like "rich upper-class kind of guy. snob potential? will like me better if I play up my own upper-class background I just found existed, and consider me an equal?" And where a man from Davie's own society would likely laugh and go "okay sure, ship's boy, I'm sure you're landed gentry," Alan's reaction is not doubt that the child of a landed estate would be alone and in poverty on a merchant ship (...I think they're merchants), but immediate insecurity/defensiveness because he—despite his king's name and his gallantry and everything Davie sees as status markers—does not have any right to a landed estate and thus just the birthright puts Davie on a higher rank than him. Which did not occur to Davie, and is not an insecurity that would make sense to him anyway because, practically speaking, how is an estate he doesn't have a threat to anyone? Davie made the brag, but he himself didn't think it was worth as much as Alan did.

And then Alan admires his honesty in admitting that he can't shoot, because (as I understood it) that would be a deeply embarrassing admission for someone of his or Davie's class in the Highlands. Something that did not occur to Davie when he said it, because he's a kid and a schoolmaster's son, why would he be expected to know how to shoot?? But he gets credit for admitting it anyway because, by Alan's standards, that would take courage.

And then the post-battle bit. It's the best. Alan just moves straight into "I just did a really cool thing and I WON, oh man, that was so cool it deserves a song." He is from a Warrior Culture. Davie is having a breakdown in the corner because he just shot and killed multiple people. That's not something he ever expected to have to do (even in the earlier chapters when he was going up against his uncle and fancying himself a bit of a Boy Adventurer). And when he starts crying and Alan hears it—again, Alan doesn't shame him! Because Alan's been in enough combat to know this is a normal and respectable reaction. He says "You did good and you'll feel better in the morning!" But...again...Alan understands his reaction, but he does not remotely share it. It feels more like he sees it as something to ride out, to get through, because it's normal. The process of Getting Used To Killing Other People is a normal process that you go through when you grow up!

I love the culture clash. I love that you have all these differences and mismatched expectations at the same time that they're banded together and fighting for each other's lives, and also at the same time you get so much fondness for Alan through Davie's narration. ("I will say that in prose he always did me more than justice.") It's real good.

[dex20]

"shameful company" — astarion

also on ao3. pt. 4 of series (don't) lose your head

pairing : astarion/oc (m!durge) word count : 7.3k content : mentions of canon-typical violence, hurt/comfort, gratuitous fluff, wound care, applying stitches, bathing/washing, (astarion's) trauma and introspection, healing and establishing boundaries, intimacy and touch starvation, falling in love, named tav/durge with lore

The suite above the inn was strangely quiet compared to the floor below. Boisterous laughter and shouting from drunkards carried up the stairs and yet none dared to actually walk up there. Word of the murder that occurred in the spare room spread like wildfire throughout the city, and understandably, the average tavern-goer tried to avoid anything that would find themselves at the business end of a dagger.

Especially when there’s now a fresh trail of blood leading up to those double doors for the second week in a row.

As for inside the suite, it certainly looked like another altercation had occurred. Sanguine pools stained the quaint setup of rugs and pillows in the middle pit, which was also now strewn about. The floor was littered with bandages, potions, and some rather crude medical instruments spilling out of an adventurer’s pack — the owner of which sat near the hearth, a sheen of sweat covering his furrowed brow as he worked diligently. The barkeep could clean up the mess, for all he cared. He’s far too occupied with tending to his lover’s wounds to worry about anything else.

The two exchange no words, unless you count the tiefling’s quiet gasp and muffled prayer upon bearing witness to the grisly wound marring the other man’s flesh.

Though he delighted in a bit of goriness, the sight of his already low supply of blood pooling out of his own leg was admittedly something Astarion did not plan on happening today. Or ever, preferably.

For now, he sits feeling rather exposed, his right leg bent at the knee and breeches pulled down to his ankles as Niraeniel carefully dabs at the frightful-looking gash tearing through the flesh of his thigh with a damp cloth. Astarion grits his teeth, hissing through the burn of vinegar being doused onto the nerve endings of his skin. He counts himself lucky that the tonic Nir just about poured down his throat earlier had blunted the worst of the pain, but he could still feel the deep chill seeping into the meat of his thigh. It was like a ravine of ache and dull agony.

Astarion lets out an exhale of relief upon noticing the bleeding has ceased for the most part, silently thankful that the injury wasn’t nearly as severe as he thought. Astarion leans back against the wall, watching idly as Niraeniel cleans the wound, though not exactly at him — his eyes can’t seem to focus on anything in particular, feeling somewhat faint from how much blood he’s lost.

Nir pulls away briefly to reach for his suturing supplies, and for a moment Astarion isn’t so confident in his decision to let the tiefling anywhere near him with a needle and thread. He’d never even mentioned having any medical skill until today, simply leaving the duty to Shadowheart just like everyone else in their rag-tag group.

The vampire stops Niraeniel short when he reaches for his leg, placing his hand over the cautious grip bracing his thigh.

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Astarion says, words nearly a whisper from the strained sound of his voice.

Niraeniel shakes his head in response, swatting his hand away. “Would you rather I left you there to bleed out?”

“I’ve done the same to you before, haven’t I?”

“Yes, well, you make it quite difficult to stay mad at you.”

Astarion huffs, but still relents, relaxing back into the wall with his head turned away. Niraeniel shifts closer to him once more, tapping his knee softly to get his attention. “Could you tilt your leg a bit, ‘Star?”

The vampire glances at him from the corner of his eye for a short moment but says nothing in acknowledgement, simply slanting his leg in compliance so that Nir can get a better look. Even though he knows his lover is purposefully looking away, Niraeniel still smiles softly at him. He leans down to the examine the wound closer, taking hold of the other’s lower thigh again. The gash isn’t terribly long nor deep, but it still cuts scarily close to the major artery within Astarion’s thigh.

“Huh. Certainly a strange angle to go at …”

“Do you actually plan on helping or are you just going to gawk at me where the sun doesn’t shine?” Astarion snarls at him, but his ragged speak betrays his tone, sounding more like doubt than disdain.

The tieflings sighs, “Please, I really don’t have the patience to argue with you right now.”

With his free hand, Niraeniel intertwines his fingers with Astarion’s, and the gesture immediately pulls his gaze back to the man before him. Astarion finally notices the look of genuine concern marking his lover’s features, and his own expression softens at the sight, feeling a pang of guilt for acting coldly. Astarion’s eyes then follow down to their hands clasped together, and he offers a gentle squeeze in acknowledgement. “Fine, then. I suppose I’m in no position to be fighting again so soon, either.”

Niraeniel chuckles at that, and the sound is sweet enough to even tug the corners of Astarion’s mouth into a weak smile.

“Just sit back. I’ve got you, I promise,” Niraeniel murmurs reassuringly.

As if his words weren’t enough to swallow, Astarion nearly freezes when the other man leans in to press a quick kiss to his cheek. Normally, he’d try to deflect this nauseating amount of tenderness, but for now he’s content to do exactly as asked, letting his eyes flutter shut as Niraeniel continues to tend to his wounds.

With a careful hand, he guides a needle through the tip of the driver from the suturing kit and the braces the edge of the gash with the forceps in his other hand. Astarion hisses when he feels the needle dig into his skin, and although there’s no direct pain thanks to the potion he drank earlier, the mere sensation of the needle pulling through his flesh is uncomfortable to say the least.

Still, he watches intently as Niraeniel knits the skin back together, tying knots in the catgut thread to secure it in place before cutting the excess string and making his way down the gash to repeat the process.

Astarion clears his throat. “So, may I at least ask how you learned to treat wounds like this?”

Niraeniel hums passively at the question, too fixated on making precise movements to look up at the vampire. “It came with my career, honestly. I usually work alone, so I had time to practice on myself.” His nose wrinkles at the memory, remembering how excruciatingly painful it was to stitch his own injuries back up after a few close calls — and the times he witnessed the same reaction from siblings in arms when there were no healing potions left to spare. He continues, “But sometimes they’d pair me with younger recruits who made a habit of biting off more than they could chew. It became a rather important skill.”

“I see,” Astarion muses, his thoughts immediately drifting to the worst possible scenarios. “Has anyone died under your care?”

“Not necessarily. I try my best, but I’m not a cleric. Some wounds cut deeper beyond normal ability.” Niraeniel’s words seem to trail off, an uncomfortable silence hanging in the air as his own mind begins to spiral. He immediately shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the creeping memories. “But you’re not at risk of passing prematurely right now, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

Astarion lets out a dramatic sigh, clutching a hand over his unbeating heart theatrically. “Oh, thank the Gods, I was worried about my obituary sounding too boring. ‘Stabbed in the femoral artery by a lunatic gnome’ is a rather dull way to go out, don’t you think?”

“You jest, but count yourself lucky she missed the mark. A cut there could have bled you out in minutes.”

The vampire huffs bitterly in response, quickly dropping the act. He appears rather deep in thought now, if the serious expression pursing his face served as any indication.

Satisfied with the other’s silence and his own needlework, Niraeniel pats his knee before pulling away to grab a small jar of ointment. Astarion winces from how cold the cream is, but decides it would be a poor idea to complain. He simply breathes in deep, shifting his position now that he doesn’t have to sit frozen in place.

He gazes up at the ceiling, finally stable enough to reflect on the events that transpired today. They’d been ambushed by a group of Bhaalists while taking a shortcut through a park, of all the damned places. Luckily, he was able to react quickly, opening throats with his dual daggers with a terrifying level of finesse. Though admittedly, he did get a bit ahead of himself, tunnel vision set on taking out the archer above — it left the group exposed from behind, which might have been a fatal mistake for Niraeniel if Astarion hadn’t swooped in to take the blow for him.

Astarion swallows, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. On one hand, yes, he does feel rather stupid for redirecting the attacker’s swing to an equally lethal area on his body, but on the other …

He remembers the wide-eyed look of fear on his lover’s face as he staggered backwards to avoid the figure behind him, and the even more dramatic look of horror upon watching Astarion proceed to tackle the perpetrator to the ground. Niraeniel was rarely, if ever, caught by surprise — Astarion calls to mind the night he was crouched over the other’s unconscious body, just about to sink his teeth into the poor tiefling’s exposed neck before he stirred awake right in time. There was no look of panic, nor a startled scream. Just a disconcertingly straight face as he scrambled to pull out his boot-knife and then held it to the vampire’s throat.

Although the details remain hazy considering the bloodthirsty frenzy Astarion was in, he remembers Niraeniel being just as quiet when he took his last breath, offering little more than a strangled cry and weak scratch at the vampire’s shoulder before falling limp in his arms.

Astarion panicked to find a solution at first, but if he’s being perfectly honest, he wasn’t particularly moved by the loss. He’d only known the man for a day or two, after all. Although, there was something tragically beautiful about the scene he had caused — Blood dribbled down his chin, and he felt the warmth of it both on his skin and surging through his body. He was lost in the comfort of it all, until the eerie silence from the body beneath his pulled him back to reality.

The fond memory lingered in his mind for a while, until he started growing closer and closer to the man, their relationship eventually spinning into something far more intense than either would have imagined. What Astarion feels for Nir runs far deeper than body and blood, and the thought of the tiefling’s bloodied cadaver staring lifelessly at him again is sickening. It was motivation enough to throw his own life into danger.

Before Astarion can drown in his own morbid musing, a quick tug to the pointed tip of his ear snaps him out of his mind. His head jerks down to meet eyes with a very distressed looking Niraeniel.

“Astarion?”

“Yes, dearest?”

Niraeniel immediately flicks his forehead, earning a forced yet unenthusiastic ‘ow’ from the vampire. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You had me worried sick for a minute there.”

“Terribly sorry about that,” Astarion replies, feigning nonchalance. “Lounging by the fireplace like this is rather cozy. Can you blame me for nodding off?”

The tiefling tuts at the blatant lie, shaking his head in disapproval. He doesn’t comment on it any more though, resuming with the task at hand. He carefully wraps the injured leg in a cloth bandage, dressing layer by layer. “What happened back there, anyway? I thought we agreed to stick together.”

“And that’s what I was doing. I spotted her sneaking up from behind. She would have stabbed you if I hadn’t intervened,” Astarion explains, hunching over slightly to lean in close to Nir’s face.

“Is that supposed to comfort me? I’ve been on the giving and receiving end of some pretty serious injuries. You don’t need to protect me.”

Astarion huffs out a laugh of disbelief that they’re even having this conversation. “And just what was I supposed to do instead? Stand there and let it happen?” His tone is packed with a bite, but behind it there’s an ache of concern. He sighs deeply, “Hells, is it really so inconceivable that I don’t want to see you hurt?”

Niraeniel searches his lover’s gaze, but there’s no hint of deceit reflected in his ruby eyes. Just raw honesty.

“I understand that. But I could say the same thing about you.”

They’re both left quiet again for an uncomfortable few seconds in time before Niraeniel finally snips off the extra material of the bandaging and pins the end of the wrapping around Astarion’s thigh securely. “There,” he starts, pushing off of his knees to stand. “Now the worst is taken care of, at least. Do you think you’re able to stand?”

Astarion shrugs and reaches for the tiefling’s hand, trying to lift himself off of the floor until he grunts in pain and falls back on his rear from putting pressure onto his wounded leg.

Niraeniel can’t help but laugh at the tumble, quickly kneeling back down beside the vampire who’s now staring daggers into him. “Okay, okay, maybe not so soon,” he sputters out, reaching into his pack for a vial of red liquid. He pops the cork of it open, holding it up to Astarion’s mouth. “Could you drink this, please?”

Astarion raises an eyebrow skeptically. Although he trusts Nir fully, he would still prefer to know what he’s about to ingest before taking a swig. “First of all, what is it?”

“Rogue’s Morsel, Balsam, and Mergrass. Don’t worry, it’s just something to hasten the healing process.”

The vampire nods slowly in understanding, letting his body sink back onto the floor once more as he tries to release the tension building up inside of him. He reaches for the vial, but Nir gently pushes his hand away.

“Don’t,” he insists, pressing the rim of the glass to Astarion’s lips. “I’ll take care of you.”

Astarion scrunches his nose, pulling away from the other’s touch despite the feelings at the base of his mind screaming at him to give in for once. “Ugh, I’m not helpless, you know. I don’t need you to dote on me.”

Niraeniel shakes his head. “Maybe so, but you don’t need to carry everything on your own, and I’d love to help you. Just let me try.”

“Help me? You’ve already done enough, what makes you think —“

“Nothing at all, barring the fact that you almost bled to death on me,” Niraeniel cuts him off, a sneering edge to his voice. “But … it runs deeper than that. I know you don’t like relying on anyone for anything. It’s admiral to be independent, but not when you’re hiding on purpose.”

Astarion’s mouth parts to bark back in protest, but before he can start, Nir interrupts him once more, “And you should know well by now that you don’t need to hide from me. Not even your at your worst.”

The vampire is rightfully stilled, eyes widening as he stares at the man with a mix of wonder and horror from being read so thoroughly — he’s an open book before him, tattered edges and all. He lets out a deep sigh, wearily accepting the fact that it would be foolish to keep pretending Niraeniel couldn’t see right through him. “I’m just not used to … all of this. I can’t even remember the last time someone treated me like you do.”

“Good thing I’m here for you now, then,” Nir replies. He brings the vial to Astarion’s lips once more, quietly thankful that the vampire finally relents and parts his mouth. Carefully, Niraeniel brings his free hand up to Astarion’s face, cupping his jaw and tilting it upwards ever so lightly. He rubs his thumb over the elf’s cheekbones as the red liquid trickles into his mouth, emptying the glass of its contents.

“Was that so hard?” Nir teases, smiling softly once Astarion is finished drinking from the glass. The tiefling then discards the vial, paying no mind to the way it rolls across the floor — far too busy with brushing a stray curl behind Astarion’s ear to care.

“If it were anyone else, yes. But you have quite the knack for hospitality, my dear.” Astarion’s tongue darts out over his bottom lip, savoring the taste of the elixir he just drank. “Did you mix that yourself?”

Nir hums in affirmation. “It’s nothing special. I’m surprised the flavor wasn’t horrible, though. Those ingredients tend to be a bit, ah, bitter.”

Without thinking any better of it, his eyes trail down to the vampire’s sanguine-stained lips — a mistake Astarion quickly notices.

The vampire chuckles softly, finding his partner’s habit of wordless admiration to be quite endearing. “Oh? Are you looking for a taste as well?”

“Of you? Always.”

Without missing even a heartbeat, he leans in to lock mouths with Astarion, nipping playfully at his lower lip. He was right — the taste is pleasantly earthy, though there’s a faint hint of iron mixed in, no doubt the remnants of blood from Astarion’s earlier snacking.

When Nir begins to pull away, Astarion weakly reaches up to tug on the collar of his shirt to draw him right back in to the kiss. His hand falters not a moment after, brushing against the bare skin of the other’s chest peeking out from the neckline of his garment before falling back into place on his lap. He grumbles at his own tenuousness, uneasy at the concept feeling so utterly weak in front of another person — both physically and emotionally, in his dreadful case.

It’s always with him, Astarion thinks to himself, He’ll be the death of me yet.

Nir observes the failed affection, and immediately backs away, nervous that he did something to upset his lover. “Is there something wrong?”

“Oh, no, not really,” Astarion responds rather sarcastically, “just that I’m currently lacking the strength to so much as touch you.” He rolls his eyes as if to shrug off the issue, though the distracted look in his gaze is enough to signal his disappointment.

Nir laughs, “Numbing will do that to you. I would offer to sit on your lap if you’re really looking to get close, but …” The tiefling trails off, choosing to gesture vaguely towards Astarion’s damaged leg instead.

“Mocking a feeble man now, are you? That’s quite cruel, even by my standards,” Astarion teases, pretending to be offended.

“Oh, hush. You’ll be fine come daylight.” Nir presses a finger to his lips, letting it linger there for a moment while he’s lost in thought. “Would it help if you fed from me?”

Astarion tilts his head, a rather uncharacteristically adorable gesture for such a sharp-edged man. “I didn’t want to ask since you also lost a decent amount of blood from that fight, but if you’re offering …”

Niraeniel nods, immediately beginning to fumble with the buttons on his shirt and letting the fabric fall to his arms, tilting his chin up to bare his neck. Though his skin is a dark grey tone, the freckles dotting his arms seem to twinkle under the glow of the hearth’s fire.

The sudden gesture surprises Astarion, delightfully amused by how ready the other man is to offer his own life force. “Careful now, dear. If anyone were to walk in on us right now, they would think you were trying to seduce me.”

“Just bite me before I change my mind.”

“Ah, you’re such a sweetheart,” Astarion quips with a cheeky wink before diving right in — his fangs descending on their usual target on Niraeniel’s neck, tearing through the dual puncture marks that just begun to heal. Nir yelps at the sudden pain, but wraps his arms around Astarion to pull him closer anyway. The vampire makes a strange sound of approval somewhere between a moan and a low hum, sipping greedily at his neck. But this time, just like every night after the tiefling had first offered him sustenance, he releases his bite before the sanguine satisfaction can cloud his thoughts.

Astarion’s eyelids flutter closed as he slouches forward, nuzzling the top of his head into the crook of Niraeniel’s neck. He sighs contently, finding the strength in his arms to return his partner’s embrace.

“Thank you,” the vampire murmurs softly, rubbing circles into the other’s back to soothe the pain.

Niraeniel nods, “Of course. Though … I have to ask, what do I taste like? A mouthful of blood like that only has smack of iron to me.”

“It does? That’s a pity.” Astarion finally withdraws from the hug to examine his own gory handiwork. ”The flavor is bit hard to describe, though — everyone has their unique taste, but yours is particularly enigmatic. Like a lush full-bodied wine, though there’s a delectable hint of raspberries and dark chocolate.”

“Aww, now I almost feel like I’m missing out. Almost.”

“On being a vampire?” Astarion questions. “Trust me, darling, the list of quirks is far shorter than what you’ll lose. Besides, I would certainly miss this,” he purrs, referring to the warmth of the tiefling’s skin by the way he’s now tracing a finger down his arm.

“Your touch has never bothered me,” admits Niraeniel, disguising a shiver elicited from Astarion’s cold, clammy caress as a slight shrug not a second later. He is telling the truth, though. No matter how his body reacts out of initial instinct, he still longs for more.

“Hmph. I can’t say I’ve ever heard that before. Not with my clothes still on, at least.” Astarion finishes his sentence with a chuckle to lighten the mood just a little bit, but the attempt falls flat from how utterly despondent he sounds.

“There’s many more ways to be intimate with someone beyond that.” To emphasize his point, Nir takes the other’s wandering hand into his own and brings it to rest over his heart.

Astarion glances up at him questioningly, but is quickly distracted by the steady beating just beneath his palm. He lets his hand flatten out against the bared chest, focusing on the thick texture of the ridges lining Nir’s skin underneath his fingertips and the slow rise and fall of his chest with each breath he takes. He’s so very alive, so full of warmth and a hidden kind of radiance only ever revealed during tender moments like this.

Only ever revealed to me, Astarion realizes.

He closes his eyes, still fixated on the thrum of his lover’s heart. “I know,” he starts, “It’s more a matter of not really knowing how, I suppose. Cazador never let me hold onto any of my conquests longer than what was necessary. Which, admittedly, felt like a small mercy at times.”

Nir gently squeezes his hand in a silent sort of understanding, a solemn expression on his face. There’s a darkness that quells within him — that familiar drive to maim and murder, and for once he doesn’t chase it away. He may not have suffered what Astarion has, but he’s going to delight in ripping Cazador to shreds for what he’s done anyway. He almost gets lost in his own grisly imagination before Astarion’s touch drags him back — a soft, unintentional tap to his sternum.

Nir bows his head, both out of sympathy and his own shame. “I may not be able to take away your past, but I can promise you that it’ll be a cold day in Avernus before I let anything happen to you again.” He notices Astarion crack an eye open at this, and so the tiefling holds his gaze firmly. “I don’t know how either, as you’ve probably gathered by now. But I’d love to learn, as long as that’s what you want as well. We don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

As be begins to pull away, Astarion immediately clutches at his shoulder, rooting him in place. “Wait. Wait. Gods, if there’s anyone I’m going to be this close with, I …”

He stops himself, turning his head away rather bashfully, appearing more like a smitten schoolboy than a man of his age. “I want it to be you,” Astarion finally adds, words tumbling out as little more than a whisper.

The confession hangs in the air between them for a long moment before Nir exhales slowly, relief flooding through him. "Astarion," he says quietly, reaching up to carefully brush the back of his knuckles along Astarion’s flushed cheek, tracing the line of his jaw before cupping his face in both hands. "We'll have to figure this out together, won’t we?”

Astarion’s eyes soften as he studies Niraeniel's profile, taking in every little detail — the tired look in his eyes, to the way strands of white hair fall in his face, and how his hands tremble ever so slightly, like the tiefling is scared of shattering him if he holds on too tightly. It's clear to see how much effort Niraeniel puts into caring for Astarion’s comfort first and foremost, and that kindness alone fills the vampire with a warmth he hasn’t felt in far, far too long — if ever.

Without any further thought, Astarion crashes his lips against Nir’s, a sense of urgency and need fueling the kiss. Astarion wraps his arms around him, letting himself fall back onto the floor below while pulling Niraeniel down with him. He can’t help but grin against his mouth, fangs grazing against his lower lip ever so slightly. Their teeth knock together, but neither seem to care, happily hurried and messy with their affections.

Niraeniel finally parts to take a deep breath and re-adjust his position so that he’s straddling Astarion’s waist, his hands now on either side of the vampire’s head in order to keep himself up while he drapes his body over the other’s. He lowers his head back down again, meeting Astarion’s lips in another deep kiss. Astarion’s own hands travel up the tiefling’s back, eliciting a shiver which he chuckles at. His fingers tangle into his long white hair, untying the ponytail in the back of it so that Niraeniel’s hair now cascades downward, tickling Astarion’s cheeks.

Nir slowly begins to trail his lips down to his jaw, but doesn’t actually kiss him yet, instead pausing in place just a few centimeters away. “Is this okay? Can I kiss you here?”

“Do you really need to ask that?”

“Always better to make sure,” Niraeniel responds, but still doesn’t budge.

Astarion rolls his eyes teasingly. “Yes that’s perfectly fine.”

At his word, the tiefling resumes his ministrations, leaving kisses across his cheeks and jawline. They’re quick and chaste, little more than hurried dabs before moving onto the next area, nuzzling into the crook of Astarion’s neck.

“What about here,” Niraeniel questions, “Is this okay?”

“You don’t need to ask for my approval for every little thing,” Astarion sighs out. Although he feigns sounding irritated, it couldn’t be further from the truth — his lover’s insistence on consent is rather endearing, and a sharp departure from what he’s used to. No one has ever payed that much attention to his wants and needs — far too eager to take until there’s nothing left of his body and mind to give. And yet Niraeniel refuses to even move a muscle until Astarion gives his explicit agreement.

“But … yes.”

Astarion can feel the corners of the man’s lips curl up as they press against his throat, tracing the curve of his Adam’s apple. He can feel his breath upon his neck, close to the permanent bite scars that mark his flesh, and the sensation makes him quiver ever so slightly.

Content with his reaction, Niraeniel sits back up, peering down at Astarion from above. “You need a bath,” he comments, brushing a curl back behind his ear.

“Are you saying I’m dirty?”

“Maybe,” Nir says with a devious smile.

Astarion scrunches his nose but still grins back, nudging the other’s arm playfully in retaliation.

“Hey, we’ve both had a long day,” the tiefling adds in defense of himself. “But … would you let me take care of you?”

“Didn’t you just?”

“No, I mean, would you, ah —” His words trail off as he thinks of how to best propose his question, unable to meet Astarion’s eyes. “Would you let me help you bathe?”

Astarion blinks, quirking an eyebrow from both confusion as well as suspicion of Niraeniel’s intentions.

“I won’t be getting in with you,” Nir clarifies, shaking his head. “I can wash off later. This is purely about spoiling you.”

“Mm-hmm,” Astarion hums, now in deep imagination about the idea of being washed by someone else. It’s a sickeningly sweet and vulnerable concept, something more suitable for a happily married couple instead of the strange bond between them that neither man has bothered to put a proper name to. Still, the thought is a welcome one, especially if it means getting to be spoiled like royalty. “An invitation to be pampered by a sweet boy such as yourself? I must be dreaming.”

“Is that so?” Niraeniel questions, already swinging his leg off of Astarion’s waist so he can stand. “You’ll have to tell me all about what’s going on in that pretty head of yours, then.”

Astarion pushes his back up from the ground as well, moving back into a sitting position. “Well, it starts with you sweeping me off my feet and carrying me like a princess over to the washroom, since it’d be terrible if I had to move my leg again so soon.”

“Surely you’re joking? You probably weigh above four stones more than I do,” Niraeniel complains, gesturing up and down to his own short stature. The vampire has over twenty five centimeters on him in height, which isn’t a terrible disparity, but Nir is rather weak.

Astarion follows the other’s hand movements, drinking in the full sight of him toweing above his sitting form. “Ah, that’s true. I suppose you’ll just have to figure something else out then, won’t you, darling?”

Nir grumbles in response, but his tone is distinctly light-hearted. “Alright, but if I drop you, then the blame is all yours.”

“I can live with that.”

Niraeniel shifts into a crouching position and hooks an arm underneath the crook of Astarion’s knees and wraps his other arm around his back. He murmurs a cantrip under his breath — a simple spell to temporarily amplify the strength in his grasp, just for a handful of time. He takes a sharp inhale before beginning to lift the vampire’s body with a near-effortless amount of ease. The man still weighs down his back, but at the very least, he’s secure in his arms.

Astarion’s breath hitches when he realizes he’s actually being picked up bridal-style, as he expected Nir to simply let him lean on his shoulder and limp side-by-side. Yet here he is now, nearly curled up into a fetal position and held close to the other man’s chest by his warm embrace. His knee-jerk reaction is to demand to be let down immediately, but he’s unable to muster the strength to speak those words.

And that’s when he finally understands just how utterly weak he is in his lover’s presence. How Niraeniel lets him drop his strength at the door — no, how he encourages him to do so. He’s broken down the vampire’s carefully constructed walls only to build them back up again twice as strong around the two of them. There’s no need for him to let go of this feeling of safety like he has so many times before. This comfort isn’t ephemeral — it clings to him much in the same way he’s now wrapping his arms tightly around Niraeniel’s neck, wondering if it’s possible to melt into someone else.

Slowly, he peeks his eyes open once more, peering up at his partner’s face who’s already smiling down at him.

“Aren’t you just adorable,” Niraeniel teases, pressing a kiss to the vampire’s forehead.

Astarion rolls his eyes. “Paint a picture, it’ll last longer.”

Niraeniel knows it’s a playful jab, but responds in earnest anyway, “I think not. The real thing is much better.”

Once inside the washroom, Nir gently sets the man down on stool tucked into the corner. Now kneeling beside Astarion, he places his hands on either side of his shoulders, grabbing his attention. “Do you need help, you know, getting undressed?”

Astarion ponders the question for a moment, not entirely sure of his own answer. He loves Niraeniel dearly, trusting that he would never hurt him, but the thought of someone else’s hands reaching to undress his body again …

Astarion shakes his head. “I appreciate the thought, but no. I think I’d be more comfortable doing that part myself, for now.”

Niraeniel nods, releasing his grip on the other’s shoulders. “Of course. I’ll keep my back turned. When the water is ready, I’ll let you know, athough I’m not entirely sure how you’re going to get over to the tub on your own …”

The vampire chuckles. “Always worried about me, hm? I’m sure I’ll be fine crawling just a meter or two.”

Niraeniel smiles back at him, ruffling up Astarion’s hair before rising to his feet. “By your orders, my liege,” he says sarcastically, offering a dramatic bow before turning to the tub. The tiefling kneels at the edge of the basin and turns the on the faucet, letting it fill with water. He reaches a hand out to let the water run over it, testing the temperature and then adjusting it to be just a little bit hotter than what would be comfortable for most, mindful of the fact that Astarion doesn’t feel heat quite as strongly.

Once satisfied, he pushes himself off the ground once more, walking over to the nearby cabinets. He sorts through the shelves, looking through the assortment of soaps and vials stocked so considerately by the roomkeeper. “What do you want to smell like? Bergamot, vanilla, lavender? Or something spicy, perhaps?”

Astarion hums thoughtfully, still busy with removing his clothes. “I’m not sure. I’m quite fond of bergamot, but I already have that mixed into my perfume,” he muses. Astarion finishes unlacing his braies, letting the article pool onto the floor with the rest of his rather elaborate get-up.

He remembers when he bought it — the group had stopped at an armory to stock up on better gear that wasn’t nearly tearing at the seams from how much use it had seen. Niraeniel had offered his own coin to buy a costly set the vampire had his eyes on. There was no use arguing with him — he was wholly satisfied to see how the fit looked while Astarion was modeling it, a content smile on his face while he helped to adjust the leather padding of the coat. Astarion just stood there rather awkwardly, if a bit tense, caugh up in the careful touch of his companion’s hands across his body. He’s certainly not used to be fussed over in that way, and although he adores it coming from Niraeniel, he couldn’t quite shake the nagging thought of when the comforting contact would warp into something cold and cruel.

But it never did.

He wanted to lift the other man into his arms and kiss him until he was breathless just as much as he wanted to run and hide from the uncharted territory.

Astarion looks over at him now, watching as Niraeniel continues to rummage through the cabinet, the sound of glasses clinking together and getting knocked over competing with the rush of the water filling the basin. The tiefling never once peers back to get an eyeful of Astarion’s barren form, just as he promised, too caught up in reading the labels on each bottle and bar to care about much else. The sight makes something within Astarion’s chest stir — like the beating of a heart, if his memory serves him correctly. Like the gust of a balmy breeze in a land where wind hasn’t blown in centuries.

He think he’s just about lost his mind when he begins to laugh. It’s an honest-to-gods giggle, a carefree sort of sound unburdened by the weight of today, or yesterday, or the centuries before that.

Niraeniel begins to turn his head in confusion, but quickly stops himself short. “Uh, Astarion? Are you feeling alright?”

“Oh, I couldn’t be better, my dear. Trust me,” Astarion responds, still grinning like an idiot. “Anyway, what’s your favorite scent? We’ll go with that.”

“It’s … mugwort. Are you sure?”

“As ever,” Astarion purrs. He can’t tell if he means the soap or is asking for reassurance about his mood, but regardless, it’s a resounding yes.

Niraeniel heaves a deep sigh, allowing his shoulders to sag slightly. “Maybe I should have brought you to a cleric to begin with,” he adds, letting out a soft laugh of his own. He plucks the mugwort-scented bar of soap from the shelf, as well as a few other toiletries — a bottle of conditioner, a soft rag, and a towel for later. After turning back to the tub to set the supplies down, he turns the faucet off and reaches an arm into the water, swirling it around. “Perfect. Now it’s your turn to drag yourself over here, I’m afraid.”

“No. Carry me.”

“What?”

“You heard me the first time, darling.”

“I — I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with that,” Niraeniel admits, “Since you’re, well, naked.” The tiefling still doesn’t turn his head, choosing to remain kneeling by the bathtub.

Astarion shrugs, even though he knows the other man can’t see him. “I didn’t know if I would be either. But I’ve come to find that I feel safe with you,” he explains, trying not to focus on the lump forming in his throat. “I know you’re trying to tread carefully for my sake, so … I trust that you’re not going to do anything to upset me. Not on purpose.”

The tiefling dips his head in understanding, closing his eyes. “I’m glad. We’ll try, but as I’ve said so many times before — if something doesn’t feel right, you need to tell me. Please.”

“I don’t think anything could feel wrong, as long as I’m with you,” Astarion responds, his voice now sounding raw like he hadn’t spoken in years, honesty wearing through his tone. “Now, are you going to lift me again, or not?”

Niraeniel laughs, already beginning to stand and turn without missing a beat. He can now see the vampire’s coiled form in the corner, his knees drawn up to his chest out of modesty. There’s absolutely nothing arousing about the scene, though — what lays in front of him is not just a body, but a person — his lover. He picks Astarion up again with ease, eyes never leaving each other’s gaze, like an exchange of unspoken words only they understand.

To Astarion, it’s a promise of protection. He feels so utterly exposed like this, and yet the way Nir stares past the surface and into something far deeper within him feels like being wrapped in silks and linens — a new and terrifying kind of way to be known by another soul, but ever-so-comforting to know that he doesn’t need to hide from it.

Astarion whines as he’s being gently lowered into the water, already missing the tender skinship. Still, he allows himself to relax fully, focusing on the warmth of the bath enveloping his body.

“Feels good?” Nir asks, beginning to dip the rag into the water and lather it with the bar of soap.

“If you told me I died and woke up in the heavens, I’d probably believe you.” Astarion smiles at the thought, letting his head roll back onto the lip of the basin and eyes blink shut in bliss.

“Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re stuck with me for a little while longer.” Once the rag is soapy enough, the tiefling taps softly on Astarion’s shoulder, the gesture making the vampire open his eyes just enough to peer back questioningly.

“May I?” Niraeniel asks, gesturing to other’s shoulders which are peeking out of the water.

Astarion nods. “You may.”

His eyes flutter closed again as Nir begins to brush the rag against his body, surprised at himself for not flinching out of impulse. It … feels quite nice, actually, Astarion thinks, as the feather-light grazes across his skin washing away all of the dirt and blood from their earlier battle. He can certainly smell the mugwort, the bitter sage-like scent filling the air he breathes.

“You know, mugwort is technically a psychoactive herb,” Niraeniel recalls, reaching across to lift the other man’s arm, spreading soap down the length of it. “Not a particularly strong one at all, but it’s still used often to induce a mild feeling of euphoria.”

“Is that why you drink it?”

“Indeed. It tends to help with my nightmares too. Not that you’d need it for that reason, considering you only need to trance.”

Astarion hums in acknowledgement. “I can sleep if I want to, although staying unconscious for nearly seven hours straight doesn’t sound like something I’d trade for.” He leans forward, allowing Nir’s hand to travel from his arm down to his back, scrubbing away at the skin there. “But it’d certainly be a nice excuse to stay in bed with you for a little while longer.”

Maybe the mugwort is fueling his mood somewhat, but Astarion almost feels as though he’s floating. Being treated so tenderly by someone else — it’s almost overwhelming, like Niraeniel’s touch is liquid fire and he could burn up any minute now. He’s grateful that his head is bowed in this position, otherwise his lover would most certainly notice the tears beginning to well at the corners of his eyes.

Tears. Tears. Not from distress or any other negative reason, but from complete and utter absolution, releasing the agony from over two hundred years without any kind touch, little by little.

Unexpectedly, Niraeniel tilts Astarion’s head back up, about to begin lathering soap into the vampire’s hair. Just like Astarion had anticipated, the man immediately catches sight of a fat tear rolling down his pale cheek, dripping into the water below. But before he can even begin to pull away, Astarion grabs the other’s hand and holds it firmly in place.

“Keep going. Please.”

Niraeniel’s mouth merely hangs open, frozen and unsure of what to say or do in the face of his lover when he’s like this.

Astarion chuckles at the sight, shaking his head before wiping his own eyes. “They’re good tears, my sweet. Don’t worry.”

The tiefling is silent for a moment longer, still questioning Astarion’s honesty. He looks for any telltale signs of detachment — a far off stare, dialated pupils, twitching ears — but there is none. Astarion wants this. With a kind smile, Niraeniel cautiously leans forward, slow enough that Astarion can lean away if he needs to, but he never does.

Instead, the vampire meets him half-way, pressing their lips together gently. There’s no hunger in the way he kisses him now, or at least none in his usual way. Simply a chaste affection and an aching to be shared, to be known and tasted, not as a body, but as something beyond the physical realm entirely. An aching to be loved.

And as the tiefling responds with a lighthearted giggle, already beginning to run the conditioner through his curls and massage his scalp with deft fingers — all the while peppering kisses over every inch of his face — Astarion begins to realize how much he aches to love him back.

hi i barely use this website anymore (mostly on twt here and here) but i want to get this fic out there more because i'm v proud of this part in particular!

for now — likes, reblogs, and feedback are greatly appreciated! thank you so much for reading this far!

[mllemaenad]

The Magnus Protocol: Personal Screening

The interesting thing here is how much this is about a person proceeding with a very unwise course of action despite quite clear warnings that he should stop.

To be clear, I'm not of the "stay ignorant of the monsters or they will get you" school of thought. The Magnus Archive had 200 episodes. Most of those were about someone who did not work at The Magnus Institute having a decidedly unpleasant supernatural experience. Most of those people had no particular reason to believe the monsters even existed before that experience occurred. Ignorance won't save you, and there were a handful of cases where someone competent (say, Adelard Dekker) actually knew something that could and did save people.

Understanding the kind of world, the kind of story, you're in, and how its rules work, is an important aspect of surviving a horror story. But poking a bear just to see what happens is generally not a wise course of action.

And I'm usually sympathetic to the statement givers, even when they do things that are obviously the wrong thing to do in a horror story. The average person has no reason to expect that poking around in some back streets in search of a lost companion is going to lead them to a faceless, screaming crowd, or that getting on a cable car could led to travelling into an endless sky. People don’t plan their days around things like that, and you can’t expect them to know ahead of time what sort of story they’ve wandered into. But this guy ... Tom. Tom, what is wrong with you? That is not how competitions work.

The case quite obviously interrupts Sam filling in his mysterious “Response department” forms, which sound an awful lot like poking a bear just to see what will happen.

Sam And I’m going to fill it in anyway. See what happens. Alice You’re wasting your time. Sam It’s my time to waste. – The Magnus Protocol: Personal Screening

And while it may be no more than coincidence, it’s impossible not to note that the title of the blog post that draws Tom back in calls back to the language Sam used to describe The Magnus Institute:

Sam What? Oh no, I’m fine. It just threw me. Have you ever heard of the Magnus Institute? Gwen Like from the case? No. Why? Sam Nothing. Just a bit of a blast from the past, that’s all. – The Magnus Protocol: First Shift

Chester/Tom BLOG POST: GENERAL: A BLAST FROM THE PAST – The Magnus Protocol: Personal Screening

If not a coincidence, that could be a fairly pointed warning.

Tom's story is very much about a man prodding at an old wound – and in doing so ignoring every single warning that he is heading into danger. It is as much about what is not said as what is. The blog itself is full of gaps: there are the deleted blog posts about various pieces of horror media, which mean that Tom is stripped down purely to the narrative that destroyed him.

Arguably, given the last post, he is a lure for the next person – but I don't believe this actually fits with what is there. You can see, yes that:

Chester/Tom Voyeur needs to be seen to be believed. The scariest movie I have ever seen. – The Magnus Protocol: Personal Screening

But if you read the entire contents of the blog, you also get a very clear rundown of why you absolutely should not see it. You're not going to get bored or distracted by Tom's 4,000 word review of Puppet Master 4 and never see the pertinent information. It's all clearly laid out for you. Tom didn't heed the warnings. Will you? And, by extension, will Sam?

Personal Screening refers, of course, to the viewing that Tom "won", but also to a screening process. There are numerous red flags in the Voyeur story to which Tom is utterly oblivious. Many people would simply not have followed that trail. But the process has effectively "screened" for someone who will go on to the very end.

And there Sam sits, having first ticked the box he wasn't supposed to tick, and now filling out the forms he's been warned not to fill in. How many more steps will there be before he reaches the end of his screening process?

And then, of course, there's the long silence between the first post and the second. It is not outright stated, but pretty heavily implied that Tom's father's "accident" occurred shortly after the first post was made. This is what Tom "went through" and what made him stop posting.

Everything around the Voyeur setup is framed around taking Tom back before that time: the "like minded people" who discuss horror the way his father did; the cinema he frequented with his father; the popcorn he devoured as a child.

He's a horror fan, but that doesn't help him. In point of fact, it probably puts him in more peril, because he notes that horror no longer scares him:

Chester/Tom I know that I only found out about this film like a week ago, but I feel like I’ve been waiting to see something that would truly scare me for… years now. I feel like I’ve just been kind of… numb to the whole genre. Obviously, I still really enjoy everything horror related, but it takes a lot to get any sort of reaction out of me these days… I even started seeking out the borderline “should be illegal” stuff… Faces of Death, the August Underground series… even those barely get a shudder out of me… I’m hoping this might finally scratch that itch. – The Magnus Protocol: Personal Screening

He has presumably watched hundreds of characters come to terms with the fact that they are in a horror story and resolve themselves to deal with it. But virtually nothing makes an impression on him: not the disappearing comments; the odd website; the wildly incoherent contest submission; the mysterious letter; the bizarre disparity between the exterior and interior of the theatre; the lone, deeply suspicious, employee; the whole setup being for a single "fan" with no obvious promotional benefit for anybody involved – nothing. Only the realisation that, not only does the cinema have footage from his life, but that there is something wrong with it, provokes any reaction. Even then, that reaction is more consternation than terror.

If you do poke a bear, you should know exactly why you're doing it and be prepared for the response. Tom obviously dances around the emotional issue – and never fully grasps the rules of the world he inhabits.

And, well, this is a Chester story. Is Chester John? Could not say. If The Magnus Protocol intends to discuss the identity of the voices, it has not chosen to do so yet.

The story is certainly relevant to his interests, though.

Horror, if it's any good, is usually about something, rather than just gore for gore's sake. It's unsurprising that Tom did not like The Babadook: the story frames itself around the worrying behaviour of a child whose father was killed in a car accident. Tom is seeking horror for nostalgia: that story would be asking him to confront things he does not want to think about. But the film also contains a malevolent children's book, whose titular character comes to terrorise the family – which has definite shades of A Guest for Mr. Spider.

It's not about the reference, though: it's about the attitude to the threat.

Now, I don't believe "ignored all reasonable warnings and charged headlong toward ruin" is a reasonable summary of John's story. But I do think that's how he tended to frame it:

Archivist Healthy? I am an Avatar of voyeuristic terror, whose unquestioned craving for knowledge has condemned the entire world to an eternity of torment; healthy i-isn’t – i,it’s not – – The Magnus Archives: Dwelling

The thing is, John was always keenly aware of the danger.

Archivist Of course, I believe. Of course I do. Have you ever taken a look at the stuff we have in Artefact Storage? That’s enough to convince anyone. But, but even before that… Why do you think I started working here. It’s not exactly glamorous. I have… I’ve always believed in the supernatural. Within reason. I mean. I still think most of the statements down here aren’t real. Of the hundreds I’ve recorded, we’ve had maybe… thirty, forty that are… that go on tape. Now, those, I believe, at least for the most part. Martin Then why do you – Archivist Because I’m scared, Martin! Because when I record these statements it feels… it feels like I’m being watched. I… I lose myself a bit. And then when I come back, it’s like… like if I admit there may be any truth to it, whatever’s watching will… know somehow. The scepticism, feigning ignorance. It just felt safer. – The Magnus Archives: Infestation

Access to the right information might well have saved him a lot of misery. But what he got was access to a lot of the wrong information, because people significantly more powerful than he was had access to enough personal details about him to know exactly what buttons they had to push to get him to behave a certain way. And Voyeur – well, it's right there in the title. Whatever is pursuing Tom is also keenly aware, not just of footage from his personal life, but of all the little details of his personal experience that would draw him in. And, implicitly, it enjoyed exploiting that.

The whole of The Magnus Archives, like this blog, could be taken as a warning. And by the end, a lot of his motivation was geared toward preventing another person from walking his path:

Archivist [With sadness] You didn’t speak the words! You didn’t feel them move through you, vomiting out of you like… … I did this. It’s my fault. And I don’t want… I can’t let anyone else feel that. That helpless, enormous guilt. Ever. – The Magnus Archives: Seeing It Through

I don't especially think Sam will walk John's path, or not exactly. Mostly because I don't think there's much point in telling the same story twice. But I do think it would be John's primary concern. And Sam – Sam has experience of the supernatural. And Sam wants something badly enough to pursue it with what at least looks like a devil-may-care attitude. It may be that he is, in fact, better prepared to deal with what he finds than it appears. But there's a warning here: why are you poking a bear? And will getting what you want be worth the price?

As for Chester's source material – well, that's interesting too. So far:

Norris's stories have both accessed very private information: an email chain in one instance, a diary in the other.

Chester's have both drawn on reasonably public information: a forum thread and a blog.

Augustus has only had one story, so it's unreasonable to draw extended conclusions, but it does differ from both of the above: it was taken from a letter that would have been private when written, but is likely regarded as a simple historical artefact now.

But, well, as they say: once is happenstance, twice is coincidence ...

In terms of the rest of the framing story, it makes me think about the difference of the audience position between this and The Magnus Archives. Just as the statements were largely willingly given in The Magnus Archives, the audience was generally allowed to listen in.

Tape recorders, after all, record. And they play back. That's what they do. There's no ambiguity about what person is doing if they are using a tape recorder. And mostly, the cast used them deliberately, to record statements or thoughts or (apparently) poetry.

After a while, John tended to treat the tape recorder as a sympathetic ear in a hostile environment, and would just flop down and tell you how unbearably weird his week had been. Martin tended to use the tapes to leave messages for John, but also sometimes spoke to them directly. There were characters, like Tim and Melanie, who became actively hostile to the tapes, and because of that you would only hear them in specific circumstances. That might colour your perception of them, but it was a choice they were allowed to make.

I'm not arguing there were no violations of privacy in The Magnus Archives – there very much were. But in terms of the tapes this tended to come down to a minute or so of overheard conversation, some subsequent shouting once the tape recorder was discovered, and then the tape recorder being very firmly turned off.

As the audience, you might eavesdrop a little, but most of the time you were included as an additional, if silent, character in the conversation. And if you were overhearing something the characters did not want you to, they could usually cut you out.

Here, just as the characters in the stories don't know they're sharing their stories, the main cast don't know they're being recorded. Sam has been watching Colin, and reports this to Lena behind his back. But we are watching Sam in turn. Gwen is investigating a recording of Lena and a former IT Manager, and we watch her do that.

Only Colin seems aware they're being observed, and he is becoming obsessive about avoiding it.

And it's a thing, obviously, in the modern world. Your phone has a microphone, and so may your TV and various other devices. And people mostly do just ignore it, because they have little other practical choice.

It's even highlighted in this story itself:

Chester/Tom BLOG POST: GENERAL: NO WAY I WON THE CONTEST! I can’t believe it! The invitation was waiting when I got home today, in a small black envelope. I don’t even remember giving them my address. The website must have logged my IP and looked it up or something… I’m really not sure how any of that works. – The Magnus Protocol: Personal Screening

I don't actually believe that's what happened here – but if it did, it would be a different kind of horrifying thing, to which Tom is cheerfully indifferent. The idea that he might be so completely surveilled, and that unknown people will act on that surveillance at will, simply does not phase him.

But if The Magnus Archives cast the audience as a known listener, inviting you in to hear its characters' woes – where are our sympathies pointed here, where we are very much on the outside looking in?

[aikoiya]

LoZ - Gerudo Tolerances

I don't get the insistence that the Gerudo, just by virtue of being primarily women, would somehow make them a very progressive, feminist culture. Especially the modern interpretation of feminism.

If anything, it's more likely to cause them to be very conservative. Especially in regards to homosexuality, childlessness, & transgenderism.

Because, think about it. An all-female society that still reproduces the same way as humans MEANS that in order to keep the Gerudo population from going extinct, every single Vai HAS to have an average of at least 1 child.

And that means that if even 1 Vai doesn't do this, then some other Vai has to pick up the slack by having 2.

I don't think a lot of fans are really getting just how very dire the Gerudo's situation is.

They only get 1 male a century & men are not allowed into their town, so in order to reproduce, they have to go out & search for a man to reproduce with. (And that 1 male cannot be the only stud of the Gerudo or their race would've died out long ago as a result of incest.)

That means that they could encounter monsters much more easily.

All this in a world that has things like Gleeoks & Lynels.

Which means that if every single Gerudo isn't strong enough or skilled enough as warriors, they could die without leaving someone else to take their place.

Which means in order to successfully maintain a birth rate if not above the death rate, then at least at equilibrium with it, just to account for unexpected tragedy, then these women should have, on average, at least 2 kids, if not 3 just to be safe.

Yet, you only see around 6 little Vai at most & only 2 of them are stated to be sisters.

That... is very, very bad.

So, I hate to crush ya'll's dreams of a feminist paradise, but heterosexuality & motherhood is most likely not only expected, but enforced with extreme prejudice.

Because even one Vai not having kids is likely cause for at least mild panic. 2 even more so. And I don't wanna even think about the sheer alarm that would occur if there were more than that.

Even if 10% of the Gerudo population is non-straight, it is almost guaranteed that they would opt to simply live life in the closet & seal it shut forever rather than come out of it. Because there's no telling what would happen. No telling how the other Vai would react. What they'd do.

Especially if that Vai has no sisters herself.

Please, keep in mind the fact that the Gerudo are at least partially based upon Muslim nations, where homosexuality is punishable by death.

So, yes. Of effing course, the Gerudo are gonna seem one-note & too focused on romance.

They are constantly on the brink of extinction.

If I were in their position, I'd be obsessed with finding a man too.

Hell, in their situation, it'd honestly just be more practical to have one-night stand after one-night stand until pregnant.

But that sort of habit does something to your sense of self-worth.

If anything, romance is most likely a pipe dream in most situations, but not the expected outcome.

Especially considering some of these women grow up without any male interaction. Period.

Hell! There's at least 1 Gerudo who has, apparently, never even seen a real man before! This is freaking canon! And it shows by the simple fact that this lady is unable to maintain eye-contact with Link!

I can't even fathom the emmense amount of stress & pressure that this would cause to a young person.

Which is likely why romance is so... romanticized!

To give these girls hope that they'll find someone who they can love & be loved by in return & live happily ever after with.

Life is already stressful enough.

This would likely be debilitating without something to hope for, even if it is impractical.

LoZ Cultural Masterlist

[letthewhumpbegin]

Sorry - Shadow and Bone

Fandom: Shadow and Bone , Six of Crows Characters: Kaz Brekker, Jesper Fahey Prompt: this was written for @juneofdoom Day 27, prompt "I'm so sorry." Word count: 2254 Warnings: contains descriptions of panic attack (almost right from the start), blood, stab wound, passing out, drugging.

How do you treat injuries on a man who won't let you touch him? Who recoils in fear at the slightest brush of someone else against him?

That was exactly the kind of problem Jesper was faced with when he found Kaz, injured, bleeding and fully in the clutches of a panic attack, up in his chambers above the Crow Club.

The thief stood in the middle of the room, breathing hard, and bleeding quite profusely from a wound to the front of his right shoulder. Even the black coat and black gloves could not hide the amount of blood already staining Kaz's clothes and hands.

"What happened?" Jesper eyed his boss in worry. "Stabbed." The answer was strained and produced with much difficulty. Jesper immediately understood everything about this situation. A stabbing rarely occurred without any kind of physical contact, and therefore not only wounding Kaz's flesh, but also wounding him mentally.

Jesper knew he was in for a challenge now. It was quite easily determined that Kaz's wound could not be left untreated, but exactly how he would get Kaz to let him do that, was a completely mystery still to Jesper.

"Boss, you need to let me have a look at that." Jesper forced himself to remain calm and not mirror Kaz's panic. Kaz still stood in the middle of the room, his eyes pressed tightly shut, and doing his utter best to not completely lose control over himself. But even Jesper could see it was a losing battle. "Don't," Kaz growled under his breath. He swayed ominously on his feet, only held upright by the support of his trusted cane. The swift hand gesture was aimed at Jesper to keep his distance.

But Jesper wasn't letting this go. Either the blood loos or the panic attack would take Kaz out soon enough, but he would rather not stand by and wait until either of those sent Kaz crashing to the floor.

"Kaz, please," Jesper pleaded. All to no avail, although he hadn't really expected it to work. Jesper took a tentative step closer, and immediately wished he hadn't. Kaz reacted as if someone had already laid hands on him, and fled stumbling away across the room, coming to a stop only when the wall prevented him from going any further. There he stood, trembling and taking heaving breaths.

Jesper realised he was further away than ever from Kaz letting him come closer and have a look at that wound. "Boss..." He tried one last time. A plan took shape in his mind, but it was an evil one, and Jesper would hold off on putting that into motion for as long as he could. But so far Kaz wasn't leaving him much choice. This panic attack was the worst Kaz had had in a while, and probably for the first time ever, Jesper didn't know what to say or do to get Kaz to regain control over himself again.

"I said... d--don't..." Kaz growled through clenched jaws. He stood with his back turned to Jesper, both hands spread out wide against the wall to steady himself. Blood dripped from his clothes onto the floor now, and every muscle in his body either trembled or was tensed up to the max.

It was now or never, that much Jesper knew. He had no idea if his plan was going to work, but he had to try something. For Kaz's sake. Kaz would probably hate him for eternity for what he was about to do, but Jesper was willing to take that risk. A mad Kaz was always better than a dead Kaz.

Jesper reluctantly tore his eyes off his boss, and instead focused on the canteen of clear liquid sitting on the corner of Kaz's desk. The average visitor would assume it to be a bottle of liquor, but Jesper knew better. He had only seen it used once, by Inej. A few drops of that stuff on a handkerchief pressed over some guy's nose and mouth, and it was lights out for a few hours. Jesper wasn't quite sure what the liquid was, but he sure knew it was effective.

With fingers feeling like lead for what he was about to do, Jesper took a handkerchief from his pocket and poured a generous amount of the liquid onto the fabric. He had to be sure there was enough on there, because he would probably only get one shot at this.

Jesper slowly turned back to Kaz, handkerchief ready in one hand. It was a cruel kind of luck that Kaz was still completely in the clutches of his panic attack, otherwise Jesper would not have been able to sneak up on him like he did. As he got closer, Jesper could hear the strained, panicked wheezes of Kaz's breaths and saw how Kaz's entire frame shook like a leaf in the wind. "I'm sorry, boss." Jesper hesitated for just a second. "I'm so sorry for this."

The gunslinger moved fast. Almost as if drawing his gun, he whipped his arm around Kaz from behind, instantly pressing the handkerchief firmly over Kaz's mouth and nose.

As expected, Kaz reacted like a wild animal fighting for its life. He pushed himself off the wall, propelling himself back-first into Jesper's chest, and trying to twist out of the gunslinger's iron grip on him. But Jesper had been prepared for this. He didn't want to know how much trauma this raked up for Kaz, but Jesper convinced himself it was for the greater good and maintained the strong hold he had on Kaz's slender frame.

"Come on, Kaz," Jesper pleaded almost desperately, "take a deep breath, and this will all be over soon." Kaz still struggled in his arms, albeit a little less already, but Jesper had the distinct feeling Kaz was holding his breath. He wished nothing more than for this to be over. It pained him to see Kaz this panicked, but he also knew that leaving that wound untreated would probably not end well either. And while conscious, Kaz would surely not let anyone come near enough to treat it.

Relief washed over Jesper when Kaz suddenly gasped under his hand, no longer able to hold in his breath and inhaling a lungful of the fumes from the liquid.

Immediately, Jesper felt Kaz's body start to slack. "That's it," he encouraged, "come on, just a few more breaths." Kaz already didn't fight him anymore, and slowly his entire body went limp. When finally his knees buckled, Jesper quickly moved his arms to catch Kaz. He slowly and carefully moved the thief onto the floor, gently lying him down on his back.

Sitting on his knees beside his now unconscious boss, the weight of guilt already pressed down heavily on Jesper. Kaz would hate his guts for this, he was sure of it. "I'm so sorry," Jesper mumbled again, even though Kaz could impossibly hear him, "so sorry..."

Slowly, Jesper set to work on cleaning and treating Kaz's wound. It was a deep and nasty stab wound, but with proper treatment and rest it was nothing Kaz couldn't survive and heal from.

Jesper truly felt this was the last thing he would ever be allowed to do for Kaz. It was difficult for him to accept that this well-meant act possibly damaged his relationship with Kaz for good, but he would worry about that later. All that mattered for now was that Kaz received treatment, so Jesper silently and swiftly set to work...

---

In the end, Jesper could not get himself to leave until he was absolutely sure Kaz would wake up alright.

Kaz still lay on the floor, although no longer bleeding and now covered by his own coat to ensure he would stay warm. Jesper didn't have the heart to move him. Cleaning and patching up the wound to Kaz's shoulder, meant he had had to touch Kaz's skin much more than he was comfortable with. Not that Kaz had been conscious for any of it, but Jesper couldn't shake the mental picture of Kaz's agony and panic if he had been.

The first signs of Kaz's consciousness returning came a few hours after Jesper had finished treating the wound. He groaned softly, stirring slightly, but not fully moving yet. A flicker of the hearth fire reflected in his eyes as he slowly opened them.

Jesper had been biting his nails bloody while waiting for Kaz to wake up, but now that he saw his boss slowly regain consciousness, Jesper anxiously held his breath and sat deadly still, afraid of what was to come. He had folded himself up on a big leather armchair on the other side of the room, as far away from Kaz as possible, but still within range to see and hear if anything changed in Kaz's condition.

The silence was almost tangible and utterly unbearable until Kaz finally found enough consciousness to speak. "What did you do to me?" His voice sounded slurred and uncharacteristically fragile. Jesper had not moved an inch or made a sound, so how Kaz knew he was there, he didn't know.

Jesper swallowed hard before he spoke. "T--the canteen..." To his surprise, a dark, humorless chuckle rose up from somewhere deep inside Kaz's chest. "Good to know that stuff works," he mumbled sarcastically. "--What?" Jesper frowned, utterly confused now. Was Kaz not angry with him for violating his trust like he had done?

Kaz slowly moved himself onto his side, hissing violently when that made he had to move his injured shoulder. He propped himself up on one elbow, before dragging himself up into a seated position. The effort left him out of breath, in considerable pain and dizzy.

Kaz's eyes effortlessly found Jesper, even in the dimly lit room. The usual unreadable expression was back on Kaz's face, but Jesper, too, saw the vulnerability hiding underneath it. And they both knew Jesper had seen Kaz at his very most vulnerable tonight.

The silence Kaz allowed to fall as he stared at Jesper did nothing to ease the gunslinger's nerves. "So, you're... not..." Jesper stammered. Kaz ran a hand over his weary face, for the first time breaking his eye contact with Jesper. "I don't blame you for choosing to do what you did," he mumbled weakly, "one might even say I'm grateful." "You are?" Jesper unfurled himself and leaned forward in his seat, eyebrows raised in surprise. "Yes," Kaz answered, a self-loathing scowl playing on his face. "For obvious reasons."

Jesper didn't immediately speak, but knew this was Kaz's way of thanking him. "I'm still sorry for it," Jesper finally mumbled. Kaz smirked darkly. "I didn't enjoy it, if that's what you mean, but you did what you had to do." Kaz's hand hovered over his injured shoulder, and Jesper knew Kaz, too, was well aware of the treatment that had been necessary for the wound now neatly covered under bandages. "You didn't leave me much choice," Jesper answered a little uncomfortably still. "I'm well aware." Kaz closed his eyes. He looked only half conscious, feeling the after effects of the drug, the blood loos ánd his panic attack.

Suddenly, Kaz toppled sideways, slumping back onto the floor. Now Jesper was quick out of his seat and on his knees by Kaz's side, but mindful to keep the distance Kaz required.

"You alright, boss?" Jesper looked Kaz over in concern. Kaz was calm, but the general discomfort still radiated off of him. "No," Kaz breathed out, never raising his head off the carpeted floor. "Dizzy, pain..." "Well, you were stabbed and most likely lost over a pint of blood." Jesper spoke half mockingly in the way only he could. "You need rest. Even though that's a word you haven't much familiarity with."

Kaz huffed, but accepted defeat. No matter how much he hated it, he probably wouldn't be able to stand on his feet anyway. Saints, he couldn't even sit up without collapsing back onto the floor!

"Do you need help moving to a more comfortable spot?" Jesper asked softly. "No, I'm alright here for now," Kaz mumbled back. He knew Jesper meant well, but he couldn't bear the thought of anymore hands touching him. And without help or support, he surely wasn't able to move an inch. So, for now, he chose the floor. "Anything else you need?" Jesper watched Kaz slowly close his eyes. His boss' strength was rapidly giving out on him, whether Kaz wanted to or not.

Kaz took a while before responding, and Jesper actually suspected him to have slipped off into either sleep or unconsciousness. "Stay..." Kaz finally mumbled, barely audible, but Jesper heard it. "Sure," Jesper answered quietly, "I'm not going anywhere."

He would stay here with Kaz and watch over him, of course he would. Jesper moved back to the armchair. No matter how long Kaz wanted him to stay, Jesper would do so without protest. He watched Kaz lying on the floor on the other end of the room, the light from the hearth fire flickering across his face. The slow, deep breaths meant Kaz was at ease.

Kaz would be alright. They would be alright, Jesper knew that now. And even though he still felt a sting of guilt for what he had had to do, all that mattered now was that Kaz would be fine.

Writing masterlist Make a request from my prompts list

[streaminn]

Was just thinking of a headcanon for #hermitenidau. What if when Wednesday realized that Enid was the one, Enid had already managed to find happiness elsewhere. Much like Wednesday's husband, Tara looks very similar to her. But what adds to the pain is that Enid only noticed after falling in love with her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After so much pain and suffering, she finds herself gathering enough broken pieces to be able to offer, once again, something that on the best of days bears resemblance to a heart.

It catches Enid off guard. She had already settled for an empty life, merely paying her dues until her body gave out, until her walking carcass finally stilled.

And then, she smiled. It had been so long since she felt the curving at the ends of her mouth that, at first, it didn't even register. Until she noticed a long forgotten warmth permeating her chest. After God only knows how many years, she felt something that wasn't hollowness or anguish.

The situation had been so unserious. Enid was slumped against her favoured seat at the local bar, nursing her fourth double scotch of the night, when it happened. To her right, a petite young woman appeared to be suffering through unsolicited and undesired advice. Her back was to Enid and right in front of her looked to be a socially unaware dipshit. By the looks of it, his dim-witted contribution to the one-sided conversation seemed only to be outshined by his sleazy appearance. His scalp appeared to be composed of more gel than hair, his buttoned shirt was opened to his navel and the pungent stench of cheap cologne was stifling to a normal human, let alone a grownass werewolf.

"Ya know, you're pretty hot. You'd look even hotter if your arms weren't so hairy." The absolute buffoon spouted.

For a brief moment, the woman seemed to still, as if the obviously unimportant counsel had struck her more harshly than expected, a potencial insecurity having been prodded. And maybe that was what propelled Enid to intervene, the familiar paralysing shock of hurt from destructive criticism.

"If you think her arms are hairy, you should see my ass." The werewolf piped up.

The reaction was instantaneous, the combination of a snort and a guffaw exited the lady, whilst her pursuer choked on an ill-timed swig of beer. Even the lurking bartender wheezed at the umprompted commentary.

If asked what happened next, most patrons would respond with 'friday night entertainment'. Enid disagreed, for her, it was the beginning of the end.

In a short interval of time, several things occurred - the girl turned around, eager to identify her rescuer, with one of the most beatiful dimpled smiles Enid had ever seen; the impudent cretin thought it fit to threaten assault on the werewolf and a sudden wave of silence percolated the bar.

"The fuck do you think you ar-" Came out of the man, hand fisted in the front of Sinclair's shirt, only to be interrupted by the slow, continuous rise of its victim. The imbecil could only follow the werewolf's movement, dread quickly making its way down his gullet.

You see, Enid Sinclair is by all intents and purposes an anassuming individual. Tipically seen slouched and clothed mostly with loose-fitting wear. So, naturally, the man imagined her to be an average, meek woman. That assumption was quickly shattered as he gawked at the small mountain of a person. She had, at the very least, half a head on him and the calloused mitten of a hand that encircled his own, told of an umatched power. The odds were not on his favour.

"Want me to take out the trash?" Enid questioned the bartender. A quick thumbs up accompanied by a smirk was answer enough.

It was truly majestic the way the werewolf tightened a hand to the man's scruff and another to the back of his jeans effortlessly sweeping him off his feet. The walk to the entrance was as unhurried as could be and once the double the threshold of the double door was reached, the squirming bag of entitlement was quick to take flight, landing head first onto the old metal bench on the other side of the road.

Once Enid made sure his landing site did not block the pathway, she returned to her waiting scotch, another right next to it, on the house of course. Upon sitting, she downed her glass and rose the new one to the grinning bartender, in appreciation.

A "Hi." made its way to the werewolf's ear. She turned, coming face-to-face to what she now noticed was the shorter than expected target of obnoxious flirtation. "Thank you. For what you did. Witnessing his removal was worth the interaction." She giggled.

"It's fine. Rodrigo" Enid nodded at the bartender "pays me a commission per garbage disposal" raising her glass.

The woman's smile seemed to brighten, her dimple even more pronounced. She struck her hand out. "I'm Tara."

"Enid." The werewold returned the handshake.

"So..." A blend of amusement and curiosity shone on Tara's eyes. "How hairy exactly is your ass?"

Whatever sentence Enid expected to come out of the shorter woman's mouth, this was not it. So unexpected it was, she couldn't stop the curl of her lips.

Enid paused for moment, realizing that for the first time in a really long while she felt a spark of enjoyment.

"Let me take you out to dinner and I can show you." A blush and a grin bloomed on her face.

-green tiger

HELLO?? ENID/TARA CONTENT??

Tara gasps, a hand to her mouth in obvious fake surprise "On the first date Ms. Trash taker!?"

Enid shrugs, a smile that she knows is way too obnoxious to be true on her face. "I can be a ms. Tara taker if you'd like."

"lets see after the third date," Tara says, winking and woah, there's just something about her smile that has a feeling burning in Enid's stomach.

"I'd like that."

[bb-bare-bones]

Based on a True Story: The Conjuring and Writing Real Horror

Art and Words by Charlotte Elliott - Instagram: c.elli03

The Conjuring Franchise has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. There has always been something oddly alluring about the cursed doll of Anabelle bearing a bloody red grin; the shape of The Nun forming in the shadows of a dark abbey; a possessed child rasping in tongues while Ed Warren condemns the spirit back to hell. It’s a classic example of modern mainstream Hollywood horror.

When people learn I’m doing my PhD in horror studies, they often keenly ask me for recommendations. In blank panic, unfortunately, I forget every ‘good’ piece of horror media to ever exist. I forget my beloved Gremlins or Midsommar or The Thing. Never once have I admitted that The Conjuring has always been on my comfort list. Honestly, it’s kind of embarrassing.

It’s not the cheap jumpscares, or lacklustre storytelling. Sometimes, it’s nice to indulge in predictability. And sure, there’s the not-so-subtle message of conservatism. I can look past that, albeit grudgingly.

As a writer, the reason I feel weird about liking The Conjuring is its fabrication. Of course, no one expected Ed and Lorraine Warren - played by Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga - to be as perfectly vanilla as their on-screen counterparts. I’m certain most people roll their eyes as supposed demonologist Ed performs a house-shaking exorcism, whilst Lorraine has a convenient vision that reveals the last piece of the puzzle.

But who could blame Hollywood for ramping it up to make a profit? Isn’t that the crux of what horror and entertainment is all about? Profit, profit, profit. Facts go out the window when there’s an audience to entertain.

When I first became interested in horror based on ‘truth’, I tried my hand at writing my own dramatic short story based upon an alleged ‘real’ haunting. My source of inspiration was the Ancient Ram Inn in Gloucestershire, England. The Ram Inn self-proclaims to be a location of numerous historical true hauntings, presented as indisputable fact. The Inn’s website says there are Norman French records of the 800-year-old property, citing the Gloucester Records Office.

When researching, I couldn’t find any public records on the local archive database. Many websites described the Inn’s ‘true historical crimes’: a woman burned for witchcraft, a man murdered after his head was forced into the fireplace, an innkeeper’s daughter killed upstairs - if you believe hauntedrooms.com. In The Daily Mail, the former owner’s daughter, Carole Humphries, recounted “people running out of the house screaming”, stating “objects move… we used to hear the ghosts of murdered children''. Her father John told the BBC eight guests had to be exorcised.

The website boasts that the Ram Inn is built on ancient Pagan ritual grounds excavated by Bristol University. However, no academic records exist. I even contacted Dr. Stuart Prior, who is responsible for excavations in the Gloucestershire area. He said this claim is “certainly not related to any of the archeology [here]. I’ve never even heard of the Ram Inn''.

Not unlike The Conjuring stories, localised horror legends that claim to be based on truth are milked to generate profit. During my writing, I came to the conclusion that the Ram Inn’s original alleged victims cannot be vouched for. Especially thanks to questionable internet sources. Whatever the truth is in Gloucestershire, the Ram Inn still helped to inspire a (very average) short story. And it isn’t hurting anyone by claiming a spooky history.

The same cannot necessarily be said about The Conjuring. It’s not about the filmmakers ‘tricking’ the audience into thinking these events occurred. It’s not about the desire to profit from a fanciful story. Presenting ‘truth’ in film is dicey at best (where do you draw the line?). But this isn’t a criticism about cinematic accuracy.

My big issue with The Conjuring is not its extreme creative licence. The Nun II seriously goes as far to imply Lorraine Warren is a descendant of Saint Lucy. Sure, whatever. What I find uncomfortable is that The Conjuring presents the Warrens as the perfect Godly couple. In reality, they were crooks taking advantage of vulnerable people.

The latest instalment of the franchise, The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021), covers the trial of Arne Johnson. In 1981, the Warrens did try and get off a man convicted of manslaughter by using demonic possession as a defence. Although an interesting premise for a movie, The Conjuring unquestionably excuses Johnson’s actions by literally presenting ‘the devil made me do it’ argument. The Conjuring and The Conjuring 2 merely follow ghostly hauntings; the third film takes it one step further by disrespecting a real victim, Johnson’s landlord Alan Bono.

When I researched the Ancient Ram Inn, it seemed that the ghosts were so far back in history that no one knew the whole story anymore. Perhaps now, you can just claim anything. Unlike the Inn, The Conjuring films take place between the 1970s-1980s. It’s recent enough that we can decisively analyse the erasure of the ugly truth.

Ed and Lorraine Warren were terrible people that should not be given grace. They conducted paranormal investigations to scam people by citing false ‘scientific methods’. Ed had an affair with a girl who was only fifteen. Allegedly, Lorraine encouraged the girl to have an abortion (resulting from her relationship with Ed) to protect the Warrens’ reputation. There was also alleged domestic violence in the family.

The Conjuring has contributed a false legacy. For a couple so devoted to Catholicism and denouncing evil, the Warrens had no problem profiting from fake science and baseless clairvoyance. Meanwhile, they were supposedly engaging in domestic abuse and pedophilia. It is clear from any basic Google search that the Warrens were not even close to the wholesome power couple we see on screen.

For anyone writing about horror “based on a true story”, I encourage you to think about The Conjuring as an example of how storytelling can be harmful. Very few people believe in an exaggerated - well, downright invented - ghost story. Especially when you swear it really happened. Deep down, the audience knows the writing is for profit and entertainment. Even my silly little Ram Inn story was mostly fictitious, despite all that research. When depicting real subjects, writers have a responsibility to be considerate when real victims are involved. On top of that, it should go without saying that it’s in poor taste to glorify dreadful people, criminals, and/or con artists. Shamefully - although I like to flick it on for an easy watch - The Conjuring contributes to the problematic legacy of the Warrens as heroes against the horrors.