#is this because of my adhd or do I have a concerning memory issue

[helianthusamoenus]

I have no object permanence. If something, or someone, isn’t in my near sight or grasp, I’ll eventually end up forgetting about it, or them. It’s terrible to deal with, since I tend to lose stuff- and people.

It’s a lie when I promise to remember someone who’s leaving or traveling. I won’t. I eventually will if there’s something that evokes their presence to my brain, like a specific color, flower, song, etcetera. But otherwise, they will be forgotten until they text me, call me or come back. And it sucks, because I need to capture my memories in pictures who will come back to me as to not forget my life happenings. I need to photograph or draw important events and people in my life to not forget them. I need to record their voices; laughing, singing or talking, as to not forget what our conversations were like. My elders often complain that I never call them, or that I do it infrequently. And I apologize, only to forget, them arguing with me, me feeling like the worst person ever and the cycle repeating each and every time. It probably won’t change. And I hate it.

I try to make myself the habit to check up on others in frequent periods of time, but I always end up doing so after something else reminds me of them and triggers their presence in my mind, going in a “oh, right, they exist!” thought. And it has no filters. I forget about my family, friends and even myself. Hell, if I don’t look in a mirror frequently I forget that I’m… there. That I’m a person, a presence in this universe. And I hate it. I hate it so much. I try to be a good daughter, niece and friend. But the lack of permanence in everything just ruins it all for me. So, I manage to make everything about my loved ones. Playlists with songs that remind me of friends. Pinterest boards of flowers, colors and aesthetics regarding a specific person. Characters that channel someone’s energy for me to remember them. I need to remember. I need to be reminded. Otherwise, my brain would be perfectly content in a loop of things that only involve me and what I’m doing in the moment. And it’s cruel to them. I feel cruel. I feel selfish. But it’s hard to change what’s already set up in my brain since birth whether I like it or not.

It makes me fear my mind when I get old. Will I end up forgetting about everything and everyone outside of the room I’ll be in a certain moment? Will I fail to evoke my dear ones’ presences in external stimuli, forever condemned to never be remembered again? Will I end up becoming the disdainful, uncaring and egotistical being I dread to look like now?

[thescreamcorner]

Sometimes it's really really concerning how much anti-psychiatry and anti-recovery rhetoric exists-- and for once I'm not just talking about endos, but even within the OSDDID internetsphere, especially in actively pro self dx circles. It's not to say that you can't or shouldn't work on things away from a healthcare team, but with chronic and intensely debilitating disorders it is rare, if not impossible to fully be "fine" without help.

Like. If you're experiencing dissociative amnesia or memory/identity issues in general (even when caused by things as innocuously treated online like ADHD if it's at a debilitating level), you NEED someone who isn't affected by those things in order to have a sense of grounding and heal. And it's vital for that to be someone who has a baseline understanding of how dissociative disorders work.

My caseworker calls are sometimes the only thing giving me any sense of the passage of time, and she remembers things during calls that I completely forget or dissociate through. Not even my partner can consistently provide this because of her time blindness, vs the professional who reaches out, doesn't have a disorder affecting her memory, and takes notes during our calls.

My therapy visits, as infrequent as they've been lately, are some of the only reason why we've made progress toward one of our alters no longer making contact with our abusers when she fronts, and that fight isn't over yet. My partner can't stop her from doing it-- she'll wait until they're asleep. They also don't have the resources or bandwidth to address with her why doing this is bad, and if they intervene incorrectly it increases the chance that one day I wake up in another state.

I get from firsthand experience that healthcare, especially in the US, is notoriously inaccessible, and in some places the facilities available are full of inexperienced, incompassionate tools who don't care about their patients. But instead of using that as an excuse to stop trying, instead of pushing others into not seeking care and not trusting doctors, that needs to get channeled into finding and providing resources.

Many states have government funded healthcare available for those below the poverty line. Many facilities offer payment scaling plans even without insurance. A fair amount of insurance companies that "don't cover this" will make exceptions if you go through other channels and get professional referrals. It's not easy, it's not always free, and it's not fast. For those underage, it may be awhile before you can legally access it.

But for the love of all that is sacred on this burning planet, do NOT discourage trauma survivors from trying to get psychiatric help over the potential of a bad experience or a bad doctor. You are not helping people heal and learn to love themselves. You are creating paranoia and enforcing a regressive mentality that can prevent someone from reaching out before its too late.

[bonefall]

Since the ask box commands to vote Bumble in that tourament (which I did, cuz she was SCREWED over to the extreme) could you talk a whole lot about BB!Bumble's dyspraxia? Since we are talking about the *everything in canon* she got for the High Crime of being a fat foreigner woman and abuse victm in warrior cats, let's talk about the universe where we add disabled to her list of High Crimes but she isnt done dirty as balls(sorry if all this is worded weird)

Plus, I'm personally having issues writing a dyspraxic character (mostly because i kinda suck at absorbing information about things like disability when not using characters as exemples) and you've really helped me in the past with making characters with BPD, so it would be personally useful in character making

(Sorry if I'm rude, I deeply respect your work and it greatly inspires me, especially Clanmew)

All righty! BB!Bumble's dyspraxia!

First off, for newcomers;

WHY I ADDED DYSPRAXIA TO BUMBLE

In canon, Bumble is called a fat, useless kittypet, before being dragged back to her domestic abuser. She then dies while trying to survive on her own, starved to the point of emaciation before Clear Sky murders her.

A very common fandom response to this is essentially, "shes NOT useless! She could hunt/fight if you taught her!" And a lot of AUs will have her survive, learning how to be Truly Useful with all the same skills as everyone else.

I won't lie; I think that's very disappointing.

You're not refuting the rotten heart of this ideology, you're just doing what DOTC already does with Jagged Peak. You're AGREEING. You're saying she WOULD be useless if she couldn't hunt or fight like a wild cat, giving her Coolgirl Badass moments to haha embarass her bigots, and Actually the only problem here is that they didn't give her a chance.

What if they GAVE her that chance, and she COULDN'T hunt or fight like them? Would it be okay to send the battered housewife back to her domestic abuser? Hopefully fucking not!

Let's be frank; None of the groups in DOTC are starving. Not even after the prey sickness pandemic.

"Starvation Rhetoric" is an excuse, only ever rolled out by monsters like Clear Sky as justification for stealing land, murder, and throwing out cats the groups deem unworthy of life.

Yet, this gets rolled out for Bumble specifically, by the MOOR CATS, who are supposed to be opposing his ideology.

And that's where I'm starting from.

Okay. What if she couldn't perform physically like other cats?

What if she was part of a group that DID have real concerns about not having enough food?

How does Bumble herself cope with her feelings, and her desire to help her friends and contribute to a group that loves her?

Let's go through all that, and attack the heart of the idea. In fact, we're going to be doing a lot of it, with a significant portion of early ThunderClan being disabled cats.

(Thunder Storm has three legs. Bright Storm has asthma. Sunlit Frost loses the use of both front paws and ends up with chronic pain.)

Bumble's Dyspraxia

The first thing to know about dyspraxia (or DCD, Developmental Coordination Disorder) is that it comes in a LOT of different forms. The next thing to know is that it's RIDICULOUSLY common. Some estimates say 5% of the population has it-- 1 in 20 people.

It's heavily associated with autism and ADHD. The "classic" symptoms are general clumsiness and motor control issues, like having a hard time tying shoes. But these are also symptoms of dyspraxia;

Short-term memory issues, but not long-term

Being constantly covered in bumps and bruises

Having a hard time telling lefts and rights

Difficulties holding pencils or writing in general

"Wobbliness" including tripping mid-step or tripping over your own feet

Issues in the acquisition of "muscle memories," being slow to acquire physical skills.

Stuttering and taking long pauses before responding to someone else speaking

Most dyspraxics won't have all of these, these are symptoms. Not a checklist.

My partner describes theirs as like "constantly working with cold hands through a layer of gloves." The stiffness of being in a freezer, paired with the general delay of having a cover over your skin.

Mine is more focused on the mental side, acquiring new skills is unnaturally difficult, my reaction time is delayed, and I stumble into things.

Every person with dyspraxia is different, but what links us is that we're uncoordinated. We can't help it, telling us to try harder or pay more attention doesn't work. We aren't being careless-- our brains don't send signals to our bodies properly.

I'm basing Bumble's off my own. Her mate, Turtle Heart, shows her over and over how to hunt. It never sticks. She tries to pick up battle moves from Thunder Storm to help defend herself from Clear Sky's goons. It doesn't work.

She's really trying, she really is. The Moor group quickly loses patience with her, and Bumble is well aware that she's only tolerated on Turtle Heart's vouch. Her worst fears come true when Tom steals their children, and her mate is killed trying to retreive them.

That messes with her, and makes her believe that she really is worthless and a burden.

ThunderClan was FOUNDED on Thunder Storm's fury, breaking off his supporters to retreive her from exile, and Bumble's struggle with self-worth begins in earnest.

There's one thing she's confident about, and really loves. Bumble is trilingual, outgoing, and confident in her ability to talk to others. That's what she can add, and what she wants to do.

ThunderClan is different. It works with every strength and weakness of its members, and values diplomacy to keep it afloat against the odds. Bumble really is needed, but eventually even her translation work becomes less special as more kits grow up bilingual. Eventually, this too feels taken from her.

And then it's back to square one. Her mate is gone, one of her kits betrayed her, Owl Eyes is a big strong man who doesn't need his mum anymore. She's left with her fumbling paws, taking more from the pile than she puts in.

One can only hope she realizes that ThunderClan was born out of love for her. That it was never about what she could add. She didn't have to confront it in the main story because so much was happening, but as peace settles over the forest, it's time for her to start to unpack that idea.

[insipid-drivel]

This is a heads up for my disabled, ADHD, fat, and chronically ill followers that may have to deal with injuries and topical infections! This stuff is awesome for if you have to look after a wound that you can't easily reach or clean multiple times a day.

Gentian Violet is a non-prescription topical antibacterial liquid that contains a blue skin-dying agent. My wound care doctor is fat, and his patients are largely bed-bound, bariatric, or otherwise can't keep up with rigorous wound-cleaning and bandaging routines for stuff like injuries or flareups of cellulitis infections.

This stuff stings pretty bad at first when it's applied and stains your skin a really potent blue color. Once the Gentian dries and dyes your skin, it means that you have a painted-on antibiotic membrane over your wound that you don't have to bandage, and keeps its seal on your wound for TWO DAYS. That includes with regular showering/bathing.

If you have memory issues, this stuff is fantastic. Not only does it stay active and killing bacteria for 2 days, but the reason the stuff is dyed so potently is so you remember to reapply it when the dye fades. When the dye starts to show your regular skin through again? Time too reapply!

If you have motion, mobility, or fatigue problems, this stuff is fantastic. Especially if you're looking after a wound that's in a tricky place to keep clean all the time without having to fully shower, you can literally use cotton swabs (no double-dipping, please! It's not sanitary!!!) to paint the area, and don't have to concern yourself with it again for another couple of days, giving you extra time to rest and heal, and more time to avoid feeling overwhelmed and panicked because you're "not taking good enough care" of it.

If you're allergic to bandage adhesives or get contact dermatitis from wound dressings, this stuff is great. Sometimes an injury or wound needs dressing just for the sake of the healing process rather than avoiding infection, but for ones where that isn't a concern for you, Gentian is a really good alternative for if Stuff That Cuts Off Air To Your Skin gives you problems.

All in all? It stings like hell at first, but my actual doctor told me that he regularly treats patients with full-limb wounds, and they suffer no ill effects for having large portions of their bodies painted with it instead of bandages and gauze.

If it seems like it might be helpful for you, please do talk to your doctor about it. In my state, it's non-prescription and my doctor gave me my bottle for free. Just be careful with using new medical products, and always remember that it's okay to say, "I can't do that easily. I'm disabled. Can you please provide alternatives for me?" when it comes to medical staff pushing you into care regimens that are more destructive than healing for you.

[coldmori]

conclusion on impersonation situation:

edit, basic rundown of what happened:

today i saw a post that looked like it was mine but had no recolection of making at all, this made me spiral (i talk about why i sprialed in next indent) since there was another post from a few days ago that i also didnt remeber making that someone asked me about ("you said bluntmori was canon" ask)

clicking on the profile was confusing since the format was the exact same if you didnt look closely at some words so it took me a while to figure out what the fuck was actually happening, and by then i was already sprialing

after making a callout post and some good friends making several asks to them to stop impersonating someone on a discord server confessed that they had impersonated me as a joke (the joke being that they would say things so uncharacteristic to me that you'd know they're a fake account, but not meant to serve hate towards me or mock me in any way)

impersonation blog has been deleted

imperssionation blog was not an actual attempt to steal my identitiy, rather a really poorly executed joke

impersonator have me an apology on discord, which i thought was acceptable and genuine

i am okay mentally

i have been calming down for a bit, the identity crisis has been sorted

i now less paranoid about my memory now that i know another person had posted those and that my memory isnt slipping

some may ask about the memory issues:

i have shit memory but because its litteraly impossible to get diagnosed with anything these days by a medical perfessional i only have specualtion as to why (and i do not know my family history)

leading theory is adhd

ive been concerned with my memory since ive noticed a decline (or possibly just paranoia + stress i am not sure) and i felt very scared when i had seen a post that looked like it was from me but i did not remeber making, since i usually have vauge memory of all posts

and my anxiety is relived knowing that his person did not have malace or was not using my "fame" to redirect to any of their social medias ex: linking their own kofi/patreon/youtube channel/tumblr/etc.

dispite feeling better i still will need time

coldmori will be on hiatus for a small while and i will mainly be off the internet

dont harrass the impersonator

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Rant under the cut

At the time this posts, I will have had an appointment with a new PCP, discussing several medical concerns that I’ve encountered in recent years.

I feel scared. Scared that I’m wrong, scared that I’m right. And angry. Angry, both at the systems that require me to work past what I can handle and beg for help, and at my body, for not being able to hold me up. I’m ashamed of how much I am capable of doing. I’m ashamed of the recovery time I need. I’m ashamed that I’m still grappling with this internalized ableism, because obviously I would never say this shit to a friend about their needs or capabilities. And yet. Here I am. Thinking this about myself.

There was a comic I came across on here, years ago, about a person struggling with depression. They compared themself to a chipped tea cup: damaged and in need of repair, but not damaged enough to warrant immediate or intense repair. Like the chips in a cup, their symptoms were mild enough that they could be ignored or left untreated. They were still functional, albeit not as well, and not without issues. As a result, they felt small and shunted aside, both afraid of taking up space in depression communities, and angry that their clinicians and peers kept saying “it could be worse! you’re so functional! you don’t need (insert treatment here).”

I feel a lot of solidarity with this person’s experience in this moment.

I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. Google searches give me several answers which vaguely fit some of my symptoms, but nothing fits all of them. Either they fit the bill nominally but are way more severe than what I have going on, or they have a bunch of other symptoms I don’t have. I’ve looked at pages for so many chronic pain related disorders by now, and I still don’t have anything I can walk into the office with and say “I think something like this might be going on”.

When I was getting my autism diagnosis, I knew I was autistic. By that point, I’d known for over a year. It was just a matter of getting a clinician to verify it, so I could access accommodations. This is an entirely different beast. Everything I have is vague and hard to explain. I don’t have any diagnosis that I know of to reference, or another person like me to ask questions to. I don’t have EDS, at least. I’m not nearly that stretchy. That, at least, is easy-ish to check. I probably don’t have POTS, or PCOS, or endometriosis. That’s all the things I know my friends have. Beyond that, I can’t really ask people for their personal experiences with their own disabilities and compare notes. Because it’s incredibly invasive to ask random strangers about their medical history. But with my autism diagnosis, I knew several people who were already self-dx or professionally diagnosed with autism. I could easily talk about my experiences and compare it to theirs. It was easy to tell my clinician what was going on, because I’d already explained it and been told “yeah that sounds right for me, too”. People already knew. There was a lot of external validation for my experiences. It was a lot easier to trust myself, knowing that people I was close to agreed with me.

Now, I don’t have that luxury. Yes, my friends believe me, but they also don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. Nobody does.

And then there’s the added wrinkle of coming to terms with my existing dissociative symptoms, which have possibly been going on for years without me recognizing them as dissociative, because I explained them away by “just being tired/loopy” or “ADHD memory gaps lol”. Working on mitigating my dissociation made my pain symptoms immediately and measurably worse. I have the dual-pronged issue of not being properly aware of my body’s condition, and losing large chunks of time and memory to something I can’t really control.

How do I even give a timeline for how long I’ve been in pain, given that? Or a baseline level? Do I just draw on post-grounding data?

I’ve been making a google doc with a list of everything I can think of. Hopefully I can give that to my doctor, and it’ll be more helpful.

And what if it’s something that isn’t easily fixed, or is poorly understood? Like fibromyalgia? Am I just screwed? I have a future I’ve been working towards. I want to get a PhD and join a clinical practice. I want to move to a new city where my friends are and get a job there and afford my rent. If I actually do have something beyond normal aches and pains, will I be able to do that? What if it’s something progressive, and I have to move back in with my parents? I won’t have a partner to rely on in the future to help take care of me if I need it. I know this is already the reality for a lot of people, and I don’t mean to imply that their lives aren’t worth living, or that they’re tragic figures for needing full-time care. I mean that, for me, moving in with my parents would limit or reverse a lot of the things in my life that currently bring me joy.

And all of this is assuming that I’m not making this up, or exaggerating or hyper focusing on normal life events and conditions, and that this new doctor believes me even if I’m right. Yeah, I was in a lot of pain after standing up for hours at a concert, but wasn’t everybody? Yes, I’m still sore two days later, but isn’t that normal? Yes, my fingers, wrist, and elbow are all sore and tingly hours after doing homework; I was coloring a lot. Maybe my pencil grip is just bad? Maybe it was just a lot of work? It did take me 4 hours. Yes, I run out of energy quickly and want to lay down after one or two big tasks, like grocery shopping or going to class. Doesn’t everyone get tired running errands? What’s the threshold for being tired? What if this is just an autism/sensory thing?

Honestly I’ll be lucky if I can get to even ask these questions. I’ll be happy to get this doctor to look past the number on the scale and actually recommend me something besides cutting down on sugar and carbs.

I guess the central conflict is, I need to somehow convince a stranger to believe me, and I don’t even know if I believe myself. Heaven help me. We’ll see what happens.

[luesmainblog]

thinking about how growing up none of my family knew much about autism or adhd and didn't really know the signs, and then thinking about all the signs i was showing, and how they were responded to as a result of that lack of knowledge. i had a terrible memory as a kid, but only for some things. one thing that really fucked me up was homework. i would do it - my teacher once even admitted i was handing in A+ work - but i couldn't remember to turn it in. the organization methods that were supposed to help just got me more frustrated because they didn't fix the object permanence issue. i was getting lower scores because they were turned in so much later (which is fucked up btw, i get that y'all wanna incentivise getting things in on time but no amount of lateness should turn an A+ into a fucking C, that is ridiculous and you know it, teachers.) and getting AWFUL scores because of all the missing work, and me and my parents couldn't seem to figure out out. and after a while, dad started to assume malice. he knew i could do the work, he knew i had organization tools, and SURELY it was not THAT hard to just turn the darn papers in, so... maybe i was doing it on purpose? for attention? when i look back on our dynamic growing up, i think that very much did effect how he interacted with me. the idea of the troublesome kid likely clouded how he assumed the intentions behind other things. the thing is, i always gave the same reasons. "i forgot" and "i don't know, i'm sorry". and looking back on it.... it's normal to hear that every so often, but when it's becoming an active problem and your kid keeps saying they just forgot, that indicates they are struggling with memory more than they should be. but that idea never occured to any of us, because why would we be watching a healthy 11 year old for memory problems? i know overdiagnosis and overmedication is a problem in some places. i know people get nervous about making every single thing their kid does a Symptom. but please... if this story sounds familiar to you? suggest that they get the kid checked out, specifically with memory issues as a concern. the kid might say they remember just fine; they wouldn't know, they don't know what it's LIKE to remember normally and they don't remember all the times they've forgotten. if you're not sure how that works, please observe the question "do you have a problem wearing socks?". the short answer is, it's very easy to assume your experience is normal and not have it come to mind.

i will say that in some ways i'm glad i didn't get tested young, because the legal restraints on autistic people are fucking ridiculous and i've made the conscious choice - thankfully respected by my therapist - that i don't want that on my medical record. but i wish we'd known enough to know that i should be looking at resources for what helps kids with adhd. yaknow?

[in-sufficientdata]

The worst time in my life was when I was still in the cult and I had 4 little kids ages 6 and under. The church taught me to deal with my mental health issues by prayer, not meds, so I was not treated for my bipolar II and what was probably pretty severe PPD.

I was never diagnosed as having PPD, so I don't really know if it was that or a severe downswing on my bipolar caused by the hormones + my situation, but really, it doesn't matter. It just matters that I was barely hanging on by a thread.

When my 4th child was born, it was in the summer between the two years of my husband attending college for his associate's degree. Since I had to leave work to have the baby he was working as much as he could. I had to take all 4 kids with me grocery shopping and everything else.

One day I was doing my paper route and I could only think about how much I hated everything that was happening to me. I felt incredible despair. I pulled my van up to an intersection and realized a box truck was trying to turn left where I was pulled up.

I put the van in reverse and backed up to make room. I didn't think to look in my rearview. I almost never saw other vehicles on that street, and this was in 4 years of having that paper route. I backed into the car behind me rather abruptly and rather hard.

A woman came out of the car screaming that I was careless and a bad driver. She mentioned having children in her car. She cursed at me. But there was no visible damage, so we got in our vehicles and drove away. I don't remember saying much. I could barely hold myself together.

Reader, if someone could will themselves to die on the spot, I would have died that day. I have never felt such hopelessness and despair. I'm trying to find better words because these seem inadequate. I hated the paper route, I hated that I had so many kids, I hated being poor.

This period of my life is rather blank in my memory. I continued pushing on somehow. I don't know how. Thankfully we eventually got to a place, not long after, where we didn't need that $50 a week I got from that paper route so desperately anymore.

I can only think I have some kind of tenacity I don't even fathom in myself because, and this is no exaggeration, I thought about death and/or suicide on a daily basis from the age of 8 until I was around 35. But this was when it was the very worst.

I made a tweet yesterday that people found amusing about being the mother of 6. It's got way more likes than anything else I've ever posted on Twitter.

Every time it alerts me I think about being poor and being in a cult and being taught I shouldn't medicate for my mental illnesses. I think about being depressed and being suicidal and being unable to concentrate on anything but the next 5 minutes.

I don't know why I'm rambling about this except that someone I follow here just got a diagnosis of autism. When I saw her tweet I just burst into tears because my psych won't look at screening me for that, even though I presented him with my reasons for wanting to pursue it.

Because the thing is that he is the one who helped me get out of that hell pit of not being diagnosed or treated for bipolar II until I was 31, nor ADHD until I was 36. He has been a huge part of my life and now it feels like when I was in the cult and was taught I should just pray.

And now I have to just go find another psych who will listen to my concerns and my reasons for wanting to pursue this.

This hurts.

[makeallthingsyours]

I recently read the post about Vulcans responding to humans with Anixety and loved how that was spun into Vulcans taking mental health super seriously. It made me then wonder how Vulcans would respond to their ADHD human co worker/neighbors...mostly because I love the positives of the chaotic ADHD mind and its strengths, but it comes with a lot of annoying struggles that Vulcan discipline, logic and accepting grace might do wonders for.

Like, I am talking 'human forgets to eat, has trouble with their emotions, hyper focuses then can't focus worth shit, procrastinating then crunch time panic works the problem, jumping six topics in one sentence while walking around the room multiple times because they lost the tool currently in their hand' kind of person

Thoughts?

Certainly. Here they are. ( I do not have much experience with such issues, and would deeply apperciate if anyone better versed in ADHD commented whether this is to any extent realistic, besides the obvious presence of aliens.)

At large, in some cases, the structured, controlled way of life appeals to humans. For many, Vulcan society is one they can find peace in. For other people, the ritualized, calm life is hard to bear even briefly. Here, however, I would like to focus more on one on one interaction.

Firstly, in the beginning things could go in different ways.

If the particular Vulcan doesn't have much experience with humans or maybe they don't know much about other species in general , so they assume that this is just how homo sapiens behave. They get rather confused when the human mentions that they have a mental condition, because, spare for the issues mentioned above, they are clearly a functional member of society that, in the end, gets things done. The Vulcan's respect for the coping mechanisms that person does have is tremendous. They are still slightly confused about how common such conditions are in humans, so when they meet another human, without ADHD, they are confused, again.

If they do know a little bit about humans, they could become very concerned upon realizing that they have such severe issues. (By Vulcan standards, things such as memory problems would be classified as rather serious.) They could employ the strategy I mentioned in the previous post, read, forcibly dragging them to a Mind Healer because they clearly need help.

In a different case, when the Vulcan is familiar with humans and maybe shares a closer relationship with the person in question, I think they could offer to teach them what they could of Vulcan disciplines, hoping that they could help.

Now, I am not certain how well that would take. If the Vulcan chose straightforwardness and explained something along the lines of

'I see you are struggling with some things. My people in general struggle with things that are similar in some aspects, but different in others. Would you like me to show you our ways of coping with these things, so you can see if some of them could work for you?'

it could go decently, maybe even very well. However, as we know, while Vulcans can be blunt, being straightforward is not necessarily their forte, thus, they could try to 'nudge' the human towards solutions they think could work for them instead (because they work for Vulcans) and the results of that could vary.

-Inviting them for hours long meditation sessions? Certainly.

-Trying to be particularly unemotional and controlled around them. (Vulcans are telepathic, and if someone is struggling with their emotions, it is generally considered helpful to maintain very rigid control around them, so they wouldn't be disturbed further.)

-Supplying them with books about Vulcan disciplines, meditation lamps, incense, etc. without any explanation. (No harm done here, but it could be confusing.)

- From the lack of better ideas trying to employ the same tactics their parents used to teach them basic discipline on their, very much adult, friend. Imagine:

"What time is it?"

"You asked me like...five minutes ago."

"Nine minutes five seconds. So what time is it now?"

or

"How did it make you feel?"

"Bad."

"And precisely?"

"Uhhh....frustrated? Tell me why are we talking about my feelings once again?"

- And finally suggesting solutions that do work for Vulcans, but are slightly incompatible with humans in general, such as: anything involving telepathy, the vivid 'mindscapes' that Vulcans seem to have, going for a half-a-year long leave to a monastery to recover, and such.

I really appreciate your question and found answering to it very interesting. I would also appreciate any additional thoughts anyone may have on the topic.

Live Long and Prosper

[silas-png]

well I guess it’s official that my mom doesn’t realize that what she said hurts me; we had an argument last night and I cried the whole time. She didn’t do anything. Just kept talking. I told her some mental issues I was having (stuff with my bad memory and a couple telltale signs of ADHD) and she said that it was because of sitting at a desk all day. Then she said that I was obsessed, that all LGBTQ+ people were obsessed with making their gender and sexuality their personality (which was another thing she said could be the cause of my mental health not being great). She asked if it was because I was trans that I wasn’t eating; cause I’m malnourished but I don’t think she’s ever considered seriously that what I say is actually true considering that I’m literally a teenager but yk. She also made me cry three times last night, had to have my dad stop her from talking because I was yelling, crying, and had said outright that I was panicking and overwhelmed, then cried myself to sleep. I really don’t know what to think of her anymore. I mean she said that she cared for me and that she would fight for me, “even if I have to fight you for your health,” as she said, but that last half I just wanted to yell at her. I just wanted to ask her if she had ever considered that maybe she’s the problem, not me? But idk, maybe I just sound spoiled and complaining. I really don’t know anymore. I don’t. And that makes her angry, too.

I know she doesn’t know what being on the other side of her talks is like. She said that to me. Because I asked. She doesn’t know that what she says hurts me, but I feel like me crying a lot should say a lot about what she’s saying. Maybe she thought she was saying the truth or something, cause she kinda wasn’t. I don’t make my being trans my whole personality; I only talk about it because it’s a thing that needs to be talked about, it’s a modern issue and I don’t know how to explain that without sounding stupid.

for the record, I never cry in front of her. So I feel like it should’ve been concerning to her that I was actively sobbing and started yelling. I kept apologizing for things I thought I did wrong, for things I thought you apologized for. Maybe I’m just bad at social cues.

my dad had to stop the argument by telling my mom to stop and me to go to bed. I just whispered thanks then left and cried for a while then fell asleep. But in that single moment dad told my mom to stop I was more thankful than I think I’ve ever been in my whole life.

[honeybunniii333]

I'll do Edwards first cause I have the most thought out ones for him.

Edward headcanons:

• His mom is a drug addict, he cut her off when he was 12.

• The king of Dissociating when his problems become too much! 🤴🏾

• adhd

• has a stuttering problem. It was very bad when he was little but after speech therapy it went away and only comes out when he's very excited or nervous.

• gets along with geno very well dispite their bickering. It's only playful.

• Diabetic, and bad at taking care of himself! ^^

• Since His stepmother works most of the day and his dad is never home he's usually the one who takes care of Geno. (Homework help, snacks, taking him places, comfort ect.)

• internally monologs a lot.

• Actually very self concious but pretends to be confident to not seem weak.

• Pretty accepting actually, he's not the judgemental type to others. ( only to himself lol. )

• Terrifed when people call him gay cause his dad is very homophobic and my mans wants to continue living.

• very good at baking, him and his mom used to bake a lot and it's a comforting activity for him.

• loves sweets.

• His mom was African, but she grew up in France for most of her life, eventually coming to the U.S and meeting his father.

• He knows a lot of French because it makes him feel close to her. Issac was a bit impressed when be finds out.

• Actually very smart. I imagine he gets mostly A's.

• knows a bit of Spanish from his dad but he resents the guy so he was never interested in learning it much.

• His dad isn't kind to him cause he looks like his mom and it brings back bad memories.

• not good at accepting change or death.

• Actually very uncomfortable with the topic of sex and or sexual things. ( I've noticed anytime anyone flirts like that to him he always acts overwhelmed and uncomfortable)

• On the Ace spectrum.

• kinda iffy about touch. He doesn't break down or anything but he doesn't really like touch from people he isn't close with ( Barry, Dez, Geno ect. )

• literally can't handle failure.

• can't see without glasses but wears Contacts cause he got bullied a lot for it.

• is usually the one who keeps his friends in line and tells people off for taking bullying too far.

•once you get him to like you, he'd die for you. Very loyal.

• Def the hero type, and when he can't fulfill said role he feels useless.

• Plays guitar very well.

• was actually bullied pretty bad in gradeschool and changed himself a lot to fit in more. Basically a totally different person from when he was little.

• suprisingly good with kids because of Geno.

• really likes Video games. He and Geno bond over this.

• Gay panic if it were a person.

• he is the least wreckless out of his little jock group and that is concerning.

• His major anger issues are a direct result of his shitty homelife. His dad has them and always responded with violence so it imprinted on him.

• he doesn't hate his stepmother but he resents her a little because his father used her as a replacement for his mom.

• His powers are a lot more detailed then they seem but he just hasn't tapped their full potential yet.

• can't remember most of his childhood because of repression and also has bad memory because of this unhealthy coping mechanism.

• Hates sitting still and gets ancy when he has to stay in bed or sit for too long. It makes him depressed to not be able to run around and do things.

• Mirrors bother him for some reason. He doesn't really know why. He just doesn't like looking in them for very long.

• Dez is more like a little sister then a cousin. The two pretty much grew up together and sometimes he forgets their cousins and not siblings.

• Definitely a dog person.

• Was friends with Felix in middleschool but drama happened and now he hates his guts.

• Actually really likes being around Issac but won't admit it cause he's "a nerd"

( they're definitely self indulgent and maybe a little but of a stretch but I like them lol. )

[justepilepsy]

I hate having petit mal seizures because I have no memory of them happening and it makes talking about my medication really hard. People often don’t notice them unless I happen to be talking directly to someone and it’s scary. I’m constantly worried since my medication is such a low dose that I may have a break through seizure and not even know it. I’m scared because what if I have one while driving and run a red light? When I bring up this concern my doctor just kinda brushes me off.

Hi Anon, It absolutely is frustrating to experience memory issues. Especially related to seizures and when you don't know when they're happening.

I must admit though, this ask had me a tad bit horrified, not just at your doctor's dismissive behaviour, but also:

In most states/countries in the world people who experience seizures are NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE

It varies slightly from country to country, but the essential crux of the matter is, unless you have been seizure free for a certain amount of time (oftentimes 6 months to a year, sometimes several years, again depending on your country) or if your seizures ONLY appear while asleep - driving should not even be a thing your are permitted to do!

Please, please, PLEASE:

Since you experience petit mal seizures with absence, do not drive. Don't drive. It's not safe. It's dangerous! For yourself and everyone else.

Figure out your countries' legislation in relation to epilepsy, seizures and driving. This will give you an indication what must happen for you to be allowed to drive again.

I would suggest, if you can, possibly having a look around for a different Neurologist. It's important to have a good patient-doctor relationship when working long-term on the right treatment/medication plan for any condition. This is not to undermine their skill or ability, but clearly they have not been able to pick up on your distress, nor have they felt the need to inform you, that you should not be driving when you are still experiencing seizures.

If you are in any type of education, institution etc (College, School, Work), it may be worth figuring out if your country has any benefits or if the institution provies any support measures for disabled people.

Aside from these very urgent and rather practical tips, dear anon, I hope you are safe and the memory issues are certainly an issue to deal with. It may be worth figuring out coping strategies for the time being, e.g. timers, alerts, using a digital assistant to set reminders that will reach you, etc.

Personally I like looking up strategies tailored towards people with ADHD or who are on the Autism Spectrum, as I find them often helpful as well. There is a lot of small tips and tricks and strategies on how to at least lessen the distress caused by memory issues.

Stay safe and take care! I believe in you

[highlynerdy]

15 Questions

Tagged by @fan-man-huaisang and @shana-rosee (a while ago...whoops)💛

1. Are you named after anyone?

I am named after my godfather for my first name and my godmother for my middle name

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday at a friend’s sisters memorial

3. Do you have kids?

No, and I shan’t. But I do quite like to hang out with kids as the fun aunty friend

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yes, regularly. But only in casual settings.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

The vibes lol. But seriously, I have a fairly accurate read of people right off the bat. I think I notice if they seem genuinely friendly or not.

6. What’s your eye color?

Hazel-ish, that tends towards orange-y when my hair is red, brown when my hair is brown, and green-ish when my hair is blonde.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings! I canNOT handle scary movies. At all. The last one I watched was the first Alien about 4 years ago and I had god awful nightmares where I woke up crying. @mr-highlynerdy was concerned. He loves scary movies and I’m sorry I can’t watch them with him.

8. Any special talents?

This is question I don’t want to answer because if I say no, I feel like I’m lying. And if I say yes, I feel like I’m bragging. So I’ll just say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lol

9. Where were you born?

Appalachia

10. What are your hobbies?

Too many to count and most of y’all know that lol. Knitting, crochet, sewing, painting, bookbinding, spinning, dyeing, photography......lol. Who has ADHD?? Me.

11. Do you have any pets?

Two kitcats. Lemon, who is a 14 year old grump and I love her endlessly. And Biscuit, who is 7 or 8 (we adopted her in April 2020), and is the chattiest, friendliest love muffin around.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I played basketball most of my life until I realized that I wasn’t going to get taller than 5′4″ and even playing point guard that’s too short. Also played soccer for a few years, ran track (the half mile and mile), and also cross country. I loved playing all sports until my knee injury end of junior year that put all that to a stop. I miss being able to be more active but chronic illness is a motherfucker of unfavorable situation.

13. How tall are you?

5′4″ (~162 centimeters)

14. Favorite subject in school?

Probably Lit or physics.

15. Dream job?

If I could do anything, and money wasn’t an issue, I would probably be a full-time photographer for people who couldn’t always afford a good photographer for their events. Or I would open an awesome community art studio and have classes by donation.

I feel like I’m always the last to respond to these so everyone has probably already done this already. I won’t tag anyone, but please say I tagged you if you want to do it!

[harbingrs]

Need to recharge, light from the stars Won't really reach anything, will it? Binary capsules of all human culture Science and history and headless sculptures Stories of monkeys and digital religions Like a note on the ankle of the last living pigeon

Bell. he/him. 30ish.

About me:

Bell / Rue

bi²

He/him by default (but any pronouns are fine)

30-ish years old

White & not from the US

Part of a DID system (I don't do syscourse and don't find it relevant)

Disabled (physical and mental)

Sideblogs:

s******s - System sideblog

welcomedtohome - Interiors/aesthetic sideblog

itsgonnabeagreatgiorno - Animal Crossing sideblog

Image ID: A four-panel Peanuts comic featuring Snoopy the beagle typing on a typewriter. Text reads: Gentlemen, I have just completed my new novel. It is so good, I am not even going to send it to you. [Pause] Why don't you just come and get it? End ID.

About this blog:

Mostly reblogs. Tags to look at or block as needed:

Personal posts [#posts]

Music [#music]

Poetry/quotes/etc [#muses]

Disability & chronic illness

Family trauma

Religious trauma [#exvangelical or #ex christian]

Therapy abuse [#therapy abuse or #psych abuse]

More graphic NSFT posts and images are tagged, but suggestive jokes or general references aren't. Basically, I follow the original guideline of "things that may get you in trouble if someone looks over your shoulder at work". This blog is not intended for minors.

If you need something specific tagged (or tagged differently), please let me know directly, as I may not see (or remember) based on your bio.

Important to know:

I have (moral) OCD + ADHD + dissociative memory issues. This impacts things like:

What information I can put on a public bio

What I can and can't reblog/boost/etc

Remembering usernames I shouldn't reblog from

Remembering even 'obviously problematic' artists/bands/etc

Being able to personally add image descriptions to posts

tl;dr - Please be nice enough not to assume the worst. If you have concerns or questions, feel free to send a message or ask (anon is fine)

More detail on what to keep in mind:

I don't have a public DNI or list of my personal ideologies in my bio. I do block people I'm uncomfortable with interacting or following (and yes, that's probably along the lines of 'general DNI criteria'). Nothing is a secret, so if you need to know anything that's not listed here to determine if you're comfortable following me, feel free to send me an ask or message (genuine).

I'm chronically offline, so I'm not involved in online discourse subcultures or in the loop with a lot of things. I'm not involved in system discourse or ship discourse so I'm not 'aligned' with anything. Ditto with knowing who is problematic on Tumblr. I also have significant memory issues and struggle to remember even "obviously problematic" usernames, so if I reblog from someone I shouldn't, just let me know - it's not on purpose.

I can't typically "boost" posts or reblog things because I "should" be talking about them. It doesn't mean I'm not paying attention or don't care. This is not a minor thing where I'm 'prioritising my mental health' so I don't feel sad - this is losing my ability to work/survive because I can't regulate my thoughts/actions and level of engagement. As an example: I can't personally add image IDs to reblogs, because if I start doing it just 'sometimes' or 'when I can', I quickly have to do it all day every day, on every post, even if I'm missing work to do it. Yes, that sounds ridiculous, but OCD is ridiculous. I wish I was in a better place with it - but at this point in my life, I'm not, and I can't 'bootstraps' my way around it because something is important, or the right thing to do (because with moral OCD, that's exactly why it has that effect on me).

Posts and reblogs are grounded in my personal experience - for example, my traumatic experiences with therapy/the psych industry and Christianity. If that isn't your experience, that's okay! Any kind of "anti psych" post is intended to critique the industry as it currently is, and speak honestly about the loopholes and pitfalls that cause it to fail or harm many people, even when it helps some. The goal is not to dissuade people from 'getting help' or remove access for those who find it genuinely helpful. Instead, I think everyone is entitled to a positive, safe experience when seeking support with their mental health - including those who are most vulnerable and/or have stigmatised conditions. -- *If "not remembering" sounds like a copout - things often aren't distinct to me with any certainty. A username will sound familiar, but I don't know how or why. Basically, this disclaimer is here to avoid my brain telling me I need to thoroughly vet the OP of every post I reblog, lest I fall prey to Moral Badness (because believe me, I do not have that kind of free time).

[obstinatecondolement]

The upshot of seeing the psychiatrist today is that she's increasing the dose of melatonin I am on and wants me to work really hard on sleep hygiene for a month and if I am still having the same issues with memory and focus then she'll look at the dosage of the ADHD meds again and think about if that potentially needs to go up or down (there is a concern that maybe going back to what had been the therapeutic dose for me before without titrating it up more slowly might have pushed things too far the wrong way, so that's why it might need to come down).

Given that I am so stressed with interpersonal shit at work and my sleep has been so garbage, it's hard to know what pharmacological interventions would help without first trying to improve things with ~lifestyle changes.

And like, honestly, fair enough! Routinely going on less than four hours sleep is categorically going to impair cognitive function and being under near constant emotional distress also makes it much harder to do your best thinking.

So, long story short, I'm going to (among other things) try to have a hard cut off with screens and blue light an hour before I go to bed. Which is very sad for me, because all of my friends are made of blue light and live in my phone (and are primarily awake and free to talk to me when it is late at night in my time zone). So if I am slower to respond to DMs or don't get in touch as often for the next month that's why.

I will try to see irl friends more often or, Idk, get back on OKC and meet some new local people who might want to be friends, because my ability to have my social needs met reeeeally hinges on Friends In Phone if I do not make more of an active effort to touch grass.

If anyone would like to exchange emails to have more long form conversations that are asynchronous, please let me know! I don't want to abandon my Friends In Phone and let those relationships wither of the vine while I try to commit to being better at sleeping. I will also still DM people who I regularly talk to, but probably earlier in the day my time and I may not always be able to talk for long or respond immediately.

[knotmagickstudios]

ADHD/Autism Diagnosis as an adult, part 5

Part 4 can be found here.

Appointment number 3 with the neuropsych was super exciting for me because it was medication day!

I normally don't talk about the specifics of my meds, but in this case it's important. I'm not advocating for any specific medication, or for medication in general, but this is my experience. If you need meds to keep your brain from exploding, please take meds. They really do help, even though they can be scary to contemplate!

So, to recap: I went to my doctor for my extreme and long lasting fatigue, which has been causing things like brain fog, difficulty understanding/remembering instructions, short term memory loss, etc. Because I have both fatigue and insomnia, she suggested I get tested for ADHD.

The neuropsych diagnosed me with mild ADHD with very low dopamine, and autism. Because I was hesitant to start a new brain med with everything going on, we waited until appointment 3 of 4 do discuss medication. We did talk about options a little bit earlier on, and I explained why I was hesitant: I already take medication for anxiety/depression, so I want something that's going to play nice with those meds. Second, because of my sleep issues, I didn't want to start on a stimulant until my sleep was under control because I didn't want to mess things up further. He listened, understood, and agreed with my concerns, so we put medication on hold for the time being.

This process started on January 1. December 1, my energy levels just crashed and took my immune system with it. I had zero energy and got sick twice between Christmas and the first week of January. I put my writing and creative work on hiatus until further notice because I just had no energy and couldn't meet any kind of deadlines. All I wanted to do was sleep. I felt like trash.

Between appointments 2 and 3 I had a brainwave that made me feel like an absolute idiot: A big chunk of my sleep problems were caused by sensory issues. I made some changes to my bedding, night clothes, and general sleep set up, and it helped a lot. It's not perfect. I'm not where I want to be. But I feel a lot better and can do more than I could in December.

But back to the meds. Because I was feeling both desperate for relief and more stable than I was before, I felt ready to start a new medication. Essentially, there are 2 options for ADHD: Stimulants (like Ritalin) and "off label" meds. These off label meds are usually designed for depression, but because they increase dopamine levels they also help with ADHD, which is exacerbated by low dopamine. I'm already taking Lexapro, which increases serotonin levels. We didn't want to mess with the Lexapro since it's working, so he suggested adding Stelara, which is the med that plays nicest with Lexapro. I was still worried about things like mood swings or severe reactions that might impact my day job--I'm already having trouble with details, focus, etc, and didn't want them to get even worse.

We spent most of the 30 minute appointment going over the side effects, what to look out for, and how to manage them. Most of the side effects are things I'm either already experiencing due to my chronic illness. The main dangers to look out for were extreme jumps or drops in blood pressure. The rest of the side effects were typically temporary and are supposed to go away after a week or two. The medication itself could take a few days to a month to reach full effectiveness.

We decided the smartest course of action was to start me on a half dose (25mg) for 2 weeks, and then go up to the recommended 40mg at our next appointment.

So far I've been on this new med for about 4 days. The only side effect I've noticed is that it's even harder than usual to regulate my body temperature (I can go from freezing when I'm sitting still to being covered in sweat the instant I move), but that's the only side effect I seem to have. I can't judge my sleep too well because my cat has been an asshole for the last four nights and keeps waking me up for food at 4am, so it's hard to judge things like quality of sleep or fatigue levels.

I am open to adding a stimulant later on, but I want to get some other things evened out first since most of the people I know who have issues with ADHD meds have them with the stimulants. Also, right now meds like Ritalin are hard to get, so I really don't need the headache of withdrawal symptoms or trying to find a pharmacy with it in stock. Hopefully in a few months my sleep will be better, my fatigue will improve, and the inventory issues will clear up, and we can talk about it more then.

So that's where things are. I have 1 more regular appointment, and then we're going to schedule a follow up for some point in the future. I know I was super lucky to get a GP and a neuropsych who have been so great, and that isn't the experience of everyone in this boat. I hope that if you are considering or are trying to get a diagnosis, you get providers who have been as great as these two (trust me, I've dealt with some shit doctors in the past few months, including one who flat out refused to see me).

As always, I'm happy to answer any questions.