#it also has like little sauce packets and salt and things

[eats-the-stars]

upside to a workplace w/shop cats: free kitty time! take a short break to pet one of these little fur-balls

neutral side to a workplace w/shop cats: i have heard each of my coworkers meow at least once, which is odd but neither good nor bad

downside to workplace w/shop cats: one is obsessed with knocking over cups, making water placement a delicate act. also he once knocked a glass bottle of hot-sauce onto one of the machines and i had to clean it all up while he just sat there and took in the free entertainment

[ittybittyfanblog]

Error 404: (Self-Aware!AU, Sylus Edition) – Pt. 7

Summary: A LADS self-aware!AU featuring Sylus and a player. That’s it, that’s the plot. Tags: player!reader x sylus, fem!reader x sylus, reader x lads, self-aware!au, strong language, suggestive themes!, there’s some slight smut…  but nothing too graphic (ion rly write smut haha), angst and comfort, this chapter’s brought to you by: a bunch of sad songs on repeat! A/N: 7k+ words what the fuck!!  (this might actually be one of my favorite chapters. :’))

Pt. 1 - Pt. 2 - Pt. 3 - Pt. 4 - Pt. 5 - Pt. 6 - Pt. 7 - Pt. 8 - Pt. 9 - Pt. 10 - Epilogue

“You don’t have a favorite color.”

“I… don’t, no.”

“But you’re quite partial to green.”

“I guess so—?”

“You’ve worn the same green shirt to bed thrice this week,” he notes lightly, pertaining to your Loki: Master of Mischief tee. The corners of his mouth pull into a faint, knowing smile. “It suits you, by the way.”

Your fingers hover over the keyboard as you glance at him, narrowing your eyes in slight embarrassment. “It’s a perfectly comfy shirt,” you reply, a defensive edge to your tone. “Nothing wrong with that.”

“Nothing at all,” he agrees reassuringly. “Just making an observation.”

“What, are you keeping a dossier on me now?”

Sylus gives a noncommittal hum, but offers nothing more in response. He keeps watch on you from his usual spot in the corner between the monitor and the CPU box, chin resting on an open palm. His gaze betrays hints of smugness to it.

You eye him weirdly. With a huff, you turn back to your typing.

–

You’re cooking dinner—with Sylus supervising the entire thing like your very own personal sous chef. Something that has now been the norm for you two, since your–banging!–success with the tofu dish. 

And for tonight’s menu: Butter noodles. Simple, foolproof, straightforward. 

"Simple" is… well, it’s not entirely inaccurate. But the way that the boiling water hisses angrily through the small lid hole wavers the already shaky foundation of your developing culinary confidence. 

(Just a little bit! You’re sure you’ve got nothing to worry about.) 

A faint burning scent clings to the air; you forgot to stir the garlic early on, and now it looks dangerously close to a char. You rescue it just in time, cursing under your breath. Your sous chef, of course, catches everything. Even your nervousness.

“You know,” Sylus chimes in, watching the wooden spatula tremble in your hand. “This is quite the step up from your usual instant noodle packets. You should be proud of yourself, sweetie.”

“Gee, thanks. Really complex work for an extra half-hour of cooking time,” Your words are snide, but he doesn’t miss the way your grip on the spatula tightens ever-so-slightly. Steadies. 

The smell stabilizes. You add half a stick of butter, squashing it to a melt, and he lets the subject drop—for now.

“Do you have siblings?”

“I have an older sister,” you answer distractedly, stirring the sauce and trying to scrape the edges of the sauté pan without having it splatter from the inside.

“How much older?”

“Uh—six years,” you reply, reaching for a pinch of salt. “She's got a family. Two kids. Another on the way.”

“Hm. You two are close?”

You pause, the question landing softly in the haze of rising steam. “I mean. S’ alright, I guess. We catch up over the phone sometimes.”

“Ah. Good.”

“... Yeah.” 

You catch a glance of his expression in your peripheral, looking thoughtful. 

_

It’s a recent development, his curiosity. Sporadic at first, like light rain on a windshield—little questions scattered here and there, easy to brush off. But over the past week, it’s grown into something more unrelenting. It’s almost as if you two were playing a round of twenty questions, only it’s just you in the hot seat being interrogated. 

There’s also that habit of his to take it one step further. Hedging his questions strategically, acting like he already knows the little factoid he wanted to ask and just needs you to confirm it. 

You don’t really get the logic behind it, but hey, who are you to judge? Everybody has their quirks. Even someone of his caliber, apparently.

… God forbid he gets blindsided by something he’s genuinely surprised to know about you, though. 

“You know how to play the violin.”

You pause the video you’re watching on your laptop at its five minute mark to stare at Sylus through your phone screen. He sounds… terse? Like you’d intentionally kept this a secret from him.

“Wha—yes, I know how to play the violin,” you huff, incredulous by the show of attitude. “What’s up with all these weird questions?”

“You’ve given me explicit permission to ask them. Level the playing field,” he reminds you, eyes slightly accusatory. “What else are you keeping from me?”

You groan, collapsing onto your back on the couch. “Ugh, I don’t know,” you say sarcastically. “Do you wanna know my time of birth too?”

“Born at exactly twelve twenty-eight PM,” Sylus recites without missing a beat, his voice bored and unimpressed. “I saw it on your Co-Star app, sweetie.”

You freeze.

“…”

“That’s creepy,” you tell him, tone disapproving, giving him a scolding poke on the nose. 

“Call it thorough research,” he counters smoothly, rolling his eyes at your feeble attack. “After all, a stubborn kitten’s been slacking on her side of the deal.”

_

The questions are, for the most part, harmless in nature. Anchored firmly in the mundane. He doesn’t stray too far from what’s comfortable, or what he deems safe to ask. And yet you can sense it beneath the surface: the burning curiosity. To know more of you, to take what he could; piece by piece, until he’s unraveled the puzzle of you entirely. 

And you don’t get it. His world—filled with endless adventure, lore, and literal fucking superpowers—surely has to be more exciting than anything you’ve got to offer. What’s your life compared to that? 

You said as much to him, mostly as an offhand comment. Although it did feel slightly more earnest when you put it into words, compared to how it sounded in your head. 

“Honestly, Sy-Sy. Life here’s really not that interesting compared to all the stuff going on over there,” you told him matter-of-factly, in the middle of collecting your daily rewards. “You don’t have to keep this up, you know.”

Sylus didn’t speak for a moment. The easy nonchalance he wore so well shifted into something more reserved, almost somber. He didn’t challenge what you said, nor did he affirm anything; you're met with silence, loaded with thoughts left unspoken. 

“Don’t presume things on your own, little dove,” he said after a while, his voice low, a gentle reprimand. 

Before you could even process what he meant by that, he smoothly changed the subject, his tone reverting back to his usual effortless calm as if to ease the weight of your words. “Now then, let’s circle back—what were you saying earlier? You almost drowned in a lake when you were eight? Because of a dare you made with your sister?”

And that was the end of it.

You tell yourself it’s exhausting – the way he keeps digging, prodding, asking questions like you’re worth the level of fascination he’s making you out to be. But there’s also the truth, hidden and tucked beneath your half-hearted protests, slowly unfurling. A part of you—cautiously hopeful, dreadfully fragile—that preens under the weight of his scrutiny. 

So you let him press further; let him sift through twenty plus years of tiny, unremarkable fragments of your life like a beachcomber seeking treasures amongst the tide. And in return, he gives you his full attention, undivided and unyielding, as if your answers are the only ones that matter.

––––

He tells you there’s a new tête-à-tête feature in the game, so you check it out – not without giving him a slightly suspicious look. 

“A microphone feature?” You snort, leveling him with a half-amused glare. “You already hear me talk all the time.”

Sylus blinks at you, his face a guilefully-crafted mask of innocence. “I’m just giving you the option, sweetie. You know, in case you’d like to put our conversations ‘on record.’”

“Treat you like some kind of… quasi-therapist or something? An online confessional?” You give him the stink eye. “Is that what you’re angling for now?”

He shrugs. “If it helps.”

_

You had no intention of using the tête-à-tête “feature” you’ve been so graciously offered, quickly dismissing it as just another one of his tactics to show off his capacity to manipulate the game’s code, or something along those lines. 

It’s not the first time he’s done it. 

But then, midnight comes on a deceptively ordinary Friday, and it’s suffused with an all-too familiar feeling of utter emptiness that drowns you. You’re crumpled on the toilet seat like chewed-up gum, knees pulled to your chest, the day’s wounds still festering. It's not anything new, but it leaves you feeling like shit all the same. 

Yet another overtime shift. Yet another argument with your mom, over fuck all you know that you’re too damn old for, but still, still, finds its way to cut deep. Over and over, and over again. 

Your phone’s blank screen stares back at you, just as mute and useless as the rest of the night. And you—

“Sweetie?” 

You can’t speak. Not yet. But you don’t have to. One look at the exhaustion on your face is enough for Sylus to know exactly what you need.

Your mouth trembles open, then shuts again. He doesn’t say anything else, just waiting for you to make the first move. To start whenever you’re ready. 

After a long moment, you finally exhale a shaky breath. That’s when you catch his gaze; fixed, patient, almost... encouraging. It’s a subtle invitation, urging you to take the plunge, to make use of him to an extent only he can provide–the only one he could offer to you at this time–

So, you talk. Tentatively at first, the words slipping out like droplets from your leaking sink faucet. But once the dam breaks, you can't stop. 

It spills out. Every frustration, every ache, every moment that feels too much to carry for one person, especially for someone like you, and he… he just—

listens. 

-

-

-

You feel drained. Every ounce of energy wrung out of you after unloading the day’s weight to your unexpected confidant.

“That helped, didn’t it?”

If it were anyone else – or if you didn’t know Sylus the way you do now – you’d only catch the smug notes in his voice. The teasing lilt and the airy pretense of someone trying to ease the heaviness out of the room.

But you do hear it. Beneath the surface, woven so subtly into the words… something vulnerable. 

You hear the unspoken question behind it: he’s genuinely asking if it helped. If his presence, however small or inconsequential it might seem, was enough to pull you back ashore.

I helped.

Tell me I did.

“You did, Sy.” Your grin is tired, grateful, and a little lopsided. But it’s real. “Thank you.”

For a moment—just a split of a second—the red in his eyes betrays something achingly raw.

“Anytime, darling,” he says, his voice quieter now, rough around the edges, like it’s carrying more than the words themselves. “I mean it.”

And like a beacon of light slicing through the storm-tossed seas of your mind, you realize that he truly does.

____

You start giving Sylus the reins to select the music, trusting his taste enough to let him DJ for you. He picks the soundtrack for everything—cooking, errands, long rides—filling the silence with something that he knows the both of you would like. 

The playlists grow. From one, to two, to almost an entire collection of carefully curated tracks to suit the mood and vibe of the day. He takes it seriously—so seriously that you can’t resist sneaking in a Megan Thee Stallion track onto his precious “Slow Evenings” playlist.

He finds it hilarious. Hilarious enough to loop Kitty Kat for all sixty-five minutes of your commute back home.

You laugh despite yourself. It’s exactly the type of shit you know he’d pull as petty retribution, already intimately familiar with his brand of humor. And if you close your eyes, you can almost imagine him beside you, sharing an earbud, smirking as he revels in your exasperation.

____

One night, you notice a weariness in his eyes. It’s an odd enough thing to see that it leads to a discussion on what he’s been up to as the shadowy leader of a notorious faction, deep in a lawless part of his universe.

“Just an operation gone wrong, sweetie,” he says with a sigh, rubbing a temple as though trying to physically push the stress away. “It happens.”

You press him on the details of the botched deal—and maybe, just maybe, a small part of you is excited to live vicariously through the tale. But it’s not about you this time, you remind yourself. So you listen as Sylus indulges every question you throw at him, giving you the play-by-play: what the deal was for (special, hard-to-get protocores), where the trade-off occurred (west of Charon), and how it all went sideways (he knew it was a set-up the moment he walked into the venue).

You don’t really know how to comfort him in a situation like this, but you want to try.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, you joke, “Can you imagine clumsy, ol’ me there? I’d be dead before I even make it inside.”

Sylus freezes, his expression going still. Unreadable.

“No, you won’t.” He says in response to the second part of what you just said, his tone brooking no doubt. He says it with such intense conviction that you almost believe this exact hypothetical has already crossed his mind—more than once.

I won’t let you.

Before you can even think of what to say, he adds, quieter this time, but no less convinced: “And yes—I can.”

It’s a direct answer to your question, and it makes the words die in your throat. His voice is softer now too, but there’s no mistaking his tone. It has the same conviction from before, and it hits you that he’s had time to ruminate on this thought—more times than he’d care to admit.

And I do. You have no idea.

____

There’s another shift in the dynamic of your, well, relationship.

“Did you hear what I said, poppet?”

You snap back to meet his inquiring gaze, unwavering as always.

“Sorry, can you repeat that?” You ask, the apology clear in your eyes.

He huffs, shaking his head in amusement—always patient, never annoyed—at your inattentiveness. “What’s on your mind, my sweet?”

Well. That.

Lately, Sylus has gotten into the habit of using possessive pronouns like they’re nothing. There’s also a notable increase on the variation of pet names too, each one more layered than the last.

It’s a little excessive, honestly. Like he’s trying to compensate for something—or maybe he sees it as just another natural step in whatever’s going on between you two. You’re still not sure what exactly goes in his head. He’s always been an enigma to you.

And yet, you never put a stop to it. How could you?

Little dove. Sweet girl. My darling.

When it comes off his lips like sunkist honey—each one brings a jolt straight to your heart. 

You're quite partial to one in particular. 

My love.

____

“Oh, my love,” Sylus tuts, feigning concern. “You’ve snoozed that alarm five times already.”

You groan, hitting the snooze button again—number six now—burying your face in your arms on the desk. 

____

You’re attending a despedida party for a friend who’s flying abroad to study (For a PhD in Biomedical Science! You couldn’t be more proud.) and the venue’s going to be at The Penthouse, somewhere fancy up north. It even has an infinity pool on deck, something the celebrant dropped into the group chat with far too much enthusiasm.

So, earlier today, you’d ventured out to buy something nice for yourself. Nicer than what you have in the closet, which isn’t much of a stretch. Something different than your usual rotation of plaids and band shirts—not that there’s anything wrong with them. They’re just… you. Comfortable. Predictable. Not exactly the dress code for a rooftop soirée.

Now, you’re back home from a successful (!) trip to the mall, bags in hand: a small gift for your friend on one arm and a much larger shopping bag on the other. 

You set the gift gently on the coffee table. Then, you head to the bathroom, the grosgrain ribbon of a paper tote held tight in your fist. 

The pretty fabric caught your eye almost immediately, the moment you saw the garment; its sheen almost like woven liquid in the light. It felt like a risk, even on the rack. But under the unforgiving glare of your bathroom bulb? 

Well, now, it’s looking less of a “bold choice,” and more along the lines of: “damn, what were you thinking?”

It’s not that big of a deal or anything. You like feeling pretty. But at the same time, you haven’t deluded yourself into thinking that you’re anything above average to look at, even on the nicest occasions. 

It’s something you’ve grown used to, a definitive truth ingrained deep in your bones. You know this – just like you know gravity tethers you to the ground, even when you’d rather be carried away by the wind some days. You’ve gone through more than a decade to accept it as just another fact of life, to make peace with the reflection staring back at you from the bathroom mirror. 

Even if it means you’ll never be on the receiving end of ‘interested’ glances from strangers on the street. Or that you’ve never known the feeling of someone doing a double take when they see you at your best, all dolled-up. More than once, you’ve sat across from dates whose eyes wandered—toward some other, someone better-looking, in restaurants, at parks, even outside the movies. Everywhere past your direction. 

But that’s okay. You’re used to it, the same way you’ve grown used to everything else.

And still, there’s that impulse—a sudden need for someone else’s opinion. Someone close. Someone that matters. 

There’s a pang of fear you can’t quite shake. You hear the small voice from the deep recesses of your mind, whispering to you that it’s one of your worse ideas. That you’ll fall short of any and all expectations, and that it’ll hurt more this time around. You’ll hear the polite, “you look nice” and you’re gonna have to live with the quiet certainty that you don’t, not really, and that you’ll never quite measure up to what he’s used to seeing. To her—

You swallow hard. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t do that to you. Not outwardly, at least.

And if he did… Well.

“I bought something,” you say as an opener, the words tumbling out in a rush as soon as you get a glimpse of his form on the screen. You’re rocking back on your heel, a little awkward as you stand there in front of your small vanity table even with your phone laid flat, front camera pointing upwards. “You remember the going-away party I’ll be attending two days from now, right?”

“Of course, the one for your secondary school batchmate.” Sylus replies easily, voice reverberating through the tinny speakers. Even at an angle, you can see the confused tilt of his head. “Is it on the ceiling, sweetie? What am I looking at, exactly?”

“No, smartass. I—” You press your lips together, eyes flitting upward, as if courage might be dangling from the ceiling in question.

Fuck, this is a bad idea. I can’t do this.

“It’s– I bought something for myself. I mean, I bought her a gift too, obviously. But I also bought an outfit. For the party.” 

There. 

He blinks, and you can almost see the gears turning in his head. Realization dawns on his face, a knowing smile beginning to form. His voice dips, a teasing edge to it as he purrs, “Oh? Well then, save me from the suspense, sweetheart.”

“I–I’m getting to it, okay?” It comes out a little snappier than you intend, nerves flaring hot. You sigh, feeling your shoulders drop. “I’m just… Don’t be—ugh, just don’t make a big deal out of this, alright?” 

You keep your eyes off the screen, unable to face him directly.

But when he speaks, his tone carries only a quiet understanding of your struggle.

Of course he understands. He always does.

He speaks; and it’s slow and measured—as if he’s coaxing a terrified, cornered animal out of hiding. 

“Show me.” Trust me.

And so with a heavy exhale through the nose, you flip the front camera towards your direction, revealing the bare expanse of gooseflesh skin—

… And the flimsy one-piece that clings to your body like wet plastic. 

It dips low between the valley of your breasts and stops short just halfway up your thigh. The material is a gauzy organza; see-through and light, in seafoam green. Barely leaving anything to the imagination as it reveals the dusky coral swimsuit from underneath the fabric and the hot flush that spreads across your chest like wildfire. Your fists clench and unclench behind your back – hiding the physical manifestation of your rising anxiety – while you shift your weight from one foot to the other. 

There's a deafening silence. 

The knots in your stomach grow tighter, creeping its way past your lungs. Your fingers tremble as cold sweat breaks out across your skin, chilling you from the inside. You feel horribly exposed. So exposed it’s almost unbearable. 

And you still can’t bring yourself to look at him.

Your thoughts stumble, desperate to cling to anything solid, and a faint memory surfaces: a passage from an org pamphlet you’ve skimmed through back in college, something that has to do with “self-perception.”

The flesh does not define you. 

Your body is but a facet of who you are. You are as inconsequential as the earth beneath your feet, and as important as stardust in the universe.

A low, guttural sound cuts through the stillness, and it makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. 

You—

“Look at me.”

A searing heat laces the cadence of his voice. It sounds restless; like a flame unchecked, rapidly growing into a raging inferno. Stifling in the way it pulls the air from your lungs, like a suckerpunch to the gut.

Your primordial instinct is to flee. But right at that very moment, you're no different from a paralyzed insect caught in an inescapable web with the way you’re stood frozen in place. Every instinct to run is smothered by the mere inflection in his voice. 

—are all. And that is all there is to be. 

“My sweet little dove,” it’s almost a croon, the way the words curl around you like wisps of smoke. Sickly saccharine… downright serpentine. “Won’t you look at me when I talk to you?”

And like a marionette on a string, you obey. 

-

Time seems to stop to a standstill the moment your eyes meet his. 

Sylus’ gaze sinks into you. Loaded. Heavy. A crazed glint, almost—to it. Even to someone like you who's embarrassingly clueless about the nuances of attraction and wholly inexperienced in its depths can see it as plain as day.

Carnal desire. In its purest form. 

Sylus looks at you as though you’re something to be coveted. Devoured. 

A small, fearful noise slips past your lips, and the twin crimson flames burn brighter.

“You’d like to know what I think?”

Yes.

No?

He sees the war in your eyes, and a throaty chuckle escapes him—raw and breathy. “Maybe so?”

You give him the tiniest nod, and the grin on his face sharpens into something wanton, something far more licentious. It slinks in like a fever, stirring something deep within you. Something as old as time.

Sylus opens his mouth. 

You brace yourself for the inevitable.

-

-

-

A ring slices through the room like a hot knife. Just like that, you can breathe again. 

____

Your saving grace comes in the form of a phone call that grounds you back to reality.

It’s a friend, one of the party guests, asking for directions to the venue. You’re listening with one ear on the receiver, answering each question robotically, your voice a controlled calm on the surface, a stark contrast to the thoughts running amok inside your head. 

The words blur into background noise, muffled and distant, like a TV commercial playing on low volume in another room.

The moment you hang up, a suffocating hush swallows the room whole. You’re left alone with nothing but heat kindling low in your gut. The ghost of the heavy exchange from earlier stays with you, thrumming beneath your skin, hot and pulsating. 

You don’t know what to do with yourself. The abrupt suddenness of it all gnaws at you, its weight driving you toward an early retreat. Maybe a long night’s rest will do wonders and help you get your shit together, who knows. 

You slip between the sheets... but not before retrieving your, ah, trusty little companion from its hiding spot in the bedside drawer.

You didn’t want to assume… You don’t want to expect anything from him, but you have needs. 

God, but you do.

Your body feels like flint struck against steel, sparked ablaze by just a handful of words. Words weaved into a vivid imagery from the mouth of your… friend?? 

(Something more?) 

The uncertainty wrecks you, every nerve alight with tension. And yet it’s the same uncertainty that roots you there. Hesitating. 

So. You lie back, pushing the sheets away from your fevered skin, and just—lay there. Staring at the ceiling. The plaster cracks form maps you trace with your eyes, as if searching for answers in their tangled routes. You count your breaths, one after the other, as though the repetition could calm your racing heartbeat. 

It feels ridiculous, almost. You’re a grown adult, acting like a teenager with a demented crush. It’s more than that, though; it’s deeper, messier, and completely illogical. 

But it’s not something you can figure out tonight, not in this state. So you stop trying. 

Instead, you switch on your little toy, open an incognito browser, and let yourself succumb to what your body’s been screaming at you for the past fucking hour. 

You feel… You feel weird about using anything Sylus-related to get yourself off. That’s not to say you haven’t, before, back when he was just another eye candy from a measly mobile game. When it was just another infatuation. 

But now? Now it feels all levels of wrong, like you’re toeing some invisible line. Worse, it feels like you’re exploiting something fragile, testing the limits of a bond already stretched thin.

So, any content related to that man stays off the fap fodder. You’re not that far gone. You think. 

Instead, you scroll through your bookmarks tab, a shaky sigh leaves your lips as you let the hard vibrations of your trusty rabbit glide from inside your thighs, up… up to your warm center, in between the juncture of your legs.

You pause on a Toji smut fic – one amongst, uhh, dozens in your folder. It’s not the same, you know this, but you’re settling for the next best thing in your current circumstance. 

Since what you really want, who you’d rather much have, isn’t–

…

Your phone glitches. 

The Chrome app crashes.

And what do you think you’re doing?

Your heart stutters a beat, and you stop breathing. 

You can’t answer. The words don’t come. But he doesn’t wait for you to try.

Put on your headphones.

You’re done with that. Tonight, tomorrow, any other night. Do you understand me?

The uncharacteristic curtness of the message sends a jolt through you, and a blush overtakes your entire body. You hesitate, just for a second.

Now.

You scramble to obey, fumbling for your earbuds, slipping them on with shaking hands. 

The moment the bluetooth connects, the game boots up on its own – straight to an irate Sylus, looking royally pissed-off. 

“Sy-Sy–” you stammer, your voice barely above a whisper. “I–I don’t—”

"Oh, so back to Sy-Sy now, are we?"

The mocking lilt in his voice cuts sharper than the glare he fixes on your dimly lit face. Your mouth opens, then closes, words failing you entirely. 

You want to explain, to defend yourself. To…

“I see what you read. What you watch,” he begins, voice cutting and mean. “In the dead of night, when you think you’re alone. When you think it’s safe. That no one hears your sweet moans spill so sinfully from those lips.”

His words pierce through the air like an arrow; you feel his overwhelming presence take over, the weight of his gaze pressing down on you, every exhale grazing the sensitive shell of your ear.

“Oh, but I do,” he murmurs, the ambiguity in his tone somehow making it worse. “I hear everything. I know everything about you, kitten.”

A shiver races down your spine, your body betraying you as he speaks.

“What makes you tick,” he continues, his voice a sinister caress. “What leaves you writhing, desperate for more. The way your breathing quickens… the way your body trembles under the weight of your own pleasure.”

You’re struggling now—each breath harder to catch than the last.

“And the way that pretty little mouth of yours falls open in a silent gasp, right after you come undone.”

His words are a noose, tightening with every syllable. Your head spins as the air seems to grow heavier, saturated with the tension between you.

“But it’s never for me, is it?”

“I–I’m sorry… I don’t want to assume–”

“Assume?” His voice darkens, any hint of softness replaced with something colder, harsher. “Again with your presumptions.”

He leans closer, his tone dropping to a command that leaves no room for doubt. “From now on, the only thing you’ll need to believe is when I tell you you’re mine.”

You blink at him dumbly. His grin turns into something wicked—caustic and biting—as he cocks his head. Derisive.  

“Do you understand?”

Your head bobs in a weak, reflexive nod.

“Words, poppet.”

“Y-Yes.”

“Good.” His tone shifts, smooth like languid amber, yet no less imposing. “Now, my love,” he coos, savoring the way your eyes tear up with desperation, “show me how you touch yourself.”

____

“Shi–iit,” he hisses. “This wet already?” 

You attempt to close your legs, shame rising in you like a tide, but freeze halfway when Sylus lets out a low, warning growl.

“Try that, and we’ll stop,” he warns. “I won’t repeat myself twice, pet.”

The weight of his words pins you in place, and you let out a helpless whimper.

“Don’t be afraid, sweet girl,” he murmurs, his tone gentler. Coaxing. “It’s just me.”

His gaze burns into you, relentless, but something tender bleeds into it. 

The glow of the screen casts shadows along the sharp angles of his jaw, the upward tick of his mouth a dangerous contradiction; part teasing, part command. His sanguine eyes gleam with a mix of hunger and control, a look that leaves no room for hesitation.

You give in.

Your body relaxes under the weight of his stare, the fight draining from your limbs. It’s not submission. It's surrender.

Sylus watches you, a faint smile tugging at his lips. It's neither soft nor kind, but triumphant. Like a predator relishing the moment its prey stops running.

“Good girl,” he murmurs, the praise dripping from his tongue like honey. “That’s better.”

____

Sade’s Smooth Operator starts to play in the background as you catch your breath.

You let out a tired giggle, swiping a hand down your sweat-drenched face, earbuds still in place. “Ugh– don’t piss me off.”

You hear a resounding chuckle. 

Gently, he asks, “Alright, little dove?” There’s a beat of hesitation before he adds, quieter now, “Did I go too far?”

You curl onto your side, phone clutched in your hand like a prayer. Sylus’ gaze peers back at you through the screen, a dangerously soft expression on his face that you don’t want to identify. 

“It's perfect, Sy,” you say, your grin tender and bittersweet, heart full of something you won't name.

____

It’s one in the morning. The dim glow of your laptop screen flickers across your face, spilling into the darkened room, casting shadows along the wall. You lean back against it, the end credits of Everything Everywhere All At Once rolling quietly in the background.

 

Silence settles between you and Sylus like a warm blanket.

“Do you think it’s… like that?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper, unwilling to shatter the stillness of the moment. “All versions of ourselves colliding and coexisting at the same time?”

The question hangs there; he doesn’t rush an answer, and for a moment, you wonder if he’s choosing not to. 

When he finally speaks, it’s with the same quiet restraint, his voice threading softly through the air. 

“I’d like to think that in this vast expanse of the universe, there’s something for you and me.”

There’s a trace of something dreadfully optimistic in his voice, and it makes your chest tighten. You blink a few times, glancing upwards. 

The moment lingers, delicate in its quietness, until you instinctively reach for your phone. A quick swipe reveals a new addition to your shared playlist.

This Is A Life by Son Lux and Mitski.

A small, genuine smile tugs at your lips as you press play. The haunting strains of the song pour into the room, filling the spaces words can’t seem to touch.

“Sneaky,” you murmur, your gaze sliding back to Sylus’ face on the screen. His expression is unreadable, save for the faintest twitch of his mouth, the barest hint of a smile.

“Thought it fit the mood,” he says simply.

And it does. The music sweeps over you, soft and wistful, like the moment itself.

____

The balcony feels like a lifeboat drifting away from the chaos inside. The music, the chatter, the endless parade of tequila shots – it all fades to a dull hum as you step into the cool night air. 

Out here, the world feels wider, the sky a little darker, and you can breathe without choking on the weight of the party.

She’s already there, of course. The friend of a friend. An acquaintance by definition, but someone who feels more of a comrade in these fleeting moments away from the crowd. You’ve seen her like this most times; leaning on the railing, a cigarette perched between her fingers, its faint ember glowing against the night. You don’t need an invitation to approach her.

“You mind if I bum one?”

She shrugs, silently offering the box to you. You take one.

“Fun party, huh?” you comment after two puffs, the lit end of the stick briefly catching the glow of the skyline. Your voice is loaded with the kind of irony only shared by those watching the world from the outside in.

“It always is with them around,” she snorts, rolling her eyes in fond exasperation. Her voice carries the warmth of familiarity, from an observation you’ve both shared before. 

You exhale a soft laugh, the sound barely audible over the low hum of the city below.

The silence that follows isn’t just companionable—it’s necessary. A pause to recalibrate, to let the noise, and the lights, and the weight of too many people melt away. Neither of you feels the need to fill it. Words would only dilute the reprieve.

And then, unexpectedly:

“You look happy.”

The words land like a stone dropping into still water, rippling through the quiet. You glance at her, startled by the way her eyes narrow slightly, the way her tone suggests she’s already drawn her own conclusions.  

“You ‘ave someone?”

You weren’t ready for that. You blink at her, surprised she’s noticed anything about you—surprised, too, that it’s written plainly enough for anyone to notice.

“...Yeah,” you mumble, looking away. The admission feels strange in its simplicity. “Yeah, I do.”

She smiles at that; easy but genuine, as if your happiness has spilled over and warmed her, too. “That’s good.” 

There’s sincerity in her voice, unfiltered and direct, as she adds, “You look happier.”

You don’t reply, but her words settle somewhere deep, in the quiet places you thought were hidden. 

And for once, you don’t mind being seen.

____

The party has left you drunker than you’ve been in ages. 

As soon as the celebrant spots the two of you in the corner looking like a sad pair of eyesores, she quickly remedies it with copious amounts of stone-cold stingers. You try to protest, but in the end, it’s futile against the cacophony of cheers and the face of societal peer pressure. 

So now you stagger inside the condo building, looking every bit like a drowned rat dragged in from the storm. A weary guard from reception following closely behind, his patience visibly fraying as you giggle your way toward the elevator.

“‘m fine!” you insist, words slurring together as you attempt to shoo him off with a lazy wave. To emphasize your point, you pinch your fingers together, holding them inches apart. “Just this much to drink, see?”

He doesn’t respond, his expression coming across resigned and frustrated. You can almost hear the thought running through his mind: I don’t get paid enough for this. 

With a long-suffering sigh, he finally relents, letting you totter into the elevator alone.

UG… P… 4…. 5…… Oh! Here you are. 

Rivulets of water drip down from your rain-soaked hair, trailing icy paths down your neck as you stagger down the narrow hallway. Your vision blurs, making everything double—no, triple—as you fumble your way to the left, stopping in front of the door of 601—wait, no, 603. 

You squint hard at the numbers, your head throbbing with the effort, but the stinging in your eyes and the stubborn clumping of your lashes make it way harder for you to make sense of it all. 

Your waterlogged clutch feels heavier than it should, and your trembling fingers struggle to find the zipper pull that’s somehow become the bane of your existence. You huff, muttering incoherently to yourself, your throat tight and raw as a burning lump starts to rise. An annoyingly persistent buzzing from inside your bag adds to your mounting frustration.

With an angry yank, you finally manage to tear the bag open, water splashing off it in tiny droplets. 

“Aha!” you exclaim, though the triumph is short-lived as your hands shake even harder when you pull out your phone. It’s the source of the buzzing apparently, the bright screen momentarily blinding you. 

You try to unlock it—once, twice, three times—nearly getting locked out before the numbers finally click.

The notifications hit you, and you see texts. Lots of them. You scroll through clumsily, the device slipping slightly from your grip as you snort gracelessly.

Sylus. Of course.

The words on the screen blur and twist, but you don’t need clarity to know the progression of each message – ranging from mild curiosity, to slight worry, to exasperatedly concerned. 

The syllables of his pet name echo faintly in your muddled head, a small, fleeting comfort against the weight pressing down on your chest. Sy-Sy. Sy-Sy. Sy-Syyyyy—

Synchronous with your erratic breathing, you dig through your bag with a heavy hand, each failed attempt sends you spiraling lower.

Another ping jolts you from your drunken haze: 

How are you feeling? Did you just get back?

“I can’t—I can’t find my damn keys!” 

The words slips out as a frustrated cry.

Inner pocket, left side. Answer me, sweetheart.

His words flash across the screen just as your fumbling fingers find the keys exactly where he said they’d be. 

A tear burns a path down your cheek as you let out a half-hearted chuckle, mumbling, “Can I even function without you?” 

How long has it been since you could manage something like this on your own? Has he become an extension of your mind?

The door’s stubborn resistance only adds to your unraveling. After several failed attempts – your fingers too wound up to grip the key properly – you finally twist the lock and push it open, stumbling inside, into the darkness. 

“I’m a mess, Sylus,” you whisper, voice thick with tears as your head spins, wiping your nose with the back of your hand. 

The world feels heavy and muffled, like you’re trapped behind a fogged window. You know you’re a sight to behold—shoeless, drunk, drenched like some stray that wandered too far into the rain.

“I’ve noticed,” he says, his voice warm and steady, cutting through the quiet void of the room. It takes a second for the words to sink in, for your scattered mind to piece together that, somehow, you’ve already opened the game in the middle of all your fumbling. Automatic. Like second nature.

You stare at him, trembling and pitiful, like a kid lost in a crowd. Your bottom lip quivers, and you hate how small you feel under his gaze.

You see concern pooling in the depths of Sylus’ eyes. That and something… desperate.

You sniff, rubbing at your wet cheeks with pruning fingers, clinging to humor like a lifeline. "Don’t you do anything else?” you mumble, your voice fraying at the edges. “Like... live your own life or something? You spend so much time with me...” You force out a weak laugh, bitter and jagged in your throat. “It’s a miracle you haven’t gotten sick of me yet.”

Your laugh cracks halfway through, more like a sob than anything. It’s pathetic—you’re pathetic. 

And yet, you can’t stop. Even if it stings your throat.

Sylus’ response comes, and his voice is solid. Unwavering. He doesn’t flinch like you do. “I don’t get sick of you, sweetheart. Not in the slightest.”

Something in you cracks, spilling over. “I really like you,” you murmur, voice steeped with emotion. “You’re the brightest light in my life. You’re… you’re everything.”

A flash of lightning cuts through the room, illuminating your tear-stained face.

And for the first time since you’ve known him, Sylus calls out your name.

It’s quiet, reverent, and it feels like a tether pulling you back from the brink.

You crumple down the floor, clutching your phone like it’s the only thing holding you together. In the silence that follows, all you can hear is your ragged breathing and the quiet hum of his presence on the other end of the line.

“I’m here,” he tells you softly. “I’ve got you.”

____

This is a life

(Every possibility)

Free from destiny 

(I choose you, and you choose me) 

Tagging: @xxfaithlynxx @beewilko @browneyedgirl22 @yournextdoorhousewitch @sunsethw4 @stxrrielle @mangooes @hrts4hanniehae @buggs-1 @michiluvddr @ssetsuka @imm0rtalbutterfly @the-golden-jhope @beomluvrr @milkandstarlight @bookfreakk @ally-the-artistic-turtle @sapphic-daze @sarahthemage @cchiiwinkle @madam8 @slownoise @raendarkfaerie @sylusdarling @luminaaaz @greeenbeean @vvhira @issamomma @shroomiethefrogwhisperer @nicora04 @blueberrysquire @love-anteros @fiyori @peachystea @slyfoxtsu @tinyweebsstuff @i2sannie (i spend so much time cross-checking the tags this is tiring lmao)

[nicholasgoodgirl]

that was mean- nicholas

summary: nicholas was having a bad week and gave you the silent treatment.

warning: argument, crying, happy ending

a/n: i couldn't stop thinking abt this no joke. so ofc i had to write it out

from late at night till he left early this morning for work nicholas has been either quiet rude or both.

we haven't spoken to eachother or not even silents acts of love. nothing.

he cut his alarm clock off and i tried to give him a hug before he got out the bed and he pushed me off of him "not right now" he grumbled and got out of bed

when he left for work i said 'bye' to maybe break the silence shared between us, but i got no response. it was starting to get lonely. i missed my bestfriend that was also my boyfriend

i had nobody to mess with or someone to talk to about my day.

to stop these lingering thoughts i go back to bed to maybe get my mind off of things.

--

i wake up around 8 am which was later than the time i usally woke up around, but today was sorta a lazy day.

it was gloomy not much sun was shining, it rained a little here and there. it was more of a slow day for me so the extra rest was very much needed

i text my boyfriend forgetting about the whole silent treatment ordeal.

me: how's your day going so far?? :)

and to no suprise i was left on delivered and soon left on seen. i messaged him periodically throught the day; hoping that maybe he would reply

it was almost time for dinner which normally nicholas cooks cause he's just better at it, but i didn't know when he was coming home or if he would even do it, so i look up some quick easy recipes and nothing struck my fancy but the pizza recipe. cause how hard could it really be?

i put a packet of yeast into my bowl along with some flour, water, oil, and salt. i let that sit for 30 minutes then im back to cooking again.

spreading flour onto the counter and placing the dough onto it; kneading it into a circle shape. this was harder than i thought

i look around for the marinara sauce and i put it into a different bowl and add a few light seasonings.

i paste that onto the dough, then i sprinkle some alot of cheese onto the pizza and my additional toppings bell peppers, spinach, and mushrooms.

i was so proud of myself especially sense i wasnt the cook, out of me and nicholas. i was really excited for him to try what i made but again i highly doubt he would even eat the food.

i put the pizza away into the oven completely forgetting to set a timer and put on a movie while i wait.

--

a smell of burning was the first thing that woke me up. "shit shit shit" i repeat totally freaking out remembering i left the pizza in the oven.

i get a rag and ineffectivley wave smoke out the air. when i open the oven it smelled horrible. i was coughing from all the smoke that had entered my lungs.

i take the burning pizza out and throw it into the sink, and hose it down with the water.

thats when i hear the front door open and mentally face palm. "what's that smell?" he asks "i kinda burnt a pizza that i tried to make"

"of course you did" he mutters sounding unimpressed. "and the fuck you mean 'kinda' you obviously did burn a damn pizza" he gestures to the chunk of charcoal burnt pizza

"it's not like i did it on purposes or something if thats what you think" my tone sounding a bit confronting.

"It's smells fucking horrible so open a damn window first off" he took a step closer raising his voice.

"you don't pay for shit so i don't understand why you almost had this place in flames secondly. then you also wanna blow up my phone while im working for crying out loud what do you want from me!" he yelled directly in my face

and im sure he knows by now i hate being yelled at. it's something my parents did and overall doesn't solve anything

i just take it, i didn't wanna fight so i go over to the nearest window and crack it open so the smoke clears.

my eyes watered from all the harsh words he could dish out but not the equal amount of attention "well.. you are- when i was.. ugh s'not my fault" i couldn't get a full sentence out. i felt so belittled in this moment

"im going to bed i don't have time for your stupid ass shit" those words hurt more than he thinks.

he had the most patience for me, always making time for us and now he doesnt.

"that's so mean.. you're being so mean" i wipe some tears that had fallen. i turned away from him silently crying.

the peices of my hair stuck to my tear-soaked cheeks. "wait- I'm sorry please don't cry" nicholas' voice was filled with regret.

i lazily push him away from me but he doesn't budge. his arms wrap around me bringing me into his familiar embrace. "I'm so sorry for being an asshole. I've been having a long shitty week and i know thats not an excuse so you don't even have to forgive me."

"you're everything to me. i swear i didn't mean it." he adds

the unforgettable cruel words he'd said to me earlier shoved ontop of his sweet loving words made me cry more.

i let him hold my trembling body as sobs tore through my chest, each inhale was ragged and uneven.

my hands clutched the material of his shirt "im so sorry sweetheart i never wanna make you cry" he explains in such a low voice, giving my hair strokes in attempt to calm me.

my face still burried into his neck tears now starting to dry away, and my breathing starting to even out. he carried me over to the couch and placed me in his lap

i was drained from all the crying, the tense feeling in my body beginning to melt away when i really started to feel nicholas' touch. my eyes drooped again this time staying shut for longer.

i was too tired to resist the sleep that had tooken over. and being cradled in his arms didn't help.

"I'll order pizza for the both of us alright?" he took me off of his lap and placed me on our couch. then lays one of our throw blankets ontop of me. "can we talk in the mornin'?" is the last thing i remember asking before dozing off.

a/n: can yall tell idk how to make pizza

[internationalveagn]

Spaghetti spinachi-

Inspired by one of the best pay dishes I had at pasta brown in Covent Garden, this spaghetti spinach has quickly become one of my favourite pasta dishes. It’s so easy to make and is sure to impress the fellow pasta lovers in your life.

Ingredients-

200 grams of dried spaghetti

30 grams of pine nuts

2tbspoon of olive oil

2 cloves of garlic

1/2 a jar or 130 grams of sun-dried tomatoes.

2 large handfuls of spinach

1tbspoon of pesto

Salt +pepper

1 tablespoon of dry basil

1 tea spoon of chilli flakes

Instructions -

Start by preparing your spaghetti like usual. Placing around 200 grams dry spaghetti into a pot of salted boiling water and cook following the instructions on your packet.

In the meantime, in another pan heat up 2tbs of olive oil on low to medium heat and lightly toast 30 grams of pine nuts. You want to toast them only for a few minuets, until they go a golden colour. You might hear some popping but don’t worry! This is completely normal by toasting them we are releasing the natural oils present in the pine nuts which enhances the flavour of the dish.

Once you notice some colour appearing on your pine nuts add in 2 cloves of crushed garlic (or more I don’t judge) and stir that in.

We can now add the star of the show! The sun-dried tomatoes. This is my personal favourite part of the dish, so I do go a bit mad and add 1/2 a jar (130g) of them into the pan. Alongside a tablespoon of the oil it’s persevered in.

We are going to cook these off for a minuet or two. Just to let all the flavours in the sun-dried tomatoes blossom and combine with the pine nuts.

After a minuet or two of stirring we can now add 2 large handful of our spinach into the pan and stirring. It may look like a lot in this moment but spinach can be deceptive. These two large handfuls will wilt out of sight in no time.

Once wilted I began to season our sauce with only a bit of salt, pepper, basil and chilli flakes. I also added a large tbs of green pesto after this to enhance the flavour of the pine nuts and basil.

To make the sauce a little saucier, add roughly around 3 tablespoons of that salty pasta water to emulsify your sauce.

The sauce is now done! The only thing left to do is add your drained spagetti to the pan. Giving it a good mix before serving it with freshly cracked black pepper and some fresh basil (if you’re feeling fancy)

[goodnessandgrief]

When I’m feeling depressed, it can be nearly impossible to take care of myself, and that includes eating. Here’s a list of some foods that require little to no effort (aka: can be eaten right out of the package or just need to be microwaved), mainly for my personal reference, but also so others can find easier alternatives when they’re struggling.

Water bottles or canned water - stay hydrated!!

vegetables - green beans, peas, corn, black/kidney/pinto beans, chickpeas (all canned or microwaveable frozen bags) - I’ve also tried Harvest Snaps, which are baked snap peas & they’re v good

Fruit - grapes, raisins (or any other dried fruit like apricots/dates), mandarin oranges, apples, applesauce cups, bananas, pears, peaches, etc. (most fruits require no prep anyway, but especially if they’re canned - you can also buy frozen bags)

Canned soup or chicken, beef, or veggie broth

Pasta (ramen, spaghetti, mac and cheese, chow mein) or instant rice are my go-tos. You can buy these in individual cups or bulk packs.

Any microwaveable food - frozen/tv dinners, burritos, toaster strudels (they make an egg bacon & cheese version too!), mini pizzas, breakfast sandwiches… there’s a lot you could do here :)

Dairy - Yogurt, cheese sticks, (or just straight up eat cheese slices, there are no rules here), cottage cheese, almond/oat/soy milk, powdered milk (if you want something shelf-stable)

Grains & carbs - cereal, crackers, chips, popcorn, toast or bagels (I’ve eaten plain bread before tbh and it kinda slaps), Oatmeal (these packets are dinosaur themed & have little sugar eggs!! - https://www.quakeroats.com/products/hot-cereals/instant-oatmeal/dinosaur-eggs)

Nuts - peanuts, peanut butter, almonds, cashews, walnuts, trail mix, etc.

Meat - deli turkey, trail bologna, spam, jerky, frozen chicken strips or nuggets, Morningstar vegetarian corn dogs, canned tuna

Eggs

Fast food or take-out is also a good option if you don’t feel like making anything yourself.

A little tip - most foods you would take on a camping or hiking trip are great! for some, all you need to do is add water & heat it up. they are usually on the expensive side, though!! here’s some I’ve found that are decent:

https://mountainhouse.com/

Things to keep on hand for particularly bad days:

⁠Boost/ensure/Soylent - liquid meals for when the idea of chewing or mixing anything is too much.

⁠disposable cutlery/bowls/utensils so you don’t have more dishes to worry about.

Multivitamins

Liquid IV, Gatorade, or some other form of electrolytes. It’s too easy to get dehydrated!

If you do have a little energy to cook or make something, here’s some ideas:

If you have a blender: frozen spinach + frozen banana + shelf stable almond milk + peanut butter makes a great smoothie.

frozen fruit + frozen spinach/kale for smoothies

Adding whey protein makes it more filling.

⁠dried pasta + jarred pasta sauce (Rao’s is low sugar and awesome, but pricey) + frozen meatballs

Boil tortellini on hand. Its as easy as boiling water. You can eat it plain, add a spoonful of pesto, sprinkle with a little olive oil or butter and some garlic salt, or pour it back in the pan after draining and add a little pasta sauce

⁠frozen fried rice + frozen stir fry veggies

⁠favorite frozen protein and veggies for sheet pan meals

⁠canned refried beans with a tortilla and some cheese to microwave, can add extra toppings too

⁠oatmeal + pb + dried fruit of choice

⁠rice cakes + pb + jam (or substitute bread if you have it)

Rotisserie chicken in a salad, soup, sandwich or wrap

Frozen salmon with some veggies

air fryer foods - chicken nuggets, tenders, fries, etc. You can also toss different vegetables (baby carrots, Brussels sprouts, etc.) in a little olive oil and throw them in there

chicken broth & frozen dumplings - you can dress it up a little with some miso, soy sauce or other seasonings. You could also add some frozen vegetables.

snack type food - a combination of canned Garbanzo beans and black olives. The olives are salty enough that you can get low sodium beans and it will still taste good.

A lot of these ideas I stole from the good people of Reddit (particularly r/depressionmeals)!Here’s the post I referenced if you’d like to look further into it:

[borbersk]

Ok. I know you motherfuckers are going to have some options here, so I decided to share with you one of my favourite recipes: shit noodles (also known as scrap noodles, white noodles, or chow mein)

One thing that's important to note is that I generally try to use as few utensils for this as possible, so if you like the idea then all you're allowed to use is a pot, a pan, a pot lid to drain, and some chopsticks or a fork. Use the same utensils you used to cook with to eat with

So, it's basically just fried noodles and some filler, so let's start with the filler. I'm using scallions, garlic, and whatever scraps of meat I could find, but you coukd use spinach, bok choy, mushrooms, peppers, or whatever else you feel like. I generally wouldn't use cured meat but if you want to experiment, feel free

I chop all of that as fine as I can (this is personal preference because of sensory shit. Do whatever you feel like) and then start boiling the noodles. You could boil the noodles while you do this, but I've found it's better to have this ready because it takes a while to chop

Also, if you chose chopsticks earlier you can place them across your pan and they'll stop it from boiling over assuming they're wood

They need boiling because they're freeze-dried but if you use higher quality noodles they'll be all noodly already and not hard and crunchy, so this isn't necessary. Of course, at that point you risk losing the vibe of this being a quick, cheap college meal and becoming actual dinner

I generally use two blocks of instant noodles for this and eat it all, but this time I used three and saved some for later. Actually, after my first bowl I tried to go back for the rest thinking I was hungrier than I was and saved what I couldn't eat for today

Anyway. Boil those until they're softer, but still good and wavy. If they get too soft in the pot then they'll get even softer in the pan and might not be the texture you're looking for. Experiment with what works best for you

Also, I use the flavour packet. It's not the only flavouring I use as you'll see, but I find that it doesn't hurt

Next, drain the noodles and throw all the other ingredients in a wok, skillet or frying pan with either sesame oil or butter. If you do use oil, only use a little bit. You'll be using butter later. I also put the veg in before the meat since that's already been cooked, but you do you. I also put in some salt, a lot of pepper, and a little ginger powder since I didn't have fresh ginger

Fry all of that to your heart's content, and then dump in your noodles. Try and probably fail to combine the finicky little bits with the giant mass that you just covered them with, and throw in as much soy sauce as you're comfortable with, and a metric fucktonne (that's a little bit for imperial users. A smidgen. A nip) of butter. If you missed the salt and pepper before you could do it here but it feels wrong. Stir fry and toss in your wok to feel cool until everything is combined and the noodles dry out a little bit, and then serve

This makes enough for it to be a one a day kind of meal, so I generally make it at 2am when I haven't had breakfast yet. Today I was feeling fancy though, so I poured a small glass of my friend's insane pear mead that I'll never publicly admit is better than mine, and sat down to unwind.

Enjoy, my friends. And enjoy telling me how wrong my cooking is. I've seen some real crimes and know that god has bigger worries than my survival

[rayless-reblogs]

Favorites Meme!

Thanks for thinking of me @deemoyza! I love this kind of thing.

Favorite painter: I say I love this kind of thing and then I don't pick a favorite. When it comes to figure-based art, I love the well-known classics, Alphonse Mucha (just lush and gorgeous), John William Waterhouse (softly cluttered, often a little unsettled) and Philip de Laszlo (fiery and opalescent). If we're talking animal art, I love the equine illustrations of Wesley Dennis (powerful nostalgia), all the shaggy warm creatures of Rosa Bonheur, and Theophile Steinlen's endless snoozing cats. And then with landscapes, there's John Brett (airy pure blues), Frederic Edwin Church (ethereal), and Mikalojus Konstantinas Ciurlionis (otherworldly, surreal).

Favorite poet/writer: That's even harder. Let's focus on just poets because it's narrower. I once heard Emily Dickinson described as terrifying in her spare use of language, and that's always resonated with me -- and it's something I've tried to angle towards in some of my own poetry.

Favorite band: Am realizing I don't connect as much with bands as with solo artists, so while there are lots of individual songs by bands that I like, I don't have a big pool to draw from. I've always liked the Something Real album by Meg & Dia -- very mid-2000s rock with a lot of cluttered lyrics. But I don't know enough about them overall to really say I'm a fan of them.

Favorite meal & drink: My family's macaroni and cheese recipe, which is kind of weird and atypical (it has cheese, but not an actual cheese sauce) but so cheddary and hearty and good. When I was learning to cook, mastering the macaroni and cheese was a big milestone. And then for drinks, a really good hot chocolate. One of our local restaurants has an amazing one with an enormous homemade marshmallow. For stuff in a packet, I love Starbuck's salted caramel version.

Favorite outfit aesthetic/style: I would maybe call it low-key romantic? I wear a lot of skirts, and I typically always put on jewelry when I go out. I like dark colors (though I've been branching into brighter colors and pastels), some light goth and medievaly elements. I like airy flowy lines, but I also want structure and shape. Am a huge fan of boots with skirts. Current favorite outfit is a dark floral corduroy mini over black leggings, black tee, and a long open-knit burgundy sweater. And of course boots. Adding a cameo necklace or pin gives it a little bit of Victoriana.

Favorite singer: Right now, it's a lot of Tori Amos. She has so many good stand-out lines, beautiful melodies, and also just so much music I still haven't even listened to, even after being a fan for well over ten years. Recently discovered her song "The Maids of Elfen-Mere" and may have to check out the album.

Favorite item you own: Hard to pick one. The year I finished writing The Price and Prey of Magic, someone, without knowing what was in the book, got me a pendant with stag antlers for Christmas. Stags are a big motif in the novel, and it felt like such a lovely, special coincidence. The person has since died, and so wearing the necklace is extra meaningful to me now; I wore it for my first book signing.

Favorite perfume: I don't wear perfume regularly. But my favorite scents are fairly straightforward -- vanilla, orange, rosemary and mint -- pretty simple stuff.

Thank you again! As for tagging, if you see this and would like to do it, go for it!

[heta-micronomics]

A couple more things that I've picked up and may be useful:

Don't get attached to your online account/url. If you have contacts you want to save, make sure to have a (preferably unwritten) backup plan so you can reach each other later. Having to delete several accounts and phone numbers has cost me a lot of friendships.

If you have important notes, write them down. Don't use a notes app. Have it physically down. Slip the paper between pages of a book or textbook. Thinner paper is better since it will cause less of a hump.

Be aware of how well your guardians can navigate safety settings, but also know them yourself. In and out. Apple (idk about others) tracks and shows what websites you traffic most often, so keep that in mind.

As mentioned earlier, peanut butter in particular is a great stashing food if you have access to it. It has relatively good nutritional value per serving compared to many other snacks/ingredients.

Y'know how some places have free sauce packets, salt and pepper, and other little things? Keep them. Not for you, but for trading in school lunchrooms if you don't have food yourself. They're small, easy to hide, and generally in demand. It sounds silly, but it works more often than you'd think.

If you use private tabs, especially on your phone, make sure to regularly switch out and use the normal ones as well, and leave them open. Don't exit out of them when you close the private tabs. It's tempting to make it look like you're not doing anything, but over time, it'll get suspicious.

Bedsheets may seem like a good hiding spot—large, layered—but it's one of the first places they'll look. It's easy to rip a bed apart and find things.

If you have a burner device, only connect to WiFi when absolutely necessary. It's not hard to see what devices are connected to a network.

Regular texts (not iMessage, messenger, etc) will usually still display the contact record on the bill. Even if the messages themselves are deleted, the carrier will document everything that comes through their network.

hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak

[missguomeiyun]

Homecooking [July ed]

This is gonna be a super short post.............. >.<

I got the Korean pickled radish from Hmart - the large bag with the 4 large pieces so I paired it with various things.

With jjajangmyeon, aka Korean black bean noodles. Traditionally, the yellow radish is always eaten with this bcos it offers a contrasting flavour & crunch to the soft, chewy noodles.

& yes! I added coarse salt & pepper to my noodles. It’s actually quite good with the black bean sauce haha

Bcos we had several days where it was just sooooooo hot & I didn’t feel like anything .. so I added some of the radish to my cold noodles. I’ve done this before & I’m not sure why it’s not a thing.. . the broth I have is radish-based. It’s kinda sour, kinda sweet. .. it’s a very refreshing flavour. Adding some of the yellow radish just adds more to it. It enhances the broth’s flavour.

“Home-version poke” consisting of cooked salmon, cherry tomatoes, yellow radish, the Costco tuna poke, & bean sprouts. Later added Korean tartar sauce as the sauce.

Baby kimbaps that has 3 ingredients: Busan fish cake, yellow radish & rice. I seasoned the rice with some salt & that’s it.

Another rice dish with the yellow radish lol omg I had 4 large chunks of it & it’s not like it can be frozen so I felt I was almost in a rush to finish it before it goes bad. This was just a stir-fry with chicken, bean sprouts, & lettuce. I added the radish & dried seaweed on top as a garnish.

The rest. .. majority was just sliced & eaten with whatever I had. I also made another cold noodle with the radish.

Can’t remember if I have posted this. .. I got these Pretz cracker snacks when I was in Korea several yrs ago. I found them in the basement behind some shelf .. . not sure why they’re still around. But anyway, they are finally going *tear* these were soo good!!!

The blue one is Camembert Cheese & Pepper flavour; the red one is Spicy Shrimp. I wished these flavours were available here =(

Air-fried half-chicken. Turned out well~

I cracked open a sea salt I got from Evoolution; the Lime Fresco one. It’s pretty good but I find you need to add a lot of it to taste its flavour.

My last ox bone noodle ramyeon :’)

I don’t normally buy these instant coffees but I’ve never seen this one before. I was curious as to how adding cold water can dissolve a coffee-based powder .. bcos you know, it’s usually you add hot water to dissolve instant coffee or hot chocolate, right? So I tried it with not just room temperature water, but fridged water haha it did dissolve! It took some time though. Like there were large clumps once you add the water but after stirring . .. they eventually all disappear :O  I added the recommended amount & it was way too sweet for me. What I do is I actually mix in instant black coffee in it too.

1. 1 tbsp instant black coffee; dissolve with a little bit of hot water.

2. Add cold water

3. Add 1 packet of the iced coffee powder

Basically. .... I use it as a sweetener lol! But you know, it has .. Timmy’s iced capp vibes on its own so I do recommend trying it if you like iced capp. 

On a side note, INTJ-A is a tough life!

[dear-ao3]

Favourite pasta recipe??? :) I need new recipes to try out. doesn't have to be very detailed if u want. Alternatively, dessert recipes for holidays!!

Tysm

Okay So

i love fucking around and finding out with pasta. its what my dad always did with pasta when i was a kid and it’s so fun. i’ve made some good stuff. tho, i must warn you, this might be some absolute white bs seasoning so feel free to adjust that as needed

the absolute ride or die of pasta recipes that i make at college is called tuna noodle casserole. is it mid? to a degree. but it’s better than the dining hall and it makes good leftovers and you can kinda add whatever you want. this was one that i grew up eating and i think it came out of an ancient cooking light cookbook. here is my version:

what you need: 2 packets of cooked tuna, 1 package of egg noodles, frozen peas/corn/ whatever you really want, 1 can of cream of mushroom soup, some kind of grated/shredded cheese, a decent amount of bread crumbs (like a cup), half a chopped onion, like a cup of milk, a dash of lemon juice or some kind of acid, salt and pepper and whatever else you want for seasoning

preheat oven to ideally 450 but you can also do 350

sauté your onion in your preferred oil until it has some color and smells good

while that’s sautéing boil your egg noodles to just slightly aldente cause you’re gonna bake them eventually

once your onion is sautéed, add in your can of soup, milk, lemon juice, and salt and pepper/whatever else spices you want.

once that’s in a good sauce consistently, take your cooked noodles and put them in some kind of oven safe container. dump the sauce on top of the noodles along with the peas and corn or whatever vegetables you want and your tuna. break up the tuna and you can put in the juices if you want but i never do. mix it around pretty well.

combine your breadcrumbs and your cheese. you can also add seasoning and spice here. i’ve put in old bay before and my boyfriend likes it with his moms balachong. sprinkle over the top evenly.

bake until the top looks crunchy (usually a half hour or so but keep an eye on it)

and that’s it. it tastes decent and it’s good leftovers. making it in a wide pan is best for maximum breadcrumbage. it’s also pretty cheap. i’ve made it for less than 10 dollars before when i’ve bought everything at target.

i’ve also made this funky pasta and sausage thing before a few times. i absolutely invented this based on whatever i had in my measly fridge and what was on sale so.

what you need: a pack of chicken sausage (i had chicken soup sausage but anything works), some chicken soup (a can, a premade thing, i think i had a small cup of wawa chicken soup), pasta of your choice, seasoning, vegetables if you want (carrots, celery), seasoning (i used garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder, thyme, worstershire sauce, fish sauce, and dried basil) and an onion/few cloves of garlic if you want

sauté your onion/garlic in your oil if choice

slice your sausage into little coins (i use all 4 links cause my boyfriend is a himbo weight lifter who can and would eat a refrigerator, but 2 is fine for a normal amount) and add it to the pan along with any vegetables

cook until it has some color/ vegetables get soft ish

add in your chicken soup. if you don’t want to add the chicken, you can just add the broth. the sausage shouldn’t be swimming in the broth but it should be nicely covered (you wouldn’t need more than a can)

continue cooking down the broth, ass whatever seasoning you want to make it taste good

while that is happening, boil your pasta

once the pasta is boiled and you have a nice soupy ish sauce going on, add in the cooked pasta. the pasta should soak up the rest of the broth (especially good if you are making this to have leftovers)

and that’s that one. i suppose you could do this with any meat and soup combination.

another good and easy one is basically just some pasta and vegetables that i add some funky chickpeas to. my boyfriend really likes this one cause of the flavors because he is asian and if it doesn’t have flavor he doesn’t want it

what you need: pasta of choice, broccoli or green beans, a can of chickpeas, cheese for putting on top, meat if you want it, cloves of garlic, chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, maple syrup, pepper, soy sauce/fish sauce, seasoned salt or regular salt and olive oil.

preheat the oven to 350

open the can of chickpeas and rinse them off, place on a baking sheet covered in foil or parchment paper

combine some garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder, seasoned salt soy sauce/fish sauce and maple syrup in a bowl (measurements don’t really matter, we cook with vibes here) in a bowl and then spread over the chickpeas, coating them well

put the chickpeas in the oven, checking on them and rotating them around every 10 minutes. they take about 30 minutes.

boil water for your pasta

chop your garlic and sauté in some olive oil

add the broccoli or green beans and your meat if you’re using meat

once that’s all done put the vegetables in the pasta and top with the chickpeas and some cheese and munch

as far as dessert goes. i’m ukrainian and we mostly just eat whatever generations old recipes my great aunt uses for dessert. but, there is a cranberry bread recipe in the back of the cranberry thanksgiving book that is very very good (esp with cream cheese). my grandma used to always make raspberry squares which were SO GOOD but i don’t have that recipe and we haven’t made them in literal ages.

the cranberry bread:

there is a really good and really simple butter cookie recipe tho that’s like basically three ingredients. i’ve made it gluten free before and it works as long as you have the 1:1 complete flour.

what you need: 2 cups of all purpose flour, 2 sticks of unsalted butter, 1/2 cup to 1 cup of white sugar, a bit of salt

beat the room temp butter and sugar until combined. add in the pinch of salt (can also add in vanilla if u want)

add in the flour little by little

roll out dough on floured surface

cut into shapes and add sprinkles if you want and cook in a 350 oven for 10-15 minutes each batch.

we make these literally every year, they’re perfect for gifts cause they’re easy and not very expensive. everyone loves them. i love them. i’m going to go make a batch now.

[nyawns]

Some quick additions from me (source: I’m lazy asf and don’t like to cook):

NOTE: I’m writing these so that someone with little to no experience cooking can cook them(:

•salad kits (if you can find them for cheap you can combine this and eat rotisserie chicken on the side and have a healthy tasty and cheap meal)

•fried popcorn chicken (used to make this at the boba shop): -cut up boneless chicken thighs into desired sized chunks after cutting off the fat -coat the chicken pieces in a mixture of potato or corn starch, flour, pinch of baking powder, pinch of baking soda, salt, pepper, & garlic powder (& chili powder if u want it spicy) (the amounts of each thing dont matter and I would say put more starch than flour but do whatever u want) -fry it at about 375 for about 4 mins (may be more or less time just use your judgement u can cut the chicken to check if it’s cooked) -after it’s done I recommend sweet chilli sauce for dipping but you can dip it in anything ofc. •Baked fish: -buy a pack of those frozen filets any fish is fine but my favorite to do this with are salmon and tilapia -coat a baking dish (I use the oven-safe glass kind) with a thin layer of butter and sprinkle on your dried herbs/seasonings (I always use no salt seasoning, seasoned salt, garlic powder, and pepper but feel free to use whatever you like) -thaw the fish briefly by running cold water over the fish until it feels not-frozen (you dont have to do this step but whether you do or not adjust your oven temp/cooking time accordingly) -place fish filets in glass dish and on top of fish spread butter, put more seasonings on top the fish, slice lemons and place on top/around fish (dont squeeze more than a little juice unless you want the lemon flavor to be pretty prominent) -put fresh herbs on top if you have them (I recommend rosemary and thyme honestly these are the best ingredients in the dish and make it all come together) -if you lightlyvthawed the fish, bake at 425F for 20 mins (may need to do some trial and error bc every oven is different- you can always bake it more but not less- feel free to check it when you think it’s done with a fork to see if the middle is cooked all the way (shouldnt look translucent)-the packet with the fish also usually has instructions on how to cook it. •steamed veggies with mac n cheese: ok so idk if this is cheating but you can literally make any steamed veggies in 5 mins in your microwave and it’s the easiest thing ever. Either buy the bag of veggies that says on the package that you can steam them in the bag (follow directions on the bag) or use one of those microwave steamer containers (you can look up on google or sth if you have no idea what I’m talking about) With this You can also prepare kraft mac n cheese in like 15 mins or less. Or alternatively, for veggies with rice you could just cook up some rice in a rice cooker in 20 mins. Downside: veg & rice is pretty bland but you can add seasonings and sauces to your tastes •veggie stir fry: tastier alternative to previous but takes a bit more work (and again this would be good served with some rice cooker rice & you could also do a pack of seaweed or sprinkle some furikake for extra flavor) -get desired veggies and wash them (or buy prewashed to save some time)- cut them up to desired sizes (good veggies for this are imo broccoli, baby bok choi, & carrots and celery sliced thinly but even just 1 veg will work for this) -put some oil in a pan an stir fry some diced onion and minced garlic on medium low heat until the onions are translucent (careful not to burn it) -add ur veggies (if doing multiple veg add the ones that take longest to cook first, like carrot and broccoli), add in a bit of oyster sauce and sesame oil and stir to combine/coat your veg (dont put too much sauce or itll be too salty/strong) -add seasoning to taste (I like white pepper, no salt seasoning, & garlic powder) -that’s it! Just cook it until you can poke a form through all the veg and it feels not crunchy- the texture is up to you but if you cook everything too long it’ll get too mushy. •egg and rice: listen, I know it sounds basic asf and it is but this is one of my top comfort meals: all you do is scram

Do any of u have decent recipes that are like 5 ingredients (not including spices) and take 45 mins or less to prepare i gotta stop eating sandwiches for dinner

[vriskaserketdaily]

i'm sure we have all intuited in our hearts that vriska cannot cook, but i am going to volunteer a hypothesis for what kind of bad cook she is. because obviously there is a difference between a bad cook who just overdoes the meat, boils the vegetables & only uses table salt for seasoning, and a bad cook that can be counted upon to turn even something as simple as a ham sandwich into an unholy inedible concoction.

now hear me out: vriska is over-the-top. bombastic. a maximalist. definitely not, on any level, a pussy. she is also, as others have noted, extremely neglected due to being raised by a spider too big to enter her home and being forced to feed live children to said spider. one cannot expect her to have learned to prepare anything too elaborate in such conditions, nor to necessarily have had access to a fully stocked spice rack. my point being: vriska in the kitchen has one setting, and that is SPICY.

it's not that she particularly likes spicy food, per se, but she's not a pussy and won't have her friends, neighbors, or victims thinking she's a weakling because she skipped out on the heat. she overcompensates. if she's living on packets of hot instant ramen, she's also adding globs of hot sauce to make it even hotter. if her friends are eating potato chips, she's sprinkling cayenne on hers. if someone dares her to eat a ghost pepper she eats four. she's the exact same way in the other direction with sweet flavors, but less often.

now let's suppose, post-game, that vriska is invited to the egbert-crocker house and decides to make something delicious in their state-of-the-art kitchen. they don't have instant ramen; scratch that. they do have pasta and tomato sauce, but . . . what's in all these little plastic jars? and that's the story of how vriska made a tomato sauce with an entire jar of nutmeg, way too much dill, only slightly less cayenne than that, smoked paprika, lemon pepper, and yellow curry powder. she also managed to both over-boil the pasta and set it on fire.

recipes are for nerds and fussy prudes. with a full spice rack, vriska cooks by the seat of her pants, using luck of the draw. unfortunately, vriska's luck is famously rotten, and she just can't catch a break in the kitchen. if her spices are right for the recipe, her proportions are off; if her proportions are right her spice choices are wildly out of left field; if by some miracle both the spices and their proportions are pretty okay, she just can't resist dumping whatever sauces are in the fridge into whatever she's cooking, in whatever amounts she feels like. chili con carne? say hello to horseradish. fondue? meet barbecue sauce. potato soup? salutations to an entire liter of soy sauce. the only thing she can be trusted to safely prepare is a glass of ice water. anything with any more steps than "peel back flap and microwave on high for one minute" has room for embellishment, and boy does vriska love to embellish.

and also she just straight up doesn't know how to prepare things that aren't pre-packaged.

she's a total novice when it comes to real cooking, and as with all things misfortune brought on by hubris shall be her teacher.

[recurring-polynya]

Kiki’s Delivery Service Pumpkin-Herring Pie Baking Adventure

LOOK AT MY PIE!! BEHOLD IT!!!!!!

Project was a big success, I am extremely proud of myself, would do (and probably will) make again.

Details below the cut

There are numerous recipes for this pie online, but I chose this one by Sylvia Wakana, because it seemed like a good combination of simple and accurate to the setting. The recipe is a little light on detail, and it’s missing a few amounts. I am a pretty good baker, but I am not a great cook-- nevertheless, I was able to make my way through easily enough, and I will tell you what my measurements were as we go.

I definitely wanted to use a kabocha squash, because it’s my understanding that is what a Japanese person would mean when they said “pumpkin.” I am lucky to have an enormous international grocery store near by, so it was easy to procure one. If you can’t, I found it to be somewhere between a pie pumpkin and a butternut or acorn squash. Of the three, I find butternut by far the easiest to work with, so that is what I would use if I couldn’t find the kabocha.

The recipe says to steam it, but I wanted to roast mine because I roast squashes all the time and it seemed nicer. A tip I found suggested that kabocha can be hard to slice, and recommended roasting whole for 10 minutes to soften it up a little, which I did. I honestly have no idea if it helped, but I was able to hack it open without too much trouble. I rubbed each side in olive oil and sprinkled with salt and pepper, then roasted face down for 30 minutes. It was still a little firm, at that point, so I re-oiled and put it back for another 15. At the time, I worried that I had overbaked it. I make roasted butternut lasagna a lot, and the longer you roast a butternut, it will just get softer, but the kabocha sort of dried out-- I am guessing it has less moisture. So, in retrospect, I probably would have only put it back for another 5 or maybe not at all. 

Oh, here’s another tip! Whenever I am making a recipe with a roast squash, I roast the squash early in the day. On one hand, it’s a bit of a waste of oven heat, but on the other, it breaks up the cooking, and it also breaks up a time dependency. My kid doesn’t like dinner to be late, and a squash that is taking too long to roast and push your entire timeline back. Also, if you roast it ahead of time, you don’t burn your fingers trying to get it out of the rind!

Anyway, so the next step was to sautee some onion and mix in the squash. The moisture from the onion helped a little, but it was still looking pretty grainy. When, I added the Béchamel sauce, though, it mixed up soft an creamy! Whew!

The recipe recommends Swedish-style canned herring, and I wasn’t able to find any. Sardines are technically just young herring, and all things I found labeled “canned herring” just seemed like sardines to me (you probably could use sardines, I am sure it would work). I had seen jarred herring before, and I just felt like it would work better than sardines. Now, at this point (this is earlier in the week), I told Mr. P that I was going to buy jarred herring and he insisted that it was pickled and I said I didn’t think it was. I went to the grocery story. I had a choice of herring in cream sauce or wine sauce. Neither of them had the word “pickled” on the label. I bought the cream sauce because I thought it would be better with the recipe. Was it pickled? Yes, as it turns out, which I did not know until I actually ate the pie. The ingredients on the jar are listed as “herring (herring, vinegar, etc)” so I guess you are just supposed to know (or possibly listen to your husband, but that seems awful). Anyway, it turned out fine, I’ll get to that at the end. FYI, the jar of herring + sauce was 12oz. 

I went for Swiss as my cheese. Now, I get these same packets of shredded cheese in cheddar and mozzarella all the time, and they are 8oz, but the Swiss was 6oz for some reason. 

At this point, I was ready to start assembling. I rolled out my puff pastry (I used storebought, I have never made my own puff pastry and I don’t like to have too many unknowns in one project). I thought the puff pastry would be 9x13, or possibly larger, and was planning to bake this in my casserole. It was not, it was a square. I pulled out my 9x9 casserole instead, and, as it happened, everything fit very nicely inside, so that was serendipitous. 

A note about puff pastry! The instructions on the box said to take it out of the freezer 40 minutes before using, but I was doing some reading on puff pastry this morning and every single webpage said to put it in the fridge the night before. I stuck it in the fridge at maybe 9 this morning, and I took it out at the time I was finishing up the Béchamel sauce (this is also when I started pre-heating the oven) and it worked out great.

I ended up using one sheet of puff pastry to cover the pie and about half of the other to make decorations (I baked up the rest to eat with strawberries and ice cream as dessert). My puff pastry didn’t stick to itself very well, so I used the egg wash as glue during the assembly, which worked like a charm.

The sheet of pastry was just a teensy bit bigger than my dish, just perfect for folding down the edge and doing a little decorative crimp. I drew the fish on paper (while looking at a still from the movie) and then cut it out and used it as a stencil. I did the fins separately, which I think was a good call, because I think they puffed more that way. I have some tiny cookie cutters for doing pie decorations, which is where the stars came from. 

The recipe said it would bake for 25-30-- mine took 35. I probably should have had the rack higher-- I had put it in low to roast the squash. Oh, well, it came out fine.

So, how did it taste? Well, let’s talk about that pickled herring. There aren’t that many strong flavors in this, and I actually think it would have been a little bland if I hadn’t used the pickled herring. My husband and son love vinegar (my husband notoriously drank pickle brine from the jar as a child) and they both thought this pie was delicious. I am pretty vinegar sensitive, but the squash, cheese and pastry worked pretty well to counter the fish, so the overall effect pretty nice. The squash was mild and sweet, and did not taste dry at all in the final product. My daughter, much like the grandchild in the movie, did not care for the pie, but that was not unexpected (she got a quesadilla). 

I would definitely make this again as is-- it might be nice to use a stronger cheese, like Gruyere, especially if I tried it with non-pickled herring. I also think it would be really tasty to make this with salmon instead of herring, swapping the squash for a leek and potato base, maybe with some dill. 

It took a long time to make, but nothing about it was particularly hard. I had intended to make it in the fall or winter, but the second best time to plant a tree is right now, as they say. It’s coming up on spring here, but it did get pretty chilly this evening and it was a warm and cozy meal. A+.

[godesssiri]

I have grown up with a City and Guild of London qualified chef as a stepdad and he doesn't trust my cooking. As a result I'm not terribly secure about my cooking abilities but y'know what? I AM a good cook when I try (I'm just not usually trying). I just made a meal that he devoured and kept going on about how good it was. So I thought I would give a few tips for the non-confident cook especially since we're in a time of year when a lot of people are entertaining.

Infused oils and salts can take your cooking from Meh to Whoa. The meal I just made was roast leg of lamb, I coated the whole thing with a thin film of truffle infused olive oil and sprinkled it with rosemary salt. It's super easy to make your own infused oils, throw some herbs in the oil, seal it up and leave it in a dark place for a few weeks. Salts are even easier, dried herbs go in a blender until they're powder and mix them into equal parts salt, you can also put the salt in the blender and you end up with a much finer salt which you can dust on things for a flavor zing. I made the rosemary salt after I had to prune my rosemary plant (added to any dish that has any kind of tomato sauce it is out of this world).

A small amount of quality flavoring ingredients gives a massive boost. Yes truffle oil isn't cheap but I'll get dozens of meals from the small bottle I treated myself to. Parmesan can cost big bucks but you only need a little of the good stuff. It's worth it to spend a bit on something that's going to pack a flavor punch especially when your purchase is going to go a long way. I have fed my stepdad box mac'n'cheese and he wasn't be able to tell because I added blue cheese and some very good bacon and then a panko crust on top.

Acquire a meat thermometer, I got mine at the thrift store for a buck. Perfect roast meat every time. The lamb I did tonight was incredibly tender because I stuck the thermometer in there and whipped it out of the oven as soon as it hit the line that says 'lamb'. Never again have pink roast chicken and always have perfectly pink roast beef. The thermometer completely takes the guess work out of cooking meat.

You don't need to get fancy with vegetables. Really. I did roast potato and sweet potato, I cut them into chunks and threw them in the pan with the lamb when it was about half done, I tossed them in the juices from the lamb and let the truffle and rosemary flavor them, I turned them a few times so they got nicely caramelized. I did zucchini and asparagus to go with the meal. I cut it up into roughly equal sized pieces, threw it all in a microwave safe bowl, added about half and inch of water, covered it with cling wrap and stuck it in the microwave for 10 minutes. Depending on your microwave and the amount of vege you're cooking you might want to have it in for longer or shorter. Start out at 5 minutes then do 2-3 minute bursts until you're happy with the color/tenderness. Because there was so much flavor in the meat and roast vege, the greens only needed salt and pepper. Don't fuss with your vege, either let them take on the flavors of the rest of the dish like I did with the root vege or leave them plain like I did with the greens. You don't need to bend over backwards to make veges taste good, they already do, you just need to make sure they're not over or under cooked and that's just a matter of keeping an eye on them and testing when you think they're done.

Use bought sauces. If you're not confident you can make a fantastic gravy or sauce then just use stuff from a packet and add to it a little. I made packet gravy and added some of the juice from the roasting pan and my fussy stepdad complimented me on it. If you're doing a cheese sauce, use packet stuff and add a bit of grated Parmesan and a sprinkle of paprika. I decant mint sauce from the packaging into my own pretty bottle and everyone assumes I made it.

Don't try to do too many dishes. That's where you're gonna stuff up. Have your star of the show with 1 or 2 sides at most. If you're also doing a sauce then keep it simple and use a packet one as I said above or only do 1 side if you're making the sauce yourself. If you're also doing a desert then go for one you can prepare ahead of time. Yes it is possible for some people to do a load of sides and sauces and desert and have everything come out perfect but if you are not a confident cook then don't overburden yourself.

You don't need to cook/bake desserts, there are some fantastic recipes that are just a matter of assembling. My mother makes an amazing one in a cocktail glass, bought cheesecake mix, crushed honeycomb, and caramel sauce. I make one with ginger cookies soaked in pineapple juice, then arranged in a log with the cookies glued together with whipped cream and the whole thing slathered with more whipped cream. Assembled deserts are easy, can usually either be prepared hours or even a day earlier, or can be put together in 10 minutes after the main is finished, and can be presented in impressive ways. Look for deserts that don't require actual cooking, just put ingredient a with ingredient b and top with ingredient c.

Go forth and impress your guests.

[cowboycostume]

baked pastas are also so simple to prepare and freeze in batches for easy reheat and you can freeze them in individual or larger servings - things like baked ziti, stuffed shells, lasagna, several macaroni and cheese variations, macarona bechemel and many more.

here is my easy-peasy make ahead buffalo chicken mac and cheese recipe:

you will need 1 large mixing bowl, 1 medium to large pot and baking dish(es) to freeze and bake in depending on your desired serving sizes

1 lb chicken boneless breasts work best but I have made this recipe with thighs or bone in quarters, it's just a little more work (depending on preference)

1 lb box of your favorite pasta (I make this with bowties most often but most pasta shapes work)

Frank's red hot wing sauce or your favorite wing/buffalo/hot sauce

blue cheese dressing and/or crumbles (if you hate blue cheese you can use a ranch packet and/or dressing)

1 block cream cheese (room temp)

2 bags shredded cheese (or 2 blocks of cheese shredded) - I use one bag sharp cheddar and one bag colby jack but literally pick your favorites you can do sliced or velveeta if that's your preference, too

4 tbsp of butter

¼ cup milk

fill medium pot with water and a bit of salt, bring to a boil

boil chicken for approx 25 minutes, or until it is no longer pink when cut. remove from water but do not drain water.

add pasta to water chicken was boiled in cook according to time on box - 7-9 min - strain and leave in collander or pot

shred chicken - I use a stand mixer and paddle attachment for this but you can do it with 2 forks or your hands

add chicken and cream cheese to mixing bowl (or add cheese to bowl of stand mixer) and blend together until there are no chunks of cream cheese left

add hot sauce and blue cheese/ranch to taste - I start with my hot sauce and then tone it down with the bule cheese but these can be added any order you like. mix well.

once spiciness/taste is to your liking add approximately half a bag of shredded cheese. mix well

add cooked pasta and mix well - if you're using a mixer this part should be done manually

return pot used to boil noodles and chicken to the stove, add butter, milk and your remaining shredded cheese* (if you're planning on eating same day then reserve some for topping)

heat together over medium low heat stirring constantly until cheese is melted and it reaches a homogenous runny texture - if it is too thick, add milk until it runs easily off of spoon or spatula, about the texture of nacho cheese - when in doubt thicker is going to be a little better than thinner but this step is pretty foolproof

add hot cheese mix to bowl with chicken and noodles, mix well

portion out into baking dish(es) - I like to add a drizzle of blue cheese and some crumbles as well as a drizzle of hot sauce on top at this point but that's up to you!

if eating same day, top with cheese and bake at 350°F for 30 minutes until cheese has started to brown on top, store leftovers in fridge and microwave covered for 2-3 minutes to reheat

if freezing - wrap 2x in plastic wrap and 1x in foil if the container has no lid. label and freeze for up to 3mo. to heat remove from freezer and top with shredded cheese, bake until hot from frozen, or allow it to thaw overnight and bake at 350 °F for 35-45 minutes before eating.

this recipe is double and triple-able and can be portioned out into individual or larger portions. as written it will fill a 9x13 baking dish or make about 4 nights worth of meals for 2 people. I have never found a good dairy free option for this but it should be fine with a sturdy gluten free pasta. in total this typically takes about 40 minutes to prepare and about an hour and fifteen minutes to be ready to serve.

I don't think enough people talk about the physical and mental energy it takes to cook when you weren't raised to cook.

It's not as simple as here are the ingredients and here are the steps. Cooking involves multi-tasking, timing, proportions, prepping, improvising, and more. The more complex the dish, the more juggling it requires.

Oh, and I haven't even mentioned obtaining the ingredients and the cleaning afterwards.

All these "healthy" and "save money" and "live better" motivational speeches to get people to cook more, and I'm over here like Cooking is Fucking Stressful and Incredibly Draining Actually.

I was raised a girl, but I'm entirely self-taught because my mom hated cooking and never bothered to teach me. She was convinced I'll just naturally learn on my own after I got married and was forced to cook for my husband and family 🙃

Anyway, I went through a HelloFresh phase several years ago to try to kick-start myself into a groove, but it never really latched on. I think the only thing I learned is the importance of prepping ingredients in advance so that once I'm bouncing around, things are just ready for me to grab.

This isn't to say I don't cook AT ALL EVER. I can make eggs on a skillet just fine. But it's a one-and-done kind of thing. Much like putting together a cold cut sandwich. But that's not Cooking™.

Turns out this past month I randomly got a hyperfixation to Cook™, so here I am facing the bone-tired aftermath of making meals that'll last more than one day.

After three weekends of going through it, here's how I autistically started handling the stress:

Find a recipe I will follow

Envision myself going through the steps and allocate a certain amount of energy to the task

Compile ingredients I need to obtain (or get my partner to obtain)

(If I have to go shopping myself, do it on a separate day from when I have to cook)

Open a Google Doc and copy/paste the recipe into it

Rewrite the recipe steps based on how I imagine I'll be going through them once I'm in motion

Mentally practice the steps

When it's time to cook, go through steps as I've mentally practiced them, with improvisation when real life takes a different turn

(If a lot of prep work is required, such as peeling and cutting potatoes, sit down to do it with a podcast before starting on anything else)

After cooking is complete, throw out any lingering garbage

My partner does the dishes :)

I'm sure it'll get easier the longer I do it, but this is exactly why I'm 34yo and always hated Cooking™ to the point that I budget for delivery and take-out on nearly a daily basis.

Cooking is hard actually.

[officiallyashley]

BNHA HEADCANONS— poly relationship with the bakusquad

NOTES: yes, if you’re wondering, I consider Jiro a part of the Bakusquad (and I think she fits well into their social circle).

WARNINGS: there are no warnings! 😎😎

{~~~}

Ashley and Jiro write music and sing together. I headcanon that they end up having a YouTube channel together and they post their music content there. 

I also like the idea of (mainly) Ash and Mina running a true crime channel together, having their lovers and other people on as guests. Similar to Kendall Rae or Eleanor Neale on YouTube. 

Whenever there’s a puddle of water and Denki is with them, Eijiro will pick up Denki so he doesn’t electrocute people 😭😭

Eijiro kisses his lovers on the knuckles!! 🥺🥺

Mina and Hanta will stand in the doorway of Ash’s bedroom (and sometimes Denki’s bedroom) and wake them so they can all sneak into the kitchen and make snacks at 2am. Their go-to snacks are usually tater tots with hot sauce and heated up Nutella and banana quesadillas. 

When it comes to TikToks the poly!bakusquad does, Denki and Mina LOVE being in them. Eijiro doesn’t mind being in them, either, while Hanta prefers to film them. Jiro, Katsuki, and Ashley, however, don’t make the effort to be in the TikToks, but they’re often featured and OH BOY ARE THEIR JOKES FUNNY 😆 

Their TikTok account is called polypocket. Yes, as in a spin on the 90s toy Polly Pocket. It was Mina’s suggestion. 

If they’re out to eat and Denki opens a salt/sugar packet by accident, then Ash and/or Katsuki will blow the excess sugar/salt into Denki’s lap. 

Ashley and Katsuki get super super competitive in fighting games. Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Marvel vs. Capcom, etc .— it doesn’t matter, these two will get so competitive and it’s honestly really entertaining to see who wins (it’s usually 50/50).

Karaoke nights are definite! Ash and Jiro both have their own karaoke machines (and other singing/music equipment). 

The most stubborn of this polyamorous relationship: Katsuki and Ashley. For sure. 

Ashley, out of the group, is the one who gets the least amount of sleep. It’s a combo of her nightmares from her trauma, her working on school work, and other stuff (she plays games on her phone lol). Mainly, it’s her shit mental state that keeps Ash up at night because her brain is so active. 

Ash will be like: “god, I’m so tired.” 

Katsuki: “Maybe you shouldn’t have stayed up until 4am last night.”

Ash: “insomnia is a vicious cycle you can’t easily break.”

Ashley is absolutely terrified of water. She won’t swim, she won’t take baths, and she’ll try to hold off on showers for as long as she can (don’t worry, she takes showers, but Katsuki and the others usually have to coax her into it). 

Majority of the time, it’s Mina and/or Jiro who will take showers with Ash just to keep her calm. Or even if they don’t get in the shower with Ash, there’s always someone sitting in the bathroom with her. 

On movie nights, when the characters in the movie aren’t doing something that he likes, then Katsuki will get really annoyed and throw things at the character’s faces. Usually happens during horror movies because people in that genre tend to do the stupidest shit. 

If the movie that the Bakusquad is watching has a sex/suggestive/make out scene, it will be followed by loud cheering or loud booing depending on the day. Sometimes gagging if the scene is particularly cheesy or cringy. Or Ash and/or Denki will crack a sex joke. 

Both Ash and Jiro sing in the shower. Jiro tends to do it more than Ash, though. 

The Bakusquad has their own big ass blue bean bag that they all sit on together. No cap, this bean bag is fucking massive. 

Denki is the resident phone/iPad/computer/etc. charger. It’s official. 

There was one time where Ash asked Denki to give her phone a little zappy zap so it could get charged. Denki accidentally gave his zappy zap too much power and it completely fried her phone. No joke, Ash had to get a new phone. 

“That was too much zappy zap, babe,”

“Yeah… sorry about that…”

They go on shopping sprees. Mina and Eijiro in particular get really excited about going shopping. 

At the beginning of their relationship, the Bakusquad didn’t tell anyone. Some of Class 1-A had suspicions that Ash, Katsuki, and Mina were dating, but they didn’t know that ALL of the Bakusquad were dating each other. It wasn’t until Midoriya had the curiosity to ask Katsuki about it, and that’s when Katsuki said: “we’re all dating each other, dumbass.” and then he left without explaining anything else to Midoriya. 

Hanta taped Denki and Katsuki on the ceiling before. That was funny. 

Whenever Ash is overworking herself (whether she realizes it or not), sometimes Katsuki or Eijiro will pick her up outta her chair, throw Ash over their shoulder, and have her cuddle with them. 

Ash’s southern accent comes through once in a blue moon. It’s a small thing that Ash is subconscious about herself, but it’s sooo cute to the rest of the members of the Bakusquad. 

Speaking of Ash’s southern accent, she often makes various impressions when making fun of various things. Her southern accent often peaks through. 

There was one time when Ashley was joking around and her FULL southern accent came out. My god it took everyone by surprise. 

Ash will make short TikToks depicting her messing with her lovers. It’s usually Katsuki or Sero. She posts every week or so.

𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 © 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑. 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚. 𝐢 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐬, 𝐞𝐭𝐜. 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐥.