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oopsallfanfic · 1 year

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Chapter 19: Starting Line

Katsuki stirred uncomfortably in his seat across from you. On one hand, he was happy to see you, on the other he was a little peeved at his mom for inviting you and your father to stay while your house was drying up. With only one guest bedroom, you’d be taking the bed and your father would sleep with Katsuki in his room. It was truly the only thing that irked him that evening but he couldn’t help feeling bothered and irritated by every little thing that happened. Whether a utensil clinked, if the intonation of someone's voice changed in such a way, or even if someone bothered the over-stimulated thoughts running through his head by talking to him.

“So how were the practical exams you two? Did you meet a lot of people?” Mitsuki smiled with curiosity sparking her eyes. “I’ve never been inside one of these types of schools so I’m curious as to how it works.”

“Uh, well,” You struggled to find the timing earlier to tell your father about what happened with Shinso Hitoshi and whether you’d get in. Knowing the state of your father’s emotions was never a skill you mastered, your mother was the one who knew what to say and when it was appropriate to do so. You often tried to imitate her but almost always failed as a result, giving you a grumpy dad. So after years of watching, you were sure you were about to make the right move. You doubt such news in front of another family might not go over well, so you decide to omit that part of your day. “It went well for the most part, I think I racked up a considerable amount of points to garner admission. Though there was one kid who might’ve outdone me in my group.” You shoveled some rice in your mouth in hopes they wouldn’t pry further and move on to Katsuki.

“Oh, I’m sure it wasn’t by much,” Hamamoto Akira patted your shoulder and assured you, “Plus, a strong quirk like yours is sure to be noticed. There are other factors the examiners take into consideration during your practical exams. They have the main objective of course which gets you the most points but interactions with your fellow examinees and innate abilities have a big part to play.”

“I’m sure you caught their eyes,” Mitsuki smiled sweetly and turned to her son. An irritable scowl on his face grew deeper as the conversation went on. “What about you sweetie?”

“It went fine,” He had repeated the words over and over in preparation for it, not bothering to pay attention to the conversation up to that point.

“That’s all? Nothing interesting? No new people you met?” Mitsuki poked.

“I said it went fine, didn’t I?” Katsuki growled, flashing his mother his vicious red eyes. “I outdid those damn nerds and I’m going to be the first pick.”

“That’s wonderful to hear, darling,” Mitsuki’s words were sweet but her tone didn’t match what she was trying to say. Her voice carried weight as it shifted to worry and uncertainty. Knowing how her son tended to act brashly, she was prepared for his attitude but she worried for her guests.

“Can I be excused?” Katsuki choked out past gritted teeth as he stared down at his meal.

“Yes, you may.” Before Bakugo Masaru could finish the sentence Katsuki had already pushed back his chair and grabbed his plate. He gave a hasty bow towards the house guests and made his way out of the dining room.

“Is he alright?” Masaru said in a hushed tone to his wife.

“His spirits were high earlier, he didn’t mention anything when he got home.” Mitsuki matched the man’s tone.

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” Masaru turned back to his dinner, Mitsuki following his lead. You and Akira did your best to not listen to their conversation, but their version of a whisper was nearly normal-level talking. Must be years of ear damage from Katsuki and Mitsuki, you thought.

Katsuki had bounded up the stairs and stepped into his bedroom quickly where he turned and leaned against the shut door. His heart was racing and his vision was narrowing to the spot where the comforter met the baseboard of his bed. Panic began to settle in his chest as the pain in his arms shot across his forearms. He gritted his teeth and began to shout at himself in his mind. You overdid it, you idiot. You tried to show off and nearly blew off your fucking arms. What an amateur move, what school is going to want you? (Y/N) probably scored more points than you.

After exerting his power past his limit, Bakugo Katsuki nearly tore every muscle in his arms. Or at least that’s the pain equivalent to what he felt. First Aid Nurses gave him pain medication but the effects had started to subside, leaving his arms throbbing in pain and hardly able to move. What was more inconvenient for him was having you around when he was in such a weak state. The desire to keep up his tough-guy facade was already weak because of you, but his pain weakened the desire further. Katsuki gritted his teeth as he stood to full height and made his way to the edge of his bed. He had half a mind to collapse on the bed and sleep off the pain, but he knew Hamamoto Akira would be sleeping here soon. Katsuki pulled himself up once more with great effort and tugged a futon out of the closet, unfolding it to the full size. He chewed on the inside of his cheek as he brought down blankets and pillows. Once the bed had been somewhat organized, Katsuki collapsed into the mess of sheets. His eyes fluttered softly as sleep began to ease him in.

When you came to check on Katsuki you found him fast asleep, his chest rising as he breathed deeply. Accompanying his following sigh was his arms moving towards his abdomen. He had barely gotten underneath the covers so you could see as his hands pulled his shirt, heart fluttering at the sight of the thin strip of bare skin just above his hips. Your eyebrows furrowed at the confusingly embarrassed feeling you had as you thought, God, blushing over some skin? How ridiculous. You glanced down at him again, giving yourself a fresh dusty rose on your cheeks. Looking over at him again you saw something white sticking under his long-sleeved shirt. You squatted down and from further inspection realized they were bandages. You looked up at his face to make sure he was asleep and proceeded to bring his arm down to move his sleeve. The wrap around his arm had turned out to be a combination of bandages and kinesiology tape. He must’ve hurt himself in the exam, you thought, suddenly concerned that other parts of him were hurt. From the sounds of it his parents didn’t know about his injuries, so Katsuki had kept it to himself. You had felt the overwhelming feeling to take care of him, to tuck him in and wake him up enough to take some painkillers. The thought waved out of your mind as footsteps began to ascend the staircase. You stood to full height and passed through the open door, watching as Mitsuki stepped away from the staircase towards you.

“Is Kat okay?” Mitsuki craned her neck to see over your shoulder, seeing her son sprawled out on the futon made her heart warm, and gave a gentle smile. “He’s going to get a cold sleeping like that,” You moved from the doorway to allow her into the room. She sat on her knees and began to fold his legs under the blanket with a gentle hand. As she reached for his arms you remembered his bandages.

“Wait!” You squeaked, “There’s something wrong with his arms, he might be in pain.” You sputtered before Mitsuki could lift Katsuki’s arms too far. “He has tape and bandages all over them.”

“Bandages…?” She trailed, gently holding Katsuki’s hand in her lap as she rolled his sleeve up again. “Oh, my sweet baby boy.”

Mitsuki briefly held a hand to her chest before silently nodding her head and standing up. Surprisingly Katsuki had yet to stir despite the conversation and movements, you were surprised he could sleep so deeply. Mitsuki moved passed you again and made her way down the hall quickly and quietly. She returned a moment later with a bottle of extra-strength painkillers. Mitsuki swiped the water bottle on her son's desk and sat back beside him. Holding his head up gently and mumbling incoherent words to him, Mitsuki was able to get him to crack open his mouth to take the medicine. Parched lips pursed around the straw as he took his fill, licking his lips happily before returning to deep sleep. You recognized the satisfied feeling of a cold glass of water and respected Mitsuki more as you watched her handle her son. It was sweet, the dynamic the two had when they weren’t fighting, but it left you feeling empty and cold once more.

Despite your efforts to shove your grief down and keep trying to live every day, it was hard to not show your feelings sometimes. Just the other day you saw a young daughter and her mother hold hands in the supermarket and you started to tear up. The scene before you was a familiar one though, you’ve recalled the many times you overdid it with quirk training or were so sick you could hardly move. Your mother was always there with medicine and some water, and a sweet melody to choke it down. Mitsuki stroked Katsuki’s hair and it felt as if your chest was torn open, your breath was taken from you as the wave of grief crashed into you. You took a shaky step back as your chest began to rattle with each breath. Mitsuki was still in front of you, so you tried your best to calm down and manually slow your breathing. It became hard to breathe though, so you decided the best option was to just cry, even if Mitsuki saw you. The tears rolled down in large heavy trails, silently at first with a small cry choking your throat. As you drew a breath you could feel your throat loosen as it let out the soft wail you were holding in. Your hand crawled across your mouth in an attempt to silence yourself but you were loud enough for Mitsuki to hear and Katsuki to stir. Mitsuki turned to you, your eyes bloodshot and cheeks flushed and shiny. You ran from the room into the bathroom across the hall, hoping to let it all out in peace. Your moment of quiet was interrupted nearly immediately when Mitsuki lightly tapped her knuckles on the door. She opened the door slowly and peeked in to see you sitting on the closed toilet with arms propped up on your knees holding your face. Mitsuki shut the door behind herself and kneeled in front of you. You began wiping the tears from your eyes but they seemed never-ending, while blinded by your palms Mitsuki leaned forward and pulled you into a hug. Her arms wrapped your back and held you tight as if her grip were made of steel. Still surprised by the contact you hesitantly wrapped your arms around her shoulders. When you reciprocated the affection Mitsuki squeezed you tighter, and held you back at arm's length.

“I want you to know you can come to me if you ever need anything, okay?” Mitsuki’s voice was soft, much like it was back in the room when she was caring for Katsuki. It made your heart melt to hear her say those words, she wasn’t your mother but she was a mom you could trust. You leaned forward and hugged her tight, chin nestling on her shoulder.

“Thank you,” You managed to choke out between strained breaths. “Thank you so much.”

Mitsuki claimed dinner for 5 had wiped her out of ingredients to make lunch, though you were sure you saw more than enough for lunch and dinner in the fridge when you woke up for water. Nonetheless, you had to make the trek to the supermarket. Not without company of course. Katsuki had come with perfect timing, or at least Mitsuki thought so. Leading her to shove her reusable bags and a list in either of your hands then sending the two of you on the way. Katuski had grown from a distant bully to a friend in about a year, but within that same time frame, you had crushes on a total of 3 young men including himself. Sure being alone had its benefits, like you didn’t have to care for someone else emotionally when you had enough to worry about on your own, or remembering anniversary dates for small things that girls always seemed to do, or if you were horny you knew you were going to make yourself cum. You know, the small things. Having a partner had its benefits too, having someone give you support no matter what kind of day you had, listening if you had a complaint no matter how mundane, and even just having someone to be yourself with.

You looked up to see the back profile of Katsuki’s face, under the shade of the overgrown tree they looked like a rich dark amber. Each time sunlight made his face glow you could see the change in his eyes momentarily, flashing by instantly. You were unsure where you stood with Katsuki, the relationship the two of you created over the year had only organically grown in the last term. Sure you had a crush on him for the better part of 6 months, but you were still too green at relationships to determine when was an appropriate time to bring a topic like that up. Katsuki was, in your eyes, more suave and mature. He’d been in previous relationships, right? Little did you know he was just as anxious and nervous about approaching the same topic with you. Despite many offers and chocolates over the years from girls and a few guys, Katsuki had the intention of holding himself out until college. A secret pledge he took himself when you first kicked his ass. Katsuki would never be in a romantic relationship with someone else before he got to kiss you. Now here he was, making his way to go grocery shopping with you. Albeit a mundane task, the two of you couldn’t help but feel the sweaty palms and unsteady heartbeats of young adults in love.

You wanted to occupy the silent stiff air between the two of you but knew small talk wasn’t a strong suit for either of you. Before you could open your mouth to ramble off some weird fact about the Snapping Shrimp, Katsuki asked a question that had been on his mind since the exams finished. He didn’t get to see you in action because of the different placements, so he wanted to fish for information to see if you did better than he did. It made him guilty subconsciously for hoping you did worse than he did, but when you told him the truth of what happened the day before, he just felt worse.

“So how’d your exams go?” Katsuki looked over his shoulder, you picked up your head at the sound of his voice. You struggled with your words at first, swishing them around in your mind before telling him about your experience.

“Honestly, it was kind of ass,” You exaggerated a frown as he stopped suddenly to look at you with furrowed eyebrows. You could recognize if he didn’t agree with the vulgar use of ‘ass’ but didn’t see why he had to stop because you said it. Katsuki tugged his arm back as you reached out to pull on him. It was your turn to give him a confused stare, “What? Can’t a girl say ass?”

“Wha-No? That’s not why I’m confused,” Katsuki let you grab his arm as you reached for it again, your hand slid across his forearm and hooked onto his forearm as you pulled. With the unexpected momentum of him moving again, you wound up looping your arm around his, elbows tucked into each other as you walked along. You felt embarrassed that he got the better of you, but elated that you could hold him close without it feeling strange or foreign. “Why was it bad? Everything seemed fine before we split up.”

“There was this guy Shinso,” You could hear Katsuki think the name in his mind over and over again, plotting revenge that wasn’t even his to take. “He has a brainwashing quirk, when I came in to save him and another student from getting harmed he brainwashed me and made me do all the work for him. His big plan was to use other students to get him points, thereby omitting their points entirely because they were technically achieved by him.”

“That's...” Katsuki found himself at a loss for words, not only had this Shinso guy been a dick to you and screwed you over from the points you rightfully achieved. Shinso also had a quirk that made him insanely powerful if used correctly, a conclusion Katsuki had made while you spoke. “That’s really fucked up.”

“I know right?” You scoffed and kicked a pebble as you passed. It skipped down the sidewalk aligning itself in a spot perfect for Katsuki to kick. You felt it again, the overwhelming sense of anxiety you had when you thought about the future. If you didn’t get in, what were you going to do? What were you going to tell your dad? You knew that if you voiced what was on your mind, Katsuki would understand where you were coming from completely. “Do you ever feel like you don’t know where you’re going in life, like, you’re walking in the dark trying to grab onto something while trying to keep in a straight line with a cup balanced on your head?”

“Can’t say I do,” He glanced at you with concern crossing his face. “What’s this about?”

“I don’t know, I just,” You fumbled for the right words to describe what you were trying to say. “I feel like no matter how hard I’ve tried this year to prepare for that exam, everything in the world was telling me to stop. Maybe the world is right though, maybe I shouldn’t have even tried.”

“You shouldn’t give up so easily, you worked so hard to get where you are now,” Katsuki’s look of concern replaced itself with disappointment as he listened. “Your challenges made you stronger, even if you were weak right after. We’ll know once we get those letters if it was all worth it. Until then, don’t give up.”

“I’m not giving up,” You gave a defeated sigh, unsure of whether Katsuki’s words made you feel better or worse, “I’m just trying not to get my hopes up is all, I mean I didn’t even tell you the worst part yet.”

“There’s more?”

“I kind of pinned Shinso against the wall after the enchantment wore off and choked him a bit.” You noticed the cheeky smile growing on Katsuki’s lip. Though it was a childish grin, you couldn’t help but notice how it melted the icy hollow feeling in your chest. “No, not like-”

“That’s pretty scandalous for a university exam,” Katsuki chuckled as you swatted at him. He removed himself from your arm and dodged your swings. “Someone would think... You were being dirty.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” With each word you swatted down on him, finally landing a loud smack against the small of his back. Katsuki smiled past his pain as he rubbed his back.

“I know what you meant,” Katsuki gave you a soft nudge with his elbow. “I just think it’s cute to see you all flustered.”

With a fresh rose dusting your cheeks, you popped a hand over the side of Katsuki’s head and left him as he stopped to regain singular vision in both eyes.

It didn’t take long for you and your father to be back in your home, but it took considerably longer for your U.A. acceptance letter to arrive. The school estimated results in a week, but here you were approaching Christmas with no news. You halted your pacing in the living room and watched as the mailman approached the thin metal box by the door. As you approached the window you realized you weren’t able to see the mailman from your position, but once you saw him leave the porch you darted towards the front door. You slipped on a pair of sandals way too large for you and braved the winter air to get the mail. The box was full but seemed to only have about 4 pieces of actual mail, you stood on your toes and peeked into the box to see a white envelope with a red wax seal stuffed into the bottom. Your heart skipped a beat when you noticed the familiar insignia on the wax, the U.A. College admissions stamp. As you pulled out the package you heard your name being called out from a distance. You looked over to see Katsuki waving his envelope in the air, the packaging was similar leading you to believe that the messages inside had to be the same. There was a 97% chance Katsuki would get in, deducting chances for general attitude, so if you got the same package then you had to have been accepted. It took all your willpower not to rip the thin paper in your hands.

“Do you want to open them together?” Katsuki called out at you again. You looked between him and your envelope gave him a nod.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” You said, “I might need some emotional support regardless of the news.”

“I’ll come over, let me put on real shoes.” As Katsuki popped back into his home to swap shoes, you waited inside by the door warming your hands against each other.

When you heard Katsuki’s footsteps approaching, you leaned over to prep the guest slippers for him. You opened the door at the sound of his quick knock, in his hands he carried the few confetti poppers and a bottle of sake that seemed to have already been cracked open.

“Maybe I should’ve brought more than two,” Katsuki gave you a cheeky grin, and you returned his look with a pointed glance at the bottle in his hand. “Oh, I brought this from my parents ‘hidden’ stash, ya know, for celebrating the results.”

“Fine. Let’s do this, I’m ready,” You said with uncertainty creeping into your throat. You shook your arms out and away from your body, trying to manually get rid of the jitters. Katsuki gave you a small grin as he slipped into the guest's shoes and walked alongside you to the living room.

You took a seat on the floor in front of the couch, Katsuki sat down and stretched his legs out under the table with you. Anxiety ran throughout your body as if a church bell rang above you as you rubbed the seal of the envelope in front of you. Katsuki watched expectantly as you thumbed over the edge, on the third pass he looked into your eyes to see the overwhelming sense of fear and dread behind them. Katsuki hooked a finger into the edge of the seal and ripped the paper in one quick movement. The puck clattered on the table as Katsuki shook it out of the package, immediately on release the puck emitted a hologram into the air.

Midnight stood in her signature corset and cuffs in the center of a soundstage with a warm-toned background lined with golden molding. She snaked a whip around her before snapping it off-screen, affording her a few yelps from the camera crew. She gave them an apologetic look before looking back at her teleprompter.

“Bakugo Katsuki, you’ve been a bad, bad, boy,” The way Midnight spoke was slow and low, too sensual for a teacher in your opinion. Though it was her hero personality, a dominatrix who could please you with just a whiff of her scent. The way she had said it rubbed you the wrong way, you didn’t like her saying those words to Katsuki. Most of all you didn’t like the look on his face when she had said that, a stupid horny smile paired with a light blush. “And I have just the thing you need. Welcome, young hero, to the prestigious U.A. College. We’ll transform even the scariest of delinquents into model citizens.” She paused for a beat and directed your attention to the screen next to her as it began to roll various camera feeds from Katsuki destroying the robots. “You, young Bakugo, have shown your talent and gave this test your all. All of your hard work has paid off. With an overall score of 77 points, you have scored the highest out of all incoming freshmen.”

“Yes!” Katsuki pumped his arms repeatedly, letting Midnight continue with the pre-recorded message. “Yes, yes, yes, yes!”

A flurry of thin sheets of paper flew out of the confetti popper, accompanied by a grey smoke as you yanked on the string. Katsuki reached for the bottle of sake on the table and flicked the cap off, tossing back the bottle like it was nothing to him. After a few gulps, he let up for air and held both hands above his head in victory. Gasping, and smacking his lips as the sting of alcohol settled in his throat.

“How was that, bad boy?” You embellished the new nickname given to him by Midnight. “That hit the spot for you?”

“It fucking stings a little,” Katsuki smacked his lips again as he placed down the bottle, “I’m just glad it’s white peach, so it’s sweet.”

“Well, I might just need a swig of that before mine even begins,” You looked between the bottle of liquid courage and the envelope of your fate, unsure whether to rip the bandage off or lube yourself up before receiving possibly gut-wrenching news. Hesitantly, you reached for the bottle and tucked back more than Katsuki had, the liquid pouring down and stinging every surface between your mouth and your stomach. Katsuki cheered you on as you chugged as much as you could handle. The sake gave you a gentle warm feeling throughout your body, but not your mouth. It did, however, ease your mind more about opening the envelope. After putting the bottle down between you two, you ripped open the envelope, allowing the puck to come to life on the table next to Bakugo’s.

“Hamamoto (y/n),” Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of your name from the head principal Nezu, a hyper-intelligent fusion animal, who stood tall in the center of the stage. The layout was much the same for Katsuki’s as it was for yours. The way Nezu’s voice carried gave you no hope for his next words, they were heavy and firm. Though you couldn’t be entirely sure whether that was just how he talked regularly. “After taking account of your paper exam and practical exam, we are happy to welcome you to the U.A. College.”

“Holy shit,” You lolled your head back on the cushion and rubbed your hands over your face. Nezu kept on with his speech but you could only hear the words ‘happy to welcome you’ replay in your mind. A sharp pop came from beside you, peeking through your fingers you could see Katsuki with a smoky popper and a look of pride. You felt the sting of your cheeks flushing as you watched the corner of his lips curl into a smile again. I could watch that forever, “I could watch you smile forever.”

“What?” Katsuki chuckled and raised his eyebrows.

“Huh?” You hesitated to ask him what he meant, unsure if you said your thoughts aloud.

“You just said you could watch me smile forever,” Katsuki rolled the thought around in his head as you sat on your knees with your arms crossed over your chest in a big ‘x’.

“No, no that’s not what I meant,” You shook your head violently, the blush on your cheeks betraying your lies. “I meant that I-I, uhm,”

Katsuki reached his hand up to your face, his thumb brushing across your cheekbone softly. Your stuttering ceased as the heat of his hand made your body feel warm in a new way, your chest tingly with anticipation as he drew his face closer. You reached a hand up to his neck, wrapping your fingers gently around the back and pulling him in faster. Katsuki’s eyes fluttered closed as the two of you met in the middle, lips pursing in a gentle kiss. They were slightly chapped but warm and supple. A second kiss followed, lips locking in a much deeper affair that made you feel goosebumps across your skin. You placed a hand between his crossed legs to bring yourself closer to him, desperate to close the distance that remained between the two of you. Katsuki gave you another peck before he pulled back, you pursued his receding lips, afraid to lose the soft sweet taste from your memory.

“I could watch you smile forever too.” He said.

You planted a toothy kiss on his lip, “You sound like a lovesick loser.”

“Welcome young hero,” The audio of Nezu looped, the sound of his voice drowned out in your mind by the feeling of Katuki’s hands on your back and in your hair. “You have shown great promise, and we hope you’ll accept this invitation to nurture your talents at U.A. College with us this spring semester. All of your hard work has paid off and it shows in your score. Although you were incapacitated for more than half of your points, the admissions committee has agreed that you earned those points with your own quirk even if someone else was puppeteering behind the scenes. With a total of 51 Villain points, 3rd overall in freshman testing, and 25 rescue points, for helping out your fellow examinees, you Miss. Hamamoto completed this practical exam with an overall score of 76 points. 2nd overall in freshman testing. Congratulations, and welcome to U.A. College.”

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mx-lamour · 7 months

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Get up.

Personal storytime again, because it seems to be interfering with my ability to write other things today:

My partner has been having a rough go of it lately. A lot of factors go into that. They're not important right now. That's all background noise.

Yesterday evening, he spent literal hours sitting on the bathroom floor, just leaning against the side of the tub with his legs stretched out in front of him, in the dark.

I was doing other things. Sometimes he gets this way. There's not a whole lot I feel I can do about it when that happens, so I let him go through it. He knows the terrain. Usually, he wades through it fine enough to finish up his evening routine. This time, not so much.

I checked on him at intervals. Brought him some water, offered to warm up dinner. Gave him a little kiss on the top of his head. Made sure he knew I was around if he needed anything. I'm reactionary with people. I really only know how to treat them in the moment if they tell me what to do. It's a big ask sometimes, I know that, but it's what I have to work with.

I've at least learned not to linger helplessly and wait. I go back to my tasks. I carry on. I check in again when I start to get that sixth-sense tingle which tells me I should.

He's still there, another hour later, sitting in the same place, in the same way, not even looking at his phone anymore. Truly out of it.

Ok, well, time to try something I haven't before. I get terse, actually. I put on my best Mom persona, informed heavily by stubborn cleric energy because I've never really had the urge to be motherly, was never really cut out for that. But those dark powers don't get to take my boy. He's been Chosen.

I tell him to get up.

He doesn't.

I squeeze his hands. I rub his calves. I sit with him a while.

He says nothing.

I encourage him to stand. Just bend your knees. Put your feet under you. Walk ten paces to the bedroom. Get up.

Why? he asks.

I fight it so hard. I sit on the stupid answer for a few seconds, but I don't have a better reason to offer: Because I asked you to.

Because lying in bed will be a lot better for your back than sitting here, I add. And I don't give a shit whether or not you care. I do. Get up. I would pick you up and carry you there myself, but I'm too small.

He doesn't want to progress. He doesn't want to go forward.

You're only allowed to play corpse if you lay next to me.

I know he's going to hate it, but I'm running out of options. I tell him: If you don't move, I'm going to have to start calling people. I don't even know who.

And I'm right. He fucking hates that idea. I'm taking away his agency now, by threat of outside interference, but the truth is that he's already lost it. The lack is pinning him down.

I'm literally just trying to get him off the floor.

He finally sighs. The engine has started. He sighs again. It's exhausted, it's frustrated, but he's breathing. That indignant huff is painful, but it's great. That's it. Just a little fuel. The fire's burning.

I say it: The frustrated sighs are a fantastic start, but I'm gonna need to see some movement. For emphasis, I nudge his leg a bit with my foot.

He finally stands up. A fucking champion. We're both irked, but he's walking. He mutters something about always having to do what other people want. I have a moment where I think: This isn't real. Whatever is going on in his head right now. Believe me when I say it's well-founded, but it isn't real. He's removed from the world that I'm experiencing, to an extent that I've never really seen up close before. It's fascinating. I've escaped the mists, but now I see them, and it's so bizarre.

We both retreat to bed. There's no way in hell I'm writing fanfic after that, too busy reeling, so I start to set myself for sleep.

With his back to me, he mutters: When are you going to get a job?

It stabs, like it's meant to. One little vindictive barb in recompense.

I am trying, I tell him. It's literally not up to me. I finally had an interview recently; they never called me back.

And that reminds me. I get on my phone. I start taking notes. Who are my contacts in the literary arts world? There are only a few. Just as many have retired and I'd have to hunt them down. Why did I think I couldn't hang on to people? I have no network. I must weave it from the tattered remnants of my past, together with new warps. But how?

The jab has done its work. I'm half tempted to dive into the bathroom myself and lean over the toilet, but I've never been a puker. I just get to sit with it. That's fine. We're all in this bed together.

Eventually, the man moves again. He all but throws the tv remote at me. I turn on his comfort show, to drown out the buzzing in his head.

Life seeps into him again, reanimating the undead thing that is my partner of ten years. We're barely toddlers.

He gets up again. Clothes himself. Finds some food and eats it. Chuckles at a joke in one of his favorite episodes. It's Futurama: the one where Fry writes a holophone opera for Leela.

Afterward, he climbs across the bed and lays his head down on my elbow.

Are you done resenting me for now? I ask.

Yeah, he says sheepishly. He's come back to me again.

We wrapped ourselves together in his blanket, our little cat purring in between our chests, our dog snoring on the floor beside us. We find some room for quiet laughter, and we hold each other there.

#lamour stories #personal anecdote #depression #scary helpless moments #mental health #healing together #it's hard sometimes #post traumatic growth #optimistic ending #we're okay #i play clerics a lot

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skullsandwineglasses · 2 years

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Hi Venus (2022) - Ep 1 First Impressions

So I haven’t watched a drama in 4 months and thought this would be an easy one to help me get back into the swing of things. I heard good things about this drama. AvenueX sung its praises, it’s written and directed by the same people who did The Day of Becoming You, and it even stars Liang Jie from TDOBY. I’ve only seen Joseph Zeng in the Line Walker prequel, but I always have a soft spot for Cantonese-speakers.

But the first episode of this drama was meh. I’m a sucker for the enemies-to-lovers trope, but not when the FL is so unreasonably stubborn in her prejudice against the ML. She’s a physician, so you would expect her to have better critical thinking skills and to give people the benefit of the doubt. I remember when my classmates studied for the CASPER test, and the key factor to doing well is being able to view a situation from a multitude of different perspectives and to consider as many possible explanations for a scenario.

But instead, the FL forms an initial and immovable disdain for the ML and will not hear any kind of explanation because she simply cannot be wrong. It’s not quirky. It’s annoying.

The other thing that irked me was how the ML, a mere 28-year old (played by a 25-year old), is the director of a whole ass hospital. First we had MLs in their 20s be the CEOs of multi-million dollar companies, then we had MLs in their 20s be renowned neurosurgeons, and now we have MLs in their 20s be the director of a hospital who acts like a bratty rich second generation kid.

As someone who’s 27, this is simply not realistic. A 28-year old CEO is more believable than a 28-year old hospital director. How did he even climb up to that position? There are so many bureaucratic hoops to jump through. Unless he inherited the hospital or something, but still. Aren’t these state hospitals? There are definitely more checks in place. Which brings me back to the question of how on earth did he gather enough experience in order to be selected for that position of overseeing a hospital? WTH?

Maybe I should start Liu Yifei and Li Xian’s new drama. Or maybe I should continue Wild Bloom.

Or maybe I should just wait for the chemistry to form so that I can suspend my disbelief. Someone please tell me this gets better.

#hi venus #cdrama #rant #first impressions #liang jie

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boundless11 · 3 years

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Another factor re: the writers' attempt to paint everyone in "shades of grey" is that how it's executed illustrates another problem with the show: lack of punishment. The clear offenders don't get punished while the mistakes made by their victims get blown out of proportion with unintended consequences, just so the writers can say that both sides are equally to blame. You don't just see this with the girls; look at how Robby got put in juvie for one moment where he lost his temper, while Hawk hasn't faced any legal consequences for his time as a psycho who terrorized people to assert his dominance over them and who destroyed and stole property; and Tory, who has attacked Sam twice with weapons, hasn't faced adequate punishment because there's always someone (Amanda) or something (her home life) to soften the blow for her.

Yesssss thank you!!!! It’s almost as if the writers favour certain characters and let them get off easily and are loved by the fans, yet their victims are painted in such a bad light from the get go that they are hated by the fandom. Their attempt at trying to portray the grey areas fails miserably and has almost led to certain characters acting out of character just to advance the plot. It’s-one of the things that has irked me.

I hated how Tory is now getting an easy pass. Why should she??? Oh but according to the writers, everyone can be good and bad. Errrr no. Johnny can be good and bad. Robby can be good and bad. Miguel can be good and bad. These guys made mistakes and they ended up paying for it. But Tory? She’s a straight up psycho, who started a brawl, tried to mutilate Sam and led a home invasion and didn’t get punishment. And they even justified it by giving her ‘sad’ backstory, so all of her past evil deeds would be so overlooked! Yet her victim and the actress played by her was vilified by the fandom and continues to be.

Same with Hawk- again he did so much crap and his actions were overlooked, but then we had to feel sorry for him when the CKs attacked him. Something he started, because he went after Kenny at school and continued to do so at the drive in. Yet no one bats an eyelid. And he’s got a comfy home life from the looks of things.

But Sam? Girl gets some confidence and tries giving Tory a piece of her own medicine and the entire fandom is in uproar about it- how she shouldn’t have done that etc.

Do the writers even realised what they’ve done?

I still think it’s the Peyton List fans that seem to think that Tory is the only female character on the show. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@breckstonevailskier what are your thoughts?

#cobra kai #sam larusso #samantha larusso #mary mouser #tory nichols #tory with a y #cobra kai hawk #eli moskowitz #ask

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kreidewaltz · 4 years

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top of the castle | t.k.

pairing. tsukishima kei x f!reader

about. your only goal is to be on top of everything. every change he gets, he pushes your buttons and does things that stirs something inside you. it's totally not your heart beating wild in your chest.

word count. 6.3k (this is my baby)

genre & warnings. fluff. angst. swearing. sky castle and highschool au. lots of swearing. happy ending. parents are kind of a jerk. subtle pining. enemies to lovers. bestfriend!kuroo. film major!tsukishima and y/n.

author's note. ik i posted this super late but here it is!! this is part of the promptly yours collab by issy :D ty for being understanding kisses you !? this is my first time writing an e2l go easy on me pls :( quick overview: sky castle is a neighborhood for the rich, and they do everything to be ahead of the other families! big thank you to @rintsuru for beta-ing this mwah i'll edit some stuff here tomo :') reblogs & feedbacks are appreciated ty <3

part of the promptly yours collab ✪

“during the dinner, entertain the guests, and kaa-san will be proud of you.” your mom says whilst brushing your hair multiple times. she sends you a threatening smile in the mirror which forms annoyance in your mind, yet a fake smile ghosts your lips. you clench your fist on your pockets, fingernails digging hard into your palms. last night she came to your door, unannounced, and mentioned that she’ll be having a private party after sending your applications to SNU Medical School.

“time to relax after working hard, a reward too for the parents.” you recall her saying, while running her fingers on your head before she shuts the door. the excitement evident in her movements when you hear the repetitive clicks of her heels. you play with the hem of your pajamas as you mimic your mother’s voice in distress, huffing after while you cross your arms on your chest. if she sees you roll your eyes or heave a disappointing sigh, expect a lecture about manners that'll go on for a few minutes.

when you entered middle school, she started to be strict and always repeated that you’re “only going to be successful when you’re on the top of the castle”. the metaphor she often forces in your mind—enjoying your success and growing money. watching other people force their way to the entrance, but this is where her persona morphs into something sickly sweet. she uses her shit ton of money to compromise, and those people leave as if they never disturbed your castle. in her eyes, you’re the embodiment of an independent, hardworking, and stepping on others kind of student which is something you want to erase.

“sit straight, act interested, act modest—”

“bring down the rivals, except kuroo.” you cut your mother off while a subtle smirk appears on your face, running your makeup brush on your powder blush before putting it to your cheeks. she stops for a moment, the silence makes your palms sweat on your school blazer, but relief washes over you when she murmurs okay, good. the moment is interrupted when your dad screams on the other side, assuming that he’s finding her and checking the table set-up for approval. she gives your shoulder a harsh squeeze before leaving you alone in your room, looking at yourself in the mirror.

“bring down tsukishima.” raising your brows, you try to keep yourself sane because people saying his name irks you. his stupid voice and looks down on you just because of the height difference. he looks down on you when he’s done harm to you years ago, and to the Hara family. when the school year started, you had no clue that he attended Yongsan School for Seoul. his presence immediately annoys you to your bones and when he talks, you have the urge to tape his mouth and watch him struggle and enjoy that he’s suffering. when he enters the room, you almost stand up from your seat and protest but you keep your lips shut. attempting to bottle your resentment and continue with the basic introductions and orientations for the school year.

what he did in middle school is the main factor why you resent him.

“your highness!” he yells as soon as you enter the classroom, sending tsukishima a sarcastic smile before you sit comfortably. you try your best to not be grumpy at eight in the morning. good thing that the teacher isn’t here, or you’re in for another lecture about that you should get along and be humble with your classmates.

lame lame lame.

“yeah, i’m a princess hm!” you point a finger at him while you put on a grumpy expression before putting your hands on your waist. huffing a few seconds later, you look through your bag and prepare your cute notebook and pencil. you begin to check the schedule for the day on the first page before reviewing the past few lessons, skimming it with attention that you mentally practice yourself, and clench both of your fists in excitement when you got the right answer. you cross your legs while checking your notes, eager to start the day because you're feeling productive, and seeing the stamps of stars on the first page makes you ecstatic.

“hara y/n, did you hit tsukishima?” your teacher’s voice is stern which scares you, but what frightens you is your mother hearing about the issue. you fiddle with your fingers as you rub your eyes, desperately trying to hold the tears threatening to fall. you and tsukishima are left alone in the classroom, with the teacher sitting across from you. the beautiful sunset view from the window is giving you temporary solace, releasing a sigh before answering.

“no, sensei! he- he hit me!” your voice unintentionally going higher, not realizing that you’re getting defensive. you stand from your chair and stare at him, fuming with anger when you see the smirk forming on his face. the teacher sighs in disappointment since he knows you’re one of the top students this year. your attendance streak is all green, never missing a day. what they don’tknow is how your mother forces you to always go to school no matter what happens, that school is the only path to success.

i hate tsukishima, hmph.

“she did, sensei. you saw her holding the book.” your patience is on thin ice because he has the audacity to lie in front of the teacher when he knows he did it. he slaps the book against the back of your desk and you feel the impact on your shoulders, resulting in a high pitched scream and break the momentum of your classmates writing and your teacher narrowed his eyes at you, shaking his head in displeasure before writing on the blackboard. then you hastily grab the book he's holding and about to throw it on his desk but gasps echo on the room. from their perspective, you're about to hit tsukishima with his book while he's looking across, focused on the discussion that's interrupted.

"you hit me with the book!" frustration slowly seeping out while you bounce on your desk angrily. your pigtails get tangled which fuels your irritation. life likes bad boys, you thought while mocking him by copying his expressions, forgetting for a moment that your teacher is watching you make faces on your own. tsukishima waves his hand, fisting his other hand to put it in the pocket of his purple jacket. the loud bell rings and ends the discussion, and you sulk on your seat while he prepares his things. your teacher walks out of the classroom to call your mom, you assume, because of the way he takes a glimpse at you while holding his phone to his ear.

i don't want to go home.

“i didn’t do it!” you keep repeating the same sentence as you set a foot in the house. your small hands clutch the strap of your backpack tight, agitated on what she’ll have to say on what happened. your teacher called your mom and had a quick discussion while you bowed to your mom before going home. the awkward silence caused you to grab your backpack and stand behind her, looking down on your shoes to distract yourself. when the both of you entered the car, she didn’t spare you a glance, even on the rearview mirror. the good thing is your favorite song is playing which soothes your worries temporarily. but the car ride was mentally exhausting and your nervousness kept boiling in your chest.

"the one time life is well! and you had to do that." sitting on the edge of your bed, disappointment and frustration join forces in your head while you clench your fist tight. tears trail down your cheeks freely and you have to grip your shorts so you wouldn't explode. hearing her sigh loudly makes you look at your hands to distract yourself from thinking while you sniffle quietly to yourself because your mom tells you to mask your true feelings with other people.

"i'm your princess! i didn't do it!" bouncing on your bed to defend yourself while she doesn’t say anything. she goes to your study table and grabs some of your books and pens. you looked at her in distress, tears forming in your eyes, since your mom's punishments are something you avoid if you have the chance.

“ah long time no see! come in!” your mom cheerfully greets when you see the Oikawa family entering the house, bowing down in respect with a sickly sweet smile plastered on your face. he acts like a prince charming when he bows, trying to charm your mother. she acts as if she’s swooned by his alluring smile before she rushes the family to enter the extravagant room, eyeing oikawa while he fixes the buttons of his school blazer. you and oikawa had a while you’re flipping the pendant of your necklace, the loud banter on the stairs a few meters away gets your attention.

“oh! kuroo looks dashing as usual!” she clasps her hands together, the gold rings on her fingers clashing and creating light noises which only you could hear. after they pick up on your mother’s voice, kuroo abruptly stops arguing and casually puts his right hand in his pocket. his mother gives you a soft wave and pecks your mother on the cheeks. you’re not in europe. the thought comes to mind while they chit chat. his father comes to the dining table, leaving you with kuroo for a few minutes. you extend your other leg in the front, putting your hands on your waist, and when you catch his monotone gaze. kuroo looks to the side while the tip of his ears slowly become red.

“ah! i’m glad our parents are okay.” you whisper in front of him while you pat your cheeks and put on your serious expression because your mother always tells you to act elegant when there are guests. a sympathetic smile appears on his lips, knowing why you changed your face in seconds—because you have a reputation to hold.

“mhm, okay talk to you later.” he says before lightly bumping your shoulder with his fist which you return with the same force while a smile dances on your balmed lips. the both of you don’t notice his mom’s gaze softening because of your brief chat.

“yuuji! you should’ve brought your vest!” your mom giggles when she hears the voice of the Terushima family. her covers her mouth with her hand (also her way of showing off her accessories). his mom’s voice is pretty loud so you hear her clearly when they’re on the stairs. a childish whine leaves his lips while his almond eyes begin twinkling in excitement seeing the grand decoration on the entrance. “oh hi y/n! pardon me, and yuuji.” his mom is always enthusiastic and humble.

you raise a brow when you notice the piercing on terushima’s ears. “you pierced?” you point a finger at his ear before the smirk on his face grows, knowing that you’re not allowed to get pierced or tattooed under your parent’s household.

“yeah, you want one?” he leans in with a teasing smirk on his face and slowly licks his bottom lip, and you get a glimpse of his tongue piercing. a tsk leaves your lips before you push him away with your clenched hands. your mom intrudes in your conversation and pulls you to her chest. your mom’s thoughts about you not listening to her and actually getting piercings are running like a hamster on a wheel. his mom covers her face with the palm of her hand, thinking that she won’t get used to terushima bragging about his piercings and possibly influencing his friends to get one. your mom giggles about him and repeatedly pats his back, escorting the Terushimas to their seats at the table—a long and wide one she bought for this day, and a few hours later, the cleaners will struggle to put the furniture back on the basement.

“ah n/n! wait for tsukishima, alright?”

your mom waves her fingers with a smile plastered on her face, leaving the entrance in your hands. going rebel sounds intriguing but you decided to go against it. you intertwine your fingers together and put them behind your back, walking around back and forth along with an occasional twirl because the black skirt whirling is satisfying for your eyes. annoyance bubbles in your chest when she mentions his name, and the fact you’ll escort them all the way to their seats at the table. relief courses through you when she picks their seats further away from your vision.

good, i can’t stand his golden eyes at—

“dear y/n, always elegant like her mother!” your dad mentions while the food is being served. the maids delicately hold the plates even though the appetizer only consists of green leaves, a drizzle of oil and other vegetables mixed in. a confident smile comes to your face while the boys giggle along with their parents, knowing that they nudge their waist to go with the flow and attempt to be your parents’ right hand and be their disciple. kuroo kicks your feet under the table while a subtle smirk on his face, and before you could misunderstand his intentions, he eyes the other parents then quickly rolls his eyes after. the clanking of the plates and forks begin to ring your ears and you immediately connect the clues on what he likes to say.

look at them, trying to get on your parents’ side.

you lightly slap his knee with your foot to get his attention, and you successfully do so while not realizing that about to take a bite of the vegetables. while kuroo thinks about embarrassing himself, again, despite that your parents and the other boys are lost in their own conversations, you take a big bite of everything that’s on the plate, not noticing your mom’s stern gaze on your figure. when he’s finished fixing his hair, he raises his brow while you cross your arms over your chest, nodding in defeat while rubbing your forehead, mimicking those disappointed adults you’ve seen in dramas. he covers his mouth while his eyes crinkle, controlling the laugh he desperately wants to let out. you massage your shoulder for a moment because it’s getting uncomfortable but you have to keep your act—act like you have your shit together in front of the guests.

“oh! oikawa-kun, how’s the japanese lit for you?” initiating a conversation between your rivals while the parents reacted quietly to themselves, as if they’re going to witness harsh exchange with words until emotions overtake your head. this is the sky castle, you think while straightening your posture, satisfied when you get a glimpse of him jolting on his seat before putting on his charming facade and entertaining your question.

“easy peasy! bet i’ll get a perfect score.” he runs his hand through his hair, fixing his school blazer and acts mighty with the other people around.

terushima begins to tease him by making faces to push oikawa’s buttons, and you tap your mouth with the tissue before dropping the bomb and witness his face morph to dread. “you know that i check the papers too, right? you’ve got three mistakes already.” bring down people so you can walk forward, you think while oikawa’s eyes are large like the globes you use for geography class. you loosely intertwine your fingers as you press your cheek on your palm. your mom peeks at you, amused, at your actions that she fights the urge because a smile is threatening its way on her deadpanned face since the beginning of the dinner. the other parents whisper to themselves, especially Oikawa’s parents who look at you with distaste occasionally when they talk. the maids are astonished with your attitude since you're a sweetheart, in the time where your mom is out and does her daily shopping to further decorate the house.

as the dinner continues, you're mentally patting yourself on the back for doing a great job to keep your castle undisturbed. you didn't notice the blonde fighting the urge to smirk to himself because it's the first time he witnessed you being brazen. he takes a big sip of the water, stretching his hands and resting it on his back as he catches your eyes which widens his smirk. resulting to strengthen your rage—and the fact that you're enjoying how attractive he looks.

ugh, let's get this over with.

“what? never expected me to be on top?” a condescending tone laces your voice as you cross your legs, the exhaustion you carried throughout the dinner is dissipating when you rest your back on the chair. feeling a certain pair of golden eyes piercing your soul, you intentionally ignore the sweating of your palms and curl your toes inside your shoes because you keep moving as long as you feel his eyes focused on you. the sassy persona you’ve worked hard lasting long is crumbling, as if tsukishima is taking his time to disassemble the pieces.

“finally we’re away.” terushima whispers to no one before running his fingers on his hair. all of your parents settled on the tea room as your mom calls it to chit chat and relax for a few hours and you know she'll subtly brag about your achievements in school and the furniture around the house that are only available to the rich she quotes.

"away from our parents who force their dreams to us? hell yeah." oikawa added before stretching his neck, the table erupting into laughter because what he said is the truth.

"hey! too mean." narrowing your eyes at him and seconds later you realized how contradicting you are. you scold the brown haired for being mean (when he only said the truth) yet you call oikawa earlier on the dinner for having three mistakes on the test of film studies. the silence stopped you from saying something further so you sit back, looking at the lights and decorations hanging on the wall so you won't embarrass yourself further.

we're even i guess, oikawa whispers under his breath before looking at you, his smile not reaching his eyes. you slap your cheeks while you're looking hard at oikawa, not noticing how the blonde plays with his fingers before looking at you, his eyes glimmering of mischief. since tsukishima knows what pushes your buttons and he always uses it to his advantage.

"stop the good girl act. you feel that way too, idiot." he cleans his glasses with his vest while his eyes narrow and look at you. as you look up and stare at him, you’re perplexed seeing him without his glasses and get amazed on how golden his eyes are. while your arms are flat on the table, his words earlier came back crashing on your head. good girl.

“good girl act, huh? why? you want me to be a bad.. bad girl tsukishima-kun?” you retort back quickly, and you’re pleased with your counterattack since hearing low whistles and gasps beside you fueled your ego. you raise your brow with a mocking smile on your lips to taunt tsukishima even more, intentionally ignoring the repetitive beating of your heart. you felt kuroo kicking your ankle under the table but you dodge his kick since you didn’t want to be bombarded by his remarks because you know he’ll never let you forget about this moment.

“and what if i do, princess?” he raises his brow in return, resting his chin on his palm while cocking his head to the side, amused with your response but he wouldn’t let you know that. you’re obviously dumbfounded, hating the way he uses that nickname casually in a conversation. the uneasiness you’re feeling doesn't go away when you feel eyes on you, eagerly waiting on what you’ll have to say. you clear your throat and you’re about to say something when-

“okay! y/n you got ice cream?” terushima jumped in the conversation before the tension rose on the table. at first you’re bummed when he cuts you off suddenly but you’re glad because you’re not going to talk to tsukishima after this. nope, you keep repeating to yourself. you nodded and led the way to the kitchen, slapping your cheeks lightly with your fingers to snap out of it.

“y/n, suck it up and do the first move.” kuroo murmurs louder to mortify you before taking a bite of the ice cream from the glass, his smug expression makes you want to punch him right there. you playfully kick his chair while you mindlessly mix the spoon on the glass, the ice cream melting as time ticks by.

“what- i’m not- you jerk!" their eyes fall on you since your voice tends to get loud when you defend yourself, and you forget about that while kuroo annoys you on purpose. you grumble shut up under your breath, cupping your cheeks while a frown takes over your face. you angrily grab the scooper to get more desert, also denying the thoughts running in your mind and shake your head in the process while whispering no, that can't happen!

"you're screwed, my friend." kuroo waves his spoon in front of you and you grit your teeth in annoyance while a frown takes over your face. a part of you wants to give in and admit you’re feeling something for him but you’ll stick on what you’re good at-denying. you pout in defeat and sulk in your seat, your eyes falling on tsukishima sitting in the corner. he’s in his own world, taking a bite of the ice cream and repeatedly tapping his foot on the floor. you assume it’s because of the music he’s listening to because of his tangled earphones put on. when he caught your gaze you turned away a little late meaning he saw you. shame clouded your head and desperately try to distract yourself from him, and look at oikawa acting high and mighty, anything, so you won’t spiral back to your thoughts full of tsukishima.

“the hell!? no i’m fin-” he waves his hands and doesn't listen to your stalling, since he knows you’re doing that to convince yourself and not him. you scowl at him and cross your arms together, chanting to pull it together since you get aggressive when someone’s caught you so you cross your arms together and clench your fists. (you thought you’ll have wrinkles earlier than others because of how much you’re frowning).

“i saw what happened, don’t even.” he cocks his head to tsukishima’s direction with a grin on his face and he knew he conquered victory between the banter. you sent him a sarcastic smile before checking the others chat to themselves and hear the faint laughter of the adults in the other room. your mind starts to imagine what it's’ like to talk to your crush.

no didn’t say that!

“this is fun.” he added, which deepened your scowl and you clearly heard the teasing tone laced on his voice. you roll your eyes playfully while he ruffles your hair, and you’re bummed because you know he is right. don’t pull the bad girl card, he murmurs and twirls the ends of your hair. your thoughts halted when you heard the two words that brought you back to the situation earlier. you hold your breath while stretching your arms straight on the counter, hurriedly thinking of a witty response.

“hey! he looked good…” you closed your eyes quickly then you got a glimpse of tsukishima smirking and the way the nickname, princess, rolled off his tongue is making the tip of your ears faint red and sensitive. where’s the y/n that hates tsukki with all her guts? kuroo whispers and laughs hysterically after which caught the attention of the others. you know he’s teasing you for fun since you two often have light hearted banters. the urge to punch him in the face crosses your mind because there are times he knows and you know he’s right, it’s on you not wanting to admit it. his hand ruffles your hair once again before smoothly interrupting oikawa’s bragging, while your thoughts go on an overdrive in your head.

"miss pres! wait for me!" you stopped in your tracks and waited on the right side when you heard akari jogging to you. a dejected pout appears on her lips. she hangs onto your arm and grips it tight, catching her breath because you didn't wait for her outside after the film classes ended.

purposely digging her nails as her payback, because you didn't wait for her outside after the film class ended.

"damn, it's hard being the best friend of the student council president." she says with a defeated tone while fixing her skirt. your face scrunched up in response before walking together on the hallways. akari begins her rambling about the upcoming output your professor mentioned. you tightened your hold on the folders, frightened that the stack of folders will slip out of your hold since fate can be cruel, you muse while pushing the folders close to your chest.

"i can carry folders too, you know." her laughter echoed in the hallway when she saw your reaction! furrowed brows, a pout on your lips before you hesitantly gave half of the folders in her waiting hands. before you could explain what the folders are, you hear her gasp when she sees the title, in bold letters—CLASS 3 FILM STUDIES TEST RESULTS. she overheard you and the professor and learned that you're also checking the papers because professors trust you that much. akari likes seeing you lose your cool in public so she lifts the side of the folder. though it gets exhausting, you endure akari and her antics since despite her teasing she knows her boundaries. she's a good friend because holding the titles student council president, and top student scares away potential friends you could have. students gossiping about your family and status doesn't make things easier. so when she approached you in the library and blunty said you're taking her seat, you're grateful despite interrupting your study session.

it's safe to say that you didn't give each other good first impressions.

"miss pres, faculty room right?" akari's voice breaks your train of thought and wonders how you didn't hit anyone along the way since you take a few turns before seeing the faculty room.

"mhm."

“kari! let’s go back! i can convince sensei.” you whine quietly and stomp on your feet, you’re definitely ignoring your heart about to jump out of your chest when you see a glimpse of a blonde in front of the faculty room. after the party you held a few days ago, you didn’t pay attention to him and avoided him at all costs because you’re trying to figure out if feeling something to your rival is a big deal or not. you tighten your hold on the papers, a pout coming to your lips while akari is amused on what’s happening right now. she’s clearly not expecting you to go to the other way and avoid confrontation with the blonde.

“he’s there! i can’t face him!” you added and jutted your lips into a pout. in your head, you could roast him with other people because you have a perfect reputation to keep. she sighs for a moment while you stand there, she transfers all the folders in her other hand before smacking you in your arm. a shriek leaves your lips, not expecting your friend to hit you in the hallway. you knew you lose the disagreement when you see her as if she’s saying really? i’m done with you through her face. she puts a hand on her waist while she steps on the floor. a habit of hers that you noticed through time. you fix your hair that’s blocking your sight before nodding your head.

“fine… whatever.” you narrow your eyes and point a finger on her direction, acting like you’re threatening her but it didn’t have an effect at her. both of you silently walk towards the faculty room and finally see tsukishima in all his glory. he’s slightly slouching in front of the door because of his height. you quickly look at the other classrooms, acting as if you never saw him and ignore your heart beating at a quick pace. you’re in front of the room, just behind him and realize how tall he is. he looks back and catches your gaze before he smirks and waves at the professor inside. (they are clearly victims of the good boy facade he puts, you think). akari whistles to herself before going inside and gives the folders to your professor while you follow behind.

“ah thank you y/n! and akari. you can have your lunch now.” you bow quickly and smile before you shut the door gently. you fix your blazer and pat your skirt before going to the cafeteria with akari. on the way she keeps teasing you about how you daydream of tsukishima when you’re in class. she keeps mentioning his smirk when you’re eating and you almost choked on the food, since yes, maybe his smirk is attractive you think, maybe, you repeated.

“how’s life with rich people?” she whispers since she accompanied you to the library because you’re planning your scenes already and what emotions you’ll pick for the montage output. you stopped writing and closed your notebook, and rolled your eyes playfully because you know what she really wants to ask.

“i know you’re asking about oikawa, so go.” you say while crossing your arms on the wooden table, and stretch your back after writing for twenty minutes. on the time you’re working, she’s humming random songs and twirls her pen on the papers she brought, scribbling lines and occasionally add doodles on the paper.

“tsk, at least i’m proud of it.” she comments while you gasp, wondering why kuroo and her keeps forcing you to admit you like him. it wasn’t that you’re uncomfortable, your answer remains the same, you have a reputation to take care of.

“anyway! i heard you were mean to him.” she adds while burying her head in her open book, it’s obvious that she’s bored but she accompanied you nonetheless. you stopped twirling your hair and you processed what she said. how did she know, you lamented to yourself while your brows furrow.

“terushima… he doesn’t shut up. he might’ve mentioned that.” akari massages her scalp while looking at you, she’s attempting to relieve the minimal pain she’s feeling in her head. you continued to write on how the scene will go but your sentences ended in scribbles. you’re terribly annoyed that terushima talked about the party even, it wasn’t necessary, you thought while biting your lip.

“agh! whatever. it’s the truth.” you cried out after contemplating for a few minutes. you lean back on the chair, drinking from your water bottle to hydrate yourself once in a while. you sigh in satisfaction when the cold water goes to your chest, awakening your sleepy eyes. the silence helps you gain your focus and plan your outfit and makeup on the montage, but akari breaks the silence with a question.

“yeah sure.. the truth. so when are you gonna admit that you actually like tsukishima, huh?” akari prompts her elbow while a cocky smile goes to her face. you hum and stopped writing, utterly confused with her expression.

“well i like him but- what?! you and kuroo should be locked away somewhere.” you rambled after realizing her true intentions of why she asked that question. you kicked her foot slightly under the table to get back at her. she hisses slightly while you bow quickly to apologize. you sigh before grabbing your phone and usher akari to take a selfie in the library, even though her face looks funny on the picture, you’ll still keep it. while she looks through the photos you took, you look at the window and many thoughts keep overlapping but one thought stands out. should i finally admit that i have a crush on him? what if he doesn’t like me though? those are the thoughts you pondered on on the way home and the next few months.

it’s been five months since those thoughts spiralled on your head, almost haunting you every night. this day marks the start of vacation, no more school work to do and you’re not pretending to be a good student on campus all year. it's been a few months since you passed the montage output and you remembered how your professor’s mouth is open while watching yours, it boosted your confidence. you picked unrequited and longing which seems two complicated emotions to work on a montage but that’s what you like about it. when you did your shoot months ago, you couldn’t forget the horror on kuroo’s face when he saw the smudged make-up on your face while your dress looked elegant.

you waved him off that time and continued to film the flowers dancing to the wind, the group of birds flying high, and you accidentally filmed tsukishima walking away while the sun hit his direction and it created a warm yet nostalgic vibe. that time he didn’t give you insults or anything but god, he was cocky. kuroo and oikawa noticed how things changed on the two of you, because normally they’d be seeing you going at each other’s throats. but you did your own thing, and you didn’t complain about filming him and instead he saw you giggling to yourself while looking at the camera. the black haired finally connected the puzzles together and came to a conclusion: you’ve come to terms that you like tsukishima.

“i really like him! believe me.” you defended and hugged the pillow laying on the couch. you invited tsukishima to your house to convince your parents that you like each other even though you’ve been together for a few months already. when you often walk with your boyfriend (calling him that still makes you blush), you always see oikawa and kuroo snickering to themselves, and you teased kuroo that he replaced you with another. sadly, your mom didn’t like the idea and she went to another country to calm down, you think. that time you realized where you got your sulky attitude from. your dad acts casual and asks questions one at a time. you’re grateful because you couldn’t handle many questions at once and the accusations you’ll hear from your mom isn’t what you wanted right now. your dad giggles when you act pouty and defensive, while tsukishima bounces his leg to relieve the slight to little nervousness he has, he convinces himself. it didn’t help when kuroo grip his shoulder tight and give a little speech on how to protect you and show how to care.

“she does… unfortunately.” he whispers the last word which infuriates you and hits his head with the pillow lightly. your dad didn’t hear what he said so he glares at you, shaking his head, as if he’s saying not to hit your boyfriend. you pout and cross your arms, and give him the face that’s supposed to threaten people but it doesn’t work for him. (one time, you realized you’re friends with people who have resting bitch faces).

“do you want me to be your enemy again?” you threaten him but you fail because a big smile goes to your face. you fix the hair clip on the back of your head to keep your hair away.

“sure if it means i can see you be angry but look cute.” he retorts back and while you're about to explode, from your peripheral vision you see your dad giving him a big thumbs up and an awkward wink. he sends him a nod and acts cool.

"hmm, now i get why you like each other y/n." your dad comments he pats the space beside him. tsukishima gently rubs your lower back before letting you go, even though his heart is beating wild in his chest. you sit beside your dad before tightly embrace him, relieved of his reaction to your new relationship.

"thank you dad. we'll protect each other, don't worry. you can kick him if he broke up with me though." you whisper the last part so the blonde wouldn't hear you (he's suspicious based on the narrowing of his eyes and the gaze you feel at the back of your head). he pats your back while giggling lightly and stand up. he enjoys seeing you lost in your world and see the genuine happiness glowing in your eyes. this is something he should've done sooner, he thought because all these years you're caged in this house, alone and lonely.

“tsu-ki-shima-kun, let’s go?” you tease him because he once told you that calling him like that stirs something inside him. you giggle and look to him softly, an indirect way of asking permission to loop your arms together. you respect his boundaries, always, even though it didn't seem like it a few months ago. he nods and pushes his glasses, and you loop them while seeing his ears down to his neck go a little red.

“hey, let’s go to the library. it’s quiet there.”

you get out of the house and wave to the idiots (kuroo and oikawa) as you call them before going to the library with him. you had nothing to study for and you knew why he wants to go there, with you, you just know.

this is the sky castle, the place where you bring down people to walk forward. but after thinking about it, walking together with tsukishima doesn't sound bad.

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thinkingisadangerouspastime · 3 years

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(pt 1) i really enjoy all your atla analyses & you've done a great job breaking down the usual arguments re how eip shows that kataang shouldn't have happened. i'm curious about your take on one specific argument that i just saw today, in an analysis of the show by a zker that was otherwise quite good and respectful (i know you've already talked about eip a lot, so no problem if you don't feel like rehashing). the premise: aang didn't just pressure katara in eip, he threatened her.

(pt 2) they point to when katara joins aang & asks if he’s alright: “aang: no, i’m not! i hate this play! katara: i know it’s upsetting, but it sounds like you’re overreacting. aang: overreacting? if i hadn’t blocked my chakra, i’d probably be in the avatar state right now!” the suggestion is he’s threatening her when he says ‘i’d probably be in the avatar state right now’ to describe his anger. i think this take exaggerates and oversimplifies it, but interested in your thoughts on it.

Hello my friend!! It is true I am Old inside and don’t like rehashing dhdlksjslks BUT your comments on my posts are always incredibly kind and insightful so I am more than willing to do a bit of rehashing for you 🥰 Besides! I’ve seen this general take before a few times and it’s always irked me for the exact reason you point out - it simultaneously exaggerates and oversimplifies the situation (and honestly that’s an impressive duality since it’s seemingly contradictory, so hats off to them lmaooo) - and now is as good a time as any to address it. So, for starters, let’s go ahead and get the excerpt they love to focus on so much:

Cut to Aang standing alone on a balcony. Katara enters and walks up to him.

Katara: Are you all right?

Aang: [Angered.] No, I’m not! I hate this play! [Yanks his hat off and throws it on the ground.]

Katara: I know it’s upsetting, but it sounds like you’re overreacting.

Aang: Overreacting? If I hadn’t blocked my chakra, I’d probably be in the Avatar State right now!

Here’s the thing about so-called analyses of this excerpt: in a manner extremely convenient to the poster, they never seek to contextualize this moment. (I mean, to do so would deplatform their entire “argument” - perhaps that’s why they avoid performing a full analysis?) So let’s avoid that pitfall from the start.

Firstly, below are some links to related posts; I’m going to do my best to summarize the most relevant parts, but for anyone who desires greater detail, I gotchu 😤

This post explains why EIP (the play, lol) is imperialist propaganda and is intended to belittle the entire Gaang.

This post explains how Aang never acted “entitled” to Katara’s affections, particularly in regard to EIP.

This post breaks down the infamous EIP kiss like Snopes Fact Checker, covering common misconceptions, important perspectives to consider, etc.

Alright. With that out the way, it’s time for some context.

Aang and Katara have this conversation on the balcony after watching 95% of “The Boy in the Iceberg,” a play chock-full of Fire Nation propaganda that demeans the entire Gaang in order to prop up the Fire Nation as superior (hence why the play ends with Ozai’s victory). Here is my general breakdown of Aang and Katara’s treatment in particular from a previous post:

- katara, an indigenous woman, is highly sexualized and portrayed as overly dramatic and tearful, because the fire nation objectifies women not of their own people and views them as less intelligent and less emotionally stable

- aang, the avatar, the sole survivor of the fire nation’s genocide of the air nomads who is incredibly in-touch with his spirituality and femininity, is portrayed as an overly-airy and immature woman. the fire nation portrays him with a female actor to demean him (like, that’s classic imperialistic propagandist tactics) and furthermore writing his character as a childish airhead reinforces the fire nation sentiment that the air nomads were weak, foolish people who did not deserve to exist in their world

In other words, these kids have just watched almost an entire play that preys upon their insecurities and depicts them using racist and sexist stereotypes about their respective nations. It is completely understandable that tensions might run a little high and that their interactions would not be as balanced as usual (Katara and Aang have a great track record of communicating well with each other, as it happens!).

So we have to keep that in mind when examining the aforementioned excerpt. But there are other factors to consider, too! Namely: they are kids. Children. Teens. Aang is 12, Katara is 14.

If we want to be scientific, a person’s brain doesn’t finish developing until they are 25, lmao, and the preteen/teen years are when the prefrontal cortex that controls “rationality,” “judgement,” “forethought,” etc. is still developing. This doesn’t mean Aang and Katara are irrational and make poor decisions 24/7 (obviously not), but it does mean that in an intense, highly emotional situation, like after watching a play that intentionally demeans them and depicts them as inferior, they are more likely to overreact, more likely to be emotional, and more likely to make mistakes. Like, I’m serious, lol. “Teens process information with the amygdala.” That’s part of the brain that helps control emotions! It’s why teens sometimes struggle to articulate what we’re thinking, especially in situations that require instinct/impulse and quick decisions, because we’re really feeling whenever we make those choices. Acting more on emotion. Our brains simply haven’t finished developing the decision-making parts, lmao.

In sum: Aang and Katara are both kids, not adults, and should be interpreted as such. This doesn’t negate their intelligence, because they are both incredibly smart and Aang is arguably the wisest of the Gaang, but they are human. Young humans. They have emotions, and we should not be so cruel as to assume they’d never act on them.

So taking that all together, we can now acknowledge the high stress Aang and Katara are under, understand why they might be upset (*cough* imperialist propaganda is hurtful *cough*), and examine how their youth might play into their emotional reactions. And funny thing - all analyses that come to the conclusion of Aang “threatening” Katara here do not usually bother with this context. I can’t imagine why!

And you know what, let’s add one more piece of context: Sokka states that Aang left the theater “like, ten minutes ago,” which is what cues Katara to go look for him on the balcony. The reason I mention this line is because to me, it suggests Aang knew he was more worked up than usual! He chose to separate himself from his friends so he could process his frustration! He did not take his anger at the play out on them; instead, he purposefully took time and space to be alone.

With that in mind, I don’t understand at all how Aang’s Avatar state quote could be interpreted as a threat? Canonly, Aang is someone who was aware enough of his frustration to separate himself from the others - yet the logical next step is him threatening Katara as a result? He knew his intense emotions were because of the play (which he says himself), so the logical conclusion is that he then pinned the fault on Katara? What?? Sorry, that interpretation has no textual basis, lmao. But I digress!

Aang tells Katara, “If I hadn’t blocked my chakra, I’d probably be in the Avatar State right now!” As you said, this is the line people point to in an attempt to justify their (baseless) conclusion that Aang is “threatening” Katara. So let’s bring in the two key pieces of context: imperialist propaganda and age. Given that Aang is 12, and given that Aang has just watched almost a full play that demeans him and everything his people stood for (and let’s not forget it also mocks his and Katara’s love for each other)…

His reaction is understandable. An exaggeration and needlessly dramatic, but understandable. He feels vulnerable and insecure and Aang is human. He is human and flawed and he overreacts here and I love that A:TLA shows how even our heroes, even people who are truly good at heart and in soul, can get overly upset (especially given the aforementioned circumstances!). Would Aang actually be in the Avatar state at that moment, had it been possible? Of course not! He’s young and he’s hurt and as such he says something dramatic to convey his anxieties and frustrations. The line is not meant to be taken literally, and seeing people do so despite all the factors that should be taken into consideration when analyzing it… Cue a long, tired sigh from me and so many other A:TLA fans.

And to be honest? I cannot fathom how people watch this episode and come to the conclusion that Aang is “threatening” Katara. To me, this episode - besides being a recap episode - is one that humanizes our cast even further. Aang snaps at Katara, kisses her when he shouldn’t (which the story appropriately treats as wrong). Katara pushes down her true feelings and retreats into herself, afraid to start a relationship with the boy she loves because she’s already lost him once before and can’t bear to do so again. Zuko further confronts the hurt he’s enacted upon others, especially upon Iroh. Toph practices being vulnerable and accepting vulnerability from others by conversing with Zuko. Sokka witnesses how others have erased his contributions and labelled him as nothing more than the token nonbender in the group. Even Suki learns that she is not the only person who holds a place in Sokka’s heart and that she can never replace what he has lost.

To watch this episode where our heroes must come to terms with how the Fire Nation deems them inherently inferior, with how they have more fights to overcome in the future with the Fire Nation than a single war, and to come to the conclusion that… that what, Aang is abusive? A monster? Irredeemable? That he would threaten his best friend, someone he loves in every way?

Wow. That says more than enough about the viewer, doesn’t it?

#getting back into the swing of things babey ✌️#aang #katara #kataang #kataangtag #the ember island players #atla #avatar the last airbender #amy answers #dramaticowl #amy analyzes #also i am speaking in GENERAL TERMS here lmaooo this is not a direct response to any one post 😂😂

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

Text

Speaking of Boone, the other day I had a very weird crack!fic kinda idea that’s like The Hangover + superheroes + why is my brain like this. Basically, there’s a public figure in Vegas that’s being targeted for assassination and Dick’s the Titan available to handle protecting them. Boone of course is the assassin hired for the job.

Somehow this leads to them both waking up in bed together with wedding rings on and absolutely no idea what happened the night before. Cue mutual exclamations of “ugh, not YOU” followed by the obligatory fight scene but in their underwear (the trashed honeymoon suite gets charged to the Titans’ expense account later and there is much clearing of throats and “Dick, you wanna explain this” to be had). And then both go to do their jobs but discover the public figure that’s the reason they’re both there is now mysteriously missing. And Dick’s searching high and low for him in order to protect him and Boone’s searching high and low for him in order to kill him, and their searches keep crossing paths and getting them in each other’s way.

And somehow they end up working together to rescue him from an unknown third party so that Boone can kill him then and Dick can stop him from killing him, look, its not a perfect arrangement but its better than them tackling each other through seven story windows every other hotel on their search routes. They can at least agree that that’s definitely slowing both of them down. And they really do need to figure out who actually has the target if Dick’s gonna protect them and Boone’s gonna get paid, cuz apparently that only happens if HE kills the target, not just if the target ends up dead for other reasons. He already checked. Just to be sure, see.

Meanwhile, they still have absolutely no idea what happened the night before and are mostly convinced the other is somehow behind it.

Dick: This kinda stunt is right up your alley, Boone. I mean I’m not sure why or what it gains you exactly, but that’s exactly what makes it something you would do! Your mind is so incomprehensible and every breath you take irks me and I am mightily irked therefor clearly, you must be responsible.

Boone: Ahah! I always knew you wanted in my pants and now I have proof! Admit it, its the only possible explanation! Nothing else makes sense! Nuh-uh-uh, dooooon’t even try and throw me off course with your so-called “deductive reasoning” pfft, I know what’s really going on here. I figured it out, I win, you lose. Suck it, nerd.

Dick: How am I a nerd, exactly?

Boone: Umm, idk, you just are? That’s just what you call a teacher’s pet, which is, uh, obviously you? Boom. Nailed it.

Dick: What are you even talking about? If anyone’s a teacher’s pet here its you! You had your nose so far up Shrike’s ass.....

Boone: Was that before you killed him? Or was that after you killed him?

Dick: For the last. Fucking. Time. I. Did. Not. Kill. Him. He FELL. And wow you really did NOT think through how that just sounded.

Boone: LOL, yeah okay the incredibly skilled master assassin ‘tripped and fell’. Makes total sense. Why would I possibly doubt you. Oh I feel so foolish now.

Dick: Maybe that has to do with your outfit. Orange, seriously? With your skin tone? And I never said he tripped and fell, Two-Face shot him and then he fell. Kinda a key contributing factor there.

Boone: Hateful. You’re HATEFUL. And people in disco-themed leotards should not throw stones. Also, for the record, Two-Face couldn’t have shot him if YOU’D just shot Two-Face earlier that night like you were SUPPOSED to.

Dick: Oh I see so first I’m responsible for Shrike’s death because I killed him and now I’m to blame because I didn’t kill someone?

Boone: La la la la there you go trying to confuse me with logic again but I’m not listening! La la la la la!

The henchman they’d both been after pipes up then: Do you two need a room? Like damn, I thought you were only fake-married but clearly I was wrong.

Boone: Literally how dare you.

Dick: Wow. Just wow.

They both knock him out simultaneously and then wince. Ooops. He was their lead. Dammit. Now they have to wait for him to wake up.

Dick: Can you believe the nerve of that guy?

Boone: Where does he even get off getting uppity with us? He’s a total amateur! We had him down in like, two moves! I mean seriously, who even trained him?

Dick: Tell you one thing, he would have never made it in Vengeance Academy, that’s for damn sure.

Boone: Pfft. Loser would have washed out on day one. Even Dennis could have kicked his ass back when we were twelve. Hey you remember Dennis right?

Dick: Ohhhhh man, Dennis! Wow, haven’t thought about him in years. Hey whatever happened to him anyway, do you know?

Boone: I heard he ended up working for either Vandal Savage or Count Vertigo. It was one of those ‘ruling the world is my divine right and I like to smite my minions when they fail me or I just have low blood sugar’ types. Can’t remember which. He’s definitely dead though, that part I’m clear on.

Dick: Huh. Yeah, that sounds about right. He was not good.

Boone: He really wasn’t.

Both stop and stare at each other suspiciously, because what, now they’re AGREEING with each other? What fresh hell is this. Seriously. Who is refereeing this even and what does it take to get a flag on the play.

They do ultimately concede that there might, MIGHT be a slim, infinitesimal possibility this unknown third party has something to do with it as some kind of distraction or way to keep them occupied, but even if that turns out to be the case they’re still like 92.67% sure the other is still ultimately to blame for that somehow.

Look they’ve run the numbers and the math doesn’t lie.

#boone aka shrike

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taechaos · 3 years

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I was totally not stalking your blog :D, and caem across this drabble of the notebook were Oc is insecure about her body ans how jk would react, and it was so ummm good?, amazing?, fantastic? and now im kinda wondering how that same situation would go but with Tae from the idea series, only if it is okay

oh thank you so much :DD ALSO I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED BC THIS IS RLY EXCITING 😫😫 love me a stalker tho

ps not proofread cuz its 5 am lOLLoL

Nights are dreadful. You've been having trouble sleeping for some time now, each day going to sleep a little later than the day before, and normally you'd be worried about your sleep schedule for when you eventually go off to college, but you're not. You dread the night because not only do you toss and turn until the sun rises, but because of the overthinking that comes with.

Your hormones are toying with you, from the self-deprecating thoughts to breaking out. If the blemishes and the scars aren't enough, you feel heavier. Normally, you wouldn't care so much for these factors because it's the cycle of life and mother nature, and usually there's no one around to judge you; but Taehyung is in your bed every night, and he sees you every day.

Now, you didn't use to care so much about Taehyung's thoughts about your appearance because he's your step-brother. That was until you began harboring some feelings for him due to a few turn of events, and well, now you're insecure and care about what he thinks. And he's around you all the time, so he's destined to judge you at some point.

These thoughts, along with the fact that you don't like yourself so much right now, are not helping. They're haunting, if anything, and you turn on your side in the dead of the night with Taehyung sleeping on the other end of the bed.

At least you thought he was until he smacked your hip over the blanket with a grumble. "Stop fucking moving, damn." He doesn't sound like he just woke up, instead his tone is alert and slightly irritated. Nights with you have been disastrous because he can't cuddle you from how many times you switch positions and the way you refuse affection. He's stopped himself from slapping you multiple times for whacking his hand away or your witty remarks. Such a bitch.

"Go to your own room then," you huff in a hushed voice and roll your eyes. Your back no longer faces him when he pulls on your shoulder, prompting you to look up at him with crossed arms. He's not impressed with his empty gaze; clearly tired after a busy day and still up at 4 AM. He props his elbow to lean his cheek on his fist.

"Are you afraid I'm going to fuck you in your sleep or something? That was a one time thing– okay, maybe more than once," he rolls his eyes when you look at him sarcastically with high brows and low lids, "but it's not like I'll do it again! I respect women and consent and all that good stuff now, so with this reassurance, let's fucking sleep already." He taps your cheek before throwing his arm over your chest and snuggling his face into your shoulder, his figure practically covering half of you. You don't move as he blows out a deep breath through his nose, clearly relaxed while you still have your eyes open.

A moment of silence passes, and Taehyung whose sense of time is greatly flawed, peeks an eye open to see if you're asleep after twenty seconds of waiting. "Are you awake?"

"No, Tae, I sleep with my eyes open," you spit and he immediately flicks your forehead with his finger. You whine at the sting. The sibling energy irks you when you think about his impact on your sleep schedule, and so on...

"No wonder you always look like a zombie nowadays," he sighs with a shake of his head before joking, "Ugly."

The only sensible reason as to why tears well up in your eyes instantly is that your period is approaching. That must be it, you convince yourself and purse your lips to stop the gradual trembling. It simply isn't the best time to joke about your appearance, because lately your heart intends to take everything so seriously. You hate your current sensitivity, but you can't exactly lower it on a scale.

So you just hold it in.

Taehyung waits for a response for a whole minute before squinting at your side profile. He can see another layer building up on your eye, and he holds himself up by his palm to get a closer look. "Are you good?"

When someone tries really hard to hold back tears, it's so easy for them to break down just by hearing the question: "Are you okay?" Taehyung isn't so empathetic in his approach, but the result is the same when you blink. It's 4 AM for God's sake, people play truth or dare after midnight for a reason. It feels just so intimate at this time, and you can't help the one sob that slips past your lips.

Your step-brother stares wide-eyed at you before bursting out in laughter. "Oh my God, don't tell me you're crying because I called you ugly?"

"Shut up," you demand with a wavering voice. Not the best time to be mocked either.

"Princess, I was kidding," he straddles you by sitting on your thighs to lean down, hands palming your flushed cheeks as he chuckles. "You cry so easily."

Taehyung is arguably either the worst or the best consolation by how he makes your sadness feel so out of place; stupid and worthless.

"I know I look like shit, okay?" you hiccup and slap his hands away to wipe your tears. "You don't have to be around me all the time if you find me so ugly. You know I'm insecure. Wh-why would you say that?"

He clicks his tongue and brushes away the hair strands sticking to your face. "Because I didn't know you'd be so offended by it. Princess, take a joke; I was just commenting on your eyebags. You look like a fucking raccoon."

Your cries get a little more heartwretching when you struggle to breathe over your hiccups and sobs. "You're so mean!" you cover the top of your face in shame. "Do you enjoy watching me cr-cry?"

"Kind of," he scratches the back of his head with a sheepish grin. Your sudden temporary silence makes him sweatdrop and avoid eye contact. "Okay, listen, no, I just don't feel bad about it. I mean I would be mad if someone else made you cry, but you're crying over a joke–"

"Just leave," you cut in with a sniffle. You stare at the ceiling as your lips fall into a hard line. Though you know you'll change your mind later, right now he's more toxic than you can bear. Every word he says cuts deep. "You're making it all worse."

"Okay, wait," he holds up his hand with a sigh. "Tell me what you're insecure about. Your body? I'm the only one who'll ever see it, so who gives a–"

"You called me ugly."

"You are gorgeous, okay?" he emphasizes each word and closes in on your face. "There is nothing I don't love about you. Ugh," he shivers, "didn't mean to sound romantic."

You're growing sleepy as the aftermaths of your breakdown, and you can only muster a chuckle at his genuine distress.

"Well, I already started, so I'll go full simp mode, your body is a temple, queen. Scratch that, you're my fucking goddess. I want to worship you, but someone's been too busy crying and staying up to notice my sexual frustration for the past week."

A laugh escapes you at his antics that you only get a glimpse of every now and then. You know he doesn't know how to comfort you or take care of you when you cry, but his humor works in his favor.

"By the way, I can't believe you didn't let me touch you," he scoffs. "I was going to start doing it in your sleep again, but you wouldn't even do that! Then you go around, bitching and whining about being ugly like a stupid girl."

"Stupid? I–"

He cuts you off by pressing his index finger on your lips. "Don't talk. You're pretty and sexy, especially when you cry. Let me do the thinking for you, stupid girl. Do one thing right and go to sleep, I'll take care of the rest."

#big brother tae strikes again #a Bully 😞#idea tae #he thought he wouldnt do it again but the opportunity arose and he took it and somnophilia was back in his life #taehyung imagines

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no-reply95 · 3 years

Note

3, 9, 22, 90 and 91!

Thanks for the ask!

3. When is your birthday?

13 August 1995

9. How tall are you?

5 '11 (I think around 178cm so very tall, used to be very self conscious about my height but now I accept giraffe life)

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

No, let's hope it stays that way!!

90. What makes you angry?

In a social media sense, people thinking they know it all when they don't. I generally hate people who get really arrogant about their opinions, a clash of opinions is fine but I feel like mutual respect goes a long way so when I think it's lacking I get a bit irked.

In a real life sense, I'm not sure. I guess when I think too hard about the state of the world and the fact that less than 1% seems to own everything while the rest of us kill ourselves just to have a chance of having a decent life it does make me feel angry (can you tell I've just finished watching Squid Game :D). I live in London and the thought of one day owning a home that's bigger than the size of a shed feels about as likely as winning the lottery so yeah... I try not to dwell on it too much! I'm also not a fan of people who think that working hard is the only thing anyone needs to do to be a success, there are so many factors at play that mean it isn't a fair race from pretty much day 1 for a lot of us so having certain people in power (*cough* the Tories) makes me even less hopefully for the future, guess I gotta find me a sugardaddy!!

91. Do you like your own name?

Similar to my height it's another one that I was initially self-conscious of. "Lizzy" isn't my real first name (you can DM if you want to know my real one), it's just my Christian name. My family originate from Nigeria so I have a Nigerian name and I would always be embarrassed by people not knowing how to pronounce it, misspelling it etc. Going on school trips there would never be any souvenirs with my name on, it was just another way that I felt like an "other" and like I didn't really fit in. Thankfully over time I was able to meet more people from similar backgrounds and get to a place where I can understand the power of my name and the beauty in difference. London is such a multicultural place so, wherever you're from, you will find your tribe and also get to educate others about your background, through your name, so now I definitely like it and, if I have kids one day, would definitely want them to have a Nigerian name too!

#asks #about me #hope those answers were okay???

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nulltune · 3 years

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' merry christmas, happy holidays! i got'cha some freaky books since ya seem ta like that flavor so much. ' thunk. in front of her lands a box full of bdsm ecchi manga. the cardboard smells a little gross and moldy. he's definitely not telling her where he got this from, or how much it cost, but he seems self-satisfied... especially when he brings out a small cake and slides it towards her. ' still, y'like these sortsa things the most, don't'cha ? i got it fresh. enjoy! '

An incomprehensible look crosses delicate features, hazel eyes lingering on the abrupt "gift" (all while trying her best to ignore that gross little "smuusgsh" sound the cardboard had made upon impact with the ground). Freaky books...?? Certainly not the most choice word to describe anything, really. Was he trying to get some irked reaction out of her? If that were the case, her rebellious nature would want to give him the opposite of it, truthfully. The reaction she does end up giving, however, is nothing but genuine; as always.

Crossing her arms, her chin lifts, glancing down on the books with a look of scrutiny. His oh-so-lovely words still lingering in her mind. That flavor... what flavor?! ❝ ...Yan Qing, it's rude to give people your hand-me-downs. For Christmas, especially. ❞ Heh. How's that witty remark for this— super weird gift! Following the neutral look of displeasure is a faint blush of pink from seeing how... explicit some (read: all) of these covers were. ❝ Also, my tastes aren't so crude—! ❞ Seriously, who would ever think to give pure and innocent Hakuno Kishinami a box of heavy R18 manga?! Literally and metaphorically speaking!

...Someone who knew her tastes quite well, actually. While the Kishinami herself would flush red and bark up sputter out tangents in denial of it — or rather, in defense of it — the girl held a... perverted side to her that no one would have ever suspected; and a side of her that has earned her a certain nickname from Yan Qing. A ruthless DOM-S. So—! The point is, terrible cardboard box aside, these gifts weren't... outright terrible. Embarrassing, maybe. Ah, no, no, it most definitely is embarrassing! With that thought in mind, she's opens her mouth to scold Yan Qing with the etiquette of not gifting a girl these sorts of things (What's next? A box full of adult toys? Seriously...!), only for it to continue to remain in that slightly parted state — interrupted by the sight of the small (but surely very very tasty) cake.

❝ O-Oh... ❞ The size played no factor in her reaction, heart already swelling from the mere sentiment of such gifts. Yes, odd BDSM ecchi manga included, she supposed. I thought of you, that was the simple yet heartwarming feeling behind it all. ❝ Right— Merry Christmas..! ❞ Spoken much too late, isn't it! But do excuse her, she's never celebrated the holidays like this before. Nor received gifts like these before. One weird gift, one sweet gift (pun absolutely not intended); what an experience. A thing to remember, surely.

The sparkle in her eyes is characteristic of a Hakuno Kishinami in sight of a sugary treat, she had quite the remarkable sweet tooth after all. Her gaze lands not at the desert however, it's a warm gaze solely fixated on her friend — only closing along with a closed eye smile, the corners of her lips tugging upwards just slightly. ❝ Got it fresh? Who says that about a cake... ❞ A little exhale, laced with a fondness to it. Carefully, she'd take ahold of the cake. ❝ But— If you say so, then we better get to eating it, shouldn't we? ❞ A gentle correction, because while it is a gift for her, it's a cake this good... Surely even someone with Yan Qing's palette would enjoy it too! (And if not, a little experimental taste should be just fine). In the first place, for her, it was always a we.

...It's a we that will be watching something festive together as well. Hakuno doesn't seem to mind flipping through titles upon titles to find the perfect movie to watch together, the girl already being quite entertained by the very act itself. ‎❝ Let's see, hm. How The Binch Stole Christmas... A Christmas Tale... Angy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever..? Oh, she does look very cute— ❞

super late xmas asks, no longer accepting!

+ tsunday shenanigans 🐧

#tenkoseiensei #&&. message #q.#SUPER LATE LMAO BUT TY 4 DIS TSUNO WUNOOO 🥺#GXKEHFJEJFJS H.AKUNO WOULD ALSO LIKE TO MAKE IT CLEAR!!!!! 99% OF THE REASON SHE LIKES THE B.DSM E.CCHI MANGA IS BC ITS FROM YQ OKOK #LITERALLY THATS IT!!!!!#yes she'll probs read it out of curiosity bUT THAT'S IT-#/also hi yes this is da start of tsunday FEJGJSJFHDJ #I WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID I WAS GONNA BE A MENACE!!!!!!#ILY TSUN <3 APOLOGIES FOR DA SPAM THAT IK IS AWAITING U 💞💞

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lokismusings · 4 years

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Russell T Davies on straight actors and gay characters.

I decided to put this here because I post a lot of Hilson stuff. As an actor, this article hit a nerve. However, as a defender of free speech, Davies is allowed to have his opinion without me thinking of him as insensitive. Just like I am allowed to have my own opinion and argument, and ask questions without being labeled “homophobic, intolerant” etc. (that would just make me laugh because have you SEEN my blog? Anyway, I’ve seen a few other websites covering this article. I am also very skeptical of everything I read, including the sources, and I try not to blindly believe everything. That being said, I felt like posting this to get other opinions and ask honest question to help my understanding. If this has already been covered on Tumblr, please feel free to send me the conversations! Some background on me: I graduated with a BA in Theatre and have worked both on and off the stage since I was twelve years old. I have directed plays and an audio play. Given my experience and dedication to my craft, I think my opinion is worth something.

Also, for the sake of this argument, I am leaving trans-actors out because that’s a whole different post. Here is the article:

https://news.sky.com/story/russell-t-davies-straight-actors-should-not-play-gay-characters-12185652

Okay, so first things first, let’s talk about this: “Speaking to the Radio Times, Davies compared a straight actor playing a gay character to black face.” Something that irks me is when one person tries to speak for a whole community and doesn’t reference people from said community who might disagree: whether it’s the LGBTQ+ community, a religious community, medical community, etc. The list goes on. Here, Davies is speaking on behalf of, or speaking for, both the LGBTQ+ community and the black community, is he not? I am genuinely asking because I would like to be more educated on this kind of speech.

Then Davies says, "I'm not being woke about this... but I feel strongly that if I cast someone in a story, I am casting them to act as a lover, or an enemy, or someone on drugs or a criminal or a saint... they are NOT there to 'act gay' because 'acting gay' is a bunch of codes for a performance.” Does that not discredit his whole statement? If any actor does a caricature version of anything and doesn’t take it seriously or really works to get into the role and the mindset of a character, they’re not a good actor. At least, they’re not an actor that I’d want to hire. Second, by the logic that a straight person shouldn’t play a gay character, should someone without a criminal record not be able to play a criminal character? Before you go off and say “it’s about identity and sexuality, and playing a criminal is about the choice to break the law” or other arguments, I hear you. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the experience. How can an actor who has never committed a crime play a criminal character authentically? They do their research: reading, interviewing, etc. I’m not saying that an actor with a few minor marks on his record shouldn’t be considered for the same role. I’m saying that in an audition setting, if both of these actors were auditing for the role and the non-criminal-record actor just happened to do a better job and fit what the director and/or writer wanted, is that a mark against the criminal-record-actor? Maybe personally because we don’t know what the director is thinking. But chances are, it’s not a mark against the other actor. The other one just happened to have a better audition. Or, a major factor when considering casting, said actor was easy to work with--I’ve seen a lot of talented actors lose a lot of roles because of their inability to take criticism or notes.

Plus, the whole “Breaking Bad” series?? I highly doubt the main actors were meth-making drug-lords. Or, a better example, “The Wire?” In that show, we see the constant battle and deals between drug-lords and cops.

Another point I’d like to make: “...is a bunch of codes for a performance.” That’s exactly right. The audience doesn’t want to know an actor is “performing.” We know that going in, with what is called “suspension of disbelief.” We know the whole show is a performance, but we also expect the actors to be truthful (unless it’s a comedy/farce, but again, that’s a different argument).

Was it bad that, before 2020, some main characters in TV shows were portrayed as straight but the writers ended up “queer-baiting?” I am referring, of course, to House, M.D. (If you follow this blog, you’ll understand.) But I am also referring to the BBC Sherlock Holmes series. Yes, both pairs of characters (House and Wilson; Holmes and Watson) are assumed to be straight. However, some episodes allude that there could also be something more there. Even the actors have said in various interviews that they aren’t sure if it’s a true romance that the characters are afraid to face, or just a strong bond between best friends that blurs the line between platonic and romantic. I’m paraphrasing, but you get the picture. Therefore, should these characters have only been played by straight actors who are questioning their sexuality or feelings for a best friend? Would it have been disrespectful to gay people if these characters ended up becoming romantically involved? (If we ask the Hilson and Johnlock community, I’m guessing that’s a resounding “NO WAY! IT WOULD BE A DREAM COME TRUE!” xD <3)

“It's about authenticity, the taste of 2020.” *Cinema Sins sigh*

"You wouldn't cast someone able-bodied and put them in a wheelchair...” Again I say, directors and casting directors need to ALWAYS search for someone who is in a wheelchair, or deaf, or HOH, etc. before looking for an able-bodied actor to play a character with that disability (I’m iffy on the whole term “disability because of its negative connotations, but I’m using that word in order to keep this post as long as possible). But I give you the example of Rainman with Dustin Hoffman. Or A Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe. Or the play and movie Proof, where the father had a mental illness? Anthony Hopkins was diagnosed late in life with Asperger’s Syndrome, but the father in Proof was written to allude more to schizophrenia. And yet, Anthony Hopkins did a tremendous job in that role. Or Even Forrest Gump with Tom Hanks. Many people today love Tom Hanks and laud him as a “woke” celebrity. But if he were to portray the role of Forrest Gump today, how many people would try to “cancel” him or at least have very strong words for the director not casting an actor with autism, due to the character’s autistic tendencies? A whole lot of people on the internet and Twitter, I’ll bet. As someone who struggles with anxiety and panic disorder, would I be upset if someone without that mental illness got cast in a role of a character struggling with that? Sure I would. But if they did an authentic job and approached the role respectfully, it would be hard to stay irritated. Besides, there are always more roles created practically everyday.

To continue on with Davies’ quote: “...you wouldn't black someone up.” Yikes. I’m sure he didn’t mean this in a cast-off kind of way, but that’s how it comes across. I can see now why he said he wasn’t “being woke about this,” because a more “woke” way of putting that would be...what, exactly? “You wouldn’t cast a non-black person in a black role.” That sounds better and less harsh. Or even “a white person in a minority role.” Which should be common sense, and I agree with both statements.

And then “Authenticity is leading us to joyous places." Oh! Look at that! There’s that word that I’ve been using and emphasizing throughout this whole post! Authenticity is one major brick in the foundation of good, credible acting.

“High-profile examples of straight performers playing LGBTQ+ characters include Rami Malek's Oscar-winning portrayal of Freddie Mercury in Bohemian Rhapsody, and Taron Egerton's Golden Globe-winning turn as Sir Elton John in Rocketman.”

I haven’t seen Rocketman, but I saw Bohemian Rhapsody and it was great! Why am I high-lighting this movie? Because it’s the perfect example of a straight actor playing a gay character and playing it authentically, while also looking a lot like the real person they’re portraying. If a look-a-like had been cast who also happened to be gay, but couldn’t act to save their life or couldn’t bring as much as Rami brought to the role, wouldn’t that kind of put a damper on the film? And yet, Rami Maleck both looked the part and brought an authenticity to the role that many Queen fans loved and appreciated. Even the remaining Queen band members said that he did an incredible job and Freddy would be proud. I wonder if Freddy would care that Rami wasn’t gay? I doubt it, but no one can know for certain.

Then there’s the whole term “gay face.” I personally don’t think this is the right term to use because it could possibly diminish the whole meaning and importance of “black face.” Even if Corden appeared to be mocking gay people (I never watched The Prom so I have no idea what his performance was like), calling it “gay face” takes away from and inadvertently belittles the whole dark history of “black face.” Black face’s whole history comes out of an even darker history of racist times filled with hatred and ignorance. I’m not saying that gay people haven’t had their own experiences with hate and intolerance, but isn’t kind of “un-woke” and “insensitive” to compare the hundreds of years of blatant, public racism against an entire race of people to the intolerance of homosexuals? (Again, I’m asking this genuinely because I want to learn and get other people’s opinions. I’m not trying to speak for any community, and I recognize that my personal opinion on this matter is just that: my opinion. And I could be better informed.)

Along the lines of the above paragraph, is it wrong to say or think that casting a non-minority actor in a minority role is a lot different from casting a straight actor in a gay role? Sexuality comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors; that is to say, every race has people with different sexualities. But I think it would be pretty cringe if a Caucasian actress was cast in a role meant for an Asian or African-American woman.

Director Joe Mantello told Sky News the casting was not intentional, but rather a "very fortunate series of events".

He continued: "That being said, I think having an out gay cast really did inform the work and it took on a particular kind of tone because of that, which is not to say that's the only way to approach this material. But for this particular group, it did something that I think is very, very special. There's a chemistry that they have."

And this man summed up my entire argument! He also put into simpler terms what I have been trying to express about the beauty of theatre: there will always be special casts, especially when there’s a great chemistry from a shared experience. A "very fortunate series of events,” indeed. “The casting was not intentional...” leads me to believe that the director didn’t set out to have an all out-gay-cast, but rather, each actor brought great performances to their auditions and were considered by the director to be perfect for the roles. These actors also just happened to be gay.

If you’re still here after all of that, let me take a moment to sincerely thank you for reading the whole thing! I know it’s a lot, but I’m very passionate about acting and giving each and every actor a fair chance. Let me know what you think, and please be respectful!

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