#it does take patience. and work. it can be ugly and dirty at times. but it is so worth it

[gale-in-space]

Honestly, as certain as dust always comes back to coat my furniture, and dishes reappear in my sink, love finds new ways of revealing itself

[tamagochiie]

Hi!! Could I request a hc for my man Levi Ackerman where he has been crushing on the reader for a while now but thinks he doesn’t really have a chance because she’s just so beautiful, kind and a little on the younger side. And he doesn’t really think that someone like her could ever be interested in someone like him. Then those toughts only get bigger as he sees how much time she spends with Jean or Eren or someone. And then some sort of drama is happening which eventually leads to this dramatic confession from both Levi and the reader. Hope that’s not too long? Have a great day!

First of all, I am SO sorry this request took so long to reply to. I was in a really bad headspace when I first got this, and I couldn’t write it properly at the time. But here I am now! Also, I got waaaay too into this, so I apologize that it’s a little long... 

Move My Mountain ; Levi Ackerman 

Levi Ackerman is nothing short of confidence and pride; insecurity scurries back into the shadows at the sight of him.

But you are sunshine and hope—all the good things in life wrapped in a lilting laugh, tucked in the corners of your lips when you smile, and the twinkling in your eyes;

Just the sight of you makes his title as “Humanity’s Strongest” fray at the edges and wither away, and it irritates him to no end. 

Of all the ugly his eyes have seen and horror his ears have heard, its you that has him weak in the knees, you are a sharp contrast to the stoic man.

You’re young, youthful, and promising—all the things Levi is not. 

Levi is many things, but worthy to feel the warmth you radiate as you walk into any room, a room that he might find himself lingering around in, is not one of them. 

Levi may be sharp, attentive, and quick on his feet (quite literally). But it takes him an embarrassingly substantial amount of time to realize his feelings for you—that no, he does not hate you, but rather he finds himself completely smitten over you.

He realizes he always has been since the first time he saw you as a cadet. You weren’t entirely talented, and your skills were questionably underdeveloped, but you had heart and you were just as determined and fiery as your counterparts. 

Levi looks forward to seeing you persevere during trainings; but he likes it better whenever you waltz into his office and assist him in paperwork he can clearly take care of on his own. 

And you find yourself feeling comfortable around the Captain, entertaining him through small talk or sharing a few fun facts with him that always leave him dumbfounded. 

Not that he’ll show it. 

He’s quite kind to you, and though you found it off-putting at first, you had eventually grown comfortable to it. You even found yourself growing selfish, wanting more and more after each visit. 

However, unbeknownst to everyone save for Erwin and Hange, Levi Ackerman is petty as he is incredibly violent. 

There’s a twinge of jealousy in his chest and a twitch in his eye whenever he sees Jean joined to you by the hip. He’s aware of the history you two share, being childhood friends and choosing to join the Survey Corp together after the attack on Wall Rose. 

But it doesn’t stop jealous seeping out of Levi like a waterfall. 

He hates it when he catches Jean ghosting around you, dipping down to you a little too close for comfort whenever he talks to you, so Levi’s patience snaps like a twig and he crinkles his nose in disgust, steam rising from him when he watches Jean throwing his arm over your shoulders, pulling you close to his chest while you laugh at his jokes. 

A line has been crossed. 

Unfortunately for Jean, though his actions meant no harm, he’s drowned in piles and piles of work within the following week. Levi has him carrying extra weight, makes him run more laps to his knees shake, and riddles him with questionable work from dusk til dawn. 

And just when things die down and the tide of Levi’s jealousy pulls back, it’ll come rushing back in when he catches Jean do another thing like leaning his head on your shoulder after a day’s worth of training. And it begins to bother you, picking at your skin until you can longer keep quiet and watch your friends suffer. 

You’re in the middle of handing Jean your bottle of water (because Sasha chugged all of his in one breath) when Levi cuts in. Maybe it’s the heat of the sun that casts over the training ground, or maybe its the fact that once again, Levi’s jealous has once again gotten the best of him and he’s playing it off as frustration for the whole squad. 

Whatever it is, there’s steam rising off as he glares at you and Jean. 

Levi clears his throat, arms folded across his chest as he taps his foot, “If you have time to drinking other people’s water, Kristien,” Jean chokes on his water when he realizes Levi’s presence, quickly saluting him, “then you’ve got time to do laundry.” 

Jean’s eyes widen, jaw slacking. “B-But I already did that yesterday, S-Sir.” You watch as Levi pulls his brows down, narrowing his gaze intensely as he strides up to Jean. He shifts uncomfortable under Levi’s inspecting eyes and clears his throat to try and gain some composure. 

“That’s the great thing about laundry,” Levi grits, “it always piles up, so why don’t you hurry the fuck up and fuck off.”

However, Levi’s plan to wedge you to apart because you offer yourself to help. 

You may be bubbly and full of life, and some may mistake your soft nature as someone naive and gullible, but you read the room easier than anyone. For the first time, Levi finds himself silenced; throat dried as if sawdust had been shoved into his throat, and he watches you saluting to him before excusing yourself along with Jean. 

Unluckily for you, you become the target of his boiling rage. He’s ticking like a clock, the countdown to another outburst lingering in the air. It’s your turn to be buried in the extra weight of chores and responsibilities, doing more laps and push ups than you can manage. But you never complain, not even once.

Not until Levi strips you and Jean from the opportunity to go out on an expedition and traded off for laundry. 

“I’ve had it!” You boom as you uncharacteristically lose composure, shoving the basket of dirty laundry to the side and causing Jean and Armin to flinch. “I’m gonna do laundry—laundry instead of joining the expedition? You’re kidding!” 

Levi had overworked you painfully til your knees shook and your head felt dizzy, and at some point you wondered if was still training you or if it had any ulterior motive.

“I’m only the barer of the news!” Armin defends, visibly shrinking as you slowly grow unhinged. 

“Then I’ll talk to him!” Jean steps in front of you, looking at you warningly as his chest heaves. “Jean, go away.” 

“No,” He’s firm, headset in stopping you. “Make no mistake, the man is short, but he’s scary as hell. You saw him when he beat the shit outta Eren.”

“I can take a punch,” You state dryly, “now move.” 

You place your arm on Jean’s shoulder, gripping it tightly before swiftly shoving him to the side, causing him to skid on the floor.

Determination drips from every step you take out the room and down the corridor. Your eyes directed towards one door and one door only. You wind past other captains and cadets, not bothering to even take a glance at them as you finally close in on Levi’s office. 

You storm in, not even thinking to knock. You’re met with wide eyes and looks of disbelief from Erwin, Hange, and Levi; they were in the middle of a meeting when you barged in. Erwin’s jaw slacks, his brows pull down as he looks at you quizzically, “Cadet—What are you—”

“You.” You seethes, breathing heavily as you glare at Levi. “Why am I assigned to do laundry instead of joining the expedition?” 

Hange and Erwin turn back to Levi with an alarmed expression painted on their face, as if they were only hearing this for the first time. “Surely, that’s not true,” Erwin chuckles lightly as he grips his hands on the armrest of the chair, shifting uncomfortably underneath the thick tension between you and Levi, “Levi, is this true?” 

“It might be.” He answers dryly, a bored expression in his dark eyes as he glares back at you, “But I’m sorry, am I supposed to be answering to you? Who the fuck do you think you are interrupting a meeting?” 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Your new found confidence not only shocks them, but most importantly you. 

You always kept yourself in your place, never needing to be reminded who you are and what you’re meant to do, always biting your tongue and cheek when you’re angry. You never caused any trouble, but always slyly getting your friends out of it. 

That is, until now. 

“Excuse me?” Levi looks at you in bewilderment. 

“What the fuck does doing laundry have anything to do with saving humanity?” You repeated, balling your fists till your knuckles color white. “I’m one of the best and you know it, yet I’m wasting my time cleaning Reiner’s DIRTY UNDERWEAR EVERY DAY.”

“Bold of you to assume you’re one of the best.” Levi is cold as the first winter of the year, looking completely unfazed by flow of your emotions. But you are, indeed, one of the best, nearly surpassing Mikasa. 

Not that he’d ever admit to it.

“Why am I staying behind?” You press, raising your voice as you take a few steps closer to the desk. 

Unfortunately, Hange and Erwin stay in the crossfire of your argument. They’re unsure when to take the beat to get up and leave.

They worry they missed that opportunity a while ago. 

“It’s dangerous and you’re not ready,” Levi clips. 

“I’m ready and you’re just taking your anger out on me!” You counter, “You don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve been taking your anger out on Jean and now on me?” 

“You made us work to the bone, but we persevered. We pulled through. So, if I can handle Reiner’s sweaty laundry, then I can handle saving humanity. Grow a pair and let me back in on the expedition.” 

“No.” Levi is stern, the grip in his pen is tight and his knees locked in as his ability to stabilize his emotions withers. 

“Why not?” You groan, throwing your head back. “Because it’s dangerous.” He states matter-of-factly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“WHY DO YOU CARE IF ITS SO DANGEROUS?” You’re yelling, breaths labored and chest constricting as your frustration grows. You’re completely unhinged and with little to no care in the world how you look like to everyone in the room. Levi bangs his fists against the surface of his desk, swiftly standing from his chair. Erwin and Hange flinch at his sudden aggression, exchanging looks of surprise. 

“BECAUSE IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO YOU, I WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT I WOUDL DO.” 

Silence falls on the room and after a moment, everyone stands on their toes as they reflect the confession that slips Levi’s lips just moments ago. 

You, Hange, and Erwin look at Levi wish a slack jaw and a puzzled expression. 

“I don’t—“ You swallow thickly and take a deep breath, “I don’t understand what you mean… Why would you—”

“Hange,” Erwin calls out to his friend softly as he clasps his hands together, “I think this is the part where we leave.” 

Hange pouts her lip begrudgingly, “But—“ 

“Now.” Against her will and her wishes for juicy gossip, Hange mirrors Erwin’s actions as he rises from the chair and a hunched position and swiftly scurries out the room. 

You and Levi stand in a thick blanket of silence. Levi is a man of many words, though most are painted in aggressive and backs up his violent tendencies, so he admits his worries about someone and that someone being you, it means everything. 

It comes as a shock—a shock that feels electric and runs down your spine, you feel like you’ll lose your breath. “Why…why would you care?” You come down from your anger and the thumping of your heart calms down. “I don’t—I really don’t understand….” 

Levi licks his lips as he loosens his grip; for the first time you can see him clearly without having to second guess it. He shudders a breath as takes a step back from his desk, the chair scrapping against the floor as he abandons the paperwork and slowly yet surely walks to you. 

You grow tense and the budding anticipation in your stomach spreads through your body and up your throat. It’s only until Levi is a few steps away that you finally tear your eyes from him, dancing around the room desperately looking anywhere but him.

Levi halts his movement, only within an arm’s reach away from you. “I’m not good with words,” He admits in a mutter, more to himself than to you, “but I—I would like to be honest because you make me want to be honest.” 

Levi’s gaze wavers along with the rest of him; his arms fall limp , his hands clammy as he twiddles his fingers to ease the fear hammering in his chest. “I have…” Levi speaks softly, a sharp contrast to how he usually his. His voice comes out dry and gravelly as if he had just woken up. 

“I can easily read others as if I was looking at the back of my hand, and I know  when people feel things…But it took me forever to understand what I felt for you and when I finally caught up with it, I didn’t—I don’t know.” 

Hesitantly, as if you were scared to see something contradicting his words, you meet his eyes and you gasp. He’s looking right at you, eyes full of certainty yet wavering in his doubt that he’ll ever get a chance with you.

“What do you mean?” Your words come out so quiet, Levi almost misses it. “What don’t you understand?” 

“Out of all the things I’ve seen and heard, and all the blood my hands have been stained in, you move me.” 

He steps a little closer and you find yourself holding your breath, “You move me.”  

You don’t know what to say. You scan through your memories, all the ones that you had with him and try to remember what you felt. And maybe you did feel something for him, something more than just cadet and captain, but you never let yourself think too far from it. 

You were scared to let yourself fall, but for some odd reason, Humanity’s Strongest was letting him fall on his knees for you.  

You can’t help but smile and your eyes glistening as you take the final step to close the proximity between the two of you. “

If you’re saying what I think you’re saying then,” You sigh as you close your eyes, your breath fanning against Levi’s cheeks, “don’t be shy to move a little more and show me what you mean.”

 Levi’s takes a moment, studying the look in your eyes as he calculates his movements. He feels excited, but fear pulls the rug beneath his feet and all of a sudden he finds himself more scared of you than any mission he’s even been in. 

You hold his face in your hands, smiling at him. “Don’t tell me you’re shy now.” 

And just like that, your words egg him on and have him pushing all his doubt behind him.

 Levi’s lips are soft against yours, the kiss is gentle yet eager to go deeper. He’s reluctant to cage you in his arms, but when he feels you smile against his lips and how your arms wind around his neck, he realizes he’s eases in. 

Levi Ackerman has seen all the uglies in the word, and had his heartbroken one too many times to count, but you are the only one that moves him. 

[rantingcrocodile]

I've been pondering this.

If men and women are of equal IQ, and women have higher EQ, how is it that men are able to so easily and smoothly manipulate us without us knowing most of the time?

They've convinced many women that they are more oppressed than us, convinced many women that radical feminism is bad, convinced many women that we are not oppressed at all, and have convinced many women that degrading acts like prostitution, rape, abuse, hijab, etc are empowering or hot. They've even convinced us that they are "better women than cis women" (their words, not mine) and we believed them.

What's going on? Why are there basically no women who recognize what's going on if we're apparently just as smart as men are? I'm pretty sure you'd need to be smarter than women in order to trick us so easily.

Hey, if we have higher EQ, doesn't that mean that we'd easily see past this bullshit?

You're looking at this entirely the wrong way.

Aside from the fact that IQ tests and the like are useless, based on very specific kinds of pattern-recognition that depends on how you've been educated (meaning that it's even more useless across cultures and then can be used by racists to say that different groups are "less intelligent" etc), how intelligent women are has absolutely nothing to do with how we're tricked and gaslit by the patriachy.

You have to bear in mind that most of this is down to female socialisation. There are parents who change how they think about their baby from the womb as soon as they're given confirmation that they're having a little girl.

When little girls are taught to be quiet, tidy, thoughtful, given toys replicating housework and child-rearing, when little girls see that boys are allowed to run around, get dirty, be loud, be the centre of attention, etc etc etc, that's all internalised from a young age to prime us to put ourselves last and treat men as being more important.

Then, add on to the messages that little girls see about other girls and women. Little girls are mean and manipulative and will stab you in the back. Father is out to work and hardly parents, so is fun and understanding and silly, but Mother is at home doing chores (even if she works, too!) and does more disciplining, so she's cruel and terrible and is the one that really doesn't understand. Older women are ugly, nasty, vicious gossips. Women, little girls are told, aren't to be trusted, but men are logical and understand the world better. Little girls are taught to gaslight ourselves and keep our experiences to ourselves. Little girls cry more anyway, so feeling upset and alone and misunderstood is just girls being girls and unimportant, so don't bother others, and if other girls are crying, then again, that's just girls, and maybe it's manipulative, too.

When you add all those factors together, male voices are allowed to be the loudest and women tend to put our heads down and just accept what men are telling us. We try to be kind, and any woman who goes against what men are saying are just the ugly, nasty, vicious women they were taught existed, and to be good, then it's right to prioritise men and show those horrible women that they're wrong.

It isn't the victim's fault when they're abused and manipulated into silence and to prioritise and agree with those who have abused her. It's the abuser's fault. It doesn't make the victim any less intelligent. Victims can't simply "stop being victims." It takes time and patience and support to break free of that kind of intense conditioning from birth.

Men would have us think that we're "stupid" and that it's actually our choice to prioritise them, but all that does is deny what we're actually put through. When you see the full context, you realise it has nothing to do with anything other than us being the victims of this abuse - abuse that our mothers internalised too and passed on because they thought it was "normal," passed on from their mothers who also thought it was "normal," to different specifics.

That's where female oppression comes from. Men. Not us. And it isn't our fault.

[loveyhoneydovey]

SFW Alphabet with Joaquín Torres

Note: I've been dying to write something like this so I decided to do it with my baby first. Might do Sam next

All my stories are written with a bisexual reader of colour in mind, but anyone else is more than welcome to read them

Joaquín Torres x GN!Reader

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He’s a very affectionate partner and especially shows his love through physical affection and acts of service. He wants to feel useful and do his best to make life easier and more enjoyable for you.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He’d be the type of best friend that’s not physically there often, due to the nature of his job. However, when you do get a chance to spend it feels like he’s never been gone. He completely focuses on you, asks for updates about your life and checks if you need anything. He’s so chill and he’s got the type of personality that has you at ease. You first met him at a mutual friend’s wedding, you both got a bit tipsy and decided to hang out with each other and that was the start of a beautiful friendship

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

YES!!! As I previously mentioned, he loves physical touch and cuddling is one of his favourite ways of showing affection. He loves being the small spoon and he’s not ashamed to say it. He says it’s because you make him feel safe and makes him feel like he has a home to go back to after all the shit he sees

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He wants to settle down for sure, eventually. Before meeting you, he thought that would come later, but you definitely made him rethink. I don’t think he’s the best cook, but I think he has a few of recipes of food his mom made him when he was younger. Those are the ones he learned to perfect. As for cleaning, because of how strict his life is at the army, I think he allows himself to be a bit messy at home. Definitely messy and not dirty. You both try to split house chores evenly.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I think he’d be honest and would do it in person. Ending a relationship that played such an important part in his life is definitely heartbreaking, but he thinks he owes it to himself and to you to put an end to it before it gets worse. He’d rather end things on semi good terms than letting it sour and go nowhere.

F = Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He always told himself, when it came to relationships, he’d go with the flow and see how he felt about long-term commitment. He’s a m*ilitary boy, so I think he kinda (unintentionally) follows the stereotype and proposes quickly. Although in his case he does it because he’s truly in love with you and doesn’t want to wait longer than he has to make you his. He’d propose after about a year and a half I’d say.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Have you seen him? He’s the gentlest sweetest baby in every way. I think the fact that he sees so much violence and horror during his deployment pushes him to be more gentle in other aspects of his life. More specifically with you and his family. He wants you to feel like you can come to him for anything whether it’s when you’re feeling down or when you’ve cut your finger on a piece of glass. Either way he’ll treat you with kindness, but not like you’re breakable.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

omg he LOVES hugs. Again, due to the nature of his job, he doesn’t get a lot of physical affection, which drives him crazy. So when he’s home, you can expect him to attack you with hugs all day long. Doesn’t matter if you’re washing the dishes or brushing your teeth. He’ll come up from behind and wrap his arms around your waist, while putting his chin on your shoulder. If you’re facing him, he’s going to engulf you and wrap his arms around you. His hugs are warm and comforting and make you feel safe.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

oh real quick, but actually so do you. I actually headcanon that you two say it at the same time by accident. You both were probably nervous because it was after like two months, but end up laughing it off cause you were so in sync.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He understands the root of jealousy is mostly insecurity, so he doesn’t get jealous often, because he’s secure in his relationship with you and is actually pretty confident with himself. Of course, it happens occasionally, he’s only human. However, you both always thought that feeling jealous sometimes wasn’t bad, but what could lead to issues was the way one could act on it. So, whenever he feels jealous he takes a moment to collect his thoughts if he needs to, then you’d both talk about it.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses are often playful and sweet. He doesn’t like to take himself too seriously and neither do you, so you keep things light and playful, but that doesn’t mean it’s not passionate. On the contrary, you feel his love for you with every kiss he leaves on you skin. His favourite place to kiss you is on the nose, because of the way you scrunch it and giggle after he kisses it. As for where he liked to be kissed, soon after you started dating, you found out he loved being shirtless which allowed you to notice he had a beauty mark on the upper part of his right shoulder. From that moment, you developed a habit of kissing it and it made him melt, so it became his favourite place to be kissed.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Oh the BEST. For some reason he attracts them. You told him it was probably because he was a child himself and he flipped you off. You actually think it’s because he’s so cheerful and happy, and he treats them like they’re his friends. You’ve caught him having full on conversations with your friends’ babies who couldn’t even speak yet. And once you had kids, he did the same thing with them.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Whenever possible, you have lazy mornings where you alternate between sleeping, having lazy morning sex and snacking. If it’s a regular morning, he usually has to leave before you, and every time you’d try to distract him and make him stay a bit longer. He’s so used to your “five more minutes, please” that he started waking up five minutes earlier.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

This man has a whole skincare routine before going to sleep. If you also do, then you both complete your routines side by side in front of the bathroom mirror. He might read a bit before bed (and you try to sneakily take a pic of him in his glasses cause you think he looks so cute), or you’d both talk about your day and maybe cuddle a bit before turning off your lamps and getting some sleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He’d open up slowly, there was no pressure between the two of you and he took his time to share the more difficult parts of his life. Now if you open up to him about something defining or traumatic that happened in your life, he might open up faster to let you know you’re not alone, but also to reciprocate the trust you put in him.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s pretty patient most of the time and tries to not let himself get angry over little things, however he’s still human. So depending on the gravity of the situation, he might get angered quickly if he sees something upsetting happening, however, he’s very careful with the way he reacts. He knows something done in anger can lead to regret and guilt, so he thinks before he acts and speaks.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

I think he’d remember an important date like your birthday, he knows around what time your anniversary is, but I feel like he would forget which date it is exactly. He’d remember the most random facts about you, like the kind of stuff where you think he was paying attention, but he was listening subconsciously.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Cliché, but it was during your honeymoon. It was the first time you had referred to him as your husband and it made his heart swell with pride. The love you held for him was so obvious when you looked at him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s protective when he needs to be. He’s not overbearing and trusts that you’re capable of taking care of yourself most of the time. He will step in if he feels like a situation is escalating (let’s say if you’re getting physically or verbally harassed) and he will put himself physically between you and whoever’s trying to harm you.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Omg listen this baby puts so much effort into making your dates enjoyable. He plans out full picnics with cute cakes and charcuterie boards and that doesn’t stop as your relationship progresses. Any gifts he gives you usually have a meaning behind them, and he doesn’t always buy them, sometimes he makes them himself. As I said, he is a bit messy in his daily life, but you two actually have a chart with who’s supposed to do what and that’s how you share your chores, and he does mostly follow it.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He has a habit of leaving some important stuff until the last minute. It works out in the end, but it causes him an unnecessary amount of stress.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

… have you seen the amount shirtless selfies Danny takes? I think Torres is the exact same. So, he does like to take care of his looks, especially when he sees the effect it has on you. And he has to stay in shape either way, due to his job

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

I think he’d be heartbroken and might feel incomplete for the first few months, but as time goes one, he begins to feel whole again and learns to feel self sufficient.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He wants to learn another language fluently someday. He wants to help people and he thinks there’s no better way than being able to understand their needs in their native language to be able to help

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

I think he doesn’t like the smell of cigarettes or smoke. He doesn’t mind if his partner’s a smoker, but he probably wouldn’t be around them while they’re smoking.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

This boy sleeps in the weirdest, funniest positions. Like you’d go to sleep in a normal position side by side, or with your back to him, then when you’d wake up you’d find him in a new position every time.

[plaidbooks]

SFW Alphabet - Rafael Barba

I’ve been meaning to do this for forever--it was bugging me having the rest down and not Raf’s (I still need to do Mike’s at some point, too whoops).

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @thatesqcrush​ @itsjustmyfantasyroom​ @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy​ @infiniteoddball​ @ben-c-group-therapy​ @glowingmess​ @whimsicallymad​ @lv7867​ @storiesofsvu​ @cycat4077​ @shroomiehomie​ @glimmerglittergirl​ @alwaysachorusgirl​ @dianilaws​ @averyhotchner​ @mrsrafaelbarba​ @crowleysqueenofhell​ @detective-giggles​ @dreamlover31​ @prurientpuddlejumper​ @madamsnape921​ @joanofarkansass​

(gif by @minidodds)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Rafael shows his affection in a different way than most. He’s slow and unsteady while trying to open up to you. He needs your help (and patience) to let more of his affectionate side out. He’s definitely a gift giver, showering you with expensive gifts, or a fancy dinner, or a high-class show. But the more he gets used to you, the more he’ll switch from gift giver to physical touch. Cuddling with you, rubbing your calves or shoulders, playing with your hair.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

It started at work, whether you’re a paralegal, lawyer, or detective. You had a particularly snarky response to Rita, leaving her speechless (for once), and Rafael was quick to find out if that was a fluke or if you were that quick-witted. As much as Rafael seems like an egotistical jerk, he’s actually a very good friend. He’s the one you can vent to, or go get a nightcap with, no matter what time it is. He also has amazing advice for almost all situations.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

At first, you have to initiate it. Rafael does love it, but he’s afraid of looking too soft. Once he realizes you’re not running from him, then he’s incredibly touchy, wanting to hold you or be held by you at all times. He’s a big fan of laying on the couch, with you laying on top of him, your body weight comforting.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Rafael wants to settle down, but he needs to be absolutely sure that you’re not going to leave him. He’s afraid of his heart being broken again. But, once you’re in, he’s in, too. He’s been used to cooking for himself for a long time, so he begrudgingly likes it. That is, until he sees how you light up at eating his food; then he likes it more. He hates cleaning—his motto is if nothing is dirty, he doesn’t have to clean. He’s very much a “clean up after yourself” person, his loft immaculate. You don’t mind doing dishes, since he cooks, and you normally do the laundry, but only because Rafael barely has dirty laundry. And if he does, it goes to dry cleaning—except for the odd polo shirt or sweats.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

In person. Rafael has a tight-lipped grimace, upset that it didn’t work out. He’ll stay strong, but you can tell that this hurts him as much—if not more—than it hurts you. He’ll also go to your place to do it, so that if you cry, you’re not out in public, nor do you have to travel home.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

It takes Rafael a while to get married. He moves much slower in a relationship, afraid that if he goes too fast, you’ll be close enough to hurt him. But, once you get past his walls, he’s pretty quick to do the other things, such as moving in together and planning a future.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

At first, Rafael’s not gentle. He doesn’t go out of his way to hurt you or anything, but his sarcasm and arrogance has been a defense mechanism for so long, it’s hard to abandon it. Plus, his public self is what he thinks people want from him, so he hides behind that façade. But again, once you can get him to lower those walls, then you’ll find a hurt, emotional man. That’s when he’s most gentle; when he’s vulnerable.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Shockingly, Rafael is a big hugger! Since he’s too afraid to cuddle too quickly, he makes it up with hugs. He wraps his arms around your shoulders, tugging you against his chest, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. His solid body is comforting, especially with that citrusy cologne he wears.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes Rafael a long, long, long time for him to admit he loves you, even to himself. You can say it, and he’ll get choked up, hugging you close and kissing your cheek. He mutters something, and you assure him that he doesn’t have to say it back if he doesn’t want to; you understand. But he shows you that he loves you in every little thing he does. He may also write it down on a sticky note—left on the mirror when he goes in early—before he says it out loud.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Rafael gets very jealous, but it quickly changes to insecurity. What do they have that he doesn’t? Then he’ll start listing his faults in his mind, and it makes him even more sad. If he gets you back before the insecurity happens—while he’s still jealous—then he’s pushing you against the wall and reminding you who you belong to. If you come back to him when his insecurity is running wild, then you need to remind him that you love him, and only him.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Rafael’s kisses are soft, tender, and somewhat desperate…as if you’re going to pull away from him at any moment. (I wrote a HC about his kisses here). He likes to kiss your forehead; he feels it’s more intimate. But also your spine; he loves the feeling of you moving against his mouth. He loves when you kiss his tum—he’s a little insecure about that section of his body, so when you kiss him there? He melts.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Babies…not great. Rafael has no paternal instincts at all and he doesn’t know how to interact with them. But once they start talking, and understanding what he’s saying, he’s better. He’s the type of guy that talks to children as if they’re people, treating them with respect. And he loves to teach them things (especially things that will shock adults).

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Usually, you don’t spend mornings together. Rafael is a “sleep as much as possible, shower, work” person. He’ll kiss your shoulder before rolling out of bed, and he’ll have coffee ready for you for when you get up. Though, if it’s a day off, then Rafael stays in bed with you, cuddling, kissing, and whispering sweet words.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

You both take nights to catch up with each other’s days. One (or both) of you will massage the other’s neck, since that’s where all the stress builds up. And then it’s cuddles o’clock, both of you wrapped around each other as you eat dinner and relax.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Rafael holds his cards close to the chest. But, by doing that, you start to learn about him indirectly. You notice that he only ever talks about his mother, and never mentions his father. You notice that he’ll apologize for something that wasn’t his fault. You notice that he tries a little too hard. You never mention these things to him, but you tuck it away, and are patient with him.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Rafael is easily annoyed but not easily angered. He’s very much a logic > emotions person, and will try and tackle any argument head on, using logic and facts. The things that get him angry, though, are usually work related. He may snap at you after a particularly rough day, but you know he doesn’t mean it.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Contrary to popular belief, Rafael’s mind is a steel trap (in Twenty-Five Acts, the belt thing was mentioned once in passing, and Rafael quickly moved on to something else without even acknowledging it). His downfall is remembering what day it is. He may know your birthday is June 3rd, but when he looks at the calendar and sees it’s June 2nd, he panics and calls in favors to make sure he has a reservation at a fancy restaurant.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

When he took you to a Broadway show. He had his arm wrapped around you, holding you to his chest as you watched—a show he’d seen a thousand times, but loved. But, when he heard you quietly singing to yourself, his heart melted. He had no idea you knew the songs, and afterwards, you both walked down the street, singing the songs together. Rafael only ever sang to his mami and abuelita…and now you.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Rafael goes above and beyond for dates and anniversaries. They’re few and far in between, and it’s to make up for ignoring you during the work week (not that you see it as him ignoring you; he’s just busy. But he thinks the worst). Every day tasks aren’t super over-the-top like dates, but he enjoys your company; you calm him after the stress of his work.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Rafael’s list of importance goes; 1) work, 2) family, 3) you. He’ll always choose work over you (unless you’re in the hospital or something, but then he uses work to get the bastard who put you there). And he’ll always choose his mami over you, as well. This has never been a problem (except for maybe some missed date nights), but the quicker you can accept that, the better.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Rafael is a fashionista at heart. This poor boy growing up in the Bronx, and now shining as a Harvard grad, has an appearance to maintain. He never felt like he “belonged” with the elites he often sees at parties and galas, but the longer he can fool them, the better.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

At first, he doesn’t need you. He’s too afraid to give you so much of himself, and he’s afraid to let you in. But once you make your way into his heart, he finds himself depending on you more and more, whether as just someone whose arms he can collapse into, or someone who will listen to him rant.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

One of Rafael’s favorite things is at night, when you’re in the kitchen (whether doing dishes or getting a drink), he’ll wrap his arms around your waist. He rests his chin on your shoulder, then sways with you. He kisses your neck and chin, making you giggle and melt further back into him. He’ll keep it up until you stop what you’re doing and turn in his arms, giving him a kiss and dancing with him.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Rafael doesn’t like clingy. He wants someone independent, as he is. He works a lot, and won’t always be there, so he wants someone who has their own life outside of him. He also doesn’t like messy people—he’s a bit of a neat freak, and he’s not going to be cleaning up after you.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Many nights, Rafael will work until he’s exhausted. He’ll go through his nightly routine before murmuring a “goodnight” and collapsing onto the bed. Though, nights like those, if you lay down close enough to him, he’ll eventually find you in his sleep and wrap around you.

[ronniesshoes]

          To    feel    anything deranges you. To be seen feeling anything strips you naked.

brianna hates apologising.

it takes her three days then before she stands outside the bookstore again, and when she finally does, she doesn't go inside. instead, she finds a bench in the sun to watch people come and go. the bell above the door rings merrily.

she's got an orange in her tote in lieu of breakfast, and she rolls it between her palms, the sun warm on her face. she thinks about the flowers she dug out of the bin, how the splash of colour in the corner of her eye startles her every time. even beginning to fade they liven up her tired old kitchen considerably.

brianna peels the orange, carefully, methodically, removing the skin, breathing in its citrus scent. it's a meditation, almost, peeling an orange, and she doesn't think about regina's mouth or the thrum of a pulse under the thin skin of her wrist, doesn't think about the voice she can't recreate fully in her mind.

the orange is not fully ripe, exactly as brianna likes it, and the characteristic tang explodes on her tongue as she bites into it. she wonders what regina is doing and she sits in the sun and she eats slice after slice of orange until all that is left are the peels collected in the skirt of her dress.

when brianna walks home, she buys flowers on the way.

/

days later, brianna collects her laptop and her readings and incarnadine and walks to the bookstore, a light drizzle settling in her hair and cooling her face. 

regina is at the counter. for a moment, brianna was afraid she wouldn’t be.

she works her mouth into a smile. regina does not,

“why are you here?”

and brianna supresses a shiver, pushes, “coffee?”

the look regina sends her heats brianna’s face, makes her leave, almost, but brianna knows the look of the unwanted, knows how it fits her own features, so intimately that she can pretend not to be. she’s nothing if not stubborn and she pushes two coins across the counter and stalks back to her usual table. the rumble of the coffee machine sounds behind her.

/

brianna is eating sunflower seeds, thinking about reading—

She read books as one would breathe air, to fill up and live. She read books as one would breathe ether, to sink in and die.

—thinking about the birds she used to feed in winter, the potted plants her mother brought her that she still remembers to water sometimes, thinking about the girl in the bookstore, regina, reg, is certain she shouldn’t be thinking about her at all. 

the plants are alive and she pretends not to notice every time her mother pokes and waters and blatantly switches them with fresh ones when she visits and brianna

pushes herself up from the couch, she’s looking for the raw unsalted seeds she feeds the winter birds, she’s relieving the soil in her favourite flower pot of a dying plant, pushing seeds in with her middle finger,

water, sunlight, patience,

she does not visit the bookstore anymore, sits in the sunlight and looks at the dark uncompromising soil dirtying the edges of her pretty blue flower pot.

when brianna wakes up one morning to two baby leaves soaking up the sun, she hides her face in her hands.

/

water, sunlight, patience—

growing sunflowers takes time and eight days in, brianna is tired of waiting. the leaves are tiny and green and do not appear to be growing between one study break and the next, and so she picks up the flowerpot and leaves her readings behind.

10 minutes later, a pile of books is on the counter and regina’s twirling strands of fringe between her thumb and forefinger and not looking up, and brianna feels a little sick as she stands outside looking through the shop window, the sun prickling the back of her neck, soon-to-be sunflower cradled against her chest.

there are no words of prose or poetry she thinks will help now, no words but her own—ugly, unoriginal, insufficient, insignificant.

brianna pushes the door open, regina’s looking up, she puts the flowerpot on the counter, pushes it towards her,

“i’ve never grown sunflowers before,” she says, looking at the baby plant and not regina’s eyes, “i didn’t know it would take this long,”

regina is frowning, sliding her hands up the smooth, glazed sides of the pot, “growing flowers?”

there’s a tan line on regina’s wrist from where her bracelet has slid down, the cluster of violets further up, and brianna tears her eyes away, looks at regina, palms pressing against the counter, breathing in, forcing herself to be brave—

“saying sorry.”

The light’s escaping the sky, and there’s this place I like to stand, it’s before the rise, so I’m invisible.

[inactive-shroomiehomie]

SFW Alphabet - Sonny Carisi

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Sonny loves holding you anyway he can. He’s a big physical affection type of guy! Sitting casually in his lap on the couch, Sonny towering behind you with his arms hugging your shoulders from behind. He doesn’t like smooching or being too cuddly in public, but he just can’t stay away from you !

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

It doesn’t matter how long he’s known you, Dominick is a loyal friend. If he goes against you in anyway, he has a pretty damn good reason or it’s for your own good. If you’re in a bad mood, Sonny would come over and cook for you and you two would goof around until he had to go back home or until he passed out on your couch.

You are both night-time law students and you get to arguing over some study case you were both given for an assignment- and you out smart him. He starts laughing in disbelief and offers to buy you a coffee. Then you two are hanging out at the bar after classes, throwing darts and throwing back drinks. 

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

As previously stated, Carisi is a big ol’ snuggler. He’s also a personal heater when it comes to sleeping at night and it can be a blessing on those chilly New York nights.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Sonny + Cooking = ♥

Sonny + Cleaning= :/ (He’s a bit of a germaphobe, but he doesn’t know how to pick up after him self more than he should.)

You’ve talked about it before, and while you both agree bringing children into the world when their Dad would have to see and hear the things he does at work on a daily basis would be horrible, having a kid or two wouldn’t be horrible. Plus, Dominick is so great with children, especially babies. From his own nieces to Rollins’ two girls; He can quiet a screaming child in seconds and it mesmerizes you each time.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Face to Face. If you were committed enough to be in the relationship for however long, you should have the guts to end whatever it is to the other persons’ face.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Sonny would feel horrible anxiety about proposing to you. He definitely wants to be with you until you’re both worm food, but he’s been on the job long enough to see what happens to marriages when someone works this kind of job. But you’re in it for the long haul, and he just has to accept that.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

The human embodiment of a golden retriever is the perfect way to describe Sonny. Loyal, sweet, patient. But if you betray their trust it’s suuuuper hard to get it back.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

When Carisi hugs you, it’s like being bundled up tight for winter, but not suffocating. His chest is firm and comfortable and no matter the hug type, he always draws circles on your lower back, just to make you smile.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

You were actually the first to say it. It was an over-excited slip, but you still meant it 100%. And unbeknownst to know, Carisi wanted to say it week two of knowing you.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He’s not a jealous of possessive man. The most jealous he’s behaved is whenever he’s in a clingy mood and you’re at work or hanging out with Rollins and Olivia without him. But he’s still very protective of you and watches your back.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Carisi loves to kiss the top of your head or the back of your neck. Nothing weird, just a quick peck. The back-of-your-neck kisses would sometimes release a giggle from you and it would end up with him pinning you down and tickling you ‘til you cried.~

But you love to kiss his cheeks and hands. It’s hard to describe, but wanting to kiss him on the cheek as the same mental effect as a crow wanting to bring a bright, shiny thing back to the nest for it’s mate.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Again, Carisi is an amazing person with children. He’ll make an amazing father one day.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He’s a morning bird. Always up before you with coffee or sometimes food if he had time. But he always made sure- unless it was urgent business- he would wake you up with a sweet his on the cheek or gently rocking you until you came too.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Unless it’s a day off, you rarely get to see him. (ADA or Detective) But on the nights where he gets home early, you both talk about your days and how they went. Dinner, snuggling on the couch, and sometimes you’ll even show him some of your personal projects you’ve been working on. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Along side being the prefect cook and great  with kids, he’s a chatter box. He doesn’t just blurt out things weird like, “I used to spank it to Opera 24/7.” On the first day or anything. Just threw things into casual conversation or when you asked. But if anyone said something about a good home cooked meal, he wouldn’t shut up about the 5 different foods his mama used to make for hi.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He works for a sex crimes division. You have to do something pretty horrible to beat that. You’ve had your fair share of fights though. Between his Italian blood and whatever you were arguing about, he could be stuck on an argument for longer than you would be.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Maybe golden retriever wasn’t an accurate description of what he was. More so like.... a wiener-dog-chihuahua mix. Dorky, but brain still smart and ticking. R  Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Yet somehow, he can’t find his damn phone charger.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Sonny knows you can take care of yourself, but being a part of the NYPD, he'a naturally protective. If you need help getting away from a guy Carisi is on you in seconds, flashing his gun and badge.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Carisi spoils you. He's usually the one to cook when you two have time for dinner and there's never not homemade sweets in the house.

But on your anniversaries, Carisi would make you breakfast in bed and the two of you would make sure to take off from work for the day. Lounging and enjoying one another's company until Carisi would send you to the grocery to get dinner supplies and he can have time to decorate the apartment.

Your favorite scented candles, light pink rose petals, soft music. All the beautiful cliche shit that's just so cheesy and sweet enough to make your heart melt.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Your schedules tend to not overlap. So when he gets home or gets ready for work, he will sometimes leave his dirty laundry around the house and his filthy dishes in his sink.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

His hair, yes. Otherwise, Sonny couldn't give two shits what he looked like. And you coupdn't either.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

"Before you I felt like used tea bag. Already fulfilled my purpose with nothing else left. Then you came around and gave me new purpose. Instead of tea, you made me into a bath bomb. Or a soap scrub."

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Not being able to see him in person for a few days at time or before 11:30pm should be something his partner should be able to deal with. And being able to appreciate his friends and family like he does.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Carisi REFUSES to admit, but the backs of his knees are super ticklish. Sometimes when you're cuddling, you "accidentally" brush your feet up against the back of his knee and he practically falls off of the couch spasming. It's the cutest thing.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Carisi would definitely be a sleep talker. He'd also be the person that if you tried to get up without him, he would hold onto you tighter in his sleep. You think he may be awake sometimes when he does that, but Sonny neither denies or admits that to being true.

[utterlyinevitable]

NSFW alphabet for ethan x mc??

I’m assuming you’re referring to the nsfw alphabet otp asks? 

If so, Ethan x Odette are below the cut!

Aftercare: What they’re like after sex Odette likes to lay around and cuddle for no longer than five minutes. After which she’ll hop up, trying not to make a bigger mess, and pad to the bathroom to pee and shower.  Ethan definitely likes to relish in their closeness no matter who’s on top. As their relationship progresses and Odette relaxes a bit more, he actually likes to clean her up afterwards. He’ll kiss her forehead before he leaves her laying there to grab a wet cloth and wipe them both up gently, all the while looking down at her with glittering eyes and a private smile. 

Body part: Their favorite body part of theirs and of their partner’s   Odette loves her long, naturally straight hair and her tiny ears. She loves Ethan’s dimple and a beauty mark he has on his left ring finger.  He doesn’t have a favorite part of his body. It’s a body. It functions. But if he had to choose it may as well be his toned calves. Ethan really loves her boobs, but his absolute favorite part of her is the glow of her emerald eyes of her brightest smile.

Cum: Use your imagination for this one aha (what are they like when they finish, how do they feel about their partner’s cum/face, etc) Ethan’s face changes each time with the varying degree of his orgasm - if it’s a deep and good one his entire face scrunches together and he breathlessly curses. The one constant in every orgasm is the way his nose scrunches and jaw slacks into the sexiest “0″ face. His deep, ragged breaths so erotic.  Odette tries to hide her face - she hates how ugly it looks to the point that in the early stages she’d really try to keep herself from coming. But Ethan’s a giver and all it took was his loving gaze and a soft “i want to see you” as he tugged her arm off her face for her to not give a shit. The sex is fucking fantastic.  Ethan thinks she’s absolutely breathtaking, and Odette adores how young he looks. They both appreciate the others vulnerability.  

Dirty Secret: Do they have any secrets that would come to light during sex (not kinks) Ummm... Odette has a weird relationship with intimacy. She’s not about it, not really. She’s got to be in the right mood for sex or any sort of touching. She gets better as the relationship progresses, which is why she doesn’t sleep with someone until she’s sure they’re going to be around long-term. Usually, with her last few partners, her rule has been 6 months dating before sex. She made an exception for the rule with Ethan (just shy of 5 month mark).   For Ethan it would just be that he hasn’t been intimate with anyone in about two years by the time the two get together. 

Experience: How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing? Odette knows her way around a body. She’s only had two sexual partners besides Ethan, but the girl knows where everything goes and really can a girl really be bad at sex?  Ethan has ten years more experience than Ode and a total of 11 sexual partners. He’s a giver and has gotten very good at perfecting his tongue technique. He knows he’s relatively easy when it comes to finishing so it’s always about his partner.  

Favorite Position (Bonus horny points for including a visual) Too lazy to get a visual. Ode likes to be fucked against a wall, and Ethan prefers to have her on top. 

Goofy: Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc They take turns depending on who’s initiating and where they are lol but Ethan is usually the goof.  Ode likes to tease Ethan and throw little remarks his way for foreplay. Ethan is mostly more sultry and praising in the moment. He jokes back with her, matching her banter like always. 

Hair: How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc. Odette is completely hairless. She’s had all her hair lasered off, except for a patch of her bush where she likes to keep the option open. She bleaches her hair so her pubic hair is a dark blonde.  Ethan scapes pretty well. He’s never had any complaints. 

Intimacy: How are they during the moment, romantic aspect… Odette likes romance. She actually needs it to get anything out of the act. She’s not one to be able to separate sex and her feelings. She needs mental stimulation to help get her off whether it be dimmed lights and closed eyes or Ethan talking dirty. When she’s really trying to catch an orgasm that seems like it’ll never come her way she tends to be a bit removed from the moment than Ethan would like.   Ethan is very much present and very tuned into her needs. It is all and always about her. Sometimes he’s much to selfless in the bedroom for her liking. Like, when she knows she’s not gonna cum that session he doesn’t really accept that and keeps drawling it out. And then she’s gotta pull out a secret weapon to finish him off and not hurt his feelings. These two never lack intimacy - they both make sure it’s always present. Their favorite positions are the ones where they’re facing and can look and leave lingering kisses on the other’s face. Very disgustingly cute.

Jack Off: Masturbation headcanons perhaps Ode has a bullet Jackie got her ask a gag gift one Secret Snowflake. She’s only used it a handful of times while she was reading something erotic.  Ethan doesn’t see the need to masturbate. Nothing could ever compare to the real thing, so why bother. Though when he did it was usually in the shower.

Kink: Does the character have a kink or a few? Ode likes roleplay and edging, being dominated and even a little bit of bondage. Once she’s comfortable enough (a year into their relationship or so) their sex gets really really fun.  Ethan’s a boob man. And we know he’s an exhibitionist. He likes his balls fondled and maybe a finger up the butt if he’s drunk enough 😉

Location: Favorite places to get down and dirty She prefers to keep their business in the comfort of their own home.  Ethan would like to convince her to try it in the office or their car, the sun lounger of their forever home. But he’s okay with taking things however slow she needs. Ode did let him feel up her skirt on a long Amtrak once and it’s the highlight of his year. 

Motivation: What turns them on, gets them going etc Ode needs the romantic aspect of it all. She needs the validation and assertion of their relationship to be that vulnerable with someone.  Bickering turns them both on immensely. Both Ethan and Ode are wildly attracted to the other’s mind so any sort of stimulating conversation or argument would get them both hot and bothered.

NO: Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs Neither would do anything degrading. Ethan’s a lil freak and willing to try most things once.  Her biggest turn off is smell. There’s a difference between sultry musk and man stank. Lucky for her Ethan’s very good at cleaning himself.  

Oral: Preferences in giving or receiving, skill, etc She prefers to receive. Laying there and doing nothing but running her fingers through his hair is her bread and butter, sometimes even the dessert too. As for skill level she’s average. She’s very picky about circumstances and therefore lacks lots of practice. Though she does a very wonderful thing of rolling her wrist while she’s sucking him and swirling her tongue around his tip that throws him over the edge. She keeps that little skill in her pocket and only breaks it out absolutely necessary. Ethan’s a giver. Always has been. That’s it. That’s the explanation 😂

Pace: Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc. They’re slow 90% of the time. Always savoring the moment. These two don’t have sex frequently, possibly 3x a month so it’s always a special lengthy time.  The only time it’s fast and rough is if the moment calls for it and they have an understanding. 

Quickie: Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc. Ode finds quickies difficult. Deep in the relationship she’s more inclined because the relationship and feels are so strong and stable she’s able to get more out of it.  Ethan’s on the same wavelength. He’s not opposed to a quickie. Though he says he’s not a man of endless patience, he is for her. He’ll gladly spend hours making her feel good.

Risk: Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc. Yes, they’re okay with experimenting later in the relationship. Slow and steady they’ll make their way through all their fantasies. 

Stamina: How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last… Ethan goes for rounds. Two preferably at a minimum. A normal round lasts 40 minutes; foreplay galore!!!!!   Before they move in together deep relationship, Ode tends to feel gross after sex and needs to clean up and move on immediately. Ethan helps her work through this just by loving her. 

Toy: Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves? Ethan finds her bullet and they use it together sometimes. 

Unfair: How much they like to tease? They like to tease one another a lot. It’s a form of foreplay and declaration of love. 

Volume: How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc Ethan is a grunter. And a dirty talker when coaxed. He’s also perfected his voice - low, gruff baritone that oozes sex. He’s stupidly athletic so he doesn’t run out of breath easily which is an advantage for rough play and the inevitable rounds. His mouth is usually busy kissing, sucking, biting, licking to really make any other noise than grunts or moans. He is partial to a gasp and groan when she is driving the affair and he’s utterly powerless against them 😏 Ode whines. and gasps. and tries not to make a sound because she doesn’t want to ruin the little bubble they created. if she ruins it odds are she won’t be able to finish. 

Wild Card: How wild are they in the moment?  Kinda touched upon above, they’re really gentle and sensual with one another. These two are figuring things out and treat one another like the most precious thing on the planet. 

X-Ray: Describe what’s going on in their pants through pictures or words Ethan is well-endowed and scaped. Ode is generally bald. 

Yearning:  How high is their sex drive? For an old man, Ethan’s got stamina. If it was biologically possible he would always be inside her, right where he belongs. Sometimes round two is just him going down on them.  Ode needs some convincing. They both know when she’s ovulating because she’s much more forward than normal. 

ZZZ: How quickly they fall asleep afterwards Once she’s showered and fresh, Ode climbs into bed and reads whilst snuggled up to Ethan’s side.  Ethan is always on clean up duty. It’s very rare that he’ll be too tired to roll out of bed after a session. Normally, if they had late-night sex, he’ll fall asleep 15-20 minutes later.

[rheawritessometimes]

Albedo SFW Alphabet

{ Albedo x GN!Reader }

{ Summary } The entire SFW alphabet for Albedo.

{ Warnings } Physical Affection

{ Notes } I saw a post asking for the alphabets for Albedo and decided to write for it. I didn't get to the NSFW alphabet. This was a while ago and I couldn't find the post. Masterlist

{ Word Count } 1,303

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Albedo can be affectionate, but he’s not usually the one to initiate affection. As long as it doesn’t get in the way of his work, he’ll accept any affection that you give him. But one thing he always does is kiss you on the forehead before going off to work.

B = Beauty (What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?)

The mind of his s/o is what Albedo cares about the most. He’d like a partner who he could bounce ideas off of, not even necessarily ideas relating directly to alchemy. If they have an inquisitive nature, even better.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

As long as he’s not busy, Albedo doesn’t mind cuddling. Lay on him while he’s reading and he’ll start gently stroking your hair.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Albedo is definitely the type to settle down with someone, he’s not looking for a relationship if it’s not going to be long-term. He likes to keep everything tidy and he cleans quite regularly. Albedo doesn’t let things really pile up and become a mess, he does the dishes right after eating, dirty clothes go in the laundry basket instead of the floor, etc. As for cooking, Albedo can keep himself alive with his cooking. It’s not the best, but it’s very edible! He doesn’t cook anything very complicated, though.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Albedo wouldn’t end things screaming and yelling, he would just say things aren’t working out, whether it be falling out of love or your lives simply going in different directions.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Albedo won’t enter a relationship if he doesn’t think it could last long term. He probably doesn’t care much about marriage, he could stay with someone his whole life and never marry, but love them just the same. But he’s not opposed to marriage, if you want to get married. It would probably take him a few years with a person to be certain that things would work out well enough to get married.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Albedo is a gentle soul, he’d never want to harm his partner. He’s very honest but tries to be kind in the way he words things if he thinks it could hurt you.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Albedo doesn’t mind hugs, they can be very comforting. He’s not often one to initiate them, but as long as he’s not doing anything he doesn’t refuse them. Even though he rarely initiates hugs, he holds his partner tighter than one would expect and sometimes he doesn’t want to let go.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Probably before the relationship even starts. Albedo would most likely wait until he’s certain he’s in love with someone and a confession from him could be him casually saying, “I’m in love with you.”

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Albedo has trust in his partner but, on occasion, he can get a bit jealous. For some reason, it irritates him the most if Kaeya flirts with his partner. But all he does is glare at the offending party.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Soft, slow, and sweet. Albedo wants to take the time to feel and cherish the moment. Albedo gives lots of forehead kisses, but he’s also fond of brushing a kiss against his partner’s knuckles. Give him a casual kiss on the cheek and watch him turn a little pink, and of course, everyone knows Albedo’s absolute favorite place to be kissed is the little star on his throat.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

If Albedo can handle Klee, he can handle any child. A very good babysitter who is especially good at keeping kids safe.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Albedo usually wakes up early. If his partner isn’t an early riser then he might be gone before they’re awake. He still kisses your forehead before he leaves. If you wake up with him, then he’d like to have breakfast with you. Breakfast for Albedo usually consists of two pieces of toast and orange juice, he does have to be at work at a certain time. On days Albedo doesn’t have to work, he sleeps in. He’s so reluctant to get out of bed and these are the times he just wants to cuddle with you.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Albedo is in the habit of eating dinner quite late, so if his partner doesn’t mind eating late they might find themself eating or making dinner with him. He’ll often spend the time before bed sketching or reading, he likes to be productive most of the time. He’s in the habit of going to bed late, so he’ll tell you to go to bed without him. But if you refuse he might be willing to go to bed with you. Refuse to sleep without him so he comes to bed early and gets a healthy amount of sleep at night.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Albedo isn’t secretive, but he tends to reveal things slowly. It’s mostly just a matter of whether it comes up in conversation.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

A very patient man. Albedo tries not to let his emotions rule him and he’s very good at staying level-headed. Most likely, one would have to be intentionally trying to anger him to make him angry. He can get a little heated over serious lab safety violations.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

Albedo is excellent at retaining information, he may not remember everything but it would be pretty close.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Albedo’s most fond memory would probably be the confession. Whether it was from you or him. The moment he knew his feelings were reciprocated he was euphoric. Thinking about it makes his heart flutter.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Albedo isn’t particularly protective. Of course, he’ll step in if you’re in danger but he’s not the type to be with you at all times to be your bodyguard. If you’re afraid of bugs, he’ll protect you by capturing them and moving them outside. Albedo doesn’t really need any protection, but maybe sometimes you can protect him from himself by reminding him to sleep and not overwork himself.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Albedo cares a lot more than one might expect from him. A lot of people make the assumption that he wouldn’t care so much about anniversaries and little things in a relationship, assuming he doesn’t understand the point of them. In reality, Albedo is very thoughtful and makes a point of showing how much he cares. Every date he plans caters to his partner, he wants you to enjoy your time with him. In terms of gift-giving, he never wants to disappoint you. Especially for more special occasions, if he can’t find the perfect gift, he’ll invent it. In terms of the everyday effort he puts into the relationship, he does his best to make you feel loved. He worries his actions won’t be enough and I can imagine him keeping a checklist of affectionate gestures he should do daily early on in a relationship. 1. A good morning kiss. 2. Make breakfast. 3. Bring flowers home after work… It becomes easier and more natural as he gets used to giving you affection and gauging how much affection you want on a daily basis.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Albedo is very committed to his work, to the point where he may neglect his partner. Of course, he never means to but he doesn’t always realize just how much time he spends working.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Albedo isn’t terribly concerned with his looks, but he does like to dress nicely. Not bothered with the latest fashion trends or anything, usually just wants to look professional.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

No. Albedo is not dependent on a romantic partner, he does fine on his own. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate you, though.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Albedo will use alchemy very casually to help with everyday tasks. Some of the things he does are really impressive and he’s so nonchalant about it. Honestly doesn’t see how special he is.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Anyone who dislikes Klee is seen as an enemy. How could anyone not like Klee? Someone who dislikes Klee may not exist, but if they do they’re Public Enemy No. 1.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Not sleeping. Albedo stays up late into the night working on experiments, looking over notes, analyzing data, reading journals, etc. He runs on four hours of sleep most of the time.

[niksixx]

Patience

~Welcome to Part 1 of yet another Axl Rose mini series. Since this is merely fanfiction, there will obviously be inaccuracies and things I changed around just because I can hehe. I hope you enjoy! This particular piece was inspired by the GNR song, Patience~

Pairing: Axl Rose/Vince Neil x Female Reader 

A/N: R E B L O G AND C O M M E N T 

*Picture is not mine; Found on Google. Creds to the owner*

P.S. I have a strong feeling this fic is going to tug on your heart strings. 

Tag list: @littlemisscare-all @ginny-baker-sixx @metalheartofgold @madamsixx @curly-hudson

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As a little girl, you were drawn to the little boy who sat on the playground bench alone, head down, hair shielding his eyes, hiding from the world around him. Each day, he was there. Each day, he had fresh tears in his eyes. And each day, he silently prayed for a friend.

The little boy’s prayers were answered the day you skipped over to him, placing yourself in front of him, rocking back and forth on the balls and heels of your feet as your yellow tutu swayed with the soft breeze. You waited for the boy to look up at you and when he did, you smiled, wanting to comfort him.

“Hi there! I’m Y/N. What’s your name?”

His voice was soft, hesitant, like a scared mouse. “Axl.”

“Axl. That’s nice. I like it!” You exclaimed, taking a seat beside him on the bench. Little Axl slid over to give you room, keeping his eyes on the ground. What is she doing? He wondered.

“How old are you?”

“Eight,” Axl said gently, holding up four digits on one hand, four digits on the other. “How old are you?”

“I’m ten!” You answered proudly, swinging your legs. Axl still hadn’t looked up from the ground. “Can I ask you a question?”

Axl nodded, lifting his head just a bit to brush the hair from his eyes. His eyelashes were long and thick, and tiny red freckles dotted the bridge of his nose, down his plump cheeks. “If you want.”

“How come you’re all alone?”

His eyes flickered to the three older boys on the swingset, two blond twins and a brunette friend. They were known for bullying other children off the playground. All Axl wanted to do was play with them. Be friends with them. Why did they have to be so mean? “Those boys,” he points in their direction with a shaky finger, “They were teasing me. I just wanted to be their friend.”

You followed his finger, frowning as the three boys laughed obnoxiously. You recognized them. They looked around your age. “What were they teasing you about?”

Axl shrugged, picking at his fingernails. Why were you so curious? He wasn’t used to anyone caring about him. “They made fun of my hair, my clothes, my teeth. They said I was ugly and that no one would want to be friends with me. And then they pushed me. That’s how I scraped my elbow,” He says, showing off his battle wound proudly. He hadn’t even cried today when they shoved him down.

Standing up, you placed your little hands on your hips, eyebrows scrunched together. Again, you waited for him to look at you. It took him a while, but when he finally looked up at you, with sadness swirling in his eyes, you pulled him off the bench and in the direction of the three boys.

“What are you doing?!” He asked quietly, but harshly. “Y/N!”

You ignored him, focusing on the boys. They needed to be taught a lesson, seeing as their parents had never taught them how to play nice with other children. It was a good thing your parents encouraged you to hit back if a boy ever started the fight. What did your parents call it again? Self defense?

As you approached, they snickered and stood from their respective swings, forming a line, a barrier, to the swingset. Without a second thought, you pushed the one you assumed to be the ringleader.

“Hey! What was that for?” He asked, shooting you a dirty look. His friends helped him to his feet, brushing dirt from the back of his knees. “That wasn't very nice of you.”

“Then why did you do it to my friend?” You challenged, motioning to Axl beside you. As the three boys looked his way, he stepped closer to you, cowering. “I heard you were teasing him. Teasing isn’t nice. So leave him alone!”

“What are you going to do about it?” The second boy asked. As you stepped toward him, he backed up, eyes wide. He held up his hands. “Okay, okay. Fine.”

“Now say you’re sorry,” you instructed, staring each one in the eye. Wrapping an arm around Axl’s shoulders, he relaxed under your touch. He was glad to have you there. Somehow, in a fluffy yellow tutu, a bright pink shirt, and puke green shoes, you intimated the three boys. And you’d come to his defense like a true friend would.

The boys gave each other a look before mumbling an apology. Not wanting to start more drama, they slinked off to the other side of the playground, leaving the swingset empty.

Turning to Axl, your heart softened at the formation of a smile on his face. His body wasn’t so tense anymore. “Want to swing with me?”

He nodded, and you sat next to each other on the swingset, swinging gently and laughing at all the random, silly things little kids laugh at.

“Thank you,” Axl whispered. He was still a bit shy around you, but he managed to look you in the eye once more. “For being my friend.”

You reached out to grab his clammy hand in your own, squeezing it tightly as if you were afraid he’d let go. “We’re going to be friends forever. I won’t let anyone be mean to you. Okay?”

“Promise?” Axl asked, searching for reassurance.

You nodded. “I promise.”

~~~

You had kept the promise for a while. Throughout your teenage years, you acted as Axl’s protector, his guardian angel, the keeper of his childhood troubles and darkest secrets. In school, everyone knew. No one dared to mess with him while you were around. And if they did, you had no problem putting them in their place. You’d done it many times before.

Slowly, Axl’s shell disappeared. He started to talk a bit more, about the abuse he’d suffered at the hand of his stepfather. He found friends of his own, and began to smile more often, which was a sight that melted your heart. He’d answer questions in class and even joined the choir, a place where he truly felt like he belonged. Being in the choir drove him to carry around a tiny blue book, where he’d write down his inner thoughts that he would later go on to develop as lyrics for songs performed by his band, Guns N’ Roses, with his four best friends, Izzy, Duff, Steven, and Slash. Thanks to you, there was a light in his usually dull gray eyes.

And, thanks to you, Axl began to feel things he'd never felt before. At sixteen years old, he started paying more attention to your feelings, whether you were happy, sad, angry, joyful. He would always find excuses to look at you, be around you, put a smile on your face. You infiltrated his thoughts, sometimes in more than a friendly way, and his heart would race whenever you were near him. To make sense of his thoughts, his feelings, he’d write them in his book. The moment Axl realized he was foolishly in love with you was when he found himself writing songs about you.

But he’d never shown you any of the songs, afraid of what you might think of him when you understood the songs were for you. By the time Axl turned eighteen, your friendship began to dwindle. You were twenty years old with no set plans for the future. A wandering soul. A free-spirit. Traveling the world was the only thing on your mind. Axl accompanied you to the airport the morning you planned to leave your old town behind, savoring the feeling of your body wrapped in his arms, before sending you off to start your journey in Los Angeles, California. LA was supposed to be the start of your adventure, but you quickly fell in love with the city, and never stepped foot anywhere else.

And the minute you left is when the bullying started back up again. Only this time though, Axl let the words roll off his shoulders. He adopted a new wardrobe filled with leather jackets, leather pants, hats, and bandanas, hoping his new appearance would keep others away and make them nervous to be around him. When that didn’t work, Axl eventually began to fight back. There was no one to protect him anymore. He had to stand up and do it for himself.

In his early twenties, Axl found himself living in West Hollywood, making friends with the wrong crowd, dropping hundreds of dollars on tattoos every two weeks, and trying his best to avoid jail time. He became somewhat of a rebel, a delinquent, like the biological father he barely remembered, snorting cocaine, not loving it, and then sticking with cigarettes. Instead of shying away from trouble, Axl went looking for it.

The formation of Guns N’ Roses changed everything, kept him grounded. While his time had been spent causing trouble and fighting officers, it was now taken over completely by managing a rock band. He still smoked every now and again, but he’d completely quit the hard drugs and bitter alcohol. Playing gigs, writing lyrics, and touring the world with his bandmates was all he needed. It gave him a purpose. It made him happy.

But, like every rockstar does, Axl made a few enemies on his climb to fame. He’d been in a few bar fights with none other than Skid Row’s lead bass guitarist, Rachel Bolan. Words were exchanged with Stephen Pearcy of Ratt, and he and Poison singer Bret Michaels did not get along. At all.

Now, in his mid twenties, Axl was able to let go of the grudges he’d held. Well, almost all of them. In the music world, it was normal for lead singers of different bands to have bad blood, which is exactly what Axl Rose had with Vince Neil, lead singer, or screecher, as Axl called him, of Mötley Crüe.

Axl couldn’t stand the guy, and for good reasons. Vince was stuck up, conceited, a hotshot. He was always drunk it seemed, unable to hold his liquor. Plus, his vocals weren't even that great. He had no business being as arrogant as he was.

Although Axl and Vince had never been in a physical altercation, (yet) the hatred was mutual between the two singers. The media were constantly pitting them against each other, and instead of fighting it together, they bashed and bad-mouthed each other.

What Axl and the rest of the world wasn’t aware of was your romantic relationship with Vince. Your relationship was purposely kept hidden away from the media, away from the fans. Vince never mentioned you in interviews, nor would he have you on his arm at award ceremonies. And for a while, you understood. The label needed Vince to keep up the bad boy, bachelor image. They were convinced it would generate more attention for the band as a whole. But there were days that you wished Vince would come out to the world and show you off like you, and Mick Mars, his bandmate, believed you deserved.

Of course, Axl didn’t know anything about your current life, your struggles, but that didn’t mean he never tried. He searched everywhere for you, from West Hollywood to Malibu and even Beverly Hills, but after almost a year of searching, he’d finally given up. You’d been away from him for too long. Did you have a job? A family? Where were you living? The last time he had spoken to you was more than seven years ago when he watched you board the plane headed for LA.

Though it’s been years since he’s seen you, his feelings never dissolved. If you were indeed off the market in a happy, loving relationship, then no, Axl wouldn’t dare try and sabotage your relationship, but he had to find a way to show you how much he loved you. What he needed was just a little bit of patience, and all of the pieces would fall into place.

[blog-for-merlin]

I Can Count His Goosebumps

Author's Note: You will quickly come to realise that I can't write endings for shit but apparently a writer is his own worst critic so, idk.

Lots of of fluff and if touch is your love language, you'll get it. That said, enjoy!!

♡♡♡

"This is a cave, Arthur!"

"Oh Merlin, so dramatic! Cave... inn... they're virtually the same thing," Arthur grins with that glint in his eye which manages to simultaneously worry and please Merlin at the same time. The king doesn't tend to grin like that very often these days. There isn't much to take pleasure in. Even Gwaine's mindless idiocies failed them to the point that the knight rarely did much else than his duties.

The satisfaction of having prompted a smile from the king quickly dissipates as Merlin remembers the issue at hand. He crosses his arms, "I'm not sleeping here," he scoffs.

"Stop being a whinge, Merlin. Look," Arthur waves in the general direction of the floor, "Firm ground to rest on," he gestures to the roof of the hollow, "And a shelter from the rain. What more could you want?"

As if coordinated, a fat droplet plummets from the ceiling onto the king's face. Merlin stifles his giggle—he's not going to let Arthur think he's been convinced. A shiver runs down the his spine and he huddles tighter into himself. The winters seem to be getting more and more unbearable as the years go by, "It's cold."

Arthur groans, too tired to tease his manservant any further. Patience seems to be rationed as of late. Not just for the king, but for everyone. The gloom of Morgana's death seems to sweep over the entire kingdom. The ugliness of who she transformed into doesn't easily erase who she once was, the darling of Camelot. Swiftly, Arthur whips off his cloak and throws it at Merlin, "There. Now will you please stop complaining and just get some rest? If we're to reach Ealdor by the evening, we have to leave at first light."

He unties his scabbard belt, setting it down and attempts to seek out a dry spot to sleep on the damp ground, finding only a small space against the back wall, hardly enough to fit two men. It's not like we haven't slept in worse, Arthur thinks, remembering an uncomfortable night involving a dead rabbit, a tight hanging net, limbs intertwined so closely it felt like they were extensions of each other. A secretly fond memory from times long past. What would he have done if there wasn't a rabbit wasn't trapped between them? If there was less distance, if their faces were mere millimetres apart, if they'd felt each other's breath on their faces. What would he have done then?

Merlin's voice startles him from the rather inappropriate wanderings of his mind, "You know Arthur, you still haven't given me back that cloak I gave you,"

The king pivots to face Merlin who is wrapped adorably in his cloak, only some unkempt tufts of hair and twiggy feet poking out from the scarlet fabric, "What cloak?"

"My cloak. The blue one. The only blue cloak you have?" The king feigns confusion.

Merlin huffs and rolls his eyes, Arthur can be so childish at times, in an irritatingly endearing way that makes you forget that he's the head of an entire kingdom, "The one that you keep wearing to your hunts and getting dirty and then never returning because it needs to be washed?"

"Oh right, that one," Arthur smirks sheepishly, tugging at the back of his hair, "It's dirty,"

"Yes, I bet it is."

"Wait a minute, you know I'm the king here, right?" Arthur grabs his scabbard and throws it on the dry space in the back as Merlin follows him.

"That's what they tell me,"

"You can't talk back to me like that, Merlin. That's treason."

"If you were going to arrest me every time I committed 'treason', Arthur, I'd be long gone by now." Which was true enough, Arthur figures, as he takes Merlin's satchel from him and throws it next to his own while Merlin tries not to trip on the cloak or the slippery rock.

"Perhaps I should have, then," Arthur mutters, settling himself down next to the cave wall. Merlin pauses a moment as he realises that the tiny space next to Arthur is the only remaining hint of dryness left on the cavern floor, "Arthur!" he exclaims in dismay, "How on Earth am I going to fit here?"

"Oh shut up Merlin, you're scrawny,"

"I'm not that scrawny!"

"You're just going to have to make it work, then, aren't you?" Merlin's eyes are blazing now, and he's not amused.

"Arthur I didn't ask you to come to Ealdor with me, I could have come on my own; I've come to Ealdor a hundred times on my own already. If I were on my own, perhaps I wouldn't have to sleep in a cave in the middle of who-knows-where on the soaking ground," Arthur should be furious at his manservant's words by now, but Merlin's cheeks are turning pink to match the cocoon of cloak around them in a way that Arthur can't help being charmed by, and it doesn't sound like Merlin is slowing down at all to give him a chance to butt in, " In fact, I'd probably be there already, in dry clothes and with a full belly. So if you don't move your giant bum over right now, you prat, and give me the side of the wall, I'm leaving."

If the cold wasn't making Merlin breathless enough yet, that mouthful of a rant definitely did. Not managing to muster up any more than a tired chuckle and an "Okay, okay... calm down Merlin," Arthur shuffles himself away from the wall and lets Merlin pull himself over into his place.

Merlin gets grumpy when he's tired, and it had been a long day. This is enough to convince Arthur to let his manservant off, just this once. In reality, Arthur knows that 'just this once' has happened at least six times in the the past two months alone. Clearly, Merlin isn't as feeling as nonchalant about his sister's passing as he tries to let on. Sighing, Arthur removes his jacket, folding it into a pillow and wriggles down onto his side. He pushes himself as far away from the slimy moss as he can, digging his back into Merlin's. The unexpected contact, which is not unpleasant in the slightest, draws out a gasp from the king, which he hopes was drowned out by the sound of the pouring rain outside.

"Arthur, you're squishing me,"

"Oh would you stop complaining?" Arthur grunts. He spins himself around so that he's facing Merlin's back, draped in his own cloak. His breath hitches as he imagines Merlin huddled under the hills and valleys of red made by the fabric.

The sheerness of his shirt under it, so sheer and wet that it might as well not be there at all. He tries not to think about the paleness of his skin, and the goosebumps that must be all over it in this freezing cold. He lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding and with it, a shiver.

Merlin feels, no, senses, Arthur's head near him. He goes as still as a stone. They're so close. But not close enough. The distance is excruciating. He feels the king's shudder and realises his privilege––not so much a privilege, but a barrier. Darn cloak. "You're cold," he says, as bluntly as he can muster.

"What? No I'm–" Arthur is cut off by another shudder.

Arthur watches as his servant struggles to unwrap himself from the cloak. Should he refuse? He is the king, after all, perhaps he does want the cloak. But these thoughts are not what appear at the forefront of Arthur's brain. Skin. All he can see is skin. Skin everywhere. So close. So damn close. "Here, take it."

It does have goosebumps, his skin. A hell of a lot of them. And he's shuddering like a flag in the wind, "It's fine, Merlin. You need it more than me."

"You're the king. Gods forbid, I get arrested. Isn't that right, Your Highness?" Merlin throws the cloak to Arthur, who seems to be fixated on his back. His now almost bare back. He shifts himself, moving himself back, ever so slightly, closer to Arthur. Not close enough.

Gods, Arthur. Pull yourself together. It's Merlin we're talking about. The king clears his throat, "We'll share," he announces, as nonchalantly as possible and throws the cloak over the two of them, shifting closer still, his arm arching over Merlin's shuddering body, touching ever so slightly. He can count the goosebumps now. One, two, three four, five... if he moves his head just a tiny bit more...

Arthur's hair feels soft and inviting on Merlin's back, as if enticing him, and his breath––hot and cold at the same time. Not close enough. One small movement and it'll be his lips. Without thought, Merlin seizes the king's wrist where he's holding the cloak over them, bringing it into himself in an embrace. Or into a trap? He pushes himself back into Arthur, feeling both bodies yield to the touch. Merlin keeps Arthur's hand, strangely warm, clasped tightly in his own, pressed against his chest.

Skin. SO much skin. Arthur lets Merlin push his body into him. He lets his back press into his lips. At least that's what he tells himself. He's only avoiding resistance, not participating. You can't be participating if you don't have control. And Arthur has no control, none at all. Only his body does. Only his lips. Only his hands, his chest. And so he lets his arms wrap around Merlin's stomach pulling him in tighter, closer. He lets his lips wander all over his back, searching for the skin, skin, more skin under his shirt.

Merlin feels Arthur's lips running all over his back, as if they're searching for something lost, desperate to find it. And they do, as Arthur's mouth finds itself immersed in Merlin's shoulder. Merlin forced his lips to stay closed as to not make a noise, and a deep breath is all that he allows to escape. He dares not turn back, he can't face Arthur, not like this. He lets himself bask in the darkness of the night and the secrecy of the pounding rain outside the cave. He wonders what this means, all of it. This fire is his heart, what will it amount to?

Arthur lets his lips, and hands and body and the flame in his heart take control. He lets himself forget everything. Camelot, Morgana, everyone. For Him. For His skin. For His touch, he'll let himself forget the whole world.

And under warmth of that flimsy red cloak, in that small cave, on that rainy night, the two flames finally collided. And no one could have guessed how much damage it would cause.

♡♡♡

[voidstilesplease]

in another life

part two

Stiles assures Theo answers for all of their questions -god knows they have so many- tomorrow. Theo's reluctant at first, doesn't intend to let go of Stiles's words hanging in between them: "You think she's alive?" Eventually, Theo nods, finding something in Stiles's eyes and placing his trust in him. An odd feeling of protectiveness settles in Stiles's stomach at the vulnerability that Theo freely displays - in the past, he used to act guarded like everyone was out to get him. Granted, Theo had conned most of them before with charm and fake tears, and it's not above him to try it again if Theo could gain something worthy from it. But Stiles doesn't feel the usual tingle in his bones when he meets some shady criminal mastermind. His instincts have gotten him this far, so he gives it credit.

Stiles sighs. Innocent until proven guilty. He hopes Deaton has answers that expose the truth.

In the meantime, they have saddled him with more responsibility: bringing Theo home with him. Theo refuses to be stuck with either Liam or Mason any longer, it is unwise to put Theo alone with Melissa, and stupid to leave him unattended. So Stiles is the only viable choice. Plus, Theo thinks they're together. It only makes sense. Maybe.

It probably won't to his dad initially, but hey, after a while of normalcy, even he will acknowledge the need for something to go down - even dressed as Theo Raeken.

•••

They're in Stiles's Jeep, driving home to the Stilinski's, and it is a little disconcerting how Theo seems to be accustomed to his car. Theo had seen and been in the Jeep before, but this is different. He's too comfortable in the cramped space, even knows how to operate Stiles's defective radio. And the way he leans against the seat on the passenger's side and knows where to keep the screwdriver Stiles uses to manipulate the ignition is boggling his head worse than the snow outside.

Stiles draws in a breath, glancing sideways to his quiet company. "So, um, Deaton," he says, "we're going to Dr. Deaton tomorrow."

Theo turns to him, frowning. "What kind of doctor? Are you taking me to a shrink? Babe, I'm not crazy. What happened is freaky, but you have to believe me."

Okay, the babe thing, they're going to have to iron that wrinkle as soon as possible. Not even Lydia called him babe when they dated, and certainly not Malia. It's a cosmic joke that the once bane of his existence gets to call him that first. "No, he's not a shrink," Stiles promises him. "He's a veterinarian. But he knows about these things."

Theo arches a brow, "He knows about teleportation?"

"Telepor-" Stiles creases his forehead, jerking his head to Theo. The latter is expectant when he looks back. Stiles blinks, disbelieving and a little horrified. There's also a small bubble of hysteria beginning to form in his stomach. Somehow, this takes the cake in the weirdness of the situation. Because, of course, Theo also doesn't remember he's a chimera, does he? Blowing a heavy breath, he turns back to the road. He rubs the side of his temple, where it's starting to hurt, and purses his lips. "Yeah, sure. Teleportation."

Silence hangs in between them for a moment, Stiles sighing when he takes the last turn to his street. He can feel the burn of Theo's stare at the side of his face.

"You really don't remember we're together?" Theo sounds genuinely small when he speaks. "Then why are you here, if not to take me home? The two -Liam and Mason- are accusing me of having amnesia. But it's you who can't remember."

Stiles opens his mouth, but he doesn't know what to say. He knows that if he tells Theo that he remembers an illusory life, it's only going to invite more questions Stiles has no answers yet. In honesty, he's still reeling until now, and he's too tired to consider diving into research mode immediately, much less form a cohesive plan other than to bring Theo to Deaton first. And the best thing for them both to do before then is rest. They can't do that if Stiles stays up all night convincing Theo that they're not even friends, that he was a lying, conniving chimera asshole that tried to break his pack once, before turning a new leaf and helping them, and then disappearing on them like a bubble one day. Oh, and yeah, that it's so twisted for him to think his sister was alive when he had allowed her to die when he was nine.

No. Rest, Deaton, and then fuck up some shit - Stiles is doing this in that order.

"Hm," is what he ends up saying. Stiles pulls in the driveway, noting the blue truck already parked there. He's relieved to find a change of topic. He clears his throat, pointing at the vehicle. "That's your truck. Corey, Mason's boyfriend, drove it here."

Theo doesn't look away from him for the entire minute it takes Stiles to turn the engine off and gather his belongings. When he looks at Theo, that's only when the other man lowers his head and breathes. Theo nods and gets out of the car, moving towards the truck. Stiles silently prays for more strength if this is how awkward it is going to be for the whole evening until the morning.

Theo is studying his blue truck, eyeing it with trepidation. Stiles slings his messenger bag and stands beside him. Theo turns to him, shaking his head. "This isn't my car."

Stiles moves to the bed of Theo's pickup. "It is," he tells Theo. 

Stiles is, unfortunately, familiar enough with this car, and not with pleasant memories. Stiles lifts the haphazardly strewn cloth covering most of the space of the truck bed and makes a noise of disgust with what he finds underneath. It was definitely tidier before.

Theo also peeks under the cloth and pulls his face in a similar reaction. An alarming amount of empty plastic noodle cups and take-out boxes litter the covered area. "It can't be mine because I'm not crazy for instant ramen."

Stiles drops the cloth and walks to the driver's seat. He cups his hands on either side of his eyes and looks inside through the window. He finds a folded blanket at the backseat and a pink sweater on top of the pile of clothes. The chimera wore the hell out of those, Stiles remembers grudgingly. Transferring his scrutiny on the passenger side, he sees empty water bottles and coke cans, and old receipts. What the hell has Theo been up to that he can't even throw his trash out or attempt to be less sloppy?

One thing is sure, though. The car is where Theo lives; the pizza in the backseat looks stale but not molded. He faces Theo and gives him a grim nod, "Let's discuss the condition of your car and your unhealthy lifestyle tomorrow, yeah?"

Theo huffs, wanting to protest and eyeing his car in disgust, but shrugs in agreement.

•••

His father is working the night shift, so explaining Theo is a problem for future Stiles, which makes him sag in relief under the hot spray of his shower. When he's finished, he changes into clean sweatpants and an old Christmas ugly sweater and goes back to his room.

Theo is already sitting on his temporary bed on the floor. Stiles refuses to make him sleep on the couch where the kitchen and knives are near. At least, inside his room, he can fight him should Theo attempt anything at all. Stiles has gotten better at hand-to-hand combat since the FBI, and also a very light sleeper and sometimes prone to insomnia, especially on stressful occasions like this. Any minor shuffling from Theo will alert him. Not that he thinks Theo will do anything. His impulses tell him that Theo's memory dilemma is not made-up, and he's truthful this time, but it's always better to be safe than sorry.

Theo looks up when he enters, offering a small smile. Stiles's eyes catch sight of the outline of a necklace hidden underneath the collar of Theo's borrowed shirt. Stiles's clothes look a bit tight on him but otherwise, more comfortable than the dirty jeans he was wearing earlier. 

"It's so weird to see your old bed," Theo says, looking at the said bed. "Noah brought you a bigger one so that we can share when we visit. I wonder what happened to it?"

Stiles drops onto his bed with a small bounce. He didn't expect that. "Oh, um,"

Theo meets his eyes, "And Roscoe," a shadow crosses his face. "You took down all of the polaroid pictures we put of us. You even replaced the screwdriver that I gave you with an old one."

He sounds so betrayed that Stiles is stunned by what he's hearing. What startles him most, though, is: "You know my Jeep's name?"

At this question, Theo looks downright affronted. But Stiles has every reason to be surprised. His mom, his dad, and Scott are the only people apart from him who knows his Jeep's name -not another soul. Not even Lydia.

"Of course, I know your Jeep's name," Theo responds with a deepening scowl. "We've been together for four years, Stiles."

Stiles raises a hand to halt Theo as his cogs turn in his head. A swell of panic takes root in him. This memory thing is more serious than he initially thought. Theo's not only hallucinating a different life but he also somehow knows things he shouldn't. The screwdriver compartment, his broken radio, his Jeep's name -what else does he know that he isn't supposed to?

"Okay," Stiles finally says, lowering his hand and barrier from Theo, who's still glowering. It seems he has lost his patience with Stiles, as well. If this continues, Stiles might snap, too. So he says as appeasing as he could. "Let's say that whatever happened to you affected our memories of each other. But we'll go to Dr. Deaton for answers tomorrow, and then we can go back to our normal lives. Yes? Do you trust me?"

As soon as he says it, Stiles wants to take it back. It seems like a strange concept to ask Theo, of all people, to trust Stiles after everything. As crazy as Stiles actually trusting Theo. But here they are.

Theo doesn't reply for a long time, but he looks pensive and considering as he glares. In the end, he huffs in surrender, shoulders drooping in defeat. For the first time, the bags under his eyes become more prominent in his features. He looks so weary, hurt, and confused. Stiles is well acquainted with that look. It's the look of someone who hasn't been sleeping well. With the state of Theo's truck, Stiles has no problem picturing the man twist-and-turning to find a good position and not finding any.

Theo dips his head, replying with a rough voice, "Yeah. I trust you."

Before Stiles can say any more, Theo gives him his back and reclines on his mattress. He pulls the covers on himself, like a shield, and mumbles good night to Stiles.

Sighing, Stiles turns the desk lamp off and lays on his bed, staring at the ceiling for who knows how long. After a while, he exhales and rubs the bridge of his nose. His body is exhausted, and so is his mind, but they're not shutting off like they're supposed to. He almost wishes he is back in his dorm room in Virginia, staying up to piece the puzzles of a case. He has dealt with mundane human crises for so long that coaxing the supernatural mojo back appears to be an impossibly draining affair.

When he glances back at Theo on the floor, he pauses as he notices it. There's a blank inked mark on Theo's nape: a tattoo that Stiles knows for sure he didn't have the last time they saw each other. He turns to his side to look closely at it.

The tattoo is of a circle interlaced with three interconnected ovals. It reminds him closely of Derek's triskelion tattoo. But unlike Derek's, Theo's mark gives him an ominous feeling.

Because Stiles is sure, it isn't an optical illusion when it glowed in the darkness of his room for a second.

~•~

[ayellowcurtain]

Can you write a royalty au? Eliott is a king that’s being pressured to marry and everyone thinks that it’s going to be Lucille, but Elliott’s council pushes him to marry a royal from another country. Eliott isn’t against it because his relationship with Lucille has been going rocky, so he agrees but isn’t able to see his ‘bride’ until the wedding. He’s kinda regretting agreeing to this but that all flies out the window when he catches Lucas in a wedding dress/suit, and instantly falls in love

Eliott found peace at having most of his life-changing decisions already made for him since he can remember. He was raised to be a king, there was no choice to be made there and he was happy. Lucille was a family friend, a perfect girl that he knew since he was a baby, she was safe and their parents were more than happy with the thought of their kids getting married, forming a stronger kingdom just by saying yes on an altar.

They spent most of their lifes together, playing and sharing toys, then running away up and down the mountains, kissing behind trees, swimming naked at the lake. Lucille was beautiful and even when Eliott started feeling himself lose interest, when the fights started happening, he wouldn’t change a thing. There was nothing better out there for him. Lucille was still a good choice, he was going to have an easy life as a king with her by his side, her family as strong allies.

In the midst of their fall out, Eliott’s dad was getting sick, too old, and too egocentric to make the choices that were the right ones for the kingdom. He was tired and he wasn’t hiding it, not from Eliott or his mom, at least.

“We’ll say you’re sick, too sick to reign. You’ve been teaching him for so many years now, it’s time.” Eliott heard his mom whisper one night when he was sneaking inside after another long swim by himself.

He didn’t have twelve hours to diggest the information. The next morning his mom was coming inside his bedroom uninvited, bringing him breakfast and a long conversation about the meeting he was going to have with the family council in an hour.

He knew what it was about, obviously, but he felt anxious, knowing how much information he would have thrown at him at once. He knew what he had to do and say and listen, but still felt like a lot. Suddenly his life was running, not walking anymore.

After long weeks of meeting that lasted all day long, Eliott was suddenly hit with the suggestion - that he knew by his mom’s looks that wasn’t really a suggestion - that he should marry someone. Not Lucille, for his surprise. Someone else. And it should happen sooner rather than later.

“You’re becoming a man, my child. A young, brave, intelligent king. They’ve been allies for centuries now, they would never dare to betray us. Your father doesn’t think you’re happy and you’ll need someone strong by your side when you’re weak. Stronger than Lucille.”

Eliott just listens, feeling his mom squeeze his shoulder with her long and skinny fingers. The choice is already made, Eliott is thankful his mom is at least giving him an explanation.

Even if things aren’t exactly perfect with Lucille right now and he’ll have to end it anyway, Eliott can’t help but sneak out of the castle late that night to meet her at the lake for one last date. By the way she runs to him and kisses him with an eagerness that he had forgotten she had, Eliott is sure she knows already.

He enjoys every second, every inch of them because he doesn’t know any better. He doesn’t know what will happen in a couple of months when he’s marrying a complete stranger. Lucille is not a stranger, far from that, she’s home. A messy, not very good for any of them, but it still feels like home, like a breath of fresh air after months of bureaucracy.

“I hope they’re ugly,” Lucille says after a long silence between them, putting her clothes back on before lying on the grass to stare at the bright moon above them. Eliott doesn’t say anything, but she lies on his chest anyway, putting her arm around his stomach like she always does.

Eliott thinks about someone kind, funny, with bright, excited eyes, with the biggest patience in world because they’ll need it. Hopefully, someone that likes arts like himself. Eliott loves the silence, nature so that would be nice too.

“They’ll be really bad in bed too.” Eliott rolls his eyes, thankful that Lucille can’t see it.

“I’m sure we can meet some times if they’re that bad, but I’ll still be married to them. And you’ll still be married to someone old too, who knows.”

The words just slip out of his mouth sometimes and the second they do, Eliott knows Lucille won’t let him have the last word. She’s not completely dressed yet, it’s still early for them so there was no point really, so it’s a lot easier for her to move when she straddles him, pressing her strong thighs around his waist, pressing herself down to make her point.

“I’ll still be the one you think to get it up though. We might be apart, but for a couple of hours per week, you’ll still need me.”

Eliott doesn’t argue, letting her untie his pants again as he puts his arm around her slim waist, rolling to leave her underneath him.

-

“Where were you, Eliott? Your mom is looking for you!” Eliott jumps, not having time to be scared, Arthur is already pushing him to rush out of the kitchen, where he was trying to quietly sneak back inside at the first hour of the day.

“What?” He complains and Arthur rolls his eyes, cleaning his hands against his apron, marking the dark fabric with his powdery hands, “Why? It’s not even the morning yet!”

“Yes, yes, it is! It’s not a morning for princes yet, nothing to do so they can sleep until the middle of the day. But you’re a king now, you have guests!”

“Guests? Who would come-” Eliott freezes because Arthur is saying a lot with his face. His blond hair is all messy, scrunching his impatient eyes, he’s a little out of breath and Eliott realizes all the servants already working too, making so much food it can’t be for just his family. Arthur is already baking. Eliott would know of any meeting he would have this morning.

“Your wedding, my dear friend. It’s happening this weekend.”

Eliott feels his body shutting down, his blood getting cold with the unknown. He thought he had weeks. Just a couple of hours ago he was naked with someone he shouldn’t be. This can’t be it.

Arthur goes back to pushing Eliott to start moving, out of his kitchen, hopefully, help him get to his bedroom without being seen, but they run into someone in the back hall that usually only the servants use to take things to the bedrooms upstairs.

Eliott stops where he is, hoping his face and dirty clothes are not really telling the stranger where he was, with whom, or what they were doing.

When the boy turns around, Eliott’s brain goes blank. He’s perfect. He’s smaller than Eliott, but he’s definitely using better clothes than Eliott, everything fitting him so well it’s was probably made for him, for a special occasion or a special trip. His big, light brown hair is tamed down, framing his tanned face, making his perfect blue eyes shine so bright. He looks lost and a little shy for getting caught.

“May I help you, sir?” Arthur asks and Eliott thinks about pretending he’s only a servant, so he just keeps his mouth shut and lets Arthur walk closer to the stranger.

“Hm, yes, sorry. I was looking for the bathroom.” He talks to Arthur and looks at him for a second, but then his eyes go back to Eliott’s and he watches as Arthur points to the right direction. Only when his long time friend - and also baker of the royal family - looks back at him that Eliott realizes he was staring. Arthur rolls his eyes, rushing back to meet Eliott.

“Go to your bedroom right now or I’ll punch you. Stay there, I’m gonna send some hot water for you to bathe.”

Eliott has to follow whoever he was as they walk to the second floor, a few meters in between them. The boy stops and gets inside one of the bathrooms and Eliott can breath normally again, staring at the close door as he walks past it.

[mychaptersarebeautiful]

Rose colored glasses and what they are NOT.

I feel like I have had the worst string of bad luck and I don’t know what I did to cause it. One after another: my health, my finances, my property, my job, my relationships, all decided to gang up on me at once. I won’t give the dirty details but that’s the gist of it. All in about 3 months time.

And the biggest thing that has annoyed me was when people tell me this:

“Look at the positive! You’ve got other stuff going for you!”

And my normal response is to want to punch them in the face.

But I talked to my crisis counselor about two days ago. I was ugly crying, incoherent, but all I could manage out was I don’t know what to do.

And he gave me the most simple yet almost annoying response.

“You did the right thing. You’re talking about it.”

Um. I can do literally nothing else but talk about it. I feel like I’m at rock bottom but there was a trap door. Literally everything is going wrong right now and the big solution was to talk about it???

But when he said that, it made me stop and think. Especially with what the straw was that broke the camel’s back. I walked out of my car that morning to find someone had hit the front of it and the bumper was hanging off. At the time, my reaction was that the car was totaled and the world was on fire. I broke down after the police officer left, talked to my mom and talked to my counselor. I didn’t know what I needed to hear but I needed to hear something because I was not okay. I cannot catch a break.

Depression and anxiety and other mental illnesses are like a single colored pair of glasses. If you’re looking at a paper with red and blue scribbles and your glasses are red tinted, all you’ll see are the blue scribbles. Before that moment my glasses were tinted with negativity and that’s all I could see. Every bad thing on that paper was all that was there.

My thoughts to anyone ever saying, “look on the bright side!” have probably been similar to anyone reading this. Neurotypical people are those who don’t need glasses to correct their vision. They can see both sides for what they are. Just like someone who’s colorblind, you can’t tell them to see something their eyes are literally unable to see.

So the whole “looking at the world through rose colored glasses” is a bit tricky. I can’t just flip the switch of my view of how things are and suddenly be cured. It takes work and patience and help and kindness for yourself to see the world for what it is: a conglomeration of good and bad. And it’s not successful off the bat.

I regularly forget my regular glasses are even on my face and I can’t see without them. And to tell me to read a sign about 6 feet from my face without them is a waste of time.

You don’t need rose colored glasses. You need glasses that correct your vision and allow yourself to see EVERYTHING in front of you.

In short, the bad doesn’t go away. But neither does the good. And anyone can tell me, “I have nothing going for me.”

If you have blurry vision, I would say to see an eye doctor to help you get glasses. And for mental illness, I would say to see a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist or SOMEONE to help. Medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, talk therapy, any sort of treatment to help you see the world for what it really is.

So don’t go out and get rose colored glasses to fix everything. Get the glasses you need to keep going.

[yanderehive]

General Headcanons ~ Yandere!Monoma

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ ➳  neito monoma x reader

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs ➳  none

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ ➳ headcannons

ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ɢᴏᴛ ɪɴꜰᴀᴛᴜᴀᴛᴇᴅ

Monoma had been attached to you since the first couple of days of school

Whether it was making a snide comment on your quirk, or trying to show off to you he was constantly near

Soon enough, everyone began to see the of you two as friends with how clingy the blond was with you

In reality, it was the exact opposite

The boy was a pest, a very annoying one

You'd always ignore him though, pretending as if he didn't even exist

While the purpose of this was to get him to stop, it only encouraged him

Monoma wanted nothing more than to get under your skin, to see you finally snap after so long

While it had only started as a hobby, it quickly began to develop into something much deeper

ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ᴛʏᴘᴇ?

Monoma is both obsessive and a manipulative yandere

He knows and loves every detail about his darling that there is

He's a little delusional and very manipulative

While he knows they don't particularly like him, he thinks they're playing a little game of hard to get

And like all games, this one should end

So when you continue to ignore and refuse him after some time, his patience begins to run very thin

While he finds you amusing, you shouldn't keep this up forever

It'd be wise to indulge him every once in a while, it works wonders for you both

sᴛᴀʟᴋɪɴɢ & ᴋɪᴅɴᴀᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

He doesn't need to stalk or kidnap you!

He's clingy, and never strays too far from you but he's also very smart

Monoma has his own way of manipulating information out of you

Almost everything that he knows about you he's learned through taunting you

"Your favorite color must be something dumb, right? Like an ugly green!"

And then you correct him with the right color, unknowingly playing into his hand

ʜᴏᴡ ᴛɪɢʜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴀ ʟᴇᴀsʜ?

Monoma likes being the center of your attention, specifically

So paying more attention to classmates really irks him to no end

He can take being ignored, but not this

He gets jealous quickly, and might lash out because of it

Using someone's quirk against them ten fold and claiming he didn't know the limits is one of his favorite excuses

Punishments are often humiliating

He embarrasses you in front of the class, in front of pros, and often makes you out to be a weak link in the class

He would even use your own quirk against you, using some move even you didn't know about yet

"I've done a little research, neat isn't it? It's shameful how even I can use your quirk better than you, you know."

ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ ᴠs ᴀ ʀɪᴠᴀʟ

He honestly doesn't realize his feelings have a romantic aspect until much later

It confuses him that he lets up on his teasing when he sees you becoming overwhelmed and genuinely upset

This was what he wanted.. right? So why does it hurt when you look at him that way?

He quickly learns to accept these new feelings, even if he finds them strange

He definitely blackmailed you into confirming you two were somewhat of a couple, even though UA forbids dating

While he does torment you, he does deep inside love you in a way

When a rival is brought to his attention, he's feels immediately threatened

He's one of the few yanderes that would avoid confrontation at first

That doesn't mean he wouldn't go through with it if need be, he just doesn't favor getting down and dirty

It's a lot of effort to clean up and cover

He prefers to do things behind the scenes, spreading rumors and framing his rival until they can't get within 20 feet of you without having an issue

[plush-rabbit]

SFW Alphabet - Prince Lear

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Lear isn’t very affectionate. Growing up in a strict household and shipped off to a boarding school has made his cold and unable to properly show emotions. The way he does show affection is tense. Once he does ease up, his affection is more apparent. He’ll inch his hand over to you and grab yours, eyes looking the other direction; it’s hugs that are too tight and hands that linger on your back, and soft fingertips that trace your face. Farther into the relationship, he’s a lot needier for affection. He’ll be draped on you, legs on top of his or ours. He’s touch starved and seeking out your warmth.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Friendship would start with either fashion or quippy remarks. He can appreciate someone who has a good taste in fashion and/or someone who is able to snap at him and keep him levelheaded.

He’s the type of best friend were he talks smack about others and is just a little shit, a devious grin and hand covering mouth as he criticizes others. He’s very adamant about keeping you as a friend so it’s a lot of shopping and gifts.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

After the touch rejection phase phases out, he’s very much a cuddler. He wants to be wrapped up in your arms and hear about your day. He wants to bask in your warmth and feel your hands stroke his hair. He’s very often the little spoon. He likes to be held and nuzzle into you.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He wouldn’t mind to settle down. It isn’t constantly in his mind but if he were ever to become a father, he would spoil the heck out of that child. He would like to get married one day, wake up next to someone and just gaze at them in bed and fiddle with a ring whenever he’s anxious.

He is an excellent cook and cleaner. He knows how to work his way around a kitchen and prefers to prepare his own meals. He doesn’t like a dirty environment so his things are neat and tidy, everything where it belongs and papers in a neat stack.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’s not good at saying goodbye. It leaves him with a sick feeling and tears that sear his skin. Breakups aren’t done face to face, through a message is how he works. It’s a simple message that just says that he’s breaking up with you and he spends the next month shopping and tossing things into the bin.

F = Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Commitment makes him anxious. It shakes him to his very core and leaves a sour taste on his tongue. He knows that it all stems from his relationship with his family and that it’s one of the reasons why commitment deters him away and he can’t really dwell on it for too long or else he’ll spiral.  That being said, he will ask for your hand in marriage but it’s going to be a long wait.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s fragile and will treat you as such. He’ll fret over you, he tries to be soft with his touches, only squeezing back when you do, cooing and pecking soft kisses to you. He doesn’t push too hard and only will when he knows you have to let out steam.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He isn’t used to hugs so when you start to throw them his way, he’s stiff and unsure of what to with his arms. Afterwards, his hugs and tight and lingering, holding onto you like you’re a security blanket. He doesn’t want to let go and the way his hands grip your shirt says it all.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes a long time for his guard to lower and actually say that word. He’s thrown it out before but it’s always been to inanimate objects. The first time he ever said it was when he thought you asleep and the moonlight was casting a soft glow around you.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He has a low sense of self-worth and because of that he gets easily jealous, thinking that you’ll leave him to be with someone more down to earth. When he wants to make himself known that you two are together, he’ll grip your hand and just start talking to you, completely cutting off the other person and dragging you away.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Kisses with Prince Lear are soft and hesitant, lips too nervous to touch your skin, that brush over yours for a second too long before they finally kiss you. He enjoys kissing you on the outline of your jaw and he enjoys to be kissed on his temple and the palm of his hand.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He’s oddly really good around children. They like seeing his flashy clothes and his loud personality makes kids just go buck wild in his presence, wanting to scream to match his personality. He likes being around kids because they’re just so excitable and in awe of everything- it’s a real good ego boost.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

It’s lazy mornings where you both lay in bed twenty minutes after you’ve woken up, where you stretch and whine as your bones pop and feeling comes back to your legs. Mornings where he doesn’t want to let go.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

It’s late nights where you watch him do his skincare routine and often join him. Late nights where you both recount your day and bask in the silence.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He won’t reveal information about himself until you’re deep into the relationship. Sometimes he says things by accident, mentioning it offhandedly as you’re eating cereal. Other times it’s late at night where he’s whispering to you his story, his voice full of emotions and hands clenched tight to prevent shaking.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He has a very thin patience but he can hide his anger well. He tries to be patient, biting on his tongue and looking the other way but his blood will boil and red crescent marks will decorate his palm.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He has an excellent memory. He remembers everything that you like, everything that you dislike, completely random facts that you forgot that you even mentioned.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite moment in the relationship is your late night talks when the darkness overtakes the room and you can only feel him. The dark makes him feel more secured. You can’t see the tears that roll down his cheeks when he talks about his mother and father and that makes him feel safer, more in control.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s very protective. He believes that you can protect yourself, but he won’t be the one to stand down, he’ll spit words of venom and take you away from the scene. He won’t ever admit it, but he likes being protected. He likes knowing that someone loves him enough to defend him.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He tries so much with every special holiday. He gives it his all and always tries to one-up himself every year. It all feels like it’s too much and it’s a bit suffocating but it feels nice to know that you’re wanted.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He can mask his feelings well enough that you won’t know what he’s feeling until it’s too late. He doesn’t want you to see him in a vulnerable state, he doesn’t want you to see him as weak so he’ll scowl and act like emotionless until he’s throwing a tantrum.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He is extremely vain. He watches what he eats, has an entire skincare routine that he follows religiously. He needs to appear as if he is in control- that he is above others. He has to look the part of a prince.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He would feel incomplete without you. He’s gotten attached and if you were to ever leave him, there would be a hole in his chest that he would desperately try to fill even if said task were impossible. He cares for you so much that the thought of you leaving him fills him with pain.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He’s oddly fascinated with true crime. It chills him to the bone and he’ll stay up at night thinking about the crime and then he can’t sleep but he really likes them. It’s fascinating hearing people talk about stuff like that and do the amount of research to get all the facts correct.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

In general and in a relationship, he doesn’t like a person without manners. He doesn’t mind if you show your claws every once in a while but he does like a bit of class. He comes from a high society where he was surrounded by silver and gold, where elbows where allowed on the table and eating with your hands was frowned upon. He tries not to let it bother him as much as it used to, but he will turn up his nose at lack of manners.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

His bed is covered with blankets and pillows both for you and him since he hogs everything soft in his vicinity. He also has a habit to jerk in his sleep, little kicks that brush against your calf. Mumbling in his sleep where the little words are spoken that only the night hears.