#it really helps knowing i'm not alone. and those much older than me also feel the same! it's really nice

[astrxealis]

i miss the times back in shadowbringers. don’t get me wrong i love how things are in endwalker but there was just ?? something so magical about shb to me ???

[neil-gaiman]

hey mr gaiman. i saw that this post got revisited and wanted to address it.

i submitted this ask over a year ago on my old account and it was one of the stupidest things i ever did. it was my first tumblr account. id only been really online for a few weeks. i was 13. i was just coming back to school after a global pandemic.

ive been a fan of good omens for years and a fan of yours for longer. i was brought up reading odd and the frost giants and fortunately the milk, and as i got older i fell in love with your norse mythology book, good omens, snow glass apples, the sleeper and the spindle, and more.

i was excited to see one of my favorite authors on tumblr and tried to come up with the most bold and interesting ask i could think of.

i was rude and misinformed and it was a stupid choice of me to send it in with no thought.

but i got feedback. some in the form of kind suggestions. quite a few in the form of death threats and people telling me to kill myself.

while those specific messages were rude and hateful, the point got across. i educated myself to the best of my abilities, and eventually came back online.

not only did i misuse the term queerbaiting but i also implied that you were not an amazing supporter of the queer community. that’s absolutely incorrect. you’ve done so much for us with activism, representation, and overall kindness.

i wanted to address this ask that got so much attention because despite moving accounts i still feel guilt and shame every time i see it, or even when i interact with any of your posts at all. i need to actually address it.

also, i wanted a proper apology to be made. by no means am i now a saint. but im trying to be more thoughtful about thinking before i speak.

whether or not you decide to make a public response to this, i think ill find some peace knowing you’ve received this. ive needed closure on this for a long time.

im overjoyed and thrilled that season two is so close. thank you for tolerating the dumb questions of pretentious kids and thank you for helping to create a world where we can grow to be better than we were.

First of all, and most importantly, I'm really sorry that people were mean to you. That's awful. And nobody should ever have to deal with death threats or online threats and attacks, let alone a thirteen year old.

And secondly, you do not owe me an apology. I figure I have a Tumblr account, people ask things. Mostly they'll get nice replies, occasionally (normally when I'm being asked the same thing over and over) the replies will be terser. There has to be a certain amount of rough and tumble though, and occasionally I'll grab an ask that represents all of the asks I've had on that subject, and try and reply to all of them. That's what happened to you. I was getting tired of being accused of Queerbaiting for the occasional answer about a Season that was not yet released and about which nobody knew anything. And I needed to tell everyone who was doing this that they had to stop now. You had the misfortune to be the representative of all of the other people.

If you are not making mistakes you are not human and you are not learning anything.

(I wish there was tone of voice on the internet.)

And I think you are growing and learning and will make a fantastic adult.

I really hope you enjoy Season 2 when it drops.

[indulgentdaydream]

Hello luv, first of all... I LOVE NURSE!READER!!! OH god the last lines were soooooo heartwarming for my social worker heart!! LOVE LOVE IT 🩷🩷

So, may I request a Jason x reader again but with a little something... Jealous Jason because reader and Roy know each other longer than Jay and reader and then he gets all jelly and and—! Oh god I love a jealous petty man.

Missy when she fucks up the queue and queues this post for NEXT YEAR by accident 🫣🙃 NEXT YEAR?? LIKE THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED LAST FRIDAY AND I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT IT DIDN'T GO UP

anyways AHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH your words are already heartwarming ♥️

I loveeee jealous jason imma cook this up so quick just you wait and see (i wrote this when i first made the draft and i found it funny to leave it. It’s literally been a month I’m so sorry)

I also made this into headcanons because I had a VISION and did not think to give it any justice. (koi youre seriously my number 1 supporter i hope you enjoy this garbage I just threw up, really)

Pining!Jealous!Jason Todd x Reader

Warnings: slight jealousy (not too overly consuming), alcohol consumption

Roy had invited Jason to hang out at the bar

Bros being bros

except...

Roy brought you along (because he KNOWS Jason has got a fat crush on you whether or not he’s told him)

(He tried to convince roy it’s not a crush, but always fails because his whole demeanour changes when you walk in the room)

examples:

he's always going to be standing beside you, consciously or not

jason isn't always a tense guy. But he for sure isn't as long as you're talking to him/looking at him/etc. (but if you put your hand on his arm/touch him in any way, it's game over)

your name is brought up, he's listening SO INTENTLY

like a dog when it hears its favourite word

Anyways

The three of you are sitting in a booth

It was originally you and roy before jason showed up, the two of you on either side

Jason shows up and just sits right next to you. No hesitation.

You and roy are laughing away, recounting stories and telling jokes.

Jason is just... really quiet

unusually quiet

He doesn’t look at you guys, rather looking out across the bar, trying to hide the fact he’s feeling this way

That he's feeling unreasonably jealous of his best friend

who literally brought you FOR JASON

He knows it’s stupid. He trusts both of you. You two are the two people he trusts the MOST

He hates that he’s like this, but he can't help it

Roy's better than him. You've known him for longer. He's making you laugh harder than Jason ever has. He's better looking, too. Older. More experienced.

His thoughts are clogging up his head. He's really not listening anymore, just holding his beer, eyes scanning the bar floor, watching the other patrons.

Then Roy is standing in front of him, saying something about using the bathroom.

He is giving a VERY pointed look at Jason.

a "make conversation with your crush or I'm shoving an arrow down your throat" kind of look

Jason felt a little stab of genuine anxiety shoot through him.

He's talked to you alone before. Many times. You two were friends, of course. He doesn't know why this is how he's feeling right now.

Then your hand is resting on his forearm.

Poor boy is still so caught up in his head he just looks down at your hand for definitely a second too long before finally meeting your gaze

Your gaze with those stupidly pretty eyes.

Then comes that horrendously pretty voice, "You alright?"

He nods. Shrugs. Like a stupid teenager who doesn't know how to handle his emotions.

He has to admit he's still a little tense about your attention being focused more on Roy. But not to you. He'd never admit it to you. You'd probably find it unattractive and then he'd really never have a chance.

“Yeah, no, im enjoying the talking. Always forget how well you and roy know each other”

“Oh yeah he just knows how to get me going. You know how he is”

Jason doesn’t know how he does it.

Like some leap of faith.

Some, jealousy super-powered leap.

He tries to be non-chalant about it.

“It’d be nice to do this again sometime. Maybe without Roy around.”

BOY'S HEART IS POUNDING

Sipping on his beer, looking down at it instead to avoid eye contact with you so he doesn't lose his cool.

Or someone show on his face that he is actually shitting bricks

You don't respond for a second and the alarm bells start going off in his head

WHY DID I SAY THAT WHY DID I SAY THAT WHY DID I SAY-

"It would be nice," you say, "Could we make it a date instead?"

He's smiling, turning to nod at you, "Course we can."

But his internal dialogue is just straight screaming at himself

"IDIOT YOU SHOULD'VE MADE IT OBVIOUS YOU WANTED IT TO BE A DATE IN THE FIRST PLACE"

The things jealousy will make you do

Roy comes back and sits down

Jason's into the conversation now

It doesn't really matter that Roy is still making you laugh

because he's not the one holding your hand under the table

AH I HOPE YOU LIKE -missy

I also love a jealous petty man (as long as it doesn't become toxic and he doesn't use it as an excuse to be an asshole)

[marxism-transgenderism]

There was this phase in my transition that I'm still not really sure how to talk about mainly because I don't know how to talk about it in a way that doesn't sound like I'm saying transfem butches aren't sincere (cause they are and are hot) but I definitely had a few years when I first came out but wasn't yet on e where I called myself butch but mainly used it as a crutch to be able to dull my dysphoria and make myself more palatable to those around me.

Like "I'm not wearing the same outfit of black tshirt and jeans every single day because it helps me ignore my body, I'm just butch" or like how I could feel much more comfortable with my facial hair and jaw line by reframing the default view people had of my body as masculine as a form of female masculinity that i already had a model for (like i was in queer spaces for years prior and knew plenty of tme butches I could model myself after but basically no trans women I could model myself after, none much older than me or further along in their transition, let alone in any leadership positions I looked up to)

People also just generally (ESPECIALLY in the tme dominated lesbian spaces I was in from like 2018-21) celebrate butches much more than clocky broads so it felt like if I was going to be a "masculine" (whether I wanted my body to be percieved as masculine or not) woman than the main way to do it is to be a butch. Like I didn't have these explicit thoughts at the time but in retrospect it really felt like the only way I could present myself to other queer people as a woman with a strong jawline and body hair from head to toe and a noticeable dick in a way that didn't immediately revile them (though how much success I had in not reviling them with my presence is up for debate)

[elsa-fogen]

Ok, Rosie headcanon for you!! Might be a slight AU but whatever lol

I like to imagine that Rosie is actually REALLY old. Died in the 1400s or something (maybe for being a suspected witch 👀) , and she just sort of kept up with the times until she found a period that suited her (getting there on that). This also ties into Cannibal Town/Colony name thing!!

Idk how much you know about American history (I know if I didn't live in this crazy country I'd know nothing by choice lol), but in the late 1500s Roanoke Colony was established where North Carolina is now. They struggled with supplies and relations with native people so the founder left to get supplies/help etc; when he came back 5 years later everyone had disappeared without a trace, no graves, bodies, only the word "CROATOAN" carved into a rock. It's a mystery nobody has solved since.

BUT.

WHAT IF.

They ran out of resources, right? What if food ran so low that people began to resort to cannibalism? And things were going so badly that some desperate person tried to summon a demon, anything to help them?

And Rosie, twisted and dark as she may be, took her own sort of sympathy on the poor, struggling colony of Roanoke, and took them all down to Hell as her own colony of souls: Cannibal Colony, leaving Roanoke empty without a trace of its inhabitants. From then on, she just sort of adopted any cannibals who fell into hell as part of her little town, so long as they assimilated and didn't cause trouble. She owns all their souls, yes, but they have some level of peace and security knowing she'll take care of them.

With the "updating culture" thing, I also headcanon that she liked to keep up with the times and stay current until sometime after slavery ended, a little before Alastor arrived (depression era) she didn't like where modern times were headed and just sort of...stopped progress, like a time capsule. Modern times started progressing too fast, and she didn't want everything to be forgotten in the rush to the future, especially the way the human world was looking with the depression. She did rename them to Cannibal Town eventually, since it was more than just her original Colony that gave her Overlord status.

I love Rosie 👁👄👁 sorry for the giant text block lol

P.S. Your art inspires me so much!! And your characterizations are *chef's kiss* I feel like your blog is consistently one I can come to to get canon-accurate character content without facing an onslaught of r********e (finally someone who can't stand it as much as me! Sending all the love 💓

oH WOW! This is really damn good and interesting headcanon! You almost convinced me to change mine to this (well, i like the idea of Rosie being SUSPECTED witch gshssh angssssst yessss). I realized that actually I don't have much that keeps me from just accepting this. Only 2 things

one is that she in her life was fighting for women's rights, and keeps doing it in hell, but i guess she still can even being older.

second one is more important. Rosie and Alastor are roughly same age (30-40 age gap is nothing in hell, were age gaps can be thousands of years) and this is one of the reasons they get along, i think.

Plus in my plot Rosie being a relatively young overlord plays significant role...

But as i said, you headcanon really cool! Maybe i'd use it for some new AU haha

P.S. Your art inspires me so much!! And your characterizations are *chef's kiss* I feel like your blog is consistently one I can come to to get canon-accurate character content without facing an onslaught of r********e (finally someone who can't stand it as much as me! Sending all the love 💓

GAHYHHHAFGS THANK YOU! I'm really happy to know that i'm not alone on this hate board hsbfsdhfj

Here you can be safe, never ever you'll see anything positive about this ship on my blog 😂 (no offence to those who likes it) Love you too 💖💖💖

[gayerthanevertbh]

daddy issues

it was so wrong and so good to bring her to your place, and being fucked by her. it feels really fucking good.

pairings: scarlett johansson x reader

warnings: 18 MINORS DNI alcohol consumption, rough sex, strap-on (r receiving), rough kissing, slightly dark!scarlett, dirty talking, oral sex, and daddy issues.

notes: these photos aren’t mine, i just found them on twitter, and i’m absolutely OBSESSED. enjoy!!

masterlist

Your eyes have lingered on Scarlett most of the time. It's not like you could help it, how can she stand there and be this beautiful with her golden silk blonde hair that is sort of wavy yet so pleasant to see? You tap your index finger on your champagne glass, bringing the rim to your pinkish lips as you try to gaze at the surroundings instead. My, everything was beautiful. Scarlett has great creativity, especially when it comes to events. Every time there was a party in her new company, every piece of furniture – was organized and fresh, like brand new. She liked the brand new stuff, never old. You don't know why, but you find it neat of her.

When you looked back at her, she was staring at you from afar. Well shit, you thought to yourself and instead looked away, the embarrassment building up in your veins. You were incredibly foolish, letting yourself know that you could get away from staring. But in fact, she has caught you! My god, so irrational of you. And not even a minute later, she was approaching you with a smile – her cheeks reaching up to her eyes. You smiled back and unexpectedly, you received a warm embrace from her.

Your Daddy or Mommy issues are concerning.

She felt absolutely warm.

"I'm so glad you could make it!" she exclaims happily as she pulls away from your body, which is much to your dismay. Yet you aren't complaining like a little child. "I thought you were staying at your mom's today?"

"Oh well," you sighed, shaking your head. "Change of plans."

Did you shrug? That's stupid, why did you shrug? She must've thought you were coming off in a rude way, honestly, those aren't your intentions! Have you been thinking about this too much? Maybe, maybe...

Scarlett scratches the back of her head and stands a little closer to you, which makes your breath hitch. Although, it was pretty understandable since the crowd was thick. You look at the way she brings her whiskey glass to her mouth and asked, "Are you alone? I've been watching you and you seem... lonely."

"I didn't invite anyone else with me," you shrug politely. "I don't know, I only joined because well... I work for you."

"Sweetheart, if you are tired, then you could go back home, you know?"

The name sweetheart slips out of her mouth so easily that you barely catch it. It's almost like you want her to say it again until you think about her at night, not knowing what else to do other than slipping your fingers into your panties as you scream her name. But she doesn't know that, of course, she doesn't.

You give her a tight lip smile and shake your head once again, although you feel a little light-headed yourself. Perhaps you should go home, but you also wanted to keep talking to the older woman who's currently your boss.

"I'll have a couple more drinks."

She nods. "Have you eaten? I could bring you a plate, we could eat together."

You wouldn't oppose that. Of course, you won't. If Scarlett asks you to eat with her, you must eat with her. You can't back out from that.

You felt your throat tightening, just like the air that has been hallucinating you, as you stutter out: "S-Sure! Yes, why not? Um, yeah."

She only lets out a small laugh and brings you to the buffet area with her hand on your lower back, her mouth near your head.

You and Scarlett spent your time alone at the corner of the event, eating salads together as you talk about the previous school that you used to go to. She didn't know anything much about you, which was expected since you don't consider her your friend, but she seems merely interested in your stories. You didn't know that she could fully speak Russian, making her speak a few sentences to you as you find it very amusing to hear her speak in another language.

"That's what you get when you work for Marvel," she chuckles, sipping from her glass, which has to be her third by now. "You choose to not learn the language and say a few lines, I did. You could say that I was bored."

"Well, maybe you should start feeling bored so that you can learn a few more things." you manage to joke, making her laugh again. Without expecting anything, you felt her hand on your knee as she squeezes it gently, her eyes at the side of your head. You sit still, holding your breath as you count how long she'll put her hand there. She was close to kissing you, but you're also delusional for thinking such a thing as that. She's married, for Christ's sake.

"I'm glad I'm talking to you, everything feels so refreshing, you know? It's like you could see me as a person, and not some celebrity."

"At the end of the day we're all human," you say quietly, your fingers playing with your cold glass as you let the wetness coat the tips of your fingers. "And I find you as my boss and sort of a friend. I have a lot of respect for you."

"Is that so, Y/n?"

"Yep," you smiled sheepishly, feeling your cheeks heating up with a pinkish color as you duck your head. "I'm sorry, it's just that–this is all new to me, we don't talk like this."

She only sighs, pulling her hand away, as she sits back on the couch. There was a moment of silence, letting the noise from the crowd ingrain you before she could even speak with such a hoarse voice.

"I'll take you home tonight."

"That wouldn't be necessary–"

"Please," she interrupts you with a plea, sounding almost upset that you almost oppose her idea. You bite your lower lip in response as she continues, "Let me take you home. It's at least what I could do for accompanying me tonight."

"I guess that wouldn't hurt, right?" there was no backing out. She does want to take you home, which makes you feel even more nervous – you could feel yourself sweating already.

She smiles kindly at you and nods.

"What would be a harm on that?"

—

"You don't have to bring me to my door," you chuckle, as the alcohol-intoxicated you slowly, rummaging your hand inside your bag to find your keys. Scarlett only walks near you and presses herself against the doorway, watching you become so stressed trying to find your apartment key. "S-sorry, I'm–"

"It's okay," she whispers hotly. "I'll wait."

After what seemed like hours, your face lit up as you held the key in your palm. You opened the door with victory as you walked inside, dropping your bag onto the couch. You notice that your apartment was a bit small so you whispered to your shoulder, "I'm sorry if it's a small house, I live on my own."

"I kind of thought you were living with your mother," she said while closing the door behind her, hearing it click. You wondered why she locked the door, was she staying here longer? Either way, you didn't seem to mind. You were tired and sleepy, so you poured yourself a cold glass of water, offering her one. "Would you like a glass?"

She only shakes her head as she flops herself on the couch, lying her head back on the cushion. Replying with a deeper voice, "No. But could you sit with me?"

"O-Of course."

You didn't waste any more time and sat down slowly beside her, feeling her hand on your back once again. She seemed so touchy tonight, but she was always touchy with everyone. You thought that maybe she was doing that with everyone else, so you weren't that sort of special, but her touch seems to be so different now. As if she's hazed and drunk, not knowing what she's doing. Perhaps she is drunk, which makes your heart feel a little heavier.

"Are you going home?" you asked curiously.

"Don't you want me to stay?" dare speak to me with that deep voice once again, I could possibly throw myself at you and let yourself fuck me hard.

"Yeah," you say as you grow tired. "I just–Well, it's very late. You have taken me home. There's only one bed in my house, I don't think I could offer you one."

Maybe you were saying this to push her away, to push these nonsensical feelings away so that you could act civil with her and not some teenager who has an infatuation over an older woman. This doesn't happen often, but you do have these issues that aren't confronting you much. And when you saw her wearing that suit tonight, you could only think that your Daddy issues are growing in you and not out of you.

You were fucked up.

"Can I ask you something?" she whispers out as she shuts her eyes, sighing with her chest heaving. You whimpered out quietly, giving an answer to her question. She whispers again, but this time, this made your cunt clench. "Have you ever thought about me being alone in your house?"

First of all, you don't know how to answer that. Second of all, why is she asking you this? It was random, completely out of your relationship with her, but you couldn't help but think: was she thinking about you? Was she interested in you? Fuck, you felt your heart swirling in your drunkenness.

"I–" you felt your breath hitched again, toying your fingertips. "Um, I... yes? I mean, I'm so sorry–I just have this crush on you and I think you know now and I feel terrible–"

You should've kept your mouth shut.

This lifted her head lift a little, as she was amused by your response, deciding that she should keep talking about this. She sat up, inching closer to you, as her arm is now around your shoulders. Now, you could feel her close. Now, you feel your issues are growing stronger.

Please don't let her notice.

"I'm–"

"Tell me more."

Your face has gone perplexed. "W-what?"

Scarlett leans to your face closer – but not ultimately close – and whispers again, "Tell me more. I want to know what's in your head."

"There's," you trail down your words, murmuring to yourself how foolish you are, as you looked away from her. You tried at least because she turned your head again with the hold on your chin. She's now looking at you, and you could feel yourself squirming from her touch. "Scarlett, do you think you should go home? I don't feel so well."

"I know you have a crush on me," she teases you lightly while thumbing your cheek, she thought how pleasant and soft your skin was. "It's obvious, doll. I know."

Well, at least you could've done it with more discreetness. Instead, she knows what a possible slut you are for her – and it's a little embarrassing to even think about it.

"I'm sorry," you whined, laying your head on her shoulder as you cried out, knowing that she'll probably never talk to you this way again. "God, I should've controlled it. I'm so fucking stupid."

She lifts your cheeks up and shakes her head, shushing you quietly, then you relax your weight on her hand as she replies with a deeper tone than you've last heard. "First of all, you aren't stupid. Never to me. Second of all, don't swear at me. I don't like that."

"I'm sorry," you say, swallowing down the saliva in your throat. "I'll never swear at you again."

"Good girl, baby. I only get to swear."

She's like making you a doll in her eyes, a good little pet that could be dragged around the street. But did you complain? No. why? Because you know you'd like her dragging you around and making you her personal slut. Whore. Tiny girl. She holds your biceps as she pulls you closer to her body, letting her hand pet your hair. She kisses your forehead feverishly, as if you're a secret, and nuzzles her forehead against yours. You lift your chin up and stare into her eyes, admiring the small wrinkles that were under her eyes, and without even thinking further – you pressed your lips on hers.

What the fuck was happening?

You winced in the kiss, you felt her nibbling on your lower lip, and you couldn't help but withdraw from her sensational lips as you finally realized what you'd done. Now, you've gone insane. You stood up and panted heavily, not looking into her eyes. You know that she wanted it too, or perhaps you're delusional again to think so. Or maybe she was kissing you back out because she was flattered, you don't know.

"I think you should leave."

"My little one..."

"No," you chuckled as you felt yourself crying from your sinful acts, shaking your head and holding onto the knob for your dear life. You manage to whisper out, "You're married. I don't–I wasn't thinking, I'm very sorry. It won't happen again, but you should leave."

Scarlett only stands and cups your face, bringing you closer but you fight her with it. You keep pulling yourself back but dear god, she was stronger with you, despite all those workouts for her role that seems to be complex. You whimpered when she grounded you on the spot, bringing her lips closer to your nose and whispering with a hiss, "I don't think you should tell me what to do."

"Excuse me?" you were flabbergasted. "This is my house!"

"Not with that tone I won't," she growls, pulling my ponytail to expose my neck. You were intoxicated by her, extremely in a compelling way. "I'm not leaving. Not until I fuck the shit out of you, not until you stop being a fucking brat. You let me in, didn't you? You knew what was bound to happen."

"You're hurting me!"

"Stay still or else I'll do something worse." you did not know she can be this... different. Maybe this is the reason why you never meet your heroes, she was so violent with her tone – especially the way she grabs your hair as if manhandling you. But your cunt says otherwise, your heart says otherwise. You want her to fuck you, to make you wide open until you only remember her fingers, her tongue, her dick, whatever else is there. Before you can speak, she pushes you back down on your couch as she spreads your legs wide open for her to easily grind her pelvis against yours, leaving you out of breath.

"You don't know how much I've wanted to fuck you since the moment I met you," she purrs on your neck, groping your left breast with force. You cry with the sensation that she was giving you, you were obsessed that you couldn't stop your hips from rolling upwards. "With your shoulders and those legs of yours, I could go on for hours about how much I wanted you. Now, I have you, and you're going to be mine tonight."

"Scarlett," you gasped for air, her thumb pressing hard against your covered nipple. "You have a husband! This is wrong..."

She shakes her head, smiling faintly at you. She was intoxicated by you, as much as you are to her. With her touching you like a brothel and her tongue flicking on your skin, it makes sense how incredibly aroused she was. And boy, you were too.

"It's not baby," she whispers, knowing that she was slightly manipulating you into giving yourself to her. "It's never wrong. We were meant to do this."

"You're mine," she said, pulling your silk black dress upwards, your pink laced panties on now in full exposition. "Say it. Say that you're mine."

You let out a loud whimper when she demands you to say it, and you should say it. Not because you want to please the older woman, but because you do belong to her – without any hesitation.

"I'm yours."

Slap!

"Really?" she asked with a sinful tone, a deep voice that shrills you until you're dead, and massages your bare thigh with her calloused hand. "You're mine, all fucking mine. I don't want you near anyone, or else I'll have to punish you... which is something you don't want to look forward to."

Before you could reply, she pulls down your panties, kissing your pelvis with a deep breath. She smells you, she kisses your pubic bone, and she touches your inner thighs – which is something so undeniably sexy that you have your legs wide open, a sopping wet cunt exposed for her touch. You feel the tip of her nose pressing against your clitoris while taking a small taste from your cunt, moaning at how delicious you were.

"Didn't know you were this wet," she chuckles deeply, igniting your skin. Scarlett gets even more desperate when she gives your folds a long lick, making your back arch. "Mmph, so delicious. Gonna eat you out so good, you'll be falling apart."

"Ungh," you covered your mouth, tears rolling down from your eyes – from the pleasure – as your hand grips the side of the couch, moaning in wanderlust. She flicks the tip of her tongue on your hole, teasing it slightly before she could push her fingers inside of you, and when you were expecting her fingers; she lifts herself up. You draw your eyes open and watch as she pulls down her pants, a strap bouncing in the air. You were utterly shocked, how can something so big be so engrossing? You don't even know if that would fit inside of you, and would it?"Wait!" you stopped her from pushing in when you felt the tip on your hole, biting your lip down as you could feel the irritation. "I'm–It's too big..."

"We'll make it fit, baby." she kisses your cheek in reassurance and finally pushes inside of you with a long groan, burying her head into your neck. She holds you down, pinning you almost as if she feels her cock around your wetness. She wants to feel your walls, how they would be tight around her, but she liked the idea of fucking you with her dildo. It's almost fascinating.

"God," she rolls her eyes in the back of her head, humping you with much force. "You're so fuckin' tight."

You wouldn't lie but, you're enjoying this moment. Sure, it was huge, but you know you'd take it. Of course, you have to take it. What else are you supposed to do? You clawed her back as you wanted her lips on you, but her head was tucked into your neck, and you could feel her warm breath against your skin – damped.

"Fuck me," you begged with a whine. "Please, fuck me. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck–Agh!" Scarlett gives you shallow thrusts, almost bottoming in you, her mouth all over your chest. She continues to assault you until you are a screaming mess, the squelching noises coming from your cunt and her cock getting the woman into her climax, tightening her arms around you as she grumbles with a whisper, "I'm gonna fucking cum–fuck you feel so good!"

She moves inside of you with more pace until her torso twitches, cracking a moan in your ear as she pours out her orgasm, rubbing your clit with her thumb as you come with her. Everything felt hot and sticky, which you didn't mind. But she has put her morals aside and continued to thrust inside of you, but at a slower pace, prolonging both of your orgasms. As soon as she is done, she flops on your chest and lets out a chuckle, a wheezy chuckle.

"Fuck man," she wipes her forehead with her arm as she sits back up, watching your chest heave. "That was the hottest thing we've done. But don't you dare fall asleep, we have more work to do."

You feel livid.

[maliciousalice]

@thresholdbb omg tumblr ate your ask but thankyou for asking!!!!

👕Character whose fashion you like.

Phoar! Startrek really isn't a show I associate with being fashionable. It's very camp isn't it? In theory a lot of the wardrobe is really cool and they wanted to gain that retro-future aesthetic. Did it work? I'm not sure. However it does make a statement. The Startrek aesthetic is really recognizable and that's important! I think that's where modern trek kind of looses the plot. It's not as careful about the unique visual design as a whole anymore and as a result it doesn't settle in our minds. Is it bad artistry? No but it's not as stringent. What I mean by that is older trek cared about nuance. For example every haircut was done the same way on men, or suits were tailored in a way to look sleek but practical (they weren't). Gaudy patterns were important to denote things like status. It looks ugly on the outside but when you're watching the show it envelops you and makes you feel welcomed into the universe.

I digress.

To answer this, the most fashionable character, hands down, is Quark! That mfer always looks good, and has the finest drip in the galaxy. Love that.

🥲 ST moment that makes you cry.

There are two moments that make me particularly sad. Kate's acting in the climax of Resistance is incredible. I read somewhere she had a special-wink-wink- relationship with the Director in the early seasons and she was being tested by this episode in some regard. I think it paid off. I treasure any time her captain-hood is removed, and the extreme vulnerability of Janeway is on display-MWAH MWAH poignant. This episode is beautifully intimate, particularly this scene. It's overall gorgeous and unique in how she whispers to him, as if there is nothing more important than to secure his peace of mind as he dies, and it's heart rending when it ends with her just crouching there, emotionally alone. I love how Janeway is forced into the father-daughter dynamic between her and Caylem, one that she would ordinarily resist (heh themes) because I think it inherently weakens her status. The back and forth throughout the episode of them taking care of each other's welfare is so it's terribly sad when it's torn down and we discover the truth behind Caylem's family. If you've dug around her character you know that her Admiral-Father has had impact on her life. She's haunted by him in both a figurative way by being a Captain, and literal sense later on in Coda. Much like Caylem, she looses her father in a violent manner that she has to carry around while she forges ahead. It also reflects well on Kate's relationship with her actual father, she recently revealed that she was never able to get him on her page, but in spite that she adore him with all her might. So a scene like this is really revealing-I believe she was able to draw upon those feelings and that's kinda neat to be so raw as an actor. SIGH.

This one just straight up made me cry fr because Prodigy s1 is a really mature, well done piece of (Startrek) media. Holo Janeway has an irony about it where in the end she is program designed to be a teacher, and she didn't expect to develop a strong bond with the crew. Her final moments are of displaying a huge amount of selflessness and courage to help the kids get out of trouble, similarly to how Janeway would approach dire circumstances. The music swelling and the ship activating is just OOOOF!!! I love how it parallels Dal's initiation of the first Protojump in a Moral Star. By that means It suggests how proud she is to get to do this for them. As a character she is really interesting to think about, in a way I can't entirely articulate. A lot of her moments are quite sad in general, she has to keep an active role so she isn't ignored, and help where help is needed, but at the same time she has constraints, one being that she manipulated by the antagonists. And In contrast to that, the kids do their best to help her feel like she is important and more than a command program to be used insincerely. She grew to love the Protostar crew, that's evident in her body language in this scene. She has a lot of depth overall. Equal to the real Janeway she deeply feels love, guilt and pain, but importantly she is transformed by the her time on the Protostar and while active, learns and grows with Dal, Rok-tak, Zero, Jankom and Gwyn. It's REALLY sweet that they care all care about each other.

I love her and I love JANEWAY!!!!

🥹 Favourite behind the scenes picture.

Ooooh I love all behind the scenes stuff. My brother in Christ It's super difficult to just name one thing and I'm very greedy!! I wish we had more BTS content for Voyager but sadly, it's a matter of grab what you can, however you can. Anyway, I have an inherent interest in seeing the cogs behind the wheel. I chose these samples because I think they're charming.

The continuity polaroid's are so fun and a lost technique, I like to think about assistants having to pull the actors aside and asking them to take those. How daunting! Kate's grin in the one where she is offset is SO cute. So she must have been in a good mood, super Cheeky!

Following that is a screenshot from a video of her having her makeup done. A rare catch. I like this because she often sooks about how much time hair and makeup was spent on her to become Captain Janeway. I get it's a huge time-sink, but love or hate it, the full irony is that her early season appearance is really iconic and in it's own right adds to Captain Janeway's sensibility. Silly goose Kate! Besides that, she looks hot checking herself out, haha.

Moreover, I love on-set editorial photos of actors in costume. While we did have heaps of them in the Starfleet uniform, I wish we had a larger collection with clearer releases, it would have given an opportunity to see in things of interest better detail. Particularly the lower half of unique costumes. For whatever reason special outfits weren't often established or framed for us to see the legs in the show, so a nice big photograph would have solved that. Also I love that these style of pictures capture an impression of an episode without giving it away.

Similarly, fly on the wall on-set photos are cool. They're way more intimate and candid than anything else and it makes me feel as though I am spying on the actors, but they're also a good way to document how things might have been on set.

The Timeless one is interesting too because it's of a deleted scene, we never see Chakotay look at a dead Janeway (how deliciously macabre!), but at some point in time it was in the script and they filmed it.

Hmm this bts picture of Janeway in the Cardigan is adorable! I believe it was worn by Kate for a Charity but look how cute she looks? Makes me wish we saw her mess around with things like that more because 7 Years is a long ass time to be in uniform everyday ( coming from someone who went to school in a Uniform and enjoyed it for the most part). Casual Fridays anyone?

I love this gif. It's from the first shoots of Caretaker and Kate looks so radiant! Her smile is is breathtaking! Whenever I see this gif I get a sense of delight. Poor thing had no idea what she was getting herself into, haha. Really though, check out the original Caretaker photos, they're super-cool. The history behind it is fascinating; I'd love to see more footage from that version of the pilot episode. Unfortunately, it's probably not preserved well, much like lots of Paramount's historical material.

On a similar trend, it's fun to see this set of pictures too. It's for the First Contact film / maybe the Universal studios ride, when she reprised her role as Vice AdmiralJaneway. Kate was genuinely delighted to do this cameo and it shows. As per her operandum she put her whole self into this small segment and that's so darling. It makes me wish we had more of this Janeway at that point in time. I love post Endgame chubby-Janeway. In a fictional sense it denotes that she is comfortable or stressed to be an Admiral (sadly it's the latter in real life) or whatever and I love that for her.

These kind of pictures are fun because it's been said that at times it was the most playful set to be on. There are tales that the cast were not that serious all the time. You get that impression here, and it's probably why the majority of them are still good friends to this day. They're like a family bros!!! Having worked in media I know that wrapping up after working on something for a long time is really rewarding and I bet they had a good time at parties.

Apropos previous, the opposite can be said. While they had fun, the hours were long and the scripts intensive. Kate was around for all of the episodes of Voyager in one way or another, and still managed to bring her A-game each time. She is truly admirable! Seeing her so exhausted is charming. She had a lot of weight to carry for the franchise and did an exemplary job performing her way through 7 years of weird and wonderful material. I wonder how often they fell asleep on set? I know I would. Get some rest queen!

Finally, I've been following Prodigy bts as best I can, and because of my career in animation I get pretty interested in Production art. I love seeing the fast metamorphosis of a visual style. It's really impressive how much attention they applied to the designs, maintaining the older stuff, while adapting a new frontier. One of the lead artists made some pretty neat observations to get Kate's appearance right. It's so cool that they documented that journey, because from my dabbling I know she has a very beautiful, distinct face that isn't easy to capture.

ANYWAY Thankyou for reading my fat thesis fellas. tl;dr i love this stinky Startrek Voyager and by extension the franchise.

[amberjazmyn]

"whenever you're ready bug"💔

pairing : max verstappen x fem!younger sister verstappen reader & f1 grid x platonic!fem younger sister verstappen reader

summary : max's younger sister always seemed to draw the short straw in her short life. first, she was born way earlier than she was meant to be, had what seemed like hundreds of surgeries and hospital stays and was then diagnosed with terminal cancer that shortened her life which was always uncertain from the beginning.

warnings :  sadness, older brother x max, sibling loss, terminal illness, crying, just genuinely upsetting, surrender by natalie taylor if that even counts as a warning and dodgy dutch google translations + maybe a couple mentions of j*s verstappen but no more!

a/n :  i know, i'm such an ass for giving all the depressing one-shots to max but, i can't help it! this is what happens when i love a particular person so much, i write depressing fics about them. i've gone back at forth a different few times with whether or not i should have this as child loss or sibling loss or child loss but i'm back at sibling loss. lyrics in bold italics, flashbacks in italics, present in normal font and it'll be written in lowercase like always . 

being diagnosed with cancer or really any illness at any age was a nightmare and indeed the worst thing that could happen to a family. however, for nine-year-old willow verstappen, younger sister of max and victoria verstappen, it was even more nightmarish. especially since everything about her illness and cancer diagnosis was posted on nearly every single social media site and magazine because of how high profile her older brother max was due to him being a formula one driver and how famous that then made her and her sister victoria by proxy. in saying that though, it didn't really bother the young nine-year-old too much because at the end of the day, she was able to share her experiences with her specific cancer and give those young people who were also dealing with the same thing that they had someone else their age who understood what they were going through and that ultimately, they weren't alone in their fight with cancer.

however, there did come a stage where willow could feel herself start to give up and, it seemed as though everyone in her family and extended f1 grid family could also see it happening, which terrified them.

we let the waters rise, we drifted to survive.

by the minute, willow was getting weaker and the cancer was getting so much stronger to the point where she felt like she was merely drifting, treading through the water to survive the day let alone the next one. not only was this having a weighing effect on willow, but it was also having the same effect on her parents, jos and sophie, her older brother max and older sister victoria as well as the extended formula 1 grid family who she called her "bonus family". going through this with willow was starting to weigh everyone down. not because the girl was a burden, but because they knew she was getting weaker as the days went by and were getting ready to let go.

one year ago

it felt like all the walls in the doctor's office were closing in on sophie and her eldest child, max. they never imagined they'd be getting this news after another regular hospital trip for their youngest daughter and sister, eight-year-old willow verstappen. jos not at the hospital for his daughter because he now had a whole different family to take care of. 

"...meneer verstappen? max, heb je gehoord wat ik je net vertelde?" willow's doctor, dr phelps questioned, max blinked a couple of times before responding mr verstappen? max, did you hear what i just told you?

"nee, sorry, wat zei je? kunt u dat alstublieft herhalen?" max still sounded like he was so far away from dr phelps' office but did his best to not tune out this time since it seemed as though it was quite important what he was telling him and his mum no, sorry, what did you say? could you please repeat that?

"ik zei dat willow, met de recente diagnose van terminale kanker, nog steeds chemotherapie kan proberen en misschien een beetje radiotherapie, maar we zijn er niet zeker van dat het zal werken op de manier waarop het gewoonlijk zou werken als we het eerder hadden gezien..." i was saying that, with willow's recent diagnosis of terminal cancer, she can still try chemotherapy and maybe a little bit of radiotherapy but we are not certain that it'll work in the way it usually would if we had seen it earlier

ahh, yes, that's what the conversation was about, his baby sister had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. and they were talking about roads of treatment and how successful they could potentially be for a tiny little eight-year-old. max could feel a sob building in his throat and it seemed like his mum, sophie, could feel it too, holding her son's hand tightly, she just wished they were anywhere but in dr phelps' office right now.

"...ah, uhm, dus theoretisch gesproken, als mijn zus...willow een of meerdere chemotherapieën en misschien radiotherapie zou ondergaan, hoe lang zou je dan realistisch gezien zeggen dat we haar bij ons zouden hebben?" max gulped as he fiddled with the scrunched up tissue in his palm given to him by his mum as he squeezed sophie's hand with the other one ah, umm, so, theoretically speaking, if my sister...willow, was to undergo a round or couple of chemotherapy and maybe radiotherapy, how long would you say we'd have her with us, realistically?

"nu, max, ik zou het je echt niet kunnen vertellen, omdat dit zo nieuw is en zo laat in het ontdekken van de kanker, dat we echt geen idee hebben hoe lang het haar leven mogelijk zou kunnen verlengen. maar zodra de chemo- en radiotherapie beginnen, kunnen we dat soort dingen gaan inschatten..." dr phelps responded as max felt his heart shatter now, max, i really couldn't tell you because this is so new and so late in finding the cancer, we truly have no idea how long it could potentially prolong her life. but, once the chemo and radiotherapy do start, then we can start estimating things like that

sophie feeling like she was holding it all together, his face almost crumbling as he then turned away from the doctor. then he caught a glimpse of his precious baby sister sitting ever so peacefully in the waiting room with her brother's teammates, daniel and charles. the both of them lovingly putting their hands up to take care of her whilst the other drivers were keeping kelly and penelope occupied, once again, jos and the step-siblings nowhere to be found. 

"...ze verdient dit niet..." max croaked out, bringing his tissue up to cover his face as sophie comforted her son whilst dr phelps sighed solemnly she doesn't deserve this

"...nee, dat doet ze niet maximaal, niemand van haar leeftijd doet dat. ze is zo jong, maar helaas gebeuren deze dingen en het is absoluut wreed. maar ik beloof dat we er alles aan zullen doen om ervoor te zorgen dat je kleine zusje en dochter de beste kans krijgen om te overleven en haar kanker te verslaan, aangezien ze zo sterk was tijdens al haar andere operaties en kwalen," dr phelps was confident in the idea that once again, little willow was going to survive another diagnosis no, she doesn't max, no one her ages does. she's so young but, unfortunately, these things happen and it's absolutely cruel. but i promise, we'll do everything we can to make sure your little sister and daughter gets the best chance of surviving and beating her cancer since she was so strong during all of her other surgeries and ailments

but, heartbreakingly, max and sophie thought otherwise and it seemed as though, in willow's eyes, she too thought the same thing as her mum and older brother. 

willow's pov

i lay in my hospital bed, a smile on my face as i saw my mum, max and victoria open the door and let in my three of my bonus siblings from max's f1 grid. leaving me alone to spend time with them whilst they went to get lunch. usually, it would only be two, maybe one, allowed in my room. but, by an exception rule, i was allowed to have more than just one or two in my room at once.

"hey will," daniel smiled, closing the door behind him since he was the last one to file into the room

"hey, danny!" i smiled as i then gave him a hug since i had already given charles and carlos a hug beforehand

my smile then quickly disappeared as i caught a glimpse of max looking like he was crying. but, he was trying to be discrete about it as i looked out of the window behind daniel's shoulder. even though he was supposed to be getting lunch with mum, victoria, kelly and penelope. it seemed like daniel, charles and carlos all noticed it even though i also tried to be discrete about it.

"why are you suddenly so upset, will? you were just smiling a second ago, what's up chickadee?" charles spoke up as he got himself comfortable on my bed, immediately grabbing my hand to hold - not for my comfort but for his even though it did make me feel ten times better

"maxie's crying, char but he's trying to hide it even though he's supposed to be getting lunch with mum, kelly and penelope. why won't he cry in front of me or when he thinks i can't see it? i just wish he'd be more vulnerable with me because i always tell him when i'm sad or when i'm scared... so why can't he?" i sighed as all three, daniel, charles and carlos gave me empathetic smiles as daniel takes a big breath in, charles and carlos letting daniel explain

"well, mon chéri, it's slightly complicated because, whilst your big brother hasn't always been the most showing of his emotions, it's different when it comes to you and penelope. he doesn't tend to cry in front of you two because he knows that, one, penelope won't completely understand why mummy's boyfriend is upset but knows something is wrong and two, he knows that if you see him cry that it'll either worry you or question him on why he's crying. he just doesn't want you to worry about why he's crying because sometimes, he's just emotional because of how much he really loves you, penelope and kelly..." daniel trailed off as he caressed my hand comfortingly as i nodded my head, feeling somewhat better 

"...he also wishes that if he could, he would switch places with you. have him be in this bed and sick but, all of us in f1 always tell him that that would have been even worse. we all wish that you didn't have to deal with this. because you always seemed to be given the short straws in life. but, we are all so glad that we still get to have you with us at this very moment, right now. because right now is what's important, okay? not tomorrow, not yesterday, not next week or the next week. today, right now, okay, you understand?" daniel explained as i smiled softly and nodded my head as i then smiled at charles and carlos to reassure them 

a knock at my door then got everyone's attention. my day nurse walked into my room, letting me know that i was being given another dose of treatment. even though i knew it wasn't really doing anything to help me as it used to when i first started it a year ago.

i needed you to stay, but i let you drift away

when eight-year-old willow was first diagnosed, although she needed everyone to stay, she began to drift away. away from her mum, her brother and sister, her niece and nephews and even her bonus siblings. although she didn't want to, she was doing it because she didn't want her family to see her like they were going to. so, before it was to start happening, she made sure to have everyone stay away from her. except, even though she thought it worked, it really didn't work, even though willow resisted at times.

willow's pov

having to hide my treatment from my family, specifically my older sister victoria's kids and penelope for the first couple of months was probably the hardest thing ever. anytime they tried to come into my room to spend time with me, i'd push then away and tell them that i was tired or that i was feeling sick and couldn't spend time with them. which, in all fairness to me, wasn't always a lie since i do have cancer and that makes you feel ill. but, when i did start my chemo treatments, i was beginning to feel a lot better that i could realistically deal with hanging out and chatting with penelope and my niece and nephews rather than entirely and selfishly shutting them out. however, there just came to a point where i couldn't hide the treatments any longer and, one day when it was me giving myself does of chemo, penelope and my sister blue jaye had run into my room. thankfully without my niece and nephews but i digress. before penelope screamed, causing a whole frenzy and literal cavalier of max and kelly, mum and nurses to rush into my room as though something was wrong with me. but, to be fair, i couldn't blame nor be mad at penelope since i don't think any of the kids or my siblings were told that some days, i would be giving myself solo dosages if my regular day nurses weren't available to do it for me. and since it was the first time they had seen me do it, let alone at all and had no idea i was even getting treatment, i understood penelope and blue's fear because i myself wanted to scream when i was told that i'd have to learn to do my own dosages as well.

"...p! willow! is everything okay? why did you scream, penelope?!" kelly suddenly barges in, the rest of the cavalier behind her

only to see that i was calmly doing my chemo dosages calming her down. only for her to turn around and see penelope, holding blue jaye to her chest, hugging each other. the both of them cramped near one of my chest of drawers in the far corner of my hospital room in distress

the moment kelly, max, daniel, carlos and mum saw that, it seemed like their hearts all individually broke. then, immediately, penelope saw max and bolted over to him after giving blue a sweet kiss on her head of hair and handing her over. before she then ran over to her kelly as well. watching it all go down made me feel like i was in trouble since i should have realised that penelope and blue jaye were going to come in and that i should have waited until after they had left to do my chemo doses, not whilst they were walking in.

carlos seemed to notice this and immediately took action whilst mum and max calmed down a sobbing blue jay and whilst kelly and daniel calmed down a sobbing penelope, "oh bebe. willow, ven aquí cariño!" carlos whispered in spanish as he held me as tightly as he could whilst not messing up my ivs and drips that i had attached to me whilst receiving chemo oh, baby. willow, come here sweetheart!

"is...is this all my fault carlos? why p and blue jaye are crying?" i whispered, too scared to speak any louder just in case i would get in trouble as carlos' face nearly collapsed as he shook his head, his eyes sincere

"absolutely not querida darling! it is not your fault at all! whilst you knew that your sister and penelope were coming in to visit you, you didn't know when which was for sure not your fault at all! and it wasn't their fault either. not like blue would understand but they weren't even told that you were taking treatments or that some days you'd be doing it yourself. so don't put that blame on yourself, you don't need that extra baggage, querida. you are not in trouble at all," carlos insisted as i nodded my head, wholeheartedly believing him as he hugged me again as i smiled softly

however, penelope and blue jaye had been comforted enough to where they were able to hang out with me and talk, well, me and penelope did. blue jay just sat in my lap and was being cute. that was until they were quickly ushered out, along with carlos, daniel and kelly when my nurses, mum and max looked devastated. as if they had some sad news they needed to tell me that was going to most definitely be sad. but, to me, the news seemed obvious so it confused me why mum and max looked so upset.

my nurse then started to explain the news in more detail to mum and max. but, because i had already overheard this news and already kind of seen it coming, i tuned out. only tuning back in when max broke down in tears abruptly, apologising to the nurse, mum and me before walking out of the hospital room.

"...i...i am so sorry..." max sobbed out as he then abruptly left, running down the hallway of the hospital floor as i tuned back in

and i was confused as i saw the way the family outside reacted. daniel giving penelope to kelly as he started to run after max.

"...willow, lieverd, heb je iets gehoord wat de verpleegster net zei?" mum then spoke up in dutch as i slowly shook my head no as she took a breath in before smiling, slightly brushing my hair willow, sweetpea, did you hear anything that the nurse just said?

"n...nee, waarom? heb ik iets verkeerd gedaan, mama? waar...waar gaat maxie heen? ik...ik heb hem nodig, mama..." i trailed off as fear engulfed me as mum hugged me before letting go and explaining to me what my nurse had said before max ran off n...no, why? did i do something wrong, mum? where...where's maxie going? i...i need him, mummy

"...oh, engel, nee, je hebt niets verkeerd gedaan...je verpleegster legde ons alleen uit dat de chemo niet meer werkt, dat weet je toch?" mum trembled, her hands resting on my shoulders oh, angel, no, you haven't done anything wrong...it's just, your nurse was explaining to us that the chemo isn't working anymore, you know that right?

i was worried for less than a second before realising that it had been mentioned to me before. even though i did have a sense it stopped working properly as i nodded my head.

"ja... ja, natuurlijk, dat weet ik, het werd mij al eerder verteld," i smiled, obviously not understanding properly as mum gasped out a small cry, stopping herself from fully crying as i looked at her in confusion yeah...yeah, of course, i know that, it was mentioned to me before

"do you understand what that means, willow?" mum looked at me with a sad questioning look, no longer bothered to speak dutch, it took me some time to process it but i slowly nodded my head

"yeah...yeah, it means that it's no longer effectively treating my cancer..." wait, the chemo is no longer effectively treating my cancer... does that mean i'm going to die before i turn ten?

"...wait, umm, nurse, could you...could you please go and find my brother? don't worry about me, i have mum with me, she knows what to do, thanks..." i was trying to comprehend all of this news and it was difficult

yet this hospital and these four walls have been basically my whole life. and especially considering this chemo hasn't been effectively working for ages and only now i've fully realised it?

"...of course willow. as soon as i find your brother, i'll invite him in," the nurse smiled and left with nothing more as i smiled back at her as i watched her leave

"thanks..." i breathed out as she left to find max as it was now just mum and me as she then spoke up

"babe, why'd you send the nurse out to find max?" that was all it took for me to collapse in her arms as i started to panic

"oh, babe, what's wrong?" she reacted, rubbing my back as she hugged me as tightly as she physically could as i slowly started to feel better

"i...i'm scared mummy, i...i don't want to die," i panicked as mum hugged me again and rubbed my back before pulling away, her hands on my shoulders

"darling, you are not going to die. you are going to be absolutely fine. we've only been told the results of the chemo treatments, we also have you in radiotherapy and still haven't been given the results about how that's going. so, who knows, maybe whilst the chemo isn't working, the radiotherapy might be and that's why it could be affecting the chemo results? don't always look on the negative side sweetheart," mum smiled softly, rubbing my shoulders as i nodded my head because she did have a point - we still hadn't been given my radiotherapy results yet

however, in the split second of being comforted by my mum and feeling wide awake, i suddenly felt limp and grew tired. falling forwards into mum's grip, and in a state of pure quick thinking and keeping calm and collected, she hit the emergency button. this then immediately paged one of my nurses to my room.

"mummy...i...i'm tired...i'm...i'm so tired..." i mumbled out sleepily as i felt mum's breathing quicken as she held me after her hand released the emergency button as i weakly smiled

"--nurses to room 452, cancer patient, nurses to room 452, cancer patient..." was heard over the loudspeakers through the hospital floor which i could tell would freak out the rest of my family since they all were aware of my room number

suddenly, doctors and nurses swarmed my room, immediately removing my mum's grip from me as they laid me back down properly on my bed. the last thing i remembered hearing was the nurse screaming, "everyone get out now!"

my love, where are you? my love, where are you?

thankfully, the real reason why willow was tired wasn't that she was about to die. it was just simply because of the chemo dosage. she had accidentally given herself a little too much than she was supposed to. and it was suspected that it happened when the penelope and blue jaye panic situation happened. which, at first worried everyone but, it was quickly levelled properly and willow was fine again. she was now in a deep sleep and in a place of everything being at the levels they were supposed to be. however, willow could tell that her brother was resting next to his sister and silently crying whilst daniel tried to calm him down as kelly and mum took care of the kids.

willow's pov

thankfully, after the scare i had with my chemo dosage, i woke up around four-ish hours later. but, i was keeping my eyes closed, simply resting them whilst max cried into my hand that i had laid at my side as he caressed it. daniel sat next to him and comforted him. even though i was resting my eyes and somewhat awake, i could hear him whisper.

"come on schatje honey, where's all your energy gone? you've never been this tired before, what happened?" he whispered into my hand as i heard him cry as i could feel daniel try to comfort him

"it's not gone completely max. she's just storing it all before using it when she's got all of it. she's still your sister," daniel whispered to my brother as i smiled, he was right, i hadn't gone anywhere

"where is my little girl, will? open your eyes schatje, it's been four hours! what's better up there as your reason to not open your eyes? come on darling, i wanna see your blue eyes!" max started to sob and it broke my heart

everyone knew that max, my brother, wasn't one to be that emotional of a person. it was always obvious as to why but, i won't comment on it. but, now i understood why he always ran away from me when he would start to cry or even get the smallest bit emotional as my eyes started to flutter open. daniel nudging max to look up from my hands. 

"maxie..." i mumbled as i slowly sat myself up, daniel nudging max to look up, when he did he smiled small

"willow...are you okay? is something hurting? are you hungry? do you..."

"...maxie, i'm fine, calm down, please. i'm just tired but, nothing that a splash of water to the face and some food can't fix. i promise i am okay and, to answer your question, even if it was rhetorical, my energy hasn't completely disappeared. it's just halfway full and i'm wanting it to be all the way full before i start using it. and your little sister hasn't gone anywhere, i'm still here max," i smiled as i combed my fingers through his hair as he smiled, it slowly started to reach his eyes as tears welled in his eyes

"i'm never leaving maxie..."

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

willow was slowly starting to deteriorate and it was painful. not in a physical sense but in a mental sense. okay, maybe it physically hurt a little bit but, the girl never said anything because she didn't want to hear her doctors and nurses talking anymore. and she didn't want them giving her more harmful drugs in her system. however, willow's hospice carer and main oncologist, dr phelps realised what was going on. and then told willow's current guests, penelope and kelly to leave so dr phelps could talk to willow in private.

willow's pov

dr phelps knew something was up, he knew i was in pain. physically and mentally. however, this was the first time in a while that he was questioning me about it.

closing the door on max's girlfriend and her daughter, kelly and penelope, he sat down and gave me a raised eyebrow, "okay, come on small one. tell me what's up? there's something going on that you're not telling the rest of your family. so, tell me, what's going on?" dr phelps tilted his head to look at me, i had never felt this weak or small in my entire life as i huffed

"nothing dr phelps, i'm fine," i lied, again

yeah, this was something i had been doing this past month. along with the forcing everyone to speak english since any other language just messed with my head. especially considering i basically only had this month left before i drop dead anyway. so, might as well lie, right? which, when you remember the fact i'm nine years old and i'm saying this, is quite sad

"no, you're not willow. i've been by your side for the entire year and a half that you've gone through this. this is the exact opposite of how you acted so, what's wrong? you know if you don't or can't tell your mum, brother, kelly, the rest of the f1 grid, you can and have to tell me. so, spill, what is going through that little undeveloped head of yours?" although i really didn't want to laugh, dr phelps did always find a way in how he did his consults to make it lighthearted and comedic in the right places as i smiled

"seriously? do i have to?" i joked with a small giggle, acting like the teenager i'd never get to be as dr phelps nodded his head with a half smile

"uh-huh, come on small one. cough it up, what's wrong?" dr phelps smiled as i huffed, explaining everything to him, having no clue that my max and charles had walked past, hearing it all

"i'm tired dr phelps. like, in a way i've never been before and i...i'm so sore. the amount of pain i'm in is so painful it feels like i'm in pain every day. why...why can't it just stop doctor?" i was wanting to cry but, i couldn't because of how unbearable the pain was getting

"i know small one, i know how tired you are. but, are you able to hold on a little bit longer? just a little? i mean, it's almost your maxie's birthday. and, i know for a fact, even though i shouldn't say this, that one of your brother's birthday wishes is for you to be there with the family and sing him happy birthday. you think you could hold on a little longer for that?" dr phelps stroked my cheeks as i shrugged my shoulders - i've gotten so tired that i'm just not so sure how much longer i can continue this fight, even though getting to maxie's next birthday would be amazing

"i...i want to but, i...i don't know anymore dr phelps," i mumbled when i heard a sob muffled by either a hand or someone's shoulder

looking past dr phelps, the door opened, and i noticed max and charles - max crying into charles' shoulder as he tried to once again comfort max.

"i...i'm sorry maxie but, i-i'm just so tired..." my eyes started to close as dr phelps let them know that i was sleeping, i was fine and my heart machine and the others alike were still working normally, i was just sleeping

"...it's alright guys, willow is okay. she's just sleeping, she's not dead," dr phelps smiled as they all nodded their heads, breathing a sigh of relief

"thanks, dr phelps. i think we're okay to watch her now. go and eat something, i'm sure you're starving, thank you again," max whispered as dr phelps nodded his head and left shortly after as i felt max grab my hand

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

willow was on the last stretch of her life before her cancer would take over her life and slowly kill her. she had been spending the last month on hospice treatment at her home in the netherlands with her family, the extended f1 grid family and dr phelps. the thing that hurt everyone the most other than the obvious was how much younger she looked. even though she was still just a kid at nine-years-old. she was weak, skinny and basically unrecognisable. to the point where penelope, blue jaye and the rest of the step-siblings and niece and nephews sometimes couldn't recognise willow. she had just helped her family celebrate her brother's birthday just three weeks shy of coming back home for hospice care. she managed to get healthy enough to sit on her brother's lap at a restaurant and sing happy birthday to him with the rest of the family. however, straight after, willow's health quickly declined and had her bedridden ever since.

willow's pov

i was so tired and weak and i always felt so sick that all i wanted to do was just sleep. however, i knew if i did close my eyes, there was a chance i wouldn't open them again. and that would, no pun intended, kill my entire family but especially my brother. so, for the sake of my brother and the rest of my family, i tried. i tried so hard to keep my eyes open until i physically couldn't any longer.

"hey chickadee, you alright?" daniel yawned as he slowly woke up, charles already awake, nudging max and lando as they opened their eyes as well

for context, these four crazies had been with me all night. whilst mum, kelly and the other f1 drivers volunteered to watch the other children whilst dr phelps could actually sleep through the night properly. because, normally, it's dr phelps that stays with me overnight in my bedroom, not my family.

"mm, i've been better danny but, you know, it's life," i smirked weakley as he gave me a sad smile

max hadn't let go of my hand, i started to stroke my finger against his hand as i gave him a small smile, "maxie, will i be forgotten about?" i mumble as max gasps out, tears slowly landing on my hand

"oh, honey, no, never. you'll always be with me, mum, kelly, penelope and blue jaye. blue and the rest of the siblings and penelope will be told everything about their older sister," he sniffled softly as i nodded my head, barely even able to acknowledge daniel, lando and charles who watched on in devastation

"maxie? i'm...i'm tired. can i go to sleep? when can i go home?" i was so weak and tired, i had never felt so little and like an infant until now

max sniffled again, knowing the "home" i meant wasn't our physical home which my bedroom was in right now. daniel and charles tried to comfort him whilst lando comforted me.

"whenever you're ready, schatje," he cried into my hand as i breathed out softly, a small smile on face

can we, can we surrender? can we, can we surrender?"

it was now coming up to willow's last few days alive. and she was getting even more weaker if that was possible, as the days went on. she was slowly starting to surrender to her cancer and was wanting her brother and the family to do the same thing as well. they didn't deserve this. to have to constantly take care of her every single day when her brother and bonus family were meant to be coming into their next season of formula one. but, it seemed as though since the new beginnings and the cancer diagnosis and everything else with the new formula one season, they were for now extending the break a little longer for max until further notice. sacrificing it all to let him take care of her in her last months alive. willow saw it as something max didn't need, an extra "thing" he didn't need stressing over but he didn't. max saw it as being a hero and just doing what was right. being together as a family a little bit longer before he was away for majority of the year so he could take care of his dying sister. 

willow's pov

today was a quiet day, no one really said anything. as though everyone knew that i was coming to the last stretch of my life. so, max, daniel, charles and lando all sat around my bed. whilst mum, kelly, heidi, alex and penelope/my siblings sat around my room. they were all so upset and it was the first time i had everyone in my room all at the same time since leaving the hospital and coming home. but, it was the first time i had really seen max so upset. sure, i had seen and heard him cry plenty of times but, not like this. and it sucked. i hated seeing anyone upset but none more so than my family, especially my brother. because it made me feel helpless, i mean, more than i already was. i literally couldn't move or do anything to make him feel better. hell, the only thing he wanted was for me to get better but, that was the one thing i definitely couldn't and have failed to do. slowly, the family started to trail out of my room leaving lando with me. they all took advantage of the new starbucks and convenience store that had been built right on the corner of the street we live on. the rest of the family decided to walk over to for some lunch whilst lando stayed back with me as that was the rule. i always needed at least one person to stay with me at all times, day and night.

"wanna know a secret, bug?" lando whispered as i looked up at him, mustering all the strength i had to hold his hand

"what is it lando?" i spoke softly, caressing his hand as he smiled

"i'm scared," what he said was so simple but it was heartbreaking as i nodded my head, believing him

"yeah? do you wanna know my secret?" i whispered as i held his hand slightly tighter as he combed his fingers through my hair as he nodded

"yeah, what is it?" he responded with a smile as i smiled back

"i'm scared too," i gulped as lando nodded his head

but he didn't bring it back up straight away which confused me. until he finally did lift his head back up when a exposed tear that i don't think he meant to release streamed down his cheek.

"oh, lando, don't cry," i whispered, slowly bringing my finger up to wipe it away which makes him laugh softly

"i'm scared, bug, of course, i'm going to cry," he whispered back as i smiled again, my finger that wiped his tear slowly coming back down to rest at my side

"you'll be fine, i promise lando ," i smiled as i fiddled weakly with my blanket as lando hummed

"how do you know, will? you won't be here for it?" he whimpered as i pressed my lips together before bringing my finger up again to wipe another one one of his tears

"i'll always be here lando, you just won't see me," i smiled as he sniffled, trying to look away as i struggled in grabbing his chin to look at me

"i...i'll miss you little bug," lando whimpered as more tears fell down his cheeks, chuckling, not because i was insensitive, thanks dad, not really, but because i was thinking the same thing

"i'll miss you too lando but, it's okay. i'll be the ghost that haunts you in your dreams every night *tearful giggles*. which sounds awful so, maybe not in your dreams but on the track. but, i'll be keeping you - all of you guys - safe. i'll give you signs every single day. if you ever need anything, just call my name, and i'll be there," i whispered to him as he nodded his head

he let his head fall into my arm as i cooed, my hand curving around the back of his head. i. then smoothed his hair to calm him down.

can we, can we surrender? i surrender

just like the day earlier, before willow and her family, said anything, it was figured out that she'd be spending some alone time with charles. in the same way she did with lando yesterday. with charles crying and willow trying to comfort him, soothing him, the nine-year-old suddenly felt at peace. almost as if her surrender was coming to its end. just like yesterday, charles had taken advantage of everyone else going around the corner for lunch. so, this time it was charles that stayed with willow.

willow's pov

"...willow...willow..." whispering to wake me up, my eyes fluttered open and i woke up, charles was sitting next to me

a small smile that barely reached his eyes on his face as he relaxed knowing i was still alive.

"...what's wrong charlie? are you okay?" i mumbled with worry, charles scoffed and shook his head

his lip then trembled as if he was about to cry - oh no, please charlie, don't cry. i feel like all i've seen lately is you guys cry or be sad. this wasn't the first time i had seen charlie cry but it was the first time i'd seen him cry like this. and i just want us to get through a day without someone crying.

"i don't care if i'm okay, are you okay willow?" he responded as i was taken aback - i had never really been asked that question in a while and, i wasn't so sure how to give a truthful answer

"umm...yeah i'm fi--" just as i was about to lie, charles caught me and prevented me even though i think he knew

he knew just like i did, that i wasn't lying on purpose. but because i just didn't know how to truthfully answer the question as he swallowed back a sob.

"--no you're not willow, please baby. don't lie to me, please tell me the truth sweetheart," he choked out as i looked up at him as my lip trembled

"i...i don't know charlie. i'm just...tired...so tired and i..." he cut me off, sobs softly wracking his body as his head fell onto my arm

"...please don't say it willow, please don't say it..." he sobbed as i took in a deep breath, as deep as i could and i whispered it

"...i'm done...i surrender...i'm ready..." i whispered as i fell asleep, my heart machine beating steadily, charles quietly sobbing as he brushed my hair back with one hand whilst the other one wiped away his tears

no one will win this time, i just want you back, i'm running to your side

it continued to come to willow's final days on earth and having one-on-one time with her family. and today, it was with daniel. also the girl when waking up after charles had fallen asleep, started to write some letters for her family. she just hoped they were intelligible enough to be understood.

willow's pov

as i woke up from my short little nap, taking a quick look at my vitals, to make sure i didn't need to scream for dr phelps, i smiled. i saw daniel. with a small smile, with his arms crossed and his feet weirdly crossed as he rested his weight on the side post of my door frame.

"hey goober, am i allowed to enter your counselling room?" daniel joked as i smiled and laughed slightly

this entire time, daniel had been trying to make me laugh and, he finally did it. and, in all honesty, the both of us couldn't have been happier.

"a nine-year-old is qualified enough to be a therapist? nice joke danny *giggles*. but, yes, you may enter, no one is stopping you from entering. as, this appointment is all yours, mr ricciardo. speaking of, what's up daniel, how are you dealing with this?" and yes, it went from zero to a hundred in seriousness quickly

but, it was because it is a serious topic as we both mirrored each other. crossed over arms and small smiles on our faces.

"i mean, i've been better but, i'm alright. but, most importantly, how are you willow? you haven't really cried once, why haven't you cried? you're meant to cry willow," daniel explained, his voice getting shaky quickly as i took in a deep breath and shrugged my shoulders

"i dunno," i shrugged, honestly, i had no idea why i hadn't cried yet

it was maybe because i didn't want to seem weaker than i already am. once again, thanks jos verstappen for that train of thought.

"you've got to know willow, please. before this whole thing became this, you were always crying. almost every day and now it's the other way around, why?" daniel pleaded as, once again, i just shrugged my shoulders

"i don't know daniel, that's my honest response," i shrugged as daniel just bit his lip to stop his sobs from getting too loud - this was the first time i'd actually seen daniel cry and it was really jarring

"just know that you are allowed to cry babe, no one is stopping you. hell, if you need to scream, just scream and we'll all be there to make it go away," daniel softly smiled as he gave me a kiss on the head as he then started to leave shortly after

but, before he could fully leave, i stopped him.

"...daniel, wait..." i called out, daniel stopping and turning around, smiling small

"...what's up bug, you okay?" he asked as he walked back over as i nodded my head but handed him something

"yeah, i'm okay. i just, i wanted to give you these since dr phelps can't take them. before you ask, i wrote everyone a letter as well as added a photo so you really don't forget me. and for the kids and my little verstappens, they have a separate letter even though i know they won't understand it until they're a lot older. and promise me you won't let them read the letters until after i die..." i muttered as i handed daniel the letters, i could tell he was struggling to accept the letters but did so anyway

"of course, i will. i'll make sure we won't forget you. i promise baby girl. thank you, willow," he whispered, kissing my cheek as i smiled as he walked out of my room for the shift change with dr phelps

flying my white flag, my white flag. my love, where are you, my love, where are you?

the countdown on willow's life was really quickly coming to an end and she wanted to make sure she got all the love, hugs and kisses and tears until her last breath. since the verstappen had said her final goodbye to blue jaye, penelope and her nieces and nephews, all of them not old enough to understand properly, cousins, uncles, aunties and parents, she had forced her brother and bonus f1 brothers to slowly get back into the f1 season (mostly max as he was the one that had taken the longest to return back). and this was so they were still working to some degree. and, on one of the days off, dr phelps let willow be alone with her brother and bonus brothers, not wanting to ruin it with them. and, it was comforting for the girl. the only talk between the group was every single memory that they shared together. willow, her brother, charles, daniel and lando were all cuddled up on the bed together.

willow's pov

talking about all the memories i've shared with my brother and bonus f1 brothers is the best way i could possibly begin the end of my time on this earth. max, charles, daniel and lando were all cuddled up together on my bed. thankful that it was quite large so, it was nice being so close to each other because it was truly comforting.

"...oh oh oh! i just remembered another one!" daniel piped out as we all laughed at the tone of his voice - it went high-pitched for those who were wondering why it was funny

"i remember we were being interviewed during one of the press conferences. willow, you were watching from the sidelines but you were so calm and collected that no one knew you were there until the end when it was mentioned. and you threw your hands up in such excitement because it was the first time you were being shouted out whilst being at a interview with us. it was the cutest thing ever and i literally remember that like it was yesterday!" daniel explained as we all smiled as i grabbed my drink bottle to have a drink to disguise an oncoming cough, feeling fine afterwards

"wow, i totally forgot about that dan, does anyone have any others?" lando giggled out as max piped up for the first time in a while

"i have one..." max piped up as we all turned to look at my brother who now looked as though he spends his days crying - which, he basically does at this stage when he isn't head first in the races

"what is it max?" daniel smiled as max took in a deep breath, puling me closer to him as i giggled softly

"when you ran into the parc ferme for the first time. you were waiting behind the barricades with mum and victoria but got too excited that the moment you knew they weren't looking, you took that as your chance...and you ran straight over to me. it was just after you got your cancer diagnosis and before i halted everything formula one. you had been looking forward to that grand prix for so long that no one could even think to be mad at you, not even mum and victoria, when you ran over to congratulate me on my win to give me a hug," max cuddled into me as i smiled -  yeah that was a memory of mine that i remembered and well too

"another one was when me, penelope and kelly surprised mum on her birthday by making her that photo album. even though me and kelly were the ones that made it considering penelope is still young. but it was really cute seeing her reaction and how excited she was to receive it," i giggled softly as max and the other three agreed

just as we were about to continue our trip down memory lane, a knock came on my door. dr phelps behind it as he gave an apologetic look that he had to cut our time together short but, we understood.

"...hey guys. i am so sorry to do this but, i am afraid it is time to hook willow back up to all of her other machines that isn't her life-support machine. but, whilst i'm doing this, if anyone does have any concerns, queries or anything, do feel free to ask. and, if she's able to, willow can help me answer them, right wills?" dr phelps winked as i smiled and nodded my head

"of course, so, any questions?" i smiled softly as max moved away from the bed, as did lando, daniel and charles so dr phelps could hook me up to the other machines again

reason being was for a certain amount everyday, i'd have some time off of those machines, except for my life-support machine. even though i should have been kept on all of these machines, it was only because i was coming to the end of my life that i was taking breaks from the other crucial machines i was hooked up to.

i then noticed that charles had a question and he spoke up, "willow..." he begun as i smiled

"...yeah charlie, you got a question?" smiling at my favourite monégasque, i could tell that charles was going to break his own heart and then everyone else's with his question but i knew he had to ask it anyway

"how long will it take for you to die when all the machines are turned off, not just these ones you're getting hooked back onto?" charles gave me a worried look as i smiled, knowing he was terrified of seeing it with his own eyes

"it depends, charlie. and if i'm right, it could take a couple of hours or an entire day, is that right dr phelps?" i responded, still asking dr phelps for help as he nods his head, letting me know i was correct

"yes, however, whilst we're talking about life support machines, willow can obviously die before we make the decision to turn her off life support if and when we come to that decision. because, sadly, we will have to come to that choice. like anyone on life support, whether it's due to cancer or because they're clinically brain dead or whatever, of course they can succumb to whatever caused them to be on life support to have them pass away before their day of their life support getting turned off happens. it just means the life-support machine will still beep because that's how we'll know that it's happened and we'll still have to turn it off. just, it wouldn't be the main reason why they've passed on, it'll just be that they've passed on before having to manually take her off of life-support." dr phelps expanded and i could tell that nearly took charles to his knees

he managed to compose himself however as he nodded his head and squeezed my hand as i squeezed it back.

"any other questions?" i smiled as daniel took in a deep breath, max staying frozen, obviously knowing the answers to these questions

which is why he didn't say anything, not that i think he wanted to say anything anyway which was fair.

"will it hurt? like, will you be able to feel any of it happening?" another thing that daniel and the rest of my family had been worried about when we were all told that i'd die soon - if it would hurt as i smiled

as dr phelps shook his head, i responded, "not at all daniel, it'll be like falling asleep or as though your blinking but you don't open your eyes to blink again," i smiled as i grabbed a tight squeeze of daniel's hand as he nodded his head

i then looked at lando, i knew he wanted to say something. a way to stall dr phelps from eventually turning off the machines.

so, he did, "how would you feel if we went back to formula one full-time for the next week? would you be okay?" lando said softly as my eyes lit up, nodding my head

"oh my gosh! i'd love for you guys to go back to racing for the new season for the next week! seriously! i can have mum and if you want, you can have the wags and penelope here as well!" i was so excited as i think that released a lot of stress off of not just max but my bonus brothers as well

"well, then, that just leaves us to dedicate this season of formula one to you! and i don't care what you say!" daniel buts in which makes us all giggle

"oh, thank you daniel! you know you didn't need to do that! i love you!" i laughed as daniel hugged me again as he kissed my face

"nope, we're doing it! no matter how many times you refuse it, these races and wins are dedicated to you. we also agreed with the rest of the grid in advance anyway that they'd be dedicated to you so, no take backs!" daniel smiled as i rolled my eyes and smiled

"okay fine, if you feel like you need to, here is my full permission!" i smiled as my brother and bonus brothers cheered, making me giggle

my love, where are you? my love, where are you?

the hectic schedule of formula one was starting to slow down as it was starting to once again reach the end of the season. the races having more than a week or two of breaks in between. meaning that after this weeks race, it was a three week break before returning for the next triple header of races. it was during that race before the three week break before the next triple header that willow stayed alive. when, suddenly, during heidi and kika's (the girlfriends of daniel and pierre) shift of looking after their favourite little verstappen, willow's life support machine started to beat unevenly. that was when dr phelps said that, willow's time had come and heidi and kika had to say goodbye. both girls, of course, freaked out. the drivers were all in mexico for the mexican grand prix, nowhere near monaco. whilst the guys were either in their cars doing the race or the podium ceremony, heidi rang max's team principal, christian horner. telling him that it had happened peacefully and that it would be better if the drivers all returned back to monaco as quickly as possible. just so max and the drivers could fly over to monaco and say their goodbyes to their sister and adopted sister. 

willow's pov

since the last catch up, i managed to keep strong throughout the last few grand prixs for the season of formula one. and today was their last grand prix before a three week break before the next triple header. they were currently in mexico for the mexico grand prix. even though i promised them i'd be alive by the time they finished the mexico grand prix, being well enough to see their next triple header of races. but, i had a feeling that i wasn't going to be able to do that. but, i did not think i'd get to the mexican grand prix and that would be the day it'd happen. as i half slept peacefully, with heidi, daniel's girlfriend and kika, pierre's girlfriend, softly singing to me and cuddling me in bed, my life support machine started to go awol as did my body. straight away, without hesitation, heidi and kika both shot right up, running to get dr phelps. this is it, i'm going to die tonight. i'm scared, heck, what's a word that means the same thing as scared but means even more? i mean, i genuinely thought i'd make it at least, at least, through the rest of the season, not the mexican grand prix!

"...kika, heidi, i...i'm tired, when can i go? i'm so tired," i sobbed, for the first time. wishing the rest of the family were here, so they knew i wasn't in pain

"oh, angel, it's alright baby girl!" heidi soothed, running her fingers through my hair as i weakly smiled

"heidi...kika...when...when can i let...let go?" it was like i was five again when i first seriously injured myself - i felt so young and like i was penelope's or blue jaye's age again as i sobbed weakly

"whenever you're ready baby girl, whenever you're ready," kika this time whispered as i whimpered and then, after another verse of kika and heidi singing, it happened, my life support machine started going, my body going, getting ready to flatline

beep....beep...beep...beep...beep...beep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

i could hear everything. i could hear heidi, kika and dr phelps running to the bed. i could hear heidi screaming at dr phelps to try and keep me alive just for a few hours longer so mum, max and my f1 grid family could see me alive once more. just one last time. however, dr phelps couldn't so, kika got heidi to ring christian, screaming and sobbing down the phone line. grabbing her phone to ring christian horner, red bull's team principal telling him i was gone. hearing heidi and kika cry and scream like that hurt, it felt like i was getting thrown into a wall or getting stabbed near my heart.

"...dr phelps! please! do something! just keep her alive for a few hours longer please!"heidi screamed, sobbing as i could just picture dr phelps and him shaking his head, telling both heidi and kika that he, unfortunately, couldn't and that, it was time to pull the plug

"heidi, kika, please, darlings, i can't. i'm not allowed to, there is nothing more for me to do for willow. she wasn't in any pain girls, you could see that, she is in complete peace. she was happy that you two were with her in her last moments when her family or the f1 grid couldn't be. she couldn't feel anything at all. she was at peace with it, please, i know it is hard but, it's time to let her go you two," dr phelps said softly as kika and heidi's cries got louder and more grief-stricken

"i...i can't let her go, dr phelps! please, just a little bit longer, let her brother and her f1 family fly home to see her, please! let them say goodbye!" heidi cried out as dr phelps just shook his head again, he couldn't, there was nothing else that could have been done to keep me alive - kika struggling to comfort heidi as she was also distraught and sobbing

"i'm sorry heidi but, i have to. are you stable enough to ring christian to let him know so he can pass this information to the guys?" dr phelps spoke calmly but with a tinge of sadness as heidi nodded her head - kika also worried that she wouldn't be able to

"yes," heidi was trying so hard to calm herself down before calling christian as kika remained stuck to her side in comfort 

daniel's pov

the amount of fun all of us drivers were having at the mexican grand prix was insane. but not just me, lando, max, charles and pierre but the entire f1 grid. i genuinely never thought that we'd be able to get this happy considering what was going on back home in monaco with our sister willow and our girlfriend's (pierre and mine) who was looking after her. however, as the race and podium celebrations finished, christian walked over. he looked distressed and panicked. a sheer difference from the joy he had on his face moments ago considering it was a double rb podium with max in first and checo in third, lando coming second. shedding off my fireproofs, i could tell something wasn't right. it looked like the rest of the teams who also knew about willow's cancer and her recent decline in health did too. 

from the look on christian's face, we could all tell it was serious. especially when only just a second ago, lando and charles had made max laugh. the first time the older brother had truly laughed in what felt like forever. but then, in a split second, he was back to his grief-stricken face. 

all of us ran to the red bull garage, including those who weren't racing for red bull to where christian was as he fights with himself as to how he should tell us. max grabs ahold of my arm, which i don't mind. this could very well possibly be about willow. i also snake my arm around his waist and pull him close to me. then, christian dropped the gauntlet and told us when everything just came crashing down around us, not just for max, all of us.

"...guys, before i tell you this news, i want you all to take a deep breath and compose yourselves, okay?" christian begins as max looks at me, without even needing to be told, he already knew what christian was going to say and my heart shattered at the look in max's eyes

"what's wrong christian? are willow, kika and heidi okay?" pierre questioned, hoping they were okay as christian gave a slight shake of the head

"i...i'm sorry guys but, no, she isn't okay. heidi just called me in absolute hysterics. willow was half asleep half awake, both girls, heidi and kika was with her. the girls singing her to sleep and cuddling when, out of nowhere, willow's life support machine went awol. as did willow's body and then it stopped..." hearing that just completed my shattered heart but it obliterated max's heart

he was hysterical and i had no idea what to do. max's legs had almost collapsed from underneath him and i had no idea what to do. so, i just fell down with him, grabbing him just in time and turned his head into my shoulder, his body into mine. and he wept as i rubbed his back, his fingers digging into my back, not caring if it hurt - even though i knew it wasn't going to help him and nothing any of us did was going to bring willow back, it was the one thing i could do to help him control something.

the silence that filled the red bull garage was piercing. it was so painfully quiet as i looked at christian to continue telling us what happened. although i knew max didn't want to hear it, it was just so we had clarity. all i needed to know was if it hurt our little verstappen or not.

"...was...was it painful? like, was she in any pain?" i stammered out as i could feel the tears welling in my eyes stream down my cheeks as i took in a shaky breath, holding max tightly - christian giving me an emapthetic look

"not at all, daniel. heidi and kika were told by dr phelps that it did not hurt at all and that she was in complete peace. she couldn't feel a single thing daniel. i'm now going to tell the other team principals and the rest of the officials for the mexican grand prix. on top of the three week break, if any of you need it, we can push the first race of the triple header by another week so you guys get four weeks off if needed as bereavement leave," christian then announced as all of us drivers just stood in shock as we all looked at each other and nodded our heads 

"thank you christian. thanks so much. we'll grab our stuff and get to the car so we can get to the jets," i gulped as i knew this meant that the whole journey back to monaco, max would be inconsolable and so would the rest of the verstappens (kelly and penelope included)

and that, that made the rest of us feel horrible because we were all in this family. and we were all bonus brothers to willow. 

 𓆩♱𓆪

the drive to the plane and then the plane ride was awful. straight up awful. no one could say anything, not even the songs of the radio in the car or jet could make us sing or get excited. it was as though they knew the bereavement that we had just gone through. as every single song was one sad song after another. max couldn't stop crying, which, we didn't blame him for, whilst charles held him close. whilst pierre and i were told to be kept an eye on by fernando and checo since we were the other two (after max) without our partners since kika and heidi were already in monaco with dr phelps and willow. and carlos was wondering how on earth penelope and the kids were going to be told since they couldn't be kept in the dark. 

finally arriving at the house in monaco, we were all dreading it. seeing all our cars there, telling us that whilst it seemed like it to others, we actually weren't there at all during willow's last moments. then, finally, for the first time since telling us, christian spoke up. letting us know that we had arrived and it was time for us to go inside the house.

"...come on guys, we're here," christian spoke softly, now this was something we were all scared of happening during any of the grand prixs but most definitely the ones out of europe - willow dying and us not being there for her

walking into the house felt strange. it felt eerie and like it was the most obvious thing that someone, a literal child, my adopted sister and my best friend's sister, willow, had just died. i grabbed a tight hold of max. my hand snaking around max's waist as we walked into the house before we saw kelly who immediately went for max. heidi, my girlfriend and pierre's girlfriend kika are the next people we saw. it was so easy to tell that they both had been crying the whole time, just like max. neither girl, kika and heidi, said anything, we didn't need them to. pierre, max and i just included the girls into the hold we had with max and kelly and we just held each other as they cried. i then went up to willow's room quickly to grab the letters before coming back down where everyone else had taken a seat on the couch.

"good that everyone is sat down but umm, i have something i need to give to you all..." i trailed off as i noticed how everyone watched me with such intensity

"...these. willow made me promise her that i would keep these letters a secret and that i would give them to you or even mention them until she died. we have the choice of reading them aloud to each other now or reading them privately whenever you feel ready to do so. there is one for each of us. including penelope, blue jaye and the other little verstappens and max. and along with the letter she added a photo of herself so we wouldn't forget her," i was so calm, except for the little falter when mentioning the letters for penelope, blue jaye and the rest of the little verstappens and it was scary

but, honestly, i think it was nice for them all but max and kelly especially, to have someone to be so calm. i then gulped, grabbing my own letter as well as max's, ours being the two on the top.

"thanks, daniel," max muttered, kelly smiling gratefully as i smiled at the both of them with a small head nod

"of course max," i smiled softly as i then walked out, with the idea to read my own letter privately because i knew i would cry and i didn't want to cry in front of everyone nor set max and possibly kelly off

i mention kelly because even though kelly is only max's girlfriend and not anything else, she still absolutely adored willow. kelly loved willow in the same way she loved her daughter penelope. and i knew kelly would do everything she could to comfort max and the verstappens and help them through this indescribable loss, the same way the rest of the f1 grid will when he eventually returns. 

i watched then as charles walked into willow's room for one last goodbye alongside max, kelly having just stepped out as i stepped in.

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

charles' pov

sliding our letters on the bedside table, max and i were sitting with willow. she looked like she was fast asleep like she was about to wake up from that sleep. tightly holding his sister's hand, max refused to believe it, his eyes looking at his letter. he refused to believe that his younger sister had actually died and done so peacefully. he wanted to believe that she was just going to wake up. holding her hand like he was and watching her like this took him back, all the way back to when he was meeting her for the very first time. and he would have her sleeping on his bare chest. yeah, sorry sophie, sleep time with willow was always going to be a brother/sister thing. except, that wasn't what was going to happen this time. this time, she was nine, staying at that age forever, and max was in his mid twenties, thereabouts and she wasn't going to wake up from a nap and have some quality time with her brother. this time, she was sleeping forever, peacefully. no more pain and suffering. no more crying in private, behind her family's back, even though we suspected it. no more being tired and scared if she was going to wake up the next time or not. this time, willow knew what the true meaning of peace meant. and she was only nine, not allowed to get another year older as the rest of her family would. not allowed to get to watch her family grow up and potentially watch them travel through life.

max's pov

i wasn't ready for this. i was never going to be ready for this day to come. she looked like she was three again, having her afternoon nap. so she could get energised for some more playtime with her brother, which was me. she looked so peaceful like she was sleeping. seeing her like this was a double-edged sword. on one side, made me happy because, like charles' dad herve, she was no longer in any pain and she was now going to live life with herve forever free and in peaceful, painless bliss. however, on the other side, it made me upset. and the fact that she was no longer allowed to have her tenth birthday, or even her eleventh birthday. not even her twelfth or thirteenth birthdays either. she wasn't even allowed to watch her other siblings or penelope or her nieces and nephews grow up in the future. i just wanted my sister to wake up and wipe away me and her family's tears away and tell us that she was okay. that she was going to survive another day with me, with us, her family. for the first time that charles and i had been in here, i spoke up.

"...she...she looks so peaceful charles. like she's three again and i'm still going crazy at the fact that i have another sister," i whimpered out as charles sighed as he rubbed my back

"yeah, she really does max," charles smiled softly as i sniffled, wiping a tear from my cheek as i smiled as well

"i...i always told her that, if she needs to leave, she can do it whenever she was ready. i never wanted her to be in pain charles. neither did mum, victoria or kelly, but, i just wish her ready was our ready..." i choked out as charles pulled me in for a hug as i cried again

"i know max, i know," he whispered repeatedly as i continued to cry

"i...i miss my sister," i sobbed out as i could feel charles tighten as if he was keeping himself from crying in front of me

"have you read the letter that daniel gave you, yet, max? maybe that could help?" charles whispered as i staggered and grabbed the letter

"no, i...i can't. it hurts too much to even look over at it," i whispered, tears stinging my waterline and cheeks as charles smiled small

"it's okay max, i can't read mine either and it seems like daniel can't either. i thought i could but, i really couldn't. maybe we'll read them as a group together in a few weeks, maybe that'll be easier," charles whispered as i nodded my head, just resting it on his shoulder

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

now, max left and it was just charles and willow. it was the next day after being told willow had died. unlike max, charles couldn't find it within him to leave his little verstappen alone for the night. dr phelps had requested at least a week or less from the coroner's before arriving to take willow's body away. charles just couldn't bring himself to leave her in that room on her own. he felt like he was being begged without willow even saying anything for him to stay with her. and, he did. he talked to her and he cried and that was the circle of events that he did throughout the night until he fell asleep. his head resting on willow's exposed and untouched arm.

charles' pov

i just couldn't do it. i couldn't leave willow alone. i just couldn't. unlike max and kelly since they had to continue taking care of penelope and the rest of the verstappen's, i wasn't able to. i felt as though willow, without even saying anything, was asking me to stay with her. so, i just started to talk to her. with that obviously came the crying as she actually couldn't respond. and that just made me upset that i wasn't getting any responses from the little verstappen. which then made me feel weird for talking to the deceased girl. this then kept on going on a repeated cycle until i fell asleep. resting my head on her exposed and untouched arm.

"...it feels so weird without you, mon ange. it's like, i don't know. nothing seems fun anymore. the rest of our f1 season will no longer be properly exciting anymore. sure, it's only been a day since you died but, i've never seen your brother so burnt out and exhausted. i'm scared willow, what are we going to do without you? what are we going to do without you after this f1 season ends?" i cried out, i was truly lost, what were we going to do?

sure, we were stil going strong in this season of f1 with no signs of slowing down but, it was obvious that there were talks of the grid changing and evolving again. but, nothing was fully set in stone yet. we had a great few years as the current grid and we had willow with us for nine of those years. she's literally been with us basically since some of us have started in f1. now she was gone. and it was like we were all having to rebuild our lives all over again after losing our best friend, a similar thing definitely going through max's mind too, since this is the first time he's lost someone so close to him before. 

"please, willow, don't do this to us. we always told you to leave whenever you were ready but, why didn't you understand we meant our ready, not your ready!" i sobbed out once again, crying into willow's clean white bedsheets

"fuck sake! it feels like our little f1 family has just stopped spinning but everyone else's continues to spin around us. what are we going to do? what will we do now?" i couldn't stop crying, it was quite embarrassing. however, i slowly found myself getting tired

"i love you so much willow. whilst the loss of my dad and godfather hurt, and is something i'll never understand for the rest of my life, i'll never be able to understand this. the loss of my beautiful, sweet, forever young baby red bull. god, willow, if you're up there with my dad and jules, please let them know that we love them and miss them," i sobbed out as i felt my eyes close and all of a sudden, i was knocked out asleep, my head resting on willow's exposed and untouched arm

 𓆩♱𓆪

can we, can we surrender? can we, can we surrender? i surrender, i surrender

liked by kellypiquet, landonorris, danielricciardo, heidiberger, charlesleclerc, pierregasly, victoriaverstappen and 12,000k others

maxverstappen1 willow violet verstappen. she was my little sister. and my family got the honour of having her as ours for nine years. and how i wish every single day i open my eyes that willow got to do the same thing and have more than just nine years. ever since the day victoria and i found out we were getting another sibling, we knew the risk but also the pure joy of mum and dad keeping the pregnancy. but, they did anyway and boy are we glad they did. whilst this post only shows me, kelly, penelope and willow, it's only because all the other photos that willow has with the other siblings, victoria's kids and the f1 grid are from their last few days together. and because all the other kids are still so young and don't know what's just happened and the beveravement we've just had, i don't want to share them online, not now anyway. watching my eight year old sister get diagnosed with cancer and then get to see her celebrate her ninth birthday, help celebrate our mum's birthday as well as my own birthday and some grand prix's will always be something we are so grateful for as a family. even though she didn't get to see her tenth birthday and every other birthday after that whilst the rest of us get to turn another year older and meet and watch the other kids in the family grow up for the short time she had with them.  watching little willow go through her cancer and then the short amount of treatment we had her on for, we always told her that whenever she was ready to go, she could go. but, no one who loses anyone to cancer or any terminal illness admits that when they say that statement, they don't mean when their family member is ready to go. they mean when everybody else is ready. and that wasn't any different for me and my family with willow. we didn't want her to leave when she was ready because we knew it would be way before the rest of us were ready. but, now writing this and posting it halfway through this years formula one season, i am so proud of my little sister for letting go when she was ready to. and not feeling like she had to wait for everyone else around her to be ready for her to leave. she knew she wasn't going to be painless unless she let herself go and she has done just that. like i mention literally everywhere and anywhere i can, being your older brother, willow violet, was the best thing in the world for me. and i have no doubts that your mum and other siblings would say the very same thing. we all love you to the moon, the stars and the milky way, schatje. maxie will talk to you soon, sleep tight princess 🤍

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kellypiquet our beautiful little girl. your beautiful mini-me 

maxverstappen1 kellypiquet i know! i remember how upset dad and mum got when willow looked like me 

landonorris breaking my heart here, max! we miss you every day willow 

maxverstappen1 landonorris sorry lando but i can't deal with the feeling of people forgetting her. and i miss her too 🤍

danielricciardo my god, max, when will my tears stop? i miss your cuddles, willow 🤍

maxverstappen1 danielricciardo good question i have no idea and she gave the best cuddles didn't she?

heidiberger all of these photos and more and i still wish she was here so we could take more 🤍

maxverstappen1 heidiberger i know. i think about that every day and my heart shatters

charlesleclerc our sweet willow violet. miss you, mon ange 🤍

maxverstappen1 charlesleclerc 🤍🤍

pierregasly max, this is beautiful. miss you willow 🤍

maxverstappen1 pierregasly thank you pierre🤍

victoriaverstappen oh stop it max! my heart is broken in two 🤍

maxverstappen1 victoriaverstappen i don't want people to forget our sister vic🤍

f1fanatic i cannot even imagine how these last two months have been for you guys. willow was such a sweet little girl. for sure everyone's favourite verstappen! i remember how much she loved victoria's littles as well as penelope 🤍

maxverstappen1 f1fanatic i can't either and then i remember. and she really was, she was such a sweet soul with too much love to carry in her tiny body, especially for penelope and her nieces and nephews 🤍

fin

this took nearly all day to rewrite so please love this please and thank you! also, i legit went back and forth from having this be about child loss or sibling loss so many times when i finally decided sibling loss cause i couldn't have it within me to have max be an actual biological dad to a daughter and then have the kid pass away. so, for part two, i'll have the timelines change a little so when she's older, it's still the same f1 grid like it is now in 2024 but no ages have changed? if you know what i mean...

[rontra]

drop your ffxiv lore

asking me to drop my pants in public would be less embarrassing..... you have to understand crucially that i don't know anything about anything and dont want The Knowers to see me

LMAO well i can talk about it a little but only on One Condition. as i mentioned before im a Certified Stormblood Gamer . in fact according to the wiki i am about this deep (level 64 questing atm)

so basically the condition is this: if something wasn't explicit in ARR or HW you cannot under any circumstances talk to me about it...! if you have any sort of reaction to this post that has to do with any later material than that i ask you Don't say it to me. if you are in doubt about whether something "counts", the safe answer is yes it does, and just going "neat!" instead & moving on will do fine. i really don't want to play spoiler chicken with you and don't want to know anything i don't already know. i'm enjoying taking my time with the game, so please refrain from correcting or corroborating anything i have to say about it atm!!!!!!! i'm still baby! thank you....!!! 😭👍

anyway my xiv characters are 1 a dude who was born in a wet cardboard box all alone and might be scared of women . & 2 a scary woman who did definitely kill her wife but is also the most Wife Guy for like secret reasons. the second one's lore is being ironed out as we speak so its all subject to change but the concept is there

1. ZT

love this guy. i even made an amv about it when i finished arr

(every xiv player voice) my wol is the most special boy in the world.

i actually had a whole thing typed up here about like his fucked up mom and whatever but i got shy and deleted it. i might go over it if someone's actually interested . but basically he's a poor little meow meow who, up until the beginning of the game, was abused pretty consistently bc of [evil cat people family dynamic reasons]. his family members mostly hate his ass and were rarely all that nice to him, so he has a lot of issues with self-worth and things like that--he doesn't feel like he's particularly good at anything or really "worth" much

he's from southern ilsabard which is a place i uh do not know much about. as a stormblood gamer. but it's fine the details don't really matter (walking away quickly)

his most prized childhood possession was the ruined scraps of an old arcanist's tome, and through sheer tenacity he managed to teach himself his first rudimentary spell from the incomplete paragraphs therein. he mostly chalks that feat up to the fruit of Time + Boredom and not talent or love, but those pages were the only thing he took with him when it finally came time for him to follow his older brothers' footsteps and leave the family.

gets on the boat. goes to limsa. enlists in the arcanists guild to cultivate what he sees as the One Single Skill He Has. people in the guild ???praise him??? and encourage him?? to keep at it??? which he is not at ALL used to, but it motivates him to work even harder at his training. he's pretty far from home and deeply unsure of himself, but he absolutely does not want to go back to the limited world he knew until now. so that unwillingness to look back sort of inherently keeps him trucking in search of a new purpose to latch on to

he's very sensitive to people being niceys to him, because he's not used to it at all. he's 4x weak to it and might cry if it's coming from an older woman who is even vaguely maternal, due to his horrific mommy issues. also, he wants to be useful to people ("for once"), so he has a hard time saying no to all the million quests and sidequests in the game. perfect

his inability to say no to people who request his help puts him on the Old Nymian Scholar Investigation Mission of course. i am Scholar Guy for a reason and that reason is ZT. this dude never had anything his family valued, and lived as the expendable runt of the litter his whole life, and now is suddenly entrusted with something important for the first time in his life--something bigger and older than him, a way of life, a legacy to uphold and carry forwards into the future

and that mantle is pretty heavy. but he'll carry it! and that's how he becomes a healer boy who will defend any random tonberry with his life. he feels very strongly about the extinct art of the scholars and also about being a healer in general--boy finally found his calling! also he has the echo and is our funny warrior of light but like that's fine. i'm sure the "not being able to say no to people, no matter how tired/hurt/etc he himself is" thing is not catching up any time soon. i did play DRK up to 60 though and lmao. well. hang in there. i even made an amv ab

there's some more stuff about him like how his path through eorzea and as a healer specifically is in lockstep with death at every turn and also how he's a blue mage on the side and whatever but this is long enough. here's a pic of him with one of my favorite "no one else gives a shit about this character" npcs

he's a pretty kitty and very sweet altho he does need to learn to assert himself (and starts doing so through the course of the game). he's very attached to his friends. he doesn't have any love interest or w/e for now he's figuring his own stuff out. gaining confidence. classic stuff. easy protagonist recipe. my meow meow. i played pvp just to get him a haircut. the things i do for zt

2. KRALJICA

the new baby. kraljica is not her original name, but she's never going to use her original one again. her surname is Radinasch, which used to be Aradina, before she killed her own queen who may or may not have been also her wife (ofc by hrothgar convention she then changed her surname to represent the loss of her queen) (despite being the killer) (it's a memento :) )

she is a bozjan hrothgar so we're back to ilsabard shenanigans (which remains kind of problematic for a stormblood gamer, but It's Fine). she actually knows ZT's mother, but not in a good way. Radina's group was in local political tension with ZT's mom's group, so there's some history there (notably in that kraljica would recognize ZT as "zahsa's runt" (derogatory) and not be very nice to him about it, but they don't really share a Personal history beyond the Faction Squabbles)

back to the point though, kraljica killed her queen, and most of the other followers of said queen were not very happy about that. killing the queen is like really high up on the list of things hrothgar do not want you to do. so she is branded queenkiller and exiled. some of the other hrothgar choose to follow kraljica out (having faith in her leadership for various reasons), making her their new queen as they venture to eorzea together (and all of their surnames become akraljica to match).

kraljica takes the surge of enmity against her as a natural consequence of what she did, and doesn't correct anybody who identifies her as a queenkiller in her journeys. she basically does not care about her shattered reputation or having to leave her home, because she is on, a secret, Other Scheme.

what they don't know of course is that radina asked her to do it. for scheme reasons. #women

kraljica is acting in accordance with radina's will. not even her own loyal followers know what her plan is, but they can clearly tell she has conviction; even when being hated by her people and ousted from her home, kraljica moves with that same inexhaustible willpower

(maybe she has questions, when she's alone, and wonders how much radina kept from her in the final days. and maybe she misses and mourns her. but all of that is only for her, in private, when no one can see... in front of the others, she's unflinching, and a leader they will follow no matter what...!!!)

she doesn't seem to have the echo and isnt a warrior of light. ZT can do that stuff. she's like busy with her own thing. she's running around collecting suspicious amounts of aether and being suspiciously driven and faithful to her cause. suspiciously

ok fine it's because radina asked her to cut her loose from mortality, venerate that, and bring her back as a primal. because she wants to become a war god strong enough to take revenge on the empire. something that will keep coming back, no matter how many times it's destroyed, as long as her chosen can still call for her....<3 that's so romantic

of course, what returns will not be radina-the-person. it will be an image of her will, shaped by kraljica's mind and the bloodpool of radina's aether. radina is dead for good; what kraljica is summoning is a representation of radina's goals and dreams, fueled by pure belief and a lot of aether. That Which Resembles Wife But Is Not will cast one megaflare for every minute of suffering inflicted upon bozja. (speaking to the empire thru a megaphone) this is your final warning

their summoning is pretty unorthodox and and "partial" (the primal does not manifest a corporeal form at this time, but it is certainly present in its vessel to some extent)--the game already allows a few different quirky summonings, so we're just playing calvinball and making up Another Special Case (this time owing to the specific setup and execution of radina's plan, her and kraljica's synchronicity about the whole thing, kraljica's unique position in her life, and some sprinkles of Rule Of Cool to taste) . imo the game is flexible enough about it that putting in Just One More Weird Summon Strat is not gonna break anything (LMAO) so it's fine <3

all you have to do is write in a side character who goes "but! that's not possible..." while the thing is happening in front of them

anyway suffice to say no one is doing it like radina's weird ass, and she couldn't do it without her wife guy who is willing to do whatever she wants. suffice to also say that kraljica's own aether is noticeably Weird and over-aspected by her beloved primal, and that "radina" (that which resembles wife but is not) Could Be lowkey tempering her right now and nobody would even notice it because her goal and the primal's goal are already one and the same. but that's probably fine. radina would never do that to her <3......

unless of course there are things about her even kraljica never understood. but surely that wouldn't happen

its really hard for other people to get a grip on kraljica because she won't let anybody close to her emotionally and she definitely won't spill the beans on radina's secret scheme. her boys are with her no matter what (#hrothgang) (they also picked up a viera whose city name now includes "akraljica" hahaha). other people are just like um that is a shady lady who is casting spells we dont even know how to classify. scary. also she's got a situationship with a nasty bandit milf (my friend's hrothgal<3) so we better just leave her alone. bad vibes all around

radina was a gunbreaker. kraljica is very good at manipulating aether and a strong fighter too, but i havent rly settled on a canon class for her. because her actual "canon class" is like. "a summoner from a hypothetical Other FF game. not even a specific other FF game, just Very Much Not This One" LMAO

she would just be like ah its um secret ancient arts from my homeland . you wouldnt know her. shes from a different continent. not like how they do it in limsa. not at all. goodbye (walks away mid conversation) and the arcanists could not stop her. like

anyway i'm not used to playing a female char so i keep getting distracted by her breasting boobily around. they dont let ZT jiggle like that so how was i to know... and basically, so-called free thinkers when dalmascan draped top 👇

she almost had a different face marking way back in the benchmark character creation era, but looking at it now it looks so weird without her big X . like who is that

(metian vest so important for the shoulder bulk... not gonna lie)

anyway kraljica would hear about the final aeon from ff10 and be like that's fucking right.

[moved--accs]

glowing | lee know.

You know that your feelings for Lee Minho were past a simple crush at this point–you really couldn’t bring yourself to date other people without the constant thought that they’re not him haunting your mind. But somewhere between sly smirks and stolen glances, you knew he was intrested in you too. You also knew your brother would absolutely hate seeing his little sister with one of his best friends, but Minho won’t tell if you don’t.

Best friend’s brother!Minho, female reader. ~8.2k words.

WARNINGS: smut, fingering (female receiving), oral (female receiving), very slight dom!minho i guess, one thigh slap, minho spits in reader’s mouth (i’m sorry), penetration, squirting and unprotected sex. MDNI.

Author’s note: this was requested by cait !! i love you cait !! tysm for sticking around for so long, it means the world to me <333 i really don’t know how i feel about this one since it’s my longest oneshot yet, but i hope everyone enjoys it :) also, if you like listening to music while reading, bad idea by ariana grande really helped me settle the mood for this. reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! 

To you, Minho is a force of nature. His stance alone demands attention in every room he walks into: sharp and seemingly judgy eyes tear people apart in the matter of a milisecond, then a sudden shift of countenance would offer a sweet, charming smile at them. But never to you. He carries a couple of years more than you on his back, experience and maturity seem to bleed through every interaction you have–promptly, and unknowingly, putting you in your place whenever you two exchange a simple, two-second glance with each other.

To you, Minho is magnetic. It seemed to be a shared secret, those glances you stole from each other. You only ever were in the same space when your older brother called his friends over, half a dozen bodies always in the way of your favorite activity–catch him looking. The way he never shied away always made you shiver. You tell yourself you broke eye contact so quickly because you were afraid someone would catch on to this ongoing staring contest, but really, you don't think you can handle to watch the smirk grow on his lips without tripping over nothing. Minho never smiled at you. It was never sweet–every single time he acknowledged you felt like a dare. With avoidant eyes and shaky hands, you played into every single one of them.

"I can drive her, man. It's no big deal." He told your brother–who was locking your home's door behind him–but his eyes didn't leave yours.

Your brother often invited you to hang out with his friends, so when he randomly showed up in your room asking if you'd like to join them for a night out, you had no reason to say no. The thing is: all the seats in your brother's car were already taken by his girlfriend and her friends, who were currently already getting comfortable in his vehicle. Minho's eyes are locked in yours, his black hair glistening blue in the moonlight making him look a bit more intimidating, much more inviting. The smirk in his lips is a telltale–as if he's challenging you to say no. You could get an Uber to the party–you know that–or you could simply tell your brother to politely ask one of his partner's friends to find another ride. Maybe that would come off as a bit rude, but you know he'd do it for you. You could even sit in one of the girls' laps, that's not unusual. He knows that, and he's looking at you as if your head is transparent, and he can see all of the cogs putting in the work.

"Are you sure? GPS is saying it's kind of a long drive, and I know you'll want to drink when we get there."

"I'm fine with taking her as long as she prefers getting an Uber or something." Minho says, turning to your brother for a brief moment, "It's up to her, really."

Forty minutes is not that long, but you know it would feel like ages.

"What do you say?" Your brother turns to you.

You've never been fully alone with him before, jumping from that to spending such long time by yourselves, in his car, seems suffocating. Too secluded. Too private. You feel the familiar shaking in your hands as they run down your skirt, straightening them.

"Fine by me."

You know you're staring–for some reason, you don't mind. Minho's eyes are focused on the road before you, midnight blue hair split in the middle, giving him a much bolder look than his usual fluffy bangs. The reflection of the city lights make his skin glow–iridescent glimmers of yellow, white and green paint his face–allowing you to get a full glimpse of his expression only for brief seconds.

He doesn't mind that you're staring either–his eyes find yours in a quick shift, a chuckle escaping his lips.

"You're not that bold when your brother's around."

You can feel your stomach turning. Straight to the point, then.

"Neither are you."

The man scoffs, looking out the window before replying. "You wouldn't be either if you heard how protective he is over you."

"I'm grown."

His head fully turns to you for the first time throughout this exchange, the empty road before him forgotten for a couple seconds. Minho's eyes shamelessly linger on your thighs as they travel up your body, until his gaze meets yours. He clicks his tongue, smirk growing on his lips right before his attention turns back to the road. "I can see that."

Effective as always, the words start fumbling in your brain as you struggle to form a coherent thought–you had to talk back. Anything.

"You're always staring at me. When you come over." Your voice is so quiet you wonder if he can hear you over the hum of wheels against concrete.

"Does that make you uncomfortable?"

"No," you reply immediately, looking at him. "not at all."

He nods, humming. "Do you like how I look at you?"

Minho seems nonchalant, but also a bit expectant. The butterflies in your stomach seem like they won't allow you to answer nothing as witty as you had hoped.

"I do. You can... keep doing that."

He quickly looks at you again, smiling. "I can?" The car feels airtight after the next words lowly leave his lips. "Would you mind if I did something other than just look?"

Careful, quiet, expectant. If you stroke a match, the whole car would light on fire. "Weren't you worried about my brother?"

Your eyes are focused on the road, but you can hear the click of his tongue, "I won't tell if you don't."

The music is loud, and although enjoyable, you really can't bring yourself to focus on the party. The culprit was quick to lose you as soon as you both got to your destination, letting you know he was looking for your older brother. It seemed as if the group had gotten completely lost within the drunk crowd, and you were putting on an effort to not care about his absence, what he was doing, or who he was doing it with. But still, you could look for your brother. If Minho happened to be hanging around him, that would be purely a coincidence.

Still, your ego wouldn't give in. 'Enjoy tonight, forget about him. Dance like he's not watching–you'd get too shy if he was. Maybe I should drink, I'd feel more comfortable dancing. But I wanna stay sober tonight, though. Just in case. Forget about him.' It felt like the hardest you tried to empty your mind, the more Minho would plague it. You always feel like there's a pair of sharp eyes on you, even though you haven't seen him since you walked into this party. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, it probably was. Still, each time you sway your hips, you picture this specific set of eyes on you, studying your movements. You could feel it in the back of your neck, disappearing just in time before you turned around to catch him. If you were drunk, at least you'd have an excuse to think the way you are right now, but your only frail attempt of an excuse is how much you want him.

As it turns out, it seems like you were way too busy not looking for Minho to notice his presence before his breath touched your cheek, hand on your hip as he swayed behind you. "You're watching people walk in and out of this room like a hawk." You feel his gaze burning on your profile. "Who're you looking for? Wooseok?" He chuckles as you dramatically roll your eyes at him, "He sure as hell has been looking for you."

"I didn't even notice him, so..." Your stare back at him, immediately locked in a trance. His dark eyes seem to suck you in, everything else in the room drifting away when you focus on them.

Minho hums, bringing your back closer to his chest. "Of course you didn't." You don't fight against the way he spins you around, pressing your chest against his, lost in a sea of bodies touching each other. "You don't have eyes for anyone else, do you?"

Somewhere in the distance, too far away from the reality which Minho has sucked you into, you think you hear Wooseok calling your name. You can't really tell, though. Not when Lee Minho is looking down at you like that. Reality creeps it's way back into your mind when the man's head shoots up, apparently spotting his friend in the crowd. Minho backs up, meaning to leave the scene before he arrives. "You said you like it when I watch you." He says. "Put on a show."

Wooseok's hands are on your waist, his chest to your back. You're pretty sure he whispered something as he squeezed your hips, but you didn't quite catch it–Minho was leaning against the wall, eyes dead set on you. The poor lighting makes his gaze more intimidating as he brought a cup to his lips, eyes never leaving you. Slowly, his focus switches from your eyes to your neck. Your body rolls against the boy behind you, making sure your ass didn't touch his crotch. The only person you wanted to touch you like that is currently looking at you from across the room–his countenance seeming more and more annoyed the more you seem to enjoy Wooseok. It's your turn to smirk at him–for the first time ever, you're the one setting the game's rules. You keep your attention on Minho as you throw your head back on Wooseok's shoulder, letting him kiss down your neck.

How silly to think he'd hand the control over to you for this long. Minho brings his phone to his ear, sweetly smiling at you as he speaks. You keep dancing with the clueless boy behind you, putting on your best show for the man before you. He no longer tries to hide how long he admires your cleavage, jaw clenching each time Wooseok's hands would try to wander over your body. You'd stop him just before he reached your ass or your chest just to give Minho enough time to react–to watch the genuine annoyance on his face as someone else touched you. The butterflies in your stomach flap their wings violently at the indication that the man might be thinking about how he doesn't want no one else with their hands on you, the mere possibility of making him jealous starting to take over your consciousness. Suddenly, Minho smiles sweetly again. Way too sweetly. Before you can react, Wooseok seems to have been snatched off of your body–the heat of his back disappearing abruptly.

"Are you fucking serious, Wooseok? Out of all the people in this party?!" Oh, of fucking course. You can see Minho starts to laugh before you turn around, immediately approaching your brother. Wooseok stumbles, trying to regain balance after your brother pushed him off of you.

"Hey, hey. Calm down, alright?" You maintain you eyes focused on your brother, guiding him away from Wooseok.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, man?! What was that for?!" You weren't worried about an actual physical fight happening–you know both of them, and you know they wouldn't take it that far. Still, the way Wooseok raises his voice at your brother startles you.

"You're really gonna act like you don't know what that was for?"

Even though you were standing right in front of him, your brother's eyes were focused solely on the boy. "Hey, he wasn't doing anything by himself, alright?" He looks down at you, jawline clenched. "It's not a big deal."

"You don't need to pull shit like this. She's an adult, man."

"And you don't need to act like you're not always trying to pull my sister."

"What if I am? What the fuck does that have to do with you?!"

"Hey, hey, hey." Minho appears from Wooseok's side. He had a small smirk on his lips that didn't quite match the situation at hand. "Is everything alright? What's going on?"

"Nothing new, Min. He just can't keep it in his pants whenever she's around." Your brother says, gaze not budging from Wooseok's face as he tilts his head towards you.

"Chill the fuck out, alright? You're making me sound like a creep."

"I don't care. If you go after your friend's little sister you're a fucking creep."

You watch as Minho intervenes, calmly talking to both men as he attempts and succeeds to settle their nerves. His eyes switch from one side to the other, persuasive as always, convincing both of them to let it go. Your brother seems defeated when he finally turns to you. "Are you alright?"

You roll your eyes at the question. "Why wouldn't I be? He wasn't doing anything wrong."

"I don't know, you just seem tired."

"Well, yeah, obviously. This whole thing was stressful. I'm just glad nobody here gives a fuck to make a scene out of it." You sigh, looking over the crowd with crossed arms. "I'm done for tonight, though. I think I'm going home."

Your brother's demeanour is drastically different from earlier–puffed chest turned to slump shoulders, clenched jaw turned to a frown. You would feel sorry for him if this whole fiasco didn't affect directly the one thing you want so badly to happen tonight. Sure, Minho only snitched because he knew your brother's reaction would be bad–but you wonder if it was somehow worse than he imagined, if this whole headache was worth it. If you were worth it. All you know is you'd argue with your brother a million times if it meant Minho would touch you.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I can give you a ride." You're about to deny your brother's offer, but Minho never loses a single opportunity.

"Really? You wanna leave already?" He asks the boy.

"Not really. I wanna stay. But if I ruined the night, then-"

"You can stay, man. I can take her. I was about to head home, anyway."

"He's right." You're learning how to follow his lead. "I don't want you to leave because of me."

Your brother looks at Minho and then at you. The air the three of you share seems heavy all of a sudden, the forced proximity due to the push and pull of the crowd suddenly suffocating. But then, your brother smiles. "I really owe you one, man."

Minho's touch on your wrist as he guides you out of the party lights your skin on fire, anticipation eating up your nerves. You wonder if you'll make it to his house at all–you hope you don't. You hope he gets so desperate to touch you he doesn't care who's seeing, you hope he fucks you in his car and when you get to his house and when you wake up the morning after.

But that's just wishful thinking–that's your brain and your anticipation and your yearning yelling at the top of its' lungs, begging for the man who's leading you down the street to look your way so he can see the sheer desperation in your eyes. But Minho's not like you at all. And he's not like the million versions your mind made him out to be, either. Minho is cool, collected. Years of being around him and you've never seen him lose composure, and your gut feeling tells you you won't see it tonight.

Charming as always, he opens the door to the passenger seat when you finally reach his car. You can hear your heartbeat in your ears as he starts driving, waiting for him to give you any sign of a confirmation that this is really going where you think it is.

"You look nervous." His hair was messy from how much he pushed it back throughout the night–repeating the motion now, eyes fix on the road, a few buttons now loose on his shirt. He looked more relaxed and it blew your mind how he managed to end the night looking better than how he started it. "There's no need to be. I can just take you home, if that's what you want."

"So... that wasn't the plan all along?" The breathiness of your voice, or perhaps the words that were attached to it, make the man chuckle, quickly stealing a glance from you.

"The plan is whatever you want it to be."

The car falls silent, his open invitation hovering over you as the street lights colour the beautiful boy beside you like a blank canvas. You wondered how on earth your body was able to prevent itself from lighting on fire–you could feel your fingertips burning with pure want, skin attracted to his like magnet. As every inch of your being desperately tried to keep your composure, you were able to mutter an answer just above a whisper. "I just-" You swallow the lump in your throat, "I'm waiting for a green light, Min."

You both know that's bullshit, and Minho's smile proves that. You have been known he was interested in you, but the sheer intimidation you felt every time he looked your way had you convinced that you would never, in a million years, make a move on him. Minho can't help but find it adorable–the way you'd squirm in your seat to avoid looking at him, hands fidgety every time he talked to you, eyes shaky every time he caught you looking. Your body language was screaming for him every second he was around, but this drawn out torture was too delicious for him to just give in to without watching you struggle first. He smirks to the road ahead of him, chuckling before replying. "You have one now. What are you gonna do with it?"

You whimper, and his eyes switch to you for a moment as fast as lighting. "Can't you just..." You trail off, hips settling further on his passenger seat.

"Can't I just...?"

"Make things easier for me?"

He chuckles, "And where's the fun in that, pretty?"

Your body leans slightly towards him before you can process it, desperation finally catching onto your sanity. You're doe eyed as your torso turns towards his direction, demanding attention which he, obviously, doesn't give you. "I want you to take me home, Min."

"I'm doing that."

"No, I-" your heart beats so loud in your eardrums you can't really hear the next words leaving your mouth–that might be the sole reason why you were able to say them. "I want your hands on me."

His hand immediately lands on your thigh, groping the flesh as he hummed, focus still on the road. Your foolish heart soars at how fast he reacted, and even though your shaky voice leaves you in no position to tease him, you can't help yourself. "You seem eager."

He raises an eyebrow when he looks your way, detaching his palm from your skin and tracing his fingertips up your inner thigh until your breath hitches in your throat. He chuckles at your gasp, hand now gripping your thigh again. "Do I?"

Your legs spread instinctively, making the man hum in satisfaction, stealing a glimpse of your thighs every once in a while. As he gets bolder, you get more desperate–the anticipation making your cunt flutter around nothing, watching as his fingers get closer to where they belong. You quietly whine his name when his hand slips under your dress, middle finger tapping your clothed core. He laughs at you as his other hand turns the wheel. "You don't know how long I've been wanting to get you like this- all shy and whiny for me." He explains, finger tracing your clothed slit ever so slightly, feeling the fabric dampen. "Did dancing with Wooseok get you this excited?"

You stutter when you reply, unable to look away from his hand moving on your crotch, "No, no. I- kept thinking about you."

He nods, an understating hum settles on his throat, voice as calm as ever. "That's why you kept looking at me? Wish it was me dancing with you instead of him?"

"Yeah, you... I always think about you, when I feel like this..." You can't help squirming when he applies more pressure to your clit, circling the nerve with the tip of his finger.

"Then you know it should've been me touching you like that." A whine almost escapes your throat when you hear the hint of possessiveness in his tone.

"I didn't let him touch me, though." You admit. Minho's eyebrows shoot up, wordlessly questioning you. "He was really close, but his body wasn't really... Touching mine. My back was against his chest, but that's it." You know you don't really owe Minho an explanation, but you've always felt this need to let him know he's the only one who makes you feel drunk in desire. You want him to know he shouldn't worry about competition because he doesn't have any.

When these words reach Minho's ears, his fingers push your underwear to the side, spreading your wetness through your slit. A reward. "This is all me, then?" He says, referring to your arousal. "It's all for me?"

You nod as you take deep breaths–trying to accommodate your body to the foreign feeling that is having his hands on you after wanting him for so long. You can feel shivers awakening all across your skin and you can only hope he won't tease you for it, knuckles hurting from gripping the cushion beneath you. "Yes, you know I only have eyes for you."

His focus doesn't detach from the road when he smiles, fingers swiping the wetness from your slit directly to your clit, quickening the pace. Your hips keep stuttering despite your efforts to keep them in place, he notices your eyes rolling to the back of your head as it turned to the window–even though he wasn't looking at you, you still felt the need to hide from his eyes.

"You won't be able to hide when I get you under me." His calm voice comes out as a purr, a hum vibrating on his throat as his finger's pace stays consistent. "Gonna spread you out in my bed and make you keep your eyes on me as I fuck the shyness out of you." You shut your thighs around his wrist, making him force them open and earning a slap to your inner thigh. Your head spins as you let out a groan, legs parting as far as they physically can for him, hips rising from the seat slightly when his touch finds you again. "Stop squirming." He says, tone noticeably more demanding than before.

You struggle to reply through compressed moans, "I'm sorry, I can't- 's too much."

"Too close?" He asks as your thighs start to shake, and you pray to whoever might be listening to please, please don't let him stop.

The confirmation comes out in hurried whispers. "Yeah, close, close."

"Already? So easy to please, pretty." The embarrassment tensing your muscles gets mixed with pleasure. Your eyes shut tightly, head thrown back on his head restraint, focusing on the feeling of his fingers and getting high on the sound of his voice. "Hope you can take a couple more rounds."

With that, Minho's ministrations become quicker, rougher–his middle and index finger making a mess of your arousal all over your clit, careful to not let his pace relent when you start moaning for him, thighs shuddering around his wrist.

Even though you were able to feel your orgasm slowly creeping up on you, it's intensity gave you whiplash. Minho's presence was the only thing tangible in the back of your mind as your hips bucked against his hand–mind so clouded your loud moans felt distant as your body squirmed in place, heat flowing through your skin.

The car feels like it’s reached forty degrees when you manage to get the feel of your limbs back, window beside you completely fogged by your laboured breathing. Minho's hand is still in your pussy, leisurely coating your arousal through your folds. You miss the way he smiles when he eases two fingers into you for the first time, head thrown back once again as your mouth drops open. A whine of his name makes him chuckle once again.

"Don't worry, I'm not making you come again until we get home." He says, barely above a whisper, taking a moment to watch his fingers slowly pumping in and out of you. "Just wanna feel you for a bit."

You don't know how long the torture lasts until you reach Minho's place–the car ride felt entirely too short but unnecessarily long. He kept his fingers curled upwards, switching from hard, slow pushes to quick ones–leaving just his fingertips inside to slowly push them in again, massaging your cunt to quickly pulling in and out of you so fast you knew his wrist would be sore by the end of the night, but Minho didn't really seem to mind. In fact, he almost looks bored–lazily averting his gaze from the road to look your way every now again, breaking into a smirk every time he stilled his fingers buried deep inside of you when you sounded like you were having too good of a time.

When he parks, Minho nonchalantly brings his fingers, that were inside you a millisecond ago, to his mouth and starts licking them clean as he picks up his keys and phone with his free hand, then hops off the car.

Your headspace is cloudy, but you’re present enough to register him opening the door for you and taking you by the hand, leading you inside the building.

When he finally kisses you, Minho is gentle. The warmth of his covers beneath you is almost as comforting as the softness of his pouty lips carefully meeting yours–months upon months of yearning finally ceasing. Although he already made you cum, although you enjoyed all the crude things leaving his lips–this is what you were really longing for. Suddenly, whatever happened in his car just a few minutes prior is forgotten–the butterflies in your stomach soaring as you open your mouth for his tongue to make home. 

Minho cups your cheek, thumb stroking your skin as his lips move against yours–the weight of his body pinning you against his mattress. His hand on your jaw helps him control the kiss as you follow his lead, soft hums of satisfaction coming from both of you the longer Minho’s tongue insists in tasting yours. You don’t know how long he kisses you, you don’t know how long your eyes stay closed. Your body feels as light as a feather when his hands start caressing your sides, lifting your dress up to your waist.

You're pure heat when Minho's hands palm your ass, kneading the skin as his kisses lower their way from your lips to your neck. You shudder under him, sighing to the feeling of him biting, then lolling his tongue over the bruise–almost like he purposefully wanted to leave a mark. Several marks. Minho easily restrains your attempts to squirm away from his mouth, relishing in your needy whines as he kisses lower down your body–smirk permanently stuck on his countenance growing wider each time your fingers, which were lazily massaging his scalp, tugged on his locks.

Minho gulps when he finally allows you to separate from him and take off your dress–his focus now entirely on your bare torso laying back down before him. His cock twitches in his pants, which suddenly feel way too tight and less appropriate to the situation at hand. He practically drools as he positions himself between your legs–both elbows planted on the bed as he gripped each side of your thighs. Minho realizes that if he has you under him, he's way too far gone to notice anything else–quiet cries and whines that sneak their way out of your lips ring loud on his ears, making him all the more eager to have you fucked out of your mind–pretty mouth constantly hanging open, unable to suppress all the sounds he yearns to hear.

A moan escapes your lips when you realize where he's leading this, but you can't help but protest, hips stuttering in his hold. "I want you inside, Min."

He hums in agreement as he slowly kisses up your right thigh, low voice muffled by your skin. "Gonna make you come on my tongue first."

"But I'm all stretched out, you already made me come back in the car-" you part your legs wider for him, inviting, trying your best to be convincing, "just want your cock, Minho. Please."

His chuckle is so adorable it almost throws you off the haze, but it’s only a second until his eyes darken again. “No, baby. I got you so wet I think I’ve earned a taste. It’s only fair."

Thankfully, the eagerness you’ve been felling for the past hour or so seems to finally catch up to Minho. Heaven knows you wish you were strong enough to watch him–pouty plump lips that usually look so adorable in your eyes now become the eighth deadly sin. Head thrown back and eyes closed, you can somehow fell the room spinning in the back of your head when the tip of Minho’s tongue meets your folds, gently tracing along your slit. You feel the goosebumps waking up along your skin, clueless hands stroking his locks.

To Minho, you’re a force of nature. You always have been. A walking magnet, clueless to the effect you had on people just by blinking your pretty lashes at them, at him. Shy but curious eyes, voice remarkbly confident and enthusiastic when you interacted with everyone else but him–an outgoing girl becoming a stuttering mess each time he walked into a room. Minho knew you would absolutely ruin him the moment he saw you. Now it’s only fair he ruined everyone else for you, too. 

It feels surreal to have you under him on the very same bed he came so many times to the thought of you, but his imagination could never top reality–you feel warm and soft on his tongue, wetness leaking out of you with every swipe of the muscle over your slit. His ministrations are featherlight against you, but as always, your reactions are what really get to Minho. Your back arches off the bed anytime he adds the smallest bit of pressure to his licking–he can feel the shivers as he runs his hands from your hips, that are constantly trying to stutter away from him, up your thighs.

Minho's own hips rut against the mattress when he finally allows his tongue inside. A loud, strangled moan leaves your lips and now it's his turn to shiver–your soft, needy cunt flutters around the muscle as he licks upwards, lolling his tongue, drinking everything you give him. His head spins as he gets drunk off of your scent, your taste, your moans–he doesn't even realize how fast his tongue has been moving inside of you until you let out a specially long whine.

Restlessness starts stirring up on your core, the intense tingling on your insides making you want to both roll your hips into Minho's mouth and squirm away from him at the same time. His grip on you was iron–veiny hands keeping your thighs spread, fingertips digging into your skin every time your legs instinctively tried to shut around him. Your mind becomes smaller and smaller as the pleasure builds up–consciousness barely there to hear the sinful sounds coming from Minho's mouth. His eyes are closed as his tongue massages your cunt, lapping up every last bit of your arousal and spreading it all over your cunt when he flattens his tongue on your slit, licking upwards to your clit. You feel your whole body tremble when he starts to circle the tip of his tongue against the bud, slowly at first, eyes now open to watch the way your body quivers to his ministrations. Splayed out over his bed, back arching off the bed constantly and grabby hands pulling into his locks, the pillow, his covers–any touch that could distract you just a bit from the alarming amount of pleasure you were whining your way through.

Minho can't help the mess–his head tilting every now and again, slowly stroking his tongue on your clit as his plush lips sucked it into his mouth. He could see the wetness dripping down your ass and pooling into the mattress–he could feel your arousal all over his lips and chin, the tip of his nose nudging your clit when his tongue snakes it's way inside you again. He started eating you out mostly with your pleasure in mind, but now as he notices your moans getting muffled by the loud sounds coming out of where you two connect, he realizes that he won't be able to go a single day without not wanting to have his face between your legs. Hell, he was so close to edging you just so he could eat you out longer–keep you bucking your hips into his face as you grew more desperate for release each time, his tongue reaching deeper inside due to the force with which you'd roll your torso towards him. But he still wants to finish the night inside you, and by the way your entire body is trembling and how loud you've been moaning, Minho reckons he has to be nice if he wants you to take another round.

So, he carefully builds up your pleasure–lips insistent around your clit as the tip of his tongue flickered the bud, finding humour on how your body tried to thrash around the bed but couldn’t do much due to his grip on your waist. Minho smiles around your cunt when your legs start shaking violently, hips attempting to raise off the bed simply because it was too much–his mouth is warm and soft, his movements so precise it startles you how quickly he took in your reactions, learning exactly what you like in no time. Either that, or he’s just Minho, and that’s just how his alluring aura manifests itself in every aspect of his life. Luring you in, hypnotizing you, locking you in his trance. A siren.

Your head rolls as further back as it can over his pillows, eyebrows furrowed as your mouth hanged open–you don’t know how loud you were moaning, you can’t tell if you were moaning at all. Your brain was mush as your orgasm thrashed through you–Minho keeping your hips in place as your limbs gain a life of their own. The only parts of your body you could feel were the ones where his touch was burning into you, numb to anything else but the man between your legs.

He coaxes you through your high, thumb stroking your skin and keeping the stimulation consistent until your body relaxed onto the bed–chest heaving with laboured breathes. Minho doesn’t look so composed himself as he kneels between your legs, taking his own shirt off before laying on top of you. His ears, neck, chest are beet red–face glistening with reminiscents of you and drowsy eyes scanning over your body, hands landing one on your waist, the other on your cheek, elbow supporting his weight on the bed.

You mindlessly lean into his touch, cupping his hand on your cheek and dragging it closer to your mouth until you were able to suck his thumb into your lips, sleepy eyes locked on his. You were growing addicted to his smirk and the darkness of his room and the pretty stars you could see through his open window–already able to tell he would haunt every single one of your dreams.

“Desperate little thing.” He coos, voice so sweet you suspect he was mocking you. He chuckles at your whine–eyebrows furrowed to express indignation, “What do you want?”

Suddenly popping his finger out of your mouth, you raise your neck off the bed in order to bite his lower lip, bringing him closer to you. When he follows, you lay your head back on the pillow and open your mouth up wide, tongue sticking out for him. Minho clicks his tongue, eyebrows raised as he looked down at you for a few seconds, smile growing wider. Then, his hand cups your jaw, holding your mouth open as his saliva drips down from his lips to your tongue. A sigh leaves you when you're finally able to taste him, relaxing your body on the bed as you swallow what he gave you. Minho watches you with a humoured, curious countenance–eyebrows raised and eyes fix on your lips when your tongue licks over them, as if you were chasing the very last trace of his flavour.

Minho didn't even process that your mouth opened again, and he doesn't process that he's already obliging–your chin tilted upwards, eager to taste him once more. The man's body seems to be moving in autopilot along with yours–both minds completely clouded, unable to form any coherent thoughts, making pure desire the only motivation to each of your actions.

You look hauntingly beautiful under him–countenance mostly darkened but your features still striking under the city lights coming from outside. You stared up at him with black, dilated pupils and eyes half open, as if you were trying to look past his consciousness and make home inside the depths of his mind, engraving the memory of tonight onto his brain for as long as you possibly could. Like you wanted him addicted.

Minho's lips clash onto yours, constant moans swallowed by one another as you desperately tried to touch more and more of each other–not a single inch forgotten. He soothes the goosebumps on you skin, hands caressing from your hips to your waist a couple times before his palms find your breasts. Minho feels dizzy when you moan his name, arching your back to seek his warmth.

Eager as always, you roll your hips against his–spread legs allowing your cunt to finally get the slightest friction from his cock. Your vision is blurry and you can't tell when you started tearing up, but the harshness with which Minho was grinding his clothed crotch against your naked cunt was the trigger for the first tear to run down your face. You were sensitive and the pleasure was overwhelming, but you still could feel your pussy fluttering around nothing, needing Minho inside.

"You're making a mess on my jeans, pretty." He mumbles against your mouth.

You struggle to breathe out, "Take them off, then."

Having sex wasn't anything new to you, but having sex with Minho feels like a completely different experience. You don't understand the headspace you're in nor are you able to dwell on what it could be–the only things you can fathom is Minho's warm body pressed up against yours and how safe and comfortable you feel. And how, when he suddenly kneels to take his jeans off, you feel so lonely and vulnerable tears flutter out of yours eyes, reaching for him with a whine of his name.

In a matter of seconds, Minho holds both your hands and comes back to his past position above you, shushing your mindless, whiny whispers with soft kisses all over your face as his thumbs caressed the skin of your hip and your cheek.

"Are you still with me, baby?" He never looked at you the way he is right now. He doesn't look confident, but in awe. Vulnerable. Like he knew this moment was a miracle and that it probably shouldn't happen again, and he, for once in his life, was allowing himself to wear this vulnerability.

You nod, eyes locked into his as you roll your hips, moaning when you feel his hard-on against you. He sighs, his underwear now being the only thing between you two, circling his hips as he asked. "Maybe we should take a break, hm?" His lips find your neck, distracting you from protesting. "Get you some water."

You barely find the strength to whisper "No, Minho, need you to fuck me. Please, I need you so bad."

You swear all the stars fall out of the sky and onto Minho's bed when you finally feel him whole. After a while of teasing you with his tip, he sinks into you with ease, both mouths hanging open in a symphony of loud moans he'd probably get complaints about.

Soft whimpers of his and your own fill the room, you feel fire lingering on each place he touches and Minho swears the universe begins and ends with each lazy, slow stroke of his hips. At this moment, he can't conceptualize the existence of anything else besides him and you. You and your constant, high moans of his name. You and your face contorted in pleasure and your needy, grabby hands. Your wet heat greedily sucking him in, trying to keep him. You and your timid gaze when he entered a room, stuttering over your words, shy smile forcing its way into your clueless lips. You, you, you.

His hands dig marks into your hips, keeping you in place as he moved above you. His thrusts were timed, consistent, and although leisured, you still bounced with each of them–his cock ripping deeper into you. Minho couldn't physically bring himself to stop kissing you–tongue roaming your open mouth, noisy kisses joining the night's soundtrack of moans and the slapping sound of his hips against your ass. 

Minho felt like he ascended closer to heaven each time you moaned his name–nails digging into his shoulder blades in your own way of claiming him. He could see the desperation in your teary eyes, endless begging leaving your wet lips and shaky legs wrapped around him in a weak attempt to keep him close. Your hips, that were once bouncing off of his now lay tired on his mattress, no longer having the strength to meet his thrusts or squirm away from them. Your lips had his spit all over them and it looked like every ounce of your morality left your conciousness with every snap of his hips. Although pretty, you weren’t nearly as gone as he pictured in the times which he fucked his hand to the thought of you–the way you lay under him right now sits very closely to his visions, but Minho is a perfectionist.

"Arch your back for me." He says, although he’s the one to actually pull your waist off the bed, “Gonna make you feel so good.”

He shoves a pillow between you and the bed and the angle instantly changes, your insides squeezing his stilled cock. Your eyes are shut tight when he whispers right by your ear, pulling your arms around his neck. “Hold on tight, pretty.”

His hold on you grew impossibly tighter as he whipped his hips against yours–thrusts so deep yet so quick that you could no longer contain the pornographic cries leaving your open mouth. Your existence narrows to nothing but open legs spreading wider for Minho to fuck into as his own narrows into being a mere tool for your pleasure–your entire senses of self were, in that moment, engulfed whole by one another. 

This amount of pleasure is so foreign to your body it completely shuts down when you try to react, utter nonsense leaving your lips when you try to let the man above you know you’d never felt like this before–no one’s ever made you feel like your soul was drifting away from you whilst simultaneously spiking all of your senses so violently, making your skin hot to the touch. You completely miss most of the words leaving his lips, laboured breathing giving away both exhaustion and pleasure.

“A little cockdumb, are you?” He says, his own voice muffled by the constant noise of his hips smacking against you. “My sheets are fucking drenched in you, baby. You take it so fucking good.” 

He's hitting your spot perfectly, the pillow helping him reach even deeper inside you. Minho's pace didn't allow you to breathe for a single second, your pussy desperately clenching around him as you feel the knot in your stomach threatening to explode–it's intensity so intimidating you start involuntarily shaking your head, legs shaking besides Minho's hips and moans getting drawn out, whiny, louder.

Your hips come back to life, stuttering messily when he presses a thumb to your clit–your hands fly to his biceps nails digging on his skin, surely to leave marks of your own.

"Come on, pretty. Gonna come all over my cock, hm? Gonna claim it?"

Claim it. Claim it. Mine, you're mine. If this was anyone else, you'd me embarrassed that that's what pushed you over the edge. But it's Lee Minho, and he just said out loud the one thing you want the most in the entire world, even if it was in a drunken haze.

Your head is numb as your body pushes through your orgasm–pleasure hits your body in violent shockwaves that leave you shuddering, not giving you a second to recover until they hit you again. You're able to tell that Minho's moans got way louder, and the thrusts of his hips now have a squelch to them. It's only after a few seconds you're able to feel the wetness all over your crotch, even reaching up to your hips and belly, due to the force of Minho's thrusts as you squirted.

You feel full, completely satisfied and overly sensitive, but Minho was never not welcome between your legs. So, you lazily drape your arms around the man's neck and pull him towards you–tip of his nose touching yours, hooded eyes fix on hooded eyes. Your mouth is still open for him, moans now quiet but still constant as his thrusts grew erratic. Minho, on the other hand, was being so loud you hoped to God his roommate wasn't over. Not just his moans, but the ferocity of his hips now combined with the wetness made a noise so loud it'd be borderline unbearable to anyone else but you two.

But you really couldn't care less, not when Minho looks like a greek god above you. Perfect eyebrows furrowed in concentration and eyes burning into yours, every vein on his reddened neck prevalent and hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, pouty lips hanging open exposing his–in any other situation– adorable teeth, but now you just wanted him to sink them in your skin.

"So good, so good..." You mindlessly blabber, that was the most you could do for him right now.

"Is it? Yeah? You just showed me how good it feels, ah. Squirting all over my cock, fuck."

"Do I feel good?"

His head drops to your shoulder, burying his face on your neck. "Perfect. Fuck, like you were made for me. Want this pussy all for myself."

"Have it, then." You struggle through moans, "I don't want anyone else, Min."

His hand takes the pillow under your waist and throws it somewhere in the room–snaking one hand under your waist to arch you for him as the other stroke his cock only once, enough to paint your stomach and breasts in his white stripes. Minho is shuddering as he collapses above you, face finding home in your neck again. You feel him shifting over you somewhere in your sleepy state, after a while passes. Your whine in protest makes him chuckle.

"I have to clean you up, angel." You ignore the way your insides turn due to the new petname and pulls his kneeling figure towards you again.

"Stay a little longer."

"A little longer?" He whispers, looking at your lips as he lays above you.

Minho hums when you kiss him, gently cupping your chin and guiding you through it. His tongue was soft, slow and addictive–after him, you can't really picture yourself kissing anyone else.

"I'm gonna talk to your brother." He tries to play it nonchalant, but his eyes are closed and his ears turn pink as he whispers his confessions through peppered kisses across your face.

"Really?" You can't help how hopeful your whisper sounds.

"Yeah, of course." His voice suddenly changes to an annoyed tone, clicking his tongue. "Gonna have a talk with Wooseok, too. Asshole." Your chest flutters with laughter as he curses under his breath, heart beating out of your chest as he kisses your cheekbone, then your jaw, tone suddenly soft again. "Wanna make you mine."

Your eyes flutter shut for a second, an embarrassing attempt to hold back tears. "I already am, Min."

[reasonsmandy]

Your special someone

Eddie Roundtree × Fem!Reader

✧.* requested by anon — Hey could u possibly do an imagine with Eddie where y/n is graham and Billy’s sister and she just tours with the band and like one day she’s just sitting out on her own lowkey on the verge of tears cause she’s scared of what Billy’s becoming with his addiction so Eddie sees her and holds her and they have a moment and start to get closer and more touchy with each other (cuddly) and when billy goes to rehab her and Eddie take a trip together to wherever (you decide) and then Eddie confesses that he’s in love with her and she also confesses? You can add whatever u want but that’s just the general basis of it.

✧.* summary — Your brother's addiction to drugs made you more and more worried about him, you looked for a way to make him better, and in that moment of anguish the person who supported you the most was Eddie. And over time your relationship grew into something more.

✧.* warnings — mention of drugs, addicted Billy, maybe some mistakes in the timeline of the book (sorry about that).

✧.* word count — 2.4k

✧.* 🎸 — Eddie's masterlist

✧.* mandy's notes — I love writing declarations of love, this one made my heart warm. Hope you like it <3

Being the sister of two rockstars was the biggest wish of all those people who were screaming for The six out there, but for you your brothers were much more than rock stars, they were what kept you sane, your foundations. Billy, Graham and you were always very close, and since you were little you always took care of each other.

Your love for them was something so big that you didn't have words to explain, even with all the mistakes - especially Billy's - you weren't able to stay upset with them for long.So when they told you they were going to LA to further the band's career your heart almost broke at the thought of being away from them for so long. You then talked to your mother and with the help of your brothers you convinced her to let you go with them.

Being with them throughout this trajectory filled your heart with pride, you could hardly believe that at that moment you were backstage at one of their concerts that was sold out. Words weren't enough to express your pride in them, and seeing them wearing the clothes you made was even more rewarding.

However, as unfortunately not everything is always happiness, you had spent the last days of the tour extremely worried about Billy. The last few days he was clearly overindulging in drugs and booze, even bringing you flashbacks of your father… The fight with Camila had sparked a much bigger drug craving in the older Dunne, he couldn't seem to stop and it was more and more visible.

Graham Dunne: Y/N tried to warn me, but we didn't really understand what addiction was back then. I thought he would recover with time, that it was just a relapse.

Y/N Dunne: I knew he was in bad shape, I didn't recognize my brother anymore... And if I'm honest with you, I was terrified.

Billy was once again snorting another line of cocaine, and watching your big brother do this made your heart clench in frustration.

"Billy, don't you think it's enough?" Concerned, you approach him, touching his shoulder.

"Are you my mother now?" He says rolling his eyes, pulling away from you. "I know when to stop, you don't have to take care of me."

He says as he walks away from you, staggering a little while feeling the effect of what he used. Not knowing what to do, you sit down, worried about what it all could cause later, the consequences of it all. They had just played the last song, the crowd's celebration was thrilling, and you knew you couldn't stay to watch your brother tear himself apart like he always did at the end of every show.

So you decided to take some time alone, you needed to think about how to help him, and since Graham didn't want to instruct you or at least think of something to solve it, you felt helpless… It wasn't like you could call your mother for help, after all she was in Pittsburgh and Billy was old enough for her to be able to force him to stop.

Eddie had become one of your best friends over the years, you were very close and he knew your concern for Billy and how it was affecting you. He had thought and even tried to talk to Billy about it but as usual he didn't listen to the blonde, so all he could do was try to calm you down, make you feel better.

As soon as Roundtree comes down from the stage, his eyes look for you, when he notices your absence he starts to worry because he knew that you always liked to be there at the end of the shows to congratulate them.

"Warren, have you seen Y/N?" the bassist asks.

"No man, did something happen?" Rojas asks, noticing his friend's worried expression.

"Thank you" he says not answering the drummer's question, heading towards the open part of the place hoping to find you there.

It was already half past midnight, the moon lit the streets along with the streetlights and you cried when you thought about the state your brother was in, it's very difficult to see someone you love with all your heart and soul in a situation like that, and the fear of losing him became more and more alive in you.

You sobbed while letting the tears escape, it was as if you were getting rid of, or at least trying to, a weight that had tormented you for many days. You wanted to have the solution for Billy, you wanted to be able to help him but your hands were tied.

Eddie saw you sat with your hands on your face, his chest tightened to see you sad like that, he cared about you in a way he couldn't explain and he hated when anything made you feel bad. The bassist was in love with you for a long time, he loved every detail about you and would probably do anything to see you well.

He approaches you slowly, expecting you to notice his presence, but you didn't. Roundtree reaches out his arm to poke your shoulder, You wipe your tears in an attempt to hide it from whoever was there, but when you notice it was him you smile weakly shaking your head, showing him that you weren't fine… that you needed him there.

"Is it okay if I sit here?" He whispers, waiting for your confirmation.

"Of course Ed'' You reply, holding out your hand for him to take, which he does.

"I hate seeing you like this…" He says, lacing his fingers through yours. "What can I do to help you, love?"

You smile at the nickname, you two had this way of treating each other which you decided not to name, you had a relationship that with all the characteristics could be called loving, but the two of you for some reason didn't want to risk making things different by talking about.

You were very affectionate with each other, hugs, nights sleeping together, cuddling and sometimes some make out sessions.

"I wanted so much to help him Eddie" Without holding back the tears you say, laying your head on his shoulder. "I hate seeing him like this, I feel so useless"

"Oh my love, you do your best for him" He says, enveloping you in a hug where you knew you could feel safe. "If you want I can help you with that idea you had"

Last night while you were in bed, you told Eddie your idea to call Teddy Price to help Billy, you were sure he would listen if it was Price who told him to control himself. The only problem is that you had no contact with him, and you had no idea how to get in contact with him without Billy knowing.

You watch him closely, the tears in your eyes started to fall you felt so supported by him, you know he would always be there for you. Relieved you let out a sigh, hugging him tighter. He hugs you back, stroking your back assuring you as much as he can that he'll be always there for you.

"You can count on me for whatever you need." He says, placing a kiss on your head. "I'll talk to Warren, he might know his number or where he is."

"I don't even know how to thank you." Eddie noticed that you were much more relieved the more you talked.

"I know…" He says smiling, you take your gaze to him. "Let's rest? I want you to be at peace with all of this, I'll sort it out. Do you trust me?"

"With my life" You smile, planting a kiss on the bassist's cheek.

…

It had been a few weeks since Billy had been in rehab, and although the fact that he was away was something that made you anxious you knew it was for his own good and that was enough. With Billy's absence the shows were cancelled, and they had to pass back the money the record company gave them, and with this free time you all took the opportunity to take a break before looking for any job.

Warren was obsessed with the boats that were around there, and he didn't spend a day away from the beach to have any chance of getting on one. Graham spent half his time with Karen, and although they swore no one knew about them, you knew your brother… you knew he was madly in love with her.

And you were now packing your bags for a trip with Eddie, you didn't have a lot of money for an extraordinary trip, but when he told you the idea of ​​going to a cabin just the two of you your eyes lit up with excitement. Eddie and you were in that friends-with-benefits thing, and although you wanted to make it official the fear of losing him spoke louder, after all Eddie was a rock star and rock stars didn't date seriously, you thought.

So besides the invitation to the trip that took you by surprise, you couldn't wait to be alone with him enjoying each other's company.

"Are you ready beautiful?" He asks, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Almost Eddie, give me just a second" You open the closet, taking a few more things to complete your checklist. "Now I'm ready."

You turn to him, smiling with excitement the blonde places a kiss on your lips and looks you from head to toe

"You are wonderful..." He takes your hand, heading towards the exit with your bag in the other free hand.

After an hour of travel you arrived at the cabin, it was very cozy and would certainly be a great house for you that weekend. Inside, the decor was super characteristic, several vinyl records hanging on the walls, a fireplace with some armchairs around it. Upstairs is just the suite where you were going to sleep, you went up the stairs excitedly throwing yourself on the bed.

"Eddie this is amazing! I'm in love with everything here" You take your gaze to the window behind the bed, which had a wonderful view of the forest and lake beyond you.

"I'm glad you liked it my love" He lays down next to you on the bed, holding your hand he brings it to his mouth to kiss your knuckles. "It's always good to get away from problems with you"

You turn onto your stomach, looking tenderly at the blonde he smiles as he takes a closer look at your face, he was madly in love with you.

"If I could I would stay with you here forever" You approach him, kissing his nose. "So what? What are the plans for today?"

You and Roundtree had spent the afternoon enjoying each other's company, you danced together, he played a few songs while you ventured out to sing a little, then you decided to prepare things for dinner. And now, with only the moonlight illuminating you, the two of you were sitting in the cabin's backyard.

Just you and the noises of nature, you were sharing a bench you snuggled between the bassist's legs getting a cuddle from him, keeping your eyes closed. Eddie watches you, not believing that someone as wonderful as you was there with him, he didn't believe he was the lucky man who had the chance to hold you in his arms.

However, the thought that you could be with anyone else came to the blonde's mind after all... You weren't official. He knew you wouldn't do something without talking to him first, he trusted you, but the thought that someone could have the courage he didn't have to declare himself to you made him despair.

"I need to tell you something" The bassist says, making you open your eyes and watch him carefully.

"You can say it, I'm here for you." You say, smiling in an attempt to calm the boy who had a rapid heartbeat at this point. "You know I won't judge you or anything…"

"Y/N I can't pretend this doesn't affect me in a different way anymore" He lets out, making you startle at his choice of words.

"What do you mean?" You shift in the chair to look into his eyes.

"I can't pretend that I'm not in love with you baby." He concluded, now making your heart skip a beat. "I am in love with every detail that shapes you, I'm crazy about your smile, you're the most talented person I know, and also the kindest person ever...I mean, you can be nice to Billy! This is the hardest thing a human being can do."

He says making you laugh with the last sentence, slapping the bassist on the shoulder saying non-verbally "hey, that's my brother!"

"There is no one that makes me feel the way you do, and you know I'm terrible at showing what I feel, and even worse trying to put my feelings into words, but when it comes to you… fuck, Y/N! I can change the world just to see you smile" He says, bringing his hands to your waist, seeking closeness. "And I would never forgive myself if I let the best person in the world slip through my hands without even saying how I feel. I love you so much"

You can feel a few tears form in your eyes, an involuntary smile appears on your face when you hear those very beautiful words. Eddie Roundtree was the man that made you sigh, in many ways, he was the man that made you feel special, that made you feel safe, he was the person that would not only be there to help you, but to give you support in everything you set out to do. He was your special someone.

Without wasting time you end the distance between you with a kiss, your hands go towards the bassist's neck from time to time taking your fingers to the man's hair, he kisses you tenderly like he wants it to last forever, like he doesn't want to feel you far away anymore.

"I'm crazy for you Eddie" You confess, your foreheads were together while your eyes were closed. "I love you, and I'm in love with you too baby."

Y/N Dunne: Well, Billy was in for a big surprise when he got back from rehab. *Laughing* He was jealous for sure, but he knew deep down that there was no one who made me feel better than Eddie.

Eddie Roundtree: What can I say? I'm in love with her.

...

Hi, I hope you enjoyed it... If you wanted to ask for something my requests are open, and if you want to ask and don't have any ideas check out my prompt list :) xoxo

Want to be tagged when new stories come out? REASONSMANDY'S TAG LIST

[corvidae-corvus]

My Spiderman & Batman Fanfic (WIP): Not a prompt just from the fanfic I'm writing. Check Pin

Ideas #1:

So anyways, I started to think rlly hard about the fanfic and I realized that Instead of Peter going to Gotham right after NWH, I decided that he would die by the Inheritors instead.

I thought about this for a couple reasons:

• I needed to age Peter up a bit so it'd be easier for Peter and Jason to be in a relationship. This also helps with the timeline. So I decided that Peter will be 20 when he dies. Jason will also be 20 or 20-22 yrs old. (Still not sure how I want to write his relationship w/ the bat-family)

• I wanted to give him time to be on his own. I like the idea of him having support and a family but I needed to get him alone first. And since his parents will also be resurrected in the DC verse. His loneliness in those 2 years will play a VITAL role in his story. So 2 years will pass since NWH. I wanted him to still be fresh in his grief for May cause angst, but not too fresh because I want complicated feelings lol. And angst.

• I wanted him to be more experienced in crime fighting. I've read fanfic where he's just so unprepared for Gotham's harshness that he's really fucking struggling. And it kinda makes me go eeeeehhhhhhhh. And as much as I love it. (Cause I do, I like the angst) I also wanted to make him competent AND more dangerous. This is a Peter who's lost HIS WHOLE FAMILY!!! And then he gets them back!? Yeah Peter's morals bend so easily for them. And he's not gonna let a city bring him down. He's gonna live and protect his family, no matter what. What I'm trying to say is that Peter's gonna be a bit more overpowered. Not too much obv. And angry. Rlly fucking angry.

• I wanted Jason and Peter to be together in a romantic relationship and so I wanted to age Peter up instead of having him be with Jason when he's still angry with Batman

WAIT- WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!!! HOLD THE PHONE!!!

I just realized that In my fic Richard Parker and Dick are the same person just different variants of one another. Like they LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME!!! (In my fic that I'm working on)

Like. What age did Richard die!? My head cannon is that he had Peter when he was 25. So he dies at like 30. And Dick is like 5-8 years older than Jason right??? So like Dick is around 25-28 years old during this time!?

Would this make Peter/Jason weird??? I need to know. Should I make like Richard and Dick be only a quarter related??? Or not related at all!? AHHH I DON'T KNOW!? I mean I want Peter/Jason cause it's an easy way to connect Peter to the Bats but also cause I think Peter/Jason would be rlly fucking cute??

BUT I ALSO RLLY WANT RICHARD HAVING THE SAME FACE AS A MULTI BILLIONAIRE TO BE AN OBSTACLE IN RICHARD'S LIFE!! Both as a normal citizen of Gotham and as a Super spy.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!

I CAN ONLY HAVE ONE!?!?

CAUSE LIKE- wouldn't it be weird to date a guy whose biological dad is related to your adopted brother??

GODDAMNIT-

Fuxk- should I just have it that Richard and Dick aren't actually related and Richard just looks like him (doppelganger) so that they can date or that Peter and Jason never date?

Fuxk

[berberriescorner]

What love language(s) do you think EZ Reyes, Angel Reyes, Chris Evans, and Rio each have?

Oh, I love this! Sorry it took a minute to get back to you. I wanted to think it over and put a great deal of thought into my answer. It's kind of lengthy, so brace yourself😂 . Just a reminder, this is based on my opinion y'all. Don't jump down my throat if you disagree😂.

Angel Reyes:

His love language would be words of affirmation. The oldest Reyes (well technically the middle 😂👀) loves reassurance. He finds that in the small things. Hearing you tell him, "I love you, papa," or "I appreciate you." Means the world to him. It's just something about the way you say the words, "I'm proud of you," that warms his heart. He may come off as a nonchalant jerk, but deep down Angel has a heart of gold. Though he struggles with communication. He appreciates that it comes easy to you. That you know when he's trying to shut you out. "Angel, I've given you two days to stew in your anger. I don't know what the issue is, but that changes today. Talk to me. What's on your mind? What can I do to help?" This is enough to get him to release all his emotions. He loves that you're willing to listen to him vent. He feels you are the only person that can actually hear and understand him.

Angel also spills over into the love language of physical touch. He loves it when you two are just lounging around. His head is in your lap as you run your fingers through his hair, giving light kisses here and there. He loves when you play with the rings on his hands. Angel knows the feel of his cool rings soothes your heated skin. The warmth of your skin is a result of the naughty things he's always telling you. He loves getting you riled up, knowing that in a matter of minutes, you'll be begging to feel those ringed fingers messaging your silky flesh.

Ezekiel Reyes:

Like his older brother, this Reyes blends two different categories as well. Having spent quite a bit of time locked up. I would have to say that Ezekiel's first love language would be quality time. Losing all that time makes him appreciate that he has it now. He would want to spend as much time with his lady as possible. They don't even really have to be doing much, he just wants to be in her presence. He would love nothing more than to stay in, cuddled under a blanket reading one of his favorite books to you. He loves that you snuggle into him and listen, asking questions about the book here and there. EZ reads until he hears light snores fall from your lips. Looking down, he brushes the hair from your face, placing a kiss on your forehead. He would probably stare at you for a few moments and then carry you to bed, tucking you and himself in.

Then there is his secondary love language as much as he loves quality time. Ezekiel also has an appreciation for acts of service. He deals with a lot, whether it be family or the club. The fact that you're always willing to step in and help him out, makes him love you even more. He loves that you always stop in and check on his dad. That you offer to help him with household chores and cooking dinner. He doesn't have to worry about him on runs, because he knows you're there checking and spending time with Felipe.

Chris Evans:

We all know he tends to be a workaholic. Every time we turn around, he’s starring in a different project. I'm going to guess that his love language is quality time. He comes off as someone who likes to stay low-key and to himself. Chris also seems like a homebody. I can picture him wanting you all to himself, opting for a quiet evening alone at home. It could be a candle-lit dinner that the two of you made together. Maybe even a night cuddling in bed, binging your favorite movies/tv shows. I can picture him staring down at you, smiling at how cute your laugh sounds. His hand rubs your arm as you cuddle against him, eyes glued to the television. Eyes still locked on you, he’ll pull you closer and place a kiss on your forehead. Chris takes in your features, appreciating that you look gorgeous in just your PJs. You feel him staring, and once you've made eye contact, that quality time turns into passion.

You know what? I’m going to throw in physical touch as well. Chris has been on record saying he deals with anxiety. Hear me out. I’m willing to bet that he craves physical touch. It comes in handy when he’s dealing with stress or anxiety. I can picture the two of you spending time together in his hotel before a premiere or interview on a press tour. Yes, he’s walked the red carpet and sat down for numerous appearances, but his nerves run wild each time. With you by his side, the nerves and anxiety subside as you hug him tightly and kiss his cheek wishing him good luck for the night. “You feeling a little anxious, baby? Just relax. That charming smile and charismatic personality will get you through it,” you tell him as you rub your hands up and down his arms. The tension and worry slowly drain from his body from the feel of your touch. “Thank you, honey,” he pecks your lips as he prepares to head out.

Rio:

Actions speak louder than words with Mr. Gang-Friend himself. In my opinion, Rio is a blend of two love languages, just like the other sexy men listed above. The first is acts of service, and the second: physical touch. He takes pride in his work and loves being the sole provider of the house (even if his significant other chooses to have a successful career of their own). His partner speaks his love language by taking care of other things. Rio can always look forward to coming home to a warm meal. To him, it doesn’t matter if you cooked it yourself or ordered takeout. Just the act of making sure he’s eaten is enough to make him feel loved. You pick up any slack he may have with the kids when his work interferes. All of you understand the importance of what he’s trying to do for the family. It’s also little things, such as having a fresh cup of coffee waiting for him in the mornings. Rio loves the way you take care of him when he’s feeling under the weather. His stubborn ass will swear up and down that he’s not sick. “Baby, I’m fine. Just tired is all.” That’s until it hits him hard, turning him into a whiny sick man child. “Baby, can you make me some soup? Please and thank you, mama.” He’ll roll his eyes at the fact that you were right and call him out about it. He’s fully aware that you have other responsibilities, which makes him even more appreciative.

Are we surprised that the other love language is physical touch? Y’all know this man can’t keep his hands to himself, and he loves that you are the same. Believe it or not, what he appreciates most is that you always know when he needs it. Over time you’ve learned his moods and mannerisms. It’s not hard for you to tell when he’s had a horrible day. Rio doesn’t even have to utter a single word. You just know. One look at him, and you’re crossing the room to get to him as quickly as possible. Rio, meeting your embrace, soaks in the feeling of your arms wrapping around his waist. He grins at the fact that you have to stand on your toes to peck his lips. This small gesture alone is enough to ease his tense muscles. Rio will then spend time with the kids as you warm his plate. Once he’s nice and full, it’s bedtime for everyone. The two of you shower together once the kids have been tucked in. After a nice calming shower, the both of you fall into bed. He’ll slide between your legs, lying on your chest. As the pair of you cuddle, it makes him comfortable enough to vent about his frustrations from the day. Your hands massage his scalp and eventually lull him into a peaceful sleep.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did answering it😆🥰! Be sure to leave your thoughts. Please feel free to comment and reblog, lovelies!

[hed-romancer]

season 5 episode 3 of camp camp was amazing, actually

okay so i didn't really like season 5 episode 1, and episode 2 while better, was pretty mediocre to me. Nothing funny, nothing that really moved character interactions forward (besides the slip that david is upset gwen isn't a counselor), some stuff that felt out of character (david doesn't seem the type to worry if he's a good counselor or not so much as worry about literally anything else), and some stuff that was supposed to be funny but was actually unfunny and out of character (the campers choosing to try to open the freezer before even letting anyone know about the cave in). It really was just okay, and only that good bc i love anxious!david

episode 3, however, was absolutely wonderful.

on one hand, you have some of the greatest jokes of the series (david switching over to word associations after explaining exactly nothing, the cut back to the boys where david is taking notes on something nurf is saying, nerris immediately thinking someone born in 1985 must be dead now) (though i'm not exactly a fan of the implication that cj is a child predator being played as a joke).

On the other hand, you have honestly one of the best portrayals of what its like being a tween/young teen girl in media.

ered doesn't know what she's doing, and feels unprepared by her two dads to become a woman, so she goes to gwen to ask for advice, who she thinks is a cool adult woman but is also just so happy to be thought of as cool that she's not even sure what she's agreeing to do. ered asks all the questions she hasn't been able to ask, and gwen realizes quickly she doesn't have all the answers, but still fakes it anyway.

nerris goes off and finds the diary of a kid named jessie, and as they read it they feels seen in a way they never have before. they read more and falls in love with jessie, only to realize that jessie was a kid in 1985, and concludes jessie must be dead by now.

nikki ends up at a spa, and tries new "girly" things, that she previously derided, and finds them enjoyable. once she sees the sum of all the ways she's changed herself, she panics, and realizes she's looking like what she used to hate. how can she still be herself if she's enjoying this?

nikki and nerris go running to ered and gwen for advice, and gwen says "goddammit". ered, realizing that gwen doesn't know anything either, takes helping the younger two on her own. she tells nerris that feeling lost and unsure doesn't mean you're alone, that we've all felt that way. she tells nikki that while its okay to question who she is sometimes, she can be whoever she wants to be and the questioning doesn't make her any less herself.

and it's just chef's kiss. nerris getting a first(?) queer love and realizing it's not gonna happen and not knowing how to handle the heartbreak because it's their first time experiencing it. nikki exploring femininity and realizing it can be enjoyable, even if its not what she usually does, just for her own sake. ered realizing older women don't have it figured out either, and even if she doesn't know everything, she's still gonna step up and help the younger two out. i just love it.

it's literally what becoming an older girl/enby is like. trying to figure it out, helping others try to figure it out, realizing those older than you haven't figured it out either.

[kyelsilly]

okay so i am feeling like going on a little rant so!!!!!!!!!

i love my boyfriend SO much. i love everything about him like seriously.

i met him in 2021 and honestly the second i got home i was telling my mum all about him, i never thought id meet someone i admired as much as i did him let alone have him be my friend!! it was at a really scary point in my life actually because i was about to come out as trans publicly to my school a couple of weeks after i met him and he was already out when he got to my school!!! he made me feel so at ease about it and honestly such a coincidence like that almost makes me kinda believe maybe we were like... meant to met???? i know that's really cheesy but honestly it's hard for me to believe it's possible any other way, i mean,,, i live in a TINY town and meeting someone so perfect for me was never something i could have expected

also when i met him i was in a pretty rough depressive episode where i was missing a lot of school and struggling to get up in the mornings but since meeting him it has become significantly easier to get out of bed and do things, he motivates me daily just to do little things and i appreciate him more than anything for that.

i've been through a lot with him through all of the time that i've known him, we've basically talked daily since we met and i don't know where i'd be without him honestly /pos

he helped me a lot on my journey with discovering and understanding my neurodivergence and he has been nothing but compassionate and supportive towards me the whole way, he's somebody who really understands me on a deeper level that i feel like nobody else in person has come close to before, and it feels amazing. i don't feel misunderstood on any level around him and i feel like i can truly unmask around him without fearing driving him away or annoying him.

also he's just. so good to me all of the time. not even just when i'm upset but he's such a sweetheart and has made me feel really content and satisfied in myself as a person and also in the things i do just due to him being so supportive and loving regardless of what i'm doing. he makes me feel pretty and also makes me feel proud of myself for lots of different little things that i do in my daily life. i could never feel more loved by him. he's a great person and he means the world to me.

even when we were just friends this dude was just. absolutely perfect who let him be this amazing???????? seriously man??????

we've shared so many moments together of all kinds of different emotions and i wouldn't trade a second of any of it for the world

he just makes me feel so happy and hopeful for the future and everything that will come with it, i can't wait until we can finally live together and i can fall asleep next to him every single night

being in love is just. such an amazing feeling especially being so deep in it NOT TO MENTION having it reciprocated so strongly i could not ask for anything more than this genuinely

he is so admirable in so many ways and he constantly motivates me to do things ranging from getting out of bed to doing silly little drawings to planning out my future even if he isn't directly trying to do any of those things he still does it and i could not thank him enough for that

not only is he my boyfriend but he is also my best friend and when i say that i mean it wholeheartedly. we are very romantic towards one another but we also spend a lot of moments just giggling and talking about little things, sometimes he makes me believe in soulmates i'm gonna be completely real on this one

i still remember our first kiss from a few years ago now, we were in the school library and we'd been talking about wanting to share our first kiss for a few days and we were both really nervous but he ended up initiating it - it's really sweet to think about seeing our development in our relationship from then to now and how kisses aren't as big and scary anymore

also since we're getting older now we get to sleep over at each other's places a lot more often and getting to wake up next to him ejdkhdfbj/vvpos whenever we live together my back will never be cold again

sometimes i just want to throw him into the sun /pos /aff

also have i mentioned how pretty he is without even doing anything to put any effort into it???????? dude could have the craziest bedhead known to man and i will still be smiling my ass off staring at him he is just so beautiful i hate eye contact with most people but his eyes are just so pretty

also also im starting to put together this little trinket box of things i have from dates we've had / memories i have with him and it makes me soooo happy to have a lot of little silly things like that

we listen to music in the car / in class together a lot too and i get so giddy just indulging in songs that he likes and that remind me of him ehshdhfhef music is great and so is he

he is so important to me and i feel really important to him too jfhjhkfbgjkf i love him sooooo much i feel so safe around him

have i mentioned we've been together for two years and counting btw :3 our anniversary is 04.04.22 best day ever fr

i dont think i could ever nor have i ever looked at somebody the same way i look at him

i could just ramble for houuuurrrssssssssssssss

have i mentioned how much i love him yet because i love him a lot

im going to calm down now ive been typing for a while giggling.... but hes my everything

[fictionkinfessions]

what a wild experience it is to be relatively young while also having a large number of past lives constantly popping up in my memory.

i've been nonhuman more times than i know, but just like i suited myself then, humanity fits me perfectly now. i have more estranged family members than the combined amount of everyone i've met in this life, but still act awkward around my blood relatives because i haven't quite gotten confident in this new self yet. i've worked any imaginable number of jobs but my new first one still seems just as intimidating, at least socially. i've held unbelievable, unsustainable power and more times than not used it for good, for the sake of my people, but i feel guilty accepting simple help from my loved ones. every past and present social convention is more suggestion to me now, yet still i follow, knowing there's nothing worse than being above or below everything where the only part of you others can see is your shadow.

where i once was the pitch black void of destruction for my enemies, i'm now small and soft and doting, and the craziest part is, i was always both.

i cycle between feeling intimidated by/estranged to those older than me and thinking of people my age or older as kids. just like most anyone, they're rambunctious and unafraid and openly, adorably don't know what they're doing because, in their eyes, it's the beginning of their first time. i've done that, too, but remembering it from the perspective of beyond keeps me from experiencing it quite the same way again. the amount of times even before adulthood i have been referred to as an "old soul" is comical- i am old, so old that my highest desire is to teach, to care, to protect others whenever they need it, yet i'll never be too old to remain young in the ways that matter. every menial "coming of age" thing i have done and will go on to do i have done once, twice, a thousand times, but this time is not special in that it won't be when i stop getting excited. my brain prevents me from remembering it all, but if i've learned anything, it's that excitement and joy are all that remain when all else fades away. knowing this means every choice i make will not be a missed or seized opportunity, rather a dedication to love and life itself.

i've had the hard truths of existence carved into my mind over and over. i've been broken and reassembled and built up to tumble back again, yet each time i move on, the burning remnants become nothing more than a fuzzy afterimage that superimposes itself on my being, now entirely different in the exact same way. really, that's the beauty of it; a different body and mind with the same information will come to a different conclusion, even if similar. no set of hands can sculpt a lump of clay the exact same way twice. i am the clay and i am the hands and i am the eyes that gaze upon my self-creation in admiration, in a way some may wish to but cannot in quite as much depth. one day i will hold an entirely new form and choose a new, yet equally true, metaphor to describe the ways in which i've changed. and then, too, i will be young and grown, and grow up while remaining young, and love relentlessly, unconditionally. in this, i will never be alone.

collectively, i'd say my age outranks that of this universe itself. but just like it, i am still a kid, marvelling at the gift of life with bright eyes despite every wild possibility. beauty is within the love you create. so i say to you, another irreplicable creation within the crushing embrace of existence:

reread that cringe book you like, or replay that game that used to be your favorite as a kid, or pick up the hobby you've wanted to try that you know the people around you would think is lame. rant about the most seemingly meaningless things just because you wanna. be as spiritual or non-spiritual as you wish. embrace your various identities and interests with a whole heart, and if they change, let them. you change every day you exist, and you will never be precisely as you were or will be, which makes the you you are now infinitely valuable. if your people are too blinded by the biases of this world to make peace with the harmless things that bring you joy, find new people who can admire the story of each smudged fingerprint in your surface just as readily as every smooth curve and minute detail. whether it be through friendship, romance or family, let yourself be shaped by the influence of others in that irreplicable way you would never achieve on your own. stand on your business when you have to, act the way you feel, speak your mind. make mistakes and learn from them, and make them again, and learn something entirely new. take it from me: you will never run out of things to learn or to love, and that's the greatest gift of all. learn what you need and what you can, and most importantly of all, learn what you love so that you might have the time to love it for as long as possible. remember your time is limited, but acknowledge anything you do to fulfill yourself or something important/necessary to you is not a waste, despite how limited you may be. take whatever pace makes you comfortable, no matter what vindictive minds may insist, and live a life full of all the things you and your loved ones desire, so that no matter when the day comes that you move on, you will know it was worth it.

and, if you can, leave a positive impact on those you meet who could use your irreplicable influence. never force yourself to become beholden to another (just as any other shouldn't be to you) and uphold your personal safety before anyone else's, but if you have the chance to change something for the better, don't choose to let it go. if nothing else, you'll thank yourself for it, as will i. i know you're struggling, and you are trying, and i love you. i believe in you. as long as you always protect and value your own voice, you will live in the best way. never give up on that.

(p.s: also don't give up on your sleep schedule! i'm sitting in tumblr writing this at 4 am on a friday morning. when this is posted, chances are you will never know me or even want to, but remember those you do know and hold them fondly in your heart. and especially appreciate those who choose to work for the benefit of others, like mpc! (thank you for providing this space for people to share things they otherwise couldn't.))

to whoever you might be today, take it easy out there.

- a friend

x