#it took forever for me to start exercising and also i still don't like that she talked about it like it's not your business

[autumnrory]

decided since i have so many gifsets ready i would switch back to my lego project and do one at a time in between fics but ofc that means it's time to work on one and i'm just like okay i'd radther do any of the other organizing projects in my room than work on that

[wosoamazing]

Negative Thoughts & Beach Days

Summary: Based of this request.

Warnings: Eating Disorders, R calling themselves fat, RED-S syndrome.

A/N: This took longer than I expected sorry. I hope you like it, might do a part two where R talks to Leah and Jonas etc. I took forever to come up with the title - don't be surprised if I change it.

“She’s so fat” “She’s ugly” “Literal definition of nepotism, search it up in the dictionary and you would find her, she is so unfit and a bad player, screams nepotism.”

Leah had always told you there are two main rules to being a professional sports person. Number one do not read the comments on any posts about you, and number two if you don’t listen to number one and do read the comments don’t let them get to you. But these three comments weren’t alone, they were three of millions, it had been going on for a month, its hard not to let them get to you, you open social media, and they were plastered all over your screen. You tried to ignore them, block them out of your head, but they always managed to find a way to wiggle in and eventually they were all consuming thoughts.

The girls first noticed an odd change in your eating habits one morning at breakfast, you didn’t stop at your routine stop in front of the cereal instead you continued over to the fruit picking up a fruit salad, you also had decided to have wholemeal bread instead of white bread this morning for your toast, these decisions received a few confused looks from the girls as you sat down, no one knew why, they just thought maybe you wanted to try and be healthier, so no one thought much of it and just shrugged it off.

You were 16, turning 17 in 2 months and had never had your period. Leah said you were lucky, that you didn’t have to deal with it. RED-S syndrome was what every single doctor you ever spoke too yapped on about, along with exercising less, which they all regretted saying the second after, exercising was your job, you couldn’t really stop it, plus it kept you skinny. You didn’t really listen to what anyone said, nor did you care, in your mind not having a period meant that you were skinny enough, you were thin enough, you were fit enough. This was far from the truth but in your distorted reality it was the truth. So, the day you got your first ever period your whole world collapsed, in your reality you were now classed as fat. In reality you weren’t, you were insanely skinny. But you weren’t in reality. You stopped eating snacks, you thrived off snacks or at least that’s what the girls said, but you had stopped eating them, that did concern them, but you were still eating your three full meals a day so no one was too concerned, well except for Alessia, she would always ask “You sure you don’t want some?” in regards to popcorn on movie nights, or “What happened to your snacks?” you knew somewhere deep down that she was concerned and just trying to help but you didn’t take the comments that way, it felt like she was having a go at you, and one day you snaped, “Alessia, why do you even care, it’s not like you’re in charge of me, you’re not my Mum, my Dad, you’re not Leah, you don’t fucking get to constantly nag me about food, you have no fucking idea what is going on. Just leave me alone” she stood there in shock that day and so did you, before you ran up to your room and locked it, she did know what was going on which is why she was trying to say things lightly, however she forgot that you wouldn’t have taken them lightly she had been in your position a few years ago and felt so bad that she forgot what it felt like when someone said something like that, so she stepped back.

You also started to wear obviously baggier clothes after your first period, you loved to wear anything with spaghetti straps that’s coverage stopped at your ribs, Leah referred to your clothes as ‘non-clothes’ saying you may as well just wear your underwear. But now you would always be found in a baggy overside hoodie or shirt and a pair of sweats, to be fair it was winter, however even in winter you would wear your Nike Pros and a cropped hoddie or cropped rugby jumpers, so the girls were confused and they didn’t really understand why you started wearing trackies and hoodies but the one day they had discussed it Alessia told them to just leave it be and she would deal with it. She wasn’t sure how she would deal with it, however the moment arrived on your team trip to Ibiza.

_____

It was the fourth day of your holiday trip with the team and today it was decided that you were all going to the beach, you had managed to suggest other activities, and avoided the beach for the previous three days. The girls were slightly confused as to why you were avoiding the beach as usually you were the one to suggest it and you always jumped at the idea. You loved to wear the skimpiest bikini Leah (or your Mum – depending on whether it was a team or family trip) would let you get away with, lounging on the sand for half of the day getting a good tan before turning into a four-year-old and splashing everyone in the ocean. You even once filled up a bucket of water and tipped it over Katie’s head when she was sleeping on the beach, it was safe to say you regretted that one.

“Come-on, Y/N lets go to the beach.” Alessia said as she pounded on your door, she waited a bit “If you don’t come out in the next minute, I will assume you’re sick and I’ll come in, whether you are dressed or not”.

“I’m still getting ready” you told her.

“How? Just choose the aquamarine bikini set, the side tie and triangle bikini ones, as I’ve told you before it definitely has the least coverage and Leah lets you wear it, and you always wear it, it’s your favourite, every time after I tell you to put it on you thank me, just chuck it on and let’s go” for some reason these words caused a tear to roll down your cheek, as you stared down at the bikini set that was laid out on your bed in front of you, the exact set Alessia said to put on, however there was one problem, it didn’t fit anymore, you tried it on last night and it didn’t fit, you had developed slightly since the last time you wore it and now it would be considered inappropriate to wear, you didn’t see it that way though in your mind you were too fat to fit into your own bikini.

“Less, just go down and meet the girls I’ll be like 5 minutes, I promise,” you said trying to get Alessia off your back, you felt as though you would break any second and you didn’t want Alessia there when you did.

“No, I’m waiting, why aren’t you ready yet though? You’ve had all morning, quite literally. Are you okay?” Alessia said back, she had some idea of what might be happening behind that door, she could feel it in the air, you were going to break, and she promised the girls she would help you and that they didn’t need to worry.

“I just can’t find them, I-I’m fine ” You said whilst your voice broke a little, ‘shit’ you thought to yourself, she will know something is not right and she won’t leave.

“Well, I hope you have pants on because I’m coming in,” she said half-jokingly, half seriously, whilst flinging your door open. “Um… what are these?” She said as she picked up the bikini set off the bed. Tears started streaming down your face as she looked over to you, you were caught. “Hey, what’s up?” She asked in a soft tone, you didn’t reply and slid down the wall, your knees were up near your chest as you hugged your legs, your head placed on your knees, your body started shaking from your sobs.

You heard Alessia’s footsteps, and then the creek of the door, then her footsteps stopped, maybe everyone was right, maybe no one actually liked you, Alessia just saw you start sobbing and left, maybe you were just a burden, maybe no one cared about you, maybe they wanted you gone, maybe …. “Y/N” your thought train was interrupted, Alessia was back, she sat down next to you and pulled you into her lap, at first you resisted but you gave up, she lightly pushed your head into her neck, and immediately you let your body relax against hers, you were still shaking from your crying and Alessia just let you sit there while she held you tightly rubbing your back. “Hey, can you drink some water for me?” Alessia said, her voice laced with concern, it had been at least five minutes, and you hadn’t calmed down, reluctantly you took the water bottle of her and took some small sips. “Thank you, now I think we both know what is going on here, but I would like to hear it from you,” she said, you knew this was coming honestly you expected this conversation weeks ago when you snapped at her but it didn’t mean you were prepared for it at all, you let out a sigh, “I promise I’m here for you, I won’t leave you alone, I’ll be here for you every step of the way, I’ll help you, your like my little sister, I care about you and I want to help, but I need you to tell me what’s up,” she said, a tear rolled down her check she knew the pain you were feeling and wished she could make it magically disappear but she couldn’t.

“I’m f-fat,” you cried out.

“That’s not true, you know that”.

“Yes, it is, I got my period, I don’t fit into my bikini and I-”

“Oh baby girl,” Alessia cuts you off pulling you in tighter, she didn’t need the rest, she had seen it, they girls had seen it, but they had hoped you hadn’t but obviously you had, “I promise you, you are most definitely not fat, getting your period just means that you’re getting healthy, and maturing and every girl grew out of their clothes at one stage, I grew out of multiple bikinis at your age and I still do but that doesn’t mean I’m fat does it? I promise none of us think that your fat, or unfit and I swear on my life that every single girl in this team would do anything for you, we all care about you so much and we all love you so much,”

“Okay, I-I’m sorry” you replied to her, you had slightly calmed down but tears were still streaming down your face.

“For what?” Alessia asked confused, “Being a burden”.

“Baby, you know you’re not a burden, this isn’t your fault, we will get you help okay, I can talk to the girls, to Leah but you will also have to talk to her yourself, I’ll help you, I can come with you to see Jonas, we can make a plan with Leah, and I promise every single girl on the team will also be with you every step of the way okay?”

“Okay, can we stay here for a bit?” You ask.

“Well, I think the girls are getting a little worried, what if we go down to the swimwear store and I buy you some new swimmers, whatever you like and then we can go to the beach, and you don’t have to swim if you don’t want to, I can stay with you if you want, but I think we should at least go down to the beach.” Alessia said as she dragged you up, she grabbed you both towels, hats and she grabbed her sunnies. You followed her down to the swim store and bought a nice set of bathers.

You made your way to the beach, Leah stood up and walked over to you, “Are you okay?” she asked as she gave you a hug, looking at Alessia for an answer as to why your face was puffy and tear stained, “She will be okay, we’ll talk about it later, let’s just enjoy our beach day first” Leah’s brow furrowed but she nodded her head, Leah trusted Alessia, so she decided to leave it until the end of the day. You were nervous for the conversation that was to be had at the end of the day but for now you decided to enjoy your beach day, but it was a bit more relaxed today you sat and talked with the older girls rather than messing about with the younger girls, you even fell asleep while tanning, you woke up to Leah reapplying your sunscreen and as promised Alessia stayed with you all day.

[lazycats-stuff]

Hey! Can you do a Tim Drake x M!Reader where the reader is telling Tim about how he wants to get back with his ex and Tim can’t help but feel jealous. And when the reader talks about wanting to message his ex Tim finally had enough and confesses

Btw I love ur work sm!!❤️❤️

Oh yeah, my baby Tim. It's been a while since I wrote for him. Also, I'm glad you like my work.

Summary: Tim is crushing on (Y/N), but (Y/N) wants to get back with his ex.

Warnings: fluff, Tim is so in love with (Y/N), both of them are just cute, misunderstands?

(Y/N) and Tim were friends for a long time. (Y/N) is also one of the rare people outside of the family that knew his secret identity and Tim was allowed to crash at (Y/N)'s place if he was too tired to even go back to the manor or to his place.

Sometimes he would put a few things there, just in case his father wanted to make him rest. Tim has a lot of work, can you blame him? (Y/N) would make him some coffee, but when Tim was overworked he made sure to make Tim rest and eat.

Bruce approved of (Y/N) seeing how he cared about Tim and made sure he rested. Bruce had a problem with making sure that Tim rested since he is one stubborn guy. Alfred was happy that Tim has such a good friend to look after him.

But there was on slight issue on Tim's side. A small one. It's called a crush. Tim was so in love with (Y/N) that it hurt. When his crush started, (Y/N) was with his boyfriend and they were happy and Tim wasn't going to become a homewrecker and a horrible friend that breaks a relationship.

No. To Tim, it would be wrong and (Y/N) is happy so why bother with his feelings? Tim was happy and content as (Y/N) was also happy and content. It was all god for 2 years, until (Y/N)'s boyfriend has cheated.

Tim was mad beyond belief and he wanted to go after him and wanted to ruin him completely, but (Y/N) needed him more and he needed comfort more than revenge. And he didn't want to get revenge on his ex, despite being mad and angry at himself.

Tim assured him that nothing can say that the cheating was excused. You can't blame somebody else for your cheating. It's a choice that people make and luckily for Tim, (Y/N) had standards and refused to beg to get back with his ex.

Tim was happy that (Y/N) chose ignore his ex and that he could and would start healing. And that time, Tim wanted to confess, but he couldn't. It would be not only bad timing, but some sort of pressure too.

After being cheated on, your heart needs a break and it needs to heal. Tim didn't want to hurt his friend even more. So he was there for (Y/N) in every way he could be. Tim would be the one making sure he ate, slept, showered and tried to make sure that he wasn't just sleeping all day.

Everyone needs to get some exercise everyday and it would make your body and mind better and clearer too. Everything was fine to Tim and was happy for it to stay that way. Everything was fine, according to Tim.

But nothing can last forever.

Tim and (Y/N) would be hanging out when everything was starting to boil. And boy, was it going to boil over.

" I want to get back with my ex. "

Those eight words made Tim freeze and then whip his head around to look at (Y/N) in pure disbelief. No. Not now. Please God not now. Not when he was slowly gathering the courage to confess to (Y/N). Not now.

" What? " Tim asked, confused beyond belief, but still shocked none the less. " Why? " Tim asked again confused. Why would (Y/N) get his heart broken again? Why? It's a rule that you don't get back with cheaters.

That is an universal rule that is not meant to be broken. Why is (Y/N) thinking about breaking that rule?

" He texted me, asking me to get back together. I thought about it and told him so and after thinking about it, I wanted to see where it leads. " (Y/N) said and Tim felt like somebody took a knife and stabbed him in the chest, right through the heart. And then twisted.

Harshly.

Tim swallowed quietly as he listened to (Y/N). He adjusted on the couch. His throat felt dry beyond belief and he just wanted to fly out of here. Just through the window. Right now.

" As a friend, I can't allow it. He will cheat on you. If he did once, he will do it again. And your heart will be broken for the second time then! " Tim said, raising his voice slightly. He has never done that with his friend, with his (Y/N) and (Y/N)'s eyes widened in shock.

" Tim- " (Y/N) started, but Tim was fired up.

" No! He hurt you, broke your heart and left you for someone else! And you want to go back to him?! " Tim asked, pacing around (Y/N)'s apartment living room. (Y/N) has never seen this type of behavior from Tim. He was normally chill and relaxed.

Never like this.

" You were so- so- Down after the break up! I had to make sure you were taking care of yourself! Just like you did to me! And to think that disloyal bastard broke your heart! " Tim stopped himself and took a deep breath.

If he doesn't do this now, he will lose (Y/N) forever.

And he can't lose the best thing that has happened to him in a long time. He won't let it happen.

" I can treat you better than he can. I love you more than he could ever love you... I would never ever cheat on you. I would rather slit my wrists. And what I'm trying to say is that I love you. I have loved you for a while now and I can understand if you want to go back to your ex- " Tim paused when (Y/N) got up and walked up to Tim.

Tim expected the biggest heartbreak of his life. He has seen many things in his life as a vigilante, faced many foes and enemies, even death.

And that didn't scare him as this moment right now.

(Y/N) did something that would shock him however. Something that Tim could only dream off.

(Y/N) grabbed him by the collar and kissed him. Tim was shocked at first, but wasted no time wrapping his arms around him, bringing him as close as he possibly could. Tim felt like he has entered heaven and he never wanted to leave.

The two kissed for God knows how long, just wrapped up in one another. But human biology needed some air and the two had to part for air, but still remained close to one another.

" So... " Tim started, slowly trying to regain his ability to speak.

" I like you Tim. I think I was I blind enough to not see it. And when I broke up with my ex, I realized I had feelings for you, but I didn't want this to change between us in case you weren't into me." (Y/N) said, looking away from Tim. " When he texted me, I decided to see your reaction. I know, not a smart idea, but I couldn't be direct. I was scared. " (Y/N) admitted and Tim sighed, amused.

He reached up to touch (Y/N)'s cheek, cupping it. (Y/N) leaned into the touch, grateful that Tim is really reciprocating and that his feelings weren't really one sided.

" Well, I'm glad that you like me back too. Now, can we go bed? I'm tired and you have patrol later. "(Y/N) requested and Tim nodded, picking (Y/N) up as if he was a bride.

(Y/N) laughed as Tim carried him and then plopped him down on the bed before taking his clothes off, leaving his boxers on. (Y/N) changed quickly into his pajamas consisting of Tim's shirt and some comfortable sweatpants.

The two quickly got under the covers and Tim has wrapped him into his arms. He just wanted nothing more than this to last forever.

" Tim? " (Y/N) called out into the darkness.

" Yes? "

" I love you. " (Y/N) whispered and Tim buried his head into the back of (Y/N)'s neck.

" I love you too. "

[martiandmichelle]

While at the annual conference for the southeastern gathering for my agency I wanted to do a photo op with me (age 73) and some 23-year-old models; in other words, models 50 years younger than I. Kind of like trophy photos for me. So here's one such photo with me surrounded by these two hot young ladies. We could be triplets, don't you think? 🤔😉😁

That conference was perhaps the culmination of a 4 month long revelation for me. Well, maybe revelation isn't the right word, maybe it's more like a metamorphosis which began back in November '23 on the fourth anniversary of my son's death which, for some reason, I took harder than the previous ones. Soon thereafter I came down with a drawn out battle with the RSV which was scary for this 73-year-old. Then my daughter Michelle and her wife Maria got divorced followed shortly by Roxy (my wife) and I also divorcing (new revelation in this post!). I was depressed and feeling stupidly sorry for myself. By late January my body had had enough of my mind and my heart as if to say "Get the fuck out of your doldrums! We're a team, remember! Here, I'll show the way, but you must follow!"

And did my body ever show the way! It hooked the rest of me by getting me on the fastest and most sustained breast growth which is still ongoing. So one day in February I took a look in the mirror and thought "Damn! My tits are getting beyond huge!" That got me working on the rest of me. First, Dana (my 'boss' and physical therapist) and my nutritionist (Gail) and I mapped out a healthy weight gain program which included rather strenuous exercise for someone my age (with a doctor's OK, of course). Second, I finally caved into something I had fought against for years: a face lift! I was worried as fuck that I would end up looking fake when it was done, all drawn and tight. I went to a highly respected surgeon in Texas and found my worry unfounded - I do look 25 years younger!

My doldrums, by then, were far behind me in my life's rear view mirror. As I mentioned in an earlier post, while spending the weekend with a paying customer, he was thrilled with my somewhat new look and suggested I go to the spring agency conference for the southeast US (which I hadn't gone to in years) and my ebulliency over by new look and ever-growing boobs I agreed.

And, I think, that experience has changed my life forever.

And now, here I am.

OK, I'll stop here cause I become afraid many of you guys. I wanted to start explaining everything so I can start writing about my new life. I realize this post probably raised more questions that it answered like: "Wait, did she say she and Roxy got divorced?!?" I'll get to that shortly. So hang on and we'll get started in a new direction from where I was headed.

Love,

Marti

[aylacavebear]

She Thought She was Normal

Story Summary: Maria really thought she was normal, for most of her life. It was normal for people to have natural talent, she would tell herself the older she got. Many things came easy for her, and that was probably how their rivalry began when she was five and he was seven and she met the Winchesters. Little did either of them know that it wouldn't stay like that forever, both having a far larger destiny than they could imagine

Word Count: 1688

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will eventually be 18+!

Warnings: Childhood Rivalry

----------------------------------------- Chapter 3

Her alarm woke her promptly at five. She did her typical morning routine, only today, she put her hair up in a braid, preparing for the challenge with Dean. The sun wasn't up yet and the house was quiet, but she could hear the faint sounds of birds outside, beginning to wake up.

When she went into the kitchen, she noticed the boys sleeping in the living room, so moved quietly into the kitchen. Bobby had picked up a few of her favorite cereals when he found out she'd be staying with him, so she grabbed what she needed and went back into her room to eat at her desk. While she ate, she read through some of her assigned book, so her lesson would go faster later. After breakfast, she did her exercises and movements with her knife and gun, as her father had shown her.

Her thoughts drifted a bit during her routine, back to the book she'd read the night before. There were things she'd read that she had almost brushed off as just coincidence. Things she could do that Nephilim could also do. Even now, there was too much information missing for her to connect all the dots since the book did explain that the mother of the Nephilim always died in childbirth and her mother hadn’t.

“So, you ready?” Dean asked from her doorway. 

She'd been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she hadn't even heard him open her door, and because her gun was in her hand, she swung around and had it aimed at him in seconds.

He put his hands up, almost worried she might shoot him, “Chill. It's just me.”

She let out a breath and lowered her gun before sliding it back under her pillow, “Sorry. Lemme go wake up Sammy, I promised. Then I’ll be ready.”

He nodded as they headed out to the living room, where Sammy was still sleeping on the couch. Dean was confident that this time, he’d win. She gently woke him up. When he realized why she was waking him up, he quickly threw on his shoes, a huge grin on his face.

Dean made a mental note not to sneak up on her if she had a weapon on her. He motioned for her to follow him as he headed out to the back of Bobby's scrapyard. The sun had almost broken the horizon. Maria took note of where he led her, the way the sun would make its rays of light across the yard, and how it could affect the throws. He marked an X on the wooden fence and then stepped back ten feet. She watched him, curiously as he pulled out his knives.

“We’ll start at ten feet and work up to twenty. The one who gets closest to the target, wins,” he explained, with that damned smirk on his face again.

“Alright,” she said plainly, crossing her arms.

He wasn’t bad, she had to give him that. His first throw almost hit the X in the center, as did his second at twelve feet. However, his third throw at fifteen feet was further from the center of the X, which made her raise an eyebrow. When he got to twenty feet through, his aim was worse. Dean marked where he had landed the hits as he pulled out the knives before handing them to her. The smug look on his face only made her roll her eyes.

“Good luck,” he told her, crossing his arms and leaning against the closest car, hoping that this time, he had her.

“I don’t need luck,” she replied, a cocky smirk on her lips.

It didn’t matter how far away she was from the target, she lined up all four of the knives almost dead center of the target. Bobby had been watching them from the second-story bedroom window, smiling. Sammy was smiling from ear to ear and had stayed quiet the entire time. Dean was fuming on the inside. He had no idea how she kept beating him in these challenges he came up with and it was more than annoying now. He walked over and removed the knives, not saying a word to either of them. She casually shrugged her shoulders and headed back to the house, leaving Dean in the scrapyard, Sammy following behind her, practically skipping.

Bobby met the two in the kitchen, getting himself a cup of coffee, “Not bad, kid. How long has your dad been having you practice with throwing knives? It’s not an easy skill.” 

“A couple years now. He said I was a natural. Why?” she asked him, tilting her head slightly.

“Knife throwing isn’t something easy that just anyone can learn. Plus, some people just can’t do it at all,” he answered her.

Maria thought about his words and glanced at the window in the kitchen. She couldn’t see Dean but had a feeling he was out there practicing more since he hadn’t followed them back inside. She decided that she would at least give him some recognition for as well as he did. To her, it just seemed like the right thing to do. Bobby could almost see the wheels turning in her mind, which made him smile.

“I’m gonna guess you already ate breakfast,” he stated as he looked back toward the window.

“Yes, but Sammy hasn’t. I’m going to get started on my lessons for the day,” she replied before heading back to her room.

Bobby chuckled to himself as Sammy got himself some cereal for breakfast. Bobby then headed back to his desk and glanced toward where her room was, thinking back to when her mother was alive and the conversation he’d had with his brother-in-law when Maria had been conceived. He wondered if she had any idea what she really was and why her mother had been killed five years ago or if William had kept it a secret from her. These were all things he’d attempted to ask William about but he had always dodged the topic.

Dean came back in the house a couple hours later, tossing his knives in his bag, frustrated, “How does she do it, every damn time?” he grumbled.

Bobby chuckled quietly, not looking up from his book, “She’s different, kid.”

“She’s annoying is what she is,” he grumbled, sitting down on the couch.

“Go get some breakfast and quit your bellyaching,” he told Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes but didn’t argue. Sammy had been sitting on the other end of the couch, doing his best not to laugh at his brother for losing to a girl, yet again, as Bobby had been clear not to rub it in. Sammy went back to his schoolwork though, even if he was still grinning.

Maria came out of her room about a half hour later, the book she’d been reading and her journal in hand, “I’m done with my morning lessons Uncle Bobby,” she told him as she stood in front of his desk.

He looked up at her and took her books, “Did you want to say something to Dean first?” he asked.

She pursed her lips for a moment, “Yes,” she answered.

He nodded a bit, “Go do that and I’ll take a look at this before your quiz,” he told her.

Maria took a deep breath before she walked into the kitchen, seeing Dean sitting down at the table. She took note of his expression. He looked almost defeated but at the same time, he looked as though he had a deep determination in his eyes as he read the book in front of him. He’d always been hard for her to read since she’d met him since the challenges between them had started. She noticed how he could easily hide what he was really feeling or thinking about. He may have been annoying, but at the same time, she was impressed with him.

“Hey, Dean,” she said, a softness mixed with her confidence as she sat down across from him, “I wanted to tell you that you did really well earlier, with the knife throwing. I didn’t know it was something difficult to learn and my dad’s had me doing it for a couple years now,” she explained, sounding as genuine as she could. 

Dean was surprised at what she’d said, it only adding to her complexity and mystery, as well as him still finding her annoying, “Yeah, thanks,” he practically mumbled, keeping an expression to match.

She narrowed her eyes slightly and took a deep breath through her nose before she got up and walked back over to her Uncle’s desk, “I’m ready for my quiz.”

Bobby had heard what she’d said to Dean, and it had made him smile a bit. She had tried, and she was ten after all. In his mind, she’d said it fairly well for her age. He quizzed her on what she read, even trying to trip her up. If he ever had to admit it, he only tried to trip her up because he loved hearing her be able to correct him, having actually learned the material and not just skimmed over it to find the base parts of it all. He knew he didn’t say it enough, but he was beyond proud of her.

She took her books back to her room after the quiz, making sure her door was closed so she could read more of the book on Angels. Maria was completely fascinated by it and had no idea why she was drawn to the information. She’d never read anything on angels before, not even sure if they existed. Although, as her mind would argue, how could there be demons without angels, the world needing the duality, the balance? Maria knew she couldn’t ask any of the adults in her life, as they’d want to know where she’d heard of or learned the information from, as it wasn’t on any of her list of reading materials. She looked up from the book and sighed, then closed it and slid it back under her pillow.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 4

Tag List: @deans-spinster-witch @kazsrm67

Link to the master list for this story.

[delusionalmultifandomwriter]

Heyy, can you do a fic, where Batman and Robin are driving through Gotham, relax and talk about life, while they get something to eat? Something cosy for a chill night story?

Oneshot

words: 1220

because you didnt specify, i picked Dick as Robin for this oneshot

Note: Dick is around 13 years old, takes place somewhere during the start of YJ S1.

Dick Grayson had an awful day at school. He nearly fell asleep during history class which luckily noone noticed but still he hated it, trying to keep his eyes open when all he wanted was to sleep for a full 24 hours, after that he slept through his lunch break and froze off his toes in the cold January weather while he tried to perform in a football game.

Normally, Dick was excited when Bruce came home because it meant that he would get to either do some training or go on patrol very soon. Tonight, he was sitting on the living room floor, laying on his English exercise book on the couch table and wanted to stay inside for the rest of his life time. Or at least until the snow started to melt.

Bruce entered the house and hanged his coat to dry next to the door. He made his way into the living room were he spotted Dick laying on his textbooks. "Are you trying to do or to crush your homework?" He asked smiling. Dick huffed and buried his face deeper into his arms.

"That bad?" Bruce's tone changed into a more concerned one as he approach Dick and sat down on the couch next to the boy. Dick grumbled something inaudible into his sweater sleeve.

"Come on, you have to talk to me. You are clearly not feeling the aster." Bruce said with a half-smirk. Dick groaned and lifted his head. "Im feeling the dis-aster." He groaned. Bruce leaned foreward and took a glance at Dick's textbook. "Shakespear, i see. That definitly is a disaster. What have you got so far?" He asked.

"The 'eye of heaven' is the sun." Dick grumbled. "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day." Bruce said dramatic. "I see." "I'll just google it." Dick mumbled and buried his head back into his arms. Bruce nudged Dick playfully. "Richard Grayson, i will pretend that i didn't hear that." He scolded him playfully.

Dick giggled and sat up to nudge Bruce back. Bruce parried the attack of the boy gently. Dick sat down next to him. "Do you want to go for a ride and eat some unhealthy food?" Bruce suggested. Dick smiled widely. "Yes please." Bruce got up and waved for him to come with him. "Come on, before Alfred catches us and forces nutritional dense food on us."

Dick smiled and followed Bruce, he swiftly put on his winter boots and his jacket. Bruce also put his coat back on and they headed into the garage to get into the car. The boy sat down on the passenger seat and put his seat belt on excisted.



Dick was eating some fries when Bruce pulled back on the street. They sat in silence until now but as Bruce drove through the streets he finally broke the silence. "So, is it only Shakespear that annoyed you today or did something else happen?"

Dick shrugged as an answer. "I don't know, today was just... mid." School was boring and we had PE outside and i was tired. It was all... okay." Bruce nodded while he sipped his coke. "I see. Want to talk about it?" He offered. Dick swallowed some fries he was munching on. He shook his head. "Not really. Just forget about it." He grumbled, the lights of Gotham passed by outside as Bruce drove outside of the city.

"Are we going on patrol later?" Dick asked. Bruce leaned back into his seat, holding the steering wheel with one hand. "If you want but i wouldn't mind when you stay in tonight and catch up on some sleep." Dick nodded and shrugged. "I don't know." Bruce smiled over at him. "You can still decide when we get home, you look like you could use a night off."

Dick sighed. "Do you think i can stay Robin forever?" He asked hesitantly. Bruce was not too shocked by the question, Wonder Woman brought the topic up a few times before.

"If you want, you can stay Robin forever." He answered. Dick nodded pensive as he looked out of the window. "If you ever want to become another alter ego, you can, of course. But you can always stay my partner." Bruce added. Dick smiled down on his milkshake before he took another sip.

"But don't you even dare calling yourself 'Captain Obvious', in that case i will have to end our partnership." Dick laughed. "It was Wally's idea, i swear." He argued. Bruce shook his head unbelieving but smiled a little. "That boy is full of bad ideas. Who even brought that topic up?"

"It's just... it was M'gann. She asked what connects us. I'm sure she didn't mean it but.... yeah." Dick said, Bruce could hear the sorrow in his voice. "Because our costumes have nothing in common."

Bruce huffed. "M'gann is still learning about earth." Dick shrugged. "I always thought people would know we belong together. We complement eachother perfect." He grumbled. "That's true. Well, at least all the villains we arrested know we are a team." Dick chuckled at Bruce's response.

"Do you like the team so far?" Bruce asked curiously. Dick nodded. "Yeah, it's amazing. Im excited to go on real missions with them. Although, Superboy doesn't really like the aster." Bruce chuckled. "I think he just doesn't get it." He answered. "He is also just getting used to earth. And also to your humour."

Dick nodded smiling. "Yeah, took you a while too." Bruce pretended to gasp dramatic. "I am outraged, although, you are probably right. You were a handful when i first took you in. You still are." Bruce chuckled.

"What did you hate most about me?" Dick asked straight away. Bruce huffed. "I took you in, i loved you. Although, you leaving all your stuff around in the manor probably put some stress on Alfred." Dick laughed. "Yeah, maybe." "You still leave your shoes everywhere." Bruce teased Dick.

Dick chuckled sheepishly. "Yeah... it is so i can.. ugh... for a top secret reason." Dick said and nodded fast. Bruce laughed. "Of course it is."

"Would you adopt another kid?" Dick asked between eating more fries. Bruce looked on the street thoughtful and stole a fries from Dick before answering. "Maybe. I never thought about adopting a kid when i took you in but i didn't regret you for a second. Maybe, if it happens. Would you like a sibling?"

Dick thought about it a moment. "I don't know. I never had a sibling before, i was always the only child. I like that it is only you and me for now. Maybe one day." Bruce nodded solemnly. "Sounds good." "What did you like most about taking me in?" Dick asked curiously.

Bruce thought for a moment before he smiled to himself. "I was very fond of your 'hug attacks'." Dick laughed in response. "You haven't done that in a while, how come?" Bruce asked. "I thought i was getting too heavy for it. I could probably knock you over." He admited sheepishly.

Bruce smirked. "Nothing, can knock over The Batman." Dick nodded slowly. "So... can i do it?" He asked. "Always, even when you are taller than me." Bruce answered quickly. Dick smirked. "I will attack you when you least expect it, Bossman."

[alonetimelover]

Action! - blurb - FIRST DATE - 2017

Pairings: Harry Styles x Director!Reader (she/her)

Category: fluff

Summary: short story abut two people being nervous on their first date

Word count: ~ 2,8k

series masterlist

2017

Being 20 wasn’t as carefree as she imagined. Maybe if she wasn’t who she was, or doing the job she truly loved, it would be different, easier. It didn’t mean she was miserable. It was challenging to manoeuvre between being a student and being a full time director. It cost her many sleepless nights, an uncountable amount of wet tissues, numerous cups of coffee and tons of concealer under her eyes.

She was living alone in London, leaving her family behind in their home. It was hard to get accustomed to the new life. Meeting people was probably the hardest. And being shy didn’t help that.

So, when she met Florence during her first year in London, living there started being enjoyable. She was the sister she never had, best friend she could trust, a companion to explore the World. 

But right now, when she was sitting in front of her mirror that she had forgotten to clean, she was nervous. 5:46 p.m. Just fourteen minutes for breathing exercises, managing that one strand of hair to stay in its place. Too little time to calm down. She definitely was lacking experience. Dating experience. 

“It’s just a date, YN. It will be fine,” Florence said, massaging YN’s shoulders. 

“Fine? Do you remember who this date is with? I don’t know why I said yes in the first place. Mistake. Big mistake,” she said, throwing her hands up and down while talking. “He couldn’t be serious. It’s friendly at most.” 

“If tonight’s date,” she emphasised, “was friendly, I think he wouldn't take you to the poshest restaurant in London, babe.” Florence pinned a persistent strand of YN's hair with a slide and kissed her head.  

“He’s rich, that’s why it’s the poshest one! And he’s also, like - I don’t know - the gold rush or something. Everybody wants him.”

“New experience. A lesson. One call away. Deal.” YN listed what sounded the most important to her.

“Okay.” Florence crouched in front of YN and squeezed her hands. “Listen to me carefully. I know you feel self-conscious and afraid. It’s something new for you, something left-field. And I know it makes you scared. But you don’t need to be. Try to think about it like a new experience in your notebook. Experience that you will learn from and some positives will come out of it for sure. A lesson." Florence sat on her calves, getting somewhat comfortable.

"You said he’s a great dude, I heard the same about him. Let’s give it a chance. Remember, I’m just one call away. If he tries something you don’t like, you call me. I’m beating his ass then." Young woman laughed and continued, "New experience. If you don’t like it, you won’t go on a second one. Deal?” Florence ended her monologue with a smile on her face. 

Girls kissed their cheeks and hugged until their flat’s bell rang. YN looked at her friend with nothing but fear in her gorgeous eyes. 

“Relax. I’m getting the door, and giving him a piece of my mind. You’re touching up your hair and putting those shoes on. Do you need more than two minutes?” Florence was already near the bedroom's door. 

“No. Two minutes are enough. Thank you, Flo.”

The blonde just smiled at her and moved as quick as a flash to the front door. YN, still sitting before the mirror, took three deep breaths. Having never been on a real date was nerve-wracking. She hoped there weren’t special rules for whatever happens during the date. Maybe her outfit wasn’t enough? Or too much? It was a light-coloured dress with long sleeves. Shoes, she was putting on weren't newest but comfortable. She probably should wear high heels. Or at least something fancier. Perhaps, make-up would be…

“YN! Don't make us wait forever for you, babe!” 

And just like that she left the room. 

She couldn’t remember whatever Florence said to her while leaving. Everything just flew over her head. She was so overwhelmed. Just an experience. One call away. She was hearing Flo’s words in her mind over and over again. Try to have fun. He’s a good guy. Trust your guts.

She heard the doors locking behind her, with the sound of a coming lift following. She never realised that the corridor’s walls were painted beige. Or the floor having some funny patterns. 

“YN, are you okay?” 

After hearing the voice she finally looked up. When she met his eyes she knew that whatever happens and waits for them, she didn’t want to ever look away. 

“Do you feel alright?”

“Yeah,” she cleared her throat. “I’m good. I’m good.” 

They entered the lift and Harry pressed ‘0’. When the lift moved loudly, she took a moment to breathe out. He heard it, she thought. He must have heard it. But even if he did, he never said anything. He was humming some melody, a bouquet of field flowers grasped tightly in his ringed hand. He’s nervous, too.

The lift’s ding! whipped her out of her thoughts. They both moved arm to arm to the main doors. 

“M’lady,” he said, holding the doors open for her. 

She nodded her head in gratitude and moved along. The chilly April wind hit her face, making her shiver. She loved cool days, wearing woollen socks and big scarfs. Enjoying the grey sky and greening trees. The flowers that just started blossoming and birds that chirped songs familiar only to them. Nature coming to life. Spring. 

“My car is near Tesco. I didn’t know if you would have a parking spot for an extra. I hope you don’t mind. It’s quite cold.” Harry expressed with furrowed eyebrows evidently bothered by the wind. 

“Of course not. I should tell you that there is a car park near the complex. Florence has a spot left for guests. Sorry about that.” YN smiled at him, hoping he wouldn’t be mad. 

Harry smiled back, “well I’ll know for the next time.” When he didn’t hear anything back, any move, word, sound, he spoke up frantically, “or not. I mean, it’s - it’s our first date so, there’s no pressure. Yeah?”

Harry was a nervous wreck right now. He might have had some experience in dating, or at least going on dates (he didn’t really have time to actually date people) but somehow he felt different today. The word ‘different’ didn’t make this situation justice, only made it barely close to the mark. Maybe it was the weather. He didn’t love London's weather but he didn’t loathe it either. It all came down to travelling so much. He weaned himself of rainy and greyish days. Having spent so much time in the States (sunny California) or in Jamaica (where he had written his album) made him get used to the sun which he actually had hated while being a young boy.

Though, let’s face the truth. It wasn’t the cold temperature and grey clouds, or the rusty clock heard in the distance (that would usually drive him up the wall), or even the wind blowing in his eyes (making it strenuous to simply see). It was her. Just her. 

When his eyes first met hers (it would sound cheesy) but his world stopped at once. Not like Noah’s when he first saw Allie. No. He wouldn’t have climbed up the big wheel to ask her on a date (he was scared of heights). But when she was standing in front of him with those eyes looking right into his, he felt like she was looking right at his soul. He felt naked. Metaphorically naked. He couldn’t bring himself to gaze away, to say anything. He just stood opposite her. And right then he knew, after filming whatever she had written for his music video, he was going to ask her out. 

“You’ve picked a nice bouquet of flowers,” she pointed out, not wanting to accidentally hurt him by saying something wrong. 

Harry felt he fucked up. The date was supposed to go like this: get to her flat, ring the bell, smile and greet her, give her flowers, tell her she looks beautiful (he didn’t need to know what she would wear, he knew she would look astonishing), take her hand, drive her to the restaurant, eat a nice diner, talk to her, take her on a walk, drive her home, and hope she liked everything to go on another date with you. For now, he did do the first two of the list. 

He could see a pattern. Whenever he enjoyed something, it would make him excited and then, somehow it would all go to shit. It was like that with the guitar he had gotten from his dad. It was a one of a kind piece, made specifically for him. It was engraved with his name. He played it for exactly two days. After those two, wonderful days the guitar got smashed by the bookshelf. How did the bookshelf collapse, someone could ask?

Well, when Harry bought his new house he decided to be A MAN (yes, he sometimes also thought too stereotypically, but he was working on it) and put all the furniture together, by himself. He spent two weeks having not been seen by anybody, a caveman in the mansion. It started pretty good. The dining table and chairs came together nicely. The wardrobe was a biggy. But he managed (he literally high fived himself after placing the last screw in the back of it). Then there was the bed, whatnots, cabinets and more chairs and small tables. The last one was the infamous bookshelf. It started easy, a few shelves held by screws and small doors here and there. The tricky part was the legs. You needed to level them. But Harry didn’t have a level so he did the one thing a man could do. No he didn’t ask for help. He did it more or less. 

Firstly, when he put the books in their designated place, the bookshelf held up firmly. And then he placed the guitar right in front of it, just because. That was the perfect time for the books to overload and make the bookshelf collapse. 

Another time was when he had a song idea. These days he could remember it was really good, probably the best he had ever written. How did it went to shit? Just like his homework as a kid. His mum’s cat had eaten the page where the song was written. Talking about luck. What's more, the cat got ill and had to go on antibiotics (something about ink irritating poor cat’s bowels). 

Long story short, whenever Harry was excited it all would go to shit eventually. 

“They’re for you,” Harry finally whispered embarrassedly. “I - I don’t usually - do this,” he threw the finger between them. “I’m - “ Breathe Harry. “I’m just nervous.”

“Me too. Like really nervous. Like right before doing the monologue before twenty people, kinda nervous. Like the shivers going down your spine. But not the good shivers, the bad ones. The ones you feel while bein’ in the Haunted House? You know there’s something that’s going to scare you, but you’re afraid either way.” She was rambling. 

“Yeah. Those are the worst. Whenever I’m at something like that I’m looking from behind my fingers. I recommend that.” Harry smiled, looking at her sheepishly. They were bonding over being nervous around each other. What a way to start a date. 

“Here. They’re for you.” He handed her the flowers which already lost their extra fresh look. Still looked beautiful in YN’s mind. 

“Thank you. I like that they’re field ones. Makes them more special. Did you pick them up yourself?”

“I did. I’ve got quite a wildlife garden that I could finally put to good use. I hope they somehow match each other.”

“They look beautiful together. Thank you, it’s really thoughtful of you.” 

They finally rushed to Harry’s car. The wind was blowing to their faces, slowing them down. Hands slightly brushing, sending their hair to stand on their arms. They walked in silence, with Harry showing her way with almost unnoticeable right hand movements. The air smelt like rain and freshly mowed lawn with a hint of blossoming apple trees nearby. The sun set just over a dozen minutes ago taking the sky’s loveable look. 

The date was going well. Very well. Besides Harry tripping over some nice lady’s chair and YN spilling some wine on her dress. They fell into a peaceful conversation, connecting over their love for music (especially Fleetwood Mac, David Bowie and Prince), good food (even though Harry cannot cook) and poetry. During those two hours in the restaurant they laughed more than they did in the past few months.

“You can’t avoid the answer, YN. I need the truth,” Harry challenged YN after she refused to admit her favourite Fleetwood Mac’s album. 

“I can and I will,” she smirked at him, taking a sip of a dry champagne. “This champagne is so good. D’you know what it is?”

“You’re changing the subject.” He was shaking his head with a playful disappointment painted on his flushed face. “We can ask the waiter when he brings your dessert. Or -” he dragged the ‘o’ reaching for the menu, “it should be here.”

YN bowed over the table, trying to read as much as possible. Her eyebrows shot up after seeing the prices she previously hadn’t paid any attention to. 

“He said dry, white and vintage French champagne, didn't he?” Harry asked rather rhetorically, looking into her eyes. Waiter did emphasise the story of the champagne pretty extensively.

“Yeah, and the story about the monk that started it all.”

“That's right. Alright,” Harry hugged the menu to his chest so YN wouldn’t be able to see the name, “drumrolls, please.” He looked at the woman opposite him provocatively.

“You really are a performer, aren’t you?” She expressed with a laugh but did the drumming motions of her two pointing fingers, hitting the table quietly.

“Dom Pérignon. And now tell me the album.” 

She didn’t. That night Fleetwood Mac wasn’t discussed. Right after Harry closed his mouth, the waiter brought the cake. The pair shared it, making a small conversation about their upcoming plans and projects.

At one point Harry spotted a fan, taking a picture. Then, for a moment, he stopped feeling like Harry, he, once again, was Harry Styles, not a person but a celebrity to follow and disturb (sometimes unconsciously).

Harry didn’t mind fans, he loved them. Without them, he wouldn’t have been the artist he was. And all that didn’t mean that he was okay with constantly having his life being talked about on the internet, to having his photos from grocery shopping there, or his mother’s address being leaked. He appreciated fans and the opportunity they had given him while hating the life he had at the same time. Constantly feeling overwhelmed, without a moment to take a breath and live in the present. Constantly being exhausted. 

That’s why he needed to present all of this to YN.

“Well, it’s a lot to digest. I - I was nervous before the date because of those reasons, to be honest. But at the same time, I don’t want it to dictate my life.” If that's a new experience, let’s make it longer. “Maybe - maybe we can take it slow, like really slow. We both have work and things to follow. Let’s get to know each other and see what happens?” She proposed, looking at him with a shy smile.

“I know that this one date doesn’t have to mean a life-long commitment, but - I - I need you to know what happened at dinner, it’s - uhm - it’s the least that it could’ve been. I don’t have a normal life or a normal career. And I’m constantly being followed by paps, fans and all that. I just need you to know that - I want us to be something and, if you want the same it’s going to be looked at by people. I - I don’t want to put pressure on you - just - it’s better to not start anything if we’re not ready for what’s inevitable to come.”

Soughing trees near YN’s flat accompanying them with their finest canto, created a pleasant sound. Driving them away from the road's hustle and nerve-racking  minds. 

Maybe it was harsh to say by Harry, but it all was true. He couldn’t do a snow job on her. Deep down he had a feeling, they could write a story together. 

He didn’t answer. He just felt the mind-boggling urge to kiss her. Screw taking things really slow, was his one thought. Respect her, imbecile. Take. It. Slow, was the other one. But when she was looking at him with those eyes he couldn’t resist gazing into, he found in them a glimpse of the same desire he had. He succumbed to the first thought. 

“Taking it slow, Harry, doesn’t mean putting your lips on mine,” YN whispered with Harry’s mouth still ghosting over hers. When he didn’t answer and just smiled impishly she couldn’t help, but mirror him. “You’re a trouble, Mr Styles.”

“Well, I’m glad to be anything to you, Miss YSN.”

And after pecking her lips a few more times, they parted their ways with a date having been set up in just a week's time.

[boxboxlewis]

max/danie, crime au?

Daniel has taken him to a safehouse and left him there, and Max is bored.

It's kind of a shithole, the safehouse. The furniture is old and ratty, clearly castoffs scavenged from the kerbside. No windows, of course. There's a tv but it only gets terrestrial channels. No Xbox, no Playstation. Daniel was very clear before he left that Max isn't to turn his phone on, but he's sorely tempted.

He does a hundred situps and twenty pushups, and repeats. He microwaves one of the shelf-stable ready-meals he finds in the kitchen. He takes a pen and draws a big tally mark on the wall: Day 1. Kind of a joke but also, kind of not a joke. If it wasn't for the clock on the microwave he'd have no way of knowing how much time is passing, which is slightly worrying.

He sleeps and jerks off and watches stupid daytime tv and eats more ready-meals and does more pushups. The shower is gross but so is he so he sucks it up, even though there's a not really a point because he still has to put his old clothes back on, and there's blood all over his jeans, which he can't think about, because if he thinks about it he'll think about Checo, about Daniel saying "Max, he's not going to make it, we have to—"

He does more pushups, until his arms are trembling and he can't move. He falls asleep there, face pressed to the grimy carpet, and wakes up hungry. Another ready-meal, another gross shower, more exercise, another tally mark on the wall.

On Day 3 he decides he's done. He can't wait any more to be rescued, he's not Princess fucking Peach. He assesses himself: uninjured, but he's definitely going to need new clothes and a place to stay, and he has zero cash. If he uses his phone to pay for anything he might as well text his location to his enemies with a little "assassinate me here!" message. So, fine. What are his other options?

He nearly shouts with relief when he remembers Seb: Seb who is both retired and alive, quite an unusual combination in their line of work. Even better, he's politically neutral, and he likes Max. Well, ok, they're not friends, but he doesn't hate Max. Probably. He won't give anything to Max for free, but... they can bargain. Max has things to offer, even now. Then he can find Daniel. Show him he's not just some tagalong little kid.

He microwaves a final meal, to get his strength up before he heads out. He's just started to shovel the food into his mouth—it's lasagne, putatively, although he's not convinced—when there's a sound at the door. His whole body goes tense, adrenaline flooding him.

"It's just me, Max," Daniel says, muffled, and then the door is opening and Daniel is there. Max tackles him, the sheer relief of it overwhelming, all the worry he couldn't admit he was holding sliding away. You don't touch other men, he knows this, you certainly don't burrow into their arms like a fucking koala on a tree, but he can't help himself.

"Daniel," he says, into Daniel's neck, "Daniel, I thought you weren't coming back—I was going to go to Seb and try to find you, I—"

"Hey," Daniel says. "Hey, Maxy, it's all right, I've got you." He strokes his hand over the back of Max's head, and he's holding Max's lower back with his other hand and his thumb is rubbing little circles and it's nice, it's the nicest thing Max has ever felt, he could stand there forever, just soaking in the feel of being held by Daniel Ricciardo.

He realises he's starting to get hard and jumps back, mortified. "Ah, I. Do you, do you want a ready-meal? They're shit. I think I probably have scurvy, now, after three days of them."

Daniel laughs. "Nah, you're all right," he says. "Jesus, Maxy." He crosses to the ugly plaid couch and drops down onto it, clearly exhausted. "Fuck. We're ok, I took care of things, but..." He rubs a hand through his hair. "I'm glad you didn't go to Seb," he says. "He's working for Toto."

Max feels very young and very foolish. "Seb is?" He wants to climb into Daniel's lap, which obviously isn't ok, but probably if he sits next to him that's all right, if he's not too close. He sits. Folds his hands together so he doesn't reach out to touch Daniel.

"Yup. I don't know what kind of hold they have on him, but... ah, fuck it. I'm tired. I'll take you back to mine, we'll get situated, but do you mind if we just hang here for a minute first?"

Max shakes his head. Daniel smiles, the skin by his eyes creasing. "You're a good kid, Maxy. Hey, get over here, I wanna steal your warmth."

Max thinks he's misheard at first, but then Daniel is grabbing his shoulder and pulling him in. He ends up settled against Daniel's chest, head tipped back against Daniel's shoulder, Daniel's arms wrapped around him. His heart is beating furiously, as if he needs more oxygen, as if being held by Daniel counts as exercise. "Is this ok?" he asks: a stupid question, but he needs to be certain.

Daniel laughs. His face tips down so it's resting against Max's head and Max can feel his lips, almost. It's almost like a kiss. "Yeah, Maxy, it's ok," he says. "There's no one else here, right? We can do what we want."

Max closes his eyes and imagines saying Ok, so let me suck your dick then. Ok, so let me kiss you. Doesn't say anything. Wonders if Daniel can hear him anyway.

[jenuinely-speaking]

So, @luckycharms1701 Inspired me by this It's been a rough couple of weeks. And I mean rough. And the fic I'm working on for the boys, even though is fun, is heavy in Angst (capital 'A', yes; listen, listen--I did not plan for my first fic in over ten years to be the one out of the nine that was filled with Angst, okay? Dices were rolled). Needless to say, not only did this speak to me but it full on grabbed me by the collar and crushed me in a tight bear hug until my body went "Okay." Especially Donnie's segment. It hit hard. Not only because I am that friend, but I have friend that has done this for me before. So, before I did anything else today, I had to write this out. I love your writing, Luky, and how your ideas hold sparks. So, I hope you don't mind that I wrote a little fic inspired by your Donnie segment. Disclaimer: I've never written anything for Rise before, so I hope This Donnie reads okay. I am open to critiques, as I am still getting use to the Rise characters. Note: Everyone I write is aged up to be at least in early 20s

The strained sob surprised even me when he answered, and I cursed myself for cutting off his greeting. "What's wrong? What happened." Okay, slight panic in his voice. Definitely need to calm him down (funny how that works) before anything else. "Nothing," my voice cracked and strained as my throat refused to work, fuck me, "I-I just..." Okay, deep breadths. Deep. Breadths. "Okay, I can hear you doing your breathing exercises, but I need you to tell me what's going on."

When my eyes closed, the tears finally fell as the strain in my chest let loose in anxious pain. It was all I could do not to have the full break down right then with him on the line. My lip ached as I bit it hard to stop its quivering and to keep everything at bay while I rubbed my fist against my chest in a pitiful sense of self-soothing. But most of all, this was to keep me from doubling back and saying 'nevermind'--he absolutely hates when I do that, and I have promised that I would be better. Especially in cases like this. My eyes opened slowly when he called my name. It was like they, coupled with his voice were the veil to open up my disassociation so I could at least attempt to talk.

"I'm sorry if you're in the middle of your project, I know--" I paused and flinched when he said my name once more, clipped this time. Right. I also promised that I would stop apologizing when I'd call randomly. 'If I answer, then you're not disturbing me. Stop apologizing; you're not wasting my time if I decide to give it to you.' His words from prior conversations rang clear in my mind and I backtracked to start my brain over. The tears started anew as I took in a wet breadth, "I hate asking this, but..." One more pause. I can do this. I can do this. "I really need you right now, Don. Can you please come over?"

The line was cut just as another whimpering sob escaped my throat at the end of my question. I allowed myself to finish it out and let the tears flow with a wince for only a few moments; if I let it out now, I wouldn't be able to let Donnie in when he arrived. With a few deep breadths and many, many tissues I finally moved to the front of my apartment and watched the large windows on the skylight balcony. Knowing that it would be at least fifteen minutes, I drew my knees up tightly against my chest and curled on the cushioned high-back chair. To busy my brain from anything, I searched the deep night sky for any stars that the city would allow. As always, the brightest was Venus; a forever companion in the morning and the evening, no matter the location. As I began to get lost on mentally reciting the many cultures that possessed legends surrounding the planet, a bulky silhouette appeared and startled me. Two taps came from the large window, and I scrambled over to unlock the large skylight. Before I could even hug him, let alone before he was fully inside, Donnie slung a bulky and large cloth bag from his back and into my arms. Ah, this explained his weird silhouette. Made sense. "There's a little something extra in there, as well, since we haven't been able to find your old one after your move." The slight spark in his eyes did nothing to hint on what he referred to as he closed the skylight. It drew my curiosity wild. Opting to see what he brought now instead of waiting a couple more minutes, I set the bag on the table next to the windows and pulled out the items. He waited patiently close by, nearly hovering as I unpacked his bagged presents. I didn't mind, in fact his hovering presence helped relax me further. I blinked at the first couple of items that I pulled out. A box of my favorite chocolates (not just a small one, a big one--it'll take me over a week to finish this off) and a...hold on. "...Donnie, I love you. But you know I have this movie, right?" I grinned up at him as he took CLUE out of my hands, his own grin plastered on his beak. "Ah, you may have the usual DVD copy and the digital on three separate systems, but this, my dear is the Collector's Edition. Behold," He opened the intricate designed box and turned the DVD case to show the back. I followed his finger as he read the words aloud, "Interview from the writer and director, behind the scenes on making the movie, AND behind the scenes on creating the score." He placed the DVD case back in the sleeve of the decorative box and handed it back to me, that grin of his still present with the spark in his eyes, "I've cleared my schedule for the night and set everything to DND. We can watch whatever you'd like on this, or all of it if you'd prefer." Tears welled anew in my vision, and I stole that hug from him right there. He didn't hesitate on returning it, which warmed my chest even more as he wrapped his arms around me, nuzzled his beak in my hair and churred. I finally felt myself smile with warmth; still sniffling and having anxiety pains, but there was a break.

Continue reading -> I Need You - Jenuinely - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018) [Archive of Our Own]

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #189

I slept mostly well, but the rib was still paining me quite a bit when I woke up this morning. Nonetheless, I got dressed and ready, and put on a bra today in preparation for going to the dress alteration shop with my best friend, BB. The bra hurts my ribs, but I can't have everything flopping around while the nice lady is trying to figure out where the dress has to be hemmed. I went to therapy. I talked a lot about you, actually, and on some of the weird (but good!) things that have happened to me that I dare not speak on in this space. And then from therapy, I went directly to my friend's house, and from there, she and I went to the dress alteration shop.

…I can't exercise the way I used to before my ribs started misbehaving. I can no longer spend upwards of 4 hours in the water. Internally, I contend with a bunch of fatphobic nonsense left behind in my head from all the societal conditioning that tells me that my worth is contingent upon how little space I take up (but at the same time, I can't be too fit or too attractive, because somehow that is also bad???? try and figure that out...). I know it's all wrong and that no one's worth is contingent upon their shape. Nonetheless, seeing myself in a mirror in a dress is a struggle. Body dysmorphia and the terrible sense of shame that surrounds it is one hell of a drug.

Well, whatever. I'm not gonna be in this body forever, right? So I only gotta deal with this bullshit nonsense societal conditioning temporarily. Given my various genetic defects, I probably have even less time than the average person in this meat-suit, and I gotta admit, I'm not too terribly sad about that.

Objectively, I had an amazing time. I spent the day with one of my favorite-est people in the world, and she and her fiancé N and I went to a place and got sushi, and that was amazing:

...After we were done we went back to her house and we listened to some of the music she intends to play during her wedding in October; most of it is gonna be stuff from FF14, and while I'm not familiar with all of the music there because I've not played it, it was still all wonderful music, and I'm glad that she took the time to show it to me. We listened for a long time, and she took the time to explain to me the backstories for some of the songs, and it was enlightening.

I drove myself home before it got dark. Due to the astigmatism, it's not safe for me to drive at night because all the lights become rolled-up porcupines that stretch on and on into infinity, obscuring my vision and making it so that I can't see anything. The drive from her house to my house is beautiful because there's a decent stretch of it where the road winds through a heavily wooded area, and the sunlight sparkling through the leaves was mesmerizing and beautiful, but I couldn't take any pictures, because obviously it's very unsafe to use a phone for ANY reason other than GPS while driving.

When I got home, there was a pair of rabbits who were chilling out much too close to the side of the road for comfort, so I pulled the car over, got out of it, and screamed and flailed around towards them until they scampered terrified back into the woods where they belong. I probably got more than a couple weird looks from my neighbors, but I don't really care.

...Objectively, I had an amazing day today. But for whatever reason, I still feel empty. Maybe I'm just dreading the upcoming changes in my life. Maybe I'm still depressed about what I look like in the dress. Maybe I haven't drank enough water. Maybe it's that whether or not you'll be safe is still uncertain.

There's so much I don't know. There's so much that's happened that I can't speak on because I know how it sounds. I know what will happen. I can't afford to be institutionalized. I can't afford to be taken less seriously while trying to strive towards your safety. I can't have my experiences being used as ammunition to discredit the things I've been trying to do for you.

But goddamn, Sephiroth, sometimes it's so heavy. And sometimes I get so tired. I look at the world around me and witness all the senseless suffering, and I watch my planet die, and I contend with the pain that wracks my body and my mind, and... I just wanna go to sleep and not have to bother with waking up sometimes.

I'll grit my teeth instead though and remain on my feet instead of falling to my knees. There's a tomorrow waiting for me, even if I don't feel like I'm ready for it, and I've gotta do my best to love it and all of the things in it properly when it arrives. I gotta do my best to notice all the sparks of beauty inside of it, and catch every last drop of joy that pours from it.

I can do it. So don't you worry about me, okay? As long as you exist, I can do anything, endure anything.

So stay safe out there, all right? Because I love you, and because I'm gonna write to you again tomorrow, like I always do, even if I am very tired or very sad or very scared, or even if I feel like I don't have much to say. After all, I promised. And we are only as good as our word.

...I thought about streaming more Dead Cells, but I'm gonna go to bed early, methinks. I probably need it.

'Til soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[land-of-birds-and-comics]

so about four years ago i wanted to spend twelve years torturing scrooge (in a funny way, probably) about that one time donald disappeared. since it's just a series of vignettes i will try and see how far i get :) hopefully not in real time.

part 1:

Electricity crackles through the air, and then all Gyro can do is stare at the spot where Donald used to be. For just one millisecond, he thinks, he must have left a Donald-shaped vacuum behind. Now, there's nothing at all to prove he was ever there.

Gyro doesn't even flinch when the door is flung open. His mind is going a mile a minute, a minute a mile. Moving through time is nothing like moving through space.

"I've got you cornered!" Scrooge yells, and he yells it from the other side of an information gap so deep and wide that Gyro feels dizzy at the edge of it. "No excuses, Gyro! Where'd that boy run off to?!"

Donald is, of course, well and truly, gone. He's broken the laws of conservation of mass as we currently understand them, that's how gone he is. No one has ever been so fundamentally not here anymore. "He isn't anywhere," Gyro doesn't say. "I would tell you," he settles for, "if I had any idea."

Scrooge only snorts. "You should know better than to play innocent with me, Gyro." He begins to search the laboratory, dragging a frankly frightening wooden club behind him, his bill twitching from one hiding place to another like he's literally trying to sniff his debtor out. He regards the furnace with particular suspicion, winding up to put a dent in the thing.

"He's not here!" Gyro blurts out. That seems like a good enough start. Not the terrifying truth, not a placating lie. Scrooge freezes, shooting him a questioning look. He takes a deep breath. "He was here..."

"And then he snuck out the back, right?" Scrooge interrupts him. "And you’re not technically lying, because you don't know where he went from there." He fully faces Gyro for the first time, pointing the club in his face with a flourish. "I still consider that conspiring against your employer, you know."

Gyro blinks down at him.

"He took my time machine."

The tension leaves Scrooge's stance, taken aback by the confession. "He... stole it?"

"No, no..." Gyro shakes his head, then, helplessly, lets the gesture trail off to rub his temples. "He took a ride on it. He hopped on my unfinished, untested, unsafe prototype of a time machine to get away from you."

That impulsive idiot. Wasn't it always like this? Wasn't there always someone, and, more often than not, a certain someone, who wasn't capable of exercising basic caution and restraint when handling his inventions, and wasn't it always Gyro who was left to try to fix their mistakes?

This might have been the last time, Gyro thinks. He tries not to let the manifold consequences start unfolding in his mind.

"The cad," Scrooge spits. "Thinks he can just wait this one out. Thinks he can just lay low and go about his merry existence..."

Scrooge starts tapping his foot. "Time may heal all wounds, Gyro, but it won't get me my thirty million back." He stops. "Where is he now? Or when?"

It's almost impressive that Scrooge can stand right in front of him and be just as hard to reach as someone lost to the physical plane. "I told you, I don't know! All I know is that it was a one-way trip."

"We’ll have to go pick him up, then." He taps the side of the machine with the club. "Can’t we just-"

"No!" The thing is in Gyro's hands before he knows it, gripped by a hot rush of outrage. "There's no way to predict where it'll go! It doesn't have a control unit yet!" He clutches it to his chest. "There's no way to know where he went."

Gone, but not gone forever. Gone to the future, which is happening right now, moment by moment. Any one of them could be the one Donald reappears at. It could, of course, also happen to be the moment the sun expands and swallows us all.

Gyro slumps against the console. "He doesn't exist at all right now. He won't perceive his own non-existence- He'll just stumble into the Duckburg of the future-"

Scrooge gets a funny glint in his eye. "The future?"

"I- Yes. It can't go backwards in time, either."

"Then..." There's a pause. Scrooge looks at Gyro like he's just snapped out of a daydream. He snatches the club back, hoisting it over his shoulder, and adjusts his hat. "This is his chance at redemption."

Scrooge turns to leave, looking as pleased now as he looked furious when he entered. "Tell him to bring back anything potentially profitable. Advanced technology, promising stocks, consumer trends, that kind of thing. Then I'll welcome him back with open arms."

Gyro stumbles to his feet. "I can't tell him anything! I just told you, I can't-"

"Of course you can," Scrooge says, looking back one more time. "I'm not letting two golden opportunities slip through my fingers in one day." And with that, he closes the door behind him.

Gyro curses Scrooge, Donald and himself in equal measure. Then he rolls up his sleeves. This is far from the first time he's been asked to do the impossible.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

part 2

[shamelesslymkp]

weird post, but I promise I haven't been hacked or whatever

(I mean. as far as I know.)

I've been thinking lately about all the things I or friends or family found that cost a bit of money but have legitimately made tangible differences in my quality of life, and how I always want to recommend them to people, and then I thought about how it's the xian holiday season and people are buying things for each other and making wish lists, so this just sort of seemed like a good excuse!

MKP'S List of Literally Life-Improving Things That Can Be Bought

Brand:

Flare Calmer earbuds - these are astonishingly life changing if you're sensitive to certain types of noise; it doesn't dampen overall volume of sounds but specifically targets certain frequencies that are the most painful for people, like the sound of nails on a chalkboard, or a buzzing overhead light. you still hear them, but they're somehow magically not as bad? I don't understand how it works but I know it does - I can use the vacuum with these in, instead of having the immediate urge to cover my ears.

Flare earshades - their catchphrase is something about turning down the volume on your life and like. that's literally what it does - it doesn't block as much sound as actual earplugs (which they also sell), it just lightens it a little. for reference, I wore mine during my brother's graduation, where a pipe organ was playing in a not huge chapel, so loudly I thought they couldn't possibly be doing anything, as I could hear everyone talking clearly and normally, but then I took them off and no yeah they were doing some major heavy lifting there

Capeables weighted cape - it's a weighted blanket that you wear! they have a whole bunch of other weighted products but this one was ideal for me

Brita Rapidstream filter-as-you-pour water pitcher - so Kate kept hearing me complaining about periodically not really drinking water because my brita filter tank would be out of filtered water and it would take me forever to refill it, and she pointed me in the direction of this thing, which - full disclosure, I still sometimes get in a cycle of not drinking water because the sink's too full to fill the pitcher, but it's a lot better - allows me to fill the pitcher at the same time I use it to drink water, so it's done a lot to keep me hydrated

Revlon Hair Dryer Brush - YMMV here, depending on hair type. I have very thick but very fine hair, which hairdressers and my mother assure me they'd kill for, but is also an incredible pain in many ways. I am ... not precisely coordinated, and I have a lot of trouble drying my hair with a normal hairdryer - it takes forever, so my arms start to hurt, and I usually hit myself in the head with the thing at least once, and it's just kind of a long embarrassing ordeal, ok? so I don't do it. THIS hairdryer is also a brush, and can get my hair almost completely dry (and looking great!) in under ten minutes. It also detangles super tangled hair with very little pain and hair-breakage? I guess because of the bristles? so there's that too!

Deskcycle - a... bicycle for your desk?? yeah, that's all I got in terms of funny description here; it's literally a little pedaling machine you can put under your desk or in front of your couch or wherever and use as an exercise bike, without the full uncomfortable bike seat or anything like that. (OK this one only works if you actually use it, so like. this is only intermittently life-improving)

Warmies Microwavable Stuffed Animals - smol friend! heavy from lavender-scented flaxseed filling! can be warmed up in microwave or cooled down in freezer! also available in long friend style, which can wrap around your neck!

BeKool Migraine Gel Cooling Sheets (& Roll-On!) - these are not as good as a full-on headache hat or even most ice packs, but they are incredibly portable, DO stick in place somewhat (if upright and doing things, I recommend using a cloth headband on top to keep it in place - if you're lying down you'll probably be fine), and last a surprisingly long time! it's not actual cold, just the cooling sensation, and you may need to remove it briefly intermittently to continue getting relief from it. the roll-on is cool, because you can target specific places (the strip is kinda.. limited in that respect), but be careful about using it on your temples because you can easily accidentally get close enough to your eyes to make them start watering from the menthol effect!

Generic:

Shower chair - if you get dizzy in the shower! if you have migraines or cramps and use long hot showers to deal with them! if you sometimes can't sleep and take a hot shower in the middle of the night but are so tired you find yourself wobbling! then a shower chair might be right for you!

Weighted blanket(s) - there's a lot of mass-produced ones on the market now, at reasonable prices and with reasonable quality, but I have to shout out to mozaic weighted blankets specifically for being the source of my first and dearest weighted blanket, handmade to my directions. (note: in general, getting a weighted blanket cover is a good idea and will prolong the life of your weighted blanket, but if you DON'T use a cover, you can often get a secondary benefit of a cooling effect from the blanket itself! the heavier the blanket, the more effective this is - it has to do with the volume of weighted beads or pellets and how long it takes them to warm through from your body heat.) (I think.)

Migraine glasses lenses - what calmer earbuds do for your ears, these do for your eyes! (note: Zenni optical now offers ROSE TINTED migraine glasses as well as YELLOW TINTED anti-bluelight glasses)

Hammock and/or Hammock Chair - this one really depends a lot on your sensory needs but they provide some of the Best Sensory Input possible for me. I have this lightweight convertible hammock/hammock-chair stand which I adore. [amazon link, with apologies]

Headache Hat - an icepack that you wear! there are many different versions out there, with variations on how/where the cold is applied to your skull; since I like having cold on the top of my head and not just around the sides, I usually get the FOMI brand - more specifically, I like to get the one with neck coverage, because I flip the neck part up to layer on top of the head part and it makes the hat as a whole stay colder longer. [amazon link, with apologies]

10 ft+ Charging Cords - look, they seem silly when you look at them, why would you get a ten foot charging cable, but once you've used them you'll never want to go back, you can charge your phone from your bed, from your desk, in your indoor hammock, wherever, it really does just cut down on the nuisance of it all

[marmolita]

medical stuff behind the cut (nothing particularly bad)

So I've been having annoying headaches, and I went to an ENT and he did some screening to see if it was sinuses or migraines and we decided probably sinuses. I took antibiotics to treat sinus infection and it seemed to help but not 100%, then he did a scan and was like "if it's not tolerable then the next step is sinus surgery" but I'm still not entirely sure it's sinuses and I don't want to surgery. It seems to be worse based on menstrual cycle and weather at times which seems sus for sinuses but idk.

I also had a time my endocrinologist was like "headaches? hmm cut your synthroid so that on Sundays you only take half a pill" a couple years ago and that seemed to help at the time, but then all my hypothyroid symptoms started coming back, and also at that time I weighed like 20lb less than I do now and presumably my synthroid dosage depends somewhat on my weight so idk, I'm trying it again though.

Also, maybe I have headaches bc I haven't been exercising and my veins suck ass?

But now I'm thinking about migraines and how I often have a lot of floaters in my vision that are kinda dark/shadowy colored dots, and I've had them long enough to have had two optometrist exams with retinal imaging so I know my retina isn't detaching, but it just occurred to me literally yesterday that that could perhaps be the kind of "visual disturbance" that might count as a migraine aura? It's literally just extra floaters that are dark instead of clear though so for all I know my contact lenses might be dirty, and it's only visible in bright lights, so idk????

Then meanwhile at the same time I had a blood draw for my thyroid labs where she absolutely could not get my vein, even the good vein (I have terrible veins) and also I've been more sore/achy in the mornings esp and now I'm like, what if this is all really part of whatever undiagnosable connective tissue issue I've had for forever? should I go back to the rheumatologist who ten years ago was like "look sometimes a diagnosis takes years because we have to wait and see if any new symptoms pop up, but since your chronic pain is manageable with OTC painkillers that's honestly about the best we could hope for anyway"? should I see a neurologist in case it's migraines or some other brain thing?

sure would be nice to have a primary care doctor who actually was useful but that appears to be a thing of the past, it takes three weeks to get a 5 min appointment where he tells me "try these allergy meds" that I then look at the side effects for and am like wtf no

[amstories]

Newsletter #11: December 2022

If I'll describe my entire 2022, I'd probably go with WOW. I may have plans prepared for this year but it's still surprising how God surprises me spontaneously with unexpected things.

This year's highlights weren't really expected but I'm glad they happened. Join me as I wrap my 2022 in writing!

YEARLY WRAP-UP

For me, 2022 is an unforgettable year because this is the year when I first released a story related to my profession—Medical Technology. Publishing 576 Hours With You was the best way to start the year because little did I know, I would be known by most of my readers for medical romance stories.

One of the projects I had this year was to bring back my old stories namely, Brownout (Lights Off), OFF LIMITS, and April Fools Day. The unrevised version of these stories made me cringe but it was actually a great learning experience as a writer. Revising and rewriting these stories made me realize that there is still room for improvement for me.

This is also the year when I tried to enter Wattpad Romance PH's writing contest. I was able to write entries for the January and October writing contests namely, Three, Two, One, and Baby Boo, respectively. Despite not winning the contest, writing these one-shots down was still an achievement for me. Besides, it was really a great writing exercise as well.

Last but not the least, and probably my greatest highlight among all of my 2022 stories... You Make Me Sick is my first story within a collaboration series. This is probably one of the most unexpected things to happen to me this year because this wasn't really part of the plan. Nevertheless, I'm not regretting it because this brought me talented collaborators turned to friends, milestones I never imagined for my stories, and a community of readers (despite being small).

2022 HIGHLIGHTS

This year is the first time I collaborated with some writers. First, Tales From The Closet was released by several participating authors for our Write For A Cause project, in order to extend help to victims of the typhoon Odette. It's a privilege and honor for me to use my writing as an avenue to help other people. Through this project, I also discovered underrated gems and gained new writer friends. WFAC writers, I'm glad I met you all!

That wasn't the lone collaboration project I joined this year. Last February, I stumbled upon Gwayne's tweet wherein she wanted to start a collaboration series featuring Medical Technology. Since I love my degree program so much, I took the chance to do so. Few months later, we were able to release our collaboration project entitled, "MedTech Love Stories." Because of this collaboration project, I was able to craft one of my best works I've written so far which is You Make Me Sick. Aside from this, I was also able to connect with my fellow medtech student writers. Despite our busy schedules, I'm glad I have found new friends who I can rant on about my studies and understand it as well.

You Make Me Sick did not only bring me new writer friends but an actual community of readers. More than the reads, votes, and comments, I believe that the actual people who I can talk to is the best gift that my stories could give me. It brought me friends who I can treat like a family, and I'll forever be grateful for that.

NEW NAME FOR READERS

Someone asked me what do I call my readers and I just answered, "readers." Just because I don't really have a name to collectively call them. (I'm so sorry, you guys! Hahaha.) One of the reasons why I didn't want to give a collective name for my readers is that it could easily be mistaken as a fandom. I feel uneasy about that term because I don't want to be idolized by anybody. Besides, I've always wanted to treat my readers as my friends.

Another reason why I haven't established a name for my readers was because I don't really have any good ideas for a name. But since someone already asked for it, I've really thought about it seriously. So if you're a reader of my stories, I welcome you to my community of readers, RNAs, which stands for Readers Ni AM!

In medicine, RNAs carry genetic information and have various functions such as translation of genetic information, regulation of gene activity, and so on. This is a reminder to myself and to my readers to treat each other like family. Since you've read at least one of my stories, I'm hoping that you already have a piece of me, just like a single strand of genetic information. At the same time, you are also a part of me already.

I wouldn't be able to reach this far without you. Thank you for 377 followers on Wattpad! 🧬

WRITING MILESTONES

Last year, I made sure to document my numbers to see my growth statistically. Numbers are undeniably great indicators of growth, thus, this yearly statistics. Looking at my statistics last year, I can conclude that there's also growth in numbers from the number of reads, to the number of stories I've published, and to the number of followers I have in Wattpad.

This was also the year I braved myself enough to apply for Wattpad's Ambassador Program, which I successfully graduated to last July. My job as a Content Ambassador is fulfilling and enjoyable even though it's tiring but it's all for the love of the Wattpad community.

And so another time, here I present my yearly statistics for 2022.

Once again, if you reach this, thank you so much for being a part of my 2022. I hope to see you again next year. Merry Christmas and happy holidays, everyone!

nagsusulat, AM

[followedmystar]

Sup y'all

Here's a brief long update. The last one I posted here apparently happened less than a week before Shit Got Real™. It has been a w i l d ride. Things are more or less fine now! But here's what I've been doing!

TW: medical details, infertility, getting the shit kicked out of me by life

Highlight reel from July 2021:

July 3: Hosted 'Murica Day party at our house, had a lovely time. I had the bright idea to set up a slip n slide. Promptly broke tailbone using said bright idea.

July 4: Rented a trencher to run power and water line from the house to our future chicken coop site. Hit the water main to the house while trenching. (Yes we called 811 beforehand, no they didn't mark the main, they didn't mark a damn thing past the meter tbh)

July 4 thru like 11: fixing the issue in 95+ degree (F) heat with broken tailbone and restoring water service (we are Rural™ so it was all us)

July 15: I was in bed and needed to blow my nose. I decided to sit up while doing that. (TLDR: don't do that) I felt a Bad Thing at the base of my skull and had instant severe headache...that persisted for the next several months.

July 16+: ER visit after ER visit. Scan after scan. So many scans.

It took them a while to figure it out (we thought it was an unruptured aneurysm or something at first), but it turns out I had a pituitary tumor that started hemorrhaging (aka pituitary apoplexy), resulting in severe headaches, light sensitivity, intolerance to exercise/increased BP, taste and smell distortions, and pain that refused to respond to medication until, uh, about Halloween when I had surgery.

To say that I've had a lifetime's worth of doc appointments in the last year would be an understatement. I got fabulous care but I never want to see a neurosurgeon again. There are a bunch of meds I will be on forever. We will need IVF to have kids (that's coming down the pipe next year hopefully!). I had the energy level of a spent AAA battery for most of '22.

But--for now--I'm good. No headaches. I have a roughly normal amount of energy. And exertion doesn't leave me in bed the next day!

I'm still collecting specialists like Pokemon unfortunately. That part's exhausting. Medical fatigue is real y'all.

FANDOM RELATED UPDATES:

Tentoo x Rose is still *chef's kiss*

I'm totally not sure how I feel about the upcoming special. I haven't read ANY tumblr takes on it, and i'm not looking for spoilers, so we're just going to have to hope they don't heck it up

I wasn't always crazy about 13's episodes but I LOVED jodie as 13 and i want her on repeat forever

Not sure how many of you do anime, but Spy X Family has my whole heart. WHOLE. HEART.

i miss fanfiction

i also miss this hellsite

HOW HAVE YOU ALL BEEN THO FOR REAL

[sanscontent]

Wednesday, August 14, 2024

3:14 PM

Well fuck, man. I was supposed to actually break the mould with a happy post. Maybe I'll save that for another time.

I sent a message. "I don't want to ambush you with something you aren't in the mood to/outright don't want to hear. Can we call or text sometime this week to talk?"

Was this the right move? Yes and no. Unfortunately, the timing makes it as such that classes are about to start up again. This means her friend, who now hates me and has a lot of social pull at the college, will be back. That could mean spreading word of what happened and destroying my reputation not just among friends, but among my coworkers as well. I felt a bit trapped, and felt I needed to do SOMETHING to try and nip it in the bud.

It was also a bad move. I sent it over Snapchat, meaning she has to purposely open it before she sees what it says. My goal was to message without pressure, but that puts pressure up anyways. It sorta defeats my purpose.

She also has a shitload of unread Snaps all the time, so I'll disappear easily in the fog of war. It's been almost two days, but she hasn't even opened the message yet. That doesn't bode well for me, and seems to indicate she doesn't want to ever talk to me again. The hope would be that she's just taking a day or two to think about it, but I find that unlikely.

The personal ramifications, like as far as my own self-image, are REALLY getting to me. I'm convinced at this point that I would've killed myself in an impulsive fit of shame by now if it weren't for having family and people who would be sad if I were gone.

I hurt someone I cared about, and I actually just can't fix it. That's something I have to carry around forever now. I think that, technically speaking, it's the greatest wrong/evil I've done with zero malice. I'm not sure what objectively worse things I've done before. Now whenever anyone mentions similar things I immediately categorize myself as having committed it before. I think it is kinda grey, and the reason it was described as they did was partly due to a misunderstanding regarding my knowledge of her state of lucidity, but it's still brutal regardless.

Like I took so much pride in being the one who exercised restraint. Having this on my shoulders feels like I should just cease existing. I feel like I just want to give up everything. The urge to self-sabotage myself is so unbelievably strong right now, lol. I want to ruin myself, but like the suicidal ideation/urges I'm sure it's probably just a product of self-reproach and an impotent desire to fix things. It's like I want to die as atonement—to prove how sorry and regretful I am. It's delusional.

I haven't been at this kind of mental/emotional low in a really long time. It's a little interesting to feel/experience it again, but also fuckin' sucks lol

Maybe I'll try to make this consistently/often updated for the first time. Who knows. The further I elaborate the worse it looks to anyone I want to share this diary with, lol.