#it’s been a couple years since I last made a post about commissions so hopefully it goes well!

[spittyfishy]

Hi everyone! As you can see I’m officially opening commissions again! I tried to get all the relevant information in the images, but basically the order of operations would be letting me know what kind of drawing you want and any relevant character references, then send me the money and I can get started! I’ll send what the sketch looks like in case any changes need to be made, and then once you give the go ahead I’ll get it finished up to which ever level of completion and then send it to you through email or tumblr or whatever you’d prefer!

Let me know if you’ve got any questions and I hope you all have wonderful days!

(Prices in USD for simplicity’s sake)

[zoroshark]

Hey! This is Zoro coming with an update about my health as quite a few things have happened the past couple of months. As some may know, I've been dealing with chronic pain and illness since February of last year as mentioned in this post here.

A quick summary of it was that I have been dealing with constant bladder and stomach problems suddenly that were disrupting day to day life as they were painful and constant. Despite the multiple hospital visits, nothing was really done and at the time I could only wait to see certain specialists (which required a lot of money to see). Recently however, I finally got an answer to what was causing me pain in one part of my stomach! The culprit was my gallbladder and it has been removed!

The rest of the post will be caught off so for those who want to read in more detail, but one issue has been solved (at least i hope so)!

I also want to note here and thank everyone who's been supportive of me during this rough patch in my life. I also want to thank those who sent money for the GoFundMe! However, due to a few circumstances which will also be explained in the read more section, I will be refunding it all to those who donated.

TLDR version of my reason is that I was advise to do so for the eligibility medical/financial benefits I've been looking into. The refunds should be sent in about a week, so keep and eye out!

TW for Medical related subjects such as surgery.

For what was causing me pain in my stomach, or at least one of the reasons:

Turns out I had gallstones that somehow CT scans and ultrasounds didn't pick up last year, despite the pain and discomfort I was in from them. It got to the point where the pain was so unbearable, I was crying for about 2-3 hours before going to the ER. They found one stone had thicken walls through the ultrasounds and my gallbladder was infected from these stones.

Because of the findings, I underwent surgery to completely remove it during my stay in the hospital. I am now close to two weeks post-op and so far it has relieved most, if not all, of the constant pain I've been in my upper right. While I still have issues elsewhere in my body, it feels nice to have one issue solved. I just hope I don't need another trip to the ER anytime soon.

As for the detailed explanation for refunding the GoFundMe donations:

A few months back I after the go found me, I was accepted in a financial assistance program that made doctor's visits way cheaper. From close to hundreds of dollars to 3 dollars, that was way more an affordable price range for me. Despite that, i kept the donations on hold just in cause anything changed or something wasn't covered by the program until now.

Along with that, I've been applying for disability as I am considered disabled by my psychiatrist due to my mental health. After talking to a few folks who knew about the system, they mentioned that the money from the fundraiser could harm the process in gaining these benefits. Their recommended course of action was to refund the money as a precaution, so I'm following their advice. After the refunds have gone through, I will be closing the fundraiser.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Again, I want to give a massive thank you everyone in general who have supported me through all this. Its been difficult, especially since I had to accommodate to the pain and changes in my body. There has been MANY ups and for sure downs, but I'm still holding on!

Thank you for reading on this update, and expect to see me slowly become active again on here! I'm still in my Zonai phase so expect more content revolving around that, along with possible Zora content. Original works not involving fandoms will also (hopefully) be posted too!

Im also thinking of opening commissions in the future! I'll need to ask about that first due to what I mentioned above, but as far as I'm aware, I should be okay to do so (but don't quote me on it). So keep an eye out!

[pumpkin-spike18]

✨Weekly Progress #51-52✨ +Happy New Year 2024✨

I've been thinking about the past year for the last few days and struggled with how to talk about it.

But, let's start with the weekly progress reports, before I miss the ability to do it for 2023.

Weekly Progress #51

Linearted 4 SYVNH BGs

Answered more BWOBK edit comments

Yes, it's the same image as last time since... the 4 linearts were done by the time I posted the last update.

Weekly Progress #52

Scripted BWOBK S1-S3

Submitted the demo for The Beauty Which Only Beast Knows to Winter VN Jam and Once Upon a Time VN Jam

The demo is now available for download here!

...Oh my god, I forgot I start my weeks on Mondays. My brain got really confused for the twitter version of this update 😅

I'll be making a separate post for it tomorrow (or Akua would), but BWOBK is finally out! ...Well, the demo for it anyways. The last week has been a blur of editing, scripting, and final playtesting. I was working quite frantically so I didn't record all of my tasks for the past week.

...Which, to be fair, didn't amount to much other than working on BWOBK. Our team wanted to accomplish a lot for this jam, but as the final week approached, we knew we had to cut back a bit if we wanted to submit anything to the two jams so we discussed and agreed to submit a demo.

Please look forward to a full release in January 2024!

Looking Back at 2023 ⏳

Visual Novel Development

Last year I made this tweet to celebrate what I accomplished in 2022.

A total of 5 VNs was an amazing feat I didn't think I'd accomplish. I was prepared to never beat this record again. Yet, lo and behold...

This year, I submitted nine projects.

1 Updated Demo:

I counted this as a submission since my update was about 50k new words, all new BGs, and like 14 CGs (I forgot the exact number). Sadly, I couldn't make it to the finish line of a full game. That'll be 2024!

4 Solo Projects:

These are four short visual novels I did for a variety of jams (three of them were for about week long game jams). They're all playable in browser and shouldn't take longer than 20 minutes each to play.

one last time. is a standalone entry.

kill your feelings., spirit killing curse, and Exorcist Killing Lie are separate stories set in the same world of ghosts, unreliable gods, and exorcists. I've been calling it the Kill Series and I hope to work on it more in 2024.

4 Team Projects:

I participated in another four visual novel projects this year! Two of which were demos, and one even won second place in the Spooktober Visual Novel Game Jam!! That was a real surprise! Although everyone in the team worked super hard, I don't think any of us expected it. So it was really a great and amazing surprise that had all of us shocked with happiness!

The Beauty Which Only Beast Knows is a demo I'm the main writer for. I also wrote one of the routes for The Final Prize is Soup, which is the second place Spooktober 2023 winner!

I provided the art for For the First Time.

And I did the programming for Saintess Alasdair is Dead.

All of these visual novels (plus more from previous years!) can be found free to play on my itch profile!

I think, next year, I won't be able to beat this record 😂 In fact, I hope I don't... As happy as I am to have performed such a feat, it was very exhausting and took a lot of energy out of me. I just hope to finish my ongoing projects in 2024.

Other Creative Goals

Here is another tweet from early 2023:

I wasn't able to spend a lot more time animating, and it's hard to gauge improvement on my own, but...

I did it! I completed 24 illustrations!

This has been a mix of OC art, fanart, a couple gifts, and a couple commissions. Hopefully, next year I'll be able to not "cheat" by adding commissions to the mix... 😂 I'm very proud of my commission works, but I did say it was supposed to be personal art.

I actually spend the last three months drawing 10 of the illustrations. To be exact, I drew 14/24 drawings in the second half of 2023... This was alongside working on a variety of CGs and BGs for games, a couple fancomics, and some design work that didn't feel quite "illustration" worthy.

Other

As a number of you might have noticed, or if you're one of my closer friends in devtalk... I quit my job!! Which, may sound like a bad thing, but I'm actually quite relieved. I finally freed myself from something that felt like it had been chaining me down for years.

I did it with no plans, just enough savings for a short while. Hopefully, this will be the wake up call I need to improve my life and find a job I enjoy. I took a few months off so I'm ready and back for the job hunt in 2024! (...So in about an hour from me writing this, haha)

Speaking of the job hunt... I also started accepting commissions on vgen! I don't know if I want to pursue a creative career, but it isn't out of the question.

If you're interested, I'll be opening for a week or so in 2024 before I close to work on projects again until June or something. (wink wonk 😉😉)

Finally, I'm really happy to have joined the Ace Attorney fandom this year. I started replaying the games around September and searched for a fandom discord on a whim. I've met some really great writers and artists since! Everyday getting to talk about gay lawyers have been great and reminded me of an almost lost fun from my childhood.

So if any of you from there see this post, hello! Thank you for giving me such a warm welcome! I really enjoy spending time with you all!

And someday, I WILL kidnap you guys into making a visual novel with me.

I participated in my first online fan event thanks to everyone there and it was a lot of fun. I hope to do more with everyone soon!

Well, that's all! If you made it all the way down here, thank you for reading! 2023 has been an interesting ride and I look forward to 2024.

It's currently 11:12PM for me here (I made it, I finished writing before midnight!) but, this is probably as close as I can get before getting distracted by a video or other work so...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[heckosart]

Heya

Fellow (albeit novice) fantasy cartographer here

How'd you get into making maps for people?

Hi!

I've liked drawing and making maps for a long time, and I used to make up maps for fun as a kid. The things that inspired me originally were mostly books, I read fantasy extensively and I've always loved following the characters around by referring to the map as I read. From that I started to draw maps of places in books as well ones I made up. I drew a lot of magical islands for a while.

I also got really inspired by the natural forces of geology/plate tectonics/weather/etc and how they impact the land. I use all of that interest to try and create fantasy maps that have a sense of grounded believability to them. I'm by no means an expert, but I'm always learning and trying to improve.

Obviously for most maps I do professionally there's already a general shape and layout my clients have in mind, but even then I often include small additional islands, give borders and coastlines extra wiggle and variation, and look for ways to incorporate natural and geographic barriers that would help inform political ones.

As art of my thesis at art school, I made a map for a personal fantasy project. I also made a simpler map for a friend, and with those examples I put maps into my commission info. Since that time (2020) I've probably only done about five maps for clients, so I don't usually get as many as these last two jobs back to back might imply. It is always fun to work on though, and I'm thinking about doing some new personal pieces soon since it's been almost four years from the last time I did one for me.

My best recommendation for getting into map commissions would be to get a couple nice samples completed (at least one of a budget option and one big fancy one) and to decide on a clear plan for base pricing. Currently, I have maps broken down into two categories of price.

Simple: $90 - Includes lines, one flat color for land and one for water, mountains and rivers, and typed labels.

Complex: $180 - Includes lines, terrain color variation, symbols/terrain textures/landmark drawings/mountains/rivers, and handwritten labels.

I can also add on sea creatures and monsters and custom compass roses for an extra charge.

My pricing is based on knowing how long it takes me to do the work, how much effort it takes, and the expectation that short deadlines not be imposed. Extra complex requests and tight deadlines (for maps I'd consider anything less than three weeks to be tight) are fully welcome, but will come with an added price to account for those requirements. I would also charge far more for a commercial client, all of my prices here and in my commission info are for personal use jobs only.

You probably know this already, but I always have to say it! Make sure, whatever you're charging, you're making above minimum wage. Ideally, you should make more than minimum because custom art is luxury service. Your skills are valuable, so treat them like it!

I also can't recommend making a TOS to protect both you and your clients' safety enough. Mine are very much not perfect, but I'm always happy to offer them as something for other artists to reference or even just copy when making their own.

Personal Use | Commercial Use

On top of all of that, I'm very persistent with my self-promotion. I used to only use Twitter for art, but post-Elon I've branched back out to Tumblr and made a Bluesky because suddenly it was really scary to notice that all my eggs (clients and followers) were in that one volatile basket. I'm not famous or wildly successful, but my followings on here and Bluesky are still a tiny fraction of on Twitter and that's scary. I try to reblog/retweet/etc my promotional posts once a day to keep eyes on them (but I forget pretty often too lol) and whenever I have a little drawing or something I post it. I'm not the most prolific artist, but I try not to worry about that too much.

Hopefully this isn't too much stuff you already know and hopefully some of it was helpful!

[duckydeathly]

Upcoming Patreon/General Art Plans

Hi all! I posted a public Patreon post going over some things I have in store for my art in the foreseeable future. I know Tumblr isn't kind to links, so I'll be copy+pasting the article under a cut.

The post goes over things relating to commissions, Patreon, a future online shop, and my art direction in general. So if any of that interests you, I'd suggest checking it out! Thanks in advance ^^

(Though the Patreon post has an exclusive WIP comic at the end, so check it out there if you wanna see it!)

Commission Pricing:

A couple of months ago, I announced that I would be increasing my commission prices in July. July has come and gone and I have yet to do so simply because I've been preoccupied with other work. I still intend to increase my prices but will do so sometime later this month instead. In the previous post I made, I attached a new commission sheet with the proposed price increase. The pricing on this sheet is NOT finalized. Unfortunately, with the cost of pretty much everything increasing, I may need to increase the prices a little more than what was stated in the sheet. Not by too much, of course, but it's still worth noting. It's important for me to be open and transparent about this decision to not catch anyone off guard. With me delaying the price increase, hopefully, it will give folks a chance to commission me with the current prices before I officially implement this change. Thank you for understanding! 

TL;DR: Commission prices were supposed to increase in July but have been delayed to later this month. 

New Patreon tiers/rewards coming soon!

For those who are already pledged to my Patreon or are considering doing so, I have some exciting news for you! I'm currently working on introducing some new tiers to my Patreon. In addition to this, I also intend to implement new rewards for those who are in certain tiers or higher. This includes physical rewards! I am still figuring out the specifics, but my goal is to have these new features implemented sometime within the next month or so (September-October.) One last thing: It's been a long while since I've done a Monthly Patreon Poll piece. I'm happy to announce that starting this month, I will be starting them up again. Expect a poll sometime this week ~ (For patrons only!)

TL;DR: I will introduce new Patreon tiers/rewards for current and new patrons. I will also be resuming my Patreon-exclusive monthly polls this month.

Online shop coming Fall 2023:

After years of wishing to do so, I'm at a place where I can finally start planning on reopening an online shop to sell merch! I'm gonna start off with a soft launch featuring a small selection of products at first to test the waters. I'm thinking I have a limited number of goods sold via Ko-Fi. If that goes well, then I could look into opening on Storenvy or Shopify with more products. I'd like to offer both fan work and original designs, so hopefully I can offer a little something for everyone ^^ I don't have an exact date in mind but my goal is to get this going sometime in the fall.

TL;DR: I am hoping to do a soft launch for a new online shop sometime this coming fall. It will feature original designs and fan art.

General Art Ideas:

The last thing I'd like to touch upon is some ideas I have in mind for my general art direction. Something I'd really like to do is develop my existing characters further, especially my personas. Just something to bring out me and my character's personalities more so that my pieces have more depth than just visual appeal. Comics, animations, and other experimental pieces come to mind. In general, I'd like to step out of my comfort zone more and make some more meaningful connections with other like-minded folks (while still maintaining boundaries.) One way I would especially like to do this is by streaming art and video games. I don't have a time frame on this stuff like the other sections mentioned but I'd love to get these things going sooner rather than later.

TL;DR: I'm aiming to develop my art and characters even further. I also want to step out of my comfort zone and put myself out there more with activities such as streaming. No date for these things yet but hopefully soon!

---

If you've managed to make it this far into the post, I'd like to thank you! Moving to my new living environment has opened up some opportunities for me that I'd like to take advantage of. I've been stuck in a rut for quite a while but am hoping to finally take a much-needed leap. This will hopefully bring me to even further heights. I hope you'll come along on this journey with me ^^ I'll do whatever I can to make sure it's worth it.

[bigskydreaming]

Okay I’m sorry to have to do this one more time but hopefully this is the last time, because its like, final payment time. The prosthetic joint for my surgery is all done, all my pre-op exams and scans are done, literally all that’s left now is the surgery itself, but because of the pandemic and privatized health care seizing upon the pandemic as an excuse to do everything ass-backwards that they can get away with, and because even four years into this everyone and their mother is still trying to term this jaw joint replacement surgery a non-essential procedure (despite the chronic pain, migraines, vertigo, occasional vision whiteouts and other assorted nerve wtf-ery that stems from having a jaw only attached on one side of your face and flopping around all willy-nilly, lmao but sure nonessential, let’s go with that) AHEM, anyway....basically, they’re not letting me schedule the surgery until I’ve....paid for it. Which is...yeah. 

But long story short, my insurance is paying for my hospital fees since its happening at Cedars-Sinai which is in-network for me, as is the anesthesiologist, the post-recovery physical therapy, etc....all that’s left to pay is the fees for the actual surgery itself, the surgeons’ professional charges for the procedure basically. Which came to a whopping $21K out of pocket. I’ve covered as much of it as I possibly can via credit cards, personal loans, and every cent I’ve been able to save over the past four years that hasn’t been needed for eating, maintaining insurance and keeping a roof over my head, and so now I’m literally only $450 short. 

Anything anyone can do to help me get closer to that is nothing short of life-changing for me at the moment, lol, sorry to be melodramatic about it, but like. Yeah. Getting to this point has been the entirety of my existence for the past four years, I THOUGHT I was already to this point last summer only for that doctor to turn out to be shady, and like...yeah. I’m still working as best I’m able, open to commissions, literally anything and everything to try and make that amount myself still, but again cuz of the pandemic and how packed hospitals are, and the fact that I need it to be this SPECIFIC hospital in order to make the most of my insurance there and not be hit with several thousand more in facility fees.... even once I pay them in full, the surgery itself will still be about six weeks out. Once its on the books, I can at least finally relax somewhat and just focus on making it through until that happens, but that’s enough of a lag time that I’m just really really really trying to get it scheduled as soon as humanly possible. So I’m really hoping this is the absolute last time I’ll have to do this, I’ve gotten as close to it as I can right now and I’m still working to make the rest of it myself, but any and all help closing this final gap is incredibly appreciated and can change things for me so much, and hopefully, finally SOON. 

(I mean, relatively speaking. But like its been four years, six weeks is a drop in the bucket compared to that. I’m just really trying to not have it be MORE than six weeks. Especially since 2020 has made it its personal mission to level up in crisis-mode every couple of weeks anyway, and who knows what curveballs are still coming, y’know?) 

Anyway, thanks again, and for everyone who has already helped me get here, and please just know all of it has and continues to make a huge difference.

0/$450

https://paypal.me/bigskydreaming?locale.x=en_US

https://ko-fi.com/kalenp

[thegreenwolf]

Betting on the Ponies (originally posted at my blog at https://thegreenwolf.com/betting-on-the-ponies/)

(Above:  Breyer Classic Arabian Stallion made over into a winged unicorn with real wings from a barnyard mix rooster I raised for meat.)

If you’ve been paying attention to my social media or my shop links at all, you may have noticed that I haven’t really been posting much in the way of new hide and bone art for the past year or so. It’s not that I’ve stopped; I still make some fun things for my Patrons on Patreon every month, and I make some bone, tooth and claw jewelry on Etsy to order. But ever since events dried up, I haven’t been regularly making new batches of costume pieces or other Vulture Culture art. My usual M.O. was to make all sorts of new things for an upcoming event, and then once the weekend was done and I was home, post whatever hadn’t sold on Etsy. And since there haven’t been events…well…I’ve just found myself doing other things.

Some of that is because I’ve had to scramble to make up for the lost income; events were a pretty big chunk of my “pay”, and losing them meant having to tighten the belt. I also lost several other income streams thanks to the pandemic making it unsafe to be around groups of people, which didn’t help. So I had to rely on what was left, along with adopting a few new sources of bits and bobs of cash here and there.

And, honestly, I’ve needed a bit of a break. I’ve been making hide and bone art for over two decades now, and while I love it, any artist eventually wants to explore different media for a while. Sure, I’ve stretched my Vulture wings in new directions, going from costume pieces and ritual tools to assemblages and the Tarot of Bones. But ever since the Tarot came out, I’ve been feeling….not really burned out, but a little creatively wrung out, at least. I’ve really appreciated my Patrons and Etsy customers who have helped me keep a hand in that particular medium, while also allowing me to head off in other directions, too.

Which is to say that if you have been paying attention to the aforementioned social media and shops, you may have also noticed that I’ve been increasing the number of customized Breyer model horses and other animals I’ve made over the past couple of years. This might seem like a heck of a departure from skulls, bones, and other dead things. But in a way it’s really me getting back to long-neglected roots.

(One of my favorite customs I’ve done on one of my favorite molds, the Breyer semi-rearing mustang. )

See, I was a horse girl when I was a kid. Or, rather, I was a wannabe horse girl. I never got to lease or own a horse, and even now in my early 40s I’m still about the greenest rider you’ll find. (Seriously, I need one of those kid-proof horses that’s seen it all, done it all, and is probably more trail-smart than I am.) But I was obsessed with horses from a young age. It started with my very first My Little Pony that I got Christmas morning, 1983 (Applejack, if you must know), and then exploded further with a book on how to draw horses and my first Breyer model (Black Beauty 1991 on the Morganglanz mold) in my preteens. Horse actually took over for Gray Wolf for a few years as my primary animal spirit during my teens, so we have a very long history indeed.

And since I couldn’t have a real horse, I ended up collecting model horses, mostly Breyers with a few old Hartlands for variety. I had over 100 at the peak of my collecting, but I had to sell them all in my early twenties when I was between jobs. In hindsight it was probably for the best because having less stuff made it easier to get through the period of my life where I was moving about once a year, but I do miss that collection.

Back then I did my part to add to the artistic end of the model horse hobby, mostly with badly blended acrylic paint jobs and terrifying mohair manes and tails. But it made me happy, and that was the most important thing. Even though I only knew a couple other collectors in my little rural area, and my only real connection to the hobby was through the quarterly Just About Horses magazine Breyer put out, my collecting really made me happy in the same way that my first fur scraps and bones would catch my interest a few years later.

2020….well, it sucked. We all know that. Pandemic, political stress, financial roller coasters and more made it a really tough year for anyone who wasn’t wealthy enough to hide away and weather it all. And many of us found ourselves with more time at home, in need of distractions and solace. It ended up being a time where many people rediscovered their love of childhood hobbies. I’m one of those people. I’ve been slowly edging my way back in for the past few years, starting with repainting a few old Breyer models found at thrift stores, and then gaining momentum as I found that not only was I much better at customizing these models than I used to be, but I was having fun without the pressure to make a living off of it. (Yes, I love my hide and bone art, but when an art form is your bread and butter, it changes your relationship to it. But that’s a post for another time…)

So 2020 saw me really ramp up my customization efforts. I had to stop for a few months in summer and fall when I moved to a spifftacular new living space on the farm I’ve been working on the past few years (with, by the way, THE best studio space EVER!) but as the days shortened I found myself making more dedicated time to repainting and otherwise customizing models. I even started keeping a few of the models I’d bought to customize that were in better condition to create a small, but slowly growing original finish collection, and that really helped me feel like I was back in the (not actually a) saddle.*

That’s why a well-established artist of organic, pagan-influenced arts made from fur and leather and bone and feather suddenly started painting all these secondhand plastic ponies. It’s giving me that deep injection of childhood nostalgia balanced with adult skill and perspective, and it’s offered me a much-needed break from the exhausting schedule I’ve been living the past decade or so. Because suddenly, even with the time spent rearranging my income opportunities to make sure I could stay afloat, I found myself with a little time that hadn’t been scheduled to death, and when I thought about what I wanted to do with that time, I gravitated toward one of the few creative outlets in my life that was purely for fun.**

(Yes, this IS fan art of “The Last Unicorn”! I used a Breyer Stablemate rearing Arabian for the unicorn, and a Breyer Spanish fighting bull for the Red Bull. A LOT of fun to make this particular project.)

In a way having all my events canceled was one of the best things that happened to me, because it made me slow the fuck down. I no longer had several weekends a year where I had to spend weeks beforehand making art and otherwise preparing to be away from all my farm responsibilities for 4-7 days at a time, with all the packing and moving and setup and vending and teaching and teardown and going home and unpacking and exhaustion that goes with each event. I realized just how much each one was taking out of me, especially as I’ve gotten older. And I also recognized how much pressure I had been putting on myself to ALWAYS MAKE MORE STUFF FOR ETSY EVERY WEEK OR ELSE.

So the model horses are really sort of a symbol of the childhood joy I’ve managed to recapture, wresting time and energy back from my workaholic tendencies. I’ve even been thinking about what my professional life is going to look like once the pandemic eases up enough to allow events again, and whether I’ll put the same amount of time toward vending and and teaching at conventions and festivals as I used to. (There are a few favorites that I’m not going to miss for anything, so don’t worry about me dropping out entirely.) But for the first time in a very long time, I’m relearning to prioritize myself, and figuring out that maybe I don’t have to go hell-bent for leather every week, every year, in order to keep the bills paid and the critters fed.

And maybe, just maybe, it’s okay for this dead-critter-artist, pagan-nonfic-author, teacher-vendor-farmer, to indulge herself with something fun, and bet on the ponies to help her get through the tough times.

(P.S. Amid everything going on, I am back to working steadily on my next book, which I mentioned in this blog post almost a year ago. As a recap, its working title is Coyote’s Journey: Deeper Work With the Major Arcana, and it’s a deep dive into that section of the tarot using pathworkings with the animals I assigned to the major arcana of the Tarot of Bones. It’s not just a Tarot of Bones book, though; it’s a good way to get a new, nature-based angle on the majors in general, as well as hopefully gain a better understanding of yourself. My goal is to have it out later this year, self-pub of course, and at the rate I’m going it may end up being my longest book! Stay tuned, and if you want to get excerpts of the work-in-progress, become my Patron for as little as $1/month!)

*At the height of my “horse girl” phase, I had a really beat-up pony saddle I’d bought for ten bucks at a yard sale, and got a cheap saddle stand for it and put it in my room. And yes, I occasionally sat on it and pretended I was riding an actual horse. Hey, it made me happy at the time, and it was the closest I was ever going to get apart from a trail ride every few years.

**Yes, I do sell my customs. But I don’t make them on a schedule, I take commissions VERY sparingly, and I’m getting to stretch some new creative muscles, especially in the realms of sculpting and painting, so this is primarily for my enjoyment. The sales are just a side benefit.

(My ode to the forests of the Pacific Northwest, a Breyer deer repainted to resemble the Columbian black-tailed deer that frequent the farm I live on, along with hand-sculpted Amanita muscaria mushrooms, real and fake moss, and real lichens from fallen branches.)

[erekiosuncreativeideas]

Being Human - Chapter 23

<= Chapter 22

Summary : Snatcher is taken to a familiar room of the manor. Also available on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/24826561/chapters/74145501

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

(Trigger warning for this chapter : emotional abuse and creepy situation)

HEEEEEEY NEW CHAPTER

SO. Let me put some dates here.

Sunday 4th of April 2021 : chapter 24 will be posted. Thursday 8th of April 2021 : chapter 25 (last chapter) will be posted.

Why do I wait a few days to post the last chapters ? Because I want to draw for them, and, if possible, make as many drawings I can. Hopefully, you'll like this chapter and the last two as well ! Thank you for remaining so passionate about this story since its beginning, it means a lot to me !

The “Oh The Humanity” AU belongs to @doodledrawsthings​​ !

Uh if you’re interested, I post my progress on my chapters on Hatty Fan Time (the AHIT Discord server I’m moderating with two friends), so if you wanna join, go ahead !

Happy reading !

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Chapter 23 : “I can do this, I can… I will do this.”   

-“There we are,” sing-sang the Queen, opening the door leading to the nursery. To Snatcher’s horror, while the room was still relatively damaged, mostly with claw marks on the walls, it remained recognizable. The sight was enough to give him flashbacks of the time they had commissioned this room, of the time they had entered it the first time after it was completed- The former ghost could remember it like it was yesterday: the couple had been so happy, staying in the room for a good hour, imagining how their child would be like, how they wanted to give them as much love as possible… But none of that ever happened.

Instead, the Subcon Freezing had happened, ruining all hope for Snatcher to ever have kids, ruining his dreams of having a family with the woman he loved so, so much.

And now, he was back in that cursed room, a room that was reminding him of what could have been, had things been different.

Snatcher had no choice but to rely on Vanessa so he wouldn’t put any weight on his broken ankle. No need to say this was frustrating… And extremely frightening, having to depend on the one who had mercilessly killed you. The former ghost knew he had no choice anyway and he could do nothing but clench his teeth, hoping nothing would happen. With a swift gesture, the Queen grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him inside, soon closing the door behind them. The sudden movement made him cry out in pain as it forced his body to put weight on his injured ankle. It didn’t take long for Vanessa to notice what had happened and she quickly helped him to straighten, a sickening smile painted on her face.

-“There, there,” she cooed: “It’s okay. You know what you need ?” she then asked, completely out of the blue. A look of fear crossed his features as he heard her words. Oh, this couldn’t be good, now, could it…? The Queen remained silent after her own question and her face grew irritated, which were pretty good indicators that she was waiting for an answer from him. With this realization, the child quickly realized he had to give her a sign, anything- and so, unable to speak, he just shook his head, his whole body trembling from the pain, the fear and the cold.

Seeming satisfied with Snatcher’s reply, even if non-vocal, she smiled again and quickly picked him up without any warning. Naturally, out of surprise, the former ghost gasped and started to struggle. How could he not, when his own murderer was holding him in her arms, without any difficulty? However, it didn’t take much to convince him otherwise: Vanessa’s warning glare and the pain in his ankle from the movements were more than enough.

-“Now, now,” she sermonized him, all while carrying him to the crib. As soon as she got them both closer, he guessed her intents, and his face paled up. God, this nightmare was just becoming even worse- she was going to put him into the crib where their child should have been hundreds of years ago, should they have been born.

This was so disturbing, so creepy-…! But, apparently, Vanessa wasn’t seeing anything wrong with this. She really was taking him for a child, a child she had to care for.

This was sickening.

-“W-wait!” he interrupted her just as she was about to lower him into the pink crib, and she gave him both a confused and annoyed look.

-“What’s the matter?” she asked back, narrowing her eyes and furrowing her brow. Oh, this wasn’t good.

-“I’m… I’m too old to be in a cradle,” he tried, hoping this would be enough, though he couldn’t help but giggle nervously, his eyes looking away in fear they’d see anger on the Queen’s face, maybe worse. She stared at him for a moment… And soon enough, a light laughter left her lips, all trace of annoyance gone from her face, as if those had never been there in the first place.

-“Oh ho ho,” she took a deep breath as she finished laughing, sighing. Snatcher… Didn’t like that.

-“W-what…?” he wondered, his voice trembling from uncertainty and dread. Why would she laugh at something like this?

-“Oh, silly one,” she replied, an even more sickening smile painted on her ghostly lips, one that was letting him see her sharp fangs: “You need to rest, and I have the perfect bed for that. Your age doesn’t matter, does it? Cribs are for children, and you are one, don’t you?” she retorted, as if this was oh so very obvious.

Perhaps she had remained too unstable for years to remember cradles were for young infants, or toddlers. Her madness had affected her perception of reality, so much that she couldn’t see the problem here- or maybe she did, though in that case, why would she care? She had murdered him centuries ago, she wouldn’t feel guilty about forcing a kid into a crib!

And, well, it wasn’t like he could struggle more, seeing his injured ankle. After all, not only did this hurt, but this was also a very good warning of what could happen to him should he resist more. All of his instincts were crystal clear: “wait for the right opportunity”, they instructed him. And so, as the Queen lowered him into the cradle, Snatcher did his best not to cringe at the thought and didn’t resist. Once done, Vanessa stepped back and looked at him with a twisted fondness, one that made Snatcher want to throw up. Though he knew better and stayed still and silent.

-“Aaaw, look at you!” the Queen cooed, as if this was the cutest thing she had even seen in years- which was probably the case, in hindsight: “See, you fit just right!” At this remark, the young Prince examined the crib. Yeah, sure, he could fit while sitting- but lying down? This was another story. With the body of a twelve years old kid, or around that age, it was obvious this was the worst choice ever for a bed.

Although… Although this was much, much better than being put in Vanessa’s, he just realized. A chill ran down his spine at the thought. Yeah… Yeah, the cradle wasn’t so bad in comparison.

Snatcher’s thoughts were interrupted as he heard a clap of hands next to him- and unsurprisingly, it was her.

-“Good!” she spoke again: “Now that you’re ready to rest, I’ll bake some cookies!” She started to walk to the door and the former shade felt relieved at the idea of her leaving him alone- but just before exiting the room, she stopped and turned to him, a knowing smile on her lips:

-“Stay in the bed and sleep, alright?” she told him, and Snatcher had no trouble to detect that this was not a suggestion: “I don’t want anyone running around here. Otherwise, there will be consequence. Have I made myself clear… Uh…” she stopped for a moment, thinking, before tilting her head to the side: “Wait, what is your name? I don’t think I asked you before, did I?”

Oh. Oh crap. He obviously couldn’t give her his old name, this was the worst possible thing to do- but what other name could he use? Obviously, if he took too much time to decide, she would know… And yet, no words could leave his mouth.

Snatcher was simply paralyzed. At no time he had expected her to ask about his name- but how could he not think of anything like this?

-“Well?” she urged him, getting suspicious. Oh no, oh no, he had to find something, quick…!

-“Lu...” he tried, hoping he’d find a name close to his old one, something that would easily evoke close forms of the name “Lukas”, he lacked too much time to think more. But nothing was coming in his mind: “Lu…!”

The Queen frowned, confused.

-“Lulu?” she repeated, as a confirmation she had understood. Instantly, a wave of relief washed over him, though he did his best to hide it as much as he could.

-“Y-yes,” he nodded weakly, with a trembling smile: “That’s… That’s my name, yes,” he lied, trying so hard to keep his “happy mask” on. As a response, Vanessa stared at him, as if she were watching for any sign of lie in his words, in his expression. Snatcher hands were becoming clammy from how dreadful this whole situation was, his heart was beating loud and fast in his chest, he was doing his best to keep his breathing under control, no matter how difficult this was… And, finally…!

-“This is such a cute name!” exclaimed Vanessa with glee, clasping her hands once more: “Well, Lulu. I hope I can trust you, right?” Another warning, one that was even more obvious than the last one. The former ghost forced himself to smile again, despite how insincere it must have looked- but perhaps Vanessa was too unstable to see it, or so he hoped.

-“Of… Of course!” he lied again, with a nod: “I’ll just… Sleep and wait for you to come back,” he assured, hoping this would suffice. And fortunately…

-“Perfect!” her face lightened up, yet Snatcher couldn’t tell if she was fully convinced. In any case, she grabbed the door handle and waved at him affectionately, like a mother would do to her child. This was… Extremely upsetting, given the circumstances. Still, the child merely forced another smile… And let out a huge sigh of relief as the Queen finally left the room.

Gods, this had been much, much more terrorizing than anything he could have potentially imagined.

Doing everything he could to remain silent, the young Prince listened closely to her steps slowly getting away, and waited a few more minutes, just to be sure. When he was sure she was definitely far away from this room, Snatcher tried to straighten up, only to be cut short by the acute pain on his ankle. Oh yeah.

There was this problem too.

The former ghost winced and frowned. What could he do for that? He couldn’t possibly escape with such an injury… Not only would it hurt, but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to move discreetly. With Vanessa being in the room under this one… Oh, yes, she would definitely hear him. Then what? It wasn’t like he could miraculously heal that ankle-

However, his body froze as a stroke of genius burst in his mind. Maybe, just, maybe this could work… Frowning and wincing in advance, not really sure if this would succeed… Snatcher moved his hands to his broken ankle and closed his eyes, focusing.

He had learnt healing magic in his past life… Now, it was just a matter of hoping this small and frail body would allow him to use it. And so, the former ghost tried to find the small spark of magic he still had under this form. Breathing in and out, it was like trying to find something that was now hidden in the depth of his mind, something that felt so familiar and yet so foreign.

“Come on…” he urged himself, feeling himself getting closer and closer to that feeling he was trying so hard to find. Healing magic wasn’t as easy as fire one for him, one of the main reasons being that his mother’s family had been gifted with the power of fire. Summoning flames was thus easier for him- healing magic, though? This was a complete new story. While fire had been easy to learn at the time, him being a natural at it, the other types of magic had to be learnt the traditional way, with teachers, a lot of reading and study times, and getting familiarized with the elements you were learning.

Of course, in his situation, Snatcher couldn’t really use any of those things. All he could do was trying to focus… And soon enough, he began to feel tingles at the tips of his fingers. Yes, this is what he had been looking for! A small smile of victory spread on his lips, but he did his best to remain focused. In the meantime, the child could feel his injured ankle becoming number and number to the pain, and maybe… Bones shifting around a bit, though it was more uncomfortable than actually painful. This was working, this was working, he knew it, he knew he could-!

And suddenly, Snatcher felt like he lost all grasp on his magic. Shocked, the former shade opened his eyes, the tingling sensation in his fingertips quickly disappearing as if it had never been there at all. Why? Confusion spread onto his features and he looked at his hands, almost hoping he’d see what went wrong. But everything seemed normal.

And in fact, it was, thinking about it. The fact that he had been able to summon healing magic when he was in a body inexperienced with it… Was already quite an achievement, and it made sense it wouldn’t last, that this would be too unstable for that.

The former ghost tentatively moved his ankle, already wincing in advance in fear of how much it would hurt- but it wasn’t as painful as he had first thought. He slowly and carefully palpated his skin, trying to feel what had changed. Sure, touching it hurt, however… However, he was almost sure that his bones weren’t broken anymore.

He had managed to heal the biggest part of his injury. A long sigh of relief left his lips: things were… Going really well. But Snatcher was far from being over with this, oh, very, very far. He still had to escape this cursed place.

As silently as he could, Snatcher straightened up and hopped over the guardrail of the crib. His feet met the floor with a muffled sound, which was enough to scare him: had Vanessa heard anything? The sudden pressure on his ankle made his face tensed greatly though he managed to contain the urge to whine in pain.

This body was definitely one of a child… But to the former shade, he was sure that his mind had been altered to a degree, and this was not something he liked. He had to find the kids and Moonjumper, making sure they were alive, that he had managed to save them… And have the brats returning him to his adult for- no, his spirit form. Yes, that was what he wanted, and for a moment, he felt confused as to why this hadn’t been the first thing popping in his mind.

What was happening to him…?

The child forced his mind to focus back on reality: this wasn’t the time for questions. Who knew how much time he had before Vanessa decided to check up on him? If he had to try something, without getting caught, this was literally now or never. Waiting was dangerous, especially if his friends needed him- it was really cold outside, freezing even… Would he even get there on time? He was pretty far away, especially on foot…

“No,” he tried to reassure himself: “I can do this, I can… I will do this.”

Determination was now fueling inside of him, almost making him forget the pain in his ankle and how low the temperatures were in the manor. He himself was also on a time limit: his fragile body would become less efficient the colder it would get- Snatcher couldn’t lose any more time.

Slowly, silently, the child moved to the door and slightly opened it. Good, it hadn’t been locked, and he couldn’t hear anything coming closer, whether it was a voice or steps. Another sigh of relief left his lips, and after hesitating a bit… The young Prince took a deep breath and moved forward, entering the hallway with a mix of apprehension, fear, and resolve.

He was going to leave this manor and find his friends again.

This was a promise.

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ONLY TWO CHAPTERS LEFT

I hope you liked this chapter, I can't wait to show you the ending of this fanfiction ! Thank you so much for following me this far, and I hope you'll be there for my next fanfic too ! (I already have an idea of the story, so now it's a matter of making it better and actually writing it).

See you next Sunday !

=> Chapter 24

[otomeramblings]

Moments when he realizes he loves you: Omi

Pairing: Omi x Reader

Pronouns: written in 2nd person; remains gender neutral

From Omi's general demeanor, I think we can all agree that he's more of a giver than a taker in all of his relationships, so it isn't surprising that such behavior would also be reflected once he is in a romantic relationship. He has a very nurturing nature, so he loves it when you rely on him because it lets him know that you trust him with your troubles. Whenever you go to him when you need help (no matter how trivial the situation might be), his chest puffs out with pride at the fact that you see him as someone dependable. Before you started dating, the first time you confided in him and let yourself cry in front of him it broke his heart in such a way that it made him realize how much he had begun to care for your happiness and well-being.

Since he dropped his old life as the “mad wolf”, Omi has really come to appreciate habits in his everyday life, he likes the security and the simple contentment that come with them. Because of this, he gets great satisfaction from going shopping together with you, grocery shopping in particular. He enjoyed it when he lived at the dorms, when you accompanied him during his trips to the store to get enough supplies to feed over 20 people. But if you were to ask him, your first trip to the store after you had moved in together was the particular instance that came to mind. You had been working around tirelessly and had decided to make a run to the store to get food to prepare your first dinner in your new apartment once the sun had started to set and your stomachs had started rumbling. The store was within walking distance but you didn’t account for the rain that started pouring down when you were halfway there; you had to rush to get there but you couldn’t avoid getting drenched even after Omi had tried to cover you with his jacket. So there you where, deciding if you wanted to be healthy and buy fruit for dessert or if you’d say, fuck it, we should go big and buy cupackes to celebrate. And he couldn’t help the fond smile that adorned his features while looking at you, you with your hair matted and sticking to your face and half drowning in his jacket, because if that moment was (hopefully) was an example of something that he’d get to experience for the rest of his life, then he couldn’t thank his lucky stars enough.

Now, as I said, he’s a very giving person. But that doesn’t mean he’s not thankful when you turn the tables on him.

Omi doesn’t get sick very often, but when he does, it usually leaves him out of commission for a couple of days. He’s the type to say that he’s fine because he doesn’t want anyone to worry about him. That said, he can’t deny that there’s something incredibly endearing about seeing you fussing over him when he gets like this. at the beginning stages of your relationship he used to feel a bit guilty about monopolizing your time and attention, but after you continued to reassure him that you wanted to care for him, he started to see things from a different perspective. Now that he pushes that guilt aside, he can’t deny the warmth that spreads through his chest whenever you bring him food and water and try to help him drink and eat, or when you take his temperature or run your fingers through his hair with touches so gentle that you’d think he was made of delicate glass.

Another thing that makes omi feel as if he were walking on cloud nine is seeing you get along with his family. He remembers one specific occasion when you two had scheduled to have dinner with them and since you were working and he had rehearsal with his troupe, you both had agreed to meet up outside the house. What he didn’t factor in was the fact that rehearsals would end up running late. In the end, you had to meet up with his family without him for an hour and half. He rushed out on his bike as soon as they wrapped things up since he didn’t want to make things uncomfortable for you. But once he arrives, he realizes he didn’t have anything to worry about. You’re finishing setting the table with his father while his younger brothers talked to you excitedly about something. You then reached out to ruffle the hair of his youngest brother and you all stuck out your tongues playfully at each other. He had paused on the doorway and his father was the first to take notice of him and ushered him into the room. Giving him a pat on the back, his father had whispered in his ear “you better not let them slip away, they’re a keeper.” Looking at your bright smile while his brothers dragged you to the main room to show you something, the only thing he could muster up was a soft “I know”

Now listen to me. We all know that Omi has many regrets about his past and that he doesn’t like to talk about it much. After he opened up to you, he’s honestly worried that you would look at him differently; he wouldn’t blame you, but it would still hurt. You don’t let this revelation change anything, of course, and he’s always grateful to have found someone who accepts him so wholeheartedly. In relation to this, there’s one thing in particular that never fails to make him melt: whenever you kiss the scar on his chin. You used to do it before he told you how he got it, but you doing it with this new knowledge always gets to him because it’s your way of sending a message, a message that says that you love him for who he is, every part of him, even those parts that he doesn’t love himself. The first time you did it right after he told you, you were laying down together, with his head on your chest while he tried to calm his racing heart after waking up from a nightmare; and you had grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles, the skin rough after all those years of fighting. Then you proceeded to place kisses over his face: on his forehead, on his eyelids, on both of his cheeks and finally on his scar, and each of them felt both as light as a feather and as warm as your love for him. His last thought before falling asleep, as he buried his face on the crook of your neck and as he listened to the calming sound of your heartbeat, is how he had never felt as safe as he did that moment in your embrace.

On a similar angsty note: let’s talk about Nachi, shall we? when he opened up to you about his past, he also told you about his friend and what had happened to him. what he didn’t tell you, though, was that he had started to tell Nachi about you as well. Periodically, Omi likes to leave new flowers in Nachi’s grave and to just update him about what’s been happening in his life. It was during one of those visits that Omi told him about you, about the time you spend together, pointing out various things he liked about you, and only when he quieted down, and the only sound around him was that of the rustling leaves being moved by the slight breeze, was that he realized that he was smiling from ear to ear and the only thoughts occupying his mind were how much Nachi would have loved to tease him for sounding like a love-struck puppy and how he wished you two would have had the chance to meet. And after some time, you do get to meet Nachi. Once Omi feels ready to introduce you, he takes you to the cemetery to finally meet his best friend. you’re nervous, of course, but following Omi’s lead, it doesn’t take you long to warm up and start talking to Nachi on your own. You talk about yourself, and you talk about Omi, about how kind and strong he’s become, about how happy he makes you and about how happy you hope to make him in turn. At that, Omi slips an arm around your waist and kisses the top of head, a few tears escaping from the corners of his eyes, and he breathes out “you already do.” The sound is faint and slightly choked up, but it sounds loud and clear in your ears, and the only thing you both hope is that it sounds that way for Nachi, too.

Note: It’s 3am and I can’t believe Omi took over my brain in such a way. But yeah, anyway, I’m thinking of maybe writing something like this for other characters and I can’t promise it will be soon since I write when inspiration strikes but if you want any character in particular, my askbox is open

Edit: re-posting this to see if it will actually show up on the tags this time -.-

[not-xpr-art]

Art Deep Dives #2 - The History of Fanart

Hi everyone!

This post is part of my Art Deep Dives tag, where I ramble about art-y things, often with some relation to art history in some way. 

just so you know, these essays aren’t formal in anyway lol! I just do them for fun & to hopefully be interesting in some way to someone!

This week I’ll be talking about the history and importance of fanart! It’s not the entire history of fanart, just some key moments and points in it that I feel are important!

(this essay is about 2500 words long btw!)

Part 1 - What even is fanart?

I think when a lot of people hear about ‘fanart’, they often think of it as a new thing, something that came along at some point in the last century when media begun to be mass circulated around the world.

But, of course, fanart has existed long before media like Star Wars or Doctor Who were created, and even long before photography was invented, even if it wasn’t necessarily referred to as ‘fanart’ at that time since the concept of ‘intellectual property’ hadn’t been introduced at that point. 

So I think at first we need to define what we even mean when we refer to ‘fanart’... 

Put simply, it’s artwork made by people who are interested in something created by someone else, such as a TV show, film, book, podcast, video game etc. However, by this definition, where do original characters created by the fans as part of franchises fit into the picture? Or celebrity fanart? Or artists who use famous people’s appearances as the base for their own characters? Or what of artworks of media that have long since passed copyright laws (such as Shakespeare works, Austen works, etc)? And where do illustrations of books fit into this?

So perhaps a wider description would be, artworks made by fans of and inspired by something “belonging” to someone else (either a piece of media or... themselves). The issue of this description is that most portraiture would fit into this. So... are we about to call Thomas Gainsborough or Joshua Reynolds, two of the most famous British portrait painters of the 18th century, fanartists? 

I think a lot of people in the art world would scoff at this concept, because even now the feelings surrounding fanart are pretty negative. They see it as less of a valid form of art and instead as ‘derivative’ and ‘unoriginal’. I’ve heard both non-artists and artists alike talk about fanart as ‘not real art’, and then in the next breath they’re praising portraits made by Leonardo da Vinci or Vincent Van Gogh. 

I also think it’s important to note that fanart isn’t exclusively portraiture too. Often artists will draw landscapes, still life works or even abstract pieces based on their favourite media. And as previously mention, a lot of artists and writers create their own characters within a world created by another person. So, for all intents and purposes, that is a form of original art, but it is often still put down in comparison to people who make up an entirely new story and world for their characters. 

Part 2 - Renaissance artists and Bible fanart!?

One of the most common defences I’ve seen for fanart is that Renaissance artists’ basically did Bible and Mythology fanart, and their artwork is considered ‘masterpieces’ so... that’s that!

Right?

Well, if we’re sticking with the definition of fanart being something based on a series of characters or concepts owned by someone else, then Religious or Mythological based art would definitely fit into this. 

(Leonardo da Vinci’s ‘Virgin of the Rocks’, currently being held in the National Gallery in London).

But I think it’s important to note that the art world was a very different place in Renaissance Europe. Concepts and characters didn’t belong to any one person or group of people, instead everything was a lot more homogenised. There’s a reason why when we think of figures like Jesus or the Virgin Mary, we have a very particular idea of what they look like (a very white-washed idea, I might add). The same thing goes for portrayals of figures from Greek or Roman mythology. There were often motifs associated with these deities that dated back to Antiquity, and Renaissance artists looked back to this for their inspiration. But there was no one specific point of reference for these ‘characters’ other than the Bible, which didn’t actually ‘belong’ to anyone, not even the church.  

So, I think it’s valid to bring up Renaissance artists and how the modern concept of ‘originality’ in art was less important to artists or patrons, and much of the art they did was exclusively works based on something the artist did not come up with. In my first Art Deep Dive, I talked about how History paintings (which were often Religious or Mythology based) were valued for being the product of an ‘artistic genius’ and their connection to spirituality in comparison to portraits or landscapes that depicted the real contemporary world. 

But do I think it was actually fanart? 

... Probably not... Although I wouldn’t begrudge anyone believing it is, because in a way it does somewhat fit into the definition of fanart. Instead this was to look at how society’s relationship to art has changed drastically in the hundreds of years since that era, as has the purpose of art itself.

And I think it does bring up some interesting discussions of why we are so obsessed with ‘originality’ in art at the moment when it’s not something that was really important before, though! 

Part 3 - What about portraiture? 

So... What about portraiture huh? 

Now, portraiture has existed for as long as art has, essentially, but it took until the Renaissance era and beyond for it to be associated with patrons. Portraiture was more than just ‘old-timey photography’, since it was linked distinctively to a sign of wealth. I mentioned Thomas Gainsborough and Joshua Reynolds earlier, who were two very influential portrait artists of the 18th century, who both fed into a market of middle and upper class patrons wanting their portraits done in this era. 

(This is a piece by Reynolds of the Actress Mrs Siddons as the Tragic Muse).

And in a way this makes portraiture probably the earliest example of fanart as we see it today. 

Except, a part of fanart that people who do it (including myself) often bring up is how it’s connected to a sense of passion and love for something. In a way, portraits done purely as commissions for an aristocrat for profit doesn’t necessarily fit into our modern notion of fanart. 

This brings us back to that darn description of fanart again. Because in our current world fanart can be defined as work of celebrities done as commissions. Except, perhaps, if you’re a known portrait painter (no one says the designer of the postage stamp did fanart of Queen Elizabeth, despite the fact that it... kind of is?). 

So, why is it that a portrait of the Queen is simply a portrait, but one of Billie Eilish is ‘fanart’? Who decides these parameters? And also who decides which one is more ‘worthy’ or ‘valuable’?

Places like the National Portrait Gallery are filled with portraits of famous people from history. But it’s never referred to as the ‘National Fanart Gallery’. I think in a way this boils down to who is doing the art, who the art is of and why they’re painting it. It is funny, though, that the distinction between fanart and portraiture of famous people is so similar that it requires such detailed specifications as to which is which.  

So, I think it’s clear to see that where portraiture fits in the history of fanart is a contentious one... 

Part 4 - Shakespeare, Fairy Paintings and other 18th/19th Century Curiosities...

From the late 18th until the late 19th century essentially saw the birth to what we now know as ‘fanart’, in a way. The growth of middle-class audiences in the early part of the 1800′s meant that there was a new found desire for landscape, genre and portrait art. And coupled with the growth of secularism, history paintings in their traditional sense had lost appeal. 

There was also the small matter of media being so much more accessible and wide spread to bigger audiences due to the industrial revolution. Books were being printed more easily and sold and a reasonable price, not to mention that a significant portion of the population could now actually read, or at the very least were given some form of education. More travel and trade (and also colonialism) also lead to an increase of new kinds of media being explored. Birth of the Gothic genre, Science Fiction, Fantasy, etc, all forms of fiction that we’re very familiar with now were only just entering the public’s consciousness at this point.

Much like now, technological advances were both a blessing and curse to the people of this era. And also like now, art was used as a way to express what was happening in the world. A great example of this is JMW Turner’s Flying ,,, which shows an old ship being transported into harbour by a steamboat, something that was very new to this era. It spoke of the new technologies overpowering the old, and the fears a lot of people had because of this.

This lead to the development of Fairy Paintings, to move to a new time of history painting that was more based on folktales and works of fiction by writers like Shakespeare, and were often used as a form of escapism. William Blake is a prominent figure in this type of painting, along with some Pre-Raphaelite painters. 

This is a piece directly based on Shakespeare’s Macbeth by Henry Fuseli and is completely undoubtedly fanart in essentially every way. Many of his works, and the works of his contemporaries, were based on the works of writers like Shakespeare. 

This piece, along with most of his other works, was also exhibited in the Tate Gallery way back in the early 19th century. Fanart like this was openly welcomed into galleries in this era, something that’s a far cry from my art teachers in school and college actively discouraging us from doing any kind of fanart for our projects. 

The mass appeal of these kinds of art lasted well into the 20th century and even after the advent of photography, which created an entirely new kind of media to be consumed. 

I actually think that a lot of this animosity towards fanart stems from a lot of fanart being born from drawing from photos as references, which is why I think artworks that are fanart from an pre-photography era are valued above artworks done now.

Part 5 - The Beginnings of Intellectual Property and Copyright Hell... 

Earlier I mentioned how fanart could be defined as work done inspired by media belonging to someone else. However, this begs the question whether a single person or company can actually own such things as characters and story concepts.

Copyright as we know it today essentially originated in the 18th century. Now, I’m not going to go into all the history of copyright here (partly because it’s confusing af), but essentially throughout the 18th and 19th century all across the world, intellectual property laws were brought in for books & later extended to other media types. They basically prevented any other person or publisher being able to copy, distribute or adapt the piece of media. As many may know, copyright laws run out after a certain amount of time (I believe either between 70 or 100 years), by which time they enter the Public Domain and are free to be used in anyway by anyone. 

Copyright laws can be a real detriment to fanartists, however, particularly when large companies like Disney cracking down on any small hint of one of their characters in the last few years. This feels particularly insidious to me given how most Disney films are based on old fairy-tales and legends. But in using these centuries old stories and giving them the ‘Disney flavour’, they have been able to essentially repackage the original story for their own profit. Disney of course aren’t the only company to do this, but given how Disney own basically everything media-wise now, they are the biggest perpetrator of this at the moment. 

It’s important to note that to this day, copyright doesn’t extend to ideas or themes. As well as this, copyrighted media can be used by people who don’t own it either by asking for permission or via ‘fair use’. But as a lot of Youtubers would tell you, this is often something that is ignored by large companies in favour of holding monopoly over the entire thing. 

This is of course not to say that copyright can’t be a good thing. I believe that artists and creators deserve to have the rights to their individual works. The issue is surrounding big conglomerate companies using copyright not as a way of protecting and supporting their in-house artists, but as a way of boosting profits. 

My thoughts are that copyright laws should exist to prevent other people or companies from stealing or overtly copying/adapting a work made by someone else, not preventing a small freelance artist from selling a couple prints of a drawing from a film Disney made 20+ years ago based on a stories written hundreds of years ago. 

(I know it’s not as simple as this, but you get what I mean lol)

In a big way, copyright laws were what created our modern notion of fanart, since prior to that no-one really had ownership of their works in the same way that copyright allows you. So, even thought I’ve been quite pessimistic about it, fanart really wouldn’t exist without it so... it’s not all bad lol?

Part 6 - Why is any of this important??

I realise that this is a strange question to ask at the end of this essay, but I really wanted to leave my true personal thoughts until the end in order to keep at least a vague sense of being objective through this lol...

To me, fanart is something that made me fall in love with art in the first place, particularly digital art. I was able to find communities of like minded people and make some really good friends, all because of fanart. 

I’ve also spoken to other artists who say how fanart allows them to connect to their favourite shows or characters or celebrities, and a way of expressing their love for something! It’s also often a gateway for artists to get into art as children, and some have said how fanart has allowed them to be more creative in general! 

Fanart is something so intrinsic to fandom culture, so much so that it has existed for as long as people have loved things (even long before the internet). And I know that a lot of public figures who receive fanart, either of themselves or of works they’ve created, often express genuine happiness of being the inspiration for someone else... 

So, fanart is important to us because it’s escapism, it’s freedom, and it brings us together in such a genuine way! 

I wrote this essay because I wanted to truly explore where fanart actually came from, and what I ended up discovering is that the artworld has never been clean-cut separated into ‘original art’ and ‘fanart’! 

The history of fanart is messy, confusing, but one thing is very clear to me: it doesn’t just run parallel to the history of art as a lot of people assume, it is instead interwoven into the fabric of all art! 

So for my fellow fanartists, keep on doing what you’re doing, because your passion and love is palpable in your work, and really isn’t that what fanart is all about anyway??

~~~

Phew... Can you believe I actually did try and keep this short lol?

Anyway, thank you for reaching the end! And a special thank you to the people over at Artfolapp (my username is dangerliesbeforeyou over there btw!) who gave me their thoughts on fanart! 

As always, my ask box is open for anyone who’s interested in discussing this further, and I also have an Art Advice Tag if you need help on improving your art!

[nessabear05]

A Day To Remember, a Nea x Yui Oneshot

#2k21BVryKnd

#SilverRescueTeam

#SRT

This is a commission collab I did with my friend Fizzie! Basically, we came up with the idea that we give each other characters and a third or first-person POV to go off of, and we write a story just based on those. She posted hers a day or so ago, so go check it out and give it some love!

Fizzie’s Story: http://aminoapps.com/p/u8pxte

Keep in mind…she doesn’t know the plot ;) But I decided with the number of characters she gave me, I would do an AU where they just have a girl’s day! She gave me Nea, Yui, Laurie, Claudette, and Meg to work with! Hope you enjoy girl!

Also uh....had to add a little side ship of your OTP since I know how much you like Quendette :)

Word Count: 1,929

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The weather was perfect today. The sun was shining, no clouds to be seen...it was just a great day to get out and do something. And that’s exactly what this group of friends was doing. But they weren’t going out just as a last-minute thing, this was all planned out months in advance. And it was going to happen no matter the conditions.

Why so dead set on going out? Well, today was an extremely special day for two girls, in particular, those girls being Nea and Yui. The two had been dating for...well what seemed like forever. But they had been dating for around four years maybe? Ever since the beginning of college. And well...within the next couple of days, they were going to get married. And who else would be a part of their wedding if not their group of friends they had been with basically since they were children?

Now, things weren’t always great for this group of girls, but honestly, it always worked out in the end. And today would hopefully be no different. The five of them were just supposed to go out and get their nails done, then go to lunch afterward. And it was all supposed to go according to plan, but you know, nothing could ever go perfect, especially not with this group.

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It had all started this morning, and can you guess who the first one to screw up was? If you guessed Nea, you would be correct. The girl had forgotten to set her alarm the previous night, and Yui had gone to spend the night with some of her old friends from Japan that had flown down to America for the wedding of their friend. They had stayed at the hotel, but they weren’t coming with them to get their nails done today. Since it was just going to be the two bridal parties together.

And as anyone could have guessed, Yui was not that happy to find out that Nea had forgotten an alarm on a pretty special day. But, Nea had apologized profusely as she ran around the house quickly getting changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, all while their three friends Laurie, Meg, and Claudette giggled at the couple’s antics. The lack of Nea being prepared did not make them late though, so that was a little bit of a bonus to the shitty beginning of the day.

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When they arrived at the nail salon, everyone was no doubt, excited. Nea was talking with Meg and Claudette as they walked in, trying to decide on a matching color. Since the two were her bridesmaids, she wanted to make sure she picked out something they all liked. In the end, they had decided on a pretty light pink color. Since Nea’s dress was white, sticking with the traditional way of things. Well, as traditional as you could get with a lesbian wedding that is. The pink would match really well with the bright white gown.

Yui on the other hand was supposed to wear a white kimono, sticking with her traditional Japanese ways. She had a pink and white floral uchikake for the reception afterward, something her grandmother had worn at her own wedding, a garment Yui absolutely adored ever since she was a child. Now….she would get to marry the love of her life in it.

Laurie was her bridesmaid, being closer to the older woman than Nea’s two other friends. And they had both decided on a beige color for their nails, thinking it would look good with the white and the pink. Which, funny enough, were the colors for the decorations the two women had decided to be their main decor of the ceremony.

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As they walked inside the salon, there weren’t a lot of people there, maybe like….two others? Since it was still pretty early, but since they were getting both nails and feet done, they didn’t want to be there super late in the day when more people would start popping up. Common decency at its finest.

They were lead to sit down by a worker after picking out a polish from the walls, deciding to get acrylics for their hands with gel polish instead of normal polish, so it would stick on longer. And...quite a few of them had short nails, mostly because of their jobs. Yui was a mechanic since she always loved bikes and cars, things like that. Nea was a painter, but not a normal one. She got paid to do graffiti art on bridges and such, something to make the town more lively.

Meg was a semi-professional athlete. She wasn’t too well known, but she made a pretty good amount of money. Laurie was a childcare worker, working at a school and her nails broke easily around young children, she had come to learn that the hard way. And Claudette was a doctor, and she didn’t want to accidentally be poking people with her nails all too often through the gloves she wore. So needless to say, they didn’t get to have nice long nails like some girls a lot of the time and wanted to make sure they stayed on for the amount of time they could have them.

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They were sat down in the chairs to get their toes done first, one of the workers bringing over five glasses of champagne for them, one for each girl. And since they were all over twenty-one, they accepted it gratefully. Claudette wasn’t much of a drinker, but she would make an exception for this. It was a pretty special day after all, and she had taken off work for the next two days for the wedding.

Honestly, most of them had forgotten what it was like to just...be pampered like they were. It was honestly something they weren’t able to do often, being adults and such now with jobs to worry about. So it was relaxing while they just chatted, laughed, drank, and got their nails done. They did have a little incident where Meg almost kicked the nail stylist because the red-head was very much ticklish, but it didn’t seem to phase the person working on her. Only waving it off with a chuckle and saying it happens all the time.

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They were there probably around….three and a half hours? Mostly because despite the early time of day, a lot of people seemed to come in quickly, and the girls had to wait to get their hands done. But, nonetheless, it was worth the wait, and the five females were very happy with how everything turned out.

Though they didn’t condone drinking and driving, Claudette didn’t really like the champagne, and only ended up drinking two or so sips before she couldn’t do it anymore, finding the taste too strong without a chaser. And Nea was more than willing to finish it off for the smaller girl.

This also meant Claudette was now their driver for going off to lunch. So, they all piled into Laurie’s car, Laurie in the front with Claudette while the other three sat in the back, Nea and Yui sitting beside each other holding hands while Meg stared out the window, asking where they were going for the thousandth time since they left the salon. And the answer was the same each time. It was some little small-town restaurant that Claudette’s boyfriend, Quentin, owned. So not only would they get a discount, but he made pretty awesome food.

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It didn’t take long to get there, the place only slightly packed for the rush hour of lunchtime. And they quickly got out of the car, heading inside while chatting, obviously having to tease Claudette about coming to the place her boyfriend worked at.

As they walked inside, they spotted the curly-haired brunette behind the diner immediately. He had on his usual bright smile, his smile only growing bigger when he saw the five walk in, but it was definitely aimed towards Claudette.

“Hey, guys! Welcome in and have a seat wherever you want. I trust you guys to not take any unneeded space,” he said, more concentrated on the plates of food he was currently trying to carry. Quentin had changed a lot since high school. He wasn’t as shy as he used to be, and he had grown a lot taller almost six feet, and his hair had grown out a little longer. Needless to say, Claudette made a really good choice when she decided to start dating the nerdy kid.

The five took a seat at a booth, Meg, Laurie, and Claudette on one side with Nea and Yui on the other sitting beside each other. They chatted as they waited patiently for Quentin to come over to take their order, the boy handing off the plates of food to his co-worker, and ex-girlfriend Nancy. They had ended off on good terms, Quentin finding out he was into Claudette. And Nancy was totally fine with that, considering she and Quentin had been friends since childhood.

When he did come over, he let his customer service facade drop, his smile still there but seeming just a little less fake. He leaned down to press a quick kiss against Claudette’s cheek, causing the girl to giggle quietly and her friends to coo at her, “Alright….I’m guessing you all want the usual? Tea for you babe, water for Laurie, Sprite for Meg, iced tea for Yui, and a coke for Nea?” he asked, earning nods and smiles from the five girls. He wrote it down and walked off quickly, not before giving a quick congratulations to Yui and Nea. He hadn’t had much time to see them running his diner. One that his friend Steve had said he should open and most of his friends had pressured him into it. It was one of the best decisions of his life if he was entirely honest.

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They sat and chatted for an hour or so, eating the food that was paid for by Quentin, despite the objections of everyone at the table. But, the brunette was kind that way...even if he was a little more than annoyed when he saw the tip left for him by the five women. Since the day was over, Claudette was going to drive everyone home with Laurie’s car, and Quen would pick her up when he was done with work in a couple more hours.

Nea and Yui were the first to be dropped off since their house was the closest, the engaged couple giving hugs and promises of seeing them tomorrow bright and early to go to where their wedding ceremony was supposed to be held. And after the goodbye’s, waved as they watched their three friends drive off down the road.

Nea turned to her smaller fiance, a small smile on her face as she slipped her arms around the woman’s waist, pulling her closer and pressing a kiss against her forehead, “I ever tell you how much I love you?” she asked with a small tilt of her head, and Yui could only giggle at Nea’s antics.

“You say it all the time darling....but I guess there’s nothing wrong with hearing it again..” she told her as she leaned up, arms wrapping around her shoulders to kiss her properly, lips pressed firmly against Nea’s. If this is what she was getting for the rest of her life, well, then she got pretty damn lucky.

[squarecarousel]

Challenge 144: 10 Years, Looking Forward: A-Frame Studio Life Buckle up-- this is a long one! Wow, ten years. It’s hard to believe a whole decade has passed since Square Carousel began, and since I graduated college. In some ways, it feels like another lifetime, and in others, it feels vastly shorter than the decade before that, from ages 12 to 22. Time is fascinating that way. College was such an incredibly impactful time period, but just a measly 4 years-- I could have done college 2.5 more times back-to-back in the years since I graduated, but somehow those four, from 2007-2011 were monumental.  It’s hard to believe I’ll be in a post-college world without Square Carousel, since the group has been a constant in my life these last ten years. I’m really proud that we made it this far and are able to choose to end the journey, rather than it fizzling out or dying from lack of interest. Sometimes it felt like that might happen, but other times it felt like we were blooming. There have been many ups and downs over the course of this journey. And damn, it was a lot of hard to work to keep running, but I am so grateful for the learning experience. I know so much more about leadership now than I ever would have before-- the delicate balance of having rules to keep the group running (deadlines, participation requirements, our dreaded “strike system”) and keeping up morale (knowing when to forgive slip-ups, keeping challenges sufficiently entertaining and well...challenging, making sure the group feels like it’s a community). Elizabeth and I were reluctant leaders, just naturally having to take those roles as other original members of the group left and were replaced by folks who needed guidance. We definitely didn’t seek it out, but we knew that if the group were to stay alive, we had to put some structure into the system. Pretty early on we made our rules and guidelines, extended the challenges to 3 weeks from just 2, and worked on our visual image online. Our awesome logo was made by former member Casey Crisenbery, and we switched from Wordpress to Tumblr, purchasing a URL, and Casey using special code for custom organization on the site. Sketch critiques were now a halfway point through our 3 weeks-long challenge, which helped a lot with the community aspect and engagement. We started doing interviews for each member, reaching out to other illustration groups, blogs and submission sites and had our work featured on a few of them. Some of us even got jobs from the connections made through Square Carousel!  There was a bad stretch several years ago when I wasn’t sure we’d make it through, with toxic behavior and a few folks petitioning for removing deadlines and structure, making everything optional. One thing I can tell you with certainty after ten years of working with artists is that 95% of us require deadlines to do anything, and incentives/obligations for meeting those deadlines, or it just isn’t going to happen! Elizabeth and I, along with a few other solid members, were able to keep the structure we’d worked hard to create, but the toxic culture had already killed group morale and we lost a lot of members simultaneously. That was a sad and scary time for Square Carousel, but I didn’t want to go out on a sour note. So the small group of us picked the pieces back up again, did a little refocus on our goals as a collective and created an “Admin” so Elizabeth and I didn’t have to carry the entire burden alone. I am forever grateful to Sayada and Jordan for stepping up into these roles to help us get the train back on track. Sayada especially picked up a lot of responsibilities that a newer member shouldn’t have to worry about, and was a total rockstar for Square Carousel. I wish we’d had her with us for the whole ride. I’m so happy that we’ve had a few really great years with some really loyal and talented artists to round out the experience at Year Ten.  There is nobody I’m more thankful for than my Good Cop, Elizabeth, though. She was so reliable, always able to provide balance in our leadership roles, and such a wonderful shoulder to cry on when things got too stressful. Elizabeth, thank you for this journey and for being my SC Wife all these years! It’s so funny because of all the original members, you were one of the only ones I hadn’t really known from SCAD classes, yet you’re the SCAD Illustration friend I have remained most connected to most consistently. Nothing bonds you quite like running an illustration collective does! It also cracks me up that in all these years, we hadn’t ever facetimed or talked on the phone until a few months ago--I didn’t even know your mannerisms or voice, but knew you so well anyway. My greatest internet friend! I love you dearly and it truly won’t feel right, the absence of our weekly SC conversations. Thank you for all of the memories! As just a member and artist, this group has helped me grow so much professionally. It was my client when I didn’t have clients. It was my motivation to paint when I didn’t feel creative. It was my source of portfolio-worthy work, but also my safe place to experiment and fail when I was trying something new. The girl who started as a Square Carousel member freshly graduated in 2011 was working part-time at Urban Outfitters, had basically no money, and no clue how to promote herself. The “studio” was a corner of the bedroom and nobody took her seriously. But a stubborn dedication and the security, purpose and structure of Square Carousel helped the slow change from that lost girl to a full-time freelancing woman. Now, in 2021, I have been doing freelance illustration fully for six years, through contract jobs, editorial, publishing, advertising, commission and local work, as well as selling prints and products online, in local shops and events. I am not making the big bucks, certainly, and I still have goals I’m working towards, but damn, if that isn’t a glow-up, I don’t know what is. Thank you for helping me achieve my impossible dream, Square Carousel, and always being a place with the right amount of advice, support and critique. Ten years, 34 artist interviews, 38 artists, and 144 challenges. I’m the only member to have completed every single one. 144 illustrations through the years. Some were game-changers for my style and my portfolio. Some were total stinkers and I hope you don’t go looking for them. But all were an important step in my career.   So, in ten more years? I’ll be 42 years old, which is very weird because I have never imagined myself that old before... it’s hard to honestly say what that would look like, especially considering the world we are currently living in and how the last 4/5 years have proven that anything (awful) can happen. Jordan and I have a goal to move to Colorado in the next 4 or 5 years, and I’d love to have a little A-Frame in the mountains with a loft studio, shown in my illustration here. Texas has become extremely problematic, especially after the winter storm in February of this year, and will be impacted greatly by climate change, both environmentally and economically. Right now, Austin is still booming, but at some point the lack of foresight in this state’s government is going to screw over the residents and it will be one of the places from which climate refugees run. Is that tomorrow? No, obviously not. But I want to already be settled someplace more stable, having grown some roots, before other folks start to roll in. But, to be able to do that, I need to rely less on my local jobs and connections and be able to have an “anywhere career.” So right now I am focusing on expanding in that way, particularly with book cover illustration and design. I’ve been doing a lot of portfolio work and self-publishing jobs, and hope to get an agent that can shop my work to big-time publishers sometime in the next year or two. Let’s say I succeed at all of those things in five years-- we’re in our Colorado A-Frame, I’m illustrating book covers (and I’ve also convinced my parents to come with me, and maybe a couple friends!). The next five years after that? I don’t know... hopefully a lot of adventures. Hopefully a lot of cool jobs, but also a lot of work/life balance. Right now, I don’t want kids, so the A-Frame will be filled with cats. Maybe we’ll have an old camper van for regular road trips around the western National Parks. I’d love for my work to reflect those passions-- more jobs with outdoor brands, parks, organizations. More book covers for stuff I’d personally love to read and keep on my overflowing shelf. That’s the vague goal for me in ten years, but I don’t want to plan any further than that, because life just also needs to happen the way it’s going to happen. There are parts of my current life I planned for in 2011... and there are parts I never, ever would have guessed. I hope there’s some fun surprises in 2031, too. Thanks for the decade, Square Carousel. Joining illustration collectives will always be the first bit of advice I give fresh graduates. Caitlin

[soyouareandrewdobson]

The biggest post yet: Analyzing a multipage story

Before I begin, I like to thank every follower so far and the ones who helped me over the course of the last weeks to build this tumblr up. This is for you and in a way the first test run for future, hopefully more elaborate reviews of Dobson’s comics. Hope you enjoy it and learn something.

Without further ado, ladys, gentlemen and the colorful rianbow inbetween, I present the unpublished “So you are a cartoonist?” story about the King of Queens trying to become a comic artist

Okay, this is not quite right. What is going to happen is as followed:

A few years ago Dobson released via his patreon the unpublished sketches of a multipage comic story about the struggles of a webcomic artist by the name of Kevin James, with no relation to the famous comedian who as of recently is also playing a neo nazi in a supposedly pretty damn good home invasion movie.

What I want to do is now go through this comic and point out some of the flaws in the writing/progression, okay? Cause honestly, this is not going to be the worst thing Dobson ever published. But it unfortunately has more than a few little hiccups that show Dobson’s flaws when it comes to creating a story.

So off to the next pages

Now as you can see, it is pretty obvious that the story is heading into a direction where Kevin seems to be a down on his luck creator. Having to work at the blandest named Burger Joint since Good Burger, with discount Doctor Wily as his manager and getting pretty little money into his account. Seriously, only 206 $ plus? I don’t know much about minimum wage in the states, but are you really getting that little even after taxes have been accounted for? Or is it likely Kevin is pretty deep into the reds and his deposit was even putting it into the plus again. If so… yaiks.

And now we are getting into the pages where a few slight problems may show up, depending on your own interpretation of things.

 See, in my opinion it is obvious that we are meant to feel sorry for Kevin, cause he lost his minimum wage job now for simply being late. Something that can happen to all of us. And yeah, losing your job when you have not really much in the bank, that sucks. So I would wish for the character to get at least a new job soon. However, we also need to acknowledge that the manager is not in the wrong here. After all, Kevin supposedly has shown up late for work for some time and his excuse that he was late because he had to work on his comic is not reasonable. For a lack of a better word, making this comic is just his hobby, not his job. His job is to make burgers and sell them, because the manager of the burger joint is paying him for that. So excuse me if my sympathy is not that much with him

Not really much to say here. I just want to point out two things: One, the countdown that showed up also in previous pages and goes further down the longer we get into the story, two that it actually may be a good thing that Dobson has not drawn the copy shop employee in more detail. Cause one thing I came to realize over time with Dobson is, that often times his sketches have more of a softness to them than the final product, where e.g. faces are more harsher and frankly, uglier than they need to be, in addition to being a bit oversaturated thanks to the colors. And with Dobson’s tendency to make also angry faces genuinely spiteful, I wonder if the copy shop owner would have come off in the final product as more “strawman mean” than necessary. Cause it is very obvious that “poor Kevin” seems to suffer from the indifferences of his environment.

 One month since he was fired and one more month till we are in the present and he loses his electricity cause he has not paid his bills. And this is where I slightly start to lose my sympathy with the character. Again, it is obvious that the story wants us to feel bad for Kevin because he is down on his luck although all he wants to do is just create his comic.

But at the same time, only halfway through the comic I have to ask, how much of his shitty situation is not just him doing nothing against it?

I mean, he has obvious money issues, he can’t pay the electricity bill and he has been fired a month ago. Shouldn’t he at this point not have attempted yet to get a replacement job? Or ask for unemployment support? Do commission work for fans in exchange for money?

I am just saying, his woes become a bit less relatable if he does not really attempt to at least try and fix the situation.

And unfortunately, this development continues still

 Gesh, this comic is really old when Kevin still owns a flip phone…

Also, I need to give his mom credit. 500$ send to her son so that he can pay his debts off and live well enough for a few days. Sorry, but 500$ is actually enough for me to live for a month and pay my groceries and major bills if I am careful enough. Lets hope Kevin is the same and that he looks out for a job

 … nope, he does not look for a job. Two weeks after he got the money he still does not have a job to support himself and assure he has a roof over his head. In fact, he likely loses more money than he necessarily needs to by going to a diner.

Look, unlike other characters created by Dobson, I really do not hate Kevin. Primarily because he does not show any of the despicable or idiotic traits other characters by him do. But Kevin is not doing anything to improve his situation, period. And that is not really how you should write “down on their luck” characters, cause that doesn’t really make them sympathetic. The sympathy a reader gives those characters stems primarily from the fact, that though they really try their best, fate is not working into their favor for different reasons beyond their control. But here the problem is, that Kevin has to a certain degree control over his situation. He can decide what he wants to do with the money, he can decide to either do or not do anything to improve his situation at least slightly. And he doesn’t do anything.  

Dear lord, Kevin is essentially Dobson when it comes to the laters overall situation and how he does little to improve anything when he is stuck.

Then there is also the entire thing about the waitress calling Kevin’s work amazing. For starters, I kinda doubt that that in our modern day society and work environment her acting like that in front of a customer, even if the customer does not mind, would fly with her employer. After all, professionalism and all that. Next, her praise feels shallow. The typical cardboard speech praise checkmark lines you can give to any piece of work, that don’t really mean anything if you do not elaborate on what it really is you find amazing about the characters in terms of personality or what it is about the story that hits home (e.g. can you realte to the characters, are you genuinely thinking the story is funny etc)

In fact, what even is Kevin’s comic?

 I get that his work is not the center stage of this story, but think about it: we are supposed to think that Kevin is talented and that he needs his lucky break. But would his work even justify success and admiration? All we know is that the comic features a character called Kat (not really an original name) who for a lack of a better word and based on the sketch outline may just be the bastard offspring of Bubsy and Talus from Alex ze Pirate. And that is it. For all I know, and taking for shit and giggles a made up meta narrative into account, his work may actually be on the same level as Alex ze Pirate itself. And if that is the case, let me just fill out an application as janitor for Kevin right now. If he is lucky he can make around 1000 dollars a month soon.

 This right here is actually a prime example of a common problem in Dobson’s longer story: Him breaking the old rule of “show, don’t tell”. The narrative tells us e.g. via the words of the waitress and the fact he has fans, that Kevin is a good cartoonist. But we do not see it for ourselves. And I am not suggesting here Dobson should draw 20 additional pages of Kevin’s creations and comics, because that would be freaking overkill. But imagine if this comic started off with the first page being part of a a very fantastic fight scene or story. Something rich in color and characters. Only for it to be revealed in the next page to be actually NOT the story we are supposed to read, but something Kevin creates right now. By doing so Dobson could not only show for the actual main story that Kevin is justified in having success, Dobson could have also shown for himself how he can be imaginative. How he can toy with tropes and expectations, while also creating something “new” out of nowhere just for fun. But that is not what we got. And all we have now are four more pages.

 Again, ONE MORE WEEK passed and he still did not get a job. And in fact, he is also overdue on his rent and wants to ask his mother AGAIN for money.

Dude… I am all out of sympathy. Sell your freaking kidney for all I care, offer your landlord oral sex or that you are going to do work around the house for him, just try to do something except beg mother to help you out again. Especially as she has already send you 500 dollar. What have you done with that money anyway? Did most of it get spend on your electric bill? If so, how huge was it? And did you fail to pay rent for a couple of months now that even your landlord is having enough? I ask the later in part because I genuinely do not know how fast a landlord can vacate you in the US. See, where I live you can get vacated too when you don’t pay up, but most landlords are by law forced to at least let you stay for a few more weeks till you either find a way to pay up or another place to live. Forceful removal of a tenant can mostly only happen if the person causes severe damage to the apartment or is facing criminal charges.

 So NOW you are looking for a job. Good luck getting 700 dollars in three days though. I can’t imagine that even if you get hired, that anyone will pay up that amount of money upfront to help you. Again, do you have no other options, Kevin? Also, for how long was that sign up there? How often have you gone by that diner? Also dear lord, the waitress really is not the smartest if she thinks being a webcomic artist pays all the bills

 So if the manager has already found someone, even if it was “just” now, why was the “now hiring” sign even still in the window? And he assumes there are even more bills? Kevin… do you have a genuine problem when it comes to handling finances? Would you do better, if you only get an allowance? Just one more page. And with it my biggest complains

And so our comic ends with all the build up of how down on his luck Kevin is, being essentially pointless, because at the end of the day he is still lucky and all his problems get resolved not by his own doing but by deus ex machina.

Okay, this is not entirely accurate.

After all, Kevin DID create this comic. He wrote it, he drew it, he send the script to multiple publishers, he got rejected multiple times and now he is also going to finally get recognition for it all. You can say he worked to get his foot into the industry. The problem is, that none of that work is really shown in the story presented to us. We do not see him work on the script, potentially rewrite or fix up mistakes, get the impression that even with the bad situation he is in, he still wants at the very least this passion project to succeed. All we know is he worked on something and now because it is convenient for the story, his misfortune is going to end and he gets a happy end that is way too convenient for my taste.

Look, I know nothing about how publishers work. If someone reads this and has genuine experience in how publishers approach you if they are interested in your work and how much money you can really make through it, you are free to tell me what you know or have experienced directly or indirectly. Cause frankly, I find it hard to believe that any publisher would immediately do the thing Kevin now experiences here. First off, why would they not attempt to call him or get into a more convenient contact with him than the mail? Second, advanced payment? Shouldn’t you at least try to handle out basic deals before you send him a paycheck over?

I get it is supposed to be a happy end for Kevin here, but honestly, with the way how even if people are getting published, success may not be immediate or not to a degree Dobson actually hopes for. Sorry, but I am also just jaded enough as a person to know that even otherwise acclaimed work does take time to really hit a certain level of popularity. Luke Pearson e.g., wrote and drew the first volume of the comic series Hilda in 2010, just a few months after he finished college. The comic was a success and resulted in him publishing up to four more books till 2016. But only with his comic being adapted into a Netflix series in 2018 did he also get recognition outside of Great Britain, from which he is likely going to make enough money to have a comfortable life for the next couple of years. Mind you, I said comfortable, not “luxurious”. Cause this is actually one thing I fear with Dobson to a degree: That he thinks that being a successful comic creator equals also becoming stinking rich. Cause as far as I know, this is not really the case for many comic creators around the world. But I digress.

This post is not about the potential delusions of Dobson when it comes to how much of a fortune he could make through a successful publication, this post is about judging a SYAC story that got never published.

And frankly, the story of Kevin James… I don’t hate it. Honestly, I think there is potential for a decent, even longer story about a webcomic artist trying to get his big break. The problem is, this is not a story about the challenges Kevin faces in creating his comic. This is not the story about someone being determined to get his work out, even if he struggles in real life. This is not the story of someone facing and dealing with his real life struggles in a mature way, making the happy end all the more feel rightfully earned. This is a story where honestly there would be no drama at all (or at least less drama), if Kevin even attempted to do something halfway logical most other people in real life would do, if they found themselves in his situation (like looking for a job, trying to work commissions etc.) . And a drama where the dramatic event would not happen if some basic logic even a kid can think off would be applied, is at least for me not really a drama.

So yeah, it is not the worst thing by Dobson, but it is very flawed to say the least.

[palettepainter]

(IMPORTANT UPDATES) Look back at 2019

Big changes for 2020! Hey there everyone! 2019 has come and gone, another year passed and a new chance for me to try and improve myself when the new year starts! As far as I know me and my family don’t have plans to celebrate New Years other then of course spending time together, but I want to post this now just so that it’s out of the way it’s posted and I won’t have to worry about. If I can be honest, 2019 towards the last few months of the year has been a real punch in the face..multiple punches. I’ve broken off connections with people who treated me wrongly in the past, had random breakdowns at school (don’t worry they weren’t seriously bad), had trouble with siblings - it’s been overall, a very up and down year for me, but sadly towards the end and in the running up to Christmas, it was mostly down. But hey, 2020 means the start of a new year and a new chance to grow stronger as a person and an artist!..Seriously though 2020, please be kind to me- As you can probably from what’s in the title, there are going to be a few big changes to my characters and stories going into 2020. I’ve been thinking about this stuff a lot ever since mid August, it’s been something I’ve mentioned to one or two people, but ultimately I had to make the choice. And now with 2019 gone and done and 2020 being the opportunity to start fresh, I think it’s a good time to make these announcements. I understand that this may upset a few of you and yes it is going to make things a bit confusing for my NGAU, but this is my choice and I’m confident that making this choice will lead to me being much more happier with what I make. 🔸I will not be continuing my Zoophobia: Next Generation book series To anyone new who doesn’t know what I mean, Zoophobia: Next Generation was a book series I started back in December 2018, which included my own NG’s and one or two OC’s from the fandoms Zoophobia and Hazbin Hotel. Since the first book the series has since gained a lot of attention on Wattpad, and believe me when I say that I am truly grateful for how much positive attention the series got! It was my first time ever writing something on my own and it felt really special to know so many of you liked what I was doing! But as the series went on, I slowly began to loose my drive to continue writing. This is something I’ve admitted to close friends, but now that I’m older and I’m more aware of errors in writing and certain ways in which writing can be written to be better, I realise that the series isn’t up to my current standards. The story itself isn’t one that I’m proud of, and as my first book series, I feel like I was biting off more then I could chew when I first started writing this series. Ive realised that the story line I had in mind would be too hard to work into both Zoophobia and Hazbin Hotel without me having to make very big changes to either of those fandoms current stories and/or certain characters personalities, and though yes it is my own AU so if I wanted I could change the characters to fit better with my story, but honestly, I don’t want to change the characters. The characters from Zoophobia and HH I absolutely adore and there isn’t much I want changed about them, so I don’t want to alter the characters drastically to the point where they become an entirely different character. The main drive of the story with the main characters didn’t pick up till around the second book, and when I first started writing, the story line wasn’t even finished, I was just going with the flow and linking one thing to the other, hoping people would like it just as much as I did at the time. And lastly, this is probably the biggest reason why I’m no longer going to be continuing the series, but the first couple of chapters of the first book where too heavily inspired by another book series: I don’t want to continue to create something, when I feel as if it’s been too heavily based around someone else’s work. I want to create my own stuff and I feel as though the first book just isn’t that, it’s not my own work, and that’s leaded to me viewing the first book as my least favourite. This means that from now going forward, any events that took place in the book series is now no longer cannon. Some headcannons will be changed and altered due to this, for one Eve’s Headcannon will be changing as she will now most likely be alive in my NGAU now, so the stories I had planned for her such and the stories I already posted are no longer cannon either: I will say also that this also counts for my Eve X Hatchet NG Diego, he will remain cannon and will most likely be alive also. As for the characters that where involved in the books such as Lucy, Maggot and Bumbuss, I’ll figure out what to do with them. I defiantly want to keep Lucy as she was the very first OC I ever made for the Zoophobia fandom that wasn’t a NG, but I’m unsure on what to do with Maggot and Bumbuss. As much as I now don’t enjoy the series, it was fun to write while it lasted, and I cannot stress enough how grateful I am too everyone who ever read, liked, or commented on the series! But from now on, I won’t be returning to the series. I held off on announcing this and the reason it took me so long to decide this was because I didn’t want to leave you guys without a conclusion to the story, the series was only one book away from completion and I didn’t want to cut off the series so close to it being finished. But again, the book series isn’t something I enjoy anymore, so I hope all of you can understand and will hopefully look forward to the further projects I have planned 🔸New books to come Though my main book series will now be ending, I have a lot of ideas for new book series. Since the second and third book I had been having ideas for stories that could take place after the series, and the reason I kept doing the series for as long as I did was because I really wanted to start work on the stories that would take place after the series was finished. One of my goals for the new year is to try and push out more stories and book series for you guys, I feel like I’ve defiantly been lacking in the story department, mostly because I couldn’t find any ideas for illustrations to go with the story, and because I always felt too tired to ever finish any stories or illustrations. None of these story ideas yet have fully scripted out story lines, so far they’re just ideas and until I can get a script done for them, I won’t be starting work on them. I want these books to be as great and they can be, and not only do I want to make something that I can be proud of, but something that you guys will enjoy as much as I do. These ideas are in no particular order, and I haven’t decided if I’ll defiantly be doing all of these just yet, but here are some ideas I’ve had for books/book series for the future: -A book with my NG Box explaining her past before she came to live with Ribbon -A book with my OC Willem and how he discovers another hybrid like himself -Nidra’s story as she grows up to accept a new family, while letting a beloved friend go to persue their own life -Junior reapers: a story/series of stories involving Lotus, Charcoal, Parfait and Rae as they go on a quest to become junior reapers Maybe a MHA + Dragonous story *Dragonous is a Villainous dragon AU created by shabiest (Instagram), I will need to get permission from them if I want to write a book with this AU* Recently I got into My Hero Academia, and you can all blame that on my cousin When I first saw the series I kinda rolled my eyes at it, I’ve never really been a big anime fan the style never grabbed me when I was younger: and all I can say is that I should defiantly have given the series a try sooner MHA is a series I’ve come too really enjoy and love, I love the characters the story the dialogue, everything about this show! I’ve said this before but what I love about the show is how it’s great at showing us a large range of characters without straying too far from the main plot, and how this show makes me feel: there have been times where this show has had me emotionally frustrated, sad and happy, and if a show or a movie can make me feel a powerful emotion (angry sad or other), then I’m down for it. I’ve since made a few OC’s for the fandom, and I’ve been thinking about making a book about it. It’s not scripted out yet, and some of my ideas play into some events in season 4 - but if you guys enjoy MHA and you enjoy my OC’s, please let me know your thoughts! And Dragonous, a Villanious AU I’ve come to adore! I’ve always been a big fan of dragons, they where my favourite mythical creature growing up! (And still are to this day), with the creators permission I’d like to create a book with the few OC’s I’ve made, this one may not happen because again I need permission, but tell me your thoughts! Merch Again, something I’ve mentioned before, and something I’ve been really wanting to do! Me and my dad have made a shirt design with one of my OC’s, so far it’s only black and white (we’ve decided to go simple black and white since it’s my first time making merch), and hopefully if all goes well we can start to make more colourful merch However this all depends on you guys: I may be opening up commissions in the future, though I can’t say when, but this will depend on you: I have a PayPal and a KoFi if you guys wish to support me and my work (no pressure though!), every little bit counts and it would mean so much to me if you guys would consider supporting me and my work, even if it’s something as small as a pound! 🔸Collabs/art trades/design trades/RP’s There’s nothing really big to say about these things, but I have decided that from now on that I will only do these kinds of things with close friends.

Finally, I want to say a big BIG thank you to everyone who has stuck around on this crazy train ride to support me. This year as I said at the beginning, has not been the best for me towards the end, and I am so grateful to all the support you guys gave me. I know that I'm not very good with replying to comments/messages, and I'm so sorry if I never got round to replying to your message or comment, but I do read the comments, I do see the wonderful things you guys say, and it's absolutely delightful to see the nice things you guys say!  I want to give a big big BIG thank you to these wonderful people who have been there for me, whether it was to geek out over a show to if they where there for me when I needed support: @hazbinextgeneration​   - You've been an amazing pal right from the beginning, you where one of the very first people I met when I first got into the Zoophobia and HH fandom and you've been an absolute gem! You've been there for me when I was down and you've listened through out all of my nerd outs about characters and shows, and to have someone listen to me meant so much! You comment on nearly every piece of my work and you're always so kind and giving! Not only to me but to so many others! You've made me a lot and fanart and I'm sorry I don't nearly do enough for you in return, going into 2020, I want to change that!  @cosmic-artzz​   - If you hadn't been there to listen to me and help me out, I honestly don't know what kind of situation I would be in now. You helped me cut off ties with people I honestly wasn't happy talking with, and despite being dragged into my drama over and over again, you where still there to listen to both sides of the argument and give advice on how I could make things better. You've always been a delight to talk to and I'm so happy we had the chance to become friends! I'm so sorry you get dragged into my troubles as much as you did dude! Going into 2020, I promise you I'll be more confident in putting my foot down when I feel as though I'm not being treated fairly! And lastly, I want to thank all of you! For sticking with me on this crazy journey! Here's to 2020 and hoping its a wonderful year!!

[study-like-you-mean-it]

things I wish I had known when starting a studyblr - study-like-you-mean-it

 It’s been a looong time since I made this studyblr; I started it in Easter 2016, which means it’s over 3 years old now (which doesn’t seem like a lot but going from GCSEs to having finished the first year of university is a long journey). I thought I’d share a couple of things I’ve learned along the way, through trial and error (mostly error), and hopefully this will help some of you out! :)

Experiment with your look: It’s great if you settle into an aesthetic straight away and want to stick with it for the whole time you have your blog, and if that works for you, that’s great! If like me you want to keep trying out different styles, go with that (I still haven’t settled on an aesthetic and that’s chill)- most of the time, people will see your posts in isolation anyway so don’t put too much pressure on finding aesthetic cohesiveness

Don’t think you have to buy all the stationery: You’ll see a bunch of brand names popping up over and over again in people’s posts, and whilst brands like MUJI and mildliners may work for some, you absolutely do not need to buy all of these things in order to keep up a certain ideal aesthetic. I, for one, have strayed from mildliners and use stabilo pastel highlighters now, as they are cheaper and last longer. My go-to writing pen when I work is a BIC biro, which I bought in bulk so it costs 24p per pen. I do have MUJI pens for working on my bullet journal and the B4 notebooks for taking to lectures, but it’s really not necessary to cash out on all the kit in order to be a “legit” studyblr. All you need is a phone camera, a pen, and a piece of paper.

You don’t need the “studyblr” handwriting: Scrolling through the myriad of studyblr posts, it’s easy to become convinced that you need this stereotypical ultra-neat “studyblr” handwriting, and whilst it does look nice, it’s not the only handwriting that looks nice. I used to take ages to try and write my study notes out so that they conformed to this aesthetic, and it ended up slowing down my studying to the point that I never finished the notes or the material I wanted to cover in a given day. I also ended up making notes for the sake of studyblr posts that ended up not being an effective way for me to study (I learned this the hard way). I’m quite lucky in that my regular handwriting is quite consistent, but to be honest, the overall aesthetic of a post is more important, and sometimes this studyblr handwriting fits into the aesthetic, but I can guarantee it’s not a necessity and you don’t need to spend your time on it if your handwriting doesn’t look like that.

Composition and lighting are most important: Long story short, you can’t take a good photo of your notes if the composition and lighting aren’t there. Take a look through the most popular photo posts and you’ll see what I mean: it doesn’t matter what the actual content of the photo is, just that it looks nice overall. Again, this is a case of what kind of a look you’re going for: some posts will have this super clean, neat look with no shadows, and other will tactfully play with the shadows for a different kind of image. However, if the shadows in the picture don’t match the aesthetic you’re going for, or you try and edit them out after taking the photos, I can guarantee this is a recipe for disaster.

Edit, but don’t overedit: Everyone with a studyblr edits their photos. I personally use a combination of VCSO and Snapseed, and have been doing this for a while, but even then I often make errors in judgement about filter strength and editing, and sometimes my photos end up looking overprocessed and frankly unattractive. I have 11.5k followers, and even now I get posts with 0 reblogs because my photo editing has been so bad. It happens (and the posts get deleted once I realise), and that’s just something you just gotta keep trying at.

Be inspired by others: See something that you like that someone else is doing? There’s no harm in trying to recreate something similar yourself, as long as you’re not plagiarising or downright stealing.

Regularity is important, but you are more important: Obviously, uploading and/or reblogging content regularly is important to your blog. However, it’s a studyblr, and if you find that it’s getting in the way of doing actual work, there’s no harm in taking a break. I rarely upload during term time, or even in the holidays, because I’m so busy trying to get my actual life sorted and enjoying my university experience. For me, I worked the most on my studyblr last summer after I finished my A-Levels, and that’s when I experienced the most growth through very regular uploads (and since everyone else was also on their summer break, they had more time to spend on tumblr and see my content). From there, it’s just been growing by itself, and it’s almost 10x as big as it was in January of 2018. Don’t feel pressured to dedicate loads of time to producing content if you simply don’t have the time. If you’re a studyblr who reblogs rather than produces content, it’s always possible to just queue up stuff so it’s released regularly whilst you are working.

Stick at it: It took me over two years to experience any real growth, and by that time I’d poured many hours of work into it. Growth doesn’t come overnight, and no matter how hard you work, you’ve gotta keep working. My first text posts got 10k notes and that did almost nothing to my follower count. Keep going and it will happen, and when this happens, you’ll be able to reach out to more people, directly and indirectly, and it becomes an even more rewarding experience.

I hope this helps some of you, and as always, you can access my Redbubble store here, and if you think what I’m doing is kind of cool (and want to request content that becomes top of my priority list/support what I do), you can find my ko-fi link here (it’s like patreon but they don’t take commission).

[underimagines]

easy as pie

Summary: It's Asgore's birthday. If only he'd come out of the room to celebrate it with you.

3.5k-Kofi Commission - Asgore/Reader, Horrortale!AU, Post-Surface

read it on ao3 / buy me a coffee

You hummed softly to yourself as you rolled the dough between your flour-covered palms.

“What kind of pie should I make?”

There were so many different types. Apple, blueberry, peach, pecan, cinnamon, pumpkin—and you liked all of them. But you weren’t sure what kind of pie Asgore liked.

He always seemed to dodge the question when you asked, for whatever reason. So, you were flying by the seat of your pants here. You wanted to make something he’d enjoy.

Maybe apple would be the best bet? It was a classic. And you could add some cinnamon to it, for spice. Or maybe pumpkin-spice would be more appropriate for the impending Fall weather. But maybe that was too predictable.

You laid the dough flat and reached for a rolling pin. It was a cute one, with little patterns embedded in the wood. It made the dough look like it had flowers carved into it.

The sight of them reminded you of the bubbling pot of tea you’d set off to the side. The machine had stopped hissing, so that meant it was done. You switched the pot off, surveying the dark amber liquid inside. Golden flower tea was definitely one of both of your favorites, so at the least, you knew that wouldn’t be any problem.

You decided to set the pie idea aside for the moment and check on your main course.

The chicken was cooking nicely, spinning in a slow circle in the rotisserie machine. You could see the juices dripping off of it. The smell of it was enough to make your stomach growl. A fresh bowl of hand-tossed salad sat in the fridge, cooling as you waited for dinnertime to approach.

You still had a few hours left to prepare everything else, including the pie.

Taking ahold of the to-be crust, you began work carving it into the right shape and size to fit into the pie-tin. As you settled it into the pan, crimping the edges, you settled on cinnamon-apple. There was nothing wrong with the classics, after all! Besides, you’d bought too many Granny Smiths at the grocery store the other day, and you needed a use for them before they started to spoil.

The crust slid into the fridge, next to the salad, where it would wait for the next half hour or so as you prepared the filling.

You reached for the first apple and a paring knife, and began to work it around the apple, allowing the skin to fall in messy curls onto the cutting board you’d set out for the vegetables.

As you sliced the apple, you felt your mind wandering.

It was amazing to think that this was your four-year anniversary together. Time had gone by so fast, and it still felt like it was just yesterday that you’d run into him at the supermarket, after you’d both reached for the same jar of peanut-butter. A jar of the same peanut-butter sat in your cupboard, nearly empty. You’d have to grab more the next time you went grocery shopping.

The sound of chirping birds outside your window brought a sense of peacefulness to the day. It almost felt perfect. You wished you knew how to make it perfect. Because, despite your efforts, all done in the memory of someone you loved with every fiber of your being, said king of monsters hadn’t left your bedroom all day.

It wasn’t an issue of laziness. Asgore was a man who loved comfort, but he was far from lazy.

No, this was something pie and golden flower tea alone couldn’t fix. What he was suffering from was a kind of emptiness and pain that you knew you could never really understand, or fix. But that was the important thing, you had to keep reminding yourself: it wasn’t your job to “fix” Asgore, just to be there for him. It was his responsibility to take the steps for himself, and he’d been doing a good job, before this relapse.

What was it that had brought this on? Seasonal depression usually didn’t kick in for you until Fall or Winter, and though Fall was nearing, as far as Mother Nature was concerned, it was still summertime.

Maybe it was the memory of something you just couldn’t understand.

The Underground had never been particularly kind to Monsters, and it was taking an equally long time for the Surface to get used to the transition as well. For every little step forward, it felt like society was taking five steps back—maybe even ten, sometimes. It was really incredibly frustrating.

You wished you knew how to help more than what you could already offer. But sometimes that just had to be enough.

You set the paring knife and half peeled apple aside, sighing as you glanced at the clock. Time was going by so slowly. The day was dragging on forever, and even though it was a lovely day, something in you just wanted it to be over and done with as quickly as it could be.

Since you still had some time before things would be finished with dinner, you decided to stop by the room and check in on your partner. You filled a teacup with hot, fresh tea and carefully carried it up the stairs, stopping in front of your bedroom door.

You knocked, softly. “Asgore?”

There was the sound of shuffling, then a soft, low, “Yes?”

“Would you like some tea?”

“…Yes.”

You slowly pushed the door open, allowing a single beam of light to crack into the darkness. It cascaded across your bed, landing across the graying, hollowed cheeks of your king. His eyes were ringed with circles so dark that they were practically purple. His hair was messy, a side-effect of bedhead. He looked so much older than you knew he actually was. Or maybe, if time had been able to catch-up with him the way that he said it did for Boss Monsters, it was actually more accurate.

Cautiously, you approached the bedside, holding a hand beneath the cup to keep it from dripping onto the plush carpet of your bedroom.

“Here, freshly made and piping hot. Just like you like it.”

He pulled himself out from under the covers in a painfully slow way. Asgore loomed over you in the dark, staring off into nothingness. Still, a small smile graced his lips as he took the warm cup from your hands.

“Ah…thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” You said in a voice so soft that it was practically a whisper. “How are you feeling?”

Asgore took a long sip from the teacup. As he pulled it away from his lips, he let out a long, deep sigh. “I would like to say better…but truthfully, I do not feel that much different.”

“Hopefully the tea will help?”

Another smile, slightly more genuine this time, less polite. “Yes. Thank you for the offer, I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.” You said, fidgeting in your spot on the bed. You wanted to reach out and hold him, to wrap your arms around his big fuzzy shoulders and cradle his messy mop of graying-blonde hair until he felt better. But you hesitated.

Maybe it was nervousness, or embarrassment. Whatever it was, Asgore seemed to sense it. He placed the cup aside, on the bedside table, and turned his clouded eyes up to meet yours.

“You seem tense.” He said, reaching out to take both of your hands. His paws were so big, he could hold both of your hands in just one of his. “Would you care to talk about it?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that question?” You shared a tired smile. “It’s a big day, you know.”

His grip tensed slightly. With another sigh, his shoulders slumped. “I would suppose that it is.”

“I would ask how old you are now, but…” The thought of it made you wrinkle your nose. “Maybe it’s better that I don’t.”

He laughed softly. “I don’t blame you. It’s been so long now; I can hardly remember myself. Thinking about it just makes me feel even older.”

“Since you’re not a fan of cake, I decided on apple-cinnamon pie. How does that sound?”

You could see, even in the darkness, how his eyes lit up at the thought. “Wonderful. Thank you, my dear.”

“You’re very welcome, love.”

He ducked his head, a blush tinting his hollowed cheeks as he bit back a smile. His tiny fangs peeked out from under his upper lip as he nibbled on his lower one. You had to stop yourself from leaning in and kissing him silly. He was just so damn adorable sometimes.

“Would you like to open your presents now?”

He paused, thinking it over. You could see the cogs turning in his head, as he tried to settle on a decision. It was exactly like asking a kid if they wanted to open one of their Christmas presents early on Christmas Even or to wait for Christmas Day.

“Maybe…just one, wouldn’t hurt?”

You laughed and stood, clapping your hands together. You knew exactly the gift you were going to choose. “Wait right here, I’ll be right back!”

“I’ll be waiting.” He said, his eyes never leaving you as you turned on your heel and practically danced out of the room, into the well-lit hallway.

You made a beeline for the broom closet near the front door. Asgore almost never looked there when he needed something. In fact, he’d look everywhere but. Which is what made it the perfect hiding spot.

Peeking back over your shoulder, just to make sure he hadn’t decided to follow you, you opened the door, revealing the contents waiting inside.

It was mostly just coats, jackets and shoes, some boxes of supplies and old knick-knacks that you hadn’t put up for the upcoming holidays quite yet. An umbrella or two, even a couple of hats. But hidden in the far corner, behind all of those distractions, sat a tiny, perfectly square box. It was wrapped neatly in red paper, with a bright yellow ribbon tied neatly and sitting on top.

You had the rest of his presents sitting in the kitchen, on the dining room table, where they’d continue to wait until after dinner. But this gift was special, when you had started planning, you’d gone through extra measures to make sure that it would be the last one he would open.

But now seemed like the perfect time for him to open it, even if it was a little early.

You tucked the box carefully into the crook of your arm, holding it close to your chest as you made your way back to the bedroom.

He was still sitting there, waiting patiently as you stepped into the darkness.

“I’ll have to turn on the lights, now.”

The both of you flinched when you flipped the switch, the brightness a shock as it flooded through the room like someone had pulled the sun into your bedroom. Asgore blinked a few times, rubbing the sleepy from his eyes. When his gaze landed on you again, his eyes jumped to the box sitting in your arms, and you watched his entire face brighten.

“I…I take it that is for me?”

“It sure is!” You giggled, holding it out as you approached. He took it from you, gingerly, holding it in his lap like it was the most precious thing in the world. You laughed again as you reclaimed your spot at the end on the side of the bed, placing a hand on his arm. “You’re supposed to open it first, then ogle at the surprise. Not the other way around, Gorey.”

He resumed nibbling on his lower lip. The pink flushed across his cheeks reached all the way down to the tips of his ears. Even though he still looked exhausted, he was noticeably more animated, turning the box this way and that like a curious child. He even lifted it up to his ear, and gently shook it.

“Careful!” You chided, playfully.

“Oh!” He quickly put it back into his lap. “My apologies! I hope I did not break it.”

“It’s not gonna break that easily, trust me.” You rolled your eyes, smiling. “Just hurry up and open it!”

“Okay! Okay…” He took a deep breath, his fingers dancing around the ribbon like he wasn’t sure where to start. He finally picked one of the curls, hooking a claw into it. With one tug, the entire ribbon loosened and fell away. Asgore blinked in surprise, resting his hand on the top of the box.

He looked to you for assurance. You gave him a gentle smile and a wink, gesturing for him to open it.

Asgore gently lifted the top of the box away, and as he stared down at his present, a wide, happy smile stretched across his face. He grinned from ear-to-ear as he reached in and carefully pulled out a large, fancy scrapbook.

It was a lovely beige color, with ornate, delicate patterns woven into the leather binding in faux gold string. A beautiful watercolor painting adorned the front, of a messy, but elegant bouquet of various flowers.

“Look inside.” You instructed.

He looked to you again, still smiling, before flipping it open to a random page.

“Oh!” Asgore gasped. “Is this…?”

You waited as he explored the insides of the little book, looking through all the different sections. There were blank sheets, some accompanied by dioramas of different flowers of all kinds. Some were colored in with watercolor. Most were blank, with scattered text dotting the page around them, pointing out the plants’ anatomy, facts, and various other little tidbits that only the most hardcore of gardeners would be able to relate to. Lucky for you, and Asgore, he fit the bill to a t.

“It’s like,” you waved your hands through the air as you spoke, trying to find the best way to describe it, “like a book about gardening, combined with a scrapbook. You can put pictures in it, and pressed flowers, and it’s got lots of little do-it-yourself charts and stuff that you can fill out will stuff from your own garden! I put something special in the back.”

He flipped to it eagerly, then paused on the image that greeted him. You watched several emotions flash across his face. Something happy, then painful, then finally, content.

“It is lovely, dearest.” Asgore whispered, running his hands over the array of pressed flowers you’d decorated the last two pages with. Seeds, petals, and paint dripped across your makeshift canvas, forming the portrait of an abstract, vivacious garden. Full of colors and life, and everything else you could pack into the couple of pieces of blank paper.

“You really like it?” You wrung your hands nervously. It had taken you a long time to finish it, and now looking at it, you were actually kind of proud of what you’d managed to accomplish.

“I love it.” He said, reaching out again to take your hand in his own. He lifted it to his lips, gentle kissing each of your knuckles. “And I…love you.”

You felt a tornado of butterflies flitting around in your stomach as his sweet gesture and low voice. He knew exactly which buttons to press to make you flustered, and as you caught the twinkle in his eye, you knew that he knew exactly what he was doing to you.

“I—I’m really glad you like it.” You sighed, trying not to focus on the way your face burned, like someone was holding you in front of an open oven.

“I do,” he closed the book gently, holding it to his chest with the brightest smile you’d seen on him all day, “I’m going to put a lot of use into this, I promise you that.”

“Good! I’m going to hold you to that.”

You took the opportunity to swoop in and steal a kiss from him. But as you pulled away—or tried to, at least, Asgore’s hand came up to wrap around the back of your head, pulling you back.

His claws tangled in your hair as you kissed, the bristles of his thick beard scratching your chin and cheeks. You could feel his fangs prick your lips, but you didn’t flinch. You didn’t even mind. You leaned in and kissed him with everything you had.

You didn’t stop kissing until the harsh buzzing tone of the oven timer rang out, ripping through your tender moment like the much unwanted guest that it was.

You groaned as the both of you untangled from one other. “Now of all times?”

Asgore’s entire face glowed a satisfied pink. He was breathing heavily, his eyes shimmering with thousands of tiny stars. He looked so genuinely happy.

“Perhaps the distraction would be good. Before we get too…carried away.”

Your cheeks burned at the tone in his voice. To your surprise, Asgore stood up, dragging himself onto his feet, still clutching the journal like a child with his favorite storybook. “Would you happen to require any help, dear?”

“Actually,” you smiled, “I was just about to start working on that pie.”

“Then I’m just in time.” He returned the smile with a little crinkle of his nose. “You said apple-cinnamon right?”

You nodded. “You hungry?”

“Ah, well…” He didn’t have a chance to answer, because his stomach did the answering for him. The sound of the growl bounced around the cozy room, so loud and commanding that it made you smirk.

“I take that as a yes.”

He followed you into the kitchen, staring at the wide array of food with amazement in his eyes as you reached over and turned the oven timer off, opening the door to let the food inside begin cooling. “All of this, just for me?”

“Yep!” You chirped, ”We’ve got roasted chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, sweet potato fries, homemade macaroni and cheese, mixed salad…”

You had to count off on your fingers to remember everything. It was like cooking Thanksgiving dinner, but just for the two of you. There was no worry about food going to waste in this household, though. Not with Asgore’s appetite.

You watched his hungry gaze travel from dish to dish. You could practically see his mouth watering. His stomach rumbled again, and he placed a hand over it, as if trying to quiet it down.

“Dearest, you didn’t have to—”

“Shush,” you picked up a spatula and turned, playfully threatening to smack him with it. “Not a word out of you, Mister. Now I’m going to work on this crust. If you could finish up the filling, I would appreciate it.”

“Ah…of course.” He nodded, approaching the bowl of sliced apples you’d left on the countertop eagerly. You watched him pop a slice into his mouth and chew thoughtfully. “Where should I start?”

“Just mix what I have on the counter over there into that big mixing bowl.” You instructed, turning back to where the top of your pie crust sat, waiting for you to roll it flat and begin primping and pinching it into shape. “And don’t eat all of the apples! We need them for the pie.”

“Of course.” He chuckled. “Oh! And before I forget.”

He pulled the journal from under his arm and moved into the living room, gently setting it on the counter of the nearby side table. Among the pictures you’d taken together, memorabilia of your time together, and other remnants of your love-filled memories, the book sat, waiting patiently for his attention.

“Now I’ll definitely remember where it is.” He explained as he turned, catching sight of your questioning gaze.

You smiled as a familiar warmth curled through your chest, blooming like the flowers sitting inside the book.

You worked quietly, stepping around each other to reach the ingredients you needed in such a graceful way that it almost felt like dancing. The sun had begun to set past the trees, bathing the kitchen in oranges and pinks. The colors sparked and caught fire in Asgore’s hair, giving him the appearance of a Monster that you imagined he once was. And who you hoped he could one day be, again.

This would definitely be a good start.

Asgore finished mixing everything together and placed the bowl off to the side. He turned, reaching around you for a paper towel.

As Asgore leaned in close, you stood on your tiptoes, catching him by the beard. He let out a surprised gasp as you gently drew him down to your level, giving him a tiny, sweet kiss. He tasted sweet, just like the apples you had bought.

He stared at you as you pulled away, the tiny divots of his pupils bouncing around as upside-down hearts inside of his eyes. As the sun danced around his face, it made them look even brighter. It was the kind of memory you never, ever wanted to forget.

“Happy birthday, Asgore.”

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Thank you @piixiev for commissioning me! <3