#it’s not perfect but nothing in a sketch book should be

[emily-mooon]

Was drawing in my sketchbook while listening to New Order and made this cool sketch of Ramona

[themyscirah]

Ok game time which 3 series would you just DIE to get a run on ? I'm talking full creative control, can be as a writer or an artist + plotter if that suits your vibe best

My 3 are

Suicide Squad

Wonder Woman

Green Lantern Corps/Green Lanterns

(in that order)

[burntoutdaydreamer]

Things That May Be Causing Your Writer's Block- and How to Beat Them

I don't like the term 'Writer's Block' - not because it isn't real, but because the term is so vague that it's useless. Hundreds of issues all get lumped together under this one umbrella, making writer's block seem like this all-powerful boogeyman that's impossible to beat. Worse yet, it leaves people giving and receiving advice that is completely ineffective because people often don't realize they're talking about entirely different issues.

In my experience, the key to beating writer's block is figuring out what the block even is, so I put together a list of Actual Reasons why you may be struggling to write:

(note that any case of writer's block is usually a mix of two or more)

Perfectionism (most common)

What it looks like:

You write one sentence and spend the next hour googling "synonyms for ___"

Write. Erase. Write. Rewrite. Erase.

Should I even start writing this scene when I haven't figured out this one specific detail yet?

I hate everything I write

Cringing while writing

My first draft must be perfect, or else I'm a terrible writer

Things that can help:

Give yourself permission to suck

Keep in mind that nothing you write is going to be perfect, especially your first draft

Think of writing your first/early drafts not as writing, but sketching out a loose foundation to build upon later

People write multiple drafts for a reason: write now, edit later

Stop googling synonyms and save that for editing

Write with a pen to reduce temptation to erase

Embrace leaving blank spaces in your writing when you can't think of the right word, name, or detail

It's okay if your writing sucks. We all suck at some point. Embrace the growth mindset, and focus on getting words on a page

Lack of inspiration (easiest to fix)

What it looks like:

Head empty, no ideas

What do I even write about???

I don't have a plot, I just have an image

Want to write but no story to write

Things that can help:

Google writing prompts

If writing prompts aren't your thing, instead try thinking about what kind of tropes/genres/story elements you would like to try out

Instead of thinking about the story you would like to write, think about the story you would like to read, and write that

It's okay if you don't have a fully fleshed out story idea. Even if it's just an image or a line of dialogue, it's okay to write that. A story may or may not come out of it, but at least you got the creative juices flowing

Stop writing. Step away from your desk and let yourself naturally get inspired. Go for a walk, read a book, travel, play video games, research history, etc. Don't force ideas, but do open up your mind to them

If you're like me, world-building may come more naturally than plotting. Design the world first and let the story come later

Boredom/Understimulation (lost the flow)

What it looks like:

I know I should be writing but uugggghhhh I just can'tttttt

Writing words feels like pulling teeth

I started writing, but then I got bored/distracted

I enjoy the idea of writing, but the actual process makes me want to throw my laptop out the window

Things that can help:

Introduce stimulation: snacks, beverages, gum, music such as lo-fi, blankets, decorate your writing space, get a clickity-clackity keyboard, etc.

Add variety: write in a new location, try a new idea/different story for a day or so, switch up how you write (pen and paper vs. computer) or try voice recording or speech-to-text

Gamify writing: create an arbitrary challenge, such as trying to see how many words you can write in a set time and try to beat your high score

Find a writing buddy or join a writer's group

Give yourself a reward for every writing milestone, even if it's just writing a paragraph

Ask yourself whether this project you're working on is something you really want to be doing, and be honest with your answer

Intimidation/Procrastination (often related to perfectionism, but not always)

What it looks like:

I was feeling really motivated to write, but then I opened my laptop

I don't even know where to start

I love writing, but I can never seem to get started

I'll write tomorrow. I mean next week. Next month? Next month, I swear (doesn't write next month)

Can't find the time or energy

Unreasonable expectations (I should be able to write 10,000 words a day, right????)

Feeling discouraged and wondering why I'm even trying

Things that can help:

Follow the 2 min rule (or the 1 paragraph rule, which works better for me): whenever you sit down to write, tell yourself that you are only going to write for 2 minutes. If you feel like continuing once the 2 mins are up, go for it! Otherwise, stop. Force yourself to start but DO NOT force yourself to continue unless you feel like it. The more often you do this, the easier it will be to get started

Make getting started as easy as possible (i.e. minimize barriers: if getting up to get a notebook is stopping you from getting started, then write in the notes app of your phone)

Commit to a routine that will work for you. Baby steps are important here. Go with something that feels reasonable: every day, every other day, once a week, twice a week, and use cues to help you remember to start. If you chose a set time to write, just make sure that it's a time that feels natural to you- i.e. don't force yourself to writing at 9am every morning if you're not a morning person

Find a friend or a writing buddy you can trust and talk it out or share a piece of work you're proud of. Sometimes we just get a bit bogged down by criticism- either internal or external- and need a few words of encouragement

The Problem's Not You, It's Your Story (or Outline (or Process))

What it looks like:

I have no problems writing other scenes, it's just this scene

I started writing, but now I have no idea where I'm going

I don't think I'm doing this right

What's an outline?

Drowning in documents

This. Doesn't. Make. Sense. How do I get from this plot point to this one?!?!?! (this ColeyDoesThings quote lives in my head rent free cause BOY have I been there)

Things That Can Help:

Go back to the drawing board. Really try to get at the root of why a scene or story isn't working

A part of growing as a writer is learning when to kill your darlings. Sometimes you're trying to force an idea or scene that just doesn't work and you need to let it go

If you don't have an outline, write one

If you have an outline and it isn't working, rewrite it, or look up different ways to structure it

You may be trying to write as a pantser when you're really a plotter or vice versa. Experiment with different writing processes and see what feels most natural

Study story structures, starting with the three act structure. Even if you don't use them, you should know them

Check out Ellen Brock on YouTube. She's a professional novel editor who has a lot of advice on writing strategies for different types of writers

Also check out Savage Books on YouTube (another professional story editor) for advice on story structure and dialogue. Seriously, I cannot recommend this guy enough

Executive Dysfunction, Usually From ADHD/Autism

What it looks like:

Everything in boredom/understimulation

Everything in intimidation/procrastination

You have been diagnosed with and/or have symptoms of ADHD/Autism

Things that can help:

If you haven't already, seek a diagnosis or professional treatment

Hire an ADHD coach or other specialist that can help you work with your brain (I use Shimmer; feel free to DM me for a referral)

Seek out neurodiverse communities for advice and support

Try body doubling! There's lot's of free online body doubling websites out there for you to try. If social anxiety is a barrier, start out with writing streams such as katecavanaughwrites on Twitch

Be aware of any sensory barriers that may be getting in the way of you writing (such as an uncomfortable desk chair, harsh lighting, bad sounds)

And Lastly, Burnout, Depression, or Other Mental Illness

What it looks like:

You have symptoms of burnout or depression

Struggling with all things, not just writing

It's more than a lack of inspiration- the spark is just dead

Things that can help:

Forget writing for now. Focus on healing first.

Seek professional help

If you feel like it, use writing as a way to explore your feelings. It can take the form of journaling, poetry, an abstract reflection of your thoughts, narrative essays, or exploring what you're feeling through your fictional characters. The last two helped me rediscover my love of writing after I thought years of depression had killed it for good. Just don't force yourself to do so, and stop if it takes you to a darker place instead of feeling cathartic

[bruisedboys]

reader and peeta showering together after a hard day (just some innocent intimacy nothing suggestive) 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 love this man sm 😭🤞🏻🤞🏻

!!!!!! thank you for the req angel <3 this inspired me so so much! thanks for kickstarting my writing for peeta era hehe

peeta mellark x fem!reader 16+ please for non-sexual nudity. not really in universe but can read as post mockingjay if you want it to!

Peeta’s sketching on the bed when you come inside. One knee propped up with his back against the wall behind the bed, his sketchbook pressed against his thigh. His golden hair falls over his forehead, messy where he’s been too distracted by his drawing to push it back.

He looks up when you enter, smiling a bruising smile you don’t feel deserving of.

“Hey. Hey, sweetheart.” It’s alarming how quickly he sets aside his book and pencil to reach for you, as if he hadn’t been immersed in his sketching mere seconds ago. “C’mere, I missed you.”

As much as you’d like to be wrapped in his strong arms right now, you’re filthy, and he’s just changed the sheets earlier today.

“I can’t. I’m all dirty, see?” You wiggle your dirt-covered hands at him. You’ve been in the garden all afternoon. Time drifted away from you as you planted a new batch of tomato seeds. By the time you were done, the sun was setting and you hadn’t even realised. Your knees are stained dark brown and you’ve got dirt up to your elbows. “I’ll shower first, then we can cuddle. Sorry, baby.”

Peeta looks decidedly put out. You turn away from him before he can convince you any further, because you know if he looks at you like that for much longer you’ll give in. You pull fresh clothes from your side of the dresser and then move down the hallway to the bathroom.

The showers warming up and you’re starting to undress when Peeta knocks on the door. It’s unlocked, and he doesn’t have to, but he knocks anyway.

“It’s me,” he says. Who else would it be? You think. Silly man. “Can I come in?”

You pull the door open for him instead of answering. You’re halfway out of your clothes but it doesn’t phase him. Sure, he looks, but not for long, and not in a way that would suggest anything other than affection.

“Hey,” he says. He pushes the door closed behind him. The shower runs in the background, a peaceful thrum. “Do you mind if I join you? You can say no.”

You huff a soft laugh. He should know by now that saying no to him is a near impossible feat. “Yeah, of course. I don’t mind.”

You finish undressing quickly, eager to be clean and warm. Peeta leaves to get fresh towels while you hop in under the hot spray. The majority of the dirt on your skin has been rinsed by the time he gets back. You hear him moving around the bathroom for a minute or so before he pulls the shower curtain aside. You let him in, moving aside to make space for him. It’s tight, but it’s not uncomfortable. Weirdly, it’s almost a perfect fit for the two of you.

Peeta moves under the shower head and the water quickly drenches one half of his hair and one of his shoulders. His big hand slides over your hip and he carefully moves you into a position where you’ve both got equal spray.

“Hi,” he says, smiling. He’s so close you could count his freckles, each light brown spot scattered across his collarbones.

“Hello,” you say back. His thumb rubs your hipbone, up down, up down. “Is it too warm?”

“No, it’s perfect.”

You smile and touch your palm to his cheek. “You okay?” You’re not asking because he seems out of sorts. You’re asking because you want to know, and if he’s not he’ll tell you. He does the same for you. It’s just how you love each other.

Peeta nods. “Yeah, I’m okay. How did your gardening go?”

You beam. You love that he cares about what you care about. “Good. We’ll have tomatoes growing out of our ears by summer, I think.”

Peeta laughs. It’s a brilliant sound that bounces off the shower walls and warms your chest. “Awesome,” he grins. Then, “Hey, you’ve got dirt under your ear.” He reaches behind you to grab the flannel hanging on the shower caddy. “Look that way for me?”

He holds you still with a hand at your jaw and rubs the dirt from your skin so gently you barely feel it. His touch is like a magnet — you’re drawn to it over and over again, no matter how generously he gives it to you. When he asks if he can wash your hair, you’d be crazy if you said no.

“Yeah, please,” you tell him, past caring how desperate and needing of his touch and love you are. He knows, anyway.

Peeta turns you by the hips so your back is to him, then gently tilts your head backwards. You hand him your shampoo and he squeezes a dollop onto his hands, rubbing his palms together before spreading the bubbles over the top of your head. He’s very, very gentle with it, much more than you’ve ever been, massaging the soapy, sweet-smelling bubbles into your hair, fingers rubbing circles onto your scalp. His dedicated touch, along with the gentle thrum and warmth of the shower spray, is enough to almost put you to sleep.

“Okay, you can rise now,” Peeta speaks up. His tone is soft and you suspect he’s noticed your sleepiness. He gets very soft with you when you’re tired. “Shut your eyes, please.”

You do as he says and he directs you under the spray. He holds a hand over your forehead like a barrier so the bubbles can’t escape and sneak into your closed eyes. The action in itself makes your chest ache. He cares more than you could ever comprehend.

When he’s done rinsing you finish scrubbing the dirt from your knees, your elbows. Peeta washes his own hair, and you help him rinse the same way he did for you.

“Thank you, angel,” he says. Warm water and soapy bubbles stream over his shoulders, his neck. His eyelashes are wet, clinging to each other in sparkly triangles. He dips down and kisses your shoulder, then your cheek. “Love you.”

You beam. You love him more than anything. You get on your toes to kiss him properly, a warm press of your mouth on his, a promise for more of the same later, when you’re clean and dry and fed. “Love you too, Peeta.”

-

thank you for reading! please consider reblogging if u enjoyed 🤍

[tan1shere]

Changes pt 2

Ellie Williams x female reader !

A/n: it's here at last ... I hope you all enjoy it I honestly don't have much to say but, pt 3 ? Also this whole idea was inspired by a show slightly, if you can guess what it is down below I'll give you a kiss 😁!!

Summary: Ellies the bad girl in the school but she takes a liking to the reader, everyone's worried but the reader somehow changes her for the better ... or does she ?

Warnings: drinking, smoking, the mention of drugs like once. Swearing ? Mentions of anxiety and a beginning panic attack ! Think that's all :)

Masterlist || pt 1 ! Pt 3 !

A few weeks had past, and your bond with Ellie grew even stronger. You spent most of your time with her, although that wasn't very liked by the people around you. "She's gunna hurt you Y/n." Your roommate, Angela warns for what felt like the hundredth time. You know you should probably listen, but maybe Ellie just hasn't been around the right sort of people. Maybe she's changed. You were convinced that's what it was. As you started to get to know Ellie you learnt she was actually quite smart. She knew so much, but she constantly turned up late to classes. Never paid attention. You were confused as to why, she was so talented and bright, why would anyone throw something like that away.

You were currently walking down the halls on your way to your favorite place, yes ofcourse the library. It was like your home away from home. As you walk in you spot Ellie sitting there, doing her usual dribbles and doodles. "Whatcha doin there?" You beam at her as you sit down in a chair close to hers. She looks up at you and gives you a smile. "Just sketching, nothing exciting." She continues to look at you as you get a few things out. "How's the book?" She asks, setting a pencil she held on the table infront of you both. "Its the best, I've been reading it non-stop." You smile more at the question. She just smiles at your smile. "Told you, it's such a good read." A silence filled the air, not an awkward one, or a comfortable one. Just a silence, one that was as if there was something still to be said. You could feel it, so you look up at her. She was just looking at you, admiringly. But for some reason she stops, clearing her throat a little bit and getting back to her drawing. Odd? Maybe a little.

Ellie knew she wasn't the relationship type. She knew she wasn't classed as 'good' she knew she flunked on many things. She knew this. So why does it feel like she's feeling something for you. That never happens, she uses people- as bad as that sounds she won't sugar coat it, she knows she's done wrong. Is she going to do it to you too? She had no idea and the thought honestly frightened her, she's never felt this way for anyone in her life. She needed to put those thoughts aside she couldn't fall. But oh how beautiful she thought you were. Your hair looked so well taken care of, perfect features. Not too much makeup just light amounts, your pretty skin and how soft it genuinely looked. Minding your own business as you read, focusing on what it is you're reading. She couldn't, this isn't good. Especially when she has no faith in herself to not hurt you. But she couldn't give it up, she wanted to be in your presence you were so sweet and inviting it made her feel warm.

She had to not give into all these feelings at all. "Ellie?" You tilt your head slightly to get a better look at her face. You two were currently in her room working on something that was assigned to the both of you. She wasn't paying attention which you found out was normal for her to tube out and go into her little land. "Yeah sorry, just thinking." You slowly nod, continuing to speak about the project. She let's out a sigh. "I'm sorry am I boring you?" You let out a light hearted giggle as you say that, she begins to get defensive. Worried she had hurt you in some way. "No no no, ofcourse not! The complete opposite. Sorry I'm just a bit tired." She admits. You still laugh a tiny bit. "I'm just being silly Els." She swallows. That name that you acquired recently, makes her insane.

But definitely in a good way, she loves it. Was she a fool for you or something. You go to speak again, but shut your mouth. It had been dawning on you, the question you wanted to ask so badly. So you just come out and ask. "Why are you always ditching classes, why aren't you applying yourself?" She looks directly at you as you say this. She just shrugs. "You're incredibly smart Ellie. I don't know why you're-" You continue, although she shuts it down. "I really don't want to talk about this." She blurts, making you shut up for a sec. "Yeah no ofcourse." Awkward silence, but she breaks it with yet another sigh. "I'm sorry that was harsh." You just shake your head. "No no, I shouldn't of been nosey, it's not my business." You give her a tiny smile. Yet again. More silence.

"Right well, we shou-" "you want a smoke?" You were stunned by the question. You watch as she gets up. It was a little upsetting to see her not care about this project. "Elli-" She turns around. "Oh yeah no ofcourse, I shouldn't of asked." "El-" But she wasn't done. "That was a silly question, you don't seem like the type to do th-" "ELLIE." The room went quiet, she just looks at you. "Will you just shut up for a second." You laugh slightly. "Why are you avoiding this project?" She shrugs. She really likes doing that, huh. "I dunno, it's stupid." You furrow your brows slightly. "But this would be so easy for you Els." Theres that name again. She begins to smoke whatever the fuck she is smoking, seemingly to ignore you. You roll your eyes a tiny bit, closing the books that you had in your grasp, while going to get up, and walk over to her. She watches you, continuing to smoke. However she wasn't expecting your next move.

You get on your tiptoes and snatch it out her hand. "Hey!" She stands up properly. You keep ahold of it. "I'll give it back once you do some of this work!" You laugh a bit. She looks at you. With a 'be so serious' look. "Like I can't just snatch it right back." She walks towards you slowly, making you back up. "Well I won't let ya." She lets out her own laugh. "Did you forget your hight?" You glare at her. "I am not, that short." She raises a brow, getting closer to you going to try grab it, but you swiftly move your arm so she can't. "I may be tiny but I'm smart." She goes to try again. "Yeah well so am I." Again, she tries and fails. "Well if you're so smart use it for the project." She completely ignores that deciding to bend down and put you over her shoulder. You let out a small screech, going to grip the cig a bit tighter so it doesn't fall.

She drops you on her bed being careful still, making you bounce slightly on the mattress. She goes for the cig now that you are more grounded, but yet again you move it so she couldn't. You let out a giggle at how difficult she's finding this. "Not funny, you." She tries. Again. You laugh more at her poor attempts. "Right that's it." She pins your arms down as you try get out of her grasp, but before she could do all that you put it in your mouth having it rest there. "Gunna have to unpin my arms if you want it." You mumble still having it against your lips. "You're trouble huh." You let out another laugh. She goes to unpin one of your arms and when she does you quickly grab te cigarette from your mouth and hold it above you.

You could see the slight frustration in her eyes, you try hard not to let another laugh slip. "Gimmie it." "Do the work." She stares at you for a moment. "Oh you wanna play games?" She wastes no time into tickling you. One thing she didn't know but definitely was going to find out is that you were incredibly ticklish. Your eyes widen. "No no noooo." She doesn't listen, continuing the assault to your sides, you squirm trying to escape it. "Ellie!" You let out constant giggles. She smirks seeing you weren't paying attention and snatching the cigarette right back into her grasp, sticking it back into her mouth. But she didn't stop tickling you. "Say you're sorry Missy!" You laugh more. "Hell no!" Shes close to you. "Then the tickling shall continue." You keep laughing and honestly. Ellie enjoys this.

She really enjoyed your laugh, she loved to hear it. The fact she could make you laugh so easily made her heart happy. She's never seen anyone else make you laugh like she has, and sometimes she doesn't even try. But she manages to always pull a laugh or giggle from your lips. "Ellie pleaseee." She shakes her head. "Stand down!" You laugh. "Fine fine I surrender, I'm sorry!" You're still laughing even when she's stopped. But like most times silence overcame this scene. It was never an awkward one though. You look at each other. "Can we do some of the project now." You ask her. She stays quiet for a bit. Pondering. "Come on Ellie, it's not much and it's not like you'd struggle or anything-" you cut your sentence short. You hadn't realized how close you two were, she's most definitely noticing this too. You swallow keeping the eye contact going.

But she takes the cigarette out, turns her head and blows some smoke, beginning to get off of you. "Can I ask you something?" You sit up a bit once shes off, nodding. "Yeah ofcourse." You were intrigued. "What do people tell you about me?" You look at her, wondering how to go about this. "They just tell me to be careful and such." Now you shrug, sitting up more into a criss cross position. "Can I ask a question now?" She looks at you and nods. "Why do they tell me that. What's so bad that you've done." That silence was upon the room again. Another famous Ellie sigh. "I'm not a completely great person, maybe I'm working on it I dunno. But I don't date. I can't it's just not in me." You listen to all she has to say. "Why?" Usually people who asked such questions would get shut down by her. But she genuinely wanted to tell you, she loved the way you'd listen, to anyone. The way you'd take in every detail of information. "I'm not too sure."

She sits on the bed with you. "I just don't know if I can bring myself to being committed to anyone. You know?" You nod, taking in what she has to say. "I dunno, maybe I haven't found the right person." You keep looking at her. "Hmm, maybe." Silence. "You think you ever could?" She sighs a tiny bit. "I could do, no way of truly telling until the time actually comes." "Noted." For the first time ever with you two, there was a slight awkwardness in the air. You wanted to say something to fix it but you just stay silent. "What about you?" You became confused by the question. "What about, me?" You inquire. "Yeah, you been with people? You a relationship kinda girl?" You laugh a tiny bit at the question. "I've been in a few, nothing serious but I definitely am a relationship girl." She nods, going to take one last drag of her cig, going to put it out in an ashtray on her windowsill.

It was a few days later, you were currently on your way to your dorm, Angie was out for the night so you had a hot date with your blankets and your book. As you were strolling down the halls you caught sight of a friend in your class, you smile at him. "Hey, kenny!" You say with joy. He returns the smile, coming over to you. "Hey Y/n, what you got planned for tonight?" "I'm going to relax, read and eat." You smile more. "How about you? Anything exciting?" He shrugs. "Probably going to chill also, or go to a party." You nod, knowing he was probably confused on why you were staying inside on a Friday night, you didn't really know each other very well so you aren't surprised if he is. "You keep to yourself alot huh?" You nod proud. "Sure do, keeps me sane." He laughs a tiny bit. "Well I mean not completely to yourself." You furrow your brows. "What do you mean?" He pauses for a sec, looking at you. "I see you with Williams alot." "Oh yeah, she's cool to hang out with." He doesn't say anything immediately.

"What are you two? Like fuck buddies or something?" More confusion. "Excuse me?" You laugh slightly. "Well I never see her with many people unless she's fucking them soo." You stare at him. "Do people think that? Like about me and her" He shrugs. "I know I do, maybe others. But what are you two?" Why was he so intrigued by it. You knew she didn't have a great rep but seriously? "Well shes a good friend." He thinks for a moment. "She don't have many of those." You were baffled by this man and what he had to say. "I guess you just truly don't know her then." You don't know why you felt so irritated by this, but you go to leave. "Don't start anything with her, you're too pure for her antics." You stop in your tracks, going to turn back around. "And don't judge a book by its cover." You simply state. "Bit hard when that cover hasn't had the best past." You sigh. "People change." "Not Williams. Trust me we all thought that once, there's no changing her-" you go to cut him off.

"What are you talking about." He looks at you as if he was the one confused now. "You don't know?" You shake your head. "This has happened before, she almost dated this girl who thought would change her, she shitted big time on her. She doesn't even go here anymore and it was all because of Williams." You didn't want to believe that, it sounded horrible. "I'm sure she didn't leave just because of that." There was a tiny pause. "Nope, definitely was. She broke that poor girls heart. Couldn't even bring herself to come back, so she moved. I'm just trying to save you from-" you shut that down immediately. "I can handle myself, thank you though. But I don't need you telling me this." He shrugs. "Alright, just letting you know before you get too far gone with her." And that was that you both turned to leave. Did everyone just hate this girl? How could almost the whole school be so against her. You try to ignore all of this, wanting to go read, that is until you get a text.

-Hey, you busy tonight?

Speak of the devil. It was Ellie. You couldn't help but smile at your phone.

-I was going to have a night of reading, but you're more than welcome to join me, my roommate isn't going to be there so it'd be nice and quiet.

-how could i possibly decline that generous offer ;) see you soon?

-bring a book! 🤓

-holding one right now 📖

You smile more, making your way to your door and grabbing the keys to unlock it. You were brought to your senses when you could smell what seemed to be vanilla, you knew it was Angies perfume, she would always wear it whenever she'd go see her boyfriend. It always made you smile when she'd go on dates, she'd be so genuinely happy to get dressed up, telling you how amazing he was and how happy he made her. It was nice to hear. You set your things down on the couch, heading into your room to grab some blankets and such, making a space on the couch for them. You were soon startled when you hear a knock on the door, to it being opened. "Hello hello hello." Ellie says coming in. "Oh hey, I was just getting the couch nice." She closes the door behind her. "What book did you bring?" You ask, looking over at her. "I- honestly have no clue just picked up something random." She states, coming over to the couch and sitting down. "Good day?" She leans back into the cushions, kicking her feet up on the coffee table.

"Yeah pretty good, bit slow but it got there in the end. And you?" Coming over to sit down next to her, bringing the blankets up your body. "Pretty much the same." You couldn't help but laugh. "What's so hilarious." She smiles ever so slightly. "I dunno, I just assume they're boring because you don't do anything." She raises a brow. "Not true. I have so much fun." "Oh yeah? What do you do that's so fun?" You open your book up, taking the Bookmark out preparing to read once you were done with the conversation. "I go on a secret mission, shhhh I can't talk about it." You laugh and roll your eyes. "You're so incredibly goofy." She smiles more. "You love it." Your smile softened a bit, you truly did. You loved how she would be so silly, especially since you didn't get to see that side of her until you were alone together. You avert your eyes over to the words on the page, beginning to read your book. She does the same opening up the random book to start.

After a little bit, you wanted to just talk. As you're still looking at your book you speak up. "I had a weird interaction today." She looks up, and at you. "Oh?" You do the same, nodding. "Got told to stay away from you, again." She lets out a sigh. "I'm sorry people are bombarding you with that-" But you just shake your head. "Trust me it's fine, it doesn't bother me. What gets to me is how hung up they are on the topic." You truly couldn't wrap your brain around it. "He told me about this girl you had almost gotten into a relationship wi-" "he?" She stops your words. You look at her as she does so. "Yeah?" She furrows her brows more. "Who is this guy?" "His names Kenny, you know him?" She rolls her eyes. "Who doesn't know him, he's always in people's faces." You keep looking at her as she speaks, when a sudden sigh comes out.

"The reason he told you that was because he was super close to her. He got furious at me when the whole thing happened and it eventually turned into a huge fight. Silly, drunken fight." This makes you raise your brows. "Oh my God." "It was all okay, no one got badly hurt but it happened, I moved on. Clearly he hasn't." You think for a moment, wondering if you should ask what you wanted to or stay in your lane and just keep quiet. She noticed your silence. "What're you thinking 'bout pretty girl?" Trying to ignore how happy that name made your heart, you push all the fear away and just ask. "What did you even do to her." Ellie goes quiet tho as if she didn't want to talk about it. "I- uhm just forget that sorry." You bite your lip feeling awful for even bringing it up. She puts a reassuring hand on your knee. "I don't mind. It's ok, I promise just caught me a little off guard is all." Listening to what she says, you nod. "I was never really present in the relationship, sort of a bit closed off. It wasn't even a relationship really, more of a- I dunno. We got on very well but at the same time I don't think she understood me truly. She was a great person, I honestly thought she was going to be my very first girlfriend." You cut her off. "Wait wait so you haven't dated anyone at ALL?" You knew she struggled to be in relationships.

But to have never been in some sort of one before, shocks you. "Never ever?" She lets out a breath. "Okay, sorry continue." You hear a tiny laugh come from her, making you smile a bit. "Anyway, I just couldn't do it. I knew I felt something but not enough to commit to anything serious like I knew she wanted. But I couldn't bring myself to let her go for so long. When one night she asked me, and I froze. I stood there trying to find some words to tell her nicely that I couldn't." Ellie stops for a second, which worried you. "Oh God, what did you do." There was silence. "I told her she wasn't relationship worthy.." Your mouth opens slightly. "Jesus Ellie." "I know, I'm not proud of it I'm really not. Especially her face after, I felt so bad deep inside but I think I made things worse with my dry facial expressions.." shocked would be an understatement. You had no idea how to respond. "No one knows that. Your actually the first person who knows the true story. The rest just made up silly rumors of how it ended, she left soon after so no one really knows the full story but me."

Still not knowing what to say you move your gaze to her. "Please say somethin." She says awkwardly. "You're not the best with words are you?" You let out a tiny giggle. She scratches her neck. "Is it obvious?" You shake your head slightly, with a roll of your eyes. "Dumbie." That silence you two always came across, occurs. You love it, it was comforting if you were quite honest. "We aren't doing much reading." She pipes up, making you look at her. "We aren't are we." You laugh a bit, setting it down and going to stand. "Where are you off to?" Honestly you didn't know, but you felt like putting music on. "Going to get my speaker, I always put on some music when Angela is out." Ellie learns more about you everyday. "What kind of music. Some heavy metal shit." Another laugh escapes you. "What do you take me for?" "I dunno, you surprise me very often." You had the speaker in hand, setting it down on the coffee table. "Honestly, if I like a song I like it, I don't have a specific type." She smiles. "Well said." You turn your head, looking at her. "And you?" She thinks for a sec, letting out a hum in thought. "Well as long as it's not some yehaw shit." This makes you laugh, harder than you have before. "Really? Now that's something I would've thought you'd like." She scoffs, throwing one of the pillows that were rested on the couch at your face.

But you catch it quickly. "Ugh, rude." Throwing it back at her she just laughs. You grab your phone and play your Playlist, sitting back down in the position you were in before. "So, loves to read, doesn't like heavy metal, is very ticklish." The last one makes you pinch her shoulder, resulting in her holding her arm with dramatics. "What else am I going to find out about you." You think for a moment. "I guess you'll have to wait and see." She tilts her head. "You a party person?" Honestly you had no idea, you hadn't been to the kind of party she's talking about in your entire life, so how could you tell if you liked them or not. "Can't judge when I've never been to one." Now it was her who was gobsmacked. "Never, ever?" She quotes you from before. "Shut up. I find fun in other things." She looks offended. "I've been to some pretty wicked parties ma'am." You roll your eyes. "You love doing that too, don't you?" She points at your face. "What? Roll my eyes?" She nods. "They'll get stuck like that if you aren't careful." She says, seeming serious but you knew she was being a dickhead.

"Oh Har Har." "No need to fake laugh around me. We all know how hard I can make you laugh." You raise a brow. "Oh really?" She nods. "Yes really, I'm the master." She notices the look on your face and smiles wickedly. "Challenge accepted." "Wait-" But she pounces on you, going straight to tickling you. You try to push her off, giggling as you do so. "Ok ok stop, point proven." Shes now laughing too, but they both die down as your eyes meet. As corny as that sounds its true, you two were currently so close to one another. You could feel the coolish air from her nose. Then something just clicks in her brain and. "Y/n." You keep the eye contact. "Mhmmmm." "I think I like you." You let out another giggle. "You think?" The look that's on her face makes you giggle more. "No like I know I do.." There was a long pause which made Ellie worry. "Is this the first time you've ever said that to someone." She nods reluctantly. You soon become more serious. "Like actually like me?" You sit up, staring at her at the confession. "I've never said that to a girl before. Never."

Looking down, you take in this information. "I think I like you too Els." You let a small smile slip but she just playfully rolls her eyes. "So what now then?" That, she hadn't thought too far into. But as she wonders what this could become those bad thoughts of hurting you cross her mind, usually she wouldn't care. Horrible as that is she never did care. Maybe you truly are changing her. And what she does next truly shocks the crap out of you. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

You had said yes. Ofcourse you were thinking of those thoughts too, but you had hope she wouldn't, consider yourself stupid? Maybe. You just wanted to live in the moment, if anything keeping it a secret was the most hardest thing throughout this all. The first time you and Ellie kissed you were just hanging out in your room, Angie was home and she had come in without knocking, thank goodness she saw nothing. You've also gotten closer with Jesse and Dina, they were so kind. You were sitting with them and Ellie one day having some food in the small Cafe they have down there. "I'm just going to get some more of that Cake, you want any?" She looks at you, you just shake your head no. As she goes to leave tho, Dina turns to you. "She has this new glow to her." A hum leaves your lips as you eat. "Maybe being around you is changing her." She continues. "If so can you like stay forever." Jesse then speaks. It made you laugh slightly. "I'm not going anywhere." They look at eachother. "Well that's if she doesn't do anything stupid." Damn, even her close friends have no hope in her. You'd be lying If you said that didn't worry you much.

More time passes and it's getting harder to keep the secret, you didn't really care for what anyone else had to say about it, but you sure did worry about Angie, Dina, and Jesse. You had bonded with all of them so well you didn't want them to hate you entirely. Today, you weren't as careful. You were currently hanging out with Dina and Jesse in your room, chilling. When you hear a knock at the door. "Hold up let me just get that." As you get up to go see who it was, you forgot to close your bedroom door. You open it, but before you can process anything you're being kissed, you froze. "Hey baby." Ellie then says after pulling away, gently grabbing the flesh of your ass. Open, your mouth was open in shock. "BABY?" You then heard Dina screech, coming out of your bedroom along with Jesse. "Uh oh-" Ellie then says, removing her hand. You swallow as you turn around slowly. "Ermmm." They were shocked. "Ain't no way." Dina continues. You were stumped. What were you suppose to say? "Really Ellie, another poor heart?" Ellie furrows her brows.

She was going to say something but you step in. "Hey, that's not entirely true. How do you know she will do that, she can change you kno-" Dina shakes her head. "She's not changing Y/n, she will hurt you." Ellie scoffs. "Right here you know." Dina looks at her. "Don't even think about hurting her, Ellie. Come on Jesse." They both go to leave. "We warned you." She says to you. You just stay quiet, watching as they go. Silence was left in the room. "I'm sorry I should've said something-" Ellie shakes her head. "Don't be, seriously. What's done is done it's not your fault, promise." She says, putting her hands on your shoulders then moving them to your cheeks. You nod slightly. "Well, do you think they hate us now?" She laughs a tad. "You? Never. Me? Always. But it's understandable so I can't blame them." You look down, it sadden you how they saw her, you knew she hadn't been so great in the past- but that was in the past. Right? She makes you look at her again, putting her thumb and index against your chin. "Don't worry about them or anything else yeah? That shouldn't be a concern." You nod at her words, getting on your tiptoes to kiss her. "Anyways are you hungry?" You asked as you make your way into the small kitchen you and Angie had.

Ellie shakes her head. "Well, not for food." She shrugs while having a sly smirk on her face, that makes you grab a piece of bread that was sitting on the counter and throw it at her. Which earns a chuckle from her lips. "You're gross." She holds her hands up. "Whattt can't admire my yummy girlfriend?" You roll your eyes. "Far from that-" "Ay! Dont talk about my girlfriend like that thank you very much." This only makes you laugh now, making her smile too. "Well, I'm going to have a snack because I'm quite hungry." You state, going over to grab something to munch on. You then feel hands on your waist, and a chin on your shoulder. "May I help you." She just shakes her head, soon after hiding it in your neck. "Nurp, comfy." That warmed your heart, she was such a sweet person. As you were fixing up some food you felt warm soft lips on your neck, so delicate and gentle. It made you close your eyes relishing in the tenderness. "You smell so good." She blurts out, keeping the warm kisses going. You hum in response. "You smell so.. bad." She pinches your waist making you giggle. "Ow!" "I don't smell bad, take that back!"

You only giggle more. "You smell like cigarettes." She gasps. "You've told me you love the way I smell! Liar!" You roll your eyes, but she swiftly turns you around in her arms, grabbing your face and squishing your cheeks. "Els-" She stares into your soul, making you laugh out. "What on earth are you doing?" "Shhh, making your eyes stay like the way they did since you love doing that so much." She continues to do whatever with her eyes. "Oh my god." You proceed to shove her off of you, but her grip tightens. "You're such an idiot." She smiles. "Yeah well I'm your idiot, so suck it up buttercup." She kisses your nose and loosens her grip, going to lean against the counter. "You really do look great today. Just thought I'd remind you." You smile sweetly at her. "You look pretty beautiful yourself." Shes now smiling too. "Im the pertyest." You laugh at the way she said it, making her smile grow. She could never get over how pretty your laugh was. It was her favorite thing, ever.

It had been a few months or so since you and Ellie first got together, maybe a bit longer but who's counting you. Currently you were making your way to her dorm, like most Friday nights. Knocking on the door to be greeted by your beautiful girlfriends green eyes. "Hey baby." You smile, and so does she. "Hello Ms thing. Come in come in." She moves out the way so you can enter, going straight to the couch and making yourself comfortable. "What have we got planned tonight?" You ask. You two usually always did a special something on a Friday night. Her roommate was out on most of them so you'd come over to Ellies. "Well I know how you feel about parties, and if you don't want to we can chill out here for the night, but there's one a few dorms down." You ponder this idea, and honestly, why not. You figure it'll be fun especially with Ellie and how enjoyable she could make anything be. "Sounds like a plan." She raises her brows, genuinely happy you agreed. "Awesome, I'm getting changed because I just came straight here from my last class." She mentions going to go do that.

You do a double take. "You? In class?" She scoffs. "Shut up." Which makes you smile. "Noo, it's great i'm glad." She shortly comes back out. "Your sarcasm is lovely." She sarcastically replies. "You ready?" You nod at her question. "Sure am."

The music was booming, so many crowds of people. The smell of alcohol and potentially what you assumed was drugs. Pleasant. "Oh this ones going to be a good one I can feel it." Ellie says looking around, scoping everything out. "You're so silly." "Come on let's get a drink." You follow but she knows you don't drink. "I'll be the sober help." She looks at you. "Not even one love?" Her question makes you shake your head as she puts a hand on your shoulder. "Alright, just make sure you're comfortable yeah?" She says before giving you a kiss. You smile at her words, beginning to feel weirdly anxious about the night, and you had no idea why.

People were everywhere it was all quite alot to take in. As you were sitting on Ellies lap you noticed how drunk she was. It was different seeing her like this. "Mmm I want another." She would slur. Making you let out a light giggle. "You're so gone Els-" "your laughs so pretty, makes my heart warm." She suddenly says. You smile more at her. "Well that's very kind of you." After a little you let out a sigh, you felt like you weren't being fun right now, you didn't want to disappoint Ellie but you had so much anxiety currently, and you had no idea on how to stop it. "Can you pretty please get me another drink my beautiful girlfriend." She taps your side, holding up her empty cup. You smile at how precious she was right now. "Sure can." You take it from her going to get off and head over to the drinks. As you're over there you feel someone next to you. "Here with Williams?" It was Kenny. You look at him. "Is that illegal?" He stares at you. "Are you dating her?" You huff. "What even is it to you Kenny?" He shakes his head. "Youre going to get hurt." "Im doing just fine thanks." You turn to leave, back to Ellie. "Here you go." You say a little dryly. "Thank youu." She muddles her words, grabbing it off of you. You sit back down in her lap. "Was he hassling you?" You hear her ask. "Who, Kenny? Nothing I can't handle my love." You reassure her, although you think it was slightly getting to you. She just nods in return.

The night went on, and your chest still had that same feeling, your anxiety was increasing. You wanted to have fun with your girlfriend and friends but you just couldn't seem to relax. It made you more anxious that Ellie wasn't with it. You're starting to think its childhood trauma that's making you feel this way, you didn't know how to just shut this weird feeling off. "You alright mama?" Ellie asks, rubbing your shoulder, still drunk as anything. You just nod and bite your lip, chewing that silky skin off nervously. "I'm just going to go for a pee." You tell her, getting up and heading to wherever the bathroom is. Once you find it you head in, going to the sink to splash water on your face in hopes it'd calm you down just a little bit. "You're fine, Y/n just take a breath and relax. Everything's fine." You say to your reflection. You leave, entering the booming party once again, going over to where Ellie was last seen but she's not there, odd. Making your way around you try to find her, hoping she's alright and she hasn't got into something bad, knowing how some idiots can be with drinks. As you make your way around the room your heart completely sinks to the floor, you stand there unable to move.

All your emotions crashing down on you. Shock being the main one, then anger. You truly couldn't believe any of it, was it some silly nightmare? There Ellie was just stuck to some girl. Kissing her. After that shock wears off you felt your anxiety push your anger into motion, moving your feet over to her. You make a cough noise, seeing her pull back from it turning slightly. She may of been drunk but she knew exactly what had happened. "Fuck-" She says under her breath. "Wait baby no i-" You grab her drink and chuck it in her face. "No." You point at her, the girl silently sneaking off. "Ellie what the actual fuck." She just stares at you. Now you feel your tears now they start to come, and her heart breaks. Tears spill at the sight you just witnessed, she's never seen you cry before. You're always so cheerful. So it truly ruins her. "Y/n no no please-" "After everything we've been through, after what you told me. They were wrong. You cant change for anyone. I should've listened to them." She immediately shakes her head. "Don't say that please- it was an accident fuck- she just-" But you shove the cup into her chest. "Shut up Ellie." And she does but she needed to tell you how sorry she was.

After a second of standing there you couldn't look at her anymore. "Wait-" She pleads as you begin to walk off, getting lost in the crowd of people, it was such a huge room you had no idea where you were even heading. The anxiety approaches again, all you wanted was to get back to the comfort of your own room. Your tears still dripping slightly, fogging your vision. You plop down on a random sofa, feeling a panic attack arise. Which freaks you out as you haven't had one of those in many years. You try to even out your breathing, which you managed to do. But everything was so overwhelming. Someone sits next to you, and great it was none other than Kenny. "Did she do something." You sigh. "Good God Kenny. Please just stop." He scoffs. "So im right, correct? Fucking Williams." You turn your head away, just wanting to get out of this unfamiliar place. He places a hand on your leg, making you stiffen. "I'm sorry she did, you never should deserve something like that." This makes you turn your attention to him. "She always steals the girls I like. And ruins their lives." Your eyes widen. "Wha-" "I could treat you so much better." He says. You were baffled by this. "Kenny what are you even-" When you couldn't think this night could get worse, it does. He goes to try and kiss you but you dodge it immediately, standing to your feet. "Kenny no- im really not interested." He begins to stand too. "That's what she said." You smelt it on his breath. "Kenny you're drunk, I think you need some water-"

He shakes his head getting close to you again, your overwhelming anxiousness comes back again, especially once you see him flush to the floor. Your attention is now on Ellie who punched the living shit out of him. "Ellie what the fu-" "He touched you!" You facepalm. "Good God I have nowhere near enough energy for this shit." The night couldn't get any worse as Kenny stands back up, the two drunk as anything. "You bitch." He goes to swing at her but she moves. "Fight round two then, you fucker." She begins it all. You don't even know what to do anymore. "You're both children." You state, going to try find the exit. You had to get back, this night was all too much. But Ellie notices you leaving, so she goes after you. "Wait no- please let me explain!" She grabs your arm but you yank it. "No Ellie. Don't ever touch or even speak to me again." "They weren't right, you have changed me i swear to you!" You shake your head. "Once a dick. Always a dick. You. Have. Not. Changed." You spat.

[cozage]

Hi! Could you write something with Sanji, Zoro, Law (maybe Izo) with a S/O that likes to do graffiti? Like, they have a small ring notebook (idk if it's this, but it's the one that opens and close and u can put more pages) where they keep their small arts, incluiding their name? Pretty pleasee

A/N: I hope I did you justice!! I kept Izo off because I haven’t met him yet (Still in Wano!) but when I get to him I might revisit this and add it!

Characters: gn reader x Sanji, Zoro, Law

Cw: just cute fluff :) 

Total word count: 600

Graffiti on His Heart

Sanji

He finds your notebook by accident. He was cleaning up your room to surprise you, and found your binder in a pile of scattered files

You found him a few hours later, mesmerized by your drawings. You rush over to him, trying to cover it, but you see him staring at some decorated block letters “Sanji + Y/N” with a heart around it. 

There’s other things around it, quotes you’d heard from the crew and things that happened around the ship that you doodled to make cute page accents, and you can see Sanji’s eyes looking at every single thing you drew, his fingers sliding down the page as he looks. 

“You weren’t supposed to find that,” you say, your hands gripping around your notebook. 

“What?” his eyes are still on your pages even as you take them away. He looks up at you, and it’s like he just realized you were there. 

“Oh, Y/N!” He blushes hard when he realizes he's been caught snooping. “You never mentioned being an artist! This work is magnificent!”

“I dabble sometimes,” you say, closing it quickly. “Nothing fancy.”

“Nothing fancy?!!?” he scoffs. “You could design our logos! You could decorate this whole ship and give it some real character! You should talk to Franky!”

“Oh, thanks Sanji.” His compliment makes you blush. “But I don’t really like to show my work to others or show it off. I just use it as a creative outlet sometimes.”

“Oh!” He looks back at the notebook at smiles. “Well if you ever want someone to show it to, I would love to see the rest of them.”

You sheepishly give the notebook back to him, and the two of you flip through the rest of it together. 

Zoro

Zoro walks up to you while you’re sitting on the deck. “Is this yours?” he asks, holding your sketch binder. “I found it in our room. Never seen it before.”

He opens it and flips through it, and you jump up to grab it. “It’s some really good stuff,” he mumbles, and you snatch it out of his hands and snap it closed. 

“Thanks!” you say, holding it close to your chest. 

“Hey wait, I was still looking!” He reaches out for it but you pull away.

“It’s mine!” you say, taking a few steps back from him so he can’t leap forward and grab it. 

He huffs and rolls his eyes, turning away from you to go back to whatever he was doing. 

“It looked really good,” he called back to you. “I liked the themed pages you made for each crew members. Especially ours.” He winked at you and walked away without another word.

You’ll occasionally find your binder moved from where you last placed it, or find little extra things (like subtle lines or shading) added to doodles as proof that Zoro was occasionally checking it out, but he doesn’t comment on it or tell anyone else about it. He just waits for you to bring it up and show you again before he outwardly comments on how much he likes your work. 

Law

“Law,” you call out, walking into his office. “Have you seen my green binder anywhere?”

“Over here,” he yells from the back room. You walk into his lab to find it sitting on top of his books. He’s measuring out some kind of liquid, focused on getting it perfect. “I really liked what you did with our jolly roger on page three. I was thinking we could adopt it for some of the gear we have.”

“You looked through it?” you gasp, your eyes flicking over to your sketchbook. 

His gaze moves away from the beaker in front of him and over to you for a moment. “Was I not supposed to? It was on my desk.” 

You cursed silently. You had been doodling last night while he was reshelving some books, you must’ve left it behind when you all went to bed.

He stood up, abandoning his project to put his full attention on you now. “I didn’t know you liked to do graffiti and sketches. We could definitely spruce up the outside of the ship soon and use some of your designs, you know? Or have a crew wall in the common area. The names you did on page ten really captured the essence of each crew member, it’d be cool to have that displayed somewhere.”

You feel anxious at the thought, and Law can feel it. “You don’t have to,” he rushes to say. “It’s just a thought.”

“Can I think about it?” you ask, and he nods in agreement. 

“You should show them though. The others. You’re talented, and I’m sure they’d like to see it.”

He goes back to his work, and he doesn’t bring it up again, but he clears off a wall in the common room and sets out some spray paint if you ever feel up for it. And he always keeps his eye out for a chance to steal a glimpse of new work you’ve done in your green binder.

[youchangedmedestiel]

So apparently it has been a year since I started this blog/joined Tumblr, according to Tumblr itself.

And today I got inspired so I draw. I hope you'll like what I did. I'm very shy about this, I considered giving up multiple times because it wasn't perfect. And there is a lot of amazing art out there. Plus, it has been more than a year since I draw something and even before that it was years ago, anyway I'm out of practice so I'm not so confident about my drawing skills anymore.

I never know when I should stop adding or deleting a pencil stroke. But whatever, even if it's not great I have nothing to lose, and this goes for everybody (maybe I'll inspire someone else to get back to drawing or even start doing so for the first time).

It's a pic from my phone so the quality is what it is, sorry. I also didn't have a pencil sharpener with me.

Anyway, here's my little sketch book that I should fill and the pic that inspired me:

[steddieas-shegoes]

Chapter 4

Chapter 1  / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3

Steve arrived home to Robin anxiously pacing.

“Steve! Oh my God. I thought you died.”

“Robin, I literally talked to you an hour ago.”

“You could’ve died in the last hour!”

He smiled at her dramatics. She had his location the entire time, and she easily could have called him any time in the last hour if she was that worried.

She wrapped him in a hug, which was shocking enough on its own, but Steve couldn’t help his confusion when she also kissed the top of his head.

She held him for over a minute and Steve started to wonder if someone had died and she didn’t know how to tell him face to face.

“Robs?”

“Dingus?”

“Is everything okay?”

“Are you okay?”

Steve realized Eddie had probably told her everything. Oh for fuck sake.

“I am begging you to never bring anything of this up to me ever. Like, even if you think it’s okay to talk about it, assume it isn’t. I am never going to talk about this with you. Not ever. Not even on my deathbed. Not even when I’m drunk.”

“Eddie said you should.”

“I will. With Eddie. Not you.”

Steve turned to walk to his room and ignore Robin for the rest of the day, but he could hear her footsteps following him.

He sighed and turned around.

“I’m fine. Eddie took care of me. I’m going back there tonight so we can talk. I’ll keep my location on and you can check in with both of us, okay Mom?”

“Wait wait wait wait. You’re going back there tonight?” Then, she seemed to remember how he even ended up with Eddie. “WAIT! Your tattoo! Show me!”

Steve could do that much at least. He’d been talking about this tattoo for so long and he was really excited about how it turned out.

Eddie had unwrapped it and done the first round of cleaning and moisturizing, making sure Steve was paying attention so he could do it by himself today.

He hadn’t been able to look away from it for nearly ten minutes, the colors more beautiful after the redness of his irritated skin went away.

He held his wrist out to Robin, unable to keep the smile from his face as she looked at it and smiled up at him.

“He did great with this. Will is gonna flip.”

“I hope he likes it. He has an appointment with me tomorrow so I’ll be able to show him.”

Will was one of his best kids. He never had to actually worry about his future, Will knew exactly what he wanted, got good grades, had nearly perfect attendance, and worked towards his goals without any help from Steve. He’d been through a lot though as a child, and his mom had insisted that he regularly meet with Steve just to talk.

He came to appointments once a week, but him, along with his two best friends Dustin and Mike, would often spend their lunchtime in Steve’s office. They weren’t exactly popular, and bullies targeted them often for their size and their interest in more nerdy things. Steve let them, even though the principal had told him he was setting them up for failure in real life. Steve always said this was real life and feeling safe wasn’t a failure.

But this tattoo would really mean a lot to Will. He hoped so, at least.

“When are you going to Eddie’s?”

“7.”

“Bring protection.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen.”

Robin just gave him a look and walked away.

Nothing was gonna happen. Eddie said so.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

When Steve got to Eddie’s place, he was already home, and…cooking?

“Something smells good.”

Steve made his way into the house, brushing past Eddie and looking around. He hadn’t spent much time noticing things earlier, but now he could.

There was a lot of art on the walls, but none of it looked like what was at the shop. This looked more abstract, with a few random watercolors sprinkled in. He noticed pictures frames along the shelves and bookcase that held more records than books. The coffee table looked cluttered, mostly books and sketches spread out along the top.

The couch was old, but looked comfy, and the armchair in the corner seemed mostly unused. A few hats hung from the corner it was placed in, none of them looking like anything Eddie would wear.

Did he have a roommate? Is that how he could afford a house?

“You can set your stuff in my room if you want. You remember where it is?”

Eddie’s voice being so close behind him startled him, but he immediately relaxed when he felt a hand on his hip.

“I remember.”

Eddie squeezed his hip once before letting him go, walking towards the kitchen instead of following Steve.

Steve took in the pictures hanging up in the hall, but didn’t get a close look at any, already rushing to get back to Eddie so they could talk. Robin had given him another look before he left that said there’d be more than talking happening tonight, but he really trusted Eddie when he said they’d be taking it easy.

He dropped his bag on Eddie’s bed, smiling to himself when he saw that the bed was made.

Eddie didn’t seem like the type of person to make his bed, so maybe he was trying to impress him?

Steve shook the thought away. Nothing is happening tonight. He may not even want you in his bed after you talk.

He made his way back out to the kitchen, where Eddie was closing the oven door and placing a casserole dish of something that smelled like heaven on the stove.

“What did you make?”

“Breakfast casserole.”

“Breakfast? For dinner?”

Eddie smirked. “No laws can hold me down.”

Steve resisted the smile he felt trying to creep onto his face.

Eddie really did a number on his whole “I don’t smile for anyone” exterior.

“What’s in it?”

“Well, normally I do a french toast one that has fruit and maple syrup, but you didn’t seem like the type to enjoy that.”

“Excuse me? That sounds amazing,” Steve crossed his arms across his chest and stared at Eddie.

“We can have that next time.”

Next time, next time, next time.

“This one is hashbrowns, cheese, eggs, and bacon with biscuits as the base.”

“That sounds…heavy.”

“We can eat heavy. We don’t have any physical activity to commit to later.”

Steve couldn’t help it, he started pouting.

A small part of him had hoped that maybe after they talked, something would happen. Not necessarily sex or even subspace, but some making out, maybe some handjobs? Yeah, he’d hoped.

But he recognized the boundaries Eddie was setting, and he respected him for sticking to them, even if he really wished he didn’t.

Eddie poked Steve’s bottom lip playfully.

“No need to pout. If our discussion goes well, maybe next time?”

“Promise?”

“You’re gonna be trouble, aren’t you?”

“I dunno. Am I?”

“And a brat. Noted.”

Steve had never, not even at peak spoiled rich kid, been called a brat. Not even jokingly. He was a little offended, but he could see the hint of a smirk on Eddie’s face letting him know that would be part of their discussion.

“Are we gonna talk during dinner or after?”

“That’s up to you. I’m happy either way, sunshine.”

Steve felt warmth spreading in his chest at the nickname. He’d never been called sunshine either. Being terminally grumpy since your teenage years kind of eliminates that possibility.

“I have some questions so maybe we could start there during dinner?”

Eddie nodded and turned to grab plates and forks for dinner.

“Before you start though, I wanna make sure you know that I will always be honest and do my best to answer your questions, but there are some things I don’t know. I’m not a professional. I’m certainly experienced, but there may be things you want to know that I’ve never done. I don’t want to mislead you, so if there’s stuff you still need to know after this, I have contacts who can probably help.”

Steve felt so out of his depth here. Eddie had fucking contacts for this.

“Stevie? You okay?”

Steve shook himself out of his thoughts. He couldn’t let himself feel nervous about this. Eddie was kind and wanted him to understand and wouldn’t expect anything of him. He could do this.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry. Just feels a little overwhelming.”

Eddie paused mid-scoop and glanced at Steve. He set the serving spoon in the dish and walked the few steps over to Steve, wrapping his arms around him gently and hugging him to his chest.

Steve quickly found his spot, nuzzling against his collarbone like he belonged there.

“That’s why we’re taking this slow, having discussions first. You can’t go into all of it the way you did last night. It’s dangerous.” Eddie rubbed his back slowly and Steve fought back the noises trying to escape from his chest. “I won’t feel comfortable doing anything at all with you until we’re both comfortable, okay?”

Steve nodded against his chest.

Eddie pulled back and tilted his chin up to look at him.

“You have to use your words, sunshine.”

“Okay.”

“You understand what I said?”

“I understand.”

“Good boy.”

Steve couldn’t contain the whine he let out. Jesus Christ, what was happening to him? He’d never been like this. He’d never made that noise before in his life.

“Alright, sunshine. Let’s eat.”

Steve didn’t want to separate from him, but Eddie didn’t go too far. He made sure Steve was right next to him as he grabbed their plates and walked to the table, setting them down next to each other instead of at the chairs across from each other.

“Don’t want you too far,” Eddie said with a fond smile.

Steve hated the way his heart skipped a beat. Eddie was going to send him into cardiac arrest if he kept this up.

But he did his best to ignore it, take a deep breath, and sit down in the chair.

His anxiety was high, and he was worried he may not be able to even eat, but Eddie took a bite and looked at Steve expectantly.

Steve picked up his fork and took a bite.

“Damn, this is good.”

“Thanks, sunshine. It’s hard to fuck this one up, but I’m glad you like it.”

Steve smiled at him and took another bite.

Where to begin?

He knew Eddie would let him lead, acting as more of a guide for the conversation than anything else, but Steve suddenly didn’t know where to begin.

“Um. I guess I kinda wanna start by saying something?”

Eddie nodded, smiling softly at him and showing him that he could be patient with whatever Steve needed to say, even if it took him some time.

“I’m not, like, a virgin. I mean I know when it comes to this stuff I kind of am, but I’ve had a lot of sex. With women and men. I mean, I almost got engaged once. I’m not new to that.” He ignored the amused look on Eddie’s face and continued, though his voice wavered. “And I’ve seen some stuff in porn or whatever. I’m not completely oblivious to how this works.”

“I don’t think you should go off of what you’ve seen in porn.” Eddie cleared his throat. “Sorry to interrupt, I just didn’t want you to think that’s accurate at all. Most vanilla porn isn’t even accurate, let alone any type of BDSM stuff. I don’t want you to think I have a dungeon or something with whips and chains attached to the walls. That isn’t what this is about for me or most anyone, really.”

Steve felt himself flush.

He’d said he wasn’t a virgin, but he’d never talked so openly about sex with anyone. He reminded himself that Eddie was still very much a stranger to him, and this kind of talk is something that close friends or significant others might have.

“What is it about? For you, I mean?”

There. That was a good start. Learning more about what Eddie did might help Steve understand what he was trying to accomplish.

“I mean, for everyone it’s about power and control or submission. But everyone has different ways of accomplishing those things and things they’re comfortable with.” He took another bite and chewed while he seemed to think of his answer. “For me, it’s about being in charge of someone’s release, whether it be sexual or not. Making someone feel good in a way they can’t experience on their own or with someone else. Having the power to know exactly what they need and give it to them or hold back. Find what makes that person tick and use it to make them feel better than ever.”

“That’s what you like? Seeing someone else get off?”

Eddie let out a small chuckle.

“I guess in a simplified way, sure. But that doesn’t always happen. You didn’t get off last night did you?”

“No, but I was dropping apparently.”

“Before that though. You still got to subspace, and you stayed there a while, even though you never got sexual gratification from it. You just felt good. Sometimes feeling good just means a plateau, not a peak and then fall, ya know? I like to help someone maintain that plateau as long as possible.” He took another bite and nudged Steve to do the same. “I love helping someone peak, too. But that isn’t always on the table.”

“What if I want it to be?”

“Getting ahead of yourself, sunshine. How about you have a couple more bites while I talk?”

Steve nodded and took another bite, watching Eddie as he formed his thoughts.

“Sex is obviously a part of this. I won’t say it doesn’t end that way most of the time. But there are parts of this that aren’t sexual at all that are still just as good. Your tattoo wasn’t sexual at all, right?” Steve shook his head. “Exactly. But you got there. Sometimes, it’s more just giving up the control. Some subs don’t even like the sex parts, you know. They like someone to give them rules and tasks to follow and punishments for when they don’t. I have a friend who is a sub who doesn’t even take off his clothes during his sessions. It’s different for everyone and it’s usually trial and error. That’s why safety and trust is such a big part of it.”

Steve felt like his head was spinning.

“Is that why people use safewords?”

“Yeah or the stop light system, or in some cases, just physical signs. That has to be agreed on before you ever go into a scene, even if it's someone you’ve done scenes with before and trust. You may love being spanked until you bruise on Saturday, but end up hating it on Monday if you’re not in the right headspace for it. It’s not just the sub trusting the dom with everything, it’s the dom trusting that the sub will use their safeword if they can’t keep going. Sometimes that’s hard for people to understand. It goes both ways. Both parties have control, just in different ways.”

“You know a lot about this.”

“I’ve been in a few serious relationships with the dynamic and all my friends have been part of the scene for years. What I don’t know firsthand, I’ve heard plenty about.”

“Okay, but what if I do want the sex stuff to be part of it?”

“If you do, then you have to be open about hard limits before you start. You have to have a safeword and use it if things start to go bad. You have to let yourself test the waters, but not jump into them if that makes sense.”

Steve nodded. It did make sense. He was probably jumping the gun a bit, but he felt like maybe he could trust Eddie to find and test his limits.

“So you wouldn’t wanna do that with me?”

“I didn’t say that, Stevie.” Eddie turned to him and placed his hands on his knees, massaging them lightly. “I’m not a jump right into anything kind of guy, even with just plain vanilla sex. But I’m really careful about starting with sex stuff right off the bat. Oh, stop pouting, sunshine. I’m not saying no.”

“But you’re saying no now.”

Steve knew he was still pouting, and maybe being a bit unreasonable. He normally took things slow too, at least when it came to more than random handjobs or blowjobs at the club. It still made him feel like Eddie might not be interested in him the way he was interested in Eddie.

“I’m saying not yet. There’s a difference. I’d love to be able to do that with you. But you need to experience more first.”

“Like what?”

Eddie studied his face for a moment. Steve felt like he could see right through him, which would have alarmed him more if he wasn’t certain that Eddie was going to be able to make him float again.

“You like to be praised.”

It wasn’t a question, but Steve nodded. He’d figured that much out at least.

“That’s a good start. You can be praised for a lot of things. Sometimes just being told to sit still and being told you’re doing good can make a person float, you know.”

Steve didn’t think he could do that. He certainly believed some people could, but he figured it would take a lot more for him.

“I don’t think I can do that.”

“Do you want to try?”

“Now? I thought we weren’t doing anything tonight?”

Steve was suddenly overwhelmed with nerves again. Despite the fact that he’d wanted something to happen when he first got here, he was now wondering why the hell he thought that was a good idea.

“It doesn’t have to be now. But it would certainly be a good start when you’re ready. Simple, non-sexual, easy to safeword out of if you get uncomfortable, unlikely to drop from it. It’s just an idea. You can always say no.”

Steve didn’t want to say no. He was nervous, sure, but he wanted it. He wanted to try. He wanted to make Eddie proud.

“Could we try tonight?”

“If you finish your supper and we talk about a safeword, yes.”

Steve took three more bites and ignored Eddie’s laughter at his clear excitement.

“So, what can we use for a safeword?”

“Up to you, sunshine. Mine is Metallica.”

“Can I use yours?”

Eddie thought about it for a moment.

“For tonight, yes. But you should have your own in the future.”

“Don’t like sharing?”

Steve smirked at Eddie, who rolled his eyes but smiled fondly back at him.

“More like you may not want to keep doing scenes with me and having your own safeword is best.” He got up and brought their plates to the sink while Steve waited patiently in his chair. “You can go sit on the couch. I’ll be there in a couple minutes.”

Steve sat on the couch with his hands folded in his lap, trying to push away any nerves he had over what they were about to do. If all went how he hoped, he’d maybe go to subspace again. Eddie sounded like he could get him there, but he didn’t know exactly what Eddie would have to do.

He didn’t have to wait long.

Eddie came into the room and sat down next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him into his side.

“Alright. We’re gonna relax for a few minutes first. You’re tense and you won’t be able to just go right into it.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, sunshine. Just let me hold you for a few minutes, okay?”

Steve wanted nothing more than to never leave Eddie’s side, his arm wrapped just tight enough around him so he felt like he couldn’t escape, his body warming him up just enough for comfort.

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, and he didn’t really care, all he knew was the next time Eddie moved, he had to open his eyes.

“Alright, sunshine. Gonna move you a little so your head is in my lap, okay?”

“Mhm.”

Eddie adjusted him so he was laying with his head in his lap and his legs out along the length of the couch. He had a hand in Steve’s hair, scratching at his scalp gently, while his other hand was tracing circles on his arm.

“Mmmm. ‘S good,” Steve mumbled against Eddie’s thigh as he let his eyes slip closed again.

“Good.” He felt a gentle tug on his hair and his eyes shot open. Eddie was smirking down at him, but went back to gently scratching at his scalp. “Just testing. You remember the safeword?”

“Metallica.”

“Good boy. You use it the second you feel like you have to.”

Steve ignored the flutters in his stomach at being called a good boy again.

It went on like this for a little while, nothing new happening. Steve started to wonder if Eddie understood what the purpose of this was, when he suddenly felt Eddie stop all movement.

He whimpered, then felt Eddie’s hand tug at his hair harder.

“You have to stay quiet, sunshine. Keep being a good boy for me.”

His tone was different. Not quite stern, but not as soft as before either. Steve didn’t have to know him better to know that he should listen to him.

“I’m going to watch a show. You just sit right there for me and look pretty.”

Oh. Jesus Christ.

Steve was already hard. From that? Really Steve?

He managed to stay quiet this time, but he knew the second Eddie touched him again he would moan.

But Eddie didn’t touch him again.

He turned on the tv and casually looked for a channel. When he found one, he watched with his hands by his sides, not even resting against Steve’s skin.

Steve knew this must be part of it or they wouldn’t be doing it, but he felt himself growing frustrated at not getting any attention.

Minutes passed like that. Steve wondered when Eddie would acknowledge him again, but didn’t want to risk saying something.

Then a hand was in his hair, playing with the ends as if Eddie had never stopped.

Steve let out a content sigh and closed his eyes again.

“Being so good for me, sunshine.”

Steve smiled to himself, keeping his eyes closed so he could relax fully against Eddie’s lap.

The noise from the tv turned distant, but the fingers in his hair felt like fire. Or maybe ice. Both? Could be both. They just felt nice.

Steve drifted, not realizing he was going until he was already gone.

Eddie knew the moment it happened’ Steve’s entire body relaxed entirely against him and the couch, and he let out a sigh that could’ve been held in for years with how loud it was. He didn’t open his eyes, but Eddie didn’t need to see them to know they’d be glazed over.

“So perfect, Stevie. Feeling good, huh?”

“Mmm.”

Eddie smiled down at him, even though he wouldn’t see it.

He wouldn’t let him stay down for long, just for the rest of the show.

Not that he was watching the show.

Not when he had Steve in his lap, floating away because of his gentle touches and words.

Chapter 5

TAG LIST:  @invisibleflame812 @inmoonywetrust @captain-daryn @carlyv @lillemilly @spectrum-spectre @raisedbylibrarians @estrellami-1 @gregre369 @mightbeasleep @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @bornonthesavage @loguine-linguine @bejeweledbaby @bisexualdisastersworld @eddiemunsonswife @sadcanadianwinter @messrs-weasley @i-write-stories-not-sins-bitch @maya-custodios-dionach

[mrpenguinpants]

Telling genshin boys about Orpheus and Eurydice and asking them if they’d look back

My Faint Magnolia

— He wonders how many times he's heard you tell this story, and how many more he'll force you to recite.

— Dottore / Zandik

White magnolia flowers symbolize purity and perfection. [Masterlist]

I read one Wiki page so don't yell at me if I got anything wrong. Tbh, I don't really like how this fic turned out but it's been sitting in my drafts for years.

"The musician and prophet Orpheus fell in love with the beautiful Eurydice, only for her to die shortly after. Thus, he journeyed into the Underworld to plead with Hades to bring his beloved back. His wish was granted - but on the condition that he must not look back at Eurydice until they were both back in the land of the living. But Orpheus couldn't resist one glance, and Eurydice was lost to him forever."

"Fascinating. The seventh retelling adds to the suspense."

"Boo, you're no fun. Minus ten points," he hears you whine. The sounds of a book being tossed carelessly aside as ink-stained papers filled with formulas slide forward and brush against the sleeves of his arm. All are pushed away to allow you to sprawl your upper body over the desk so you can mope and continue to avoid doing any actual work. He can feel your gaze on him, patiently waiting for him to look up from his notes and give you attention, yet he continues to write making you huff in annoyance.

You're both supposed to be working on your assignments, so he has excellent reason to keep ignoring you to focus on his work. If anything, he should be annoyed at you, and he is, but it's a testament to how much he's come to tolerate you that he doesn't immediately get up and leave. Or deal with you in another, less unsavory way. Instead, he flips back through the pages of his notebook. A list of collected components of spare parts of a vast machine and smaller notes of their possible working principles and manufacturing processes. Diagrams and sketches of their possible construction and engines filled with footnotes and annotations. Not all of them are in his writing. He wouldn't dare use that atrocious shade of yellow that you seem to love so much.

"Can't we do anything else? I'm bored out of my minddd," you stretch the words out, effectively cutting his concentration in half with nothing but the sound of your voice. He can feel his eye twitch and his pencil's wood creaking from the pressure he's slowly exerting onto it. Your voice is muffled, which means you haven't picked yourself off the table yet, probably hunched over with your cheek against the table that will take another hour for you to pry yourself back up again. He can't wait for his future headache with your complaints about back problems, even though you're killing your own spine and his head. The sound of a pencil rolling back and forth fills the silence, and that's the last of his patience. He slams his notebook down, the pencil bouncing and dropping onto the floor, and the clattering of wood causes his frown to etch deeper. He re-opens his notebook to the page of the Khaenri'ahn machines found in Devantaka Mountain. There's an annoying doodle of a Ruin Hunter in the corner mocking him right back.

"Work."

His clipped voice has you quiet down. It's a good thing you have some sense of preservation and know that even though he indulges you frequently, there are only so many distractions he will let slip through. But the resounding sound of a chair scraping against the floor, papers being shuffled, and your footsteps tell him you're equally frustrated. He thinks he hears you mutter "rigid oaf" under your breath as your footsteps grow fainter. The silence should put him at ease, but it only serves to irate him further since you're the one who's causing him trouble when he just wants to work in peace and quiet. The worst thing about this situation is that he knows you'll refuse to talk to him unless he apologizes first for something he hasn't done wrong. But alas.

He lets out a deep sigh that sounds twice his age. Puspa Café should still be open at this time. If he leaves now, he can still catch up to you. With a sweep of the arm, he quickly gathers his papers haphazardly but still slides them into their rightful places between the meticulous sections of his notebook.

"Would you look back?"

He pauses when your voice sounds behind him unexpectedly. You sound a mixture of cheeky and skeptical, but the drumming of your fingertips against the back of his chair tells him that you are genuinely curious about his response. Maybe even a bit nervous to ask him such a ridiculous question too.

"The fatal flaw of Orpheus is he never stopped to consider the psychological cost of Hade's offer. To think "Do not look back" is an impossible sentence to think without simultaneously speaking the opposite. Every time you repeat, "I must not look back," you are forced to say: "Look back." But that is the weakness of the human mind," is the answer he supplies. He thumbs at the edges of his notebook, worn from all the years he's opened it but still in pristine condition. He doesn't like his things to be dirty. It makes his skin crawl.

"What? Are you above the human mind now? So you wouldn't be tempted at all?" you say with a hint of dumbfoundedness. He's sure you think that he won't give you an actual answer.

"No."

His answer is short but firm. He won't look back. He won't be Orpheus and lose his Eurydice so easily to temptation. His finger moves and tips the cover open, papers flipping until they stop in the middle of the book. Frantic scribbles of ink of his research on the rare disease of Elezar. He thumbs the page's corner until it creases.

"Hey, look at me."

The next page is on segments.

"Why won't you look at me."

The final page is on dreams.

""Please look at me Zandik."

He closes the notebook.

"I thought Orpheus couldn't hear Eurdicye."

He hears you laugh at his unempathetic reply. It's a hallow imitation. Then silence. It always ends like this. His mind dangling what he needs most only to take it away, making him question if you are even still there behind him. Just one look. Just one look to confirm what's behind him but he won't. He won't be a fool like Orpheus. Not until he's finished. So he does what he always has, removes any option he hates, and creates his own means.

+

He blinks awake slowly. The white ceiling of his laboratory stares at him back and the first thing his mind registers is that it's cold. His hand automatically moves to his side only to meet air. That's right, you're not here anymore. You haven't been here for years. The manifestation of the withering caused dark hardened scales to grow across your limbs. Slowly numbing the affected areas until you couldn't walk anymore, which progressed into fatigue and progressive nerve damage. Your last days were spent asleep in a coma surrounded by as many Nilotpala Lotuses as he could find. He closes his eyes again, but the sound of the heavy steel door grates against his nerves before he has the time to truly relax.

"You know you'll never succeed. You know why. Even if this one doesn't die, it won't be the same."

The voice isn't right. Another failure.

Dottore lifts his head to see your segment standing in front of him. That's correct. He can already see the beginnings of scales on the segment's arms. It's funny. He is capable of creating physical carbon copy segments of himself from different stages of his life and yet you, the outlier, it's never the same. A body is made, and a piece of his memories of you acts as the brain, but it's never the same. He knows why. It's because his memories of you are dying. His dreams are getting shorter, and fuzzier around the edges. He used to dream of seeing you, holding you, and he knows the next time he dreams of you, he may not hear your voice anymore. His own segment thoughts echo in his mind. Don't you think this is a waste of materials and time? It's time to give up. They don't understand, they can't dream.

He won't look back because he knows that as soon as he does, he will never dream of you again. Even if the next dream takes away your voice, the next takes away your presence, until he's left with a void of nothing. Even then, he won't look back. He has only dreamed of you every single night, regardless of anything. These are the only things he has left of you. Everything else was taken, stolen, or burnt. He isn't sure if the person he's constantly dreaming of now is actually you or a figment of his imagination that's begging to be free. But he won't let you go.

My doleful aria, tell me that story again tonight.

[tomatoland]

Top's wounded inner child and TopMew's (play)dates

Top has a wounded inner child. He may look like a grown man on the outside, but inside, he is stuck here.

Top's reaction to freeze or go silent when emotions are high is very likely due to his fire trauma. When Mew yells at him, I thought Top very much looked like a child being yelled at by a parent. The way he avoids eye contact and bows his head. He feels indignation when Mew asks him if he and Boston planned this together, but he's unable to verbalize anything.

I wonder if his parents blamed him for the fire because it is very much reading as someone in Top's life expressed disappointment or blamed him at a critical time. Twice, Mew has asked Top for a reason why he slept with Boston and he can't say and again when Cheum asks, he can't say.

As I'm all about pattern recognition, the show is setting us up for this to be a conversation TopMew are going to have btw.

Top does take responsibility for his actions though. I initially thought that this was a positive sign of maturity, but it can also be a sign that Top had to take on too much responsibility at too young of an age. He does what he's expected to do, which is apologize, but he can't offer any further explanation.

What we know of Top's childhood is that he was neglected by his parents because they are always too busy working or socializing and he was alone when the fire happened. The responsibility of a household is so much to take on when you're so young and to deal with a crisis alone, no child should EVER have to do that. Parents are supposed to be there to protect their children, give them space to just be a kid and Top didn't have that.

Now, I want to talk about how TopMew's dates are actually helping Top heal his inner child.

TopMew's dates are all about introducing Mew to new experiences for TopMew both to experience together, but notice how they are all very playful.

They eat ice cream together, they go to the bookstore and share different parts of books with each other, they go bike riding, they even have sleepovers where nothing sexual happens, they play laser tag, hide-and-seek, dance like nobody's watching, sing out loud badly, drink neon green apple sodas together, and Mew keeps Top company while he sketches (draws).

Top's inner child holds all these heavy emotions from the fire incident, probably to the point that he can't remember good times he had as a child because he has spent an exorbitant amount of time here, fixating on that one moment. The result of which is years of insomnia, dependence on sleeping pills, a crippling fear of dying alone, and a fear of sleep.

I don't think Top & Mew did this consciously, but isn't it just absolutely perfect that is what their playdates (because that's what they are, aren't they?) are doing, giving Top a chance for him to connect to his inner child in a more lighthearted way than he usually does and just play.

“Three things strike me about inner child work: the speed with which people change when they do this work; the depth of that change, and the power and creativity that result when wounds from the past are healed.”

This space to reconnect to his inner child is what is helping Top move past the self-sabotaging behaviors and unhealthy coping mechanisms from before. Past Top would have called up Beam, Past Top would've fallen for Boston's manipulation. Before Mew, Top had a string of short-term relationships and now, he's thinking beyond three months.

The change in Top isn't because of Mew because even without Mew's presence, Top doesn't succumb to his old behaviors. This indicates that the change that may have started because of Mew, is now in Top. Being with Mew is what gave Top the opportunity to reconnect with and work on healing his inner child that now he wants to move past the things that were holding him in place.

This does bring up a really important fact though, change that is contingent on another person is not stable. Change must start with the individual if there is any chance for long-term sustainability. Maybe I'll be wrong and Top will self-destruct in the next episode, but he hasn't yet. He's still trying.

good article if you’re interested & cr for quote

[underaverageheight]

paint my love

hwang hyunjin x artist!gn!reader genre: fluff warning(s): none other than hyune being a bit of a crybaby

note: took me a while but i finally got to fully write out my little thought from here because tbh sending in asks to sage gets my brain going lol

word count: 2.1k omg

“Hey Bin! Um... can you do me a favor? Like a big, big favor?” Your best friend nodded eagerly, awaiting your words. "Can you... buy me a studio? Nothing huge. Just a studio?"

Changbin looked at you as if you were speaking gibberish. At this point, real gibberish would have made more sense. "Um. I love you but why? You have a studio and Hyunjin. Ask Hyunjin."

"Well, you see... I want to give him a new studio for our anniversary but I want to keep it a secret. A very secret secret and it’s not like I can drop a grand or two randomly and play it off." You looked at Changbin, reaching for his hand on the table. "I need you, Binnie."

He raised his eyebrow. "You need my money."

"Well... yeah. But I'm a good friend so I'll say I need you. Besides, I'll pay you back," Grinning, you gave him the best puppy eyes you could muster, causing him to groan in defeat.

"Fine." He pulled out his card. "For the love of this world, do NOT go buying a whole bunch of buildings. Okay? Ask Chan for his card if you're gonna do that." Changbin smirked and handed you his card before getting up to pat Hyunjin's shoulder, who looked at you with a puzzled facial expression.

Later that day, you spent your time sketching cherry blossom trees, scraps of your designs littered the floor of your shared room-turned-mini-studio, which was mostly filled with Hyunjin’s finished projects and some half-finished projects. With both of you being artists, many of your projects mixed with Hyunjin's. You tugged at one of his binders and flipped through the paints your boyfriend had bought or created. You found various shades of pink and red, ones you considered using for your project. After all, it had to be the most perfect anniversary gift for him.

"I'm home~" Hyunjin kicked off his shoes and found you scavenging through his binders and some of your folders. He gave you a quick peck on the top of your head. "Artistic rush?" You nodded and he chuckled, sitting down next to you. "What are you looking for?"

"Just some shades. I'm trying to find the nature catalog." Humming softly, you leaned against his shoulder. "I had a little thought." Laughing softly, you traced patterns on your boyfriend's thigh. "How was practice?"

"It was kinda fun today. We goofed off mostly and we were all okay with it. Even Minho was okay with it." Hyunjin tangled his fingers in the locks of your hair before reaching into a mess of binders and pulled a smaller one out. "Here."

"Thanks Hyunnie.” He hummed his acknowledgement, kissing your cheek again.

“I’m gonna shower and work on some things,” He got up and went to get his clothes from your bedroom. You, on the other hand, grabbed a spare bin, put the catalog, some paints you could easily find, and many brushes or various shapes inside. The rest of the day, you looked into multiple art studios, trying to find ones with a nice view and large windows. 

“This is the one.” You found a lovely, spacious yet cozy studio that faced the west, allowing one to see the prettiest sunsets from the room. Booking a viewing appointment for tomorrow, you quickly made another checklist; things to double check and look for to make sure what you were buying had the proper things. Grabbing your tote bag, a birthday gift from your boyfriend who painted delicate roses on the sides, you put the list in, your car keys, and your wallet with Changbin’s card inside. 

“As you can see, this studio has a smaller, more private office area with a lovely view of the city. It’s perfect for smaller businesses or artists or all kinds. Out here,” the realtor led you out of the little office to the outside space, “is the kitchen and a large open area here that can fit your various needs. Should it be a living room, meeting area, art studio based on your pretty bag there.” The woman smiled, gesturing to your tote bag. 

“It’s beautiful. May I check and look around the studio?” 

“Feel free to. I have another client downstairs so take as much time as you need,” The realtor smiled and left, going to the bottom floor to meet the client. Looking around, you checked for any damage, locating wall outlets, checking the space, checking the windows. Satisfied, you went down the many floors to find the realtor, going to make your down payment with Changbin’s card. 

You better love and use that studio to bits and pieces. Pay me back when you can :>

Texting Changbin back that you promise to pay him back, you drove home, catching Hyunjin on his way back to the house from a company dinner. Next week, you’d start the painting and prep. “Hi Jinnie! I finally figured out my artistic rush. So unfortunately I’ll be busy for a long long time.”

You giggled at the silly ferret’s antics. “Oh no! You’re going to disappear off the face of the Earth for a long time. When can I expect your kisses?” “Mmm… a week or two?”Jaw drop.

“Lord. Are you being summoned to paint down in the depths of hell? What are you painting? A skyscraper?” Hyunjin pounced on you, hugging you tightly and peppering kisses all over you. “Come back alive, my love.”

“Dramatic.” Laughing, you hugged him back, with a big grin, “I just wanna perfect this project. Besides, I literally see you everyday, angel.”

“Alright, alright fine.”

For a few days, you spent hours painting the walls, deciding on a green summery background, with faint mountains in the background. Coming home, you set your bags down, sighing, glad to be home. “Babyy!” Hyunjin comes to you, hugging and spinning you around with a wide grin. “You have green paint on your cheek… You’re really using that nature binder, huh?” 

You flushed a light pink, attempting to wipe off the dried paint. “Ah…” Laughing slightly, you rest your face against Hyunjin’s chest. Stilling slightly, Hyunjin brought his hands up to your head and your back, rubbing soothing circles on your back. 

A week later, you set the wet brush down on the paper, admiring your work. In the center of the wall was a grand cherry blossom tree, its branches stretching across the walls and parts of the ceiling. The white and pink blossoms stood out against the greenery, a flurry of floating blossoms seeming to drift in the wind. After hours of research, you found UV paint and glow in the dark paint. You outlined the tree and some blossoms. You added small details in your mural, working a lot later than you normally had, determined to finish this soon.

By the time you finished detailing, you gasped in wonder as the paint glowed brightly, seeming to shine brighter than the night life down below. The next and last day, you took the UV paint, marking up the mural with tiny messages. Satisfied, you sat on the couch, taking in the view of your finished mural. You were proud of the work you produced, stopping to admire it while you were cleaning up the studio. Before you left for the day, you left a little bag on the counter with a note. 

“Can you believe we’ve almost been dating for 4 years?” Hyunjin smiled as he held you close, his arms wrapped around you, blanketing you with his warmth.

“Speaking of which, I planned dinner at the restaurant we went to on our first date tomorrow.”

“Really? Do you think your message is still by that table in the corner?” Hyunjin’s eyes shined, recalling the memory.

On your first date with him, you both went to this small local restaurant. It was cozy yet elegant in its own way. After finishing your meals, you pointed at the wall next to the table, decorated with messages from its many visitors. “For good luck?” Hyunjin shrugged, pretending not to seem overly excited. “Sure.” You found an open area on the wall, scribbling the date. You thought for a moment before writing Y/n & Hyun - our first date ~ Hyunjin tried his best to hide his smile as you got up to use the restroom. Unbeknownst to you, he stood up and wrote a message of his own near the ceiling, convinced you’d never see his wish for luck. 

“Good morning darling. Happy anniversary~” You woke up to a decorated room, the walls of your shared room covered in many sketches and drawings. 

“What is this?” Walking over to the walls, you read off the writing on a smaller sketch. “‘The 73rd thing I love about you. Your sleeping patterns.’” The sketch depicted a person, presumably yourself, curled up like a koala. You laughed and looked at other sketches. “‘The 12th thing I love about you. Your hugs.’ ‘The 5th thing I love about you. Your smile.’ ‘The 1st thing I love about you. You.’ Aw Jinnie… I love it so much. It’s beautiful. I love you so much. Happy anniversary my love.” You hugged your boyfriend tightly, kissing him lovingly. 

“Where is it…” Your finger traced the walls, scanning for your message. “Found it! Right here, look!” You pointed at your faded handwriting, smiling brightly. You drew a heart near your previous message and wrote a new one. Happy 4 years to the one I love. “I don’t remember if you wrote one. I don’t think you did, did you?”

“I did write one. Honestly, I was completely head over heels for you when I first met you…So I wrote one in secret. Didn’t want to scare you away if you knew how much I cared about you.” Hyunjin blushed, looking away from you before searching the writing near the ceiling, pointing at the corner. I know it has to be you, so please let it be you. Underneath was a small cherry blossom, a symbol of when you first met Hyunjin. 

“Speaking of cherry blossoms… It's time for me to show you your gift.” Taking him to the tall building, Hyunjin was confused, unsure of what you could be referring to.

“Oh my god. Did you buy this building?” He paled slightly, making you laugh.

“Why does everyone think I’m gonna buy a building?!” Shaking your head with a smile, you took him up to the studio, placing the key in his hand. “Happy anniversary, darling.” Hyunjin nervously unlocked the studio, gasping at the sight.

“A new studio? For me? This is your gift? Oh my god.” You flipped the lights on. The mural was fully revealed, nearly bringing your boyfriend to tears. “I…” He rushed to feel the wall, tracing the blossoms. “Cherry blossoms. When we first met…” 

“This isn’t even the best part.” You grinned, relishing in how emotionally touched he was.

“There’s more?!” He nearly shrieked, trying to figure out the tricks you hid up your sleeves.

“Close your eyes.” Hyunjin hesitantly closed his eyes, anxious for the rest of your surprise. You turned off the lights, waiting for the paint to glow again. The low glow of the paint illuminated part of the room. “Open.”

Hyunjin stared, mouth agape at the glowing mural. Tearing up, he sniffled, coming to hug you tightly.“It’s beautiful. I love it so much. I… don’t even have the words to express how much I love this. It’s stunning…” 

“Go grab the bag on the counter.” Hyunjin reluctantly peeled himself off you, sniffling as he grabbed the small bag off the counter. “Go ahead, turn it on.” Reaching inside, he revealed a UV light. He turned it on, waving it around. “No you goofball, point it at the wall.”Slowly but surely, the UV messages you spent writing all over the mural revealed themselves. Your boyfriend was full on sobbing, sitting by the wall, tracing your messages with his finger. Looking back at you with tears streaming down his face, he made grabby hands towards you, making you come over to him, hugging him and laughing. 

“Don’t look at meee…” Hyunjin sniffled, wiping his face with his sweater sleeve as he read your messages aloud. “‘I expect my kisses in two weeks' time.’ ‘If you find this, I may or may not have used up all of your green paint.’” Hyunjin laughed, still crying as he buried his face in your shoulder. “I love you. I love you so much. I thought you bought me a whole entire building… Maybe I should do that. Buy you a building so we can paint every room, every wall, everything. I’m gonna paint the world for you.” Giggling, you wiped his tears, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. 

“Gonna paint my endless love for you.”

[klaus-littlestwolf]

The Art Nerd-Modern!HS Klaus M. Pt I

(This is Part 1/4 of the High school Art Nerd series.

Warning:Smut in every chapter after this one)

She was the only person in the school besides his family who gave him the time of day, let alone treated him with any kindness, even his siblings struggled with that half the time. She was one of the few popular girls who wasn't a bitch to all of the kids around her and he admired that about her, ever since the day she first spoke to him he hadn't been able to get her off of his mind and even he knew he was a little obsessed.

The first time she talked to him she was commenting on his painting. She had been sent to the classroom to drop something off to the teacher and as she went to leave she walked passed Klaus, seeing his painting. It was a beautiful, dark night sky and she was in love with it immediately.

'Wow. That is beautiful!' He was startled by her voice, usually completely focused when he paints which makes hearing other people a complication, though people don't usually talk to him so it's not often a problem. When he turned to see her he recognized her instantly, who wouldn't? She was one of the most popular girls in the school, though she wasn't completely cruel to those around her. Her boyfriend however, James, was an asshole who had abused Klaus both physically and verbally on many occasions, both that she knew nothing about that. He had never really looked at her before but now that he was his hands were practically itching to sketch those gorgeous eyes of hers.

He realized he had been staring at her a little longer than was humanly acceptable so he immediately stumbled over his words to say something. Anything! 'Thank you.' Thank you? Thank you?! That's all he has? He's pathetic!

'It amazes me that people can paint like that. I can't even draw stick figures.' She leaned closer to get a better look at his painting and he was overcome with her scent, inhaling as subtly as he could when he realized how Wonderful her smell is. Mango and Pomegranate? Along with something flowery that was just perfect and practically had him melting. He wanted to nuzzle his face into her neck and just take in her scent as deeply as he could. 'You're really talented Klaus.' He was instantly stunned. She knows his name? His name?! He was stunned but he surely didn't mean to say it out loud.

'You know my name?' He wanted to slap himself in the face.

'Of course I do. We've had 3 classes together since 9th grade. It's Niklaus, isn't it?' He nodded.

'Yeah, I know, it's a really weird name, I've heard it all before.' He joked but she didn't laugh.

'I don't think it's weird, I like it. My name is Y/n, how boring is that? Why would you want the same name as everyone else? It's unique.' She was sure of herself and he was touched that she liked anything about him, let alone something that he had been embarrassed by since he was 5.

'Thank you...I used to get teased about it by everyone, including my brothers. It's nice to know not everyone thinks it's stupid I guess.' She smiled and god damn if that smile didn't light up his whole world.

'I'm glad. I should go before my teacher thinks I ditched, I hope I get to see your painting when it's finished, it really is amazing. See you later, Nik.' With that she was gone and he was left there staring after her like some love sick puppy...which he absolutely was!

For the rest of the day Klaus could be found with his sketchbook in hand, drawing her beautiful eyes over and over again. He was obsessing over every little detail of her cute little nose and her full, kissable lips and by the time the last bell rang he had drawn her 4 times. He tucked the book into his bag and shoved his notebooks into his locker when he was suddenly shoved from behind, hands pushing him painfully into the locker before shutting the door behind him, laughter from 3 jocks outside for several moments before he could pull the latch and let himself out. That asshole had been abusing him since his first day of high school and now as a Junior the moron should be gone but he is, as he said, a moron and has been held back 3 times yet somehow still allowed to play football and to wrestle. How does a piece of shit like that get a girl like Y/n?

Over the next few weeks his crush grew into full blown obsession and even his brothers had noticed, the brothers he lived with who never notice anything! Kol teased him but he could be shut up pretty easily with a punch to the mouth, Elijah just warned his little brother of the risks of what he's doing. Though Elijah is in college now, he had been in the same class as James for years before the kid started getting held back and he knew very well that his little brother would get crushed if he pissed James off. Finn however just wanted details in the insane chance that Klaus actually got the girl into his bed, which Klaus found offensive. Finn was a dick when it came to women, everyone but his girlfriend Sage who had straightened him out when they started dating 2 years ago, though he was still a pig when it came to anyone else. If Klaus was lucky enough for Y/n to give him the time of day he would Never share details with anyone, especially his asshole older brother.

It was 3 weeks before Klaus spoke to Y/n again. He had finally gotten the painting graded and could take it home, and while he normally would take it home and hang it in his basement bedroom (a room his mother had fixed and given to him to make it easier for her son to avoid Mikael when he's angry or drunk), this time he had no intention of taking it home. He had been watching Y/n for weeks now and knew exactly where she was after school, walking outside and to the side of the building to see her with her Cheerleading friends. She was good friends with almost the entire squad despite never being a Cheerleader herself which Klaus almost thanked God for because if he had to see her in the halls every game day wearing one of those uniforms he would bust a nut in front of everyone multiple times a day. He took a deep breath and steadied himself, walking over and instantly having their undivided attention as he got close, none of these popular girls probably ever having been approached by a nerd of any kind. Klaus was an art nerd, meaning he spent all of his time in the art rooms, he wore dorky glasses sadly and he got incredible grades, he knew it and he was fine with it...most of the time. The only time he had a problem with it was lately because he knew a girl like Y/n (despite how kind she was) would never give him the time of day when it came to dating him.

'Are you lost, dork?' One of the Cheerleaders (that he had been teased by before) asked and he felt his face heat up, ready to just give up on this stupid idea when Y/n spoke up.

'Shut up Stacey! He hasn't even said a single word and you're already being a bitch!' She snapped and she stopped laughing, having the decency to look at least a little bit sorry. 'Hi Klaus. What's up?' He grinned, ecstatic that she was so receptive to him approaching her at all, let alone in front of her friends.

'I um...I just finished getting the painting graded and I remember you saying you wanted to see it when it was done?' Her eyes lit up and she smiled a beautiful grin that Klaus instantly knew he would be drawing later.

'Yes! I can't believe you remembered! Show me!' He turned the canvas around and allowed her to see it, letting her take it from him to inspect it closer, her friends now moving to see it as well. 'Klaus...this is incredible! You are so talented there aren't words for it! Isn't this amazing?' She asked her friends who all looked quite stunned by it.

'It is, it's really fucking good.'

'Truth. You have some serious talent. You should be in like, some special art school or something.'

'Brittany is right. You should be! Tell me you're going to some fancy art college after next year?' Y/n asked and he shrugged, blushing like crazy now.

'I'm going to apply to a few but they're really hard to get into, you know?' She nodded.

'Well I'm sure you'll get in, they would be crazy not to like this. I love it Klaus, really.' He nodded, smiling and not taking it from her when she went to hand it back.

'Good. Because it's yours.' All of them looked up at him in surprise, some of the girls giggling while another poked Y/n in the side, all of them walking away at this point to head to the football field for practice.

'Klaus...I can't accept this. You worked so hard on it, and don't you need it for like, your gallery or something to apply to schools?' He shook his head, smiling at her use of the word gallery.

'No, I have some photos of it for my art portfolio, I've been putting it together for years hoping to get out of this fucking town. I do hope I have a gallery of my own someday, but that's a long way off. Maybe someday when that happens, years and years off you'll let me borrow it to showcase, either way it's yours. I enjoyed how your eyes lit up when you saw it, no one has ever really been interested in my art work before besides my little sister, though I think that's just because she knows my family doesn't care much for my artwork.' Y/n looked saddened by that and he hated it immediately, never wanting to see her sweet face frowning.

'That's fucked up. Your family should be supporting you, especially when you're this good! Why don't they?' She seemed genuinely upset for him and it sent butterflies fluttering through his stomach.

'It's complicated I suppose, my mother had an affair and I'm not my fathers son, my relationship with my parents has been...complicated to say the least but you don't need to hear about that. My siblings just aren't into art, simple as that. My older brother Elijah is supportive, as much as he can be.' He didn't like the look of pity on her face as he told her this and tried to get out of the conversation quickly. 'I hope you like it.'

She caught his arm as he turned to leave before wrapping her arm around his neck and hugging him to her. 'I'm so sorry you have to suffer through that. I can't relate to that exactly but my family is fucked up too, my dad is a drunk and my mom numbs the pain with drugs so I pretty much take care of myself. I can empathize is my point...thank you for the painting. It was very thoughtful, I'll take wonderful care of it, I promise.' He wrapped his arms around her, taking the opportunity to take in her scent and feel her body pressed against his. He had been dreaming of her for a month now and finally feeling her body against him was like he was back in one of his dreams, her breasts pressed against his chest firmly and it was all he could think about, his cock twitching to life in his boxers prompting him to let go before this became embarrassing. 'I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?'

'Yes. Absolutely!' With that she was gone and he happily watched her walk away, desperately wanting to know what her cute little ass felt like in his hands, or pressed up against his crotch as he held her to him tightly...if only he had some kind of a chance with her.

From that day on she greeted him every time she saw him in the halls, and every time it made his day. He had caved for the first time after that hug, practically running to his room as he got home and wrapping his fingers around his cock, trying like hell to imagine they were hers as he could still feel her breasts pressed against his chest.

His fingers had been wrapped around his cock ever since…

It was a week later at the end of the school day that he was grabbed from behind, dropping his bag as he prepared to be shoved into the locker again, but he wasn't. He was spun around and pinned to the locker door, looking up to see James behind him and for once he was alone. The halls were deserted as Klaus had stayed after school to finish his newest painting, wanting it to dry over the weekend so he could hand it in on Monday and he felt a chill run up his spine when he realized no one was going to help him if this jerk decided to beat him to death.

'You know, I've been shoving you into lockers and smacking you around for almost 3 years and until a week ago I had no fucking clue what your name was. So why is it that now it's all I hear?' His eyes widened, not having expected that at all. 'Tell me, Klaus...why is my girlfriend suddenly talking about you as if you're fucking Mozart with that damn 'Night Sky' painting she hung in her room?!' Klaus couldn't decide what his mind wanted to focus on, the fact that she hung his painting in her room, the fact that she's talking about him on such a regular basis that James is this upset, or that James has clearly been in her room quite often and imagining him with his hands all over her naked body makes Klaus want to set him on fire. He's willing to bet however, that he picked the wrong one instantly.

'Mozart was a composer, he wrote music, he didn't paint. Maybe you're thinking of Van Gogh with his painting 'The Starry Night'? Though mine is drastically different in every way so I don't know how you could-' he was cut off by the meat headed Jocks fist straight to his eye, his head colliding with the locker hard.

'You are becoming a complication for me Klaus, and I don't like complications when it comes to my girl. She should be focused on me! When I'm in her bedroom there's only one thing I want and it's not to hear about the complexities of your God Damn Fucking Painting!' The idea that James was not only fucking her, but disrespecting her on top of that when she blessed him with the ability to not only see but touch her gorgeous body set every inch of his mind on fire with rage. He was about to snap some sort of comeback that would probably get him beaten when they were both startled.

'James?' Both of their heads turned to see where Y/n had walked in from the stairwell. 'What Are You Doing?! Let Go of Him!' She shouted and he was honored that she was sticking up for him, making him feel like the king of the world before he suddenly got punched again, this time in the nose making him cry out, feeling and tasting the blood that exploded from his face.

'No! He's gonna learn his fucking lesson! You don't go muscling in on a man's women, especially when you're a little punk who can't fight back!'

'Muscling in on-What are you Talking about?! He's my friend! I shared with you how much I love the painting so you could learn something new about me, yet you still never paid an ounce of attention to anything except my tits! Let. Him. Go!' Her voice was firm and Klaus could tell she was pissed but if James noticed, he didn't care.

'You ain't been putting out like normal, what am I supposed to think, huh?! We've been together for over a year and I know how much of a little slut you are, if you ain't getting it from me then you must be getting it somewhere! I wouldn't have guessed this nerdy little shit could give you any kind of fuckin' that's worth while, but stranger things have happened.'

She hadn't been sleeping with him?

Klaus wanted to think maybe he had something to do with it but his logical mind was telling him it more than likely had something to do with this Morons attitude rather than Klaus.

'I told you that if you didn't start paying attention to me and giving a damn about our relationship that I wouldn't be dedicating myself to this relationship anymore! This shows exactly how much you listen to me, now let him go! You have no reason to hurt him, besides, if it wasn't already clear from this conversation, we're done! You can find a new girl to put out, I hope she's as dumb as you so she won't feel the need to talk! Lord knows she won't be getting any actual conversation from you.' James looked stunned, like he didn't know quite how to respond but he seemed to figure it out when he pulled his arm back to hit Klaus once again. As James' hand came down Klaus was yanked out of the way and he collapsed to the floor on top of Y/n as the Jocks hand collided with the lockers painfully, causing him to howl in pain.

'You Fucking Cunt!' Klaus pulled her up to her feet and she took his face into her hands to look over his injuries, allowing him to see how bad Y/n felt about it. 'Fuck This Shit! You ain't worth it, I mean yeah, you have a tight pussy, but you're so fucking needy! All the snuggling and the pet names and needing me to spend time with you every damn day! She's all yours, freak!' With that James stormed off and Klaus was left with Y/n pulling him towards the bathrooms.

'I can't go in there!' Klaus insisted, seeing she was taking him into the girls room but she just huffed.

'Everyone has gone home, and the Cheerleaders have a locker room. No one will come in here.' She pulled him through the doorway and pushed him to sit on the counter. Klaus watched as she wet a paper towel and began cleaning the blood from his face very gently. Even when his mother had cleaned him up after Mikael had beaten him again she was never this tender and careful, he found himself wanting to get hurt everyday if this is the treatment he got. 'I'm sorry he did this to you Klaus, it's all my fault. I should have known he would freak out if I tried to do anything other than take my top off.'

'Y/n, it is not your fault! He's either hit me or shoved me into my locker at least twice a week for 3 years…I'm sorry he treated you like that, you deserve so much better. He should consider himself lucky you let him see you like that, listening to what you say shouldn't be treated like a chore. He's a fucking idiot.' Y/n had stopped cleaning his face and all at once Klaus realized what he had said. 'Not that it's any of my business and I didn't mean-I-well I didn't mean to...I'm sorry-'

'Don't be. You're incredibly sweet Klaus, and you're right, he's an idiot. He's been held back 3 times, plus once in second grade, like how the fuck do you get held back in second grade?!' They were both laughing at that point and for the first time he felt completely comfortable with her, not nervous at all, he enjoyed how carefree she seemed. 'He's right though, I'm definitely needy. He loved it when I called him 'Daddy' but calling me pet names or caring for me or something as simple as snuggling after sex was insane to him. Like, yeah, I have Daddy and intimacy issues, I don't comment on how stupid and childish you are, why can’t you just let me feel safe and small?!' He was stunned, she was talking to him so freely and personally that he didn't quite know what to do, but he didn't want her to stop. He definitely needed to go home and take care of himself now that he's picturing her in baby blue lingerie, calling him Daddy, and snuggling into his chest but he never wanted this moment to end. 'Oh God, I'm so sorry!' He quickly realized that he hadn't said anything after her little rant and he felt bad immediately. 'You didn't need to know any of that! I'm-'

'No! It's fine, I...I think it's even more shitty that you would be so vulnerable with him and he just spat on it. You deserve to be loved and cherished...and a Daddy to take care of you however you need. I...well I would have taken care of you...he doesn't deserve you.' He could see how red your cheeks had become now and he thought it was adorable. 'You can stop if you want. I have plenty of first aid stuff at home, you don't need to-'

'I want to. You deserve someone to take care of you too...I'm almost done anyway. You'll need someone to check on you, you might have a concussion.' Klaus shrugged at that.

'I've had plenty, if I was going to die it probably would have happened by now.' He joked but you did not look entertained.

'I'll do it. Come on, we can hang out and get something to eat. I'm starving.' His eyes widened and he wasn't quite sure how to react. His plan was to go home and jerk off until his balls were surely empty but now Y/n wants to spend time with him? Fuck Yes!

'Yeah...okay. Sure, we can go to my house if you want? The basement is my room but it's so big I made an entertainment center, we can grab some food and...hang out?' Klaus had never 'hung out' with anyone other than his siblings but he was ecstatic at the thought of the girl he is most assuredly in love with crushing on being in his room.

'That sounds like fun! Come on.'

Masterlist

[ladychota]

hii, can i request loki watching the reader as they're drawing/painting and it's all just sweet and peaceful? :)

Just Drawing

Pairing - Loki x Reader

Warnings - Nothing (let me know if there's anything you want me to add)

Summary - You and Loki settle down to do some drawing.

Word Count - 650

A/N - Hope this is what you wanted Anon!

Masterlist

The pencil glides across the paper, your eyes flicking up every few seconds to copy the sharp shape of his jawline or the smooth curve of his cheek.

The lines vary in thickness from thin, faint lines of detail to hard, clear outlines. It takes a while to get his nose the perfect shape - or at least, as perfect as you can get it. Next, you trace the shape of his eyes, wishing you had a green pencil to capture the beautiful, emerald colour of his irises.

Loki doesn't know you're drawing him - he sits quietly in front of you, a book in his lap opened and held carefully so as not to break the spine or dogear the pages. You too were planning on getting lost in the world of a book, but watching his chest rise and fall evenly as his eyes dart across each word was too wonderful of a sight to simply pass up on.

You begin focusing on the shading once the basic shape is completed, wishing your skill was good enough to capture the contentedness in his eyes, his large, ink-black pupils flitting back and forth over the pages; the peacefulness in his face and the way his hair curls and falls softly over his shoulders; the way he is so relaxed in your company, slightly slouched against the sofa while his legs are crossed one over the other.

You find yourself lost by his beauty; he takes your breath away. You're so caught up in attempting to encapsulate him and the feeling he gives you in one drawing that you don't notice his soft eyes flicking from his book to you, sparks of curiosity swimming around in a sea of silky, emerald green.

He's silent as he watches you, instantly guessing what you're doing. Your tongue is stuck out with concentration, your eyes squinting slightly at the pad of paper in your arms. Loki marvels at how beautiful you look, the face you make sending hoards of butterflies fluttering through his stomach and around his heart.

How did he ever find someone as amazing as you? You waltzed into his life like a ray of sunshine, your light magically healing and sealing his wounds. Yes, scars remain. And occasionally they'll open up once more, bleeding thickly into his mind and plaguing his every thought; but you're always there to clean the wounds. You stop the bleeding, your comforting hands and kisses leaving trails of love all over his body.

The corners of Loki's lips twitch upwards in a light smile - one he seems to be unable to suppress. He knows he should stop staring. Perhaps he should return to his book, leave you to finish your drawing unbeknownst to him watching you.

But curiosity gets the better of him.

"What are you up to, love?"

You freeze, eyes gravitating from the smudged paper to his face.

"Just, uh-" You clear your throat. "Just drawing,"

His smile grows. "May I see?"

You look back to the half-finished drawing of his face, cringing at all the imperfections you are yet to work on. "Well... perhaps when it's complete,"

"Alright. I can't wait, my dear," He mumbles, returning his gaze to his book - but not, however, reading a single word. His mind is preoccupied, never straying far away from the thought of you. 

Loki sighs after a few moments of indecision, making his book disappear in a flash of green and summoning his own sketch pad and pencils. You eye him sceptically, aware of his sudden movements.

"And what are you up to?" You ask.

"Just drawing," He replies, flashing you a grin before beginning to map out the shape of your face.

A small smile spreads across your features; one you don't intend on him seeing but know he does anyway. Loki quickly sketches out the curved shape of your lips, knowing he will likely be unable to see such a flustered yet beautiful smile again while he's drawing.

~★~

A/N - Thinking of starting a tag list so if you want to be added then don't hesitate to ask!!

[cup1dt3a]

I loved your Wally x reader and their little sister its so cute I hope its ok if I request a Wally x reader who loves to draw and reader starts looking for inspiration and they come across the show and they start drawing the characters Wally seemingly there favorite to draw

Tysm for the request and kind words! It always makes me happy to know people are enjoying my writing! And your request sounds very intriguing I like it! Hope you’re doing well or that things get better!

“ Ugh! Why must artblock be such a bitch!?” You cried out scribbling over the drawings you deemed not good.

You’ve had nothing but what feels like years of artblock. Even though it’s only been two weeks you just really wanted draw something and be happy with it but with whatever you drew you immediately hated it or just couldn’t get it how you wanted it to look. Including when a single idea came to mind it would completely vanish the moment you tried to draw. It was almost as if the gods forbid you to draw. Eventually you sighed out too frustrated to keep going as you tossed your sketch book to the side of your nightstand with your pencil and eraser.

“ Maybe watching some TV will do the trick?” You questioned to yourself .

As you grabbed the remote to the Tv flipping through the dully colored shows. Some more mature, too childish for you, others too in appropriate for you. Soon enough after your mindless flipping you came across a bright and colorful show displaying its intro. Now this looked interesting! You put the remote down onto a nearby surface as your eyes were now glued to the TV. Everything about the show from beginning to end captivated you. The show’s character designs were outstanding, the animation even more the puppets was almost too smooth like they were alive, and just everything about it made you admire it. But one character in particular caught your attention.

Wally Darling the main character of the show drew you into it even more. You loved his design and character traits. He was like a little gremlin! It didn’t help that he was also 12 apples tall. He was just a tiny little gremlin in your eyes that loved apples and drew. Him also being an artist was just a bonus for you!

“ Now! What do you think I should draw today?” He asked through the screen staring at the viewer who was currently you.

“ How about I draw you?” You muttered eyes flickering back and forth to a cream colored page and the colorful puppet.

Your art block finally vanished from your new obsession with the main character Wally. His design was supper easy to draw his figure too was just as easy. It didn’t help that the day after watching the show and drawing him the next few episodes all he did was give you brilliant and adorable poses. It was like he was practically begging you to draw him.

What a model he was. It was almost as if he never wanted you to take your eyes off of him. Like he was your little model doing anything you needed without being asked to. The perfect model indeed. But everyone has their secrets right? And your precious model had many.

He swung his legs back and forth with glee as he laid on his plush stomach on the the floors of your room. Flipping through your many many many pages of him and his friends. But mainly him. He couldn’t believe that he was the main focus of your inspiration. Him! Wally Darling the main focus of your own masterpieces. He had to admit you really did have some talent with shading and even just with drawing in general. You were just as good as him! It made him so happy almost too happy.

Looking over to your sleeping figure he couldn’t help but just want to give you a hug as a thank you for your amazing work. What kind of neighbor would he be if he didn’t thank you for being so kind as to draw him?

So as quietly as he could he had gotten up off of his little legs pushing up from the ground to tip toe over to your sleeping figure. Somewhere in your own dream land unaware and so unknowingly vulnerable to anyone who came in here. You should be glad it was him and not some horrible soul! Wally never exactly understood sleeping. Every time he tried he’d wake up in a panic scared of the horrible things his imagination came up with in his own dream land. You just looked so peaceful. He must admit that he envied you and his friends for having the gift of sleep. He’s almost surprised he doesn’t have eye bags like Franks. Just as he reached your comfy bed he couldn’t reach up. Pouting as he tried to quietly jump up without waking you. He couldn’t reach you even as he pitifully tried. Your bed was too high for his small plush legs to reach. He wondered how you even got up her everyday. You must of had to do some kind of cardio to achieve the top of this thing!

You stirred around on top of the bed hearing a small pitter patter constantly tapping your floor. You assumed it was your pet wanting attention. It was your fault for spoiling them so much they they only scratched at your bedside or tried to jump onto it so you would cuddle them. Tiredly sitting up you turned to the side of the constant pitter patter you felt around for them eventually feeling something soft and pulling them up. Not even giving it a second thought to the difference in the texture of your baby.

“ You’re so pitiful.” You told them nuzzling their forehead before dozing off to sleep.

Well this was unexpected. You’re now hugging him and he can’t get out of your grip now. Home is going to be so mad at him if he doesn’t hurry up. But at the same time you’re so comfy as you gently huggs you with his plush form. Why must the world be so cruel that he has to go soon ending this amazing moment sooner than he wants it to. If he could he would just lay in your arms forever always able to have your warm figure cuddling him. Wow he could actually go to sleep for once. But the sun is about to rise and home will lock him out again if he doesn’t come back! This was so unfair. After he sadly wiggled out of your loving grip he jumped off the bed. Landing face first onto the hard floor. How lovely?

He bit his tongue rushing towards the TV to scream out in pain as freely as he wanted to.

You woke up in an award position as if you were hugging something. You stretched your arms out trying to undo a few knots in your back. All the sudden you heart your pet making a ruckus at the door. You huffed getting out of bed to see what got them so rilled up. Soon you came to the door hearing the bell ringing. Opening the door you saw a small rectangular box at the bottom of your feel. Looking around the corner unsure you ordered anything that was supposed to arrive today.

You brought it inside to see if you could find an address or anything to know who’s it was and to your dismay there was no sticker or anything just a colorful. Little box the red, orange, and yellow pattern looked familiar. You decided to open it up to see if there was anything in there.

As you opened it you couldn’t help but squeal. It was a little Wally puppet! Whoever this was supposedly to go to was never getting it back now. You couldn’t believe it! There was only so much and so few Wally Darling puppets ever sold. You fawned over the doll not noting its smile growing by the moment as you hugged it.

Hope you all enjoyed this! I’ve been having a bit of writers block but managed to get through with this I’m so happy! I hope you’re all doing well or that yo ur day gets better.

Also ty all so much for the kind words you all comment on my works. It makes me so happy to know you all are enjoying my writing. I had written my first Wally Darling fic and a joke tbh and because I was bored and next thing Ik I’m now doing it so often I bearly write for twst XD.

Sincerely-Cup1dT3a 💌

[alice-after-dark]

Late Night with the Radio Demon - The Summoning

Tagging @hiemaldesirae as requested :)

Did not expect to be posting about this again so soon, but here we are. This au owns my soul now and I'm not mad about it.

The whole demon summoning thing was actually a complete accident. Kind of. Technically he knew what was supposed to happen, he just didn't actually believe it would work.

Vincent hadn't gotten a proper look at the face of the man at the bar. His voice and hands told him the guy had to be old, but he'd kept his face hidden behind a scarf and the hood of his jacket. He'd been mumbling to himself when he'd handed over the small book, something about fulfilling his end of the bargain and "finally being free of that damned deer." Vincent had shrugged it all off as drunken nonsense. But the old man had insisted he take the book, so Vincent had accepted it and promptly forgotten about the entire encounter until days later when his show was threatened. He'd managed to keep his breakdown in check until he reached his tiny barren apartment. His ensuing tantrum had knocked over his coat rack, sending the book sailing across the floor, only to be noticed once Vincent had reduced himself to exhausted sobs.

Upon closer examination, it wasn't so much a book as it was a journal. Beat up and well-worn, it looked just as old as the individual who had pressed it into his hands that night. Opening it had sent a shiver over his skin, one that he chalked up to adrenaline. The interior was filled with mad ramblings and scribbles, sketches of antlers and eyes and deer skulls and something resembling a microphone...cane...thing? It takes some deciphering of the warped script for Vincent to finally realize what it's talking about...demon summoning.

The journal documents the summoning of a creature known only as the Radio Demon, describe as an eldritch being with extraordinary powers. The summoning that apparently started the journal took place back in 1902, but the stories date of the demon's existence go back as far as the medieval era. The old man got himself locked into a deal with the Radio Demon, though the details of said deal are lost in the madness of his writings. Eventually he stumbles across what appear to be...radio frequencies? Against his better judgement, he gets out his old radio.

He hasn't touched the thing in a while, but it's still in perfect working order. It's a prank, he tells himself, probably some joke channel some idiot got up and running. He'll play along, have a good laugh about it, and then...he should probably do something about the mess he made. He twists the dials to the frequencies outline in the journal, but all that greets him is static. Vincent is actually vaguely disappointed that there wasn't something more interesting on the other end of the broadcast. Just as he goes to turn it off though...

Something that sounds like distorted jazz starts playing, but not from the radio. It's coming from...everywhere. The lights begin to flicker wildly. The radio starts to glow with an eerie green light as the room around him grows darker, as though it's being consumed by the shadows itself. There's nothing but never ending darkness outside his window even though it was only mid-afternoon when he arrived home. Vincent staggers back away from the radio, tripping over his own feet and sending himself sprawling. This can't be real. There's no way this is real!

Then a hand emerges through the light coming from the radio, gripping the side of the device as another joins it, pulling and dragging until something wholly inhuman begins to slide free. It's jaw is too wide, eyes black with radio dials ticking away at the center, limbs jagged and warped, inky black antlers twisting up to the ceiling. The jazz is now screeching with static feedback and Vincent covers his ears in pain. He can't breathe. This can't be real!

And then, abruptly, it all stops and standing before him is a bizarre looking young man in a red suit.

"Greetings, my good man!"

---

(Later, when Vincent would discover who Alastor was in life, he'd ask how there could possibly be such old records of him if he only entered Hell in 1933. Apparently, time means nothing to Hell when it comes to demon summoning.)

[peachpearsnook]

Dead Purple Flowers Tied Up With Twine (Dead Donatello AU)

Chapter Two

Warnings: This AU contains character death, terminal illness, grief and mourning, and horrible coping mechanisms

Mikey had finally completed what he had been working on for his brother, a mural outside his favorite pizza shop. He took a picture after dark because he knew it would look the best, with the warm lights from the shop illuminating the piece. He spent the extra coin to get all the best shades of purple at the store. It was a perfect piece to his brother. He took a picture of it on his phone, knowing full well Donnie couldn’t leave the lair anymore, and went to show him his work.

He passed Leo on his way to the lab. He was listening to bubblegum pop loudly without headphones as he moved and shuffled supplies around in the med bay. Mikey could tell Leo was obsessing over his textbooks for something he might have missed about Donnie’s illness. He was still dancing around to the beat, flipping between different books and pages.

Mikey kept walking to the far reaches of the lair. Donnie's door didn’t have a lock on it anymore and it opened smoothly, clicking into place. From the doorway he could see him asleep at his desk, laying across scattered papers of scribbled out sketches.

“Don?” He called. No response. “Hey, Donald, I have something to show you.”

He padded over to the desk and nudged at his brother’s side. Donnie didn’t move. He moved to grab his shoulder and shake him awake, but when he fully touched him he was cold. Mikey froze. No, no, no, no—

Mikey let out a blood curdling scream, he was dead, Donnie was dead and he wasn’t supposed to have died yet, he still had time, he had said so, he said he still had weeks left, not days, not hours until his final breath, he had done the calculations, Donnie had—

Mikey was hyperventilating, gasping for breaths he couldn’t catch as he still stood there staring at the body of his brother, who no longer had breath of his own to breathe.

Raph came racing around the corner shouting Mikey’s name, asking him what was wrong and why he was screaming. He couldn’t answer, having collapsed next to Donnie’s chair, holding onto the arm rest and sobbing into his forearms.

Raph felt Donnie’s arm, near his wrist where a pulse should be. Then something shattered inside him. There was nothing. No slight warmth, no sign of a pulse, no sign of life. His brother lay still, his body no longer even moving to breath. He was just still, cold and ridged.

His first reaction was to start crying, then it was to immediately pull himself together again. Raph had to be strong, more than ever, Splinter wasn’t here anymore, so he had to be able to hold the family together, even as he wanted to collapse next to Mikey and cry, and sob, and let it all out. He couldn’t afford to do that, not here, not now.

He tried to pull Mikey away from the chair, but his little brother held strong. He shouldn’t be seeing this. Donnie didn’t look like himself anymore. He was pale, shrunken, and frail, his face gaunt and his eyes unseeing.

“Mikey,” he mumbled, still holding onto his brother’s arm.

Mikey continued to sob, holding onto the chair for all it was worth. He couldn’t let go.

“Mikey, we have to tell Leo.” Raph crouched down, setting a hand on Mikey’s shoulder, his little brother still unwilling to budge from where he was hunched on the floor.

He ended up having to leave Mikey to go grab Leo. Leo looked so happy when Raph ran in, listening to his music and dancing around the med bay.

“Hey, Raph,” Leo chirped, still focused on his work in organizing the bay, “what’s up?”

He couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He didn’t have to say it out loud until now. Raph forced himself to take a deep breath and spit it out. “It’s Donnie, he’s—he had less time than he thought.”

The color drained from Leo’s face in an instant. Leo dropped what he was holding and it shattered at his feet. Then they were racing down the hall, ignoring the glass on the ground in the med bay. Leo was already crying by the time he got to the lab.

“No, no, no, no . . .” Leo sobbed, pacing around Donnie, afraid to move any closer. “He said-he said—”

Raph stood a little away, tears rolling down his cheeks already no matter how he tried to hold them back or desperately wipe them away. He would stay strong, he had to, for Leo, for Mikey . . . for Donnie.

“Raph, he said—” Leo turned to Raph, struggling to breath, his eyes teary, “he—”

“I know, I know,” Raph’s voice cracked, even as he tried to hide it.

Leo finally moved towards Donnie, he did the same as Raph and checked once again for a pulse. When he found nothing, he pulled away instantly. “He’s—”

Mikey was still crumpled on his knees by the chair, his cries having weakened into hiccups and ragged breaths.

Leo crashed into Raph, who held onto him immediately.

They stayed like that for what seemed like forever. Mikey refused to let go of Donnie’s chair, and Raph refused to let go of Leo who still sobbed in his arms. After several moments of just crying, Raph managed to pull Mikey off the chair and give him to Leo, then pushed Leo out the door with him. He closed the door, and faced Donnie’s body. He didn’t know what to do. He was only seventeen, he wasn’t prepared for this, didn't know how to handle it, and Splinter, Dad, he was the one who was supposed to know what to do, but he was gone. Just like Donnie, he was gone, and it was Raph’s job now to handle it, but he was at a loss.

He didn’t want to move Donnie. It felt wrong. So, he stood there for a few minutes, staring at the body of his dead brother, unsure of what to do.

Then he shakily took out his phone and called his step-father. They weren’t entirely close. Their relationship was still strained to say the least. But Draxum would know what to do, could do what he couldn’t. And Draxum deserved to know his kid was gone.

“Hello? Raphael?”

He struggled to speak for a moment. “Can-can you come to the lair? Now? I—”

“Raphael? Are you okay?”

“I-I need you, please. I don’t, I can’t—”

“I am on my way, Raphael.” There was shuffling on the other end of the line. “Are you hurt?”

Raph couldn’t answer. His throat was clogged from all the held-back tears. He struggled to croak out a barely audible, “N-no.”

“I’ll be there in a moment, Raphael. Stay on the line.”

The door slid open again a few minutes later. Leo and Mikey were still on the floor in the hall. The two of them wrapped around each other still sobbing. Draxum stood in the doorway, holding the door open. He took in the sights of the lab and his breath hitched.

Suddenly, Raph wasn’t his main priority anymore, once it became clear to him that Raph wasn’t in danger. And when he saw Donnie . . .

Draxum rushed over to him and nearly broke down himself.

“Donatello?” He croaked, kneeling beside the desk.

Raph couldn’t hold back the flood gate anymore and started sobbing, hugging himself and falling to his knees.

“My son?” Draxum carefully placed a hand on Donnie’s shoulder. He felt how cold he was but didn’t move it. He took in a sharp breath, now understanding the gravity of the situation.

His boy was dead.

He stood up sharply and turned to Raph. “Raph, call April, tell her to get here when she can. She can look after you boys for the time being. I will-I am going to take Donnie.”

“But D—”

“Raph, you have to be the adult for a moment, and I am sorry, but this is—” Draxum paused to swear under his breath. “—this is . . . there is nothing we can do. I have to take him. April will be the adult until I return. You will be the adult until she gets here.”

Raph shuddered, wiping at his face.

“Can you do that? Just for now, be strong a little longer.”

Raph nodded.

“You are so strong, Raphael,” Draxum muttered. “I am going to move your brother. Could you take your brothers into the projector room and wait there, call April to come look after you.”

Raph didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to go wait in another room while his brother was taken away. But he did as he was told, because he didn’t know what else to do. He picked up Mikey and held Leo’s hand, taking them into the projector room. He set Mikey on the couch and wrapped him in a blanket. Leo sat next to him, wrapped in his own blanket.

He got out his phone again and called April.

It was hours spent in the projector room crying with his brothers, and then crying with April. They all huddled together, having moved onto the floor from the couch. Mikey was clinging to Raph's chest, with April and Leo on either side of him.

Draxum came back eventually. It was nearly four in the morning when he returned, and all of them but Raph had fallen asleep, tired from the previous day. He didn’t have his brother with him anymore, Donnie’s body was taken away and he didn’t come back. He wasn’t going to come back. He couldn’t.

Draxum took a seat on the ground next to the pile, leaning against the couch. He seemed tired, letting out a sigh. “You can rest, Raphael, it is late.”

Donnie died a few days ago and it still didn’t feel real. Leo was convinced that it was all still a dream, that he would wake up and his twin would still be there. But yet every morning he continuously awoke to the same grim reality: Donnie was dead, there was no hellish nightmare to awaken from.

No one had gone in the lab since. They couldn’t face that he wasn’t there, it was easier to pretend he was just in his lab as always rather than burned and sitting in a fancy, purple cup in the projector room next to Splinter.

Leo walked by the door everyday, his room was the farthest in the lair next to Donnie’s old room.

Draxum offered that they should come live with him and get out of the sewers. Raph agreed almost instantly to the move, itching to get out of the lair because of how every part of it only stood to remind him of Donnie. Leo and Mikey fought them at every turn. April managed to convince Mikey that they would be closer in the apartment complex.

Leo wasn’t convinced. He wouldn’t let anyone into the lab to pack up Donnie’s things and he refused to pack up his own belongings.

“Leo?” Mikey asked hesitantly, knocking his knuckles against Leo’s arm. “Are you—are you okay?”

Leo was currently on the floor in the projector room staring at Splinter’s old ‘do not touch’ shelf. Donnie and Dad were on that shelf now. At least they were until Raph put them both in a box so he can follow this step-father’s every instruction. Leo was not convinced.

“You seem kinda spacy,” Mikey added, flopping down next to him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“You should be getting your stuff together,” Raph called, peeking into the projector room, carrying a box of his own.

Leo grumbled and pulled Mikey against his side.

Raph rolled his eyes. “Start packin’ up or your stuffs gonna be left behind.”

Leo didn’t answer again. Mikey was starting to think he was being used as an excuse for Leo to not answer their older brother.

“We . . . we're goin’ into his room next,” Raph muttered, “we want to go in together, so pack up your things so we can.”

Leo suddenly pushed Mikey away, and stood up. He stomped past Raph and down the hall. He knew he was being dramatic and stupid, pushing his brothers away after such a horrible loss that was affecting all of them. But he couldn’t help but be upset, blaming everyone and himself for what had happened despite knowing damn well there was nothing anyone could do to stop Donnie’s cancer. But he was the medic, he should have been able to see it, should have known something was wrong before it was too late.

He walked by the lab door, as always. The door was closed, but the lock was still missing. He kept walking to his room. It was only a few steps away from the lab. On some sleepless night, when his twin was still alive, he could hear the sounds of blasting dubstep through his door. He missed it, he missed the dubstep and the screaming and the explosions. The random Donnie check-ins where he would wander into Leo’s room and just lay next to him. The random noises Donnie would make as he watched movies with them or hung out with them in the atrium. Everything, he missed everything. But now everything was gone. There would be no more of those moments.

He carelessly threw his things into boxes and tried not to think about his missing second half. But he kept finding the little gifts Donnie made him. Leo even found the first gift he’d ever gotten, a rock painted a reflective blue from a handicap parking space on the first night Splinter took them out of the lair. Donnie had tripped over it when he first found it and upon picking it up, he had instantly given it to Leo. After every gift he gave out Donnie was always so happy. Leo just wanted to see him be happy again.

In the final week of Leo knowing about his brother’s cancer, and even a little before then, Donnie never looked happy. No happy little noises or hand movements, he only held a depressed expression as he tried to keep himself standing with his staff. The closest he could get were forced grimaces, and those looked just as miserable.

Leo tossed the nightlight Donnie gave him into his personal possessions box. The box that could never get lost under any circumstances. The box he would watch from here to Draxum’s apartment. Donnie made it for him when they were six, because Leo was scared of the dark, and truth be told, he still can’t sleep at night without it. Whether he was scared of the dark or needed his brother close, he didn’t know. What mattered is that he knew he needed it desperately.

He finished packing up his things. His room was completely empty now. All his Jupiter Jim posters and figurines cleaned from the walls and shelves. He taped up the last box and stacked them together.

Mikey was in the doorway when he turned back around.

Leo stood there next to his stacks of boxes, looking his little brother up and down. He still didn’t want to say a word, even though he knew none of this was Mikey’s fault.

“Raph’s waiting for us at his door,” Mikey said, looking out of place standing at Leo’s doorway. He was wearing a paint-stained black hoodie that was way too large for him. It was another one of Donnie’s gifts. He had gotten it for Mikey when he realized the box turtle had an affinity for street art. That was a year ago, and Mikey continued to paint the city.

Leo narrowed his eyes, but walked past Mikey regardless. He tried to ignore his little brother’s heartbroken gaze on the back of his head.

Raph didn’t say anything upon seeing Leo and Mikey in the hall, he just put a hand on the door handle. But as soon as he did, Leo grabbed his wrist.

“Leo,” Raph warned.

Leo glared back.

“We have to take his stuff to the new apartment, or would you rather we left everythin’ he ever worked on in the sewers to rot and wash away in the next overflow?”

Grief affects everyone differently. So, when Leo got quiet and Raph got angry, Mikey didn’t judge, but fighting over who got to go into their dead brother’s room was not something Mikey was going to stand by for.

“Enough,” Mikey snapped, knocking Leo’s hand off of Raph. He pushed past his older brothers and opened the lab door. It creaked open slowly to reveal the mostly-spotless, aside from the dust that had gathered in the few days after his death, lab that Donnie had left. It was unusual to see it in such a state, lacking its controlled chaos of projects and blueprints littered about. It looked hollow and no longer had the life it once held.

Raph brought in the boxes and went straight to packing everything away, starting with Donnie’s clothes. Purple hoodie, tank tops, even a suit or two. Raph was focused, barely looking through what he was shoving into the boxes.

Mikey wandered to the bulletin boards lining the back wall. It was all of his art, pinned up on the walls. Next to the table beneath the boards, tucked into a corner was a small box. Mikey knelt down and pulled it from its hiding spot. It was labeled: “for my family.”

“Guys?” Mikey called to the rest of the room.

Raph looked up. “Stop messin’ around,” he scolded, “close the box and tape it shut.”

Mikey looked back at the box addressed for them. There were three things inside that Mikey didn’t quite get to see before he closed the box’s flaps and taped it shut.

He got back up and pulled another box closer, slowly pulling down old artwork and tossing it into the boxes along with everything from the tables lining the back wall.

Leo went straight for the curtain in the far corner of the room and pulled it back. His bed was ruffled and messy from the last night Donnie had ever slept in it. The pillowcase was stained a slight brownish color that Leo knew well as dried blood. He would have to throw the pillow away, but he pulled Donnie’s blankets and sheets off the bed and into a box.

The nightstand had a matching nightlight, but it was glowing a faded purple light, the batteries nearly dead from having been on for days. Next to the light was a family picture in a wooden purple frame and a fold up drawing Mikey had done of all of them. The drawing was chicken scratch compared to what Mikey could do now, the figures were nothing but colored blobs. The bottom corner of the paper read: “Michelangelo, Age 5.”

Leo put the picture into his medic bag rather than into one of the boxes. He put the picture frame into a box but also kept the matching nightlight.

He looked through Donnie’s drawers and found some fidgets, a tablet, and a large, almost empty bottle of advil. He put all of it into the box and taped it shut.

When he stepped back out of the curtain, Mikey and Raph were pulling apart Donnie’s computer setup. Raph was packing it into the boxes while Mikey wrote down instructions on how to set it back up in case they would ever need to. Leo knew that the computer was going to rot in a box in Draxum’s closet.

Even the lab was empty now. The whole lair was, from tchotchkes to furniture, everything was packed away to either be thrown out or moved into the apartment. They were moving everything from his old home.

Leo didn’t want to leave the lair. It was his home in a way that Draxum’s new apartment would never be. Because Draxum’s new apartment didn’t have Donnie. And like so many other things now, it never would.

The boxes were moved into the apartment and now everyone was doing a final sweep of the lair for things they might have missed.

Leo stood in the empty lab, toying with the nightlight he had taken from Donnie’s nightstand. The light was still going strong, built as tough as his brother used to be. While messing with it in his bag, however, he clicked something.

At first, he thought he had broken it. He pulled it out in a panic, the soft purple light washing over his face in the darkened, empty lab. It didn’t look broken. Then it started playing a recording.

“Leo, shh, I am recording the song,” a squeaky voice buzzed from the nightlight’s speaker.

“But I wanna help sing it with you,” a second voice piped in.

“Sigh. Fine, you can sing the song with me. There are no real lyrics anyway so it's impossible for you to screw this up.”

“Yay! Thank you, Dee.”

“Okay, let me play the music, start on my cue.”

The music, a soft piano that seemed to be coming from another device and was thus extra grainy. Then the two high-pitched voices started to “la, la, la,” along with the music. It sounded good for a moment, the sound of two children singing a lullaby, until one of the voices dissolved into laughter.

“Lee!” the voice shrieked, “S-stop!” Whoever the voice belonged too kept laughing and giggling, fighting to get words out.

The other voice joined in laughing too. Both of them ended up laughing their little hearts out until the audio cut out.

It was the lullabye Donnie wanted to record when he made the nightlights. He was going to record it for the both of them, but after his own fell to laughter and tickle fights, he never got around to recording the song for Leo’s light.

A drop of water splattered onto his knuckle. His fingers brushed against his cheeks and came back damp with tears. He messily wiped the rest of his tears away, turned the nightlight off, and shoved it back into his bag.

Leo left the lab, and left the lair, leaving his home.

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