#it's a very confusing time but also exciting and I've never been more hopeful that this might actually be it

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

half 11 at night gender hits different

[hamsternella]

maybe headcanons of Bill Cipher being obsessed with us for being Ford's wife, but at first he feels jealous and gradually that changes as he finds we have equal things (e.g. we are blind, and that makes Bill start to want to get more intimate with us as he has with Ford because he finds that we have also been despised/put aside because of that difference), and maybe he wants to make a deal with us but we refuse out of loyalty to Ford and that makes Bill jealous- but now of Ford, not of us lmao sorry if that is confusing or too specific.

Are you going to write any Gravity Falls fanfic on the side? I've seen your poll and I'm very excited

HELLO, and no problem. Here it is, I hope you like it.

As for the fanfic, I do plan to write one. Actually, it's in drafts; I just need to correct what I have written. I don't know if I should make it long or cut it and put it in chapters.

Bill Cipher being obsessed with you [headcanon]

cw: fem!reader, non-con touching, possessed body, jealousy, maybe a bit of ooc(?

The reason Bill begins to feel his plan is threatened is because of you. As much as Ford has him on a pedestal, you are still the main reason for his early accomplishments. The special person who has been with him since his college discovery years.

You're not like McGucket; your judgment carries paramount weight in Ford's most decisive decisions. You're not a mentally dazzling woman, not like him, but your claws keep you firmly entrenched behind Sixer's back. Bill repudiates that—it makes no sense at all!

As if that weren't enough, the affair culminates with you being blind. Can there be anything much more repugnant than a romance fueled by misfortune? Ford is drawn to your sincere heart, and you support him unconditionally because beyond your husband's obsession, your love for him seems to break down the most terrifying walls. And how can you be afraid of something you can no longer see?

Bill feels he has the enemy breathing behind his back. For the first time he thinks he can't solve everything with a kick to the rock in the middle of the road.

The closest thing to a tantrum you get from him —unknowingly— are regular nightmares, a weak body and constant paranoia about unfamiliar sounds and sensations. Your home is suddenly a new world; frightening and strange. Because of this you become clumsy and unpredictable, and even your husband doesn't understand what it is that has you so off track.

Bill can't use his influence on your reality at all, but through Ford and other extensions, as well as fine print manipulations, he manages to reach you without arousing suspicion.

''I've told you many times, Bill,'' sighed Ford with his back turned, both hands placed on his journal. ''I don't think I can go through with this completely until I manage to find a way to help my wife.''

''Isn't this a sign that it's time to get her out of your way?''

"Excuse me?’’ The man turned his attention to the demon; his eyes laden with bitterness and desolation. ''What do you mean by that? I can't abandon my wife, Cipher—she would never do something like that to me.''

''Well,'' Bill chuckled, ''it's not like she's really done anything for you all this time. This project is our thing, Fordsy, and it shouldn't be interrupted by a little stumble that doesn't even belong to us. Or are you going to give up everything you've sacrificed for this?''

''You have understood me like no other, Bill; I admit that there is no person or creature existing on this planet who can do all that you have done for me,'' admitted Ford solemnly. ''But she's my wife—she's been around even before you, when I was nobody. When I had nothing. And even when I came to Gravity Falls and left everything behind she was always there. Bill, I... I can't, I'm sorry.''

Bill held back another complaint, beginning to notice that things were not working out the way he had wanted. Your clumsiness didn't kill Ford's patience or control, but what little sanity —if any— there was in him. It was humiliating; Bill Cipher losing to a human being, a random woman—blind, to make it worse.

The demon was beginning to withdraw in on himself, frustration rising to anger, when Ford's voice from the entrance to the room drew his gaze back. There was a different gleam in his companion's, and Cipher understood with annoyance where the conversation would end up now.

Your husband introduces you to the possible solution to all your problems: Mr. Cipher, a doctor and close friend of Stanford. A mysterious man with a booming voice that makes your hair stand on end, but at the end of the day a man of studies and degrees. Of course you were going to trust your husband's recommendation.

''What a coincidence that you happened to be passing by, sir! Thank you for offering to help me. That's very kind of you.''

Bill starts pretending to be your personal doctor in search of a miracle solution to your problems. It's not hard to avoid contact with you to hide the truth; Ford tries hard to keep the situation straight.

If the demon hated you before, now you better start praying.

Cipher understands that he needs to play along with Ford if he wants the project to stay on track, even if that means starting to help you heal while containing his desire to get rid of you.

Maybe if he possessed Stanford and took advantage of you during your naps.

Maybe.

But he knows better than that—Ford isn't stupid. Not stupid enough, at least.

It was humiliating to have to take care of what he himself had caused, but it's not as if Bill could afford any other way to get back on the project. Ford was all he had. Where was he going to get someone else capable enough? This had been fate; interrupted at the last minute by the appearance of a bad third. This was all your fault. Blind little rat—woman busybody with a sweet smile and giggly voice. Cipher understood why Sixer was where he was with you, on the one hand. On the other it was all the same: a whim that cost dearly. Who needed someone like you? What was the benefit? Sex, maybe? But Bill Cipher was a thousand times better than something so banal! Please…

Bill rolled his eye, snapping his fingers to undo the nightmare you were in. As soon as your dream was undone you let out an exclamation of surprise, jumping on the bed. You brought a hand to your face, feeling the sweat, and almost immediately moved your body to where he lay. Cipher held back surprise, finding himself genuinely intrigued.

''Doctor,'' you whispered hoarsely, ''good afternoon. I... Forgive me, I think I fell asleep—it was sudden, I don't know what came over me...''

''Did you know it was me here with you?''

The smile you gave him threw him off. A ''Well, yes, isn't it very obvious?'' kind of grimace.

''Does your husband know that you have these nightmares during our therapies?''

'Therapies' sounded fancy, but it was shorthand for the tortures Bill forced you to go through; a theater of supposed recovery to cover up his need to hurt you.

“He doesn't know, doctor. I haven't told him, if I'm honest,'' you replied. ''Please don't tell him anything.''

''It would be unethical!''

‘’Pretending to be a doctor is also unethical, sir,’’ you laughed. ''I am blind, not stupid.’’

Killing you was going to be the only solution to all of this—although from that day on nothing else ever happened.

Bill has to accept that you have a lot of tricks up your sleeve. You're not just any woman anymore; being Ford's wife had to have been warning enough for him.

You continue to not remind him of his charade and allow him to continue 'treating' you, while your husband resumes the plans for the portal.

Surprisingly, Bill seems to have found interest in something much more striking.

You.

The nightmares subside, your mood and judgment improve, and Cipher finds a strange pleasure in this new side of you: much more alert, more talkative and wittier. You have your charm.

But it's your husband who pulls the reins. Bill gets it right away.

Evenings with you aren't exactly revelatory like they are with Ford, who always has enough data and information to surprise everyone with. With you it's different; it's something much more intimate and almost forgotten by Bill. He knows so much that it would be impossible to be taken by surprise—but you manage to do it.

He is overcome with a nostalgic and unpleasant feeling, but which ironically keeps him alive as he decides to lie to Ford.

Bill doesn't want to let you go. It's strange. Maybe he got used to another glaring presence besides Sixer? Torturing you a little more in silence to keep you under his care should not be a stupid thing to do at all.

Cipher encounters another particular feeling: curiosity. He needs to know why you know what you know; and what it is, above all else, that keeps you here.

What keeps you with so much power over him, Bill Cipher.

''Are you saying that I have tricks up my sleeve? I don't get it, doctor...''

''Oh! Oh, please,'' Bill interrupted, thunderous laughter bouncing across the room. ''You know I'm no doctor; the title is ridiculous.''

''Should I call you 'Mr. Cipher' instead?''

Bill held back a sigh, rubbing his eye for a moment before orbiting around you. If you had noticed, you didn't say or do anything. Your eyes, white as opaque pearls, remained fixed on a corner of the room.

''Since when did you know I wasn't a doctor? No, better yet, since when did you know I wasn't human?''

''Well, it's not quite like that either,'' you replied under a soft laugh. ''You just revealed to me that you are not human. As for the doctor thing... Well, don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think that dream therapies and transverse snoring with citrus scent induction while dipping my feet in spoiled milk is something a professional would recommend.''

Bill pretended not to be offended.

''Besides that,'' you continued, ''I know my husband very well. I know that he hides dangerous things down there, where I cannot reach by myself, just as I know everything that has been happening is not the product of chance.''

''Did you know all this time that your nightmares and fears have been my doing?''

‘’No, not really. You just confessed it to me.''

‘’Oh, come on!’’ Bill shook his fists in the air, abruptly remembering that you couldn't see him. It was strange, you seemed to know the world you inhabited even though your eyes wouldn't let you. The thought made the demon orbit around you again, returning in front of you. Opaque pearls; gaze lost in the open. "I've had a majestic revelation at this very moment! Do you want to hear it, or will your big, bold woman brain let you know in advance what I have to say?”

"I have a slight feeling you don't like me.”

“Yes or no!”

“Of course, tell me.”

"I have to assume you weren't born blind; this must be the product of an accident," Cipher began to say. "That would explain why the hell you do everything you do, and why the fuck you know where I am.”

"That's right, Mr. Cipher," you nodded. "I've had an accident, though I suppose you know that because you've infiltrated me. Either that, or my husband told you.”

"So you did know that I'm a demon?”

“You just—”

“Oh, shut up! Don't fucking say it again.”

Your coexistence with Bill becomes pleasant, despite the early revelation of his nature and his having been the cause of your misfortunes.

Cipher comes to believe that he may have been wrong; maybe you were stupid after all.

But that would be crazy! Unlike with Ford, with you the feelings are extremely nostalgic and warm. There is no trace of some kind of farce or genuine morbid interest behind your words. You believe everything you say.

Bill, who despite not sleeping or dreaming, being haunted by the memory of screams and an old distorted and flat reality, finds in your company a comfort zone that makes him delirious.

Sadly, your heart and your judgment is still tied to Sixer—as if that brainiac cared at all!

Bill begins to drive Ford crazy; he feeds him extensive knowledge, possesses him more often to enjoy the benefits, and then alters his memories, making it difficult for him to know what is truth and what is a lie.

Where he can no longer meet your needs, Bill is always there to dazzle you.

You jumped in your seat, feeling your husband's warm hands wrap around your neck. Fingers, rough from machines and dust, caressed your skin awkwardly, drawing a chuckle from you. His breath came to you from above, as if he had just sighed in delight at your reaction. When you felt him rest his hands on your shoulders, you slowly brought one of yours to caress the back of his. You felt him tremble.

''I thought you were sleeping?'' you asked with genuine interest. ''Is everything all right? All these days you've been doing the same thing.''

''Do you mind, beautiful?''

You stifled a laugh.

''No, Ford, your company would never be a bother to me... Are you smelling my hair?''

‘’I just can’t get enough of you.’’

You felt him circle your body, delineating one of the chairs near you so he could relax his body in it. You didn't last long without his hands—as soon as he resumed his seat, you felt his fingers intertwining with yours. This time it was more consistent and comfortable; not like all those days where it seemed like your husband had forgotten how to use his own body.

''Oh, dear! Seeing you with these two orbs of nerves and membrane is amazing! You look even more dazzling.''

Although the comments without any context or sense were still there.

''I'm not that great,'' you said with a small laugh. A little shy. Ford didn't used to give you so many compliments. “How's your project going?’’

‘’That thing? Good, very good. Excellent, my dear! Maybe you could see for yourself—oh, well, you can't,'' he guffawed. ''Right. Whatever! Hey, uh, can I ask you a question?''

‘’Y-Yeah, sure, honey.’’ You cleared your throat. ‘’What’s the matter?’’

''Hypothetical scenario. You're married, but you're not quite fulfilled. Suppose someone comes along who is much better than your husband,'' he explained. ''He's smart, funny, multifunctional, powerful, extra-dimensional, or very soon will be, and also very stylish!'' Silence. Moments later an exclamation. ''Do you have a favorite color? His favorite color is yellow!''

‘’I… I mean, sorry, but I actually don’t understand at all where’s the question.’’

‘’Don’t be silly! Would you leave your husband for this entity—excuse me, for this person?''

‘’What?’’

‘’The heck.’’

Another booming laugh, and though you tried to accompany it with your own, the sound that came from you was choppy and awkward. This exchange was strange.

''I can't find a reason to leave my husband for this so-called mystery person,'' you replied. ''I am supposed to have married him for a reason which should be more than enough. Ford,'' you rushed on, ''is this regarding Mr. Cipher?''

''Why?'' he asked at once. ''Why do you think of him all of a sudden? Do you feel something forbidden about him in this marriage?''

''But of course not!''

''What do you mean ‘no’?!’’

His hands let go of yours. The chair in front of you seemed to be dragged, the wood against the floor squeaking with the sudden friction. The movement had taken you by surprise.

‘’Ford?’’

''Why are you so happy? Why, huh?'' he sighed, frustrated. ''Haven't I abandoned you every night in a freezing bed, while I prefer the company of machines? Cipher has been very kind to you and kept you company!''

''Ford, what are you—wait. Wait a moment... Bill, is this you?'' You covered your mouth, terrified at the discovery. Your companion didn't respond and you simply let out a shaky breath. ''Are you possessing my husband?’’

‘’Damn, that was fast.’’

‘’That’s awful!’’

"There was full consent!" added Bill with a chuckle. "This is a man-to-man thing, my pretty little fleshbag. Something between colleagues, plain and simple. You needn't fear—Bill Cipher is taking care of everything.”

"But it's horrendous anyway!" you exclaimed with your voice splitting. "It all makes sense now... The words, the touches, the way you acted—it was all a sham! You were using my husband!”

"Oh, please, little one. Wasn't it you who dreamed of being able to touch me?”

"You, not a substitute class using Stanford's body! Have you two been doing these kinds of exchanges all along?”

"It's just that there was a change of plans!”

“A change? What—”

“I mean, I tried to kill you; but it's not that easy now,” he laughed.

You tried to calm your breathing. Your heart was beating painfully against your chest, and your whole body was trembling. This wasn't right, obviously. It was like a vivid nightmare.

“Not that I want to do it, of course.”

“Why?” you asked after a long silence.

You felt the presence of your husband's body very close to you. A pair of hands rested on your cheeks, caressing them with his fingers very softly; the touches getting lost under the trembling of your figure when you heard again a sigh of delight. Something was up.

“You know,” he whispered, “I think we could make a deal. A little, pretty one, and just for you.”

“A deal? A deal with a demon, you mean. No, thank you.”

“Oh, come on! It will be fun!”

“And it makes no sense.”

Bill turned away from you, returning to his chair to take a seat across from your body.

"What exactly is it that Ford gives you that I can't manage to satisfy? Because very soon the little project will be complete, and I will have full disposal of many wonderful tricks to take care of you, my dear," he continued. "An eternity together! We'll be able to create and tell thousands of new stories; to travel across the world and let you experience hundreds of new sensations. We'll be unstoppable! Incomparable!”

"That's not the way things work, Bill…”

"Things work because of the strongest. I will soon be the only one with that title.”

"What will happen to Ford?" you asked haltingly. "What will you do to my husband?”

"He's my co-worker, dear.”

"You're hiding something from me.”

"So what if it is? He doesn't matter here! It's our time... You're mine.”

The way your husband's voice was beginning to distort sent a shiver through your body. You loved Ford—you missed him. The idea that you had been kissing the lips of a man possessed a couple of days ago was turning your stomach. Your silence seemed to feed something inside the demon; his voice thundered, totally changed, across the room.

"A few weeks ago you said you missed the stars," added Bill. "The last time you saw them was when you were a teenager. I miss the stars too—the ones I saw with a different eye. It's not the same anymore. Nothing is, since..." Silence. You didn't dare interrupt the creature who seemed to be drowning in bitter memory. It took him a while to pull himself together; a split laugh piercing your ears like an arrow. "Oh, the misery! I thought it repulsive the way you two looked so united over something so pathetic. Anyway, what does the past matter now, what does misery matter! There's no such thing being with Bill Cipher. You'll want for nothing.”

"I refuse, Bill.”

"And I refuse too," he laughed. "See? We can play the same game, silly. I don't recommend testing my patience, though.”

The touch of palms against the warm skin of your neck took you by surprise. The roughness of those fingers you loved so much were now forbidding you to breathe; the softness of moist lips pressing against yours, taking advantage of the way you parted yours to find a sliver of air. You soon struggled against your husband's body, desperate to deny the foreign tongue that flicked unseemly and inexperienced inside you. Bill was drowning in an unfamiliar feeling that felt too good. You were soft, fragile. Your flesh was tender and warm, quivering like an animal about to die—he was going to devour it to the bone. Was this what Ford had been doing with you? You liked it?

He could kill you. He could end your life when the portal was complete; he could take advantage of Ford, as he had been doing all this time, and keep the prize all to himself. Why was it so hard? What was it you had done to him? Was Ford a victim too? The thought burned like a fierce fury at the back of his mind—jealousy once again. The need to own even the crumbs. Ford wouldn't have the right to be your victim anymore. This feeling was too good for that brainiac to understand, surely he never did.

But Bill understood everything. He was incomparable. He could dominate your life and hold the reins as well as Ford had been doing. No. Cipher was going to do better! Did you miss your husband's domination? Bill would be your ruler; he would destroy obstacles and build better ones to keep you in check. Maybe a little training and you'd become a beautiful little bag of flesh and muscle—tight, warm and obedient. And who knows if you'd end up exceeding his expectations! Who knows if a little gift occupying your orbs would give you the chance to enjoy the same star-studded sky together.

"Don't think too much," whispered Bill pantingly. "There's plenty of other things to do than something as dull as that. Don't worry your pretty little head.”

You shook your head, surrendered to crying. Your husband's hands had left your neck, but now they wrapped around your wet cheeks, offering shy caresses.

"From now on you're going to use it when I say so. Everything will be that way, and you know why?”

A crooked laugh vibrated against his chest, reaching you through his hands.

"Because now you will be my new pet. A special one! The best of them all… You could say ‘muse’, even. Isn't that beautiful, dear?”

A cold kiss. The last one.

“Aren't you, above all, beautiful too?”

[pupyuj]

hiiii! I just came across your writing in one of the tags, and I have to say it is AMAZINGG!

I was wondering if you could write a blurb aht this, as I've been having the BIGGEST wonyoung brainrot everrrr:

so, why can I imagine dom g!p wonyoung × sub!fem who gets spoiled rotten by wonyoung, anything that she says she wants, it'll be there the next day! anything she even looks at for more than 5 seconds, she'll have it! Wony spoiling her with not only the things they like, but also with her love, kissing them almost everytime she thinks of them, laying their head in her lap, or even just letting them sit on her lap while she works.

but along with this love comes the need for her baby to be obedient, but you deciding to be a brat, would go make things south! you just suddenly talking back to wonyoung one day, walking away from her and she's just like "??" and she kets it slide a few times, but then she's had enough and drags you to her bed! edging you with her fingers till you aren't sobbing! oh! and! omg! cunt slaps with wonyoung, making you anticipate at which second its gonna happen, but you can never be too sure, with the cool wind grazing your clit, and wonyoungs harsh grip on your thighs, and her stare has you already whimpering!

WELL YES EXACTLYSFDHJDD 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 also omfg I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THE G!P PART AND ONLY REMEMBERED IT BY THE TIME I FINISHED WRITING 😭 very sorry anon, but i hope you still enjoyed this 💔💔

we all know wony would just love spoiling her loved ones—it’s her love language! gifts, affection, sweet words whatever it is wony will always be willing to give it to you even without asking 🥺 usually you deserve it anyway.. always listening well to wony and doing whatever it is she asks of you.. things like that is why you’re allowed to ‘bother’ her 👀 ‘bother’ being kissing her neck and grinding on her with a pleading look in your eyes while she’s in the middle of an important phone call (to which she just smirks at you and doesn’t even touch you, making you whine which she likes a lot), discreetly touching her during the gathering and parties she brings you to bcs you needed her to fuck you so bad but she couldn’t be bothered bcs she was talking with her friends.. ofc this was not you being impatient or disrespectful, you were just needy :((

but hey, wonyoung never gets annoyed of it all 🥰 in fact, she’s more than willing to give you what you need when she finally has the time.. bcs at least you weren’t complaining and being a bad girl! but when you are a bad girl though?? wony isn't very nice! she has no patience for that kind of behavior, especially not from her baby who she expects to be good all the time! 😤😤 she understands that you have your own bad days but you were usually just even more cute and cuddly... so imagine her confusion when you just start acting like a huge brat?? unacceptable!

when you gave her a look after she asked you to do one simple thing, she decided that it was the last straw! and so you're dragged you to your shared bedroom by your hair and wony sits you down nicely on the bed with the clear intent to punish you out of that bratty attitude 🫣 tying you up and completely restraining you to the point where you can’t move a single inch :(( hands behind your back, legs spread wide open waiting in fear as you watch wony look through her drawers full of toys… as terrified as you were, you couldn’t help but feel a pinch of excitement course through you! wonyoung doesn’t get why there was that glint of eagerness in your eyes when she approached you with some toys in hand—you usually felt horrible when you were being punished bcs you hated disobeying her,,, but wonyoung isn’t complaining! perhaps she can get used to you being a brat.. but that’s a practice for later bcs you just pissed her off and she needs to set you straight before you start getting brave 🫠🫠

her making you sit on a vibrator while she touches you everywhere but your pussy :(( "what? need your cunt filled up, hon? bad girls have to be punished first..." she whispers while she plays with your tits so excruciatingly gently?? barely pinching your nipples even though you're practically begging her to squeeze and grope and shit like that,, wony finding so much joy in tormenting you by increasing the toy's speed at random times but then slowing it down once she sees that you're having too much fun... it comes to the point where tears squeeze out of your eyes but wony doesn't stop! even when you were close to cumming! it felt shameful, wanting to cum to a vibrator instead of her fingers but she makes you sit on it for such a long time, it was nearly impossible to hold it in! :(( and so you end up cumming... but that was a really terrible idea! 🫢

now.. cunt slapping and wonyoung is literally a match made in heaven idc it's too perfect!! her being so annoyed that you completely disregarded her demand that you 'hold it in' and so she resorts to punishments that inflicted pain?? her hitting your sensitive clit,, every fall of her hand making you flinch and jump when she slaps the hard bud.. your slurred strings of apologies and "please" only fed her anger... "gonna think twice before getting brave at me again, right? gonna be a good girl? answer." she says through gritted teeth.. the one hand keeping your legs apart didn't lack in giving you pain... you felt her long nails pierce your skin, nearly making you bleed and wonyoung's grip tightened every second you spent sobbing instead of talking to her... nods weren't enough! nope, you had to speak 💔💔

"s-s-sorry, mommy... i'm sorry, please..! please, i'll be good.." that took all of your strength and wony was so proud! :(( proud enough that she finally fills you full of her fingers and brings you to that climax you kept begging for! see? all you needed to do was be good 💞 but that was an otherwordly experience so being a brat for no reason just to get wonyoung to be scarier, hotter, and meaner might just be worth it 👀👀

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

One show ends this week, but there are several more on the way, including a surprising adaptation. Of the six shows airing now, five are streaming weekly on Gaga and the other is available via fansub.

Takara's Treasure

I. LOVE. THEM. Their little bird watching date was precious and I loved every moment of it, including Taishin's adorable outfit and over preparedness, Takara's secret smiles, and the patient search for the wallet. I was so relieved that Taishin named his fears about them not being suited upfront instead of letting it grow into a huge anxiety in his own head, and I was also happy Takara was eager to speak with him about his impending relocation. That said, NOOOOOOOO I don't want a forced separation and time skip, show. Please I am begging.

Cosmetic Playlover

This was my favorite week for this show by far, because they actually let us see the relationship at its center! I enjoyed finally spending some time with these two as a couple, though I still find the timing and sequencing of these plots confusing as hell. Last week Sahashi gave Mamiya keys to his place and it was implied they'd been dating for quite awhile and were already serious, but this week we learn Mamiya has never spent the night and they are only just having sex for the first time. It was a real record scratch for me; I can't get my bearings in this relationship trajectory with all the gaps in the story. But hey, at least they finally let them make out a little! For a show that sold itself as toxic sexy, there has been very little toxicity or sex, tbh.

I Hear the Sunspot

*rubs temples* This show is really testing my patience. I got excited last week when Kohei and Taichi finally had a real conversation and it seemed like we were moving forward, but this week we're back to treading water. This story did not need 12 episodes; this pacing, while faithful to the manga as I understand it, does not work well for weekly live action. It's been weeks since we've learned anything new about these characters or advanced the central relationship, and the show continues to stumble with its confused depiction of Maya. I just want this show to pull together and finish strong, because I think a lot of this will be much more tolerable on a binge watch. For now I will just gaze at Kohei's beautiful smiling face and hope for a full recovery.

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko

I said last week that the show had gotten so muddled I didn't think they'd be able to end well, and even with those very low expectations this finale still managed to get underneath them. The last several episodes made a mess of the characters, the conflict, and the themes of the show, and to add insult to injury, they capped it all off with angle kisses, a time skip, and a bizarre sex negative ending that had our "boob monster" adult lesbian refusing to have sex with her girlfriend for over a year so she could "cherish" her before randomly kissing her at the office as if that was the important resolution we'd been waiting for. A truly horrid ending that ruined everything this show did so well in its early episodes. I don't understand!! Big sigh and fingers crossed for a decent sexy gl sometime in the near future.

Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

I've just been beaming and staring into space for the last several minutes after finishing this episode. No matter what else happens in the shows, I love knowing I am always going to end my week in jql on a good note while this gem is airing. This week marked a transition point for Ishida and Mitsuya, as Ishida had a great conversation with Noguchi, found a new passion and put in for a job transfer, and had his final meeting and meal with Mitsuya as writer and editor. Which they immediately followed with a date and mutual acknowledgment of the feelings between them! And what a fantastic date it was, with every moment so invigorating and wonderfully adult. Mitsuya's quiet confidence and amusement at Ishida's nerves, Ishida's clarity on how he wants Mitsuya to see him, the mutual compliments and gestures and smiles and eye contact, ahhhhhhhhh. I also loved that Ishida got to be the one to show Mitsuya something new at the end, to get him to run with joy for the first time in ages and introduce him to a new food. I am so excited to see their dating era begin in earnest. You can find the episode with subtitles courtesy of @isaksbestpillow here.

Tagging @bengiyo to add this week's anime update.

[lilgarbitch]

Running in Circles- One

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader

CW: Slight angst, slight fluff, anxiety...I think that's all so far

Word count: 6k

Author's note: This is the first story I've written in a very long time so I will take any criticism given. This is also the first time I've written anything on Tumblr so bear with me as I figure all of this out. I just missed writing so much and discovered how beautifully organized this site is compared to others so I gave it a go, and I hope you all enjoy<3

Y/N

I sit hunched over, elbows resting on my knees as my leg rapidly bounced up and down. My chin was rested on my fist, with a stressed scowl covering my face as I sit in the lounge area of our tour bus. I realize I’m shaking my whole body by bouncing but I truly don’t care, it eased the racing thoughts of the show we’re about to play. 

Tommy walks into the living area and gives me a slightly pained look, I try to sit up and let his presence distract me from the stress, waiting for hum to say something, but it just takes over my body once again and I fall back against my seat with a loud huff and shut my eyes. 

“I know you always get stressed out for shows, but…Hun..” he sends a small pout my way, “you look like you haven’t slept. You’ve been dreaming of us touring with someone big for so long…But it almost looks like you’re regretting it.” Tommy looks at me with pity filled eyes. 

I let out a long exhale, rubbing my hands against my fishnet-covered thighs, trying to soothe myself. 

“I am excited, trust me. I-” I pause to squeeze my eyes shut and try to push the stress away again. “I just… can’t wrap my head around it…especially who we’re touring with.” 

He gives me a look telling me that he was slightly confused. I had never fully explained myself to Tommy. He knows nothing about what’s truly been on my mind for the past few years. He doesn’t know who I write about in my lyrics. And there’s a reason for it. It’s utterly embarrassing for me to say any of it out loud. 

I wave him off with a small ‘it’s nothing’ before getting up and pacing around the tour bus. We were about a half hour away from the venue for the first show of our first big tour. I look at myself in the mirror and run back to my bag, deciding to change my outfit once more. I just want to feel good enough for first impressions with the band, so I can’t have myself thinking too much about my appearance. I look through my bag, look down at myself, then back at my bag. I grab my phone and check the weather before picking out a few pieces of clothing and walking back to the seating area. Anthony now sitting with Tommy. 

“Is Cam still sleeping?” I ask, my mind getting sidetracked, seeing all my bandmates but my drummer. 

“No, he’s in the back playing on his phone,” Tony absentmindedly replies, staring out the window. I give him a nod before remembering what I was holding. 

“Okay, so. It’s going to be a little chilly out today, but I’m sticking to my skort and fishnets. Do I wear my sweater-” I say holding up my oversized knitted sweater, “Or my lace top with a cardigan?” I proceed to hold that pairing up. Tony turns to me and eyes both choices and you can almost see the gears turning in his head as he visualizes what both outfits would look like, causing a small humorous smirk to form on my face. 

I glance towards Tommy and he’s tapping a finger against his chin, before replying, “The sweater would be warmer, yeah?” and I nod. “That one, then.” 

“Dude, I’m asking which would look better, not which I would survive better in” I laugh. I love my band. I can fully say that I view everyone in the group as my family. My brothers. But it has reached a point where I am purely treated as a little sister and not their lead singer. 

I turn back to Tony as he’s still deep in thought, but he finally spoke. 

“I agree. But only because the lace top with the fishnets may clash, and the sweater still lets your neck tattoos show,” he answers as if I gave him a pop quiz. I giggle before turning around and heading to change. I look at my outfit after, and agree with Tony. The short skort shows off my leg tattoos which I hate covering up, and the sweater covers enough to keep me warm, but shows off the cybersigilism print on the front of my throat, the barbed wire on my left collar bone as it hangs down on that shoulder, and the sleeves, even though are a little too long, I rolled them up enough so they aren’t going to get in the way, and so they show off the detailed skull on my left hand and the more cybersigilism print flowing onto my right. 

I give myself a final look over in the mirror, take account of if I’m comfortable enough, and if there’s anything I’m going to think too much about out of insecurity. Giving a small smile to myself in my reflection, I leave the bathroom and walk towards the front. 

“ETA 5 MINUTES” Cameron shouted from behind me, both scaring me and bringing the dreaded stress and fear back into my body. I let out a small shriek and Cam laughs out an apology, patting my back as he passes me and goes to sit with the rest of the boys. With a long exhale, I sit down with them all as we pull down a dirt road and head towards the bus park. We have 3 hours until doors even open, so I let out a sigh of relief that I see no other busses around as our bus halts to a stop. Maybe I can eye this place out and find a good place to relax (aka finding good hiding spots to get away from everyone when things get too much.) 

I feel a small pat on my shoulder, waking me from my daze as the boys get up and start heading out of the bus. I stand and follow, trying my hardest to calm my nerves. If this was a situation where I was just a fangirl about to perform with her favorite band, this would be so much easier. But it’s not. 

We all step about and stretch our legs, finally feeling solid ground after hours and hours on a tour bus. Feeling better, I head off towards the venue, stopping as I notice something in the distance, towards the front of the venue. A group of people forming, getting here early for the concert which caused a wave of confidence to rush over me. Even though I know most are here for Bad Omens, they’re here early. Meaning they still want to see our band, whether they know anything about us or are just open to new music. I walk further until I’m heading in through the back doors. I eye up the green rooms and backstage. I search out all available bathrooms because it’s always good to know. And then I walk towards the actual stage, seeing where I will be performing today.

Our crew should be pulling up any minute now so I start mentally mapping out where everything will go.

Suddenly, I heard doors opening and footsteps behind me, making me jump, but when I turned around, I was thankful it was just the boys and our crew carrying our things in. I grab my custom mic stand (that I just had to splurge on for this tour) and walk with everyone onto the stage and help set up what I can. We thankfully have a large enough crew, so the boys and I are eventually able to walk away and scope out the area more. 

Once we finally felt settled in enough, knowing where everything we need is, we stepped outside for some fresh air and to let off some pent-up stress and emotions that we didn’t need on stage. 

A few feet from me, Tommy and Tony are chatting about whatever the hell guitarists talk about, occasionally letting out their practice growls, as they’re my backup vocalists for a few parts of songs, while Cam and I are doing an odd preshow ritual that we started way back when. I’m doing my vocal exercise, making sure my screams and growls are up to par for today, while also making sure I can hit my clean vocals well, with Cam letting me know if anything sounds harsh. And while I do all of this, I have my hands extended out, palms up, with Cam beating on them with his fingers like drums. It’s a good exercise for both of us, as we need to be able to do our own thing, while listening to the other to make sure we work together, but also so we don’t get distracted by external noise. 

We get so stuck in our own zone that we, or I guess mostly I don’t even notice the other tour bus pull up close to ours. Cam stops beating on my hands, bringing me back to reality as I look up at him. I follow his eyes and land on the new bus in the lot. I instantly feel my heart and stomach drop down to my ass. My breathing stops as I see a few heads starting to file out of the bus. They don’t immediately see us, but when they do, they send a wave and a smile. 

At first, I only see long, slightly messy hair, instantly recognizing it as Jolly, Mr. Joakim Karlsson himself. Tommy and I have talked about him a lot, just pure adoration of how he plays. Tommy has even become good friends with him over the last few year, helping us even get this spot on the tour. Then I see one of the Nicks. Nick Folio, the drummer, causing Cam to leave my side and immediately use his gift of being an extrovert to walk up and start chatting with him. Next to him was the other Nick, Nick Ruffilo, their bassist, who had the sweetest smile on his face as he waved to all of us, and we just couldn’t help but mirror his actions. 

But now, the stress was fully hitting me. It hit me that the only way I could get through today and even the rest of the tour was to do what I do best. Put on a complete front when stressed. It was what I’ve always done when I was in uncomfortable situations. Even in childhood, I could pretend to be someone who was completely not myself, just so no one would see what I was truly feeling. I know it’s going to throw my bandmates off guard, but they’ll catch on. Unless I want to look like a maniac to the new group, I can’t let my true feelings show. 

As I was planning out in my head my plan, thinking of ways to make it foolproof, the man of the day stepped off the bus. With hair like Levi Ackerman, looking beautifully styled even though you could tell the only thing he’s done was run his hands through it. With his arm and throat tattoos on full display as if I were walking around a goddamn art piece. He looked ethereal. To me, at least. I now realized that I had once again fully stopped breathing and forced myself to calm down. Before Noah could even glance my way, I slowly backed up toward Tommy, letting him know that I was going to be right back, trying my hardest to sound okay and not cause any concern. With that, I sneakily slipped past him, praying that no one saw how suspicious it looked, and sped walked back towards the venue, to a bathroom as far out of reach as possible.

I walked in and locked the door behind me. My breath started picking up and I immediately did everything I could to stop a panic attack from fronting. I ran my hands under cold water, trying to shock my body back to reality. I did my breathing exercises. I did everything I could. But the second I glanced at myself in the mirror, it was as if I allowed my brain to go back in time. 

I couldn’t be happier right now. Tommy and I were walking around a metal festival. I had just forced him to watch Erra’s set with me and now he was taking me to see a band he had listened to here and there. He was excited to show them to me and I was just happy to be here, seeing bands I love and seeing new artists that I would absolutely be adding to playlists tonight. We stopped and stood in a spot where we thought would be perfect. There were a few people in front of us, but we were close enough to the barricade and stage that we could see the whole show perfectly. 

While we waited for their set to start, Tommy and I chatted about the bands we had seen that day. We both mentioned a few we enjoyed that we never heard before, then talked about how some bands put on performances that we either loved or thought could have been a lot better. We even threw some ideas back and forth of what we saw and heard that could be implemented into our own band. We were just joking, giggling, and having the best time. It was a little sad that we had to wait until the next day of the festival for Tony and Cam to join us, but I truly enjoyed spending today with just Tommy, as I definitely felt closest to him out of all of them, knowing him a lot longer than the others.

We were talking about the lineup for tomorrow and what bands we wanted to see and who we wanted to show to Tony and Cam. I was mid-sentence when I heard people beginning to cheer around us, which brought a giant smile to my face, out of complete and utter love for the environment at concerts, and then to glance up at the stage, trying to see who had stepped out. It was the drummer. He was cute. He flashed the crowd a sweet smile, waving at everyone, before sitting behind his drum set. Then came the guitarist and bassist. I eyed all three up and down, a little shocked at how attractive everyone was, but also knowing Tommy, it made a lot of sense as to why he wanted to be so close to the stage. 

The three of them got everything ready, and I was about to turn to Tommy to mention how hot they all looked when the voice in my throat died and my body stiffened as the lead singer walked on stage. No words could explain the feeling that overwhelmed my body as I saw that confident, long-haired man stand right before me. 

He started addressing the crowd, hyping everyone up, including Tommy, but I didn't hear a single word he said. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t regain control over my body. I did my best to shake out the stiffness, trying my hardest to look like a normal person in the crowd, but there was nothing I could do to get my brain to start working again. 

I watched as he moved around the stage. I could see the love that he had for performing. But absolutely nothing could knock me out of the daze I was in. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. The emotions were so foreign. I completely forgot where I was after a while. The only thing my brain allowed me to focus on was him. Everything about him. I felt like an owl, using all my senses to focus on every single thing he did. I knew I probably looked like a madman, or at least I felt like one, but there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop myself. 

After some time, probably a few songs, he was closer to the crowd, looking through it as he sang, and we locked eyes for a moment. But it almost seemed like he did a double take, before forcing himself to go back to serenading the whole crowd. It was most definitely because I looked utterly insane, but in that moment, I didn’t care. The feeling that shot through my body when we did make eye contact was like nothing I had ever felt before. 

Time moved by at such a weird pace in my daze, so before I knew it, the set was over and he was thanking the crowd and the festival for having them. As he bowed and was about to leave the stage, our eyes locked again, and a shiver was sent through my body. I saw him blink a few times before sending a final wave to the crowd and walking off stage. 

The second he was no longer in my line of sight, reality finally came back to me. I blinked a few times and let out a deep breath as if I had been holding it the entire time. Tommy started talking and caught my attention, so I turned to him as if nothing happened. 

“So… what’d you think?’ he asked, nudging my arm with a smirk. I gave him the best fake smile I could before replying, “Oh, that was amazing. Why didn’t you warn me about how hot everyone was?” which caused him to let out a chuckle.

“I figured it would be a good surprise.” he shrugged out as we walked away from the stage and towards the next set. My mind was racing a mile a minute but I tried my best to keep my composure as we continued to talk.

“So, who was your favorite?” Tommy randomly asked as we stood at a different stage, waiting for Of Mice and Men to start. 

“Uhh..” I trailed off, not wanting him to know I already had an answer. 

“It was Noah, wasn’t it.” he cut me off with a smirk. 

“Was that the-” 

“The singer? Yeah. I could totally see the heart eyes you got when I saw him look at you.” he laughed out, causing my face to redden. All I could do in response was nod. I mean, it’s a simple crush, wasn’t it? We all fall for random artists, so there’s no reason for me to feel weird about it. As long as I completely ignore the fact that what I just felt was nothing close to what I felt when I used to fangirl over boybands in middle school. 

A year later

‘This isn’t a normal crush.’ I kept repeating in my head. I was currently writing lyrics for new songs, trying to find emotions in me to write about, but all I could do was dwell on that feeling I got that day, and the feelings that came after it. 

I look at my paper filled with messy writing, which was surrounded by other papers of the same misfortune, all with the same feeling behind it. One talking about losing control to a man who never knew me, another begging to “be his sweet dreams.” My eyes land on another, catching the words, ‘I want to feel your heartbeat on mine,’ causing me to let out a loud groan and fall back into my chair. I rub my hands down my face and let out a dry sob. I was so tired of this. I’ve become a fucking cliche.

I heard footsteps behind me and turned to see Anthony with a small sheepish smile on his face. He crouched down next to my chair and looked up at me. 

“Do you need some help?” I know he thinks my frustration is coming from the struggle of writing, and not who I’m writing about, and I’m going to keep it that way. 

“Please. I can’t keep looking at these. And if anyone could help me, it’s going to be the other hopeless romantic in this band.” I answer with a sad chuckle. He nods and motions me to stand up so he can sit at my desk. I do so, sitting in a chair a few feet away and just staring up at the ceiling as I hear him rustle the papers around. 

“Oh for fucks sake, dude, who the hell are you writing about,” he asks rhetorically. He knows I never answer, the embarrassment being too much, so I just reply with a tired giggle and let him do what he can to fix this part of my mess. 

I blink a few times, finally back in the bathroom. Reality crashing into me, finally grounding me once again. My hands are cramping as I look down and see that I’ve been gripping the sink so harshly, I don’t know how I didn’t break it. I loosen my grip and stand up straight, shaking off my nerves. I take an actual look at myself in the mirror, fix my makeup with my finger a little, before taking a deep breath and unlocking the door, ready to at least confront today. I can deal with the future later. I run my plan in my head a little, deciding that I can at least pretend to be an extrovert for a little while, just to ease the awkward tension that I know will build if I keep acting this way. 

I walk back through the hallway of the venue, then outside, towards the group of guys who were all chatting, and let out one last exhale of stress before putting on my confident front and joining the rest of them. 

Thankfully, it seems I was gone for barely 10 minutes, as their crew bus wasn’t even here yet and they’re still chatting about interests and things they have in common. I walk close enough that I have now caught the attention of a few of them, and I give them the best confident smile that I can. I walk towards the other band of boys and give them a small wave. 

“You must be Joakim!” I say, him giving me a proud smile for using his real name, and I internally thank myself for pronouncing it correctly. I give him a small side hug, feeling comfortable with him since I know that he and Tommy have become good friends lately, and I would love to be one as well. I then face to his right. 

“And you must be the Nicks! Uhhh Folio and…” I pause and fake to look at my hand like I was reading something, then quickly back up at them, “Ruffilo!’ I say with a smile. They give me a teasing look, making me break. I show them my hand, laughing, it not having anything more than my tattoos on it.

“I’m kidding, guys. I am really happy to meet you all and have been looking forward to this ever since I heard we were going to be doing shows with you.” I give them both a warm smile as I give Ruffilo’s arm a friendly squeeze. They both chuckle at my terrible joke, making me feel good that I’m at least breaking the ice well enough. I’d rather embarrass myself through my jokes than my feelings. But here comes the hard part. I take the deepest breath I could through my nose so they can’t tell how hard this is for me. I take a few steps to their right and meet face-to-face with Noah. I hold my arms behind my back, knowing that my hands are definitely shaking right now, and give him a warm smile. 

“And you must be the famous Noah Sebastian.” I try giving him my warmest smile and a small nod of acknowledgment. His mouth parted slightly before closing and giving me a fake warm smile back. Almost completely mirroring mine. 

“And you must be Y/N.” my breath softly hitches as I hear his deep smooth voice, and it being directed towards me was causing small shivers down my spine. I play it as cool as I can and nod before he continues, now facing my whole band.

“We’re really excited to play with you guys. We’ve actually listened to Praising Deities for a while, even before Thomas and Jolly met. So I was super excited to hear that our teams were able to come together and make this happen. And I truly hope that we all enjoy spending the next few months together and become good friends.” He finishes, giving us all a warm smile, his eyes trailing over all of us, but lingering on me the longest, making my heart race.  

Tommy, Tony, and Cam all thank him and continue on with compliments and getting to know the other band, Jolly and the Nicks responding back the same way. But that just left Noah and I alone in our own little worlds. We listened to the others chat about things, occasionally answering if someone asked us something, but we didn’t contribute much. I couldn’t get my mind away from the thought that I was barely a foot away from the man that has been infiltrating my thoughts daily for the past few years. 

At some point, I guess I had dazed off, thinking about anything and everything and just staring down at the ground while everyone chatted. It went on for a few minutes before I felt someone to my left nudge me. I blinked a few times before turning to them, only for my eyes to widen slightly, seeing that it was Noah and that he was closer than ever before. He leans down until his face is near my ear.

“You alright?” He mumbles into my ear, sending shivers down my spine, once again, at how deep his voice got when he was trying to keep quiet. I take a deep breath before giving a half-assed nod. He clears his throat, standing up straight, and then places a hand on my lower back, pushing me through the crowd of our bandmates. I really didn’t know how to react, so I just let him, until we were far enough from them that we could have our own conversation. When he stopped, I looked up at him, slightly confused. 

“I- uh I just figured you needed to get out of there. I was starting to get overwhelmed and saw you staring off in the distance, so I figured you needed a way out of there as well.” He answered my silent question, rubbing his tattooed hand on the back of his neck, almost looking shy. 

“Oh!” I let out a fake airy laugh. “ Yeah, I uh just have a lot on my mind… I was honestly waiting for our manager to come out and tell us to do our soundcheck, just something to get away from the questions. I..uh..it’s been a stressful day, so as much as I’d love to have a good chat with all of you, it’s probably going to have to wait until I’m more settled in with..all of this,” I finish, motioning to the tour busses and venue. He seems to be listening intently when I talk and gives me a small nod when I finished. 

“No, I get it. To be completely honest, I still get anxious on the first show of a tour..” he pauses for a moment, before looking like he had an idea. “Here. You go head inside, I’ll be right back.” He quickly moves towards his tour bus. I shoot him a confused look but realized he was already so far away, so I just do what he says and start walking back inside. On my walk in, I continue my deep thinking. How I’m actually really happy that I’m playing off my anxiety toward him super well, and was surprisingly able to have a conversation with him without freaking out. And I was especially thankful that he had more confidence than me, actually starting the conversation. Maybe I can survive this. Maybe I can get over all these weird feelings over the next few months. I mean, having a natural human conversation with him seems to be okay for me, so hopefully my brain will start seeing him as a normal everyday person…right?

Still deep in thought, I make it inside and head towards the backstage area. As I walk, my reflection catches my eye, and I turn and take a good look at myself in the full-length mirror they have in there. “I look sane enough” I quietly tell myself as I fix my outfit a little before letting out a deep breath, forcing the rest of the stress out of me. I’m glad I put extra thought into my outfit today. I know I’m gonna have days where I’ll jyst want to put something comfy on to perform, but with first impressions and it being the first day of the tour, I’m pretty proud of my appearance.

Since it was the first day, and I liked my look, I pulled out my phone and took a quick picture (or a few, trying to find the right pose) and then headed towards the couch. I open Instagram and click on the picture I like the most. One where my tattoos show and the lighting was good enough. Then I type, “Day 1 jitters slowly easing away. Can’t wait to see you all out there <3” in the caption, making a face at how that was somehow the best idea for a caption I could come up with, but not really caring and hitting post anyway, after tagging the band’s account. 

Almost instantly, I started getting likes and comments and was about to put my phone away until a few caught my eye. They all mentioned Noah. Some asking weird personal questions, some wanting to see how we were all getting along, and some even asking when a collab was happening, which made me chuckle. Then I saw a few with account names that had either ‘Bad Omens’ or ‘Noah’s’ in them and each had some snarky comment to make. One mentioning how I was probably sleeping around since I was going to be touring with 7 other boys, which I just rolled my eyes at. If it hasn’t happened yet, I doubt I was ever going to do anything like that. I don’t like mixing work and play, and I absolutely would never see any of my boys like that. The thought alone made me grimace. 

But then I thought about it more. I’m going to be spending the next four months with Bad Omens. I’m going to be spending the next four months with Noah. Singing my songs. The songs I wrote..about Noah. Fuck.  And Noah is currently on his way here by himself. We’re going to hang out by ourselves…Why did I let him tell me to wait in here? What happened when speaking to him that I just forgot about the debilitating obsession I got all those years back. Hell, what am I even doing here?

Almost as if on cue, the doors open and I hear a single pair of footsteps walk towards me. My knee began to bounce and I tried my best to hide my attention in my phone as he got closer.

“Hey,” he said softly, not needing to be any louder since it was just me in here. I looked up from my phone and saw that he brought a Nintendo Switch with him. I giggled as the sight brought me out of my mental battle. Such a large, tatted man, looking down at me with excitement as he held a colorful, handheld gaming device. He walked closer to me until he sat down about a foot from me and gave me a smile, which I mirrored back as authentically as I could. 

“Whenever my nerves are getting bad, I always force one of the boys to play with me until soundcheck. So I figured..” he trailed off as he motioned the switch towards me. I let out a small laugh before responding. 

“You know, that might actually help. Are you sure you don’t have anything you have to be doing? I don’t want to be using up your time-” 

“No! I mean… I have a lot of time. You guys still have, what? An hour? before soundcheck, and I can do everything I need during that time’ he rushed out, catching me a little off guard a little, causing me to giggle. 

“Okay. Okay. If you say so.” I laugh out as I reach my hand out. He gives me a smile and places the controller in my hand before setting the body of the switch on the table in front of us. We go back and forth deciding on what game to play and eventually just settle on Mario Kart. 

Tommy

The boys and I chatted for a good 20 minutes or so, or what I thought was only 20 minutes, before we realized that Y/N and Noah never came back. I noticed first, then slowly the rest of them did, a few of us sending each other confused glances before Tony mentioned needing to look for them, as we probably had to get ready soon. I agreed and we all started walking back.

We all headed towards the door to the back of the venue, Cam being the one to open it. As soon as we stepped inside, we all heard arguing, causing a few of us to share concerned looks before speed walking towards the voices, leading us to the room backstage. The second we got close enough, we saw Y/N leaning over Noah, trying to knock a tiny switch controller out of his hands, as he was yelling about how she was cheating. 

“WHY’D YOU PICK RAINBOW ROAD FOR YOUR TURN, JACKASS! YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW THE TRACK WELL! SO YOU’RE THE CHEATER!” Y/N yells, still occasionally elbowing Noah’s arm, but his tight grip on the controller and focus on the screen not faltering once. Noah’s laughing more and more every time she tries messing with him. 

“YOU’RE LITERALLY TOUCHING MY CONTROLLER! THAT’S AGAINST THE RULES!” Noah yells back as he starts shouldering her back into her spot. The boys and I just watch in awe as these two argue over a racing game, which I do fully understand, especially since I have played against Y/N before and boy, does she get competitive. I see Y/N catch us in the corner of her eye and she smirks. 

“Noah, the boys are here for you,” she tells him, and the second he glances up at us, she instantly smacks the controller out of his hands, it landing on the thankfully carpeted floor, and she lets out an almost evil cackle. Noah shouts as he loses the controller and immediately reaches for it as fast as he can. He sits back up, fumbling with the controller to get a good hold of it, and goes back to playing, only to let out a ‘WHAT THE FUCK’ which causes her to laugh even harder. 

“I WAS IN SECOND PLACE AND NOW I’M IN TENTH,” Noah shouts towards her before turning towards us. “She is vicious!” he warns us, causing all of us, but mainly Tony, Cam and I to just laugh because if anyone already knew that, it was us. Cam and Ruffilo walk closer to them, standing on each side of them, watching as they finish the race. I can tell by the teasing scowl on Ruffilo’s face and the excitement in Cam’s that Y/N was winning. After a few moments, with Noah and Y/N looking like they were both about to fall out of their seat, Y/N jumps up and Noah falls back as Cam and Y/N cheer and high-five each other. The boys and I all clap for her and she gives an over-the-top bowing performance, before turning to Noah, who’s throwing a fake pity party. This causes her to sit back down and try to ease her laughter. 

“Awe, I’m sorry, Noah,” she says with a fake pout. He lets out a huff in response, causing her to have to stifle a giggle. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the stage manager walking towards us, and I look over to Y/N. The movement catches her eye as well as she glances at us, getting the hint that we need to head for soundcheck. She stands and walks around Noah so he’s looking at her and leans down. 

“I’ll make this up to you next time,” she tells him with a smile as she turns and walks away, Cam following her. As I was about to turn to follow, I managed to catch Noah’s eyes trailing down Y/N’s body, eyeing up her tattoos, and then just her, as she walked away. I had to hold back a snicker as Tony and I walked away from the group and headed on stage.

Part Two

[tan1shere]

Changes pt 2

Ellie Williams x female reader !

A/n: it's here at last ... I hope you all enjoy it I honestly don't have much to say but, pt 3 ? Also this whole idea was inspired by a show slightly, if you can guess what it is down below I'll give you a kiss 😁!!

Summary: Ellies the bad girl in the school but she takes a liking to the reader, everyone's worried but the reader somehow changes her for the better ... or does she ?

Warnings: drinking, smoking, the mention of drugs like once. Swearing ? Mentions of anxiety and a beginning panic attack ! Think that's all :)

Masterlist || pt 1 ! Pt 3 !

A few weeks had past, and your bond with Ellie grew even stronger. You spent most of your time with her, although that wasn't very liked by the people around you. "She's gunna hurt you Y/n." Your roommate, Angela warns for what felt like the hundredth time. You know you should probably listen, but maybe Ellie just hasn't been around the right sort of people. Maybe she's changed. You were convinced that's what it was. As you started to get to know Ellie you learnt she was actually quite smart. She knew so much, but she constantly turned up late to classes. Never paid attention. You were confused as to why, she was so talented and bright, why would anyone throw something like that away.

You were currently walking down the halls on your way to your favorite place, yes ofcourse the library. It was like your home away from home. As you walk in you spot Ellie sitting there, doing her usual dribbles and doodles. "Whatcha doin there?" You beam at her as you sit down in a chair close to hers. She looks up at you and gives you a smile. "Just sketching, nothing exciting." She continues to look at you as you get a few things out. "How's the book?" She asks, setting a pencil she held on the table infront of you both. "Its the best, I've been reading it non-stop." You smile more at the question. She just smiles at your smile. "Told you, it's such a good read." A silence filled the air, not an awkward one, or a comfortable one. Just a silence, one that was as if there was something still to be said. You could feel it, so you look up at her. She was just looking at you, admiringly. But for some reason she stops, clearing her throat a little bit and getting back to her drawing. Odd? Maybe a little.

Ellie knew she wasn't the relationship type. She knew she wasn't classed as 'good' she knew she flunked on many things. She knew this. So why does it feel like she's feeling something for you. That never happens, she uses people- as bad as that sounds she won't sugar coat it, she knows she's done wrong. Is she going to do it to you too? She had no idea and the thought honestly frightened her, she's never felt this way for anyone in her life. She needed to put those thoughts aside she couldn't fall. But oh how beautiful she thought you were. Your hair looked so well taken care of, perfect features. Not too much makeup just light amounts, your pretty skin and how soft it genuinely looked. Minding your own business as you read, focusing on what it is you're reading. She couldn't, this isn't good. Especially when she has no faith in herself to not hurt you. But she couldn't give it up, she wanted to be in your presence you were so sweet and inviting it made her feel warm.

She had to not give into all these feelings at all. "Ellie?" You tilt your head slightly to get a better look at her face. You two were currently in her room working on something that was assigned to the both of you. She wasn't paying attention which you found out was normal for her to tube out and go into her little land. "Yeah sorry, just thinking." You slowly nod, continuing to speak about the project. She let's out a sigh. "I'm sorry am I boring you?" You let out a light hearted giggle as you say that, she begins to get defensive. Worried she had hurt you in some way. "No no no, ofcourse not! The complete opposite. Sorry I'm just a bit tired." She admits. You still laugh a tiny bit. "I'm just being silly Els." She swallows. That name that you acquired recently, makes her insane.

But definitely in a good way, she loves it. Was she a fool for you or something. You go to speak again, but shut your mouth. It had been dawning on you, the question you wanted to ask so badly. So you just come out and ask. "Why are you always ditching classes, why aren't you applying yourself?" She looks directly at you as you say this. She just shrugs. "You're incredibly smart Ellie. I don't know why you're-" You continue, although she shuts it down. "I really don't want to talk about this." She blurts, making you shut up for a sec. "Yeah no ofcourse." Awkward silence, but she breaks it with yet another sigh. "I'm sorry that was harsh." You just shake your head. "No no, I shouldn't of been nosey, it's not my business." You give her a tiny smile. Yet again. More silence.

"Right well, we shou-" "you want a smoke?" You were stunned by the question. You watch as she gets up. It was a little upsetting to see her not care about this project. "Elli-" She turns around. "Oh yeah no ofcourse, I shouldn't of asked." "El-" But she wasn't done. "That was a silly question, you don't seem like the type to do th-" "ELLIE." The room went quiet, she just looks at you. "Will you just shut up for a second." You laugh slightly. "Why are you avoiding this project?" She shrugs. She really likes doing that, huh. "I dunno, it's stupid." You furrow your brows slightly. "But this would be so easy for you Els." Theres that name again. She begins to smoke whatever the fuck she is smoking, seemingly to ignore you. You roll your eyes a tiny bit, closing the books that you had in your grasp, while going to get up, and walk over to her. She watches you, continuing to smoke. However she wasn't expecting your next move.

You get on your tiptoes and snatch it out her hand. "Hey!" She stands up properly. You keep ahold of it. "I'll give it back once you do some of this work!" You laugh a bit. She looks at you. With a 'be so serious' look. "Like I can't just snatch it right back." She walks towards you slowly, making you back up. "Well I won't let ya." She lets out her own laugh. "Did you forget your hight?" You glare at her. "I am not, that short." She raises a brow, getting closer to you going to try grab it, but you swiftly move your arm so she can't. "I may be tiny but I'm smart." She goes to try again. "Yeah well so am I." Again, she tries and fails. "Well if you're so smart use it for the project." She completely ignores that deciding to bend down and put you over her shoulder. You let out a small screech, going to grip the cig a bit tighter so it doesn't fall.

She drops you on her bed being careful still, making you bounce slightly on the mattress. She goes for the cig now that you are more grounded, but yet again you move it so she couldn't. You let out a giggle at how difficult she's finding this. "Not funny, you." She tries. Again. You laugh more at her poor attempts. "Right that's it." She pins your arms down as you try get out of her grasp, but before she could do all that you put it in your mouth having it rest there. "Gunna have to unpin my arms if you want it." You mumble still having it against your lips. "You're trouble huh." You let out another laugh. She goes to unpin one of your arms and when she does you quickly grab te cigarette from your mouth and hold it above you.

You could see the slight frustration in her eyes, you try hard not to let another laugh slip. "Gimmie it." "Do the work." She stares at you for a moment. "Oh you wanna play games?" She wastes no time into tickling you. One thing she didn't know but definitely was going to find out is that you were incredibly ticklish. Your eyes widen. "No no noooo." She doesn't listen, continuing the assault to your sides, you squirm trying to escape it. "Ellie!" You let out constant giggles. She smirks seeing you weren't paying attention and snatching the cigarette right back into her grasp, sticking it back into her mouth. But she didn't stop tickling you. "Say you're sorry Missy!" You laugh more. "Hell no!" Shes close to you. "Then the tickling shall continue." You keep laughing and honestly. Ellie enjoys this.

She really enjoyed your laugh, she loved to hear it. The fact she could make you laugh so easily made her heart happy. She's never seen anyone else make you laugh like she has, and sometimes she doesn't even try. But she manages to always pull a laugh or giggle from your lips. "Ellie pleaseee." She shakes her head. "Stand down!" You laugh. "Fine fine I surrender, I'm sorry!" You're still laughing even when she's stopped. But like most times silence overcame this scene. It was never an awkward one though. You look at each other. "Can we do some of the project now." You ask her. She stays quiet for a bit. Pondering. "Come on Ellie, it's not much and it's not like you'd struggle or anything-" you cut your sentence short. You hadn't realized how close you two were, she's most definitely noticing this too. You swallow keeping the eye contact going.

But she takes the cigarette out, turns her head and blows some smoke, beginning to get off of you. "Can I ask you something?" You sit up a bit once shes off, nodding. "Yeah ofcourse." You were intrigued. "What do people tell you about me?" You look at her, wondering how to go about this. "They just tell me to be careful and such." Now you shrug, sitting up more into a criss cross position. "Can I ask a question now?" She looks at you and nods. "Why do they tell me that. What's so bad that you've done." That silence was upon the room again. Another famous Ellie sigh. "I'm not a completely great person, maybe I'm working on it I dunno. But I don't date. I can't it's just not in me." You listen to all she has to say. "Why?" Usually people who asked such questions would get shut down by her. But she genuinely wanted to tell you, she loved the way you'd listen, to anyone. The way you'd take in every detail of information. "I'm not too sure."

She sits on the bed with you. "I just don't know if I can bring myself to being committed to anyone. You know?" You nod, taking in what she has to say. "I dunno, maybe I haven't found the right person." You keep looking at her. "Hmm, maybe." Silence. "You think you ever could?" She sighs a tiny bit. "I could do, no way of truly telling until the time actually comes." "Noted." For the first time ever with you two, there was a slight awkwardness in the air. You wanted to say something to fix it but you just stay silent. "What about you?" You became confused by the question. "What about, me?" You inquire. "Yeah, you been with people? You a relationship kinda girl?" You laugh a tiny bit at the question. "I've been in a few, nothing serious but I definitely am a relationship girl." She nods, going to take one last drag of her cig, going to put it out in an ashtray on her windowsill.

It was a few days later, you were currently on your way to your dorm, Angie was out for the night so you had a hot date with your blankets and your book. As you were strolling down the halls you caught sight of a friend in your class, you smile at him. "Hey, kenny!" You say with joy. He returns the smile, coming over to you. "Hey Y/n, what you got planned for tonight?" "I'm going to relax, read and eat." You smile more. "How about you? Anything exciting?" He shrugs. "Probably going to chill also, or go to a party." You nod, knowing he was probably confused on why you were staying inside on a Friday night, you didn't really know each other very well so you aren't surprised if he is. "You keep to yourself alot huh?" You nod proud. "Sure do, keeps me sane." He laughs a tiny bit. "Well I mean not completely to yourself." You furrow your brows. "What do you mean?" He pauses for a sec, looking at you. "I see you with Williams alot." "Oh yeah, she's cool to hang out with." He doesn't say anything immediately.

"What are you two? Like fuck buddies or something?" More confusion. "Excuse me?" You laugh slightly. "Well I never see her with many people unless she's fucking them soo." You stare at him. "Do people think that? Like about me and her" He shrugs. "I know I do, maybe others. But what are you two?" Why was he so intrigued by it. You knew she didn't have a great rep but seriously? "Well shes a good friend." He thinks for a moment. "She don't have many of those." You were baffled by this man and what he had to say. "I guess you just truly don't know her then." You don't know why you felt so irritated by this, but you go to leave. "Don't start anything with her, you're too pure for her antics." You stop in your tracks, going to turn back around. "And don't judge a book by its cover." You simply state. "Bit hard when that cover hasn't had the best past." You sigh. "People change." "Not Williams. Trust me we all thought that once, there's no changing her-" you go to cut him off.

"What are you talking about." He looks at you as if he was the one confused now. "You don't know?" You shake your head. "This has happened before, she almost dated this girl who thought would change her, she shitted big time on her. She doesn't even go here anymore and it was all because of Williams." You didn't want to believe that, it sounded horrible. "I'm sure she didn't leave just because of that." There was a tiny pause. "Nope, definitely was. She broke that poor girls heart. Couldn't even bring herself to come back, so she moved. I'm just trying to save you from-" you shut that down immediately. "I can handle myself, thank you though. But I don't need you telling me this." He shrugs. "Alright, just letting you know before you get too far gone with her." And that was that you both turned to leave. Did everyone just hate this girl? How could almost the whole school be so against her. You try to ignore all of this, wanting to go read, that is until you get a text.

-Hey, you busy tonight?

Speak of the devil. It was Ellie. You couldn't help but smile at your phone.

-I was going to have a night of reading, but you're more than welcome to join me, my roommate isn't going to be there so it'd be nice and quiet.

-how could i possibly decline that generous offer ;) see you soon?

-bring a book! 🤓

-holding one right now 📖

You smile more, making your way to your door and grabbing the keys to unlock it. You were brought to your senses when you could smell what seemed to be vanilla, you knew it was Angies perfume, she would always wear it whenever she'd go see her boyfriend. It always made you smile when she'd go on dates, she'd be so genuinely happy to get dressed up, telling you how amazing he was and how happy he made her. It was nice to hear. You set your things down on the couch, heading into your room to grab some blankets and such, making a space on the couch for them. You were soon startled when you hear a knock on the door, to it being opened. "Hello hello hello." Ellie says coming in. "Oh hey, I was just getting the couch nice." She closes the door behind her. "What book did you bring?" You ask, looking over at her. "I- honestly have no clue just picked up something random." She states, coming over to the couch and sitting down. "Good day?" She leans back into the cushions, kicking her feet up on the coffee table.

"Yeah pretty good, bit slow but it got there in the end. And you?" Coming over to sit down next to her, bringing the blankets up your body. "Pretty much the same." You couldn't help but laugh. "What's so hilarious." She smiles ever so slightly. "I dunno, I just assume they're boring because you don't do anything." She raises a brow. "Not true. I have so much fun." "Oh yeah? What do you do that's so fun?" You open your book up, taking the Bookmark out preparing to read once you were done with the conversation. "I go on a secret mission, shhhh I can't talk about it." You laugh and roll your eyes. "You're so incredibly goofy." She smiles more. "You love it." Your smile softened a bit, you truly did. You loved how she would be so silly, especially since you didn't get to see that side of her until you were alone together. You avert your eyes over to the words on the page, beginning to read your book. She does the same opening up the random book to start.

After a little bit, you wanted to just talk. As you're still looking at your book you speak up. "I had a weird interaction today." She looks up, and at you. "Oh?" You do the same, nodding. "Got told to stay away from you, again." She lets out a sigh. "I'm sorry people are bombarding you with that-" But you just shake your head. "Trust me it's fine, it doesn't bother me. What gets to me is how hung up they are on the topic." You truly couldn't wrap your brain around it. "He told me about this girl you had almost gotten into a relationship wi-" "he?" She stops your words. You look at her as she does so. "Yeah?" She furrows her brows more. "Who is this guy?" "His names Kenny, you know him?" She rolls her eyes. "Who doesn't know him, he's always in people's faces." You keep looking at her as she speaks, when a sudden sigh comes out.

"The reason he told you that was because he was super close to her. He got furious at me when the whole thing happened and it eventually turned into a huge fight. Silly, drunken fight." This makes you raise your brows. "Oh my God." "It was all okay, no one got badly hurt but it happened, I moved on. Clearly he hasn't." You think for a moment, wondering if you should ask what you wanted to or stay in your lane and just keep quiet. She noticed your silence. "What're you thinking 'bout pretty girl?" Trying to ignore how happy that name made your heart, you push all the fear away and just ask. "What did you even do to her." Ellie goes quiet tho as if she didn't want to talk about it. "I- uhm just forget that sorry." You bite your lip feeling awful for even bringing it up. She puts a reassuring hand on your knee. "I don't mind. It's ok, I promise just caught me a little off guard is all." Listening to what she says, you nod. "I was never really present in the relationship, sort of a bit closed off. It wasn't even a relationship really, more of a- I dunno. We got on very well but at the same time I don't think she understood me truly. She was a great person, I honestly thought she was going to be my very first girlfriend." You cut her off. "Wait wait so you haven't dated anyone at ALL?" You knew she struggled to be in relationships.

But to have never been in some sort of one before, shocks you. "Never ever?" She lets out a breath. "Okay, sorry continue." You hear a tiny laugh come from her, making you smile a bit. "Anyway, I just couldn't do it. I knew I felt something but not enough to commit to anything serious like I knew she wanted. But I couldn't bring myself to let her go for so long. When one night she asked me, and I froze. I stood there trying to find some words to tell her nicely that I couldn't." Ellie stops for a second, which worried you. "Oh God, what did you do." There was silence. "I told her she wasn't relationship worthy.." Your mouth opens slightly. "Jesus Ellie." "I know, I'm not proud of it I'm really not. Especially her face after, I felt so bad deep inside but I think I made things worse with my dry facial expressions.." shocked would be an understatement. You had no idea how to respond. "No one knows that. Your actually the first person who knows the true story. The rest just made up silly rumors of how it ended, she left soon after so no one really knows the full story but me."

Still not knowing what to say you move your gaze to her. "Please say somethin." She says awkwardly. "You're not the best with words are you?" You let out a tiny giggle. She scratches her neck. "Is it obvious?" You shake your head slightly, with a roll of your eyes. "Dumbie." That silence you two always came across, occurs. You love it, it was comforting if you were quite honest. "We aren't doing much reading." She pipes up, making you look at her. "We aren't are we." You laugh a bit, setting it down and going to stand. "Where are you off to?" Honestly you didn't know, but you felt like putting music on. "Going to get my speaker, I always put on some music when Angela is out." Ellie learns more about you everyday. "What kind of music. Some heavy metal shit." Another laugh escapes you. "What do you take me for?" "I dunno, you surprise me very often." You had the speaker in hand, setting it down on the coffee table. "Honestly, if I like a song I like it, I don't have a specific type." She smiles. "Well said." You turn your head, looking at her. "And you?" She thinks for a sec, letting out a hum in thought. "Well as long as it's not some yehaw shit." This makes you laugh, harder than you have before. "Really? Now that's something I would've thought you'd like." She scoffs, throwing one of the pillows that were rested on the couch at your face.

But you catch it quickly. "Ugh, rude." Throwing it back at her she just laughs. You grab your phone and play your Playlist, sitting back down in the position you were in before. "So, loves to read, doesn't like heavy metal, is very ticklish." The last one makes you pinch her shoulder, resulting in her holding her arm with dramatics. "What else am I going to find out about you." You think for a moment. "I guess you'll have to wait and see." She tilts her head. "You a party person?" Honestly you had no idea, you hadn't been to the kind of party she's talking about in your entire life, so how could you tell if you liked them or not. "Can't judge when I've never been to one." Now it was her who was gobsmacked. "Never, ever?" She quotes you from before. "Shut up. I find fun in other things." She looks offended. "I've been to some pretty wicked parties ma'am." You roll your eyes. "You love doing that too, don't you?" She points at your face. "What? Roll my eyes?" She nods. "They'll get stuck like that if you aren't careful." She says, seeming serious but you knew she was being a dickhead.

"Oh Har Har." "No need to fake laugh around me. We all know how hard I can make you laugh." You raise a brow. "Oh really?" She nods. "Yes really, I'm the master." She notices the look on your face and smiles wickedly. "Challenge accepted." "Wait-" But she pounces on you, going straight to tickling you. You try to push her off, giggling as you do so. "Ok ok stop, point proven." Shes now laughing too, but they both die down as your eyes meet. As corny as that sounds its true, you two were currently so close to one another. You could feel the coolish air from her nose. Then something just clicks in her brain and. "Y/n." You keep the eye contact. "Mhmmmm." "I think I like you." You let out another giggle. "You think?" The look that's on her face makes you giggle more. "No like I know I do.." There was a long pause which made Ellie worry. "Is this the first time you've ever said that to someone." She nods reluctantly. You soon become more serious. "Like actually like me?" You sit up, staring at her at the confession. "I've never said that to a girl before. Never."

Looking down, you take in this information. "I think I like you too Els." You let a small smile slip but she just playfully rolls her eyes. "So what now then?" That, she hadn't thought too far into. But as she wonders what this could become those bad thoughts of hurting you cross her mind, usually she wouldn't care. Horrible as that is she never did care. Maybe you truly are changing her. And what she does next truly shocks the crap out of you. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

You had said yes. Ofcourse you were thinking of those thoughts too, but you had hope she wouldn't, consider yourself stupid? Maybe. You just wanted to live in the moment, if anything keeping it a secret was the most hardest thing throughout this all. The first time you and Ellie kissed you were just hanging out in your room, Angie was home and she had come in without knocking, thank goodness she saw nothing. You've also gotten closer with Jesse and Dina, they were so kind. You were sitting with them and Ellie one day having some food in the small Cafe they have down there. "I'm just going to get some more of that Cake, you want any?" She looks at you, you just shake your head no. As she goes to leave tho, Dina turns to you. "She has this new glow to her." A hum leaves your lips as you eat. "Maybe being around you is changing her." She continues. "If so can you like stay forever." Jesse then speaks. It made you laugh slightly. "I'm not going anywhere." They look at eachother. "Well that's if she doesn't do anything stupid." Damn, even her close friends have no hope in her. You'd be lying If you said that didn't worry you much.

More time passes and it's getting harder to keep the secret, you didn't really care for what anyone else had to say about it, but you sure did worry about Angie, Dina, and Jesse. You had bonded with all of them so well you didn't want them to hate you entirely. Today, you weren't as careful. You were currently hanging out with Dina and Jesse in your room, chilling. When you hear a knock at the door. "Hold up let me just get that." As you get up to go see who it was, you forgot to close your bedroom door. You open it, but before you can process anything you're being kissed, you froze. "Hey baby." Ellie then says after pulling away, gently grabbing the flesh of your ass. Open, your mouth was open in shock. "BABY?" You then heard Dina screech, coming out of your bedroom along with Jesse. "Uh oh-" Ellie then says, removing her hand. You swallow as you turn around slowly. "Ermmm." They were shocked. "Ain't no way." Dina continues. You were stumped. What were you suppose to say? "Really Ellie, another poor heart?" Ellie furrows her brows.

She was going to say something but you step in. "Hey, that's not entirely true. How do you know she will do that, she can change you kno-" Dina shakes her head. "She's not changing Y/n, she will hurt you." Ellie scoffs. "Right here you know." Dina looks at her. "Don't even think about hurting her, Ellie. Come on Jesse." They both go to leave. "We warned you." She says to you. You just stay quiet, watching as they go. Silence was left in the room. "I'm sorry I should've said something-" Ellie shakes her head. "Don't be, seriously. What's done is done it's not your fault, promise." She says, putting her hands on your shoulders then moving them to your cheeks. You nod slightly. "Well, do you think they hate us now?" She laughs a tad. "You? Never. Me? Always. But it's understandable so I can't blame them." You look down, it sadden you how they saw her, you knew she hadn't been so great in the past- but that was in the past. Right? She makes you look at her again, putting her thumb and index against your chin. "Don't worry about them or anything else yeah? That shouldn't be a concern." You nod at her words, getting on your tiptoes to kiss her. "Anyways are you hungry?" You asked as you make your way into the small kitchen you and Angie had.

Ellie shakes her head. "Well, not for food." She shrugs while having a sly smirk on her face, that makes you grab a piece of bread that was sitting on the counter and throw it at her. Which earns a chuckle from her lips. "You're gross." She holds her hands up. "Whattt can't admire my yummy girlfriend?" You roll your eyes. "Far from that-" "Ay! Dont talk about my girlfriend like that thank you very much." This only makes you laugh now, making her smile too. "Well, I'm going to have a snack because I'm quite hungry." You state, going over to grab something to munch on. You then feel hands on your waist, and a chin on your shoulder. "May I help you." She just shakes her head, soon after hiding it in your neck. "Nurp, comfy." That warmed your heart, she was such a sweet person. As you were fixing up some food you felt warm soft lips on your neck, so delicate and gentle. It made you close your eyes relishing in the tenderness. "You smell so good." She blurts out, keeping the warm kisses going. You hum in response. "You smell so.. bad." She pinches your waist making you giggle. "Ow!" "I don't smell bad, take that back!"

You only giggle more. "You smell like cigarettes." She gasps. "You've told me you love the way I smell! Liar!" You roll your eyes, but she swiftly turns you around in her arms, grabbing your face and squishing your cheeks. "Els-" She stares into your soul, making you laugh out. "What on earth are you doing?" "Shhh, making your eyes stay like the way they did since you love doing that so much." She continues to do whatever with her eyes. "Oh my god." You proceed to shove her off of you, but her grip tightens. "You're such an idiot." She smiles. "Yeah well I'm your idiot, so suck it up buttercup." She kisses your nose and loosens her grip, going to lean against the counter. "You really do look great today. Just thought I'd remind you." You smile sweetly at her. "You look pretty beautiful yourself." Shes now smiling too. "Im the pertyest." You laugh at the way she said it, making her smile grow. She could never get over how pretty your laugh was. It was her favorite thing, ever.

It had been a few months or so since you and Ellie first got together, maybe a bit longer but who's counting you. Currently you were making your way to her dorm, like most Friday nights. Knocking on the door to be greeted by your beautiful girlfriends green eyes. "Hey baby." You smile, and so does she. "Hello Ms thing. Come in come in." She moves out the way so you can enter, going straight to the couch and making yourself comfortable. "What have we got planned tonight?" You ask. You two usually always did a special something on a Friday night. Her roommate was out on most of them so you'd come over to Ellies. "Well I know how you feel about parties, and if you don't want to we can chill out here for the night, but there's one a few dorms down." You ponder this idea, and honestly, why not. You figure it'll be fun especially with Ellie and how enjoyable she could make anything be. "Sounds like a plan." She raises her brows, genuinely happy you agreed. "Awesome, I'm getting changed because I just came straight here from my last class." She mentions going to go do that.

You do a double take. "You? In class?" She scoffs. "Shut up." Which makes you smile. "Noo, it's great i'm glad." She shortly comes back out. "Your sarcasm is lovely." She sarcastically replies. "You ready?" You nod at her question. "Sure am."

The music was booming, so many crowds of people. The smell of alcohol and potentially what you assumed was drugs. Pleasant. "Oh this ones going to be a good one I can feel it." Ellie says looking around, scoping everything out. "You're so silly." "Come on let's get a drink." You follow but she knows you don't drink. "I'll be the sober help." She looks at you. "Not even one love?" Her question makes you shake your head as she puts a hand on your shoulder. "Alright, just make sure you're comfortable yeah?" She says before giving you a kiss. You smile at her words, beginning to feel weirdly anxious about the night, and you had no idea why.

People were everywhere it was all quite alot to take in. As you were sitting on Ellies lap you noticed how drunk she was. It was different seeing her like this. "Mmm I want another." She would slur. Making you let out a light giggle. "You're so gone Els-" "your laughs so pretty, makes my heart warm." She suddenly says. You smile more at her. "Well that's very kind of you." After a little you let out a sigh, you felt like you weren't being fun right now, you didn't want to disappoint Ellie but you had so much anxiety currently, and you had no idea on how to stop it. "Can you pretty please get me another drink my beautiful girlfriend." She taps your side, holding up her empty cup. You smile at how precious she was right now. "Sure can." You take it from her going to get off and head over to the drinks. As you're over there you feel someone next to you. "Here with Williams?" It was Kenny. You look at him. "Is that illegal?" He stares at you. "Are you dating her?" You huff. "What even is it to you Kenny?" He shakes his head. "Youre going to get hurt." "Im doing just fine thanks." You turn to leave, back to Ellie. "Here you go." You say a little dryly. "Thank youu." She muddles her words, grabbing it off of you. You sit back down in her lap. "Was he hassling you?" You hear her ask. "Who, Kenny? Nothing I can't handle my love." You reassure her, although you think it was slightly getting to you. She just nods in return.

The night went on, and your chest still had that same feeling, your anxiety was increasing. You wanted to have fun with your girlfriend and friends but you just couldn't seem to relax. It made you more anxious that Ellie wasn't with it. You're starting to think its childhood trauma that's making you feel this way, you didn't know how to just shut this weird feeling off. "You alright mama?" Ellie asks, rubbing your shoulder, still drunk as anything. You just nod and bite your lip, chewing that silky skin off nervously. "I'm just going to go for a pee." You tell her, getting up and heading to wherever the bathroom is. Once you find it you head in, going to the sink to splash water on your face in hopes it'd calm you down just a little bit. "You're fine, Y/n just take a breath and relax. Everything's fine." You say to your reflection. You leave, entering the booming party once again, going over to where Ellie was last seen but she's not there, odd. Making your way around you try to find her, hoping she's alright and she hasn't got into something bad, knowing how some idiots can be with drinks. As you make your way around the room your heart completely sinks to the floor, you stand there unable to move.

All your emotions crashing down on you. Shock being the main one, then anger. You truly couldn't believe any of it, was it some silly nightmare? There Ellie was just stuck to some girl. Kissing her. After that shock wears off you felt your anxiety push your anger into motion, moving your feet over to her. You make a cough noise, seeing her pull back from it turning slightly. She may of been drunk but she knew exactly what had happened. "Fuck-" She says under her breath. "Wait baby no i-" You grab her drink and chuck it in her face. "No." You point at her, the girl silently sneaking off. "Ellie what the actual fuck." She just stares at you. Now you feel your tears now they start to come, and her heart breaks. Tears spill at the sight you just witnessed, she's never seen you cry before. You're always so cheerful. So it truly ruins her. "Y/n no no please-" "After everything we've been through, after what you told me. They were wrong. You cant change for anyone. I should've listened to them." She immediately shakes her head. "Don't say that please- it was an accident fuck- she just-" But you shove the cup into her chest. "Shut up Ellie." And she does but she needed to tell you how sorry she was.

After a second of standing there you couldn't look at her anymore. "Wait-" She pleads as you begin to walk off, getting lost in the crowd of people, it was such a huge room you had no idea where you were even heading. The anxiety approaches again, all you wanted was to get back to the comfort of your own room. Your tears still dripping slightly, fogging your vision. You plop down on a random sofa, feeling a panic attack arise. Which freaks you out as you haven't had one of those in many years. You try to even out your breathing, which you managed to do. But everything was so overwhelming. Someone sits next to you, and great it was none other than Kenny. "Did she do something." You sigh. "Good God Kenny. Please just stop." He scoffs. "So im right, correct? Fucking Williams." You turn your head away, just wanting to get out of this unfamiliar place. He places a hand on your leg, making you stiffen. "I'm sorry she did, you never should deserve something like that." This makes you turn your attention to him. "She always steals the girls I like. And ruins their lives." Your eyes widen. "Wha-" "I could treat you so much better." He says. You were baffled by this. "Kenny what are you even-" When you couldn't think this night could get worse, it does. He goes to try and kiss you but you dodge it immediately, standing to your feet. "Kenny no- im really not interested." He begins to stand too. "That's what she said." You smelt it on his breath. "Kenny you're drunk, I think you need some water-"

He shakes his head getting close to you again, your overwhelming anxiousness comes back again, especially once you see him flush to the floor. Your attention is now on Ellie who punched the living shit out of him. "Ellie what the fu-" "He touched you!" You facepalm. "Good God I have nowhere near enough energy for this shit." The night couldn't get any worse as Kenny stands back up, the two drunk as anything. "You bitch." He goes to swing at her but she moves. "Fight round two then, you fucker." She begins it all. You don't even know what to do anymore. "You're both children." You state, going to try find the exit. You had to get back, this night was all too much. But Ellie notices you leaving, so she goes after you. "Wait no- please let me explain!" She grabs your arm but you yank it. "No Ellie. Don't ever touch or even speak to me again." "They weren't right, you have changed me i swear to you!" You shake your head. "Once a dick. Always a dick. You. Have. Not. Changed." You spat.

[luvfy0dor]

Good day! How are you doing? I'm back with a small request. A reader keeps three kitties at home, but no one knows about it. What would happen if Chuya or Fedor stopped by to visit for the first time and three different big fluffy cats met them on the doorstep? Thank you for your artwork. They really are so awesome.

I hope I've made the right request. Have a great day!

“Guess I'll Just Stumble on Home to my Cats !! ♡” - Chuuya Nakahara x Gn!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

Warnings; i like describing really enormous cats, which is made obvious, some swearing, it's pretty silly

Description; Chuuya interacting with cats.

A/n; Bro I love cats sm I was so excited to do this request my bsf and I have matching cats theyre both orange and named garfield, but I'm gonna do a second part with fyodor! I just wrote a whole lot for Chuuya so I thought I'd separate it : ] OH ALSO TYSM FOR THE COMPLIMEBTS FJEJSJDJ ❤️❤️💖💖

• Chuuya is definitely more of a dog person, but that doesn't mean you'll never find him lying on your couch, hat over his face and a cat or two (or three) loafed on his chest.

ೃ⁀➷

You decided to invite Chuuya over for dinner in celebration of receiving a promotion at your job. You liked being able to share such an exciting moment with the people you loved, and Chuuya was absolutely one of them.

Chuuya had yet to venture to your house, not because he didn't want to, but because it was really hard to find time for anything recently. He had been very busy with work, and the distance from your place to his work or his house was rather inconveniencing. But, he wanted to join you for dinner, so that was just what he was gonna do.

So, there he stood, a small flower bouquet in hand and dressed in his usual classy clothing. He almost hesitated to ring the doorbell, but he pushed his pointless worries aside. There was nothing to be nervous about, after all. It was dinner with his lover, how scary could it be?

"It's unlocked!" You shout from the kitchen, cleaning everything up and plating the food. He twists the door nob and pushes it open, walking in before tripping. He caught himself, but he looked down, wondering what you could have possibly left on the floor right next to the door. Instead of finding a shoe or clothing item, he saw a fluffy black mass peeking up at him through it's furry coat. It meowed at him, skittering away into the kitchen. He was very confused as to where you had gotten a cat, you've never told him about this! He chalked it up to cat sitting before following in the cats footsteps and heading into the kitchen. He found you shooing the cat away very politely, waving it off towards to other room; and much to his surprise, it obeyed.

Chuuya had not once seen a cat so obedient, he always thought of cats as careless and independent animals, but apparently they listened just as well as dogs if trained right. Your eyes lit up when they landed on your boyfriend, then on the flowers, making your heart melt. "Aw, Chuuya! You're too sweet to me, you didn't have to bring me flowers!" You say, approaching him, he sighs and puts an arm around you, pulling you into a hug. "I know, but it's the least I could do for you, I mean you're making me dinner." He says, kissing your forehead and handing you the flowers.

"Still though. Thank you, Chuuya." You say excitedly, walking towards the cabinets and grabbing a vase, filling it up about a fourth of the way with water. "Yeah, it's no problem, doll. Hey, uhm, you never told me you had a cat around." He says with a slight laugh. You turned to him, furrowing your eyebrows before a look of realization came over your face. "Oh! I'm sorry, yeah, I have three cats." You gave him a grin, which widened when you saw his surprised face.

"Do you not like cats? I'm sorry, I should have told you." You say, straightening out your shirt. "No! No, it's alright, darlin', it just caught me by surprise, you know? I'm more of a dog guy..." He murmurs, hugging you and looking over your shoulder at the food. "That looks really good though." He compliments, gently cupping your cheek. You thank him and guide him aside with your hand on his waist in order to bring the vase to the dining room table. He jumps upon feeling something furry rub up against his pant leg, looking down to see an entirely different cat. He stares at the furry animal before hesitantly squatting down to pet it.

Running his fingers across the felines head, he smiled a bit, scratching it behind the ears before standing up to wash his hands. The cat, however, did not take no more for an answer. It butted it's head against Chuuyas calf, purring as it did so. Chuuya rolled his eyes and looked at it again, resisting the urge to pet it and have to wash his hands all over again. You return to the kitchen to grab the plates, setting them at the dinner table with a smile. Chuuya follows you out, the cat following him, like a train. Chuuya sits across from your seat and watches you situate yourself, a sort of love struck expression on his face. You notice and blush, a small and breathy laugh escaping your lips.

Chuuya is snapped from his adoring gaze by what feels like a trillion pounds of bricks being dropped into his lap, causing him to let out a loud "oomph." You look at him with confusion and concern and Chuuya looks down at his lap, seeing a massive and utterly colossal, prodigious, party-sized ass cat loafing in his lap. How it even jumped up onto him was entirely out of his scope of knowledge. You peered under the table and saw your largest cat on your boyfriends lap, making you frown.

"I'm sorry about him, he's on a weight loss journey, I promise." You apologetically say, getting up to remove the stupendously sized cat from Chuuyas thighs, gently plopping him down on the floor. He nods in response, putting his hands up defensively. "It's not a big deal, I promise. He looks like he's got the spirit to get to that goal." He says, remote enthusiasm in his voice. You nod with a smile. "He definitely does. I think you'll get along with all three of them well, I think they already really like you, especially (cat #3's name)." He smiles a bit and nods, taking a bite of his food, humming in satisfaction. "You're such a great chef, doll. Did you have the cats pick fresh herbs and spices or somethin'?" He playfully says, making you scoff.

"I wish those cats could help out. They're wonderful for moral support and occasional obstacles, though." You sarcastically reply. He smiles. "Do they actually knock stuff off of tables? I've heard a lot of cats like to do things like that, or sitting on keyboards?" You nod, taking another bite of your food. "Yeah, they've done it a couple times, they knocked pepper all over the place once and when they hopped down on the floor none of them could stop sneezing. I felt so bad for them." You say, reminiscing on all the times your animals inconvenienced both you and themselves with their antics.

Chuuya laughs a little, resting his head against his knuckles. "What poor little things they are, huh?" He laughs, looking at the three cats that were now sprawled out on the couch. You nod. "Maybe they just need another parental figure." You say, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye. He looks over at you, his cheeks slightly red and his lips parted. "What, do you want me to be their second/father?" You nod with a grin. "If you'll accept the offer." You smile, sipping on some water.

Chuuya smirks, leaning back in his chair and adjusting the sleeves of his shirt. "Obviously I'm going to, I would never deny you." He says, his pearly white teeth flashing as he speaks. Everything about him really was perfect to you, especially his willingness to be included in your little cat family. "Great, hopefully they'll learn to be a gentleman just like you." You say, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek and leaning into him.

A/n; dawg I'm posting this from a movie theater this movie is kinda boring and I gotta be here for 2 ½ more hours send help. Also if I flop again I'm crying tbh (Edit) WALKED OUT THAT BITCH LAST NIGHT W OLD ERAS TOUR MOVIE MERCH BECAUSE I WASNT ABLE TO GO SEE IT ORIGINALLY AND GET IT SO ALL IS WELL

[paragonraptors]

YEHAW DA:V REVEAL THOUGHTS BELOW!!

Overall: Feeling so excited for this game. I'm climbing up the walls. I can't believe that was 20 minutes, it felt like 10. Need this in my hands yesterday.

What I liked:

-Holy fuck wow wow wow the hair looks like nothing I've seen in a video game before.

-Combat seems very different but also a natural progression of gameplay past. Real-time turn-based was always a little on the clunkier side, and while it never really bothered me, moving towards something more ME-style was expected. Very excited about being able to aim a bow. Would like to know what difficulty they were showcasing bc I'm considering jumping right into a Nightmare run.

-Now that I've been soulsborne-pilled the prospect of a parry mechanic has me buzzing.

-I feel like people are gonna dunk on the "stiffer" animation, but I prefer it so much more than the BG3/HZD constant wobbling. It'll make the key performances stand out instead of mostly jangling keys in front of a baby and letting the big moments get lost in the sauce. (Not that the aformentioned games didn't have good animation, just. If your characters don't need to move their whole body to convey dialogue I'd prefer if they didn't.)

-The sublety in the facial animations is CRAZY.

-The roleplay dialogue seems really reactive!! And the cuts to inject the unique dialogues feels smooth. I'm sure there will still be moments where it's easy to tell, but still cool. Seems like they're gonna be paying more attention to your personality type like DA2 too.

-So excited about Harding and Neve as companions and can't wait to meet everyone else.

-Neve's staff/wand makes me excited to see what kinds of focus options we'll get as a mage AAAA.

-God the costumes have so much swag. One of my hottest of many BG3 takes was that the costumes were overall flavorless. (Really hoping they didn't change the Grey Warden uniforms though that would really disappoint me.)

-Cinematography looks fantastic. Lots of well set up shots.

-NGL I felt something when Solas showed up. Wasn't expecting that. And while not perfect, I liked his interaction with Varric. Their relationship from Inquisition really slips under the radar if you're not bothering to look.

-Varric has never gotten over the trauma of what happened with Anders and it breaks my heart in a good way. God you could see it in his eyes!! [chef's kiss]

-However, I definitely have to kill Solas now for what transpired in this preview.

What I'm iffy about:

-The voice peformances feel a bit stilted. Not really what I'm used to from Bioware and I feel like it's important when the animations are more subdued. Hopefully this feeling will change when I get more of the game.

-The dialogue also felt a bit dumbed down. "Solas is doing his ritual!" "Yes. Solas' ritual. The ritual that we have to stop." Again, hopefully this is symptomatic of a tutorial level/trying to onboard newbies quickly and not the whole game lol. While I prefer this to dialogue that tries to sound smarter than it is, I'm really hoping we see an overall improvement from Inquisition.

-Sort of wish they went with the Andromeda dialogue system instead of bringing back Inquisition's, but I do like that it seems all dialogue options are getting tonal indicators again and they're not as easily conflated with morality. (Though I imagine people will STILL interpret it that way.)

-A little confused about them introducting Minrathous' panopticon shit and then immediately swerving into Solas' ritual. Would have liked some breathing room on that kind of worldbuilding.

- While I'm generally open minded about the change, I Do Not Love not being able to switch to playing companions. Might turn around on this if your ability to issue them commands opens up the closer you are to them/the more you grow into a leadership role. I do like that it seems you will eventually be able to command when they use abilities a la OG Mass Effect bc that was my biggest beef with the Andromeda gameplay, esp on Nightmare/Insanity difficulty.

-Not crazy about the new Pride demon design where are their leggies.

-Not really a Criticism, but they are definitely setting up for Varric to die and while I get it, narratively, I'm NOT HAPPY. Dragon Age has been almost allergic to scripted deaths so it's also gonna feel like being dunked in an ice bath. EVIL STUFF. IN DENIAL.

[thesamoanqueen]

Blackwater XXI

Warnings/AN: I've been very busy and I'm late on a lot of stories here, but I promise to catch up. This chapter was challenging and not only because of the themes that become more and more complicated, but also because I already had an idea but after what happened with Roman's family I chose to cancel everything and start again. I hope it turned out well and thank you again for your support and patience

Paul had always been a member of the family to him. Anyone invited to the table became part of the family, that was what Roman had been taught, and when the table passed to him, he had respected tradition and made Paul the wise man. Years before that moment, his pops had told him how they had met, he had described the wiseman as a bold boy that the wild wolves had adopted during their trips, willing to do anything to make a name for himself. That instinct, his desire to be the best, was what made Paul special and had allowed him to make a career where others had failed. Difficulties, risks, had made him the perfect advisor, but Roman had also learned his lessons as he grew up and was running out of tolerance and time to deal with new issues.

The time for confessions is over. He better speak now.

- “It's been a while since you've been home” - he reflected, putting away the coffee, immediately seeing Paul do the same.

He had waited, he had granted him mercy, but nothing had happened.

- “The kids can take care of themselves, they don't need anyone at this point. I'm more useful here now. It's an honor to serve you and your family, I'm happy to do it” - he recited impeccably, his face smiling and excited at the idea of sharing that moment with him before getting to work as they had been doing for years now.

- “Is it so?” - he asked, looking him over carefully in search of the answer.

It's all thanks to us. We did it all.

- “I made you the wise man, it wasn't due to my family. I chose you to be something more than a lawyer, none of them had ever thought of you like that” - he reminded him, intercepting one of those reactions invisible to human eye that a wolf instead sniffs out as soon as the prey suspect.

For a long time, when Roman wasn't yet the most feared alpha in the country, Paul had worked for others, more or less legally and also given his family a lot of hard work. Business was business. He had the instinct of an opportunistic jackal rather than a wolf, but Roman had never judged him for his attitude, because he had understood his way was the smartest way to get what he deserved without spitting blood. He had succeeded with the wiseman’s help, they respected each other now, but between them there was a hierarchy and a promise of loyalty. Affection would not have saved him after such a disrespect.

- “Im grateful to you my Tribal Chief, but I don’t understand, have I perhaps offended you?” - he asked confused, while Roman took a deep breath, gathering his patience that was running out day after day.

He had no time for chit-chat, there were two days left until the tribal combat and he had to know how things were before risking everything.

- “You’re having contacts with the strays at the border” - he began, pointing to the phone Paul had with him as always.

Delegating had become a necessity when business had expanded and the issues to deal with multiplied to the point of not giving him rest. Controlling everything was an impossible job that would only bring disadvantages in the long run and the wise man had taken his place promptly, he was very good at solving the less important matters before they reached his ear and in the best way. Over the years they had created a perfect harmony, but it was not the time to let things happen and Roman could not allow himself the luxury of believing in anyone's loyalty after what had happened with his own blood and knowing that in his house there were already whispers.

- “We need to check them and I do it for you, my Tribal Chief. They have no chance, but they are teaming up, it’s better to know their moves. I only do my job for your best” - he explained, a hand on his heart and a serious expression.

Across the border they talked a lot about changes now he had lost his grip there, they didn’t hide, they made alliances speaking with their heads high, they made promises and threats, they remembered names both Roman and the wise man had known and respected, while they lit fires from the ashes. To him it was just smoke, arrogant puppy games because for the first time in years he had shown a weakness, but as soon as he had solved his first priority he would get rid of them too.

- “What about Jey? You checking on him and Jimmy too because it’s part of your job? You saw ‘em. You talked to them, I told you not to and you went looking for my cousin” - he replied harshly and this time the wise man faltered.

The rumors even if pushed south were still rumors, but his blood was something tangible. They were in his land, at his door. The wise man knew the twins as much as him, he had seen them grow up together and he had been there when Roman and Jey had first clashed for the title of alpha. He knew what would happen, he knew what to expect. The losers at the border were not up to par, but Jey was another story and the thought he was judging him or worse helping him to have someone more maneuverable at the top, going against their collaboration, supposed friendship, was intolerable.

- “My Tribal Chief no, trust me, Im trying to do what is best for the family” - he tried, but Roman immediately stiffened at the mere thought, putting away his coffee.

- “Im what is best for the family. You are my wise man, you are here for me, not for them, not for the family, me! My name and my role are on the line, there’s nothing to discuss unless you have other plans”

It had happened once, when he was still traveling across the country for family business, months before Y/N, over a year ago. They had made it clear, he had forgiven Paul and since then their bond had become stronger, but it could have happened again. Loyalty is never absolute, Roman had learned the lesson the hard way. If his own family, his friends, had chosen to betray him, why couldn't Paul a second time for his personal vision?

We not dumb. We’re not weak.

- “I’d never dare, you know nothing is more important to me than you! I love you! You are my Tribal Chief!”

- “and still you forgot it to do as you wanted” - he reminded him, taking a step forward, feeling the smell of his panic creeping into his nostrils.

- “What?! No, no, I’d never disrespect you like that, I was just”-

- “I told you, wiseman” - he growled softly and Paul raised his hands, to defend himself or beg him it didn't matter.

- “I-I... I did it for Y/N!” - he admitted at the end, gesturing towards the hallway where the stairs were – “I shouldn't have said it, but... I did it for her”

She wasn’t there to hear it, but she didn’t need to be there to give him one of her warning looks, because Roman was already doing it. He endured their arguments on a daily basis, thankfully they had never gone too far to make him talk and part of the reason it never happened was that the wise man knew to watch his mouth when she was involved. Whatever moment their relationship was going through, whatever was happening, it didn’t matter, Y/N was untouchable.

- “Be careful” – he warned him, his gaze dark and Paul understood, because his demeanor changed and he took a few seconds to choose the right words before speaking.

- “It’s nothing new, she’s always been… against this… she has her strong opinion and a lot already happened, it’s probably the prospect of losing someone she cares about that puts her on the defensive” – he explained giving him a look that made Roman’s mouth twitch.

That conversation was becoming unbearable for him. He was perfectly aware of what Y/N’s opinion was about his family war, he was aware there was more than what she was admitting, he was aware of what traumas the past had left in her mind. He didn’t need to hear the wise man explain to him how things were or play the therapist to justify what was happening when the two of them weren’t even on good terms.

- “Im her family and nothing will happen to me, she won’t lose anyone” – he reminded him, seeing Paul put on another face that pushed his nerves even further.

- “Of course, no… not you at least, no, I’m sure she knows perfectly well that her place is by your side but you know there’s a strong bond with the twins… it’s mutual, at the meeting it was clear that Jey feels the same, you saw it, we were all there and she’s a smart woman, a survivor and maybe” - the sudden growl stopped him from saying anything else, but Roman had heard enough by now.

- “You are crossing the line”

No! She is mine. Our mate. Mine!

The only thing clear at the meeting was that his cousin was an dumbass and had learned nothing in the years spent as his right-hand man. He had crossed the line with that invitation as much as Paul now, it had been a lack of respect he would pay dearly for. Y/N was Roman’s responsibility, no one else’s, it was his role to take care of her and he was crazy to offer her protection, when knew full well Roman would get himself killed before quit. He should have worried about Takecia and their family, because he had a real mate like him, a real bond and he had built his life with her, not with Y/N and it wouldn’t be Y/N who would be left on the street when, despite himself, Roman would punish him in two days. Nothing would ever happen to Y/N again, he had promised her and he was doing everything he could to keep his word. That’s why she would stay by his side, they would finally build their family, there, on his land, in his home, because he was the best choice. Not Jey.

That bond the wise man was talking about? was there because Roman had wanted it. It was him who had pushed them to spend time together months before, he needed to make her feel comfortable then and to have someone to always check on her. There was no bond as deep as theirs, absolutely nothing between her and Jey that could hold a candle to it! Y/N was worried because it was in her nature, she was kind and merciful behind fangs and growls, she was already taking care of the whole family, it was her instinct and Roman had to balance: protecting her even from her most vulnerable side. Whatever it seemed from the outside, it was a lie, there was nothing, absolutely nothing. She was his, she would never turn her back on him like the others to save Jey or Jimmy from their fate.

- “… my Tribal Chief I didn’t mean”-

- “Did she tell you to do it?” – he inquired, looking at him deadly serious – “Don’t make that face now, I asked what you did, we’re talking about you and you tell stories about her!”

It's not true, no.

- “I was just trying to explain”-

- “Answer wiseman. She told you to deal with Jey, take care of him, is that how it would have gone?!” – he repeated impatiently, his voice heavy and Paul visibly jumped, narrowing his eyes in terror as he saw him smash his fist on the table.

- “She implied it during a couple of conversations. She said to find a way before the fight” – he answered with his head down and Roman froze.

Why does he keep lying?! Y/N would never do this.

We are mates, made for each other.

His wolf hated even the hint of doubt. There was no scenario where something so abominable could happen. He trusted her, he trusted only her and for Roman was the same… but something inside him still jammed at the umpteenth confirmation. For an unbearable moment, the ground beneath his feet trembled at the thought it wasn’t just fear that was making Paul talk. Her looks, the way she froze when he was close, the mark rejected after all those months together and the attempts to discuss the fight even after seeing him return home covered in blood.

She was on his side. She had promised to always be.

- “A way for what?” – he repeated, his voice uncertain and far away this time in the sudden silence of the house.

The wise man in front of him opened his eyes hesitantly, raising them to him in fear, his brow furrowed in concern at the sight of the veins stiffening from trying to hold back his claws, the smell of anxiety and expensive aftershave shipped all the way from New York mixing together.

***

Lisa lived in the city, in a lovely apartment that was easy to get to downtown and the beach. Roman had tried to convince her to leave it for something better, Y/N knew the story, but she had always refused and it was clear why. It mirrored her, was in a strange way exactly like her, with flowers in front of the door, a strange Mediterranean mix of lace and old photos everywhere of the entire family, arranged with rigid care like in a museum where you were not allowed to touch anything. It was welcoming though, smelling of tasty food and laundry, Lisa’ smell.

- “Sika would go crazy if he knew you were here with me and not at his place! he always asks about you, to me! How is Y/N? You heard about our daughter? I told him to calm down, it’s ridiculous” – she sighed exasperated, sitting down with her and immediately reaching out to reassure her – “at his age and with what happened to you… I think it’s the girls’ fault, they don’t indulge him like before, I mean they have their families to take care of and with you he’s got these ideas in his head again!”

Sika seemed like such a scary man at first sight, a big man with a serious look, yet both he and Lisa had been kind to her after the first moment. She had no idea how he was with his daughters, she hadn’t seen them all together yet even though it had been a year since she’d been there, but he had been gentle with her. They had talked a lot, he had told her so many stories and she had enjoyed listening to them, he had been kind and happy when she had agreed to spend time with him to go fishing. But that was before he had agreed to the fight between his son and Jey, since then she had not seen or heard from him personally, there was no time to get close or chat, there were other priorities and deep down Y/N thought it was better this way. She didn’t know if she would have reacted with the same enthusiasm at the prospect of spending time with him, she still didn’t understand how a father could accept knowing his son was in danger, even if family traditions were involved.

- “I’ll go visit him too, I made a promise” – she replied, trying to hide the weight now permanently stuck in her chest, but Lisa gave her a sympathetic look anyway.

- “There’s no rush, honey, don’t worry. We all know that now is not the time”

She knows.

Y/N had no idea if it was some sort of sixth sense as a mother, hers had never been empathetic, but Y/N hoped was the case. It was the reason why she had decided to go visit her that day, putting aside the idea of keeping everything inside as she had always been used to do and leaving Roman’ side.

She had woken up in an empty bed, him already downstairs taking care of the last things before the war and she had felt alone in that big house. Hormones were torturing her despite the suppressants she was taking every day at that point, anxiety had transformed her into a block of ice and she had felt the need for someone, someone who understood or at least listened to her, because her and Roman seemed to be tuned into two channels that broadcast in two different languages on the same frequency creating only chaos. She would have gone to Naomi, she would have wanted to so much, because Naomi would have understood just by looking at her, but she couldn't anymore. They were no more sisters, not even family.

- “I wish it was instead”- she admitted, seeing Lisa nod.

- “I’ve been in your shoes, I still am in a way… It’s such a terrible feeling in your guts”

She had been a wife, but she was still a mom, she always would be and as far as Y/N knew, Lisa was also close to the twins, she had raised them too. Y/N hadn’t really thought about it, she wasn’t used to seeing things from other people’s point of view, but Lisa was like a more adult version of her: she didn’t belong there either, she had joined the family, she had had her difficulties, they were a bit alike.

- “How did you do it?” – she asked curiously and Lisa looked at her confused – “I mean, accept it. All”

Lisa thought about it for a moment and Y/N saw her turn to look at a couple of the photos around the house, her gaze lost in her own memories, before shaking her head bitterly.

- “I didn’t. I faced it as long as I could, for my kids, then I took a step back” – she confessed and Y/N felt the weight of that admission somehow add to her despair, causing a shiver that made her clench her hands.

Her and Roman were mates, they were meant to be together, they had no way out or plan B and Y/N knew that Lisa and Sika's divorce had been caused by different issues than what they were facing, but the thought they hadn't made it, even if they still got along and loved each other, hit her full on without warning.

Some things weren't meant to last.

- “It will be different for you two, Roman won't allow it” – Lisa added immediately, stopping her thoughts this time and Y/N immediately forced herself to smile with the same hope.

He doesn't quit. Never. He promised.

Yes, Roman wouldn't allow it, even if things were difficult now, they would change. It wouldn't be like that forever, he was a man of his word. They could do it, they just had to hold on a little longer and then, when everything calmed down, they could look back together and say they were over it.

- “A few more days” - she reminded, making Lisa nod as well.

- “One step at a time”

The sound of the wind against the windows distracted her, something in the weather seemed to have changed in the last few days. She had never spent so much time in the same place to notice such things and even then Y/N suspected she didn’t have a correct perception. Her body was constantly throwing tantrums, sometimes her skin burned at the most unthinkable moments and other times the shivers shook her. Her mood changed as quickly as the clouds that followed one another in the sky, piling up or disappearing because of the burning rays of the sun. She wasn’t superstitious and she didn’t see any signs in what was around her, she knew that what was happening to her body had nothing to do with the changes in the weather, but she found herself paying attention to it for a while as if her she-wolf was really waiting a sign.

- “I’ll cook you something, stay here and rest” – Lisa brought her back, getting up from the sofa quickly after having looked her up and down.

- “No, you don’t need to!”

- “No one stays hungry in my house and you need to be healthy. I know that face. It’s okay, say nothing, I know!”

Her complaints went unheard and Y/N watched her go straight to the kitchen, with that short and martial step that gave her a more terrible look than her sometimes stern glances. Still sitting in her place she listened to the noise of pots, doors and stoves, while the house came to life and she began to look around, observing one by one, all the photos that surrounded her, memories of a family and a full, chaotic, but happy life.

A pack.

***

Roman hadn't expected to see her come home at that hour, even if after all they hadn't spent time with each other lately as they had promised to do. He had felt her scent creep into his mind as soon as she had crossed the threshold even if he had not heard her footsteps, on tiptoe as if she had to avoid attracting too much attention and the noise of the car had not been enough to make him stop working. His instinct remained to make sure she was okay, but now he had one more reason to add to the list to check.

After the chat they had had in the morning, the wise man had left the last documents that Roman would take care of before the fight, unnecessary precautions for the new succession they would not use. Business had to be postponed until he had time. So sitting at his desk, he waited with them in his hand, feeling Y/N pause beyond the door for a moment before continuing in their room direction.

She spent a lot of time there, preferring the limited space to the whole house, with the sole exception of the garden and only because she could easily access their private part of the reserve for her runs. Roman hadn’t accompanied her lately, but she was missing for our to do them and as much as it would have done him good to stretch his legs there, focusing on his human side, more vulnerable was the best choice rightnow. In the renewed silence of the room he took care of the documents, signing the pages on which Jey’s name had now been replaced by Solo’s and after rereading everything one last time he stood up, glancing at the ulafala before heading to their bedroom.

When he entered, Y/N’s scent had mixed with the fragrance of the body oil she used after the shower, air was a little thicker, humid, even if the open window to the outside was already cleaning everything up, letting in the cold wind. He closed it in silence, seeing Y/N turn to check on him with a side glance from the bathroom, already wrapped in a shirt too big for her shoulders, hands busy softening her bare caramel-colored legs, her curls already hidden for the night.

- “You didn’t go for your run” - he noted, freeing himself from his watch, breathing deeply, searching the air for a trace of something he didn't want to find.

Her smell. Just her good smell.

- "Not today, I'm tired" - Y/N replied, busy finishing quickly to rest or maybe just avoid... something else.

It’s so sweet... Our mate.

He would never have let her shower alone before, not after being separated for so long and with that delicious smell on her. He would have helped her with the cream and oil, sliding his hands a little higher despite her complaints, until he buried his face between her soft folds until they were both so tired they couldn't take it anymore. He would listen to her complain for the pleasure of keeping him in line and torturing him, and then snuggle against his side and Roman would stay there listening to her breathing, as she drifted off to sleep peacefully and then he too would fall asleep knowing he had his world there with him.

Those days seemed far away now. Their bond thin, the two of them different people once again.

- “You’ve been out all day” – he said, as she put everything away without paying him attention.

- “I went to your mama’s house, she says you should shave your beard”

- “You like it”

- “I told her”

His lips curled into a smile that didn’t last more than a moment, as he too made himself comfortable. Moments like that were what he had wanted, conversations so familiar, but everything suddenly had a strange sound, a hidden meaning now that doubt had crept inside him.

- “You went only there, to her”

He didn’t want to ask, he shouldn’t have, Y/N was different, and yet he couldn’t help it.

His comment, almost a question, hung in the silence of the room, until Roman stepped out of the closet, meeting Y/N’s dark gaze, her scent the only thing surrounding him in their most private space.

- “Who else?” – he heard her ask back, suddenly tense.

And Roman took a deep breath, trying to keep calm, avoid thinking that his rush to finish the day was for some other reason and her tension hid what would bring out the worst in him. He could have asked his mom, even the driver who had been waiting for her all day, but it was between the two of them and he wanted to hear it from her. He needed to hear and know it was just nothing, a useless worry that he could forget.

- “I was asking about your day” - he tried, looking for a soft approach, but Y/N was already on the defensive.

- “Today?” - she asked and Roman ran a hand over his beard, hiding a grimace of disappointment.

She always had to push him, it was a power that only her had over him. No one else. She always found a way.

Breathing deeply he decided to abandon the plans and close the distance between them, reaching her in the bathroom without rushing to position himself behind her. Her scent insinuated itself into his veins, sliding inside him like a second skin, down his guts and to his head, reminding him of the first time he had smelled her. It still happened to him, every single time, an overwhelmed sensation in his bones, a deja vu of the soul finally whole and now unable to bear the thought of losing her for something or worse… someone else.

She’s everything, we need her with us.

- “You talked to Paul” – he revealed, looking at her reflection in the mirror still fogged up on one side.

Beautiful, perfect, her face so pretty and her sharp gaze now glued to him, staring at him with a shadow in her that Roman couldn’t ignore and made his anxiety grow.

- “It’s impossible not to talk to Paul if he wanders around the house at all hours as if he lives here” – Y/N pointed out to him, now like a statue but unable to hide her annoyance.

And it was a reaction that Roman knew well, because it was the only way she reacted if the wiseman was somehow involved, she had never changed opinion about him, but now it only pushed him to ask himself more questions. Paul followed him like a shadow, he was in his house constantly, he had been present since their first day together, but it had never gone well between them and for some reason Y/N had decided to have civil conversations with him only now. Maybe because she couldn't talk about certain things in front of him, with him, because he had already said no to her, because she knew how he would react and what would happen if he found out who she was trying to protect somehow.

- “Solo saw you two talking” - he reported, searching for a reaction in her expression – “… I asked Paul and he told me a few things about your conversations” – he admitted seriously, seeing something in her gaze change, the feeling of her wolf suddenly present.

Jey had run after him when he smelled her. He had found her before him, down in the city, he had tried to get close to her the same day saying he had smelled something in her scent, he had told him…

No, he has had a real mate for years. She is mine.

- “Of course he did, because you went to him before me” – Y/N accused him and Roman took a moment to take the blow, tension high between them now.

He had not disrespected her. He never would have. She was sacred to him, untouchable. That's why he had doubted anyone, but not her, because she had never been a possibility in his mind, he would have always chosen her and instead he had heard stories that questioned their bond. Stories that might not be crazy, that could explain her bad mood and his cousin's arrogance. It wasn't paranoia or disrespect, he was trying to understand and discuss it as she had made him promise.

- “I don't have to watch my back from you” - Roman tried to explain and maybe it was the hard tone, but his wolf clearly felt Y/N's bad mood like a weight on his chest.

- “But you want to know where I've been, who I've been with and what I've been doing”

- “You don't like what's happening, you're the one who told me Y/N”

- “How could I?”

- “You and Jey”-

- “Me and who?!” - she stopped him, turning to look him straight in the face this time.

He didn’t like hearing her say that name at all now, but the feeling of her offense through the bond, the pain the insinuation had caused her, the weight of her eyes on him blocked the growl in his throat.

- “Do you think I went to him? Or that I would go to him after everything that happened to you, after telling them to stay away?!” – she asked and even hiding it behind her armor, Roman felt her voice crack at the implications given her nature as an omega.

He didn’t have that opinion of her. He had fallen into the mistake of treating her according to some stereotypes at the beginning, yes, but it was a mistake he had corrected immediately, now he knew her. Y/N was so much more. He didn’t think certain things about her… she was everything to him and that was why he feared the implications of her bonding with someone else. He didn’t want to lose her, he couldn’t, he wouldn’t stand the idea, not even for a moment. He was trying to understand because of their bond, he would never have done it for anyone else, no one else mattered as much as she did.

He squeezed his eyes shut, giving in to an exhausted breath and leaned down to leave a kiss on her head, caressing her shoulders over the shirt, hoping to feel her relax and thus find peace for himself too.

- “You are my mate. You’re the only one I can trust, do you understand how important it is?” – he tried to explain, staring at their reflection together in the mirror.

Y/N remained still however, rigid in her place despite his caresses and Roman stopped, smelling her to maintain composure while the annoyance grew in his chest, abandoning that attempt, moving his gaze away to focus on her exposed neck where her weak point had been calling him since their first time, but in those days more than before.

Everything would have been easier with the mark, it would have been better for everyone and instead Roman was there asking questions and dragging out conversations, waiting to move on and leave those problems behind. It would be simple, it would be quick, it would open the doors to their future together, the one that his cousin threatened to take away from him and she seemed to want to keep away.

- “It doesn’t matter”- he heard her whisper, understanding the reason for Roman sudden trance and he straightened up suddenly, deciding that he had had enough for today.

It mattered instead. Maybe not for her who had grown up terrified of the idea of mates because of the traumas of her past, but it mattered more than anything else and soon she would understand it too. It was inevitable, as was the fight with Jey. Whatever the reason why Y/N had decided to talk with Paul, that didn't matter and neither did her efforts, real or otherwise, to stop them for the sake of one or the other. There was almost only one day left now and when it arrived, there would be nothing to do for Jey.

Protect the pack.

- “The wise man… he won’t bother you again” – he reassured her, seeing her raise her eyes to him again as she heard him walk away.

- “He’s fired?” – she asked without a hint of sarcasm, but it was something Roman couldn’t afford, not even to please her.

- “I’ll tell him to stay away from here. It’s your house”

What he could wasn’t enough though and Y/N’s expression changed again, getting worse even when his phone started ringing from the next room, almost as if the wise man had been waiting for the perfect moment to enter the scene. Roman had given him a mission, one to make up for what he had done, an advantage that would have already been a checkmate to the wannabe alpha if it had been successful. Something it was better for Y/N not to know, at least not at the moment.

Next to him Y/N didn’t even wait to see him take the phone, before getting up and turning her back to him. Her sixth sense or her bad mood perhaps guiding her.

- “I’m tired, I’m going to bed” – she murmured without trying any further to fix things and Roman watched her climbing between pillows and sheets, to curl up in a corner, shifting into the immobile figure with whom he now shared his nights.

***

It was starting to get cold. There was one night left until the harvest moon and therefore the new season.

Him and Naomi hadn’t bought a house near the reserve, they preferred the city with its lights and noises to the endless sea of trees and desolate roads frequented only by foreigns, but he could feel it even from there. The air was humid outside, there was the smell of wet grass and the clouds passed too often in the dark sky, carried by the wind that rose from the ocean to gather on the green barrier of the reserve. In a few weeks there would be no more announcements for visitors and their bonfires, but reports on TV about weather and risks for the population. It was the most uncertain time of the year.

With his hood pulled up tightly over his head, shaking off the cold, he checked one last time the backyard where his kids had played with the dogs before dinner. Nao had told him to take care of it the next day, but mama had raised him well and he couldn’t go and lie down on the bed to rest knowing that she would be the one to do it for him when he got up at dawn for other chores the next morning.

He had reached the pool when something at the end of the backyard, however, seemed to move in the dark and with a green ball he had recovered in his hand, he went to check, leaving his searches pending. He thought it was some animal that had climbed over the fence from the back gate, but he found himself in front of something bigger.

- “ ‘aight you scared the shit out of me, you know that uce?!” – he complained, glaring at Solo who was standing on the path, with a black hood on his head too.

He was standing there dressed like a thief, with his usual dark expression, almost avoiding breathing and Jimmy had thought the worst for a moment as he approached. Even after all those years he still didn't understand how it had been possible for his lil brother to change so much, but unfortunately he knew the answer, the street and a certain lifestyle have that effect if you have no one to back you up when you really need it and the boy who sang in his room and in the kitchen, so similar to him, had disappeared for a while now.

- “Whatchu doing out here huh? It's late, you shouldn't be walking around at this hour like a damn thief” – he scolded him, playfully throwing him Marley’s toy, but Solo didn't move, letting the green ball fall at his feet with a ridiculous sound.

He should have been home by this time, he had kids too, a wife soon, it was no time to sneak in through the back gate and set up an ambush in the backyard dressed like that.

For a long moment Solo didn’t move, even though Jimmy wasn’t expecting much anyway, remaining silent and staring at him, his dark eyes shining for the moonlight filtering through the clouds, hitting him and his chain. He looked older than the last time Jimmy had seen him, it was weird.

- “I need to know if you’re sure” – he said after a while, his voice low but soft compared to how such a badass he looked.

- “Yep, I’m sure, it’s late kid! Get yo ass home! Move!” – he nodded, looking at him.

- “I’m talking about Jey. You sure you want to be on his side?”

That’s why he’s here.

Jimmy let his head loll forward, his hands on his hips, as he let out a heavy breath.

The idea that all the chaos would soon end and with it, the dictatorial reign that his crazy cousin had established for years relieved him, but he felt the weight of what was happening weighing on his shoulders. He had been the one who started it all, the first to rebel and yet his brothers were the most involved, even though he was the eldest.

Jey had become so serious, he was quieter and more withdrawn every day, he was already fighting in his head and even being close to him, step by step, every second, Jimmy felt that something was already missing. Jey… he spoke to the elders alone, he decided alone, thought without leaving the bond open for him, their synchronicity had broken and Jimmy was starting to worry about him, he didn't want to see him crushed by burdens and obligations, he didn't want him to change like Roman had.

And Solo… he had taught him how to ride a bike, taken him to get his first tattoo and yelled at him for bad grades in school when pops forgot he had a house to go and do what almost all the men in their family did. He hadn’t always been there for him like he should have, but he was still his brother and he really couldn’t stand seeing him come back like a puppy to Roman, with his absurd and toxic ideas.

- “You shouldn’t be here asking stupid questions at this hour, idiot. We are brothers, twins. You’re the one on the wrong side, I’m sure” – he looked him over and something in Solo’s expression changed.

He had never understood what the hell was going through his head, but maybe it was the right night to start.

Maybe he had gone there at night to avoid Roman, maybe doubts and suspicions had made their way inside him too seeing how big uce was behaving, maybe he was already tired of doing everything he ordered and the blood had called him home. Jimmy and Jey were his brothers, Roman was family, but it wasn’t the same, he’d never been there for him and he didn’t really know him. Maybe going to war for him, was too much.

- “Solo listen…” - he began, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder – “it’s not too late for change side” – he said.

Brother.

Together they could do it. They would have each other’s backs. Together as a pack, lone wolves never came to a happy end, mama always said it.

Solo looked at him strangely, his dark eyes moving to the hand that Jimmy had put on his shoulder, before looking back at him and doing the same gesture.

- “I’m sorry”- he said, but Jimmy didn’t have time to reassure him.

His fingers tightened quickly around his hoodie, swinging him with all his weight out of the gate, slamming him down onto the street with a blow straight to the throat. The contact with the sidewalk, the pain that shot through his head as his temple hit, made him so dizzy that the next few seconds were a blur. All Jimmy felt was pain, everywhere, and blows coming over and over everywhere, as Solo held him down with one knee pressed into his chest. He reached out his hands, grabbing his hoodie, the ground, scratching the asphalt, the moonlight and the street lights mixing in confused trails in his eyes. He wanted to speak, to react, but he couldn’t and his head felt like a toy in his little brother’s hands, bouncing everywhere and making his ears ring. He felt the taste of blood on his tongue and its consistency on his skin, running down his cheek and down his back, his muscles giving way to kicks and punches, his shoulder bent like it shouldn’t have. He felt like an inanimate body at the mercy of a blind and resigned fury, he took it in the void of his head, trying to keep the bond with Naomi closed so she wouldn’t come out, so she wouldn’t see. He had no idea how long it had taken Solo to reduce him to an inanimate body, but just as he had started, he stopped. Through his swollen eye, with the distorted vision he had at that moment, Jimmy only glimpsed his shadow, standing beside him for a moment before disappering, not a word, not another glance before they parted again. Or so he thought. He didn’t know, he didn’t understand at that moment. He lay there, struggling, trying to recover whatever strength he had left, his mind wandering, confused by physical and mental pain, fighting to stay awake. He tried to change to recover, but he couldn’t, it hurt, and so he dragged himself to the gate, trudging in a filthy trail to Marley’s toy to squeeze it with his last energy.

In the end, Naomi would have to go get him too.

Tag squad: @sunnyfleur23 @racerchix21 @alyyaanna @expert-texpert @romanreignsdefencesquad @romanstheory @surdelcielo @keybladeofsteel @msbigredmachine @nayys-world @gobbersworld @utika151209 @cumxxslutt @civildawn @romanmydaddy @triscillal @papireigns-05 @helensanders92 @darqchilddaydreamz @harmshake @sortudademais @unfriendly--blvck--hottie @nicolewoo @joannasteez @reignsx @kianaleani @daguenoire @extra-11 @333creolelady @snowpanda18 @brattyfics @mzv11 @romanreignseater @dreamsinfocus @vebner37 @depressedneedingrevenge @cyberdejos2 @mahi-wayy @jxtina-86 @southerngirl41 @smile1318 @headoftheetable @wrestlingprincess80

[lizthewriter]

Hi! I love your fan fictions! I was wondering (First time requesting ever) if you could do a FIC for Mattheo or Theodore based on exile and the readers dealing with self hate,anxiety, autsim, adhd, Depression, and they feel so alone and push him away because the readers scared to accept her feelings and afraid she’ll get left, and no one loves or cares about her?

AUTHOR'S NOTE Oh my God, thank you so much for sending in a request! This is actually the first request I have ever received, so this is a first for us both! By exile, I'm assuming you mean the song exile by Taylor Swift. Here's a little blurb just for you anon! And thank you for the compliment, I'm glad you love my fanfics! Sending love and good vibes your way

Honestly, I tried my best with this. I've gone through depression and self-hate, and I am currently dealing with anxiety and ADHD. I don't know too much about autism, but I really tried my hardest to convey what you've requested. I hope this is satisfactory!

exile / mattheo riddle

PAIRING Mattheo Riddle x fem!Reader

SUMMARY Everything in your life feels like it's going wrong and there's nothing you can do to change it. What once brought you joy only leaves you numb. What once excited you now only bored you. What you loved only saw you as a friend.

Taking shelter in an empty classroom during a panic attack, Mattheo Riddle finds you a sobbing mess on the stone floors. You find out that he likes you more than you think he does.

TAGS Mattheo Riddle x fem!Reader, angst, hurt/comfort, self-hate, depression, anxiety, stress, ADHD, autism, exams, panic attack, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, fluff, happy ending, kissing

"All this time, / we always walked a very thin line, / you didn't even hear me out," - exile, Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver

WORD COUNT 2.0K

WRITTEN 23.08.2023

pt. 2 here, karma

You sat in Transfiguration, leg bouncing nervously as you stared down at the test questions. You have always been a terrible test-taker - all the pressure of having to get good marks in such a limited time period and all this weight on your shoulders with the upcoming NEWT's made you more than nervous. Your brows were furrowed in both concentration and confusion. As you were gnawing on the end of your quill, McGonagall announced that it was time for you to place your quills down and pack your things. You let out a shaky sigh, placing down your quill. How could you not answer a simple question? Everyone else seemed to be finding the material easy, why couldn't you? You sat there, beating yourself up as you quickly packed your things away and left class.

You left Transfiguration by yourself and headed back to your dorm. Not only were you doing poorly in your classes, you also happened to be insanely in love with someone in your year. And, of course, you had to fall in love with the most unavailable person. Not only was he not interested in girls, he would never be interested in someone like you. I mean, why would he? What made you so special? And he has referred to you as a mate on so many occasions that if you had a nickel for every one, you'd surely be drowning in an ocean of them. Oh, and not only that, but you didn't really have friends. Most of the people you knew were dating and had at least one best friend. But you? No, you may know a variety of people but you couldn't call any of them a good friend, even. You didn't understand what you were doing wrong. Why was everyone else living happy, productive lives while you were stuck being miserable, alone, and depressed?

I mean, you lost all interest in everything. You couldn't find the joy in reading or taking walks about the grounds anymore. Your schoolwork was taking a turn for worse and you found yourself and bored and tired of your classes. Your grades were slipping, you had no friends, no partner, no nothing. Everything just felt wrong, wrong, wrong. And all you could do was sit there and blame yourself.

You knew you wouldn't be able to make it to your dorm to find the privacy to cry- you quickly ducked into the nearest room, curled up into the corner, and burst into sobs. It was all just too much and too little at the same time. You just felt like you couldn't deal with all this anymore. If you didn't deserve to be happy, than maybe you didn't deserve to be at all. Your hands bunched up into fists, lightly hitting your head at your temples. You hated your thoughts, the way your brain worked. You hated how you could think about everything all at once. You just wanted it all to stop, all to end.

You didn't hear the sounds of footsteps passing the classroom - Mattheo had only been walking by, skipping out on Potions, when he heard you. When he glanced into the classroom and saw you crying there, he couldn't help himself.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

You froze, sniffling, your chest heaving for air. You hadn't heard him and was caught off guard. Quickly, you wiped your face with the edge of your sleeve, collecting your bag from the ground and hiking it up your shoulder. "Nothing - nothing's wrong."

He ducked his head, his lips set into a thin-line as he observed you. "I'm not stupid. I can see that you're crying."

Great. Now you had offended the only person, perhaps, that even cared to talk to you for more than five minutes. He must hate you right now. Depise you. Think you to be cruel. "I didn't mean to say you were stupid." It was hard to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over the threshold. You wiped your eyes with the end of your sleeve again. Why should he care about you? He must be pitying you now, surely he would have no other reason to act so concerned. Even if he did, he would one day realize that you were never as good as he thought you.

His gaze softened, the edges of his lips curling up slightly. He approached you, raising his hand to wipe away a tear that had collected in the inner corner of your eye. "'S all right, darling. Don't cry. Just talk with me about it, hm?"

Your chest heaved as you took in a shaky breath. "W-why do you care? I'm sure you have better things to do." You let out a weak laugh, backing away from his touch. "I mean, come on, don't you have Potions right now?"

"Why do I - I care about you. Do you need a reason why?"

"Yes, I do, actually," you responded, cringing at how snarky you sounded.

Mattheo let out a sigh. "I care about you because you're beautiful, inside and out. I care about you because you make me laugh. And you make me feel better when I've had a shit day. I care about you because no one makes my heart flutter like you do." His voice got smaller as he took a step towards you, and gradually raised his hands to cup your cheeks. He drew your gaze to his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes. His expression was rather serious, as though he were trying to affirm his words. "I care about you cause you're the only person who's ever really cared about me."

You trembled beneath the soft caress of his knuckcles, meeting his eyes for a short moment before shoving him away. A brief moment of hurt echoed through his eyes as you shook your head, backing away from him. "No, no you don't. I don't. And even if you did . . . " You found your voice trailing off. You hiked the strap of your bag up your shoulder again, having slipped down your arm. "I should go. I have History of Magic soon and I don't want to be late."

Mattheo glanced at you and then down at the floor, his jaw clenched. "Fine. I won't stand in your way then."

-

You spent the majority of your time avoiding Mattheo, but you knew there'd be a day when you would run into him and you couldn't do anything about it. Today was that day, almost two weeks after the aforementioned incident.

You were curled up in the Astronomy Tower, late at night, lying on top of a blanket as you glanced up at the stars. It was perhaps the only moment of peace you had found in a while - maybe it was the whistle of wind or the glittering of the stars.

You should've known he'd be up here. He's always sneaking off places late at night, the highest points of the castle. You heard your name being called and turned around to see a surprised Mattheo. He stood but a few feet from yourself. You weren't exactly sure what to do - in your panic, you did nothing.

"Erm - may I sit down?"

You didn't say anything for a moment, drawing your legs into your chest and resting your head upon your knees. You nodded ever so slightly, glancing away from him as he plopped down next to you. His shoulder brushed up against yours and he leaned forward to try and catch your eyes, mimicking your seated position.

"Hey, I'm sorry about the other day. I should've stayed there with you . . ." His voice trailed off. He let out a sigh as he leaned back on both palms, now spraying out his legs across the blanket. He stared put at the stars, his expression neither upset nor particularly happy. "I don't think you really meant it when you said you didn't care about me. I know you do. I just want to know why you're trying to convince yourself that you don't." He paused, hesitating. "Is it because you think I don't feel the same way about you? 'Cause you can erase that thought from your mind. I like you - really, really like you. And I don't know why exactly you keep pushing me away, but I want you to know that I'm here to listen."

He bathed in your silence, not necessarily perturbed by it. He finally decided to test the waters, raising his hand to gently touch yours. He seemed fascinated with you as he ran his fingernail gently across your skin.

You didn't know whether you wanted to tell him or not. You didn't know if you could trust him. If he wouldn't just laugh in your face, call you a fool, and leave you a pitiful mess. But Salazar, did you want to spill your heart out to him. And in the mental state you were in now, coupled with your fatigue, you didn't even care anymore.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have any friends. I'm not particularly close with my family. And everytime I did start to make a friend or - or something more, they'd just leave." You wrapped your arms tighter around your legs. "I always wondered, what's wrong with me? Do I say the wrong things? Act the wrong way? Am I really so despisable that people actively go out of their way to ignore me?" You scoffed. "Guess I must be some kind of horrible person then."

"That's not true," Mattheo said immediately, surging forward in anger. "You're an amazing person. Whoever has just left you or treated you like that, they're arseholes. I won't do that to you. Never. I don't care how many times I have to say it 'til it gets through that pretty little head of yours, I like you, I care about you, I want to make you happy . . . and if leaving you alone and pretending like I never admitted that to you makes you happy, then that's what I'll do." He waited for your response, painfully hoping for a verbal one. However, you remained silent. Mattheo felt his heart sink. "Right then. Well."

He began to push himself off the floor to get up, but you quickly grabbed his hand. "Wait!" you exclaimed in alarm, finally meeting his eyes. "I - I lied before. I do care about you. Please don't go. Please."

Mattheo sat back down with an easy-going grin, like he knew he had you right where he wanted you.

"You really like me?" You asked, both breathless and doubtful all at once.

"Do you need me to prove it to you?" His grin grew smug.

"Yes, actually."

"All right then." Mattheo raised his hand to rest under your chin, tilting your head slightly to the side so you were facing him directly. Your eyes widened as he drew closer, his eyes glancing between your eyes and your lips. Breath growing shallow, you tensed as you could feel his humid breath on your lips. "I can prove it to you right now, if you let me."

You wasted no time in smashing your lips against his, hands coming up to cup both of his cheeks. Your eyes were shut tight as you relished in the feeling of his buttery smooth lips running against yours. He was a bit more passionate tha you had expected, but he had been waiting for years to do this. And whatever his imagination could try to conjure, it was nothing compared to the real thing.

Mattheo was the one to pull away but he was soon back to give you a quick peck, sming against your lips. "You're amazing - I don't think I'll ever be leaving you after a kiss like that."

You finally grinned, a true grin, gor the first time in a long time, and brought his face back down to yours to kiss under the stars.

Thank you all for reading! Be sure to like, reblog, and comment! I really appreciate it ^^. If you have any requests, by inbox is open but make sure to check the list of characters I write for here. If you want to be tagged in any upcoming fics/headcanons of mine, let me know. If you want to see more from me, go ahead and check out my masterlist here!

[ethical-cain-vinnel]

hear me out, you and anakin have been enemies for years like just constant head butting and competition, and one day y’all both are training and your both trying to show off competitively, and afterwards, just to piss him if you say your master is kind of attractive or something and what happens next happens 🤭 sorry i’m famished for enemies to lovers anakin stuff

RAHHHHHH I LOVE THIS IDEA THIS HAS ME LEGIT FOAMING AT THE MOUTH THANK YOU GIRLBOSS

SPOILED BITCH

Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x reader

Teaser Trailer: Your Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi usually has you and Anakin separated when training. He’s worried that the animosity between you two could eventually lead to one of you getting hurt because you two don’t know when to stop. But today, on the rest day for training, he’s woken you two up and has decided that you two would hash out your differences and train together for the first (and probably last) time.

Tags/Warnings: Bickering, porn with plot, very little use of Y/N, no gendered terms (girl, she/her, etc) but AFAB anatomy (im sorry idk how to write AMAB anatomy), hatefucking, lowkey dubcon at the start but quickly turns consensual, mentions of Padme (they’re broken up in this), bath sex, rough sex, little to no prep (make sure to prep irl or that shit HURTS, coming from your local whore), unprotected p in v (don’t be silly, wrap ya willy), choking, fluff at the end

Notes: IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I LOWKEY HAD NO IDEA HOW TO START IT LMFAO but im really glad you sent this in cause I had a lot of fun writing this!! I did change it a little bit but it still has that enemies to lovers plot that you said you were jonesing for so I hope you like it! Also im so sorry if anakin is ooc i really tried to make him true to his character.

In the heart of the Jedi Temple, a place of serenity and wisdom, were two dickheads who couldn’t stop bickering and driving their master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, absolutely insane. Every word moved him more and more to the dark side (kidding, not kidding). “You’ll never be a true Jedi, Skywalker,” You taunted, your eyes flashing with defiance. “You let your emotions control you too easily.” “And you’re too focused on rules and regulations,” he shot back, his tone dripping with disdain. “The Jedi Code has made you blind to the real world.” You were about to respond when your master spoke. “Enough. Both of you.” He turns around and gives you both a sharp glare. This shuts you both right up. “Sorry, Master,” You both mumble like scolded children. Obi-Wan sighs and continues taking you to the training ground.

When you arrive at the grounds, you and Anakin shoot each other confused looks before Obi-Wan begins to speak. “In the past, I have not let you two train together. This is because I am afraid one, if not both of you, will have bad physical injuries by the end. But,” Flashes of annoyance and exhaustion from months of your constant bickering show in his eyes. “You two have officially worn me down. Today, you will train together. I will not be supervising because I feel you two should work this out by any means necessary. As long as you both come out of the training alive, I don’t care what happens here.” You begin to feel a bit guilty. You and Anakin have indeed pushed your master to his limits. But that’s quickly replaced by excitement and needing to beat Anakin.

Obi-Wan laid out the rules of the training before quickly leaving the grounds. With Obi-Wan's departure, you and Anakin found yourselves standing on the training ground, lightsabers in hand, the tension thick enough to slice through. Anakin couldn't resist taking the first jab, both verbally and physically. "Well, Y/N, let's see if you can back up all that talk." You smirked, your eyes glinting with determination. "Oh, Anakin, I've been waiting for this moment. Let's see if you can finally prove that you're not all bark and no bite." The clash of lightsabers rang out as the duel commenced, the blades creating sparks of energy that mirrored the sparks flying between you. "You're still too aggressive, Anakin," you taunted, sidestepping his lunge. "The Force doesn't respond well to blind rage, you know," Anakin grunted, his frustration evident. "And you're too busy following the rule book to see the big picture. Sometimes, you have to do what's necessary." Your retort came swiftly, "Sometimes, what's necessary isn't letting your emotions run rampant. That's how we fall to the dark side." The battle raged, each strike and parry accompanied by another biting remark. It was as if the Force itself reveled in your ongoing rivalry, fueling the intensity of the duel.

"You know, Anakin, maybe if you focused on your training more than your obsession with winning, you'd improve," you quipped, dodging a particularly aggressive swipe from his lightsaber. Anakin's eyes blazed with anger, and he pushed harder, but you deftly countered his every move. "And maybe if you let loose a bit, you'd discover there's more to the Force than ancient texts and lectures." Your movements became fluid, almost graceful, as you expertly parried Anakin's attacks. "I'll take wisdom over recklessness any day, Anakin." As the duel continued, your words stung as much as your strikes, and it was clear that Anakin was growing frustrated, his resolve wavering. He overextended himself in a moment of vulnerability, leaving an opening you quickly seized. With a swift maneuver, you disarmed him, sending his lightsaber flying out of his grasp. You held your lightsaber at his throat, a triumphant smile on your lips. "Checkmate," you declared, breathing heavily but victorious.

Later that night, you were getting ready for bed. The training with Anakin was rewarding but so fucking tiring. You had bruises and small cuts all over your body that stung as you entered the hot bath, the salts meant for relaxation causing your muscles to tense up and a small, involuntary whimper to leave your mouth. As you sunk deeper into the water, you relaxed more. Your cuts still stung, but it was all worth it to wipe that stupid smile off of your rival’s face. God, his stupid face. You had no idea what Padme sees in him. His stupid brooding blue eyes, his full lips that always turn into a scowl when he sees you. Fuck. Even you, his number one rival, can’t deny that he’s really hot. You’re snapped out of your thoughts when you hear someone enter the bathroom. You immediately make sure your entire body is below the water, the bubbles covering you. You look to see who it is and it’s Anakin. “Anakin, what the FUCK?? GET OUT!” you begin to scream when he covers your mouth, glaring down at you as he leans over the tub. Your voice got caught in your throat as his glare sent shivers down your spine and warmth down to your pussy. When he can tell you’ve officially shut up, he slowly takes his hand off of your mouth and for a moment, you two just stare at each other, a mix of hatred and lust. “You're a real spoiled bitch, you know that?” he seethes and you scoff. “Oh, I’m spoiled cause I was able to put you in your place?” His hand shoots to grab your neck, choking you slightly and you let out a small whimper, not expecting it. He smirks and pulls you into a rough kiss, your mind going a million miles an hour. You pull away and he lets you, not wanting to force you into anything you don’t want to do. “What is wrong with you??” You say, obviously bothered. “You’re dating Padme and you’re trying to kiss me and fuck me?? What is wrong with you??” You fume. He smirks a bit, thinking your reaction is a bit funny. “Padme and I broke up a month ago.” Those words make your jaw drop and your eyes practically bug out of your skull.

But he knows that all of your inhibitions were limited only to him not being single, as you immediately pull him into another heated kiss, tongue and teeth clashing as you help him hastily strip off his robes and you pull him into the tub with you. You lay back against the porcelain and he gets on top of you, his hand coming up to choke you slightly again. He begins to kiss down your neck and to your collarbone, his free hand coming to pinch your soapy tits and you whine. Your hand found his cock in the water and lined him up with your entrance. He quickly pushed in and gave you no time to adjust to his (massive) size as he began pounding you roughly. “Stupid spoiled bitch. Always a pain in my ass yet I’m dicking you down.” He mumbles breathily as his cock hits your g spot over and over again, leaving you breathless. “Say thank you.” He demands but you’re already too fucked out to hear. It isn’t until he slaps you across the face that you can listen. “I fucking said thank me. Do it and maybe I’ll let you cum tonight” “Thank you!! Thank you Anakin!!” You moan loudly and his hand comes back to your throat, a smirk on his face “Yea thats what I fuckin’ thought. Good fuckin slut f’me. So fuckin good” He pants as he fucks your pussy with reckless abandon. He can feel your cunt clenching on him, signaling that you’re close to cumming and if he wasn’t also on the brink, he woulda stopped right then and there and ruined your orgasm. “Cum f’me. Cum f’me, baby” He moans and the chord in your belly snaps, covering his cock with your juices as you moan his name. He whimpers softly and you feel as he fills you up with his cum. You’re both left panting and after a few moments you two start to laugh softly, looking at the mess you made. Water and bubbles all over the floor, the water in the tub left white and milky and your bodies sweaty and bruised. He looks at you in a way he never has before and he leans down to kiss you sweetly. “C’mon. Stand up and I’ll help you shower” He says with a sweet smile. You have a feeling things are going to be different from now on between you.

[barnesafterglow]

three's a party

summary: you and steve aren't very good at keeping secrets

pairing: stucky x reader

word count: 2.7k

warnings: mmf threesome, fingering, unprotected sex, dvp, surprisingly soft for this kind of content, we support poly relationships in this house

a/n: hiii omg this has been the fic i've been most excited for since i started kinktober and i finally managed to finish it. it's a part two to this fic but can be read as a stand alone as well. i really really hope you all love this as much as i loved writing it, so reblog and comment to let me know!

you can join my kinktober taglist or follow @theafterglowlibrary to stay updated on when i post 🤍

kinktober masterlist ─ main masterlist

read part one here

It was the same routine as usual - Steve’s hands all over you before you even had a chance to get into the apartment.

“Bucky home?” you asked, out of breath from how long he had held you in place to kiss you.

“Nope.” He fumbled behind your back, reaching to open the door.

Neither of you stopped to question the fact that it was already unlocked. Or that the lights were on. You were too wrapped up in each other to notice much of anything until Steve finally picked you up to carry you to his room and saw Bucky in the kitchen.

Steve dropped you immediately, taking a step away, as if that would make things better. As if Bucky hadn’t seen you with your shirt halfway off, your legs wrapped tightly around his waist. His jeans were still unbuttoned, for Christ’s sake.

You expected Bucky to be furious, to yell at the two of you and tell you hated you. Instead, he said nothing, and you took in his posture - casually leaning against the counter, a smirk on his face. Almost like he had been waiting for you.

“Well don’t stop on my account.”

Shit.

You looked over to Steve and met his eye. Then you looked back at Bucky, who was just staring at the two of you intently; you looked down at your shoes to avoid it.

“I’m serious.” Your head snapped up, and suddenly you caught something else in his eyes - dark, pupils blown, and the gleam of cockiness. “Keep going.”

When neither of you moved, he started towards… Steve’s room? He looked back at you, and gestured his head for you to follow. Having no clue what else to do, wanting to appease him so there was a possibility you could maintain your friendship, you followed.

“Sit,” he ordered when the three of you were in the room. You both did as you were told, and your eyes followed his movements as he shut the door.

You stayed silent, still having no idea what to think of the whole situation. You also sat as far away from Steve as was possible for the same reason.

“Touch her like you usually would,” he said to Steve, gesturing to you. Steve stared at him terrified. “Don’t act shy now. Like you haven’t been doing it a wall away for weeks.”

The room was silent, save for the sharp gasps of surprise from you and Steve. You couldn’t believe it - that Bucky even knew in the first place, but also that he wasn’t mad. Instead he just looked… interested.

“What are you doing?” Your voice cracked asking the question, a healthy dose of confusion combined with a dash of fear and a sprinkle of arousal. No, that couldn’t be right. There’s no way you could be getting hot over Bucky telling you he wanted to watch.

“If you don’t do it, Stevie, I will.” The look on his face was absolutely dripping with cockiness - dominance. You’d never heard Bucky talk like that, in the whole time you were dating. Sure, he had liked to throw you around and spank you every once in a while, but nothing like the hold that Steve had over you. And what’s more, Steve listened.

He turned towards you and you hesitantly did the same. Your knees touched, finally truly facing each other for the first time since you had walked into the apartment and seen Bucky.

When he put a hand on your bare knee, he looked at Bucky, who nodded, then back to you. And you nodded too. Wherever this was going - good or bad - you had to find out.

Steve took a deep breath, putting his other hand on your and sliding them up your thighs. Finally, he brought his mouth to yours, kissing you timidly at first, but when you heard a quiet encouragement from Bucky, he deepened it. 

It was easy to get lost in Steve. He was something otherworldly - his mouth, his hands, his everything. The spark you felt for him was something entirely different from the way you felt - had felt, you had to remind yourself - about Bucky.

Except, with his eyes on you like that, it was easy to forget why you even ended things in the first place.

Steve moved his hand towards your core, resting a hand against the wet patch that was apparent in your tight shorts. His thumb found your clit through the fabric and he pressed harshly, pulling a needy moan from you. When you realized what you did, you pulled back, immediately looking at Bucky.

You weren’t sure what to expect anymore. So when you saw he was sporting an impressive bulge in his grey sweatpants, it turned you on more than it surprised you.

He was leaning back against the bedroom door, just watching. You couldn’t help but just stare until Steve took your attention away by tugging on your shirt - a shirt that was Bucky’s, you realized as it hit the floor. You saw the flash of hunger as he realized it too, but your eyes fell closed when Steve pushed you back onto the bed, latching his mouth to your nipple, sucking and biting as he rolled the other one between his fingers.

The most unusual thing about this was how little Steve was talking. Usually, he had the filthiest mouth you had ever heard, but he was relishing in your body. And in the audience he had. Maybe you shouldn’t have been surprised that he was okay putting on a show, considering all the other things he had done to you - and you to him - but the realization that he was enjoying this as much as Bucky clearly was, made you clench around nothing.

He must have felt it, because then he was pulling away and tugging your shorts down your legs. Suddenly, you were naked in front of the two most gorgeous men you had even seen in your life, and they stared at you - fully clothed, no less - like they would worship at your altar.

They glanced at each other, and Steve finally spoke for the first time.

“I’m assuming you’re not going to just stand there and watch?” And that was the only permission needed.

You expected him to put his hands on you, kiss you and touch and give you what you clearly wanted. Instead, he reached for Steve, pressing his lips desperately to the other man’s. If Steve was surprised, he didn’t show it, giving his all into the kiss just as much.

Watching in amazement, a moan slipped from your lips.

“You like that, baby?” There was Steve’s filthy mouth.

“We better let her in on the fun, Stevie.”

Bucky reached for the hem of Steve’s shirt, pulling it from his body. Then, he leaned down to kiss you.

For the first time in over a year, sparks flew between you and Bucky. It was like for a moment, you were the only two people in the world. The only thing that could draw you out of it was Steve’s hands spreading your thighs. 

He placed a light slap to each of them, then manhandled you to the center of the bed. With one hand slowly creeping towards your center, he kissed Bucky again, pulling off his shirt too. When they separated, Bucky tugged his sweatpants down, and you were both bare. The only stitch of clothing left in the room was Steve jeans.

“C’mon Stevie,” you teased. “You can’t be comfortable in those jeans.”

A smirk spread across his face, and he slid his body from the bed. As he stripped down, Bucky took his place between your legs. Content to share, he let a finally naked Steve settle next to him, and they both looked down at you with a glint of pure need in their eyes.

Bucky reached down, running his hands gently along your thighs - everywhere except the spot you needed him. You tried to maneuver your hips so that he was where you wanted, but a large hand pressed down on your stomach, keeping you pinned to the bed.

“Be good,” Steve tsked, and your wide eyes met his as Bucky finally slid two fingers through your folds. Your hips tried to buck up instinctively, but Steve kept you in place while his best friend sunk his fingers into you.

You threw your head back into the pillows, the feeling already overwhelming. Steve was big, but you had always had a weakness for Bucky’s hands. You were so wound up that you thought you may come from just that, then Bucky crooked his fingers just right, and you did.

Steve lifted his hand and let you rock your hips against Bucky to ride out your orgasm. Your eyes finally fluttered open to see Steve sucking on Bucky’s fingers, tasting you.

It was a wonder you didn’t come again, especially when they were both looking at you like you were the only thing they could see.

Bucky leaned forward, kissing you gently, a contrast from how he had just been. He looked into your eyes like he was seeing into you, could see you into your soul and again you wondered how you could have ever let a man like him get away.

The spell was broken by Steve maneuvering you, moving on the bed until he was behind you, his strong thighs caging you in on either side. And Bucky - oh, Bucky - wasted no time in settling in between both of you, taking no time to tease, and sunk into you in one thrust.

The moan you let out was borderline pornographic, not used to the way he stretched you out. It was different than Steve, so much different, and you had missed Bucky more than you let yourself admit.

He grinded against you, not pulling out, just rolling his hips. You knew what he was trying to do, knew he wanted you to beg, and you weren’t too proud to do it.

“Please, Buck,” you whined, high and needy. “Need you to move, please.”

He leaned down and bit harshly on your bottom lip at the same time he pulled out and thrust back into you. An ungodly sound left you, something between a scream and a moan. On top of it all, Steve reached around you, pinching both nipples harshly.

Overstimulated, you came around Bucky’s cock. You’d never come from so little, and despite the fact that both men - separately - had given you many more orgasms in a single night, you were already exhausted.

But not exhaustion could keep Bucky from pounding into you, hard and fast. Steve grabbed your tits, squeezing them as they bounced from the force of Bucky’s thrusts. You threw your head back, resting on his shoulder, and you turned your head to see both of them entranced in each other before finally marrying their lips together.

Seeing them, seeing the love that was clearly there, gave you a funny feeling. It was definitely something you all would have to talk about once your brain was working again.

You whined when Bucky pulled out, but he grabbed your chin and made you look at him before you could beg him to keep fucking you.

“Do you trust me?” he asked, eyes searching yours.

“Of course.”

His eyes flicked to Steve’s for a moment, and you felt the connection they had, somehow always knowing what the other was thinking.

“Turn around, baby.” Steve’s voice was low and heavy in your ear. His and Bucky’s hands both turned you so you were straddling him, and he laid his back down on the bed.

Bucky took hold of your hips lifting you as he allowed one hand to move down and grasp Steve’s cock. He gave it a few pumps before helping you sink down on him.

Yours and Steve’s moans were complementary, twining together and spindling throughout the room. And Bucky’s hot breaths behind you was a perfect chorus.

“Gonna get you open now, sweetheart,” Bucky said, pressing a smattering of kisses to your shoulder before he pushed you down so that your chest was pressed against Steve’s. You didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but you had an idea, and you trusted him completely.

You felt his fingers drawing gentle patterns on the inside of your thighs, Steve still unmoving inside you. Then, he slipped a finger in beside Steve’s cock, drawing a sharp gasp from your lips. You made a move to sit up, but Steve’s hand pressed into your back, keeping you close to him.

Once you relaxed, Bucky added a second finger, then a third. The stretch was amazing and, if it was going where you thought it was going, it would only get better.

“It feel good, baby?” You opened your eyes - you hadn’t even realized you had closed them - and looked at Steve. There was something in his stare that was different, like he was seeing you differently. You were almost tempted to say something about it, but Bucky was moving behind you, and you had to look away. Over your shoulder, Bucky smiled softly at you.

“Do you trust me?” he asked again, and you nodded your head.

He ran his hand down your back, drawing an unknown pattern along your spine, before he pushed into you, his cock sliding against Steve’s to split you open.

It knocked the breath out of you, and you didn’t know if you could take it, but Steve and Bucky both recognized the sliver of panic creeping into you, and they placed sweet kisses and gave you words of encouragement.

You’re doing great, baby.

Look how well you’re taking us, sweetheart.

I love -

You had to stop yourself from saying the words. You didn’t know who you were even saying it to. Or it was to both of them. Yeah, it was definitely both of them. Shit.

It felt like you were losing your mind, in more ways than one. Thoughts and emotions were flying through your head then suddenly they were punched out by the feeling of Steve and Bucky beginning to move.

They were so gentle, letting you get used to the pace, to the stretch, to the intense feeling of everything you had ever felt being magnified by ten. One hundred. One thousand.

Slowly, as your breathing evened out and your whimpers turned to moans, they sped up. 

It was dizzying, the feel of two massive men taking you like that. You didn’t think you would ever feel anything so good again. When they both thrust deep into you at the same time, the orgasm that had been building since Bucky slid inside you snapped, and you came all over their cocks, in tears from the intense pleasure of it all.

The feel of your tightness was enough to set both Steve and Bucky off, both of them spilling into you and you could already feel their releases leaking down your thighs, onto Steve, onto the sheets.

When they both slipped out, you collapsed into Steve’s chest, feeling so fucked out that your limbs wouldn’t cooperate, and you slowly slipped out of consciousness. 

-

When you came to, you were still in Steve’s bed, Bucky on one side of you and Steve on the other. From what you could tell, they had cleaned you up and put you back in the shirt of Bucky’s you had been wearing, then tucked you in between them.

They were talking in hushed voices - nothing you could make out - but stopped once they noticed you were awake.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Bucky said, running a finger across your cheekbone while Steve placed a kiss on your temple. “You feeling okay?”

You nodded, still too groggy to talk. It felt like you were hungover. A sex hangover, that’s what you had.

“You did amazing, baby,” Steve whispered into your hair.

You felt the love radiate between the three of you, and you knew that this wouldn’t be a one time thing, or only a sex thing. 

And it could be figured out in the morning, because right then you were content to be held by your boys, drifting off to sleep again.

kinktober taglist *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

@treatbuckywkisses @sgt-barnesveins @bucky-barmes @opheliastark @sweetascanbee @writing-for-marvel @christywantspizza @hi-sarahh @highlyintelligentblonde @jjbunny14 @buckysfavoritereader 

[cerridwen007]

Corruption of Innocence. Part 1.

Pairing: Matt Murdock x f!reader.

Word count: 5K (18+) minors dni!

Summary: You are the main topic of daydreams that have recently been flooding Matt's mind. Ever since he met you, you've held a strong place in his head. Every part of him has become obsessed with you, the thought of loving you, growing old together and the thought of taking your innocence for himself frequently saturate his thoughts. 

Notes/warnings: SMUT, horny af Matt, possessive/obsessive Matt, soft Matt, dirty talk, oral (male receiving), suggesting of p in v, power dynamic, unhealthy relationship, obsessive reader, sub reader, virgin reader, dom Matt, masturbation, dirty talk, no use of y/n.

A/N: Okay like I said in bio, I am quite new to tumblr and fanfic writing so I'm experimenting with a few different writing styles/conventions, level of detail and overall subject in the fics. So if you want to let me know if you found this smut enjoyable/easy to read, that would be much appreciated thanks. Also I am currently writing part 2 and was going to wait till I was further into writing with that but I just couldn’t wait to post this. I love it too much. I just wanna add that I am so grateful for the love and interaction I've received on my writing. I honestly never would have thought that so many of you would read my work let alone enjoy it, so for that I thank you and hope I can continue to deliver pieces of writing y'all enjoy. 

Corruption of Innocence. Part 2.

***********

He was obsessed with you, like no man has been or ever will. Not that it was hard or anything, you were a very good looking girl that had turned a few heads in her time, but no one had seemed to appreciate you like he did. Matt had his fair share of relationship, hookups, onenight stands and such but none of them had fulfilled anything more that his animalistic want to fuck. 

You were a different breed, rare, one of a kind, everytime he touched you he felt chills that rain throughout his entire body, setting his soul on fire and freezing it simultaneously. It was like touching an angel, you were healing his soul.

“Ah Matt, are you okay, did you need something?” you asked, a little confused at the man who had been standing in front of you for a while now.

He had been daydreaming in front of you, he had thought of you many times in many different scenarios but he never had been lost in his thoughts of you in the same room, let alone right in front of you.

“Oh.. ah yeah that’s right I wanted to see if you could reschedule the appointment I had with the Lopez family for Thursday instead of Friday." Matt choked out.

“Sure. anything else, boss?” you asked innocently.

A million thoughts raced across his mind. You slowly but enthusiastically sucking his dick, taking all of his length that you could before you choked, pulling it back out and teasing the tip of your tongue, precum dripping into your mouth, with a single drop escaping from the corner of your mouth. You were not looking away as his head dropped back between his shoulders, a loud grunt coming from his throat as he exhaled. Every wet swipe of your tongue sent shivers down his spine. That little scenario was one of many that often flashed brightly across his mind like an advertisement.

Matt quickly cleared his throat and as subtly as he could dropped the case file he was holding a little lower in attempts to hide his growing excitement. “No, that will be all…. Thank you.”

He quickly walked away to try and dissect that awkward encounter alone in his office and if he could stop thinking about you, do some work too. Which was very unlikely. He closed the door to his office and sat down behind the desk in a huff. He put his face in his hands and deeply exhaled. He was very confused about many things all surrounding you. You were like his kryptonite and anti-venom all at once.

Ever since you entered his life 6 months ago, becoming his new assistant and eventually even entering his friend group, he had been fascinated by you (especially because you were so hard to read unlike everyone else in his life) which quickly led to obsession.

He had always been a charmer and good with girls even in university (though his skills have much increased since then). But it had always been easy for him to bed any girl he wanted and that wanted him. And knowing the slut he is, it was many, very frequently. But around you he often became awkward and struggled to get the right words out, if any at all.

He was both frustrated and loved that you made him this way, very different to the experience he had with other girls. You were so perfect in every way, kind, caring, funny, sassy when you wanted to be, intelligent, had many talents and hobbies, confident and more. Yet he had many conflicting thoughts about you.

He wanted to spend hours sensually kissing every inch of your body, to study it so he could know it like the back of his hand, yet he also wanted to make you scream out his name as he claimed your pussy was his and nobody else's. His daydreams of you were often filled with starting a family with you and meeting your family and adopting pets together then quickly turned into how fucking pretty you would look as you pathetically whimpered his name, too drunk on his cock to form any other words than that. 

He was torn about having dirty thoughts about you, especially having no idea if the feelings were reciprocated. On one hand he felt almost gross thinking such dirty thoughts about a girl who came across as quite innocent especially compared to his previous romances but on the other side of him, maybe even the devil in him got even more worked up thinking about taking your innocence and being the only one allowed to praise and use your body. Corrupting you for his own entertainment.

***********

You were a class A simp. Since early teen years, you had a problem with getting crushes and becoming obsessed with them. It started off like any crush of course giggling and blushing at everything they say about you, but soon it became more, too much in fact. You would put them on such a high pedestal you would disregard and not even acknowledge any questionable or bad traits they had, even if your friends tried to warn you about it. You would simply brush it off saying it was nothing. They would appear in your dreams frequently, you would often find yourself talking to yourself and daydreaming about what it would be like to be with them and spend the rest of your lives together. 

All this infatuation led to severe disappointment, after a long while; sometimes up to years and years, the hazy cloud of perfection that you viewed them through would slowly disappear for one reason or another and you would crumble. You were a very sensitive and emotional person so it felt like your heart was literally breaking every time this happened. All over some of the shittest guys that would barely even look your way. 

You had gotten alot better since then. It had taken a long time to get over and past this self spiralling routine you had; lots of counselling and long talks with friends and just a lot more focusing on yourself. In fact for the last 3 years you had managed to stay away from developing severely unhealthy crushes, just keeping it nice and casual with the few guys that you had briefly dated, reminding yourself to look out for red flags and not to put them on some sort of perfection pedestal in your mind. You were quite proud of yourself and it was going good till you met Matt Murdock.

Looking back at all the guys you had previously become attached to, they were all pretty shitty. Either they were misogynistic or racist or made snide and creepy jokes or all three. Matt was nothing like that. You made sure you kept notes of anything out of pocket he would say and how he would act around others and had found no red flags. 

Yes, he was a bit of a flirt with other women (which you would deny to yourself but made you a little jealous) but he would alway keep it respectful and know that the girl felt comfortable around him. Still you tried your best to not think or acknowledge him more than you have to at work and social gatherings, still determined to withhold the new values you kept for yourself involving men. But it sure was damn hard. He was pretty fucken perfect.

Over the last month, as much as you hated yourself for it, you found yourself again slipping into your old, bad habits. You tried everything to stop it, distracting yourself with cleaning and cooking and hanging out with friends and everything else you could think of. None of which did much at all. The one thing that did seem to help stop or slow your growing infatuation for Matt was one thing. 

You were inexperienced, and I'm talking very inexperienced. The furthest you had gotten was a very awkward teeth banging into each other's makeout session that resulted in chipping the guy's tooth. You always tried your best to forget that memory. Even though you had been on a few dates with a few different guys it never got very far because of your fear of intimacy. I mean don't get me wrong you would love to be fucked the shit out of and then cuddle after and do allsorts of dirty stuff in the bedroom. Lord knows you thought about it often but you never had the balls to actually do any of that stuff. 

Whenever there was an opportunity, you panicked and kept overthinking about everything. Does your breath smell bad, what if you accidentally bite him too hard, what if he is actually a mad scientist and he's going to steal your DNA and make a clone out of you?! All this stuff was actually just anxiety. The real reason you had never gotten very far is because you were scared, so scared of being so vulnerable with someone, letting them into your most secret thoughts and letting them see you whole, imperfections and all. You were so caught up in your insecurity, that you never let anyone truly in, afraid of not being good enough causing them to leave you. So when Matt had asked you if you wanted to hang out at his place tonight, one on one, since Karen, Foggy and Marci were all busy, you got really nervous and spit out an awkward “..Yes!... sure I'd love to.”

**********

“Great, I'll see you at 8 tonight.” Matt said calmly. But he wasn't calm at all. In fact he too was quite nervous as being with you in the office or in a group setting it was hard to keep his hands off you. Your scent drove him wild, oftentimes throughout the day at work he would have to sneak off to the bathroom and relieve himself, driven mad by your pheromones filling his nostrils, making his cock throb in pain. Imagining it was your soft hand or wet mouth relieving him instead.

He honestly didn't know what came over himself asking you to come over to his place by yourself so the two of you could hang. He had no clue how he was going to keep his dick under wraps having your strong scent be right under his nose at all times. He certainly wouldn't be able to sneak off to the bathroom during the night to ease the pain. The thoughts continually plagued his mind through the rest of the evening at work and throughout his walk home. He pushed the thoughts aside when he got home though, having instead to focus on tidying up his place a little and getting ready for you.

After giving his place a little clean up and ordering the takeout food in advance to come 30 mins after you arrive, he decided to have a shower to calm his nerves before you came. He turned on the water to the temperature he likes and stripped his clothes off, stepping in the shower he sighs deep, warm water relaxing his tension filled muscles. The hot spray easing his muscles, his mind begins to wander again. Without thinking one of his hands brush against thick thighs as he pictures how the awkward conversation earlier could have gone. 

“Sure,anything else boss?” you ask innocently.

Matt's friendly smile turns into a devilish grin. “ I might have one thing in mind that you could help me with, honey.”

You gulp nervously but intrigued. “And what would that be Mr. Murdock?”

Matt chuckles deeply and leans into the desk, very close to your face. “ Make my cock as wet as your pussy is getting right now!”

Matt slowly starts to stroke his firming dick, deep breathes concealed by the noise of the shower raining down on his broad back.

Your voice hitches in your throat as your cheeks redden a dark crimson, you nod and say “yes” in a small voice. You stand up from your desk and walk around to Matthew staring at you with a dark look in his covered eyes. You slowly get on your knees in front of him and begin to unbuckle his belt and undo his zipper. You warily look around for Foggy nearby in the office or anyone else visiting. Matt lifts up your chin softly and wipes his thumb over your bottom lip.

“Don't worry about anyone catching us sweetheart, I'm sure you'll make me cum before anyone finds us.” he smirks, giving you a tender rub on your cheek with his thumb before removing it.

Your cheeks continue to blush and you smile a little.You fasten your pace undoing Matt’s belt and pull down his dress pants. He reaches down and pulls his hard cock loose from his black boxers. You gasp a little intimidated by the sheer size of the veiny monster before you. Without thinking you grab the shaft firmly and put your lips around the head.  Matt quietly groans as his head falls back between his shoulders. You start to bob your head on his tip while stroking the rest of his length with your hand, slick from your saliva dripping down it. 

Breathing deeper and louder, Matt begins to stroke faster and harder on his throbbing cock in the shower. The steam and his sweat make his toned muscles glisten in the low light in the bathroom. Soft moans escape his lips as he strokes wishing like hell that it was your soft hands and mouth, pleasing him instead of his rough calloused hands.

You pussy throbs softly, your panties completely soaking.The smell and sound of your arousal make him growl deeply. Your hunger grows and grows the longer you suck his dick. Each time you bob your head down his shaft you try and take a little more of his length down your throat, desperately fighting back the urge to gag as tears begin to prick your eyes. You fasten your pace stroking him as his moans become louder, sensing he is close. Your teeth lightly graze him for a few seconds causing him to cum.

“Fuck!” Matt groans as he caresses his throbbing cock to the end of his high. 

You slurp up everything leaving no trace making Matt moan deeply. He reaches down to wipe away some droplets that have fallen out the corner of your mouth. Smirking he puts his flaccid cock back into his boxers and does up his pants zipper and belt.

“Fuck that was good, sweetheart!”

Foggy suddenly walks in on the two of you, not having a single clue about the activities that had just occurred seconds ago.

“What are you two doing ?” he asked. You both swiftly look back at Foggy.

“Oh… um… I was just helping Matt tie his shoe.”

Foggy raises his eyebrow in suspicion. 

“Yeah she was helping me cause I pulled my back last night… exercising.” Matt says cooly.

“Right! Exercising… yup, that makes sense!” Foggy replies back to Matt thinking he understood what Matt was covering for. “ Well I'm heading out to Josie’s to meet Karen and Marci who are already there, so I'll see you later?”

“Yup,we’ll be there Foggy!” you say peering from beside Matt's legs. Foggy grins and walks out. Matt waits till Foggy has left the office completely before telling you the coast is clear.

“Okay he is gone!”

“Whew, that was a bit close.” you say as you slowly stand on your sore knees.

“Yeah too close.”  he says while offering a hand up. You, looking at the ground, don't see it and accidently hit your head on it while standing up.

“ Oh shit! Are you okay?” Matt asks you, suddenly very seriously.

“Yeah, I'm okay.” you wince a little before laughing. Matt starts to laugh too.

He leans his forehead against the cool shower tile and deeply exhales. Letting the water wash away any remaining residue of his expulsion. God, not only did he want your body so bad but he also just wanted to be the one who you laugh with, the one who makes corny jokes that you try not to giggle at, the one who makes you smile lovingly at him when he says how pretty you look. Before he can get anymore lost in his thoughts, a knock at the door breaks him from his fantasies. 

“Shit.'' Matt mumbles under his breath even though you won't hear him (he forgets others don't have super hearing like him sometimes) and quickly scrambles to turn the water off and put a towel around his waist. He walks quickly down his hall and opens the door to your confused face, with your heart rate quickening.

“Uh sorry to greet you like this I…. lost track of time in the shower….. Uh but come in, come in. I'll just quickly change. But uh make yourself at home.”

You gulp, trying to not let your eyes wander too much at the sight of Matthew only in a small white towel hanging loosely on hips. His toned abs glisten in the light, still wet from his shower. His v-line looks deliciously good with a happy trail that leads down to the tiniest bit of dark hair you can see before the towel covers the view.

“Yeah, okay sure.” you say awkwardly as Matt steps aside letting you in and closes the door. He has a wide smirk on his face as walks slowly to his bedroom to change, noticing how your heart rate has spiked since you saw him, more than half naked.

You go to sit down on his cold leather couch and nervously begin to fiddle with your fingers, knees drawn tightly together, chewing the inside of your mouth as you do. What am I doing here? You think to yourself. It wouldn't be so bad if I just got up now and left, it wouldn't be that awkward avoiding Matt for the rest of my life right? I mean I'd probably have to quit my job if he didn't fire me out of pure hatred first though. 

Before you can spiral anymore, Matt walks in wearing a tight black t-shirt and light grey track pants and of course a small grin on his face. He goes to sit down beside you, so close he can easily feel your heat radiating off your body onto his. 

“So.. I ordered some Thai food earlier that should arrive in 25 minutes or so if that's cool, I would cook but…”

“Yeah, Thai food sounds good and yeah Karen told me that you're not a very skilled chef mainly due to the lack of ingredients you have on hand and that you don't really like grocery stores either. No offence of course.” 

“No offence taken… You’ve been talking with Karen about me?” he says, the corner of his mouth pulling upwards and one eyebrow raising.

You shuffle in your seat and feel your cheeks warm. Looking down at the ground awkwardly you respond.

“Uh.. Yeah, well I mean no…..well, not all the time of course….. I just, um there’s a few questions that I had about you that came up in conversation…naturally of course.”

He leans in near your ear and whispers. “Well, if there are any more questions that you have. I'm right here to answer them for you.” 

Your face grows redder, you draw in a sharp breath, your thighs unconsciously push together tighter as the heat starts to grow deep in your stomach, catching you off guard with his sultry tone. He notices your heart rate quickening, and the ever growing prominent taste of your arousal in the air. He breathes it in deeply, humming darkly as the sweet aroma fills his nostrils, subtly palming his growing excitement a little through his pants for some relief. He smirks, gathering all the more evidence to support his suspicion that you want him like he wants you.

“Well, I have one question.” you ask shyly.

“And what would that be, honey?”

Your breath hitches in your throat for a second, so you swallow and press on. “I have noticed sometimes that…. that you seem to be more sensitive, like a lot more sensitive to certain things then the rest of us. You pause for a second looking up at his face trying to read his expression before continuing on. “ For example when that squeaky client comes in for an appointment to talk about divorcing her husband, you always look miserable like you're getting a migraine just being near her and her annoying high-pitched voice.”

“Huh, sure seems like you’ve been watching me closely sweetheart.” he responds, teasing you.

Your heart seems to be beating out of your chest as he talks very close to your ear in a slightly deeper voice than his usual, each nickname he refers to you by only makes your pussy wetter. You're afraid that soon a tear will dribble down your leg if he keeps his flirtatious act up.

“Ah, forget I said anything.” you respond, quickly trying to dismiss the topic.

“No, keep going, it’s fine, seems like you care about me.”

“Well yeah, of course I care about you, you're my boss…. and my friend and I just wanted to know if there is anything that I can do… to make it easier for you in those situations I mean.”

Matt eyebrows raise, a little taken aback. Touched at how thoughtful and caring you are, his smile beaming brightly, knowing that you think about him more than just between your thighs, although he's pretty happy about that too. 

“Wow, that’s very kind of you to offer, but you don’t have to worry about me, I've gotten used to dealing with it.” He pauses. “ but… I mean if I suddenly can't deal with it and need some help…I'll let you know.”

You smile sweetly back at him. “Great.” 

 A moment passes between you comfortable in each other's presence before it changes back to sexual tension. You both lean in close, so close you can feel his breath on your lips. Your heart feels as though it will flutter right out of your chest. You bite your lip as Matt subtly licks his bottom lip and grins. His senses overwhelmed happily by your rapidly racing heart, the heat radiating off you and the strong scent of your arousal filling the air. Your eyes flutter close as you lean in further, lips softly brushing against one another. A knock at the door makes you pull back surprised and Matt leans his head down and sighs.

“Well, that’ll be the Thai food.” he tells you, a little annoyed.

You sit awkwardly on Matt’s couch in silence while he pays for the food and brings it to his coffee table. You both sit in silence a good 5 minutes into your meal before you speak, neither party knowing how to seamlessly carry on from the conversation you had before or the almost kiss. You work up the nerve to speak and clear your throat.

“How did you become blind Matt?” you ask him blatantly, catching him off guard. “You don’t have to tell me if you don't want to or you're not comfortable or anything…but I never asked you because I assumed it might be rude but if it's alright I'm curious to know about it.”

“No, it's fine, I can tell you.” Matt takes a deep breath before starting his story. As he speaks, you feel yourself hanging onto every word he says, your eyebrows creased together, listening to him speak about his sorrowful story.

As he finishes talking, you can’t help but stare at him in awe at how much he has been through, yet he still keeps a smile on his face everyday and manages to be such a joyful light in everyone's path he crosses. You feel yourself falling for this man more and more as he opens up to you and shows you a side that you have never seen. You then think “fuck” how am I going to get over this man when he lets me inevitably lets you down, thinking back to your previous obsessive one-sided relationships. God dammit, you were in love with this man.

Matt looks down at his feet feeling a little melancholic after talking about such a sensitive topic for him.

“Thank you… thanks for being so open with me… I know how hard it can be to fully open up and be vulnerable like that.”

Matt smiles, nodding. “Thank you for listening.”

Another silent pause ensues between you, yet this time it's comfortable. Like two longtime friends who have grown to enjoy sitting comfortably in each other's presence without the need for words.

Matt suddenly chuckles to himself. You look at him confused but smiling, fork halfway to your mouth before you stop. “What?”

“Nothing.” Matt says, still smiling to himself.

“No it's not, what is it? Tell me!” you say getting a little impatient, still with a grin.

“Oh it's just some old, dumb question that I used to ask the guys at uni, whenever there was a lull in conversation to lighten the mood.”

“Okay, well ask me then.”

Matt stares at you for a second, grinning before asking you.

“Okay fine. When was the last time you….you know, (you raise your eyebrow intrigued) masterbated?”

“Oh?” you respond blushing, not expecting him to ask you that.

“You don't have to answer that if you don't want to… I shouldn't have said anything, like I said it was a dumb thing I did in college an-” Matt rushes to say.

You giggle, smiling. “No it's fine, I'll answer… I just didn't expect that was what you were going to say.”

Matt smiles shyly. 

“Uh it was like 2 days ago I think.” 

“Oh, cool….cool.” Matt gulping, can't help but let his mind run to thinking about you masturbating to the thought of him. Using your fingers feverishly to try to stimulate the longing you had for him to be between your thighs instead. Crying out his name over and over wishing it was him filling your hole instead of your fingers. Matt is brought back into consciousness when you speak.

“So what about you, when did you last beat your meat?”

Matt chuckles again, at your interesting way of saying masturbate before thinking back to the activity he had just finished doing in the shower before you arrived.

“Uh, earlier today.”

“Okay… but when is ‘earlier’.”

Matt exhales, hoping his answer will make you wet at the thought of. “Before you got here, in the shower.” Matt leans in closer to you, his lips ghosting your ear, his smile turning into a sinful grin. “Actually, right before you got here, sweetheart.” he says darkly.

Your body acts on its own. Goosebumps run throughout your body, your heat pooling once again between your thighs as a quiet but clear moan escapes your lips. Not holding back at all Matt carries on.

“Does that turn you on,sweetheart?” Matt purrs, putting your takeout containers on his coffee table. You bite your lip trying to suppress another whimper leaving your mouth. “Does it make you wet just thinking about how I fucked into my hand moments before you arrived…thinking about you?” he growls. You look at him.

“Matt..” you ask breathlessly. For once your over-thinking brain can’t pull you from the present, too hypnotised by the low seductive words leaving Matt smirking mouth, each word making your panties more and more drenched.

“What sweetheart? Wanna know what I was thinking about when I came?” 

You whimper, nodding. Matt puts his hand on the top of your thigh lightly, slowly rubbing it back and forth. He takes a deep breath of your addicting arousal. He swallows hard, eyes shutting for a second. His cock throbs, straining against his boxers. 

“I was thinking about your pretty little mouth, tightly wrapped around my dick in the office. So hungry to take every inch you could, so enthusiastically licking up every drop of mine.” 

Matt, noticing how flustered you were getting, puts his hand on your inner thighs and rubs it closer to your warming middle. 

“I think of you often while I fuck into my hand. Think about fucking you so hard that you’re pathetically falling apart on my cock, failing to say any words other than my name.”

You're so horny, you're struggling to keep from touching yourself right now or even better using Matt’s hand to fuck you instead. You look down and see how tightly wound up Matt is too, which causes your pussy to painfully throb, needing him to fill you up badly. 

Panting, you lean in closer to Matt, letting your lips brush against one another before making contact. The kiss at first soft and sweet quickly deepens into something hungrier, lustful. Matt wraps his hands around your jaw, tightly securing your face to his. His tongue suddenly shoots out of his mouth and makes its way in yours. You can’t help but moan loudly in his mouth, his hands start roaming your body. He goes to put his hand on your panties but you suddenly pull away.

“Ooh did I go too fast? Did I do something to make you feel uncomfortable? Matt rushes to say, looking concerned.

“Oh no, no… it’s not you at all, it's just…i’ve never really done this before.” you sigh and quietly whisper “I…I..I’m a virgin.”

Matt smiles a little trying to ignore the twitch that your words made his cock feel.

“That's all sweetheart?” 

“Your not repulsed by that, the fact that I don’t know what I'm doing, that I don’t know how to please a man-”

“Not at all…if im being honest sweetheart.” he leans in and whispers, making you shiver. “It makes me want you more.”

You bite your lip surprised by his reaction, a shaky exhale leaving your mouth. He looks at you, eyes full of lust.

“Do you want me to continue?” he says, gesturing down to your thighs.

You nod and he pauses waiting for a verbal response.

“Yes. Yes Matt, I want you to touch me.”

******

[yelenasdiary]

Hey can I request a fic?

You can choose the partner. So readers past relationship was very abusive in many ways and the avengers helped her get out of there. One day the ex comes back, you can choose moment and place and when they (also choose gender) maybe tell reader to come with them reader starts to go shaking??? Like if the ex was so manipulative that we don’t have another option (like killgrave or something) then the avengers help again and happy ending.

Sorry for the confusing ask I just got the idea and wanted to share it with you. Feel free to ignore 😊❤️

-🐚

Unwanted Visitor

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: When Natasha is away on a mission with Clint, you think you’re safe at the compound with the others, you think.. 

Angst | Comfort | Mentions of Abusive Past Relationship | Mentions of Trauma | Brief Mention of Domestic Violence | PTSD & Anxiety Mentions | Manipulative Ex | 1.3K | 

AC: So sorry it took me a while to get this out! I hope this was what you were after x

"Oh, come on Thor, what's the secret?!" you chuckle, throwing yourself on the sofa after several attempts to lift Mjolnir from besides his feet. "How do I lift it?" you asked. Thor broke into a loud laugh, "you've got to be worthy of it" he tells you. "Oh, so you're telling me I am not worthy?" you cocked a brow, playfully crossing your arms over your chest. "Maybe one day you just might be" the god winked. 

"I'll show you, one day I will be!" you stood up from the sofa, "I'm going to take my afternoon walk before Nat gets back" you inform the Avenger. It's been well over a year since Thor and the other Avengers helped you leave your abusive ex. Since then, you've always made it a point to tell somebody what you were doing or where you were going. It was more for security than anything. 

While you were on your afternoon walk, Natasha returned earlier then expected. Thor told her where you were which gave her some time to shower and unpack her things. Your walk was peaceful for the most part, the fresh air was just what you needed to keep you from going insane while waiting for Nat to come home. 

Your relationship with Natasha was relatively new but exciting. Natasha did everything to make sure you were always comfortable, she never forced you to do anything, never second questioned you, never raised her voice at you and never, ever laid a hand on you. She understood that things would take a little extra time for you to come around and feel completely comfortable and she was always on top of your triggers. She'd been gone for a little over three weeks and to say you didn't miss her would be the biggest lie that would leave your lips. 

"There you are!" the familiar voice stopped you in your tracks, looking up from your feet you were met with the eyes that haunted your dreams for months. "I've been looking for you, I was just about to knock on the door" your ex added with a soft smile that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand tall. Your eyes were glued to them, the world around you came to a stop, your feet felt super glued to the ground as your ex took a few steps closer to you. 

"I know it's a bit of a shock but I'm back baby! I got the help I needed, we can go home now" their words went through one ear and out the other. The lump in your throat only grew bigger, screams for help echoed in your mind just hoping that Wanda was close by to hear them. "I'm so sorry I hurt you baby, you know I didn't mean it. I was just upset and wasn't thinking straight" the words left her lips like everything she put you through truly didn't matter. Gently she cupped your face and kissed your forehead while you stood, frozen and staring into space as if your soul had left your body. "Cutie pie, are you okay?" she asked, the triggering pet name brought you back to their eyes. 

"W-what a-are you d-doing here?" you asked in a stutter. She chuckled lightly, "I'm here for you baby, I want us back. I miss you, I promised you'd I'd come back" her eyes were cold as ice. She moved her hands from your face and placed them on either side of your arms, her grip tightened when your eyes flickered towards the main entrance of the compound. 

"Forget about them baby, they stole you from me. They don't want the best for you like I do, remember all the plans we made? We can finally go and make them relative, I've got the car packed, all your things you left at our apartment, let's just go baby, please" 

"I c-c-can't"

"You can. Do you think that the Avengers want you sticking around? You're not like them baby. You can't help them; they aren't good for you. Always running off acting like they make the world a better place, leaving you all alone. Anything could happen to you baby, who is there to protect you huh? Nobody" 

Your eyes flickered over to the compound once more as her words soaked into your racing mind. "If they cared about you, cutie pie, they would never leave you alone. Would they?" Her left hand cupped your cheek, forcing you to look at her, "would they" she repeated. Just like old habits, you remembered to keep her happy. "Never upset her" your mind told you as you nodded to her question. 

"That's my girl, come on baby. Let's just get out of here, okay" 

Again, you nodded, slowly. You felt your arms shaking as your ex turned you around, your back now to the compound and your legs felt like jelly as you took your first steps away from the place you felt safest. 

"Y/n?!" You heard Natasha's voice call. 

"Great!" Your ex sighed as they turned around. Natasha came walking in your direction, closely followed by the other Avengers. "Back off Natasha, she doesn't want to be here anymore!" your ex spoke, keeping a firm grip on your arm. 

"That's not at all what she told me" Wanda replied.

"You know, you're trespassing on private property and from memory, I think you're breaking the restraining order Y/n as against you" Tony pitched in. 

"A restraining order you all brain washed her to get! Leave us alone! Tell them baby, tell them you don't want to be here anymore" your ex harshly turned you around to face the people you called family. Your eyes instantly connected with Natasha; she could see the fear deeply in your eyes as she mouthed "it's okay" to assure you that nothing was going to happen. "Tell them!" your ex snapped, squeezing your arm tighter but even though you could open your mouth, the words couldn't come out. 

Natasha stepped forward, never taking her eyes off you. "Let her go!" Natasha spoke sternly. "Or what? huh?" your ex replied, pulling you closer into her side. A glow of red circles around the wrist of your ex, forcing her to let you go. Natasha caught you before you fell to your knees, pulling you closer to her as you broke into tears. 

"I think we should have a chat" Thor smirked as he walked towards your ex, taking her arm in his hand. "Hey! let me go" was all you heard your ex say before Thor had taken them above the clouds. "Get them inside, Nat. We'll take care of this" Steve looked at the two of you, your tears slowly starting to soak Natasha's shirt. 

----

Later that night you were cuddled up to Natasha, her arms wrapped protectively around you while you both watched your favorite movie. "I'm sorry, Nat" you spoke, your voice still shaky from everything. "Don't be sorry darling, it's okay. You know I'd never let anything happen to you, ever" Nat replied with a kiss on the top of your head.

"I'm not sure why I even thought about going with her"

"You weren't in the right headspace, you weren't thinking" Natasha assures you.

"But Nat, if it was that easy for her to have control over me again" you sat up and looked at your girlfriend with tears once again building in your eyes, "what happens it this happens again and none of you are here to save me again?" you added. Natasha brushed a lock of hair behind your ear and gently wiped your tears, "it'll never happen again, I promise baby" she gently strokes your cheek with her thumb. "Nobody is going to miss her, lets just say that" she adds. 

"Th-they killed her?" you questioned with a frown.

"No darling. She's in Asgard now, she won't ever hurt you again. I promise. Thor said she'll make for a great maid" 

You couldn't help but chuckle, "I'm not sure about that, they never were much of a cleaner" you joked before crashing gently into Nat, letting her wrap her arms around you once more. "You're safe now my beautiful love" Natasha whispered, placing another kiss on the top of your head.

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[aledanshi]

It's nighttime and I've just been served a mitw and fitpac BANQUET this afternoon so now it's delulu time WOOOOOOOOOH (this is a long post I am so sorry)

I can't stop thinking about how possessive Mike was of Pac around Fit, the way he threatened Fit every time Pac wasn't around to hear it, threatening Fit's son, saying "I don't trust you, I don't want you near him anymore".

It's mainly because Mike thinks Fit knew where Mike was being kept frozen, his suspicions almost confirmed when Fit confessed that his latest cleaning job was situated in a remote location that snowed.

But I feel that deep down, that aggression and possessiveness also comes from the realization that Pac started to get attached to Fit after he was away for so long, he was starting to be less dependable on Mike.

He may not love Pac romantically, but he'll never let someone else break the chains that tie them to each other, their codependency is a double-edge sword and it's worse than they would both like to admit, but they wouldn't change it for the world.

Imagine the scorching feeling of betrayal he must have felt when Pac sided with Fit and the others, telling him that he was crazy and torturing him for information he simply doesn't know or his mind is too foggy to remember.

You can also notice two different changes in Mike's behaviour.

First: complacency. He's just been rescued and he's not quite sure what happened, he can't process much information, he seems subdued, if not a bit delusional. He keeps asking for his mininim, his little baby, and Pac's just frozen like a deer on headlights, unsure of how to even BEGIN to tell him that their child is gone. Mike's usual personality is very strong-willed and stubborn, seeing this die-hard anarchist hug Cucurucho on a whim was almost whiplash inducing.

Second: erratic thoughts and actions. After the focus of their conversation shifts from Richas and Walter Bob to Fit and the other island residents that Pac has been spending time with, it's almost like a switch turns inside Mike's head and he starts becoming more erratic, aggressive, borderline insane. Pac takes Mike to the TubChunk so he can get to know the machines and factories and as soon as Pac crashes due to the lag, Mike tells Fit that he's going to murder Ramon and then pretends he never did such a thing.

When they're walking Mike keeps dropping books to Fit and when Pac accidentally takes one and reads it he drops it immediately to Fit, he wasn't expecting such a direct threat coming from him, let alone one directed at a child.

And the clips of Fit conversations with Mike, dear god, I can almost imagine Mike's death stare at Fit, telling him he knows he's not just a janitor for the Federation, with the purpose of infiltrating for information gathering, because if that was the case why didn't he share with the others the information he found until now?

Fit's teeth clench because that motherfucker just threatened his son and is now accusing him of not actually being on their side, on the side of the people that want to destroy the Federation.

He either denies or keeps his mouth shut because he knows he doesn't have the stance to argue otherwise.

Towards the end of their interaction in Walter Bob's house, Mike seems more chill and "himself", he gets excited with Forever's plan to break as many Federation rules as they can simultaneously, but something's still keeping him on edge.

"I don't trust you near Pac, I don't want you to be near him again."

Mike takes his scythe and Fit brandishes his shield while walking away, he still has hope that Mike didn't mean those things he said. Mike hits him once, and then is gone.

When Pac is asked what he thinks about the things Mike is saying, he's so confused with what he should do and who he should trust, but ends up answering: "I have to trust Mike because I don't have a choice".

Could anyone have expected otherwise? Those two are glued to each other, when Pac got kidnapped Mike was furious, when Mike got kidnapped Pac was devastated. Their worst fear is losing each other, no prison or cage could ever compare to the loneliness they feel without their other half. Their connection is safety and comfort, but also a slow poison, it can either make them stronger against everything else or become the reason for their downfall.

They're too far into this to stop now.

[gin-juice-tonic]

I've been thinking a lot about gender identity and stuff lately, but to my shame I’m not the most educated person when it comes to lgbt related stuff. Every time I try to search it to learn more I end up freaking out and clearing my browsing history because of the feeling of being watched. I know I’m being unreasonable, but it’s stronger than me. I don’t have anyone to ask about this kind of stuff. Everyone around me is negative about lgbt, I grew up among this negativity. I’m afraid to ask my online friends because I don’t want to seem ignorant or stupid. What have I decided to do? Send an anonymous ask to a stranger about my concerns (sorry about that), whose blog helped me to accept the fact that I might not be who I though I was at the first place. It feels more safe. Back to the point.

As a teen I used she/they pronouns and a different gender-neutral name online for years. I still do it as an adult and now I realise that “she” was more like a compromise for me because it was what I used to be referred as for my whole life, but didn’t feel quite comfortable with. So it’s they/them for me, I guess. Okay. I’ve always preferred to not be related to any gender, but now I see that there’s more to it. I might be a nonbinary, but what if I’m actually an agender? I also consider the possibility of being a genderfluid because one moment I wear a dress and think that it looks good, and the other moment I cry in front of a mirror because of the idea of wearing it. So yeah, it depends on my mood. I don’t know how it works. I’m just so confused. The only thing I know that I’m not comfortable with being referred to as a female anymore. I’ve never really been.

Admittedly, as someone who is binary trans, I do not have a lot of knowledge in this area. I do know what it’s like to not know what you’re “supposed to be” though. And I know it can be frustrating and scary to be lost in trying to figure out your own identity. 

I asked some of my friends, who are nonbinary and genderfluid themselves, and the first thing we all have to say is you should allow yourself more kindness. I am sorry that you grew up around so much negativity. But I want you to know that it’s both okay to feel afraid but also okay to not know everything. If a friend is going to treat you badly for asking questions, they’re not a very good friend. 

One of my friends says the part you said about “making compromises” resonated a lot with them a lot, so you aren’t alone there. As for how you feel in a dress, clothes do not equal gender. You can like how you look in a dress without any of it having to do with girl-ishness. I suggest you try to think about why you like it when you do, and why you don’t when you don’t. My friends also suggested trying other clothes you can express yourself with. Think about why you like them, or why you don’t like them. (Of course, sometimes the answer has nothing to do with gender. I like athletic clothing because they make me look sporty, which is a neutral thing. But it’s good to know what parts aren’t related to gender at all too.) That extends beyond clothes too, any part of your presentation that you think you can play with without getting yourself into danger, you should. 

It’s tempting to feel like you have to scramble to figure out a label. Especially when advice and other people you can talk to can feel sort of “grouped” under them. And there’s a lot of knowledge to be gained that way for sure. But there’s a lot of knowledge to be gained just in figuring out what you do and don’t like. What makes you feel bad, what makes you feel at ease, what makes you super excited. You‘ve got it nailed down that you don’t like being called a female, that’s not a bad start! 

If your friends are people you think are good and kind, I would suggest reaching out to them so that you can explore things a little more with them, considering they know you better than I would. I know it's scary, but there's nothing wrong with not knowing things, and I hope they'd be aware of that too. And even if you call yourself something now and explore more into it, there's no harm if in the future it doesn't fit so good. There's no wrong way to be a gender, and more importantly there's no wrong way to be you.