#it's a very rare case where the characters are EXTREMELY well written and almost every moment they are on screen is amazingly well done

[thefloatingstone]

Appleseed PDA montage to save you from reading endless pages of unimportant politics that don't amount to anything

also because I have nothing better to do, I'm bored, I'm moody, my gaming laptop is still broken so no BG3, and it's too late at night to start drawing after doing animation clean-up all day.

[guiltycorp]

@crimsongrimoire here: #okay honestly the last name part bugs me too#doesnt it STILL say on the wiki that a former alias was their last name#like what is your proof! cite your fucking sources!#literally somehow one of the worst wikis ive been interested in#so many sources of made up ass info are just like trust me bro#and the gross oversimplification of their dynakic#*dynamic jesus.#like idk you can prefer them platonically idgaf. just dont make shit up wholesale to sell a narrative that doesnt exist.#(...not to say klk enjoyers dont as well But. brother insisters are so much worse about it)#(so few genshin fans have reading comprehension at all fr)#its just such a mess. you can just Say you dont see them romantically. you wont die. i promise#no need to have 10 banners and 20 tags with posturing about how you want klk shippers to choke and die#when theres like Literally nothing Inherently Wrong with it#though people who say shit like 'yeah well it WOULD be hot if they WERE brothers so!'#you are not helping the cause#the 'making people mad on purpose for fun to make them look dumb' works so rarely and almost never over fandom nonsense#either way big agree op#fave#funnily this is the same kinda people who are all like AWWWW HIDDEN STRIFE WAS SWEET IT WASNT SAD AT ALL#and like completely misreading the tone of like All the letters esp those between kaeya and diluc#which is funny cause like Every post ive seen on the subject has been about Them and That part and how AWWW THEY KEPT I CONTACT?!?!#when.... the letters on both sides carry very palpable senses of tension from the wording and esp the brevity of dilucs#some very minor but painful details#and just in general all the letters in question like.. while it was nice diluc was getting support#it was in the WORST circumstance. its incredibly melancholy and bittersweet. like yes its nice to know everyone cares.#but also it was so avoidable. but also at the same time nobodys fault. even though both of them kick themselves for it#remembered my other point DILUC ONLY REPLIED TWICE. TO KAEYAS 9 LETTERS. THAT IS NOT KEEPING CONTACT!#there is no reason kaeya wouldnt have put any other letters from him with the others tbh unless theyre recent in which case#kinda irrelevant. thats not 'keeping contact' theyre in the same place now like Often.#ngl we have no indication if kaeya got those letters to him somehow or just left them for his return.

Literally like!! Genshin fandom has actually been one of the worse fandom experiences for me, and I think we can blame a lot of it on the game and its translation, but also it’s just so goddamn frustrating at times. That klc post was written before hidden strife but if anything the event further confirmed that their dynamic wasn’t ‘adopted siblings’ (despite eng translation as usual messing up everything including Kaeya’s opinion of their fight) and that Kaeya doesn’t view himself as a Ragnvindr. 

An AU where Kaeya would have been fully adopted could be potentially interesting, actually! Ragbros AU if you will. But for some reason people never really go for all the implications of that - how strongly it would influence Kaeya’s internal conflict and his abandonment issues, how Diluc would change his treatment of Kaeya, how differently another Ragnvindr progeny would be viewed in Mondstadt, would he succeed the Dawn Winery’s business, so many possibilities... But no, they simply take canon klc dynamic and twist it, ignoring all the discrepancies which point to a non-familial relationship. That tag is just one more annoying attempt at censure within fandom spaces, familiar to anyone who ever interpreted fictional relationships as homoerotic before (how dare you tarnish this beautiful brotherly or sisterly bond by your sinful delusions etc etc yawn). And big agree about Hidden Strife letters, they still represent the usual dynamic as is the norm for all those temporary events. But fandom sadly tends to go for extreme interpretations, either the characters totally hate each other or they are secretly totally fine and getting along splendidly... I guess maybe people are getting tired of this kind of one-sided relationship, so they want some kind of resolution one way or another, but I kind of like the place Kaeya and Diluc are in right now. It would be nice to get some more Diluc POV just to confirm whether he cares in a detached way or in a barely suppressed passionate & deep way, and/or if perhaps he does carry some hateful feelings towards Kaeya, but otherwise it’s just a really good starting off point for creating fan content.  Speaking only for myself, but it’s all the more bittersweet that there is a possibility that they won’t reconcile after all, that their paths might diverge, that their ideologies might already be irreconcilable without us knowing, that Diluc maybe doesn’t really care that much after all. With this in mind, positive outcomes such as reconciliation, a romantic relationship or a rekindling of friendship, are so much more impactful. 

[ailuronymy]

do you think every disabled character in wc is handled poorly? i understand theres def some cases of ableism but at the same time when i hear ppl say that its usually bc the disabled cat wasnt able to become a warrior due to their disability. and i feel like ppl forget, that not everyone irl CAN do what they want after they become disabled. ex. someone wants to be an athlete, but their legs have to be amputated. a cat like briarlight esp i feel is p realistic and could be a source of comfort

Hello there, thank you for writing in. I’m going to reply to this question with a series of questions I think are a bit more useful, given what you’re trying to ask me. I hope that’ll clarify what is a deeply complex, multilayered issue. 

Do I think Erin Hunter handles anything in the series “well”? Not really. I don’t have a high opinion of the work of the collective and, broadly speaking, I think every right note they play, metaphorically speaking, is an instance of chance rather than effort, skill, or intention. Stopped clocks are right twice a day, mediocre writers will sometimes do something cool by accident, similar principle. That’s not to say Erin Hunter hasn’t ever done anything on purpose--just that overall the underlying drive of the series isn’t so much quality as it is quantity, and speed of production, and it shows. 

Do I think Erin Hunter puts any significant research into how they portray disability? No. I do not think it is a priority for this series. They’re not trying to make a meaningful work of literature, or capture a realistic experience of disability, or tell especially impactful or thoughtful stories, or even make a particularly good or coherent fantasy world. Warriors is a specifically commercial product that was commissioned by HarperCollins to appeal to a particular demographic of drama-loving, cat-loving kids. It’s not really trying to do anything but sell books, because it’s a business, so the text in many ways reflects that. They’re not going for disability representation, in my opinion. They’re including disability in many cases as a plot-point or an obstacle. 

Do I think this means that people can’t connect to these characters and narratives in meaningful ways? No. Often I say that a work is completed only when it is read. Before that point, it doesn’t have a meaning: a reader finishes the work through the act of reading, and interpretation, and filling in the spaces and resonance of the story with their own values and experiences. When people talk about subjectivity, this is what they are talking about. What this means in the context of disabled characters in Warriors is that these characters and their stories can be multiple, conflicting, even mutually exclusive things at the same time, to different people, for different reasons. 

Do I think characters have to be “good” to be significant to someone? No. I think genuinely “bad” (i.e., not researched or poorly researched, cliche, thoughtlessly written, problematic, etc. etc.) characters can be deeply meaningful, and often are. Ditto above: for many people, and especially marginalised or stigmatised people, reading is almost always an act of translation, wherein the person is reading against the creative work of the dominant culture in a way that the author likely didn’t intend or didn’t even imagine. There’s a long documented history of this in queer culture, but it’s true for just about everyone who is rarely (or unfairly) represented in media. Disabled people often have to read deeply imperfect works of fiction featuring disability and reinterpret them in the process--whether to relate to a kind of disability they don’t experience themselves but which is the closest they’re offered to something familiar, or to turn positive and meaningful what is intended as narrative punishment, or simply to create what’s commonly called headcanon about “non-disabled” characters who echo their personal experiences. 

Do I think everyone has to agree? Extremely no. As I said before, people will actually always disagree, because all people have different needs and different experiences. What can be interpreted as empowering to one person might be very othering and painful for another. There is no “right” answer, because, again, that is how subjectivity works. This is especially true because marginalised communities are often many different kinds of people with different lives and needs brought together over a trait or traits they share due to the need for solidarity as protection and power--but only in a broad sense. It’s why there is often intracommunity fighting over representation: there isn’t enough, there’s only scraps, and so each person’s personal interpretation can feel threatening to people whose needs are different. You can see examples of this especially when it comes to arguments over character sexuality: a queer female character might be interpreted as bisexual by bisexual people who relate to her and want her to be, while being interpreted as lesbian by lesbians who also relate to her and want her to be like them. Who is correct? Often these different interpretations based on different needs are presented as if one interpretation is theft from the other, when in fact the situation is indicative of the huge dearth of options for queer people. It becomes increasingly more intense when it comes to “canon” representations, because of the long history of having to read against the grain I mentioned above: there’s novelty and, for some people, validation in “canon” certainty. And again, all of this is also true for disabled people and other stigmatised groups. 

Do I think this is a problem? Not exactly. It is what it is. It is the expected effect of the circumstances. Enforced scarcity creates both the need for community organising and solidarity and the oppressive pressure to prioritise one’s self first and leave everyone else in the dust (or else it might happen to you). The system will always pit suppressed people against each other constantly, because it actively benefits from intracommunity fighting. Who needs enemies when you have friends like these, and so on. A solution is absolutely for everyone in community to hold space for these different needs and values, and to uplift and support despite these differences, but it’s not anyone’s fault for feeling threatened or upset when you don’t have much and feel like the thing that you do have is being taken away. It’s a normal, if not really helpful, human response. But until people learn and internalised that the media is multifaceted and able to be many things at once, without any of those things being untrue or impacting your truth of the text, then there will be fighting. 

Do I think my opinion on disability on Warriors is all that important? No, not really. I can relate to some characters in some moment through that translation, but my opinion on, say, Jayfeather is nowhere near as worthy of consideration than that of someone who is blind. I don’t have that experience and it’s not something I can bring meaningful thinking about, really. That’s true for all these characters. If you want to learn about disability, prioritise reading work about disabled rights and activism that is done by disabled people, and literary criticism from disabled people. And as I mentioned above, remember that community isn’t a monolith: it’s a survival tactic, that brings together many different people with disparate experiences of the world. So research widely. 

Finally--do I think there’s only one kind of disabled narrative worth telling? No. For some people, a disabled character achieving a specific, ability-focused dream is a good story. For other people, a story that acknowledges and deals with the realities, and limitations, of disability is a good story. The same person might want both of those stories at different times, depending on their mood. That’s okay. Sometimes there’s power and delight in a fantasy of overcoming seemingly impossible obstacles and defying all expectations. Sometimes there’s value and catharsis in a narrative that delves into the challenges and grief and oppression experienced because of disability. There’s no one truth. 

To round all this off, I’m going to give my favourite example of this, which is Cinderella. I think it’s a great and useful tool, since for many it’s familiar and it’s very simple. Not much happens. In the story, she is bullied and tormented, until a fairy godmother gifts her over several nights with the opportunity to go to a royal ball, where she dances with a prince. The prince eventually is able to find Cinderella, due to a shoe left behind, and they are married. In some versions, the family that mistreated her are killed. In others, they’re forgiven. 

Some people hate the story of Cinderella, because she is seen as passive. She tolerates the bullying and never fights back. She does every chore she’s told. She is given an opportunity by a fairy godmother, and she doesn’t help herself go to the ball. She runs from the prince and he does the work to find her again. Eventually, she’s married and the prince, presumably, keeps her in happiness and comfort for the rest of her life. 

For some, this story is infuriating, because Cinderella doesn’t “save herself”: she is largely saved by external forces. She is seen as a quintessential damsel-in-distress, and especially for people who have been bullied, infantalised, or made to feel less capable or weak, that can be a real point of personal pain and discomfort. 

However, for some others, Cinderella is a figure of strength, because she is able to endure such hostile environments and terrible people and never gives up her gentle nature or her hope. She never becomes cruel, or bitter. She is brave in daring to go outside her tiny, trapped world, and she is brave to let the prince find her. She doesn’t have to fight or struggle to earn her reward of happiness and prove her worth, because she was always deserving of love and kindness. The prince recognises at once, narratively speaking, her goodness and virtue, and stops at nothing to deliver her a better life. 

Depending on the version, the wicked family disfigure themselves for their own greed--or are punished, which for some is a revenge fantasy; or Cinderella forgives them and once again shows her tenacious kindness, which for others is a different revenge fantasy. 

The point? Cinderella is the same character in the same story, but these are almost unrecognisable readings when you put them side-by-side. Which one is right? Which one is better? In my opinion, those are the wrong questions. I hope this (long, sorry) reply is a set of more useful ones. 

[soldmysoultootomeboys]

I love the au swap ! If you dont mind the undateables (+ platonic luke with simeon?) Summoning a demon MC??

Demon MC with Human Undateables 

I hope these are okay!! I’ve never written for these characters before so I tried my best

Part 1

Diavolo

When a human summons you, you tend to have an idea of what you’re going to see when you show up, black hoods, cult robes, mysterious sigils signed in blood, NOT an average looking sitting room that appears to be part of a moderately wealthy mansion

Immediately your greeted by a man in an expensive red suit

He looks rather excited to see you, like he wanted to pull you in for a hug right there instead he settles for a handshake

Before you can start your usual spiel on the rules for your pact he interrupts you shaking his head

“I invited you here not as a demon but as a guest. Consider it like improving the relationship between the three realms. What do you say?”

What can you say? A human with knowledge of all three realms was rare but one who invited a demon into his own home was even rarer. You can’t help but be interested in what it is he really wants.

So you agree a pact forming between you two in a second.

You fully expect him to break his promise. After all there isn’t anything in it for him. However a real order never comes and for all intents and purposes you really are treated like a guest. 

For a while you had wondered if you were meant to be a servant here, but Diavolo seems more than happy with his staff. In fact his head butler could be a demon with how efficient his service is. 

With a little snooping you manage to find a file full of different demons, including you but he easily explained it as possible candidates for his program.

On more than one occasion Diavolo invites you to enjoy tea with him, although you suspect its more of an excuse for you to talk about Devildom. Diavolo is fascinated with the place.

He hangs on to every word you tell him, exclaiming over your cultural differences with excitement. 

Whenever you bring back a new snack or devilmade show he’s very eager to watch it with you.  

You’re still not sure what he really wants. He continues to treat you as his guest but you can’t help but feel he’s hiding something. 

Oh well, it's probably nothing.

Barbatos

Sometime when you make a pact it feels like you’ve lost something. Maybe your freedom, or your dignity, but in this case it doesn’t feel like you’re missing anything at all. In fact its more like you gained a butler.

Even though you’re the demon here, he’s the one who’s always taking care of your every need

Before you can even ask he is offering you cake and tea with refined grace, as if he was born to do it

In fact the two of you end up enjoying some very fine tea parties

At first he insists on serving you but with a little nagging (as well as some bribes in the form of a few special Devildom tea blends) he can be convinced to sit and chat with you

He seems to know a little something about everything making him the perfect conversation partner and listens to you talk about home with a quiet smile. However your favorite times are when he lets loose. 

A real smile (drawn out by your presence and a bottle of wine) takes up his face and he’s more personal, teasing you and even talking about himself

However most of your time is spent in the kitchen

He works at a very popular bakery so the two of you spend many afternoons making pastries. You offer what tips you can but he is already a very accomplished baker so there’s not much you can say

Instead you sit on the counter taking swipes of the batter when he isn’t looking (He knows, he just wants you to feel like you’re getting away with something)

It’s on a day just like this you have your first encounter with what would become your worst enemy

He had just opened the cupboard to get more flour when he lets out a bloodcurdling scream

You jolt from your perch. In all your times of living together he had never made such a sound and you peak over his shoulder to see what he’s looking at

Calm as can be sits a plain black rat chilling on top of a pack of sugar

Barbatos is still very much so frozen so you scoop up the animal and go outside to dispose of it

It's kind of gross but not nearly as bad as some of the pests back in Devildom so it’s not that big of a deal

When you walk back inside he has once again composed himself into the picture of dignity but for the next week you are rewarded with as many sweets as your heart desires

After that you makes sure to keep the kitchen free from anymore of the pests and he leaves you more than enough presents for your service

Solomon

Who is this shady man?

He summons you in what looks to be a stereotypical alchemy lab, something you hadn’t seen since like what? The 19nth century? Jeez man move on

He asks you to make a pact and despite your general misgivings you agree

Of ALL of his 87 pacts (now 88) he favors you and you spend a lot of time with him in the human world

Although he’s a rather strange person his work is rather interesting. He has plenty of rare tombs and interesting spells, you just wish he wasn’t so eager to test them on you

Typically you just help him with potion brewing and magic but occasionally you perform other tasks for him too

You also end up meeting quite a few of his other demons including Asmo who was more than interested in having some fun with the both of you, something that you had to politely (and then forcefully when he didn’t get the hint) shoot down

Even though you work with him a lot you still don’t have a clue on what his purpose is 

Simeon

He didn’t summon you on purpose...probably?

It’s kind of hard to tell. He seems really religious but he’s also super chill about the fact that you’re there

He acknowledges that you’re a demon but never actually brings it up

When you’re in public he introduces you as a friend of his

It’s actually kind of funny to shake hands with people who would probably scream if they knew who you really were

You end up reading a few of the books he wrote. They’re actually really good. You even find a character that reminds you of you. It’s actually a little too similar really, but it was written before you two had ever met so you guess its just a coincidence.

He asks to see your demon form and as you have no real reason to say no you agree

He’s rather unphased but like Lucifer he’s very interested in your wings. Almost bluntly he asks if you could fly with them, or more importantly if you could fly with him

He’s not a big guy so it’s pretty easy for you to pick him up

It’s not the proximity that has you blushing but his outfit. While you had noticed he was rather scantily clad, it is extremely obvious when you have to touch him, hands pressed tight to the dips in his hips, while an arm is delicately slung around your neck. It takes all your focus not to just have a nosebleed and crash

When you get high enough that the city lights gleam below you and the stars glitter above he becomes very quiet. When you look over to see if you broke your new human you see that he’s just staring at the stars

He seems very at home in the air and holding him isn’t so bad. The two of you stay up there for a long time and when he finally begins to shiver from the altitude you settle on the roof tucked tight to his side watching the stars a little longer. Both of you thinking of a home you can no longer go

Luke

Has a heart attack

Literally has a heart attack

As soon as you appear he’s dialing for Simeon to come help him because there is a DEMON in his house!!

He tries various methods to banish you, most of them hilarious to say the least. 

Throwing salt, holy water, and even a shoe when he got desperate was about all he had in his arsenal. You actually laughed at that last one or at least you did before he started to cry

You give Simeon a pleading glance but when he only gives a mysterious smile at you in return you decide to scoop Luke up. He complains but pushes further into your chest anyways.

Once he starts calming down to the point where he doesn’t try to exorcise you whenever you enter a room he’s not that bad

In fact he’s pretty fun to hang around with. 

He spends a lot of time baking and you’re able to buy his affection by offering to teach him Devildom recipes

After helping him make yet another batch of cupcakes together you find that you actually really like the kid???

After this he’s going to be the most protected child in the entire world

Bullies beware between you and Simeon nothing is going to happen to Luke on your watch

Luke tries to rein you in most of the time so you have to make sure to do anything when he’s not watching

For the most part he pretends like he doesn’t like demons, but in the end it's obvious that he really cares about you

[skyhopedango]

State of the Season pt 3

Following pts 1 and 2...

Bishounen Tanteidan

I've been struggling with how to go about writing about this, because every single sentence I thought of ended with "...and this is why Ouran Host Club is superior and everyone should watch that instead."

I mean, it's not like the show is trying to avoid comparisons? Or maybe they thought Ouran Host Club was so long ago nobody would notice or care? But I mean come on, starting with the whole premise of "pretty boy club where the 'pretty boy' part is of central importance, and where the members are all eccentrics, especially the leader, takes in a girl disguised as a boy as their new member, that girl likes to snark at the eccentricies of the other members, and also she is voiced by Sakamoto Maaya" - even aside of that, there's also the whole "incredibly opulent school" setting, the "incredibly opulent" visuals in general, and...

Well.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It's really obvious. And frankly, Bishounen Tanteidan is not doing itself any favors by setting itself as being directly comparable to Ouran Host Club, because Ouran Host Club is superior to it in every way. Sure, I'm biased - Ouran Host Club is one of my favorite anime shows ever, it's cute, funny - like really funny not "smirking sometimes" funny - it's extremely relatable to me and my fandom experiences, the voice acting is impeccable (Miyano Mamoru when he still gave a shit!), the direction and the visuals are handled by a sure hand, thoughtfully and with a purpose, and the characters are not simply charming and fun - they're just extremely well-written (most of them, anyway) with depth enough to sail a submarine through. (Also: Ouran Host Club is one of those rare anime adaptations which are so much better than their manga source material that it's almost unfair.)

In comparison Bishounen Tanteidan is basically one of those cheap chocolate Easter bunnies. It looks nice and tasty, but once you take off the shiny wrapper and take a bite you'll find that it's 1. completely empty inside and 2. the "chocolate" is just a cheap compound mix.

Really, I could talk about how the visuals are just opulent without any particular purpose, to the point where you just end up tuning them out because when everything is shiny nothing is really shiny; or how it's full of characters talking and talking and talking and talking and saying stuff that sounds complicated and smart but once you stop to think about it it's all banalities at best and pretentious bullshit at worst; about how the "cases" are just random shit happening until someone stops the story to give a lengthy exposition to explain the whys and wherefores, and it's usually incredibly dumb in a not-fun way... really, there's so much I could talk about, but to me the main issue is the characters.

Like, in Ouran Host Club after two episodes you already have a good idea of who these characters are, what are their main character traits, what are their relationships with one another, etc., and it only gets more detailed later on. In Bishounen Tanteidan we're on episode 7 and... who are these people, other than loose collections of randomly assembled tropes? There's Girl With Super Vision who is sometimes reluctant sometimes not; there's Boy With Legs who has legs; there's Boy With Pretty Voice who might be a lolicon and who mostly functions as Mr Exposition; there's Boy With Red Hair who is kind of gruff and likes cooking I guess; and there's Silent Boy who I'm told is artistic but that doesn't really figure into anything really. It's been 7 episodes and the only one with a clearly defined personality is Manabu and even that personality is "annoying and not in a charming way."

Anyway, I'm watching because I do enjoy the character designs, Boy With Pretty Voice does have a very pretty voice and he looks gorgeous, and overall it's a harmless way to spend 20 minutes a week. But honestly, the most enjoyment it brought to me was inspiring me to rewatch Ouran Host Club. Seriously people, watch Ouran, it's great.

.

Shadows House

This one, though! After Godzilla SP, this is another very pleasant surprise. I went into this not knowing what to expect, and got a really fun mystery with cute and likeable characters, some nice designs... just overall it's a very entertaining little show with a pretty interesting story so far. (It's taking me some self-restraint not to just get the manga and read ahead.) This is one that I look forward to each week, and I'll definitely read the manga once it's over.

.

Megalobox 2: NOMAD

Aaand there's this. This show is just great. Nothing more or less. Like the first season it's a well-rounded, well-produced, really well-done show that basically does everything well and despite being built on obvious tropes, despite the story being predictable, it's so smooth, so well-done, so raw and passionate, it has so much heart - that it never once feels tired or boring. It's a perfect example of how you don't need to reinvent the wheel to make a show good, that tropes themselves are not bad only when you use them wrong (same case with Ouran Host Club vs Bishounen Tanteidan above, btw). It shows how to take something that might be tired and infuse it with a new life.

I mean... sure, these things are incredibly subjective. But personally, Nomad generated a ton more emotions in me with its recent episodes than To Your Eternity which keeps being hyped as the emotional heavy hitter of the season. The episode of Nomad where the past happenings are revealed was really hard for me to get through, because everything in it was either way too relatable or way too real.

So yeah, so far Nomad is one of the best shows of the past years, much like Megalobox was, and I'm fairly confident that it's going to be able to stick the landing.

.

..

...oh yeah, and there's also Fairy Ranmaru. :D But I'm blabbering about that one separately I guess?

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Jo’s Top 10 of 2020

I see lots of artists doing that thing where they post a piece from each month of the year... unfortunately my content creation isn’t necessarily consistent and it’s hard to track what month individual fic chapters were posted in, but I figured I’d do something similar and post my Top 10 pieces of content I created in 2020, what they’re about and why I love them. I actually did get a fair amount done this year thanks to the lockdown, but I’ve narrowed it down to these ten that I’d like to reflect on. (To be fair, I’m probably forgetting something huge. Feel free to leave comments if you think I passed over something important lol.)

10. Friendship in the Horde (meta): This is something I’d wanted to write for a while but finally got around to finishing in February. It’s basically a sociology paper lmao, an analysis of the social hierarchies and systems of the Horde. It was also a convenient excuse for me to gush about Catralonnie, an underrated (friend)ship. But honestly this was an important piece for me because I have always identified with the Horde characters way more than any of the rebels (other than Adora, who grew up in the Horde) and part of why is how they are in an unsafe environment and end up forming relationships that are helpful for survival but hinder them psychologically. And I think to understand the Horde characters and really evaluate their motives and choices you need to understand this first.

9. The Sting in My Eyes: On the surface this is just a run of the mill hurt/comfort oneshot, but it was a really important post-canon processing fic for me. I had a lot of feelings about Catra’s relationships with Shadow Weaver and Melog in season 5, particularly about how Catra must have felt really conflicted after Shadow Weaver told her what she wanted to hear all those years but in a way that felt unearned and out of the blue. It was really cathartic for me to write a scene where she struggles with those mixed feelings but has Adora and Melog to help her process them. And I had long associated the song the title is from with Catra and Shadow Weaver’s relationship, and the way she died trying to redeem herself really solidified that connection.

8. Hail Mary, chapter 6: This was supposed to be a short chapter mostly about the backstory between Catra and Scorpia in this au, with some Catradora yearning thrown in. It evolved into a massive, sprawling thing that is very atmospheric in terms of how the setting and vibes are described and how in the moment it feels. Hail Mary is like that sometimes but that type of narration is usually about football games rather than parties, so this chapter was a fun change of pace in many ways. It was really nostaglic for me to write too, the nerves of being a teenager at a party with your crush and how intense everything feels. And the Scorptra stuff really is delicious, it was nice seeing them have that conversation they never got to have in canon and truly make up, and the tiny sliver I added of Catra’s earlier history was heartbreaking in the best way. So this was not what I intended to write, but it turned out way better for it.

7. A Better Son or Daughter (AMV): I’ve done other Adora AMVs, but this one is really my iconic piece. The song is perfect for Adora, so perfect it’s on Noelle’s Adora playlist. The vid itself is a character study about Adora’s mental health struggles and the way she represses them, as well as a tribute to her resiliency and her eventual triumph of getting to a better place in her life. This is a song that gives me a lot of feelings and once I was making it about Adora it gave me even more, so this was a very satisfying piece to complete. I wish Noelle had gotten a chance to see it but oh well, maybe down the line.

6. Hail Mary, chapter 12: This is the chapter that much of the fic had been building to, Catra and Adora in conflict because Catra finally got the chance to be Adora’s hero and Adora shot her down. It’s painfully analogous to canon, both in terms of how (I suspect) Catra felt in Thaymor and Adora’s tendency to victim blame because she’s so pragmatic. There’s definitely some tones of Taking Control in there but Lonnie does a much better job of examining Catra’s psychology and needs than Glimmer did in canon (a writing error imo, Glimmer should have had more insight). Adora just wants to help but sometimes in her quest to do so she disenfranchises others, and this was a much needed look at that aspect of her character. It’s also an excellent illustration of what it’s like to play a peacekeeping role in an abusive household and how stressful it is trying to protect others while also protecting yourself.

5. Unstoppable (AMV): This is not my favorite Catra AMV I’ve ever done, but it might be the cleverest. The soundtrack is a song about mental illness masquerading as a song about being a bad bitch, which is basically Catra in a nutshell. The lyrics are incredibly fitting for her and her arc as it develops over seasons 1-4. The vid itself takes a hard turn in the interpretation of the lyrics, going from talking about how no one can stop Catra to how she can’t stop herself because she’s in such a terrible sunk cost fallacy spiral, and I think I got several death threats over that twist lmao. As someone who primarily deals in angst, there’s hardly a better compliment to be paid.

4. Demons, chapter 31: This one got real dark on me. The concept of this chapter was originally an examination of how comparing abuse can get really dicey but you also have to respect that other people have had different experiences from you and you have to be careful not to equate things or make it sound like you’re talking over someone else. I guess it’s also a bit of a look at how autistic people (like myself) will often explain why they can empathize so others know they understand rather than saying empty platitudes, but that can come off as insensitive or like they’re making things about them. I mean, in this case Adora kinda was making things about her, but she was provoked into it by a parade of comments insinuating she didn’t suffer at all, which was also unfair. Anyway it’s one of the more important Catradora fights in Demons and something I’d written bits of over a year prior, it was that important to the plot, but it also took a turn I was not originally planning. I finished the chapter when I was in a really bad depressive and self-loathing spiral and that bled onto the page, but it worked perfectly for Catra in this scenario... that push and pull of feeling like the world has hurt and victimized you mixed with knowing you’ve done some bad things yourself and feeling like you don’t have a leg to stand on when mourning the ways you’ve been hurt. It’s intense as all fuck but it’s excellent.

3. Hail Mary, chapter 11: Speaking of dark Catra content, this chapter... whew. It was really something else, to read and to write. I have written flashbacks in Demons that are more detailed and even include explicit violence but because those scenes are always in flashback form I never really got the chance to sit in the head of an abuse victim waiting for the other shoe to drop for an entire chapter like I did here. It’s quite different from the rest of Hail Mary stylistically and is both highly sensory and extremely internalized. It took me back to some terrifying moments in my own life so it was difficult but also extremely cathartic to write. It’s important too because it really sets up where Catra was at mentally heading into her big fight with Adora, and that chapter is in Adora POV. This chapter is ranked so high simply because it’s... polished, as @malachi-walker put it. It almost is its own story within the story and really noteworthy as a piece all its own.

2. Demons, chapter 26: This chapter is very similar thematically to Hail Mary 12, just based in the canonverse. It deals with one of the core (but highly neglected by fandom) conflicts between Catra and Adora, where they both need to feel like they can take care of and protect the other but also detest feeling weak or vulnerable themselves. It leads to Adora’s ego making Catra feel disrespected and Catra’s behavior confusing Adora and making her think she’s an ungrateful brat rather than someone who needs so badly to be needed, just like her. There’s definitely some power struggles in this chapter but finally they’re able to get to the heart of it and seeing them talk it out is so satisfying. Getting this chapter published was also important to me on a personal level because, like I said, this aspect of their conflict and relationship is rarely acknowleged for how important it is when really it’s one of the deepest conflicts between them in the series. It’s a scene I started writing pretty much as soon I knew I was extending the fic into something longer because I just needed them to have this conversation, so finishing it was so satisfying.

1. Satisfaction, chapter 3: This chapter took me a really long time to write, both in terms of time to get it published and time I actually spent working on it. It’s the crown jewel of a fic that’s really important to me and I had to get it just right, so I spent more time agonizing over every detail and rewriting things to get them absolutely perfect than I usually do (I’m a perfectionist anyway, but this took it to a whole other level). But in the end it was worth it, because this chapter is damn fine. It’s really hot, as you’d expect from a smut fic, but it’s also an excellent character study of how both Catra and Adora were affected by their abuse and trauma and the issues it raises for them in terms of sex and intimacy. Also, come on, we need more BDSM fics out there that focus on the actual point of it all (the trust involved) and promote communication and do the character work to explain why they might be into it in the first place.

BONUS (from December 31, 2019): One of my favorite pieces of 2020 technically came out in 2019, but I posted it on New Years Eve so most people first saw it in 2020. It’s an absolute banger of an AMV called I’m Not Jesus that’s all about Catra and Adora’s anger towards Shadow Weaver and their refusal to forgive their abuser. Funny enough this came out before Adora’s iconic “I will never forgive you” line, and Shadow Weaver definitely made things more complicated with how she went out, but I think the sentiment still applies.

[mc-critical]

Hey it's me again XD

I don't know if this question has been asked before, but who is your favorite Sultana not by blood (not part of the royal family) and why?

(Mild spoilers ahead!)

My favourite non-dynastic sultana of the show and actually, of the whole franchise, is Mahidevran. She may not be the most likeable character in the beggining, but she grows and matures in a truly amazing way and I love her development throughout the narrative. Everything about her (even her view on Hürrem) evolves constantly and continually.

Despite of her early rash and irrational actions, you can understand her motives very well. It's hinted right from the start that Süleiman has been everything to her and she has lived calmly and peacefully in Manisa. It's devastating to witness the loss of all that, how one part of your world breaks completely apart. Especially when, as far as we see, SS never really loved her and in the audience's eyes, she had to grasp that truth, as well. The way we saw her switching her focus from Süleiman to Mustafa, the way she fell out of love with him and only cherished their memories (see E55 and E74) and then how she later realized that he's grown into a bad person that is able to do anything to reign supreme and keep his people under control, is an arc I loved watching unfold. Such an arc is also something you rarely get in a franchise where the adaption to the harem system is more explored and diving deep into the toxic mindsets of their environment as a result is exploited as a central theme and key for gaining power and rising in the hierarchy to the point it reached its logical extreme. Seeing someone getting out of that instead and actually given the narrative favor regardless in the later seasons... is awesome, can't lie there, and is exemplary of Mahidevran's perceptiveness of the system we saw bits and pieces of in the beggining and then became a big part of her arc.

Speaking of which, the theme of adaption is still used with Mahidevran regardless and I love the result. I loved seeing her move forward, as much as I sympathized with her struggle to move forward. She was such a human character with so many understandable emotions. She knew she had to suppress these emotions for the sake of her own wellbeing, for the sake of Mustafa, for the sake of her loved ones... and yet, sometimes she just couldn't or simply didn't know how. It was like sometimes, no one around her could understand or alleviate her pain simply because they were so used to this environment and she felt lost and helpless in her situation with finding out what to do. Mahidevran's experiences are probably the ones I connected with the most in MC/K and I was looking forward for her to develop and learn from these experiences. And it all paid off in the end! [What helped even more in my case, is that I actually began watching the show with S03, with having a bit of context before that, of course, being aware of Mahi's mishaps, and seeing her developed S03 self was so refreshing to see and encouraged me even further to watch more of the series!] She was even more graceful and diligent in the sanjacks and the way she wanted the same rules that she previously was against to be applied, was very interesting to examine and also a hint of her character development.

What shone in Mahidevran the brightest and the earliest for me, were her relationships. I love how nurturing and loyal she is. I love her relationships with Valide, Hatice, Ibrahim, then Fidan, Taşlicali, etc. and they truly show the best in her and make up for very fresh interactions, contrasted with any and all problematic deeds of hers. (that's mostly S01, but still) I love how caring she is with all the people she loved and wanted them to be genuinely happy. I love how willing she is to share with them and work together with them. I love how devoted she is to her alliances. I love how her interaction with them was filled with so much heart and emotion, whether it was happiness, sadness, surprise, anger etc. These interactions all came from a real place.

All in all, I love her motherhood, despite that it isn't perfect. I love her moments with Mustafa which show her as open, sincere, decisive and mature at the same time. I love how she evolved as a mother overall. (more on how unique I feel her development was in that regard here.)

I also loved how her in her worst (S02B and especially when she ruled the harem, IMO) is precisely when she seemed to have detached from every single thing to admire about her, the pinnacle of her strenghts, which culminated in her biggest flaws, and having her actually let it all out and overcome it is very poetic for me.

I love Mahidevran's strenght. She's strong in a different way from quite some characters, but her strenght is still as immense and makes an impact. It's not easy to overcome all she's gone through and still keep it together and keep on for the sake of a hope of a better life and justice. She found solace in Mustafa, but in the end, she found solace in herself and took on what fate had to offer with as much dignity as possible.

I love how complex she is. I love analyzing her actions, because they can be very ambiguous and questionable, yet there's always nuanced reasons behind them the fandom doesn't seem to grasp sometimes. I love how much of a thematic antagonist she's to Hürrem and how they both change, almost in a contrasting parralel.

She's not perfect, nor is she always written in the best way (I admit that S02A Mahidevran is pretty bad to the point of near one-dimensionality and the early narrative voice didn't always do her justice), but I love her overall arc and I feel her journey is worth watching, no matter how much of an antagonist she is to the main beloved character. Mahi is a character you come to get even more on rewatch and it's like you see things about her you didn't firsthand. And she's probably the biggest offender of this out of all the characters in my eyes, because you already know how her arc wraps up and how much she ended up realizing about the environment she was put in.

So basically, I love my girl to bits and she deserved to say screw it and live a happy life with her son somewhere far from all the tension and intrigue, no matter how impossible it may seem, periodt. 💗

[venusofthehardsells]

No Rest for the Wicked [Dea ex Machina part one]

John ConstantinexAngel!Reader Summary: You travel to a remote island to put a murderous spirit to rest, but things get complicated when you run into one John Constantine. Warnings: swearing, mentions of mental illness, blood, smoking, ghosts, pining, is slowburn a warning? A/N: My first Constantine fic on tumblr, yay! This was originally written for a challenge aaages ago, but it got away from me and I couldn’t meet the deadline. I had so much fun with this though, Constantine is a great character to write for! There will definitely be more stories about him and this particular angelic reader in the future ♥

I’ve mixed elements from both the Vertigo comics and the NBC TV series, as well as from the general DC Universe, so don’t expect accuracy when it comes to canon. A special thanks to @nellblazer​​ for support and linguistic aid, you’re the best! ♥ Let me know what you think and if you want to be tagged ~

Contrary to common belief, there had never actually been any ravens on Raven’s Rock. The tiny, windswept fleck of land in the North Sea had been named a few hundred years ago by a fool of a sailor, who hadn’t been able to tell a raven from a severely lost and consequently very confused Scandinavian pigeon. Said sailor had regrettably also been of some importance in his homeland at the time, meaning no one had bothered to correct the unfortunate mistake for fear of losing a head. Even though everyone who since came upon the island only ever managed to find gulls and puffins and various other seabirds, it had still kept its misleading English name.

The Celts, who by rights had been on the island long before the British, had chosen to play it safe and completely forego the bird names (although it had been suggested several times in later centuries to change it to the Gaelic word for seagull, or even pigeon, as a taunt). Instead, they had most likely looked to the ancient ruins that specked the island, jutting up from the rocks like broken teeth and, all things considered, had endured well beyond memory and history and legend. Or perhaps they had still been reeling from the mad determination that had brought them and their wooden ships so far from home. Whichever the case, they had called the stubborn, little rock Innis Seasmhach, “the steadfast island”.

That was its official name to this day, though most people, especially those who didn’t speak Gaelic (which in all fairness are not very many), still referred to it as Raven’s Rock.

The locals shrugged and simply called it “the island”.

There was only one village on the entire island, whose population on a good day might reach a hundred and thirty people. That usually only happened a few times during summer when the ferries from Stavanger and Aberdeen docked at the same time. The tourists came to see the ruins, buy a souvenir fridge magnet of a raven or a puffin, complain about the frightfully bleak weather and leave again on one of the ferries that departed before evenfall, secretly happy they didn’t have to spend any more time on the island.

On the day you arrived, the population on the isle of Raven’s Rock, was an astounding one hundred and forty four, which was quite unheard of in the middle of October.

What was even more unheard of, however, was the reason for all these untimely appearances.

A night ago, a pair of fishermen had discovered the body of a man in a small, secluded cove on the north side of the island. The body was placed so that it could only be seen from sea, unless one were to venture down a rocky and extremely narrow trail into the cove itself. It wasn’t hard to imagine someone slipping and ending up on the stony beach below. That kind of unfortunate death was of course tragic, but it hardly warranted the wide array of policemen and journalists the death had attracted. No, the reason for the sudden interest was the gruesome way the body had been displayed.

The dead man had been stripped bare and splayed out on the rocks like a cross with his arms stretched away from his torso. His skin was almost completely covered in symbols and writing no one could make sense of, though one expert, when consulted by the mystified and slightly desperate police, vaguely suggested it was possibly a rare pre-Arthurian dialect.

The more macabre specifics had so far been kept out of the press.

One was that the writings on the body had been done in blood, the corpse’s own, and another was that it came from where the head had been crudely severed from the rest of the flesh and spiked close by on a piece of driftwood.

Even hypnotised, the young sergeant who had told you, had looked slightly green when he related the information. You had padded him sympathetically on the shoulder before moving on. He wouldn’t remember revealing the details to you, but the information itself was seared into his mind forever.

His, along with the rest of the islanders’, you mused as you continued from the harbour and on into the village.

The locals called it “town”, but in truth it wasn’t really big enough to warrant that title.

It had one store that sold a little bit of everything depending on the weather, a church, a pub, a repair shop (it wasn’t specified what exactly you could get repaired there) and a public building, functioning as city hall, police station, post office, library and school in one. All the police reinforcements from Aberdeen had been moved into the city hall, seeing as the only two policemen permanently stationed on the island had never handled a murder case before. Meanwhile, the reporters and TV crews covering the case were taking up the pub’s five tiny bedrooms, both B&Bs and every single rental cottage Raven’s Rock could boast (nine in total if you counted the back room in the garage of the repair shop). Because you had left for the airport in a hurry and jumped onto the first plane to Norway, you hadn’t had time to secure a place to sleep on the island. You had pondered it on the ferry, but when it came down to it, you didn’t want to stick around longer than a day. If you worked fast, you could probably be on your way back to the mainland in the morning and wouldn’t need to worry about finding a bed. You had spotted a bench down by the harbour; it would have to do.

Besides, you didn’t have any time to waste as long as the murder case was unsolved. You could still hear Madame Xanadu’s words in your head like some annoying ominous echo.

A restless darkness will carry its evil across the water to be unleashed upon the twice-named rocks. The steadfast land will drink the blood of the laughing magician.

Fate was a menace when you had to deal with it like this, grounded and fumbling through the world with nothing but scraps to guide you. Not like in the old days when you had all of Heaven at your disposal… Being a proper angel had really had its advantages. You scoffed and walked faster. At least this prophecy had been pretty straightforward, which was far from what you were usually given to work with, you thought sourly, folding your arms around yourself against the wind.

A malevolent spirit that should have passed on, but hadn’t was easy enough to figure out; it happened all the time and you could deal with that. The location of the spirit had also been a walk in the park with so many hints to go on.

What really worried you was the second part of Madame Xanadu’s little mystic insight.

The steadfast land will drink the blood of the laughing magician.

Blood drinking was never a good omen in prophecies. It hardly ever meant vampires, usually just death. And the laughing magician, well, that one was always the same. The reason Madame Xanadu had called upon you to restore the balance in this place.

John Constantine.

Whenever one of her foresights indicated that the blonde warlock was walking into something he couldn’t handle himself, she sent you after him or, in this case, ahead to clear his path for him. Most times, he didn’t even know you had been there and you preferred it that way.

Like now.

The last you had heard of John was that he was in the States. Sufficiently far away, you thought. Even if someone had alerted him to the murder on Raven’s Rock, it would be at least another day before he could reach the windswept little island and by then you hoped to be long gone. It was best if you two didn’t meet at all.

You chewed on your lip as you thought of him. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to see him, it was just… easier if you didn’t. The things you did, the jobs you took were simply too dangerous if your focus wasn’t a hundred per cent on the task in front of you. And with John around, your newly mortal heart had a tendency to make your better judgement evaporate.

You passed a phonebox on the main (and only) street that looked as though it had seen better days and a small tourist information office/part time bakery with its doors and windows shut for the night, before you reached the seemingly only building in town with light and, admittedly subdued, noise streaming out of it: the pub. Apart from the city hall, you reckoned it must be the oldest building around, but also by far the one in best repair. The wooden sign above the heavy green door was, unsurprisingly, in the shape of a very sinister looking gull and it swayed in the wind with an ominous creak that made a shiver run down your spine, as if trying to dissuade you from entering.

Well, it wasn’t very likely that you would get any information elsewhere. With determination in your steps, you walked the last few cobbled steps to the door and went inside.

Your eyes quickly scanned the room, the patrons, the energies... and you froze on the threshold.

On a stool by the bar sat the very man you had hoped to avoid. He had taken off his signature trench coat and his back was towards you, but it didn't matter; you would recognise him blindfolded. He was so thoroughly cloaked and shrouded in magical protections of all sorts that the space he occupied was practically a vacuum. It was damn near impossible to locate him by magic, you knew. If one weren't looking directly at him, like you were now, no sixth sense or intricate spell would reveal his whereabouts. But his was a vacuum you had come to know very well. So well in fact, that by now you could pin him down by his apparent lack of magic, rather than by his well-hidden magical signature, and yet, there he was, sitting only half a room away from you with a drink in one hand and one of his ghastly Silk Cuts resting between the fingers of the other. And you hadn't noticed. You hadn't even done a quick scan to see if there were other magical presences on the island when you arrived. Worse, you hadn't cloaked yourself as thoroughly as you normally would have done and your own signature reached him before you could even think to try and prevent it.

From the way he straightened his back and immediately snuffed out the cigarette in an ashtray as if someone had shouted at him to show some care, you could tell he knew you were there. He shifted ever so slightly as if making room for you and you sighed. There was no getting out of this one.

Getting rid of your raincoat, you went over and crawled onto the empty stool next to him.

You were met with that wicked smirk of his that made your heart stutter and stumble in your chest.

"Now, there's a pleasant surprise to brighten this hellhole," he greeted, raising his glass at you. "Must confess, I never guessed I'd be running into you on this godforsaken rock, luv."

"Hello John." You did with a nod, trying to keep your voice even. "Can't say I expected this to be your sort of retreat either."

The warm light in the pub shone in John Constantine's dark eyes and his smirk grew into a grin.

"It's good to see you, luv. I've missed that disapproving pout o' yours. The fact that I never know when I'll see it again makes it so much sweeter."

You rolled your eyes at him, but didn't attempt to hide your burning cheeks. The bastard couldn’t possibly know exactly how brightly your torch for him was burning, but he always acted accordingly.

"So, what are you doing here then? Odd place for playing tourist, innit?"

He leaned on the counter, his hand moving closer to where yours was resting and there was that little, dark gleam of hope in his eyes that always appeared when he looked at you. As if there was somehow some other reasonable purpose you could have to be in a place like this, at a time like this.

You shrugged, biting down a smile.

"I find the climate rather agreeable."

John threw his head back and laughed at that. Even the barkeep, who had overheard your words, snorted. You caught his gaze before he turned back around and ordered a sparkling water.

"Right. And I just happened by to see the sights, eh?"

"Well, what do you think of them then?"

You raised an eyebrow at him and took a sip of the fizzy water the barkeep placed in front of you. John grinned and gave you an obvious once-over. Your dirty boots and high-neck jumper didn't seem to put him off.

"Much improved since this morning. At this rate, I can't wait to see how they'll look in the night."

"Oh, I ought to slap that smirk off your smug face, wizard," you sighed, feeling how your stomach was practically fluttering at his suggestive tone.

"Is that a promise, luv?"

"You're insufferable."

"Aye, that I am, luv, but you keep coming back for more. Must be doing something right, eh?"

You bit your lip and looked down; he suddenly felt too close. And the general level of noise inside the pub from people chattering wasn't as high as you had hoped. It would be easy for others to overhear anything you said. Given the island-wide unrest over the murder, you were sure ears were perked more than usual and you didn't want to draw any attention to yourself, or John. You would have to gather more information some other way.

"I missed you, too," you confessed, staring at the bottles lining the wall behind the bar as if they were all of a sudden exceedingly interesting. "But I... I thought you were helping out a certain green vigilante overseas these days."

John visibly tensed up.

"Who told you that?"

You shrugged, still not looking directly at him. The truth was that he couldn't really hide from you, not even in your current state. If he found out though, you didn't doubt for a second that his heated flirting would be switched for a literal knife in the back before you could even think the word "portal". Well, perhaps not literal, but you had no doubt the outcome would be fatal for you anyway.

"Who told you to come here?," you countered, raising an eyebrow and John scoffed.

"If you must know, I got a call from an old friend. Looks like she's been scrying on her own and this little spit of land kept drawing all her energy. Didn't seem like something I could ignore."

"You should've," you mumbled, taking a large slurp of your water and doing your best to ignore the persistent little spark of envy starting to gnaw away at you at his choice of words. What old friend? It had to be someone he had slept with, it always was with him. Why couldn't you just not care? "Take my advice, John, leave. Go home and lay low. I'll handle this island."

"Is that concern for old Johnny I hear, luv?," he asked with mock-surprise.

"Maybe. Don't let it get to your head, your ego won't be able to fit into that coat of yours."

He chuckled, but the tension was still there and you didn't know how to break it without giving him the truth, or at least something close.

"Your turn, pretty bird. I don't believe in coincidences like this, so tell me. How'd you know to come here?"

Lying to John Constantine was out of the question. As was being honest with him.

You chewed on your lip a bit, weighing your options. It wasn't like him to accept any kind of help unless he was downright desperate and that was still a long way off. If you challenged him though, he was most likely to flee, that much you knew. But you didn't want to get on his bad side unless you had absolutely no other choice.

"Leave," you repeated. "This one's out of your league, John. Let me take care of it, please."

The way your eyes were pleading with him made him frown and you realised you might have shown too much of your hand.

"I'm not going anywhere, luv." His hand was on top of yours on the bar before you could move it. To anyone looking, it seemed like an affectionate gesture, but he was effectively pinning you in place. "Not until you give me a bloody good reason not to give you the same treatment as whatever beast it is we're dealing with on this island."

"Let go of me."

Your voice wasn't very loud, but you knew he could hear you. He answered by pressing down harder on your hand and you winced.

"Why is it so hard for you to believe I just want to keep you safe?," you all but hissed at him, emptying your drink with a sour expression.

"Oh, I trust you just about as far as I can throw you, luv. Every time I see your pretty little face it means there's trouble brewing just around the corner."

"I saved your life in Tennessee. And in Derry," you tried, but his hold didn't loosen. If anything, John was now gripping your hand so hard no blood could possibly flow to your fingers. "I am trying to do your stubborn Scouse arse a bloody favour, why can't you just for once in your damn life listen to me?"

"Tell me your name then and maybe I will."

Fuck. Somehow it always came down to that.

"Xanadu," you snapped through gritted teeth, eyeing John with what you hoped was an appropriate amount of ire. "Xanadu contacted me and told me about this place. Happy? Obviously, she wasn't going to tell you now, was she?"

John withdrew his hand from you as though you'd burned him. It felt about as pleasant as a punch to the teeth, but you tried not to let it show on your face.

"I suppose you're right...," he admitted. "What did she tell you then? Her usual cryptic nonsense I reckon?"

"For someone in your line of work, you're not at all keen on prophecy reading, are you?," you sighed, forcing a bit of humour into your words.

There was no love lost between John Constantine and Madame Xanadu, that much had been clear to you from the beginning. But even though she couldn't stand the sight of him, she believed John was instrumental in keeping the world safe and had begrudgingly agreed to help you protect him when she could.

"Not really my style. I prefer things more tangible, to the point. Besides, I don't need to worry about divination when I have you."

"You rarely do."

"Not by my choice, luv."

Your eyes flickered back to the empty glass in front of you and you had to take a very slow breath to try and steady yourself. His effect on you was too strong for you to be safe around him. Your job required a clear head - for both your sakes.

"A restless darkness will carry its evil across the water to be unleashed upon the twice-named rocks," you recited, steeling your voice as you averted his unspoken question the way you always did. "It wasn't that cryptic at all for once."

He didn't need to hear the other part. You could feel his eyes roaming your face, trying to figure you out, looking for something without fully knowing what. It was at times like these you missed your wings. Keeping secrets in a human body full of emotions and urges and reactions beyond your immediate control was frustrating at best. It was another reason you were better off keeping your distance.

After a while of searching your features, John sighed and gave up.

"Alright. So it's probably some kind of malevolent spirit then, wreaking havoc. Don't see why you're so worried luv, sounds like any other Tuesday to me."

The barkeep was close enough for you to signal for a refill to you both. He grunted something unintelligible, obviously not too keen on all the Brits suddenly hanging out in his pub. You made sure to send him a grateful smile as he filled your glasses, yours with sparkling water, John's with whisky.

"My weeks are all Mondays," you said and raised the glass to your lips; just as you had hoped, John did the same. "Did you get here in time to see the body?"

"Only after they moved it. Wasn't pretty..." He took another swig while staring at the wall with a distant glaze clouding his eyes that told you he wasn't seeing the wall at all. "Pathologist told me the man had been alive when 'is head was severed. The, er... the inscriptions..." John looked just as sickly green as the constable had done and very gently you put your hand on his shoulder. A small gesture of reassurance. "I'm tired," he whispered suddenly. He turned his head to look at you and your heart ached when you realised how glassy his eyes had become. "I am just so bloody tired. Demons, vampires, curses, spirits, the lot. No matter where I go, there're always more and people die, it never stops. Innocent people, good people... I just want a fucking break, but if I don't stop the darkness from spreading, who will?"

His voice was thin and on the verge of breaking entirely. You wanted nothing more than to lean forwards on the stool and put your arms around him, somehow make him know he wasn't alone, but the risk was too great. You were in too deep already.

"Sometimes I wonder whether it's all worth it..."

"Of course it's worth it, John," you said quietly, clenching his shoulder. "We do what we have to so they...," you gestured discreetly towards the patrons, ”they can go on living their lives and not... not know and see the things we do..."

"I know, luv, I know. I just... I want..." The gloom that was always lurking just below the surface of his existence was spilling into his eyes. He was weary to the bone, deep into his very soul. For a moment, you thought he was going to let the tears burst. "I risk my life every day and it's never bloody enough, is it? A man got his head carved off by some wretched spirit who should have been resting in peace. Fuckin’ Hell..."

He rubbed his eyes hard and you decided then what to do. You didn't like it one bit, but seeing John this worn down, well, you liked that even less. It meant you had been sleeping on the job.

As subtly as you could, you put your hand in your pocket and found the tiny zip-bag with a pinch of purple powder in it. It wasn't something you used often and it had never been meant for John, but you couldn't in good conscience let him go after a rogue spirit in his current state. While he emptied his glass again, you drizzled the powder into your hand and braced yourself.

"John, look at me. It's going to be alright. You are John Constantine and without you this world would have ended twelve times in the last decade, maybe more. And right now you are going to save this island, because that is what you do. So get off your sulking arse and stop feeling sorry for yourself. We have a job here. You're going to find that spirit and put it out of its misery before it hurts someone else, got it?"

He huffed, but even so raised his head and managed a small grateful smile at the reprimand.

"Yes. You're right. Thank you, luv. You always know what to say..." His eyes darted to your lips and for half a heartbeat, you did nothing, just sat there and waited for him to lean in the rest of the way and kiss you. It was far from the first time it had happened, but you still felt at war with yourself. There wasn't a single atom left in you anymore that didn't crave his affection. He was drunk and emotional and between the way he looked at you and the way there suddenly seemed to be less and less space separating your bodies, there was no doubt about his intention. It would be so easy just to finally give in and let it happen.

"Don't thank me."

Before he could lean back or ask you what you meant, you blew the purple powder straight into his face.

His eyes widened in shock, but his body immediately began to turn relaxed and pliant.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me...," he mumbled, but his gaze was already unfocused.

"I'm so sorry, John," you whispered, gently guiding his torso onto the bar.

He tried to say something more, but his words were slurred and within a few seconds, he was gone.

You had gotten the sleeping powder from a dealer in New Orleans, who had told you the effects would last at least four hours. They always oversold their stuff, but hopefully John would be out long enough for you to deal with the entire affair if you hurried up and took a few shortcuts. It was a messy solution, but then again, you hadn't planned on him being here. Desperate times and all that.

"He gonna be lying there all night?," the barkeep grumbled with a raised eyebrow at John when you hopped down from your stool. You put on the best smile you could manage under the circumstances and slid 50 quid across the counter.

"He'll come ‘round soon enough. If not, I'll be back for him in a few."

You practically fled the pub before he could ask you any more questions.

The road outside was deserted and you hoped no one was watching as you marched to the lonely phone box you had spotted earlier. It didn't look like anyone had used it in several years, but when you picked up the receiver the dial tone was there alright.

You took out a stained, battered playing card from the depths of one of your pockets (the seven of diamonds) and slid it into the credit card slot. You didn't own a mobile phone and neither did most of your acquaintances, but still you had memorised the few numbers you occasionally needed.

"Hey Chas, it's me," you said when the answering machine finally picked up. "I'm at the island with John and I haven't got much time. I don’t want to get John involved in this so I need to work fast. There's no need to worry, really, I've got it under control, but... just in case something unforeseen happens, uhm... if I don't call back in let's say ten hours, will you let John know where to find my body? He can't track me in his usual ways, so he'll need your help."

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. What you were about to do was risky, maybe even reckless.

"I'm going to the beach where they found the dead man and work my way from there. If... if I don't succeed..." It was as if your throat was suddenly full of gravel. "Chas, please, just make sure John isn't the one to take on that spirit. He is not ready for that." Too late, you held the receiver away from your face while you tried to suppress a sniffle. So much for convincing Chas Chandler that you had things under control. Forcing your voice to even out, you continued. "I have to go. Just help him if I can’t, okay? And don’t worry too much. I’ll probably see you in a couple of days.”

Before you could say anything even more stupid, you hung up and slid your helpful seven of diamonds back into your coat. Handy little thing to have on you.

You left the phone box in the last light of day and made your way down to the beach. It took you twenty minutes to reach the cove and less than one to sneak under the police tape unseen. There were just two constables standing guard at the scene and they only looked when you wanted them to. For an active crime scene, the site was unusually quiet, but you attributed your luck to the dusk that made searching for clues almost impossible.

Of course, that went for you as well, you thought sourly as you carefully stepped around the little plastic numbers the police forensics had put up all over the little stretch of beach. You could make out the bloody piece of driftwood and the large dark spatter running down the stones where the corpse had lain, but nothing smaller than those. Even if the place was rather secluded, you didn’t dare light a torch with the uniforms standing idly guard so close by.

Sighing, you closed your eyes and concentrated.

The place was tingling with dark energy and it became clearer the more you felt around, using your own magic.

A spirit, just like you had anticipated. A lost soul preying on the living for… revenge? Yes, the bloody traces sang with the mad desire for vengeance that so often kept the dead from their rest. 

Bloodshed, the thirst temporarily quenched. Then what?

The movements of the spirit became blurry after that no matter how hard you tried to focus. The leftover energy had been disturbed and mixed with the signatures of all the people who had been to the crime scene since the discovery of the body and it was impossible to make out without assistance, even for someone as experienced as you.

If you couldn’t locate the soul, you couldn’t send it packing. 

Luring it via séance required more people and it was too risky for everyone involved anyway. Without its name, summoning it was out of the question as well.

You groaned when you realised what you had to do.

Making sure for the last time you couldn’t be seen from the line of police tape above you, you took off your backpack and dark raincoat and shoved both of them under the nearest rock. Next, you loosened your boots and sat them next to the backpack, then your thick scarf and woollen jumper. With short, angry movements, you rolled your trousers down and folded them hastily, ripped off your socks and wriggled out of your top.

“You’re so bloody lucky I love you, John,” you mumbled through clenched teeth that were starting to rattle in your skull. With fingers already numb from the cold, you unclasped your bra and slid down your underwear before you could change your mind, and with a deep breath, you stepped into the waves.

Even before you went into the sea, your body had been covered in goosebumps from the chilly October air, but the surfs rising around your legs now made you heave for breath with every step forward. The rocks under your feet were dull compared to the sharpness of the water. When it reached you mid-thigh you had to stop and wait for the pain to subside enough so that you could get further out. You were too close to the beach and the water was still too shallow for your purpose.

A tangle of seaweed drifted past your ankle, or at least you hoped it was just seaweed. It was hard to tell for sure in the dark.

Your submerged muscles were screaming as you forced yourself out until the water reached your ribs. If only that wretched spirit hadn’t chosen the middle of the bleeding autumn to throw its tantrum.

“Sacred Nanuet, your humble servant speaks to you,” you intoned through gritted teeth and held out your hands on either side of you so the gentle waves touched the palms of your hands. “She beseeches you; allow her the honour of sharing in your wisdom. Blessed goddess, lend her your sight and expand her understanding, your humble servant begs of you, great Nanuet…”

The ancient language you muttered your request in felt strange on your tongue as always, but your flattery worked. You could feel the magic start to sing under your hands and so you took a deep breath and lowered yourself completely into the sea.

The stranglehold of the freezing water somehow got pushed into the background of your conscience and within a beat of your heart your mind was alight with images. Through the water, you could see most of the world, but you focused on Raven’s Rock and the little beach behind you. The water had seen it all. From the depths of the ocean, it rolled onto the sand and sneaked its way under the island’s rocks, seeped into the soil and was drunk by the hungry roots of The Green, stretching into the light above ground…

It wasn’t long before you managed to zero in on the exact event you needed. The Sight of Nanuet allowed your mind to access the memory of the watery abyss, which included as good as all water on Earth and not a lot of people mastered navigating it anymore. You had been forced to use a lot of wordly magic since you lost your wings and so had learned to find what you needed relatively easy.

Through the Sight, you saw the murder of the man on the beach, how the spirit severed his head and lapped at the blood before turning away from the scene. It lost some of its shape then, but through the dewy grass above the cove and the moist air, you managed to follow it away from the beach and across the land.

The spirit held its physical form, or at least the overall contours of it, and it made it easier to trail. From what you could tell, it definitely had been human when it had been alive. Poor thing. If only it hadn’t gone and murdered someone, maybe you could have sent it to rest. 

But would you even be there if it hadn’t?

When the spirit finally settled, you had followed it to an old, abandoned stone house with no windows and a door rotting away on the hinges. The place must have been a farm. There were several small outhouses scattered around the main building and indents in the earth marking former animal pens. The roof had been a thatched one, but now it was more moss than straw and what still remained beneath the heavy green patches had long since turned mouldy and dark. A few shards of glass jutted from some of the window frames like crude, predatory teeth waiting to chew up whoever was unfortunate or foolish enough to get close.

You went after the spirit through the remnants of the front door.

A voice in the back of your head told you it was enough, you should get out of the house and the Sight and the water. You had what you needed for now.

But the way the spirit slumped through the dark rooms and up a ramshackle staircase, as if it had done it a hundred times before, as if it belonged there in that house, intrigued you. It didn't match your original theory, the reason you didn't want John involved.

Curiosity piqued, you followed the lonely ghost up the stairs, where it turned left and went into a room with what had been two alcoves in the wall but were now mostly caved in. The room didn't have any windows and it was hard to make out the details, but the flimsy shape of the spirit trudged towards one of the beds and with motions as if the bedding had still been intact, it lay down and pulled the memory of a blanket over itself.

You slowly got closer, unsure of what to do. The visible shape of the ghost was gone now that it was no longer in motion and the general gloom of the empty house made it near impossible for you to see anything clearly. But the person the ghost had been once seemed so at home here. You couldn't feel any hostility from it at all, not even a trace. Only peace, comfort. Quiet.

This had been its home once when it had lived, you were almost certain of it.

But the desolate little stone house, out of the way even for the island's standard, must have stood abandoned for several decades, maybe even a century or two. If the ghost had lived here it was much older than you had initially thought.

Which meant you might have knocked John out for nothing.

Fuck.

You had to find out more and fast, but it was unlikely the memory of the house before your closed eyes would yield anything further. Even if it was dark and late in the evening, you would have to go there physically. The chances of finding something would be higher, and besides, you couldn't stay in the water forever. You were almost human, after all.

The thought had barely crossed your mind before the reflex to breathe kicked in and you could feel the freezing seawater rush down your throat. One inhale was all it took for your lungs to feel heavy as a pair of burning bricks. A fleeting realisation, that drowning was one of the most unpleasant sensations you’d had the misfortune of experiencing since losing your wings, faintly made it to the front of your perception before the back of your head hit the sand on the ocean floor. Then the only thing you could focus on was the pressure of the water and the way your body grew ever more numb…

The room still flickered before your eyes, slowly losing definition as you lost consciousness. Strange, you mused with your last bit of coherence, that an angel from Heaven should die looking up at it from so far below, in the cold embrace of the sea. It wasn't even painful anymore, the water, but oddly comforting, lulling you to rest, holding you tight.

The only regret you had was leaving John…

The last thing you saw before your eyes fell shut was his face above yours and a faint smile moved your lips. How very considerate of your mind to conjure up his image as the last thing you would ever see.

You could feel his arms around you even, fingers digging into your skin, his body pressed down against your own…

“Bloody fucking Hell, let her go!” The words didn’t make sense to you and they sounded so awfully far away. “She isn’t yours, you stupid paegan relic, let go of her! Let go!”

But you were, you were letting go, there was nothing more you could do.

“Christ, luv, which heathen tosspot did you enlist to drown you?! Yam, Ægir? Tiamat? Nanuet? Nanuet, isn’t it?” At the invocation of her name, you could feel the ancient goddess slacken her hold on you, as if in surprise, and you vaguely realised that the embrace you felt didn’t belong to her or the water, but to John. “Oh, you always were a fickle tart. Let go of this servant or so help me God, I, John Constantine, will destroy you and every last shrine still bearing your blasted name! Let her go!”

With a cry you weren’t sure was even coming from you, your face broke the surface of the waves. You violently coughed up seawater and if it weren’t for John’s arms, you would have fallen right back down into the deep. Your head was spinning. The numbness gave way to a cold so freezing you might as well have been rolling in needles. Everything hurt. Your legs felt unsteady, no, your entire body felt as if someone had replaced your bones with straw and your muscles with jelly.

“J-John…,” you coughed, but he shushed you, keeping you close to him in the water.

“I know, luv, it’s a bloody miracle you aren’t dead, you’re welcome for that. Now let’s get you out of the water, yeah?”

He was really there, drenched in the North Sea in the middle of October at what might as well have been the edge of the Earth, just to save you from drowning. His white shirt and black trousers clung to his frame like film and from what you could make out in the light from the moon, he was shuddering from the cold, too. You had never wanted to kiss him so badly before.

“I c-can’t m-m-move,” you got out through teeth rattling painfully in your skull, suddenly all too aware of your proximity and your own state of undress. As much as you wanted to cling to him for warmth, for closeness, the logical part of your muddled brain was screaming at you to keep your distance. That was what you did, wasn’t it?

“‘Course you can’t. How long were you under for, anyway? Completely off your rocker summoning a paegan goddess alone at night in the middle of the bloody ocean! What were you thinking?”

“I-I saw the g-ghost,” you weakly tried stammering through your clattering teeth. “Saw h-how it killed-ungh!”

You let out a groan as John swiftly picked you up and started carrying you towards shore. Your severely tested heart felt as though it might give out entirely. Never had you been reckless enough to let him touch you like this before, to let him hold you, as if you were a lover who would readily indulge in such intimacy. If it weren’t for the fact that you were very likely about to freeze to death, your cheeks would have been on fire. Every inch of your skin would have been scorching.

As it were, you were too cold and too exhausted for your body to produce that kind of heat. Surrendering to the fatigue in your bones, you allowed your head to rest against him and closed your eyes. He could carry you to shore or to Hell on his hands. You weren’t going to argue. For the first time in all your human life, you completely let your guard down.

[arshipweek]

AR Ship Week - Fanwork Recs

Banner credit

This is the fourth and last weekly post in the lead up to Alex Rider Ship Week. Only 1 week to go!

This week we’ve got a selection of shippy fanwork recs submitted by members of the AR fandom. Enjoy and hope to see you next week!

**Please note that I haven’t listed all the details for the fics so take care to read the tags on AO3 before diving in!

Yassen/Alex

Our Endless Numbered Days by Galimau Just your run of the mill heartwarming look at the quiet beats of Alex and Yassen's relationship...after the apocalypse.  Soft and sweet this fic focuses on the very still and quiet moments of two men at the end times trying to hold onto the things that bring them joy. It's an intimate view of what Alex and Yassen's life could be like of all their cares were quite literally wiped away - excellent  world building and writing make this a must read.

Yalex art by Ireliss Alex and Yassen in a lake! Everything about this picture is perfect - the light, the colours, the feeling of stillness... Probably the most beautiful picture of Alex and Yassen I've ever seen.

Sun Poisoning by fElBiTeR Angsty, beautiful, slowburn soulmate fic with a twist on the usual tropes and gorgeous imagery

Twisting, Turning, Tumbling by ShiruyTheSecond A glacially slow burn, road trip au, and sick fic all mashed into one fic, in non-chronological order based on 100 themes. I'd say this was one of the gateway fics into Yalex for me; there's nothing like reading a longfic you thought was gen and wishing it were slash, only for the realization to hit you in the face like a brick 50 something chapters later. Alex is on the run for a variety of reasons after a mission for MI6 goes spectacularly wrong, so he surprisingly finds himself leaning on Yassen for help, experincing whumpage along the way. Absolutely delicious.

Specific Performance by BurntWhisper Alex is a good spy, good enough that SCORPIA has tasked Yassen with killing him. Yassen can't do that but he can give Alex a very...enthusiastic going away present even Alex hasn't been a very good boy. It's a fun look at Alex and Yassen's first fling with callbacks to the original gen fic. That hits every perfect note and hits a few other things too.

Interlude by Suzie_Shooter Incredibly soft and fluffly Yalex that ends with an unexpected top!Alex and bath sex. Will absolutely warm your heart the way it does mine every time I read this fic.

Medicine by Suzie_Shooter The other fic in response to the prompt of "Alex is given a serum that makes him feel good when he tells the truth" except this one is praise kink while the other is humiliation kink! Specifically focused on a smoking hot blowjob and Alex's reluctance turned enthusiam, plus, there's a second chapter, just in case one dose of the antidote isn't enough.

One Year by BurntWhisper The slowest of slow burns featuring Alex and Yassen on the run from MI6, SCORPIA and their own feelings. Covering 3 months of their life on the run this fic features action as well as the slow, quiet moments where the budding relationship can truly shine through and behind it all the intelligence world continues to grind on threatening to take their happiness with it. It's a beautiful fic with strong, detailed writing and the emotional weight that it deserves.

Midnight Smoke by Hijja If you're in the mood for darker fics with plenty of Yassen hurting Alex complete with violence and heavy dubcon, Hijja has you covered. This particular fic features a mission-type premise with Alex being sent to investigate a spate of teen abductions only to be captured. Yassen is there, and he has his own goals...

Hello Alex by anonymous Fanart: a reunion hug between Yassen and Alex.

Face The Truth by capeofstorm Alex is given a serum that makes him feel good when he tells the truth. Yassen is absolutely a man to take advantage. Recced by Suzie_Shooter

Lights Out by Suzie_Shooter Yassen and Alex left tradecraft behind for a new life in the Greek islands. Ten years on, their relationship is still going strong and they've become island locals, the proprietors of a sailing club and a windsurfing business. Their idyllic life is disrupted by a new threat that wants them dead. I just love the premise of Yalex riding off into the sunset and not looking back. This fic not only has suspense, action, hot sex, and the intimacy borne of ten years...but once you're done, there are two excellent sequels and a prequel to lap up!

Villa in the Sun by BoldAsBrass A multi-chapter story within a story as Yassen and Alex keep in touch over the phone through a tale of a Russian bodyguard's encounters with a young English man. This is so cleverly done and beautifully written; I could re-read it and re-read it (in fact, that's exactly what I've done).

Sting in the Tail by Suzie_Shooter With the world hanging in the balance, MI6 presses an imprisoned Yassen into service. They use Alex to convince him, but also a nasty "sting in the tail" incentive to guarantee results. A thrilling Yalex mission!fic where Yassen and Alex forge their trust in each other by facing mortal danger and saving the world together. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, eating up the slow burn and wondering how on earth they were going to succeed with all the obstacles Scorpia and MI6 threw in their way.

Rarely Pure And Never Simple by fElBiTeR Non-con > dub-con > fuck-yes-con speedrun. Recced by Suzie_Shooter

Just Say I Do by Nanimok I'm possibly biased because this was written for me, but 'woke up married' is a great trope and this is both snarky and adorable. Recced by Suzie_Shooter

Open Invitation by Suzie_Shooter After Ian's death in TV 'verse, fifteen-year-old Alex is living alone in a depressive, self-destructive spiral. He realizes someone is watching him at home...and decides to give them something more compelling to watch. I am squicked out by creepers, but the characterizations tackle the thorny elements head-on: Yassen's mixed feelings and understated pursuit tactics are 100% believable, as is Alex's volatility; he's alternately confused, provocative, and defiant. Exhibit A:“Does that make you a victim, or a slut?” The question came casually, but it had the unexpected sting of a slap. Alex blinked. “What, I can’t be both?” he countered after a second. Plot ensues, because how can a relationship possibly form from such a premise? Mind the tags (you might trip into your next kink because the sex is mind-blowingly hot).

Flirting with Danger by BoldAsBrass Basically THE gateway fic into Yalex for me - short and sweet, snappy narration and dialogue, a sleekly dangerous Yassen and Alex who might be a skilled, pragmatic adult but quickly realises he's in over his head. Sprinkle in a bit of dubcon and scorching hot writing and you get this perfect fic.

Burning a Dead Man's Fingertips by GreenQueenofClubs Multichapter slow burn, MI6!Yassen AU - an excellent premise done extremely well and feels fresh and new, balancing mission-style fic with character development! The dynamic between Yassen and Alex is somewhat different here compared to most Yalex fics as they don't meet until Alex is an adult; a really intriguing glimpse into what could have been...

A Little Pat Down by Nanimok Airport security can be frustrating at the best of times but couple it with being edged like none other by an assassin turned security guard and it can really be a pain in the ass. A filthy but extremely well written premise. Crack taken seriously is this author's strong suit so not a single one of their works will steer you wrong.

Yalex Ballet AU by anonymous Yalex ballet AU with absolutely gorgeous imagery and slow burn. Fluid prose and in the background, the shadows of past histories and things unsaid.

Gentleman's Agreement by Valaks Yassen and Alex have a "gentleman's agreement" for handling their business in the field. No one ever said anything about parent-teacher conferences. Claims to be gen, but deserves a place on this list for subtle genius alone, because with lines like "Like a fine wine, Alex Rider was improving with age" and "How interesting that Alex Rider would be that interested in his hands", what are we supposed to think....? UST in all caps is the best description.

Salty the Sweat on my Fingertips by Galimau A fun little romp of Alex visiting Tom and having to call his overly protective boyfriend? because he's pregnant and everything hurts. Beautifully written, this fic explores the ending of Oceanbreeze7's Moonfish and follows the extremely creative monster biology to its logical conclusion of Alex getting knocked up.

Slipping Through My Fingers by Nanimok This kink meme fill hits in all the right places as we watch through the eyes of a very jealous Julius as Yassen gives Alex all the attention he needs. The writing is, as always, on point and the characterization of Julius gets absolutely nailed (almost as much as Alex). Julius/Alex, Yassen/Alex

Other

Miss Julia by DantesThird Very creepy and traumatic noncon but really believable with Julia Rothman's obsession with John Rider. Alex/Julia Rothman

gone loose inside the shell by cyanides Fantastic messed-up fic where Julius keeps fantasising about killing Alex, but then the fantasies take a different turn. The possessive 'If I can't have you no-one can' dynamic really encapsulates the ship for me, and the fic stuck in my mind afterwards. Alex/Julius

smoke haze by Ireliss Dubcon, gun kink. A really intriguing and quite dark exploration of a young Yassen's situation with Scorpia and his very complex relationship with Hunter. John/Yassen

Our Settling Bones by Galimau A multi-chapter slow burn focused on a former assassin who has lost everything...and Yassen Gregorovich. The tension is off the charts and the characerization is on point. Everything you could want from the rarest of pairs. John Wick/Yassen

Lemniscate by Ireliss A look at what awaits Yassen when he arrives back at Scorpia after killing Vladimir Sharkovsky. This is deliciously dark as well as being entirely plausible. The sensory descriptions are fantastic. Yassen/Julia Rothman

[bastardsunlight]

My buddy over at @sxvethelastdance​ is doing some deep dive shit on the subject of Liu Kang’s faith in all his iterations—95, games, 2021—so I decided “hey why don’t I do that too?” because I also desire to be one of The Cool Kids™. This is in no way meant to be taken as gospel truth or whatever. It’s mostly for me own records, headcanons-wise, and just kind of a character-building exercise since Lao has become one of my more active/sought-after muses of late. I’ll hide it under a cut because it’s liable to get long

Like my S C H L O N G [cue pornbot invasion]

PS THIS IS GOING TO BE ABOUT MORE THAN JUST HIS FAITH BECAUSE A LOT OF THAT WILL COME FROM UPBRINGING/FAMILY AND WILL ALSO FOCUS ON HIS PERSONALITY AND THE INS/OUTS OF IT

For our purposes (and like, in reality because I DO respect authorial intent to some extent), Shaolin Monks isn’t canon, like at all. Someone had a fever dream and Liu Kang/Kung Lao were bimbos for a few hours. Okay they’re still kind of like that, god bless ‘em, but you get the idea. AIGHT now that’s out the way, let’s get this cue ball rolling.

Okay for starters, games Lao because well he’s only ever appeared in the games (and we don’t usually talk about Legacy Because OOF middle-aged Liu Kang with a hot topic sweater and anger issues—Liu Kangst. You’re welcome [plays a high G on the nearest piano]).

Kung Lao comes from a long, distinguished family who has always contributed to the order of light—they’re founding members, all that stuff. They did not build the academy itself, but the Order started with the Great Kung Lao. OUR Kung Lao is the fulfillment of a prophecy, some vague old thing that told of an ancestor who would carry the “spirit of the Great Kung Lao”. They figure reincarnation, which is a reasonable assumption. If that’s true or not, only Fire God Liu Kang and Lord Raiden know, because they’re the only ones to have met him in person. Whatever the case, Kung Lao is born with the ability to call spirits and channel their energy, their “pressure” to do a variety of things, including teleport, an ability that thankfully did not come until later—can you imagine a teleporting toddler? Good god.

The entire Kung line is blessed with some spiritual power, here and there. Kung Lao is off the charts. His mother, a short time before his birth, has a dream where the GKL came to her and said “this is the one”. He is reaching out to his ancestor from the Realm of the Honored Dead, knowing full well that the once-a-generation tournament is not far off and feeling the pull to Lao like some kind of magnet or doorway. Kung Lao is the strongest spirit-channeler the Kung family has ever seen. His parents therefore name him Lao and with the name comes a great and terrible burden.

He is, naturally, chosen as the generational tithe to the Wu-Shi academy and, naturally, the Order of Light. This is a case of being raised in the faith, knowing little else, but being sharp enough to question some things. Obviously, as a kid, he doesn’t question—he just learns and obeys, trains under various masters, etc. Sometime during his younger years, an orphan shows up at the temple and, being a charitable organization, the elders of the temple take him in and name the boy Liu Kang. Liu and Lao become fast friends and the elders are, of course, pleased as  punch to see the Kung’s legacy being a good influence on someone like Liu Kang who, unbeknownst to anyone but them (and Raiden), is the blood of Onaga and in possession of a terrible power himself. It does not occur to them that Lao will not be chosen by the god of thunder to be Earthrealm’s champion. Everyone at the academy trains for this purpose, but in THIS generation, no one even questions that it will be Lao.

Kung Lao is extremely gifted, rarely has to study, hardly tries on all exams and new techniques and masters the strange and deadly weapon that is his signature with relatively few injuries. Combining that with his abilities to move spiritual force and teleport and he is a shoe-in. His faith in the Elder Gods is more of a background hum, at this point and, though he has met Lord Raiden, his faith there, too, is hardly a thought. It’s just part of his life. As anyone who grows up in a faith could tell you, the routines become like breathing.

Liu Kang and Kung Lao grow side-by-side as best friends, confidants, troublemakers (though Lao is absolutely the one cutting class), and, as they grow older and into themselves, lovers.

The first time Kung Lao’s faith comes to the forefront and really shakes is when Lord Raiden choses Liu Kang to be his champion for Mortal Kombat. There is the initial shock, of course, and then there is fear. Mortal Kombat has killed very Earthrealm champion, without exception, since the Great Kung Lao’s second attempt. The legends of Prince Goro are written in the forbidden texts of the academy’s library and naturally, the shaolin rowdy boys have broken in and read them all. Kung Lao meditates for hours, wondering what he did wrong. He is never, at any point, resentful toward Liu Kang himself, who has always been an unfailingly loyal friend, a humble monk, an excellent student, and has, with hard work and perseverance, excelled in HIS classes as well.

The more he considers it, the more his faith in the Elder Gods is shaken—if it was ever terribly solid in the first place. More than that, he begins to mistrust Raiden. Kung Lao determines that, due to the hopelessness of the situation, the likelihood of Liu Kang’s return is almost zero. He has all the faith in the world in how strong Liu Kang is, of course, but those odds are not good. He begins to deeply resent the idea that Liu was chosen as a lamb for slaughter based on factors other than likelihood to win. This is also when the insecurity starts to REALLY set in.

Kung Lao doesn’t realize that Liu Kang views him as equal or superior, seeing how he has never had to study or work at ANYTHING to just nail whatever it is, every time. Kung Lao is one of those young adults who was a child prodigy and is experiencing some SERIOUS burnout in his early twenties. It isn’t that Kung Lao doesn’t know he’s good—he’s very aware of his skill. It comes out as brazen arrogance. No one but Liu Kang can seem to knock him down ANY pegs. His faith, he realizes, has always been in himself and in Liu, in what they’ve built and shared. There is a depth of intimacy in that friendship that goes beyond even the physical—though there IS that.

He’s kind of in the mode of “what have the Elder Gods ever done for me?” (spoiler alert: nothing) and he questions Raiden’s motivations as he slowly adds shit up. Liu Kang is an orphan, of no family, with great power. He doesn’t know if there’s something else to it, but he sees the reactions of the elders of the temple when Raiden chooses Liu and it isn’t “weird that you didn’t choose the kid we groomed from birth to do this” but an almost insane level of like, understanding, as if this was a possible outcome. There is something else up, but he has no way of knowing it. He hates the way Liu just accepts it and while they are still capable of making jokes about the whole situation, he can sense the turmoil within Liu, as well, who is ALSO wondering why Lao wasn’t chosen.

Kung Lao is now the black sheep, the family failure, the one who was beaten out by an orphan. This really begins his “second banana” status and everyone seems to know it. They equate his brash pride to insecurity, which in a way it is, because part of him will always wonder what he did wrong, but they did not know him before. It goes from being part of his personality to being a shield. If he is arrogant and aloof, untouchable, no one will see the doubt and trepidation within. And STILL the Elder Gods do NOTHING. When he sneaks into the tournament, he’s taking matters into his own hands, where he is convinced they have always been.

See, he had been okay with dying for Earthrealm, though he was certain with this power, he wouldn’t—that he could save the place like the ancestor for which he was named. He is not ready to lose Liu Kang.

Aight so caveat here, most of this above was built with a VERY specific Liu Kang in mind and below is 100% riding on that same writer (heh riding). None of this has to, in any way, reflect on anyone else’s Liu Kang—not that I’ve seen a ton of those.

MK2021 for all its faults, had amazing characterization for the heroes, even if some of the cuts, scenes, and lines were a bit ……. Clunky. Kung Lao is clearly a powerful fighter, confident to the point of arrogance, but with the skill to back it up. Even when Cole puts him in the dirt, he hops back up and summons his hat, like “okay cool, now let’s get real” because Kombat is not like a cage fight. This is a man who knows few limitations, is highly skilled, and has clearly been raised in the faith, much like his counterpart from the games. His Arcana is passed through his bloodline, much like that of the Hasashi clan and a few others who have passed out of living memory, likely done in by previous Outworld assassination coups.

The biggest difference between games and 2021 Lao is that the latter is a man who demands proof at every turn, by force if necessary, AND HE IS AWARE OF THIS. His faith rests not in the Elder Gods—not caring much for them or their lack of involvement—but in Raiden himself and only then because he has challenged the god of thunder and was put down pretty soundly. Kung Lao respects ability. He has it, so he therefore expects everyone around him to hold themselves to that same standard.

He is two or three years older than Kang, the young orphan Master Bo’ Rai Cho brought to the temple when they are still children, probably six and nine, give or take. They have no classes together, initially, but Kung Lao ss instructed to keep an eye on him, to help him adjust. The two become fast friends and Liu Kang admires the bejeezus out of his shi xiong, both because of that age difference and the obvious experience gap, and because Kung Lao will ALWAYS go to bat for him.

Kung Lao is well aware of the stakes of this tournament, knows that it is, for the most part, riding on him. This becomes doubly true when Sub-Zero is sent to Earthrealm to start taking out the other champions, one by one, to halt a prophecy. Someone carrying Hasashi blood will upset the balance of the tournament.

He is a dutiful monk, a competent teacher, a powerful fighter, and, alongside Liu Kang, the best hope humanity has for victory. Kung Lao’s resentment, in this universe, is directed primarily toward the elders who sent Kang out into the world after his graduation from the academy as a student (as must all students, some with specific orders, and some with more vague directions) to find his true path. The elders have essentially forced Kang to relive the darkest time in his life and thence, to feel the rage and resentment that has for so long boiled beneath his skin, channeling it into a killing urge. Kung Lao protects Liu Kang from this as best he can and, more than that, he protects the world from Liu Kang.

[ryuichirou]

Do you (and your gf, tell her anon said hi) have any top Eren headcanons? Or is Levi the main focus for you two?

opinion on how Eren would be in sex?

-------------------------

(I hope it’s ok if I reply to both of you here… sorry for the wait)

Levi isn’t the main focus, I just can’t shut up about him because he is my personal fave hahaha, but we love headcanoning stuff about all the characters, but especially the our main ships (eruriererizevi), so feel free to ask if you’re interested in anyone else! These are extremely fun to write.

What’s interesting about Eren is how he changes over the time… well, I don’t think he’s changed much to be honest, but we think he became more bold and mature. I’d say that he also became more open about what he likes, but I tbh I feel like Eren never really knew how to hide what he wants, it’s always written all over his face.

You can also check out my reply to the ask I received 3 month ago about why I like top!Eren so much, I talk about a lot of same stuff here too. And there are some manga caps, so it’s fun 👀

Ok, so here are some of our headcanons about Eren:

Eren is extremely physical. He loves to touch, to grab, to rub his face and to press his head against his lover’s shoulders, back, chest, etc. He became more touchy as he got older, now he grabs and hugs Levi whenever he feels like it. He just knows Levi would let him do that.

Eren doesn’t necessarily hate to be touched, but let’s just say that Levi is the only lover of his who is allowed to touch him wherever he wants. He’ll never say “don’t touch me here” to Levi, he adores him and he’s always hungry for him. He can smack Jean’s hand though, poor Jean.

Eren is very animalistic, very dog/wolf-like. Sometimes he’s straight-up feral. He growls a lot, he grabs very aggressively, he literally mounts his lover like a dog sometimes lol He also dry humps his lover through the clothes from time to time.

Oh and the most obvious thing: he bites A LOT. He’s EXTREMELY bite-y. His teeth are so strong it’s scary. Remember when he bit through his own meat 1023410 times in the manga? He does the same thing to Levi’s shoulders almost every time. He feels guilty afterwards, but as I mentioned in a previous post, Levi doesn’t mind, so this keeps happening.

Is it surprising to anyone that doggy is his preferred position?

Cowboy position with Eren is a little tricky. It’s impossible when he’s to horny, because he’ll end up still moving his hips, thrusting into his lover from below, and then he’ll just change position and take all the initiative anyways. Although sometimes he can just lay and watch his lover with a very bored and almost apathetic face. It’s either this or that, no in-between with him.

Same with blowjobs. He’d either watch his partner suck the d all bored and stuff, or just thrust into his face like if it’d kill him to stay still for a moment. He always goes straight to the throat in this case.

I should probably mention that he never looks bored with Levi (unless it’s needed for a very specific reason for a very particular AU…). Like I said, he adores him too much and respects him too much.

Eren doesn’t hate Jean or whoever else there is in an alternative ship with him. He still enjoys the process, he’s just a little mean lol idk how to explain this one, he’s a little bit condescending towards them, I think it’s based on the fact that Eren’s always bored and treats everyone like crap (it’s shown much better in Isayama’s High School AU) lol

Speaking of Jean, we have a headcanon that in the canonverse these two had some sexual experiments going on back when they were cadets fighting each other every day. This is one of the reasons Jean missed their bickering, Eren got a little distant overtime, and Jean kind of sort of misses that d and that rude attitude that comes with it.

Eren always ejaculates inside. He likes this feeling too much.

He’s very neglectful towards his own body, he doesn’t really think very well when he fucks, and a lot of times he ends up being absolutely exhausted.

He used to be very loud when he was younger. He was moaning, whimpering, mumbling, all this stuff. But now that he’s 19, there’s only heavy breathing and low growls. He doesn’t like to remember how he used to be, it makes him a little embarrassed.

He also used to cry after an orgasm almost every time. He was so overwhelmed and euphoric that by the end of the process he became a wet red crying mess that hides his face in Levi’s neck and bites him for distraction. Plus all the love he’s feeling for Levi becomes too much for him. He was shy about crying even back then but he couldn’t control it very well (Levi pretended he didn’t notice this stuff in order not to make Eren feel uncomfortable). This is the part Eren really doesn’t like to remember as well, this makes him even more embarrassed. Now that he’s 19 he very rarely feels that he’s getting teary eyes, but it still can happen.

I don’t want you to think that Eren in the past was a crying baby, he was still very thoughtful of whatever was going on, he thought about his admiration to Levi and how he should control himself and stuff, and he was still very initiative and... pervy, although the latter was happening by accident. It was just hard for him to think while having sex with Levi (who can blame him) and all his emotions were a mess, but still, the only thing that’s changed – Eren’s calmed down a bit.

Eren gets horny very easily. There were a lot of sudden boners when he was younger, a lot of them happened at very bad moments for him lol his teenage body was out of control. This doesn’t happen so often anymore, but Eren still can get a boner when you least expect him to. For example, sometimes he gets horny while watching a horror movie, even though he’s extremely bored…

If we’re talking canonverse, he definitely got a boner while he was in his titan a bunch of times. When he was crushing titans for the first time ever, when he was fighting Annie both in the forest and in Stohess, when he was fighting Reiner. He was emotionally distressed, but he felt some level of arousal in all of these situations, esp the first one.

When he was at his depressed emo stage, he was more gentle and less intense with Levi. Maybe it’s fair to say that he was asking for comfort with no words, because he couldn’t say anything about what was going through his head at that time, but he needed to run away from these thoughts just for a moment. He was also less bitey back then, but much more clingy.

Out of all the characters, his libido is the highest.  He’s the most interested in sex and probably has it most often compared to others. Especially in the AUs, where he has nothing interesting to do a lot of times and gets bored all the time.

A lot of Eren’s boldness came from him seeing how Erwin and Levi interact with each other. He was a little bit scared of Levi at first, well, rather he was scared that he might disappoint him if he got too clingy. But seeing how patient Levi was to whatever Erwin did to him made Eren think, “Can I really do that to him too?” And then he did. And never got scolded. And everything was great.

He’s the only lover of Levi that helps him with the cleaning afterwards. At least a little bit. He’s a responsible young man.

When he wants to be left alone with his lover to do the thing, it’s super obvious. It’s obvious that he hates everyone who doesn’t leave them alone at the moment, he looks like he’s about to bite your face off if you don’t leave. When he’s pissed off and horny enough, he can just ignore the presence of a person and start touching Levi, waiting for a person to feel uncomfortable and leave. This usually happens to Zeke.

Oof, this is… a lot lol. I feel like we can talk about Eren for even longer than about Levi, and this is saying a lot. His energy is bizarre… And this is such a small portion of everything we’ve discussed about Eren.

Hope you find any of it interesting! Haha

Thanks for your question

[alonelytinywriter]

Dark Shadows

Yandere! Ex-Villain! Present Mic / Yandere! Ex-Villain! Eraserhead / Original Female Character

Warnings: Lemon-ish (mentioned), Self-Harm mentions (nothing described, just heavily implied), strong language, kidnapping, mentions of pretty typical yandere stuff. Ye Have Been Warned. 

Playlist ~ Chillhop Radio

Name: Oshima Mia ~ Birthday: January 3rd ~ Age: 24 ~ Hair Color: Black ~ Eye Color: Rose Gold ~ Gender: Female ~ Height: 5′2′’ ~ Quirk: Feline ~ Occupation: Bartender

Appearance: Mia is a small, fair-skinned girl. She has rose-gold eyes with full, dark lashes, and a dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Her canine teeth are more pronounced and that, along with the full pointed ears and long, thick tail the grows from the base of her spine, are not the only aspects of her Quirk that manifest physically, although they are the most noticeable. Her hair, like her ears and tail, is black and typically styled into twin messy buns, braids, ponytails, or the like. She rarely wears her hair down, as she doesn’t like to fool with it. ~ Mia’s causal outfits normally consist of shorts or jeans, simple t-shirts, and comfortable flat shoes, although while working as a bartender, she amassed a collection of short skirts, shirts with too-low necklines, and dresses that where barely there. Whatever helps bring in those sweet, sweet tips at the end of the night. 

Quirk: Feline ~ Mia’s Quirk causes her body to possess many characteristics akin to a feline, such as retractable claws, paws on the surface of her hands, and her spine growing differently, resulting in her developing a flexible vertebrae with elastic cushioning on the disks and a much longer rotation along the spine, much like a cat itself. Despite all this, her Quirk never really leaned toward the Hero side of the spectrum, and she therefore decided to explore other career options, leading her to take a job as a bartender. ~ Power - 1/5 ~ Speed - 2/5 ~ Technique - 3/5 ~ Intelligence - 3/5 ~ Cooperativeness - 4/5 

~ Dark Shadows ~ 

~ The entryway to the club was like trying to walk through a wall of sound, and the inside was filled with dry-ice smoke, colored lights, and slender limbs that appeared and disappeared inside the churning smog as the patrons danced. Hizashi and Shouta had only just stepped past the bouncer when Hizashi’s eyes were drawn to the bar and he stared. She was beautiful - hair nearly the precise color of black India ink and piled atop her head in a pair of messy twin buns, liner smudged around her eyes thickly, lips painted red as blood from an open wound, and skin so pale it nearly glowed. She wore a knee length black dress that clung to her curves in the most delicious ways, a scrap of silk and lace that accented her cleavage (although there wasn’t much to show) and showed her legs (which seemed to go on for miles, despite her height), while covering her arms. And a body harness that encircled her waist, chest and neck added a wildly dark aspect to her outfit that fit the club perfectly. 

~ It wouldn’t be any of this, however, that would draw Shouta’s attention. It would be the two pointed cat ears that flicked impatiently atop her head, the tail that curled and uncurled in time with the music, her slitted pupils which widened slightly as she glanced over the crowd. Someone sauntered to the bar, leaned forward, and said something so funny that the bartender threw her head back and laughed - a sound like resonated through the club like a beacon, light and clear and 100% female - and her canine teeth glinted sharply in the dim light. She was a heteromorphic feline, and it was noticeable. 

~ Twelve minutes. It took Shouta exactly twelve minutes to case out the bar, for Hizashi to approach and make first contact, for Shouta to order the first drink. In that twelve minutes the two ex villains realize two things - One: The girl was clearly anxious around them both. Two: She didn’t recognize either of the ex-villains . . . or she didn’t care. There was fear in her eyes, that much was true, but it wasn’t directed towards them. It seemed more broad than that - the sounds, the lights, the bodies pressed against one another. Whenever a patron would lean in to closely the girl would pull back, ears flattening against her head as she frowned minutely. If the second bartender behind the counter brushed against her reaching for a bottle of liqueur, the girl violently flinched. 

~ Her voice was smooth as she spoke to them when they took their seats, and both ex-Villains noted how her cheeks dusted brightly with a rosy tint as she took their order, how the blush deepened when they complemented her as she poured the two shots into the rainbow hued glasses before them. It was adorable. The way she pouted when she couldn’t reach a bottle she needed. How her cheeks puffed out when a extremely large, extremely drunk male ordered the same drink, for the fifteenth time in a row, her breath whistling between her lips, alerting the bouncers standing near the door that the man had clearly reached his limits. How she hissed at the man who was brazen enough to reach out and stroke his hand along one of her ears. She slapped the man, and Shouta was the one to notice the pink and black dappled pads along her hand that oh-so-closely resembled a cats’ paws. They talked of nothing but the girl when she attended to the other patrons, and when she stood before them, all doe eyes and blushing cheeks, the two had a hard time hiding their attractions. 

~ They want nothing more than to kidnap her then, as she walks home from her shift at the bar as the sun rises, but as Hizashi stares at her small form he worries that she may not like either of them very much if they do so and after several quite moments of deliberations, Shouta agrees. Instead they follow their darling from the bar to a bus stop, and from the bus stop to her home, which is nothing more than a small apartment settled above a flower shop that smelled, of all things, peaches and wine. They couldn’t see into the apartment, due to its location on a main road, and being on the second floor, but they knew where she lived, and they both attended to their own plans to investigate the apartment later. To make sure it was good enough for their Darling, of course. 

~ The two spend weeks at the bar after that first night, talking with the bartender, Mia as they found out, laughing through their drinks as she poured them and speaking softly of Mia when she attended to other customers. But one night, nearing the third week, they enter and realize that Mia is not behind the bar. It shouldn’t have been so surprising - she had worked every day up until then - so that she finally had a day off should not have shocked the two as it did, but when they realized that Mia was not where they expected, they glanced between themselves and the bar as if she would appear from their will alone. 

~ “’Zashie! Sho - O - ota!” 

~ Mia’s hair was down for the first time since the two had first meet her, pooling on the plastic vinyl of the booth as Mia waved wildly, a drink resting on the table before her, as well as enough empty glasses to knock out an American frat party. She was visibly swaying in the seat, her eyes glinting between the two men as they approached, surprise written across their faces. It doesn’t take long for the two to get Mia talking, and once she does she’s brazenly open for the first time, her answers coming freely as they ask about her childhood - which had been normal to the point of boring - to her Quirk - which she playfully describes as “Beautifully useless.” - to the bright ring that seemed to run through the tip of her tail - “My parents hated it, but when I was a kit, one of my older brothers accidentally shut my tail in a door, breaking two of the bones. They had to remove then to prevent infections and it made that part of my tail . . . floppy, I guess is the word for it. It didn’t sit right. So I wanted something to make it sit. And the piercing didn’t hurt at all cause it’s all numb through there anyways cause of the bones bean gone an all, and look ~!” Mia waves her tail in front of their faces, its long length unfurling and twitching, causing a ringing bell to sound. there, attached to the ring, was a small golden bell. 

~ It was almost a good enough act to hide the shadows beneath her eyes, the way her ears laid back at the smallest of movements, the way her hands rubbed over her forearms again and again. They laughed, and pretended to drink with Mia as she continued to chat, seeming for all the world as if they were simply drinking with a friend but there was something . . . darker. Something darker that seemed to blanket the group as the questions became more personal and the responses became more clipped. Shouta’s question of her family had been met with stony silence, and for a moment the group feel silent as the club continued to blare around them. Finally, Hizashi broke the silence. 

~ “What made you deride to drink so much tonight, Little Listener?” 

~ Mia almost looked like she wouldn’t respond for a moment, eyebrows furrowed and lips pouted, but then she spoke, and her voice was barely audible over the din of the club. “Ahh, you know, life isn’t the best. Ever. So sometimes I drink so I don’t reme-mem-ber just how . . . not the best it is.” 

~ She refused to go into more detail than that, even when Hizashi tried to get her explain again and again. In the end the two escorted Mia to her home as the sun rose above the rooftops, despite her never telling either men where she lived. She was slurring heavily, eyes nearly closed as they shouldered her door open and led her to her bed. Her breath was already calm and even by the time her head hit the pillow, and Hizashi wondered if she hadn’t been sleep walking after all. 

~ Hizashi makes sure to leave a glass of water on her nightstand, along with several Advil, his hands fluttering over her form as he debated whether she would be more comfortable out of the hoodie and jeans she wore, but before he could come to a resolution Shouta moved forward and drew the sleeve of her hoodie up her arm, revealing a patchwork of bruises and fine line cuts that seemed to span the length of her forearm and biceps. 

~ It’s nearly lucky that Mia had already passed out from the drink at that moment, because Shouta is not quiet as he striped her of her clothes, revealing more bruises along her legs, although there didn’t seem to be any more of the cuts.

~ Shouta seethes silently, but Hizashi’s voice, when he speaks, holds enough emotion for them both: “We will save her.”

~ They begin to actively coming around more and more after that, running into her outside the bar, the park, the grocer, the butcher. It happens so often that Mia stops wondering if she’s going to see them again and merely wonders when. They became a group, one that went to events together and on the nights when Mia and the boys would go out together, the nights when the sun was rising on the horizon as they attempted to stagger home, it becomes common place for the boys to crash on the couch together. One or the other would make a light breakfast if they woke before Mia, and if she woke before them they would wake to donuts and coffee from a shop down the street. She had admitted a few weeks into the arrangement that she didn’t really know how to cook, and she didn’t have time to learn, so why both when she could just get everything she needed already cooked for her?

~ Summer fades into fall and by the time winter comes the two ex-Villains have more than learned that despite her happy and lighthearted front, Mia was suffering from both depression and anxiety. They knew when it bothered her more becomes her clothes, which would normally display more than enough skin in their opinion, would become revealing no matter the weather. It was due to the bruises, the cuts, they were sure, and as they had found no evidence of a boyfriend, or girlfriend, or even an abusive family member, the two had been forced to confront the notion that Mia was doing that to herself - that she was harming herself. 

~ They decide to confront Mia about it, but the night they plan on bringing it up Mia never shows to the coffee shop. At first the two assume that she had to work, something that had made her late or a no show to their meetings before, but after visiting the bar and learning that she hadn’t even been scheduled for that day Shouta and Hizashi decide to visit her apartment. And it’s a wreak. Door broken from its hinges, furniture tipped and thrown across the room, and there, in the bedroom along the door - blood. A single, bloody hand print smeared against the creamy paint. Pinned beneath a knife is a note with a brief message: If you want the girl back, you know where to find me.

~ And they do. It takes nearly three and a half days to find the cocky little fucker who took their darling from them and the moment they step through the doorway of the Yukaza hideaway, blood begins to fall. The last body - the little punk who lead the operation - hits the floor long before they actually find Mia. And when they do Hizashi openly begins to weep while Shouta stares in horror.

~ Mia was drugged, clearly so, and hurt badly. She was hung from the rafters of the hideaway by her wrists, her toes barely touching the ground. Her clothes had been cut from her, non to gently judging by the smooth red line that ran from the hallow of her neck to her belly button. Both lips were swollen and bleeding, her cheek was clearly broken, and bruises covered nearly every inch of her body. But, Shouta sighed in relief as he carefully cut her down and began wrapping her in his over sized coat, she seemed to have been used as a human bunching bag rather than a sexual toy, and for that he was grateful. 

.~ Mia wakes up in the hospital, and afterwards Shouta and Hizashi offer to allow Mia to stay with them. “You’re place isn’t safe anymore.” Shouta points out, using her fear against her. “The men who kidnapped you must have had a reason. What if they come back for you?” In the end, Mia agrees, and through the next few months the two help Mia as she begins her painful recover and by the time winter becomes spring Mia is fully healed. Physically at the very least. She suffered from nightmares nearly every time she laid her head down to go to to sleep, and during the day the smallest of noises, which bothered her before, would send her spiraling into a panic attack. She, on more than one occasion, took swings at both Shouta and Hizashi in her sleep, but neither men resented her for it. It broke their hearts to see their darling this way, and one or the other commonly sleeps with her at night despite her protests that she can sleep alone.

~ A free weekend comes up, something that rarely happens as both men are much too often busy with their jobs - although Mia never does learn where the two work - and the group decide to spend that Friday night binge watching Studio Ghibli movies and drinking their way through a tall bottle of sake. Their nearly to the end of Pom Poko when Hizashi makes the first move. They had planned this for weeks now, and the both were sure of how this would end, whether Mia truly wanted this or not. They had been kind and caring. They had waited. And now, with Mia laying on the couch between the two of them, cheeks rosy from drink, they knew it was time for them to have their reward. 

~ Mia nearly bolts from the couch when Hizashi suddenly leans into her and she fills his lips on her neck. But Shouta’s hands where on her shoulders, holding her down and rubbing soothing circles all in the same motion. “Guys, what are you -” but she doesn’t get to finish her sentence before Shouta’s lips are on hers and Hizashi whispered hushed words into her neck. Their hands were every where at once, pressing against her skin, slipping beneath her clothes. Mia couldn’t breath past the lips on hers, the smell of wine on their breath mingling with hers made her dizzy causing her mind to spin. 

~ It isn’t until their laying together in the bed, skin sweaty and slightly out of breath that the words where spoken under Hizashi’s breath: “I love you.” And when the words are whispered back to them both, softly and of so sweet, the two ex-villains can barely believe it. it seems so sweet to hear after so long, and the face that she falls asleep only moments later, head pillowed on Shouta’s chest and cradled against Hizashi’s front, they feel as if they are on top of the world. Finally, Mia had accepted them. Finally, after nearly a year of conditioning their Darling, all their hard work had finally paid off.

~ They’re both gone when Mia awakes however, and she thinks little of it. They’re both often gone when she awakes nowadays, so she goes about her business, even a little grateful that the boys where gone. It gave her time to muddle over her actions the previous night. It was hard to remember how she had acted. She had been so . . . so wanton. She hadn’t even questioned the two men, and looking back she wondered if she should have. Memories still cloud her thoughts as she walks into the kitchen, towel drying her hair, a blush coating her cheeks as the look in Shouta’s eyes as he stared up at her from between her thighs replays in her minds eye. But a voice stops her train of thought just as she reaches the fridge, the voice of an anchor man from the news, speaking urgently.

~ “ - in the area are urged to use extreme caution. both Villains are known to be extreme dangerous, and despite their four year hiatus, we are still told that the Villains Eraserhead and Present Mic are not to be approached. If spotted, please, report to a profession, and they will respond. Again, all citizens in the area are urged to used extreme caution. Both villains are known - “ It isn’t the words that stop Mia. No. Its the reflection of the T.V. screen in the window. A screen showing to photos of men that Mia knew disturbingly well. 

~ Shouta and Hizashi. Shouta and Hizashi dressed in gear that Mia had seen them both leave in more than once. Shouta and Hizashi staring at the viewer with glares hard enough to shatter ice. Shouta and Hizashi were villains.

~ Before Mia can process what she’s doing, she finds herself at a window, fingers tugging desperately at the latch. They lived at the edge of the city, in a low structured two story home that wouldn’t be a problem to jump from - she had fallen farther for less as a teenager - if only she could get the stupid fucking things open. No matter how long or hard she tugged, she couldn’t seem to make a single one budge. And when she approaches the front door, already sure of what she’ll find, she can’t help the sob that escapes when she finds it locked as well. 

~ She was so stupid. How could she have fallen for them? It had never been a problem before. They had made no effort to convince her to leave the house, and why would she? They had always brought everything she had ever needed. Food, clothes, toiletries, anything she had ever mentioned or stated she needed or wanted. They had always appeared with it the next morning, and when Mia had lamented how none of Shouta’s cats seemed to like her, he had left the house without a word and appeared only hours later, a simple ginger kitten in his hands. They had cooked for her, and cleaned after her, held her after her nightmares and been so . . . so . . . so kind. No matter what, they had both treated her as if she were something fragile, something could easily be broken. Even when she had been sandwiched between the two, heavy breath on her neck and their bodies pressed tightly against hers, they had treated her as if she were nothing more than a porcelain doll. 

~ By the time Shouta and Hizashi arrive at the house that night Mia has calmed a bit, sitting with the small ginger cat in her lap and a large knife next to her. To say the two men are surprised is a understatement, but the moment their eyes locked on the T.V. they understand. “You know.” Mia doesn’t say a word. She merely stares. “Did you see the news?” A small head shake and Shouta sighs, stepping forward lightly but Mia reacts violently, her ears flattening against her skull, her tail puffing with rage or fear, they weren’t sure. She bolted from the couch, Ginger falling the floor with a disgruntled meow, knife already in her hand. “Mia. You don’t want to do this.”  

~  “Fuck you ‘Zashi.” Hizashi startles at the use of his pet name, his eyes meeting Shouta’s for a moment before Mia draws their attention back. “Why? Why could you just tell me the truth? Why did you lie to me? Why - “ Mia bites back a sob, the knife clattering from her fingertips as she stumbled backwards.

~ “Didn’t you watch the rest, baby?” Hizashi croons. “Didn’t you see the part where the two Big Bad Villains died?” And it’s true. Hizashi forces her to watch the T.V., really watch it for the first time in hours, and she saw that his words were true. The Hero All Might had defeated both Villains, whipping the floor with them both. They were pronounced dead on scene and while the news station continued to show repeated clips of the fight as a newscaster spoke, Hizashi walked forward and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Don’t you see, little listener? We killed ‘em, those Villains. All Might owed us a favor, and we finally cashed it out.” 

~ “But what you did -” 

~ “Does it really matter any more?” Shouta moved forward and melded to her front. “We can be with you. And we will. We’ll spoil you rotten and give you everything in the world. You just have to say you’ll be ours. That’s all. Just say it baby.” Mia refuses to listen, sobbing and moving to pull away, but both men refuse to let her go, cooing soft words of reassurance.

~ “It’s okay, little listener.” Hizashi soothes later, his hands stroking over her skin as they lay in bed together, Mia fully exhausted from her tears. “You don’t have to love us right now. we love you plenty to make up for it. And we’ll never stop loving you.”

[beevean]

Sonic and speed: are we misunderstanding them?

This article was originally written in Spanish by @latin-dr-robotnik​ on his blog - you can read it here!

Today on SHP, I’d like to bring attention to a topic that I keep noticing being discussed everywhere (especially now during quarantine), and that somehow worries me: are we misunderstanding Sonic and his characteristic speed?

During these last few weeks there has been a new, relatively unusual explosion of videos and comments on the Internet regarding Sonic and, relevant for today, what is the best game or the best level. The simplest reason has to be the lockdown we’re going through, and which is leaving us with more time to play or think about those games we want to play, or never will. On the other hand, the most cynical side of me believes that this boom of Sonic-related content is because Game Apologist’s video about S3&K and Sonic in general was so popular, it sparked the “interest” of other creators (the video itself is great, and I elaborated my opinions on it here). Whatever the case, there is a greater discussion about Sonic going on right now, and I feel like it’s not directed where it should be.

Before starting: there are a bunch of videos that helped me shape a good part of the opinions I’m going to explain today. You don’t need to watch all of them, and they’re not mandatory to fully understand this article, but if after reading it you’re left wanting for more, or you’d like to hear different options, I’d recommend you watch these:

1.     Sonic and Speed (Errant Signal)

2.     The First Levels of Sonic Games (Super Bunnyhop)

3.     SONIC the HEDGEHOG: How Level Design Can Break a Game (Broken Base Gaming)

4.     How Sonic Mania Makes a Level (RelaxAlax)

5.     City Escape is Peak Sonic Game Design (ZoomZike)

6.     Lost Valley Is Not Peak Sonic Game Design (ZoomZike)

What is the problem?

In a series as big and ever-changing as Sonic’s, there is a wide repertory of formulas and possible answers to the question “how to design a game?”. In some cases we’re still looking for an answer, in others we’re looking for alternatives (I talked not too long ago about the accessibility of Sonic Mania and 2D Sonic in general – Spanish only!), and most of the time, the answer has already been given in the past.

This looking for answers in the past has taken us in many directions, like constantly looking back to Sonic Adventure to solve the great enigma that is 3D Sonic; but I’d add that the recent retrospectives about Sonic and its first 2D games have raised some criticism and questions that, while valid, end up muddling a formula that has proven itself to be effective and crucial in the design of everything related to Sonic.

What really worried me is the criticism about Sonic’s speed and the levels that are considered “slow”, and we’re going to delve into this.

The basic Principles of Sonic

Speed. Platforming. Exploration. These are Sonic’s basic Principles and have always been, from its beginning until today. These three concepts are at the core of not just the level design, but the games themselves as well. The best levels in the series know how to balance these aspects, and the best games are those that can keep a balanced flow, preventing the game from going too fast, and losing its exciting component along the way, or from going too slow and becoming boring, causing the player to lose interest. Naturally, in these games there have to be all sorts  of levels: faster, more relaxed, more open and more labyrinthine, all coexisting in harmony and without going too far in one direction. Ignoring these Principles puts the quality of the levels at risk, and even our understanding of the character.

I would have put my own examples here, but just before starting to write this section I got some wonderful ones from Beevean. If you don’t remember her, she helped a lot with the article about the music of Classic Sonic, and I already warned her that if she kept posting examples this good, I would have had no choice but to feature her again. The discussion started from this post, and she says:

If you approach Sonic thinking its only characteristic is “gotta go fast”, the game you’re gonna get is Advance 2. The very flat, boring, “there’s no way to put normal obstacles in these levels so we’re gonna throw bottomless pits at the player until they get sick of them” Advance 2.

Some fast levels can be awful - Stardust Speedway is a disaster from a level design standpoint and the whole level seems to work against you. Some slow levels can be super fun - you rarely run in Lava Reef and you spend most of the time dodging obstables, but that doesn’t stop it from being one of the most beloved levels in S3&K. There’s no arbitrary reason that separates “good” levels from “bad” levels, it’s an amalgamation of many factors - plus of course your personal enjoyment.

And in her tags (because we both include more information in our tags than in our posts) she adds:

The levels that are widely considered bad usually put too much focus on one of the factors you mentioned.

Marble Zone is too slow and linear.

Luminous Forest is too fast and linear.

The Doom and Lost Impact are too labyrinthine.

And so on.

My personal example is Sonic Mania and its progression during the mid-game, from Flying Battery to Mirage Saloon:

Flying Battery is a long level, filled to the brim with speed and emotions, especially during Act 2. After beating the boss, the player is likely going to feeling exhausted after being thrown left and right, and so…

The following level is Press Garden. Act 1 is a relatively closed and relaxed level, but still moving at a reasonable pace. If the player is familiar with the level they can finish it quickly, but they still can take their time appreciating the view of the printing and the machinery of the zone. Act 2 enhances this, with an absolutely lovely view and an active but still relaxed flow…

Then there’s Stardust Speedway, which is divided into two completely opposite acts. Act 1 is a relatively fast level, but very relaxed and almost a Zen-like experience when the player lets himself be carried away by the starry night sky, and with a relative absence of lights or discomfort on the screen (enemies and obstacles aside). Act 2 is the other way around, a largely colorful, explosive, fast level (to the point that I, anything but a speedrunner, managed to finish the level in 31 seconds, 2:10 minutes if you include the fight with Metal Sonic), culminating in one of the longest, most intense bosses in the game that marks the halfway point of the adventure…

After such an exciting journey, the next level is Hydrocity, once again split in half with a calmer, more exploration-oriented Act 1, and an Act 2 that, similarly to the original level, is one of the most adrenaline-filled water levels in the series. The boss is intense as well, but verging on being tedious and not nearly as fast as the level itself…

And finally, Mirage Saloon. Every version of Act 1, regardless of the quality, are there to set up Act 2, a largely open, fast-paced level.

In short, the Mania experience is made of peaks and valleys of emotions and adrenaline, keeping the game to a reasonable pace and with a good dose of speed, exploration and platforming. The player can break the flow anytime to look for Giant Rings and other hidden goodies, and that doesn’t ruin the charm of the level. In the same way, the faster levels require the player to be familiar with them and to know how to platform to get the best results, without giving you free speed like it’s not worth it (looking at you, Advance 2).

Even the worst levels have the chance to redeem themselves, like for example Labyrinth Zone in the “Misfit Pack” Mania mod.

 Breaking the Principles.

When a level or a game breaks the balance for too long, it might become too easy (the infamous “hold right to win”), too boring (the most common argument against Sonic 1 because of levels like Marble Zone and Labyrinth Zone), or too obtuse (the criticism against Sonic CD). The key word is “for too long”, as Beevean already explained how levels that prioritize one thing over the others can still be considered good stages by the majority of the fandom (example: Lava Reef, and I’d add Spring Yard and Final Egg).

As I said before, Mania shows us how there are levels that prioritize certain aspects, but only for a few minutes at a time. Mirage Saloon Act 1 for Sonic and Tails may be a slow, boring level, but it’s only 3 minutes long in a game that lasts 2-4 hours. Same goes for Carnival Night Act 2, a long, tedious level, but that is still a 4-9 minutes long interval before getting back on track with Ice Cap and Launch Base.

3D Sonic is a much more complicated situation, as every game has its pros and cons. Adventure 1 is one of the games that experiments the most with the Principles in a 3D plane, but it breaks the flow of the stages with the plot and hubs worlds to explore (which are pretty divisive even to this day; for the record, on this blog we’re pro hubs). Adventure 2 gets rid of the time-wasting hubs but each character focuses on one Principle at the time: Sonic and Shadow focus almost exclusively on speed with some platforming, Tails and Eggman on action and platforming, and Knuckles and Rouge are all about exploration (and RNG…). Sonic Unleashed does pretty much the same, just reintroducing the hub worlds, while Sonic Generations is at its core a balanced mix of speed, platforming and exploring (plus a much smaller hub between levels), and… well, I think I made myself clear. 3D Sonic is a mess of ideas that orbit around the fundamental Principles, but that for some reason are never kept consistent between games.

Going back to utterly breaking the Principles, there’s one level above all that destroys every one of those extremes, never taking the middle road and without worrying at all about what players might think of it. This level is…

Eggmanland

If Sonic Mania is a clear example of a relatively balanced flow, in its mid-game at least, Eggmanland may be the biggest example of what happens when each and every one of the Principles is taken to its extremes. Let me explain:

Speed: Eggmanland can be both too fast for the player to react, between QTE and super quick jumps that may lead to your death if you’re not fast enough (and you rarely will), or too slow of a slog to navigate (the long Werehog sections).

Platforming: Eggmanland can have too much tricky precision platforming, made even harder due to a lack of a drop shade (the second Werehog section is infamous for this), or it can throw stretches where you do almost nothing but hold X and maybe go through a QTE, which if failed lead to your death once again; at worst you have to wait, which sends us back to our previous point.

Exploration: Eggmanland can be a giant, confusing labyrinth (there is no shortage of stories of player getting lost in this behemoth of a level), and at the same time it can have some long linear room to room progression, separated by doors about as fast as Big the Cat.

I should say that, despite all of this, I love Eggmanland a lot, and same goes for Beevean; but this is something that has to do with what we mentioned before, personal preference. From a technical standpoint, and according to many players, Eggmanland is an absolute nightmare.

Are we misunderstanding Sonic?

Going back to the central topic of this article, I believe that I put enough emphasis on the importance of balance in Sonic, so let’s go back to the previous question: what is the problem?

In short, I disagree with the voices that call for redirecting Sonic towards “fast”, adrenaline-filled stages. These people, with their own retrospective, are doing some sort of revisionism with Sonic levels, automatically branding levels that aren’t as fast as others as “bad”. We’re ignoring the true value of platforming and exploring the levels, and the perception of the character is at risk.

Like Beevean said, looking at Sonic just as “gotta go fast” is, plain and simple, absurd. Sonic is much more than this restless teenager that, just like that movie with the bus, if he doesn’t run at speeds higher than 90 mph his heart will stop. Yes, going fast is a big part of his initial appealing and his way of life (“My stories only end when I stop running”); but when Sonic’s speed is brought up in these discussions, the rest of what makes the character is left outside: how much he admires nature and how much he likes to take a rest every now and then before the next adventure. Sonic OVA, Sonic Adventure, Sonic X and even Sonic Lost World’s ending show that Sonic is not just speed, but also rest, curiosity, exploration. There are even cases where the journey and the friends and memories made along the way are much more important than the destiny itself (Sonic Heroes, Sonic Unleashed), and on several occasions it’s been shown as an actual weakness of the character the fact that he would act recklessly and under the influence of the fateful “gotta go fast”. This aspect of Sonic’s attitude might probably be product of the aggressive marketing campaigns this character endured (ever since the Genesis “Blast Processing”), but it doesn’t tell the whole story, and it’s unacceptable to enforce this line of thought over everything we know about the character.

And to end this long section where I was hinting at one of the most important points of one of the most thoughtful games of the series, let’s not forget that Sonic is pretty aware that everything has a beginning and an end, because that’s the Nature’s way of things and we have to live life at its fullest, for it is finite. Running at top speed is just one of many ways Sonic lives his life, and his eyes will forever be filled, not so much with speed, but with curiosity.

Conclusions

To recap this long article, let’s remember that

Speed, Platforming and Exploration are the three basic Sonic Principles. The momentum in the games comes from the interaction between these elements.

Speed is not something that’s delivered for the sake of being delivered: it usually is a reward or an incentive to keep the player interested, engaged and excited for what’s to come.

Breaking the Principles impacts the experience of the game in many aspects… unless you’re Eggmanland and you’re breaking every single Principle in one level anyway.

To narrow Sonic down to just “speed” is to ignore everything else that this character represents. “Gotta go fast” is a facet of his design and personality, but not the only one.

Starting from this, we can sit down and discuss about “good” and “bad” levels in the series all day long, but I don’t think it’s necessary. Now that we’re about to discover what’s next for the series, I believe it’s important to clarify what Sonic represents in every stage, so that with some luck we can see better consistency and quality in his future adventures.

Speaking of this last point, I just remembered The Geek Critique’s series of Sonic retrospectives, another series of videos that inspired me and I found enlightening. Do you guys remember the videos I linked to at the beginning? Well, it’s time for you to watch them :P (if you want to, of course)

(I’d like to thank Beevean again for suggesting the best examples I could have needed. Seriously, she helped much more than it looks)

What do you guys think? What is the ideal Sonic level, and why? Do you agree that Sonic is much more than a speedy blue hedgehog? In the meantime, we’re hopefully going to see each other very soon. See you next time!

I feel this theme is strangely fitting to conclude this article, lol

~

After the Spanish article was posted, I reblogged with this:

To add something more, I was chatting with a friend of mine who pointed out that, for all the talk in the fandom that we want to see less linear levels, most of the fan favorites are pretty linear - Ice Cap, Speed Highway, City Escape, Rooftop Run… I told him that yeah, linearity isn’t a synonym of bad level design because linear levels can still be enjoyable: with these particular cases, what makes them different from a random Lost Valley is that they have other elements that make them stand out (snowboarding, running down a skyscraper, skateboarding through San Francisco, climbing the Big Ben…). Plus they have something to compensate for the linearity, like fluid platforming.

In the case of Ice Cap and Speed Highway, there’s also a contrast between their halves: IC Act 1 is cramped and heavy on platforming, while Act 2 is much faster and without many obstacles, almost as a reward; Speed Highway starts out as fast and exhiliarating, with little platforming getting in the way of running, but the At Dawn section is a short open space, to let the player catch their breath, to the point that even the music and the aesthetic are much more relaxed. So, as you said, the balance is kept, and when you add a memorable setting and music, you have a great level in your hands.

Thank you @latin-dr-robotnik​ for giving me the permission to post this! I just had to translate this fascinating article to share it with everyone :>

[laughriot]

Reading Roundup - March 2021

The Ask and The Answer by Patrick Ness (4/5)

I really enjoyed this book! I thought it was a very good sequel and set up the final book in the trilogy very well. It was darker than I expected (and I expected it to be rough) but found it very interesting and was definitely immersed in the story very quickly. Despite liking the characters less as people in this one (the worst of everyone is brought our during war and tyranny), I had so much more respect for the way Ness had written them and how human and real they were. I'm really looking forward to reading the final book as I was not expecting parts of this one's ending!

The Boys in The Band by Mart Crowley (4/5)

I love this play. I love the play itself, I love it's history, I love the film adaptations. all of it. It's just such an interesting, funny play with the most fascinating moments of tension. It's a product of anger and desperation and paints such a fascinating picture of what happens to people who are stepped on by the world and who can only be themselves, darkness and all, in front of the people being oppressed with them. The copy of the play I got comes with an introduction by Tony Kushner (writer of Angels in America) which was absolutely wonderful and insightful.

Patti Lupone: A Memoir (5/5)

Who wouldn't love hearing the story of Patti Lupone's life, straight from the women herself? This book was frank, funny and absolutely fascinating. I really enjoyed the way the book was formatted, I liked that she included pictures and I really loved that there was not a single page where I doubted it was Patti who had written this book. Patti Lupone is just a legend and moments from here career are theatre legends, and it was super interesting to hear them from the primary source. Also, if I didn't already despise Andrew Lloyd Webber, I certainly do now.

Get Well Soon by Julie Halpern (2/5)

I was really excited about the concept of this book because it's vey rare that inpatient units aren't demonised in media but I felt really let down by this book in almost every way. There was so much internalised misogyny, fatphobia, promotion of disordered eating etc and it was just very uncomfortable. There was a lot of use of the word "ghetto" by white characters which was unnecessary. The ward was still described as this horrible place and the characters all felt extremely 2D. It's a no from me.

How It All Blew Up - Arvin Ahmadi (5/5)

This book was just a really good, fun queer novel. It had a clear conflict but it wasn't overwhelmingly tense or dark. I enjoyed the characters, and the way the author really seemed to understood the setting instead of just having the characters interact in very famous tourist spots. The protagonist was likeable and relatable and I was truly rooting for him. I also really enjoyed the format of this novel and the opportunity this format gave us to really get to know and understand the Amir and his family.

What if It's Us by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera (4/5)

Again, this was just a really nice queer YA romance novel. I think it perfectly portrayed the overdramatic nature of teen relationships, and how everything feels like the biggest thing ever without actually being over-the-top. I really liked the main characters (I have a proper soft spot for ben though). I was originally worried it would be really obvious it was written by two authors and there'd be some sort of disconnect but I didn't really notice when the authors changed which was good. I really enjoyed this book, and it was a lovely way to enjoy Adam Silvera's writing without the heartbreak that usually comes along with it.

Boy Erased by Garrard Conley (5/5)

This memoir is heart-breaking and uncomfortable to read but so important. Conley writes with such honesty and frankness - which was probably my favourite part of this memoir. I would push everyone to read this. Trigger warning for descriptions and discussion of rape though, please stay safe.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky (3/5)

I really thought that I would LOVE this book, but I just didn't. I did really like Charlie, and I enjoyed the style of the writing that really makes it feel like you're going through the journey with him. But it this novel just felt disjointed and overstuffed sometimes and i found myself getting bored. I think this might be the only case were i prefer a movie adaption to the book.

[odatodeath]

a personal look at every oda nobunaga that I’ve seen so far... in as few words as possible. hopefully. (i failed)

Not a ranking or anything, and I’m not judging any actors, just the ‘character’ of nobunaga as he is portrayed. Any version of him that’s around long enough to have a general idea of who he is will be included.

This is also basically my way of archiving every Nobunaga I’ve seen so far.

what I need to watch or finish watching: Nobunaga: King of Zipangu, Hideyoshi (Taiga), Gunshi Kanbei, Tenchijin, Samurai Commando: Mission 1549, Nobunaga Moyu, Goemon, Three Nobunagas, Kunitori Monogatari

I’ll add onto this list as I go through more stuff with Nobunaga in it.

Kagemusha: Stole the show. Partly because Nobu is already outstanding compared to other conservative samurai (like ieyasu or shingen’s men,) and partly because his actor sold it that well. A bit of a spitfire.

Honnoji Hotel: Grew jaded over time, but empathetic and means well. Him being outstanding comes from his ambition. I just love this Nobu.

Nobunaga no Hitsugi: This is a kind, serious, focused Nobu. May or may not be based on how Gyuichi idolised him. 

Katen no Shiro: A cool Nobu that knows what he’s doing despite still acting odd in comparison to his peers and having outrageous expectations. he listens when someone tells him something, and regardless of his reaction in the moment, he makes sure it turns out well.

Onna Nobunaga: Despite it being boringly written, this Nobunaga is played well. A no-bullshit type, jaded immediately, but everything regarding this Nobu and romance is meh.

The Kiyosu Conference: We don’t see much of him, but he’s played for goofs and I appreciate just how far they went to find someone that looks so absurdly like Nobunaga’s post-death portraits. Portrayed as tough, but dies quickly.

Toshiie to Matsu: Harsh, but playful and considerate. He cares deeply about his men and uses the sort of ‘tough love’ idea to whip them into shape. Headstrong.

Go: Himetachi no Sengoku: Now this Nobu.. is one of my favourites. For only appearing in a few episodes, we saw glimpses of an extremely complex character. He’s tough on people who annoy him or do things he thinks are illogical, but when faced with a character who tells him like it is (like he SEEKS from everyone else,) he laments his life. Keen on personal honour. Loves his family.

Sanadamaru: We really don’t see much of him, but he’s one of the Nobu who are always one step ahead, but has a real temper. When he gets angry, he is very angry.

Onna Joshu Naotora: This Nobunaga either intentionally or unintentionally strives to be the epitome of something inhuman. Rarely emotes (except in the case of handsome men.. and bread?) and uses “staring for long periods of time” to add to his intimidation factor. Again, I’m not sure whether he’s intentionally being scary or if it’s just a side effect of him being... him. This one’s the most ‘unhinged’.

Kirin ga Kuru: This Nobunaga is one of the more soft and playful ones, but he’s intense when he steps up to the role of it. He really wanted to make his parents proud of him, and was shunned by his family more with every attempt. Now that they’re all out of the picture, he has nothing else to distract him from bigger goals. Since this taiga is still ongoing, I’ve yet to see how he ends-up.

Nobunaga’s Ambition: Koei has a good way of adapting the same person/character differently multiple times. In Nobunaga’s Ambition, Nobunaga starts out as the aloof fool we’re all aware of, but abruptly after Masahide’s death, he shapes up to take over the country. Very driven... no surprise, since the game is about... his ambition.

Samurai Warriors: He varies somewhat from game to game, but he typically always has a “good” sense of humour... that no one else really understands. He doesn’t take life seriously, but takes death seriously instead. Stoic and serious for the most part, but he always has wisdom to share and will find things to laugh at.

Sengoku BASARA: Demon King Nobunaga. Written to embody that title. He doesn’t find any particular joy in killing or torturing (like Mitsuhide,) he just does it when he thinks it’s necessary for his goals. Still, like Samurai Warriors Nobu.. he sure does have a “good” sense of humour; in that he’ll find something to laugh about because it makes him cool. no problems here. He has a warped perspective on the ideals most Nobunaga have: he wants to end war... by destroying everything.

Gakuen BASARA: I’m calling it separate because I think the idea of Nobunaga as a “strict headmaster” is .. an interesting character idea. Honestly, he’s not all that strict. All the kids in his school are just morons, and he JUST SO HAPPENS to respond to it and their death threats by blowing them up, I guess. But he is deeply protective over his school (not so much the kids) almost caring about it like it’s a living thing and wanting to uphold its rules.

Pokemon Conquest: Acts cold and menacing and doesn’t explain himself clearly enough, which is why his sister leaves him and starts a revolt in the first place. He is so infatuated with talking like the riddler, or something. JUST BE CLEAR, mAN!! But, in the end of the game, one particular all-seeing eye assures him that it knows he has good intentions, and he’s allowed to remain. Was a fun kid.

Onimusha: He’s your typical satan-y hammy villain, and becomes a blob of meat in the end. He’s one step ahead,

Nioh/Nioh 2: Unlike other Koei adaptations of young Nobu, Nioh 2′s version of young Nobu is similar to their older Nobu. They’re both amused by small things but have a strong sense of pride and won’t do anything they don’t already want to do themselves.

Nobunaga Concerto: The actual!Nobu in Nobunaga concerto is a more reserved nobunaga, no doubt thanks to him assuming the role of Akechi Mitsuhide, under a headscarf. Saburo, the guy who takes actual!Nobu’s place, is a “typical goofy japanese teen”, but when placed in serious situations, he lives up to his role as a warlord and takes control.

Oda Cinnamon Nobunaga: This Nobunaga, while played for laughs, has a pretty clear character. When something annoys him, it’s very obvious. When he likes something, it’s very obvious. Otherwise, he’s perceptive and fun type. His stubbornness can get in the way of that, though.

Nobunaga no Shinobi: This Nobunaga is portrayed as more a neutral-good type, which isn’t a surprise considering he’s one of the main characters, and the actual main character happens to be his ninja who he treats almost like his kid. He’s serious most of the time, VERY protective of his sister and wife, quite respectful, and because it’s a humorous show, he can be plenty funny in a deadpan way. When he gets angry, he either explodes or goes into a depressed state where he acts/thinks cruelly.

Nobunaga no Chef: Similar to Nobunaga no Shinobi, this Nobunaga lashes out and acts cruel when angry. It’s more emphasised in this series, though, because he is consistently portrayed as more of a neutral character who acts harshly and seems uncaring on the outside. Buried under his fabulous clothes, however, he has a heart that knows exactly what it wants, and he never intends to do harm to innocents.

That one Toyota Ad Series: Actually, I love this Nobu. I can’t speak Japanese and I haven’t seen the ads translated, but the vibe of this Nobunaga is just great. The premise is that he and Hideyoshi are reborn in modern times, and as you’d expect when a warlord suddenly no longer has to wage war: he’s just chill. A badass type, but he’s prone to being surprised by everything new the world offers him (or when meeting old friends). Also he takes care of baby Masamune. Love him.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #340

“wash the poison from off my skin  /  show me how to be whole again”

What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have this oddly specific memory of bringing my little Snorlax plushie for one in pre-k. I remember thinking everyone thought I was weird for liking Pokemon as a girl. Do you remember losing your first tooth? I don't. Have you ever been addicted to a game? What game? I think I was addicted to World of Warcraft at a point, but it's honestly hard to tell. My depression was just so abysmal that it was the one thing I got even a smidge of not even joy, but active distraction out of because the options of what you can do in the game are essentially limitless. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it does make me jump because I don't like loud noises. Name one person you’d like to see this month. Bitch we fighting Covid, stay away from me. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don’t know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? They're nearly tied, honestly, but I prefer the original. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I KNOW my maternal grandmother didn't, and I don't believe any other grandparent did, either. When was the last time you had a bubble bath? Not since I was a kid. What do you usually buy when you go to the corner store? You mean like, a gas station or dollar store? Something small like that? In that case, I'll usually look for a Mountain Dew Voltage sometimes along with something Reese's-related. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, absofuckinglutely. He so obviously loves me. I know my snake doesn't though, considering reptilian brains just physically aren't capable of creating that emotion. She does, however, obviously trust me and definitely seems to enjoy coming out of her terrarium and thus hanging out by me. Bubbles or sidewalk chalk? I loved drawing with chalk, but I like bubbles more. I just love how they catch light and have such beautiful colors to share. What do you use to tell time when your gone out somewhere? My phone. Are you proud of your body? FUCK no. I wish I still was, goddammit. I used to be so fit, and it's funny, because even back then at like, 118 lbs at 5'4'', I thought I was kinda chubby. Like bitch shut the fuck up. Watermelon or cherries? I honestly don't like either, but I'll definitely pick watermelon over cherries. They're disgusting. What is your all-time favourite song? "False Flags" by Massive Attack. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Biiiiiitch guess lmao. I think everyone has, though. What is the band you’ve listened to most lately? Definitely 3TEETH. Love 'em. Favourite brand of cookies? Hm, good question. They've gotta be good at making SOFT chocolate chip cookies, though. I don't enjoy crunchy cookies nearly as much. If you could meet anyone who lived before your time, who would it be? I don't really know. Oh, y'know, chatting with Edgar Allan Poe would probably be cool. Do you pay for your own things? I literally can't. It's embarrassing. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance? No. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Certain sexual things I've done, probably. When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? Of course. Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? I felt that way in my friendship with Colleen, but no romantic relationships. What would you consider unforgivable? Rape. Like no, go to hell. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Pre-Covid, yeah. What do you dislike the most about being the gender that you are? Probably how heavily judged women are for having ANYTHING "wrong" with their appearance. You could be five pounds over what is "normal" for your height and you're seen as fat. One strand of body hair, and you're disgusting. Bushy eyebrows, you're now manly. I could go on and on. Do you think that weed/marijuana should be legalized? Yes. Rate your typing speed on a scale from 1 - 10? 10. Do you enjoy tanning? Ugh, no. Just sitting there doing nothing but sweating. Have you ever written anybody an anonymous note? I have not. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah; we used to have one. It was the best when we lived in the woods. Do you blow dry your hair or do you let it air out? I just let it air dry. Candles or incense? I prefer incense. Can you juggle? No. Your favorite vegetable? Broccoli. Do you catch lizards? No; I don't like terrifying wildlife. I'd much rather just take pictures of the little guys and let them go about their business. If we returned to a world without internet, what aspect of online life would you miss the most? YouTube, haha. It's more unique and personal entertainment than television, imo. Are you craving anything aside from food, and if so, what? I want a new piercinggggg. What was the last change you made to your lifestyle? I'm *trying* to get back into regularly making art, along with reading. I'm also really trying to implement drinking more water into my day. What was the last thing you gave up doing? *shrug* What was the last thing to boost your self-esteem? What sort of things typically make you feel good about yourself? It really, really helped to hear my PHP group enjoy my poem about gay rights so much. I was so terrified and did NOT want my therapist to share it, but it turned out being very beneficial. To answer the second question, it's pretty much stuff like I just mentioned: positive reactions to things I create. When it comes to food, do you prefer crunchy or softer textures? Definitely softer. Do you prefer savory or sweet things for breakfast? Hm. Depends on the day, ig. What is something small that you take extremely personally? I'm blanking. What was going on the last time you couldn’t sleep? I just... couldn't sleep. That's not rare for me. Have you drawn anything recently? I recently drew a picture of a still from Rammstein's "Mutter" music video, and I'm now working on Sara's 'kat Alucard. If you're going somewhere close by, do you walk? No. One simply does not walk in this town and not fear being shot. Do you prefer colorful notebooks over plain ones? I like colorful ones, particularly those with a nice pattern or something on it. What's your most ambitious goal? I'd consider wanting to be a successful freelance photographer to be rather ambitious. Do you know anyone named Alex? Well, knew, by this point. One of my closest online friends that just got a boyfriend and fell off the face of the planet when we used to talk every day. I'm still hurt about it, honestly. What's your favorite kind of pie? I don't like pie because of the crust being so, well... crusty and crumbly. Have you ever chatted someone up and scored a date? No. How far would you go with someone you just met? Not very far at all. All you're getting is a hug, if even that. What's your favorite meal to have for dinner? I mean, it depends on what I feel like having. I don't have a set favorite meal. What do you daydream about? The future, mostly. People I miss. Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on? Yes, Sara. <3 We met via YouTube back when it had much more social connection. Have you ever been to the beach? Yeah, a good number of times. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I don't believe I've been ill in any sort of way since I had that ungodly ear infection a few years ago. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, Colleen's house. Mom once tried kicking me out of the car one night otw home, but I didn't listen. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. How many siblings do your parents have? Mom has two brothers and I think one sister, and Dad has one sister. Who last held your hand? My niece or nephew, dragging me somewhere, haha. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? No, not interested. What was the last thing you watched on YouTube? I'm watching John Wolfe's playthrough of Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs. It's so funny how like... every let's player I watch doesn't enjoy the game, like they miss the incredible symbolism and shy away from the advanced language, and sometimes it's just frustrating to watch them; I only do because I enjoy the game and want to see more people experience it and relive it vicariously. It's very high on my list of favorite games. What sport do you find yourself best at? I wouldn't know; I haven't played any sports in years. I was pretty good at softball as a kid, though. Do you think makeup on guys is freaky or sexy? My opinion shouldn't matter; a man can wear makeup whenever he damn well pleases without worrying what others think. But anyway, I tend to find it attractive, especially if it's goth makeup. Have you ever been accused of a crime you did not commit? No. Do you like pickles? I love dill pickles. What was the craziest moment of your life? Probably just lying in that hospital bed following my OD, my mom and two best friends just sitting there with me. It was such a weird, weird feeling. Like I was just so done, frustrated beyond what I can say. I remember thinking it was almost funny, just how it all built up and went wrong. Where do you spend most of your time? In my room on my bed. What is your favorite muffin? Chocolate chip. Would you ever get a boob job? I already know when/if I lose the weight I want to, it will be kind of a big deal to me and my atrocious body image to get a breast lift. Being overweight ~does things~ you know, and god knows I want every trace of it that can be erased gone. Would you ever go on a reality TV dating show? That's a massive "no" from me, buddy. Would you rather be inside or outside? It depends on where I am and the temperature outside, but generally, inside. Do you like the current president? Well, I voted for him, so I can't shit-talk much. I don't know the true depths of him as a person and all he stands for, though; when I decided I needed to vote, I just did some research on his core values. I don't have any complaints yet, from what I've seen at least, which isn't a lot. Do you whiten your teeth? I've used whitening strips before, but I don't now because they're not that effective. If it's financially plausible at some point in my life, teeth whitening is another thing I want to have medically done because of my previous horrible self-care. My teeth have a clear yellow tint and I hate it. Do you get cold easily? No; it's actually the opposite: I get hot easily. What was the worst sickness you ever had? Probably this one stomach bug I had where I just threw up relentlessly. Like eventually barely even bile would come up; it was just dry heaving. My stomach muscles were in agony. Was your childhood wasted by something? No, thankfully. Would you rather die during an adventure or die like a normal person? A normal person. The idea of having such a sudden death stresses me out for multiple reasons; I mostly don't want my family to just be suddenly devastated, and I honestly want to come to peace with the fact I was dying. Like, find my life's own closure instead of just having it ripped away. Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Jesus, I sure hope not. Do you have a gag reflex? A very strong one. Do you ever fantasize about trying drugs? I've wondered before what the effects of weed would be like for me, but "fantasize" is definitely the wrong word. Would you rather have sex before you’re married or wait till marriage? It'd be up to my partner, honestly, because I'm fine with either. What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? I never did dares because I thought they were stupid. Like I'm not gonna do dumb shit just to show you I can. Do you know anyone who has been raped? I think I might? Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Yeah. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? No. Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer. Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones are just big and clunky and in the way when you use a laptop in bed, plus they irritate my skin. I like how earbuds actually go in your ears for more direct hearing. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? If I wanted children, no, because I don't think I'm capable to give a child like that adequate care, being so mentally ill myself. I wouldn't want to risk worsening their condition. Favorite thing to do with a significant other? Play games together, particularly cute multiplayer ones that are more about the experience of playing together versus getting past difficult obstacles and such. Like for example, one of my favorite memories with Jason is simply playing Little Big Planet together. Favorite ice cream topping? I don't like many toppings on my ice cream, but I do love melted hot fudge. First boyfriend/girlfriend’s name? Aaron. Do you support PETA? Considering they are incredibly self-righteous extremists, no. Do you believe in the Big Bang Theory? Well, I believe in some sort of "god" figure that created the universe, so I don't think so. A condensed ball of nothing exploding to create something so extravagant? It sounds pretty far-fetched to me. But then again, maybe that semblance of a "god" I believe in created the universe through that, idk. It doesn't really matter now, though, does it. What happened happened, I'm not very concerned with it. What insect can you not stand the site of? It's more so larvae that I can't stand the sight of, like maggots and stuff. They make me squirm. Do you like Doctor Who? I've only seen one or two episodes, so I can't say. Do you approve of gay marriage? Of course I do. I'm bisexual and would like to get married, so I might marry a woman. Are you into politics? I'm really not. Do you think the world is ending soon? Nah, even though it sure does feel like it sometimes. Ever been to a mosh pit? No, they don't seem very fun at all. Do you like to debate? NO. NO NO NO. Do you like the band System of a Down? Yeah, I do. Are you German? It's a big part of my heritage. Do your parents like your best friend? Yes. Who’s someone you can act your complete self around? Sara, 100%. She's the only person I feel entirely comfortable around when it comes to being myself. Do you believe in Friday the 13th? I don't believe in there being any supernatural power to it, no. Who is your favorite rapper? Eminem. What age is your youngest aunt? Uhhhh I have no idea. Do you like bowling? Sure, it's fun. Do you like roasting marshmallows on a bonfire? I do. What shows or characters scared you as a child? Ghostface from the Scream series was my worst fucking nightmare. I couldn't even see pictures of him without crying. The King Ramses guy from Courage the Cowardly Dog also gave me a number of nightmares. Something about the way he was animated was very unnatural and unnerving to me.