#How do you write such great and well written characters and then be completely disinterested in actually putting them on screen?????

[thefloatingstone]

Appleseed PDA montage to save you from reading endless pages of unimportant politics that don't amount to anything

also because I have nothing better to do, I'm bored, I'm moody, my gaming laptop is still broken so no BG3, and it's too late at night to start drawing after doing animation clean-up all day.

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers (March 3rd, 2021)

Here’s our latest batch of anon ask answers! Thanks for waiting for them.

Will there be a 'Our Life' game for each season? Please say we're getting a winter one! 

As of right now we’re only planning on making two, summer and fall. They take quite a while to finish and we’re not sure where we’ll be when the second OL is truly wrapped up. But it’s not impossible we can do a third. Though, four Our Life games is probably not super likely, honestly, aha. Maybe the third game, if we make one, could be switch between winter and spring or something.

What engine/engines do you use to make your games? 

We use Renpy for all our projects!

For version 1.2 of OL, did you make any changes to the DLC? If so, could you post a changelog detailing what exactly (or at least a general overview)? If it's not too much trouble, could you also elaborate on the bugs/errors you fixed in the base game? 

There aren’t really any changes to the DLCs, except for the voiced name DLC getting an expansion. We fixed very few small typos and added a couple extra lines. Unfortunately, we don’t have a list of exactly what all the little fixes were.

I've been playing OL and I love the characters! As soon as Baxter showed up, I knew I wanted to learn more about him! Would you consider adding him as a prospective LI in the future? 

Yep, Baxter (and Derek) will be getting his own romance story as an optional DLC late in 2021! Glad you like him.

Hellooo! First off I'm a huge fan of the game and can't stop playing it. However, I was wondering about how much domestic life with Cove we'll get to see in step 4. Meaning the time before the wedding and the time after. In my game Cove and I talked about having children and I was hoping that would be an option in step 4. Either way, I cannot wait for the release and I send my best to everyone working on the production :) thanks! 

I’m sorry, there’s no children or scenes after the two are married. There’s sort of endless possibilities for what that future could be like, so we unfortunately can’t depict it. You only get scenes before they’re married and, if you get the wedding DLC, you can see the day they get married. It ends there, though. But thank you for the well-wishes!

Hello! I was just wondering, so step 4 is going to be similiar to the prologue/epilogue scenes of the game. Is the Wedding DLC going to be one long scene too or will that have moments? (I love the game by the way, its ruined all other visual novels for me in the most wonderful way <3 ) 

Yeah, Step 4 and the wedding DLC will be like the prologues/summer ended parts of the game. There won’t be separate Moments you can play in any order. I’m really happy you like the game so much!

You said that the OL MC's birthday can't be in summer, but what if you headcanoned it to be? 

You can headcanon it as being in summer! There just aren’t birthday events in the game even if you do know your MC was born in summer. We had to leave those out, since some people might not want their MC to be born in summer and then they’d miss out on extra birthday scenes because of it. It wouldn’t have been fair.

Hello!😺 I absolutely love your game!😻 I can't wait for DLS with Derek and Baxter. And I wonder if Baxter could have seen Cove and MC at the party during their first failed dance? Or is Baxter only paying attention to who he's dancing with, or is he not dancing with anyone at the soiree at all then? 

Baxter isn’t really paying attention to the couples on the floor. He’s just cruising the outskirts for someone available to dance with him. So he doesn’t get any memories of the MC or Cove at that party if the two just dance with each other. It’s great to hear you like the game!

time-wise/step-wise when does the nsfw dlc take place? 

It’s not super strict in terms of an exact of weeks/months, but generally it’s sometime not long after the end of Step 3.

Heya! I'm currently obsessed with Our Life (I played through the entire game on Valentine's Day, hahaha– ha... hah), and I have one silly question: if I start playing Step 3 with the less... "romantically inclined" interest levels (Fond & Disinterest), is there still a chance of getting a romantic ending with Cove? Can Cove and the MC realize "they're the one for me" in just one summer? Or... are confessions off the table completely unless at least at Crush level? Thank you in advance! 

So happy you’re having fun with it! In OL1 deciding that Cove is your friend means he’s truly only a friend. You can’t decide you have a crush partway through. But we are considering doing things differently in future games.

hey i have some questions about our life

a) is there a way to be friends with that mean bowlcut kid or is he always... like tha

b. what is coves ethnicity?

A. He is always like that, haha. At least as a kid, he does grow up to be different~

B. Cove’s mom Kyra is white, but Cliff’s race doesn’t come up and players are able to headcanon it. So Cove is half white and half whatever you prefer Cliff to be. 

how do you get to the two mc cut-in scenes from the new update?

&

Hiii! I'm doing another playthrough (it's only like my 100th time playing through the entire game) after the 1.2 update, and I was wondering how to get the new art? I also really love all the new stuff, thank you for working so hard and creating such a wonderful game :)

You can check our our CG guide on Steam for that! Thank you for the kind words.

Sorry to bother you, but I have a question about the Patreon moment. Will there be initiative settings there too? And if there aren't, will the MC lead the whole thing or will Cove lead at certain points too? Thank you~ 

There will still be flexibly in what you’re comfortable with and whether you want Cove to automatically do things or for choices to always be involved :]. And you don’t need to apologize!

Hello!! I wanted to ask a couple of questions about Our Life:

1. Will we able to buy all the DLC via Steam or will there be some of them only available in Patreon? Just to know if I should create a Patreon user XD

2. Will Our Life: Now and Forever be about the current MC, Cove and the other characters or will it be a game with a New MC, new romantic options and new characters?

1. There will be a Patreon-only NSFW bonus Moment. But all the normal planned DLCs will release on Steam.

2. Our Life: Now & Forever is about new characters- new MC, new family, new LI, etc.

just some small bug I noticed: even if you didn't ask Cove to dance, if he asks you at the Soiree in Step 2 later and you say yes to dancing, the MC acts like they got to dance with Cove again even if it was the first time. 

Thank you for the report on that! We thought it was fixed, but I guess it didn’t work.

I was messing around with the new update and I noticed that all the hands in the firefly CGs have the same skin tone regardless of what you put in, (with the exception of the really dark skin color) is this a glitch or something? 

The skin tones aren’t the same. It’s just because they’re out at night with only fireflies for light that it makes each image look dark and therefore similar. But if you line them up together it’s clear how there are changes in every option.

How long did it take to plan out and write the story for OL? Not including the programming, art stuff, or the DLC chapters, I mean just planning and writing the base game story alone. The base game story seems hefty as is, and then on top of that there's the changes to scenes depending on MC's and Cove's personalities and relationship, I'm curious how long that took 

It took basically the full development time, aha. I’m someone who doesn’t fully outline a project before start and instead continues to come up with stuff as a project progresses. There were new parts to the story being created right up to near the launch. So, starting in 2016 or so to later 2020, with some breaks/hold-ups throughout that time.

Hello! I'm really, really enjoying Our Life: Beginning and Always, it was the kind of sweet, wholesome content I needed during these past months. I had a quick question, will you be making any female characters for the MC to romance? In this game or any others like it? I'm a lesbian and I'd love to have a female love interest with such well written romance as yours! Thank you so much. 

Thank you for the nice comment! Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t have a female LI since we didn’t want to treat other gender options as second fiddle to the male lead. But we have just started full production on Our Life: Now & Forever, which will have a starring female LI! There’s a silhouette glimpse of her Step 1 self here~

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[suburbanbeatnik]

The short and very miserable life of Napoleon II, aka the Eaglet, aka Franz, Duke of Reichstadt: PART ONE

Napoleon’s son with Marie Louise, his second wife, the daughter of the Holy Roman Emperor Habsburg Emperor Francis II, is known by a variety of names: Napoleon II, the Eaglet, l’Aiglon, King of Rome, or Franz, Duke of Reichstadt. It seems to me this kid barely gets mentioned as a footnote in most popular biographies of Napoleon. Of course Napoleon loved kids, and was over the moon that he finally had his own legitimate child, his own son and heir. He doted on this adorable and spirited blond moppet, being super affectionate with him, playing with him, spending lots of time with him, bringing him into his study to cuddle with him as he read dispatches, or tossing him up into the air when the toddler pulled on his coat-tails.

It’s very sweet and heart-warming to read all these adorable father-son moments, but honestly it’s depressing as hell to realize the best years of the Eaglet’s life was up to the age of four.

When he parted from his father after his defeat in Russia, it was all horribly and sickeningly downhill from there.

So I was reading Octave Aubry’s biography The King of Rome: Napoleon II. It’s not a new bio by any means— it’s from 1932. But it is thoroughly researched and very well written, with lots of cites from various Viennese archives, and Jesus Christ, it is depressing. The Eaglet was physically and emotionally abused by the Habsburg side of his family and by their minions for most of his very short life, and it makes for a harrowing read.  

What did his mother do to stop it, you may ask? Unfortunately, the answer is absolutely nothing.

TW: CHILD ABUSE

So, the best that could be said about his mother, Marie Louise, was that she was a weak character. If I wanted to be more blunt, I’d say she was spineless enough to the point I wonder if she was even a vertebrate.  

She was, of course, raised to hate Napoleon as a child. But then she met him and fell in love with him. She was very eager to be loved and do everything he asked her to do, even if (as Andrew Roberts points out in his own mammoth biography of Napoleon) she wasn’t the brightest bulb. But perhaps she was a perfectly cromulent empress when war wasn’t on her doorstep and she wasn’t asked to make decisions: but once the war WAS on her doorstep and decision-making was called of her, she fell apart like wet tissue. As Aubry explains:

That it would be a capital mistake for Marie Louise and her son to leave Paris was painfully evident to everyone, even to the Empress herself. But no initiative could have been expected of her. Willing, always of the best intentions, she was a passive creature both by temperament and education. She could never be more than an instrument in the hands of others. But Hortense, who had a resolute spirit behind that bleat of hers, showed both intelligence and heart in the circumstances. She was waiting for Marie Louise when the council was over, and said to her:

‘Sister dear, you must realize that in leaving Paris you will be neutralizing the defense and so lose your crown. I observe that you are making the sacrifice with great resignation.’

The Empress replied gently, almost humbly:

‘You are right. It is not my fault— the Council has decided that way.’

She was hoping vaguely for a letter from the Emperor, a counter-order that would permit her to remain. [Aubry pg 54]

At this point Louise, after fleeing Paris, wanted to be reunited with Napoleon, but she just cried and wrung her hands, as her lady-in-waiting Mme Lannes, in cahoots with Talleyrand, poured poison into her ear about how Napoleon never loved her. Then Talleyrand conspired to have all of Louise’s stuff stolen. The soon-to-be-ex-empress continued to cry and do nothing, only to go “to her room to collapse on her knees at her bedside.”

Anyway, her father swooped in and picked her up, and Metternich arranged to have Neipperg, a dashing, managing middle-aged man in uniform (Louise definitely had a type), seduce her. Within the space of weeks, she immediately changed her tune with regards to her husband, and wanted to have nothing more to do with him. As for the Eaglet, though he ended up in Vienna, he was in the care of his beloved governess, Mme de Montesquiou, aka “Maman ‘Quiou.” He was in good hands while Maman ‘Quiou was allowed to stay with him, but she was deathly afraid of being sent away, since she knew Louise was indifferent to her child and would never do the right thing, now that she was the puppet of her father and of Metternich.

With her son whom she had not seen for three months and who was enraptured at her return, she [Marie Louise] concerned herself less and less. In spite of the caresses and the gifts that were showered upon her, Mme. de Montesquiou saw things clearly and passed her judgment. Writing to her husband who was urging her to leave Vienna she said:

“My dear, do not call it my duty to return to France. As I have already advised you, you would be putting me in the greatest embarrassment, and my conscience would trouble me all my life long… If that child has a mother, very well, I could place him in her hands and be satisfied. But she is nothing less than that: she is more indifferent to his fate than the veriest stranger in his service.”

And to an intimate she confided in disgust at what she suspected and intuited:

“I have seen painful things, and I keep seeing them every day.”  [Aubry pg 81]

Unfortunately, in 1815, Maman ‘Quiou was sent away. The Eaglet wept for two days straight, and was put into the care of a certain Countess Mitrovsky, “a creature of the Empress Maria-Ludovica and an intimate of Neipperg.” The loyal Meneval, who was also to be sent away, said good-bye to the little boy, and the change in the child’s demeanor was striking.

He was struck by the child’s earnest and melancholy air. He did not run to meet Meneval with his usual lively gestures and gay exclamations. He watched him, as he entered, with the utmost indifference. Countess Mitrovsky was with him. Every few seconds he would look at her as though in fear of a reprimand. After a few conventional phrases, Meneval took his hand and asked him if he had anything to say to his papa, for he was going soon to see him. The child looked at him sadly and went away, still silent, towards the embrasure of a distant window. Meneval bade good-bye to the Countess and Mme. Soufflot [one of the few remaining French waiting women], then, as he was leaving, stepped over to the little boy who stood watching him from the window. He bent low to bid him good-bye. And at that moment, he felt a tug at his coat and heard a trembling little voice say:

“Monsieur Meva, you will tell him that I still love him dearly.”

He was only four years old and for fourteen months he had not seen his father…

When he reached the antechamber, Meneval burst into tears. [Aubry, pgs 89-90]

Not long after this, the young King was delivered into the care of a tutor named Count Dietrichstein. The Eaglet, who was “dragged” by Countess Mitrovsky to meet Dietrichstein, refused to have anything to do with him, and Dietrichstein, while weeping, dramatically claimed to a friend “he cannot love me” as long as the last French women, even the aged nurse, were in Franz’s service. So Mme Soufflot, her daughter Fanny, and the others were banished, leaving Franz completely alone.

No more warmth about him, no more deep interest, no more deep interest, no soft hands to stroke his curls, no arms to clasp him too tight when he returned weary from a drive, no knees to spread him to let him rest, no more smiling reproofs for his shortcomings, no more love in short— real love, that is disinterested, unselfish love, love for himself and love for what he was. His mother was soon to leave him, to ascend to her throne in Parma. HIs grandfather Franz treated him kindly; but he had always sacrificed him for the interests of State and would sacrifice him again, if the Chancellor [Metternich] so ordered. As for his uncles, aunts, and cousins of Austria, however well they might treat him, however generous they might be, as certain of them were, they could not— and this was natural— help seeing in him, first of all, the son of Napoleon.

He was born with an affectionate disposition. He had loved his father infinitely. With his mother he had been tender and gentle. He had adored Mme de Montesquiou and Fanny Soufflot. Now he was compelled to close his heart. Brought up by men, raised only by men, but still too much of a child to become a man, he turned inward, escaped into the little universe he had made for himself with his memories of former days. For as young as he was, he had no hope, and he did not know there was a future. He was going to grow up that way, not unhappy if one only looks at the material content of life, but if one thinks of the needs of the heart, certainly not happy. [Aubry pgs 97-98]

Count Dietrichstein decided that he was going to stamp all the Frenchness out of the Eaglet’s mind, for he must become 100% a Habsburg. Nothing but German would be spoken to him, and when he clung to speaking French, crying that he didn’t want to be a German, that he wished to be a Frenchman, he was chastised, deprived of play and outings, and then, with the Emperor Franz’s approval, actually whipped. Yes— he was whipped. When he was only five years old, because he wouldn’t speak German.

But when even that wouldn’t work, Marie Louise sat him on her knee and told him solemnly that he must speak German to please his grandfather, which finally did the trick. Not long after this, she went to the little court in Parma. She requested for her son  to go with her, but when Metternich refused, she acquiesced meekly.

Once so light-hearted and gay, the child became timid and mistrustful, and after the departure of his friends, the French women, and would lie to protect himself. In such cases he would be punished, not harshly, but not gently either. He shrank more and more into himself, accordingly, and since the world had grown hostile, he now began to offer it only a surface of indifference. [Aubry, pg 100]

He began to act out, destroying his copy books and mutilating his toys, but would also become sensitive to injustice or cruelty, like a dog being whipped or a bird eating a worm. He was told he would no longer be called Napoleon: he was to be called Franz. When he objected, he was “promptly silenced.” He became used to the name, and from here on out he was usually called Franz.

Franz still fought with Dietrichstein, who commented on his “laziness” and “ill will,” and his many quarrels with the prince, although he was happy to note in his letters to Marie Louise that it ended with “my victories.” Metternich had the boy closely followed, reports sent regularly and classified into a “ponderous file.” Meanwhile, his mother, off in Parma, when she wasn’t writing letters to her son exhorting him to pious obedience, made the feeblest attempt to defend the interests of the newly christened Franz— Franz was cut off from the succession of Parma after Metternich decided that this was in the best interests of the monarchy in Italy, Marie Louise was “readily brought into line by Neipperg, who owned her now body and soul.”

…She expressed herself as satisfied in a private letter of October, 1817:

“My son’s future has been determined. You know  that I was never ambitious for thrones or States for him, but hoped he would be the richest and most charming gentleman in Austria.”  [Aubry pg 110]

Meanwhile, Napoleon was kept on the island of St Helena, waiting for news from his son, but he heard not a word from his wife or a line from his son for six years. When he died, he was looking at Franz’s portrait, and left him many legacies, such as his books, engravings, papers, coffee service and the family house in Ajaccio, but Franz saw none of it. His mother, who was pregnant at the time with Neipperg’s son, didn’t even tell her son of his father’s death. She refused to accept Napoleon’s heart, which his will bequeathed her, because, as Aubry says, “she was more interested in the inheritance: she filed objection to the transfer of the six millions on deposit with Laffitte out of which the bequests of the Emperor were to be paid. She would not permit Marchand [Napoleon’s valet] to deliver to her at Parma Napoleon’s laces and the bracelet made of his hair.” Napoleon even begged her to take his last physician, Dr Antommarchi, into her service: she refused to even meet with him, palming the doctor off on Neipperg, who glad-handed Antommachi and pushed him out the door when he started asking too many questions about Franz.

Louise did moan about Napoleon’s suffering on St Helena while she was giving birth to Neipperg’s child, but she promptly forgot it. “She was a weak and frivolous soul. She would have grieved longer over her pet parrot, Marguerite. She even expressed astonishment that Madame Mere should have asked the British government for Napoleon’s body.” [Aubry pg 120]

One of the junior tutors named Foresti was given the task to tell the ten year old Franz that his father was dead.

The child began to weep and he wept a long time, doubtless calling up in his memory the pale face which had softened to such tenderness whenever it drew near his own. He sat down near the window, his cheeks, and his hands that covered them, wet with tears. Foresti himself was deeply moved and tried to comfort him. But the child did not hear him. [Aubry pg 122]

As Prokesch, his best friend of his short adult life, put it later:

“The prince wept for a whole day, almost without stopping. Then, suddenly, he mastered his emotions, dried his eyes, rose and paced the floor up and down. Not a word came from his lips. And several weeks passed before he alluded  to his father’s death. He felt he must keep his grief to himself.”

Meanwhile, Franz was now thinking in German, but he still rebelled against his teachers, who, for years, beat him with the ferule (a type of paddle that resembled a long and large wooden spoon, the circular head often pierced with holes, and sometimes as large as a child’s head)— his grandfather the Emperor authorized “great severity” against him when he was being “stubborn”— but this stopped when it was clear beatings no longer had any affect. Except for brief months of pleasure during summer vacations at the castle of Persenbeug where Marie Louise deigned to leave Parma, Franz, who was completely without friends, was kept in solitude. He responded by withdrawing into himself and going into a fantasy world.  

He dreamed, and gained freedom by dreaming. As a small boy he loved to play: now that he was growing up, it was still what he liked to do best. Never did child love to dream more than he: that escape from time, from responsibilities, from disappointments, that journey without end, where ideas, colors and forms mingled according to one’s fantasy! As soon as he could flee the watchful care of Foresti or of Collin, instead of working at his translations, his themes, or his arithmetic exercises, he would open the huge gilt-edged volumes given to him on his birthdays by his grandfather or the Archdukes and leaning his head on his hand, began to dream with his eyes upon the awkward, rather ridiculous illustrations of those days, in which one could see beplumed generals prancing besides their armies with spent cannonballs lying at their horses’ feet, while down in one corner an aide-de-camp would be reading an order and in the other an almoner kneeling besides a stretcher to confess a dying soldier.

Sometimes, bending low over an atlas, he would travel in spirit far out over the blue seas to the continents bordered in loud colors. One day, Matthias Collin came into the room and found him, with his cheek resting on a map. The little prince did not get up at his approach. His teacher thought he was asleep. But on going towards him, he saw the child’s eyes were wide open. The boy gave a start of surprise and blushed. He had been dreaming. Collin was more indulgent than Foresti. He did not punish him. [Aubry pg 132]

* * *

More to come in part two!

[loopy777]

RE: WIPs game: Actress Mai. what is she acting in? besides her ongoing starring role as Repressed Perfect Child?

Ah, "Actress Mai." This is a headcanon I keep chipping away at in the hopes that I'll eventually have something I want to publish. I have a whole host of little ideas and scene concepts, but only one actual WIP.

It started with the idea that Zuko and Ursa are theater snobs. Sure, Ursa apparently attended Ember Island Player performances, which Zuko disdained, but my thought is that she took what she could get in terms of live theater with her family even if she agreed with his criticisms. However, I like to headcanon that Mai loves the Ember Island Players, hates classical theater, and generally is the type of person who thinks that Michael Bay movies are great and more people should just turn off their brains and allow themselves to be entertained.

Why?

Well, because character conflict is what makes stories interesting. Zuko gritting his teeth through Mai's praise of how the EIPs finally made "Love Amongst the Dragons" interesting? Gold! Ursa and Mai getting into heated drunken arguments about theater styles? Gold! Mai convincing Kiyi of the good points of the controversial 'Love Amongst the Dragons II: Love Harder' (which is canon to at least two of my Maiko fics) while Zuko and Ursa grit their teeth? Solid gold!

This fun little conflict turned into something more, though. If Ursa and Mai are dark mirrors of each other in terms of theater tastes, then it felt like Mai needed a little acting history to parallel Ursa's own. But Ursa could be a publicly known actress because she was a peasant; such a profession was okay for her. Mai is a noble, though, and an acting job would be seen as beneath her, especially as a woman, as Polite Fire Society knows (or thinks it knows) that 'actress' is really just a polite term for prostitute. This is a takeoff from some real-life history stuff that I first learned of through Sherlock Holmes stories. Apparently, Irene Adler being an 'opera singer' was a thing British readers would recognize as being of a sordid nature.

So I decided that Mai did some secret, illicit acting anonymously during her childhood and teenage years. She stumbled across an opportunity, gave it a try, and found it fulfilling despite the social stigma. She liked being able to project emotions of all kinds in public, while at the same time shielded by masks or makeup or costumes or whatever. She liked being other people, people who find love with their heroes or die tragically to teach everyone a point or villainously ruin everything around them as a force of vengeful nature. It was the only opportunity for expression that she had, as well as a quiet form of rebellion. So for years she snuck out of the capital, down to Harbor City, and acted in all kinds of plays for a troupe that accepted not paying her as a fair trade for keeping her anonymous.

Naturally, moving to Omashu put a crimp on that, and so it ended.

So the idea is that Ursa eventually learns this about Mai after years of their butting heads over theater opinions, sees the parallels and perpendiculars in their lives, and grudgingly comes to respect Mai's completely wrong opinions about theater as at least being informed. And Mai, who is good at acting and does know the classics and would be wasted in the Ember Island Players, helps Ursa out with some plays she writes (still anonymous, although Zuko and Ursa know) even though Mai privately thinks the dialogue is too stilted and the stories kind of cliched.

But I have had trouble beating all of this into a proper story. I want to do flashbacks to Mai on stage, I want to show her conflict with Ursa, I want to reveal how Ty Lee found out and used that to get Mai to accept running away to the circus, I want Zuko's reaction to finding that his wife can recite soliloquies from all the major classics, I want Kiyi becoming an Ember Island Players groupie, etc. It's just missing a plot to hang it all on.

So here's a snippet of one of my attempts to construct something:

Noren grimaced. "Honestly, I was impressed we got enough people to fill out all the parts, never mind understudies. This play-"

"-is important," Ursa finished for him.

He hesitated just a moment before nodding. "And it's important for the same reasons that it was tough to get actors. I'm sure once Zuko sees it and can give it his official approval-"

"But he can't see anything without a Rinzen." Ursa thought about her son out there in the audience, anonymous amidst the 'peasants' of Hira'a. Zuko didn't mind mixing with his people, despite being their Lord, but the only reason he was here, tonight, was because Ursa herself had written the play, and he was a good son who would always support his mother.

Zuko had even brought his friends, including the Avatar. Aang was a delightful young man, and always very nice to Ursa, but she couldn't help but feel trepidation at his presence. After all, Avatar Roku, Ursa's grandfather and Aang's previous life, was a major character in this play, and while the story was based on real events, it was Ursa's hand that had shaped his dialogue and actions. She was putting her thoughts and philosophies, her very heart, out on the stage for public assessment, and this was tricky material. Would it do right by history?

Plus the lead actress was sick, and going by her complaints and the smell of the privy, perhaps dying.

Ursa had to tell herself that her audience, her friends and family and neighbors, wouldn't enjoy this play becoming a disaster. None of them were that bad. This wasn't the Capital. And she wasn't a princess. Not anymore.

So why had she taken it on herself to write this play, to positively dramatize a story of an ancestor who a few years ago was considered a heretic and traitor, to will into being a performance right here in the Fire Nation of a play that featured a heroic Air Nomad character whose actress was currently trapped in the privy?

Because her nation had hurt the world, and she wouldn't leave it to her son alone to do all the work of helping to fix that. That's why.

"Maybe," she ventured, "I could play the part."

Noren frowned. "You? But you're playing the Lady of Glass, and the characters share several scenes."

But Ursa was already analyzing the copy of the script that existed in her mind. "Rinzen has a lot more lines than the glass spirit, and I'm the only one who knows them. And playing a spirit is a lot easier than playing an Air Nomad. A spirit is just a voice, a costume, and some special effects. An Air Nomad character is a performance, and we're fresh out of actresses."

Noren's head tilted from side to side. "We could ask Kiyi. She knows the play by heart. She's a bit young for the part, yes, but-"

"No," Ursa cut him off. "She'd say yes if we asked her, but she hates being on stage. I'm not going to do that to her. I'd rather call off the play and see if our Rinzen is feeling better tomorrow."

Noren blanched at the very thought and made a gesture of good luck. "Well, maybe we can find a new Lady of Glass. And adjust the Rinzen costume. So are you thinking we'll just go on stage and ask the crowd who wants to join the cast, or maybe-"

And then there was a shift behind Noren, the red curtain over the office's doorway being pulled aside to reveal a living shadow. It seemed to Ursa that a chill had entered the room.

Lady Mai, Intended to Fire Lord Zuko, had arrived.

Ursa stiffened as Mai stepped into the office and let the curtain fall back into place. Time and familiarity had not made it any easier to be in a room with her son's lover. She had no real doubts about Mai, no resentment over the early difficulties Zuko that had apparently been overcome, but it was hard to reconcile Azula's shy and dour childhood companion with what existed now. Mai walked around covered with knives, watching everything; she never spoke unless there was an explicit need, but her gaze was always focused and her eyes missed nothing.

And it was in Mai's kind of silent, watchful abyss that Judgement grew. Ursa did not have a good feeling about how Mai likely judged her. How could a child of the Fire Nation's capital, someone who had become strong alongside Azula, a world-class warrior whose last stand for the life of her lover was already the subject of at least one popular poem, have any empathy for Ursa's life or the mistakes she had made?

Mai looked at her with dull eyes. "Is everything okay? The crowd is getting restless, and Zuko was worried. I told him I'd check on things so that he wouldn't miss the beginning of the play."

Ursa hesitated against that flat, low voice, and Noren stepped in to answer, "Our lead actress is sick. Ursa and I were just discussing options. There- uh, there aren't a lot of them."

Mai might as well have been told that dinner was planned to include green sprouts, but they were all out and so the yellow ones would be substituted. "Which part?"

Ursa swallowed. "The Air Nomad girl, Rinzen."

Mai quirked an eyebrow. "The heroine." She was still and silent for a long moment, and then sighed. "Zuko's really been looking forward to this. I guess I can help out. All right, I'll be your Rinzen."

Ursa wasn't quite sure she had heard that right. "You- you want to take the part? But-" Her voice faltered, as all the possible objections swirled through her mind. Mai was, to put it simply, completely lacking in charisma and non-threatening presence. She spoke without emotion. She moved so efficiently that no one in the back of the audience would even notice her. And she was so disinterested in everything that she'd probably nod off in the middle of the performance.

Noren offered a troubled smile. "Thank you for the offer, but acting is harder than it looks. It's not just about going on stage and reciting lines. An actress needs-"

"It's Nomad part, right?" Mai shrugged. "So we want a high, bright voice. Circular gestures. A bounce in all the movements. Here, like this." She stretched out her arms, shook her head, and then-

-and then-

-and then Mai was no longer there. The woman in red and black looked like her, but there was a wide mischievous smile on her face, and her eyes were big and bright. She stepped towards Ursa- no, they weren't mere steps. She kicked her heels high with each one, and the way she shifted her weight flirted with almost being a dance. She held her arms up at her side as she moved, and then when she reached Ursa, swung them dramatically to bring her hands together into a sign of respect.

She bowed, and in a voice that positively rang and filled the room, said, "Are you not the Firebender Avatar, Roku? What a fortunate wind blows to lay my path upon your own!" She rose again, and trotted in a circle around Ursa. "I say, you are taller than I expected, and must be quite heavy. Are you sure you're keeping up with your Airbending, young Avatar?" She raised a hand and held it out to the side.

Noren recovered before Ursa did, realizing what was going on, and quickly found a rag and placed in the waiting hand.

Mai's eyes never left Ursa the whole time, and as soon as the rag was in her grip, she moved again, taking a stance that had clearly been modeled on Avatar Aang's own style, and held the rag out in front of her, dangling it from her fingers and bouncing it in the air.

Mai gave a laugh that was echoed through the little room. "Your beard flutters in my breeze! Come, young Avatar, let's have a spar!"

There was a beat, and Ursa was tempted to deliver Roku's next line in response, but then all at once the younger woman slumped, letting the grandness leak out of her limbs. When she straightened, Mai was back, standing like a blade made of shadow, her face blank and her eyes dull.

Ursa blinked. What had she just witnessed? So many questions swirled in her mind, and she decided to ask the most important of them: "You know all the lines?"

[jacepens]

1: HamilTurn(you can differentiate if needed) or MCU, 2: Washette, 3: Anna Strong

And generally a fandom list would be nice to know what to pick from ;) (Love you♡)

You said HamilTurn or MCU and I say both, I'm going to try my best haha. But anyway, thank you!:) Apologies in advance if this gets rambly, but that's the point of this right? Anyway, for ease of scrolling sake, I'll probably put a cut if this gets long but don't worry, it's just me talking a whole bunch lol. Ok, thank you again!! <3 (love you too!)

1. Hamilton/Turn (fandom)

Favorite character: I have to say Lafayette for both. Oh and Mary

Least favorite character: I have no real reason behind this so sorry but Burr, and Simcoe for many reasons

5 favorite ships: washette, lams, hamliza, benwash, whamilton

Character I find most attractive: ...all. But I have to say overall Brian Wiles as Lafayette. That face just…🥺

Character I would marry: Mary Woodhull or Eliza

Character I would be best friends with: you know I'm not sure, but in an ideal world Lafayette (both versions) or Ben but I feel like we wouldn't be best friends. But also everyone, is that an option? Even some of the "villains" would have good stories to tell

A random thought: I feel like most people in the fandom now are so new (they joined in with the movie release!) and unaware of the uh atrocities of back in the day. And y'all are lucky, but those of us who know. Know. (yes, I was unbearable but that's ok because I was having fun, and despite what I just said: have fun in your fandoms even if you're "unbearable", just keep it welcome to all and enjoy the enthusiasm you have for it:))

An unpopular opinion: Oh boy. Maybe stop making quick judgments about people based on what they write/who they ship? There is a line, but I've genuinely never seen it crossed by anyone at least openly sooo just let people have fun? And don't say anything about something? Unless it's actually harmful but even then, keep it to a dm or something and have an open discussion. Just let people vibe, please? Especially younger fans. Just, I’ve seen a weird amount of negativity towards them. They’re kids having fun, we all used to be like that so please, be kind and patient. They’ll learn if they make a mistake. Ok? Ok cool:) (maybe not unpopular but still I wanted to say it)

My canon OTP: Am I allowed to say lams?

My non-canon OTP: washette, wow, who would've guessed? xD

Most badass character: Mary my beloved

Most epic villain: Robert Rogers hands down

Pairing I am not a fan of: no one murder me, but in general I'm just not a fan of jamilton. also whatever was the deal with Anna and Abe

Characters I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): um. Where to begin? Honestly I think every woman in Turn at one point or another, except perhaps Peggy in my opinion. Oh but especially Anna. Also Simcoe. With Hamilton, probably again everyone at some point, but the way Angelica was written just feels so overwhelmingly fictional it bugs me. (But at least Hamilton had some genuine relationships between women, not great but still)

Favorite friendship(s): Ben and Caleb, Washington and Lafayette (what?? yes, you fools. lol). It may sound a tad ~cringey~ but I generally like Hamilton's vibe with the boys, maybe it's just the gender envy, but it's kinda cute and fun.

Character I most identify with: well jeez, I won't lie but Washington. In both versions, except god knows I could never be that chill. Also a dash of Laurens.

Character I wish I could be: wow what a loaded question ummm. I don't want to be like him, but I want to be like in his position so Hamilton lol. Playing an active role but I know personally I am not cut out for a battlefield, so a desk suits me well.

2. MCU (fandom-that I am so out of date from, please take all of this with a grain of salt)

Favorite character: so when I was younger it was Tony Stark but now it’s definitely Wanda and T’challa

Least favorite character: ummm. I genuinely couldn’t tell you, I’m very out of date

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): wandavision, …ngl I can’t think of anymore, I honestly never shipped many and wandavision was like the only couple I remember really liking. Oh, I don’t know them but Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie

Character I find most attractive: embarrassing confession time, Loki was my first bad celebrity crush. Wanda now and Shuri is cute. Also Sylvie

Character I would marry: if I could, Wanda 

Character I would be best friends with: Vision and Peter Parker

A random thought: y’all it’s been so long since I’ve touched MCU I should catch up/refresh shouldn’t I?

An unpopular opinion: I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but I’m going to say it anyway. Personally, I really don’t like the movie Civil War, I think it’s what sorta made me disinterested in mcu. It’s been years since I’ve watched it so maybe I would have a completely different opinion if I saw it today, but at the time it just felt so...wrong? And childish? I literally don’t even remember why they were fighting or how that movie even ended (I feel like it just wasn’t satisfying??) but I think also, as a kid or teen watching that, it reminded me sooo much of the dumb drama that, you know, kids get into. I mean, getting your friends on someone’s side like that?? Like, I know they were mad but- but there are other ways of dealing with emotions??? And involving everyone's friends too? So yeah, it just felt off to me at the time, and looking back now, from what I remember, it just frustrated me. Especially as a kid who deals with dumb drama like that all the time, kids would want to see a better example especially from adult superheroes or at least not be reminded of the bs they have to go through sometimes. But, rant over, that’s all just my opinion:) 

My canon OTP: wandavision

My non-canon OTP: ummm. I guess just Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie lol

Most badass character: I have to say Natasha but actually there are many

Most epic villain: when I was younger I liked that Ultron was voiced by Robert California from the Office lol

Pairing I am not a fan of: I don’t know if it’s popular but I never liked Tony and Pepper. What happened with her?

Characters I feel the writers screwed up: I guess I’ll say Thor because I just felt such a weird difference in his personality that did not make sense to me

Favorite friendship: Wanda and Pietro!! Honestly I think a lot, there were a lot of good friendships but I can’t think of which ones are my favorite

Character I most identify with: ummmmmm. 

Character I wish I could be: My gut says Thor

3. Washette (ship-bless you<3 get ready for rambles oh no)

When I started shipping them: So I first had the thought in 7th grade while my history teacher was talking about them and my little brain went: haha that’s pretty gay. (teacher keeps talking about them) wait a fucking minute, that is pretty gay! But it wasn’t until I got sucked into Hamilton that I really started actively shipping them by reading fics and what not, but something about them became an instant favorite. And later (little personal story time) I pretty much completely stopped reading fic and being active in fandom for years and actually, when I got my first panic attack that - no joke - lasted for 5 hours, for some reason my brain (as it’s decaying lol) said I want to go and reread all my favorite washette fics and also do what I was I always too scared to do. Write!! So that night I binged the fics and found myself falling in love again, feeling all the old passion I had for them again, and the next night (still very shaken) I wrote an outline of a good ol washette confession + kiss that was extremely thoughtful and good, and honestly, I have not actually used that outline yet! Maybe I’m saving it. But yeah, this is a long answer, but I have a weird amount of attachment to them and this ship, I wish I knew why too. <3 

My thoughts: so many. Too many. First of all, I love that I have so many versions of them in my mind, right? When I started writing, I had never watched Turn but then I did and then it was like: hell yeah, another washette set. At this point, my brain has created it’s own unique version of them but it’s like, they’re so versatile! That’s one neat thing about this fandom as a whole, we get more than one character and personality and that’s just fun right?! More specifically on washette I mean, they’re just so sweet. Historically, their relationship is unique and cute, and you’d have to be a fool to think that to Washington Lafayette was just another friend. Even strictly platonically, it was something special and it’s so obvious I just love them. Ok. Enough thoughts for now <3

What makes me happy about them: the loooove, the comfort they found in each other, the fact that like every person at the time documenting them knew and understood they were special to each other like, they were just that in love. 

What makes me sad about them: oh so much that I try to ignore lol. There is the one year when Lafayette went to France and all his letters to Wash are like: “I have not received one letter from you, but it’s ok, I love you and I know you love me too :)” WHO WAS NOT DELIVERING THESE LETTERS, I HAVE NAMES, NOW I WANT ANSWERS. Anyway, also just most things that happened when Laf went back to France. And then when he visited America in 1824 and visited Washington’s grave. Yeah. ow. (also, you know what, I have done too much research on this event. lmk if you would like a post)

Things done in fanfic that annoy me: Generally, I’m not annoyed by much in fanfic at least with them and what I’ve seen. I’m still nostalgic for the old school nonbinary Laf fics, so it ain’t those. Literally maybe it’s because I’m starved for content but I can’t really think of anything, I love it all.

Things I look for in fanfic: back to the whole starved for content thing, I am a library of washette fics but I think if I was to pick a certain thing that I would love it’s just um fluff? And honesty, if that makes sense. Love confessions are very good as well. Canon era, please :) pining but not too much that it hurts me lol

My wishlist: literally all my wips. If I could whisk them into existence I could die happy and knowing I have put a variety of washette content in the world. Something else though, more fics :’) I love writing but sometimes I want to curl up with a cozy, new washette fic like a cup of hot chocolate and be surprised and learn something new and just..yeah:)

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: what. Ok but actually, Martha and Adrienne because they are both honestly perfect for them and I love them too (I’m going to be biased, especially Adrienne)

My happily ever after for them: Can Lafayette just move the family to America? But also, it’s sad, but like I know Laf would be sad in America while France suffers. So...maybe a world where things in France go better and Lafayette gets to visit Washington more often and bring the family!! (Washington visit France too??)

4. Anna Strong (character)

How I feel about this character: I like her! She’s fun and…strong (oops lol) and she’s made some mistakes sure, but I feel like she did her best to learn from them and move on

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly, I know they didn’t have a lot of interaction in the show but Anna/Mary has potential. And Anna/Edmund

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: her and Ben and Caleb

My unpopular opinion about this character: I really can’t think of anything unpopular

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: in general, her having more screen time with less men you know? I mean like one-on-one kind of scenes. Also I would’ve liked to see at least her and Selah talk. Like, really talk. They never really did that, right? I just have so many questions about them

Favorite friendship for this character: Anna and Ben

My crossover ship: I have no idea

And well, I know it’s been a few days but for a fandom list, I’m just a weeb lol but here

Octopath Traveler (my beloved)

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Star Wars

Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Persona 4

Zelda (to a point)

Pokémon

What We Do in the Shadows

Sailor Moon

Literally anything historical

Ok!! I tried to add a lot because I’m not sure what you might know or not haha. But thank you again!! I had fun <3

[cheryls-blossomed]

do you think arrowverse ships have a lot of drama?

I mean, it depends on the ship, I guess?

But in general, superhero television has sort of veered away from quote-unquote internal drama in romantic relationships, at least the kind that makes a couple very ~will they/won't they~, by nature. Part of it is that I feel like TPTB on superhero shows are less concerned with romance. Like fanboys want to whine about romance, but none of the current CW DCTV shows, for example, had the amount of romantic shake-ups and romantic drama that Smallville did back in the day, especially in its first six seasons or so.

Like ships on Arrow had far more internal relationship drama, and a lot of it indicative of TPTB on that show having zero idea how to write relationships.

I feel like Flash bucked the initial "trend", if you can call it that, because we're like... talking third show down the line, here, lol, but it was very clear it was Westallen from the start, and Barry and Iris weren't operating from a place of initial distance, so to speak. Like in Smallville, Clark and Lana weren't in the same social circles, Clark had a crush on Lana, but he kind of keeps his distance because "high school social hierarchy" (which like never made much sense because most characters were either in love with Lana or Clark or both of them) and also her kryptonite necklace. When Lois came in, the show used Clark and Lana’s ongoing will they/won’t they to also drag out Clois. Regarding Arrow, Laurel and Oliver are exes, and Laurel has a lot of rightful anger towards Oliver for the way he treated her and the fact that he cheated on her with her sister. But Flash, Barry and Iris don't have any so-called walls of inaccessibility. There's the fact that Barry keeps being the Flash a secret and the fact that he's been in love with her his whole life, but hasn't told her, but that doesn't really alter the fact that they're both absolutely committed to like constantly seeing each other and providing love and support to one another. Barry admits to Iris that he's in love with her, and she's still wiping ketchup off his lips, because she's in love with him also, but also because it doesn't change her comfort level with him after she processes what he's confessed.

Anyways, I'm being a bit tangential, but my point is that romantic drama in Flash was very minimal in comparison to the preceding shows that I had mentioned, and because Barry and Iris had such a powerful bond right from the beginning, from a story-telling standpoint, it made sense to just build on that, showcasing the story of their steadfast love. And given that Barry draws his strength and heroism from his love of Iris, portraying their love story as the gold standard is pure excellence. Like Westallen have had minimal internal relationship drama, the vast majority of it being in season 1, when they weren't officially together. When they have disagreements, they always come back to discuss them healthily and apologize and reaffirm their love for each other. Because that's what health couples in love do. So, the way Flash has kept stakes high, so to speak, is to like put them through the trauma of being dimensionally separated or having to find their way back to each other, when they are physically separated from one another. Which is meant to obviously strengthen their love story and demonstrate the lengths that they would go to get back to each other. After awhile though, it gets exhausting... like just let them be happy and stop putting them through the trauma of being physically separated constantly.

But I think the problem with Flash, quite frankly, is TPTB lacks interest in romance, hence why the vast majority of the secondary ships are as... poorly written as they are. Part of me is confused, because Flash has the most steadfast, iconic love story in Westallen, and yet theirs is the only love story that TPTB could write well. And the show is inherently romantic, because of how good Westallen’s love story is and how their love story anchors the show. But also TPTB have simultaneously shortchanged Westallen in terms of scenes that emphasize their romance, especially in the last few seasons. The vow renewal honestly felt like it was a scene from a different season, not season 7, because the last time we had that level of romance, where Westallen are together and happy and celebrating their love, was like... I cannot even remember.

Supergirl had a different approach, where after completely backtracking on James/Kara, who had a nice build-up in season 1, decided to pair Kara with Mon-El, but then backed out of that relationship. There was run-of-the-mill romantic drama for both ships, especially Kara and Mon-El, and simultaneously, time spent on these ships didn't demonstrate commitment in the writers' room. Subsequently, the choice was to just have Kara be single, and honestly, I chalk this up to the SG writers having zero interest in romance, certainly for Kara. Even with Brainy/Nia, while they have some sweet moments, I don't feel the investment in the writers' room to write for them. However, I do think the SG writers really care about Dansen; this season, especially, I feel that they have shown genuine investment in Kelly and Alex's love story, and I think that's why Dansen is essentially the central ship of SG. I think part of it is that Azie and Chyler really spun gold together, and the SG writers wanted to write more for Dansen, which is why we've gotten such a beautiful, consistent love story in Kelly and Alex.

Black Lightning... well, the BL writers did great with Jefferson and Lynn in season 1, in terms of building back their love story, and the electric kiss is still one of my favorite scenes, but then completely dropped the ball on that relationship. The writing for Jefferson and Lynn started focusing on their disagreements, many of which are demonstrative of two people who no longer loved each other. Only to turn around at the last minute and have Jefferson and Lynn get remarried, even though this was not earned, because the writers refused to continue building their love story and instead seemed to showcase the relationship falling apart. I adore Thundergrace, but the BL writers never gave Anissa and Grace their due. They didn't even properly focus on Anissa and Grace during their own wedding reception, and Thundergrace milestones were often rushed. When Anissa and Grace had a disagreement, the writers would not address it, and the next episode, it would be as if nothing had happened. I would argue that the love story that the BL writers showed the most investment in was Khalil and Jen in season 2, but a big reason for that was to be a catalyst for Jen coming into her powers in season 2B. Plus, while they had chemistry, I didn't ship it, because at the time, it wasn't a healthy relationship for Jen. But yeah, I would say the BL writers had a distinct disinterest in writing romance.

So yeah, I mean, I guess the bottom line is that it depends on the show and the ship, but I would say the trend lately is less romantic drama, but also less focus on romance, in general, on superhero television shows.

[ace-trainer-risu]

omg i would like to know the hated author...

OH thank you for asking I was. of course secretly deeply hoping someone would ask so I would have an excuse to go off. 

The author [dramatic pause] is VE Schwab!

Now I will pause (again) to say that I just spent like two hours writing a six page long essay on exactly why I dislike her as an author (I don’t know anything about her as a person so no feelings there) but then when I reread it I started to feel worried that it might hurt someone’s feelings who really likes her as an author, so this is a slightly redacted version.

But basically there are three things I hold against her.

For context, I’ve only actually read one book by her, A Darker Shade of Magic. But it’s not just that I didn’t like it. It’s that it left me angry. I read it a year ago and I still get furious when I think about it. It is, in my opinion, a profoundly toxic and hateful book. 

While at the same time also being a very boring and bland book.

So that’s point one) I just don’t get the hype. I read ADSM b/c I saw it recommended everywhere, but I really don’t get why? It’s not very well-written. Purely on a technical level her writing isn’t bad, but it’s not good either, its very...okay. The world building was really disappointing (it’s about four alternate worlds but they’re all almost. exactly the same. which was super disappointing. and also she seems to be under the illusion that london is like the most important place in the world?) The characters are bare minimum sketches, they basically feel like she came up with an initial concept and then never went any further. The characters aren’t particularly likeable or compelling, either, except for one character who...I felt like you weren’t actually supposed to like, lol. The pacing was actively bad. The plot doesn’t really start till around halfway through the book. I actually started ASDM twice and gave up on it the first time b/c it was boring. when I tried again the second time, I thought I had only read maybe the first quarter of it on the first try b/c I couldn’t remember anything happening, but it turned out I had actually read about half, its just that nothing happens in the first half. 

to be fair, I have read reviews of a different book she wrote which specifically praised the writing, so maybe she just did a shitty job on this book and she writes better in her other work?

point two) if you only pay attention to the text of the story, it’s fine! again, its not particularly compelling but its fine. but if you pay any attention to the subtext, its...really misogynistic and queerphobic. its incredibly pervasive through the whole text. 

for one thing, the female protagonist is introduced and is immediately like “Oh. I hate all other women.” (No one asked!) which is not necessarily bad in and of itself, except that...not only is her sexism never called out or contradicted, its actually actively supported by the text. there’s only one other important female character, and she’s Evil(TM), and also gets killed. the very few other female side characters are either someone’s mom or are portrayed as being extremely shallow and vapid and silly. they act exactly how the female protag despises women for acting. so...I don’t think its intentional but you’re left with this weird impression that the female protag is completely justified in her internalized misogyny b/c apparently all other women ARE bad. also, the female protag likes wearing boy’s clothes, which is great, but there’s this weird vibe that girls who don’t wear boy’s clothes are like, dumb and bad and sexist. I think the author is trying to critique repressive female clothing in the past (female character is from regency era england) but she does it really badly and instead accidentally(?) implies that girls who wear skirts are like. dumb sluts. a very weirdly sexist take. like it literally feels like this book hates women and specifically hates them for wearing “women’s” clothes.  *also not the point but it’s really funny that of all the time periods to critique for restrictive clothes, she picked regency england. ah yes, the torturous constraints of...empire waisted dresses and minimal or no corsets. dastardly! 

for another thing, the queer rep is just...so so bad. there’s one explicitly multisexual person (bi or pan isn’t specified but something along those lines) who gets tricked by a manipulative man older than himself heavily implied to be gay (bad) and gets horribly injured and almost dies (bad) basically just so the straight male protag can have angst (bad!). 

the manipulative guy implied to be gay is in turn being magically controlled by...a different! manipulative older man (bad) and is strongly implied to be sexually abused by that man (bad) and the straight main character literally never tries to help him in any way (bad) and ultimately kills(ish) him (bad) but it’s revealed that he basically chose to die (bad) because it was like, the only way he could ever escape his suffering (very bad!!) and the main character then! uses! his dying body! in a spell! to save his own fucking life! and basically disposes of his still alive! body into hell like he’s garbage (so bad I’m literally still fuming of it over a year later)

and then there’s the guy who is manipulating that guy, who is an older man heavily implied to serially abuse and assault teenage boys and young men (bad!!). he also dies too which is fine and good in and of itself...*

except for the fact that of our three queer-adjacent characters, two die and one is horribly injured and almost dies. two are abused and one is an abuser. two are used as angst-fodder for straight characters and one is literally sacrificed, coldly and selfishly and without his consent, to save a straight character’s life. they’re all closely associated with injury and death and trauma and abuse and it’s suggested that death is the only escape. 

subtextually speaking, this book hates queer men and punishes them for existing. 

*note: I want to specifically say that “enjoying abusing teen boys” does not automatically make a person gay or queer. that’s not what being gay/queer means. HOWEVER, there is a long and ugly history of gay men being portrayed as predators who deliberately prey on and abuse younger men, and this character plays directly into that stereotype, and that is why I included him. not b/c he’s positive queer rep but exactly because he isn’t

thirdly) about a year ago there was a bit of buzz about ve schwab writing a book with a canon asexual character...except I looked into it and a) it’s not actually canon at all; the book only says he’s disinterested in sex, which is by NO MEANS the same and it’s shitty to conflate the two when there’s a vast spectrum of asexual experiences (to be clear, it would be one thing if the text said he was asexual AND disinterested in sex. to say he’s disinterested in sex and that equals asexuality is a whole other thing, and is wrong), and schwab then confirmed on her twitter that he’s meant to be asexual. That’s not the same its not the same and we all know its not the same. b) this character is in fact a villain, which is frustrating when asexuality is FREQUENTLY and harmfully associated with people being heartless and unfeeling and evil and like, literal serial killers; to be fair, as I understand it the majority (all?) of the characters in these books are villains, so that’s less bad, but to be fair again, apparently this specific character is also portrayed as being, like “a sociopath” which is ableist AND goes back to all the stuff I said above. and c) what really annoys me is that in her tweets at the time she was very smug about this and fully patted herself on the back. she did half-assed, unresearched “rep” which wasn’t even actually canon and then acted like she was doing ace ppl a favor. excuse me, I didn’t actually ask to be represented by you. 

SO YEAH that’s not the...medium and short of it. the long and short is reserved for a Cursed(TM) google doc filled with my rage. but the tl;dr is that I think she’s an overhyped writer who wrote a profoundly misogynistic, homophobic book and trumps herself up over rep she didn’t actually do a good job of providing. and I would definitely never read another one of her books. The End!

[tmariea]

New Constellations (ch 2)

Chapter 2 of my ATLA Big Bang piece!!

Read Chapter 1 here

Chapter summary:  Turns out, even after Zuko's lost his ship, navigation skills still come in handy. The myths just might come in handy too. After all, there's more than one type of finding your way.

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Zuko hated everything about traveling as a fugitive in the Earth Kingdom, and having parted from Uncle made it even worse, although he’d never say it aloud.  He hated the plants that were all different from back home and made his head feel like it was full to bursting.  He hated that there wasn’t much food to forage for, and wasn’t much left after the winter and the army’s requisitions (stealing) to buy.

He hated the nights too; they weren’t mild like back home, but downright cold.  Worst of all, as the landscape grew more arid the further he traveled, and it only got colder at night despite the warm days.  While his breath of fire could manage the cold, it left him with a weariness sunk deep into his bones.

Uncle was probably sitting close to a nice, crackling fire, making tea.  Hopefully not with anything that could kill him this time, because Zuko just couldn’t always be there to tell him not to drink tea made of strange plants.  Unlike Zuko, Uncle Iroh had always been a proper firebender; he’d had no unnatural pull toward the nighttime.

This time, Zuko had little choice.  Traveling by the stars was the only way he knew how to navigate in this unknown place.  He had no compass or astrolabe, not even charcoal or good paper to write on for his calculations.  As much as he hated to admit it, the only thing he had left to his name were Zhu Yan’s stories and a map he had haggled with his last coin like his life depended on it.  He hardly even trusted the map.

For days now, Zuko had been heading northwest towards Ba Sing Se, ever since he left Lee’s village.  He knew that the Avatar needed to find an earthbending master next, and what better place to find one than the capital city of the Earth Kingdom?  Even if Zuko didn’t trust the map completely, the city was so large that, if it was even close to accurate, he wouldn’t miss it.

There was a desert in the way, though, and if Zuko couldn’t find enough provisions to last him the crossing, he’d never make it.  He looked up at the sky with a sigh, wishing the constellation stories had some more concrete answers to them, like “what to do when you are a broke, exiled Fire Nation Prince chasing the Avatar with several hundred miles of sand in your way?”  Instead of magical solutions written in the stars, he caught sight of the Lion Turtle constellation.

Zuko could almost hear Zhu Yan’s voice in his head telling the story: they were great islands that swam across every sea.  They swam until mortals no longer needed them to provide a safe home.  Some settled down, growing tired and weary and stony in their old age, and became the first stationary islands.  Some, though, were too young and restless, too eager to keep exploring, and those lion turtles swam off the edge of the world and into the sky.

“The world is round,” Zuko had told him flatly. “There is no edge.”

Zhu Yan had chuckled, lamented Zuko’s inability to simply enjoy a story, and then said, “The Lion Turtle is a tricky constellation.  Be careful when you choose to follow it—it’s been known to lead you where you need to go, but not always where you want to go.”

Zuko had scoffed at that, too.  While constellations weren’t static, he had learned well that they followed set patterns in the sky, by the night and the month and the season.  He knew all the calculations, knew that you could use a map and your instruments to know exactly where you would end up by following one constellation or another.  And yet tonight, with his head as empty of ideas as his stomach was of food, it felt as if there was hardly anything left but to chase a spirit tale.

Zuko closed his left eye so he could trace the curve of the strong, individual stars that made the Lion Turtle’s shell, the small cluster at its head, and the fuzz of tiny, far away lights just above its back that almost looked like an island forest obscured by morning fog.  He pulled on the ostrich-horse’s reins and turned her in a new direction.

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Zuko could feel the heat forming behind his eyes as he stormed away from the prison tower.  He hadn’t wanted Uncle to tell him he had another potential destiny as the descendant of an Avatar.  Now, more than ever, he felt torn between home and the position in his father’s regard he’d fought so hard to gain, and the part of him that had seen the wider world and found his old views childish and wanting.

Once he’d reached a reasonable distance from the building that he wouldn’t be easily spotted, Zuko found a flat spot obscured by an outcropping of stone and began to pace.  Everything about him was restless and wound tight these days.  Being home was supposed to be a relief, but it hadn’t felt anything like that at all.

The story about Sozin and Roku that Zuko had found had not been helpful.  Uncle had not been helpful.  He couldn’t ask Mai about any of this; she was loyal to Azula, and he couldn’t ask her to deal with his insecurities.  What prince of the Fire Nation, heir to the throne, doubts his country and his people?

He hadn’t heard that sneering voice in his head in a long time; not since he was first on his ship, frightened and set an impossible mission.  

Thinking of those early days on the ship reminded him of one other person in his life who had been a teacher.  Zhu Yan loved stories and history and tradition; maybe he would have some kind of insight.  Zuko pushed down a cringe of guilt that he hadn’t sought any of his original crew members from before the explosion, other than knowing that Zhao had requisitioned them to other ships for the ill-fated Invasion of the North.  The navy kept good records, he should be able to find that information easily now.

Zuko turned and headed towards the edge of the caldera instead of back to the palace.  The naval headquarters were down the other side of the mountain, near the shore.  His status should be enough to entitle him to the name and route of the ship Zhu Yan was stationed on.  Then he could send a hawk explaining his troubles and maybe get some real advice.  He chose not to acknowledge the fact that Zhu Yan had been just as known to answer a question with a cryptic story as Uncle was to do with a cryptic proverb.

He crested the lip of the stone formation and started down the switchbacks along the cliffside, pleased at the exertion after so many days of palanquin rides.  The crunch of his footsteps found a rhythm with the rush of the waves further in the distance and the gulls calling overhead.

It was even easy enough to walk around once Zuko reached the military base.  Wearing the nondescript clothing he usually did to visit the prison tower, he didn’t draw attention like he would in his royal robes.  Sailors were businesslike, and they had better things to do than to try to see the face under his hood when the guards had already let him through the gate.

Zuko made his way towards the building where naval records would be kept, and lowered his hood as he approached the door.  The man standing guard looked surprised to see him, but bowed and allowed him to pass.  Inside was a small open space between rows and rows of shelves, with another officer at a writing desk who stood as Zuko entered.

“Prince Zuko,” the man said, showing no reaction to the sudden appearance of a member of the royal family at his desk as he bowed.  “I am Corporal Iwao. How can I be of service?”

“Corporal, I am searching for a particular naval officer and the name of the ship he is currently serving on. A Lieutenant Zhu Yan.  He was stationed with the fleet under Commander Zhao at the North Pole, last I was aware.”  Zuko did his best to keep his disdain for Zhao off of his face.

“One moment, your highness,” Corporal Iwao told him and disappeared into the shelves with a bow.

He was gone for so long that by the time he returned, Zuko was sure he had memorized every inch of the small front area.  Corporal Iwao was carrying a large scroll which he set out on the desk and began to unroll.  Zuko tried to read the title at the top, hoping it would be the name of a ship he recognized.  The bottom dropped out of his stomach as he recognized the characters for “casualties.”

The man studiously ran his finger down the list until he reached the name ‘Zhu Yan – deceased’ so that Zuko could see for himself.  There were other characters which followed, detailing the campaign and date of death, but Zuko’s mind couldn’t absorb any of it.  

“My apologies your highness, but the officer in question was killed in action during the Siege of the North.  Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

“No, thank you,” Zuko said.  He couldn’t feel the words on his lips, could hardly hear them as he spoke.

The walk back to the palace was one step and one step and one step, on and on, with hardly a thread of memory to connect each to the one before it.  Zuko pushed open doors and barely registered the pressure against his skin, heard the bustle around him as if he was underwater.  When he reached the hallway to his room, there was someone waiting for him just outside the door.  He knew he should be upset about it, but trying to reach for the emotion only opened a yawning hole in its place.

“Zuzu, there you are!  I was starting to get worried.  Where have you been?” Azula said ‘worried’ like it was foreign word, and her expression was disinterested as she examined her nails.

This wasn’t the first time that Zuko just stared at his sister, unsure how to handle what this next game of hers would be.  He didn’t even have space for normal thought, much less what it would take to keep up.  

“I went for a walk,” he finally said.

“Fairly long walk.  Someone less trusting than me might not believe that.”

He didn’t feel anything as she spoke.  Not even the parts of him that were always afraid of her.  “Please go.”

“Is it so wrong to let my brother know that I care?” she asked, and then finally looked up.  There must have been something in Zuko’s face that Azula wasn’t expecting, because surprise slipped out from beneath her perfect porcelain mask.  Zuko could count the number of times he’d seen that happen on one hand, and if he had any capacity for it he would feel rather pleased with himself.

Azula examined him for a moment more and Zuko let her, standing still, feeling like the ability to even move was an ocean away.  Finally, she let out a frustrated huff and turned to leave.

Zuko pushed open the final door, had only enough presence of mind to lock it behind him, and sank down onto his bed facing the open window.  As the sun traveled across the sky, and shadows grew longer and then overtook the world, Zuko stayed in one place, only silence in his mind.

The next time he moved was out to his balcony after night had fallen.  The air was heavy with humidity and heat, almost nothing like the cool sea breezes from the nights that he practiced navigation with Zhu Yan on deck.  Zuko sat with his back to the railing, arms around his knees, and that is when the tears came.  Silent and slow and unending, until every star above his head bled into one.

Zhu Yan had loved the Fire Nation.  But in all the time Zuko had known him, he had never spoken about loving the war.  He couldn’t remember either, if he had ever asked.  But without anyone ever asking, and in fact against all Zuko’s protests, he had always shared how much he loved the fires in the sky, and stories that had been thought inconsequential for generations.

He had died for another man’s vanity.  Zuko had seen first-hand the aftermath at the North Pole.  There had been nothing gained there, no greatness the Fire Nation brought with them to bestow on the rest of the world.

He’d never hear Zhu Yan tell a story again.

How many other battlefields had been the same?  He knew so many people now, too, with voices they would always miss.  Would it be easier to count which battlefields had not left behind such pointless loss?

He’d never see Zhu Yan smile for something so small as when Zuko would listen without complaint.

Zuko thought back on the history he had read, of how even the start of the war had been for pride and had left friends lost in its wake.

He’d never again stand together with Zhu Yan on a deck beneath the stars while the world stretched wide before them.  Never get the chance to voice that he had started to hope that someday the world could look so wondrous to him too.

He wondered if perhaps that was his answer.

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When Zuko left the Fire Nation palace after the Day of Black Sun, he was far more prepared than when he had left Uncle behind on the edges of the desert.  Tucked away in the basket of his war balloon, he had plenty of rations, as well as an astrolabe, maps and star charts that he had lifted from the palace.  Of the things Zuko had stolen in his life, these were marked firmly in the ‘do not regret’ category.

After a few hours of following the Avatar and his party at a safe distance, Zuko had a pretty good idea of where they were headed.  Which was a good thing because by sunset his slower balloon had fallen considerably behind.  He lost sight of them just after the last light left the sky.

Zuko checked that the fire in the furnace was still burning steadily and dug his navigation tools from his packs.  There wasn’t much space to lay out a map in the bottom of the basket, but he made do as best as he could and crouched in the tiny amount of space that was left to start plotting a course towards the Western Air Temple.

It was ironic, Zuko thought, that the constellation which he followed tonight, the one who would lead him west, back to the first air temple he’d ever set foot in, was Siming.  The stories described them as softly beautiful spirit, who lived in the golden clouds at sunset and gathered every drifting soul into their arms as the day came to a close and sheltered them until dawn when they would prepare to enter into life anew.  Their constellation resembled a coiled fishing net.  Zuko had never touched a fishing net in real life, or one woven by the spirits.  If he chose to believe the stories, Zhu Yan had touched the net from the legend now.

Zuko took a long breath in, felt his fire rise up in his chest and released another blast of it into the furnace that was keeping him aloft.  He did not know if this is truly what happened after death, that every lost soul was scooped into a fishing net in the sky at sunset.  But Zhu Yan had believed, so for tonight at least Zuko chose to believe that his mentor had gotten one brief night to rest among the constellations that he had loved.

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The sun was setting over the Western Air Temple.  Dusk always made Zuko feel just a bit hazy, like he wanted to go curl up and savor the last patch of light like a pygmy-puma, and it had slowed Aang’s firebending energy significantly.  They had just finished practice for the day and were sitting on a ledge of the temple, legs dangling down into open air, to watch the sunset.

Aang kicked his legs idly, languid little bits of breeze trailing off of his feet and making the mists below swirl.  “Hey, this is probably a bit of a sensitive question, so feel free to not answer, but how did you do it?  You know, keep firebending after...?”

“After what?” Zuko asked.

Aang wouldn’t meet his eyes, but waved a hand in the direction of his scar. Zuko’s back tensed and he drew in a breath to yell – He was a firebender, the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation, how could he do any less?   How could Aang imply he was so dishonorable as to turn his back on his bending, on his nation and heritage, on the brilliant light they were tasked to bring to the rest of the world? – And let the breath back out, sat on the impulse like Uncle was always telling him to do.  Asked himself if those were his own thoughts, or just Ozai’s thoughts left in his head.

Which was probably even more the heart of what Uncle had wanted him to do.  Zuko sent up a silent prayer to the spirits to let him tell Uncle someday that he was sorry for learning the lesson too late.

He said to Aang, “Work, lots of it.  And not the kind of work you do by practicing firebending forms, but the kind of work that takes telling your heart over and over again that it doesn’t need to be afraid, even when it wants to be.”

“Wow,” Aang replied, “that’s pretty anticlimactic.  Sounds like you just had to have a lot of patience.” He had a mock frown on his face that Zuko had learned meant good-natured teasing.  So Zuko only elbowed him a little in the side while Aang dissolved into laughter.

“I have tons of patience! But, if you want something a little more exciting, just wait.”

“Okay. Whatever you say, Sifu Hotman.”

Zuko spared him an exaggerated eye roll as he turned back to watch the sun dip below the horizon and the sky grow steadily darker. Behind them he could hear the sounds of someone starting a fire and beginning to cook dinner, and some faint conversation. Beside him Aang was doing his level best to prove that he had plenty of patience, and only fidgeted a little.

Finally, when enough stars had come out, Zuko gestured overhead and said, “Every star up there is Agni’s brothers and sisters and siblings.  The whole sky is full of fire, fire that we can’t touch or feel.  But when we use the fire that Agni grants us, it’s as if we’re just a bit closer.”

“Wow,” Aang breathed out, looking suitably impressed.

“A good friend taught me all of the stories he knew.  Would you like to hear them?”

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Thank you all so much for reading!! And make sure to check out @cianidix ‘s fabulous artwork if you haven’t already!!!

[ckret2]

do you have any tips on writing ace/aro characters, so that they come off as natural n not forced?

I'm gonna assume you're coming at this from a non-ace/aro perspective, so like, lemme give a super simple quick-and-dirty trick, and then I'll give you a couple of caveats to it. Also every time I say ace/aro in this post I mean "ace&aro OR ace OR aro." The example I'm using for this trick is more ace-oriented but like, apply the same mental exercise to romance. Here we go, here's the trick:

Pretend you're writing inside the mind of an adult character in a series aimed at little kids.

On the surface that sounds terrible I know, but bear with me while I explain it.

If you're watching, like, Sesame Street? There are adult characters running around. Various humans, Oscar the Grouch, Bert and Ernie, etc.

None of these characters think about fucking.

Like, ever.

I know, this concept is jarring, because Oscar is clearly a freak, and we all have headcanons about Bert and Ernie—but like, realistically speaking, they live inside a show aimed at preschoolers, and therefore they never think about fucking. They think about taxes, they think about repairing broken home appliances, they think about the state of the environment, they think about great works of art, but they don't think about fucking. You can examine the thoughts inside their heads at any time and fucking never crosses their minds.

Now, this doesn't mean they're childish/immature/naive. I specified "adult characters" for a reason. (Which is why, say, Elmo can't count for this example; the reason Elmo doesn't think about sex is because he's a baby.) Oscar is the wisest person on the planet. Bert and Ernie are out there living adult lives—and Ernie's a bit of a dork, but he's clearly an adult with some goofy thoughts, not an adult with the mind of a child. The human characters on the show are all normal humans, and the only trait they have in common is that they all get along with kids or else they wouldn't be on the show. You could write any of these characters into serious adult plots, just age up the vocab a bit, and they'd work just fine.

These adults are also all living in a real-ish world, and all have adult educations and knowledge bases. If you removed these characters from the setting of Sesame Street to ensure there are no preschoolers around and like, asked them if they know what sex is, they'd be like, yeah. Sure. Obviously. They wouldn't be naive. They are probably all reasonably knowledgeable about sex, to whatever extent we can expect out of muppets.

But none of them think about it. None of them care about it. They don't not know about it, they just don't think about it. If a guest singer comes on with a low-cut top, none of them will even notice that you can see almost all of her cleavage. If someone shows up who they personally consider extremely good looking by whatever their respective standards are, they will admire that person's looks but not once think about that person naked. On Valentine's Day they will think about handing out chocolates to their friends, and not think about the state of their sex lives. Due to the fact that they're not naive, if SOMEBODY ELSE goes "got a date for valentine's!! Hope we'll be up late. ;)" they might go "oh congrats, gonna see a late movie? ...... oh no wait, I figured out what you mean, haha good luck."

They aren't clueless. But the nature of the reality they live in precludes sex from naturally occurring to them or appealing to them.

You can do ace characters like that. You can also do aro characters like that—this specific example is focused on ace because like, even toddler shows will show romance in the form of A Mommy And A Daddy Who Are Married or whatever, and I couldn't think of an easy broadly-recognizable example for romance-free settings. But you can apply the same "knows about it, doesn't think about it, doesn't care about it" logic to aro characters.

The advantage of taking that approach is this: you never have to focus on I wonder what it's like to never think about sex/romance? because it is, at least in my opinion, VERY easy to imagine the aforementioned characters never thinking about sex/romance. You don't have to stop and try to figure out how they interact with the world, because they just DO interact with the world, never thinking about the things they don't feel the need to think about.

A lot of times I see ace/aro characters written as somehow preoccupied with their own absence of XYZ feelings, or else mentally explaining/justifying why they dislike XYZ activities as if their orientations are something they thoughtfully reasoned out rather than something innate/unconscious; and in both cases I think that's a reflection of allo writers being preoccupied with the absent feelings or trying to come up with an explanation that makes sense to THEM for why someone would "decide" to have this orientation the writers themselves don't have an internal instinctive understanding of.

But the same writers would probably have no problem writing Oscar without sexual thoughts because it probably never occurred to them to give Oscar sexual thoughts in the first place. It's not something they need to think about and justify. They can just do it.

Now, here are the caveats:

- Of course you don't want to LITERALLY write ace/aro characters like ACTUAL characters from shows aimed at preschoolers. You can AND SHOULD have them be gritty and intelligent and willing to go commit murders or whatever, and can AND SHOULD have them demonstrate all the depth and complexity of a character in a Victor Hugo novel. This example isn't given as a suggestion for a basis of characterization, but just as a thought exercise to help someone I'm presuming is allo get into the mindset of what it's like to have a character who simply never thinks about sex or romance. "How to have a character not be thinking about sex" is all you should take from this. Please don't write ace/aro characters like you're writing to a five-year-old audience.

- Of course, ace/aro folks are all different. Some of them think about sex or romance a lot. Some of them find romance fascinating to think and write about specifically because they don't have an internal sensation of it—hi there, yours truly. Some of them are demi or gray and do feel sexual or romantic attraction once in a blue moon. Some of them aren't merely neutral to the topics, but actively repulsed, uncomfortable, hostile, etc, whether that's because of just an instinctive Ew Yuck reaction or because they live in a society where the topics (and sometimes the activities) are forced on people all the time and they got sick of it. Some of them are actively sad/wistful that they don't experience those desires. Some are very pleased with how they are but still spend a lot of time comparing/contrasting their experience of the world with other people's. "Completely oblivious and completely disinterested and completely neutral" is a real possibility, but only one possibility out of many, and it would suck if that's the only sort of ace/aro rep we get.

But—BUT—if you're new at writing ace/aro characters, particularly if you're still figuring out the very basics of how to write about them in a way that sounds natural, I still recommend this thought experiment as a way to wrap your mind around the very basic root level experience of what it's like to have a character that doesn't feel attraction. Everything else can be piled on top of that foundation later.

Because if you hop straight on to something complicated like "smut scene with a character who's ace but sex positive and into doing kinky shit," what you might actually end up writing is "character with a token line included about how they don't desire sex but think it's fun and then they spend the rest of the scene having extremely allo-sounding thoughts/reactions," whereas if you've already had some experience/practice putting yourself into the head of a, like, basic tutorial level ace character, it's easier to extrapolate from that and do things like go "well, this character is into kinky sex, BUT I probably shouldn't have them get aroused at the thought of seeing their partner naked, since their source of fun is from the act itself and not from a physical attraction to that person..." or whatever.

- If you want an example of a character who is definitely ace but who also definitely has weird sex, it's Oscar the Grouch. I will not be accepting criticism. You know it's true.

[theshinobiway]

do you see tenten as ace?

Discussing Tenten’s Sexuality

As a personal policy, I abstain from concretely assigning sexual preferences to any fictional character unless it’s clearly stated by the author or discussed within the text.

Instead, let’s take a look at what content there is within the Narutoverse that addresses how Tenten experiences attraction and her thoughts on romance.

Tenten as a Lesbian:

In Japanese anime, WLW and lesbians have a specific coding: It’s either stated/shown that they’re gay, or they’re considered ‘not.’ When you look at characters such as Michiru/Haruko from Sailor Moon, Ymir/Christa from AOT, or Chizuru from Bleach, it’s very clear to the audience that they’re lesbians. Sailor Moon declares Michi/Haru a couple, Ymir/Christa was confirmed by the author, and Chizuru is open about her orientation.

Now, I consider Chizuru a terrible representation for Lesbians–she’s written to be predatory and sexually harasses another female character (Orihime) for fanservice. While this trope needs to die, it’s par for course with shounen anime–an anime genre that caters mostly to Japanese men. Naruto does this with Naruto’s girl-on-girl sexy-no-jutsu. Kishi is not exempt from utilizing this troupe. Sadly, almost any WLW indicators within shounen will be written out as fanservice for the audience–just as Kishi does.

Ymir/Christa from AOT are the exceptions to this rule, but they were confirmed outside-of-text. In comparison, Kishi has neither confirmed her sexuality nor given Tenten a female partner (…or any partner.)

Shounen anime, as a general rule, will not waste time with implicature about certain characters unless it’s directly tied to the plot. This means that because romance is not the focus of an anime such as Naruto, preferences, sexualities, and pairings will be made clear to the audience.

In addition, Tenten has shown (brief) attraction to men early in her appearances in Naruto chapters 35 and 65.

While it is indeed the experience of many young WLW to “perform” heteronormativity, I don’t credit Kishi enough to assume he has that intricate of a vision for Tenten–or, more importantly, that he understands enough about WLW experience to write it. He merely understands that WLW exist for fanservice.

**It is important to note that Tenten only comments on Sasuke/Kakashi’s appearances, not on her romantic desire in them. I’ll revisit this later.**

To summarize, Tenten is not coded as a lesbian and shows an interest in men. It’s also highly unlikely Kishi ever wrote her with the intent to be one.

Tenten as Ace/Asexual/Aromantic:

This is where it gets interesting. For what little representation there is of true LGBTQA+ in anime (and not as stereotypes), asexuality is only represented as the “absence of..” romance. This is because Japan does not have a formal (or favorable) view of Aro/Ace as an orientation.

There’s a gender-based stereotype on the sexuality within Japan that only applies towards men. Japanese men will be referred to as Soshoku danshi, or “herbivore men” if they are disinterested in romance and marriage. As you can imagine, it’s not a particularly nice stereotype either, often used in conjunction with the equally unpleasant term, NEET. For women, there exists a partner term: Nikushoku joshi, or “carnivorous women.” This refers to romantically aggressive women and is seen as an unflattering quality. Women do not have an equivalent term for “herbivore” to my present knowledge.

Aro/Ace has also never been explicitly stated in any anime/manga I’ve encountered. It’s not a heavily researched topic in Japan, and the absence of attraction is usually seen as the result of a personal “defect”. For more detailed information on Aromanticism and asexuality in Japan, I recommend this essay.

Now back to Tenten: Yes, she’s shown interest in the appearance of men. This is very different from Sakura/Ino/Hinata/Karin…and every other depiction of a crush in the Naruto anime. Post-Chapter 65, Tenten was never portrayed in any sort of romantic light. The next mention of Tenten’s romantic preferences finally came from Konoha Hiden. I’ve mentioned Hiden here, but here’s some further explanation:

Konoha Hiden: Chapter 2

“Ever since last night, for some reason or another, thoughts like that kept circling around her head. Something was nagging at her. What was bothering her? The truth was, she already knew the answer.

“Marriage, huh…well it’s a nice thing…” Tenten exhaled, leaning against one of the stakes. Her hands silently played with one of the kunai she’d collected.

This was what had been bothering her. Naruto and Hinata were getting married. It was a happy occasion. Tenten herself had always been getting caught up in thinking about shuriken or kunai or flying guillotines, so she’d never had a boyfriend. She lived her life without any thoughts for romance or femininity.

Hearing about someone close to her getting married suddenly made one disturbing thought fly into Tenten’s mind and refuse to leave: Was it really okay for her to be like this?

From morning until night, it was always Ninja Weaponry, Ninja Weaponry, Ninja Weaponry… Was it really okay for a young woman to be like that?”

The text explicitly discusses Tenten’s thoughts on romance. She’s disinterested in relationships and instead wants to pursue her interest in weaponry. Tenten is also deeply concerned with others’ perceptions of her. 

To be clear: when Tenten says “…to be like this?” She is not talking about her interest in weapons. Tenten is discussing her lack of interest in romance. This phrase is juxtaposed against her comments about marriage, not weapons.

This all falls heavily in line with the would-be Japanese depiction of “Aromantic.” Tenten knows that she prefers weapons over boys and never had “any thoughts for romance or femininity.” She also knows this is out of the norm (especially for women), and is concerned as to how people might view her–which is exactly the Japanese attitude towards aromanticism. 

My reservations about labeling characters aside, there’s probably a solid argument that can be made for Tenten as an aromantic character. She seems to have a preference for men, though she is completely disinterested in a relationship. I do not believe Kishimoto would use the term “aromantic.” to describe her due to different cultural understandings.

And as for me, I don’t mind however someone defines her sexuality, so long as--if they're making claims about Tenten's canon--they keep her in character. And for Tenten, part of being in-character means being single. The female characters of Naruto were strongly defined by romance–whether we like it or not. Tenten is the glaring exception insofar as her explicit “absence of..” romance/attraction. Ignoring this essential fact about Tenten is the same as ignoring Hinata’s crush on Naruto, or Sakura/Karin’s crushes on Sasuke. You can change a personality in fandom, but you can’t use [the changed personality] to say what canonically “is” or “isn’t” true about the character.

[Edit] Interpreting her scenes with her teammates as romantic at all is flat-out false and bad analysis. I want people to stop portraying their shipping desires as "analysis" of this series. All female characters with romantic interests had their interests explicitly made. Shounen–a genre that caters towards men–does NOT cut corners with portraying romantic attraction BECAUSE it is NOT the focus. They WILL NOT waste time with implicature. Kishimoto was never adverse to denoting which female character liked whom. All of the girls' crushes were obvious. The fact that Konoha Hiden was published was, in fact, Kishimoto's final say on the matter: Tenten was never a romantic character. She never held feelings for her teammates. This book was published with this EXPLICITLY said because, again, Kishimoto does not write romance. He says they either like or do not like each other and moves on. Why in the WORLD would he allude to some "great, hidden romance" of Tenten? He would–did not. He is NOT that kind of writer.

Fanon does what it wants, but that goes without saying.

When I write Tenten for Reader-Insert, I fully acknowledge that I have to make her OOC for it. She’s also the most difficult to write for because of this. I use the collective experiences of real-life friends who are aromantic and in a relationship to form her “romantic” side.

Thanks as always for contributing to the blog!

[sebastianshaw]

⚪ White - What drew you so much to your muse?

A combination of things! - He’s just plain terrible, and I have a lot of fun with muses who are just abjectly awful people and don’t have noble motives, softer sides, etc. It’s very fun for me in a very cathartic way, and I think other people enjoy it too, especially since instead of using “I have a very powerful evil muse!” as an excuse to trample over others, I play with a comedic bent instead that invites them to laugh with me at him! - I just really like evil businessmen types who are also like...worthy opponents and have some kind of code without it actually being moral in any way. Think David Xanatos from Gargoyles or Shere Khan from TaleSpin. Shaw’s like that, at least when he’s written well----he’s super-rich, wants to get richer, and has no moral limits on what he’ll do to achieve that, but he’s also got a distinct philosophy and way of looking at the world, and he is a serious threat (again, when written well---that’s the big caveat) He’s got his own personality that goes beyond Evil Capitalist, but without being a Secret Woobie in any way, I like that. I just am not into woobie villains who just need a hug, no offense to anyone else’s taste, but also villains who are simply 2D evil for no reason don’t do it for me either. Guys like Shaw hit the sweet spot where they’ve got a completely understandable, practical reason for doing what they do (money) while also not engendering any sympathy for it. And like Khan and Xanatos, he’s damned CLEVER when he’s written right, and I love smart villains who are actually SMART in the way that has nothing to do with math or science but as in like, manipulation, contingency plans, and/or common sense, and Shaw should ideally be written with at least two out of three every time. - He eschews a lot of common comic-book villain bullshit in a way I enjoy. For instance, his 80s stuff, he’s distinctly DISINTERESTED in vengeance for his own defeats and advises others (Donald Pierce, Emma Frost) against pursuing personal vendettas over their own, and he takes his losses with shocking grace---most bad guys rant and rave, but Shaw is just like “ok, gonna study why this went bad and do better next time” and I just LOVED that. Or how he does have some tragedy in his history but it’s NOT the source of his motive and he DOESN’T bring it up at everyone the way a lot of villains tend to, to the point most readers don’t even know about it. Like he’s got loads of little traits that are very unique and interesting like that. - He’s interesting IN GENERAL? Like he seems like he’s SUCH a shallow character trope---evil rich capitalist who is also a kinky sex freak---but once I started getting into him there was just so much more there that’s so commonly ignored. I was really amazed at how much depth he actually has, while also remaining Totally Terrible to my tastes. - He’s FUNNY. Almost all my characters have to make me LAUGH if I’m going to write them (Haven is the main exception) and Shaw is HILARIOUS. Like, first thing I noticed was WHY DOES HE KEEP RIPPING HIS SHIRT OFF? And how is it that when he DOESN’T take it off himself, SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENS TO RIP IT UP?! Like his apparent shirt allergy is pretty great all on its own, but he’s also got a lot of low-key witty snark in the 80s, he has the most unsubtle hard-on for Magneto, his reaction to Hell on Earth is just to start punching demons and blaming Magneto for it, he pretty much has the WORST DAY EVER in one issue where HE DOESN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING BAD, he’s open about what a SELFISH DICK he is to a comedic (and refreshing) point, it just goes on. Shaw is frankly just a delight to read if you go in with the right lens, and I like playing that up for people. You shouldn’t like him as a PERSON at all, he’s despicable, but he is FUN as a character to read about for me. - A bit of spiteful defensiveness. I started reading his original 80s and 90s stuff at the point in the 2000s where his backstory and characterization were JUST starting to change for the shittier, so I basically got to get to know this really interesting, awesome version of Shaw, just as he was becoming a really crapular version, and watch fandom’s reaction to that, it sucked donkey balls. It also cheeses me off how hypocritical and just plain WRONG that both fandom and writers can be about a character----like people hating on him for shit he’s actually never done but that their own faves HAVE but they sure never mention THAT---and I like to keep this blog running both to promo Real Shaw Rep and also because it’s a respite for a few other classic Shaw fans besides myself who have found their way here and told me they’re so glad they did. It’s very lonely and frustrating to like this guy post-2000s, and I want to support people who are in the same boat as me for my trash fave! Also writing his responses to people is just, like, HUGELY fun because he’s such a no-holds barred DICK.

[captain-aralias]

Hi, 1,7 and 22 from the fic asks please 💕💕💕

hooray! asks. these are some of the best ones too and it’s 11pm at night... basically, if you want to ask these questions again at the weekend, i will probably answer them better.

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

fake relationship, possibly outside of the main ship (that penny/baz prompt today has my name on it. i almost wrote this exact fake relationship into ‘keep calm’ to get the two of them to the cottage, but i removed it because i JUST NEEDED TO GET TO THE PLOT). 

in ‘carry on’, my comfort zone is - something about vampires and how sad baz feels about being a vampire, it’ll be about 10k, and will alternate between only the two main characters. at some point someone will point out that baz is rich and maybe he should feel bad about that too. maybe our heroes will have sex. 

i’ve said before that i find writing smut hard. i also find it easy, despite that being a contradiction, because you know what the fic is about - it gives it an easy, safe arc, a beginning and an end. so that is helpful - the problem is having to write the actual shagging. 

17. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

i’m not a great prose stylist - i’m a writer of dialogue/i always wanted to be a playwright. i’m also pretty good at picking up an mimicking stylistic quirks. so you’ll see what i mean when i say, ‘carry on’ really plays to my strengths. 

a few years earlier, i had a great time writing first-person fics in ‘blake’s 7′ fandom where there were basically none. it seemed incredibly frightening before i started (and i still never wrote blake first person, too scary), but actually i loved it. 

if you like the things i write for baz, now, a lot of it is probably because i wrote this kind of thing for avon first:  

I realised belatedly that Blake had asked this because the hand I'd left on the back of the sofa hadn't stayed where I'd left it. It had crept upwards, and twisted itself into Blake's hair. I must have been toying with his curls. He was right – I must be very drunk. More than I realised. I have no idea how long my hand had been there. I began to draw it back, but Blake seemed to follow it, though I were tugging him towards me, rather than releasing him. By the time my hand had returned to my lap, Blake was most of the way onto my side of the sofa. I opened my mouth to protest, and found myself pushed back by Blake's body as he kissed me. Blake kissed me. Blake kissed me.

I have no idea why he thought this would be welcome, or even whether he’d thought that far ahead. Until that point I had no idea he was attracted to me, or even that he was attracted to men. I am not attracted to men, and I'm certainly not attracted to Blake. He— That is— Well, I can see why some people – some women – might be attracted to him, but it's an objective observation. I can see why women might be attracted to me, and I'm not attracted to myself. Most of the time I don't even like myself. Most of the time I don't like Blake. I certainly don't like him – it's nothing personal. No, it is personal – the regular dislike is, the dislike formed around the fact that a dangerous maniac who endangers my life on a constant basis – but my disinterest in him sexually is not personal. I'd just never thought of him in that light before. Why would I?

So I have no idea why I kissed him back, clutching at his hair with the hands I'd only just managed to remove from his curls earlier.

- Roj Blake and Other Phobias (2015)

a lot of what i wrote for avon is unreliable narrator but very VERY obviously unreliable, so the audience is very in on the joke that he’s kidding himself. for thousands of words. (in this, he is not like baz, who at least knows himself.) this was really good fun, and i think it’s fun to read. i think this kiss is quite sexy (i cut it before we got to that part, but it is) and i also like... even though it’s a cheap device... that i played on quite a famous line for this pairing - have you betrayed me? have you betrayed me? both obviously at the end of the first paragraph, but at other points throughout the bit i quoted where avon tries to clean up after himself even inside his own head by (here) emphasising different bits of the sentence. or correcting himself to make sure he is completely understood... 

and obviously he is completely lying.

22. Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. 

this is my favourite question from the meme. i don’t think i’ll do it justice. 

i thought i’d go really early - because all the Blake stuff is still pretty much as i would write it (if not better). 

this is one of the last Harry Potter fics i ever wrote: Enslaving Fireflies (2005). 

May the first, 1972. “I’m not having any fun,” Peter said for the fifth time, lunging dangerously at another firefly that hovered five feet about his head and almost falling to his death. “Go inside then,” Sirius pointed out mercilessly, as he had done every time Peter had suggested that standing on a roof in the early hours of the morning trying to catch glowing insects was not quite as thrilling as James had made it seem inside the common room an hour ago. Peter scowled in his general direction, but stayed where he was. Sirius smirked and Remus rolled his eyes: after almost a year he, at least, had learnt that it was unwise to let Sirius know he’d won, even if Sirius already suspected as much. There was five minutes of silence and then Peter spoke again. “How many of these things do we need to catch?” “A hundred and fifty,” James informed him for the third time. “Thirty for will, twenty-five for you, fifteen for go, twenty for out, thirty-five for with and fifteen for me and ten for a question mark.” Peter considered this. “And how many do we have?” Remus lifted up the large glass jar that they had ‘borrowed’ from the kitchen that morning and which now held the product of the last hour’s work. “Four,” he said, seriously, “and I think this one’s dead, so that’s three.” “Only another forty-nine hours to go,” James said happily waving his net enthusiastically in the general direction of some more fireflies, “which means, minus the time we have to be in lessons, we should just be in time for her birthday.” Remus put down the jar and set to work again. Another five minutes passed and then Peter said, “I’m really, really not having any fun.”

-- 

i dont know if everyone else also had this phase, but at this time (and i was in university by this time - first year, but still) i had this crazy perception about how paragraphing worked. informed, admittedly, by reading books where this does happen. 

anyway - the first thing i would do to this would be to put line breaks in between the dialogue. 

i chose potter because i thought it would be fun to edit it into first person, given the above/it’s connection with ‘Carry On’... i don’t know if that’s the case, though. er...

1st May 1972 REMUS

We’ve only been at Hogwarts a few months, but I’ve already learned a lot. Like what a bezor is. How to get to the Shrieking Shack without waking up any of my roommates. And that if James Potter says something will be ‘fun’, you should be prepared for both pain and suffering.

“I’m not having any fun,” Peter says for the fifth time as he lunges for another firefly. It’s not the first time that he’s said this and it probably won’t be the last. 

“Go inside then,” Sirius says (also not for the first time). 

When Peter doesn’t, Sirius grins me - because of course, he knew Peter wouldn’t leave. But another thing I’ve learned is not to tell Sirius he’s right, even though - of course - he already knows he is. The gloating can last for hours.

etc

[zardoru]

A Dragon Fan Takes A Pernese Dragon Ride

I’m not sure where to start. 

I’ve lately been reading the Pern series. A phenomenon that back in 1999 had a whole track in DragonCon called the Weyrfest, back when fandom was something that you had to get out of your way to get to. But more importantly, it’s a series written by Anne McCaffrey that has a writing style that I loathe, but that has masterful worldbuilding, stories, and ideas that changed the face of fantasy -- even considering that technically, the series is science fantasy, not fantasy! I’m not going to give you details as to why, so that that statement makes you curious.

I’m what you would call a modern dragon fan. Love ‘em. The variety, the personalities, power, flight, you name it, there’s just so much to love! With series such as Wings of Fire, How To Train Your Dragon, or Temerarie there’s no shortage of series that put dragons front and center as heroes and sensible characters that you can relate to rather than humongous beasts to be killed. I can’t really explain my obsession with dragons, but my friends can bear witness to it, to my potential chagrin. I’ve written OC-based fanfiction in the Wings of Fire universe, and am, at the time of writing, doing my own original story with a dragon protagonist.

So as such, I had heard of how Pern had been a Harry Potter equivalent of like, 1967, where people pretended to bond with a dragon (called Impressing in the Pernese world) or fire lizards, small, feisty and chittering wyrms, doing the duties of musicians called Harpers, or Holders, the masters of the land, or Riders that fought the quintessential threat of the world of Pern, called Thread. I had to give the series a shot, if only to see what people had been enamored with and how it paved the way for me, a modern dragon fan, as well as understanding the treaded tropes of yesteryear in my quest to write more about dragons.

I don’t mean to review the books as much as talking a bit about notable aspects of the series as a whole. At the time of writing, I’ve only completed the original trilogy, Harper’s Hall, Moreta and Nerilka’s story, plus the epilogue that is Beyond Between. 

There’s a few notable aspects. The series gives a great deal of importance to the intimacy between Rider and Dragon through a highly prominent narration of the acts of intercourse that occur among dragons -- of which the rider is not only witness, but a remote participant, even living the events through the eyes and scales of their mostly intelligent partner. Anne doesn’t describe the processes of linked minds, that is, the experience of their ability to have a transparent mind to each other, though it is stated that both parts of the relationship simply know how the other feels. This has led to a joke of lovingly nicknaming the series Dragonriders of Porn.

Of course, not only a special group of people are able to join in the magic; fire lizards, basically small dragons, also Impress. That means that most common people of Pern has a chance to have the experience of being friends with a small dragon. You can probably see the appeal of that.

The intelligence of dragons and fire lizards isn’t equivalent to that of a human, but they’re not animalistic either. It’s somewhere in between, though fire lizards are incapable of communicating verbally; not that they can’t communicate at all! Both fire lizard and dragon eyes change color according to how they feel. 

I don’t want to spoil all of the details of the worldbuliding, because you don’t really fall in love with the characters. Not quite. You fall in love with the world, and getting to know it, and the experiences of the people that live in it, is the appeal of most of the books. Not to mention that it is expansive enough to warrant a huge wiki!

Unfortunately, the series doesn’t have a dragon protagonist. It is mainly about the humans that inhabit Pern. But rejoice, Wings of Fire was a series inspired by inverting this choice, so it is not all bad. That said, it doesn’t make the series any less valuable for those fans that love the idea of good dragon characters. Give The White Dragon a chance. Ruth, the deuteragonist, is the titular White Dragon, and happens to be exemplary, and particularly disinterested in the frisky activities of his peers. Wink. Or give Moreta a chance, where the interactions between Moreta and her dragon Orlith are quite special, appearing almost as lovers.

It can be tedious at times. Not really because of what happens, but because of the choice of vocabulary and style, and long winded paragraphs of relentless description that may have you searching the words febrifuge, perfidy, zestful, or paroxysm. Give me some credit if these are common words, though, English is my second language! Not that any of my friends have ever used any of those words. 

The series starts rough. Dragonflight was originally separate stories rolled into one. To say “it shows” is as tautological as being redundant, dealing with the fall of a villain, the impression, and Lessa’s um, heroics, to be as loose as possible, should you decide to read it. Dragonquest underwent heavy rewriting, and while some scenes were incredible (Brekke! My heart! You deserved better!) the main theme of the conflict between the old ways and the new ways was not particularly appealing to me. 

Apparently, some details become contradictory. I have not read carefully enough for any of these details to jump at me. That said, the Harpers Hall series, particularly the first two books, are beyond excellent if you want an introduction, dealing with the struggles of Menolly, fighting against the idea that ladies were not meant to be Harpers. The third one is weaker, but can still be a welcome addition. If you want to reference something from these books, let it be Piemur’s love of fresh-out-of-the-oven bubbly pies. Wink again.

At the time, the Pern series was fairly progressive, though there’s a few modern sensitivities that don’t quite agree with some parts of the first book especially, having a hero considering the um, forceful relationship (exaggerate that in your head to its logical conclusion) he wanted to give to Lessa after their dragons “flew,” an euphemism for things you can probably imagine.

The views Anne had on homosexuality were, uh, not ideal, and I’ll skip over them, but given the circumstances, they do exist in Pern. They are treated fairly and have become the riders of female dragons that were not originally engineered to allow for that to be the case. There’s bi riders as well. There’s a notable absence of Trans representation, but given the time it was written in… I believe Anne would’ve liked for everyone to be comfortable in Pern, hardships and all. Reach out to me if you’ve got thoughts on this.

For Anne, the series had begun as an attempt to have empowered women and good dragons. It started a phenomenon, and her son, Todd, said she “first set dragons free on Pern and then was herself freed by her dragons,” due to the financial success and stability it brought her. I must admit that as someone that is trying to turn an obsession into stories, Pern is a reflection of the hope I have that perhaps one day I might write something for other dragon fans that will touch their imaginations. One day…

Of course, I also think Pern’s also significantly contributed to the overall idea that fantasy, as a genre, is extremely horny under the surface. I don’t know what to add to this idea that would be productive, but if you read it, you’ll probably know why.

Wow! That’s a lot of words. I haven’t even gone into the details of the stories or the blog Anne kept where she kept a very welcoming and warm disposition to the Pern fandom, not only endorsing fan activities, but even giving guidelines as to how to perform them respectfully, praising the lengths that people had taken Pern to, saying that she herself couldn’t have ever matched it. Nor talked about my favourite characters, which, again, I kin Ruth. Sorry kids, he’s taken. But if I may take away something from all this, it would be that Pern has cemented a special place in my heart, right under the thatching and walls that Wings of Fire put up for me, inspiring me to read once more.

Maybe it will, or it already has in yours too.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

The Blood Moon

Summary : With great powers comes great responsibility, so why bother with them, when you can just chill back and relax? That’s what Katrina always told herself in a way to calm down whenever she felt herself lose control, but nothing will stop her from getting in trouble with literally everyone around. Her world was chaotic, like the last seconds of a fly trapped in a spider’s web, but what happens when the world literally goes Upside Down for her, has to take care of a group of nerds much bigger than herself and even worst, she feels her heart beat for the first time, but now, not because of anxiety, but due to a much warmer feeling.

Pairing : Billy Hargrove x OC (Katrina Black)

TW : Stranger Things, as a TV show, explores a lot of themes, including childhood trauma of various types, which I am going to go along with.

—

This story contains and explores a variety of trauma and darker themes, most of them relating in canon to a certain character, others that I’m more familiar with then I wish I were and so on.

I have this story written on AO3 that I wrote in like 3-4 days because GODS I am in L O V E with Billy Hargrove and someone please save me, all my feelings are in here, from sorrow to glee, from fluff to angst and so on.

But I’ve never been prouder of a story I’ve written like I am with this one.

—

Chapter 1: The Fox and the Lion

I had no idea how the hell I managed to get wound up in a group of 12 year olds’ troubles, but I can’t deny that it wasn’t fun, if not, just crazy dangerous and deadly. I met up Mike and his little group of nerdy friends whilst going to the arcade one day and them cursing my nickname for not being able to defeat my high-score in any game. Of course, since all arcade games only had a 3 letter maximum for each name, I put mine.

“FOX”

Because I have red hair and can be pretty sly and sneaky, despite how very introverted I am. Now it’s my last year at Hawkins High School, this one being the most important because if everything goes right, I may get a scholarship and be able to continue my studies further, to University, pursuing Vet Medicine, like I’ve always dreamt of.

Now, to tell a little bit about myself…

Officially, I was called “3”, just like the number tattooed on my shoulder, which is to brand me as one of the many experiments the Russians/Americans did on children. Somehow, and very thankfully, I managed to run away, thanks to my weird powers that I’m still not 100% sure, and found myself in the woods, where I stumbled upon this policeman named Hopper who was nice enough to take me in for a while, before getting me to an orphanage and making sure a real family gets to take care of me.

The date of me meeting Jim was January 3rd, a very cold and snowy winter, so from that day on, that has become my birthday. Since I didn’t have a name, he let me stay a few good weeks with him and taught me how to read and write, which was pretty easy, to say the least, and upon reading so many books, I found a name that finally suited my tastes.

“Katrina”

That was 5 years ago, when I was 13, and now I’m at my own little house close to the Byers, I recently found out, living alone with Jim visiting me often, or having the kids have sleepovers at mine from time to time, when I’m not too busy with my studies.

After the incident with the monsters, Will’s disappearance, El and everything, we’ve really bonded, and gotta say, being a Rogue in their DnD party was super fun!

Life hasn’t been easy, that much is sure, isn’t it? Many bad things happened that cannot be changed or unmade, so you have to life with them through the rest of your life.

But things never stay the same, do they…?

Life at highschool ain’t the best, especially not with all these mean girls and boys around, but how I survived 3 years, I can survive one more, right? Also, recently, Will and the gang told us about a new girl coming from California called “Max” who apparently beat all their records as well and from their description, I really wanna meet her. Now, I’m wondering if this is a coincidence or not, but my Sherlockian instincts were tingling, and she may or may not be our new colleague’s little sister. Oh, yes, new colleague… His name is Billy Hargrove and he’s the most intimidating man I’ve ever seen in my life. He is literally radiating masculinity and his eyes make everyone either kneel at his feet or stay away from him, because he won’t take anyone’s shit. In a very short amount of time, he managed to gain the reputation of “Keg King”…I think that was? Beating Steve Harrington at popularity, now being the literal best student at sports (especially basketball), having the most number of uh…Charmed ladies, as a count, and beat up a ton of boys who dared disrespect him. So, uh...FUN!

I could have said that I’ve been pretty lucky so far, seeing that I didn’t have the need to directly interact with Billy so far, but fate was never as you’d expect and the weirdest of changes always happen when you least expect them.

Wednesday morning -

I wake up, eat a bowl of milk and cereal, go to wash my fave, brush my long red hair and look through my clothes.

I choose an over-sized AC/DC Tshirt, light blue boyfriend jeans, a red plaid shirt tied to my waist, round shades, a black hat and black combat boots, take my bag and go to my motorbike that I recently managed to buy and went to high school. Maths went pretty fast by, Chemistry too, but during Biology, we had to make a project for the final grade, which will affect the overall grade by a huge percent, which completely got my attention.

But that wasn’t all.

Mrs. Green insisted on assigning us partners…And I was to do the project with none other than Billy Hargrove, which made me gulp in anxiety and start to slightly scratch at my neck, not daring to look at him…Or anyone, for the matter.

Mrs. Green: Kat, Billy, may I talk to you at the end of the class for a moment? Billy: Sure. Me: Okay…

After this, the class went on as if nothing happened, but I could basically feel the burning and poisonous glares the many girls in my class would throw at me. After all, who wouldn’t want to be partnered up with THE King Billy?

Ha.

Me.

What a fool.

All I did the whole class was to draw on my notebook, habit which I found out managed to calm down my anxieties pretty well, even if I didn’t really pay attention to the teacher…But hey, for someone like me, it’s no big deal. After all the other students left the classroom, I grabbed slowly got up and went in front of Mrs. Green, not managing to look in her eyes, my gaze fixed on the floor as I bit my lip and fiddling with my fingers. Billy, as well, stood just next to me, but he looked extremely laid back.

Mrs.Green: Billy, I am sure you are aware that, despite your pretty good grades, slightly above average, in most subjects, you are somehow failing Biology. So, I wanted to ask you, is it just disinterest, or are you not understanding something? I thought that, compared to Mathematics, Chemistry and Physics, this would be at least a bit easier. Billy: Well, uh…I dunno, I guess I don’t really get it or something. I guess I started with the wrong foot and continued even worse and…Yeah, you get it. Mrs.Green: Kat, dear, I am very sorry to ask this of you, since I know you’re extremely shy, but would it be okay with you if you were to help Billy with Biology? You told me you want to pursue Medicine at University, and so far you’ve been exceeding all expectations at my subject, which is why I paired you two up. Just a bit of tutoring, once in a while, if you both agree. Billy: If it helps with my grades, I don’t see why not. Mrs.Green: Excellent! What do you say, dear? Me: Uh, w-well, I…Uhm…I-I mean, s-sure, but…But a-are you sure I’m the right person for this? I-I mean, as you said, I’m painfully shy…A-And I’m afraid I might be more annoying than useful and I don’t want to waste anyone’s time and- Mrs.Green: Dear, Kat, calm down. I’ve seen you help and explain to some of your colleagues before at different subjects and you did an extraordinary job at it! I think you shouldn’t be afraid. Who knows, maybe Billy will be able to help you out with your shyness, since he’s so popular and sociable. Me: *hiding my face* I-I-I w-well, I don’t know what to say… Billy: You can start by saying ‘Yes’ ? Me: Uhm…I guess you’re right. S-Sure, I will tutor you, I am fine with that. J-Just tell me when you don’t understand or if I’m being annoying, I’ll try to stop. Billy: *chuckles* Don’t worry, toots, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine. Mrs.Green: *winks* Think of it as opportunity. It will look very good on your recommendation letter. Me: Y-You mean, you will…? Mrs.Green: *smiles* But of course, dear! How could I possibly not recommend my top student to the best University? It was supposed to be a surprise from me and your Physics and Chemistry teachers, but oops! Busted~. Me: I-I-I can’t thank you enough!! Really, thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me! I am forever grateful for you and your patience and kindness with me! Mrs.Green: *pats my head* Dear, your only fault is worrying too much and enjoying life too little. Take the advice of the bands you listen to so much and you might learn to live a bit. Now, off you go, your next class is about to start! Me: See you tomorrow, Mrs.Green! And thank you so much for everything again! Billy: Good bye, Mrs. G.

Outside of the classroom, I gripped my notebook close to my chest and walk to my locker, but Billy was still following me with a smirk on his face, and then leaned on the locker nearby.

Billy: So, I just got a very hot teacher as a reward for failing the class, the more you know. Me: I…I think it’s more of a punishment. Billy: Why’d you think that, Kitten? Me: Wh-Why did you j-just call me “Kitten” ? Billy: Mrs.G called you “Kat”, so, why not? Me: My name is Katrina, not Kitten, so please call me that. Billy: Fine, fine…Kitten. *winks* Me: *pouts* Guess I can’t convince you… Billy: You give up pretty easily, babe. It’s almost like you like that. Me: *cringes* I-It’s nothing of the sort. I-It’s just…Over the years…I learn that if saying “No” doesn’t work the first time…It won’t work no matter how many times you repeat or struggle…So might as well just get it over with. Billy: *raises an eyebrow* That sounded oddly specific. Me: *eyes widen* Ah, n-no, forget I just said that! S-Sorry, I, uh…I gotta go to Physics, excuse me. Billy: What a coincidence, I have Physics too. Why don’t we talk about the project and my tutoring on the way there? Me: Uhm…If you’re okay with it, I guess okay. Billy: Have any specific topic you wanna do? I kinda have no idea what we’ve studied so far. Care to enlighten me? Me: Well…We started with the Nervous system, followed by the Sensory organs, then Glands, the Locomotor system, Digestive system, Excretory system, Metabolism, some pretty basic Genetics, some plain Environmental things…And…Uhm…Well… Billy: *smirks* You missed out the Reproduction thingy between Excretory and Metabolism on purpose, didn’t you? Me: *gasps* Liar! You said you didn’t know! You tricked me! Billy: *chuckles* I might have. Say, toots, it’s almost like you missed it on purpose. Are you embarrassed? Hey, what about we do the project on tha- Me: NO!!!! Billy: *wide eyed* Whoa, slow down, there, I was only teasin’. Me: *slaps hand on mouth* I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to shout at you! Please, don’t be mad. It’s just…I really don’t like it and it makes me feel very…Very bad. Billy: *shrugs* S'okay, I got it, don’t worry, I’m not mad. Jeez, Mrs.G was right, you really do worry too much. Me: Yeah…I’m really sorry, I told you it’d be more of a punishment than anything. I know I can be very annoying without even realising. Billy: Chill, babe, chill. So, when and where shall we meet? Me: Uhm…Tomorrow after class for the project? Billy: I have Basketball training, sorry. Me: Oh, right, you’re in the team. When’s your next match? Billy: In 2 weeks. Wanna come and cheer me? Me: *smiles* If you want me there, sure, I will be there. Billy: Huh, would ya look at that, Kitten has a pretty smile. Ya wanna make me swoon? Me: Ah, n-no, really, I’m not. Billy: You’re melting my heart, babe! Me: S-Sorry! Uhm…How about this Friday? About 5pm? At…Uhm…There’s this pretty cafe in town called “Ma Cherie” and they have amazing tea and sweets. Billy: Friday…Friday…Ah, yeah, sure. Had a date, but- Me: Oh, shoot! Okay, we can find another day so you won’t have to miss it! Billy: *chuckles* Nahh, don’t worry, I’ll just cancel. I’d much rather stay with you than with her. Me: *bites lip* Uhmm…I…Flattered? I think? Billy: Good then, it’s a date, see you then, sweet cheeks! Me: WAIT WHAT?!

I stopped in my tracks but he only laughed and waved at me, jogging ahead in another direction. It was only then that I realised that I was in front of the Physics classroom and he, in fact, had a complete other subject, not Physics.

Smooth bastard…

And so, Wednesday came to an end, Thursday as well, Friday went by unnoticed and then, I had to go full speed to the Animal shelter nearby to help out. They never told me how much to stay, seeing that my schedule was hectic due to College and Uni preps, so I would just come and go whenever I could. Problem is, I lost track of time and when I looked back at the watch again, it said 4:46pm.

F U C K.

I bid the workers farewell and ran to my motorbike, going as far as I could back to Hawkings and at the cafe, getting all the two bags full of books and running into the cafe, and looking at my watch at the same time.

5:13pm.

Kill me please.

Entering the cafe, I nod at the waitress, as I’m a regular here and we’re on friendly terms, and scan for Billy, who was writing something in a notebook. I rush to take the seat opposite, but before I sat down and let the books fall to the ground, I start apologising to Billy a bit too much.

Me: I’M SO SORRY!! I-I really didn’t mean to be late, but it’s entirely my fault and I feel horrible for making you wait for me! Please don’t be mad, I-I’ll make up to you! I’ll pay each time we go out to study, okay? S-So take anything you want a-and I’ll pay! I know it won’t really make a difference bu- Billy: Babe, sit down and breathe. Me: H-Huh? Billy: I’m not mad. I can clearly see you rushed to get here. Lost track or time, huh? What were you doing? Me: Yeah, I know, I’m stupid. I got a watch today so I can make sure I leave at the right time, but I forgot to check it and…I am late. So, uhm…Y'know how I mentioned I want to pursue Vet Medicine at Uni? I work at an animal shelter nearby and it takes sort of…Almost an hour to get here. Well, more like 40 minutes, but I rushed and got here in like 25. It kinda helps to get in at a top Uni…With a scholarship. I couldn’t afford to study at University otherwise, so I gotta do what it takes. Billy: Well, babe, you look pretty hot in you lab coat. I wanna see you like this more often. Me: M-My lab coat…? AH, DAMN, I FORGOT TO TAKE IT OFF! Godamn it! Billy: *chuckles* You’re pretty amusing, doll. Come on, sit down and let’s order. Me: Okay. Leila, dear, could you please come and take our order? Leila: Hey, Kat, rushed again from the shelter I see. Regular? Me: For me, yes. Billy, what would you want? Billy: Just a black coffee, thanks. Me: Are you sure? Billy: Yeah, sure. Me: O-Okay… Leila: Okay, then. A Cherry Vanilla tea with extra cinnamon, a chocolate cake and a black coffee coming right up! Me: Thank you for your time, Lei-Lei! Leila: Any time! Billy: Seems you calmed down a bit. Me: Yeah…This place always manages to sooth down my anxieties. Uhm…I literally only come here every time I want to study. Billy: I’m not surprised. It’s pretty nice, I guess. Me: *smiles* I’m happy that you liked it. Billy: Say, forgot to ask you on Wednesday, but today I see you have a Metallica Tshirt. Are they your boyfriend’s? Me: *blushes* B-Boyfriend? But I don’t have a boyfriend, what do you mean? Billy: You don’t? How come? Me: Why are you surprised, who’d want someone like me? Trust me when I say this, I know what I’m talking about. Billy: But you’re smart and pretty, what’s not to like? Me: Many things. So uhm…These are my Tshirts. 90% of my tops have band imprints. And…Well…AC/DC, Iron Maiden and Metallica are my Top 3 favourite bands. I have all their vinyls and cassettes. Billy: You just keep getting hotter and hotter the more I know you. Me: Hahaha, no, no way that could ever happen. Billy: If I were to give you one of my band Tshirts, would you wear it on our next date? Me: D-Date?! C-Come on, Billy, I’m literally the last person you’d want to date, I can assure you. Billy: What if I prove you otherwise? Me: How do you know you’re my type? Billy: *smirks* Oh~? So I’m out of your league, sweet cheeks? Me: Ah-…! Wait, no, I didn’t mean it like that! I didn’t want to insult or offend you, I’m sorry! Billy: Just teasin’, relax. Me: *pouts* Whatevs… Billy: So, wadya say, dollface? About us? Me: D-Don’t you think we should, like, get to know each other first? Become friends and trust each other and all that? Billy: Awww, toots wants one of those cutesy romance novel relationships, how adorable. Me: *blushes* W-Well…Y-Yeah…I guess…I know I’m asking for too much…And there’s no way in hell that could ever happen to me…S-So…I just…I guess…I kinda gave up on even thinking of dating long ago. Billy: *sighs* Maybe your expectations are too high of people that are too low. People suck, y'know? The world sucks. You’re expecting a happily ever after? Me: If I ever get to be in a relationship, I want it to be that kind of shelter that would be protective from all the chaos and evilness in the world. The only place where you can feel safe and be yourself. And if that Happily Ever After, as you call it, won’t happen with another person as my significant other…Then I’ll be very content with saving animals’ lives and travelling the world at my leisure. Billy: *smirks* Have I ever told you you’re pretty hot when you speak like that? Me: Uhm…Okay, so, I was thinking that maybe we could talk about the Nervous system in our project? Leila: Kat, you don’t need to talk about the Nervous system. You literally ARE a Nervous system. Me: … *laughs* Oh jesus, that was a good one. I won’t forget that…Actually, I might even use it as a joke when I do the presentation! Leila: *winks* Don’t forget the author’s right! Me: Okay, okay! As per my lovely barista friend joked, instead of presenting you the Nervous system, I will introduce myself, for I am, in fact, a Nervous system. Leila: Hey, Billy, was it? Please film her or something, I want to see that part. Billy: Consider it done. Me: I call this a conspiracy! Don’t try to overthrow my reign! Leila: Oh, shut up, nerd. Here’s your tea, honey and cake, and here’s your coffee. Good luck with your project! Me: Thanks, dear! Billy: Okay, that looks and smells pretty good. Me: *smiles* Wanna try? I can give you half of everything, if you want? Billy: Y'sure? Me: *nods* Sure! Do you like your tea sweetened? I usually put a lot of honey in it. Billy: Make it as you like and I’ll drink after. Me: Here, you can eat from my plate as much as you want. I usually drink the tea first anyways. Billy: So generous, toots, you’re melting my heart. Me: Ahem. So, the Nervous system? Billy: I have no idea what that’s all about, but just for the sake of the joke, I will say yes. Me: Cool! I kinda thought of specialising in Neurosurgery after Uni. B-But that’s really very far in the future, so it’s pretty irrelevant. Billy: Teach me your magic, babe, and let’s fuck them up big time.

Pretty excited, I got the books from the bag and handed them to him, showing him the tons of notes, scribblings, ideas, details and so on that I’ve gathered so far, and for the next 4 hours, everything we smoothly, but we had to leave because Leila had to close, and we decided to meet again on Monday at lunch time in the courtyard and study while we eat.

I have to admit, the time spent with Billy was…Well…Really nice. It seemed almost like he was a complete other person, not the scary guy who looked like he would snap at anyone if they even as much as blinked around him. Sure, he was a huge flirt, but it didn’t seem too…Ill-willed, to say the least. I just hope it won’t turn into a crush or something. I absolutely canNOT and will NOT allow myself to catch feelings…Not again…Not after everything that has happened. He is right. There is no Happily Ever After, so why bother?

The weekend passed by very fast as I prepared notes for both the project and some tutoring ideas for the Nervous System, since we had to start with the very beginning of Biology, so after the first 3 classes in the morning, I tried to rush outside, but I got pushed into a locker with a boy that I couldn’t recall the name of, but I knew was pretty popular…Like many others. I think his name was Dennis or something, and he wasn’t alone, but surrounded by 3 cheerleaders, Clarisse, Carol and Christine, or the Triple C as they were called.

Boy: Hey, freak, 'sup? Me: Uhm…Hi. Boy: Didn’t you hear me? SPEAK UP! Me: I-I Said hi! Boy: I SAID SPEAK UP!! Me: HI! Boy: Thaaat’s more like it, you ugly sow. Now, what the hell were you doing around King Billy? What you’re tryina get him to like you with that pity party of yours? Your face implores pity and sympathy, but you’re nothing more than a nerd! Me: W-We have to make a p-project together… Carol: Yeah, right, as if! You have the goo-goo eyes for him! Y'know, just 'cause he likes the bands you claim to like, doesn’t mean he likes YOU! I bet you only like that music 'cause HE likes it! Me: N-No…That’s not true…

By now, my eyes were watering, and Dennis pinned my wrists above my head and started screaming very close to my face. I could feel a panic attack beginning to form at an alarmingly fast rate.

Clarisse: Aww, look at her! What, gonna freak out again and cry? Christine: Pshh, yeah, right. What a stupid crybaby. Never got past the stage of a 10 year old? Dennis: You and your stupid red hair, better stop hanging out with Billy, or else you’re gonna get it. Me: B-But I h-have t-to- Carol: *slaps me* Billy. Is. Mine. Slut!

After she slapped me, everyone around started laughing and belittling me again, but I couldn’t get out of there because Dennis was exponentially stronger than me, so I knew there was no use in even bothering. A booming voice, however, echoed in the hallway, making me flinch at the noise. “SILENCE! What the hell is going on here?!” the deep voice rang out, a funeral silence taking over, only my soft whimpers being heard.

Dennis: STOP CRYING, YOU BITCH! Didn’t you hear our King asked for silence?! Me: S-Sorry… Dennis: And open your eyes when he’s here, stop being so disrespectful for someone clearly superior to you! Come on, now, on your knees, like the little bitch that you are!

Dennis laughed as he put his hand on my throat, squeezing a bit before throwing me to the ground, in front of Billy. I could only tremble on the ground, not daring to move. I learnt it the hard way that getting away always made it worse.

Billy is the most popular guy in the High school, making all the ex-popular guys hang out with him to gain popularity. He has always been the talk of the school, the womanizer, the rebel, the cool guy everyone loved and feared. Despite everything, I expected him to side with his friends…Even if a little part of me wished for him not to.

The silence in the halls was far more excruciatingly painful than the mockings and the laughter, but it soon vanished as a voice darker and lower than before started talking. He was clearly pissed off.

Billy: …What the fuck were you doing here…? Dennis: We were teaching this bitch a lesson, of course! Make her remember her rightful place! Clarisse: No, no, if you were doing that, you’d have thrown her in the trash bin, 'cause that’s what she is! Carol: Hey, Christine, look at her! She’s staying there like she wants to suck King Billy’s dick! What a shameless slut, on her knees in front of everyone! Billy: Did I, even once, ask ANY of you to do anything like this…? Dennis: Well, no, but she’s been rubbing her pathetic germs all over you! Following you like some lost puppy just 'cause you’re popular, and even more! Lying to us! Carol: Ha, yeah! She kept saying she’s dating you and that you already fucked! Pshh, whore! Me: I…Never… Carol: Oh, shut up, nobody cares what you’re saying, get a hint! Billy: Are you 4 fucking out of your GOD DAMN MINDS?! Dennis: Uhm…B-Billy, what’s the matter? Billy: WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU TO DO THAT TO HER?! SHE’S MY PROJECT PARTNER AND MY TUTOR, OF COURSE SHE’S HANGING AROUND WITH ME! You fucking idiots, I’m gonna FUCKING KILL ALL OF YOU! All of you stay around me like whores on the sidewalk wanting to get some cheap money, but you’re all good for nothing! Dennis: Come on, Billy, you’re new here, but she’s a freak, okay? I mean, look at her! There are only bad rumours about her and you should hear what her EXes say about her!

Before Dennis could say another word, he was slammed on the locker behind him and choked. I cringed at the sudden noise, but when I saw the outright rage on Billy’s face as he choked Dennis, he drew back one of his arms, wanting to punch him, but I threw myself on his arm.

Me: Billy…Please don’t… Billy: Get back, dollface. This fuckass needs to be taught some discipline the hard way! Me: Billy…Please, I beg of you. Please let him go. Please. Billy: But look at you, they made you cry! I can’t let them get away with this! Me: Billy…Please, for me, please don’t do it. Please stop. Please. Let’s go work on the project. Please. I beg you with all my heart. Billy: *glaring* What the hell is wrong with everyone in this fucking town?! You’re all a bunch of submissive fucktards with no brains at all!

Billy sneered, throwing Dennis away from him and walking down the corridor. I took 3 deep breaths to calm myself, before I ran to him and hugged him tightly from behind, making him freeze in his tracks, extremely tense.

Me: I-I’m very sorry, Billy. I know I only bring you troubles. Even now, I can feel that you hate me touching you like this, but it was the only way I could think of thanking you. And…And…I really appreciate you saving me…And not fighting in my presence. Billy: I really don’t get you. You just stood there, letting them do whatever the hell they wanted with you! There was no struggle, no fight in you! Nothing!

By this point, I let my arms fall down my sides and he turned around to face me, yet my gaze was still on the floor.

Me: You really think I could have gotten out of there? That I could have managed to throw Dennis off of me? Look at me, Billy. My arms are literal noodles, I can’t even punch. Hell, sometimes I struggle to open the water bottle cap. And if I tried to scream…Who do you think would have helped me? Harrington? Wheeler? The lovely Carol and Tina? Or Tommy? The only person who was okay with me in this high school has been Jonathan Byers, but people hate him too, so I can’t possibly make him get bullied more because of me. What would you have me do? It’s been 3 years already…What’s one more? Billy: …You’re so godamn irritating. Me: I know…I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for causing you so much trouble. I…I will go tell Mrs. Green to assign you a new project partner and I will continue tutoring you, if you wish, where people won’t have to see us in the same room. Billy: Did I ask you to do that? Me: N-No, but- Billy: But nothing. Shut up and let’s go, you’re supposed to be tutoring me today. Me: I-I know, but we said outside, and if people see you with me- Billy: Then let’s skip. I don’t have Basketball practice today, so I don’t really care. Me: I-I…I never skipped before… Billy: *shrugs* There’s always a first time for everything. C'mon, if you get in trouble, you just say I kidnapped you or somethin’, chill out. Me: A-Are you sure about this…? Billy: Yeah, yeah. Hop along, I’ll drive. Me: Where are we going? Billy: My place. My parents won’t be coming home tonight so nobody to disturb us. Me: Uhm…Well… Billy: I won’t do anything to you, fuck’s sake. Me: W-Well…If you’re sure it’s no problem… Billy: Get in the car, then. Me: B-But my motorbike- Billy: You have a motorbike? Me: Y-Yeah…Couldn’t really afford a car. And it’s pretty neat. Billy: Fuck, babe, you’re so hot. Me: Ah, I-I’m really not. Billy: I’ll get ya to your house and pick you up tomorrow then. C'mon, sweet cheeks, lemme show you my love. Me: Okay, okay.

He winked at me before signaling me with his head to follow him to his car, where he patted the hood very proudly and smirked, leaning on the door. He got inside, starting the ignition, which was a cue for me to get inside too, putting on my seat belt and gripping it tightly.

Billy: How d'ya like it? Me: It’s very pretty. What car is it? Billy: '79 Camaro, Chevrolet. Complete chick magnet, ya get me? Me: It is very nice. Billy: Fancy some music! Me: Oh, yes!

Smirking at me, he put “You shook me all night long” by Scorpions at max volume, making me grin at him in glee and start singing the lyrics of the song, and he followed my lead, making both of us scream like idiots above the music. Then, the perfect Mixtape with AC/DC songs started, featuring “Highway to hell”, “Hells bells”, “You shook me all night long”, “Dirty deeds done dirt cheap” and my favourite, “T.N.T.”, but by the end of it, we already got to his house, which made me pout a bit before laughing and getting out of the car.

Me: Thanks for this, Billy! It was super fun! Nobody I know listens to the same kind of music I do, and being able to sing with someone else was sooo cool! Billy: Next time, try screaming my name, 'cause damn that was sexy as hell. Me: *laughs* Don’t be silly. Billy: *winks* I’m not.

He guided me to his room which was filled with band posters over which I started gushing about as he brought some snacks and soda for us to munch on as we study. I took off my boots before I jumped on the bed criss-crossed as I spread my noted for today’s tutoring, repeating some things myself, so I won’t stutter explaining too much, but before I realised it, he already threw the bags of crisps on the bed over my notes, making me yelp in shock.

Billy: You get scared pretty easily. Me: Y-Yeah, I mean, that was pretty unexpected. Uhm…Let’s clean up a bit, you made a mess of my notes. Oh, bring your notebook, you’ll need it. O-Oh, right, I brought coloured crayons, I wasn’t sure you had…And your sister might have needed them. Billy: How did ya know I had a sister? Me: Well, I kinda guessed. Both you and her transferred from Cali on the same day, at the same time. Billy: Why do you know about little brats? Me: *shrugs* I have a few little friends. They don’t mind that I’m a nerd…'Cause they are too. It’s pretty fun, actually! Billy: *raises eyebrow* Right. So, why’d I need crayons? Me: Drawings, of course! To understand Biology better, one must need tons of schemes and drawings. I already have mine and I will give them to you for as long as you need, but I’d appreciate it if you were to draw them by yourself too, since it will really help you understand and memorise better what you’re about the learn. Billy: Right…Okay, fine. Me: So, if it’s okay with you, should we start talking about Cells? Shapes, roles, the organelles inside it and what they do. Then, we should cover the tissues a bit, before starting to talk particularities, mainly, to explain the Neuron, how reflexes work and why, and then cover the nerves and organs. Billy: *blank look* Good luck. Me: Huh? What do you mean? Billy: It’s gonna be tough getting me to understand this shit. Me: I don’t think so. I have faith in you. Mrs.Green said that all your grades are above average, which is really good! If you manage to get a B at Biology as your final mark, then you have a very strong chance at a scholarship! Billy: How d'ya know that? Me: You are the best at sports, Billy. The teacher always praises you, despite all the…Uhmmm…L-Let’s call it problematic behaviour. I’m sorry. And, uhm…Our highschool has 1 Sports Scholarship, and 1 Studies Scholarship. Billy: And clearly, you’re the one to get the Studies one, right? Me: *blushes* Well…Y-Yes, it seems so. Billy: And how are you so sure I’m the one qualified for the Sports one? Me: Well…I…I spend a lot of time around teachers. It’s kind of a safe haven where nobody can bully me, and I get to find out a few things as well. Billy: Holy shit, you’re such a Vixen~! You, little, naughty vixen! Me: *chuckles* I…I’ve been called Fox before. Billy: And rightfully so. Me: Y-Yeah, carrot hair, I know. Billy: Oh, shush, it’s hot. And damn, looks damn good with your green eyes. Me: *clears throat* N-Nobody said that before. Uhm, s-so! As I was saying, because you’re currently the top choice…That’s actually why Mrs.Green wanted you to pair up with me. She saw potential in you and she didn’t want it wasted. Before you, there was Steve Harrington, but since you came… Billy: Oh, babe, trust me, I’m gonna come very soon if you keep praising me like that. Me: *confused* What do you mean? Billy: You…Didn’t get that? Me: *shakes head* Should I have? Billy: Never mind. So, what am I supposed to do? Me: Basically, get that B in Biology, win at least 3 of your upcoming Basketball matches until the end of the year…And I think it’s settled. Billy: I’d kiss you right now. Me: *scratches the back of my neck* You wouldn’t like it. So, uhm…Is this enough of a motivator for you? Billy: It could be…Okay, babe, work the hell outta me. Me: S-So, I was thinking, if it’s okay with you, that I should give you a test after each chapter we finish. Like a revision. I think it would be nice and it would help you not forget some things, and also, see where you didn’t understand well enough and all that stuff. Billy: What’s the passing grade, teacher? Me: *flustered* D-Don’t call me that, please, I would be a terrible teacher. I think…A 75% should suffice Billy: That’s quite a lot, babe. Me: *smiles* You can do it, Billy. Your future self is going to thank you for your struggles and hard work. Billy: How about a motivator? Me: Isn’t the Scholarship enough? Billy: It is…But Y'know, it’s gon’ be hard. Me: I suppose you’re right…Okay, what do you have in mind? Billy: *smirks* Each time I get a passing grade at your tests…Let me kiss you. Me: *eyes wide* Wh-What?! Billy: Aww, come on, babe, it’s just a kiss and it’s gon’ help motivate me to study hard. Don’t cha wanna help me get that scholarship? Me: *blushes furiously* I-I-I…Wh-Why w-would you want that?! Billy: Because you’re adorable as hell and I like you. Me: L-Like you like all girls? Billy: Who said I liked them? They’re all dumb and want the same thing. Can you guess? Me: *shrugs* Dunno. Billy: Come on, babe, think, you’re smart. Me: I guess? Billy: You’re the smartest babe I’ve ever got the pleasure to meet. All fucktards at school want just one thing, 'cause they’re all shallow brain dead suckers. They aaaaaall just wanna fuck. Me: A-And don’t you do the same? Billy: I do. Me: Th-Then why’d you want me to kiss you? To add me to your list or something? Billy: Nahh, I’d be a real shithead if I were to take advantage of you like that. Me: *mutters* Wouldn’t be the first one… Billy: *raises eyebrow* Do you trust me? Me: Don’t take it personal, I don’t really trust anyone. Billy: Huh. Not bad. Let’s make a deal, toots. I’ll do my best to raise up to your expectations and you’ll give me those little rewards. If by the time we finish everything you won’t be satisfied with how I behave, then you can hate me all your life and I won’t bother you again. Me: B-But I don’t wanna hate you. Billy: *gets closer to my face* Even better. So, wadya say, sweetling? Me: Uhmm…Well…I-I don’t know… Billy: Come on, Kitten, what’s the harm? It’s just a kiss. Me: *blushes* Uhm…Uhmmm…F-Fine…If it will help you… Billy: Thanks, babe! Now, how about I see what to expect~? Me: NO!

With each question, he just kept getting closer and closer to my face, while I leaned backwards, until the last where I got so flustered that I didn’t realise I was completely on the edge of the bed… Until I fell off with a high-pitched squeal and a thud, while he just laughed his ass off looking at me, as I pouted and looked at him done with life.

Me: You could’ve caught me, y'know? Billy: Sorry, toots, I was too shocked to realise. But, shoulda seen your face, t'was hilarious! Priceless! Me: Yes, yes, I’m hilarious, ha-ha! Just wait till you see how hilarious the tests are gonna be! And I’ll laugh in your face like you do right now! Billy: Ohhh, mrrrr, babe, you’re on fire! Fine, you’re on, then! But I’ll show ya it’s gon’ be worth it. Me: You better.

Stretching a bit I get back in bed next to him and putting on my best game-face, I grab the first pages of notes, the drawings and schemes and start explaining him in detail every little thing, telling him to repeat what I said from time to time, to make sure he stays focused, and make him explain what he understood so far, in his own words.

Despite everything, he was actually really great company to have and I’m kinda…Actually, really glad that Mrs.Green made me be his partner for this project, and more, tutor him. If only he could tone down his excessive flirting, he’s surprisingly soft and nice. Or well…That’s what I think. I could also be wrong, like I’ve been so many times before, and I wouldn’t be shocked in the least bit.

But…I really hope I’m not wrong.

Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

@klassickb

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Symbiote Spider-Man #3 Thoughts

PAD is back on form baby!

After a lackbuster issue #2, this issue gets back to what made issue #1 so great!

Like issue #1 the beauty and appeal of this story lies in how is ‘dances between the raindrops’ of the original Alien Costume Saga and how well PAD researched it to do that. Like i said back in issue #1 it is what that awful ASM 2018 annual should have been, even Felicia’s costume is correct.

It isn’t just that the issue works so well (mostly) in established continuity but sans the artwork and to a much lesser extent the dialogue (both of which are modern, the art moreso) this issue could’ve easily been part of the original Alien Costume Saga or indeed any 1980s Marvel comic.

The fun of the issue is how it toys with the power of hindsight. Whilst Deadpool: Back in Black or other flashback stories to this time period use the power of hindsight in such a way that, you can only really get an enjoyable read out of them when you’ve read the era they’re flashbacking to, this story does a lot to really feel like it is part of that time period.

The moments it plays with the power of hindsight are few and subtle, in fact being more relevant to pop culture jabs than anything else, such as referencing Cats and Disney.

Just about the only things that I spotted that were a little wonky continuitywise were

a)      Felicia claiming she wishes she had someone like Aunt May in her life. But she does, her mother. Admittedly you can easily No. Prize this as Felicia making a jab and playing loose with the truth. And in fairness back then the exact nature of Felicia’s relationship with her mother wasn’t pinned down. I’m not even sure if it is now because that BND era Black Cat mini-series presented it as strained IIRC (I only skimmed it)

b)      Felicia stealing a piece of the black costume. I just feel if she really did do something like that, betray Spidey like that, it’d be something that’d stick in her mind and would come up. You’d think it’d especially come up when she encountered Venom. Now in fairness maybe this will be resolved in the next issue. Again I guess you could maybe No. Prize why this was never brought up before but it is a little iffy

Speaking of iffy I have seen a criticism regarding the issue of consent in this comic, specifically because Felicia shows up at Peter’s place (I think it’s Peter’s place) and comes onto him, which he’s onboard with and then we cut to Peter talking in his sleep undressed, presumably naked, with Felicia commenting that she used knockout chemicals in her lipstick (has she ever had that before? Why hasn’t she used that since? Another little problem, maybe Mysterion gave it to her).

Obviously this is a betrayal of trust on her part no two ways about that but as far as consent is concerned,  we get into the topic of ‘Van Lente logic’ as I call it. We don’t see what happens just the before and after so what happened, in spite of implications, is up in the air.

For all we know Felicia got Peter undressed then kissed him/let him kiss her/they kissed each other and then WHAM he was unconscious. Then, unless they were already in bed, she could’ve put him in bed and gotten down to business with the suit.

Again, absolutely a betrayal, but if that’s what happened then no sex would’ve occurred.

I think that’s logically the most likely scenario here, I don’t think Felicia drugged him during or after sex.

There is one other tiny little problem regarding Felicia though...her narration. In one scene she narrates out loud to herself. Now this would be a nitpick usually because characters shouldn’t be written as speaking out loud dialogue that obviously should be internal narration *glares at Bendis*. However what upgrades it from a nitpick to a problem (albeit not a gamebreaking one) is that her speaking out loud to herself factors into the plot as it almost reveals Peter’s identity to Mysterio and also gives him some leverage to use against her.

Apart from that the only other problem is Land’s obviously traced artwork (which otherwise would look so nice) and it’s obvious referencing of...adult material...

Everything else in the issue was great.

The Electro fight, though superfluous for the most part, was a fun injection of action into the issue, with a clever little twist on the usual way Electro gets defeated. It’s not revolutionary but it’s something I can’t recall happening before (though maybe it has).

Felicia was very much in character here and PAD makes great use of her (as he often has done) and in particular this unique time period where she was in a vulnerable position. He balances out her betrayal and her disinterest in Peter Parker’s life with a sincere respect for Aunt May and a desire for her and Peter to reconcile. Felicia as always is at her best, when not strictly good nor bad but a bit of both and something in between.

Mysterio is also great in this story. PAD has expressed a fondness for a the character in the past, you can tell this from his Mysterio trifecta story from his FNSM days, but here being allowed to write the OG Mysterio who is definitely alive and not at all associated with demonic powers he’s enjoying it alot.

I’d go so far as to say this is starting to stack up as one of the best rendition of Mysterio ever. He’s clever, manipulative, powerful in his own way, but clearly has limits and isn’t all bad either.

Last issue I was wondering how Ohmm and Kingpin were going to factor into the story as they were rather useless last issue but now I see where it was going I love it. it validates issue #2 for me.

Some final little points:

·         The recap page was cool, how it was a Bugle front page but one that felt like Jameson actually wrote it back in the 1980s, complete with contemporary references to Hulk and the Punisher

·         The cover title has some Carnage red bleeding into it. It’s a cool effect and I hope it keeps up into the next issues as the title transitions into Absolute Carnage

·         I don’t know what that backup story was about at all, mybe set up for Absolute Carnage?

READ THIS

[johnlockficclub]

Author Discussion

Welcome @silentauroriamthereal!!! We were so happy to read The Bells of King’s College, and even happier to have the lovely SilentAuror answer our questions about her fantastic story. It’s been a great journey, and now it’s time to get the inside scoop on the boys in this story. We’ve had a lot of fun with this one, and thank you all for joining us! We look forward to seeing you all again for the next round!!!

The most important question is, who did YOU envision when writing Greg? @sherlock-nanowrimo

Greg? No one, actually!

How do you get inspiration too a new fic? @tildathings

I don't know, honestly. I never sit down and go, "hmm, I'd like to write a new fic, what should I write?" I just have ideas in my head all the time and generally order them so that I know what I'm going to work on next. I don't typically go hunting for story ideas

I want to know how you write in general. This story to me feels like one of those write as you go stories. Was it? @elwinglyre

I NEVER write as I go. I always have the entire thing planned before I write a single word I always know the beginning, the ending, and at least several major points that come between, at least - overplanning is just as bad as underplanning

What was the purpose of using familiar names for original characters? @wildishmazz

For OCs, it just made sense for the setting? They were going to a conference, so it couldn't possibly be all people that they already knew?

Hiiiii! Here's one for you! What was your purpose for the swans? What did they represent to you when you wrote it? We speculated on it a bit but I’d love to hear what your intentions were. @hpswl-cumbercookie

The swans! I just like swans, haha! Plus, Cambridge is full of them! No specific symbolism there... I'm pretty un-symbolic, generally. Just straight up narrative

So is Cambridge a location that is familiar to you? @bluebellofbakerstreet

Yes, not as familiar as I'd like, but I once spent three weeks in residence at one of the colleges as a guest cantor (I'm a classical singer and conductor)

Was Mycroft really just interested in solving the case, or did he have ulterior motives? @sherlock-nanowrimo

Yes, Mycroft in my writing never has ulterior romantic intentions. He rolls his eyes heartily at the entire notion, though in his heart of hearts he knows that it's probably good for Sherlock. But he would never do anything to help it happen

I loved the tension you built up between John and Sherlock, especially John not realizing that Sherlock had loved him for so long. When you're writing characterization, how exactly do you plan things out? Outline, character sketch? @elwinglyre

It all depends on the specific context. In this case, I was taking them from literally two weeks out from the end of series 4, where things were cautiously okay on the surface, but there was still all this crap lying right beneath it: John still projecting his literal self onto his notion of what and who Mary was and needing to come to see that in a more realistic and healthy (especially in terms of his mental health) way, and having the two of them (him and Sherlock) actually talk for real about their issues over the years and actually fix them. I had also already written one fake-couple-for-a-case trope and wanted this one to specifically be one where it didn't work very well for them My sole purpose in life is to make these two idiots have a full, direct, and honest conversation just ONCE, since Moftiss isn't ever going to let that happen

Is it a deliberate choice for a specifc effect that you write in present tense, or it just sounds better, or.... something else? (I'm more used to long texts being in past tense) @srebrnafh

I used to always write in past tense, but something about this fandom in particular just makes it feel right to use the present! I don't know why, but virtually all of my Sherlock stories are in present, even in my 152K novel!

Do you think Greg could tell there was seething jealousy revolving around him? @sherlock-nanowrimo

No, he's a pretty typically thick straight dude, hahaha

It's difficult to make Sherlock be all sentimental without him going out of character, yet you suceeded very well with that. How do you walk that fine line? Any tips for us common mortals writing fics? @shiplocks-of-love

it definitely has to be approached with caution! Sherlock is FULL of emotion, though - it's all there, right beneath the surface, and the very reason that Mycroft always lectures him about it, because he IS vulnerable. The entire façade of disinterest is a carefully cultivated, yet absolutely untrue one! He cares so much - but he's also absolutely unused to expressing any of it, or whether he should at all, and if so, how. He hates looking bad at anything, which makes it all extra difficult for him and John, being emotionally repressed and all around hung up, doesn't make it any easier!

Do you find it easier to write as John or Sherlock's POV? You do both so brilliantly, so I'm just curious @inevitably-johnlocked

Sherlock, all the way. I love writing John's POV wholeheartedly, but I'm very much Sherlock in my own head/heart!

Jodie, she was a very good character in this fic. She really made us think about how we have become mistrusting against and good people in fic’s. Why are there not so many good people written in fic’s do you think. @tildathings

Jodie WAS also meant to be a red herring! It's not a technique that I've used often - revealing the murderer quite obviously very early on, and then just having the case revolve around them needing to prove it. So Jodie was also just meant to throw in some suspicion, for interest heh

What inspired you to use evensong in this story? I don’t know much about it so I don’t really know its significance. @hpswl-cumbercookie

I'm an Anglican who's worked in Anglican churches for a long time and it's just a really beautiful service! Plus, in the music world, Evensong is a service that non-Christians often attend strictly for the music, so it made sense to me that the Holmes family might have, too? I depicted Sherlock's mother as being the Vegas show-type, but his father being the one who took them to Evensong. Plus the Christmas Eve Lessons & Carols at King's College really is a place for society people to be seen, etc It's a beautiful service that's more music than anything else

Would you ever write Pre S4 or Pre S3 again, in that case? Or do you go with "as each series happens"? @inevitably-johnlocked

No, once a new series has aired, I'm stuck in the phase of post-that series but I don't consider anything written pre-canon to be AU, either - just canon compliant with the then-known canon

I also think of Jodie as a Mary Sue (one that I would like to be like). Is she you? @elwinglyre

No, I would never deliberately write a Mary Sue!

LoL I was legit just about to ask about how you do your case research lol @inevitably-johnlocked

Hmm - that's hard to answer! it depends on the case! sometimes I'll google street view parts of London for hours just until I've found the perfect street to set the murder on  I've also googled "dodgy parts of London" and stuff like that

I was wondering very much over  why Andrea didn’t try to kill the bride or the ex? @tildathings

The bomb could easily been going of somewhere else then at the conference. She wouldn't have killed outside her "territory", though. If they'd ever gone to her hotel, she might well have!

Can I say a thing about the antidote? I researched poisons a LOT for this story, like how quickly they act, what they taste like, how curable they are, etc, and I chose the poisons in this story very specifically, the only antidote that acts this quickly - aka, fast enough to save Jodie here - is literally the one that comes up in this story, and it's literally not in use in the UK yet. It's been approved for use in the US only, since it was developed there, so that's why the random American doctor showed up. It was the only realistic way to get that antidote into this conference it's called hydroxocobalamin and it's only been around for about three months now I genuinely do my homework for my fics, lol @silentauroriamthereal

The scene where John gets upset that the others are congratulating Sherlock on sex, we talked about it a lot and it was my favorite conversation in the chat. There were some slightly different takes on what exactly it was that John was pissed about.  Being a bottom?  Being a conquest? Gay sex in general? What does this say about his views on sex?  What were your thoughts in writing it? @sherlock-nanowrimo

All of the above! Being thought of as gay is something that I truly believe that John has a problem. John suffers from classic Short Man Syndrome, and being naturally perceived as the bottom is something I feel like he would naturally rebel against when he's not in his best place in terms of being emotionally healthy but especially the thought of having been a conquest, or having "caved" to something that Sherlock wanted and he didn't so much but I also think that John is so fascinating because his range of possibility is so huge. While I would say that it's absolutely in character for him to be a COMPLETE douche (because he absolutely has been!), I would say that it's equally in charater for him to be the soft-eyed, gently-smiling guy that we see after Sherlock's "England would fall" scene

LOL As an author, do YOU get frustrated that they're just not talking? I've always wondered. @inevitably-johnlocked

YES, omg, all the time!! like I said, it's my purpose in life to MAKE THEM TAAAALK but it has to get there realistically and there's just this huge backlog of stuff that needs talking about now, which makes it all the harder

John fascinates me, his relationship with family and friends. What do you think happened to his parents? Have you thought about them before writing anyone of your fic’s? @tildathings

I don't have a single theory. I've written multiple versions of what could have happened, just as I have at least 6 different versions of Harry now

I was reading another fic recently, where the author said in the notes that they had already addressed certain S4 things in other fics and didn't feel like it in this one.  Do you ever feel that way? @sherlock-nanowrimo

Oh, for sure for instance, I've written John discovering Sherlock's whip scars so many times now that I don't always include it in every single story now. Ditto for him discovering that he would have died (snipers) if Sherlock hadn't jumped, that it was blackmail, that Sherlock's silence was protecting his life so I don't always have them have the FULL DISCUSSION OF EVERYTHING in every single story

Did you have headcanons for Sherlock's past memories of the place (Cambridge)? @sherlock-nanowrimo

Not specifically, just family trips, usually during the holidays

Last fic club meeting all of us had ideas for a second fic. From bachelor party sorry forgot what that’s called in English, to marriage with very much fluff. Is fluffy story something you could think of  writing? Oh! And competition between Rock Greg and Greg Lestrade who made the best party! @tildathings

I never deliberately write "fluff" and find the term insulting, honestly that said, I am planning on a sequel to Isosceles, my most recent, where they go to LA to visit Corey (the OC in that story) and that will be on the lighter side, haha "fluff", to me, says "without substance" rather than simply "romantic" or "happy ending"

Can I just ask, as the author, writing that first get together after the ball, where was your mind? I'm not quite sure how to word it. like, Sherlock's and John's actions both make a lot of sense and very much feed off one another, but how did you get to that action specifically?. does that make sense? @hpswl-cumbercookie

My intention there was for them to hook up but without having had the major conversations that needed to happen first, plus John's jealousy rearing its ugly head and causing him (and remember, he was drunk and very much sans filters!) to say something hurtful that Sherlock definitely remembered, and for it to be the opposite of fixing their issues, but exacerbate them even further I did want their natural (and seven years built-up!) chemistry to take over, but for it to have happened out of order

Alrighty friends! Thank you all so much for joining us on this adventure, and obviously a million thanks for @silentauroriamthereal for joining us and speaking with us, as well as for writing this beautiful piece of fiction. From the whole JFC crew I want to say thank you and we will see you soon!