#it's legal here! you can go to the store and get some! but in fairness to my mom

[blujayonthewing]

this is now the second time my mom has mentioned asking my brothers to bring her weed gummies so she can try weed gummies, why won't anyone give my mom weed

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Can’t wait to see reader’s reaction when she finds out bruce wasn’t missing at all and Jason left for nothing 💀

"I can't believe we're selling out," Peg huffed.

"Hardly," Joni pointed out reasonably, contentedly refilling bins of bolts. "It's an independent family shop. Owned by a young mom with two adopted kids trying to break generational cycles of-"

"Okay okay," Peg huffed, kissing the side of her head as she bustled past. "It's not exactly a box store."

"AND she does do things for the community when she can, she's a busy lady, Peg. Remember when we had your cousin Larry's kids that summer and-"

"Fair enough," Peg said, ticking things down on her clipboard. "I still don't see why we're taking the money-"

"Because," Joni said, "Legally she has to pay us when we come to help out. And because if we take the money we can save it. Or donate it. And it makes her happy. And we don't live on a commune."

"I miss-" A yelp from you at the front of the store where you'd taken a phone call cuts off Peg's reminiscence.

"What the fuck!"

The two women look at each other putting down their bolts and clipboards, making their way to the front. Leaning on the counter.Not sure what's happening from your end of the conversation but- it's clear from the look on your face that you're less than pleased.

"And why didn't he just... Okay... No, no. Joni and Peg are here and the kids are fine. They want Pizza for dinner.... Okay, I love you too. Be safe. Call me when you get closer to town?... Okay. Bye, babe."

You hang up the phone and slam it on the counter with a stifled scream of frustration. "WHY ARE MEN STUPID?"

"Oh no," Peg and Joni unison, "What-"

"It's a long story," you sigh, rubbing your temples, "But instead of just fucking apologizing Bruce decided to just make up an emergency to get Jason to go to Gotham. He's fine though."

"Fucking men," Peg snorted, helping herself to a coke out of the cold case.

"Poor Jason," Joni tutted, "How is he-"

"Frustrated. Probably hurt. Annoyed- Mostly just happy to be coming home. He doesn't like leaving in the middle of the night."

Joni tutted again hefting herself onto the counter and shook her head as she glanced at the clock, "So- if you're feeding your hellions pizza for dinner, what does the baby want for lunch?" Hopefully, that distracted you a little.

"All I know is I'm ob-fucking-sessed with honey ginger beets. So maybe some of those and a grilled chicken salad," you shrug.

"And a pint of lemon cheesecake ice cream," Joni said grinning, calling after Peg as she started out the door.

"No don't," you protest.

"What?" Joni said innocently, taking a drink of Peg's coke, "You deserve a little treat."

[fushipurro]

Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

Chapter 2 - Synched Spirits

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☆ Content: 18+ MDNI, cowboy!au, fluff smut & a bit of angst in between, guns, mentions of blood, pet names, creampie, anal, threesome (f/m/m), gangs

☆ Word Count: 5.4k

“So, you must be Clementine then, huh?”

The palomino huffs back, examining you with big brown eyes. Her ears flicker with interest, no doubt curious to the strange new human holding taking her by the lead to the other end of town. You can’t blame her for being wary, you’d feel the same if your beloved companion left you for another so you can only imagine how she and your Valentine are feeling right now.

She’s not the only one cautious of you. It’s hard not to miss the many townsfolk eyeing you down, what with how last night went. Between the robbery and your duel, everyone’s on high alert for the foreseeable future.

One would like to believe they’d be more grateful you didn’t outright kill the guy. Maybe they wouldn’t care so much if you were a man instead of a natural born, gunslingin’ woman, but sucks to suck. That drunken fool is lucky you decided to be nice and let him off with just a mangled hand. Had it happened after Valentine was stolen, the results would have been much different.

You hitch Clementine up outside the gun store, pushing past the door and greeting the shopkeeper. They’re about the only person so far today not afraid of you, but in all fairness, he’s the one with a dozen guns an arm’s length away.

“Lookin’ for anything in particular, Ma’am?”

You hum in response, scanning the available goods displayed out across the various shelves. There’s plenty of ammunition for a good price; wouldn’t hurt to replenish your pistol stocks after that duel. You decide on a few, bringing them over to the checkout counter.

“I’ll take these and…” Glancing up behind the clerk, there’s several cabinets containing an assortment of larger weaponry. A little voice creeps up from the back of your head offering a wonderful idea. “…maybe a rifle, depending on what ya have.”

He turns his back to you, unlocking one of the many units. Across the empty counter in front of you, he places down a few options, naming them as he goes, “Rolling Block, Varmint, Springfield, Bolt Action…take your pick.”

You’re instantly drawn to the Rolling Block, a girthy beauty that screams power and fine craftsmanship. “How’s the firepower on this one?” you ask, lifting the weapon up to better examine.

“You won’t find much competition with that one,” he tells you, and that’s exactly what you like to hear.

If someone dares to so much as think they can get away with stealing your horse, then you’re sure as hell going to track them down and put a gaping hole right where their heart should be. That black-haired outlaw better watch his back if he knows what’s coming. Once all is said and done with, Calamity Jane will be needing a new nickname after you usurp that throne.

“How much?”

“$187 even, Ma’am.”

Tch, that’s steep. And more than you have on hand thanks to the rest being buried in Valentine’s satchel.

You sigh, begrudgingly looking over the rest of the artillery. “How about the rest?”

“The Varmint here is our cheapest at $72 if you’re goal is hunting rabbits and other small game; otherwise the Springfield is our next cheapest at $120.”

You replace the Rolling Block in your hands with the Springfield Rifle, trying it out just like you did with the former. It’s lighter in weight with less range on the scope, but the clerk assures you that with some express or high velocity bullets, distance won’t be an issue.

“I’ll take this then.” You pass a billfold to the clerk, seething once again over why you’re doing this to begin with. Money’s hard to come by in this day and age, as far as legal opportunities go for someone like you. So help that bastard if he finds the rest of your stash and decides to take that for himself.

Leaving the store with your new weapon in hand, you’re quick to notice a gathering of lawmen outside the Sheriff’s office just across the street. A dozen uniforms with an equal number of horses all geared and ready to go.

“Who’s the Sheriff around here?” you call out, approaching the group.

“That would be me, Miss.” The crowd parts, making room for a young, white-haired man. “Sheriff Satoru Gojo. How may I be of service to you on this lovely day?”

You scoff, This guy? He’s clean as a whistle. Even the star on his chest could be mistaken for a mirror with how much he’s shined it.

Any other time and his equally bright smile might feel akin to fresh rain in the New Austin desert, but currently, it’s more like greeting the sun after a wicked night in the saloon.

“I’d like to know what’s being done about those thieves from last night.”

His blue eyes wander your figure up and down. Curious, but invasive. “You’re not with the bank, are you?”

Does it look like I’m wearing a suit or a fancy dress?

“My horse was stolen by one of those bastards and I intend on getting her back. Today,” you hiss impatiently.

Giving attitude to a man of the law may not be the smartest decision lest you desire a night behind bars, but to be fair, you have every right to be pissed given the circumstances. Had they have been competent in their line of work, then the criminals wouldn’t have gotten as far as they had or even been able to leave town in the first place.

It’s infuriating.

And the nonchalant nature of this man only pisses you off further.

“You’re in luck then, Miss…?”

You reply to the man with your name, sternness evident in your tone.

“Pretty name for a pretty girl,” he remarks, earning a glare of disapproval from you that he shrugs off with a laugh. “My deputies and I are heading out on a lead if you want to sit tight inside.”

You place a hand over your hip, all nice and sassy with your face anything but. “I’d rather come with y’all than sit on my ass.”

Satoru takes the lead of a pristinely clean cremello stallion, its fur almost as perfectly white as the hair on its rider’s head. “I won’t stop you, but…” He pauses, hoisting himself up and over the saddle effortlessly, showing off those long legs of his. “…it could be dangerous.”

You pat the gun holster attached to your hip, just another way of showing that you’re anything but the normalcy ‘round here. “I think I’ll be just fine.”

The rim of his darkly colored cattleman hat dims his facial expression as he hunches down over the horn of the saddle, but not the light coming from that toothy grin stretching ear to ear.

“I don’t doubt that for a second, I’m aware of the duel that occurred last night.”

“Good, so then you know I mean business,” you warn, not once wavering from the eye contact with Satoru.

He outstretches his hand, beckoning for you to accept. “Of course. You want to ride up here with me then so we can get going?”

“Thanks, but no thanks,” you respond, pointing your thumb behind you at Clementine. “This girl will do just fine.”

“Didn’t steal her, I hope?” he teases in an effort to lighten the situation. It doesn’t necessarily work as you roll your eyes the moment your back turns on him. From there, you and the rest of the deputies mount up to leave town, destination unknown.

You hunker back from the rest of the posse, allowing the mare to instinctively follow while you take in the surrounding sights. You had come to this town from a different path than the one you’re marching on now, but given the view, you’ll for sure find yourself adventuring out here again in the future. The settlers here picked a beautiful spot to build the city of Valentine on. In the distance lie snow-kissed peaks and plateaus in nearly every direction, a wide-open prairie, and now the freshwater stream trailing at your side.

The stream runs clear as crystal, giving you an easy view of all the trout and pike that call it home. Measly shadows darting around in search of food and the ducks swimming along the surface. Sunlight catches on all the ripples, reflecting a dazzling lightshow of effects.

“So… what brings you to our fair city?”

You turn to your opposite side where Satoru and his majestic stallion ─ Mugen as you’ve come to discover its name to be ─ are nestled up at your side, stirrups annoyingly clashing with utter disregard for personal space.

“Do I need a reason or permission to come?”

“Well, no,” he pouts, “but as Sheriff I like to know who all is coming and going.” He further invades your bubble by leaning over in front of your line of sight, leather scrunching with every motion. “Besides, you’re an interesting change to the usual visitors. How could I not be curious?” he adds pointedly.

You sigh, giving in to his questioning. He doesn’t seem like a bad guy after all, compared to the horse thief you’re eagerly waiting to meet later. Satoru’s merely caught you on a bad day is all.

“I’m just a traveler like any other,” you drawl, a seldom undertone in your voice. “I used to call Tall Trees home, but that’s long in my past.”

“Bear country, huh?” He whistles out of surprise. “No wonder you’ve got the balls of one.”

“You could say that.” An amused huff leaves you. “Hunting bears is what ensured our survival up around Aurora Basin,” you explain, looking off in the direction of the mountains you at one point called home. “Had to watch our asses at all times to avoid Brumas or Lobo’s pack always hanging around our house.”

“Brumas?”

“Yeah, she’s a local legend in those parts. ‘A giant clad in golden fur.’” You exaggerate with your hands the sheer size of the bear. “Many doubt her existence, but my dad and I saw her firsthand one winter while hunting elk. Barely made it out intact but we made sure to leave her with a memorable scar on her face.” The memory of that day pulls the edges of your lips upwards.

“It's kill or be killed,” the words of your father sound in your head. “Either you stand your ground and fight back, or you won’t survive in this world.”

As they say, there’s always a method to the madness. Grizzly hunting as a kid is what geared you up to take no shit from others today. Especially for a lone woman carving her way through the frontier, you need to have the balls of a bear as the man next to you so sweetly described.

“Yikes,” Satoru grimaces at the fierce display of your nature stretching across your face. “Remind me not to get on your bad side.”

“Help me get my horse back today in one piece and you won’t have to worry.” You wink.

“By my honor as Sheriff of Valentine, I will get your steed back.” He pulls a semi-auto pistol from his belt, twirling it around his finger like you’d find in those animated photographs big cities always show off. The cocky cowboy, slick as could be with the metallic extension of themselves. “I’m the strongest, after all.” He winks back.

You have to hand it to him; he knows how to make an insufferable day a little less so; like a chaser you’d have following some throat-burning liquor. All it took was just some conversation and fond thoughts to get you back in the right mindset.

A pungent smell wafts your way sooner down the path, the luscious greens of the shrubbery abruptly turn to charred remains covering the expanse of land before you. A thin boundary of life and death.

“Forest fire?” you question rhetorically at first, but Satoru offers an answer.

“Kinda, we’re approaching what used to be a town by the name of Limpany.” He pauses, exhaling a discontent sigh. “Burned to the ground last year along with the rest of what you see.”

Kinda?

“Do you know how it started?”

There’s another brief pause, enough to shift the atmosphere in an awkward direction. You aim your head at Satoru, finding his downcast expression and a bittersweet smile. He brushes his fingers through Mugen’s mane, finding comfort with his trusted familiar.

“Since you told me your story, I’ll tell you some of mine,” he begins, taking in a focused breath. “My best friend and I were once deputies together, our sights set on becoming the sheriffs of a town no one would dare mess with thanks to our presence.” A flicker of remorse passes through the depths of his blue orbs. “We had a job that went sideways, and it wasn’t the same for us after.”

“How so?”

“I went on to become sheriff like we originally planned, but Suguru started to pull back and decided on going home to Limpany for a while.”

A pit in your stomach forms, giving you a sinking suspicion as to where this story could go. Considering his mood, the destination ahead, and the reveal of someone important to his life, there appears to be more to this as a whole than just a bank robbery. Nevertheless, you allow him to speak freely.

“Suguru discovered some serious corruption going on in the town by its people. In response, he ended up decimating nearly the entire town in one night, sparing no one. From that day forward, he became a wanted criminal in the eyes of the law.”

You wonder what could have been so severe to require that much lethal force, but at the same time if you were in his shoes, you might make the same choices. It wouldn’t be that far off on things you’d do considering how you decided to get back at the men who stole the lives of your parents.

Now here you are sympathizing with the man you’re hunting for your own personal vendetta. Oh how the tables have turned once you see the other side.

“I take it this Suguru is your gold thief?”

He sighs, “Unfortunately, that looks to be the case.” As you already expected to hear.

The town comes into sight, and with that, an end to your conversation. You’re surprised to see that despite the raging inferno that had occurred, buildings remain standing all along the settlement. Crumbling and disregarded, but still feasibly sturdy.

Smoke still hovers in the air as nature has yet to blossom and overtake the land once more. Maybe once spring has truly set in, new life will occur in its wake. So far, It’s quiet, but that may not necessarily be a good sign. Satoru orders his men to disperse throughout the town, going door to door in search of any signs of the gang.

The two of you hitch your horses out front of what used to be the Limpany Sheriff’s Department. The lettering on the building has long since faded from the flames but remains legible to a degree. Next door however is a jailhouse that stands without issue, and scarce of any blemishes. While Satoru is occupied with the main building, you decide to check out what lies beyond the iron door. There’s a click as you pull the safety of the gun, cautiously opening the door and ready for whatever lies inside.

Come to find out, it’s empty. The eeriness of the room sets off a trail of goosebumps down your spine. There’s smoke damage on the walls inside, but elsewhere nothing is damaged as far as you can tell. One of the locked cells houses two adult skeletons shackled to the wall. The bones of their wrists still nestled between the cuffs. The cell across somehow felt more ominous. The door is opened, leading to an empty room which in itself isn’t a cause for concern, but the scattered loot tells a different story. You bend down to pick up once such piece.

Is this… a child’s shoe?

Your eyes widen.

No doubt that one, but multiple children were being held in this very cell for reasons unknown. Is this what Suguru had come home to find…?

“Surprised? I know I was when I first saw this.”

His voice startles you, causing your sudden turn to meet him. “Satoru, what is this?”

“Corruption,” he answers bluntly.

What a cruel world this can be to live in. And with that thought, you can’t blame Suguru for crossing that threshold of sin.

A commotion sparks up outside, drawing both of you to the door. “Sheriff, come quick!” One of the deputies calls out. You get up to follow Satoru out as the two of you are led to another section of town where lawmen have quickly begun to circle. “It looks like they camped here and left this morning! There’s fresh hoofprints everywhere too.”

“Mount up!” Satoru shouts confidently, “They couldn’t have gotten far, let’s not waste any more daylight here!”

You’re about to whistle for your horse off muscle memory when you immediately have to remind yourself that she wouldn’t be able to hear your call.

They don’t prepare you for these things.

Valentine is all you have left right now. Losing her is like losing family. As much as you find yourself resonating with Suguru, the fact remains that you’re heartbroken without her. Hopefully she’s safe and the two of you will be reunited again soon. You brush the thoughts, running off with Satoru before galloping off with the rest of the posse.

The roads outside Limpany aren’t the most well-travelled, so for any decent enough tracker, the thousand-pound impressions in the dirt are easy enough to spot. There’s evidence a wagon or two may have joined the group, all leading down the Dakota river towards the Upper Montana. Trees quickly become scarcer as you enter this new area thanks to logging companies, making it easier to see everything in front of you but at the same time, everyone can see you as well.

The group stops short of a tree line near the river to use as cover. Up ahead lies a small home and barn to match looking all too lively and full for its size. A fatal flaw in their attempt at laying low, but one you’re thankful for. Pulling out a pair of binoculars from your satchel, you investigate the scene. There’s a long, gray-haired man and another shorter bald guy walking around, weaponry in hand, and several more interesting characters around. Among the dozen horses grazing from their posts, none are Valentine.

“Are those the men we’re looking for?”

“Looks like it,” the white-haired man sighs, tightening the grip on his own pair of binoculars. “I see some other wanted faces the Outlaw Killer was looking into.”

“The Outlaw Killer?” you scoff, quirking a brow. Interesting title that speaks for itself.

“Yeah,” he snickers. “He’s a crazy bounty hunter. You’d know him if you saw him, I’m sure. Grouchy asshole that only ever wears black ─ hell, I think all his guns and even his lasso are the same color.” He rolls his eyes and an image of the blacked-out stallion and its flirt of an owner came to mind from the night before. So much for a bad temperament.

“Good to know,” you hum, raising your new rifle from its holster, taking aim at the gray-haired man first on instinct.

“Woah woah woah, what are you doing?” Satoru’s urgent voice fills your ear.

“What’s it look like?” you calmly reply, “I’m gonna pick them off one by one.” The safety clicks just as the man reaches out with a hand on the barrel to low the gun.

“I’m itching to get this done with as much as you are, but I’d like to arrest them, not kill.”

You click your tongue out of annoyance, “What’s your plan then, Sheriff?”

“Let’s just get a little closer and see what more we can learn first. It won’t do us any good if they’ve stashed the gold, and I doubt they’ll tell us anyways.”

He has a point, sadly. For now, you’ll just have to go along with it. You lean on the reins with a tap of your heel to guide Clementine. “Have it your way, but just remember that I’m not the one wearing a silver star.”

“Hey if this goes well, I’m more than happy to give you one.” He smiles, following your lead with the rest of his men. Once again, he’s got Mugen right up at your side, hunched over the saddle to see your face. “You’re just the kind of attitude we could use; that and I’m enjoying your company.” You roll your eyes but the faint smile tugging at your lips gives you away all too easily.

Being a deputy isn’t something you’ve had in mind before given your sense of exploration and all, but another way one could view it is imagining it as a means of settling down somewhere. An ever-growing supply of work paired with using your favorite set of skills to earn money; all and all giving you stability and a place to call home if you ever decide that’s what you want in life.

It's worth thinking about if he’s serious. A second option to consider on top of Kento’s.

To avoid spooking the gang, you and the rest of the posse tie the reins of your mounts to some trees a few yards back from the tree line closer to the homestead. From there, it’s all about maintaining a stealthy approach. Plenty of shrubbery dots the property, so even with the lack of tall standing trees, you’re able to keep as low a profile as you can without inciting a shootout. The rest of the men can have their fun with their hunt for gold or apprehending dangerous individuals. Your first and foremost objective is securing Valentine.

Since she’s not outside, one can only assume she’s in the barn out of sight. It’s a good size, but in desperate need of some TLC as you learn the moment some rotted wood snaps cleanly off with a simple tug. You crawl through from the back, entering the structure into a bed of hay. Looking up from the ground, you quickly find that it’s not just you stuck in a 12x12 box.

A familiar tobiano paint stands proudly, turning his head in your direction. Beautiful black and white markings cover the gelding with a splash of white on one side of its face revealing a sole blue eye. The other eye is a rich shade of brown, surrounded by black fur.

“Good boy,” you whisper to the horse, hoping to not frighten him or anyone else that may be inside to your presence. He eyes you back with a huff and some widened eyes, but thankfully their ears move in attentive patterns rather than that of aggression.

You measle around to the front of the stall, managing to swoon him with your pets between soft whispering coos. “I should steal you and show him how it feels. You want that, big guy?”

A high-pitched whinny pierces the air, drawing your eyes to your long-lost Valentine one stall over. She stomps her foot aggressively, but her warning comes all too slow before the stall door flings open. Before you can reprimand yourself for being snuck up on, let alone draw your gun, the opposing force already has their own aimed nearly point blank.

“My, I didn’t expect anyone to check here first, let alone wish to steal Uzumaki from me?”

You turn slowly towards the man you’ve been wanting to see all night and day. The same silky-haired bastard that made off with your mare. He stares you down the iron sight of a Cattleman’s revolver, holding a salacious grin as he takes amusement in this whole ordeal.

“I think it’s only fair, seeing as you stole my own horse after your little escapade in town last night.” Unlike his suave tones, your voice is laced with the venom of a diamondback rattlesnake. Just because he has you cornered, doesn’t mean you’re any less dangerous than a pit viper itching to strike.

The sound of gunfire alerts you both to the events unfolding outside the shabby walls of the stable, all with the shouting of a dozen men. The sliding door to the entrance of the barn opens with a bang, and the outlaw is quick to draw up a second revolver at the new arrival.

“Suguru, put your guns down.” Satoru says, trying to mask the hints of pain and grief beneath a stoic demeanor.

On the other end, Suguru is cheerful and keeps his sight set on the other with a cheshire smile. “Satoru~ long time no see.”

You clear your throat, reminding the two of your third wheeling presence. “Nice reunion and all, but you’re outnumbered here.”

“That may be.” he pauses, rolling his head in your direction once more. “But I’m holding the guns here so it’s up to you both to decide how you want to walk out of here.”

Funny how things ended up working out after that.

Between some more bickering, monologues, thundering hooves, and dwindling gunfire, who knew a simple suggestion to “kiss and make up” would lead to you being sandwiched between them in one of the empty available stalls occupying square bales of hay to use as surfacing.

Straw digs into your back annoyingly, but the pleasure of two cocks in either end transition you to a state of euphoria. Muffled whimpers fail to escape, instead warping around Satoru buried deep in your throat. It’s long, veiny, and curves in all the right directions. His hands find comfort over the mound of your breasts, kneading into the flesh with each thrust.

You can’t see it, but those breathtaking blue eyes look in awe of your figure adorned with a sheen of sweat and the sight of Suguru’s cock disappearing into your perfect little pussy. “So pretty,” he purrs, noting how you’re glowing brighter than any star could hope to achieve, silver or not.

Suguru’s hands brand the dipping of your hips with a bruising grip, rutting into you with his especially girthy extension. Each jerk of his body hits right into a sweet spot bringing you ever closer to undoing the knot at the base of your core.

They both momentarily pause as you begin to unravel, choking out cries that leave Satoru reeling with pleasure from the tightness of your throat. Suguru feels it too. Your gummy walls encasing around him in erratic motions. The two of them aren’t far away from their own release.

The sounds each make only serve to keep the wings of your pussy fluttering for more. Irresistibly charming, and all the more passionate given the shared history they share, and you now caught in the middle.

Suguru leans forward over you, cupping Satoru’s cheek to draw him closer, crashing their lips together in a messy embrace. That one action forces each to come undone, painting both ends of you so perfectly white. They pull out, savoring the whining noise you release from the loss. The black-haired man takes a moment to admire how you clench around nothing and the cum gushing out like a waterfall of love.

“How are you feeling, baby?” Suguru asks, and both Satoru and you simultaneously answer positively making him chuckle all low and honey-like.

“You’re doing so well, but we’re not done just yet…” Both men exchange a look, as if reading one another’s mind. Soulmatism at its finest. “Well, Satoru?”

“It’s been too long, Suguru,” he responds gleefully. Satoru then proceeds to lift your tiring body up and onto his lap, making you straddle him as the other comes around into your view. “Ready for more, princess?”

“Less talk, more stuffing,” you scoff, taking it upon yourself to line his tip with your eager cunt, graciously accepting him into the depths beyond what Suguru could reach.

“You heard the pretty lady, Satoru,” the other whispers into his ear, nibbling the lobe as he slowly thrusts up into the man. The slick coating his shaft that you provided just moments ago make for a smooth entry, earning a deep fulfilling rumble from Satoru.

His fingers slid up your thighs and over the curves of your body, pressing into the plush to bounce you on him. You saw plenty before of the cobweb of veins that marble his cock, but feeling the ridges trailing along your insides leaves you breathing out such sinful sounds. He works it like the most formal of fountain pens, writing poetry on velvet walls that could put even Shakespeare to shame.

“Fuuh-uck,” you murmur, burying your face in the crook of Satoru’s neck, shamelessly letting him contort your body however he desires. Your arms wrap tightly around his neck and hair, locking him in against your bare chest.

“Now now, don’t go hiding yourself,” Suguru says between disheveled breaths, trying not to let his pace falter as he urges your face up. He overtakes your lips, mixing sloppy kisses with nips across your bottom lip.

Satoru uses this chance to pepper your open neck with marks fashioned all in his name, biting down with more force each time his lover hits that sweet spot inside. He can feel not only his own chest tighten, but his balls as well.

Suguru breaks the kiss, but only to push the two in front of him down. The weight of Satoru comes down over you, taking your mouth against his and soaking up the taste of all the combined flavors. Suguru unleashes powerful thrusts into Satoru that force him in and out of your own body as he chases his high.

“You missed me this much, Suguru?” He gazes over his shoulder, smiling as he tries to form cock-drunk words. “S-so much more aggressive than usual, f-feels good.”

“Not a day goes by where I don’t see a reminder of you.” You can just barely make out the seldom, yet saccharine face Suguru makes, your own vision clouded with a hazy white. “It’s just like the old days with o-our new friend here.”

“Our princess here is taking us so well, isn’t she?”

“She is,” he says, and you feel feather-light touches come over your thighs that attempt to coil around Satoru for closeness. “You’re such a good girl, I bet you want to cum, don’t you?” You feverishly nod, unsure how much longer you can hold out.

“Come on, baby.” A finger moves over your clit drawing star-shaped patterns until that’s all you’re able to see. “T-that’s it,” he drawls, following soon after.

Hot ropes of cum spill out inside you once more, making a beautiful cocktail of three. Suguru mercilessly ruts into Satoru until he himself finishes, savoring the feeling he’s long since missed and relishing in the new ones you’ve brought him.

Satoru’s body relaxes leaving you trapped underneath. You take the time to brush your fingers through his hair as you come down off your high, feeling yourself ground to the Earth in the process.

Suguru pulls out, leaving a chaste kiss to you both. His delicate fingers push the hair of your face, admiring the beauty of your afterglow. You close your eyes, soaking up the feeling of one another, completely oblivious to anything else.

Well, almost oblivious.

“It’s been fun seeing you again and meeting such a lovely new woman,” Suguru starts. You open your eyes and Satoru as well to see Suguru dressed and mounted atop the tobiano. “I’ve got to get home before my daughters begin to worry. See you around sometime.” He winks, galloping out of the stable before either of you can say another word.

Satoru stands up, exhaling a defeated sigh. The plan to arrest Suguru ended up with the two of you being detained by love. Both his gang and the gold are long gone to wherever his hideout lies.

Satoru helps you up, cleaning you off as best he can before readying the horses, and yes, that means yours too.

Valentine is home, back with her family.

You.

As you sit atop her on route back to the city of Valentine, you feel a discomfort in your clothes and the crunching of parchment to follow. The source of which is a pamphlet courtesy of Suguru, detailing drawings and hints on how if you’re interested, you can use these clues to find him and his camp of outlaws.

And so, a third opportunity for your future presents itself, but that’s for the future. For now, the only thing on your mind is a steak dinner. Here’s hoping the Butcher has finished his job.

☆ Notes: KFC breakup – saloon edition

Fr this chapter was hard for me to write. I love satosugu but I’m not confident in writing them just yet :( I cursed myself so many times and had to close to document. march weather also has got me not feeling too well so that sucks.

I was kinda stumped how to transition from gunpoint to dickpoint in a way that wasn’t so dubious or noncon so I hope you don’t mind me just skipping straight to the action :3 threesome smut is hard to write for me

[emberfrostlovesloki]

Criminal Minds June Prompts - First Meetings/Dates

All Photo Credits at the End

Good evening loves! We made it to Mayl! Here are some more Summer Prompts for June. This prompt list is inspired by the always amazing, @imagining-in-the-margins, who always make the best prompt lists. Her current prompt list can be found here (linked). I won’t write for all of my prompts, but I might for a few. I decided to go with a theme for these June Promts and it is First Meetings / Dates, and there are a few in here that I am very excited about.

The rules for using these prompts are that there are no rules! You could use any Criminal Minds characters, OCs, reader inserts, etc. You could draw, write, make mood boards, or imagine anything else. I have included 30 prompts for each day of the month. I also get inspiration from plain old words, so I’ve included 10 Summer words that might inspire something. Lastly, I’ve included a few dialog and art prompts too. If any of these prompts inspire you to create, I’d love to be tagged to see what you have made. This is all just for fun. I wish everyone a great start to the month. Please know I’m proud of you wherever you are right now - Love Levi ❤️

You can find all the prompts below the cut

General Prompts

Characters A and B try to decide on a first date spot, but they don’t seem to have the same taste in anything, so they have to compromise. 

Character A sees Character B having a meltdown for no apparent reason in public, so they go to make sure Character B is okay. 

Character A doesn’t believe in ghosts until they move into their new house/apt. Things get strange, so Character A invites Character B over for the first time to investigate. 

Character A doesn’t believe in romance until they set eyes on Character B for the first time. 

Character A is dressed for the wrong occasion, so Character B gives them a hand with a wardrobe change. 

Character A is on a run and gets hurt, so Character B gives them a hand. 

Character A gets called on a case to help the BAU. They didn’t expect to fall in love with a member of the team. 

Character A struggles with vertigo and Character B catches them before they can hit their head. 

Character A can’t let go of the past and neither can Character B, so they decide to meet again and pretend it’s the first time. 

Characters A and B go to a pride parade together and Character B has a revelation about their identity. 

Character A gets arrested at a protest, and Character B helps them out of their legal troubles. 

College tours are awful and draining as a parent until Character A gets a look at Character B, who has another kid on the tour. 

Insomnia keeps Character A up at all hours, they keep seeming to run into the same person on their nighttime strolls. 

Character A goes to pick up a roll of photos that were developed. They end up getting the wrong person’s [Character B] and Character A sets out to find whose pictures they are. 

Learning a new language is hard for Character A until they meet their new language tutor. Character B.

Character A is a hostage negotiator, and when they find out they are negotiating for a member of the BAU [Character B] the stakes are raised to a hundred.

Character A is in the park when a dog comes up to them, Character B is running around looking for their lost dog when they find their dog with a pretty stranger. 

Character A is getting married, but Character B knows a secret and feels they must tell Character A before it’s too late

A middle-grade science fair brings Characters A and B together for the first time. 

Character A has agoraphobia and character B, an online friend, agrees to meet them in person to help them try and meet new people. 

At a local fair, Character A has their palm read and is told they will meet the love of their life that evening. 

Character A lets their child paint their nails which leads to an interesting interaction with Character B later that day. 

Characters A and B fight over an item at the grocery store. When they see each other again the next it’s a bit awkward. 

An Amazon delivery driver sees some scary/suspicious things delivered to a house, thankfully they live next door to an FBI agent. 

Amnesia fic. 

Character A gets rudely told to shut up. Character B comes and finds them after to say they’d love to hear them talk more, maybe on a date. 

Character A is reading a book that is very complicated and unintentionally throws it into the lap of an expert in the subject in the park. 

Character A is trying to learn how to knit. They are expecting to class to be full of older ladies and are surprised when they see Character B is the instructor, who is young and attractive. 

A member of the BAU takes swimming lessons with Character B. 

Character A catches Character B saying they are touch starved, so Character A finds a way to fix that. 

Word Prompts

Summer

Last Day of School

Summer Camp

Date 

Flower Crown

Rock Star

Finish Line

Chemistry 

First Time

Reckoning 

Dialog Prompts 

“Sure it’s a date. Wait, it’s a date!"

“Now hold on a second. Did you just call me pretty!” 

“Listen, at weddings a single girl/guy is looking for one thing, a good time."

“Is there really a difference between pleasure and Joy?” 

“Life will never be the same without you.” 

“Run as if your life depends on it because it does.” 

Art Prompts

Any member of the BAU in a swimsuit  

Any member of the BAU with a pet or animal 

Any BAU kid running to Uncle Rossi

Any member of the BAU blushing uncontrollably

Text Break Banner by @cafekitsune

Tag list: (🩷) @tgskitten @geminitapestry @silk-spun

Want to be added to my tag list? Please check out this post (linked) 

Want to send in a request? Please check out this post, CM Request Post (linked)

Photo Credits

Top: Left (@emilyinsuits) Center (@kafkasdiariies) Right (@flowersforfrancis)

Middle: Left (@ancientsstudies) Center (@mickisnotclever) Right (@ex-injuria-jus-non-oritur)

Bottom: Left (@ex-injuria-jus-non-oritur) Center (@psykopaths) Right (@tokyocyborg)

[sterekmpreg]

Did Stiles have to hide during his pregnancy or his one of those dudes who can get pregnant?

p.s: what was toddler eli like?

I have such mixed feelings on that topic…. Like if you headcanon Stiles as Trans (FTM) then I guess he wouldn’t have too. But me personally, I’d say yes, Stiles had to hide his pregnancy from everyone outside of the supernatural world. His pregnancy only being possible really through being Derek’s mate and the strong magical power that has tied it’s self to Stiles through out the years of just being a human in a werewolf pack… but I have headcanons for both but mostly magical werewolf pregnancy that has to hidden.

Magical Pregnancy:

1.) Seeing as men getting pregnant isn’t ‘normal’, Stiles has to take a break in his college years in order to hide his pregnancy. They say it was a family health emergency to the school, his Dad was having a hard time with his heart again. And with the sheriffs history, it’s not a long shot for many to believe when they ask why Stiles wasn’t back off at college when he’d just started.

2.) Stiles has to steal some of Derek’s clothes are baggy in him around the fourth to sixth months as his tummy really begins to be way to obvious under his own clothings. Sweat pants and sweater or just over sized tees was Stiles usual look to the public in that time frame. And although, yes, Stiles is having a hard time handling his depression and anxiety with his medication dose changed and it’s effect be visibly seen on Stiles physically, when people start speculating that Stiles had dropped out of college and became a depressed pot head his dad and Derek basically went Feral. Shutting down anyone, mostly other moms, who give Stiles judgmental glares or rush their own kids away from Stiles when they’d pass them in the stores or streets, because really that was just un-fucking-fair and, “what, you’ve never seen someone struggle with their mental health? You’ve really been that privileged? Then maybe you should just mind you’re own fucking business, Bitch!”

3.) Derek is quick to get a home out in the sticks of Beacon Hills before Stiles pregnancy gets past the sixth month. He’d been working for his father-in-law at the police station anyways and had quite a lot of money between that and the money he’d had left from the Hale family funds that hadn’t been stolen or burned. The house is perfect, kinda reminds everyone of the Hale house before it’s destruction. It’s big, and spacious, but just in the right ways to make it homey and comfortable. At least all the way out here Derek could get Stiles outside later in the pregnancy for walks or to get some sun and fresh air without the judgmental eyes of the neighborhood.

4.) Deaton, Melissa, Peter, and Chris are given the task to set up a room with everything needed to delivery the baby in one of the spare rooms of the house. They go above and beyond with any and all possible out comes, it looks like a straight up medical heaven in there. Anything and everything all in the spacious room.

5.) thankfully, Stiles survives the birth of their son even though he gave everyone a great scare, and when people around town start to notice Noah and the rest of the pack members around town with a baby the cheating rumors zoom through the neighborhood. But thankfully, Cora steps up and says she was a surrogate for them, which quiets the town down enough.

7.) When they file the birth certificate, Noah simply adds adoption papers for Derek to have rights to make decisions for his own son and be legally just as much a parent as he was biologically. Derek and Stiles were so thankful for that, couldn’t imagine if something happened to Stiles and the courts tried to take their son from his father.

Eli as a toddler:

1.) Eli is a ‘wild child’ as Noah puts it. Always energetic and loud…. Just like his mom was as a toddler. He likes to run in the yard and the house even though his dad like to reminds him ‘inside feet! Inside feet!’ As he zooms from room to room squealing in delight with his father chasing behind him with wide, terrified eyes.

2.) Eli is a picky eater…. Really picky. He won’t eat any food that isn’t made by his mommy, claiming it just tastes different when it really doesn’t but his little toddler Brian tells him it does. Derek has a hard time getting him to eat while Stiles is away on work and it becomes common for takeout after the meals Stiles preps before he leaves for his trips runs out.

3.) Eli gets sick a lot a child, his werewolf abilities not active yet, and this makes Derek a panicked mess of a man. Stiles can handle his sick child with ease and typically ends up sick with him. He knows how to get Eli to take his medicine without crying, what foods Eli can keep down when his tummy hurts from the flu, and how to get the curly haired boy to fall asleep with no fuss. Derek, on the other hand, tries his best. Whenever Stiles isn’t home he usually ends up on Noah’s doorstep at midnight crying because he just doesn’t know what he could be doing to fuck this whole parenting thing up so bad. Noah sighs and helps his son-in-law take care of his grandchild and reassures Derek he isn’t hurting Eli, it just takes some practice, especially when werewolf’s don’t get sick so how could Derek even begin to know where to start.

3.) Eli likes to get dirty. Rolling around outside, playing in his finger paints, chewing on markers…. Stiles can’t even remember how many times he’d tried to let Eli use the markers and would get up to grab Eli a snack not even 3 feet from his child and turned back around only to find Eli have half a face of blue with a disgusted face as he spits the markers tip from his drooling mouth. No white shirts are used in the child’s wardrobe because Eli would just get them stained with dirt, grass, and mud after playing on his play set in the yard. Stiles has learned how much some simple dish soap and hot water could do after started drawling on the walls and smashing play dough into the carpet… he’s also learned that tears work great on stickers stuck on the rugs.

4.) When the pack of coyotes had broken into the house because Derek had left the door open, Stiles grabs Eli off the floor and rushes into the kitchen while gripping his and Derek’s child to his chest tightly. When Derek enters the kitchen where Eli is sobbing and clinging onto his mom Stiles stares at Derek with wide eyes and moves back when Derek reaches a hand out towards them. “Don’t touch him,” Stiles warned, his instincts where off the charts and he wasn’t mad at Derek, just needed to hold his son to calm him down. When Eli has calmed down enough he screams when he sees his father next to his mother and calls Derek a monster. This breaks their hearts and Stiles graves Derek’s hand before he can rush out of the kitchen. The spend hours reassuring Eli that his father wasn’t a monster and would never hurt them. Eli insists on sleeping their bed for weeks to make sure his mother wasn’t in danger and Derek can’t help but cry when it’s just him and Stiles because Eli’s at school. He never meant to traumatize his son by keeping him safe.

5.)Eli loves spending time with his mommy and typically helps Stiles make dinner by clinging onto his hip with his head resting on his mothers shoulder. This, of course, has made Stiles pretty skilled in the kitchen compared to before Eli was born.

6.) Derek and Eli spend a lot of time together when Stiles is gone and Derek kind of feels guilty that his glad Stiles isn’t home all the time, because then Eli would probably hate him. Eli magically dismissed that fear though when he was getting bullied for having two dads and he only wanted to talk to Derek because “Daddy is tough. Daddy is the strongest person alive! Daddy will know what to do, mommy! ‘Cause Daddy will ask Mommy first cause Mommy is the smartest person alive too!”

I have so many more head cannons for Eli as a preteen and such. But these are just a few of my headcanons for Stiles's pregnancy and toddler Eli. Hope you love them🙃

[robertreich]

How Amazon, Starbucks, and Other Companies Fight Unions

You as a worker have a legal right to join a union, but there are many ways big corporations are skirting the law to stop you from getting your fair share. You could be working for a union-buster and not even know it.

Here are four of the biggest union-busting tricks to look out for: One: Anti-Union Propaganda. Employers turn workers into a captive audience for false or misleading claims about unions. 

******

Btw, if you’d like my daily analyses, commentary, and drawings, please subscribe to my free newsletter: robertreich.substack.com

******

In 2019 Delta distributed pamphlets to flight attendants and ramp service workers warning that union fees would cost $700 dollars per year. But here's what they didn't mention: unionized workers earn $700 more per month. Weird how they left that part out, isn’t it? Amazon wallpapered its warehouses with anti-union ads. Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz claimed he had no choice but to exclude workers at unionizing stores from new employee benefits. Apparently when you’re the boss you can just make stuff up. Two: Your employer hires fancy anti-union firms, lawyers, and consultants. The company claims it can’t afford to raise workers’ pay but spends millions on anti-union consultants. You might hear your bosses call this “Union Avoidance,” but it basically just means “Union busting, in a suit.” Three: Delay, delay, delay. It’s illegal for employers to cancel a vote on whether to unionize. But they skirt the law to keep that vote from happening as long as possible. And while they’re delaying, they play dirty tricks to stop a union’s momentum. Before a recent labor election in Buffalo, Starbucks flooded stores with managers to pressure workers. One Starbucks employee reported he was told to go to a meeting, only to be greeted by six managers pressuring him to reject the union. So that’s how many managers it takes to screw over an employee. Four: If none of these union-busting tactics work, your employer might just break the law. Starbucks recently fired more than twenty union leaders. Amazon fired a union leader for missing work – even though he was on leave to care for a COVID-stricken family member. U.S. employers are charged with violating federal law in over 40% of all union election campaigns. I'm sorry, I just have to pause for a second here. 40% of the time? Really? If I broke the law 40% of the time, I'd be in jail quicker than you can say "Pinkerton!" Are companies allowed to skirt the law like this? No! But labor laws take a long time to enforce – if they’re enforced at all. And the worst that can happen is a corporation has to rehire a worker who it illegally fired and provide back pay. No wonder some companies decide that breaking the law is cheaper than following it. It’s simply a “cost of doing business” for a giant corporation like Amazon. But here’s some good news: A bill called “The PRO Act” would strengthen protections for union organizers and make many kinds of “union avoidance” illegal. Call your lawmakers and ask them to support it today. They won’t just be on the right side of history. They’ll be on the right side of public opinion. A majority of Americans, including 77% of young people, support the right to join a union. Workers at Starbucks and Amazon have refused to be intimidated and have started to unionize. All over the country, American workers are growing wise to corporate union-busting tricks. Big corporations are fighting dirty to keep their workers from organizing – and they’re still losing. Imagine what could happen if they had to fight fair.

[seriouslycromulent]

What I've Been Up To (Larroquette love)

A couple of weeks ago, I started watching a lot of films and TV shows centered around John Larroquette. This is not out of character, of course. If you've visited my blog before, you might know I spent a fair amount of time gushing over him in 2022 after I finally made my way through The Librarians series for the first time, and followed it with a re-watch of the original Night Court.

After that, I watched him in Boston Legal, only to get sucked into a vortex of awesomeness called James Spader. (What can I say? Like most nerds, I have an obsessive personality.)

I've since left that rabbit hole, and leapt into a few others throughout 2023. And now I'm back to gushing over JL.

Maybe it's the new Night Court TV series. Maybe it's the overwhelming increase in great fanfiction that I've come across recently. Maybe it's because the world seems to be constantly on fire and I need a salve to help soothe my psyche. Maybe it's a combo of all 3.

Either way, I'm still leaning in, and I just want to thank my fellow nerds for sharing sources and leads on where I can find more Larroquette goodness. I'm not blowing smoke here either. I truly appreciate this.

Not only because I'm slowly running out of things to watch, but because it's nice to know there are others out there who see what I see in him. You don't know how rare that is.

Anywho! Back to geeking out. Here is a rundown of films, TV shows and TV mini-series-esque things that I've watched starring JL in the past 4 weeks:

* Walter and Henry (watched on Tubi) It was ok. I didn't dislike it. I am a fan of James Coburn and it was nice to see John play a saxophone. I remember him mentioning that he played reed instruments in his musician days back in NOLA. So I'm going to assume that he didn't have to take lessons to sell those scenes.

* Some of the McBride film series (watched on trial version of UP Faith & Family streaming service) These weren't bad. Somewhat Hallmark-y, but I would actually like to see the rest of them, especially the ones JL directed. But about 4 or 5 of them aren't available for streaming, and those include the ones he directed. The ones I saw include - - McBride: Anybody Murder Marty? - McBride: Tune in for Murder - McBride: It's Murder, Madam - McBride: The Chameleon Murder - McBride: Murder Past Midnight

* Camera Store (watched on Tubi) I know JL said in an interview that he didn't like shooting this film, but I thought it was really thought-provoking. You can tell by the reviews on IMDB that some people didn't like the slow burn of the story. But for those of us who like day-in-the-life character pieces, it was very well done. One person described it as a modern-day Death of a Salesman. And I'd say that's pretty accurate. It's definitely not for everyone, but it's certainly worth a watch.

* The 10th Kingdom (watched on Amazon Prime) I think this miniseries was a big deal back when it came out in 2000, but I never saw it. I'm not sure why because I've always been a big fan of fantasy. However, now that I've seen it, I can't say I loved it all that much. So maybe that's why I didn't watch it back in the day. I think it had a great premise, and I loved how they wove a lot of different fairy tales into one big story that played out over 10 episodes (or five 90-min episodes on Amazon).

But I think I had trouble trying to figure out who the audience was supposed to be for this. I'm guessing they wanted it to be for the whole family, but some of the dialogue skewed far older at times and it left me wondering the rest of the series. Especially when it came to things on the topic of virginity, infidelity, and sexuality in general. It was just every now and then, the characters would say something that made me go, "What was the TV rating on this again?!" Also some of the scenes between JL and his daughter were incredibly dramatic, but very out-of-place with the rest of the series' tone. They were good scenes, but it's like it became a completely different series for like 20 minutes. But ... oh well. I'm glad I saw it and can now reference it in the future.

* Wedding Daze (watched on UP Faith & Family) Talk about Hallmark-y! Well, I think this one actually was a Hallmark movie to be fair. The subject matter definitely wasn't my cup of tea, but overall, the cast wasn't bad. Well ... JL, Karen Valentine, French Stewart, and the actors who played the daughters weren't bad. Everyone else was kinda ... m'eh. But it's not bad if you like these types of stories. Interestingly, one of the actors who played one of his daughters (Jaime Ray Newman) also played opposite him in one of the McBride films. It was the McBride: Murder Past Midnight one. In it, she actually came on to JL's character at one point in the story. I looked it up. She shot the Wedding Daze film first, so the McBride role came later. I'm sure that scene was interesting to shoot. All in all, I can't say I recommend Wedding Daze though.

* Chuck, ep. 202 and ep. 414 (watched on Amazon Prime) I've heard about these episodes for years, but I never took the time to check them out because I wasn't a big fan of Chuck. I basically gave up halfway through the 1st season. But for the love of JL, I made myself watch these 2 episodes where he guest starred as super spy Roan Montgomery. And what can I say? They weren't bad. I actually enjoyed them for the most part. It was also fun to see Lesley Ann Brandt playing another sexy badass. (Methinks, she's been typecast.) I also imagine John probably liked playing the scenes where he was tied up. To be fair, he probably enjoyed the whole thing. He looked like he was having fun pretty much the whole time. Still not a fan of the show though.

* Sanford and Son, ep. 505 (watched via a link provided by another fan) Having grown up on reruns of this show, I loved learning that JL was a part of it, even if it was early in his career and he probably has very little memory of it. After I watched it, I told my mom about it, and she said she remembered that episode after all these years. So that episode definitely had some staying power for a young actor, I think. I mean, how many actors can say they played a white version of Lamont Sanford? LOL! It was a funny episode that kind of gave you a behind-the-scenes look at what the TV soundstages of the 1970s used to look like. Plus, it had Robert Guillaume in it too. Thank you fellow JL fan for sharing it!

---

OK. That's it for now. As I mentioned before, I don't have a lot left to watch that's available featuring our guy. Madhouse and Richie Rich are both on Tubi, but I saw those back in the '90s when they came out, and I don't really think they warrant a rewatch.

There are a lot of things in the shared folder I could enjoy, but I'd have to download them and I don't know if my computer memory can take it. Which sucks because I'd really like to watch Baa Baa Black Sheep. My mom remembers that show too. We'll see what I decide next.

I'm sure I'll land on something else before this obsession quietly gives way to another one in a month or so. Until then, watch this space face.

[larcenywrites]

Since Tony's birthday is near (May 29th), could we get some headcanons for celebrating birthdays with him? Maybe waking him up with breakfast in bed and birthday cupcakes, just something small and intimate, just the two of you before y'all gotta go to his official birthday party with like half of the town in it or maybe a bigass birthday party his parents are throwing for him if it's young!Tony?! Young!Tony or regular Tony, whatever you prefer. Fluffy (and smutty if you want heheh birthday boy also deserves some bday sex)

EEEE, I knew I should do something for it today, but didn't have the time or energy to plan out any good one-shots or anything! And I do wanna do both :3

Warnings: sexual references

Celebrating His Birthday

young!Tony Stark

💠Tony takes any excuse to party! So your first thought is that you may have to chain him to a tree to keep him from going too crazy when his birthday comes around! Wait... when is his birthday? You still don't know even after you've been together after quite a few months. Hopefully you haven't missed it :( but when you ask, he whines grumpily and rolls over, but not because you missed.

💠"May 29th," he finally grumbles after you poke around (and poke him) a little. His obvious dip in mood has you deflated, lying limply over him. Tony hates his birthday. He'll tell you outright, but he won't really give you a reason. "So you don't do anything?" College is out, so he can't even go to some party or throw one, his one friend isn't from around here, and you weren't around until recently, soooooo the answer to that question is no.

💠His parents can hardly get him to eat dinner with them, and for once he doesn't want Things or Stuff. Because of this, it's just another day that Howard and Tony fight over, but Tony's been called ungrateful and an asshole many many times, so it's not going to phase him today any more than another. Well, obviously something is phasing him a little more today than any other day, but you can really only infer from context clues. He will never tell.

💠Even with you, he doesn’t want it to be a big deal. He’d prefer to lay around in bed all day tbh. Tony’s energy levels aren’t necessarily high to begin with, but he’s pretty low today :( don’t make him do too much too fast, don’t go crazy. In fact, let him sleep in for as long as he wants! Well, maybe not too late. He will sleep until the next day if you let him 😅 If you're feeling brave, slide under the covers to wake him up with a blowjob 😏 buuut he might go back to sleep when you're done... Maybe save it for later...

💠Instead, wake him up a little more gently that afternoon! Even he can't help but smile when you're kissing over his cheeks and playing with his hair 😘 Lie down on top of him and you'll probably be tempted to join him in bed, after all, but- no! Today isn't a day to be moping around!

💠But... wait. What do you get for the man that has pretty much everything and has done pretty much everything? Honestly, don't think about it too hard. Even if he's done it a thousand times, what makes him happy? Anything is better that letting his thoughts eat him alive in bed all day :(

💠If he's turning 21, even though he's already had his fair share of alcohol, be a bit of a dork and make him order a drink at a restaurant or go to a uncrowded bar. He can get it legally now! Amazing! He may even get a free one or two because it's his birthday! But it's also 2 in the afternoon, and his parents still want to do something later, so keep an eye on him and don't let him drink too much... or do and laugh your ass off when he's stumbling through the park, but you might get the cops on your ass 😒

💠You could take him to a liquor store, but those guys haven't been IDing for years 🙄 But you can make him try some weird shit like birthday cake flavored vodka or banana pudding moonshine! You can't exactly try it out now, but just because everyone else goes to bed doesn't mean you two will!

💠It may sound boring to you, but if you can find some thrift-like store that is just full of vinyl records and such, he'll be like a kid in a candy shop! Or maybe closer to a bull in in a china shop. How did he not know this was so nearby? He always pays for everything, so you could try to be nice and repay that this time, but be aware, Tony can rack up quite a big bill 🤧 Either way, he'll be pretty excited! If you can, try to get an album he likes that has limited addition cover art or maybe the record itself is a special color. His eyes will light up when you suddenly hand it to him to add to his pile, and you'll get a nice kiss right there in the shop 🥰 Tony might even find a way to hang it up or display it, he'll be so happy!

💠Hopefully you aren't tired of it, because somehow Tony is never tired of the aquarium! The penguin show? He's front row. The touch tanks? He's having more fun than the kids. The sea lions? Still scared of them. The reef sharks? Somehow knows another random fact about them. Get into one of those behind-the-scenes tours where they show off the water pumps and vet centers. He's never considered it before, and he'll be all over the machines back there! He's never been one for the gift shop, but get him a shark plushie this time 🥺 he'll act like he's too grown for that, but he'll be petting it the entire time he's holding it 😌

💠Head back home and, regardless of all the previous not-so-happy birthdays, Maria still tries to do something, bless her. She probably told you to bring him back by a certain time, too. She does a lot, but manages to keep it simple at the same time because she knows Tony will feel less weird about it 🥺 Probably just makes his favorite meal. Tony doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, and prefers fruitier flavors compared to chocolatey, so instead of a cake it's probably an arrangement of fruit-garnished cupcakes with a simple candle on the one in the middle :) that he really doesn't want to blow out because it makes him feel a bit weird and kinda gross :( but, fine, he'll do it for you guys 🙄

💠And of course she got a gift or two! Not much because she knows Tony will feel bad, but a few nice shirts for you to steal later and maybe another high-end watch that he needed another color in (or maybe matches these new shirts better than his other would 💅). If he's turned 21, she probably also got him some kind of high-end whiskey even though he literally drinks wine with them at home and stuff, so it's not a big deal... but it's all in good fun! Maria will even do a shot or two with him (and you if you join in) with whatever she bought 🤭

💠She's also cheesy and sentimental, and always takes a picture of Tony on his birthday even knowing he can't stand it 🤧 But this time, you get to be in the picture, and his smile is much more genuine and happy this time 🥺 That is, until she gets out the pictures from every other birthday to show you- including one taken only an hour after he was born! Tiny Tony!

💠Considering you both woke up late, it's definitely not sleepy time, even after all the fun, but those drinks will definitely make Tony a bit loud... Grand idea: sneak out to go to the beach and watch the sunset! With drinks in tow, of course! And maybe a cupcake or two.

💠There's a section for "kids," but who's to say you aren't allowed to use the swings too?? Force him to sit on the seesaw with you!

💠"This is stupid."

💠"Tony, we always do something stupid."

💠He'll gripe, but he'll have fun 😌 And by fun, he'll probably end up keeping you in the air while he's busy licking lemon icing off of a cupcake. Honestly, it's not a bad view, but pout about it just so he'll smile up at you 💘

💠Sit on the swings and cough in disgust at the cake flavored vodka, even though Tony will keep drinking it anyway and complain about how gross it is each time 🙄 You may need to cut him off before he falls out of the seat, but he's just as leaned over down in the sand, too. On you, of course! He's really not that bad off, just a little giggly 😆 His tolerance isn't as high as you'd think.

💠He's more interested in splashing you with water than the setting sun, but he better not get salty sea water on your cupcake! Give him a little kiss to calm him right down ;) and he'll just rest a cheek on your shoulder instead, and barely rest his fingers over yours like he's suddenly shy to hold your hand for the first time. Just cozy up to him and let him sober up a little more as the stars come out, and watch him still manage to point out planets and constellations despite the inebriation.

💠"I don't really know what it means, but mom said I'm a Gemini," he mumbles, pointing at a starry cluster. "I don't have a twin, though."

💠"I don't think that's what that means, Tony."

💠It's getting cold and late, so pack him into the car and sneak back into his room through the window, and he's already undressing before you can even close it behind you!

💠"Was it okay?" You, rightfully so, ask nervously. He hums thoughtfully, but the arms pulling you into him answer your question.

💠"It was much better than okay," he responds quietly, shyly smiling and looking down. Only your hands on his face and kiss on his nose can make him look back up at you. His nose crinkles, but his smiles does get bigger :) Too big actually...

💠"But I know a way you could make it better."

Tony Stark

💠One might say that every day must be Tony's birthday. He always gets what he wants, he's always going places, he throws parties every other weekend and half the time he doesn't even show up

💠But the day of his actual birthday? Oh, you'll know when it is, but he still might not even make it to his own party 😅

💠But the craziness doesn't happen 'til sunset, or maybe just not until the weekend if his b-day is on a weekday. If it is, he always takes the day off even if he does literally nothing. He's entitled to the day, he says. I still haven't recovered from being born, so I need the time off.

💠No matter the excuse, you could never say no to having him in bed into the late mornings, nor to pampering him even though he's always spoiled af 😌

💠You should probably let a terminally exhausted man sleep, but he won't be mad at the tickling kisses to his neck, or the tongue trailing down his stomach... it's not very often you get the chance to wake up before him, so you're both more than happy with a little morning blowjob 😏 Coddle him and cuddle him when he finishes, wrap your arms around his neck and plant your lips in his hair. Let him lay in bed for a while longer 😌 Possibly into the afternoon because he'll return the favor and it's his b-day, you gotta let him have as much of his favorite treat as he wants 😘

💠But once you do finally get out of bed, it's mostly a relaxed day. Surprising, right? Sure, his party this weekend is going to be wild, but just in the house with you should be a little more intimate and loving.

💠It's rare that he can or wants to do actual cooking with you! Probably something easy, though, like waffles or pancakes. And he probably wants to make smiley faces in the batter out of blueberries or raspberries or something 🥺 And you know what? Who cares about eating in bed today! He still does a little, but- it's fine it can be washed if something does get dropped but please try not to

💠Make a few cupcakes just for fun! He wants to put on the icing, though! Beautiful might not be the word you'd use to describe them, but Tony doesn't seem to mind 😅 He might also terrorize you with the bag of icing, or wipe it off on you when it gets on his hands. You could compete with him if you want, but if yours look better he'll simply steal them instead! And swipe that bit of icing off his nose while you’re at it 🥺

💠The house probably already has gifts piled up in the living room, even from business and CEOs from the other side of the world! They're mostly complimentary things, though. Just cards or native plants, maybe a charm or two that are supposed to carry fortune and luck. It's fun to just go through them all! But you could quite literally spend hours doing it, and he'll likely have even more by the weekend! Honestly... most of it gets thrown out anyway, so don't feel bad about your own gifts 😌

💠In fact, you really don't need to get him anything. As much as he likes to get gifts just to feel ooed and awed and all, he has everything he could ever want right here, and that's fine! If anything, maybe get him a cologne that you really liked in the store 😏 or just get him a silly looking tie or boxers with fish on them or something lmao

💠Absolutely make DUM-E wear a party hat and make JARVIS sing happy birthday 🥳 While your at it, put a hat on Tony too! But if you want to light a candle on a cake or something, make sure no nearby robotic arms can attempt to put it out 🤧 Tony will not be very amused, but it does make a funny picture!

💠Have JARVIS design a card, and sign his name somewhere when he prints it! Maybe a simple but sweet message in the center, with love, from us, or something 💛 DUM-E will draw a very very beautiful heart that takes up an entire side of the card :) it’s a little jagged and lopsided, but it’s a lot better than last year’s! Sure, there’s probably a big guest book at his party that tons of people will sign, but this is different. These are the ones that actually know and love him, and can write personal messages alongside their names because there’s so few, and in their own favorite colors! DUM-E and U also sign their names right inside that heart, just as beautiful 😌 Tony will never admit it, but every year it still makes him want to tear up a little 🥲

💠Sit on the balcony at night and light the fire pit, cuddle in the fake grass with some shitty takeout like McDonalds or something. He can still point out every constellation, and he still doesn't really know much why it matters that he's Gemini or whatever. He doesn't even have a twin??

💠You may want to keep up his mother's tradition and add another photo to the album. Tony won't mind, and may not be paying attention anyway, but honestly today isn't the day that he wants to look back through it. It's probably been years, but one day he will. And, boy, he'll probably be shocked at how much he's changed 🥹

💠End the night with a nice bath, with vanilla scented bath bombs and maybe splashing water over the side of the edge of the tub and all over the tile floor... get him ready for another workday or two 😔

💠But with the weekend comes the day of the party! Which is probably now at some grand ballroom or hall after an incident at the house a while back 😒

💠Probably just me being a service sub, but dress him up for his party 🥺 wash his hair, get out that cologne you bought for him. Maybe he'll put his favored necklace on you, with a little kiss to the back of your neck 🥺 and this is exactly why he doesn't make it to his parties half the time...

💠Be prepared to drag a drunken Tony up a flight of stairs and into bed later! Just stay nearby to make sure he doesn't get into anything he shouldn't! Especially that tower of glasses full of champagne 😬But let yourself have some fun, too, if drinking is your thing, but you still probably won't be able to outdrink him!

💠He is going to want to cut the first piece of that very tall marbled cake. Hopefully it's done earlier in the night when he's not as drunk and properly wield a big knife. Otherwise, you might need to help him out 😅 Or just get Happy to do it because you might be a little under the table yourself. Tony might be pouty about not being the first to cut it, though >:(

💠Did someone say fireworks? Yep, a whole show of 'em! Any shape and color you can think of! But you both may be too busy making out in a nearby bathroom to catch it... ah, who cares? he can shoot fireworks over the ocean from the balcony anytime he wants!

💠You won't know most of the people. Tony might know about 40% of them. Why is this person congratulating you? Why is some asshole trying to strike a business deal with Tony-- and his drunk ass is agreeing?? Well thank god this isn't at your house this time because the people on the roof are not your problem 🤨

💠When Tony is more sober again by the end of the night, AKA 1am, he might ask you to dance with him ❤ He might still be a bit clumsy on his feet, but let him have his moment 🥺 and a few kisses!

💠He's going to be pretty damn tired when you finally get home, but you probably are too. And whether you like it or not, you might have to help him undress or else he will just fall asleep as is. Shoes and all! But no matter how tired he is, it won't stop him from trying to get a little frisky when you start unbuttoning his shirt 😉

💠And eventually, that grand cake will be a small array of red and yellow cupcakes, raspberry and lemon if you must know! And eventually those party guest filter more and more into a smaller group that you'll finally know and actually be able to trust. Tony isn't too keen on the crowds anymore, anyway. Or the noise, or the drink. Plenty of gifts still pile up in the living room, but by now he hardly cares to look through them unless its from his small social circle. Besides, he probably has a much better gift in his arms that needs to be attended to first 😌

[orowyrm]

Could we learn more abour Seiber?

YESS ABSOLUTELY!!

tragically i’m at work rn and have much to be doing so i can’t go TOO too in depth rn, but i CAN give a quick summary of who he is and what his deal is and then link to some other posts i’ve made that go into more detail . he is my silly guy and i liek him :)

- Seiber Starwalker is a NPC in the dnd campaign i’ve been a part of for the past few years now, Feywild’s Folly! He’s an aasimar priest of Mystara*, Goddess of knowledge, who resides in the port town of Horton, which has been kind of serving as the party’s ’home base’ for the past few story arcs. While the chief deity worshipped in Horton is Njord (a god of the sea is going to be pretty popular in a place where a large amount of the population are sailors or dock workers), the religious district is home to a lot of different altars and tertiary places of worship for a myriad of other “””lesser””” deities

( *very early on in the campaign, every single one of us somehow managed to confuse ‘Mystra’ as ‘Mystara’, and it’s been so long that we’ve just rolled with the change. the entire campaign is homebrew anyway so it’s probably like the most insignificant difference from ‘dnd canon’ LMAO but it can cause confusion so i thought id clarify

- to help give our lovely DM a break here and there and also to better involve us all in the worldbuilding and give us chances to shake things up since this has been a very long and convoluted campaign, each of us players get to come up an additional NPC that we can RP as during the course of the campaign in addition to our actual PCs. seiber is mine! :3

- one of the most significant things about him is that, as a part of his vows to mystara, he cannot willingly say or suggest anything that he knows to be false — basically, he can’t lie, and also if anyone asks him a question he knows the answer to he’s compelled to tell them. this is unfortunate for him because despite being a holy man, he’s also not exactly on the up-and-up legally speaking a lot of the time, but if he ever got caught he would be compelled to confess immediately. also because the party uses this to ask him embarrassing questions that he has no choice but to answer because they find it funny to torment him. which is fair. it’s pretty funny to put him in situations

- mystara has no actual problem with any of his antics. she actively encourages him in most situations. he’s her favorite and she’s motivated by curiosity, so on top of egging him on to get into bar fights and send letter bombs to people (long story), she will occasionally physically compel him to do some impulsive thing to satisfy her curiosity. like putting a raw egg in his mouth or touching a hot stove. he’s capable of resisting her if he sees it coming, but he’s often deep in thought and doesn’t notice what’s happening until it’s already been done. there’s no malice on her end — she simply doesn’t always remember that mundane beings have bodies that can sustain permanent harm. he often has to gently remind her that people die when they are killed.

- on the topic of mystara, she knows Literally Everything which in turn makes her quite forgetful. even a god can’t possibly store all the knowledge in the known universe at once, so she’s in a constant state of forgetting and relearning things. this is why her preferred method of ‘worship’ is for her followers to engage in rhings like researching the world around them or learning new hobbies, and why her favorite offerings are academic papers or textbooks or personal anecdotes — she subsists on knowledge and the act of learning itself is what sustains her

- if you squint you might notice he vaguely resembles a certain erm. video game astrophysicist from a bad team shooter whom i still hold dear to my heart. he was originally meant to be a one-off joke reference character but we all got attached to him very quickly and hes just a part of the campaign now despite being a dollar store sigma ovw. it’s fine im better at writing than blizz will ever be. i’m treating him right.

here’s a few more posts about his background / personality / relationship with mystara as well as some art of him and his gf rilith (who is a WHOLE OTHER CAN OF WORMS but as much as i adore her i can’t possibly type any more rn. there’s more about both of them in their respective tags though)

[w3bpunk]

Hmm ok. So I'm going to comment on this, not because I feel like defending staff. But because misinformation is the enemy of improvement, and posts like this dont give an accurate impression of what is actually happening behind the scenes. I don't expect OP to listen to me because they've made their stance clear, but I think this is useful to write for my own blog and recording-keeping. The sanitization of the internet and data privacy are topics I think about frequently, and that's what I started this blog for.

Let's start with OP's tags. I want to talk about the original December 2018 porn ban that occurred when Yahoo owned Tumblr. These are screenshots from Wikipedia.

I find it hard to believe that Yahoo would have any reason to believe that what they were doing would be popular or profitable. It is true that if they were unable to stay in the app store they would also lose money since it's a fair guess most of Tumblr's users rely on the app. But this was so very clearly not the big bucks move, because let's be honest-- adult content is very profitable. It is just so easy to get hit by legal trouble if you want to do it safely. Here's a quote from the CEO of Automattic.

What I want to zero in on here is the fact that identity verification is mentioned as a necessity factor. For me, that is a frightening thing to propose. I don't especially want to be sending that information online, because data breaches can ruin your life. Now, what I don't understand is Tumblr users wanting sex workers to be permitted on here freely, while also decrying the data collection of Tumblr Live (more on that later) and not understanding that these two viewpoints are not really compatible.

Some might even call it hypocritical, which is ironic because there are people in the tags in this original post calling staff hypocritical for "allowing" Tumblr Live to show things that violate the TOS like this. Well that's the thing. This is "allowed" just as much as the porn bots are, which is to say that staff does not have the resources to spend labor hours on this problem because they are not making a profit and cannot cover it all.

I really wonder about people who say things like this. Do you want this website to function like you believe it should or not? Blaming staff for this is more or less equivalent to blaming waitstaff at a restaurant for being slow being they're understaffed. And the irony is here that Automattic is not understaffing Tumblr because they refuse to pay their employees. It is because they are currently operating at a deficit.

These are excerpts from a more comprehensive post by Tumblr's COO. If you want to read the full post, it is reblogged before this one.

In short-- you want to talk about profits? Yahoo lost so much money they had to sell. Tumblr's current parent company isn't profiting off of it either. Imagining Tumblr as money-hungry is about as accurate as saying needing money for your own labor at work is money-hungry. If you care about Tumblr existing at all, Automattic is probably the best candidate for the job based on them running WordPress. And WordPress is FOSS.

If you're unfamiliar with what that means, it means that WordPress' source code is available for the community to view and make suggestions for, and the service is free. This is how Linux's community functions. It is a huge deal if you want any chance at defesting corporations like Meta or Google or Microsoft. You can see Automattic feels a type of way about it from their company values (automattic.com/creed). Not to say I give them my full and open trust, but that I look at it with cautious optimism, and we need more people to value what FOSS does for us.

Lastly, let's talk about these comment tags from a reblog on the original post. I already briefly touched on the idea of data privacy, but what data does Tumblr Live collect from users?

The answer is that Tumblr Live collects age, username, and IP location. They also have a policy where you do not need to show your face for age verification purposes. That's IP location, and not GPS location like some apps use. Therefore, if you use a VPN, all Tumblr Live would have to identify you is your username and your age. I cannot stress how much nonsense it is to put this on the same tier as say, Discord. Discord is about to start scraping user messages in order to train chatbots. That is so many times worse because the data being collectived is much more sensitive. You, as a conscious user of the internet, need to make a distinction between what is actually sensitive data and what isn't. Not just stopping at "this service collects data" and seeing red. This is actually important in order to articulate what is and isn't okay for corporations to do with your data. One more thing-- the contractor being used for Tumblr Live is actually European themselves. They're based in Germany, who have always been more stringent about private data than the US.

Okay. I think that's enough. Unlike OP, my ask box is open for conversation about this. This wasn't written to be a dick, but because I wanted to do my due diligence here. My citations aren't perfect but if you would like me to extrapolate about something with a source, I will.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

I would NEVER shoplift because, uh, having an underpaid security person demand to see my receipt would STOP me. For sure.

Yes, Loblaws is price gouging. No, of course they don't admit it. Most of their stores have self-checkouts and they also like you to bring your own bags. I bring my own cart and walk to the store (Nice, walkable area right here! It's amazing!), an opaque cloth shopping cart, with a lot of pockets. It's terribly convenient. I go to Canadian Superstore, and Wal Mart, and No Frills, and Dollarama, all kinds of stores. Of course, I do not steal from these stores. Stealing is WRONG!

But, uh, if I did, would a receipt check stop me?

Wal Mart happens to do receipt checks - sometimes of everyone, sometimes just if you set off the alarm thingy. The underpaid employee who pawed through my cart when I set off the alarm thingy said, apologetically, that he was looking for drugs or clothes. Those things set off the alarm most. He found a large bottle of antacids, said, "Oh, that must be it," checked it against the receipt (yes, I paid for the antacids) and let me go. So, as far as Wall Mart goes, if you've got drugs or clothes (or large, obvious appliances and electronics, one assumes), and you paid for 'em, you're good.

Was there anything else in that cart NOT on the receipt? Food perhaps, or small cosmetics without security tags? OF COURSE NOT! STEALING IS WRONG!

But, say, if I were a really petty, vindictive individual, I would be MOST inclined to steal the things they fence off like I'm going to steal them, or from places that insist on receipt checks, or from places that are price gouging. Those locks they put on the display racks and force their underpaid employees to open again and again, for example, can be defeated by simply tearing through the cardboard loop the merchandise hangs from, or, in the case of a plastic loop, a smallish scissors. Just for example! Never do this!

Any sting they might be feeling from lost inventory is, of course, a side-effect of firing people and replacing them with self-checkouts. Some things just don't scan, and things can get lost in a cloth bag or cart. That's not anybody's fault! (Well, it's management's fault, but apparently we're still not stealing enough to make them reconsider the self-checkouts... I'm sure we've all walked off with one or two things that just didn't scan, that's how I mean "we"!)

I doubt it's enough to make them consider hiring more people, or pricing things reasonably - not yet - but it is interesting that they're posting warnings for us all to be a bit more careful. They must not be seeing quite the level of profits they expect! For some reason.

If you happen to look ethnic, teenaged or poor, they're going to hassle you more, even if you're not stealing. Legally, they cannot demand to see your receipt, but it's difficult to protest when a security guard is standing between you and the exit. If you get annoyed with that, I suggest making friends with a middle-aged, fair-skinned woman (or at least someone who looks female). Middle-aged, fair-skinned women make wonderful friends. Many of them have friendly opaque cloth shopping carts - er, I mean shoulders, "shoulders to cry on"! I'm just so bad at spelling! Make sure you check them for anarchist or socialist tendencies first! We don't want any law-breakers, ha-ha!

[forestryfae]

man it is SO nice to find a solution to a really shit problem only for 50 other problems to happen

i am completely alone with zero support in a house i hate, doing as much housework as possible so it can be manageable both in day to day life and so its not hard to just leave when i move, and i still am not getting any help getting rid of the stuff.

i have almost no money and i have to pay to take the train to buy food or neccessities and i was dumb enough to not send a letter sooner so i dont know if ill get my money until after christmas or not, i havent bought more than one christmas gift either cus im fucking broke, and i dont feel anywhere in my body that i want to spend time making something for anyone. my brother still isnt done paying me my money back and literally hasnt talked to me since last time he asked for money, my dad hasnt fucking talked to me in ages and the one time he called in summer it was out of boredom to ask when i was gonna visit them, none of my extended relatives talk to me at all so what the fuck is the point there, and my mom is just. a fucking bitch.

i had her removed as a legal guardian, not even on purpose initially but because folkenemnda or whoever sent her a letter before i was able to have a meeting, so she ofc got fucking offended and now has decided sve cant be involved in anything. she cant call electricians, she cant help fix the house, its "too difficult" for her to have to talk to me or my new legal guardian instead of just buying stuff right away, and she told ME to get a new phone service provider. i had to fix that myself. on top of her being, once again, a useless bitch. dont touch my stuff i say, its fucking embarrassing that you have dirty laundry she implies while moving all my furniture around and doing shit to my kitchen while refusing to acknowledge its my house but still treating it like her own, and not fixing the internet again after they unplugged it.

so i have no access to internet besides my last 150 mb of phone data unless i call some guy to fix it, but they wont be here until next year most likely so its pretty much pointless, and if i buy phone data i have to pay. so if i cant get it fixed ill be literally alone for two weeks straight with no people at all around me and noone i can talk to on the internet. except for fucking. christmas. idk about new years eve. and i dont even fucking like my family, i dont even want to spend time with them, they treat me like shit.

the ac doesnt work since mom got the electricians to look at everything but never actually hired anyone to fix shit and now is completely uncooperative. and after they checked the fireplace in that control like two years ago im not allowed to use it, and mom never actually got that fixed either even though shes been in charge of absolutely everything since forever.

plus both heaters downstairs are set to 27c or max and it still is only like 17 or 19 or so, i have an entire room in the house i straight up cant use cus theres no power and no light and 17c in there and its full of stuff i asked mom to take to the thrift store for me 6 months ago. also i cant leave either heater on if im boiling water or washing dishes cus that overloads the entire fucking thing.

and its just like so much bullshit all at once and ive been spacing out for like 2 hours while writing this cus i get so frustrated and upset and angry and sad. its not fucking fair that my parents literally dont care about me, yet im expected to be fucking sociable and call and visit them and reach out. they didnt reach out to me or support me at all when i was a kid, or a teenager, or an adult, why the fuck would i want to deal with them. but if i dont go to visit them on christmas or i point out that hey. youre not really being fair or nice to me at all, hell breaks loose cus i should be more than happy with the crumbs they give me, as if theyre the best people in the world for fucking. calling once every six months or letting me celebrate a holiday with them.

like. im stuck here for 2 weeks, im broke as shit, no connection to the outside world once i use all my data, i very much am still mentally ill even if im better than before i went inpatient. but once i go back ill have to go back to work and i dont have a psychiatrist to talk to and im not on any meds i think i might need and i havent been tested for anything yet, i havent been had driving practice yet, i can barely talk to my support contact, i need a lot more help than i am being given, im not getting the help i ask for when i do ask for it, and thats on top of shit parents and a shit house and two cats i love but am not sure i can keep given the whole thing where im gone for months at a time. and i just. how the fuck am i supposed to be able to keep a job or ever move out or make friends properly or keep a new apartment or house or be mentally stable. its so much bullshit all at once wtf

[miss-ari]

A Non-Comprehensive List of "Foods That Don't Really Exist In Australia Compared to America" In My Experience Thus Far

(Some of these you can find at specialty US food/import stores if you're lucky though!)

Saltine crackers

Graham crackers

Yellow/orange mac and cheese. It is white-ish here, comes in a smaller quantity but costs more, and does not taste the same. I tried making it like I would back home and my partner said "This slaps!" but I thought it was kinda dreadful :x

Twizzlers. Okay a lot of American candies are going to be missing but this is the one that hurts me most. Like, oh no they don't have Mike & Ikes- who the fuck cares.

Funky ice cream flavours in tubs. Australia does ice cream treats really well, you are pretty much guaranteed delicious results if it is individually wrapped. But anything outside of basic vanilla (which tastes VERY different from any American vanilla ice cream I've ever had in my life), chocolate, and neapolitan in a tub is gonna be goddamn scarce. I have managed to track down mint chocolate chip and cookies & cream but they were gross. Anything more complex- think moose tracks, chocolate cherry chip, brownie, rocky road, cookie dough, etc- you are shit out of luck my friend because if they do exist here they come in specialty brand pints exclusively and they are at least $12 a pop, kys

Jif peanut butter

Breakfast or "country" sausages. I actually had no idea that was exclusively an American thing until I moved here. No one knows what I'm talking about and I just gesture helplessly when they ask for details because I don't know what's in those either! I've never had to think about it before! But I better find out 'cause it's time to start making them myself. Send help.

(Good) Mexican food, just as a whole -_-;

Root beer. For some reason they have Ginger Beer but not Ginger Ale and I swear there is a difference but it probably doesn't matter

Ranch dressing?? I'm a good midwestern girl what is this fresh hell

Cheez-its, cheetos, cheez whiz, goldfish crackers- most salty cheese snacks. Your average grocery chain like Woolies or Coles isn't gonna have these and it's a little weird.

Fruit snacks. Presumably because they don't have enough fruit for Australia to legally call them that. I have found some at Costco but that's about it. Side note, the Kirkland chocolate chips bag says "Great for baking and snacking" so they've manually put a plain white sticker with black text over it that says "Great for baking and cooking" :')

Egg rolls. Actually most Chinese American food which. Okay that makes sense now that I think about it but orange chicken my beloved... crab rangoon... egg rolls... They do have "spring rolls" but they are kinda shit! Korean food is everywhere though and it is goddamn delicious. Oh and you can get mochi ice cream 10 for $10 at Coles. There's limited flavours obviously but they have strawberry and mango and that is all that matters tbqh (black sesame is a 0/10, truly awful)

Fritos/corn chips. Tortilla chips exist but are more expensive than you'd expect, and the "Hispanic" section of the grocery store is like. A shelf. Bitches don't even have crema smh

Velveeta

Cool whip

Not a food but Tums or even really generic antacid tablets- I cannot find them anywhere

If we're including not-foods all of a sudden: cardstock.

Candy corn

Lemonade. Australians will insist they have lemonade but it is fucking carbonated!! I'm like no no it's not supposed to be fizzy, it's not like a Sprite. "So it's just lemon and sugar water...?" Yes!!! God!!

Specifically this type of noodle:

Almond bark

Maraschino cherries

Trail mix

And your reactions will vary wildly between "Eh. That's fair." and "Oh dear god, please tell me the US import store takes requests."

[wuxiaphoenix]

Worldbuilding: White Gold

If you want conflict in your story, you don’t need to invent political plots or conspiracies. You just need to look for the one thing in your setting everyone needs, and the Evil Plots will appear. Consider the case of salt.

The history of human civilization is, to a great extent, the history of salt. Ice makes it in there too, especially once we worked out powered ways to refrigerate and freeze food, but mostly salt.

Three main reasons for this. First, salt is one of the best, simplest, non-temperature-dependent ways to preserve food. If you can’t put food by and build up a surplus, you can’t get past bare survival, much less build villages and cultures that write down their rituals, recipes, and raunchy jokes.

Second, plain old ordinary salt is useful for all kinds of chemical reactions. Tanning, dyeing, soap-making, mining and alloys - all of these use salt. Modern industry uses most of the salt produced worldwide. Look up organic chemistry if you want the gritty details, that stuff’s scary.

Third, humans need salt in their diet. It may be hard to imagine in grocery stores full of processed food and salty snacks, but for most of history, if you didn’t live right on the seashore, getting enough salt to stay healthy could be an uphill battle.

And here’s where some of the annoying aspects of civilization kick in. Specifically, governments hungry for Ever More Tax Money. Since everyone needs salt, governments throughout history have concluded that by taxing and controlling salt, they get everyone to pay taxes. Fair, right?

...I will pause here to let readers stop laughing hysterically, and/or retrieve their rolled eyes from under the sofa where they’re picking up dust bunnies.

Yeah. Not so much. Historically the people who most need to use salt to store food as a hedge against disaster are those too poor to afford getting fresh food when they want it. If you’re rich you can have fresh meat slaughtered, fresh fish hauled in water-baskets inland, fresh cherries air-mailed by pigeon post for a banquet.

(True story. A guy in ancient Persia proving a point about how fast he could get news across the Empire. Enemies took the hint.)

Rich people don’t have to spend as much money on salt. But if you sell salt, to people who have to have it? You can make out like a bandit.

(According to Everyday Life in Joseon-era Korea, this was the actual historical cause of many people turning bandit. They couldn’t afford enough salt to stay legal and survive.)

It runs through history like clockwork. Governments want money, they take over the production of salt, they farm out the actual work to people who can bribe their way into running it, the quality goes down, the price goes up, people make and smuggle it illegally... and there’s never enough. If you want some more recent history, look at British India. The government made it illegal for native Indians to make their own salt. This was part of what Gandhi used to crack them. (There were plenty of other things wrong, but salt was the one that affected your average householder trying to get by. Messy.)

If your story is set any time prior to modern day, salt is an important background detail. Nations go to war for salt. Beggars steal for it. People travel to find it, mine it, boil it from brine, and so much more. This Wikipedia article on salt in Chinese history lays out a lot of historical shenanigans, and if your library lets you borrow Mark Kurlansky’s Salt: A World History, even better. This is history with ordinary people attached, meaning excellent story fodder.

But your story doesn’t have to use salt for this. Just anything that a lot of people need, and will pay for. If you want your characters going up against villains like corrupt government officials or greedy merchants - here’s a place to start looking!

[ninjapotatohead]

Sonic Chronicles, a Sonic RPG from Bioware back when they still had a perfect reputation & is the closest we got to a game based on the comics continuity. It got B's & 80%s from various review sites & magazines. What could possibly go wrong?

Oh God it hurts, please make the hurting stop.

Here's 3 quick facts about me: A. I can play Sonic games B. I can play RPG C. I can't play rhythm games to save my life

Which of these 3 facts would you say is the most important to playing a Sonic RPG? Well it turns out the answer is C because every damn attack & spell requires the player to do some Elite Beat Agents bullshit to work. Made worse that the you-did-it-wrong sound effect sounded more like a you-did-it-right SFX to me, so I didn't realize how badly I was screwing up for the longest time.

In fact, the audio top to bottom is just terrible Shadow's "voice" is the falling-down-the-tube SFX from Sonic Spinball. & the music, Hoolee Moolee the music. Apparently Bioware ran into legal issues with their soundtrack in the 11th hour or some other shit & at the last minute replaced most of the tracks with MIDIs from a fan site. The results weren't pretty.

Story is.............ok. To Bioware's credit, they've done some homework & tied previously unconnected threads from multiple past games together to form this game's backstory & this was probably the last time any Sonic game remembered the Master Emerald. However, some of these callbacks don't really amount to much in the long run. OK, so the Dark Brotherhood built the Gizoids from Sonic Battle, what of it? The gizoids in the game might just as well have elite Brotherhood troops for all the difference it makes. If Gemerl from Advance 3 made an appearance they could've gone somewhere with it but he doesn't so nevermind.

Speaking of the Dark Brotherhood, the other disappointment is that this is like the only Sonic game to incorporate elements from the archie comics canon, except not really. Instead of the Dark Legion/Julie Su/Dimitri, SC has the store brand knock-offs Dark Brotherhood/Shade/Ix. It's like getting Kylo Ren instead of Jacen Solo. I hate to imagine a sequel having substitute Freedom Fighters if Bioware kept going.

Dialogue choices seem to be there for the sake of Bioware tradition, not to actually add anything of note. You can either choose from sarcastic Sonic or serious Sonic, but the results the same regardless. This probably would've been a better game to work in a custom player avatar instead of Forces, Bioware at least could've done more with it. Tails is so insufferable about reminding the player to save the game, he continues to do it even after telling him to stop. That's how inconsequential choices are.

Stats are so weirdly implemented. Damage output is not a visible stat, you can equipped items that increase your damage but they don't show by how much. There's an "Attack" stat that you can see, but it actually refers to the attack's accuracy, which I didn't know for the longest time & was hella confused at why I was doing so little damage. You give party members protection from different elemental attacks, but there is no single enemy in the whole game that even deals any sort of elemental damage so the shields are pointless.

In short, it's a game where every facet of it fails. Crap graphics, terrible audio, lousy controls, half-assed gameplay, weak story, & a cliffhanger ending that'll never get resolved thanks to a lawsuit from a dumbass ex-writer. It may not be the worst Sonic game ever but it was the 1 that broke my heart the most.

Though, to be fair, Chronicles also sold like shit. If memory serves me, there were special "Viral" Chao that were supposed to be given out at special events, but they never were due to poor attendance from the players.

Chronicles is only just barely passable as "baby's first RPG", but it's when the game is shown to someone who's played many better RPGs that the game's many glaring flaws are laid bare for all to see.

[jed-k]

A Guide to the Best Arcades in the New York Metropolitan Area

I've lived in NYC my whole life and have been a gamer for about as long, unfortunately. I love going to arcades because you can have a great time alone, with friends, or with the intention of making a friend once you get there.

Some arcades are a transparent method of legalized gambling where the house always wins and you can only cash out in fun dip and finger traps. Some, however, are a tier above. This list is in no particular order, but all are excellent places to spend an hour or two.

Chinatown Fair

Famously the birthplace of the fighting game scene in New York, Chinatown Fair can be seen as a far cry from its days as featured in the 2015 documentary The Lost Arcade. Still, this is one of the best spots in the area for Dance Dance Revolution, as well as a rotating cast of machines that includes Pump It Up, Sound Voltex, JuBeat, and regular crowd pleasers like Guitar Hero, Crossy Road, and Mario Kart Arcade GP DX. I once saw a machine in there that had an actual water gun that you'd spray at a TV with zombies coming toward you and it smelled terrible, but I wish they still had it. A little cramped, very loud, and seemingly never as cool as it was when you were first there, it's always a fun time.

Yestercades

A chain of three free play arcades across New Jersey, Yestercades feels like the comfy game room of an eccentric millionaire child. It includes multiple stations with a wide selection of games and consoles to choose from, arcade machines kept in pristine condition (some retrofitted with modern displays, some retaining their original CRTs), and a wide selection of pinball machines. Plenty of the games are hard to come by (I'd never seen Sopranos pinball before!) and you could easily spend half the day trying them all out without getting tired of the place.

Round 1

The selections at Round 1 arcades are very samey from one location to another, and there's more chaff to be had than wheat, but where Round 1 excels is in its selection of imported rhythm games. For smaller arcades, it's simply impractical to have a Beatmania or Dancerush Stardom machine, but the real estate taken up by Round 1 is on a boggling scale compared to all the other locations listed, so they can afford to make the space. Other highlights at the Long Island location include Groove Coaster, Wacca, Project Diva, Chunithm, and most astonishingly, a Rhythm Tengoku arcade machine. Never thought I'd see one in person before visiting!

Barcade

All the machines in any Barcade feel especially precarious, but the wear put on them must be exceptional when they're placed in the middle of a series of busy bars. Despite this, the games feel less broken and more broken in. The selections at locations, by and large, remain identical and filled with the classics (you'll find Ms. Pac Man, Dig Dug, Crazy Taxi, and Q-Bert at virtually every location) but these are all games you'll be hard pressed to find at a Dave and Buster's or Chuck E Cheese, let alone all in the same establishment. There are locations in Jersey City, New Haven, and Philadelphia, but while I've spent many nights at the New Haven spot, I have a special liking for the Barcades across New York City. Highlights include The Simpsons at the St. Marks location, Bishi Bashi at the Chelsea location, and Rampage at the original Williamsburg location.

Brooklyn Games & Arcade

Of all the arcades listed, none feel more like a labor of love than Brooklyn Games & Arcade. A hybrid game store and free play arcade, you'll find rows of modded hardware and flash carts loaded with hundreds of games across multiple consoles, as well as OG arcade cabinets. Every time I visit, their selection widens vastly, and while the location draws in many looking specifically for fighting games, there is definitely something for everybody here.

Wonderville

If Barcade is rock and roll, Wonderville is harsh noise. Located in Bushwick, Wonderville has an entirely unique selection of one-off indie arcade cabinets you will not find anywhere else, with their crown jewel being the massive eight-player Killer Queen machine (practice a bit by playing Killer Queen Black at home). All the games feel exceptionally unique, both from each other and from any other game you may find in an arcade, thanks to the wide array of inputs you'll find on machines, be they dials, wheels, paddles, springs, or motion controls. The arcade is just one fraction of the fun at Wonderville, as the location is also a bar, music venue, and workshop house.

Dave and Buster's

Dave and Buster's has Dance Dance Revolution and a bar, and there is nothing else redeeming about it. The newly opened Brooklyn location tends to have shorter lines on the DDR machine, but half the fun is in hanging out with like-minded players just trying to grind out to get a little better. The machines may have two players, but to play DDR with another person is to play parallel to them, not against them. You are both playing against the same opponent, which is the brick wall of physical limitation. Go with the mentality that you bring to the gym, but be nice to the normies when they play in heels and miniskirts.

8 On The Break

A small and unassuming arcade and pool hall in Dunellen, NJ, 8 On The Break has a healthy dose of fighting and pinball games, as well as a treasure trove of imported rhythm games. The charm factor is multiplied by the fact that the machines take quarters, not cards, and there's a dining counter where they serve all sorts of fried goodies (try the mushrooms)! Standout machines include Step Maniax, Pop'n Music, and ReRave.