#it's like eating jury duty

[askbloatedbellyblog]

Every time there's a Culinary Crucible event in Twisted, I always end up thinking about it from the stuffing perspective of all the judges involved and how much they have to eat.

Like do they get excited? Dread? Are these known as battles in the dorms where they know they aren't going to fit in their pants by the time it's done. They have to judge for their grades just as much as the learning chefs have to so their grade depends on it. Some may try to game the system to try eat less, while some go full hog.

There's a lot to think about and I could write something but then I don't know who I should write it about or if I should attempt it about multiple people.

[trippedandmissed]

If any tumblr witches want to curse whoever stole our truck last night I’d appreciate it

[softwaluigi]

bro I literally Just got a snack and now they want me to go home

[shortpplfedup]

The burn is slow because Jeng is a goddamn professional. If he's going to date somebody at work, a subordinate, he's got to be really effing sure it's not a passing fancy for either of them. He basically told Jaab that he thinks familiarity generally breeds contempt, hence why he's spending so much time with Pat; he's trying to take his own advice. But instead of feeling less he's feeling more, every day, every interaction. He doesn't know what Pat is feeling though, maybe he's alone in this, and if so he's not going to move forward. Pat is giving him hints that he likes him too, but again, is that something transient or something stronger and more rooted? He simply doesn't know. So yeah, he's not about to just randomly make out with him or confess how he feels. Jeng is very aware of the pitfalls here. He wants Pat to get to know him as both a boss and just a person, because he wants him to know that he can separate his professional and personal selves (jury currently out on how successfully that endeavour is going). He encourages Pat to be firm in his boundaries and speak up for himself because if/when he does confess, he wants Pat to understand and feel that he can say no. If/when Jeng does make a move, it will either be very restrained and polite, or EXTREMELY all-control-out-the-window messy. If Pat moves first, a distinct possibility, it will DEFINITELY be messy. 'How's this gonna happen? What's going to move the dial?' are the questions I am most excited to have answered by this series. What's certain is that whoever moves first will be absolutely mortified in the moment by their behaviour...lol.

I love this slow burn because it makes ABSOLUTE SENSE. It's not just two people holding back because the story has to be drawn out, there are real concrete reasons for them taking their time to suss each other out and decide what to do, even if they are attracted. If Pat is discovered to be dating the boss those vicious bitches at work will eat him alive. He has to determine if it's worth it to him. Jeng is already struggling to earn credibility and a level of respect from his subordinates. He also has to consider the reactions of his fellow managers and superiors, entangled with the additional mess of some of them being his family. He has to consider the impacts to Pat as well, he does have a duty of care to a young employee under his supervision. Just showing interest in Pat is an ethical minefield. And that's before you consider them being queer in a show universe where homophobia exists and will also impact them. There are so many reasons to go painfully slowly here, especially if he thinks he can just eventually get over his crush and not have to deal with any of this. It's a realistic portrayal of falling in love between subordinate/superior at work and I am enjoying the hell out of it.

[mara-xx217]

Man, can I eat some Yandere Pyramid Head falling in love with the reader? The player is the new survivor and enter your first match with him.

HNNNG- It's been too LONG since I've wrote for this big ole boy!!

Warnings: Yandere Tendencies, Unsolicited Touching and Caressing, Tongue Touching

xxx

It didn't see fair to you. Bad things like this are supposed to happen to bad people, or, at least, that was what you grew up believing. Bad things happen to people that deserve it. Good people suffer, but they are supposed to be rewarded for the hardships they face in life.

But that isn't true.

The bad people here get to do what they love: hurt others, while the good, or at least, decent people are killed over and over and over again in a never ending cycle of pain and death.

You aren't like the others. You aren't strong. You aren't skilled. You are a coward. You fear for your life even though it has no meaning in this place. You fear pain. You fear death. It fear is so strong, so intense, you can do nothing but hide.

Or so you try to do.

You are always found and made an example of. Here, there is no escaping death. Are you being judged for something? Did you do something so unforgivable that this is your fitting punishment? Perhaps it's a crime that an ancestor of yours committed? Something you did in a past life? No amount of "I'm sorry, please forgive me..." will ever save you from his hell.

Only... you weren't being punished. Not even judged. The only judge, jury and Executioner here, in the Entity's realms has already passed down his verdict and he has found you-

Innocent.

You can only stand there, back pressed against a wall, as still as a statue. Hoping- praying- that, like some movie magic dinosaur, this massive Red Pyramid thing would deem you either an inanimate object or uninteresting enough to pursue. No luck... A large, blood-soaked and gloved hand reached out towards your face.

It blindly groped around, just barely missing the top of your lip as you turn your head away, holding your breath. You choked on your fear as the flat of its palm covered the entirety of your face. And the smell-!

Your cheeks were cold in contrast to the killer's extremely warm hand. You expected it to grab you by the throat, or, at the very least, by the front of your shirt, and haul you away to your death. It instead mapped out the features of your face. Maybe... Its thumb brushed past your nose, down the curve of your cheek, down to the corner of your mouth-

Twisting pain gripped your stomach as a long, black... what? Tentacle? Tongue? It slipped out of a crack in its massive, metal helm and wiggled in the air just beside your face. You're going to faint. You wish you would- it's- This is-

The black... thing flicked against the shell of your ear, causing your knees to buckle and the edges of your vision to darken. It's too much- TOO MUCH! You squeak out a sob, feeling weak.

Weak... You are weak...

Death didn't come for you this time, nor did the Entity, either. It- that Red Pyramid thing... It wouldn't let you go. Death was never an escape, not really... but it was a reprieve. You never had that whenever that big monster had its way. And it nearly always did.

It was old- maybe not as old as the Entity, but it had it's sway and power of its own. Did it make a deal with Her? Did it even matter? You were never harmed by anyone else ever again... but you never saw your new friends ever again, either.

The Executioner deemed you innocent, but others? They would be judged and punished accordingly, as it was its duty to do so. It protects the innocent, and for you, there was no safety that was anywhere other than at his side.

@prettycutebunny, @infinitewhore, @kennbb, @slutwithadegree, @dead-bxxxtch-walking, @space-arsonist, @pink-soft-shadow, @sinlessdesire, @hoemine

[copperbadge]

Makin’ tamales....at five thirty in the morning....

I had a bunch of “ends” left over from making italian beef, and for basically all winter I’ve been throwing those in a bag in the freezer. Every so often I’d take out a few chunks and dice them up for enchiladas or curry or whatnot, but I still ended up with about a pound of randomly-sized beef, and I had masa harina in the fridge, so I figured I’d make tamales. I made the filling but I’ve been procrastinating on actually assembling and cooking it all because they’re a labor-intensive process, but I looked at the clock as I was making breakfast and thought, well, I have the time right now...

The tamale dough itself is vegetarian. I’m making three types of beef tamale (teriyaki, sloppy joe, pulled-beef bbq) but also a “mushroom pizza” tamale and it’d be nice, I thought, if those were vegetarian completely.

So the pizza tamales (shredded cheese, pizza sauce, sauteed diced mushroom) and the teriyaki beef tamales (cooked beef, chopped coarsely to shreds, and mixed with teriyaki sauce) are currently pressure-steaming. I ran out of room to do any more in this steam batch, but I wanted to test how the tamale dough would be after refrigeration, so I’ve got the other two beef mixtures and the tamale dough in the fridge, and I’ll make those either this evening or tomorrow. And if they don’t come out, eh, they were made from leftovers of leftovers, the waste is negligible. 

It’s a bit counter-productive in the end, because I definitely will need to freeze these and while I got rid of a pound of beef in the freezer, I do not have space for like five pounds of tamale. Still, I’ll peel that husk when I get there. Might be time to repack the freezer, there’s usually space I can free up in one way or another.  

Also tamales are small and microwave decently, so I figure I’ll pack a few for lunch, since I’m reporting for jury duty today and there aren’t a lot of places around the courthouse to eat. The good places are too slow, the fast places are no good, and EVERYWHERE will be crowded. I’m given to understand there are some microwaves in the jury holding pen, so it’s going to be me, a tamale, and the Europa Cup on my phone, unless I get called to interview for a jury. 

[vodika-vibes]

So, here's a random thought from me.

I think, if I lived in the Star Wars universe, I'd want to be a Cultural Anthropologist. Specifically for Naboo.

"But Vod'ika," You might be thinking, "Why Naboo? When there are so many other cultures out there!" Thank you for asking, let me explain.

Naboo elects child rulers. Padme was Queen by the time she was 14, and this is normal. It's accepted. Children are seen are unbiased, and so they can rule well. So this leads tot he question, how old was she when she decided to run for Queen? How much education did she have before hand? Did her parents get a stipend for their daughter becoming Queen? Or was she Emancipated?

Further, if a 14 year old can become Queen, what about the other 14 year old kids? Can little Tommy become a police officer at 14? Can Tricia join the military at 14? Are they full fledged citizens with all of the rights and responsibilities that come with it? Do you have teenagers sitting Jury Duty? Are teenagers charged as adults if they committed a crime?

And let's take the social aspect as well? If you're legally an adult at 14, does this mean you can go barhopping with your friends? Go and buy cigarettes? Can you go clubbing? Can you get married without your parents permission? Get tattoos? Piercings? Elective Surgery?

Also! Not only does Naboo elect child rulers, they also, apparently, attempt to assassinate said child rulers regularly enough that the Queen or King has decoys. Child Decoys who are both their bodyguards and body doubles. And these Decoys stay with their Monarch even after they're no longer ruling.

Does the Ruler select the Decoys? Or are they chosen from a massive group of children? Do they have to change their names? Are their parents given a stipend for the knowledge that their child might die in service to the crown? How long are they trained for?

Let's go even further. If your child is elected as the future ruler, and suddenly has five or six children trailing after them. Six children who carry themselves like your child. Talk like them. Eat like them. Write like them. Maybe even look like them. Do they become your children? Can they come and go from your home without question? Do you think of them with the same fondness as your own child? Or do you see them all as an extension of you child?

Okay, I think that's enough babbling for me now.

[annalu86]

Nothing

Lucy: I’m heading over in 20 minutes, what food shall i pick up?

Tim: what ever you feel like is fine with me. No mushrooms, nothing too weird.

Lucy: obviously.

40 minutes later.

Lucy: change of plans, sorry. Tamara’s had a crappy day. I’m going to eat here and talk it over with her a bit. Sorry!

Tim: it’s ok, hope it’s not nothing too bad.

Lucy: she’ll survive, nothing a tub of ice cream can’t fix.

Tim: please tell me that’s not all you two are going to eat?!

Lucy: we would never do that…

Tim: hmmmm

30 minutes later.

Tim: open your door.

Lucy: huh?

Tim: go and open your front door.

Lucy: what have you done?

Tim: just do it, boot.

Lucy: watch it sgt.

Lucy: oh Babe that’s so kind, you didn’t have to do that. You should have knock and come in, that’s enough pizza for 3!

Tim: I didn’t want to interrupt your time with Tamara. I did want you both to eat something other than ice cream though.

Lucy: always look out for me.

Tim: obviously.

Two hours later.

Lucy: go and open your front door.

Tim: lucy it’s late you should be in bed

Lucy: Tim. Stop bossing me around and do as you’re told.

Tim: fine but if there’s an empty pizza box on my door step, I’m going to get you put on front desk duty tomorrow.

Lucy: scary!

The door to Tim’s house swung open, wide. On one side of the doorway stands a tall, semi clothed man, rubbing his eyes and stifling a yawn. Looking down at the ground expecting to see an empty pizza box, or some such item and instead coming face to face (or as close as they get with there height difference) to a young women, dressed in sweats with what at first glance appears to be one of his sweatshirts.

“Hi” she says simply

“Hi” he echoes, then “it’s late, you should be in bed”

“Well that’s an offer!” She grins widely and he splutters

“I wasn’t…” he chokes out

“I know” Lucy soothes between giggles “I came to say good night…” she takes a step forward, closing the gap between them. Reaching up on to her tip toes and place a hand on his bare chest for balance she kisses him softest on the lips “and… “ she says, breaking the kiss “thank you…” before reaching back up and kissing him again.

This time one hand winds around her waist and the other up into her hair. Keeping her firmly in place. For several moments they stay like that, on his door step, fortunate that the late hour spares them from an audience.

“Are you coming in?” His voice in deep and he stands back a little to welcome her into his house

“I’ve got to get back and get to bed”

“You could just have a drink before driving home” he encourages

“Tim” she looks up at him through her lashes “we both know nothing would get drunk and I would not be getting home and time soon”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing” his eyes twinkle

“See you tomorrow” she says firmly

“Fine” he huffs slightly “ see you tomorrow”

And for the last time she reaches up and leaves a gentle peck on his lips.

She feels his eyes on her as she walks to the kerb and climbs into her car, she doesn’t look back. Her resolve can only hold for so long and the sight of him, shirtless in his doorway, wanting her, well… she’s not superhuman.

So she doesn’t look back.

Doesn’t see him swallow hard.

Doesn’t see him watch her car until she is well out of sight.

Doesn’t seem him place a gentle finger to his lips as he turns and finally shuts the door.

20 minutes later

Lucy: I like it a lot more when we do nothing, together.

Tim: I agree. I actually think I prefer doing most things together with you

Lucy: taxes?

Tim: Lucy

Lucy: getting your teeth cleaned?

Tim: you’re so annoying

Lucy: checking the battery on your smoke alarms

Tim: that’ll teach me for being nice!

Lucy: sorry! I’m sorry, I like being with you too.

Tim: good night Lucy

Lucy: good night tim

10 minutes later

Lucy: jury duty

Tim: GO TO SLEEP!

[specialagentartemis]

📂HEADCANONS

YEAH

Trying to think of ones I haven’t already talked about A Lot

Murderbot describes Preservation as "a complicated barter system" because it doesn't really have the words or concepts to parse what it's looking at: primarily a gift economy. An economy with a robust central government that does a lot of distribution of primary resources, and a social logic based more on providing than consuming. Farmers and agriculture techs don't produce food to then trade to other people, they produce food that's then re-distributed to everyone as needed by a central organization, and the farmers and ag-techs are given what they need and want by others who, y'know, eat food and express gratitude for Having Food. People don't trade for health care, doctors provide health care to whoever needs it because that's what they've trained and chosen to do and are given what they need by others for their service in providing health care.

Pin-Lee doesn't tend to have a lot to trade but she is a lawyer who keeps things functioning between Preservation and the Corporates, does the legal work that allows Preservation citizens to safely travel, and helps to maintain the contracts that prevent other more opportunistic planets fromtaking advantage of them. She provides this service to the planet and gets what she needs from other people who provide other services. Gurathin helps to maintain the university's database infrastructure, when he's getting coffee he doesn't need to offer to like, make a database for the coffeeshop, it's just understood that he's providing a service to society and partaking in another service to society. Arada and Ratthi are research biologists and their work is only tangentially productive to The Planet but I'm sure there's a public outreach or education aspect that's expected of a lot of researchers - learning without sharing what you're learning is socially unfair, even if their lectures are mostly only attended by students who are told by their teachers to go watch them. But it's kind of understood that by being an adult in the world, you are doing something that contributes to society and to others in some way, and as such are entitled to having your needs met as well.

It's a reciprocity-based logic of actions rather than commodity exchange, and honestly it works because 1) Preservation's population is relatively small, 2) there is a lot of bureaucratic organization work making sure everyone is getting what they need, the government is SO many committees 3) a whole lot of labor is done by machines (non-sentient robots) and bots (sentient robots). The reliance on bot labor is absolutely gonna be something Preservation has to think more about.

Citizens also every once in a while on rotation get called for a kind of labor tax akin to the way jury duty works, where every couple of months you have to put in a day working in the central town food court washing dishes or something. There are also Perks offered for jobs that might be a harder sell for people to do, like premium station housing.

Straight-up money that comes into the station from outsystem trade and travel mostly gets re-invested in supporting Preservation travelers off-planet into societies that do use money (like PresAux's ASR survey), or buying materials or machines that are hard to make locally (like ag-bots, or some spaceship or station parts for repairs).

However where barter comes in is on a more interpersonal one-on-one level, more similar to commissions. You grow a lot of carrots while my grapefruit tree is producing a lot more fruit than I could possibly eat, want to trade? You make ceramics as your primary Work, I'll trade you something if you make me something specific I have in mind. Can you help me fix my roof? I'll get you some good wood when the lumber trees are mature next year. Developing skills for these kind of interpersonal more-specialized trades is a significant motivation, too. And different skills and jobs inevitably attract more status and impressiveness than others. But it's not barter exactly so much as reciprocity, a strong culture of civic duty, and a highly organized government.

[enchantedchocolatebars]

Fred Fredburger x Reader Headcanons 💚 💕 💚 💕 🐘

💚 Original headcanons 🐘

🐘 Ao3 version 💕

• You two met in the frozen yogurt shop!

• You were hungry on that day, and your stomach was in the mood for a cold, creamy treat, so why not head over to the frozen yogurt place that’s conveniently down the street.

• As you walked in, you noticed a tubby green elephant-like demon who… looked as though he was having trouble deciding on what flavor to get.

• Being the helpful and kind person that you are, you help the demon out by telling him that you plan on getting mint chocolate chip and ask him if he’d like the same.

• Mint chocolate chip? Sounds good to him!

• You order two chocolate mints and pay for both of your desserts.

• As you both take a seat at the table, the green elephant thanks you for your help! It was just so hard for him to pick a single flavor since they all looked so good.

• You convey to him that it’s not a problem and that you’re always happy to lend a helping hand!

• You learn that the demon’s name is Fred Fredburger.

• Fred was… quite the character. He seemed very childish, but you found him to be adorable! You loved hearing him ramble on about his interest in nachos and his mother’s baking.

• You ask Fred if you and him could hang out more, and he excitedly says yes!

• You noticed that he tends to say that word a lot.

• Your friendship soon turned into a romance as the both of you eventually started dating.

• One day, you decide to buy your elephant boyfriend roses and chocolates, and he happily thanks you for them. He sets the chocolates in his flower vase before stuffing the roses in his mouth and eating them.

• Fred decides to draw some pictures with his crayons and shows them to you. You find them to be absolutely beautiful! The pictures were all drawn in an adorable child-like art style. The first drawing was of you and him eating nachos together with a heart drawn around you both. The second drawing showed Fred as a superhero with huge muscles saving you from a burning building, and the last drawing depicted the two of you getting married.

• Fred loved hearing you laugh everytime you and him were summoned for jury duty. He didn’t know what was so funny though, all he wanted was some nachos for you and him to share, so he kept asking the judge repeatedly for them.

• Fred introduces you to his spider friend, Jeff!

• Whenever you hung out together, you three were the ultimate trio.

• Fred jumped for joy when he found out that you were a cartoon fan too! A past time activity that you both enjoy doing is talking about your favorite animated shows! Fred’s favorites were the show about the orange monkey who went to summer camp and the show about the imaginary friends, while your favorites were the show about the three kids who went around the neighborhood scamming other kids for quarters to buy jawbreakers and show about the three superpowered little girls who fought crime and saved the world before bedtime.

• When he takes over the world again like he did at the end of “Billy and Mandy’s Big Boogey Adventure”, he makes you his king or queen and the two of you rule over Endsville together while summoning all the nachos and frozen yogurt in the world.

[golden--doodler]

This post was long overdue! I can’t believe I haven’t done this sooner, but here’s part two of the very first post I made on this lovely site, random Bob’s Burgers facts that no one asked for but I’m sharing/reminding everyone of because I can:

—Apparently, when Gene was a toddler, Bob had to watch him, and he somehow managed to eat a fern under Bob’s watch. Where did this fern come from? Who knows?  ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯  Bob was very worried and thought Gene would die or get really sick, but he was fine. Gene has an iron stomach for real. This tidbit is as mentioned in Season 3, Episode 15, O.T. The Outside Toilet.

—Gene is the only Belcher with visible ears, and they’re adorable 🥰 I still don’t know how Bob’s hair manages to completely cover his, but it does.

—Real life fact, but 9/3 is not only Bob and Linda’s anniversary, but also Loren Bouchard and his wife’s anniversary! That’s where he got the date from. How adorable.

—Linda’s birthday is June 3, making her a Gemini. Tina’s birthday is March 30, making her an Aries. Gene is a Sagittarius, making his birthday sometime in either late November or December. I like to say his birthday is December 19, because that’s one of my friend’s birthdays :3

—Linda’s high school was called Cardinal Genarro High School, and one time, there was a pumpkin carving contest. Linda didn’t want Gayle to feel bad for losing to Linda’s amazing pumpkin, so she tried smashing her own pumpkin. Gayle followed her, though, and because of a series of events, they ended up destroying the entire table, which they swore to keep secret until well into adulthood (Season 12, Episode 3, The Pumpkinening).

—Linda’s hometown is a made-up town called Hunkawtaway.

—Linda once had Jury Duty on St. Patrick’s Day and wore a green blazer to court.

—Tina’s favorite flowers are Gardenias, as revealed in Season 5, Episode 11, Can’t Buy Me Math.

—Tina owns cat pajamas as seen in Season 4, Episode 9, Slumber Party, and that’s very important to me.

—Gene has brown eyes, which he most likely inherited from Bob. In the comics, Tina’s eye color is revealed to be blue, which she might have inherited from Linda.

—According to Gene in Season 11, Episode 2, Worms of In-Rear-Ment, Louise has always wanted to see Machu Pichu.

—Louise has apparently seen “Game of Thrones”. I wonder what she thought of it. Funnily enough, in the Season 4 Wharf Horse two-part season finale, Bob mourned the fact that he’d never find out how the show ended.

—As seen in Season 11, Episode 14, Mr. Lonely Farts, Gene normally hates being alone and thrives off the energy of other people. My poor boy had a whole panic attack when he was accidentally left home alone. However, he ends up using the opportunity to do a rave in Louise’s room with all of her toys, which she usually tells him not to do. It’s also revealed in that episode that Linda has a secret cracker stash, which he infiltrates.

—According to Season 13, Episode 18, Gift Card or Buy Trying, Gene might not like himself a whole lot. He rants about his former friend, Mitchell, saying that he’s loud, can’t really play music, and has no idea how annoying he is, and then comes to a realization, saying they’re exactly the same, so those things might be how he views himself.

—In Season 13, Episode 21, Mother Author Laser Pointer, it’s shown that Bob and Linda used to read Snail & Newt books to the kids when they were young, which is based off the real life Frog & Toad series. It’s so sweet they did this T_T

—Teddy’s favorite color is yellow! Mine is too :D This was revealed in Season 4, Episode 16, I Get Psy-Chic Out of You.

—Teddy’s full name might be Theodore J. McGillicuddy.

—Jimmy Pesto called Jimmy Jr. “Pepper” as a nickname in Season 1, Episode 10, Burger War, a nickname that’s not been repeated since.

—According to Season 3, Episode 20, The Kids Run the Restaurant, Mr. Fischoeder was married for a week. He had a real Grunkle Stan moment.

—As seen in Season 9, Episode 19, Long Time Listener, First Time Bob, Bob loved listening to a radio station with a DJ named Clem when he and Linda first started getting the restaurant off the ground. I think Bob listening to the radio at night and jamming out is very endearing. The same episode also revealed Bob’s hatred for Sweet Potato Fries.

—In Season 9, Episode 16, Roamin’ Bob-Iday, it’s revealed Bob occasionally succumbs to severe burnout from working at the restaurant, but despite that, cooking will always be his favorite thing to do.

—As revealed in Season 7, Episode 7, The Last Gingerbread House on the Left, Bob used to build gingerbread houses with his late mother, Lily. In the same episode, he made mini gingerbread versions of his family, which is the cutest thing ever. He’s the best dad for real.

[howlingday]

Growing Up Yang

Yang: I don't like this cookie!

Taiyang: (Groans loudly, Rolls his eyes) It's all they had.

Yang: It's gross! It's ookie! It's an ookie cookie!

Taiyang: You know, getting a cookie you really don't like isn't that big of a deal. Stop your complaining about your first-world problems and grow up.

Yang: Grow up? Why the hell would I want to do that?

Taiyang: Because at some point, you're gonna have to so you can be a well-adjusted and productive member of society as an adult.

Yang: Yeah? And how's that worked out for ya?

Yang: You enjoying life? You waking up excited every day to the world of endless possibilities? Eager to tackle the world of exhilarating tasks such as home repair, grocery shopping, tax paying, laundry, and jury duty? Are you so glad to be done with the boring old world of toys, video games, candy, comic books, and movies, and glad to be spending your money on rent, healthcare, and car payments?

Taiyang: Actually, I still spend my money on all that stuff for spoiled little girls who don't eat their cookies.

Yang: I do eat my cookies! And whatever I don't eat, I give to Ruby!

Ruby: (Dives across the table, Grabs cookie) FREE COOKIE!

Customer: FUCKING SHIT! (Hit by RIFR)

Yang: So who are these spoiled, little girls you're talking about?

Taiyang: It's a figure of speech.

Yang: Well, figure out a new speech, because that one makes you sound like a guy who drives around town, giving cookies to little girls, and that's just creepy.

Taiyang: ...You're creepy.

Yang: Thank you! HEY, WAITER! GIVE ME ANOTHER! ONE THAT DOESN'T SUCK ASS!

RIFR - Ruby-Identified Flying Ruby

[fatestayyuri]

Finished Ward Arc 3

TL;DR: taking an indefinite hiatus you can all unfollow me now

okay so like. first things first; probably gonna take a break for my own sanity’s sake! not the Biggest fan of his writing and the fact that from everything i’ve heard it only gets worse from here Does Not Assure me. anyway,

tattletale is so fucking funny Victoria just shows up and goes “fuck youuuuuu” and blames her for the [????] that amy did (i still have no idea what amy did) and lisa’s just like. “yeah. whatever. stop being a cop idiot.” then fucks off and leaves. the thing about wildbow’s writing is that while lisa comes off as like. kind of an annoying (endearing) loser who feels the need to overexplain to literally everyone i’m pretty sure wildbow intended her as his take on a Holmes-like all-knowing smart person? that’s honestly way funnier than any of his jokes tbh

the thing about arc 3 is that it’s not particularly objectionable enough to be a fun hateread and the annoying bits are subtle enough and caked in enough to the character moments that it just kind of blends into a big slog. Tristan and the other one’s dynamic reads INCREDIBLY gauche and all of the other stuff i’ve seen as part of the book club don’t lead me to read it kindly. i think that’s the problem actually by reading it all at once as a group we’ve been inundated with so much Wildbow moments so quickly that i kind of stopped reading it “with love” as it were; I kind of just see the artifice of a deeply copbrained liberal sockpuppeting characters and getting them to compliment his writing.

I think a large part of this is that i don’t actually particularly like superhero settings wait no actually i just remember that like my #2 favourite web serial is a superhero one i think i just hate wildbow’s writing i think

yeah it’s like, i don’t think wildbow should write fight scenes they kind of suck. Victoria “flying brick / cop Dallon doesn’t really have an interesting enough skillset to carry 2 million words of fights around. sorry. all of it tends to boil down to “punch really hard physically or emotionally” and i’m Bored. even the fight scenes as metaphor for emotional moments is Boring. it doesn’t do enough.

and like, i can’t actually take the [whatever untitled group] thing seriously since i got spoiled that Tristan is gay and the other one is straight so like. this just comes off as blaringly homophobic in the “what if the world was made out of pudding” sense. fuck off

yeah it’s really really hard to justify continuing to read this, when i am told that it only gets worse from here. like, genuinely wondering why i should spend that time when instead i could finish reading good serials, or the VNs on my backlog, or do literally anything else

sorry Certified Wardheads (all three of you) but like. indefinite hiatus for my mental health this shit sands away at my brain. i could probably say more but like, unlike the other stuff i’ve subjected myself to (Tsukihime) i’m not even promised something like, Good good in spite of all the forks. there’s other stories where you just have to do jury duty for 40 hours instead of eating forks for the sphagetti. i have a newfound appreciation for VNs that are just boring before they get good now

[kittykatninja321]

I’ve been thinking about the legality of this. I think she could easily beat the allegations but babygirl you can’t be bragging like this to the pigs don’t say anything without a lawyer present babe 🙈!!! New Jersey self defense law says that you have a duty to try to escape first and that the force used cannot be excessive. They have to prove that she didn’t try to escape (hard to prove that either way) and they have to prove that she used excessive force. She was clean with it and got him in one hit so I think that would be hard to prove too. The fact of the matter is even if she did bait him she did so completely nonviolently and he attacked first and the guy was actually trying to rape and murder her. Also she’s right what jury is going to convict a woman who killed a serial murderer rapist that the GCPD and Batman combined couldn’t catch, all these cops can eat dicks Bruce included FREE MY GIRL JUDY SHE DIDNT DO SHIT 🗣️!!

[professorllayton]

you had to pee and held up a courtroom???? Huh?

....yeaaaah :'(.....

I had jury duty a few years ago and during it we had like a half hour recess to just chill out y'know eat smth take a bathroom break or whatever and i guess i took too fucking LONG!!!!! bc I got out of the bathroom and absolutely everyone was gone and I had to be escorted back to the courtroom by the poor bailiff and when I got there everyone was just waiting. dead silent and every single person stared at me as I walked to my seat like the judge's head was following me the whole way. long fucking walk by the way oh my god. anyways once i sat down the judge was like we can now finally proceed all riiise

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

Two beards

Its been a long long minute. Life has not been kind to me, but although this is a little late, this is for @beccabarba birthday. This is just the start that I needed to get out, more to come when the writing fairy sprinkles me with some writing dust to help me get out of this funk.  

WC: 732

Warnings: None really, setting the story line, sorry if the one Spanish word is wrong, I goggled it.

Enjoy x

As you sat across the table looking between the two bearded men, you were not surprised that they had ended up in conflict resolution. You had 20 separate complaints from multiple judges, court staff and past jury duty citizens all voicing how both these well-educated men ended up going toe to toe either during or after a case in front of way too many people, court security being called in one too many times. Most judges didn’t want to go into a court room if they knew both were lawyers on the case and it was getting around the jury room about them, requests coming in that they be moved to different trails. You were the last stop before final steps would be taken so that they would be banned from representing clients that belonged to the same case.  

You sat back in your chair, looking down at your watch before crossing your arms over your body and rolling your eyes seeing the meeting that had only started 10 minutes ago and they were already at each other’s throat, throwing insults at each other. For two men that were so educated and handsome, you really wondered how they had this much hate for each other.

You let them get it out of their system and watched on as they went tit for tat bringing up past cases saying if they said this the other would have lost or if the other hadn’t of slept with the judge in college the other would have won. You started to tune out flicking through the pile of complaints when you noticed the English they had been talking in switched to Spanish and you tuned back in to what they were saying. Your ex-partner being Latin and you understood every word. Your eyes shot between them like you were watching a ping pong game, and the soon career based insults turned very personal, they insulting each other about their mothers and you saw red,

“Para” you roared through the room and slammed your hands down on your desk “Do you hear yourselves?”

Both men froze mid-sentence, taking their gaze from each other and setting their eyes on you. For a moment heat swept through you when you seen the intense look on both their faces and you quickly pushed the feelings away, your rage at their behaviour pushing back through you again.

“Both of you get out of my office, now” you spat.

You frowned your brows and watched as both of the bearded men stood up off their chairs and walked out, your door being shut behind them. You threw yourself back in your chair and sighed shaking your head, in your 15 year career and your 5 years in this office, not once had you come across two lawyers being this bad. You had heard rumours about Bryan, seeing firsthand what he was capable of in and out of the court room, but Racehorse was new to the court rooms in town and as far as you knew he hadn’t snuck his claws into anything just yet. You spent the rest of the day doing your research and coming up with a plan of action, also getting your personal assistant to send emails to both of theirs informing them when they needed to appear in your office again.

The sun had started to set and you were the last one left in your office, everyone else gone home. You where finishing off some paper work from another conflict resolution case when there was a knock on your door, you yelled out come in thinking it was your uber eats,

“Just sit it on the corner of the desk. Thanks” not even looking up from your screen and you kept typing. You continued to look at your screen till you heard a clearing of the throat and you looked up over your screen and raised an eye brow “Don’t you think you two have cause enough issues for one day. I’m off the clock” you sat back in your chair with a huff.

Both men started to make their way towards the other side of your desk, both sitting in the same seats they sat in earlier that day. Bryan sitting a bottle of whiskey on the table, a smirk pulled to his face and grin pulling to Racehorse’s,

“Hope you have glasses”

Tags: @beccabarba @ben-c-group-therapy @alwaysachorusgirl