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a-detraque-barista · 3 years

Text

Bread and Blood

Yandere Vampire Jimin x Reader

Genre: Yandere, Horror, Angst

Word count: 7.5k

Warnings: blood, abuse, anxiety, insecurity, yandere themes, mentions of religion, reader getting ignored??

A/N: Hello hello everyone~ this took me s o long cause it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written but I hope you enjoy~ @strwbrry-lia

(I created the aesthetic myself 😊)

“Now now, Blood Bag. No need to get emotional over someone like him” whispered the blood-sucking monster that stood in front of you. Blood Bag. That was the ‘cute’ nickname he had come up with for you. The man in front of you wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. The same hand that he put on your shoulder to make you look at him. “Why don’t you stop crying over that good-for-nothing for one second, and tell me what you were doing.”

Even though he used the word ‘why’, it was not a question. It was a command. Living with him for five months has taught you what different tones of voice he had. It was a wide range and some blurred with others making you tread lightly at those times. But right now, you knew you needed to respond correctly.

“I was just going to pack my things and bring them back home,” you choked through your tears as you tried your best to sound convincing.

“Tsk tsk, blood bag. We’ve talked about lying and that it’s bad. Haven’t we?” his grip on your shoulders became tighter as his red orbs stared into yours.

When you didn’t respond he repeated his question, “Haven’t we, blood bag?” His hand that was still covered in blood trailed the slope of your neck and wrapped his fingers to where you were struggling to breathe.

You quickly nodded. His fingers eased but did not leave the scarred and bruised skin. His eyes landed on the bite marks he’s left and couldn’t help the shiver slither up his spine. You were doing things to him that no one else could. Ever since he found you broken and beaten in this very building, his infatuation for you has only grown. How this happened, you have no clue. From the first time he bit you, you’ve been trying to leave his clutches. But you have no home, the only friend you had is now lying on the floor dead, and your family hates you. However, finding a place to stay wasn’t the only difficult part. The undead, blood-sucker wouldn’t let you leave.

“You always seem to be up in the clouds. Tell me, blood bag, what are you thinking about?” he spoke in his usual sickly sweet tone, masking the beast that was hiding.

“Thinking about how I got here,” you confessed and finally noticed you were back in the living room you’ve had to sit in for so many months.

“Well, that’s easy,” he stepped impossibly closer with his hands now cupping your face. “I saved you.”

⠽ ⡰⠑ ⠍⡠⠑

Tonight was no ordinary night. Tonight was Halloween. One of the most liked holidays. When kids go trick or treating and teenagers along with adults get drunk. Frights and screams are all around except for your little apartment at the edge of town. Your apartment was cold and dreary as you sat curled in your favorite corner. You were waiting impatiently for the inevitable beating that was coming for you. The knocks at your door went ignored as you cowered behind your bed.

An hour of waiting ended in a thunderous pounding at your door. Covering your ears did nothing to drown out the loud banging. Suddenly, in the middle of your panic-filled mind, you think of the fire escape outside of your bathroom window. You just had to get your legs to work before you could carry out your scattered plan.

Using the bed to help you up, you slowly and shakily make your way to your bathroom. You groaned internally as you realized this was the window your landlord had warned you about. It was the one that got stuck and needed force with special angling. You’ve never opened this window so you had no idea how to open it. Your fear overcame your pessimism making you try your best to get the window open.

After time and time again, you couldn’t open the damn thing. Stepping back and taking a deep breath, you tried to calm down. You heard the door bust open making your head snap to the bathroom door that was still ajar. Quickly closing and locking it, you tried prying open the window again.

Someone was looking out for you up there because the window had finally budged, allowing you to crawl out and onto the rusted fire escape. You shut the window closed just in time as you saw your father burst through that door. Flipping him off, you climbed down quickly and into the alleyway. You began to run as fast as you could, already knowing your father was only now exiting the front door of the building.

You ran and ran. Even as your lungs began to burn and your legs aching, you kept running. The bruises and cuts on your face and stomach hurt more than anything at that point. You knew you couldn’t stop until you found somewhere he wouldn’t find you. Where no one would find you.

Then, the old abandoned warehouse where thirteen people mysteriously died came into view. Practically skidding to a stop, you were panting while contemplating if you should go in. Convincing yourself it would only be for the night, you squeeze through the wood that blocked the main door.

The air was no colder than your apartment so the clothes you had on were more than enough. You sat down on the floor next to the door that read ‘office’. The letters were faded and there were small bits of them missing. If you remembered correctly, this factory was almost seventy-five years old. The broken windows and cracked foundation proved as support for your guess.

After catching your breath, you stood up to head into the office. Looking around to see if anything was interesting. As nothing popped out at you, making your way upstairs seemed to be a good idea. That was until you saw him.

The man wasn’t necessarily tall, but he was still taller than you. His back was turned towards you but you could see the terror on the girl’s face that noticed you. Tears were rushing down her features as she winced in pain. Her voice was lost when she tried calling to you for help. Her face paled and her eyes rolled back. The woman’s body dropped to the floor and the man inhaled deeply. You heard the hitch in his breath and you backed away as slowly as you could manage. Unfortunately, glass crunched beneath the heel of your shoe. Without thinking for too long, you turned around and sprinted back down the stairs.

“Fuck no, not doing that shit,” you mumbled to yourself as you tried to exit the factory as fast as you could.

You felt a hand grab the back of your hoodie causing you to fall onto your back with a grunt. Turning over to your side to ease some of the pain in your back, you see a pair of shiny black dress shoes stand in front of you. With the tip of his foot, he pushed onto your shoulder so he could see your face better. His head tilted to the side, causing his hair to show more of his eyes that were glowing. The crimson color almost distracted you from the rest of his face.

His jawline was sharp and tilted up slightly as if he was looking down at you in a more demeaning way. His full lips that were covered in drying blood tugged into a smirk. He hummed as if thinking about what to do next. He planted his foot back down on the concrete floor before crouching down. You had to admit, the murderous man was even more handsome up close but you sadly couldn’t focus on him right now.

Your head began to feel light and fuzzy the more you looked at the man. Closing your eyes maybe wasn’t the best idea, but your head was suddenly submerged in pain. You moved the hand that was gripping the opposite shoulder to your head. It did nothing to take away the pain but there’s not much you could do as a killer stood above you, planning to do who knows what.

“Don’t worry, blood bag. I’m not gonna do anything to you...yet,” you heard his honey-like voice before feeling him wrap his arms around you. “My name’s Jimin, and you’re going to love your new hell.”

⤐ ⤐ ⤐ ⤐

Five months later and you were in, just as he said, hell. You have scars from his fangs all over, fatigue from blood loss, and an appalling adoration for the man who has brought you to his home. What he called home, you called hell. Not only were you used as livestock, but you were tormented by the fact you had fallen for your shepherd.

You hated calling him by his name because you thought it fit him so well and rolled off your tongue like it was meant to. So you called him anything but his name.

He was still locked up in his room like always and you’ve already ventured the enormous house, there was practically nothing to do. You’ve been staring at the wall so often you can no longer sit on the couch, where you’re certain has an ass print from you. Nothing in this mansion intrigued you anymore. Should you maybe...leave the house? You’ve never attempted to leave since you figured he would punish you for it. But how would he know if he’s always in his room or workspace?

You got up from your bed to look into the closet of wonders you’ve never bothered looking through. You just see a comfy set of clothes and go with that since you don’t do anything. Luckily, you found an outfit that matched your style. You didn’t have any money so it would just be a walk around the town, and getting to know exactly which town you were in.

It was a lot easier leaving than you thought was possible with a vampire living there. The house was on an isolated street but you saw old and rusted signs pointing towards the town. It was maybe a twenty-minute walk with you humming and slightly tripping over nothing. It was nice to finally get out of that suffocating house and go for a walk. The air was brisk and made your lungs feel like they were fully inflating.

Once you got to the main road of the city, many people were seen walking. Either by themselves or with children. The day was nice but it seemed there was an event going on. Crowds weren’t your thing so you decided to keep exploring the quaint town.

Walking by bakeries, craft stores, and many other family-owned shops. It was all different to you, having lived in bigger cities your whole life. You were walking by the only bookstore you’ve seen so far and decided to go in. It smelled of old paper and incense. Tall aisles were filled with any genre you could think of and more. You couldn’t remember the last time you were in a bookstore.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” a deep voice broke you from your thoughts as you turned towards the man it came from.

“Oh, no, just looking. Thank you though,” you smile slightly before continuing your way to the back where the sign read ‘Folklore’.

“Well, it’s just that I’ve never seen you around town before. You just move here?” he followed you while asking his question.

“Yeah,” you didn’t feel like talking at this point.

“I figured. Well if you need someone to show you around I’d be more than happy to-”

“Yeong-Jun, go bother somebody else. She’s obviously not interested,” another voice interested the man that was pestering you.

The guy next to you huffed before leaving the store and you looked to see who had said that. He was behind the counter where a register and binders sat.

“I’m sorry about him, he does that all the time,” he smiled gently at you before going back to the small paperback in his hand.

You went back to scanning the spines of the books that sat in front of you, but your eyes kept glancing at the nice man who helped you out. You couldn’t help but think that maybe the two of you could be friends. He seemed nice and he obviously liked books, same as you. But what would you even say to him? Talking first was never your strong suit, or just making friends in general. You never knew what to say so maybe, it’d be best to just leave him alone.

At this point, you didn’t even know why you were taking so long in the store. It’s not like you could buy anything. Sighing, you headed towards the exit before the man at the counter’s voice stopped you.

“Didn’t find anything interesting?”

“No, that’s not it. It’s just that I don’t have the money for it.”

“Oh, well...How about you take one anyway?”

“I’m sorry?” you turned back to face him.

“You can take a book of your choosing. Think of it as me lending it to you. For free,” he said through a chuckle after seeing your expression.

“You sure?”

He nodded before motioning at all the rows of books. Swiftly, before he could change his mind, you made your way back to the Fantasy section and grabbed the one you had been eyeing almost the whole time.

You stopped at the counter, “Thank you.”

“My pleasure, just bring it back when you’re done and you can borrow another one,” he smiled so wide it made his eyes turn into crescents.

You tried hiding your smile while nodding and exiting the store like a child who had just gotten candy. Books have been your only entertainment ever since he kidnapped you. There was no television to watch, no laptop, or a gaming system. The castle held no form of technology besides electricity for the lighting and sound systems. No matter where you were in the house, you could always hear music. It was beautiful yet sad performed by a group of woodwinds, brass, and many other instruments.

It’s good music to read to. You decided to head back to your hell. Wait...Why...Why would you go back if you were able to walk out the front door, be gone for almost an hour, and walked around town with no questions asked?

You turned around and headed to the church because that was the only place you could think of that would let you stay for free without worrying too much about a creep.

The last thing on your mind now was the thing that was holed up in his room, becoming hungry.

You slowly opened the door to the only church in town that was almost as big as the castle you came from. Not seeing anyone, you fully entered the building with the book in your hand. You tried to walk as quietly as you could but your shoes hitting the polished tiles caused echoing that bounced off the high ceiling walls.

“Hello? Is someone there?” a voice was heard coming from the side. You didn’t respond as you heard footsteps coming closer. “Oh, well hello there. What can I help you with?”

“I-I...I was wondering if I could, um, stay here for the night?” your social skills have suffered tremendously because of the anxiety your family has caused.

“Oh dear child, of course, you can. God’s house is always open to anyone,” he guides you to the other side of the building where he opened a door showing a long hallway.

As you walked down the large corridor, you noticed all the doors you passed by. Some were closed and some were opened. The opened ones revealed empty rooms with a bed and nightstand. You assumed the closed doors were occupied rooms.

“Many people stay here, all for their own reasons. We have a dining hall just around the corner, baths are just past that, and you are always welcome to join sermons,” he stopped in front of a room that was at the very end of the hall. “If you need anything, we have many sisters throughout the church that will be happy to help.”

“Thank you,” you slightly bowed before entering the room.

“Of course,” he closed the door and walked to a random spot in the corridor. He placed his hand on the wall while whispering a murmur in Latin. A door opened and he entered.

He descended the spiral case of marble stairs before coming to another door. This door had carvings of so many symbols, you couldn’t count. He touched a particular one causing the door to creak open.

“You all felt it as I did,” he spoke loudly before he sat down in his designated chair.

“You wouldn’t be able to,” another pastor said sarcastically.

“Will he come?” asked a nun.

“I do not know,” sighed the pastor who showed you to your room.

“Will you protect the girl, Claude?” asked a woman who sat in the middle of the table.

“Yes.”

✨

You had fallen asleep almost seven hours ago, according to the clock that hung on the wall opposite of the bed you laid in. That was the most sleep you have gotten in about two years. Insomnia was a bitch you knew all too well. Being able to sleep for so long made you full of this energy you haven’t experienced in so long. A knock was heard at your door before a nun poked her head in.

“It’s time for supper,” she said softly.

“Thank you,” she closed the door after slightly nodding to your response.

You sighed before looking out of the window that was close to the ceiling. You slept and found a place to stay but now what? You couldn’t live here so close to him. Yes, you loved him but it was unrequited and you knew it. It’s not like you could help it. In the little time you’ve spent with him, that didn’t involve your blood, he was kind and his smile gave you a serotonin boost. The way he was gentle with the plants he had and how he disagreed with the disgusting morals of characters from a different era. All of these things made you grow feelings for the undead immortal. Maybe it was because you’ve never encountered such a personality. But who knew?

You climbed out of the bed and headed to the dining hall with the book in your hand. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a meal that wasn’t frozen or from a restaurant. You never felt like cooking even though you knew how, you just never felt like it.

The volunteers were kind as they offered you everything they had. Sticking with only the bread and stew they made, you sat down at an empty table while beginning to read the book you picked out from the store. The front and spine read Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by April Genevieve Tucholke.

Someone had sat next to you making you look at them in the corner of your eye. It was the priest from yesterday. He had a plate of his own filled with stew, bread, and rice.

“I hope I am not disturbing you,” he motioned towards the open book in front of you.

“Oh, uh, no. It’s fine,” you nodded making him smile softly.

“What brings you here?” he asked while respectfully eating his bread.

You had to think carefully about what you wanted to say. You couldn’t just tell him that a vampire had kidnapped you, but didn’t care enough to keep an eye on you.

“I ran away from home.”

“Why is that my child?”

“My father- he uh…he would hit me...a lot, so one day I ran away,” it wasn’t a complete lie. That is what had happened at the beginning of all of this. However, your town was most likely miles and miles away.

“I am sorry, my child. Do you still, um, have bruises or anything?” he was hesitant in the way he spoke hoping he wouldn’t upset you.

You nodded causing him to sigh. Some people were truly out of God’s reach and your father needed to be punished for abusing as he had.

“Where are you from?” he asked looking back at you.

“Seoul.”

“Seoul? My, that’s ways away from here. How did you get to Busan?” he was shocked by how far you have traveled and was curious how you managed to get down here. Of course, he knew how you got there but he wanted to know if you trust him or not. By how long it took you to answer, it was obvious you didn’t trust easily.

“Many many buses,” you lied through your teeth, to a priest no less. Good thing you lost faith a long long time ago.

“I see,” bells rang in the distance signifying everyone that supper time was over and it was time to either go to your room or do chores. “We’ll get you started on chores tomorrow, okay?”

You nodded once again before standing up and taking care of your tray before heading back to your temporary room. Started on chores?? How long does he think you’re staying here? Now that you know what city you’re in, it will be much easier to get back to Seoul. You just had to find a way to get back and then figure out where you were going to stay. Your mind went to the book in your hand

You laid down so the growing headache could maybe stop from spreading from your frontal lobe to the cortex. Setting your book on the table beside you, sleep was your best choice at the moment.

Candy apple eyes stared down at the pathetic looking ‘House of God’. The eyes held hatred and disgust for the building and the oh so holy salvation that occupied it. The man’s features turned sour thinking about all the bothersome puppets that have tried to kill him, more often than not.

He wasn’t here for them, no-no. He was here for you of course. At first, he didn’t even realize you had escaped. Your scent was covering every inch of his mansion so it took maybe a whole day before he realized you were gone. The vampire was in his office so he wouldn’t bite you so much. Whenever he drank your delicious blood, he felt it course through his veins, he felt the warmth he once did when he was alive, he felt. And that terrified him. He was scared of the feeling, but he didn’t want to lose it. So he spent hours and hours researching from the very scripts his ancestors and others wrote, trying to find a way to keep you forever.

Now he’s sitting there thinking, how fucking stupid could he have been to let you leave like that. All the doors had normal locks so it wouldn’t take much brainpower to figure them out. If he didn’t get you back before another creature claimed you, it would be over. He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. Because you were different. He knew that. Your smell, your taste, and your personality. All of it was so entrancing and he let it slip away just like that. Maybe he was just being dramatic, but what vampire isn’t? Maybe it was a good thing you escaped. How else could he hunt for such scrumptious prey? He loved to hunt before he fed but that usually ended with his prey dying. This time, he was going to keep you. Not only for your blood but also for you. The sarcastic remarks you made had made him laugh, your smile made his unmoving heart skip, your eyes told a story that only you knew. Yeah, he wasn’t going to let you go.

The priest who had welcomed you had once again descended the marble stairs into the secret hideaway. Once the nun saw him approach she spoke loudly, “He’s already here and you’re playing tea party with the girl.”

“No need for malice, sister,” the priest sat down in his usual chair and placed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose. He knew he was here. Years of training his perception had been fruitful.

“I wouldn’t need to be malicious if you would just do your job!” her voice reverberated against the walls and back to them.

The woman sitting at the head of the table cleared her throat before addressing the nun who had gotten out of line, “Do not point fingers, let alone yell in the House of God, sister.”

The nun sat back in her seat while crossing her arms. She had never encountered a vampire before and she wasn’t trying to now. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Exhaling, she stiffened. She felt powerful energy that she wasn’t able to identify.

“Hello~” Jimin stood not too far away from the table but far enough to where no one could touch him before he could move. “Let’s negotiate.”

↬ ↬ ↬

It’s been a week since you’ve arrived at the church. You haven’t seen the pastor since that awkward dinner in the hall. Maybe he realized you couldn’t be helped and decided to move onto the next person. Who would help you right? You’re just a nobody who has parents that hate you. That’s normal...it’s all you’ve ever known. You sighed as you hung up the last piece of clothing on one of the lines. Not wanting to spend all day at the church again, you decided to take the book you finished back to the store. Hopefully, the nice employee was working today.

You went back to your temporary room to grab the book before you made your way to the exit of the building. On your way to the exit, it seemed like all the nuns and pastors you’ve passed we’re trying to distract you. First, a nun had asked for help with cleaning the rooftops, which sounded like a pointless job that would take all day. So you politely declined but when she insisted you told her you can help after you take the book back to the store. Then, a pastor had asked how you’ve been feeling and if you’re comfortable in your room. Saying yes to both and walking at the same time, you were able to get out of that conversation fairly quickly. And as you placed your hand on the door, two more nuns were asking you questions about you and where were going. Thankfully, another nun held their attention while you slipped through the crack in the doors.

You let out a sigh of relief and made your way to the bookstore. It felt nice to get out of there, at least for a little while. The weather seemed windy today and the clouds were slowly becoming a dark grey. Hopefully, a storm will come by. That’s always when you slept the best no matter where you slept. You were never able to sleep well, but on nights where you could hear thunder and see flashes of lightning, it lulled you to sleep, unlike any stories or songs.

Your mind suddenly went to him. Does he like storms? You stopped walking for a second, realizing your mistake. How could you think of him like that? Your cheeks get warm before you start walking again to try and forget about him and focus on getting another book.

Who cares if he likes storms? Certainly not you, he means nothing to you...do you mean nothing to him? You sighed as you weren't able to stop wondering about the handsome man that captured you months ago. It kind of made you sad that he hasn't come to find you yet. Your thoughts had you passing the bookstore before the employee from before calls out to you, “Hey!”

You snapped your head up and looked around before your eyes landed on the person who called out to you. Looking around again, you realized you had walked by the store without noticing. Your cheeks turned red before you made your back to the store where the worker waited for you with a smile.

“I think I have one you might like,” he motioned for you to follow him to the desk. He told you to set the book in your hands on the cart to the right and slid a different one on the desk.

It read Between the Spark and the Burn, the sequel to the book you had just returned. “I didn't see this the last time I was here,” you carefully picked up the book and held it in your hand by your side.

“I noticed the book you chose so I requested it from the next town over for when you finished the first one,” he sat down on the wooden stool that was rickety and old.

“Thank you,” you said quietly while keeping your gaze anywhere but him.

It’s been a while since someone did something nice for you. You're usually the one doing things for other people. You could see him smiling in the corner of your, making you realize that you were also smiling. Your cheeks were beginning to hurt so you decided to introduce yourself, “My name’s Y/n.” Hopefully, that was the right way to begin this conversation.

“Taehyung, a pleasure,” his smile grew before he covered it with his hand.

You nodded before reluctantly walking towards the door. Just as it closed behind you Taehyung was met with somebody standing next to him. He casually looked to see who it was only to find his best friend.

“Jimin~ it's been so long since you visited!” he stood up to give Jimin a hug and Jimin reciprocated. “What brings you here?”

“Turns out, you were just flirting with the girl I was talking about,” Jimin sighed as he straightened his posture to not look as short compared to his friend.

Taehyung’s eyebrows shot and pointed his thumb towards the door where you just exited. Jimin nodded before pinning him to the wall, “And you're gonna help me get her back.”

⤐ ⤐ ⤐

“Y/n!” your name echoed throughout the spacious corridor. You turned around to see the priest waving to you while jogging to catch up to you.

...you don't remember ever telling him your name. You began to panic so you quickly made your way outside and into the garden to hide behind the large rose bushes.

You heard him calling for you but stayed behind the bushes and went deeper into the rows and rows of red and white roses. You let out a sigh before sitting on the ground more comfortably.

“Blood bag, how come you haven't come home yet?”

Your whole body stiffened, but surprisingly relaxed. But now wasn't the time to question your muscles. You looked up to see the man who you thought you wouldn't have to see again.

“I've missed you, ya know,” he crouched down so his piercing eyes could be level with yours. It reminded you of the first time you met, back in the warehouse.

You remained quiet and averted your gaze to a wilting rose at the bush behind him. What were you supposed to say to him anyway? Did you miss him too? Of course, you did, he has given you more attention than anyone in your life. Up until you had spoken to Taehyung a couple of days ago.

“Blood Bag, it’s rude to ignore me,” he cupped your face with his hands decorated with silver rings.

“You ignored me for days at a time but that doesn’t matter, does it?” your anger got the best of you, making you regret even opening your mouth. You watched as his eyes widened slightly before he smirked.

“It does matter because I was doing something very important in that office.”

“Of course, what would be more important than using me as food whenever you felt like it.”

You saw his eyebrow twitch at your smartass comment. You didn’t know what had gotten over you at that time. You were usually the pushover but it seems that something about this vampire made you want to talk back. Maybe it was the smirk on his ethereal features or maybe it was just you trying to deny your feelings for him.

“I’m gonna let that slide since there’s something else I need to talk to you about,” you stood up before you had to hear any more of this unnecessary conversation. Before you were able to take a step, you were brought back to the ground. Your back hit the hard dirt making you wince. Jimin sat on your waist with each knee on either side of you. “You have recently met a very good friend of mine without even noticing what he was. I’m afraid he wants to take you as his. So I was nice enough to come here and warn you about him. But it seems you don’t want my protection…”

He trailed off waiting for you to start begging for him to help you but it never came. His smile fell and his eyebrows furrowed. Why were you not groveling? Were you not afraid? That’s not it, he can smell the delicious fear coming off of you.

“Doesn’t matter, I’m leaving by the end of next week,” you lied hoping he wouldn’t catch it.

Jimin stared at you for a second before getting off of you. But not before giving you a quick peck to the lips. Your face burned as you looked up at the grinning blood-sucker of a man. It most definitely gave Jimin an ego boost to see you so affected by his action.

“See you later, Blood Bag,” he waved before disappearing around the corner. What you didn’t see is that Jimin had to stop after turning the corner. He held his hand over the left side of his chest. It hurt. His chest was in pain. Like his heart was beating once again. The cold skin of his cheeks flushed while he felt like his lungs were actually working. If this was what it felt like just to kiss you, imagine what it would feel like to...Jimin had to stop himself. No need to let his mind go too far until you’ve fallen for him. And he was confident you would.

You finally willed your legs to get up and move to hurry to your room. You stopped when you passed an opening leading to the street in front of the church. You didn’t want to give Jimin or the priest time to find you again, so you made your way back to the bookstore.

When you got there you opened the door and your eyes instantly landed on Taehyung...and his bruised cheek above a busted lip. You stopped in your tracks making Taehyung look at you.

“Done with the book already?” a smile stretched across his face making him mumble ‘ow’.

“What happened to you?”

“Just a little friendly brawl.”

“In fifteen minutes?”

“Lots can happen in fifteen minutes.”

You shook your read to get your thoughts focused, “I came here to ask you if there was a bus or a train that left the town today.”

“Hmmm, I’m pretty sure the next train outta here isn’t for another two days,” Taehyung lied without hesitation. The next train left today in thirty minutes and wouldn’t be back until next week. He didn’t want another beating from Jimin.

“Oh, well thanks. I’ll have the book back by then,” you nodded before heading back to the church. What were you supposed to do for the next two days?

Once you made it back to the church you headed straight to your room to find the priest sitting in the wooden chair. He told you to have a seat on your bed after you closed the door.

He cleared his throat, “So you obviously seem uncomfortable around me and I apologize for whatever I have done to make you feel that way.”

Your eyes were on the book in your hand before you quietly replied, “I just never remembered telling you my name so I panicked. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I should’ve been more careful,” he saw your confused expression before continuing. “I am no ordinary priest. I am a...protector of sorts. I protect people from supernatural creatures of all kinds.”

Your eyes looked into his, and his were telling you he knew about the vampire that had kept in his home. Of course, he knew, this made you breathe out a laugh, “So you know about him.”

“I do.”

“You know, I was able to walk out the front door of his house like it was nothing,” Claude’s eyebrows raised in shock. You nodded, “He was so deeply in his work while in his office, I was able to walk out of there. But now he knows I’m here and I need to find a way out of here.”

“I can help with that. The train that transports out of town leaves in twenty minutes. I can get you there along with a ticket straight back home. If that is what you wish.”

It only took you a few seconds to register his offer and you quickly nodded and followed him out the door. All while leaving the book from Taehyung on the bed.

“What’s your name?” you asked while trying to keep up with the man that has been trying to help you for the past week and a half.

“Claude.”

He looked around the corridor before muttering the Latin mantra for the hidden door to open. Claude had to come back up a few stairs to grab your wrist to lead you down the stairs. You had unknowingly frozen in place after seeing the wall slide open to a set of stairs.

“Do all churches have a basement like this?”

“Not all, we’re one of the few that do.”

“So cool,” you whispered as you skimmed all the symbols and words that were engraved into the walls.

“There’s a tunnel that leads straight to the station. We don’t want you to miss the train, the next one won’t be here for another week,” Claude explained all while hurriedly walking down the tunnel.

You didn’t want to think about how Taehyung lied to you and how you didn’t realize that he was the friend Jimin was referring to. Just then, passed the room where you could see people sitting around a large dark wood table.

“Are we not going to talk about how you guys have a literal l a i r down here?”

“Nope.”

“Alrighty.”

Claude had led you up a flight of stairs that lead to the back of a building. You couldn’t tell what kind it was until the two of you walked up the side to the front. The large sign read Train Station. There were many benches set out but only two other people were waiting to get on the train. Claude had just realized he still had a grip on your hand but luckily you didn’t seem to mind as you read all the signs telling you the train’s schedule.

Claude paid for your ticket to Seoul before having you sit down on a bench close to the entrance gate. He looked around to make sure Jimin was nowhere in sight. Then he would glance back at you to make sure you were still there. The loud whistle of the train made it to your ears before you stood up and watched as it slowed to a stop.

“I have nowhere to stay up there,” you paused in front of the bench and started at the open door showing a few metal stairs.

“You do,” he brought a piece of paper from his pants pocket and gently set it in your hand. He nodded towards the train, motioning for you to get on before it leaves.

You thank him before boarding the locomotive and taking a seat in the designated section. Your seat was on the side of the station. Looking out to see Claude waving and smiling at you through the window. No one else was around him, nobody had gotten off and the few people that were waiting were already boarded. You waved back before your blood ran cold.

Claude’s neck was snapped right before your very eyes. His now lifeless body fell to the ground, in what felt like slow motion. The one person that had been helping you from the kindness of his heart, lied on the floor, dead.

Through your teary eyes, you saw it was Taehyung. His face showed no emotion, not even as he stared into your sorrowful eyes. As you went to stand, the train began to move and when you looked back to where Taehyung was standing, he was gone.

🩸🩸🩸

You rushed off of the train and hurriedly went to find whatever stood at the address Claude had given to you. Your head constantly went from side to side, causing a headache to form. But you didn't want the pounding of your brain against your skull to be the reason you were caught.

Finally, you ended up at the place where you met Jimin. The warehouse still appeared worn down and abandoned. Nothing had changed since you last saw it, except for the door. The door used to be blocked by wooden planks but now, it was a sleek and elegant carved piece of wood. There laid a door knocker that looked to be recently polished, in the shape of a cross.

You hesitated in reaching for the knocker and just as your fingers touched the cool metal, Taehyung interrupted. You spun around to see him even more beaten than the time before. When you went to knock again the door was gone, and the old wooden beams replaced them. You froze, that was going to be where Claude promised safety. Now you met with the thing that killed him. The thing you had considered your friend for only a short period of time.

“I didn't wanna hurt you like this, ya know. I really did want to be friends with you, and maybe even one day be more than that. Because you seem like a great person and-” he stopped talking once he noticed you had slipped through the wood and into the building. He sighed before following you in.

You wondered if there was even a point in trying to hide from him. He obviously wasn't human so he could track you down in seconds. Yet, you still went to hide in the room where you saw Jimin feeding on that stranger. And after months, her body was still there. Rotting and decaying. You gagged before exiting the room quickly.

Taehyung was right there, causing you to run into him. He held you close as you tried to pull away. He rolled his eyes as you struggled, irritated you wouldn't listen to his practiced speech all while running away. It was clear Jimin had no issue throwing punches towards his friend. Even though they were the same age physically, Jimin had been alive for much longer than he had.

You attempted to pull all your weight back as Taehyung dragged you down the stairs and to the entrance. Suddenly, you went flying back onto your ass as Taehyung’s grip left your arm. Your gaze landed on Jimin wrestling with Taehyung on the concrete floor. You looked around to find another door but there wasn't one that you could see. You didn't want to wander the building and get lost, but you also didn't want to wait for the two supernatural beings to be done with their fight.

You let out a shaky breath after realizing you're going to have to sneak past and get to the entrance. Your legs trembled as you slowly made your way around the two that were yelling at each other. Threats and fists, along with knees, we're thrown back and forth. When you got to the entrance you heard a sickening thud. It wasn't someone falling on the ground or one being thrown. No, the thud had an underlying crack to it. Turning around, you saw dark crimson ooze from Taehyung’s skull.

He was face down, making the sight easier for you to stomach. If you were able to see the look on his face and the emptiness of his eyes, you wouldn't be able to sleep again.

Jimin picked you up by your biceps, making sure you were as close to him as possible. He rested his forehead against yours. He bit his and leaned in for a kiss. Jimin kissed you over and over again until every inch of your face had met the touch of his pillowy lips. lip

“So tell me, Blood Bag, are you ready to spend an eternity with me?”

#park jimin #bts x reader #bts yandere #yandere bts x reader #yandere bts #kim taehyung #vampire #vampire jimin #jimin x reader #yandere male #yandere jimin x reader #yandere vampire #vampire jimin x reader #park jimin x reader #bts jimin #bts park jimin

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capaimagines · 3 years

Text

im changkyun - i’ll always be there

Pairing: Im Changkyun x Reader | Genre: angst & fluff | Warnings: anxiety/panic attack, mentions of depression, self-depreciating thoughts, mild self-harm (unintentional) | WC: 2.0k

Request: Hi loves! Can I please request a changkyun fic where the reader suffers from serious anxiety and depression and she tries really hard for him to go out and she does but breaks down and has a panic attack and he doesn't know what to do because he is unaware of her condition

Changkyun knew that you were more of homebody. He’d known that since you were kids. The two of you had been friends since you were little. Your mom’s were best friends which meant most of his weekends were spent being dragged to yours to play while your mom’s chatted and did their thing.

Changkyun was always more adventurous than you, he enjoyed exploring and meeting new people. You could never understand how two people who were polar opposites could get along but it worked for you two. However, Changkyun wasn’t aware of just how bad your anxiety about going out was, or more importantly, how low you have been feeling recently.

He knew you really struggled with your emotions and he always did his best to pick you up and be there for you. When you had been offered the perfect job; working from home and only having to go into the office for large meetings every so often, you were ecstatic. Though that meant you had to move to the city. You were ready to turn the opportunity down until Changkyun, like he always did, came to be your knight in shining armor.

So the two of you moved out and lived together. You felt guilty for taking him away from all his friends and family, but he always assured you over and over again that he was fine and this was a new adventure for him also. He did well living in the city, he was able to land a job as producer for a large company and while there were nights where he didn’t come home, he truly seemed to be enjoying himself.

However, you were struggling. A terrible downside of being too nervous to leave the comfort of your apartment always led to your depression coming back. You would manage small walks here and there to try and get out and soak in the sun, but you would quickly return home mid panic attack.

Changkyun wasn’t too aware of all this. He had been working later and later recently and he had barely been home all week. You were spiraling into the black abyss and you couldn’t pull yourself out. You could at least manage to shower and seem normal when Changkyun was home, but the moment he left, you were stuck alone with your thoughts.

Your head was constantly telling you that no one would want you as a friend. That Changkyun was just taking pity on you, he was tired of you or you were too plain, too boring. You deserved to be alone and you were starting to believe that was your destiny. To be alone with no one around. To live in the dark hole for the rest of your life.

You snapped out of your thoughts at the sound of your phone ringing. You couldn’t even muster up the energy to smile at Changkyun’s name.

“Y/N?” You hadn’t even realized you picked it up.

“O-oh. Changkyun-ah,” If he noticed how tired you sounded he didn’t say anything.

“Hey, my friends would really like to meet you. We’re supposed to be getting dinner in a few hours and they asked me to invite you. Can you come? Please? It’d be nice to get you out of the apartment and I promise you it will be fun!” Inwardly you were already starting to panic. Saying no to Changkyun was something you always had trouble with.

“Okay,” You mustered out and Changkyun promised to pick you up in a few hours. You shakily stood on your legs and gave yourself a cold shower. You had hoped it would knock the anxiety bubbling up but it didn’t. You didn’t know how you were going to make it through a meal with strangers, but you didn’t want to embarrass Changkyun either.

You already embarrass him.

His friends are going to think you��re weird.

You don’t deserve a friend like Changkyun.

You sighed, shaking your head. You had to do this for him, he never asked you for much. This wasn’t anything big. He simply just wanted you to meet his friends. Two hours later you were sitting on the couch in the best clothes you owned, leg bouncing up at down. You were squeezing your hands together in hopes to quell the anxiety. Though It was no use.

The minute Changkyun walked in and called your name you felt your heart rate spike. You didn’t know if you could do this, but there your best friend stood, in his skinny jeans and t-shirt with a large smile on his face. You couldn’t let him down. You always let him down.

“You okay?” He questioned which you blinked at him and offered what you hoped was a happy smile and nodded slightly.

“Y-yeah. I’m fine. Let’s go!”

You hooked your arm in his and he smiled brightly down at you before leading you to the car. The whole way to the restaurant Changkyun was talking about something that you didn’t catch a word of. Your eyes were trained on the windshield, heart pounding in your chest. You felt warm, too warm. You felt lightheaded and like you couldn’t breathe.

“P-pull over,” You stuttered

“What?” Changkyun asked confusedly.

“Changkyun, please,” You pleaded, “ I-I need you to pull over.”

You felt like you were going to vomit. It felt all too small and crowded in the car. There wasn’t enough air. Changkyun pulled over, worried. Encasing his features as you stumbled out of the car as you leaned against the brick wall of whatever building was in front of you. Your breathing was erratic, the cold air was doing nothing to quell what felt like fire on your skin. You were dizzy, the world was spinning.

You slid down, placing your back against the cool bricks and trying to control your breathing, trying to feel anything but the pins and needles in your fingertips. Your legs felt numb. There were too many people walking around, too many people staring at you. You started gasping for air, fingernails digging into your forearm. You didn’t feel the sting when they broke the skin.

“Y/N! Hey! Y/N!” You knew that was Changkyun’s voice, but it sounded so panicked. He sounded scared, worried. You could feel a warmth grab your hands and you looked down trying to find the source. Changkyun was holding your hands in his, pulling them away from your arm. You noticed the little specks of blood on your forearm. When did that happen?

“Y/N!” Changkyun raised his voice slightly, “I need you to look at me!” You felt his calloused hands roughly grab at your chin and through your gazed look you could make out Changkyun’s worried orbs.

“C-Changkyun?” You stuttered weakly. It felt a little easier to breathe.

“It’s me honey. L-let’s get you home, okay? ”You somehow managed to nod and he pulled you up as you leaned all your weight against him. You were mentally and physically drained.

He sat you in the car and ran around, turning back towards your home. He didn’t say anything, but you could hear how his fingers were drumming on the steering wheel. You felt guilty. Extremely guilty. All he wanted from you was to have one meal with his friends and you couldn’t even make it there. You don’t deserve him. You hold him back from so much. He left everything for you and you can’t even go out for a meal with him.

You let your thoughts take over, falling deeper and deeper into the darkness clouding you. You hadn’t even noticed you were back at your apartment building until Changkyun lightly grabbed your arm. His eyes scanned yours for what felt like hours but was only a few seconds. He was trying to find answers, trying to understand what had just happened.

You shakily followed him back into your apartment and went straight to your room. You collapsed on your bed, curling into the fetal position with a plushy he had won you at some stupid carnival when you were teenagers in between you. You let the tears fall, hating yourself for how pathetic you had become. Your thoughts were right. Changkyun would be much better off without you.

You hadn’t heard him walk in or feel him sit down on the bed next to your feet. He was watching you, observing you. When had the circles under your eyes become so big and dark? Why did it look like you had lost more weight? Had he been so busy he didn’t even notice how bad his best friend was hurting? How much you needed him?

“Y/N,” He murmured and your breath hitched. You sat up, throwing your arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder.

“I’m so s-s-sorry, Kyun. I’m so s-sorry! I-I can’t do anything! I can’t e-even go out f-f-for a proper meal w-with you! I’m such a waste of a human!” His eyes were wide as you blabbered on about how you were a terrible person and friend.

How you sobbed about how sorry you were for holding him back, for making him feel like he needs to stay here with you. He pulled you away from his shoulder, tears and snot running down your face as he just stared at you. You continued to sob and he gently started wiping tears away and cleaning your nose with the tissues by your bed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was low and you were surprised you heard it over your cries.

“There was nothing to tell. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. You should go meet your friends,” Whatever emotions that had just exploded out of you were now gone. Now you just sounded empty, felt empty. You were tired and you just wanted to sleep. You pulled away from his grasp and laid down, staring at the wall in front of you.

“Are you fucking joking me?” He replied back harshly.

You winced a little at his harsh tone. You’d only seen him angry a handful of times but it was never directed at you, “You think I’m just going to go see my friends when you’re feeling like this? Are you stupid?” He was kneeling in front of you now, in your line of vision. You couldn’t say anything. You were too tired now.

“You’re my best fucking friend, L/N Y/N. I am not leaving you. I’m here. I’m always here,” His voice was low again, but desperate. He needed you to know that he was there for you, always. That you are one of the most important people in his life, if not, the most important, “You do not hold me back. You aren’t a shitty friend.”

He made sure you were listening to him, hearing him.

“You’re one of the best people in my life. You always have been. You make me laugh. You always make sure there’s food waiting for me whether I come home or not. You do my laundry because you know that I’ll shrink it. You text me every day and scold me to eat and drink water. You have food delivered to my studio,” He continued to ramble.

You felt a new wave of tears sting your eyes, “You,” He grabbed your hand with one of his and squeezed it tight, “You are my person. My best friend. I am always here. When you’re sad, when you’re mad, when you feel nothing. I’m here. I’ll always be here Y/N,” You squeezed his hand back with as much strength as you could muster. He smiled. He knew you were too tired to speak but he knew you heard him.

“Now scooch over. We’re watching your favorite movie, I’ll order us some takeout and we’re going to cuddle until I see a genuine smile on your face, dammit,” You let out a small chuckle and moved over. He smiled weakly down at you before crawling next to you and pulling your head to his chest. This was your best friend. This was your person. You couldn’t let yourself doubt that, ever.

“I’ll always be there,” He murmured as you closed your eyes.

#monsta x #monsta x fluff #monsta x angst #monsta x imagines #monsta x x reader #monsta x im #IM #im changkyun #im changkyun angst #im changkyun fluff #monsta x changkyun #shownu #jooheon #hyungwon #kihyun #minhyuk

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pradaksj · 4 years

Text

7 Rings | 02

♛ pairing: taehyung/reader

♛ genre: richboy!taehyung | blackmailer!reader | infiltration au | future smut | angst.

♛ rating: mature

♛ word count: 9,990+

♛ warnings for this chapter : explicit language, usage of alcohol (legal)

♛ (please read) author’s note: This chapter basically goes back in time to the day in which Y/N finds out about her mother, but instead we now get a glimpse of tae’s life so there is not much y/n in this chapter !! Just to let y’all know so you don’t get confused :)

♛ summary: In desperate need of money, you and your best friend come up with a plan to infiltrate one of Seoul’s richest families, the Kim family. The plan was simple, garner some money and disappear, but of course things don’t always go as planned. Especially not with someone like Kim Taehyung.

━ ❝ Whoever said money can't solve your problems, must not have had enough money to solve 'em.❞

♛ chapter index/masterlist || series masterlist

Chapters⇢ 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08

Friday Morning.

“In today’s news, the Kim family’s multibillion dollar deal has been officially confirmed. Their partnership with Hyundai is estimated to bring in at least seven billion in revenue to Korea’s economy over the next 5 years. Both parties have agreed to terms that will lift…”

Kim Taehyung stared at the coffee shop’s mounted TV as he waited in line to order, feeling as if it was already too early to be stressed out. The weary feeling of 4 hours of sleep was beginning to manifest itself, irritation slowly beginning to take its form. Honestly, it was a feeling he found himself feeling quite often these days. In a few years, the responsibility of a billion dollar empire would be under his hands, something he wasn’t exactly looking forward to. The images of his dad shaking hands with Hyundai’s CEO appearing on the TV, the man was basically hailed a hero. Taehyung’s eyes narrowed at the sight.

One could say his relationship with his father was not only distant but … complicated. As Taehyung grew up watching his dad’s empire become almost unstoppable, it also meant that he was always away from home. Though for the most part, Taehyung didn’t mind. His mother was everything a child could ask for, compassionate, hard-working, and never failing to provide her almost endless unconditional love for the young boy.

When he was younger though, his father seemed like an unattainable hero, an inspiration, and at some point it was a relationship he longed for. He often felt guilty whenever he’d hear kids in his school mention not having a father figure in their lives, either due to tragedy or other unspecified reasons. He was lucky enough to have his father in his life … so then why didn’t it ever feel like it ? Not like he had a right to complain.

Without his father he wouldn’t have grown up in the world of luxuries as he was fortunately able to. You see, there was a reason why Kim Enterprises was plastered all over Seoul (if not all of Korea), and that was because they were the IT company. A multi-conglomerate holding company who owned stakes in almost every major company from South Korea that you could possibly think of. Their rise in power was truly undeniable.

The company had been founded just a couple of years before Taehyung had been born, originally starting off as an insurance company which had done small investments in prospect companies, slowly rising in their investment and stakeholder shares. At least that was the story Taehyung’s father told him growing up, never failing to remind him that he came from nothing, and for that reason Taehyung should be nothing but grateful, stating that because of him he’d never know what it was like to feel the stigma of being poor in his own home and the powerlessness that comes with it. And you see Taehyung had absolutely no problem with that because well… it was true, and there was no denying that. What bothered him though, was that those speeches never seemed to come out of a place of genuinity, but one of animosity. As if to remind Taehyung that without his father he was, is, and would’ve been nothing.

To a certain extent he respected his father, but he didn’t love him. There was no genuine relationship there, and he knows it may sound horrible to say, but Taehyung most definitely had his reasons. But some things were just simply better left unsaid.

“Hello? Next in line,” a voice (an annoyed one at that) interrupted his thoughts, as he failed to realize that the cashier had been calling out for him for who knows how long. Though he didn’t take her harsh attitude to heart, if anything sympathizing with her and what he assumed was a stressful job, and it wasn’t like he was making it any easier by being a slow-poke.

“Welcome to Seoul’s Magnificent Mocha, what can I get for you this morning?” she asked once he had made his way up front to the cashier counter. Taking off his sunglasses, he couldn’t but want to laugh at how quick her facial expression had changed. It was the face that people made when they recognized him. It was amazing what a simple baseball cap and some shades could do, he hadn’t even worn his black face mask this time. “Y-You—” she began to stutter her words, instead slowly pointing at the TV. He gave her a small smile along with a small nod as a way of confirming what she was trying to say.

“That would be me,” he smiled, “Can I get an iced Americano and um a,” he paused trying to remember what Namjoon had wanted, “strawberry iced tea. Both medium please,” he finished off the order clearly sounding very uncertain.

“It’s g-going to b-be um,” the poor girl was so nervous she couldn’t even tell him his total without stuttering, “15,000 Won,” He proceeded in handing her a 50,000 note.

“You can keep the change,” he winked at her before putting his sunglasses back on and politely dismissing himself towards the waiting area, quietly laughing at how quickly she facepalmed herself when he was out of her line of sight.

Taehyung always did have a special charm on people, plus he was good looking, and he knew it. He didn’t have any special talents, nothing he could actually proudly boast about. It would be dense of him not to acknowledge that the only reason he was so famous was because of both his status and looks.

There were many people who swooned over him such as the cashier, but there were also many who believed he was still the same old spoiled brat who was nothing but a troublemaker from four years ago. It didn’t help that gossip blogs were still using the same clips from years ago when he really was nothing but a troublemaker who liked flashing his expensive cars for the paparazzi, and purposely kept a high profile. He had been naive, nothing but an eighteen year old teenager who thought fame was better than anything else in the entire world. Four years later, now at the age of twenty-two, and he had long learned that fame was horrible. But he had changed and that’s all that mattered, right? A complete 180, if you will.

Those people didn’t know him, so what made them think they had the right to judge him? To act as if they’d do things any better if they were in his position. The only Kim Taehyung they ever knew was the one they’d seen through a screen. He remembered the first time his name had made its way on the headline of gossip blogs and the comments that came with it.

[Kim Taehyung, son of Kim Jeong spotted out having a wild night out in Hongdae. Pictures leaked from last night with some steamy footage. Click here for more.]

[+3,623, -59] he better pray he doesn’t catch any STD’s while he’s at it ㅋㅋㅋ wouldn’t be surprised if he already has some

[+3,100, -100] i feel bad for his dad, he expects someone like this to run the fortune he’s worked so hard for??? he’s so young as well…

[+2,547, -57] leave him alone and respect his privacy

[+2,100, -23] ah he’s so cute!! whoever was dancing with him is one lucky lady!

[+1,022, -34] a brat like that doesn’t deserve the things he has

That night had only been the beginning to years of nothing but front covering gossip magazines and having his privacy invaded on a daily basis. People became invested in what he was doing with his personal life, his friends, who he was seeing, what he was wearing, and anything else you could possibly think of. He often wondered why, but he assumed it was the same reason as to why people continue to give someone like Kim Kardashian attention despite claiming to hate her. Because people want a glimpse of a world that isn’t their own, simply fascinated by the rich. That and their obsession for scandal only adds fuel to the fire.

With fame came pressure though, pressure to uphold an image for the family company, one his father fairly cared about these days. Hell, nowadays his dad gave him more attention than he ever did as a child, all because he knew that Taehyung was and is the future for Kim Enterprises. It was his father’s pressure that led to his current relationship with— ah speak of the devil.

[From: Sunhi]

[9:10AM] I know you see my texts.

[9:11AM] why are you ignoring me???

[9:12AM] hello???

“Taehyung! Your Iced Americano and strawberry iced tea is ready!” Taehyung rolled his eyes as he glanced through the several number of text messages, instead locking his phone and going up to grab the drinks.

Sunhi was the granddaughter of Hyundai’s CEO and had long been in the picture as early as Taehyung could remember. The two went to the same middle and high school, a one sided crush on her side forming at some point. It wasn’t until about a year ago after returning, that his father had basically forced him to take her out on a date citing that it was in his words, “good for business”. And well today the “good for business” approach had its results, the confirmation of a multibillion dollar deal.

The media loved the two together, hell, they were even labelled as Seoul's next generation’s power couple. Their names amassing a fortune worth billions behind them, their good looks garnering both of them ambassador deals, all in the meanwhile social media was the backbone of the phenomenon that was their so called “relationship”. Not that Taehyung considered it much of one, in his opinion it had stopped being an actual relationship a long time ago.

It wasn’t that Taehyung hated Sunhi, in fact in the beginning of their relationship he was smitten for her, but it wasn’t long until the spark burned out. “Wasn’t long” meaning a couple of weeks in and she actually turned out to be the real definition of a brat, the actual real-life manifestation of Blair Waldorf. Constant up and downs with her had quickly worn him out, and the constant badgering from the media only made things worse. But that doesn't mean he hated her, in order for him to hate her he’d actually have to care about her, and well in all honesty… he didn’t.

Sometimes he’d ask himself why he was still with her considering the deal had long been confirmed even before today. Taehyung had been free to do what he’d like for a long time, meaning there had never been a need for him to have kept this going for so long, he just did. One must ask, why?

Maybe it was because he knew she was the safest option, the person everyone expected and wanted him to be with. Breaking up with her right now would only further his stress, something he definitely didn’t need more of. Plus she knew him from the surface, and he knew her from the surface, and maybe that was just enough. He didn’t need, or want, anything more than that from her or anyone else for that matter. Sunhi was just enough.

It wasn’t like she was using him for anything, especially considering she already has everything. But by being with her, he was satisfying others, he was becoming the person everyone wanted him to be, the person he always should’ve been.

Hell, who knows, maybe he could truly fall in love with her one day … though in the back of his mind he knew the answer to that.

“Took you long enough,” Namjoon complained as he turned on the ignition of the car. He glanced at the drinks in Taehyung's hands, dramatically sighing at the sight, “and you somehow still ended up ordering the wrong drink for me,” he sighed, grabbing the drink from Taehyung’s hands nonetheless.

“My bad, I had forgotten in the moment…” he shot an apologetic smile towards his newly dyed platinum-haired friend.

Namjoon was the son of another one of Seoul’s elite, but also Taehyung’s right hand man. The two had met during their freshman year of high school, but funnily enough the two originally hated one another. Now looking back at it, Taehyung could admit that the two had acted extremely childish over a girl who’d end up picking neither of them, but that was a story to tell for another day.

Luckily Namjoon seemed to enjoy the drink, no longer complaining about it during the ride to Lotte World Mall. The two needed to go buy some new suits for tonight's event in celebration of the brand new deal between Kim Enterprises and Hyundai. The paparazzi were definitely going to be there and with all eyes on him, Taehyung decided that he might as well look good.

Friday Evening.

By the time Taehyung had returned to his place, he was both drained and exhausted, the idea of taking a nap and ditching the event seeming all too tempting. Namjoon this morning had felt the need to visit almost every high end store he could think of and try on the most useless things including scarves, gloves, and a whole bunch of other things. Basically going back and forth all across the mall whenever he’d regret not buying something.

He carried his bags upstairs to his room, ready to plop onto his bed and take a well deserved nap, but of course as always the universe seemed to work against him.

“I’ve been waiting for you!” he silently cursed to himself, asking himself why he thought it was a good idea to give Sunhi access to his penthouse. “Of course you went shopping without me, and to think I wanted to color coordinate,” she puckered her lips attempting to give him a small kiss on the lips, but before she could Taehyung had turned his cheek causing her to almost entirely miss.

She quickly composed herself acting as if that didn’t just happen, instead beginning to rummage through his bags, complimenting the things he chose while he just laid in bed slowly taking in deep breaths trying not to snap at her for coming unannounced. “So what exactly is that you came here for Sunhi…” he mumbled, failing to hide his annoyance.

She pouted, “Well you weren’t answering my texts, and I wanted to know whether you’d be going tonight…” she began to give him small pecks on his face, hoping that he’d show some kind of affection.

“I am, I am. I’m just really tired right now and in desperate need of a nap,” he responded, ignoring her obvious attempts to initiate things. His eyelids were half way closed, clearly ready to knock out at any second.

“Oh well I’ll just stay—”

“No, no. Just go back home, get ready, and I’ll see you over there okay?” his voice was much harsher this time, turning to face the other direction of his bed which was no longer facing her, a cold gesture on his part.

Sunhi sat there for a moment, feeling a mixture of both anger and disappointment. She wanted to say something, but instead crossed her arms, and let out a huff of air in response. Taking one last look at him before getting up from his bed and walking herself out. The same old feeling of being unwanted creeping into her mind, a feeling she knew all too well.

Friday Night.

By the time he had arrived, Taehyung thought that the paparazzi would’ve grown impatient waiting for him and end up leaving, but as per usual he was completely wrong. If anything, him being late had only caused them to triple in numbers. Those men really had no shame, their camera flashes penetrating through the Mercedes Benz’s tinted windows.

“You let me know when you’re ready Mr. Kim,” his security guard said. Taehyung took a deep breath, fixing his YSL brooch before nodding to him, letting him know that he was ready. He was quickly greeted with a stammering number of questions.

“Where’s Sunhi?”

“Over here! Over here!”

“How’s your night been?”

Taehyung tried to not make any faces, knowing that even the slightest lift of the brow would be taken out of context, and that by tomorrow morning there’d be a whole bunch of rumors trending on Twitter. The only thing was that the paparazzi always knew how to push his buttons whether it was shouting something rude, roughly grabbing at him, and etc.

At this point he just needed a drink to relax and take his mind off of these low life men who had nothing else better to do than to try and make a quick buck off his name.

“Finally! Took you long enough,” he heard, quickly spotting Namjoon the moment he entered the venue, wondering if he had been waiting up front for him the whole time.

“You didn’t have to wait for me you know? And plus it’s not my fault you had me running circles around the mall,” Taehyung said causing Namjoon to scoff in response, “Has he given his speech?” the “he” Taehyung was referring to was his father.

“I honestly don’t know,” Namjoon shrugged, who like Taehyung, never did like these kinds of events as they always had him wanting to knock out halfway through, the only thing he really did appreciate was the food they served.

The two walked towards the bar which caught their attention much more than the cathedral-inspired venue, deciding that a drink was necessary to kick the night off right.

“Two gin and tonics please,” the bartender nodded, beginning to prepare their drinks. Taehyung watched the bartender pour gin into his jigger, curious as to how someone could memorize the recipes for so many drinks. “How many years does it take for one to learn the ways of bartending?” he asked the brown-haired man, an attempt to strike conversation.

“Ah well a simple gin and tonic is something every bartender should know like it’s the back of their hand,” the man chuckled, “but if you’re talking about something like hmm,” he paused for a moment, “something like a bloody mary perhaps.”

A bloody mary? Isn’t that just vodka with some tomato juice?

“It’s much more than that,” the bartender laughed at Taehyung who was slightly taken aback, not realizing that he must’ve said what he was thinking aloud. “Though those are the two the main ingredients, it includes salt, pepper, hot sauce, garlic, herbs,” Taehyung was now genuinely curious as to where the bartender was going with this, “It covers the entire range of the human palate from sweet, salty, sour, unami, and savory but you have to make sure it doesn’t taste bitter.”

He continued talking as he poured the tonic water onto the frosted drinking glasses, “A little too much of one ingredient or a little too less and the whole drink goes to waste. You have to find a balance,” he emphasized the last part, almost as if this went beyond drinks, “Someone who wants a bloody mary is someone who definitely knows what they’re looking for,” he concludes his sermon-like speech, intensely staring at Taehyung. Namjoon looked at the man like he was crazy, who the hell overanalyzes a drink to this extent? Taehyung on the other had a look of fascination on his face, instead returning the stare.

“Well … cheers!,” Namjoon breaks the tense silence by raising his drink, momentarily being left hung dry until soon enough Taehyung lifted his drink up as well, the two of them clinking their glasses before chugging the bittersweet drink down their throats.

“Ah there he is!” Taehyung turned around, watching as his father made his way towards him, right alongside Sunhi’s parents. The two gave each other an awkward hug, “You better have a good damn reason for being so late,” his father harshly whispered into his ear before pulling back, the famous fake grin that Taehyung had grown to hate still plastered onto his face. The man was an expert at saving face, like father like son.

Taehyung remained silent instead politely greeting Sunhi’s parents before watching the trio as they made their way to greet other guests.

“I’m going to need a second drink,” he exasperated, causing Namjoon to let out a laugh. The bartender nodded, immediately beginning to prepare their drinks.

“I’m surprised Sunhi hasn’t gotten her claws on you yet, I could’ve sworn she was here earlier,” Namjoon mentioned causing Taehyung to shrug, his expression now dulled at the mention of her.

“I feel bad, I sorta snapped at her earlier, but she kept on nagging me, wouldn’t let me sleep in peace. I blame you,” he said, commenting on the situation earlier.

“Hey I’m not the one whose forcing you to be with her,” Namjoon remarked, causing Taehyung to shoot him a glare, his eyebrows now furrowed.

Instead he changed the topic, accustomed to Namjoon’s dismay of the relationship, “I just want to go home and sleep,” Taehyung yawned, the event was boring him more and more by the minute.

“Same he—” Namjoon suddenly stopped mid sentence, something more “important” now having caught his eye.

“You’re practically drooling, you do realize that right?” Taehyung deadpanned, glancing at the girl who had caught his friend’s eye. She was pretty, he wasn’t going to lie, but she seemed like someone who was quite stuck up to be honest. But he assumed that about everyone around here as it takes one to know one. “So are you going to just stand here and stare like a creep or …”

“You don’t mind me leaving you here?” Namjoon’s voice sounded a little too excited. Taehyung shrugged his shoulders, he wasn’t the type of person who couldn’t stand being alone. In fact, he enjoyed his own company sometimes, he had actually read somewhere that it was quite important for one’s own mental health.

“I think I need to go find Sunhi either way, or else she’ll be nagging me the whole night as to why I didn’t find her sooner, that and apologize for earlier,” Namjoon nodded, lightly patting on his shoulder before making his way to the woman who had caught his eye, trying his best not to gawk so much.

“Now where could she be…” Taehyung mumbled to himself, having now left the bar and instead walking around the venue, making a half-assed attempt at looking for his girlfriend.

Taehyung could feel his legs swaying left to right, the lack of balance he had was probably laughable to anyone who wasn’t him. He wasn’t drunk, at least that’s what he was telling himself. The way the world was spinning told him otherwise. In all honesty he had only asked for a couple more drinks after the second one, but nonetheless he always was a lightweight drinker to begin with. His bladder felt as if it was going to burst at any moment so instead of Sunhi being his top priority, going to the restroom now was.

He looked around, the signs on the doors now looking slightly blurry. He grabbed the handle to what looked like could be the men’s restroom harshly pushing the door open.

Everything happens for a reason… right?

“Oh my God, It’s not what it looks like,” Because what were the chances that he caught her right in the act, with none other than Jeon Jungkook.

Taehyung had seen this situation play out in so many movies and TV shows, whereas the boyfriend usually destroys everything in his way and immediately begins to throw punches at the lover, and yada yada yada. But for some odd reason all Taehyung could do was stand there and watch as she hurriedly tried placing her bra back on.

He couldn’t help but actually want to … laugh. Really, because what were the chances? What were the chances that instead of walking into what he thought was a restroom, he instead walked in on his girlfriend and Seoul’s biggest man-whore about to fuck in a janitor’s closet.

He glanced at Jungkook who had nothing but a giant smirk plastered on his face, not even bothering to put his shirt back on.

Taehyung gathered his thoughts… What was he supposed to do again?

Nothing. There was absolutely nothing left for Kim Taehyung to do, but to turn around and walk away. And so that’s what he did, drowning out her pleads for him to stay, a small smile gracing his lips. He was finally free.

Namjoon must’ve left early because once Taehyung had returned back to the bar, he was nowhere to be found. He decided it was just best to leave before Sunhi could find him and start begging him to hear her out. After texting his security guard to meet him out front, he asked for a bottle of water and attempted at fully sobering up before he’d have to face several rapidly flashing lights in his face.

Did it end up actually helping? Fuck no. God, why did they have to park his Mercedes so far away. It was as if no matter how many steps he felt like he was taking, he was no closer to where he wanted to be.

“Smile for the camera man, come on!” The rapid flashes of light caused Taehyung to stumble his footsteps worse than before, the responses he gave to the multiple questions being thrown at him coming out more like mumbles and slurs. He knew that deep inside his brain was sending him signals on what to do, whether his body was listening was another story.

“Watch where you’re going man! Momma’s boy can’t handle his liq—” one of the paparazzo shouted at him while grabbing at his arm, and maybe it had been cause he was drunk, maybe because he was simply just tired, but in an instant Taehyung had felt his fist collide with the man’s face throwing everyone and everything into a frenzy. The questions and comments now coming out of their mouths at a lightning speed, some were cursing him out, others were pretending to praise him at an attempt to get him to say something, but none of it mattered because by the time he got into the car it was too late to take any of it back, and soon enough everything had gone black.

Saturday Evening.

The hangover the next day was literal hell, Taehyung felt as if the inner surface of his skull was practically being thrashed upon, his eyesight struggling to cope with the rays of daylight that directly shone on his eyes. Not only that, but his mouth had felt so dry, however having to get up for water seemed like so much work to do considering how much his back was aching.

It was like the flu except it had been self-inflicted. He attempted to raise his heavy eyelids all in one go, just for them to immediately fall shut. He could feel the constant vibrating notifications from his phone, choosing to ignore it altogether as he figured it was probably Sunhi sending him several text messages. Even if it wasn’t her, he was too lazy to even stretch his arm out and disconnect his phone. Maybe he could sleep it off, he thought to himself, curling himself back under his thick duvet.

How was it that he was barely 22 and already facing the repercussions of intense hangovers when just a couple of years ago he could drink all night long and wake up the next day hangover free. It was as if with each passing year it just got worse, no wonder so many older folks didn’t get drunk anymore, they had learnt it the hard way.

And just as he was about to fall asleep, of course his stomach had to both lurch and gurgle like some kind of trapped animal. He groaned, swinging his feet around in bed like a kid who had just been told “no”. Sadly, he was going to have to force himself to get up and so he did.

Once on his feet, he immediately felt the room sway almost causing him to lose balance until he managed to grab onto his bedstead in order to keep himself standing. He yawned and stretched out his entire body, lowkey loving the sound of his bones cracking. Time to start a new day.

After brushing up, he began to prepare himself something quick to eat fearing that his stomach was going to lash out on him any moment and so he decided to make some scrambled eggs. Quick and easy. Right?

Wrong.

The rare occasions that Taehyung did cook were always 50/50, as in there was half a chance whatever he cooked would come out either decent or completely under/over cooked. The boy practically lived off of takeout, restaurants, and microwaveable food, but at this current moment he needed food and quickly at that. Today his eggs had come out slightly undercooked with some of the yolk still a little slimy, but it was edible nonetheless.

As he ate he was genuinely surprised at the fact that Sunhi didn’t ambush his home this morning, causing him to set a reminder on his phone to remove her fingerprint off of his security system as soon as possible. He scrolled through her long thread of texts that consisted of her going back and forth between apologizing, begging, and guilt tripping him, only causing him to roll his eyes and sigh.

[Incoming Facetime from: Namjoon 🐨]

Taehyung quirked his brow before clicking “accept”.

“Weren’t you the one who scolded me about facetiming without sending a warning text,” he laughed, it wasn’t like he was lying.

“Ah I know, I know, but I felt sorta bad for just leaving last night without saying goodbye, but a man has his needs,” Namjoon now sported a giant grin on his face, probably recalling last night’s events, “and well I thought you’d be in bed hungover, in need of a wake up call,” he joked only causing Taehyung to flash him the middle finger through the screen.

“Well I’m up,” Taehyung wondered if Namjoon knew, maybe Sunhi had told him or something. He quickly scratched the idea as he knew Sunhi was the type of person to try and keep everything under wraps … but Jeon Jungkook was not.

Jeon Jungkook.

Remember the small mention of Namjoon and Taehyung fighting over the affections of a girl only for her to end up choosing someone else. That someone else was none other than Jeon Jungkook, one of Upper Seoul’s biggest man-whores, if not the biggest man whore. If Sunhi was actually someone Taehyung loved, he probably would’ve punched that stupid smirk off of Jungkook’s face last night, but luckily he didn’t have to. Did Jungkook have it out for Taehyung? It was unclear to be honest. This definitely wasn’t the first time Jungkook has attempted at sabotaging him despite Taehyung clearly showing he could care less.

In fact the two before yesterday’s incident had actually been mutual acquaintances being in the same “circle” and all. That circle being the sons of the multi million/billionares of Seoul which included names such as Kim Seokjin and Park Jimin. Namjoon in particular was good friends with Seokjin, who in return was very close with Jungkook. Seokjin and Namjoon both being the “neutral” bridge between the two. So Taehyung wasn’t going to be surprised if Seokjin had in fact informed Namjoon of yesterday’s dilemma. It had been Seokjin who told Namjoon of Jungkook’s actions of the past such as leaking Taehyung’s location to paparazzi on a number of occasions, stealing brand deals under Taehyung’s nose, and many other things.

“So…”

“I know that you know,” Taehyung chuckled out, causing Namjoon to let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh great, I was really not looking forward to beating around the bush and forcing it out of you,” he laughed, “well it looks like you got what you wanted.”

Taehyung’s nose crinkled in confusion, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come on!—” Namjoon’s mouth curved into his famous dimpled smile, obviously trying (but failing) to repress his laugh, “Don’t act like you’re not the happiest man on Earth right now! You’ve probably been praying for something like this to happen for forever,” Taehyung’s face went sour, “You’ve needed an excuse to break up with Sunhi without you ending up being the bad guy for so long, and that’s why you probably haven’t even shedded a single tear since you found out,” he insisted causing Taehyung to let out a bitter scoff , mumbling a silent “That’s not true.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night Tae—” suddenly the sound of something abruptly falling grabbed Namjoon’s attention, “Moni! Put that down! Uh I gotta go, just text me later alright,” and with that he clicked, presumably to deal with his white feisty Eskimo.

Taehyung glanced at the clock which read 3:25PM, a small nap wouldn’t hurt right?

Sunday Morning.

So much for a “small nap”. Despite him having slept the whole Saturday off, Taehyung had woken up very early and in a good mood, ready to have himself a productive day.

He made himself breakfast that even a 5 year old could make: avocado toast with different slices of fruit and a simple protein shake. While letting his breakfast settle down in his stomach, he began to do his pre-workout stretch, with his goal in mind for today’s run being at least 6 miles.

After he was done stretching, he went down to the lobby making sure to politely greet his “neighbors”. They were the same people who kept tabs on him and sold him out to the press every chance they got, but not like he could lash out on them so instead he was forced to give them fake smiles along with stiff waves.

During his morning run, Taehyung took into appreciation of the crisp morning air which was both cold and dry. The view of the river brought him a sense of relaxation and before he knew it, he was done with his workout.

“What a beautiful day,” he had thought to himself as he walked back to his penthouse’s building, ready to take a much needed shower, but of course he should’ve known she was going to ambush him at some point because there she was, sitting in the building’s lobby.

Once she spotted him she immediately got up from the couch. He tried to quickly outpace her and get into the elevator, but she yanked on his hand preventing him from going any further.

“Stop avoiding me… please,” she sounded distraught which confused him. She certainly didn’t look distraught when she was getting her neck sucked on by Jungkook.

“Can we do this,” he pushed her hand off, “some other time. You’re gonna make a scene,” he scolded her. The two of them were in the middle of the lobby, and even though there seemed to be no one around, he could never be too sure.

“No because it seems this is the only way I could get your attention,” she muttered , “especially considering you removed my access,” causing him to let out a stifled laugh.

“Well that’s what someone does when they’re significant other hmm I don’t know cheats on them,” his voice emphasized the last words.

“I didn’t,” she quickly lowered her voice once she realized she had shouted that part out, “cheat on you,” she mumbled. “I was about to, but I didn’t,” she dramatically waved her finger at him.

“Yeah because I walked in on you?” he wondered if she knew how stupid she sounded.

“Well maybe if you showed me some affection every once in a while I wouldn’t have resorted to such acts!” What the two hadn't realized was that there was someone in the lobby quietly hiding behind a pillar, secretly recording the interaction between the two.

“Sunhi,” he ran his hand through his hair, letting out an exasperated sigh, “can you just leave me alone? There is no fixing this, especially since this,” he made a motion with his fingers pointing to the both of them, “has been broken for a very long time.” And with the final word, he turned around and walked away, not bothering to look at her face which had now fallen from expression.

Sunday Night.

“Kim Taehyung NASTY fight with girlfriend Sunhi. Click here for more.” was what the Twitter article headlined their argument, and of course the link provided the video of the whole thing.

[From: Namjoon 🐨]

[10:10] you really can be an ass [link to video]

[To: Namjoon 🐨]

[10:11] how!!

[10:11] i just told her the truth, at the end of the day no one can tell me that I was in the wrong 🤷🏻‍♂️

[From: Namjoon 🐨]

[10:12] you’d be surprised with what knetz have to say…

[10:13] them and the media are going crazy over you unfollowing her

Taehyung scoffed while unplugging his phone and rolling to the other side of bed now that his phone was at 100%.

[To: Namjoon 🐨]

[10:14] yea well idc.

[From: Namjoon 🐨]

[10:15] well at least ur out the relationship, that’s all that matters right 😬

[10:16] looks like ur back on the market … we all know how crazy that can get

Taehyung could feel himself become stiff at the last text. What was that supposed to mean? Maybe he was overthinking it too much…

He was a different person now, he reassured himself. Before he could dwell on it any further he decided that it was best to just go to sleep.

Monday Afternoon.

The next day Taehyung continued with his routine of making a somewhat decent breakfast, and running his daily number of miles, crossing his fingers that he wouldn’t be ambushed like the morning prior. Luckily he wasn’t.

The sensation of steamy water hitting his body was calming to him, the shower was very much needed. Trying not to get so lost in his thoughts, he began to sing the random songs that first came to mind. He’d been told by Namjoon on multiple occasions that his singing was good, but Taehyung at this current moment was just glad he lived alone. Namjoon, or anyone for that matter, would probably make fun of him for the song he was um … rapping.

“Ain't got enough money to pay me respect. Ain't no budget when I'm on the set. If I like it, then that's what I get!” his sudden motions almost made him slip, but luckily he had caught himself just in time, “yeah,” he finished off the lyric despite his near death experience.

It was once he got out the shower that he was in for a surprise.

“7 Rings… really?” Taehyung’s towel almost fell from his waist because of his jump in surprise. Thankfully he had held onto it before it could completely fall. “I didn’t take you to be such an Ariana Grande fan,” Taehyung rolled his eyes to the teasing Namjoon.

“It’s the song of the summer for your information,” he interjected, “And how the hell did you even get up here?”

“Hmm I don’t know maybe because you practically forced me to get my fingerprint and memorize your code so that I would,” Namjoon mimicked quote signs with his fingers, “stop bugging you when I could open the door myself,” causing Taehyung’s stern face to quickly become one of dumbfoundeness.

“Oh…”

“I’ll be in the kitchen making myself some food,” he playfully sighed before making his way out of Taehyung’s room.

Taehyung quickly lotioned his body, put on his overnight hair products, and threw on a baggy sweater along with some black sweatpants, assuming that Namjoon hopefully wasn’t going to try and drag him to go outside. He had a long week ahead of him which included photoshoots, interviews, meetings, and overall promotion for this brand new deal considering he currently served as the “face” to his family’s business.

“Wow making japchae, who put you in a good mood?” Taehyung laughed as he peeped over Namjoon’s shoulder, catching a whiff of the food he was making causing Namjoon to flash his dimpled smile at him.

“Well I have a date in a couple of weeks and so I’ve been practicing every chance I get,” he admitted catching Taehyung by surprise, “and before you ask, yes it’s the girl from the event on Friday.”

Taehyung tried to subdue his shock, “If I’m being honest I thought she was kind of a…” he contemplated his next choice of words, “um…”

“A one night stand,” Namjoon completed the sentence, a look of understanding on his face. “Well if I’m being honest I thought the same thing,” he cheeks reddened, “but she actually ended up being really sweet, and well I really li—”

“Okay I think I’m done hearing your little sap story that you haven’t even started,” he pretends to yawn, causing Namjoon to flash his middle finger at him which only makes him laugh, “Sorry I’m not a hopeless romantic like you.”

Namjoon scoffed as he stirred the noodles around, “So what? Deep down you know you’re one as well.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, I’ve heard it all before. Why are you here again?” Namjoon flashed his middle finger again now causing Taehyung to laugh even harder than the first time.

“You sure know how to be rude sometimes,” Namjoon was now serving the japchae onto some plates, “and I’m here because one, I was bored, and two, because I was wondering if you were going to Thursday’s brunch,” the look on Taehyung’s face gave Namjoon the answer he was looking for.

“I completely forgot about that…”

“Why am I not surprised,” Namjoon sighed while giving Taehyung his plate of food.

“It’s always the same old place, same old routine, and most importantly the same old people,” he made sure to emphasize that last part, “you’re telling me you don’t get bored?”

“I do, but look what happened last time, I met someone new!” Namjoon bragged, only resulting in Taehyung rolling his eyes once again. “You’re like the grinch, but for love I swear,” Namjoon groaned, mentally taking note that the pleasant look on Taehyung’s face meant he had done a good job at making japchae. As long as he followed the exact amount of ingredients and steps as he did today then his date would go along just fine.

Taehyung slurped the final remaining bits of food on his plate before responding to Namjoon, “I’m fresh out of a relationship Joon, let me enjoy being single for the time being.”

“In the media’s eyes you’re fresh out of a relationship, but you and I both know that you’ve been single for a very long time,” Taehyung stayed silent at Namjoon’s words, a sudden pang of guilt now hitting him as he recalled what he had told Sunhi in the lobby that past Saturday. Did Taehyung see Namjoon’s point? Yes, of course he did. Did it feel good hearing it? No, it didn’t.

“Well um guess what, she cheated on me. I remained faithful, which honestly,” he scoffed in between his words, “was the least I could do. So stop trying to paint me as some big villain,” he sneered.

“All I’m saying is that the Taehyung I know would have never even gotten into that relationship to begin with,” Namjoon silently muttered to himself, a dismissive look on his face, causing Taehyung to let out a sardonic laugh. As if Namjoon was a better person than he was?

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” he snapped, “You know I’m getting real tired of your little sly comments, as if i’m not going to catch on at some point, if you have something to say then grow some balls and say it,” Taehyung's voice echoed across the kitchen walls. Taehyung’s heart was practically pounding out of his chest, his jaw now completely clenched, glaring at Namjoon. The light atmosphere in the room had become stiff in the blink of an eye.

One would think that Namjoon would be shocked, maybe even angry at Taehyung’s outburst, but all he did was stare back, seeming completely unfazed, a pot that had been bubbling for quite some time between the two finally bubbling over. Withheld opinions, finally lashed out, “I’ll just never understand why you couldn’t break up with her from the moment your dad didn’t need you to date her anymore, or why you even got with her in the first place. All you did was waste her time and let her convince herself that she was in love with you knowing damn well you’ve never felt anything from day one. I mean even now she thinks there’s something worth saving,” he cursed, his voice now elevated up several notches, “And it’s the fact that you see nothing wrong with it that makes me sick!”

Taehyung’s face immediately fell, hurt by his friend’s words, but it didn’t stop Namjoon from continuing on, “I mean the Taehyung I knew would’ve never in a million years agreed to do something like this for anyone,” disappointment evident in his voice, “let alone for your dad,” he spat. “It just,” he pauses, “It just isn’t like you Taehyung. None of this is.”

Taehyung could feel his tough demeanor crumble, “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, so stop acting like you do,” he scowled.

“It’s just funny to me, years ago you’d talk about becoming nothing like your dad, but nowadays it looks like I’m looking at his clone,” Namjoon muttered, “You’ve changed Taehyung. You may joke around with me here and there, but I can tell you’re always holding back. You leave for a whole year to God knows where, and come back a completely different person, acting like your dad’s very own fucking puppet. You’ve closed yourself off. Like, like you’re mad at the world or something, or I don’t know—”

“And what, you want the old reckless Taehyung back?! The one who destroyed everything in his fucking path! Is that what the fuck you want?” his voice boomed, but even Namjoon could see it was merely a facade, the mixture of both guilt and sadness seeping through the cracks of his voice.

“Of course not! But the Taehyung standing in front of me is no better than the one before. You may not be as reckless as you used to be, but you’re definitely just as careless,” Namjoon condemned him, “And so then I think about everything and all I could ask myself is why? Why don’t you find something or someone, you genuinely love, something that makes you happy, not your dad, not the media, YOU.”

“Because I just don’t want to Joon…” Taehyung looked away, ashamed to make eye contact, his voice had now become a mere whisper.

“And all I can think about is if it has something to do with —” Namjoon could see Taehyung physically tense up, “Taehyung what the hell happened that night?” he pleaded desperately.

“Just don’t Joon,” and with that Namjoon knew that even he was pushing the boundaries, deciding that it was best to just keep quiet, “I came back didn’t I? ” he harshly spat.

There was a pregnant pause, “I’m sorry,” Namjoon apologized, but was only met with silence. Taehyung got up from the kitchen chair, and placed his dish into the sink, harshly passing by Namjoon.

“Make sure you lock the door on your way out,” he muttered, before making his way upstairs into his room, leaving Namjoon standing in the kitchen by himself.

Monday Night.

And so that night, Taehyung stared up at his ceiling thinking about what Namjoon had told him. He was hurt by his friend’s words, but he couldn’t deny that he didn’t understand where he was coming from …

But it wasn’t like Taehyung was a cold hearted person, or at least he’d like to think he wasn’t. Behind it all, he was still the same kind and polite person he’d always been. He was just more mature nowadays, finally growing up like he should’ve years ago. It was simply for the best.

So then why did he feel so wrong?

He felt conflicted, he felt guilt, but honestly he had been feeling guilty long before he got into a relationship with Sunhi. Maybe it was that same guilt he’s felt eating him alive for the past several years that’s made him close himself off to others. It was the same guilt that led to disappearing one night and not coming back until about a year later.

Feeling overwhelmed, he decided to get up from bed, and stepped onto his balcony just wanting to just look at the stars before going to bed. Tonight they had seemed to be shining extra bright, he attempted at counting each one, losing count mid way.

He couldn’t help but reminisce about his childhood, when he and his mom would go camping at Noeul Campground at least once a year, and oh how the stars would shine like never before. The two of them making a game of who could come up with the best figurines using the stars. It was nights like these that he truly did miss her, but he knew she was watching over him. Forever and always.

“I know I haven’t talked to you in a while, I hope you’re not mad. I know it’s no excuse, but time nowadays just goes by so fast and well I’m coming to a point in life where I feel like I have nothing figured out. Like as if I’m not truly satisfied, and not truly well … happy. I just feel lost, Ma. I thought coming back here, I could put the facade that I was fine but,” he lets out a deep breath,”I’m just not. God I wish you were here, you’d know exactly what to say right now,” he could feel the warm droplets of water falling from his face, not bothering to wipe them off. “I’m so sorry Ma,” were his final words before stepping back inside, a peaceful slumber waiting for him in bed.

Thursday Morning.

“Ah now this is what I’ve been looking forward to,” Namjoon grinned as politely grabbed the mimosa from the bartender’s hand. Taehyung made a motion with his hand once Namjoon offered him his cup, instead leaning against the bar watching as guests made their way in and out of the venue.

Taehyung and Namjoon had made up in the days prior, Taehyung sending a “btw the japchae was too sweet 🤭” text message, as a way of telling Namjoon that all was forgiven. Taehyung in return, reflected on Namjoon’s words, deciding that he was right, something needed to change.

“This place, it’s …” Namjoon expected a complaint out of Taehyung’s mouth, “really pretty,” he finished off, genuinely surprising Namjoon.

The venue resembled some kind of greenhouse, the arrangement of dangling flowers and potted plants, along with the rays of natural sunlight peeking through the glass exterior, and the minimalist design in seat arrangement truly was a work of art. The air itself felt crisp and fresh, he assumed it was because of the mixture of the plants’ scent along with the air ventilators.

“Wow, look who's in a good mood,” Namjoon teased him, Taehyung flashing him a small smile. Despite it only being 9 o'clock in the morning, he was glad he came. It was a brand new day, and he felt optimistic that things were going to start looking up for him.

“Ah well, let’s just enjoy it while it lasts,” he responded clearly joking around, “Let’s just say I thought about everything you said, and well I just want to start fresh. No more getting pressured into things, and being so tense about everything all the time, just me going with the flow,” Namjoon quirked his eyebrow, genuinely interested in what Taehyung had to say, “Whatever happens…” he pauses, “happens,” he finishes off, a grin now on his face.

As the brunch event went on, Taehyung continued to observe people, examining what they wore, the way they spoke, how they acted, as it usually told him a lot about a person.

“I’ll take a bloody mary, light on the vodka please,” Taehyung’s ears perked up at what he heard, a bloody mary? This early in the morning? He remembered the bartender’s words from a couple of days ago.

He tried to glance at the figure who was only a couple of feet away from him, sitting in one of the many empty seats aligned at the bar. He tried using his peripheral vision to try and make out a face, but sadly whoever this was, the angle that they were sitting along with their honey colored straw hat helped cover most of their face. The only thing he could see was that whoever it was, was a female and clearly a reckless one as a bloody mary was most likely going to result in an embarrassing stain.

He wondered if she was new around here, the way she was sitting clearly told him that she probably was. You see there were almost unspoken rules in the upper class, methods on doing things, and a high regard for appearance and well her posture wasn’t exactly… the best, and the blatant disregard for the all white dress code made him curious as to who she was. Like there was some kind of pull that made him feel the need to go up to her. She seemed … different.

“And you wanted to come at me for gawking last time! You can’t even see her face from here,” Namjoon’s undeniably loud voice interrupted his train of thought.

“Um any fucking louder and I’m sure the whole place will hear you,” Taehyung face was flushed, hoping the woman didn’t hear. Namjoon raised his hands in defense.

“Hm …” Namjoon stayed silent for a couple of seconds, before a mischievous look appeared on his face, “Hey well since you’re so keen about going with flow,” he mimicked Taehyung’s word’s from earlier, “how about you go get her number and see where things go from there,” he winked.

Taehyung quickly shook his head, garnering a laugh out of Namjoon. “Since when has Kim Taehyung been too scared to ask for someone’s number,” he teased, “Come on you know you want to, I’ll even go find something else to do just in case she rejects you, I won’t be there to see it.”

He contemplated going up to her, what if she was just another Upper Seoul brat? Worse, what if Namjoon was right and she just completely shrugged him off? No, no one shrugged Kim Taehyung off. Namjoon's grin became wider once he saw Taehyung’s eyebrows furrow, and a determined look appearing on his face.

And so with that he decided he’d go up to her, maybe try and make some small talk. It wouldn't hurt , right? At least he wouldn’t be as bored as he was now. Slowly he made his way over to the seat next to her, trying not to look so much like a creep.

“I’ll take a mimosa please,” he ordered, the bartender nodded, “So you’re not scared of spilling your drink?” Taehyung quickly noticed how tense the woman became from his question, her posture going from relaxed to completely stiff. It wasn’t until she turned to face him that Taehyung felt taken back, his heart now pounding out of his chest, and the feeling of nervousness hitting him like a wave. As cliche as he thought it sounded, she was completely mesmerizing.

“Oh uh well,” she stuttered her words out bringing him a sense of comfort that he wasn’t the only nervous one,“um,” she was looking anywhere but his eyes, “No not really, I tend to be careful with things like this,” she explained now fidgeting with her fingers.

Maybe it had been bad luck, but a couple of seconds later Taehyung suddenly now had red tomato juice mixed with vodka plastered all over his shirt. “Oh my God! I am so sorry!” she exclaimed.

Several guests were now staring at the scene in front of them, the unknown girl now had a look of horror on her face, but instead of being upset all Taehyung could do was genuinely laugh. “I really didn’t mean to do that, oh my—”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he reassured her, slowly pushing her hand away which was uselessly blotting his white buttoned up shirt with a napkin.

“No it’s not, I really didn’t mean to do that, I just—” her face was as red as the spilled drink itself, her words coming out completely jumbled almost as if she was talking more to herself than him.

“And I’m telling you it’s okay,” he insisted, “I think you’ve done the most interesting thing around here in a very long time,” he then stuck his hand out, “I’m Taehyung,” he introduces himself, giving her a small smile along the way.

It felt like she was staring at him for an eternity with nothing but a doe-eyed look on her face, and he wondered what was going through her head. Was he really that intimidating? With several thoughts running through his head, the feeling of regret now creeped onto the back of his mind, maybe he shouldn’t have ever come up to her. What was he thinking? This was practically all his fault.

His panic came into a halt once he felt the touch of her hand now moving along with his, “I’m Y/N.”

🧚🏻 a/n: here we goooo! finally kicking things off hehe, things should defiantly move faster from this point on, I just felt like it was important for me to establish both y/n and Taehyung’s personality, background, and all that good stuff before diving into the basis of the whole story. feel free to send me any theories, comments, asks, etc ! I shall update very soon.

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lovelyhaehae · 3 years

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when we grow up (1) [svt xu minghao x reader]

genre: angst/fluff

word count: 1.3k

summary: what’s so good about growing up if the only things you are left with are the memories?

// loosely inspired by the song ‘when i grow up’ by svt’s vocal team

When I feel like nothing, that’s when I think of you.

Life used to be easier—or so it seemed in your memories. You remember colours to be brighter, smells to be sweeter, emotions to be stronger. Maybe it was just you romanticising your younger years, but doesn’t everyone do that? Apparently, growing up, your mind let go of all those moments filled with teenage angst and only kept the good memories, the ones you can’t help but recall late at night when you can’t sleep, when you feel the loneliest, when the emptiness is too much to handle. And you keep recalling them because he was in every single one of them and the mere thought of him made your heart feel warm.

You keep telling yourself every time that it’s no use recalling memories from your youth. In fact, focusing in the past won’t bring it back—at least, it won’t bring him back to you. Now, you’re halfway across the world. Moreover, you haven’t seen each other in years. Years (yes, years!) have passed since you last heard his voice.

You firmly believe that so much time has passed that he doesn’t even think of you anymore, you probably being just another person that was left behind alongside with his teenage years. But you like to think of him every now and then. And you can’t help but to wonder about his current life (how is he doing? Have his dreams come true? Is there someone he loves now?). You stay awake for hours, until four or so in the morning, asking questions to yourself of which you’ll never get to know the answers.

Immediately afterwards —or, maybe, in the meantime—, his face makes its grand entry and fills your mind up like it has every right to. In the dark, all you can see are those thin almond eyes and how they morphed into slits when he smiled brightly; you make out his slender fingers that used to intertwine with yours. So you’re finally trapped, you can’t escape: in every corner of your mind, it’s him, him, him.

And the memories of happier times just tag along.

♡

“Hao?” You called one day, giving his hand a little squeeze to have his attention.

It was late autumn, only a couple of weeks before winter struck, and you both were hiding under the castle in the playground of your neighbourhood’s park. You had snuck out of school, thanks to that so-called young love, and spent your pocket money in some strawberry milk. You used to do that pretty often—school was boring, anyway.

You had been sitting in silence for a while, him being a relatively quiet boy. But you were getting bored after finishing your drink (you were like that when you were younger. You got a lot quieter after you grew up) and fallen leaves triggered a rather daydreaming side of yours, one that liked to ask Minghao random questions about the future.

“Hmm?”

“What do you think we’ll be doing in ten years?” Your voice was hoarse. Usually, around that time of the year, you’d get a (or several) sore throat. For this reason, as you were out in the open, you were wrapped not only in your own clothes but in Minghao’s jacket and scarf as well.

“Ten years from now?” He shifted to see you and you mimicked his movement. Your hands never let go. “A lot of things may change. That’s a lot of time.”

You suddenly felt queasy. You fidgeted with the hem of his jacket.

“Do you think we will still be together when we grow up?” You asked in a whisper. For the first time, you regretted bringing up the topic.

“Of course,” he replied in a heartbeat as if there couldn’t be any other possible answer for your question. His free hand reached the scarf around your neck and straightened it. You unconsciously nuzzled against the fabric, his mouth curled up in a soft smile at the sight. “Why wouldn’t we?”

And he sounded so confident that you chose to believe him. After all, he had always been the brighter one.

♡

“I can’t wait to grow up!” You blurted out one day.

Having that kind of outbursts was not unusual in your youth. You’d randomly go off like that around once or twice a day. The number, of course, increased or decreased depending on how much stress you were under.

That day you happened to be under a lot of stress.

The weather, hot and humid, implied that the school year was about to come to an end. But do you know what was also coming? Finals. And a lot of them, at that. So, while your classmates were enjoying a free hour, playing and chatting like any normal teenager would do, you were studying, as you had been doing for the past three weeks. You were buried under an immense pile of textbooks that could have turned anyone batshit crazy (and you were so going down that road already, unfortunately).

Minghao was sitting in front of you, his chair turned around so as he could face you. He was reading, his hands holding a thin paperback book with an aesthetic pastel blue cover with some doodles in white. You didn’t know what the story revolved around, yet you were sure that it was way more interesting and enjoyable than maths (and you were right—after all, anything is).

His eyes lifted from the book and blankly stared at you.

“I can’t wait to not have to study anymore! I’m tired,” you exclaimed, rather dramatically. Afterwards, you pressed your face to the book on your desk and grumbled.

Of course, in your imaginary, once you reached adulthood, you would be free from any and all responsibilities. You believed that you’d be a free soul, with any care in the world. So much for wishful thinking. You were still fully convinced that Minghao decided against breaking your illusions early and therefore remained silent.

You lifted your head a little to see his face, though your chin was still resting on the surface of the book. You locked eyes for a brief moment and he then resumed his reading.

“When we grow up we’ll travel everywhere, right? You’ll show me the world?” You asked. He nodded in silence. You squealed in delight. “You promise?”

“Yes.”

You stretched and linked your pinkie to his. “You can’t back out now, okay?”

♡

And just as you wished, you both ended up growing up. However, as it happens with most things in life, there was a catch—you grew apart, too. No, it wasn’t an overnight thing—neither did you fight, nor woke up one day and decided you were sick of each other’s company (you could have never—you enjoyed being around him the most in the world). Your drifting apart happened gradually, favoured by a series of unfortunate events.

Soon after he pinkie promised to show you the world, he left your hometown and never came back. To say that you were devastated was an understatement. Having known each other since you were little kids, you developed a strong bond of sorts that, when he left, you felt like someone had ripped a part of your heart. Maybe it was indeed something like that because you were convinced that he took a part of you with him.

Your conversations over the phone didn’t do it—they didn’t fill up the void. And while you looked forward to them because hearing his voice was somewhat healing (you’d close your eyes and pretend he was next to you), the moment you hung up you were in tears again.

After a couple of months, those phone calls got more and more sporadic, until they stopped altogether. He had a hectic schedule; you had to worry about school grades and university applications. And that was it.

So, while when you were younger everything you knew about him came from his own mouth, now the only things you know are rumours you are told about a friend of a friend of a friend that allegedly encountered him by chance in a foreign street, kilometres away from home.

In the end, what was growing up so good for?

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btxtreads · 4 years

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Run Away | 2

It is so much easier to get people to hate something than to believe. Part of the Grimoire Series

➴ Pairing: Choi Soobin x Reader ➴ Rating: R-16 ➴ Word Count: 2k ➴ Genre: Twisted Fairytales, Yandere ➴ Trigger Warning: DecEpTioN, y/n and soobin are annoyingly sweet, kai is so babie, y/n gets kidnapped again what’s new lmaoooooo

Three Months Later

After that whole conflict, Kai found himself bound in rope with a blindfold covering his eyes.

It was at that moment, when he heard the cheers of Pan’s lost boys, that he made peace with his fate.

This was it.

He was Hook’s son in Pan’s turf—he was going to die.

He’s accepted it as he heard a soft thump next to him—It was probably Taehyun, his father’s right-hand man and his best friend, about to meet his doom as well.

He tried to hold his emotions back and stand his ground as his blindfold was removed softly, being met with Taehyun’s soft smile.

Kai furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as Taehyun stood unbound—decked in fine clothes he’s never seen him wear before.

Behind Taehyun, Pan approached with a smile.

“Tae—behind you!” Kai warned.

The boy only turned his head to the older, smiling widely.

“Hi hyung!” Taehyun greeted as Pan reached out to ruffle his hair.

“Hey, little prince,” Pan greeted before crouching down in front of Kai with a smile. “Hello, Kai,”

Kai glared at the boy, inching as far back from him as he could.

“Stay away from me,” Kai spat angrily.

The tall boy only frowned, his eyes softening.

“I-I don’t know what your dad told you about me, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s bad.” Pan sighed and shot him a sad smile. “My real name is Soobin. You are Kai, aren’t you?”

“Your name is Pan.”

“No, that’s what people call me, but my name is actually Soobin.” Soobin shrugged, tilting his head as he regarded the young boy with sad eyes. “Look—I don’t know why you hate me, but I promise I’m a good guy,”

“No, you’re a murderer. You’re a tyrant, a monster, a—“

“Soobin, baby?”

Soobin turned, his eyes softening as he smiled over at the girl approaching him with a frown.

The girl had on a flowy white dress, and she was carrying a plate of food.

“Hi, sweetie.” Soobin greeted.

The girl—Kai recognized her as Y/N, who they’ve captured a few months back—shot Soobin a small smile as she leaned down and planted a quick kiss to his lips.

“I just came from where the other people are, there’s a lot of pirates, huh? How are you, Kai?” She smiled over at Kai. “It is Kai, right? I think we’ve met before, and Taehyunie told me all about you.”

“Taehyunie?” Kai asked angrily, looking over at Taehyun.

“I’ll explain everything—“ The boy smiled guiltily as he stood next to Y/N.

“You don’t need to, you traitor.” Kai spat.

Taehyun frowned, shoulders slumping at Kai’s tone.

Y/N chuckled lightly, setting the plate of food down in front of Kai as she rubbed Taehyun’s back in comfort.

“Babe, can you loosen his ropes and give us a minute? You too, Tae?”

“But Y/N—“

“Bin, please?” Y/N pleaded, pouting and looking up at him.

Soobin sighed, placing a quick kiss on her lips and waving his hands.

There was a slight shimmer as the ropes binding Kai’s hands and feet disappeared.

Soobin frowned, squeezing Y/N’s hands as he left with Taehyun.

“Eat,” Y/N smiled, sitting down across from Kai. “I know you’re hungry.”

Kai glared at the girl.

“How do you know I won’t run from you?”

“Well, someone told me once that everything good starts from faith, trust and pixie dust,” Y/N smiled, pushing the plate a little closer to the boy. “Eat, it’ll do you good.”

Kai shot him an apprehensive look before slowly taking the fork into his hands and taking a bite—his eyes widening at the burst of flavor.

“Wow, this tastes really good—and the cutlery? I thought you guys lived like a camping site here?” Kai marvelled.

“Yeah? I cooked—that’s Soobin’s favorite dish, actually.” Y/N laughed, leaning her head on her knees as she hugged it close to her body. “And yeah, the lost boys do, but we have some stuff like that at our house. I asked Soobin for it—so he got me some. All our stuff is at the cottage—that’s where me and Soobin live. The boys liked hammocks more, weirdly enough,”

“Oh,” Kai said, pursing his lips.

Y/N chuckled as Kai continued to eat.

“You can live with us, you know? Taehyun lives with us there, too,” Y/N shrugged.

“Taehyun—has he always been with you?” Kai asked hesitantly making the girl shrug.

“I guess so, but I didn’t really know at first.” Y/N said, looking past the trees as a trail of smoke started to show—signalling that the lost boys began their campfire. “Soobin loves Taehyun a lot—treats him like a little brother, you know? That’s why I call him little prince—Soobin seems to have picked that habit up, I think.”

“Oh,” Kai said, setting down his fork. “But he won’t treat me like that—as far as I’m concerned, I’m the enemy’s son.”

“Kai, Soobin likes you, you know?” Y/N smiled. “He thinks you’re a good kid—and I do too. When I got captured, you didn’t hurt me. You remind me of my older brother, actually.”

“What, Pan kill him too?”

“Well, yeah,” Y/N said, sighing sadly as she looked up at the stars. “but with good reason. He was going to kill me—he was crazy.”

“How?” Kai asked, angling his body to face the girl.

“You guys captured us, remember? Apparently when my brother was separated from me that time, he was isolated with your dad in a cabin. He was told stuff or hypnotized, maybe manipulated? I don’t know.” Y/N shrugged. “When we got back here, he was crazy. He wanted me to go back home with him, but I said no. Bin told him that he could go home by himself if he wanted to, and that he’ll take him home but… Junseo tried to kill me instead.”

Kai’s eyes widened in surprise.

“D-Dad did that?”

“I don’t know. I mean, Junseo never liked Soobin, but he knows Soobin wasn’t evil. He didn’t think that at all, not until he talked to your father.” Y/N frowned as she looked over at Kai. “I know your dad told you Soobin is evil, that he kills and manipulates—just to take over the magic in Neverland, but that’s not true. I know him, he’s not like that.”

“How is he then?”

“He’s kind, considerate, and funny. He gets really shy sometimes, and he’s really just a soft-hearted man. He likes kids. Why do you think we have the lost boys?” Y/N asked, smiling slightly as she rose an eyebrow.

Hueningkai only pursed his lips in thought, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I-I don’t know why you’re telling me all of this when you’re going to kill me either way.”

Y/N burst into laughter as Hueningkai blinked in confusion.

Soobin peeked into the area, smiling fondly at Y/N and Kai.

“W-Why are you laughing?” Kai asked.

“Kai, if we wanted you dead, you’d have been floating on the sea by now.” Y/N giggled. “Let me remind you, you came here unconscious.”

Soobin smiled teasingly as he walked closer. “What’s this all about?”

“Nothing, baby,” Y/N smiled as Soobin placed a gentle peck on her cheek. “He thinks we’re going to kill him,”

Soobin laughed softly, shaking his head.

“But, you hate me! I’m Hook’s son!” Kai argued lamely.

“Well, yeah. I do hate your dad—he tried to take Y/N away from me,” Soobin agreed with a small smile. “But Hueningkai, you are not your father. We don’t want to hurt you—we promise,”

“Why am I here?” Kai asked, following suit as the couple next to him stood up.

“Simple—we wanted you here,” Soobin shrugged. “We didn’t kidnap you, Kai—we rescued you,”

“Look, Kai,” Y/N said softly, her hands resting on the younger boy’s shoulders. “We’re not asking you to stay. If you want to go, then go, but I’m asking you to at least give us a shot.”

Kai furrowed his eyebrows at the girl who only gave him a pleading smile, and the tall boy behind her staring lovingly at her small figure.

This isn’t what evil looked like—this isn’t what his father told him Pan was.

Pan was a tall, intimidating figure—ready to kill and murder just for the fun of it.

But this? This Pan—Soobin?

He was just a love-sick teenager.

“One shot.” Kai nodded, eyes firmly gazing on Soobin as he gave him a soft, thankful smile.

“That’s all we’re asking for,”

Kai sat down next to Taehyun by the campfire, holding a cup of some sickeningly sweet beverage.

“Hi,” Kai greeted lamely.

“Hello,” Taehyun smiled fondly at the boy.

Both of them looked over at Y/N and Soobin, who sat across from them.

The two were in their own world as Y/N sat on his lap, hands circling his neck as he talked animatedly about some of adventures when he went back to the land without magic without her.

Occasionally, the girl’s eyes would widen, or she would gasp, or—most often—she would giggle and lean down to press a soft peck to his lips.

After a while, Y/N buried her head in his neck as he pulled out a pan flute.

She’d giggle and press kisses to his neck as he played with a smile, the lost boys following suit by banging rhythmically on drums while others danced.

“Do you hear it?” Taehyun asked.

“Hm?”

“The music Soobin-hyung is playing,” Taehyun said, gesturing over to the boy—who continued to play as he gazed fondly at the girl in his arms.

Kai didn’t answer, making Taehyun crack a small smile.

“Pan isn’t evil—he just helps whoever feels sad and lost. Like they didn’t belong.” Taehyun shrugged. “I know you hear it, Kai.”

The boy didn’t answer, only looking at Y/N—whose body shook with giggles as she buried her face further into Soobin’s neck.

“Did you and Y/N hear it?”

“I used to. Y/N-ie told me she did too,” Taehyun hummed. “It stopped for a while, but now we do again.”

“You do? why?”

“It’s not because we still feel lost. We’ve enchanted ourselves to do so after a while of not hearing it,” Taehyun shrugged as he grinned over at Kai. “Neverland is my home—Soobin is my brother, just like Y/N is my sister. She belongs here, in Neverland with him. We’re not lost anymore.”

Kai lowered his head, the soft notes of the pan flute ringing in his ears.

“Kai, the music can only be heard by those who feel like they aren’t loved,” Taehyun said, fiddling with his fingers. “I guess I could be partly to blame for that for being dishonest—but I never meant to hurt you.”

Kai frowned as he watched Y/N stand up, pressing a tiny kiss on Soobin’s head and wandering towards a small lost boy at the corner of the camp.

“You were a double agent, this whole time. Why?”

“Honestly, it was to watch you.” Taehyun shrugged, looking over at the girl who made her way to Soobin with the child now in her hands.

Soobin put down his flute, smiling softly as he held his arms out to take the child.

“Soobin knew about you, how you felt, and he wanted to save you,” Taehyun shrugged. “You never felt like you had a family, and we thought we’d be able to be one to you,”

Kai’s eyes softened as the couple in front of him cooed over the now-laughing child, looking like a little family in their own small world.

It was something he always wanted—the feeling of family.

Every single lost boy around them danced and cheered happily with each other as they ate and talked amongst themselves—no one looked out of place, or tortured or sad.

They looked like they belonged.

Kai wanted that.

“Dad always told me Pan was a raging, murdering lunatic.”

“There was one time, sure,” Taehyun shrugged. “A few months ago—your dad was going to kill Y/N in front of him. The first time he ever spilled blood—the other one was Y/N’s brother.”

“But dad, he said Pan’s been killing a lot of people—lost boys, mermaids, pirates, fairies—even before Y/N—“

“Do you believe him?” Taehyun asked, pointing back over to Soobin and Y/N. “Look at them.”

“But—“

“Kai, if you ever knew me, you’d know I would never lie,” Taehyun stopped, shrugging with a smile. “Except for the double agent thing—but now I wouldn’t!”

“But I know my dad, he’s not ruthless,” Kai mumbled, brain gearing into overdrive.

Taehyun only shrugged.

“You heard what happened to Y/N’s older brother, right?”

Kai pursed his lips, turning to Taehyun to answer.

Before anything can happen, there was another commotion.

“Captain Hook! Captain Hook is back!”

Kai turned his head, looking over to Soobin and Y/N.

Soobin stood up, hand clutching Y/N’s waist tightly.

Y/N’s eyes turned worried as her hand clutched Soobin’s shirt.

The girl turned over to look at Kai with an unreadable gaze—and then it was black.

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jacnaylor · 4 years

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romance book recs!!

romance is my feel good genre, and it’s also usually somewhat easier to read during stressful times, so here’s a list of some books that are either romance or have a romance element i feel like mentioning.

(EDIT: I STAYED UP TILL 2 AM DOING THIS HELP. this is why some of the comments. don’t make any fucking sense.)

romance books and authors:

CONTEMPORARY:

1. The Bromance bookclub series by Lyssa Kay Adams (A group of men form a bookclub dedicated to romance books in order to understand women, improve their relationships and become better men. It’s funny, cute, and all about dismantling toxic masculinity one romance book at a time)

2. Mariana Zapata books (The queen of slowburn romance. The only book I’ve read by her is ‘Under Locke’, but ‘From Lukov with love’ and ‘Kulti’ have rave reviews. There is so much build up and SO much sexual tension with a great pay off)

3. Milly Johnson books (A uk author whose books are primarily set in the north, these are total feel good books. Not so much graphic and more romantic, but her characters are great and her plot lines really hook you in.)

4. The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren (Super cute, quick enemies-to-lovers story about a bridesmaid who has to go on a honeymoon with the best man when the bride and groom get food poisoning. Obviously this means the holy of holies: fake relationship!)

5. Well met by Jen De Luca (Oh my gosh! Super fun, the characters are just wonderful especially our heroine. A hate-to-love romance set at a renaissance fair! All about overcoming the limits you set on yourself and rethinking your first impressions.)

6. Katherine Center books (My personal favourites are ‘How to walk away’ about a woman who falls for her PT after a near fatal plane crash. And ‘Happiness for beginners’ about a woman taking part in a wilderness trail with her brothers annoying best friend. She writes such great plots and you really feel all the emotions!)

7. Mhairi Mcfarlane books (my personal favourites are ‘Here’s looking at you’ about a woman who comes face to face with her high school bully years later - only he doesn’t recognize her. And he’s not awful? Don’t worry. I know how that synopsis sounds. He’s not excused his actions, but you also understand how he’s grown and changed. It definitely gets you in the feels though. As does ‘You had me at hello’ Which is about a couple from university meeting again years later. God this woman can write angst and yearning!!)

8. A part of me by Anouska Knight (On the same day she and her husband have been accepted into the adoption process, their marriage implodes. This has such a cute romance which follows hate-to friends- to love and it’s v funny)

9. Southern Eclectic series by Molly harper (Just as it sounds. Southern small town romance with a great, quirky cast of characters)

10. Maggie’s man by Lisa Gardner (writing as Alicia Scott) (An escaped convict kidnaps a woman from the courthouse to act as his hostage whilst he tries to prove his innocence. Surprisingly funny and warm. Maggie as a heroine is an absolute joy. They’re sort of chaotic together and it’s a wild ride.)

11. The Mister by E.L James (LISTEN OK - SIT BACK DOWN - It’s not winning awards but it’s actually decent! I was skeptical, but I will admit I was won over. I mean parts are cheesy but it’s so addictive. Basically a rich man falls for his cleaning lady - but it’s also about the yearning. It’s also quite action packed as there’s danger, drama and a chase across europe to get the girl.)

12. RECENT Colleen Hoover (Now, you may enjoy older CH books. Personally I find them very problematic. Now I’ve really enjoyed her recent books though. Especially ‘Without Merit’ and ‘It ends with us’ and ‘Regretting you’. High angst, high drama, dark topics for all of her books. But you can tell she’s matured with her writing. She isn’t for everyone but they’re addictive, fast paced reads.

13. The Austenland duology by Shannon Hale (You might have seen the Austenland movie - The cutest, cheesiest, sweetest, campiest movie ever. Well there’s a book! It’s about women who go on a holiday and live their own Jane Austen story with actors. The first book leans towards Pride and Prejudice and Mansfield park. The second book is more Northanger abbey and Emma.

14. Brigid Kemmerer contemporaries (She is an auto-buy author for me, especially her contemporaries. She writes the best teenage characters, the best teenage boys I’ve ever read about. Her characters are real, she writes about kids trying their best, struggling, and being good, and kind, and the world not being kind to them. Usually the books have a pov from both the female and male love interest. I would rec any of them tbh. ‘Letters to the lost’ comes before it’s companion novel ‘More than we can tell’. I loved ‘Call it what you want’ with has modern Robin Hood elements!!!! seriously she is my favourite YA contemporary author.

15. Sophie Kinsella books (If you haven’t picked up her stand alone novels then what are you doing???? she is the queen!!!! Personal favourites are ‘Can you keep a secret’ and ‘I’ve got your number)

16. A quiet kind of thunder by Sara Barnard (I love her ok. Her books are short and sweet but she packs a punch. TBH these aren’t primarily romance, they’re more just about teenage girls but this one has a good romance element so I’m putting it on here. It’s about Steffi, a selective mute who sometimes communicates with basic sign language who is assigned to look after the new boy at school Rhys, who is deaf.)

17. Meet me at the museum by Anne Youngson (GORGEOUS! moving, tender. A lonely housewifes strikes up a correspondence with a widowed museum curator in Denmark. Oh gosh. I just love this one. It’s about friendship, love, grief, second chances, the choices we make. Seriously love this one and it’s not that long.)

FANTASY:

1. Sorcery of thorns by Margaret Rogerson (Elisabeth has grown up in the great library, protecting grimoires with powers and fearing sorcerers. When a dangerous grimoire is released, she’s forced to team up with an enigmatic sorcerer and his demonic servant in order to save the world.)

2. Sky in the deep duology by Adrienne Young (A viking inspired story about a warrior who is captured by the tribe she is at war with. Such good tension and it’s also got a lot of action. Battle couple romance! Mutual respect! Hate to love!)

3. The Rose Garden by Susanna Kearsley (I’ve reread this book once but will end up reading it again. It’s a time travel romance about a woman staying in cornwall dealing with the death of her sister who is transported back and forth to the 17th century. It’s a favourite. The romance is wonderful but the stakes are really high too. I also love ‘Belleweather’ by the same author)

4. An ember in the ashes series by Sabaa Tahir (Oh god, the romance. THE ROMANCE! it’s so much. The angst, the pining, the longing. The first book follows Laia, part of a slave class in a roman inspired world. She begins spying in the top military academy and meets Elias, a reluctant soldier. This is a proper fantasy series with only the first three books out, but it’s so great.)

5. Alias Hook by Lisa Jensen (Let me just copy the blurb ok: “Meet Captain James Benjamin Hook, a witty, educated Restoration-era privateer cursed to play villain to a pack of malicious little boys in a pointless war that never ends. But everything changes when Stella Parrish, a forbidden grown woman, dreams her way to the Neverland in defiance of Pan's rules.” I MEAN COME ON. a gorgeous adult fairytale with love and redemption at the center.

6. The Mediator series by Meg Cabot (Obviously Meg Cabot is the most iconic and we stan. But this series is my absolute favourite by her. About Suze Simon, a kickass, no nonsense mediator - Someone who helps ghosts move on to the other side. Sometimes by force. She has to move house and ends up sharing her room with a 100 year old hot ghost named Jesse. The tension. The angst. THE BANTER!!!!)

7. House of Earth and Blood by Sara J Maas (a half fae half mortal girl tries to solve a murder with the help of a fallen angel. It’s a LONG book, but for me personally it flew by. It’s a big new fantasy world but the romance has a great build. Overcoming grief! Being normal together! Being in danger together! THE UST! the characters are so good. I ahven’t been this impressed by a new series for a while)

8. Cursebreakers series by Brigid Kemmerer (yep, she gets another mention. This one is a beauty and the best retelling about a man forced to relive the same season over and over, becoming a literal beat, until a girl from our world can break the curse. The second book, following secondary characters, is my fave so far. But both feature kickass ladies and those small romantic moments BK is so good at)

9. A court of thorns and roses series by Sara J Maas (a fae inspired beauty and the beast retelling. The only time you support a ship switch. Also the secondary ships are getting their own books and oh my god. I’m so excited.)

HISTORICAL/CLASSICS/MILLS AND BOON

1. Jane Austen (The original rom com queen, obviously. Pride and prejudice and Emma are faves. Also I have a major soft spot for the alwayc chaotic and underrated Northanger Abbey)

2. North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell (Actually might be my favourite classic ever. Often described at an industrial p&p. Margaret, from the south, comes face to face with the harsh reality of the world when she moves up north and comes face to face with a brooding millowner. There’s obviously a lot more nuance than that but. THE PINING!!!!!! THE MISCOMMUNICATION! THE DRAMA!)

3. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer (You might have seen the film. Please also read the book. Told entirely in letters. The sharp witted author Juliet Ashton falls in love with Guernsey and it’s characters whilst researching what happened there during the war. Funny, moving and romantic.)

4. The Veronica Speedwell series by Deanna Raybourn (A butterfly hunter foils her own kidnap and is paired together with a reclusive natural historian. They solve mysteries together. They can’t admit they wanna sleep together. The tension.......unbearable. See also the Julia Grey mysteries by the same author)

5. The warrior knight and the widow by Ella Matthews (So last year I discovered Mills and Boon and I have no shame about it whatsoever. This is a medieval beauty and the beast retelling about a woman being escorted to her fathers estate by an enigmatic and scarred knight. She’s hoping to convince her father to let her steward her own lands, and of course trying not to fall for her escort.)

6. The bareknuckle bastards series by Sarah Maclean (A badass, brooding trio of siblings who rule the underbelly of Covent Garden fall for smart, beautiful women. Opposites attract, Good girl/bad boy, strong women, banter. Super fun historical romance)

7. Redeeming the reclusive earl by Virginia Heath (I just read this and it was seriously cute!!!! And book where the hero blushes even once is a good book in my opinion. Basically aspiring antiquarian named Effie barrels into the life of a new earl - who really just wants to be left alone to be grumpy and sad and disfigured. ALONE. But Effie wants to dig on his land. And she won’t take no for an answer. She also talks A LOT.

8. A family for the widowed governess by Ann Lethbridge (Technically this is part of a series but you don’t need to read them in order and this is the best one. A widow who is being blackmailed accepts a governess post. She can’t tell her employer about the blackmail especially when she starts falling for him.)

9. The bedlam stacks by Natasha Pulley (I read watchmaker and didn’t like it but you might like it. This one also FEAUTRES A M/M ROMANCE. I know this list was super straight im sorry. Anyway this is about a botanist falling in love with a priest in the jungle.

10. The wilderness series by Sara Donati (Think outlander without the time travel and also not set in scotland. Basically Last of the Mohicans fanfiction about Hawkeye’s grown up son. An english woman moves to america when her father promises she can be a school teacher there. Little does she know he actually has plans to marry her off. Things get more complicated when she falls for Nathaniel Bonner, a white man raised native american and who’s daughter and extended family is Native American. Like outlander there’s romance, adventure, history. But unlike the outlander books the love interest is a decent guy (i say as if i don’t love the tv show)

STUFF THAT REALLY ISN’T ROMANCE AT ALL. BUT I SHIP A SHIP.

1. The Lacey Flint series by Sharon Bolton (Lacey Flint is a police officer who becomes involved in the hunt to catch a Jack the ripper copycat. There actually is a strong romantic element with the other lead police officer.)

2. The last hours duology by Minette Walters. A novel about the black death and a closed estate lead by a woman who’s trying to protect her people. There’s also a kind of murder mystery. But she also has a close relationship to one of the surfs that I got super invested in.

3. The Strike series by J.k Rowling (I know we don’t stan anymore but. This series about PI and his assistant slowly growing closer? Becoming best friends and partners? Not acknowledging any feelings for each other?

#books #book recs #literature #romance #romance books #romance reads #penvenens #romance recs #romance reader #historical romance #probably forgot loads

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sparklydreamies · 4 years

Text

Stray Kids 8 Part Series ~ (3) Seo Changbin: He Laughed

Group: Stray Kids

Member: Seo Changbin

Genre: Light angst +hurt/comfort

Word Count: 4,000+

Summary: Don’t give power to merciless people behind a screen.

Stray Kids 8 Part Series MASTERLIST

A/N: Hi guys!! Sorry it took me so long to post again, but I’m back, and hopefully I will be able to write more frequently! This story is centered around the changes in Changbin’s appearance and confidence from debut to now. I always feel bad writing members in pain, but this is the story I came up with lol,, I guess the moral of this story is that idols are people who have valid emotions and feelings, and we as fans don’t have the right to dismiss them and treat them like dolls. So on that note, thank you all for reading!!<33

All throughout his childhood, Seo Changbin had always been skinny. There was never much of a reason for his naturally slim stature other than genetics and a fast metabolism. It always seemed as though throughout his youth, he had never experienced the usual figure changes that a lot of his friends had gone through, whether it was the gain of muscle or fat.

No matter how much food he ate, it never seemed to show on his body. There wasn’t a single part of his body that had excess fat covering the very visible bones. He could never grab a hold of any extra flesh on his body like some of his friends could.

As a teenager, he was always told that it was because he was a “growing boy”, and that he needed a lot of calories in order to grow big and strong. It wasn’t until he was in his early twenties that his stature began to change. He slowly became more muscular, thanks to his countless hours in the gym. Not only that, but he began to notice the faint gain of fat whenever he ate a lot without burning the calories.

In a way, Changbin had always felt like he was blessed to be naturally slim. It was especially appreciated for someone in his line of work. Even after it became easier for him to gain fat, the company had never considered him “too heavy” for an idol. Muscle mass was a different story, however as time progressed, Changbin was able to build the perfect amount of muscle to satisfy the company as well as his fans.

In short, Changbin had always liked his body.

“Time’s up!” Doni called. “Put your markers down.”

Changbin didn’t put his marker down. Giggling like a small child, he avoided the attempts Jisung made at stealing the black marker from his hand, only stopping when the show host called him out on it.

“Changbin’s naughty, he keeps cheating!” Coni laughed.

This was what Changbin loved doing. Making a fool out of himself during variety shows, cheating during games with his members, and overall acting like a child whenever he could.

“We should stop the show right here, Changbin ruined it for everyone.” Doni joked, and Changbin felt Jisung collapse on his back in a fit of laughter, nearly knocking them both off their stools and onto the ground.

“Okay, let’s start with Felix! Show us your drawing,” Doni called, and Felix flipped the notebook he was holding in his hands around.

The point of this segment was for the members to draw a portrait of how they perceive another member.

The entire group as well as Doni, Coni, and a few of the staff members had burst out in laughter at the drawing Felix made of Jeongin.

“Felix, you forgot eyebrows!” Jeongin whined from his spot. Changbin didn’t even notice the missing eyebrows; he was more focused on the teeth that were twice the size that they should have been.

The segment continued on like that, and Changbin felt a swell of pride when the whole group laughed at his drawing of Minho, which looked so scrappy that a five year old could do better. Changbin was having fun.

It wasn’t until it was Jisung’s turn to share his drawing that his mood took a shift.

“And this is my drawing of my lovely Changbinnie-hyung” Jisung giggled from his spot behind his muse.

Changbin took in the piece of art before him. The hair was scraggly, the eyes were small, and the chin looked more like a “V” than a chin.

Changbin laughed at the representation of himself.

“Oh the chin! The chin!” Coni laughed as he made the shape of a “V” with his hands to mock the drawing. Changbin laughed.

“That is the most accurate drawing so far!” Doni commented as he forcefully took Changbin’s face and traced the edges of his chin with his fingers. “Wow, Han is an artist!” Doni cracked as he high-fived Jisung. Changbin laughed.

“He captured Changbin’s face so cleverly!” Coni praised, sitting back down on his stool. Changbin faked annoyance at the hosts and at his band mate. And then, he laughed once again.

His brothers were practically howling at the scene, their voices creating a cacophony of sound ringing in Changbin’s ears. He was happy. He was laughing. So why did it feel as though his stomach was falling through the floor?

For the first time that day, Changbin had to forcefully plaster a smile on his face. He felt the bubbling feeling of embarrassment in his chest for the rest of the filming.

A little while back, Han Jisung had been given a nickname by his fans. Less than a nickname, it was more of a cute comparison. His cheeks had always been unusually large and soft. Whenever he would eat, he would store food inside of them, making them more accentuated than they were before. It was because of this that fans had begun calling Jisung a squirrel.

Jisung liked the connection. Contrary to how he presents himself, he had often struggled with accepting and liking his cheeks. He didn’t like the way they made him look younger and more boyish. He wanted to be perceived in a more mature and manly way.

That was why when fans began to compliment and praise his chubby cheeks, it helped him become more confident in his face.

Changbin had seen the improvement of Jisung’s spirit. Praise for Jisung’s cheeks from fans had helped him improve his self image a lot, and for that, Changbin’s love for his fans had only grown.

He only wished that he could experience the same reactions to his insecurities.

Changbin wouldn’t consider himself jealous of Jisung’s full cheeks and round face. It was stupid to compare oneself to another person based off of superficial things like looks, however it didn’t stop Changbin from appreciating the younger boy’s unique features.

The show aired on it’s planned date with no faults. Changbin watched the program on television, and was fairly proud of the results of the editing process. He had hoped that STAYs would enjoy the hour-long show.

After a few hours, Changbin opened Twitter so that he could get a sense of how his fans appreciated the show. Skimming through fans’ tweets, he noticed a few that stood out to him.

Most of the comments were about Felix and Jisung’s aegyo, or Hyunjin’s random dance challenge. The deeper he scrolled, the more tweets he found about him.

Normally, having a lot of tweets aimed at him would be an honour to Changbin. It usually meant that he was charismatic and funny enough to gain fans’ attention. That was why he didn’t understand the embarrassing feeling that came along with the jokes about his face structure.

That’s all that they were. Jokes. People liked to joke about his chin, so why should he worry? Why did he feel shameful?

Changbin’s stomach continued to drop with every comment he read about his face. Every time he saw that drawing of him, it was like another pin stabbing his chest.

That night at dinner, everyone was talking about the show. The members were talking about the comments that they received, the fans reactions, and how they thought it was a really successful show.

At one point during the meal, Jisung had shoved Changbin in the shoulder and laughed about the drawing that he made and how funny the fans thought it was. Changbin laughed.

Changbin had always been able to hide his feelings well. Especially as an idol, hiding hardships is mandatory. Changbin was good at laughing. It was a sure fire way to make everybody think that you’re happy, when on the inside, it feels like you’ve swallowed a thousand bees.

So that night, he laughed. He subjected himself to be the clown, even though it hurt him. Nobody needed to know about how he let his tears fall onto his pillow while they all slept.

Changbin had thought about how he was working so hard to remain slim and skinny, and how if he were to gain just a little more weight, he could possibly make himself softer and cuter, like his brother Jisung.

He figured that it was worth a try. Sure he might have to fight the company tooth and nail to gain the weight that he wants, but it was worth it. It was worth it to change how he looked. It was worth it to satisfy his fans.

For the next few weeks, Changbin had let himself gain weight. He ate more and stopped trying so hard to burn it all off. He still worked out enough to remain healthy, and he was still trying to gain muscle, but whenever he stepped on the scale and saw that he was a pound or two heavier than he had previously been, he felt his heart swell.

It was an odd thing to want to gain weight. Most idols would kill to be as skinny as Changbin had been, yet here Changbin was, trying to gain weight for the purpose of chubbier cheeks and softer edges.

Eventually, it began to work. Changbin began to wake up in the morning to see that his face was rounder, fuller, and cuter than it had been before. The whole thing made him elated.

It had gotten to the point where he was satisfied with his outer appearance. His chin was much less prominent. A less prominent chin meant that there was less for people to make their jokes out of.

“Hannie, stop!” Chan shrieked just as Jisung smeared a fat glob of vanilla frosting on his cheek.

All of the members were crowded in their living room, celebrating Bang Chan’s birthday with their fans. The energy level in the room was ecstatic. Some members were getting cake violently rubbed into their skin while others were trying to read comments and make the VLive as normal as possible.

Changbin was in the middle of answering a question when he felt a tap on his shoulder from behind where he was sitting on the ground in front of the coffee table. Before he thought better of it, his head was turning and he was met with a face full of frosting from Minho.

“Hey! Minho, get back here!” Changbin screamed, getting up to chase the nuisance around the room.

Laughter filled the room and lit up Changbin’s heart. He thought that nothing could destroy his mood.

It wasn’t until the next day that Changbin had checked Twitter again.

He scrolled through a lot of happy birthday wishes for Chan, which made him smile. He read a few of the messages, and saved the ones that he wanted to show to Chan.

And then, he got to some posts about the live. Most of them were sweet and nice, there were some clips of various parts of the live including the moment that Changbin got his face full of cake. As he scrolled for longer and longer, he got to some comments that were less light-hearted.

They didn’t like the weight he gained. Of course he noticed the comments from fans who had thought he looked healthier and happier, but no matter how many positive comments he saw, the posts from people calling him fat and saying that he was “letting himself go” were far stronger. The people calling him a pig and a fatass and ugly were too loud.

Changbin didn’t understand. After everything he did to satisfy the fans, they still made negative comments about him. He once was too skinny, now he is too fat.

He knew that he shouldn’t listen to people who didn’t show their faces, yet to know that people were confidently calling him degrading names stung him deeply. He felt a hopeless feeling bloom inside of him, and it drove him mad.

Changbin felt the first tear slip down the side of his face as the feeling of his chest collapsing took him over. His phone was thrown across his bedroom, the sound of a screen shattering as it hit the floor being the only identifiable noise in the room.

He wanted to scream. There was no pleasing them. He hated himself. He hated the way that he looked. He hated himself when he was skinny, and he was beginning to hate himself now that he gained weight. But mostly, he hated the way that he was reacting.

This was the job, wasn’t it? None of this should be surprising to him. He had known about the malicious comments aimed at the other members for various reasons, so why was this so frustrating for him?

Changbin fisted his hair to ground himself. He tried to count his breaths in his head, but all he heard was the comments ringing around in his ears.

...He got fat...

...Has he stopped working out?...

Fucking breathe.

...He’s turning into a pig...

...Changbin’s face is so fat...

Letting out his first scream of frustration, Changbin shot up from his bed. If the fans wanted him to be skinnier, then fine. He would get skinnier.

This was for the good of his career. Nobody liked an ugly idol, and if he is more attractive with a slim stature and a pointy chin, then he would work to achieve it. If he gained the weight, surely he could lose it again.

The room was small, and it felt like it was getting smaller.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, he threw open his bedroom door. Changbin grabbed his running shoes from the rack by the entrance, slipped them on, and took off from the dorm that felt like it was suffocating him.

The night air was refreshing against Changbin’s burning skin as he sprinted down the street. Ten o’clock at night couldn’t be considered too late to go for a run, especially when the moon was shining so beautifully in the otherwise pitch-black sky.

Changbin didn’t know where he was going, but he didn’t care. His lungs and legs were burning with the unexpected extortion. The sweatpants and t-shirt he was wearing didn’t make for good running clothes, but that didn’t matter to him.

For a minute, he felt okay. He could even say that he felt good. For a minute, he had forgotten all about the fans and their vendetta against his happiness.

The wind had dried the tears off of his cheeks, and he just became another faceless person in the dark. Changbin didn’t think of himself as an idol, but rather a person who’s tight chest was slowly beginning to take in enough oxygen for his head to stop pounding.

He didn’t know how long he ran for that night. His mind had cleared completely of thoughts, and he wore himself out. He didn’t even notice the warning signs of exhaustion before he was throwing up in a patch of shrubs.

Slowly coming back to reality, Changbin realized he needed to get home. He wasn’t too far from the dorms, so once he gathered some strength back, he began walking.

It was hard to tell how long it took him before he was trudging up the stairs and letting himself through the front door. He tried to be as quiet as possible.

The clock on the stove read 12:24. Changbin knew that if any of the members had realized he was gone, that he would be in a world of trouble.

He took his running shoes off at the door and made his way to his and Felix’s room, expecting to see the younger boy playing video games or getting ready for bed. What he was not expecting was to see Felix sitting on Changbin’s own bed, frowning at the phone in his hands.

Felix’s eyes darted up like a meerkat, relief flooding his features when Changbin entered the room.

“Where the fuck have you been!” Felix sighed, jumping up from the bed to pull the older boy into a hug, “I came out of the shower to see you were gone, you weren’t answering your damn phone, I was fucking worried you asshole!”

Changbin repressed a smile as he pushed Felix away. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

Felix scanned Changbin, his eyes narrowing into suspicious slits. “Did you go for a run?”

“Yeah,” Changbin answered.

“In... your sweats?” Felix fingered at the pockets of Changbin’s sweatpants, and the older boy swatted his fingers away.

Changbin nodded and flopped down onto his bed.

“Why didn’t you take your phone with you? I’ve been trying to call you,” Felix ran a hand through his hair, “Fucking hell,” he sighed.

“I don’t know, Lixie.” As soon as Changbin’s head hit the pillows beneath him, he felt the exhaustion from his midnight run catch up to him. “You should watch your language, by the way.” he mumbled, cracking a small grin.

“Changbin, seriously,” Felix climbed up beside him, “You’re fucking lucky! I was two seconds away from telling Chan, I swear to god.”

Changbin looked up and saw the lines of genuine concern stretch across the boy’s face.

Felix had always been a caring person. He was always dependable, and he was really a true friend. It didn’t matter if Changbin was older, because he knew that Felix would always be there to protect him.

Wordlessly, Changbin grabbed Felix by the arm and pulled him to lay down beside him. A fond smile graced his face.

“Thank you for worrying,” Changbin whispered, “but I’m fine.”

Felix sighed. There was a beat of silence where Felix closed his eyes, and Changbin had started to think he fell asleep. But then, “Are you okay?”

Changbin was stunned and confused for a second. “Yeah... why?”

“You don’t usually go for runs. Especially not late at night.” Felix whispered.

Changbin snaked an arm around Felix’s torso. “I was just having a bad day.”

Felix was fidgeting slightly. It looked like he was fighting some sort of internal battle about whether or not he should say what he wanted to say.

Changbin smiled at the nervousness. “What?” he encouraged.

Felix’s gaze caught Changbin’s eyes. “Was it the comments? About your weight gain?” he asked in a small voice.

Silence. There was no sound coming from anywhere in the dorm as Changbin processed the question. The smile that rested on his face immediately slipped away.

“I... I saw them on Twitter, and they pissed me off, so...” Felix trailed off, lowering his gaze, “I mean you haven’t even gained that much...”

“I gained the weight on purpose,” Changbin said when he zoned back in on Felix.

“Oh...” Felix’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Why? I mean, not that you don’t look good, but like... Why did you want to gain weight?”

Changbin thought about why he wanted to gain weight. He thought about Jisung’s drawing, the “V” face comments, the constant embarrassment around his appearance, and his own insecurities.

“It’s stupid.” Changbin dismissed, but of course, Felix kept digging.

“It’s not stupid. It’s just me, you can tell me.” he eased.

Changbin sighed. “You know... how people had been making jokes about my face? And my chin?”

Felix nodded, confusion showing again.

“I hated those comments.” he whispered. “I just got so insecure about my looks after people began to make those jokes, and I just... wanted to fix them.”

When Changbin looked at Felix, he saw that the confusion was still etched onto his features. “But...” Felix started, “you always laugh at those jokes.”

Changbin felt like shit for unloading this onto Felix, yet he continued to explain. “I’m good at laughing.”

The boys sat in silence for another minute. Felix seemed to be mulling over what he had been told, and Changbin watched the look of confusion melt into one of realization, and then sadness.

“I’m so sorry,” Felix breathed, “I... I didn’t know you felt like that. I would have never made those jokes.”

Changbin felt his heart crack. Felix almost sounded heartbroken, and it killed Changbin inside.

“But hyung...” Felix said, “you know that you don’t have to fix anything, right? You’re perfect. Don’t let them get to you.”

Teardrops were threatening to fall from Changbin’s eyes for the second time that night, except instead of being born out of pain, these tears were brought on by the overwhelming feeling of being loved.

“Okay...” was all Changbin could muster the strength to whisper. He didn’t trust his voice, so instead, he leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on his best friend’s forehead.

“You know what, hyung?”

Changbin hummed.

“I have dealt with so much hate because of so many things,” Felix sniffled away his own tears, “first they were upset because I wasn’t fluent in Korean, then they didn’t like my freckles, then it was my voice, and I thought that there was just no winning with them.” Felix closed his eyes.

Changbin didn’t even think about that. If any member was no stranger to criticism from online fans, it would be Felix.

The thought was crazy to Changbin. Why would anybody go out of their way to hurt somebody as sweet and perfect as Felix? The thought of somebody actually hating Felix for his mess of pretty freckles still amazed Changbin.

“But you know what I realized?” Felix continued, snapping Changbin out of his own thoughts, “It’s not my job to please everyone.”

“What do you mean, Lixie?” Changbin asked.

Felix opened his eyes again, “Like... I’m doing music for me, right? If people don’t like the way that I look or who I am, then that’s their problem, not mine. Get it?”

Changbin was amazed.

“How are you so young and yet more wise than half of the industry?” Changbin saw the light in Felix’s eyes, and it made him smile, too.

“I mean it still hurts sometimes, but... less now.”

Changbin agreed. He couldn’t see how reading vicious comments like that could ever end up getting easier.

“But now that I know you get comments and stuff that hurt you too, maybe we could... help each other. When it hurts a lot, you know?”

“Like you mean... I come to you when it hurts, and you come to me?” Changbin asked. It made him feel special to know that Felix trusted him enough to want to go to him for comfort. It made him feel like he wasn’t the only one that got happiness out of their relationship.

“Yeah, something like that,” he answered.

Changbin’s smile returned full force.

Felix was like sunshine, Changbin thought. This issue that seemed so horrible and painful to Changbin, now seems less than half as terrible since Felix was there for him. Since now, Felix was there to comfort him.

He didn’t care if it made him weak or less of a man, because he didn’t feel like he had to be strong when he was with Felix. Felix had always been comfortable in his emotions, and Changbin admired that about him.

“If you’re happy with the way that you look right now, you should keep it this way,” Felix encouraged him, “because for the record, I think you look better like this. You look happier.”

“I am happier,” Changbin whispered.

Shortly after that, the two boys fell asleep in Changbin’s bed, happy to have the support of their best friend.

Although it was hard at first, Changbin slowly became more confident in himself and his appearance to not care about how other people wanted him to look. Even when he slipped up, Felix always caught him with a hug, a smile, and a shoulder for him to rest his head.

For a while, Changbin had to fake his happiness during videos and variety shows. No matter how much he repressed it, the worry of how his fans would react to his appearance was always dangling in the back of his mind like an itch that he couldn’t scratch.

But it got better. Changbin found himself worrying less and less about what his fans thought, and more about what he thought. Over time, he didn’t have to fake his happiness. The fans had even noticed how Changbin’s growing confidence affected him.

And perhaps best of all, eventually began to laugh again. It wasn’t a fake laugh, or a laugh to cover his shame. It was a real laugh that honestly held his real happiness. And unlike how he laughed before, this laugh was the product of his self confidence and strength. No laugh could ever be brighter or fuller than his.

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britesparc · 3 years

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Weekend Top Ten #467

Top Ten Romantic Couples in Superhero Movies (& TV)

It’s Valentine’s Day this weekend. Woo, I guess? I dunno. I’m not generally cynical about holidays but Valentine’s Day does seem to be entirely focused on selling cards without any of the associated pleasantries of, say, Christmas or Halloween. I’d rather just try to be nice to my wife all year round. At least because of the apocalypse all the restaurants are closed so we can’t be tempted to pay through the nose for a set menu. Anyway, it gives me a strained excuse to tie this week’s Top Ten to something vaguely romantic.

Superheroes are often horny. This seems to be a defining characteristic of the artform. Whether it’s their descent from ancient myths, or their creators’ origins in writing romance books, or just a function of genre storytelling in the mid-twentieth century, there’s quite a lot of romantic angst in superhero stories. Pretty much every superhero has a significant other; Lois Lane even got her own comic that was actually called Superman’s Girlfriend, Lois Lane. It’s hard to conceive of many heroes without their primary squeeze, and often – as we get multiple media adaptations of characters – we can add diversity or a twist to the proceedings by picking a lesser-known love interest, or one from earlier in the character’s fictional history; for instance, Smallville beginning with Cark Kent’s teenage crush Lana Lang, or The Amazing Spider-Man swapping out Mary Jane Watson for Gwen Stacey.

Anyway, I’m talking this week about my favourite superhero couples. I’ve decided to focus on superhero adaptations – that is, the characters from movies and films based on superhero comics or characters. I find this a little bit easier as I don’t have a phenomenal knowledge of sixty years of Avengers comics, but I have seen all the movies a bunch. As many comics as I’ve read, and as much as I love various ink-and-paper pairings, I can arguably talk more authoritatively about the fillums than the funny books. And let’s be real here, kids: my favourite comic book romantic couple is Chromedome and Rewind in Transformers. Also if I split them in two I can talk about comic couples next year. Woohoo!

It really is hard thinking of these things nearly nine years in, folks.

So! Here, then, are my favourite movie-TV Couples in Capes. Obviously there’s a fair bit of MCU in here. And I’ve been pretty specific about “superhero” romances: so no Hellboy and Liz Sherman, sadly (and I do really like them in the movies, of which they really need to make a third). Some are civvies-and-supes; some are capes-and-capes. You’ll work it out.

Superman & Lois Lane (Christopher Reeve & Margot Kidder, Superman, 1978): who else? The most famous romance in all of comics, a combo so strong it remains the focus of pretty much every interpretation of the character, but arguably never better than here; so good are Reeve and Kidder that their fast-talking banter and inherent goodness set the template for a huge swathe of other comic adaptations to follow. She’s sarky and streetwise; he’s gormless and good-hearted. She leaps in where angels fear to tread, he’s an invulnerable alien in disguise. They have buckets of chemistry and an utterly believable (tentative) romance. They’re perfect performances and the scenes of Clark in Metropolis for the first time (including Superman’s balcony interview with Lois) are the best bits of an already excellent film.

Raven & Beast Boy (Tara Strong & Greg Cipes, Teen Titans Go!, 2014): on a totally different register, we have the comedy stylings of the Teen Titans. Raven and Beast Boy had a flirtatious relationship on the original Titans series, but on this longer-running and much more demented comedy follow-up, they were allowed to make the romance more official (I nearly said “explicit” but, y’know… it’s not that). The jokes and banter – BB the love-struck, jealous suitor, Raven the too-cool partner who feigns nonchalance – build and build, but every now and again they’re allowed a moment of genuine heartfelt romance, and it hits all the more strongly amidst the ultra-violence and outrageous comedy.

Captain America & Agent Carter (Chris Evans & Hayley Atwell, Captain America: The First Avenger, 2011): the premier couple of the MCU, Steve and Peggy spend a whole movie flirting (she sees the goodness of him even before he gets all hench) before finally arranging a date that, we all know, is very much postponed. Peggy casts a shadow over the rejuvenated Cap and the MCU as a whole, founding SHIELD, inspiring dozens of heroes, and counselling Steve to her dying days. She remains Steven’s true north (like Supes with Lois, Peggy’s an ordinary human who is the actual hero of an actual super-powered hero), guiding him through the chaos and tragedy of Endgame, until they both get to live happily ever after. Even though he snogged her niece.

Batman & Catwoman (Michael Keaton & Michelle Pfeiffer, Batman Returns, 1992): Pfeiffer delivers a barnstorming performance as Selina Kyle, all barely-supressed mania and seductive feline charm. The chemistry between her and Keaton is electric, and propels the film forward even when the Penguin-runs-for-mayor stuff gets a bit daft and icky. There are beautiful moments of romantic comedy when they’re both trying to cover up injuries they gave each other, and of course there’s “mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it” – a line that runs a close second to “dance with the devil” when it comes to Burton-Batman quotations (just ahead of “never rub another man’s rhubarb”). Burton, generally favouring the macabre villains over the straighter edges of the heroic Batman, nevertheless makes great play of the duality of the character, and how this is something he and Catwoman can share – both “split right down the centre” – but also how this means a happy ending for either of them is impossible.

Spider-Man & Mary Jane (Tobey Maguire & Kirsten Dunst, Spider-Man, 2002): whilst a lot of this is really down to the sexiness of them kissing upside-down in the rain, there’s a nice duality to Peter and MJ seeing through each other too: he sees the wounded humane soul beneath her it-girl persona; she sees the kind, caring man underneath his geek baggage. This arc plays out beautifully across the first two films (ending in that wonderfully accepting “Go get ‘em, tiger”) before sadly getting all murky and unsatisfying in the murky and unsatisfying third film. Still: that kiss.

Wonder Woman & Steve Trevor (Gal Gadot & Chris Pine, Wonder Woman, 2017): probably the film that hews closest to the Clark-Lois dynamic of the original Superman, to the point where it includes an homage to the alleyway-mugging scene as Diana deflects a bullet. Steve is Diana’s window into man’s world, showing her the horror of the First World War but managing to also be a sympathetic ally and never talking down or mansplaining anything. He’s a hero in his own right – very similar to another wartime Steve on this list – and very much an ideal match to the demigod he’s showing round Europe. And, of course, Gadot’s Diana is incredible, both niaive and vulnerable whilst also an absolute badass. There is an enduring warm chemistry to the pair, with a relationship which we actually see consummated – relatively rare for superheroes! The inevitability of his heroic sacrifice does nothing to lessen the tragedy, and no I’ve not seen Wonder Woman 1984 yet.

Hawkeye & Laura Barton (Jeremy Renner & Linda Cardellini, Avengers: Age of Ultron, 2015): I love these guys! I love that Hawkeye has a relatively normal, stable family life. He has a big old farmhouse that he wants to remodel, he’s got two kids and a third on the way… he’s got something to live for, something to lose. It humanises him amidst the literal and figurative gods of the Avengers. And they’re cute together, bickering and bantering, and of course she is supportive of his Avenging. I hope we get to see more of Laura and the kids in the Hawkeye series, and I hope nothing bad happens to them now they’ve all been brought back to life.

Wanda Maximoff & Vision (Elizabeth Olsen & Paul Bettany, Avengers: Infinity War, 2018): theirs is a difficult relationship to parse, because they’re together so briefly. They cook paprikash together in Civil War before having a bit of a bust-up, and by Infinity War they’re an official couple, albeit on the run (and on different sides). That movie does a great job in establishing their feelings for each other in very little screentime, with their heroic characteristics on full display, before the shockingly awful tragedy of Wanda killing Vision to save the galaxy, before Thanos rewinds time, brings him back to life, and kills him again, and then wins. Their relationship going forward, in WandaVision, is even trickier, because we don’t know what’s up yet, and at times they’re clearly not acting as “themselves”, defaulting to sitcom tropes and one-liners. Will Vision survive, and if he does, will their relationship? Who can say, but at least they’ll always have Edinburgh, deep-fried kebabs and all.

Batman & Andrea Beaumont (Kevin Conroy & Dana Delany, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, 1993): woah, Batman’s back but it’s a different Batman, say whaaaat. Animated Batman has had a few romances, from the great (Talia al-Ghul) to the disturbingly icky (Batgirl, ewwww), but his relationship with Andrea Beaumont is the best. Tweaking the Year One formula to give young Bruce a love interest that complicates his quest is a golden idea, and making her a part of the criminality and corruptiuon that he’s fighting is a suitably tragic part of the Batman origin story. Conroy and Delany give great performances, him wringing pathos out of Bruce, torn between heart and duty (“It just doesn’t hurt so bad anymore,” he wails to his parents’ grave, “I didn’t count on being happy”), her channelling golden age Hollywood glamour. The tragedy of them rekindling their relationship years later, only to wind up on different sides again, is – again – so very Batman. It’s a beautiful, earnest, very Batman relationship, a great titanic tragedy of human emotions and larger-than-life ideals. And they both look good in black.

Harley Quinn & Poison Ivy (Kaley Cuoco & Lake Bell, Harley Quinn, 2020): this one’s a little bit of a cheat, as I’ve only seen the first season of the show, where Harley and Ivy don’t even get together. But in the wider, non-canonical sense of these being characters who are part of the pop-cultural ether, Harley and Ivy will always be a couple, I feel; and there’s definitely enough in there already to see the affection between them, not yet consummated. They adore each other, are always there for each other, and as the season follows Harley getting out of her own way and acknowledging the abuse of her relationship with Joker – and finally getting over it in the healthiest way possible for a bleached-white manic pixie in roller derby gear. And all through this, holding her hand, is Ivy. They’re utterly made for each other, and I’m glad that they do get together in season two. I hope that Margot Robbie’s rendition of the character can likewise find happiness with a flesh-and-blood Ivy. Hell, just cast Lake Bell again. She’s great.

Just bubbling under – and I’m really gutted I couldn’t fit them in – was Spider-Man & M.J. from Spider-Man: Far From Home. Like Batman, I’m comfortable including multiple continuities here, and those cuties offer a different spin on a classic relationship.

#valentine's day #romance #top ten #love #superheroes #comic book #movie #films #dce #mcu #marvel

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therainroguefanfiction · 4 years

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❉ 139 Dreams (Baiyang Zhang) Annoyance

📑 Table of Contents

Genre: Slice of Life, Angst, Fluff, School, Friendship

Word Count: 2,323

Pairing: Reader x Baiyang

World: The Prince of Tennis Match ~ Tennis Juniors

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: . ☁

You glanced at your watch and sighed, picking up your school bag before leaving the coffee shop. Baiyang was supposed to meet up with you so you could discuss your history project, but two hours have passed and he still hadn’t shown up. You knew he took tennis seriously, but he had promised to meet with you and you knew for a fact that practice had already ended.

You frowned as you walked down the quiet street, the moon glowing down on you. Only one person knew about your true feelings for Baiyang, but your friends certainly weren’t opposed to shipping the two of you together, something that he always vehemently denied. You knew he was a reserved person by nature, preferring to keep his feelings to himself, but you were beginning to think he just didn’t like you – not even as a friend.

When the teacher had announced the partners for the project, he had been visibly upset, even going so far as to question the pairing, but the teacher was firm in her decision. After that, you caught him after school to arrange a meeting time to start working on it but it took some prodding on your end before he finally agreed. You made him promise to be there but, thinking back on it, you realized he probably only agreed to get you to leave him alone.

‘Maybe I should just do it myself…’ your frown deepened as you entered your house.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: . ☁

“You’re kidding.” Changyi, your best friend, frowned at you. “I can’t believe you waited for two hours. I would have left after fifteen minutes!”

You smiled at her as you pulled out your notebook from your bag, setting it on your desk. “It’s alright, I pushed him into it, so it makes sense that he didn’t show.”

“It’s still rude,” she huffed in annoyance, folding her arms over her chest. “He could have at least called!”

“He probably doesn’t have my number.”

“Why do you keep making excuses for him, Y/N?” She groaned. “There’s no shame in calling him out for being a jerk!”

You frowned at the notebook, scribbling down ideas for the project, but none of them really clicked. Rain was gently pelting the window beside your desk, the morning sky dark and dreary. It did little to inspire you.

“Ugh, don’t tell me you’re gonna do it by yourself and let him skate by.” Her eyes narrowed at you. “Y/N, that’s -”

The shrill sound of the bell cut off her words, followed by Qiao Chen and Baiyang rushing into the room. Changyi glared at the latter, shooting out of her seat. “Oi, Baiyang!”

“Changyi, don’t!” You hissed, grabbing at her arm and trying to tug her back down.

Baiyang narrowed his eyes at her, clearly annoyed. The entire class had gone silent, looking between the two second-years, wondering what was going to happen. The teacher stepped into the room before Changyi could reply, clearing her throat.

“Is there a problem here?”

You tugged on her arm again and she huffed, finally falling back down. The boys exchanged a look before heading to their own desks.

“Now, before we begin class, I want to hear what each of you has chosen for your upcoming project.” Aiko-sensei clapped her hands with a smile. “Qiao Chen, Zhang Baiyang. Since you both came in late, let’s start with you both, shall we?”

Chen stood up, offering a goofy grin to his partner. “We’ve decided on Lionel Sternberger, the creator of the cheeseburger!”

The class laughed at his enthusiasm and Aiko-sensei smiled. “Excellent. Baiyang?”

You felt eyes boring into you and you lowered your head, feeling your heart pick up speed. Did he expect you to answer for him? The thought annoyed you.

When he didn’t answer, Aiko-sensei sighed. “It’s been two days, you should have at least chosen your subject. Work harder, both of you. Understand?”

“Yes, ma’am.” You responded softly, lowering your head further. Why didn’t you just choose whatever popped into your head? You should have but, for some reason, you couldn’t bring yourself to do so without your partner’s input.

When the teacher turned her back to the class, Changyi slid a piece of paper on your desk, ‘Ask for a new partner! >[‘

You frowned at the note, turning your attention back to the window. ‘Maybe I should…’

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: . ☁

When class ended, you quickly packed up your things and left the room, choosing to spend your lunch period at the library. You had spent all morning pondering your options and had decided that it would be easier just to fight through the project, even if it meant preparing it alone. The hardest part, in your opinion, was choosing a point in history to write about.

You headed for the history section at the back of the library, running your fingers along the spines of the books. World leaders, inventors, philosophers… each person great in their own right, but none appealing to you. ‘Oh, what’s this?’ Curious, you pulled down a book called The Cat Who Ruled the Town by May Nakamura. It was a children’s book and quite short, but the story was adorable. Content with your choice, you headed back down the aisle but stopped short when a thought struck you.

How would Baiyang feel when you presented a history report about a cat? You assumed he wouldn’t be very happy about it. Embarrassed, even. Shaking your head, you returned the book to the shelf with a frown. ‘He’d hate me for sure. Back to square one, I guess.’

The rest of your lunch break was spent in the history section, pulling out a random book to read the synopsis on the back before returning it to its place. Several other students visited the section, but they knew exactly what they needed, spending less than a couple of minutes there. The warning bell finally rang and you sighed, leaving the library feeling defeated.

‘Maybe I should just take the bad grade for not doing the project.’ You pondered that thought for a moment before shaking your head. ‘No, I can’t do that. If Baiyang gets a bad grade, he’ll be removed from the first team and he’ll blame me for it. A teenager can’t handle this much responsibility, ugh!’

A hand roughly grabbed your shoulder and you nearly jumped out of your skin, whipping around to face the chest of none other than Baiyang himself. Your eyes slowly trailed up, meeting his hard stare. He grunted, “After school, meet me at the tennis courts.”

Your eyes followed him as he stepped around you, continuing on to class. Your head tilted to the side. For a moment, you thought of all the shonen anime you had seen and you wondered if he wanted to challenge you to a fight, but that seemed quite silly. This wasn’t an anime, after all.

Another hand landed on your shoulder, much softer this time, but you still jumped, hand over your racing heart. Changyi giggled at your reaction, “Didn’t mean to scare you, Y/N. Sorry!”

“It’s okay.” You let out a puff of air, mentally ordering your heart to calm itself.

“So~ I heard what Baiyang said.”

“Oh yeah?”

She nodded. “The way I see it, one of two things will happen this afternoon. Number one – the shonen anime route. Or number two – the shojo anime route.”

You wanted to laugh at how the two of you seemed to share the same brain.

“If it goes the shonen route,” she continued with excitement. “He’s going to challenge you to some kind of fight to settle your differences!”

“That seems highly unlikely.”

“Well, given the context, it’ll probably be a tennis match rather than a fistfight or anything.”

“But I don’t know how to play tennis, remember?”

She waved you off. “The shojo route is where it gets really interesting. He’s going to confess to you!”

You hummed thoughtfully, holding your chin. “Confess his sins?”

“No!” She smacked her forehead before giving you a pointed look. “His undying love!”

The word love bounced around your brain and you could imagine Baiyang telling you that he loved you. Your face grew hot and you quickly waved your hand, closing your eyes. “Impossible, impossible! There’s no way he’d ever do that.”

But Changyi didn’t miss the steam practically rolling off your heated face, making her laugh.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: . ☁

You took a deep breath to calm your nerves, tightening your grip on your school bag. Baiyang had ordered you to meet him at the courts, but he hadn’t said whether or not you were actually allowed to be there. Plus, it would probably raise questions with his teammates. ‘Should I just wait here instead?’

“Excuse me?”

You turned around, coming face-to-chest with Chi Dayong, vice-captain of the tennis team. A bead of nervous sweat rolled down your cheek as you looked up at him. ‘Why are these guys so damn tall? More importantly… he’s even cuter up close! Don’t blush, don’t blush!’

He smiled kindly and the world seemed to get a bit brighter. “May I help you?”

“Oh, umm…” you realized you had been staring at his beautiful face and red spread across your face to the tips of your ears. “I -”

A strong hand wrapped around your wrist and Baiyang didn’t spare a word as he pulled you away from the handsome boy and the tennis courts. You remained silent, chewing on your bottom lip as he continued toward the school gate.

Finally, you forced yourself to speak, but your voice was soft and unsure. “Won’t you get into trouble for skipping practice?”

He glanced at you over his shoulder. “Coach says it’s important.”

“Oh.” Your eyes moved to rest on his hand, still wrapped tightly around your wrist. ‘His hand is so big and warm.’

Silence settled between the two of you as the school grew smaller until you couldn’t see it anymore. You considered asking him where he was taking you, but he seemed calm at the moment and you didn’t want to ruin that. How often did you get one-on-one time with him where he didn’t act like he was annoyed by your very existence?

Baiyang came to a stop two blocks down from the cafe where you were originally supposed to meet, his gaze moving to the alleyway you both stood in front of. He seemed to be having an internal debate with himself.

You frowned at his back, “Bai -”

Mreow.

Your ears perked up at the sound and you turned your own gaze down the alley.

Mre~ow.

You pulled your arm from his grasp and slowly stepped down the alley, eyes scanning the cramped space, looking behind garbage bags and overflowing trash bins for the source of the sound.

Mreow.

You caught movement from the corner of your eye, noticing the head of a small tabby kitten peeking out from behind a cardboard box. With a smile, you squatted down, holding out your hand as you spoke softly to the creature, “It’s okay, sweety. I won’t hurt you.”

The kitten hesitated, ears twitching at the sound of your voice.

Baiyang came to squat down beside you, holding his hand out beside your own, little pieces of dry cat food resting against his palm. The kitten sniffed the air, its nose twitched cutely before he cautiously stepped out from behind the box. His striped tail swished behind him as he approached the food, glancing at the two of you before finally taking the food, gobbling it up like there was no tomorrow.

‘Poor thing, he must be starving.’ You frowned, resisting the urge to reach out and pet him. ‘…wait a minute.’ Your gaze shifted to the male at your side, surprised by the soft smile playing on his lips. “Baiyang, why are you carrying around dry cat food with you?”

His body tensed beside you but he kept quiet, the smile quickly being replaced with a frown. When the food was gone, the kitten started rubbing its head against his hand, purring contently. You slowly reached forward, fingers brushing against the damp orange fur.

“I didn’t forget.” Baiyang suddenly grunted as his thick fingers stretched at the kitten’s ears.

“What?”

“Our meeting at the cafe. I didn’t forget.”

“Oh.” You frowned, feeling your heart skip painfully. “Does that mean you didn’t want to meet with me? You could have just said so…”

“No, that’s not -” He struggled to properly express what he wanted to say, his cheeks dusted with color. “I was on the way, but… I got distracted.”

It took a minute, but as you glanced between him and the kitten, realization struck you and you had to stop yourself from awwing at him. You had never realized he could be so soft. With a smile, you told him, “Given the circumstances, I guess I can forgive you.”

He glanced at you with a frown. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stand you up.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad that you don’t hate me.”

Baiyang’s eyes widened in surprise. “You thought I hated you?”

You rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly, avoiding his gaze. “Kind of… You always seem so annoyed around me, so I just assumed…”

“I could never hate you.” He scowled, refusing to turn his gaze away from the kitten. “And you’ve never once annoyed me. I… enjoy being around you.”

The words were so soft, you questioned if you had heard him right, but judging from the red dusting his cheeks, you were sure that you hadn’t misheard him. With a smile, you told him, “I enjoy being around you, too. But next time, maybe text me and let me know.”

“I need your number for that.” Baiyang’s dark eyes met yours and you grinned, pulling your phone from your pocket.

“I guess we should solve that problem, huh?”

He smiled softly at you, making an already beautiful man look that much more so.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: . ☁

📜 Read more by checking out my masterlist 📜

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cherry-valentine · 4 years

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Fall 2019 Anime Season

Here’s what I’m watching:

Stand: My Heroes is an otome series that’s pretty and refreshing in that it stars an adult lady protagonist who has a career - she works as a “scout” for a new program that works to gather talented individuals (all handsome single men, of course) from various fields to solve drug-related cases. The art is nice and the music is above average, with really cool opening and ending themes. My biggest issue with the show is that it has way too many characters, many of whom look very similar. Honestly, for the first few episodes I could only tell some of them apart by their voice actors. Luckily the show has some very well known voice talent. It gets a bit easier as the show becomes a little more episodic, dealing with small groups of the men at a time. But still. If all of these guys were in the game, it must have been hell trying to get all the endings! The overall plot is a little vague but I do like that the heroine is independent and respected by the men on her team. There are a couple of the usual tsundere guys but they mellow out pretty quickly. The show is interesting and attractive to look at, but it would have benefited a lot from narrowing its focus and cutting down on the number of hot guys (now that’s something I never thought I’d type).

Ahiru no Sora is a new sports anime about basketball. It actually follows a similar plot setup to Hinomaru Sumo - a talented player starts at a new school and goes to join the club of his favored sport, only to find it overrun by violent delinquents whom he’ll have to defeat (via his sports skills) in order to officially join the club and start a team. The protagonists even share the same problem of being considered way too short to participate in the sport they love and also the fact that their ill mothers gave them encouragement. The biggest difference, however, is that Hinomaru was already a very accomplished and even somewhat famous sumo wrestler when the series begins, whereas Sora is talented but has never even played in a real basketball game, making him very much an underdog. He’s a likable character, as are the delinquents that gradually come around to playing basketball with him and cleaning up their acts. I was a little annoyed by the fact that there is a peephole the guys use to watch the girls changing into their uniforms. Not by the fact that it existed, because it’s actually kinda realistic that delinquent teenage boys would do something like that, but by the fact that Sora is shown this peephole in the first episode and is never seen doing anything to close it up despite becoming friends with one of the girls and him being presented as a moral, upstanding guy. I hope they address it in the future because it kinda bugs me. On the plus side, the main female character (there’s always one in any sports anime) is a very talented player on the girls’ basketball team, rather than the team manager or whatever. I like that she’s a player of the sport rather than just a fan or support character. Also, the fact that Sora’s main source of inspiration is his mom, who was a famous basketball player herself in her youth, is pretty cool. Overall, the show is enjoyable even if it feels a little overly familiar.

Hoshiai no Sora is a revelation. It feels like a very important moment for anime that will no doubt be talked about for years into the future. Be warned that I venture into possible spoilers territory here, though I don’t share any plot details. I started the series because I saw boys holding tennis rackets in the artwork, fully expecting “just another sports anime” (which is fine, because I love sports anime). What I got was a very big, very nice surprise. Hoshiai no Sora is a sports anime, in that it follows a sports team and spends some time showing training routines and matches with rival schools. But it’s also a realistic, nuanced, heartwarming, and often painfully traumatic coming of age story about the boys on the tennis team, most of whom have compelling back stories or home lives. Almost every parent in the show is an absolute nightmare, to the point that when a non-terrible parent shows up, every commenter on the episode was immediately suspicious of them. It should be clear by now that there are some massive trigger warnings to apply to this show. There are rather graphic depictions of child abuse, from physical to verbal to emotional, and all of it is horrifying (and kudos to the show for recognizing that there are so many different forms of abuse and all of them are traumatic). Thankfully, the show is not all doom and gloom. In fact, the show is one of the sweetest, most uplifting, most touching series I’ve seen in years, mostly due to the fact that these traumatized kids are all so supportive of each other. They’re kind to each other, even if they bicker here and there about silly stuff. They defend each other from bullies. One character in particular goes to some rather extreme lengths to look out for his friend. It’s also very important to note that the show tackles issues I’ve legitimately never seen addressed in anime, at least not in such a respectful and tasteful way. One character in particular is first presented as gay (and it seems all the other characters are aware that this person is gay, and the tennis team will NOT be having your homophobic bullshit, thank you very much) but then is revealed to be non-binary/questioning their gender, and the show seriously spends almost an entire episode talking about this, about gender identity, with one character relating the story of the transgender man who practically raised him. An anime series actually, seriously, discussed these issues. As a straight, cisgender person, I can’t speak for how accurate all of this was, but judging by the reaction to the episode by folks in the LGBTQ+ community, I’m willing to assume the show did a great job. I’m also willing to bet that somewhere in Japan, there are young people watching this that desperately need to see it, that desperately need to hear the positive messages presented (protagonist Maki kindly gives encouragement and support to his non-binary friend, and at times it feels like he’s speaking to the audience). I know some of this stuff would be considered spoilers, but honestly, I feel like more people would give this anime a shot if they knew it featured all this awesomeness. The art is lovely. The music is great. This is a series that needs to be watched by as many people as possible. Don’t sleep on this one, please.

Boku no Hero Academia Season 4 is more of the same. I’ve already talked several times now about my issues with the series (how female characters are handled in general pretty much sums most of it up) and I’ve already talked about how much I enjoy the show despite those issues. This season introduces an interesting and imposing new villain in Chiaki, who has a cool design and power. I’m also pleased that the show seems to be making an attempt to actually let the female characters DO STUFF, as well as introducing some cool new lady heroes who actually have interesting powers. So... yeah. A good show got better. Special mention goes to new character Sir Nighteye, who is a perfect example of how voice casting can really make or break a character. I would have found him pretty boring if he wasn’t voiced by the supremely talented Shinichirou Miki, who brings all his various characters to life in such a vivid way, I’ve never come across one I didn’t like.

Special 7 falls into the “urban fantasy” genre, the kind we see a lot of in anime lately, with supernatural elements mixed in with modern life. In this case, we have races like elves and vampires living peacefully alongside humans in the modern world. The story follows a certain police unit made up of various fantasy races and humans formed to deal with a terrorist group called Nine who aim to bring back dragons (something about dragons used to rule the world or maybe terrorized the world, I don’t remember). There’s a nice mix of characters in the core team, many of whom will feel familiar. They’re still fun though, and their chemistry as a team and as friends is one of the main reasons to watch. I’m particularly fond of the vampire lady named Shikisai who uses a samurai sword and is, from what I can tell, the most physically badass member of the team. She also appears to have an adorably sweet home life with her husband (or boyfriend?) and is just generally a cool chick. The animation is okay and the music is above average. The plot has several mysteries that are slowly being revealed, but has enough humor to keep from getting too serious. Fairly low on my watch list, but still has a solid spot.

Psycho-Pass Season 3 is a show I was looking forward to. I still think season one was one of the best anime seasons in the past ten years. Season two was good but couldn’t really contend with season one. The movie was great. The OVA’s were great. I was pretty hyped for season three, and so far... eh. It’s okay. Honestly if it were a new show I’d probably rate it much higher, but as a continuation of a story like this, I’m finding it a bit lacking. At times it actually does feel like a new show. There are two entirely new protagonists, who are both interesting and likable, but neither immediately gripped me the way Akane and Kogami did in previous seasons. Some elements of the show seem to contradict, or at least stretch, the world-building that had already been established. New protagonist Arata has an ability that verges on supernatural (in a show that has never had supernatural elements at all). They try to explain it away as something “anyone can do” with enough practice, but that sounds ridiculous when you see his ability in use. We also see “abandoned” areas where there are apparently criminal groups just... living there. Doing whatever. I guess they’re supposed to be like Yakuza, which makes zero sense in this series. If you can escape the oppression of the Sibyl System by just walking across town to an abandoned area, why did a character in season one have to flee the country? It just seems to fly in the face of all the setup that came before. Overall, this season has a general feel that doesn’t gel well with the rest of the series. That being said, taken on its own, it’s still entertaining, with high production values that afford it smooth animation and excellent music. The stories so far have been fairly engaging, but they give off a vibe of “really well done fanfiction”. But whatever, I’d watch paint dry to get an occasional glimpse of Kogami.

Carry Over Shows From Previous Seasons: Black Clover Diamond no Ace Dr. Stone

Best of Season: Best New Show: Hoshiai no Sora Best Opening Theme: Black Clover Best Ending Theme: Diamond no Ace Best New Male Character: Toma (Hoshiai no Sora) Best New Female Character: Shikisai (Special 7)

#Anime #Seasonal Anime #Fall 2019 Anime #Anime Reviews #Anime Recommendations #Text #Hoshiai no Sora

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betweengenesisfrogs · 5 years

Text

Homestuck is My Favorite Sprite Comic

Yes, you read that right.

Homestuck is my favorite sprite comic.

Those of you who remember the earlier days of the internet are probably looking at this post in disbelief right about now. Others of you might be scratching your heads, not knowing what I’m talking about.

But here’s my pitch: Homestuck is the culmination of an entire genre of internet art, and the tools that make it so powerful are the very tools that made that genre once so reviled.

Homestuck is the greatest and most successful sprite comic of all time.

And honestly, I’ve wanted to talk about that for ages, so let’s do it.

WHAT SPRITE COMICS WERE

Many of my readers are probably too young to remember the era of sprite comics. So: what were sprite comics?

Sprite comics were a genre of webcomics made entirely by taking pixel art from video games – especially character art, called “sprites,” but also backgrounds and other images—and placing them into panels to tell a story. They were near-ubiquitous on the internet in the early 2000s, emerging right as webcomics in general were seeking to establish themselves as an art form.

They were not, shall we say, known for their quality. The low bar to access meant that art skill was not an obstacle to starting one. The folks behind the huge swell of them tended to be young people, kids and early teenagers recreating the plots of their favorite video games with new OCs—not the most advanced writers or artists. They were the early 2000s’ quintessential example of ephemeral, childish art. Unfortunately, they look even worse today—blown-up pixels don’t hold up well when displayed on higher-resolution monitors.

Today, they’re mostly forgotten, remembered only as a weird, strange moment in the youth of the internet. Someone who evoked them today, such as a blogger who compared them to one of the most successful webcomics of all time, would be inviting good-natured teasing at the very least.

It would be unfair to dismiss them entirely, though. In this low-stakes environment, comics where the author could bring more skill—engaging writing, legitimately funny jokes, or especially, a real ability to work with pixel art—really stood out. (Unsurprisingly, these authors tended to skew a bit older.)

The obvious one to mention is Bob and George. Bob and George wasn’t the first sprite comic, but it was the most influential. Conceived initially as Mega Man-themed filler for a hand-drawn comic about superheroes, it quickly became a merging of the two concepts, with the original characters made into Mega Man-style sprites, full of running gags, humorous retellings of the Mega Man games, elaborate storylines about time travel, and robots eating ice cream. It was generally agreed, even among sprite comic haters, that Bob and George was a pretty good comic. Worth mentioning also are 8-Bit Theater, which turned the plot of the first Final Fantasy into a spectacular and hilarious farce, and of course Kid Radd, my second favorite sprite comic. (More on that later.)

But even if you weren’t looking for greatness—there was something just damn fun about them. The passion of sprite comic authors was clear, even if their ideas didn’t always cohere. To this day, I think the sprite comic scene has the same appeal pulp art does—it’s crude and rough, full of garbage to sift through, but every so often, something deeply sincere and bizarre shines through, and the culture of its authors is a fascinating object of study in itself.

Okay, full disclosure: I was one of the people who made a sprite comic. I’ve written about my experiences with that in more depth elsewhere, but yeah, I was on the inside of this scene, rather than a disinterested observer, and from the inside, maybe it’s a lot easier to see the appeal.

Still, let me make this claim: even with all their flaws, sprite comics were doing some incredibly interesting things, and Homestuck is heir to their legacy.

TAKE ME DOWN TO RECOLOR CITY

One of the problems people always had with sprite comics was the sprites themselves. They’re the most repetitive thing in the world. You just keep copying and pasting the same images over and over again, maybe with a few tweaks. That’s not really being an artist, is it? It’s so lazy. Re-drawing things from different angles keeps things dynamic, develops your skill, and makes your work better in general. Right?

I’m mostly in agreement. Certainly I think it’s fair to rag on the Control-Alt-Delete guy, along with other early bad webcomics, for copy-pasting their characters while dropping in new expressions and mass-producing tepid strips. And to be fair, digging through bad sprite comics often felt like an exercise in seeing the same slightly-edited recolors of Mega Man characters over and over again. You got really tired of that same body with its blobby feet and hands.

(It should be noted, though, that there were folks in the sprite comic scene who could pixel art the quills off a porcupine. I salute you, brave pixel art masters of 2006. I hope you all got into your chosen art school.)

All this said, I think the repetitive and simplistic nature of sprite comics was often their biggest strength.

THE POWER OF ABSTRACTION

In his classic work Understanding Comics, Scott McCloud makes an observation about cartooning that has stayed with me to this day.

McCloud notes that simple, abstract drawings, like faces that are only few lines and dots on a page, resonate with us more strongly than more detailed drawings. This is because our minds fill in what’s missing on the page. We ascribe human depth to simple gestures and expressions based on our own emotions and experiences – and this makes us feel closer to these characters as readers. Secretly, simple cartoons can be one of the most powerful forms of storytelling. If you want your readers to fall in love with your characters, draw them simply, and let them fill them in.

Video game sprites work very well in this regard. They have that same simplicity that cartoons do. In fact, I’d be willing to bet a huge part of the success of SNES-era RPGs was simple, almost childlike character sprites drawing people in. I think sprites did the same for sprite comics.

Here’s the weird thing: Bob and George worked. Despite four different characters being variations on the same friggin’ Mega Man sprite in different colors, they immediately began to seem like different people with distinct personalities. For me, George’s befuddled, helpless dismay immediately comes to mind whenever I picture his face, while with Mega Man himself it’s usually a wide-eyed, childlike glee. I would never confuse them. This, despite the fact that the only actual difference between their faces is that George is blonde. It’s pretty clear what happened. The personalities the author established for them through dialogue and storytelling shone through, and my brain did the rest.

Sprites, in short, were a canvas upon which the mind could project any story the author wanted to tell. Even the most minute differences in pixel art came to stand, in the best sprite comics, for wide divergences in personality and ideals, once the reader spent enough time with them to adapt to their style of representation.

Wait a minute, haven’t we seen this somewhere before? Character designs that focus on variations on a theme, with subtle differences that nonetheless render them instantly recognizable?

Oh, right.

Look at what greets us on the very first page of Homestuck. An absurdly simple cartoon boy, abstracted to a ridiculous degree—he doesn’t even have arms!—followed a whole bunch of characters that follow suit. Though many other representations of the characters emerge, these little figures never quite go away, do they? Why is that?

Simple: they’re very easy to manipulate. They’re modular—you can give John arms or not, depending on whether it’s useful. You can put him in a whole variety of poses and save them to a template. You can change out his facial expressions with copy and paste. You can give him a new haircut and call him Jake. It’s all very quick and easy.

Sprite comics proliferated because they were very easy to mass-produce. Andrew Hussie’s original conception of Homestuck was very similar: something he could put out very quickly and easily, where even the most elaborate ideas could rely on existing assets to be sped smoothly along. We all know the result: an incredible production machine, churning out unfathomable amounts of content from 2009-2012. I’d say it was a good call.

But it goes way deeper than that. The modular nature of sprites always suggested a kind of modularity to the sprite comic premise. George and Mega Man were different people, true, but also two variations on a theme. Was there something underlying them that they had in common? Perhaps their similarity says something like: We exist in a world which has a certain set of rules? One of my favorite conceits from Bob and George was that when characters visited the past, they were represented by NES-era Mega Man sprites, while in the present, they were SNES sprites, and in the future, the author used elaborate splicing to render them as 32-bit Mega Man 8 sprites or similar.

Suppose there was a skilled cartoonist thinking about his next big project, who wanted to tell a story centered around this kind of modularity, a narrative that was built out of iterative, swappable pieces by its very design. He might very well create a sprite comic named Homestuck.

Homestuck is a story about a game that creates a hyperflexible mythology for its players, where the villains, challenges, and setting change depending upon what players bring to the experience, yet which all share underlying goals and assumptions. What more perfect opportunity to create a modular story as well? Different groups of kids and trolls have motifs that get swapped around to produce new characters, whether that’s through ectobiology, the Scratch, or the eerie parallels between the kids and trolls’ sessions. And yet each character can be analyzed as an individual.

This is an incredible way to build a huge emotional investment from your readers. Not only does this kind of characterization invite analysis, the abstractions draw readers in to generate their own headcanons and interpretations. A deep commitment to pluralism is at the heart of Hussie’s character design. Then, too, it encourages readers to build their own new designs from these models. Kidswaps, bloodswaps, fantrolls—these have long been the heart of Homestuck’s fandom. And what are bloodswaps if not sprite recolors for a new generation? With the added bonus that now a change in color carries narrative weight, evoking new moods and identities for these characters in ways that early sprite comics could only dream of.

In Hussie’s hands, even the dreaded copy-and-paste takes on heroic depth of meaning. Even when Hussie moves away from sprites to his own loose art style, he continues to remix what we’ve previously see. Indeed, Hussie talks about how he would go out of his way to edit his own art into new images even when it would take more time than drawing something new. Why? Because he wanted to evoke that very feeling of having seen this before—the visual callback to go along with the many conceptual and verbal callbacks that echo throughout Homestuck. This is at the heart of what Doc Scratch (speaking for Hussie) called “circumstantial simultaneity:” we are invited to compare two moments or two characters, to see what they have in common, or how they contrast. Everything in Paradox Space is deeply linked with everything else. And Hussie establishes this in our minds using nothing less than the tool sprite comics were so deeply reviled for: the “lazy” repetition of an image.

(It’s fitting that some of the most jaw-droppingly gorgeous images in Homestuck—dream bubble scenery and the like—are the result of Hussie taking things he’s made before and combining them into fantastic dreamscapes.)

But it all started with the hyperflexible, adaptable character images Hussie created at the very beginning of Homestuck.

And if you need more proof that Homestuck is a sprite comic, I think we need look no further than what Hussie, and the rest of the Homestuck community call these images.

We call them sprites.

THE FIRST GENRE-BENDERS

Was Andrew Hussie influenced by sprite comics in the development of Homestuck? It’s hard to say, but as a webcomic artist in the first decade of the 2000s, he was surely aware of them. It’s likely that he quickly realized that his quick, adaptable images served the same purposes as a sprite in a video game or a sprite comic, and chose to call them that.

One purpose I haven’t mentioned up until now: sprites lend themselves very well to animations. In fact, in their original context of video games, that’s exactly what they’re for: frames of art that can be used to show a character running, jumping, posing, moving across a screen. It’s not surprising, then, that sprite comic makers quickly saw the utility in that.

Homestuck was, in fact, not the first webcomic to make Flash animations part of its story. There were experiments with various gifs and such in other comics, but I think sprite comics were among the most successful at becoming the multi-media creations that would come to be known as hypercomics..

Take a look at this animation from Bob and George. It represents a climactic final confrontation against a long-standing villain, using special effects to make everything dramatic, but ultimately, like many a Homestuck animation, leads to kind of a pyscheout. The drama and the humor of the moment are clear, though. This relies in large part on the music—which is taken directly from the game Chrono Trigger. This makes total sense. Interestingly, it also contains voice acting, which is something Homestuck never tried—probably because it would run contrary to its ideals of pluralism. What I find fascinating is that in sprite comics, animations like these served a very similar purpose to Homestuck’s big flashes: elevating a big moment into something larger-than-life. Another good example is this sequence from Crash and Bass. Seriously, it seems like every sprite comic maker wanted to try their hand at Flash animation.

(By the way, it’s a lot harder than it looks!! I envy Hussie his vectorized sprites. Pixel art is a PAIN to work with in the already buggy program that is Flash.)

The result: because of the sprites themselves, sprite comics were among the first works to play around with the border between comics and other media in the way that would come to be thought of as quintessentially Homestuck.

What it also meant was that another genre emerged in parallel with sprite comics: the sprite animation. Frequently these would retell the story of a particular game, offer a spectacular animated battle sequence, parody the source material, or all three. Great examples include this animation for Mega Man Zero, and this frankly preposterous crossover battle sequence. Chris Niosi’s TOME also found its earliest roots as an animation series of this kind. You also found plenty of sprite-based flash games, in which players could manipulate game characters in a way that was totally outside the context of the original works.

The website the vast majority of these games and animations were hosted on?

Newgrounds, best known to Homestuck fans as the website Hussie crashed in 2011 while trying to upload Cascade.

What’s less talked about is that Hussie was friends, or at least on conversational terms with, the owner of the site, hence the idea to host his huge animation there in the first place, and other flashes, like the first Alterniabound, were initially hosted there as well.

It’s hard to believe that Hussie wasn’t at least a little familiar with the Newgrounds scene. I suspect that he largely conceived of Homestuck as part of the world of “Flash animation—” which in 2009 meant the wide variety of things that were hosted on Newgrounds, including sprite animations.

The freedom and fluidity sprite comics had to change into games and animations and back into comics again was one of their most fascinating traits. Homestuck’s commitment to media-bending needs, at this point, no introduction. But what’s less known is that sprite comics were exploring that territory first—that Homestuck, in short, is the kind of thing they wanted to grow up to be.

PUT ME IN THE GAME

I would be a fool not to mention another big thing Homestuck and sprite comics have in common: a character who is literally the author in cartoon form, running around doing goofy things and messing with the story. This was an incredibly common cliché in sprite comics, no doubt because of Bob and George, who did it early on and never looked back. You might have noticed that the animation I linked above concerns a showdown between Bob and George’s author, David Anez—depicted, delightfully, as another Mega Man recolor—and a mysterious alternate author named Helmut—who is like Mega Man plus Sepiroth I think? It’s all very strange. I could ramble for hours about the relationship between Hussie and the alt-author villains of Homestuck and what it all means, but I’m not sure I can nail anything down with certainty for these two. Maybe Bob and George was never quite that metaphysical.

But yes, bringing the author into the story in some form was already a cliché by the time Homestuck started up. Indeed, I think that’s why Hussie’s character refers to it as “a bad idea” to break the fourth wall—he’s recognizing that people will have seen this before, and are already tired of this sort of shit. And then he goes and does it anyway and makes it somehow brilliant, because he’s Andrew Hussie.

Homestuck breathes life into the cliché by taking it in a metaphysical/metafictional direction. I don’t think that was really the motivation for most sprite comic authors, though. Let’s see if we can dig a little deeper.

I think the cliché kept happening because sprite comic authors were writing about a subject that very closely concerned themselves: video games. I’m only kind of joking. The thing about video games is that even though they’re made for everyone, playing through one yourself feels like an intensely personal experience. You develop an emotional relationship to a world, to its characters, that feels distinctly your own. Now, suddenly, thanks to the magic of sprites, you have an opportunity to tell stories about that world for others to read. Of course you’re going to want to put yourself in the story in some form.

When it wasn’t author characters in sprite comics, it was OCs. You know Dr. Wily? Well here’s my own original villain, Dr. Vindictus. You know Mega Man? Here’s my new character, Super Cool Man. He hangs out with Mega Man and they beat the bad guys together. Stuff like that. Most sprite comics retold the story of a game, or multiple games in a big crossover format, with original elements added in. There was quite a lot of “Link and Sonic and Mega Man are all friends with my OC and they hang out at his house.”

What’s interesting, though, is that because these sprite comics were very aware that they were about video games, this was where they sometimes got very meta. It started with humorous observation—hey, isn’t it funny that Link goes around breaking into people’s houses and smashing their pots? But sometimes, it grew into more serious commentary. Is Mega Man trapped in a never-ending cycle, doomed to fight the same fight against the same mad scientist until the end of time? Is it worth it, being a video game hero?

Enter Homestuck. What I’ve been dancing around this whole time is:

Homestuck is a sprite comic…because Homestuck is a video game.

Or more specifically, Homestuck’s a comic about a video game called SBURB, where the lines between the game and the comic about the game blur as characters wrestle with the narratives around them, both those encoded into the game and those encoded into our expectations.

Homestuck presents the fantasy of many a sprite comic maker: I get to go on heroic quests, I get to change the world and become a god. I get to be part of the video game. And then it asks the same question certain sprite comics were beginning to ask:

Is it worth it, to be that hero?

I want to tell you about my second favorite sprite comic, a comic called Kid Radd.

Kid Radd distinguished itself from other sprite comics of the time by being a completely original production. Its sprites looked like they could be from a variety of NES and SNES-era video games, but they were all done from scratch, and the games they purported to represent were all fictional. Kid Radd used animations with original music, and sometimes interactive, clickable games, to tell its story. It also used all sorts of neat programming tricks to make it load faster on the internet of the early 2000s, which was great—unfortunately, these same techniques made it break as web technology evolved, something Homestuck fans in 2019 can definitely relate to. The good news is, fans have maintained a dedicated and reformatted archive where the comics can still be seen and downloaded.

Kid Radd’s premise is that video game characters themselves are conscious and alive—more specifically, their sprites. Sprites developed consciousness as human beings projected personality and identity onto them, remaining aware of their status as video game constructs while also seeking to be something more. The story follows the titular Kid Radd, at first in the context of his own game, commenting on the choices the player controlling him. He must endure every death, every strange decision along the way to save his girlfriend Sheena. Then the story expands into a larger context as Radd, Sheena, and many other video game characters are released onto the internet as data. They try to find their own identities and build a society for themselves, but struggle with the tendency toward violence that games have programmed into them. The story culminates in an honestly moving moment where Radd confronts the all-powerful creators of their reality—human beings.

It’s a very good comic.

The first sprite comic authors wanted to fuse real life with video games. Later sprite comic authors decided to ask: what would that really mean? Would it be painful? Would you suffer? Would you find a way to make your life meaningful all the same? Despite the limitations of sprite comics, these ideas had incredible potential, and in works like Kid Radd, they flourished.

Homestuck is heir to that legacy.

It takes the questions Kid Radd was asking, and asks them in new ways. It tries to understand, on an even deeper level, how the rules of video games shape our own minds and give us ways to understand ourselves.

At its heart, Homestuck is a sprite comic, and it might just be the greatest of them all.

EPILOGUE

I’ve seen a lot of good discussion recently on how Homestuck preserves a certain era of the internet like a time capsule: its culture, its technology, its assumptions, its memes.

I think sprite comics, too, are part of the culture that created Homestuck. Do I think Hussie spent the early 2000s recoloring Mega Man sprites? No, probably not. But what I do know is that sprite comics were part of his world. The first webcomic cartoonists came of age alongside an odd companion, the weird, overly sincere, dorky little sibling that was sprite comics. Like them or hate them, you couldn’t escape them. They were there.

And maybe a certain cartoonist saw a kind of potential in them, in the same way he summoned Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff from the depths of bad gamer culture.

Or maybe he just knew, as some sprite comic authors did, that the time was right for their kind of story.

On a personal level—Homestuck came along right when I needed it.

Around 2009, the bubble that was sprite comics finally burst. People were getting tired of them, or growing out of them, and blown-up sprites no longer looked so good on modern monitors.

I was more than a little heartbroken. I’d enjoyed Bob and George, read my fill of Mega Man generica, and fallen utterly in love with Kid Radd. I’d been working on my own sprite comic for a long time out of a sense that there was huge potential in them that we were only scratching the surface of. I’d dreamed of maybe someday doing something as amazing as the best of them did. But I was watching that world disappear. I had to admit to myself that my work wasn’t going to continue to find an audience. That I could live with. But it was painful to think that the potential I sensed, the feats of storytelling I wanted to see in the world, would never be realized.

And then, in the fall of 2010, a friend linked me to a comic that broke all the rules, that mixed animation, games, music, images and chatlogs. A comic that crafted its own sprites, just as Kid Radd did, and remixed its images into an ever-expanding web of associations and meanings. A comic that took on the idea of living inside a video game with relish and turned it into a gorgeous meditation on escaping the ideas and systems that control us.

That this comic would exist, let alone that it would succeed. That it would become one of the most popular creations of all time, that it would surpass other webcomics and break out into anime conventions and the real world, that it would become such a cultural juggernaut, to the point where it’s impossible to imagine an internet without Homestuck—

I can’t even put into words how happy that makes me. It’s the reason I’m still writing essays about Homestuck nearly eight years after I found it.

And it’s why Homestuck will always be my favorite sprite comic.

-Ari

[Notes: The image of the kids came from the ever-useful MSPA Wiki—please support and aid in their efforts to provide a good source of info about Homestuck! They need more support these days than ever.

For more on Homestuck’s place as a continuation of the zeitgeist of early 2000s experimental webcomics, this article by Sam Keeper at Storming the Ivory Tower is excellent and insightful.

Thanks for reading, y’all.]

#homestuck analysis #homestuck #homestuck's influences #hypercomics #understanding homestuck #sprite comics #internet culture

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aesthyuckic · 5 years

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AVENOIR | l.dh - SEX

(gif not mine - credits to rightful owner)

Genre: High School AU (at beginning) ; Tarot Reader!Witch!Hyuck

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: (for future chapters will bold if in use) belief contradictions, mentions of r*pe, blood, swearing, violence, mentions of abuse, slow but with a purpose

Pairings: Lee Donghyuck (Haechan) x Reader (F)

ACE OF PENTACLES - opportunity, prosperity, new venture

They had been in San Diego for quite some time now. Everyday seemed the same in the way they lived. Wake up, hang out at the beach in hope of getting money from tourist, wait until sunset to work on the streets, get something to eat and preferably find a cheap motel room. It’s not at all what Donghyuck signed up for and he was starting to really regret his decision.

He looked back at the past few months with Cosimia. He found it difficult to get close to her, not just mentally or spiritually but also physically. He remembered there was one time after they had just arrived here that they were in the store, getting something to eat. When he tried to tap her shoulder to ask her something, she flinched away from him. There was that familiar sense of fright in her eyes. They always tried to get a motel room because they hated the homeless shelters and due to money, they only got one bed rooms. She would never sleep in the bed if he was there. She would lay on floor if she had to, or go outside. It was only recently that she would get in with him and even then, she was practically teetering on the edge.

He understood the weird behavior was due to what she experienced in that deceivingly happy orange house. Nevertheless, it didn’t help him because he felt like he was doing something wrong. He never asked her about anything of it, mostly because he didn’t know how. As it was, it was hard to get close to her on that level but it was easier than anything else.

People walked around them in swimsuits while eating ice cream. They sat on the warm sand of the spring day, under a big umbrella. It was good for shade but didn’t do much for the still hot air that surrounded them. The tarot card box rested next to the boy while he sat back on his hands. His sunglasses didn’t do much to keep the glare from the light reflecting off the sand from blinding him. He looked to his left to see the girl sitting on the sand who was attempting to build a sand sculpture.

He questioned how she could seem so content at their current situation. They hadn’t eaten anything, nor did they have any money as of the moment. He envied it as he scrunched his nose.

“You lied to me.” He muttered, aloud as he turned his attention to the sea to avoid eye contact.

“About what?” She asked.

“The night we left, when I asked you if we’d be okay and you said we would.” He reminded her.

“I didn’t lie. I said we’d be okay, I never stated a time as to when.”

“I hate you.”

“Please, if you hated me, you know full well you could’ve left by now and gone back.”

It was true, they had discussed it multiple times. Donghyuck could go back home, whenever, if he wished. She made it clear she wouldn’t go back with him though. She had given him plenty of opportunities to leave and continued to do so but he still stuck by her anyway.

“Besides, this is okay to me...” She mumbled.

“How?” He huffed. “This sucks!”

“It’s just much better than what it was like a few months ago... I feel freer, like I can breath and just be. Not all of us had parents that loved us.”

He noticed his blood start to boil at her words. She wasn’t wrong, in fact, she was right, she was always right. He did grow up in a loving home it’s just he was overworked to an extreme. He just hated the way it sounded like his life was so much better than hers. He had a short temper, and honestly, he had no reason to get upset about but he did. He was just stressed out from their living situation. He stood up, looking like a child who just got done throwing a tantrum.

“I’m gonna go find seashells or something.” He frowned before stomping away from their spot on the beach.

“Have fun with that!” She yelled as he continued to stomp further and further away.

She rolled her eyes and let out a sigh as she still played with the sand. She didn’t chase after him, only because they had disagreements and arguments countless times. He always came back but he only went away to think anyway. He would always come back and remain silent, which was odd for him but it’s because he knew he overreacted, sometimes he was in the wrong.

He had come back around sun set. A pout occupied his lips as he walked up to the girl that sat on the towel under the umbrella that no longer protected from the sun. He thought she looked pretty under the golden hour light which broke his pout. She noticed the few seashells he cradled in his arms. He straightened his posture as he saw the look on her face.

“What? I said I was gonna collect shells or something...” He mumbled as he walked pasted her to sit on the other side of the towel.

“I never said anything about it.” She responded.

“Yeah, but you were thinking about it.” He muttered.

He got up shortly after only to take their umbrella down as the sun set. He didn’t say anything else or even look at her as he did so. She started to help with packing and assuming Donghyuck wanted the shells he collected, she wrapped them up, gently, in the towel. She put it away in a backpack that they had to shared, making sure they wouldn’t get crushed and ruined. He was already standing up with the umbrella on his shoulder as she finally slung the backpack over one of her own.

They walked into the streets together but didn’t stray far from the place they were staring to call their closest sense of home. They went into one of the sketchy and messy alleyways to pull out a foldable table onto the side walk. They also dragged out a few milk crates for seats along with the table. Cosimia was the one to grab a piece of crumbled paper from the bottom of the backpack. She uncrumbled the piece of paper to reveal words written in red marker. She taped it to the front of the table before sitting down next to the boy.

‘Tarot and Psychic Readings, 5$’ the sign read. No one seemed attracted by it though, not this evening anyway. Countless tourists and teenagers walked pasted them on the busy Saturday evening. Eventually, a couple of people had stopped by for a reading. Donghyuck was finishing up the second one for tonight. He smiled out of politeness and bid the elderly lady a goodbye and thank you.

“Do you think we’ll be able to get a motel room tonight?” He asked as he handed the money over to the girl.

“Maybe, it’s still early...” She shrugged. “We’ll have to get chicken nuggets or something from the Loop again though.”

“Please, no,” He groaned. “It’s gas station food, I throw up every time!”

“We don’t have a lot of money right now...”

“We never do.”

It became very quiet between the two of them. Though, the sounds of the city helped the air from getting too awkward. Some conversation, muffled music and sirens kept their minds occupied. He turned his attention toward Cosimia to see a frown on her face as she looked down at the dirty side walk with her arms crossed.

“I just hate the way we’ve been living since we’ve left, that’s all.” He admitted while playing with his fingers. “It stresses me out and I thought this was going to be fun...”

“Me too,” She nodded. “But we’ll be okay soon.”

“You say that,” He started. “But I’m not sure if it’s true. Yeah, you say you can predict the future and all but how do I know you’re not lying? I’m eighteen in three months and that’s really scary to me... If things don’t get better between now and then, I wanna go home but I don’t want to leave you here by yourself. It’s not just dangerous for you, but me. We’re still kids and you’ll still be one by the time June comes around. Literally some creep could snatch you up off the street and no one would ever see you again.”

“You really don’t think I can take care of myself? If you want to leave, then go, that’s your choice but you’re not dragging me back with you if you do.”

“But-“

“No buts, Haechan, our lives were very different and you don’t know what mine was like. I worked hard to earn that money to get down here and I let you tag along. I told you earlier I was happier here, in this moment, regardless of how shitty it may be. Doesn’t that say something?”

He never sees that part of her often. The last time she snapped like that was the night they left and she had every right to. For the most part, she was quiet and calm. He thought he’d seen tears prick at her eyes after she yelled at him. He hadn’t seen her cry for months but he felt extremely guilty because of it. Maybe it was because he knew if what his eyes had told him were true, it was his fault, he shouldn’t have gotten into it like that... He meant well, though...

“The cops are coming,” She uttered. “Help me get the table before they get here.”

She was quick to grab the makeshift sign off the front of the table and shove it into the backpack. They folded the table up and rushed into the alleyway with it. They kicked their crates to the sides, out of the way. They stood in silence under the yellow light of street lamps. A dog barked in the distance but it didn’t do much to ease the thick air.

He wanted to say something but it was most definitely the worst time to do so. The cop car came from around the corner, the blue and red lights flashed down the brick walls of the alleyway. Truthfully, they could’ve better spent their time than taking down illegal setups and such. The two watched as the car slowly cruised by until it disappeared down the street.

“They won’t be back for awhile.” She informed him as she grabbed her end of the table.

They brought the table back out into the side walk and grabbed the crates to sit on once again. He noticed she was sitting further away from him before and while she was generally a quiet person, the silence given to him was scary. He could tell she was upset, unsure if it was with him or with the things he said. He got upset with her too but over stupid things, so, it was fair. Their personalities clashed often but he guessed it improved their relationship and kept things interesting.

A lady with platinum blonde hair approached their table. She was nicely dressed and with no doubt pretty. She stood tall in her black heels that contrasted with the frilly, white lace top she wore. She seemed like a tourist, only by the way she seemed so excited to be there. The young woman talked to Cosimia in Spanish. Donghyuck was only able to pick up a few words here and there. He only understood the action of the blonde sliding a five dollar bill to his friend on the other side of table.

Cosimia smiled, kindly at the lady after she pocketed the bill. She took the lady’s hand and looked up with her. Judging by the smile on the blonde’s face, she was saying sweet things. Though, everything was quick to fade when the young girl’s expression drop and she let go of the customer’s hand. Her own hands grip the edge of the table as she took deep breaths.

“¿Qué pasa?” The young women asked, seeming concerned for the girl.

“Nada, nada.” She reassured her before she continued with the reading.

She said minimum things to the customer after the weird moment. Though it was obvious something was wrong, the blonde was still sent away with a smile on her face. He wish he payed attention in Spanish class to know what she had said.

“What was that about?” Donghyuck asked.

“She’s doing to die...” She sighed. “In a place crash on the way back to Spain. Her girlfriend was going to propose to her as soon as she got back, too. I only told her the part about her girlfriend proposing, though.”

“What?!” He exclaimed. “Why didn’t you say something about it then?!”

“If I told her it wouldn’t do anything, anyway!” She frowned. “I can’t prevent things no matter how hard I try, I can only predict. Even if she did know and avoided getting on that flight, she would still die somehow. If you’re meant to die at a certain time, it happens. The only thing telling her would’ve done was change the timeline of how things happened. If things change like that, I can’t see anything.”

“How are you ever able to tell the future again if that happens to the timeline?”

“It’s like a ripple in a pond, it eases eventually. How long it takes depends on how big the thing was that caused it, you know? I don’t do it or at least, try to not do it often. I need to see what’s coming, I’m not use to things bring unclear.”

“So, did you know I was coming with you?”

“Yeah, I did. I don’t know what would’ve happened to you if I did mess with the timeline.”

“Do you know everything that will happen? With us, I mean.”

“Yeah, I do. I only see the important things and no, I can’t tell you anything. If I tell you anything I’m not suppose to I know and it will mess things up for me.”

There was an abrupt slam on the table that both startled them. They looked to see a black, gloved hand on the table. A tall, rather handsome looking young man towered in front of him. He wore white glasses with black shades despite it being night. His hair was dark and slightly wavy. His lips were plump as well. He finally took off his glasses which revealed sharp eyes. He smiled at them.

“You’re a psychic?” He asked.

“This some American Horror Story shit.” Donghyuck leaned over to whisper to Cosimia.

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mcrmadness · 4 years

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I’ve been tagged a lot lately, which is awesome and I want to thank you all for that! :) To this one I was tagged by @charlotte-lancer.

Play time: List your five favourite movies and why, then tag some more players.

This is actually extremely hard question as I’m a massive movie freak. I watch so many movies and I pretty much watch anything that is not a) romantic movie b) romantic comedy or c) a horror movie. Thrillers are okay, but I don’t like movies that build up a certain tension. I have anxiety disorder of my own so I don’t need anything to add more fuel into it.

I also own so many dvds and blurays that I had to go and see my collection to remember what I even like and I still feel like there’s tens of movies that should make to the list but I don’t want to remove any of the existing ones because they should be on the list as well! But I will mention here 5 movies that mean something to me or that I have attached to for whatever reason, but I’d say only the first one in the list is actually the favouriteFAVOURITE movie, the rest are in just a random order. I’ll put this under the read more link as this is gonna be a veeeery long post!

Beetlejuice (1988) I am a fan of Tim Burton. I have seen his movies so many times and I love Danny Elfman’s scores especially in his movies. In fact, when I was a kid, Burton’s movies were always my fave ones but I was probably a teenager when I finally started to connect the dots and realized my favorites were always from the same man. And so were the scores too! This is also one of those movies from my childhood that I have seen so, so many times and I have called different Burton movies as my favourite movies but somehow I just always go back to Beetlejuice and then one day I just realized that hey, why do I even try to choose the one as this apparently IS the favourite one! So, this is my fave from Burton AND from all the movies I have seen.

And why? The humour is just perfect here, I live from dark humour and there’s so much of that in the movie! And I have also always been so fascinated by the idea of death not being permanent, makes my fear of death a lot easier. As you might know already, this movie is about a couple who die and become ghosts and try to survive with the family moving into their old house, trying to make them move out but failing. And I just LOVE how Burton has imagined what death is like! There is so much to see and I feel like I see something new every time I watch that movie and I just love it when movies or any media has so much details in it. And I have always been saying that if death is like the one in Beetlejuice (I said it for the third time now, whooooops), I’m really happy to die one day.

The Dark Knight (2008) This I just HAVE TO include into this list because of memories. I was 17 when this movie came out. I remember not being interested in the newer Batman movies at all but then one day I watched Batman Begins (2005) from tv and the last frame of that movie caused me to go crazy and I knew that the next movie would be even more interesting. Then it was confirmed that TDK will have the Joker in it and I’ve been a Batman fan since I was 7-8 years old and Joker has always been my fave villain from the Batman universe. I was watching the 60s tv show as a kid and I had seen Burton’s Batman (1989) many times before as well, and that movie also has the Joker in it.

A remember following the news of the movie so closely all the time and I remember the news about hem casting Heath Ledger, who was a new name for me but seemed very interesting for the role, but sadly passed away before the movie even came out. When the movie finally did come out, I was so blown away by Ledger’s work as the Joker that I still cannot decide who has been my favorite Joker of all times. But he’s at the very top of that list, for sure. And that whole movie was just the best thing the 17-years-old me had seen in a while that I actually did go to see it 3 times in the movies. I even drew kind of fan art of the movie and I had 2 TDK Posters on my walls, as well as 2 Joker posters on my walls and I still plan on hanging the Why so serious? poster to somewhere one day.

As a side note, I also like Christopher Nolan’s other movies a lot but TDK is definitely a favorite from them. I have seen almost all of his other movies and they all are really fascinating and interesting and I just love Hans Zimmer’s music and the combination is so perfect. I have to mention that my other favorites are definitely Interstellar (2014), The Prestige (2006) and Inception (2010).

Life of Brian (1979) I’m a Monty Python fan and this movie is yet again a part of my childhood. I have seen this movie millions of times and I never get bored with it and I never get over how funny the jokes are. I will laugh for the same jokes every time, no matter how many times I would watch this movie. My favorite scene is simply the one where Brian jumps into this pit and the man there starts jumping and finally notices the crowd and hides again. I cannot explain why, but I just find things like that way too funny :DDDDDDDDDD And it’s not even close as funny when I try to explain it, so look for yourself. I’m still losing it during that scene XD

And it’s not only funny, but it also has some really smart, hmmmm, perceptions of the world to it. I love that scene where Brian is trying to tell the people not to follow him because they don’t need to follow anyone and they’re individuals and should use their own brains, and these people just don’t understand a thing, they will just praise the ground under Brian’s feet no matter what he would say.

Breakfast on Pluto (2005) With this one I’m not exactly sure what happened with this one. I was just quitting my antidepressants when I saw this movie and I had just got all my emotions and ability to feel back so I don’t know if I fell in love with this movie because of my brain chemicals trying to get their shit together, or if I would have fallen in love with this movie anyway if I saw it some other time. But this one still gives me so strong reactions every time I watch it and especially the starting and ending music causes me so strong wave of happiness that I feel like exploding and I wanna cry from happiness. Oh and I watched that movie 3 times within one week back then. I feel like the antidepressant did have something to do with this.

Amadeus (1984) / Se7en (1995) / Donnie Darko (2001) / A Beautiful Mind (2001) / Joker (2019) The last one is actually impossible to name now. There’s so many good movies out there and I’m already leaving out some of the best ones. Some are classics and some are just movies from my childhood that I grew up with and attached to. TV was pretty much my biggest friend when I was growing up! So here’s a bunch of movies that I wanted to mention as they also tell a little bit of the movie genres as well. Shortly:

Amadeus - Another one from my childhood and it’s a biography film over Mozart. I don’t know why I grew to attached to this film but I feel like ever since I’ve had this need to rewatch this every once in a while. Because of this movie I get chills every time some of the Mozart music pieces used in the movie play somewhere. I don’t know if I like the music or if they just remind me of this movie. And for some reason, after seeing the movie millions of times, at the age of 9 or so I suddenly was so upset after a character’s death.

Se7en - I was bit older when I saw this (thank gods) and this is a good example of the type of thrillers I like to watch. And this movie’s plot is insane and it has one of the best endings to a movie that I know. I won’t say what kind of feelings it wakes up, but some very strong feelings. And this reminds of the fact now that I forgot to mention The Green Mile, which is also one of the best movies I know. Gosh this post is failing so badly already :D

Donnie Darko; A Beautiful Mind - Both have a plot that is wrapped around a mental illness. I actually like to watch movies about mental illness a lot, “Girl, interrupted” is also one of those movies that I like a lot. These movies are nothing like each other but both basically do a portrayal of schizophrenia. Donnie Darko is of course a bit more scifi and A Beautiful Mind is a biographical movie. I actually saw Donnie Darko for the first time several years ago, I was to school and watched it from Netflix and wanted to rewatch it so badly but it got deleted from Netflix and finally I was able to find it on a blueray and now it’s in my shelf and I love that movie.

Joker - This is definitely the best movie of the 2019 imho. Again, pretty much a movie about mental illness. I was bit afraid first that it would make the treatment of mentally ill people take a turn back(?) and would make healthy people be afraid of us instead of make them open their eyes, but I’m happy it didn’t turn out that way. But I feel like the people who got upset after the movie are actually relating to the groups attacked in the movie as maybe they finally (subconsciously?) realized what COULD happen in the world if things keep going like they’ve been going so far. But as a mentally ill person, I just got so attached to this movie. Plus I’m still a Batman fan whose fave villain ever is Joker and this was another great version and even greater portrayal of the character.

And that’s it, no more text. No idea if anyone found this even slightly interesting but oh well, I don’t care, it was still fun writing all that. And I’m so tired after this now that I don’t really have energy for tagging anyone but I guess I could tag at least someone or some people... let’s see... okay, @hanhan156, I’m gonna tag you! :D I have no idea if you watch movies and how often/many if so, but do this if you want! (And you tagged me so many times today so here’s something back ::D)

#tag games #mcrmadness' random stuff

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krreader · 6 years

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forever together.

pairing: min yoongi x reader fandom: bts warnings: teenage pregnancy ; unwanted pregnancy ; mentions of abortion ; language genre: angst ; fluff

summary: you thought the beginning was hard, but at least back then, you still had a husband you could rely on.

a/n: I almost didn’t give this one a happy ending, but then I was like: ‘people are going to kill me and I will have to write a part 2. but I actually really don’t have time for a part 2′ so I guess thank you university, you are the reason people get a happy ending for this story hahaha. I hope you like this, I actually really enjoyed writing it and I kinda like the outcome so.. yeah! enjoy!

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Having a baby when you're young is hard. Having a baby when you don’t have a degree, money or any kind of other support from anyone else is even harder.

Well, there was one that supported you..

Yoongi and you hadn't been together for too long when it had happened, maybe four months.

Four months and one stupid night that the condom ripped and you were both too stupid to think it wouldn't have consequences. Because let's be real, how often did pregnancies because of a ripped condom actually happen in real life?

Well, maybe you should have looked up a statistic, because two months later, you found yourself crying in the doctors office, Yoongi sitting next to you as he stared at the monitor where a small baby was currently moving around.

His baby. Your baby.

You both knew that the only two options you had were getting rid of it or raising it. It was either all or nothing.

Your families would be furious and you also knew that the possibility of them not supporting you in any way would be high, especially because you knew you would have to drop out of school to have the baby. You would not have a degree, you would not go to college, while Yoongi probably had to drop out as well if he wanted to earn money and support you two.

Truth be told, everything screamed to get rid of the baby.

Everything but that ultrasound picture Yoongi had been holding in his fingers as your head was resting on his shoulder.

“Everyone around us is telling us to get rid of it..”

“I know,” you had said, your voice laced with sadness as you thought back to the conversation you’ve had with your guidance councilor earlier that day.

She had straight up told you to get an abortion because your education was more important than a baby you wouldn’t be able to raise anyways. However this decision wasn't as easy as just 'getting rid of it and then it's done'. This decision would change your life forever, no matter what you'd do. Keep it and you’d be a mother. Get rid of it, you’d probably always be plagued with guilt.

“But.. there is this audition next month for an idol company.. if I could get in there.. if I could become an idol, I could easily support us. The three of us.”

There was the next problem. His dream of becoming a producer. His dream of becoming a rapper. His dream of making it big in the music industry and sharing his music with the world.

You had slowly sat up straight, Yoongi turning his head right away, “If you become an idol.. then there is going to be a point where me and the baby will become a burden, Yoongi. Maybe you'll even leave us when you actually do make it big..”

“Hey, stop this,” he put his hand on your cheek and turned your head back to look at him when you wanted to look away, “I will never leave you. You hear me? Never!”

“Maybe you should.. I'm the one that's pregnant after all, not you. We still haven't told our parents so.. they don't have to know about this baby. That it’s yours, I mean..”

“You think I'm just going to leave you, even though you're pregnant with my child? I'm young and I'm definitely not mature enough to be a dad, but I'm owning up to it. I would never leave you,” and to make it more clear to you that he actually meant every word he had said, he had come up with a glorious plan that also made the decision on what to do regarding the baby an easier one, “Come on.. let's go to the mall.”

“Why?”

But he had simply pulled you up with him and had walked with you hand in hand to the mall, walking into a jewelry store that looked way too expensive for two teenagers.

The employee had seemed to think so as well, looking Yoongi up and down, before he approached you with a fake smile.

“Can I help you?”

“Uh.. yeah.. what's the cheapest ring you have?”

“What are you doing?” you had asked with furrowed eyebrows as he had followed the employee, showing him the cheapest ring they had to offer (which was still fucking expensive, to be honest).

However, Yoongi had saved a bit of money. Initially he had wanted to spend it on music equipment but he knew that from now on he needed to put other things first. Other people..

..starting with you.

“No, Yoongi, this is too expensive..”

“Here,” he handed the employee the money with a small smile, before he got down on one knee without thinking twice about it, the entire store going absolutely mental over how cute it was, “I'm not going to leave you, (Y/N). Instead, I'm going to marry you. And I don't care what the rest of the world says, I want to be the father of your baby, of our baby.. and your husband,” he grabbed your right hand with a small smile, suddenly becoming a bit bashful, “So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, do you..-”

“I do,” you said before he could even finish the sentence, having made your decision the second he had dropped to his knee.

It would be hard, but it would be worth it. You just knew it.

All of that was almost seven years ago now.

Seven years ago since Min Yoongi, a teenager who had no money, no influence and no idea of what he was doing in life, proposed to the girl he had accidentally knocked up, because he hadn’t wanted her to be alone.

Seven years ago, since you, a teenager who, also, had no money, no support and not the faintest idea of what was required to be a mother, said yes to the guy that would be the father of her child, because despite all, she actually did fall in love with him.

And looking back at it, the problems you two had in the beginning were horrible.

Not only did you have parents that didn't support you, but you had no place to live anymore after they had thrown you out, no money and no idea on how you were supposed to raise a baby when having none of these things.

It was when you were almost due, that Yoongi managed to make it into BTS. And even if he wasn't big in the beginning, he at least managed to provide a roof over your heads.

And let me tell you, having the smallest apartment in the universe and having so many people share a room with each other, while a woman with an infant was living there as well was not cool at all.

The boys were surprisingly chill about it, they actually loved your daughter and even the BigHit staff did. True, they hadn't been too excited when they had found out that Yoongi had been hiding a secret wife and kid from them, but your little bean was an angel and she managed to charm them all in the end.

Nowadays, the struggles you were having wasn't about money anymore. It wasn't your living situation anymore and it wasn't your non-existing parenting knowledge that worried you.

It was the fact that with BTS' gaining popularity, you, nor your daughter, had seen Yoongi for over a week. And this wasn’t the first time. This was happening more and more.

And while you could deal with it, Soojin was still a little girl. She didn't understand why her father didn't kiss her goodnight anymore. She didn't understand why he didn't wake her up anymore or why he didn't watch her favorite shows with her anymore. To her, it seemed like her father didn’t love her anymore. Like she had been bad and now he was punishing her..

And so after you had dropped her off at school, you had finally had enough and entered his studio unannounced.

Yoongi turned around, a surprised and worried look on his face, “Is Soojin okay?”

“Apart from the fact that she's been crying for five days straight because you haven't been at home once? Sure. Fantastic,” you crossed your arms in front of your chest.

“It's comeback time,” he turned back around to his computer, “I told you it's busy.”

“Yeah, but you have a kid waiting for you at home, Yoongi. Do you know what she does every single day? She sits in front of the door and waits for you to come home. And every time you don't, she ends up crying..”

He brushed his hands over his face, but quickly shook his head, trying not to think about his crying daughter and instead try to focus on what was in front of him.

“I'll try to come back soon, I promise,” but when he wanted to put his headphones back on, you completely lost it and grabbed them out of his head, nearly throwing them against the wall. Luckily, you had only hit the couch backrest and it had a soft landing.

“You've been promising things for the last month and you’ve never kept them! Not once! What about the performance she had at school that you missed because of comeback? What about the parents evening that you promised me you'd come with me, but didn't because of comeback? What about the fucking weekend trip you've promised Soojin for months, but didn't deliver, because of fucking comeback?”

“So you want to do this, huh?” fine, he had bottled up feelings too, if you wanted to scream at him, so could he, “Do I have to remind you who feeds you two? Who literally built everything for this family, so that you and our child can live comfortably?! Do I have to remind you that it was me that always made sure you and our daughter went to bed with a full stomach? And now this is what you say to me? That I'm the villain, because I'm working my ass off for this family?!” he had since gotten up, staring into your eyes as angrily as you stared into his.

“That's not the fucking point, Yoongi. The point is that you keep making our daughter promises that you can’t keep. That you're her hero, and yet you continuously let her down! She cries every fucking night, because you're not there with us. She cries every damn time I come and pick her up from school, because you're too busy playing superstar, while you have a wife and kid sitting at home waiting for you. She cries every time that I cry, because I can't do this fucking bullshit anymore,” you ended up sobbing halfway through, one hand at your waist while the other was rubbing over your forehead, “I told you this was going to happen.. I told you, one day you wouldn't want us anymore.”

Yoongi had been angry before, genuinely, but seeing you break down because of this.. because of him.. it made him hate himself. Because as much stress as he had, what he hated the most was not being able to be the father and husband you deserved. The father and husband he once used to be.

He knew he had once said he had to get his priorities straight, but now his priorities had shifted and you and his daughter were not his number one priority anymore.

And that broke his heart as much as it broke yours.

He wanted to reach out to you, touch you, comfort you and tell you how sorry he was, but the second he raised his hand, the door got opened and none other than the boss man himself walked in, who had decided that Yoongi should be a part of BTS.

“Yoongi, did you..- Oh. (Y/N).”

You turned your head to the side and quickly wiped away the tears, before you faked a smile at Bang, “Sorry. I didn't mean to distract him from his important work. I'll just get going.”

“(Y/N),” he tried to reason with you, but you had already grabbed your bag and walked back out, leaving a sighing Yoongi behind that fell back down onto his chair.

“What was that about?” Bang asked, concern clear in his voice.

“Remember when you once told me that there would be a day when I wouldn't be able to handle it anymore? Having a family and being an idol?” he turned his head and looked at the picture of you and his daughter on his desk, both of you smiling happily back at him, “That day has come.”

“Soojin.. dinner's ready,” no answer, “Soojin..,” again, no answer. So with an annoyed sigh, you walked into the living room, looking around for a bit before finding her where?

Exactly where you had expected her to be.

“Sweetheart, your father won't be coming home today.”

“But he promised, mommy. He promised when we talked on the phone earlier.”

Yeah, he's making a lot of promises these days. You doubted he’d keep this one.

“Come on, the food will turn cold, otherwise,” you walked over to her and wanted to pull her up, but that was the second that the door unexpectedly got opened and the one you had not thought to show up today really did show up.

“I KNEW IT!” Soojin beamed from ear to ear as she jumped into her father's arms, Yoongi immediately dropping everything to pick her up and cradle her head against his chest, “I knew you'd come, daddy!”

“Sorry I'm so late.. traffic was horrible..”

But you weren't as excited as your daughter was, he could see that.

It wasn't that you weren't happy, it was just that you had this feeling he would leave again in an hour and your daughter would be disappointed again. That was your biggest fear nowadays. Seeing her disappointed and sad. There was only so much you could handle..

You couldn't remember when the last time was that you all had dinner together, but apparently it's been a while, because Soojin did not stop talking. Not even for a second. Not even when you started clearing the table after dinner was over.

As soon as you were in the kitchen, she lowered her voice, so that you wouldn't overhear her, “Mommy cried a lot last week, daddy..”

“She did?”

“I think it was because of you.. she called grandma over and then she just cried.. and then I cried too, because I don't like to see mommy cry.”

Yoongi turned his head, looking at you doing the dishes.

He couldn't remember the last time he kissed you, or even just hugged you.

Why couldn't he remember?

Why had it been so long?

You were his wife, for god's sake. The one that gave him the most precious thing in the world, who was sitting next to him right now.

When was the last time he thanked you for that? Told you how much he loved you?

“Did.. mommy say something to grandma?” like, did they talk about getting a divorce? But he didn’t want to ask her that directly. He didn’t want to worry her unnecessarily.

“No.. but grandma said that you don't love her anymore. And then I told grandma that that's not true, because I know you love mommy and me.. and I know you can't be here because you have fans that are like family to you.”

Like family.

But not actual family, like his daughter and wife were.

Why did he not prioritize you anymore? He used to..

“Love, why don't you pick out a book that I can read to you and I'll talk to mommy for a second?”

She nodded and got up, but midway to her room, she turned back around and smiled at her father, “Daddy?”

“Hm?”

“I'm still proud of you. Every day,” and with that, she happily ran into her room to do what her father asked her to do and he only felt ten times worse now.

She shouldn't be proud of him when he was neglecting her so much.

She deserved so much better.

She deserved the father he was in the beginning, when he still had time for her. When he tucked her in every night and held her when she needed him. When he could easily drop everything and just be there for her.. but now.. god, it was just so hard now to be that man for his beautiful girl.

Nevertheless, quite slowly, he walked into the kitchen and carefully wrapped his arms around you, as if he was scared you would push him away.

Which you did.

“(Y/N), I don't know what to say besides I'm sorry..”

“Then don't say anything,” you closed the dishwasher and put the kitchen towel onto the counter.

“This isn't easy for me either, you know? Knowing that I have you two waiting for me at home. It makes me want to rush my work and then it ends up being shitty and..-”

“So you're blaming your family for it, is that it?” you turned around to look at him, an unimpressed look on your face.

“I'm blaming myself for it,” he said honestly, trying another attempt at being close to you, but this time, only by taking two steps towards you and closing the distance just a tiny bit. Baby steps, “Nobody expected Bangtan to come this far. Nobody. And we're doing things that nobody before us has done and we're reaching for stars that nobody has reached for before us. We have so many dreams that we want to achieve.. we have so many things we want to accomplish and you and I both know if just one of us goes, then it's over for BTS.”

“Every day you walk out of this door is a day closer to the one you're fully going to leave us, Yoongi. And I know you don't see that yet, but I do.. I can feel it..-” you tried blinking away the tears, “I once told you that you would leave me and that feeling never left. In fact, it's now stronger than ever. And the worst thing is, I don't know if I want to fight for something that's already broken..”

That hit him hard..

..to hear you say that you thought your family was broken. But probably only because he knew, deep down, that what you were saying was true.

But even if you wanted to give up and not fight for it, he wanted to. He wanted to fix this and convince you that it could be fixed.

“You always forget what I promised you once,” he hesitantly reached out for your hand and put it in his palm, pointing at the engagement ring on your finger, “I will never leave you. Because.. because despite all, I still love you.”

“I used to believe you when you said that,” you smiled sadly, “But now I know you're only saying that because this,” you raised your hand, meaning your engagement ring, “is the one promise you don't want to break..”

But before you could walk away, he grabbed your wrist and just.. kissed you.

He kissed you because he felt like he had to show you that he meant what he had said. That he still loved you with all his being and that he still wanted to be with you for the rest of his life. But he also kissed you because he just missed you so damn much. Just as much as you missed him. He wanted to be close to you again and feel you against him like this. He wanted to hold you in his arms again and feel your heart beating against his chest..

And you didn't know whether it was because of the heartbreak you had experienced these past weeks, or because you had just yearned so much for a kiss or a touch, but you let him, tears now streaming out of your eyes and ultimately being the cause for him stopping the kiss, his forehead still being pressed against yours though and his arms now being around your waist, holding you tight, as if he was afraid you’d go again.

“I will never let you go, (Y/N). I will never let our daughter go. And I will always be with you, even if I can't be here all the time. As soon as comeback is over, I'll be here, every single day. I don't care about dance practice or anything else, I will be with my family and I will stay with you for as long as they let me. And even though you already have one..-” he got down on his knee just like he had last time, opening up a box with a ring he had picked up on his way here that was way more expensive than the one you wore now, just because now he could afford good quality, “I'm promising you just like I promised you last time. This isn't a marriage proposal, but this is me telling you that I'll never leave you. Ever.”

You didn't say anything right away, not like last time.

But you still smiled a little and even more so when your daughter suddenly came rushing in and said: “IF YOU DON'T WANT TO MARRY DADDY, I WILL!”

Both you and Yoongi choked out a laugh that was mostly filled with tears by how emotional you both were.

But tonight was the first night in a long time, that all three of you were lying in your bed and holding each other.

And for the first time in ages, it felt like everything would be okay again.

Like you'd manage, somehow.

You always had and you always would.

As long as you were together.

#bts imagine #bts x reader #min yoongi x reader #suga x reader #min yoongi imagine #yoongi x reader #yoongi imagine #suga imagine #bangtan boys #bts #bangtan sonyeondan #min yoongi #suga #yoongi #reader #requests

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glassbangtan · 6 years

Text

I’ll Protect You {Min Yoongi}

Words: 11k

Summary: You and Yoongi were the most unlikely of pairs, which was why you decided to keep your relationship on the down-low for now. Whilst Yoongi and you basically ignore each other during school hours, Yoongi is left in the dark about the struggles you've been dealing with whilst he is pretending not to know you.

Genre: angst

Notes: masterlist

---

“In here. In here.”

You could barely hold back your bark of laughter as Yoongi pinched your side, shoving you into the empty staffroom with an eagerness that had very clearly been building up for hours now.

His hands were all over you as soon as the door was kicked closed, his body clashing with yours so your back was pressed against the far wall, his hands running up the length of your torso before finding purchase on your jawline, where he held your head still so his lips could continue their assault on your own.

You didn't care. You were just as dazed as him, kissing him back with just as much ferocity as he was kissing you. You didn't care that the door was unlocked, that a teacher could walk in at any given moment and see you – Y/N L/N, grade-A student – making out with the schools renowned bad boy, Min Yoongi.

It had been like this for months now. You and Yoongi had been partnered up for an English project, and at first, you had been dreading it. He was Min Yoongi, known for being a bit of a menace, a brooding teenage boy who did nothing more than make music in the back room of the music department. He had an attitude problem, anger issues, was constantly getting in fights with both elders and students alike.

But he had been much, much sweeter than you had originally thought.

The weeks you had been partnered up for the project were weeks filled with events you would never forget. Yoongi making you laugh, Yoongi smiling that gummy smile, Yoongi looking at you with an amused grin on his face whenever you were busy scribbling down the notes you needed for the project you were both busy working on; he had even made an effort with the school work, insisting he didn't want you to do it on your own.

And then, the day before the project was due to be handed in, he had kissed you.

Since then, you two had been in a relationship; a very secret relationship.

It was okay, though. It was easier keeping things hidden; less hassle, and neither of you had to deal with the shocked expressions that would surely follow you down the hallway if word got out that the two of you were dating.

Now, it seemed as if Yoongi had missed you during the school day. All day, you had been bombarded with classes. It was exam season, and you were spending the majority of your free time in the library, studying. This also meant that you had very little time to see Yoongi outside of school.

“I haven't seen you-” He pressed a kiss to your neck. “-in weeks. Where have you been?”

He attached his lips back to your jawline after asking the question, causing your eyes to flutter closed and your back to arch in response to his soft lips on your skin.

“Studying,” you croaked out. “Which is just what you should be doing.”

Yoongi chuckled darkly against your neck, swiping his tongue over the spot he had just finished assaulting. “I've been studying, don't worry. But I need a break – and this is the perfect stress reliever-”

“Yoongi!” you hissed, immediately catching on to what he was saying. You pushed him away then, making him stumble back with a shocked expression on his face. “We are not having sex in the staff room! We shouldn't even be kissing in here.”

Yoongi frowned, running a hand through his black hair which was now sticking up in all directions due to your fingers which had been running through it only moments before. “Are you serious? I haven't seen you in ages!”

“We had dinner last weekend,” you reminded him.

“Dinner isn't going to relieve my exam stress,” he grumbled, folding his arms over his chest and putting on that pouty face that he knew full well completely broke you down any time you saw it.

You rolled your eyes, pushing off of the wall he had pushed you against and striding towards him. He watched you with slightly widened eyes, pulling his lip between his teeth in a most attractive fashion that always made you feel like the only person to ever walk the earth.

You wound your arms around his neck and tugged him down, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. He sighed against them, reciprocated the kiss just as gently. He knew you weren't going to strip for him in the middle of the teachers staff room, and he respected your decision. That was one thing about Yoongi that had originally surprised you; he was respectful. Although his temper was often short, he never purposefully did anything to hurt anyone.

You pulled away and smiled at him. “After exams are over and the holidays have started, we can do whatever we want, wherever we want,” you whispered. His breath hitched in his throat, a low growl emitting from his chest.

You let your hands fall to your side. “But until then, I need to go and study. Text me if you need me.”

You could hear Yoongi groaning with impatience as you skipped towards the door, a smile appearing on your face.

---

As much as it bothered you, school wasn't just running around and making out with your secret boyfriend – there were other people around, as well.

Some days were easier than others. Some days, you would be so caught up in trying to keep your straight-A track record that you wouldn't even stop to give the other kids the time of day. Some days, you were able to merely rush past them in the halls, hiding your face with the armful of books you were hauling between lessons.

But some days, your willpower was shorter, and your emotions were higher, and every little thing yelled at you burrowed itself into your brain and didn't leave you alone until somebody else came along and said something worse to overrule the thing that was originally bothering you.

Yoongi didn't know about any of this. You hadn't told him, hadn't wanted him to worry about you. You were almost eighteen years old – you should have been able to handle the hollerings on your own, should have been able to turn around and tell the students to fuck off. Or, you should have at least been able to ignore them without getting your feelings hurt.

Exam season was the worst. Already your emotions were running ragged, and there was very little you could do about it. You were functioning off of cups of coffee, your hands constantly trembling both with caffeine intake and stress. This meant that the comments of the other students hammered into your head a lot easier and a lot worse than any other time throughout the year.

You kept your head ducked down. Your lip was clenched between your teeth, books bundled in front of you to try and obscure your face even more; but they could always spot you. Somehow, they could always see you clambering down the hallway, no matter how hidden you thought yourself to be.

“Hey! There she is!”

You winced, bunching your shoulders up as Shuling's teasing jesters rang out across the hallway.

“Y/N! Y/N, wait up!”

It didn't take long for her to catch up to you – Shuling was the worst culprit for making your day an absolute mess. She was from Taiwan, and almost as soon as she had seen you on her very first day, she had used you as an anchor. She had seen everybody else making fun of you, and thought the only way to fit in as the new exchange student was to hop on the band wagon and join in – only she took things a little bit far.

It was every time she saw you. There was no pause, not one day where she had seen you scuttling between classes and thought it was only best to leave you alone – just for a moment. No. She took every single chance that came to her to make your life a living hell, and you still tried to be as kind to her as possible. In your head, being kind was the way to make them stop. It had only worked a handful of times, and you were still suffering with the bullies, but you could never bring yourself to say anything mean to them. It felt like stooping to their level, which was the last thing you wanted.

So now, you glanced up at Shuling and forced a tight smile onto your face. “Hey. How are you this morning?”

“I've been good,” Shuling replied, eyes darting around as if inspecting what you were holding. “No coffee today?”

Another habit of Shuling's – taking your morning coffee off of you and drinking it for herself.

“I was saving my money for the cafeteria,” you told her. “So I skipped the coffee run this morning.”

Shuling raised a thin eyebrow. “Well, that just won't do. I'm thirsty. I was relying on you to bring me my energy to get through the day.”

“I'm sorry, but I want to buy-”

“Are we really gonna have an argument in the middle of the hallway, Y/N?” Her voice had lowered to a mere growl; it amazed you how a woman could sound so terrifying, despite her petite stature.

You glanced at her out of the corner of your eye, swallowed thickly. “I don't want to argue.”

“Then get me my coffee,” Shuling scoffed, as if the solution was the most obvious thing in the world. “Put your books in your locker and go. We have ten minutes before first class starts, so you might want to go at a bit of a run.”

It shamed you. You felt weak, felt awful as you tossed your array of books into your locker, turned back and headed towards the school cafe, your pace quick. You hadn't been lying when you had told Shuling that you wanted to save your money for the cafeteria that day, but you truly felt as if you had no choice – one day without lunch would do you no harm. You'd just make an extra large dinner whenever you got home, and it would all be okay. Shuling would be kept happy, and you would be fine.

And so, you bought Shuling her coffee.

“Do my eyes deceive me?” a voice sounded out behind you as you waited for your beverage to be made.

You turned on your heel, heart immediately doing somersaults whenever you spotted Yoongi and his friends approaching from one of the back tables. Yoongi kept to the back of the group, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his grey hood pulled on over his red beanie, but you could see his eyes flicking up to look at you every now and then as you spoke to Jimin, who was at the front.

Yoongi's friends were never mean. Despite their reputation, they had never been anything but kind to you, even though none of them knew about you and Yoongi being together. You had grown up around most of them, and although you wouldn't label them as friends, they still managed to make you smile whenever you needed it.

“Is Y/N L/N actually at the cafe five minutes before first class?” Jimin teased, poking you in the rib. “What's gotten into you? Do I need to have a word with your parents?”

“No,” you replied, smiling shyly. “I forgot to get my coffee today and thought I should spend my free time restocking on the caffeine.”

“Even if it means not being in class ten minutes early?” Taehyung chimed in.

“I'm sure Mr Lee won't mind,” you chuckled. “And I'm guessing you boys are getting plenty of studying in whilst waiting for the bell to ring, hm?”

Yoongi's lips twitched into a slight smile, but he hid it by looking away. You couldn't help but feel a small sense of pride; it was a game the both of you always played – trying to make the other one break in front of everyone. You knew Yoongi loved it whenever you got along with his friends – although he never admitted it, the six boys that surrounded him were closer to him than family. Seeing you get along with them, as he had told you on multiple occasions, was something that meant a lot to him.

“Oh, yeah,” Hoseok said sarcastically. “I'm ready for these exams, I think. Hell, I could take one right now and pass. Watch me.”

“Easy now,” Jungkook said, placing a hand on Hoseok's shoulder as the dancer started getting excited and jumping up and down on his heels.

“Coffee for Y/N L/N?”

You turned, smiled at the student who was working over the counter and slid the remainder of your pocket money into her outstretched hand. She thanked you, and you took your coffee off of the counter before turning back to the awaiting group of boys behind you.

“I should get going,” you said, taking one final glance in Yoongi's direction; he looked suspicious for some reason. His eyebrow was raised, lips thin as his eyes darted back and forth between the coffee you had just taken and the cashier, who was now putting the remainder of your money into the cash machine.

Shit.

Yoongi knew you had just spent your lunch money. He was bound to be suspicious; he knew that you were wiser than that. He knew that you would never spend your last few coins of lunch money on a coffee.

Quickly, you flashed the boys a grin, said your final goodbyes and walked out of the cafe. You would spend your class time trying to come up with an excuse as to why you had spent your lunch money, because there was no doubt in your mind that Yoongi would be curious to know; he worried about you, despite how little attention he paid you whenever you two were in public.

---

You could only hope Shuling was happy.

Of course, you had been three minutes late for your first class. Shuling and her friends had decided to hide in the girls bathroom rather than standing by their lockers, like they had promised. You had spent those three minutes frantically searching the hallways for her, her coffee growing colder and colder with every passing moment. You knew she would never take the coffee if it went cold, but whenever you had found her at last, she had taken a sip of the beverage, grinned and sent you on your way.

You had been scolded by Mr Lee, but nothing more than that. Those were the perks of being a good student – you had a few extra chances still to cash in, and today you had used one of them.

The entire lesson you were pondering on what you would say to Yoongi; that look on his face whenever he had seen you hand over your lunch money to the cashier was unmistakeable – he knew something was up. Once he grew suspicious, there would be no backing out. You would have to explain the copious amount of bullying you had been dealing with for the past few years, and that conversation was surely going to be an unpleasant one.

As much as you loved Yoongi, his temper was non existent. If he were to find out you had been getting bullied, that people had been genuinely taking your lunch money, he would be infuriated. He wouldn't hold himself back, and it would put him at more risk of being expelled – a threat which had already been handed to him on multiple occasions.

No. You would have to keep him out of this. You would go on pretending like everything was fine, and then you would leave school and would never have to look back at the hell-fire you had left behind.

It was these thoughts that were the only thing pulling you through the rest of the day. Classes rolled on, homework was assigned, the stress piled on until, eventually, the lunch bell sounded.

Usually one of your favourite times of the day, it now seemed pointless to get excited. As you stuffed your hand in your empty pocket, looking desperately for at least a bit of change you could give over to the cashier in exchange for some food, you realised just how pointless getting your hopes up truly was. You had spent your last coins on coffee – you had done so willingly. You had been the one to walk up to that counter and ask for the coffee, had been the one to hand over your money in exchange for a beverage you didn't even end up drinking.

You hollowed out your cheeks and sat down at a small round table in the corner of the cafeteria. People bustled past with food stacked high on their trays, making your stomach growl in anticipation for when you got home and were going to be able to eat something. Your breakfast had consisted of a yoghurt and a single banana – you most definitely hadn't been filled, meaning your hunger was at an all-time high now that you were deprived of lunch.

Slowly, you set your head against the table and sighed into the small enclosed box your arms had now made.

“You don't look too energetic.”

Your head snapped up, neck burning with the suddenness of your movements. You winced, rubbing the sore spot as you looked up to see Yoongi's friends all standing over you again – a hint of confusion ruffled through you. It was rare they spoke to you so often on a normal day. Had something happened?

You sighed and let your head fall back onto your arms again. “Go away, please.”

Seokjin laughed, being the first one to slide a chair over and sit next to you. “Always so polite. What's wrong, little one?”

��Don't call me that,” you grunted. “I'm less than a year younger than you.”

“Still younger,” he grumbled, before placing a warm hand on the back of your neck. “Tell me what's wrong.”

All seven boys gathered around you – including Yoongi himself. You had yet to look up at him, too afraid to meet his knowing gaze. Now that he had seen you with no lunch, it was a guarantee that he was going to be well aware something was wrong. You weren't exactly in the mood to try and explain yourself at the moment.

“I'm just tired,” you replied. “All of this studying for exam season is taking it's toll on me, I guess. I've got no time for myself.”

Seokjin frowned, looking up at his group of friends. Seokjin was the oldest amongst them, meaning they were all looking at him for a response.

He looked back down at you and gently rubbed soothing circles into your neck. “And that means you can't have lunch?”

Shit.

“I've lost my appetite,” you grumbled.

“I find that very hard to believe,” Namjoon spoke up. “You're like Seokjin – you love food. And you can't just skip lunch, or else your brain won't be working right the rest of the day.”

“I'm honestly fine,” you insisted, finally looking up. You hadn't meant to, but your eyes immediately travelled to Yoongi who, once again, was situated at the back of his crowd of friends, gazing at you in a most subtle way beneath the beanie he was wearing.

Only this time, he didn't look away whenever your eyes met his. He continued to stare at you, his own eyes narrowed in questioning.

You looked back at Namjoon and put on a big, false grin that you hoped would hide the exhaustion and the hunger clawing at your system right now. “I'm fine,” you repeated upon seeing everybody's concerned faces. “I'll probably end up getting something later, anyway. I have a free period, so I'll pop up to the shop then.”

“Good,” said Hoseok. “We worry about you sometimes, Y/N. You work too hard.”

“Or you guys work too little,” you shot back, smiling playfully. Hoseok rolled his eyes, swatted your arm gently before he and the others bid their farewells and headed back up to the line of students awaiting food.

Yoongi followed them, but you could tell he wasn't satisfied with the answer you had given. Simply claiming you had no appetite had been a weak excuse, you were aware, but it was the only one your sluggish brain could come up with on the spot.

You ignored the glances he sent to you over his shoulder as he followed after his friends, instead choosing to duck your head back into your arms and let the despair take over.

---

“So are you gonna explain what happened at lunch today?”

You sandwiched your cellphone between your ear and your shoulder as you stirred the pot of spaghetti you were cooking. Yoongi sounded slightly off-put, as if the thought of you not eating lunch had been pestering him all day.

“I already told you,” you said. “I lost my appetite. It's what happens when I get stressed.”

“I've known you since first year, Y/N. I've literally seen you bring food into an exam. Don't tell me you lose your appetite whenever it's exam season.”

“Well these exams are important!” you exclaimed, voice higher than usual. “Or maybe I'm coming down with something. I don't know, Yoongi, but you don't need to worry, either. I'm making pasta right now. Listen.” You slid your phone away from your ear and placed the speaker over the hob for dramatic effect, letting Yoongi listen to the bubbles boiling from the pan.

You placed the phone back between your shoulder and cheek. “See? Bon appétit.”

“You're really gonna be the death of me. You know that, don't you?”

You chuckled, cheeks flushing red at the comment. “I know.” You added a final pinch of salt to your meal and started to drain it. “So, tell me, Mr Min. Why did you and your friends approach me so often today? Was it something I did?”

Yoongi went silent for a moment, as if pondering how to reply. You leaned against the counter, waiting for your meal to drain.

“I may or may not have spoken to them about you just a little bit,” he replied, making you stop dead almost immediately. He seemed to catch on to your reaction through your silence, as he was quick to try and redeem himself. “It wasn't anything obvious! They still don't know that we're – they still don't know we're together. But remember a few days ago when you wore your hair up in that messy bun?”

You grunted. “God, please don't remind me. I hadn't slept the night before, and-”

“I saw you walking past and I don't know what happened, but I just started telling them how good you looked,” he continued. “So now every time they see you, I have to stop them from going over to you. They're just trying to tease me, that's all.”

You flushed, biting your lip. How you had once believed Yoongi to be a bad influence, somebody to ignore, was completely beyond you. His temper was short, sure, but he was the sweetest person you had ever had the privilege of meeting.

“But you're the quietest one whenever they come up to me,” you said.

“They think I'm just being shy,” Yoongi explained. “Little do they know, I struggle to bite my tongue when I'm around you. I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from flirting if I let myself talk.”

You grumbled. “Stop.”

He chuckled. “Alright, alright. I'll leave you to your cooking, Chef Ramsey. I have studying to do – talk to you tomorrow?”

“As always,” you replied. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you.”

And then the phone went dead. You stuffed your phone back into your pocket and leaned back against the counter, closing your eyes slowly; as soon as Yoongi's voice faded away, you found yourself feeling, once again, slightly unsafe. Like the weight was pressing back upon your shoulders, as if his voice had been the only thing keeping it away.

Maybe it was. Maybe Yoongi was the only thing keeping you sane during times like these; maybe he was the reason you hadn't completely broken down.

---

The next few days in school were made hell by the people in your year.

Although Shuling was most definitely the most prominent of abusers, there were other people who had it out for you. People who saw your silence and lack of social skills as an easy target; during exam season, all of them seemed to appear from the wood works in their attempts to get a jab in every time they saw you.

You scurried down the hallway faster than usual, pressing your notebooks and textbooks up against your cheek in any attempt to hide your face from the passers-by. It had gotten to the point where you no longer cared who it was; eye contact with anyone was risky, and so you avoided it at all costs.

You hadn't properly spoken to Yoongi since that day in the staff room. He spent the majority of his free time with his friends in the hallway, and you had long since stopped hanging around the lockers during your breaks. You instead either hid in the girls bathrooms, or huddled yourself in the library with a cup of coffee and your homework to keep you occupied.

It wasn't like you particularly enjoyed the isolation; some days, you wanted nothing more than to finish classes and head over to Yoongi, talk to him like how you always wanted to – but the idea of Shuling seeing you, the insults she would throw at you if she were to see you conversing with the school bad boy were too much to bare; seeing her at all was too much to bare, which was why you spent your breaks curled up in the corner of the library with a book on your lap, telling Yoongi everything was fine over text.

That was about as much as you and Yoongi could do during these busy months; texting and phone calls, the odd broom closet make out session whenever one of you was feeling particularly stressed out; but it was nothing more than that. Yoongi hadn't even come over to your house, too busy with his own studying to think of visiting you outside of school.

Today was no different from any other day.

You walked in the front doors, hood pulled on up over your head to give you that extra protection from the prying eyes of your fellow school mates. You darted down the hallway, avoiding eye contact with everyone, and quickly slid into your first class of the day – ten minutes early, as per usual.

Only this time, the classroom wasn't empty.

Today, the English room held one student who very rarely showed up early – in fact, he very rarely even showed up on time. He was always five to ten minutes late, so seeing him lounging back in the chair with his headphones dangling from his ears was quite a shock to the system.

You froze in the doorway, glancing around the small classroom with a look of apprehension and confusion on your face. Yoongi hadn't realised you had entered, his back to the door with his headphones blocking out any noise.

“Uh – Yoongi?” you called out, but he didn't even flinch.

Slowly, you set your books down on the edge of a nearby desk and approached the oblivious boy. You placed a hand on his shoulder, and he was immediately snapping up as if you had electrocuted him.

“Yah!” he exclaimed, spinning around in his chair with wide eyes. You couldn't help but burst out laughing, timidly covering your mouth to stifle the noise from the outside world.

Yoongi groaned at your reaction, plucking his headphones from his ears and placing them on the table. He didn't wait, didn't respond to the fright you had given him; instead, his hands were immediately reaching out and grabbing you by the hips, tugging you into him. You bunched your fists against his chest, still laughing even as he pressed a firm kiss to the top of your head.

“Good morning to you, too,” he grumbled.

“What are you doing here so early?” you asked, looking up at him as your laughter died down to little bursts of giggling.

“I wanted to see you,” he replied. “So I dragged my ass out of bed a few minutes early so I could catch you on time – it looks like I got here before you, though.”

“You're just such a good student.”

He smiled that gummy smile that you loved so much. “That's what it is. Now where's my kiss?”

You rolled your eyes before kissing him. It was only gentle, your fingers travelling up his neck and gently resting on the edge of his jaw. He shuddered beneath the feel of your fingertips, the feather light touch which seemed to please him so much. Whilst your hands were soft and gentle, his own were knotted in the back of your t-shirt, tugging you impossibly closer to him.

You savoured this moment, because you knew it wouldn't last long. It couldn't last long. This moment in itself was risky enough, but you found yourself not caring.

He pulled away first, smiling down at you playfully. “I really can't wait till exams are over and we can do this whenever we want.”

“Not in school,” you said, patting his chest before stepping away from him, wiping a hand over your now swollen lips.

He groaned. “Why not?”

“First of all, PDA annoys people,” you replied. Yoongi rolled his eyes at this, reached forward and pulled you between his knees as he sat himself up on the desk.

“And is there another reason?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Nobody knows we're actually a couple,” you said.

“We can change that. At least for the people who matter.”

God, how you would love for that to be the case; for you and Yoongi to be able to be together without the added accessory of hate that would surely accompany it whenever the news spread; you had Shuling to worry about, as much as you hated to admit it. She should have meant nothing to you, her opinion should have meant nothing, but the idea of adding fuel to an already burning fire was too much for you to comprehend right now.

But you nodded anyway, gently running your hands through Yoongi's hair. “Yeah. Maybe one day, babe.”

Yoongi sighed through his nose, leaned forward and pressed his forehead against your collarbone. Class would be starting in a few minutes time, and you found yourself dreading the idea of this moment being over.

You were so caught up in the moment in question that neither of you noticed or heard the sound of the door creaking open behind you. Not until she spoke.

“Oh, this is something.”

You were fairly certain your heart had frozen in your chest the minute you heard her voice bouncing off of the classroom walls.

You pulled away from Yoongi quickly, him falling forward as his forehead detached from your collar bone. He just barely managed to catch himself, his eyes darting up to look at Shuling who was standing by the door with an amused smirk present on her face.

You could feel your skin paling, could feel your hands tingling with nerves at your side. It was like the room was closing in around you, because she looked so pleased with herself. For once in her life, she had something to tease you over that didn't involve your looks, or your lack of social skills – now she genuinely had a rumour to spread.

This was it. This was the end of the tiny, tiny career you had managed to scrape from the bottom of the damn barrel. What little dignity you had left was soon going to be demolished, and it was all because you had been lost in the moment with the man you loved.

“What do you want?” Yoongi grunted, putting back on his bad-boy persona that only ever seemed to dip whenever he was around you.

Shuling looked up at him through her circular glasses and raised an eyebrow, as if asking him if his question was a serious one. “Sorry to be blunt, Min Yoongi, but I just walked in you two making out in the English classroom – quite scandalous, if you were to ask me.”

“Good thing nobody did ask you.”

You paled. “Yoongi, please...”

“I'm disappointed, Y/N-ah,” said Shuling. “And I'm sure Mr Jong will be quite disappointed as well. Not to mention shocked – you two are hardly compatible. I think most of the school will be shocked to find out.”

“Shuling, please don't do this,” you said. You felt Yoongi's eyes snap up to look at you, confusion very clearly lacing his thoughts. You had once been so ready to tell people about your relationship with him – at least, you had given off that illusion. Yoongi had always told you that he was ready to tell people whenever, that he didn't see an issue in telling people about the two of you – it was just something you two kept to yourself for now.

But now it seemed as if you were almost terrified of the prospect, and it wasn't because of Yoongi. It would never be because of Yoongi. You loved him, and he loved you, and there was nothing to be ashamed of when it came to such facts – it was how other people would react.

Call you self-conscious, but you weren't entirely sure you would be able to cope with any more rude comments being sent your way – not on top of the ones that were already there.

Yoongi wouldn't understand that. He didn't know about the bullying, because you hadn't told him, and you hadn't planned on telling him. To him, right now, you must have truly looked like you were ashamed of being his girlfriend, and that thought alone had tears springing to your eyes in seconds.

Shuling simply smiled at your plea, folding her arms over her chest. “There's nothing to be ashamed of, Y/N. He's hardly ugly now, is he?”

“Would you just piss off?” Yoongi growled, sliding off of the desk and pulling his bag onto his shoulders. “Your voice goes through me.”

Yoongi slid an arm around your waist, pressed a kiss to the bottom of your ear before he was walking past Shuling, a glare in his eye as he did so. Shuling merely grinned at him, didn't move as Yoongi gave you one last farewell smile and exited the room; he clearly didn't want to be in Shuling's presence any more than you did. He didn't know about your and Shuling's relationship, meaning he saw no issue with leaving you alone with her.

As soon as the door was closed behind Yoongi, Shuling's gaze snapped to yours and she started to clap sarcastically. “Little Y/N is getting more dick than I thought!”

You closed your eyes. “Shuling-”

“You could have told me, honestly,” the girl scoffed. “Somebody like Min Yoongi warming up your bed? God, the things people are gonna say!”

“Leave Yoongi-”

“I think I'll tell Mr Jong first – this is his classroom, after all.” She suddenly gasped, startling you. “Unless you and Yoongi have done it in other places around the school! Is your Mummy too strict? Does she not let boys sleep over, so you have to get it on in school? How scandalous!”

“Shuling, I'll do anything!” you exclaimed. “I'll buy you coffee for the rest of the school year, every single morning. I'll buy you lunch if that's what you want – I'll do your homework. Just please, please don't get Yoongi involved in this.”

“Why?” Shuling stepped forward, tilting her head. “Oh, that's right. Your little boyfriend is already on the watch list for being expelled, isn't he? If the teachers were to find out he was doing inappropriate things in the classrooms-”

“We're not having sex in school!” you exclaimed, before you flushed.

Shuling grinned. “But the teachers hardly have any proof of that, and from what I've just walked in on – well, you may as well have been going the full way. I'm only doing what's right.”

“Yoongi didn't do anything to you.”

“Yoongi is a god damn idiot,” Shuling snapped. “All he does is wade around school with his pack of idiot friends, making stupid songs because he can't get a real job. I'd be doing him a favour if I got him expelled – maybe then he'd spend more time trying to get a real hobby.”

Before you could say anything else, the bell rang, signalling the start of first period. You stared at Shuling in both shock and horror as she span on her heel, not even giving you a second glance before she darted out of the door to go and line up outside with the rest of the students.

Your hands were trembling. You were fairly certain there was sweat now soaking the collar of your shirt. The thought – the mere thought – of the horrors that were about to follow this very situation had you needing to sit down before you truly did collapse.

---

You ignored Yoongi as best as you could for the days following.

It was excruciating. Now that you were actively trying to avoid him, he seemed to be popping up everywhere. Now that he was aware somebody knew about your and his relationship, he no longer cared about the idea of being caught – every time you saw him, he would smile and wave at you in a way he had never done before; with fondness, no longer caring about who saw.

You didn't wave back to him, instead choosing to duck your head down and pretend you never saw him in the first place. You had set your bag down on the chair next to you during English class just to stop him from sitting beside you. You ate your lunch in the library rather than sitting in the cafeteria, where Yoongi and his friends were always chatting loudly to one another in the food line, or marching on tables as the teachers looked on in annoyance.

But it was always Yoongi who caught your eye, and he had on the exact same look every single time – absolute confusion.

He must have thought it was his fault you weren't speaking to him. As the days went on and you continued to ignore him, his eyes only got sadder, his frown growing deeper, the jokes he shared with his friends growing sparser and sparser – it killed you. It truly did hurt to see him grow sadder and sadder with the passing days, but it would only benefit him in the long run.

You knew you could have broken up with him, but that was the last thing you wanted to do. You loved him. It wasn't just a high school crush, a simple infatuation with the school bad boy – Yoongi had seen every side to you, and you truly struggled to imagine a life where he wasn't in it.

Breaking up with him would have been the best option, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. Perhaps, over time, with you ignoring him, he would choose to break things off himself. It would be difficult to bare, but it would be easier than doing the job on your own.

The fifth day rolled around, and that was when the rumours finally started to sprout.

Shuling had very clearly struck. On this particular morning, it wasn't just the usual group of bullies who you were trying to avoid – it was everyone. Every single person in the hallway, it seemed, were whispering about you as you barrelled down the hall in search of your first class – people snickered, called you Yoongi's 'play-thing.' You had no doubt in your mind that Shuling had exaggerated her recollection of what she had walked in on, made it seem like you and Yoongi were having a quickie in the middle of Mr Jong's classroom on a cold Monday morning.

You didn't see Yoongi at all that day. On the few occasions where you saw his group emerging from their different classes, Yoongi wasn't with them. His friends tried to speak to you on multiple occasions throughout the day, having clearly heard the news and wanting nothing more than to learn the truth, but you had scurried past them without even saying hello.

You couldn't talk to them about it. Not right now. Not with the entire school having their eyes on you.

“I bet she slept with Mr Jong, as well.”

“She's such an idiot for having sex with Min Yoongi. That guy is such a player.”

“I bet he's not in today because he's away shagging some girl behind the PE hall.”

The comments continued, only growing worse as the day went on. It got to the point where people were beginning to call you whore, as if the idea of sex was some taboo, disgusting concept to them. You very nearly rolled your eyes – you were eighteen years old. You could do what you wanted. You were a consenting adult, and Yoongi was somebody you loved and trusted with every fibre of your being – what was the issue?

Oh yes. The issue was, the people saying these things thought you and Yoongi had hooked up in a classroom, minutes before class was due to start.

“And we all thought she was the golden student...”

By the end of the day, you were completely exhausted.

You walked home amidst the yellings and teasings of people who didn't even know what they were talking about. As soon as you opened the front door of your house, saw your parents weren't home, you collapsed on the sofa and let every single emotion you had been bottling up explode into the pillow.

The tears poured from your eyes, silent sobs racking your body and making your shoulders shake. You didn't want to be too loud in case the neighbours heard – you weren't even sure why you cared so much. This was your issue – you just cared. You wanted to please everyone to the point where it was truly as if strangers were running your life rather than yourself.

You clutched the pillow close to your chest, gripping it tight as if in doing so, you could squeeze away everything that had happened today.

It seemed like hours had passed before the door to the house was being knocked upon. Your head peaked out from beneath the quilt you had dragged downstairs, eyeing the front door with concern – who could be visiting you right now? Your parents were at work, and they wouldn't knock in the first place.

Hesitantly, you stood up and peaked through the peephole.

Your heart was immediately ripped from your chest, and every single ounce of willpower you had been storing up crumbled.

You threw open the door, sobs already starting again as you tossed yourself into Yoongi's arms, just needing to feel his arms around you, just needing him to hold you.

He didn't even ask questions as he wrapped his arms around your waist, buried his head in the crook of your neck and held you close to him. You sobbed into his shoulder, not caring about the passers-by who were gazing at you and Yoongi with confusion – they didn't matter. Not right now.

Yoongi picked you up, letting you wrap your legs around his waist so he could carry you into the house. He kicked the door closed, gently placed you down on the sofa and stood over you with a concerned glint playing in his gaze.

“Where were you today?” you managed to choke out, lazily wiping your hands over your cheeks.

“I didn't – I didn't come in,” he replied. “I didn't see a point.”

“I missed you.”

“You've been ignoring me for days, Y/N.”

“I'm sorry.” You closed your eyes, the weight of the world pressing down on your shoulders. You had hurt him. You could see you had hurt him in the way he looked so exhausted right now, the way he looked as if he was torn between comforting you and screaming at you for ignoring him all this time.

God, he should have been screaming. He should have broken up with you ages ago – not to save you from the comments that had been hauled at you today, but because you had treated him so badly in an attempt to save yourself from the backlash that loving him brought upon you.

Yoongi sighed through his nose, folding his arms over his chest and looking down at you with that same, misplaced look of concern on his face. He should have been angry. Hell, he shouldn't have even been giving you the time of day.

“This whole thing with Shuling has really freaked you out, hasn't it?” he asked in a soft voice.

You nibbled on your trembling bottom lip. He didn't know the half of it.

Slowly, Yoongi lowered himself into a crouch in front of you. He rested his hands on your knees to balance himself, gently rubbed circles into your legs that comforted you more than he would ever understand.

“I know my reputation isn't that good,” he mumbled. “People go around and say I'm a player just because I'm a little rough around the edges, so I understand why you'd – why you'd maybe not want people to know that I'm your boyfriend-”

Your eyes widened. You opened your mouth to object, to tell Yoongi that you were in no way embarrassed of him, but he continued speaking before you could get a word out.

“But I want you to know that I love you, and I'm so proud to be able to call you my girlfriend – nobody knew I was going to do as well as I have done.” He smiled shyly, a blush rising on his cheeks. “I don't deserve you. Anybody with common sense can see that.”

“Yoongi,” you croaked out, a fresh batch of tears springing to your eyes again. “That's not why I ignored you. I didn't – I didn't ignore you because I'm ashamed of you. I'm not ashamed of you. At all.”

Yoongi frowned then, looking up at you with a heartbreaking look of confusion. “Then what is it?”

You swallowed the golf ball sized lump in your throat; he had gone out of his way to visit you, to make sure you were okay whenever you least deserved that kind of treatment. He had pushed away the fact that you had completely ignored him for the past five days, had put his love for you before anything else – you couldn't lie to him. Not any more.

And who knows: maybe he would help you in the long run.

The tears flooded your eyes once again as you inhaled deeply and looked down at him. Your voice cracked when you spoke, but you were too busy trying to think of what to say next to do anything about it. “I've been. . . I've been getting picked on.”

You winced. Picked on wasn't a strong enough phrase to describe it.

“For a few years now,” you added. “I can't really – I mean, I can't really walk down the halls without – without people making fun of me. Which is why I tend to hide in the mornings.”

Yoongi didn't say anything. He looked slightly shell shocked, his jaw clenched and his fingers gripping the material of your jeans a little tighter than before.

You swallowed again before continuing. “I knew people were gonna talk about us whenever they found out about our relationship, and I wasn't sure if I could handle any more scrutiny, Yoongi. I just couldn't do it – I was barely handling the things they were already saying. That's why – That's why I backed off. That's why I ignored you. That's why I was so adamant to keep us a secret. It was selfish, and I'm sorry if I made you think I loved you any less because of it.”

Yoongi reached up suddenly, cupping your face in his hands. You were startled; he didn't do this often. His eyes were boring into yours, and you could feel his hands trembling around your jaw as his thumbs jolted out and swiped the tears off your cheeks.

“It's okay. It's okay,” he whispered, over and over. “Tell me who it is. Tell me who's bullying you, and I swear to god I'll-”

“No, Yoongi, no,” you said, placing your hands over his. His breathing had become shallow, deep in his chest as he tried to suppress his anger. “Please don't do anything stupid. It'll only back fire on you.”

“How long has it been going on?” he asked you.

“Ever since first year. But it's okay. I'm okay. I can ignore them, and-”

“It's not okay,” he barked, startling you into silence. “Jesus, I didn't even realise! How could I not have realised?”

“It's-”

“It's Shuling, isn't it? Her and her little group,” he snarled, and you had never before heard such anger in his tone. “That day whenever you didn't get lunch – it was because of the coffee, wasn't it? She made you buy her a coffee.”

“She does it a lot. That's nothing I can't handle.”

“I don't care whether you can handle it or not,” Yoongi scoffed, suddenly shooting upright, his hands detaching from your face so he could run them through his hair. “She has no right to do that to you. I think I'm gonna have to have a little word with her-”

“Yoongi,” you groaned, reaching forward and grabbing his wrist. “I'm fine. I didn't tell you all this to get you riled up. I told you so there would be no more secrets between us, and now that those bridges have been crossed, we can forget about it.”

Yoongi shook his head. “I'm not forgetting about it. That bitch is making your life a living hell – she's the reason you don't even like walking in the hallways. It's about time she got put in her place.”

“And how are you going to do that? I know you. You won't hit a girl.”

“Oh, I don't need to use violence to get my point across,” Yoongi growled. You went silent then, could only imagine the type of comments that were already brewing in his head, ready to be thrown out to Shuling whenever he got the chance.

It took hours for Yoongi to finally calm down; hours where you refused to let him leave the house in fear of him stepping in front of a car in some uncoordinated rage. His head wasn't on right. He paced around your kitchen, running his hands through his hair repeatedly as you brewed him hot chocolate after hot chocolate in any attempt to get him to sit down and calm himself.

By the time it was growing dark outside, you had finally managed to drag him over to the sofa, where he pulled you into his chest and rested his cheek against the top of your head. His breathing was still shallow, anger still obvious in his demeanour, but he held you with that usual gentle grip that always made you feel safe and loved, no matter what the underlying tones to his mood were.

Eventually, you both managed to fall asleep, and it was like the world didn't exist for those few hours.

---

You and Yoongi walked into school together for the first time ever.

You weren't even nervous about people looking at you both any more – you were nervous about what Yoongi was going to do whenever he saw Shuling. Although you had made your apprehension towards him comfronting her very clear the previous night, Yoongi had never actually agreed to back down. In fact, he seemed to think you were only telling him not to because you were nervous.

And maybe that was the case, but you still didn't want him losing his temper; not whenever he was already walking on very thin ice with the school as it was.

You entered the hallways hand-in-hand. Yoongi had his hood on over his head, as per usual, but he walked with an air of confidence surrounding him now; one that most definitely hadn't been there before.

It was as if he was daring anybody to make a comment about the two of you.

His grip tightened on your hand to the point where he was basically dragging you through the crowded hallway.

“You're not gonna do anything stupid, are you?” you whispered.

Yoongi didn't respond, though you knew he had heard you.

“Yoongi-”

“There you two are!”

Namjoon and Hoseok came sprinting up to the both of you with panicked glints in their eyes. Yoongi froze in front of them, raising a brow in question. Namjoon and Hoseok spent a total of two seconds taking in the sight of you and Yoongi holding hands before they were bursting out into speech.

“Shuling Wo's been going around telling everyone that she walked in on you two having sex in the caretakers office,” Hoseok informed you. “We told her to come off it and to stop spreading lies, but she's sticking to her story.” Hoseok then leaned in, lowered his voice to a desperate whisper. “It's not true, is it?”

Yoongi growled, shoved Hoseok's face away from him. His hand was slipping out of yours before you could comprehend what he was doing, and he was marching away in seconds.

“Where is she? Where did you talk to her?”

Hoseok stumbled after his friend, whilst you and Namjoon lagged behind with looks of panic flashing upon your faces. Namjoon was most definitely the more mature person in Yoongi's group of friends, and you could tell he wasn't all for the hostility that was about to ensue – but you could also tell he wasn't about to put up with the rumours being spread around, either, which was why he didn't say or do anything to stop Yoongi from stampeding through the crowd of students.

“She was standing by her locker, just like she always is in the morning,” said Hoseok. “What are you gonna do? Go to a teacher? Get her suspended?”

“I'm gonna have a little chat with her,” said Yoongi, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

You struggled to keep up with them, nerves eating away at your stomach. You wanted to turn around and let him deal with her on his own – there was no way of persuading him to calm down – not now. Not whenever he was involved in the rumours being spread.

Hoseok laughed, turning around and giving you and Namjoon an excited grin that neither of you returned.

It didn't take long for the five of you to find Shuling. As soon as you saw her, your stomach flipped and you instinctively grabbed for Namjoon's hand – anything to comfort you, anything to remind you that you now had people on your side – for the first time in forever, you had people who wanted to protect you.

Namjoon didn't hesitate to squeeze your hand, giving you a comforting smile. “It'll be okay. He won't do anything too risky. He knows-”

“Oi! Shuling!” Yoongi yelled.

Your eyes widened at the volume. The usually quiet and mysterious demeanour of Min Yoongi had disappeared in an instant, leaving behind this yelling ball of rage who was barrelling towards a startled looking Shuling.

Despite the confident aura she had given off only a few days prior, you saw her facade drop as soon as she saw the anger raging in Yoongi's eyes.

“How about me and you have a little chat about some things you've been saying recently, huh?” Yoongi continued, not keeping his voice down. He stopped right in front of her, and you were shocked to see her friends genuinely cower away from him, as if finally catching on that they had perhaps gone too far by including him in their bullying.

Shuling didn't cower, though her eyes betrayed her. She could barely keep the eye contact with Yoongi, despite her quick tongue and sarcastic comments. “How nice of you to visit me this morning, Yoongi. Was the back room of the music block a little bit too stuffy?”

“I heard you had a little slip of the tongue,” Yoongi growled, ignoring her comments. “Now, why don't you explain to me what it is you've been telling people about me and Y/N. I love a good story in the morning.”

Shuling's eyes flashed. “What? About the caretakers office? Do you not remember?”

“Shuling,” one of her friends hissed, gripping her elbows. “Maybe we should-”

“No, no,” Yoongi interrupted, raising a hand to silence the girl. “I wanna hear what she has to say.”

Shuling's smile wavered. “If you're worried about whether or not I've told the teachers, I can assure you I haven't. I honestly don't know how word got around – I kept your secret safe.”

“There is no secret,” Yoongi snarled. “You're making it up to make Y/N look bad.”

“Why would I do that to precious Y/N? Look at her.” Shuling's gaze slid to you. “So innocent. Even if she is a little kinky in the bedroom-”

“Yoongi!” you exclaimed before he had even moved. You could just tell he was losing grips on his restraint, that he wouldn't last much longer if Shuling continued to talk in the way she was; acting as if she had done nothing wrong, as if the rumours she had spread were truth.

You broke free of Namjoon's grasp, pushed past Hoseok and wrapped your fingers around Yoongi's upper-arm. Once again, he was breathing deeply, his eyes never once leaving Shuling's.

You perched up on your tippy toes, lips brushing his ear as you said, “Don't stoop to her level. You're better than this. Just make your point, and go.”

Yoongi inhaled deeply, clenching his fists by his sides. You lowered yourself back to the ground and let your hand slide down his arm, tangling your fingers in his and gently stroking your thumb back and forth over his knuckles.

“I don't even know why I bothered to give you attention,” Yoongi finally snarled. “You're spending your high school years trying to make somebody else's life a living hell – that tells me so much more about who you are than who Y/N is, because I know Y/N. Even though you're going around and making her sound like the scum of the earth, it doesn't matter – because anybody with two eyes and common sense will be able to see that she's twice the girl you'll ever be. She doesn't pride herself off of hurting other people. She isn't a sick little bastard like-” You squeezed his hand. He cut himself off, taking a shaky breath before continuing. “Have fun spreading your rumours like a jealous four year old. I'll look forward to the day where it comes out you were lying, and Y/N and I can sit back and laugh at you for thinking you could outsmart karma.”

Hoseok was yelling in his excitement as Yoongi squeezed your hand, gave Shuling one last glare over his shoulder before he was dragging you back through the crowd. Namjoon and Hoseok skittered after the two of you, Namjoon even grinning from ear to ear as the crowd watched you all disappear back down the hallway.

You couldn't speak. No words were forming in your brain – it was simply white noise. The things he had said, the way he had said them with such confidence – it was truly that easy. You had seen the look of pure horror washing over Shuling's face as Yoongi's anger became prominent – for years, you had been trying to get her to leave you alone, and Yoongi makes one speech directed at her, and she's suddenly cowering in her boots.

Yoongi didn't say anything to you the entire way to first period; it was Hoseok and Namjoon's excited ramblings that filled the silence, but you found yourself blocking out their voices, instead choosing to concentrate on the silent man beside you.

---

Yoongi plunged his fork into the potato wedge on your plate. You sent him a glare.

He grinned at you playfully, chewing at the food. You couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of him; at least you were beside him. It was still weird to you, sitting beside him and his friends in the cafeteria with not a worry in the world over who would be watching you, who was judging.

It had been a week since Yoongi had confronted Shuling, and a week since the last time Shuling had said anything to you. In fact, she was even avoiding your gaze nowadays, refusing to look up from her locker when you walked down the hallway.

You were still shy, still quiet. Just because the bullying had come to a slow halt didn't mean you were going to be any less timid. You still tried to hide your face behind your stack of books, still struggled to raise your hand in class, still struggled to talk to new people.

But things were looking up. You had Yoongi, and you were genuinely starting to bond with the other six boys who treated you as more of a little sister than anything else – despite the majority of them being in the years below your own.

As Yoongi and you shared a plate of potato wedges, somebody tapped on your shoulder.

You turned around, eyes immediately widening at the sight of Shuling standing behind you. Yoongi froze at your side, dropping his fork onto the plate. You were quick to reach beneath the table, tangle your fingers in his own to stop him from doing anything irrational.

“Shuling,” you said, not unkindly. There was no point in being hostile – it wouldn't get you anywhere, and you were well aware that you were about as threatening as a new born puppy.

She sneered. “Y/N. I just came to tell your boyfriend here that he was right with what he told me a few days ago.” She inhaled, as if the words genuinely hurt for her to admit. “Karma will get to me, and I want to make amends – I'm an adult now, and there was no need for me to be as rude as I was.”

She nodded then.

You and Yoongi stared at her in silence, your jaw opening just a little bit. Even the tension in Yoongi's shoulders had deflated with the disbelief.

“Are you serious?” you said before you could stop yourself.

Years upon years of constant bullying was suddenly flashing through your mind. Memories of yourself curling up in the bathroom stall, crying into your knees over something this bitch had said to you – and now she was wading up to you with a half-ass apology, fully expecting you to forgive her for everything she had done?

You believed in forgiveness, in second chances, but you also believed in having the right to dismiss someone's apology whenever you didn't see it as sincere – especially if that somebody was apologising purely for their own reputation.

Chances were, people had found out she had been lying and now she was trying to patch things up in her attempts to keep her image crystal clean.

“Are you serious?” you repeated, more bluntly now. “You think we're actually gonna believe that? You're just scared Yoongi's gonna call you out in front of the entire school again!”

You heard Yoongi choke on air at the side of you. Shuling merely looked at you with wide eyes.

You rolled your own eyes, grabbed Yoongi's hand and stood up. You weren't sure where this new found confidence was sprouting from, but it was mixed with anger and disbelief that Shuling truly had the audacity to say such a thing.

Yoongi stumbled up, following you as you shoved past your ex-bully. He was laughing, laughed even harder whenever you slammed your shoulder against Shuling's in your attempts to get her out of your way. She stumbled to the side, a gasp escaping her lips.

But you didn't give her the time of day. You didn't even look back at her as you and Yoongi left the cafeteria together, Yoongi laughing the entire way into the hallway.

As soon as the door to the cafeteria closed behind you, you shook your head. “The nerve of her. Did you see her face? She genuinely thought we were just going to forgive her so easily!”

Yoongi shook his head, looking at you with a new glint in his eyes that you had never seen before; it would have made you flush had it not been for the anger coursing through you.

“The audacity,” Yoongi said, grinning from ear-to-ear. “I've never seen you get so riled up.”

You folded your arms over your chest. “Your speech from a week back must have inspired me to not take any more shit from people who think they're better than everyone else.”

Yoongi stepped forward, wrapped a protective arm around your shoulders. “No, babe. That was all you.”

And you grinned, despite yourself. You grinned, because Yoongi was beside you, and you had just stood up to a high school bully for the first time in your life.

Everything was starting to look up, and you had never before felt so free and confident to do what you wanted.

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