#it's set in boston because fuck u

[strawbvrriluv]

I LOVE THE CHRIS FIC I WONDER IF U CAN DO MORE OF THAT!!!

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢꜱ: ᴄʜʀɪꜱ ꜱᴛᴜʀɴɪᴏʟᴏ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ᴀɴ ɪɴꜰʟᴜᴇɴᴄᴇʀ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴄᴏʟʟᴀʙ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀɪᴘʟᴇᴛꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ ɢᴏᴇꜱ… ᴡʀᴏɴɢ?

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: ꜱᴍᴜᴛ, ᴘ ɪɴ ᴠ, ᴅɪʀᴛʏ ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ

(collab based on their recent youtube video)

꧁༺ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ༻꧂

Your POV

I sat in the backseat next to Nick as Matt set up the camera and pressed record. I hid my face in Chris’s seat as they did the normal introduction.

“Does anybody know why Matt was not at Tara Yummys Party for one-” Nick said looking at Matt standing outside the door as Chris interrupted him.

“Nick- Nick shut the fuck up. Only Nick buys himself a full box of chocolate such a Nick Sturniolo move”

Chris finished as Matt sat back down in the car grabbing a water bottle as Chris looked up at him.

“I really like the water bottle with nipples on it, feel like i’m sucking water straight from mother nature”

I put my hand over my mouth as I started to giggle at Chris’s statement as Nick gave me a look.

“I thought this was going to go so different” Nick said as Chris looked back at him smiling.

“Alright guys this car video is going to be things that.. We’re going to be talking about things that we find either really corny or really piss us off.. With a special guest Y/n!!”

Matt said looking in the review mirror as I popped out next to Nick. I waved my hands to the camera, “Hi everyone!!”

Chris looked back as we made eye contact, he smiled softly before replying to Matt. “Yep this is the perfect video for Nick.”

I smiled and looked at Nick, “Actually i’m feeling really positive recently and I have nothing negative-“

“That’s a lie” Chris said laughing at Nick’s statement. Matt got out his phone.

“Taking the last of something and leaving the box” as soon as Matt said that Nick pointed to Chris as he put his head down laughing a bit.

“Point to someone you know who does it” Nick said as Matt also pointed to Chris. Chris looked at his two triplets and pointed to Matt causing him to look at him shocked.

He grabbed his finger and they started “fighting” Chris moved his hand back to his chest.

“Ow are you serious?” Chris said holding his pointer finger.

“Why the fuck would you do that?” Chris said looking at his pointer as Matt looked at his finger too.

“Ok ok guys I wanna read one stop your sibling fighting” I said as they all looked at me. I took out my notes finding one of the things that piss me off.

“What pisses me off is when people rev their engines in a parking lot.

Like back when I was in high school so many guys who think they were the shit would do it. Like no.. You’re being loud and obnoxious”

I said as Nick gave me a high five nodding, “Exactly! Like that’s so gay” Nick said as I laughed my hand on his shoulder.

“Nick you can’t say that” Matt said as Nick rolled his eyes. “Yes I can” Nick said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

- After the Video -

“Thank you guys again for having me” I said smiling at the three of them.

“Oh it’s not problem you’re the one who bought a ticket to come to boston with us.” Matt said as I nodded along with what he was saying because it was true.

“I guess but you guys truly didn’t have to let me stay at your parent’s house.” I stated as Matt started driving back to the house as Chris shook his head.

“Our parents don’t care and plus you’re like a close friend now.” Nick said rolling his eyes at me in a sign of what I was saying was dumb.

Me Chris and Nick met at Tara Yummy’s party and we got closer ever since. As in talking and hanging out EVERY day.

“Okayyyy fine” I said putting my hands up in surrender as they entered the drive way of their old house.

“How do you like Boston so far?” Chris asked as we both got out the car, I looked at him after closing my door. “It’s actually really nice out here, I never knew that” Chris smiled softly as he put his arm around my shoulder. I smiled up at him as we entered the house.

Since it was pretty late already their parents were in their bedroom sleeping. I grabbed a water bottle and headed up to the guest bedroom where I was staying.

I laid down on the soft mattress and slowly began to fall asleep. About an hour later I got multiple text messages waking me up.

I sighed and sat up wiping my eyes to wake myself up more as Chris walked into the room. He was just in basketball shorts and a wife beater.

“Sorry for waking you up” Chris said softly closing the door behind him as he sat down on the bed looking at me with a small smile.

“It’s okay Chris” I shook my head as I yawned, I laid back down as Chris moved up laying next to me.

“Why can’t you sleep?” I asked moving to the side so I was facing the boy as he shrugged.

“I don’t really know.” I nodded and sighed understanding what he meant. He moved a piece of my hair as I looked into his eyes my cheeks flushing a bit.

“You’re so beautiful yknow that right?” He said quietly. I gave him a look as I furrowed my brows.

“Are you okay? Did you hit your head” I joked as he rolled his eyes softly before bringing me into a kiss.

I hesitated for a bit before I kissed him back. It felt perfect. It felt right.

He moved on top of me still kissing me my hands finding their way into his hair as I pulled on it slightly. He groaned moving his head to the crook of my neck kissing it.

His hands moved down lifting my shirt up as he lifted himself up to meet my face.

“Is this okay?” He asked as I nodded, he began removing my clothes looking at me in awe the whole time.

“You’re so perfect” He hummed against my skin as he removed his clothes grabbing a condom from his back pocket.

My eyes widened when he pulled down his boxers, his dick lifted and hit the lower part of his stomach pre cum dripping from it. He put the condom on before going back down to me.

He kissed me softly positioning himself to my entrance as he entered me. I gasped shutting my eyes, he was big enough to stretch me out.

“I’m sorry ma” He whispered not moving to let me get used to his size. I nodded letting him more as he began moving at a faster pace.

“Look at me please” Chris asked as I looked up at him, his face was flushed as he looked into my eyes. I moved to kiss him as we made out.

The sounds of our moans muffled from the kissing, he moved his around my ass in the air as he slapped it a few times.

He re-entered me as I screamed softly into the pillow to keep quiet, his hand holding on the back of my neck as he kept hitting my g-spot.

“Yes yes yes” I muttered as he hummed palming my ass.

“God you’re so tight aren’t you? So tight for me. You feel so good. You’re doing such a good job for me” He said his breathing becoming heavier.

I moved my hand down my body and onto my clit as I rubbed circles on it.

“Oh fuck ma yes” Chris muttered watching me please myself under him.

“I’m gonna cum just from watching you” He said his thrusts getting faster as I felt him twitch inside of me. I moaned rubbing faster as I clenched around him my climax coming.

“I’m gonna-“ I moaned loudly causing him to push my head into the pillow as I climaxed my body trembling and clenching.

“Oh fuck” Chris moaned cumming inside of me. His abs flexing as he closed his eyes biting his lip.

He moved down kissing my shoulder as he exited me everything slowly falling down from my cunt. I took a breath as Chris moved down and kissed my clit.

He licked my folds before sucking on it collecting our liquids together. He got up moved over to me and kissed me, we made out for a few minutes before we heard a knock on the door.

I quickly threw some clothes on as I opened the door, it was Matt.

“Are you guys finally done? Now shut the fuck up.” He said annoyed and tired as I widened my eyes. Chris called out to him.

“Sorry bro” I closed the door as Chris chuckled patting the bed next to him. I laid down next to him as he pulled me closer to him.

“Goodnight Y/n.”

“Goodnight Chris”

A/N - sorry this is so short 💔💔

[brighttears]

heyy bright 😁 so i’ve been realizing that i think most of your fics are Jackson/ after QZ joel (correct me if i’m wrong though, this is just what i think i’m noticing) and i’m wondering what are your thoughts on QZ Joel? would you ever write for him? (^з^)-☆

Joel Miller x f!reader

No physical description except female sex organs and having hair, no use of y/n

Word count: 9.7k

Warnings: SMUT (MINORS DNI), unprotected PiV, dirty talk, pet names (baby, baby girl, sweetheart, angel, good girl), creampie, Joel has a big ol weiner, drinking, mention of violence, blood, mention of prostitution (does not occur, has not occurred in the past), smoking (cigar, cigs briefly), sad!Joel for a minute but happy ending :), Tess doesn’t exist (sorry Tess)

A/n: you are right i’ve been noticing that i lean too much on Jackson so thank u for this request and i’m gonna try not to do that. had no intention of this being this long it just kind of happened lol. i know i didn't explicitly answer your question but i hope this explains some? idk this just came out of me so here it is i hope you enjoy !!!

—

Boston is ugly. It’s impossible to breathe a clean breath, impossible to get clean. Joel’s lungs are black and he doesn't smile. He may sleep, but he gets no rest, and you can see it easily in his eyes. The QZ is full of sickness—lying, cheating, stealing, there's no honor here. It's impossible not to have some of it rub off on you. It's almost impossible to see anything past it. Almost.

The first time Joel saw you he felt like a rat stepping onto a glue trap. He hadn’t realized he had stopped to stare until someone bumped into his shoulder, taking him back into the bustling street, and then you’d disappeared and he honestly wasn’t sure if he’d actually seen that beautiful girl or not. Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, dropping dreams or ghosts down just to make things interesting. He mostly shook it off. Still, only half believing that you were even real, he’d catch himself scanning around, looking for you out in the streets. And then he saw you again, and again, minding your business somewhere across the street, painting over Firefly logos while under guard’s watch—never somewhere that he could get to. Every time he saw you felt like taking a hit of you, and he always wanted more. Whenever he found himself with too little to do, he’d set out, treating Boston like a maze to find you, slipping around booths and through speakeasies and alleys. Despite how packed Boston is, goddamn, you were hard to find. He was aware that it wasn’t… normal behavior, but that’s as far as he got in caring about that. It was a frustrating hobby, though, like an itch he couldn't scratch, because he didn’t understand what he was feeling, or what he wanted, or who the fuck you thought you were, doing this to him, or how he was going to get himself out of this one. He had to interrogate himself to figure out that what he wanted was for you to need him. 

He wanted you to be with him, never leave his side, never want to leave, and he’d be so good to you, he’d be the knight to your queen. You had him bad, you were driving him crazy. 

You had burrowed your way into his head. It was nice to have something to daydream about, though—your smile, a smile that he gave you, that’d be for him. He’d daydream about you dancing, you’d be twirling with your eyes closed, arms out, all lit up in orange light like evening sun but holier, and he’d reach out and your fingers would brush his and you’d smile with your eyes closed because you wouldn’t have to open them to know that it’s him. And then he’d spin you into his arms, wrap you up, hold you safe. He’d daydream about his hands on your stomach, holding your back against him, your hair on his face. He would dream about you taking his face in your hands, kissing him, loving him, fucking him. He imagined your voice—put together from small bites of ‘overheard’ conversations—telling him you’re his. 

They used to make rings for this shit. Now all you’ve got is metaphors and sex. What a world to love in. 

The problem with all of this, however, is that he wanted to know you already. Joel doesn’t know how to develop this kind of relationship, with anyone, actually, and he cringed at the idea of actually trying to do it. If he did even end up finding you, what the fuck was he supposed to say? He genuinely could not come up with an answer. So, thank god for Robert—never thought he’d be saying that, but on this day only, thank god for his cheap, dumbass tricks, and Joel’s dumbass for agreeing to trade with him, and being ripped off again, because that’s how you met. 

Being the coward he is, Robert had sent a third party to meet with you and him—apparently buying the same product—that somehow thought you wouldn’t check the goods, and then you spent the whole day together hunting that fucker down. You were the one who threw the first punch once you found him, and Joel liked that because he didn’t feel bad for hitting him, too. And then you got your ration cards back, and you came home with him. 

In just those few hours, a bond had formed, and all those days he’d spent looking for you fell away. Cliches were clicking in his head. He offered you his smuggled jungle juice and somewhere to clean off your bloody fist. 

Now, you’re here in his apartment, the door swinging softly shut behind you. Joel stands frozen across the room from you, a knee sticking out, unsure if you can feel the rope of tension between you or if it’s just him. He wants you here and it makes him uncomfortable. Mind blank and swimming at the same time, he’s not sure what to say. When he does, he can’t find the correct conduct, weakly and awkwardly jutting his chin out in a sort of nod. Finding himself unable to speak softly, his cadence is a mess that rolls through almost incoherently. He can’t believe how silly the sentence that came out of him is:

“Have you been lookin’ for me as hard as I’ve been lookin’ for you?”

You shift your weight. “Maybe.”

Joel barely ever has company. To be frank, the few times he’s had women over, it’s been for sex, and the longest they stay is if they fall asleep, and they’re almost always up and gone before he wakes. So, here is a beautiful woman in his apartment, and he wants you, so his first instinct is to get you in bed. That doesn’t feel right though—not because he doesn’t want to fuck you, but because he wants more than that. He doesn’t want a one night stand. He wants to savor you. He wants to know you. He wants you to stay. 

The unfamiliarity and lack of clarity of what to do here frightens him. 

“So you got a rag I can stain?” You break the silence for him, holding your hand to massage your palm with your thumb. 

“Yeah, uh,” Joel walks into the kitchen, flicking his eyes around. He knows what rag you can use but he forgot that it might be too embarrassing to bring out. There are not many options though, he can’t let you use the one clean rag he does have. 

“If you can’t find one it’s alright, I can use my shirt, I just need the sink.”

Joel turns to you, taken off guard, but catches telling details when he looks you up and down. Your jeans are dark so you can’t immediately see that there are brown stains around the ripped knees, and lines of more old blood are swiped over the side of your thigh, which he knows come from wiping off a blade. Realizing that you do in fact live in the same world as him, Joel opens a crooked drawer and pulls out a rag that used to be white but is now mostly brown with dried blood. Without looking at you, he wets the somewhat stiff cloth in the sink and hands it to you.

You barely pause, taking it casually. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He mumbles, hiking up his jeans and trying to covertly watch you wipe away at your hand. A large part of him wants to take your hand in his, wipe and dab at it himself, make sure it’s clean, and then bandage it, slowly and carefully. He wants to take care of you, show you gentleness and kindness, but, no matter how much he wants to be soft and personal, to connect, he seems unable to actually act on it. His face flashes in self depreciation before he instead goes to the floorboards in his bedroom, fishing around for that drink he promised you. 

A smile spreads over your face as he emerges back with the bottle and Joel almost stops dead in his tracks at it, at him, because of him. Well, because of alcohol, but he was the one providing it, at least. 

He trades you the bottle for the rag and you waterfall it while he scrubs drying blood from between his fingers. Your face twists up as you swallow and you laugh. 

While he watches yours, Joel can feel his lip curling up and he asks, “What’s that for?”

“This shit is pure. I’m used to it being watered down.”

“Oh, yeah. Got that from Robert, actually.” He tells you, motioning towards it. “One of the only times he’s been useful.” 

“What are the other times?” You stay smiling.

Joel mindlessly circles the rough cloth over top his hand and looks down when he answers, “Well, today.” Because he brought me to you. These half–admittances are escapees, like his brain can’t help but be truthful with you. No matter how much one side screams ‘danger’ at the other, he needs to do something to make an attachment, he needs you to know that he wants you around, he can’t let you slip away. He can’t get himself to say that last part, though.

You hum and hold the bottle out to him. He swipes the rag over his hand one last time, then tosses it onto the table and takes the bottle, wishing you’d let your lips around it so he could get a taste of you without taking any risks. 

Risks. What is he willing to do for this? For this feeling? How far is he willing to be taken with it? He can barely grasp the ideas behind it. It’s familiar, but what is it? How much does he care about its definition? He swigs. 

“Have you traded with Robert a lot?”

Joel nods as he swallows with a grimace, then elaborates, “You could say that. More like been ripped off by ‘im a lot.”

“So you’re a chump?” You smirk. 

Joel halfheartedly glares at you and you only smirk further. “No. Just desperate. Not a lot of options.” He passes the bottle. 

“So you’re the kind of guy who takes what he can get.” You say before raising it, to your lips now.

He almost chuckles, watching your mouth, “I didn’ take shit, remember?” 

You shrug and hand him back the bottle. “So what are you gonna do with all those ration cards now?”

Joel focuses on being able to tell what of what he’s tasting is the alcohol and what is you. He licks his lips after he swallows. “Don’t know yet… What’re you gonna do?” 

“I was thinking about buying a really expensive coat. Like a mink's fur coat.” Joel gives you a look like he’s not completely sure if you’re being serious or not. “I’m kidding. I’m getting fucking food. I’ve been skipping a meal a day for the last two weeks saving up for what we didn’t get.”

As he hands you the bottle again, the thought of that pangs Joel’s chest. If you stay with me, you’ll never have to do that again. I can provide for you. “I have food.”

You stare at him as you lift the bottle to your lips, and after you swallow, say “I’m not asking for your food.” Your face is straight and voice bristled.

“No, I know,” Joel stammers, “I was just offerin’—”

“I don’t want your food.” You shove the bottle at his chest and cross your arms once he takes it, leaning back a foot.

An offer like that is no longer simple friendliness, but Joel didn’t think about that before he spoke. Intentions mean less than jack shit and social rules are more like laws to live by these days; you probably think he’s trying to bargain for sex. “I’m sorry,” Joel closes his eyes and shakes his head, “that’s not what I meant.”

“Yeah, ok, well, thanks for the drink, I’ll see you around.”

“No, wait, I’m sorry,” he reaches out for your arm, and even though he lets go as soon as he closes his hand around it, it’s enough to scare you away entirely and you rush out of his apartment without looking back, slamming the door shut behind you. He jerks it right back open, holding himself in the doorway with another “Wait,” as he watches you barrel down the hallway and disappear down the stairs. “Fuck.” He whispers. Joel retreats back into his apartment and slams the door behind him, stopping just inside to rub his hand over his forehead. It’s a fair reaction on your part, he just happened to be the 1% of people to make a move like that not intending to harm you. 

This is the exact opposite of what he was going for. His hand slaps to his side as he lets it fall. 

As Joel’s eyes wander over the table, he catches something in his peripheral, and spots two ration cards. They’re not his, they must have fallen out of your pocket. 

Like a shot, Joel snatches them up and is out the door, bounding down the steps and throwing himself out through the front door. He skids to a stop just outside, turning left and right until he spots you still making haste away from his place. “Wait!” He calls out again as he weaves through the street toward you. When you stop and turn to him his hand shoots up, showing you the cards. 

You shoot daggers and as soon as he’s in front of you, bark, “I’m not a fucking prostitute. I’m not gonna fuck you for food.” 

“No, no, count your cards, these aren’t mine, they’re yours. I swear.”

Still glaring, you pull the stack out of your back pocket and flip through them. When you finish, you bite the inside of your cheek, shove them into your pants instead of your pocket, and hold your hand out for your missing two. You’re staring him straight in the eyes as he hands them over and you add them to the rest, and then your expression softens. Joel takes this opportunity to try to have you give him another chance.

“I swear, I didn’t mean any a that like that. I know how it sounded, I wasn’t thinkin’. I’m not lookin’ for anythin’ like that. I swear.”

You chew on your lip for a moment. “Okay. Fine.” You blink and pull at your waistband. 

Joel takes a deep breath, but his relief is short lived. Shit. Now what? I can’t ask her to ‘come back to my place’, and if I ask to walk her home she’ll probably think the same fucking thing. Joel is not used to trying to gain someone's trust. What would convince him? No answer comes. 

Gravel shifts under your foot as you turn more towards him, resting a hand on your hip and cocking your head. Suddenly, Joel feels pressure under your gaze and readjusts his posture, straightening, but struggles with his gaze. The interaction is one of assessing dominance—more of you checking his. Joel grinds his jaw with his eyes focused down on the hand on your hip. This goes against instinct, which would be to puff out his chest, cross his arms, raise his chain to glare down his nose. He is not afraid of you, you’re not trying to threaten him, and he understands what you’re doing and that he needs to convey a level of submitance; he owes it to you now that he’s made you suspect he’s trying to manipulate you into sex. His throat bobs as he swallows his pride, then shifts his eyes back up to yours. When you relax, he lets out a breath and follows. 

“Okay, look,” you begin, “I’m not helpless just because I’m a woman, I can carry my fucking own, you should know that by now, but… I know Robert’s got guys, and I am aware of the risk of being a woman, and I also respect the buddy system. So, walk with me?” It’s your turn to struggle with your gaze, flipping your eyes between his and the ground.

A confetti cannon goes off in Joel’s head. “Alright.” He nods.

“Alright.” You nod back, take a step backwards, then turn back to where you were heading originally. The two of you fall into an even stride, silently focusing on your death stares as you journey through the loud, filthy, reeking streets of the Boston QZ. Joel thinks he spots a couple suspicious characters as you walk and is grateful that he came after you and that you let him walk you home. 

The sky’s blue is beginning to darken and the crowds are dwindling. Curfew is fast approaching, but Joel doesn’t want to ask you how much further, because, for one, he doesn’t want there to be a whiff of doubt that he’s no less than happy to be doing this, and, if it does get to be too late, maybe you’ll let him spend the night. It’s unlikely that you’ll be having sex, but that’s fine; he guesses you’re right, he is the kind of guy who will take what he can get.

“Okay, you’re free to go.” You snap Joel out of his thoughts, pulling out a bit of disappointment that you’re already here. Your building is short and wide, with graffiti littering the bottom and most of the low windows boarded up or taped over with rustling plastic. A burly and sunburnt young man smokes a daring cigarette on the steps and you exchange amicable nods with him.

Joel pauses, looking around and hiking up his pants trivially. The lack of promise that he’ll ever be able to speak to you again stirs anxiety in him and he searches again for the right thing to say. “Alright, well, it was nice to meet you.” He struggles again with some kind of cordial inflection, nodding and clearing his throat.

“You, too. I’ll see you around.” You nod back, then add a reassuring “Okay?”

Joel nods again, staying to watch you go. Once you’re out of sight, he takes a deep breath. The man on the steps spits and eyes Joel, so he leaves, hustling back to make it before curfew. 

Back in his apartment, Joel returns the alcohol back under the floor and his bloody towel into its drawer. He strips his flannel, removes his boots, and lays back on his bed, the setting sun casting a sheet of orange over his body. Pulling his pillow under his head and folding his arms behind it, Joel sighs loudly and shuts his eyes. Today was fucking exhausting, more for his mind than body. It has been the strangest day he’s had in a long time. Laying with his eyes closed, Joel picks through his mind for explanations and answers. What’s happening inside of him? What is he looking for? What happened today? His brow pinches as he wracks and wracks. 

Friend. When the word surfaces it breaks with panic and Joel jolts into a sitting position. Girl–friend. He forgot that that’s even a word. He rubs his face with his hand until he feels like he knows where he is again. What the fuck going on with him? Does he think, what, that he’s gonna take you on a ‘date’? And go where exactly? One of those slimy speakeasies, stay for five minutes until a fight breaks out and/or FEDRA fucking crashes it? Oh, yeah, how about spending the night sitting in opposite cells? That would allow for a lot of alone time, except for the fully armed and immoral guard. He could take you out past the walls, maybe find an abandoned restaurant and hope neither of you get bit or killed while checking it out so that you can sit down on dust caked chairs to clink glasses full of dirt.

That shit isn’t possible. Joel lets himself fall back into the mattress. 

Maybe a quick fuck will do the trick after all. 

But, still with that thought comes a gust of dread as he imagines then seeing you out on the street in the days following and having to avoid eye contact. Well what if you could just keep having sex? And just, hang out, you know, maybe if you could… come to live with him and then that way—fuck. That’s like dating. 

‘Dating’ sounds so stupid, like you’re going to go sit at a diner sipping the same milkshake with two straws. 

Well what if you’re just as fucked up and broken as he is? Would that make it any better? Then he wouldn’t scare you if he gets night terrors because you get them, too, and you’d understand about the violence and bloodshed. Thinking more on it, though, Joel realizes that all that that would really mean is that you probably have the same amount of fucking issues with ‘friends’. 

“Shit.” 

Joel flips to his side, shoving his arm under the pillow again to press his face into it. He’s lost, and fucked. Maybe the answer will come to him in the morning. Probably not, but he’s fucking tired, so let’s just say it will. 

—

The morning brings no answers, only more confusion and anxiety. His head has become jumbled in the night and Joel’s not sure about any of it anymore. 

Too close. He doesn’t even know you. You could be one of Robert’s guys, for all he knows. No, that makes no sense. If you were going to rob him you would have already. What else could you want? Jesus, did you drug him? He knows the truth, that he has feelings for you, he just really does not want that to be the case.

But, at the same time, there is the brown haired puppy dog that still lives in him, dreaming up how to get you flowers and how much he likes your hair and your eyes and how you talk. You’re a beautiful person, both in the surface level, physical sense, but also as an individual being. Even though you’ve only known each other for a day, he has seen enough to understand that you are, at least to a level, a safe person. Tulips, he needs to find tulips for you. 

Either way, he just needs to find a way to slow this all the fuck down. 

He shouldn’t get involved with you. You shouldn't get involved with him. He shouldn't trust you. You don't know who he is. He could change for you. You’re gonna get him killed. He’s gonna get you killed. The life he wants with you isn’t possible. He’s the kinda guy who will take what he can get. God, he needs to fuck you at least. Goddamnit, he doesn't want you to think that's all you are to him. Can’t you at least just be friends? What does that even mean? He wishes he never met you. He immediately takes that back. Why is this happening to him? Both sides of him can dig that last one. 

Joel groans and rubs his face with his hands. He stands, stretching his arms up and squeezing his eyes shut against the bright yellow morning light. His arms drop down to scratch at his chest over his sleeveless undershirt. Socked feet sweep over the hardwood floor over to the kitchen where he slaps cold water from the tap onto his face. Noticing wisps of blood still on his hands, he scrubs at them with his nails under the water. He forgot to sign up for any work today because he spent all day yesterday dealing with Robert, and… hanging out with you. 

With another whiney groan, Joel swats the faucet’s handle off and plants his hands on either side of the sink, letting water drip from his nose as he stares into the drain. Hanging out? People do that. He’s seen people just kind of sit around somewhere and talk, not doing deals, but, like, on their porches, sitting on side by side folding chairs. Yeah, people hang out. He imagines himself asking you if you want to ‘hang out’; he’s chewing gum with sunglasses and a backwards hat on, you’re in pigtails and reject him and he kicks rocks on his way home. 

He has had friends before, but it was from traveling in a group, trying to survive, when you kind of have to spend all your time together. There’s little choice and little room to decide if you actually like this person, little time to even actually get to know them, and they die a lot. That’s what he’s used to, and that is not what he wants with you. 

“The fuck am I doin’.” Joel mutters to himself, watching trails of water shine as they trickle down towards the drain. 

Soft, fully brown haired Joel swings his legs on one of his shoulders: “Go out n’ see if she’s around.”

Baggy–eyed, forever frowning Joel digs his fingers into his other shoulder: “If you ever see her again, you better walk the other fuckin’ direction.”

Puppy dog Joel furrows his brow and leans over to look at the other: “She’s a nice girl.”

Morose Joel glares back: “No such fuckin’ thing. An’ if she is, we’ll fuckin’ ruin ‘er.”

“Jesus. You’re paranoid. Can’t you just let us be happy?”

“No such fuckin’ thing.”

Joel smacks his hand to his forehead and pushes away from the sink. He lifts the bottom of his white shirt to rub his face dry and goes to sit back down on his bed to pull on his shoes, grabbing his other flannel and finishing buttoning it as he walks down the hall to exit his apartment building. He’s not sure what he’s doing—not admitting that he’s going to end up heading in the direction of your apartment—but he needs to get out of his head, and the QZ offers plenty of distractions. Here’s one now, as soon as he steps outside—

“Hey friend,” 

Joel whips around to the voice at the corner of his building, a man his size but wiry, with saddle brown skin and an overly genial smile. 

“You look lost.”

Joel narrows his eyes.

“Well, if you’re feelin’ lost—”

“Give me a fuckin’ break.” Joel cuts in. “That shit is meaningless. Hope is dead, jackass.” 

The man’s face instantly falls, disheartened, and he leans his shoulder against the brick. Joel huffs and moves on, shaking his head. That look makes a small part of him remorseful, like a thorn in his side, so he decides to stop at a speakeasy. 

He has to squint against the rising sun as he walks, so he doesn’t catch you until you’re right on him, asking, “Where’re you headed?”

Joel freezes, placing his hand on his brow to shade his eyes to see you smiling. Like remedied, all that anxiety and apprehension rolls off of him like water off a duck's back. “For a drink.” He answers, returning a serene smile. 

“Don’t you have that at home?”

“Yeah, well I jus’… wanted to get outta there.” He shifts out of the suns glare. 

You hum and nod. “I get that. What about my place? I don’t have alcohol, but I do have a cigar.”

Joel’s eyebrows shoot up. “A cigar?”

You nod. “Well they didn’t have any mink coats, so I got the second best thing.” Your mouth twists up into a mischievous smile and you swivel your torso back and forth. When Joel’s lips start to curl, you turn, watching him over your shoulder as you walk until he joins you. 

When the two of you get to your apartment, the young burly man is still on the steps; he winks at Joel as he follows you past, and Joel stares back until the door shuts behind him. Inside, as he follows you up the narrow, winding staircase, he spends the entire five-flight journey to the top floor conflicted about where to let his gaze fall. 

“Alright, this is my floor.” You glance over your shoulder at him then grab the door frame to swing into the tight hallway. “End of the hall.”

Your apartment is much smaller than his, and wide. Cracked, off white paint cries uneven, chipped stripes that reach up to the crown molding. Your bedroom is to the immediate right, a narrow room opened by two glass double doors. At the opposite end is another glass door, tall, that opens up to a fire escape. To his left is your kitchen, which is just the wall lined with cupboards, a sink, and white refrigerator. In front of him, a couch is half visible, the rest hidden behind the corner, under a row of three windows. Like his, the curtains are thin torn pieces of fabric. Just before the corner next to the entrance to your bedroom is a gray folding table with three tan metal folding chairs. Walking in, Joel can see in your room a twin bed with rosy sheets and no headboard, its head shoved in the space between the tall glass door and the wall with a thin pillow and singular white sheet. He hopes you have a bunch of other blankets shoved somewhere he can’t see, because it’s only barely summer anymore. The long wall opposite is taken up mostly by bookcases, which hold some books but mostly by all sorts of other things, including clothes. A ragged chair sits next to it, back facing him. Shoved in between the shelves and the tall glass door is a tall lamp, a thin piece of pink fabric laying over a disfigured shade. The carpet is worn and somewhat cluttered; right next to that chair is a pair of lacy black underwear. Joel rips his eyes away from it back to you in front of him, disappearing around the corner for only a moment before reappearing with a fat, half smoked cigar. You twist it in your fingers with a wide smile, flipping open a Zippo lighter in your other hand. 

“How did you get that?” Joel asks, astonished. He hasn’t seen a cigar in years but has dreamt about smoking one more than once. 

“My friend on the steps outside. Don’t tell anyone, though. Come on,” you nod your head back around the corner and he follows you into a cramped, mellow blue and yellow tiled bathroom. You push out a small broken crank window high up on the wall, pull the door shut behind Joel, and light up the cigar. Leaned against the sink, Joel watches you, very aware of the close quarters. The end of the cigar lights up deep orange and crackles. Your brow is furrowed, Joel can see the hairs of your eyebrows and lashes, a tiny scar in the corner of your eye over the bone of your eye socket. When you pull away, dense smoke snakes out of your mouth. You look down at it as you attempt smoke rings, getting one good one but failing at the rest. When you laugh the rest of the gray puffs out of your mouth. 

“Damn it.” you giggle, and hand the cigar and lighter to Joel.

He has to relight it and watches the flame over the end. He sucks in stale, earthy smog; it tastes ancient, but still has some of that discernable cigar flavor. As it fills his mouth, Joel closes his eyes, leans his head back and moans before opening his mouth to let the smoke leave. His eyes are on you as they open, and yours are half lidded, focused on his mouth, a slight smile on your lips. They slowly crawl back up to his eyes, and you look away. Joel takes another puff and makes a sound to get your attention, attempting rings as well, not doing much better than you did. 

You hold your hands out, “Ok, let me try again.” You take your time and Joel watches your tongue working in awe. You make a good three rings. Smoke puffs out of your mouth again when you smile at him and pass the cigar back. 

Joel focuses his efforts on the rings but keeps his eyes on you watching his mouth. As you do, your smile grows, eyes half lidded again, and you lean your back against the window’s wall, turning your head to see him blow four perfect rings. 

“You’re good at that.” You chuckle, staying on his mouth even after he’s done. He takes another puff. 

“Practice, I guess. Even though it’s been awhile.”

You hum and finally tear your eyes away from his mouth. He offers the cigar but you shake your head, “That thing is nasty, I’m afraid I’ll throw up if I take one more puff. You can keep it.”

“You sure?”

“Mhm. All yours.”

“Thanks.”

“I got it with you in mind, anyway.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. You look like a cigar guy.”

“Well, what did I do to deserve this?” 

Your eyes go back to his mouth. “Nothing, I guess… I knew it’d get you over here.” You look down and smile.

Joel sucks in murky smoke, letting it fill his mouth, and wonders how you taste. He’s never wanted someone's saliva in his mouth so much. He reaches behind him to balance the cigar on your sink to let it extinguish on its own. “I won’t make you watch me smoke that whole thing. I’ll take it home with me.” Turning back, he looks you up and down, admiring you, and says, “Thank you.” Those are another set of words that Joel cringes at, but he means it, and he needs you to know that he is grateful for this. The last gift he got was a box of bullets from Tommy on his birthday—not to say that’s a bad gift, or that he’s ever expecting anything on his birthday, but, you gave him a gift, just because, and it’s a luxury. He can’t believe you’re real, he wants to reach out and touch you just to be sure. 

“Mhm.” You smile, lifting your fist to rest your lip on, laying your other arm over your torso to support your elbow. Joel drifts over the details—the edge of your lip poking out from where it presses on a finger, the muscle and bone structure of your wrist. He fully appreciates the color of your skin as he follows it until its end at what he can see of your collar, how your chest shapes around the position of your arms. He sees you briefly squeeze your arm around yourself and his eyes are on your hips when he hears your foot shift under you and your body moves a little closer to him. 

“Joel?” Your quiet voice brings him back, and you’re blushing.

“Hm?”

Your eyes flutter and you push yourself off from the wall, moving your hand to scratch the back of your head, then face him, though still not looking at him, “Nothing, um, I dunno,” you chuckle nervously. 

“What?” He coaxes, growing a light smile.

You finally look at him, folding your arms over your chest and cocking your head as you ask, “Do you have anything going on today?” 

“No.”

“Me neither.”

Could this be what he thinks? Are you asking him to ‘hang out’?

“Do you wanna… hang out?”

Good lord in heaven, you are. 

“Yeah.” He says, then blinks, shifts, and repeats more enthusiastically, “Yeah.”

“Cool.” You offer a small, twitching smile. “Well, we can get out of this tiny bathroom.”

“I don’t mind it.” The truth suddenly jumps out of Joel and as soon as it’s out, he looks at his feet. Please, please, please, don’t let this be him ruining it, again, because second chances are basically extinct. 

“Why not?” Your tone is light, not angry or affronted. He looks back up, pausing to consider you, how beautiful you are, how much he really does enjoy being this close to you. The more he realizes how few inches are separating you, the more he aches for your body on his. He swallows hard. Is he being sleazy? 

You shift closer and his heart rate picks up. “I mean, I don’t really mind it either.” A light blush blooms over your face and Joel’s lips inadvertently part. When you move closer still, Joel straightens up from the sink, letting his hands rest at his sides, hoping you want them on your hips. “I like being close to you.”

“I wanna be closer.” Joel tells you quietly, then swallows hard again. 

Out of the corner of his eye, while he focuses on your face, Joel sees your hand rising cautiously, then feels it rest on his shoulder. He permits his hands to your hips. 

From there, naturally and easily, you connect. Your lips touch softly when they meet, then promptly conquering more of each other’s, and finally he tastes you, a pure elixir, and hangs onto your lip with his teeth so that he can raise the dose. Joel breathes deeply through his nose as he savors and his hand brushes up your hip, catching under your shirt and pulling it up slowly with it; feeling your skin warm and bare under his touch shoots directly into his veins. You remove your mouth from his to instead purr into his neck and Joel moans, then adds quietly, “Jesus.” You chuckle before refocusing your lips, gently nipping at and skimming over his skin. His hand glides up to the back of your head and he softly moans again. Lazily, Joel allows you to start slowly unbuttoning his flannel, appreciating his contact with your body and your sensitive touch on his neck. The only way he knows he’s not dreaming is because of your pinching teeth. Once his flannel is undone you smooth your hands down the length of his torso, fingers slipping off of him just before his belt, then come back up, slowing on his shoulders for permission to slip the shirt. Joel takes his hands off of you for the three seconds it takes to pull his flannel off, feeling your hot breath on his neck as you pull away with his shifting. Your eyes meet again and Joel’s heart flutters at how large your pupils are. He watches them move down to cross over his shoulders, your hands following your eyes, and then you look back up at him and bite your lip. Like you’ve flicked a switch with this simple movement, Joel takes your mouth with his tongue and grabs your hips to pull against his. Briefly, he regains composure to check, “Is this ok?” and you confirm with a nod back into his lips, slinging your arms around his neck and rolling your hips. “That a girl,” it escapes him, scaring him for only a moment, but you whine an encouraging moan and press yourself into him. The force leans Joel back over the sink and he has to throw a hand back onto it to keep himself steady.

“Shit, ok, this room is too small now.” You chuckle into each other’s lips and then you pull away, keeping a grip on his hand as you turn the knob and take him around the corner into your room. 

Standing just before your bed, you turn back to him and take his face in your hands, sliding your palms over his beard, fingertips on rough skin. They slip into his hair as you bring his face to yours, working back in your welcome tongue. His hands slither around you and then he squeezes you into a hug, relieving his ache for your body, relishing in the pressure of his hold. As you breathe out your head falls back and Joel moves in, licking into a hickey, too absorbed to give a shit about leaving marks. When a hand travels down to your ass and squeezes, you make a sound and hitch your body up. 

“You like that?” Joel purrs, fully loose lipped and glued back on yours. When you ‘mhm’ into his mouth he squeezes again, hiking you up himself. 

“Joel,” his lips force you to mumble.

“What is it, babygirl?”

All you do is whine, but your answer is in the hand that slides between your bodies to cup the stiff bulge between his legs. 

“You want me to fuck you?” He basically growls, sliding the hand up from your ass to grip your side and the other up to your face, stroking his thumb over your cheek and forcing you to meet his eyes. There’s a desperate tweak in your brow that tells him all he needs to know but he waits for you to say it. 

“Yes,” you whimper, and then he walks you back onto your bed, the two of you falling onto it with little pause with mouths and hands. Messily, he licks and nibbles at your lips and paws at your chest. Your hands spread over his thick, bare shoulders and biceps, legs shamelessly widening more than they need to under his hips, then hook and pull when he doesn’t bring them down himself. 

“You’re fuckin’ horny, huh?” He asks with a slight smirk.

“I just want you. I just want you.” You mumble.

Joel’s brow twists up and he kisses you deeper. You want him, you want him, you want him. “I want you so much, baby. God, I need you. I’ve been wantn’ you so bad since the first time I saw you,” the words are doing nothing more than spilling out of him, but he’s gone now, “so beautiful, such a beautiful girl. You want me to fuck you?”

“Yes,” you breathe out, tugging his shirt up his back. 

Joel pushes himself up to stand on his knees and pull his undershirt up and off, then stays over you, panting. Slowly, mindfully, his hands smooth up your body, hooking his thumbs under your shirt, lifting it. You watch his eyes and lift your arms when his hands ask. He slips your shirt off carefully and lets it fall on the floor, and then you’re bare underneath him. The adoration is palpable in his touch as he smooths his calloused hands from the V of your waist over your belly, splitting to slide over your sides but meeting again on your chest. He pets your breasts, teasing your nipples with fleeting touch, and then suddenly dips his body down to lick and tenderly nip one of your nipples. Then his wet lips drag up your collar, your neck, and back to your lips, and his mouth and tongue are gentle but passionate. Joel cherishes every touch you share. Then, your hands go back down to the bulge under his jeans, one rubbing over the cup while the other tugs at his belt. He chuckles into your lips and then rises again to undo his belt. When you try to tug down your pants you both understand the trouble and Joel hoists his legs over you to stand beside the bed, letting you up with him so that you can both undress as quickly and easily as possible. For a moment all there is is the sound of belts clicking and fabric brushing against skin. For whatever reason, you both start to laugh breathily until reattaching mouths smother it out. You fall back on the bed, your legs back open, and Joel wastes little time getting his hands on his dick, unable to help himself from a few strokes before he positions himself at your entrance, swiping his tip up and down your wet slit. Laying his forearm on the bed allows him to stroke your cheek with his thumb. 

Nearly slurring, Joel asks, “You ready for me baby?” 

“Mhm,” you nod, “I want you, Joel, please,”

“You don’t need to beg, sweetheart, I gothcu,” he kisses you tenderly, but it breaks as he fills you and you both moan. Joel’s forehead rests briefly on your lips when he looks down to watch himself pushing into you, his fingers pinching his base to guide himself, he prizes this picture of him in between your legs, opened wide for him. As he fits his large, stiff member inside of you your fingers comb through and then grip his hair, making him moan. “Goddamnit baby, what a good girl, takin’ me like this. I know it’s a lot. I know.” He assures you as you squeal, toes curling as he plugs you up. Joel swings his head back up, biting his lip as he watches your face, impressed with himself when he sees your pupils almost disappear back into your head. He nips at your lips but your mouth stays open until he stills his cock inside of you. 

You groan, “Oh my god, Joel,”

“Yeah?” He mumbles as he begins to move. You clench around him when you moan and he swears, moving his head down to bite your neck gently as he continues to take himself in and out. He smiles when your hands claw at his back and release his teeth to speak, “Such a good girl for takin’ me like this. You’re a fuckin’ angel.”

“Ok, Joel, I’m good, I’m good, please fuck me,”

Joel growls and links his teeth on your lip again. “Told you darlin’, no need to beg, I’ll give you what you need. How do you want it? You want it hard?”

“I don’t fucking care just fuck me,”

Jesus, if heaven’s real this is what it’ll be. 

Joel trusts your word and starts to fuck you how he wants—deep and hard, pounding your pussy in final satisfaction of the need he’s been pinned with since the moment he saw you. The room is full with the sounds of your moans and skin on skin.

“God, look atchu, pretty girl, god, your pussy’s so fuckin’ tight for me.” The sensation of him bumping your cervix and your cunt enveloping him fully is keeping him going like he’s a quarter operated ride that someone slipped fifty cents into. “That feel good, baby? Huh? Does that feel good?” You slap your hand onto the wall above you to keep your head from hitting it with the force of Joel’s thrust and repeatedly breathe out yeses. Joel groans at how your nails dig into his shoulder. “Tell me, tell me how good it feels,”

“Yes, Joel, it feels so good, you fuck me so good,”

“That’s righ’, baby. Gonna treat you so good. So good. So good baby you feel so good.” Joel leans his head back as bottoms out. When you almost scream, Joel stops, frightened, “Shit, you ok?”

“I’m fine Joel,” you laugh, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. It was—it was good, that felt really good.”

“Oh, alright, I’m sorry, I’m—”

“No, no, I’m fine, Joel it’s good,”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, fuck—ok—” you push Joel up and his heartbeat quickens with anxiety. Unsure, he simply follows your movements, climbing off of you, letting you tug his arm and flopping back on the bed for you to mount him. 

Now sitting up on your knees on top of him, you study him. “You’re so fucking hot, pretty boy.”

A wide smile spreads over Joel’s face, pumping rosy cheeks, and he throws an arm over his eyes modestly. The reaction is spontaneous, Joel being unprepared for such praise. 

“You are!” You giggle, moving his arm and dropping on your elbows to kiss him. One of his hands goes to your hair and he squeezes your hip with the other with eager grip. You rise back up, a line of spit briefly linking you, and your hand trails down over his chest until it comes to his cock, bulging over his stomach. He twitches and breathes out as your hand slides over it and he beholds you above him. 

“Fuck,” you purr when you slip him in. Joel strains his arms down to grip your thighs, breathing out a loud moan. “Shit.”

“Goddamn,” he whispers, then says, “come on, baby, take all of it.” You sit down on him slowly, hands landing over his chest, and he brushes his hands up and down your arms. “Thas’ righ’ baby. So good for me.” Joel moves to your hips, pulling them down and in to start to move inside you, forcing himself to be gentle. Your head flips back as you let out a loud, pornographic moan, and Joel can no longer keep himself reigned in. Gripping your hips, he’s now moving them more than you are, one hand gripping your ass, guiding you to angle down, taking more of him. 

Riding him like a mustang, your fingers skim over his wrists, unable to grasp them. “Fuck,” You whimper, brow twisted up, eyes closed. 

Joel takes his hand off of your ass to grab your face, squishing your cheeks, “Eyes on me, sweetheart.” You moan and obey, he keeps your face in his hand to make sure you stay. “Good girl. Stay with me baby.” He grunts and briefly bits his lips as he begins moving his hips up into you, thrusting his cock even deeper inside of you until he’s bumping your cervix again. You squeak and close your eyes, leaning your head back until he jerks your face, reminding you softly, “Eyes on me.” Your hand slaps on his chest as you adjust your posture, though Joel’s grip stabilizes you enough, holding you in place. He releases your cheeks but keeps his hand on your face, letting his palm and fingers brush over the side of your head as you bounce, his thumb on the back of your neck, supporting your head up when you try to let it fall back. “You’re so beautiful. Bet you look so pretty when you cum.”

“My god, Joel,” you pant, “I knew you would fuck me so good, you’re gonna make me cum,”

Joel’s eyes light up and he inadvertently smirks, “Yeah?” Eagerly, he tells you, “I wanna make you cum, baby, I wanna feel you fuckin’ cum. You’re bein’ such a good girl lettin’ me fuck you so hard like this. God, I wanna make you cum,” His hips bump up into you and he tugs on yours in a tempo that buries him as far as he’ll go inside of you. Prizing his view, Joel notices a bulge, coming and going at a suspiciously similar rhythm as how he’s fucking you, and when he realizes that it’s him, heat spreads through his chest and he only fucks you harder. “Oooooh, baby,” he looks back up at you and your chest and face are flushed. “My angel, look at you. Go ahead and cum on my cock, babygirl, I know you’re ready to.”

Your pipe out desperate moans as you bounce on his cock and your hands shoot up, one twisting your hair behind your head the other on your face, smoothing down over your face and mouth down to massage your breast.

“Does that feel good baby?” He almost whines out the question, desperate for praise, for affirmation that he’s being good for you. 

“Yes, god, fuck me Joel, I need you, oh my god please,” you cry out.

“You gonna cum for me? Cum on my cock like a good girl?”

You close your mouth, whining through sealed lips, then pop them back open to moan almost unrealistically pornographically, but the way your pussy squeezes him proves it unmistakably genuine.  

“Ah, fuck,” Joel lets out loudly as your legs shake and tighten around him, just like your cunt does, and his thrusts are basically out of his control. His mouth falls open and his eyes squeeze shut, almost seeing white, a sweet taste filling his mouth as the euphoric pleasure you provide him trembles to a peak and he groans as he cums in a pussy–drunk frenzy. 

As he comes out of it embarrassment starts to run over him at his gusto, but the look on your face calms it—your brow is furrowed up, eyes closed with your mouth slack like his. Your back is arched with your hands resting on his thighs, panting. 

You let out a loud breath and flip your body back to look at him, smiling, “Shit.” A breathy laugh shakes out of him and you sit back, still with him inside of you. Then you rise up off of him, “Oh, fuck,” you stand, almost tripping, “I gotta go clean myself up. I’ll be right back.” 

Joel basks in the glory of your figure walking away, still fully nude, pattering through your apartment, then disappearing around the corner. He leans back, turning his head to view the sky from the dirty glass door. It’s a picturesque baby blue, dotted with a few puffy white clouds. Fuck the other shoe, if it drops it drops, he just wants to be here right now, with the sun warming his bare chest, nose full of your scent, his lips swollen and dick still wet with your cum. Joel takes a deep breath. Maybe it’s dramatic to say he’d be happy to die here, and it’s not entirely true, but it’s just that he feels content for the first time in fucking years. 

When your padding steps sound again, Joel shifts his upper body up, watching you approach, and then you slip into bed, nudging him so that you can lay side by side facing each other. The top sheet is cast lazily over your bodies and a comfortable silence falls over it. Joel tries to memorize the details of your eyes and admires the way his mouth has plumped your lips. 

Lying in bed with you here in this cramped apartment feels like a dugout, and he wants to go back in time, to any point over the last ten or so years, to tell himself that this is waiting there for him, just to let himself know that it’s gonna be ok. He can’t believe he’s still in Boston.

“Can we stay here for a while?” He asks you. 

You nod, “We still have all day, pretty boy.” Joel smiles and you move to kiss him, long and light. He hooks your lip in his mouth, asking you nearer, and, without breaking the kiss, you lift yourself up, only your chest off of the bed, supporting your body up with your elbow. To hover over him, you reach your hand over to plant next to his head. Joel’s hands slither up your face to the back of your head, assuring your connection. All he wants is your lips.  

“Baby,” He whispers, his voice high. 

“Hm?”

“Nothin’. I dunno.”

You smile, peck another gentle kiss, and then lay back beside him. You shift closer to each other and your legs tangle.

After a couple of still moments, you take a deep breath and address him, worry in your voice, “Joel…”

“What is it?” His brow pinches in concern.

“I’m just worried… maybe I should have waited.” You say quietly, brow slightly furrowed as you gaze into his eyes, raising a loose fist to your lips. 

He pushes his hand out to brush the back of his finger over your wrist, “Why’s that?”

You pause. “Cause… I don’t want… I wasn’t… I wasn’t trying to have… you know, a one night stand. I mean, for this to be a one time thing and then I never see you again.”

Joel’s brow furrows as he assures you, “Me neither, no, no baby, I wanna see you again. I want you to stay. I wanna stay. I wanna know you.”

You uncover your mouth to smile and your eyes twinkle, “You want to know me?”

“Wull… yeah.”

“That’s such a nice thing to say.”

“I mean it.”

“Well, I wanna know you, too.”

Joel’s contentedness pauses. He didn’t think about that part and he’s not sure if he wants you to know him. Yes, desperately, god yes he does, but, no, his soul is covered in soot. You shouldn't, he doesn’t want you to see him, know him, because he’s bad. 

“What’s that face?” You ask.

“What face?” 

“That face you just made. You don’t want me to know you?”

How did you read him like that? He’s not sure which side he should take with this so he says nothing. 

You sigh and blink, then place your hand on his cheek, stroking it with your thumb once. It’s warm and solid against his skin and flowers bloom in his chest. 

“If I’m gonna let you know me, you gotta let me know you. That’s the deal. I think we’re pretty similar, Joel.” You take another deep breath, “I haven’t had someone in this bed with me in a long time. I haven’t touched someone like this in… forever. I don’t like to let people get this close. I’m letting you get close, though. Because I really, really want to. But part of me really, really, doesn’t. For some reason, I trust you. I hate saying that. But I just do. I really like you, Joel. Maybe you’re gonna break my heart. I decided that that’s ok. I just really want to know you.” Your hand slides down to his neck, over his shoulder, then down to the middle of his sternum. “So, that’s the deal. If I’m gonna let you in, you gotta let me in.”

Joel isn’t sure why there are tears wetting his eyes. He wasn’t ready to be spoken to like this, to be cared about. The longing to hear words like these has long been buried and he never expected any of that to be fulfilled. He blinks the tears back, swallows hard, and murmurs a tender “Ok.” 

Your hand slides back up to caress his cheek. The affection in it floods him and he melts into the bed, eyes falling closed. When he opens them again, it’s like this is all there is; he can’t see anything else except for you, and those pink sheets, and the light behind you coming through the window. 

He can’t help this feeling of safety with you. He smiles. You smile back. 

You can’t make Boston any better, but now, Joel is taking his first clean breath of air, and it smells like you. The world is ugly, but love makes it bearable. And now you’re here, and he’ll wait to tell you, but he figured it out, he’s sure he loves you. 

…Metaphors and sex, sex and metaphors. 

[luvrrgirlllll]

July 4th ..

Thank u Tara Yummy & the Fourth of July party for this story! ;)

Part 1 of ?

Lmk if you want more. <3

Spicy / mature

•••

"The water proof mascara was the best idea!" Tara said as we hold onto the pool side

"I'm full of good ideas. You'll see." I say taking a drink of my watered down Malibu and pineapple. I need a refill and I'm guessing Tara does too because the way she's currently frowning at her cup.

"Jack and coke?" I reach grab her cup from her hand.

I hear the sliding glass door open to my left and there's only 3 people that haven't came through that door yet.

"Nick! You made it!" Tara shouted jumping up and down in the pool.

"Yeah sorry we had a problem with our mech site! It was ridiculous I don't know why Chris thought it was a good idea to have a drop on the 4th of July.." I can sense his eye roll as he walks up to us.

"Hey y/n!" Nick catches me before I start to make my way to the other side of the pool to get out and run away.

"Hey Nick! I'm going to get drinks. I shake the cups at him. "I'll be back! Do you want a water or anything?" I asking knowing him and his brothers don’t drink when they come to Tara’s parties.

"Oh yes please! Thanks!" He shouts.

At first I wasn't contemplating running away. I really was going to make drinks for me and Tara then come back, but now I'm tempted to climb over the wall like queen charlotte, but unlike her I wouldn't let some brown haired angelic boy stop me.

As I walk past the glass sliding doors I see there's tons of people inside now. When did so many people get here? I catch a glimpse of my royal blue bikini that clings to my body and I can't help but want to stop and check myself out because damn I look good. I got to open them sliding patio door

"Hey! Wait! The floor is soaking wet. He went to get a towel." I look up from the puddle of water and grass that covers the white title to see two sets of icy blue eyes staring back at me.

Well fuck. So much for climbing over the wall.

I back up a ways as Carington drops 2 towels down on the floor.

"Sorry I didn't realize I was still soaked from the pool." He laughed drunkenly and walked away.

I feel their iced stares cooling me down with each step I take towards their direction. Of course I need in the fridge and freezer and Chris is leaned up against the fridge in his famous hoodie and a pair of shorts matches with white air forces. while Matt is leaned up against the counter right next to the fridge in a Boston red white and blue star ball cap, a plain white t-shirt and a pain of Jean shorts and air maxes as well.

"Happy 4th y/n." Matt says not moving at all.

"Happy 4th!" Chris chimes in with a cheery voice making me half smile.

"Happy 4th!" I say past the tightness of my vocal cords. Standing in front of Chris my eyes meet his.

"I'm in your way aren't I? So sorry." He says sliding over to the other side of the fridge.

"Thanks." I say setting the cups down on the opposite side of Matt because he refuses to move.

Dick.

I open the fridge grabbing the pineapple juice. I open the freeze a little to hard hoping the fact that it almost smacked Matt in the face would give him the hint to move, but it doesn’t. His hand lands atop mine and the handle.

"Oops. Didn't see you there." I smile peeking over the door and I swear I hear him chuckle.

He releases my hand as I pull away to grab Malibu and ice tray. Can you get sun burn on the top of your hand? You can can't you because why else would my hand feel like it's on fire. Don't ask me why I have such complete opposite feelings for Matt then I do for Chris or Nick. There's just something about him that pisses me the fuck off.

~Maybe it's because you always want what you can't have.~ A voice in my head taunts me.

Shut up. I don't not want any part of Matthew Bernard Sturniolo.

"How's the party been so far?" Chris asks trying to make conversation.

"It's been fun. Played some beer pong. Won. Played corn hole. Won. Played chicken. Won." It's been great I say turning to put the ingredients back in their places. To my surprise the fridge and freezer were both opened. One door by Chris and one door by Matt.

"They have corn hole out there? We have to go play Matt." Chris says shutting the door.

"I don't think there's a game going on right now. Better hurry." I say flipping my half wet, but still curled brown hair behind my shoulders.

I grab our drinks and head towards the exit, but I know I'm not alone. I can feel both of them stalking behind me. I stop in my tracks and feel a brick wall slam against me.

"What are you doing?" I can feel Matt's annoyance from his words flowing over my shoulders.

"I forgot your brother wanted a water." I said sliding from behind him and turning a complete 180 to avoid his eye contact.

"Why are you such a dick too her" I hear Chris's low voice fade under the music and as I walk father into the kitchen to grab a water out of the fridge. I take a few deep breaths trying not to break my composure and go completely off on Matt.

I met the triplets 2 weeks ago. We all hit it off extremely well the first 2 nights. Then the 3rd night Tara had Nick and I over for a sleep over. Chris and Matt were out of town at the time. Then 2 days ago is when Matt's whole demeanor towards me changed. So I mutually returned the favor and the past 3 days have been nothing but constant ticks of the bomb that's about to explode inside of me.

Some random guy opened and shut the door for me as I made my way back to my friends.

"I thought you took the bottle and ran away." Tara laughed.

"Tempting, but I knew you'd be mad at me later for drinking all of the alcohol." I smiled as I sat down beside Nick handing him his water and her her cup.

As I took a huge gulp of the mixture in my cup the laughter and music filled my ears and instantly calmed me back down. I may have stole a shot or 2 from the bottle while grabbing Nick's water. But it's fine.

After what feels like an hour of chatting with Nick and Tara and all the other random people I hadn’t met. Everyone telling Tara what an amazing party this is and how beautiful her new house is. I feel like I've been baking in the sun. I decide I want to get back in the pool, but I have to pee first and my cup is empty, so a pit stop for a refill on my way to the bathroom is in my near future. I pull my self up from the hot cement and instantly feel the Malibu hit me. Shit.

"Are you going to pee? I have to pee too!" Tara says.

"Yes I'm breaking the seal & switching to water." I say picking my cup up from the ground.

"I need another water, I'll get us some while you guys go to the bathroom." Nick offers.

"Nick, you're so sweet." I look over at where Chris and Matt are playing corn hole with a couple others. Just the sight of his perfect glowing smile makes me want to smack him. I feel my blood literally boiling and before I can think the words fall straight from my mouth

"You know, Chris is super sweet too, but what happened to Matt? Maybe I'd be more attracted to him if he showed somewhat of a sweet side, but it's just not there and it's very disappointing." My arms crossed as I star at the beautiful boy across the yard from me. I look down as I hear Tara giggle and I look down at her wide smile and Nick is trying not to laugh too.

Fuck. "Im going to pee." I say again walking away.

"Wait y/n!” I hear Tara climbing out of the pool running after me.

I shut the bathroom door behind us and I can just feel Tara's questions invading my brain. It's like she's reading my mind.

"Please don't look at me like that."  I say taking a seat on the tub while she occupies the toilet.

"Im not looking at you like anything, but I don't know why you don't shoot your shot. You know almost everyone at this party is single. He's definitely your type?" She questions.

"That's the problem. He is my type, but he was all sweet at first and now he's been a dick to me the last 2 times we've all hung out. I didn't want to say anything because they are your friends. I've just been trying to ignore him."

"You don't ignore people that are mean to you. You silently get revenge. I think you forget I've known you since you were 8 years old." Tara teases.

We swap seats and I can't help but smile at the thought. She's not wrong. I do enjoy driving people crazy especially when they started it. It's not like I thought Matt and I were going to ever be anything, but friends, but since he's trying to make an enemy out of me then an enemy he shall get.

"Y/n, I know that look and I know that things are about to get very interesting." She says touching up her makeup in the mirror.

"We'll see." I say flushing the toilet and meeting her in the mirror to check my makeup out as well. My face is tan, with a bit of pink tones to it letting me know I definitely got some sun today.

We make it back down stairs and it seems like everyone has cleared out of the house. I look at the clock on the stove. It's after 6pm and I feel my stomach rumbling. I take a seat on the counter

"I'm hungry." I say watching Tara grab our mixed drink ingredients out to pour her up another drink.

"Wanna share this one since the bottle will be gone after this?" She offers.

"Sure why not."

I don't know if I really should drink anymore considering the words I spilled about Matt. I'm sure they will get me in trouble later. I don't know, maybe it's the alcohol, but Tara is right. He is my type and any other time I'd be trying hard to get his attention or get him to notice me, but I also told myself when I moved out here I wouldn't be that girl anymore. I'd have respect for myself and I wouldn't just let any guy have his way with me because he said a few nice words. Maybe it's a good thing Matt started being an ass because I was ready to show my interest but that next day he came back from being out of town and he was being so rude it made me shut back down. I feel my cheeks heating up and I can't tell if it's because of being in the sun all day or if I'm blushing or if I'm getting mad at him or if I'm mad at myself for thinking he was different. I hate drinking.

The clinic of the bottle hitting another in the trash can brought me back to reality.

"I'm hungry too. I was thinking we could go to the food trucks along the board walk and then watch fire works on the beach? That's where everyone's headed." She waved another empty bottle around putting emphasis on the vacant living room before dropping the bottle it in the trash can with another loud clinic.

"That sounds like fun!" I said hoping of the counter.

"We can leave here in a few? I want to get all these mother fuckers out of my house first." We laughed as I helped her pick up the living room a little bit before we headed back out to the pool.

Standing by the pool, I take a look around and Matt and Chris are no where to be found there's not to many people out here now either.

"Tara! We'll meet you-

Before I could register what happened or let out a scream my head was under water.

Someone just pushed me into the pool.

When I emerged my eyes immediately lock on the familiar ice from before, but this time the blue has faded and they are more grey.

Matt just pushed me into the pool and by the smirk on his face and Chris and Nicks hands covering their mouth. I can tell it was on purpose.

I swim over to the side without a word and no one else is brave enough to slice the tension either.

A hand is extended and I look up to see Matt's eyes again. Parts of me wants to cuss him out and a slim part of me wants to cry because I don't know what I did for him to be so mean to me. Plus my hair is ruined and will need washed tonight now.

"Thank god for water proof mascara" Tara dared to speak as she stood next to Nick.

A part of me wanted to break down and cry for being embarrassed and pushed in the pool by this asshole for absolutely no reason, but instead I decide to “play nice”. I take Matt's hand and let him start to pull me up as I use my other hand to help pull myself up a little bit.

"Let me help you since Chris made me-

I grab his hand with both of mine putting all of my weight on pulling him down straight down into the pool with me.

I didn't make it to the stairs before a hand gripped my ankle pulling me back under the water. Under the water is silent and peaceful when you're not fighting for your life. I feel the release of my ankle, but arms make their way around my waist holding me tight. My back feelings like it's up against a solid block of concrete. We are both out of the water and I try to catch my breath but it was cut short by the water running in my nose. Did this asshole just body slam me in the water? I push my way out of his grasp and swim fast up to the surface. Coughing the water out my nose and lungs Matt surfaces in front of me.

"Matt what the hell is wrong with you?"

I'm trying to keep myself up, but I can't see. My eyes are burning and we are in the deep end because I can't touch even on my tip toes. This water isn’t warm anymore compared to Matt's warm arms wrapping around me once more.

"Let me go you ass wipe!" I shout. Is he laughing at me?

I'm scared to open my eyes. I feel the sting of the tears wanting to break free. I manage to bring an eye open and I see my hand is covered in black mascara.

Don't break. Not now. Not here. Not around him.

"I thought this was water proof mascara Tara!" I shout again coughing the rest of the water up

"They are gone." I hear Matt say.

"Gone? Where the hell did-" they left us to go to the boardwalk and the fire works.

"Your makeup is everywhere." Matt states the obvious his arms loosen around me but don't quite let go even though I can fully touch the bottom now so I know he can.

"No shit. My eyes are on fire from the chlorine and the mascara." I feel tears escaping, but Matt wouldn’t be able to notice. This is so embarrassing and we are here alone. Why would they leave me here alone with him. Especially after I just told Tara he's been such a dick to me lately.

"Come here." I hear Matt’s irritation floating around me once again.

Before I have time to protest my arms are forced around Matt's neck and my legs are wrapped around his waist. At this point I'm too exhausted to argue instead I lay my head on his shoulder. I can't lie, his hands on my bare thighs is sending the remaining butterflies in my stomach up in chaos.

We climb out of the pool and my reflexes make me cling to him tighter. I hope I'm not too heavy for him the water probably made me feel like I was 20 lbs. He doesn't let me go. Instead his grip tightens a bit, I would be lying if I didn't say his grip on my thigh didn't hurt a little bit. I don't know what I would do if his soaked shirt wasn't the only things between us being skin to skin.

"Hold on to me.” He whispers in my ear.

I do as I'm told. He lets go of one of my under thighs picking something up from the ground. A second later a towel is placed around my body.

Before I know it we are inside the house heading towards the guest bedroom which is where I'm staying for right now. Matt tucks the towel under me, careful not to touch my pretty much bare ass thanks to my skimpy swim suit. He places me down on the counter in the guest bathroom and the switches the light on. Immediately I hear him laugh and I pull my wrapped up hands and towel to my face.

"Where is your makeup remover stuff?" I can see his smile as I peek through the towel

I blinked my eyes a bit under the towel. They still sting but not as bad.

"It should be in my bag by the vanity. It looks like a yellow bottle of water and then I have a makeup remover cloth in there too it's pink with strawberries on it."  I hear him ruffling through my bag before I finish my sentence.

"Okay here." He says coming back into the bathroom

"Thanks you can go now. I'm sure you need to go home and change before you miss the fireworks." I say hoping of the counter with my eyes glued to the floor.

I turn around and look in the mirror. I look terrible. The tears aren't stopping. One roll down and then another. How embarrassing.

"I see a figure move closer to me in the mirror." I didn't even think to make sure Matt was gone. I just figured he walked out when he brought me my stuff.

"Why are you crying?" He bends down to pick up the towel I dropped on the floor.

"I'm not crying. My eyes just burn." I say whiling my face with my strawberry cloth. Watching as the black under my face and the stains on my cheeks disappear a little more with each wipe. His eye roll says it all as he turns to walk out of the bathroom.

I listen as his footsteps fade away from the bathroom door but I can't hear anything else past the exhaust fan. The tears slipping down seems to be making the make up come off a little easier. I really feel so humiliated. I know it's only mascara, but really? I had to look like a rabid raccoon in front of a cute boy and he had to laugh at me about it! The tears are coming like a water fall now. Screw the food truck and the fire works. I'm taking a shower and going to bed.

I jump down from the counter and turn the water on. I wipe the tears from my face and I grab a clean towel from the cabinet under the sink and make my way over to the shower

"Are you taking a shower?"

"OH MY GOSH MATT! I thought you left." I shout throwing my towel at him. He catches it with one hand and the other is placed on the towel wrapped around his hips. Since the makeup is cleared from my eyes I can see his hair is still soaked, but his body is dry and bare now.

"Take a picture y/n, it'll last longer." He says tucking his towel tighter before folding up the one I threw at him. My eyes roll to the clear back of my head. His ego is vomit worthy.

He makes his way closer to me not taking his eyes off of me as he grows closer. I stand my ground with my stare on his. I'm not breaking my composure. I'm sick of him and his ego. Being a jerk to me and then carrying my from the pool, into the house up the stairs with a death grip on my under thighs. I feel the places where his hands where starting to sting. Remembering his touch.

Craving his touch.

No. Stop.

He places the towel over the top of the shower so I can grab it from the inside when I'm done. The warm water is heating up the bathroom quickly.

"I put my clothes in the dryer. If you hurry you can ride with me to the boardwalk and we can grab some food. We have a little while before the fireworks start." He says. I don't know when he got so close to me put drops from his hair slide down my breasts as he hovers over me.

He broke his stare for a split second watching the water trail down my chest. A smirk finds its way to my lips. I won.

"Take a picture Matthew. It'll last longer." I lean up and whisper in his ear. I can't help but let out a small chuckle and turn to the shower.

A familiar death grip finds its way around my wrists. Matt spins me around to face him. The storm in his eyes is a heavy grey blue.

"I keep trying to hate you, but the more I try the closer it brings me to you. Can you explain why that is sweetheart?"

My nose fills with the scent of mint.

"Maybe because deep down, you don't really want to hate me at all." I whisper back trying to keep my breath steady as I feel his grip tighten on my wrists.

In a flash my back is slammed up against the wall next to the shower and my wrists are pinned above my head. I feel the heat growing between my legs and I'm trying everything to keep cool as Matt stares me down waiting for me to break. It's like he wants me to crumble under him and his touch, but I won't. I can't.

His dips his head down brushing his nose against my jawline. I feel his warm breath against my neck and the wetness of his tongue as he slides its down my neck to my collarbone.

"Maybe. Maybe not." He catches the lobe of my ear with his teeth.

"I can tell by the way your body is starting to melt into me that you don't hate me as much as you wish you did either." I feel his warm hand tracing up my bare back and within a second my top is lose and sitting a top my boobs.

"Matthew.." I whisper.

"If you want me to stop. Tell me now." He grips on me everywhere loosens a bit.

"Y/n." He says firmly making my eyes fly open.

"Do you-"

"No Matthew. I don't want you to stop." I say breathlessly waiting for his touch to be more firm against me again, but it doesn't. Instead he drops my hands and takes a step back. Making me frown.

"Are you serious?" I say as he drops his hands to his sides.

"Your mouth is going to get you in trouble sweetheart." I smile at him and he returns the smile with a devious smirk.

His hands find their way to the sides of my bath suit top pulling it up and over my head revealing my breasts fully to him. I've never felt insecure around a guy before, but I've also not been fully naked in front of one in a long time.

"You're so beautiful." His beautiful blue eyes are calmer then before

He picks me up wrapping my legs around his waist.

"Matthew! Give a girl a warning before you just pick her up and carry her around." I laugh. He moves so quickly I don't even have time to think about what he's doing and I'm already set down in front of the bed. His hands find their way into my damp hair fisting it fully.

"Why are you so mouthy?" He taunts my neck with his lips and tongue again.

"I'm not I just speak my mind." I tease. I find my hands on his hips. His body is burning up. His skin is so soft as I let my hands explore all around as he trails kisses from my collarbone up to my neck and then my jaw. He holds us there as we both try and steady our breaths. I want him. I need him.

"Will you please just kiss me already?" I beg and I break.

I knew I'd get a smile out of him with that one, but I didn't think it'd look as genuine as it did. I was sure I'd receive a cocky smirk with a No and then he'd leave me hanging like this is all some kind of game, but he didn't pull away. He didn't laugh at me for giving into him instead he gently pulled my head to his and dipped down placing the gentlest of kisses on my lips.

•••

Hope you enjoyed <3

Part 2??

[spicyvampire]

Hi, since GMM has many Thai BL series, just wondering, do you have favorites from them? If you do, do you have 10 you like most so far?

I do not have the best relationship with GeeMeeMee but over the years they have provided some tasty bls here and there, I'll try to give you a little top 10

1.Not Me (2021)

To me that's like the best GeeMeeMee show ever made, great activism story, all the storylines are compelling, it gets accidentally funny with the twins stuff and the fact that Yok the resident arsonist is tryna fuck that cop so bad, but with Yok's help Dan finished realizing that he was part of a system that was beyond fixing and it was better to get himself free of it than staying, honestly has one of the best storyline and character development ever written in a bl

2. 3 Will Be Free (2019)

A gay mafia son, a stripper and a gogo bar manager walk into a bar, shenanigans ensue. To this day, the only GeeMeeMee show to have given me an endgame throuple and frankly one of the only cannon throuples we have in bl

3. Moonlight Chicken (2023)

By god Wen fucked that old man in the chicken shop, but in all seriousness this bl probably has the best breakup storyline I've ever seen in any media ever, it's a truly masterpiece; also we saw the story of a deaf character who uses sign language and that's not something you see often in bl tbh, wish we had more Gaipa and Alan but you take what u can get

4. Cherry Magic Thailand (2023)

Honestly this one took me by surprise, I'm not a fan of remakes but they did a really good job adapting those japanese characters to a Thailand setting while keeping some of the japanese background there, and go a bit further and deeper than the original did with some of the characters

5. Wandee Goodday (2024)

This one was my obsession for the last few weeks, unfortunately I think the show lost some momentum around the middle of it, and it needed more balance on some stuff, like one of Dee's big trauma wasn't even resolved even if they showed it affecting him pretty severely at least twice, while we spend like almost the whole 2nd half of the show on Yak's, overall very silly and enjoyable and also nice asexuality representation which is not something you see often in bl

6. The Eclipse (2022)

I'm not really a high school boy bl type of person and I usually avoid them but they got me with this one, I think Akk's storyline ressemble Dan's a lot in the sense that he had to realize he was part of a system that is bad and is using him to maintain a bad status quo and then had to free himself from it even if that's all he's ever known, Ayan is of course of a great help with his flirtiness, shenanigans and overall fuck the rules attitude

7. Bad Buddy (2021)

Thai bl's Romeo and Juliet, what I loved the most about this one was the attention put on the dynamics of Pran and Pat and their respective families, and how even if they didn't succeed in changing their fighting parents minds, they stayed together and continued to love each other because at the end of the day, the love was between them and it had nothing to do with their parents

8. He's coming to me (2019)

I love me a ghost story like any other guy, so this was right up my lane, I gotta admit it's been like 4 years since I've seen this so I don't remember the storyline clearly, but it left a good impression on me, so much that years later I still think of it as good

9. Only Friends (2023)

Top 10 messiest friend group ever created, this could have been higher on the list if they didn't do Boston dirty in the very last goddamn episode of the show

10. Dark Blue Kiss (2019)

I honest to god remember nothing about the mains but this show has the best coffee shop au in the ql universe and it's from 2019, SunMork chemistry is just firing all over the place, definitely my favorite Gawin ost too

[kroosluvr]

"an inside look into shujin academy's famed 'royal trio'" fic notes

link to the fic / link to tumblr post / link to tumblr ART!! post

this is going to be LONGGGG just all of my rambles/easter eggs(??) AND ETC. Not mandatory reading i kinda just want to write this for me to refer back to in like a few years or whatever hehehe

it is def confusing that i called shujin tennis academy that instead of giving it a diff name but i wanted to be a little tongue-in-cheek

mishima is a wannabe sports reporter, but maya amano (+ yukino mayuzumi) r already established sports reporters @ coolest magazine! :3 small cameo(sorta) at the end

goro does not want mishima out of a job he just hates interviews. he knows he HAS to do them though, and generally he's only featured alongside akira or sumire or both bc otherwise he doesnt wanna do em. for reasons i will elaborate on in futchure fics or art

i wanted to keep the mishima-using-akira-(SORTA)-for-popularity that canon has bc i always thought that was funny!!! since akira is so popular everyone's gotta read mishima's articles for info abt him....

'Ran donuts around ‘em' -> donuts is slang for straight sets (winning 6-0 6-0). incidentally, i've heard 'donut' used mostly in the PNW area while 'bagel' is used more in PNE. could be wrong. source: californian and i played college tennis in boston

generally, akira is always first seed while goro is second seed. sometimes the ranking is a littleeee inexplicable but it usually turns out this way when theyre in the same tournament

in general i wanted to emphasize the weird codependency needy attached-at-the-hip but we also hate eachother sort of "teammates"/friends(???) relationship that you develop in competitive sports... so all the "romantic" gestures throughout the fic can kinda just be boiled down to that. like, in a Normal context, maybe it'd be considered romantic, but in a "im fucking fiending for my life on a tennis court" context then it's just tuesday

sumire IS a walking ITF (international tennis federation) handbook. for reasons i will elaborate on in futchure fic/art! but she takes tennis very VERY seriously. (goro also takes it VERY seriously and akira takes it seriously.)

goro lets sumire call him by his first name abt 3 months into training w her at the academy (with him and akira its like within the first match bc theyre already at eachothers throats LMAO) after her landslide victory! thats when he kinda acknowledges her as a teammate i guess? beforehand they were just hitting partners

anyway the idea of "teammate" in competitive, individual, professional tennis is very fun and interesting to me as u can tell. LMAO. and like "what makes a Friend" versus A Teammate in terms of pro athletics

goro gets embarrassed when akira lets sumire sleep in their room not because of the actual fact of her sleeping there but because he doesn't WANT her to see him with his guard down. she always sees him on the court, ready to conquer his opponents, top-notch quality tennis, etc so he's mortified that she saw him Like that (just woken up LOL) though ofc she doesnt think anythign of it bc shes just like yayyyy tennis yayyy

Yup whenever u see a ping pong table u gotta round up all ur tennis oomfs and duel it out (i suck at ping pong....)

sumire being hard on akira and goro's tennis is kinda peak to me LOL she takes this sport so serious

AKIRA MISHIMA FRIENDSHIP MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. aside i read a few akira x mishima fics lately so theyve been buzzing in my head... important ...

dats a real club that i played at... one of my fav tournaments even though i played at like 8:30am or smth and it sucked. but it was reallyyy pretty and quite a drive

sumire + kasumi one-sided rivalry drives me insane ESP in tennis au, they're literally in two different fucken universes when it comes to athletics yet sumire is still deathly intimidated by her

goro picking fights w akira and sumire YAYYYYYYYYYY <3 and sumire boiling "friendship" down to "we play tennis well together" is so peak. yeahhh angst

"why do you play tennis" / "do you love tennis" / "what do you like about tennis" r such difficult questions. i read up on some pro interviews and they hurt me physically broooo like... it seems like a rarely asked question and you get a lot of common answers but u also get stuff that just breaks ur heart

aside, this convo btwn goro and sumire is very accomplice violetcrow to me. they're complicit in their hatred and their violence and their self-destruction except its very very very self contained to a couple of lines on a hard court (and sometimes grass if we're feeling special.) they truly hunger for number 1!!!!

i really like this section LMAO its probably my favorite.

woahhh shido mention. wonder what thats abt. TO BE CONTINUED

usual jokercrow scare tactics. mating dance type situation (sumire is used to this and doesnt think anything of it) like i said its like stuff that'd be DEFINITELY romantic and flirty in a normal context but in sports when things are highly charged and emotional and you're neck to neck it's less so. (obviously it still kinda is but this is what i mean in that u could totally read this whole fic platonically all the way around if u wanted to)

"Sumire hadn’t responded to that. She had practice to get to, after all." yupppp why would sumire spend time on anything thats not tennis? shes not number 1 yet, so how can she afford to waste time? 8)

akira/mishima playing basketball at the end IMPORTANCE!! also had to include akira stealing shit obviously. BUT YEAH i think its so important that akira finally gathers the idea that like... woah.. my life extends beyond the tennis court.. i can have HOBBIES.. and FRIENDS.... and hes the first of the 3 to realize that. sumire takes ages and goro also does (but quicker than sumire.) and also callback to when mishima said he missed him!!

Q6. Do you love tennis? Haha. haha. haha. yeah mishima ur not asking that one. that's hell ur walking into

[b00tyliciousbabe]

Guys who could rearrange and flood my guts…pt 1

Welcome to the new hit series, “Guys who I need to clap tf out of my fat ass cheeks.” DISCLAIMER: do not judge me, i fantasise a lot but (unfortunately) irl I ain’t done anything (yet 🤭)

Logan Mandeville

WARNING: THIS IS LONG AF AND NOT PROOFREAD BUT ENJOY.

This guy just gives off BDE, I mean look at him; the toned abs, the strong arms, the body hair - he’s a fucking unit. In my opinion, he’s ugly hot as well, one of my biggest weaknesses. I’m from the UK and he legit looks like one of those white chavs/roadmen that would spark you if you even looked at them, and I find that so attractive. Ughhh I can just imagine him talking so tough and chavvy 😩 but at the same time I can picture him with a Boston accent and that literally makes me wanna suck the soul out of his dick. I kinda think I’m projecting my dream guy qualities onto him because I find him so leng but idc because I love it MWAHAHAAAA

Keeping the roadman aesthetic, I keep fantasing abt sucking him off in his tracksuit and eventually him piping me on the hood of his car. Let’s visualise, he looks like a Liam so for the sake of smut that’s what we are gonna call him…

(setting the scene: you guys are at a party)

It was a cool autumn night,

“Babe you look so fit tonight.” Your boyfriend said grabbing your waist and pulling your lips together. He had always loved seeing you in his brown leather jacket, it looked so big on you, but everyone loved how you styled the look. The kiss lasted for what felt like forever. The lights, the music, the people all drowned out, the only think that mattered rn was the two of you. “So do you,” you said as he stopped tongue fucking your mouth.

See the relationship u had with him was something special. From the moment he laid eyes on you, Liam wanted you to be his. Everyone at school loved you - the nerds, the band kids, the cheerleaders even the students who were basically alienated. What wasn’t to love? All of them…except the homophobes 🤮🤮, and since Liam was captain of the football team, he was guilty by association. That didn’t stop you from finding him attractive. You guys were never even meant to meet. But the day your lives became the storyline of an American teen show and he needed to raise his grade in English, was the day you both SAW each other.

“I’m never going to be as smart as you, no one can compare to the way you are.” Liam told you, and if you weren’t black, you would’ve even as bright as a tomato. “Look at me, you are gonna ace that test, you’re smarter than you give yourself credit for Li” You smiled at him, the eye contact just increasing the sexual tension between you two. “Tell you what,” he said licking his lips whilst staring at you twirling your hair and marking his essay, “if I pass this exam” “WHENNN” you interrupted, “when I pass this exam, would you wanna, maybe go on a date?” You smiled at him so innocently, “Of course, but it means you have to get at least 70%” “70%!! I’m barely pushing 50, omds.” Stop talking negatively, i want you to pass more than you think I do, now more than ever” I defended as Liam smirked at your newfound interest in being with him. Your bf went onto get a 87% in the exam, 2nd highest to ur 98%, and ofc that meant you had to go on a date.

(BACK TO THE STORY) you left him to chat to his teammates who loved your relationship, talk abt growth 👏👏 you went to talk to some of your best friends and the vibe was just so good. Everyone was dancing to the Weeknd. It was crazy in a good way obv. All of a sudden the captain of your school’s rival team starts touching on you. “yooo chill, don’t touch on me like that,” you said and your friends helped you to forget about him. “He’s such a perv, as if you would do anything,” they said “I know right, like I know I look good but come on” you attested. But he didn’t stop and Liam could see you were uncomfortable from the other side of the room. He stared with anger, as he downed his shot of whiskey. He moved towards you. “Is there a problem here babe,” he kissed your cheek as he hugged you from behind. “Nah, Li there’s no issue,” you smiled smugly at the dickhead who tried moving to you. “Can we go love?” You stared up at him. “Of course.” He said gripping your waist tighter, your eyes calming him down. You held his hand, rubbing his forearm to soothe him. “Yh Liam, listen to your lil (f-slur) bitch,” The whole party turned silent. He stopped walking, and you looked back at him to see he was fuming. “Li-Li, just ignore him,” you said with teary ish eyes and shallowed breath. He wiped your cheek. “You go I’ll see you in a bit,” He signalled to your friends to take you outside. “No, I ain’t leaving without you” you gripped his hand. “Babe, I’ll be out in a minute, just go”. Your friends helped you get out of there. The rest was a blur; You remember that your man walked out of that house with a bloodied shirt and blood covered broken knuckles, but at least he was consciously walking, and didn’t have to spend 6 months on life support, limping with a leg that would never kick the same. But hey, no one messes with you.

[callsignspark]

holding hands during a stressful situation for the intimacy prompts with Mary and Bradley!!

hi anon! thanks for sending this one!! I got the best idea for this and I loved the way it turned out!

surprise?

pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mariella “M&M” Vertucci (fem!OC)

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, mentions of cancer, pregnancy, alluding to abortion, this is set once they’re already together, so many goddamn pet names, also you don’t need to read Mar[r]y Me to read and understand this but you should anyway

word count: 1.6k

note: I'm wandering somewhere around Boston at the moment, but please enjoy this! I'll be lurking when I can so please send stuff! I’ll see you on Monday!

“Honey, please sit down.” Mary is trying her best to be comforting, even as she feels the annoyance creeping up in her chest.

I know you’re scared, but I’m fucking terrified. Is what she wants to yell at him; it’s been a tense week, and his pacing is not helping her anxiety.

But she doesn’t.

She knows how stressed Bradley has been, how stressed he is. He’s kept a brave face on for the girls, but now that it’s just the two of them, she can feel his emotions bouncing off the walls.

“Okay, so based on what you’ve told me, I think our best course of action is to run some tests and see what’s going on.”

“Could it be cancer?”

“Mr. Bradshaw, I won’t speculate on what it could be, there are several things that-”

“I’m just asking if it’s a possibility. Her family doesn’t have a history of cancer, but they’re also not the best at going to the doctor, so who knows.”

Doctor Hong leans back on the stool, crossing her arms over her chest. She must see the terrified look in his eyes because she softens. “Mr. Bradshaw, like I said. It could be several different things that are causing these symptoms. I won’t lie to you; there is a possibility that it could be cancer. But we don’t want to worry about that until we officially have a diagnosis. Other than her recent problems, Mary is very healthy, and I’m confident that we’ll be able to handle whatever is going on.”

Her words during Monday’s appointment had done little to comfort Bradley. He had spent the entire week with his eyebrows creased. It’s Friday, and Mary is starting to worry that it’s going to be a permanent expression on his face.

They both took the day off, leaving the girls in the care of Grandma and Grandpa Mitchell before heading to the healthcare complex. Mary had spent most of the morning going through the tests Dr. Hong had ordered.

Blood pressure.

Urine test.

Blood work.

Pap smear.

Abdomen ultrasound.

Then, she was released and informed that the doctor would review her results that afternoon and call them if anything urgent showed up.

Her phone rang halfway to the house.

Bradley made the first u-turn he could legally make, tires squealing, and now they’re waiting in an office. Mary’s leg bouncing as Bradley paces up and down, across the carpet and back, tenser than she had ever seen him.

“Please come sit with me.” The shake in her voice finally getting him to stop.

“I’m sorry.” He mummers, grabbing her hand and squeezing. “I’m just scared.”

“Me too, Bradley. But it’ll be okay.”

“You can’t promise-”

“Honey, we’ve handled a lot. We’ll get through whatever this is, okay? Because it’s us. We made vows to each other, and I’m not done with you yet.” Her voice cracks on the last part, tears springing to both of their eyes.

“Fuck, I’m supposed to be comforting you, baby doll. I’m sorry I’ve been such a bad husband this week.”

“I get it, honey, it’s okay. It’s a bit too similar to your mom for comfort.”

“But that doesn’t make it okay! Shit. I wish I could talk to my parents about this. Dad wasn’t there, but I know he would have been so much better about this than me!”

Mary pulls him in, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Breathe, handsome. We don’t know what’s going on yet.”

“Baby doll, I don’t want to sound like a paranoid asshole, but them calling us less than twenty minutes after we left can’t be good.”

Dr. Hong enters the room, cutting off any further worrying. “Hi guys, thanks for coming back in so quickly. Just let me get your file pulled up, and we’ll go through the results.”

It’s a tense few minutes, the clacking of the keyboard grating on the couple’s nerves, before the practitioner turns to them and folds her hands on the big oak desk.

“I reviewed your test results, and everything came back normal. We did find something on the ultrasound.” Bradley’s hand starts to crush Mary’s. “But it’s nothing to worry about. If you could just look at the screen right here.”

All three heads swivel to the monitor on the wall, a grainy black-and-white image showing up. “So everything looks healthy in here, Mary. The only thing we found was a baby. Congratulations, mom and dad! It looks like you’re about-”

Dr. Hong keeps talking, explaining how far along Mary is and what the baby's due date will be, but it’s white noise to the Bradshaws, blood rushing in their ears.

“I’m sorry, wait.” Bradley croaks. “She’s pregnant?”

“Yes, it looks like you’re about 13 weeks along. And everything is very healthy.”

“I don’t- I- I don’t…” Mary trails off, her heart racing at the news. “A baby?”

“Yes. If my interpretation of the scans is correct, you’re thirteen weeks pregnant.” Dr. Hong talks slower, used to patients’ shock at unexpected news.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Bradley can hardly catch his breath. “I had a vasectomy last year. I did all the follow-ups and was cleared. How is she pregnant? I mean, we’ve been having a lot of sex, but I’m shooting blanks.”

She’s heard a lot of things in her time as a healthcare professional, but for the first time in her career, Stacey Hong is unsure how to proceed. Mainly because if she opens her mouth, she’s afraid she’ll start laughing at the horrified look on her patient’s face. She has to bite her tongue when Mary slaps her husband’s arm, hissing his name as her face turns red.

Breathe. Don’t laugh. These are some of your nicest patients. Don’t laugh at them. Breathe.

She pushes through, ignoring the last part of his question and addressing the real issue. “Vasectomies are a very effective form of birth control, but unfortunately, they aren’t 100% effective. About 1 in every 1,000 vasectomies fail, and that failure usually reveals itself within the first year following the procedure. So you’re right in that timeframe.”

“Oh my god. Oh my god.” Bradley bends over his knees, running his fingers through his hair before bouncing up like a Jack in the Box. “Mary? How are you feeling? You okay, honey?”

“I’m- I… I don’t know. So, all my symptoms were pregnancy-related? This is not how I was with the twins.”

“Every pregnancy is unique, so it’s not unusual that this time would be different than it was with your girls. We’ll have to wait for the results of your pap smear to be completely sure, but I’m fairly confident that we can attribute everything - including the exhaustion - to your pregnancy.” Dr. Hong stands up. “I’m sorry to rush you, but I do have another appointment to get to. I’ll have Ashley set up a follow-up appointment and get you set up in the system for this pregnancy. They can print off some ultrasound photos at the front if you'd like them. I’ll see you soon; congratulations again, you guys!”

They move at a snail’s pace, slowly making their way to the front desk in a daze. Mary stuffs the informational folder in her purse and grabs Bradley’s hand as they walk to the Bronco. They sit there staring at each other for a few minutes before Bradley pulls the ultrasound photos out of the folder.

“Another baby…” He stares in awe at the low-quality screenshots. “How are you feeling? I know we decided we were done after the girls, but this obviously changes things.”

“Are we too old to have another kid? We were already older when we had the girls, but we’re really gonna be old when this one comes.”

“So we had kids a bit later in life.” He shrugs, shuffling over the bench seat towards his favorite person. “We’re still the cool parents in our forties.”

The laugh she lets out is wet, tears streaming down her face. “Hey, are you okay? If this isn’t what you want, we don’t have to do this, Mary. I’m happy with either way.”

“No, it’s not that, Bradley. I know it’s not what we planned, but now that we’re here, I absolutely want this.” She squeezes his hand. “It’s just hitting me again that I never thought I’d get this life. A wonderful husband who supports me so much. A little group of kids.”

“Still no dog, though.” He mummers, kissing her tears away. “You think Lily will accept a baby brother instead of a puppy?”

“You think it’s a boy?”

“Yeah, I just have a feeling. Do we still have that list of baby names? We’re gonna need it again.”

“Mav is gonna cry again, huh?”

“Give me a minute, and I will be too.”

The kisses they exchange are tender, identical to the ones they shared after they found out she was pregnant with the twins. Happiness radiates through the car.

“There is just one thing I need you to do.” Mary pulls back, smiling as Bradley presses kisses against her face, excitedly whispering about how they’re going to be parents again.

“Anything for you. Whatever you need, mama.”

“You have to call Dr. Lewis on Monday and schedule another vasectomy. This has to be the last one, or we’ll be 60 and still popping out kids.”

“You’d be so sexy as a pregnant 60-year-old.”

“Bradley…”

“I’ll call first thing, baby doll. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She kisses him with all the love she has. “Let’s go tell our family we have a new member coming to join us in February.”

@gretagerwigsmuse | @bobfloyds | @hangmanbrainrot | @notroosterbradshaw | @princessphilly | @roleycoleyreccenter | @thesewordsareallihavetogive | @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby | @katieshook02 | @hellojameshowyadoin | @aristotles-butthole | @atarmychick007 | @whatislovevavy | @kmc1989 | @sometimesanalice

fic tag | Mar[r]y Me masterlist | credit for dividers here

[morn1e]

Postal guy and Marnie lore NEOW ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

i have sort of written abt their dynamic so will use this ask 2 talk abt headcanons i have 4 these 2😁😁😁😁😁sorta long so undercut it goes

-marnie comes from maryland (grew up in maryland, lived/studied medicine in boston b4 relocating to arizona), dude grew up in utah but has spent a good chunk of his life in arizona

-marnie is fluent in german&used 2 b also fluent in latin&french but overtime has gotten a bit rusty in latin. french she refuses to relearn it bcuz it is stupid but does somewhat understand it still. dude thinks it is damn ridiculous&some rich people crap she knows this many languages&genuinely gets angry when she talks in latin bcuz he does not get a single thing that is being said.

-both her&dude know beginner spanish, enough 2 hold a very very basic conversation i guess

-marn is 37&dude is 38 :) old freaks.

-marnie is a double doctor bcuz she has a med degree&a phd in biochemistry. she now works in general surgery in paradise bcuz it pays her bills+lets her life comfortably&she has to pay off student loans. actually really gifted in surgery&it is definitely something she is super good at it. but genuinely regrets she wasted so much of her early&general adulthood studying medicine bcuz in the end it bcame the thing she hates the most

-marnies full name is maureen montgomery😁. family always called her maureen&work always refers to her as dr montgomery. dude is the 1st&last person in her life who calls her by a nickname. she does not like the nickname bcuz it feels so out of place but has grown to accept it.it is special. will not let any1 else call her marnie&dude will get pissy if some1 else calls her marnie bcuz it is like their own little thing. dudes name is literally "the postaI dude jr.". this is genuinely canon for those who do not know. however i do really like the idea of his 1st name being parkley.a stupid babyish name he is embarrassed to go by. but idk i think the 1st option is ten times funnier. marn still calls him dude all the time.

-marnie grew up on a farm in maryland with rather loud redneck parents. a complete contrast in personality to marn. an only child but with a lot of relatives. her childhood was alright i guess. dude grew up in various trailer parks across utah. very strict&mean father which is why he despises him so much&a spineless mom who always took dads side. he always got along w his uncle (uncle dave) the most which his father really disapproved of bcuz dave always was involved in very shady things&got dude to help him in them. most likely an only child too.

-marnie became a doctor in the first place because she was genuinely gifted in being smart and had huge ambitions. she wanted to be better than anybody else in her family. sorta like a living legend. she had this attitude up until mid residency where her nature of being a deadbeat like the rest of her family&burnout from harsh intern/residency conditions set in. after residency moved across the country to arizona to get away from it all.the burnout never got better - she is like a burnt out match, there is no hope for her to light up again. dude is dude. i like the idea from the postaI movie that he fucked up his criminal record so bad when he was younger it hindered him from being accepted to any college or good paying job lol

-marnie&dude met @ a bar where a metal concert was going on. on the 1st night he relocated 2 paradise with his (ex)wife she was nagging him so hard he left home to realm around the town&by coincidence stumbled upon a bar. dude was dragged into the mosh pit&started beating the shit out of every1 who stood in his range&this way ended up socking marnie in the face who was just a bystander. she caught his eye 1st hand bcuz she was so unphased&a blonde. u do not meet a chick everyday who can handle a punch from a 6'8" guy so...unbothered? calm?. went "good googly moogly" & followed her home&kept reappearing ever since.😁

-yeah he was still w his (ex)wife when he started seeing marnie so u can say she was his mistress for some time b4 his wife left. i say that by the time dude&the wife moved to paradise their marriage was already in shambles&wife was already cheating on him openly&had her lovers over whenever she liked because she just did not care anymore. neither did he. the love was long gone&sole reason they still stayed married was bcuz of the tax benefit. after his wife left he moved into marnies house&uses his trailer only as a place to come back to when he wants to be alone for some time(both him&marn are loners. it would b unnatural for both of them if they spent every waking moment together, they need the time to be alone from each other from time to time). he also comes back there bcuz he is growing weed in the trailer&needs to look after it.

-pdude&marnie very rarely cuddle. or hold hands. or kiss. not only it is hot as balls in arizona all the time to cuddle in bed, they like to have their own space. due to dude being a charismatic douchebag he does often times greet w a hug from behind+kiss on back of her neck when she expects it the least bcuz this is his way of teasing and messing with her. it throws her off everytime&he is smug about it bcuz he is a jerk. does a bit more often have his arm stretched out around her when sitting somewhere but they are not that keen on lovey-dovey affection. they do enjoy a half hug from time to time. their main affection from each other is either being in the same room together or doing something for the other. this way they have their space but still show the other they care.

-ermmmm they r both messy as hell. really disorganized, esp marn bcuz she has papers&unpacked boxes from when she moved from boston to arizona that r still unpacked, mind u it has been like 10 years already. dude is messy bcuz he is nasty&trailer trash&does not care enough to clean. marnie is too exhausted to clean&just lives with whatever is thrown at her, unbothered to make a change. they r both disgusting.maybe once in a month or two they lock in&clean the damn house if lucky

-both heavy smokers. marnie smokes a lot but dude is a chimney compared 2 him especially after he does not smoke crack anymore. he needs a substitute. dude goes through like ~1.5-2 packs of cigarettes a day. his record is 3. it does not matter if this costs more than doing crack bcuz marnie pays 4 it 90% of the time😁 yeah their teeth r stained. they&esp dude reek of cigarette smoke. marnie not so much bcuz she tends 2 smell more....sterile?like rubbing alcohol smell as she works @ a hospital but it does not take long 4 the smoke smell 2 overpower. the house reeks of stale cigarette smoke&weed. cigarette butts everywhere. cans&other trash everywhere. the coffee table is a disaster. again they r fucking disgusting nothing should b appealing abt these two. u should not admire these guys. they both suck nothing is pleasing abt them. i hate them both. they mean Nothing to me.

-both get stoned&drunk on friday night bcuz marnie does not have work on the weekend.😁.dude prob gets stoned a bit more often than marn bcuz she has work on weekdays&would not go 2 work after getting stoned or w hangover not bcuz it is unethical - but bcuz it will b only a pain to her. he prefers to get high w her together bcuz it is just way more fun.😇.

-while friday is fun&all marn usually spends all saturday filling out paperwork from the hospital bcuz she does not bother doing it through the week&procrastinates. dude helps her w forging her signature on some papers so the progress is faster usually bcuz he wants 2 do smth else&is bored. this is how they bond.

-marnies favourite dessert is chocolate pudding:) dude is like idk. milk w graham crackers or buttered bread w sugar bcuz he grew up rather poor&did not really have desserts growing up

-in their own messed up way dude is technically the housewife.but not really. if looking from a traditional family perspective marnie is the one who brings the bacon. dude is the one who does the errands. yes he hates doing them. yes he bitches&moans while doing them. but it needs 2 b done. he does make dinner(which is something he fuking HATES DOING!!!!BUT DOES IT FOR MARNIE BCUZ IT IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF LOVE HE CAN DISPLAY.YES HE IS IRRITATED MOST OF THE TIME WHEN MAKING IT BUT WILL DO IT.) or get takeout (usually chinese) for when she comes home.😁.

-dude does whatever the hell when she is @ work&if all the errands r finished. he either does his own thing or snoops through her stuff like her old medical journals that she has not touched in 7 years. maybe has read her old journal entries from her med school days like some sort of novel series. if he is really that damn bored he will read an entire random medical journal&will be angry as hell when he finishes it bcuz his head hurts from the smart&latin words. "glioblastoma? what the fuck is that??? cant they just use normal words? man these posh bastards, nobody cares about your latin goddamn🤬" day ruined.

-champ(dudes dog) lives w them inside the house&loves marnie. marnie loves champ. champ kinda plus minus senses around when she will be coming back home so waits for her on the porch to greet her :)

-i keep saying this like a broken record but they are horrible. on this god forsaken earth there is someone horrible like the other. they are each others person. they are glad the other is horrible too.

[dudeyuri]

ah the feel-good, snoozefest, milquetoast ending i feared and expected.... in both its highest points and its lowest points ONLY FRIENDS was a case against fixed pairings

i skipped forward all of the topmew scenes in this one again, so this episode was probably a cool 30 mins for me. i’m preaching to the choir i know but they were SUCH a glaring weak point in this show. to the point of unwatchability. they did top so dirty, man. you can’t root for a character who’s just so…cardboard. you can’t even love to hate him. did he have a meaningful conversation with anyone other than mew in the entirety of the series? top was underdeveloped, mew was kind of a drag (revenge era notwithstanding). the tension there was just not giving.

a lot of their post-ep2 relationship development was to build up to mew’s devastation, and to wink-nudge at the audience. any topmew tension before the reveal came from us knowing what top and boston did, while an oblivious mew just thought top was checking all his boxes. removed from the context of the secret, they just went on a series of boring dates, lol. and then we were back at square one with top trying to prove himself to mew--this time without the tension of the big secret. naturally it fell so flat. and goddamn did they give these two a whole lot of screentime. who enjoyed this? did force//book fans even enjoy this? (unless any of their scenes in the last two episodes were somehow good because. lol. i did not watch them)

nick going back on his “i love you the way you are, you don’t have to change” in the eleventh hour SUCKED majorly. seeing boston grovel SUCKED even more like REAL BAD. one big happy friend group, right where they started, sucked. and boston being left alone in the end like that was not fun for me

he was rebuffed during the new years kiss. he was allowed no rebuttal after nick insisted that he would be happier alone, when boston had just said he can have feelings for nick and simultaneously want to sleep with others. yeah his communication skills left something to be desired, but you really could make the case that this is because the boundaries he DOES set are constantly crossed by others--so why should he bother even setting them? idk his ending did feel kinda punitive, i agree with a lot of what i’ve seen, but it also felt just unresolved. what was the point of his last fling with nick?

idk they should have let bostonnick be “nasty” (big quote unquote here) together. boston is still endlessly interesting to me i will probably have more today on this. forever my favorite only friend, forever that girl

at least we have sandray. the bi4bi sandray mutual crush on keira knightly was the episode highlight for me because yeahhhh, same (episode highlight, aside from the almost-threesome in the pool. and sand owning his status as DOG. and first kissing force). as @jolselin said. time and again firstkhao really outsold. the only friends tagline: firstkhao outsold. forget everything i said about fixed pairings

and the mix cameo…i should’ve dropped my “here’s how mix in only friends can still win” post yesterday. know i screamed. and boeing, gone as suddenly as he arrived, was a lot of fun. it’s greedy but i would’ve appreciated just an inkling of what his deal was. and i also wish this show leaned into its absurdity a little more. 

okay a harsh review and thumbs down for the last episode. but if there’s a second season or spin-off I will ABSOLUTELY watch. this shit was so hysterical and fun and wild and sexy. this was my best friend’s first BL and we basically spent a full hour every saturday cry-laugh-yelling “what the fuck” at the screen. from the baffling music cues to the ubiquitous bubblegum pink lip tints, and with the exception of topmew, it was such a blast. thank u jojo et al

[forcebookish]

sorry for this rant but I just need to get this off my chest after the latest ep and I feel like you are genuinely the only one here that has good takes 😭

mew: h- fandom: OMG EVIL SICK TWISTED MANIPULATOR I DONT CARE WHAT THE WRITING ACTUALLY SHOWS US HE IS THE WORST PERSON IN THIS SERIES NO MATTER WHAT

top: gets manipulated by boston who uses his insecurities to get him to have sex with him fandom: cheater cheater cheater!! that is his only character trait!!!

all the characters are very flawed but topmew are getting villanized even more than boston who is literally a sexual predator lmfao. and I can understand being pissed at top but mew?? What has he even done that these people haven't completely fabricated from their own minds?? ugh sorry this is probably so long I just needed to say it.

(hi u can rant in my ask box any time)

wait wait wait wait wait

do people think that the sex tape is real? do people think that that mewray "kiss" isn't right before mew rejects him? they don't think that mew told ray he should go after sand because he had just rejected him and he still wanted him to be happy? (another possibility is that ray confessed and mew just thought he was drunk and told him he loved him too, like a friend - if so, it's already set up, since we know that ray tells his friend he loves them when he's drunk and mew freely tells ray that he loves him. as a friend.) (actually partial to that one since i think mew would tell top if that weren't the case.)

do they not think that boston's actions were extremely psychotic supervillain behavior? do they think that stirring the pot just to prompt ray to confess to mew was... fine? do they think that taking a still shot out of context to show to top to lure him to his car is not serial killer behavior? do they think showing a (fake-ity fake, obviously fake, has to be fake) sex tape to top the kind of thing that makes him better than the person he's manipulating into have sex with him?

do they not know what the word "manipulation" actually means? do they need a dictionary? why is boston's word the one that we should take at face value when literally all he does is lie? why do they believe boston, the pathological liar, but not the characters who are just trying to get through the damn drama despite his meddling?

i'm so confused. are they fucking with us? i feel like i'm going insane.

[khaotunq]

Beloved Esme @itsallaboutbl tagged me (her post so u can see it done right) :))) thank you <3

Most popular / personal favs gifsets

I have published 222 gifsets this year, which is fun and possibly a bit insane. I've made gratuitous use of the archive feature so I've linked that on the weird chance anyone but me is interested in every set I've posted. (December link, and then scrolling down will take you back month by month)

As usual, I've done this entirely differently to how I imagine it's supposed to have been done (nobody else is doing numbers, for example), but I have no self control at all and I'm currently really fucking low so I'm concentrating on this to keep from The Thoughts :)

21 in January Most popular: the first of my First Kanaphan as Ryu in Wake Up Ladies sets, by a bit of a landslide. This did nothing until about summertime, at which point the notes went from about 150 to 700, lmao Personal fav: Akk (Eclipse): there's one dog that won't get to see me smile (immediately smiles) because that smile will always kill me (Honourable mention to this Ryu set because my own tags make me laugh, and this set that nobody liked but I can still hear)

17 in February Most popular: 2023 is the year of our Lord, Mark Pakin Personal fav: Jimbo, AKA: Moonlight Chicken's main character and there was also this because I'm a funny fuck

13 in March Most popular: Obnoxiously long real-to-me kiss gifset (Eclipse) Personal fav: Honestly probably the same as above, but perhaps S101: Tall being dragged by Tiny, and also Akk's hair looks excellent in those.

14 in April Most popular: S101: Do a barrel roll!Ayan Personal fav: wet Khaotung but also this progression of shots that nobody else liked (also, also this one because THE HUG ok i'm never ok about it)

10 in May (20 posts show up, but 10 of them are gifs/gifsets I sent in asks to Chiara) Most popular: Your World, My World Personal fav: Navigate edit because I'm still so pleased with it, though I think the 3rd gif's text should be brighter and I probably should've made the twinkling stars more obvious, and also the One Life edit for Akk I did because it's important to me and I spent so long making the text work... and I'm still not sure it does.

14 in June (16 show up for June but 2 are tutorially/gif process things) Most popular: Bold Gays: Ayan Personal fav: Enneagram Type 8: Sean but honestly all the Enneagrams were my favs they were fun, and I keep meaning to revisit the idea

23 in July (24 show up but one's a gif explanation) Most popular: Ray from the Only Friends official trailer Personal fav: Khaotung Thanawat personally coming for my throat or my continued slow breakdown over Sean or the first OFTS/SandRay edit I did with the original teaser trailer orrrrrrrrr Ayan being unable to keep his hands to himself

28 in August (hello, Only Friends and Eclipse Anniversary, lol) Most popular: Sand being a whole mood Personal fav: Ray mad in a car because it's still funny and also First Kanaphan's personal character arc

27 in September Most popular: Only Friends / Bad Buddy parallel that got me the most glorious threats &lt;3 Personal fav: I can't pick. There's Ray's naa-ing, this single gif that lives in my head forever, the Brotherhood of the Travelling Bruise, and Sand AM/PM because thiiighs

17 in October Most popular: K H A O A L A (which is still the funniest thing I've ever said) Personal fav: SandRay calendar because I'm fucking proud of it, even if there are a thousand things I'd change about it now, but honestly all my sets for October were personal favs I enjoy all of them immensely. I really loved my SandRay Kesha edit. Mostly the first gif, but the rest were fun and only mostly maddening to make.

16 in November Most popular: Yok & Mond and their shared braincell Personal fav: Boston and Meredith Brooks

22 in December Most popular: Twins characters/tag yourself meme/still haven't figured out what my intent was behind this set but I'm glad everyone's having fun with it Personal fav: Bold Gays: Yok even though the yellow one makes me mad and I want to redo it, and also Alan because kfdsjkhgfdh

Tagging! As ever, feel free to ignore: @raypakorn @sollucets @chinzhilla @theedorksinlove @chickenstrangers @5racha @khaotungsfirst

[lost-in-interwebs]

NOT to be weird but i found your take on fallout 4 so interesting as someone who is also from MA. when i played thru it initially on release i was all jazzed about it for that exact reason, but over time/the years ive grown bitter about fo4 because i feel like it failed to capture the culture/charm of MA outside of some set dressing (even then, i felt like they often didnt capture the "look" of MA very well if that makes sense). ANWAY didnt mean to dump this as a weird confession, im genuinely curious to hear abt ur thoughts as someone also from MA who played through fo4 if u dont mind me asking.. what helped amplify the experience for you?

Oh my god I felt the same god damn way. Over the years the charm is gone. It's all set dressing. THEY DONT EVEN HAVE CLAM CHOWDER. There are no rabbits. Maine gets rabbits but we don't get rabbits???

For me, it was just personal memories. The Swan Pond was just devastating. As a child my mother took me out in the swan boats and I dropped my favorite Dumbo toy in the water and was bereft. The entire boat stopped to help me get it back before it was submerged in the deep. We have pictures of that day. Kilmore Square is really important to me because I used to go into the old Church on Newbury Street to work with a professional choir in the summer. And it also led to the Women's Mental Health facility I spent time at when I was suicidal. Seeing super mutants take over that familiar road and raiders sitting pretty in Hangman's Alley just broke my heart. That road is familiar. Malden Catholic was one of my school's rivals in basketball. Seeing the Boston Children's Science Museum empty and in a little building was infruriating. There is no Boston Aquarium. And I get it, even Emil jokes in the text that there just wasn't enough space to fit it all.... but no Make Way for Ducklings? No Blueberries for Sal moment in Far Harbor? Come on Emil, you lived here. Breath some fucking life and character into this place. We have the second largest Chinatown behind New York. My father used to buy me ceramic chopsticks and fans and silk pajamas. I loved Chinatown and it isnt there. I live near Salem so seeing the Witch museum was wild especially after living in my first apartment alone down the street from it. But it's all submerged. Beverly is gone. Salem is gone. There's nothing there. And that'd my home home that's the Northshore that's my home. And there's nothing...

Real tangible memories I can return to as I please but they are ruins in this game. It's so much easier for me to roleplay as a Pre War mother who grew up in Boston only to live to see it fall.

I had to ride the blue line, the one where you find Nick Valentine, for my first job interview. The game is haunted by ghosts to me. But it's my ghost. Also I had to contend with the fact that everyone I love would have been dead in 200 years. My mom, my sister, my cousins, aunts and uncles, friends, enemies. Only I remain to tell their stories. AND I WISH YOU COULD DO SOMETHING WITH THAT. That's tangible.

Fallout 4 is so close and yet so distant. I feel like in order to truly be there you have to be able to smell how bad that ocean water must smell. You gotta feel the slime on the rocks as you climb up out of the ocean. You need to feel the barnacles scrape against your knees. You gotta taste the salt of the water before it turns sweet on your tongue. But you can't get that in a video game. You have to live it.

Also the addiction... Addiction is so prevalent here in Mass. There's not a soul I don't know that wasn't effected by the opioid crisis. And they treated it soooooooo vaguely. It's empty. And the jab at AA and personal therapy was so.... mean spirited as an addict myself.

Also our entire fishing culture is just.... gone. No mention no game mechanic to do it. Save that all for Maine. Which is fucking bogus. Also the voices.... the voices and the accents. Some you can tell are acted. Some feel real enough. I wish they would got some fucking guys off the street to voice a few NPCs. ALSO LYNN???? You didn't do anything with "Lynn Lynn the city of sin you won't come out the way you came in"??? It's fucking perfect. There could have been something with that. Maybe something like Evergreen Mills but functional and cooler. idk these are such insane ramblings and if you can glean any answers from this take it.

[dykeomania]

you don't think i'm committed to the bit? Bitch, Ellie Williams, Class of 2024, (from Boston, Massachusetts) plays Forward (Center) for Boston College's Women's Collegiate Ice Hockey Team. She played youth hockey from the ages of 7-14 in Jackson, Wyoming. She played for her college-prep boarding school from that point onwards (which she got a scholarship for), and made the U-18 National Team when she was 16 and 17 years old. She has also made Team USA's Collegiate Women's Ice Hockey Series, AKA the National Ice Hockey Team which uuuuussuuuallyyyyy sets people up to play in the Olympics, or professionally, if they feel so inclined (I think ... my knowledge is rusty there). Her jersey number is twenty-four. She has 4,816 followers on her verified Instagram and she only follows 914 people. Her Instagram comments frequently include, but are not limited to: interactions with her teammates / people who she plays with, distant emojis and expressions of pride from extended family members like Tess, Tommy, and Maria, etc. Like most of her feed, her tagged photos are mostly candid athlete-ish pics of her on the ice (though, the ones on her profile are not only just professional taken, but personally and deliberately edited by her using Lightroom or VSCO to fit her feed). This does not include the 3-4 tagged sets that are photos of her and her non-hockey friends at ragers (where in most of them she has a flushed face, a loopy grin, and fading hickeys on her neck), of which she has definitely forgotten to those photos remove from her profile for image-sake because her coach does not play that shit. Hockey is the only consistent thread in her life.. outside of being anxious, fucking girls, fraternizing with her exes, and having a dead dad. She is poor. She is smart. She is fast. She fucking hates Abigail Anderson--

[andorerso]

Sissi, please satiate my very academic curiosity about your two OCs Dani and Elijah because I've seen you tag them on some very omg-thats-my-jam dynamics.

Like I need details. Whats their story? Do they hate each other and then oh-shit-regrettably-its-u hate-fuck in some Boston bar? Like I already have headcanons for them, we neeed moore 🥺

me seeing this ask in the morning

they're honestly one of my favorite OC ships, like top three AT LEAST. and honestly? hooking up in some Boston bar is not unimaginable! like you're not very far off at all and I love it 🥰 please tell me more headcanons *chin in hands*

you might regret asking me though because I have a looooooot to say! so much to say. too much, you might think 😭 but they have a long story, and I couldn't give them justice if I condensed it, so I think I'm gonna put this under a read-more

okay, so important context first: the setting is urban fantasy with magic and different sorts of monsters but the twist that it's all out in the open and the world has known about the existence of these paranormal things for a long while now.

Dani's in her mid-20s (around 25-27 at the start) and she has this the devil may care attitude with some serious abandonment issues (because her family situation is complicated and not the greatest). She's very rarely had real connections with anyone, whether platonic or romantic, so it makes her very lonely and basically the only person she's close to is her brother. She will pretend she likes it that way but I mean... she clearly does not. She's also a licensed monster hunter, but while most of her family on her mother's side, including her brother, were/are witches, she's got no magic of her own. So it makes her kind of an outsider even in her own family.

And Elijah isn't human. In fact, he comes from a different dimension altogether so he's a something but no one knows what yet because his kind hasn't really been seen ever before and people just don't have a name for it. He's a couple hundred years old which is old in the human sense, but not so much for their kind. Kinda early 30s in appearance. Elijah technically isn't even his real name but it's his human name and what he goes by for the entire story. His dimension is sort of splintering apart at the seams and his kind are dying by the millions so many of them started seeking refuge in other worlds, including our world. Of course they all have different attitudes towards humans, some think they should be peaceful and co-exist, some think they should just take over and subjugate humans, and some think that co-existence IS optimal but they don't think very high of humans regardless and don't really want to interact much. Basically like "you're just a small ant and I'm better than you in every way but I don't hate you so I guess you can stay." Elijah falls more into that category at the start, although he's actually curious about humans, but he's following his mentor's lead who's kinda like a father figure and the person who leads the group he came over with.

So anyway, Dani gets tangled up in this whole situation as she's one of the first person to actually see and interact with one of the others. You could kinda say they're enemies because Elijah's super loyal to his own people, and Dani's very skeptical and distrustful of them. But most of all, she really doesn't trust Elijah's mentor and that obviously creates some tension between them. So they start off on the wrong foot and they really can't stand each other first. It's a lot of unfair assumptions and prejudices basically, and they're both guilty of it. But they also clash simply because of their personalities.

Elijah's calm, collected, reserved, a bit cold some would say, he doesn't show much emotion and is entirely too serious for his own sake. Dani's more laidback and fun and likes to hide her pain with stupid jokes. She's also very much ruled by her emotions so she's hot-tempered and prone to make hasty decisions that often result in bad consequences and Elijah just. does not vibe with that. At all. There's definitely attraction from the start tbh but it's a "fuck, why them, I cannot stand them" kind of attraction. The "I think you're hot and I'm annoyed about it" kind of attraction.

They do become friendlier as time goes on and they find common ground and realize that they may not be so different after all. During this stage, only a few months after meeting, they actually end up sleeping together at a low point in both of their lives. It's one of those "you're here, I'm here, let's just make each other feel alive" kind of things. But because this is absolutely a slowburn, the next morning Dani's like "you know that was just a one night sort of thing, right?" because she does fool around with people often so it's nothing new to her but Elijah does not, isn't used to this, so he's like "uhm... yeah of course." But internally he's kinda spiraling about it. They don't talk about it, but ofc they're thinking about it.

So as time goes on, they end up becoming really close as friends and literally everyone's shocked about this development but they just... see each other, you know? They get each other in an instinctive way that no one else does. Elijah's absolutely in love with Dani at this point but doesn't really understand what he's feeling so he never does anything about it, just pines from afar, and Dani's sort of still in the denial phase (plus you know, the whole "he's my best friend and I don't really have a lot of people I'm close to so I can't lose him"). Dumb shit, obviously.

There's a jealousy sideplot at some point because I like them but it's not a love triangle because I hate those. It's basically just more of Elijah pining to be honest. Lots of angst because that's just how I roll. Over time, there's like 2 or 3 incidents when they actually kiss (I could even see another one night stand at some point, it depends) but they always pull back or change their minds or something happens outside of their control and it just never ever goes anywhere. At this point, Elijah loves her and realized it, but he's actually kinda content to be just her friend. He's okay with loving her from afar because he doesn't really think it possible to be with her for real, and it's very sad.

Dani, on the other hand, is the opposite. She has also accepted the fact that she loves him and she does not want to be just friends. At some point, they have one of those heated arguments that end with Dani, finally too frustrated with this thing between them, blurting out that she loves him, and Elijah for his own reasons (he has a lot of shit going on) pretty much ignores it and pulls away from her. It's like "this is best for both of us, I'm trying to protect you" blablabla, it's stupid and although they technically remain friends, their relationship is very obviously strained because Dani doesn't forgive him for it. Like the girl can absolutely hold a grudge, but also this is probably the time he hurts her the most, so understandable. I mean you gotta know that this is the first time she said those words to anyone that isn't her brother, and she feels rejected, feels like doesn't love or want her, feels kinda worthless because he's an immortal being from a different dimension, ofc he doesn't want her, why would he, and she feels incredibly angry that she still loves him despite all that. It’s a cycle of self-hatred and resentment, and then all that, along with some other things, pushes Dani into spiraling and she has a brief evil arc, and that's another thing preventing them from being together. (She's pretty mean to him during this era but he's also one of the things that brings her back to herself so you know... fun stuff!)

Anyway, they do get together eventually. I'm undecided on this part because idk what works better yet. One possibility is that one of them, probably Elijah, shows up at her door before a big battle that's gonna happen and confesses and they spend the night together knowing it might be their last night alive. The other possibility is that one of them, probably Dani gets hurt during the battle and Elijah confesses while she's bleeding out in his arms. Either way, they don't expect to survive so they finally come clean, and then... they survive. So now they gotta actually confront this for once.

They decide to give a relationship a try, but it doesn't end well the first time. Sure, they're happy and disgustingly in love for a while but neither knows how to be in a relationship because neither have experience. So as soon as something comes along to shake their foundations a bit, the whole thing crumbles. The following crash and burn might even be the angstiest part of the story, idk. I'm gonna be honest, the end does get a little fuzzy, I haven't fleshed out everything yet. I know I want there to be a temporary character death at some point because I know it's cheap but I live for that stuff. So Elijah dies, probably while they're still broken up, and Dani definitely goes a little feral and sets out on an impossible path to bring him back. The good stuff. He comes back, they reunite, etc. I don't wanna say everything's perfect after that because they still gotta work on their issues, but they have a happy ending and that's what matters.

Tropes include but not limited to: slowburn, mutual pining, it was always you, battle couple, hot-headed & level-headed, unhealthy codependency/mutual obsession, soulmate coded, opposite sides of the same coin, not even death can defeat us, anguished declarations of love, sad people growing an intense connection from shared trauma, grumpy character who only smiles for love interest

Songs that remind me of them: 

Remember to Remember Me by Isak Danielson - this one is pretty angsty, but it really fits a certain period in their story and every single time I hear it, it makes me think of them

An Evening I Will Not Forget by Dermot Kennedy

Evermore by Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver

The Alcott by Taylor Swift ft. The National

Love Like Ghost by Lord Huron

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler

(Dani also has a playlist that she made for him even when they were just friends and it's super secret and she's kinda embarrassed about it but she does end up sharing it with him later when they get together. Fun fact, I did actually make that playlist on Spotify.)

Other trivia tidbit that I like but couldn't fit into elsewhere: Dani's full name is Danielle and she HATES when people call her that. Her parents used to do it when they were angry, and her brother still does it to mess with her or when he's disappointed with her. So no thank you. Except if it's Elijah. Other people say it in anger or admonition but Elijah says it out of sheer devotion, and she's very into it.

I could also like... make moodboards if anyone's interested? Or even if no one's interested...

[goodmorningbadday]

time to update this like it’s my diary again :) because it is :)

left off last time during smftourdust. ended up going to forest hills, boston, camden, & holmdel and had the best time with my bestie caitlyn & some friends. forest hills show was SO fun and one of my fave shows of the year. picture this: you’re tipsy and having the time of your life with your best friend at FOB. travie comes on stage. you fall to your knees genuinely in despair and shock. after he leaves you go get a drink to recover. you go to the bar and start getting bullied by the bartender for being from iowa. then pete SPRINTS past you for dance dance. then, in the distance, pete gives a shout out to midtown & rob hitt. could not have been a more oddly specific sequence of events to happen to me and was just one fatal blow after another. anyways. holmdel was lawn, camden & boston were pit. all 10/10 shows, I love FOB. :’)

movielife in boston went crazy!!!! 40 hour train back to penn forever!!!!! movielifers for life!!!!

paradise fears in chicago FUCKED. I accidentally got way too high before they came on. cried four separate times. they’re like actually better now than they ever were which is crazy. my last PF show was 9 YEARS AGO!!!!

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG!!!!!!! oh brudder. this one took it out of me. ended up with VIP both days (thank u relient k LOL) and also hungover both days after going to both nights of emo nite. despite my previous statement, we DID miss the movielife both days LMAOOOO </3 but other than that WHAT A LINEUPPPP also was being hunted for sport by gabe saporta (he unprompted & unprovoked came and found me at WWWY to say hi & at one of the emo nites and genuine jump scare both times) also got to say catch up with mike & william ok anyways i could go on about this weekend forever but I’ll stfu. 10/10 week I can’t wait for next year (& can’t believe gabe was able to look me in the eyes and not tell me about cobra /j)

saw bleachers at aragon which is always a TREAT!!! jack antonoff I owe you my life

footballhead at empty bottle and got to catch up with sisky!!!

and last but not least, MIDTOWN IN JERSEY!!!! got to chat with heath & meet some of his family & give him a birthday present, and said hi to rob quick. went way too hard both in the crowd and in terms of drinking, especially on a thursday night at a midtown show 😭 but genuinely had the time of my life bonding with a bunch of grown men in the midtown pit <3 the videos of me from this night are horrendous but also to be cringy is to be free and I’ve never had more fun at a show and I don’t even remember midtown’s set so it was a great night LMFAO

2023 was um. far wilder than even my wildest dreams. 2024 is already um. worse. in a good way but im scared! anyways that’s it. thanks for reading (@ future me) :)

[giraffles]

Hellbent

iiiit’s day two! I’ve actually been working this for a while, but finished it up for this week. \o/ today’s prompt is “favorite battle” so how about a BATTLE OF CONFLICTING EMOTIONS. it starts silly but gets feels-y, sorry. 

prompt that inspired this is here and from the lovely @writing-challenges-and-prompts​

this is set in the modern AU/Lights Will Guide You series!

Hellbent - (Young!Harlock/Warrius Zero)

"We're just friends." Harlock deadpans.

"Friends don't kiss." Kei counters, and she's not entirely wrong.

you can also read it here on AO3! 

"We're just friends." Harlock deadpans. "Friends don't kiss." Kei counters, and she's not entirely wrong. "Some friends do. Like the kinds with benefits." Kei is not amused. It shows in the way her dark eyes glare at him, and the unusual force she puts into organizing the papers on her desk. If he didn't know her better, he might have thought her jealous; but Harlock is very, very aware of her preferences for partners, and they don't include sulky ex-Navy men. "I don't trust him," She says at length, "I don't trust any of them as far as I can throw 'em." In some ways that's a roundabout compliment. Kei Yūki may look sweet and possess a slight figure, but he's seen her take down fighters twice her size. And while outnumbered. So really, she could throw them all pretty far, Zero included. And she's not a force to be taken lightly, like a storm at sea, waiting to sink ships and sink hearts. The two of them aren't related by blood, but sometimes he wonders if she isn't another long lost sibling. Kei is overly cautious from being burned one too many times. He can't say he blames her. The world is already cold and cruel, and it's done a number on all of them. She doesn't often share what happened to her in the period between running away from home and meeting up with the Arcadia crew, and he's not one to press her for details. But he knows enough to realize it wasn't pretty and it wasn't kind. So Kei has good reason to be suspicious of anyone who hasn't gained her respect, and it's a hard thing to earn her trust. The only reason she's here in the first place is because Harlock asked her to be. "Tori likes him," Harlock mentions, "I'd say that's a good litmus test." She shoots him an incredulous look. "That's a terrible example. That bird doesn't even like you." "He likes me enough," Though really, that was only because he fed the dumb parrot, "That totally counts." "What on earth are the two of you arguing about?" Marina materializes out of nowhere, a startling and all too common habit of hers. She comes armed with what look like case files, petty grievances they'll need to take care of if they want to keep their jobs. Before he can come up with an excuse for her, Kei is already counting mutiny. "Someone has been kissing the commander in the fire escape." When she put it that way, it made it sound like they were a couple of teenagers skulking around for kicks. Which, maybe wasn't that untrue, but that didn't mean she had to tell Marina of all people. The one person there who had known Zero the longest, who wasn't often found far from his side, and who always managed to look stunning regardless of the situation. Delivering mission briefings or breaking noses, she never faltered or lost her composure.  "Oh, is that all?" Marina's voice rang true and calm, yet there was an edge of ice to it, "Anyway, look into these security breaches. We need to know how deep they've gone." Then Marina sweeps away, leaving without another word like a receding tide, barely sparing them a glance. Kei throws her hands up. He shrugs. "You trust me, don't you?" He counters, knowing it's a little unfair to pull that card, because she's never been anything less than devoted, "I know what I'm doing. Relax." Kei grumbles something along the lines of 'I don't know why any of us bother with you', and his phone pings that a new email has come through. It's a very specific notification, reserved for anything from the government server they're all wired into, and he frowns when he sees it's from the same M. Oki who was just talking with them. She's also only a few yards off, there's no reason she needs to be messaging him when she can communicate in person like a rational human. He flicks the email open. It's a curt correspondence, no introduction or signature, just her name attached to the top and his in the receiving field. <If you hurt him, there will be consequences.> Few people can get away with threatening Harlock so openly. There are fewer people who legitimately terrify him. Marina is very close to the top of both lists. "What is it?" Kei asks. "It's nothing," Only quite possibly the shortest and most direct shovel speech he's ever gotten, "We should be working." "You never want to work." She points out, but lets the subject go. He doesn't dare look in Marina's direction. Really, he's not sure how much of a secret it all should or shouldn't be; Zero can be so prickly on a good day, to the point that it's hard to decipher between the officer's normal personality or if he's being an ass on purpose. He's so flighty for someone with a reputation for being loyal and steadfast, shying away even behind closed doors and hidden from prying eyes. He's not even sure where the two of them even stand at this point, if there should be labels involved or it's better to keep it off-brand for now. (Fraternization laws probably don't apply in this case, even if they did, he'd ignore them anyway, because to hell with that.) And yet kissing him is so good that Harlock couldn't resist catching him by the back door that morning. Which of course was when Kei wandered by, nearly choking herself to death on her coffee when she saw them. He's probably lucky Zero didn't pitch him out the nearest window for that one. It's not like it had been on purpose, and they were all bound to find out eventually. It's impossible not to, when they're working and living in such close proximity to each other. And they're glorified experts in espionage, for crying out loud, he could find out everyone's favorite color and childhood pet in twenty minutes if he put his mind to it. If he was really determined, he could probably find every dark and embarrassing secret of every person in a five mile radius, and the whole city if Kei and Ishikura helped. So how were they supposed to keep a relationship of all things under wraps, under the noses of individuals trained to sniff out deceptions and half-truths? Only an idiot would try. Or, someone so stubborn and deep in denial that they ran the risk of drowning. Fucking Zero. Harlock had taken a calculated risk with him, when he had asked for his handler to be the same agent who had spent years trying to bring him to justice, but he hadn't expected this. Because, maybe, he hadn't planned on an infatuation, or half jokingly flirting with him, which  may have turned into whatever it is that they've been avoiding talking about. It wasn't Harlock's fault that he was stuck living with someone who was so accidentally attractive. (Except, it was his own damn fault, and now he had to deal with the consequences.) It started as just a way to pass the time, an exercise in seeing how he could get under his keeper's skin, and now he's fallen. Hard. This wasn't part of the plan. None of this was part of the plan. Not that the plan had been fool proof, or even fully baked by the time Harlock had put it in motion. Its still a vague sort of idea, floating about with loose strings he's tying together on the fly, but it had worked out so far. Mostly. Present situation not included. But the plan comes first, it always come first, because he'd die before he'd let a vow go unfulfilled. Even if it was hard to come to terms with the fact that they would eventually be jumping ship, slipping back into the sea once they'd gotten what they came for. What Arcadia members are on this team may not know exactly what's going on, but they're smart enough to realize they're all acting the parts the government wants them to until they're ready to bail, a deception and treason of the highest order. He never said he was an honest man. Harlock sinks low in the office chair.   This would have been easier without lingering attachments. And yet had made them anyway, like the idiot he was, repeating the same mistakes over and over again. You would think he would have learned by now, but there was still that stubborn part of him that was a hopeless romantic. At least it would be good while it lasted. Marina couldn't kill him if she couldn't find him. 

On his way to the vending machine, Zero ambushes him. Which would have been great if it was for some midday fooling around, but instead Harlock has a snarling totally-not-a-boyfriend to appease. "Who did you tell?" Zero growls. "I didn't tell anyone!" "Bullshit." This is it. This is how he dies. In a back closet of an undisclosed office somewhere within the greater-Boston area. There are worse ways to go, and Harlock always knew he'd kick off young, but it's a little disappointing that it won't be in a blaze of glory. It really isn't fair. "I swear to god it wasn't me," He pleads, "If anything, it was Kei." She probably doesn't deserve to be thrown under the tracks like that, but at the same time, she had started it. If he's going to die then he's not going down alone. And technically he hadn't breathed a word of anything; that had been other people's doing. Zero looks both indescribably livid and so very tired. "I hate you. I hate you both," Zero bites out, "You're the worst." Before Harlock can come up with a defense, or a snappy reply, Zero is kissing him. It's not where he expected things to go, but he's not going to complain either. Zero is hellbent on taking every piece of his being and spinning it upside down, even if that defies logic, because it's alway been Harlock who's taken people on rides. Although, none of those had worked out very well in the end, so maybe it's just as well. This is better than any of them anyway. His hands curl in the front of that dumb Navy jacket Zero was always wearing so he can pull him closer, to cut his tongue on teeth. It's so easy to fall like this. It won't be easy to leave.