Tumgik
#its been almost 12 years now and i dont regret it
raccooninapartyhat · 6 months
Text
I'm a transphobe's worst nightmare (came out as trans at 13 and despite multiple attempts by the gender identity development service to convince me I was actually just a girl with an anxiety disorder, I took testosterone, got my tits chopped off, and live happily as a queer man, and will defend the rights of other trans children to the death)
13 notes · View notes
your-queer-dad · 2 months
Note
hey dad i did an ask once before though idk if it was answered i cant tell but i came out to my parents and siblings almost six months ago now my dad is very ignorant doesnt care but still supports when he does remember. my mom is a bit complicated. i am pretty young for an enby, and she feels like i may not know for certain whilst i may be agender or nonbinary i am definitely not a girl or boy and definitely prefer my preferred name and they/them pronouns my mom isn't straight idk what she is my parents dont have a good relationship but i think they try to support me she says she will continue to deadname me cause shes worried she'll use it in front of my grandparents who are super bigoted i am not out to ym grandparents on either side and she has said she'll try to be better with pronouns but we'll see on that my siblings are all super supportive and i plan on asking them to start using my preferred name i also fogured out one of my siblings are gay and one is bi which im glad im not the only one though im the only non cis person which does make me feel a little odd or abnormal recently my dysphoria has been getting horrid used to just have chest dysphoria but not i feel like im getting bottom dysphoria I've talked to my mom about it originally she said i couldn't get a binder till om 18!? after a bit of an argument with mom me and my sister it was eventually moved to not allowed till 15 i have to wait 2 whole years i also am not allowed to change my preffered name on stuff like library cards until ive been out for 12 months so only around 6-7 months but still pretty annoying like she thinks its a phase or something she grew up with extremely bigoted parents so i cant completely be mad i recently told my cousin though shes got a bad influence from school and tends to spill secrets shes also pretty close with my nana who is in fact queerphobic i really regretted it right after idk if shes told anyone yet but im really worried she will im worried by the time im 18 i wont be able to get top surgery or bottom surgery due to the current political stance i also am intrigued by furry like things such as wearing cat ears and a tail but feel super self conscious i dont have ny own room to wear such things i also dont have my own credit card to buy these things without anyone knowing and im super nervous i want to explore things like cat ears and tail but i dont have a private space to wear them my family is unemployed my dad has stopped trying to get a job i dont have anyway to get money for what i want my family isnt well off im super sorry for such a long vent i just really am confused right now and my situation is very complicated
-a little enby buddy (they/them ei/eim it/its)
Hey kiddo! It's okay, please don't apologise for the long rant. That sounds like a really complicated situation and I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of that. I'm glad your siblings and mom are supportive, even if they aren't great and I'm always here to listen no matter what 🫂🫂
- dad x
11 notes · View notes
sandwhich-lady · 4 months
Text
The time has finally come. Over all four years of my high school career I made a running list of quotes from high school and I vowed to post it when I graduated. And well, the time has come. So without further ado I present
Things High Schoolers Have Said: A Saga
Freshman year:
*while talking to a teacher* "this just proves short people are a menace to society"
"If we were comparing to spices, you *points at teacher* would be a ghost pepper and you *points at friend* would be ketchup"
Someone walking by: "like oh, hell is real"
"No dont trust me"
"You need to eat food bitch"
*talking about people hating pineapple on pizza* "I hope you had a satisfactory life because Imma end it"
"The eyesore of a church the sky daddy punished me with"
"Frankly, I dont know if I've been alive for 200 days"
"Are you eating a fucking egg with pineapple"
"They're like oh highschool is preparing you for college and then you get to college and your professor shows up in a t-shirt and shorts and with a jug of sprite"
"I had a very strong urge to eat my math homework" -me
"Honestly at this rate, why dont you trust me?"
"Because I still have some hope yet"
*laughs* " wow I dont know how to crush that"
"...There are cursive numbers??"
Sophomore year:
"Dont do anything you wont regret"
"I dont have the energy to bounce, Amy"
"I'm gonna quit band so I can work on actually not killing myself"
"I have the mentality of a 12 year old who just discovered sex"
"YOU GOTTA FLOWWW"
"LET ME ABSORB THE POTATO"
"You are so white. You are *so* white oh my god the the double l in El Pollo Loco not pronounced like a hard l! It's a yo sound"
"Apparently the bugs are really horny today"
"Wait where are you going?"
"I've been traumatized enough"
*stares at smushed sandwhich like questioning the audacity*
*yelled* "You're a loser! Talk to me when you're over five feet tall!"
"Crying, shaking, throwing up. Violently shaking."
"Ah! My lightsaber is stuck" -my euro teacher
"I cant wear crocs, I'm a 6'3" white guy"
"Kangaroos are like standing rabbits"
*picking victims for a murder mystery game*
"Mr [teacher's]...wife"
"Leave her out of this!"
"Is joe biden your phone lock screen?"
*offended* "no its pitbull"
"I almost punched a freshman yesterday"
"How much would you sell your soul for?"
"Panera bread mac n cheese"
"What's the point of fanfiction if it doesnt have sex in it?"
"Nah hes 32, not years old, cause that would be pedophilia"
"You shower naked??"
"I really want to annihilate an uncut loaf of bread"
"However, I think the disco ball constitutes sexy time"
"Sometimes, we all have to get married, and polygamy can be a byproduct of that, for the good of all humanity"
"I'd rather be gay than [be around] drunk men"
"Do you think I could fuck the liberty bell?"
"If you wear those fucking shoes to prom, I will curb stomp you and leave you in the McDonalds parking lot"
"Sometimes you're a little mentally funky"
"My stomach hurts so bad right now. If I throw up, sorry 🤷‍♀️"
"People were trying to commit social interaction with me so I had to leave the classroom"
"I've been channeling all my insanity into [AP] chem all year and now that's its done... I'm just insane"
"I feel like I inhaled liquid crack"
"Why is there communism?!"- looks up in math class to see the communist symbol drawn on the board
Junior Year:
"Bro you'll never guess who I saw"
"Who?"
"Everyone we hate"
-on the first day of school
"Hold it STEADILY, like a BAGUETTE"
"I may be a little obsessed with soup"
*emerging from behind a pillar* "a little? a LITTLE???"
"You're gonna pass out, that's on you"
"I would kill for a baby leopard"
"Everyone in set crew knows my name because you guys keep on yelling it"
"Did you just tell me to piss in a bucket??"
"You're the adolf Hitler of ladders"
"No we're going to invade crustacean world, duh"
"What if hes not here today?"
"No he is, hes wearing his lighting McQueen crocs"
"You're a potato colored mashed potato"
*wrapped in a pumpkin blanket* "its spooky season !!"
"I'm bringing something from my culture...beans on toast"
"But it was funny, therefore I have no regrets"
"What are you testing?"
"Uhh, my will to live"
"What constitutes above average calves?"
"I hate gifts and I hate you! *trips* ...that was karma"
"I can bring sauces...I can bring a variety of sauce" (for waffles)
"Let me be your roomba" to the tune of 🎶let me be your woman🎵
"Life in the midwest used to be really lonely and isolated and like sad...seems to be the same today"
"I don't want to go to No Place for Hate because...I love hating"
"If the grades dont touch neither do you"
"Anything can be a tortellini if you try hard enough"
"Lauren, does this curve look stupid"
"Its almost kidnapping. We dont do that here"
"Would you tell us [the embarrassing nickname] if Landon rizzed you up?"
"No"
"You heartless bitch"
"My moms a marriot slut"
"I think I can gaslight her into giving me an A"
"Their buttholes would have been shaking!"
"Their buttholes WERE shaking"
"Nuh uh!"
"I feel like I should be eating more strawberries...I think god told me"
"So I have to buy it on amazon like a fucking capitalist"
"SUE ME FOR BEING WHITE" -after a heated discussion about bagels
"But like who in their right mind would name their child 'funny valentine'?"
"Wait why did you say 'happy eggs'?"
"No you are not doing a homestuck quote"
Creative writing teacher: "if you do a homestuck quote you will be penalized"
"Mine's an ant romcom"
"Get your baby out of my marmalade"
"I just had the most refreshing five minute nap"
"He bit half the worm and we were like ryan no"
"Anyway, as I was saying, you look like a penguin"
"Are you shitting my dick!"
*after taking a math quiz*
"I'm gonna throw away this pencil, its cursed"
"Got that D tingle"
"I hate it here"
"I'm either the smartest person alive or dumb as shit"
“I get chills when she sings that part”
"I get chills when you shut your mouth"
"[This theatre company] is going to have so many suitcases. Maybe next year we can do a play about planes"
"Thank you?"
"Its a compliment"
"Thank you!"
"Wheres the quicky changy... excuse my lango"
"And colleges want to see that you're suffering"
*playing a game where you pick a category and name things in that category as fast as you can* "Marvel characters. Magneto!"
"Uhh dementia"
"If my heels arent in here I'm wearing crocs"
*comparing id/drivers license photos*
"I look like I'm on drugs"
"I look like I sold you the drugs"
Student A: "Arent we just the best students?"
Teacher: "Uh huh"
Student A: "That didn't sound very sincere"
Student B: "That's because it wasnt"
Student A: "oh"
Senior year:
“I pip pip and I cheerio, it’s just what I do”
“Excuse me, I need to be a little bitch”
*to psych teacher* “I was just wondering, since you’re antisocial, how did back to school night go?”
“I’m not saying a narc and a twink is the same thing, I’m saying you look like a narc AND a twink”
“You know how to turn that on??”
“Yeah, there’s an on button!”
“Bro I went to the beach recently and like I’ve never felt water like that before”
*talking about the existence of chocolate cows*
*from across the room* “what did you just call me?!?”
“What the fuck is anthropology? Is that plants?”
*to phone* “call pickle”
“Oh fiddlesticks!”
“Oh shitdicks!”
“I caught a charizard! I’m gonna name it penis!”
“People keep calling me baby shark and I just want to *strangling motion*, I want to tell them I’m not baby shark, I’m mommy shark”
“Some of these presentations are not going to eat, and I’m gonna be mad because I love a good slideshow”
Friend: “Carissa, why is your laptop so big?”
Me: “what?!” *looks around for validation*
Other friend: “look, I didn’t wanna say anything…”
*someone absolutely headbanging to Last Christmas*
*psych teacher going on a tangent*
“What’s he yapping about?”
“The uzsh (usual)”
*while running past us* “I parked my car in fucking Timbuktu”
*a little later*
Me: “this isn’t Timbuktu, this is like Canada”
*about Winston from 1984* “Damn this bitch is weak…I could bench him”
“So not a fursona but a humansona”
“I feel like I wanna build a bomb”- said in a physics classroom hopped up on Celsius
“Ugh this is so greasy”
“Just how I like my women…I don’t know why I said that”
*about a pair of butterfly scissors* “Look! It’s a little butterfly! Flap flap bitch”
“Are you being racist against clowns?”
“I think I’m gonna go home and do a backflip”
“You’re a furry”
“And you’re a whore”
“I know :)”
“I don’t even like books but I like women”
“Who wouldn’t want this hunk of meat” - tiny Asian girl
*after saying something nice about him* “No but also Carson you suck and you’re awful and we all hate you”
*wins blooket* “I guess I am serving cunt today”
A: “If you were a worm, what’s the first thing you would do?”
B: “Uhh burrow in the dirt.”
A: “That’s such a basic answer”
B: “Well what would you do??”
A: “World domination.”
[some time later]
A: “If you were a cricket what would you do?”
B: “World domination”
A: *weird look* “uh…ok”
B: “What would you do???”
A: “I don’t know, chirp”
“She was like ‘can someone read the definition of male vocalist?’ We don’t even have a male vocalist! The entire cast is nuns!”
“I have this theory, from what I’ve observed. Guys act gayer, girls are gayer”
Psych teacher: “what are you gonna do in Australia? Engineering?”
Alumni: “I’m gonna do women”
“You know what sounds really good right now?”
“S’mores?”
“Jumping off a fucking cliff”
“I was gonna serve cunt today but I slept in. I’ll serve cunt tomorrow”
“I wish I was able to hibernate. I wish I was given the same grace bears wear given”
“What are you so happy about?”
“I have CHICKEN!!”
“I’m gonna bark at him”
“I am sorry to disappoint everyone, but I am a straight individual”
“Four plus four equals ate”
“Ooh what’s 64 divided by 2”
“…32?”
“Oh-“ *was trying to get eight*
“Oh my god, oh my god”
*concerned* “what??”
“My uterus.”
“This train is so hot [read: attractive]”
“That’s called a concussion sweetie”
*to psych teacher* “you have stds?”
“You think he has women??”
“Did I ask?”
“No but I answered”
“Knock knock”
“Who’s there”
“Banana- wait no”
“The chicken is suicidal, the chicken is depressed, and I am the chicken” - about why did the chicken cross the road
“If I wanna hear sonic injesting coke, then I’m going to hear sonic injesting coke godammit”
“This is my bad ear-“
“The fact that you have a bad ear is really concerning”
“Well you have two bad eyes so fuck you”
2 notes · View notes
2ndstringloser · 1 year
Text
Guts track predictions!!
1. all american bitch Liv has said this one is going to be more pop punk vibes and sound very similar to brutal which is verrry exciting. My wild prediction is that it might have some political messaging, olivia has been very outspoken this last year about womens rights in america so a little commentary on that from her wouldnt be too far from reality.
2. bad idea right?  Her interview with vogue mentioned a song that is about having a night with an ex partner and i just feeeel like this is probably it. the feeling of oh this is a horrible idea but we’re gonna do it anyway arent we and the emotions that come with jumping back into something for just one night
3. vampire vampire. 
4. lacy honestly this is the only one i can’t even begin to make an assumption about. it could be a romantic song or it could be something else idk this name isnt giving me a lot
5. ballad of a homeschool girl very self explanitory, i would assume its an exploration of the experiences and things she feels she missed out on by not going to normal school.
6. making the bed i think this is a play on the idiom “you made your bed now lie in it”. Olivia has talked a lot in interviews recently about owning up to past mistakes, so i predict this song would be about embracing the concequences that can come with making mistakes. 
7. logical  this will probably be a song about the internal conflict of knowing when a choice or a relationship isnt rational or logical, and that you might regret it if you do, but wanting to do so bad that you dont care if it isnt logical.
8. get him back im almost certain this will be a double entendre on “get him back” meaning getting back together with someone and “get him back” meaning get revenge. its going to be the second single so its for sure gonna be very up beat and poppy, probably not sad. if the clip of song that was in the tracklist video is actually this song then i bet itll sound a bit more like deja vu and good 4 u had a baby.
9. love is embarassing this one is gonna be so relatable i can feel it, probably going in on the idea of when you have a crush thats so strong you are literally embarrased at how much you love the person. and just the way that being in love requires so much vulnerability that you cringe every time you open up to someone. 
10. the grudge if “now i hold you like a grudge” from the tracklist video are lyrics from this song then i bet its gonna be slower and more of a ballad, i cant tell though if itll be angry sad or just sad sad 
11. pretty isnt pretty the vogue interview also mentioned a song about the expectations put on women and their apperances, so this is almost definitely the one.
12. teenage dream my brain is saying brutal reference and thats the only thing i can think of. I highly highly doubt she would end the album on a song that sounds like brutal though so its probably a lot slower and sadder. I think the purpose of the closing track referencing the opening track of her debut is to sort of close the book on this chapter of her life. these are the two albums she created as a teenager, they are very similar in branding and aesthetic and i feel like its clear olivia sees them as sister albums. I think this is her closing the door on her teen years and closing the door on this chapter of her carreer as well. 
9 notes · View notes
moumantaimf · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
Block that motherfucker
================= Panel 1: It's a long string of text messages that finish in "You've successfully blocked this phone. They cannot contact you anymore"
Panel 2: D explains "If this had happened a year ago, I'd probably have retreated to my room and endured this all in silence. I didn't want people to pity me... but at the same time I want this to be known: I don't want this shit to be hidden in the darkness anymore. The guy texting me is my dad. Why did he come here? I have no idea, but I'm almost sure he got invited here in the same way you all were. It doesn't matter, the thing is, since he didn't get the password that gives him access to all the V.I.P areas, he likely is having to pay for everything.
Panel 3: D continues "...Serves him right. Not only he left my mom and me because he couldn't admit to his wife that he had cheated on her, but he actively tried to prevent us from getting any financial help. The time I tried to go to his house to beg for his help he had me removed from it by a policeman and what I guess was a maid. Anyways, I've actively refused to engage. I have no idea how he got my number, but I've been just reading his texts. Not gonna lie, it hurts and I want to reply to him so much, but I've been actively trying not to do so. I saw him during the concert, he was with my half sister.
Panel 4: Khi says "Wait, what do you mean with 'he cheated on her'? What does 'financial help' means? I'm sorry, I'm just trying to understand". Sher says "Dad... I need to explain to you all a bit how the society on Earth works and why this is a huge issue".
====================
Transcription of the phone conversation.
26:39 Do you want to humiliate me so much? 26:40 I didn't expect you to grow up so resentful. But I should've expected it. I suck 26:42 I'm a horrible person. I'm a shit father. There i said it 26:43 Please forgive me for all I did, whatever it was. I'm sorry for making you sad, but gimme one more chance 26:44 Please I am begging you 26:46 Come on dont leave me in the air 26:48 I'm literally opening my heart to you and you ignore me, and you do this 26:51 I know its my fault but you should have a bit of consideration towards my feelings too 26:53 You weren't the only one hurt, you know? 26:54 Your mom hurt me too. You hurt me too. That's why I left. I had no other option. 26:57 Come on talk to me 27:03 Daniel, I'm asking you. No, I'm begging you! Talk to me! Say something! 27:06 Daniel talk to me, I'm your dad 27:08 Even if you don't like it, I'm your dad and you owe me some respect 27:12 I know your "friends" will say respect is earned, not owed, but they are WRONG. You have no idea how things were done in my times 27:15 These ideas are the reason why kids these days go all "I'm more important than anybody else" 27:18 Daniel stop ignoring me, I know you're somewhere in this space station and i *will* force you to talk to me! 27:22 Daniel, answer me or else 27:25 Daniel! 27:30 Daniel! 27:35 If you don't answer me now I'll kill myself and it will be YOUR fault! You'll be a murderer! 27:44 You're dead to me Daniel 27:53 I regret so much having met your mother 27:57 I didn't mean to say that, I was just angry. Forgive me Daniel. It won't happen again.
You've successfully blocked this phone. They cannot contact you anymore.
5 notes · View notes
misqnon · 6 months
Note
hi, i just read all of ur posts tagged as misqnon's one piece liveblogging and it was so much fun T-T. im here to rant about one piece and im sorry.
i really love seeing people react to content i am caught up with and hold close to my heart.
i got into the 800s in the anime and stopped watching, took a break and then read the manga up to around 1060. but last month i decided to read the whole thing from the beginning and it is genuinely SO WORTH IT.
after u have caught up completely its super rewarding to go back and look at previous chapters bc its constant "oh my god look what was foreshadowed here??" and "now i understand the context behind this!!!" and "this interaction is so much more meaningful now that i know their relationship!!". yes it did take me a whole month of nearly nonstop reading to catch back up but i have 0 regrets.
wano and the arc after it are both super fun and interesting and i think ur gonna love it. the lore is crazy. i hope u dont see any spoilers bc going into it completely blind will probably be way more exciting, especially with the most recent arc since its kinda suspenseful and mysterious,,.
anyways thats all i have to say how do you end these things.. take care!!
AAAAA ANON THIS IS SUCH A FUN MESSAGE TO RECIEVE THANK YOU...
I ended up talking a lot so I'll put this under a cut lol
I used to be the person who said I would never watch one piece 😭😭 I've been into anime since I was like 12 and I'm almost 24 now (fuck . That's like half my life) and obviously it's always been on my radar but I always thought it was 1. Too popular 2. Too Long 3. Hated how oda draws women lmao so I was fine ignoring it and only knowing the basics from just Being On The Internet
I think sometime early on I caved and attempted to watch it- I got to alabasta and stopped bc the anime pacing wasn't doing it for me (though I liked it up until then, but didn't LOVE it)
cut to high-school where a couple of my good friends liked it but we never really talked about it, it was a lifelong interest for one of them bc he'd started reading it on like 4th grade
Well I'm still friends with them (shoutout to sam and seb) and they convinced me to watch one piece film red with them in like July or August of last year bc they were showing me the songs and I, ado fan bc I'm a retired weaboo and a vocaloid Stan, was like "haha that sounds like ado" and they went "IT IS!!!!??" so I had to watch it for her.
again, I was like oh this is fun I like this :^) but no IMMEDIATE interest, more of a passive thing... until the live action came out a month or so later and I watched it just because and DAMN I FELL IN LOVE FAST
I went back to the anime and rewatched the beginning, then skipped back to alabasta where I had left off years and years ago and now I'm Here 🧍
I watched up through part of dressrosa before I started reading the manga, and now I'm doing that while watching certain episodes of just the parts I really wanna see animated
It's been. So Fun
I am now that person who's like Hey You Should Watch One Piece. I get it now. I so get it lmao. And you know the weirdest part is that with it being divided up into arcs like it is I find myself thinking it really doesn't feel that long!?!? Am I insane,
anyways. It's been a while since I was in an active fandom or even in a fandom at all - ESPECIALLY such a big one!?! (I was in college for 4 years and Busy).
but it's. Crazy. I'm writing fanfics and joining discord servers and I've never done that before. it's been very fun and rewarding tbh...I don't like a lot of things about oda and aspects he included and ofc one piece isn't perfect or unproblematic but it IS a really awesome epic of a story about friendship and found family and anti authority and its just.
Tumblr media
I'm also a person who's always loved reaction videos or just even seeing otherppl react to things I like so I RELATE AND IM SO GLAD I CAN BE THAT FOR U...
I'm ngl as I've been reading I've been wanting to look up some old one piece forums dated the time certain reveals happened bc I want to see how people felt as this shit came out holy Shit....
it's additionally funny bc this blog is about 10 years old and has amassed a decent amount of followers over the years who were just into some of the other random stuff I've been into but I know a fair amount of them were thinking we were on the same page of not being into one piece and now here I am. Ruining that. And with the pervert character as my favorite no less. lmao SORRYYYY YALL <3
I'll leave u with this message I sent into the discord I share with some friends the other day, none of which really watch op, when asked to explain something about the show. In fact, I think the reasoning for this message was BECAUSE I was explaining to a friend just how much oda foreshadows things!! jinbei, kaido, haki, sanjis backstory, ALL being mentioned by name or referenced DECADES/YEARS BEFORE APPEARING ON SCREEN...HUNDREDS OF CHAPTERS APART....I could rant on more but I'll stop for now.
Tumblr media
thank u for the message and feel free to dm me to talk about this silly show anytime bc its sunken its claws into me 😭
0 notes
imy2 · 9 months
Text
notes longtext
2-2 oooo hi hector , didnt realize he'd be so soon •
oh damn goodbye mack. should've expected that was this ep w vasquez comin in... ughh the way murphy looks when addy's staring at him :/// •
2-3 "woahh don't be so negative; worry is poison - that's why you don't crap right." lmao random dude, too real •
"you are not the boss of me -.- she is." one of my fav murphy lines •
ok i regret not taking notes last eps so recap of what i rmbr then onward.. rc2-4 z weed lol • rc2-5 nvr noticed b4 that they call this ep aka lucy zombaby - makes sensee , but s1 zombaby is true zombaby in my heart. lucy's lucy :p ... ugh serena was so pretty this ep.. even looked cool as a zombie • rc2-6 gb4n lucy.. also cassandra :(( </3 • rc2-7 sketchy n skeezy were here again .. • rc2-8 i thiiink it was this ep that this happened but if not close enuff.. warren said to murphy, "the time is coming where you're gonna have to decide what side you're on - and when that time comes, remember which is trying to help u survive n which wants to eat ur brains." ooo i never noticed how good of a line that is bc well warren which side is which! half the zombies dont care abt murphy atp and yall r takin him to be experimented on .. hmmm • rc2-9 this is always a fun ep • rc2-10 idt docs cool aop in this ep... • rc2-11 addys hotelwoman moment :') • rc2-12 oo the zeroes.. warrens sooo pretty •
2-13 murphy savin warren, hell yeah. murphy listening to warren, helll yeahh. again warrens gorg.. hector n doc n murphy all also look cool .. el camino B) 10k w slingshot - also cool •
2-14 lmfao doc pre-z(beginning of z actually) "oh jeez, sorry, didn't mean to intrude! -- what a minute, what did i just see.. larry and his gay lover? it's funny he never mentioned him.. 2 patients wrestling on the couch? .. it's a damn zombie! hang on larry!" lol him pullin a joint from his beard .. • •interlude ... i used to say i wish i had a beard all the time as a kid 9-like12, love that for me..idt id want one now, i do wish i had more body hair tho man my arms n legs look hairless basically -.- my brother used to always comb his hand thru his thick ass leg -.- #jealous .. also hairy stomachs r so hot -.- anyways.. i also need to do smth diff w my headhair like sooo bad. its been like 6yrs since ive had a haircut its badd. i wish i cld do a cool haircut but my hairs thin n straight so.. no cool cuts look how i'd want them to w/o stylin n i cannot put stylin effort into my hair everyday.. i need a genius to tell me wtd w my hair basically! but im scared of goin anywhere..
also on subject of gender(re my feelings abt my hair) i've been kind of (aka when i rmbr to lol n when it dsnt feel awk) tryin to speak in a deeper pitch .. i hate when my voice sounds as high as it does smtimes :/ also.. well nvm 4now •
"why me? i don't want to be shit. this is all some terrible mistake. i just want to crawl off and die like everybody else. why me? what did i do? where is my mercy?" murphy n mercy (n me) i said it! •
omg pre-z murphy looks so different n cool. & postal fraud man.. he shld be pissed •
"if you were really my friend, you'd help me." "but i'm not your friend." ... "they're gonna hurt me. you know that, right?" "i won't let that happen." •
2-15 "i did not spend three years fighting my way across 10,000miles of zombie-crazed america just so i can be a blood bag for a few billionaires." hell yeah •
bye vasquez .. hey hector.. hey(almost) kaya n dr. sun :-) aww lucy.. •
•s2 done.. overall rating.. 3.5/5 .. i didnt rate s1 brb.. 3/5 .. huh kinda surprised s2 came out on top •
3-1 hi red.. hi the man... •
ooo i nvr noticed the red details -right b4 walking up there's red cloth in a basket, then - redofc, 5ks keychains, warrens bandana, 10ks socks n bandana n shirt stripes, docs suspenders n sunglasses, cassandra's jacket, addy's shirt n jacket tassels .. very obvious, cool .. then just blue murphy. interesting. enuff red down the line tho •
"got a name?" "10,000. but everyone calls me 10k." "10,000? that's a number, not a name." ... ''so what's ur name?" "red." "that's not a name, that's a color." - wait lol, "you asked me my name, that's my name" red u did it to him first •
3-2 • intros.. s1 was 3bullets, s2 was 2bullets-chomp, s3 was 3bullets+spin .. fun stuff •
now murphy got red pants this ep.. after they first reinforced blue by only showing shirt/skin/hat.. interesting •
ahh murphy wanted warren to go w him so bad :/ "seriously roberta?" .. "ttfn" •
3-3 got a fun screenshot from this ep .. terrible quality ofc.. •
Tumblr media
3-4 10k off the bridge n merch khs .. fair enuff•
3-5 tbh the way reds been here so far(aka e1 n now) is so weird.. •
0 notes
with-love-from-hell · 2 years
Note
you talk a lot about trauma and sexual assault and I really appreciate all of the different comfort things you've done as a former victim myself...but I guess I'm curious to know your story, if you feel comfortable sharing. I know you don't owe us any of that and im so sorry if you find this insensitive you can delete it if you're not comfortable...anyway I love your work its saved my life.
Hi anon!
First, I'm glad my works have been helpful for your own healing. I hope you're doing well and that you're in a better place now than you have been. Thanks for being a fan. 💕
Second, I have told my story so many times that it doesn't phase me anymore, so I will definitely be open to sharing. If you want to ignore this, its all below the cut. Please mind the Tw.
TW after this point for sexual assault, victim blaming/police reporting/rape kit mention, grooming, and abortion.
So I think you all have gathered by now that I dont have a great relationship with my dad lol. He was very sex-negative and misogynistic while I was growing up, despite his own borderline inappropriate sexual interests given his views on women. He also said a lot of shitty things whenever a sexual assault case would make the news about the victims. My first exposure to sex was stumbling across one of his bondage magazines, so needless to say that was pretty jarring as a 9 year old. My moms attitude toward sex was more "ignore it and it won't happen" at the time (she's much better now), and they both mostly chose to not talk with me or my sister about it at all.
My first encounter with anything sexual was when I was 12 and got my first "boyfriend" (I dont count it bc the dude was 17). It was preceeded by months of grooming. I had initially said yes after what was hours of coercion, and it was not a great experience. This individual continued to assault me repeatedly, even after I broke up with him shortly after I turned 15 because I was afraid of telling my parents or really anyone. Even through my future relationships, I kept it hidden out of fear. There were a lot of photos taken of me that circulated around my school, and I experienced a lot of bullying and harassment as a result of that.
It wasn't until I was almost 17 that I actually told a mentor of mine at my school. He was the first man that I actually trusted, and he's still in my life today, as more of a friend than a mentor. Frankly, if I didn't have him, idk where I would be at now. He saved my life. And now I look back and see how much of a burden that was for him, as I begged him not to report. And he didn't- which could have cost him his job, and resulted in negligence charges brought against him. Thankfully, that didn't happen. But I regret begging him not to say anything every day, and putting him in an awful position. I did end up reporting it to the police once, and that I do regret. They had me do a rape kit, and then never tested it. And through the entire report, they constantly blamed me and picked apart everything I said. It sucked ass, and I didnt report anything after that.
One of the guys I dated for a few months during this time (I think when I was 15?) Was not much better. He introduced me to "kink" in a coercion type way, and I engaged in a lot of stuff that I wouldn't have if I knew what it was. We dated for 3 months the first time, and I ended things because of how uncomfortable it made me. We dated again at 17 for another 5 months, but I ended things because I found out he had cheated on me with the reasoning being that I wouldn't have sex with him enough in the ways that he wanted me to.
So after going to college, things chilled out a lot. I worked through a lot, and navigated my identity. I even discovered what asexuality was and realized I had a name for my identity- even if it was a result of trauma. It was relatively peaceful to a degree until the summer before my Senior year, where I found out who I thought was a close friend (we'll call him K) had copies of the pictures of me from a mutual friend (we'll call him M). M also informed me that, on a trip we all went on, K told him he was "cockblocking" and had intended to use the trip as a way to "get with me." After learning this, I was thankful M was with, and that he took it seriously enough to never leave us alone together because he could tell I wasn't interested. Maybe it was because M was also a survivor, but I was pretty close with him for a long time until we drifted apart. I still think about him a lot and im thankful he was around to protect me.
Well, anyways. After confronting K and trying to cut ties, he also assaulted me. At the time, I was not on birth control, and he didn't use protection, so I ended up getting pregnant. This is when I had my abortion, I reported it and got a restraining order, and I suppose the rest is history.
I've also had other uncomfortable encounters with cis men besides this. I was groped at a night club during college, one of my sisters boyfriends (who was 18 when I was 14) tried touching me during a car ride while my sister was asleep on his shoulder, and I had another one of her boyfriends hold me down and force me into a hug when I told him I didn't want to once. I've also had strangers cat call me before I was 18, and have had clients in the past make sexual comments at me too. Plus all of this shit recently (though I'm unsure of the gender of the individual)The list is pretty much endless, and im sure I'm leaving something out. I'm sure a lot of you can relate to that.
Anyways, that's all ill say about it. I've done a lot of therapy (nearly 11 years) to work on this plus all of the others stuff I have/had going on. I hope that all of you who read this and can unfortunately relate to my experiences know that I support you and im so sorry for whatever you've gone through. You're not alone, and I hope you're able to get the help you need- from friends, family (if you can), and professional supports. You didn't deserve anything thats happened to you and your voice deserves to be heard.
I love you all 💕💕
12 notes · View notes
aomineavenue · 4 years
Text
Homesick (Miya Atsumu x f!Reader) | 007. realizations
Tumblr media
Summary: Six years ago, L/N Y/N wouldn’t exactly say that she loves her life. It had always been problematic but her best friend, Miya Atsumu, since she was eight when she moved to Hyōgo, has always been there for her, and she wouldn’t change it for the world. However, things would always fall apart for her ever since, so she should have expected of such. Running away from her problems seemed like the easiest route to take at the time, so what happens when the past comes barging back into her life demanding answers? Will she be able to confront her demons?
Pairings: Miya Atsumu x f!Reader
Updates: irregular.
Genre: Angst, ANGST I LOVE ANGST, a lil bit of fluff here and there.
Warnings: Language, etc. (Will be mentioned once posted because I don’t want spoilers huehue)
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters except for the reader and my ideas. I do not claim any images used for content in this fic, everything goes out to their respective creators unless it is mentioned that it is mine.
Status: ongoing. | series masterlist
↩ dinner disaster | realization | chapter seven bonus  ↪
Tumblr media
mia’s note(s): 
another easter egg found here! can you find it? 
i’m so excited because we’re almost done. remember how i said it’s 12 chapters? well, i’ve shortened it ok lmao dont be mad but homesick is almost over hehe 
i would just like to personally thank @newfriendjen​ and @hqstuffsforme​ bcoz they literally give me the motivation I need to continue writing lmao
Tumblr media
The model scrunches her features up in annoyance, puffing her cheeks as if she were a child being deprived of sweets. She flickers her attention over to you, her jaw clenching at the mere fact a woman was seated next to him. “Excuse me.” 
You arch an eyebrow, noticing her glowering towards your direction. “Me?” 
“Yes, you.” she answers, her eyes betraying the smile she had on, “I believe you’re in my seat.” 
Tumblr media
The past few weeks had been exhausting for him, and it wasn’t because of their intense training for upcoming games. His exhaustion’s source was mainly from the most recent important events, it took a toll on him emotionally. While this may be true, he understands there wasn’t anyone to blame but himself. The anger still existed somewhere in his mind, displeasing him whenever his thoughts reminded him of the chances he had lost to take care of his kids at a much younger age, but he had tried his best to subdue those particular emotions ever since that night. Chaotic as it was, it took him a step closer towards the realization of what he really needed to do. All he needed now was a little shove.
“‘Tsumtsum!” he hears her screech, the muscles around his shoulders grow tense. The irony of it all, just as they were discussing that horrendous memory of the Christmas Party just last December that he had tried his best to eradicate from his brain due to his own embarrassment, he couldn’t believe the model in question had instantaneously emerged out of thin air. What was she doing all the way here in Kanagawa? It was as if he had no escape from her suffocating clutches. A quick glance towards his brother and he recognizes the criticizing features sewn on his twin’s features and all he could do was share a silent communication, pleading for his aid. 
Out of all the times this woman could appear, she appears at the very moment where he was sort of, trying, to redeem himself. Silently, he prays as she snakes her arms around his neck, that you, settled next to him, wouldn’t conclude anything from it, but who was he kidding? The position itself was sufficient evidence for you to come up with the conclusion he’s dreading. He can sense everyone’s eyes on him, the irritation they were radiating for such disruption. As she releases another infuriating squeal, this time an inch away from his ear, he pries her hands away from his neck and wraps his fingers around her wrist to pull her to the side. 
Her lower lip juts out to a pout as she stands by the table, ignoring the dirty look he was directing her way. “What’s wrong ‘Tsumtsum? Did you not like my surprise?” 
“Surprise?” he disputes, his brows furrowed in confusion as he releases his grip from her wrist, displeasure evident in his tone as he spoke. “Don’t tell me you were stalking me, Yumi.”  
She folds her arms across her chest and lets out a scoff of disbelief escape her lips, “You make it sound as if I’m not your girlfriend or something!” 
“Well, you aren’t.” he argues, a sigh of frustration escaping his lips, “We’ve talked about this. We’re not together and how did you know I was going to be here anyway?” 
“That’s some serious stalking there, Yumi-san.” Hinata quips from his seat innocently, the other individuals around the table attempt their best to contain their sniggering at the sight of the model going red in the face from both anger and embarrassment. 
She releases a grunt from her lips, sending a glare towards Hinata’s direction before turning her attention back at him, flashing him an innocent smile. “I don’t care what you say, we’re dating. You can’t just drop me like that. What we have is something special, you love me right? You never really said it before, but I know you’re just being shy, ‘Tsumtsum, it’s o—” 
“Please,” He interjects, “Drop it. We’ve discussed this already, Yumi.” 
The model scrunches her features up in annoyance, puffing her cheeks as if she were a child being deprived of sweets. She flickers her attention over to you, her jaw clenching at the mere fact a woman was seated next to him. “Excuse me.” 
You arch an eyebrow, noticing her glowering towards your direction. “Me?” 
“Yes, you.” she answers, her angry eyes betraying the smile she had on, “I believe you’re in my seat.” 
“Yumi!” Atsumu hisses, pushing himself to stand from his seat. “Stop this, right now. We’re trying to have a quiet dinner.” 
Clearing your throat, you avoid the model’s glare as you stand yourself, “I think I’m full, and I’d like to return to the hospital. She can have my seat.” 
“Wait, what?” Reiji chokes, sharing a panic glance over to his current partner in crime across from him. “But we haven’t even gotten to the main course,” 
Yumi squeezes her way towards your seat after pulling you away from where you stood with abrupt force, a happy squeal leaving her lips as she occupies the seat you sat on seconds ago, she turns to look up at you, a smug smile evident in her features, “Safe travels.” 
“Enjoy the rest of your night, everyone.” you bid, bowing your head slightly before your feet take off towards the exit of the restaurant. 
“Good riddance, if you ask me.” Yumi scoffs with a wave of her hand to capture everyone’s attention. She claps her hands together excitedly as she looks up at Atsumu, “I missed you so much, ‘Tsumtsum! You never bring me to dinners with your friends, this is so exciting for our relation—” 
As Reiji was practically seething from the side like a predator ready to pounce an attack towards its enemy for disrespecting his best friend like that, and from the sudden thought of regret entering his mind of how he shouldn’t have trusted Atsumu for not doing anything. However, such thoughts were crushed almost instantly at the sight of the furious glare Atsumu was sending over to the model that was seated uninvitedly on your seat. 
The sight of a furious Atsumu was enough to send a chill through her spine, as she was about to try to soothe the volleyball player by reaching out for him, he slaps her hands away which causes her to whimper, jutting her lower lip out to pout. “What did I do?” 
“Are you serious, Yumi?” he snaps, nails burying into his palms to restrain his growing irritation, “I can’t believe you would do that.” 
“Why does it matter?” she whines, trying to reach out for him once again, only to fail as he steps back further, “Are you serious right now? Who was that bitch anyway?” 
Reiji interrupts, his voice full of venom from behind the model, “I’d watch your tongue if I were you.” 
“Whatever,” she stutters, attempting to look unfazed by the singer’s words by rolling her eyes but her quivering posture radiated otherwise, “She shouldn’t matter, ‘Tsumtsum, let’s just continue dinner.” 
“What are you? A child?” Osamu intrudes, not able to hold back his tongue any longer from this model’s personality, “Stop calling my brother such a horrendous nickname like a squealing pig.” 
An offended gasp escaped her lips, glowering towards Osamu, “He likes it when I call him that, so sucks to be you! And I’m not a child, I’m a fully grown woman.” 
“Could have fooled me,” Asuma mutters underneath his breath. 
Yumi lets out a grunt. “Tell them, baby. You like it when I call you—Where are you going?” 
He doesn’t spare her a glance, weaving his way through the restaurant to run after you, “I hate that nickname.” 
Before Yumi could stand up and follow after him, her path was blocked by the other individuals around the table who had stood up the second they realized Atsumu’s plan of action. “What are you doing? Let me through! You’re all going to regret this!” 
Yumi’s screech was the last thing Atsumu heard as he steps out of the restaurant, a part of him feeling bad for his friends being left to deal with Yumi’s ridiculous antics and well, for the other people in the restaurant that might have had their ears traumatized. He never really understood what he saw in her in the first place, it was Yumi who had approached him in the beginning anyway. He should have listened to Osamu instead. 
He looks around frantically, wanting to be able to catch up to you. He needed to talk to you, to apologize for Yumi’s behavior. He was just hoping that, somehow, he still had a chance to fix things with you. Hopefully, Yumi’s appearance hadn’t ruined those chances. 
He catches a glimpse of your retreating figure walking towards the nearest bus station and he feels his heart soar, you haven't gone too far yet. He doesn’t waste any more time than he already has, sprinting towards your direction, calling out your name.
At the sound of his voice, your name rolling off of his tongue in desperation, you turn your head to look back with confusion. He reaches you almost instantly after you pivot your body to face his direction. Despite looking flustered as he catches his breath, he takes your breath away. 
“Oh, sorry.” a feminine voice interrupts his train of thought through memory lane, causing him to turn around, startled, “I didn’t realize someone was already occupying the balcony.” 
He lets out an awkward laugh, shaking his head, “No, it’s okay. It’s not like I’d stop you, I don’t own the space or anything.” 
“So you don’t mind if I share your space? The party inside is kind of suffocating.” she lets out a sigh, avoiding his gaze sheepishly. 
“I don’t mind at all,” he nods, tearing his gaze away from her as she steps out onto the balcony. He returns his gaze over to the buildings of Shinjuku, the different bright hues from various buildings painting the night sky.
“Penny for your thoughts?” 
He hums softly, lifting the cold bottle of Sapporo up to his lips to take a quick sip. He lets out a sigh, “Just some stuff, it’s nothing really.” He turns to look over at her when she steps towards the edge of the balcony near him, “Wait, aren’t you Tobio-kun’s sister? The sports journalist?” 
She lets out a laugh with a nod of her head, “Yeah, I’m glad I’ve made a name for myself then for some of the players here to recognize me. Though, I don’t think I appreciate being known as Tobio’s sister, not that I’m not proud of my brother or anything.”
“Ah, sorry. I didn’t mean to.” he states sheepishly.
She shakes her head, offering him a small smile. “It’s okay, no worries. You realize the party is inside, don’t you? I think I heard Bokuto-san looking for you or something.” 
“I suppose I’m not really in the mood right now,” he mutters underneath his breath, looking back up ahead. “Not really in the right mind space. I don’t really know why I’m telling you this, you’re a journalist.” 
She pouts, “I’m not as bad as those gossiping sharks. I prefer to actually produce worthy news. Speaking of news, you’ve been everywhere lately. I suppose it’s hard for you. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if that happens.” 
“I don’t mind it,” he admits, his forehead creasing.
“Pardon?” 
He lets out another sigh, shifting his position so his back is leaning against the railing of the balcony, “I don’t mind it. I just wish she was left out of things. She doesn’t deserve such slander.” 
“I suppose the woman associated in the news with you actually means something to you then,” she muses, “I always thought that model Yumi was irritating. I’m sure her fame will fly out the window sooner or later.” 
He lets out a scoff of irritation, taking another swig of the beer in his hand, “Don’t even remind me of her.” 
“She’s not really well liked either,” the journalist beside him snickers, “Don’t worry about it too much, you’ll grow wrinkles. Say, Miya-san, do you love her?” 
He’s startled by the direct question, if it were not for his tight grip around the beer bottle, it would have slipped from his fingers and came crashing to the floor. No one, not even his brother, had asked him such a question. He never really thought about it, but ever since that night, you were all he could think about. “It’s complicated.” 
“A lot of things are complicated.” she starts, tilting her head back up to look at the dark sky from the penthouse balcony, “There will always be complications, you know. But, do you know what’s the bright side of it?” 
He turns his head to look over at her in curiosity, “What?” 
She lets out a heavy sigh, a sad smile forming on her lips. “For each complicated situation we are in, the only person who can deal with such complications, is ourselves. Everything is in our hands. The only question you should be asking yourself is, what is the outcome you wish to have? Then from there, I’m sure you’ll be able to find a solution to your complicated situation.”
“I wish it were that easy,” he frowns, fluttering his eyelids shut as he lets the cold night breeze brush against his skin. 
A laugh escapes her lips, “Nothing is ever easy. Life would be boring if that were the case. But all I can say is, it’s really up to you whether you want to take action or not.” 
A comfortable silence engulfs the two occupants on the balcony, the soft chatter from the V.League Association party almost seemed it were music flowing throughout the large penthouse, the usual busy streets of Shinjuku were quiet as the time flew by, signalling how late it had gotten. 
“Thank you,” Atsumu breaks the silence, a small smile playing on his lips. 
She nods her head, returning his smile with her own, “It’s nothing, really. I may not know what’s really happening, but I know the feeling of being part of a complicated situation. Trust me, I’m having a hard time following my own advice.” 
“I’m sure you’ll—” 
“Am I interrupting something?” 
The two switch their attention over to the man that steps into the comfortable space, Atsumu flickering his gaze back and forth to the woman next to him and the volleyball player that made his appearance. He notes the stiff posture of the woman who had been accompanying him and he comes to the conclusion that it was his cue to leave. “Ah, no Ushijima-san. I believe you’re looking for this one, so I’ll leave you two to it.” 
Before Atsumu could leave the two to talk, the woman calls out his name. He glances back over his shoulder, capturing a glimpse of her encouraging smile. “If you love her, you should let her know.”
He gives her an appreciative smile before stepping back inside of the penthouse, the murmur of a chatter earlier from the balcony becoming more clear and loud. Placing the half-empty bottle of Sapporo down on a surface in the lounging area, he glances over at the digital wall clock. 
An hour until midnight. It would take him at least an hour or so to travel back to Kanagawa from Shinjuku.
Not wasting another second, despite the calls from his teammates, he leaves the party with determination. 
Tumblr media
The thin hospital blanket you had requested earlier from a nurse barely gave you any warmth, your body engulfed in a chilly embrace. Not even curling up your body to a fetal position and clinging the white sheets closer gave you any source of heat. 
Letting out a groan of frustration, you push the blankets away and shift your body to a sitting position on the rather uncomfortable armchair provided by the hospital, giving up on sleep for the meantime. Aside from the murmur produced from the air conditioner and the steady beeping of Atsuhiro’s vitals indicating a healthy heartbeat from the monitor, it was too silent for your liking. 
You realize it was almost midnight after a quick glance at the digital clock that rested on the surface of the side table next to Atsuhiro’s bed, and you couldn’t help but let out a heavy sigh. At least Atsuhiro was sleeping peacefully. It had taken a while before he had gotten used to sleeping in another bed that wasn’t his, often waking up in the middle of the night or not being able to sleep at all. 
The sound of shuffling breaks your train of thought and you shift your attention over to your sleeping mother who you insisted occupied the small couch. A little sore back was nothing of an appreciation for your mother’s attentiveness to your sons. She had refused to return back to Hyōgo until Atsuhiro had been discharged from the hospital, and despite it taking awhile since there hadn’t been a suitable donor for him yet, not a single complaint had left your mother’s mouth. 
You couldn’t help but shoulder the burden of the delay on finding Atsuhiro a donor, the past weeks had been hectic and stressful. And if you were going to be honest, ever since that disaster of a dinner, you had been putting off the idea of having the much needed talk with Atsumu. You were just thankful that Atsuhiro’s condition hadn’t worsened since then.
You were, more or else, afraid, of where or how the conversation was going to end. The doubt you had was not just because of your insecurities, but it was also because, since that night, you hadn’t heard from Atsumu himself. You couldn’t blame him, the night had ended in disaster as well, nor was the morning after very pleasant from being bombarded with strings of questions from your friends. 
Fame. 
It was something you never got used to despite your friends being in a boy band for so long. You were now under the spotlight, and what was worse was that after some thorough digging by crazy fans, your sons, your precious sons, had been dragged through mud. However, you were grateful for certain fans, the fans of Galaxy Standard in particular, had defended you without much of a command from their idols. As soon as your name, and your kids, were mentioned, they immediately jumped in to defend you. Bless their souls. 
Although, you still couldn’t believe it yourself of the events that occurred right after you had exited the restaurant, intent on returning to the hospital. 
The already dreadful night takes a turn for the worst, the annoying high pitched shrill being repeated causing you to wince as the woman who had completely ruined, well, a already ruined dinner made her way through the threshold of little sanity that you had left and closed the gap between her and Atsumu by wrapping her arms around his neck from behind where he sat, she was dangerously standing close to you, more so enough for you to maybe stab your chopsticks to her side for her pesky squealing. What is she trying to imitate? A tortured pig? 
You didn't bother to cease your eye roll, this is Atsumu's type? Now, you know you aren't all that amazing or anything and looking at the woman clinging to Atsumu, she looked all around amazing, it was pretty obvious that she was a model. However, the personality she was exhibiting was nowhere near your expectations of the women Atsumu would date. It was overbearing. 
Instead of dealing with such ridiculous antics from a grown woman acting like a child, you decide it was best to find an excuse to leave. As the opportunity presented itself on a silver platter, you took it without any hesitation despite the quiet protests of Reiji from behind you. Exhaustion had left you with little sanity and dealing with someone like Yumi, well, you weren’t having it. 
Saying your polite goodbye, you left without another word, ignoring the pleading looks from your friends. It wasn’t as if you were angry or anything, maybe just a tad on the jealous side when Yumi had introduced herself as Atsumu’s girlfriend, but either than that, you just wanted a quiet night. The rowdy bunch was already enough to drain you, but having to deal with someone like Yumi? Yeah, no thanks. 
Stepping out of the restaurant, you shiver from the rush of cold air that brushes against the exposed patches of skin, making you silently regret not bringing a jacket with you. Instead of dwelling on your silly mistake, you wrap your arms around yourself for your momentary source of warmth, rubbing your exposed arms with your soft palms, it would have to do for the meantime. 
Luckily, you were familiar with the area since you’ve been to the restaurant more times than you can count, that despite not having a ride back to the hospital, you were at least knowledgeable of the area. You began your journey towards the nearest bus stop, knowing it was still fairly early since the dinner hadn’t even progressed that far yet. Somehow, despite being irritated by Yumi's presence, you were grateful for intrusion, at least you would be able to return to Atsuhiro earlier than expected. You’d have to give Shizuma a call once you return to the hospital to check on Atsuhiko. 
Thankfully, the walk to the nearest bus stop was short, because walking in heels was never something you adored, wincing already from the discomfort. You couldn’t wait to take them off for much more comfortable shoes. However, as you neared the bus stop, you hear his pleading shouts of your name and you halt almost instantly. For a moment, you wondered if it were just in your head, but at the sound of shouts mixed with hurried steps grew louder, your heart swells weirdly in your chest. Spinning around, you come to face Atsumu, catching his breath, his hands on his knees. 
“What…?” you mutter under your breath, “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be entertaining your girlfriend back there?” 
As he regains his composure, he pushes himself to stand properly, meeting your gaze instantly. His gaze catching your breath in your throat. Mesmerizing. 
“She’s not my girlfriend,” he shakes his head, looking at you with sincerity in his eyes, “I promise.” 
The corners of your mouth tug down to a frown, “Why are you telling me this, Atsumu? It’s fine. You’re not obligated to tell me who you’re dating. Just because we have kids together, doesn’t mean we should fix our shit and get togeth—” 
“I’m sorry,” he interrupts, causing your eyes to widen briefly before your brows furrowed in confusion from his apology. Sensing your confusion, he continues, “I’m sorry for everything. For our shitty past, for not treating you better, for not realizing my idiotic ways. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for a lot of things.” 
You press your lips to a thin line, racking your brain for a response. Well, what were you supposed to say? You had imagined this before, imagined what it would be like when Atsumu apologizes for things, and back then, you would have seen yourself rejecting his apologies, but as you stood there at that very moment, you couldn’t find the anger that you had. Then, you realized. This was Atsumu. 
Your best friend since you were eight years old, the one person that always bothered and teased you to no end, but no matter what, you could never find yourself being mad at him for a long period of time. You were always quick to forgive him. 
“And, I’m sorry for this,” he breaks your train of thought and you wonder what he means for a second, but as he closes the gap between the two of you as he cups your cheeks in his hands, you don’t fight back. 
You let him bring your face closer to his. 
You don’t fight back. 
Not even when his lips had found its rightful place against your own. 
You are pulled from your thoughts at the sound of knocking echoing throughout the quiet room, not realizing how your fingers have found their way against your lips, brushing along its luscious shape, almost as if you were reminiscing the sensation of his lips. 
The sound of knocking interrupts you once more and for a second, you had thought you had imagined it, but as it was repeated a few more times, you began wondering who it might be. After crossing the room in long strides, you slide the door open, eyes widening at the man standing before you.
“I love you.” 
Tumblr media
406 notes · View notes
klugpuuo · 3 years
Text
almost every puyo~tet single-character headcanon wie have
every character we've put more than three minutes of thought into are gonna be in this post. this *does* leave out a lot of characters, but still includes so many that hopefully that'll make up for it. ^also i forgot about this entirely while writing and tried to add a few characters i literally never think about everat all so you get extra funny commentary i guess
welp! enjoy the ride. and dont forget to like, comment, and subscribe (/lh)
warnings: mentions food, implied self-harm, delusions (not inherently triggering but still), general violence, some madou-era content, death. (more to be added + ask to tag) none of the things mentioned are in much detail.
Madou Monogatari / OG Puyo~Puyo characters:
Arle – 16 (chronologically 20 due to the Madou time stop but doesn’t realize it), has PTSD and ADHD + nonbinary transfem + sex-repulsed and questioning (she/he/they)
Assorted headcanons:
-Her armor was made into a sort of magical puberty blocker by her grandmother, who knew Arle was trans and wanted her to live her life to the fullest. -Although she has never been in an (official) romantic relationship, she’s usually the first person her friends go to for relationship advice. -She stims a lot, usually by twirling her hair around or jumping.
Relationship headcanons:
Partners: She’s in a vaguely romantic relationship with Serilly. “Vaguely” as in they go on dates frequently, kiss a lot, and would live together if they could, but neither is sure if they are actually dating. Friends: She adores Ringo and Amitie and wants to protect both of them – not in the super creepy and sorta patronizing way, but in the “she really cares about them and their well-being” way. Despite thinking that Schezo is an absolute fool at times, she still cares about him quite a bit. She’s come to regret what she did all those years ago, and is determined to make sure that Schezo never remembers it.
-
Schezo – ~200, has ADHD and PTSD + transmasc + homosexual (he/it/gore)
Assorted headcanons:
-Although he can be away from his sword, it’s bonded to his body so strongly that if he is too far away from it for too long he becomes incredibly weak. -He borrowed a thesaurus from Aya and Klug and is not planning on ever giving it back. -He doesn’t remember a single thing that happened before Puyo~7, and can hardly remember anything from then until Puyo~Tetris 2. -After learning about tone indicators, he begins to put “/nx” at the end of *all* of his messages online. Although a few people make fun of him for it, many people find it either endearing or some form of cool, and he’s affectionately known as “the /nx anon” in a few social circles. -His main special interests are forging and dark magic (good for him <3)
Relationship headcanons:
Crushes: He has a slight crush on Lemres, and thinks that Incubus is.. interesting. He also thinks Witch is cute but can’t tell if that’s a crush or what. (Good) friends: He considers Arle to be his best friend, and she’s usually the first person he’d go to for anything. The two actually lived together for a while. Although he thinks Rulue is a fool at times, he still cares about her and thinks she’s pretty impressive. Enemies...?: He once was always looking to pick a fight with Satan, but after (rather awkwardly) remembering that he once saw the prince as a father, he mostly stopped doing that.
-
Rulue – ~40-ish?, experiences delusions + cis lass + questioning (she/her and a few neopronouns)
Assorted headcanons:
-She’s not sure why there are so many people who are like her and at this point she’s wondering if it really is just a coincidence. -She secretly wishes that she could join Arle, Schezo and Witch’s arm-wrestling sessions, but as they’ve been going on for so long without her she feels almost awkward asking. -Although she still experiences delusions sometimes, she’s gotten a lot better at telling what’s true and what’s false.
Relationship headcanons:
Partner… sorta?: She’s sort of in a QPR with Raffina, and they go on platonic dates a lot. (Good) friends: She’s quite good friends with Arle, especially since she’s no longer chasing after Satan. Speaking of Satan, as she’s no longer absolutely obsessed with him she’s actually beginning to get along well with him, and the two regularly have friendly battles.
-
Witch – >16, might be NT + cis lass + omni (she/it)
Assorted headcanons:
-The only thing she can transform people or things into without help of a potion is mushrooms. -She’s surprisingly strong and quite good at arm wrestling. -She’s not sure if she had any sort of neurodiversities, but she doesn’t really care either way.
Relationship headcanons:
Crushes…?: She might have feelings for Arle, but even she doesn’t have any clue. She’s also.. interested in Feli, as she sees Feli as quite the interesting person. Family: She’s an orphan, although she doesn’t mind it. (Good) friends: She’s okay-ish friends with Schezo, and the two usually do arm wrestling matches with Arle in their free time.
-
Satan – ~3000<, only god knows + cis trans man (somehow less than a joke) + pansexual (he/it)
Assorted headcanons:
-As he’s so old and has changed his physical appearance so many times, he’s completely forgotten his original sex, if he even had one. -After getting very literally schooled by Raffina, he realized that his plans to acquire Arle were just never going to work, and after a while of self-reflection he decided that he’d rather spend the rest of eternity doing other things he liked than chasing around an underage lass. -Due to having completely remade the world himself, he feels almost completely disconnected from it. All the people he used to know.. aren’t the same, and it’s destroying him.
Relationship headcanons:
Partners: Misses his dead wife a lot, but is now happily dating (nd half-joke married to) Ex (Chosen) family: After Satan had a good long think about everything, he realized that he did actually care about Lidelle a lot, and now properly sees her as a little sister. Friends: He’s on good terms with Rulue and actually properly hangs out with her sometimes. -
Serilly – >16, has anxiety and experiences delusions + trans lass + questioning (she/her)
Assorted headcanons:
-hgnggng operea
Relationship headcanons:
Partners: She may or may not be dating Arle. (Chosen) family: Although she’s presumably an orphan, she has Suketoudara, who she sees as an older brother figure. Best friend: She platonically loves Harpy a lot, and the two of them spend a lot of time together. - Suketoudara – ~30, NT + about as cis guy as a fish can get + polysexual (he/him)
Assorted headcanons:
-I literally do not think about this guy
Relationship headcanons:
Sibling serilly
Puyo Fever (2) characters:
Amitie – 14 and a half, autistic + binary transfem + fem-leaning panromantic (she/fae/flare)
Assorted headcanons:
-She found out that she was trans when she was 7 years old, and managed to convince her parents to let her transition when she was 12. -She taught herself how to bake, and Arle taught her how to cook more salty things. She regularly makes lunches for her friends, even if they already have their own. -She cares a lot about Sig’s ladybug friend and usually “babysits” them when Sig has to leave to wherever. -Raffina and her are the only two with two parents who haven’t divorced and/or died, but as Amitie's parents are almost always at work she doesn't get to talk to them very much. -She stims by twirling her hair when it’s long, or squishing a puyo-shaped stress ball when it’s short.
Relationship headcanons:
Partners: She’s in a QPR with Sig and Klug, and says she wouldn’t give it up for the world. Crushes: She has a huge crush on Ringo, and a squish on Ess, but she doesn’t think either of them feel the same way. (Chosen) family: She feels rather lucky having contact with both her mother and father, as most of her friends don’t have contact with their own parents. Also, she looks up to Arle a lot, and sees them as an older sibling. Friends(?): Nobody can tell what exactly her relationship with Raffina is, but the most common theory is that they’ve kissed at least twice. Even during Lidelle’s fight with Sig, Amitie supported her, knowing she truly did regret her actions and it was mostly just a big misunderstanding.
-
Klug – 14 and three quarts, autistic and has ADHD + transmasc nonbinary + ace/aroflux (he/they/wir)
Assorted headcanons:
-Although he had initially asked to be called by neopronouns just as a joke, he found he actually liked the wir/worm set a lot, and now tends to go by that exclusively on some days. -On one night he doesn’t remember, all of his cosmetic glasses were mysteriously destroyed, along with all his contact lenses. After that, he stuck to just one pair of functional glasses -He was gifted an “EiPod” by Ringo and Amitie, although only the latter took credit for it. -He stims by humming, writing, and aggressively cleaning his glasses.
Relationship headcanons:
Partners: He’s in a QPR with Sig and Amitie, and secretly wants to leave Primp and travel the world with them both. Chosen family: He sees Feli as both a rival and a sister, and now has come to see Lemres as an older-sibling figure of sorts. Friend: He’s on good terms with Lidelle, and she’s one of the only people who’s younger than he is that he still treats with respect. Rivals(?): He thinks Raffina is pretty rude, and he never lets her go without remembering that he’s better friends with Amitie than she is for more than a month.
-
Sig – 15, autistic and has ADHD + transmasc demilad + biromantic (he/bug/they/it)
Assorted headcanons:
-Doesn’t consider any sort of bug to be his “favorite”, but has a soft spot for ladybeetles, stag beetles and fireflies. -After a failed attempt at acquiring Sig’s power, Aya accidentally gave Sig half of its own power, causing Sig to become slightly more than just a half-demon. -After he scratched himself one too many times, Amitie and Lidelle worked together to make a glove for Sig’s claw hand. -His main special interests are both bugs and history, and he usually stims by repeating words he likes.
Relationship headcanons:
Partners: He’s mostly queerplatonic, partially romantic partners with both Amitie and Klug. During the first half week of their relationship, he was the only one the two felt comfortable cuddling with, which he was completely fine with. Family: Although initially Sig and Aya were almost enemies, they managed to reach an agreement after being left alone together and now see each other as both family and friends. Friends: He’s pretty good friends with Lidelle, and he helps her with bug-related problems whenever she has any. He’s also pretty good friends with Raffina even if they don’t hang out much and he still has trouble with her name. Enemies: Schezo.
-
Raffina – 16, has (canonical) imposter syndrome + transfem + pansexual demiromantic (she/her)
Assorted headcanons:
-As her family is very upper middle class, she was able to medically transition almost immediately after coming out. -She once tried to start a Primp Town Fight Club. It did not go well. -She’s the only person aside from Amitie that has two parents that did not abandon her and are not divorced. Unlike Amitie, however, only her mother works, so she gets to talk to her father frequently.
Relationship headcanons:
Crush: She secretly wants to kiss Lidelle really badly. (Good) friends: Although she was slightly distanced from them during the whole fight ordeal, she’s quite good friends with all the ASK trio. She’s pretty friendly with Ess.
-
Lidelle – 14, has social anxiety + cis lass + questioning (she/her)
Assorted headcanons:
-She feels genuinely sorry for what she did and said to Sig and those bugs, and she’s proud of herself for apologizing. -She likes playing with marbles and has made pretty big marble “race” courses in the past. -She doubts her self-worth a lot, and is worried that others don’t take her very seriously.
Relationship headcanons:
Chosen family: Despite not having any surviving biological family, she’s found a family in the form of Draco and Satan, who have been taking care of her for some time now. Best friend: Lidelle hangs out with Raffina almost constantly, and she considers Raf to be her very best friend. Good friends.. again: After a very large fight with Sig over the fact that her flesh-eating plants killed some of his bugs, she and Sig stopped being friends for a bit. After a lot of talking with Amitie and Raffina, she realized her mistake, and she apologized to Sig – and to her surprise, Sig apologized back. Even during the fight, she and Amitie stayed friends, and Ami gave her a lot of emotional support. She looks up to Klug, although Klug sees her as an equal and even spares a warm smile for her during some of his most jerk-y moments.
-
Lemres – 35, autistic, has SAD and PTSD + transmasc and nonbinary + aroflux/aceflux (they/them, he/him and any candy-related neopronouns)
Assorted headcanons:
-They are actually entirely blind due to personal reasons, and sewed their eyes shut as to not freak others out too much. They “see” by feeling the magic of their environment, and cannot “see” in low-magic areas (they also cannot read faces. At all.) -They have a sort of “vacation house” near Primp which they visit during the summer or any free time they have. The fact that it was built so close to Primp was a coincidence, but something they like very much. -Schezo occasionally “visits” the vacation house for a few months before running off on some random adventure for whatever reason. -Their broom was broken, presumably by Witch as they had fought with her not too long before that. -Su has a certain type of magic that allows sucre to read minds (or at least meaning). -His type of magic does not work on demons for a plethora of reasons. -They usually stim by twirling their staff around and messing with what remains of their broom.
Relationship headcanons:
Partners: They’re in a weird sort-of relationship with Schezo. The relationship informally started after Schezo assisted Lemres during a restless period and it doesn’t seem to be stopping any time soon. (Chosen) family: Although they want to keep their distance from their biological family, they’ve found a new family in Primp in the form of the ASK trio (Good) friends: They’re very close to Accord, having know her since Highschool (and even before she made Poipoi).
-
Feli – 16 and a half, experiences delusions and has disorders + transfem + bisexual (she/her evi/evil go/goth)
Assorted headcanons:
-Rather compulsory heterosexuality with her. She doesn’t actually have that much love for Lemres, mainly just lust and a feeling that she has to date or marry him. -She personally believes sharing one’s birthday with someone else is a sign of extreme trust due to Zodiac reasons. -She feels like her gender is influenced by gothic aesthetics, but can’t really describe it further.
Relationship headcanons:
Crushes: She still very obviously has a crush on Lemres, although it’s starting to lessen now that Lemres is in a closed relationship. (Chosen) family: She sees Klug as an annoying little brother, although he’s marginally more mature than she is. (Good) friends: She’s pretty good friends with Lidelle and Raffina.
-
Accord/Poipoi – ???? + cis lass and agender respectively + god knows (she/her for accord, he/it for poipoi)
Assorted headcanons:
-Accord secretly really likes hitting things with her hammer to the point where she’d go quite far in order to get a chance to do so. However, she would never readily admit this as she finds it to be incredibly childish. -Only Accord knows what happened to Lemres’s eyes. -During Highschool, Accord enchanted a puppet and gave it its own thoughts, personality, dreams, etc. That puppet was quite obviously Poipoi.
Relationship headcanons:
(Good) friends: Accord is close friends with Lemres, having known him since Highschool (she was his upperclassman by a few years) and never passes up a chance to talk to him. Poipoi managed to make friends with Aya in a particularly independent moment where it ran away.
-
Ayashii – >800, has a lot of trauma + whats a gender + (it/any neos/they/he/she)
Assorted headcanons:
-It genuinely forgot what a gender was because gender is so unimportant to it. -It somehow found a way to continue being friends with the puppy it rescued, even going so far as to teaching them the difference between it and Klug. -As it has extreme claustrophobia, it tends to take very long walks whenever it’s using Klug’s body.
Relationship headcanons:
Crushes???: Aya has some interest in Lemres and Schezo, but isn’t entirely sure what kind of interest. (Chosen) family: It’s beginning to see Klug as a son of sorts, and recognizes Sig as its descendent. huh what: It doesn’t trust Accord at all, especially knowing (and being friends with) Poipoi as an individual.
-
Yu and Rei - ??? + phasmaeic + (both use she/he/they gho/ghost spec/spectre and dar/dark)
- - -
Relationship headcanons:
Puyo~7 characters:
Ringo – 16, ??? + questioning (demigirl?) + bisexual (she/they)
Assorted headcanons:
-She’s questioning pretty much every single thing about her identity and beliefs to the point where she’s actually been having frequent migraines because of it. -She’s not at all proud to admit it, but she’s not-so-secretly envious of Maguro’s “beauty beam”. -She eats a LOT of things that you’re not meant to eat, to the point where everyone except for Sig (who does the same) is worried for her.
Relationship headcanons:
Crushes: She has small crushes on both Amitie and Tee, although she likes Amitie a *bit* more. Epic friends: She’s best friends with Maguro, and he’s one of the few people she properly trusts (not for edgy reasons, just because). A lot of people assume she’s dating him, which makes her feel pretty uncomfortable, but she doesn’t feel like she can really blame them.
-
Maguro – 16, has ADHD and PTSD (latter from AU) + questioning + bisexual (he/they)
Assorted headcanons:
-He’s questioning the same stuff as Ringo, although he’s a lot more chill about it. -He was pretty scarred, emotionally and physically, after an unfortunate incident concerning a badly thought-out prank, a fishing net, and a timer set to one month -He remembers all of his trauma in perfect clarity, and has good memory overall.
Relationship headcanons:
Partner:He’s been in a romantic relationship with Tee for a few months, and so far it’s been really nice. Best friend: He’s best friends with Ringo, and he feels really comfortable around her. They share almost everything, and are planning on moving in together once they get the chance to have a proper house. Good friends: Although Ris moved away to study abroad a while back, they still send a lot of gifts and letters to him on a regular basis. Also, they’ve been staying in contact with Ess ever since the whole beauty pageant thing and the two go shopping when they’re both free.
-
Risukuma – 19, NT + trans man + male-leaning pansexual (he/him)
Assorted headcanons:
-He’s incredibly interested in all types of love -After graduating school, he decided to study abroad to learn more about other cultures (and of course, love). -He really likes music, even having written some of his own songs in the past. One of his favorite bands is IDKHOW.
Relationship headcanons:
Partner: Despite only having interacted a few times, he’s quite good “friends” with Ai. Good friends: After moving away from Suzuran, he’s not been able to hang out with Ringo or Maguro as much, but he still sends them letters and gifts on a regular basis. What: He does not want to know about Ecolo. Do not tell him about Ecolo.
-
Ecolo – ageless and has so many disorders (affectionate??) + gender + probably so (it/they/he/she/other in that order)
Assorted headcanons:
-If asked, it would describe its gender as “Once In A Lifetime” by Talking Heads. -It’s trying really really hard to respect Ringo’s boundaries nowadays, and not just because she refused to acknowledge its existence for a whole week after it accidentally hurt her. -It can change into its human form at will; however, if it wants to stay in that form for more than a few hours at a time, it has to actually sleep for several days straight. -In its humanoid form, it sports several scars. -It genuinely loves fidget spinners and has this really creepy one it carries everywhere.
Relationship headcanons:
Crush: You know it wants to kiss Ringo so bad. Friends: Ex-friends with Satan because Ringo hates him. Pretty alright friends with Ex and Marle, not entirely sure what to think about Squares. Uh…: After.. an accident it caused, Maguro started to be able to remember it.
Puyo~Tetris characters:
Tee – 16, + trans man + questioning (he/him)
Assorted headcanons:
-He can’t pronounce any name longer than four letters long. Somehow, the worst case of this is with Ringo and Maguro’s names. -Having transitioned at a very young age and only interacting with one lass for most of his life, he has a lot of internalized sexism. After Ringo points this out, he starts trying to work on it, but he hasn’t been doing very well so far. -He’s also trying really hard to find a balance between being too basic and too over-the-top, but..
Relationship headcanons:
Partner: He’s been in a romantic relationship with Maguro for a few months. It’s been really nice, but as this is his first relationship he tends to go all-out with everything, causing Maguro to get rather flustered. Crush: Although he’s very hesitant to admit it, he has a pretty big crush on Ringo and wants to kiss her. Chosen family: O is his parent, Ess and Ai are his siblings, and the twins are his messed up if true gay cousins. Friend: He’s pretty good friends with Sig because of their shared inability to correctly pronounce Raffina’s name.
-
O – infinite, ??? + ???? + probably gay? ????? (any and all pronouns)
Assorted headcanons:
-I cannot reasonably take myself seriously trying to make headcanons for this godforsaken cloud cube -Squares themself made this thing (on accident?) -Anger management issues incarnate
Relationship headcanons:
Parnter: Kissed Carbuncle once eChidle: Tee is its son
-
Ex – ~40, has autism, minor intrusive thoughts and (canon) depression + some form of Guy + yes (he/they)
Assorted headcanons:
-He’s not sure how he identifies gender- and sexuality-wise and feels as if he’s too old to try to figure that out (which isn’t true, but still) -He genuinely misses Ess and Ai a lot and is unendingly grateful for the chance to see them both again. -His intrusive thoughts are usually fairly easy to deal with, but can sometimes get pretty bad if he’s left alone for too long.
Relationship headcanons:
Partners: I’m pretty sure he has an ex-wife somewhere and that scares me. Also he kisses Satan every day of his life (Chosen) family: He misses his children, Ess and Ai, so much. (Good) friends: He’s become reluctant friends with Ecolo, and very good friends with Marle and Squares.
-
Jay & Elle – 13, autistic and have separation anxiety + nonbinary + ??? (they/them)
Assorted headcanons:
-Individually they’re okay with all pronouns, but nobody can reasonably refer to them as separate entities. -After a few people asked them, they stopped bullying Ai as much, but they still “prank” him a lot. -They were separated exactly once. It was not a very good time for them.
Relationship headcanons:
Partners:They’re queerplatonic partners with Yu and Rei, since that’s just kind of what happens when you’re two sets of evil twins who like bothering others. Friends: They don’t really have many friends as their creepiness scares people off a lot, but they like hanging out with Ecolo (even if they forget about it a lot)
-
Ai – 20, has pretty severe anxiety + transmasc + bisexual (he/him)
Assorted headcanons:
-He found out that he was trans after he managed to get a sort of wi-fi thing going during a five-month-long stay in a densely-packed asteroid belt. He had actually medically transitioned before that, but nobody on the SS Tetra had the word for it. -He has exactly one large scar from a prank gone horribly wrong. Otherwise, he’s not been seriously injured by anything the twins have done. - Recently he’s started to become slightly braver in general thanks to a lot of therapy and emotional support from his boyfriend, this has allowed him to stand up to the twins a lot more. He is also more physically strong, and plans to drop kick them both someday.
Relationship headcanons:
Partner: He kisses Risukuma on the daily Chosen family: As he canonically sees Ex as a father, he headcanonically sees Ess as a sister. Pure hatred(/j): He’s no longer as afraid of the tetra twins, and sometimes even manages to prank them back on good days.
-
Ess – ~15, only ex knows. Has serious abandonment issues, apparently canon(?!?!) PTSD, and so many things + cis demilass + lesbiab (she/they/ze)
Assorted headcanons:
-She actually has a job, and on the last weekend of every month she goes shopping with Maguro (or Amitie if he’s busy) on Saturday and Raffina on Sunday with the money she gets. -She kinda wishes that she were more physically strong for a multitude of minor reasons. -Ess doesn’t actually know how to say Ringo’s name and tries really hard to hide that fact.
Relationship headcanons:
Crushes:She’s absolutely in love with Amitie, although she’s in very deep denial about it. Chosen family: She sees Ai as a brother, and the two bond over the fact that Ex totally ditched them to go patch up dimensions or whatever. Speaking of Ex, she’s very recently found it in her heart to maybe forgive him for leaving her when she was young, although she still is a long ways away from seeing him as a father again. Friends: She and Raffina hang out and talk about their insecurities a lot.
-
Zed – uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (he/him)
Assorted headcanons:
-uhhhhhhhhhh -I genuinely don’t think of this guy He reminds me too much of my ex-chosen-father -…to be added.
Relationship headcanons:
Ess is his belovt daughter that’s all you need to know.
Additional headcanons:
-Most of the Madou Monogatari gang feel entirely disconnected from what’s left of their humanity, so they identify with it/its along with whichever other pronouns they use. -Sig, Dark Sig, and the evil Sig from Sig’s Secret are all different entities. -Speaking of Dark Sig, they can actually purr, although Sig himself cannot. Klug thinks this is incredibly interesting and actually conducted several half-serious experiments to try to figure out why. -All of the SS Tetra crew see each other as family, although some have more clearly defined views of that. None of them have any romantic or sexual interest in any other member.
20 notes · View notes
betweentheracks · 4 years
Note
Heyo! Not to be too nosy here but you mentioned you're in bad health and recovering, and I just wondered what happened? Also how would it impact your career since, from how you've made it all seem thus far, it's a highly active and demanding job?
Hope you take care and get well! You appear quite strong and not like you'd take whatever has happened just lying down, so here's to you!! 🙏💓
No sweat and no worries here, I dont find this particularly invasive. If anything, I'm flattered you care to ask after me lol. 😁
A few weeks back I met a friend I hadn't seen in some time for lunch. This was against my better sense of caution that I've held firmly to throughout the pandemic, but I would feel regretful and dismissive if I didnt agree to see her while I had the chance. I should've listened my gut and stayed safely at work because this "friend" failed to mention she had tested positive (she knew already by the time of our lunch date, she has since admitted) and had figured since she had no symptoms there was no harm in being in public.
FF only a few days later and I was feeling a little unwell but had put it off as an effect of the winter blast that had just hit where I live. I'd spent half a day out in the cold and snow for a photoshoot only the day before and thought it was probably due to that since I'm susceptible to weather influenced head colds and bronchitis. Fortunately, my job mandates a rigid COVID-19 screening twice a week due to our high profile clientele and as an assurance of health and safety for us all. Mine read back with a positive and with the way I had been feeling I was immediately sent home and the company closed its doors while the building was sterilized and our clients notified.
Thankfully I managed not to infect anyone I work with nor my son. Regrettably, I did infect my best friend since we're horrifically incapable of maintaining personal space and have weak shit immune systems. We both agree it is a wonder we made it this far into plague times without it catching us.
So I went and got looked over and sent on my way with my prescription of potent anti-virals and steroids. I was well prepared to abide the quarantine guidelines and had sent my son to my mother's home for the duration so that he was out of the danger zone. It was fine, I was kinda cool and keen on getting a few days to myself to rest up and all that jazz. But it wasn't meant to last and I found trouble in the form of being unable to remain conscious much at all and would pass out constantly. After a few times of this I gave my brother (he's a doctor and vaccinated) a ring and told him that my fatigue was no joke dude and needed him to come give me a better once over than the one I'd gotten before bc I was sure I was not meant to feel this badly. He found me unconscious in the shower that night, my head battered from crashing to the basin.
After ensuring I wasn't concussed and jokes on what a hard head I have to take such a beating and show no signs of registering it beyond bruising (a joke between us due to him having once accidentally put a golf club into my forehead and fracturing my skull but that's a different story) he told me to call him regularly so that he can review how I feel and the progression of my symptoms and left. By the morning I had already had two more instances of sudden fatigue and collapsing in on myself. I had been posting on my main blog here about how I was doing and due to this I caught the concern of @peekbackstage and upon their suggestion to have my O2 levels tested it was revealed that I was having issues with my blood not circulating oxygen as it should and nearing hypoxia.
Here's the rub. I have a heart condition that is already very dangerous and bleak which limits my heart's capability of delivering blood through my body as it should. Cardiomyopathy or, as it seems better known, congestive heart failure. I've had surgery for it and it has been a while since it caused me any real issues as long as I stick to my routine of care and manage my health, but when COVID-19 infiltrated my body it immediately snagged upon this weak heart of mine and sank its fangs in.
Within a day of being admitted to the hospital I had a grand mal seizure due to the constant fluctuations of oxygen in my blood and the way my body was working double time to supplement for it. And only 2 days after that and when my nervous system had finally quieted down, I went into full cardiac arrest with a heart attack at my young age.
My next weeks were spent connected to machines doing more for me than my own body could. I developed pneumonia in my lungs, acute though it was it was still another complication that my wrecked body had to overcome as it made my already ragged breathing even worse. I was steadily shedding muscle tone and definition due to a lack of mobility and the fact that my body felt like a deadweight I could hardly take command of, and generally very weakened. My heart, the horrible thing, was inflamed and trying too hard by beating too fast, too hard.
FF some more and I was doing fairly well and treatments were showing some improvement. My heart was still being an ugly and gnarled beast in my chest and throwing weird spikes on the monitor that raised alarms. The pneumonia was retreating and I had no further seizures. It was the dawning light of my first signs that I was recovering!
It took a while more and so fucking many tests day in and day out for me get cleared for release. I tested negative for COVID-19 and was ashamed that I actually forgot that that was why I was even in the hospital to begin with, given all that happened. I have to undergo physical therapy and counseling; PT for heart happy exercises as well as to manage to my depleted muscles, counseling bc I was rocked mentally from all the almost dying and the depressive haze of being holed up in the hospital and surrounded by people who, like me, came in with COVID-19 but unlike me did not come out of it.
I'm home now. I had to have a pacemaker implanted and must stay vigilant for any showing that my heart is not performing as it should. I still have some severe inflammation and chest restriction in my airways as well as my blood vessels but nothing too daunting. I also have a full battalion of prescriptions, most for my heart, and a nebulizer to ease any breathing issues. The worst is honestly that I still am very weak and have severely limited reserves of energy.
My job is required to make me take 12 weeks of leave for rest and recuperation. This is very upsetting since I had been requested by name to be an assistant stylist at the Grammys this year which is truly a dream (especially with BTS in the mix 😩😩) and also bc I'm just a workaholic by nature and love my job. When I return I am expected to learn how to properly delegate tasks that do not directly require me to handle and slow down the pacing of my projects. My boss terminated a contract with a client that was nearing the scheduled end of our agreement and was also incredibly problematic to help lighten my workload. It's imperative that I reign in my stress levels or my heart will not last until the next surgery I'll need, so I'm gritting my teeth and letting my job be picked apart to reduce my responsibilities.
My post awaits my return but I will not be returning to full activity for a while after, which means no rifling through the racks for hours alongside the archivists in search of the perfect piece. I'll be welcome to meet with my clients and oversee the glam teams, will still be the command tower for final verdicts on which styles to use. But I will not be running around showrooms nor personally handling matters any competent trainee could be tasked with like I've always done. I will no longer be able to fly out anywhere for destination shoots or fashion shows.
If, after my next surgery, things are better and my heart stable to the point that they are hopeful of things will be reevaluated. While it is difficult beyond measure for me to relinquish the reigns of my career and be restricted in what I can do now, I am very thankful to be alive and upright when that wasn't a certainty just a little while ago. This is such a humbling experience to have survived when my stats kept dropping every day. I've been told to expect that I will never make a full 100% recovery and to expect to stall out around the 70%-90% range, with 70% being the most realistic.
My best friend (the one I gave the plague to) will be moving in with me so that I am never on my own if things go tits up and to assist in wrangling a toddler since I am currently without the energy to do so as my child is, sincerely, a crazy gremlin spawn with limitless battery life. Slowly, my life will regain some normalcy 💖
30 notes · View notes
shotosimp1 · 4 years
Text
naps
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
sugawara x GN!reader.
Authors note: helloooo this is my first ever fic so if I did something wrong or its low key cringe don't hate me lmaoo so this fic is basically that you're daichis sibling and you and sugawara are like close friends who love taking naps togather I don't want to spoil anything so I'm going to stop here. ⚠️Important note⚠️: when suga is talking the text colour is purple. And when you're talking its blue :D genre: fluff. warnings: nothing but if there is dont be afraid to tell me! Here is this playlist i made for this fic i hope you like it! :D
Tumblr media
being daichi's sibling came with its pros and cons. I cant lie to you he is a good brother but that doesnt mean he isnt protective of you. And no, no boyfriends. But the best thing about being daichis sibling is that you would get to spend time with the one and only crush of yours sugawara koushi. Everything about him just made you happy. He is so caring and sweet you just couldn't halp yourself from falling for him. And because sugawara and daichi met in middle school they were very close. And with that he came over to hang out like at least once a week. You didn't mind as long as daichi let you be around for a bit you just wanted to be around cutie
And with that you and him would chat every now and then Just getting to know each other more. Both of you would talk about your hobbies and interests and life etc. You just found him so interesting you just kept wanting to be around him more and more. And daichi as the good brother he is will try to leave you two alone for a couple of minutes to have a good conversation together and would excuse himself with "oh im going to the bathroom" or " um im going to get a snack" and it works too!!
Finals were close and the boys, daichi suga and asahi came over to study it was their second year and you were a first year student. Suga would help you study and help you understand the things you couldn't and all that jazz. You felt kinda flustered whenever he says "good job!!" And gives that warm smile of his. It was around 1:12 pm and all of you were too focused on your work and didn't remember lunch....Yeah I know unbelievable. "Mmmm god I'm so hungry" "shoot we didn't eat lunch" daichi said looking at the clock "its 2 something pm there is still time for that just go order _______ or something" -"ahh your probably right" asahi said "okay okay should we all go get _______ i mean we should get our mussels movi-" "im not going anywhere im tired" "okay fine what about you asahi?" -daichi- "sure" "and what about you ____?" -asahi- "nahh I would rather stay sorry.." "eh its okay we'll get going yeah?" -daichi- " yeah let's go" -asahi- and boom you two are alone.
"You look kinda sleepy" he said as he chuckled for about. 10 minutes both of you were kinda silent he was laying on his tummy on the sofa while you sat on the floor near the desk you were studying on. "Kinda actually" "oh? Well mabye you should take a nap" "sure.. but uh you look sleepy too" "hm? Oh yeah i am " you both laughed a bit. "Wanna sleep in my room? It would be more comfortable there?" " well what about you?" "My bed is big i will be just finee" seconds after you said that he starts..to grin? "Ooou you wanna sleep with me that bad?" "You're honestly making me regret my choices." "Hey!" "You can sleep on the sofa bye bye!" You said as your going to your room and him of course following you.
"Cute room kinda messy tho" he laughed " can you leave me and my "messy" room alone" "fine fine" he said chuckling. Both of you layed on the bed and him falling asleep almost instantly from how tired he was. It was peaceful sleeping next to him. I mean yes you were blushing at the thought of him being so close to you but it still felt so peaceful and nice. You turned around to face him. It sounds like too much but he looked like an angle. You stared at his features for quit a while.. he's just so nice to look at. "Can't sleep?" "what the hell!? You scared the living shit out of me!" He laughed. He asked you again "can you not sleep?" " yeah actually" you said still mad at him for scaring you like that. He asked if he can come closer and you said yes. He but a hand on the back of your head and gently guiding it to his chest. And with that your head is on your crushes chest. You tried your best to not show how surprised and flustered you were. "Do you feel comfortable? Can i put my hand on your back? it would feel even better" "s-sure I don't mind" he started to rub soothing circles on your back. Seconds after that you fell asleep..in his mf arms ahh.
"Sorry we took so long the line there was kinda long" No response. Both asahi and daichi left the house for about an hour. They looked around the living room to see that no one was there. "Hm that's wierd" -asahi- daichi agreed as he went to check your room to see if your there. "Oh.my.god." asahi heard him and went to see what's up. "Wait aww that's kinda cute" "what! No its not!" Asahi laughed at how angry he was from just seeing his best friend cuddling his younger sibling. "Hey..hey! HEY!!" "Hmm what what do you want cant you see were sleeping here ugh" " yeah i CAN see and get your filthy-" " why are you so mad? Its not like I did something to them I was just helping them sleep" " I mean he has a point..plus I'm sure its just a nap" -asahi- "ugh fine...CAN YOU ATLEAST MOVE YOUR HAND OH MY GOD" "Why are you yelling...?" You said as you got woken up from your brothers yelling "its nothing..get up its time to eat" daichi said as he went downstairs to eat. Asahi mouthed a 'sorry' to both of you and went to fallow him. "Did you sleep well? I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable or anything.." "No no!! It.. it was nice thank you" "great!! Let's go downstairs now im starving..." you both laughed as you went downstairs to eat.
From that day whenever the both of you found the chance to nap together you would do it. Suga tired from practice? nap time! Stressed? Nap time! Sad? Nap time! It's like both of you were nap buddies and you loved it. Daichi couldn't really do anything at this point. Don't get me wrong he was SO happy when you actually found someone to hang out with and actually be comfortable around. But he just didn't like the fact that the both of you were so touchy its like you guys were dating. But you always denied him saying "no no he's just a close friend nothing else!!!!" Until...
It was a Saturday night you and suga were in your room watching a barbie film. It was a chill night both of you got snacks and watched the movie in peace. sugawara kept giving you these side eye glances every now and then you noticed them but didn't say anything. It was the last 20 minutes of the movie and he did it again but this time it was a side glance his eyes were fully on you. "What?" He giggled and said nothing. You were confused a bit so you paused the movie and looked at him. "Is there something on my face?" "No..you just look pretty" he smiled. Both of you were eye to eye and very close. His eyes would go from your eyes to your lips as he came even closer. He gently took your hand in his as he said "can i kiss you?" You were in shock your heart was beating as you nodded. It was gentle and sweet you swore you could right a whole essay about how that kiss was the best thing you have ever experienced. "AHM AHM!!!" Both of you pulled away almost instantly as you saw daichi standing in your bedrooms doorstep "listen- its not what it looks like okay??" "Uhuh..koushi have you been dating my sibling behind my back?" "WHAT? no!! I swear-" "come downstairs cuz we have some stuff to discuss here"
You sat there confused but genuinely so happy 'I kissed him..' 'holy shit i actually kissed him!!' your mind was running with thoughts 'wait what if we start dating?' 'Oh my god!!!!' 'Wait what did daichi mean when he said "discuss some things"??' "Hey im back..." he smiled nervously at you "oh hi!" He smiled as he sat down on the bad next to you "um suga" "yes?" "what did my brother 'discuss' with you downstairs?" "You know "don't hurt their feelings!!" And "don't even think about cheating on them!" And he may or may not threatened to kill me if I did" you giggled "all that because of a kiss? Its not like were dating" " ..Well what would you do if I asked you to be my partner right now hm?" "Uhhh!!??!!? I- I dont know mabye say yes or something" he laughed "well then do you want to be my lovey dovey partner?" You giggled a bit as you nodded "tsk, man i kinda wanted to hear you say "yes please please i do!!" Oh well.." "really suga.."
Tumblr media Tumblr media
I hope you guys liked it ♡ again this is my first time ever writing fics so I hope its not that bad
26 notes · View notes
brelione · 4 years
Text
Friends (Kelce X Reader)
Tumblr media
12 and 52 for Kelce? A fellow Kelce hoe!!!We love to see it 😊
You and Kelce had always been pretty close.He had met you at the bookstore.You worked as a cashier.You didnt need to work,of course,you came from a rich family but it made you feel happy and gave you something to do on otherwise boring days.He had come in with Topper the August before freshman year,hunting for the summer reading books that they most definitely didnt want to read.Kelce had been practically drooling over you since the pair walked in,glancing to your nametag and smiling to himself.
Topper kept smacking his arm,urging him to talk to you.That day he had got your phone number,texting you to ask you about yourself.Neither of you knew what that day at the bookstore would lead up to.Mindless flirting lead to deep conversations,complains about school and home life.He’d ask to hang out,going to the gas station to buy shitty snacks and sit on the beach,drinking iced coffee and mocking the seagulls.
He had intended to make you his girl but ended up finding something else within you,a best friend.You had always wanted a best friend like him,one that would let you hug him as much as you wanted,steal his t shirts and complain about period pains.He’d facetime you every night while he played video games to ask you about your day and would stay on the phone with you until you fell asleep if you were anxious.
You two sat in your backyard,rolling a half inflated beach ball back and forth. “I dont even know,Kel.It’s like they dont care about me and I dont even know what to do anymore.It not like they’re ever around,they just leave me here.”You complained.He nodded,not bothering to roll the ball back to you.Instead he leaned forward,knocking you backwards and wrapping his arms around your waist,his head on your stomach.
 “I can sleepover whenever you want,you know.”He sighed.You nodded,your hand falling onto his chest,letting him take it. “You wanna get slushies?”He asked.You grinned,sitting up and pushing the boy off you. “always.”You answered,running inside to get your keys before the two of you got in the car. “Its so hot in here.”He grumbled,turning on the air conditioning. “Uh,yeah,cause youre in here.”You grinned,backing out of the driveway. “Hey,theres a boneyard happening later tonight.You wanna go?”He asked.
You shook your head,turning around a corner and pulling into the Cumberland Farms parking lot. “You know I dont like parties.”You sighed,unbuckling your seatbelt and getting out of the car. “You never go to parties,it could be fun.”He frowned.You shrugged,grabbing a plastic cup and filling it with cotton candy slushie.  “How do you drink that?Its like way to sweet.”He spoke in disgust as he filled his cup with cola slushied.
You rolled your eyes,pressing a lid on and grabbing yourself a straw. “You dont need to degrade it because its not your type,Kelce.This is why slushies have self confidence issues.”You huffed,taking a sip of the cold blue drink. He chuckled,pulling the hood of your jacket,kissing the top of your head.You two sat in the Cumberland Farms parking lot for a while,stabbing the ice chunks with the end of your straw as he tried to convince you to attend the party. 
“You and Topper and Rafe will start trouble,I dont wanna be there when the cops show up.”You sighed quietly,sipping your slushie.He leaned his elbow on the armrest,letting his head rest on his palm. “If I promise to be good for the night will you go?”He asked.You huffed,turning down your radio and turning to look at him. “When have you ever behaved?Ever?”You asked.He pouted. “I’ll behave for you.”He answered.You ignored him,backing out of the parking lot and beginning your drive home. 
“Why wont you go to just one party?”He asked,seeming annoyed. “Because im not getting involved in all that shit.You act like Rafe’s not a fucking drug addict,im not gonna get peer pressured into snorting coke.”You shot him a glare.He grumbled something,looking out the window. “Fine,you dont have to go.”He finally answered.
“Where’s (Y/N)?”Topper asked.Kelce sighed,closing the car door. “She’s not coming,too stressed about drugs and shit.”He answered.Rafe rolled his eyes,driving quickly to The Cut. “Of course she is.I dont get why you cant just drop her already.”Rafe sighed,the car shaking from the bumps and potholes. “He cant drop her because he’s in love with her,hes just too ignorant to admit it.”Topper chuckled,scrolling through his phone.Rafe raised his eyebrows,looking over to Kelce in the backseat. “Is that true?”He asked.Kelce simply shrugged,not even trying to fight the statement.
It wasnt until one in the morning that Kelce realized how much he regretted coming to this party.He had stayed isolated,thinking about how much more fun he would be having if he had slept over your house to bake shitty cake from boxed mix and watch The Office.Topper had completely disappeared somewhere in the crowd and he hadnt even bothered keeping an eye on Rafe.He took his phone from his pocket,texting you to ask what you were doing and how you were.
He almost wanted to cry,realizing just how difficult it was to be somewhere without you.He walked further down the beach to a spot where he could call you without the music interfering. “What’s up?”You asked,sounding tired.He huffed,looking out to the ocean. “Can you pick me up?”He asked.
It only took you ten minutes to get there,parked outside an abandoned house.Kelce had followed the location that you sent him,getting into your air conditioned car. “What happened?”You asked,driving down the rough pavement.He shrugged,leaning back in his seat. “I realized that I wasn't in a party mood.”He answered.You didn't ask any further questions.He must've dozed off because when he woke up again you had opened the car door for him,unbuckling his seatbelt and telling him that you were back at the house.
He followed you tiredly,throwing himself onto your couch. “Did you eat?”You asked.Now that he could see you properly,the bright light of your kitchen hitting you he could see that you were wearing a zip up hoodie that was a bit to big for you.It was over a tube top and sweatpants,meaning that you had got up straight from your nap to go get him. “Is that mine?”He asked,pointing to the hoodie.
 “Its mine now,bitch.”You answered,going to grab a box of oreos.You sat down next to him,handing him the box. “So quick question.”He peeled back the plastic,twisting off one of the chocolate cookies. “shoot.”You replied,turning on your tv. “So like...hypothetically what would your reaction be if I told you that I see you as more than a friend?”He asked.You stayed quiet for a second,eyes glued to the television. “What?”You asked.He sighed,his heart beating and his knees feeling weak even though he was sitting.
 “Friends….Friends don't look at each other the way we do.”He answered,watching your facial expressions.You bit down on your tongue,placing the remote on your leg. “Are you serious right now?”You asked.He nodded,still staring at you.You bit down on your lip,looking down at the couch cushion before looking back up at him. “Are you fucking with me?”You asked.He shook his head. 
“You think I asked for your number at the bookstore because I wanted to be friends?No.I asked because I liked the way your face lit up when you were watching vine compilations on your phone and I wanted to watch them with you.I asked for you number because I thought-because I knew that you were different.”He looked right into your eyes,waiting for your reaction. “So this whole time….”You trailed off,watching him nod.
 “Things wouldve been so much easier if you said this last year,dude.”You giggled,shaking your head as you split an oreo in half.His eyebrows raised,trying to figure out what you meant. “What?”He asked.You grinned,eating half of the oreo. “Im just saying that you’re clueless as fuck.Ooh we should watch Clueless,thats such an iconic movie.But yeah,no i’ve liked you for a while now you just suck at taking hints.”You smiled at his confused expression,leaning into his chest.
@outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey
If you’d like to be tagged in all future JJ imagines/headcannons/series comment with a heart,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Pope imagines/headcannons/series comment with a smiling face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Rafe imagines/headcannons/series comment with a frowning face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Kiara imagines/headcannons/series comment with a question mark and if you’d like to be tagged in all future Sarah Cameron imagines/headcannons/series comment with a plus sign.If you’d like to be tagged in all Kelce content coment with a “>” and if youd like to be tagged in all Topper content comment with a “%”.Or if thats too complicated you can just comment whose name you’d like to be tagged in.
81 notes · View notes
guardianofjunmyeon · 4 years
Text
Finding Atlantis (part 7)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Enemies to Lovers, PirateAU
Description:   20 years ago the seas became angry. Unruly and unkind to any sailor, to  any ship that dared venture too far out in her waters. Many a man has  heard the tales of Atlantis, the lost city, the key the ocean. But  fewer  men know the tale of it’s missing child. The key to the ocean, the key  to Atlantis but a lost little one. The power one would hold should they  find this child would be nearly that of Poseidon himself. Thus, the hunt  began.    
A/N: Sorry it took so long for an update but i was kind of pissed off at baekhyun and exo for their lack of BLM support but whatever now. I’ve received you guys’ messages and asks and I keep meaning to respond to things but i really dont get on tumblr all that often. I really love and appreciate you all though so here’s a pretty...cute chap
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18
Tumblr media
Darkness. Suffocation. Cold. Not breathing. He’s not breathing. He’s not breathing.
You’re not breathing.
You sit up with a start. “Baekhyun!” You gasp for air. Your chest heaves as you frantically try to breathe. The image of Baekhyun’s unmoving body begins to fade from your memory like a dream you can’t fully recall. Darkness makes way for the brightness that you are beginning to realize surrounds you. You don’t feel seasick; your body is still.
Panting, you look around.
A beach. Your heartbeat slows down when you realize that you’re sitting on a beach, alive. Alive and safe and the boat is pulled ashore.
But you can’t find Baekhyun. Panic rises again.
“You’re awake.” You hear from behind you.
You whip around, and there he is. Baekhyun stands on both of his feet, shirtless with an armful of wood.
And both of his god damn eyes.
Pain unexpectedly shoots up your middle. You groan loudly and lower yourself back down on your back. It doesn’t feel as intense like this. “Fuck,” you hiss in agony.
“You fractured your rib,” Baekhyun says, now at your side. You look at him through squinted eyelids. “It’s not broken, and it’ll heal on its own. You’ve just got to take it easy for a while,” he instructs you softly. You catch a glimpse of concern in his eyes.
His fucking two eyes.
“You’ve got more than one eye…” you croak dumbly. With each inhale of breath the pain begins to subside.
He blinks and the concern that you think you saw vanishes. “Yeah, and you’ve got fractured bones. Now we’ve both stated the obvious.”
He stands up and walks off while you struggle to sit up without experiencing more shooting pains. It doesn’t work out well; any move to raise your body sends another painful jolt through your body. From experience, you can tell that it’s your lower left rib that’s injured. That’s where you experience the most pain. Breathing doesn’t hurt; you chalk it up to luck that you didn’t puncture a lung in the process. In…all of that.
Your throat begins to close up at the memory. The rain. The waves. The cold.
He’s not breathing.
A decently sized canteen drops into your lap. You jump in your spot. “You’re dehydrated,” is all Baekhyun says before he walks off again.
You follow his retreating figure with your eyes. “Thanks,” you rasp to yourself.
Surprising yourself, you’re glad to see that he’s fine. That he’s alive despite the years you’ve spent wishing him dead.
It takes a bit of time, and a lot of moaning and hissing, to open the canteen. You nearly cry when you’re finally able to feel the water sliding down your throat. You drink it greedily.
What if this is all the water you’ve got?
You stop and pull the lip of it away from your mouth. You drank half of it in just 3 seconds.
“You can finish it,” you hear Baekhyun say from where he’s crouched by the wood. “There’s more on the island, we won’t go thirsty for a while.”
Without further hesitation you drain the rest. You’re still thirsty, but at least now you can talk, and maybe even stand without passing out. Like a baby learning to walk on its own, you slowly lift your body off the ground and on to your knees.
Baekhyun watches you closely, but does nothing to help. Once you’ve caught your breath again and are comfortably sitting on your knees, he stands up. He pulls on his shirt and then starts in the direction of the tree line. He pauses, turns to you and jerks his head towards the trees. A silent beckoning.
With a breath to prep you for the pain, you force yourself on your legs.
After only a few seconds of dizziness, your visions clears and you take careful steps in his direction.
Baekhyun waits until you’re only a step behind him to start walking forward again. There seems to be a clear path to wherever he’s leading you. You’re thankful that you don’t have to duck and dodge branches with your fractured rib.
Actually, the more you think about it, the path is suspiciously cleared of obstructions. You frown and look around. It’s clear as day that branches have been broken off recently. Maybe Baekhyun was going to use it for the fire?
You squint at the ground and see broken pieces of tree along the ground. So, not firewood. Path wood?
Why would he need to do that when he can just push them out of the way? The ground is flat even without the branches he’d torn down. It seems kind of unnecessary.
Your foot catches on a divot in the ground and your body stumbles half a step too far just fast enough to cause a pain to shoot up your side. You bite back a pathetic whine and notice belatedly that Baekhyun is hovering right at your side anxiously. Your eyes water instinctively at the smarting in your torso.
You let out a shaky breath and straighten up. “Fuck.”
He frowns.
“We’re almost there.” A beat of silence. And then, “Watch your step dumbass.”
Your rib prevents you from fighting back. You don’t think you would really want to even if you could. You trod behind him dutifully. The forest is full with the sounds of life, but the conversation between the two of you is dead. Painfully so.
“How long have you been awake?” you ask to fill the silence.
“A few hours. I looked around the island while you were unconscious.”
You hum. You wonder whether the boat washed up on its own or if he rowed here in your sleep.
To your surprise he continues on. “It’s an old prison island from the looks of it. I came across the jail and a bunker when I was gathering firewood.”
“Were there people in the prison?”
“Not living ones.”
“Gross.”
Silence.
“Thanks…by the way,” he says gently. Oh? Is that…a thank you you’ve heard?
“What was that?” you goad.
“Don’t make me say it again…”
“Do you mean for saving your life? Are you thanking me for that? For being a heroic, brave, sexy, strong-”
“I should have thrown your body into the ocean when I woke up.”
You laugh softy, carefully. If you breathe too hard then your rib smarts again.
“How’s your rib doing?” he asks.
“Hurts.”
“Okay smartass-”
“I’m serious!”
A beat.
“How are your stitches?” you ask.
“Hurts.”
“Listen here-”
He laughs. A full one. A bright one.
You shuffle behind holding back a smile. A building comes into view after a few minutes of walking. He was right; it’s obviously an old prison if the dreariness of it is anything to go by. It’s a small one. You follow him through broken doors, barely hanging onto their last hinge.
It reeks of death.
A chill runs down your spine.
Avoiding the actual prison cells, the two of you walk right to the guard room. Light streams through the window and you can see that the place was left in a hurry. There is still a lot of junk strewn around. It smells of moldy water. Maybe the place was hit by a hurricane.
You walk over to the desk and pull out a drawer. Matches, pens, an old pipe. You pocket the matches and check each drawer for anything of use while Baekhyun does the same across the room.
Most of the things you come across are entirely worthless, but you do find a fully loaded gun and a dusty flare.
The finds remind you that you didn’t grab anything when you jumped off the ship. Reckless. Thoughtless. But the realization that you don’t regret it is humbling.
Quickly you pat your body to see if you happened to bring anything of use. Your smallest blade sits reliably on your hip, and your gun still happens to be in its holster.
The compass.
You unhook it from your hip and stare at it in disappointment. Useless.
The sound of glass crashing across the room alarms you.
Baekhyun stands next to the shattered object with startled eyes and a wince frozen on his face. “Can you be quiet?” you whisper harshly.
He relaxes and rolls his eyes. “There’s no one alive here,” he reminds. “It’s not like we’re going to get in trouble.” His voice is as low as yours.
“Then why are you whispering?”
“Because you’re whispering!” He whispers back in frustration.
You cock an eyebrow.
“Shut up,” he says at normal volume. He steps over the glass with his hands on his hips and his lips jut out in a disappointed pout.
Clearly there’s nothing else of value in here.
“Do you know where the kitchen is?” you ask quietly.
“Yeah, come on.”
You travel through the halls wordlessly. The dripping of water punctuates every other second that passes. Your boots slosh through puddles of dirty water.
The silence of the jail feels more oppressive than anything else you’ve ever felt in life. It puts you on edge. You won’t say it scares you. Not when you’ve faced death itself countless times in your life. But if a fucking dead body comes back to life to eat your heart, you will not be responsible for your actions.
You are not beyond tripping Baekhyun so that you can get away.
In the kitchen, you split up to look for anything that can be salvaged. There are cans of food, packages of dried meats and fruits. The food left in the broken fridge is rancid, and rats crawl around on the floor. You would probably be better off just hunting and fishing on your own.
The floor creaks awkwardly under your foot as you close a cabinet with metal serving dishes; you look down. There’s a catch in the floor.
A door.
“Hey,” you hiss. You motion to your side when Baekhyun looks up from snacking on a bag of dried bananas. “Can you lift this up for me?” you ask.
He pads over and looks down in confusion at the spot near your foot. His jaw freezes in the middle of chewing as interest spreads across his face.
When he reaches down, the door squeaks open with a severity that hurts your ears. It’s pitch black below.
You dig the matches out of your pocket and lower yourself carefully, closer to the entrance. You strike a match and it dimly illuminates a bit of the space. An oil lamp hangs not far from the top.
Once lit, the lamp brightens up the hidden room.
A ladder.
Despite the burning in your torso you begin to lower yourself down farther.
An hand lands on your shoulder to stop you. “What are you doing?” Baekhyun whispers.
“I’m investigating. There’s no one here remember?” you mock. You shrug off his hand and scale down the short ladder. Another lamp awaits at the bottom. You strike another match and the full room comes into view.
You smile. “It’s a liquor storage.”
“What?”
“It’s a liquor storage,” you whisper a bit louder.
“What?!” he calls louder.
You inhale angrily. “IT’S A-”
“I heard you the first time. Quiet down,” he laughs from above. You hear him jump down into the small space. He looks around appreciatively.
“Party on the beach. Better than dying stranded and sober I guess.”
Baekhyun grabs a few bottles and places them outside of the little room. You attempt to grab a bottle of bourbon that’s caught your eye a bit above your head.
You’ll have to stretch for it.
Bracing yourself for pain, you suck air through your teeth. But before you can lift your hand above your head, a warm body is pressed against your back and the bottle is pulled from your vision. You blink dumbly and once the solidness of his chest vanishes from your back, you turn to face him.
“What part of ‘take it easy’ don’t you understand?” Baekhyun scolds you, the bottle of bourbon you were going to grab cradled in his arm. He exhales in exasperation. “I’ll carry this stuff back. Just…stop doing shit that will hurt your fracture.”
“Aw Baekhyun are you worried about m-”
“If you actually break your rib I’m not going to help you fix it and you can die on this island immobile.”
You quiet.
“Fine.”
Baekhyun ends up carrying all of the heavy items found on your search back to the beach where you’d washed up. You trail behind him, mind shrouded in confusion, and a bit of worry. When did he start to care about your injuries?
He puts down the sheet, that he’d used the carry everything over, with an exhausted puff of breath.
Wordlessly you both begin to set up camp.
Baekhyun works on getting a fire started as the sun begins to lower in the sky, and you spread out the cloth so that you’ll have a buffer between your bodies and the sand when you sit down or sleep.
You take stock of all of the supplies that you’d collected while he continues to nurse dim embers to life. You’re happy to see that he’d found a second flare in his search.
The sky and the ocean are calm, cruelly so, as the two of you settle in front of the growing fire. When the sky is blanketed in black and stars begin to make themselves known, you light the flare that you’d grabbed from the prison. It illuminates the sky briefly and then fades away. Hopefully your ship sees it.
The night is warm, and the fire crackles excited between you. You on one side of the fire and Baekhyun five feet away.
Baekhyun munches on a package of dried meat he’d collected, and you struggle to open a bottle of rum with your teeth. It uncorks with a satisfying ‘pop’.
You take a large swallow and feel is settling, warm, in the pit of your stomach.
When you hold it out towards Baekhyun, he only looks at it, and then trains his attention back to the fire.
You shrug and take another swig. You smack your tongue against the roof of your mouth loudly to show your satisfaction.
“Okay fine. Hand it over.” You smile gratuitously as he takes the bottle and takes a drink for himself.
The alcohol relaxes your muscles and you feel the urge to start talking. “So…two eyes huh?”
You name falls from his lips in warning, telling you to drop it. You raise your hand in mock defeat.
You think maybe the alcohol is making him want to talk too. Or maybe it’s the silence. “…Why do you keep calling Suho a princess?”
“Huh?”
“He’s a prince,” Baekhyun states. He shifts in his spot and turns his body to face you. “He’s the Prince of Atlantis, but you’ve been calling him a princess even though you know that he’s not a girl.”
You shrug. “The stories…they originally just called him the lost child of Atlantis.”
“Yeah…”
“I don’t know when people started to just assume the lost child was a girl. It helped to keep his identity hidden that way even if it was wrong. If everyone was out looking for the Princess of Atlantis, they wouldn’t give a second thought to a man who fits the description. After a while it just became second nature to refer to him like that, to continue to talk about him as a little missing girl rather than who he actually was. Suho is a princess, and Junmyeon is a member of my ship. They weren’t the same person in my head.”
Baekhyun hands you the rum. For the same reason that you keep your own identity a secret, your crew decided to keep Junmyeon’s. Sometimes you gain an advantage by letting people assume what they want.
“Did you find out on your own that he was the princess- the prince?”
You smirk. “Your curiosity finally won out huh?”
He pelts a stick at your arm.
He waited longer than you expected –you’ll give him that.
“Since you are so curious I guess I can tell you.” He picks up another stick. “Anyways! He came up and told me. Introduced himself to me that way, the dumbass,” you laugh at the memory. “It was…years ago. Right as I was starting to find people to join my crew. He just walked up to me while I was sitting in the corner of a bar and slid one of my ‘Man for Hire’ posters across the table. This scrawny guy, soaked from head to toe. He looked exhausted but there was something in his eyes that I’d never seen before.” You look into the fire as you try to recall the details of that night.
“He told me that he wanted to hire me to get him home. I’m pretty sure I laughed right in his face. He sat down at my table, dropped a heavy bag of money between us, and said, ‘I can get you more money than you can imagine.’
“‘Okay I’ll bite. What’s the deal?’
“‘Have you ever heard of Atlantis?’” you repeat the words from the exchange and then pull your gaze from the fire to meet Baekhyun’s. “He went on to tell me that he was a prince and that he’d run away a few years before. He was ready to return, but he had no idea how to do it. He’d left because his family and his people were pressuring him about his destiny and the role he had to fulfill to save the kingdom and he just...panicked. He was just a teenager, you know? He was scared, he wasn’t ready, and so he ran away. He fled and then lived on land among humans for long enough that the connection he’d had with the ocean had dimmed. He couldn’t find his own way home, and they couldn’t come find him, even if they wanted to.”  
Baekhyun frowns. You take a drink, pass him the bottle, and continue on.
“I didn’t believe him at first, but decided to do what I could. Our relationship started out like that, with me trying to get him home. After some time he just decided to be on my crew. We would find crewmen, do other jobs to pay for our expenses, and then continue to look for Atlantis. Over time we gained more men, we lost even more, but he was always there at my side as my first mate. As my first crewman.” You smile fondly and play with the sand at your side. “Soon enough, finding Atlantis became an…afterthought. It wasn’t our priority anymore. We went on other adventures, faced other challenges, and strengthened the family we built aboard the ship.
“He said he was fine not finding his way home anymore after a few years of looking. But the way he looks out at the sea sometimes…” Memories arise of him leaning against the side of the ship and looking out at the expanse of the ocean longingly. “It’s heartbreaking.”
You don’t realize that your eyes are starting to water until a tear falls against the back of your hand. You swipe away the moisture and paste on a smile. Baekhyun’s expression is one of empathy. “I know that he misses the sea; I know that he misses home no matter what he says to deny it. I promised him that I would get him back, once. He laughed at me, but I meant it. He’s like my family, but his happiness comes before anything else…even if I have to give him back to the sea.”
Your words settle over you both like a heavy blanket. Your own heart tugs a bit at the memories and realization that you really may be giving him up soon. If they find you on this island and you continue on your quest. You’ll be giving up the person who’s been at your side longest.
“You love him,” Baekhyun states.
His words startle you. You look at him with widened eyes and try to read his expression, or at the very least the intention behind his words. It’s carefully concealed behind neutrality, but you can see a bit of the uneasiness in his eyes. You don’t know what comes over you. Why you want to see his reaction to your words so badly. Why you hope that it’ll bother him –even if it’s just a little.
You keep your gaze steady when you respond. “Yes.”
A glimpse of offense is all you catch as evidence that you words may have affected him, but it could have been a trick of the light from the fire. He rolls his eyes and takes a long swig of the rum, no longer looking you in your eyes.
“I love him the way I love every member of my crew,” you press on cautiously. You catch the stillness in his throat as he stops swallowing for half a second. Satisfaction thrums through your body. Why? Why? You don’t know for sure yourself. “Everyone on my crew is my responsibility, and with that comes a level of love and respect that we’ve all worked hard to build. Like I said, the men and women on that ship are my family. We wouldn’t work as well as we do if we didn’t love each other just a little bit. Thinking that you can’t love your shipmates just because you’re a pirate and you kill people is old fashioned. Love solidifies a bond like nothing else. We would risk our lives for each other…that goes for us with you and your men too.”
The fire pops loudly.
He wipes away a drop of alcohol from the corner of his lips and gives you a measured look. You watch as he figures out how to form the question he wants to ask next. You hold out your hand for the bottle.
He passes it, and if your hands faintly brush –neither of you mention it.
The next swallow of the liquid burns its way down and blurs your senses. Drunkenness creeps in at the corners of your mind. A weighted silence stretches on while you focus on the pleasant humming in your veins.
“Is that why you jumped in after me?” You twitch in your spot at the sound of Baekhyun’s voice. Enough time has passed of prolonged silence that you have to search your mind for what it is he’s referring to.
Oh, the storm. Your recklessness.
“Yeah,” you say easily. “You’re a part of my crew for now. We shook hands on our truce and everything –and you didn’t stab me after I cut your side, so I figure I can trust you. I would have done the same thing for anyone.” He seems unhappy with your answer, but doesn’t voice it. “If I can save a life, I save it. Especially if it’s someone on my crew,” you ramble on.
He laughs in disdain. “That’s stupid of you. No self respecting captain would do something like that.” He mutters around the bottle he’s slipped from your fingers, “I would have let me drown.”
You toss a handful of sand in his direction. “Well I’m not you.”
His eyes shine in confusion. You curse under your breath from the movement on your rib as you scoot closer to him. “You know,” you start, fully committed to over sharing now that you’ve started, “I haven’t hold anyone this, but years before I met Junmyeon –when I was still just a little street rat pick pocketing to eat and whatever- I had my life saved. You can think it’s stupid, because it kind of is but I don't care.” Baekhyun’s lip twitches up in amusement.
“Anyway! I had my life saved by this one kid. I was being chased down by a couple of thugs a man sent on me after I stole his purse. It was a rich guy who lived in my town, super well-known and feared. I’d really fucked myself over this time. His men were after me, and I tried to hide, but no one was willing to let me in. They were afraid of him. And I was just this random kid; they didn’t owe me anything. I knew if I was caught, I’d get my hands cut off…or worse!” You widen your eyes to emphasize your words. Baekhyun breathes out a laugh.
“I ran around in a panic, crying, shaking, begging. I was only like…10. I hid in an alleyway for an hour when I heard them coming. I could hear them asking people on the street if they’d seen me. ‘Have you seen this girl?’ ‘Have you seen this girl?’” you mimic. “I knew that I was going to be found. But then, this kid, he saw me when he’d come to throw out the trash from the shop he worked at. Or maybe he lived there? I don’t know…I just know that he didn’t have to help me, but he did. He helped me up and hid me in a storage shed under the shop until the next morning. It might not have meant anything to him, but I remember that favor to this day.
“I know it’s unlikely that I’ll ever meet him again, especially since I haven’t returned home, but I feel like I’m repaying him in some way like this. Saving the lives of people close to me or the lives of people who can’t save themselves. I can’t save everyone; shit, I’ve killed way more than I’ve ever saved, but where I can, if I know I can do it, then I do. Since I never got to tell him thank you…it helps.”
You aren’t sure if your words make sense; they don’t the longer you think about them, but you hope that Baekhyun gets the general idea. As a pirate, you pride yourself on killing those who are evil by nature. The people who pick on and hurt the innocent, the less fortunate, the defenseless. You kill, and you collect money for killing, but you have never killed someone who did nothing to deserve it. You’re relentless, sadistic, and at times monstrous, but you aren’t heartless. Despite how you grew up and the struggles you’ve faced –for every unkind soul you encountered, you met two with hearts of gold.
“You know…you talk a lot when you’re drunk.”
“Shut up.”
“No it’s…nice. Having a…normal conversation.”
You blink at him. Yeah, it is. Not throwing curses and insults at each other for once is…nice.
But the thought of admitting that aloud to him makes your stomach twist in an ugly way.
“Are you going soft on me Byun?” you tease.
“I’m allowed to enjoy just talking every once in a while. You’re the one going all starry eyed over some kid from your childhood that’s probably buried in whores and liquor right now,” he throws back. “You shouldn’t idolize people like that. It’ll hurt you less when they don’t fulfill your expectations.” He fingers the neck of the bottle before taking a large swallow. “Besides it sounds like you’re in love with him and you don’t even remember what he looked like.”
“I’m not in love with him,” you feel your stomach turn uncomfortably when Baekhyun looks back at you with an amused eyebrow raise.
So you’re in love with him right? That's why you’re acting like this?
Heat fills your cheeks. “And so what if I can’t remember what he looked like? It was a long time ago and my memory’s been distorted. Fuck off.”
For a while you did look for that kid. You can remember the kohl rimming his eyes, and the hood he wore that hid his face in the darkness. In the time you searched for him you wanted so bad for someone to fit the mental description that you began to make people fit it. You confused what you actually remembered of his appearance with what you wanted him to look like.
Even if he sat right in front of you today –you probably wouldn’t even recognize him.
You hear Baekhyun holding back his giggling and you glare at him half-heartedly. With a full smile, all rectangle, all rounded cheeks, he holds the nearly empty bottle for you to take once again.
When your hand touches his this time, you both pause for a second longer than you should. You blame the alcohol. He lets go and averts his gaze back to the fire. You clear your throat nervously. “What about you?” his eyes flicker quickly from the fire. “Any savior stories? Or love stories, heartbreaker? You know, outside of ones with me,” you add jokingly before finishing the bottle.
“No,” he says quickly. You see his ears color.
You gasp. “You do don’t you? Tell me,” you demand. “Was it someone you grew up with? Are you in love with someone right now?”
The red spreading up his neck isn’t a result of your imagination, or your drunkenness, you know it. “Why are we even talking about this?” he complains, a whine taking form in his voice. You’ve heard him whine like this once before –when he was leaving a bar being held up by one of his men (Sehun, now that you know the people in his crew) and not wanting to go home.
“You’re the one interrogating me over my love life!”
“I was not!”
“‘You love him’, ‘Sounds like you’re in love with him’, ‘You’re obsessed with each other’,” you mock.
His eyes narrow. “I never said that last one.”
This time you feel your face heating. “Whatever. You started the conversation.” You grab sand and start to fill the empty bottle just to give yourself the distraction. You don’t think you can look at him right now. “Besides, there’s nothing else to do. Unless you want to spar…” you look over eagerly.
His face scrunches up (cutely) and he lies on his back. “No, I’m too tired and too drunk to fight you right now.”
You frown to yourself and finger the top of the bottle distractedly. “You know…” you start again, “You act like love is a death sentence, or like it’s something bad.”
“It is,” he says simply. His voice sounds far away. You shuffle closer so (so that you can hear him better –obviously) and grumble under your breath as a way to distract from the pain movement causes you.
He doesn’t move away when you lie down next to him. You both stare up at the sky, visions swimming.
Fuck you’re drunk.
“Are you drunk?” you whisper.
“…a bit,” he laughs in a whisper back.
You both continue to look at the stars and giggle to yourselves. It’s funny that you’re here like this, you think –lying on a beach with Baekhyun on your side, so close that the sides of your bodies are nearly overlapping. Giggling and drunk and talking about love like old friends.
I think you should both admit you’re in love with each other so we can all move on.
“Baekhyun…”
“Hmm?”
“It could be nice…being in love.” His head rolls to the side to watch you. You keep your eyes trained on the sky. “Like…it could be like having a first mate in life. Someone to help you navigate your ups and downs like a first mate helps a captain navigate the seas. It could be nice having that one person to lean on when the waters get too rough and it feels like the entire world is against you –you still have the one person who will always be there at your side. It might be nice to be scolded and praised and encouraged for just living…for just being yourself. Don’t you think?” you let your head loll to the side so you can look at him.
You observe the furrow of his eyebrows and the way his lips pout as he thinks. You stare openly into the darkness of his eyes and notice how they both droop downwards. How his nose slopes and how his face is so round.
You feel your stomach flip in an ugly way.
Struck by panic and by his silence at your words –you slap on a sleazy drunk smile. “And you can have sex with them whenever you want. That’s a pretty cool bonus, I think.”
He laughs his absolute loudest –his brightest- at that.
You shove down the urge to say something else, something just as dumb, just so that you can see him laugh like that again.
Shit.
“Shut up,” he giggles. His eyes shine and dart across your face excitedly and you faintly register your own doing the same. His cheeks are so round and so red from the alcohol and the joy.
He’s very pretty when he smiles.
Both of his eyes, pretty (he’s got two of them who would have thought?). A mole under one of them, another on his cheek, one more above his lip.
His lips…those stupid little pink triangles that make up his upper and the stupid moisturized swell of the other. As if able to read your thoughts, his tongue darts out to wet them.
“Your lips are so stupid,” you grumble to yourself loud enough for him to hear you clearly.
That pulls another raucous laugh out of him. His teeth gleam in the moonlight and against the fire.
“Your teeth too,” you add softly. “They’re too white.”
“You’re drunk. Go to sleep,” he says with a smile.
You roll onto your side to face him. He follows. “Am’not. You’re s’the one who’s drunk,” you fire back. He chuckles softly, almost fondly, and it ghosts across your face. You’re close enough to count his eyelashes.
If you had half the coherence to do so.
“Baekhyun…”
“Hmm?”
You pause to figure out why you called out his name this time. You don’t have anything else you really want to say –just wanted to capture his attention.
“You wanna mess around?” you try.
He giggles. “No, we’re drunk.”
“How valiant of you, that’s never stopped us before. I’m only offering this one time so you better take it up before I take it back.”
He scoffs. “No you aren’t. You’ll probably ask again tomorrow too when you’re sober because you’re always horny and always stupid and you’re in love with my dick.”
You hum and close your eyes with a smile. “Touché.”
The world spins even as your eyes are shut. Your body feels heavy with alcohol and warm with whatever it is that has happened tonight between you and Baekhyun.
When you hear him murmur your name, you peak open an eye. His gaze is surprisingly clear for someone who drank just as much as you.
“Yeah?”
“I’ll uh…I’ll take the first watch,” he stammers.
You close your eyes again and hum in agreement. “You’ve got first watch?” you yawn out.
You vaguely hear him hum as the crackle of the fire sound of his soft breaths lull you to sleep.
62 notes · View notes
jentlemahae · 3 years
Note
I completely agree about Lil Nas X... Like, I think the video's concept is great and the backlash it's getting is wrong. And I used to be a big supporter of him until my muslim friend showed me evidence of what he's done. I almost bought a vinyl! And I don't even have a vinyl of my favourite band! But he has done such hurtful things in the past and he doesn't really seem to be sorry for them. People say that it's okay, because it was a troll account and he probably didn't believe those things... But he still said them. A troll account is not an excuse to spew horrible garbage without any consequences. And it was recent. They weren't only from when he was 15. And I hate it when people defend his Islamophobia because Islam is homophobic, as if LGBT muslims don't exist! And those LGBT muslims have to sit and watch an Islamophobe be praised as this gay icon and great activist. Idk, I just think it kinda sucks. And I wouldn't dare post about my problems with him right now because I just know I'd be accused of being some prude Christian homophobe who just wants a reason to hate on him because I'm offended that he gave Satan a lap dance. And my complaints would be dismissed. I just wish he would show some convincing regret about what he's said. Because it really seems like he's not taking it seriously.
I'm also kinda mad that people who claim to hold artists and celebrities accountable for the bad things they did are turning a blind eye to this. I just know that if Taylor Swift was accused of saying those things, no one would turn a blind eye to it. She's been "cancelled" for much less. At this point, it seems that "holding artists accountable" is code for "finding morally right reasons to hate the artists I hate and forgiving the artists I like even if their apology is not convincing".
And it's such a tricky situation, because if he's called out now it might send the message that such open displays of gay men's sexualities are not welcome in music videos, and I don't want people to think that! Ugh!
Not to mention the accusations of plagiarism from FKA Twigs' "Cellophane" director and the fact that he named the song after a book written by a man who admitted that he was inspired by the fact that he wants to do it with 12 year old girls to write it, which are just the cherry on top to this whole thing!
yeah it’s a very fine line to walk like., on the one hand i think his mv and its message deserve support, bcs it helps with taking away some of the stigma surrounding people being so openly lgbt (in particular poc) and that’s a wonderful thing! but i agree like i personally cant look past his former behaviour, especially bcs he hasnt shown real specific remorse for it thus far :/
and uhm i would be careful with your taylor comment bcs 1) we dont know what would happen to her bcs she has never been in such situations, and 2) i get why people might be more lenient when casting judgement on an artist from a minority bcs there arent many to begin with in the industry, and so i guess people might hope that giving them a place in the spotlight might allow more people from such minority to get to the same level of fame (idk if this is clear omg ?)
anyways i dont believe in celebrities getting cancelled but i personally wont support his career if he doesnt show remorse for his past behaviour
4 notes · View notes
19, 20
18 hours~
18 hours ive just slept. dont know how much i slept yesterday. the day before that slept 3 different times, 2-3 hours each. it felt like 4 days went by in that one day, not just because of the sleep patterns. that morning i woke up, or i was woken up, with an already shit feeling that was just about to get worse. i realized, if todays events were to go as planned, id probably kill myself. there was a plethora of reasons for that, going so far back it's almost laughable. a large component to ensuring i would carry it out, was that id be alone for the next few days. it felt, feels? extremely pathetic, even though the being alone in itself had no part in the reasons building up to such major suicidalness. suicidality? whatever. the conditions surrounding that being alone were some reasons; the being alone itself was just the perfect setting to allow it. but i couldnt say that. i couldnt say, in this situation specifically, that if i was left alone id probably kill myself. it'd be manipulative, would it.. though maybe what i ended up doing was no different. "i think im going to admit myself to the psych ward" was essentially what i ended up saying. i was met with so much support, it felt worse in a way. not as in worse than if id been met with anything else, just, worse than i had felt before. i felt guilty. i felt selfish. it felt like i was saying whatever just to get my way. even though all "my way" was, was to live, and to hopefully not leave the animals unattended in the process. foremost the animals, really. after having been shown awkward support, albeit shocking in a good? way, i regretted saying anything. or maybe i didnt, maybe those feelings didnt come til later. either way, the guilt was, still is, all-consuming. making calls to inpatient services piled on the guilt even more. i shouldnt be wasting these peoples time, there are surely those worse, ill be fine now, probably. the same feelings of guilt towards the person i admitted this to, and to the admissions people at the looney bin, grew even more while at the crisis center the next day. there were cases, serious cases, serious-er cases, being discussed by the staff. severe drug addict, has uncontrollable seizures, huge gaps in memory, is in and out of the hospital, only 21. someone came in with a fucked up leg, brought in by someone else. another came in with 5 bags packed, as if this was a usual visit, prepared to stay for a long while. another person, also accompanied, came in, just as quiet as i was. i knew not to compare. i knew everyone goes through things differently, presents differently, and presentation alone hasnt a sole explanation on whats actually going on with a person. and it wasnt these exterior comparisons that lead to the guilt, but that i was no longer feeling the unbearable despair and violent willingness to go through with what i had planned the day before. i didnt feel good, i didnt feel okay, i felt numb. but numb is better than That, numb is no reason to take up the time of people who are busy trying to help people with worse problems. they were kind, and seemingly all too knowing, and they sent me home with a couple phone appointments. i didnt know how to feel about it or what to think, the only prominent feeling still being guilt, somehow residing along nothingness. perhaps emptiness would be a better word. i was so confused about what to feel and think and so overwhelmed with guilt, that for a short while after any time i tried to speak about it, my mind would go blank and i sounded like a malfunctioning printer trying to get words out. now its the day after, technically two days after, and i still feel nothing. or i feel empty. or i feel numb. the words i was told when i first spoke of my plans to admit myself, and in turn some of the feelings/reasons that led to that, still ring in my ears; "it often looks you're doing better, but i think you're just distracting yourself."  im still not sure whether thats entirely true, but it is at least partly, and its distinctly how i decided to live at the ripe-old age of 12 or 13, when i was in a different, arguably worse and far more hopeless set of circumstances. i remember it now n again, and every once in awhile i come across the note i wrote to myself at the time as a reminder, it saying only "distract yourself". its been 7 or so years since. so much has changed, i have far more ability to make further changes by myself than ever before. a week before all of this happened, i was determined and taking the first steps to make what would probably be the largest change of my life so far. and all it took to take me from that to the pits of despair was several ever-smouldering struggles and a couple of current happening-problems. and now i dont know what to do. im mostly numb, maybe a slight bit anxious, and i dont know what to do next. im going to have to face everyone about what's going on, and I don't know what to tell them. and I'll once again feel guilt, because I don't know how i feel or what to say, because i didn't go through with the attempt, because ive wasted people's time over this. because i knew as soon as i wasnt going to be alone, the main excuse to kill myself was gone, and i couldn't admit that to the person who was leaving, the same person who contributed to so many of the events that brought upon the feelings that lead up to this point. that lead up to it this time, that lead up to it several times before. i told work i had been admitted earlier than i actually had been because i didnt want to let them know very last minute, and they were so kind about it; and then i was discharged within an hour. i dont want to go anymore. i dont know if i should. i can think of 100 reasons why i shouldnt, maybe only a few convincing reasons why i should. i look at my ongoing suicidal ideation, and since now that it's met with indifference to the actions and potential outcomes rather than turbulence, i shrug it off. i think, i think thats what im supposed to do. 
and all of this sounds like self pity, self loathing, utter dejection, such things that i hold such disdain for and cant handle in other people anymore. its irritating, its pathetic, all i need to do to improve is take a step, a step in literally any direction. and eventually, i will, maybe. if i make it to that point. but right now, i dont know. im not sure any of this is true. im not sure of anything, period. and thats a lie. and its not. ah
1 note · View note