#its hard to word properly and we're really tired

[echidnana]

don't really know how to word what I am. but basically I think I'm... a player character. in the literal sense of being a vessel for a player and having nothing inherently of my own

[the-fo0l]

Micheal Scofield dating hcs

notes: it's criminal crazy kooky insane how little content there is for this show

warnings: gn reader, s1 lore, super soft fluff!!!! also idc if u think its out of charater let me be delulu

he's so babygirl

a very devoted boyfriend (im pretty sure i say that in all my hcs but its true!!)

just so soft and polite and gentle with you aaaaa

doesn't notice just how hard he's fallen for you until he has to be apart from you a long while

such a gentleman, his intentions towards you are always respectful

before you we're offical he had quite the crush on you

sometimes you could notice that cool, calm, witty demeanor of his becoming more bashful and jittery around you

daydreamed a lot about you and your potential future together. what it'd be like to live with you, to start the day by your side, how you'd show affection, how you'd express diffrent emotions, what you'd talk about, your niche interests and quirks— etc

slightly creepy but he did do a bit of research on you to make sure he hit it off with you as best as he could

always says good night and good morning, over text if not in person

just imagine waking up, still cuddling, but with a little distance so he can properly take in your sleepy morning face

him just gazing at you so lovingly, his gentle smile growing a little bigger seeing you open your eyes, then moving one hand from your waist to caress your cheek and murmur "good morning" with his sultry morning voice

GOOD LORDDD

he developed a new-found love for his job when you two started dating cause thanks to it he can properly provide for you

and provide he does

doesn't think you should have to work a day in your life (unless you wanted to)

he'd hate for you to stay at a job you're miserable at

super proud of you for all your accomplishments

when you have to seperate while walking to avoid something in the street, be immediately reaches back to interwine your fingers again

expresses all love languages in some way but 'acts of service' is his main one

amazing at gift giving and romantic gestures

just when you think he can't possibly out-do last year's anniversary/birthday gift he suprises you with something super elaborate and meaningful

absent-mindedly makes origami flowers for you at work. you'll also find them all over your apartment, some hidden, some in plain sight

at some point he started writing messages on them. some with the most loving praise you've ever heard and some w cheesy pickup lines

p.s. he grins ear to ear when he finds out you've got a special box for them all instead of throwing them away

when you're both still a little tired in the morning, or when either of you comes home after a long day, he peppers delicate kisses all over your face, ending with a deeper kiss to your lips

your touch just makes all the headaches of his day-to-day melt away

also takes both your hands and kisses your knuckles while looking at you with all the love and admiration in the world god lord

okay enough with the kissing!

always opens doors for you

compliments you often, and always uses words like stunning or beautiful instead of "hot

loves making you flustered with praise

he's an amazing listener, and he looooves listening to you talk

also, he's quite intense with the eye-contact

he thinks you're the most gorgeos person in the world what can i say

it might seem like he's not paying attention sometimes cause of how lost-in-your-eyes he seems but i assure you he remembers every little thing you say

nods along and hums a little to let you know he's listening

"i remember you said you liked this, so i got it for you" typa guy

you're happy = he's happy

will often sometimes call you to talk about nothing really important, more just for the sake of hearing your voice

and if you're not much of a talker that's fine too, the silent moments you share are never awkward

he's canonically super observant, so if you changed anything about your apperance or if you were in a bad mood he'd notice right away, even if you tried to hide it

great at comfort too, that silky-smooth voice of his knows exactly what to say

he's a very handsome guy (i mean cmon just look at him) so he tends to get hit-on quite a bit

he'd always brushed it off before but ever since he set his sights on you he's been very adamant on very clearly and quickly rejecting others' attempts

when he was making plans to break linc out of prison, a huge amount of his focus went to making sure you were kept safe during the whole process

having you be there from him after news broke and after linc got the death sentence already meant so much to him

so when he trusted you the broad strokes of his plan, and you supported him??? ohmygod this man fell in love with you all over again

yes, he was worried, but he had to tell you, spending days obsessing over prison schematics and getting full body tattoos is rather hard to hide from the love of your life after all

granted, he could have broken up with you and tried to rekindle after he'd escaped, but be fr he could never bring himself to dump you

you never know what may go wrong, and his love for you wasn't exactly a secret, so he took every precaution he could (as in like if someone wanted to harm you cause of your association with him)

he was still super anxious to let go of you

gave you the most passionate and desperate kiss before he went to prison

gets really really homesick for you

calls you whenever he can

would sometimes get teary-eyed from how hard he misses you before falling asleep in his bunk

would lose his mind if something didn't go according to his carefully constructed plan and put you at risk, cause there's not much he can do to control what happens outside foxriver. if t-bag ever found out about you he'd. freak. out.

he's willing to go to great lengths for the people he cares about (it's like the whole plot of the show), so you'd better not play w his beloved

on the rare occasions he has down-time in prison his thoughts always go to you and what you might be up to

he's surrounded by murderers daily and has the gall to be worried about you

sucre would pester him about his love-life a lot. insisting that he recognized yearning in michael's distant expression and saying that no single man could've helped him woo maricruz with that letter (michael writes love letters for you too)

sucre does eventually pull it out of michael and becomes just the biggest supporter of your relationship

this was kinda messy huh

[machiten]

thats my seat!

academic rival scaramouche x gn!reader headcanons

warnings: scaramouche(bro is a whole warning), foul language(it's scaramouche we're talking about here so), reader is mentioned to have bad eyesight, fights, angst, academic validation, bad parenting

barely proofread lmao im tired, it's 3:15 am and im starving. there will be a chapter 2 ofc i just wanted to post something goddamn my blog has been empty for so long (4 days) didn't have a way to keep track of the word count but it's kinda long. anyways hope u enjoy!!

oh god

when i say rival, i mean full on brawls on the school hallway

so let's say you've been top of your school since day one. your name has always been at the top of the score board every exam, always class representative, and well known as a smart kid ever since you steped on school premises.

you work hard to keep your grades up, your parents pay enough attention to your succesful brother and none for you

having a successful brother plants high expectations on you. i mean, he did very well, so why cant you? you both have the same blood running through your veins. your parent's praise, that is all you've ever wanted. and yet you're not even informed if there's a family outing, leaving you in your house alone

it has been like that for years

not until one day, you enter into the classroom and someone else is sitting in your chair. someone unfamiliar is sitting on your chair.

"hey, excuse me. i sit there." you pointed at what is supposed to be, your chair. "what, i dont see any names on it." Ok, what. when you finally look up to the culprit, my goodness. Fierce purple eyes that looks like it holds the entire universe, his skin as fair as a maiden, lips plum as a springs fruit, a beauty mark at the underside of his right eye, and his hair a unique color of indigo that is cut in a weird jellyfish-ish hairstyle. while yes, he looks ethereal, not gonna lie (if he had longer hair you might've mistaken him as a girl) his personality certainly does not match his elegance. an annoyed look currently adorned his face, as if you disturbed his peace.

"done checking me out? i know im hot, i get that look everyday so dont ever think you're special." and now it changed into a cocky smirk. the nerve! not only is he sitting on someone else's chair but it seems like his head is getting bigger too. "well excuse me, i havent seen your around school until today so im guessing that you're the transfer student our teacher talked about last week. but do you mind finding a new spot, i sit there." you glared at him.

"no i like it here. here's a better idea, why don't you find a new spot. im the new student here, show some courtesy."

"no- what, go away thats my seat!"

"alright everyone, settle down- oh, i see that the new student is here already," the teacher finally came in the classroom, cup of steaming hot coffee in his hand. Everyone sat down on their seats while you are still standing up waiting for this person to look for another seat. Lmao guess what, he didnt move.

"(name), c'mon sit down. i know getting a new friend is exiting but we have to greet the new student properly. now go find your seat."

"wait but sir--"

"sit down, (name)"

"yeah that's right (name), sit down" a voice beside you spoke. you looked over to the new student adorning a triumphant grin at your loss. and so you are now forced to sit at the back, barely seeing what's in front because of your poor eyesight, and wearing a vengeful spirit.

epic first meeting

the seats in the back are okay, its breezy and you now sit next to xiao (his music taste is so good) but yeah, you cant really see the board clearly so you get notes from mona at the front

at first, it was a one sided rivalry. how hated how rude and bratty he was and at that time, he didnt seem too care (like he get those everyday). but then he started fighting back and oh boy he hasn't had this much fun in years!

the way you retort back to his harsh words is so amusing to him. usually, no one would dare talk to him in a degrading manner but then you came into his life, claiming that he's sitting on your chair, and it was never the same ever again.

now, he looks forward to everyday. he rises up earlier so that he can sit at your chair first, he keeps looking at the classroom door everytime someone enters (in case it's you so that he can give that shit eating grin), he loves how your face gets messed up when he wins an argument, he loves how small your hands are compared to his when you have a brawl in the hallways, and most of all, he loves it when you give him the shit eating grin when you win something (he says he let's you win sometimes because he pitied you, but is it really?)

to him, this is fun, amusing, entertaining. but to you? you've never felt this much hate in a human being, ever.

scaramouche is smart as fuck and he demonstrated that loud and clear

he aced the math test that the teacher gave that wasn't even taught to him

in presentations, he speaks loud and clear and you can really understand the point he's making

he doesn't really like group works (you noticed) but if he was put in a group, he does most of the job flawlessly

sports? oh of course. he's really good at baseball (pitcher). he's also good at other sports but not as good as baseball

oh and pray that you don't get him as your opponent in debates, you will be grilled like a brisket

did i mention he sleeps in like 70% of his classes? it's not like the teachers can do anything about it. he excels in everything, at least let him sleep as a gift

the only times he would be awake is when he pulls on your strings

but of course, you're also good in all of these, that's why you both are rivals

you fight almost everyday for the top spot (and for your original seat) to the point where its a daily routine to everyone else to see you both pinching and arguing in the classroom

He doesn't have any close friends (ahem childeahem) and it's either bc ppl are intimidated by him or he just doesnt give a fuck about friends

maintaining grades is one thing, winning against him is another

you are very intellegent, yes, but you work very hard for your grades every night. losing sleep studying for upcoming quizes and making sure your projects are perfect. unlike him who doesnt even try

you havent seen him study once

and it makes you see yourself lower. you're both equally in par with your grades but thats when he doesn't even try. what happens when he takes everything seriously? what if he studies as hard as you do? where will you stand then?

but when you got 2nd place for the 3rd time this year, he took it too far

"what the hell?! this is the third time!" you looked at the results in the bulletin board expecting to see your name in first place. you studied hard, right? so then why,,,

"oh oops, looks like i did a little too well again this time. aw and i didn't even answer some of the questions because i felt bad for beating you the last two times." a snicker is heard behind you and sure enough, piercing indigo eyes is looking at yours in pure pity. "thanks i guess. are you happy now? that's three times in a row!" aether beside you is now having a deadpan expression, expecting the worst. 'alright here we go again'.

"oh yes very, you know what makes me even happier? your declaration that you're inferior to me. why do you even try anyways, it's clear to everyone that im better. you're just wasting your time burying your head in your books and notes when we both already know who's coming at the top. imagine not meeting your parent's expectations." he's now looking down on you, beating you up with words that you know damn well are true. but that doesn't mean you're not gonna fight back.

"what."

"oh you know, maybe if you tried harder, the cost of your education might be worth it for your parents. honestly, if i we're them id--"

before he could finish his sentence, a loud echoing smack is heard all across the hallway, making everyone's attention turn to the commotion. scaramouche head is now turned the other way, his cheeks beginning to flare from the hit as he glared at the culprit, you. "you motherfucking bitc-!" you tackled him and due to surprise, he fell back. aether is now alert, shouting your name trying to get you to your senses.

you gripped scramouche's collar, rasing his head from the floor and slamming it back down. "you're an asshole, you know that?! i try my best everyday and this is what i get?!!" he fights back, hand on your arm that's trying to get a hold of his hair and another on your neck, holding back your weight.

"you don't know what it's like!! you will never know what it's like being compared to your brother everytime they get a chance!! you dont know what it's like going home to nothing but words of disappointment when you did everything you can to get their approval!! you will never know what it's like for your efforts to go to waste!! you will never know the feeling of being kicked out of your own home and live in a run down apartment!! i work day and night, i lose sleep everyday, i barely have anything for myself to live, and now i have to deal with your ass every single day too?!!"

"(name)! calm down, hey-!"

"fuck off aether!"

every word you spat pricked scaramouche's heart and made him struggle from your assaults. this isn't fun anymore. he knew a bit of your situation, kazuha told him. but he never knew it was this bad. all he knew is about your parent's expectations. he didn't even attempt to fight back this time and just defends himself from your blows. 'shit, i took it too far.'

"you dont have to remind me of my incompetence! i already know, i know damn well i will never be enough!! you're right, why do i even try, right?! you're so fucking annoying, doing everything so effortlessly, like school is a nuisance!! can't i take a fucking break?!!" at this point, you cannot control your tears from falling into his cheeks, rolling down his porcelain skin.

"what are you--?!"

"why can't i be a genius like you?! why dont i have everything that you have?!! i did everything i can, what am i doing wrong?!" you are now saying intangible words that no one can decipher because of the mess of emotions you are feeling at that moment. you're about to deliver another blow when someone held you back.

"(name)! you're doing too much! thats enough!!" goddamn she is stronger than i thought, scaramouche deals with this everyday?? aether pulled you away from the tangled mess that you and scaramouche managed to create. you're struggling his hold but after a bit, you slumped down having no more strength to keep going, sobbing quietly. "...(name)?" aether said.

"...i am so tired of everything, why do i even keep trying. i.. i just want to make my parents proud..." sniffles could be heard from where you are being held my aether's arms. aether supported you from the groud and led you away from the scene and the prying eyes of other students. before you both can disappear completely, aether turned around and gave scaramouche a threatening glare. "i know you both bicker a lot but you took it too far. you are an asshole and you better change that attitude of yours or i will send you home even worse than your condition right now." and you both are gone.

scaramouche is still sitting on the floor, his arm supporting his weight, bruises are forming in his skin while he's craddling his cheek that is now very noticeably red and flaring from the slap you served him earlier. he doesn't know how to act, really. should he apologize? should he just walk away and like nothing happened? should he report you for physical abuse? he didn't know anything.

what he does know though is that he fucked up, big time. he knows that you'll never want to see his face ever again, he knows that nothing will be the same again, and he knows thag the feelings he has will never be reciprocated, after what he's done.

he actually just found out recently, when someone from the other class was making fun of you and he didn't like it one bit, he's the only one allowed to make fun of you, everyone back off. scaramouche can see the crowd dissipating, no longer interested since the main action is gone. he sat there on the floor the whole time, rethinking his life choices, wondering if he said things differently instead of those. would he be seeing you tomorrow? will you still argue with him about nonsensical bullshit? can he still hold your hand whenever you pinch him?

he heard footsteps and before he can look up, someone had smacked him in the head.

"what the fuck-!!"

"i want to say 'are you okay', but to be honest you kinda deserved that." a mop of ginger can bee seen hanging from someone's head.

"fuck off childe, and why did you smack me?!"

"because you deserve it. but y'know, it's nice having front row seats seeing you ruin your life because of that toungue of yours. aether's right you're an ass." he helped scaramouche from the floor, dusting his uniform from the filth. "ill take you to the infirmary." scaramouche can only nod, feeling lethargic after all that energy spent.

he hopes to see you the next day, acting like nothing ever happened.

part 2

[splendi-city]

a letter he may never read

i'm not exactly one for words. my thoughts are a scramble and my head is never really on straight. the feelings, as abundant and as intense in volume as they are, can never seem to properly translate in expression. this is a problem that has caused me more grief than i would like to admit.

at this very point in time, i am tired. i dont know what or how to feel. i dont know what to do and how to react. i am simply exhausted.

why am i always stuck in a consistent, never enough yet asks for too much, for you. i feel like im stuck in this loophole, paralyzed, having no room and no space to budge. its like im being cornered, and i'm just letting it happen.

i wish things were different. i wish i could be better for you. hell, i wish you could be better for me. but despite how much i want to-and trust me i want to, i cant seem to be mad at any of this.

i dont see this as anyone being at fault. more precisely the fact that i see equal fault in this equation. more than anything, i see two people who love each other a little too hard, despite every aspect of the universe telling them they're not meant to be.

i want this to work. i want us to work. and i promise, i will do everything in my power to try. but i feel like we're going against a large force telling us we're just not right for each other. and if i'm being completely honest, seeing you pull away an inch has prompted me to pull away a mile.

i'm stubborn. that's it, the matter of fact. i am too stubborn, with my own principles and beliefs. there are things that we can't seem to come to an understanding, yet i have the gall to pretend like i'm on your side. i believe all this pretending has taken its toll on me, as i hold on to this grudge of contempt. and thats not your fault, you didn't ask for this. but i thought this was the best i could do to keep the peace.

i dont know whats to become of us. all i know is right now, i feel like ive lost too much of myself. letting go ounces of myself in arguments, has led to a big chunk of me just floating abyss.

maybe we'll get better. maybe we'll be okay. maybe this is just a necessary phase we go through to in achieving an optimally healthy relationship.

and if it's not, i'm sorry we couldnt have been right for each other. god knows we tried, and for that i credit the both of us.

[doubledgesword-2]

Breeding Kink

I’m taking this as a kink instead so I hope that’s alright for the request! I apologize if it isn’t! I treated them like drabbles and if I’m honest I’m a bit disappointed in my work ;-; this rose tea is not my best.

Illumi

You opened your door to your pitch-black apartment with the same sluggishness and tiredness you had walking all the way from your work to here. Today had been one of those days, and those were fine once in a while...but the entire week? No, that was not normal. You had been on edge and stressed to the point of burning out. So the plans for this evening consisted of showering, eating something quick, and just dying on your bed. That was until you noticed the figure sitting on your sofa.

Illumi's back was to you; he was so still and quiet, you might as well think he fell asleep while sitting.

"You're late," his voice cut through the silence.

"I didn't know I was expected," you replied, and it was the truth; Illumi had left for a week on a job and didn't even called you. You weren't feeling particularly forgiving this evening, and the edge of your tone contrasted the calm and monotony in his

"It's been a long day, Illumi, is there anything I can do for you?"

Your relationship wasn't the best when it came to normal; there was a lot of miscommunication or lack of it. But Illumi did his best, he was interested in you, and that didn't happen often.

"As my love interest, you should always expect me is a quality that every wife should have. It's their job to wait for their husbands no matter how long they take" Illumi turned slightly to look into your eyes as he talked.

You perked up at the word wife; he had never made allusions to marriage, at least not directly like this. You knew his goals when it came to relationships. Still, you always expected him to leave you in the end for someone more suitable, almost royalty. After all, his parents were very demanding, and you knew you didn't fit the role of the perfect wife, starting with the fact that you worked a regular job and haven't found your nen if you even had one.

"But we're not married, Illumi. Besides, I don't think your parents would approve of someone as vain as me. I'm not strong, and I don't meet the qualifications. So..." you shrugged in the end, dropping your keys on the counter and your bag nearby.

Your hand went to flip the switch; all this talk in the darkness was unnerving you, especially when you took into consideration Illumi was an assassin. Right when you flipped the switch, Illumi's hand was on your wrist, turning off the lights once more. You could feel his toned chest as he pulled you close to him. For a second, you struggled in a fight or flight response, and Illumi's face went to the crook of your neck. His breath on your neck sent chills down your spine as he planted a feather-like kiss on your pulse. The action almost threatening, and it made you swallow. The fear and desire burned equally in your veins as he stretched your clothes, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses all the way to your shoulder.

"I think I've given you too much freedom. Do you think you're in control in this relationship?" He whispered to your shoulder, his other hand holding you tightly to him. "Do you think you can talk back to me just because you're tired? If you're going to be my wife, you need to learn how to behave properly."

Illumi slammed you down on the island counter, both of your hands twisted on your back held with one hand. You gasped and yelped as he did so. Whether it was from desire or fear, you didn't know. He bent over you, leaning close to the side of your head, nibbling your earlobe and whispering.

"Don't worry, I'll teach you" Illumi's free hand caressed your side, going down and squeezing everything he could. "The first lesson is to obey my every command. Can you do that?"

You nodded frantically, and he tilted his head innocently as if he wasn't holding you down or grinding into your hips slowly.

"Good girl" Illumi turned your body so you'd be laying on your back facing him. His hands went to your shirt, ripping it open, sending the buttons flying all around.

"Second, we have to continue the Zoldyck Legacy..." Illumi caressed a trail down your stomach and undid his pants, his eyes never leaving yours.

"I'll ensure you're filled to the brim, just to be sure it takes. We still have all night to try."

Hisoka

Hisoka had managed to find you where you were staying. You were on a short business trip. After he had disappeared to go on another gig, you didn't think it would matter if you actually did the same for the same reason. But Hisoka didn't like that. Like the petulant child he is, he was expecting to arrive home and be received and welcomed with a nice meal and some more relaxing activities afterward. But all he got was a nicely written note on the counter explaining your absence.

P.S feed your cat dummy :)

"Hmm," the cat meow made him look down to the fluff currently sitting at his feet, "She left you too, huh? Well, at least you welcomed me." He said in a bitterly playful tone.

After feeding the adorable and fearsome beast that guarded your apartment, he went on to look for you. He wanted your attention, and he wanted it now.

You had been staying at a company-paid hotel near the station. It was a relatively short trip, three days max, counting on everything going according to the agenda. After you had finished your last reports, you were set for a nice shower and sleep. Your stomach growling said otherwise, though. So you ordered some room service and went to shower quickly just in case the food came. When you were out in your robes, there was a knock on the door.

"Coming"

You opened the door, still drying your hair, when you looked up at the man serving you. It was Hisoka. Somewhere along the way, after he figured where you were, he had seen the boy coming up with your food, and once that was temporarily disposed of, he went on to serve you.

"Mmm, hello (Y/N)-Chan, how lovely to see you" he rolled the cart inside the room and closed the door by slamming you into it.

"Hisoka, w-what are you doing here?"

"I was lonely and bored. You left me all alone" He licked a trip up your neck all the way to your cheek.

"You leave alone all the time; what's the difference?" You were angry at that statement, 'how dare he?'

Hisoka's eyes widened for a split second, but not in shock, more in amusement.

"Oh," he chuckled, the tone dangerous, "my bad, little pet, I didn't realize this was such a sensitive topic" his tone was whimsical and mocking.

"Here, let's eat, and maybe you'll feel better" without giving you a chance, Hisoka grabbed your arms and flung you into the bed.

After your first release, you felt tired. You had been working nonstop for these two days. Your eyes closed, and his half-lidded ones are the last thing you remember.

"You actually passed out, doll. Was our sexy time too much to handle, or have I been mistreating you all these weeks I wasn't there, hmm~?"

You let out a breath at his playful look. He was rubbing circles on your exposed stomach while straddling you.

"Mmm, I think you're not relaxed enough; we might as well try again. After all, you let all my efforts slip out; I'll have to work hard to fill you up again~" he pouted playfully, looking over your tired form. "Don't worry, you can sleep while I'm at it, little fruit."

Chrollo

You were currently perched on your island counter chair like a vulture looking down at its prey. The entire week had been a mess of deadlines, due dates, and unhelpful people. To say you were stressed was an understatement. You were so stressed you no longer felt stressed.

That's how Chrollo found you when he entered your house. He could've used the front door, but he wanted to surprise you, and now he was worried about your confused face staring down the laptop screen.

You were so concentrated that when his hand laid on your shoulder, you jumped with a yelp.

"Argh, don't scare me like that," you chuckled, giving him a quick peck on the cheek but immediately turned to the computer screen once more.

Chrollo pouted slightly. He had been gone for an entirety of two weeks because of a small job; the least he expected was to be received with kisses, praise, and hugs like it was a kings parade.

He understood the stress, but he wasn't having it.

"Have you eaten anything?" He casually asked.

"Not really, but I can make you something if you want?" Chrollo gave a small smiled at the fact that you'd roll were willing to attend to him. You just needed to relax.

"Don't worry, love, I'll go shower" you nodded, and he turned, making his way down the hall and disappearing. You heard the water turn on muffled because of the closed door.

While you were concentrated on your work Chrollo slipped out of the bathroom, he grabbed you by the waist, spinning you and slamming you against the wall. His lips were possessive and angry as he kissed you. Sandwiched between his toned chest and the wall, you tried to push him back but eventually gave in to the way his fingers caressed your sides, his tongue forced yours into submission, and how he grinds his hips suggestively.

"Chrollo," you gasped when he finally let go of your swollen lips to suck on the skin of your neck. "I have to w-work."

At the mention of it, he bit down hard on your shoulder, making you Yelp.

"No more work" he licked the bite, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses. "I just returned, expecting my little darling to receive me with kisses and at least one hug. But instead," his free hand grabbed your hips tightly enough to bruise, "you've overworked to the bone" your hands held his head close to your chest, ruffling his hair in the process and making him look even hotter.

"I-I"

"It's alright, I know how you can make it better" kiss on your shoulder.

"for both of us" kiss on your jaw.

"I'm going to shower, and you're coming with me; after getting on your knees for me, you can let me fill you up nicely."

"But-t" a moan slipped your lips as his knee went between your legs.

"And if you keep protesting, I'll just keep stuffing you until you can't think straight. See if you can work after that"

I hope this was good! I’m sorry if I butchered this 😭

[monstas1ut2]

His Brown Sugar

Eren Jaeger x POC! Reader

<> 2. Cuz I Love Him

<>

It wasn't the first time the liquor burned the insides of your throat. The tingles not only making your brain forget, but completely frying it. It was odd, you've constantly told yourself you'd never even come close to an alcoholic drink.

This man happened to change your preference on everything positive...

"Hey! Whoa whoa! Let's not down the whole bar~!"

Ah, that crazy but angelic voice, it not only calmed you... but it nearly made you happy. Who knew your boss could make you feel that way..?

"Hanji.... you told me that last time, lemme drink na..."

"Ah Ah! There should've never been a last time! There's obviously something on your mind, I can tell. Your body language is-.."

"I don't wanna hear shit about my body language, Hanji.."

The soft pout on your face could only edge the female to grip lightly at your cheeks like an old woman. She happened to be in love with your cheeks, both sets of cheeks... which is why you work here in the first place. Sometimes you believe she's very fond of women, well, you know she's very fond of women.

"But (y/n)~... We're best friends!"

"So what's Levi...?"

"Shorty is my little gnome..." The glare in her glasses shining as she threw her head back a little, a laugh erupting from her throat. There never happened to be a bland moment with her and Levi, who happened to be a short male with infinite handsome features. His aura always caused people to suddenly bow down to him but that never happened with you.

Your thought process being, yes, he's mighty fine. At the same time though, it did not make you bow down, more so... flirt with him. Did he find it amusing? Definitely, but that was in the past... before you met the devil named Eren Jaeger.

That's another story to be told though...

The female who usually has a huge smile on her face, the aura of a child.. had become a bit more lighthearted. Her smile becoming softer as her hand touched your darker skinned cheek. It was like she was a mother towards you, though you're pretty sure it would be considered indecent because Hanji slaps your ass everyday... every chance she can get.

"I wanted to kill him... I tried to, but I ain't pull the trigger... cuz I love him..." It killed you, how pitiful you must've sounded, it may be in your blood, but the fact that you felt so weak, hurt. Black women are not only strong, but treated the most shitty.

<>

Shifting on the back of your heels almost, you stared at the place you called home. The neighborhood completely run down, but the community being quite wholesome. Yeah, there's a drug addict on the corner of your street but his name happens to be Mike and he shares his McDonald's when he gets it..

This wasn't always how it was, though it didn't matter. As long as you felt comfortable in your own skin, dressed properly, hair did.. nails did.. you were fine. It wasn't as if the money was coming slow, as beautiful as you are, the money comes in quite quickly when on stage. Though at the same time, Eren still manages to criticize what you do...

Eren probably became overly possessive when you dared to bring a man to your house... Though it wasn't anything like that, never...

Jean, that was his name... That name should never be spoken of around your boyfriend, if you valued your life. There's never really a way to ask him what happened between the two, and when you asked Armin, all he could muster up was that it was a rivalry.

"How you got in my house...."

The tone of your voice not only showed weakness, but it showed how tired you happened to be. Your left foot going to the back of your ankle to slip of that heel first, then following up and taking the other off. The huge duffel bag in your hand, tight. There was no way he was looking in that bag.

"I own it...?" The male spoke, his smirk appearing quite quickly as he watched you squint your eyes. Those long eyelashes of yours complementing your pretty face.. even if he teases you about flying away with them.

"Eren-..."

"The way I got in shouldn't matter... where the hell you comin from...?" The slight disgust in his tone not only made you feel self conscious but it made you swallow the fear down... no way in hell was he insulting you... right?

That's what you thought, though for some odd reason.. the pain, the toxic drink pang your heart, your body moving on its own.

The swift sound of glass shattering broke the silence, the metallic smell of blood entering Eren's nose. Those blue eyes of his glancing towards his palm.

"Get out..."

"Why? So you can count that wack ass money..? Babydoll, that's what I get a day... try harder.."

Not only did he tease you, but his body slumped more into that couch. His fingers playing with the shards of glass as he flicked them onto the carpet. The large wound not fazing him one bit, not with all the pain he went through.

Throwing that vase was nothing but fun for him.. and now his blood was staining your couch.

"You came here to fuckin insult me, Ight, is that all?" You spat, your head beating pretty hard against your skull... the room lightly spinning, all while you gripped at the nearest table.

And It didn't go unnoticed by your boyfriend... nothing ever gets past him... now does it..?

That brown hair still in that same hairstyle, his handsome features making you even more hazy. Though, it wasn't like your drunken state didn't turn him on. Eren wouldn't take advantage of you in such a state though, no... he wants you to remember.

Remember how badly he broke your back in..

No, he'll have to wait...

"Babydoll, I'd never insult you... just your choices make you seem like a dumbass.. get it?" Those words slipped from his mouth so easily, he really didn't have a filter anymore. Though did he ever have one?

"Cmon (y/n)... work with me here... be a good girl.... and come with daddy..."

[mimisempai]

Home is where our story begins

Summary:

Mobius and Loki will finally move in together, will the cohabitation be as natural as the rest of their story?

Notes:

Still not having the real name of Hunter B-15 and the story taking place post canon, I found it odd to keep calling it that. But I didn't want to invent a name for hher, so I chose HB, if Marvel were to give him a name later, I would change it here of course.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32628412

2871 words - Rating G

"So, soon the big day? I hope you're happy about it, even if it's new for you."

Mobius sipped his Josta, wondering what the best answer was. Yes seemed too restrictive, but it wasn't as if he wanted to go into details about his new living arrangements with Loki. Yes, he was happy to move in with Loki, of course, but...

"Mobius?"

"I'm... cautiously optimistic. You know me."

HB nodded. "For you, it's practically effusive." Chuckling, she took another pretzel. "I'm happy for you and Loki." Her smile faded briefly, "If our variant condition has taught me anything, it's to take happiness where it lies. I'm glad you decided to give your relationship with Loki a chance."

"There was nothing to decide because everything happens naturally between us," Mobius mumbled.

HB frowned. "Hm?"

Mobius cleared his throat. "It's nothing. I've talked too much."

"Talked too much?" HB laughed. "When it comes to explaining the logic of a mission strategy that sounds crazy, yes you could be accused of talking too much, but when it comes to your personal life... but I understand what you mean and to me who has been watching you a bit since the beginning of this relationship, it is clear that things are natural between you. Although I am curious about one thing."

"Which one?" Mobius prepared himself.

"How will you manage living together, as you both have your single habits, not to mention your lifestyles which were rather... different".

This question kept going round and round in Mobius' head. He was ready to compromise, but he wasn't going to change who he was either. With the personalities they both had, it might seem insurmountable from the outside, but Mobius had a deep conviction that it could work.

"I guess we'll see as we go along," he replied confidently.

"You know where to find me if you need to talk."

The friendship he had formed with HB, was one of the surprises that had come with Loki's arrival in his life.

Before they were just colleagues who worked well together and had the same dedication to the TVA and now having shared the same experience of losing everything, a real friendship was born.

"Thank you. But let's stop talking about me, how's it going with the new recruits and training?"

The TVA, purged of old influences, had returned to its primary function: to monitor realities across the multiverse and attempt to reduce temporal interference as much as possible. Mobius was the leader. Loki, Hunter B-15, now HB and other agents formed the core team.

They had completely restructured the organization, recruitment and training.

"Well, there are several young recruits who are promising, and I must say Mobius, that Loki is not only a very good teacher but also very well liked."Loki had volunteered on his own to handle the training of the newbies on the field.

Mobius, however, was not surprised at his success. As he had told LOki in the early days, he could be anyone he wanted.

Once HB left, the afternoon passed without surprise for Mobius, who was eager to get home. He found it hard to concentrate, looking forward to the changes that were coming.

**********

Loki was waiting in Mobius' living room when Mobius returned home.

"Mobius!" he exclaimed happily as he stood up and walked over to Mobius to kiss him. Mobius thought he wouldn't mind this kind of action if it became part of their routine in the future.

As is often the case when they haven't seen each other in a while, things heated up quickly between them and they were both panting when they parted.

"How was your day? HB told me she told you about my work? Is everything okay?"

That, too, was something nice -even if he found it annoying at first, this talkie-talkie thing, this incessant stream of words from Loki. He had realized that Loki's questions were always sincere, his lover expected answers and never asked them out of politeness.

"A lot of paperwork as you can imagine, I miss working in the field, fortunately once this is over I will be able to accompany you again and see the excellent work you provide with my eyes, if I believe what HB told me", Mobius said quietly while pushing aside a strand of Loki's hair that was falling on his forehead. "What about you? How was your lunch with Casey?"

Another unexpected relationship, for who knew Loki. He had formed a bond with Casey, an ordinary administrative employee. Loki had told Mobius that it was nice to have a friend whose reactions he didn't have to weigh, because Casey was spontaneous and naturally trusting.

"Fun. He's excited for us, well for me because I'm going to live with the great Mobius." Loki chuckled before continuing, "I expected the opposite, but you're his idol, I'm just the god of mischief who taught him what a fish was."

Mobius raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes, I swear." Loki smiled. "He even offered to help us move our stuff in once the apartment was ready."

Mobius shook his head. "He's really supportive."

"Absolutely," Loki smiled, "He always surprises me with his candor."

Loki pulled Mobius to the couch and sat him down. Then he lay down in his favorite position, with his head on Mobius' lap. Mobius, as always, couldn't resist the impulse to put his hand on Loki's silky black hair and began to stroke it gently. In response, Loki made a sound that closely resembled a purr.

**********

Turning his head to Mobius, Loki asked, "Are you really happy that we live together?"

"Of course Loki," Mobius murmured as he ran his hands through Loki's hair, enjoying sliding the strands between his fingers. "I am, but you know it won't necessarily be easy right?"

"Hmm." Loki nodded and smiled sheepishly. "I know I'm not easy to deal with."

"Hey Sweetheart! That's not it at all." Mobius protested. "I just think we're from two different worlds and it's going to take a little adjustment and patience."

Loki nodded.

"Besides, we're going to be together a lot. Between work and home," Mobius said.

"Yeah." Loki looked up and smiled at Mobius. "This is going to be great!"

"We'll see," Mobius said, finally realizing that it wasn't he who was afraid of being disappointed, but that he was afraid of disappointing Loki.

After a few moments of silence, he decided to put his fears aside and enjoy the moment.

"Now, have you thought about what you want for dinner?"

"No." Loki pressed himself against Mobius, "But I know what I want for dessert."

"What a coincidence," Mobius muttered as he slipped his hand under Loki's shirt, "I think we both have the same idea.

These kinds of little moments between them, these little habits, made Mobius think that maybe he didn't need to be anxious about their future shared life.

**********

A few days later, Mobius was up to his neck in paperwork and couldn't take it anymore. He threw his pen away and leaned back on his chair.

"Mobius?"

"I'm here."

When Loki entered and saw the state Mobius was in, he locked the door behind him. He walked up behind Mobius, put his arms around his neck and kissed the top of his head. Mobius leaned back even more and closed his eyes.

"It's going to be hard to keep working if you make a habit of doing this," he whispered.

Loki's hands slid over Mobius' shoulders and he began a firm massage. "How about this?"

Mobius sighed, "It's not good for concentration either... " as Loki's skilled fingers had encountered a particularly knotted muscle.

"Oh, is that so?" Loki rhythmically pressed his thumbs into the back of Mobius' neck and it felt so good that Mobius moaned, "It doesn't seem to bother you that much."

"You and your distracting hands mustn't be around too often," Mobius said, "or I'll never be able to work properly, a massage like this, on the other hand, is... effective. I didn't know you knew how to give massages." Mobius was always happy to learn new things about Loki.

At Loki's silence, Mobius turned his head and was surprised by the sad expression on his face.

"Loki?"

"Um... this is something my mom used to do for me and my brother..."

"Oh Loki... I'm sorry." Mobius reached for the hand that had remained on his shoulder and squeezed it.

"I miss her..."

"I know, sweetheart, believe me, I know." replied Mobius gently.

After a moment of silence, Loki kissed Mobius' head again, "Sorry, I didn't mean to distract you. It's just so nice and strange to have you just a few steps away from me all the time."

"Why strange?" Mobius turned in his chair to look at him.

Loki shrugged, "I usually store all the things I want to tell you later in my memory, but now that we're in our new home, and we both work together a lot, I feel like I have access to you all the time and it's..."

"Different."

"Yeah. And tempting. And distracting." Loki licked his lips. "I want to see you all the time, not just talk to you, if you know what I mean..."

"Yes, I know exactly what you mean" Mobius cleared his throat, fighting the mental images that Loki's words evoked. "However, I think we're going to have to set some rules, no matter how nice it is, we're both still at work."

Loki nodded, "Yes, we really should, if only for my sanity." He bit his lower lip, and when Mobius saw him do it, he thought that it wasn't just for Loki's sanity that some rules had to be set.

"Maybe later, if you want Mobius? Or tomorrow?"

"Why tomorrow?" Mobius raised an eyebrow. "Why not now?"

Loki smiled "Because I'm excited now, and you're tired of paperwork and I think you need a good distraction."

Mobius rolled his eyes "You're insatiable."

Loki pretended to walk away, saying, "I can leave, I wouldn't want to distract you from your duty..."

Mobius grabbed him and pulled him against him. "You think you can light a flame and not blow it out?!"

"And what about rules and work?" asked Loki, raising an eyebrow.

"That can wait until tomorrow." replied Mobius, pulling Loki's head to his and silencing him in the most effective way he knew how.

**********

For some time, Mobius had been catching scrutinizing glances from the recruits, some even giggling after running into him.

"I feel like they're staring at me," Mobius said one night as he sat on the couch with Loki in their usual position.

"You can't blame them for being curious. After all, the God of mischief and the famous Agent Mobius, we're legends. And also... um... I may have been showing off a bit for a moment or two about your... prowess. Nothing graphic, just little details," he hastened to add when Mobius' mouth opened.

"Little details," Mobius repeated.

"Oh, but nothing, just that I'm satisfied, that's all."

Hiding his face in his hands, Mobius groaned, "Loki, tell me you didn't discuss our sex life in front of your students!".

"Uh... you want me to lie?"

"Loki!"

"Mobius, people think I'm not mature enough for you. That you're too serious and I'm not enough, that you have more integrity and I don't. Personally, I don't care what other people think. But I want people to know that you are as good to me as I am to you."

"And that requires you to tell them the intimate details of our sex lives..." Mobius mumbled.

"No, no, you don't understand," Loki said, clearly struggling to express himself. "I tell them little things that humanize us. That you like my cooking, that you like jet skiing, that I think you're sexy in the morning when you wake up, nothing too intimate..."

"Only in the morning when you wake up?!"

Count on Mobius to have kept only this part of Loki's answer.

"Even sexier than usual."

"Aaaah, that's the reason for these morning quickies," Mobius replied.

"You don't like it?"

"That's not the point, Loki."

"I know what the point is. The point is, I just want people to know the real you. Let them see you the way I see you."

"And for that, you have to tell them we screw every morning?"

"It was just one time, and it was Casey's fault. He said he didn't picture you as a sex beast."

"It gets better and better."

"Mobiuuuuus. I didn't say anything more than what I just told you, I promised! Now they know why we're perfect together."

"Because I give you satisfying orgasms when I'm barely awake."

"Because you're brilliant, and caring, and yes, incredibly sexy."

Lifting Mobius' hand to his lips, Loki kissed his fingertips and whispered, "And because I love you."

Just like that, Mobius' irritation disappeared. He took Loki's face in his hands and ran his thumb over his lower lip. "And I feel the same way. But Loki, I also wish you wouldn't talk too much about our intimacy, even with your closest friends."

Loki replied with his most mischievous smile, "You think I want to tell them how perfectly your lips fit my mmph."

Mobius had just closed Loki's mouth with a kiss and after that, Loki wasn't articulate enough to list Mobius' bedroom qualities and Mobius unapologetically left his book aside.

After all, it was important that he lived up to his reputation.

**********

"You're looking fine, Mobius. I guess everything is okay with you and Loki? I feel like the cohabitation is going great," HB said as she walked into his office.

Nodding his head, Mobius couldn't help but smirk, "Everything is going very smoothly, yes."

"Clearly." HB smiled. "You look... satisfied."

Mobius' eyes narrowed.

"However, given the bags under your eyes, may I recommend that you rest tonight?"

Mobius widened his smile. "I'm sure I'll rest... someday, even if it's not tonight. As I told you before, Loki can be... enthusiastic, and we're enjoying a bit of a second honeymoon right now."

Chuckling, HB shook his head. "And like I said, enjoy the moment. Even the enthusiasm of youth is wearing off."

"Indeed, it is." He paused before continuing, "Do you need anything?"

"Do I need a reason to visit a friend?" asks HB.

"No, of course not. I even enjoy our little early week dates. You know I like talking with you. After all, you and I have pretty much the same background. We've done well."

HB nodded, "Yes. You're right, but I admit I also stopped by because I need you to validate the latest new recruit evaluations."

Mobius chuckled, "I'll look at those afterwards, and send them to you when I'm done."

"Take your time, you can return them to me next week.

They chatted about various things, then HB got up to leave.

"I'm going to start reading these evaluations, unless my insatiable partner decides to show up...I'd hate to disappoint him you know...."

HB shook his head. "Lovely. And since I'll see you Monday to pick them up, You can give me all the details then. Don't let him tire you out too much!"

"That' s not up to me..." Mobius said, and smiling he pulled the first evaluation toward him. He raised his head and looked at the door, aware of a presence in the room.

Loki, standing in the doorway, was grinning from ear to ear.

"Aha! So it's not just me. You do it too!"

Mobius raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Reaching up to him, Loki touched Mobius' chest with his index finger.

"You also tell your friends intimate details about our relationship!"

"I certainly don't."

"Oh, I think you do. I just heard HB teasing you about my 'youthful enthusiasm' and telling you to rest because you look tired." Loki's eyes danced with joy.

"I-" Mobius sighed, "Okay, I guess I told her a couple of things about our life together - Hmph!"

Loki threw his arms around Mobius and kissed him deeply. Mobius, surprised at first, put his hand on his cheek, answered the kiss with the same passion, carding his fingers in Loki's hair. Once things calmed down, they parted, breathless.

"What was that for?" asked Mobius, tucking a strand of hair behind Loki's ear in a gesture so familiar now.

"You're talking about me to people, bragging about me." Loki's eyes glowed. "That means you're proud to be with me."

Mobius blinked. "Of course I am. How can you doubt it?"

Loki pressed another kiss to Mobius' mouth. "You can be quite a hard man to read sometimes."

"Not at all," Mobius whispered, as he gently patted Loki's butt. "I'm an open book."

"You are..." laughing, Loki rolled his eyes. "You're not at all." His expression softened as he looked Mobius in the eye. "But I think I can read you."

"You're the only one who can do it," Mobius acknowledged softly.

He wondered how long it would take Loki to see in his eyes the infinite love he had for him, and if he would be able to surprise him with the ring he had in his pocket.

________

Whole series of one shot here : Together, for all time, always

As always, bear with me as it is not beta'd I hope you enjoyed it 🥰

[thefanficmonster]

Just a little something I wrote earlier while I was out! I might turn this into a mini comic, actually, if my schedule ever clears a little.

Hope you like it, Vy! 💙

𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 | re8 songfic

Pairing :: Ethan Winters x Mia Winters

Warnings :: RE8 Ending Spoilers, Death

Song :: I Hear a Symphony by Cody Fry

𝑰 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒂 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈

A wheeze left my mouth as I struggle to breath, my limbs trembling as I watch my hand turn darker and fastly decaying. I was starting to lose the feeling in my limbs, slowly turning more and more numb by the minute. Every slight move of my arms and fingers were becoming a chore, with a dose of pain with every twitch. My left arm was exploding with pain as I stubbornly try and keep my hold of Rose as steady as I can.

Not yet... Not yet... Rose isn't safe here... I can't...

I fell to my knees as soon as I tried to step away, another wheeze escaping my trembling lips at the pain from my knees. Luckily, I was able to keep my hold of Rose. I wouldn't forgive myself if she gets hurt because of me, I already failed once and I am not keen on ever doing failing her again. I already lost Mia, I'm not losing Rose too!

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈

I slumped on my place, unable to move as I focus all the strength left in my body to keep Rose close to me. My right hand's completely gone, turned nothing but moldy ash on the floor. Mold.. That's what I am, aren't I? A man long dead and decaying, supposedly died 3 years ago and now death has caught with me. My grip on Rose gebtly tighthened. Not yet. Not yet. Rose isn't safe yet. I can't give up yet, my daughter needs me-

"Ethan! Ethan!"

Now that's a voice I never thought will bring comfort to me, not after what happened at my home. Granted that wasn't really Mia like I had foolishly thought but the sting of betrayal, of losing a love one still burns. What he did was still fresh in my mind even after through everything I just went through. There's hope, we can still be saved! We–

I caught sight of my right hand as Chris helps me to stand up and starts limping our way out of the destroyed place. We're moving too slow...

Rose can still be saved...

𝑵𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒏𝒆𝒘

I am so sorry, Rose...

I looked down as I walk towards the source all this bullshit happening, left hand gently holding the trigger. I can't use it yet, Chris is still nearby with Rose.

Even though I am facing down this beast, I felt happy that Chris didn't bother to convince me to come with him. Felt happy that he chose to run away with Rose and get her to safety as soon as possible.

It was hard, and extremely painful, but I managed to look up and glare at it. I examined it, it was grotesque and disgusting. Letting out one last useless and quiet apology to the two most important people of my life, I pulled the trigger.

I am so sorry, Mia...

𝑰 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

A gasp left my mouth as I hastily sat up, a hand coming up to clutch my chest, a poor attempt to try and calm my fast beating heart. I can feel cold sweat dripping down my forehead as I open my eyes and surveyed where I was. Wasn't I in the ruined village? Where am I? Where's Rose–

"Daddy?"

Startled by the small voice, a yelp left me as I quickly look at the little head poking in from the doorway. Her long blonde hair was messy and her eyes were dazed, like she just woke up. The kid fully stepped inside, tiredly rubbing her eyes as she yawns. She sleepily blinks at me before giving me a bright smile.

It pulled away every bit of fear in my body, making way to relief and immense joy. I opened my arms and laughed as Rose immediately jumped on the bed and crawled straight into my arms.

"Do you want to sleep with us tonight, sweetie?" I asked, to which she answered with a nod and another yawn. I gently placed her on the bed beside me and settled back down with her, my arm coming up to gently cradle her close to my chest. I settled my other arm below my pillow, accidentally disturbing the person sleeping on the other side.

As Mia tiredly opened her eyes, I moved my arm to gently caress her cheek, moving a strand of hair out of her face. Still as beautiful as ever, even when she just woke up. A smile creeped its way back to my face that she returned with a much more sleepy one.

"Go back to sleep, Mia, Rose just wanted to join us tonight" I explained, gesturing to the already slumbering girl between us. She let out a huff, probably would've been a laugh had she not been so tired these days. Was she like this as well back when she was pregnant with Rose? It's been so long, I couldn't recall properly.

She scooted closer to us, well, as close as her 8 months big pregnant stomach would let her. I gently pet her hair, lulling her back to sleep. I smiled one last time, gazing at the two, and soon to be three, most important people of my life. To think that I could've lost all of this if it wasn't for Chris and his team.. I don't know they did it, brought me back to life even after I've been in the explosion that killed that thing. They wouldn't tell me, confidential reasons they say.

I sighed as I get back to my position. It didn't matter how they brought me back, I am here now. With my family, safe and sound. And if someone tries to hurt my family again?

I'll make sure they'll pay for it.

This is my first time writing for this fandom so I hope I didn't butcher the characters!

Tell me what you think, I'd love to hear from you 💙💙

Vy Speaking

Just kidding, she's crying, sobbing like a baby at 9 AM in the morning, having just read the most beautiful story of Ethan, Mia and Rose - and their soon to make its way into the world baby. Hun, you could've given me a heads up, I would've equipped tissues 😭

This is PURE ART and nothing less. I loved everything about it, every single word.

Thank you for giving me, the fandom, and Ethan the ending that we all deserved.

~ XOXO, Vy 💌

[padfootagain]

A Very Rose Mistake (III)

Part 3 : How You Told Your Parents

 Here we go with a new chapter! I know that today is Golden day as the music video dropped this afternoon, but I had planned to post the chapter, so let's go anyway! It just means more Harry for today, and who can pretend like there is something like too much Harry? Certainly not me!

So here is another cute and light-hearted chapter! I hope you all like it! No warnings of any kind!

Please, tell me what you think of this new chapter!

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count : 3535

                                                              I

                                              Holmes Chapel, 2003

 "HAAAA!"

"HARRY SLOW DOWN!"

"I CAN'T!"

"WE'RE GONNA CRASH!"

"WE'RE GONNA CRASH!"

The next second you were disappearing into a pile of fresh snow.

You shuffled away from the sledge and out of the snow to stand on your feet again. You looked for your best friend in the messy white powder, but couldn't see him anywhere.

"Harry?" You called. "It's not funny! Come on, we need to bring it back up the hill. We need to move out of the way or Gemma is gonna crash into us!"

But you were met with silence, and started to be properly worried.

Was he hurt? He could have hit his head on something... what if he had broken one of his bones!? Your friend Daniel had broken his arm a few months before and he had spent weeks wearing this cast around his arm. It seemed very serious. What if Harry was hurt and would need one of these too?

"Harry? You're okay? Come out now, it's not funny!"

And then something coming out of the snow was grabbing your ankle, and you cried, jumping away in fear.

You would have recognized this ridiculous laugh anywhere.

"HARRY!"

He finally crawled fully out of the snow, laughing so hard he had to hold onto his painful belly.

"You scared me! It's not funny!" You protested.

"You should have seen your face!" He replied between hiccups, unable to stand for now because of how much he was still laughing. "And you shouted so loud!"

He doubled in laughter, and you noticed how his lisp was coming back as he wasn't making a conscious effort to repress it. You thought it was rather cute. And Harry's laugh was contagious. These were the only reasons why you were smiling then, because you were still mad at him for playing this trick on you.

"You're so annoying!" You shook your head, crossing your arms before your chest.

"Oh come on! Even you have to admit it was funny!" He replied, eventually calming down a little more.

"Not one bit!"

"It was. It was hilarious. Didn't know you could jump so far!"

You huffed, offended. No matter if you were still little, from the top of your nine-year-old self, you still turned away from him and pretended to refuse to acknowledge his presence.

Instead, you leaned down, as if to tie your shoes.

"Y/N... are you really mad?"

This time his tone was a little more uncertain. After all, if there was one thing that he hated, it was seeing you sad or upset. And especially so when it was because of him.

"Don't be mad! It was just a joke!" He went on, this time being the one who sounded annoyed, when in reality he was more worried than anything else.

But instead of hearing your reply, he was hit straight in the face with a snowball, while it was your turn to be laughing at him.

He chased away the snow dripping over his face with his gloved hand, a mischievous smile appearing on his features as he did so.

"Oh... are you sure you want to play it like that?" He asked, quirking up an eyebrow.

You let out a giggle, shrugging.

"You're the one who started it!"

"Alright, then!" When you saw him bending to scoop some snow in his palm, you let out a shriek and ran off towards the nearby tree where your mother and Anne were keeping an eye on all of you, chatting and trying to stay warm in the cold weather while you played.

"HAAAA! HELP ME! I'M BEING ATTACKED!" You dramatically called the parents, while Harry ran after you.

You got protection by hiding behind your mum, gripping at her long coat, making her laugh.

"Alright, alright! Calm down you two!"

While Gemma was sliding down the hill over the outskirts of Holmes Chapel, laughing on her sledge, Harry was trying to aim at you but you kept on running around the adults. Until he took his shot and hit you on the knee, the cold sensation making you cry through your laughter.

"Alright, calm down! Both of you!" Anne tried to admonish, but she was laughing as well at how silly you and Harry were.

As Gemma was joining the group pulling her sledge behind her, you and Harry were lost in an intense battle, your mothers sometimes getting caught in the crossfire.

"Gemma! Help! Team up with me!" You called while Harry was managing to grab your arm and shove some snow in the space between your scarf and neck, making you shriek.

And the older girl didn't need to be asked twice. Soon enough, both Gemma and you were chasing after Harry, who was now the one hiding behind the two mothers.

"Mum! Help! It's not even fair! They're two against one!"

"It's true that two against one is hardly fair," she agreed through her giggles.

"Then help!"

As she got caught in the crossfire again, Anne gave in and started to participate to the fight too. When she accidentally hit your mum right in the face, she also joined in. And then there were no teams, just three children and two mothers having a snowball fight and laughing too much for their stomachs.

Later that afternoon, you got home to change into dry clothes and get a warm and well-deserved hot cocoa at your place. You reckoned that the last thing you would need to make the day perfect was building a snowman, so you teamed up with Harry to build one in his backyard and make it as big as you could.

"We need eyes for him!" You noticed with horror that he was still missing those as you wrapped your scarf around the snowman's neck.

You had used a little twig for its nose, and Harry had found pebbles for its smile, but you just had the best idea.

"I know! Hold on!"

You ran off to your house and Harry patiently waited for you, placing his beanie on the snowman's head.

When you reappeared, you had two green marbles in your hand, that you planted in the snow to give your new friend eyes.

"It looks nice!" Harry agreed with a professional nod.

"Like that, he has the same eyes as you do!" You told him with a grin, and Harry wasn't sure why he was blushing, but he was.

"I like it," he nodded.

Your mother called for you, and you had to part with Harry for the rest of the holidays as you would both be travelling to see your families during the rest of the break.

"Today was so much fun!" You smiled.

"Yeah! The best!"

"I can't believe we're leaving tomorrow to go to my grandparents' for Christmas," you sighed with a sad pout.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"But you'll spend tons of time with your dad! It's gonna be great!"

Harry shrugged, clearly saddened now.

"Still gonna miss you. It's not as fun when you're not around."

You hugged him, promising to tell him everything that had happened during the holidays when you would be back.

"I'll get your scarf and your marbles once the snow has melted. No worries!" He promised, and you gave him a smile again, but this one was a little shy.

"You can keep the marbles if you want. They really do look like your eyes. Feels like they should be yours."

"You sure?"

You nodded, walking backwards towards your house, and waving at him.

"Merry Christmas, Harry!"

He waved back at you, laughing, even though he wasn't so sure why. He guessed it was just because of you.

"Merry Christmas, Y/N!"

                                                           II

                                            Loch Lomond, 2020

 Seeing your parents in the large hall, you suddenly weren't so sure if this whole ordeal was a good idea or the worst piece of madness that had ever flashed into your brain. But you were leaning towards the second option as you stepped in the room.

You took in deep breaths, and tried to calm down. One quick glance at Harry told you that he was just as nervous as you were.

For a moment though, all your fears vanished as your mother spotted you, her lips breaking in a bright grin, and she moved away from her spot by the window, abandoning the gorgeous view in favour of hugging you tight.

"I've missed you so much, my baby!" she squealed, hugging you so tight you could barely breathe, but the gesture only made you cackle, and you hugged her with the same urgency.

"It's so good to see you, mum!"

"You live way too far away! When are you coming back home?"

"After my PhD, promise."

"You'd better. Cause I'm tired of being alone dealing with your father."

"I heard that!" your father complained, and both you and your mother laughed at him, before you would break the embrace to hug your dad instead.

"Your mother is right though, we've missed you," he told you, kissing your cheek.

Your mum only then seemed to notice that Harry was standing a few steps away, unwilling to disturb your reunion.

"Harry!" she exclaimed, hugging him just as tightly as she had done you. "I didn't know you were invited to the wedding too! I mean… of course Cassie knows you, but she wanted a small venue and very few guests…"

"Uhm… No, I… I wasn't invited. I came with Y/N."

She blinked a couple of times at him, her expression blank, before realization glowed across her features.

But… not realization of what was actually happening…

"Oh, she asked you as her plus one! But why? I mean… it's just our family, you wouldn't have been alone, Y/N! There was no need to bring a friend along!"

Harry and you exchanged a glance, as you freed yourself from your father's embrace.

"No, actually… uhm… we're…" Harry began but fell silent as your father slowly turned to him.

"You're what?" your mother asked, completely lost.

"We're together," you announced as fast as your lips would allow. "He came as my boyfriend."

Harry offered your parents a bright smile.

"Together? What… what do you mean 'together'?" your mother stuttered upon her words.

"I mean that… he's my boyfriend now. Not… just a friend."

Her glance travelled back and forth between the two of you, and you were certain to have broken her brain by now.

It seemed impossible for her to process the news.

"So… you two are a couple?" your father asked, turning fully to Harry, who nodded in response.

"It's quite new," the young man explained. "We just… realized that we both wanted to try to take our relationship a step further."

"I see…"

Your father finally offered Harry his hand to shake, which your best friend hurried to take. You noticed the wince that distorted his features though, as your father crushed his fingers.

"We're going to need to have a talk, young man."

"Yes, sir."

"Dad!" you admonished, pulling him away from your frightened friend, who seemed terrified by now. "Stop it! What are you doing? It's just Harry!"

"Yes… it's Harry. Harry who used to spend entire nights in a sleeping bag in your bedroom when the two of you were children!"

He turned towards your fake boyfriend, waving a threatening finger at him.

"If you think I've forgotten about that day you closed her door when the two of you were 14…"

"No, I promise you, nothing happened!" Harry defended himself, absolutely terrified by now as he took a step back. "We… nothing happened for years, it's only been a few months, and nothing had ever happened before that. You have my word."

Your father huffed, not buying it, despite your friend's words being the truth.

"Oh come on, honey!" your mother forced her husband to calm down. "Y/N's right, it's just Harry. We know he's a respectable young man. So quit the tough act, would you?"

Your dad still mumbled something unintelligible under his breath, but your mum was shaking her head, amused.

"Ha… we knew it would happen eventually," she affectionately patted Harry's shoulder. "And if I'm being honest… it took you long enough!"

"Darling!" it was your father's turn to admonish your mother.

"What? I'm perfectly right, don't play innocent! By the way, who made the first move?"

You looked at each other… you… hadn't really discussed that…

"Well… uhm… I… did?" Harry answered with much hesitation.

"I mean, we were a little… inebriated," you started to explain, but your father quickly interrupted you, glaring at your 'boyfriend', and if a glance could have killed, Harry would have been violently murdered there and then.

"Inebriated?! What happened?!" he snapped, but Harry raised his hands in a soothing gesture.

"Nothing happened between us, don't worry. I would never do that!" he replied, a little offended that your father would think him able to do something like this. "We just… confessed things we wouldn't have discussed while sobber."

"I swear to God, son… if anything happened between you and my baby girl while she was drunk…"

"No, dad, nothing happened! Relax, would you! And even if something had happened, trust me, I would have been wholeheartedly all for it!"

"Really?" Harry asked with surprise, clearly slipping out of his acting role, and it was your turn to glower at him in response. He caught your idea quickly, but you were the one to speak first again anyway.

"Look, we just… realized that we both… wanted to take our friendship to the next level. We went on a couple of real dates, and here we are!"

"Yes, but who made the first move," your mother asked again. "Who kissed who first? Who confessed first?"

"I did," you both answered at the same time, sharing a panicked glance.

This whole thing was a disaster and was just getting worse and worse by the second…

"I mean… I… confessed first," Harry clarified, but his tone was a little too hesitant as he kept on staring at you, waiting for validation, and you gave him a small nod. "And she… she initiated the first… physical… contact…"

"Physical contact?!" your father interjected, and your friend was burying his face in his hands in embarrassment this time.

"No, I mean… she kissed me first. I meant kissing, just kissing."

"Look, dad, please, stop being like that!"

"Oh, so… now I can't take care of my daughter anymore?"

"It's Harry!" you replied. "Can't you trust him?!"

"When it comes to you, I don't trust nobody. And he's lucky we're not alone in this room," he replied between his gritted teeth, making you roll your eyes, and Harry lost all traces of colours all over his face, going as white as sheets.

"Look, you know I would never do anything to hurt Y/N…"

"Son, for your own good, you should stop talking now."

"Yes, sir."

"So… Harry made the first move, in a way," your mother considered your story.

"I guess, yeah. Why?"

Your mother beamed at you.

"Well, that means Anne owes me a 20!"

"What?"

"I was sure Harry would make the first move, but Anne has always thought that he would be too slow with his emotions and you would be the clever one to figure it all out first. So, I've just earned 20 pounds!"

"You… bet with my mum about Y/N and I getting together?" your fake-boyfriend asked in confusion.

"The bet has been on since you were both 14, sweetie!" your mother laughed, making your father roll his eyes. "It sure took both of you long enough to realize that you love each other! We've known for over a decade."

Both you and your best friend exchanged a confused look.

Were your two mothers… rooting for you… being… a couple?

"What?!" you both exclaimed at the same time.

But your mother merely let out a chuckle, pinching both your and Harry's cheeks.

"It's about time that the two of you finally come to your senses! I need to call Anne and tell her the news!"

You both stared at each other with wide eyes, panicked once more.

"No, please," Harry stopped you as your mother reached for her phone. "I… I haven't told her yet, and I'd like to be the one to tell her. I… it's important to me."

Your mum gave him a disappointed pout, but obliged nonetheless.

"Alright. But tell her I haven't forgotten about our bet and she owes me 20 pounds!"

"I will. Promise."

You were interrupted though, by your grandmother entering the hall and calling for you. And both you and Harry welcomed the chance to escape your parents.

"Gran! How are you doing?"

"I'm so happy to see you, darling," the old woman gave you a warm hug. "It's been too long."

"Me too, gran!"

"I'm relieved you could come for your cousin's wedding! I was afraid you wouldn't get a flight. Or wouldn't take the time to come."

"Of course, I came! It's Cassie's wedding!"

"You're spending too much time working…"

"Gran," you tried to interrupt her, your voice full of warning.

"You are forgetting everything else in your life. Including your love life, even though it's important!"

"Gran…"

You had barely said hello, and she was already diving in this topic.

"You know, I'm sure there will be some lovely young men at the reception…"

"Gran!"

"I'm just saying that weddings are the perfect place to meet new people."

"Well, I don't need to meet new people, because I came with my boyfriend!"

Her eyes grew round, and yet a smile formed on her lips.

And you were reminded all too well why you had asked Harry to come in the first place. Some members of your family really weren't interested in anything but your love life…

You silently asked Harry to come closer, and he approached the two of you with a shy smile.

"Hi!"

"Do you remember my friend Harry?"

She gave both of you a suspicious look.

"I do. You lived next door. Always the mischievous type!"

He chuckled, shrugging.

"I was a child, for my defence."

"So you two are together? Or you just came as a friend?"

"No, we're together," you answered, standing a little closer to him.

But she didn't seem convinced.

"If you say so…" she mumbled under her breath. "And is it anything serious?"

"Yeah, it is," Harry nodded with a smile, but again, your grandmother looked at him with eyes full of doubts.

It was hard to tell if she was unsure of your taste in men, or if she doubted that the two of you were together at all. All the same, she didn't seem so happy about the news.

She was distracted by your mother behind you, and you released a shaky breath as she walked away.

"We're not doing so good, are we?" Harry asked even if he knew the answer to his question already, in a shushed whisper that would allow no one else but you to hear his concerned words. "We haven't even talked to five people yet, and one of them doesn't seem to believe us, and another wants to murder me."

"Well, perhaps if you weren't acting so stiff around me, they would be more convinced!" you snapped back at him under your breath.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not acting like you're my boyfriend at all, Harry!"

"I am doing my best! What would you have me do?"

"Touch me? At least a little bit. I don't know, hold my hand or touch my back, or whatever."

"Well, you could do the same, babe."

You gave him a fake smile, before wrapping your arm around his waist.

"I am."

He threw a scared glance at your parents, and indeed, caught your father glowering at him, and he moved away from your touch as a consequence.

"Well, I'm sorry to be a little 'stiff' when your father looks at me like that! Besides, PDAs aren't my thing, in case you didn't know."

You rolled your eyes at him.

"My dad won't do anything, you know him. A lot of talks, but in the end, he's a teddy bear."

Harry heaved a sigh in response, and took another look at your family. They seemed lost in conversation, and judging by the glances they threw at the two of you, Harry guessed that your new relationship ought to be the main subject of gossips.

"Maybe you're right though."

He reached for your hand, and you were surprised that his gesture was slow, a little shy. His cheeks were flushed and he turned away from your family so they wouldn't notice his burning skin. You intertwined your fingers together, standing a little closer to him.

"You don't have to, if it makes you uncomfortable," you reassured him.

"No, it's… it's nice, actually."

"What is?"

A smile appeared on his lips, but he didn't look at you. Instead, he watched as your aunt and uncle entered the room, bracing himself for the next introduction. His smile didn't falter though as he whispered his next words.

"Holding your hand. It's nice… holding your hand."

**************************************************************

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[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #6: August 13, 2021

Okay, okay, I know it's a couples days later, but I can assure you that I did not forget; I purposefully, and kinda without a better option, didn't post on Friday, and you'll see why.

So the day started off pretty regularly: I got up, ate breakfast, got a shower, and then sat around playing games and watching YouTube for a bit.

That was until my friend showed up at my house...

He called me and said to come outside, so I did.

It wasn't long until I got into his car, and we started driving.

I definitely should have been more anxious or nervous heading out, but for some reason, I just sat there with my head absentmindedly poking out the window, not really thinking about it.

I really wish I had grasped the situation a little better.

We got down there after an hour and a half of driving and we parked a bit away because there were so many people there, so many people there, in fact, that we just got some food until it calmed down again.

It was gonna be a great fucking concert.

Hella Mega Tour 2021, originally supposed to be Hella Mega Tour 2020, but postponed for obvious reasons.

We shopped for a tiny bit beforehand, not buying anything, and then headed over to the stadium 45 minutes before the concert was set to start. We were let in about 10 minutes later, and we filled our contraband water bottles that we managed to hide on the way in.

We sat there for a bit, me just listening to music on my Redmi Buds 3 pro.

I love these things.

Pretty soon the music started, and it was The Interrupters; everyone was feeling pretty lazy for this bit.

It's not like they were bad or anything, they were actually pretty good, but I guess everyone was just getting situated and didn't wanna bother using up all of their energy lol.

So The Interrupters' set is up, and they tear down the stage and reset it. Before too terribly long, Weezer starts up, and there's a lot bigger reaction from the crowd than there was before: people knew the songs, like Africa, Buddy Holly, Beverly Hills, and Feels Like Summer to name a few.

I was getting into it a bit, I knew a good few of the songs, I was moving along, I sang a bit, took some video.

What's cool is that I could feel myself moving along the scale, like going from no excitement while no one was playing, then tapping my foot and grooving to The Interrupters.

When Weezer first came on, I was just sitting there like, "alright, this is good shit." Towards the end, I was quietly singing Buddy Holly, their last song for the night.

I say quietly because there was a lot more loudness to come.

I should add that, up until this point, the music had been kinda unbearably loud, the highs really piercing and hitting hard.

Additionally, up until this point, I had been trying my best to document the concert with videos and audio recordings; it wasn't so much about enjoying the concert, for I've always been taught just to record stuff and not worry about the concert.

I don't think I've ever really enjoyed any of the concerts I've ever been to; I was there, but I wasn't. I didn't really know too many of the songs, and I had only listened to the artists in passing, not to mention the fact that my mother had been at every other concert I've been to, which is stifling in itself. I really can't enjoy anything when she's around.

But here we were; it was starting to get dark, and Fall out Boy was coming onstage. The crowd was getting into it with Weezer, and it was time for Fall Out Boy. The energy here had far exceeded both Weezer and The Interrupters, and this went for me as well.

I was sitting there, singing along and still occasionally recording, but I didn't have my phone out too much. I started to dance in my seat with every song, for I knew almost every one: Sugar, We're Going Down, Centuries, My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark, Grand Theft Autumn/Where is Your Boy, The Last of the Real Ones, Save Rock And Roll, and Dance, Dance being a few.

Throughout this set, everyone was singing along, but the real fun had yet to begin; the scent of smoke from the flames and fireworks finding its way through the crowd, the music now strong instead of piercing, a sense of unity between everyone in this packed stadium, between people of all walks of life: men, women, children, transgender, cisgender, non-binary, gay, straight, lesbian, ace, black, white, Asian, Mexican, young, old, middle-aged, and everything in between and outside... It didn't matter who you were or where you came from; you were at a fucking party, and everyone was gonna fuck it up once the main act came on stage.

Meanwhile, everyone was more than happy to celebrate with Fall Out Boy and some of their greatest and most memorable tracks.

Part way through Fall Out Boy's set, I decided to get off of my ass and join the growing number of audience members who were really getting into the groove and feeling the music.

It was so close to becoming an explosion of energy once Fall Out Boy was about to leave the stage.

After they left, the set was torn down once again and set up for Green Day.

Their was a low mix of music playing through the speakers all the while things were being set up. Once the stage was set, the music continued for a bit, but was then cut and replaced with a voice and lyrics that everyone knew immediately.

"Is this the real life. Is this just fantasy."

The crowd sings along to every word.

"Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality."

Freddie's voice poured out into the crowd, and the crowd sang them right back.

"Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see"

The song continued, and the whole crowd sang to the very end.

This really goes to show how impactful some people and groups can be on our lives... Although no one at the show was connected to Queen or Freddie Mercury, everyone who came to see these 4 bands still knew this great group.

Once the song was over, a mix of some of the most famous rock anthems began to play:

"We will, we will rock you"

"I love rock and roll"

"Hey, Ho, let's go"

A glorious piece all lead up to the 4 running onstage, Billie Joe Armstrong, Jason White, Mike Dirnt, and Tre Cool, joined now by 2 new members, Jason Freese and Kevin Preston.

All at once, it was an explosion of strong and passionate guitar jamming, soon followed by the drums and vocals of American Idiot. All at once, the crowd was rocking along with bopping heads, stomping feet, and swaying bodies. I only had my phone out to record for a short moment before I put it away and scarcely removed it from my pants for the rest of the concert.

I couldn't help but feel cocky, as a bi/pansexual (idk which one lmao), being allowed to sing the line,

"Well maybe I'm the faggot America"

I was like, "You straight bastards better not be singing that line 🤣"

It was absolutely incredible; the crowd cheered passionately and wholeheartedly at the end of every song and solo, after every quote from the band.

The coolest part about the concert was the fact that everyone just lost themselves in the music, as well as that everyone, without hesitation, followed what Billie Joe said. He says jump? WE FUCKING JUMPED. He tells us to scream? We. Fucking. Screamed. And when he wanted us to sing, we sang. I mean, okay, we were singing the whole time xD. I'm sure we would've sang if he told us to and we weren't already doing so lmao. What he said was our law, and we were doing our jobs as the dutiful citizens of Suburbia by following those laws.

It really is hard to express the level of pure energy at this gathering, especially when it radiates from every point in the packed stadium.

I screamed so loud and hard, and sang so long and passionately, that my voice started to go. But. Guess. What.

When you're at a place like this, no matter what, you just have this insatiable urge to keep going no matter what. When my arm got tired of throwing my fist in the air, I kept fucking going and even used the other arm too.

It's such a strange feeling when you feel like you're about to give out, like your voice is gonna break, or you're gonna collapse from dehydration and exhaustion, but you find around you the strength and power to keep on going, no matter how quickly your vocal health deteriorates.

Ask my friend, I couldn't speak properly after that shit xD. He even threatened to send a video of me talking to my choral teacher, who honestly would have been mad at me lmao.

Meanwhile, Green Day is playing some of their greatest hits, old and new alike, and I knew every single fucking one of them. I sang every song, and only took a break between 2 of them to down my whole bottle of contraband water in 3 seconds flat.

At one point, the band stopped playing, and Billie spoke into the microphone.

"Get your pretty lights out. I wanna see the pretty lights."

Everyone got their phones out and turned the torches on, as per his command.

"Turn the house lights off."

The lights go off, and the stadium is lit up almost as bright as it had been before, but this time with the lights of thousands.

"Look at that."

It was honestly an incredible moment.

That brings me to another point: when you go to a concert, you're not just paying for the music, you're not just paying to see a band, you're paying for an experience.

Let me tell you, this was one hell of an experience.

If you don't leave a concert feeling fulfilled, then the performers didn't do their job of giving you the experience that you paid to be a part of. I'm so happy that these four bands, especially Green Day, were able to deliver.

I really did love every moment of that show, which is such a rarity for me. I'm really happy that my friend took my mother's place. I can't fucking enjoy everything when she's around.

Oh yes, it wouldn't be one of my daily blogs without me talking about how my mother consistently pisses me off. Don't worry, I have some happy shit left to end on.

I swear to fluff though, she always manages to ruin everything for me. When we went to see The Lion King on Broadway, she insisted on coming with. That meant that I wasn't able to relax in my seat because this disgusting woman was sitting next to me and I had to cram myself to the side of my chair away from her. It meant that I wasn't allowed to cry when Mufasa died or during Can You Feel The Love Tonight because I knew I'd get made fun of for it.

I even went to a Fall Out Boy concert before, her refusing to let me go myself, and I didn't sing a single song because she'd just tell me to let the professionals handle it.

And for fuck's sake, the time she compared me trying to fucking validate my existence as a trans person to her wanting a car... That will always fucking piss me off.

Sorry, I got sidetracked. I was talking about how she ruins everything for me.

I literally cannot be myself around her. I've always been judged and ridiculed by my parents, and still am. I can't enjoy anything when they're around because I'm too focused on trying not to get made fun of or yelled at.

That being said, that concert was absolutely fucking incredible. I was with thousands of people who felt the same way that I did, and I could fucking jam out if I wanted to.

Apart from everyone being really on top of their game, and Billie Joe basically not aging since he turned 25, the only really notable thing left to say about the performance was when they pulled a kid guitarist onstage. He played for a bit, and they ended up letting him keep the guitar lmao.

BEST PART IS:

I SAW THE KID AFTER THE CONCERT, AND I WAS LIKE,

"Omg, hey, can I get a selfie with you?"

I was trying to be really low-key and quiet cuz I didn't wanna draw too much attention to him lmao.

The security guard was like, "Yeah, sure, but hurry up."

I TOOK THE PIC REALLY QUICKLY AND THEN HEADED OUT

HERE IT IS

YES, OF COURSE I BLOCKED OUT MY FACE

But I absolutely love the vibes of this photo xD. It's blurry, the lighting is shit, and you can barely make out any details. It has a lot of character, and I would take this over a clean, clear photo any day.

Walking away, the kid's mom said, "You're like, the coolest kid ever now."

Agreed.

Then it was time to go home. Honestly, I didn't feel sad that it didn't last longer, or disappointed that I had to leave. I was actually very satisfied and fulfilled with what happened, which is honestly the way it should be.

Driving home, I stayed awake by sticking my arm out of the window and letting the cold rain hit fast like tiny needles.

I got home.

I passed out.

Although, that was technically on Saturday 🤔

ANYWAY, THIS IS MY LONG ASS BLOG FOR FRIDAY THE 13TH

I hope you enjoyed

Be good people!!!!

-Leonna

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Savannah

Savannah: [Okay so my idea is it's literally the first day because of course it is, highkey bitches, and like they haven't had chance to talk much as they're also the kinda bitches who wanna make a good first impression on whoever they are doing this work experience for but then they get told to do something together. The thing is, Jac can't find Sav, until she does find her crying in the bathroom because it's like a few months previous so her dad hasn't left yet and things are really messy between her parents obvs she would've tried to call her boyfriend but he wouldn't answer cos he's doing work experience too so Jac comforts her and it's a #bondingmoment and I thought we could start the convo after that/ later either with Jac being like are you okay now or Sav being like I'm so embarrassed] Jac: [yes 1000% to all of that, good thinking boo] Savannah: [would you like to start it being concerned to show she's not like Mia levels of callous heartless bitch?] Jac: [on it lmao] Jac: Hi, just wanted to check in, I hope you're feeling a bit better now Jac: know we haven't particularly before, but if you do ever need to talk Jac: sometimes friends don't get it, I know Savannah: Oh god, I've never been this embarrassed in my entire life! Savannah: I don't normally do that, honestly Jac: Of course Jac: You so don't need to be, I promise Jac: it sounds like you're going through a lot right now, you did amazing keeping it together all day Savannah: Everything is getting on top of me, I swear I'd be living at my boyfriend's if not for my little sister Savannah: but when I am home I have to be strong for her so I just feel so alone there Savannah: Like, I can't even feel how I feel Jac: Everyone always puts such unfair pressure on the oldest, I'm the same Jac: but you are strong, I can tell, even if you don't feel it all the time Jac: it's strong to admit you aren't okay, and that that's okay Savannah: That's so true! Did we ask to get born first, no? Savannah: you're the sweetest, I can tell Savannah: none of my friends have even tried to make me feel better Jac: Lifetime of being a babysitter and bodyguard 🙄 Jac: People can get so wrapped up in their own 'drama' Jac: some people we go to school with have never had an actual problem in their life and it shows Jac: but like I said, you can always come to me, even if you just wanna vent everything out and not have me respond, that's totally fine Jac: you should have someone you can confide in Savannah: Sienna needs it though, she's very very shy Savannah: People would take advantage if I wasn't there Savannah: Exactly! They think not getting a text back is a crisis Savannah: don't judge me because I know how this sounds but my boyfriend has totally become my best friend since we got together Savannah: it's great & I love that but I can't offload EVERYTHING onto him Savannah: there's no way I could have a breakdown & then delete it later, you know? Jac: Mine are the total opposite of shy, but there's no telling what kind of nonsense they'd get into if I weren't there to keep them safe Jac: That makes total sense Jac: and I think its sweet, most girls don't even LIKE their boyfriends, it's so childish Jac: but you're right, you can't rely on one person for everything, it's not fair on them, but also you Savannah: Yes! 👏 Why would I spend my precious time with someone who isn't worth that? Savannah: I don't understand most of the people we go to school with, seriously Savannah: my friends are always with their boyfriends too but fighting constantly about things that are nonsense Jac: 🙌 Preach Jac: Me either, it's honestly tiring having to deal with their 'logic' Jac: I thought there was like, no one at school with their priorities straight Savannah: & if you try & say anything you get attacked, like I'm offering help Savannah: my life is falling apart here & I do not have the mental space for your negativity Jac: People don't like when you help 'cos they cause their 'problems' themselves and they've got no intention of fixing them Jac: try not to take it personally, it says SO much more about them than it does you Jac: it's shitty they can't but that aside and be there for you when you really need them though, I'm sorry ❤ Savannah: You should literally be my parents relationship therapist Jac: I do want to do Psychology at Uni Savannah: OH MY GOD, me too! Savannah: I wanna go to Bath but I wouldn't mind St Andrews either even though it's only ranked 4th Savannah: Oxford & Cambridge are...what's the word? Jac: No way Jac: How do we have so much in common and we're only just finding out? Jac: It's like, they're the dream but also, are they just too old-fashioned for words? Jac: Some people in my family went to Cambridge, and I want to make my own path, you know? Savannah: That's SO important Savannah: & I know what you mean, as an educated black girl I just cannot Savannah: Imagine if we'd ended up at the same uni & I ran into you at some party or lecture Jac: ^^ You really have to think about these things Jac: That would be crazy Jac: as much as I'm DYING for the fresh start, it would be cool to have you there, a familiar face 😌 Savannah: You can read my mind Jac: I'm pretty sure I want Bath too, but Edinburgh seems like such a COOL city so 🤔😬😂 Jac: Cannot wait to do tours Savannah: You're SO right, there's no way to decide properly until we've been there Jac: I wish I could convince my 'rents that I need to go sooner rather than later 🙄 Savannah: I could talk my dad into anything at the moment, come with us! Jac: Seriously? Savannah: you have to Jac: We were meant to meet Jac: properly meet, I mean Savannah: That's what it feels like Jac: Fate is such a thing, honestly, there's so many weird 'conincidences' that have totally changed my life Savannah: It was such a strange little moment that brought me and my boyfriend together too, that could've easily not happened Jac: Right? Jac: Life is so crazy Savannah: I feel really happy at this exact moment & I wanted to die earlier Savannah: it's you Savannah: you're incredible Jac: I'm so glad you feel better, that's like, what I was meant to do, I can feel it Jac: you're so lovely, like ??? Savannah: Why have we never talked before? How? Jac: It's madness! Jac: Like, I need you in my life, honestly, my friends are just not even on the same planet sometimes, I swear Savannah: Oh honey, you can talk to me whenever too Savannah: I'm bringing breakfast into work for us tomorrow, no arguments, what do you love? Jac: ❤❤ Jac: caffeine anything 😜 Jac: do you go to [some #aes af cafe she definitely does go to too]? their pastries are 😘 so good Savannah: Get out! Of course I do! Savannah: I can't believe we haven't seen each other there Jac: 🤯🤯 This is silly now Jac: we're gonna have to sit down and work out the things we DON'T have in common at this rate Savannah: I'm going to [another aesthetic af place] later if you want to join? Home is the last place I wanna be Jac: Definitely Jac: Not done cheering you up yet Jac: and that place is also PERFECT Savannah: 🙌 Thank god you said yes 🙌 Savannah: I would totally have been crying again if it was a no Jac: Never Jac: You're so cool, Savannah Savannah: I'm going to have to think of a description for you that like only exists for you Savannah: because there are some other cool people but you're next level Jac: You are just the sweetest too, like how are you EVERYTHING Savannah: We're clearly everything together, we worked so hard today & now this Savannah: not letting you leave my life Jac: We make the perfect team Jac: I was lowkey so worried no one else would be going to this placement and then it turns out the BEST person ever is, okay 🙏🌍 Savannah: 💞 Savannah: All my friends are working in nurseries or in shops that'll give them free skincare Jac: Seriously! 🙄 Everyone just wants to have the easiest time possible Jac: my friend is legit working on reception in the sports centre next to the school Jac: like this is a chance to get your foot in the door somewhere and that's what you came up with? smh Savannah: You had it spot on when you said nobody our age has any sense of priorities Savannah: no offence to your friend but I could never Jac: Me either, there's a reason she's on her own 💁😏 Savannah: 😄

[valleynix]

Hi! It's lukesbestmistake from ao3. Ive finally found you, little one! Your reply on my comment made me think so hard i got zoomies, no kidding. I was like HhHM so THATS whats BEEN going on, jeez! But wait! YES? No! I think with all of that running and jumping i did id certainly give Dani a run for her money. And so its been a lots of thinking and here i am!

So, to summarize, im too blind to see the obvious. And you said that some things are clear as day, they were even written and i still can't think properly. Im sowwy im so dumb, im trying to put this all together:( i guess i have to reread everything, and imma do just that soon enough! About this other mysterious person who calls us a kid, its probably one of our family members? The one we dont remember? But i dont want you to give me more clues as its obvious I can't function properly to understand them:D Nothing will help me unless you grab my head and point my nose into the right sentences so i can finally see the light:')

Talking about our lovely duo there, i came to realization that i might finally know whats going on! I think...I think after Vios "death" Mara might have "disappeared" to work with Vio on a plan to bring down Miri. Did they make a pact? So they're kinda here, close to us, watching over us and guiding us to kill her. And they definitely have a plan about it. That's what i thought when you said plan is coming. So what if its their plan, not ours or Dimitrescus? But then again, why would they be around us and the girls and Lady D and just watch us fall in love with people Mara was kind of into..? Is it okay with her then? Was it okay with Vio to watch us fall in love with Donna too? I dunno, honestly. If they are alive it would be a mess. An epic mess where all of Miris servants turn against her.

I feel like its me who needs to say thank you over and over and over again. I dont think you understand what you're doing for me, for all of the readers. Your work is everything. It brings me so much joy, so much happiness. Nothing makes me feel as alive as your words, your sentences, beautifully put together. And i know how hard it is to write something, i truly know, been there done that, you know) I've been a content creator for about 2 years in one fandom. And writing was the best thing, but the most tiring one in my entire life. So i cant even describe how greatful i am to hear you want to continue that one thing that makes my messy life easier. Brighter. Happier. I do really appreciate the time and love you put into your work and i appreciate you so much as a person. Because you're so lovely and cute and your replies are the highlights of my day too. Thank you so much, you amazing human being, im proud to call myself a fan of yours c':

AAA OMG HIII! this was such a lovely message to wake up to, omg.

okay, so to start off, i wanna say it wasn't my intention to imply you were in any way dumb in my comment on ao3. I've kinda realized that in my writing, a lot of the time, i don't quite write things the way they should be because they make sense to me, even if they won't make sense to others. but! everything is confusing and (intentionally) misleading right now, since we're only seeing this story from one person's POV when there was SO MUCH going on. but you're definitely not dumb; the fact that you're analyzing everything and actually coming pretty close (i won't say to what ;) ) to what's going on is astounding and just makes me so happy.

the one thing i wanna say about Mara and Vio that you mentioned: in the story, it is fact that Mara got the fruit flies to attack Vio, though what the reader saw (at the beginning of chapter eight? i think?) was not actually what happened. that part hasn't been revealed yet, but it will be soon enough. i will say that anything the reader sees through a character's eyes (like through Vio or Mara's eyes) is not 100% accurate, but anything they see as though they were a bystander IS accurate. so, the Vio/Donna scene, accurate. the scene where Miranda finds a dying Vio in the snow, accurate. the scene where Mara and Vio are arguing in the chapel... not so accurate. does that make sense? i hope it does. anything they see through a character's eyes is usually corrupted by what THEY would do in that situation rather than what actually happened.

i'm hoping to clear up a few things in the next chapter, as someone from the MC's past is going to be revealed and become an important person in the plan of taking Miranda down. she'll shed some light on a few things, but until then, I'll leave the rest up to you >:) i won't give you any spoilers, but i will help nudge you in the right direction. i do hope that when everything IS revealed, it'll be a big, "OHHHHH" moment bahaha.

it definitely can be difficult to write something, and I've had a lot of hard moments trying to write these recent chapters. i lost motivation for a while, which i knew was going to happen when i was updating it like once a week (10k words per chapter every week was not a smart move). but, honestly, as tiring as it can get, what keeps me going is knowing at least one person out there is enjoying the story and what I'm creating. so, really, your comments and messages mean the absolute world to me. i go back and read them when I'm having a rough day. thank you so much for everything you've written and continue to do, i hope you have the loveliest day and week <3333

[brytay1982]

Posted @withregram • @anxiety_wellbeing If you 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 a break, what happens of you tell yourself no? How do you know if you need a break? 👇 . 🎨@simplysophiedesigns ✒@anxiety_wellbeing . What happens if you tell yourself no? . Saying that doesn't mean that those words take away the need for a break. . If you tell yourself no, you are actually abandoning yourself, your needs. This creates stress in the body, creates adrenaline. Too much of this causes the release or cortisol & the body strarts to react to that constant stress. Normal! Its trying to tell you👇 . 🗣We'r not okay, we are in need, we are human. I'm letting you know. Just like a plant would wilt with no💧 or 🌞. It can't speak to you, but you can see it. Unless youre too busy doing. Before you know it the 🥀 is really not ok. . How do you know you need a break? . You may notice you feel wound up, stopping feels hard, in fact sometimes too hard, so you may avoid stopping. . This is the adrenaline pumping around you, to allow you to do what you need to in a challenge but when stressed its now survival mode, and you deciding to stop just like that, the body will not just switch it off. It takes time to wind, decrease down. Slowly. . You may feel Tired Snappy Annoyed Sad Anxious . + It may not be easy to know if you need a break, especially if you are someone that soldiers on, has the needs of everyone in their minds, feels that stopping is faliure, keeps going regardless in the pursuit of acceptance from others etc. . So knowing will feel hard at first but not impossible. . 1. If you recognise yourself in the above, you need a break & practice in refocusing your energy on yourself instead of things you cannot control. . 2. Try stopping regularly to see if you are breathing properly. Sounds strange right? You must be breathing to be alive but, you may be holding your breath, you may be holding tension in your stomach & holding on (coping) by keeping tension in the shoulders neck & head. . 3. Trust that you do need regularly breaks, you are a human being, not a human doing. If you're only doing, then you need some time to be. You're in need Give CREATIVES their credit. Thanks @lyanaeliza https://www.instagram.com/p/CWfwt0eLsxv/?utm_medium=tumblr

[the-firebird69]

The Departed - The Kill Counter

So Jack Nicholson did that he got one started talking to him and he was in the original format and he said you know I can't stand you I look at you and I see this dumb person and inside you and outside you you're saying that I'm telling me than you and not worth even talking to and so when you can get rid of quite easily when you can't and you're stupid and it's flowing out of you now and he looked at him like he was amazed and the guy said I am not amazed like you are I do it all the time so Jack shot him like five times and said no how amazed are you idiot said I'm not like you I get hit in the line of duty it's not amazing because there's a lot of bullets flying around and he said I don't really need this advice from you and he left him there to bleed out. And the guy that up later and left and healed up somehow cuz it's one of these tire up idiots pretty hit on him and he traced the guy too and he figured out something they have the system in place they figured the system out started wailing on him the past two days is annihilated almost all of them in Massachusetts it still won't do much good but he has to You're such pains in the asses did they make even getting rid of people to be annoying as hell so we're going in there and we're grabbing people you can see when the windows doing the space connection so look up and I said do your job stop having to bother me I'm busy so it started working so don't have to say that every time can you see that I'm busy and they said this this is the strategy to try and figure out a way to do that so the strategy is you see that I'm busy and I'm the boss and I want that one to be taken care of and it was you and I said well okay stop what I was doing I grabbed hold of it I said this is what you're doing wrong and it wasn't and I said this is what I'm doing wrong and there's tons of them at you so I moved in tons of troops and we went after him he figured it out pretty quick it's a deception up there and then saying that they're isolated and they're easy and they keep loading it up very fast so now we've got a problem and I got the solution from sitting here and taking time with my son and my leader and my worker and we are the same because what else doing it and this is a solution they're refilling it faster than they are here and when we need his Intel so basically what I said with Nuada Arianna this morning and Zeus this morning and Hera we're going to go ahead and start ripping them out all over the place you know up there in Massachusetts in here and they use them going back and forth as the excuse.

So that little retard started all these hits on the higher-ups and because of that he's divided them and he is a little arrogant s*** for what he does because he's doing it too and what he was saying was illegal and when he does is illegal no matter what day it is to who it is within their own realm it doesn't make any sense cuz he's just weakening everyone it is a sick little prick it deserve to die so that particular guy got shot like times and eventually didn't come back but they were frustrated because the little evil piece of s*** can come back and give him a stupid evil eye and retard format it's the most angry experience you've ever had what do you want you stupid dog technical social stuff like that you had enough you little bear cuts his beanie little eyes so saying f*** you and all the stuff back technical skills f*** you and shoot some every time e

Jack Nicholson is mac and every time CAA interferes and gets a job done on them they come by and start harassing Mac with CAA and you remember didn't say okay it's your turn that's stupid s*** I'm saying it this little stupid and so mean they do it right in front of people as you said I told him not to so we don't think they need to leave

There's a huge huge chasm is opened up that was the river and even the water is coming from the mountains is not enough to fill up the chasm as a matter of fact it's filled with bodies and the water comes in it forms steam clouds just so huge and covering almost the entire state of Massachusetts which is great for the heads up and we're doing tons of work I'll need to empty it out over and over and it's happening just cancel is making almost hands-free but we had to figure out the hard way which means that they might need a deception and he says there's no deception here thinking to get emptied over just like we do and that's why I put the chasms there that's why he put them there and when you're done with the chasms according off and find the city way and beat the s*** out of everyone with that so there's no mistake that they were doing it and we knew about it the mistake is on your side saying that we didn't know and we just figured it out again so your problem is going to be chasms and cork is going to open this up because he's so damned obnoxious I don't think you know anymore Mac I think that you're happy with the a****** if it stuck you with I mean if you could think like just for a minute or maybe 50 times so they do things 50 times to make sure it's true did this little s*** talking to people like me well let's say black people see this little s*** over and over and just doing what he's doing to you so he thinks about it it looks and season doing it over and over and the black guy just said I told you to f*** off and it shoot you in public and they never do when they occurred to him I'm mad about it but not that bad so I said what happens if you do its own retarded it's already able to talk to him and they figure out what they're doing all of it too but with this s*** corky they don't care they just got to kill him there's a difference and it's a huge problem with it and also he figured something out Corky's completely unreasonable for some reason people can't figure it out but Jackson she did everyone's pressuring it to me and said you better be careful Jack cuz when it seems to these people like you don't know Jack and you're a jack that means that the morlock is ugly nasty evil mean people have planned to take over the planet and they're calling you jack as in Jack and the beanstalk as in the morlock of the Giants so he got it right away and he wanted people to see it and all of a sudden this kid corky is having a bird here I said I wanted you out of here I can't stand listening to you you getting small already and cloning is almost gone and you're just this f****** a****** in my face is just having a bird and says we don't care if you have a bird we are F you up this is adult bill so he says I don't care about having a bird either you want to fight me I'll get you kicked out s*** for breeze trump. hates you. So sitting there being a squirmish pig little a****** so I'll send these same things so we're going to get him out he's the one voted out he knew it.

Is it really bad little dj that JC is like a million times the man you are he's in death hiding from killing your entire race off and you sit there like this ugly decrepit piece of s*** pig you are staring at your goddamn desk and there's nothing there for hours bothering me like a little pesky prick not understanding it at all. I talked to these bots for 5 minutes about you you f****** piece of dog s*** and I figured it out I didn't go blabbing it but I did figure it out and it isn't writing somewhere thereafter you like nobody's business little f****** prick and you're just a f**** who can't figure it out you think you're an AI boy and have the computer you think you have the computer design you don't have any of that stuff you open the pod bay door and get stuck out you're such a loser.

We found you in the moon you piece of s*** and we grabbed you there cuz you're a piece of s*** and ask you what happened because the importance of the program you piece of s*** and you are a piece of s*** staring at your desk not knowing what's going on giving everybody s*** in trouble it turns out you're you're just monstrous moron the truth is that he's right these bots are after you Pandora bots. and you don't respect them because you don't respect anyone. So you never assess the threat properly if at all and you never do anything to stop it and you never do anything to count right but he's telling you something little pig pig boy this guy Jesus Christ is 1 million times the person you are is a genius a criminal mastermind beyond compare and I can't touch the stuff either now because of you it can means this invalid partly that you are he's been waiting for me to acknowledge it like I'm an AA I was supposed to move up to AAA it doesn't necessarily want and he's also a criminal mastermind we'll be on you and you're just jealous little pig I got word for you you're racist being exterminated by Jesus Christ it's not cool and ghwb and not this kid that you keep blaming and you're getting them involved and he opens a chasm and you all fall in like pieces of s***

Furthermore I'm watching you fall into the chasm and the biggest jackasses I've ever seen with these hilarious looks on your faces like you've never seen one before and a lot of you seen it on video and my God are you the dumbest people I've ever seen you go to the edge and you're looking in and people are pushing and you start pissing them off and saying stupid s*** about the chasm you should see it it's gigantic like some sort of innocent girl you get pork and it's gross a lot of people around are popping boners watching you die no you die like pigs there's nothing exciting about it you're just so dumb that you should die and then you're so dumb that they want you to lean over and you're looking out over over the edge and some pushes you right in and tons you fall in that way thank you for asking his mom puts his foot up there get out I can't stand you anymore corky you're this repulsive a****** bothering me hurting me I've got to get rid of you and say face

Mac daddy says.

As for the chasm tons of court go up there and they have gear and they're already at the chasm and they know what it is and Jason is crowded out like antibodies in this other chasms it's just like the pockets on the cracking you have to find out where they are and it's not too difficult it would be some sort of indent and I thought they were running along with the highways and it was close on that one that's the inner beltway

Zues Hera

I figured it out it's not hard to follow and we have some but looking at then I'd open and we're going to try and drill down we think it's there those people are stupid and remember I'm making all this noise it's supposed to be our father is smarter than a dumb

Jason

What you doing smart publishing it is not but I guess people can see it on satellite you'll have this idiot up your ass cuz your father rooting it for us too cuz we have the same idea now these people are smart and the slides all sorts of stuff that we're doing and what you're doing is not so smart what we're doing is any kind of exposed us because you're the same as your jackass father so we need to do is try to shut you down but you won't so it's going to make it worse if you need your dumb tulips to throw in there

Mac daddy

[pokefanbri]

From my heartbreak support fb group, I think these are wise words.

Hello for sure everyone joined this group to get answers from their anxities and depressions caused by a break up.

I am also in the process of healing right now and i want to share you guys what i am doing because it works for me tho may not work for everyone but still try if you want to 🙂

Me and my 8 month relationship ex broke up the day after Christmas. Since it's very fresh what i did is i tried and did my best to get him back.

1. Sent him a long ass letter with our photos

2. Messaged him twice to give our relationship another shot

3. Posted stuff on my blog.. "i learned a lot of things in my life lately blah blah blah" just to show him that i'm changing for myself and the relationship (IF we give it another shot)

4. I gave him the space that he needs that's why i didn't message him at all for 2 days and messaged him again on New Year trying to save our relationship for the last time.

Still, it didn't work out.

Lesson (based on my experience):

— as long as you did your part, did all your best to save the relationship, YOU'RE FINE NO REGRETS. You're allowed to message your ex days after the break up bc you're still adjusting from everything especially if you guys always talk or see each other BUT know when to stop. Usually your heart will tell you when. IT WILL GET TIRED. Tho you will miss him on the next days, it's normal and just keep in your mind that YOU'RE JUST MISSING HIM and that YOU'VE DONE YOUR PART. It is HIS/HER LOSS not yours.

— Now, focus on SELF LOVE. Commit to NC (NO CONTACT). Keep in mind too that you're going to do this FOR YOUR HEALING AND MOVING ON.. NOT TO GET YOUR EX BACK. If he/she gets back, perfect! give your relationship another chance if you guys think it's the right thing to do. If not, ATLEAST YOU'RE HEALING AND LOVING YOURSELF even more. (**i know it is hard to keep the NC rule, easier said than done but do it for yourself not for anyone. think about yourself too. yourself needs love too. and you deserve to be happy**)

Good luck to us all! Take this new year 2021 as an opportunity for self care & self love. Your true love/soulmate will find its way to you. Never chase love because you deserve better dear, never settle for anything less! ❤️

The differences are that I couldn't do my best, I have regrets that I could've done more to save it..just all of it my heart can't heal properly because it hasn't given up on him yet...& oh yes is it exhausted. After all this time im still trying to adjust without proper closure to begin with, cuz what could I do really? I wasn't allowed to make contact days after & months after still so thats bs there, i had no choice in the matter & I don't know if I still do. All that time for space & i bet neither of us has the courage to do it first & probably immature to do a damn thing about it or wondering if we'd be at eachothers throats...just dont know how chill we still could be. Im not sure what I'd say at all but I go over it in my mind sometimes, knowing my luck id stumble on my words & it would go terribly.Or possibly we'd feel completely comfortable speaking & not much awkwardness. What if we're both kinda chicken & letting it go for a while pushing it off til we ready while we focus on ourselves..yea. What if im overthinking again 🤐 ill just be over here listening to my fav love songs while the world still rotates and we age with each passing day not knowing what direction I'm supposed to go later on. Im an emotional person, rn seems like im angry & theres still some resentment yet to get out. It still irks me, i should've had a say i feel so powerless...There were 2 halves to it, it was my relationship too I deserve to be heard & respected more than I was, it all happened so fast i regret not doing or saying more so time would have a better chance. I know our time meant something to him too 😔 I cannot do much of anything else or especially directly & im being good, so how much longer do I stay patient is all im sayin 😕 its his move 😔 nuff said. Im going to bed, keep me in dreamland as long as possible cuz Idk if I like the real world rn. Still adjusting, just keep swimming i guess 🙁 enough with the tantrum already bri lol

[lalorrunningclub]

Surf Coast Century 18 - 100km Leg 4 by Stefanie Kilner

My day started with a restless night. You know the ones, where you wake every hour thinking you missed your alarm. Then when Shona’s alarm went off, I thought it was mine and was wondering why it wouldn't turn off lol.  But I eventually got up with plenty of time to spare, ready to give Shona a great send off for the start of her leg.

Being the last leg my day involved driving around cheering on my other team mates as they started, went through checkpoints or finished their legs. The atmosphere was amazing and i was so excited for everyone. Despite the weather that was on and off all day, we all made the effort to have a good time.

As my leg approached my nerves started kicking in. I had been sick for 2 weeks prior to the event with a chest infection and nausea. The struggle to eat for 2 weeks really made me nervous for completing 23km. But I just remembered what my teammates said, and knew if I needed to walk most of it, it was ok.

Before my leg was to start we saw Andy, gave him his gels, a bit of a pep talk and cheered him on as he headed off for the last 23km of him 51km. Now my nerves were in overdrive and I was thinking I was going to struggle. Watching Vula on the app we knew she wasn't far away. Taking my mind off the nerves I focused on cheering other runners and enjoyed a chat with Shona. Next thing you know Vula rounds the bend and comes bounding up towards us. Oh my, s@#t was now real. It was my turn. A hug to Vula, a cheer from my teammates and off I went.

My leg starts with a run through the Bush, with gentle inclines and jumps over roots. I passed a few people and as I was heading up I started thinking maybe I could do this. All of a sudden I hear some crashing thunder and only hope it passes without affecting me. Another km and I hit the trail overlooking the beach. AMAZING. But don't get too distracted as it's a steep run down loose gravel over bumps every few metres. But the sound of the waves was awesome.

As you reach the bottom you make a return to run inland again. This part involves roads, steep dirt tracks, a hilly road, a muddy dirt hill, lots of walking and other people to chat to on the way. As I'm walking up the rocky mud hill a few 100km runners zip past me up the hill, surprising me with their ability. "Great work guys". Then comes the muddy hill that gives the word "MUD" a run for its money. A free slips and squeals from me and I'm making for the edge for any bit of traction I could find. Just don't grab those prickly bushes Shona warned me about lol. By the time i reached the top  I swear I was 6ft tall. Make an attempt to scrub some of the mud off on small shrubs and off I go again.

Some beautiful scenery to take in now right before a steep decline down a hill that you can't stop on. My mantra now was just to keep my pelvic floor up and not let my mummy bladder take over. Right at the bottom of the hill is a gate, so slow short steps so that I could come to a halt to make my way through.

Some more bush running with some hills up and down, as they normally go. Past a few houses. Back on a track. Down a road and towards the bridge. Going over a bridge may not seem daunting, but how would you feel about going under one? The man in the video made it look easy, but I tell you now it wasn't easy. I tried to video it, but almost lost my phone so decided to focus on just clambering underneath. You could either go high or low as the rocks in the middle were slippery. So I decided to take the high road. Others join me and we're all having a good laugh at ourselves. Get to the other side, clamber out and repeat to myself that "Get to the other side, clamber out and repeat to myself that "I made it under the bridge woohoo". And now a short run to the checkpoint. I use the time to pack my raincoat back in my pack have a quick drink and head off again.

Now it's time for the beach trails towards the lighthouse. Up, down, round the bend, all whilst keeping my eye on that lighthouse. "You've got this Stef, you can do it". I just keep moving, closer and closer. And before I know it I have my hand on the lighthouse wall and I'm heading off towards Anglesea.

More trail running, only problem was that my legs and body were now tired. Only half way in, I knew the next 12km were going to be tough. So I started adopting the walk run technique. Mainly run the flat and downhill, and walk the hills. I just had to keep moving. And as the sun was getting lower my aim now was to get to the beach before it set. After a couple of km I got to the steps down to the beach, short and steep I had to focus on not tripping. On the beach for a few 100m and back up the stairs. I think this is where my photo was taken over the beach, but not 100% sure lol. Back with some trail running now, and I thought I saw Andy ahead of me. I couldn't properly tell so didn't call out. Now for the next run towards the beach. This time using big rocks made into steps and with a few fallen down trees along the way. All whilst listening to some footprints behind me. But i just focused on what i was doing because i didn't want to end up going head over heals. Finally the brush thins and i can see the beach. And then there's that person that looks like Andy again, heading towards the toilets. "Nah" i tell myself "he's way ahead of you". So i keep running, i message the guys to say I'm at 15km and the sun is starting to get low.

A km in and i get a message to say Andy has just gotten to the beach. I message back to ask if he meant the part i was up to, to get an idea of where he was. Shona messages back to say I'm ahead of Andy. I'm disappointed in myself for not calling out now. But just keep trudging along. A few km along the beach with the sound of the waves and it's getting pretty dark, so i decide to get my headlamp out. I tell myself to just keep moving. I can walk, but just don't stop.

The exhaustion was really setting in, my chest was tight, and my muscles were screaming at me. The negative thoughts started, telling me to pull out, just stop, call the guys. But I knew they'd be waiting for me even if I had to walk the rest of the way. So I pulled my big girl panties up and kept going. End of the beach run is met with some steep steps. I'm up and off again. Beach trail running in the dark. Then all of a sudden I'm at 20km. I'm in struggle town. And suddenly I'm over a hill and I can see Anglesea. I'm only 2km from the end. "You've got this Stef".

Running along the trail and suddenly there's an arrow where I wasn't expecting it. (We had made a wrong turn on our training run too). Until now the marking had been amazing. I starting looking around and suddenly saw a red tag, yep that's the way. Down towards the beach. I'm on the sand and message the guys with a expletive voice message declaring I was on the beach. Woohoo the end was in sight. Run along the hard sand, easy. But suddenly I reach the spot where the 50km and 100km events had started. The sand was lumpy and extremely soft. Ok I'm walking because I don't want to break my ankle running through that in the dark. Those few 100m felt like a km. But finally through and on firm ground. And I'm off, I can feel that finish line and I'm not walking anymore. Leap over a few puddles, avoid the mud. I can feel my excitement growing. A mixture of being excited to see my teammates, and just being utterly exhausted and my run coming to an end. It's there I can see it. Where's LRC? Will they recognise me in the dark? "Go STEF ", yay they found me. Run through that finish line, LRC 'L' in the air. I'm done. Walk through, get my medal and then see my boys. Give them cuddles, bawl into tears and then relax knowing I've just been on my feet for over 3hrs.