#its like that little kinda self centered part of you that wants someone to just. stick up for you even tho u know u might be in the wrong

[pluckysidekick]

Nancy Drew Episode 218: The Echos of Lost Tears

I wrote a little essay about how amazing this episode is for the HAND Discord server, where we’ve been doing brackets for the show’s episodes (the brilliant idea of @binancydrew). But it got kinda long-I had a lot to say 😂. So I’ve posted it here along with a few gorgeous GIFs from some amazing Nancy Drew fan creators (with credits). I hope you enjoy it!

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218 is the zenith of the best season of TV ever, Season 2 of Nancy Drew. The Wraith storyline, hidden in plain sight throughout this incomparable season, comes into focus and allows Nancy to work through her deep trauma and learn to accept all of the parts of herself, even the ones she doesn’t like e.g. Nancy Hudson. And her friends, her soulmates, are there, in real life AND in her dreamscape, to support her, to defend her, and to love her just as she is.

218 is also the culmination of Nancy’s journey to find out what kind of person she wants and needs as a partner in life. We see hints of her being amused by Ace, being attracted to Ace, and increasingly relying on Ace, throughout Seasons 1 and 2. But only in 218 does she finally admit to herself that Ace is her *person*. There’s a reason that in 403 she tells Ace that she knew she had feelings for him when they fought the Wraith.

GIF by @andsjuliet

“You’d been there for me so many times before, but that was…” She was overwhelmed by how supportive Ace was throughout their fight to defeat the wraith, while he asked nothing in return. He tells her “All this time, the wraith made you think there was no separating you from it- you just proved that wrong”*Swoon*. He kept her safe as he drove her to New York in Florence, and held her up when she was weak. He held her hand, and rubbed her back, when she was fighting the wraith. He helped her to stand when they’d defeated it but she was still weak. When Nancy expressed surprise that she was strong enough to hold the trauma, Ace is the one that said, “I think you always were, Nancy,” as he helped her stand up, and with that look between them.

GIF by @nacesource

But 218 also has growth for every character. Bess saying goodbye to Odette, and George’s generous offering of love and friendship to allow them a passionate kiss before Odette goes inside forever, with Lo Moon playing, was so beautiful I want to cry just writing this.

GIF by @booasaur

George takes a huge step forward by proposing to Nick after she hadn’t even wanted to pretend to be his fiancée, and Nick has found someone that loves him for him, and we see him preparing to open the Youth Center. Carson helps Nick to lay Celia to rest, signs away his right to be Nancy’s dad, and invites Ryan to move into the Drew house. An incredible turnaround in their relationship, and the foundation of Dad #1 and Dad #2!

The ending, as heartbreaking as it was that Nancy just missed Ace (for now), Nancy ending the episode claiming herself as a Hudson and deciding to break up the company and provide reparations to Everett’s victims is a powerful statement. And while the wraith is a fantastic supernatural monster, it’s also an amazing metaphor for depression, and feeling a lack of self-worth. Nancy’s breaking up with Gil is so powerful and meaningful for many people who’ve been in difficult relationships.

GIF by @hucklebucket

And so many classic moments! “You drew a fish!” “I hate zebras!” The look between Nancy and Ace at Odette’s antics outside Myrtle’s house- silent communication at its finest. The Myrtle/Temperance reveal! The Dads and knuckleball! And of course, “You weren’t born broken- the only way to heal is to let that pain become love.” “It’s time to kick the monster out of your house.” “Will you hold me?” “I thought you’d never ask.” “Knock ‘em dead”.

GIF by @hucklebucket

Speaking of which, the dreamscape was an amazing sequence technically, writing-wise, and emotionally. The progression through Nancy’s different selves, the support of her friends (George and her crowbar), the realization that she loves Ace and that amazing dream scene at the bluffs (the first almost kiss!). And the way it ties together so many moments from past episodes - tween Nancy and her first big case, her birth at the bluffs, her adoptive mother’s death, the evolution of her relationship with Nick into deep friendship, her low point of the kidnapping of Everett. AND the little touches of everyone wearing outfits from earlier episodes - Ace wearing his 212 outfit e.g. the Grant episode where Nancy saves him at great cost (“I couldn’t lose you”), was a personal favorite touch of mine. All in all, brilliant storytelling, perfectly executed.

GIF by @nancydrewcentral

I haven’t said enough about Ace’s growth. He starts the episode wanting to get away, but not being able to leave Nancy when she’s in trouble. And then he’s the most supportive friend he (or anybody) could be. But he’s loyal, and he doesn’t suspect that Nancy has developed feelings for him yet (remember he thinks it didn’t happen until DetectiveCon). So he is able to put his hurt feelings about Gil aside, and apologize to Amanda, and go on the road trip. But when he tells her “I feel like I left something behind”, while Nancy is simultaneously going to his house to confess her feelings, while “For Me, It’s You” plays- AAAHHHHH. *Weeping*.

GIF by @wandasviz

313 is an amazing episode with iconic scenes, the Nace scenes specifically. I advocated for it as one of the strongest episodes of the latter half of the series. But some fans found the pacing is challenging, and the fakeout deaths of Ryan and Ace (beautifully) painful, and can be hard to rewatch. 313 is a jam packed, excellent episode of television. But 218 is a beautifully constructed, emotional journey for Nancy, the Drew Crew, and her Dads, and a cap to what many, including Kennedy (on Twitter), think is the best season of the show. It’s a superior episode overall from a superior show and fantastic season. Vote 218!

GIF by @drewcrewdaily

[tobyisave]

the plot of "ethanol"

aka that Adamandi fanfiction I never finished last year (OTL) and companion to this drawing (x)! There were only a few pages (that I will never release) so instead here's what was going to happen, according to my old notes doc... it's mostly just Vincent angst I'm not gonna lie. I kinda stopped because I realized there was no plot at all and that's not how stories work

Also: I did not write adamandi. And it's been a *second* since I was Vincent. And cannot stress enough that even the finished parts of this are wildly unfinished. So make of this what you will kdlfdsjf

(tw for body horror, medical horror, suicide, self harm, others harm, vomit, you know the drill it's Adamandi)

CH1: "I love you, too"

Vincent wakes up in Hancock Infirmary, the medical center on Ardess campus. (It's incredibly sketchy that he's not in the local hospital instead -- especially since the Infirmary has been openly racist to him and Quincy before -- but evidently this is the best way to keep things under wraps.)

He has a traumatic brain injury (from fighting Beatrix), is probably a little drugged, and starts freaking out because he's in pain and everything looks super flat and fake...

But he sees his Phaethon award letter sitting on the nightstand and feels so relieved that he lets himself fall back asleep.

Later the doctor tells him "what happened" including a reference to Vincent’s suicide attempt and "stabbing his own eye" to which he's like my WHAT. He finally realizes he can only see out of one eye - he pokes his fingers into the "soft, swollen folds of meat" on his face (thanks past toby) and finds that the eye is completely gone.

Doc is like you might have amnesia? You also have a TBI. Also fill out this form to make sure you wont kill urself when we release you

Specifically, the form is like “How often in the past two weeks have you: Had trouble sleeping…. Had thoughts that you are a failure….. Wanted to hurt yourself….. Attempted suicide….” And because he only ticks the last one the final score is "1" and the doctor's like okay free to go! (this is totally anachronistic but i think its funny so it stays)

Doctor makes him call someone to help him get home.

For some reason he doesn’t want to call Quincy (he thinks bc he hurt Quincy really bad). He thinks over who else he could call – oh yes, that guy I’ve been hanging out with lately, Ambrose! Wait fuck…. For the first time he realizes that Ambrose is not here.

After phoning Quincy to pick him up (Q cries on the phone, V feels moved to but genuinely doesn't have the energy to cry or even say much - and they say I love you to each other, except its Weird and Uncomfortable this time), Vincent roots around in the medical waste bin and pockets his enucleated eye, which he's alarmed to find is bloody and kind of smashed to a pulp.

CH2: pretty peppermint green

(title from "asthma" by b/ulldog eyes)

Quincy shows up (btw they're they/them in this because I can) and Vincent remembers pretty much everything. They share a reluctant kiss --- after which Vincent is content to slip into the fantasy that things are back to normal --- and walk back to the dorm. It's lightly misting outside. On the way there, Vincent stops and kneels to vomit from his intense headache and nausea. Quincy tries to hold them/help them up after and it makes Vincent's heart race.

In Quincy's room, they lie in bed. Vincent is often the big spoon (lol) but he feels the eye in his front pocket squish against Quincy's back, so they switch for undisclosed reasons. Quincy keeps saying they're so glad Vincent is back and they love him so much. That strikes a terrible weird chord with Vincent, and he's just lying there and he can't see Quincy's face and he's practically pressed between them and the wall and he can't stop feeling like there's another guy in the room watching them both, and he's not sure if the knowledge that there isn't is comforting or scary, and he starts freaking out until he has to leave the room.

(Why that strikes a weird chord: Quincy kept dissing him until now, and now is lovebombing him? Is that because Vincent finally earned their respect academically or because Quincy is guilty or what? He can usually tell what Q's thinking but it's very opaque to him right now - either because of the TBI or because their history is so extreme. And what usually makes him feel calm and well - ie Quincy - is not working anymore).

Vincent goes downstairs and sleeps on the basement couch. He unlocks this memory -- or is it just an image he constructed to fill the gap? -- of Quincy holding him, the weapon still in their hands, those hands still bloody, their face twisted in a horrific expression he can't even describe.

CH3: 20 grams

(title - from "duck or ape" by roar - but references an old paper that claimed to experimentally calculate the weight of a soul by weighing a person before and after death - they were purportedly 20 grams lighter.)

In the morning, Vincent goes to his own dorm. His chair and desk and bedframe were all burned in the pyre, plus most of his paper and books, so there's just big square sun-stains everywhere and a lot of empty space.

He goes to his bottom shelf, where there's a few empty jars & cans & stolen lab glassware, and puts his old eye in an open beaker. There's a big jug of ethanol under his bed and he pours some in to preserve it. (This has been making the room smell awful by the way). The beaker goes on the shelf next to an array of other trophies (aka student organs) which he'd left as a sort of last display of genius that the world could find after he killed himself.

He goes to the mirror and is unnerved to realize that he's been fully bathed and his hair has been brushed out. He checks all the bruises on his body and tries to recount where he got each one - most are from previous murders and some are from the pyre. Even though he literally just got out of the hospital where he lost an eye, he looks a lot better than in the past few weeks just because he finally got some fucking sleep and idk they probably had him on an IV or something

After that he looks at his eye again with morbid fascination --- he's seen this exact wound on corpses before, but never seen it healing.

He considers taking out his surgery kit and trying to fix the eye. There's this question of if he could repair his damaged eye and see through it again, would he be able to see Quincy the same as he used to? His right eye never saw Quincy betray him. He wonders if Quincy burned themself again after last night - the first time he remembers that knowledge - and tears come even though he's still just standing there absently.

Anyway when he goes back to the shelf to look at his old eye, he frowns at how fucked up it is, and pulls down the bottle next to it instead. In the bottle are two blue eyes. He pulls one out in front of the mirror and presses it into his socket, which is rapidly filling with fluid; it overflows out of the socket as he pushes the eye in. This is agonizing because he's putting an eye covered in ethanol into an open wound.

He stands there looking at himself, still in his jacket, with one finger up to hold the eye in place, for like 10 straight minutes. He recounts all the unbelievable things he's done this year, the way people looked at him a bit differently as he started to get his act together. The way they looked each time he wound up the killing blow. Ambrose's eye still looks completely out of place on Vincent's face.

Everything else that happens!

Quincy & Beatrix

Beatrix was also going to be at the hospital for back up in CH2 apparently. so pretend that happened

Quincy finds out about the preserved eye (idk how lol) and confesses to Beatrix that it creeps them the fuck out. Beatrix assumes it's because it represents Quincy's guilt and tries to reassure them. That makes Quincy feel worse because to be honest they just thought it was disgusting and scary to see their lover's disembodied eye looking back at them from the bottom of a beaker.

Graduation

The three of them are planning on going together and walking through the Ardess Randolphitz graduation gate etc etc. Except all of them are kind of having a trauma reaction to the idea of going to graduation. Less so Quincy, because they missed the pyre graduation speech, but yeah. Nobody likes that.

Vincent thinks about skipping graduation but then checks his mailbox and realizes he failed two of his classes this semester. AN: In my notes it said this: the letter says he has to take an extra course to graduate - he literally cant afford that (used to have a scholarship but obviously broke the contract) so he can't graduate. His family is in China and he cant stomach the thought of explaining everything to them.

(Right before the Pyre scene he mailed a copy of the newspaper accusing him of murder to his family because he wanted his mom to see what he did (/pos??). Then he has this sudden realization that his mom has no idea who Vincent Aurelius Lin is. Not really that relevant to this fic, but I actually consider this canon to the show because I sat backstage and did it every night with the newspaper prop lmao)

Anyway I don't think the graduation logic checks out anymore, I mean he won the Phaethon so he kind of has to graduate lol. Oh well.

Quincy & Vincent

Honestly... I didn't write a lot about what happens with them because one of the central concepts of the fic is that they break up! And unfortunately I seem to have stopped working on this around the time that Quincy reentered the story, so I have no idea what that actual arc was going to look like. Upon revisiting this story though, it's pretty obvious I was just using everyone else as a sounding board for Vincent angst anyway... so that kind of sucks lol

Room situation

Vincent... doesn't have a bed... so he sleeps in the basement of Stutton (?) again. Unlike the months leading up to the pyre where he was completely sleepless (aka restless and unable to stop mentally planning each of his murder schemes and the things he would say about what inspired them after it all came out), he falls asleep really easily now (...because of the TBI). Beatrix encounters him there and heres a quote from my google doc:

B: oh my god. don't tell me you lost your keys again 

V: no. i just… dont have anywhere to go

B: … do you want my room key? like ill have to kick you out in the morning but me and portia are pulling an all nighter right now 

V: thats not what i meant. (licks lips) beatrix im not graduating

(AN: damn.... where CAN he run........)

B brings V to news room where portia and her are working, planning to use portia as the emotional support dog. this works on portia's end but vincent is not very reactive.

Beatrix is renting a house for the summer and invites Lin to sleep on her couch (upon learning that he planned to squat or get back with Quincy to survive)

Summer: Bea's house

P: Bea, he's a murderer! You're going to let him live in your house? Alone?!

B: Harper, just.... look at him

*The most hollow dead eyed broken toy of a Vincent you've ever seen*

^^^^ this is like the establishing quote of the fic, just vincent looking like that is the whole concept actually. Obviously thats also what I tried to capture with the drawing too

While shes at work he gets very understimulated and he wants to Plot Evilly and hes really really frustrated that he cant (because that project is over and he can't focus)

he used to journal/stalk every day but "lately... i cant even remember whats been happening lately." he has headaches constantly and hasnt written in weeks 

he starts chain smoking on her couch (AN: interesting choice sldjfsdkfjdsfls)

she gets back and is upset about this (the smell and he used like all of her cigs)

→ a) he realizes he cant really feel remorse over this (only intellectually he understands it and goes outside)

-> b) he's confused to see her refuse a cig from him. okay bea thats new what are you pulling here

in her office, bea (feeling like she has adopted a stray dog) chews gum while reading a terrified letter from quincy who is about to move 

(AN maybe anachronistic that bea would try to quit smoking at this time?? im not sure.)

(Also - not sure if this ever came up explicitly, but in our production, Beatrix is the one who first offered Vincent the occasional smoke back in the day, and instead of ever buying any he mostly grubbed them off her (which you can maybe see at the beginning of little more in love). During the course of canon events he gets more addicted - and if i remember correctly, he also started going through withdrawal at some point, but I dont remember why he quit - I think because he stopped seeing Bea around so he kind of just stopped?? - if anything I guess it's symbolic of Bea kind of setting him up to murder and then disappearing from his life for months. The cigarettes weren't actually in the original script at all.)

vincent paces then goes to the drugstore

while hes there he uses the restroom to stare into his eye hole yada yada

(prior to going to restroom hes dubious about entering mens but its single stall anyway)

buys like a shit ton of cigarettes and pain medicine (which was probably like coke back then idk) and also candy

(cigs are for beatrix because he just wants to be loved…)

Phaethon did not give him any money at all by the way. Maybe this is the part where he should go huh I need a job even if I can't be a doctor

IDK where to put this but also - at some point Vincent finds a horrifying drawing of Quincy killing him, and Bea is like you obviously drew that look at it it's in your style. and he can't remember drawing it but not that he looks around he sees he's actually been drawing little pieces of it everywhere

Beatrix's apology

*giant overwrought Beatrix speech here*

V: (trying to be normal about it) i uh i did try to kill you

B: (also playing cool) yeah sure, so did my dad, join the club 

V: sorry?

B: the point is, lin, you were having an episode, and instead of helping you see that i pretty much handed you a bat, spun you around a couple times, and sent you on your merry way 

(shaky breath, beat- V feels weird about being described so passively)

Anecdote I wrote last year that I genuinely don't understand anymore OTL

Vincent likes to read possibly?

B: you can read?!

V: (swallows a lump… then sarcastically) oh yeah quincy finally taught me how

(^^^ realize they always bitch at each other by default - he wonders if she would be nicer if he was nicer but probably not)

^^^^^ the book sucks anyway shes like ok go to the bookstore CUE QUINCY

(“ok read your own fucking book” “i can’t” “why” “i burned them”)

AN: like QUINCY WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT jdslkfjdsf who is that what's happening what's going ON

...I think it's Beatrix actually? idk man idk

but OMG im suddenly obsessed with the idea that this is all a bunch of absolutely insane buildup to an exes-to-lovers vincent coffee shop / quincy bookstore au dlskfjdslkfjdslkjfsjfjdsklfsdf

BONUS NOTES

V’s lack of empathy - i think he cant understand other peoples feelings very well? He definitely at the least has to imagine them through incidents in his own life to picture how they feel 

People pleasing … & possibly its conflict with the above 

Bring back suave vincent :(  (AN: I failed)

Masculinity problems…? 

Realization that all of his rapports (ie with ambrose and beatrix) are facetious and aggressive. And also baggage with quincy accidentally dissing him all the time. Who will be nice to him :( 

Maybe this: 

V: "i think i might be autistic"

B: "i dont think youre autistic i think youre a sociopath"

V: "i think i might be both"

^^^^ except thats also pretty anachronistic and kind of silly but i do what i want

ambrose ghost was a representation of his hyperfixation on murder (AN: absolutely insane take. what the fuck)

he probably gets lost in drawing now if he can stomach doing anything

accidental psychiatrist beatrix bc shes really good at cracking people open 

themes:

breakup 

realization that quincy didnt value him while he was innocent which fucked the relationship but V has trouble justifying it bc now he cant value himself 

difficulty feeling remorse for what he did 

→ realize you arent accountable for how you feel just for what you do 

can you love someone without empathy? (yes)

(stems from asking if q was ever in danger of murder -- obviously not!)

realization that v is actually good at something (art) 

Respectability politics - beatrix is trying to make girls/latinas look good. vincent is still in the headspace that hes inferior but starts to think about how frosh vinc would have felt about him now (AN i dont know what i meant by this ldjsf)

becoming ambrose was in a way his idea of proving himself in the world. being gnc and failing his classes was just bc he couldnt "do better" 

RECURRING: pulls open his eyelids and tries to see into his brain through the hole 

addiction (AN: thats it thats all i said its the word "addiction" sljdkfdslkf. I can only assume because for a while i had an interpretation of vincent as becoming an adrenaline junkie after his first murder - plus then bea got him addicted to cigs and murder)

other char breakthroughs 

Bea - yo vincent actually did some fucked up shit

Quincy - living with yourself. realizing you can never reconcile with some people. 

Portia - hold on… Bea actually did some fucked up shit...

(sorry this is MASSIVE i thought it would be like 7 bullets)

AND ON THAT NOTE.... Yeah that's what the fic was going to be about. Hope that was fun??? And shoutout to @ceaslesswatcherwhatistboyswag for asking about the abandoned fic and inadvertently prompting this whole post :P

Also. by god please do not take any of this as canon or word of god (except perhaps the newspaper thing...) i beg of you... these are just the post-show ramblings of a man newly deprived of the ability to spend 5 hours a week pretending to be a fruity little murderer. very fun diving back into that time to compile this though 🫀

[myloveforhergoeson]

taking icy’s lead and sending you the playlist thing for rames!

hi hi hi!! so excited to do this~ i was obsessed with your jelisa post and your answers hehe. normally i try to keep my playlists centered around the time the story takes place but if i'm allowed to pick, my taste is a bit more modern-ish lol! i do my best to put the chapter titles as little soundtracks to go along with the story, but that doesn't always work out. most of the time they're just reflecting the chapter content with the title, not the lyrics

opening credits: l.a. baby (where dreams are made of) by the jonas brothers!

perhaps i'm cheating by picking a song that's already an opening credits song, but i think if their life was a TV show/movie this would be so perfect for them!

meeting for the first time: tracks of my tears by smokey robinson and the miracles

not because i think it reflects their situation but because i think roxy remembers this as the song she first heard him sing. their meeting isn't really anything miraculous + not love at first sight, but i think if they were a movie it would be cute if this was playing in the background when they first meet :)

hey, i kinda like you: crush by david archuleta

super super rames; playing on the radio when roxy decides to ask james out as like a little peek into what's running through her mind

i’m going to kiss you now: dig what you dug by wallows

:) love this song its sooo so so rames, but especially right after they kiss for the first time and james tells roxy he loves the way she says his name. that scene was inspired by this song in the first place!!

falling in love: jump than fall by taylor swift

self self-explanatory and chapter title stealing again...

your place or mine: last man in the world by the band camino

:)

naked in bed: hands down by dashboard confessional

my one mistake is using this to title a dak centered chapter... but it is also so very rames

first fight: that's what you get by paramore

cheating again and stealing chapter titles... but i mean come on! that's basically what happens lol

maybe we should take a break: my happy ending by avril lavigne

speaks for itself i think... especially because rox is pretty far gone for him at this point...

i want you back: iris by the goo goo dolls

I KNOW I KNOW but just imagine it's raining and james and roxy are in the street and they're apologizing to each other after their break because they realized it was such a bad idea and that they're better together and they love each other too much to see the other hurt and the instrumental part is playing in the background AHHH

will you marry me: songbird by oasis

not only is this their song (to me...) but everything about it is just so loving and tender and i think it fits this section perfectly. while i don't know if james and roxy are marriage people just yet, i think i could see this being something rox walks down the aisle to or perhaps their first dance song :)

first child: cecilia and the satellite by andrew mcmahon in the wilderness

like the last one, i'm not sure if james and roxy are parent material lol and i don't know many songs about children, but this is one of my favorites :) i think if anything james would be a super cute girl dad (as i think all boy band members would be) and i could imagine him writing/singing a similar type of song :)

we’re getting older: 18 by one direction/act my age by one direction

<3 we can forget they're 17 when they start dating okay <3

if you die i’ll go with you: i'll follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

if you've never heard this one you might want to grab some tissues. my hands are shaking as i write this.

end credits: the flower garden by joe hisaishi

im imagining the screen fading to black after their story ends while this plays and seeing the credits roll and GAH IM SUCH A MESS HELP!!!!!! (and now im imagining a howl's moving castle au so someone needs to take google docs far FAR AWAY FR OM ME but they fit those roles so well HELPPP)

[the-lonelyshepherd]

Okauy I have a few questions about your cowboy story (that you don't have to answer if you dont want to) Also sorry if the answers to some of these are obvious or if anything is mixed up i just skimmed through the tag

What are the scars on Shays back from?

When Catalinas (?) Sister got shot, how did that impact the story/what happened after to lead to where they are now?

Who is running the drug cartel and why?

What do the 2 gods have to do with the story?

who did shay kill as self defense and why?

That'll be all for now :]

hiii!!! no worries at ALL i’m so happy you took the time to go through the tag 🙏🙏🙏 these are such thoughtful questions i really liked answering them :)

What are the scars on Shays back from?

omg i’m redesigning them soon they’re gonna look. a little more WAUGH bc i don’t think i made them nearly weird cool or fucked up enough. but basically? wings. i’ll let yall interpret what you will from that :)

2. When Catalinas (?) Sister got shot, how did that impact the story/what happened after to lead to where they are now?

i do think im gonna have to clarify this whole little story more bc a lot of people got confused on it 😭 i don’t think i have enough info out yet. the whole impetus/sister getting shot thing happens like 10/15 years before the main story, and is kinda the catalyst for the wholeeeee thing. 

it’s basically this pair of sisters who are horse thieves. they immigrated from poland, found themselves very very far west with like zero money (or parents. and they’re i think 18 and 16 tentatively) so they start stealing horses. it all goes really well at first because this is at a point in time where the american west is not very populated at all besides indigenous people and the occasional settler. however, things go wrong (like they always do) and someone comes after them to get revenge leading to the sister getting shot.

the weird shit that happens has to do with the fact that they cross into the first threshold during the chase, and post literally  everyone involved dying but the older sister (tbnnnn kinda have a name but not sure yet) and błyskawica (younger sister’s horse, the white one covered in blood). then there’s this whole thing where a coyote comes to investigate the dead, she can tell it’s something distinctly powerful, she begs it to bring back her sister and it tells her it’s not that it can’t but it won’t. this pisses a bitch off BADDD and leads into the next question.

3. Who is running the drug cartel and why?

older sister from the last story!! it started bc she was stuck in the first threshold for a whileeee and had to come up w a way to survive, eventually formed a ragtag group of other people who were stranded, they figured out a bunch of shit about the first threshold world including making some fire drugs (called indigo for its bold blue color). once they crack interthreshold transport (for distribution) she still stays in the first threshold bc of her other motives (bring back her sister because now she knows it’s possible). 

she has this whole thing going on with starling (coyotes incomprehensible other half who ALSO hates its ass). starlings goal is to end its suffering and get revenge on coyote, older sisters goal is so warped and distorted over time that it’s hard to even pull apart anymore but it’s basically get back her sister and make coyote fucking suffer. and then shay shows up and it’s a whole thing. just a giant mess of a situation with years long feuds.

4. What do the 2 gods have to do with the story? 

they’re the center of the story in a lot of ways both for their symbolic purposes and the way they get their hands dirty. a lot.

you get a little bit of the situation with my prior answer but basically they’re one thing split in two so the main part (coyote) doesn’t have to live in constant agony from just knowing too much. but this means starling, the split half, has it even WORSE because it’s just a concentrated mass of the incomprehensible divine.

storywise starling fucks up shay really bad and later catalina a little bit. it has to do with the whole drug running thing, starling needs something to ground itself to at least the first threshold and uses shay for that which is. not fun for poor shay. coyote has like 72273 people who hate its ass (it kinda deserves it sometimes) and is also just very much the embodiment of the first threshold . when i think about them i tend to associate coyote with catalina and starling with shay, but the lines do blur especially later on. that’s kinda the point tho.

5. who did shay kill as self defense and why?

currently the plan is for it to be the first other person they encounter on the first threshold, kinda a rando just to introduce the fact that there are other people here but they’re usually very. not doing well at all.

she shoots him because he’s fucking creepyyyy. they were alone for a while and all of the sudden there’s this guy pulling up and he keeps coming towards them and he says he just wants water but the gleam of iron at his hip is a little too familiar and he just KEEPS coming towards them even though they keep telling him to stay back and when he starts to reach for his gun shay just kinda does it on impulse.

TYYYY FOR ALL THES QUESTIONS I HAD SM FUN ANSWERINGGFF :)))) TYTYTY 

[timetravelerpyrite]

Uh, hi.

My name is Pyrite, I go by he/him mainly… don't mind she/her though. Newly found out I like Pup/Pupself pronouns too.

I'm 30. (B-day is November 16th, if that matters to anyone.)

//Current Arc: None rn!

//Finished Arcs: Fool's Faller, ABSOLute Panic!

Anyway, not too important, I just kinda found this site and realized 'Oh, there's some people like me here!' so here I am I guess?

Don't expect me to be friendly.

I don't bite! I'm trying to make more friends, but don't shove too much at me at once please.

I don't like staying in one place, it makes me anxious, no I won't tell you why. I was running a lot because of my Ex, she and my bio fam wants me to come back, but I won't, I'm actually tying to get use to staying in one place now.

Most important thing, I'm a Time Traveler and Dimension hopper, how the hell am I both?

I caught a Celebi (He/She/They) by COMPLETE ACCIDENT so now I'm kinda stuck with them, and I kinda got adopted by a Dimension hopping Iron called Iron Eclipse (It/Its)… no, I do not expect you to know what that is.

Call me a fake if you want, I don't care, just try not to hold me down in one spot, got it? Wow I don't like this part the most, why was I such a jerk in my intro??

Anyway, I might visit ya if I feel like, I have two adopted (not legally but who gives a shit) sisters @queen-of-the-phantoms and @pokedexcamp! I'm dating @silveredfeathers and living with him and his wife (and now my Girlfriend-??) @trainerlynda.

Adding an addendum: Sometimes we, his Irons, connect to his phone to be able to post. We are;

🐉: Iron Rage. (She/Her)

🕊️: Iron Serenity! (He/They/Fae)

🌋: Iron Eruption. (He/Him)

🌑🌈: Iron Eclipse.

⌛: And sometimes I steal the phone, I'm Chronos his Celebi.

🍞: Thanatos types sometimes too, she has rather broken English so it will likely be autocorrected to hell and back, please tell her if it gets a word wrong, from what I can tell she wants to understand (She/It)

//Open ask games!

Pelipper mail and malice.

Ask an invasive question.

//Magnifying glass ask game!

See his dreams and nightmares.

//A post for you to give me permission for him to hop to your character's dimension! (Either on purpose or by accident.)

//Ooc info under the cut!

//Ooc. This is a sideblog! Unreality. Mod is an adult and goes by she/her he/him pronouns All art I use is my own (Or made for me)! I follow from @theshadowqueenofthedistortion, more info about me on my main! This blog is not settled in one dimension at the moment, so expect conflicting area info. Here's some of my other accounts as well!

//Semi-Serious blog, I will participate in active silliness and also write serious stuff. Will sometimes touch on death, abuse and a few other things, I will tag the serious stuff with their appropriate tw/cw tags.

//I will not ship with anyone who isn't my BF (and myself, but that's a note for later), just for my comfort. This boi does n o t stay in one place, if he goes to visit someone he will get there himself/he fell into that universe by accident.

//Magic anons are allowed! But I am picky.

//I am very open to crossover stuff!

//This guy is very much centered around Future Paradox pokemon! He's not gonna know all the Pokemon's names and will call them 'Irons'. The Iron names are VERY much headcannons unless talking about a cannon Iron.

//When he's on the move things he says aloud will be under

[Voice to text active!] where as when he's actully writing it will be under [Pyrite is typing...]

//What the tags mean.

//Shadow Mod Speaks: Mod speaking.

//Mod Reference: Me and/or Zorana making references for this account

//Shadow Art: Art by me that isn't a ref/finished.

//Pyrite info: Self-Explanatory. For both IC and OOC.

Little Hops: His post/response tag.

Warping Reality: Closed and/or serious RP. I will also use this tag when responding seriously to something.

Where am I today?: When Pyrite is mainly talking to himself.

The Pokemon tags: They are for each respective Pokemon/Iron

Magic Anon Things.: Stuff with magic anons.

Triangle Terror: Pyrite dealing with the truth triangles. He can't turn them off, so hehehe.

[spotsupstuff]

I have been encouraged by the fact that you seem to be tolerating my rants and I was literally JUST thinking about ancient hair so hi I'm invading your askbox yet again but this time with images to back up my chaos

here is a graffiti! Most likely of an ancient, judging by the humanoid stature, the stripes on its body, the little spots, the covered-up eyes (it bugs me how the ancients black out their eyes in artworks. I get that it's probably part of the whole 'abate thine self' mindset but I WANT TO SEE THEIR WHOLE FACES DAMN IT)

But this ancient is missing their tentacle-hair!! This leads me to believe that some ancients either straight-up lack this feature, have lost their tentacles somehow, or perhaps even choose to remove them.

While no other images (that I have currently found, there may be others) depict completely bald ancients, several show them no visible tentacle-hair.

Here is one of the tapestries:

The one on the right has very long and obvious tentacle-hair. The one of the left doesn't appear to have any (unless they do and I'm just blind). I would guess that this ancient just has the shorter variant of the tentacle hair, or be missing it entirely.

This image shows that ancients also canonically have tiny tails!!! This is shown by the ancient on the right, who appears to. um. not be wearing any clothing. My apologies for showing this indecency, it was either this or the Karma 2 tapestry.

Also their feet. Do not get me started on the pure confusion that is ancient feet.

Here is an image which you've shown several times now. In my opinion it's the best depiction of an ancient that we have. I refer to it as 'the holy grail of ancient imagery' (sorry, I'm a nerd).

This ancient has pretty darn short tenta-hair compared to some of the other art. Their bottom three tentacles have extra rings surrounding the little center dot which could be evidence at tenta-hair trimming (I'm kinda grasping at straws here but idk).

There are several other images depicting short tentacle-hair, but I honestly can't tell whether or not those images are actually ancients or just wacky blobs.

ANOTHER THING!!

This dude looks like a skeleton. Does that mean the tentacle-hair have little bones at its base????? The implications of this for the first graffiti I showed, with the ancient with no tentacle hair! The poor dude lost their head bones!

Before I slither back to my cave I would also like to deposit this graffiti:

It's clearly not an ancient, but it appears to have the tentacle-hair. Distant ancestor, perhaps? It may just be a very heavily stylized ancient (body modifications, maybe?) But I mean. Come on. That is pretty clearly some type of aquatic animal. And it looks vaguely like an ancient. ANCIENTS ARE OCEAN CREATURES. FIGHT ME.

This is all wild and rampant speculation, please correct me if I missed something, got something terribly wrong, or if none of this makes any sense whatsoever.

And my apologies for desecrating your askbox again. You may politely tell me to shut up at any point and I'll move my rampant speculation somewhere else

(and I just noticed that someone made Sparrows fanart. Why did I never think of doing this before arghhhh *runs off to find my drawing tablet*)

oh dear god why's there Bone in The Sasanka jaysus fuck video cult what have you done........

though honestly- if u're allowin my opinion- some things are most likely artistic choices. the skeleton hair thing is most likely to definitely an artistic choice of some dude goin "i wanna draw a cool skull but don't wanna miss out on the hair...- oh i know!"

the holy grail one is legit so fuckin good, gods bless- n i'm really sorry to bap at your straws, but yeah, that's probably not much

i can actually tell you for fact that those are attempts at gettin the end of the tentacle more defined/communicated to the viewer or it's leftovers of the sketch in some way. how am i so sure? cuz dear god.

shaking hands with this anonymous lost soul of an Ancient graffiti artist in these chilli's tonight

with feet i'm also pretty sure a lot of stuff is artistic interpretation tangling in! the most canonical feet pic glimpse we get are these

with the rest being so small EITHER cuz of that artistic decision shit or there might be another bound of body horror involved, from either cutting the toes off or doing similar feet binding technique that was a thing in real life China. i like to think the bottoms of their feet still have pedal disks that sea anemones possess n they gotta wrap 'em up like this to avoid sticking to floors cuz that shit is like suction cups

ah yes, karma three mural.... i've had that shit opened on my browser for a month now, i know that one intimately. yeah! that one is the culprit behind every single tail on an Ancient in the whole fandom n i adore it so much. the fact that it's so... sad (lookit the fuckin teeny nub, whatcha gon do with that) made me decide that the lower circles have more proper ones! and -tsk- AAAAAAHR who give a shit bout nudity up in this bitch, this just how we ball. all from the artistic, biological and religious sense, heavens know each time i draw Sparrows from behind without her jacket on i feel like i'm toeing Some kind of line. nudity is just a different kind of deal for them than for us culturally n i think that is super neat actually. taking things that are a given to us n flippin it all on its head is one of my favorite things to do, rule 180° bayyybeeee

n i do NOT mean this in a mean way, this is lighthearted but i'm JGSDKMCLKMKGKSDLCK i get handed a clam with a whale tale with lil geysers on top of it n told "this is Sparrows' great times 1000 grandpapa" JGSKLCKL

LIKE,,, NOT DISPUTING IT CUZ WHO THE HELL KNOWS ANYMORE. SEA ANEMONES WITH BIPEDAL BODY PLAN IS ALREADY SO FUCKIN WEIRD THIS MIGHT AS WELL HAPPEN. i just can't help but see some sorta looney tunes clam whale in it. -dreamy sigh- what if they had looney tunes-esque cartoons...........

but yes, these fucked up things Def came from the oceans cuz the oceans always spit out the strangest shit and i also adore to think that their whole society runs on water energy/steam so the connection of It Came From The Sea with that really tickles my worldbuilding enthusiast brain

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

I'm seeing a lot of online creators I follow falling into increasingly toxic styles of Online Brainrot "Discourse" and its making me really sad. They're getting that flat-behind-the-eyes, closed-mouth-wide-smile look where you can SEE the empathy, kindness and connection to reality dying.

I want to comment and tell them I'm worried abt them but ik it comes off as condescending. at least one of them is a lot younger than me (19yo) and as someone who went through a version of this at that age, it breaks my heart. I know I may just have to unfollow and let them hit rock bottom on this themselves, but.... Christ! Fuck!!!!

and the worst part is that they all seem totally convinced that they've ESCAPED The Brainrot, that they're COMBATTING it, that they've found the "truth" behind the Brainrot and are the ones (sometimes ~The Only Ones~) who are brave enough to tell the world. its not conspiracy crap, just really REALLY bad takes like

"fandom is inherently anti-intellectual, discourages analysis and understanding of texts and needs to be slowed/stopped/actively fought against BECAUSE FANDOM IS DANGEROUS!!!1!!!1!!!1"

or

"being the CEO of a children's clothing brand automatically puts you at suspicion of being a P3d0 because why else would you look at little children's bodies so much" (this one baffles me fr, like??? where do you think all children's clothes come from if not from people designing and making them?)

like just bad, stupid takes that border on paranoia but also you can kinda see how they escalated from other less drastic Terminally Online mindsets

but these ppl used to be saying stuff that was smart, or at least funny and interesting, and in a lot of cases these opinions/styles of content are 180-degree shifts over a week or even a day

like honey. i mean this with all the care and genuine respect I can give. you're not serving hot takes, you're wrong- but more importantly your behavior is really concerning. you're starting fights in your comments and then putting them on blast in main posts/reels. "the haters" have become a stock character for you. you're doing 180 turns on things that used to be core beliefs. please get offline, like FULLY offline, and re-discover the world for a while- and maybe really do seek help. not in the funny online-insult "seek help". I Am Really Worried About You.

god. fuck. so many of these content creators are like 19 years old, and honestly I wish I could magically be in a role/place/physical location to help them because I'M WORRIED. worried like checking-their-feed-now-scares-me-because-im-worried-they-will-have-harmed-themselves. not because they've made any threats but bc their regular content has shifted so drastically and quickly to be angry, cynical and that kind of smiling-with-nothing-behind-the-eyes self-centered Righteous Hate that is indicative of

well

of something going deeply wrong inside

fuck im sry this is just rly upsetting me rn

(ALSO TO BE CLEAR. THIS IS NOT A VAGUEPOST TO ANYONE ON TUMBLR. THIS IS HAPPENING PRIMARILY OR ENTIRELY ON OTHER PLATFORMS. TUMBLR IS THANKFULLY, FOR THE MOST PART, FAR PAST THIS. TUMBLR IS FOR ALL ITS FAULTS A WELL REGULATED ECOSYSTEM THAT KEEPS THIS KIND OF BS LIMITED TO CERTAIN SMALL ECHO CHAMBERS. ITS WHY IM ON HERE AS MY PRIMARY SOCIAL MEDIA.)

[system-of-a-feather]

To be honest, as much grief as I was going through the past week or so in regards to my realization regarding my subsystem and how cruel and unfair the previous unsplit version of me was treated, I kind of have come to find some joy (for a lack of better words, engagement might be better but thats a weird word to use for this sentence) in the position I've found myself in.

The vent below that I reblogged cause I found it relatable had a like "Someone has to do it" which really resonated with my current place in processing, because I really wanted nothing to do with this system and had to be told "if you dont give us minimal information we are likely going to - intentionally or not - be around you more so its easier if you tell us important info sk we can leave you alone" to engage with the parts here at all

And while that was comfortable, I was also really just stewing in annoyance and misanthropy. I didn't want to have to do shit, I didn't care about shit and I just wanted to have some moments of peace

But honestly? After this realization and a week of grief, it kinda made me realize how toxically self absorbed and self centered I was being. Justifiably so (and this is about me not anyone else in a similar situation) from what I hold, but even if justifiable, the self absorbtion and negativity did me little to improve my situation or make me feel good - or really anything.

It's only when I hit this moment of grief and realization of my place in the picture of my subsystem did it click into place that I am more than just here by myself and honestly, only then did it make me realize I have the autonomy and choices to make in life. Previously I was focused on comfort and my needs that I forgot that life is about living and not just managing my energy.

It really wasn't until I reflected on the tragedy that is our subsystem splitting that I really began to look beyond my bubble and see that there is more to life than energy management and being grumpy and honestly, that realization has - on its own - made me a lot happier.

I'm motivated to engage in the world some and I'm motivated to experience new things and trust the parts in the system, hell, even perhaps people out of the system.

So I really resent the situation that got me here and I hate that its unfair and cruel, but at the same time, it gave me - well, fuck it, quoting NF cause Im a mega fan

Some would say having a mental breakdown is a negative thing

Which on one hand, I agree with

On the other hand, it was the push I needed

To get help and start the healing process, see if

I'd have never hit rock bottom, would I be the person that I am today? I don't believe so

The grief gave me invaluable insight and perspective. I struggle to feel right cursing it for that, which is a feeling I can hold together with the acknowledgement that it should have never happened. I can both thank it and wish it never happened.

[inkthecat]

OC - Lark Penn

sometimes you impulsively make an oc at 2 am and then you keep turning them around in your head for the next few hours unable to sleep because theyre so skrunkly and suddenly its 6 am and you NEED to draw them. anyway this is my baby lark i love them very much

pokemon oc if it wasnt obvious already dkfjlasdkjflasd but aaahhhhh theyre so baby aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

lark penn, they/them, 16 years old, from eterna city in sinnoh, so very tired. aspiring artist with a special love for sculpture. their parents are kinda busy 24/7 so they just kinda raised themselves (and they had really nice elderly neighbors who taught them how to cook and also how to do a mean right hook if anyone ever tried to hurt them).

more info under the cut if youre interested!

they wear loose, long sleeved clothing with less saturated colors, and almost always wear a scarf. when they were younger they believed the flowy ends could be wings. theyre emotionally and socially awkward (like me :D) and cant handle people being around them very well. they always put in earbuds with music when they go grocery shopping (also me afdbfasffhhfcgfbn)

they really really like flying types. they met ven the zubat in a cave somewhere while they were stumbling along looking for cool rocks. they didnt have any pokemon at that point so ven kind of maybe poisoned them a bit (there are a lot of humans that come through the ravaged path and a good percentage of them dont do anything good. flash bright lights, break parts of the walls, litter, etc etc) and lark was like. oh. that sure happened. and theyre like "hey mx. zubat? uh. do you know the way out? i get that you poisoned me out of a sense of self defense so ill see myself out but im kinda lost also i probably need medical help" and ven is like. bestie you fr right now and shows them out of the cave where they promptly collapse and ven kinda likes this human at this point so they go get help. long story short, woah its lark's first pokemon! theyre besties!

umbra the corviknight was brought to sinnoh as a rookidee by a rich galarian trainer on vacation. sinnoh is very much colder than galar (in my hc at least) and the baby bird's wings could not handle it. consequently her battling was severely hindered, so the entitled rich trainer shoved her off to someone else (who happened to be lark. they were just at the right pokemon center at the right time) and they were having none of it. then they realized umbra would be in a much better home if they accepted her. ven proceeded to leave the rich trainer with poison and a nasty bite on the ankle. umbra has been added to the party! she adapts to the colder climate gradually and with much care from lark

lark isnt a battler but ven definitely is. ven is a fast and bitey little menace who prefers staying unevolved because they love it when people underestimate a tiny zubat and then get obliterated. also they really like being small and sleeping in lark's scarf (and they are kinda scared to become a golbat. they saw a big one being a bully back in the cave and theyre scared evolution will make them meaner. it wont and they know it, but lark doesnt mind ven napping in their scarf for as long as they want to). umbra...umbra likes battling sometimes, but she doesnt like it when its too intense. reminds her of her old trainer. not good. she doesnt mind evolving- her evolution into corvisquire was out of something like fear that she wasnt good enough as a rookidee. lark figured that out, hugged her, and told her that no matter how strong she was theyd always love her. she evolved into corviknight with more love in her heart, and she loves being big enough to fly lark around and to curl around them as they sleep.

haha yup i am so normal about pokemon

[dorkydiaz]

Hello I want your advice on something if you don’t mind? So I’m 23 and haven’t had like a group of friends since high school and I had only my best friend for a few years after I graduated, even though we were living a few hours apart then, but then she passed away and I have had no (in person) friends. I’ve just been really lonely but I had my best friend even if we weren’t in the same space but since losing her I’ve been much lonelier, and my depression is bad but I think it’s a lot from being lonely. Anyways on Saturday my local LGBTQ+ center is having a “speed friending” event and part of me wants to go but part of me is terrified because I’m very awkward socially and I don’t know that I’d have anything interesting to say and I also don’t know exactly how the event works or how structured it is?? I just don’t know how I’d make friends any other way as an adult but the anxiety about going to it is super bad but do you think I should force myself to go? My mom sent the info to me and thinks so but idk what my thoughts are and cannot make a decision to save my life

sweet nonnie, first i am so sorry for your loss <3 my short answer is absolutely you should go! i went through very similar anxiety before deciding to go to my local yarn store's weekly craft circle, and i will give you the same advice both my mom and my therapist gave me: go to the center beforehand and check it out, test the commute, see the space so that part isn't all new on saturday. when you are there you can ask questions about it -- just say "hey i saw you're hosting this event this weekend and i wanted more information" if doing that in person sounds too scary DM them on instagram or see if there is an email on their site, answering the what ifs that i can has always helped me be somewhat less anxious. depending on the structure it might be really easy to be a listener, so be active, ask questions, and they will probably ask you about things too, people usually love talking about themselves! also its kinda like the guy on the bus meme with both sides saying "nobody knows you" so even the littlest things you kind of forget about yourself are brand new information to everyone you'll talk to, which is scary but also makes you interesting! the first time i was going to go to the craft circle, all the signs in the universe were telling me not to go, i missed my bus, i didnt have the money to get a lyft, and i was running late, so i called my mom on the verge of a panic attack because it's not perfect im giving up i will try again next week, and she sent me the money for the lyft and stayed on the phone with me until i got there. all that to say, use your support system, it sounds like your mom is rooting for you so use that to your advantage <3 another thing you can do it just keep showing up at the center's events in the future too! even if they are not friending specific, if you have time see if they need volunteers. just keep showing up and someone will see you. I am also terribly socially awkward and anxious so i 100% get it, all of that is much easier said than done, but i promise it is worth it to do it scared. you are doing a hard thing, so be kind and gracious with yourself, but also do a little tough self love. i believe in you. you got this.

[proxissima]

Okay, here me out though:

If Rei is having an affair with someone, doesn’t Toshinori as himself make sense?

- he’s unfamiliar (new to the area) and therefore less likely to be someone known to Endeavor

- he’s pretty much the opposite of Enji in every way in this form, not just physically but emotionally and socially

- he might be awkward and a bit self-deprecating but at the heart remains someone who puts others first, cares about their comfort and being reassuring, apologizes frequently (which we know Enji does not), and tends to be gentle in the rest of his mannerisms — when he isn’t trying to cringe away from being noticed. if Enji takes up space, Toshi’s practically trying to give it away

- his philosophy behind “I am here!” is to put people at ease, to make them feel safe. can’t imagine how relieving that would feel to Rei, even if it wasn’t coming from the usual source

Sorry for the late reply, my little cousin was over on the weekend (full time job) and I wanted to give this some more thought!

Ngl, I haven't paid attention to the ship all that much, until now. I primarily considered it because I was thinking along the lines, "What can be done so that Enji suffers the most? >:)", and what could possibly surpass the humiliation that is his wife having an emotional (and physical) affair with the one person that Enji centered his entire life around to defeating? ...And I'm saying this as someone who loves Enji lmao.

You made a good comparison between Enji and Toshi, and I also think it's really interesting just how starkly contrasting Toshi's own normal character is compared to his hero persona, even if his core ideology stays the same; very much like Clark Kent vs Superman. (I wanted to make a post about this... it's there, somewhere in my drafts...)

Toshi and Enji being so opposite personality-wise makes for a fascinating factor in the relationships of this love triangle (both individually with Rei and also Toshi & Enji among each other), considering that those dynamics are kind of reversed as Endeavor and All Might.

Anyway, it's kinda funny how there's a 2.20 meters tall blond giant running around, who always happens to be in the same street clothing as All Might and in the exact same area too, and no one's been able to connect the dots.

On that notion, I love the idea that when Toshi is speaking comforting words to Rei in a deeper tone than he'd usually use for his skinny form, Rei can't help but feel an extreme sense of familiarity, but just could never place it.

...Or maybe she did, once, promptly froze, looked back at Toshi – really looked at him – took note, in that moment more intensely than ever, of his coughing, the sunken, tired eyes and the scar spanning a good part of his slim torso; and then went, "Yep, I must be going insane to have even considered the possibility for more than half a second". It's what put her at ease, even if a minuscule, treacherous part of her mind keeps nagging at her, what if, what if.

Depending how prevalent and violent the emotional and physical abuse has become in her actual marriage, in her darkest and loneliest moments, the thought makes its way back to the forefront of her mind, and she entertains the silly little fantasy for a while. What it would be like if her lover actually happened to be All Might in secret. What it would be like to be officially in a relationship with him. How Enji, Endeavor, would react to it.

It's the last question that all her thoughts ultimately spiral towards. It fills her with grim satisfaction; knowing that Enji's greatest rival is taking the No. 1 title from him, and now his wife, too, besting him not just at his profession but also in private... It would drive Enji mad, leave him fractured, in the same way he's been chipping away at her.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Dancer!Phan (4) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three

Dancer (wattpad) - tcosmos

Summary: A fanfiction where Dan Howell, the confident and self centered professional ballet dancer meets Philip Lester, the blundering 17 year old guy who started taking classes not so long ago.

Dance With Me - cocktailaunt

Summary: Popular!Phil wants to ask Shy!Dan to the school dance.

Drink Up Your Movements (Still I Can’t Get Enough) (ao3) - obsessive-fics (xoPrincessKayxo)

Summary: All Dan, an extremely skilled ballet dancer, wants to do is make it through the next dance competition. So extra rehearsals with Izzy, a ballerina he’s known forever, are just another step towards the win. What he doesn’t expect, is the constant, extremely distracting presence of Izzy’s older brother, Phil.

Falling for you (ao3) - Phantje

Summary: Moving out is probably the most exciting thing that has ever happened in Dan's life so far. It's an overwhelming experience which he wasn't too keen on having in the first place. Now that it's settled that Dan will move, he only has to worry about the normal stuff: making his new apartment feel like home and finding friends. All of this is already really crazy for Dan who has not yet seen much of the world. Of all the things he didn't anticipate, falling for a voice on the phone wins the price by far. How is he supposed to concentrate on his work when his life keeps taking unexpected turns?

Got It (ao3) - Spring_Haze

Summary: Dan surprises his partner with a little stress relief while traveling on tour.

Here We Go (ao3) - beware_phangirl (dantiloquent)

Summary: in which PJ’s shooting a ‘kinda romantic’ film, Phil’s dancing with other youtubers and Dan is just coming along for the ride.

i'll spend forever wondering if you knew (ao3) - rosecolouredjosh

Summary: Dan came to his parents house in London for the annual charity event where his mother is responsible for the catering. As he had been helping her in this event since he was a kid, he was already preparing himself to the feel extremely out of place and lonely.

But maybe, someone could help him enjoy the night a little more.

its just a dance, lover (ao3) - lilyxxxooo

Summary: When at his brother's wedding, Phil can't help but feel sad that he has no one to dance with. Briefly based off "Lover" by Taylor Swift

Lightyear Groovin' (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: In a galaxy far, far away, there’s an abundance of 70s clubs. On Krithoo, local party freak Dan Howell works as a waiter at an often overcrowded cantina, Virgo Volans. And maybe, just maybe, has an infatuation with the extraterrestrial dj frequenting their stage.

Lucky (ao3) - lilyxxxooo

Summary: Dan and Phil are at a Lester family party with their two children: Emily, 7 and Colby, 2. Phil spends the night twirling them both on the dance floor and Dan spends the night watching his husband and wondering how he got so lucky

Oh Well, Oh Well (ao3) - incandescentphan

Summary: Phil never expected to find a home in the arms of a dancer.

Pleasers (ao3) - philsbignaturals

Summary: In which Dan is a former stripper and Phil appreciates their services

Shut Up and Dance (ao3) - spacemanlevi

Summary: Dan finds a beautiful man at a friends wedding, he just hopes he can work up the courage to ask for a dance.

Strictly Come Dancing but make it GAY (ao3) - natigail

Summary: @danielhowell: maybe i’d actually consider doing @bbcstrictly if they allowed same-sex couples. who wouldn’t want a sexy man spinning you around? it’s not just a girl’s dream. c'mon people let’s see some pretty and fierce girls pair up and handsome and strong boys get it on. i dare you.

Dan Howell calls Strictly out on Twitter for not allowing any same-sex couples and accidentally volunteers himself to be one of the contestants if they were to change that. It was a joke. It had so clearly been a joke. Why did they take him up on it?! He’s sure he’ll trip over his own feet and hate every second, but then he meets his partner, the endearingly clumsy dancer Phil Lester.

take a breath and dance (ao3) - lyricallyharley, writtennotsung

Summary: When Phil takes his friend's daughter to dance lessons, he doesn't expect to meet a dad who has a passion for dancing himself, and who's story is, well, interesting to say the least.

thrill me, chill me, fulfill me (ao3) - sadlybunny

Summary: Phil is playing Rocky in an upcoming production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and is sent to work with a choreographer for extra help on a song. A choreographer that turns out to be extremely fit, and a song that turns out to be extremely sexual.

Tiny Dancer (wattpad) - tipsy-mermaid

Summary: Dan is a ballet dancer and Phil just really likes watching him when he's not practicing for his next boxing match.

Will it All Turnout Okay? (ao3) - katicanteven

Summary: Dan is a dancer. Phil stumbles into the studio with the intention of taking some ballet classes, but ends up with more than just good technique.

[wearycopiedwizard]

Fullmetal alchemist kinda has a weird turn when it comes to the themes attached to chimeras. In the first half of the story, it shows chimeras as having a physically and mentally torturous experience, but as the show moves on we meet chimeras who are less broken in that sort of way, but still live a pained existence because the state has denied them the ability to return to their previous lives and uses them as disposable tools. In fact every chimera before this was also a tool made by someone in power with little regard for them as anything other than a tool. This is a shift from a "this is wrong because you are playing god" to a "this is wrong because you are actively degrading the living creatures within it to be a tool".

As a chimera myself (although often human passing) I think I have something to say about this. Before my first two selves were melded, I was was a raven who lived as ravens often do, scavenging socializing, raising my children etc. But I was also a human, and honestly one that was much too full of itself. My human part decide that it would be great if humans could adopt the best traits of animals. It had a lot of respect for the idea of life, but absolutely no respect for the life that lived in front of it. Of course its superiors saw this, and denied it its subjects. This is where my two parts met, my raven self was so scared of my human self, so when the two joined the human's ego died upon realizing how self centered it was, how much it had hurt it's new half, what life and freedom it had taken away from it for its sole benefit. Many of my magical discoveries where driven by the desire to undo myself, but I eventually learned that I couldn't. And I eventually accepted it. In the couple hundred years since I have met my other parts, and have joined with them cordially. My wolf self was dying on the side of the road, wanting to live just a little bit longer when it met my other parts. My spider self lived in my study for a while, and wished to understand things on a greater scale. The ameoba had great intelligence, yet no way to perceive the world. The joining with my lizard self was honestly an accident, but i didn't take long to appreciate the merge, hard scales and regeneration might not seem like a fair trade for warmth, but warmth is very nice. Oh, I got carried away reminiscing. What was my point? Ah, well the tragedy of chimeras is that multiple lives become collapsed into one two potentials, two sets of infinite possibilities become one. The guilt I felt for doing it once was great, but I learned that it wasn't so bad. However merging two others together as a tool is worse than what I did, i have always been binding my own fate and have always been merging perspectives, gaining greater understanding, people who merge creatures to anything other than themselves learn nothing from it, they are just making tools out of living flesh and bone, not to mention the mass use of enchantment spells to control the chimeras against there wills. Why the hell Is this more acceptable than necromancy that simply puppets bones as tools? Well, probably optics. Anyways, FMA brotherhood is a good show has some good pondering about chimeras.

[anyasmcm]

December 5th - 11th research

Observational research:

Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (DHMIS) Red Guy:

Red Guy from DHMIS is a character whose face is concealed by his red, stringy face. In his character, his inability to show facial expressions manifests itself in his skeptical and detached outlook on life. He expresses himself through gestures and tone of speaking, which is typically monotonous. Even when he finds himself in dangerous situations, he remains indifferent. It's unclear whether his behavior comes from being unable to express himself in a similar way to his friends, Yellow Guy and Duck Guy.

Red guy is such a unique character to me because his expression and appearance are devoid of personality. This is not what I want to do with my piece, but I instead want to conceal and present personality in my work. I want my appearance to represent aspects of me. However, he's a great model for how someone appears or presents themself when they only have gestures and tone to rely on.

Atlas to the Heart by Brene Brown:

I read a little bit of the Google Books preview of Brene Brown's book, and her writing on the feelings of being stressed and overwhelmed was really interesting. I liked her comparison to anxiety as "being in the grass" and overwhelmed as "blown".

It made me think about the space we provide for space in conversation and the indicators that we use to communicate we need that space. Some people get quiet when they need space, others lash out to push people out of that space, and others just avoid communicating to maintain their space. I feel like the easy part is getting that space, but it is so difficult to communicate that you need someone to enter your space to help you out, such as "being in the grass".

This led me to think about a video I watched from Khadija Mbowe on finding a definition for love. They define love as "a space of mutual creation where the desire is to nurture the spiritual journey of everyone in said space". I think in communication and life in general, we often struggle to find that space and nurture that space continuously. However, I think its so difficult to attach a definition to love, even Khadija's definition doesn't cover it entirely. I think their definition is great for platonic and familial love, but when it comes to romantic love it is an entirely different thing.

“Love is never any better than the lover. Wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly, stupid people love stupidly, but the love of a free man is never safe. There is no gift for the beloved. The lover alone possesses his gift of love. The loved one is shorn, neutralized, frozen in the glare of the lover’s inward eye.” - Toni Morrison, The Bluest Eye

So in relation to Brown and Khadija, how we communicate and create that space for ourselves is so reliant on communication. Something I struggle with a lot is how to properly communicate, especially in relation to love. I also watched this video on love without attachment, which made me think about how certain behaviors we do when we are in love are manipulative and self-centered, rather than working on nurturing the space for that relationship, like Khadija says.

This wasn't really anything that led me to have any identifiable lightbulbs in relation to my work so far, but I'm just kinda brewing on all of this at the moment.

Active research:

I decided to put myself out there and branch some of the research I have been doing in Capstone into one of my other classes. I am taking Images of Science in Literature with Professor Dayal, and for my final project I am going to make a 3-4 min mockumentary about communication. The project is due on the 14th and I am doing filming Monday (Dec. 11th) evening, so I do not have the finished product yet. However, I do have a rough plan for the inner workings of the project, which I will post below. This doesn't mean that I haven't been working or thinking about things specifically for this class, but I figured that this would be a great chance to experiment with my work in a setting that forces me to establish a new form of communication alongside having to perform in front of people/share my work with people. I will post the finished mockumentary on my Tumblr (unless the file is too large) when I complete it.

Establishing How I Will Communicate The plan: People: 2 - Me, Anya, and my neighbor Sam. (Possibly a 3rd person to help with filming) Goal: Sam will attempt to understand what I am trying to communicate with him without having any prior knowledge of how I will communicate to him. If Sam fails to understand what I’m communicating, it’s not a matter of restarting or re-scripting, the goal is to have this remain as genuine and true as possible. IT WILL BE AWKWARD! Layout: There will be 3 separate parts to this mockumentary. 1: The interaction - Shot first

These shots will be exclusively Sam interacting with me and attempting to understand what I am saying. 2: My Interview - shot 2nd

These shots will fill in between the interaction shots and give some insight onto my character (or none at all) 3: Sam’s interview - shot 3rd

These shots will fill in between the interaction shots and give some insight on Sam’s experience with the creature. These shots will try to be as genuine as possible with limited scripting. The goal of this layout is to ensure there are mockumentary elements in the film, but also that there is some insight provided on Sam’s end so he can share what he is experiencing. Editing: I haven’t thought much about the editing, but I’d like to watch some of What We Do in the Shadows for inspiration on mockumentary style filming. I may need a 3rd person to help with the filming, in which case it’ll probably be a VA&T peer so there can be close-ups and things like that. I can also edit close-ups in After Effects, but I think there is something about having a physical person behind the camera to do close-ups that makes it feel more ‘mockumentary-like’.

Costume: Ghillie Suit and Dunks Unpacking the background of each: Ghillie suit: used to blend in with the environment – my suit is green and brown so it is used in forests and leafy/grassy regions. Concealing is a huge part of it – staying hidden. Dunks: basketball shoes turned into skateboarding shoes. 1985 marketing: “Be True To Your School” – dunks were made to rep schools/school colors. Became a staple in skateboarding after the dunk was neglected and was affordable and cheap for skaters. SHOWS THE ADAPTABILITY OF THE SHOE AND ITS ACCESSIBILITY. Bottles: Bottles are merely things that hold something which humans want to consume. It is for this reason that they are discarded after their contents are consumed. They also can litter the street and be found all over the city in highly populated areas. Bottles also have attached meaning, through things like the Health Warning Statement on drinks containing alcohol or caffeine content. They also have attached meaning through advertisements, specifically Coke and Sprite. Both drinks are extremely present during the holidays, such as the LeBron “Wanna Sprite Cranberry?” meme and the iconic Coke polar bear during the holidays. While that meaning may not be consciously aware to us, who typically focus on the contents of the beverage rather than the surrounding meaning, the way they are advertised or consumed creates that meaning. If someone sees a Coke ad with smiling, happy families, they could deduce that Coke makes you happy and gives you a sense of belonging (which isn’t the case). If someone sees someone sitting on the sidewalk with a bottle of alcohol in their hands, they can deduce that alcohol makes you sleepy, depressed, isolated, or some other assumption.

Background: The creature I will be acting as originates from a culture of concealing itself in a very specific environment, but its recently acquired dunks represent its desire to adapt, change, and absorb the culture surrounding it. Essentially, the creature sticks out like a sore thumb in an urban environment, but its incorporation of dunks into its attire shows a desire to be part of the environment it finds itself in and also to understand what that represents in its environment. The creature typically moves by crawling on the ground, but also making quick movements from one place to another, to conceal itself from others. However, after entering the environment it finds itself in, the creature understands that the urban jungle is not a place it can conceal itself among foliage. The creature walks curiously, but also cautiously, as it navigates this environment. The creature uses popular culture as its main device for communication. Its experiences in the city have led it to view bottles, which it can find on the street or in the trash, as its main communication device. After consuming human culture, it perceives the advertisements and appearances of these beverages as a way in which it can express its emotions or what it is feeling.

Gestures/Expressions: I want to establish base gestures that the creature uses to communicate. These gestures originate not from a historical or cultural context, but rather my understanding and creation of this creature. If there are similarities found between the gestures/expressions and those of other cultures or human culture, it is not intentional. That’s not to say that these gestures and expressions that I create are devoid of human influence, since I myself am a human. I just want to express that they are derived from my understanding of this creature I have created. The creature is struggling to learn how it can adapt itself to fit within an urban environment. A lot of the communication it used in its environment at home is now out-of-place in an urban setting. Therefore, when the creature tries to communicate, it has to assume the position it would while in its home environment, since it has not found a way to communicate in an urban environment. That’s not to say the creature is not adaptable, but it does not have the context to create new language in a foreign environment. The list below of gestures was generated using ChatGPT. I wanted to ask what basic forms of expression I can use to cohesively communicate with another person. I used the framework of the expressions it gave, such as a greeting or a farewell, but I want to avoid using the gestures it recommends since they are based on human-expression rather than a different species. Here is the convo: https://chat.openai.com/share/6de156d2-42d9-426a-ae92-158f445707e0 I will say that by using human expressions as a framework for creating these gestures, I am embracing human interaction and not creating an entirely individual and separate form of communication. I also am limiting the creature to this framework of communication, which means the creature itself may appear unintelligent, or limited in its ability to communicate. The intent is not to limit its intelligence or create a lens of being ‘lesser’, but rather to display the creature’s struggle to enter and conform to this new environment it finds itself in.

Gesture 1: Greeting [Coke bottle] Gesture 2: Farewell [Not sure] Gesture 3: Expressing Gratitude [Wine bottle?] Gesture 4: Showing agreement [Water bottle] Gesture 5: Disagreement or negotiation [Pepsi bottle] Gesture 6: Confusion [Squished soda can] Gesture 7: Approval or appreciation [Hennessy bottle???] Gesture 8: Disapproval or dislike [full soda bottle] Gesture 9: Requesting attention [Energy drink?] Gesture 10: Expressing sadness or empathy [Blue Moon bottle wrapped in paper bag]

[jrueships]

Luka (Keldon’s bf Luka not Luka Luka 💀) changed his Insta pfp to the Joker and reposted a video of the Jake paul fight to his story….. this is absolutely the worst day of my life 😭 KELDON GET YOUR MAN I DONT LIKE THE WAY HES ACTING 😭

OKAY SO... IM GLAD AND ALSO HATE THAT U SAID THIS CUS LIKE... IM NOT TRYING TO REACH OR DIG BUT LIKE... OKAY... JUS HEAR ME OUT... THIS GOT ME A LIL MESSED UP FOR A HOT SEC HANG ON. LEMME TALK BOUT SMTHIN REAL FAST

Okay so.. keldons birthday AND the day luka got waived bcus the nba hates gay people.. keldons getting interviewed on his bday. Love that 4 him! Keldon love!

A reporter asked smthin abt keldons bday, nice small talk, happy keldon, love wins

BUT THEN someone asks how keldon feels about luka getting waived ... and you can just See in keldons face how he Really feels about it.

But he's a professional and doesn't wanna start anything so he basically said like 'things just didn't work out.. y'know?' he just really wants to move on from discussing the topic

BUT THEY KEEP ASKING!! because they did their research and SAW how close luka and keldon were and keldons just 💧💧💧 'yknow, yknow, yknow' a keldon classic fill in phrase go to.

Reporter: asks another luka question*

Keldon:

😐. his voice is naturally kinda shakey but you can really hear it kinda tremble, & it's like.. keldon.... you can just say you're sad to see him go... reporters are saying like 'you spent some time in the gleague together' and he's like 'haha yeah... we grew up with each others....' AND ITS LIKE.... KELDONN :-((((.....

reporter: do you feel like this shows how cold business can be sometimes ?

Keldon: haHah well- uh- i mean, I dunno- business is business, yknow ?

Like i Get It, you don't wanna start something ESPECIALLY with the media who take the tiniest statements and snowball them into drama (so kinda what im doin LOL bUT IM DOIN IT FOR PURELY MY OWN ANALYSIS, NOT TO RUIN OR GAIN REP) , but you shouldn't be afraid to express your feelings either !!!!! Like that's one of the things i kinda worry about keldon becoming a bigger front figure for spurs. Like YES i love him getting more attention BUT ITS LIKE... he's becoming the comical, happy go-lucky rep n that's CUTE but like... keldon.. u don't Have to be happy or funny all the time... im not saying what he presents isn't real, but he Is a pretty big showoff. Likes impressing people and keeping them happy.. i dunno.. i just want him to know he can be sad sometimes!!!! It's okay!!!!

AND THEN THE WHOLE LUKA THING... OKAY.. SO... instagram luka is. Wow. Okay.

The joker pfp change??!?? OMG... THANK U FOR TELLING ME. i don't really keep up with others social media unless i remember to check in every now n then out of curiosity, so i take ANY media updates from anyone i can Get. thank u and also ARRRGH for this info bcus... it's only adding more ideas into my head that i Do Not like....

So the joker pfp. From the newer movie joker😭😭 YIKES. Men really love turning to that for feelings ... so he in his feelings... the Jake Paul fight... im not even gonna Speak on that BUT BASICALLY... bruh turning to weird shit out of personal feelins. he wylin and keldon isn't getting him. He wylin BECAUSE keldon isn't getting him.

He just posted some will smith thing ( which is like. Don't even get me started on will idek WHATS goin on with him... ) and the video was basically will saying smthin about the road to success being a journey you have to go on alone?? And people won't believe you can do it? IDK i have bad memory but it was basically some lone wolf anguish and it's like.... yikes..

SO WHAT I MEAN IS... u got professionalism keldon and isolation luka which is Not a good combo... but an even worse cause and effect.

You got keldon in an interview trying to smile his way through tough questions about his (boy)friend getting waived and then his (boy)friend jokerfies himself and becomes obsessed with the idea of clawing your way upstream with the entire world turning against you . Like. Yikes. Yikes yikes. YKNOW cus it's not like deebos trade then kyle answering interviews with 'my friends upset so im upset.' you get... 'business is business... yknow ? '

and its not like luka got Traded, he got straight Cut. Not even trade material. while he doesn't get the inhumane feeling of only being a pawn in a giant trade game, he gets no feelings at all. Not from his team and not from keldon, not in public , anyways. And it's Understandable . But it Hurts. Because it's understandable .

[enderspawn]

hhnngngn this might be rambley bc im still trying to organize my thoughts n stop them from just rattling around in my head but. god chip is just. defined by his guilt.

from the moment the black rose went down, from when he saw arlin get swallowed up in that ocean to save him, from the moment he became haunted-- its just been guilt. the base of all of this is built on the back of that initial survivors guilt and has been compounded by every event hes gone through since.

gillion vanishing like that just brought everything back, bc its the same thing again-- he loved someone and they got hurt and vanished and its because of him. whether its because he offered them a card (he didn't, the other two even said he didnt, but he did in his own eyes) or because he got the cards in the first place or even because he pulled gillion onto that fucking boat.

theres some part of him that feels like all of the tragedies in his life are connected via the one thing they have in common: him. he is the issue.

and normally its enough for him to hide that away behind a cocky ego and self aggrandizement and caring only abt himself and later his few loved ones (because by god all he wants is to be loved) it doesnt get rid of the problem. it only invites more people in to eventually get hurt. arlin, the black rose, price, ollie, gillion-- fuck, even things like putting roofus and amber in danger just by being around them.

that's why seeing the crew was the final straw for him, the thing that broke him. because the moment he fucking left their lives, they thrived. all without him. surely they, and everyone else, would be better off without him around to fuck things up.

bc thats what he is, isnt he?

a fuck up. a mistake.

a bastard.

the core of the issue really is just. his own self-loathing. its fueled by his guilt and then the guilt is made worse by the self loathing in a fucked up ouroboros.

i think chip is also a lot more introspective than people give him credit for. i think its bc of his dont-care brash kinda persona, but he's really cognizant of his own thoughts. its just… that entire thing is also tainted by his own poor self image.

he can recognize that his desire to make his own crew with jay and gillion and keeping ollie around is all just him trying to recapture the black rose. that's not… something EASY to recognize, that your own actions are fueled by this self-internalized desire. but because of his loathing, he views it as selfish. that he doesnt actually care for these people (he does so much it hurts), only what they can give him and how they compare to his past he can't escape.

thats what fucking haunts him, it's his own past. its the fragile reflection of this bygone age he can never return to because he can never be that little boy again.

chip has spent over half his fucking life just trying to reclaim that past-- to find arlin and drey and finn and to have his own crew to be the loving family he's cursed to never have. he wants something he can be proud of, something arlin would be proud of so that he never has to face the idea that arlin won't like who hes become, because that's the only thing that has kept him afloat.

and god fuck. thinking over it now, he knows arlin is out there now. he knows that, and he knows his best chance would be with the riptide crew-- with drey and his friends. he knows arlin is suffering. but. he still wants to leave.

and he thinks himself so selfish for it but hes selfless, he's giving up everything hes known and had because he thinks, hopes, prays, that it will spare the people he loves. "if you love them let them go" kind of thing. he wont be with them but they'll be better off without him and all he rlly wants is for them to be okay.

and god i. i touched on him seeing his own introspection through the lens of selfishness. and in a way, chip is an inherently selfish character. or at least a self-centered one. he cares most about him and his loved ones, he often acts without considering how it will impact others and only based on his own desires, and he presents with an ego the size of mars.

but fuck he is so selfless-- even more so now that he's been with the riptide pirates, especially gillion and his ideals of being a "hero". but even his own low self-worth contributes to his selflessness.

on joaldo island, when the three of them and la alma were locked in with the baron, he signed to be the paramount champion. they didn't know if the contract was magically binding, if he would be stuck, but he signed it anyway because it was the only way to protect everyone else from doing it-- even la alma, who he barely knows! but he cares for him and that means he's willing to do what it takes regardless (its the right thing to do, chip wants to do right he wants to be good but its been trained out of him by the need to survive first and foremost-- focus on yourself bc thats all you have)

we even saw it this episode with the compass. he knows its evil, he knows it can do horrible things to you-- he doesn't care. jay is looking for niklaus, which can't be good, and he has low-enough self preservation to use it anyway because if it works it means they have a way-- they can find gillion, jay doesn't have to make a deal, it will be alright. no matter the cost to chip.

when jay tries to stop him from signing that contract on joaldo, chip just says that he'll figure a way out. that he always does. and that fucking line makes me ache because its true.

chip is like a cockroach. no matter what shit life throws at him, no matter how many tragedies he has to face, he keeps on going. even when it seems aimless, or that it would be pointless (like a 10 year search for a man sunken to the bottom of the ocean)

the sad part is, despite his plans to leave the riptide pirates behind, even if he went through with it.... i think he'd keep on going. it would be just another weight on his shoulders to carry and he'd go on. keeping to himself, isolated and hurting and so very alone, but at least he isnt hurting anyone. maybe he'd return to the solo-sailing lifestyle, returning to his pointless search because he doesnt know what else he can do.

but that would like… i think kind of be it for him in a way. he's alive, but he stops trying to reach out. hes alive, but life has beaten the endurance out of him to keep trying for anything better.

idk this whole post reads as really melodramatic n angsty n shit but listen im in my feelings. let me live, MOM.