#its really gross to put it mildly)

[front-facing-pokemon]

[clamorybus]

its insane how my small town of <10,000 is more diverse than the majority of hollywood productions that are set in major cities

[caffeinatedopossum]

I'm so tired hngg

[spotsspeciall]

Factory meetings vol.2 - LN4

Lando Norris x fem!reader

summary: second part to: Factory meetings

notes: Better late than never lol. Sorry for the long wait! But I write everything on PC, and of course something happened to it so I had to get it fixed. And not only that, but when I sat down to finally write, I had major writer's block! But here it is!! FINALLY!!

warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI. smut (double smut bby), unprotected (wrap it before you tap it!) p in v, language, jealous!Lando, rough, fingering, soft!Lando (shit got real at the end lol)

word count: 10k

masterlist

It had been a week since it happened. And next week you were supposed to see him again, the Chinese grand prix coming up. You were freaking out to put it mildly. 

You had spent your off time at home, and you had shared what happened with Sophie. And as you suspected, she was shocked and a little grossed out. But you knew she would come around. And she did, so she asked you about all the details, when you told her, the two of you screamed and laughed together. Now the whole thing had turned into a sort of inside joke between you and Sophie. 

But as the race week was coming up, you got more and more nervous. What was he going to act like now? You really didn’t want to face him, knowing what the two of you had done together. But you couldn’t stop thinking about it, day and night, it was seared into your brain. (But you didn’t want to stop thinking about it either.)

Walking into the paddock on Friday, you did your usual routine, unbothered by anyone. You made your way into the garage, and walked over to the workbench against the wall, and started looking through your tools. 

You sorted through a few of them, getting them ready, knowing which ones you would need the most today. 

You enjoyed getting into the garage a little earlier than the others, having some quiet, alone time. And getting in the zone. Focusing on your job so much that you didn’t notice someone walked in.

Lando walked into the garage, knowing you would be here. He only came here for you. He walked up behind you and looked over your shoulder, watching you picking up the different small tools. 

You were so focused, but a familiar scent flooded your nose. He smelled so intoxicating, it literally made your knees weak. And the second it hit you, and you felt his hot breath at the back of your neck. You froze, and dropped the tool in your hand, making a clattering sound as it hit the table. 

“Sorry, did I scare you baby?” 

He was so close to your ear, and you could feel the smirk on his face.

You could not move, or utter a word. So Lando stepped to the side, and leaned his hip against the counter. 

“I’m sorry, I was just curious to see what you were doing” He smiled sweetly at you, making your eyebrows furrow in confusion. 

“I- uh, I was just sorting through my tools, getting the ones I need the most” You answered without thinking, still somewhat confused why he was being nice.

“Oh, ok” he nodded, looking towards the tools like he was thinking about something. 

You felt your jaw clench, and your eyes stared daggers at him. Your brain was connecting the dots. Of course he wasn’t being nice to you, he was looking for ways to annoy you, and tease you.

He reached his hand out to grab a small screwdriver to look closely at it. 

“What is this one for?” He looked up from the screwdriver to meet your eyes with a soft look.

He was not fooling you. Lando could see your whole demeanor had changed. And you could see the look in his eyes changed, for some reason he looked kind of worried? It knocked you off balance, and the look in your eyes softened. 

“Sorry if I'm bothering you, I was just curious” He looked dejected as he went to put the screwdriver back in its place.

Before you had any time to think, your hands flew out to grab onto his hand before he dropped the tool. 

“No, I’m sorry” “You’re not bothering me” Your anxious eyes met his, but he looked back down to where you were both holding the screwdriver, your eyes following after. 

You let his hand go and let out an awkward chuckle. Your eyes looking everywhere but him. But he stretched his hand out to give you the screwdriver. 

“So you want to tell me what it’s for?” His sweet smile had returned, as you were forced to meet his eyes again. 

“Uhm- yeah sure!” You grabbed the tool from his hand and turned on your heel to walk over to the front left tyre suspension. 

You crouched down so your face was closer to the suspension. You turned your head to look for Lando, not feeling him behind you. He was still standing at the counter, so you waved him over. A giggle escaping you when he finally got the hint and walked over. 

Soon enough he was beside you, crouched down just like you. So you pointed a finger to where the suspension was connected to the car. 

“You see those small screws there?”

He looked a bit closer before turning to you. “yeah”

“Yup” “that’s what this is for” you held the screwdriver up as you nodded. 

He let out a small chuckle. “You could’ve just told me that over there” He pointed towards where the both of you had been standing earlier. 

“Yeah, but I wanted to show you.” “It’s good to know your car” You smiled brightly at him.

“Yeah, I guess” he smiled back.

You were just looking into eachothers eyes, completely lost in eachother. Until someone spoke up.

“What are you guys doing?” You looked up to meet the eyes of Jonas, one of your fellow mechanics. 

“Oh- um, I was just showing him what this screwdriver is for” You held the tool up to show Jonas, trying to act as normal as possible, not like you had just been drowning in those gorgeous eyes. 

“Okayyy..” Jonas narrowed his eyes at the pair of you before walking further into the garage. 

You turned your head when you felt Lando stand up. Meeting his eyes when he towered over you, he stretched his hand out for you. It took you a moment to register before you put your hand in his, and he pulled you to your feet. 

Now standing in front of him, you saw his mouth open and close, like he was going to say something. Lando was at a loss for words staring at you. The soft look you had in your eyes as you just looked at him, he felt like no one had ever looked at him that way. But he finally managed to get some words out.

“I- I have to go” “see you later” He nodded, and left before you could even say anything.

When he came back to the garage, to get ready for FP1, you talked with him when he got into the car.

“Everything’s good?” you asked, making sure the car seemed good.

“Yeah” “perfect like always Y/N” He smiled up at you.

“good”... “great”... “alright” You said as you tried to find something else to focus on, walking away to try and pretend to do your job. 

You watched him put on his helmet, and when he finished adjusting it, he looked over at you and gave you a wink before he closed the visor, and drove out of the garage. 

End of the day you walked towards the exit, ready to head back to the hotel. You had walked out with Jonas, getting a ride with him to the hotel. 

Walking to his car, he nudged your side with his elbow. 

“Hey” “What’s going on with Lando?” “I have never seen him like that” He had a sly smirk on his face.

“I really don’t know” “He just asked questions about the car, and I answered” You tried to laugh it off, he could not know what happened between the two of you. 

“Weird” He laughed back.

Lando was standing by his car door, just about to get in before he heard your sweet laugh. He turned his head and watched you and Jonas talking and laughing together. You were standing so close. Lando felt his jaw clench, and his knuckles turned white when he squeezed his fists. 

He watched the two of you get into the car and drive off, smile still present on your beautiful face. A smile he felt should only be for him. An unfamiliar feeling tugged at his heart, a feeling he didn’t like. And he knew the only person who could fix that, would be you. So he sped off after you, towards the hotel .   

You and Jonas arrived at the hotel before Lando, and you didn’t waste any time making your way to your hotel room, saying goodbye to Jonas when you walked out of the elevator. 

Entering your room, You headed straight to the pile of clothes on your bed, your comfy clothes, that you had left there when you had to change out of them this morning. After taking off your bra and putting the comfy clothes on, you collapsed on your bed, exhausted from the long day. You reached for your phone, and opened tiktok. But not even halfway through the first tiktok, there was a knock at your door.

It was quite aggressive, and it didn’t stop knocking. You figured maybe Sophie had just gotten back, and had some gossip to share with you. So you hurried over to open the door. 

You tore the door open to stop the harsh knocking, and expected to be faced with Sophie, but instead you saw an angry looking Lando standing in front of you. You jerked your head back in confusion, and went to ask what he was doing here. But he was quicker.

He took a step forward, making you step backwards so he didn’t collide with you. He shut the door behind him, now in your room. 

“Is he here?” He asked, frantically looking around the room. 

“What?” 

“Is Jonas here?” He was now staring at you, a fire in his eyes. 

“What the fuck are you talking about Norris?” “And what the fuck are you even doing here?” You felt your eyes narrow at him, anger bubbling up inside you. 

“I saw the two of you getting in his car, laughing and shit” “So you two are a thing now or what?” He took a step towards you, now so close that you could feel his breath on your face. 

“Oh my god Lando!” You threw your hands up in frustration and opened your mouth to say more. 

“Is. He. Here?” His voice was so low, and his eyes were so dark when he looked down at you. 

“NO!” You yelled back. 

And before you could tell him to get the fuck out, he grabbed the sides of your face and smashed your lips against his. 

You melted at the kiss, and you snaked your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer to you. You couldn’t control yourself around him. 

Lando was so tense, and so aggressive. But the second you kissed him back, and held onto him. You felt him relax against you. The kiss immediately turning passionate and sweet. 

But Lando was still jealous, and his hunger for you only grew as you kept kissing him back. He took slow steps forward, making you follow him towards the bed. 

Before your legs hit the bed, you felt Lando grab onto the hem of your sweater and swiftly pulled it over your head, your tits bouncing from the sheer force he used. 

His eyes immediately found your chest and he made the softest moan. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you” He muttered.

He tore his own clothes off, and yours. Until you both were completely naked. He wasted no time in capturing your lips again, his hands roaming all over your body, before they found their way to the back of your thighs, squeezing them to signal you to jump. And you did, no hesitation.

A moan escaped your throat when you felt his dick against your inner thigh. But you didn’t even have time to think about it before you back hit the soft mattress, as he threw you onto the bed. 

Opening your eyes, you looked up to see Lando still standing there, looking at you with a hungry look in his eyes before he climbed onto the bed, and made his way between you legs. 

Your legs wrapped themselves around his waist, but he kept enough space between you, so his dick wasn’t near you, making you whine. You just wanted him already. His eyes immediately found yours when you made that sound, catching him off guard. 

“I didn’t know you needed me that bad babe” “Patience darling” He grabbed onto your jaw as he brought your face closer to his and whispered “Patience”. 

You crashed your lips against his, tightening your hold around his waist, trying to pull him closer. When he felt what you were doing, he pulled back and looked down at you with dark eyes. 

“So needy” 

You felt his fingers softly grazing the inside of your thigh, so close to where you needed him. Your hips moved, trying to find his fingers. And he gave in, tracing a finger through your folds.

He pushed a finger slowly inside, making you throw your head back and moan. He saw the effect it had on you, and soon added a second finger. Slowly pushing them in and out. And when he started tracing circles on your clit with his thumb, you were a moaning mess. 

You grabbed a hold of his forearm that was resting on your thigh, and you opened your eyes and met his. He had that same dark look that you were getting used to seeing, and his mouth was slightly open. It was like he was studying your every facial expression, seeing how much effect he had on you. 

You went to close your eyes again, you climax getting close. But he quickly pulled his fingers all the way out, the loss of his fingers making you gasp.

And when you opened your eyes to look at him, you saw him slowly bring his fingers to his mouth, he sucked his fingers clean and let out a groan at the taste. 

“Fuck, you taste so sweet” 

Without warning his fingers entered you again, forcefully sliding in and out. It made you arch your back from the sudden pleasure. You squeezed your eyes shut and grabbed a hold of the sheets beneath you. 

It didn’t take long until he was satisfied and pulled them back out. And before you could complain again, he was above you. 

You opened your eyes to see his face hovering above yours, you looked deep into his eyes, completely mesmerized. Until you felt something wet on your lips. You looked down to see the fingers he just had inside you.

“Now be a good girl and open up”

And you did. Slowly opening your mouth and welcoming his fingers. 

You could taste yourself, and it made you moan. Sucking his fingers completely clean, swirling your tongue around the two digits. You could see it in his eyes, just how weak you made him. 

He went to pull his fingers out of your mouth, but before they completely left your mouth, his grip tightened around your jaw. 

As he was holding on to your jaw, he looked deep into your eyes as he entered you, hard, until he bottomed out inside you. It caught you off guard and you let out a loud moan. 

“Fuck” “I missed you so much sweetheart” His voice was low and rough.

He slowly pulled out of you, until his tip was the only thing inside you, before he slammed back into you, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. 

He kept thrusting at a relentless pace, making your breathing uneven as he was slamming into you. His hold on your jaw softened, as he soon let his hand wander down to softly rest against the side of your throat. 

He buried his head in your neck, making you hear every small sound he made. His breathing heavy, and small groans he let out. You wanted- no. You needed to hear more. 

You wrapped your legs tighter around him, and your fingers raked up his biceps and shoulders, until they found the back of his neck. 

You were clawing and grabbing at anything you could. And you arched your back as much as you could, the pleasure immense. 

You whined in his ear. “Lando”

It made him lift his head out of your neck, his face red and sweaty. Some of his curls stuck to his forehead. He looked heavenly. 

It made you grab the sides of his face, dragging him down so his lips landed on yours. It was sloppy and wet, but god, the way his mouth felt on yours was breathtaking. 

Lando was the one to break the kiss, lifting his head to catch his breath. As he looked down at you, your mouth slightly open, your lips wet and pink, your pupils dilated as you looked deep into his eyes. It made him mutter out a string of curse words as he picked up his pace, chasing his orgasm. 

He found that spot inside you that made you see stars, your own orgasm getting close. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, as you kept looking up at Lando, you couldn’t tear your eyes away. 

Lando’s hand, which had been resting on the side of your throat, moved to wrap itself around your throat, and he tightened his grip. He didn’t make it difficult for you to breathe, but he was putting pressure that made everything feel so much better. 

Your hands wrapped themselves around his forearm, nails digging into his skin. Your mouth opened as you let high pitched moans slip out. 

“You like that huh?” He was almost grinning at you.

You couldn’t get words out, but a drawn out “mhm” came out of you.

Your orgasm was so close, as Lando’s pace had only picked up, and he was still slamming into you with so much force. 

Lando felt it, your pussy clenching just a little bit more around him.

“You close? hm?” 

“Yes” Was all you managed to get out, your eyes closing as you focused.

It took all the strength Lando had to slow his pace and soften his movement just enough to not make you cum yet.

Your hips moved to try and chase your orgasm, but when Lando felt that, his hold on your throat squeezed to get your attention. 

Opening your eyes, you were met with Lando’s dark eyes. You couldn’t help but beg.

“Please let me cum” “Please Lando” You sound as whiny as you could, hoping he would give in.

“I will” “When you tell me who you belong to” His voice was deep and he sounded almost angry. But a smirk grew on his face when he felt your pussy clench again, just from what he said. 

“You Lando” “I belong to you” You were giving him your all, desperate for him to let you cum. 

“And who’s the one making you feel this good?”

“You Lando” “It’s all you” you moaned. “Please”

“Fuck sweetheart” “I can’t resist you when you beg like that”

His hand left your throat and circled around your waist, his palm spread on your back. He lifted you with him as he sat further up on his knees. The only thing holding you in this position was his hand, his other hand on the bed, holding the both of you up. 

Your own hands grabbed onto his shoulder to hold yourself against him. 

He started moving his hips again, still inside you. This new position made him go just a bit deeper, making you feel fuller than before. Your climax nearing quickly. 

His head once again found the crook in your neck, and buried itself there making small sloppy kisses along your neck and shoulder. 

Your hand flew up to grab onto his curls as he fucked up into you, until your climax finally hit. A drawn out moan escaping you as every muscle in your body tensed before they relaxed, finally getting that release. 

You felt Lando’s teeth sink into your shoulder as he filled you up. A low groan coming from him. 

He slowly let you sink back on the bed, collapsing on top of you, breathing ragged as one of your hands caressed the back of his neck.

You hadn’t felt this relaxed in months, his now soft breathing almost lulling you to sleep, until you hear him softly mutter against your skin.

“I can’t get enough of you"

You stirred awake as the brightness of the sun hit your face. Slowly opening your eyes, you looked out of the window to see the sun rising, it was gorgeous. 

You felt so cozy as you laid tangled in your sheets. You closed your eyes again to just enjoy the quiet morning. But right as you did, you hear someone breath out a quiet sigh against your shoulder. Opening your eyes and turning your head, you were met with a still sleeping Lando. 

His face was turned towards you and both of his arms were wrapped tightly around you. His curls were messy, and cute. He looked so peaceful.

You had never seen him like this, because usually he was being a cheeky bastard. But now, you couldn’t help but marvel at his features as the sun illuminated his face. 

He distracted you, so it took you a moment before you realized he was in your bed, in your hotel room, cuddling with you. You must’ve fallen asleep last night, and he must’ve not left. Why did he not leave? 

You kind of freaked out a little, and you needed to pee. So when Lando turned onto his back, one arm slipping away from you, you took your opportunity and slipped out of bed. 

You grabbed a tshirt and underwear on your way to the bathroom. After you peed, you stood in front of the mirror as you washed your hands. Looking at yourself, you slipped the shirt over your head, and pulled your underwear on.

You decided to do your usual morning routine while you were in here. So you did your skin care, and brushed your teeth before you stopped to look at yourself again. 

What were you going to do about Lando? This time, to stop your mind from overthinking it, you decided to just open the bathroom door and walk out. 

Opening the door, Lando was facing away from you, still sleeping. So you turned around to close the door carefully. 

When you turned back around, a sleepy Lando was looking back at you. You froze in your place, unsure of what to do. He slowly lifted the covers to where you had been previously laying.

“Come back in here” His voice was so gravelly and low, just incredibly sexy.

“Uh- I- um-” 

“Come on” 

Your body acted for you as you stepped towards the bed, before you slid under the covers. His arms wrapping around your waist to pull you into his chest. His head was resting on your shoulder, and he was actually snuggling into you. You didn’t realize how tense you were until he mumbled.

“Relax baby”

So you did. He was so warm and soft, it made you feel so safe and comforted as he was holding you. So you turned over to face him, sliding down so you could bury your face in his chest. You felt a small chuckle escape him, and one of his hands started tracing figures on your back. 

You hadn’t noticed you fell asleep again until he softly asked.

“Do you have to be at the track any sooner than two?” 

You left your place in his chest and looked up at him, you didn’t really understand what he said as you were still half asleep.

You saw a warm smile spread on Lando’s face. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

You lifted a hand to rub your eyes, “Yeah, but it’s fine” 

He stayed quiet, just studying your face.

“But what did you say?” You dropped your hand and stared up at him.

“I just asked if you had to be at the track any sooner than two” You couldn’t place the look he had on his face.

“Oh” “Uh, no” “You?”

“No”

You didn’t really know what to say now. He had such an intense look on his face and you didn’t know what to do.

He leaned his head down to capture your lips in the softest kiss yet. It was a loving kiss, so foreign to come from Lando.

You melted against the kiss, humming against him as you let him lay you down on your back as he hovered above you, lips still attached. He was the one to break the kiss, lifting his head to look down at you. 

“You want breakfast?”

“um- yeah” You smiled up at him, and nodded wildly. 

He smiled back and lifted himself off to get out of bed. 

You were sitting at a table outside of a cafe. The chair opposite you empty. You sat there staring off into space as you chewed on your bottom lip. Thinking about Lando’s sudden change in personality. 

You didn’t have time to dwell on it too hard before a coffee was placed in front of you. You looked up to meet Lando’s eyes as he sat down across from you. 

“Everything okay?” His eyebrows furrowed, he almost looked concerned. 

“Uh- yeah!” “But how did you know this is my favorite coffee?” You pointed down to the cup in front of you. 

A smile grew on his face. You could never get sick of seeing that kind smile. 

“I pick up on things you know” He seemed so satisfied with himself as he took a sip of his own coffee, leaning back in his chair.

After a good Friday on track in Miami, you walked towards the garage on Saturday, sporting an unusually bright smile. Maybe the reason for it was the work environment? 

Everyone in the garage had been in such a better mood this race weekend, you couldn’t put your finger on why. But, even Lando had a smile on his face most of the time. He was so much easier to work with, and started being really kind to the mechanics and engineers, and everyone basically. 

The good mood was probably just because the team had been doing so good lately, and Miami was a great track for Red Bull. Yeah, of course it was just that. 

Your thoughts were interrupted when you saw Sophie walking towards you. She looked confused and something akin to anger. It made you slow your speed as your smile dropped, worry setting in.

When she finally caught up with you she whisper-yelled at you. “Have you slept with Lando again?!”

She immediately figured out the answered when you looked down at the ground and mumbled a quiet “oh fuck”.

“Jesus Y/N” she sighed.

“I- uh- shit.” “It just happened one time ok!” Your eyes met her in a pleading look.

She didn’t answer, but relief washed over you when she cracked a smile and chuckled. 

“Shit, this bad isn’t it?” She smiled even more at your question.

“No, actually not” 

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion at her answer.

“I just asked because I had to do some media work with Lando and Oscar, and Lando has never been that easy to work with. And he was smiling and laughing more than I have ever seen.” “And I know why” She nodded, seeming so secure in her reason. 

“Oh that's good!” “But yeah, that's because he’s been getting good results lately and Miami’s going to be great for him no?”

“No” You looked at her even more confused.

“He’s more happy now, than when he got his first win. And the only thing that has changed around him since then, is that you have been sleeping with him.” She looked so smug, and so confident.

You let out a short laugh. “You’re insane Sophie” “You’re suggesting he’s happier because we have been sleeping together?” 

“I’m not suggesting. I know”

“Bullshit” You scoffed. “I don’t have time for this Sophie, I have to get to the garage”

“I’ll join you!”

“Fine.” You rolled your eyes.

You walked into the garage with Sophie beside you as she talked about what media work she had for the rest of the day. 

The second you walked towards where Lando’s car was parked, Sophie was interrupted.

“Y/N! there you are!” Lando was almost jogging over towards you, a warm smile on his face.

As he stopped in front of you, and looked down at you with such a soft look, making your breath hitch in your throat. 

“We need to do the seat check, and you’re the only one who can get it right” He chuckled.

Your eyes flickered over to Sophie and you saw her smirking back at the two of you. Looking back at Lando, he just looked at you, like he was waiting for an answer. 

“Oh- uh- Yeah” “Of course” You tried your best to not seem flustered. 

Lando’s smile grew just a bit more and he nodded, making his way to get into his car. You looked back at Sophie and she whispered “I am so right” before she winked at you and turned to talk to some of the mechanics. . 

Coming back to it, you walked over to the car and leaned over the halo, closer to where Lando was sitting. 

“So, you think something needs adjusting?” You turned your head to look him in the eyes.

Your faces so close to each other as he looked back at you. And yeah, you had slept with him two times now, but the atmosphere was so different in a situation like this. 

He quickly turned his head to look straight ahead before speaking.

“Yeah, just this bit here” He pointed at what he was talking about, and you nodded before standing up to go retrieve the tool you needed. 

Coming back, you leaned back over the halo, and luckily it was in a place that was fairly easy to access while he was still in the car. So when you finished, you turned back to Lando.

“Like that?”

Lando didn’t answer, but as he looked at you, he slowly lifted his hand and tucked some hair behind your ear. 

“Perfect” he whispered.

You could feel his breath on your face as you just stared back at him, stunned. And he just kept looking at you with those soft eyes that you were completely lost in. 

Your ”staring contest” was interrupted when someone shouted for Lando. Finally being able to move, you stepped back and turned over to your workbench, and tried to shake it off. Your cheeks warm, you probably resembled a tomato.

You tried reminding yourself that he was still a dick he was probably just faking being nice so you would keep sleeping with him or something. Yes. That was definitely it.

After Lando left the garage with the person who was calling him, Jonas walked up to you. 

“Is it just me or has Lando been weirdly nice lately?” He leaned towards you as he spoke quietly so no one would hear. 

You turned to look at him, eyes wide, your facial expression betraying you. He leaned back and his eyebrows furrowed, clearly confused about your reaction. 

You tried your best to brush it off like it was nothing. “Yeah, I just thought it was because he finally got his win, and is getting consistently good results” You forced a smile to try and seem normal, but your mind was running wild about what Sophie had said. 

“Yeah sure” “That has to be it” He started smirking before he slowly walked away, still smirking at you. Your mind was panicking. 

You walked into the Red Bull factory, bright and early in the morning, the warm spring sun making you mood ten times better. 

As you walked past the trophy wall, you saw some people putting in two new trophies. One for first place, and one for second. Lando won in Miami, and Max came second. 

You thought back to the podium where you stood underneath it all as you watched Lando get drowned in champagne, huge smile on his face. He looked irresistible up there. Good thing you didn’t get a moment alone with him after the podium. You probably would’ve folded like a lawn chair if you did. 

All you had today was a bunch of boring meetings, and office work.

The day went by slowly, and when it was finally time to go home. You packed up everything into your bag. And while you stood there, you felt a presence beside you.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here today sweetheart” You could hear that familiar smirk in his voice. It made you roll your eyes.

You turned around and looked at him. He was standing so close, no doubt on purpose. 

“Yes, you did” You crossed your arms over your chest.

“Now, how would I know that?” His smirk somehow grew.

“Why else did you come all the way over here to my desk?” You narrowed your eyes at him. 

“Hope” He said softly, and the look in his eyes changed.

It took you aback. How he was able to change so quickly from his usual cheeky self, to sweet and kind. You didn’t get to reply before he spoke again.

“You wanna walk out together?”

“Um- Yeah sure” You grabbed your bag and walked beside him through the building. 

Walking out of the doors, The two of you walked towards the car park, and stopped in front of Lando’s car. He looked over at you.

“Did you drive here?”

“Yeah” You smiled at him.

“Oh, okay” He sounded almost disappointed, but quickly brushed it away. “See you soon then!” He smiled big at you before getting into his car. 

You just managed to blurt out “See you!” before he closed his car door, and drove off.

You stood there confused for a second, before you decided not to think too much about it and just get in your own car and drive home. 

You had made yourself a nice dinner, and plopped down in front of the tv to watch your favorite comfort show. 

After finishing, you put the dishes in the dishwasher, and your phone vibrated from your pocket. You pulled it out, and when the screen lit up, you saw the name “Lando Norris”.

“hey are you home?”

You felt your eyebrows furrow in confusion. But you still typed out a reply.

“yeah why?”

He responded right away.

“sorry, I’m just really bored and I want to see you” 

“Lando…”

“do you just want sex?”

“no!” “I know it sounds like that haha but I just want company”

Your heart made the decision for you. Fuck it.

“here’s my address;”

It didn’t take long before you heard a knock on your door, and you opened it for him to come in. 

After he stepped inside, you closed the door behind him. And while your back was still turned to him, you felt his hands wrap themselves around your torso, holding you tight against him. And his forehead rested on your shoulder. It made you stop in your tracks, confused.

“A-Are you okay?” you asked softly.

“Yeah” “I am now” His voice muffled because of your sweater.

You didn’t really know what to do, so you stayed still.

Eventually he said something.

“You smell good” He mumbled as he buried his head further into your shoulder.

“Oh- um- thanks” You felt your face heat up. Strange how a compliment like that had such an effect on you. 

He just kept holding you, and you had been standing like this for a good few minutes now. 

“You wanna go sit down on the couch?”

“Fine” He hesitated, but slowly pulled back until you could step aside and make a move towards the couch.

Sitting down, you reached forward to pick the remote off the table while you felt Lando sit down beside you. You pressed play on what you had been watching earlier, and turned over to look at Lando with a questioning look. 

He looked back at you with an innocent look, like he was kind of intimidated by your stare.

"So.. Why did you really want to come?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“I honestly just wanted to spend time with you” He breathed out. 

“Weirdo” You whispered while you leant back into the couch. You heard Lando let out a chuckle.

You shifted your eyes to the tv, and tried to pay attention to it. But from the corner of your eye, you could see Lando shuffling closer to you, until your shoulders, and thighs were touching. 

You turned your head to look up at him. He was already looking down at you with a look in his eyes that made you feel warm and fuzzy. That man could make you feel so many emotions just from his eyes alone. 

Despite wanting to drown in his eyes, you turned your head away, and looked back at the tv. 

Lando was sitting there, still looking at your face studying the tv. He feared he might have pushed it too far, coming here, sitting so close. But the feeling of you leaning into his body silenced his mind quickly, and he made himself a little more comfortable as he relaxed against you. 

You had been sitting in silence for what felt like 15 minutes, until you decided to say something. 

“Sorry if this is really boring” “You want to do something else?” You looked over at him through the corner of your eye.

“No I’m not bored” “But is there something you had in mind?” He looked back at you.

You had just the thing. You stood up and walked over to where your Nintendo switch was, in the stand by the tv. You hooked everything up and grabbed the controls, walked back over and handed one to Lando.

“Mario Kart” 

Lando’s smirk grew, “Oh baby, you know I’m going to win.” His eyes giving you a sympathetic look. 

“Oh Lando..” “You just wait and see pretty boy” You gave him that same sympathetic look, and your hand reached up to softly hold the side of his face.

Lando could feel his heart beat faster. The way you looked at him and held his face. And when you called him “pretty boy” he was done for. He really considered letting you win just by the sheer confidence radiating from you. But when you booted up the game and started choosing the character, his usual competitive personality came back, and he would do everything he could to beat you. 

You were on the last track, and the two of you had been so even, so whoever won this track, won the game. Lando was sweating, he would say he was surprised that you were this good, but he honestly wasn’t.

You were in first place, Lando hot on your tail. And you had just entered the last round, and Lando could see his victory slipping away. He looked over at you and saw how focused you were, your tongue sticking out of your mouth in concentration. 

He saw his perfect opportunity to strike. So he bumped his knee against yours. 

“Hey!” “No fair!” You kept your eyes on the screen as you tried to keep your focus. 

Lando then decided to do the worst, and threw away everything he worked so hard for when one of his hands left the controller and stretched out to grab onto your waist. Making your whole body jolt with the contact. 

And soon after, he started tickling you. You tried your best to make it to the finish line, you really did. But you had no control over how your body reacted to the insistent tickling. 

So the controller flew from your hands, as you tried to stop his arms from moving, to no use. He kept going, now, somehow hovering above you. 

Finally, he gave you a moment to breathe, his hands still holding on to your sides, as he just looked down at you trying to catch your breath. 

You closed your eyes, focusing on your breath. You felt Lando bury his head in the crook of your neck, and his arms circled your waist so he was holding around you, making you arch your body up against him. He put his whole body weight on yours as he laid down on top of you. And you felt him slowly breathing in and out against your neck.

You didn’t know what to say or do, so you just let him be. You just closed your eyes and figured you might as well enjoy the comfort, because it was really really comfortable. You lifted your arms and carefully wrapped them around him, so they were resting on his strong back. 

When Lando felt your arms wrap around him and rest on his back, he automatically buried his head just a bit more, and tightened his grip around you, so you were even closer than before, if that was even possible. 

You could hear the quiet background music still coming from the unfinished game. And you could both hear and feel that Lando’s breath was slowing down, and his body relaxing against you. 

Lando was almost falling asleep. He tried to fight it, but you were just so comfortable. And he didn’t want to admit it, but just the fact that he was holding around you, and you him, was making him feel safe and sound. Lando was on the verge of snoring, and you were noticing.

“Lando” “Are you falling asleep?” You softly whispered, a question you already knew the answer to.

“No” you felt him mumble against your skin. The sound in his voice making it clear that he was lying. 

Lando felt your body shake as you let out a short giggle.

“Was it that obvious?” You felt him smile against your skin. 

“You were almost snoring” “So, yes.” You kept giggling.

Lando let out a short chuckle before he lifted his head so he looked down at you. 

“Well, It’s your fault that you’re so comfortable” He smiled. Such a sweet smile you loved that you were seeing more of. 

Your smile mimicked his as you looked up at him. Lando’s eyes quickly darted across your face, looking at all of your features, committing them to his memory. You looked angelic. Your smile warming up his heart that had grown a bit too cold in recent years. He was already feeling the effects of your warmth. His smile being more common than it used to be. And portraying a kindness to try and match yours. If anyone knew how he felt, they would say he was falling in Love.

Your smile faded, but a soft look still remained on your face. The way that Lando was looking at you, it was like you were completely naked and vulnerable in front of him. But the emotion behind his eyes showed only comfort and admiration. So it wasn’t uncomfortable, quite the opposite.

In that moment, you hoped he would never stop looking at you like that. And to Lando, he would never even want to stop looking at you at all.

Without either of you noticing, your faces had gotten so close, to the point where your lips were just barely touching. Your hands came up to cradle both sides of his face, and the comfort of the feeling, made Lando capture your lips in a soft kiss.

He was in control, and he was kissing you oh so slowly and carefully. Lando had turned so soft and kind, like he cared for you, deeply. He kissed you like you were fragile, Which you both knew from experience that you weren’t. You couldn’t take it anymore.

One of your hands traveled up to tug at his hair, and the other wrapped around his bicep that was beside your head, nails digging into the skin, hoping it could signal him into doing more. 

Either Lando didn’t pick up on your signs, or he did it on purpose. But that man did nothing to heat up the kiss. If anything, he almost kissed you slower.

So you decided to wrap your legs around his waist, your core meeting the bulge in his pants. Unfortunately, he was only half hard, but that was something you intended on changing in a matter of seconds. 

You started moving your hips slowly, up and down against his length, it solicited a small hum from his throat. But that was all it did. Somehow Lando kept his composure. 

But you could feel his dick twitching in his pants. The friction you received from it was making you quietly moan into his mouth. You were going to break him. Make him snap.

You disconnected your legs from him, and you almost heard him whine at the loss of contact. Both of your hands landed on his chest, and you gave a little push, signaling him. He sat up on his knees, and looked down at you, his eyes hooded. 

You sat up on your knees in front of him and gave him another small shove in the chest. “Lay down.” You breathed out.

He did what you said, and layed down on his back, looking up at you with anticipation. You lifted yourself so you could sit back down over his thighs, straddling him. 

You sat far enough back that his now very obvious bulge was right in front of your core. 

You looked back up to find Lando’s eyes and the darkened, familiar look you saw in them, made a shiver run down your spine. 

As you kept eye contact, you brushed your fingertips over his clothed dick. It made his eyes flutter close, and he tilted his head all the way back, his neck more exposed. 

You flattened your palm over the bulge, and moved your hands up and down along the length, in a slow and soft pace. You could see the veins on Lando’s neck getting more visible, as he was straining himself, trying to chase the movement of your hand with his hips. 

His breathing was ragged, and his eyes squeezed shut. And small, choked whimpers came from him. He looked so pretty. 

You decided to give him what he wanted. And when Lando felt your hand disappear, his eyes shot open to beg you for more. But when his eyes landed on you, you had already opened the button on his pants, and dragged the zipper down. 

Lando didn’t have a moment to register it, before your hand was wrapped around his length. A guttural moan came out of him, eyes squeezing shut again.

While your hand was starting to slowly move up and down, with the other, you wrapped your fingers around the base of his cock. Moving further and further down to hold on to his balls. 

You could tell you were doing a good job, just by the amount of sounds coming from Lando. Both his hands had formed fists, his knuckles white as he was doing everything in his power to not snap. 

You swiped your thumb across the tip, collecting the precum that had seeped out. His breath shuddered, and he opened his eyes to look at you with a pleading look. 

It almost made you do exactly what he wanted, almost. But instead, you stopped your movements, and decided to torture him a little. 

So you made your way to stand up and walk off. But the second your feet were on the ground, and your back turned to him. His arms wrapped around your waist, and he pulled you back down. 

You were both sitting on your knees, your back against his chest, and you could feel him poking against your backside. You felt heat flow to your core just at the thought of what he was going to do now. 

Lando grabbed on to the hem of your shirt, and tore it off. His hands immediately finding your bra, unclasping it, and throwing it towards where your shirt went. 

His hands forcefully grabbed your breasts and he ground his hips into your ass, moaning into your ear. 

You could do nothing but wait for his next move. One of his hands slowly traced along your stomach, making its way down to the hem of your pants, while his other hand was wrapped around your torso, holding you tight against him. 

His hand found the button on your pants, and unbuttoned it with one hand, and slowly slid down the zipper. 

His chin was resting on your shoulder, as he looked down to see his hand sliding into your panties. 

You threw your head back at the feeling, resting it on his shoulder. One of his fingers found your hole, and collected the wetness there. 

“Oh, so wet” He cooed in your ear. 

His finger found your clit as he started circling it slowly. Your mouth had opened, as you let all of your sounds spill out. 

Soon he added more pressure, and his touch was more focused. If he kept it up, it wouldn’t be long before you came. 

You tilted your head so your mouth was close to his ear, and you whimpered. “fuck Lando” “Please keep going” You begged.

Quickly, without warning, he pulled his hand out. You whined in complaint.

“Not so fun now, is it?” He spoke directly in your ear. 

You didn’t even have time to reply before he was pulling your pants down to your knees, and instructing you to lift them, so he could take them all the way off. 

You did what he said, leaning your upper body forward on the couch, ass up towards him. 

After he tore yours off, you turned your head over your shoulder, to see him hurrying to take his own off.

His hand landed on your back, pushing your upper body further into the couch, your face squished in the cushions. 

Both of his hands slid down to your ass, and grabbed it firmly, enjoying the sight. And shoved you even more, so he could see more of you. 

You couldn’t see what he was doing, but you felt one of his hands slide further towards your core. And then you felt how close he was when he spoke.

“God, you’re beautiful” He was in awe, just looking at you. 

But soon, his finger found your wet hole, and slowly slid inside. You sighed into the couch cushion, and moved your hips back onto his finger, taking in as much as you could.  

He couldn’t take it anymore, he needed to be inside you. He quickly removed his finger, and you were about to complain. But before you could get a word out, his hands grabbed onto your hips and pulled you back towards him. His dick slid inside so well, filling you up just like you wanted. The feeling almost making you scream.

He let out a loud groan, finally getting the feeling of you being wrapped around him again. He had a tight grip on your hips as he pulled you back to meet his hips everytime he shoved himself inside you. 

His thrusts were getting rough and hard, and you were loving every second of it. Him in complete control, and you babbling incoherent sounds into the cushions. 

You felt the heat build up inside you, and you were getting close. Lando kept his pace up and you could feel his balls slapping against you, the sound of your skin slapping together and both of you moaning was unholy.

You felt Lando lean forward, arm wrapping around your waist, and the other around your chest, so his palm was flattened right against your beating heart. You didn’t even have time to think about what he was doing, the new angle making you see stars. 

Lando pulled your body up as he sat back on his knees. your back against his chest. Just like you were earlier. 

He held you tight against him, as he now fucked up into you. You didn’t think the angle of him inside you could get any better, but oh, how wrong you were. 

You heard Lando swearing under his breath, and you leaned your head back against his shoulder, a moaning mess, and so close. “Lando..” “I’m clo-”

You didn’t get to finish your words before you felt the hand that was wrapped around your waist, slide down to circle his middle finger around your clit. You almost screamed out, the pleasure almost being too much. 

And when you felt his other hand wrap around your throat and squeeze, you were done for. Your eyes rolling into the back of your head as it all came crashing down.

Your thighs were shaking, and your walls were constricting around him, milking him for all he was worth, which sent him over the edge.

He let out a soft whimper as he came, the sound alone almost making you cum for a second time. 

His arms wrapped tightly around your middle, almost hugging you as his forehead rested against your shoulder. 

He took some deep breaths, breathing in your scent, and hummed against you. You felt him growing soft inside you, and some of your fluids started running down your thighs. 

You felt Lando softly lift your hips so he could slide out of you, the emptiness making you whine. He chuckled before he kissed your shoulder and stood up. You collapsed forward on the couch, too tired so stay sitting on your knees. 

You heard Lando walk away towards the bathroom, and soon after, you heard the shower start. You furrowed your brows, a bit confused. Kind of a dick move to just hop in the shower and leave you collapsed on the couch. 

You didn’t even hear Lando walk back out until you felt his fingers softly gracing your arm as he asked you; “You think you can stand up?”

You turned your head and looked up at him, you saw a glint in his eyes when he looked at you, no doubt caused by how absolutely fucked out of your mind you looked. 

You softly nodded against the soft pillows and muttered out a “Maybe” as you lifted yourself up and tried to stand up. Lando’s hand held onto your bicep just in case you needed any help. And he looked like he was ready to catch you if your knees even buckled.

Which they did, and Lando immediately wrapped his free arm around your waist, holding you up with such a force that your toes were the only thing touching the ground. 

After he just fucked you like that, he was so soft and caring. You really liked this side of him, and silently wished you could see more of it. 

Lando’s eyes searched yours with a hint of worry. But they softened when you reassured him you were fine. But he kept an arm wrapped around you as he walked the two of you towards your bathroom, where the shower had been heating up. 

He helped you step inside, and followed after you. And the two of you enjoyed a nice warm shower together, him holding around you almost the entire time, constantly worried your legs would give out.

You were softly awakening, feeling your hair being brushed behind your ear, and soft fingers tracing your face. You slowly opened your eyes to find his eyes looking back at you. 

Lando had a lovesick smile on his face. “You look so beautiful in the morning” His voice was deep and raspy.

You felt yourself blush and you lifted the covers to hide your face. 

Lando sat upright and lifted one of his hands to try and tug the cover away, “No, don’t hide” “I want to see you”

You peeked your eyes over the covers, seeing nothing but truth behind Lando’s eyes. You lowered the covers.

“Thank you baby” His smile grew, and you saw his eyes searching your face, like he was trying to count the freckles on your skin. It gave you a moment to do the same, now really noticing the moles beside his nose, and the ones scattered across his cheeks. 

You noticed his face coming closer to yours, and when you met his eyes you saw how he was looking at your lips. You sat up and met him halfway, reaching up to hold his face, dragging him back down. He threw out an arm to hold himself above you, leaning more into the kiss. 

Lando was the one to pull back, and looked at you with a glint in his eye, like he knew something you didn’t.

Before you had time to think about your words, your mouth opened. 

“Why are you so nice now?” You saw his mouth frown slightly, the sight making you wince. You wanted to take it back. 

You opened your mouth again to try and fix your mistake, but Lando was quicker. 

“I know..” “I have been thinking about it myself” He sighed and laid down beside you, and quickly glanced at you before he looked anywhere but you. 

You saw that he was struggling, regret seeping into your veins. “I’m sorry Lando, I didn’t mean it” “You don’t have to say anything” “I’m so sorry” You carefully looked at him, wanting nothing more than to smack yourself for talking before thinking. 

“No, no” “I’m just trying to collect my thoughts. I’m not that great with words” He let out an awkward chuckle. 

His eyes finally met yours again, and you could see the vulnerability behind Lando’s eyes. He smiled softly before speaking again.

“My last few seasons at McLaren were not good. The car was not working for me, and I wasn’t doing good mentally, so I really started to spiral. I made the mistake of not talking about it, and that only made it worse.” “It made me angry and resentful. Which made me lose the people close to me.” “I got so used to being like that, thinking it was the best solution. And then I made the move to Red Bull, it made it better in the sense that the car was better, I was less miserable. But It still didn’t change my attitude and anger. Thinking that if I went back to being the old me, it would hurt me.” 

“So when we slept together the first time, it made me feel so confident.” He smiled sheepishly at you.

He continued. “And when we slept together that second time, it made me feel unstoppable. And that morning, I was so comfortable around you that I didn’t even think about how I was acting. It was such a nice morning. The nicest one I’ve ever had.” You felt yourself blush.

“And after that day, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I found happiness in everything, something I haven’t felt in a long time. It never even crossed my mind about my change in attitude, until people asked me about it.” “And when I thought about it, I just thought about you.” His eyes no longer met yours, a shyness about Lando that you had never seen.

“When I’m with you, I feel like myself again”

Lando couldn’t bear to look at you. A realization hit him about what he just told you. He just started talking about his feelings, and he had told you everything, something he didn’t think he would ever do. 

Lando felt your soft hand on the side of his face, and he felt you now laying on top of him, hugging him. You buried your face in his neck. You were speechless. Lando had said he wasn’t good with words, but that was a complete lie. 

He had confessed something to you that no one ever had. No one had ever told you that you were the reason they could feel like themselves. You didn’t really know how to feel about that. 

Lando started to feel something wet hit the sides of his neck. His eyes shot open in realization. “Are you crying?” He asked you with so much concern in his voice.

Oh shit, you got caught. You tried to carefully keep your breathing steady as you slowly shook your head. 

“Y/N, look at me please” He almost whispered.

You slowly lifted your head to look at him, and when your eyes met his, you could see the worry in them. 

His hands cradled the sides of your face, and a thumb flew out to swipe away a falling tear. 

“Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong” More worry found its way in Lando’s eyes. 

“No” You softly shook your head as you whispered. 

You lifted a hand to hold on to one of his. “No one has ever said something like that to me before” You let out a small breath before you continued.

“Thank you Lando” You sighed, a soft smile on your face.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Why are you thanking me?”

Your smile grew. “You just bared your soul to me, Lando.” “And you told me that I make you feel like yourself again.” 

“Yeah, so if anything, I should thank you, for listening to me” His thumb swiped across your cheek again. 

“Lando. You shouldn’t have to thank me for listening to you.” “I would never want to stop listening to you” 

“Please never leave me” He said it like he was actually begging you. His eyebrows furrowed.

“I wouldn’t even dream about it” You leaned in to give him a soft kiss.

And when you pulled back to look at him. You started to recognize the look in his eyes, it was like he was looking at the world. The universe. And he found that in your eyes.

Who's crying? not me! (yes I am.)

Taglist;

@laneyspaulding19 @formula1mount @chonkybonky

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Can I make a request for an S/O who has a pet that is extremely gruesome and scary, but is very cuddly and protective when interacting with its owner? Like, like the animal was something similar to the Demongorgon or something.

If you can, do it for Sarah, Shenhen, Dehya, Candance and Navia.

(Genshin Impact) Sara, Shenhe, Dehya, Candace, and Navia's S/O with a terrifying pet

I was bouncing between a Tyranid from 40k or a terrifying bug from a user created horror story called Mystery Flesh Pit National Park, but I'll just settle on some non particular bug abomination.

Sara was barely able to hold back from immediately drawing her bow when she walked into S/O's house the first time and saw a massive insect inside.

It nearly stood up to the ceiling as it straightened its back, before relaxing from seeing its owner.

(Sara) "What is that?!"

(S/O) "OH! S-Sorry, I forgot to mention it to you beforehand! This is my pet!"

Sara stared at S/O before her eyes slowly glanced over to the "pet" they kept.

It resembled some kind of centipede with massive antennas, but had arms resembling a...human?!

Sara still kept her battle stance, wearily looking at it before turning to S/O, noticing their relatively happy expression.

(Sara) "...And, this will pose no threat to the people of Inazuma?"

(S/O) "Of course not, he doesn't eat people!"

(Sara) sigh "Thank the Almighty Sho-"

(S/O) "He eats corpses! It's a scavenger bug, not a predator!"

(Sara) "..."

Sara is uneasy around S/O's pet, putting it mildly.

The only place she doesn't allow S/O to cuddle her is at their house.

The one time she allowed them to rest their head on her shoulder, the romantic mood was immediately halted by S/O's pet resting its head on their lap.

Despite how much it unsettled her, she could at least complement its intelligence and loyalty.

When S/O was threatened, it would immediately attack whenever they commanded it to.

It even enjoyed getting pet, though Sara politely declined from doing so herself.

As long as it didn't cause a public disturbance, it was fine to remain.

But Archons help S/O if she gets a report of that...thing threatening a citizen, not even its terrifying and gross legs would skitter away from her wrath.

Shenhe reached for her polearm before realizing the bug was relaxing near S/O.

She had seen all kinds of fantastical sights thanks to her Master, so it didn't really take long for her to adjust.

(Shenhe) "...Is that a pet, S/O?"

(S/O) "Sure is! This little guy has been with me for a long time!"

(Shenhe) "I see. It is good you have a companion."

The bug's head, or at least what she assumed was the head, seemed to lean into S/O's hand as they scratched under the chin.

...Neat.

Shenhe is used to nature, but she had never seen a creature like this before.

But then again, being with S/O taught her all kinds of new things, maybe this was another she should take heed of.

Seeing other people react to the bug, she moves to protect it like she would S/O.

Something that even it recognized, and protected Shenhe like its owner.

The only thing Shenhe dislikes about the bug is how clingy it got whenever she was wanting to spend time with S/O.

Other than that, the bug and Shenhe have a strange silent respect for each other.

(Dehya) "S/O, GET BACK!-"

Dehya suddenly leaps into action when a giant bug-like creature emerged from the sand behind S/O.

Before S/O got in the way, trying (and failing) to keep her arm down.

(S/O) "WAIT, DEHYA! I-It's with me!"

Dehya's expression was something between confusion and anger, quickly looking back at S/O and the bug.

Just as they said, it was just staring at her before turning its attention to its owner.

(Dehya) "Jeez, ya never thought to bring this up to me before?! It looks like it could eat us!"

(S/O) "I-If it makes you feel any better, it's like a vulture! A scavenger eater, only corpses!"

(Dehya) "It really doesn't..."

Dehya is honestly creeped the hell out by S/O's pet.

She's seen a lot of desert fauna, but nothing like what S/O had.

It especially didn't help matters that it liked to hide under the sand until S/O spent time with it.

She especially didn't like that it butted its head in whenever she wanted to hold S/O.

More than one occasion she was ready to tell it off before S/O did so gently, letting it gently comply.

The other mercs are completely freaked out by it, which she doesn't blame them for in the slightest.

But, it did help during their contracts by scaring the hell out of rival clients, other eremites, and animals in general.

Begrudgingly, she let S/O keep it, but then again maybe it's best it remains with them and doesn't wander off in the desert to potentially reproduce.

Candace notices something shifting in the sands near S/O, which she immediately raises her spear to throw at-

Before S/O frantically waved their hands, signaling to her not to attack.

Candace sees the bug emerge from the sand as it gives S/O a lift, riding towards her.

She takes a step back from unease, sizing the bug up and down before turning to S/O.

(Candace) "Have you...tamed this creature?"

(S/O) "K-Kinda? I didn't really tame it per se, more like we became friends!"

Candace did acknowledge it had some kind of intelligence in its eyes, as it responded perfectly to S/O's commands.

Being reassured by S/O that it would not attack the people of Aaru village, or eat the children, she allowed it to stay.

It took a bit for her to get used to it, but she no longer flinches seeing the bug.

It helped that it didn't seem to be naturally part of the desert, since she had never seen anything like it before.

Eventually, it became as much of a guardian of the town as Candace, much to her shock.

When S/O was threatened, the bug leapt from the sands and dragged them under, and the same went for any of the townsfolk.

The only thing she asks is that it sleeps outside, mostly just cause it'd drag sand all over the floor.

(S/O) "HOLY CRAP, GIANT BUG!-"

S/O immediately aims her umbrella-shotgun before S/O stopped her from pulling the trigger.

(S/O) "W-WAIT! NAVIA, IT'S MY PET!"

(Navia) "Your pet?! That thing could eat one of the Clockwork Meka whole!"

She shuddered in terror as it skittered towards S/O, seemingly lax by their mere presence.

This sure as hell wasn't a man's best friend situation, and every cell in her body wanted to shoot it.

But seeing as it was with S/O, she very reluctantly let S/O keep it.

The only thing is that it HAD to stay outside the city and only in S/O's home.

Every single Meka and Guard would be trying to kill it, not that she wouldn't blame them either.

Navia screams in terror everytime she opens the door to find it turn its head towards her.

Why couldn't S/O just have a cat or something...?

Her urge to stomp the bug grows bigger when she moves to hug or kiss S/O, only to watch it approach from seeming jealousy.

[secondbeatsongs]

alright my friends.

it’s time.

look! the wall I always take my pictures in front of is blue now! so much has changed. aeons have passed.

this looks unsettling

ohhhh this is dry milk powder! I’d know that taste anywhere - I used to love the stuff, and it’s pretty flammable.

hmm. tastes like there’s a bit of salt in this, and definitely some poppy seeds. fascinating.

I was gonna just go right to cooking it but hahaha holy shit this looks so gross now that I've added water to it

look at it! it looks like a really scummy pond with dead bugs floating in it!

okay. waiting-four-minutes time

Jackie why are you squeaking at me. I’m not letting you climb in the dishwasher again

(look at all the claw marks on the woodwork! she's a menace)

hmmm.

it doesn’t have a strong smell - it smells mostly of noodles with just a hint of garlic and caraway underneath

oh! all the sauce sank to the bottom, but stirring it up there’s definitely some creaminess in the texture of the sauce

hmm. now that it’s stirred up and there’s steam coming off of it, it smells mostly like hot milk, but specifically the instant kind. unsurprising.

okay, I’ve put this off for long enough.

oh the noodle texture is particularly slimy. and...huh.

on their own, the noodles taste like nothing. maybe some milk taste, but not much otherwise. but when I get a bite that has lots of seeds in it, I definitely taste them! and some bits of onion, too.

it’s not outright disgusting though, so that’s something

does it taste like an everything bagel? no. it tastes like noodles with caraway, poppy, sesame, onion, and salt.

does the sauce taste like cream cheese? disappointingly, no! it’s got a milky creaminess, but no sour tang to it at all!

weirdly, I feel like if it did have that sourness, it might taste more like an everything bagel.

speaking of...

it’s time for some science

so the first thing I have is popcorn that’s supposed to be everything-bagel-and-cream-cheese flavored. my sibling gave me this specifically for this experiment, so everyone say thank you to them for enabling me.

interesting! this doesn’t taste bad. it still doesn’t taste like bagel (and actually hold on...no, the popcorn on its own doesn’t taste like bagel either, just garlic) but I think the flavoring on the popcorn has added some much-needed taste to the noodles, and so it mildly improves it. three stars

next for the cream cheese

oh, significantly improved! ...or maybe I just love cream cheese. it adds such a nice tangy creaminess to it, and balances out the spices and seeds. four stars.

still tastes nothing like a bagel, though.

and so we try: packaged everything bagel seasoning!

ah. this was a lateral move. the seasoning on its own tastes good, but when added to the noodles it does nothing but make it a bit more salty. one star.

so now, I have to reveal to you. that I have one final trick. one last thing I can do to attempt to make these noodles taste like an everything bagel.

behold: an everything bagel

(and it’s a fancy one too! not a pre-packaged one! it’s even got sunflower seeds on it!)

I’m going to try a couple bites without cream cheese, and then I’m gonna add cream cheese and try that

...

hmm...

conclusion: this was a waste of a good everything bagel

I liked the cream cheese variation better, simply because I stopped being able to taste the noodles at all. five stars!

so when I started out I said the noodles themselves were not outright disgusting, but I’ve changed my mind. after tasting this really good actual everything bagel, these noodles do disgust me. partially because of their flavor, but more because of their (and Nissin's) moral integrity.

how dare they claim that this is what an everything bagel tastes like. this is an insult to bagels everywhere, and I find it truly offensive.

...anyway I guess I’m gonna go eat the rest of this now, because this is my actual breakfast today.

welp.

oh god. and I still have two more of these cup noodles! I forgot; I bought extras just in case!

wish me luck -_-

[toxicanonymity]

All Recipes

1.4k words / stepdad!Joel x f!reader

Joel master list

Warnings: I8+, stepcest, treating Joel like a piece of meat, mildly dubcon reader behavior, mutual masturbation, fingering, cum swallowing, kissing. I8+ MDNI

"You shouldn't dress like that if you don't want the attention," you say.

Joel looks up from the mixing bowl and scoffs. His short sleeves are almost cutting off his circulation as he begins to stir the casserole harder. "You're the one who shrunk my laundry," he says. "The mess you make when you're home for ONE week." He stares into the bowl as he stirs.

"The mess I make. . ." you look around his disaster zone of a kitchen.

He looks up. "You know damn well what I'm talkin' about." He puts down the rubber spatula, wipes his hands on his apron and shakes his head.

Your mom walks into the kitchen and grabs her keys off the wall. . . "What are you two bickering about now?"

"I tried to help with laundry and Joel's pissed that I shrunk his clothes."

"Give her a break, she was trying to help. We'll get you some more." She looks him up and down and adds "Kinda like it, actually. . ."

"Yeah?" Joel asks her saucily. "Got ten minutes?" Then he shoves his tongue down her throat and grabs her ass.

Your chest tightens. "Gross!"

Your mom breaks the kiss and clears her throat. "Wish I did."

-

Joel starts pouring the casserole into a dish, and he's getting it all over his hands as he tries to contain it to the pan. When your Mom leaves, you ask him, "What the fuck? What was that?"

He laughs, "That?. . . No, sweetie. What is this? Whatever you're doin'. . ."

"What, you want me to stop?"

He looks at you like it's a trick question.

"Didn't think so."

"I want you to tone it down. Damn." He wipes his hands on the apron and takes it off.

"Got somethin' for ya," you tell him. You reach under your short, jersey stretch skirt and step out of your thong, then slip it in the pocket of his joggers. His face reddens and he shakes his head. He backs away and leans against the counter.

"I'm tryin' to do somethin' here, do ya mind?" He leans with one elbow on the counter and studies his phone. His free hand rests at his groin and fidgets with his shrunken joggers right next to his considerable bulge. His hand is so masculine with its perfect veins. He has to know what he's doing to you. You stare and the corner of his mouth twitches. He forces the smile away. You can hardly stand how hot it makes you seeing his hand at his groin.

"Let me help," you say and come over to look at his phone. He smells like laundry and his own manly scent. You press yourself up against him and he's at least somewhat hard already but he turns his hips and rolls you off. You shift your attention to his phone.

"Really, Joel? If you're following All Recipes you're already screwed. You think she's not gonna know the difference?"

His fingers are getting sour cream all over his phone.

"Forgot where the damn recipes are," he says, looking around the kitchen. "Your mom said she already told me five times."

You roll your eyes. "You coulda asked me." You open the cabinet right behind him and he rolls his eyes at himself.

"Yeah and what would you make me do for it, huh? Too late now anyway." He puts his phone down, grabs the casserole dish with one massive hand, and goes to put it in the oven. When he bends over, his shirt leaves a sliver of soft, tan skin above his waistband and his ass looks delicious.

"Oh, now you're just trying to bait me," you say. He sets the temp and timer, and when he turns back around, his shirt has ridden up to show an inch of belly and he doesn't bother tugging it down.

-

He comes to the sink and you hop up to sit on the counter, short skirt and all. You intercept one of his hands and bring it to your mouth. You slowly suck the sour cream off each finger, making eye contact with him. When he breathes deeper, your arousal intensifies.

"I know why you won't touch me," you tell him.

"Doesn't take a genius."

"No. . ." You bring his hand to your breast for the first time and a trance falls across his face. "You don't wanna ruin my idea of how good you might be" you continue, and cover his hand on your breast with yours. "You think I'm just assuming you're so good at everything. . ." You massage your breast using his hand. "Don't want me to find out you're not." You use your dangling feet to try to bring his body closer, but he doesn't come.

"Tryin' to make me prove it?"

You open your legs.

"Jesus," he says, but doesn't look away. You drag his hand down your torso, over your skirt, then under it.

"Not happenin', sweetie," he says as he slides his hand up your inner thigh. Your skirt stretches over his hand as he reaches your pussy. His brow furrows as he rubs your wet folds. He inserts two fingers into you then finds your clit with his thumb and circles it lightly as he pumps his digits in and out of you. His chest expands with air. He palms himself with his free hand and a rush ripples through your body.

"What do you call this then?"

"Lube," he says, and frees his stiff member from his shrunken joggers. He cruelly takes his hand away and slickens his hard cock. He keeps his head down and looks up at you darkly as he begins to stroke himself. In a low, hushed tone he says, "I dunno what's gotten into you."

He keeps pumping himself, massive bicep flexing, ready to burst out of his t-shirt.

"I know you want to," you retort.

"You're playin' these games," he says, shaking his head.

"Yeah? What are the rules?"

He lifts his head. "Heh," he laughs. "Tryin' to drive me crazy. . ." His Adams apple hypnotizes you whenever he talks.

You can't resist touching yourself, watching his hand glide firmly up and down his perfect shaft. You don't know what's hotter - his hand or the dark look on his face.

He brings his hand back between your legs to gather more lube and his breath becomes shaky. His hand returns to his cock and he grunts as he jerks it. You need his cock in your mouth so badly. His face looks like he's close to coming.

You slide down off the counter and kneel. He moans and pumps himself faster. Then, right when he's about to come, you open your mouth and he finally lets you have it. You suck the firm tip of his cock into your mouth just in time for his salty spend to shoot into the back of your throat. You suck and he groans as he empties his balls into your mouth. As soon as he's finished, he puts it away then crouches down and looks you in the face like he's about to say something mean then walk away, but as you're admiring his face, something in it changes.

He engulfs your crotch with his hand and helps you to your feet then pins you against the counter. He rubs you in just the right way, and the light pressure of his thick middle finger does something special. He thrusts two fingers up into you again and says "This what you're lookin' for?" as he curls them. He's just showing off.

In no time, you're seeing stars, clenching around his fingers, moaning, "Jo-"

A hand around your jaw cuts you off as your climax goes on. His eyes are dark and he growls, "told you not to say my name like that."

His face is an inch from yours. You read each other's eyes, then his snarl fades and his grip loosens. Your face drifts toward his, and he doesn't pull away. When your lips meet, he moans softly into your mouth, offering his tongue which you hungrily accept. He takes his hand out from between your legs and leans into you with his whole body. Your faces don't separate for a good fifteen seconds.

Then he releases your mouth and mutters, "Fuck."

-

Click the #stepdad!Joel☠️ tag on this post for prev. stories w/ the same Joel/reader: Instagram, Snapchat, and Uber.

Next up: Fandango

-

Thank you so much for reading and engaging! I appreciate every comment and reblog 🖤.

PLEASE CHECK YOUR CONTENT SETTINGS. My posts seem to get flagged very quickly now even if they aren't explicit (like lincoln 1) so if you don't want to miss anything, you might want to follow me and check my profile regularly (filter to "my fics" from my header) or get on the joel tag list.

All joel: @ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @lokanda @blackvelveteen1339  @manazo @wolvesandvampires  @taeslarityy @str84pedro

Sorry I messed up my tag list initially.

[chaifootsteps]

Thinking about Angel Dust again. More or less screaming into the void, this is kinda directed at the writers themselves:

I find it hard to believe this story (excluding the Addict MV) takes sexual abuse itself seriously. The horrible parts of Valentino are that he is violent to Angel, that he swears and yells, that he has him in a contract so he can control his schedule. That’s the power he has. Not that he forces himself onto Angel Dust. Because ‘poison’ implies he’s addicted to that feeling and it’s what’s keeping him there. Val makes him have more sex than he wants to and more often, but the show itself plays the forced sex acts entirely for laughs. With Angel Dust himself as both the joker and punchline. Based on both shows, I feel like Viv thinks rape is funny. With victims of rape mildly inconvenienced and a little irritated by it. Finding the abuse funny themselves. She doesn’t frame it any other way.

We see a scene of Angels porno, Val forced him to perform in, and it’s supposed to be ‘funny’ but not rape? In the script an interrogator is forcing him, and he’s calling the guy daddy. The script is ‘this guy likes being abused’ and the story canon seems to say the same. Blitzø and Moxxie are held hostage and make the same jokes about maybe liking it too much. Angel screens his porno to his coworkers. His Helluva twin also makes sex jokes at his own expense to his coworkers, with the toys and saying “this is what grown ups do”. Moxxie and Pentious play the same horrified reaction role in both scenes.

Angel Dust brags about his stamina and lung capacity, with a lot of joy. Blitzo brags about his sex prowess too. Then they both switch to angry trauma responses of “I don’t want to do this. Or do I?” I really have no idea how to take it. It’s fucking exhausting. Take Moxxie with Chaz, he is harassing him, right? but it’s supposed to be a funny song, so it’s okay to laugh, it’s not that bad. But then Moxxie is crying over it, so it was traumatising. Then why play for laughs at the same time? That was some whiplash.

And the obvious elephant in the room Blitzø, he didn’t want to have sex with stolas the first time. Any other time it’s “no, but yes, but no” But the initial time, ‘no’ is canon. And that’s the joke. He says to himself that he’s disgusted with the idea, then pretends to be into him, for the book. In the ep, he uses a fake baritone voice one second then switches to angry, grossed out, and put off facial expressions when stolas isn’t looking or can’t see him. Meaning that is what he really feels. “What do you want me to do to you?” Is the same forced tone as “I’m sure there’s somewhere in your cloaca we can stick it” The line “I need this book stolas, I will do anything” is the mask dropping. He’ll do the sex if he can just have his job. Angel Dust will get to the studio as long as Val doesn’t hurt Charlie. They will both perform on stage and in bed.

Blitzø snapping, and his angry tone saying “after everything you put me through” feels completely genuine. But it is not expanded on, it’s brushed aside. In fact, he has to apologise for saying it. And not genuinely wanting to sleep with stolas. Or for wanting to but, without feelings? What did stolas put him through, Viv? Was this all rape or not, Viv? What does stolas feel guilt about? And why is Blitzø wanting sex now, after you showed us again and again how much he doesn’t and you laughed at him for it?

The song ‘Poison’ is as if Angel Dust is addicted to Valentino and addicted to the sex he has with him, and being desired by him, he just can’t get enough of “the feeling?” But similar to ‘after everything you put me through” what is ‘the feeling’? In another scene Angel says he hopes Val sees his toy is broken and leaves him alone. Blitzø doesn’t want to be a broken toy left alone. I can’t help but cross reference the two shows.

The showrunners fetishes and cruel sense of humour are clashing so hard against its simultaneous desire to tackle this trauma and complex themes. You can’t meaningfully examine someone’s trauma while that very trauma is also your kink. It’s clearly not just Raphielle who has a rape and cnc fetish.

It might be screaming into the void, but not a word of what you've said is wrong.

It's most definitely not just Raphielle who has a rape and cnc fetish. Proof below the cut, so anyone who's sensitive to pics of said things, don't click.

[fizzseed]

Mike leans in and presses his lips to Will’s before he can manage to think it through. It’s lukewarm, and dry, and objectively a pretty shitty kiss. But it sends shivers down his spine and makes his hair stand on end and is, subjectively, the best kiss of his entire life. Until he leans back and Will’s eyes are wide and he feels his stomach drop and the panic set in. 

He just kissed Will. He kissed Will, who is a boy and who probably hates him now. He’s just gone and messed up the best thing he’s ever had, just because he can’t fucking keep himself in check. It feels a little bit like someone is pressing down on his chest, like someone’s reached their hands inside his ribcage and is squeezing his lungs. Mike stands up from the couch, leaving Will sitting on it, wide-eyed shell-shocked as he backs out of the room.

His legs feel weak, a little bit. He’s stumbling, not really sure where he’s going except away from Will like that will somehow make all of this better. When he glances up, Will is staring straight ahead with his fingers raised and pressed lightly to his lips. Like he wants to wipe any trace of Mike away but is too afraid to touch. Mike feels sick. 

He bumps into something, and that something ends up being Nancy, who holds her hands against his shoulder. “Hey, watch where— Mike?”

“Yeah?” he breathes, unsure of where to look. Wherever he puts his eyes doesn’t really matter because it’s like the afterimage of Will is burned into his retinas forever. He ends up staring at one of Nancy’s brown ringlet curls, still damp from the shower. She smells like bath salts. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” 

“Nothing,” Mike says, entirely unconvincing, “nothing, just…” he digs for an excuse, “just getting some snacks. Yeah. For our study session.”

Nancy looks over his shoulder, presumably at Will. “Okay,” she says, clearly not buying any of Mike’s nonsense, “why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?”

Mike’s stomach drops again. Because he’s horrible. Because he’s a queer and just kissed his best friend without permission and then left him sitting there without permission. Because he’s just lost Will, probably. For good this time.

“Mike,” Nancy says, tone suddenly concerned instead of confused, “breathe.”

He takes a deep, shuddering breath that sticks in his throat when he hears steps behind him. 

“Hi,” he hears Will say behind him, and Nancy smiles.

“Hi, Will,” she answers. “Do you know what’s up with Mike?” she asks.

Some petty, apparently invincible younger sibling part of Mike rears its ugly head at that. “I’m right here,” he says crossly. 

Will just hums, also like Mike isn’t there, but Mike can almost feel his gaze burning into his neck. He knows Will is looking at him, but doesn’t dare look back at him. “I have an idea,” Will says mildly. “You can go back to whatever you were doing, Nancy.”

She smiles crookedly, and says, “thanks.” Then she runs up the stairs. 

“Mike,” Will says quietly.

The squeezing feeling comes back. Maybe if he stands really still and doesn’t say anything, he’ll just… disappear. His heart is beating so hard. Already, he’s trying to figure out what the hell he’s going to do when he doesn’t have Will any more. Obviously, the Party is going to side with him because Mike is a creep, and there’s no shot he can stay in Hellfire, and he’ll be all alone. He’ll have to find a new table to sit at on Monday at lunch, or maybe he can just start having lunch in the bathrooms, even if that’s gross. At least it eliminates the embarrassment that would come with sitting literally anywhere else than with the people he’s sat with since third grade. 

“Mike, will you look at me?” Will says. Apparently, trying to dematerialize didn’t work. That’s a shame.

“Why,” Mike says hoarsely.

“Oh my god,” Will says, exasperated, “will you just do it?”

Mike blinks, then starts slowly turning around to face Will. Will, who is blushing a pretty light red and who is smiling and who has big shiny eyes. Will, who is diving forwards and throwing his arms around Mike’s neck and pressing his smile to Mike’s slack jaw, who is kissing him back. 

Okay. Yeah.

That works.

[bnesszai]

skk Valentine's week day 2: camellias/you want to kiss me so bad you look stupid @bsdfanweek

hurt hurt hurt but a (rushed) happy ending.

Red camellia petals tumble from Chuuya's lips.

He holds one in between his two fingers. He isn't even surprised, which is the worst part. Mildly, he's in pain. Greatly, he's disappointed. In the back of his mind, he sees a coy smile and dark eyes and feels the ghost of a finger along his jawline.

Chuuya knew their arrangement was a bad idea, but he couldn't resist.

*

Smoke lifts from his lips into the open space of the room.

It drifts up, meeting with another trail of smoke, tangling together. He watches them and thinks there's something poetic about it. The back of his throat scratches and burns.

“Chibi, you look like you're going to be sick.”

Chuuya swallows hard, feeling a petal scrape its way back down. “Of course I am,” he grumbles. “You're here, afterall.”

“So mean!” Dazai whines. “And after I just—”

“God, shut the fuck up already.”

He does, for a moment. And then Dazai rolls over in the bed and pokes at Chuuya's cheek. “You're being weird.”

Wrinkling his nose, Chuuya puts his cigarette out on the ashtray by the bed. “You're—” But the sensation comes back, stronger this time, and Chuuya jolts out of bed. He locks himself in the bathroom, hacking up petals into his wastebasket. Dazai calls after him, once. Twice. Chuuya tells him to fuck off.

When Chuuya reemerges, Dazai is gone.

He coughs once more, a full, bleeding red camellia lands in his palm.

*

“You want to kiss me so bad you look stupid,” Dazai murmurs in his ear.

Chuuya shivers. He downs the rest of his wine, wincing as it slides down his ruined throat. There are petals pressing at the base of his throat, crowding through his lungs. He ignores them. Turning his head, Chuuya meets Dazai's daze. Dark, lidded eyes, cheeks tinted pink from the whiskey he's been nursing all night. He looks like the perfect mistake.

“Says you,” Chuuya bites.

In response, Dazai does actually bite. A gentle nibble to Chuuya's earlobe. “Of course I do,” he breathes, hot breath clashing with Chuuya's flushed skin. His mouth lowers, resting right against Chuuya's choker. “Isn't it within our nature to want to devour the beautiful things in front of us?”

Just enough whiskey in his system to be a little more honest, Chuuya thinks as his breath hitches. Chuuya can't even muster a response before Dazai's teeth rip the choker from his neck.

~

The thing with having Dazai physically is that he treats Chuuya like a temple.

Prayers into his skin, promises into his sheets, sin on his tongue.

But then, like a priest gone awry, he always leaves.

~

Chuuya's only company is the camellias.

*

“You look awful,” Dazai says.

“Thanks, asshole.”

Dazai's brows stitch together. “Really. What's wrong?”

Thinking of the flowers coating his room, his bathroom, the couch and the kitchen, Chuuya shakes his head. It hurts to talk. It hurts to breathe. He wants to be as far away from Dazai as possible but can't bare to leave.

Instead, he says, “Your flat is gross.”

Dazai studies him. He takes a hand and brushes Chuuya's hair from his face, cradles his cheek, presses a kiss to his nose. “You're lying.”

“No, it's fucking disgusting in here.”

“You're deflecting.”

And what can Chuuya say? That he promised no strings and yet has put a red thread on his pinky and continually tries to tie the other end around Dazai's? That he promised Dazai they could tumble around together while still carrying a seething disdain, except now he's so hopelessly head over heels that it is actually killing him?

“It's nothing. Just tired.”

Dazai leans over, brushing his nose against Chuuya's. “Liar,” he breathes, and then sucks the air straight out of Chuuya's lungs. “Chuuya is a terrible liar.”

“I—” and he can't get away in time. A rattling cough, a bleeding flower, an outraged cry.

Dazai stares.

“It's nothing,” Chuuya manages, voice hoarse.

Dazai takes the flower in bis palm but never looks away from Chuuya. His face is as impassive as ever. “Chuuya,” he says.

“It's fine.”

“Are you stupid?”

Chuuya is pretty sure his heart is tearing itself apart in his chest. Everything burns. He thinks he's crying, but it's hard to tell.

“Excuse me?”

Dazai sets the flower down as if it is a fragile thing. And then, he reaches out, arms wrapping around Chuuya, and pulls him close. “Stupid Chuuya.”

“You're the fucking idiot, let me go.”

His hold tightens. “No. Idiot. You're not going to die.”

“Well, clearly—”

“I adore you,” Dazai says.

Adore, not love.

“You're not going to die because your feelings are requited. Really, Chuuya, how stupid are you?”

Anger flares up but is soon stomped down by relief. By affection. Bh the absolute absurdity that is Dazai Osamu and the mess of their tangled lives.

“A real fucking idiot,” Chuuya mumbles, finally returning the embrace.

[alexis-royce]

Flipping back one of the ask questions: What are the Masters of the Bazaar with the greatest dislike of the Academic?

Most of The Masters either don’t care, or view The Ex-Disgraced Academic as something of a quiet embarrassment. For fun, here’s a list of The Academic’s current standing with all of them as of July 1902:

Mr. Cups - Mild embarrassment.

Mr. Irons - Mild embarrassment.

Mr. Spices - Thinks of The Academic as an interloper who really ought to have handled the Transports situation better. But Spices is pretty much irritated by default, so this is not too bad.

The Academic doesn’t cause trouble for it, and has sided with Spices in the past. Spices is The Academic’s favorite to see during Bazaar Heart visits, because Spices can be counted on to get things accomplished efficiently, professionally, and painlessly. It will occasionally dine at Station VIII, and is more comfortable there than it would like to admit. In the game’s canon, that is because the player is drugging it. In mine, The Academic has been experimenting with certain compounds, and Spices is mildly intrigued. The Academic hasn’t tried to pull anything, though curiosity is burning them alive. They know if they do, Spices could make their next monthly Bat Appointment absolutely horrifying.

Mr. Fires - Fires figured The Academic for a useful pawn while building the railroad, and has been rather surprised at how useful they are. The Scheme of the Phoenix had its ups and downs, but between that and the Starved Invasion, Fires knows it can count on The Academic to put everything on the line for London. Fires is currently working to establish Cards as a member in good standing to vote when The Masters congregate. It’s not happening any time soon, but Fires is investing early.

Also, it will sometimes have dinner at Station VIII. There are a shockingly pleasant number of topics they can discuss, and The Academic makes for a good listener (read: hyperfixation hostage).

Mr. Stones - Enmity. Stones finds The Academic’s chain-climbing less obnoxious; who wouldn’t climb the chain seeking power over others? However, The Academic has repeatedly taken actions against Stones. There’s traces of a grudge there, but no spark. Stones thought it would get an opportunity to put The Academic in their place, but the whole thing ended up rather shameful and best brushed under the rug.

Unless Pages gets uppity again. This is a particular pressure point that Stones could squeeze later. But for now, Stones has bigger veins to mine.

Mr. Veils - Gross embarrassment, occasional irritant. Pages just won’t learn its lesson about traipsing about with humans. Trysts are an embarrassment, an easy way to cause an info leak, doesn’t it know that?! Isn’t it already bad enough that it literally honeypotted the memory of its banishment into The Academic’s head?

It’s also really disgusting, the way this pack of absolute runts is taking in an even runtier addition.

Freaks. The lot of them. If this were the high wilderness, they would’ve been hunted long ago. And this sham “Cards” isn’t worth the energy it would take to raise a claw to slit its throat.

Really, where do these two get off, making such a MOCKERY of The Hunt? What’s with this petty ante catch-and-release garbage?

And The Academic’s fashion sense is atrocious too. Repellant. Crimes against fabric.

Ugh.

Mr. Wines - Mild embarrassment, when sober enough to care. Otherwise The Academic is a decent bartender, and Wines can count on a visit to Station VIII for some really top notch stuff and a hyperfixation hostage.

Mr. Happles - Absolutely charmed whenever it sees The Academic! Happles loves games, and watched The Marvellous with great interest. It was chuffed to see The Academic putting real elbow grease into playing its game with the poisons.

It’s also having an absolute whizbang of a time with The Academic’s Bat Appointments. Happles doesn’t just get a hyperfixation hostage to talk to, but to engage with, whether The Academic’s consented or not! The Academic stands to experience an exceptionally lengthened life by moving up the chain, so they’re a great case study. It’s also so cute the way The Academic listens and discusses their own thoughts on anatomical issues. Awwww, the fledgeling thinks it’s people!!!

Mr Pages - It’s incredibly complicated. But as of right this current moment:

The Academic just got back from stopping the rain, and then flew their airship right back up to the roof. What? No popping by to say hallo? One short letter (barely ten pages, what is this, the abridged notes?) and they’re off again?

And what was that pocket-sized volume of Poe doing tucked next to their pocket square?? Pages had forbidden those from ever reaching the Neath??? Pages went out of its way to make a public appearance at the congratulatory party, and even though it was all public facing, their handshake was paired with a smirk????

What are they reading? They must be reading something good!

Pages is going to harass their valet to let it into The Academic’s Spire-Library again, there must be something new to read there.

[extraordinaryhistories]

#12 – 'SuperSexyWoman' (A Sun Came, 1998)

From perhaps my favourite interview that Sufjan’s ever done:

Radar Online: If you could change one thing about your fans, what would it be?

Sufjan: Their earnestness. Some of my fans take me too seriously, and take themselves too seriously.

It seems absurd. Sufjan has predicated much of his career on being the most earnest musician in modern indie music. Even his most joyful music – however sparse that category may be – seems deeply sincere, a vessel for pure, unadulterated contentment. Ever since Pavement rebuilt the discipline in its own image, indie has firmly planted its tongue in its cheek, and only a few artists dare to dislodge it – because earnestness brings with it the risk of mockery. Earnestness is brave. (This, by-the-by, is a part of why I was drawn to Sufjan in the first place.)

But let us keep something in mind. This is the man whose 2016 tour featured choreographed dance routines to a song about his mother’s death and the Pete Townshend-esque smashing of a banjo to a song about the might of God. This is the man whose 2015 tour featured Drake’s ‘Hotline Bling’ regularly as an encore. This is the man whose 2011 tour featured neon jumpsuits and an amplifier with Prince Harry’s face proudly emblazoned on its surface. And this is the man whose debut album, to put it mildly, is loaded with farce.

Sometimes, Sufjan really is just having fun. Part of writing about his music effectively is knowing which battles to pick. ‘SuperSexyWoman’ is not the battle that anybody should be picking, at all, ever. ‘SuperSexyWoman’ is a goofy joke song about a woman who is Superman’s cousin and shoots out super farts. If you think that ‘SuperSexyWoman’ is worth writing academic essays about, if you think you are uniquely equipped to discover a ‘real’ meaning behind a song like this, consider that you might be exactly the type of fan that Sufjan is reprimanding.

Another, somewhat related, point. From /u/TreePangolin in a thread on /r/Sufjan:

Years ago I briefly worked with a woman who went to high school with Suf and she seemed delighted and surprised to discover that I loved his music. She said their friends would make fun of him for wanting to be a musician so badly even though he couldn't sing and his songs were terrible... She would say stuff like, "It's so funny you know him just from his music - it's great to hear that it worked out for him in the end, we really didn't think it would back then!"

You wonder how this could possibly be, and then you relisten to ‘SuperSexyWoman’, which seems to be exactly the sort of song she describes, and your doubts are quickly dispelled. This song is probably not even A Sun Came’s worst (the faintest praise imaginable), but it is most certainly pretty shoddy. Lyrically it is just about as it appears on the surface – a song about a superwoman, part hero and part sex machine, with all the stereotypical superwoman features and some gross-out surrealism to boot (the ‘fart’ line is, by acclamation, the worst lyric that Sufjan has ever written, and it’s not even close.) Goofy, silly drivel from a man with a very peculiar sense of humour, one that we are far less privy to on his studio albums as compared to his shows.

But it is the music, not the lyrics, that I find most disappointing. There is a live recording of this song floating around the internet – yes, he performed this song live, albeit incredibly rarely – that I find to be quite a stunning transformation, in that it makes ‘SuperSexyWoman’ actually rather listenable. The bassline, anaemic in the mix of the studio version, is transformed into this roaring, monstrous electric guitar line that just sears through the arrangement; combined with James McAllister’s driving drum pattern, ‘SuperSexyWoman’ weirdly sounds almost Kiss-like. It swaggers. This, I feel, is how the song ought to have been treated. Instead we get the studio version, which bears all the hallmarks of a deeply inexperienced self-producer. Shambolic, tacky-sounding drums, totally toneless acoustic guitar, and a hall-of-fame irritating vocal performance from Sufjan. If the lyrics were not off-putting enough, the instrumental certainly is – there is little pleasure to be derived from this song.

One cannot fault ‘SuperSexyWoman’ too much. It knows what it’s doing; its creator was well aware he was not writing a masterpiece. It is the very definition of a novelty song, Sufjan goofing around with some toilet humour and seeing what sticks – not much sticks, but A Sun Came has a number of endearing, earnest, po-faced songs for us to listen to, and ‘SuperSexyWoman’ will not change that fact. This is the Sufjan who encored with ‘Hotline Bling’, smashed banjos and toured with a Prince Harry amplifier: relish him, because his appearances are fleeting.

[reigningqueenofwords]

Be Thankful

Pairing: Steve x Reader Word count: 1,353

Read on AO3

Part 8 of Looking for the Captain

By the time that Steve knocked on your door that evening, you’d already changed into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He paused at the door when you opened it, bowls in hand. “Is that my shirt?” He asked, eyebrow raised. “It looks like my shirt.” 

You looked down at it, then back at him. “I dunno. It was tangled in my laundry and it looked comfy. I figured maybe next time it was in the laundry it would get back to its owner.” You shrugged, letting him in. “How awkward was it after I left?” You asked. 

He sighed, handing you your ice cream. “Very, very awkward.” He admitted. Which was putting it mildly to him.

“Oh no.” You groaned, getting comfortable on your bed. “What happened?” 

“First off, he asked me if I have a thing for ‘his daughter’.” He chuckled lightly as you scrunched your nose. “I asked him if he had to word it that way, and pointed out that you’re your own person, and an adult.” He explained, watching you slowly take a bite of your ice cream. “He then called you his little girl-”

You made a face. “Ew.” You said softly. That was just wrong. 

“And said you’re off limits.” He finished. “I told him that he’s like my brother but this is between me and you, and told him you’d made some good points. About the whole me being on ice thing, and him knowing I’m not some random guy. I’m not abusive, and he knows I’m a good guy.” 

“Well, you are.” You smiled. “What did he have to say about that?” You were really curious. Bucky didn’t seem to be the type to back down. 

“Nothing.” 

You stared at him. “Nothing?” That seemed odd. “He seems very stubborn. I was expecting that he would try to counter that.” 

Steve nodded, finally getting comfortable. “Me, too.” 

“But, enough about that grumpy old man.” You nudged him lightly. “I believe we have a movie to watch.”

“What did you pick?” He asked, glancing at you, almost worried. 

You smirked. “I nearly picked American Pie, but I don’t think you’re ready for pie fucking.” You laughed as he choked on the bite of ice cream he was eating. 

“I’m tempted to say ‘language’, but I can’t think of how else you’d get that across that wouldn’t sound gross.” He wiped his mouth. “But, thank you. You’re right. I would like to not see that.”

“I actually picked something from the 50s.” You told him shyly. “I figured it would have been something if you’d had a ‘normal’ life back then and had kids.” You’d been trying to figure out something to watch, and it had caught your eye. 

He was surprised at that. It was a far cry from SAW, that was for sure. “What movie?” 

“Peter Pan. It’s from 1953.” Taking a bite of your ice cream, you hoped that he didn’t find that weird. He’d missed out on a lot of normal stuff, which wasn’t fair. He totally came across as the type of guy who would have settled down after the war and been a dad.

Steve surprised you with a soft smile. “That’s sweet. Put it on.” 

Once you’d both finished your ice cream, you’d set the bowls on your night stand and moved to use his lap as a pillow. Just over half way, he realized you were asleep. He’d let you sleep, and once the movie was over, he’d try to move you and tuck you in. 

He just didn’t expect to also nod off towards the end. He was that relaxed. 

Bucky went to see you, wanting to get to know you. Beyond fighting with you about being an adult. Reaching your room, he could hear music and remembered you were watching a movie with Steve. He gently knocked, and opened the door when he didn’t get an answer. He saw the pair of you asleep and glanced at the tv. The last thing he expected you to choose was what appeared to be an old cartoon. 

Quietly shutting the door, he sighed. He felt the need to hit something, he was beyond frustrated. “JARVIS, is Natasha awake?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Can you ask her to meet me in the training room?” He hoped to get some of this frustration out, and hopefully get her thoughts on everything. She wouldn’t hold back. He needed that. Natasha had seen you and Steve together more than he had, afterall. 

“She will be right there, sir.” 

Nat came in, dressed to train. “I take it something’s on your mind, Barnes?” She knew him too well. “Something happen with the people that are threatening her?” 

“They’re too quiet right now. That’s why I’m here.” He sighed, pulling his hair up into a low ponytail. “But that’s not what had me asking you here.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “This is about Rogers.” There was no question, it was a statement. 

He let out an unamused chuckle. “Yeah.” He nodded. “ Rogers .” 

“Alright. Let’s talk about it while I kick your ass.” She smirked. 

Before anything else was said, they began to spar, falling easily into it. “I know she has feelings for him.” He started, ducking. “I could tell by how she looks at him.” He was clearly upset about it. “I asked him if he had feelings for her, but he said that’s between them.” 

“Because it is.” Her voice gave little hint that they were actively sparring. 

“She’s my daughter!” He reminded her. 

She was unphased. “And?” 

“He’s like my brother.” 

“And? He’s not actually your brother. He’s a good guy, Barnes.” Like he needed reminding. “He can keep her safe. Say we keep her out of danger this time, and we train her to defend herself, what’s to say that in 10 years someone worse won’t go after her? She’s talented, and picks up fighting easily, but she’s not us.” 

He paused. “You’ve been training her?” He let out a noise as she got him in the stomach. 

“Since right after she moved in.” She informed him, locking her thighs around his neck. “We all take turns. With me she does stretching, cardio, and we alternate between weights and self defense. On her own she does yoga.” She slammed him onto a mat. 

“Does she train tomorrow?” He worked on getting himself free from her thighs. 

“Yeah, with me.” 

“I’ll be here.” He wanted to see what this training was. “Is tomorrow defense or weights?”

“Defense.” She said simply. 

Bucky didn’t like how things were going. This wasn’t what he pictured when he sent you to find Steve. He didn’t want you trained. He didn’t want you falling for his best friend. None of it. “I found them asleep together.” He told her. 

“Okay?” She didn’t see the harm. “They’re sleeping.” 

“It’s so weird to me. She won’t listen to me, even if I am her father.” 

“She’s a lot like you. Stubborn and hard headed.” She threw a punch. “And put yourself in her shoes. She’s lived her whole life thinking you’re some deadbeat, and then out of nowhere you send her a letter about being in danger. Then you show up expecting her to act like she’s known you her whole life. She’s an adult. She’s in college for pre-med.” He had to understand that. “I’d try to be her friend more than anything. Not some authority figure. Let her make her own choices, and just be there for her.” 

While she was probably right, he didn’t know how he was supposed to do that. “How am I, as her father, supposed to not say anything about her tiny dresses? Or being like that with my best friend?” He asked. 

“Remind yourself that to her having a father is some abstract idea.” She stopped sparring, just watching him. “The more you try to act like one, the more she will push back. It might just make her do more things that piss you off.” She gave his arm a pat. “She’s got a good head on her shoulders, be thankful.”

[inventors-fair]

And Another Thing: Mistake Contest Runners-up!

Our runners-up this week are @corporalotherbear, @nine-effing-hells, and @stupidstupidratcreatures!

@corporalotherbear — Counterstrike

I was quite torn on this card, actually. It's incredibly complicated when it needs to be and extremely simple—and powerful—in every other circumstance. Honestly, I'd play this card for sure; at its worst, it's "deal 3 damage to target attacking or blocking creature, or a creature that's being declared an attacker at the beginning of combat before it can do its thing." At its best, it destroys combat tricks and smashes face. Versatile is the name of the game.

Is it just me, though, or is this quite ambitious for an uncommon? I think that the complexity stands out to me because of all the possible restrictions and inter-rules complications. I can imagine players being quite annoyed if their choice of target becomes illegal, and so the spell they were trying to counter still resolves. And at the same time, that's a corner-case that's easily explained in more complex gameplay in general, so like, I get it, and I love it. I especially love, if your opponent's at 3 life and about to swing for lethal, you can get them before damage with this and blow them away. I'm weird like that, though—and for the record, the mechanics stood out first and foremost but the flavor text is also sending me. Great job on the humor there.

@nine-effing-hells — Oeuvre Bonfire

Looks like this wizard's work is now...oeuvre-done. Heyo! Anyway, this card's probably fine as a ramp spell in limited if you really need it. I can't imagine that it would get more than 3-4 mana depending, but what do I know? I think that a set like Shadows over Innistrad showed the power of Delirium, but even then, the question is: at what point in the game are you hoping to fill your graveyard to the point where this card is worth it? If you max out on non-planeswalker card types in a normal limited environment, then getting artifact + instant + sorcery + enchantment + creature + land for 2→6 mana is... I don't know, I don't think it'd be worth it.

All the same, some combo players are gonna try to make it work through channeling and discarding and all that nonsense, so what do I know. The flavor of it makes it worth it. What kind of madness are we seeing here? Is this the freedom from the mistake that grants the speaker a new lease on life? Or, are we seeing the beginning of a madness only emergent from one's realization that time has been wasted so? The ambiguity here is really doing it for me—including the question of whether this was by force from an outside perspective, internally a mistake, or a choice upon a mistake realized. I love what you've done with this, honestly.

@stupidstupidratcreatures — Bright Idea

This flavor text saved you from the fact that you submitted this card literally three minutes before I had queued the list of entries. If you're gonna try to cut it that close again, you better believe you'll be scrubbing yourself out of the tiles! Regardless, I can't say that this card is especially inspired considering the 2BB instant that destroyed a creature or planeswalker, but for one, the tapped requirement is fair enough, and the W ideal cost is a little more aggressive and combat focused, and it exiles, so whateva. And the world as well! I can imagine this being less of the Kamigawa variety and more... Hm, that's a good question, actually.

Where would a wizard try to put a star in a bottle? I'll be honest, the first person I imagined was an old-school wizard in star robes with a fancy hat, and I'm stopping myself now before I try to go down the Wikipedia rabbit hole about historical depictions of wizards in fantasy. Maybe this is Dominaria, maybe this is even Capenna because of the janitorial angle. All the same! I think that the dark humor in a wizard's alchemical mistake is enough of a mildly-gross moment that I'll admit to cracking a smile here. Hey, what more can you want?

Commentary comin' as it comes. @abelzumi

[positivelybeastly]

🖤 😂

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

Tony Stark is objectively a handsome man, Hank can appreciate this fact. Strong profile? Check. Excellent hair? Check. Gorgeous when he smiles? Check. Looks great in tank tops, covered in oil, or in thousand dollar tailored suits? Check!

However.

Hank has something he wishes to say himself, as an addendum.

"Shame about the rest of him, really."

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

Honestly, of the genius club, Hank has probably the most fractious relationship with Tony out of them all, going all the way back to the 70s and the time honoured tradition of everyone in that era of Marvel comics being a low (or high!) key cunt to one another. That being said, they've both mellowed out a fair bit in the time since, and while they can certainly bedevil the hell out of one another, I feel like Hank respects Tony. Even if he does, occasionally, think he needs his Cheez-its taken away from him, just to teach him a lesson.

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

Definitely not something Hank immediately thinks about when he sees Tony, they're just too wired to be rivals or friends for him to look at him and go, yeah, and he'd certainly be weirded out if Tony started making genuine moves on him, but he's not, you know. Gross or anything. He's just not his first pick. We all know who is.

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends / my only friend.

They were on an Avengers team together, that automatically puts them in the 'would die for each other' category, and hell, I can think of at least one direct example of Hank literally telling Tony to let him die rather than put himself or others at risk in classic Avengers, because Hank is like that. That being said, I don't think they spend quite enough time casually to be best friends.

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

So, I'm fairly certain the first time they actually met was in the original Avengers vs. X-Men in, like, 1964 or whenever it was, where there was a hack reason to make the two teams fight? But Hank is the kind of person who very much looks up to acclaimed scientists like Bruce, Tony and Hank Pym, and who would admire someone like Iron Man for doing public good, so I'm going with pre-X-Men Hank going off of the public impression of the two halves of Tony's life.

current impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

Hank has long since learned that Tony Stark is a man of his word, a man of honour, and a man of integrity, even if he can sometimes be a man who needs to learn the value of shutting the goddamn fuck up. He trusts him implicitly. They've worked to save the multiverse together, after all, even if it wasn't exactly a happy time for them.

[1tsjusty0u]

how much does wreath cook? does he like cooking

id say he does!! kind of. he used to cook a lot- both pre cal and post cal, but then eventually he just. stopped. he used to like the process and tasting the batter but now it just feels hollow to him. it only gets worse post cal as he goes on because of things </3. he likes cooking with his mom and aryll though (aryll doesnt initiate she only joins in when she sees link doing it Purely to lick the batter. based and batterpilled. also sometimes she likes to make abominations both as a prank but also to feed wildlife. i say abominations but really i just mean mildly weird food i dont think i can bring myself to make gross foods A Thing in general. like cat food milk. i would sob. they made star shape decorations in pie once)

he cooks a lot early on to make sure his stomach doesnt hate him, and also for status effects. spicy peppers he saves specifically for mt hylia on the great plateau and for the meat and seafood fry, but otherwise yeah!! until he can get armour he makes food purely for status effects in certain places like hebra and death mountain. speaking of death mountain he never got the armour for that he made a 30 minute (30 HOUR in-game time wise) elixr with a dragon horn. yes he drank it until he learned you should. put it on. but he still drinks it just chugs it with like. a normal/sweet drink so he doesnt puke from the texture and taste. he gets used to it eventually! also he cooks along with the champions (“for old times sake!”) because their ghosts follow him here. which is a recent development outside of the story wise. as time goes on though as he gets closer to freeing zelda and After he frees zelda he cooks a lot less. i am heavily debating whether the champions move on or not which would also affect it, and or if they chill with zelda. but yeah as time progresses he stops, opting to eat raw ingredients from the slate (that arent meat. he has standards that his stomach needs to remind him of), like radishes and hyrule herbs and nuts as a quick snack. sometimes he will if hes that hungry and or he just. wants something sweet. but yeah. he makes hot chocolate lot though still. and he also makes things when coming over like with purah or paya or teba and such, but its only for other people rather than himself. so . yeah. maybe he’ll be able to enjoy it again one day