#ive been wanting to write something thats more lighthearted so i feel like this could be a good way to do that

[mouseplaid]

wanted to rewatch spooksville bc i was feeling nostalgic and the only version on youtube is the spanish dub but im understanding a lot more than i expected so :) hehe

[hand-painted-5tars]

hey, its the hottest spring, speudo-summer i might say. i am considering retaking journalling just because i have the hunch it would do wonders to my mind. drawing is too doing wonders to my mind, both simultaneously creating and allowing some information, ideas relief.

i am 24, writing to an old voice, from a website i barely touch but that craddled my dreams when i entered college. and now after eons im here, i do come here sometimes to just talk to you like this, but i do still come sometimes, the same way you pop on my mind sometimes, lighthearted, not always good, but always lovingly. so im here. 4:30pm still working hours but im on lunch break. i work home. extra time i waste because my organizing skills have always been bad and i heard it has a name and im not medicating propperly for it, but then again i never have and ive come this far. so once again, track lost and refound, im here. 24, sitting at home working, drenched in sweat because the weather is awful, but in front of me theres my keyboard, my screen and to my side its the box i set up yesterday, my first and very own CPU. its black, tall and the left side has a pannel that allows me to see the fans spin and the silver of the processors resistance. something i always wanted when i was a child. a real gamer cpu, bought with my own money, and something i wasnt expecting. assembled throught my own hands. i know i shouldnt celebrate departures but in this case i cant help but being way too happy. way too giddy. y' know the way my head just gets stuck on things and wont let go till a big dawn. i hadnt realized how much i was missing, (a pity my brain just wouldnt let go) being entirely obsessed with several groups and such. uh yeah. the posters are there and the albums are too, but i dont burn like i did, desperate to know what did the kpop boys i like this round do today. they seem to be busy, thats good but its as good as i care, i dfidnt realize until i left how in most cases it felt like it didnt quite fit.

now im back on games stuff, its like i should have come here before, you know i knew i would have enjoyed it, their approach, this peoples approach to art is much freer, much more experimental and interesting and i could cry on how well it feels, not just to see things i think about appreciated but finding people who seem to be on that same wavelength. not that i dont appreciate the time, not that i dont love dearly everyone the past around 8 years gave me. i am just simply overjoyed in what i find today. i guess in the end everythings a phase, beginning and end entirely important. how i enter and how i end, what i got in the process its whats really important. i feel youd get it. but more importantly, and the most importantly is that their approach to art reignited mine in a way i hadnt seen in years, that nothing, nothing ever came close to do in the past decade since after you passed. maybe bts came close, but that only solidifies a subject above that has to do with themes and experimentation of art. but back on track. many times last year and in the past few years i was considering jsut leaving art, wanted to rip it off me. wanted off so i wouldnt disappoint myself every single time i tried and tried and failed, knowing i could be normal if i let go something i was never gifted and pretending would just burn me all over. the whole process has been like trying desperately to bury a living thing and hoping it stops coming out. every feet of dirt i just kept disappointing me further, i kept wishing i could take it all lightly. i was so close to dropping it, entirely.and well the regret the regret of seeing how much does everyone around me with real art careers were improving so much while i was crunching code on websites, most time spent trying to tell myself i could make it without drawing, maybe that will ease me out on the paper. but it never did it never came easier, it became harder and harder, and most times i wanted off as if it never existed in first place. not that i didnt love it i simply convinced myself it would be pointless to put on an effort and be disappointed in the end by the lackluster results i end up giving. im sorry, no amount of eroding edges and softening remove how jagged my insides are, and sorry no amount of regret can turn back time and hone the skills for all the time i lost being afraid, thats always been my pitfall. im sorry i only wanted to make you a drawing to explain how much your art ever meant to me and i never got the guts to truly put you in paper. you have always been the most tender of souls and my lacking hand couldnt do justice. but i think im back now. what i mean is that im back to trying this for real, with the intention of breaking, the intention of what i desperately said i did but i never did. im breaking the bones and instead of burying it im ransacking the fucking grave i guess. it all starts the same place it ends. im back where i was in highschool when i decided my young naive self that i wanted to tell stories through art, obsessed with games and animated series, and you were there too, beautiful, so i thought, i should tell you, because i tell you everything.

and so im back where i started, so much time lost but no regrets i guess. sorry not for dropping the pencil but for the many many times i lied about it. you will have my worse because thats after all the most that could be given, stupid, and worrysome, and unable to stop making all the mistakes i didnt make when i was young and too busying trying to make a daughter my parents would be proud instead of whatever i am so theres so much to pick up. i am to be build from scratch, so much to do, so much rough, so much lack of skills, and so you will have me in all the mistakes and loose ends i left, the splinter in the wood from everything i tore apart and never propperly cleaned, but its all of me, and theres so much to clean here before we can propperly start anew. i will take care of it. anyway, i build a computer from scratch like i wished when i was 14 and i still have some tasks to do for work today, but after that im all yours so if youll have me.

[violetnotez]

d r a m a t u r g y

Itadori x reader | Jujutsu Kaisen

⤷ Genre: Fluff

⤷ Word Count: 1072

⤷ Warnings: maybe cursing???? maybeeeeeeeeeee idk its been awhile 😂

⤷ Author’s Note: Ahhh my first Jujutsu Kaisen fic! Im honestly kinda scared to write for a new fandom, but hey ya only live once! Immediately after watching Jujutsu I swear to god I feel for Itadori faster than any anime boy in my entire life- so it is safe to say Yuuji is my new husbando 😛

⤷ Song Recs: “Youth-Dabin”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ ✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: 

“Yuuji, you almost done yet?” you sighed, your body dangled across your boyfriend's bed, head so low your scalp was almost touching the floor.

You knew you sounded desperate, your voice taking on a whiny tone-not too far off from a child impatiently waiting to get a treat. 

You grimaced internally at the way your tone of voice, frustration riddling in your body at your situation.

One kiss- one measily peck on the lips….thats really all you wanted...and this man had the audacity to deny it to you.

Yuuji chuckled, the sound warm like honey as it dribbled from his mouth.

“Aw cmon, babe, you really miss me that much?”

You sighed exasperatedly, your voice full of yearning as you yawned out a “yes”, your mouth forming a pout as Yuuji chuckled once again to himself at your clinginess.

Something about Itadori Yuuji drove you wild inside….the way he touched you was so intoxicating that you felt your lungs stop in the most blissful ways. He always took your breath away, palms trailing against every expanse of skin, the intoxicating smell of his cologne mixed with his detergent making a scent that made your brain fuzzy and body more desperate to mold into his. 

Yuuji was never a serious lover, always giggling or cracking jokes, constantly praising you with his kind words and beautiful sounds. He was such a ball of warmth, melting into you and making your whole body feel completely bathed in comfort and heat.

So why would he deny you that bliss?

You exhaled again, a prickling sensation filling your stomach as you stared at your boyfriend. He was working so calmly and diligently on his homework, unknowing to how  your mind was racing as you imagined his hand on your body, the way his lips ghosted on your skin…

You heard him clear his throat, the sound breaking your lonely day dream. You swiveled yourself up from your upside down position, watching carefully as his writing hand slightly stalled against his paper.

He slowly turned to look at you, his frosted pink hair cascading over shy, choclate brown eyes.

“Why-why not come here and sit?” He smiled weakly, “ Im almost finished, it shouldn't take too long-”

You could hear that tell tale sign of nervousness in Yuuji’s voice-you had been dating him for 6 months now, and had known him for even longer as being best friends for many years. 

But the poor guy was always, always seemingly a nervous wreck when he initiated physical affection- and it honestly was the most adorable thing ever to you. They way he’d try to crack jokes to make it more lighthearted, or how his cheeks reddened from just being so close to you, made you just fall for him even more. It also didn't hurt that poor Itadori was quite bad at hiding his true emotions, even his smallest white lies so easy to read it was almost comical.

So you knew without a doubt Yuuji was practically dying inside from offering his lap to you- but God could he be any more adorable though...

You grinned devilishly as that statement echoed in the room, now a mantra replaying in your mind.

Finally, finally some desperately needed, selfish attention.

You scrambled off his bed, making the short distance to his chair and plopping yourself in his waiting lap, legs bending against his outer thighs and hands wrapping against his neck.

It felt like bliss- you melted your body into his, succumbing to that intoxicating scent, snuggling your face into the crook of his neck.

You felt Itadori chuckle, the vibration tickling your cheeks as you grazed his exposed skin.

“I dont think Ive ever seen you run over to me that quickly, babe-Maybe I should do that more often-”

That small joke made you feel even more possessive over your boyfriend, your hands  wrapping deeper against his skin to soak up as much warmth as you could.

“Don't be getting any ideas,” you scolded playfully, your voice muffled from being so close to him, “ or Ill take away your cuddling privileges,”

Yuuji laughed again at your weak threat, his digits trailing against your scalp and dancing against the soft skin behind your ear

“Like you could really stick to that, “ he smiled, “youd give up on the first day,”

You scrunched your nose at the jab, bringing yourself to look at Yuuji.

The freaking punk- you could already hear the smirk in his voice, but it was even worse when you looked at him. This man looked like a smug puppy, always desperately wanting attention and flaunting it when he got it. It was written all over his face that he was loving how needy you were for him.

You pursed your lips to the side, your eyes squinting slightly at your smug boyfriend.

“And youd be begging me in the first hour”, you retorted back, trying your best to look stern.

It was so hard to do that with Itadori though- he was just so damn comforting you couldnt help but just want to smile and drown him with all your affection.

Yuuji’s smile slowly dwindled to a dreamy grin, his eyes softer as he reached out for your face, cradling your cheeks against his hand. That faint smell of cologne lingered in the air, the scent even stronger now. You closed your eyes, your body riddled with a tingling sensation as you sucked in that intoxicating smell.

“Oh really,” he taunted back with a soft smile, “Id be begging?”

Shit-you creaked your eyes open ever so gently, kicking yourself internally for being so obvious.

He knew exactly what he was doing- Yuuji sometimes forgot how charming he could truly be, but when he remembered- it was game over for you. You could barely think straight, only able to focus on him and his touch.

Yuuji placed a kiss on top of your forehead, the sensation sending an explosion of fire works across your whole body, the spot almost ticklish.

You couldn’t even deny him-he was your whole world, and you'd go crazy if you weren't with him.

“Its okay though,” he smiled, his voice soft as his thumb brushed against your cheek.

“Id go a little crazy without you too.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ ✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:

Masterlist   |    Tip Jar    | Requests Open for Jujutsu Kaisen + Haikyuu! 

12/16/20

[blxetsi]

Hi there! I love your work!! So I know this sounds a little niche but, could we get headcanons for a reader in a polyamorous relationship with Hange and Miche please? Hope you’re having a really good day!

NO BEXAUSE IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEINE TO REQUEST POLYAMOROUS STUFF OMGGGGG 😭 ty for your service anon it means a lot 😔🙏

hange and mike dating headcanons (canonverse)

zoë hange x gn!reader x mike zacharias

warnings: polyamorous relationship, and titans ??, reader is kinda innocent ?? like just easily wound up

also this is going to be SO fucking long and focused on hange for the first long bit sorry !

btw this isnt rlly dating headcanons so much as backstory, how you met, and shit leading up to actually getting together i went so fucking overboard and went the complete opposite way of what you asked ill do a part two with ACTUAL dating headcanons if youd like anon just tell me and ill do it

- i think you wouldve worked for garrison originally

- in season one when hange started the experiments on sawney and bean thats when you would've met them

- you had been a big fan of their research studies for a while, so being in front of someone you thought was so cool was a little nerve wracking

- you had just became newly appointed as a captain for a garrison squad, being one of the youngest recruits to get the position, which also meant some people thought you couldnt handle the job

- you were good at telling others what to do, and guiding them when needed, you took over the leader role very quickly, you had to if you wanted to keep the position

- although you thought you were a good leader, others didnt

- specifically older members of garrison who thought because you were so young, youd be naive

- and since you were a garrison captain, you worked closely with hange and moblit during their experiments

- any request they made for supplies or anything, went through you and youd get it for them

- they needed more help ? youre requesting three soldiers to the experimentation zone immediately. anything they needed you helped with, because you liked helping

- hange had quickly grown fond of you, they were so thankful that you were so willingly to have your squad help them. you remember the brunette grabbing your hand and saying "thank you for your dedication to this project and to science !" while bowing multiple times

- as unsanitary and childish as it was,,, you didnt wash that hand for a day

- hange saw how some members of your squad treated you, and it may have irked them a bit

- causing them to rant to moblit while writing down research data

- "hange." "i just dont get it, why dont they say anything ? theyre so nice so why dont people respect them like they should-" "hange !" "what ?!" "youre writing down captain l/n's name on your page !" "so what ?!- wait what" this causes a night of bickering between the two of them 😐🤚

- when sawney and bean died hange was devastated. you had grown to like the section commander as a friend and respected them greatly, so to see their hardwork and research all go down the drain was hard

- you immediately went into leader mode and started ordering your squad around "listen up ! i want this whole perimeter checked and searched for any evidence to help us find out who did this." a couple members groaned, and one man, who was in his early thirties made a comment about it. "theyre just stupid fucking titans. we're supposed to kill them, not keep them alive for some freak to experiment on them."

- yknow,, looking back on it maybe you shouldnt have went off on them the way you did, but you did because not only was the man questioning your authority and orders, he was blatantly disrespecting a section commander. "i am your captain. i am your leader. you will respect me, and you will listen to me. you either do i say or youll be suspended and taken off my squad immediately. and that goes for everyone ! do i make myself clear ?" you shouted. the man who had talked back raised his eyebrows, youd never once yelled or demanded things be done in a manner like this, and it clearly shocked him when you stood up for yourself.

- a bunch of murmurs came from your squad and you dismissed them, but not before stepping in front of your soldier in front of everyone. "between you and me ? you should be discharged for not only your blatant disrespect and defiance to me for months now, but also for your innapropriate and degrading comments about section commander hange. you wanna pull some shit like this in the future, not just to me but to anybody ? you should kiss your position in garrison squad goodbye, since youre too childish to keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself. now grow the fuck up and go do what ive asked please." the man looked scared as he stared at you, no one had seen you act like this before, his jaw clenched as he nodded and walked off, the rest of your squad dispersing with him

- you didnt notice hange calling your name until you felt their hand on your shoulder. you turned around and saw their sympathetic gaze on you. "thank you for defending me. are you okay ?"

- you rubbed the back of your neck and answered. "honestly ? i feel kind of bad, like i embarassed him or something." the survey corps leader tilted their head back as they laughed. "youre so kind y/n, but im proud of you." the comment, although lighthearted, struck a cord with you

- a couple days later you were requested to meet with not only the section commander but commander smith, as well as your superior, dot pixis

- the meeting only lasted about thirty minutes, but hange had boasted about not only your leadership skills but also your knowledge and ideas on various sciences. erwin decided to offer you a position to work under hange, and dot pixis agreed to have you transferred to the survey corps if you agreed.

- did your decision have to do with your crush on hange ? maybe. would you ever admit it ? no.

- pixis explained to you that youd be honorably disharged from the garrison regiment before being moved to the scouts' headquarters in trost

- you surprisingly got along well with others there. working in hanges squad was fun, and even though you were demoted from a captain back to a cadet you didnt mind

- hange had offered to share as much knowledge as they could with you, which led you to be in their office (as messy as it was) after work hours

- and thats where you met mike

- well, got to know him

- hange introduced you two when you first joined and the first thing the section commander did was NOT shake the hand you held out for him but to lean down and sniff around your hair and neck

- your face felt hot as you stuttered over your words, thrown off by his,,, unique, greeting

- hange and laughed and lightly pushed him away, before explaining to you that thats just what mike did

- back to being in hanges office

- for nights on end youd stay up together in their office, two chairs huddled beside one another while you read through books of research, not just from hange but from published scientists and anthropologists too

- mike had started joining you two only three days after you and hange started

- he would stay quiet, but would sit next to hange making them be sandwiched by the two of you

- after that you started to notice him more often

- down the halls he'd send you a small smile, which you brightly returned

- sometimes he'd be in charge of training that day, and he would wordlessly help you position your arms to properly block or punch when sparring with other members

- then he started bringing tea when he would come and listen to you and hange discuss different theories, articles and information together

- you didnt even know the two were dating until you accidentally walked in on them in hange's office

- they werent doing anything dirty, just giving each other a kiss, but you had walked in on them with a stack of papers captain levi told you to give to hange.

- you kinda,, stood there, slackjawed, while the two pulled apart slowly to look at you. hange had a mischievous grin on their face while mike just gave you a blank stare

- you dropped the papers. the stack of documents levi tasked you to give to hange. you dropped them. How Embarassing.

- your face began to feel hot not just from seeing them but also because youre embarassing yourself by dropping the papers and just standing there like an IDIOT

- "uh,,, i- captain levi said to give you those documents you requested." your voice cracked at the end making you wince

- "you mean the documents that are spread out on my floor now ?" hange asked. you looked between them and the floor, then at mike, then back to the floor than back at hange. "yes." you said, and you could feel that warmth in your face spreading to your ears now too. "im sorry." you exclaimed, your voice sounding strained as you quickly walked backwords and closed the door in front of you

- you started avoiding hange and mike after that, and became hyper aware of everything that they did. they were TAUNTING YOU 🙄 you could feel it

- instead of small smiles in the halls, after you started ducking your head down when you saw mike, he would now give you head pats when you crossed him

- hange would let their hand linger on your shoulder or side as they shuffled past you during meetings or experiments, and would come closer than usual when handing you documents

- mike would give you teasing smiles when you got your ass handed to you during sparring

- and finally you were fed up ! did this count as workplace harassment ? you didnt know but you wanted answers ! so you went to the source, hange's room after dinner

- you didnt bother knocking, you just walked in with your eyes closed

- hange giggled, "what are you doing y/n ?" "making sure im not walking into something i shouldnt be seeing, section commander." "by that do you mean the kiss mike and i shared ?" "yes." "well we're not kissing right now." they said, and you peaked one eye open to be sure they werent lying, and they werent !

mike stood up from his chair and slowly made his way past you, closing the door. you took a deep breath before throwing all of your word vomit on blond and brunette duo. "so i dont know why you guys think teasing me like this is fun, but it isnt. it makes me flustered and nervous and feel weird and im not sure if it counts as abuse of power but i dont like it so it needs to stop." you huffed in a big breath of air after saying all of that, and hange rested their head in their hands.

"y/n do you have a crush on me ?" they asked. their voice was soft but they still had that stupid smile on their face. you could feel your face getting warmer by the second. your mouth opened and closed but no words came out.

" i uh, im gonna leave now." you turned around but hit something hard, and looked up at mike looking down on you, a smirk on his face. he put his hands on your shoulders and turned you back around to hange, walking the two of you over to their desk. he gave you a slight push, causing you to put your hands on the desk and lean on it, while mike kept his hands on you to keep you from running.

hange leaned into you, your noses barely touching. "i only ask because, mike and i have grown very fond of you." they said. you nodded a little bit, the tips of your noses brushing against each other.

"yeah well, id be a little sad if my superiors didnt like me, that would be kind of bad." you replied.

"can i kiss you ?" they asked.

and now is when your brain really stops functioning. thoughts fill your mind of mike and his relationship to hange. are they actually together or is it a friends with benefits kind of thing ?

"i uh, i cant kiss you." you replied, a bit breathlessly caused by both section commanders.

"why not y/n ?"

"well i'm not a cheater, or a homewrecker. i mean i assume that you and mike are together so, im not going to kiss someone in a relationship." you stammered out. this was making you very nervous, butterflies errupting in your stomach. you knew they were just teasing you, goofing around to make you flustered, but a part of you hoped youd be able to kiss hange, and maybe mike for that matter.

they chuckled a bit, before their brown eyes looking behind you to mike's towering form. "honey, can you tell y/n its okay if they kiss me ?" they asked. mike let out a small laugh through his nose before leaning down.

"only if y/n promises to give me a kiss afterwards." he whispered. he pressed a faint kiss to your temple, and you shivered from the contact. he was warm, very warm, and even though it was such a small amount of contact it did so many things to you.

you gulped before bringing your eyes back to hange. you looked to their eyes, and then to their lips, and continued that pattern silently in hopes theyd understand. you didnt want to be teased anymore ! you wanted something to happen.

hange got the hint and smirked, before leaning in again and lightly brushing her lips against yours. theirs were soft compared to mikes chapped ones, and the kiss was so slow, so innocent, it had you leaning in for more. it was a slow, lazy kiss, a kiss to test the waters, it helped calm your nerves, but also made your nerved explode with heat.

finally the researched pulled away, and put their hands on your cheeks, squishing them to pucker your lips, before giving a kiss to your forehead, nose and lips one last time. they let go with a soft smile on their face, and a blush of their own.

you could feel mike press his body down against yours, making your knees buckle slightly. he took his right hand off your shoulder to place it on hange's cheek, thumbing over the red pigmentation. he then turned your head up and to the side, before giving you a kiss of his own. this one was a bit more dominating, hard. his chapped lips scratched against your own but you didnt mind. in a weird way it made you feel at ease, having him take control of it, the same way hange did but his was just more, needy.

he pulled back with a shaky breath and looked at you before looking at hange. "so y/n," hange began. they stood up and made their way around the table, mike pulling himself and you up straight so hange could sit on the edge, pulling you in to stand between their legs. being sandwiched in between mike and hange made you so aware of them, and even though you were very new to something like this you felt weirdly safe and secure. "mike and i genuinely care about you, and we want to be with you the way that we're with each other. would you like that ?"

honestly, how could you say no ?

thats it again im sorry the anon who requested this you did not get what you asked for 😭😭😭😭 hope u all enjoyed requests r open stay safe

[makknays]

connection: severed

a/n: totally don’t just write about my own life as an outlet this is part 1; i wrote it a while ago and i need to figure out where i want this to go...

word count: 1.7k

genre: angst??? idk??? 

Jungkook and you had crossed paths before, just over a year ago to be precise. The two of you had matched on a dating app, not looking for anything more than attention and validation from a stranger, but ended up taking a liking to each other. Everything was going smoothly for 6 months but then both of your destructive tendencies got in the way; he stopped communicating what was wrong and you acted with your emotions instead of your brain. You hurt each other and the trust you had had now disappeared. You both had decided that it was best to stop talking to each other for a while to figure out everything you wanted and needed from each other.

In Jungkook’s defence, he had told you he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with anyone. You had no idea why he did what he did though. Why he treated you like you were his entire world? He said that he still wanted to be friends, but you knew that was just him being polite. You knew your friends were right about him, but you didn’t want to believe it. He took your heart and tore it into pieces, yet his hoodie was still hanging in your closet after all this time. Every so often your mind would wander back to the time when he loved you back, even though he never said he did, it was evident in his actions that he did. He was always available when you were, always ready to buy you food or offer you clothes when you were cold. 

He could never see you in the state that you were in when you first tried to get over him; you hadn’t left your apartment weeks, barely making it to lectures and classes. Your friends had come around a few times to make sure that you were alive, but even they stopped checking up on you. You weren’t in the state that you were in because of him, no, you were that way because life had become a mess ever since you met him and everything had come crashing down. You no longer knew what to do and where you were going with life; you had lost yourself when you lost him and now you were left to find that girl again

Now here you were a year later, standing across from him at a college party. It was a Friday night, you’d had a long week and wanted to let steam off, so you agreed to join your friend at some party that was supposedly a big deal. He looked just as good as ever and you quietly took in all his features before quickly turning away when he noticed you. “Bea, he fucking saw me; I need to go somewhere else.” “Oh, c’mon ___, it’s been like a year, just talk to him. It’s not like you still have feelings for him, right?” “That’s not funny.” “He’s coming over now, go!” “Bea!” you shouted, but she had already left you to go talk to someone she’d probably hook up with later, at least someone was gonna get some.

“Hi stranger.” “Uh, hey, what’s up?” you plainly spoke, God, you wanted to get out of this conversation but no matter where you looked you couldn’t find an exit cue. “Already trying to find a way to avoid me?” he chuckled and you couldn’t help but notice the way he still looked down when he did. “No, it’s not that at all! I’m just, uh, wondering where my friends are.” “Sure, you don’t have to lie to me.” “I’m sorry,” you sighed “It’s just, I wasn’t really expecting to see you here, or anywhere really.” “How could you not when we go to the same college?” he laughed, you always loved his laugh, the sound of it could light up the whole world. “I don’t know, I guess, I just. I guess I just didn’t want to.” you shrugged, looking away from him, trying your hardest to avoid any eye contact. “Hey, how about we go outside and have a real conversation? Wouldn’t that be better?” he asked before holding his hand out for you; you stared at it and then at him, before sighing and grabbing it. You followed his lead into the garden and sat in the corner, away from all the noise.

“So…” “So…” “How have you been, ___?” “Uh, good, yeah. You?” “Good.” he nodded, looking away and realising just how awkward the two of you had become. “Remember when things were good between us?” he softly smiled. “Yeah, how could I forget? That was the healthiest thing I’ve had in a while.” “Did you date anyone after?” “No, didn’t really want to. You?” “Eh, kinda, but realised I didn’t want to either.” The two of you sat in silence for a moment afterwards, both thinking about how it all went wrong. “Do you want to try again?” he suddenly asked. “Jungkook, you know I can’t answer that.” “Sorry, it was a stupid question.” “Jungkook, that’s not what I mean. I just think we hurt each other a lot.” “No, it’s okay. I get it.” “How about, uh, you and I hang out sometime? Let’s catch up properly.” “Sure, are you free tomorrow?”

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“Hey, I hope it wasn’t too hard for you to get here; this is one of my favourite cafes ever.” you smiled when Jungkook approached you. “No, no, it was pretty easy actually. I don’t live too far from here. What’s so amazing about it?” “Let’s go in and I can show you.” Jungkook opened the door to the cafe, signalling for you to walk in before him and followed after you. “This is why.” you smiled, pointing at the display of cakes they had on show, as soon as you entered the cafe. Jungkook took a moment to take in the display and the rest of the cafe’s pink and natural aesthetic; there were plants in every corner and even a cat wandering around, asking for pets from customers. “I can see why this place would be your favourite, it feels very you.” he smiled, looking back at you. “Thank you, let’s order and find a seat.”

“So...how’s college going?” you asked as the two of you sat by the window. “You know, it’s okay. Kinda boring, kinda stressful, at least I’ve got baseball though. You?” “Oh yeah, I forgot you were on the team. Same for me though, you know, stressful.” you chuckled, awkwardly tucking a piece of your hair behind your right ear. “So…” “Yup…” “What are your plans for later?” “Oh, um, just hanging out with Bea, you remember her, right?” “Is she the one you live with that dated that really weird guy on the swim team?” “Yup, that’s her. I’m surprised you don’t remember her as the girl who split wine down your favourite shirt, you know, after we, uh, stopped talking.” “Oh yeah...no hard feelings.” he awkwardly chuckled. The two of you had grown a lot more distant than you had even realised and you were now wondering if being here was even worth it; was there even anything you could fix?

“I missed you, ____.” “Jungkook.” “No, hear me out.” you could feel yourself holding your breath, worried about the sudden confession. Who was he to miss you? Especially after what he put you through. You were over it, but you never received an apology and you were just disappointed that he ever did all the things that he did. “I blamed you for so much and I’m so sorry. I never admitted anything was my fault. I didn’t think it was, but looking back, I can see how my behaviour triggered your reactions. I’m sorry I lied to you, I know, it doesn’t take back anything I did or said, but I want to work on getting you to trust me again. You were my everything, ___. I was just as scared as you were, but I didn’t want to show you and I let us grow apart instead. I hate that I didn’t try to fight for us the way you did; I just gave up. I regret it so much, ___. I miss having you in my life. You are such a radiant light and your personality was so addictive; I couldn’t get enough and I find myself missing the girl that would cheer me on and woke me up to good morning texts and photos of her smiling before class.” “Jungkook.” “It’s a lot, I know.” 

“Jungkook. I’m gonna need some time to think about everything you said.” “That’s okay. Hopefully, not a year.” he chuckled, trying to keep things lighthearted. “I was really hurt when you didn’t fight for us. I was hurt when you gave up and allowed your feelings to disappear. I felt like I didn’t know who you were and the person I was talking to didn’t exist. You put me through a lot.” “I’m sorry, that’s all I can say. I want to show you that I’ve changed though.” “Just give me some time to figure stuff out, okay?”

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“He said what?” “Bea, chill out.” “I can’t believe him, after everything he put you through he’s basically asking to come back into your life like it didn’t happen?” “Bea has a point. ___, your heart is too big sometimes.” Daisy, the third part of your trio, stated. “Daisy, this wouldn’t even have happened if Bea protected me at the party but she left me to talk to him.” “Bea...” “I’m sorry! I thought he was just gonna ask her to fuck or something, you know, something she can defend!” “It doesn’t matter guys! What’s done is done. Now do I give him a chance? Maybe, as a friend? I don’t want to exactly date him anymore...those feelings are gone.” “Are they really?” Daisy teased, knowingly. “For the most part.” you pouted, dragging out ‘part’. “Okay, I got it! Don’t speak to him!” Bea said, she was being serious. “Bea, you know that won’t happen. Especially with how impulsive ___ is with these things.” “Ugh, you’re right. Okay, just be friendly? Tell him this is purely friendship.” “Yeah, that’s a good start...” Daisy laughed. 

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[11.11pm] you: hey, ive had a chance to think about what you said

[11.14pm] jungkook: oh? 

[11.15pm] you: i think it’s best for both of us if we’re just friends for now, but id like to rebuild that trust we had :)

[11.17pm] jungkook: well, thats better than not having you around :)

[11.19pm] you: are you gonna come to jimins party this saturday ?

[11.20pm] jungkook: would hate to miss it 

[melforbes]

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

[aloera]

The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit

the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!

prompts + answers under the cut!!

INTRODUCTION

Name: aloera

AO3 account: aloera

Fandoms you write for: bnha

How many stories have you written so far: 19

FANFICTION PROFILE

What's your favorite fandom to write for? hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D

What's your favorite character/person to write for? bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3

Fic you'd want to improve? probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo

Hardest fic you've written? between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD

Easiest fic you've written? come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it

What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written? also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction

first line of the first fic you've ever written and published. [not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me

Have you ever done a collab with another writer? yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best

Do you beta? if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao

Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges? depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!

FANFICTION PREFERENCES

Fluff or angst? definitely fluff

"OCs" or "Reader" inserts? reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently

Blurbs or drabbles? blurbs!!

One thing you love about fanfiction i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice

One thing you don't like about fanfiction most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it

What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors? IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns

voltron: hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,

and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much

these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!

What is your favorite trope? secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3

Least favorite trope? hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it

A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love? coffeeshop aus,,,, so good

Do you have a type when it comes to pairings? the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck

Favorite setting/au? hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!

Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context. “He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”

the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.

this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.

Favorite trope/genre to write? again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!

A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge? idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge

The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out

Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? shorter!! low attention span gang <3

Ideal length to read? 5-10k?

Ideal length to write? 4-8k!!

How long was the longest fic you've ever written? control fraek is around 28k i think?

Have you ever written an AU? yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)

What's your favorite AU trope? hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc

Have you ever written smut? yeah!! was. difficult tho

What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading) fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3

If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be? maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd

WRITING STYLE

How would you describe your style? i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!

Describe your style in three words romcom but fanfic

Favorite words to use when writing? the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!

Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc) dialogue tags!!!

Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them) again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched

Long sentences vs short vs a mix short <33

What colors would you use to describe your writing? hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.

What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing? think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."

What kind of metaphors do you rely on? religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!

What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time? definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't

Do you prefer to write by hand or to type? i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block

What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)? laptop!!

What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)? google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting

Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing? ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts

Do you listen to music to help you write? yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D

Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)? mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!

How long does it usually take for you to write? again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.

What's your favorite font to use when writing? times new roman my beloved

Other writing habits? sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing

CONCEPTUALIZATION

How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.) i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.

Which comes first: the pairing or the plot? with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense

Have you ever used a prompt? yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell

Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment

Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character? a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love

Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)? most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)

Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it? lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? probably krbk secret relationship lmao

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected? yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected? again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!

PROCESS

How do you come up with titles? in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like

What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers? i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up

What's your favorite emotion to write? lovelovelovelovelovelove

Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written? never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort

Do you write in order or whatever comes to you? in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget

Usual way you procrastinate while writing? ...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh

Do you outline or free write? i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later

Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)? yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D

What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want? to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.

for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!

What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now? def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!

How do you start a story? establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men

How do you end a story? either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society

How do you get out of writer's block? change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh

Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there? i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)

How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc? bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it

PROGRESS

Do you usually like what you write? yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj

Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways? nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted

Do you find yourself rereading your writing often? yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!

Can you tell us anything about your current WIP? sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)

Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP? “You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.

“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.

“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”

His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.

Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.

The last line you've written Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.

It’s not enough.

Open a wip. what’s the first line?

Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.

INSIGHT

What's your favorite thing about writing? touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy

How do you keep yourself inspired? this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!

What is your favorite thing to write? just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!

What do you think your strengths are in writing? i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj

i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!

What are things you wish you could practice more? on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue

One way you've improved your writing since you began? characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling

One aspect of writing you're still working on? writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.

A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D

A bit of writing advice you can't stand when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell

Something you wish you knew when you first started writing? ,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!

Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D

[starlightshore]

I was wondering do you have any good fanfics to recommend ive been in a fanfic mood but can't find any, most of them stopped updating :(

god i’m honestly not the best person to ask for fics or fandom content in general. i literally don’t interact with the fandom much at all, like, sometimes i’ll go into the main tag and follow someone, but even then it’s very rare for me to follow someone. i like my dashboard small so i can catch up.

also, i only really read fic now once in a blue moon for emotional catharsis. sometimes i just want to feel bad and that’s ok. this also means most fics i read were years ago and i can barely remember anything, and don’t feel safe recommending in case i forget something bad about it. also, my old bookmarks were on a different computer, rip.

so honestly, i’m terrible for recommending fics. i’m only going to recommend one that i’ve reread some-what recently and some art based content. i actually recommend other people to reblog this post with their own recommendations! i just ask that non of them misgender the kids or are gross. just, putting that as a caution, i’m not assuming anyone is going to do that.

long rec under the cut, sorry mobile users ;-;

1) feeling bonely

the only fic on this list. a human au where sans is suicidal and meets toriel online anonymously through omgle. through the power of friendship and 38 chapters, sans learns how to put in the effort in having friends and making his life better.

this fic is such a comfort to me. it’s got My Brand of sadness that i crave in fics but it’s also so funny, lighthearted, thoughtful and inspiring. i love sans’ friendship with alphys, i love sans being a total dork baby over time travel, i love papyrus learning about depression and helping sans fight it, the salads and rubber bands for coping, i just,, akfjalsjdf its my favorite fic.

its soriel but i believe sans is ace so while romance is a element, sex isn’t which i greatly appericate lmao. since the fic does go into suicide and depression, parental abuse and ableism, ect., i do recommend keeping an eye on the content warnings. it’s also a really long fic but it’s finished.

—-the rest are wips but almost all of them are still updating!

2) Unexpected Guests

Papyrus summons a full bodied gaster blaster, chaos ensues. It’s a post pacfist comic that is beautifully drawn, is light on angst and has a lot of fun character interaction.

still a wip, but has a substantial amount of reading material you can go through. the story is getting really juicy by having sans finally fess wtf is UP with him. i’m dying to know what happens next!

3) Insomnia

a literal classic that hasn’t been updated in over a year, and it’s been that long since i read it but it’s a fandom classic! the art and it’s vibrant colors still stick to me even now. the story fits lore and real science together, it so detailed and beautiful.

i can’t recall if the author said this will be continued someday or not, i don’t want to spark rumors esp with my shoddy memory so idk! it’s such a fandom classic though, it’s defs worth reading!

4) We’re not in kansas anymore.png

ok i don’t THINK thats the title and i could just be oblivious and be misunderstanding here lmao. kan makes really, really good undertale content in general, like, their art is my favorite anything ever. kan covers heavy topics but does so with genuine care and thought. i luv their poncho and chara stuff. i could gush forever.

this comic in particular just started but it is ongoing! they also write fics!

5) EVERYTHING BY MEL

mel has a few askblogs, all of which are fantastic! i haven’t gotten the time to read all of their blogs but like, mel’s characterizations are so good and complex. mel handles the topic of trauma with nuance and it’s all vry good.

everything is on hiatus rn but there’s a big backlog.

6) Askgasterfamily (ok this is me outright cheating here. it’s my askblog)

i have a 4 year old askblog and while i have a lot feelings about it and its not aged the super best in my eyes cause a good chunk of it was written when my mental health utter crap. these last few years have been hard as hell on me and i will not go into why rn cause.. obviously its personal and this ain’t a vent post lmao. i used agf to cope a lot with the shit i was going through, so a lot of is messy.

anyway, summary: the aster family runs a vlog, where people ask them questions about their private life. starts off as a fun slice of life comedy but descends into a sci-fi horror story about depression, morality, and family abuse.

i honestly would recommend just waiting for me to make the animatic film. it’s going to be the definitive version where the story is streamlined and more coherent. i storyboared over a hour of footage but it’s currently undergoing major rewrites as i was unhappy with it, so it’s still going to be a while for it to come out.

aaaaand that’s it for now! that’s all my recs that i can think of. i know the second i post this i’ll think up like, 5 things i could recommend but i’m just gonna leave it as is for now. pls don’t take it personal if i forgot or didn’t put ur fanwork on here.

[coup-de-maine]

I saw your post regarding getting into RPCs and appreciated a lot of what you said. I wanted to ask if you had any more advise on things like sending in prompts to people. I want to interact with others but I know that having to come up with a reply to something so open and sometimes vague can be really hard, especially if you don't know the prompter very well, and I don't like putting that pressure on people all because I want to interact... Anyway thank you and have a good day. :)

Oh my goodness! Thank you, I dont know when you sent this in but I do hope the answer finds you (I wish askers of anonymous asks would get notified that its been answered but ah well...)

[[MORE]]

Writing prompts and starters that are open and vague about the other character can be tricky, its a bit of an art form you have to work at. But vague doesnt have to mean boring and thats important to remember.

Make up for what cant be said with an interesting hook. Focus on your character and their wants/needs and make them require another human being (or not) to acquire them.

I find it easiest to do something lighthearted and fun. Its hard to predict how a muse might react to a tragic or violent situation, but a lot of good relationships can be formed out of intense emotional situations.

For a first time interacting though a little slice of life can help build a repertoire with someone, help you get to know their character and create something more specific next time.

When I write something I try to check it over and ask myself a few questions: is this engaging? Is it open ended- (can it be replied to easily or does it seem closed off)? Is it too specific?

If you require the person to respond back positively (like with happy or excited emotions) or negatively, it might be too specific.

"Well you look happy."

Vs

"Are you happy to see me?"

Gives the responder the freedom to chose how their character actually is in the situation vs you telling them. Its technically god modding but people will mind less if you have a repertoire with them and can accurately gauge they would be happy in the situation.

The first thing I do when writing an open ended prompt for a first time interaction is get as much information about the character as I can, and then come up with scenarios.

Where they could meet, what kind of relationship do they have already? (Maybe one is the others superior, classmates, hero/civilian, ect) and try to build off that. What are some interesting ways for people to meet?

Try not to keep it flat and ordinary, this is the engaging part. Catch their attention, make them want to meet you. If your muse is the boring or non-social type FORCE them to share a space with someone. Lock them in an elevator, put them in a position where they must ask for help or even having them just stare at the other person until they're unsettled is effective.

Be as zanny and cooky as you like, first impressions are important.

And when worst comes to worst: open communication.

I can not stress this enough, its so important and REWARDING when you open up that line to other people. It makes your relationship better and your interactions better.

Ive followed people I had an IMPOSSIBLE tome interacting with, until I got to know them and found out their muse secretly enjoys such and such. Bam. Instant blackmail. Now I can force them to hang out with me cause turns out my character just so happens to know this or stumbles upon it by accident WHO KNOWS.

Talk to them about possible scenarios, ask for feedback on ideas, or just shoot the shit together. Musing back and forth can bring out wonderful ideas. "Hey what if: this?" "Omg well [muse] would totally flip out I cant believe you would DO THAT" "🙄🙄🙄 orly" wow already best friends.

Okay its not always that smooth, but engaging the actual mun can help a lot. They can provide input for what does and doesnt work to hook their character and that can help you figure out he best way to approach them!

I hope this helps, you've been a delight, gold star pupil. Please feel free to come back with questions any time 💛 (or hmu in the DMs). Thank you, my day is very good, you have one too okay?

[the-kipsabian]

Also sparkleharper and/or spaceharper

sparkleharper ~

Who offers their jacket when the other is cold?jared. this smol thing on his side cant be cold, nope he wont allow. his sparkles will keep him warm lol

Who giggles uncontrollably when the other playfully picks them up?idk how many times i can repeat myself, but mads will just. yell. and she cant pick up jared so yep

Who compliments the other in front of everyone?jareddddd. mostly cause thats just what he does tbh. and mads doesnt need to say anything to compliment him in front of everybody tbh, everyone already knows how fantastic the school senpai is lol

Who is more likely to tell the other a pun and what is the other’s reaction to the pun?i think in this case the puns fall on mads to deliver? being the courteous gentleman that he is, jared laughs. pretty much every time, not even depending whether he gets it or not tbh

When one of them has a bad day, what does the other do to help cheer them up?jared puts up a “fashion show” for mads, completed with a photoshoot session of goofy outfits and expressions and googly eyes. when jared needs to distress, mads sits him down, asks him to ramble to her about any recent d&d games and help him plot some really stupid and lighthearted side quests while having a relaxing cup of tea and some kit made cookies

If they got to pick what one another wears for a day, what would one another wear?blue. lots of blue. mads wants jared to wear his blue shirt (”its pretty and its soft and you look so nice in it”) and jared insist she wears one of his shirts (”cause its adorable, they are so big on you”) and her favorite pair of blue jeans. i dont think i need to say why anymore at this point lol

Who introduces their partner to their family first? How does it go?for this, i wanna say mads? jared obviously isnt too keen on introducing anyone to his family, and while mads is very hesitant about this, especially since this is a super well-behaved boy its. gonna get very awkward considering what kind of a bunch of normies my family is mmmm. but jared is a good boio underneath all that rich senpai stuff, so it would probably go very well in the end, actually

In a coffee shop AU, who would be the coffee shop employee and who would be the customer?jared is too pretty to work as a coffee shop employee sssooo hes the customer, and mads is the daydreaming waitress woo

When they sit side by side, do they touch one another? For example, does one person has their arm around the other, do they sit holding hands, or linked arms, ECT.jared definitely. has at least one arm flung around her at like all times. if he needs to be more discreet in like a more public place or whatnot, he holds her hand under the table

What is a small thing that one another does to make their partner happy?jared definitely tries to befriend the stray cats tbh. mads takes his encouragement about herself to heart and whenever jared is feeling down or just generally missing her, she send him little video messages to cheer him on and selfies she wouldnt sent to anyone else cause jared keeps saying he loves seeing her and that makes him happy so dang it shes gonna push past her comfort zone to be more comfortable with herself and make him happy

What would they do to celebrate their one year anniversary?jared would arrange something very elaborate tbh. take her to dinner, possibly see a movie, go to the arcade, win her everything she wants, walks in the moonlight.. literally anything that he can think of, and he would fit it into either one day or over the weekend, if mads seems like shes gonna get exhausted by it

When did they know that loved each other, and when did they first tell each other that they loved one another?i feel like they both had like. hard time actually recognizing when it was love tbh? like yeah mads first falls for him cause of aesthetic reasons, and jared is playing the senpai card of loving every girl, so you cant really tell on the outside when its actually love or when either of them develop like real feelings, but at some point it just. kinda becomes obvious that oh shit i. love this person?? and yeah its jared who definitely says it first tho. its like an offhand remark at first and mads is like ‘what did you say’ and jared repeats it and realizes that oh heck i. actually do mean this??

Who likes to give the other hugs from behind followed by a kiss?jared does this as a combo, mads sneaks in little kisses when hes piggybacking her around tbh

Who would make a playlist for the other person? What would be featured on the playlist?i feel like mads would do that? jared is more about more expensive presents, while mads cant really afford that so she has to pull something selfmade together and yeah, that happens. its mostly like ambient sounds and background music tbh, stuff she thinks will inspire him and what he could use for d&d games and maybe some more upbeat stuff for the fashion shows and for better days

Who would bring their partner on a romantic date under the stars?they could both do this tbh? mads wants to surprise him so she arranges a little cuddling under a blanket while stargazing moment, and jared just does this a lot in general

~~~~~~~~

spaceharper ~

Who offers their jacket when the other is cold?jeff. mom friend habits kick in and they kick in hard. this has also probably been established somewhere in the canon of this route anyways lol

Who giggles uncontrollably when the other playfully picks them up?im gonna keep repeating myself but mads. except that she yells. put her down yall pls

Who compliments the other in front of everyone?mmm i wanna say jeff? but its like. really soft things and its done in almost unnoticeable fashion, like its just really offhand comments like “oh shes so sweet” etc. unless its something that she has given him a permission to share about her writing. then jeff will lose his freaking mind cause eveRYONE NEEDS TO SEE THIS THING MY GF DID OMG

Who is more likely to tell the other a pun and what is the other’s reaction to the pun?i’d imagine jeff is more of a pun man out of these two. he does it very casually tho, like most of the time its not on purpose or he doesnt put much emphasis on it, so most of the time mads just misses it. if she gets it tho, she will most likely laugh

When one of them has a bad day, what does the other do to help cheer them up?jeff arranges some cuddle time, with the help of kit builds a blanket fort, gets some scented candles, and they just cuddle up with some strays and play animal intersection. if its jeff that needs destressing, mads will literally cling onto him until he sits down and just takes it easy - which is her cue to throw a blanket on him, get jeff a cup of tea and just sit down and talk about random nonsense with him to make sure he takes a break from everything

If they got to pick what one another wears for a day, what would one another wear?onesies all day every day. jeff in a hamster onesie, and mads in a fox one

Who introduces their partner to their family first? How does it go?jefffffff. i think ive crossed this topic enough times by now tbh lol

In a coffee shop AU, who would be the coffee shop employee and who would be the customer?mmmm i’d say jeff is the customer? i could see him working in a coffee shop tho, but this pair feels better to me with mads behind the counter tho

When they sit side by side, do they touch one another? For example, does one person has their arm around the other, do they sit holding hands, or linked arms, ECT.jeff does what mads feels comfortable at the moment. usually its just limited to hand holding, tho if they are in relax mode, like playing games and mads doesnt wanna be too cuddled up but still wants to be close enough to jeff, there will at least be her legs in his lap

What is a small thing that one another does to make their partner happy?jeff brings sweets and stray cats. hes also always available for cuddles and advice when needed. mads sends him stupid pictures of her with googly eyes and gets him hamster related gifts cause they made her think of him

What would they do to celebrate their one year anniversary?STARGAZING WITH CANDLE LIGHT PICNIC NEXT QUESTION

When did they know that loved each other, and when did they first tell each other that they loved one another?jeff helps her through some rough times and shes like. oh heck i like this boi like. LIKE him. oh dear goodness me what do. jeff comes somewhere afterwards as they spend more time together and thats where the whole ‘you wanna join hidden club’ thing comes along and only after that jeff has it in him to actually tell her how she feels mmmmalso it would. probably actually be mads who tells him first? jeff has hard time opening up about his feelings even if they are there, so it falls on her to confess about it first yay

Who likes to give the other hugs from behind followed by a kiss?both honestly? tho jeff needs to be sitting down for this lol, but yeah they both do it. its just a cute little way to show the other that hey im glad youre here

Who would make a playlist for the other person? What would be featured on the playlist?probably both? with both asking help from luke cause oh my god wHAT DO

Who would bring their partner on a romantic date under the stars?mads? its one of those nights when jeff really needs to destress and she knows how much he likes space and stars and stuff so she basically drags him out to just lay on the grass and stare up at the sky like yes pls jeff tell me about your plan to shoot hamsters into space again tho i mean when you put it like that its not like. super romantic pfff but you know it doesnt need to be romantic as long as it makes him happy

[unproduciblesmackdown]

on FUCKING kissing. and other shit

i’m still just. as bowled over as i knew i’d be about getting to have the triumphant nice gay kiss of resolution. like, i dont think i’ve seen that in any movies ive watched. not that many of them like, have a gay mc in the first place. usually you maybe have a couple peripheral side cast gays w a lil subplot and they get to say “i love you” or something. idk. or for some reason whats up with dramas where like, the initial Gay Encounter w kissing is often also a sexual encounter which is fine but the point is its like “oh, wow drama” right. and then the bit where they maybe manage to actually come together is like, too solemn for kissing? its also fine to have other moments of physical intimacy besides kissing, thats fantastic tbh. and i can’t say “wow what a trend in Major Releases W Gay Love Stories At The Core” because there’s not enough fuckin data for any real trends. but anyways maybe the ol Finally They Kiss thing is more seen as a like, ~romance genre~ thing rather than serious movies. idk. anyways getting sidetracked

my point is i think thats the first movie Gay Kiss Of Resolution that i can remember seeing. and it gets me, man. it hits me hard. i’m like. electric. not just because its like “wow this is a new one for me” obvs but because i’m gay and i like things that are very gay and very sweet and cute and that was all of that. so much in that film was ferociously endearing. like, thank god for gay love getting to be charming and nice and lighthearted and even exuberant. yeah babye

and for the past couple months ive been thinking on twitter threads about ppl who were Gay Teens Coming Out years and years ago who went to see the film w a parent or other sort of relation and it prompted a discussion where the parent is like. when you came out, was it bad? was i very bad about it? and they said how the answer was well, kinda, yeah. and getting to have this whole talk about a decade or so after the fact, because the movie shows such earnest support, and the recognition of the failing of anything less than the fullest kind of support.

like honestly i liked a lot that like, the issue wasn’t that simon was particularly worried about rejection, or some terrible kind of abuse or violence like gay kids who had to keep it a secret because their parents might even have pulled shit like kicking out a gay kid, like implying they’d even kill them if they’re gay. and he wasn’t exactly worried about like, hate crimes or anything either. because its not like the Awful kind of homophobic reaction isnt a concern anymore, but it isnt to everyone, and it wasnt always to everyone. its not even accurate to say that noncishet people prior to like the late 20th century always were rejected, always were closeted, always were miserable. there’s all kinds of stories and it’s nice to hear all kinds of them. like, the Gay Tragedy was as we know the only way to get a gay story of any kind past the rigid catholic moral guide for Film back in the day, and not so shocking that thats the kind of gay story that tends to be most palatable to the heterosexuals. and they have, what, like atonement and shit or something? and yet also i’m not saying that tragic gay stories should be off limits, or dramas, or anything. just that of course movies are limited to Bury Your Gays, Kill The Trans Kid, Show The Tragedy Of Not Being Cishet Coz That’s What’s Gritty And Real And I’m Okay With Them If They Die. we deserve every genre and plot structure. it would improve all of them.

anyhow like i was sort of getting to. i really appreciate how simon like, isn’t ashamed of being gay, isn’t in denial about it, isn’t afraid of his parents or friends or community finding out, doesnt feel particularly endangered re the idea, but still feels like he can’t. i really liked the bit where he upsets his sister cuz he’s so fuckin stressed about having just been outed and his privacy invaded in front of his whole damn school but he’s like super conflicted about like, why would i be upset at being out, why would i be ashamed just because i didnt come out before, etc etc. and i liked that he felt his coming out to his parents went badly just b/c it was a bit awkward. because the small issues are just as big a deal, people wanna act like the defining part of being gay is a certain level of agony. and so you get ppl questioning if love, simon is “necessary,” like a gay protag has to be justified for the technical benefits it might afford, like if its not about suicide or self loathing or ostracization or violence or being disowned or etc etc, its not REALLY about being gay, and it can’t possibly help gay kids because its just unrealistic. because even if you have worse problems, seeing an overall happy gay love story where he gets the guy and has all the support of family and friends and community put out there will just be meaningless to you. and obviously its just as pointless to argue that this is the be all and end all of gay films, like we only needing ONE gay romcomdrom type film, we only need ONE gay y.a. movie, this is THE gay film for those categories now people, it’s over. like jesus we’re owed so many. give us the nondystopian y.a. movies back, and make em gay!!! GAY

anyways what is the point? i like that it was shown its difficult to come out even if you only expect “small” bad issues, because even having to have the smallest fear that the people in your life will think less of you, or love you less, or see you as any bit of a disappointment or flawed, is really fucked up and difficult. like i said, it was way too real when simon was just a bit uncomfortable when his dad made just a bit uncomfortable gay jokes. i like that he felt fucked up over being outed even though he wasn’t necessarily ashamed of being gay. and i mean i know part of it was that he was afraid that the other guy was gonna get scared off since that was being exposed too, but i liked that element also, because of the tension between the joy of getting to like...Be Gay with a guy you like and enjoy it, but also know that the whole thing is tenuous and uncertain and you’re both a bit afraid and the whole thing might crumble at any moment because it’s not easy to take “privately being gay” into it being everyones business and public knowledge. because even the little shit you have to deal with is a concern, and even in the most “it’s probably totally okay” situations, you don’t KNOW that its okay, because homophobia is still the default even amongst like. the libs who think they’re totally not homophobic.

and plus yknow the whole thinking you’ll be treated different thing. like coming out is going to HAVE to be some Big Deal and you’ll have to be imposing something on everyone who knows you when really you’re just being the fuck yourself. and the idea that suddenly everyone’s gonna be uncomfortable with you or think you’re someone else or just look at you different because they were cool with you when they thought you were straight. and anyways

also i seriously forget the dude’s real name but i love that it was the first guy simon thought might be blue. damn i know they said it like fifty times in that one scene lol...but anyways yknow i’m like “hmm walking in on him maybe messing around with a girl could just be Gay Crisis shit yknow” and it was and thats kinda fun lol. like, i’ve read some fics in my day!! that is not a nail in the coffin!!

anyways what i want to say is getting a sweet triumphant gay kiss scene is just. so fucking beautiful for the soul. i’m fuckin reveling in it. now that ive been writing about it for half an hour i should go ahead and try to get my rewatch in, right. yeah

[fishstick-diary]

「私の夢は嘘だ」かな。

they say most dreams have no meaning. most dreams are a reanimation of unused thoughts that were never relevant to bring to the conscious mind.

some dreams are an intimate processing and storing of memories.

every once in a while, dreams expose the desires of reality. every once in a while, my dreams really are too good to be true.

i woke up quite literally only 10 minutes ago, but my dream is so compelling that it drove me to write.

the first dream i had, i was with my girlfriend in my kitchen. an exact replica of my kitchen, which is reasonable considering how often im there. she was cooking something. i believe it had legumes in it.

“i like legumes in some instances but it isnt my favorite”

i said. i dont believe there was anything in between, but time skipped forward and suddenly the air turned very dark and aggressive. my girlfriend stormed out of the kitchen and came back in, saying

“im finally going to tell it to your face.”

before she said the words, i knew what she was talking about and stayed quiet.

“every single day! 'why do you clean? why are you messy? why did you wake up late? why did you wake up early? why do you eat away from your family?' why why why?”

“we have different values, and thats fine! why are you always questioning me?”

she was enraged and her face was red. before i could respond, i woke up by accident. i couldnt finish it.

but in an effort to finish that dream, i fell back asleep and began a new dream. the content was relative because i was trying to dream a similar dream.

i was with my girlfriend and my family at an amusement park. the beginning was fuzzy, but i believe there were scheduling conflicts and we were late to several events because it was raining and each of us kept having to go back and purchase raingear.

we go to a restaurant and give up on the amusement park. im very despondant and i dont recall ever talking to anyone.

my girlfriend notices, and excuses us so that we can both go outside. she takes my hand and guides me out.

outside, we walk for a few minutes. she says

“we dont have to go back to the park. they told us we're staying here and then going home.”

“are you ok?”

i look at her and smile small. my girlfriend then hugs both arms around me and i do the same while we walk. its quiet, but the embrace means so much to me.

she then disappears into a small shop and buys a bag of chocolate pretzels with oreo bits mixed in with regular pretzles (if only those were real, it sounds good). we share the bag and she gets me to smile more, wrapping an arm back around me.

the dream ended with me talking about how i used to love taking giant pretzels and dipping them in cheese and mustard.

so, what do these two dreams mean to me?

dream #1 i believe is a recollection of feelings and conversations ive been having for the past few days. they havent been lighthearted by any means.

perhaps the most outstanding thing to point out is that my girlfriend would never react that way, at least i dont believe so. she hates criticism towards herself and anyone. i, however, value it in small doses as it keeps me in check. im not perfect. i need to fix things. sometimes, criticism is constructive and helps me rethink and solve. my girlfriend isnt that type of person and will never be giving me any sort of criticism. the very fact that my girlfriend in this dream became enraged and attacked me is a very extreme version of my mind reciprocating for what i want so badly.

i break myself enough. sometimes it provides relief for another person to break me instead.

but my girlfriend isnt that kind of person. i think its for the best that she isnt.

dream #2 is similar motive if i point out to myself that unfortunately, i dont think my girlfriend would react in the exact fashion she did if it would actually happen.

ive revealed to her that i wasnt feeling well in person before, and an embrace almost never follows if i dont prompt it. i know she cares a lot about me, but her first reaction is never physical. she isnt a physical person, while i am. she also will almost never ask if im 'ok', which is way more confrontational than 'how are you?'. she isnt a confrontational person, which is fine also. im aware of it.

i suppose what im understanding from both dreams is that they are an attempt to fulfill my wants and needs that sometimes are neglected in real life. it is my job to prompt and ask for things, so it is also my fault that my needs are unmet because i never ask properly. we are different people, and i need to be compromising by prompting directly. im such a fool. i never remember this until its too late.

[zonerz]

All of the questions for the shipping thing 😈

AAAAAAAAA Im gonna d i e I hope ur happy abt this long post u dork

Talk about the first ship you ever had.Dang dude,,,,,,, makin me think,,,,,, I suppose it was Jay and Nya from Ninjago?? I thought they were cute but wasnt like SUPER into it, the other one that I was into was me shipping an “OC” with Lloyd L m a oTalk about three of the most important ships throughout your life.Three most important? Uhhhh idk abt important exactly, like idk what the whole requirements for one being more important than another would be. Though, the main one that always makes me happy, no matter the circumstance, is McHanzo. Idk what it is about it but it always makes me smile and helped cheer me up plenty of times throughout the year hahaWhat’s your current OTP?McHanzo or Sonadow tbhWhat’s your current NOTP?shi//ma//da//cestDo you have any poly ships?Yes with some of my OCs!!How do you feel about love triangles?They CAN be done right but most of the time im just over here like, ‘UGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH No one c a r e s’How do you feel about RPF?Idk what that stands for 3Have you ever shipped yourself with a character?Not myself, but my OCs. Tho I suppose my first ever OC was very similar in looks so I suppose partiallyDo you have many ships that never got together at all?Lmao yeah man, most people seem to forget that McHanzo started out as a crack ship hahaDo you ship any characters that have never met?See the previous statementTalk about your favorite first kiss.Wonderbat in the Starcrossed episode. It was gr8 man. Kissing to blend in with the crowd.Have you ever been disappointed when your ship finally got together?The Nya-Jay-Cole love triangle was forced and stupid. LETTHEMBEHAPPY–Has a ship ever broken your heart?HAVE YOU EVER READ UNDER THE WISTERIA TREE? IVE NEVER BEEN SO EMOTIONAL OVER A FIC. I SOBBED FOR A GOOD HOUR AFTERWARDS MANHow do you feel about will they/won’t they?I think it depends on the material, like Wonderbat in JL was a good one cause we still got content for it here and there but it was never ‘official’ but it wasnt relentlessly teased at teither, it wasnt a main focus nor dragged down the show. It was acceptable cuz they were also, yknow superheroes and Bruce isnt the type of character to just suddenly settle down

But otherwise I think it can get really annoying and unnecessary if done wrongHave you ever “shipped at first sight”?Yeah lolTalk about a ship you initially disliked.Im p sure I used to be p decently opposed to Sonadow at first, because at the time I was super into Sonamy (which I’ll talk abt laterrr) though I learned more of the reasoning behind it and was like ‘oh! This is p decent’ and since Ive re-entered the Snoc fandom, Ive sorta reanalyzed my ships and looked into what real chemistry co9uld be there and frankly I just think that Sonadow has a lot of working potential, it reminds me of how I felt about McHanzo at first; They have a lot of working potential and thats what I love building off of. They have the potential to work really well together because the balance each other’s personalities and senses out (Shads bringing a sense of realism and Sonic bringing a lightheartedness) and neither has to worry about the other getting into trouble/hurt/being used against them because they’re both extremely capable of handling themselves. The difference between them and a ship like Mchanzo though is that they’ve already previously worked together and interacted on multiple occasions.

Im sorry I just have a LOT to say abt the ships I love ha h a–Also Ive noticed I have a tendacy to like ships where the partners balance each other?? God im predictableTalk about a pairing you’ve stopped shipping romantically.Sonamy has sort’ve dropped off the radar for me (except in Boom and maybe in X) at least in a more serious regard. Idk how to quite get how I feel into words r i pTalk about a moment which made you question an entire ship.I was actually watching a DHT (I think thats his name idk im tired lol) Top ten abt his personal opinions on ships? Cuz I like hearing other people’s opinions and point of views!! And I mean idk his points with Sonamy were really true and while I still think Sonamy is really cute and has gotten a bit less violent in recent years, the negatives at this point are sortve outweighing the positives atm imo? So it was just kinda like ‘huh. Thats tru’Have you ever shipped something despite yourself?No..? Idk if Im exactly understanding the question but if its asking if I still shipped smth even if it was against my morals? Then a definite no, if its nasty, its nasty imoTalk about a ship you feel alone in shipping.Wonderbat fandom where r u??Is there a ship you just don’t get, but have nothing against?The only ones I can really think of are Shadilver and Sonouge?? :00 Im just curious as to like the origin or reasoning behind the ships! I love hearing people’s reasons beyond “They look nice together” yknow? HahaWhich of your ships have the best chemistry?WONDERBATWONDERBATWONDERBATWONDERBAT–Which of your ships deserve better writing?Sonamy,,,, Jaya,,, //criesDo you mostly ship canon pairings?It depends! But a lot of times I end up soHave you ever shipped a pairing before you even started watching the show/movie simply because of gifs and graphics or similar?I probably have LMAOHave you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic you’re more drawn to?yEAHI like the dark broody one and the lighthearted cheery one where theyre opposite but not so much that they never get along. I like ones where its like sun and moon, where they balance each other out and both bring something to the table. Where its mutual.Is there a ship you’ve shipped for most of your life?Idk man, I didnt really have ships before I was 10 so like–Does shipping come easily to you?Somewhat, I need some good and moral reasons to ship two ppl before I turn into shipping puddy–Do you need to ship something to really enjoy a movie/book/tv show/comic?No, but if there’s a rlly good ship that I enjoy in the content then it definitely boosts how much enjoyment I get out of it hahaName a couple of fandoms in which you have no ships.I can only rlly say that for rlly obscure fandoms, like Ranger’s Apprentice. There’s also the FNAF book-verseTalk about one of your favorite headcanons for a ship you love.For Sonic and Shads I read this one thing ages ago abt Sonic teaching Shadow all the meanings each flower type and color portrays so them giving each other meaningful bouquets n shit is RLLY CUTE AND I LOVE THAT KIND OF STUFF OKAY,,,,,,Share five must-read fics.UNDER THE WISTERIA TREE IS EQUAL TO FIVE MUST READS! gO READ IT! (BUT BE PREPARED FOR TEARS AND LOTS OF THEM)Name your favorite fanartist(s).uHHHH @ludwigplayingthetrombone (Their expression are so soft,,,, n sweet,,, its so fluffy n good,,,) Share your favorite fanmix for your OTP.I dont have a favorite so just go look up some Everytime we touch PMVRecommend 1-5 shipper blogs.¯\_(ツ)_/¯Do you create fanmixes/gif sets/fanart/fic/fanvids and so on for you ships?I draw,,,, every once in a blue moon,,,,Do you have a favorite trope and/or AU for your OTP?Mutual pining and dorky fluffDo you like and use ship names?Yes!!!Is there a fictional relationship you’d really want for yourself?Nah boi Im ace lolIf you could change one thing about your OTP, what would that be?More interactions,,,, pl z ,,,,(diduknow that the “Pretty handy with that bow!” vl came out on my birthday last year?? Best gift man, thanks Blizzard, love ya)

[mewts-guide]

Insight: Mewt Keys- Happiness EP.01

Well, shit… I just want to talk, so I’m just going to talk.

I don’t have anyone at the moment to talk to, so i’ll just type it out and post it and see what happens from there.

I don’t remember the exact day or time or what, all the important things are missing from my memory.  Sorry.

Ive been working on a string of songs lately and this has got me thinking about what I actually want to convey with this pseudo album. I say pseudo album because I’m starting to think that working on albums right now, in my current condition and un popularity in the music scene, would not benefit me. I say this because it doesn’t do me any good to put all this work into albums when no one is listening to it. Doesn’t mean no one is ever going to listen to it, eventually (I hope) people will come around, but at this moment I need to focus on getting the people here.

So i’ll have this little piece of literature or whatever this is, to fill in the gaps where you can look into it and put two and two together pertaining to my music.

Let’s Talk about the first four songs ill be releasing ( have released??)

Most of these will be connected and have a story behind them and what that story really is.

Wrinkle In Time:

So, I started writing this song back in August 2019. I had just started getting into the synth wave thing and I’d say that I was fairly good at it but I wasn’t hitting it the way I was hitting house music. Theres another song that I started at this time and that song is “You” thats actually dubbed, “The Next Com Truise” because at the time that’s what I was shooting for and I never really listened to synth wave really aside from Com. So Com is the only artist I know that makes this kind of music. I know, I know… there’s tons of great synth wave artist. What I’m saying is, I only know Com Truise.

The only thing that stayed the same in Wrinkle is the beating pad that plays from start to finish of the track. Sounds almost like an oceans waves rushing up to shore and i like to think that the ocean is full of mysteries. 

The name came from Madeleine L’engles novel, “Wrinkle in Time.”

(Duhhh…)

But the reason why I chose this name is because of the actual story itself, not so much the story of the book but what it actually gets at. The ability to traverse time and space. There are a handful of books and movies i’d say that influence me to this degree and thats Interstellar (movie), Dark Matter by Blake Crouch and Wrinkle In Time, Timecop and this other movie where he kills people that were sent back in time from the future.( I honestly don’t remember the name of the movie.) The power to traverse space and time. The power that that gives you is insane when you really begin to think about it.

I often think about what i’d do if I could go back in time or travel to an alternate universe. Would you do things differently? I mean if you went back in time, we often don’t think that we could possibly relive our teens when we’re in our late 40’s. Let’s just say that if I traveled back to when I was fifteen, would I also be fifteen? This idea was planted in me after reading Dark Matter.

This is about going back in time to that day.

This is about going to a different dimension.

This is about the alternate universe.

This is about you.

The short vocal chops that drone on throughout the song constantly chant, “Not out there. Anywhere,” and, “She’s not out there. She’s not anywhere.”

The choice in these words was influenced by Blake Crouch’s Dark Matter being in that the main characters sets out to find his wife and son in an endless sea of universes, often times running into versions of his wife that never existed, never was and never will be. We see the character break and crumble after constant failure. I think this is what stuck out to me the most of this novel.

In L’Engle’s Wrinkle novel, this feeling was reinforced due to its similarities, but somewhat more fantasy based world had more of a lighthearted touch.

Im not sure but I think the book was for kids or young adults (I’m guessing that means Teens), so it doesn’t hit as hard as maybe it would possibly hit a kid. Also I’ve heard the movie sucked ass so I won’t be watching it at all.

The arppegiator that plays on the drop I built on serum and its called tesseract. Though you won’t know that unless you’re reading this. It’s you being taken to another time. it’s what traveling time might sound like.

The next songs are all that you might experience in your journeys.

You:

As mentioned above, You, is my introduction into the genre but I think is one of my more solid arranged tracks so far. I really didn’t have direction when I was working on these songs, I just want to make something a bit more playful and colorful than I had been doing with my House shit. The dubbed name of, “The Next Com Truise” came about because I actually thought this was going to make me stick out more in the music scene and somehow I’d be just a great or even better than Com Truise, which I think about now and have to disagree. Im even worried in the sense that people may think I’m just a rip off or copy cat version of him and his music, which scares me a bit because I do love his music but I don’t want to be considered a replica of something that is already great therefore would make me average or mediocre at best.

I want you to listen to my music and think, “This sounds familiar.” But stay because I’ve brought something to the table thats differed from other artist’s in the genre. If I have brought something different. I can’t be the judge of that.

I would consider this song to be sad but I’ve heard a lot of people just mention that the whole of these songs is just super chill and nothing too sad. I think at times, for the most part, people need to hear it through lyrics for sadness to translate well with the listener… Or maybe I just suck ass at translating that emotion through synths… I could be at blame here.

I wrote it to be a sad song.

I would say I’m generally a sad person. I don’t think it’s one of those things people do to be trendy or to have an excuse at being lazy or whatever the reasons are. I think I’m just a sad person. So when the name of the song is called, “You” I really mean me. I noticed I did this a lot throughout these group of songs, where I say you but I’m really talking about myself. I mean it in a way as in you as in me not you as in you, if that makes any sense. I hope I described that well enough for you to understand what I mean. I’m referring to the self.

There aren’t any lyrics to this song but I definitely play around with the idea. I wouldn’t mind adding some phrases or words into it, but I can never really catch on to anything. A part of me thinks maybe it’s because the song is done the way it is and it’s always been finished.

I guess…

Selver:

Im not going to spoil the whole story behind this one, so if you want to know, I suggest you go and read Ursula K. Le Guin’s novel, The Word For World Is Forest.

I had originally dubbed this track Outside, because the name fit but as I continued to write and work the track out, I was reminded of a forest and that forest was that of Selver’s home and planet. The version that was released, is different from what I had initially planned. Though I cant say which one I enjoyed more. If you do know of this novel or do read into it, let me know what you think. I’m always up for talking shop.

Maria:

This one I had named from the start and knew what I wanted to do with it from the beginning.

I wanted to talk about something that had been bothering me for a long time, but to be fair, I had also been asking for this to happen for a long time.

So i’ll get down to the core of the song instead of talking about exactly where this song came from instead.

I’ve often held on to the memory of less important things than those of importance, which is strange because you’d think a person would retain memories that made them happy rather than sad. I’m going on a whim here, I’m not sure if this is true, but at least in me I find that I hold on to memories that I find nostalgic, wether those be sad or happy and I’m not sure where this one sits, maybe somewhere in the middle. Importance usually has no play in if i remember or not.

Im trying to be honest with you guys, without exposing my true self to anyone who stops by and read this, whatever this is.

Im trying really hard to say goodbye to these memories and I think when I make songs like this I make it harder for myself to let go which drives me insane because I would love to just pour my heart and soul into this type of work, dust my hands off and move on to the next thing. But things don’t work that way with me.

With its chords and weird sounds constantly floating in and out, I tried to covey some sort of haze, like a dream. What inspired me to do this was a scene from Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, where Snake is inside the A.I. pod pulling memory board from the unit and with each pulled board, the voice of The Boss is rambling on and on about lazy foxes and Japanese train stations. Where this gets me more is towards the end where she begins to call to Snake as, “John”.

Her voice slowly deteriorating.

This leads me to where I am now.

I had a friend like that, at least I would like to think so.

The first words I added were, “Are you feeling down? Take a potion or two. You’ve been lost for a few.”

I added this because this friend to me was a helpful and in a way an oasis of peace with often words of advice and comfort.

I don’t think at any point of our friendship she took a selfish stance towards me for her own personal gain.

I thank you for that.

“On my way. . . Not today.”

A slow curve. This was caused by me.

There were plenty of times where I had failed to commit to my promises.

“It’s been a while. Hey, it’s been a while. The last time you were off to bed, I got lost on my way but now I’ve been found.”

It really has been a while. I think this song is important for two reasons, it’s been a long time and it’s time to say goodbye. I think, at some point people need to let go and move on. After a while, I think this type of mentality is unhealthy and somewhat creepy. Im not say this person and I were romantically interested in each other but I don’t think it makes a difference at this point. The way I see this, or the way I would like to think I wrote this is that I let this person down.

Me going, “off to bed,” symbolized me being unaware. Falling asleep. My way of dealing with problems in real life is often sleeping, and we all know that that doesn’t absolutely nothing to change our situation. It only postpones it.

“I got lost on my way but now I’ve been found.”

Though she never let me lose sight, I failed to help. Someone else helped her and it wasn’t me.

“Are you feeling down? Feet off the ground? Take a potion of two, you’ve been lost for a few.”

Of course this a personal attack on myself. When feeling down, I often lose myself in fantasy. In a make believe world. Im floating around on auto-pilot and i’m not really there at all.

Often fantasizing about things that make no sense or things that aren’t, I’m not saying I sit around all day thinking about women. I sit around all day failing to accept things for what they are, often blaming others or things but never myself.

At this point in the song, things take a more calm favor.

What Maria is saying is self explanatory.

A lot of outside influence worked their way into this song alone. I’d say that this song is by far my favorite and there’s reason behind it. For one, I’m being honest artistically here. Im not hiding so much behind songs like Selver and Lemon Tree or even Ub!K.

Songs like Goodbye From Famicom Sessions, Lighthearted Farewell and Cosmic Interlude played a role in the creation of this song.

I really wanted to tell you that this song, is about something real that happened to me and maybe you’ve been there, maybe you will be there or maybe you won’t ever experience what I’m talking about here but either way I just thought i’d share with you, whoever you are that’s reading this.

This year I plan to work on a lot more releases like this and giving little bits of insight. Im lining up the next set of four songs to be released. I plan to be more honest with my words.

It’s time to let go and say goodbye.

[realtalk-princeton]

theres this guy i like and ive been getting to know him except i feel like the whole ‘getting to know each other’ thing is getting in the way of more lighthearted flirtyness- any flirting tips to try and steer the conversation in that direction? Im kinda useless

Response from Clipper (gave this question a little time so that another contributor could ninja, but heigh-ho it’s me again):

To begin, I personally am trying to make a habit of not assuming gender when answering questions like these, so I’m not going to assume you’re a girl. This advice would apply to everyone, but feel free to ask again with more detail if you want more targeted/gendered response.

There are definitely ways to steer a conversation into the “making a pass” lane, and since you’re already spending time getting to know each other you definitely have the opportunity to try this advice out. All it takes is courage- you’re not useless! Everybody feels less than adequate when they’re talking to someone they like, with the sole possible exception of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. (And that’s merely speculation because, well, look at him. That’s peak physical form right there.) 

Just how thirsty are you trying to be? You could just… ask him on a date or an activity that could be seen as a date. For example, as a self proclaimed Nassau Boba Connoisseur, while we talked (or over text if it gave me more courage) I could say, “Man, I’m dying for a boba. Wanna head over there with me? Beware, I have strong opinions and will judge you based on your choices!”

Some tips off the dome for a more subtle approach (though I recommend being more than subtle because guys:

Compliment often on what he’s interested in. This means he’s more likely to compliment you back, or you could add something cute like “Wow, you’re a [whatever he’s into] genius, that’s really cool and I don’t know, that’s pretty attractive.” Or if you want to be even subtler 

Bring up his appearance. Unless they look like models, guys don’t get many compliments out of the blue about their appearance. You calling him good looking, complimenting his outfit, will slowly make him notice that you are into him.

Laugh at anything thats sounds like an innuendo, and try to come up with them as you talk. Talking about excel spreadsheets? Call them sexcel bedsheets. Give him an over-exaggerated wink if you want to give yourself a way to play it off if you’re worried about being too forward.

That’s all from me for now. I should really be writing my JP 🙃

(Not sure if emojis will show up for everyone. For clarity, that was the upside down face emoji.)

[spaceslouie]

1. I just recently following your blog. And I find that we have same opinion for the most part, or from your tags anyway. This by no means that you’d agree with me but can I share my opinion with you. Like I think that so many people have been too critical about his solo works. We really dont know anything. I feel like, Louis have been so appreciative about the opportunity he got, but it looks like we as fan cant even give him a chance. What if he make do with what he got. What if all this was..

2. the only thing on his hand. He said it himself, limited people to work with. Like, maybe the 5 of them dont get the same offers? I dont find it weird that H got the amount of support he got, and Louis got minimum exposure. If we can see it in a professional way, the party that did the offering have their reasons. Sometimes you dont get what you want no matter how hard you work for it. Its reality. That doesnt mean Louis dont deserve it. And people tend to forget, what you find rewarding could

3. be different from others. We want the best for him, and thats just it.. Why does it needs to be by the other 1D guys standard. I’m really emotional talking about Louis. Like, I want to respect what he do. I dont know the struggle he faced. This is the guy who hates their merch, their early music. I feel like the fandom so quick to talk but rarely listen. I dont claimed to know him, but I feel that Hes grateful for this opportunity. And I take my cue from him for the life HE live. thankyou :)

wow i . . got an ask! sorry it took me a while to answer this babe (depending on when u sent it) i dont come on this blog alot, i kinda just made a tumblr as an outlet for my thoughts and frustrations and to have a place to talk about louis lol

anyways i think we do have pretty similar feelings about the way things are going - mostly mine are just summed up by ‘idk what to think but i love louis and his music’ lol 

To be real tho, i’ve been a 1D fan since i was 12, in 2011, and i was a larrie from like 2012 to pretty much a few months ago (not that im an ‘anti’ now or anything, i just dont kno what to think). For most of my time as a 1D fan (and especially a larrie) the culture w/ us has been, for better or worse, to hyper-analyze and doubt (for lack of better words) everything we’re given and told. Tbh, since i changed my perspective a few months ago (mostly bc of solo!harry), ive pretty much just been constantly reevaluating everything ive known for the past 5/6 years and i really just have pretty much NO idea what to think, whatsoever. 

When it comes to solo!louis, ive just been trying to take it as it comes. key word is trying, bc 5/6 years of having a rock-solid idea of the “”truth”” (our ideas about the boys, management, their relationships, etc) is alot to overcome when u try to be objective. 

When u say that ppl have been too critical of louis and his stuff, im not really sure which ppl u mean or if u just mean in general - ive definitely seen some ppl who seem to be critical just for the sake of it, or bc they actually dont like louis, which, ya, thats definitely too critical. But for some of the ppl being critical, it seems like theyre coming from the same place i was before i changed my perspective - if i hadnt been so put-off by solo!harry, i probly would still be just as dedicated to the fandom “”truth”” and i would be critical of solo!louis like i was/we were of everything else. 

Basically, at this point, i think its just habit for alot of ppl to be critical and cynical. Or, even more, its generally more comfortable (especially when weve been telling ourselves for 5+ years that we know the “truth”) to be critical (in an all-knowing way like when ppl say “those stunts are so transparent” or something) than to admit that theres alot we dont kno. Or to admit that louis hasnt had the opportunities we thought he would have/we think he deserves, and theres not really anything to do about it.

Are they right to be critical? I honestly totally dont kno. But basically im done being critical just bc other ppl are - if something strikes me as wrong and worth being critical of, right off the bat, then ill criticize it. But if everything seems ok to me and i have no reservations and i see someone else complaining and making a big deal about it, i guess thats how i decide when someone is being too critical. Thats when it seems to me like theyre being critical just for the sake of it or bc thats what theyre used to. I think its important in our culture (1D fan/louie culture), at least for me in the place im in now, to just trust ur own instinct instead of looking to others to see if things are good or not.

At first i was a little confused by ur ask(s) bc it seems a little contradictory - u talk about how louis didnt get the best opportunities, and then u say ppl are being too critical. But i think i understand (maybe im projecting tho, bc this is how i feel about it). I think what i (and u, if im understanding ur ask rite) am feeling is that ppl want to place blame - we all want the best for louis, and we’re upset that it doesnt seem that he got it. We all love and appreciate louis, so it can be hard to see how other ppl wouldnt and how he wouldnt get all the opportunities we think he deserves. So we go off on his team, simon cowell, his record label, the other boys, etc., and we criticize them and everything louis puts out bc its through them/connected to them. 

But it really all comes down to the fact that regardless of what we think louis deserves, we all know that what he gets probly wont match up to that. Youre rite, he literally said that he didnt get that many opportunities, and we have to accept that. No matter how much we love and admire him, we have to realize that for various reasons the rest of the world doesnt (at least not yet). He wasnt the most famous member of 1D, or the one pushed as the most talented, and the fact that he has a unique voice makes him kindof an acquired taste. 

We have to realize that he is, like u said, doing the best w what hes got. We dont have the power to give him more, so from my perspective im just enjoying what we get and supporting it in every way i possibly can. Bc thats what being a fan is about - enjoying what u get, and supporting it so u continue to get it. We can wish he had more opportunities available, and even ask for what we want from him in polite and lighthearted ways - like tweeting him about his album, or nominating him for awards (like teen choice and stuff), or posting/tweeting about how we wish we had a video/photoshoot/etc as long as its nice and not demanding. But ya basically we are not in a position to give him opportunities so our only job (if we want it, which, being a louie, i do) is to support what he puts out. 

You said: “Like, maybe the 5 of them dont get the same offers? I dont find it weird that H got the amount of support he got, and Louis got minimum exposure. If we can see it in a professional way, the party that did the offering have their reasons. Sometimes you dont get what you want no matter how hard you work for it.” Basically, i totally agree w this and i think its totally ok to just enjoy what we get from louis w/o constantly worrying about how were getting it/what we ‘should’ be getting.

I am frustrated, and always have been, that louis doesnt get what the other boys do, but thats just the way it is. We have to accept that there isnt always someone to blame - for various reasons, louis has had less opportunities than the other boys, and theres nothing we can do about it. I would even go as far to say its not necesarily an injustice - like u said, he isnt the other boys, so we cant expect him to have the same situation as them. All we can do is support him and his music as much as we can/want to. 

anyway im SO sorry for turning this ask into a literal essay, i guess i had a lot to say and honestly im not sure how much of it is coherent or even on topic, it took me like an actual hour to write this all out and when i reread it… it didnt make as much sense as it did in my head lol. anyway i do think we hav some similar feelings and stuff and i really apreciate hearing ur thoughts! I hope we both get to enjoy bty (im so fuckin excited!!! from the teasers hes shared already its gonna be SO GOOD!!!) and i hope more good things happen for louis! tysm for sharing ur thoughts w me! 💙