#jonathan uses queer as a label

[imhyperfixatingrn]

Lil drafted story abt Jargyle and Jonathan's gender identity. I can't write for shit, bear with me.

Jonathan looked outside the vans window, smoking on the blunt as he distantly listened to Argyle rambling or humming or something like that. He's been doing a lot of thinking lately, a lot of thoughts that gave him this antsy edge that even the weed had a hard time getting rid of. It always helped though, and Argyles company helped too.

He realized Argyle had put that cheesy song on, the one he had played over and over for a week now. And when he wasn't playing it on tape he had been humming it, everywhere he went. Not that on song "Pass the dutchie", no this one was about love, which wouldn't be surprising because Argyle had a big sweet soft heart, when you got to know him.

"Something happens when I'm head over heals hm-hm.."

He heard his friend sing to himself, along with his tape that started to get glitches because of how much it was played.

"Why have you been listening to that song on loop? Didn't take you for a Tears for Fears guy.." Jonathan asked. And when he spoke he realized he was higher than he thought he was.

Argyle looked over at him like he almost forgot Jonathan was here in the first place.

" I don't know dude, sometimes, love songs, they get me all dreamy and shit, guess I'm a hopeless romantic."

Oh, and that made Jonathan's heart a little warm. Argyle, once you got to know him, was a sweet, kind, selfless guy, who was full of love to give out to everyone he met. That man didn't have a single bad bone in his body.

And sometimes Jonathan found himself wondering what it would be like to be with Argyle, in a romantic way. Since Argyle had so much love to give, and Jonathan realized after his breakup with Nancy that he was kind of affection-deprived. And that's how he came to the conclusion that he was probably queer, and probably crushing hard on his best friend.

"So... What, you got like, a crush right now? That's why you get all cheesy with this song?" He asked, tried not to let anything show outside of pure curiosity, no hope, no disappointment, no personal interest in the answer.

Argyle sighed dramatically, a whole cloud of smoke escaped his mouth and he closed his eyes for a second. Jonathan started to stress, why would he react like that? Did he not want to talk about it? Should Jonathan just shut up, like usual? Definitely.

"I feel like I like most people I meet, you know, man?" Argyle said after reopening his eyes. He still said that with his lighthearded tone so Jonathan untensed.

But, no, he did not know what Argyle meant. Most 'people' he met? Why would he say 'people' and not chicks? Because then Jonathan counted as a person he had met and that might have meant that Argyle was also... Not straight. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe Jonathan was delusional.

"But enough about me, brochacho, I can see you've been worrying your pretty little head about something lately. What's up dude?"

Again, Jonathan be damned, for a man as high as a kite 24/7, Argyle had the observation skills of the century. And he knew how to help people so, might as well.

Jonathan knew he would never talk about it if it wasn't for the weed making it seem like a normal thing, and the fact that he knew Argyle and Argyle was chill about everything so...

"Well.." He started, unsure and tried to organize his thoughts. "Have you ever felt like, you know, like you don't feel connected to being a man? I don't know how to say it, um..."

Once he said it out loud, it sounded way less normal and way more queer than he thought. He didn't want to make that a big deal, obviously, but this weird feeling in the back of his head was getting a bit more annoying, the longer he couldn't figure it out.

Argyle turned around towards the back of the van, grabbed a bag of chips, opened it and put it between the both of them, the munchies kicking in he assumed.

"Hm." Argyle ate a chip and fought out every single word in his response, with a look of focus on his face. "Well, I've read abt transsexuals in a library in L.A. Do you feel like a chick instead of a dude?

He said that with such a calm and so genuinely that Jonathan wanted to sob. How was he so lucky to have met this golden guy who made his life better everyday?

"No, I, um... it's like I don't feel like a guy, but, like, I don't feel like a girl either... Sorry it's stupid, I just.."

Jonathan backtracked, he felt dumb. he thought a guy feeling like a girl or vice versa would make actual sense, even though he had never heard of it before. But someone feeling like nothing, feeling like neither, that sounded so foreign, like something that he made up in his own stupid brain.

"No, no, brochacho, I don't know much about it but I've heard of people who feel like neither, or both, or it's more complicated than that it's like, like a spectrum, dude. But you don't have to be anything. You can just be Jonathan."

'You can just be Jonathan.'

This time he was going to sob for real. He felt small tears in the corner of his eyes, not enough to actually start crying but he was well on his way. God, how did he manage to find someone like Argyle and actually maintain that friendship. He felt like he would be nowhere and lost in life without these warm brown eyes to watch over him like an angel.

He just plonged forward, ignoring the dying bag of chips between them, and wrapping himself on Argyle like he was his lifeline and he was drowning, which was how he felt, on the daily.

"Hey, dude, you're okay, I... I'm here,"

Argyle was probably confused, considering Jonathan was never the one initiating physical contact, even though he was touch starved.

Jonathan got himself off Argyle, returning to his space but still having his body turned towards his best friend, and now they were closer than they had realized.

"How did you know so much, about the gender stuff...?"

"Well, I read about it while I was figuring my own shit out, dude."

Jonathan froze. What did that mean? That Argyle was somehow 'gender-queer' also, or something else? Figuring his sexuality?

The questioning look on Jonathan's must have been too evident because Argyle explained:

"I told you I like everyone, not litteraly, but I can like dudes and dudettes and others, no matter the gender, no matter the junk, you know? I also fall in love all the time so that too."

Jonathan swallowed, his heart beating a bit fast for his liking. So that meant Argyle was, what? Bisexual or something like that. Definitely not straight. Jonathan's mind flared with hopes that he tried to shut down.

"Hm. I am too, I mean, not exactly like you but I'm queer too, I like both, I think. I'm still not sure about everything."

Argyle had given such a clear perfect explanation and Jonathan was rambling, he sounded Iike he didn't know a single thing about himself today.

"Yeah I gathered, brochacho." Argyle said, lighthearded, chuckling a bit.

What? What had given his sexuality away? Or was it the whole gender conversation? It didn't make sense.

Again Argyle sensed the questions hanging in the air.

He grabbed Jonathan's cheek with a firm but gentle touch, looked him right in the eyes with a big smile.

"It's the way you look at me, dude."

Then he slightly turned Jonathan's head to the side and kissed his cheek, like it was normal, usual behavior, like he had done it a thousand time before. Jonathan gasped and felt heat rise in his face, his heart was beating like crazy, he felt helpless and yet envolepped in happiness. Argyle released his cheek with a content expression and started slowly gathering his stuff.

"Well, brochacho, I don't wanna leave you so soon but I gotta get back to work so... I'll call you tonight, talk more, whaddya say dude?"

Jonathan could only smile shyly and nod, like an idiot. He really didn't know where he would be without this gem of a person that was Argyle, he didn't think he would ever fall in love properly but, in the end, he did, and it felt so incredibly idle.

I never find out till I'm head over heels...💕

[st7arlight]

a theory has been proposed and i must know the answer

also: ace counts ace subtypes (ie: demi, gray)- ace is an umbrella term

also also: go ahead and vote in favor of bi if ur pan or otherwise are into more than one gender. semantics are unimportant

also also also: put in the tags what you identify as, im getting curious

[rollercoasterwords]

hi there! i saw a post you made ages ago about gender not necessarily being a static thing and being something that can change over a person’s lifetime.

excuse my ignorance in this but do you think that is something that applies to a person’s sexual orientation as well? i always appreciate your insight on these topics.

also, apologies if anything is worded strangely. english is not my first language.

no worries, i can understand u perfectly! and my short answer to ur question is yes

longer answer is i don’t think anyone is born w some innate metaphysical identity that they can unearth to discover their True Self; i think sex, gender, and sexuality are largely socially constructed, though obviously materially rooted. the comparison i sometimes make to explain this to students is to think about an accent—certain physical aspects influence accent (mouth shape, vocal chords, etc) but ultimately the accent a person has is almost entirely shaped by the world around them; babies aren’t born with some “true” accent they have to discover about themselves. but that doesn’t make a person’s accent any less real or “natural”!

i think where some people get defensive abt the idea that sexuality isn’t necessarily static or innate is that oftentimes conservative voices have used this specifically to say that being gay is a phase, etc. this is a very clever trick, in which heterosexuality is enshrined as “natural” and any sexuality departing from that is a phase, a choice, etc, such that many queer people have found themselves cornered into arguing that queerness is also natural and innate, just like heterosexuality. but the ‘born this way’ narrative will ultimately not lead to liberation, because it fails to question the basic premise that heterosexuality is natural and innate; in reality heterosexuality is just as constructed and contrived as any other form of sexuality, and in fact we often see the lengths that people must go to in order to hide this fact. kinda like the wizard of oz behind the curtain (the invention of heterosexuality by jonathan ned katz is a great book abt this!)

the other sticking point i think people often have with this concept is that they think saying sexuality isn’t innate means people can just pick & choose who they’re attracted to. but that’s not how social constructs work! again, going back to the example of accents, just because an accent is socially constructed/developed does not mean that people can just snap their fingers and get a new accent. this is because social constructs are grounded in material realities and have material effects; they’re not just playing make-believe. money is another good example of a social construct that has very real and tangible material effects; i can’t just take monopoly money to the store and buy something.

so…yeah. i think sexuality can be just as fluid as gender. maybe you’ll be attracted to something at one point in your life and that’ll change over time, or maybe you’ll identify with one sexuality and then later figure out a different label works better for you. when it comes to queer politics & queer communities, i really don’t see a point in trying to nitpick or analyze whether someone is REALLY x sexuality, or what the “correct” label is for someone to use, bc i find labels more useful for identifying shared struggles than for like. unearthing buried metaphysical truths about identity lol. i also have found that i personally am much happier not worrying about figuring out my “true” sexuality and just using whatever label best fits my experiences & how i’m perceived in the world

[skepsiss]

Tooth and Nail -pt1- Steddie

You asked for it @strangersteddierthings it uhh...... hurts a lot at the end. Probably have to do a part 2... or more.

Uuhh, it's kinda sad guys. Prompt was to write something where Eddie is the one that is in denial about his queer-ness and Steve is the one who makes him question his sexual identity. Full request here.

14A ish rating. TW: Miscommunication, denial, mild homophobia, suggestion of past trauma (child abuse), use of drugs (weed), mild physical aggression, the f-slur (not spoken to anyone), self-hatred.

PT1 PT2 PT3

---

Eddie Munson was a freak. He’d been labeled as such since he was a little boy with a teen mom who ended up marrying the asshole who got her pregnant. He was a freak when his mother left and a freak when his father went to jail; how no boy who lived that kind of life was normal by any stretch of the word.

It only got worse from there as he got older. A freak for being poor, a freak for having long hair, being a nerd, a metalhead, trailer-trash, drop out–the list went on and on. Eddie had also gotten good at being a freak. He got good at wearing it like armor so people were scared of him instead of just judgemental. He wanted those insults said to his face, not whispered behind his back and no way in hell was he going to take it lying down. It didn’t make things easy, but it was how you coped.

So, why? Why would he give himself another reason to be labeled a freak? 

Eddie would fight tooth and nail for any freak or weirdo he managed to befriend. It didn’t matter if you were fat, ugly, smart, dorky, a boy or a girl. It didn’t matter what blend or flavour you happened to be–even if Eddie was partial to the nerds and musicians–you were family as soon as you walked into Hawkins High. Once you were a freak you stayed a freak and it came with Eddie Munson as a perk.

As long as he lived. As long as he was in Hawkins. 

It wasn’t surprising to Eddie when he found out Will Byers was gay. He had seen it on him as soon as the boy’s missing poster went up and the subsequent reunion happened. He had never really gotten to know Jonathan–he was a weirdo, but not one that apparently liked Eddie’s flavour–but he, much like the rest of Hawkins, had breathed a sigh of relief was Will was delivered home. It was under weird circumstances and Eddie didn’t know much about middle schoolers, but he knew a freak when he saw one. Will was a nerd and he was gay which meant he was premo-meat to be fried by the masses.

If they were in school, if Will came back to Hawkins and Eddie was there he would have fought for him. It didn’t matter if he was gay because freaks and weirdos stuck together no matter the flavour. So when he found out Robin was gay he felt much the same. He didn’t have anything against queer folk and honestly, he saw them as being in a similar boat as him. He’d embrace someone who was gay way before he’d embrace someone who was Christian–even though he was neither of those things. 

Eddie had no love for the church and apparently, all the ‘f-words’ were all damned to hell so they might as well make it a party. Seemed like all the interesting people were hell-bound. 

Their little collective. Family. A regular bunch of Addams. 

So, why would he give himself another reason to be labeled a freak?

Eddie had been called everything under the sun as far as insults went. He was no stranger to ’bigot’  or ’devil’, ’sinner’ or ���faggot’. You learned not to react or give them a reason to keep poking. You learned not to take it seriously or let it chink your armor. None of it had to be true and denying it wouldn’t help, you just learned to _ignore_ it and tell yourself that they didn’t know you and their insults didn’t mean anything. Surround yourself with people that either love you or respect you and you’re golden. Listen to them, take their opinions, be yourself, and embrace your flavour.

When Steve came out as queer though, Eddie had no clue what to do. The idea that he would claim that label was beyond Eddie’s understanding especially since he hadn’t seen that confession coming from Steve of all people. He was a weirdo by proxy but… No, the thing that really bothered Eddie about that was his reaction. When he found out Robin and Will were as gay as they came he had gone out of his way to make sure they knew he didn’t have a problem with it. He made sure they felt like they were family and if everyone else ditched Eddie wouldn’t. 

Tooth and nail. Tooth and nail. 

But when Steve came out? Eddie had been shocked, for one thing, and secondly, he had felt his stomach drop out. Panic had flooded him and he was thankful that he wasn’t the only one in the room when it was said.

He had put an arm around Will and jostled him affectionately. He had cracked a joke and smiled at Robin before privately telling her that if she needed anything he was there. He had felt those reactions so naturally almost as if Will and Robin were just telling them all what college they’d be going to. Cool, doesn’t change a thing. Let me know if you need any help with stuff. Easy. Steve though? Steve…

While everyone else in their casual setting seemed to be nodding or not making a fuss–most of them used to this kind of thing by now–Eddie sat there petrified. What did he say? What did he do? Steve wasn’t some kid Eddie could rib and force into an affectionate headlock. He wasn’t a chick he could pretend to posture for so she felt like he had her back. He was… Steve.

Eddie had left that night feeling out of sorts. He hadn’t spoken to Steve and his subdued interaction was pointed out by anyone, but Eddie hadn’t left their little gathering feeling subdued at all. Outwardly maybe, but internally his mind had been locked in place over Steve saying I think I’m bisexual.

Okay… so what? Same as anyone else, right? Queer, whatever–certified freak, cool–so why was he twisted up about it?

Eddie had been spending a lot of time with Steve over the last few months and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he actually liked his company. Steve was sarcastic and charming and a little bit of a bitch but it just made joking around with him easier. Once they had bridged the gap between ‘nerd shit’ and ‘jock shit’ it became easy to spend time with Steve. Eddie had watched Steve relax around him which literally looked like his body relaxing. You wouldn’t know it right away, but Steve was tense when he wasn’t comfortable around you: arms crossed, brows pinched, shoulders tight, jaw locked, and stance controlled. All of that fell away once he settled down and it was easy to be around him then. Eddie had actually enjoyed seeing the process of Steve relaxing around him as they played the NES with Dustin or sat outside and shared a joint without the rest of the goodies-goodies knowing.

He enjoyed Steve’s company, so what was he worried about? Was he scared Steve would come onto him? That was presumptuous of him and probably rude. He wasn’t scared of Will getting a crush on him or any other obviously gay guy he had seen at shows and bars. He’d even turned guys down which always seemed to embarrass them a bit and Eddie hated that he saw a flash of fear in their eyes when he told them he was straight. He always made sure to end the conversation with It’s cool, man. Don’t worry about it and then smile to show he meant no harm.

He liked queer folk. They were family. Why was Steve different? 

Eddie’s brain was stuck in fast-forward all night once he got home. He hated it when his brain did that to him. Every image flashed through his brain at supersonic speed and he couldn’t focus on anything. It was exhausting and frustrating and it literally felt like his mind was racing. The only thing that helped was imagining the sprawling darkness of space and slowly… very slowly… adding little pinpricks of light to the image. He had to force himself to slow down and from the outside, he knew it looked like he wasn’t doing anything. It looked like he was being lazy, but in reality, all the energy he usually exuded had just become internalized. 

He’d tell Steve it was fine. He’d made sure Steve knew he always had his support. That was what he was supposed to do. That was what he did for everyone else.

But when it happened–when he got his chance to have an aside with Steve–his gut had pulled and his tongue had gotten caught between his teeth. It happened the second time he tried too, and the third, and the fourth–each time he tried to talk to Steve one-on-one he clammed up. It was maddening really and Eddie had started to notice that Steve was suspicious of him–and not in a good way. 

The fifth time was different. The fifth time was worse. 

They had all been celebrating Max’s return home and as the kids got loud and the sun set it felt like one of those nights where Eddie just didn’t have the energy to be around this many people. He loved socializing–he loved the party–but sometimes it just became too much he could feel his mind drifting away from the scene.

Eddie had started his drift before looking up and catching Steve’s eye across the room. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and as he flicked his gaze up he slowly raised his hand to his mouth and mimed smoking. It didn’t take a genius to know what that meant and Eddie raised his brow in agreement before slinking away.

“I don’t have any on me,” Eddie explained as they stepped out into the dark, “but I’ve got some at home.”

His trailer was only a stone’s throw away from Max’s place so it wasn’t really a big deal. Weed sounded like a good idea too; he could smoke and bring him back to earth and maybe it would settle his nerves enough to properly talk to Steve. He _wanted_ to talk to Steve.

“We going to smoke here?” Steve asked as he followed Eddie inside the trailer. Wayne was out and Eddie didn’t have any qualms about Steve coming over to his place.

“Sure, might as well so the impressionable young children,” Eddie mocked, using a stuffy, posh voice, “don’t get tempted by our bad influence.”

He snickered as he touched his own chest, extending his hand skyward and acting as if he were delivering a Shakespearean speech. 

“Ms. Languard, is that you?” Steve mocked back, shoving Eddie’s shoulder so he’d continue his walk towards his bedroom. 

Eddie laughed again and stumbled down the hall, glad that they could at least joke around with each other still. Yeah, he’d smoke and then he’d properly let Steve know that being queer was cool with him and that they were blood-bonded for life already having survived a demonic war together. Steve would call him dramatic and they’d laugh over it and then things could go back to normal. 

Eddie had found one of his baggies of weed after tossing the laundry on his floor about the room for a few minutes before finally getting his stuff together so he could roll them a joint. The buds had been bitter and Eddie had jokingly apologized before hanging the blunt over to Steve to smoke. He had coughed and gagged at the flavour and Eddie had called him a pussy in good humour. Normal. They were acting normal.  

As the weed seeped in they got quieter though and Eddie felt himself drifting again as he sat on the foot of his bed. Steve was standing by the window so he could blow the smoke outside even though Eddie didn’t care about the smell. It was polite and Eddie could appreciate that at least.

“You okay?” Steve asked as Eddie caught himself staring blankly at the ground, knees tucked up to his chest.

“Oh–yeah, yeah, I’m fine, just thinking,” he admitted, blinking hard and then smiling at Steve. They shared a chuckle and Steve took a step forward to hand the joint over.

“Thinking about anything interesting?” He asked, carefully turning the blunt in his fingers so Eddie could grab it.

“Yeah, I guess so…” Eddie mumbled, taking a moment before finally putting his feet back on the floor and taking the smoke from Steve.

“You gunna share with the class?” Steve asked and Eddie giggled again at that, the joke was not that funny but the weed was getting to him.

It took another moment as Eddie smoked, his attention drifting a bit before he finally answered.

“I was thinking about what you said the other week,” Eddie admitted, trying to let the hold his anxieties had on him fade away. He could just let those fears slip through his fingers and he’d finally be able to say what he had been meaning to say for weeks now. Weed was good for that.

“The other week…” Eddie continued, and he stood slowly to pass the joint. Steve was staring at him with bemusement and confusion, obviously trying to follow along with what Eddie was saying. Eddie could feel that blanket of anxiety that had been wrapped around him slowly lifting. He didn’t have to think about anything, just say what he meant to say and then they’d be back to normal. 

“The other week when you uh, when you told everyone you were gay,” Eddie explained, nodding which got a pinched expression from Steve.

“Bisexual–bi,” he corrected, taking the blunt from Eddie and smoking it.

“Yeah, that,” Eddie answered, “it got me thinking about stuff…”

Eddie could feel himself getting distracted as his mind lost its grasp on the words he had been trying to deliver. He understood what he wanted to say–in sentiment–but he was having a hard time forming the words to go along with it. His attention kept on bending and then refocusing on other things that weren’t important. How his hair was tickling his ears a bit, and how bitter the weed tasted on the back of his tongue, and then to his room and how it was probably embarrassing to have Steve here when it was such a mess–he had to refocus on Steve.

“Uh, you, Steve,” Eddie tried, lifting his hand and poking Steve hard in the chest. He just had to drift his brain over to thinking about Steve.

“Yeah… me?” Steve replied, breathing a small laugh.

Eddie smiled, wondering for a moment if he was acting silly and if he was amusing Steve. He liked it when they joked and he had been missing that the last few days. He missed spending time with Steve. He wanted to tell him he accepted him. He wanted to tell Steve he’d always be there. He wanted to put him in a headlock, rib him, posture a little… see him relax… He wanted to see Steve’s posture change, his brows soften, and his mouth unpinch. And then everything would be normal. How they’d just go back to being freaks together.

Yeah, no more anxieties about all this, it was just Steve. It was just Steve.

“Eddie?” Steve asked and Eddie only vaguely registered that he was touching Steve’s face. He looked confused, but he was smiling, and all Eddie could think about was how beautiful his smile was. 

The next thing Eddie knew he was stepping forward as if in a slow dance and pushing Steve back towards the wall he had been leaning on. Steve didn’t fight him, but Eddie didn’t have the presence of mind to question what that meant. He was just moving them across the room so he could press flush against Steve and kiss him. The action had been so gentle Eddie had felt like he was dreaming through the whole thing like it wasn’t really him doing it. Steve shuttered under him and Eddie pulled back just far enough so he could see Steve’s expression. His eyes were closed and his brows were pinched together as if something painful had just happened.

They had kissed and Steve was in pain? They had kissed, why would Steve be in pain? They had kissed.

Eddie let go abruptly and stumbled backward as his anxieties plowed back into him.

“Sorry!” He said quickly, sticking his hands up in front of himself.

Steve didn’t move from the wall and as he opened his eyes slowly and a pang of guilt shot through Eddie. He stumbled back again as his knees hit the edge of the bed forcing him to sit down.

“Sorry, sorry–” Eddie offered, laughing now as his fear bubbled up. Why the hell had he done that? What the fuck was he doing?

“Sorry, man, I didn’t mean anything by it, I uh, was just curious.”

That was the reason, right? There probably wasn’t another reason that made sense. He had been high and his brain had just filtered through the possibilities and for some reason, it had settled on a kiss. Fucking weird, but he had never claimed to be normal.

“Curious?” Steve said back slowly as he came out of what seemed like a daze, “you were… curious?”

Eddie felt his throat getting tight and he was desperately trying to swallow the lump that was forming there.

“I was just joking around,” he offered a weak smile and Steve just stared at him. Eddie watched as his expression changed from dazzled confusion to anger. 

“What the fuck, man?” Steve bit out sounding insulted. He didn’t sound as angry as Eddie thought, but he did sound upset.

“Sorry, I dunno man, I’m high,” Eddie blurted, speaking to the first excuse that came to mind.

Steve just stared at him before shaking his head in disbelief. His frustration looked like it was building and that in turn was making Eddie shrink back.

“You’re unbelievable…” Steve muttered to himself, as he slowly turned to face his back to Eddie, his hands going to his hip, “unbelievable… what the fuck?”

“Sorry–” Eddie tried once more getting cut off this time as Steve snapped at him.

“Stop apologizing, okay?” He said slicing the air with his hand before settling back down and putting his hand back on his waist.

Eddie shut up and stared as he watched Steve’s shoulder bunch and his posture shift from relaxed to tense.

“Joking around… joking around?” Steve asked, his tone accusatory even though it was level. Eddie just gaped at him, not sure what to say if he wasn’t supposed to apologize anymore. The question seemed like it had been rhetorical anyway.

Eddie watched as Steve touched his own lips, squeezing them sharply as if he were thinking and trying to pull the sensation away from his mouth at the same time. 

“So, you were just curious to know–what? What it’s like to kiss a guy? To know if you like guys?” He asked, turning to look at Eddie again but not changing his posture at all.

“I don’t like guys, I’m straight,” Eddie said sharply, his stomach tightening, “I was just…”

Steve’s lip started to curl and Eddie shrunk back further, feeling guilty and embarrassed and ashamed in a way he didn’t know how to communicate. In a way he didn’t want to communicate.

“Just… joking around?” Steve repeated back, his dipping so his delivery lacked emotion. That had stung. That hurt more than Eddie thought it would.

Steve shook his head and raised the joint back to his lips to take a hit. 

“Yeah, real funny,” he started to say as he tossed the blunt at Eddie, “a regular riot. Just kiss your buddy Steve. It’s soooo fucking funny that he likes guys.”

Eddie could see that Steve’s cheeks were flushing as his voice hitched slightly. He was keeping it together but his expression was that of a man who had just been betrayed. He looked hurt. It looked like he had just bore his soul and Eddie had laughed in his face. Like he had been cruel for no other reason than to hurt him.

“Steve–” Eddie started, standing up, not sure what to do.

“You’re sorry, I get it,” Steve replied, stepping towards the door and starting to walk away.

“I didn’t mean it like that–” Eddie tried, hurrying after him and grabbing Steve’s shoulder to stop him from leaving. Steve tried to brush him off, but Eddie was determined to hold on.

Steve moved quickly then and it caught Eddie off guard as he grabbed his wrist and whipped around. Steve shoved hard and Eddie stumbled backward until he hit the wall, Steve’s forearm across his chest.

“Don’t–” Steve bit out, sticking his finger aggressively in Eddie’s face, “--fucking touch me.”

His tone was incredibly level but it was obvious that he was holding back real anger. It was easy to forget sometimes that Steve was an athlete. That he could run circles around everyone in the crew and was easily the strongest amongst them under the age of twenty-five. He had survived Russian torture and Eddie had witnessed him using that strength to help the party. Steve was resilient and he was strong… even if he rarely threw a punch. 

Eddie was too shocked to react properly and before he knew it Steve had let go of him and stormed out of the trailer. Fear rang Eddie like a bell as he stood there and listened as a car engine turned on and the sound of tires of gravel filtered through the open screendoor. He was shaking, he was sure, his body reacting to old memories and mortified by what had just transpired.

“Fuck…” Eddie mumbled, his throat tight and his lips feeling as if they were glued together.

“Fuck–” he repeated, heaving as he raised his hands to his face and pressed his wrists into his eyes.

“Fuck!” Eddie shouted feeling the tears build as he let his knees buckle under him. He slid down the wall and crumpled, hands still pressed into his eyes as he started to sob openly. He was soothing the memories of that scared child but he was also mourning Steve. It felt bad. Everything felt bad.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Eddie muttered to himself through his tears, his voice thick with phlegm, “what the fuck was that? Why did you do that? You fucking… asshole!”

He was bullying himself, he knew it, but he couldn’t help how upset he was. He was mad at himself for doing something unbelievably stupid and he was frustrated that he was reacting this way to it. But he couldn’t help that it felt like his heart was about to give out as he gasped in breath and his stomach filled with air. He was practically gulping as he forced himself to his feet and stumbled into the bathroom. It was like he was a little kid again. But that wasn’t fair–he didn’t get to act this way. He had been the one that had hurt Steve.

“Fuck,” he gagged, leaning over the sink and turning the tap on. A morbid part of him needed to look and see the fear and sorrow on his face so he looked up at the mirror and cringed at his own appearance. His face was red and tears wouldn’t stop flowing from his eyes. His upper lip had gathered snot and his mouth was turned grotesquely into an open frown.

“Stop it,” he swallowed, gritting his teeth as he stared at himself, “you don’t get to do that.”

Eddie gulped in another breath and stood up straight. He closed his eyes and forced his frustration inwards, forcing himself to just get over it.

“Stop it, stop it, stop it,” he mumbled, breathing out slowly as he tried to calm down, “stop it!” He flipped the switch from upset into anger, tears still running down his face but no longer hyperventilating.

“What the fuck was that?” he repeated, dropping his gaze to look at himself in the mirror again, “you–you… you fucking creep. Asshole. What the hell? You’re fucking straight. How the hell are you going to fix this, asshole? Why would you give yourself another reason to be labeled a freak?”

The words stung and Eddie swallowed hard, looking away from the mirror finally. He was calming down even if he didn’t feel better, pushing those emotions inside to deal with later. It was too raw right now, it was too much, he couldn’t do this right now.

Eddie let out a breath through gritted teeth and then moved back to the sink. He turned the water on full blast and then started yanking his rings off. He didn’t care where they fell, but once his hands were bare he cupped them under the water and splashed the cold liquid into his face. He gasped at the sensation and did it again, did it until he had washed all the snot and tears from his face, and then turned the faucet off.

Eddie hung his head over the sink for a long moment, breathing through his mouth as the water streamed off his face. He settled slowly and sucked in one last hard breath and then dried his face off.

“Fucking hell man…” Eddie said quietly, sounding more exasperated than anything now. 

He frowned deeply as he walked back into his bedroom. The joint they had been smoking was on the floor at the foot of his bed and it had started to singe a hole into the carpet. Eddie tisked and picked it up before stamping on the burn mark a few times to make sure it didn’t spread.

How the hell was he going to fix this?

Pt2

[i-promise-i-am-not-on-drugs]

Hi! This is my presentation post! I will update it from time to time! ^^

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— I am a teenager (between 15 and 19)!! Please don't ask me to send you money to help you with what you're going through, I will not be able to help you. It will only make me sad and uncomfortable, and make you lose time that you could use by asking the same thing to someone who can actually help you. I will most likely aweser your ask with a dot and appropriate #, only because I feel guilty when I don't. Also, I will block you, I'm sorry.

And I've just been asked that so just to be clear: No, I am not interested in any kind of "sugar relationship", thank you very much. (*traumatized crying*)

— Please do not interact with me if you are racist, homophobic, transphobic or a terf, if you willingly body shame people, if you are sexist, if you promote any kind of non con/illegal-relationship, if you are a nsfw-only account, or if you don't like to see the most random post at any time of the day. Once again, I will block you.

— I am genderfluid! You can use any pronounces while referring to me, but I do have a slight preference for they/them. :)

— Also, I mostly go by Eleana online, but I like to be called Len too. Or by my url idc. :3

— I do not have the energy to find the exact label for my sexuality, but I like to think of myself as queer and demi romantic! ^^

— I am mostly active in the following fandoms: The Goldfinch, Stranger Things, and Bungou Stray Dogs.

— I like to post some writing prompts that I make when a cool idea tickles my brain but my lazy ass can't bring itself to actually do something with it. :3

— Most of my posts/reposts are absolutely random and probably a bit confusing lol

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Here are some of my favorites ships in...

... Stranger Things

— Byler; Wiseheat; Miwi / Will x Mike (they need to be romantic and fucking cheesey.) (/hj)

— Jancy / Jonathan x Nancy (both platonic and romantic)

— Lumax / Lucas x Max (slight preference for romantic, but platonic is cute too)

— Elmax / Eleven x Max (both platonic and romantic)

— Elumax / Eleven and/x Lucas x Max (both platonic and romantic)

— Rokie / Robin x Vickie (preference for romantic)

— Ronance / Robin x Nancy (slight preference for platonic)

— Steddie / Steve x Eddie (both platonic and romantic)

— Duzie / Dustin x Suzie (both platonic and romantic)

— Stobin / Steve and Robin (ONLY PLATONIC!!! They're my favorite duo!! :D)

... The Goldfinch

— Boreo / Boris x Theo (romantic.)

— Pippadore / Pippa x Theo (only platonic.)

— Hobie x Welty (both platonic and romantic)

... Bungou Stray Dogs

— Soukoku / Dazai x Chuuya (both platonic and romantic)

— Shin Soukoku/ Atsushi x Ryūnosuke (also both platonic and romantic)

— Fyolaï / Fyodor x Nikolaï (both platonic and romantic too)

— Rampoe / Rampo x Poe (preference for romantic but platonic is cool too)

— Higugin / Higuchi x Gin (again, both platonic or romantic)

— Tachigin / Tachiara x Gin (platonic or romantic too)

— Kousano / Kouyou x Yosano (both platonic and romantic)

— KyouKenji / Kyoka x Kenji (both platonic and romantic)

— Atsulucy / Atsushi x Lucy (slight preference for platonic but romantic is cute too)

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Some random things about me! :D

— I absolutely loooove music. It doesn't have to be any specific kind of music, I could listen to pretty much anything and I'd be happy, because it's music.

— I am a cat person, and I'd like to adopt one or two when I'll have my own place!

— I never actually dated or really had a "crush" on anyone, but that doesn't stop me from being one of the biggest longing romantic person that I know!!

— I'm a fucking Drama Lord. >:)

— I am currently hyperfixing on Finn Wolfhard's acting. And by that, I mean that I discovered him by watching "The Goldfinch", and seeing more of his acting is the only reason why I watched "IT", "The Turning", and "Stranger Things" even thought I usually really hate horror/action shows.

— I am an extraverted introvert!

— People say I look mean or scary, but really I just have a "do-not-come-near-me-or-I'll-bite-your-head-off" resting face.

— My favorite love languages are physical touches and words of affirmation. :)

— My memory works in a really strange way: I can remember word by word some parts of books and their entire storyline when I've read them years ago, but it took me 7 years to know the birthdate of a friend of mine that I met when we where both three.

— I sometimes have an hyperfixation on a random thing for months and then suddenly loose any interest about it for literally no reason at all.

— And (you probably guessed that by now) I tend to overshare things about myself when people let me. (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠)

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You can also find me here! ^^

AO3 →

https://archiveofourown.org/users/0Eleana0/profile

SPOTIFY →

https://open.spotify.com/user/31umukryrvdkhqjddcjetw56nveu?si=KHezNeUsQEmJVZik9LGlwg

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And that's pretty much it! Wow I'm actually impressed if you finished to read all that lol--

Thank you for being here, I love you! (/platonically) ^^♥

[gaytventhusiast]

Labels, Asexuality, Aromanticism and Headcanon.

I need to just get this off my chest because it's a common trend I've noticed in a couple fandoms I'm in and I think it needs to be discussed. Of course I'm open to discussion on this. There's a chance I'm wrong.

Something about the way fandom treats s/x repulsed characters in media just sits with me bad. In multiple fandoms I've been in now, I've witnessed a clearly stated canonically s/x repulsed asexual character be put into 'intimate' situations under guise of a 's/x positive' interpretation. What bothers me, personally, is that these characters don't and would never. One example is with Jonathan Sims from The Magnus Archives. I have accidentally stumbled across explicit fics involving him before that are tagged 's/x positive asexual Jonathan Sims'. But the thing about him is that at no point in the podcast is he even mentioned to be asexual. In fact, the information you get about him is actually that he simply doesn't. That is all you know, that he doesn't, ever. And yet, due to the nuances of the asexual label and the fact that that description of Jon technically puts him under it, folks have been using those technicalities to put him into scenarios he never would enter into. As much as I hate to say it, it almost feels like there's a sort of s/x repulsed asexual erasure going on within the aspec community. And for context, this is coming from an aspec who is positive about that kind of intimacy. This is not just limited to asexuality either. I've also witnessed this happening to aromantic characters with fandom putting them in 'queer platonic relationships' that read as romantic ones. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a platonic pairing, in fact, I'm all for it. But time and time again I see sappy art with blushing or otherwise romantic undertones and I feel... just sort of weird about it. I understand where this all comes from. People have a desire to see themselves in characters and I respect that. But you can do that without the erasure of both asexuals and aromatics that simply do not. When it comes to being aro and/or ace, I recognise that, I, as someone who, although aspec, is still is open to relationships and 'intimacy', am far less scrutinised for it by society than those who aren't. And although sadly there is barely any representation in media for the kind of aspec I am, it doesn't mean that it feels okay to erase other asexual identities and their representation in the process. Summary: So this is all to say. It personally makes me uncomfortable when I see Repulsed Asexual and Aromatic characters turned pseudo-s/xual and romantic by the fans through the use of Label Nuances and Technicalities. (Note: This is not intended to be an attack on anyone personally. I simply think it's a much needed to be discussed topic that I've noticed happening more and more recently) On a more positive note: For anyone looking for aspec representation that involves a character who loves the idea of romance and has experienced giddy feelings in the past but comes to the realisation they might be aromantic through the help of an aroace friend, go listen to The Penumbra Podcast season 4 episode 'Rita Minute 4: 4Ever Love'. I've never felt so seen in terms of my sexuality before. It's an underrated gem of an aspec central minisode.

[palmviolet]

Hii, not wanting to seem weird or bother u, but what happened to Parallel Lines? It was a work in progress of yours and It was steddie so maybe thats why u never finished It, but did It have anything cool in It, i love music aus even more If theyre in the 70 with lots of acurate facts 😭😭😭😭

omg... parallel lines... i'm so pleased you remember that lmao this made me go reread the 5k or so words i had written for it. i'm afraid to say i'm not all that pleased with them (given my style has changed a huge amount since 2022) but the base ideas are so much fun — steve as an ordinary guy who put his passion for music behind him at his dad's behest, dating nancy the rolling stone reporter who interviews eddie munson, top of the world as the guitarist/frontman for marchwarden, a huge hard rock band with a three-day residency at the roxy to kick off their third us tour. nancy brings steve along backstage; steve and eddie hit it off. they spend the whole tour talking over the phone; when eddie gets back to la, things evolve.

the idea was that the fic would span three volumes and several years. this all begins in 1976; by 1978, they're broken up and eddie is living in london having written a breakup album, including the song 'parallel lines.' this of course is not the end of the story: steve and eddie get roped back together by robin, who's an up and coming artist under the same label as eddie, management attempting to make them each other's beards, trying to convince steve to join her band. they meet again at the marquee club in london when eddie gets her a supporting gig there.

steve eventually gets into music himself, at the perfect time for the ascendancy of synth in the late 70s/early 80s and the decline of the golden age of rock — steve on the way up and eddie (relatively) on the way down. add to this queer culture, love songs with the pronouns changed (or not), and david bowie. steve as a solo artist names himself vanity; robin's band (which includes max) is called giraffe; eddie's is marchwarden (as i was going for a more 70s vibe, led zep style, vs. corroded coffin as a very 80s metal name). at some point nancy starts dating photographer jonathan, probably breaks that off and winds up with robin instead. eddie's manager is lonnie until lonnie turns out to be a piece of shit. everybody's lives are tangled up together and it would have taken me years to write lmao

so yeah. i will not be writing this, probably, given the steddie interest is lingering only long enough for me to finish better by you and no longer. which is a shame, but c'est la vie.

thank you for reminding me of this! it's fun to talk about.

have the interview that would have opened the fic beneath the cut, anyway:

MW. So, let’s talk Parallel Lines. It’s quite different from the other songs on the album, isn’t it? Almost a surf-rock feel to some of the chords.

EM. Well, let’s not go quite that far… [laughing] But yeah, I guess it is pretty different. That’s not by design, necessarily, it just kinda turned out that way as a result of the lyrics and my idea behind the song.

MW. Which is…? I mean, it sounds to me like a breakup song, but that seems a rather simplistic explanation for a songwriter whose catalogue includes — expanding for the readers, here — an entire concept album about an evil wizard.

EM. [laughing again] Shit, well, thanks, Mick, I’m honestly very flattered by that. I mean, like, sixteen-year-old me, all teenage angst and growing my hair out of a really bad haircut, he would have died if he’d known I was writing a song about a breakup. Like, he’d totally have killed me! And maybe I’d deserve it! But, yeah, you got me, I wrote a song about a breakup.

MW. The lyrics aren’t simplistic at all, though, I mean, the mathematical concepts, the metaphors… I think it’s safe to say no one’s going to mistake this for your typical breakup song. There’s something almost hauntingly analytical about it. 

EM. Hauntingly analytical… yeah, I like that. It’s sort of an attempt to process something that happened in a way that doesn’t come all that naturally to me — or, I guess, to anyone. Who relates to a breakup through math, right? But if something totally alters the way you see the world, it’s like… a total paradigm shift. Sorry, more math speak. You wanna know the ironic thing, Mick? The person this song is written about hates math. Like, loathes it. Even more ironic, I absolutely hate it too. I had to call my friend at Caltech, he’s majoring in Physics, I had to ask him to check my math…

MW. [laughing] I’m impressed at your dedication to accuracy. So is that the point, then, trying to connect with someone in a language that neither of you understand or enjoy?

EM. Yeah, pretty much. I mean, that’s the thing with parallel lines, right? Never the twain shall meet. Always separate, doomed by fate, if I can put a horrible little cliché in there for you. Magazines love that shit.

MW. But they run side by side still, don’t they? Going in the same direction?

EM. There is that. 

MW. You’re famously reluctant to talk about this song, if I may say so, yet you’ve been incredibly generous with me — thank you! Is there a reason for that, or did you just decide that now’s the time?

EM. Now’s the time, I guess. Different country, different magazine. Maybe I’m hoping the person it’s about won’t see it, [laughs dubiously] if you can believe it — who knew I was such a coward? Had to cross the Atlantic before I could talk about a song I play to tens of thousands every night.

MW. Well, I’m honoured, whatever the reason. One last question on it, before we move on to that killer performance on Top of the Pops — I think you changed a great many British women’s lives with that one — any relation to the Blondie album?

EM. Y’know, I get asked this a lot. I mean, I’ll tell you the usual stuff: I have great respect for them as artists, the album’s great, the song’s unrelated, we just happened to release them within a couple months of each other. Debbie’s great, we caught up at the VMAs the other week and we’re totally cool about the title. But what I will add, since apparently I’m in a, um, confessional mood — something else ironic is that the person the song’s about probably prefers the Blondie album.

MW. Well, what can you do? Birds do like Blondie. 

EM. Sure. Sure they do.

— from ‘Eddie Munson: Parallels to the Past’ Interview by Michael Watts, Melody Maker, 16th August 1978

[kittykat940]

I think pushing celebs to come out is too far but at some point its just weird to be staunchly against people picking up what getting put down yk its normal to test the waters a bit before making it official and people shouldn't even have to make it official they should be allowed to just be which is unfortunately gonna be speculatory in nature because everyone is assumed straight en masse so anything that alludes to something not that is "speculation" Using an out actor Renee Rapp has publicly identified as bisexual fir a few years and a little while ago she started dropping hella hints that she now identified as a lesbian and people kept acting obtuse bout it and getting mad at anyone who acknowledged it just for her to be like yeah I'm a lesbian like forcing people out is bad ignoring the giant rainbow elephant in the room in some misguided attempt to be supportive just to yell we been knew when someone finally comes out instead of actually being supportive and creating a safe space is also bad though. Jonathan is actually a perfect example of what to do everyone should be a Jonathan. Acknowledgement and support without forcing people to put on a label they might not know or be ready for yet

yesss anon 👏 sometimes i believe the people who want celebs to come out are straight....how can you be queer and want to force someone to come out? i know queer people are different some have a easy time coming out and others its torture for me it was easy but i can understand the ones that have a hard time and i support them it just blows my mind how rude people can be forcing people to come out it pisses me off!

[schrijverr]

Interview with Eddie Munson about Recent Resurgence of Corroded Coffin and Appearance in A Collection of Queer Photography

Title speaks for itself. Interview with Eddie after the book is released, which caused a new interest in Corroded Coffin.

On AO3.

Ship: Steddie

Warnings: mentions of the AIDS crisis, mentions of homophobia, mentions of police violence, mentions of stopping with smoking, self identifying use of d-slur and f-slur

~~~~~~~~~

Today I go over to the house of Corroded Coffin front man Eddie Munson to talk to him about the renewed popularity of the band after Jonathan Byers published his work from 1986-1994. The book of photography is about growing up queer and the found family that Eddie also was a part of, giving insight into the private life of the group.

When I get to the address, I am greeted with the sight of a big house resting on a plot of land with a driveway that splits into two. Around the house is not a neat lawn like many other houses in the neighborhood have, instead it is full of wild flowers and grasses, a few trees and what looks to be a vegetable garden in the back. I have to check I have the right front door, before ringing the bell.

Soon Eddie Munson himself is opening the door and greeting me warmly and leading me to the living room I recognize from the end of the book.

Dressed in black sweatpants and a fraying Dio shirt, hair in a bun, he looks comfortable and a bit like a king in his castle as he sits down on one of the couches, gesturing me to take the other one. Though, not before giving me something to drink.

It’s afternoon, since he wanted the kids that he and his husband, Steve, are fostering to be out of the house, so they wouldn’t come under scrutiny. The two women he shares the house with, Robin and Rose, are of to work. It’s peaceful, but not quiet, metal music playing softly in the background.

I jump right in, asking him if he saw the recent success of the band coming. He laughs and shakes his head:

“No, man, not at all. We were all just hyped for Jon’s and Nance’s project to be taking off, you know. We knew some Corroded stuff was in there and that a few fans were excited about it, but we’re an old band, past our prime. And then that tweet about me on the phone to Stevie went viral and suddenly our numbers were going up and we were getting tagged in stuff. Some people made art, it’s really cool to see.”

He looks genuinely excited as he talks, loose grin on his face. I ask whether the fan interactions are different now than in the 90s.

“Totally, but not bad different. It’s a lot more connected today with social media and everything, which is really cool, since you get to know what people are thinking outside from a quick meet and greet or random encounter. Don’t get me wrong, I loved meeting fans back then, but this has its charm and we all get to hear from old fans now who didn’t have the money or ability to come see us back then. That’s definitely a bonus.”

Curious I ask: Have you noticed a difference between new fans and older fans?

“There is always generational differences. Trust me, I’m very glad that people have changed so much in how they think, but sometimes you’ll hear a kid say something and you’ve gotta turn your head in surprise, because it was unthinkable back then. But there are a lot of good kids out there. Mostly the difference is knowing lore. It’s hard to get to know things about a band that was big back then when you weren’t a part of it, but a lot of older fans are talking about it. It’s great to see that we built such a nice community out here.”

I tell him that a lot of people are wondering if the band is planning on releasing anything new now that they’re back in the spotlight, but Eddie shakes his head to that.

“No, no, sorry. I know people want us to, but we’re done. I still write music, even produce here and there. Jeff has his own record label and the other two are enjoying retirement. We get together to play for fun, but none of us want to do the tours and the press and the whole circus again. That shit is fun when you’re twenty something. We’re old now and I already missed enough time with my baby, I don’t have time for it, I don’t want to be away from home. Plus, we always got kids coming in and out, I’m gonna be there for them, because they need me more. It’s really sweet that people are enjoying our work, but done is done.”

He doesn’t want to comment on the kids, beyond that they’re great, since they haven’t ask to be anywhere close to public scrutiny by being in foster care. He says it sucks enough on its own and that he knows, he’s been in it.

So, I let the topic be and instead ask about Steve, who he mentioned. At the name, he lights up in a way that reminds me of romance novels.

“Steve is the best, he truly is. When we were big in the 90s, we had to hide, so I never could dedicate songs to him, tell the world how much I love him and say what songs are about him. It’s nice that I get to do that now and that people are noticing him with the book that came out. The most important person in my life.

Like, people underestimate how fundamental Steve has been in the success of Corroded Coffin. It wasn’t easy to do senior year for the fourth time, I nearly dropped out a thousand times, but Stevie kept me in school, which meant I got to have an okay job when we moved to Boston, so we could even live there as Robs studied, you know. And he kept working as Corroded Coffin tried to make it, he literally made sure I could follow my dreams and I have never been more thankful to him for that.

He was also our biggest fan all throughout. At the start he’d help us make merch and sell it when we played bars, but as we got bigger he couldn't come to our shows often anymore. He’s had a lot of knocks to the head, so too many loud noises are a no. I nearly gave the whole thing up a few times when we were on tour for months and I couldn't see him, but he always knew what to say to make me feel better and keep going.

Stevie has been my rock. He has done so much for him and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make him as happy as possible, because I can’t imagine doing anything else.”

The passionate rant is filled with love and it’s a little painful to cut him off, but we have limited time, so I move on to the book that launched him and the rest of the band back into the public eye. It is a view into his private life as well and I ask if that has caused any issues.

“I mean, you’re always going to have a few people who try to make it weird or think they know you now and have a say over you, but that is with everything, not just this book. Overall, it has been mostly positive, you know. I got to talk about things without having to make it a weird public announcement thing. It’s not like I want to give a press conference about the pride of back then and Nance does a way better job of talking about it and I feel like Jon’s photographs say a lot more than me talking about it.”

The photographs are very powerful at points, I have to agree, but I am still curious about what he thinks of the book and his life on display in a way it hasn’t been before. So, I ask if he has a favorite part. He laughs at that, a little sheepishly and jokes:

“That’s like forcing a parent to chose a kid, I think. They’ve done a great job in showing us in everything we did.”

Then he gets a little more serious as he says:

“I do appreciate them putting in my uncle Wayne. Nancy asked everyone what parts we wanted in the book and what parts we didn’t, I told her I’d love it if Wayne got a shout out and she did more than that. She worked with me to make those two pages, to make sure he was there properly.

Uncle Wayne did as much for me as Stevie did, you know. He was my rock and I wanted him to be remembered right. He never was a man of many words or anything, but he was always there. He took care of me and Steve when we got kicked out and he worked hard to put me through school and he made sure I felt normal. That it was okay to be a gay kid in Indiana and that I wasn’t going to die before reaching twenty-five. It might seem insane to think now, but that was just the way it was back then. If you were queer, you weren’t getting old. But Wayne did.”

He wipes away moisture in his eyes and I pretend not to see it. A grin is back on his face in no time and he lightens the mood by saying:

“Though I think I’m required to say my wedding is my favorite part. I love the real wedding we did in 2015, but that first fake one was special. It wasn’t big or anything, but everyone we cared about was there and it made us feel connected, like it was truly permanent. Like we could have that in a time where it seemed the world would rather see us gone. It felt like a powerful fuck you and I’ve always loved that.”

I smile at that, a powerful fuck you seems to be very fitting for the man in front of me. Even in casual clothes, he looks like he could fight you and win, yet also comfort you when you need it.

This has given me the opportunity to ask about one of the wedding photos that has intrigued me ever since reading the book. It is called “I Knew They Would Get Along” and is of the couple with Dustin, one of their friends, now professor at Stanford.

“Oh yeah, that’s a funny story,” Eddie tells me with delight. “Me and Stevie ran in very different circles back in school. Despite sharing a senior year, we never really talked until after. He babysat Dustin and the other twerps, I ran the DnD club they all joined when they got there. Dustin pestered us for months to just try and see if we would get along. We both refused. It wasn’t until spring break ‘86 that we actually talked and it was sparks from the start.”

Seeing how he talks about his husband it is almost impossible to imagine him being anything other than 100% infatuated, but he looks to be truthful.

With the mention of that spring break, I can’t help but ask after the allegations that he was proven to be innocent of and the injuries he sustained during it in the earthquake that hit the town after. He has been private about it in the past, so I know I’m pushing my luck.

Indeed he closes off and just says he doesn’t want to talk about it and his tone indicates that he means it and I will be cut short if I ask further. So, instead I ask about other parts of the book, namely Corroded Coffin’s start in Boston.

“Boston was great. It wasn’t Detroit, Cleveland or LA, but it was better than the small bar we used to play at in front of the local drunks that’s for sure. We already knew we were going to Boston in the 80s, most of the guys studied there for a bit, before dropping out. I knew Robs was hoping to get into a program there and where Robbie goes, Steve goes and where Steve goes, I go. If we wanted Corroded Coffin to continue, we’d go with them to whatever big city they ended up in.”

The book also showed to the close friendship between Eddie’s husband, Steve, and Robin Munson, a linguist. Even now, the rockstar shares a house with Steve’s practical other half and her wife, Rose. I ask him if that was ever hard or cause friction between them.

“No are you kidding?” Eddie practically laughs in my face, not out of malice, but out of disbelief. “I already knew the two were a package deal when I started dating Steve. Besides, Robin is a blast too. She’s fucking hilarious and has great taste in music. In fact, it has always been comforting to know I wasn’t leaving Stevie by himself when I was out touring. I mean, I was best man at their wedding, it was never a thing between us.”

I ask if it isn’t weird to not have the house alone, but share it with another couple.

“Nah, man. Like I said, I love Robs and Rose is amazing too. The two are family. I would let everyone of my family live with me as long as they want. They’re my people and I love having them around. It’s nice to have more people in the house, I wouldn’t know what to do if it was quiet and empty all the time. We often host DnD one shots or movie nights here, it’s great.”

The game is mentioned quite a bit in the book and is well known now, but they never spoke about playing it in their heyday and I ask whether they’ve gotten reactions to it with their new popularity.

“Yeah, it’s nice. A lot of people are excited that we seem to play, it’s cool to see how much more popular it has become and how many people find the same excitement in it as we do. Playing DnD was different back then. When we started it was in the height of the Satanic Panic and we were branded as freaks for it, so I guess that stuck with us. We didn’t want to loose cool points and reveal we played games on the tour bus, though our manager did tell a few people about it. I think Gar convinced a few paps we were obsessed with Ludo for a little bit. That was hilarious.”

At that I ask if there was a lot they had to hide that they don’t now. There is of course Eddie’s sexuality and that of Gareth, which Eddie comments on:

“Hiding is part of being a celebrity, if you don’t want people judging your every move or shunning you for inane shit then you have to keep some shit to yourself. It can also make you go off the rails to have nothing to yourself, but never talking about our sexuality was hard, you know.

For me it was something I wanted to share. I wanted to tell the world about my baby and how happy he made me, but I never could. I couldn’t tell them I didn’t sleep with that model and no, Robin wasn’t my secret wife. Or that I didn’t like the way girls would flirt with me, because I was happily taken and that I didn’t know what to do with the bras people threw at me or the panties they made me sign or how they’d offer themselves up for a one night stand.

Management would’ve killed me if I breathed a word of that and it was constricting at points. It’s what I hated the most about being famous, always having to be careful about being watched when I was with Steve outside. I already didn’t have every day with him and I couldn't even cling to him 24/7 without being scared.

I think it’s really cool how we have openly queer celebrities now. I know it seems silly to younger audiences, but that wasn’t a thing. Not really. I only came out in 2001 and it didn’t go over well with many, many people. The closest thing I got is all the songs I wrote about Steve that were either subtle or had switched pronouns.”

In response to that, I ask him if he has anything to say about what it was like being queer when he was young. The book shows a great deal, but I am curious what Eddie himself has to say about the experience.

“As a kid it was mostly scary. Like I said, Satanic Panic was happening, not to mention AIDS. It was terrifying. I count my blessings every day that I didn’t have to loose anyone close to me to it, but it was just horrible how the scene seemingly got smaller and smaller as more people dropped like flies. It just made me so frustrated and angry that the government wasn’t doing anything. A lot of people were mad.

I really love the photos Jon took back then. He has this way of capturing moments, people as they drop pretenses or show who they are. He has an eye for it and that makes his photography so powerful or intimate. They show that those prides were protests. We had to be proud of who we were and stand together, because it would all go to shit otherwise.

Community is so important. I have always found great solace in being surrounded by others like me. I think that you can see it in all my show clothes how much of my inspiration came from the leather scene I’m a part of. A lot of metal style has roots in the leather scene. People often don’t realize because it turned homophobic later on, but metal has always been very queer.”

This seems like the best moment to bring up the arrest photos. The book gives a little context about it, but I ask Eddie what happened anyway.

“Robs was being totally metal and part of the tits out dyke crew, they were the best, but definitely a risk. When she was at risk Steve decided to be a diversion to make sure she could get out. He figured her scholarship and future were more important than his job right now.

Nancy saw Steve getting arrested first and went to argue with the police, but they weren’t listening to her. Sexist pigs honestly. I threw my argument in as well, but I was just another crazy fag in leather with long hair that they didn’t like the look off. And I never go without a fight, I stopped running in 1986 and I haven’t looked back. In this country that means getting a few punches to the face, Nancy joined the fight, got hit too and arrested. At this point, I consider us lucky to have come out of that encounter alive.”

The story is humbling to me and I sit in silence for a second. Eddie seems to notice that I don’t know where to go from here, so he just grins:

“Don’t worry. Just don’t talk to cops and demand a lawyer, cooperate enough to be safe and memorize the phone number of someone you trust and don’t bring your own cell with you. I’m not likely to get arrested again and for it to go bad. Times have changed, different groups are now a target than me. I guess that makes me lucky, but it just all sucks. Tell your readers to keep voting and keep being vocal.”

I promise him I’ll put it in there and then stiltedly change the topic to ask about the addiction he kicked. Corroded Coffin spoke about it at the time that they were trying to quit smoking, but never went beyond that. The book shows a little bit more.

“Quitting is fucking hard. I haven’t smoked a cigarette in twenty-three years and I still sometimes think about it. But I don’t regret stopping for a second. My lungs will never be the same, but I saw uncle Wayne die a slow death to lung cancer, I don’t ever want to put my family through seeing me like that.

Like, if anyone out there smokes or vapes, cut that shit out. It’s not worth it, I promise. In the long run, it’s not going to make you happy and it can only be bad for you. Trust me, you don’t want to go through that. Find people who support your quitting and buckle in for months of hell.”

He looks very intense, but quickly shifts back into a charismatic face when he is done with his spiel. It’s wild how easily he moves between faces, while being totally genuine. Eddie Munson is a fluid and fascinating entity and I understand how he captured the interest of many when he first rose to stardom.

There is only enough time for one last question, so I ask him what is in the future for him right now. It gets me a big smile as Eddie answers:

“Right now, I’m going to wave you goodbye in a few minutes, then wake Stevie up from his nap. We’ve been re-reading the Lord of the Rings together, so we’ll cozy up on the couch. Then, before the kids get here, we’ll make them some snacks, listen to how their days have been. If needed I’ll try to help them with homework, even though I’m useless at it. Robs and Rose will be home soon after, we’ll make dinner together, I’m sure Robin will complain about her coworker again and then tonight I am going to call the little shits. It’s Tuesdays, we always try to call on Tuesday.

I’m living a slow domestic life, man, and I am content. In my future are hopefully many more slow days.”

I thank him for his time and shake his hand. He gets up and shakes mine, thanking me in turn for not minding to come out here and tells me I was a pleasure to have over. Then he does as promised and waves me goodbye.

As I walk over the driveway, I mull over the conversation we’ve just had. Eddie Munson is not what I expected him to be like, but in a good way. I am very curious to see where his newfound visibility in the public eye will lead. Something tells me, we haven’t seen the last of this rockstar, even in his newfound domesticity.

~~

A/N:

This whole work is finding a balance between Eddie being a supportive friend and trying not to sound too egotistical/arrogant about my own work lmao (and like shoving my own opinions down everyone’s throat, sorry xp)

[jbaileyfansite]

Interview for 'Out Magazine' for Fellow Travelers (2023)

Starting in 1950, hundreds to thousands of gay men and lesbians were fired from government jobs for allegations of homosexuality under the intrusive eyes of Sen. Joseph McCarthy and his chief counsel, Roy Cohn. They were labeled deviants and morally weak. McCarthy and Cohn said that gay people couldn’t be trusted with your children, let alone to run your country. It’s shockingly similar to what’s happening today.

By 1953, President Dwight Eisenhower signed Executive Order 10450, which barred homosexuals from working in the federal government. Five thousand people were not just fired but were outed to their families and communities, effectively and in some cases literally ending their lives. More followed. It wasn’t until the 1970s that this policy barring gay people from federal jobs started to change, and not until 1998 that it completely ended.

In Fellow Travelers, an eight-episode series airing on Showtime this fall, actors Matt Bomer and Jonathan Bailey play Hawk Fuller and Tim Laughlin, two men who meet while working in Washington, D.C., at the start of McCarthyism. They fall in love. For Hawk, this means living an existence of discipline and barriers, hiding who he is so he can build a life working in the government. For Tim, it means losing his career and finding a path that allows him to follow his truth.

In order to survive, Hawk and Tim form a chosen family with two other gay men swept up in the big political and cultural changes happening: journalist Marcus Hooks (Jelani Alladin) and drag-queen-turned-activist Frankie Hines (Noah J. Ricketts). Throughout the four decades covered in the series, the four men come back into each other’s lives when things get hardest. For the four out stars of the show, forming that kind of found family was important in order to be able to play some of the most complex and challenging (but rewarding) roles of their careers. That family found its leader in Bomer, a veteran actor (Magic Mike, The Normal Heart). Bailey, an English actor with an extensive background in theater, is internationally famous as the male lead in season 2 of Netflix’s Bridgerton. Alladin (Frozen) and Ricketts (Frozen, Beautiful: The Carole King Musical) are known for their Broadway roles.

“Matt is such a giver, and he gave to all of us and provided the space for all of us to feel safe, to feel that we can make bold choices and that we can all play along,” Alladin says, thanking Bomer. “And it really connected everybody on set to say, to trust each other. Rarely do I feel like there’s a circle of four queer men or four queer bodies and I feel like we can all say, ‘I would fall on a sword for you.’”

For Bomer and Bailey, that also meant building the kind of trust that allowed them to film some sex scenes that are among the hottest in the careers of two men who have filmed a lot of heated moments. “It’s funny, isn’t it? Personally, when I read the script, I didn’t think it was explicit,” Bailey laughs. “I think it’s so important. You can’t tell the queer love story and not show how the sex is so intrinsic.”

“It’s all something that is hard to talk about to people who come together and have separate bodies,” he adds. “But if you exist in the same body, how you negotiate that and what that means, how being submissive [affects sex], and well, really what is kink…. It’s all a thing. I just think it’s a really hearty and honest examination of something which I know I’ve always yearned to see properly explored.”

Bomer says they were able to explore that because they had conversations throughout filming the scenes. “We could call audibles on the fly or really communicate with each other or say we wanted to try this or that, so it all felt pretty free,” he says. “And in terms of the story, all those scenes really carry the story forward. Their relationships are not the same after those above scenes as they were before. So they’re all intrinsic and inherent to the story.”

“I think it’s so nuanced and personal, isn’t it? The way that people have sex is so presumed,” Bailey says. “It definitely was the first time that I’ve seen a light being shown on the roles within a gay relationship and power and status with being submissive and dominant.”

“But to me, what I find interesting, it’s a give and take between the two,” he continues. “So actually it’s not one person going, ‘I’m now going to do this.’ It’s like they move as a unit. And I think that’s beautiful. And I feel like it always is negotiation, and I’m always interested in people who identify as one role, and I would wonder what that is.”

He points to the first time Hawk and Tim have sex, where Hawk takes on the dominant (top) role, and the last time, when Tim takes charge. “Literally, it’s a complete reversal,” he points out. “It’s a love story. So that bleeds into these scenes. So even in the way they have sex, it’s always about generosity and communication. And that is essentially how I feel how this whole show was made on generosity and communication and truth.”

While the sexual intimacy is groundbreaking in the show, the intimacy is there for the characters in other ways too. Because the actors played the characters throughout four decades of their lives, they were presented with a unique opportunity to showcase development — especially for Alladin and Ricketts, who know the importance of showing Black queer love on screen.

“There’s also something so powerful in telling this story to the world right now in hope of either educating or simply revealing to those who don’t understand that love can happen in all shapes, sizes, and forms, and be inside of all people,” Alladin says. “And that it should not be something that is limited by law or limited by the venom of segregation.”

“For me, some of the intimacy that I enjoy the most in this series is when we’re all old,” he continues. “Because they’re still caring for one another. I’ll never forget shooting that scene in the bedroom in one of the later episodes where we’re at age 80 and we’re still connected, we’re still loving each other. That’s something I’ve never seen — caring that lasts through decades.”

For Ricketts, playing the role of a Black gay man who is a drag performer in an illegal gay bar in the ’50s and then becomes an activist and organizer throughout the rest of his life, caused him to look at his own life and priorities.

“I think there’s something so beautiful and beautifully hard about being yourself in a world that is determined to hate you,” Ricketts says. “And playing Frankie, a character that was out and loud and proud with a glossy lip and a painted nail. It really forced me to look inward at the way I moved through the world and see if I’m coming out authentically, if I’m moving in the world authentically. And so I hope that as people watch this, they ask themselves that question so we can break down these barriers of hypermasculinity and feeling like we have to change who we are to subscribe to societal norms.”

“I think living out loud and living as an effeminate person in the world, you put on a type of armor,” he continues. “There is a lot of fear underneath that. And even though to the external world, you’re going out there being brave, what I tried to show was that it’s actually a really difficult thing to stand up and be yourself. There’s a lot of emotion underneath that. And so I think throughout the years, you beat someone down one time and you get stronger the next time. And I think that’s what you see in Frankie’s evolution.”

“It’s amazing to see how much [Frankie’s] priorities shift as the world shifts through the decades. And I think that’s what I responded to so much, is that my character Frankie gives up, puts his heels away to fight the good fight and to make a better existence for the people that come after him,” he says. “And I think that’s something that’s so real for queer people that it’s a call to action. We don’t have the luxury of hanging back. We have to fight for everything that we have.”

That fight became even more real for each of the actors the more they learned about the real Lavender Scare — the aforementioned persecution of queer people in the U.S. government — a history lesson that’s not taught in most schools. “I had no idea it was a thing, and I was embarrassed by that,” Alladin admits. “I was ashamed of that. Why was that chapter skipped in the history books? Why not in social studies class? It is 101, and here we are staring in the mirror being like, Well, did anything change? Well, no. Because we didn’t teach it. We haven’t taught it. So therefore, how can you learn the lesson?”

“I think there’s so much erasure that happens of queer history in general that I’m happy this exists because it forces people to ask the question, Did this really happen? And to seek out answers for themselves,” Ricketts adds. “And the answer is, ‘Yeah, it’s real.’ And it’s happening again today. So yeah, call to action, babies!”

“A lot of the transformations that we’ve seen in the community come from Black and brown bodies that really put themselves out on the street and out on the front lines to fight the fight. And so that’s something that I knew, but it’s amazing to see that it didn’t just happen at Stonewall, it happened in San Francisco and other places with the street queens, that they were out there really going to jail, fighting for their lives so that we could have what we have today,” he says. “And I just think it’s so beautiful to show that. I’m happy that it’s represented.”

Before the July photo shoot for this article, Alladin and Bailey had the chance to go to London Pride together, something both actors say they’ll never forget. “I think it was really crazy to have to experience Pride in New York City and to land in London and experience Pride in London and feel that it’s almost exactly the same,” Alladin says. “There’s a need to release joy. There’s a need to feel that. The world is trying to squish it out of the community with every law that’s being passed, every kind of denial of existence. And you’re like, I just want to enjoy one day.”

Bailey says that working on the show has made him more aware of the political fervor at Pride than any time he’s been previously, and it’s causing him to examine how he uses his platform to fight for LGBTQ+ rights. And Bomer also felt that this year’s Pride was a special one — particular in the wake of Supreme Court decisions that struck down affirmative action and opened the door to businesses discriminating against LGBTQ+ people.

“In light of the past week in all the Supreme Court rulings, it was so important for me personally yesterday just to go out into the streets and take in the Pride celebrations and the sense of community and hope and joy and love that everyone was feeling,” he says. “And to allow that to fill my cup a little bit and inspire me to educate myself and form myself to do what I can and keep moving forward and in the most productive way possible for our community.”

Bomer also wants to make sure he honors those who fought to get us where we are today. “I was fortunate enough to be in Houston last week for the 20th anniversary of Lawrence v. Texas [the SCOTUS ruling invalidating U.S. sodomy laws], and it was so profound for me to meet members of the community in Houston who I was totally unaware of,” he says. “There are generations of heroes who are doing the real grassroots behind-the-scenes work who don’t want accolades, who don’t want awards, who are doing the real work that’s changing all of our lives. And I think I value that today more than I ever have before.”

“For me, I think Pride is always a time to reflect on how far we’ve come but also to realize how much further we have to go,” Ricketts says. “And I think that’s what I’d say to the younger communities, is really understand and know how we got here in the first place and figure out what your form of fighting is. If it’s just showing up in the world authentically as you, that’s wonderful. If it’s getting on a podium and preaching until midnight, that’s wonderful too. But we all need each other and no one can sit back and rest. We have to keep fighting in the fight.”

Talking about queer joy as a form of activism at Pride makes Alladin think of a note he was given during filming from series creator Ron Nyswaner (Philadelphia) about the balance of difficulty and joy found in the series.

“Ron gave me a note one day,” Alladin recalls. “I texted him being like, ‘I’m watching all this research on the ’80s and the AIDS crisis and I’m just sitting here crying.’ He was like, ‘Yeah, but Jelani, I still went to birthday parties. I still found a way to play games with my friends. I still found a way to have a beer and enjoy that.’ So there is still some semblance of light being found in darkness and chaos.”

“When I was in Houston, I was at home with one of the activists and he was showing me pictures from the time period,” Bomer contributes. “And obviously, there was so much heartbreak and loss, but there was also so much celebration and so much joy. It’s really the balance.”

Source

[sky-neverending]

redoing this bc i want to!! This is how I think the Stranger Things characters would identify in a modern day setting (bc back then they wouldn't have really known about all the labels.)

Will- Gay, he/him. Experimented with he/they and didn't mind it, but he/him fits him better. Likes expressing himself through eyeliner and eyeshadow on the occasion. (Eddie and Max taught him)

Mike- After a lot of struggle deciding between bi and gay, he settled for queer as an overarching label, uses he/him pronouns. Had a crush on Eddie at one point. Dating Will.

Lucas- Straight but not afraid to point out another mans attractiveness. Very comfortable in himself. Uses he/they pronouns just because he can.

Dustin- Bi with a heavy preference for women. He/him pronouns for loves Drag Race and starts experimenting with drag because of it.

Max- Queer, attracted to all genders. uses she/they pronouns but doesn't mind he/him as well.

El- Panromantic and asexual, uses she/her pronouns.

Robin- Lesbian, uses she/they pronouns.

Steve- Bisexual, uses he/him but is also experimenting with she/her. at the end of the day he doesn't care, he just likes to feel pretty sometimes.

Eddie- Gay! He/him (can't decide if I headcanon him trans or not, could go either way depending on the story.)

Nancy- Bisexual, she/her. Thought about they/them but decided she liked she/her better.

Jonathan- Demiromantic Demisexual, they/he

Argyle- Pansexual, he/him (same w Eddie, could be trans depending on how I'm feeling tbh)

Chrissy- Lesbian, she/her

Vickie- Bisexual, she/her

if i forgot anyone, sorry! I'm not doing the parents rn but if you want to see them, I will! Also thinking about assigning them each a favorite piece of queer media? look out for that cause idk i think it might be fun!

[chirpsythismorning]

Saying gay Mike would be hated by the ga bc that would mean that he used El all those years, is homophobic, just like saying bi-Mike would be hated by the ga bc that would mean he could have just stayed with El if he is also attracted to girls, is biphobic.

Bylers using either of these as the basis for why their interpretation is most likely to play out in canon, just makes me cringe bc why are we even wasting time giving validation to homophobia/biphobia as having the last word for how the show has to play out?? Is that what it all comes down to then? Appeasing bigots??

Gays aren’t evil or trying to intentionally hurt others, least of all gay kids that are figuring out their sexuality. Let’s not act like being gay wasn’t seen as being broken or needing to to be fixed, meaning that going along with what society views as normal, was and still is seen as the only option for queer people in general. And I say queer people in general bc you don’t necessarily have to even be gay to experience questioning your sexuality and feeling like you have to do things because everyone else is. Arguably we all go through that! But especially gays in the 80’s bc for a lot of people back then, it was a matter of blending in to survive (for many it still is).

Bisexuals aren’t evil or trying to intentionally hurt others for falling out of love, losing feelings, or just merely not being attracted to/compatible with someone of the opposite sex. Straight people are capable of recognizing that they aren’t attracted to or compatible with every person they meet of the opposite sex. Does any of that make them less straight? No. So why is it so hard to understand it’s the same way for bisexuals and even queer people in general? Nobody, bisexual or otherwise should have to stay in relationships with someone they no longer have romantic feelings for, just bc they’re attracted to them or even were just confused and thought they were but it ended up not being enough?? Attraction is important, yes, but feelings are arguably even more so (especially when you have something else to compare it to, causing the dilemma in the first place). I mean look at Stancy/Jancy? Is Nancy viewed as problematic for being attracted to Steve and having deep feelings/being attracted to Jonathan, and having conflicting feelings about that? No! And so why should it be problematic for Mike?

The reality is, homophobes are going to hate Mike if he comes out as queer, regardless of whether he is revealed to be gay, bi or unlabeled.

This is why basing Mike’s sexuality on the backlash of bigoted audiences’ is a moot point to me.

I mean, as it is, most of the general audience already hates Mike as a result of his behavior in s3-4, and this is straight Mike we’re talking about! I’m obviously not referring to milkvans or Redditors, bc they only make up a minority of hardcore fans who hate byler and will defend Mike to the point of demonizing El. I’m talking about viewers that have seen the show once through each time a new season releases and then move on afterwards without being in online spaces. That is the majority. The majority of the general audience, homophobic or otherwise, does not like Mike anyways at this point. So, who the hell cares what they think about queer Mike in the end??? They’re already anticipating going into s5 and continuing to dislike him, so the argument that the show can’t do this or that bc those same people won’t like him?… That ship has already sailed.

If anything I could see the non-homophobic majority accepting queer Mike, regardless of what label he ends up identifying with, bc then at least it will finally give them some clarity about where that resentment they had for him was coming from, ie misunderstanding him completely and now finally getting some answers.

At the end of the day, bigots will do what they do best. They’ll make up any reason they can think of for why queer Mike is wrong. And so why should we base our interpretation of things on what will be more palatable to those that the show was never intended for in the first place?

[paladibun]

personal gay/bi mike ramblings & other late night thoughts //

Been thinking about how I relate way more to gay Mike as a bi dude rather than to bi Mike. (This isn’t whos interpretation is right or anything) I’ve seen the post that was like both gay byler would portray different experiences under one label and show that no label outright owns a specific experience. A bi Mike’s arc would be more about choices in relation to others with less introspection and a gay Mike’s arc would explain internal turmoil and self depreciation in relation to a queer identity and the need to hide it, which would require more of it . And ofc gay people don’t own this flavor of experience but in Mike’s case would explain his actions if under that lense for me personally. Also noticed the later headcanon is more prevalent for those with a bigger Mike bias than Will which is interesting.

Also thinking about what a mess or I guess how much ambiguity there is in both Will & Mike’s characterization when it comes to their relation to their sexualities which ultimately causes people to develop strong opinions and get angry when people get their arcs or dynamics wrong. The thing is that the Duffers like ambiguity - it gives them freedom and they also don’t like to state things outright when it comes to identities and very important sociopolitical issues while trying to be “realistic” /half-neg ( ex: Karen & Nancy talking about feminism without mentioning women, the way Robin’s coming out was handled without mentioning any gay words while the show is comfortable using homophobic words )

Anyway almost got heated on a completely separate topic.

It is sometimes confusing as to what is meant to be presented as a “Will Arc” and a “Mike Arc” On the one hand Will struggles from overt homophobia from others and from Lonnie growing up, on the other hand he has Joyce, Jonathan, Mike, and the party who adore him and while I doubt Will understands that they would accept him no matter what, there’s definitely an earlier self acceptance in his identity as a hyper-visible gay man(you can see it with the Turing Project & the bravery with the painting). I define internalized homophobia as “a set of complex contradicting behaviors based on society’s homophobia and heteronormative pressures” and some people define it as “being sad that people are being homophobic to someone” I think both Will and Mike have degrees of both and sometimes it’s hard to see how much of either both characters have. And for Mike, it solely depends on how you read his sexuality thus explaining his actions and feelings. Again, it is vague which I think is humanizing and realistic.

I won’t touch the dynamics topic until the tag evolves beyond late stage fandom spoon/fork binarization of gay relationships but just noting that aspect of byler isn’t void of complexity.

One last thought for the night:

Just looking at the fandom and noticing unfortunate patterns. Mainly the desire to be right above all else and largely at the expense of collective fun and creativity which is like the main point of fandom. I think it comes mostly from having to fight the GA and m*levens to prove we aren’t crazy (insert Joyce Byers gif here) a year ago and that mentality sticking for way too long. Like the desire to to defend your thoughts and feel your feelings strongly about a topic is amazing and is another big fandom driver but at some point people getting angry for fanon, headcanons, people having fun making things in a way that isn’t popular loud accounts approved is honestly concerning. I see it a lot from the side I agree with too and it’s like. We can do better right? Not everything needs to be activism tinged?

Anyway anyway thanks for reading this far I’m passing the whole fandom edibles as we collectively rewatch the source material and resetting our very “seeing red at posts we disagree with” adled brains. 💕

[skepsiss]

Tooth and Nail pt4

Eddie is catching feeeeeeellllliinngg. He has more or less accepted that he is probably queer, but is still unsure of how he feels about Steve specifically. Join me for a very wise conversation with Argyle.

CW: Drug use (weed), scars/description of uncomfortable healing process.

PT1 PT2 PT3

-- Eddie sat crouched on the Wheeler’s basement floor, the chatter and din of music surrounding him. It was a small gathering, currently, and Eddie knew all of these people, but he felt weird about being here still. Not because he hadn’t been invited, or because he didn’t like the people here, but he felt weirdly… self-conscious. 

Robin had given him side-eye when he walked in, but that had been the worst of it. He was sure Steve had talked to her about everything and he didn’t know how forgiving Robin felt about the whole ordeal. He had been avoiding her just as much as he had been avoiding Steve. He was still working his way out of the dog-house though and it felt like Robin’s judgement of how he could prove he was sorry was a bit harsher than Steve’s.

No, there was no real reason to be feeling out of place, but Eddie still did as he nursed a beer and sat on the outskirts of the party. 

They were all gathered around the couch with Jonathan, Nancy, Argyle and Vicki on the couch and then Steve, Robin and Eddie seated on the floor. There was a little side table between Eddie and Steve, and Steve was more than engaged with whatever they were talking about, but Eddie wasn’t really paying attention. Instead he had his knees pinned to his chest and he kept resting his chin between his legs and half watching Vicki talking animatedly about something. His gaze always drifted back towards Steve though and he caught himself staring before redirecting his attention. 

Eddie hadn’t told anyone in the party that he suspected that he was queer and he was sure that Steve hadn’t told anyone either–well, anyone other than Robin. He didn’t really begrudge Steve for telling Robin, but besides that no one else knew. It didn’t matter… not really, they all knew that Steve was bisexual and they even had Robin and her would-be-girlfriend over. They knew Robin was gay, they all knew, it was fine. Jonathan still adored his brother no matter what and Will was gay… no, Eddie wasn’t worried about them not accepting him. He was just figuring it out still and he wasn’t really sure how to go about talking about it or what label to put on. That and… he kept finding himself distracted by Steve. 

Eddie had focused so much on the I’m not queer aspect of the past 2 weeks, that his one week of rest had only given him momentary peace before he had the realization that if he was queer that didn’t mean he had an open invitation to kiss Steve. It wasn’t like people who were queer made out with one another instantly upon figuring out the other one was gay–there was still that whole level of… liking one another.

There were plenty of girls that Eddie had met and he hadn’t the vaguest interest in them. But girls were girls–they were all gorgeous–and he couldn’t really say he had ever experienced a girl coming onto him first but that was to be expected, especially in Hawkins Indiana. Okay, well, maybe he had also never really liked anyone that much before and he had only really kissed a few girls here and there. He had been ga-ga over some chick at a concert he went to down in Kentucky, but they hadn’t exchanged numbers or anything like that even if they had sucked face. So he liked girls, it was just… he hadn’t really gotten past the whole making-out part. He’d kissed like maybe 3 girls in his life and then… Steve. 

All of that was weird to think about and Eddie wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He didn’t like Steve–well, he liked Steve, but he didn’t like him. Steve and him were buddies and…

You kiss all your friends when you’re high?

Gareth’s question cropped up in his mind and Eddie grumbled quietly to himself, which accidentally made Steve look at him. 

Eddie smiled and ruffled his own bangs, trying to hide his blush and his awkwardness behind his hair. “You cool with heading down to the store now?” Robin asked, looking at her watch as she kicked her feet a bit and looked up at Nancy. “Yeah, for sure. We can walk over, grab some stuff,” she shrugged, standing up and initiated the march. “Mind if we…” Jonathan asked, raising his fingers to his mouth with a question which got an eye roll from Nancy. “Vicki are you…” Nancy asked, looking at her as Vicki helped Robin up onto her feet. She looked surprised to be spoken to before nodding and giving her reassurance. “Oh, yeah, for sure. If you guys want to smoke, that’s fine,” she replied. Eddie sort of reacted slowly and was the last one to his feet, his sudden scrambling meant he was already falling behind as he put his half finished beer on the table. There was motion beside him and he glanced to see Steve stretching his hand down to help him to his feet.

Eddie pinched his lips together and hesitated before accepting the gesture, letting Steve haul him to his feet. 

“You good?” Steve asked quietly, he wasn’t whispering but he was keeping his voice low so as to not draw attention to them. “No, yeah–” Eddie replied, sounding surprised before he remembered to laugh. He knitted his fingers behind his head, smiling goofily at Steve to reassure him. “A walk’ll do be good… do me good–uh, just distracted.” Steve seemed reassured by that and nodded before catching up to Robin and Vicki who were already out of the basement door. 

Eddie followed behind slowly, keeping up with the party but lagging behind a bit as Nancy chatted with Vicki up front and Robin and Steve followed behind. 

Jonathan and Argyle were already lighting up, chatting between one another before passing the blunt forward for Steve to partake. Nancy and Robin seemed to be abstaining, but Vicki didn’t turn the weed down as she continued her conversation. 

It was all so… friendly. It was nice, in an odd kind of way, like looking through a window. It just… felt difficult to engage with them all properly. He just kept letting his gaze linger on the back of Steve’s head, or his profile when he turned to joke with someone. He was the odd-man-out. No matter how you sliced it everyone had someone to walk with. Nancy seemed to be befriending Vicki quickly, and Vicki could always drop back to talk to Robin. Steve could walk with Robin or Nancy and then Jonathan could mingle in with any of them–he was the odd one out in a group of seven.

Eddie noticed when Argyle started to lag behind, adjusting his step and holding the joint out toward Eddie. He didn’t refuse it and took the blunt as Argyle fell into step beside him. “You okay back here, metal-man?” Argyle asked, smiling in a way which made Eddie laugh. Metal-man, cute. “Yeah, better now,” Eddie said, gesturing with the blunt and forcing a smile as he took a drag and passed it back to Argyle. He expected him to take the hit and then meander to the group, but Argyle hung back as he pulled on the joint. “You’re quiet today, you know?” Argyle continued, his tone slow and methodical. 

Eddie had never really met someone like Argyle before–the proper hippie type. All the druggies he knew were too wired, violent or baked past being able to hold a conversation. 

“I know,” Eddie replied, not feeling it in himself to act energetic and lie as he accepted another hit.

“Hmmm,” Argyle hummed, sounding as if he was considering something very wise. It made Eddie snort a bit, raising his brow at the younger. 

“Contemplation,” he finished, nodding as if he understood perfectly what was going on. 

Eddie stared at him a moment and then snorted again, smoking quickly before passing the blunt back over. They continued like that, passing the smoke between them without needing to ask. “Life and existence and all that,” Eddie said a bit sarcastically, not really taking anything Argyle was saying seriously. 

“Hey, man, don’t knock it,” Argyle hummed, closing his eyes as he smoked, “contemplation, being present with your thoughts and your emotions… it’s like breathing in for the soul.”

Eddie wasn’t really sure what to say to that or how to take any of those words. They sounded meaningful, but at the same time they sounded like bullshit.

“You get that from a fortune cookie?” Eddie asked, smiling and wanting to be a bit jokey instead of serious. He didn’t even know Argyle that well. 

“You guys have a Chinese food place around here?” 

Eddie laughed, not sure if Argyle was serious but the response was more than a little ridiculous. 

“No, man, not in Hawkins, you’d have to go to the city,” Eddie chuckled, feeling a touch better with the mixture of weed and conversation. “Ah, there,” Argyle said, smiling which made Eddie watch him a bit nervously.

There, what? He thought, glancing behind him for whatever reason to make sure he hadn’t missed observing something. 

“Breathing in. Laughter is the best for that,” Argyle explained, still smiling. 

“I thought contemplation was…”

“No, contemplation is just the vehicle man, the goal is joy. Like riding down a smooth highway on your way to an uncharted land. You can get stuck, contemplating too long, that’s why you gotta breathe in and laugh, put some proper motion back into locomotion.”

“Loko-motion,” Eddie replied quietly, not able to help the joke. It took Argyle a moment, but he laughed and pointed at Eddie as if to wag his finger. “Good one, good one,” he breathed and Eddie couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face for making Argyle laugh properly. It had been a stupid joke, but he always felt better when he made someone laugh. 

Argyle was right though… the goal was joy. That was such a weird way for Eddie to think about it though. Things seemed too complicated for that to be the only answer, and honestly he didn’t really know how to get there. How did you just… go toward joy? How did you do that?

“Say…” Eddie started, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. “This highway… say it’s a bumpy ride. Treacherous even… how are you supposed to know you’re moving towards joy if every route feels like you’re… going to drive off a cliff.” 

Argyle hummed in contemplation over that, actually considering what Eddie had said as if it was a real question. Eddie didn’t mind talking in metaphors, but he usually did it for story telling not… conversations. 

“Do you know the cliff is bad?” Argyle asked, nodding his head slowly.

“Historically, jumping off a cliff is bad,” Eddie corrected, which made Argyle laugh a bit again. 

“I dunno, man. Maybe you’re not driving a car. Maybe you’re meant to go off the cliff because it’s the only way you’ll catch air. You’re meant to fly.”

“That could be really dangerous advice to the wrong person,” Eddie questioned, raising a brow at Argyle as he continued to hum thoughtfully. 

“True, true… but it’s not a real cliff. Not even a real highway or car or whatever. It’s all just fabricated, man. It all is,” Argyle gestured around him as he spoke, indicating toward the street and the houses they walked past. “It’s all in our heads no matter how we look at it, ain’t no danger in listening to where your mind wants to go. So long as you’re not hurting anyone else.” 

Eddie frowned at that, not sure if he liked the advice or not, or if it was even considered real advice. He was right though, the cliff or the highway or whatever the hell else was all in his head no matter what. It was all in his head. He was the one making the road bumpy. 

Argyle smoked the rest of the joint as the two of them fell into silence, just walking behind the rest of the party out of earshot. Argyle didn’t push it and Eddie appreciated that as he felt his mind slow down a bit. Smooth sailing. A smooth ride down the highway to joy. 

“Something wrong with Steve?” Argyle asked after a long pause. It caught Eddie’s attention right away though and he looked at Argyle sharply. 

“Huh?” He was totally caught off guard by the question, his face flushing a bit. “Steve, something wrong? You sure are staring at him a lot tonight.”

Eddie felt his face heat up more and he turned his attention towards the ground, his hands stuffed in his pockets as he felt shame wash over him. He hadn’t realized he was staring again, he hadn’t meant to. 

“No, no, he’s fine,” Eddie answered, his words a bit jumbled as he rubbed at his lips. “Okay,” Argyle replied easily, again, not pushing it. 

“We…” Eddie started to say, not sure why he was sharing with Argyle of all people. “We… uh… we got into a bit of a fight the other week.” “Bummer,” Argyle nodded, frowning to give his sympathies. “We made up,” Eddie corrected quickly which had Argyle smiling instead, still nodding his head. 

“He just… he said he was willing to let me make it up to him,” Eddie replied, only telling half the truth. He was unsure how to bridge the topic within himself still, let alone with someone like Argyle. “I just don’t… really know how to do that,” Eddie continued, frowning as he said the words out loud. He had never voiced his concerns and they felt real now that he had said them. It felt bad and better all at once; as if the scope of the task was the right size even if it was still difficult to deal with. 

“Show up,” Argyle said quietly, nodding still as if he had gotten lost to the motion and was unable to stop. “Usually just means showing up.” Eddie stared at Argyle as he spoke, not sure if it was the weed or something else, but that bit of advice actually made sense. Proving he was sorry was just… showing up. “You know, man,” Argyle hummed as they started to get close to town, the shop lights illuminating their path now. “You should try being a little less scared of that cliff.”

“I’m not scared,” Eddie replied with a frown, feeling put on the spot. 

Argyle was picking up his pace a bit to rejoin the group, but he turned to look at Eddie while walking backward. “Sure you are, we all are. Just don’t be afraid to fly if that’s what you’re meant to do. The cliff might not be so bad. Won’t know if you’re a plane if you live your life on the ground,” Argyle offered as he put his arms out in a T formation and swooped to the right as if he was impersonating a plane. 

Eddie stared at him a long while as he fell back in beside Jonathan and put his arm over his shoulder in a friendly way. He could hear Argyle talking about food or something in that vein, and his nonchalant attitude made Eddie feel weird about the whole interaction. It was almost as if it hadn’t happened at all. It left him feeling a bit spacey and unsure before he picked up his pace as well and properly joined the party, stepping up beside Vicki. 

–

Eddie turned the box around in his hand, feeling the effects of the weed as he looked at the pictures of children eating cereal and brightly coloured cartoons springing around the cover of the container. He wasn’t so far gone that he was tripping, but it was distracting nonetheless. “You want it?” Steve asked and Eddie looked up slowly toward him as he spoke before smiling easily. “Sure,” he replied, looking back at the box without handing it over. “Do you want it?” Steve chuckled at him and Eddie couldn’t help but laugh back in a quiet way, enjoying the easy interaction. Weed did chill him out and he felt less anxious about being around Steve like this. That didn’t mean he couldn’t feel the prick of concern in the back of his brain, or the understanding that he just… wanted to be around Steve. He wanted him to pay attention to him and talk and keep him company. That feeling just wasn’t laced with fear. Steve took the box out of his hand and Eddie let him before Steve turned the product around in his hand as well and put it back on the shelf. He grabbed a different cereal, shaking the box slightly before motioning for Eddie to follow him. “Mind if we do this one?” He asked and Eddie nodded, still smiling as he followed Steve up towards the till. 

The cashier was watching all of them suspiciously, but none of the party were making a ruckus and instead were just quietly meandering around the store and grabbing a few things to buy. 

Steve paid for the cereal and a pack of gum and Eddie lingered before deciding he should buy some smokes. He emptied his pockets before handing over the exact change for the pack and getting an incredulous look from the cashier. He handed over the pack anyway and Eddie left the store but not before turning and subtly flipping the guy off. Outside, Steve had already opened the box of cereal and was pouring a small amount into his hand, making a mess as the colourful puffs of food fell onto the ground. “You’re making a mess of it, man,” Eddie chuckled, coming over to cup his hands under Steve’s to catch some of the stray bits of food. “Here, here,” Eddie insisted as he grabbed for the box after pushing some cereal into his mouth. Eddie stuffed his arm into the cereal box unsophisticatedly and grabbed a fistful of cereal before attempting to put the puffs into Steve’s hold. “Fuck off,” Steve laughed, the two of them making just as much of a mess. They were both laughing by the time everyone else came out of the store and they started their trek back toward the Wheeler’s house. Nancy was actually properly holding a few grocery bags of snacks, but the rest of them seemed to just have odd, wayward food products in their hands to enjoy. Vicki was even trying to eat small spoonfuls of pre-made icing and Robin was laughing at her, attempting to “help.”

Things felt easy right now though and Eddie smiled at the group before hopping up onto the retention wall by them and starting to walk along the edge. He practised his balance as he kept pace with Steve. “You’re such a kid,” Steve teased lightly and Eddie glanced at him quickly before having to look forward again so he wouldn’t fall. “What the hell are you talking about?” Eddie asked, humour in his voice as he kept his arms out to the side to keep his balance. “You’re like a little kid,” Steve repeated, his tone affectionate as he smiled at Eddie. “Fuck off,” Eddie mocked back, laughing as he said it. “I’ll have you know I’m the oldest one here.” “That makes it worse,” Steve teased, which got a bark of a laugh from Eddie. He started to stagger, losing his balance as he laughed and toppled toward Steve. The fall wasn’t so bad as to knock him over or anything like that, but it was amusing as Eddie reached out to brace himself and hit Steve’s shoulder, the two of them harmlessly bumping together. It had Eddie laughing loudly as Steve sputtered and half caught him, stopping Eddie from hitting the ground. “Fuck you, Harrington,” Eddie laughed, no weight to his words as he caught his breath. “You trying to kill me?” Everyone walked past them as Steve steadied him, a few of them laughing along with Eddie even if they didn’t know what the joke was. “You good, Munson?” Steve chuckled, obviously amused as he helped Eddie right himself. Eddie adjusted, still snickering, before starting to walk normally again beside Steve. They grew quiet, but it was an easy silence that made Eddie feel warm as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and swayed through his steps. “Hey,” Eddie said finally, smiling at the ground and keeping his attention on his feet. “Thanks for uh, thanks for giving me a second chance.” “Yeah, course,” Steve answered easily, the words flowing between them unencumbered. “Had to, you were miserable.” Eddie laughed again, this time softer as he rubbed under his nose and sniffed. He felt painfully shy but not all that awkward about it. Everything Steve was saying was making him grin and making him want to get closer to him; to do something stupid and having him look and make Steve laugh. He felt bashful and energetic while at the same time feeling completely at peace and more confident than he had in weeks. “Does it bother you?” Steve asked, and Eddie had to look at him to process those words. His owlish stare seemed to communicate enough as Steve explained. “Your…” he started, pointing to his own cheek and tapping a spot on his jaw. “Your scar…” Eddie blinked and then lifted his own hand to his face, touching the patch of bumpy skin that cut up his jaw and then down his neck. It was easy enough to hide with his hair and you only really noticed the scar in good lighting. Still, it was nasty when he first got it, but as the months progressed the gnarled nature of the wound had lessened. It would still always be obvious, but Eddie didn’t find it all that ugly. “Not really,” Eddie admitted, getting distracted by the feeling of the bumpy and smooth texture of the wound. “It’s okay.”

It had been annoying to eat at first, he could remember, and he hated the feeling of his skin being too tight as he spoke or chewed his food. It still felt stiff at times, but he was starting to get used to it. “Feels funny still,” Eddie chuckled, rubbing the spot a couple more times before dropping his hand to put it back in his pocket. “Can I feel?” Steve asked after a pause which made Eddie blink at him quickly. “Uh, sure,” Eddie offered, obviously thrown off by the question. “No, forget it,” Steve corrected, facing forward again and pushing his bangs back out of his face, looking awkward all of a sudden. “No, it’s okay,” Eddie insisted, motioning with his hands to try and communicate that he had just been surprised, not bothered. “No, it’s weird to ask that—kind of rude too,” Steve replied, laughing awkwardly and turning his attention to the other side of the street. “Steve,” Eddie tried again, grabbing Steve’s forearm with both hands and pulling on him a bit. “It’s fine, man.” “I’m okay, don’t worry about—” Eddie grumbled loudly as Steve tried to backpedal again and instead used his grip to shake Steve’s arm childishly. “Touch my face, Steve!” Eddie yelled, purposefully getting loud and speaking in a jokey manner to embarrass Steve. “Jesus,” Steve hushed, putting his hand over Eddie’s mouth. “Okay, okay.” Steve was shooting glances toward the rest of their party and some of them half turned to look at them to see what the commotion was about. Obviously, the extra attention bothered Steve because he hunched up as people slowly turned back around.

Eddie smiled from behind Steve’s hand, no caution in his brain as he stuck out his tongue and licked Steve’s palm. Steve shouted a sound of surprise, reeling back and making some of the cereal fall out of the box he was holding in his other hand. “Gross!” Steve yelled, which made Eddie laugh hard. People were definitely looking at them now which seemed to make Steve flush slightly as he realized the error. Eddie grabbed at his own stomach, laughing rowdily as he stumbled away from Steve. Steve grabbed a handful of cereal and chucked the pieces at Eddie, making him laugh harder as he covered his head. “Mercy!” He called through his giggles, “don’t, don’t. You’ll get it stuck in my hair!” Steve was laughing with him now, the two of them making a ruckus before Nancy turned toward them and hushed their antics. “Come on guy, you’re going to get us in trouble.” Steve stopped throwing the cereal and Eddie’s laughter died down slightly, even if he was smiling still. Steve didn’t seem all that bothered by their interaction and obviously found amusement in Eddie’s teasing even if he had been embarrassed initially. “You’re so disgusting,” Steve said once Nancy had turned back around, chuckling a bit still. Eddie grinned at him, sticking his tongue out again and putting up the rock-on gesture so it framed his mouth. “You don’t even know the half of it,” he teased, which got him a good-natured shove from Steve. He laughed again as he righted himself, being conscientious of not getting too loud. “Here,” Steve offered, pushing the box of cereal toward Eddie. He took it without complaint but looked at Steve, confused anyway. “Your hair,” Steve explained as he stopped walking and made Eddie stop too. He didn’t explain more, but it became obvious that he intended to remove the bits of cereal that had gotten stuck in Eddie’s hair. He was concentrating on the act as he pulled Eddie’s hair forward and plucked the food particles from his curls, the attention making Eddie feel soft. He just sort of stared at Steve’s chest, his head slightly craned downward as he waited for Steve to finish. As he did, Eddie glanced up again, making eye contact. “You can…” Eddie started, reaching up with one hand and tapping his own cheek where his scar was. Steve seemed to hesitate, but he did eventually reach forward, touching the spot for a brief moment as he stared at that point on Eddie’s face. His expression was a bit faded as he seemed to distractedly touch the scar before slowly letting his hand drop. Steve looked so dazzling in the low light; his chestnut hair glinting with faded bits of blonde, bleached from swimming in pools and staying out in the sun. He really was boyishly handsome. It was no wonder he had been so popular in school, even if Eddie was starting to realise that his popularity had everything to do with sports, good looks, and money and had very little to do with who he was as a person. Steve was a dork… goofy and awkward, well-meaning but completely uncharismatic. He had his moments, but Steve didn’t seem to shine when he got attention nor did he seek it out. He was so pretty though…. Cliff, meet Eddie. Eddie… meet cliff. The two of them held the position for a moment, staring at one another before Steve turned to face forward again. 

Eddie followed suit a beat later, the two of them growing quiet. “Thanks,” Eddie mumbled, still smiling as he stepped beside Steve again and they started walking. “For uh,” Eddie said, shaking the box of cereal and then hugged it to his chest again, keeping his attention forward. “Oh, yeah… sure,” Steve replied, “don’t mention it.” The comfortable silence faded slowly and made way for regular, contemplative silence as the two of them walked. Eddie didn’t hate it and he still felt a bit warm from their earlier interaction, but he felt introspective as he clutched the box of cereal. It still felt too soon to know for sure–or at least Eddie wanted to tell himself that–but he was entertaining the idea of…properly liking Steve. Maybe. It still felt far-fetched and even if it was true that didn’t mean he was willing to sacrifice their friendship. He’d never asked anyone out, and he wasn’t going to have Steve be the first person he tried it on. Even if Steve was secretly a dork, he was still a different breed of dork than Eddie was. He was glad they got along and he was glad that Steve seemed to actually enjoy his company, but that didn’t mean they were romantically compatible. 

Not that he liked him.

Not that he wanted to put himself through that emotional ordeal. 

Steve opened the door as they got back to the Wheeler’s basement, holding it for Eddie and stepping aside. Eddie bowed in an exaggerated manner, chuckling before starting to walk through the door. Steve shoved his shoulder to make him walk faster and Eddie laughed properly, grinning over his shoulder at Steve as he watched a smile spread across his face too. 

[hippielittlemetalhead]

Just rewatched Gran Turismo and like... listen... Envision with me

Jann - Steve Harrington

Jack - Hopper (duh 🙄)

Antonio and Matty - Eddie (British like J Quinn. Still trailer Park kid but damn good at the GT game which he bought the gear for with a mix of honest work and his illicite substances side-gig. Had a pipe-dream of being in the music industry but then the GT event happened that he saw as his chance to make something of himself and pay his uncle back for taking him in. He's devastated when he gets eliminated but is snatched up as part of a team for another racing company thingamajig. He bought his uncle a nice flat that he also stays at and is talking with his garage band about maybe seriously pursuing music in his off-season or driving for a few years for the massive paycheck while putting feelers out and only doing music full-time if a label is interested.) and Billy (Australian like Dacre. I know some of y'all hate that boy with a passion but bear with me okay? I have my reasons. Victim of abuse from a parent who used the GT event to get himself and later his little sister out of that situation. And turns out said little sister is Mad Max, an online gaming friend of the Party's. He's rough around the edges at first but that's because this is his best shot at escaping his abuser and saving his sibling from the same fate. They're both out from under Neil's thumb by Les Mans and he's happier, more relaxed, just softer in general and great with the kids when they start harassing Eddie and Billy about being at the GT camp with Steve)

Audrey - Robin (Platonic with a Capital P 😘)

Persol, Coby, assorted friends - The Party and Nancy and Jonathan and them

Steve and Lesley Mardenborough - Mr. and Mrs. Harrington (make them shitty parents all around for the sake of fic, no redemption. Steve had been disowned for being queer and not wanting to go to his dad's Alma Mater and was living with Robin as flatmates. His mom occasionally sent money without his dad noticing and if they weren't hurting for rent or groceries he'd put most of it in savings and use the rest for gear for the racing game the kids had gotten him into. The GT event is a way to show his parents up and help take care of Robin and pay back the kid's parents who had all helped him get on his feet when he was first kicked out)

Danny Moore - Joyce (Jopper would happen of course but kind of a frenemies to lovers situation) worries about choosing Steve because he's close to her youngest but Hop brings up how if he thought she was seriously trying to favour Steve for the sake of her kids he would fight her on it and that eases her worries.

Capa and Schulin- Tommy and Jason

Murray would be that one pit crew guy who calls Jann "noob"

Jonathan and Nancy still have complicated history with Steve but they get along for the sake of the Party kids and the two strong arm their way onto Steve's PR team despite being college students cause Steve confessed in one of the 'older kids' group chats to being shaken up being flown about place to place all on his own surrounded by strangers who's jobs rely on him doing well on the track and in front of the camera.

El is Hop's daughter and brought on as Pit Crew. She's Steve's biggest fan after Dustin. Steve flies Robin in for his signing event and the first race after that. Platonic Soulmates no matter the universe!!

Not sure if I'd have a romantic pairing for Steve in this one? Robin would of course fall for Eddie's best friend Chrissy he brings with him when they come together for the Les Mans 24 hr race. I can be a Steddie, Harringrove or Stoncy (NOT just Stancy. I have my reasons) person depending on the fic and just... Idk where I'd take this?

[stranger-rants]

Well, I was only talking about Billy, so of course I only labeled something he did as a hate crime. A little baby hate crime. Honestly I think the stuff at the roller rink in S4 should count, since they clearly are fucking with her cause they think she's mentally deficient.

Breaking up homophobia into little bits and pieces and implying it's only homophobia if he called the other boy a f*ggot sounds like cope, but from you I fully believe it's sincere. Like how you keep calling Steve queerphobic cause he specifically called Jonathan a queer. You can say it's homophobic even if it's not the big daddy f slur.

My point is that he did do something homophobic, in a flashback, parroting his dad. And it's clearly something he does not remember fondly since it's in that big dark mental hurricane space. I don't think Billy is canonically homophobic, but he did do a homophobia.

With the race stuff, "Billy isn't racist" is definitely a valid interpretation but imo it deserves to be a minority opinion (same for "Billy is homophobic" btw). The clear, obvious interpretation of his behavior towards Lucas is that it was racist. I choose to ignore that shit cause it's not fun to write about and fandom isn't activism. Though if I did I'd prolly go the "Billy's smart enough to figure out racism is stupid and he'll get better about it as soon as he's out of his abusive home and has the mental space to work on himself" route.

Anyway, I'll stop clogging up your inbox. Obviously we disagree on stuff, but I really like your blog and I hope you have a nice day :)

I'm very specific in my language because these things, while related, represent different facets of bigotry. I also don't like using "baby hate crime" to describe most bullying behavior committed by children, for similar reasons why we don't diagnose children with ASPD. I don't like setting children on a course for incarceration for their behavior when they are children and hate crime is explicitly a crime. Bullying is dealt with very differently and as a person who works with children, I do think this distinction is important.

I use queerphobia because it encompasses more than homophobia. I use hegemonic masculinity and effemiphobia to talk about how boys use the word "pussy" to bully other boys into masculine behavior. It's important to be precise, especially when bigotry can take on many forms. I don't consider this as a clearcut example of Billy being homophobic. He was a child beating up another child who we assume was a boy repeating the same words his dad said, but also probably something he hears quite often. The fear that men show and teach young boys to feel towards femininity is not just a matter of homophobia.

I also think it's silly, personally, to downplay Billy's racist behavior while harping on Billy - as a child - bullying another child using the word "pussy," which he was also told and/or may not have fully understood at the time. To me, his racism is much more evident and it's something we should be more critical about. Still, he doesn't go around hate-criming people. A lot of his violent outbursts are incidental and not exactly targeted. Using that word continually to describe his violent behavior ignores context and assumes Billy just does these things regularly.

I'm glad you enjoy my blog, but I say what I say for a reason. His bullying behavior as a child is still wrong, but I don't agree that it's clearcut evidence that Billy is/was homophobic. As I've said, people accuse him of saying and doing things he never actually said and did and that includes the "Billy is homophobic" bs.