#just a silly little vent post

[nocreativityfornames]

Don't you just love it when it's the middle of the night and that aromantic loneliness hits you in the face because once again you're thinking about the fact that society values romantic relationships way more than platonic ones and that you'll never be as important to your friends as they are to you because romantic relationships are the most valuable thing in the world and platonic ones will almost always be overlooked, left in second place, sometimes even forgotten?

[employee052]

turns out a brief moment of feeling ok doesnt mean im done grieving

anywho, heres a vent doodle with a pose i saw online, might not reblog the road trip thread posts for a bit (i feel bad for not being able to participate in my own trend but as long as people enjoyed it then i dont mind all too much)

i dont wanna call it a break bc i cant help but be on tumblr, but things might go quiet in terms of art or me talking.

hope yall are doin well today/tonight/timezone n ill see yall when i see you :3

[pussysidon]

When I want to not be weird about something but I have literally never been normal about a piece of media in my life

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

[sleepipuppyboy]

“Mommy would do that for me” I think- with absolutely no mommy in sight

[sonicpilled]

need. more of ur zombic au i love him

m

[brainrot-stitch]

How 2 do well in school, which is starting soon, no glue no borax

[tangledinink]

Hello. I just wanted to say, even if you don’t get enough likes or reposts on any of your comics, you should still be posting them for those people who enjoy them and DO want to read them whenever they can.

Hey bro, I understand what you're saying, and I think maybe your point is supposed to be, like, that I shouldn't worry about notes and stuff? But this is one of quite a few anons/messages of this ilk I've received lately, so here's the thing.

I've literally posted about seventeen different comics on tumblr for you guys over the past three weeks. In addition to multiple illustrated pieces, three fic updates, and two oneshots (that's over 36k words my guy!) in that same timeframe. Quite frankly, that's a lot of content.

I'm really, really glad you guys are enjoying the things I'm making! But please let me publish things at my own pace. When I say that I usually wait for the previous part of a comic to hit a certain number of notes before I publish the next, I mean, like I previously stated, that I'm using it as a way to time things/space things out and give each part a chance to breathe and do the rounds before adding more-- not that me continuing the project is dependant on the amount of attention I receive. But even if it was... it's my right to operate that way if I want to!

And. Like. Yeah, okay, I guess I'll go ahead and delete that other ask about the SepAU thing? 'Cause it's really just resulted in me being informed by people, anonymous or otherwise, that I'm totally screwed, they'll be voting against me, etc etc. and I'm? Not having that fun of a time?,,, Actually?,,, I'm already aware that I will likely lose and that's okay, it's just a game. I'm not going to stop making content because of it, so please don't worry about that. But all these anons and such are really not,,, helping. Nor encouraging me to publish anything else.

So I'd really, really appreciate you guys' patience. I'm not gonna answer any more asks like this. Thank you.

[negative-speedforce]

Man moral compulsions are a bitch. The unbeatable urge to prove myself as a perfect paragon of normalcy and cleanliness.

I don't really talk about my mental health much, but this is really on my mind now.

I haven't been 'officially' diagnosed with OCD, since my insurance doesn't cover me to see an actual psychologist, but pretty much every mental health professional I've seen has been like, "Yeah, that's OCD." (no, I'm not really a cleanly person at all, that's not all it is)

Those posts that are like "Reblog if you aren't a pedo!" or "I'm blocking everyone who doesn't reblog this because they're saying they don't support trans people" are actually really, really bad. I've been getting better at ignoring stuff like that, but it actually makes me feel physically ill to not be seen as something 'clean', if that makes sense? Like when I scroll past those and tell myself they're just bait, I feel physically nauseous, and my brain is actively telling me that all my followers are gonna block me if I don't reblog that.

Most of my compulsions are based in morality. I'm assuming it has something to do with the fact that I was raised in a cult by an extremely controlling, abusive mother. I have to be perfect, I have to do it right the first time, I can't ever screw up or be problematic or not know or look away or not spread the word or-

I have to give of myself completely, while not sharing too much or else everyone's gonna know what a shitty person I really am, while not being dishonest, because dishonesty is going to catch up with you eventually and everyone's gonna see the real you and leave you and hate you.

It's exhausting.

It's like being trapped in a contant feedback loop. Say, cleaning your room, for instance. You never start, because you know if it's not perfect, someone's going to see how much of a filthy slob you are and not want to be around you anymore, so you let the mess pile up because you're terrified of starting something that you can't make absolutely perfect.

People say that it's just "oh lol I'm sooooooo OCD I love having a clean house!!!". No, this shit is fucking debilitating. watching every move you make, every step you take, just so you know you're doing it right, only to doubt yourself at every moment. Obsessing over tiny details, having full-on panic attacks if you don't get everything right the first time because you're genuinely terrified that the worst will happen if you don't.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that brains are bitches and you never know what people are going through.

[llannasvsp]

Same Anon.

I do want to say that while you did come across as a bit aggressive, you're opinion is entirely valid. I do not want you to think I was claiming otherwise.

This is your blog; if you don't want people to mention Greenflame here, that's your choice. I was just simply saying that we shouldn't metaphorically scream and shout at the people who do ship it.

Again, you're totally valid, and I agree with all of your points; I just don't want the Ninjago community to turn on each other like I have seen others do in the past.

No, and that's why I appreciate you bringing that up.

I tend to get very passionate about certain topics and then I come across as very aggressive. I do that if I'm passionate about things that I love and things that I hate. I kind of need to dial back a lot when it comes to that. Which is why I deleted the posts because in hindsight it did seem very much like I hated people who ship greenflame which is just... wildly untrue.

I think maybe I need to journal some things before I say them hah.

Basically, at the end of the day, the situation boils down to this: I am not comfortable with greenflame, I would like it if people do not talk about greenflame on my blog, but if you ship it, I won't like... throw you off a cliff or whatever those 2014 anti's threatened to do.

And like I said, the movieverse is a different topic, because I personally think they're in the same grade or like 1 year apart so movieverse greenflame does not bother me. It's only the show that makes me uncomfortable.

Once again, thank you for bringing this up in a kind and not demeaning way, because truly the last thing I want to do is hurt people, and I can totally see how those posts would have come across as me being intentionally hurtful, which was never the goal, I was just venting. Which I need to dial back on and/or filter in the future.

[multi-lefaiye]

takes a long sip of water. it's okay. not every story will be finished. what matters is that i'm enjoying the process and writing and outlining something that makes me happy. <- affirmations said while visibly shaking a little

[johnslittlespoon]

oh my god. i just found this in my a/n for my first ever mota fic and laughed SO loud bc THIS. vs me exactly three months later sweating it out on wiki and archive websites at 4am agonizing over the tiniest historically accurate details that no one other than me will probably ever think twice about is so fucking funny (get me OUT OF HEREEE)

[margindoodles2407]

HEY

YOU

YEAH YOU. WITH THE TUMBLR ADDICTION.

This is your daily reminder that. If you see something that upsets you. And I'm talking something that really grinds your gears. You can just take a deep breath and react to the situation calmly.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't do anything about it, just that perhaps it's better to consider your options with a clear head.

[oa-ie]

He didn't have it coming

[giggleesblog]

.

[starheirxero]

btw for the record if we have ever been in a situation where we had to stop being friends for whatever reason, i will still always hold you fondly in my heart. i will still think of every kind and small moment we had and i will miss you with every atom in my body. i will wait for you to come back and if you return, you will be no less of a friend to me than the day you left. i have no friendship decay