#just taking a break inbetween projects and work

[sirazaroff]

Ever since Chibi, this is just sorta how I see their dynamic.

[consceleratuswrites]

Regarding updates

Hey all, just wanted you to know I’m not dead (yay) I’ve just been taking a break while I sorted out some other bits in past few weeks. Namely my little side hustle I have where I sell my art -> link here if interested (black Friday sale is on). I’ve also been prepping my wall for everyone’s fanart!! Some big day job things happened and I also have a lot more responsibilities within my role now, so that’s ALSO been something to tackle.

I fully admit it’s been a little hard to stay motivated, this project is very beloved to me and getting over my own silly self-doubt is proving to be difficult.

Rest assured I do have my plot plan, I have my ending, I just don’t necessarily like all the stuff inbetween (despite them making thematic sense to me).

I am working hard for you guys and I’m so sorry if I’ve let you down. It’s just hard to get the engine going after such a busy year. I also struggle with the fact I feel like I make things BORING (which as horrible way to think about my writing, I know, but the mean brain worm keeps telling me things!)

So yes, I’ve hit the inevitable wall and the motivation has dwindled. But I’m still going to push as much as I can. I want to finish it. I want to. There is still so much COOL STUFF THATS COOL SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

I love Sigma, I love this fic and I feel we should honour his event way more than blizzard ever did. Im still here, I’m just taking longer to will myself than anticipated. Stick with meeeee.

[indiaalphawhiskey]

Hi India. What is with fan's obsession for Harry to disappear? For the past several months I see that whenever he says something it is taken out of context or exaggerated to be a hint or confirmation that he's taking a long break, and under most posts about him people are saying they'll miss him but they better not see him for at least a year. It feels super controlling and I wonder if it's tied to that anon Gina? got a while back saying that after tour Harry was going to disappear and focus on raising a family with Louis. Is that why fans so desperately want to see him disappear? I don't think it's weird for him to say he's going away for a bit after tour. What is the alternative? Touring up until he releases HS4 and then start another? He's been doing LOT for 2-3 years and it needs refreshing. He'll need new visuals, outfits etc. If he was having a long tour break (years) I would have thought he'd say as HSHQ could easily capitalize off his last few shows. Imo he's working on HS4 now and that's why he did the LA and NY residencies so he had access to writing/recording in one place. He also had Kid Harpoon with him during the residencies, Japan and now London. He's probably writing or recording inbetween these 4 Wembley shows and the days before and after. Obviously I might be wrong and maybe he'll elaborate more in his other shows. But I just hate the desperation for him to disappear and I don't know that it's in his best interests. He says a million times how much he loves performing and fans still say he's being forced to do it by Jeff.

Love, I don’t know which blogs you’re following, but everyone I’m following isn’t “desperate” for him to disappear. I think you might be reading the wrong blogs or misunderstanding the tone of the blogs you’re reading.

People (that I follow at least) want him to disappear because he’s had a frenetic three years. Between Fine Line, HSLOT1, DWD, My Policeman, Harry’s House, ONO, HSLOT2, he’s been going at it nonstop. I think people are very protective of him pacing his work because many of us remember how worked to the bone 1D was when they were active, and though we know the situation is different, it doesn’t mean we can’t express vocal support for him taking the time to rest and also recharge creatively.

I’ve not seen anyone on my dash relate it at all to that anon (which IMO was really just an inquisitive theory with no real teeth to back it up). (Also, if you’re getting the drama from Twitter… um… don’t.)

As for why people keep saying they’ll miss him, well, it’s because we will. It’s nice to know when you’re seeing an artist you’re a fan of next. It’s nice to have new music or a new project to look forward to. It’s not anything more than the fact that we got used to seeing him, and now we have to get used to the idea of not knowing when he’ll pop up next. 🤷🏻‍♀���

Maybe there’s a bit of apprehension because we haven’t heard anything tangible about a re-signing to Columbia, and we know he had a three album deal, so Harry’s House is technically the last album we’re guaranteed, but I personally think that’s by design. It keeps us on our toes, it keeps us wondering, it makes the announcement all the more anticipated and delicious when it comes, and it also alleviates the pressure on him to create/work on break.

It’s really not anything dramatic, at least not for me.

Basically…

[cheesycokeart]

Rambling about scrapped projects so I don't feel like the work went to waste

I've only really made like, 3 little games. Which admittedly, I should be trying to make myself Finish more projects just so I can get more experience and be able to reliably work on something larger. Inbetween, I get the spark to make a buncha different ideas that usually don't get very far for one reason or another. I know this is a bad habit, and I'm tryin' to work on it.

Otherwise though, gonna talk about a few projects where I wanna show off what little work I did put in before deciding I was better off killing it, including a "follow-up" to Grenade Volley.

This is just some not-even-prototype-level stuff with myself rambling about things I wanted to do. So be warned before hitting read more!

Drivin' Breach

So this was started in part based on my desire to create something utilizing the Grenade Volley world with a more "safe" gameplay style. I absolutely love old distance games, like Learn to Fly, Kitten Cannon, Shopping Cart Hero, etc etc but I realized it wasn't a super common style of game these days so wanted to take a crack at making one.

I had the basics of it going and I was pretty proud of what I had artistically and in terms of tone. Ambitiously, I even wanted a fully animated opening cutscene, but in hindsight that might've been a bit much to try and pull off.

To try and set it apart, I imagined that one main hook would be having a wide variety of "special items" that you could used to propel yourself further, each one controlling differently for players that wanted some variety, and maybe even implementing individual upgrade lines for said special items. I wanted to make the "Magic Tail" item a buttplug tail.

After a bit of time of working I just realized things weren't coming together how I would've liked them to. Physics weren't quite satisfactory, I couldn't figure out how to implement gliders, and I wasn't super confident about balancing it to stretch the game out but also make it feel rewarding. Those combined with waning passion for the project just kinda killed it off. I was pretty proud of the art and stuff I did for it, though, and what I had going so far.

I also ended up applying some of the code (where the world moves around the player, allowing for infinite movement) to Downhill to Infinity!

(Also that shop music you here is Closed on Sundays by Mana Junkie, a CC3.0 track I found online)

Earth Servant Ms. Usagi

I was super enthusiastic about this one for a while!! I was stoked about the idea of making a game using Ms. Usagi because she was one of my many characters made with games in mind from the get-go. I ended up settling on this weird mix of Megaman-style, fast platforming, and stylish melee combat. Notice, though, the animations are not finished at ALL.

I wanted to push fun and snappy combat, encouraging the player to bounce between enemies while using environment and speed to their advantage. Think like a hectic anime fight where the main character is running around boppin' every bad guy while darting between them. A style meter was also applied, rewarding chained attacks.

To go over the moveset: Attacking from a standstill performs an uppercut, attacking in the air performs an air kick. If you only tap the attack button for the air kick, it stops Usagi in mid-air and keeps her close to the enemy. If you hold it, however, it will both put her current speed into the kick AND launch the enemy according to said speed. Holding down while attacking in the air will slam to the ground. She also has a blaster move that's especially good for continuing combos. For defense, I added dashing maneuvers and a block/parry inspired by MGR.

I still think this kick feels fuckin sick to pull off.

Few problems came up. First one was just plain ol' being scared of level design, but that one I coulda bruteforced through. More importantly at one point I took a break and went back to it later only to realize that it Wasn't Fun. Movement felt way too slippery, I wasn't making the fast momentum-based movement blend well with the fast combo-based combat. If I wanna do anything like this again, I'd have to figure out a better way to blend this.

Either way, I know for certain I'd LOVE to make a Ms. Usagi game in the future, I think she could make for something very fun and poppy and stylish.

BONUS

During one of the beta versions of Godot 4, I had short-lived thoughts of wanting to make a wave-based FPS to play with its 3D features. I wanted the game to have a gross, crusty aesthetic. It never got far at all, but I made a "gore harvester" machine for it and I still really like that thing. It was fun to draw such ugly textures.

[honeythistle]

This isn't my normal miniature project but I had purchased this wreath form last winter with the intention of making some sort of christmas wreath with it... and as the new year dawned with that wreath still unmade, I realized that I should probably figure out something else to do with the form. Hence, this odd little pompom creation to celebrate a couple of life events in the last year. I'm outlining my process below just in case anyone else is interested in making this style of wreath as well :)

The form is made from chipboard, and I first painted it in acrylic.

I then attached some handmade pompoms to it via good old glue gun, and some firmly tied knots.

I made some leaves from felt and wire, to make the fronds poseable - there's a short video of the process on my instagram (2nd slide in the post carousel). This is probably... the lengthiest part of the whole process since I embroidered the middle of each leaf first (on both sides), then stitched the two sides of each leaf together, sandwiching the wires inbetween.

Next I made a little house from matboard - the stuff used for framing. I've really latched onto this material for a lot of crafty uses, since it is sturdy, easy to cut, and also takes on paint well since it's essentially a thick block of pressed paper.

To create the two little proteas, I took a piece of cardstock paper (used for the printer essentially), and painted it in red acrylic on both sides. Then I dry brushed some light pink and white paint across the paper, again on both sides.

When the paper was thoroughly dry, I snipped tiny petals from it and used them to cover a central form that I made from polymer clay. I didn't want to construct the whole flower from paper since I needed it to be a bit more robust... something that could take a few knocks or falls without breaking or deforming, so polymer clay was my choice. If I had any foam around, I might have tried to use that since the clay is a bit heavier than preferred, but all in all, it worked out.

The petals were glued on in layers, and I also added a thin light streak to each petal afterwards to really help differentiate them from previous layers.

Lastly, I added some leaves to the stem, making sure to shape them around a pen first. You can kind of see the wire of the stem poking out the bottom - this is intentional! That's what I used to attach the proteas to the chipboard frame. I drilled a small hole (the exact size of the wire) into the frame where I wanted the flowers to go, and then pushed the wire in with some super glue. There was still a bit of wire poking through the other side, which I bent against the frame to really hold the protea in place :)

The wire-poking-through-frame is largely the method I used to attach the felt leaves and the house as well. With the leaves, I wrapped the wires a couple times around the frame after gluing them in, just for extra security.

And that's it! Not quite a tutorial (that would have been very lengthy), but hopefully a clear enough explanation for recreating something along these lines. I plan to hang this wreath year round, as opposed to the original plan of a christmas wreath ^_^

[owlish-owlhouse]

could you do a collector x reader where the reader is a student at hexside and the collector keeps interrupting them while studying so that they can play with them, then eventually the reader gives in and play with him??

Gonna go with Collector pre Kings Tide

~~~

You have one of the circle disks that allows communication with the Collector from the Inbetween Realm. What was originally a cool mirror you found at the day market covered with a pretty cloth at an old antique stand became something much more. A small decor project you bought wanting to fix up and use in your room somehow became how you accidentally summoned the Collector.

Honestly the Collector was ecstatic to have a new friend! He thought you were a lot more fun than Philip and a lot nicer. You kept the mirror clean so his shadow could easily explore, talked to him often, and left him with open books or toys in your room so he could play while you were gone. All you asked was he not say anything to your parents and after a pinkie swear he promised they wouldn't notice his presence.

You were in your room studying for school, trying to get a new spell to work but just not grasping it when he became bored. Collector was floating on your wall watching and honestly not helping with your performance anxiety. You'd asked him politely to leave you alone for a bit but Collector was insistent on staying.

Eventually after the fourth time you'd tried the spell with no success and clearly getting frustrated by the lack of it, he used his powers to close your book. Looking up at him he smiled finally had your full attention.

"Come on let's playyyyyyy. You've been trying all day." He begs and you giggle as he makes objects dance across your desk to cheer you up. Putting everything back in its place you decided a break could be good and pushing your studies aside you get up so you can flop onto your bed.

"Nuuuuuuuuuu you can't sleep yet! It's still earlyyyyyyyy. Play with me, play with me please!!!"

Smiling against your pillow you could feel Collector tugging at the edge of your blankets trying to get you up since he couldn't touch you. Chuckling you turn onto your back to look up at him. He was taking up like half your ceiling as he watched you with a pout. Sending him a sly smile he freezes waiting.

"One. Two. Three." You start outloud before covering your eyes.

"No fair! No fair! No fair!" He calls and before your hands completely cover your face you see him scurry to find a place to hide. You smile softly continuing to count as he hides somewhere.

As you look for him you can hear him giggling. The sound bounces all around your room and becomes contagious as you search for him. You check under your bed, under your desk, behind your bookshelf. Finally you find him hidden in your curtain shadows.

"Found you!" Using your shadow to make a tickling motion Collector begins laughing as your shadow self tickles him. You're not sure if that actually worked but it seemed to make him happy regardless. He honestly just wanted to be included and as someone who was often alone at school you could understand the feeling.

You play a few more rounds of hide n seek before moving on to his next game. Collector was never one to stick with the same game for long. After playing a few rounds of hide n seek, twenty questions, tag, and whatever else he wanted you noticed it was getting late. You turn towards your homework but he begs you for a few more.

Feeling tired but not wanting to disappoint your friend, you do a couple card games before you need to sleep. Collector looks at your homework guilty but you promise him you'll get it done during lunch.

He frowns not wanting you to sleep but he seems to understand that you need it despite the fact he doesn't. He wishes you goodnight and promises you'll have even more fun tomorrow before disappearing into his glass.

You go to sleep, your home work a forgotten problem for tomorrow. But when you wake to a mischievous giggle your surprised to see Collector had done your homework for you. Noticing The neatly scribbled out answers in crayon you chuckled at his attempt to help before pausing. The answers looked correct. Thanking him as you leave promising to be back soon you just hear the sound of his soft laughter as he wishes you well.

[apparencies]

i keep meaning to keep this blog updated on my thesis "journey" and then going months without any sign of life, but as i'm feeling a little more optimistic today, i thought i'd ramble abt my progress a bit.

i'm currently preparing for a meeting with my supervisor on friday, which will be the first time we actually talk face to face about my new research topic at all. it's not ideal, but things just kind of lined up that way with the semester break and easter hols and whatnot, but i think it's probably for the best. even if i'm rather anxious my supervisor will hate the idea and make me start over, one thing i already know about myself is that i just need a lot of space and freedom to go back and forth between theory and data and workshopping until i can present a fully-fledged research idea. so i think it was perhaps always destined to go this way.

i'm currently prepping an exposé (that's so presentious, just say research proposal) to send ahead of the meeting. after struggling with data availability for two weeks and then with the unexpected first results of that data for another week, i feel like i've narrowed down my interest and hypotheses enough to calm down about it all. my enthusiasm has also returned! i'm not a big fan of that inbetween phase of having an idea and not knowing if the data supports it, so i'm glad to have that over with. it feels like i can focus on The Steps of research and be productive now. but this is just a snapshot in time, i'm fully prepared to fall into despair again as early as this afternoon. but for now!! i will enjoy this shining moment of optimism!! you can't take this from me!!!

in timeline news, i'm going to presenting my research project (with my results, i hope!) for my supervisor, boss and colleagues at the end of june, and i'd like to be at least halfway to done by then, ideally. i'd really love to be done by the end of august at the very latest, which feels wild to say. august!!! that's so soon. and yet so far lmao. but i am just really ready to be done with this degree, so i'm looking forward to getting the work done and getting this thesis out of the way.

[syntethizinglove]

Announcing "Synthetizing Love"

I know I have more chances to actually finish a project if I tell people about, so I am officially announcing my very first game:

The sprites shown here won't be in the final game

I decided to create this game for the Yuri Game Jam 2023. I am an artist who loves drawing female characters, so I thought a yuri game would be a good start in creating visual novels. Not to mention that one of my original characters was the perfect fit for the genre, so I immediately made her the protagonist. It's also true, though, that this would be my first time getting into the yuri genre and I hope to be able to write a good story that will do this genre justice.

The game will be created using TyranoBuilder, since I'm no programmer, but I will write the story, design characters and UI and create sprites. For backgrounds and music, I will probably rely on free assets (I'm really bad at backgrounds but I may still try to create them if I have enough time).

Hannah, Chikara and Yvonne are my original characters, so they already have a set design and personality. (The drawings you see in the banner above, in fact, are from their reference sheets and won't be used in the game. I'm just using them as placeholders.) Nonetheless, I still want to create new outfits for this game. Any other character will need to be designed from scratch.

Work in progress. Trying to come up with new outfits.

HANNAH: main character; American. She's obessed with science and chemistry. Her greatest desire is becoming a renowed scientist.

CHIKARA: one of Hannah's best friends; Japanese. Always calm and collected. Her cold stare scares people, but in reality she has an extremely warm heart.

YVONNE: one of Hannah's best friends; French. Dreams of becoming a teacher loved and respected by all students. Loves to gossip.

LOVE INTERESTS: can't reveal anything for now, but my hope is to have three of them. The silhouettes in the banner above are temporary and may different from the final designs.

PROFESSOR PASCAL: University teacher. Hannah is his lab assistant and loves to make him angry.

MR. HYDE: Hannah's cat, adopted from the shelter~

More characters to come, maybe???

I'm currently writing the prologue and, although I have a general idea of where I want the story to go, I still need to figure out the middle part.

The premise of the game will slowly be revealed as the story progresses because Hannah herself beats around the bush and doesn't explicitly talk about it, since she refuses to acknowledge it. She likes women and she has never accepted it. Due to past events, she has buried everything deep into her heart and has lived her life like this, thinking the problem was solved.

Of course that's not how it works and her wounds, which have never had the chance to heal, have heavily influenced her life. In this game, she will learn to open her heart and accept herself thanks to a new love. What kind of "love" it will be, the player will decide.

Placeholders. Placeholders everywhere lol In this stage I am only adding in text and trying out the new software.

I'm not sure if I will be able to finish the entire game within the jam's timeframe, so I'm aiming for a working demo, at least.

My main goals for now are, more or less in order of importance:

Finish writing the prologue (I am currently at around 7k words, but who knows what more I will add or delete);

Input all the text in the engine;

Design all characters;

Draw all sprites and at least a decent amount of expressions;

Add all character animations and expression changes;

Work on at least one route, with a good and a bad ending.

Additional things that are still important, but don't have priority at the moment:

Find all the backgrounds I need;

Find some music.

This is all, for now. Writing will surely take a lot of time, so I'll probably write an update next week with the new word count. Unless I decide to take a break inbetween writing sessions and sketch some things, which means I'll be able to post an update sooner.

See you soon!

[thezfc]

Succession anon again! Hi!!

You brought up Matthew & Brian but the fact is both those men have been doing non-stop projects. Matthew’s been doing TV & film since his career began. Not all of them were heavy hitters, obviously, but his agents have always kept a remarkable pulse on the market & managed to fit him into his niche. Kieran’s done indie projects with obvious breaks inbetween given he’s a well adjusted child actor. Sarah & Jeremy have also been working hard since they started their careers, Sarah’s been a local aussie talent for a while now.

Tom & his agents to a degree don’t seem to want to put in the work that leads to being offered better deals because they assume marvel accolades are enough to get by nowadays (as do a lot of MCU alumni but I digress.) The truth is, if he wanted to, he’d buckle down and audition like everybody else does. And perhaps he has! Then it’s just the question of why the market no longer seems interested to push his projects forwards. (i.e White Stork looked rather promising but it seems they never fully locked down Claire Foy for the co-lead role and left the project in developmental hell with Netflix at the helm post-covid.)

As someone who’s a fan of Tom’s more indie & less multiconglomerate disney work it’s kind of depressing that he’s either got Loki, a project that’s never past the concept stage, or the apple tv show that made absolutely no dent in media or even a dent with the “booktok” & general social media reader communities. Makes me wonder if perhaps he should take a tab out of some other actors’ pages and start his own production company to get the work he wants to commit to and see to fruition without having to wonder if the company will ever go through w/development.

Yeah I guess my point about the cast of Succession is that they weren’t super famous and not everything they did was a big hit before that, so the fact that the Essex serpent didn’t do much and these other things may not happen is par for the course sometimes. I just wish he was in MORE projects that had the possibility of being good or well received. 

[raybeanschildrenslit]

A Single Shard - Historical Fiction

A Single Shard by Linda Sue Park (Historical Fiction) Published 2001 by Clarion Books

A Single Shard by Linda Sue Park is a historical fiction piece that puts us in historical Korea during a major moment in art history when ceramics in the country change forever. We follow Tree-ear, a young orphan, who after spying on the local potter for a while before becoming his apprentice in hopes of one day becoming a potter himself. However, he is only tasked with the back-breaking labor of hauling materials like wood and clay for his master while dealing with his terrible temper and ignorance- with some solace in the kindness of the potter’s wife to help push him along. To prove himself and earn his master a royal commission, Tree-ear tirelessly provides and strives for a chance at greatness. 

It isn’t often I find historical fiction that takes place in Korea though I have no doubt there is a good chunk of it out there, but also finding one whose focus is on art like ceramics rather than a cultural/ historical tragedy feels refreshing. Tree-ear’s story focuses on self growth and art rather than a war or genocide which is nice to see in historical fiction while also still being invested in the goings on. Park helps in this by keeping the tempo of the pacing solid and not slowing down with inbetweens but pushing the significant moments that compile Tree-ear’s journey within just under 200 pages. Whether read or listened to, the tale is quite nice and not that laborious for a reader to get through.

I feel that unless fantasy or tragedy is involved, I don't see enough asian or even minority representation as a whole. I know there is quite a bit but there could always be more, especially with the growing diversity of communities and the work presented to publishers. I like the idea of realistic fiction depicting victories of all forms for individuals but especially those who are under-represented to remind readers that look like them that they can’t only be great by winning a battle or doing something other-worldly. This piece could proudly hold a place in Korean representation while celebrating its own heritage or Asian heritage as a whole. I also like the idea of more children/ readers in general reading stories about artistic pursuit in individuals their age. I wonder if someone were to do a unit with this if there could be a ceramics adjacent project to follow- I don’t expect kilns but maybe oven set or air dry. 

-Ray 02/04/2024

Park, L. S. (2003). A single shard. Dell Yearling.

[dzpenumbra]

1/21/23

This month is flying by. I didn't sleep well last night. My cat didn't come to bed for the second consecutive night. I think her hips are flaring up or something, I don't know. I don't want to bug her. I got up early, got my weighted blanket and came down to sleep in the comfy chair with her. She was... very aggressively hungry. And I refused to get up because I was nodding off tired. And it was a bad combo. She ended up going after my arms and legs to like... make me get her food. I was very upset with this. It's bad enough to fight with "friends" and family, but... conflict with her is just... it's a special kind of horrible.

I have no idea how she's so hungry. I haven't changed anything about her diet in like a month, at least. She was extremely pissed that I didn't get her food like 2 hours earlier than normal. I don't know, maybe I should just do it next time. I ended up doing it in the end, but like. Yeah, that moment stuck with me, because she was clearly sending a message and I just... don't know what to do. I can't feed her earlier, I'm supposed to be catching up on sleep, I haven't had a full night's sleep in like... I don't even remember anymore. If I feed her dinner later... she just gets pissed at that time of day. It's just a no-win situation. And I can't do snacks or treats or anything because of the thyroid shit so this is just... how things are. Ugh.

Yoga was good. I immediately started work on my new necklace and that ended up being a whole-day project. It's still not even close to complete. I got my wrapped bloodstone out, arranged the tiger's eye and obsidian beads in a pattern I liked, picked out some wooden beads I want to add in to separate them... and then decided to decorate the raw wood beads. First I was going to draw on them, then I decided it might be easier to dye them and then carve away the ink? Mostly because archival ink was just smearing, it wasn't soaking into the wood. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to seal it in, and it would just smear and come off. I decided to dye the beads with my old Kuro Sumi tattoo ink. It sure ain't getting any other use. -_-

I decided this was as good a time as any to finally whip up that beeswax/oil wood finish mix, which was surprisingly easy to make. Then I dyed the beads, which was also very quick and simple. I started laundry while they dried. When I got back, I decided to try to seal one of the beads and the ink just... mixed with the wax paste and got everywhere. I have no idea how much ink actually absorbed into the wood or if it just caked onto it or something. To reduce the risk of black staining - because this ink is like... super permanent - I ended up deciding to go for more of an eroded look, and tried to strip off as much of the caked-on ink as I could. This took forever, in fact... my wrist is struggling to type right now because of it. Rubbing alcohol, the scouring pad side of a sponge, 130 grit sandpaper, just over and over. For 12 beads, one by one. When that was done, I popped a coat of the wax on and they've been chillin ever since. They came out pretty decent, I'll see tomorrow how they look with the stones.

The only step left after that is the weaving, which I was expecting to do most of the day today, but didn't do at all. I'm planning to do a... 6 strand... but doubled over, so technically 3 strand... and I'm planning to take a paper clip and shape part of it into a ringlet to start my weave on. That will end up being the anchor point for the clasp that will be tied to the other end. Then I'm going to weave about half the length of the side on both sides... so... probably about... 8-9 inches total? Maybe some square knots inbetween the beads to break it up a bit too. I'll play it by ear. I'm excited to see how it turns out.

That consumed the entire day. Not a bad thing, of course. Today was just... art problem solving, music and laundry. Planning to pick up where I left off tomorrow.

No deep thoughts tonight. No psychoanalysis. No dissecting the psyche and pondering existence. Just... I made some things that I'm conflicted on whether they're cool or not. But I made things, and they are uniquely mine. And that. THAT is art. Because I could go buy dyed beads off the shelf. Or order them delivered to my door via the internet. But these beads have the same exact ink in them that I injected manually into my own skin. There was a process. They are the first of their kind. They were handled individually and were crafted with intention by a person. I will always have the memory of the intense smell of rubbing alcohol as I tried to strip off the excess ink without staining my countertops. Devin Townsend's Nightwork in my ears. Those pieces were part of my life, they have a place in my memory. You can't say that about mass produced shit. You can't say that about emulated shit. So even if these beads aren't right for this piece, I'm 100% keeping them and using them for something. They are special!

And with this theory, it really makes me think - there is no bad art but lazy art. Art that intends to cut as many corners as possible to avoid being what it is claiming to be. I mean, I honestly am not sure if bad art is even a thing, but like... if it were? I'd think that's it. Because, typically, when you cut corners... that just means someone (or something) else is filling in the gaps. And the piece ends up being an expression of that person. Not the artist. So... it's still art, you know. But it's not your art. Right? Okay, I can tell I'm very overtired. I literally just said "no deep thoughts tonight" a paragraph and a half ago, I WAS SO CLOSE!!!

Sleep time.

[silcoseye]

Volatile: P5: Vaulting Ambition

info: "It's been years since Silco, Vander and (Y/N) split up. When Silco searches for his old friend again, asking them to help him teach a child he had recently taken in their 'explosive' craft, their feelings for him are reignited. The question remains if he burns for them just as bright as they do."

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8

thanks for continuing to read this fic even if I make huge breaks between chapters ;-; it's a lot of work heheh. One of my close friends did offer to edit for me but I'm too much of a perfectionist and would still want to go through it in case i wanted to add anything else. i have 3 more chapters planned and perhaps some inbetweens if i feel like it/am given suggestions. all i can say is I'm hoping you enjoy this one and I'm so excited to start work on ch 6!! enjoy simps <3

warnings: gender-neutral reader, starts soft, turns to angst, negative self image/self doubt and self depreciation- reader having a negative mindset, mentions of death, mentions of police brutality, violence, knives, cliffhanger ending hahaha.... plz forgive me

5792 words

When you arrived home from 'The Last Drop' you blinked in confusion as a courier set a parcel down in front of your door and rang the bell. Quickly moving to them, your keys jingling in hand, you let them know you lived there and took the box from them, bringing it into your home and locking your door behind you. Curiously, you set your bag down, hand skimming over your neatly written name and address on the brown paper wrapping it- in Silco's writing. You kneeled on the floor in front of your coffee table, tearing the paper apart and finding a smooth box inside, as well as your letter in neat handwriting. Silco's again.

I'll see you later today. Enjoy the gift. That's is all it said, and your eyes widened as you lifted the lid off the box, eyes scanning over the very fancy clothing inside. You pulled it out delicately, eyes darting over the article. It wasn't something that reminded you of Piltover's fashion; the patterns were neatly stitched together yet mismatched, but the red and black colour scheme with hints of gold along the seems and details stuck out to you. Silco's colours. You recoiled slightly, dropping it self-consciously back in the box and sitting back on your haunches.

What was this? Why was he giving you gifts, being so nice to you? It was very unlike him. He had told you he would get you anything you wanted and required- all you had asked him for so far was to help you with your job of educating Jinx: equipment once it got damaged from frequent use; chemical refills and top-ups; notebooks; metal and metal parts. Nothing personal.  Maybe this was his way of saying he was impatient in waiting for your request? Maybe he was subtly claiming you as his own...

What was this all for? Having your own feelings for him reciprocated this much was alien. And his dubious intentions muddled your mind even more.  It almost pushed you over the edge, made you want to cower away and hide from him. Millions of questions flooded your brain at once, but the main one that struck out was: Where in the stars was he going to take you?

You looked back at the clothing in the box that had been recklessly placed back. Gingerly, you reached a hand to stroke the material as if it were a skittish cat. Smooth, expensive, strange- unfamiliar. Should you just tell him you can't go tonight? Something else came up? You realised you had a project left unfinished that couldn't wait? You got distracted? The latter seemed more plausible but he'd likely just find you in your home and persuade you to follow him anyway. There really was no use in hiding.

To be true, you did want to see him today, but this outfit... He must have spent good money on it. It would be a shame if you never wore it... Would it even fit? How did he even know your measurements?  You should likely just give it back to him, if you end up going later today. Or at another time? Or not at all? Should you eat before you go- if you go? Oh stars, was it another restaurant? Would this one be full of people? Would they all stare at the two of you?  You didn't even know what you'd order. What if you picked something so foreign and disgusting you couldn't eat it and embarrass yourself? What if your nerves made you too anxious and nauseous to eat? Would he be concerned?

You felt the urge to just crumple to the floor and weep until you noticed another note that you missed. Perhaps it was hidden in the clothing and had fallen out as you picked it up. This was also written in Silco's handwriting. You read:

Stop stressing and wear it. Don't even think about returning it. I'm really looking forward to seeing you.

You felt your face flush with warmth, your cheeks filling with crimson and a small squeak slipping out of your lips- you quickly pressed your hands to your face to hide. You lay back on the floor, clutching the note against your chest. Stars Silco was...

"Mindreader," You muttered to yourself, feeling the edges of your lips turning up in a smile.

Fine.

If he wanted to see you so badly, you just had to put on your bravest face and ignore your rapid heartbeat. Slowly raising yourself from the floor, you picked up the box. Making a quick detour to the kitchen, you ate a snack and went to get ready, doing your usual skincare routine and brushing your teeth. You laid out the outfit on your bed and smoothed it down, inspecting it once again. With a nervous sigh, you picked it up, holding it against your body and glancing in the mirror. The measurements appeared correct. Perhaps this outfit would fit... And not look too bad.

In fact, it was possible you looked amazing. You shamelessly raked your eyes over your body and smiled in satisfaction. Silco did always have good taste and was well dressed, you shouldn't expect anything less really. You sat down to finish getting ready- styling your hair, putting on makeup that you deemed necessary. Soon, it was time for you to leave.

You had your reservations about walking through the streets of Zaun in such expensive clothing- without the terrifying reputation Silco built for himself over the years, you were just a person in a fancy outfit. You prayed to the stars above no one would stop you or rob you of the keys and the pouch of coins you carried in the fairly deep pockets.

The doors of the empty 'Last Drop' swung shut behind you as you looked around the almost empty establishment. The bartender was the only one there, meticulously cleaning glasses. He was unfamiliar to you- a replacement you guessed. You wondered what had happened to the previous bartender- had they done something wrong?

"Hey," You called his attention, startling the boy so much he almost clumsily dropped the glass. You winced as you stopped infront of the bar, hands finding your pockets and fingers grazing over the cool metal and soft pouch, "You're new here, aren't you?" You asked, and he nodded,

"J-Just training," He said, "Did you want something uhm- I can get you ah..." he didn't finish the sentence, words dying on his tongue as he just stared at you. Tilting your head to the side you waited a moment for him to finish, collect himself, but the boy just stared. Realising the silence was now certainly uncomfortable, you spoke up,

"Where's Silco?" you bluntly asked the shocked boy. He shakily pointed to the stairs, and you nodded easily stepping over the staff blockade,

"Y-You look great!" Your head spun to look at the boy, who seemed to cower slightly away from your curious gaze. With a small smile, you nodded, thanked him, and resumed your journey upstairs, hands smoothing over the outfit in a small proud smile.

You tapped your knuckles to the door gently and pushed it open at the tired 'come in' you heard from within. The smell of smoke hit you first; the room was cloudy, full of it. A lit cigar, perched between Silco's thin lips, was the source, the end burning bright orange as he inhaled, his form partially obscured. More smoke emanated from his mouth, and as you focused on his eyes, you watched his posture straighten, leaning against the back of the chair. His lips tugged themselves into a small satisfied smile behind the curtain of smoke as you shut the door behind yourself and put your arms out, turning from side to side as you crossed the room in a strange but playful dance, showing off the outfit. You came to a halt a few feet before his desk, arms falling to your sides and sliding up to find the pockets,

"Well well... I won't lie, I am surprised you put it on," his smile widened ever so slightly at your mock glare, "Don't blame me," He said, taking a final inhale of the cigar and dropping it into his ashtray, decorated by Jinx, "I know your nature is to reject any nice gift given to you. I'm glad you are wearing it though. You look good," Your own smile widened at the compliment, and you hoped he thought the blush dusting your cheeks was from the makeup and not your foolish happiness,

"Thanks for adding the pockets," You responded, trying to be smooth and confident, moving your exposed thumbs slightly and glancing down at them, "They were the main selling point to this whole outfit," You told him, eliciting a hum and gentle chuckle. He ran a hand over his hair, a few strands falling onto his forehead from where they were originally styled,

"Have you seen the inside ones?" you looked at him confused, "The pockets on the inside," He restated,

"There are pockets inside?" you gaped, making him shake his head slightly with an amused chuckle,

"My dear, you'd think I'd outfit you in a custom piece with no place for you to conceal a weapon?" He raised a brow, and you blinked, taken aback by his use of the term of endearment, "I may have this small luxury now, but I'm very aware the streets of Zaun are still violent," He chastised, standing and rounding the desk. He stopped in front of you, holding your gaze for a moment.

Suddenly, you became very distracted by the feeling of his hands against your front, undoing the buttons and holding one side of the outfit, showing you the empty pockets. You blinked, admiring his long fingers and relishing in the feeling of them pressing against you. Your heartbeat pounded loudly in your chest and quickly filled your ears almost in anticipation. With a dry swallow, you nodded in recognition and turned to meet his gaze. Searching his bi-coloured eyes for a moment, you found them unreadable- even his human one. If there was an emotion in them, it was one so foreign to you, you couldn't interpret it. With a nervous laugh, you tilted your head and broke the intense eye contact, before giving him a pleasant smile,

"Thanks for showing me. Without you, I wouldn't know they were... there" You said, still cheerful, even in your low tone, "Thank you again- it's a beautiful outfit and I don't know why you'd even get it for me ah-" You couldn't stop rambling suddenly, "How did you know my measurements?" You asked curiously, "It fits perfectly which-"

"Are they here, are they here!?" Jinx's excited voice cut you off as she practically bounced into the room, grinning eagerly, "They are!! We can go now, Dad!" She ran to Silco and grabbed his hand, tugging him towards the door, innocently ignorant of your close proximity together. You beamed at her excitement; clearly, she had also been invited along, and you really didn't mind. Silco's form barely moved as she stopped trying to drag him after her, and instead, she turned to look between the two of you curiously, "Silco, you said we could go once they got here. They are here. Can we go?" She whined impatiently, and you noticed she was clutching a small bag that rattled with marker noises, and that she was hugging the notebook you had gifted her close to her chest with one hand. You glanced to the man next to you with a smile, meeting his pained and apologetic look,

"(Y/N)," He began, but you shook your head, taking a step towards the door of the office,

"I have no issues with her coming along," You said calmly, "Wherever we're going sounds exciting, Jinx," You said, and her wide grin returned as she eagerly grabbed your hand, pulling you along. Willingly you followed her, Silco trailing after you and pausing to lock the door.

Once you were outside in the streets, you quickly recognised he was taking you through the back lanes. Even in daylight, you wouldn't dare go through these areas of the undercity. The one time you had tried to take a shortcut on a day Silco had asked you to come in, you lost count of how many times you had almost been pickpocketed and counted your blessings when you saw a quick flash of a knife almost cut you. You darted into the bar, breathing heavily and only slightly late, but knew enough to not go this way.

Clearly, Silco didn't share the same fears as you. He didn't need to. You watched at how calmly he walked, taking measured, confident strides, shoulders proudly raised as he eyed his daughter eagerly running ahead of him, The lanes were almost empty, and those who were there kept to themselves and didn't dare bother the three of you,

"Marcus got to me eventually," He sighed deeply, breaking the silence between you. He cast a sidelong glance your way, and perhaps he admired you, his gaze lingering slightly on your body in this outfit, "It was like you said, (Y/N). A random accident before the perpetrators got away," He let out a deep sigh, "No witnesses," he said, pausing in his short speech,

"At least you're here now," You said, trying to pull him back to you as you saw him rapidly sinking in to his thoughts. His head lifted, red and black eye glancing at you quickly,

"Right... Yes," He said, "Here now," He muttered, and you let yourself walk closer to him, shoulder brushing against his,

"Did he say anything else worth mentioning?" You asked, trying to change the topic,

"They'll lead an investigation but it won't be successful. I had any obvious evidence removed or fabricated to lead them away," You nodded your head slightly, "He informed me my bartender had been helping himself to the product when he thought no one was around," He sighed deeply,

"So you hired a scrawny kid to poor drinks?" You asked, and he sighed,

"He was the only one available and qualified... Surprisingly," He said, "He got some extra training under the impression he would be helping. He is. But this job won't allow him to slack off," He spoke,

"You're teaching him a lesson?" You asked amused, and he glanced at you,

"If that's how you want to think of it, then yes," He said, and you hummed, nodding,

"Teacher Silco," You mused, glancing at him with a small smile,

"My dear, I believe you are the better teacher between the two of us," He said, and his gaze once again drifted to Jinx, giving you a moment to yourself, heartbeat racing at the intimate moment.

"So why are we here?" You asked after a while of just walking. You were now in another abandoned building, not the same one that led down to the aquarium lab, but a different one, that felt familiar to you. Now, you were gently holding on to Jinx's hand as the girl stood between you and her father, regarding him with her own curious confusion. He had been quiet for the most part- mostly talking and humouring Jinx with whatever she wanted to hear, Silco occasionally responding with his usual short answers to any questions you asked him,

"I wanted to show you something... Do you remember this place?" He asked. At your shake of the head, you observed as he approached a door, "I thought maybe there was a chance you would remember this place," he spoke to you. He didn't sound disappointed. Glancing over his shoulder and meeting your gaze for a short moment, he spoke again, elaborating "It was dark when we came here first... Years ago now" He mumbled, the door opening.

For a moment you were blinded, moving a hand to shield your eyes from the bright white light that flooded your vision, and illuminated the dilapidated building you were standing in. Slowly blinking, you let yourself adjust to the light and then moved your hand out of the way.

The sky before you was a pale blue, and large white clouds lazily danced along its surface in a circular fashion. The air was addictively clean, rushing in and replacing all the toxic chemicals that your lungs had grown used to, lapping it up like a starved creature, causing you to almost gasp, trying to get enough of this pure oxygen. Your eyes prickled with tears of joy, a smile gracing your lips. Feeling so elated, you hardly recognised Jinx's hand slipping from yours, or her eager footsteps as she ran outside towards the brightness.

Who knew the sky was just as beautiful in the day as she was at night?

"Would you care to join us, (Y/N)?" His smooth voice coaxed you to break your gaze away from the outside world and step into it. He was standing outside now, pausing halfway in, halfway out and outstretching a hand out for you to take. Fearlessly, you let the tear slip down your cheek, meeting him in the doorway as you still marvelled at the real world as your hand slid into his comfortably. The naturally beautiful one. The world you deserved. You barely registered a feather-like touch skimming your cheek, and briefly, you turned your head to catch Silco's eye as he whipped the tear from your cheek, "Don't cry," He said softly, and you felt like melting.

He took a step forward, offering you his arm that you gladly looped your own into, and off you went. The stroll by the river was quiet at first, the sounds of a gentle breeze rustling through the grass, the birds chirping their songs occupying your senses and filling you with joy. Jinx ran a little ahead of you again but kept glancing back and excitedly asking about the different flowers, and bugs she would see in the tall grass nearby,

"Oh, what's this?" she gaped, stopping to point a hand at a peculiar, white plant that resembled a tuft of fur. Unhooking your arm from Silco's you moved to her, crouching next to her,

"Those are called dandelions," you told her, pointing to a bright yellow flower amongst the dark green grass, "That's what they start like,"

"How'd it get so fluffy?" She asked, her eyes widening as you reached for the white puff, breaking the stem, and moving it closer to her,

"If you look closely, this fluff is just super thin fibres that allow it to travel in the wind. And at the bottom- this brown bit- this is a seed," You explained, "So when it flies away, the seed gets planted and there are more dandelions," Her eyes were wide with awe and happiness, "We can blow it out together?" you offered,

"Like the birthday cake?" you nodded,

"Mhm- and you also get to make a wish here," You said, smiling wider at her excitement,

"A special plant candle!?" She asked eagerly, and you nodded at her childish antics, "Ok ok, give me a second I need to think of a good wish," She squeezed her eyes tightly, moving her arms excitedly, unable to keep still. Patiently and expectantly, you watched her, "OK got it," She suddenly said, looking at you excitedly, "Do you have yours (Y/N)?"

"Yeah! Ready?" You counted her down and together blew the puffs away into the grass, both watching in silence as they floated away in small bursts, some landing in the thick grass before you and some disappearing further away,

"What did you wish (Y/N)? Did it come true?" she asked eagerly, grabbing your arm,

"I wished for Sevika to be nicer," you smiled playfully, to which Jinx squeaked,

"But now it won't come true... Oh," She giggled, glancing around, "I wanna find more," She said, "I wanna know the limit to these wishes," she said, determined,

"There's a few just over here," Silco's voice interrupted your wholesome exchange, and you were thankful you could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke, unbothered by this distraction "Just a little further this way," he urged, and you returned to your spot next to him, arm going back to his. You thought of anything to talk to him, but for the first time in a while, you drew a blank. There was something so beautiful about the world surrounding you, it took your breath straight from your lungs and wouldn't let you speak. Desperately, you racked your brain for anything to say, "Go on, (Y/N)," He said with an amused smile, making you look at him confusedly, "Clearly you're curious about something," He elaborated, "What are you thinking?" He asked,

"What's going on? Why are we here?" You asked after another moment,

"I told you already it was a surprise," he reminded,

"This isn't the surprise yet?" You gestured with your free hand to the world around you, eyes wide,

"It's part of it. Stay patient, dear," You blushed again, but nodded, glancing at Jinx and telling her not to pick up the yellow dandelions as they were poisonous. After a few moments of walking, you turned up at an old building,

"Is..." your eyes scanned the building, "It's not," Your smile grew as he nodded, "It is?" You asked for confirmation, happily grinning, "Oh my stars- I thought surely it'd be broken down by now," You said, moving  eagerly towards the building,

"What is it?" Jinx asked, following after you,

"When I was a little older than you are now, Silco brought me here... It's where I saw the stars for the first time... The opening closer to here must have flooded by now, considering you didn't take that passageway," Turning to see Silco's small smile and confirming nod, "But I vaguely remember this..." You pushed open the door, letting it creak, and revealing the interior was empty. There was a large hole in the house, crashing through the roof, first and accumulating leftover rubble in the living room area. This strange window let through the last moments of sunlight before dawn, and you were quickly drawn to the reds, oranges and pinks rapidly filling the sky and subsequent room, "Oh wow..." You whispered to yourself and heard Jinx stopping next to you. It was beautiful. You hadn't wanted to cry tears of joy- you were close to. The feeling of your eyes stinging gently forced you to blink quickly as you marvelled at the view,

"Come here," Silco caught your attention, having snuck in behind you and sat on a bench that had roughly been made of a few wooden boards salvaged from the wreck you were standing in front of. Silco was bathed in the bright oranges and reds of a polluted sky, the light making his features appear sharper and more handsome. As you didn't move quick enough, he tilted his head, involuntarily giving you better access to stare at his neck and jawline, "Do you want your surprise?" He asked,

"This still isn't the surprise?" You asked in shock, your tone and wide eyes made him laugh loudly. And when you heard him snort softly between laughs, your heart fluttered warmly, making you giggle softly to yourself. Jinx turned to look at you with a confused expression, probably very confused as to why her nearly emotionless father was suddenly so expressive,

"Course it's not," He said, smiling at you, "You think all I can offer for you is an old building?" He said, shaking his head, and glancing over as Jinx moved out of view to doodle on the walls of the house, already marked by fading spraypaint with the markers she brought,

"You also bought me this?" you said, putting your arms out to gesture to the outfit, "What's all this for?" You asked in confusion, dropping your hands back down. He simply watched you, a small smile set on his lips. This lighting, the bright orange of a setting sky, illuminated him in such a strange yet handsome way. He looked utterly relaxed, leant back against the backboard of the bench and shamelessly looking at the outfit on your body. You felt yourself blushing and

"It's for you," He said, "It's always for you," He said, "I bought you back to the places that I knew made you happiest... You're still clinging to the past somehow, aren't you? You want things to always be this way" he read you like a book, and you felt your lips part slightly in a shock, "I keep telling you I can make you happier now. I'll give you whatever you want,"

"Why..." You breathed "For what?" you asked. He remained quiet for a moment, studying you, waiting for his words to sink in. He sighed then,

"Why can't you accept what's given to you?" he asked with a small sigh, "Must you always ask so many questions?" He asked, eyes flicking to the sky before you,

"Isn't it necessary when you don't give me straightforward answers?" You responded, gazing at him, "Why do you care for me so much, Silco? I thought 'emotions are a distraction.' That's what you always said, isn't it?" His eyes looked back at you, searching your face. His expression was serious but otherwise unreadable as he remained quiet for a moment

"Did you ever see Vander? After what happened?" He asked curiously, the topic of your surprise seemingly forgotten. As you looked off to the side, thinking about your answer, he spoke again, "Did you do anything for him?" He asked softly. Anyone else likely would have missed the hint of sadness that clung to those words,

"He was... different," You started, "The day after, he found me in our home. He was cold. He told me you died and if you'd been here. I lied and told him no. I didn't tell him I helped you. I was scared he'd-" you shook your head, dismissing those thoughts and continuing on, "He just said it didn't matter anymore. You were gone," your voice was low, sadness clear in your tone, "The violence with topsiders would be gone too. He then told me I had two options: I could either let those ideas die with you... Or I could join him,"

"And you didn't?" He finished for you, dual coloured eyes boring into you expectantly. His features flooded with relief as you nodded your head,

"To tell you the truth, I didn't want to live in a world without you, Silco," you said bravely, "I've always hated Piltover and been loyal to Zaun. I honestly didn't know what to do with myself once you were gone," You explained, "Vander directed me to the mines. He said my talents wouldn't be useful anywhere else" You said sadly, "And that's where you found me,"

"He was wrong," Silco remarked next to you. You heard the slight ruffle of clothes and felt his cold hand as it rested against the back of the bench, brushing against the exposed skin of your neck, "Your talents were never useless," He muttered. You bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from shivering at his cool touch but refused to look at him,

"Right. They're useful to Jinx now," You sighed, and remained quiet, hoping he would speak. When he didn't, you turned to look at him, regarding him, "May I ask you something?"

"Always," he sighed, watching you with an intense, unreadable gaze,

"Why are you asking me to teach Jinx how to make the bombs?" You noticed the slight roll in his eyes as you bought up the topic yet again. Opening his mouth to answer, revealing jagged, almost fang-like teeth, you quickly interrupted, "Do not give me some bullshit about her safety again," Your answer shocked him enough to widen those bicoloured eyes and shut his mouth, "I need to know the whole truth," You said. Met with his silence, you impatiently brought your hands together, clenching your fingers to stop them from shaking, "You aren't... Using her for any of your plans regarding Piltover, are you?" You didn't meet his gaze. You looked off to the side,

"(Y/N)," He warned, and you swore you could feel his glare burning into your skull, "To even insinuate I would willingly want to put my daughter in the face of danger-"

"Why are you teaching her then?" You asked with a frown,

"Safety-"

"The Silco I knew always had ulterior motives," You accused, "The Silco I knew didn't care for safety, or how many people got hurt as long as he got the results he needed. I doubt you spent time with me solely because you enjoyed my company all those years," You scoffed, true emotions that had been dormant for years finally bubbling up, "Is this it? Did you only want me to teach her what you couldn't? Or did you hope you could make her into a weapon- Silco!" You yelped in surprise as he stood up quickly, raking a hand through his hair. His posture was no longer relaxed but incredibly tensed, angry,

"I don't know who has been filling you with these thoughts or why you're even thinking like this," He said lowly, and you noticed how his hands shook as he clenched and unclenched them, "But these lies and fabrications stop here," He declared, turning to face you and glaring, his lean figure illuminated almost menacingly by the setting red sun,

"I'm simply curious," You said defiantly, standing to meet him, squinting in the light, "Silco, it's been almost a year since you came and reunited with me again. I've been thinking about this for a while now; I'm not influenced by anyone but myself" You said, moving to stand opposite him so you could see his face clearly. The sunlight was rapidly disappearing now, and his stern features were bathed in a fading orange glow, "But- and you call me ungrateful all you want- I realised that you could have come and seen me at any point," You sighed deeply, shoulders slumping in defeat, "At any point, you could have found me in those mines, had you wanted to. You. Yourself. With no other need for it than seeing me, a person who I genuinely thought you cared for. Once you realised I was only something you could use to benefit your 'cause', you found me and gave me no option. And I was so blind because it was you. My... My..." You struggled for words, and let out a frustrated groan, "Stars!! Silco, I thought perhaps you cared for me just a little bit.  I was wrong. It's abundantly clear you only care for Zaun and nothing else, and it has always been this way!" You said coldly, quickly moving for the exit to the house, "This is the last time I let my feelings run so rampant. Don't look for me again. I don't want to see you," Glancing in the direction of where you had last seen the blue-haired girl, you eyed her pink, unfinished drawing, "Jinx knows everything I could ever possibly teach her too... Her lessons are finished. Have a good evening," You muttered as you exited, not daring to look back a final time at his red and blue mismatched eyes.

Swiftly walking down into the streets again, you let your tears slip down your cheeks reluctantly. You'd already cried over Silco enough in your youth. How foolish had you been to think he had changed at all in the near-decade you hadn't seen him. All he ever did was use those around him until they weren't useful to his cause anymore.

And how dare you think so highly of him when you were a mere afterthought for him? It was clear he was just buying into your affections to stay and teach his daughter how to be violent- no doubt for his personal uses later on. Always scheming, always planning. Void of all humanity. That's who Silco was. That's who he was always destined to be.

It was selfish of you to think the years would change him. You grew up with him; you watched his vaulting ambition in hopes of one day ruling Zaun propel him into power alongside Vander, their stubborn and violent natures becoming overbearing and overpowering. Until the betrayal. He slunk down into the sewers, shutting you out, and plotting his revenge. Now he had it all. And he had lost you. How easily would he replace you now that-

"Hey!" You were snapped out of your thoughts, swiftly turning to stare at a group of enforcers you had passed by unknowingly, too occupied by your racing thoughts, trying to quickly hide your tear-stained face as they approached, heavy footsteps menacingly stopped before you, followed by the heavy exhale of air through their masks, "What are you doing here?" One of them asked, voice muffled by the contraption on their mouth. You glanced between the three of them who suddenly crowded around you,

"I'm going home," You said, desperately trying not to let the shakiness in your voice show. You clenched your fists, and glared at them, "So leave me alone,"

"Home, eh?" The amusement in their voice told you clearly they didn't believe you, "Down here? In the slums? Pretty thing like you shouldn't be down here by yourself," They said, and you felt like pray around hungry dogs. You felt a hand brush against the neat outfit's shoulders, touching your hair as one of them circled behind you, blocking you from running from them. Shit,

"I- A friend gave this to me these-" you stuttered nervously,

"So the clothes' are stolen?" You gasped as one grabbed you by the front, pulling you closer to their metal-clad face to inspect your fearful expression,

"No, I promise-" You attempted, but barely got a word in,

"Shut it," Harshly they threw you down to the ground, making you wince as you placed a hand down to try and brace yourself, pain shooting down your arm, "Search them to make sure they don't have anything else that shouldn't belong to them," Feeling their invasive hands on you, you fought back, wishing you had something to protect yourself with. You wished you knew about those concealed pockets sooner. You wished you weren't an idiot who left their knife at home and went on a stroll in the most dangerous areas of Zaun. You wished Silco was with you.

Gasping, you felt them cutting into the expensive material with daggers of their own, roughly searching your pockets. Pulling, ripping and grabbing at you, then barking orders you cowered away from as you moved too much. Somehow, you worried more for what Silco would say about you not taking good care of this outfit more than the cuts rapidly flooding them with red.

Your sharp cries filled the near-empty alley as you were beaten for every wrong movement and violently searched. Anyone who had been lurking in the shadows quickly left, offering you no help. Your attempts at fighting back proved futile, met with kicks, punches and slashes of a sharp knife. You attempted to hold the suggestion of clothing covering your bloody and bruising skin for as long as you could, and you eventually succumbed to their violence, mind floating off into a swarm of blue and red, then black.

[fairestwriting]

Hello Lis! I adore your writing, it always gives me butterflies. May I request hcs for how Vil, Azul, Floyd, Lilia, and Epel would take care of their dancer s/o who is injured, but is reluctant to rest or accept extra help because they dislike relying on others? (Me? Projecting my problems onto fictional characters? It's more likely than you think!) Thank you so much, and I hope you have a lovely day!

im glad you like my writing ^_^ i Am telling you though to rest up and take care of yourself sillyhead.

+ if you like my writing, you can buy me a ko-fi to support me!

Vil Schoenheit

He’s a performer, he’s had his fair share of things like these happening to him... and of feeling the way you did, not wanting to rely on others.

Vil knows that sort of unease better than anyone, and he’ll let you know that, a hand placed on your shoulder as he seriously lectures you, without his usual naggy tone. He finishes his spiel by telling you firmly that it is okay for you to rely on others, because if you wanted to continue dancing, you’d have to be sure you healed well.

Won’t let you practice while you’re still hurt, encouraging you to take a good break and take care of yourself. Brings you healthy snacks inbetween classes and asks how you’re doing, if you needed anything from him.

When you get back to practice, he’ll be on your case too, trying to make sure you don’t push yourself too hard. Remember, it’ll only do you worse in the end! He really doesn’t want something like this to hurt you again.

Azul Ashengrotto

Also relates to it somehow, but just in the emotional aspect. He does have a huge issue with accepting help from others...

Takes a bit to brainstorm on how he could help you in a way that doesn’t make you uncomfortable. It ends up mostly being “keeping you busy” so you couldn’t force yourself to go back to practice.

He plans some low-effort dates, not taking a lot of movement, so you can stay entertained and not get back to dancing when you’re not supposed to. Things like watching movies or trying out games together, maybe studying when exams are coming up. Things that make you feel like you’re not just wasting your time.

Checks up on you a lot more often since the injury, trying to make sure that you’re not going over your limits too much. Brings you water bottles after practice and encourages you to take breaks as you see fit, all with a supportive smile.

Floyd Leech

No way Floyd’s letting you practice when you’re this messed up. No, Shrimpy needs to rest.

You swear it’s like he develops a tracking sense overnight, everytime you try to pretend everything is fine and go back to work, Floyd shows up behind you and picks you up off the ground, telling you how this was no good, you needed to wait until you actually can get back to this without hurting yourself!

He makes sure you’re not bored while you’re healing though. He’ll be by your side for as long as you want him to! Floyd is good at coming up with fun things to do, and he’ll find a way or another to put a smile on your face.

He’s not so good with the emotional side of that, not sure on how he could show you that there’s nothing wrong with accepting help from others. He hopes his pushiness gets the message through somehow.

Lilia Vanrouge

Isn’t having any of it. He understands that you don’t like your situation, but you really do need to heal before doing anything, and he will make sure you do so. You have activated his mother instincts.

If you’re affiliated to a club or a studio, he’ll let them know himself that you’re hurt and can’t show up to practice for a bit, telling them to not let you in if you try to come. It’s... sort of forceful, but he means well. He really is worried.

Lilia seems really easygoing most of the time, but he’s fully capable of getting really naggy. You’ll actually get a lecture from him like this. He softens halfway through, though, putting a hand on your hair and admitting, a bit quieter, that he’s just concerned about you not giving your body the time to rest. He thinks you should be kinder with yourself. Reminds you that he’s here for you, and that he’ll do his best for you to feel better soon.

Buys you food you like if being still put you in a bad mood, he was thinking about making them yourself but when he told Silver, he turned pale and begged him not to... so they’re mostly from the school cafeteria.

Epel Felmier

Worried as all hell as soon as he finds out you got injured, and was trying to just keep practicing anyway. Grabs you by the shoulders and asks if you’re insane, you’re just going to hurt yourself more this way!

Immediately feels bad for the scolding though -- Vil was rubbing off on him, huh -- and apologizes, changing his approach to asking you more gently to stop overworking yourself, give your body a break before you get back to your activities...

He’s uneasy about doing much more, knowing that you’re not very comfortable with asking for help from others, but he’ll be around often, asking you if you needed anything to try to coax you into relying on him a little bit. He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but he also doesn’t want to leave you alone in this.

If you do actually ask him for anything, he’ll be eager to deliver! Epel just wants you to get better soon, he knows this took a toll in your mood and he hates seeing you like this...

[redstoneverdict]

Ok so this is inspired by @petrichormeraki hermit tommy au, go check them out they both come up with great stuff.

Tommy has been living with the hermits for almost 2 and a half months now and honestly he can’t remember the last time he felt like he could just let himself breath. The first few weeks were rough, seeing that joe hills found him passed out and a few steps away from death door one day when he was out and about. Tommy didn’t think he would just be running for so long, trying to get as much distance between him and lmanburg as possible. But he should’ve know exustion would catch up to him eventually, especially having just narrowly escaping a group of pillagers.

It took them awhile to even get him to fully wake up again, and even after that he felt too weak to keep on running so grian offered to let him stay in his old hobbit hole. Tommy didn’t want to accept the mans pitty but he still couldn’t even lift up a sword much less build a temporary starter base so he caved in. It only took about another week of relaxation before he was able to fully run around again and took up helping grian around his base and his various projects as a sort of payment for letting him stay in his old base.

Tommy was surprised with how well they got along, but honestly it shouldn’t have been to much of a shock seeing as they both love red and tend to be more of the michivsious type. It probably helped that Grian reminded him so much of his older brother Wilbur, he almost asked one day if the two was related somehow but decided against it. Tommy doesn’t want another connection to the pass he is trying to leave behind.

Currently they where gathering materials for grians barge and had been at it for most of the day, and had started chatting away about various things like best ways to prank people and what is xisuma hideing under his helmet, before falling into a comfortable silence. Tommy used to not be able to stand the silence, having always filled with with whatever comes to mind, but during his exiled, and when he ran away, he started to become more quiet. Why talk when there was no one there to hear you anyway, well anyone that was actually alive and could remember the inside jokes you where attempting to make.

Tommy’s thoughts drift to his brother, Wilbur. He still sort of feels bad for leaving without even telling him, seeing as he was the only one besides dream who actively tried to help him and vist him back in logshire, but honestly he probably would’ve forgotten him too by now, just like every other bad memory. He feels a tap on his shoulder.

“-tommy are you even listening?” Grian ask, takeing a step back after seeing tommy jump in his skin and pull out his sword before realizing it’s just grian.

“Oh sorry” Tommy says sheepishly, “I was just cought in my own thoughts, what is it?” He ask puting his sword away.

“ I said we’ve been working for awhile, how about we take a break and eat something” grian says pointing over to a shady spot in the distance.

Tommy didn’t notice the ache in his arms untill grian mentioned it and agreed, packing up their shoker boxes and flying over there, he still wasn’t quite used to useing elytra but feeling the wind blowing pass him definitely helped ground him after having thought about the past.

The two sat and ate for awhile, laughing at a story about how mumbo really made a his demise bunkers door code 1,2,3,4 and then falling into silence as they ate some more.

“ ya know” grian said inbetween bites of a sandwich he had brought, “ we always say mumbos the youngest around here but I don’t think I ever cought your age” he puts the sandwich down, “ and I’d rather not assume since I look pretty young myself, but how old are you?”

Tommy pauses and think, how old is he? He hadn’t really thought about since leaving. “ Um, what day is it?” He ask.

“ April 13th” Grian replys, looking kinda worried.

“ oh”, Tommy pauses, had it really been that long since he ran away? He shrugs “ I guess I’m 17 now, my birthday was on the 4th”, he says nonchalantly, taking another bite out of his pork chop.

“REALLY?” Grian is shocked, he figured tommy was at least 18 but finding out he was just 16 when joe found him all beaten up and knocking on deaths door steps puts him back a bit. But he can’t really be one to judge seeing how his teenage years where, and he knows that if he had the chance he would’ve ran away from it all a lot sooner then he did. “ wow wish I knew sooner, we could’ve thrown you a party or something” he says giving tommy a playful nudge, but tommy goes still and a look crosses over his face.

“N-no” Tommy says, furrowing his eyebrows and looking away, “no it’s alright, I kinda don’t do parties anymore. The last one I tried to throw, no one even showed up, I mean dream did-“ Tommy whinces, saying his name “but he doesn’t really count”

“No one?” Grian ask, taking note of dreams name, it’s the first time tommy has said someone’s name from his past, and he’s surprised it’s someone he vaguely knows, but he keeps quiet about it for now.

“Nope, not my best friend, not even my own family” Tommy’s voice lowers on the last part, pain written all over his face, before he pushes himself up. “ But now of that really matters now, does it?”. Tommy’s whole demeanor changes as he goes back into his usual self. “ how about we load up your shit head back to the shopping district before it gets to late yeah? I got other things to do besides being your bitch”

Grian knows tommy has been trying to cut back on his swearing, and that he’s just trying to change and get away from the subject as fast as he could, but Grian wasn’t going to push the matter. He knows what it’s like to feel like you’re not wanted by anyone and he knows that tommy will talk about it when he’s ready.

“ hey watch your mouth before I make ya eat a spider eye again” grian gets up “ but yah you’re probably right, it is getting late and I’d rather not lost all my stuff over 3000 blocks out.” He puts his hand on the larger boys shoulder and looks up at him “ you go ahead and take off and I’ll pack up what whatever we might of left”

Tommy looks back at the smaller man, he knows Grian isn’t stupid, but is thankful he is letting it slide for now. “ thanks grian.” He says softly, for once not feeling like he has to make his voice boom in order to be heard

Grian smiles back reassuringly, “ no problem kiddo, now go on get out of here” he says shooing tommy off as he takes flight heading towards the shopping district.

Grian stares at his shrinking figure and thinks. He doesn’t know what has happened to Tommy, but it’s obvious it’s was something painful enough to make him run away into the wilderness at such a young age. Grian picks up their remaining supplies before putting the shoker into in inventory. In any case, was was going to talk to the other hermits and organize a surprise birthday party for Tommy. He may not have any fond memories at the moment but grian would be dammed if he didn’t try to help the boy form new ones. Ones where he knows that he is apreacited. 

[rinnepegger]

Hey I saw you write for idolish7 and fjsnwkfjjcd yesssss

May I request Iori with an intelligent s/o (and Iori thinks they're the cutest person ever)?

Thankssss, good to see an i7 writer x)

SO SORRY FOR GETTING BACK SO LATE I WAS TAKING A BREAK AAA. But anyways it's late at night at no one is bothering me so I finally can write this hehe. Great to see i7 asks! Whoopee. Anyway I hope u enjoy this one!!<3 Also this turned out to be a slight drabble but do I regret it, absolutely not.

TW/CW: fluff, Gn!Reader

Iori Izumi With an Intelligent S/O

Finally no more conversing with an airheaded idiot no shade to riku he's still cute okay 😟

But, he finally gets to have conversations with other people that actually gets his brain moving, and the fact that this person is his partner just makes everything way better than it already is.

Occasional friendly debates and the way you make your reasoning so clear and concise, the way you carefully pick and choose your words and form actual coherent sentences.

The way you get all defensive when someone makes fun of you for liking something just fills him up with a sense of pride.

He secretly hopes that that's how you would defend him in an argument ehhe.

And sometimes, your arguments are just too good to counter, thus he admits defeat.

Not entirely because he actually gives up, but also partially due to the way 'sweet victory' is laced in your sweet smile as you punch through the air is also really adorable and endearing. He can't help but smile or chuckle to himself a tad bit and have pink dusted all over his face.

But he would never lie to you during an argument. Come on, the only reason you guys have these debates is because you want to test each other, and he will respect that, since he is a gentleman :D

The slight pout on you face when he wins an argument is also really adorable.

He just loves to watch your expressions basically.

Although rare, he occasionally does feel upset after a loss, and that's where you come in!

You pepper his face with kisses while hugging him and comforting him like a little baby. Slight teasing inbetween 👁️👁️

Of course he can't help but get flustered whenever you do this lol.

Whenever you pop by the i7 dormitory, he gets all red and shy from your sudden appearance. Of course the other members like to tease him about it but he'd never say anything to them that could potentially hurt you.

God does he love watching you from across the classroom, intently writing down notes while paying attention.

Your focused face is just really adorable-- the way your eyebrows furrow slightly, as you chew on the skin of your bottom lip.

The face of pride you make after spitting out a cool fact about whatever warms his insides completely. He's literally melting right infront of your very eyes.

The only time this man doesn't have something to say is when asked, why he's so awfully down bad for you.

He's just at a loss for words. Not because he's embarrassed of you, he's proud of you really. It's just that he knows that he'll just spout out some cheesy bs and he just wants to save himself the embarrassment.

When you two work on projects together and you're so excited to show off to him all your findings and research also makes him blush real hard, due to how adorable you look.

He also does poke your cheeks when he gets caught up in the moment. Occasionally squeezing them while smiling at you.

Also if you're lucky enough and he's brave enough, he'll cup your face and bring it closer to him as he gives you a quick pecks on the lips //////

Cue the blush after though, he got so caught up in the moment that he didn't even noticed what he had done.

But is he complaining? No, and neither are you so I guess it's a win-win situation :)

He also kinds just deadpans at you and mutters a "...how cute..." Like he does with Riku, except theres a slight difference when done to you and to him.

When he does it to you, you can clearly tell he forgets he's even in a public setting. Don't forget the blush on his cheeks too eheh.

Safe to say, you're his pride and joy and just never wants to lose you. You're too precious and adorable, he can and will never let go of you no matter how busy he might be.

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (February 3/2021) - The Egg Fights Back

Some interesting new discoveries are made about the Crimson, as Karl time travels once more to an older time.

In the present, Puffy attempts to destroy the Crimson and makes a discovery of her own:

The Crimson can defend itself.

---

- Fundy has figured out how to create life! In the form of little clay figures shaped like people, named after his viewers.

- The mini goblins have their own AI and are going to be able to path-find. If they path-find and combine enough, they’ll be able to fight.

- He can also destroy the ones that misbehave with a special stick.

- In the future, the clay figures will be more advanced. Though chat suggests giving the clay figures the ability to commit arson, Fundy decides that probably wouldn’t be the best idea.

- Tubbo opens his mailbox and reads his letter from Tommy.

- Tubbo’s decided that his goal for today is copious amounts of murder, in which he kills anyone he comes across.

---

It’s time for Tales From the SMP: “The Masquerade!”

A group of rich people come together to party...or so they thought.

---

The cast:

Karl plays Karl (just Karl)

Techno plays Sir Billiam III

Ranboo plays the Butler

Fundy plays Oliver Arachtenstein Cumbucket

Bad plays Lord Sebastian

Sapnap plays James

Niki plays Liaria

Quackity plays Drew P. Weiner

---

- Karl walks up to the mansion and meets a piggy fellow named Sir Billiam III, who is hosting a masquerade ball for rich people 

- Billiam introduces Karl to his overworked butler. 

- Karl falls off the stairway and Billiam explains that this is why they have railings

- Billiam shows Karl around to the various bedrooms. The wither painting is Billiam’s favorite.

- Billiam continues to tour Karl around until they reach the ballroom. Billiam calls for the Butler to fetch some wine.

- Oliver arrives to the party. He is living in London and likes to smoke, and wears a giraffe mask.

- Lord Sebastian is next to arrive.

- Next is James, an old friend of Billiam’s. James is divorced, his family gone. James tosses Karl a bottle of wine.

- Liaria arrives

- Drew P. Weiner, who is naked, arrives. He thought it was a nudist party. Billiam is flustered and wants him gone.

- Billiam had another butler named Hubert, but he ran off and now Billiam can’t find him.

- They go to sit at the bar in the ballroom. Billiam tells the butler to feed Drew poison.

- They then head to the dance floor and hang out.

- Drew is sick and the rest of the guests scatter in fear.

- After failing to poison Drew, they go to play Duck Duck Goose on the carpet.

- The lights go dark and they scatter. When the regroup, Drew’s body is found in a secret room

- Billiam has built a few panic rooms of his own. They split to look for more.

- Suddenly, the lights dim again. 

- When they come back, they find Liaria’s body lying on the wine barrels, and Oliver almost drowns in the aquarium.

- They discuss, drink lots of milk, and find a new secret passageway leading from the barrels to the ballroom.

- Billiam and Karl suspect it might be Sebastian, who was inspecting the wine. They start to confront him, but the lights go out once more. Karl runs with Sebastian.

- Billiam is found outside and must be let back in. 

- Karl shows them where Sebastian died. Karl says it must’ve been Oliver, since he saw Oliver right when the lights turned on.

- Karl has the idea to pair up this night. Karl goes with Billiam as the lights turn off.

- The two of them crawl back up from a secret chamber and find Oliver standing right near James’ body. They question Oliver and the Butler, suspecting them both.

- They give the Butler temporary freedom of speech for thirty minutes.

- At the end of discussion, they still suspect Oliver, and assign him the Butler as a buddy. The lights go dark as Karl stays with Billiam again.

- Billiam shows Karl a panic room armed with defensive fireworks for extreme situations.

- The Butler tells them that Oliver had a heart attack. Karl and Billiam start running from him.

- Billiam leads Karl to a new hiding spot. A secret room behind a painting. It’s his favorite panic room...because it has the Egg.

- Billiam tells Karl that in his travels, he found this mansion. A breeding ground for this mysterious Egg. And in his spare time, Billiam feeds poor people to the Egg as nourishment.

The Egg did the killings.

It can persuade people to do what it wants.

- The Butler begins to glow, and chases Karl down. The noises of stabbing can be heard as the screen goes dark.

- Karl wakes up in a white castle. There’s a wither rose and a book, and his clothes are all white.

The book calls it the inbetween. A dimension connected to Karl’s powers, a home away from home.

He doesn’t get to choose when he time travels, or when he returns, but his body doesn’t have to deteriorate.

If he explores the castle of the inbetween, then perhaps he can find the key to not lose himself.

He has to maintain the library, move it to a new land, and get people to join him. But he can’t let anybody else know what the inbetween is.

Until next time.

- Karl wakes up in his library and begins to write. One of the books is missing.

---

- Puffy has heard rumors that Tommy broke a piece of the Egg and nothing bad happened. Can she do the same?

- She breaks off a piece and it damages her, taking away around three hearts of health. She’s shocked and immediately stops trying to destroy it.

- Ranboo logs on and is confused by where he is. The maps are gone.

- Puffy gets a Prime Suit and goes back.

- Puffy tries breaking a different piece and it almost kills her, doing six hearts of damage. Why did this not happen to Tommy? She doesn’t think she can damage the Egg at all, even with TNT. Every time she goes to break it, it hurts more. A third time and she might not survive...

- Ranboo heads off in a direction.

- Puffy wonders if the Egg chose to let Tommy have a piece of the Egg, if the Egg doesn’t want to hurt Tommy. Maybe it wants Tommy to have part of it.

- Puffy needs to get Techno to help before the Eggpire gets Techno on their side. She needs to do something about this immediately.

- Ranboo makes it home and decides to check on the Egg.

- Puffy writes in the Captain’s Log. She shouldn’t have attempted to break the Egg. There’s some sort of difference between her and Tommy.

She and Tommy both have lost friends and made sacrifices. She thought she could fix this all on her own, but she couldn’t. She doesn’t have another attempt. Each try hurts more and more. But why did the Egg choose to spare Tommy?

It’s time for blood for the Blood God. It’s time for Technoblade.

Next stream, Puffy will visit Technoblade.

- Ranboo explores the SMP and is pleased by the grass blocks in L’Targay.

- As Puffy finishes writing, Ranboo hops down into the spider spawner. He makes his way to the secret room.

- Puffy goes to see Foolish’s builds and then goes to get quartz.

- Ranboo sees the Egg, waiting for it to say something. It doesn’t, so he graffitis it instead.

- Ranboo heads back home.

- He thinks people are probably going to create countries again. It’s already happened with Snowchester. So Ranboo doesn’t want to be involved.

- Puffy works on building projects and Ranboo continues to get rich.

---

Upcoming Events:

- Tommy’s next visit with Dream

- Bad wants to visit Dream again in the future

- Tubbo’s possible visit with Dream

- Quackity’s possible visit with Dream

- Sapnap’s visit with Dream

- Puffy’s visit with Dream

- Ponk’s visit with Dream

- Punz’s visit with Dream

- Jack Manifold’s visit with Dream

- The Eggpire possibly speaking with Technoblade

- Puffy meeting with Technoblade