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#knitted soldier
helloliriels · 6 months
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'When all is lost, your face I see ...
... Do you, still then, remember me?'
Remember Me by helloliriels (GIF art made to accompany ficlet)
Based on this actual knitted soldier found in UK for Remembrance Day, Syston, Liecestershire. (I've moved it to London .... shhhh!)
Uncle Rudy w/Baby Sherlock, Mummy Holmes with Kindergarten Lock, Teenlock w/Mycroft, Sherlock alone, The Soldier (John) carrying Sherlock home to 221b. (wanted to do a few more of the in-between years, but stuck with just adding Uncle Rudy, like it had been their routine for years)
@chinike @rhasima @johnlocky @whatnext2020 @iwlyanmw @mrb488 @fluffbyday-smutbynight @totallysilvergirl @7-percent @sarahthecoat @kettykika78 @khorazir @musingsofmyown @mutedsilence @cmorris-art @safedistancefrombeingsmart @chriscalledmesweetie @discordantwords @john-smiths-jawline @gregorovitchworld @lisbeth-kk @dontfuckmylifewtf @so-youre-unattached-like-me @colourfulwatson @pocketwatchofmycroft @aquilea-of-the-lonely-mountain @loki-lock @missdeliadili @sgam76 @peanitbear @morgendaemmerung89 @zira-and-crowley @teamkidman @meetinginsamarra @keirgreeneyes @impalaparkedat221b @topsyturvy-turtely @a-victorian-girl @thegirlfromthesouth @insistentbass @arwamachine @solarmama @amyreadsandstresses @glows-n-the-dark @masterofhounds @inevitably-johnlocked @kittenmadnessandtea @raina-at @anyway-kindness @purplevatican
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uncanny-tranny · 6 months
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Something kind of funny I never anticipated about crocheting with longer hair was pulling out a piece of my own hair out of my project that I somehow crocheted into it
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heathcliffgirl1847 · 2 months
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knitting update i made these fingerless mitts last week
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drgrlfriend · 4 months
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...And a Happy Hanukkat
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Here is my Winterhawk Wonderland 2023 contribution! Dearest @deformed-globule asked for hurt/comfort (possibly post-mission), handmade gifts (possibly knitted), and BAMF!Clint, as well as a sappy/happy ending.
The combination of hurt/comfort and sappy ending makes for a hell of a tone shift, but stick with me folks and I'll make sure you are rewarded for the somewhat dark start.
...And a Happy Hanukkat by dr_girlfriend
Excerpt:
“Quiet, Soldier,” the chief Hydra doctor croons as three more huddle around, enjoying the show.  “The more you struggle, the messier this will be.”
They’re all wearing goggles, surgical masks and caps, and waterproof aprons, so they’re sure as fuck prepared for this to get messy.  Bucky spits a mouthful of blood at the chief doctor nonetheless, red spattering across his Hydra-grey surgical getup, and his eyes narrow.
“Start with the tongue,” he hisses vindictively, and a fourth Hydra doctor moves in, scalpel at the ready.
Bucky’s focus narrows to that slim blade.  He can’t look away as it gets closer and closer.  His mind flashes with images of everything he’s losing — Steve’s steadfast friendship, Natasha’s stealthy affection, Sam’s friendly rivalry, Bruce’s quiet companionship, Thor’s booming laughter, Tony’s sarcastic caretaking, and — most of all, Clint.  
Clint’s easy camaraderie, his sunshine smile, the way he sits shoulder-to-shoulder with Bucky, quiet and undemanding, Lucky and Alpine draped across both their laps, when Bucky is having a bad day.  Clint has been the brightest thing in Bucky’s life since he recovered from Hydra’s programming, and Bucky has been too scared to really see where it could go, and now it’s too late —
And he shouldn’t have let thoughts of Clint get a handhold, because he’s hallucinating now, his gaze sliding off the blade to the goggles of the scalpel-wielding Hydra doctor, and as he meets his glance for a moment he thinks he sees the sunny sky-blue of Clint’s beautiful eyes.
The blade flashes, almost faster than Bucky can track it, and a line of red appears on the throats of the three other doctors.  Their eyes widen behind the protective goggles, nitrile-gloved hands coming up to try to stem the flow, but it happened too quickly for them to even cry out.  
There’s four rapid thuds of a silenced weapon, so quick it almost sounds like one long stutter of noise, and in his peripheral vision Bucky sees the four guards slump to the floor.
“Heya, Bucky,” Clint says, ripping the mask and goggles off his face.  There’s a bruise at the crest of his cheekbone and his lower lip is swollen and bloody.  “This place sucks, wanna get out of here?”
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chiropteracupola · 1 month
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today I understand why Holding Someone's Wool For The Purpose of Helping Them Wind It is an incredible act of romance. for the love of god somebody help me with this alpaca/silk blend. when will some brave and chivalrous knight save me from this alpaca/silk blend.
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bucksbackpack · 1 year
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hella1975 · 2 years
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the pill is fucking with my hormones again which naturally brings me to my constant conflict of 'is pursuing my passions more important than appeasing my hometown' and seeing as the big issue here is 'if i publish gay fantasy stories they will think im Weird :((' the conclusion i came to was 'i need to start being a little bit weirder all the time so that they're less surprised by it'. like yes queen start microdosing on weirdness to acclimatise your small town you're so normal about things
#i really wish id let myself be weirder at secondary school and hung out with weirder people#bc then people wouldnt be as surprised by it#but NOOOO i went 'i want to be COOL and go to PARTIES and hang out with the bitchy popular girls <333'#like that is the environment im in rn so imagine i turn around one day like 'anywayyy this is what ive been writing for the past two years'#i think they would all have a stroke. or punch me#possibly both actually#but like honestly on the one hand my brain is screaming like BEING SEEN AS WEIRD BY YOUR HOMETOWN IS THE WORST#POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN TO A GIRL THIS IS SOCIAL SUICIDE#and the other part of my brain is like my dude we have not cared about that kind of thing since before the pandemic what is the issue here#like honestly the worst thing THE WORST THING that can happen is people laugh at me and thing it's a weird hobby#and the kind of people doing that would not be people im spending any extended period of time with either#like that is it#people are dying babe get your head out your ass#idk i really hope this is a mindset i grow out of like im very comforted by the fact it's a very stereotypically teenaged mindset#my hope is in my 20s i gradually stop giving a fuck and find a tight knit group of small weirdos that Get Me#and i just wind up publishing something#AND BECOME AN OVERNIGHT SUCCESS AND EARN MILLIONS AND THROW IT IN MY HOMETOWN'S FACE AND-#anyway thank you im done ranting now. as you were#at ease soldier#you guys must see the word 'hometown' in my posts and go ohhhh fuck here we go#im not sorry btw
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whartonists · 1 year
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I’m so interested in the fact that throughout season one we never see Agnes doing any kind of craft or needlework, which would of course be an extremely common pastime for an upper-class woman of the period--instead when she has idle moments we see her reading and playing solitaire (and playing chess with Ada <3).
Ada, meanwhile, does all of the above--we see her reading books and newspapers like Agnes, but she also embroiders and quilts. So it seems like an intentional choice to not have Agnes do these things, and while from a Doylist perspective it’s probably a sort of dull shorthand to encourage modern audiences to perceive her as more forceful and less feminine, from a Watsonian perspective I wonder if there’s a more interesting or nuanced explanation.
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The Wartime Spies Who Used Knitting as an Espionage Tool (and other stories of knitting in wartime)
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An American Red Cross knitting class during World War One. NATIONAL ARCHIVES/20802186
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greenhedgie · 2 years
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A round of applause everyone. I actually finished something!
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armagnac-army · 3 months
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Do you know how to knit? Or do you only eat your sheep?
I tried my hand at it a few times and it turned out absolute fucking shit! all doughy and shapless
Instead I sell the wool shorn from my sheeps and sometimes pay for someone to knit somethign nice out of it
I can sew a lil bit picked that up from enlisted liife were we fixed our own uniformes or tried to make ourselfs shoes from bits of leatjher which didnt really work! Fortuneately Bonaparte came along anmd then we starrted winning more and getting more shoes
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nunchler · 8 months
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every time i see trad gender roles people being weird about fibercraft i wanna tell them
-medieval and early modern knitting guilds were full of men learning and perfecting fancy knitting techniques to impress rich clients
-in cold, wet climates like the scottish highlands knitting was done by the whole family, in fact it was the perfect activity to do while a man was out on a fishing boat or in the pasture with his sheep and cattle
-men who were away from women for a long time had to know how to knit and sew at least well enough to mend their own clothes. soldiers knitted. sailors knitted. cowboys and frontiersmen knitted. vikings probably knitted (actually they would have been doing a kind of proto knitting called nalbinding, but that's beside the point). all those guys the far right love to treat as ultra masculine heroes were sitting around their barracks and campfires at night darning their socks and knitting themselves little hats
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katruna · 1 year
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youtube
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callsign-datura · 1 month
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quit talking.
frustrated simon "ghost" riley x fem!reader warnings: smut, obviously. mentions of putting a muzzle on you, not dealing with feelings, unprotected sex, bro is def a tits man (he sucks on em), oral sex (f recieving), light choking, creampieee a/n: 1k? how the hell?? thank you! :)
If there's one thing you know how to do, it's piss Ghost off. It's not really fun to you, it's more of a competitive thing. He's been in this line of work for much longer than you have, but you've been in it for long enough that you should be treated like a valuable ally than an untrained soldier, or a rookie. But for Ghost, that nickname has stuck. "C'mon, rookie, get your head straight."
"Eyes up here, rookie."
"Are you listenin', rookie?"
Your blood boils every time the word slips from his mouth. Every time he does it, you keep yourself from snapping at him. You put a smile on and follow his directions.
But sometimes it isn't so easy.
He orders you around, and tells you what to do; like a lieutenant should. Yet for some reason, you feel your chest tighten when he gives you an order. You know damn well it's a personal issue. Probably some feelings you haven't dealt with yet that you aren't ready to deal with. But you butt heads. You can tell that your defiance pisses him off and the flicker in his eyes makes something in your heart surge; something you tell yourself is satisfaction. Recently, it's been worse... maybe it was the mission last month where you were stuck in a closet together and he couldn't keep his hands to himself, or the fact he acted like it didn't even happen after. Probably both.
---------------------- "Rookie."
That damn nickname again. You snap quickly, against your better judgment; but he can't blame you. It's been a hard day of biting your tongue. "How long have I been on this team, sir?" "Not long enough to be givin' me so much attitude." He snaps back just as quickly, and usually it'd be enough to extinguish that fire, but today, it's not.
"It's been two years." "Two years of you talking' like you've known us for ten. Sorry to burst your bubble," he barks, turning his body to you as you recognize that look in his eye that you shouldn't be messing with him today. "You haven't. I'll keep callin' you 'rookie' until you get that in your head." His arms hang at his sides, his fists idly clenching and releasing as he steps towards you. "You got a problem with that?" Your eyebrows knit together and you tilted your head back as he gets close, his upper body curling to lean over yours and stare you down. Cold, brown eyes staring into yours; something that would normally give you chills. But not today. "Yes, actually, I do. I'm not a rookie anymore, I've been working with you long enough to the point I should have earned the respect I deserve." The words are slipping out. You realize how stupid it sounds and how you should have just been quiet and stopped fighting, but it feels good to get it off your chest. So you keep talking. "I'm a valuable asset to the team. I'm a good medic, a good ground unit, I'm damn good with a knife and I have good survival skills. I think those are grounds for respect from my lieutenant. Everyone else treats me well, but you." He rolls his eyes so strongly that you think it probably hurts. "You wanna know why they treat you well, rookie?" He retorts, his voice low and husky and raspy. His face is inches from yours and your senses are flooded with him; it's almost enough to get you to forget about why you were fighting in the first place. "It's 'cause everyone else knows that bein' nice to you and lettin' you act like a proper twat is better than tryin' to discipline you. You act like a child and they let you because you're too damn stubborn to get through to." The words piss you off again, and you open your mouth to respond, yet nothing comes out. "Don't." He warns. "This is ridiculous."
"Ridiculous? I just want to be respected." "Nobody gives you shit anymore, rookie, but me. It sounds like you're mad that I'm the only person who gives you shit and doesn't let you get off easy."
"Because it's bullshit-" "I only give you shit when you're actin' like this." The glimmer in his eyes changes, and it becomes something you can't entirely put your finger on. "I only give you shit when you're yowlin' about 'not being respected' when you know damn well you are, you're just angry that I'm mean to you." "'Cause you are!"
"I am because I know that's the only way you listen." He says, his voice returning to something stable. "It's like you hate me."
Oh. His eyes flare again, this time with recognition. "That's what this is about? You think I hate you?"
"Well, sometimes..." Your voice lowers and you avoid eye contact with him, trying to focus on anything but the monster of a man in your proximity. "Sometimes it feels like it."
"Really? And that's why you're constantly puttin' up such a fight with me? 'Cause you think I hate you?" His voice turns... amused. Jesus Christ, he's enjoying this. "Yes, and--" You try to retort, but you can't think of anything. Your mind blanks. "And..." Embarrassment burns hot on your cheeks and you shut your eyes. He chuckles quietly. "That's fucked, sweetheart. You're not gonna believe me, even if I talk till I'm blue,"
"As if I could see." You snap, looking away. "...N' even if I talk, you'll interrupt me." He chuckles again. His voice tenses a little as if he's irritated. He grabs your hand and starts leading you somewhere and you start talking again. "I don't know where you get off on being rude like that." He laughs, in disbelief. "I could ask you the same thing." "You haven't said anything to me about that mission," you begin. Your voice is shaky. These are untrod waters, but you want an answer. "Not a damn thing. Not a text, hell, you barely look me in the eyes." "Mm." He responds, his voice higher-pitched, once again with recognition. "So it's that, too." He glances back at you, and you barely even realize where he's leading you until he pushes open the door to his quarters and pushes you inside, stepping in too, and shutting the door behind him. "You're mad about that? That we haven't talked about that?" You open your mouth, but the surprise doesn't let you say anything. So you nod, looking around the room. It's bland. Very... Ghost. "I haven't said anythin' to you about it 'cause even thinkin' about it makes it difficult for me to see you in a professional light." He pauses. "It shouldn't have happened. If anyone finds out, it'd be me taking advantage of you,"
"That wasn't what happened, though. I was asking you--" "Quit." He snaps, his hand coming up to cup your chin and hold your jaw, urging you to stay quiet. "Quit interruptin' me, fuck. You talk a lot, you know that?" His other hand goes to the zipper of your jacket, pulling at it and unzipping it. Your eyes flicker down to watch his hand, and you stay quiet.
He chuckles again and shakes his head, his eyes wide with disbelief and amusement... some mix of the two. "Now you're quiet. When you're gettin' what you want. Dunno what I expected." He lets go of your jaw and pulls your jacket off, tossing it to the side and turning both of you, backing you up against the door.
"I don't hate you... Quite the opposite." He murmurs, his voice softening. You watch as his thumb hooks into the bottom of his mask, pulling it over his nose as he leans in and puts his other hand on your waist. He goes for your neck, and you tilt your head instinctively. More than happy to obey. "It's jus' the fact that this is entirely unethical. No matter how we put it... it's unethical." He kisses the flesh of your neck, lips dancing along the softness there, testing for any sweet spots. He nips when he feels you tremble. "...Now that isn't to say I didn't enjoy it... 'cause I did. I dream about it, pet," his voice shakes and his grip on you tightens. "Fuckin' dream about it."
The vulnerability at this moment makes your body heat up. Warmth is building in your lower stomach, and a soft noise leaves your lips as you tilt your head back against the door. Your back arches as his breath ghosts your neck.
"Dream about you... n' this body, n' your voice, and your whimpers. I look at you, and I remember." He starts kissing your neck again. They're rough, and his breath is hot. You tremble again as his lips travel down, stopping at your collar as he reaches and slips the strap of your undershirt off your shoulder, and kisses the span of flesh that's been uncovered. Tongue darting out, following the contour of your collarbone, teasingly; leaving tingles in its wake that send heat straight to your cunt. "Makes it so goddamn hard to treat you like you're my teammate and not a person who haunts my dreams."
Another noise leaves your lips, and his hands slide up your sides, bringing the fabric of your undershirt with it. You lift your arms to let him, and you lock eyes for a moment. His are sparkling with lust, and he chuckles before his hands travel up your back to unclasp your bra. He pulls it from your body and drops it to the side, and his lips are on your flesh again. He nips at certain spots, nibbling gently and sucking deep marks into the flesh. His kisses go from your collarbone to your breast, and his lips close around your nipple. Your body tenses and goosebumps prickle over the flesh of your chest, and you tilt your head back again, legs pressing together as his hands rub up and down your sides soothingly. His tongue laves over it, sending tingles of pleasure through you as your eyes flutter shut and he grunts against you. His teeth nip at it gently before he releases it, switching sides. His hands slip down your sides and move to your pants, undoing the button of your jeans and tugging them and your panties down around your legs, detaching from your nipple to do so.
His gaze is immediately dragged to your cunt, and he hums low in his throat before he looks up at you. "C'mon, dove. Give me a taste, mm?" He asks, teasingly; but meaning the question entirely. Your expression twists in embarrassment, but your desire for him overrides any hesitation. And you nod. One of his hands cups the underside of your leg, lifting it up and to the side as he litters kisses along the inside of it. Having him so close to you makes your entire body shudder and a moan leaves your lips, your hand coming down to cup his head as you watch him. It's a lewd sight, but the view makes you tingle. He bites down lightly and a whine leaves your lips as you lightly swat his head. He chuckles in response and looks up at you, pulling away from your thigh to litter kisses over your cunt. You're wet enough to the point he can fucking see it; and your face flushes a bit more in embarrassment and you tilt your head back. You shudder, tilting your hips forward and chasing a bit more friction... and he delivers. His tongue darts out, dragging up between your labia to catch your clit. Your body shudders and you give a sharp whine. The feeling is electric, and you already feel something building in your stomach, yet you try to suppress it in turn for just feeling the sensation. His other hand comes up and his thumb pulls at the flesh, lightly spreading you out for his convenience, his lips closing around your clit as he grunts and the vibration of it turns into straight heat and makes you twitch. He sucks gently and you mewl, your hips shifting away from the unfamiliar sensation, forcing him to detach before he pulls you back in and clicks his tongue.
"Come on now, pet. You wanted this, didn't you? Stay still." You whine in affirmation, looking down once again and gasping as he buries his face into you once more. He dips his tongue into you, and his eyes roll briefly as he grunts at the taste of you; something that he'd get addicted to easily. Hell, he's already addicted to you; why not? He pushes his tongue into you for a moment, groaning again. His grip on the underside of your thigh tightens and he brings it upward a bit more, resting it over his shoulder as his hand slips up your tummy, giving the pudge there a little squeeze before he switches his attention to your clit, lapping his tongue over it slowly and gently. Each swipe sends heat into you, your walls clamping around on nothing, moans leaving your lips as he keeps his head buried into you. The sensations are mounting and he laps his tongue a bit faster to elicit more reactions from you.
Your hips buck into the sensation and a squeal leaves your lips. His hand slips back to cup your hip, pulling you further into him as he laps at your clit again and again. The hand keeping your labia spread shifts downward, and you jolt as he presses his middle and pointer finger against your hole, circling the flesh to gather your slick. The movement of his tongue stalls for a moment until he pushes his fingers into you, and he laps again, but much faster this time, grunting out in satisfaction at the way your walls flutter around his fingers and suck them in more. Moans leave your lips and your body tenses up, a cry leaving the moan before you shift down a little to push into his fingers. He curls them, feeling along your inner walls slowly and gently to find that spot that'll make you quiver, and he does; your hips buck again and you cry once more, the pleasure overloading your senses and rendering you to a whimpering mess. He laps away at your clit again, eating like a man starved; curling those two fingers on your g-spot and rubbing his fingertips against it slowly, gently.
The sensation causes the cord in your tummy to tighten. It doesn't take more of his assault to throw you over the edge; he continues, with an increased fervor upon feeling you tense around his fingers and hearing your noises take on a desperate edge. He pulls you closer, grunting into your pussy as you cry out and ball your hands into fists, grinding a little into the friction as your vision goes white and you sob his name. You continue, riding out your orgasm and whimpering his name quietly. His movements stop after your noises quiet, and he withdraws his fingers and pulls back to look up at you, making sure you're looking at him before he pulls his fingers apart; showing you the string of your fluid that connects them between breaking. He chuckles a bit and stands up as he looks you over. Your eyes flutter shut and you whimper softly, tilting your head back. Your body relaxes, but not for long as you hear a zipper being undone. Your eyes open just as he turns you around and pins you against the wall. One hand against the wall between your waist and your arm, his lips on the back of your shoulder as his other hand comes to your waist, pulling back you back against him. You give a surprised noise and he chuckles. "What? D'you think we were done?" You don't respond, and he hums. "Good. 'Cause we aren't." He pushes against you as you arch your back, your eyes widening as you feel his cock pressing against your cunt; a whine leaving your lips before he pulls his hand from your hip to wrap around the base of him, adjusting himself to rest the tip of his cock against your hole, watching as you flutter around him. He chuckles softly at the sight, and puts his hand on your lower stomach, slowly guiding his hips forward. His cock slips into you with ease, and you feel a faint stinging pain from the stretch, but the full feeling his cock gives you distracts you from the pain. It's familiar, almost; like your body remembers how he fit inside you. Your slick coats his cock, making the fit a bit more easy. He groans softly into your ear, the feeling of you around him more than heavenly. "Fuck. S'fuckin tight. Mm... like you were made for me, hm?"
He grunts quietly as he feels you pulse around him, and he tilts his hips slightly, cupping your lower tummy as he grinds into you testingly. A whine leaves your lips, but you don't stop him. The pleasure is overwhelming, and you feel some sort of sense of relief at finally being filled; by him. His breath fans over your shoulder as he grinds into you slowly, rolling his hips into yours; pulling out a bit before pushing forward and rubbing his hips into yours. He continues like this, one hand sliding up your front and wrapping around your throat, a gentle hold that keeps your head still. Your eyes keep shut, eager moans leaving your lips as you push back into him. For a few moments he continues this movement, just reveling in the feeling of your cunt around him before he begins thrusting. Slowly, at the same pace, raking his cock in and out of you, sending shocks of pleasure through you as you tighten a bit around him, eliciting groans from him. His movements speed up and the hand on your lower stomach slips downward, his middle and ring finger rubbing circles over your clit. You lurch a little and give a little cry, still feeling a bit overstimulated from the previous activities.
That sensation leaves almost immediately as he thrusts into you quickly, the sounds of your bodies together filling the room amongst his groans and your squeals. You lift one of your legs, tilting your head against the wall and his grip on your throat tightens as he starts rutting into you; the feeling of you is getting to him as much as the feeling of him is getting to you. Your moans increase in pitch, and your mind is scrambled by the pleasure. Your walls quiver as he continues, bullying into your cunt. He's chasing his high, and the circles he draws on your clit also increase in pace. The cord in your stomach draws taut, signalling your incoming orgasm; you can tell by his pace that he's close too. "Fuck-- Gonna cum." He warns into your shoulder, yet his pace doesn't falter.
You whimper and your chest tightens at the thought of him pulling out; wasting his cum like that. "Inside," you babble out quickly, hands balling into fists against the wall. "Please, inside." You stutter over your words as he continues thrusting into you, but he understands you immediately.
You don't have to say it twice. After a moment, he bucks into you up to the hilt, and a shaky groan leaves his throat as he cums; hot, thick ropes that flood your cunt with his spend. The sensation, mixed with the feeling of him rolling his fingers over your clit is enough to make you cum as well, and you cry out, walls quivering on his cock before tensing, milking him. Your body trembles and he pulls his hands away, holding you close to him, hums of affection leaving his throat as he thrusts into you a few more times before his movements stall. There's a bit of content silence before his voice breaks it. "Still think I hate you?" You pause, then you murmur in response shakily, "Mnh-mnh. Thank you..." "You're welcome, pet. But next time you need my cock, say it instead of being a brat." "Then the next time you dream about me, tell me." "...deal."
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perlelune · 2 months
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Young God | Feyd-Rautha
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The mercy you show towards an enemy in the aftermath of battle yields tragic consequences for you and your people.
Warnings: NON-CON, Fremen!Reader, Kynes!Reader, Kidnapping, Unrequited Love, Mentions of cannibalism, Knife Play, Masochism
This is a dark story. Heed warnings before reading under the cut.
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The aftermath of battle is often the same ritual. Corpses are taken away to scavenge for bounty and salvage the water in their bodies. Moisture is too precious, too rare in the air and the dry desert sand covering your home world to be wasted. Harkonnen foot soldiers especially. No sympathy is spared for the cruel beasts who slaughter your fellow fremen, ravage your land, and bleed your beloved home planet Arrakis of its most valuable resource. The Spice. 
Today is one of these days. After fending off another attack by the Harkonnen army, your entire tribe is sifting through the desert fields. The proud white-skinned soldiers weren’t expecting the swarm of Fremen that unleashed upon them. Thankfully Muad'Dib had a vision of the attack and managed to convince enough of your people to raise their blades in unison to stand against their oppressors. While you balk at violence, preferring to stay back and sink into your role as a healer, you still wish to offer assistance in cleaning up the battlefield and checking for any potential injuries. You were a little shocked when you arrived and were struck with the realization that there is so little for you to do, the number advantage having been so overwhelming.
Still, you find a few warriors that require medical attention. Their injuries are deeper than you expect. Apparently one of the Harkonnen soldiers wouldn’t let himself be slain, unleashing a storm of fury all on his own and taking several down with him. You gingerly finish dressing your last wound, lifting your head as you notice your cousin heading north. 
Wiping the blood on your hands with a rag, you get to your feet.
“Chani, where are you going?” you inquire.
She stares ahead, crysknife in hand, determined.
“Some may have survived and slipped away from us. We’re checking the caves nearby.”
You give a nod and follow after her. “I’ll come with you.”
While your voice didn’t waver earlier, your stomach is in knots as you join the search. You and Chani split up. She points in a direction and you acquiesce, rushing the opposite way. You sneak underground, climbing down a row of steep, slippery rocks before you find a small cave.
You practically have to crawl the rest of the way inside, the lichen-draped overhang almost too bent and crooked for you to advance any further. It’s no wonder no one thought to check this place. It’s hard to imagine any wounded Harkonnen soldier gathering the strength to hide in such a place.
You’re forced to swallow your words however when you find the outline of a pale form lying across the cave floor. 
Your jaw drops. You inch closer to the corpse, already planning on calling another Fremen to help you extract the water from the body.
But the man’s chest lifts, his mouth shuddering ever-so-slightly.
Tamping down your fear, you hunker down and inspect his armor. Your brows knit. A long, deep jagged cut slashes his side. The kind of deadly injury that makes you wonder how the man is still breathing, as it’s impossible no internal organs haven't at least been nicked. 
Yet, somehow he is, still breathing that is.
Though you gather not for long based on the way blood gushes from the wound. 
You hear your name called from outside the cave. Pulse soaring, you climb your way out of the concealed shelter with haste. 
You’re faced with Chani’s questioning stare. She must be done with her own search. You note the tinge of crimson on the tip of her blade. Your insides wrench. 
The lie flows from your tongue with frightening ease.
“I already checked that one. It’s empty.”
She nods and walks away. You wait for her to be at a safe distance to return inside the cave.
As your slow, fearful steps bring you closer to the wounded man, your mind rages, at war with itself.
You are of two worlds. Daughter of the fallen Liet-Kynes, imperial planetologist, and a member of the Sietch Tabr. The Harkonnen are your people’s ancestral enemies. Oppressors who annihilate whoever stands between them and their unquenchable thirst for more wealth and power.
They are monsters. There is only one rational thing to do when one is faced with one of the pale-skinned warriors. Only one thing that is right to do.
You unsheathe the crysknife at your thigh from its scabbard. The blade is shimmery and new. So perfectly sharp. For you have never used it. Not even once.
You approach his unmoving form and lift the blade high in the air.
The crysknife in your hands quivers above his chest. It’d be so easy to end it. So quick. Over within a few minutes. You’ve seen countless members of your sietch do it, not a sliver of hesitation in their smooth, practiced motions. Some even enjoy it, reveling in seeing that spark wither in their enemies’ eyes. 
For a moment, you let yourself wonder, picture yourself snugly gripping the blade and driving it through the Harkonnen’s alabaster throat. The watery coughs he’d let out. The blood seeping from his neck and pooling around him. The light in his onyx orbs flickering before going out.
It should satisfy you. After all the evils they’ve inflicted upon your people, upon your planet, the prospect of retribution should fill you with immeasurable joy. 
Yet it doesn’t. Chest heaving, you slowly lower the weapon until it slips out of your hands, its clattering echoing in the cave.
Your shoulders sag as you unleash a tremulous breath, one you didn’t notice was even caged inside your lungs.
An unyielding truth swaddles you as you watch your pale-skinned enemy draw feeble, dwindling breaths. You can’t take a life. You are a healer, through and through.
You gasp when you suddenly feel the cold bite of metal against your throat.
Your eyes widen. The Harkonnen is awake, heavy, wheezing breaths bursting from his chest as he presses the blade against your neck.
“I-If you kill me, you will not survive,” you stammer, your chest clenching in fear. 
He shocks you by flipping the blade and handing it to you.
“Then give me a warrior’s death,” he says, his gaze unwavering. You study him. He looks worse than before. What he just did must have taken his last bit of strength. 
Steadying your hammering heart, you glower at him.
“The glory you seek isn’t in a dank cave, Harkonnen.”
As soon as he collapses over the cold, hard stones, you get to work. First, you check his pulse. Though it’s faint, you find a steady heartbeat. He must be quite strong, you surmise. You’ve never seen anyone survive this long with an injury this deep. Logically, he should be dead. 
But he isn’t. So while you shouldn’t feel this way, every fiber of your being craves to pull him from the brink. 
You peel the layers of his armor off him. Heat nestles inside your cheeks as your gaze roams over the hard, defined planes of his muscular form. You shake off the sensation, reminding yourself that you can’t proceed unless you have complete access to the wound and need to assess for other potential injuries.
You reach for your medpak and pouch. You use a mix of wound sealant and medicinal herbs to curb the bleeding. You then clean the wound with antiseptic and press onto it firmly. Eventually, it stops. Once the bleeding is under control, you pull out a needle and thread from your pouch and begin sewing the wound. Every stitch is nice and neat, so tight that you know he will barely scar. You squint as you work, the dim lighting of the cave making you miss the right spot in his skin a few times. You keep a cool head the entire time, simply starting over whenever necessary.
After the wound is sealed, you set up a hypovial with a plasma bag. Finding the bulging vein in his arm isn’t too hard. It’s quite easy in fact, as every part of him appears carved from stone. You slip a dash of spice melange in the IV. A potent cinnamon smell fills the air. Just the right amount to keep him awake. Now that his life isn’t on the line anymore, his peculiar body chemistry should do the rest and recover.
You unleash a deep breath and wipe the sweat doting your forehead. You sag against the cave wall.
Your eyes drift to the night sky, visible through a small opening in the overhang.
For the first time since you snuck inside the cave, the tension woven through your limbs comes loose.
Nights on Arrakis are a thing of beauty. You are willing to bet there are no more beautiful skies in the entire galaxy. None so clear and vast and with stars twinkling this bright. Mother used to say the same thing, that the boundless empyreans of Arrakis were the most beautiful sight she ever laid eyes upon. And as an imperial envoy, your mother traveled far across the known universe. So she must have been right.
You cast one last glance at the Harkonnen warrior. He’s stable. Or stable enough at least. 
It’s time for you to return to your sietch before too many questions are asked.
“You were gone a while,” your cousin blurts out when you return to your sietch. You weigh her tone. There is no suspicion laced in it, just curiosity.
“I was just making sure we didn’t forget any of them,” you casually reply.
Chani heaves out a deep sigh. “You don’t have to. You have no heart for killing, cousin.” She turns her focus to the rest of your tribe. “We need you here, tending to our wounded. It’s where you shine best.”
You nod in acknowledgement. No one in the sietch ever expected you to fight but you often wish that you could do more. You think of your mother’s untimely death, of the way Fremen laid down their lives today. Your heart sinks. If anyone learned of what you did, you would be exiled. Rightfully so. Your eyes wander to your cousin, now besides Paul Atreides. Longing gazes lock and fingers twine before they disappear into their shared tent. You look away.
You hope one day that twisting inside your chest whenever you see them will cease. You are happy for them; you truly are. Nevermind that you felt a pull towards the heir of House Atreides from the moment you met him, that you felt it was returned when his gaze rested upon you. That all of it vanished the moment his eyes crossed Chani’s.
A seer from your tribe foretold that a woman in your family would have a great destiny, one that will change the fate of worlds. You now understand, that woman is Chani, and she and Paul aren’t just destined to one another. They are fated.
And who are you to stand in the way of fate?
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“You must be insane, girl,” the Harkonnen soldier scoffs as you remove the needle in his arm. Since he appears to have regained some color…or whatever consists of “color” for a Harkonnen, you elected to remove the plasma bag this morning.
A sliver of shame flutters through you that you were almost relieved to find him alive. You saved a life. Perhaps not the most worthy one, but a life nonetheless.
“Striking an enemy while he’s down isn’t brave,” you reply with nonchalance.
A crooked smirk cants his plump lips, baring a hint of the black teeth underneath.
“Insane and stupid then,” he sneers, the gristly echo of his voice resonating in the cave.
Ignoring the way his comment chafes you, you retrieve the little vials you packed this morning.
“Drink that.” He sits up, humming low in his throat with the movement when you’d expect him to wince or groan at the pain. It’s almost like he’s enjoying the pain he surely must be experiencing, but you discard that thought, because it’s ludicrous. What kind of person enjoys pain? “It’s water.” He studies you, making no move to grab the water. You fidget, unnerved that you can’t read his expression, his lack of eyebrows making it even more difficult. “I could only steal a little from the deathstill. It’s all I could get before anyone could see me.”
You briefly considered trading your mother’s water rings, the ones you inherited upon her death. The symbol of her standing and wealth within the Sietch Tabr.
Though while you may have saved your enemy, you want to hold on to that piece of her for as long as you can.
“I also have some food.” You rummage through your pouch to pull out dried fruits, slices of meats, bread and spice honey. It’s the best you could gather on short notice without drawing suspicion.
His dark gaze flicks over you as he taunts, “Perhaps I shall eat you. You look far more appetizing than…whatever this is.” You shudder, acutely aware that while cannibalism isn’t widespread amongst the Harkonnen…it’s also not unheard of. 
He snickers at your expression. “Do not fret, desert rose.” His gravelly voice drips with suggestion as he licks his lips. A chill runs through you as his black tongue and teeth are bared to you. “I’m not quite that hungry…yet.”
Your shift, discomfort slithering through you. There is something profoundly unsettling about the Harkonnen, even more so than a typical one. The blood leaking through the bandage draws your gaze.
“I should dress your wound and redo the stitching,” you offer, clearing your throat.
When your hand stretches towards his wound, he growls at you.
Your heart leaps and you retreat your hand.
“Please,” you insist. “You’re bleeding.”
When he doesn’t make another threatening sound, you take that as your cue. You quickly gather your supplies and approach him. The drumming of your heart inside your ears is a clamor, but you pretend it isn’t there, removing the bandage and driving the needle through his wound to sew it shut again. He doesn’t flinch, showing no hint of even feeling the needle. His sizzling scrutiny sears through your flesh, almost causing your usually steady hands to quake. You sharpen your focus, remembering your grandmother’s teachings. Steady heart, steady hands.
He tilts his head, dark gaze trained on you. “I threaten to eat you and you tend to me still. What a peculiar creature you are, desert rose.”
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The days fly by in a strange haze, your days spent preparing for the new Reverend Mother while you sporadically check on the stranger. He recovers faster than you expect, even without you needing to use the spice melange again. Considering he was at death’s door when you found him, you can’t help but be a little amazed.
You sense the time to go your separate ways is near. You have done a lot, likely more than you should. The alabaster-skinned warrior is well enough to roam the desert and find his way back to his people through his own means. You brought him supplies, food and a stillsuit. Whatever befalls him will be up to fate and his own wits. You don’t plan on returning after tonight.
“You’re looking better,” you note, checking his wound for the last time. You leave the bandage for good measure even if it’s clear he doesn’t need it anymore, the wound having begun to fade since you removed his stitches yesterday.
He pins you with that unsettling stare once more.
“That song you sang…” he rumbles.
“A song?” Your head tilts as you comb through your memories. It comes back to you. You sometimes hum it to yourself. It calms you down. You didn’t even realize you’d done it in his presence. “Ah, that song.” You shrug, a small smile sneaking onto your lips. “It’s just a lullaby my grandmother used to sing to me before she passed, to teach children about the Shai-Hulud.”
He looks at you in what you believe to be confusion at the name, though you can only assume.
“Your people call them… sandworms,” you explain. “They are sacred and should be revered.”
Silence hangs between you and the Harkonnen. His deep raspy voice shatters it after some time.
“Songs…I had a blade in my hands from the moment I could walk.”
“I’m sorry,” you blurt out, unsure what else to say. He doesn’t seem sad, more reflective, but it seems you should say something. “Do you…Do you ever think of what your life would be like if you weren’t Harkonnen?” When he looks at you blankly, a nervous laugh peals from your lips. “I’m sorry. That was a silly question.”
Your crysknife materializes in his hands from behind his back. Your blood runs cold as you pat your thigh. You don’t remember ever leaving it around him.
“My older brother...He took me from our parents when I was a baby,” he utters, sounding detached, almost as if he were recounting someone else’s life. “My uncle raised me. I don’t remember my father. And my mother…” His lightless gaze slams into yours as he smiles, exposing his glistening, black teeth. “I killed that whimpering, meddling bitch.”
Your breath snags in your throat. Perhaps…you let yourself get too comfortable around the Harkonnen. The crude reminder of who he is, who they all are, yanks you back to reality.
You bolt to your feet, coaxing a tremulous smile onto your face.
“It’s getting late. I should return home before the sandstorms grow too strong.”
As you prepare to leave, the muffled pitter-patter of footsteps above you freezes you in your tracks. Your eyes bulge. Dread sinks within you as you realize someone’s right above you.
Before a single sound can make its way past your lips, the Harkonnen’s large hand envelops your mouth. He pulls you flush against his bare chest as he whispers into your ear, “Quiet.”
His muscles go taut against you. You catch him twirling the blade with smooth precision, clearly ready to fight if need be. You hold your breath, bridling your stuttering heartbeats.
Two men in full Harkonnen livery leap inside the cave. Panic rushes through you.
However, instead of a fight breaking out, relief fills the soldier’s faces as they see him. 
“Na-baron. We received your beacon.”
Na-Baron…The air is knocked from your lungs. The title isn’t that common amidst the known universe. In fact, it’s quite unique and you only ever heard of one man from one specific house using it. Na-baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen, the heir-designate to Baron Vladmir Harkonnen. 
He is a monster, a ruthless killer…and you nursed him back to health. Allowed him to get well enough to hurt, maim and kill as he pleases. The cave seems to twirl off its axis around you.
Perhaps he was right that night. You might be an insane idiot.
You feel the subtle lift of his lips against your scalp.
“Right. Did I forget to mention my name?” he taunts, as if he could read every thought zooming across your head. Giving you no time to even try to run or fight him off, the na-Baron slams your head against a nearby wall.
Pain explodes inside your skull. Your vision dims as you grow too weak to stand, your knees buckling beneath you. You fall into his arms and he holds you against him. He strokes the side of your face, a fire burning in his onyx orbs. Consciousness slips from you, his last words reverberating inside your ears.
“You and I are going home to Giedi Prime, my desert rose.”
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You awake startled, jarred by the softness of the sheets and the largeness of the bed around you. This is nothing like the cot you used to sleep on in the desert. You leap from the bed, clutching your face and hugging your frame, stunned to note you are without your stillsuit and face mask.
Instead, you are wearing a sheer white tunic that hugs your curves in a way that leaves very little to the imagination. The outfit is unlike you, impractical in every way. Your pulse escalates.
You rush to rise and nearly crash down on the bed again. 
Your forehead creases.
You wobble around, struck by the difference in gravitational pull, humidity and atmospheric pressure. Every breath you take exerts you, bearing heavily on your lungs.
Your head spins as you glance at the unfamiliar room. Every single detail of it is cold, somber, opulent.
Horror twists your insides.
You’re not on Arrakis anymore.
“You’re in the Harkonnen keep, darling.” 
The gravelly voice erupting at your back has you whirl around. A half-exposed Feyd-Rautha fills your sight, his carved alabaster muscles and bald head shimmering silver in the low light.
You swallow hard, fighting to keep yourself breathing normally in the brand new air.
“The Harkonnen Keep on…”
“Giedi Prime, yes,” Feyd-Rautha finishes.
While you understood it on your own, having it uttered out loud sends you in a renewed state of alarm. You are away from your family, your friends, your home. You are alone on a foreign planet. A hostile, enemy planet.
“In secluded apartments away from my other concubines,” he further informs. A shadow of mirth lurks in his gaze. “They’re quite the jealous kind. They may even try to take a bite out of you if they learn of your existence…” He leers at your shivering frame, making no effort to hide his lust, the evidence already bulging in his pants. “Though I don’t think I could entirely blame them.”
He inches closer to you. “How does the weight of a real planet feel?” he asks, a twisted excitement swaying in his dark orbs. “Is it crushing your bones? Is every cell in your body screaming in pain, my desert rose?” He grips your chin, studying you oddly, almost as if he wishes he could absorb every bit of your agony and discomfort.
You glare up at him, your insides white hot with rage.
“H-How could you do this? I saved you.”
He frames your chin, squeezing tightly. “Oh darling, you should have killed me…” A squeak spills from your throat as he drags his tongue across the side of your quivering cheek. His lips brush over your earshell as he mumbles under his breath. “Because there’s nowhere in the galaxy you will ever be able to hide from me now.”
“I belong in Arrakis with my people. You have to let me go,” you plead. 
You search his impassive face, scouring for an errant ounce of humanity. The emptiness you find has tears rushing to your eyes. You mourn the tragic loss of moisture, willing yourself to stop crying. Ever since you were young, you were taught never to waste your precious water...especially on something as trivial, as painfully unnecessary as tears.
...But you can't quell your weeping.
He tilts his head.
“You belong with me…No, to me, desert rose. In my arms, screaming as I ruin that pretty cunt of yours with my cock.”
Fear floods your entire being. Your eyes scan the room. A faint spark of hope blooms inside you as you spot a long, sharp knife on a stone table nearby.
Pushing past the queasiness you experience every time you move on the unfamiliar planet, you race across the room and grab the knife.
You point it at him. Instead of cowering, Feyd-Rautha opens his arms, smirking.
“Do it,” he urges, making no effort to protect himself from the sharp blade in your hand, inviting you to strike him as his tongue darts across his lips.
His uncanny anticipation coats the air. Confusion fills you.
“I will,” you say, trying to appear braver than you feel. Still, the blade quakes in your hand.
“Please. I beg of you,” he purrs, gliding towards you. As he watches you hesitate, he cruelly reminds you, “You will never go home, never see your beloved planet again. In fact,...” He hums, his eyes lighting up as if a wonderful idea just occurred to him. “I think I might slaughter some of your family and friends just for sport.”
A wave of wrath surges through you. Bereft a thought behind it, your hand slashes across his chest, a small cut forming there. Droplets of blood so dark it appears black drip down onto his alabaster flesh. 
“More…” he rasps, pleasure leaking from his gravelly voice.
The sight of the bleeding wound rattles you, causing you to retreat.
But he doesn’t let you remove the blade, his fingers cinching around your wrist and keeping its sharp tip over his bulging pec. You sob as he forces you to drag the blade across his chest, a blissful expression spreading across his features. A long dark cut oozing dark red blood decorates his body now, going all the way to his defined abs.
Terror and confusion tangle within you. You stagger backwards, the dagger slipping from your lingers and hitting the floor.
“You’re sick.”
“I didn’t realize there was such a fire inside you, desert rose. If I don’t have you now, I think I’ll go mad.” His hoarse, lewd tone scrapes against your eardrums, causing your insides to twist in dread. He cracks his neck, black tongue sweeping over his lips as he approaches you. “No, I definitely will.”
It’s the only warning you get before he tosses you on the bed and rips the clothes off your frame. Tears brimming your lashes, you squeal in protest, scratching and punching every part of him within reach. You slap him hard and he cackles, baring his black smile in sheer delight. 
“Come on, desert rose, I’m sure you can hit even harder,” he sneers. 
To make him eat his words, you hit him again. Harder than before. His laugh gets louder as you watch a faint bruise form on his cheek.
Pinning your wrists besides your head, he bends over your chest. His tongue swirls around your nipples, his cool tongue causing you to hiss and shake. Sharp teeth graze your breast and the breath hitches in your throat. You squirm on the sheets, completely at the mercy of Feyd-Rautha as he licks, bites and kisses every part of your flesh. As if he wanted you covered in marks of his ownership, wanted to ensure there wouldn’t be a doubt in anyone’s mind that you were his if they stole a glance at you. You loathe the way your traitorous body writhes and pants, a disgusting dampness gathering at the apex of your thighs. 
The tears in your eyes swell. Your body is divorcing your frazzled mind little by little, yielding to his rough, wanton touch. 
He grabs your thighs and dips between your legs, diving straight for your center. He licks a long stripe up and down your folds and you tremble. As his devilish tongue swirls around your clit, your eyes flutter, blinding pleasure building in your core. Hot waves of delight engulf you as he gathers your arousal with his tongue and drags it around your tender spot. The slow, unrelenting patterns he traces with his mouth have you fight the urge to buck your hips into his jaw. Your juices drench the entire bottom of his mouth, but he doesn’t seem to mind, greedily devouring your cunt as if he’ll never get to do it again.
As you quiver against him, your orgasm flowing through you, he chuckles against your wet cunt.
“Your body can’t even deny how much it craves me, desert rose.”
Shame pulses through you with his words.
He crawls over you, cutting his pants loose with one aggressive shove downwards. Only a glimpse of his thick alabaster cock, glazed with his need at the tip appears in your vision before he shoves the entirety of himself in you. The pain is so intense, flames alongside your walls, that it robs the words from your throat. He sinks inside you until his tight balls chafe your cunt, his hand wrapping around your throat while the other keeps your wrists above your head.
You whimper beneath him, defenseless against his sharp, piercing thrusts. Pleasure builds within you, his cock overwhelming you with shameful sensations each time it grazes your sensitive places, making you see stars. Gargled sounds pour from your throat as his girth splits you apart.
He grunts as your walls constrict around him, slamming into you even harder.
“You’re so delightfully tight around me, darling.” He bends over you to whisper, “I bet I’ll turn you into my perfect little cock-hungry whore in no time. Have you on your back and knees for me whenever I wish it.”
The Harkonnen heir’s pace fastens, his cock hitting spots that have you question your sanity. So delicious that you can’t help but let pathetic little moans escape from your throat.
He buries himself inside you even deeper, the pain and pleasure blending in crescendo. Your eyes roll back as you near your peak. Meanwhile, Feyd Rautha’s hunting his own release, his quick thrusts growing sharp and slow, his bald head grazing your bare chest.
Pleasure rolls over in a tidal wave, your back curling alongside the sheets. His own release comes after yours, thick ropes of his seeds painting your sore, sensitive walls. 
As you crash in a boneless heap on the sheets, he wraps his hand around your jaw and steals your lips for a sloppy, heated kiss. 
You cry out in pain as he sinks his teeth into your neck, placing a visible puncture wound that won’t disappear for a while.
Still nestled in your warmth, he scatters more bites along your shoulder.
“Any man would be insane to let you go after tasting such a sweet cunt, desert rose.”
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You know he wants you to see, doesn’t want you to miss a single second of the spectacle. It was a split second moment, one that could have easily resulted in his death. 
But at the very last second, Feyd-Rautha prevailed and dodged Paul Atreides’ attack. He then proceeded to stab him in the heart in front of his heartbroken mother and your cousin. 
You don’t want to believe it. It must be an awful dream, one you will soon wake up from. One that lasted entirely too long. While seeing Paul’s body sink to the floor, your heart shattering into a million tiny pieces…Watching Chani glare at you with pure hatred in her eyes from across the room is almost worse. You want to run to her, embrace her, tell her you never meant to leave, tell her you aren’t a traitor to your people despite what clothes you may wear now, what marks may brand your skin. 
But it’s all for naught. Paul is dead and with him the hopes for your planet, for your people have died as well.
And you are left with nothing, no one. A stranger in a strange world. 
It’s what he reminds you as he has you caged beneath him that night, burying himself inside you again and again with abandon. 
“You’re mine, desert rose. And nothing, no one can take you away from me. Not my uncle. Not Paul Atreides. Not the Emperor.” He chuckles darkly, whispering against your ear. “...And not even you, darling.”
He is right. You are his. And with no one to challenge the rule of the now Baron Feyd-Rautha, ruler of House Harkonnen, it is as he said…There is nowhere in the galaxy you can hide where he will not find you.
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jumbojazzcats93 · 3 months
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Why are you like this? - Ghost
Summary - Simon is devastated coming to terms with being in love.
Tags/Warnings - Banners by @/saradika-graphics 18+ MDNI, mild angst, emotional constipation, cussing, slight manipulation but it's really not the bad kind (.?), premature ejaculation, squirting, biting, mentions of blood @glossysoap @divine--serenity @lordlydragon @violet-phantoms @ivymarquis @grizzersmamma @quietlyignoringyou
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It's taken Simon SO long to realize he's in love. The realization sets in after almost a year. He had forced it to remain casual, even if you both knew deep down it was so much more. Over the long expanse of several months he had ignored the tightening knot of your close-knit bond and deluded himself into thinking he was going to come out unscathed at some point. The fear that you liked him too much and the necessity to tell you so was pushed further and further back by his growing fear of hurting you. The "outings" you would have together were definitely NOT dates. You were just such a treat to be around. You brought him so much peace. Everything about you two just clicked so well that there was no way to deny the connection.
A platonic connection.
The fucking was.... just casual. Friends with benefits did exist. That's all it was. There's really no telling how or why it started. When even the kissing had started. There was nothing wrong with a little physical intimacy here and there. You made him feel good, the sex was sweet, but it didn't mean he was attached.
The moment he realized he was, however... it made him want to crawl out of his skin. That deep rooted fear of intimacy churning in his chest as he looked at you. Now he was looking at you in a new light and he could barely play it off for a few days before he started acting out, then avoiding you. He couldnt be near you without feeling deeply uncomfortable with himself.
And you knew, of course. You knew he needed to do things at his own pace, so you kept quiet and went along with this odd little arrangement he thought you had. You knew everything about him after all. He was just so slow to catch on to the fact that you already classified him as your boyfriend and that the acting was all so silly. Of course his discomfort and standoffish behavior was obvious to you. Just like how the answer was obvious to you. Like always, when he was tense or overthinking; he just needed to fuck it out.
So... after an hour of sitting through some random top pick netflix movie, you looked at him from across the couch and took him in. He was chewing on his lip with his eyes zoned out at the TV screen and your legs intertwined under the blanket. When your foot gently slid against his dick his eyes came to life and flew from the screen. You were already watching him with a lazy smirk and heavy eyes. "Y/n?", but you said nothing, sitting up to crawl across the couch. His hand reached out to meet you as you crawled on top of him and paused. Lips just a breath away to give him a moment, you murmer, "You look so troubled lately, Si." You place a gentle kiss against his lips, "Not even really watching the movie." Another kiss, "What's got you so distracted, hm?" He grunts as you kiss him again and his arms wrap around your waist, locking you against his body. Your fingers slide against his jaw and into his hair, massaging the nape of his neck as you softly kiss him over and over.
He hasn't given a real response and you know that without more coaxing, he won't. You know sweet talking always flusters him so you decide to really pour it on thick in between kisses. "All I wanna do is take care of you, Si." You sit up and slowly take your t-shirt off. "How can I do that when you won't talk to me?", you lament. "You try so hard to be the perfect soldier-" You lean back down and slide your hands under his shirt, "-the perfect man." A kiss, "You have no idea how much I want to take that weight off your shoulders when im with you." You trail off quietly and he grunts again, a single hand sliding down your back to grab your ass. You assume he kisses you in hopes of shutting you up, but he still isn't giving you what you want... So as you slide his shirt off over his head you lean back down and decide to say it.
"You have no idea how much I love you."
Tension floods Simon's body and he jerks back to look straight into your eyes. His own eyes look wide, but you're looking down at him with such love; it makes his throat feel dry and tight. Anxiety flares in his stomach and heat flashes through his body. His chest swells with an unfamiliar feeling as he seemingly comes to with a shaky inhale. Your fingers brush over his cheeks as you stare down at him; waiting. His heart is pounding. That nasty fear of intimacy rears it's ugly head in the form of panic and mixes with the adrenaline your confession brings. Simon feels his frustration at the entirety of it all as tears sting his eyes. He clenches his teeth as you try to move in and kiss him again.
Hands abruptly grab hold of the backs of your knees and pull as he sits up, flipping you up and backwards. Now carelessly tossed onto your back, Simon follows to hover over you, gripping your wrists to pin them down by your head. He must look as distraught as he feels. With pinched brows, disheveled hair and a red hot face, he feels on the verge of losing his mind entirely as he practically shouts, "What are you doing to me Y/n?! Why are you doing this?! Why are you like this?" The last part is said softer. Quieter. Filled with pure desperation and its almost like he wants to blame you, but he's begging for any kind of reprieve you can grant him from the uncomfortable mess of emotions he feels. Both of you softly pant against each other's mouths in silence before you quietly say, "Because I love you, Si..."
The sound of the TV fills the silence. He just stares at you while he breathes heavily. Slowly pressing his forehead against the side of your face, he shifts to the side, sinking into the cushions at the back of the couch. Your eyes follow him and you turn your body to face his. Tucking one arm between your bodies and resting your other arm over his thick torso, you press your forehead against his. Caressing his back you mutter, "You don't have to think about it too much, Si. Nothing has to change." His already shut eyes squeeze tightly; his breathing being wrangled back under control. You brush your lips over his. "Just let me take care of you.", you whisper.
He inhales sharply, holds and slowly releases his breath before reaching up and tangling his fingers into your hair. "Want me to say it again?", you whisper against his lips. A pause... and he nods hesitantly. You kiss him and breathe, "I love you.", into his mouth. He takes a shuddering breath and chokes out, "Again." "I love you." "Keep saying it." "I love you, Simon." His hand grabs the back of your thigh and pulls it over his hip. "I love you." One arm slides under your waist and wraps around you, the other hand slides up your thigh and grabs your ass. "I love you." He grinds your pussy against his cock, separated by your underwear and his gym shorts. You moan and move along with him.
"More. Say it one more time." He squeezes you briefly. "Please.", he whispers. Your eyes open; you both continue to grind against each other. Your pussy is dripping and smearing against his buldge, staining his shorts. Directly meeting his starstruck gaze you say, "I love you, Simon.", just to watch his eyebrows furrow as he moans. His eyes never leave yours, but his hips jerk once, his stomach flexes and he cums in his shorts. You moan at the realization of it. He's never cum so quick; he's getting off on hearing it. His long fingers slide from your ass to your wet underwear. He pulls them aside and dips two fingers into your pussy, slowly pumping them in and out. The realization that his cock is still hard makes your hips twitch and sink further onto his fingers.
"Simon-", you gasp. "I've just-", his fingers pull from your pussy and arm adjusts to slot between your legs. He pushes his fingers back in to the knuckle with a curl and pulls them out all the way; repeating. He won't say anything, he only kisses and caresses you. "I've been so worried.", you whine into his mouth. Low eyes with a langourous gaze are all you get. Despite his clear desire to have your confession burned into his ears, his reluctance to loose his own is obvious. He just pulls his wet fingers out of your pussy and rubs your clit with them. You gasp, "I knew you were avoiding me." Your hand leaves his side to slide between your bodies and pull his shorts out of the way. "I won't let you leave me because you're a-", a moan cuts you off as he grabs his cock and slips the tip into you.
"-Afraid of-" "Shut up, Y/N." Its a warning. The way he thrusts into you fully to punctuate your name is unfair. His cock so warm and big, his belly is so soft against yours. Simon slides his hand up under your thigh again and holds it higher, thrusting his cock deeper the higher your leg gets. In between breathless moans you push back, "You're afraid to be in love-" "Stop it" "-because it always ends poorly-" "That's not-", his thrust buries him to the hilt in you. "-true." His jaw is clenched and his grip on you is tight, but his eyes look vulnerable. You grip the back of his neck and brush your lips over his, whispering, "-but if I was going to leave... I would've left half a year ago." Panting, his eyes flit between your own. Your sincerity must be clear because he let's go of your leg and grabs your face, kissing you roughly. Tongue licking into your mouth and breaths mixing, all you can do is moan while he shifts you onto your back and cages you under him.
As your legs squeeze and wrap around his hips he begins pounding into your pussy ruthlessly. His face presses against your cheek and his tongue laves over your neck and jaw. You turn and kiss him briefly before biting his lip with a whine that sounds as sweet as can be to him. Simon jerks back and sits up. Still thrusting, he grips your hips, his cock dragging against the walls of your cunt, his eyes focusing in on your face. You. Sprawled out on the couch, hair wild against the cushion with blood on your lips. Your tongue licks it up and you gasp a moan as his hips still and his hands hold you down flush on his cock. A dangerous and low chuckle leaves his mouth as he leans down and licks into your mouth, tasting his own blood. His hips begin grinding into yours, your clit rubbing perfectly against his pelvis.
"I'm gonna fucking cum... as deep as I can in your cute little pussy." He gives one sharp thrust and you moan. "You love me so much? Huh?" He's grinding his cock head right against your g-spot so you just nod breathlessly. "Yeah. You're such a sweet girl." He murmurs, smoothing his hand over your hair. "I love you so much-", he whispers pressing his lips to your forehead, "-it makes me sick." His hand trails down your body to your clit and with just a few brushes of his thumb your pussy is pulsing around his cock. Slick is dripping from you onto the couch and you whimper and moan with your head thrown to the side, pressed into the throw pillow.
A hand grabs your jaw gently, forcing you to look up into Simon's blown out, adoring eyes. His thrusts are prolonging your orgasm and all you can do is moan and shake while he traces a thumb along your lips. Your tongue lolls out and licks his thumb. You bite the tip of it as he presses it passed your lips. A grunted moan and a renewed flash of red along his skin are the only indicators before he buries his cock as deep as he can get and shoots his cum against your cervix. The grinding of his hips against your clit and his cock against your g-spot as he rides his orgasm out triggers a second wave of your own. It's so intense that your toes curl and you squirt down his cock with a loud moan.
Simon's hunched over your body panting. You close your eyes as he wetly kisses your lips and rests more of his weight on you. When you open your eyes and turn your gaze back to the TV, a pop up saying "Are you still watching? Yes/No" is taking up the TV screen.
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