#language is naturally limiting because our feelings and thoughts are too deep for it i think

[uncanny-tranny]

How do I know if I'm bi?

So this might not be a helpful answer, but it is my genuine thought, and I want to be honest: You know you're bi if you find comfort, or happiness, or understanding of yourself in that label. It's not necessarily about split attraction to multiple genders.

Yes, bisexual people will often be attracted to more than one gender (not just man and woman, either! Many bisexual people aren't attracted to both binary genders because bisexuality is yet another complex and nuanced component of human sexuality, which in itself is inherently complex). Yes, many bisexual people express those attractions, and yes, many bisexual people share things in common. But frankly, not every bisexual is going to have similar experiences or thoughts or expressions of sexuality. My bisexuality is going to look different than yours might because I am a different human being. As such, I think it's less helpful to say "to be bisexual, you need to have these experiences," but it's more helpful to say, "if you find comfort in the bisexual label, use it"

The worst that happens with sexuality labels is you find one that matches better. I used to use the label pansexual when I was younger - the worst thing that happened was I stopped using it a year later when I felt it didn't accurately describe my feelings anymore.

If you suspect you're bi, there's likely a reason for that, and there's nothing wrong with you investigating that further. However, I don't want you to feel like you need to Prove Yourself to even use language that accurately describes your sexuality or sense of sexuality - no matter if that language is as simple as saying you're bisexual or not. Sexuality is an important aspect of identity for many folks, and you deserve the opportunity to make it as important or inconsequential as you want. Nobody is going to throw you in jail for not being bisexual or queer "enough." There's no law that says you have to have a 50/50 split attraction to binary men and women only to be bi. There's no bisexual card we hand out to you, saying you've been vetted as Bi Enough.

[galedekarios]

minsc & gale

recently i've been doing a playthrough taking minsc along during the limited amount of time we do get to connect with his character in the game and i have to say he's growing on me in a way he didn't in previous titles.

i wanted to take the opportunity here to write a short post about his relationship with gale because that, too, is something i found myself enjoying despite the (too) few interactions that we have between them.

minsc's initial thoughts about gale

Player: How are you and Gale getting along? Minsc: I do not wish to speak of the wizard. Minsc: I could not have said it better myself. - Player Option 1: Gale's great - what's your problem with him? Minsc: He came to me one night with a little book of mischief - full of words and their meanings. Minsc: 'Posterior', he says. 'Can you say 'posterior'?' I refused! Minsc does not need to know the language of wizards. Player: 'Posterior' isn't wizard-talk - it's another word for 'butt'. Minsc: It is an inferior word. Far too long to use in a battle cry, which is where a 'butt' belongs. Minsc: Gale would do better to educate himself in the ways of sword and steel than to throw these pointy words at Minsc. Minsc: Ai, yes. Gale also owns a cat. A cat with wings! That is most unnerving for poor Boo. Player: You should give him a break - he's only trying to help. Minsc: Never! If he is not careful, Boo will shred his books and use them as bedding! - Player Option 2: Did you know that he has an explosive magical orb in his chest that could destroy a city? Minsc: WHAT? Minsc: That is a thousand times more interesting than anything that has ever been written in a book. Minsc: GALE! MY GOOD FRIEND! WHERE ARE YOU? MINSC AND BOO WOULD LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT THE EXPLODING.

they may not start off on the right foot, but with gale's genuine interest in other people's cultures as well as his perception and easy-going nature that changes:

sorcerous sundries

Minsc: Minsc has never trusted places such as this. Too much of a wizard's power can be simply packaged and picked up. devnote: Grumbling as we make our way through the shelves of Sorcerous Sundries Minsc: Well, picked up by all but Minsc. When he touches the many delicate little jars, oh how the wizards shout and stare! devnote: Revealing that his objection of Sorcerous Sundries is not in fact a deep philosophical belief that wizards have too much power - they just make him feel stupid and awkward when he pokes at their things Gale: Fear not, Minsc. You have a wizard at your side who positively encourages such curiosity. You'll fit right in. devnote: Reassuring Minsc: Obliged, wizard. Should we find our way to a weaponsmith, Minsc will rough you up a little - so that you too can fit in. devnote: Warm, comradely, would genuinely be doing Gale a favour

i feel like it truly speaks to gale's character that he doesn't dismiss minsc here - neither his feelings of inadequacy nor his innate curiosity about the things he perceives as wizardly.

it would've been very easy for gale - the wizard prodigy, the former chosen, to archwizard - to act the part of the haughty scholar, akin to the arrogant wizards that minsc describes in this banter, looking down on him, shouting at him, but gale doesn't.

gale reassures minsc, encourages him, telling him he'll fit right in. it reminds me of the way he treats karlach and fostering her interest in books and reading. another pair of seemingly polar opposites that still find a connection. i do think gale is quite natural at this, despite his long time spent in isolation.

and minsc does appreciate it - his tone changes to one of warmth, one of camaraderie - and i think this is also when minsc's perception of gale changes: from the annoying wizard to someone he sees as a companion and friend.

rashemi traditions

Minsc: Gale. Minsc worries you might send a fireball up his butt, with all of this stringy hair in your face. Gale: Is that why you keep your head shaved? I assumed it was a custom of some sort. devnote: Curious, referring to Minsc's origins Minsc: Oh, no! Most warriors of Rashemen wear long battle-braids, weighed down with stone. Minsc can show you, when next we camp? Gale: Thank you, but I'm more wizard than warrior. I'm not sure my scalp would stand up to such a plaiting. devnote: Very politely declining

i like this banter for several reasons: i think not only does it show the progression of their relationship with minsc offering to show gale the traditions of his homeland, gale also shows the same curiosity he shows many different cultures and ways of life, same as he does with lae'zel for instance and githyanki culture.

when he declines minsc's offer, he does so politely, without insulting minsc's traditions, putting the onus on himself instead. he's the wizard, not the warrior.

house of hope

Minsc: Gale! You will perhaps able to explain where Boo has not - what exactly is the difference between a devil and a demon? Gale: A fascinating question, one that boils down to which criteria we choose to apply. Are we speaking about the physiological? Theological? Etymological? devnote: In teacher-mode - up for an in-depth, intellectual discussion Minsc: Eh. Just how-to-kill... -ical. devnote: Non-plussed, echoing Gale's ending every word with 'ical' Gale: Oh. Then for your purposes, they are exactly the same. devnote: Disappointed

this banter genuinely made me laugh. again, i like how it shows the progression of their friendship, to the point of where minsc goes from finding gale annoying to imitating his speech. and gale doesn't put it beyond minsc to have an 'in-depth, intellectual' discussion... even if he is disappointed by the end of their banter, realising that minsc's priorities are... elsewhere.

wychlaran

depending on your party composition and who you take with you, minsc can also call gale his wychlaran.

The Wychlaran, meaning "wise old women" in the ancient language of Halardrim, also known as the Witches of Rashemen outside their lands, were the spiritual leaders of Rashemen, communing with the spirits and guiding the souls of the Rashemi people.

minsc does use it, too, to describe a special bond and a sense of duty and protectiveness to the people he ascribes this title to. he did so in bg1 with dynaheir and in bg2 with aerie.

elminster

Minsc: It must be difficult for Gale to imagine great Elminster a-courting. Writing poems. Doing... certain... deeds. Gale: Long before my time, thank goodness. That's not an image I care to dwell on. Minsc: Ugh. It is difficult for Minsc to think of, too. Let us speak no more of it. Minsc: ... Minsc: Of Elminster and the sex, I mean.

another banter that did genuinely make me laugh despite the seriousness of the situation, especially given the bond that elminster and gale share as well, which speaks of paternal feelings on elminster's part that come with a certain sense of responsibility, as well as gale's admiration, but also often exasperation with his former mentor.

on a more serious note, minsc offers great insights in his interactions with gale and gale's story:

mystra and the vremyonni

The vremyonni or Old Ones were an arcane brotherhood in Rashemen. Men that were arcane spellcasters in Rashemen had two choices, exile or to join the vremyonni. Many vremyonni were kept alive for eons by longevity magic. Vremyonni were expert weaponsmiths and magic item creators. On very rare occasions, vremyonni would fight in the defense of Rashemen. Vremyonni used secrets of magic that even the Witches of Rashemen did not use, destructive spells forbidden among the wilds of Rashemen, in case such magic was needed. The Running Rocks harbored secret strongholds of the vremyonni. All vremyonni wore masks.

Minsc: Gale reminds me of the vremyonni of my homeland. The man-mages of Rashemen. Minsc: While the girl-folk go on to rule as wychlaran, Weave-touched boys were hidden away. Trained to work their craft in silence and secrecy. Minsc: It is an old custom, not well-observed. In truth I thought it born of caution, after some catastrophe wrought by wizardly men-folk of old. Minsc: Now I wonder if it was not done to hide them from Mystra, and the snares she sets for young and prideful boys, hm? Minsc: Though this suggests that Mystra has never tempted a witch into foolishness. Not that I would blaspheme by suggesting otherwise. Minsc: I forget why I began this long and winding story. Yes Boo - we have been spending too long around the wizard.

i think this is a very interesting banter, especially since it's also only marked to trigger if gale agrees to return the crown to mystra.

it's easy to dismiss this banter, laugh it off as just another instance of minsc being minsc, but i think it's important to consider it within the context of game canon and what has been shown to us.

it's a story and everything within a story is there for a reason.

another great insight from minsc comes if gale is pushed towards the crown by the player:

gale and godhood

Minsc: Who among us has not been spurned by a lover? But a word of advice, if Minsc may be so bold: Minsc: Let the wizard lick his wounds. Write some rickety rhymes, and weep most manfully into his hamster's hide. Eh - his cat's hide. Minsc: But... his boasting is unbecoming. 'Claim godhood', he says? Will this make him any less a man with a half-mended heart?

again, minsc does at times share great insight into other characters and he does so here again with gale:

will this make him any less a man with a half-mended heart?

i think it quite accurately goes straight to the crux of what makes it so very easy to push gale towards godhood: he is hurt. he feels abandoned. by his goddess. by his former lover. both as a mystran and on deeply personal level.

he is drifting, seeking something to hold his head above the water. if it's not the protag's love or friendship, it will be the crown.

anyhow, i never expected to write this when i first learned that minsc would be a companion, but i truly did enjoy him and his interactions with gale in particular.

[mazeinthemiroh]

In desperate need of how SKZ would spoil their girlfriends and the gifts they’d get for them like…I feel like lixie’s love language is gift giving so he’s the type to drop half his paycheck on his s/o😩✋🏾

how stray kids would spoil their s/o

genre: fluff

warnings: none

please like and reblog if you enjoy! feel free to request anything <3

bangchan

not only will channie spoil you

he will literally refuse you buying ANYTHING

i just keep thinking of that one clip when he and felix were arguing about who got to pay for stuff at the convenience store... oh the chaos...

like he's so petty about it but it's like a need for him

he needs to buy you stuff

let him buy you stuff!!!

it's just a tendency for him. ingrained in his personality for sure; not something he can control

lee know

he honestly doesn't really think about it at all

in his mind, what's his is your

you want his money? take his freaking money lmfao

spoiling you and treating you to things comes as second nature to him and something he doesn't take much consideration to

it just feels right to buy you stuff you want, and he doesn't give it a second thought tbh

it's just really not that deep to him 🤷

changbin

this man has his wallet out permanently istg

just waiting to pay for things, credit card ready to swipe asap

he's always buying you stuff

just because

like there is no reason for it

maybe he likes being a provider, sure. or perhaps he likes you depending on him to an extent

idk whatever is going through this man's brain, i just think it's in his nature to want to spoil his loved ones

hyunjin

hyunne likes indulging your hobbies

if you are a bookworm, for instance, he will spend not only his money but his time carefully picking out books for you to enjoy

or if you are an artist like him, he will buy you all sorts of paints and pencils and sketchpads. you name it, he's getting you it!

also he has expensive taste, so when he wants to get you a fancy gift he is not stingy with that credit card of his

with him, if he's in love, why should he limit that love? if one way to show love is to get something you've been wanting for ages, why shouldn't he?

han

he would much rather he spend money on you than the other way round

not for traditional reasons or anything like that. more that he feels guilty, like he's not giving enough

he's a very generous soul but sometimes in relationships, he likes to just sit back and relax

and then he feels like he's not putting enough effort in so he over-compensates by spending a tone load of money on you

you reassure him that he is fine the way he is and doesn't have to do that but now it's become a habit he very much enjoys

felix

you are so incredibly right anon

i mean for felix is feel like all love languages fit him because he is basically the human incarnate of love but yeah

gift giving is one of them

felix loves buying gifts i know i have said this so many times in every single felix related content i write but he just can't stop buying stuff for other people

he loves spending money in general, so what better way to do that than spending money on gifts for the person he loves most?

seungmin

he's quite sensible with his money and only usually really buys something if he needs it

but spending money on you is a bit of a different story

he doesn't limit himself nor does he ask if you actually need that item you've been wanting to be. if you want it, you got it.

will literally ask for your wishlist and buy you everything off it, i'm not exaggerating

he's not one to beat around the bush, our seungmin! he goes straight to the point, as he should 💅

jeongin

jeongin is a reallyyyy good gift-buyer

he's perfectly balanced, really. he likes getting you gifts here and there, some of them are personal and others are expensive. he likes to get both kinds of gifts so that your heart is touched but also you get something a little fancy from him too <33

much like felix, he likes spending his money. and he feels he isn't being wasteful with it when he is buying you stuff because it makes you super happy aww

[whaledenwtf]

Hey, can I request a drow!Tav who's actually very kind, has strong sense of justice and tries to help people out when she can with Astarion? It seems a bit tricky combination, but I really love your writing. 💛

I love elf-type races so the idea of a soft-spoken sweet drow is actually very interesting and I'm totally interested in exploring! Since you wrote she I'm assuming you wanted AFAB!Tav so I will be writing with she/her pronouns. Warning that there is a minor Non Consensual/ Dubious Consensual moment in the fic. I will be marking it with two stars ** so you are aware of when it ends and when it begins.

REQUEST: HERE BALDUR'S GATE 3 MASTERLIST: HERE

Request: Drow!Tav/Drow!Reader x Astarion - As Sweet As Can Be

WORD COUNT: 1795

Warnings: ANGST (Lots of it) Fluff, Some Smut (NonCon/DubCon), AFAB!Reader, SPOILERS!!!! Speak of Astarion's Lore (Including and not limited to S/A and lack of choices) and Act 1, Love and Support for my Angel Astarion 💖

As always, the goal is to keep the characters as close to their in-game personalities as possible.

People always tell you "it's so easy to just be nice". What a load of bullshit. They never could understand how difficult it was to go against your very nature at every turn. You were raised in the depths of the Underdark, fighting your way out to feel the rays of the sun on your amethyst-toned skin.

That may be why you sympathize with Astarion. You understood what it felt like to be in constant darkness because of your nature. Fighting tooth and nail for freedom, without being someone's puppet. When he tried biting you, you accepted him whole-heartedly. When he asked to drink from you, you accepted him whole-heartedly.

"I still cannot comprehend why you are so kind. They do not deserve your pity." He told you once, at the beginning of your adventure. You ponder his words, and your response.

"All it takes is one kind soul to change a person's future." You had responded. He also pondered your words late at night. He questions what one kind person would have done to change his life.

You told yourself you found a kindred spirit in Astarion, but he wonders if he too had found a kindred spirit in you.

You had saved Arabella from Kagha's viper. Despite many of your companions approving of your actions, you saw Astarion wasn't too pleased with time being wasted on a child.

"We're not getting the information we need. Should we not focus on the worms wriggling in our skulls?" Astarion said to you as you leave the inner sanctums of the Emerald Grove. You could see other companions shoot your spoilsport vampire some sour looks. You put a hand on his shoulder.

"The worms in our skulls are not going to disappear. We have time to focus on them."

"Exactly. They are not going to disappear. You may be content with turning into a mindflayer, but I have my good looks to keep!" He says loudly, earning more disapproving looks from your companions. You sigh.

"You may question my actions, but I will not let an innocent child die at the hands of a treacherous viper. We got our information, and we will find the Arch Druid Halsin. After all, he may have the answers we seek." This seems to appease him, slightly.

"Plus, you get to kill goblins." He grins at those words.

"Now you are speaking my language." You grin at him, patting his shoulder gently. You turn to your other companions.

"We will tread forward and save Halsin, then go to this Creche. I understand that these are much more stops than intended, however we must gain as much information as possible so we could get a full understanding of what is happening and how to prevent it from getting worse." Gale walks up to you and puts a hand on your shoulder.

"I will follow your lead, wherever it leads us." You smile at the human, nodding at everyone else.

Astarion can't help but scoff at Gale's actions.

It was late at night now, and everyone else was asleep. You notice a particularly antsy vampire pacing around quietly, deep in thought.

"Penny for your thoughts?" You ask him when you walk up to him. He jumps, shocked.

"Gods! You can't scare a vampire like that... I'll bite." He ends with a seductive lilt in his tone. He smirks at you as you blush, turning away.

"I am just... thinking." He answers your previous question, frowning. You see his defeated stance, and sigh.

"We're going for a walk." You decide, grabbing his hand and pulling him away from camp, nodding at Halsin as you pass. He lets you drag him until you're in the thicket of the forest, the light of the camp a dot in the distance.

"Why are we walking? Don't we do that enough?" Astarion complains to you, whining loudly. Once you have distance from the camp, you let go of his hand and continue walking.

"I think you need to clear your head." You tell him, humming a soft tune.

"The only thing I need to clear my head of is this tadpole, darling." He says quietly, following you. You find a small clearing near a river, the treeline becoming sparser and allowing the moon's light to bathe you both. You sit near the shoreline, the water lazily moving as if it was also taking reprieve. He grumbles about his clothes getting dirty as he sits next to you.

"I understand how difficult it is for you, Astarion-"

"Nothing is difficult for me. I'm perfect." He says confidently, though you can tell it is forced.

"Must have slipped my mind." You say simply. He continues his act, boasting of his greatness.

"I am wonderfully stealthy, and beautiful." You nod, smiling at him. "I can speak my way out of anything, including Gale's dreadfully boring speeches-" You giggle at his words. He smiles at you, turning to look at you.

"The world is for the taking, darling. And I plan to take it." He says with certainty.

"Are you done your speech?" You tease him, turning to look forward and watch the stars. He gapes next to you, galled at your audacity. He splutters, unable to form a sentence in shock. You laugh loudly, the sound melodic.

"I want to speak about your troubles." He turns away from you now, no longer analyzing your profile.

"All this talk is wasted on me." He whispers, frowning. You turn to look at him again, seeing his scarlet eyes focusing on the rocks below your feet.

"Nothing is wasted on you." You answer simply. His gaze snaps to you. For the first time, you can clearly read his emotions through his eyes. There is a sadness, all encompassing.

"You think I do not understand your plight?-" You look into eachother's eyes, leaning closer. "I was once Lolth's puppet, like most Drow." You turn to look at the sky now, the moon's beams illuminating your face. If Astarion did not know better, he'd think you were a fae, magical and powerful. Beautiful.

"Lolth is a chaotic goddess, blood-thirsty and uncaring. Many of my years in the Underdark were filled with loss, anger, bloodshed... betrayal. I trusted no one. I still find it difficult to trust." You say quietly. He stays silent, allowing you to continue your story. "I began to rebel. I was punished, severely. I knew at that moment I needed to go on the surface. Those years were filled with darkness... the first moment I felt the sun's rays on my skin- I cried. A century of darkness and pain was behind me. I began to follow Eilistraee, and found my path. This anger was a weapon, and I wielded it poorly. Innocent people do not deserve that. I decided to be the good I desperately needed in the Underdark." You ended, tears in your eyes. You turn to look back at him and he was closer, only a couple inches away from you. His eyes flicker to your lips before looking back up at you. He surges forward, kissing you passionately. In shock, you stay still, though your lips move against his.

**NonCon/DubCon Content Warning**

He climbs on top of you, hand going up your night clothes. You pull away when his hand grazes your under boob.

"Astarion-" He kisses your neck, lips kissing the mark he made two nights prior, when he drank from you.

"Astarion, please." He misunderstands you once more, his hand going up to touch your breast, groping it lightly. Your hands go on his chest and push him away. He falls backwards, giving you both some very needed distance. He looks broken, his gaze void.

**NonCon/DubCon Content Warning**

"This isn't right." You tell him, biting your lip. He frowns, turning away.

"I've never had someone turn me away..." He says quietly, looking down. Your heart breaks for him.

"Is this what Cazador asked of you?" You whisper, biting the inside of your cheek. He doesn't answer, but his body language is enough.

"You do not need to put up an act for me, Astarion. You are worthy and enough as you are. I do not need you for your body." You see his eyes get misty, but the tears never fall. He doesn't answer, staying silent.

"Come here, please." You tell him, lying down and spreading your arms. His gaze leaves the ground and he looks at you, before nudging himself closer slowly. He lies next to you, still not touching you.

"May I hold your hand?" You ask him softly. You turn to look at his profile, but he does not meet your gaze. He nods. You take his cold hand in yours, linking your fingers.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. You shake your head.

"I do not want you to apologize to me." You tell him. He turns to you then.

"I... I almost..." He bites his lip, unable to finish his sentence.

"Listen to me, please-" You grip his hand tighter, thumb caressing the alabaster skin.

"You are hurting. You do not deserve this. You are surrounded by darkness. Your reaction... you were conditioned to act in such a way. Did you mean what you did?" He shakes his head, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Then I will not hold it against you." He turns over, laying on his side to look at you. You turn as well, both facing one another and on your sides.

"You're too good for me." He whispers again.

"You're much more than what Cazador has made you believe you are. You aren't just a puppet. I am proof of that." You tell him. His other hand goes up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Let us just... lay here for awhile. Look at the stars. Enjoy the freedom we found." You right yourself, laying on your back. He mirrors you, laying on his back.

"This freedom will not last... not for me." He says after a long period of silence.

"I will make sure it will." He turns to look at you. You turn to him, gazing at his beautiful features.

"200 years of pure shit. I lost all hope in anything." He says to you. You squeeze his hand, fingers still linked.

"I will kill Cazador." You say simply. He laughs loudly, his whole body shaking at the intensity.

"You can certainly try, darling." You smile at him.

"We can do it, together. You do not have to carry your burdens on your own, Astarion." He nudges closer to you, his head leaning on your shoulder.

"I will think about it." That was enough for you. You hum in acceptance, before leaning your cheek against the crown of his head and enjoying the darkness together.

Suddenly, the world didn't feel so alone.

Exploring Astarion's lore and storyline always hurts me, and I try to use it to better fulfill what I wish for him, which is growth and happiness. The scene I wrote which was noncon/dubcon is something I particularly found important to write about because I personally feel like Astarion would use sex as a coping mechanism, and is not used to people pushing him away. Abuse is a cycle, and throughout the game we see Astarion stuck in that cycle, and later on continue it (despite him thinking otherwise).

I think many people overlook the psychological layers to a character like Astarion. To write something that I feel is close to the character, I try to explore every aspect of their past and personality, especially the dark parts. I hope I was able to do so.

[ambiguouspuzuma]

Restored

All that excitement had left me badly maimed - I'd lost my hand, and with it a great deal of my blood. We'd been charged to drive a band of brigands from the outskirts of the town, and I'd cut a few of them down, but not without taking an axe to the wrist in the process.

"Hold still," our healer said, thumbing through his notes. "I've got a spell for this."

"Are you sure?" I asked, trying to stem the bleeding stump with my other hand. My only hand. He'd healed some cuts before, but that had been different: just speeding up what my body would have managed naturally, to avoid the risk of infection. This would take a full-on miracle.

"Ah, here it is. Restoring lost body parts. I think I can get the blood back too, because I don't think you should be walking home as it is."

"Hang on, it's going to replace everything I've lost?"

"That's right, but we don't have much more time before you bleed out. Is there a problem?"

"I took a leak not long ago, and I've been working up a hell of a sweat since then. If you're putting my blood back, how does it distinguish? Is there a time limit, or are you pulling everything I've ever spilled out into the world? No offence, but I don't want my bladder and stomach to explode."

"Fine, fine, I see your point." He consulted his notes again, but worried eyes kept glancing at the paleness of my face, my clasped knuckles slick with blood, the way it pooled between my fingers and dripped steadily to the ground. "I can rule out things lost naturally, and only restore the parts of you that were removed by weapons. Is that okay? Can I start?"

"Sure. Do what you can."

I didn't recognise the language he intoned, but assumed he'd translated the relevant words. Then, a moment after he finished, it began. My wrist began to burn hot and then cold, which I hoped was part of the spell working as planned, but then I started feeling it in other places too. My other hand, and my feet, and then my jaw, the latter followed by a sudden wave of pain.

"Can you stop it?" I asked, forcing the words out through gritted teeth.

"No, not now it's started. Is something wrong?"

"I had my wisdom teeth out last year." They'd been growing horizontally, and all four had to be removed, using a set of metal tools that I supposed counted as weapons. Now they were forcing their way back into my freshly healed gums. "It's agonising."

"Ah. Well, there's nothing I can do in the moment, but as soon as we're home we can get somebody to take them back out. Probably not the same person, though, just so they don't get confused."

I couldn't help but smile at his joke - literally, my mouth was frozen into place, an open rictus grin as the only way to ease the torment. My other teeth were feeling increasingly tender, unsurprisingly as they were forced together from both sides, and I was no longer even able to clench my jaw against the pain.

But it had also spread elsewhere. I brushed my hair out of my face, noting that it had suddenly started growing like a particularly aggressive crop of bamboo - no doubt scissors had been deemed enough of a weapon for the spell to have reversed every haircut I'd ever had. The same applied to my fingernails, which were achingly stretching into vicious talons, together with every hangnail I'd suffered in my life.

The toenails were the worse. Trapped within my leather boots, some had forced their way into the thick material, embedded there so that I couldn't take them off. Others had rebounded back towards my feet, curving round to bury deep into the flesh of my soles, where they had sunk into far enough that I sank to my knees in sympathy.

"What now? Is it still just the pain?"

"Just?" I kicked at my boots like an animal in a trap, desperate to free my ruined feet from their captivity, but the more I tried the more it made it worse.

In that moment, I wished the healer hadn't tried to help at all. It would have been better that way, I thought. He should have left me as I was, to bleed out on the journey home, rather than be reduced to this. An honourable casualty of combat. None of this convulsing on the floor, scrabbling at my shoes with tender claws and a jaw that burned with every breath, whining like some feral beast under a mop of unwashed hair.

In that moment, I would have traded anything to make the torture stop. My right hand. An arm and a leg. Anything.

"Do we still have that axe?" I asked.

[aerimomo-mellon]

Skz as Boyfriends!

Paring~ SKZ x Reader

Genre~ informative lol

A/N~ yep it was requested! Enjoy 친구 <3

warnings? none. (idk mention of bed related things haha)

SKZ M☁List II Main M☁List

시장……..

✿ Bangchan

We all know this guy and you all have read enough of him I think, to know what imma say. (But for special purposes why not..)

This guy is really really serious about relationships and you are probably the one because he just can’t help loving everything about you.

The fact that he is yours even with all the responsibilities and work he has as a leader and idol is a miracle itself. Therefore consider yourself LUCKY to have the most caring and loving man anyone could have.

Dates- He likes movies hence movie nights and date to the theater are often. If not then he likes taking you to a sports event or the beach cause yeah. ( that vibesssssss you know? )

PDA = 3/10 why?, because as mentioned earlier he is responsible for many important things and he doesn’t want to have any misunderstandings about you and dislikes hate in general. That 30% I gave him was because he would only do PDA if really needed.

In Bed things? Umm not often actually but once in a while yes WHILE he would like it I’m sorry I mean LOVE it..

Con? Yep time! Sorry girl but that time you need, it’s hard for him to fulfill every time.

Cute extra info- Doesn’t mention it but secretly likes when you poke his dimple and say he’s cute.

✿ Minho

There are these majority conceptions, as I said majority but not all cause there are stays who know that he is a sweet guy deep deep down.😉

If you’re his s/o he will give every bit of him to you and expects the same for you. I would categorize him as a boyfriend wo acts like a mom lol. It maybe hard to digest that information but trust me this feeling I have from my gut I can say that he is also very caring. Although he might not say things like I will be there whenever you need me or even I miss you, care for you, but he doesn't need to say this anyway. As action speak more than words our Minho is the same.

Dates- He likes to balance it between what you like and what he likes as well. If you are a new couple he straight up asks what you prefer. Plus point he likes to take you to cat café if you like cats too.

PDA = 0.5/10 why? honestly speaking this guy literally hates to express his feelings. That .5 is literally him agreeing that he is yours and that's it. (when someone asks that is)

In Bed things? I personally think it depends on his mood and not yours. Yup. Somedays he wants you a lot and somedays he likes his space. I'm not saying he hates cuddling but more than that on days he is either tired or stressed he likes to keep that little limit to what happens next.

Con? Attention... you would literally take his cats away from him to get his attention.

Cute extra info- likes it when you call him and yourself Appa and Eomma to his cats.

✿ Changbin

Changbin being the puff/ strong guy(sorry that sounded disturbed lol) We all know how babied he likes to be.

Him as a boyfriend is just very natural, I mean from the way he takes you on a fancy date to even putting nail polish on your left hands. Everything is very genuine and he loves it. The Boyfriend to always apologize first.

I find him as someone to take attraction and the next step which is relationship very seriously. ( the person to be very calculative, it can beat Chan honestly..)Knowing that he is afraid to hurt people in any kind of way, to hurt you even as an accident breaks his heart.

Dates- Our Dwaekki loves taking you on dates with loads of food or snacks. A typical Korean restaurant or even food stalls, he loves seeing you eat than to be broken when you might have some kind of sickness due to eating problems.

PDA = 5/10 why? Because he likes your opinion. He is okay with either if you insist on a particular one but slightly leans on less public knowing. Holding hands and probably hugging you wouldn't be a huge problem for him.

In Bed things? he loves it anytime honestly... if he is horney he is getting what he wants and when you are same goes to you.. you'll get what you want..

Cons? Too much aegyo which makes you do things you don’t necessarily want to. (Stay blessed)

Cute extra info- Praise him! (x100) loves it when you say things like " my boyfriend is so strong.." or even " those arms mmm..."

✿ Hyunjin

I mean do I need to say how into he is with this??? Damn this man is the most prepared man a girl could have. The type to know everything about relationships... from trending couple fashion to even special not important but cute couple events..( that he probably found randomly scrolling through google)

He knows your anniversary, birthday, your moms birthday, dads and basically your whole family knows him too. He also keeps track of your monthly cycle too cause he likes being responsible for you..

He is the type to get jealous very easily BUT wont admit it when you ask. Likes to braid your hair while learning from YouTube.. Likes to buy you so many colorful cute hair accessories. (loves your hair..)

Dates- we all know this guy is fancy so he likes fancy dates but he can also be the complete opposite.. Fancy~ maybe to a art restaurant or even on a fancy boat cause why not.. Normally though~ likes to take you to an art museum or at night to take you on the roof for star gazing..

PDA = 2/10 why? I've probably given hints on my fictions with Hyunjin about this in particular. He prefers keeping this in private and that 20% is with his members (barely)

In Bed things? This guy couldn’t be more romantic lol. Loves being prepared for this buys every thing you both need… and yeah loves it.

Cons? He buys Kammi more hair clips than you sorry….

Cute extra info- likes when you get mad when he cut his hair lol. I apologize to all the stays I know he is cute every time but that long hair just hits different….

✿ Jisung

The craziest boyfriend you could have and will only have. You would low key love your relationship with this man I’m telling ya…

You two would have so much fun like toddlers. He is honestly the cutest, funniest, talented etc.. man you get all in one.. ahaha..

Likes to buy you the most stupid things that actually works for a daily living..( that thing he bought to watch on his phone while laying down 😵)

likes to joke around and talk to you a lot.. gurll listen to him he loves it. He likes to value your problems as well so listens to you too.

Dates- likes to watch anime so you two usually have this anime night cuddle sessions but if he were to plan something outside he would prefer to take you to the amusement part lol.

PDA = 8/10 why? honestly he likes showing you off cause he is fond of you. Basically doesn't care what others think... his parents know you, members, friends outside the group, and stays know you exist lol.. 20% i kept for a reason because he doesn't like it when things get out of handle so he wont do anything to the extent..

In bed things? yes he likes it but that turns up into a tickle fight or even a complete cringe but cute moment..

Cons? He might be very sensitive leading to him being upset and you having to apologize...

Cute extra info- loves it when you kiss his cheeks or just play with them in general..

✿ Felix

I had to bring this up at some point lol.. stays probably know the video where he says his clothes are boyfriend material lol...and yes i agree hands down!

A boyfriend material in his own way ahaha.. i mean we all know he loves to be cared for and loved. That Bangchan! spoiled little youngbok.. i personally feel or think two ways. Either he likes being cared for by you or he takes care for you since now he gets to be the older one..

Felix likes speaking in English so if you know English he would speak both languages as well. Likes to give you blowjobs cause he fell in love with you lol..

Dates- Shopping malls, window shopping, UNO on a picnic lol all these are his favs and so are yours .. Personally speaking he likes to take you to places where he can take lots of pictures of you..

PDA = 4/10 why? I don't know haha yup its just a feeling where I'm in between of two opposite thoughts.. I fell like he shows you to his members and family but not more than that.. (Olivia is most likely to love you)

In bed things? Likes being pampered and loves it when you lead.. happens pretty often actually..

Cons? yes! he like being touchy and so do you but he does it too much which beats ya.. and jealous really easily! and he lets you know that..

cute extra info- compliment him on his freckles and he will blush literally a tomato 🍅..

✿ Seungmin

Sweet really sweet.. he is the typical Korean boyfriend you'll get haha even better than that.

He just likes to talk to you or even look at you all day and keep that puppy smile on him.. The type to sing you a song to sleep or whenever you ask him to. likes to hear you sing too.. attempts to make you laugh but ends up, giving up.

He likes kissing your eyes when they are closed.. or when you just fell asleep after the song likes to give your eyes quick pecks..

Dates- He likes walks and that's why you go on evening walks and return when it's dark.. likes holding your hands. He likes grocery shopping with you, takes you to the rooftop to talk about life and its shitty problems.. Basically effortless things that make your relationship happy for what it is.

PDA = 1/10 why? I mean do I need to tell you this? he is like Minho but just a little bit more obvious.. Prefers to express his love when you two are alone..(that's it)

In bed things? umm yes but no.. i mean he gives in to your begs but I feel like Seungmin is just too into cute cuddling and these things are only when he is very desperate ..

Cons? not much but maybe ignoring you when you ask if he can buy you ice Cream for the fifty-sixth time..(but gives in anyway)

Cute extra info- He likes when he sees you in his clothes.. but doesn't say it and acts like he doesn't..

✿ Jeongin

Baby, baby, Baby..... he is our baby boyyyy but his savage ass towards his Hyungs just breaks it all hahaha…

Jk he is actually really cute, caring, sweet and likes to be protective. It may not suit him but yes he likes scolding people if done wrong to you..

You might be older or younger honestly he doesn’t care.. he is very respectful to you either way. He loves you and is very shy too which you find cute.

Dates- Asks you for your opinion or his Hyungs. He still is very inexperienced so he doesn’t know but sometimes likes it when you two spend time on the swings of some random park with fruit juice 🧃..

PDA = 0/10 why? Cause no no no no not even to his members haha he is just too shy and likes to keep his relationship in its own boundaries.

In bed things? Nope please! I’m sorry stays but I just can’t with Jeongin… (no further details he is just so precious to me)

Cons? He understands very late.. like you trying to say you want to cuddle, kiss etc.. without words he won’t get it. Just fucking be straight forward with our baby.

Cute extra info- honestly everything is cute about him so I can’t fit it here sorry… stays use your imagination here…

끝…

[tooruluv]

Hajime Iwaizumi x F!Reader

❝ enemies, as well as lovers, come to resemble each other over a period of time ❞

description: your feud with hajime iwaizumi only escalated throughout your years at hogwarts; whether it was on the quidditch field or who would be the first to sit down in class, there always seemed to be some sort of raging competition between you two.  

genre: hogwarts!au, angst, enemies to lovers, slow burn, rivals, gryffindor quidditch keeper iwaizumi, slytherin quidditch captain f!reader

word count: 5.5k

warnings/notes: swearing, lots of angst, small depictions of violence, mentions of alcohol and drinking, not proof read im so sorry although i am an avid believer than both iwa and oikawa would be slytherins, i wanted to play with the idea of them being gryffindors, which actually makes sense when you think hard about it hfklhfd anyway! please enjoy!

part of a hogwarts collab !  collab masterlist posted here ! tysm to the wonderful @rintsuru​ for hosting <3

my general masterlist

You could feel his presence from across the dining hall, immediately dowsing you in a raging hatred that you only reserved for him. His arrogance mocked you as he basically danced into the Great Hall bathed in compliments.

The Gryffindor quidditch team won against Ravenclaw the night before. You didn’t know why he had all of the glory... he wasn’t even the captain. Being keeper had its perks, you guessed.

You rolled your eyes and focused your attention to your food. You tried not to stab the plate as you heard the varying praises to the boy in red and gold. “Congrats, Iwa!” and “That last block was brilliant!” nearly made you want to choke.

Hajime Iwaizumi was simply not someone who deserved such compliments. He was vile, annoying, and did everything in his limited power to poke and prod at every single one of your nerves. You used to ignore your burning hatred that you harbored for him; but late in your second year, you had let it all out.

And, as it turned out, he wasn’t quite fond of you either.

It had been years since then, yet the feelings remained the same. It was just the start of your sixth year and you already wanted to gouge his eyes out with the pointy end of your fork.

Tooru Oikawa caught your gaze and sent you a cheeky smile. You wished that you could hate the captain as much as his keeper, but you only let your hatred for him simmer for so long. He was quite fun when he wasn’t next to the little shit.

“Just wait for next week when you verse Slytherin! You’re sure to win!” a small Gryffindor told them. 

“I wouldn’t be too sure.” You said, perhaps a bit too loudly. You lacked volume control, after all.

“What was that, Slytherin?” Iwaizumi turned to you. His gaze was fire on your skin and you wanted nothing but to catch him aflame as well. 

“Your arrogance and cockiness proceeds even you.” You said, voice monotone and venomous against the recent silence at your speech. “I wouldn’t be too sure of your success.”

“Say that again after the match.” Iwaizumi turned back to accept another compliment and find a place to sit at his house’s table.

You wondered if you would get expelled if an apple happened to launch out of your hands and land on the back of his head.

Late in your second year, you had enough of Hajime Iwaizumi.

The both of you were in a silent competition the minute you were introduced to each other in your first year. It was never anything serious, just two eleven year olds who liked to be at the top.

It wasn’t until your second year that you started to feel genuine distaste for him. You had buried the thought of “hate” for a long time, masking it to be annoyance and opposition. 

The hatred was much deeper than a surface burn.

It was during charms class that you finally snapped. 

It was not more than the simple mutter of his breath. It was a mispronunciation of the spell and the tap of his wand against the table that made you lose your control. 

“Hajime! Can you please, for the love of Merlin, shut the fuck up!” The harsh language created a tense silence through the classroom. No twelve year old had the balls to curse that hard in front of that many people, including a professor. “If you are going to be an idiot, at least try to hide it.”

Hajime Iwaizumi turned in his seat to face you, irritation and vexation easily overpowering his shock. 

“Funny that you’re saying that.” He said.

“You’re so ridiculous.” You rolled your eyes. “Oh, I’m Hajime Iwaizumi and I am a perfect student that can’t even properly pronounce a simple spell! But that doesn’t matter because guess who’s a keeper for the quidditch team when I’m only a second year!! I am perfect!! Literally no one likes you.”

“Trust me, no one likes you either.”

No one meaning, and translating to, I don’t.

Just to show off, you easily cast the charm that he had failed. Charms was your strong subject, so you only needed to say the spell and flick your wand before turning your attention back to him.

He was nearly smoking from his ears, he was both embarrassed and livid.

You waved to Kei Tsukishima as you caught his gaze from the side of the hall. He was a fellow Slytherin and a good friend, though neither of you would admit that to each other.

He nodded as his greeting. He shoved his book back into his bag as you made your way to his side.

“Hey, Tsukki.” You said. “I wasn’t expecting to see you until practice tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, I’m waiting for Yamaguchi.” He turned his body to lean against the wall. “We’re going to Hogsmeade today.”

“No invitation?”

He sighed. “Would you like to join us, Captain?”

“I was joking, no need to sound so enthusiastic.” You chuckled. As you started to speak again, Tadashi Yamaguchi left the classroom the two of you stood outside of. He smiled at you, his green and white reflecting off of his eyes.

“Captain!” Yamaguchi greeted, putting an arm around your shoulder. “Are you coming to Hogsmeade with us?”

“Be careful, the idiots are coming.” Tsukishima interrupted and warned, motioning over your shoulder.

You turned around to find Oikawa and Iwaizumi walking next to each other, laughing about something only the two of them knew. You had to hold back from making a comment.

“Yoohoo!” Tooru Oikawa caught your eye. You sighed and turned back to your fellow Slytherins, sharing a look. 

“Hello, Tooru.” You felt him beside you before you looked. 

You purposely didn’t look at Iwaizumi. 

“We’re celebrating our win tonight, you guys should join!” Oikawa invited. You heard Iwaizumi’s exhale of frustration, but you only rolled your eyes in an attempt to ignore his presence. 

“You want a group of Slytherins hanging out with you, celebrating your win, when we go against you in less than a week?” Tsukishima spoke up. He moved off of the wall. “No thanks. Come, Yamaguchi. Let’s go.”

Yamaguchi waved goodbye and followed his best friend down the hall. You pivoted to fully face the two Gryffindors.

“I’ll come.” You said, mainly out of spite.

Tooru Oikawa was naturally outgoing. He was the captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team, a flirt, and all together a pretty chill person. You didn’t mind calling him a friend, despite the vast differences between you two.

One vast difference being his best friend.

Which is why you found yourself next to him as soon as you entered the Gryffindor party. The cascades of burgundy and gold created a deep atmosphere in the hidden room, lights dancing along the dark walls and the smell of various alcohols filled the air. It was a Gryffindor party, that much was true.

You were one of the very few Slytherins that occupied the room. Your eyes caught sight of only a couple, most of them much younger than you and just happy to be at one of their first few parties.

“Oi, a snake has crawled into the winner’s common room.” Oikawa joked as he handed you a can. You accepted. 

“A snake in a lion’s den, I wonder who will win.” You quipped. 

“The lion, for sure.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure. Snakes can eat things 100 percent their size.” You raised a brow and opened your can. 

“Hm,” Oikawa looked over his shoulder and called out for someone you didn’t see. “Hey! Who do you think would win, a lion or a snake?”

“A lion obviously.” It was Hajime Iwaizumi. 

You let out a groan, immediately losing your sense of humor. “Ah, you’ll see in less than a week.”

“I don’t think I will.” Iwaizumi said, stoic and annoyed. “This win was only one of few.”

“I suggest you just celebrate this win.” You took a sip. “Because I don’t think the losing team would like to come to the winner’s party.”

“That just means I will not be seeing you, which is a grand idea.”

It was the time of year just before winter, where the air starts to cool but the sun still warms your skin. You took a breath and held your broom at your side. 

It was near minutes before the anticipated game against Gryffindor, and you could hear the crowds already. The rivalry between your houses was something that everyone enjoyed; the rivalry between you and their keeper was all you.

“Alright team.” You pivoted to the team behind you. “We’re playing Serpent first; and if we don’t get any points within the first two minutes, I’ll hold up the signal for Green. Got it?”

“Got it.”

You had a pretty well-rounded team in your honest opinion. Tsukishima was perfect as your keeper, he was never one to let anything get past him. Your chasers included you, Yamaguchi, and another girl named Yui Michimiya. You had the Miya twins for beaters. And, rather recently, you gained a new seeker named Tobio Kageyama. The same age as your keeper, but only wanted to join quidditch out of hate for the Gryffindor seeker (and who were you to deny that?).

The Gryffindor team was not one to mess with, they had a nice team too. Iwaizumi as the keeper, the Idiots Nishinoya and Tanaka as beaters, their new seeker Shoyo Hinata... but the problem was their chasers: Oikawa, Kiyoko Shimizu, and Wakatoshi Ushijima. They were so quick on their brooms, it was like working against wind.

Today was no day to lose.

“It’s our first official match of the year.” You encouraged. “Let’s show them who not to mess with.”

“Let’s absolutely destroy them.” Atsumu added.

You grinned.

As you headed towards the field, you could feel the adrenaline creeping into your bones. Quidditch had become routine, simple muscle memory as you moved to your starting positions. 

The Gryffindor team appeared, and you felt the excitement enter you in a rush of air.

In the air, Hajime Iwaizumi felt at peace. He was very good at what he did, and he knew that, and the game was something he was passionate about.

He was also passionate about beating you.

You were the bane of his existence. You had never once sent him anything other than something bitter or sarcastic. You were an annoying pest that he simply couldn’t get rid of.

And as you threw the Quaffle into the goal just above his head, Iwaizumi felt his eye twitch.

Slytherin won, Tobio Kageyama’s hand high with the Snitch inside. 

You watched in triumph as the teams descended on the brooms. From the skies down, you cheered.

“Congrats, Slytherin.” Oikawa said, though his tone was bitter and sour. 

You knew that he hated losing, so you didn’t push it. He was a friend, after all. Sending him just a small “I’m sorry you didn’t win” smile, you headed to your team. You gathered them into a hug, or rather-- a huddle, and ruffled the hair on Kageyama’s head. 

You peeked over your shoulder to catch sight of Iwaizumi. He was standing, hands at his sides, red face and eyes blank of any expression other than anger.

You smirked at him.

Hajime Iwaizumi was on the other side of the victory this time, silently brooding as he picked at his food in the Great Hall. The Gryffindor table emitted zero volume. 

He was pissed off the second you entered the hall, Kei Tsukishima and Tadashi Yamaguchi walking beside you. The green and white seemed to glow, mocking him in the worst way imaginable. 

Oikawa tried to bring his attention back to the food, but Iwaizumi was focused primarily on you. You were gloating, relishing in his loss, taking delight in the compliments from your house. A Hufflepuff appeared at your side, and you smiled as you thanked them for their congratulations. 

He felt sick.

You could not help but drown yourself in the triumph. You walked on air, the feeling of superiority tickling every inch of skin it could touch.

You waved goodbye to a couple of friends, heading directly to the Gryffindor table. You placed your hands on Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s shoulders, leaning to place your head right between theirs.

“I suppose the snake beats the lion.” You sent a wink to Iwaizumi, knowing full well how it would provoke him. 

“Fuck off.” Iwaizumi shoved your hand off of his shoulder.

“Go receive your praise at the Slytherin table.” Oikawa shooed, fork in hand. “You won’t find it here.”

“Sore losers.” You mocked just for fun. You stood straight. “I imagine that I would be the same, given it were the other way.”

You basically skipped back to your table for breakfast.

You were absolutely elated for the rest of the day. It was quite similar to being on cloud 9, winning your first game of the year against your rivals. The look on Hajime Iwaizumi’s face only added to the feeling.

You were walking down the hall, talking to a fellow Slytherin girl who had her arm wrapped in yours. She was going on and on about how she wished she could have imprinted Kageyama’s snitch catch to her memory.

That was when your shoulder collided directly into a firm body.

Your arm was ripped away from your classmates, along with your bag that fell onto the hard ground with a loud thud and wisp of parchment and ink. Everything in your bag now scattered the ground, covered in the dark ink and dirt. 

Your mood was too high to get too angry. It was an accident; you would bite your tongue and clean up the mess.

Until you realized just who’s shoulder you ran into: Hajime Iwaizumi. Your greatest enemy and now destruction of your contents.

“Watch where you’re going next time, Hajime.” You grunted, kneeling to save some of your parchment before the ink could reach it. 

“Perhaps if you had your head out of your ass, you wouldn’t have run into me.” Iwaizumi responded. He had turned to face you midway through your fall.

“As if you didn’t feel this way a week ago.” You told him, standing up. Nearly everything that was in your bag was soaked, including the bag itself. You inhaled deeply. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Now, why would I run my shoulder into you on purpose hoping to ruin your mood?” He asked. “You must be very arrogant to think that everything must be about you.”

You clenched your jaw and closed your eyes. “I will not let a piece of shit such as yourself bring my mood down today. Today is a good day.”

You knelt once again to find your essay that you had written for Snape, searching your documents. Only to find it one of the few that were directly under the ink, completely doused in black.

“Actually, fuck you.” You lifted the paper. Ink dripped off and onto the ground. “Do you know how long I worked on this?”

“I don’t know, a couple of minutes?” Iwaizumi shrugged. “You aren’t exactly the best at your schoolwork.”

“You wish you knew me well, but you don’t at all.” You felt anger boil in your chest. “I worked very hard on this essay. Days, even. And you destroyed it in less than five seconds..”

“There’s the Slytherin in you.” He let out a humorless laugh. “You think everything has to be about you, and if it doesn’t than someone is out to get you. Your ego is so fucking enormous that you can’t even muster the idea that maybe something isn’t about you. You didn’t even win, Tobio won the game for you. God, why don’t you go make a friend instead of standing here arguing with me about an accident?”

And then, “You really are a raging bitch, aren’t you?”

The girl that you were talking to had wide eyes, and you were sure that she was ready to fight. A couple of bystanders that were once just listeners started to mumble. And you.... you couldn’t fathom words.

Your feud with him had grown deep, but it had never gone as far as that. In front of a crowd, no less. 

It was one thing to make comments, to be bitter and roll your eyes at each other’s presence. It was one thing to bicker, to fight, to joke to friends about the other’s incompetence and purposely pull on each other’s strings.

It was something else completely to call you a bitch in front of everyone in the middle of a hallway after a thread of insults.

You fake smiled, feeling unwanted tears threaten their way to your eyes. You would not allow yourself the angry tears; they would only make you angrier. 

“You’re more than just an asshole, Hajime Iwaizumi.” You told him. Because you truly didn’t have any words.

“Calling a woman a bitch is the worst insult. Those are fighting words.” Oikawa’s older sister used to say. “It’s comparable to calling a man a pussy.”

Hajime Iwaizumi didn’t think much while he spoke. He just said the things as they came, especially when he didn’t really care much about what you thought of him.

But, calling you a bitch... that felt as if it were crossing a line that he didn’t have the authority to cross. And the look on your face after he said it was one that he had never witnessed on you.

At practice, his head still held the image of you. 

He was confused. Why did he regret calling you a name? It wasn’t as if the two of you don’t argue in front of people all of the time. In fact, it was nearly a common occurrence. 

For some ungodly reason, he felt a tug at his chest. 

“Maybe you should apologize?” Oikawa suggested.

“Why would I apologize to her?”

“Because I think you went a little bit too far.” He told his best friend as truthfully as possible. “Because as much as I think the rivalry between you two is fun, she’s still just a girl. And because my sister said you should.”

“You wrote your sister?”

“Yeah, of course I did.”

For several days, Hajime Iwaizumi hadn’t seen you. You didn’t eat in the Great Hall, you didn’t come to the classes he had with you, you didn’t go to Hogsmeade like you usually did on weekends.

So, he came to your practice.

He was hoping to apologize. It was something he had never done to you before, and he had practiced it quite a few times. Just a small, “I’m sorry for calling you a bitch in front of everyone.”

Yes. That should be fine and the two of you could go back to the regularly scheduled loathing.

But the second he stepped onto the field, the two beaters stood in front of him. 

“I wouldn’t.” Atsumu said, holding his broom. “She’s been in a mood.”

“I know, I’m the reason for that.” Iwaizumi said. “I just want to talk to her. Just a second.”

“I wouldn’t.” Osamu repeated. “Whatever you have to say, it’s gonna have to wait.”

Iwaizumi nodded, looking at the twins. He was going to ask them to tell you that he had been there, ask them to ask you to meet him somewhere or something so he can get the stupid apology off of his chest, when you appeared behind them.

“Get off of my field, Hajime Iwaizumi.” You said. You had been at practice for the past two hours (according to the sign ups), yet your voice was even and you hadn’t even broken a sweat. In fact, your voice spit toxin in his direction.

“I just wanted to...”

You had taken off before he could even say his second word. The twins followed right after.

Tooru Oikawa took a place beside you. It would have been normal, if it were not for your avid avoidance of anyone with a Gryffindor robe on.

“Hello, Tooru.” You said without sparing him a glance.

The thing was, you weren’t angry with him. You didn’t hate Oikawa, you hated his closest friend. And by association, you didn’t want to talk to him just as much. Oikawa had always been the middle ground between the doom and gloom that was the dark haired man you hated.

“I think you should talk to Iwa.” Oikawa said. Plain and simple, to the point.

“I think you should mind your business.” You retorted. “I never talked to him to begin with, what’s different now?”

“Because now is different.” He grabbed his book as the professor walked in. “Now, you won’t even say your smart ass remarks or tell him how fucked up his hair looks. Now is just... boring and sad.”

“So you want me to talk to the guy I hate in order for you to not be bored?” You scoffed and collected your things. “Truly, you are his best friend.”

You left just as the professor started talking, receiving a few stares in the process. It wasn’t as if you weren’t used to that.

You were walking with Tsukishima, laughing at your attempts to get him to smile. Your team had really taken your mind and restored your confidence. You figured, as long as you didn’t see the man you hate then he simply didn’t exist. It was that easy.

Until you accidentally caught his eye across the street. 

It had been snowing, so most of the students were in their winter gear and warm clothes. You yourself had a hat and scarf on, gloves to cover your hands despite the hot to-go mug of cocoa in them. 

Hogsmeade was quite busy with everyone getting last minute holiday gifts and hurrying to hang out before break. Yet, somehow, your eyes found the brown of Iwaizumi’s.

You turned around, forcing Tsukishima to follow. The younger boy didn’t even have to ask about your change in demeanor, easily falling into pace beside you. 

You felt a hand on your wrist, and heard your name being called. “Hey. Can I talk to you? I’ve been trying to apologize...”

You stopped dead in your tracks, as if you were pulled on a leash. As if his bare hand touching your empty gloved one had scolded you. Iwaizumi stood before you, red cheeks from either the cold or from rushing after you. Either way, you wanted nothing to do with it. 

He had spun you in his grasp, his jaw tight and eyes searching yours before falling to his hand around yours. His grip on your wrist was tight, and he swallowed as his eyes found yours again.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” You snatched your arm away. “Have you ever considered that? I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to see you, and I don’t want to hear your half-ass apology!”

“I have been trying to talk to you.” He said. “I...” His eyes scanned yours. His tongue rolled in his mouth. “You mean to tell me that you don’t want my apologies?”

“You’ve made it very clear what you think of me, so I hope that I can make this very clear for you,” You took a deep breath. “I hate you. I don’t like you, I have never liked you, and I hope that whatever it is that is eating you up inside continues to do so.”

Hajime Iwaizumi’s eye twitched. He started to take a step towards you, but decided against it, falling back into the same step. “I don’t...” His voice was nothing as you had ever heard it. “You...” His eyes clouded with the emotions you were familiar with. “Fine.”

“Fine.”

It was a sudden realization. It was not something you had even considered before, not something planned or reasoned. It was much like a tsunami, a build up of unrelated activity that brought something else entirely.

Emotions were unfortunate things. If you feel extreme emotions for someone, no matter what... they are still very strong feelings.

Hate to love, what a strange concept.

You held the potion below your nose, inhaling the scent. 

“What does it smell like?” Snape asked.

“It smells like... bergamot.” You distinguished the varying smells. “Apple. And... lavender?”

You stepped back and hoped no one could see you connecting the dots through your eyes.

Tooru Oikawa was an observant person. He was known to be the person who knew the best for his team, easily finding the perfect techniques for each on the field and as encouragement. He was one for connections and relationships.

Which is why he knew that you were masking feelings of something else with this burning hatred. Which is why he knew why you felt so bad after Iwa called you a terrible name in front of an audience. Which is why he knew who it was when you listed your amortentia scents.

He tried to send you a look from his seat across from you, classes later. He wanted to tell you that he knew; that he knew there was something more to what’s going on, and that something was Iwaizumi.

You just sent him a middle finger, knowing full well what he was getting at.

Your feelings didn’t just suddenly arrive. And you were full of confusion, disorientation, and most of all... anger.

For as long as you could remember, Hajime Iwaizumi was supposed to be your arch enemy. He was your nemesis on a daily basis. He was the reason for your annoyance. He was the reason for your hatred for the colors red and gold. He was the reason you became the quidditch captain. He was the reason for the breath leaving your lungs.

And he was the reason for the breath entering.

You were pissed. You were pissed that you had unrealized feelings for the man you were supposed to hate, have hated for years. You were pissed that your love had been in a game of chess, where the only outcome is to win or forfeit. You were pissed that the entire time you had spent a vast majority of your time hating, loathing, rolling your eyes at... the entire time you had a reserved space for hate, when it should have been quite the opposite.

The luck must have been exclusively for someone else, because it seemed as though whoever created you had decided to have a fun game.

You had punched Hajime Iwaizumi once. 

It was something you thought of a lot, and it was the main reason Iwaizumi chose not to test you too closely to that day. 

He was rolling his eyes at something Oikawa was saying when you walked by. You were heading to your quidditch practice, the captain not one for latecomers. And he caught sight of you. He quickly jumped from his spot and stopped you from passing.

“Out of the way, Hajime, I have practice.”

“Oh, right, because you’re on the quidditch team now.”

“I am, thank you very much.” It was the beginning of third year, and you were not only annoyed but you were also a Growing Person going through puberty. You did not have time to deal with a teenage boy pissing you off. “You forget that not everyone got on the team their first year of trying out.”

“Because we’re better than the entire Slytherin team.”

“Talk to me when you win a house cup.” You tried to push past him, but he stood directly in front of you in one step. “Move, or be moved.”

“What are you going to do? Punch me?”

So, you did. Your fist collided with his cheek before you could even register that it had happened. Oikawa gasped out loud, it quickly turning into a laugh. 

“She punched you!” Oikawa laughed, grasping at his sides. “Ah man!”

While Iwaizumi touched his cheek to check that— ah yes, you really did punch him— you were already walking away to the practice field.

Iwaizumi missed you, if he were being fully and completely honest with himself.

He found himself searching for you in classes or in common areas, prepared for your snide remarks and bitter taunts. He found himself waiting for you to roll your eyes at his presence; looking for you to quip about the next quidditch game.

But when none of it came, he felt out of place.

He actually missed your annoyed banter. He missed you shoving your middle finger in his direction. He missed the redness on your cheeks when you would try to calm yourself down. He missed the silence that would escape you if he entered a room and you were anything other than angry.

He missed catching you smiling at someone and watching your face change. He missed the arguments in class. He missed the little comments during eating.

Confused, he pushed those feelings down as he watched you eat with some Ravenclaws and a Hufflepuff that he had never talked to before.

It had been several weeks of silence from your end. You had thrown yourself back into quidditch before the break, happy to have a distraction from whatever the fuck you were feeling. You weren’t going home for the holidays, so you spent some time planning for the spring and classes.

You found yourself outside, sitting in the snow and writing a make up essay for Snape. You had found a nice spot under a roofed area, so nothing smudged your writing (or, you know, covered it completely). 

“Oh.” A voice said from above you.

You looked up to find Iwaizumi, hands in pockets and staring at you as if you had never existed and he was discovering you for the first time.

“I wasn’t expecting to find anyone here.” He said. 

“Yeah, obviously neither was I.” You started to put your things away.

“No... no comment?”

“Hm?”

“No... snarky comment? No you look terrible to me?”

You shook your head. Mainly because you didn’t have the energy. You were content, bored, and just overall exhausted. You had exhausted yourself in thinking of every possible outcome to your love for the man in front of you, none of which made any sense.

None of it made any sense.

It was as if one moment, you were standing on ground. And the next, you were swept away by a giant wave that you thought was only an earthquake. You hated love. 

“Then, can I finally say what I have been meaning to?”

“No.” You finally got the last of your things into your bag. 

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why can’t you just hear me out?” He stood in front of you, hoping to stall your leaving. “I’ve been trying to tell you that I shouldn’t have called you a bitch, and I should have...”

“And I don’t want to hear it.”

You started to leave, but he jogged to jump in front of you again. Through the years, he had gained height compared to you. You weren’t necessarily kids anymore, you weren’t at eye level to just punch him in his cheek without reaching for it. 

“God, you’re fucking annoying.” You shifted your bag on your shoulders. “You want me to call you a name so it can be even? You want me to tell you that everything is fine and we can go back to our constant fighting? What do you fucking want from me?”

“What do I want from you?” He asked, voice rising to match yours. “What do you want from me? I’ve been trying to get your attention for over a fucking month and you have given me every reason to just stop.”

“Then why don’t you!” You dropped your hands. “Why don’t you just leave me the fuck alone?”

“Why?”

“Why what, Hajime?”

“Why?” Iwaizumi let out a small breath, the grey cloud leaving his lungs. “Why won’t you just let me talk to you for five minutes?”

“Because I don’t want to! Because I don’t want to hear you make up excuses. Because I cannot listen to your voice for too long.”

Before you could stop yourself, before you could recognize your own voice, before any thoughts arrived, you said, “Because for some fucked up god awful reason, I’m in love with you!”

Everything froze all at once. The oxygen left your lungs, the snow stopped falling, and everything became so unbearably silent.

You stared at him, regret drenching you in an instant as if the tides of the ocean had rose and fell in one single motion. You couldn’t breathe, your heart seized in your chest and against your ribs. You couldn’t bring yourself to look into his face, fearing to find yourself lost and never found.

He let out a single breath. And you held yours.

fin.

[amysubmits]

“Just Knowing” & Communication

I got an ask recently asking if I could write something about how doms seem to sometimes “instinctively know” things about their sub, and how communication plays into that. 

I thought it was a great point, and I had an experience that I’d been wanting to share in some way, that I thought would work well within that concept. Anyway, here goes...

I have shared experiences where CD reads my needs seamlessly. Those moments can feel almost magical and that makes me want to share them. I have occasionally heard from people who seem to think CD is nearly capable of reading my mind, as a result of posts like that. It’s not my intention to give that impression. 

There are occasional moments where I am shocked at how he knows things I didn’t say. I’ve also shared that sometimes those moments where he perfectly meets my needs are often the moments where I feel the most owned. That’s because him knowing and meeting my needs feels so intensely intimate, and so much of our D/s comes down to emotional intimacy.

He isn’t a mind reader, though. We have been together over a decade now, and he’s observant. I think that deserves a big mention, when discussing how he ‘just knows’ things about me. He notices my body language, and how I react to things. He learns a lot about me by simply paying close attention. This is really important to me. Him naturally watching me, noticing my mood and such, is a big way that he makes me feel loved. I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t naturally drawn to try to learn me, and pay close attention to me. Just him being someone who pays attention is a huge part of how I feel loved. It shows me that he wants to know as much as he can about me, and that he wants to meet my needs. More than that, his desire to want to learn my needs period, matters. There are some people who just don’t wish to get that deep with their partner, they don’t care to know their partner like the back of their had. That would be a problem, for me, because I do want that level of intimacy. Part of how I knew that CD had that desire for deeper intimacy, was how he tried to learn what he could by observing me. 

At the same time, being mindful of your loved one’s body language, facial expressions and behaviors only goes so far. You can’t observe your way into knowing exactly what someone wants or needs. You just can’t. Certain things just have to be explicitly stated. While a good portion of our emotional intimacy comes from paying close attention to each other, more of it comes from our communication.

The truth is, there have been times where I’ve been frustrated that CD didn’t catch something. I’ve occasionally had the emotional reaction of almost feeling neglected because he didn’t notice something about me. And that? Is not a healthy reaction for me to have. That reaction is something I have to try to be conscious of, and I can’t allow myself to run away with those feelings. I have to recognize them and fight back against them. Because I can’t expect him to read my mind, or to pick up on everything, to ‘just know’ everything, or anything, really. If he isn’t aware of something, it is my responsibility to communicate. 

We were new to D/s in particular, we talked about our needs and wants all the time, often daily. Getting started with D/s requires really thorough communication so that you know the boundaries and limits of the dynamic, and so that you know what is expected of each of you. Even though we tried to hammer out our dynamic in advance, we found ourselves experiencing scenarios that we weren’t sure how they ‘should’ be handled with our D/s, because we couldn’t pre-plan our D/s for how to go about every possible scenario that life may throw at us. So whenever we experienced something new and didn’t know how to handle it, we’d have to discuss how we wanted to handle it. Or in there cases we’d handle a situation and then realize we wished it had been handled differently, and we’d discuss that and plan to do differently next time. 

After a while (many months?) it got to where we had the basics down and we didn’t need to talk about things as often anymore. We didn’t have to discuss it multiple times a week anymore, but perhaps a couple times a month was sufficient. Still, the frequency ebbs and flows. We go through phases, even now, 6 years in, of discussing our D/s more or less often. It mainly depends on whether we’re facing new things in life or making changes to our rules or the rest of our dynamic, or whether life is normal and our dynamic is unchanged. If we make changes, that means we’ll communicate about our D/s more often for a while, usually. Tons of what we know about each other and our needs are things we’ve learned through all that communication. Way more than we’ve learned by just observing each other. 

Our “meta-talks” (discussions about our D/s) are perhaps one of the areas that I don’t give enough attention to on this blog. They’re often very private feeling, so it’s hard to feel comfortable sharing much about them. 

A couple of months ago after a meta-talk, we came to the conclusion that it would be helpful for us to focus on making sure I feel very seen. It wasn’t that I had stopped feeling seen...but more that our current life circumstances were making me need to feel more seen than usual. Anyway, CD had me make him a list of things that made me feel seen, to share with him.

The things I shared on that list were all things he had done “naturally” before. So it was more about sharing with him what things he does that make me feel particularly seen. Still, I did over-think it, a little bit. I wondered if it would feel different for him to do these things for me after I shared them with him, rather than doing them purely instinctually, like he had in the past. Would it feel less genuine? Would I be able to absorb it and really effectively feel see if I suspected he was doing this for the purpose of making me feel seen? 

Early on, I did feel a bit bashful or self-conscious when I noticed him doing those things a little bit more often. I felt a bit insecure like “Oh, he just thinks he has to do that because I need to feel more seen.” and for some reason that cheapened it a little in my mind, and also made me feel a bit selfish or something. Worrying about being a burden on people is a deep seeded insecurity of mine that comes in up all sorts of ways. So it’s not surprising that my brain tried to twist this into ‘he just feels obligated to’. Even early on when I was feeling those insecurities, I was feeling seen, at the same time.  As more time went on though, those insecurities softened and I was able to recognize that these things were feeling fulfilling to him, too, which further eased my insecurities. 

This is just one example of how our direct communication has benefitted our D/s. When this type of thing occurs over the course of many years, I hope you can imagine how that can assist with creating those “he just knows” moments. 

I think a lot of good relationships have similar experiences with hesitating to share exactly what you want from your partner. The love is there, the good intent is there, but unless you tell your partner exactly what makes you feel the best...you can’t magically expect them to know. Yet many of us have this instinct that “I can’t tell them exactly how I’d like them to treat me, or it won’t be as ‘real’”. 

I think D/s often complicates this issue even farther. Subs hesitate to ask for ‘too much’ because they don’t want to be too needy, or to feel like they’re taking charge or telling their doms what to do. Which I think is a valid concern. In my view, the answer to that potential problem isn’t to avoid sharing what make you feel good. Instead, it’s just to be mindful of the way that you are communicating, so that you are sharing the knowledge of your needs or desires without telling them what to do. 

Communicating in great detail is a huge part of how we find the intimacy that we’re after with D/s. Understanding in detail what makes each other feel dominant and submissive does SO much to assist us with keeping our D/s on track, and to keep each other feeling loved and cared for. These deep, difficult, detailed discussions are also helpful to our D/s because they make me realize how safe our relationship is. That sense of security allows me to let go and be more submissive. 

As I said earlier, I understand that instinct that if you tell someone exactly what you want, and then they do it, your initial instinct may be to feel like it’s less meaningful when they do it. Like asking for it somehow ‘cheapened’ it. 

I think that is a largely misguided instinct, though. I think that if you tell someone what feels good to you, and they do it just to placate you or please you? You can tell they’re just phoning it in. And if you tell them what makes you feel good, and they do it because they enjoy making you feel good? You’ll feel that too. 

It’s similar to how starting D/s worked for us. When I first asked for it, I worried it would be something he did just for me. But once he found meaning in it himself? I could tell that our D/s was fulfilling for him, that it was giving him joy, and that he was really feeling the connection with me through this dynamic. It was just easy to see that he was really ‘feeling it’. A similar thing can happen with "smaller” things such as specific acts of love, care or service. 

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

two at a time.

PART 1.

© @sonsofeorl

EZ REYES x female!reader x BISHOP LOSA.

MAYANS MC ┃ USEFUL LINKS

❝ words: about 2k.

❝ warnings: nsfw, threesome, dirty as fuck, oral sex (male receiving), unprotected sex, double penetration, language, swearing, praise kink, slight degradation, mention of bodily fluids and i dont know what else.

❝ a / n: i'm not sorry for this. i started this shot a couple of months ago and forget about it. thanks to my lovely wife @mayans-sauce for throwing more gasoline to my fire. it has no plot and maybe it's poor in details, but i didn't want to make it longer than it is already. as always, don’t forget to comment and reblog if you liked it!

“I don' know what you heard, but you're wrong. And I'm not gonna do it”.

Outside, you look pretty calm, but inside you're freaking out. EZ is sitting over the table of the trailer, while Bishop is some steps away from you, resting his back against the fridge.

“Listen, this is not like… you are cheating me, baby. You dreamed about it, and I wanna please you. That's all”. Your boyfriend says, with both hands placed on the lapels of his kutte.

“Com'ere, querida”.

Bishop offers you a hand. You look at it with curiosity, before traveling your gaze again to the younger man putting down off the table. Gulping and licking your incisors, you take his hand, and before you can be aware of what they're thinking in you find yourself between both. El Presidente kisses you slowly, enjoying it, taking his time; while EZ bites your neck with his fingers clung to your hips. You can feel how hard they are, not noticing it before because you were too busy fighting against your desires.

Bishop moves his hands to your breasts, squeezing them while keeping his lustful eyes on yours, watching you silently moan. This feels much better than in your dreams —much better than you could imagine. While the older one takes care of your nipples, EZ rolls down your panties through your thighs, before removing the other piece of clothing to leave you exposed for their own pleasure.

“Sweetheart… you're a fucking goddess”. Bishop praises you using that charming smile he has to make your legs tremble. “Tell us what you need. Use that beautiful mouth of yours”.

“I wa— wan—”.

“Tell us what you need”. Your boyfriend grunts keen, gripping one of his huge hands on your throat from behind, pressing you among their bodies.

“I need you to… fuck me”. You whine starting to lose your mind when EZ urges you to open your legs for them. “At… At once”.

Their husky laughs burn your cheeks in shame.

“You heard that, prospect? This little filthy whore wants our dicks at the same time”.

“You think you can take us both?” There's no doubt in his voice, kissing the sweet spot under your ear while taking your right hand and bringing it to the rock under Bishop's rough dark jeans. “You want his dick in your sweet tight pussy, baby girl? Ask him”.

God, if they continue talking to you like that you're going to cum without needing to be pounded. You can't help but stroke his hard bulge watching immediately the struggles you are causing him to breathe.

“Can I… first blow your cock, Presidente?” You inquire with a honeyed low tone of voice, starting to lose your shame.

“We don't have time for games now, querida. So, show me what you have for me”. He denies, demanding what he has been craving since he put a step inside the trailer.

You swallow touring down his abdomen to the belt, undoing it with trembling fingers because of your nervousness, hearing EZ behind you maneuver and dealing with his own clothes. You can't believe he has been given a threesome, to let another man fucks you only to make your fantasies come true.

“You go first, brother”. Bishop utters, referring to the need of your wetness as natural lube.

El Presidente snakes an arm between your legs to raise it and find a comfortable posture and more space for your boyfriend to slam his dick inside your cunt. You scream out, having to put your hands on the older's shoulders to find balance. EZ growls into your ear as he keeps eye contact with his boss, just like you're trying to do, overwhelmed by the pleasure. He flexes down his knees, not enough to pull his cock out of you, to thrust you with all his strengths again.

“Oh, fuck”. You cry inevitably.

“My prospect makes you feel good, ah?”

“Yes… Yes, Presidente. He fucks me so good”. You nod with your head as you can, complaining this time when you feel empty.

“Now it's my turn”.

His voice is rougher, throatily, giving you goosebumps all around. Bishop uses his free hand to guide his hard length to your folds, stroking his mushroom head to collect your arousal before taking a step forward. Unlike your boyfriend, he wants to feel you adjusting to his dick, pushing it inside your soaked pussy slowly. He can't help but wail with parted lips noticing how tight and warm she is.

“Speak to us, mi reina”. EZ murmurs, as he continues pumping himself and spreading your juices from his glans to his base.

“Baby… Baby, he's so thick”. You gasp closing your eyes and resting your head against your boyfriend's shoulder. “Fuck… please, put your dick inside me too… I need you”.

Before you can react, the two men work together to spread your buttocks so he can fulfill your request made between cried begs. Hearing him spit in his fingers, your boyfriend brings them to your tightest hole, sliding them in slowly —tortuously slow. He has to prepare you even if it's not your first rodeo, and you know it. EZ fingers your ass, feeling a slight pain that Bishop erases from your mind by occupying it with a filthy kiss. The older devours your lips, drinks your moans, dominates your tongue, and tastes your saliva. All in the same dirty gesture that pushes you over limits.

And it doesn't take your boyfriend even a second to pull out his fingers and start to bury his cock in your ass. Your eyes become crystal when you feel filled than ever in your life. They both let you some seconds to fit your walls, clenching around their lengths reaching your guts.

“Fuck”. You sob against Bishop's lips, suffocated by EZ's hand again around your throat. “Ple— Please… Please… move”.

That's the kick-off for the Mayans. And you don't need to be the smartest person in the world to know they're not going to have any mercy. They are going to ruin you.

El Presidente and his prospect pound your holes at sync. Hurry, hard, desperate. They're like two lions in heat marking their territory and competing to earn your moans crying their names. You can't even form a proper sentence, being a mess of whinings and whimpers. It doesn't hurt as you thought, quite the opposite, even if the posture isn't your favorite. You'd give your life right now to ride them at the same time, thanking them for fucking you till making you pass out.

“Such a good girl…” Bishop praises you licking your lips with the tip of his tongue, as his pace becomes rashly.

“Taking our dicks… Taking us so fucking good, mi amor”. EZ has his head tossed back and his hands nailed on your hips, digging his whole length in your ass, while his boss continues pounding forcefully your cunt.

Your mind is blank, your eyes are rolled to the back of your head, forgetting for a moment where you are and what's happening. They both feel so good inside you that you can't even breathe. Your boyfriend paws your abdomen straight to your breasts to squeeze them and pull your nipples, offering them to Bishop to bite them. And he does it, not doubting. His teeth take one at a time, enough to leave some marks there as you tilt your face to the younger looking for his lips. He kisses them hungry for you, tucking his tongue inside your mouth to invade it completely.

The thrusts don't decline on pace, still being quick and strong, hitting your g-spot any time Bishop forces you down when he goes inside your cunt.

“Fuck, preciosa… who could say you're so naughty with that… innocent look, ah?” The older growls against your exposed neck for him and his desire to leave more marks on your skin, so you don't forget that they have fucked you because you're such a needed hoe for them.

“You've no idea, Prez”. EZ babbles, tucking two fingers between your lips to show him how good you are using your tongue, twirling it around them maintaining the older's dark gaze with yours.

And you are ashamed because of the fact that you can't last longer than usual, being too much for you to have them both balls-deep in your little holes. You're going to come in any moment and they know by your lack of air and the way your legs start to tremble like a pudding in the middle of an earthquake.

“Don't you fucking dare to cum without asking for permission”. EZ demands you, tangling a hand on your hair to push your head a little more back and nail his dark furious orbs on yours.

You cry just at the thought of not being capable of talking, while he forces you to face his boss, expecting your words impatiently.

“Please, Presidente… lemme cum… I ne— I need to cum… please”.

You're literally crying, trying to hold back your orgasm as much as you can.

“Not this time”. He just replies. And he has spoken.

You can't believe he's not going to let you cum, complaining with grunts when he pulls his dick out of you, just like your boyfriend does. You can't believe EZ is going to deny you too what you need the most.

“Put on your knees. Right now”.

You obey in silence, cleaning your tears as you go down watching both men placing themselves in front of you. Bishop's dick is thicker than your boyfriend's and somewhat longer. But the veins popping up in EZ's dick are much better when he twitches inside you, or when you suck his soul out of his body. You love that texture in your mouth.

“Stick your tongue”. The younger orders, gripping his length to jerk off himself imitating his boss who hasn't waited to do it.

And you obey, hoping they will make you cum after they do like a reward for being a good girl to them. With it showing, Bishop and EZ speed up the moves of his wrist, pumping both cocks resting on the tip of your tongue. Their vocals become louder filling the trailer and not caring if someone can hear them, sitting on your heels.

Your boyfriend is the first on spilling his warm ropes straight to your mouth, making Bishop say something about a bet in a whisper that you can't really listen to —understanding the meaning seeing EZ take a step back to give his boss more space. El Presidente places both hands on your head, urging you to swallow the cum down your throat to suck his dick. And you do it delighted, being craving it since some minutes ago when he denied it to you.

Anxious, you close your lips around his length tasting your own juices there and you bob your head as if your life depended on it, placing your hands on his lower back and your eyes on EZ's. He doesn't seem bothered or disappointed, he seems more like glad watching you blowing Bishop's cock like the sweetest lollipop you have ever taken. And the older can't hold it anymore forcing your throat and filling your mouth completely, as he presses your nose to his pelvis causing you to choke on his delicious cum —gagging and coughing.

“Fuck my life, (Y/N)!” He yells in a howl, making you look at him with your orbs covered in tears because of the effort, watching how his seed falls through the curves of your abused lips straight to your breathless chest. “Take it… Take it a little more, niña…”

Trying to bring some air to your lungs through your nostrils, he has to loosen his tight, strong grip on your hair when you can't continue. Your coughs rip off your throat, cleaning your mouth with your fingers before sucking them clean under their attentive pleased gazes.

Bishop helps you to stand up on your still shaky legs, leaning on your ear and snaking a hand between them and caress your heated core. “I will come back tonight. Put you on four. Fuck that sweet little pussy while the prospect looks. And I'm gonna make you cum harder than he has ever done. You hear me?”

GENERAL TAG LIST: @mayans-sauce @peoniarose @destynelseclipsa @band-psycho @myakai13 @petlaufeyson @-im-fantastic- @horsesandwolvesaremyanimals @rocketqueen @rosieposie0624 @ellyseveronica @Jessprins13 @diaryofkali @ravenmoore14 @starrynite7114 @kenbechillin @miahelen @monkeyluver4546 @sheeshgivemeabreak @jadesamhart @rawrlittlepanda-95 @megapeacelovemusic-blog @katsav17 @skits90s @wildsould1221 @littlekittymeow

MAYANS MC: @multiyfandomgirl40 @countryash345 @skyofficialxx @lovebennycolonmiguelgalindo @bellisperennis0 @chibsytelford @trulysuccubus @purrrrfect @witching-hour @leathercladmenfics @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @queenbeered @sesamepancakes @gemini0410 @pinguinstudiert @oscars-wifeyyy @meteora-fc @lozaa94 @arveeee @joupym @hanster1998 @missswritings @arana-alpha @lucillewinchester @theocatkov @telfordlowman @fanofalltheficsx

[montystarotchild]

💥2021 Predictions for the Zodiac💥

Sun, Moon, Venus, Rising

These readings were originally handwritten and channeled with care. I hope that it resonates and eases us into the dynamic energy of all that 2021 holds for us! If you feel called to, hold onto this post as a reference throughout 2021.

Oh and Happy Full Moon in Cancer! 🌕

Aries (Tiger’s Eye, 444)

2021 will be a deep dive for you emotionally. This is the year you tap into your intuition on purpose. This year has proven that sometimes things just don’t make sense to us. We have been challenged in 2020 to keep moving forward into the unknown. It makes no sense to stop now. A main lesson in 2021 will be to surrender to the workings of the Universe and allow passion to drive you forward instead of doubt. This is an opportunity to expand your consciousness and to reawaken your spirit. 2021 will be a chance for you to tap into your true passions. For some, this may be another year of limited connection to others and I’m seeing that this might not be a problem for you. You are going to be so enthralled with learning more about the subconscious, specifically your own, and how the mind works. I’m also seeing a curiousity around hidden things i.e. solving mysteries/puzzles. This will be the time for you to pursue what is calling to your intuition. It may be to learn a different language or to learn more about language in general. There may be a major shift or many shifts in your perspective in 2021. With this deep introspection and thirst for more out of life, you may look different to others. Just a reminder, it is not selfish or “abandonment” of others when we are healing ourself. There are ways to put your passions first and still be present in your life and current relationships. Balance looks different for everyone. The most important part is that one aspect of your life doesn’t receive more attention than the others. The key is flow. How will you find your flow in the New Year? With Jupiter and Saturn in Aquarius, this is your time to break away from what everyone else is doing. Going along with what society is doing or telling you to do won’t cut it this year. You’ll find that you much rather hang upside down, you’ll like the view from there much more.

Taurus (Aquamarine, 444, 666, 888)

Isn’t it ironic that Taurus rules the throat and you have the ‘Authentic Voice’ as the theme of your 2021? You are reawakening your throat chakras Taurus! This may be huge for many of you. You may have had difficulties in the past or even this year with communicating affectively. It could have seemed that often your words were not taken into consideration because others couldn’t make sense of them. There is no blame to either party. Language is tough. If we aren’t speaking authentically it makes it harder for others to truly understand our needs. 2021 is bringing in more clarity to your thoughts. This will be the year to see things as they really are for everyone but specifically for you to speak on it as well. Every voice and story is different which is the concept of authenticity. You are good enough exactly as you are beautiful Taurus and it’s time to stand in that energy. All that you admire in others, it is time to admire within yourself. “There is no choir if there is only one sound, one voice.” You will be receiving recognition next year. It could be as specific as getting that voice over role you took a leap of faith on or speaking up more in your personal life in general. Those around you will be recognizing the reemergence of your powerful and authentic voice. There will also be others who flock to what you have to say and have never even met you. Many of you may want to share life experiences and knowledge through podcasts or something like Clubhouse that focuses strictly on voice. 2021 will be the gift of unique thoughts and ideas, the proper communication to express these ideas and recognition from a supportive community. When channeling your authentic voice remember that these are the messages that the Divine has sent through you with love.

Gemini

Your spirit is growing young Gemini! Many of you spent 2020 working on your light and soul and that has played a huge part in your spiritual energy leveling up. This is where you create great impact through whatever you expel this energy through. Aside from the things you create, your energy alone will be affecting others in 2021. Some of you may have been keeping your energy to yourself in order to heal and in 2021 you will be stepping more out of Hermit mode. Even though Hermit mode will also be a saving grace as well. In 2021 you will be receiving an increase of downloads from Spirit. A huge lesson/experience that may come up for you is delivering a softer message to others. As a Gemini Sun myself, I have pure intentions to always hold truth at the highest standard but that has sometimes hurt others in the process. In 2021, as you are growing in your power, Spirit is helping with the intensity of your light. You will be helping others who are still energetically sensitive to authentic power and authority. That doesn’t mean to hold back your light or hinder your own growth, it just means if they didn’t ask you for that word of advice, don’t tell it. Those who are seeking a deeper truth will seek you out first! Happy expanding!

Cancer

This is a really interesting reading Cancerians. In 2021 you are being asked to make a sacrifice in order to gain a greater fulfillment. I see that in 2020 we did all we could to still feel good in such a crazy year. That required that we find a lot of balance between our wants and needs. You may have experienced a burst of creativity recently or have been wanting to hone a skill that has been lying dormant. Although it feels like you can absorb as much information about this passion as possible you are being asked to pause in the New Year. Many people may see the Hanged Man in the tarot deck as stuck but this is where he gains a whole new perspective. If we ran head first with every single thing we were passionate about in that moment without even asking “what do I want?” we could end up on a very different path than we are meant to be on. If you find yourself constantly trying in 2021, it may be best if you surrender your wants to the Universe and embrace new solutions to your needs. Even though this may be a very uncomfortable state you find yourself in you must constantly remind yourself that Spirit will never offer you less than what is a part of your true destiny. You are safe!

Leo

In 2021 I see that you will be reaching a crossroad in your life. You are being granted the opportunity to leave the past in the past and embark on the rest of your journey. The significance of this crossroad is it’s acting as a checkpoint within your journey to ensure that you are no longer carrying that extra baggage with you. This is not a transition that you need to fear. We tend to carry things with us so long that we are convinced it truly belongs to us but that is rarely the case. The familiarities of life have become boundaries. This may have really worked for you this year as many have used this time for healing. While familiarity can be beneficial it doesn’t create security. In 2021 this may be a huge and constant lesson for your understanding. Even though things may change drastically (like moving in a completely different direction) you must realize that your true security comes from the Universe and it sees your pure intentions. Many of you may know what decision it is that you are being asked to make and it scares you. It is essential that you allow your heart to lead you so that your mind can’t create doubt and keep you stuck. Life is always evolving, there will always be another crossroad to cross. As long as you move with love and integrity there is nothing to fear of the future.

Virgo

In 2021 you are getting a full view of your emotional self. This may be something you have rejected strongly in the past in order to put more focus into your financial self. This aversion to our soul mirror has been out of fear of what we may find. No one really wants to look within and find out they are somewhat of a hoarder or place value over personality. This year we are focusing less on what we have and more on who we are and the aspects of ourselves that we are constantly juggling. This year you are being asked to bear witness to what you feel. You will constantly find a safe space in solitude with Spirit in order to face yourself fully. When you allow a new depth of truth into your life, foundations may feel challenged and insecurities around a lack mindset might be exposed. How do you welcome vulnerability in your life? When someone is vulnerable it is not a weakness. We are not taught to meet every situation we encounter with love but it is never too late to learn. Situations in the past (or as recent as this year) have closed us off to love. That is a natural reaction to pain but we aren’t meant to live our entire lives in lovelessness. This is your year of healing the heart. Healing isn’t linear and everyday won’t feel the same, but, when you find yourself believing in and accepting your blessings that is how you know that your heart is opening up to everything the Universe has to offer.

Libra

This year a lot of us may have taken an “L” on something we really wanted to do or accomplish. It may have been something that you needed extra time or resources for in order to succeed. For some, this situation may not have been what you really wanted and this “no” was a blessing in disguise. Take what resonates. Either way, there is a need for forgiveness if you felt “you could’ve done more”. In 2021 you are experiencing the perfection of you. Connecting your soul to the source of Divinity will bring in a swelling of positive emotions. Your love for Source will heal your love for self. This will be a year of new friendships and connections. New emotional beginnings in general. I am seeing that this year you may have also ran into conflict with others while you were pursuing your ambitions. You may have had difficulties balancing relationships and your thirst for creative endeavors. Your energy is recalibrating with the air of a New Year and new opportunities on the horizon. Others will be drawn to the rebirth of your energy in 2021. Your shift in perspective and emotional investment into all that you are passionate about will inspire others to lead the same life. Remembering that you are made of the same energy that created the heavens and the Earth will entrain the perfection of you in your heart.

Scorpio

In the beginning of 2020 you may have been hesitant and had little faith as to how everything you wanted would come about. You may have had scattered ideas, fragments of a full picture but as the year progressed, you gained more clarity. You witnessed the world opening up to you even as the 3D was shutting down due to quarantine. You are ending this year with an “anything can happen” mindset leaning towards positivity and the notion that you can handle that “anything”. You have actually been excited/eager to see what happens next. Because you have been learning more about yourself emotionally you are entering 2021 with a clear mindset as to who you are and what you bring to the table. You will be making decisions based off of your intuition alone, that’s how in tune you are with yourself. When most will say “there is no logic in intuition” you will simply laugh. Your intuition is leading you straight towards this 9 of pentacles energy. Milestones will be surpassed. Personal achievement will bring you great satisfaction and deepen your trust in Spirit and self. 2020 has taught you that listening to your individuality is hard but prosperous. Continue focusing on your personal values and what you believe is true and nothing can sway you from your blessings. You are a unique individual and it’s time to embrace all that that encompasses; power + authority.

Sagittarius

There is a great cleansing coming to you this New Year. In 2020 you put all of your energy towards the nurturing of yourself which in turn helped nurture those around you. You are ending this year feeling more emotionally complete because of this. You may be ending a cycle of putting other people’s nurturing over your own. This may have been a huge lesson for you. So much so that you actually felt a physical shift. This deep healing has been internally focused and will need to continue this way. As 2020 has taught us, nothing is set in stone, not even healing. In 2021 you will need to continue to observe what is causing disharmony in your life. It could be a situation that seems impossible to get out of. But let’s just say the beginning of 2021 will not look like the end of it. Like the aftermath of a storm , there will be many things that will be cleared away in your life. The people that don’t fit, the mindsets that hold you back or an unfulfilling job, nothing is off limits to Spirit. There will be a shift in your perspective where you won’t view it as a loss but a gain of space and energy for more aligned moments in your life. This is Spirit’s gift to you, literally a brand new beginning where we can put ourselves first. You have all Major Arcana which signifies life long changes and a deep acceptance of self.

Capricorn (222, 888)

This year you chose love over everything else. What truly spoke to you, you embraced, and all that you outgrew is being left in 2020. It took strength to continuously choose an emotion that is foreign to most. You dedicated yourself to this rebirth and are emerging as someone who appears to be different but you are just claiming your true self. This New Year you will be stepping onto the entrepreneurial path if you haven’t already. I’m seeing something physical like a pottery business or a mechanic shop. Either way this will be something you are passionate about. If you find that some people want to take advantage of your beautiful spirit don’t worry. There won’t be a need for any action. Heal from it and allow the Universe to handle them. 2021 is your time to retreat inwardly and explore the depths of your own subconscious. Whatever situation emerges, carrying love in your heart will help you prevail. This, unfortunately, does not make you immune to pain, but, it does help you conquer your doubt. Doubt of what you truly deserve, doubt of your capabilities and talent. This will be a great year to learn and understand where those doubts and fears stem from because you are more than capable Capricorns!

Aquarius

While 2020 was a difficult year for everyone emotionally, you my beautiful Aquarius, thrived creatively and soared to new heights. One of your greatest accomplishments this year could have been your patience towards your creative endeavors. And more patience even to yourself when creating. While others around you had difficulty accepting themselves you embraced this passionately. You’ve spent this year planting your seeds of love, knowledge and prosperity and this New Year you will have a bounty to show for taking such tender care. My question to you is do you believe it? That the Universe leaves no stone unturned when it comes to our blessings. And when I say blessings, our dreams, desires and everything we envision but can’t grasp just yet. You are stepping into 2021 healing and shedding all of your lack mindset around finances. This healing is going to prepare you for the abundance of 2021. I am also seeing that all of the signs and “coincidences” you’ve been seeing is Spirit confirming what you already know. It is safe to trust, keep releasing doubt. For some of you I am seeing a love interest entering your life this year. It could be quickly or sudden. They could be very creative, intelligent when it comes to social issues and equality. They are kind.

Pisces

This year you focused on harmony and balance in your life. When things felt unknown and unfamiliar you chose to allow your intuition to guide you. This balance and trusting of yourself and Spirit brought you abundance and stability. There was something that you may have been guided to that was like a well spring that you struck just right. This may have already appeared or is coming to you soon. You are stepping into 2021 with mental clarity and authority over your own thoughts. You will, or have already, find a unique balance of analytical thinking vs passionate creativity. Assuming authority over your fears and doubts will energetically charge you and encourage you to create more freedom in life. Not held back by self-made limitations or what others think. I am seeing that there could be a moment where you lose yourself in another in a relationship (platonic or romantic). This is me addressing it so that you can be aware but there is nothing to fear. Sometimes a relationship may ask so much of us up until the point we stop it and stand up for ourselves. This may not be present in your life currently, but if ever, don’t forget who you are and what you deserve. Keep striving for what is meant for you and makes you happy. This is your destiny!

If you enjoyed this reading please like/reblog! As this is a general reading, tipping isn’t required but always appreciated. 💖

https://cash.app/$aftonelizabethh

[quietmyfearswith]

their love language ; preferences

warnings — fluff (?) couple of swear words

characters — andy barber, steve rogers, jake jensen, bucky barnes, carter baizen, lance tucker, syverson, will shaw (cold light of day), august walker

a/n — just something i put together lmao asks are open for anything

with their little

masterlist

andy barber — physical touch and words of affirmation

It wasn’t unusual that Andy brought home work; but more often than not concerning. Not only was he overworking himself, but it also led him to doubt and question his own capabilities. And Y/N knew when these unwanted thoughts would start to plague Andy’s mind and she knew just how to prevent them from affecting him severely. Creeping up behind him, she placed her hands on his shoulders giving him a massage he didn’t know his body was begging for. “How you doing, handsome?” she asked sweetly as she placed a small kiss on the back of his ear. Turning his head slightly so he could reciprocate the kiss but on her hand, “Making slow but significant progress.” She hummed, moving her fingers from his shoulders and to his temples she tried to rub off the stress that seemed to have its epicenter at his forehead. “Well all that was possible because of you, angel, you and that big brain of yours.” Andy grabbed both her hands and turned to her; she knew what was gonna happen next — he was gonna argue with what she said and instead claim that he wasn’t that good and he could have done it quicker or done more. But before he even had a chance to do so, she slanted her lips on his to shut him up. “I’m gonna shut you up with a kiss every time you talk shit about yourself,” the man’s entire body vibrated with laughter as turned his chair around to face Y/N and grabbed her so she sat down on his lap, “In that case we might be kissing for a long time, love.”

august walker — acts of service

August’s dedication wasn’t only limited to his work; but also to his beloved Y/N. He’d like to think that the reason that he exposed himself to the dangers of the world is so that he could guarantee her safety. But on the instances wherein he wasn’t on a mission and instead was back home with her, he never missed out on an opportunity to make her feel safe and loved. Since he was having downtime from a mission, he took it upon himself to bring you to work and pick you up. It didn’t matter if it was out of his way or he had a busy day, it was something he loved to do. He loved having one hand on the steering wheel and the other on her warm thigh; just like how they were right now following her departure from her work. “I noticed how your laundry was piling up, so I washed it already. Also found the missing sock you were whining about last week,” Y/N looked at August and decided to tease him as she jokingly accused him, “I knew it! You hid it somewhere in our home.” His hand that was comfortably resting on her thigh left its place and went for her sides, tickling her. Hearing her giggles, made him boyishly smile, “That’s not what happened, missy. I was cleaning the house — because you were whining about how cluttered and messy it was getting and you didn’t have the time to clean it up — and somehow found that fuzzy sock of yours in the kitchen.” Upon learning what her man was up to, she was shocked and teased him more by saying, “Are you sure you should be a CIA agent and not a house cleaner? Seems like it’s one thing you absolutely love to do.” placing his hand back on her thigh, August rubbed her thigh warmly as he spoke, “Only for you love, I’ll do anything for you.”

bucky barnes — words of affirmation

For the majority of his life, he was used to hearing gruesome and morbid orders that were tasked for him to carry out. He was so used to hearing yells and harsh voices ringing in his ears; but now since he was free from their abusive hold, he didn’t have to hear the same sounds again. “Wakey wakey sleeping beauty,” was whispered into his ear, snapping him out of his sleeping state. Turning over, he looked at Y/N and smiled, “Are you sure I’m sleeping beauty and not you?” She just chuckled at his rebuttal as she laid her head on his chest and looked up at him, “I’m sure it’s you who’s the sleeping beauty I mean have you seen this face?” She took note  as she ran her finger through his sculpted face, “Jawline that can cut deep, lips that are soft and delectable, eyes that are extremely expressive.” She then let her hand go down to where his heart was and delicately traced over it as she further explained, “And of course, what’s inside of you takes the cake of what makes you the sleeping beauty; a caring nature, compassionate to others, wit that is incomparable, and has so much love to give.” The super soldier could feel his heart swell double its  current size with how comforting and heartfelt her compliment was. Grateful tears threatened to leave his eyes as she placed a chaste kiss on his chest and assured him, “Everything about you is beautiful, Bucky.”

jake jensen — quality time

“Are you free this Saturday?” Jake asked as he directed his focus from the computer to his girlfriend as she placed a mug of coffee on his working table. Curious and hopeful eyes were behind the lensed frame, hoping she would say that she was available. Leaning against his desk she crossed her arms and gave him a mocking look, “Depends on who’s asking and why,” but the puppy of man just grabbed at her forearms and pouted. “Please baby? I was hoping you’d be down for laser tag? Or if you don’t want to do that maybe we can watch a movie?” Y/N could not help but coo at how adorable her boyfriend looked; for a man who was part of the army he was too much of a softie. He despised having to be away from home for missions since he was always aching to spend time with you — and it didn’t really matter to him what it was you two were doing you could be museum-hopping, hiking, having a movie marathon, or just cuddling in bed. Which explains as to why he was inquiring whether or not you were available to spend time with him; leaning down to kiss his forehead, Y/N decided to put him out of his misery, “Yes love, I’m free on Saturday, we can go out for laser tag.” Standing up from where he was sitting down he excitedly wrapped his arms around the woman who was now laughing at how she mimicked the elation of a child. “Thank you, baby, can’t wait to kick your ass then.”

syverson — physical touch and quality time

Having been home from a deployment, it felt odd for Sy to not wake up when the sun was barely up or to not be squished with other men in a small space. Feeling movement in the bed where he lay, he quickly opened both his eyes and looked at the source of it. “Come back,” he groggily mumbled as he pulled Y/N closer and buried his face on her neck. “What if there’s somewhere I need to be, bear?” It was a surprise when she felt him whine, this alpha of a man whined at the thought of having to be away with his girlfriend. “I am gonna have to lock you inside the house, I just came back and there’s no way I’m gonna let you out until we’ve made up for lost time.” As she played with his short hair she pressed a kiss on the side of his forehead, “Good thing I have the week off then, huh?” his head shot up from her neck and looked at her excitedly, “No shit, baby? I get you all to myself for the whole week?” Nodding she busied her fingers again by running it through his buzz cut hair again. Feeling his thick arms wrap around her, she could feel the happiness and contentment resonate through his whole body. “I’m not letting you out of my hold, let alone my sight — I’m gonna need you all close to me and we’re gonna do everything together.”

lance tucker — physical touch

Having been involved in gymnastics at a young age, Lance’s hands were calloused and rough due to vigorous training. This then led him to be quite insecure and apprehensive when it came to physical contact with others, especially with someone he loves; for he fears they might run off once they feel the rough texture of his hands. Coming home from a long day filled with coaching he slumped down on the couch and took a deep breath. His muscles ached and it was starting to reach the point where it bothered him. “Hey bub, you just got home?” Y/N appeared from the kitchen and sat down beside the gymnast. As if on instinct, Lance laid his head on her lap and started to move his face around — as if it was a cat begging to be pet. Chuckling she did play with his hair with one hand while the other held on to his one hand. Letting out a satisfied hum he then began to vaguely recount his day, “Long day of coaching, switching up styles, correcting postures.” At the brief recount Y/N could feel how Lance tensed up and wanted to help him out hence why she offered, “How ‘bout you lie here and let me get that lavender oil you love? Then I can give the god of gymnastics a massage.” his eyes lit up and immediately lifted his head off her comfortable lap and laid down on his stomach as he tiredly mumbled, “Thank you baby, you’re massages are the best and I love your gentle touch.”

steve rogers — acts of service

Since retiring, Steve found himself comforted by having a routine. And much of his routine involves the things he does for Y/N — the love of his life. After finishing his morning run around the neighborhood, he immediately prepares coffee and sets out to cook breakfast. Upon padding down the stairs of their shared home, Y/N smiles at the sight of Steve placing the bacon, egg, and toast on two plates. “Good morning, honey,” she greeted him with a kiss on his lips. “Breakfast for my love,” he said as he placed a plate in front of her and slid to the seat opposite from where she was. “You have a busy day ahead of you, right?” She hummed in response to his question as she took a sip of the coffee he made, “Well I went to the gas station and made sure you had a full tank; I also prepared you your favorite lunch,” he pointed to the small lunch bag he bought her a few months back upon learning she would sometimes not have enough time to buy lunch if she had a busy day from work; so he took it upon himself to prepare lunch for her everyday. Placing her mug down, she held one of his hands in her own and looked at him fondly, “You spoil me too much; I think I’m getting too dependent on you.” Lifting her hand to his lips, he placed a few gentle kisses in the back of her palm and spoke sincerely, “I wouldn’t mind that at all, doll.”

carter baizen — receiving gifts

Luxurious and designer brands were something that Carter always had. It didn’t matter what kind of item it was — clothes, shoes, car, appliance, or electronics — but it was guaranteed that Carter had that object through the most expensive brand they had. So it was a surprise not only to Y/N, but also to Carter himself about how excited and touched he was every time the former gave him a gift. “Carter, I’m home!” Her yell seemed to bounce off the walls of his penthouse; one that was merely a living space but was turned into a warm and comforting home once she stepped foot in it, and in his life as well. “Hey, how was Canada?” he asked as he was seated on the sectional couch and patted for the spot beside him. Taking up on his offer she sat beside him as she placed a paper bag in his lap, “It was great! And I got this for you.” smiling, he thanked her for the gift and opened the bag as he pulled out the stuffed moose that was inside it, “A moose?” She nodded her head excitedly, “Well I don’t know, it just reminded me of you. Like you both have this cold and hard exterior; but really you both are softies,” she ended her explanation with a nervous giggle, fear settling in that Carter didn’t really like the gift. But as if he could read her thoughts he eased her nervousness with a smile and booped her nose, “Well it’s the best gift anyone has ever given me; so thank you, princess.” she sighed dramatically and leaned her back against his chest, and he wraps his arms around you and laughs at her silly antics. “That’s what you always say every time I give you something.” Holding the moose with one hand he shook it around as he talked in a silly voice, as if mimicking a cartoon character, “Well that’s because I do love everything you give me.”

will shaw — words of affirmation

In his pursuit of establishing himself as a businessman and entrepreneur, Will has heard a fair share of rejections and bad news. In fact he was so used to hearing these that it was quite rare and refreshing for him to hear reminders of positivity; and it wasn’t until Y/N came into his life and served to be the breath of fresh air for Will. Hanging up the phone call, Will let out an exasperated sigh and loosened the tie on his neck. Despite being successful in securing a meeting with potential business partners, he felt defeated as it took too much time and effort. The ringtone of his phone made him roll his eyes; though he did pick the phone up and answer the call without looking at the caller ID. “Yes, Mr. Scott?” Instead of the husky voice he was just talking to, it was instead the sweet voice of his girlfriend as she teased him, “Not a Mr. Scott, but should I be worried that you might like him more than me?” Upon hearing her voice he chuckled and shook his head, “No babe, there’s only you.” She laughed as well but despite that she was worried about him, “You alright, babe? Have you eaten?” Sitting up straight, he briefed her on what has happened so far, “Yeah I had a salad earlier. But guess what? I have a meeting with Mr. Scott, and if things go well they’re gonna be our business partners.” Her excited squeal made him excited as well, “That’s great babe! I told you that there was no need to doubt your presentation and skill!” Placing his hand on his chin, “I think you’re being too confident in me, babe” he sighed. “Well how could I not?” she said as she began listing off the qualities she admired about him, “You always get back up despite how many times you’ve fallen down, you’re determined to achieve what you want and will do all means to do so, and of course have you seen how good-looking you are? Mr. Scott would be an idiot to say no to that pretty face.” Her last remark had him roaring with laughter and shook his head at his silliness, “Oh babe, you do know how to boost someone’s confidence huh?”

[sgtjbbhasmyheart]

Drunk Texting Is(n’t) Bad for Your Health- Chapter Four

Series Summary: Talk about your unconventional meet-cute! Bucky receives a text by mistake requesting he prove he's not Reader's sister. The easy dialogue between Reader and Bucky sparks a natural friendship, but could it lead to more? Bucky still deems himself unworthy of any form of affection or love. Reader is hellbent to prove him wrong. With the help of some (meddling) friends along the way, Bucky may get his happily-ever-after after all.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2960

Warnings: Itsy bitsy amount of angst, bad language words, mentions of phone sex and masturbation

A/N: divider credit- @firefly-graphics

DO NOT copy or replicate without my permission

“James?”

You held your breath after you uttered the name into the phone’s speaker. Your heart galloped at the thought of actually speaking to him. You’d be lying if you had said you hadn’t imagined how his voice sounded. You pictured something deep and raspy but drawled and sweet.

In the last five days, you’d imagined many things about James. Not just the sound of his voice, but his laugh, too. Rich and soothing. And of his scent- distinctly his own or a fresh, citrusy cologne of bergamot and tangerines. You imagined his rough, calloused hands sliding over your skin in slow motion.

And how he kissed. You daydreamed about that, too. Often. You couldn’t count how many times you’d stared at his sorry excuse for a selfie. You found yourself drawn to it daily. It was only part of his face, but what you could see was ruggedly handsome. His lips looked soft and delectable. You pictured yourself nibbling on his bottom lip, deepening its color to blush pink.

A sharp sigh escaped through your nose as you waited for his reply. Maybe he hadn’t heard you the first time? “James?” you asked again. “Hello?”

No response.

You pulled the phone away from your ear to make sure you were still connected. The call-time counter ticked ominously second by second on the screen. You tucked the device back under your hair to find the call was still active.

Did he get cold feet and change his mind last minute? He hadn’t hung up yet, so you weren’t exactly sure why he was waiting. Maybe he was tongue-tied? Or hadn’t expected you to pick up?

“Did you butt-dial me, James?” you laughed, trying to dispel some of your anxiety.

You heard a muffled “ shit” and two beeps. You glanced at the phone’s screen again, and call ended flashed in bold white.

Ignoring the hang-up, you immediately re-dialed James. The line rang and rang. And rang.

You weren’t confident you were going to speak with James, the longer the rings continued. He wasn’t ready to talk to you yet, and that was okay. It had only been five days.

Five days wasn’t long enough to build a bond over stupid Would You Rather? questions or form a simmering crush on a stranger that made your stomach flip whenever he sent you a funny cat meme. Nope. Five days was much too short of time for anything.

A generic voicemail greeting clicked over and rudely beeped at you. You took a deep breath and quickly thought of a reason to be calling someone who didn’t want to talk. “Hey, James. Just calling you back. It’s (Y/N), by the way. I’m not sure if you meant to call the first time or if sneaky ninjas have accosted you and somehow did a crazy pocket dial. Y’know, because of the whole military-trained assassin athlete mchottie thing. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. And no pressure! If you’re not comfortable talking on the phone, I completely understand. I’m sweating bullets just talking to your voicemail box.” You chuckled nervously. You were starting to babble.

“Anyway,” you continued. “I hope you’re well. And don’t leave me hangin’. I really wanna know if you’d rather sneeze every hour or burp when you saw a pretty girl.” You laughed again. “Goodbye, James.”

You mashed the end call button and face-planted into one of the throw pillows on your couch. You groaned loudly into the fabric, chastising yourself in your head. If he didn’t want to talk before, he most definitely wouldn’t want to now. You shook your head in disbelief. Sneaky ninjas, seriously? What. The. Fuck?

Hours later, while in the middle of a Say Yes to the Dress marathon (dammit Robyn!) and a self-induced diabetic coma of ice cream and chips, your phone vibrated. You swat at it on the coffee table with a foot, only to realize you lack the limberness or the dexterity in your toes to retrieve the phone. As a result, it tumbled to the ground as you groaned in displeasure. Cursing your luck, you bent forward to pick it up. Awakening the phone’s black screen, a text popped into view.

James Sorry

Your heart lurched for a moment. With every second that had passed since you’d left your voicemail for James, the least likely you’d felt he’d call back or even respond. Hence the pity party with Ben & Jerry and Cool Ranch Doritos.

James My so-called “friends” grabbed my phone from me and led to accidentally calling you.

Ahh, the old “invade-your-friend’s-privacy” maneuver, you thought, shaking your head.

James I didn’t want to hang up on you, but I’m not quite ready to talk yet. I like what we have.

Your heart flopped. You liked what you had, too, but a small part of you- a dumb part- wanted just a little more.

Shaking off the feeling of longing churning your insides, you thumbed over the screen to reply.

You No worries, James. We can go at whatever speed you like.

It was weird to have the guy, for once, want to take things slow. Usually, it was always you pumping the brakes in the relationship. Was this even a relationship, though? Were all the texting and personal questions leading somewhere? Or were you bound to end up friends with an interesting story to tell your other friends?

Not allowing your negative thoughts to curtail the joy of finally texting James again, you quickly punched out:

You I’m just glad you’re okay and not being held for ransom somewhere.

James It would take a whole horde of ninjas to take me down.

You giggled at the confidence contained in this one text, but talking to a girl on the phone threw him for a loop. We are definitely back in junior high, you thought.

You You sound awfully confident for a man who wouldn’t talk to a friend on the phone.

James You don’t want to talk to me.

You pinched your eyebrows together in frustration to form a crease between them. Was he serious?

You Sure, I do. I have a bet going with myself on how your voice sounds. Is it deep and masculine or high-pitched like you sucked in helium?

James Which are you betting on?

You pulled your bottom lip in by your teeth, biting softly. You smirked as you thought of the two options. The former would be nice, but the latter would be pretty damn funny.

You I mean, deep and masculine is very desirable. Listening to the low timbre of a man’s voice is very relaxing for me. But, considering the ridiculous “selfie” you sent me, I’m placing my money on high-pitched.

James What was wrong with my selfie?!

Somehow, you knew that would get him worked up.

You Well, for starters: I can only see, like, part of your face! Did a blind person teach you how to take them??

You And secondly, there clearly wasn’t enough “Blue Steel.” With cheekbones and pouty lips like yours and a chiseled jaw, I’d be blue-steeling the shit out of all my selfies!

A wave of remorse washed over you once you hit send. Had you really compared him to Zoolander? Not only had you objectified him by mentioning how aesthetically pleasing he was (let’s face it- he’s really, really, really ridiculously good looking), but you may have criticized him for his terrible selfie abilities. At that moment, as you waited for the inevitable “fuck off” text to come through, you wished for a giant sinkhole to appear under your apartment and swallow you whole. What were you thinking?

James First off, I’m a selfie amateur. My past line of work limited my contact and/or exposure to the outside world. I didn’t learn what a selfie even was until recently. Remember, I’m also a man of mystery. I’m trying to keep up appearances and can’t reveal too much.

James What is “Blue Steel”? I’m not very pop-culture savvy unless it happened before 1944.

James Did you just call me pretty??

Your cheeks flushed with the heat of a thousand suns. He called you out as you expected him to do.

You Uh...

You Are we gonna talk about the fact you said you didn’t know about pop culture after 1944?? You are a grandpa!

James Nice try with the subject change! Admit it- you think I’m pretty.

You rolled your eyes. Of course, that would be the thing he focused on out of the whole conversation.

You I have no idea what you’re talking about.

If all else fails--deny, deny, deny.

James Right. Sure about that, doll?

Your pulse spiked.

You never did like pet names before you met James, but doll had a goo-ing effect on you for some reason. Everything seemed to turn to mush whenever he mentioned the word.

You Absolutely. I have no reason to believe that if you weren’t a military-trained assassin athlete mchottie, you’d be a male model. None what-so-ever.

James Uh-huh. I’m going to pretend that you aren’t lying through your teeth and getting back to our scintillating game of Would You Rather?

James I’d burp every time I saw a pretty dame, by the way. I wouldn’t want to take my chances with sneezing in my sleep. Would you rather eat only fruits or vegetables for one year?

Several nights after the voicemail incident, you were sitting in Penelope with Robyn after work. She wanted to meet up to decide which centerpieces worked best for the reception. Scattered across the table were three samples she and Kevin had narrowed it down to. With your thumb, while playing with a corner of the hand-drawn example closest to you, a sigh escaped your nose.

Your sister’s talent mesmerized you. Each storyboard showed the intricate detail of the flowers and candles themselves and what the tables would look like next to each other with every centerpiece. You were in awe.

“These are so good, Robbie! They must have taken forever to put together,” you said, admiring a different sample on the table.

“Nah,” she replied, brushing the compliment aside. “Just an afternoon’s time last week.”

“Well, shit. I hope they’re paying you the big bucks at work.”

She quirked an eyebrow devilishly as she reached for her drink. “You know it,” she jested before taking a sip.

You laughed at her cheekiness. Robyn had always been a go-getter. One of the many attributes you loved about her. Never took no for an answer.

“Soooo,” she drawled as she set her glass down. “How have you been?”

You looked up swiftly, eyeing her suspiciously before returning your gaze to the storyboard in your hands. “I’m still alive if that’s what you’re asking.” You set the drawing down to take a drink from your glass. “Haven’t been murdered yet, but the night is still young.”

Robyn rolled her eyes at your petulance. “You know I worry about you. Are you still texting James?”

You smiled sweetly. “Each day that goes by, you act more and more like Mom. You know that?”

Robyn scoffed. “I do not!”

She could deny it all she wanted, but Robyn was turning into the spitting image of your mother. You laughed again. “You do too. Even down to the eye roll.”

She folded her arms over her chest, waiting for you to answer her question.

Two could play this game.

You wiped the corner of your mouth with your napkin unhurriedly. “If you must know, yes, James and I are still texting.”

“Has he sent any dick pics or asked for nudes?” Robyn asked earnestly.

“Yup. We engage in wildly pornographic phone sex every night.”

Robyn glanced around the restaurant with eyes wide as saucers, making sure none of the other patrons heard you. “(Y/N), I’m serious! Has he propositioned you?”

You huffed a small laugh. “Nope,” you admitted. “In fact, he’s the one that wants to take things slow. He accidentally called me the other day and hung up from jitters.” Robyn didn’t need to know the full truth.

“The jitters?” Robyn queried.

“Yeah. I even called him back, but he let it go to voicemail.”

“Then, he must be weird or ugly.”

You grimaced at her assumption. “Ew, Robbie. Don’t be gross,” you chastised. “He’s the opposite of ugly. I might even go as far as to call him handsome.”

“How? You don’t know what he looks like,” Robyn questioned.

You took a quick sip of your drink, holding up a finger. “Au, contraire mon frère. He sent me a selfie in the very beginning.”

Robyn looked at you, perplexed. “You know you just called me your brother, right?”

You waved a hand at her to dismiss her accusation. “Ma soeur just doesn’t have the same ring to it.” You pulled your phone out to offer proof.

“You can barely see his face!” she exclaimed. “What if he’s horribly disfigured on the other side? Or missing an arm?”

You shrugged. “Then, he’s missing an arm.” You got a distant look in your eyes as you recalled the last ten days of texting with James. “He’s different, Robbie. He’s smart and funny and caring. Polite. It feels like he has an old soul. He calls me doll for chrissakes!”

“Are you sure he isn’t some crusty, old man?” Robyn gagged at the thought.

“No, I don’t,” you chuckled in response. The faraway look returned after a moment. “To me, he’s just James.”

Realization dawned on Robyn’s face, lighting her up like a light bulb. “Oh, my god. You like him.”

“Well, yeah,” you acknowledged, “he’s my friend.”

“No. You like him like him.”

Your face reddened quickly with the awareness of your feelings. They weren’t real, were they? Shaking your head, you replied, ”Nothing will happen, Robbie. It’s just a crush.”

Skeptically, she agreed, “Uh-huh.”

“What?”

“I believe that as much as I welcome a cold sore on my wedding day.” She scrunched her nose at the thought of a gross, red blemish on her face for her big day.

“Fine,” you acquiesced. “If I fall head over heels, madly in love with James by your wedding day, I’ll owe you a hundred bucks.”

Robyn raised a sculpted brow in interest. “I’m listening.”

“One hundred dollars. End of negotiation,” you stated. “I don’t have a spare hundred bucks, so it will be a motivator not to fall for James. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.”

She smiled smugly, shaking her head in disbelief. “Uh-huh.”

“Will you stop saying that?” you said, throwing a piece of lettuce at her face. “You definitely sound like Mom.”

Robyn huffed in annoyance, back-handing your shoulder softly. “Shuddup! I do not!”

You chortled heartily at the mini tantrum she was throwing about becoming Mom. You’d say anything at this point to get her to forget about you and James.

In all honesty, there was no you and James. Not really. You were friends, but could you move past that?

He was hiding something.

Something big.

And it wasn’t part of the whole “man of mystery” persona, either. James was holding back.

He had a hard time giving up anything personal to you that went beyond his likes and dislikes, which led you to believe he had found it difficult to trust.

It angered you deeply without really knowing why. Something in his past had sparked the inability. You only wish you knew what.

Deep down, you could really see yourself falling for James, and that scared you to death.

Breaking you from your reverie, Robyn piped up, “You know, James is probably jerking off to your voicemail.”

“Oh, absolutely!” you retorted, both of you dissolving into a giggling fit.

After leaving Robyn with a clear choice for centerpieces, you made your way back home. After a fifty-minute subway ride, you popped into the corner bodega for some essentials for the coming week.

Sauntering up the stairs to your third-floor walk-up, you steadied your armful of groceries with each step. It had been a long week, and now with the revelation of how you felt about James clouding your mind, a glass of wine, ice cream, and a bubble bath sounded good right about now.

You could barely see over the bags and juggled them precariously. As you stepped onto your floor, you recognized the voice of your next-door neighbor down the hall. He was talking with someone, but you couldn’t tell with whom or what about.

Blindly, you called out, “Hey, Peter? Can you be a lifesaver and help a neighbor out?” You heard the scuffle of footsteps over tile rush toward you.

Sighing in relief, you relinquished two bags to the arms reaching out. “Thanks, Pete! You’re a pe-”

You stopped mid-sentence when your view was finally cleared. Your sixteen-year-old neighbor wasn’t standing before you but a tall man with chestnut hair tied in a knot. Your lips parted slightly as your eyes widened to take in the figure’s full breadth holding your groceries.

Your eyes flicked to Peter as everything came back to focus. He was adjusting your other two bags in his arms.

“Miss (Y/L/N), this is Mr. Barnes from my Stark internship. He’s a friend. He was helping me with some history homework,” Peter explained, gesturing to the hulking man standing outside your apartment door.

“Peter,” you admonished, “how many times-” Last names weren’t meant to be spoken by friends slash neighbors.

Peter winced. “Right! Sorry, (Y/N)!” he apologized. “This is Bucky.”

Recognition crossed your face at the name. Smiling, you stuck out your hand in front of you. “Bucky Barnes, it’s nice to meet you.”

Bucky shifted one of your bags in his arms to reach out his hand. He smiled softly, “ Li-likewise.”  

Chapter Three | Chapter Five

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[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

              BOUND SERIES: PART 1 (THE NEGOTIATION)

Prompt: Y/N decides to look for a Dom to have her first real Submissive experience. She just didn’t expect him to be so breath taking (Yes, it’s a shitty description, but I don’t wanna ruin it! Hahahah)

Word Count: Long-ish

Pairing: Drew McIntyre x Reader

Warnings: + 18, BDSM, cursing(me and my sailor’s mouth) and adult subjects (For now)

Notes: I’ll probably make a little series out of this, so here’s how it all started... Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) and if you’re comfortable with it,please let me know what you think? Some feedback is always welcomed and appreciated ❤️You can check out my other stories typing ‘masochist writes’ on the search bar on my page and my newest story as a fixed post.Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

Tagging: @blondekel77, @drew-is-boo, @akiko-tanaka, @drewmcintyrekoccsrocbwdgfan, @new-zealand-chic (maybe? sorry babe)

I was sitting in one of the outside tables at a small coffee shop, paitiently waiting for him to show up. He wasn´t late or anything like that, I was the one that arrived earlier, from what I’ve heard he was extremely on point. That's why I wasn't surprised when he turned around the corner at 2:00 p.m. sharp. The friend who've had indicated him to me, did mentioned his incredible size and beauty, but man I still got caught off guard by it.

He's a fucking walking dream. Bulky type, extremely tall, piercing blue grayish eyes, shoulder lenght black hair that was tighly secured in a low ponytail, dark beard, incredibly defined arms and thick strong thighs. He was dressed approprietely, not too fancy but not too sloppy either, simple rolled up sleeves plain black dress shirt, perfectly fitting jeans and some casual discreet boots. He was breath taking! And I wasn't the only one who've noticed his incredible dominieering energy that seems to exudes from his body naturally.

His eyes scanned through the tables 'til his gaze found mine, he confidently approached were I was sitting.

"Y/N I presume?" He has a slight accent, but I can't pick up from where...

It took me a second to recover "Yes, that's me" I give him a shy smile

He smiles widely back at me, letting a beautiful pair of dimples on display "I'm Drew"

"Y/N" I shook the hand he offered me, frowning soon afterwards "But you already know that" I whisper

He chuckled lightly "Can I get you anything from inside?" He points towards the coffee shop

"No, I'm good! But thank you" I raise my latte cup

"Ok then, I'll be right back" He says as he entered to grab himself a drink

My nerves was stariting to get the best out of me, I was sweating profusely, I felt like my hair was a mess, my makeup too minimal, my clothes too simple, I hadn't sprayed enough perfume, was there something on my teeth? Do I smell bad? What if he thinks I'm ugly? Or too fat? Should I try to suck my belly in? Is that gonna work? I could already feel all of those old ghosts from the past calling for me.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He says already sitting in front of me

I startled a little "Oh sorry, I didn't notice you came back"

"Yeah... Is there something bothering ya?" He carefully searchs my face for something...but I'm not sure what...

"Just you know, deep in thoughts" I try to shake it off

"Right.. Are these thoughts any related as to how much you're feeling insecure with your own image because of me?" He asks

*Damn! Why is he so good at this?* I thought

I debated whether or not I should lie to him, but I figured he would find out if I did eventually so I didn't bother

"Kind of, yeah.." I vaguely say

"Why Y/N?"

"Because I mean, look at you! Who wouldn't feel insecure around you? You're a very good looking man and well.."

"And you're a very good looking woman, so what's the matter? There's something else" He starts to search for something again and I can feel his getting close to find it..

I feel like I'm going through a polygraph test and he won't stop until he finds the truth "Daddy issues" I bitterly laugh "For real and not just you know, as a joke" I whisper as I prepare myself for him to walk off at any minute.

After 5 long minutes of silence I raise my head to find him still just sitting there, looking at me.

"Are you not gonna like..leave?" I ask softly

"Why would I?" He asks in a soothing voice

"Because, I'm fucked up?"

"And who isn't?" He lightly chuckles

"I- I'm confused" I whisper

"Look Y/N, I'm a man, a real man not an immature little boy. I'm not going to walk off because a beautiful adult woman has some self esteem issues due some fucked up things an immature little boy self proclaimed man did to her" He didn't even blinked "I'm not here to make you feel bad about yourself, I'm here so you can see your true self darling, not a twisted blurred vision from somebody else" He squeezed my hand

"Would you like to do this another time?" He asks

"No, please I- I would like to do this now if that's ok" It was weird how comfortable he made me feel

"Of course darling, whatever you'd like" He softly brush his fingers on my cheek "Thank you Y/N, for being honest, trusting me and being so up front about something so personal and hurtful" He hold my hand on his own and press a light kiss on my knuckles

He left me so speechless I could only nod in response.

"Where do you want to begin then, love?" He asks

"I've never officially done this before so, I don't kno- Where are you from? I can hear a very light accent, but is so faint I can't pick up where it's from" The curiosity took the best out of me.

He laughs before saying "Scotland, love"

"Oh, cool" Was all I could say

We've talked about everything, cultural differences, work, hobbies, movies, tv series, books, travels, food...it was pretty clear that we matched, which I was glad. My heart skipped in my chest once I heard his next question

"Well, I think we both can agree that there's some chemistry between us, love. So I would love to do a test scene with you so we can see if this chemistry goes beyond the talking. Would you be interest in that?"

"Yeah, of course. I would love that" I smile softly

"Good. Let's negotiate a scene then shall we?" He says mirroring my smile

He unlocks his cellphone and begin to type something on it.

"Alright, let's start with a simple one. Are you into pain?"

"Yes"

"To what level? Light, moderate or hard?"

"Moderate"

"Soft limits?"

"Um... age play, floggers, nipple clamps, temperature play, pet play, orientation play, exhibitionism..I guess that's it"

"Hard limits?"

"Scat play, minors/ children, chemical play, race play, needle play, serious bodily injury, animals and fisting"

"Do you have any medical issues Y/N?"

"No"

"Do you take any type of prescripted medication?"

"Yeah, contraceptive pills"

"Do you have any addictions? Legal or illegal substances"

"I smoke cigarrettes, sporadically"

"What word would you like do use as our safewords?"

"I would like to keep the three basic colors please"

"Ok, and safe signs? For when your mouth is restained"

"I don't know.."

"What do you think about 1,2,3? 1 for green, 2 for yellow and 3 for red?" He asks

"That sounds good"

"What would you like as aftercare?"

"Um..maybe some cuddling? And some candy" I blush and he sweetly smiles

"Are you ok with the following: General bondage, spanking, sex toys, degradation, praise, breath play, trichophilia, edge play, fear play?"

"Yes, I'm ok with all"

"Would you like to have intercourse?"

I froze at that question

"Y/N, I asked if you would be interested in having intercourse?" He says softly

"I didn't knew that was an option" I whispered

"Generally it isn’t, but like I said, you're a very beautiful woman and I would be lying if I said I don't feel attracted to you" His eyes were glued to mine “But that’s up to you, love”

“Yes I would be interested in it” I murmured

He smiles fondly “Is there anything else, besides fisting, you don’t look forward to do during intercourse?”

“Not really..I just have a problem with anal”

“You don’t like it?” He asks

“I don’t mind it actually, is just that, past experiences were not really that pleasant”

“I see..well anal sex can be extremely pleasurable to the woman, but that will depends on who’s performing it. We have to prep you properly before hand, have the right amount of lubrication and patience, love. But we’ll get to that when it’s time, don’t worry. I’ll never do something that we have not fully agreed on with before hand”

I nod.

“Okay, double penetration, how do you feel about it?”

“I’ve never done it, but I would like to try it”

He smirks at me “Alright, love. So, as our test scene I was thinking about setting a time limit, like 30 to 40 minutes to keep the scene short, just to feel our chemistry together”

“I’m good with that” I respond

“What would you look forward to do on that scene?”

“Um...some bondage..degradation maybe? And maybe intercourse too?” I blush

“That sounds like a plan, love” He winks “When would you like to do it?”

“Can we do it now?” I eagerly ask

“I like the way you think Y/N” He smirks as he got up from the chair “C’mon love” He offers me his hand “Let’s tie you up”

I took his hand as we walk down the sideblock. Oh God, what the hell was I doing?...

                                To Be Continued....

Thoughts on this series 👉👈?

[chemist-ana]

Chapter 12 The Gala— Sams POV

Book: The Nanny Affair

Characters: Sam, Ana Schuyler (MC), Vivan and Mason Dalton

Pairing: Sam Dalton (male) x Ana Schuyler (MC)

Rating: 18+

Content Warning: NSFW, Sexual Language, Adult Language, Sexual Situations

A/N This chapter has been a very highly anticipated chapter by all of those who have been reading this series. It took me a while to write because I wanted to make sure I got it right, I really hope you all enjoy this trip into Sam Dalton’s mind… because this is really when their relationship changes. I hope I did this chapter justice. Thank you for all of your support during this series and for all the likes and reblogs.

Summary: All it takes is one night for everything to change.

Word Count: 5192

Tag List:  @txemrn @secretaryunpaid @lifeaskim @aussieez @pixie88 @thefrenchiemama @sfb123 @mainstreetreader @shewillreadyou @khoicesbyk @lady-calypso @choicesficwriterscreations @somersetmummy @melalicious8383 @chrissythadon @nestledonthaveone

Her eyes are wide in surprise as the silence stretches before she finally speaks.

“What happened to Sofia?”

“She can’t make it. She came down with a bad case of food poisoning.” Or so she says… I didn’t want to ask too many questions, because honestly… I am glad she isn’t my date tonight…

“Oh. Still… I’m not sure it’s a good idea for me to take her place.” Her face drops. “Don’t you think we’d be tempting fate? Or at least, each other?”

I let my eyes wander over her body, noticing every dip and curve of her hips and chest. I don’t care, to hell with duty and responsibility, I fucking want you.

“Yes, definitely. But I can’t seem to help myself. Besides, it was Sofia’s idea.”

She perks up at this information, her mouth setting into a thin line as she raises one sculpted eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“She said you’d know what to do, since you helped her prepare. And it was ‘uncouth’ for Dalton Enterprises to have an empty seat at the table.”

I watch hope flash through her emerald eyes as the corners of her lips teased up in a small smile.

“What about the boys? We can’t leave Mason and Mickey by themselves.”

Ah, yes, but that is why I have Carter.

“Carter already said he can keep an eye on them.”

“Okay, but…” She looks around her room, taking her bottom lip in between her teeth, until I see a sense of resolve settle over her. “Sam, I’d love to be your date tonight.”

“Really?” My smile widens, things just keep getting better and better...

“Hell yeah! Or something more appropriate for a fancy gala… most delightedly?”

“Honestly, I don’t care if you’re appropriate or not. I’m just glad you’ll be there.”

“So… what exactly does one wear to a fancy event like this?”

“Funny you should ask… I thought it’d be nice if we matched tonight.”

I bring the dress from behind my back and the gold sends flashes of light across her face. Her lips spread into a genuine smile.... So beautiful…

“It’s beautiful…” She whispers as she lightly runs her fingers across the delicate fabric.

“You’re beautiful.” I say without hesitation. “Doesn’t matter what you wear. But I do think you’d look particularly stunning in this. I am going to step out and give you a moment to change.”

She looks up at me as she takes the dress, whispering a quiet okay.

The door clicks behind me as I step out. My eyes look over to Mason and Mickey who are whispering something between themselves at the end of the hall. When they catch me staring, they run into the living room. I shake my head with a smile, trouble makers.

Eager to see Ana in that gown I turn around and knock softly on her door. She calls out ‘come in’ and I open the door slowly.

“You ready?” I ask before my eyes land on her.

“You tell me.” She turns to face me, squaring her shoulders with a confident smile.

I stop in my tracks, letting out a sharp exhale… fucking breathtaking. My eyes scan her body, starting at the stilettos strapped to her feet curving her long legs up, the slit in the dress showcasing her toned leg. My eyes continue up to the deep V in the front, showcasing the soft curves of her breasts and the delicate skin between them. Then finally they settle on her face.

“I was right. You’re stunning.” I take two long strides until I am standing right in front of her, resting my hands on her waist and slowly trailing them down the curves of her hips. “Fit’s like a glove.”

Her breath catches as our eyes meet. “Sam…” She whispers as a blush spreads across her cheeks.

I reach up and run my thumb across the velvet skin of her cheek, losing myself in her eyes as my chest tightens… this is way more than just infatuation…

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket as a text comes in, bringing me back into the moment. I clear my throat taking a step back, and I watch her let out a breath.

“We should head out.”

“Right. Don’t want to be late.” She grabs her clutch off of her dresser.

I give her a rueful smile as I intertwine our fingers together. “That, and if we stay here a moment longer, I don’t think I will ever be able to bring myself to leave.” And I want to show you off tonight.

“… Oh.” Her blush spreads further across her cheeks. That delicious blush is going to be the death of me, it’s like a key to your true feelings.

“Come. The limo’s writing for us.” I pull her out of the room, leaning into the feeling of being elated for the evening ahead.

***

We trade glances as the limo drives us through the city streets. I fight every urge in my body to run my hand up the length of her dress to her most private place, keeping my hands firmly placed in my lap.

When the limo pulls to a stop outside of the gala, my eyes dart outside, noticing the throngs of reporters. I take a steadying breath before our driver opens the limo door. I step out first, turning back and offering a steadying hand to Ana as she gracefully exits the limo.

That's when the lights started flashing, these snakes expected me to show up with someone else… I hope she can handle this.

I place my hand on the small of Ana’s back as she leans into me.

“Whoa. The press is even crazier than at your engagement party.” She says just loud enough for me to hear.

“Just smile and nod. That’s what I always do.”

She leans back and I look down at her with a warm smile. I offer her my arm, and she links hers through mine.

“Sam! Sam Dalton! Who’s your date? Where’s Sofia Russo?”

I feel Ana tense on my side and I pull her closer.

“She’s got such style! Look at that gown…”

I glance down at Ana and she has a smile on her face that could drop any man to his knees.

“Give us a quote, sweetie! What’re you doing here? What happened to Sofia?”

“No comment. Now, if you’d please excuse us…” I guide Ana confidently through the paparazzi, looking down at her and mouthing a silent ‘sorry’ as we step away from the mob together.

“I can see why Sofia prepared so much for tonight… I didn’t realize this party was such a big deal!” The confident smile that played on her lips is now replaced with a look of worry.

I stop, pulling her into my chest. “Ana, I’ve thought about taking you out on a night like this for a long time. Now that we’re finally here, I’d really like to focus on us, not Sofia. Because you…” I lean back and scan my eyes down her delicious body. “…are all I can think about. Deal?”

That lovely smile returns to her luscious lips. “Deal. No more Sofia talk. Let’s head inside and enjoy the evening.”

She takes my hand and we walk side by side into the ballroom. This feels so incredibly natural…We make our way to our table and my stomach drops when I see my parents already seated. My mothers eyes widen as she looks over to my father. I see a flash of disappointment on his face.

“Ana? What a… delight to see you here. You look wonderful in that gown.” Her gaze softens.

“Thank you.” Ana responds confidently.

“Where’s Sofia?” My father asks gruffly. Great manners dad…

“She wasn’t feeling well, so she stayed home. Luckily, Ana was free to help us fill the table.”

“Lucky, indeed. You know how it looks to have an empty seat.” He manages to give Ana a smile before turning his attention back to the room.

“Are we expecting someone else?” Ana looks up at me.

“Unfortunately, Robin couldn’t make it at the last minute either. But never fear, Mason’s old secretary should be along soon to take his place.” My mother waves it off with her hand… Robin not showing up to a party?

“You weren’t kidding about this empty seat thing.” Ana leans in and whispers in my ear.

“Yeah, if you buy a table at an event like this, you’re expected to fill every seat or you might get frozen out next time.” I whisper as my eyes fall on hers. I lift my gaze to scan the guests that have begun to fill the room and my eyes land on Miles Houston.

“That’s Miles Houston. I recognize him from Sofia’s flashcards… Why are we staring at him though?”

Intuitive, god you are impressive.

“I’ve been trying to convince him to collaborate with us on a new project, but he’s notoriously un-schmoozable. Care to help me change that?”

“It’d be my honor.”

She takes my arm and we make our way across the room.

“Samuel. You’re looking well.” Miles extends a hand, which I shake firmly before turning to Ana.

“You too, Miles. Ana, I’d like you to meet Miles Houston, a fellow technophile and unrepentant geek. I’m hoping he might brainstorm with me someday.”

I watch his eyes scan up Ana’s body and I bite the inside of my cheek.

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Do you work at Dalton Enterprises as well?”

“I… freelance alongside the company in a limited capacity, but I’m inches away from committing full time.” Clever girl…

“Oh? Why do you say that?”

“I love how the waste and energy efficiency are top notch.” She pauses, pushing her shoulders back. “It’s important to be conscious of your environmental impact, even on a small scale. Like how after a company event, Sam himself stayed behind to recycle every last can.” Her eyes flick to mine, and I wonder if she can tell how proud I am of her at this moment.

I turn my gaze back to Miles as she catches him by surprise. “It’s hard to find a CEO willing to do the work instead of cutting corners. “

“We do what we can. It’s our responsibility to set the standard.”

“It is helpful to see Dalton Enterprises from a different point of view… and the way you describe it seems rather idyllic.” Miles tips his glass of champagne at Ana as his brows raise.

Gotcha.

“As you know, we’d love to bring you onboard. You could be instrumental in making sure we hit our environmental goals with the latest Nightingale update.”

“I admit, I’ve been on the fence, but after tonight… I’ll be in touch.” He looks at me with a nod.

I reach out my hand, trying to hide the grin that is spreading across my face. He shakes it, and as he walks away, I turn to Ana.

“I can’t believe you just schmoozed the un-schmoozable.”

“Turns out, it’s pretty easy when you study everyone’s life story for a full day. Speaking of…” Ana gestures over my shoulder and I turn to see Selene d’Torte standing at our table, having what appears to be a heated discussion with my parents.

“We’d better rescue them.” My eyes flick down to Ana and we make our way back to our table.

My father is visibly upset as we approach. . “Selene, you can’t just back out like this out of the blue. It’ll make the other shareholders panic!”

“That’s not my responsibility. I just want to sell my shares and be done with the whole market.” I can tell Selene is uncomfortable.

“Pardon the intrusion. It’s good to see you again, Selene. May I introduce Ana Schuyler? This is her first gala, and I’m trying to show her a good time.”

Selene turns towards Ana and her face softens slightly into a smile.

“I couldn’t help but overhear… Are you really going to sell, Ms. d’Torte? Dalton stock has been so stable recently, even trending up.” Oh, Ana, I hope you know what you are doing…

“I just don’t trust the game anymore, I wouldn’t expect you to understand…” She trails off as fear flashes across her face.

“I understand, and it reminds me of something Kierkegaard said.” Ana smiles. “‘Life must be understood backwards, but lived forwards.’ If you dump all your investments now, you’ll just be living ‘backward’.”

“I did feel like I had a talent for investing, but I was so wrong with MediShade…” Selene takes a small step back.

“Maybe you’ve been burned in the past, but life is about observation and adaptation. That’s all philosophy is, right? Distilling education from experience?” Damn you’re good.

I clench my jaw to keep it from dropping to the floor.

“Jonathan Swift did encourage us all to live every day of our lives, and I think he meant to take risks.”

“Exactly. I’d hate to see you lose confidence in your judgment of one mistake.”

I can see the moment that Selene’s mind has been changed because of the smile she gives Ana.

“I suppose it would be hasty to make a decision right now. Sam, let’s meet next week to discuss this further.”

We shake hands and after a polite goodbye, she retreats back to her table.

“That was…” My father is at a loss for words.

“Impressive.” My mother finishes for him.

“That was Ana in action.” And I am more impressed than I ever believed I could be…

I heard the music change and against my better judgment, all I want to do is have her in my arms.  I look over at her and extend my hand.

“Dance with me, Ana? You’ve more than earned a break from all the shoptalk.”

“I’d love to.” She places her hand in mine and I lead her out onto the dance floor. I pull her to my chest and we sway together, the rest of the room and all the guests fade away.

“I don’t really know how to waltz… or whatever this is.” She whispers softly.

“Just follow my lead. Or I could follow yours, if you’d prefer.”

“Meaning what? If I twerk, you will too?” She laughs softly.

“Something like that.” I squeeze her hand in mine and lean closer to whisper in her ear. “This is our night, Ana. Not theirs.”

“In that case, I’ll follow your lead.” She murmurs in response.

I intertwine our fingers together with my right hand while placing my left hand on the small of her back, drawing her closer to me. The smell of jasmine and Ana overtaking my senses, as I feel her body melt into mine.

“Just relax. As long as you stay loose and let me take control, it’ll be easy.”

“You say that like letting you take control is easy for me.”  Her melodic voice ringing through my ears.

“Do you prefer to be in control?” Arousal stirs through me.

“Mmm… I like when we take turns.” She says as she squeezes my hand.

“... Duly noted.”

I pull her even closer to me as we dance in time to the music, I can feel her body tensing up as she steps on my foot.

“Whoops! Was that your foot?” I see a blush rising on her neck.

“I’ll survive. Don’t worry about the steps, Ana. Just look at me.” I encourage her. She leans back slightly and her emerald eyes meet mine. She is looking at me like I hung the moon and my chest tightens. She starts to loosen up and I take the opportunity to spin her around the dance floor. The intense feelings I am having for this woman grow exponentially in this moment, as I watch her dance and her face light up.

“Wow. I didn't think I had it in me.” She looks up at me with a grin but I can’t return it as the war of emotions rages on inside of my head. “What is it?” She whispers as worry flashes through her eyes.

“Walk with me?” I say quickly.  I need to get her alone before I change my mind…

I hold her hand and lead her outside onto a secluded balcony, as soon as the door closes all the noise from the gala disappears.

“Something on your mind?” She asks quietly as we walk towards the railing.

“Honestly? I just wanted you to myself for a while. Ever since we got here, the other guests have been swarming around you, drawn to you…” My voice fades as I turn to her, so beautiful in the moonlight. The gold of her gown highlights every single curve that I dream about every night. “Not that I can blame them, especially in that gown.”

“It’s not that special…” She blushes.

“You are what makes it special. You’ve made this whole night special by just being here. It’s like you’ve grown up surrounded by all this. You’re in your element, and you shine.” I shake my head.

“You may think I belong here, and you’re right.” She hesitates for a moment before her emerald eyes shine bright into mine. “I feel like this is where I’m meant to be. By your side. Nowhere else.”

I reach up and rest my hand on her cheek. “I can’t help but wonder if you’re right… like everything that’s happened between us since your interview was fate. And I don’t even believe in fate.” I lean towards her, drawn to her magnetic pull, our lips only a breath away from each other. The smell of champagne is lingering in the air between us and my eyes scan her face, and linger on her pink lips.

“What if someone sees-“ She says breathlessly, her gaze shifting down to the floor.

“I don’t care.”  I place my index finger softly under her chin and lift her eyes to mine. “Right now, all I care about… is you.”

I ignore the alarms going off in my head, warning me to stay away from this beautiful woman, the duty and responsibility mantra that has ruled my life for far too long… I can’t resist her anymore… I don’t want to resist her anymore… she whispers my name, and the sound coming from her lips is all I need to close the gap and press my lips to hers. I part her lips with my tongue and the familiar taste of Ana fills my senses as our kiss builds in intensity.

Her body melts into mine as I pull her tight against me. My lips leave hers as I trail kisses down her neck and my hands find her hips as I pull her even tighter into me.

“Sam…” She moans as her head falls back.

I have completely lost control, as every single part of my body craves every single part of hers. I guide her backwards until she is pressed between my body and the railing, her breathing growing quicker.

I slide my hands down her waist until I feel the slit of her dress on her thigh. I trail my fingers across the soft skin of her inner thigh, her breath hitching in her throat.

“Ana, I want you… but I can’t keep stopping myself. You have to be the strong one here. If this isn’t what you want, tell me to stop now.” My voice husky as my lips graze the shell of her ear. I can feel the desire pulsing through my veins.

“What if I don’t want you to stop?” She presses soft kisses along my jaw until she’s right below my ear.

“Fuck…” I whisper. I pull back as our eyes meet, her eyes burning with desire and I can feel the heat that is coursing through her veins.

“Sam… don’t stop.” Her voice pleading, and any sliver of hope that I might have had as to control myself, is gone.

My lips are on hers again and I wrap my arms around her slender body, relishing in the feel of her. Our kisses deepen. The heady combination of Ana and champagne lingering on her tongue.

“God, you’re perfect…” I whisper against her lips. My hands travel down to the curve of her ass and I pick her up. She takes the clue, and wraps her legs around my hips as I trail kisses down her neck. “Tell me what you imagine when you touch yourself at night, Ana. Do you think of me?”

I grind my hardness against her and her breathing intensifies as her head lulls back.

“I imagine you being my hard, strict boss.” Her eyes are dark as she focuses on me. Oh you naughty little thing…

“I told you that I wanted your panties on my desk by midnight.” I narrow my eyes at her and her breath hitches. I bring my hand up to her hair, threading my fingers through the long brown strands, before I clutch a fistful of it. I pull her head back just enough to expose her neck. “Care to explain why they aren’t there, Miss Ana?”

I bring my mouth to her neck, nipping and licking as she moans against me. With my hand still in her hair, I bring my other hand to the bare skin of her thigh, trailing my fingertips across the sensitive skin. “Or should I skip straight to punishing you?” I growl.

“I’m… sorry…” She says between breaths.

My fingers find her center and I can feel the wetness pooling through her panties. She is completely at my mercy as my fingers dip beneath the delicate lace fabric, stroking her wetness. God, she is soaked for me. “I’m going to have to discipline you for disobeying.”

I remove my hand, giving her peachy ass a quick, sharp slap. She gasps at the contact.

“I can… still get them for you.” She moans.

“It’s too late now. I need the real thing, not just the little piece of fabric you rubbed against all day.” Moans escape her lips as I suck on her throat, desperate to mark her and claim her as mine.

“I dreamed about this, before we met… the night before our interview…” She says breathlessly.

“About us?” I lean back from her slightly and my eyes widen at her admittance.

I watch a smile play on her lips as she snakes her hand down and grabs my cock that is uncomfortably hard in my dress pants.

“This, right here.” She says coyly.

I close my eyes and groan as she strokes her hand up and down my arousal. Fuck, that feels so fucking good.

“Sam, let me touch you.” She whispers in my ear.

“You don’t have to-“

“I want to. I want to feel how much you want me.” Her lips curve up in a smile. Where have you been my whole life?

I set her down on her heels, leaving my hands settled on her waist. She reaches for my belt, and I watch her delicate hands as she unbuckles it quickly and unzips my pants, easing some of the pressure on my cock. She slips her hand inside and my breath hitches in my throat.

“Ana…” I moan. Fuck.

She wraps her hand around my hardness and pumps her hand up and down.

“Is all this for me?” She purrs.

Fuck, yes, beautiful, it’s all for you. “Yes… only for you.”

The soft skin of her hand continues to work up and down and I fight back every urge I have to come right in my pants. This woman is going to unman me.

“Ana, if you don’t stop soon… I’m going to…” I say between breaths.

“Would that be so bad?” Her voice drips with desire as she watches me unravel.

I tighten my grip on her waist as she continues stroking me, her thumb circling around the tip and spreading the moisture around the head.

“Ana…” I warn.

“Sam, I need you. Now.” Her emerald eyes find mine.

My eyes search hers for a moment before I lower myself between her legs, pushing the skirt of her dress up and pushing her panties to the side.

“Finally…” I whisper as her perfect cunt is finally bare before me. I lean in and press my tongue to her warm, bare skin. And her taste is just as sweet as I imagined. She moans as I flick my tongue against her clit. I reach up and press my thumb and her body writhes under my touch. Her hands grab onto my hair and I feel her body tense as she nears the edge.

“Sam, I need…” Her moans fill the silence. Her hands find my shoulders as she urges me closer.

“I need you too.” I lean back and look up, her lips are open as she breathes frantically, her head tipped back. I stand up, reaching behind her to find the zipper to her dress. I pull it down and her dress pools at her feet.

“Hurry.” She whispers. Her fingers push my jacket from my shoulders. Then with shaking fingers she unbuttons and pushes my shirt off.

“So demanding.” I smile as I pull her near naked body into mine. Her eyes roam my chest and my abs and her eyes darken even more. “See something you like?”

“You have no idea.” She smirks. She reaches for my cock again, pumping me. A moan escapes my lips as the pleasure courses through my body.

“Ana… Ana… Ana…” I warn her, you are too damn good with that hand. She lets go and moves my boxers all the way down to my feet. When her eyes finally land on my bare cock, her breath hitches in her throat.

“I had no idea that was the situation we were dealing with. I…” She hesitates.

Oh beautiful girl, you have never been with a real man before, have you?

I reach up and run my thumb across her plump bottom lip and her gaze shifts to mine.

“Trust me, it’s the perfect size.” She takes her bottom lip between her teeth. My fingers travel down to the apex of her thighs as she grinds her hips into my touch.

“Sam… let me serve you.” Her throaty moan escaped her lips as she dropped down to her knees in front of me. Oh my god…

“Ana, you don’t have to-“ But fuck I want you to.

“Don’t you dare try to take this away from me, Sam Dalton.” She looks up at me through her long lashes. My eyes never leave hers as she darts her tongue out and licks the length of my cock. My hands tangle into her hair as she opens her mouth and wraps her pretty pink lips around me.

An instinctual growl escapes my lips as my head falls back. Fuck, your mouth feelsso fucking good. I moan her name and lightly pump her head up and down my length. I can feel myself nearing the edge, and there is no way I am finishing in her mouth. I give her hair a small tug and bring her lips to mine, pinning her against the railing.

“That felt… but I need to be inside you.” My lips brush hers.

I stare into her eyes as she nods her head, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. I lift her into my arms and she wraps her legs around my hips. I can feel the tip of my cock teasing her entrance.

“Ana, are you sure?” My eyes search hers.

“Yes.” She smiles as she pulls our bodies closer together.

I bring my lips to hers and thrust my hips forward, surging into her. Fuck, she is so fucking tight, god I have dreamt of this moment for so goddamn long.

She gasps and her body trembles around me. I pause for a moment before I start moving in and out of her. Her hips start to move with mine and our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces.

“Yes… don’t stop…” She moans, her forehead resting on my shoulder as her breathing increases. Every logical thought goes out of my mind as my body starts to move harder and faster against hers. I feel her fingernails digging into my back as she tightens around me.

“Ana, I’m going to…” I say breathlessly, as my body nears the edge.

“I’m close… so close…” Suddenly, I feel her explode in my arms, her head flying back as a cry escapes her lips. She clenches around me and suddenly I am diving over the cliff with her. I lose myself in her perfect little cunt as she calls out my name and I call out hers.

I hold her close as my heart rate slows. I feel her breath on my neck, and her arms are still wrapped around my shoulders. She picks her head up off of my shoulder and I take that as my cue to softly place her back on her heels.

Wordlessly we both hurry to slip back into our clothes, all of those warnings come rushing back.

What the fuck did you just do…

Damn it, Dalton.

My thoughts are a jumbled mess as I button my shirt and tuck it neatly back into my dress pants.

“So… now what?” Ana breaks the silence as I see her glance over at me.

“I… guess we slip back into the gala?” I have no idea what will happen next...

She smiles softly… “Is that a question?”

“I don’t exactly have a protocol in place for something like this.” I force a smile.

“I hope no one notices.” She bites her lip in uncertainty as she glances at the balcony doors. “We’ve been gone a long time…”

My head starts to spin as the sound of her moans echo in my ear.

Have I completely lost control? This is all just a pipe dream… fantasy…

“Yeah, we should get back in there… back to the real world.” I clear my throat. “I’ll, uh, go in first? We probably shouldn’t walk back in there at the same time.”

“Makes sense… I’ll wait a few minutes.” Her tone is disappointed, but I can’t handle that right now.

I glance at her one last time, giving her a curt nod. I move towards the door, before turning to her one last time. Say something to her, ass hole.

“Ana, I…”

“It’s fine. I’ll be fine. We can talk later.” She turns her back to me and fixes her gaze on the city.

“…Okay. If you’re sure.”

I unlock and open the balcony door, slipping back into the gala. No one spares me a second glance as I make my way back to the table. My head spins as I take a seat.

“Is everything alright, Sam? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

I look up and see my mother giving me a worried look.

I clear my throat. “Yes, yes. I’m fine.” I reach up and straighten my tie, shifting my gaze to my plate.

What the fuck happens next?

[septembriseur]

Snippet of Zemo fic I’m working on as a change of scenery.

The Pashtuns have a story they tell, dating back to the nineteenth century— to the time of the Second Anglo-Afghan War. A girl walks onto a battlefield: not just any battlefield, but a small pass in the mountains. It is distinguished by no notable history, this pass, and with no notable history yet to come. Amidst this breach in the wall of individually-named mountains— Tabal Koh, Torah Shah, and Shah Maksud— two armies mingle. On one side, the turban-hatted tribesmen, barefoot perhaps in their shalwar kameez; and on the other, the empire in their red coats and khaki. 

(He has always enjoyed the way that the English say khaki, inventing an implicit r and in the process rendering it less a color than a state of being. In the Persian it was a color; to be khak-e was to be earth-genitive, dirt-affiliated. But the British: oh, they are so very much feeling khaki.)

The battle, as you might expect, is not exactly even-sided. The turban-wearers are being massacred. And yet onto the field this girl comes— this girl called Malala, this water-bearer, daughter of shepherds, and when she sees that the flag has fallen, she takes the scarf from about her head and waves it to her countrymen as a battle standard. In her own language, she sings a poem of war, a landay, saying: I will take the blood from my lover, who has died for our homeland, and I will wear it upon my forehead as a beauty-mark. 

And, as you might then expect, the Pashtuns won the battle.

Today the story is told with different morals, which we need not delve too deep into: the strength of women, the glory of Afghanistan. Ask a Pashtun, however, and he may tell you that you have misunderstood the story entirely. Only in Pashtu could Malala have made such a cry, and it was by the secret power of this language that she rallied the people of Maiwand. That power remains within the words now, though quiescent. You can feel it with each pronunciation, in the bones of your teeth. Try.

***

These days, Zemo speaks English, although he reads in French and German— sometimes Russian, if he’s feeling particularly full of vim. When James Barnes visited him in the prison, it had been four hundred and eighty-five days since he spoke the Sokovian language. He was surprised, following his escape from the prison, by how naturally it came to his lips, and then disturbed to find it recurring without his permission. He would search for a Russian word, and find the Sokovian word there instead. Phrases disarticulated themselves and reassembled in podge-hodge chunks of polyglottism. Dayte mi le knigu. Hast du li videl’ mokh ami?

He feels out of control, no longer practiced at wrangling the storm of undercurrents that run seething, awaiting the moment to reassert themselves again. 

***

It’s easier reassuming the role of baron. And when Zemo welcomes his new companions into his automotive collection, his personal jet, the Avenger (Wilson) looks at him with intermingled disgust and envy. Zemo wonders what Wilson knows about growing up in a place synonymous with war zone, a place that can be, with such indifference, wiped from the map. Perhaps: a bit. Perhaps he knows the precarity of the rat that strains against the limits of its rat-world; the alacrity with which it will climb atop the backs of other rats. Perhaps he knows enough to have some measure of admiration for the nimble and swift acrobatics involved in becoming the king rat. 

His family’s title has been meaningless since 1939. His grandparents and great-grandparents were shiftless and malcontent exiles before that, drifting about the upscale resorts of Europe, racking up some truly aristocratic bills on credit and mysteriously vanishing as part of their exotic-Ottoman act. Only after they’d been stripped of their status did they settle down to make some money: who better to sell you some exceptionally dodgy artifacts than an exceptionally dodgy artifact? He wonders sometimes how many of Sokovia’s Thracian tombs and medieval churches had their treasures pried loose at his grandfather’s hand.

Better, perhaps, that the art survived, he supposes. Given—

See, a man can justify anything. This is his great skill. Imagine the elaborate artifices, or perhaps edifices is the word he intended to have chosen, the high structures he constructs for himself to pretend that he has escaped the land of rats at last.

***

He likes Barnes, and not just with the noblesse oblige that his family, fantastically gifted at speaking in one way and acting in another, took care to drill into him. He likes Barnes because it’s instructive to observe his struggle: here is a man who was a men among men, and now he is not a man any longer, and he thinks this means he can no longer live in the land of men. You can see it on his face, a haunted look, as though the world has invented a new kind of pain just for him. 

Zemo knows him better, perhaps, than anyone has ever known him. Better than he perhaps knows himself. Every video, where video footage exists: Zemo has seen it. Every audio recording of a sound that the Winter Soldier made. 

(What Zemo would confess to an interviewer, if one asked: in all honesty, it becomes rather boring, consuming repeated acts of violence. One person dying looks much like another, and any honest soldier will say so. After a time, you find yourself skipping past the screams and gurgling. You are irritated with how long it takes them to die. With torture, the same: how many times can Barnes’s face achieve the same contortions? Must they use the electricity over and over? Haven’t they a creative bone between them? Zemo knows, of course, that the monotony itself is an aspect of the torture. And, too, it’s useful for the torturers: past a certain point, not only habit but an exhaustion of the empathy sets in. Still, something in him rebels, perhaps his last moral instinct. Yes, it’s true, his boredom is moral! He would like to believe so. Do what you’re going to do, he thinks, but for fuck’s sake don’t make it commonplace.)

He’s even watched the tapes of Barnes’s earliest therapy sessions— not his deprogramming, in Wakanda, where Zemo had failed, to his frustration, to find an in from his prison, but the psychotherapy that followed his return to the United States. The sessions made for quite compelling viewing; in his earliest days of isolation, they obsessed him. Barnes was a ragged, still-feral creature in them. He was prone to prolonged and uncomfortable bouts of silence. It took him a long time to find language. When asked to reflect on this, he sat for a long time without speaking. Zemo can picture him now: oddly soft-edged where he hunched in the oversized armchair, pulling the sleeves of his jumper over his fingers. He had lost a dramatic amount of weight, and his face looked haunted, but he had not yet cut his hair.

“Maybe there are words for what I want to say,” Barnes said, “but don’t know ’em. I don’t know how you would learn ’em. So everything has to be translated. You know? Or— not even translated. It’s like I’m the first person who’s ever had to say it. I’ve got to find the right shape cookie cutter to show you. The right…sharpness.” His metal fingers twitched. Zemo liked to think that he was looking for a knife. 

A knife was a cookie cutter that was always the right shape cookie cutter.

In that moment, watching, Zemo had wished too for a knife. Not because he did not know the borders or form of his response, his reminiscence, but out of outrage at the very authenticity of Barnes’s speechlessness. How, Zemo thought, do you not know the words? 

He had thought that everyone possessed this secret language, though you did not reveal your fluency in it, at least not in polite company. No wonder Barnes is so unmade. He has passed the age when one acquires such skill through sudden immersion.

(He himself experienced, perhaps, the opposite form of immersion. His childhood between the wars was sheltered by privilege, he knew only that any persons could vanish without warning, and that you would hear, later, hushed whispers when their bodies were found: exegesis of the marks from a which a saga of pain could be inferred. Then came age nine, and the daring, unprecedented separatist attack on his prestigious lycée. The wet red flesh of a classmate; the smeared trajectory of a body sketched out where a child had collapsed against a wall. His parents said, This Is No Place For a Child. In a month’s time he was living comfortably in Switzerland, Hong Kong, Madripoor, places that were For a Child. He spoke French, German, and English. In time, he came to associate the Sokovian language with that other language of his childhood: fear and grief. He thought less of his classmates because they were ignorant of these languages, acquired a kind of hauteur about it— at the same time as he understood, on some childish level that resisted penetration, how his expertise was the source of a morbid, drenching shame. )

Perhaps there is a kinship that comes between two men who speak the same language. In Madripoor, he feels it, as he caresses Barnes’s body and detects no flinch. An almost sexual pull there, maybe. Dangerous; electric. 

Does Barnes know that Zemo plans to kill him at the conclusion of this escapade?

Difficult to guess. 

[cargopantsman]

Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here

Trigger warnings: All of them, because I am lazy. Also none of this is sensical.

Utter, hyper-caffeinated brain noise.

The problem with the concept of a "sense of self" is it already tries to concretize an amorphous abstract. It makes us want to point at some thing and say "Well... that's me." Whether it is a set of ideals that we try to live by, a set of activities that brings us a sense of joy or fulfillment, or, gods forbid, and entirely different and other person that "completes us."

I've always had an affinity for trickster figures and shapeshifters. The wearers of masks, the truthful liars, the artisans of duality, yada, yada. Since I was a child my first instinct has always been to blend in. If into the background, great, but if need be, if I needed to blend into the social fabric around me, I could do that too. To throw this into the high school backdrop; I wasn't a social butterfly, I was shy as could be, but I got along with the jocks, the goths, the nerds, the art freaks, the band kids, the preps, the whatever. Where ever I was I could fake that I belonged there. I was comfortable drifting in between worlds. (Looking back, I could have caused a lot more chaos with the information I was privy to at the time...[Oh, there's a constant point. I'm good at keeping secrets, keeping confidence. I'll lie my ass off to keep a secret.]) Does any of that really help drive a sense of self though? When your natural instinct is to mirror, to blend, to fade? When your point of pride is walking into a room unnoticed and, even better, leaving a party unseen? Does being a ghost count as an identity?

"Expression of Will" comes to mind... what does that mean? Ok, so some abstract thing is inside of you and you manifest it objectly outwardly. I was an artist. I made images in my head and "kind of" manifest them on paper. Some times people see that paper...  I was a writer... images in my head "became" words and some people saw that. I combined them into comics. Some people Saw that. Is that a lasting affect? Maybe the fights I've been into?! That time in 2nd grade someone was picking on a friend and I laid them out... the time in 8th grade someone was picking on me and clocked them down. Or in high school when someone decided to start some rumors and I held them up by their throat in the air until they turned blue? That was an inward thing that manifested outwardly. Nevermind good or bad, but was any of that... me?

Hmm. The beast. The primal... come back to that later.

"Expression of Will," "Expression of Will," "Expression of Will" ... What the fuck even is "Will"? Is this why philosophers get their heads so far up their ass? Is it a desire? The will to live.... living requires eating and the amount of times I forget to even do that... Maybe been looking at the phrase all wrong...

Will to Live (noun) It isn't a thing.

Will (verb) to (preposition) Live (verb)

Why does that sound better?

Desire to Live (noun)

Desire (verb) to (preposition) Live (verb)

Okay, that feels better even, but still... Sense of self, will, desire, expressions thereof. Are these just the aimless desires and wills? The fleeting flights of frivolous fancies festering forlornly in frontal cortices?

The self with the will can direct the desires towards living. "Get in the fucking robot Shinji!" "I don't wanna"

The (ghost) with the (strength) can direct the (impulses) towards (being). Getting too close to a concept of a soul on that one huh?

Forget self. It's a useless moniker right now. There is no self. It's just this mind alone for the first time in its entire life. (Not alone alone, there are friends, but they've learned more about me in the past two weeks than the past 6 years so...) "What did they learn?" asked the projection of self that defines itself by interactions with other.

I thought we were forgetting self.... not an option really. Sentience is a bitch like that. But they've learned I'll put up with a lot of bullshit under the guise of strength and integrity when I should've callously called this whole thing ages ago. That I can shut myself down completely in the interest of bodily-self preservation. (Not Self-self preservation, fuck the English language). What did I sacrifice? What did I shut down?

Everything.

That is less than helpful.

The Beast. Vince. Your Shadow.

My Shadow...

What do you desire?

Blood in the cut, tears in their eyes, power over someone that wants that power over them...

Do you want that? I don't want it, I just need it. No... I want it.

Is that all you are? A sadist? An animal?

Maybe... probably not though. A caretaker, and a sparring partner. A trickster and a shapeshifter. A crafter whose tools are destruction.

Next problem, grandeur. Mythologizing everything. But how to see a thing if you don't blow it up/magnify it?

You lack a sense of self because no one ever tested your sense of self. No one actually fought you for who you are. To find out who you are. The ex didn't. An old friend did until she got scared by what she found there.

You don't want to be yourself because it's not nice is it? You were raised to be nice.

College. I controlled the group. Never hit anyone after high school aside from set matches in classes or sparring for funsies. They all saw my eyes and stopped if they were getting out of hand.

The Dom-Friend.

Don't use the d-word on me.

Destroyer? Yeah, that one's fine. That one fits. He says as he carelessly tosses lit matches around his entire life. Can we bring up the phoenix or is that too grandiose? Why shouldn't it be grandiose? We spend every day of our lives going through the same kind of tedious bullshit all the time why not make our inner lives a bit bigger, a bit richer?

A bit darker.

Why do you want them to bleed? Hurt and comfort. That's a big theme, a trope if you will. Why not have both at the same? Why not let her think that I'm about to kill her but let her rest in the trust that I won't? Why not let me think that I'm about to break her while believing she is the most precious thing in the world?

Caretaker. A caretaker kills all the time. Tearing out weeds, uprooting the prized plant to move it to a better place for its growth.

Growth.

The self isn't going to be found just in ones self... not in another either. No, the self has to be found in everything. The things one wants to run to and run from. The soul (oops) is formed by what it crashes into right? The mind recoils from traumas races towards panaceas, why not, if one can, flip the polarity on the two. Bring the darkness screaming into the light so you can see it, bring the light quivering into the darkness so it can loose its terrifying brillance. Balance in all things right?

You're not a very positive person, they say. No... I'm not. It lashes out in bad ways sometimes, sure. Control, control, you must learn control. But being negative isn't bad. Not if you can grow from it. No plant can survive the sun for 24 hours. Trees sleep in the winter. We sleep, we heal, we grow.

Self-Destruction!! That's a fun one... seven fucking months downing a bottle of whisky a night. Whooo boy. Do Not Recommend.

Got a nice stay in the underworld though and trudged up a lot of shit. Now I'm sitting here with my ears ringing because I finally hit the personal limit on Monsters and my brain is overclocked enough I can finally see shit at 4 angles at the same time. I am a god damned quantum supercomputer of emotions right now.

Faith and faithlessness are the same thing. Have faith, trust the future, don't expect anything, don't plan your now for your future. Sounds sadly like live in the moment type bullshit, but life is weird and people are complex. Shifting drifting clueless animals that want to be safe but don't want to get stuck in anothers arms even when there is one whose arms are so safe.

The damage runs deep... and two people with damage running that deep. Hmm. How much healing can falling do? The other just puts a bandage over a puncture wound and both try to ignore it, but then the blood gets pumping, the heart pounds and poisons surge to the surface. It's neither one's fault really. Life is a trial of knives and we don't always have time or concern to tend the wounds properly. There's always something else that needs to be taken care of first.

Divorce is a helluva drug. It is maddening, the freedom to finally to be yourself is line having the lineart stripped off, there is a terrifying infinity in front of you and the only thing to do for awhile is melt. Let the slings and arrows just pierce and sink in. Anyone else tries to push the sludge of you into a shape might get hurt when they find the arrows. I want to go absolutely feral in a way. In a way the whole COVID mess is keeping me under lock and key so I'm just prowling around the empty house like I always have been, but now there's some sense... of purpose.

I'm raging against any depression, the executive dysfunction is going to have a talking to. The sense of self is going to be found in stripping this house down to bare walls and making a blank canvas. Bring everything down, ruin it all, start again.

My self is emptiness, it always has been. I can be anything, but I should be wary of ever wanting to be something. (My career options are AWESOME). But this is a different emptiness than before. Before I pulled the trigger and splattered the brains of the marriage across the floor I was just a void, and inky black pit of nothingness. Somehow, having the Shadow rise up and finally start getting along with the rest of me, the emptiness isn't.... void. It's just nascent possibility and that shouldn't scare me.

It does, of course, terrify me. First time in 40 years being legitimately alone is terrifying, should have done this kinda thing when I was 20, but... I was an idiot back then (60 year old me laughs from the future). But I think I can get a grip on the concept that "I" don't exist, but I'm real... ever changing ever dynamic, not who I was while I was married, but a mix of the me before, a angry beast now, and something yet unseen in the future.