#lantsov!reader

[stray-kaz]

Little Lantsov : a Jesper Fahey x Lantsov!reader oneshot

Summary: Nikolai’s little sister trips headfirst for a rogue.

Index: Zaya is Russian for “female rabbit”. Nikolai essentially calls his little sister “bunny”.

You watched the two bound and seated criminals from the shadows, hidden from view by your brother’s broad shoulders and big boots. At least, you were hidden until Dreesen and the rest of his men exited the room and Nikolai stepped forward into the light, always at ease no matter where he found himself. You envied him that.

Two pairs of eyes raked over you, the warmer brown ones lingering on your face. He shifted on his seat, mouth twisting in frustration when he found he couldn’t actually move. He jerked his head towards you instead, mostly tuning out your brother’s prattle.

“Who’s the girl?” he asked. “Too pretty to be a pirate, isn’t she?”

You blushed and grinned at him in spite of the situation. Nikolai glanced over his shoulder at you, saw your grin and rolled his eyes.

“She is my sister” he said. “And it’s privateer, not pirate, thief.”

Dark raised eyebrows and a flashy smile.

“You were paying?” he retorted.

You snorted and Nikolai turned back to glower at you.

“Sniggering like a schoolgirl is no way to behave at a business meeting, zaya.”

You blinked at him, pushed away from the wall and gestured between him and the other two men.

“Is that what this is?” you asked. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise this is what a business meeting looked like, brother.”

The Zemeni man, your brother had told you his name was Jesper, swallowed another smile, while the fair skinned man, Kaz, watched you with the unmoving eyes of a snake about to strike.

“My baby sister needs some real life experience” Nikolai said heavily. “So here she is. Getting in the way, as usual.”

You fought the urge to poke out your tongue and, eyes on your brother, walked around behind Jesper’s chair. He craned his neck around to see you, tensing slightly when he felt your fingers brush across the cuffs biting into his wrists.

Kaz was looking stonily up towards Nikolai, sharp gaze roving his face. He indicated you with a brief toss of his head.

“Your baby sister is Ravka’s little tsaritsa?” he asked pointedly.

Nikolai froze where he stood, his eyes the only things moving as they roamed to find you bent behind Jesper. You were still as a statue there, and he was wincing as your fingertips pressed harder and harder into his wrists, threatening to dig through to his pulses. Kaz sighed.

“You people always underestimate me” he said, shaking his cuffs off and standing up. “Her face is everywhere in Ketterdam. The queen’s favoured only daughter. Jesper, you should really open your eyes more.”

Jesper frowned and shook his wrists a little. The movement brought you out of your stillness and you made quick work of the cuffs, inserting and twisting the tiny key Nikolai had given you as an extra precaution. You tossed it onto the floor and Jesper rose to his full height, turning to look down at you with a half smile.

“Thanks, little Lantsov” he said, tipping his hat to you with a wink.

You rolled your eyes and folded your arms. He looked you up and down, slow, and you felt the blush creep back into your cheeks.

“I’ve seen the posters, Kaz” he said, still looking at you. “But she’s much prettier in person.”

Nikolai scowled and Kaz rolled his eyes. Jesper wasn’t done.

“The royal artist really doesn’t do her justice” he continued, grinning widely. “Heard enough, privateer?”

Nikolai snorted, sounding remarkably similar to you.

“You have no idea” he replied, but there was a tiny smile under it all. “What do you want in exchange for keeping her secret? Anything in my power I will give.”

You glanced at him, a little shocked. You were not so sure it was wise to enter an unknown wager with Kaz Brekker, bastard of the Barrel. But Kaz merely shrugged.

“I just want out of this room and to never see Dreesen again. Don’t hurt me, I won’t hurt you. And by the way, Alina and her tracker are en route to Novyi Zem” he said calmly. 

He passed by Nikolai on his way to the door, the shouts of the Stadwatch echoing outside. The two men locked eyes and Kaz smiled slowly.

“You owe me a favour now, Sturmhond” he said.

Nikolai’s shoulders stiffened.

“What is it?” he demanded.

Kaz shrugged, his gaze flicking back to Jesper, who was enjoying himself making you blush again and again.

“I haven’t made up my mind on that yet” he murmured. “You’ll be the first to know when I do. Jesper! Stop flirting and come with me. We have names to clear.”

Jesper gently gripped your hand and raised it to his lips, brushing a soft kiss across the back of it. You met his gaze as he smiled at you.

“Lovely to make your acquaintance, little Lantsov” he said quietly. “May we meet again.”

You stared at his back as he loped after Kaz into the hallway, heat covering the back of your hand. You didn’t notice your brother had moved until he draped an arm over your shoulders.

“You’ve got a mind of your own, zaya, and well I know it. But that man will break your heart if you put it in his hands.”

You sighed and leaned your head against him, not saying a word.

Weeks later, you had just finished dressing for your brother’s Post War Ball, when there was a knock on your bedroom door. You crossed the room to unlock it, swinging it open to reveal Jesper Fahey on the other side. He was dressed in head to toe black and red tartan, other than the bright purple ribbon on his hat. He smiled as he appraised you, warm eyes running up and down your body.

“We match” he said, gesturing at your dress.

You looked down to notice your gown was the exact shade of purple as his hat ribbon. You glanced up at his face again to see him grinning.

“My brother told you what I was wearing, didn’t he?” you asked, unsuccessfully hiding your own smile.

Jesper nodded and stepped forward out of the doorway. You toyed with your hair and smoothed your palms down your stomach, chest hitching a little as he came closer.

“Nikolai told me you helped save his life” you said, slightly breathless and voice soft. “Thank you, Jes -”

You didn’t get all the words out before he was kissing you, warm and unexpected, heat rising in your cheeks. Jesper pulled away just a hair’s breadth.

“You’re welcome, little Lantsov” he breathed against your lips. “If you lose any more family members, you’ll be all alone on that throne.”

All you had to do was tilt your head the slightest and your mouth grazed his again, your noses bumping, chest rising and falling against his. He slid his hands down your back, searching for purchase on the slip of your gown. Your heart hammered; you were sure he could feel it.

“Did you want to dance?” Jesper asked suddenly, breaking away and staring down at you with wide eyes, his hat now askew.

You nodded, biting your bottom lip.

“Yes, why?”

He took your hand and pulled you to the still open door; you realised then that anyone could have walked past and seen you in a compromising position with a virtual stranger.

“Then we should go to the ball” he told you, glancing over his shoulder with a wink. “Or we’ll end up doing something else less upright and upstanding.”

He grinned as your face flooded with colour.

“You look a little flushed, love” he teased warmly. “Come on.”

You closed your eyes and followed him, your hand warm in his and somehow confident he would not lead you astray.

Nikolai watched you dance with Jesper from the royal dais at the top end of the ballroom, a faint smile ghosting his lips. Maybe he’d been wrong about the Crow, but whether or not he was, you had a mind of your own and would never be told. He watched Jesper spin you, the tips of your fingers touching his and then your chests colliding as he pulled you back in, the two of you making a striking pair in bold colours.

Tatiana pursed her lips in disdain as she, too, watched her only daughter, her youngest child, dancing with a thug. He was wearing guns at his hips, for goodness’ sake. He couldn’t even take them off for a ball? And that Zemeni’s hands were getting too close to private places on her daughter’s body.

Nikolai could feel his mother’s withering stare on the side of his face before she even started to speak. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes.

“Just say it, Mother” he said, repressing a groan. “I know you have been watching little zaya dance with Jesper.”

“Your sister should not be dancing with that man. He is a thief, a vagabond.”

Nikolai rolled his eyes.

“Mother, that vagabond helped win the battle. He helped save my life, he and the other Crows. He has earned a dance with your daughter.”

Tatiana pinned him with a shrewd look.

“Look at him, sobachka. He wants more than a dance with her. Go and warn him off.”

Nikolai stood with a quiet groan, his injuries still causing him pain whenever he moved. He stepped off the dais with the aid of a cane and made his way across the dance floor to reach his sister and her dance partner.

Jesper saw him coming first and spun you to face him, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind and swaying you side to side.

“Am I in trouble?” he asked, gazing over your head to the queen perched on the dais.

Nikolai leaned on the cane and nodded, twisting his face purposefully into a rictus of fury. You watched with mild intrigue as he pretended to chastise you, pulling all the right faces while he asked entirely unrelated questions.

“Has there been any word from Inej?” he asked, glaring at Jesper.

Jesper struggled to keep a straight face as he answered.

“Not yet” he replied. “But she only recently left, so it’s not surprising, really.”

Nikolai nodded, flicking his glower to you and back again.

“And how is Kaz?” he asked. “Is he absolutely insufferable without her?”

Jesper shrugged, propping his chin down on your head.

“He’s less fun than usual, but that isn’t saying much. He’s not fun to begin with.”

Nikolai nodded slowly.

“What are your intentions with my sister?”

Jesper hid his grin in the side of your neck, pressing a kiss to your skin before he answered.

“Entirely dishonourable, your highness.”

Nikolai snorted and started to turn away.

“Just no illegitimate babies, you hear me?” he said firmly. “One’s enough, Fahey.”

You stared up at your older brother with widened eyes; had he really just released his biggest secret to a thief? But when you looked back up at Jesper, his expression was calm and he dropped you a wink.

“Don’t worry, little Lantsov” he murmured to you. “I won’t be responsible for you losing another one of your brothers. My condolences for Vasily, by the way. I’m sorry for your loss.”

You snorted.

“You can be sorry” you told him. “I’m not. He was a pig, that brother. Truly awful. Always beating on me and threatening to reveal Nikolai’s real parentage. We only ever had each other.”

Jesper spun you around to face him and gaped at you, shocked.

“Your brother beat you?” he demanded, brown eyes furious.

You waved it off.

“He’s dead now” you said carelessly. “I don’t have to worry about him anymore.”

Jesper cupped your face in his hands, leaned down and pressed his lips to yours gently, carefully. When he stopped and stood back, the breath was caught in your throat and your eyelashes were fluttering. He smiled at you, but the smile had a tinge of sadness to it.

“I’m sorry I won’t be sticking around” he said quietly. “I wish I was.”

You stood and gazed at one another in the middle of the dance floor, others moving and parting around you, staring, wondering. 

At last, you shrugged, a tiny smile creeping onto your lips.

“Well, we still have tonight.”

Jesper’s smile now mirrored yours.

“You’re certain of that, little Lantsov?”

You smacked his chest and he clutched at his heart, feigning a mortal wound.

“Quit calling me that” you muttered, glowering slightly. “I am not a child.”

Jesper smiled slowly at you and a different sort of warmth bloomed in your chest, working its way down.

“No, you are not” he murmured. 

You reached for his hands and tugged your fingers in between his. He watched your eyes with an intensity you had never known before. You inhaled and spoke.

“Shall we go and be a little less upright and upstanding?”

No pressure tag: @writingmysanity​

[happyhauntt]

— march fic recs, brought to you by happyhauntt.

a wee fic rec post for a few of the fics i read in march that altered my brain chemistry!! i've put a lil comment next to each rec because honestly writers don't get praised enough for their work these days and i wanted to show my appreciation for these talented souls!!

grishaverse.

➡ kaz brekker.

what do you want from me by @rubysunnday. notes: literally perfect wtf.

dark days by rubysunnday. notes: i reread this literally constantly, it is so perfect, kaz's characterisation is perfect, i adore it.

bloody hands by rubysunnday. notes: i devoured this whole thing like a starving person it was sO good.

when am i gonna lose you? by @crowsmybeloveds. notes: this is so beautiful honestly i have no words.

the lost princess by @ellewritesalright. notes: look it's only part one but elle is a fucking wizard and i'm a sucker for an anastasia au.

you and me (a whole lot of history) by @heliads. notes: this was so cute and such a clever concept i fell in love!!!

schat by @amourology. notes: fully choked this is so adorable.

soulmate by @magpiencrow. notes: KAZ BREKKER SOULMATE AU didn't know i needed this but now i need 100 more!!!!

➡ nikolai lantsov.

nine long years series by @ellewritesalright. notes: i am actively fucking screaming over this fic. i will never stop. this might genuinely be the best thing i've read in a LONG while. everything about it has me sobbing i actively CANNOT COPE. and it's not even finished yet.

one of us by @songofpatrochilless. notes: literally had me sobbing you don't understand the domesticity of it all!!!!!.

come on back to me by @atlabeth. notes: there is a very strong chance that i'll literally never stop screaming about this fic.

dreams of you by @wh0refornikolailantsov. notes: every cell in my body is SCREAMING.

this love by @lantsovsupremacist. notes: did not, in fact, give you permission to hurt me like this do it again.

salt in the wound by @in-my-feels-probably. notes: brain goes brrrr this has everything i need to survive tbh.

wanting was enough by @rubysunnday. notes: beautiful stunning magnificent i want to eat it.

an exhausted smile by @writing-havoc. notes: think i had an aneurysm reading this it was that amazing.

run away with me by @sumsebien. notes: i am still sobbing over this.

in emerald hearts, emerald minds by @undiscovered-horizon. notes: love love love love love. there aren't enough words in any language to describe how much i love this.

➡ alina starkov.

alina starkov x reader by @heliads. notes: alina does not get nearly enough love and this was so fucking sad and cute and brilliant.

➡ nina zenik.

the ten steps to 'i love you' by @sophierequests. notes: this was SO HEARTWARMING AND SWEET i adored it!!!

➡ zoya nazyalensky.

forget-me-nots by @syllvane. notes: not enough zoya fics on this hellsite. but also this ripped my heart out and made me sob so RUDE. i feel devastated.

➡ inej ghafa.

inej ghafa x reader by @heliads. notes: INEJ MY SWEET BABY, this fic is everything to me. everything. and it's so beautifully written!!!

➡ the darkling.

the dark side of the moon series by @myhairpintrigger. notes: this fic is ASTOUNDING. i haven’t cried this much reading something in a long time. i was FULL-BODY SOBBING. i don’t even like the darkling. i am Not a darkling girlie. but i was intrigued by concept of this fic and i can safely say it has ruined my life. this is Emotional Damage Incarnate. i will never recover. author, i salute you.

911.

through the smoke by @borntobewondering. notes: spent twenty whole minutes sobbing after reading this. i felt undone i felt hollow i felt so utterly fucked. author is a genius and that's all there is to say.

not so one night stand by @shmaptainwrites. notes: this was so fuckin adorable i'm in love.

d.c. to l.a. by shmaptainwrites. notes: bobby my guy just doesn't get enough fucking credit and this is so fucking adorable.

criminal minds.

➡ spencer reid.

trouble almost all my life by @januaryembrs. notes: this series is. it's literally. everything. i love bugsy like she's my own child. sister relationships are everything to me. i spent an hour sobbing in my bed over parts 2 and 3. i want this tattooed on my forehead.

➡ aaron hotchner.

found by @benedictscanvas. notes: DADDY i mean what. all jokes aside this was so sweet and beautiful and i'm in love the writing!!!

doctor who.

rage rage (against the dying of the light) by @morganas-pendragons. notes: felt feral after reading this. kayla just gets me in my feels every time.

heartbeat by morganas-pendragons. notes: this was the most emotional devastating thing i've ever read and i fully needed 3-5 business days to recover. rude. i want 100 more.

untitled by morganas-pendragons. notes: PAIN i love this so much.

ache by morganas-pendragons. notes: just scoop my heart out of my fucking chest i don't want it anymore after reading this.

a mind full of blissful terrors by @magiccath. notes: simply fucking amazing.

light in the dark by @i-imagine-my-doctor. notes: screaming please i adore this so much.

baby talk by @kisstherainwriting. notes: THE ABSOLUTE CUTIEST EVER. there's not enough clara fics and this had me squealing and feeling all warm and fuzzy!!!

holding my hand by kisstherainwriting. notes: angst galore this was STUNNING.

in another's eyes by @cas-kingdom. notes: PERFECTION.

where do we go now series by @theetherealbloom. notes: literally so fucking amazing i don't have enough words.

marauders.

the winner takes it all by @ellecdc. notes: brb faye is having a STROKE--

come back, be here series by ellecdc. notes: i think i had a full on stroke while reading this series. the attention to detail is insane. the characterisation is perfect.

i don't know you anymore (maybe i never really did) by @thenyoumightaswellwrestleangels. notes: SCREECHING i'm in love you don't understand.

bridgerton.

➡ anthony bridgerton.

distractions by @peterpparkrr. notes: simply immaculate.

right person, all the wrong times by @wwinterwitch. notes: did you mean one of my favourite tropes bc this is it.

right in front of me by @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 & @thirteenisles. notes: i felt feral after reading this tbh.

➡ sibling!reader.

reluctant caretaker by @rubysunnday. notes: this fic hit my heart in all the right places okay sibling stuff means everything to me.

did she have a cookie by rubysunnday. notes: a joyous read from start to finish i CACKLED the whole way through.

moon knight.

come back to me by @mgparker. notes: still sobbing. immaculate.

the other sarcophagus by @starryevermore. notes: i literally reread this constantly i adore it so much!!

marc spector x reader by @softlyspector. notes: i had an aneurysm reading this and i haven't been the same since.

more marc spector x reader by softlyspector. notes: i am having an intense emotion hold on. anytime i see autistic stuff in canon content for any fandom i SQUEAK. and this is so well done honestly.

star wars.

heartless by @youvebeenlivingfictional. notes: i reread this constantly, it's so amazing and heartwrenching and beautiful and i want to eat it.

little talks by @light-yaers. notes: you simply do not understand how much i adore everything beff writes. i adore this fic more than i need oxygen to breathe.

right where you left me series by light-yaers. notes: personality-defining series. i LIVE for this fic. every update adds five years to my lifespan. if you're not reading this you are MISSING OUT.

a light, a song, a bluebird by @millllenniawrites. notes: made me SOB 10/10 would recommend if you like emotional trauma.

invisible string by @campingwiththecharmings. notes: pining!!! loneliness!!! i adore!!!

hard landings by @softlyspector. notes: no. no you don't understand. this fic doesn't just own my soul it is my soul. i want it tattooed on my face.

misc.

hopper x reader by @luveline. notes: you don't understand this might be the cutest shit i've ever read and jade is a fellow welsh person which automatically makes them brilliant in my book.

muña by @in-my-feels-probably. notes: alicent means fucking everything to me and this had me sobbing.

mistletoe magic by @writingsbychlo. notes: literally the cutest fucking thing ever, had me kicking my legs and squealing!!

[atlabeth]

mine forever

request from @nghtwngs

pairing: nikolai lantsov x fem!tidemaker reader

a/n: SO sorry for posting this early and having to delete 💀 i was formatting and didnt realize i was not saving it as a draft lmao. but thank you for sending this in love!!! and PLEASEE send in as much nikolai as you want i miss writing for him so much

wc: 1.4k

warning(s): hurt/comfort. reader is insecure, nikolai is the sweetest as usual

join in on my 3k celebration!!

“You’re avoiding me.” 

Your eyes didn’t move away from the horizon when you heard Nikolai’s voice, though you felt your muscles tense. 

“Clearly not well enough,” you remarked. “Seeing as you found me.” 

“You know I’ll always find you,” Nikolai murmured. “But that means little if you will not talk to me.” 

Of course you were not talking to him. You did not know how to talk to him—not when you so clearly didn’t understand the issue plaguing you. 

All you’d ever known was the life of a Grisha. You were tested when you were young, revealed to be a Tidemaker, and whisked away to the Little Palace, where you’d been honing your abilities ever since. You rebelled against the one thing you knew, joined the side of the Sun Summoner, and now you were in the midst of a war for the very survival of your people. 

There were so few Tidemakers left after the Darkling’s massacre, which meant Alina and Nikolai were counting on you more than ever in their fight to reclaim Ravka. 

But when you needed your powers most, they disappeared. 

You— you just didn’t understand, because it didn’t make sense. You’d spent years studying the Small Science and how to wield it, how to manipulate the water around you no matter how miniscule. 

This was not merzost. You had never tampered with the way of the world, never attempted to bastardize the abilities you’d been granted.

Like called to like. There was a part of you that connected to the water, that allowed you the affinity for all of this.  

You had just… lost it. For no apparent reason. 

“There is nothing to talk about,” you stated simply. The cold of the railing shocked your fingers as you set your hand down, but you welcomed any sort of feeling. 

“Do not be ridiculous,” Nikolai said wryly. He came out onto the balcony and stopped beside you. You could see him looking at you through your peripherals, could feel his intent gaze. “Nobody avoids me unless they have a reason.”

You huffed a bitter laugh. “I certainly have a reason, moi tsarevich.”

“So we’ve gone back to titles?” Nikolai’s lips quirked up. “Shall I start referring to you as Grisha? Tidemaker, even?”

You scoffed. “That would be inaccurate.”

“Ah,” he nodded. “We’ve reached the root of the problem.”

“We hardly did anything,” you said. “Do you talk just to hear the sound of your own voice?”

“I do, as a matter of fact,” Nikolai said. “But you should know your scornful words have no effect when I’m aware of your true feelings.”

“If you are aware of my true feelings, you should know I would like to be left alone.” 

“You want to be left alone because you feel useless without your power,” he said. “Any man worth their salt would not fall to that, and fortunately, I’m worth quite a lot.” 

You finally turned to look at Nikolai, though you could not muster the full force of your anger when you did. He had that slight smile still, the glint in his eyes, and all you could think was that you didn't even deserve this kindness. 

“Because I am,” you said. 

He shook his head. “You are not. Far from useless, actually.” 

“You served in the First Army, didn’t you?” 

“I hardly see how that’s relevant—” 

“Just answer my question.” 

“...Yes,” he said. “I was infantry. The 22nd Regiment.” 

“And if you had lost the ability to shoot a gun, would you be allowed to stay on the front lines?” 

Nikolai shook his head. “I will not participate in hypotheticals to help you feel worse.” 

“Because you know it’s true.” You looked back out at the horizon—the sun was steadily setting. “I have no place here anymore.” 

He said your name with a slight huff. “That is not true.” 

“I’m not Grisha anymore!” you exclaimed as you whirled back to face him. “The only reason I have ever gotten anywhere— the only reason I am here, the only reason I ever met you in the first place— it is all because of my power.” You pulled your jacket tighter around yourself in the wake of a cold wind. The material was noticeably thinner than your kefta, but you could not bring yourself to wear it anymore. “I’m useless now. To— to Ravka, to the Second Army— to you.” 

His brows furrowed. “You are not useless to Ravka— and you could never be useless to me.” You averted your eyes, unable to meet the full weight of his softened gaze, and his frown deepened. “That’s what this is about then? 

“Don’t act like it’s so ridiculous,” you muttered. 

Nikolai had the nerve to laugh, and you glared at him. He held up his hands in defense, but he could not fully bite back his smile. 

“I apologize, lapushka, but I did not even consider that as an option for why you were so upset.” 

Nikolai took your hands in his, hands that had been the key to your power the entire life, that were failing you, and he held them like nothing else in the world mattered. “Do you know how absurd the thought of me not loving you is?” 

You glanced away, but Nikolai gently cupped your chin with a few fingers and tilted you back to meet his eyes. 

“Because it is,” he continued, letting his hand fall back down to grasp yours. “I love you with everything in me. I love you because you are you—not because of your powers. Not because you are Grisha.” 

“Who am I if I am not Grisha?” Your voice came out as little more than a whisper, near a desperate plea. You’d never felt weaker, never felt smaller. The only thing you’d known all your life had been ripped away from you, and you felt as if you’d been shoved into an endless void. 

Nikolai said your name softly as he squeezed your hands. “You are a soldier of great renown. A revolutionary on the right side of history. The most loyal friend someone can have. And lest you somehow manage to forget it, you are the woman I love.”

“You deserve better than—” you swallowed the lump in your throat. “—than some broken, failed Grisha.”

“You are not broken,” Nikolai murmured, and he never looked away from your eyes as he lifted your hand to press a kiss to the back of it. “We are merely on… a different path.” 

“A different path,” you repeated, and you could not help your wry laugh. 

“Yes,” he nodded. “And we will go down every step of it together. Do you understand that?” 

Nikolai fought for everything he had, despite his standing as a Lantsov. He was a soldier on the front lines, he rose through the ranks on the sea under a pseudonym, and now he was clawing his way through useless formalities in order to take back the throne that he deserved. 

And here you were—someone who was given everything because of some power inside you. And now you didn’t even have that. 

It just did not seem right. It did not make sense. For a man as powerful as Nikolai to stick by your side despite such a misgiving. 

“If you don’t, that is alright.” Nikolai shrugged. “I will just have to spend extra time showing you how much I revere your very being.” 

“Nikolai,” you murmured, and his grip on your hands tightened. 

“I cannot pretend to understand what you are going through,” he said. “I cannot lose what you have lost because I’ve never had it in the first place. But I can promise you wholeheartedly that we will figure out what is wrong. Together.” 

“And what if we don’t?” you asked. You couldn’t help it. 

“Then nothing will change,” Nikolai vowed. “Milaya, nothing can tear me away from you, whether you are Grisha or not. Do you understand that?” 

A part of you still could not. Who were you if you were not of use? 

But when you met Nikolai’s eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes that seemed to glow with the sunset, full of softness and admiration and love, you found that you could start to.

You may not have believed in yourself, but Nikolai did. And that had to mean something.  

“I’m beginning to,” you murmured. 

“Good,” he said, and his lips quirked into a smile. “But fear not, milaya. I hold enough love for you inside of me for the both of us in the meantime.” 

[moonylupinslibrary]

it's always the rich blond with a sunny personality and daddy issues for me

[padsmoony04]

Would having my favorite fictional character as my boyfriend fix any of my problems? No, not at all, but at least I would get comfort cuddles and kisses on my forehead.

[criesinliess]

━JANUARY 2024; susan's recs

STRANGER THINGS

━━STEVE HARRINGTON

we can't be friends (but i'd like to just pretend) @accioharrington9

at least it’s not the end of the world @skeltnwrites

GRISHAVERSE

━━KAZ BREKKER

my tears ricochet @er-osion

pocketwatch @writing-havoc

━━NIKOLAI LANTSOV

bad luck; i’m with you; my love mine all mine @atlabeth

THE BEAR

━━CARMY BERZATTO

second chances @fishfooddude

white tees and zero degrees @notsonian

the cook and the teacher; part2; part3; part4; part5 @romerona

table of contents for the neighbor!reader au @whereubeenloca

MARVEL

━━MATT MURDOCK

obstinacy @ellephlox

━━BUCKY BARNES

closer to home @thebarneschronicles

butterflies; part2 @wolvietxt

━━PETER PARKER

i lied @stevie-petey

━━FRANK CASTLE

i don’t wanna get used to not having you around @dilf-din

HARRY POTTER

━━FRED WEASLEY

the chocolates @mywhisperingwords

━━MATTHEO RIDDLE

of magic & mayhem @redeemingvillains

veritaserum @↑

cold comfort @↑

TWISTERS

━━SCOTT MILLER

bad blood @rosie-read-that

PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS

━━LUKE CASTELLAN

luke taking care of you after a quest @slu7formen

luke will find any excuse to be next to you @↑

you prepare luke for halloween; part2 @↑

shy!luke asks you out @↑

luke sees you again after two years you spent on a quest, missing @↑

OUTER BANKS

━━RAFE CAMERON

the gas station @urmum-lovesme

distractions @lizziesangel

who did this to you?; you’re my problem @↑

waiting on you @↑

million reasons @bettys-redwinesupernova

━━DREW STARKEY

not your bro @bettys-redwinesupernova

ONE PIECE

━━ZORO

infatuation @rubyin-wonderland

TOP GUN: MAVERICK

━━JAKE 'HANGMAN' SERSIN

stay; still here? @sere-sins

━━BRADLEY ' ROOSTER' BRADSHAW

i still love you @lizziesangel

[somuchforahobby]

how many secrets can you keep?

Summary: An arranged marriage to everyone's fav tsar

Part 2: crawling back to you Words: 10K Tags: Fluff & angst Warnings: women used as bargain to win wars ? Gifs stolen from: @goatsandgangsters Read on AO3 ******

The Palace was much bigger than you were told. As soon as you stepped off the carriage you were led to what would be your rooms. On the right was a big bed, a sitting area in front of a chimney and a bathroom. At the end of the room there was a door to the balcony. 

You stood on the balcony for what felt like hours thinking about all of this. An arranged marriage, a bitter laugh on your lips. Damned your father to have sold you off to Ravka and damned the King for buying you off in exchange for an alliance with Kerch. The irony of it all would drive you crazy.

“It is a nice view” a voice behind startled you. It was a man in ragged and dirty clothes. “Do you ice-skate?” There was a shit eating grin on his handsome face.

“No”

“Perhaps you will learn this winter” he pointed to the lake, “it becomes a ice rink”

“Does the tsar skate?”

His grin turned into a half smile, “he does, or tries to.”

“Who are you?” 

“A friend”

“Of who?” You looked him up and down.

“Hopefully yours”

“I don’t think I’ll be allowed to have male friends” you looked at him again, “not that handsome at least” a blush raced to your cheeks.

“Yeah, you should ask your fiancé” The stranger leaned against the balcony, next to you.

“When I meet him” a disdained sight left your mouth, “do you work here?”

“Yes”

“What do you do?”

“A little bit of everything but first and foremost I’m an inventor” 

“Of what?”

“Mmmm” he tapped fingers against his mouth, thinking, “ships, aircrafts” 

“Are you part of the army?” 

“Yes I am”

“Is it true that Ravka has flying ships?”

He laughed, “it is true, I invented them myself” 

“The groom is not supposed to see the bride before the wedding!” A beautiful red haired woman shouted from inside of the room. She was wearing a kefta and glaring daggers at the man next to you. 

“Your highness.” You bowed your head slightly to him.

“Please don’t.” He took a step forward, his hands raised awkwardly at his sides, uncertain what to do with them. “Please don’t ever do that again, it is just Nikolai.” 

You raised your eyes to see him and nodded.

“You can have all the friends you want” he smirked, “none of them will be this handsome anyway”

You nodded, suddenly ashamed of your bolt of honesty.

“Hey” he lifted your face to see him, “we will see a way to make this work.” He gave you a half smile that told you he was not comfortable with this either.

“I am sure we will.” You gave him one of your own, “Nikolai.”

And with that, his smile was complete.

***

The ceremony was beautiful, you had to thank Genya for all the attention to detail in the decorations as well as to your dress. The white and golden gown worthy of fairy tales had been a perfect choice.

You drank and danced with your husband and guests, and although every single member of Nikolai’s court treated you wonderfully, your smile could not quite reach your eyes. There was an unspoken sorrow in your heart, no matter how handsome and kind your husband was, you did not know him and yet you now had to devote your life to him.

You thanked the servant who helped you out of the dress, walked into your joint bedroom in your nightgown and your heart stomping out of your chest.

Your husband was taking off his jewelry when he spotted you through the mirror, a shy smile on his face.

“Hey” he greeted first.

“Hi” you walked to him, “would you like me to call someone to help you?” 

“No, thanks. I can do it.” He continued with the buttons on his jacket. Although the gloves made the task much more difficult.

“I can help you, then.” His hands laid nimbly at his sides as your fingers did the work efficiently. “You looked very handsome today.” You complimented, trying to get the conversation flowing.

“Thank you. I must admit I felt quite jealous, I don’t think I could ever look as good as you, my queen.” 

Your face flushed at his compliment, quickly finishing with his jacket and taking a step back, looking down.

“Are you alright?” 

You figured it was best to be honest about it. “I am nervous, Nikolai. I have never done this and I hope I can, well, please you.” Your face was crimson by the time you finished the sentence, but his’ was puzzled.

“Done what?” His brows furrowed.

“Consummate a marriage.” You looked away in shame.

He scoffed. “Neither have I, I’m afraid this is my first marriage.” 

His joke release tension from you, making you smile, “you know what I mean.” 

“I do, but you don’t have to worry about that.” His gloved fingers guided your chin to look back at him. “I have no intentions of doing it tonight, or any other night, as long as you do not want it. I do not find your fear desirable.”

A breeze of relief fell on you.

“I asked for your room to be ready for tonight, you can stay there as long as you like. This thing-“ his hand gestured to the space between your bodies, “will take time, and I have no intention in hurrying it.”

“Thank you. But I know why I am here, Nikolai. If this thing” you mirrored his gesture, “doesn’t work, just know I know my duty.”

He contemplated you for a minute before speaking again. “I will not bring a child product of fear and disdain into this world. It would not make a good king.” He leaned in and placed a tender kiss on your forehead. “Good night, my queen.” 

With that, you left his room for the night, grateful that you had not married an ape.

***

“I did not know I had married a little myshka.” Your husband smiled from the door of the library, bringing one to your own face.

“Moi tsar.” You teased, “what a surprise to see you this afternoon.” 

He walked to you, hands clasped on his back, looking at the books on the table.

“Ravka’s history and myths.” When you looked up he extended a bouquet of flowers to you. “Thank you!” 

“The least I can do for my queen” he sat in front of you, “how are your studies going so far?” 

“Good, the life of Saints is a bit confusing, but it is going well.” You took a quick look at your notes, leaving the flowers aside, “Hopefully I can get a good idea soon enough so I can join your court, maybe?”

“Oh” he smiled, “is that what you wish to do?”

“I think so.”

“Why?” He seemed intrigued.

“Well, I was on my way to become a scholar in Ketterdam, I think I could do decent work.” 

“I went to College in Ketterdam as well, quite a nice place.”

The declaration surprised you, “Oh? Never saw you there, I think.” 

“I doubt we frequented the same places, darling.” He smirked.

“What was your major?” 

“Law and politics.” 

“Same as me.”

“Yeah but I barely spent any time in classes.” 

“Were you a drunken moi tsar?” You teased.

He laughed, “I will not entertain this nonsense of accusation.” 

“You were!” You laughed as well. “That is why I never saw you there.”

“You are also younger than me!” He tried to defend himself.

“Just two years, I still could have seen you in some classes.”

He scrunched his nose, “good thing you did not”

“Why?” 

“I would have asked you out, of course.”

You scoffed, “I don’t think so”

“Are you joking?” a pretty girl who can do all of my homework? Darling you would have been my number one target.”

It was your turn to laugh, “then good thing you didn’t because I wouldn’t have done your homework.”

He shrugged, “I would have done mine with you, for sure.”

You blushed at his comment, feeling your face warm at the insinuation. “But we did not meet.”

He raised his shoulders, dismissing the missed opportunity.

“So… a law and politics advisor in my council. I like that. Right now it is filled with soldiers, Ravka is in urgent need of a brain there.” 

You matched his smile with your own. “I’d be honored.”

His eyes were kind on you, as if he was amazed to hear you want to be part of his life. “Please let me know when you feel ready and or if you have any doubts.” He took a look at his watch and then stood up. 

“Nikolai, I do have one question.” He looked back at you tenderly. “What is myshka?” 

A sweet smile lightened his face, “mouse, my little library mouse.” He leaned in to kiss the top of your head before leaving you for the day.

***

Time passes so slowly when you are in a trial.

“She bleeds again.” One of you maids said during your second month in the Palace. 

“You shouldn’t be running everyday, moi tsaritsa. Your eggs will fall.” the doctor ordered, little did he know you had barely seen your husband.

“It is not her bleeding we should be checking.” Some girl whispered during your breakfast at the patio, while you pointlessly drank all sorts of beverages to ‘help’ your fertility.

“He doesn’t like her because she is not noble” a whisper on your back, “neither is -“ she shut up when you looked.

“Your duty to the Lantsov Dynasty remains” a letter addressed to you from Queen Tatiana was stamped in your brain. You tossed it in the trash when you read it. 

“Nikolai wants you to visit the Hospital today and send the ill his regards.” Genya announced with a smile that brought sickness to your mouth at the mere thought that everyone in the Palace knew your husband’s wishes better than you.

Whispers and voices filled your days, until it was nighttime.

Because every night, you had dinner at the quietness of your chambers and then, you would stay awake to listen when your husband came into his room, next door from your own. When he did you counted the steps that accompanied and then waited in the hall to see who and when they left.

Every night your heart sank a little deeper, because every night the same person walked out of his chambers.

And not a single time General Nazyalensky could hold your stare.

***

You were not speaking to him. You were actually avoiding him.

You ran at breakfast time, ate at council time and read in your bedroom. It was not so hard considering he didn't try to find you either and he was away constantly. Away with her, your mind shouted.

A month or so went by since the last time you had seen your husband. Until one night a servant announced the King wanted to have dinner together.

You chose the most beautiful dress in Lantsov blue, simple but elegant, to drag yourself to the dining room. He was already there in his First Army uniform, smirking at you.

“My beautiful wife.” He stood and walked to you, bringing your knuckles to his lips and placing a soft kiss. He helped you in your seat before returning to his. “I missed you, I haven’t seen you in forever.” He complained with tenderness. 

You did not answer.

“I just returned from a trip with General Nazyalensky and Count Kirigin, can you believe he is crazy for her?”

You bit down a growl. The audacity of this man, you thought.

“I was hoping you’d join the council soon, how are your studies going?”

You did not answer.

“I am running out of ideas for a conversation here, darling. I think I need your help.” His tone was firm and you finally raised your eyes from your plate to his face.

You sighed, “leave us” The waiters left the room, giving you the much needed privacy. “Perhaps you should ask General Nazyalensky to join you for dinner.”

Every hint of amusement and his signature smirk were gone in an instant. “Why would I?” 

“Well if you can’t help to have her in your chambers every night then perhaps you should have dinner with her as well.” Your tone was also firm.

His eyes did not falter, “it is not what you think”

“Then explain it.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me”

“You have my word, dar—” 

Your scoff interrupted him. “Nikolai,” your patience thinned, “I would rather you behave like a jerk than keep up the good boy facade while you’re mocking me.” 

“Because I am not!”

You covered your face with your hands, it was the lie that hurt the most. “I knew this would happen and I only ask you to be more discreet.” You sighed, keeping your face down, “the whole damn castle talks about it and I am the idiot wife who can’t even do what she was brought to do. I can’t compete with her, Nikolai. She has it all, the beauty, the power, the king’s attention. It’s excruciating.”

“Look at me.” A firm order, your eyes caught his again, only that this time you did not see Nikolai, you were looking at the King. “You do not have to compete with her or anyone else, you are my queen.” His gloved hand captured yours on the table, drawing circles on your skin with his thumb while guiding it to his chest, you could feel his heartbeat, strong and steady, “I swear to you, there is no one else, General Nazyalensky is not in my bed. You must believe me. I will do anything for you to believe me.” 

“Everything but the truth.”

His heart beat faster. “What can I do to make you trust me? What do you want?”

Tears pricked your eyes, “Your attention.”

“You have it, but now I will make sure you have no doubts about it.” He closed both eyes, then swallowed, defeated. “Would it be ok with you if I paid you a visit every night, and then returned to my rooms?” 

“That would be a place to start.”

“Although, the Second Army General will continue to make a brief visit afterwards.” 

“Can I be there as well?”

“No.” That was definite. It amazed you how easy he changed from Nikolai to The Tsar.

“This would be easier if you told me the truth.” 

An exasperated sigh left his mouth and he stood from his seat, “my word will have to do for now, myshka.” 

Removing your hand from his chest, he laid a tender kiss to your knuckles before leaving the room.

***

Later that night he knocked on your door, you opened it widely and he walked all the way to the couch in front of the fireplace. “How was your day?” 

You sat next to him, facing the fire, his arm extended on cushions and your shoulders. “It was alright. I have been looking for books or writings about your father’s reign but I haven’t found any.” 

His gloved fingers picked a strand of your hair to toy with. “I think I can help you with that, if you’d like?”

“Please.”

“Well, umm” his gaze was lost on your hair, “what would you like to know?” 

“Anything a member of your council should know.”

He thought for a minute or two, immersed in your hair, “I do not think he was a good king. All he did was send troops to borders, give power to the darkling and the apparat, I don’t think he cared for the needs of the working class.”

“And do you?”

“Of course. I’d be a fool not to, they’re the only ones who want me to keep my throne.” He gave you a lazy smile.

“Why is it different what your father did with the darkling than what you do with the triumvirate?”

He leaned back, getting more comfortable, as he weighed your question. “Because I am not relying on one person but a council of Grisha, and because they would never do the atrocities the darkling did.”

“Such as?” 

“Separating families, sending children to be abused by powerful men, even to the king himself…” 

“Nikolai,” you turned your whole body to face him, “that is an awful thing to say about your father.” 

He released a hopeless scoff, “good thing I am not.”

Your head leaned to a side at his statement, “so it is true?” 

“I am afraid so.”

“Well that is also important information for a political advisor.” 

He smirked, “and to my wife.”

“I don’t think she’d care as much as Fjerda.”

“Is that a fact?” He asked playfully.

“A hundred percent.” 

He leaned towards you, leaving a kiss on your temple, “That is good to know.” He mumbled against your hair.

“How was your day?” 

“Awful.” He looked at the fire. “There are a bunch of people wanting to Sanctify the Darkling and my wife hates me.” He looked at you with what you guessed was some sadness in his eyes.

“I don’t think she hates you.”

The tiniest of smiles tugged at his lips, “no?” 

“No. I think she is just insecure.”

“Well she shouldn’t. As a victim myself I would never inflict the pain of lies on someone else.”

“Thank you.” You whispered and his face warmed.

“Trust me, please.” 

You simply nodded. 

You both sat by the fire for a good while, his arm on your shoulders as you slowly dozed off.

The next morning you woke up in your bed, alone. The other side, as usual, untouched.

***

“It is not up for discussion” one of your maids had said. So now here you were, dressed in a beautiful gown, alone in the balcony while strangers celebrated your Birthday in the saloon.

The leaves on the trees had just started to fall, early signs of the upcoming autumn visible in the palace gardens. The night breeze stirred your arms, making you shiver. A warm jacket fell on your shoulders then, making you turn to find a man standing beside you.

“My apologies, moi tsaritsa. You seemed to be cold.” A tall man with dark hair said. “I am Count Anton Nerenski, your highness.”

“Thank you for your kindness, Count Nerenski.” You turned to the gardens again.

“Beautiful party, I assume that tulips are your favorite?” 

Since the whole Palace was filled with them it was a fair assumption, “No. Roses are.” 

“Then why haven’t I seen any?” He quipped.

You sighed, “because nobody asked me anything about this damned party.”

“If I had known roses were your favorite I would have brought you a hundred of them.” 

You turned to see him, there was tenderness in his eyes, “thank you Count Nerenski.”

“Please, call me Anton.” 

You smiled and he matched. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, Your Highness, Where is the King?”

You sighed, unable to hide your disappointment. He left in the morning and promised to come back before the celebration, yet he had failed his promise. “He is on an important business trip.”

“And how do you feel that he is away?” 

Your jaw tightened, your whole body turned to face him, “I do mind your questioning, and I am nothing but proud of the King’s work. As should you.” 

“My apologies, your highness. I didn't mean to offend the King.” 

“You have spent far too much time on this conversation apologizing, haven’t you?” You pressed.

He scoffed, “I have, and I am further willing to get on my knees if my queen requested so.” 

A blush crept your face, understanding the nature of his intentions. “I wish for no such thing.”

“Yet,” his features softened, “but the path you are on is a lonely one, moi tsaritsa, I wish to extend you my friendship if you ever need it.” 

You merely looked at him: he was a handsome man, taller than you, his eyes were the color of sapphires, and a full beard filled his face. Black hair fell to his shoulders, which were wide and built like a soldier’s. Was this how your life would be now? Men throwing themselves at you offering an affair to deal with your loneliness?

“Your beauty does not belong to a balcony, moi tsaritsa, you have not danced all night, would you like to change that?” Count Nerenski extended a hand to you.

“As caring as always Anton, but I am afraid I must steal my dashing wife’s first dance.” Nikolai’s voice took you out of your thoughts, your eyes instantly finding him. Your heart swelled on your chest at the sight of him, already taking off his First Army jacket and walking towards you. “I fear other men might try to take her for a swing, forgetting altogether that can be considered treason. Although, I would too forget protocols and loyalties at the sight of her.” Nikolai’s voice was cheerful, yet a slight treat could be found in it.

Nikolai removed Anton’s jacket from your shoulders, replacing it with his own and pressing a chaste kiss on your cheek.

Anton grabbed his jacket from Nikolai’s hand, “Your Highness” bowed towards both of you and returned to the saloon. 

“My savior” you looked up to your husband.

“Would you dance with me?” He offered, his hand lingering on your waist. “I’m afraid I have to remind everyone in this Country who your husband is before they try to steal you from me.”

“Are you jealous, moi tsar?” You teased.

He huffed, “of Count Nerenski? Don’t make me laugh, dear.” His fingers tapped your waist to the rhythm of the background music.

“Then laugh.” You dared, “laugh and take the jealousy off your face.”

“I’d be jealous if you had enjoyed his company.”

“I enjoyed the warmth of his jacket.”

He scoffed, “enjoying another man's warmth, darling please just put a bullet in my head, it would wound me less”

“I am sorry, Nikolai.”

“Don’t be, unless you are actually interested in him?” There was a silent sorrow behind the question.

“I am not.” 

“Then I am sorry for not arriving on time.” His gloved hand touched your cheek, you leaned to his palm. “I brought you a gift though.” From the pocket of his pants he pulled a paper and handed it to you. It was a list. 

“You bought… nineteen, twentyfiv, THIRTY books?” You looked up to him to find him smiling.

“Well I could not fit them all in my pockets so I figured I’d show you the list. If you want to change them we can go to the bookstore tomorrow morning. The order sails in the afternoon to Ketterdam.”

“Nikolai” tears gathered in your eyes, touched by his present. “You didn’t have to do that, thank you.” 

He placed a lock of hair behind your ear, “I might have not known you loved roses but I knew you loved books.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Let’s go back in there and give them a nice show, shall we?” 

You nodded.

He helped you get your arms through his own jacket, “such a condecorated and beautiful soldier.” 

With both hands on your nape, you pulled your hair out of the jacket. “What can I say? I'm a catch.” 

He smirked, “of course you are” he guided you towards him with a hand on your waist, pushing your body against his, as you both walked back to the salon.

One of Nikolai’s valets stepped in front of you. “Your Highness, it is against protocol for the Queen to wear a military uniform as it is for the King to have an incomplete one. Also please be aware of the closeness.” The man’s eyes moved between your bodies, clashed together. 

“Thank you for your suggestion, Mikhail.” Nikolai pulled you towards the dance floor. 

Gasps filled the room when you both bowed before the music started; the King without his jacket and said jacket on his wife’s shoulders must have been a whole show. Anxiety left your body as soon as his hands guided your waist through the waltz.

***

You left the bath in a sheer gown, your hair wet falling on your back after your usual bath post run, and found your husband waiting for you in the same spot he had taken the day before, but instead of toying with your hair, he had one of your books in his hands and his long legs stretched on the couch. At the sight of you he raised his eyes to your body, taking an embarrassing amount of time admiring you before turning away. 

“I am sorry I should have-“ 

You grabbed a robe and pulled it on your shoulders, “that’s fine, you can look now.” 

When you saw his face, a faint blush still colored his cheeks. 

“How can I be of service, moi tsar?” 

He rearranged himself, allowing you to sit on the other side of the couch, nervousness could still be found in him, oddly enough. “I came to ask you to join me at the council today.”

“Yes, sure, when is it?” 

He looked at his watch, “In 10 minutes.”

“Oh.” You walked to your wardrobe in a rush, trying to find something to wear.

“Punctuality is important but not mandatory for a queen, myshka. Take your time.” He leaned back and returned his gaze to the book in his hands.

Without Genya or a maid to help you, you put on a dress and dried your hair as much as possible before leaving your chambers with your husband. You had never been to the war room before, and you were just as surprised to see it as the people inside were surprised to see you.

Nikolai held your hand during the entirety of the meeting, drawing circles on your skin with his thumb, what you had now identified as an anxiety tick.

Every time some decision was to be made, he turned to you and asked your opinion, every time you said you’d rather listen this time and every time he announced again you were a political genius to the group. Shy smiles could be spotted between all of them as a blush betrayed you. 

Once the meeting was over and everyone had left the room, Nikolai turned to you with the brightest smile you had seen in him yet.

“Thank you.” He placed a chaste kiss on your knuckles.

“Thank you for letting me in. I have so much to learn from all of you.”

“Nonsense.” He hooked your hand on his arm, walking out of the room with you. 

***

“I have been wanting to ask you something.” You said after a few minutes of silence. 

He nodded, asking you to continue. 

“In Ketterdam, there were some places where people had stuff and you could go in and get it for a price.”

His eyebrows furrowed, confused. “Yeah?”

“Every month, my father gave me a certain amount of money for me to be able to get whatever things I wanted.” 

Nikolai tilted his head.

“And since I have been here of course I have not yet needed to buy anything, because the Palace has it all.” You started speaking faster, “But I heard there will be an art bazaar downtown and I would like to go. However I do not have any money and I was wondering if maybe you could lend me some?”

“Lend you?” His voice was firm yet confused.

“Yes”

“And how would you pay me back?”

You had not thought about it, “I could send word to my father so—“ his laugh interrupted your rant. He had bent over his stomach laughing while you stared, not sure what was so funny.

“You are the queen of Ravka!” He said between paths, “you do not need to carry money around !” He said it like a dirty word.

“I do not understand?” 

He took a long breath to rearrange himself. “You can go downtown whenever you please, you get whatever you want and ask for the tab, then bring it to my valet and forget about it.” 

“Oh” you blushed, suddenly ashamed of your question. “And I can do that anywhere?” 

“Nearly, yes.”��

Now it was your turn to smirk. 

“But please measure yourself, do not bring this country to bankruptcy.” He teased.

“You should have thought about that before laughing at your queen!” You teased back.

He sighed and sank deeper into your bedroom’s couch, “either with her beauty or her boldness, but this queen of mine is gonna drive me crazy.”

***

You hugged your legs close to your torso, leaning your face against your knees, watching him as he told you yet another story of his life at Sea. By now the only thing you wish to have done before marrying him was getting to know the notorious Sturmhond. 

Nikolai was so passionate about his privateer past, the way he told the tales was so detailed, you could picture them in your head and soon after you could swear you had been there. He talked about Kaz Brekker and the crows, and your mouth opened to know he knew and was friends with your father’s biggest headache, both laughing at the thought of him finding out.

“What do you desire, Nikolai?” You asked after a few minutes of silence and looking at the nostalgia on his face.

“For peace in Ravka.” A well rehearsed answer.

“I asked Nikolai, not the tsar.” 

He finally looked at you, “what I desire has no consequence since I am no longer a man but a Sovereign.” 

“And if you were just a man again, what would you desire?” 

His shoulders dropped with a sigh, “to sleep” he stared at the fire for a long time, then asked, “what would you desire?”

“To hold your hand.”

He grabbed your hand in his, kissing your knuckles before tangling his fingers with yours.

“Without the gloves, Nikolai.”

He did not speak for a while, just looking at your hands intertwined. 

“I was cursed by the darkling.”

“I have heard, Korol Rezni.” 

He looked back at you with profound sadness in his eyes, “yes, which is why I can not let you see my hands.” 

He dropped your hand and stood up abruptly.

“Nikolai, plea—“

“No” again, when he turned it was the Tsar. You kept your place and nodded when he said good night.

***

You had ten people around you, all of them working to get you ready for your agenda of the day. Genya was working on your hair when you realized nobody was working anymore and instead they were bowing. You turned to find Nikolai leant against the door frame, looking at you.

“Moi tsar.” You teased and returned to look at Genya.

“My beautiful wife.” He walked to your line of sight. “Busy day?”

“Yes, I will visit the primary school today.” A bright smile lightened your face.

“By yourself?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Tamar is going with me.”

“Mmmm” he contemplated for a minute, “Tolya will go as well.”

“And what about you?” As much as you appreciated his concern, he could not be left without a bodyguard.

“I’ll be right in front of him the whole time.” He smirked, “if you don’t mind of course?” 

You smiled, “I’ll be honored.”

That night you were crying on the balcony when he let himself into your room. The weight of everything you had seen that day was starting to get you. 

“Darling?” His voice echoed from your bedroom.

“Over here!” You cleaned your face best as you could hoping he wouldn’t notice, but failed.

“What’s wrong?” There was concern in his voice, “are you hurt?” 

You scoffed, “It’s nothing, don’t worry.”

“What’s wrong?” He guided your shoulders to him, then drew your face upwards.

“What we saw today made me a little sad.” 

“The school?” 

You nodded.

“I don’t think I understand?” His brows furrowed. “I saw children very happy to meet their queen.”

You turned your body towards the garden again, leaning your forearms to the balcony. “I saw boys, mostly. Little girls, that started to be less and less around the age of nine.” A long sigh left your mouth, “they are not in school because they are married, Nikolai.”

“No, that’s” 

“What?” You turned to him, his brows were furrowed, he was piecing together a puzzle.

“Illegal” he muttered.

“Just because it’s illegal doesn’t make it undoable.” There was hate in your voice as you said it.

“That is what illegal means.”

“It means nothing if you don’t do anything to stop it!” You tried to regain control over yourself, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry. It’s just that I feel for all those girls who will never get to experience their lives because their parents sold them off to the highest bet.”

“Like you.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

Panic flooded you, “No! Nikolai, don’t! I am so very lucky to have you!” Your hands landed on his chest, as if you were trying to keep his heart inside.

There was a sad smile on his face as his hands circled yours, “I understand, I often wonder how different my life would be if I had been born a woman, I understand you are upset.”

“Every day I thank the Saints for the luck I have to be your wife, Nikolai. I swear.” You looked him deep in the eye, not a single doubt on your words. “I just grieve for those girls that did not have the luck I had to marry a kind man.” 

He kissed both your hands and then held you into a tight hug. “Then good thing you are the queen of Ravka and can change things for them.” He mumbled on your hair.

***

You had taken your reading to the gardens. The Palace was just too much noise, too many people, so many whispers. You laid leaning against a tree, reading the Story of Saints again, trying desperately to distract your mind from the aura surrounding you.

You stared at the Palace from afar, how could a place so beautiful be so obsessed with finding other’s flaws? No doubt why the royals often went crazy.

“I have been looking for you” Nikolai’s voice startled you, making you drop your book from your hands to the floor. He sat next to you on the grass. “What are you doing?” 

You did not turn to him, “just reading”

He took the book from the grass and gave it back to you, “Do not let me stop you.”

“Please do, I can’t even focus.” 

“mmmm” His arm rounded your shoulders, “come here” You leaned your head on his chest. “Does that have anything to do with my trip to the Fold?” 

“Not the trip, really.” 

“The crew.” 

You shrugged.

“Darling, I beg of you not to listen to that nonsense.” His hands moved up and down your arm. “It’s not easy when people laugh around me.” 

“You could have them hanged for treason, you know?” 

You scoffed, “Yeah, that would make me a very beloved queen.” 

He sighed, with his free hand, he guided your chin upward to face him, “Then let’s issue a statement.” There was a sassy smirk on his face.

“A statement?” 

His eyes fell from your own to your lips briefly, “yeah.”

“what would it say?”

“Have dinner with me today, I’ll send Genya to your room to have you ready at 7.” 

You just stared at him, not sure what to say nor what to think.

“Yeah?” 

“I don’t think I can say no to you moi tsar.” a shy smile threaded on your lips.

“For the sake of my intentions I’mma say that is correct.”

After a romantic dinner in the garden, he walked you to the main saloon.

When the door opened your mouth did as well. The whole floor was filled with short little candles.

You turned to see him in awe and he merely shrugged like it was nothing. A runway leading from the door to the center was lit by larger ones, where a wide circle was also free of fire. He walked with you through it and once you were in the middle of the room, a quartet of musicians started to play a waltz. 

“Would you honor me a dance?” He offered his hand and you nodded.

He grabbed your waist in a heartbeat, like if your body called to him. Your hand on his chest felt meant to be. He swayed you like a doll, like a well rehearsed play. His signature smirk was permanent on his face.

“What is this, Nikolai?” You asked, blushed.

He made you swirl and you caught servants looking from the balconies above.

He shrugged, “a statement.” He leaned to your shoulder, his lips gracing your skin, “may I?”

“I don’t think I can say no to you, can I?” 

You felt him smile, “I don’t think you can, no.” He mumbled before leaving a path of chaste kisses on your exposed shoulder.

“Nikolai”

“Mmm?” He mumbled against your skin.

“What does this statement say?”

He raised his head to see you, a gilded smile on his face, “that the King of Ravka is head over heels for his wife and that he would do anything to show her how he feels.”

“And is it true?” 

His forehead leaned on yours, not granting you an answer.

“Nikolai?”

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?” 

Like it was an order, his lips found yours immediately. He guided your hand to his neck and his arms moved to circle your waist, his lips evolved into a soft, romantic kiss. He was tender, kind, his lips were begging you for more in the kindest of ways.

Your chest tightened in desire, and you could feel the thread where his control was hanging, you pulled back to regain yourself, leaning against him again.

His breath was agitated, but so was yours, he stole a short kiss and then continued his path on your shoulder.

A few waltz later, he guided you to your room. apologizing for not being able to stay any longer, He went into his chambers and soon after you heard someone else walk by. 

The next morning he was gone before sunrise, but your room dawned with a bouquet of fresh roses and a goodbye note from him.

***

Protocols aside, you nearly jumped to hug him when he finally returned. You heard his chest rumble with giggles as he wrapped his arms around you, “Did you miss me, moi tsaritsa?” He whispered in your ear.

Pushing away you answered, looking up to him, “Greatly.” 

His eyes were fixed on your lips, “May I kiss you? You know, so everyone sees it.”

“You may.” 

He leaned down to kiss you, a soft yet needy kiss for every witness to see how much the King had missed his wife; the tenderness of a devoted husband along with the urgent need of a man. It was a display, yet your heart had not gotten the memo, since it was stomping out of your chest.

He pulled away first, his eyelashes fluttering against your brow, his breath hitching your face.

“I missed you too.” He said before kissing the top of your nose and finally taking a step back.

***

Since he returned, he made it his personal goal to kiss you whenever you were surrounded by other people, he had even said so the first time he did. You found him as you walked out of the library towards the garden, he was leaving his study with the council, and the second he saw you his hands cradled your face and kissed you briefly, for then tilt his head sideways and deepen the kiss. When he pulled away you saw everyone around you was flushed and trying to look away, except for Genya who had a genuine smile on her face. Nikolai then winked at you, and continued his path. 

***

When he was focused he would not even look at you. Sitting on his desk and with a thousand papers in front of him, his eyes were reading page after page, immersed in paperwork about the year expenses and needs, you knew this was your chance.

You walked to his desk, until your thighs graced his forearms. Almost instinctively, his hand landed near your hip.

“Yes, love?” He asked, not raising his eyes.

“Nikolai, could you please sign this?” You put the paper in front of him, without hesitation he drew a signature on the bottom of the page and continued his reading. 

You bent down and kissed his cheek then started your path out of his office.

“Darling” he called when you were near the door. 

“Yes?” You turned with feigned innocence on your face.

“What did I sign?” There was a small smirk on his lips and light amusement in his eyes.

You smiled playfully, “A law.” 

“Oh?” His smirk grew. “About what?” 

You returned to his side and gave him the paper, he took it with a playful smirk and read it.

“Mandatory school for girls?” He looked up to you.

You nodded.

He stood from his chair, taking you in his arms. He smelled like woods, like sea, like fire, like freedom and class, like a prince from a fairytale. your arms wrapped around his waist briefly before he let you go. “Please see it published first thing in the morning.”

He sat again but his gaze remained fixed on you, a mix of admiration and fondness emanating from him. “And please keep doing this.”

“That you can be certain of.”

“Darling” his hand hovered above your knee, he was not touching you but you could feel the warmth of his skin even through the gloves and the heavy fabric of your dress. He looked up tenderly, “I have plenty of work to catch up tonight, I’d recommend you to get some sleep, I don’t think I can join you today.” 

“I understand.” You bit your lower lip and turned to leave the room.

“Think of how you want me to make it up to you.” 

You turned to see him again, there was a boyish smirk on his face, and you matched with your own. “I already know.”

“And what do you want, moi tsaritsa?” 

“I want you to take me on a date outside the Palace, I want to see Ravka.”

His brows lifted in surprise, a shadow crossed his face. 

“Have I offended you in any way?” 

He sighed, leaning back on his chair, “not in the slightest. I find it disappointing that I have not done my job courting you properly and I apologize for that.”

“A king does not need to court, your highness.” You teased.

“Not out of need, but of desire. The day I met you I promised you we would make this work, I intended to make it so by courting you and hopefully making you fall in love with me, and look at us: you have to beg me to spend time with you.”

You walked to his desk, a playful smile on your face, “I have not begged yet.”

That brought a slight blush to his cheeks. He placed both elbows on the desk, his gaze intensifying on you “and I am certain you’d look delightful but if I am to make you beg it won’t be for time.” Now it was your turn to blush. “I will take you out on a date, the day after tomorrow. I’ll send you something to wear.”

“You already know where we are going?”

His smirk deepend, “I always have.”

You bit your lower lip to hide your smile and nodded once before leaving the room.

For about fifteen minutes you considered going to Tolya since you felt your heart was leaving your chest right away.

***

Nikolai spent the day submerged in meetings, from one room to another, you heard people passing by all day as you were in the library, which is why you were not expecting him that night. You guessed he was either too tired or still too busy to come to your rooms, and given you were almost certain your hand was injured from all the writing you had done, you made yourself comfortable and dipped your strained hand in a bucket of warm water. That’s how he found you, sitting on the couch, in your spot, with your hand up to the elbow in water while you calmly looked at the fire. 

“Are you alright?” 

You turned to him with surprise on your face, “Nikolai” 

He walked to you, looking at your hand, then repeated himself, “are you alright?”

“Yes, it’s just that I wrote too much today.” 

He grabbed a towel and sat next to you, taking your hand out the water and drying it before massaging it softly. “Was it another Law?” With a raised brow he lifted his gaze to you.

You merely shrugged. 

“I appreciate your service but not to this point, myshka. Your wellbeing is this country’s priority, do not forget that.” 

You pouted at his scorn, leaning against his shoulder. “How was your day?” Your voice was dipping in tenderness.

He sighed, “exhausting” he kissed your hand before extending an arm on your shoulders, you rearranged yourself on his chest. “As much as I wanted to come home to read in the gardens with my wife, a lot happened while I was away that required my attention.”

“Your wife requires your attention as well.” 

A dark smirk formed on his lips, “she does?” He shifted, from being relaxed against the couch to sitting straight with his body angled towards yours, a hunter lurking his prey, “And how can I oblige to her needs?” 

“Take a wild guess” 

“I fear I might take one that turns out to be too wild.” His gaze was fixed on your lips.

“And?”

“Might scare you off”

“Impossible”

He let out a scoff, “Sturmhond would say that you mean improbable.”

“Oh? I wonder what the notorious privateer would do in this situation?” You teased.

An amused sigh left his mouth, “things that are far too scandalous to be even mentioned in front of a queen.” 

“I’d suggest not to say them and just do them, then.”

“Even worse.”

“Ummm” you feigned deception, “too bad, I would have loved to meet the guy. I heard he has quite a reputation.”

“Really?” Nikolai’s ego shone through his smile.

“Oh, yes. I’d like to know if what I have heard turns out to be true.” You laid on your back, him following closely.

“And what have you heard?”

“Things that are far too scandalous to be even mentioned in front of a King.”

He was practically on top of you know, his lips roaming yours.

“Then it is probably true.” He was practically on top of you now, his face millimeters above yours. “Please tell me what you want, love.” A jolt of honesty and vulnerability dominated his eyes, pulling the lust and desire away to accommodate your needs first. 

“You, Nikolai.” 

“Nobody is watching now.” 

It screwed your brains that he might think you only wanted him when you could be seen. One of your brows lifted in a challenge, “Then do your worst.”

His lips crashed against yours, but this time his tempo was slow and cautious, not a hint of urgency and need, but a patient lover with all the time in the world. Your hands rounded his neck and his’ supported him while cradling your face. 

His legs moved in between yours, applying light pressure in your core with his hips, earning a muffled moan from your lips. He pulled away, his eyes dark with desire and mouth open with adoration. “Tell me what you want” 

“I can not move further without the touch of your hand, Nikolai, please.” 

A half smile crossed his lips, “you truly are a delight begging” his sight roamed your face, “close your eyes” a firm order, you obliged. 

Rough and cold fingers wrapped around your hand, lifting it over your head, while the other set touched your face lightly, you could feel all calluses and scars roaming your cheek, then your neck, and after a brief lack of touch, climbing up your ankle.

“Nikolai” you moaned.

“Shh” he let go of your hand to touch your lips with his thumb, “you’re so soft” you could hear him near, the pressure on your core harder every second. He pushed his thumb in your mouth, a weird taste of charcoal in your tongue as you licked it, he groaned in your ear, “can’t wait to feel more of you” his hand finally stopped on your hip, pulling his thumb out and resuming his kiss. His hands were still cold, but somehow made you feel even warmer.

He was toying with your undergarments, cold fingers stretching the soft fabric and touching all around, except where you needed him the most. You wondered how it might be, cold fingers against your hot core, and it made you dizzier.

It was becoming too much: the warmth of the chimney, his body on top of you and the coldness of his hands. You wanted to scream, to beg him to please take you now, but you could only continue under his torturous pace, kissing him back, your hands roaming his chest and making a mess of his hair, pulling his curls out of its perfect place. A gentle tug of his hair earned you a groan, which nearly pushed you off the edge.

“Can I take these off?” He tugged your undergarments, panting.

“Yes.”

“Beg” he said in your ear.

“Nikolai, please.”

“That is not begging.”

“Nikolai, I beg you to take them off.” 

“That’s my girl” he bit your ear while pulling the fabric.

A loud knock made you open your eyes abruptly to see him hide his hands from your sight “close your eyes” he instructed. 

You heard the sound of fabric, steps and a door open. “Nikolai” General Nazyalensky’s voice filled the room, “We received correspondence from the Termite, there are Fjerdan troops marching south. The council is waiting for you in the war room.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes” 

The door closed and he was back in your eyesight. He sat between your legs again, admiring you for a minute.

“Care to continue?” You teased.

“We’ll have to put a raincheck on that” He said and you blushed at his blunt rejection, turning your face away from him. Suddenly he was on top of you again, his now gloved hands guiding your face towards his’, “because I only have a couple minutes and with you I need so much more than that, myshka.” He kissed you deeply again, it felt like a natural thing now. “Get some sleep, I’ll see you in the morning for our date.” He stood up, extending a hand to help you do the same. You took it.

“Don’t you have a war to attend?” 

“It will have to wait for another day.” With that he kissed you again before rearranging himself and leaving with a flirty wink.

***

The smell of flowers woke you up. When your eyes opened you realized your room was filled with roses of all colors. On every surface of the room there was a thick bouquet and on the nightstand a note that read

I am not sure if they are a hundred, but I brought you all the roses of Ravka. 

-Nik.

There were more than a hundred, for sure. You stood on your tiptoes, careful not to kick any, as you inspected every single vase, each one had a card sending you regards from the flower shop, each of them further away than the other. How had Nikolai gathered them all this morning, you had no clue.

Minutes later one of Nikolai’s valets left a box with clothes in it. After you changed into them, a plain white shirt, trousers and boots, you met your husband in the dais of the main stairs.

“Dashing as ever” His signature smirk greeted you. 

His outfit was similar to yours, way too simple for a king. He escorted you out and towards the lake, where you found a ship.

“Am I meeting Sturmhond today?” You asked with a smile.

“Maybe” 

He helped you on the ship, and after putting on a green jacket, he instructed the squallers as the ship caught the air and rose. 

A gasp left your mouth in terror and your husband was at your side in an instant, holding you close to him. For a while there was only him, your face buried on his chest, his smell grounding you. Then everything was calm again, and softly he pulled away and guided you to the bow, one hand on your waist and one on the railing.

“You wanted to see Ravka… I thought to show you your whole kingdom.”

Out of words, you explored the frozen woods of the North and the border with Fjerda; the vastness of the city of Os Alta, the desert on what used to be the Fold, all the cultures and colors of the southern cities, the clarity of the shore. All the while Nikolai whispered stories in your ear, his chest pressed against your back and his hands on your waist.

You ate at Os Kervo, where you both had to be tailored to go undercover, his now ginger hair bouncing free. 

You stood on the docks, looking at the sea. 

“Missing home?” His chin leaned against your shoulder.

“You are my home now, Nikolai.” 

He turned you and kissed you fiercely. There, in the docks of Os Kervo, tailored away from your royal faces, you were just two idiots in love. No protocols to respect or whispers to feed; just two lovers intertwined, hypnotized by their most animalistic needs of each other. Sturmhond took risks Nikolai wouldn’t; like pulling your hair and letting his fingers dig your skin, biting your lips and tasting your tongue, he pulled muffled moans out of you like a child takes cookies out of a jar. Your knees buckled, but his strong arms were there to hold you and continue his quest. When he was done, he leaned your foreheads together, gasping for air. 

“Such a conqueror” you whispered, panting.

“And I am not done yet.” His threat made your legs weak again.

You barely kept your hands off each other on the way back, but your control was completely lost as soon as you arrived at the Palace.

Your legs were on his hips, and his hands supporting them as you both walked in, the welcoming party waiting for you quickly dissipated as he carried you up the stairs and to your bedroom. 

He pushed you against the wall, and once the door was closed and secured, he carried you to the bed.

“Careful with my roses” you teased.

“I’ll plant you a whole new garden” 

His body was pressed on yours, both of you working on taking your clothes off. You pushed him making land on his back, straddling him, his naked torso to your bare chest.

“No objection to that” a lopsided grin on his face

You took his hands, touching the fabric of his gloves, your eyes kindly asking for permission. His breath was ragged when he nodded.

Softly, you pulled the fabric from each finger, making them loose enough to pull out the right hand first. His eyes were closed, defeated, ashamed, as you completely removed both gloves. You laid a wet kiss on each one before kissing his palms and then moved to intertwine your fingers to his. They were black and cold, different, for sure, but not worth hiding and definitely better than those stupid gloves.

“Nikolai”

“Mmm” his eyes remained closed, his chest to yours while you sat on his lap.

“touch me”

“I don’t want the darkling’s curse on you.”

“Please”

“Are you not” he swallowed, “disgusted?”

“Not in the slightest”

He finally touched your face, his palm on your cheek felt cold but you leaned to his touch nonetheless.

“Does your night visitator have anything to do with this?”

Nikolai’s head fell forward in shame, “yes”

He remained silent as you pampered his face with kisses, falling back on the bed but now with a defeated aura.

“The darkling turned me into a monster”

“Don’t say that” your head was on his chest, your whole body wrapped on his.

“I wish this was a theatricality, love” You looked at him tenderly. “He literally turned me into a monster, Alina saved me or so I believed, when she destroyed the Fold. But the monster is still in me, it comes back at night sometimes. That is why Zoya chains me to bed every night.”

Your gasp broke his heart in a million pieces.

“That is why I do not sleep with you, I am afraid I might hurt you, kill you, while I am that damned monster.”

You took his hands and guided them to your waist, the cold of his fingers giving you chills. Softly, you left a trail of wet kisses on his ear, his neck, until he undoubtedly lost himself in you again.

The weight of his arm on your waist dulled you to the deepest, coziest sleep you have ever had, until a metallic clac woke you up. There was a slim figure standing on the foot of your bed, as you blinked the darkness away you realized it was Zoya toying with a set of keys. Her beautiful face was pursed, at least she was not enjoying this.

“I am sorry, I must take Nikolai to his rooms.” She whispered.

Nikolai moved next to you, his fingers wrapping on your waist as he laid sleepy kisses on your shoulder. “Mmmm?” He mumbled deep in sleep.

“He is asleep, he won’t turn into a monster tonight.” 

“We do not know that, Your Majesty.”

“Zoya?” Nikolai asked, blinking.

“I will be waiting in your rooms, Nikolai.” She turned to you, “good night, moi tsaritsa.”

“I’ll go with you.” You turned to him.

Your husband got to his feet, buttoning his shirt, “No.”

“Nikolai”

 He kissed your forehead and left. 

***

Nikolai knocked on your door every night for five nights, not a single one you opened.

***

“I know we are not on speaking terms” Nikolai spoke from the other side of the desk where you had spent your afternoon.

You did not look up to him.

“But I have a gift for you.”

You raised your eyes to him, sneering. 

“Ouch”

“A gift does not change anything, Nikolai.”

“I do not expect it to.”

You raised one eyebrow, insting him to continue.

He flexed his fingers and a man carrying a machine entered, placing the machine in front of you. It took you a few minutes to see it: it had … buttons? with the alphabet, although it was not in order. It had two rollers behind the alphabet and a paper sheet in between.

“It is a typing machine” he leaned near you to explain, “you can use this to type the laws instead of writing them down by hand and hurting yourself.”

Your eyes were glued on the machine. “Where did you get it?”

“I built it”

You raised your eyes to him again, but this time they were filled with wonder and admiration. “Thank you.” 

“I don’t want you to get hurt, love” he said looking at the machine, but you knew he wasn’t referring only to it, “everything I do, I do it aiming for that.”

With that, he left the library, leaving you and your typing machine alone.

***

That night he knocked on your door once again, but this time you opened, leaning against the frame, opening just enough for your body to fit.

“Yes, Moi Tsar?” 

“I…” he swallowed, “was wondering if I could join you for a moment?” 

“You can join me for the night or not at all.” 

His eyes closed in annoyance, “love you are taking this too far now”

“Am I? Or am I merely demanding my husband to trust me half as much as he trusts his soldiers?” 

He faced the floor, exasperated. “As much as I hate to say this: they are replaceable. You are not.”

A scoff, “I’ll make you wish I was, Nikolai.”

With that you closed the door on his face.

[littlest-w01f]

Shaken

"Overstimulation" with:

Stermhond x Reader

Kinktober 2024 Masterlist

Summary: Being unable to sleep at night on the Volkvolny, the Stermhond provides you with the perfect distraction

Cw: Overstimulation, fingering and oral!F receiving, MxF, Smut 18+ MDNI

As you stood at the rail, gazing out over the vast expanse of water stretching endlessly to the horizon, strong hands came to rest gently on your shoulders. The scent of salt spray and pine-filled your nostrils as a deep, rumbling voice spoke close to her ear.

"Sightseeing, little one?" The Stermhond asked, coming to stand beside you, hand draped over your shoulder. "Or perhaps... looking for a distraction?"

You turned to face him, taking in his ruggedly, slightly scared, handsome features. A smirk played at the corner of his lips as he looked down at you, his arm still resting on your shoulder.

"I… I was hoping to clear my head," You replied, barely above a whisper. You couldn't help but feel drawn to him despite not knowing him for long, despite the danger he represented. There was something about him that both excited and terrified you. "I've never been on a ship before... It's... Daunting... And I can't sleep"

The Stermhond chuckled, a low, sensual sound that made your heart race, his bold red hair framing his face a little, contrasting against his beautiful green eyes. "And what thoughts were troubling you so, little one? Perhaps I could provide a more… stimulating distraction."

"Is that an offer?" You teased, a coy smile playing across your lips. Despite everything you knew about pirates, or privateers, as he called himself, there was an undeniable allure to this man. His rough edges called out to the adventurous spirit inside you. "Because it seems like you're rather good at making them but would you be able to keep up?"

The Stermhond grinned, a playful glint sparking in his vibrant green eyes as he leaned in closer, bringing his face mere inches away from yours. He smelled like sea air and something undeniably masculine that made your knees weak. "Why, little one, when it comes to distractions, I'm an expert," He murmured, his voice a rich baritone that sent a thrilling shiver down your spine.

At that moment, surrounded by the endless blue expanse, the thrill of the unknown, and the intoxicating presence of this pirate, you felt a hunger stirring within you, a primal urge to surrender to the wildness that dwelled in these waters and in the man standing before you.

His breath ghosted over your skin, sending tingles racing through your body. You could almost taste the salt on his lips, the promise of adventure and forbidden pleasure hanging heavy in the salty air between you. His hand slid from your shoulder to cup your chin, tilting your face up to meet his intense gaze. "Tell me, sweet thing, what sort of distraction do you crave?" The Stermhond purred, his thumb stroking your lower lip as he waited for your response, emerald eyes burning with desire.

You kissed him hard, standing on your toes, as your lips met his, a growl of approval rumbled in his chest. The kiss was fierce, passionate, and filled with an unspoken promise of untamed pleasures yet to come. Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling yourself even closer to him, your breasts pressing against his firm chest.

He began to peel off his layers, revealing muscles earned from the life at sea, each layer discarded leaving you wanting more. The sight of his muscular torso sent a jolt of arousal coursing through your veins.

With surprising strength, the Stermhond hoisted you on a single arm, breaking the kiss only momentarily as he walked back to his quarters inside his ship. Once inside his quarters, he tossed you onto the soft bedding, the motion, paired with the ship's movement causing you to bounce enticingly as you landed. With a predatory grin, he towered over you, his towering frame casting a shadow across your curves.

He pulled you up, singlehandedly undoing your corset, pulling your dress as he kissed you roughly, he wanted to hear his name from you, but his identity was too big a secret, "I want you moaning 'Nik' as I fuck you." As he spoke those words, pressing into you fully, adrenaline coursed through your veins, your heart pounding wildly in your chest. His rough kisses left you breathless, his hands exploring every inch of your body as if committing it to memory.

With a swift tug, he removed your remaining garments, exposing your bare body to the cool air of the cabin. The contrast of warmth and cold made your skin prickle, heightening your senses. He wasted no time in lowering his mouth to your breasts, taking a nipple between his lips and sucking hungrily.

You let out a gasp as he effortlessly undid your corset, pulling your dress down to reveal your cotton garments underneath. His touch was possessive, claiming every part of you as his own. His words echoed in your ears, sending shivers down your spine. "Nik…" You whimpered, feeling his hardness press against you through your clothing. The thought of being taken by him was both terrifying and exhilarating.

His calloused fingers trailed over your soft skin, tracing the curve of your waist and hips before settling on the apex of your thighs. He stroked your slick folds, teasing your sensitive bud as he watched your face contort with pleasure. "So responsive already," he mused, relishing how easily he could stoke the flames of your desire.

His fingers circled and rubbed, building delicious pressure as you writhed beneath him. You arched your back, pushing your breasts further into his hungry mouth as you gasped and moaned his name.

"Please," you panted, desperate for relief from the building tension. "More…"

With a wicked grin, he started to kiss down your body, kissing his way down your quivering stomach, he settled between your legs, spreading them wide to grant him unfettered access to your most intimate area. His hot breath fanned over your slick folds, sending waves of pleasure rippling through your body. He licked along your slit, tasting your sweetness, before focusing on your throbbing clit, flicking it with the tip of his tongue.

He descended upon your cunt, his tongue delving deep to lap at your slick folds. He groaned at the taste of your arousal, savouring the tangy sweetness as he explored every crevice. His hands gripped your thighs, holding you open for his ravenous ministrations.

He flicked his tongue rapidly over your clit, the stimulation sending shockwaves of pleasure through your core. At the same time, he thrust two fingers into your tight channel, curling them to stroke that sensitive spot inside that made your legs quiver.

"Nnngh, yes!" you cried out, your nails digging into his scalp as he worked you over with relentless fervour. The dual assault of his mouth and fingers had you teetering on the brink of climax, your inner walls clenching around his digits in anticipation.

He continued his oral assault, alternating between long licks and focused attention on your swollen nub. Your juices coated his chin as he lapped at your essence, the obscene sounds filling the cabin mixing with your increasingly loud moans.

As your peak approached, he doubled his efforts, sucking your clit between his lips and flicking it mercilessly with his tongue while pumping his fingers faster, deeper, determined to make you fall apart on his mouth.

"NIK!" Your cries reached a fever pitch as your orgasm crashed over you, your inner walls spasming around his plunging fingers. He worked you through it, prolonging your ecstasy until you collapsed back onto the bed, spent and panting.

As you rode out the aftershocks, gasping for air, he slowly withdrew his slick fingers, bringing them to his mouth to lick them clean, savouring the taste of you. "Mmm, you taste divine," The privateer hummed.

Rising above you, Sturmhond captured your lips in a searing kiss, forcing you to taste yourself on his tongue. He settled himself between your thighs, grinding his thick cock against your quivering cunt. You could feel how hard he was, how much he wanted you.

Breaking the kiss, he gazed down at you with raw, animalistic lust blazing in his eyes. In one smooth motion, he pushed himself inside you, stretching you deliciously around his girth. A low groan escaped him at the sensation of your heat enveloping him so perfectly.

Your cries echoed throughout the ship, a lewd symphony that only added to the eroticism of the moment. Each thrust of his cock sent vibrations through your body, amplifying the sensations. You could feel every vein, every ridge of his shaft buried deep within you, stretching you to accommodate his size.

"I'm going to ruin you for other men," He growled as he drew back and slammed into you again, setting a punishing pace as he took you hard and fast, the slap of skin against skin ringing out in the small space. "You'll only be mine."

Your moans increased in the wooden walls as he pounded into you relentlessly, the force of his thrusts making the bed creak ominously. Each plunge of his cock seemed to strike that magic spot deep inside, sending sparks of pleasure shooting through your nerves.

The privateer's grunts grew louder, more bestial, as he chased his own release. He hooked your knees over his elbows, angling you to take him even deeper, the head of his cock slamming against your cervix with each brutal stroke.

"Nik! Nik! Oh gods, yes!" you wailed, your voice hoarse from screaming. Your nails scored down his back as he ravaged you, the pain only serving to heighten your pleasure. The intense pleasure triggered your next climax, sending you spiraling into yet another mind-shattering orgasm. Your inner walls clenched and rippled around his cock, milking him for all he was worth.

As he stayed inside you for a long while, he pinched and pulled at your clit to make you cum on his cock, your juices gushing out and coating his shaft as he rolled his hips, grinding against you to prolong both your orgasms, your brain turning mushy from the overstimulation. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent as he shuddered and jerked above you. He bit down on your shoulder, panting heavily, he collapsed onto you, his weight pressing you into the mattress as you both struggled to catch your breaths. After a moment, he lifted his head to gaze down at you, a satisfied smirk playing about his lips. "Still think I can't keep up?"

Sturmhond's movements became erratic, driven by primal instinct as he neared his climax. His cock swelled within you, his balls tightening in preparation for release. He leaned down, capturing your lips once more in a bruising kiss, muffling your screams as another powerful orgasm tore through you simultaneously with your last one. He roared your name like a battle cry, his seed spurting into you in hot, pulsing jets.

"Not bad for an old man," You panted, a mischievous glint in your eye despite your exhaustion. Your words seemed to ignite something within him, a renewed surge of energy and lust. With a growl, he flipped you over onto your stomach, pulling your hips up to present yourself to him. His hand cracked across your ass, the sharp sting quickly followed by soothing caresses.

"You're playing with fire, little girl, besides, I'm only two years older than you." He warned, landing another hard spank, watching his cum spurt out of your cunt with each impact. He spread your cheeks, exposing your dripping cunt to his hungry gaze. Leaning in, he dragged his tongue through your slick folds, savouring the musky flavour of your cum mixed with his own seed.

His fingers probed your stretched opening, scooping up the creamy fluid before bringing it to his lips for a taste. "Mmm, look at you…so messy, so dirty…" He murmured, his voice a low, seductive purr. "I'm going to have to punish this naughty cunt."

Without warning, he plunged two fingers knuckle-deep into your soaked heat, curling them to rub that sensitive spot inside. His thumb found your clit, circling it firmly as he finger-fucked you with ruthless intensity.

You whined with your face pressed into the pillow, sound muffled as you screamed in pleasure. His rough handling sent waves of bliss coursing through your body, rendering you utterly helpless beneath him. You could do nothing but accept his brutal fucking, the slap of flesh echoing in the room with each powerful thrust of his fingers.

"Oh gods, yes! More!" You begged, your hips bucking back against his hand, seeking more of that exquisite torture. The feeling of being so thoroughly taken, so completely fucked, drove you wild with desire.

"That's it, take it like the desperate slut you are." He growled, adding all four fingers to your already stuffed cunt, thumb still massaging your swollen clit. The stretch burned so good, pushing you right to the edge of too much. Just when you thought you couldn't take anymore, he scissored his fingers inside you, spreading you open wider.

Tears streamed down your face from the overwhelming stimulation, drool pooling on the pillow below. Your entire body shook and twitched with pleasure, your mind hazing over with pure lust. He worked you closer and closer to another explosive climax, the pressure building in your core to unbearable levels.

His relentless assault on your cunt pushed you over the brink, your body convulsing as another orgasm ripped through you. Your inner walls clamped down on his invading fingers, rhythmically squeezing them as wave after wave of ecstasy washed over you.

As you came undone beneath him, squirting your release all over his hand and the bed, he continued his merciless fingering, continuing to pump his fingers in and out of your quivering cunt, drawing out your pleasure until you were a boneless, trembling mess. Finally, he slowed his movements, gentling his touch as he coaxed you through the final tremors. Only when your body went limp did he finally withdraw his drenched digits, admiring the sight of your gaping, twitching hole left behind.

With a wicked grin, he dived back into pleasuring your sensitive cunt. His tongue lapped at your wetness, savouring every drop of your sweet cum. He focused especially on your throbbing clit, flicking it mercilessly with his tongue.

He licked and sucked at your sensitive flesh, alternating between broad strokes and teasing flicks, keeping you balanced precariously on the knife's edge of sensation.

"Too much," You cried out, buckling your hips as he held them still, it felt like you could cum from a single touch by him, "Ah-"

Your legs began to tremble, threatening to give out entirely if not for his firm grip on your hips. He could feel you teetering on the brink again, your body tensing, preparing for another shattering climax. With a final, hard suck on your clit, he sent you hurtling over the precipice once more, your vision whiting out as rapture consumed you.

Your orgasm crashed over you like a tidal wave, leaving you gasping and shuddering helplessly beneath him. He rode out the aftershocks with you, his tongue never ceasing its relentless assault on your oversensitive clit until you were a whimpering, spent mess.

Finally, he pulled back, giving your abused clit one last tender lick before crawling up your body to claim your lips in a searing kiss. His tongue delved deep, tasting himself on your tongue, mingling with the remnants of your own arousal.

Breaking the kiss, he looked down at you, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction and a hint of cruel amusement. "So many orgasms in one session? That's impressive," He mused, wrapped an arm around you.

His laughter rumbled through his chest as he gathered you close when he noticed your dropping eyes, tired, your sweaty bodies pressing together intimately. He rolled onto his side, pulling you with him so that you lay draped across his broad frame. One large hand stroked idly along your spine while the other tangled in your damp hair, gently massaging your scalp. For several long moments, you simply lay there, basking in the afterglow. Gradually, your breathing slowed, and heart rates returning to normal, eyes dropping shut.

[thesuntomyshadows]

Nikolai: If Y/N thinks they can just bat their eyelashes at me and get whatever they want from me...

Nina: They are absolutely right?

Nikolai: They are absolutely right.

[stray-kaz]

An Unexpected Prince : a Jesper Fahey x Lantsov!reader sequel to Little Lantsov

Summary: in this sequel, Jesper finds out he fathered a son he didn’t know about.

Months had gone by since the war for Ravka started, but it was finally over and Nikolai had finally come home. You rushed to find him in the palace, ignoring your mother’s upturned nose and filthy looks.

You finally found your brother in the entry hall and walked towards him with a sheepish smile and his blue gaze was instantly drawn to your rounded stomach.

“What - ?”

Words, for once, failed him, and you lifted one shoulder in a half shrug.

“Remember what you said about no more illegitimate babies?” you asked him, sweeping your hands over your belly.

Nikolai nodded and pointed.

“Is that Jesper Fahey’s child?”

You nodded.

“His. A prince or a princess. Only time will tell.”

Nikolai sighed.

“Does Mother know?” he asked you.

You raised your eyebrows.

“What do you think, brother?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed harder.

“And here I thought I had just won a war” he muttered, slinging an arm across your shoulders. “Come on. Let’s go win another one.”

Years passed between the official end of the Ravkan war and the arrival of unexpected post in Ketterdam. Kaz took but a single glance at the addressee and sighed, searching the room for Jesper. He was sitting across on the other side, playing a game of cards with Nina, who was trouncing him.

“Jesper!”

He looked up, locked eyes on the stiff gold edged envelope in Kaz’s hand, and rose from his seat, approaching with interest. Jesper slid the envelope from gloved fingers and ran a finger beneath the glued edge to free it, sticking the same finger in his mouth when the hard edge of the paper sliced into it.

“Ouch” he mumbled, and Kaz rolled his eyes.

Jesper withdrew a sheet of cream coloured parchment, thick and smooth to the touch. He read aloud, gathering the attention of the others who crowded in to hear.

“Jesper Fahey and the Crows” he started, then glanced at Kaz to see how he would react to that; he didn’t respond. “Please be expecting an official visit soon from the Lantsov princess and her brother, the king of Ravka. They are looking forward to making your acquaintance once again.”

Inej raised her eyebrows at Jesper, a tiny smile playing about the corners of her mouth.

“Just how much of an acquaintance did you make with this princess?” she asked him.

He shrugged, refolding the paper and slipping it back inside its envelope.

“Why would you ask that?” he replied.

She prodded a finger at the envelope still in his hand.

“It’s addressed very specifically to you, Jes” she reminded him. “You obviously made an impression.”

Jesper cleared his throat and avoided Nina’s suspicious gaze.

“I don’t know about that” he muttered. “We were perfectly civil, nothing more, nothing less. Perfectly upright and upstanding.”

Nina’s eyebrows shot up and a mischievous glint came into her eyes.

“No inappropriate behaviour?” she queried, smirking.

Jesper shook his head.

“None” he said, too quickly.

Nina glanced at Inej.

“We’ll see about that” she said. “We’ll just have to ask her when she gets here.”

Before Jesper could protest that action, the two women disappeared, heads close together, whispering.

You and Nikolai stopped just outside the Slat, still the primary home of the Crows, even after Kaz had bought out most of the Barrel over the last few years. Nikolai glanced down at you, then at the toddler scuffing his shiny black boots in the dirt, one small hand captured by each of you.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked quietly, reading your anxiety.

You nodded, mouth set firmly.

“He deserves to know he has a son” you said. “And Nico deserves to know who his father is.”

The boy in question stopped scuffing in the dirt and peered up at you beneath a mop of black curls, Lantsov blue eyes shining out of his face.

“Mama, are we going in or not?”

“Yes, little man. Come on then.”

You walked with him up the steps and knocked once before Nikolai pushed the door open and let you inside ahead of him. The Crows saw Nikolai first, a good head and shoulders taller than you, and assembled into a loose line, Kaz slightly out in front.

Jesper only had a gaze for you in that first moment, but then you led your son forward and his brown eyes widened in shock. Nina almost collapsed in peals of laughter, leaning against Inej’s shoulder, herself shaking with mirth. Matthias stood blinking, looking back and forth between Jesper and the little boy wearing his face, the only visible differences being the blue eyes and a slightly lighter shade of skin. Wylan couldn’t help staring; it was like looking in Jesper’s mirror, like glimpsing him as a young child in the past.

Kaz glanced from the boy to his sharpshooter and rolled his eyes at Jesper’s stunned mullet expression. He hadn’t moved an inch and the boy’s bright eyes had found him immediately, drinking him in with all the trepidation and curiosity a three year old could possess.

“Mama, is that my da?” Nico asked, tugging on your hand.

“Yes” you said softly, trying not to startle Jesper again.

You bent and lifted the boy into your arms, straightening just as Kaz lost patience and thumped Jesper in the stomach with the blunt head of his cane. He doubled over slightly and came back to life, glowering at Kaz, who shrugged at him.

“You were acting a fool” he said remorselessly. “The prince is clearly yours, Jesper.”

Jesper’s lips moved then, but no sound came out. He coughed and tried again.

“Prince?” he eked out.

You took a step closer and Nico reached out to gently, cautiously touch his palm to Jesper’s cheek.

“Prince Dominic Niklaus Lantsov of Ravka” you announced. “We call him Nico.”

Jesper lifted a hand and pressed it against the boy’s, gently keeping it in place. He looked over your head and met Nikolai’s waiting gaze.

“You were there when he was born?” he asked, and Nikolai nodded. 

Jesper inhaled shakily and you looked up at him in surprise to see his eyes shining with unshed tears.

“Can we go somewhere, please?” he asked you quietly.

You nodded and handed Nico off to his uncle, kissing his warm cheek before following Jesper upstairs to his room. You sat down on his bed and watched him as he paced to and fro in front of you, his hands shaking slightly. 

“Jesper...” you said quietly.

He instantly stopped and faced you, eyes wide.

“Why didn’t you tell me about him?” he demanded, his voice cracking a little on the last word. “How old is he?”

“Three.”

He threw up his hands.

“Three years? You couldn’t have written a letter or come to visit sooner?”

You sighed quietly.

“I would have written to you, but I knew you would want to come and see him, and there were still plenty of skirmishes between here and Ravka. It’s the same reason we didn’t travel sooner ourselves. I couldn’t risk him. He’s my baby, Jesper. He’s everything.”

You gazed up at him, silently begging him to understand. For a long pause, he just stared back at you, but then the tension flowed out of him and he dropped to his knees in front of you, clasping your hands.

“Can you stay for a while?” he asked, his voice soft and sending a tingle down your spine.

You nodded and he leaned forward, taking your mouth with his, your joined hands pressed against your stomach. After a few seconds, he parted from you and leaned his forehead on yours.

“I missed you, you know” he murmured, almost shyly.

You smiled, but before you could say anything, quick footsteps hit the floor and then Jesper found himself toppling sideways, a wriggling bundle of small boy sitting on his chest. He stared into the blue eyes and the boy grinned, revealing pearly white teeth. He slapped a hand down on Jesper’s forehead.

“Tag, you’re it!” he crowed, then bounded off him and away out the door and back down the stairs.

You burst out laughing as Jesper blinked up at you from flat on his back for a moment, and then flipped to his feet. He spared you a brief kiss before running after his son, whooping and hollering as loudly as he could.

No pressure tag: @writingmysanity​

[igotanidea]

Love language : multifandom imagine

(this is multifandom, feel free to imagine whoever male character you like).

***

She never considered herself a person who would express love through touch.

Quality time, acts of service, gift giving? Yes, absolutely, in that particular order.

But the touch was always last, almost forgotten, if not neglected.

And then he came into her life.

And suddenly it was like her world turned upside down.

Suddenly, all she waited for, for the entire day was coming home from work, snuggling next to him, on the couch or – if it was a long day and they both got lucky enough to be home – into the bed – tracing patters on his biceps, on his chest, on his abs. Everywhere she could reach. Snuggling close to the point she was almost suffocating him with the affectionate behavior.

All she could dream about was the feel of his skin against her, of the warmth, of the safety of his embrace.

Suddently, there was no shame in falling on top of him, with hands spread on each of his side, so she could sense his every move, know exactly how his muscles were flexing when he was squirming.

Funny how things turn out.

[atlabeth]

I desperately need you to give me some jealous nikolai lanstov I'm not even jokinh

my love mine all mine

lowkey continuation of bad luck and im with you; can be read standalone though!

pairing: nikolai lantsov x fem reader

summary: after your return to ravka, nikolai's resolve is tested at a ball.

a/n: i have saved this ask since september because i knew one day i would get around to it. i love nikolai lantsov and i dont write jealous fics often so here we go!! this is technically a continuation of bad luck and im with you but you can read it separately. i keep going back to these two for some reason lmao?? idk. theyre childhood friends to lovers with so much strife in between and that's so special to me lmao. but yah enjoy i MISSED WRITING FOR HIM<3

wc: 2.8k

warning(s): nikolai is a lil jealous obviously! small bit of angst, mostly fluff, lil steamy at the end.

Nikolai feels his lip curling, feels his hand tighten on his glass. 

This is a party. A ball, more specifically, but a celebration nonetheless. He should be smiling, mingling, talking up some baron or duke in the name of Ravka’s economy. He is a prince, after all—a bastard, second son of a prince that plans to take the throne at that—and he’s just returned from years at sea. It is in his best interest to do what he does best and talk as much as possible. If anything, he should be arm in arm with the Sun Summoner to boost both their positions. 

But all he can do is stare at you. 

You’re the embodiment of grace. Your practiced smile looks wholly genuine no matter how long you have to keep it up. Your laugh seems to make others smile without even realizing, ringing out clear like church bells. It’s a sound Nikolai knows he would worship to the end of his days, at least. 

You stand in the midst of noblemen and Nikolai only recognizes one—Artem Aslanov, a son of nobles that the two of you spent much of your youth with. He wonders if you remember each other as well. He certainly seems to, the way he stands just a bit too close to you, the way he’s absolutely eager for your attention. Nikolai holds back a scoff. 

The others are likely from various other Ravkan settlements, though one has to be Kaelish, with his almost offensively ginger hair. 

Not that any of it matters, though. Not one of them can tear their eyes away from you as you talk, magnetic with both your words and inherent charm, and they drink up every bit of your presence. 

Something stirs inside Nikolai at the sight. Logically, he knows he has little to worry about—he knows this is your duty as much as it is his, and you care little for any man’s affections but his. 

But Saints, his heart does not want to listen to silly things such as logic. In this moment, Nikolai is reminded of the truth at its barest—you’re a noblewoman of good breeding, quite extravagant wealth, and considerable beauty. Your years at sea have caused you to develop a quick wit and sharp tongue, and it only serves to make you more appealing.

Your flashy return to Ravka has made you perhaps the most desirable lady at court, and Nikolai is forced to realize he no longer has you all to himself anymore. 

Nikolai has planned to come back and take the Lantsov throne for years now, but he can’t help but long for those days again. Teaching you all the ins and outs of the Volkvolny, how to do every sailor’s knot he knows, showing you the misty mountains of the Wandering Isle and the rolling fields of Novyi Zem and the wonderful world outside of Ravka’s courtly constraints. 

Taking over the ships of slavers and clashing blades with drüskelle and watching a thousand sunrises and sunsets together, unbound by anything but tangled up in every part of each other. 

It was almost laughable. You were worried of Nikolai charming others upon your return, and yet here he was, unable to look away from you for even the slightest second because he was jealous of some noble son.

“Your Highness, are you alright?” 

Nikolai turns back to the conversation he is meant to be paying attention to, already offering a smile that he hopes will make up for his utter lack of focus. Of course, he doesn’t really care what this Kerch merchant thinks of him, and Nikolai’s word will probably mean little to his parents at the moment. They’re still quite angry at him for all his Sturmhondish escapades. This man, whose name he has already forgotten, doesn’t seem to know he’s wasting his time. 

“Of course I am,” he says, and he pats him on the shoulder. He means to say more, but then he catches a glance of Artem pulling you to the side, his hand lingering on your waist much too close for comfort. He’s surprised he doesn’t break his glass with how his fingers clench around it even tighter.  

“Then I would be honored for you to consider my—” 

“I apologize, Jansen.” Nikolai ignores the look on his face at both his interruption and being called the wrong name as he drops his hand. “It’s been wonderful chatting with you, but I’m afraid I must take my leave.” 

Nikolai departs before he can get another word out. He’s sure he’ll get an earful later for his ‘disrespect’ but again, he really could not care less. 

He expects to have to weave his way through the crowd, but a path parts for him wherever he moves. Benefits to being a Lantsov prince rather than another privateer on the sea, he supposes. He feels a number of eyes on him as he walks, but he’s focused on one thing and one thing only. 

Artem seems to be as well, seeing as he doesn’t even look up while he continues talking to you. Nikolai doesn’t blame him for being enraptured, but he does wonder what he thinks that boorish smile will do to you. 

Nikolai exclaims your name as he comes up next to you, sliding his arm around your waist like he’s done a thousand times before and claiming his place at your side. “I’ve been looking for you, milaya. You’ve been awfully popular tonight.”

Your gleaming gaze turns to him and Nikolai feels like he can melt. It doesn’t matter how many times you look at him—not even Alina can muster up something to rival your brightness. 

“Nikolai!” 

Again, the way you say his name makes him weak at the knees. The poshness of your Ravkan faded while you were at sea around common sailors and vagrants, and though he can tell you’re trying your best to hide it in the name of courtly etiquette, it still bleeds through. He adores your accent, how it shows the woman you’ve become rather than the girl you ran away from. 

“I’ve been looking for you,” you counter as you lean into him. You’ve applied some fanciful perfume, and it’s intoxicating. He has to stop himself from inhaling deeply—he has little shame when it comes to you, but he’s got to have some poise. “You’re the belle of the ball, Mister Prince.” 

“And you’re the apple of everyone’s eye, lapushka,” he says. “Especially mine.” 

Your heartbeat has been steadily increasing ever since he slotted himself at your side, and he can feel it speed even more with his words. It makes Nikolai smile without even fully realizing it. 

He feels Artem’s gaze on him all the while, and Nikolai chooses to ignore it until now. He looks up, making sure his eyes widen cartoonishly and his smile deepens with the same caliber. “Aslanov! I’m so sorry, I didn’t even notice you!” 

“Your Highness,” he says, polite but terse as he bows his head. “It’s good to see you—it has truly been too long.” 

“Oh, no need for titles,” Nikolai admonishes. “We’re all friends here, are we not?”

He puts particular emphasis on that word, and Artem shifts ever so slightly under Nikolai’s gaze. So he makes him nervous—good. 

“We are,” he agrees, and he looks back at you. “We were merely catching up—it has been years since I last had the good fortune to be in your presence.” Artem smiles at you once again, far more genuine than anything he’s given Nikolai. “Of course, I look forward to hearing about everything you learned at university.” 

“I’ve certainly learned a lot,” you say. Very tongue-in-cheek—you don’t even try to hide it. 

Of course. The cover story for Nikolai’s being away from court was his apprenticeships, culminating in his studies at the University of Ketterdam—it would be a shame of the highest order for your parents to admit you ran away to avoid the marriage they’d planned for you, and even more so to admit it had gotten their daughter kidnapped by slavers, so they simply said you joined him there. 

Advancing your studies for a better view, they’d spouted. We want our heir to be well-educated on all matters of the world. Nikolai knows you learned more on the seas by his side than you would have in a classroom staring at endless amounts of books. He only regrets he can’t shout how amazing you’ve been for the past few years from the rooftops. 

“Perhaps we could discuss it privately some time.” Nikolai will give it to him; his smile is a bit more charming this time. He still wants to punch it off him. “You know, my family has only refined our winemaking over the years—we’d have a wonderful time with a bottle of our finest red—”

“Unfortunately, it will have to wait,” Nikolai cuts in before you can respond. He can’t help it—he’s raring to have you to himself, and he doesn’t know how much more he can take of Artem’s flirting. “My parents are eager to speak to you, darling. We’ll see you around, Aslanov.” 

He pulls you away, once again feeling Artem’s eyes on the two of you. He purposefully pulls you closer against him—your warmth against him does wonders to quell the spike of jealousy in his chest.

“You really are impossible,” you say wryly, but you make no move to part from his side as he leads you through the crowd. 

“I’m just making sure he understands the situation,” Nikolai says innocently. 

“We were just talking,” you say. “You know, it has been years.”

“You were,” he agrees. “But our friend here was very interested in trying to be more. Couldn’t you tell?”

You laugh and you place your hand on his chest. “Nikolai Lantsov, are you jealous?”

“He was talking about his family’s vineyard.” He smiles back at you in turn. He can’t help the bit of bravado that trickles in. “For me to be jealous, I’d have to think he had a chance.”

“Saints, you are!” you exclaim. You stop, halting him in turn, and you grin at him with a twinkle in your eye. Again, he smiles subconsciously just at the sight of it. “Nikolai, I cannot believe you!” 

“How?” he asks, cocking his head boyishly. “Have you caught a glimpse of yourself tonight?”

“I’ve looked at myself in the reflection of every glass,” you say dryly. “After all the time spent in sea-faring clothes, it’s very strange to be back in gowns.”

“Then you should know how absolutely stunning you are,” he says. “Breathtaking, showstopping, the very image of perfection…” Nikolai runs his finger over the embroidery on one of your off-the-shoulder sleeves. The rest of his hand lingers on your bare skin, and he longs to remove the barrier his gloves have created. 

“And yet it still doesn’t beat how you look in a privateer’s garb,” Nikolai says. 

He places his hand over yours and brings it up from his chest. He entangles your fingers and uses the grasp to pull you even closer to him, your chests nearly touching. The warmth of your body tempts him to go even further, but he holds back. 

“Really?” you ask. “This gown cost more vlachkas than anyone deserves, took the labor of a small army to create, and weighs as much as you do, and you like me more in that dingy jacket with pants that smell like gunpowder?” 

“Oh, yes,” Nikolai nods. “They don’t just smell like gunpowder—they make your rear look very appealing.” 

You laugh louder than you should and it draws eyes in your direction. You don’t pay them any mind, gaze still locked on Nikolai, as you hit him on the chest. 

“You still have the mind of a sailor, I see,” you drawl. “But I must admit I also miss it. The simplicity, if anything.” 

“Just because I didn’t keep a king’s mantle on deck doesn’t mean I wasn’t outfitted in the same gaudy way,” Nikolai says. “A Lantsov must always be prepared, you know.” 

“Well, I used to hate that blue frock of yours, especially when we first reunited,” you muse. You extract your hand and trail your fingers down his current coat—he shivers at your touch even through the material. “Now I think I prefer it over anything else in your wardrobe.”

He frowns. “You hated my coat?” 

“I hated a lot of things at the time,” you say wryly. Your hand finds its way back to his and you intertwine them together again. “Besides, it’s grown on me.” 

Nikolai chuckles, and the two of you fall silent when you shift and rest your head on his shoulder. You’ve managed to find your way to the edge of the ballroom, and it gives you a little more privacy. You stand together, watching as everyone mingles, half bearing a fake smile and the other half lying through their teeth. He didn’t think the Ravkan court would like to think they had more in common with his lying, cheating, stealing crew than they thought.  

“So,” Nikolai says, finally breaking the silence, “is being back everything you’ve imagined?”

You huff. “Hardly. Everything is so… restrained.” 

He hums in acknowledgement. “Speaking of restrained, have your parents gotten over their fit yet?” 

Your laugh is sharper this time. “Once again, hardly. You’d think I murdered the queen the way they’re treating me.” 

Nikolai expected that, to be honest. He insisted on being by your side in the initial reunion and they didn’t dare act out of turn in front of royalty, but you said the moment you returned to your palace apartment with them, they yelled at you loud enough to be heard in Novyi Zem. 

“They should be thankful,” Nikolai scoffs. “It’s like they don’t even care what nearly happened to you because of their haste to marry you off.” 

“I don’t even like to think about it,” you murmur. He feels you shiver and he pulls you even closer to him. “But I was right—they want me to be who I was before I left. They’re even convinced that they can get me to agree to the marriage they’ve got planned.” 

His frown deepens. “Saints, must I sweep you off your feet in front of all of Ravka to get everyone to realize you’re a taken woman? I am a very good shot, but I’ve only got so many bullets—”

“Nikolai,” you interrupt with a laugh, raising your head to look him in the eye. He’s glad to see the lightness has returned. Your near fate isn’t a subject either of you like to talk about. “You don’t need to worry, and you certainly don’t need to worry about that.” You cup his cheek with your hand and he leans into your touch. “If one thing has stayed the same through all of this, it’s that you’re the only one out there for me. After all the pomp and circumstance you have to perform with Alina is over, you can tell them yourself.” 

“Good,” Nikolai says with a slight smile. “Because I don’t think I can stand to hear Aslanov talk about the grapes his family’s been growing for another second.” 

You laugh again, and you lean in to press a kiss to his lips. Nikolai beats you to it as he covers your hand with his own, using his other to draw you even closer. Practically every part of you is touching as he kisses you like a starving man, with your lips against his and your perfume invading his senses and your soft moan that’s muffled against his mouth. After a night spent away from your side and having to watch other men compete fruitlessly for your affections, he might as well be. 

When you finally pull away, lipstick a mess and pupils dilated and expression nothing less than adoration, it takes everything Nikolai has in him not to take your face in his hands and do it all over again. He wants to mess up your hair, your makeup, kiss your lips until they’re swollen and ravish, worship your body until you can think of nothing but him, say nothing but his name. 

“Nikolai,” you gasp, interrupting his sinful thoughts, “do you want to get out of here for a bit?” 

Whatever restraint he previously had dissolves with your words as he kisses you again, harder this time. You’re water when he’s dying, a lifeboat when he’s drowning, the very air he needs to breathe. Everything has come to a head after such a boring, strength-testing night, and all Nikolai wants is you. 

He brings you even closer with the arm he has around your waist, already starting to pull you along as he heads towards the doorways. He’s sure to stick to the walls, not wanting to draw more attention than necessary when even the flushed warmth of your heated skin through his jacket is enough to drive him crazy. 

Nikolai doesn’t know how he ever spent seven years away from you. He could barely handle half a ball. 

“More than anything,” he breathes. 

[that-one-ostrich-friend]

winter fete

nikolai lanatov x reader - winter fete

word count: 650

summary: just a short blurb of nikolai and y/n’s quiet morning before the chaos of the winter fete <3

warnings: manwhore nikolai aka just nikolai

a/n: a little christmas gift to all the nikolai fans

The golden morning light poured into the room, casting a soft glow on the snow-dusted windows and the couple nestled beneath the thick blankets. Y/N was the first to stir, her eyes fluttering open as she stretched lazily against the warmth of Nikolai’s bare chest. His arm tightened instinctively around her, pulling her closer before she could even think of moving.

“You’re awake,” Nikolai murmured, his voice deep and rough with sleep.

“So are you,” she replied, smiling softly as she tipped her head to look at him. His hair was an artful mess, and his sleepy grin made her heart flutter.

“Only because I felt you move. You’re far too distracting to sleep through,” he said, leaning down to brush a kiss against her forehead.

Y/N chuckled and settled back into his embrace. “It’s too early for such flattery, Nikolai.”

“It’s never too early to remind you how stunning you are,” he countered, his hand trailing lazily up and down her back.

They stayed like that for a while, wrapped up in the quiet warmth of the morning. Nikolai’s fingers traced absent patterns along her skin as she sighed contentedly against him.

Eventually, he shifted, reluctantly sitting up. “As much as I’d like to stay in bed all day, I have something for you.”

“For me?” Y/N raised an eyebrow, her curiosity piqued.

He smirked, reaching over to the nightstand where a small velvet box waited. Returning to her side, he opened it with a flourish to reveal a striking ruby necklace nestled in gold.

“Nik…” Her breath hitched as her fingers lightly brushed the pendant.

“It reminded me of you,” he said simply, his voice soft. “Fiery, radiant, impossible to look away from.”

Y/N sat up, allowing him to fasten the necklace around her neck. The ruby sparkled against her skin as his hands lingered at her shoulders. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the nape of her neck before pulling back to admire his handiwork.

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered, her fingers resting over the gemstone.

“Not nearly as beautiful as you,” Nikolai replied, his lips finding hers in a slow, deliberate kiss.

Her hands slid into his hair as the kiss deepened, his touch sending warmth flooding through her. When they finally broke apart, Nikolai’s lips wandered to her jawline and down to her neck, his kisses slow and deliberate.

“I should warn you,” Y/N murmured, her voice breathy as he continued kissing along her collarbone. “You’re not the only one with a surprise waiting.”

He paused, his lips hovering just above her skin. “Oh?”

“I have something special for you,” she said, her fingers tracing the line of his jaw. “But you’ll have to wait until tonight.”

Nikolai chuckled, his teeth grazing her skin in playful retaliation. “You’re going to make me suffer through the entire day, aren’t you?”

“Consider it a lesson in patience,” she teased, her fingers toying with the ends of his messy hair.

“You’re wicked,” he murmured against her skin, pressing another kiss just below her ear.

“And yet, you adore me,” she countered with a grin.

His lips curved into a smile against her neck. “More than you know.”

They eventually shifted back into a comfortable embrace, their conversation turning to the evening’s winter fête.

“Are you ready for tonight?” Y/N asked, resting her head against his chest.

“Ready to endure endless small talk and diplomatic niceties?” Nikolai sighed dramatically. “Not particularly.”

“You’ll be brilliant,” she said, running her fingers lightly across his chest. “You always are.”

He tilted her chin up, his gaze warm as he studied her. “As long as you’re by my side, I’ll manage.”

“You know I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” she replied softly.

They stayed wrapped up in each other, the ruby around her neck catching the morning light as the snow continued to fall outside. For now, the world could wait.

[muxshwriting]

bloody rags and white flags

Nikolai Lantsov x reader

summary: being a spy for the crown had some occupational hazards, but those hazards aren't meant to stay with you when you're home || warnings: blood, light gore, mentions of fighting, mentions of murder, language || word count: 1136 || masterlist

Nikolai loved being King. He helped his people in ways he could not before, in ways no one had before. But he also hated being King. He hated the power it gave him, he hated how it made him separate to everyone else again. All he wanted was to lie in bed with his love by his side, but that could prove impossible.

Yet again Nikolai was reminded of something his brother had told him. "This country gets you in the end, brother. don't forget it." And Ravka had got him. You were heading off West, far away from Nikolai and their home. He longed for you, wished you were home but knew you had to be apart. You had duties, just as Nikolai did.

"Long may you reign Moi Tsar." You lowered yourself onto a knee and laid your dagger on the floor in front of you. It was the same thing you had done for his father, declaring your loyalty and swearing your life for his.

But Nikolai wanted nothing more than to pick you up and throw your stupid dagger away. He did not need her to be a humble servant to a king. He did not need to be king. He wanted to spend the rest of his days sailing on a ship and adventuring around the world. He wanted to meet a pretty girl in a tavern, like they had first met and he wanted to be happy.

He did not want you on your knees like this. He wanted you beside him.

"You're all dismissed." Everyone else in the room begins to filter out. You stand, retrieving your dagger and following everyone else out. "Not you."

You waited until everyone had left before speaking. "Nikolai... I have to go."

"No you don't." Nikolai whispered, his eyes pooling with tears. "You could stay here. You could stay with me."

Your eyes mirrored Nikolai's, shining like stars from your unshed tears. You slowly shake your head and went to turn away. "Look Nik, I have to go on this mission. Ravka needs this. There's no one else who can do what I can do."

Your was almost out the door when Nikolai found his voice once more. "How long?"

"I don't know."

It's six months later when Nikolai is informed that you've returned. Everyone at the palace knew what was going on between you two, it was everything except official. He let you submit your reports, signing off on what was needed before approaching you.

"Your blood?" Nikolai asked quietly.

You hadn't expected Nikolai to be awake at this hour of night, let alone use his time to come and see you. It had been too long to imagine that nothing had changed. Your head dropped as you sighed. "I didn't think you'd be awake."

"Your blood?" He asked again, ignoring your previous statement. He's referring to the splatters and darker spots on your clothes.

"No." You're not entirely sure but you don't think it's yours.

The fire was still glowing and the candles were still burning as walked over to her. You didn’t meet his eye. “I know why you do this.” He whispered. “I just wished you didn’t.”

Your patience snapped. It had been a long day, a difficult day: your entire body ached from travel and fighting and you just wanted to rest. Now Nikolai was questioning your entire life and what you had been trained for. "Not everyone can be born royal."

"You could become royal." He didn’t seem to realise that he was aggravating her.

"No." She said pointedly. "We've already discussed that that's never happening."

Nikolai silently brushed your jacket off your shoulders and folded it over a chair. "Do you want me to draw you a bath?"

You shook your head. "Don't worry the servants this late. I just need to sleep."

Nik kept peeling your outer layers from you, like he peeled back your cold exterior to reveal the woman he loved. "Come to mine."

He was inviting you to his bed, instead of the cold bedchambers you inhabited before you left. If you had gone to your rooms, they would be frigid, furniture covered with cloths from your unknown date of return.

"Alright." It's a whisper, but a whisper Nik runs with.

He leads you through the hallways, avoiding eye contact with any servants or guards you pass. The closer you get, the heavier your limbs feel. Your head is growing tired and the corners of your vision fading. Nikolai notices your stumbled steps and loops an arm around you. "Not long now."

You muster a small smile as you finally reach the door of his chambers, and you're lowered into a chair by the roaring fire. With tingling fingers, you unbutton the rest of your clothes as Nikolai fetches a shirt for you. Your eyes slip shut as he returns and a horrified gasp fills the air.

"You said it wasn’t your blood."

Your eyelids are like lead as you peel them open and glance down. There's two slash wounds across your chest and stomach, probably from a blade that you hadn't noticed yourself getting. There still bleeding, an insistent flow that gathers and soaks into your shirt.

"I didn't even- I didn't know." As you move to touch the slices, the pain finally hits you full force. The ache that had been all encompassing of your body now centred on your midriff, sending shocks up your spine. "Shit. I-"

"It's okay." Nikolai's gone from standing to kneeling before you, using your soiled shirt to press into the wounds and staunch the bleeding. It stings but you know he's making it better. Through your pain and fatigue, you didn't notice Nik calling for some servants to bring him supplies. He cleaned your wounds, holding you to his chest as he checked you for any other injuries you'd been hiding.

"I was wrong." You whisper into his ear as he wraps a bandage around you.

Nikolai‘s eyes shone. "I’m sorry, what did you say?"

"I was wrong. About my job, about you."

"I-"

"Don't you dare say I told you so."

Nikolai shrugs. "I did tell you."

"Shut up."

He's silent for a moment before checking with you again. "Are you sure? I know how much this job meant to you, no matter how much it hurts."

"Maybe it's time to call it a day. Do something better with my life."

Nik hums in response as you settle into bed. He holds you close, letting his hand rest just above your heart.

"I want to come home to you without worrying about when I'll have to leave again. I don't want to come home injured every time. I want-"

"Anything you want you'll get." He interrupts. "All you have to do is ask."

[serpentthecrow]

Sleepy time with the grishaverse characters

A/n: I... Don't even... Sorry about that. My executive dysfunction did its magic. But here you have this as a peace offering since you guys liked the crows one. I can't even believe how long it's been. I'm probably not going to keep writing too many fics, if any at all. But this one's mandatory. And short.

Summary: headcannons on the sleeping habits of (some of) the grishaverse characters.

Alina Starkov

Hear me out

The girl's out like a light

Exactly the type of person to roll around the bed, end up in peculiar positions, and mainly, accidentally slap you or kick you in her sleep

Isn't picky, but if she COULD choose- only the softest mattress, duvet and pillows

She's petty like that

Has absolutely no night routine. Like. NONE.

Owns no pajamas. Just normal clothes passing as sleep clothes.

Gonna use her sun summoner powers when getting up in the middle of the night to fetch water etc., only to curse profusely because ✨light sensitivity✨

Midnight snacks. No elaboration is needed.

Definitely owns a stag plushie. Cause poor thing.

Mal Oretsev

Sleeps like he's in a coffin

No honestly. Like, on his back, straight as a plank. Psychopath.

The nightmares tho.

The biggest duvet stealer

Never actually uses the duvet tho. Kicks it away every time

Can barely be bothered to change

Absolutely cannot be bothered to make the bed

Hasn't got a single idea how to put on a bedsheet

Red flag: eats in bed too often

Occasionally has a dream about Nikolai throwing him overboard Volkvolny and grinning down at him, saints know why.

Would fall asleep under any circumstance. Light, loud sounds, anything. Bang two pans repeatedly next to his head, and the guy will still fall asleep if he's sure he can afford to.

Has a phoenix plushie. Pun intended.

Aleksander Morozova

does this guy even sleep? Questionable.

But in case he does:

A side sleeper

Surprisingly heavy sleeper

Rarely sleeps in bed when unsupervised tho. Not uncommon for him to fall asleep in a chair.

Black silk sheets only.

Talks in his sleep

Seriously.

If someone walked in on him sleeping, he'd be long since executed for treason.

Absolutely unaffected by caffeine

Produces a whole lotta shadows before going to sleep, roused by the slightest amount of light.

The extensive night routine is canon.

Doesn't have a plushie. The only one in this hc series btw.

Nikolai Lantsov

my favorite sailor bo- anyway

(Let's ignore Volkralai for the purpose of these hc's)

A stomach sleeper. We stan.

A pillow hugger. We stan.

Mostly blue bedding, especially in the palace or the spinning wheel, since we all know he misses the sea.

Another one with a whole-ass night routine.

Reduced amount of clothes when sleeping- usually just pants

They're pajama pants tho

Has some trouble falling asleep on land, he's used to the rocking of the ship

nap king, especially as Sturmhond

Reads a LOT before bed

A night owl- has to be reminded to got to sleep

Sometimes starts to rant about some invention of his

C A N N O T fall asleep without cuddles. Like, he's physically unable

The biggest manchild about waking up early.

Has a fox plushie. A fact.

Genya Safin

babygirl has nightmares, okay? Gotta start with that.

lowkey got accustomed to some level of luxury in Os Alta

not the biggest fan of cuddling. For understandable reasons

a warm beverage before bed

fuzzy socks

tries to maintain an exact time to go to sleep but ultimately fails because she's got trouble falling asleep

probably improves on her sleeping habits once she becomes a part of the triumvirateonly cause she has to tho

overthinking before sleep queen

does she have a plushie? Does David count? You tell me.

[somuchforahobby]

crawling back to you (pt. 2 of "how many secrets can you keep")

Second and final part of "how many secrets can you keep" Tags: Bad flirting + lots of angst + fluff Warnings: 1 mention of death / a few ugly arguments / you and nikolai are both jerks and u kinda hate zoya so sorry for that 😭 Word count: 5.5K GIFS belong to @dearemma Read on AO3 Writer's note: i am very happy this exists and I can't get enough of it but this might be my (temporary) goodbye to Nikolai. I hope you have enjoyed this ride as much as I have :)

-----

“Whatever we do next will define how wars are fought in the future. We should think about that.” Nikolai said before the council. He was standing beside the map, their closest advisors on his sides while you sat on your usual spot drinking coffee.

You changed your strategy; if before you avoided Nikolai at all costs, now you were everywhere he looked. You did not miss a single council meeting, breakfast or dinner, and invited him to everything your agenda allowed.

“You won’t win this war with the biggest weapon, Nikolai.” He turned to see you with wide eyes, you continued, “You will win this war with the fear you can inspire. An alliance with Shu Han and Novyi Zem will be enough for Fjerda to drop to their knees.” 

“And how, my dear wife, will I have that?” There was a slick of annoyance in his tone, your smirk deepend.

“When your beloved wife sends word to her daddy to stop supplying steel to anyone but Ravka and its allies.”

“I appreciate your enthusiasm, love, but that is not enough to make them fear us.” His gaze returned to the army generals.

“It would also be a shame if Kerch pirates sacked Shu Han and Novyi Zem, don’t you think?” 

“That would be very interesting.” Zoya turned to see you with a grin, “how would you reach out to them?”

“Oh well, a Queen can not have any sort of link to lowlifes and scoundrels, can she?” You shrugged, “But it wouldn’t surprise me if Kerch’s organized crime learnt of Ravka’s economic interest with their country and decided to protect them. With the right incentives, of course.” You took a sip of your coffee, feigning innocence.

“I will not pay for pirates nor organized crime to do dirty work.” 

You rolled your eyes, “darling, pay attention here, you will not” your tone was obscenely condescending, “you nor Ravka will encourage them, they’ll do it because it’s what’s best for their own businesses.”

Nikolai sighed, his eyes still on the map.

“Can you make that happen?” Zoya asked, suddenly interested.

Your lips quivered, “maybe”

“What do you need for that maybe to become a yes?” She pressed.

“For the King to ask me very nicely.” You purred with a diabolical smirk.

***

“This is risky” Nikolai said while reading.

You sighed, thinking he would not agree to sign it. “Every reform process is a risk, it is a political decision whether or not to change your country into what you want it to be.”

His eyes remained reading, “but right now? In the middle of a war?” 

“There is never a good time to release women from oppression.” You decided to stand your ground.

His eyes finally raised to yours. “Would you have signed it?” There was a slight sadness in his question. 

The new law stated that all girls should attend school until eighteen years old, and then they could get married as long as they signed a declaration agreeing to the match.

“I don’t fall into that law because I am not Ravkan, Nikolai.” 

“But would you?” 

“I would have” you lied and he saw right through it, a hopeless sigh leaving his mouth. “Well no, not really” he nodded but before he returned his sight to the paper you continued, “at least not until I meet you.” 

That brought a smirk back to his face and air back to your lungs, “Would my dashing looks have been enough?” 

You tapped your finger on your mouth, fake-thinking, “well maybe after meeting you and seeing this place, I mean, look at it!” You turned to look at the walls around you.

“I like this, myshka, I really do” he moved the pages in his hands, “but it will cause us trouble.”

“Nikolai if you’re not gonna sign it just say it.” Your tone was soft and respectful, even if your blood was boiling. “I respect it.”

Without answering you he drew a signature at the end of the final page and extended the pages back to you. “You know what to do.”

Taking them, you rounded his desk until you were next to him, leaning against the wood. “Thank you, Moi Tsar.”

He leaned back into his chair, raising his face to look at you standing, “I’d recommend you learn to like my face better than this Palace darling, because after you have that published we might have to live in the tunnels.”

“I give you permission to throw me to the horde and save yourself.”

He smiled, “Now that is one idea that I won’t ever implement.”

After a minute of comfortable silence and staring, he extended one hand to you, you placed your own against his, which he then led to his lips, kissing your knuckles. 

“Your Royal Highness” a valet said from the door, “General Nazyalensky requested your presence in the war room.”

Nikolai sighed, exhaustion all over his grim face.

“Can I go with you?”

“This appears to be an urgent yet confidential matter.” The man pressed.

Nikolai looked at you, without granting you an answer. “May I please see you tonight?” He said, your knuckles still on his lips.

You sighed, a grimace on your face, “I guess not.” 

*** Every morning you asked for a tailor to make up your face, a slight blush on your cheeks, curling your eyelashes and fixing your hair was the standar. You also chose the tighter dresses with the lowest cleavage, just to torture Nikolai a little. You were the first to arrive at Council meeting and the last to leave, always pitching in ideas and debating the King’s strategies. And you came up with good ideas as well, you wanted to tease him but you also knew what was your goal in Council, but that morning the energy felt different.

It all had started when you walked in, nearly everyone looked at you strangely. Nikolai gave you his trademark smirk, gesturing to a seat next to him.

“Your majesty, the following information is sensitive, we recommend the Queen to leave the room.” a First Army general said after the first half of the meeting

“Excuse me?” you muttered, Nikolai placed a hand on your arm, insting you to calm down.

Your husband walked next to the officer, leaning close to him, listened to a few sentences before nodding and returning back to you.

“Myshka, for this time I think you should not be here.”

You did not give him an answer, you merely stood up and left.

You were waiting in his study when he walked in.

“May I say you look absolutely ravishing when you are upset?” Nikolai flirted with his usual smirk.

“You may but it will not change my mood.” 

“It might lead you to use your energy differently.” He winked as he approached you. “Please, darling, have a seat.” He sat next to you on the loveseat.

“What was that, Nikolai?” 

Leaning back in a relaxed position, he answered, “Ah, love I know my flirting is a bit rusty, but not enough to make you wonder what the hell am I doing”

“I am not in the mood for this, Nikolai-“

“Saints” he muttered,

“Why did you kick me out of council?” Your tone was firm but kind, even if you wanted to kill him right there and then, a part of you hoped he had a reasonable motive to do so.

“Ahh” he sighed, “there are delicate matters in this damned kingdom that I’d rather shield you from.”

“Like your late night buddy?” You pressed with a slight playful grin.

“Indeed” he matched your grin, “this one is a bit more… vulgar and common. It does not require your attention in the slightest.”

You scoffed, “As opposed to the gardens and the Palace decorations that require my intricate and academic dedication.”

“Precisely.” He smiled. “Dear, I wouldn’t have asked you to leave if it wasn’t a truly delicate matter I want you far away from.”

You nodded unconvinced, “Is it dangerous?”

“Not really.” He grabbed your hand and by the way he drew circles with his thumb, you knew it was, “I just think you’d sleep easier without this bit of information.” His fond smile made you trust him.

“Alright.” Your chin was up regally, “but please let this be the first and last time you kick me out of a political matter.”

“Of that you can be certain.” He kissed your knuckles to seal the deal.

***

It wasn’t. Which is why you had chosen a next victim in your war when you were on your way out after some First Army officer kicked you out of Council, again. 

“Count Nerenski, what a pleasure to see you again.” You said with a smile.

The man seemed tortured, a grimace on his face told you enough of how clear Nikolai’s threat had been. “Your majesty, the pleasure is mine.” He bowed awkwardly.

“I was just leaving for a walk, would you like to join me?”

The poor Count turned yellow, “I am here to see his Majesty, The King, I would not want to interfere with your plans for the day.”

“Nonsense!” you looped your arm on his, “Besides, my dear husband is really busy right now with the war council and he would not want you to wait by yourself.” 

He did not stir, he followed your pace easily, but if his slight trembling told you anything, it was that he was terrified. You sent a prayer for forgiveness to the Saints, but it was quickly dismissed when Anton began speaking.

Your mother was right when she said if you want to earn a man’s interest, ask him about himself. The man would not stop talking about his Estate, his hunting, his art; if this did not mean an easy win in your war against Nikolai, you would have left him standing outside the Palace for hours.

“You should visit my Estate soon, your majesty. I am sure we can find some other activities I can join you in while the Tsar is busy.” A flirtatious smile spread through his mouth.

“Perhaps” you fake-smiled and kept walking by his side, “where do you say it is?” 

While he spoke, you guided him to the very place in the gardens you knew was spottable from the war room, and just like magic, a guard appeared requiring Count Nerenski back in the Palace.

When you saw Nikolai standing by the dais, you did not hide your smirk, which he noticed and grinned back.

“Anton, what brings you around today besides flirting with my wife?” Nikolai spat at him as soon as you stepped inside the Palace.

Count Nerenski was appalled; the man was a flirt but you did not want him to be sent to prison. “Oh, love, you’re so funny!” You threw your arms around Nikolai’s neck, placing a kiss on his cheek, “I merely asked him to walk with me to the gardens while he waited for the council meeting to end.” 

Nikolai put a possessive hand on your waist, pulling you to him, the killer stare was still in his eyes. “Well, the council meeting is over so please, Anton, join me at my study.” He gestured to the hall, Anton following his instruction neatly. You hanged to his shoulders, your face inches from his. He turned to you with an amused smirk, “That was low.”

“All is fair in love and war.” You said with a seductive smile.

“Which one is this?”

“Both”

***

“Heading out, darling?” Nikolai asked from the dais of the stairs, your carriage already waiting outside.

“Yes, I have a busy day so if you don’t mind I will get going.” You answered without looking back. Your ladies in waiting, already standing by the carriage.

“I do mind” he approached, “I’m afraid I’ll miss you terribly so I must accompany you.”

You turned to find him much closer than you expected, “I’d be honored, moi tsar.” You gritted the words out.

“Two can play this game, myshka.” He said in your ear.

You visited a women’s hospital. In every room a young pregnant lady would batter her eyelashes at the King while you asked the nurses and doctors for their supply needs.

“Wouldn’t you like one?” The main doctor asked while you walked through the cradles.

Nikolai rushed to answer, “oh, doctor, we can’t wait to get that lucky.” You merely smiled.

“You do know how those are made, right?” You whispered to your husband while the doctor continued explaining the different areas of the hospital.

Nikolai scoffed, “would you like me to show you?” 

“I am just wondering if you actually know?” you asked sarcastically, “since you’re praying for us to get lucky while not getting it done.”

“I can’t have you questioning that, love, now can I?” With a hand on your waist and a winning smirk, he whispered, “I’ll answer you anytime, anywhere, as long as you drop your little hatred act.” He winked before following the doctor.

***

“I respectfully request your majesty to derogate this law that will hurt the Ravkan values and economy.” A Duke stood before you and Nikolai, making his case against your latest project. “Treats must be made over land, products and cattle, you can not take away one of the main strategies of negotiation.” 

“You will have to come up with new ways to negotiate that do not involve the freedom of children.” Nikolai tried to dismiss his claim.

“They are not children, they are women!” He pronounced it like an insult, making your skin crawl.

“They are human beings and wielders of rights, and as such they will be educated until eighteen years old and then, and only then, they will marry if they wish.” You sat next to your husband while he dictated his decision. Proud of him but upset that your ideas had brought him too many problems.

“When women are educated their value as a wife decreases, moi tsar.” The Duke insisted.

“I wholeheartedly disagree.” Nikolai’s comeback arrived with a smirk.

“The Kerch values are not Ravka’s” the Duke turned to you before returning his gaze to Nikolai, “There are businesses, alliances and peace that can only be granted with a marriage alliance, shouldn’t you know that moi tsar? Given you’re so engulfed by a common cunt.” The man spat on the floor, your eyes widened in horror.

Nikolai stood and the twins were beside him instantly, “seize him” he ordered, “take him to a cell, he will face a trial for injuries to the crown and treason. Take him out of my sight.” 

When he turned his body towards you his eyes were closed, his chest moving up and down in rapid motions.

“Thank you” you whispered.

“Do not thank me, a man like that has no place in my country.”

He stormed out of the throne room.

***

Most of the time you were not this anxious, but the festivities had you going ballistics. Back home, whenever you were this anxious, you’d cook, but in the Palace that was not a possibility you had, until today.

You were cutting vegetables when Nikolai walked in with a puzzled look on his face. “Your majesty?” He placed both hands on the counter, opposite from you. “What are you doing here?”

You scoffed looking at him; he was wearing his First Army uniform as always, with his hair perfectly in place, yet he was hunching on the kitchen of the Palace, where -you were certain- he had never been before. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“I am looking for my wife, have you been blessed to see her by any chance, cook?” He flirted.

“I don’t think so, no.” 

“Mmm” he sat on a stool, “is that enough for two?” With his chin he pointed at the vegetables you were boiling. 

“Depends”

“Oh?” He smiled, “on what?”

“On whether or not you’ll help me chop that.” You pointed at the onion with the knife. With a smile, he grabbed a chopping board, a knife and one onion. “How did you find me?”

“Tamar told you ran away, I sent a search party to town but the minute I saw Anna the cook sleeping in the gardens I knew where to find you.” He looked up with a grin, “why did you run?”

You sighed, “I was overwhelmed, Nik.”

His eyes widened for a second at the nickname, regaining his poker face shortly. “Overwhelmed by a party?”

“Overwhelmed that everyone knows my husband better than I do.” You did not meet his stare.

“That is not fair, some people here have known me my entire life.”

“I feel like an idiot when someone asks for your favorite color, food or music and I stand in silence while Genya answers everything in a heartbeat.”

Nikolai sighed, “Genya spent the last 15 years of her life with my mother, she knows those things” leaning back and folding his arms he continued, “green, pancakes and sea-shanties.”

A scoff left your mouth involuntarily, raising your eyes you found him smirking. “Thank you.”

“Yours?”

“Pink, the soup I am preparing and” you bit your lip thinking, “ars nova.”

He nodded, “Anything else you’d like to know?”

“Is this the first time you enter the kitchen?” You resumed your work and pointed the knife at his.

Nikolai laughed, denying with his head while chopping the onion, “You must remember I was the second son, and a bastard at that, I ate here all the time.” 

Your head shot up, “really?”

“Yeah, I was friends with the workers’ children, I’d sneak here to have a jam sandwich whenever.”

“And where did you learn to chop onions?” 

“At sea” he raised his eyes to you, “no fancy cooks 24/7 in the Volkvolny.”

“I can’t believe the fancy prince of Ravka would get his hands dirty.” You teased.

“And the King has a taste for getting dirtier, dear.” He shot you a wink and you blushed. He passed you the chopped onion and you put it in the soup, you did the same with your own work and then covered the pot. You turned to him with your arms folded.

“We have a few minutes, what do you have in mind?” 

He raised both eyebrows and smirked.

“Not that, definitely.” You rolled your eyes playfully.

“Why did you come here?” He asked, leaning forward on the counter.

“I craved normality, for once. And cooking gives me that sense of home.” 

Your confession made him smile, “so you kicked every worker out and threatened them for not telling anyone where you were, very normal dear.” 

You laughed, “I did what I could.” Your eyes wandered the place, “do you ever wonder if all this is necessary?” 

“The kitchenware? I think it is.” 

“No” a scoff, “all of this Nikolai. Thirty kitchen workers, seven gardens, a lake, a thousand rooms—“ 

“A monarchy” he interrupted you.

Your eyes returned to his, expecting to see him upset but he seemed relaxed, “maybe that too” 

Nikolai stood up and rounded the counter to stand in front of you. “Saints help me, my wife will be the leader of the revolution.” 

You looked up to him, just a step from you, and you realized just how big he was; his broad shoulders appearing bigger with the uniform lapels, your eyes barely reached his chest. He could overpower you so easily and yet you challenged him. “If you don’t treat me nicely I might.”

He laughed, extending both arms to the sides, “I will spend my life treating you more than nicely; not to keep my crown but to persuade you to keep yours.”

You turned to the pot, uncovering it to see the progress, in a lame attempt to hide from Nikolai.

“I miss you, myshka.” He put your hand between his gloved ones. 

“I miss you too.”

He pulled you to him, “then please let’s go back to where we were” his eyes were warm and kind on you, pleading.

“We can’t” your own filled with tears, “not until you trust me.”

“It’s me and the monster I do not trust.” His sobbed whisper broke your heart.

“I trust you enough for the both of us.” 

The next thing you knew his lips were on yours, both of his hands on your cheeks leaning you backwards to deepen the kiss. Your barriers were a joke, you gave up every single inch he demanded with his tongue. He pushed you against the counter, guiding you leg to his hip when the sound of water boiling made you push him away.

You gasped for breath while looking up to him, your hunger quickly shifting paths.

“You should take your seat.” You instructed him after regaining your breath.

“As you order, moi tsaritsa.”

***

You had a genuine smile on your face during Nikolai’s birthday party. You even opened the dance floor with him.

“This is lovely, myshka, thank you.” Nikolai said with a gilded smile as he swayed you through the dance floor.

“I’m glad you like it.” You smiled back.

His hands moved to your waist as a slower waltz played, “this is so easy” he whispered in your ear.

“Dancing?”

“Being your husband” Nikolai’s warm eyes sink into yours, “I don’t have to be anybody else, being myself is enough.” 

“Of course” you reassured him, “but I was going to ask which one of you is your favorite?” You asked playfully.

“Oh? What do you know?” One of his eyebrows lifted in question.

“Well, Genya shared a few stories with me today.”

He laughed, “did she tell you how my mother called me?” 

“Yes”

A slight blush crept through his face, “I will fire her as soon as possible.”

It was your turn to laugh, “I forbid you from doing that.”

Nikolai bit his lip, “I hate to pull ranks on you, honey, but I am the king; nobody is above me.” 

“We’ll see about that later” your smug answer erased his winning smirk off his face and replaced it with a blush.

Your dance was interrupted by a man whispering in Nikolai's ear; you spotted Zoya already leaving the Saloon, so this could only mean your husband would be following shortly. Which you confirmed when he looked back at you with an apology hiding in his warm eyes.

“I can go with you” you attempted.

“That won’t be necessary, love, enjoy the party.” He turned to leave but you grabbed his wrist.

“Nikolai, please”

“Stay” He replied in a serious tone. “I will come back later.”

Couples kept dancing all around you.

“Do you not trust me anymore?” 

“It is not that”

“Then what is it? I was meant to be a political advisor.”

He looked around, “Let's not do this here.”

“Nikolai, stop pushing me away.” Your voice cracked at the request.

He took a step back to you, his hands laid tenderly on your face, “everything I do is for your safety, love can’t you see that?” His condescending tone was enough to bring back all your anger, but he kept you in place. “Let’s not make a scene, smile and keep dancing.”

“No” angry tears were already in your eyes.

“Do as I say.” His tone was commanding, then he leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on your forehead, when you looked  back at  him there was a perfect smile on his face.

“I hate you right now.” You said with a fake smile.

He knocked on your door that night, harsher than usual. You opened with a grimace. “No need to prove your rank further, moi tsar.”

You met a strange version of your husband, his hair disheveled and frowning. “Do you want out of this?” 

“Excuse me?” A strong smell of whiskey reached your nose, “are you drunk?”

He sighed and repeated, “Do. You. Want. Out. Of. This?” 

Your stomach turned, you could feel your blood falling to your ankles. “Are you asking me to leave you?”

“I am asking if you’d like it so.”

Your anguish turned to anger. “If I’d like it so?” You took a step closer to him, out of your room. His eyes widened given you were in a nightgown with your hair down, “how thoughtful of you, moi tsar. I do not. Want. Out.” You pointed each word with a finger on his chest. Now you were both standing in the middle of the hall, guards peering through the corner of their eyes. 

“It seems like you do, you’d be happier anyway!”

“Stop with deciding for me, first the marriage and now the divorce. Allow me to make choices by myself for once, Nikolai.”

“You’ve grown to hate me! Forgive me if I offer you an easy way out of your worst nightmare!”

“My worst nightmare is a blue kefta standing outside your door! waiting for you to go to bed, Nikolai. Do not turn this on me when you are the one who has disrespected me over and over!”

He leaned closer to you, “I have told you, there is nothing going on between the General and me.”

“Enough is going on for me to hate it! even if, for once in your life, your dick is not to blame.”

“Alright that is enough.” He turned to leave.

“The truth is all I ask of you, and you cannot give me that.”

“You have the truth!” He turned back to you with a grimace of pain, “I hide nothing from you.”

“Then why do you not let me into Council anymore?”

A cruel scoff left his mouth, “alright, you want to know why? Because I have riots all over the country because of your laws” he pointed a finger on your chest, the touch left a sting of guilt, “guards have been killed, people have been arrested and I wanted to shield you from learning that.” There was an air of arrogance in his tone and movements, like he had been dying to see your face when learning this information.

“I am sorry”

“No, love, I am sorry for prioritizing your feelings while having protesters at our gates just for you to light up this place from the inside.”

“Saints” A sobbed cry left your mouth, “I still wish you would have told me before, so I could have been there for you as your friend, your confidant, your advisor, your wife, instead you kept crawling back to her.” Your tone was lower than before, tears gathering in your eyes.

“I am crawling back to you!” he was practically yelling now, “begging for forgiveness and understanding! Begging you to understand as my queen why I have made such decisions. But if you won’t I will prevail in my place as King, waranteing those choices that have been made for your safety and Ravka’s. I will not apologize for putting your safety first, above everyone else’s. And if you can’t understand that, then you are no queen.” He spatted.

You looked at him with weary eyes, his last sentence had been a knife on your chest, and he had noticed it too, taking a step closer with kinder eyes.

“Maybe I am not.” You whispered, “maybe I am just an idiot who loves you.” 

You walked back into your room and cried until you fell asleep.

***

Since that night you did not leave your rooms. You wallowed in solitude, refusing to let anyone in but an occasional meal a day.

Weeks passed without anyone asking you to go out, but every single night, Nikolai knocked on your door, asking you to let him in and begging for forgiveness.

You did not summon the courage to answer any of them.

*** After your month of solitude, you decided you had to leave. So you got yourself ready, as best as you summoned the effort to, putting on a dress but letting your hair down and not bothering to call a tailor to make up your face.

You finally walked out, everyone in the Palace looked at you with wide eyes before bowing to your confident strut. You let yourself into his study, ignoring his valet’s explanation of who was inside.

Nikolai stood up when the door opened, ready to storm whoever dared to interrupt his meeting. You saw some First Army officials do the same, but the moment your husband laid eyes on you he ordered everyone out with a shocked reaction.

“Myshka” he looked at you with tender eyes, “you look-” Nikolai walked to you, looking like a bull in a china cabinet, cautious not to break anything.

“awful, I figure” you interrupted him with an unbothered tone, he denied with his head. You looked up to him as he stood a step from you. “How is everything?”

“Much better. The riots have stopped although we had to send some incentives to the leaders and work with several communities to reach peace agreements.”

“Did you derogate my laws?”

“It did not have to get to that.” He reassured you with a soft smile.

“Good, thank you.” You cleared your throat. “I want to go home” 

“This is your home” he whispered

“No, it is not.”

“I-” he swallowed, “I am your home” 

You looked away, the tears in your eyes threatening to come out, “I thought that too” 

“Myshka, if you go, we will never go back to where we--”

“Well maybe we shouldn’t, Nikolai. Maybe I should go, and you should declare our marriage null and find someone else.” The cracks in your voice made it clear enough that you did not want that either, yet he asked.

“Is that what you want?”

“That’s what you wanted” 

“No” he quickly corrected you, “If that is what you want I will respect it, but that is NOT what I want and you know it.” 

“I am not fit for the job” you cleared your face with the back of your hand and by the way his own turned into fists, you guessed he was dying to do it himself, “you deserve a queen.”

“You are my queen.”

“I am not, and I will go home.”

“Love, please don’t” Tears started to gather in his eyes.

“We could not make this” you repeated the gesture he did on your wedding day, “work”

“Don’t do this to me, please.” He sank to his knees, grabbing your wrist as he looked up to you with weary eyes.

You knelt in front of him, “you deserve a proper queen, Nikolai.” You laid a tender kiss on his cheek before standing up and leaving the room.

He did not knock on your door that night. ***

You had only been to his rooms on your wedding night, when he had promised to never abuse you. And given the latest events you did not think you’d be getting inside any time near, much less the night before you departed back to Ketterdam, but his screaming made you change your mind.

The second you realized it was his terrified screams in the room next to yours, you jumped out of bed and ran there without even pulling out a robe. With the corner of your eye you saw the twins running to his door as well, but before they could ever say a thing, you opened the door and locked yourself in.

Nikolai was in his bed, screaming in pain, his hands and feet were chained to the posts, while he helplessly pulled and tugged, trying to ease himself from whatever nightmare was clouding his mind.

Drops of sweat went down his face and neck while he frowned in pain, guttural screams and sobbed cries filled the room.

“Nikolai wake up” You sat next to him.

“GET AWAY FROM ME” he shouted with eyes still closed.

“Nikolai” you touched his face and he leaned into your palm; tenderly you continued to call his name repeatedly but his terror was only increasing. You could hear the twins already calling you out and threatening to knock down the door while your husband shrieked in pain.

Out of ideas, you climbed on his lap, pushing yourself against his agitated chest, while your fingers wiped his forehead.

“Easy, love, I am here with you.” You mumbled with your face crooked on his neck, kissing his skin softly. The weight of your body against his helped to lure him just enough to stop pulling the chains. “Nikolai, my love, everything is alright, it is just a nightmare.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you, go” he cried in his sleep.

“You would never hurt me and I would never leave you.” You said in his ear.

The door opened with a loud kick and soon enough Zoya and Tolya were next to you.

“Your majesty, you need to leave this room.” Zoya instructed while Tolya tried to lift you off Nikolai. You slapped his hands off and returned to your previous position. 

“He does not need an army, he needs to wake up.” You nearly yelled.

“He will turn into the monster, this is how it usually goes.” Zoya spatted, “He would want you to leave.”

“Then wake him up before he does!”

“We can’t, moi tsaritsa” Tolya said with shame.

“What do you mean you can’t?”

“The King is heavily drugged now, it is physically impossible for him to wake up before morning.” Zoya’s face remained proud, with her chin up and perfect posture.

“HE IS WHAT?” You spat.

“There is a solution but he has never taken it in this state” Tolya explained.

Under you Nikolai kept struggling. 

“Wake him up, NOW.” You ordered.

“Your majesty, with all due respect you do not know what you are aski-” Zoya began but you interrupted her.

“I am not asking, I am ORDERING you to wake him up.”

Where did you summon the courage to speak to her like that would be a mystery for the centuries, because all the time you had been here you barely dared to look at her and now you were ordering her to do something while you hugged your drugged off husband like a koala. With pursed lips, she looked at Tolya, who carried you off Nikolai with an ease you had never witnessed while Zoya took out a small vial and put a few drops on Nikolai’s mouth, it was a matter of seconds when he woke up startled.

“Where is she” he mumbled, still struggling to wake up. 

You stopped struggling at Tolya’s arms, securing you to the spot, looking at your husband while praying internally he would not call out for Zoya. None of you dared to make a move. With eyes still closed, he whispered in lazy words, “my wife, is she gone?” 

Tears spilled from your face freely, you knelt next to him, “I am right here, Nik.”

He barely opened his eyes when he whispered “Zoya”

You moved to stand when he struggled against the cuffs again, “take this off” He instructed while still looking at you, “I need to hold my wife.”

The General uncuffed him efficiently, when she was done, Nikolai ordered to be left alone with you.

“Did you hear what I said?” You did not summon enough confidence to look him in the eyes while you asked.

“I did.” he mumbled, “Come here” He commanded you as well.

You sat next to him on the bed, he rearranged you to lay next to him, an arm on your waist and your back to his chest. “What was that, Nikolai?”

“That was you stopping the monster.”

Both of you were exhausted, so without saying another word you nuzzled in him, falling asleep shortly after.

***

It was all a haze.

Rays of sunshine fluttering in your eyelashes, golden curls against your skin and a strong arm keeping you in place. 

He held you like a kid holding a teddy bear, his head on your chest with your heartbeat as a lullaby.

“Nik” you mumbled, still half asleep.

He raised his head to you, lids heavy and a smirk already on his face. “Good morning sunshine.” He mumbled before tumbling next to you again, nuzzling his face in your hair.

“What am I doing here?” Your slumber fog faded last night memories.

“Saving me.” He whispered in your ear as he laid a lazy arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. He laid sleepy kisses on whatever skin he found; shoulders, neck, ear, and when he ran out he turned you to face him and continued his work on your neck.

“Nik” 

“No” he mumbled, “let me stay in this moment” he found a place that made your breath hitch and worked there with his teeth.

“We should ta-ahh” a soft moan caught your voice.

“Much better” 

Next your nails were digging on his scalp and he was on top of you, pulling your nightgown to make room for his trace.

“You’re never leaving this bed, darling.” 

“How, are you gonna chain me?” You joked.

The dirtiest, mischievous grin appeared on his face, “I was planning to keep you myself, but I am always open to comply with your darkest desires.”

You pulled his shirt open, sliding it off his arms.

He returned to your lips with a desperate pace and you felt his desperation between your legs as well.

The door opened with a loud thud and a man’s voice announced in panic “Moi Tsar, the queen is gone!”

Nikolai’s shoulders limited your visibility, and you thanked the saints the announcer could not see your crimson cheeks either. Nikolai bit a smirk, turning to the man without leaving his place on top of you, “I found her, you can go now. And lock the door on your way out.”

Your face was hot with embarrassment when Nikolai turned back to you.

“Now, would you rather have both hands together or one on each post?” He asked you with a grin.

“I’d rather have them in your hair.”

“yeah that’ll do” he leant back down to kiss you.

You pushed him softly, “Nikolai, we should talk about last night.”

He laid next to you, “Don’t you remember?”

“I remember yelling at Zoya” you looked at him, biting your lower lip in regret.

“Oh that will be fun” he mused.

You smiled, your sight and fingers focused on playing with his hair, “And climbing on your lap while you screamed, but then you woke up and everything was alright.”

“I was-uh- struggling with the monster.” He swallowed, his eyes lost on something past you, “I felt it overcoming me and then I heard your voice, I begged you to leave but you didn’t and somehow that… helped.” 

“Well you are very welcome” you joked.

“Since you’ve found the cure I am afraid I will have to keep you by my side forever” He pressed a peck on your shoulder, “if you want?” 

“Do you want me to? And not because I am useful to keep the monster at bay.”

His lips continued to kiss wherever skin could find, “I want you to stay.”

“Then ask me to.” Your gaze returned to his warm eyes.

“I can’t ask you that” he moved his head sideways, “because asking requires a logical process of thinking and certain authority to inquire in your life choices, and with you I have none of that. I can only pray on my knees for you to spare a glance my way.” He kissed your shoulder again, but more intently this time, “for you I only have incoherent beggars and unworthy cries” his lips traced towards your chest, “I save for you my most human pledgaries and I am to you not a king nor a sovereign but a man. This place fooled me to believe myself regal, all mighty, then you came around and turned me into a man, a lame attempt of one, so as one I do not get to ask of you a thing, as such I only get to beg the love of my life to please spend the rest of her nights nuzzled next to me, and her days holding my hand.” He left a wet trail on your chest and neck to fall back into your lips. 

Your eyes weary with emotion, you pulled him deeper into you with hunger. 

“Is that a yes?” He mumbled against your lips.

“I don’t think I can say no to you, moi tsar.” You finally answered before kissing him again.