#legit the most midwestern thing ever

[nevertoomanyfiles]

Happy GF Tour 2 Part 2 to All Who Celebrate

[thickness-protection-program]

Dear TPP,

I'll try to keep this as short as possible, I can ramble pretty bad. So I have a long distance friend, m/m both of us in early 30s, that I've know for a couple years. We mostly interact in a group dynamic (he's a casual small streamer and the regulars have become a group of friends).  Anyway it began as a normal "ooo cute stranger" crush, but now we've known each other for quite a while and my feelings have certainly grown. And I really think he has some very similar feelings for me (I have several points to think this but brevity).  And here is where the problems begin.

Both of us are more on the reserved/shy side and pretty much refuse to plainly say how we feel. So of course the solution is to just take the leap and say "boy I have strong feelings for you and what about it?" And I get that. And I'm working on trying to get that courage. BUT (here's the next problem) our relationship has a bit of an imbalance. I know what he looks like, since he does stream (on twitch) and the occasional selfie, and the most of myself he has ever seen is a couple "new haircut" pics that were only eyeballs and up, bcus that's the only part of myself I'm not afraid to show others. This is bcus I'm a midwestern 2-3 on a good day, and I have many times over had the app experience of "having a good conversation with a guy, then I finally send them my pics and get instantly blocked". Therefore I tend to refrain from sharing or even taking selfies. So I have an incredible fear of if I take the leap to express my true feelings, then I will of course have to show him who I am literally. And as I said above it's not a great presentation. I would I be able to continue to maintain the friendship if all the sudden things change after he sees me? And I know he's not enough of an asshole to just outright block and ghost me when he realizes I'm ugly so that will just leave us both in a terrible and awkward place.

Now on top of all of that if miraculously the feelings are reciprocated, and somehow he doesn't find me too ugly (since I know ppl always think of themselves as way uglier than other ppl think of them but I'm legit pretty bottom barrel) then we have our final major problem. That being I have so many problems and aspects that are often just flat out "deal breakers" for ppl. I think him getting involved with me is a huge mistake and for his own good I would not want to pull him into my abyss of issues or go through my laundry list of possible deal breakers.

All in all that basically sums it up. And I do apologize for dumping this on you (I just saw your post that said something like TPP advice is open), and I don't like discussing my personal matters with ppl in my immediacy (another problem of mine haha) so I have been wanting to discuss this with a third party. In a way I feel like I know what I need to do, but I just want to bounce it off someone for idea, and maybe what order to proceed and see if maybe I really am just THAT insane and I should just go live in a cave.

Sincerely,

Neurotic Sword

Hmm ok. First off I wanna say there is no such thing as being ugly and anybody who treats you poorly based off of how they perceive you is a reflection on THEM not you. And how you perceive yourself is much more important than how anybody else perceives you, so don't let anybody make you feel bad for taking selfies and loving yourself.

As for this specific situation, I can understand where you're coming from. I do think it is important though that whoever you're wanting to pursue any sort or platonic or romantic relationship with knows what you look like. Obviously you don't have to like send a picture every day or anything but I feel like knowing what you look like builds a base layer of trust since you know for sure who you're talking to. You don't necessarily have to outright be like "hey I like you" just yet but eventually he would have to see you. And if he responds negatively then babe you dodged a bullet bc everybody deserves respect no matter what you look like. I don't know any specifics but I do feel like if you guys have been talking for this long then the relationship shouldn't be broken by a face reveal.

Also, babe, it's not good to yourself to bring yourself down like this. Yes all your feelings and emotions are valid but you are not this horrible person you think you are. Getting with you is NOT a mistake but a blessing. But again I don't know the specifics so I can't really say anything in detail but ultimately you have to do what's best for YOU not what's best for anybody else. And trust me I know what it's like being shy but shyness has to take a backseat when it comes to doing what's best for your own happiness

I'm not sure if any of this helps or is useful but if you have anything else to say I'm here

[purekesseltrash]

My Year in Review

It’s been a fucking wild year.  To put it mildly.  A wild, wild year.  It has been, by far, the year that I have written the most.  I have written 21 fics in 2021 with a total word count of 258,649k, all for My Hero Academia.  I have developed as a writer the most in this year and it isn’t ever close.

It all starts with Rooftop Necromancy.  I wrote the entire thing on January 6th 2021, a date which, as an American, is a bit infamous.  Picture me, getting into an insane hyperfocus stage over metalhead Aizawa and Hizashi and just powering through a fic, only to surface for air and realize that a bunch of Qanon morons have attempted a coup on the fucking House of Representatives.  Picture the surprise and whiplash I felt.  I’m gonna be an old lady one day and someone is gonna ask one day what I was doing and I’m gonna pull up pictures like ‘I wrote a fic of this cockatoo man sucking off this tired boi’.

Anyway though.  Rooftop has let me know so many people that I wouldn’t and I am incredibly grateful for that.  @kyurilin mentioned the Rooftop fucking owned in an erasermic discord and then mentioned that she wrote Cars fanfic and I immediately was like ‘yes, hello, I love you so much’.  And that love has continued.  She just... she’s so nice you guys.  I pester her so much and she’s right there.  She reads all of my google docs.  She reviews EVERY SINGLE ONE of my fics.  She let me, me the biggest goober in the world, read a fic she never would show the light of DAY and it was a glorious fic.  She’s such a good friend?  I’m so lucky?  

@ifyougoillfollow is also someone I know thanks to Rooftop.  They were the first person to comment on Rooftop and if you look at those comments, it is embarrassing how much I was like ‘hello i love you plz be my friend’ but their writing is so fucking good and they are so smart and they leave the nicest reviews in the world and legit, without their reviews,  Rooftop as a series might never have gone on.

@mckittericks is also someone I know thanks to Rooftop.  Id noticed that username steadily leaving kudos on all of my erasermic fics and then following me on tumblr and THEN.  I got THE REVIEW.  The review that was so nicely thought out and that made me cry and I immediately just messaged them on tumblr like ‘hi hello how are you, we are friends now, I love you’.   And god, their comments on my fic and beta help?!!?!?!?!?!  I would pay for it a million times over.  I love it so MUCH.

And then I got into shoutoko, lol.  I got into the BNHA Big Bang and got ready to write Bury Them Deep where I was able to beta for @illogicalruse.  And their story was so fucking fun and clever and wonderful and I kinda fell in love with them as a person just from their writing.  You ever read someone’s writing and just want to be buddies?  Yeah, it was that.  I also got to meet @sarathewise from that Big Bang and again, another person who fucking rules and who I value a ton.

I also had the pleasure of having @starblazer124 as an artist, a fellow midwesterner and wonderful human, and the incredible @shabby-illustrations.  Fucking Shabby, man.  I talk to Shabby at least once a week and have since the big bang.  They have read all of my google docs before they go out and they give me feedback which just FEEDS ME so much.  And they have made me art!!!!  And man, when I decided that Kyuri needed fanart of ‘Present Mic’s Totally Bullshit Life’, I knew exactly who to go to and who would understand that fic like I did.  And I was not wrong.  Shabby rules.

I’ve met alot of other cool people through Shoutoko and BTD.  @the-worm-in-the-dirt has given me amazing feedback and validation and has blessed me with being shown their work and I can’t wait to see what they create this year.  @yeehawshira fucking getssssss me and Tokoyami and is a fabulous artist.  @wingedaria let me just worm my way into her life because I was such a huge fucking fan of her Shoutoko work.

And then there’s Leave Her Johnny, the pirate/regency/smuggler AU that I wrote and kind of forgot about.  But I got a comment from @aubreyms asking if she could cosplay Mic from the fic and I was like ‘?????  That was even an option?!?!?!  Of course?!?!?!’ and then I promptly bragged about it to a select few people and forgot about it.  And then she and @burbanowl made a whole fucking series of tiktoks based on the fic and like.  Y’all.  It was such an honor.  It was so cool.  I... I can’t even begin to say how lucky and honored I feel.  Corndog Patrol read the fucking fic and left a kudos like ?!?!?!?!?!

If 2022 is anything like 2021 in terms of friends and fandom, I will be a lucky, lucky person indeed.  I love you all.

[sirenalpha]

1, 11, 19 (:

1. what's the fic youre most proud of?

The Only Thing You Let Hold You it's my longest fic, I think it has the best character arc I've ever written, and I like legit leveled up from writing, pretty much everything I do for writing long fic I'm serious about now comes from how I wrote that fic

11. Has a fic you’ve written ever caused issues/controversy?

🙄 several unfortunately, nothing in the style of like bnf causing a ruckus over social media but there have been fics I've written that have gotten negative reviews/comments

like idk what problem people have with Character but on both ffnet and ao3 going all the way back to 2013 when I started posting it, it's received by far the most criticism of any I've ever written, like enough for me to stop writing it for like 5 years and I don't ever go back to read the early reviews

Piece By Piece got shit for having a gender bend even though there are a good number of fem!Stiles fics and like I'd written gender bended characters before this fic tho they're deleted now and they never got flack

people got weirdly entitled when I stopped writing Stories Lived like lack of engagement wasn't reason enough to stop writing and that I should tag it discontinued even though I gave it an outline ending which no one had a problem with for Double Trouble

I knowingly courted trouble with In the Spaces Between by saying Missouri is not Midwestern in the a/n because I'd seen people say it IN THE TEXT OF THEIR FIC from the pov of a GERMAN living in CANADA who in all probability has no way to know or give a shit about whether Missori is Midwestern so I had to say it because I see that as a characterization issue beyond it just being a nonsensical view in my opinion but I still think it's rude to comment on an author's note and say nothing about the fic itself which is what people were doing so I had to freeze a thread for the first time

and then sometimes people just think the comment sections on my fics are reddit and ignore my fic to talk about historical events, like please, just find my tumblr if you really want to argue about royal succession, you'll lose but you can do it

most of the comments I get on my fic are good but these are all annoying enough to stick out

19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include?

idk I feel like I've got character arcs handled so better world building, maybe more profound themes than just like personal self improvement cuz I feel like a lot of my fic lately could be boiled down to it's worth the effort to improve yourself and I'm not saying it's a bad message

but idk I think I should be pushing myself to have deeper meanings than just that

[morethanonepage]

i’m angery

i know i’m mostly a star wars killjoy on tumblr dot com lately but allow me to SCREAM about my latest nemesis, a book called “American Dirt”:

Lydia Quixano Pérez lives in the Mexican city of Acapulco. She runs a bookstore. She has a son, Luca, the love of her life, and a wonderful husband who is a journalist. And while there are cracks beginning to show in Acapulco because of the drug cartels, her life is, by and large, fairly comfortable.

Even though she knows they’ll never sell, Lydia stocks some of her all-time favorite books in her store. And then one day a man enters the shop to browse and comes up to the register with a few books he would like to buy―two of them her favorites. Javier is erudite. He is charming. And, unbeknownst to Lydia, he is the jefe of the newest drug cartel that has gruesomely taken over the city. When Lydia’s husband’s tell-all profile of Javier is published, none of their lives will ever be the same.

Forced to flee, Lydia and eight-year-old Luca soon find themselves miles and worlds away from their comfortable middle-class existence. Instantly transformed into migrants, Lydia and Luca ride la bestia―trains that make their way north toward the United States, which is the only place Javier’s reach doesn’t extend. As they join the countless people trying to reach el norte, Lydia soon sees that everyone is running from something. But what exactly are they running to?

Written by one Jeanine Cummins, who has Puerto Rican ancestry but grew up in the MD suburbs (as I did, tbf) and in 2015 considered herself white (”I am white...in every practical way, my family is mostly white.”  [cw for sexual assault and murder at the link]), everything I read about this book has begun to drive me to madness.

Recommended by the Mary Sue book club (the source of the above summary), it has since been retracted bc a) its sucks and b) THEY DIDN’T READ IT BEFORE PUTTING IT ON THE BOOK CLUB LIST (”I try to read most, if not all, of the books I recommend for the Book Club because I truly do love reading, and I want to make sure that if I suggest someone grab something, it’s something I can say I liked. When I was looking up two books to fill out the list, one of them was American Dirt. I saw that it had received a lot of positive press from Stephen King, Rumaan Alam, Don Winslow, Sandra Cisneros, and other literary news outlets including Oprah’s Book Club. It seemed like the type of literary fiction that’s always good for a book club read. I was mistaken.“)

Myriam Gurba, at Tropics of Meta, describes being asked to review it for a feminist magazine, and then being told her review was too negative to publish. It included gems such as:

Cummins bombards with clichés from the get-go. Chapter One starts with assassins opening fire on a quinceañera, a fifteenth birthday party, a scene one can easily imagine President Donald Trump breathlessly conjuring at a Midwestern rally, and while Cummins’ executioners are certainly animated, their humanity remains shallow. By categorizing these characters as “the modern bogeymen of urban Mexico,” she flattens them. By invoking monsters with English names and European lineages, Cummins reveals the color of her intended audience: white. Mexicans don’t fear the bogeyman. We fear his very distant cousin, el cucuy.

[...]

With their family annihilated by narcotraffickers, mother and son embark on a refugees’ journey. They head north, or, as Cummins’ often writes, to “el norte,” and italicized Spanish words like carajo, mijo, and amigo litter the prose, yielding the same effect as store-bought taco seasoning.

[...] Lydia’s husband, a journalist, describes her as one of the “smartest” women he’s ever known. Nonetheless, she behaves in gallingly naïve and stupid ways. Despite being an intellectually engaged woman, and the wife of a reporter whose beat is narcotrafficking, Lydia experiences shock after shock when confronted with the realities of México, realities that would not shock a Mexican.

It shocks Lydia to learn that the mysterious and wealthy patron who frequents her bookstore flanked by “[thuggish]” bodyguards is the capo of the local drug cartel! It shocks Lydia to learn that some central Americans migrate to the United States by foot! It shocks Lydia to learn that men rape female migrants en route to the United States! It shocks Lydia to learn that Mexico City has an ice-skating rink! (This “surprise” gave me a good chuckle: I learned to ice skate in México.) That Lydia is so shocked by her own country’s day-to-day realities, realities that I’m intimate with as a Chicana living en el norte, gives the impression that Lydia might not be…a credible Mexican. In fact, she perceives her own country through the eyes of a pearl-clutching American tourist.

Parul Sehgal, at the NYT, digs into the fact that while the motives of this book may be unimpeachable (tho: are they??), the writing itself is...perhaps less so:

I found myself flinching as I read, not from the perils the characters face, but from the mauling the English language receives. Lydia’s expression “is one Luca has never seen before, and he fears it might be permanent. It’s as if seven fishermen have cast their hooks into her from different directions and they’re all pulling at once. One from the eyebrow, one from the lip, another at the nose, one from the cheek.” Yes, of course. That expression.

Sehgal also highlights my favorite line I’ve heard about in this book: “when Lydia finds she is unable to pray, ‘she believes it’s a divine kindness. Like a government furlough, God has deferred her nonessential agencies.’” The Raised in the DMV Suburbs just JUMPED OUT, didn’t it, Jeanine? But like legit, why on earth would a Mexican bookstore lady’s frame of reference ever be A GOVERNMENT FURLOUGH and NONESSENTIAL AGENCIES. followers, i just about died. 

David J. Schmidt, at The Blue Nib, calls out other inaccuracies and stereotypes:

It is worth dwelling on the character of Javier for a moment. A “drinking game” could be created based on all the Latin American stereotypes he personifies. Javier is dapper, yet dangerous. He is charming, yet mysterious. He wears a white guayabera, a shirt the author describes as “more suitable for Sunday Mass than a regular workday.” (Untrue—this is a casual garment, more suitable for a love affair in a Fabio-bedecked romance novel.)

This quintessential “Latin lover” shows up at Lydia’s bookstore and speaks to her in a tone significantly different from the other characters of American Dirt. I  must emphasise, Javier’s dialogue does not reflect the normal speech patterns of Mexico, but perfectly reflects U.S. stereotypes. The only way to properly read Javier’s lines is through the most gross of caricatures.

One should imagine the husky voice of Antonio Banderas, speaking at his most sensual and Spanishy. Any character he has played in English will do, although it is clear that Javier was ideally written for the voice of Puss in Boots. When Lydia asks if Javier reads English, the dapper narco responds:

“I try, yes […] My English isn’t fluent, but it’s close. And this story is so delicate.”

[...]

The cultural inaccuracies of American Dirt run deep, right down to the language. Throughout her book, Cummins shows confusion regarding the grammatical genders in Spanish. Most notably, she baptises the drug kingpin Javier with the nickname La Lechuza. It is difficult to imagine a macho, womanizing capo using a feminine-gendered noun as his moniker. Would a hardened mafia boss call himself “The Princess of Compton” or “The Belle of Belfast”?

Cummins got a seven figure advance for this. A SEVEN FIGURE ADVANCE. She “wished someone slightly browner than me would write it,” but she did it,  and her team is throwing around the fact that her husband’s previously undocumented status as some sort of justification without mentioning that he’s white & Irish. 

Also, there’s this news:

Imperative Entertainment, the production banner behind the Clint Eastwood hit The Mule, has acquired the rights to American Dirt, the Mexican migrant drama novel by Jeanine Cummins.

Charles Leavitt, the scribe who penned the Leonardo DiCaprio drama Blood Diamond, has been tapped to write the adaptation, which will be produced by Imperative’s Dan Friedkin and Bradley Thomas.

Charles Leavitt is a white guy who, most recently, wrote the Warcraft movie. So, that’s going to end well. 

I’ll leave you with this other gem from Gurba (from her essay about it, “Pendeja, You Ain’t Steinbeck “):

Susan Sontag wrote that “[a] sensibility (as distinct from an idea) is one of the hardest things to talk about” and with this challenge in mind, I assert that American Dirt fails to convey any Mexican sensibility. It aspires to be Día de los Muertos but it, instead, embodies Halloween. The proof rests in the novel’s painful humorlessness. Mexicans have over a hundred nicknames for death, most of them are playful because death is our favorite playmate, and Octavio Paz explained our unique relationship with la muerte when he wrote, “The Mexican…is familiar with death. [He] jokes about it, caresses it, sleeps with it, celebrates it. It is one of his favorite toys and his most steadfast love.” Cummins’ failure to approach death with appropriate curiosity, and humility, is what makes American Dirt a perfect read for your local self-righteous gringa book club.

so idk, The Mary Sue, maybe it should stay on your Book Club list after all. (Oh wait: as of this writing, it still is.) 

[anoutlandishidea]

So, it’s Pride Month. HUZZAHHHHHH!

This Pride is especially special to me as I understand my sexuality far more than I did last year at this time.

What was going on last year at this time, you may ask?

MamaG essentially cornered me and forced me to come out.

I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet — I’d only ever broached the subject with two people and only one of whom understood what the heck I was talking about — and it certainly wasn’t the time or place to have the conversation… we were in the middle of our church’s BUSY lobby. C’mon MamaG. Let’s rethink this.

She told me she thought I was having these feelings because of my chronic depression and anxiety, which IS a legit symptom, but I know that isn’t the root of it. She also point blank asked if it was because I’d been sexually assaulted, wanting me to know that I could talk to her about it no matter what, and I would just like to say a few things: 1. If I had been, this would have been a TERRIBLE way of broaching the subject AND in the LEAST conducive environment to do so. & 2. THATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS, THATS NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.

I vividly remember sitting in my Confirmation class and hearing my pastor talk about the saving sex for marriage/do not commit adultery concepts and being absolutely confused as to why anyone would have a problem with this. I didn’t understand how sexual attraction worked beyond the “It” factor and thought it was something that really only happened in movies. Sure, there were boys I thought were cute, but that was the extent of it.

I chalked it up to having a very sheltered childhood in a tiny Midwestern town. I figured I was one of those innocent ingenue types that didn’t understand it because I hadn’t experienced it. I’d feel it eventually, and in the meantime I had to live in a world where everyone wanted to get in each other’s pants.

But the more I grew up, I realized that my thinking/my attractions/my sex drive was different than anyone I knew. Even the friends who grew up with and embraced the faith values I did HAD a sexual attraction… I just… didn’t. I understood the emotions and motivations and physiological components to sex, but that just didn’t seem like something that I ever wanted to do… even with the men I was romantically drawn to.

Tumblr and Pinterest were the ones to put a name to it: ASEXUALITY.

Like virtually everything, asexuality is a spectrum and at any given day I’m various shades of grey, but it’s been a relief to have a name to put to the feeling and come to understand that there are others like me, really fully realize that I am not “broken” (okay, maybe I am, but not in this regard) and my sexuality does not need to be “fixed.”

(and yes, I’m aware of the irony of me, an asexual, loving Outlander as much as I do. I’ll be the first to joke about it, but really, it comes down to: if you take out the sex scenes, the plot and character development are wonky. Sure, some are on the verge of gratuitous, but for the most part, the sex scenes are used to move the story along)

So, now let’s skip ahead to the present.

I’m not out to very many people here or in real life, but I’m confident and proud of my sexuality.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to be out to everyone in order to be valid or “proud” of your sexuality. It’s your journey and YOU get to choose who you share it with. Sometimes it isn’t safe to let down your guard and be “open” in front of others. I support you and am proud of you for being where you are in your journey to self, no matter what point or stage that may be.

[flapperfromthefuture]

I’ve been experimenting with a couple of new ways to beat the winter blues—baking with such frenzy that I have to buy the 18 egg cartons and the person at the register asks me, “Big weekend plans?” every. single. time, and expanding my horizons with such gusto that I nearly got dropkicked by a jazz enthusiast.

Let me explain.

After watching a beautiful tombstone-grey sunset at 3:30 one October afternoon, I had the urge to bake because “You can’t stick your head in the oven if there’s other stuff in there.”

So I have been baking. Like, obsessively.

I’ve even gotten fancy. I made a povitica, the Aaron Burr of breads, with raspberry and then apricot jam (very sticky, but tasty). Then I wanted to try a savory challah, so I experimented with adding different amounts of cardamom and THEN za’atar.

I tried making challah with harissa because it seemed like a good idea at the time. It was super messy working the harissa into the dough and then braiding it before the whole loaf could fall apart, but the end result was delicious and made my kitchen smell like a spice market in the midst of somewhere warm that is not Michigan.

I made two Bienenstich, or bee sting cakes, which I hadn’t attempted since my brioche class. I managed not to overdo the topping this time! No almond-induced structural collapses here.

Then I made this gigantic cinnamon roll, which the recipe claimed was an Estonian Kringla, and since the best cinnamon roll I’ve ever had was in Estonia, I tried it out. And it was pretty good, but didn’t quite get me to pre-winter euphoria levels, aka enough energy to stay awake past mid-afternoon because it’s so dark outside.

My sister really wanted to make Halloween desserts together, which translated into me buying all the supplies and then baking everything myself while she lay on the floor.

She had just run a half-marathon . . . five days earlier.

I don’t like making Rice Krispie treats as they are a tactile nightmare. Everything you touch sticks to you forever and then continues to stick to you even after you die. I also gravely miscalculated how many marshmallows to buy (because weight and volume are different, apparently? School never covered that) and my mom will not let me live it down—anyone who stops by the house is asked, “Do you want something to drink? Or maybe some marshmallows? Elizabeth bought a thousand.”

Stella likes to say, “God knew you’d be too powerful if you were good at math.”

I don’t enjoy cooking as much as baking, but I made my yearly stab at sides for Thanksgiving. These harissa sweet potatoes looked beautiful but were a little too spicy for my weak-ass family.

(I also may have put in too much harissa. But it’s expensive and I wanted to use it all!).

A and I are officially in the throes of cabin fever, and when our beloved Midnight Madness rolled around, she decided that we needed to mix things up and elected to check out a jazz club downtown that we had never visited. Our friend Julia was with us and her mom was in town from the East Coast, so A thought we’d show them a sophisticated time . . . after visiting the holiday petting zoo, of course, and making a quick stop in the Himalayan Bazaar to see if the Yeti was around—he was not, because he never is, BUT I WILL SEE HIM NEXT YEAR SO HELP ME. 

Stella did not join us for Midnight Madness, electing instead to stay in and watch The Crown, which in hindsight, was too much of a gamble to take without supervision.

We swept into the jazz club with our heavy coats and dorky beanies and I immediately felt way too square to chill with the jazz cats. Everyone had sleek scarves and trendy eyewear and even the gorgeous modern light fixtures seemed to judge us as we sat at our table.

There was a lady wearing sunglasses inside. At night. In winter.

It was below freezing out. I thought, “Is this an awards show?”

I had only eaten roasted almonds and hot chocolate for dinner so I needed something revitalizing . . . or barring that, mozzarella sticks.

This jazz club did not have mozzarella sticks. Mozzarella sticks aren’t cool. They had charcuterie plates, pate, foie gras PB&J (why?), and charred baby octopus (WHY?), and everything was super expensive, but there was a jazz quintet onstage that seemed really legit, so I was excited to get some culture, even at the expense of mozzarella sticks.

A stared down at the menu like she could intimidate it into submission. She will eat anything, but draws the line at baby animals that have been set on fire.

“I don’t know what to get,” she said. “This never happens to me.”

“What are you guys ordering?” I asked Julia and her mom.

And then, out of nowhere, SLAM, a hand smacked our table loud enough to make me jump. An older man glared at me and said, “I’m not paying to hear you talk.”

He looked a lot like Santa, which made it even more distressing. I don’t want to get in trouble with Santa!

A is from Chicago and doesn’t take anyone’s shit (which is good for me, because to quote John Mulaney, “You could pour soup into my lap and I’d apologize to you“), so she looked Santa right in the eye and said, very calmly, “You don’t need to take that tone. We’ve never been here before and we’re trying to figure out what to order.”

Santa scowled and said, “Just be quiet.” Like we were children, which we are not. We patronize jazz clubs!

Just so we’re clear, A was the most well-behaved child who ever childed and practically showed up to preschool with a briefcase. No one has ever told her, “Just be quiet.” And I was so hyperfocused on craft kits and Legos that no one ever told me that either. In fact, adults scolded me to be less quiet because “You’re like a little ninja.”

“That wasn’t very Midwestern,” said Julia. “Don’t get the wrong idea, Mom. People in Ann Arbor are usually very chill.”

“He’s probably a boomer,” said Julia’s mom, who is a boomer herself, and incredibly cool.

We ordered our drinks and tried to enjoy the jazz.

Here’s the thing about jazz. People think they enjoy it, because music, right? Who doesn’t like music? Everyone loved La La Land, and there was jazz in that, right?

But what you don’t know about jazz, until you’re trapped in a jazz club with incinerated child octopi and furious boomers, is that the average jazz song is about fifteen minutes long. There’s the normal part, that sounds like a song and tells a story you can follow and enjoy, and then the improv starts. Every musician starts playing scales or hitting the drums in a way that should be exciting but really isn’t, and should build to something musically but really doesn’t, and then when they’re done the audience claps and the next person does the same thing, but it’s like listening to several minutes of joke set-ups with no punchlines. Over and over, until they just stop and then the next song starts.

“Are they going to do this for every song?” I thought about saying, but then did not, because I didn’t want to anger the man.

Instead, I checked my phone for a quick primer on jazz appreciation.

I still hadn’t eaten anything and A had declared that we wouldn’t be ordering any food so we could leave sooner . . . but not soon enough.

Other people were chatting and eating and enjoying the music, but I wasn’t doing any of those things.

A was glaring daggers into the back of Santa’s head.

Julia and her mom weren’t super into it either, to the point that Julia claimed that if she rushed the stage and pretended to be the next act by riffing on a triangle, no one would question it. Her mom was supportive of this, so it was time to go.

We said good-bye outside, relieved at finally being allowed to speak freely.

“That drum solo went on FOREVER,” said Julia.

“I thought the cymbal crash meant it was over but it just kept going!” said A.

“I really liked La La Land an hour ago and now I hate it,” I said.

So my journey to find something that will beat seasonal affective disorder back to whence it came continues. Will I go complicated and attempt to make my first panettone, which can take 24 HOURS to bake?

Or keep it simple and just get some mozzarella sticks?

          Baking vs. Jazz: Holiday Showdown I’ve been experimenting with a couple of new ways to beat the winter blues—baking with such frenzy that I have to buy the 18 egg cartons and the person at the register asks me, "Big weekend plans?" every.

[reflectivestarlightcore]

Every book I read in 2021 summarised in one sentence and reviewed in another: Part 1

This is probably the most inconsequential thing anyone has ever done but this was the first year I kept a list of the books I’ve read so I kind of wanted it to build to something. I also do kind of hope that those who bother to read this very very very very long list will find at least one book they might be interested in:

Act of Grace - Anna Krien. An Australian Iraq vet, an Iraqi pianist refugee, and an Indigenous Australian activist watch as their lives intersect in ways they could have never imagined. The twists and turns are really, really interesting, but the ending is way too abrupt.

Cloud and Wallfish - Anne Nesbet. In 1989, an American family move to communist East Berlin for toooootally legit reasons, forcing their ten-year-old son and his speech impediment to make new friends. The friendship story is really sweet and all, but the out-of-nowhere spy thriller mystery subplot is the real top-tier stuff.

Under the Visible Life - Kim Echlin. A Pakistani woman in a stable but loveless marriage and a half-Chinese woman in a passionate but unstable marriage both move to NYC and bond over their love of piano. One of the two protagonists is waaay more compelling than the other and it does affect the book’s quality.

Wrecked - Maria Padian. A budding college romance comes under stress when it emerges that the girlfriend’s roommate is accusing the boyfriend’s dormmate of rape. So empathetic, complex, multifaceted, and realistic it should be compulsory reading for anyone who has any opinion at all about sexual assault.

Axiom’s End (Noumena #1) - Lindsay Ellis. In an alternate 2007, a college linguistics dropout is kidnapped by one alien and befriended by another, leading her to become the interpreter and advocate for the latter alien. The worldbuilding is great, but Ellis has said this book’s main purpose is set-up and it shows.

The Queen’s Rising (‘Queen’s’ Series #1) - Rebecca Ross. A young girl who is her world’s equivalent of a history major finds out that her supernatural ability is crucial to a plot to overthrow a tyrannical king. The worldbuilding is absolutely breathtaking, but the romantic ending is extreeemely questionable.

Anna Karenina - Lev (Leo) Tolstoy. In late 19th century Russia, an aristocratic woman devotes herself to a passionate extramarital affair, while a farmer who has a crush on her sister-in-law undergoes several existential crises. It’s really long and can be a bit of a slow burn, but the good parts (most notably the resolutions for both main protagonists) make it so, so worth it.

The Rise of Kyoshi (Kyoshi Series #1) - F.C. Yee. In the Avatar: The Last Airbender universe, a young servant girl discovers she is the all-powerful Avatar immediately after losing two people very close to her, an event that pushes her to join an outlaw gang. As is to be expected from ATLA, the worldbuilding and character development are both absolutely fantastic.

The Shadow of Kyoshi (Kyoshi Series #2) - F.C. Yee. After being revealed to the world as the Avatar, Kyoshi has to fight rival factions in the turbulent Fire Nation. It’s shorter and faster-paced than Rise, but honestly I couldn’t tell you which one I like better - they’re pretty much the same in terms of quality.

In Cold Blood - Truman Capote. The true story behind the lives of two outlaw men who murdered a prominent Midwestern family in 1959. I had to read this for school, and as such read it multiple times, and though I enjoyed it more each time, the ethics of this book (in terms of its truthfulness and objectivity) are still something I am a little uneasy about.

[peggyfromtheblockk]

Get to Know the Blogger

Hey! So, I’ve realized aside from a few comments here and there, I haven’t really talked on here at all! This sad thought made me realize it was time to share a lot of unnecessary stuff so maybe you can get a basic--detailed--idea of who I am. So here’s a bunch of word vomit and feel free to come talk to me, I promise I’m a lot nicer than a lot of my answers make me seem lol

Name: You can call me E.

Age: 20

Zodiac sign: Aries

Height: 5’7

Languages spoken: English but I do remember a few random words of Spanish

Nationality & Location: American and Michigan

Work: Currently working in the infant room at a daycare

Favorite fruit: Blueberries

Favorite scent: Lavender, vanilla, or apple

Favorite animal: I really love otters and llamas

Favorite fictional character: Dana Scully of course (though, I do have a soft spot for Stella Gibson)

Favorite candy: KitKat’s but currently I’ll devour almost any chocolate given to me

Favorite holiday: Christmas and Halloween. But probably Halloween more because I love the prep and the actual day, whereas I just really love the prep for Christmas

Favorite season: I really like autumn because my hometown and college towns are so beautiful but I love spring because I love everything coming back to life

Favorite Social Media? Twitter, but like, stan twitter

Favorite thing about where you live? I just love that I have some of my favorite people within literal minutes of me. It’s a really comforting feeling. And we have a fair every year which is gross but entertaining at the same time

Favorite swear word? Probably shit, but fuck and damn do escape quite often

What are you listening to:  As of right now When I Kissed The Teacher from MM2

What Books Are You Reading? I have three books I haven’t finished and haven’t touched in like two months. We, Beaches, and Yes Please

What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed? Around 1 in the morning usually

What Makes You Happy? A lot of things, though I don’t always realize that. I’m usually an “It’s the little things” person too. BUT to answer, Gillian and msr never fail to make me happy

What Are You Craving Right Now? I could smash a plate of spaghetti right now

What Is Your Gender? Female (she/her pronouns)

What Is Your Sexuality? Bisexual but I’m definitely like 85% women, 15% men

What’s The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters? MAMMA MIA 2 IM SO EXCITED

What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest? I’m a sucker for blue eyes

What Do You Wear To Bed? A tee and shorts usually but if I’m in The Mood I’ll wear just a tee (Yes, That Mood)

What Sounds Are Your Favourite? I love the sound of a campfire and babies laughing or babbling literally melts my heart

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Usually, their eyes but I’m drawn to those with a bright genuine smile

What’s something that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Being With My People. They never fail to make me feel warm and fuzzy. Also when I get a cute little note from my favorite professor on an assignment because she is like the light of my life  

What are your hobbies? When I’m not in school I like to read and I’m able to write some. During school, you can find me watching x files, sleeping, or enjoying movies or music

What’s your favorite book? I love anything by Laurie Halse Anderson and really anything in the YA genre

What inspires you? Gillian is really inspiring to me because of all the work she does to help others. Bette Midler too

What’s your favorite place in the whole world? well, ok. So, I love Mackinac Island because it’s so beautiful and peaceful (even with thousands of tourists covering the tiny location) but I also just love when I’m with my people. When I’m with one of My People wherever we are, that’s my favorite place because I’m really happy. Also, I really love my work because nothing exists outside those four walls except the babies I take care of

What do you typically have for breakfast? A big cup of coffee and the occasional bagel or bowl of cereal

What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? The first semester of my sophomore year I had this 60-70 page case study due for the end of the term for an education class. For at least a week I would stay up until about 5 am working on it, go to sleep, get up at 7:30 am and do it all over again. That’s been my most stressful and sleep deprived time of my life so far and just looking bad makes me shudder. At least I got a 99% on it

What makes you angry? A lot of things. Let’s not get into that.

What makes you nervous? Uh, everything. But thinking about the real part of my future (bills, working, adulting) really gets me going

Do you wear glasses: Yes and these specific frames fucking suck and my eyes keep getting worse (my doctor told me I’d need surgery before I turned 30, wtf thanks dude)

Do You Have Freckles? Yes and it used to bother me how many I have but thanks to fics that mention Scully’s, I’ve become fond of them

Do You Sing In The Shower? When my family or suitemates aren’t home, then yes I usually belt it all out but usually, I stick to humming

Do You Collect Anything? Postcards and shot glasses. And llama things now too apparently

Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean? Pool because it’s clean and I can see the bottom

Do You Study Better With Or Without Music? It depends on the subject or the task but I almost always need some type of constant sound

Do You Save Money Or Spend It? Save it usually but I also tend to spend it all on a big impulse purchase

Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now? That’s why I’m here lmao

Do You Have Strange Dreams? Alright so I just started taking Zoloft and before it, my dreams would be weird but like unrealistic-weird, like having-a-bad-trip-weird. But since starting the med, my dreams have become realistically-weird, like sometimes I wake up and question if that all really happened

Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning? When I’m at school, yes, but when I’m home I usually just say fuck it because I’ll be back in it at least 8 more times

Do You Like To Read / Write? I love to read (fics, duh) but I do try my hand at writing but I struggle to finish anything and I’m terrified to post any of my work on here

Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About? YES and it’s just barely halfway into summer break and I’ve got a huge assignment due the first day back

Do You Get Homesick? Sometimes but I really do love my college life and wouldn’t change it

Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More? A mix but because of work, jeans most days

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Sarcasm is my middle name

Do you believe in miracles? Yeah I think so

Do you have any special talents? I don’t think so but I’m good at taking care of kids. Sometimes my supervisor calls me the baby whisperer lol

Do you have any pets? Three cats and a dog and some succulents

Do you have any siblings? A little (half) brother and then technically I have four other half-siblings but they don’t know I exist

Do you believe in the paranormal? Absolutely. A big secret of mine….I actually could, and sometimes still can interact with spirits...Just call me Mrs. Spooky

Do you play any instruments? Nope but somehow I have managed to have a guitar and a keyboard in my possession. I do sing though and was in choir for 7 years

Do you have any crushes? Do celebrities or fictional characters count? If no, then no

Do you have any bad and/or anxious habits? I just have panic attacks a lot lmao and I tend to get really bitchy and mean when I’m anxious which I feel bad about but I can’t stop it

Do you believe in anything enough to fight for it? My right to marry whoever I want and have kids with whoever I want and be in control of my body. There’s probably more but those have been on my mind today

Do you keep a journal? Yeah a few actually but I lose motivation after a little bit and it takes so much to start it over

Do you like your age? Yes and no. I’m an adult which is cool and all but like….most of my friends are old enough to drink and it really pisses me off that I’m 9 months short of legally doing that. I’m super responsible and mature for my age like what will 9 months do to change that? It’s just stupid that I can join the military and go thousands of dollars into debt but I can’t have a glass of wine with my mom at a block party. UGH. American laws  S U C K

Do you like your own name? Yes, I love my name. When I was a kid I hated it, I didn’t get the sentiment of being named after someone. I finally got the sentiment around the time my grandma started getting sick. Now that she’s gone, I know just how blessed I am to carry on the legacy of my full name and try to make her proud.

Do you have any scars? Oh plenty, I’m really clumsy. My most notable is the one on my thumb from a freak childhood accident that nearly cut my entire thumb pad off. What a wild time

Do you have a strong accent? I’m from Michigan so apparently, I have a strong Midwestern accent but I don’t hear it. But anytime I’m on the phone/skyping with my friend from Missouri, she always points it out and laughs

Do you talk to yourself? Probably too much but also not in the way that I think is expected. I’m just constantly talking in my head like a constant tv interview about whatever the fuck I’m thinking about which 99% of the time is msr lol

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: All of the above

Beer or wine or neither: W I N E

When was your blog created: I knew this was the place to find the best gifs and fics and I wanted to be in the fandom more since I’m so new. Also, I wanted to try my hand at fic writing but I continue to lose the motivation or the courage to write/post

Last movie you’ve seen: Hotel Transylvania is pretty much on repeat in my house thanks to my little brother, so most likely it’s that

First job: My first job was customer service/field hand on a blueberry patch but my first legit legal job is/was at a daycare

Pet peeve: The first I can think of is slow walkers because I walk so fast because my legs are like a mile long

The color of your eyes: Green but they used to be giant sky-blue saucers

Night owl/day person: I don’t like getting up before 9 but past midnight I’m a grouch

Tattoos:  None yet, but I have two planned, it’s just a matter of money and timing

Like to cook: Not really but I can cook enough to survive which is typical for college

Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 20 Give the last two lines: “Action: Today I will be kind to myself. Affirmation: This is who I am, and I feel glad to be me” - We

Last Person You Cried In Front Of? I cried while holding a baby at work because my shift is changing so things will be different and also my hormones are really out of whack right now

If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be? Any shade of purple

Name One Movie That Made You Cry: Beaches is my go-to crying movie, same goes for Steel Magnolias (what a typical answer, I know)

If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be? Cher, Reba, DD, Bette Midler or Straight No Chaser. Reba especially though because she’s going to be near me soon but it's a 21+ event and I’m nine months short of that so I’m really pissed I can’t go

Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents? Carve pumpkins but I do a damn good job wrapping too

Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set? I loved it even though it made me sick. There’s a park down the street from my campus so if I’m really upset, I’ll go down there and blast my headphones and swing until I forget what’s happening. It’s really therapeutic

Name Something That Relaxes You: I have some relaxing instrumental playlists and I’ll put one of them on, turn on my lavender oil diffuser, and hop in a nice hot shower (and the hot water at college doesn’t run out so I can pretty much be in there for like ever really) or I’ll watch a fav movie that tends to soothe me

Scary movie or happy endings? Happy endings give me life. The fluffier the better

When was the last time you cried? I’m sure I’ve cried today and just don’t remember. There’s literally not a day that goes by that I don’t shed tears but I literally cry so easy (This video or this video will make me cry almost instantly)

Where would you like to visit? I’ve wanted to visit Barcelona and California since I was a kid but in the past 4 years I’ve really wanted to visit New York and Greece

Describe your favorite people in the whole world? I’ll just sum all five of them up with they literally make me feel so warm, happy, and validated. I love them so much I could cry just thinking about them. And don’t get me started with Gillian because I do often cry when I think  about her I just really love her a lot ok

Who would be your ideal partner? Gillian Anderson, Dana Scully, or Fox Mulder of course. No, but I want someone who’s like me morals/humor wise

Most used phrase? Right now I’m really into saying “Yikes” but “god fucking dammit” leaves my mouth A LOT

Most used word? Probably “like” as much as I hate to admit it

Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert 100% except when I’m with My People of course because I feel comfortable with them

Who was your first real crush? I had plenty of crushes during early school years but I think my first real one was on a school employee. Wowza I was head over heels for her and the very obvious knew-it-was-coming heartbreak hurt a lot

How many piercings do you have? Just my first holes in my ears but I’ve been thinking about getting my Helix pierced (upper portion of the ear)

How do you deal with stress? Uhhhh I panic first lol. I tend to listen to music—very specific songs that I know will drown out the anxiety/stress, or sometimes I’ll write what I’m feeling, go for a walk, read an absolute favorite fic in my list, watch x files, or I’ll just scroll through my thousands of pictures of GA lol

How many pillows do you sleep with? Three, sometimes four and then I have four accent pillows when I make my bed. Too many, as I’ve been told by everyone

Have you ever been to the hospital? Been to? Yes, plenty of times. Been in/admitted? No, thankfully

Have you ever met any celebrities? In 2016 I went to a rally for Hillary that Cher was speaking at so like…I was in the same room as her. AND THEN my friend shoved me up to her path as she was leaving and she touched my hand and I literally nearly passed out

Have you ever been in a position of authority? I am always deemed the mom friend so I’ll let you figure out that answer...

Have you ever drank underage? Yeah but nothing crazy. I just really like my wine. The craziest I’ve ever gotten was after I turned in that case study, I chugged half a bottle of wine (on an empty stomach), got bad heartburn, and then went to bed for like 14 hours

Are You Easily Influenced By Other People? Depends on the person, but I’d have to say no unless it’s Gillian/Scully/Stella

Are You A Picky Eater? I say yes, but compared to my brother and my uncle, no

Are You A Heavy Sleeper? Usually yes

Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life? Just my momma, but I do see my *gag* father around my hometown every now and again

Are you religious? Not really. I used to go to church a few years back, and then went to another church which ruined a lot of stuff for me and then I went through some tough stuff that made me question, idk

Are you a good liar? I like to think so (I say that as if lying is something I should be proud of), at least to everyone but my mom because I swear I can pull off the best lie ever and she always sees right through me

Are you a clean or messy person? My home life is messy. My room is trashed but the things that are put away are organized. But life at college is completely opposite, my dorm is very clean and organized and I clean it top to bottom every weekend

If you made it this far, thank you for putting up with my crazy long first post, and I’m sorry that I practically vomited my thoughts into a jumbled mess but I wanted to share myself with you! 

[scientifically-strange]

I'm daring you. 1. - 47.

1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I mean, that would be nice. I mean, I’m not actively looking for one right now, but if someone comes my way I’m not exactly going to get in the way of my own happiness, you know?

2.When did your last hug take place?

A few hours ago. My stepdad was saying goodnight to me

3.Are you a jealous person?

No, not really. I’m a pretty laid back person

4.Are you tired right now?

Bro, that’s like my default mode, alright. I’m always tired, 24/7

5.Do you chew on your straws?

Sometimes. Not recently though since I just got my retainer like a week ago

6.Have you ever been called a tease?

No? I mean, in bed sure a couple times, but in general like ‘hey you’re leading me on’ kind of tease, never. I’m a very blunt, straightforward person sometimes

7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

Listen, I know sometimes I make jokes about hating myself, but I don’t hate myself that much. 

8.Do you cry easily?

I do, but not often. Usually when I cry it’s from an intense emotional buildup over a long period of time because I subconsciously bottle things up without realizing it until it’s too late so

9.What should you be doing right now?

Math homework, sleeping, mentally preparing myself for having to work on Thanksgiving

10.Are you a heavy sleeper?

I live in a house with four dogs, a noisy younger brother, an older brother with noisy friends, and my dog’s snoring and godawful farts, so yeah, I am. If I wasn’t I would literally just be awake the whole time

11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?

My last big relationship lasted almost 3 years, so yeah, I think I can do that

12.Are you mad at someone right now?

Yeah, but only in the sense that if the subject is brought up I’ll rant big time and talk some major shit, but I’m not like outright looking for someone to be angry at, it just sort of happens

13.Do you believe in love?

Yes.

14.What makes you laugh no matter what?

There’s this comic floating around on this site somewhere where Captain America sneezes and Tony says god bless america and the last panel is like this closeup of Cap’s face and he looks just like Kermit the Frog and it makes me lose my fucking shit every time I see it

15.Who was the last person you talked to?

My stepdad

16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like?

Platonically? No, but with people I have a sort of crush on, yeah, sometimes. 

17.Will you get married?

Hopefully one day. I can’t really see myself with a husband though, so I’m gonna be searching for that soft wife of mine who can crush my skull with her thighs

18.When was the last time you smiled?

When I was answering question 14

19.Does anyone like you?

Yeah, but the feeling is not returned. He’s 14 and in the tae kwon do class before mine, and I’m 18 and don’t do that so

20.Do you secretly like someone?

Um...Idk? Maybe? I’m pretty clueless with my own feelings sometimes, so if I like someone it’ll take me a cool minute to realize it. So in short, TBD

21.Who was the first person you talked to today?

Does my dog count

22.Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

A close friend of mine who I’ve known for almost ten years, a new internet friend of mine, and one of my friends from high school who I still talk to regularly

23.What are you NOT looking forward to?

The holiday season and fucking Star Wars. Listen, okay, FUCK Star Wars (I work at a fucking movie theater literally shoot me)

24.What ARE you looking forward to?

I got the job to this dance place the next town over from mine. They teach ballroom dancing, and for the next three months I’m gonna be training with them to become an official instructor. My training for it starts next week, and I’m really excited about it

25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?

Yeah, plenty of times

26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?

Listen, I wouldn't care. We’re not together anymore, so why should it matter? It shows me that they’ve moved on to a hopefully happier, healthier relationship, and even if I didn’t leave on best terms with someone, I still want them to be happy

27.Do you plan on moving out within the next year?

No, I can;t afford that. College is expensive my dudes

28.Are you a forgiving person?

Yeah, I like to think so. What happened then is water under the bridge now, and there’s way to much time wasted on hate where I could be doing other things, like sleeping or talking to my dog like she’s my therapist

29.How many TRUE friends do you have?

Six

30.Do you fall for people easily?

I don;t think I do? Like, usually I would like to know the person for years befroe we start going out. With my last relationship we knew each other for six going on seven years before we dated for a couple months, and before that I had known my ex for three years before we started dating. So no, not really. It makes it kind of hard to get a girlfriend of a boyfriend because I want to be with someone but I don;t want to settle for just anybody who I have no emotional connection with

31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?

No, those are strictly platonic relationships

32.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?

My retainer 

33.Who was the last person you drove with?

My younger brother. As stated above I work at a movie theater, so I took him there and we watched the new Thor movie and Justice League (which are both amazing btw)

34.How late did you stay up last night and why?

I stayed up until about 1:30 am because I was at work

35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?

Probably. I live in midwestern America right now, so the economy isn’t all that great and some people are overly conservative (If you’re a conservative idgaf, i’m talking about the ones that think I should have the gay electrocuted out of me, or the ones that think cutting school funding is a legit smart idea)(Because it’s fucking not but that’s a whole other story I’m not going to get into)

36.Who was the last person you took a picture of?

Me, because I’m amazing (And was trying out a new lipstick)

37.Can you live a day without TV?

I already do that lmao

38.When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?

A couple of weeks ago. My biological father didn’t call or text for almost two months, and didn’t go to my younger brother’s big football tournament down in Dallas. When he did finally text me, the conversation was four messages long and there was no apology or explanation. He acted like it was able to be swept under the rug so yeah, I’m kind of disappointed. I thought he would finally stop doing that

39.Three names you go by..

My birth name, JoAnn, and then there’s Joan and Joananana (and only one person is allowed to call me that)

40.Are you currently in a relationship?

With a person, no, but with my new OCs, god I wish

41.What is your all-time favorite romance movie?

Captain America: The Winter Soldier, and no, I don’t mean Steggy/Steve x Sharon

42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?

No. I mean, there are people who don’t like romantic/sexual stuff so no. Unless you mean in a platonic way, because sure, everybody has that best friend soul mate. 

43.What’s your current problem?

Everything

44.Have you ever had your heart broken?

Yeah, a few times. I don’t want to talk about that unless it’s through dms though, it’s too personal

45.Your thoughts of long distance relationships?

If you can make it work than good on you, but I personally do not care for them

46.How many kids do you want to have?

Three. That way they can entertain themselves and I can have more grandchildren to spoil 

47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them

I feel like that’s gonna be a situation that’s always going to be hard no matter how many times you do it. It’s because you’re opening yourself up and exposing your most vulnerable parts , therefore making you open to rejection. So yeah, I have, but luckily those people have shared the same feelings. At least for a little while

[abiteofnat]

NYC? NYFEEDME... 

Because if there’s one thing NYC is good at, it’s making sure my bottomless pit of a stomach is consistently full of something tastyyy. As well as beautiful. They are the epitome of making food into an art and waste no time or money with creative executions of something as simple as “cookie dough” (more on that later). A couple weeks ago I went to NYC as a part of a) finding a smart-kid college for my smart-kid sister and b) due to a standing family vacation reservation that fit in nicely to part “a” so after my donut-filled Syracuse excursion we bopped on down to Midtown! There was the glitz n’ fake glamour of NYC just blocks away in Times Square, but we tucked away in the 1 Hotel on 6th which has become a second home of sorts. While it’s strangely organic and it all smells like wood and hemp, it’s a literal oasis from the trashbag-lined streets and taxis honking and honking (and honking). Do NOT get me wrong, I ADORE New York. I live for the salty street pretzels and the iced coffee at every deli and the need to just live it up there constantly. But I’m a Chicago girl, midwestern to the bone and Jesus I thought I might have a better fate in store but it appears I’m baseball and cheese fries until I die. 

Give me ten days in that wild city though and I will make them my bitch! Since I’d only ever spent 48 hours at a time in NYC many times a year in the past few years, and still managed to consume most of the island I was concerned as to how I would fare. I’d say thankfully we as a family eat pretty healthy and my one friend I stayed with is a ~vegan~ and the other one is a marathon runner with a taste for really really good carbs, so damage was light. I’ve rounded up my tippity-top spots for grub worth taking one to one million photos of and I hope you get to go try them all, because I’m a creature of habit and rarely wine n dine somewhere once so I’ll see you around! 

1. BLUESTONE LANE! 

This cafe was one of my sister’s finds, and still one of my favorites to look back on! Elise isn’t usually one to choose where we dine, but we all needed coffee and a breakfast that wasn’t bagels on bagels (which would be my choice if it was my turn to choose breakfast) and she pointed us to a little funky-chic cafe called Bluestone Lane, an Australian chain dotted across NYC. The location we went to was on 5th Ave (2 E 90th ST for the exact address) and was attached to a gorgeous old church, the seating within some of the re-done structure with tables spilling out onto the scenic sidewalk. Bluestone offers a “reasonably” priced, health-oriented menu that’s somewhat Cali and somewhat NYC-foodie-on-a-mission-for-THE-PIC. I was beyond thrilled to get to shoot this food- we ate at a table right inside the doors between the beautiful stone walls which meant natural, warm light and perfect people watching. 

What we ate: the BIRCHER MUESLI STOLE THE SHOW. With creamy oats, crisp apples, quinoa for texture and health benefits, and seasonal berries + fruits it was a killer combo of filling and still light in the stomach. The homemade banana bread (gluten free!) with ricotta and fruit is a great sharing plate which is exactly what we did, and added something sweet and heavier to everyone’s meals. The avocado smash was beautifully composed “On Balthazar toast with tahini, heirloom cherry tomatoes, feta, sunflower sprouts & e.v.o.o” (from website) and could have been the full meal if we came an hour later. For a breakfast/brunch/lunch date, this is the place. You want to sip their scrumptious espresso and fragrant, rich chai over the colorful food and chat forever in these walls. And guess what? The Guggenheim Museum is right next door, which is exactly where we went after this meal. How perfect is that? 

2. DOUGH!

So my mom loves donuts. As in donuts are worth twenty minutes to find parking for, legit anger if they are sold out, real old school donut appreciation level of love. This is something I love deeply about her and why I can always count on a “yes” upon a donut excursion request, and while in NYC it’s a m u s t to go to Dough. These big ole fluffy fuckers are too good to skip, and given there’s plenty of flashy, over-the-top donuts to be found on Instagram I can’t praise Dough enough. These are bigger than your hand but weigh less than a baby bunny, and the flavors do nothing but enhance the sweet, airy dough you can watch being hand-fried in the back baking room through a glass wall. My favorite one to date is the Blood Orange donut coated in the prettiest pink glaze and donning a dried orange slice, and it’s tangy and flavorful and citrusy without being sickeningly sweet. 

The other front runners are the chocolate-hazelnut and the lemon poppyseed which tastes like a much less buttery version of lemon poppyseed pound cake and instead would make a lovely breakfast pastry. While Dough is small and there isn’t much open seating since it’s ~always~ full of people eating a donut with fork and knife, my family grouped up by the window and shared donuts with chocolaty fingers and smiles galore. Can’t frown when you’re eating a donut unless you’re a miserable person! 

There she is, the Blood Orange baddie calling my name. I’ll be back, my sweet. 

3. TOBY’S ESTATE COFFEE

What’s a family vacation in my family without copious coffee??? Seeing as donuts and 3 p.m. always call for caffeine, we wandered around the Flatiron District where Dough is located and found this little coffee shop that’s Brooklyn originated and very very cute. They take coffee seriously so don’t expect grande sizes, but do expect major taste. Bonus? It’s attached to a boutique bookstore so you can sip and shop (but do NOT SPILL). I got a mocha and it was rich, delicious, and also very expensive. That’s what good espresso (cough cough not Starbucks) will cost you. 

4. DŌ, Cookie Dough Confections

That’s right, another “dough”! There’s a theme here of trendy sweet treats and this one certainly takes the... dough. Made famous through social media and the 2017 “need” for colorful and unique foodie experiences, DŌ offers a variety of cookie dough flavors all entirely safe to eat either in a cup or a cone quite like an ice cream store! I turned 22 during our trip and this was my pick for birthday breakfast because what adult doesn’t want to turn 22 while eating a scoop of oatmeal and M&M cookie dough that comes in a PINK CONE?!?!? I may be getting old and gross, but my stomach is still a dessert-driven child. I literally only eat my vegetables so we can get to the real stuff. 

We came at a great time- given the fact it’s such a destination spot there can be up to a 2+ hour wait (!!!) so we got there bright n’ early at 10 a.m. and there were enough people to feel cool but not too many people that I was like weneedtoleaverightnowfuckthedough. Mom got the chocolate chip dough on a chocolate chip cone, Elise got the plain ole sugar cookie, and my dad nibbled on a little of it all which was impressive since his sweet tooth is nonexistent. I guess when you don’t have a birthday cake there are no candles, right? NAH. THIS PLACE HAS IT ALL. We got some candles and stuck em right in there. 

And the fact we had leftovers to eat during intermission at “Kinky Boots” on Broadway that night when we were taking a break from salivating over Brendan Urie? PERFECTO. Brendan and DŌ. A winning combo and making me feel real good about 22 so far. 

5. SANCTUARY T! 

HA as if the birthday eating ended there. I planned weeks and weeks ahead to have dinner at Sanctuary T on my birthday, as it’s one of my absolute favorite restaurants in the world, and my mom dragged her heels for a while asking if I was “entirely sure I did not want to try somewhere NEW and FRESH” and I stayed strong because Sanc T is my bliss. She regretted that resistance when we sat down in the fucking cute Free People photoshoot setting of this place and got a rose on happy hour, and when the food was brought to the table I pondered how is this place not on every foodie list because it’s all just so GOOD. The truffle-Caesar kale salad is incredible, as the kale is crunchy and earthy which plays off the strong smooth linger of the truffle dressing, and the fish tacos are fried to perfection and topped with pickled root veggies. The fries (also on happy hour!) come with -surprise- truffle aioli, and they are the best fries in NYC. I’m just going to go ahead and make that claim. The burrata was thick but silky and on homemade bread with some olive oil it was straight s-e-x. Slippery and salty and best with an alcoholic drink in arm’s reach.  

There’s nothing bad on this menu. Nothing. So go H A M and eat it allllllll up. It’s in SoHo so it’s a great area to walk around before or after dinner, with amazing classic New York architecture and picturesque streets. Make sure to hit up the Brandy Melville nearby and scoot over to MarieBelle for after-dinner hot chocolate and sweets. 

That will do it for part one of “Natalie Eats NYC”, part two will be up in a couple days!!! While I can write forever, I don’t think y’all want to read forever. So I’ve chunked it up. 

Until next time, Happy Eating!

-Natalie

[gobigorgohome2016]

Staying Injury Free

A few days ago one of Dave’s former college teammates stayed with us.  He and I talked shop, and he was especially curious about my high mileage and durability, given that he had been plagued with mileage-related injuries for most of his running career.  He made the comment that I must be very biomechanically sound, and I laughed.  While I have worked hard to fix a lot of my inefficiencies, 15 of the past 17 years of running I had pretty bad form.  

On a shakeout the other day, Dave and I were talking about possible reasons why I have been fortunate to be relatively injury-free, drawing upon my 7-years of being injury-free in middle school and high school, my 5 years of being mostly injured in college, and then the previous 6 years where I have had two injuries:  a calf strain that was directly related to rolling out of bed, hungover, and going immediately for a dehydrated run in high heat and humidity after 4 hours of sleep, and an “up the chain” injury that resulted from poor dorsii flexion in my ankle, causing compensations in my knee/hip.  I consider both of those to be somewhat freak injuries, different than if I were to have sustained a stress fracture or tendonitis.  

Anyway, I noticed that a lot of people have posted on social media that one of their new year’s resolutions is to be injury free in 2017.  Listed here are some of the factors that I think have helped me be pretty durable throughout my running career.

I Have Good Genes First and foremost, I’m sure genetics play a huge role.  If you know my family, you’re probably like, umm, really, good genes?  Isn’t everyone in your family sick?  While the answer is yes, my dad has regenerative super healing powers that have made him last much longer than he probably should have.  For instance, 5 years ago he had congestive heart failure.  This past year, cardiologists at mayo clinic announced the heart failure to be a fluke [this is not normal].  His primary mayo clinic doctor has also marveled numerous times that he seems to have super healing abilities when it comes to surgeries and other procedures.  I am convinced that I have some of his recovery abilities.  My mom is also pretty hardy, which shouldn’t be surprising considering she claims she was a pioneer in her past life and will be a farrier (horse shoer) in her next life.  (note:  my mom is afraid of horses).  If you don’t have good genes, it helps to figure out your deficiencies.  Do all of your family members suffer from low bone density?  Calcium supplements and strength training may be a good way to mitigate these issues.  

I Run on Soft Surfaces In middle school and high school I only ever ran on soft surfaces, thanks to the nearby Indiana Dunes and a coach who was willing to drive us out there every day.  My only injury-free year of college also consisted primarily of soft-surface running.  I do think that one reason for my injuries the rest of the time in Milwaukee was due to running on A LOT of concrete.  Post-college, I returned to trails and crushed limestone, and it was a great transition for my legs.  Now, 75%+ of my running is on trails or crushed gravel. 

I’m Lazy I have said it before and I will say it again:  I don’t love running for the sake of running.  For me, training is a necessary evil so that I can do what I truly enjoy, which is race.  Therefore, my brain is always looking for a way out.  If I have the slightest niggle, sniffle, or prolonged muscle soreness, I take a day off or cut my run short.  The focus is on being able to race for me, not painfully powering through a run just so that I can write it down in my running log.

Good Coaching The more that I talk to others, the more I am realizing how much a coach shapes the early stages of a runner’s development.  I was very fortunate that my high school coach (who is also my current coach) preached the importance of getting to the starting line healthy.  I have always understood that health > hitting all of your workouts.  I distinctly remember my junior year of high school going over my running log with my coach and being proud of the fact that I had run 100 days in a row.  I told him about how I almost didn’t make it because I had a week where my calves were absolutely destroyed and I didn’t really want to do my Sunday run, but didn’t want to give up my streak.  In my 16 year old dumb head I thought I was being smart and awesome, but instead he told me I should have called him that day and he would have told me to rest.  I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my junior track season was relatively my worst out of all of high school. 

Sponsorship One thing that has surprised me is that I’m more cautious with my training now that I have sponsorship and am on elite ambassador teams.  I truthfully would have thought it would be the other way around.  But, while no sponsor or ambassador program has said this to me, I know that I am worth more as an athlete to be running high level races than to not be running at all.  If that means taking a day off here or there to rehab an injury, then I am more likely to do so than I was 5 year ago.  I also realize that getting invited to run big events sometimes depends on whether I have raced recently, and staying healthy & racing often is as much a business decision as it is something I enjoy.

I Ignore Pace I, like 99.9% of runners, don’t need to be told to speed up.  I will run the pace that’s right for me and my body on any given day.  So, unless I’m running a long run or a workout, I don’t wear my GPS.  I simply map a route for the mileage and run.  I see it way too often where people don’t like the pace they see on their watch (even though it’s the right pace for the day) so they speed up and stress their bodies unnecessarily.  If I am wearing  watch, I tend to run “Badger Miles,” where I just assume I’m running 8 minute pace.  Most times I’m running faster, but sometimes I’m running slower, too.  Since I run primarily on trails, it’s silly to keep a GPS going anyway.  

I’m Flexible Case in point:  over the weekend, I raced a 5k, lifted afterwards, and then ran a 20 miler in the mud the next day, which usually doesn’t bother me but left me very, very sore come Sunday night.  Instead of doing my planned 20 x 200 m on Tuesday, I am heading out in an hour to run the workout, feeling way better now than I did yesterday.  While there are times you should run on tired legs, I’m not at that part in my training cycle.  Being flexible in terms of when I train, and allowing myself ample recovery, is a huge part of staying injury-free.  This is also why I purposely don’t train with others.  If there were set workout days, I would have a difficult time putting the needs of my body over my ego.  

I Sleep I 1000% get that not everyone has the luxury to sleep as much as I do.  But, a lot of people could stand to cut back on mileage in order to increase sleep, and this wouldn’t hurt their fitness (it would do the opposite).  A rule of thumb that I love:  add 10 minutes of sleep for every 10 miles of weekly running.  Therefore, if you run 50 miles per week, add 50 minutes of sleep each night to your base level.  For me, even when I’m not running, I need 7 - 8 hours of sleep.  That means I need 8.5 - 9.5 hours of sleep per night, which is pretty accurate considering I tend to average 9 hours of sleep when I don’t set an alarm.  Figure out the best balance of sleep and mileage for your routine.

I Eat More and more I realize how lucky I am that my mother never restricted her diet, never restricted my diet, and planned our meals based on the dessert she wanted to serve that night.  Growing up, I subsisted on a midwestern diet based on the strict GI needs of my father (who no longer has a colon and can only eat easy-to-digest foods).  We ate a lot of simple foods: meat, potatoes, fish, cooked veggies, and gravies, as well as apple crisps, pies, and shortcakes.  Baking powder biscuits, of which the primary ingredient is crisco, was a staple in our household.  2% milk was served with every meal.  I grew up strong and well-fueled, with a healthy attitude towards meal time.  

I Get the Science A big aggravating factor I see in athletes when it comes to injury is not wanting to take a day or two off due to fear of losing fitness or gaining weight.  Both of these points are moot, and there is plenty of science to back them up.  For one, if you take 7 days off and do absolutely nothing, you will only lose a negligible percentage of your VO2 max, which won’t matter unless you are an elite athlete at the very peak of your training cycle.  Two, you are more likely to lose “weight”, in the form of decreased inflammation, if you take a short period of time off and rehab your body. 

I Make the Right Investments Self care is important, whether that means going to yoga, foam rolling, doing stretching/strengthening activities at home, going to PT regularly (and keeping up with the exercises), or massage therapy.  For me, all of these are important in keeping myself injury free.  While paying for all of these can be difficult at times, it is definitely worth it to me to take care of my body.

I Have Poor Pain Tolerance To go along with making the right investments, I have to pay for those things because my pain tolerance for every day training isn’t very good (races are another story).  I get legit depressed if I’m in pain while I run, so I just take a few days off so that I can only run pain free.

I Had a Long Build Up If you follow my blog, you only know part of the story.  I was NOT always a high mileage runner.  In fact, I never hit a 70 mile week in my life until 2011, and I didn’t hit a 100 mile week until late 2015.  In college I never got above 60 mpw.  Unpopular opinion:  I take issue with the year-end “I ran x number of miles this year” posts because, IMO, they cause more harm than good.  If you didn’t run your highest mileage ever, you’re going to be down on yourself.  It also perpetuates the idea that more is more, when more is not more.  I ran 600 fewer miles in 2016 than 2015 and was arguably more fit.  Mileage doesn’t tell the whole story, and starting the new year hell-bent to beat a previous mileage high is a great way to get injured.  

I Strength Train I will be the first to admit that I have never appreciated the art of strength training until recently.  I stopped doing any form of strength completely between 2010 and 2016, and I will be the first to admit that I was VERY lucky not to have more serious problems than some hamstring tendonopathy.  Now that I’m back to regular strength and core work, I can say with absolute certainty that it has helped me overcome some biomechanic issues that have contributed to aches and pains in the past.

[fasa-umich]

Christine Agpasa, FASA 2020-21 Co-External Chair

Hullo FASA :)

It is I, your fellow bucket hat-wearing tiny person and External Chair, Christine. First and foremost, I would like to say thank you to everyone who I have interacted with in FASA- from a small “hello” to long 4am EST talks- I have learned from and felt welcome by every single one of you. I appreciate you all. Never have I ever felt so seen and heard as quickly as I did with FASA mass meetings, cultural workshops, dance practices, and one to three-hour board meetings. FASA truly and rapidly became a place I call home. Thank you for trusting and believing in me to be one of your 2020-21 External Chairs; it means the world.

It all started with a Battle in my home city Chicago

As some (lol actually almost everyone) already knows, I was lucky enough to begin my cultural awakening in high school as part of Lane Tech’s Filipino Club Kapamilya Habang Buhay (KHB). For the first time, I interacted with more than one other Filipino-American outside of my family, and I was enamored by the loudness and extraness of those I met. Through learning traditional Filipino dances, I gained the opportunity to be more connected with my culture early on and experience a staple midwestern Filipino-American event Battle of the Bamboo (BOTB). As I opened the show with a flick of the wrist and a few hops in between bamboo sticks, I felt pride for my Filipino heritage for the first time, and knew I wanted my college experience to be full of more dancing, more loudness, and more Filipino/Filipino/x-American culture. It was set in stone as I legit met FASA people during said Battle. They were eating lunch at the table next to where my club and I were feasting. Knowing that I would be attending UofM and that there was already an established Filipino org there, my friend sitting across from me called “them” over, intimidatingly tall, older college students- one being my future Kuya EJ and the other being one of my future FASA presidents, Matt, who is pictured above. Although that was a nerve-racking conversation for little ole high schooler Christine, it compelled me to seek out FASA at Festifall, and I will forever be grateful for the interaction. Battle will always hold a special place in my heart- as I returned to perform with my newfound FASA family, pictured below, and as it led me to an interest in External Chair.

My Battle homecoming with the former Freshie Fries

We an External Lineage huh

I would not be writing this specific testimonial today without the love and endless support of my external lineage Kuya AJ and Kuya Reggie and my lovely co-chair Lauren Escote. It seems so long ago my lineage sat me down at the top floor lounge in North Quad and told me all about the stressful and joyous wack times of External Chair right before COVID-19 kicked us out of campus. Eradicating my misbeliefs that I had to “know” people to perform the best job of External Chair and exciting me with the possibilities and connections that FASA members could strengthen and start with the position, I immediately knew that External Chair was a role I wanted to take on and challenge me. Reminiscing back to my time as FASA intern, I am grateful for the chance to experience not only how FASA board works but also the planning of FASA’s BOTB trip with Kuya Reggie. It gave me confidence while running that I knew I could handle at least some External Chair duties already. However, as we all know and despite all my expectations, a pandemic had other plans....

Being in a pandemic, almost every plan I had in mind before being elected was tossed away with a half court no-look shot bucketed >swish<. Here’s three things I’ve learned from it:

FASA’s very first collab with La Casa- the Latinx Org on campus!!

Don’t let certain barriers stop you from executing your vision, just run them over with a bulldozer (duh) or get a grappling hook, attach it to said barriers, and lock it onto a spaceship so they can fly into the void of outer space (yes I know this is random but it helps my following point). If you really want to see something happen during your time in your position, you have to find ways to ensure it can be developed. For instance, it was important to me to have FASA host a cultural shared history workshop with the Latinx org on campus. I wanted to grow FASA’s relationship with other orgs outside the AA&PI community and wanted to give members a chance to interact, meet new people, and learn from them, during a time where meeting new people was actually not advisable and just slightly dangerous in-person. With the help of a former external chair, my co, a few friends on La Casa board, and our wonderful guest faculty speakers, I’m happy to say that conversations and connections were still made even in a virtual setting.

Not only did I learn this tip from my external role, but I also observed this with other boardies. Shout-out FASA Social Chairs Jalene and Joson for an iconic, memorable, and enjoyable pandemic experience. As a more virtual member, I thank you for all the intentional work you invested into your events as it often was the highlight of my sometimes isolating sophomore year. Your ideas propelled FASA board into an excited and creative state-of-mind; I appreciate you both.

Asserting my dominance with >compassion<

Have compassion, give the benefit-of-the-doubt, and make your interactions with other orgs intentional. This job is often dependent on other people, so it’s basically a “must” to be flexible, adaptable, quick-on-your-feet at decision making, understanding, and firm in each interaction with other orgs, whether it be drafting an email to ask for materials for PCN or leading a collaborative meeting with four other orgs on a Zoom call. Don’t be afraid to be the first to reach out and take on an authoritative role during meetings. If you know what you need logistically, be sure to make that clear when asking for input. Also, understand that things happen and not everyone can meet the due date all the time, so always set deadlines much earlier than when you actually need them. You never know what is truly going on behind-the-scenes of someone’s life, so you must be patient and try to view it from their POV. Maybe they just don’t have the energy to respond when you would like, and that’s okay. Furthermore, when you don’t know how to respond to a message, ask other boardies! Sometimes you play the middle person and have to relay messages back and forth because you don’t have the info at the moment or you want others’ opinions on how to proceed. It is absolutely okay and encouraged to ask for help!!

FASA board is just one layer (or jacket) of responsibilities of many

Check-in on your fellow boardies and learn to recognize when they need help. You may not know it straight away, but sometimes other boardies can feel overwhelmed or stressed out juggling everything on top of being a FASA board member. Quick check-ins are especially needed when some people are better at hiding it than others. Thank you Kate Sullivan for always being a constant light, empathetic being, and socially-aware level headed person that I aspire to be. You have taught me the value of check-ins while Kuya AJ has taught me that, depending on the person, there are times you have to just say, “hey, I can do this task for you, don’t worry about it.” Since I know I am a board member first and chair second and the fact that a lot of my External Chair duties were heavily altered this school year, I had the opportunity to be social chair #1.5, meedja chair for a hot two seconds, and attend various meetings through other boardie positions that required zero expectation of me to be there LOL, and I would do it all again, especially, if it guaranteed that my fellow boardies felt supported and recognized for all that they did.

I am a little plant; watch me grow

Overall, as I became ingrained in FASA my freshmen year, attending almost every single event, participating in FASA dance, talking in a tiny dorm room until the sunrise with the former freshie fries (now sopht-serves), road-tripping to external events, and eventually working under board as a FASA intern and then External Chair, I was able to meet and spend time with a variety of people with a diverse set of backgrounds. Thus, when I became more of a virtual member towards the beginning of my sophomore year, I felt worried about feeling Fear of Missing Out (F.O.M.O.). However, this wasn't the case for most of my time on FASA board because I genuinely felt I grew somewhat closer to at least a few members.

My Co is a sweetiepie

Lauren Escote, oh how I am glad, lucky, and grateful to have had you as my co-chair. Your attention to detail, Google Calendar-based time management skills, and your cute doggos and amount of lovable squishmellows you own never cease to amaze me. The way you hold yourself in meetings and not stumble through your words like I sometimes do when taking point makes me proud to have you on my side. Thank you for deciding to take on the role of External Chair, in your third year of FASA board/intern, with me. I appreciate you and hope that the future FASA board can make you proud of your senior year.

Just a H.A.M. making my way downtown, waddling fast, faces past and I’m homebound

Since joining FASA and spending quality time with numerous beautiful, wonderfully kind, and brilliant people, I have been told- just by a few individuals- that I have 6 ft energy. I have learned that they meant I hold a certain presence in a room, which was honestly kind of surprising and flattering to me because I was always known simply as the nice, quiet, smart person before college. I feel like this would have never been possible without the safe, inclusive, and culturally cultivating environment FASA created for me. A rarity- I felt confident in myself and my abilities. I felt like I could grow into my full and authentic self by being with others that were basically 100% comfortable with belting out karaoke and being emotionally vulnerable in front of others. Janielle Calaunan, for example, is one of the people who encourage me to be my true self with her stylish fits and unapologetic love para sa kultura which are gorgeously translated during meetings as she isn’t afraid to speak her mind, even as a mere FASA intern. Another person who has demonstrated how much more fun it is when you open up is none other than Joshua Peralta, my Posse bud. He makes me so proud and honored to have been the one to introduce him to FASA, and I am ecstatic to see him grow within the org as Performance Chair. Josh, you have the ability to make everyone readily smile with your presence and friendly greetings; thank you for that and all the backflips.

TO THOSE THAT FELT LIKE THEY BARELY CONNECTED WITH FASA THIS SCHOOL YEAR: I see you, I hear you, and you are not forgotten. This year was especially tough for those that stuck with a completely virtual setting or for those that were a little more reserved with having in-person gatherings. I want you to know that each time I saw your face on Zoom or saw you liked a message or post, it brightened my day to know that you’re still around. You are always welcome in FASA no matter how much you don’t feel “Filipino enough,” and I hope that some messages in the Fun and Safe GroupMe at least brightened your day.

To AdBESTising committee: y’all already know - much love <3

To board + interns: You inspire me each and every day. Thank you for making Kaibigan Korners enjoyable and for joining mine. I loved seeing your faces. Truly a highlight of my day.

To those that were not mentioned directly: I am giving you a shout-out right now because you deserve one :)

Lastly, being a part of H.A.M., my lineage, the sopht-serves, and finally FASA board, I have learned so much and it is all thanks to the people I’ve met and the stories they’ve shared with me. I am happy to have been a part of fostering this community for others, and I can’t wait to see where FASA goes next year.

Good vibes always,

Christine Agpasa

[flapperfromthefuture]

I have been baking. Like, obsessively. After watching a beautiful tombstone-grey sunset at 3:30 in the afternoon, I had the urge to bake because “You can’t stick your head in the oven if there’s other stuff in there.”

I’ve even gotten fancy. I made a povitica, the Aaron Burr of breads, with raspberry and then apricot jam (very sticky, but tasty). Then I wanted to try a savory challah, so I experimented with adding different amounts of cardamom and THEN za’atar.

I tried making challah with harissa because I love harissa, so it seemed like a good idea at the time. It was super messy getting the harissa into the dough and then braiding it before the whole loaf could fall apart, but the end result was delicious and made my kitchen smell like a spice market in the midst of somewhere warm that is not Michigan.

I made two Bienenstich, or bee sting cakes, which I hadn’t attempted since my brioche class. I managed not to overdo the topping this time! No almond-induced structural collapses here.

Then I made this gigantic cinnamon roll, which the recipe claimed was an Estonian Kringla, and since the best cinnamon roll I’ve ever had was in Estonia, I tried it out. And it was pretty good, but didn’t quite get me to pre-winter euphoria levels, aka enough energy to stay awake past mid-afternoon because it’s so dark outside.

My sister really wanted to make Halloween desserts together, which translated into me buying all the supplies and then baking everything myself while she lay on the floor.

She had just run a half-marathon . . . five days earlier.

I don’t really like making Rice Krispie treats as they are a tactile nightmare. Everything you touch sticks to you forever and then continues to stick to you even after you die. I also gravely miscalculated how many marshmallows to buy (because weight and volume are different, apparently? They never covered that at school) and my mom will not let me live it down—anyone who stops by the house is asked, “Do you want something to drink? Or maybe some marshmallows? Elizabeth bought a thousand.”

Stella likes to say, “God knew you’d be too powerful if you were good at math.”

I don’t enjoy cooking as much as baking, but I made my yearly stab at sides for Thanksgiving. These harissa sweet potatoes looked beautiful but were a little too spicy for my weak-ass family.

(I also may have put in too much harissa. But it’s expensive and I wanted to use it all!).

A and I are officially in the throes of cabin fever, and when our beloved Midnight Madness rolled around, she decided that we needed to mix things up and elected to check out a jazz club downtown that we had never visited or heard anything about. Our friend Julia was with us and her mom was in town from the East Coast, so A thought we’d show them a sophisticated time . . . after visiting the petting zoo, of course, and making a quick stop in the Himalayan Bazaar to see if the Yeti was around—he was not, because he never is, BUT I WILL SEE HIM NEXT YEAR SO HELP ME. 

Stella did not join us for Midnight Madness, electing instead to stay in and watch The Crown, which in hindsight, was too much of a gamble to take without supervision.

We swept into the jazz club with our heavy coats and dorky beanies and I immediately felt too uncool to chill with the jazz cats. Everyone had sleek scarves and trendy eyewear and even the gorgeous modern light fixtures seemed to judge us as we sat at our table.

There was a lady wearing sunglasses inside. At night. In winter.

It was below freezing out. I thought, “Is this an awards show?”

I had only eaten roasted almonds and hot chocolate for dinner so I needed something revitalizing . . . or barring that, mozzarella sticks.

This jazz club did not have mozzarella sticks. They had charcuterie plates, pate, foie gras PB&J (why?), and charred baby octopus (WHY?), and everything was super expensive, but there was a jazz quintet onstage that seemed really legit, so I was excited to get some culture, even at the expense of mozzarella sticks.

A stared down at the menu like she could intimidate it into submission. She will eat anything, but draws the line at baby animals that have been set on fire.

“I don’t know what to get,” she said. “This never happens to me.”

“What are you guys ordering?” I asked Julia and her mom.

And then, out of nowhere, SLAM, a hand smacked our table loud enough to make me jump. An older man glared at me and said, “I’m not paying to hear you talk.”

He looked a lot like Santa, which made it even more distressing. I don’t want to get in trouble with Santa!

A is from Chicago and doesn’t take anyone’s shit (which is good for me because to quote John Mulaney, “You could pour soup into my lap and I’d apologize to you“), so she looked Santa right in the eye and said, very calmly, “You don’t need to take that tone. We’ve never been here before and we’re trying to figure out what to order.”

Santa scowled and said, “Just be quiet.” Like we were children, which we are not. We patronize jazz clubs!

A was taken aback. She was the most well-behaved child who ever childed and practically showed up to preschool with a briefcase. No one has ever told her, “Just be quiet.” And I was so hyperfocused on craft kits and Legos that no one ever told me that either. In fact, adults scolded me to be less quiet because “You’re like a little ninja.”

“That wasn’t very Midwestern,” said Julia. “Don’t get the wrong idea, Mom. People in Ann Arbor are usually very chill.”

“He’s probably a boomer,” said Julia’s mom, who is a boomer herself, and incredibly cool.

We ordered our drinks and tried to enjoy the jazz.

Here’s the thing about jazz. People think they enjoy it, because music, right? Who doesn’t like music? Everyone loved La La Land, and there was jazz in that, right?

But what you don’t know about jazz, until you’re trapped in a jazz club with incinerated child octopi and furious boomers, is that the average jazz song is about fifteen minutes long. There’s the normal part, that sounds like a song and tells a story you can follow and enjoy, and then the improv starts. Every musician starts playing scales or hitting the drums in a way that should be exciting but really isn’t, and should build to something musically but really doesn’t, and then when they’re done the audience claps and the next person does the same thing, but it’s like listening to several minutes of set-up lines with no punchline. Over and over, until they just stop and then the next song starts.

“Are they going to do this for every song?” I thought about saying, but then did not, because I didn’t want to anger the man.

Instead, I checked my phone for a quick primer on jazz appreciation.

Just kidding.

I still hadn’t eaten anything and A had declared that we wouldn’t be ordering any food so we could leave sooner . . . but not soon enough.

Other people were chatting and eating and enjoying the music, but I wasn’t doing any of those things.

Julia and her mom weren’t super into it either, to the point that Julia claimed that if she rushed the stage and pretended to be the next act by riffing on a triangle, no one would question it. Her mom was supportive of this, so it was time to go.

We said good-bye outside, relieved at finally being allowed to speak freely.

“That drum solo went on FOREVER,” said Julia.

“I thought the cymbal crash meant it was over but it just kept going!” said A.

“I really liked La La Land an hour ago and now I hate it,” I said.

So, when it comes to beating the winter blues (or full-blown seasonal affective disorder), there are a lot of options—baking with such frenzy that you start buying the 18 egg containers and the person at the register says, “Big weekend plans?” every. single. time, or expanding your horizons with such gusto that you get dropkicked by a jazz enthusiast.   

Or keep it simple and just get some mozzarella sticks.

          Baking vs. Jazz: Holiday Showdown I have been baking. Like, obsessively. After watching a beautiful tombstone-grey sunset at 3:30 in the afternoon, I had the urge to bake because "You can't stick your head in the oven if there's other stuff in there."

[dailrpwmf-blog]

Why is Wales so anti-Christian? An insurance company is pulling this Pastor’s policy just because she put Jesus stickers on her car?

Why is Wales so anti-Christian? An insurance company is pulling this Pastor s policy just because she put Jesus stickers on her car?

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-south-w...

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :INSURANCECOMPAREQUOTES.US

SOURCES:

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[stephenaltrogge-blog]

If you’re like me, you’ve long dreamed of becoming a 90’s Christian rock star. After all, those were the golden days of CCM. I’ve gone on the record many times about how much I love 90’s CCM.

dcTalk wasn’t raising fans’ hopes of a reunion tour, only to mercilessly crush them by announcing a cruise. Jennifer Knapp was still on the official “Okay To Listen To Because She’s Not Gay Yet” list, and the Newsboys still had at least one original member. We also had a fair number of bands who did passable imitations of better, secular bands (see: MxPx).

Ahhh, yes. Those were the days. So how do we create a renaissance of such music? How do we make Christian music great again? We need a bunch of 90’s Christian rock stars…today.

How can you be one of those stars? Here’s your step-by-step guide.

Step #1: Adopt A Unique Look

First things first: you need to look the part. If you’re going to dominate the 90’s, you need to have a style that is part godly, part sexy (in a godly way), and 100% unique.

Steven Curtis Chapman honed a look CCM historians now refer to as “Elegant Mullet”.

Michael W. Smith perfected the “Geometric Power Vest” vibe.

If you’re going to take over the airwaves, you need a look that says, “Hey baby, I’ll lead your Bible study, and then I’ll blow you away with my sweet tunes.”

Step #2: Write Songs That Are Generic Enough To Be Claimed By All Christians At All Times 

If you want to be a true 90’s legend, all your music must be Christian enough for the church and just generic enough to not offend anyone in any church, no matter the denomination.

This is why you never saw any songs titled, “James Dobson Is A Bad Mamma Jamma”.

“Big House” by Audio Adrenaline is a prime example of this musical mastery. Is it about heaven? Is it about being part of God’s family? Is it about the church (God’s house)? We’re not sure, but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that God has a big yard where we can play football.

“Breakfast” by the Newsboys is another perfect example. Yes…the song is about hell, the place of eternal torment for those who have rejected Christ. But it’s also a poignant reminder that they don’t serve breakfast there, and that’s really the most important thing to remember.

Step #3: Write A Few Songs That Are Straight Up Embarrassing

If you’re truly going to arrive, survive, and thrive (see what I did there?) as a legit 90’s CCM god, you need to pen a few songs that will embarrass you for years to come. These are the songs that haunt your dreams.

Look no further than Carman for proof of this. Despite being a white, middle-aged man who would have done well as a Vegas lounge singer, Carman went all in on the rap trend started by dcTalk, Grits, and similar bands.

His song “Who’s In The House” is a cringe masterpiece, featuring some of the stiffest, Midwestern-est rapping you’ll ever hear. If you plopped a corn famer into a studio and told him to rap, it couldn’t be any worse than this.

Step #4: Write A Song That Will Make Everyone Hate You

Once you’ve firmly established yourself in the hearts and minds of listeners, you need to pen a song that will make Christians question everything about you, including:

Your salvation and the salvation of everyone you’ve ever known (including your saintly mother)

Your commitment to being a “Jesus Freak”

Whether you’re just in it for the money

Whether it’s acceptable to publicly burn your albums and ask for your public execution

Amy Grant masterfully navigated this step with her song “Baby, Baby”. The music video showed her interacting with a man in ways that Elisabeth Elliot and Joshua Harris would NEVER have approved of. FOR SHAME!

Step #5: Use The Phrase, “We’re not a Christian band, we’re Christians in a band.”

If you play your cards right, someone will inevitably ask you if you’re a Christian band. When that happens, it’s crucial that you pause thoughtfully, as if considering the deep theological implications of the question, and then say, “You know, we’re not really a Christian band, we’re Christians in a band.”

This distinction is just confusing enough to sound profound. It’s like saying you smoke marijuana but don’t inhale.

It also makes it acceptable for Christian kids to boast that they listen to “secular” music to their friends in youth group, which was a powerful way to look more cool than you really were.

Step #6: Sign With Tooth & Nail Records

If you did step 5 correctly, it could lead to signing with Tooth & Nail records, which was the label for bands that liked to push the envelope in every sense of the word.

If you like to throw back a few cold ones on the tour bus and occasionally smoke the wacky tobaccy, this is the label for you. If you’re all about not selling out and preserving the integrity of your sound (whatever that means), this is your home. If you always thought church was kinda lame but you’re down with Jesus, come on over to Tooth & Nail.

Your Stardom Awaits

There hasn’t been a lot to be excited about in CCM in recent years. I mean, the Newsboys are still getting a ton of airplay. We need some fresh blood. Some new stars. Some new, 90’s rockstars. 

Will you rise to the challenge? Your path to glory awaits.

The post 6 Steps To Becoming A 90’s Christian Rock Star appeared first on The Blazing Center.