#let me see who you are in how you communicate

[vague-humanoid]

n childhood, I was taught the importance of seeing Black faces in government positions and political power. At school, I learned how integral specific Black political leaders were to the Black Revolution—especially during the Reconstruction era and the Civil Rights Movement. I understood from a young age that the presence of Black faces in political institutions was necessary for community advancement. 

I still remember learning about Hiram Revels, who in 1870 became the first Black elected official to serve in Congress. This was shortly after slavery was abolished, and Revels’ presence in U.S. politics was a watershed moment for Black American communities. 

Our presence in these institutions that sought to exclude us did indeed make a difference. Now, even after witnessing the election of a Black president in 2008 and seeing more and more Black people in spaces of political power and privilege, I’m not so sure.

When Barack Obama became president in 2008, I remember the joy felt across my community and this understanding that if a Black person could reach the highest level of power in the U.S., change had certainly come.   

That was the beginning of a harsh reality check for me. What good is Black political representation in a system meant to maintain the subjugation of marginalized people? What positive change does that representation bring when people with Black faces are complicit in the same oppression and violence that continue to devastate communities like ours?

Communities like Gaza, whose devastation we continue to see every day.

The death toll in Gaza is more than 37,000, and the U.S. has repeatedly vetoed a life-saving ceasefire for the Palestinian people and voted against the effort to recognize Palestinian statehood. 

The U.S. has left Palestine and its people in the path of fire and destruction. The world has watched the U.S. ambassadors for the United Nations silently raise their hands to veto ceasefire resolutions. Their silence speaks volumes.

U.N. ambassadors Linda Thomas-Greenfield and Robert A. Wood are Black Americans in high-ranking government positions, two Black Americans who ostensibly represent our ability to overcome a history of slavery, genocide, and racism, the relics of which continue to plague our communities today. They are two Black Americans choosing to subject another group of oppressed people to genocide and displacement, not so different from what our ancestors faced when they were stolen from their lands, slaughtered, and enslaved. 

Before you assume otherwise, let me say that I do understand nuance. Yes, Ambassadors Thomas-Greenfield and Wood do carry out Washington’s decisions, and they do not act on their own behalf; they are the voice of the U.S. government. But for me, the question remains: Why are you there? As Black Americans, why are you choosing to work as conduits for colonization, imperialism, and genocide? What does this do for Black people in America right now? Because existing in places of power and privilege does not inherently equate to uplifting and serving the Black community. 

Another example is White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. The daughter of Haitian immigrants, Jean-Pierre is the first Black and openly gay woman to hold her role in the White House. She is a Black woman I once looked up to—until I began to pay close attention to the way she speaks of Israel’s war on Gaza. 

In one press conference, Jean-Pierre could not even acknowledge why Palestinian, Muslim, and Arab organizations rejected meetings with President Joe Biden. I’ve watched Jean-Pierre dismiss journalists’ questions regarding the safety and protection of Palestinians in Gaza. Of course, Jean-Pierre is the White House’s mouthpiece, and we do not know her thoughts on the genocide in Palestine. But again, I ask: Why is she there? What is she willing to co-sign to have proximity to power? What personal excuses are used to justify being complicit in oppression not so different from what our own people face?

How many times will we exempt Black political figures from accountability while holding up their representation as some sort of community good? Do we not realize the harm this does when we uplift Black leaders who merely act as conduits for white supremacy? As a Black woman, I find this hard to accept. 

more at link

[mntozakii]

thinking about sugar mommy sana and her college kid princess 🤒

you met her during your part time job as a cat sitter. when she was away during her business trips, you were paid to care for her two beautiful orange bastards.

of course, you have to give a daily update to your client with pictures of the cats. when you accidentally sent a selfie of you with her cats, she responded with "pretty things".

yay her cats are so big and adorable and so stinky that you want bite their paws

usually, her assistant will pick up the cats but she decides to drive to your house and do it by herself. as a courtesy, she invites you for a brunch at the new restaurant downtown.

the brunch turns into a few more dates until she proposed an exclusive arrangement with you.

sana who funds your tuition and spoils you rotten, she always praise you even for doing the bare minimum.

sometimes, all you have to do is sit next to her, look pretty, then receive thousands in your bank later.

sana just love having you around, it makes her feel better seeing you study on the couch while she reviews the same floral theme for the new s/s collection

"i did my laundry today 😗"

"my amazing girl ⭐️ let's try the new steakhouse tonight!!"

"i got a full mark for my presentation"

"my baby is so smart"

sana is a socialite and often brings you to gala dinner. since you major in communication, she helps so much in expanding your network especially in fashion industry.

sana finds it so entertaining when men try to impress you by offering a summer internship in their companies. she knows exactly how these men take advantages of young girls in the industry.

it is too bad though, sana has decided that you will be working with her after graduating (nepo baby behaviour).

when you quietly ask her to come along to the restroom, she didn't expect you to pull her into the cubicles and start to desperately kiss her.

you are becoming tired with the constant interaction with people and the alcohol doesn’t help, it only made you feel horny. the older woman looks so pretty and it kills you to not be under her touch.

"sweetheart, you need to behave well" sana mutters as she lightly slaps your cheek. she plants soft kisses all over your jaw before pulling away, it is adorable to see how disappointed you get whenever you get denied.

“mommy, no, you have to be nice to me”your lips naturally pout when you look up at her, her face is dangerously close to you and all you want to do now is to go home with her.

“or i will go to those men and ask them to play with me” sana chuckles seeing your attempt to threat her, such an attention seeker. she pulls you into a sweet kiss and can't help but to smile when you started to moan out feverishly, she loves how you look like you're about to cry from being deprived of touch.

“play nice and you’ll get a present, baby”

[ariaste]

so i'm reading Interview With the Vampire for the first time in twenty years and this shit is SO FUCKING FUNNY like. god.

like there you are, being louis, having your beautiful elegant grief over the death of your brother and this random vampire partially eats you on your doorstep one night and then rocks up the next night pretending to be a Really Cool Elegant Suave Guy like "bonjouuuuur do u want to be a vampire [drapes self elegantly all over the room] i could do that for you" and then you're like "wow okay [privately noticing all the hot things about him]" and then he makes you a vampire and you're like "wow he is holding me like a lover and i have some unspecified Feelings about it, he is radiant, he is so beautiful, golly" and then to everyone's disappointment but particularly yours, this allegedly cool suave elegant vampire proceeds to immediately drop the act and reveal that he is the least cool person who has genuinely ever existed, in fact he is absolutely intolerable and a Whole Ass Moron, and all you can do is stare in incredulity and mounting contempt as he blithely installs his REAL DAD in your house without asking or even communicating in advance that he HAD a dad (you are bewildered to discover that vampires have dads or at least this weirdo does for some reason???), and starts spending your money like he's the sugar baby in this situation (and to your horror you realize that he IS ACTUALLY THE SUGAR BABY IN THIS SITUATION, HOW DID HE CON YOU INTO THIS) and you're immediately like "fuck fuck fuck fuck i've made a huge mistake" and start keeping an eye out for any local vampire divorce lawyers and making a mental note of every single wrong he commits so that a couple centuries later you can bitch about them to a random reporter you just met like

oh the bitching, oh the sass. "had he any native intelligence" i'm crying. "characteristic lack of common sense" not even the common sense god gave a gnat, yeah wow ur right. "i was tempted to say 'yes you are', but I didn't" YOU SHOULD HAVE, BABE, YOU WERE JUSTIFIED god the moral high ground here is two inches high

And then there's this whole tangent about "yeah and then after a while Lestat got this fang-crush on this random neighbor boy -- you know, like when you see a random neighbor boy and you reeaaaaaally want to eat him?? anyway i told him not to eat the neighbor boy, including physically wrestling him in the rain to keep him from pouncing on the neighbor boy while the neighbor boy was having a little rapier duel with someone, but lestat was wily and slippery and uh well that was it for the neighbor boy" like god lestat is so fucking stupid (affectionate), he's LITERALLY going around louis' house like ":) wow you have nice plates. and glasses! I miss glasses. wait i know I'LL PUT A RAT IN THE GLASS [hunts around in the grass for a rat while Louis watches in bewilderment from the window] [gets a rat] [pours the rat into the glass] [elegant sip] [complains that it gets cold too fast] [inexplicably smashes the glass when he's done with it?????? for vibes i guess?????]" the exasperation. the outrage. this is not what Louis signed up for. he thought HE was going to be the sugar baby. he thought he was getting swept off his feet and Romanced and shit. where is the hot vampire who was like "oooh louis let's be together forever" and why has he been replaced with this blond moron in his house, breaking his THINGS, having a dad who he yells at???? and being very polite to guests actually

like. pals Lestat was the original cringefail emo poser boyfriend and none of us deserve to stand in his presence. Louis is so embarrassed to have ever associated with him. this book is a comedy.

tbh tho raise a glass for lestat tho who wiggled his lil self into New Orleans like "step one, find sugar daddy to keep track of my money :))))) and marry him" like yeah he's embarrassing to know but to his credit the man DOES know how to invent and execute a plan with impressive efficiency while vastly outmaneuvering anyone with allegedly more common sense, so who's the real moron in this situation, hm???

[ask-the-pioneer]

"I sure do! Watch this..."

"I can make explosive spears and throwables, just like my mom did. I can also propel myself in the air by whipping my tail very fast, which sets off the same flammable compound in my tail surface for an explosive boost. Very handy for movement, but also very loud… not great if you're trying to be stealthy. And yeah, my sibling could do that too, but he was always more interested in doing other things. An energetic but very scatterbrained kid that he was."

[She takes aim and throws the spear somewhere far away. It ignites and explodes with a loud dull bang that shakes the ground slightly]

"I can't do that too often, though. Maybe a handful of times in quick succession before my muscles tense up and burn as if scorched by flames. One time it got so bad that I lost consciousness and couldn't move for a couple of minutes after waking up. That was scary, and hurt like hell... since then I've been more careful. That said, I wonder if there are more slugcats with similar abilities to mine out there? I have not met that many scugs in my life to begin with, if I'm honest..."

"Of course I remember my family, how could I not! My sibling's name is… hmmm, right, let me explain this first. Slugcats have very good sense of smell. Usually, we know one another by our unique scents. They are incredibly complex, but can be written down as series of letters, if you map those symbols to the corresponding scent proteins and other chemical compounds. For example, my scent name would be:"

"Addmitely, this notation method is very over-engineered – a slugcat just knows you are you if they smell you. From what I learned, scugs don't really use a coherent writing system.. of any kind. I think the colonies may use pictograms? I uh, I've never been a part of a colony, so I'm missing a lot of info here. Still, what I wrote on the wall – I have used an Ancient script, which I roughly mapped to key compounds that make a scent. As you can see, it's incredibly long, it can also change over time, parts of it can be masked with non-organic aromas to hide your identity, so on and so forth. To simplify even further, these long strings of letters can be shortened to just the last three or two characters, and this is what scugs may choose to use to refer to one another. Here, my scent name is MGV."

"Then, there are names that resemble the form that the Ancients would use. It's considered more refined, and more common in big colonies where people adopt their preferable roles. Those names are viewed as a kind of «gift», because you receive it from your community. It's a symbol of how they see you, what you mean to them. Of course, my closest family was never a part of a colony… but my mom would still give me and my sibling those special names. I was named «Blue», which is the color of the sky above when it's not raining, and the color of clear water. My brother's name is «Bryn» after a very fragrant medicinal plant that relaxes your muscles when consumed. I always found it funny, as my brother was often the one getting in trouble and giving our mom heartaches."

[She pauses for a moment, thinking intensively]

"Hmm, I never thought of asking my mother about her name. I wonder if she had one? To me and it was always just «mom»…"

"My other parent? I never knew him. Must have left just before or right after my mom had me, because there is literally nothing I remember of him… or them… whoever they were."

[She takes some pearls out from her bag, and inspects them one by one just to keep her hands busy]

"Mom would never talk about him, as if he never existed. And I never questioned her, I was too young to understand and simply accepted everything at face value. It was just the way things were. Would I want to meet my other parent? Maybe, but I doubt it'd make a difference. What would I even say to them? «Thanks for abandoning mom and leaving her to fend for herself»? "

"I don't know. Maybe I'm too harsh. Maybe he was a hero who sacrificed themself to save my mother. That could explain why he was never seen or heard of again. But… I have no way of knowing for sure. It's the life I won't be getting back anyway."

// In the second drawing, I've used logographs from @ikayblythe's Standard Hegemonic Dialect

[enthusiasticharry]

the one where YN is no longer the governess to Harry's children, but she is his wife (part 2)

READ PART 1 HERE

author's note: part two of governess!yn (who is still my lil angel baby I cannot lie!) this took slightly longer than anticipated to get to you but i hope you will be happy with the final result! pls let me know what you think, and if there's anything else you'd like to see of these two (i'm certainly not ready to let them go just yet!)

word count: 14.1k of confusion, a lack of communication, friends to lovers, a meddling modiste who we all love, smut, pregnancy.

WARNINGS: discussion of death during childbirth, struggles with infertility (you have been warned)

let me know what you think of edelweiss here! mwah <3

YEAR FIVE

YN’s life had changed in ways that she never could have expected when she became a wife.

YN had never had an example of what a good marriage looked like growing up, and whilst she had worked for couples in the past – nothing could prepare her for the reality. The fact that her life had changed drastically from zero to one hundred within a few days was something that nobody could have prepared her for. It had been a true shift in the motion of her life, and even though it pained her to say – she did not know whether or not this was a welcome addition to her life.

Their wedding day had been a year ago. It took place in early June, which seemed very apt to their relationship. The first time that YN had joined Harry and the children for meals had been in June, and the summer held a very special place in their friendship – relationship? In all honesty, she did not know whether or not their marriage at this point was one of convenience or one that truly meant that something was between them.

As YN did not have a mother to talk her through life as a married woman, she was thankful for the information that she had managed to retain on her own in her life. Miss Francis had sat her down the day before her wedding and attempted to explain what a wedding night included, but YN had put a stop to that conversation immediately and tried to continue to assure the older woman that she knew what was to happen.

Even though YN knew what was to occur on the wedding night, it did not necessarily mean that the act would occur on the said night.

Harry had never attempted to initiate anything of an intimate context between the two of them. The last and only time that they had ever kissed had been on their wedding day, a necessity to ensure that their marriage was fulfilled. Even once they had returned home, she had received no advancements from Harry at all – and had concluded pretty quickly that maybe he did not wish to share this with her. YN knew that this was not completely shocking, seeing as though she was Harry’s second wife, and he had already experienced this before.

There was also a part of her that knew that men had needs. She had come to this conclusion pretty quickly after the husband at the other house she worked at left every night without fail to meet with his mistress (or mistresses, as YN had no idea about the fine details) and yet she could state with full confidence that Harry had never done so. She knew this with such confidence because they spent every evening together (with a considerable amount of space between the two of them obviously) before they retired to bed.

YN would be lying if she said that she had hoped that her marriage to Harry would offer some clarification on what it was she was feeling. She had spent so long denying her wish for marriage, and she thought that once that wish had been fulfilled everything would be put into some sort of perspective for her. Instead, it had confused and worried her more than it had before. The overwhelming, thought-provoking idea that ran through her head most days was that Harry had married YN just to appease her, to be a good friend and that was it. It made her think that Harry (no matter how many times he verbally denied it to her) did not wish for this.

It was not as though Harry required an heir to his estate – he already had one. That normally looming requirement of marriage was gone for him. YN was three and thirty now, and that could offer little in security as to whether she could have children, and with that gone she could not understand why Harry wanted to marry her. If anything, the only reason a man in Harry’s standing would marry was to ease a loneliness he had.

At first, Noah and Honorah had been confused as to why YN was no longer their governess, and instead their mother. YN had assured both of the children immediately that she could never take away their mother from them, and if they wished to continue to call her Miss YN, they could do so without any worries at all. Noah, who stood at ten when they married had huffed and refused to speak to his father or YN for the first few weeks (something that was inherently a trait of Harry’s, but YN would never outwardly tell him that). Norah, however, had only been seven at the time and saw the whole spectacle as something so exciting and had welcomed the change with open arms. YN assumed that since she had never met her mother, YN had been the closest thing to one for her – and she assumed that would be something difficult for both Harry and Noah to accept.

Even though these questions of intimacy usually loomed in the back of YN’s mind most days, along with questions of how the children were faring with the change. But, thankfully, her ole had changed within the household, and she now had duties as Mrs Styles that often took her attention throughout most of the day. The most prevalent job that took up most of her time now involved the children, and more specifically – finding a new governess for them.

To the blind eye, the task on the surface seemed so simple – but in reality, it was not. In the past year, the children (predominantly Noah) had managed to run four governesses out of the door – with the longest of them lasting two and a half weeks.

That was how YN had found herself now – sitting in the drawing room with the fifth governess she had hired who had lasted all of three days.

“… I am sorry, Mrs Styles, but they are terrors. The little boy placed a frog not only on my chair but in every drawer of my desk! And the little girl, well, she listens to everything the boy says and responds to all of my questions by ribbiting like a frog! They are completely unteachable!” Miss Morris exclaims, and YN has to physically refrain herself from rolling her eyes.

“And yet I managed to do it for four years,” YN mumbled quietly whilst running her finger across her eyebrow.

Miss Morris leant forward slightly in her seat, turning her ear towards YN, “Sorry, what was that Mrs Styles?”

“Nothing,” YN shook her head, offering a small smile to Miss Morris, “I do just have to remind you, Miss Morris, that they are children. They are not going to be easy to work with. Mr Styles has raised gorgeous, inquisitive and at times mischievous children – but they are no worse than any you may find with another family.”

Miss Morris shook her head, rather violently at that, “You are only saying such as they are your children – you see them through rose-tinted glasses. They are nothing but terrors, unteachable terrors!”

YN sighed before standing up, nodding at Miss Morris to do the same, “Very well then, Miss Morris. If you had not already claimed that you could not teach the children, you would lose your employment just by calling them terrors. You may have the night to arrange your leave, but you shall not interact with the children.”

Miss Morris opened her mouth as though she was to speak but YN shook her head.

“I would not say anything else if I were you,” YN spoke with a nod.

Miss Morris took one last look at YN, nodded, and turned to leave the room. It was not until YN knew that she was in the all-clear that she sighed and dropped back down on the settee again, exhaling a breath that she did not know she had been holding.

The list of once four failed governesses had now turned to five. Somewhere deep down YN knew this would be the case. It was not that she was necessarily full of herself, but more so that she knew she was the best of the best in terms of governesses. No matter who she presented in front of the children, and whether or not they were good governesses or not – they would never be able to help the children in the way that she did. That was the dilemma that YN found herself in day after day.

The sound of footsteps walking towards the room, and subsequently entering knocked YN right out of her daydream, or potentially it was a crisis – she would never know.

“I think Miss Morris just grunted at me,” Harry spoke, pointing back at the door with a confused look on his face.

YN sighed once more, running a hand across her face, “She can grunt all she wants, Harry! She is out of this house by morning.”

“Oh,” Harry sighed, dropping down on the settee across from her, “She quit?”

YN shrugged her shoulders slightly, “And I fired her. She dared to call the children terrors. Terrors, Harry! I was a moment away from doing something so regrettable I probably would have been sent away!”

Harry laughed with a slight shake of his head, “I told you there was no use in trying to find a new governess.”

“The children still need to be taught, Harry,” YN pointed out, as though she was stating the obvious.

“And you can do it,” Harry shrugged, as though he was the one stating the most obvious thing in the world, “I know that is not necessarily the way that things are done, but when have we ever done things that way?”

A smile taunted on YN’s face, “You would not mind? Having a wife that does not follow the correct rules of society?”

Harry just laughed, “If I cared about the correct rules in society then you would not be my wife.”

YN finally smiled and nodded her head, “I will teach them – God knows that nobody will ever be as good as me.”

“That is certainly more like it,” Harry nodded his head and stood up, “I did have something to tell you before Miss Morris grunted at me. I am going out tonight, a friend of mine is back from a trip abroad. We are meeting at the tavern for a few drinks.”

“Oh,” YN’s heart pummelled to the pit of her stomach, “The tavern?”

Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, “Yes. Is that going to be a problem?”

“No,” YN assured quickly, trying her best to not make the twist in her stomach obvious to Harry, “I hope you have a lovely time.”

Harry nodded, the confused look returning to his features one last time before he offered her another smile and left the room. YN had seen the tavern but had never been inside. She had only ever seen it on her trips into the village. She also knew of its reputation, although she would not say that she wanted to. Those back rooms, and what they held were the thing that concerned her, she supposed.

More than anything, it turned her stomach so much she was unsure how she did not throw up. 

No matter how much she tried, YN could not sleep a wink.

The children had gone to bed hours ago, and surprisingly (to YN’s relief) without any stress. Her body, however, could not accept that relief due to how stressed she was currently feeling.

YN had tried counting sheep, and she had tried running through everything she had planned for tomorrow in her head, but she just could not shake the thoughts out of her head.

She could not shake the thoughts out of her head of everything that Harry was getting up to during his visit to the tavern.

Before, when YN knew that Harry was inside the four walls of this house and could therefore not be doing the things that YN was imagining in her head – there was no cause for her to worry. It was all fine before because she knew that whilst he was not being intimate with her, he was not with anyone else.

YN could not say that now because she did not know if it was true.

It was something that the two of them never spoke about – they never mentioned it. They both danced around the subject as though it was an open flame, neither one of them attempting to get closer to it. YN was truly regretting that now. At least if they had the conversation, if she had forced them to discuss this then she would have some peace of mind at least. Then again, she cannot imagine knowing he was doing such things would offer her any piece of mind.

After failing to succumb to sleep, YN had ended up wrapping herself in a blanket in Harry’s study, one of his books pressed firmly in her hand. She would say that she was reading it, but she had read the last sentence around twenty times and still not managed to finish it.

Then the door opened.

Harry’s head was lulled forward, his posture slightly hunched and his movements sporadic. He was drunk. Without even thinking about it, her eyes danced around his body attempting to see if there were any creases in his clothes that had not been there before he left. 

There was not, and for the first time that entire evening her heart slowed down to a normal pace.

“I saw the light,” He offered her a boyish grin, “I wondered who was sneaking around at this time – I should have known it was you.”

YN sighed in relief, dropping the book closed in her lap, “You are drunk.”

Harry nodded, not even trying to attempt to hide it. His body stumbled towards the other end of the settee from where she was. YN lifted her hand to her head when she watched him nearly fall off, but he caught himself thankfully before there was any need for her to intervene.

“Have I ever told you that you just might be the smartest person I have ever known?” He raised his eyebrow at her, a teasing look on his face.

YN gasped, immediately picking up the book in her lap to smack him on the shoulder with, “I should have known you were such a tease whilst drunk.”

Harry began to laugh, and no matter how much YN tried to resist it she could not help but join in. YN thought that she had seen all the sides to Harry, and yet there were ones that she was learning about every day.

“How was reuniting with your friend?” YN asked, watching as his head lulled back against the settee, dropping to the side slightly so that he was looking at her, “I suppose that is possibly a silly question given the state you are currently in.”

Harry nodded his head, “It was very enjoyable, although I suppose his constant discussion of beaches across the world did need to be taken hand in hand with a drink the further into the night we were.”

YN laughed, “I cannot ever imagine you not being interested in a conversation, Harry.”

He shook his head, leaning towards her slightly, “I was interested! The first time! It was just my luck that every time William had a drink it was as though his memory was wiped and he did not know he had already told me all of it before!”

YN did end up in a fit of laughter at his words. There was an ounce or so of further relief that she felt in that laugh, knowing that the stress she had found herself in was for no reason. It was nice to know that he had not withheld the truth from her – even though she was damning herself for even thinking that he would lie to her.

“It sounds as though you had quite the eventful night, then,” YN leant forward to place the book on the table in front of them before standing up, “Are you able to get yourself to your bedchamber, or are you staying here for the night?”

Harry grunted slightly, his head rolling to the side slightly to look out of the window behind him.

“What was that?” YN pressed, inching a step closer towards him, “You will have to use your words, Harry, I do not speak in grunt.”

“I do not wish to go to bed,” Harry mumbled with a shake of his head, “I do not wish to go to bed because the bed will be cold, and empty and you will be down the hall.”

YN’s lips parted slightly in shock. She knew that Harry was drunk, and therefore his inhibitions were lowered but there must have still been an aspect to it that was the truth. There was a slight part of her that was slightly annoyed by his words. She was annoyed that it had taken him a year into their marriage, on a night when he was drunk to say anything of this sort to her.

YN shook her head, “Harry, you must go to bed and sleep this off.”

“No, we do not have to go to bed,” He reached out to grab her hands, pulling her closer to him, “We can stay here, and we can talk, and you can sit next to me.”

“We cannot,” YN shook her head, unable to stop the pull he had on her, “We must sleep, otherwise we will not get anything done tomorrow.”

“That is fine, YN, we can have a day.” Harry nodded his head, “We could… we could just… we could be together tonight and tomorrow, and it would not matter.”

YN sighs, and she attempts to take a step backwards, but Harry instead wraps his arm around her waist. He rests his head against her stomach, and she can feel the heat of his skin through the thin material of her nightgown. The feeling itself was like pinpricks across the expanse of her skin.

YN did not know what to do – she did not know what to think. Instead of trying to pull away from him (which was impossible due to how tightly he had wrapped himself around her), and against her better judgment – she gave in to him. This was the closest that they had physically been to each other since their wedding day, and she knew it was wrong but there was a part of her that did not want this to end just yet.

Instead of pulling away, her fingers found their way through his hair until they were resting in the curls at the nape of his neck.

He sighed against her stomach, causing heat to rush over her skin that she had never experienced in her life. If this is what she was missing out on, she was cursing herself for not forcing them to have a conversation. She supposed that Harry’s behaviour tonight had made it so they had no choice in the matter.

“Harry,” YN whispered, bringing her hands from the nape of his neck towards his cheeks so that she could pull his face away from her and look at him, “Let us go to bed.”

“No,” He shook his head again, “I told you; I do not want to.”

“Harry,” YN sighed, running her finger across the skin of his cheekbone, “You are not listening to me – let us go to bed.”

When YN woke up the next morning, everything felt different.

This was still her room. There were still her curtains hanging above the windows, her bed she was laid upon and still her books that rested upon every shelf in the room – but things were different.

YN often woke up when the light started to seep through the crack in her curtains, and today was no different. This time, however, she was not alone in doing so.

Her entire body felt warm. There was an excess of heat covering her from behind, an arm wrapped so tightly around her waist making it so even if she wanted to escape – there was no way in which she would be able to. Harry’s head pressed firmly into her neck, his steady breathing causing goosebumps to cover her entire body.

Last night, after Harry had finally registered the words that YN was saying – he had allowed her to direct him to her bedchamber. She had tried not to, but she had been unable to redirect her eyes when he had stripped off his jacket, shirt, and trousers before climbing into her bed. They did not talk, only looked at one another. They had settled into bed for the first time since their wedding day a year ago together, without a single conversation as to why between them. Harry had pulled YN’s body close to his, and they had fallen asleep – and that was it.  

YN knew that it was early in the morning, and Harry would probably need a few more hours or so to sleep off the remnants of last night – but there was no way that YN would manage to fall back asleep. YN tried to pull Harry’s arm off of her, but he grunted slightly, and his arm felt even tighter than it had done before.

YN sighed, unable to do anything but move slightly so that she was on her back and could face Harry. There was something so boyish about his features when he was asleep. It was as though all the stress of being an adult left him the second he was asleep, and YN felt a sort of privilege that she was able to witness him in this state.

It was this that caused YN to lift her hand and run her finger along the soft skin of his cheek – just in the way that she had done last night. Her body jumped slightly in his arms when his eyes opened. This was, in fact, the closest she had ever been to him – and the fact that she could see those green eyes of his looking so closely caused her stomach to somersault.

“It is too early,” He whispered hoarsely to her, “Go back to sleep.”

YN chuckled slightly, her fingers slipping back through his hair, “The children will be awake soon.”

“And we have a staff willing and ready to help with them,” He mumbled, dropping his head further into her neck, “Go back to sleep.”

YN lightly shook her head again, “Even if I tried, I highly doubt it would be possible. Even so, the children have missed out on so much learning these last few months – and I am excited to get them back into a classroom.”

“Another day is not going to harm them,” YN could feel Harry’s lips moving against her neck as he spoke, and then they closed, and he left the lightest of kisses on her skin.

“Harry…” YN whispered, her head pulling away from his slightly so that she could look into his eyes, “What are you doing?”

Harry sighed, his head lulling backwards so that he was laid on his back, just as she was. Whilst they needed to have this conversation, there was a part of her that wondered whether or not being laid in her bed, with Harry possibly having what YN would deem as a slightly delicate condition was the best place for this.

“I…” Harry sighed, lifting his hand to his forehead, “I do not know.”

YN’s breath caught slightly in her throat, “You do not know?”

“I do know, but I do not want to offend or upset you,” Harry sighs, turning his head so that he is looking at her again.

YN sighed, reaching out to grab Harry’s hand, “Whatever it is, you must tell me, Harry. I am your wife; you can tell me anything.”

Harry lifted their joint hands to his lips so that he could place a kiss on the back of her hand, “I understand that when we married, we did so for ease. It was the best thing for us both at that time, and I understand that you may not feel the same but…”

His words stopped, and his eyes dropped down to her lips, lingering for just a moment before they bounced back up to her eyes.

“I may not feel the same how, Harry?”

Harry hesitated for a second, “That I feel as though my affections for you have grown.”

“Harry…” YN whispered, shaking her head lightly, “You cannot… You cannot say such words to me if you do not mean it…”

“I do,” Harry nodded, “I do mean it. I have meant it for a while now, but I never dared to say so. It seemed that all I needed was some liquid courage, and I could not stop myself.”

YN chuckled, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his, “You should not have been scared to speak your mind, Harry.”

“What?” He whispered.

“You should not have been scared to speak your mind because then you would have found out that I feel the same.”

Harry’s face broke out into a smile, and it was quickly after that YN’s followed. He lifted his hand to her cheek, brushing her hair away from her face. It was then that her heart rate began to speed up – when his face started itching closer to hers. Just as she thought that Harry was going to place his lips against hers, the door to YN’s room burst open.

YN pulled her body away from Harry’s, lifting slightly to see Honorah bouncing towards them – still in her nightgown and having obviously just woken up.

“What is it, Norah?” YN smiled at the little girl, watching as she pulled herself up onto YN’s bed.

“I went to Papa’s room, but he was not there, so I came here to find you and I found Papa too!” The little girl smiled, crawling up the bed so that she could drop down between YN and Harry at the top.

“You found us,” Harry mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of his little girl’s head as she cuddled up to him, “How did you sleep?”

Honorah nodded her head, “Very well. I dreamt of horses, and I have decided I quite like them.”

YN chuckled, “That sounds lovely, Norah. We shall have to take you to the stables at some point to visit the horses.”

“Really?” Her entire face broke out into a beaming smile, and she began to tell her father all about the horse in her dream.

As much as it had pained her to admit it before, this is exactly what YN had imagined mornings being married to Harry would be like. Lazing in bed with him, before being interrupted by the children and forcing them to begin their day sounding like complete and utter bliss. YN’s could not have been fuller than it was right now, but then she slowly realised that was not the case when the final part of the puzzle walked through the door.

“Good morning, Noah,” YN smiled, holding her hand out to the boy, “Norah was just telling us about her dream, do you wish to join us?”

The boy seemed to hesitate for a second before nodding, reaching out to grab YN’s hand and make his way onto the bed.

“Only for a little while, though,” He nodded with a shrug, “I am ready to break my fast.”

YN laughed, watching as Noah joined Harry and Norah in their conversation. To YN, it was at this moment that she truly felt as though she was a wife. That she was Harry’s wife.

YEAR SIX

Just as YN thought that one part of the puzzle that was her life had been laid to rest, another part reared its head to her.

YN wished for children.

Just as it was with the idea of marriage, in the past, she had been fine with pushing that thought out of her head and coming to terms with the fact that it was just not her fate. When she thought she was to spend her days as nothing more than a governess, the mere thought of children of her own was laughable.

Now that she was a wife, it was no longer laughable – and she wanted more.

YN knew how children were conceived, and she knew that with the amount that YN and Harry had been doing that act, there was a chance that she could be pregnant, and yet (just as it had been before) neither one spoke of it. YN was beginning to be infuriated by it.

“You know,” Harry spoke from the side of her as they lay in his bed, “To read a book, you have to look at the words on the page.”

YN had not even noticed that she had stopped reading the book she had in her hand and instead was staring above the words and at the rest of the room. YN sighed and closed the book, dropping it down with a slight thud on the bedside table next to her.

“I guess I am just not in the mood to read,” YN sighed, slipping down so that her head was on the pillow, and she could bring the covers up and over her body.

“That is not like you,” Harry turned to face her, a slight smirk settling over his features, “Are you in the mood for something else?”  

YN rolled her eyes with a shake of her head, “Of course you would think that. No, Harry, I am just not in the mood to read.”  

“Since when can a book not capture your attention?” He reached over and placed a finger upon her cheek, lighting and tapping the skin so she would turn and face him, “Some may say I can read you like a book… what is wrong?”

YN turned upon her side, slipping her arm underneath her head as she stared at Harry, those eyes of his offering her an ounce of comfort at a time in which her mind was filled with different thoughts.

“Do you ever… do you ever think about having another child? With me?”

Harry went silent, his eyes squinting slightly before he turned away from YN. Her heart dropped and the comfort that had been there immediately disappeared the second that his eyes were not on her.

“I… I do not know,” Harry spoke after a second or so.

YN’s breath caught slightly, “You do not know?”

“I do not know,” Harry slightly tipped his head at her, “I have not ever thought about it.”

YN turned once more so that she was facing the ceiling, not wanting his face to be in her eyeline anymore. Whilst she had spent days, maybe even weeks or possibly months thinking upon this topic, imagining all of the possibilities of how this conversation would take place – she had never allowed herself to think upon this as one of them.

She supposed in part that was her fault – for allowing her thoughts to run away with her without any true evidence.

“I am sorry, I should not have brought the topic up,” YN spoke after a few minutes or so, before deciding that it was probably time to leave it altogether. She quickly pulled the covers off her, “I shall retire to my room tonight, I think.”  

“No,” Harry reached to grab her hand before she could stand up, “You do not have to do that.”

YN shook her head and pulled her hand out of his, “I just wish for a moment alone.”

YN stood up, reaching over for her gown to wrap around her body. She turned and saw Harry still lying in bed, this time with his hand over his face. It did not seem as though he was going to say anything, so she took that as her cue to leave the room.

Just as YN was about to reach for the door handle, Harry stopped her, “I cannot see you go through that.”

YN stopped her movements and turned to face him, “What?”

“I have witnessed first-hand what pregnancy can do to a woman,” Harry sat up, pulling the covers off his body, and moving towards the edge of the bed, “I cannot… I will not let you go through that.”

It all made sense to her now. The reason Harry had never even thought about it. She was ashamed of herself that she had not even thought of it. He had lost his first wife during childbirth, and he was afraid of the same for her.

“Harry…” YN took a step closer to him, watching as his slightly glassy eyes met hers.

“I know that you love the children, you truly do,” Harry spoke, “Are they not enough?”

YN was slightly taken aback by that question, and in turn, she ended up taking a step away from him, “I cannot believe you would say such a thing.”

Harry sighed, his head dropping forward slightly as he rested his hands upon his knees, “I am only saying what is the truth.”

“No, what you are saying is an excuse – what you are saying is nothing more than offensive,” YN shook her head, “I understand your worries, Harry, I truly do but what I cannot understand is you ever saying that Noah and Honorah are not enough for me!”

Harry sighed, his eyes failing to meet hers, “I apologise, YN, I should have never said such things.”

“No,” YN quickly retorted, “You should not have said such things, and yet you have! I only wished to discuss the topic with you Harry and I would never do a thing that you do not wish to do.”

Harry nodded, finally meeting her eyes again, “I understand, I apologise again.”

“We share the love of two beautiful children, Harry,” YN sighed, unable to comprehend why she was even having to explain the love she held for the children, “I apologise for wanting to just share our love in a child of our own.”

Harry gasped, and YN was shocked herself that those words had left her lips. Whilst YN had felt that feeling, love, for Harry for longer than she could put a timeline on – they had never said those words. If the conversation surrounding children had not caused animosity between the two of them, she worried if he did not return the favour that this certainly would. It was their cycle, one that no matter how much they attempted to change – YN feared they never would.

Harry did not say anything, and instead stood up and walked towards her. YN worried as to what it could be that he would say to her, or if he would indeed just walk past her altogether. Instead, he reached for her hands.

“Of course, I wish that we could share… share our love with a child but…” Harry shook his head, “I cannot lose you, YN. I love you too much. I need you too much. I fear, well, I would not be able to go on if anything were to happen to you.”

YN just sighed, taking a step forward to wrap her arms around his waist, her head falling upon his bare chest, “You will not lose me, Harry.”

“You do not know that,” He muttered against her hairline, “You cannot promise me that.”

“I know I cannot,” YN pulled away, looking up at those green eyes of his, “But… your fear, Harry, and whilst I am not diminishing it could also not be the case.”

Harry sighed, “I love you so much, YN.”

“Then, please,” YN rested her hand upon his cheek, “Think about it.”

Harry leaned down, placing the lightest of kisses upon her lips, “For you… I will.”

After quite a struggle, YN had just managed to get the children down and in bed, both of them deciding today was the day that they did not need a bedtime – and that they were both, in fact, too grown up for a bedtime.

Once she had finally managed to wrangle them into their beds, she wanted nothing more than to drop into bed with her husband and sleep the day off. The only problem was when she walked into their bedchamber – he was nowhere to be found.  She set off throughout the house, looking at all of the different spots she usually found him in. It was not until she spotted a light coming from underneath the door to his study that a small smile crossed her face.

The door was slightly ajar, almost as though he had left it slightly open in hopes that she would find him. She stepped into the room and saw him sitting at his desk, with his books open on the desk in front of him. She knew that he had to be busy to still be working.

Harry had his eyes down, resting his head against his hands. He seemed stressed. YN leaned against the door, a small smile crossing her lips as she watched him. 

“If you continue to furrow your eyebrows like that they will stay that way,” YN joked, watching as his eyes lifted to her.

YN watched as the furrow in his eyebrow ceased, and his chest emptied the air that he had been holding in. It was as though all of the stress in his body had dissipated the second that he saw him in the room. She had not seen him all day, and whilst she had missed him – it was evident just by the look on his face now that he had missed her too.

“Forever jesting,” Harry smiled, leaning back in his chair.

YN shrugged, “You married me for a reason.”

“That I did,” Harry sighed. He held his hands out, beckoning her to come closer to him. YN walked towards him, placing her hands in his and accepting his invitation to sit on his lap, “How are the children?”

YN groaned, dropping her head back slightly, “They have decided that they do not need a bedtime anymore. That they are old enough to go to bed whenever they decide it is time.”

Harry’s body shook with laughter slightly, “I fear the older Noah gets, the more difficult he will become.”

“It certainly seems that way,” YN smiled, her fingers threading through those curls at the nape of his neck, “Are you coming to bed anytime soon?”

Harry sighed, pursing his lips slightly, “I can certainly be persuaded to come to bed.”

YN rolled her eyes, shaking her head at Harry’s words, “I should have known that was going to be your motive.”

Harry’s hands found their place on YN’s waist, his thumb itching ever so closer to the swell of her breast, “I do not know what you mean.”

“You have that glint in your eyes,” YN noted, pulling back from him slightly, “The one you have when you are scheming something.”

“No schemes here,” Harry shook his head, holding his arms up in surrender, “It is just if I am not mistaken… the best time of the month.”

YN could not help the pull of her cheeks that his words caused. It was one thing that YN had noticed very quickly about Harry, even more so when their relationship had turned into what it is now – he remembered everything. Everything that YN told him that was of some sort of importance, he remembered. Even if it was not of much importance, just a tiny, small thing that YN had mentioned in passing, he remembered. It was probably one of the things that YN found the most endearing about Harry. 

When YN and Harry had their conversation about children, it had taken him a few weeks to come to terms with her request. She had left him to think about it and assured her that if anything were to happen, he would be prepared. He would make sure the greatest doctors were at their beck and call the second that anything seemed wrong, and he would ensure her safety at every point. With these in mind, he had decided to oblige her request.

But, when YN saw Harry’s smug expression there was a part of her that knew that at this point, he had no qualms with what she had asked.

“Well, then,” YN smiled, “Since it is the best time of the month, shall we retire upstairs?”

“I was thinking that the best course of action was to shut the door,” YN bit her lip, attempting to suppress her smile but it was no use. She immediately clambered off his lap to shut the door to the room that they were in.

When YN turned back around from the door, Harry had moved so that he was leaning against the front of his desk. For a moment, she just stared at him. She was unable to control the wave of desire that rushed over her body just at the sight of him. It was crazy to believe that just over a year ago they had not slept in each other’s bed and that these feelings had not yet reached the surface. Now, YN could not sleep without Harry beside her.

YN attempted to not think of the past, and instead, she was to focus on the future.

YN took light steps towards him, not stopping until she was in between his open legs. It was then that he almost pounced on her. With such rigour, he dropped his lips down to hers so that their faces all but smashed together, but YN did not mind. Her hands grasped the lapels of his jacket, pulling him even closer to her if that was possible.

“YN,” Harry mumbled against her lips, wrapping his arms around her waist until they rested in the small of her back.

It was not long before their hands were pulling the clothes off their bodies piece by piece. Harry was especially skilled at unlacing a corset, something that made their recent penchant for these activities all the easier to complete. There was something about the comfortability with their movements, the ease, that YN had both longed for and never thought would be a possibility. It was now that they knew the ins and outs of each other, they knew what made each other tick more than anyone else in this world.

Their movements quickened in their speed, and Harry’s body fell back slightly. YN ignored the sound of the items that had once lined Harry’s desk falling to the floor. YN would be lying if she said that this had not happened once or twice in this room and that they did not know the logistics of it. She would be lying even more so if she said that they did not know the logistics of most of the rooms in the house.

Harry’s lips slipped from hers and across her cheek, placing light kisses until they reached her neck. Harry was completely, and utterly obsessed with her neck. He always put the most kisses on the skin between her neck and her collarbone, when they were in bed that was where his head was always placed. The one that excited YN the most was always when they were in public, and Harry pushed her hair off her neck. His fingertips would always linger there, and the touch was always ever so light that it would set her skin alight.

It was always tough work to get him off her neck once he was there, but a tug on the curls at the nape of his neck was always enough to pull him off her and elicit the lightest of moans from his lips. His hands moved down and came to rest at the seam of her chemise, pushing the lace up ever so slightly so that his fingers could rest on the skin of her thighs. His fingertips scratched her skin lightly, causing her to moan into his mouth.

YN pulled away from him slightly so that she could help him unfasten his trousers and pull them swiftly down his legs.

“Eager?” He mumbled against her lips again, his hands pushing her chemise up until they were resting upon her waist.

YN shook her head, “Not eager, just fed up with your constant teasing.”

Harry did not reply. Instead, he picked her up and switched their positions. She landed on the desk with a slight thud, eliciting a moan from her lips. Harry wasted no time in slipping his fingers underneath the thin strap of her chemise, allowing it to fall from her shoulder and expose her chest to him. As the material fell, Harry purposefully slowed his movements so that the soft material rubbed against her pert nipples. To her, it was truly as though he knew her exact strings to pull.  

“You are teasing again,” YN mumbled, pulling away from him slightly in hopes that he would stop the teasing. She should have known better.

His hands grasped at her waist, his fingers setting her skin on fire. He pulled her towards the edge of the desk so that his lips could attach to her nipple. YN gasped, her back arching towards Harry’s body.

He pulled away, his chin resting on the exposed skin of her chest, “You knew what I was like when you married me.”

YN shook her head, wrapping her legs around his body to pull him closer to her, “Not in this capacity I did not.”

Harry laughed, placing a kiss on her skin once more before his lips caught her nipple again. His hands ran up the exposed skin of her thigh once more, pushing it all the way up to her waist until she was exposed to him. His eyes locked with hers again, the slight darkness in them causing a shiver to run across YN’s body and pool in the pit of her stomach.

His assault moved downwards until he was face to face with her. He gripped the skin of her thighs, pulling his legs upwards until they were resting upon his shoulders. She bit her lip in an attempt to conceal the illicit sounds that threatened to escape them. There was nothing that could have helped her when his head lurched forward, his mouth attaching to her immediately.

“God, Harry…” Her body fell backwards, her chest rising up and down at a record speed as he continued his movements.

The mix of continuous flicks of his tongue against her clit, mixed with the suction his lips provided brought her closer and closer to the edge within minutes. YN also wondered if there was a part to play in that in how much she had thought about this throughout the day. It was as though she had been shown something, and now her entire thoughts were consumed by it day by day.

With each second she could feel herself getting closer, and her hands found themselves attached to his hair. Her breathing quickened, and her chest rose and fell at an exasperated rate.

Then it stopped.

YN could not help the moan that passed her lips at the loss of contact, tears brimming against her waterline. She watched as Harry wasted no time in lifting his body back up to her, his lips dropping against hers once more.

“You are cruel,” She mumbled against his lips, feeling the smirk that crossed his features, “You are cruel, and you are mean.”

“I am not cruel and mean,” He responded, his hand moving between them to pull himself out. He gave his cock a few strokes before lining himself up with her, “That is just not the purpose of the best time of the month, is it?”

“It could be, but you…” YN’s words were interrupted by Harry pushing himself into her. YN gasped, her nails digging into the skin of his exposed back, “Oh, god!”

The first time that they had sex was the night of the morning they had been interrupted. YN knew that if it was not for the children, it would have probably happened then. They had spent the entire day exchanging what can only be called longing and intoxicating looks at one another. In part, it felt like both pleasure and torture. YN had been slightly nervous, she would not lie, but Harry had made her feel like the most beautiful woman on this earth. He had not rushed her, he had made her feel comfortable the entire time and most importantly, he had reassured her time and time again that they were doing this together. That this was them showing their affection for each other, in a way that two people could.

All of their sex was not like this. More often than not it was sloppy, and it was rushed, and it was in the five minutes spare they had within the day when nobody from the estate or the children wanted them. If it was not rushed, it was often very slow and sleepy – but in a different remark still sloppy.

“Oh, Harry,” YN’s hands ran down his back towards the curve of his bum, where she pressed her hands against the flesh in hopes of pushing him deeper into her.

Harry groaned against her lips, “This is what you wanted, yes? You were wanting me to fill you up?”

“It was,” YN responded, gasping when he hit that particular spot inside of her that caused her to tighten around him. His hips never stopped their assault on her, and she did not want him to. The second that he slipped his hand between their bodies to rub his thumb against her clit, she was right back to where she had been minutes prior.

Harry’s head dropped into the nape of her neck, resting there whilst he continued to move his hips faster and faster against hers. YN had tried her best to match his pace, but she could not. It was as though she could not control her body when she was with him. He knew exactly what she needed, and he would be the one to get her there.

YN’s entire body went rigid, her mouth parting as a string of moans mixed with calls of Harry’s name left her lips as she orgasmed, Harry’s following just after hers. Their chest, pressed close to one another, were heaving in sync, their breaths ragged but smiles still dancing across both of their lips.

Harry pulled out of her gently and helped her clean herself up, pulling her chemise back on so it was not revealing her in such a promiscuous way. YN laughed, accepting a kiss from Harry when he offered her a hand to help her off the table.

“Do you think it worked this time?” YN asked, wrapping her arms around Harry’s neck.

“We can hope,” Harry nodded, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “But we will not be disheartened if it has not, yes?”

“Yes,” YN nodded, saying the words as though she was trying to convince herself that they were true.

“Let us go to bed,” Harry nodded, reaching his hand out for her.

YN laughed, “We must dress first, imagine if we are to pass any of the staff in this state!”

“They have seen much worse. Now…” Harry dropped down, wrapping his arm around her legs and hoisted her up into his arms, “Let us go to bed… we can tidy in the morning.”

YN just laughed, allowing him to carry her to their room.

YN had been sitting on a blanket in the garden with Noah and Norah when it happened.

When she awoke that morning, she had certainly felt strange. YN had attempted to ignore it, to push the feeling so far down that it would not affect her day. There were things in life that YN could face head-on, with no worries about the consequences. This was something that she could not do. This broke her heart.

YN had smiled at the maid that was in the garden with them, giving her a look to instruct her to look after the children whilst she rushed inside.

She had stripped herself of her ruined clothes as quickly as she could, ordered a bath to be drawn and sunk into the water without a second thought.

They had tried and tried to conceive a child, but it seemed that no matter their efforts (which were frequent) it did not seem to stick. It was heartbreaking every time that this happened, and yet she could not control anything that happened. YN knew that she was older, but she had heard of women having children even older than her before. She just did not understand why nothing seemed to stick for her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. Harry walked in with a smile on his face, “Miss Harding told me you were in here. It is not like you to have a midday bath.”

YN looked at Harry and at those kind eyes that were staring into hers, and she broke down. The sobs that left her lips were loud, and they shook her entire body. He immediately rushed over to her, kneeling by the tub so that he could wrap his arms around body, trying to soothe the sobs that were wracking through her body.

It was at that point that he noticed her discarded clothes, and the stain upon them told him everything that he needed to know.

“Oh, YN…” Harry’s lips skimmed the top of her head, the realisation and seeing her in such pain stabbed at his chest also, “I am so sorry.”

YN shook her head, leaning against his shoulder, “There is no need for you to apologise, Harry. It is not your fault… I just… I am finding it more and more difficult to deal with the disappointment time and time again.”

Harry sighed, his lips placing a light kiss on her hairline before he pulled away, “Move forward, slightly.”

YN nodded, bringing her legs closer to her chest, and moving forward slightly, She watched as Harry stripped from his clothes, dropping them on a pile by the end of the tub and allowed his body to slip into the water behind her. YN immediately relaxed into Harry’s arms, the feeling of his arms around her body offering the comfort that she needed at that time.

“I do not wish to offend you with this, my love, but…” YN dropped her head back on his shoulder, placing her hands upon his that sat on the soft skin of his thighs, “Do you think that we should stop our endeavours?”

YN pulled away to look at him, “You wish to stop having sex with me?”

“No!” Harry’s eyes immediately widened, “No, God no. I do not wish for that, at all. I just mean that… YN I cannot see you go through this month by month. I just thought that we could, stop putting such a pressure on our actions.”

YN let out a sigh of relief and dropped back down next to him, “Oh… I suppose you may be right.”

“I thought you should know by now that it is often not the case that I am not,” Harry jested from behind her, his nose nudging her cheek.

“I think you are mistaken by that,” YN retorted, shaking her head, “I am more often the one that is right, and you know it.”

“So I do,” Harry lifted his hand from the water to tap her cheek, turning her head so that their lips were inches away from each other, “I just think that if we possibly put a little less pressure on ourselves, then you would hurt less.”

As much as YN would hate to admit it again, Harry’s word did hold some truth. Whilst Harry had never put any sort of pressure upon her, she was unable to say that she did not do the same for herself. It was more often than not she found herself worrying if it was her that was the cause of the problems. Harry had two beautiful children already, and yet the only difference between then and now was YN – and that therefore meant that she had to be the problem which was occurring.

“I think that is the best course of action,” YN nodded, dropping her head forward so that her forehead rested against his.

It was not long before he leant forward and placed his lips against hers. The kiss was soft, and light and the only word that YN could use to describe it was loving. It was as though no matter what mood YN found herself in or what was possibly going on in her head – the only thing that ever brought her out of such was him.

Harry’s hand lifted to rest against her cheek, resting against the soft skin and in part brushing all of the worry out of her body. It was a shock to her at what his touch did to her. She never, ever wanted it to end. She was the one to pull away first, placing her head against his shoulder again.

“We shall take the pressure off,” YN nodded, “And wait to see what happens.” “It will happen when the time is right,” Harry placed his head against hers, “And we should not worry ourselves until that time.”

YEAR SEVEN

From the last time that YN felt strange, this one was different.

The feeling itself was nothing that YN would say was significant – but it was there. She waited for the moment that her courses would come and prove to her that whatever she was feeling was just the prerequisite to that – and yet it never did.

YN tried not to worry herself, or to let her mind spiral but it was often difficult not to. It was as though there were some things that her mind just had to run free with. She did not tell Harry of her thoughts, as she did not want to worry him or to let him get his hopes up for something which could not be true just yet. That it could once again just be her mind playing tricks on her.

That was until, a month or so after her courses should have arrived that she started to feel waves of nausea race over her.

That was when her suspicions grew more into what she would deem to be facts. Her missed courses, the nausea, her constant state of fatigue and the fact that foods that she had once loved turned her stomach in ways that she could not express.

These feelings, which had been slight at first soon grew into something that she could not hide.

It was just a random Thursday that she had woken up and felt quite unwell, and whilst she had truly tried to get up and get herself ready for the day – she just could not.

The only way in which YN’s stomach did not churn uncontrollably was if she was laid down. That is how she found herself, on a lounger by the window in the drawing room. Her arm was covering her eyes, and she was focusing on nothing but her breathing – that was the only way in which to settle her stomach.

Even when she heard the door open, and Harry walked into the room – YN could not muster the energy to lift her arm and greet him. She could hear him talking to her, and yet her ears could not focus on the words that he was saying.

It was not until he dropped himself on the edge of the lounger she was laid on was it that she finally turned to greet him, but it was certainly not the greeting he was possibly expecting.

“Why do you smell like that?”

Harry chuckled, “Did you not hear me saying that I had just returned from my morning ride?”

“No,” YN shook her head, her features grimacing, “If I had, I would not be asking you why you smell like that.”  

“It is nice to know that you listen to me,” Harry jested, leaning forward to place either one of his arms around her body. He leant forward in hopes that she would return the favour, and yet she did not. She placed her hand on his chest and pushed him away from her.

“You… The smell…” YN placed her hand over her mouth, pushing Harry out of the way so that she could reach the chamber pot she had left at the side of her on the lounger.

Harry dropped down next to her, pulling her hair back from around her face. He was confused, and even more so when he reached out to wrap his arm around her body and she pushed him away once again.

“Do not come near me,” She held her hand out, instructing him to stay where he was, “You smell horrid.”

“Are you ill?” Harry ignored her orders, “Do I need to fetch a doctor?”

YN shook her head, leaning back against the lounger, “That is not necessary.”

“YN, you must tell me if you are ill,” YN sighed at his words, her annoyance growing by the second, “I cannot bear to see you in pain.”

YN raised her hand to cover her eyes once more, “I am not ill in the way that you think.”

“Then what is it?”

YN tried to swallow the feeling that was bubbling within her, but she could not, “Is there no way that you could change, or maybe even wash before we have this conversation?”

Harry furrowed his eyebrows, “YN tell me what it is right now.”

YN sighed, turning to meet his eyes despite her stomach’s protests, “I have… evidence to believe that I am with child.”

Harry’s eyes widened as he looked upon her, “What?”

“Did you not hear me?” YN did not mean to snap, but she could not lie and say that her patience was not wearing thin with him, “I said that I believe I am with child.”

“I heard what you said, I just…” Then, his face broke out into a smile, “It is just that I am slightly in shock, but I cannot say not overjoyed by the news – and possibly a little apprehensive.”

Harry attempted to move closer to her, but she pushed him back once more.

“Harry, I wish nothing more than to hug you and kiss you right now to celebrate but I fear if you come any closer to me you might receive something else entirely.”

Harry finally understood what it was that she was saying to him. He stood up and immediately started to unbutton his coat and his shirt. He removed his suspenders, and his trousers came next until he was stood in nothing but his underwear in front of her.

“Would this suffice?” He held his arms open in front of her.

YN laughed, “You will have to come closer for me to make my decision.”

Harry laughed as he dropped back down beside her, wrapping his arms around his wife. He lifted her with such care and ease until she was upon his lap. She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“We are having a baby?” He smiled, immediately leaning forward to capture her lips with his, “I cannot quite believe it.”

“Well, I cannot say for certain, but I do think that it is highly likely,” YN nodded, accepting the light kisses he was giving her through her words.

Sighing, YN pursed her lips in an attempt to keep her feelings down. Without his clothes on was certainly much better, but the smell was still lingering around him, and going straight towards her stomach.  

“Harry, I am sorry, but you need to bathe,” YN pushed herself up and off his lap, “I cannot be around you until you do.”

“I thought you vowed to love me – smell and all?” He pouted, still making no movements to stand up.

YN shook her head, “That was before such a smell did this to me. Please, freshen up and then we can continue our conversation.”

Harry just nodded, pushing himself up until he was standing, “I shall wash straight away.”

“I need to leave this room,” YN shook her head, walking towards the door, “Can you open the windows before you leave to air it out?”

Harry laughed but did as his wife wished. His wife that was indeed carrying their child.

“I must say, it’s been too long since you have been in my shop, YN,” Miss Francis spoke, passing her friend who sat on the settee in her shop a cup of tea, “I might have to come and have words with that husband of yours to let you free every once in a while.”

YN chuckled, “You should have seen him this morning. I said that I needed to come and see you and he was readying himself to join us.”

Miss Francis gasped and shook her head, dropping down on the settee with her cup of tea in her hand also.

As much as YN hated to admit it – she had slightly neglected Miss Francis and her friendship since she was married. She, of course, saw her whenever she needed a dressmaking or something altered – but they both knew that was not good enough. Miss Francis had been there with her through thick and thin, and she hated that it had let it get this bad.  

“Well, if I was worried about whether or not he loved you – I’m certainly not worried about that now,” Miss Francis offered the younger girl a smile, but that dropped once she saw the expression on YN’s face, “What is that face for? Are you… is everything okay?”

YN offered Miss Francis a small smile and placed the cup down on the table in front of them. She turned and reached over to grab the older woman’s hand.

“I need to apologise to you, Miss Francis,” YN spoke, squeezing Miss Francis’ hand.

Miss Francis furrowed her eyebrows, placing her cup down, “Whatever for, my dear?”

YN sighed, “For getting married, and not coming to visit you as often. It was despicable of me, and I cannot tell you how sorry I am.”

Miss Francis laughed with a shake of her head, “You do not need to apologise to me, silly girl. You were a newlywed; I am just your modiste – there is no reason to apologise for not coming to see me without a need for it.”

“No,” YN shook her head, “Miss Francis, you are not just a modiste to me. You are my friend I would say that you are my best friend. You encouraged me to marry, you held my hand the morning of my wedding. You gave me your family’s jewels to wear at the ball. And I… well I handled the changes in my life poorly when it came to you. I therefore need to apologise to you.”

When YN looked back up at Miss Francis, her heart broke at the sight of her watery eyes. She had never felt disappointment in herself like this before, and she was angry. She was angry at herself for abandoning this woman.

“YN,” Miss Francis shook her head, “All of that does not matter to me. I was happy just knowing that you were happy.”

“I am happy,” YN nodded, “And I promise you that I will never let it get to this again. I will come to see you as much as I can until… well…”

Miss Francis furrowed her eyebrows, reaching forward to pick up a biscuit, “Until what?”

YN pursed her lips in an attempt to hold back her smile, and yet she could not do it. This had been the real reason that YN had wanted to come and make amends for the guilt that she had been feeling. When she had finally come to terms with the fact that she was pregnant a few days ago, the first person (besides Harry) that she had wanted to tell was Miss Francis. She had wanted to tell her straight away, but it had taken her a few days for the nausea to not be so bad, and in fact for her to be able to get up and ready and even contemplate leaving the house. Harry had not left her alone these past few days, doing everything that he could to make her comfortable. That was why when she had felt fine this morning and had asked Harry to make sure the carriage was ready to take her into town – Harry had tried and tried to get her to allow him to come with her.

It had taken YN explaining to Harry the reason behind the visit, and how she needed to do this on her own for Harry to finally let her go without him. It was under the stipulation that she would go there and come straight back, and if she started to feel ill at any point she had to return immediately. YN, not wanting to upset him anymore nodded and accepted the stipulations with a light kiss to his lips. Any of the turning in her stomach that she felt today was more the nerves of the conversation she was going to have – rather than a cause of the baby.

“Let us just say that… life might be turned around once more in eight months.”

Miss Francis gasped, dropping the biscuit she had in her hand onto her lap and leaning over to wrap her arms around the younger woman. YN laughed, swaying with Miss Francis as they embraced.

“Oh, YN,” Miss Francis pulled away, the tears in her waterline now ones of joy, “I am so happy for you, darling.”

YN had her own tears that were threatening to spill down her cheeks. Another part of this which she had not expected to experience as well as the nausea was the up and down of her emotions. Harry, who probably had prior knowledge of this, had taken her constant changes of mood like a champ thankfully. YN, however, was struggling slightly with the changes.

“I wanted to tell you,” YN nodded, “I needed to tell you. I need you to be with me throughout this.”

“Of course, I will, darling,” Miss Francis smiled, running her hand across YN’s cheek, “I will be here for anything that you need.”

“Thank you,” YN nodded.

It was then that Miss Francis sprung up into action, walking over to the trunk where YN had brought some of her dresses with her. YN knew better than to interrupt Miss Francis when she was working, so instead she stood up and allowed the older woman to boss her around the way she needed her to.

“I did wonder when you showed up with the trunk what was happening,” Miss Francis spoke pulling the dresses out, “I should have known.”

“It is just the ones that I think with a bit of altering should have some give,” YN nodded, allowing the older woman to hold the dress up to her body, “Harry said I should have some new ones made but I do not see the need.”

“You might have to, YN,” Miss Francis explains, “Depending on how much altering I can do to these dresses.”

“Well,” YN offers Miss Francis a smile, “You have never been one to turn down a challenge.”

“That I have not,” Miss Francis laughs, “Now, you have to tell me everything. How did you tell Mr Styles?

“It is not quite the story you imagine it to be, I am afraid,” Then the two women broke out into a fit of giggles and it was as though nothing had happened between them at all.

Nathaniel Styles entered the world a mere eight months later.

Eight months of what some might conclude as torture, but others may count as bliss. YN had realised that her pregnancy would be a mixture of the two. She possibly should have realised when the first few months of her pregnancy were torture that she was not necessarily going to have the easiest pregnancy. It had been easy to realise that this experience was beautiful, and YN would not have changed it for the world – it was also difficult for her.

It had also taken a toll on Harry. He had already been particularly attentive before her pregnancy, but it seemed as though it was even more so when she got pregnant. She should have known the way that he acted when she had first told him that she was pregnant and that he was going to be that way. If she thought that Harry was bad before, the closer they were to welcoming their bundle of joy into the world – the more that he would not leave her alone at all. He was there, always in the room with her and ready to be there if anything happened. YN, whilst she may not have said so during time, was thankful for him.

By the time that YN had realised she was in labour, there had been no time to do anything. If Harry had not devoted himself to being close to her at all times (especially during the latter part of the pregnancy) then she would have worried about him missing the birth.

It was slightly scary the speed at which her labour progressed, there was not even any time to call for a doctor, or even Harry’s mother or Miss Francis. She had to rely upon Harry and the maids that were at hand in the house.

Whilst Harry had tried his very hardest to not make it obvious that he was worried, YN knew him too well and knew that he was. The speed at which her labour was progressing was the thing that worried him more than anything. It was as though he had kept worrying about something going wrong, and yet nothing ever seemed to.

It was in the mid-afternoon when their baby boy made his way into the world, making their two other children siblings once more.

Harry had not put Nathaniel down since he had made his entrance into the world. One of the first things that caused YN to fall in love with Harry was the love and care that he had for his children, and now that they had one of their own – that had certainly not changed. YN had been resting in the bed, unable to take her eyes off her husband sitting on the lounger next to the window, with their baby boy placed on his chest. Nathaniel was sleeping soundly against his father’s chest, obviously finding the comfort he needed in the skin-to-skin contact.

There was not a single sound in the room apart from a babble from Nathaniel now and then, until there was a knock at the door. YN’s face broke into a smile when she saw Anne, Harry’s mother peering her head into the room.

Anne held a similar smile on her face, “Are you up for any visitors?”

“Of course, I am,” YN beamed, any ounce of fatigue immediately dissipating from her body. She watched as Noah and Norah walked into the room, both of them rushing around the bed and towards her.

“Is that him? My baby brother?” Noah pointed to the baby bundled against Harry’s chest, his face beaming out into a smile.

“It is,” YN smiled, her head dropping against her shoulder as she watched the two older children walk closer to their new sibling.

It was not often that YN would say that she saw the two of them nervous. They were such confident children; it was so out of character for them. There was nothing in this world that scared them, and yet for some reason, they both seemed that way about meeting their new brother. As the children inched closer to their father, YN felt the bed dip at the side of her. She smiled as she saw Anne sitting there, immediately reaching out to grab YN’s hand.

“How are you feeling?” Anne asked, pushing some of YN’s hair out of her face slightly.

YN smiled, accepting the woman’s comforting touch, “Tired, but I am well. It all seemed to happen very quickly.”

“Harry’s birth was just the same,” Anne smiled, “If you need anything, do not be afraid to ask.”

YN smiled, “Thank you.”

Both of the women’s attention immediately turned to Harry, who was instructing Noah on how best to sit to hold his brother in his arms. The eldest boy’s eyes were wide, and he was listening to every word from his father’s mouth as he spoke.

“Keep your arms together, just like that,” Noah nodded, watching as his father moved Nathaniel from his arms and placed him down in his sons. His face broke into a smile once the little boy was safe and secure in his arms.

“He’s so small,” Noah commented, his eyes wide as he looked up to YN for just a second until they dropped back down to his brother.

“Well,” Harry sighed, reaching over to run the back of his finger across the expanse of Nathaniel’s small cheek, “You both were once this small.”

“Really?” Norah’s eyes lit up, “But you always say that I am your big girl.”

Harry nodded, suppressing a chuckle slightly before he reached his arm out to wrap around his daughter’s body, pulling her into the side of him, “You are my big girl, but you were once my small girl too, but you will always be my baby.”

Norah smiled, accepting the kiss that Harry placed on her cheek. It was very quickly that (just as her brother’s) Norah’s attention was placed upon her little brother, who had interrupted his sleep once again to let out a small whine before falling straight back into a slumber.

“Look at that,” YN smiled, “He feels safe with his big brother.”

Noah smiled once more before it was replaced with one of concern when Nathaniel broke out into tears, his little face turning red and his eyebrows furrowing. Noah’s eyes widened, looking between Harry and YN with a panic-stricken face.

“It is okay, bud,” Harry chuckled slightly, an amused glint in his eyes as they met YN’s, “He must be hungry.”

YN and Anne both chuckled from their place on the bed, watching as Noah angled his arms towards Harry slightly so that he could take his brother off him.

“I think that is our cue to leave,” Anne smiled, squeezing YN’s hand one last before climbing off the bed, “I am sure that there’s some trouble that we can get up to.”

YN smiled, opening her arms wide so that both Noah and Norah could come and hug her and kiss her before they left. Norah had a pouting face as she came over to YN. The older woman attempted to wipe it off her face, but she could not.

“And what is with that face, Norah?” YN teased, running her finger across the girl’s cheek lightly.

She pouted one more time, “I did not get to hold Nathaniel.”

YN smiled, placing a kiss on the younger girl’s cheek, “Your time will come, Norah, I promise. But he’s small now and needs me to feed him but I promise that once he has a full stomach – you will be the first to hold him.”

Norah sighed but alas nodded her head, “I suppose I can live with that.”

“I suppose you can,” YN smiled, “Now go, I’m sure Nana has plenty of things planned for you in the meantime.”

The children both nodded, accepting their Nana’s outstretched hands and walked out of the room. Both Harry and YN watched as the door closed behind them, a smile passing between them as it did. YN pulled herself up slightly so that she was in a sitting position, and smiled as Harry dropped down next to her, passing her Nathaniel as he did.

YN smiled at Nathaniel, and even though his little face was still red and scrunched with tears, YN would not change it for the world. Harry helped in pulling her nightgown down of herself, the act itself being sort of difficult with little Nathaniel in her arms. She sighed slightly as Nathaniel attached to her nipple, her body falling into Harry’s embrace as he wrapped his arm around YN’s shoulder, her head dropping down to his.

It was as though the second that Nathaniel had latched on, his face relaxed and peace was restored throughout his body. His eyes were wide, never leaving his parents faces as he began to eat. It was a beautiful moment, a moment that YN would never forget.

Harry sighed, lifting his free hand up to run his finger across Nathaniel’s cheek again, “He’s got your nose.”

YN chuckled slightly, trying her hardest not to shake too much and disturb the little boy pressed against her chest, “He does… it is no wonder I had so much heartburn with all of that hair – that’s certainly taking after you.”

Harry is the one who chuckles this time, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of YN’s head, “I hope he has your eyes.”

YN shook her head, turning so that she was facing Harry, “I want him to have your eyes.”

Harry smiled, leaning forward to place his forehead against YN’s. Harry’s eyes were one of the first things that YN noticed about him, and they will always be one of her favourite things about him. People always say that home is not a house, and instead can be found in a person. That was more obvious to her when she met Harry, and even more so when she looked into those green eyes of his. Those eyes, especially when they looked at her made her feel more at home than anything in this world. They were her comfort, her love, and more importantly, her home.

“Are you sure that you want him to have my eyes?” Harry questioned, pulling away slightly to look at her, “Because we both know we will not be able to say no to him.”

YN laughs before shaking her head, “I have no trouble saying no to you.”

“That is true,” Harry nods, “I suppose it shall be me that struggles to say no. I will compromise with the next one having your eyes.”

YN chuckled, “The next one?”

“Of course,” Harry sighed, “If you would want that.”

After sharing a slight chuckle between the two of them, they both turned to look at their son, who was becoming drowsier by the second. They decided that now was probably the best time to burp and place him down for a nap. Harry placed a cloth over his shoulder and carefully removed Nathaniel out of YN’s arms again, picking him up and placing him upon his shoulder.

YN watched with a smile as Harry started to walk around the room, gently rubbing Nathaniel’s back in hopes that it would coax a burp out of him. There was something so beautiful about the sight in front of her The fact that seven years ago YN had thought that marriage was out of the picture for her, and here she was now with a husband she could not love any more than she did and three beautiful children.

It was not long before Nathaniel let out the perfect burp, and his eyes began to close once more. He, so far, was the perfect baby. YN could not be luckier, and she also could not be luckier with the man she was raising him with.

“That’s it, baby boy,” YN watched as Harry swaddled the baby with a blanket, dropping him down lightly in the bassinet at the side of the bed.

There was a sigh from Nathaniel, and then not a single peep from him. Harry sighed, dropping back down on the bed next to YN, pulling her closer to him so she was resting her head on his chest. YN sighed into his body, dropping her hand upon his chest.

“Thank you,” YN mumbled, lifting her hand so that she was looking at him, “For everything.”

“No,” Harry shook his head, “Thank you.”

[defrosted69]

My Hype Boy P.4 (Kim Minji)

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A/N: The last and the end of "My Hype Boy" series. It took quite a long time but here it is. and be sure to be ready because this is ANGST and not fluff (Or is it?). Hope you guys have enjoyed this series and happy reading. I suggest you guys to listen to the song "Only" by LeeHi or some good heartbreak music.

(9k words)

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"He's mine! Let go!"

"Sorry little kid, But he's my boyfriend~"

"Why I attah-Yah! Minji say something!"

Hanni was pent up in wrath as Minji jerked slightly, shocked and surprised by her companion. She hadn't seen Hanni so enraged in a long time, and her mind was bewildered by Hanni's statements. How would she communicate if she couldn't speak? As Rei and Hanni glanced at you, you couldn't help but giggle at her raised eyebrows.

"What’s so funny Oppa?"

"What got you giggling Y/N?"

You sighed, a little smile on your face. Although both of your arms were very much occupied and tied up by Rei and Hanni, you can very well explain why you laughed.

"You're really telling a mute girl to talk about this? Really Hanni?"

Minji grinned and giggled cutely as she heard your comments, covering her lips beautifully with her palm. Rei, on the other hand, couldn't help but smile and laugh when he realized what you had said. Hanni, on the other hand, was as red as a tomato with humiliation since she had not considered the words she had just spoken.

"Well at least I got to make you smile. That's an additional points for me right?"

Hanni grinned before squeezing your arm even more, expressing her want to be with you. Of course, this simply fueled Rei, who had an idea that neither Hanni nor Minji could match. Her face lit up with a mischievous smile. Pulling away from your arm, you gazed at Rei with relief and confusion written over your face. Because you know Rei wouldn't let Hanni win that easy, right? What she did next, however, surprised you.

With her gentle fingertips, Rei began unbuttoning her top blouse. Your eyes widened as Rei realized she had captured your undivided attention. With a smug look on her lips, she entirely removed one button, leaving enough space to see the slice of pie in her gold mounts. As she returns to holding to your arm, her gentle mountains envelop your arm in between, and your heart and mind race.

"Did she win a point Y/N? Hehe~"

Rei said with a hint of seduction on her voice. Her eyes stared at you full of mischief and eagerness as the tension between you took a different jump.

Minji blushed and hid her eyes, ashamed by what she was witnessing, since her cute soft Squeak reaction had the potential to alleviate global hunger and prevent world conflicts.

Hanni, on the other hand, appeared horrified by Rei's tactics. She knew it was wrong, but in love, everything can be utilized, so instead of becoming irritated, she devised her own scheme. She let go of your arm, pretending to trip in front of you. Of course, your attention was drawn to Hanni, whose health was also a concern for you. Minji opened her eyes and gasped gently as she seen her companion trip and stagger in front of you. She kneeled down to assist her. But the instant Rei saw Hanni's trip, she rolled her eyes since she knew exactly what Hanni was planned.

"Hanni, you alright?"

As you reached down to assist her, Hanni abruptly raised her behind, bringing your face nearly entirely into contact with her behind. You don't know whether to applaud or despise your reflexes since the longer you lay on the floor, the more your eyes feasted on the treasure you were witnessing. Hanni began wiggling her ass seductively while fixing herself up. Not only that, she was aware that she had already captured you with her own advantages, so she took advantage even further. She bended her back as if to stretch it out, but it just made you gaze at her behind even more as she fully exposed them to you.

Minji shielded her eyes again and let out a lovely Yelp when she noticed what her buddy was doing in front of you. She felt sorry but yet proud of Hanni for attempting to counter Rei's advantages over you.

"Ahh, My back hurts. Mmhpph."

Hanni was making noises you were familiar with from the adult world, which caused your eyelids to flicker faster than normal. The voices in your brain were warring about what to do. Rei opted to exacerbate the situation as she stood behind you, hands sliding down your chest and a pair of soft squishy cushions massaging your neck. Her voice caused a tickle on your neck as she breathed hot air.

"You wouldn't want that right Y/N? You would rather choose BOOBS than ASS right?"

"I-I... I... I..."

"Oppa~ this ASS will clap for you only~"

"I. I-I..I..I.."

"Choose me Y/N~"

"Choose me Oppa~"

Everything was going nuts for you. The ideas in your brain were fighting demons about what to do, and it seemed that the demons were winning. The devil's offer was something you'd never get again, and it was an opportunity that every man would give anything for. But with one component separating everything, you latched onto that resolve and came to a conclusion.

"Out!"

"What?"

"Huh?"

Rei and Hanni froze for a few seconds, unable to respond to your unexpected demand. Your voice was not as warm and compassionate as they had become accustomed to. Your voice not only froze the two but also stunned Minji, who stared at you with horror in her eyes.

"I want all of you out of my apartment now. No butt-I mean No considerations. OUT! now!"

You stood up and pointed your finger out your door as Rei and Hanni was shocked to this side of you. It was new and in their eyes,

It was Attractive.

The way you dominate them and assert authority makes them adore you even more than before. They no longer see you as a golden retriever, but rather as a wolf hunting in the forest during winter.

They hurriedly cleansed your apartment room so as not to offend you. For once, you felt relieved as the pandemonium dissipated and the environment calmed down around you. You slumped to the floor with a thud, mentally and physically overwhelmed by everything that had transpired. 

"God I'm so tired..."

As you spoke those words out of your mouth, Minji came in running towards you with a cup of water and an angelic smile that will brighten up anyone's days.

"Thanks Minji-wait, why didn't you leave too?"

You asked her as you stood up and drank the cup of water off her hand. She smiled and wrote on her note showing you her answer.

"I wanna spend more time with you Oppa. Should I leave already?"

Her query and her eyes expressed confusion as you sighed and shook your head, almost unintentionally at this point. Despite Minji being one of the three people orbiting about you, you haven't had much time to spend with her, unlike the other two.

Minji's narrative began far longer than Rei and Hanni's combined, as she was the first lady to fall in love with you. Although there had been a brief break in her journey due to circumstances beyond her control, the situation had now flipped. She was finally reunited with you after a long time.

"It's fine. You can stay for a bit here Minji. It's quite late and dark now anyway."

You stated as Minji grinned enthusiastically at your suggestion. She ran towards you, embracing you in a warm and caring embrace you had missed so much from her. You smiled slightly as you patted her head back.

Recalling how you saw her again, it was pretty amusing how she came in your dreams, able to communicate, just to wake you awake. Although the dream appeared to be true, it was not; yet, the similarity between your dream and reality was quite near. 

Her appearance also had you marveling at her marvelously, as she resembled a deity who had come on Earth. The fact that you and Minji never spent time together after meeting was a crime.

But maybe with her in your arms, you can finally have the reunion you both wanted.

"Ah, hold on Minji, I think I have something special for you. Wait."

Pulling away from her, you went to your kitchen refrigerator. There was that tiny box of cake you bought the other day to celebrate Minji's reunion with you. But that didn't happen since Hanni and Minji ended up competing to see who could prepare the finest food.

You've never been able to contact Minji for a quick celebration since then. However, with things appearing to quiet down, there was no better moment than now. As you opened and drew out the box containing her cake, Minji's eyes shone with love and genuine surprise at seeing you present her with a cake.

"What? You really think I didn't have time to celebrate our reunion Minji?"

Minji could only react with a nod because she hadn't expected anything like this. She knew you were a kindhearted person since that occurrence, and she was delighted it had continued till now. Your real care allowed her to discover things she would not otherwise encounter due to her illness. But with you, she finds the strength to carry on. 

You were her light through the darkness.

You were her Medicine to her headache.

You were her guardian against the world.

And you were her first love.

She was amazed at how quickly her heart beat following the event. She felt free to appreciate and make you feel cherished because, in her opinion, you deserved the attention and affection you were given. And her desire to be the perfect woman for you was only strengthened by her separation from you.

Her heart broke in a thousand pieces when she realized she had to leave you. She grieved all night, knowing that she would never see you again, and her heart's notes would never be known to you. It almost shattered her, so she considered never leaving her room and staying at your place to be with you, but she knows you wouldn't like that either.

So, after learning that the separation was not the end of your relationship, she made it her mission to be better and more deserving of you. Her desire was to be with you again, not as step siblings, but as lovers. 

But just when she believed she had a clear path, two roads arose, blurring her finish line with how much they express their feelings to you. She was envious of Rei and Hanni for publicly showing the world how much they loved you, and there she was, just watching it all happen as if she were a bystander rather than a contender for your affection. 

"Tadah! I bought your favorite flavor cake! A strawberry cake!"

As you opened the box, the cake was still untouched and looked amazing. You gotta hand the baker for making this amazing cake. The way it was presented was eye catching and elegant. Minji smiled upon seeing the cake. She wrote on her notebook the words

"Thank you Oppa but strawberry isn't my favorite flavor"

"Eh-Eh? It wasn't? Oh no should I return it back?"

You panicked as you completely ruined the moment by not picking her flavor for this cake. You were sure that her flavor on the cake was strawberry but perhaps, as the time moved forward, her preferences also changed.

"I'll go get a new cake for us-"

Minji interrupted your statements by clutching your hand and shook her head. She smiled warmly, relaxing your fears slightly, but when you looked down at your hand, you realized how small and lovely they were in comparison to yours.

Minji smiled affectionately as she entwined her hands around yours. She felt so calm being thus close to you. All she ever wanted was to be someone unique in your heart. At this point, with two other competitors, she didn't mind losing if it meant seeing you pleased. Because that is how love works for her. 

Her Father's happiness with your mother was love. When she witnessed her father cry with your mother, she realized it was love too. Finally, as her father cries as he takes them to the airport, she realizes that your mother is the one he actually loves. 

It was then she learned that Love comes with sacrifices.

Happiness needs a sacrifice.

True love needs a sacrifice.

Minji loved you so much that she regretted that she hadn't forced you to love her. It crushes her heart that you had to pick between her, Hanni, and Rei, and there's a chance she'll lose because she hasn't done anything major to capture your attention.

All she's ever done is ease the tension between Hanni and Rei. From another perspective, she felt more like an enforcer between the two than a rival for your attention. The fact that you appear to be focused on the two of them rather than her crushes her heart. It felt like she was simply a shadow, out of the competition. 

She couldn't keep back her tears, and you noticed right away. Grabbing a nearby tissue, you moved closer to her face, wiping the tears that were pouring down her cheeks. But your hand was still clutching onto her.

Seeing how much you care for her made her weep because the way she wants to leave you hurts so much. She needed to let you go because she understood herself.... 

She wasn't enough.

She wasn't your ideal woman.

She wasn't what you desired.

She wasn't what you love.

This might be her final memory of You, and all she'll remember is the misery and her sobbing in front of you. She no longer knows if she has the power to speak what she has to say since you make her feel so weak.

"Minji, what's wrong?"

Your anxious words almost caused her to burst into tears in front of you. She was losing her will to let you go, so instead of responding, she had to do what was necessary.

Cupping your cheeks with her free hand, she smiled affectionately at you, peering into your eyes, which had once aspired to be hers alone. This was the final time she'd have the opportunity to be so close to you. 

With her feet raised and tip-toeing to reach your height, she leaned in and kissed your forehead with love and remorse. This is all she can do now as she surrenders in her quest to win your heart. She smiled sadly, tears streaming down her cheeks, as she drew her hand away from your body. She noticed you staring at her with a stunned and perplexed face, and she realized she needed to explain. She grabbed her note book and wrote the words she needed you to see. 

"Goodbye Oppa..."

.

.

.

"You have 3 girls?!"

Yeonjun spoke with his chest after hearing the words you had just uttered. You've decided to take a break and see your two old buddies from high school. Because at this time, you needed all of the assistance you could get in addressing your issue.

"So It's Hanni, Rei and Minji? But didn't you say Minji looked like she surrendered?"

Soobin inquired, taking a seat and holding his hot coffee in hand. You groaned and nodded in response to his comments since they accurately described how you felt. After kissing your forehead, she let go of your hand, loosened her grip on yours, and went by you as she left your apartment. All you could do was watch Minji turn her back on you and disappear.

You froze on the spot not knowing what to do and right now, you're regretting it. Minji left and was right at your grasp but you couldn't even let her stay.

You groaned and lowered your body to the seat. Yeonjun and Soobin observed your look and realized you were distressed over what to do. They understood that relationships are difficult to grasp, and having three females fall for you just made things more complicated.

"Listen man, you have to choose one of them. You have to accept it."

"I know but I can't just choose that easily! Two will get hurt. And I don't want that."

With you raising yout voice, you have expressed your worry for three dear females in your heart. They are not only realistic prospective life partners for you, but they also play a significant role in shaping who you are as a person. Each had an influence on who you are as a person, both positively and negatively.

Yeonjun finished his drink as you covered your face with your hands before providing a solution to help you with your problem. 

"Listen up Y/N. I want you to close your eyes and listen to what I need to say okay?"

"Why would I-"

"Just do it."

Whenever Yeonjun turned himself into a serious person, it's when you know he isn't fooling around anymore and was locked in. So despite having questions on what he's demanding of you, you obliged to it. Closing your eyes, all you saw was darkness and the ambience of the cafe is all that you heard.

"Great. Now listen to my voice and visualize who I'm pertaining to got it?"

"Yeah okay."

"Good. Now Visualize Rei in front of you ready to confess her feelings on a place both of you were familiar with."

Hearing his remarks, your imagination subconsciously began to envisage a future in which you and Rei would constantly spend time together. The howl of the winds at that location blended beautifully with the grass in the region. Despite the fact that you were simply using your imagination, it seemed like you were there with Rei in front of you, reaching her hand out. 

"You imagine it now Y/N?"

"Yeah I do.."

As you responded to Yeonjun, you grasped Rei's hand as she brought you closer to the tree at the top of the hill that overlooks the city. The sky was painted orange, as afternoons were the finest time to visit that location. A wave of nostalgia poured over you as Rei's lovely grin beamed in the orange light of the sky. 

"Now Rei is confessing her feelings to you on that spot. What do you say?"

As Yeonjun finished his words, Rei began to lean towards you. With her eyes never leaving yours, she touched your cheeks, and your heart raced quicker than usual. You know it was all only a visualisation, yet everything seemed so genuine.

"Y/N, You have been there for me ever since we met, you have become my wall and support in life. I want to be more than just a wall of support or a friend to you. My heart beats whenever I see you now. In my eyes, You have become a man I admire and grew to love. So Y/N. Will you accept my feelings?"

As Rei confessed her feelings to you. You stood there shocked and unable to come up with an answer. Everything just felt so real and you began to feel anxious and worried that this would eventually happen in real life. But despite all Your feelings, Rei still remained genuine asking you that question waiting for an answer.

"Open your eyes Y/N."

Without hesitation, you opened your eyes and returned to reality. You gulped for oxygen as your heart raced unevenly. Soobin shook his head as you felt your breath shorten. He wasn't sure whether what you saw there was romantic or a nightmare. 

"Looks like you couldn't answer her huh?"

Soobin inquired as you remained mute and glanced at the table, with no response. You could have simply responded yes or no because it was all in your imagination, but you froze and couldn't respond to her question.

"Alright. Close your eyes again Y/N."

"What? Were returning back to Rei?"

"No idiot. We're going to your 2nd girl, Hanni Pham."

Sighing at his words, you adjusted yourself one more before shutting your eyes. As you relaxed, the Café's noises were muffled, and Yeonjun's speech was all you could think about.

"Alright, just like Rei, Imagine the place you and Hanni liked to hang out with. Or a spot you two always go with."

Although there weren't many recent places you and Hanni did go through because of all the drama between the three, that didn't mean there wasn't any place back in the past.

As you recalled and reminisced, the familiar beauty of the park from your high school emerged in front of you. Your brain seemed to have recalled every element of the park just as you had anticipated. But it wouldn't be complete without Pham Hanni, the person who inspired you to visit parks in the first place. 

"Now, I want you and Hanni to go to that one place both of you call your spot."

Upon hearing Yeonjun's voice, Hanni immediately grabbed your hand and dragged you to the park. Just like Rei with the previous experience, it felt real as Hanni's small hand intertwined with yours. Her hands felt soft and warm. It felt like it was made for you.

When you arrived to the Park's water fountain, you grinned as memories of you and Hanni came flooding back. You couldn't help but smile as you remembered Hanni's attempts to date you every afternoon, doing everything she could to keep Minji away from you two. 

"Now, Just like Rei. What will you say to Hanni's confession?"

As Hanni turned to look at you, she blushed lightly as she closed the gap between you and her. Despite having such a fiery personality, she had always had a soft spot in your heart.

"Y/N Oppa, I know I had been skeptical of you and Minji's Relationship. But in honesty, I was jealous of her. Because you are a wonderful, amazing, kind hearted person. I wished that I was in Minji's position instead of her. I wished I was your number 1 rather than her number 2. My love for you isn't just admiration Oppa, I genuinely love you. Oppa, Can I be the girl you are looking for?"

When she finished her statement, your heart started beating again as your thoughts collapsed beneath her confession. Yes, it was just a mental vision, but why did it effect you so much? You had no idea what to say or do after hearing her confession since your body seemed glued to the floor.

Her eyes expressed true adoration and affection for you, but you said nothing. Nothingness was the most appropriate term to describe it. 

"Open them."

With Yeonjun's words, you opened your eyes and caught your breath again. Your heart was racing quicker than usual, similar to the incident with Rei before. It was strange because, despite the fact that you were seeing their prospective confession, you couldn't say anything.

Soobin seeing your reaction for the 2nd time, only made him sigh knowing you have no absolute answer to the two girls whatsoever.

"Looks like you don't understand your own feelings huh?"

You turned your head towards Soobin who gave you a blank stare as if he was right. But he was somewhat right because being unable to answer them, only justifies what's your true feeling between them.

"One last girl Y/N. Come on, let's do this."

Knowing it was Minji, you calmed yourself down first before closing your eyes and clearing off the noise around you. Since this was your third time, you immediately got the gist on what to do as you didn't spend much time focusing on what to do next.

"Just like the other two, try to imagine the place that you and Minji always loved to go to."

As your thoughts wandered to a spot you and Minji enjoyed, you were astonished to see that it was your apartment, with a strawberry cake on the kitchen table, and everything seemed so identical to what had happened the night before.

As Minji appeared in front of you, her eyes were sorrowful and brokenhearted, and tears streamed down her cheeks. Despite your want to approach her, your body felt like frozen ice, unable to move. 

Everything that happened last night was replaying right in front of you again and just like last night, you can't move and do anything to stop Minji.

She kissed your forehead, wrote the words

"Goodbye Oppa"

And went by you, ready to go for good. If last night's uncertainty and sorrow weren't enough, your imagination repeated it right in front of you, and even though you knew what would come next, you couldn't do anything. But, unlike the original, you wanted her to stay close you. 

To be with you.

To be close to you

To not let her go again.

Pushing everything what you were feeling on your body, you willed through freeing yourself to say the words

"DON'T LEAVE!!"

"Y/N! What the hell?!"

Yeonjun shouted as you opened your eyes, surprised that you had woken up without being told to do so. Soobin grinned sheepishly at the people surrounding them after the minor incident you had just made.

As you looked around, you realized that others were gazing in your direction, but what surprised you was that your right arm was extended as if you were clutching something that did not exist. 

But did it not exist though?

Because you should have done what you couldn't do last night: reached over to stop Minji from leaving. Pulling your arm back, Yeonjun gazed at you, surprised and impressed that you managed to have a reaction with Minji, unlike the other two..

"So Minji left?"

"Yeah.. Instead of imagining our favorite spot, my mind recalled what happened last night, and that's her leaving my apartment, saying goodbye to me with tears in her eyes as I just watched her leave."

"You a bum!"

Soobin muttered as he groaned and shook his head, disappointed with your conduct. Despite his harsh statements, he was correct. You acted like a real bum by letting her stroll and simply watched her do it. Now you are experiencing remorse from your actions.

"So answer me this question Y/N, among the 3 girls, who are you afraid to lose the most?"

Yeonjun's question caused you to sigh and ruffle your hair, as if this problem had finally reached its height. Because the three females visualized their confessions three times. An response quickly sprang to mind.

You couldn't help but laugh since you must have been insane given how slowly you received your response. Yeonjun and Soobin grinned because they knew your response was rapid and didn't take long since you knew the answer straight away; it was only now that you recognized who it was. 

"So, what will you do now Y/N after all, you already have a girl on your mind."

You looked at Soobin as He and Yeonjun looked at you with curiosity trying to learn what's your next move. Knowing that you needed to end this story already. You grabbed your phone and texted two particular girls who were familiar with each other.

"Let's meet up later on."

.

.

.

Hanni saw the unintentional grimace on her face as she prepared to greet you. Her instinct told her something was wrong with the message you sent her, and it gave her the chills.

Whenever she has those kinds of sentiments, something horrible generally happens, and she ends up with the tail end of that bad situation. And right now was no different from the last time. She had just grabbed her handbag and was ready to go when she heard a knock on her door. 

She was confused as she didn't recall any delivery today or her parcel being shipped towards her apartment. Nonetheless, she took her steps and checked her door and what she saw was something she clearly didn't expect.

"Minji? Are you okay? What's with the tears? And bags?"

Hanni had a lot of questions as her eyes tracked all she could see with the girl. This wasn't the typical girl she grew up being best friends with. Minji was the cutest and most gorgeous girl she had ever set eyes on, and with her nice and loving personality, any male or girl would want to be with her. She seldom shows her vulnerable side to anyone other than you and her.

Despite having seen her defenseless before, Minji was rarely so crushed. The last time she saw Minji this devastated, she had to say goodbye to her as they were going to go somewhere else. That recollection went through Hanni's head as she prepared for what was about to happen. 

"Sit down first and explain to me everything. Like everything."

Minji weakly nodded her head as she entered Hanni's residence and took a seat in the living room. Hanni had to place all Minji's stuff near her door and she got irritated that 2 of her luggage was heavy and felt like it was carrying rocks.

"Alright, what's with the stuff Minji?"

Hanni didn't waste time, getting right to the core of the talk. She offered her a glass of water to sip, and Minji moaned. Her shoulder glanced down, which reflects her current sentiments. Minji grabbed her notebook and jotted down the words she needed to say.

"I'm gonna leave..."

Hanni widens her eyes upon seeing the words in her notebook. She knew something bad was going to happen because her stomach was uneasy since morning. And that bad news came from the form of Minji, as she once again will leave.

But unlike before, Minji had a choice to stay or not because she now dictates her life, no longer can her father decide what she needs to do. It's her own free will to choose what's best for her, and it comes down to leaving? It didn't make a single sense.

"Again? But why? I thought everything's already settled with your family? Why are you leaving again?"

Despite considering Minji as a rival, She was still her best friend. So her priority will always be Minji and your number two in her priority list. She also felt like this was unfair on Minji's part.

"I have to help my dad with the business.."

"Bullshit!"

Hanni's words startled Minji as she jumped a bit on her seat. She knew Hanni had some anger issues but they were never pointed at her. But right now, Minji felt like Hanni was drilling a hole in her chest.

"You're gonna leave just like that? You're gonna leave Y/N asking where you'll be and you'll just leave the competition just like that? Aren't you embarrassed of what you're doing Minji!"

Hanni felt her heart crack more than ever seeing her best friend look down in shame. She knew Minji through and through and this was her attitude since the moment they left. Sure her speech impairment could have also affected her ways of viewing everything but this, this was complete surrender of Minji.

"I'm sorry..."

The apology was what all Minji could write as this only made Hanni so angry at her. Whenever she has the chance to live forwards, she always takes 10 step back for the sake of others and watches them shine. Her own selflessness was making Hanni angry because unlike her, She knew she was selfish.

She wanted you for herself and imagined a life with you together. She didn't realize that what she's losing was what she was holding so dear to her. Instead of spending time with Minji, catching up, she was blinded by her love towards her and she has forgotten what is so important between the two of you.

Their friendship

Hanni began to sob realizing how much of a selfish person she has become just because of love and that itself, was her own heartbreak.

Seeing Hanni break down in front of her, Minji couldn't help but shed a tear too as she gave her one warm hug. A hug that was so overdue since the start of their reunion. Their little rivalry was what blinded them from the true love they have.

And that's how much they love each other as best friends.

"Minji, I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry for being so selfish. I'm so sorry for trying to steal your happiness."

Hanni spoke as tears didn't stop flowing down her eyes. Minji saw the brokenness and genuineness in her voice and face as she hugged her again. She knew Hanni did nothing wrong as all she did was love someone. Loving someone never was a crime to begin with.

"Please.. Forgive me Minji."

Hanni looked down with tears, unable to raise her head towards Minji. She felt so terrible by what she has done to the person who has been with her through thick thin. But once again, Minji proved why she was the kindest soul to ever exist.

Lifting her chin up, Minji smiled brightly and showed a note on her notebook with the words..

"I'm sorry too... Can we still be friends?"

It was such a simple question yet Hanni's heart resonated with those words as she jumped into her arms hugging her tight. She has never felt so free after it felt like she was holding onto something so heavy on her chest for such a long time.

Laughter and smiles were now up in the air unlike the heavy tension that was in the room. Although one issue was resolved, another one was still lingering on the head of Hanni.

"So, are you leaving Y/N behind again?"

Hearing your name really breaks Minji's heart even further. Despite coming to a conclusion of leaving everything behind her once again, her heart still screams your name wishing it wouldn't have been this way. Her mind has already settled in that she wasn't the girl that you would choose.

"Minji. When's your flight?"

Minji showed the number 4 on her fingers as her flight was only a couple hours away. Hanni checked her clock, and the small hand indicated the number 2pm while the bigger one pointed at the number 7. She didn't have much time left before she leaves but Hanni had a plan that popped into her head.

"Minji, Trust in me and believe in me. You won't leave with a broken heart."

Minji looked at the girl with a confused face. This was the unpredictability of Hanni that she knew off and sometimes, it can be beneficial for her but sometimes, it wasn't and would usually leave a bad fragment on her memory. So she shook her head because she didn't know what she was completely planning.

"Minji, trust in me okay? I'll make sure you get the happy ending you deserve."

Minji's expression looked shocked yet she also found it amusing to see Hanni so determined. For Hanni, she was Challenging destiny and faith. If the story truly ends here, then she wants to rewrite it.

"Trust in me Minji, I'll show you why I'm the best friend you choose."

Feeling a little entertained with her words, she decided to give all her faith with Hanni as she nodded her head at her. She doesn't know what she's trying to do but all her faith has been given to Hanni. A smile appeared on Minji's face which was all Hanni needed.

.

.

.

"I'm surprised you're the first one to come here Rei."

"Well like the saying goes, the early bird gets the worm."

Sending Rei the same text message from Hanni earlier, you expected Hanni to arrive at the cafe you mention but to your surprised, it was actually Rei who even beat you at arriving first at the cafe.

Taking your seat opposite of her, you felt nervous because this was something very important for you. Your decision and words spoken here will determine what relationship you will have with Rei moving forward. But seeing your anxious self, Rei chuckled as she held your hand startling you a bit.

"Relax okay? I'm here for whatever you wanna say. If it hurts me, It's alright. If it makes me happy, it's alright as well. So just relax."

With those words spoken out of her mouth, she removed her hand on top of you making you sigh. Relaxing your nerves was the best thing to do right now since you have to think a lot of stuff, and you won't be able to think straight if you're overwhelmed.

"Thanks Rei. I needed that."

"No problem."

Taking a deep breath, you decided that perhaps it was better to say the words first with Rei since she's here already. You didn't want to waste time as much as possible because you already want closure to this drama.

"Rei, I just wanna say, you have been such a great friend and I wanna thank you for all that. You showed me what it means to be hopeful and that's something I truly will forever thank you for."

"Yeah."

"And.. Rei, I.."

Just when you have to say the most important part, you collapse and your brain stops you in your tracks. You have never done this with anyone and towards your friend of all people? It's gonna be very difficult and hard to say the words.

You're not sure how you would phrase these words out without looking like a complete fool. So seeing the distress in your face, Rei couldn't help but chuckle at it as she finds it funny. Although it was just a brief second, Seeing Rei laugh and chuckle at you made you at ease and relaxed.

"Rei, I just wanna say, Thank you for admiring me. But I-"

"It's Minji right?"

Even before you can fully give her your answer, Rei already finished it for you. Your heart began to race and your eyes widened upon hearing her words. The stunned face you showed her was enough for Rei to smile knowing she got the pieces right.

"I'm not blind Y/N, I see you look at her everytime me and Hanni make a move on you. Every time we do something towards you, your head and eyes would always look at Minji. Perhaps you denied it before but your heart already knew from the start, am I right?"

You simply nodded at her. She was in fact correct with her claims. Your heart was only searching for Minji the entire time. Your mind just played some fickle games with you and blinded you from what your heart was searching for.

Right from the start, the first person that came towards you was none other than Minji. Despite it being a dream, you can't deny the fact that Minji was still the girl you were searching for.

And Rei noticed it all. Whenever she would make a move onto you, your head and eyes would briefly look at Minji. This pattern continued on and it didn't stop. As painful as it may sound, Rei knew that from the beginning, she already lost the competition.

"Yeah, It's Minji. I'm sorry Rei."

"Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong. That's just how love works. And I just happen to not be the girl you're looking for."

"Rei.."

"Y/N, just as much as you thank me as a friend, I do am thankful to be your friend as well. You brought me to many wonderful memories I will never ever forget. You were my first love. That's something I can always remember and be proud of."

Rei calmly smiled towards you as the heavy burden on your chest felt like it was lifted. The way you breath out a hot hair just feels so right upon hearing what Rei spoke off. As much as your anxiety tried to sell you the idea that Rei would hate you, it ultimately didn't happen because Rei understood that your happiness and love is better enjoyed by the person you truly loved.

BANG

The doors of the cafe splitted in half with a loud thud that made everyone look at the person in the entrance. You turned your head to see a familiar face who looked exhausted and at the same time, worried.

"Y/N! I need you to head to the airport right now!"

Hanni rushed towards you as you looked at her with a little bit of worry. Unlike Rei, who was dressed properly, Hanni looked like she rushed her way towards the cafe. Which she really did.

"Wait, hold on. Why? Why should I go to the airport."

"No time to explain. All you need to know is that She's at Terminal 6, her flight is at exactly 4:30 pm. Run! Go! Now!"

"Wait what about-"

"Yes I know! It's not me!"

Hearing her words made you stare at her for a while, as you noticed the visible pain on her voice when she said those words. Obviously, Hanni had already had enough heartbreak for one day but to say that to the person she loved, it still stings.

"Hanni.."

"I know I'm not the girl you will choose. The right girl is about to leave. So if you truly did love her, this time, you wouldn't let her go."

Her words went straight to shoot right into your heart. Although you have more questions than answers right now, your body began to move right before you can tell you moved. Right now, your heart wants to see one person one last time. And if you're fighting against time, you know every move counts.

As your figure dashed out of the cafe, Rei chuckled, making Hanni turn to face her with a raised eyebrow.

"What's so funny?"

"I just find it hilarious that the two girls that liked him ended up giving him the biggest confidence of his own feelings to the girl he liked. And it wasn't us."

Hanni chuckled before taking your seat from earlier as her legs were tired up from running. Checking her watch, there was only 43 minutes left before Minji board her flight and truly disappear from your life. If traffic didn't happen, she would have warned you earlier about Minji's departure. But it seems faith and destiny really was challenging the two of you.

"Do you think he'll make it in time?"

Rei asked as she handed Hanni your supposed drink. Her question was met with a laugh from Hanni who didn't hesitate to drink first.

"Believe me, He will. He always has that timing anyway."

Rei chuckled before taking a sip from her hot caramel coffee.

"Indeed he has."

.

.

.

You sat anxiously as the taxi hasn't moved from its initial position since arriving on the highway towards the airport. The traffic today was killing you as 20 minutes have elapsed and precious time was being wasted with every second that passed by.

Knowing that the traffic wouldn't move for another hour, you decided to take the road by foot. Even though the airport was at sight, it will still require some time to reach there by foot.

Looking at your wrist, you saw that you only have 17 minutes left before Minji's flight is about to take off. With every ounce left in your body, You started running for your life heading to the airport. You didn't care if people were looking at you as if you were running away from something.

Meanwhile, Minji sat anxiously at her seat waiting for the gates to open to her plane. Trusting the words of Hanni, she believed in her and waited for something to happen but as the time of her plane got closer and closer, her confidence in Hanni began to shrink as well. The chocolate she packed and the drink she bought earlier was already empty and this anticipation made her stomach grumble in distress. She was beginning to get anxious if something were even gonna happen.

As the loud voices in the intercom continued to announce flights, Minji continued to look around as the giant LED TV showed her plane had just arrived and nobody familiar had caught up to her. Perhaps Hanni's words were just words of encouragement as a coat to her sadness that she soon will be filling.

Clutching onto her passport and plane ticket, the gate for her plane had finally opened as she sighed and took one last look at the door knowing she had made memories that she will forever cherish despite it only being short.

"Sir, Where's terminal 6?"

"At the east wing of the building upper floor 3rd."

Hearing the words of the security, you rushed inside the airport seeing so many people with luggage. Finding Minji with this many people was gonna be hard. Nonetheless, despite your legs burning up, you still have one last push and time wasn't at your side because.

You only have 3 minutes left before Minji's flight.

Following the words of the guard security, you pushed past the people on the escalator bumping into people and apologizing along the way. But after that escalator, was a long and spacious hallway with so many people around. It was so hard to find one bunny at this place.

Nonetheless, you dashed through the crowd with time ticking leaving you with less time left on the clock. Your eyes were on look for the number 6 that was hanging on the giant lamp post like. And as your vision gets from 1 to 5, the final number was 6 but even before you can reach number 6, airport security stopped you as one tackled you to the ground gripping your hands and legs making you immobile.

"Stop. You have caused enough chaos in the airport young man."

The large man spoke as he towers above your body. Despite having two guys pin you to the ground, you still managed to move your arm a bit and saw how much time was left and it only had 30 seconds left. It also didn't help that people at the departure lounge in Terminal 6 are suddenly standing up and leaving as the gate has opened up.

"Please let me go. I need to see her one last time sir."

"Sorry Young man, but you have caused some issues here in the airport with your constant running. You have made people mad about-"

"Let this man go right now!"

A booming voice from behind made the security team frozen shut on their feet. It was such a demanding female voice as your hand and legs suddenly were freed from the strong grip of the security. So standing up you looked behind you and saw a familiar person walking towards you.

"Miss Kim Chaewon?! What.. Huh?"

Chaewon smiled cutely towards you before giving you a wink.

"Just doing Felix a favor. Now Go and catch her tiger!"

You could only nod your head at her because that would save you a few seconds to catch up to her at the entrance of the gate. But as you nearing the gate doors, your legs have collapsed from all the running and it just gave up on you. You fell down with your hand trying to extend to stop the gate from closing.

You watch in horror as the glass door closes right in front of you. With just a few inches left, your watch had alarmed you that it had struck 4:30pm and Minji's flight was inevitable.

All that chasing and running, only for it to end in this way. Your heart begins to tear itself apart as the reality has set in for you.

You let Minji leave once again.

For the 2nd time in your life, you just saw and watched Minji leave your life with you doing nothing to stop it. The circumstances may have changed but history once again repeated itself.

"GOD DAMN IT!"

You shouted, slamming your hand against the concrete floor. Tears welled up in your eyes, the pain of failure washed over you like a tidal wave, leaving you feeling helpless and alone.

Regret started to kick in for you as you couldn't help but replay every moment leading up to this devastating conclusion - moments when you could have moved faster, made better decisions, or simply paid more attention to the time.

You had promised yourself that you wouldn't miss another chance to see her after that painful separation 5 years ago. But here you are, laying on the floor, alone in the cold large spacious area, watching helplessly as the love of your life slipped away once again.

Perhaps Minji just isn't reachable for you.

Out of nowhere, a pair of warm familiar arms engulfed you in a hug as it immediately calmed your shaking frame. It felt like time had stopped when you realized who's pair of arms they were.

"Minji? Is that you?"

Without even answering you, you felt your shirt getting soaked in her tears as you heard her voice crying for you. For the first time in forever, you heard Minji's voice and it was a painful cry towards you. Your heart ached at that thought but you immediately brushed that off as the girl you have been looking for stayed.

Pushing through the pain in your legs, you kneeled down and turned to face her and there, you saw that angelic face you wished to see since the day started. Her tears were falling down her cheeks as you cupped them wiping it clean but Minji held your hand as you cupped them. It felt like the world stopped spinning and was watching the two of you share this special moment together.

"Minji, You stayed.."

All Minji could do was nod her head as she continued to sob and state at you lovingly. Your heart was calling out for her and to see her this devastated really made you want to give the world to her. And you wanted her to feel like she is your WORLD, so you had to do what you wanted to do to express your love for her.

You kissed her.

Minji widened her eyes in surprise when she felt a pair of warm lips connect on her own. She didn't realize that You had leaned forward and pressed her lips against hers. The kiss was tender yet urgent, filled with the emotions they both had been struggling to express.

For a moment, everything else seemed to fade away as your hearts connected through this intimate gesture. When the two of you finally parted, both were breathing heavily, your eyes locked in a gaze that spoke volumes about the depth of emotions bottled inside your hearts.

Minji smiled through her tears, resting her forehead against yours and letting out a heartfelt chuckle. You returned the gesture by a wonderful smile that was full of love and genuine admiration for her. It felt so wonderful knowing that Love prevailed between you two and this time, History didn’t repeat itself anymore.

As Chaewon went to check on you, what she saw was a sight of you being helped up by Minji as she became your support to walk as your legs still felt numb from all that running earlier. Chaewon smiled happily knowing she had done something for Felix, a fan she had fallen for too.

"Say Minji, did you really leave your flight?"

You asked her genuinely as Minji looked down and started writing on her small notepad that was around her neck. That was very convenient for her since she's traveling and it's easy to use and write on.

"Yes and no."

That answer confused you as you looked at her with confused eyebrows.

"What do you mean Yes and no?"

"My stomach was in distress so I had to take a number 2. I think the chocolate I ate and the drink contradicted each other. And after I was finally done, I rushed to the gate. But then I saw you and my heart just wanted to be with you so I immediately ran towards you."

You laughed at her explanation because it was an accident that she managed to miss her flight. But at the same time you couldn't help but feel like destiny and faith had planned this because cupid gave you a chance to make up for her.

"I guess you can call that faith huh? Honey~"

Your words caught her off guard as she turned red in an instant as she looked away trying to hide the smile that was forming on her face. Your heart couldn't help but feel at ease knowing the girl you wanted and loved is with you and no more trials will be set for you.

This time, you'll make the best out of the chapters in your life with Minji. 5 years of affection was needed and you wanted to start right now.

So pulling yourself away from her, you hand held intertwining with her own. Minji's cheeks turned red as she looked at you surprised but she can't deny her heart beating so happily with your gesture. But the words that you spoke next made her heart explode in pure bliss.

"I love you Minji."

Despite not being able to speak, she returned your gesture by pulling herself closer to you, placing her arms around your neck and kissing your lips full of love and admiration. All the years of just being able to hug you and be clingy to you has finally paid off as she can finally kiss you freely as she was yours. Her dream had been achieved.

She was finally your girlfriend.

Pulling away, both of you smiled knowing that a new chapter had just opened in the book of your lives. A chapter full of love, sadness, laughter and understanding that will soon change to memories to look back into the future. But right now, the present is what's the most valuable right now.

Grabbing her notepad, she reciprocated her feelings for you by confirming what she said about you.

"I love you more Honey~"

.

.

.

[meowzfordayz]

how they speak up for you — mitsuri, shinobu, kyojuro, sanemi, muichiro

Author’s Note: short and sweet, and hopefully a lil funny too. 😆

how they speak up for you — mitsuri, shinobu, kyojuro, sanemi, muichiro

Kanroji Mitsuri x Reader, Kocho Shinobu x Reader, Rengoku Kyojuro x Reader, Shinazugawa Sanemi x Reader, Tokito Muichiro x Reader

Word Count: ~800

CW: explicit language, mild sexual content

Emergency Request Fulfilled: could you write comfort for when Their S/o like absolutely hates speaking up for themselves, like someone could be walking all over them and they'd be like "Oh, its fine" bc conflict= worst enemy? I would like to request Muichiro (love him sm) and Sanemi if that's okay, and the rest you can decide (-if you want to add more.)

~faqs~

Mitsuri will be all over the situation (in a good way, ofc 😌)

“Baby, didn’t you want your drink hot?” —> she’s already staring daggers at the barista who made your drink 😒

“Hm?”

You do your best to conceal the pinch of your eyebrows, as well as the goosebumps raising on your arms 🥶

“I thought cold drinks made you cold, and you don’t like being cold?”

… “Hm?”

She’s not buying your nonchalance 🙃

“That’s it.” Uh oh. “I’m getting you your drink made right.”

😳🫣🫠

“Nonono, Mitsuri, it’s fiiine.” 😭

Arms crossed, her lips purse, eyes narrowed as you weakly grin and take a big sip 😄

“If you won’t let me get you another one, then at least wear my sweater?”

🤯 “Okay!” 🤭

So maybe she’s wearing a cropped tank top underneath — you’re only a mere mortal after all 

— #oops my thirst made an appearance 😅

Short girlfriend = scary girlfriend

And that’s a compliment 😎

Shinobu doesn’t need height, bulk, or a dick to defend you

Her scathing tongue and unnerving stare are plenty

Not to mention, she’ll go full Karen if need be, but the more eloquent, calculating, deceptively sweet version 😌

She can make anyone feel like a complete idiot in 2-3 sentences, give or take 

Which does include you, but you don’t argue too often 😅

Basically:

It’s highkey hot when she speaks up for you 🤭

But it may or may not make you cry when her sharpness is directed toward you 🥲

Fortunately, you in distress is also one of few things that immediately softens her — at least, when she’s the reason for it 🥺

Kyojuro always tries to solve your problems for you

Not bc he thinks you’re incapable, and not w/o your expressed consent/prior communication

But he just hates seeing you unhappy, uncomfortable, unsafe — really anything that isn’t grinning and laughing

He understands there’s a time and place for more difficult and painful emotions, but why on earth wouldn’t he go out of his way to ensure those times and places are as few and far between as possible????? 🤨

So, obvi, he more than willingly goes out of his way ☺️

“Do you want me to say something?” his quiet breath warms your ear, softening the frustration growing in your chest

“I dunno,” you sigh, gesturing hopelessly at the person who’d just cut you in line, “We’re all going to the same place anyway.”

“True,” he shrugs, “But that was quite rude and noticeable of them.”

“Do you want to say something?” you tease, elbowing his side with amused fondness

“Not if it discomforts you.”

“It wouldn’t discomfort me,” you mumble, cheeks darkening nonetheless, “You’re so cute.”

Albeit, you aren’t sure whether to feel proud or embarrassed when he somehow intimidates the person who cut you into leaving altogether 😅

On one hand, you know Sanemi has your back ☺️

On the other hand, you aren’t 100% positive that that’s a good thing 😬

“I swear, does that bitch even know I exist?!” 😤

… 🫣

“I bet she doesn’t! Otherwise she wouldn’t dare treat you like-” 😤

“And this is why she doesn’t know you exist.” 🥲

“Pardon?” 😐

“Sanemi, I love you, and I so appreciate how ready to go to war you are for me, but-”

“Ooh darling, you have no idea. Go to war? I will be the war for you.” 😤

“So sweet,” your eyes roll, “How about you just let me handle it?”

“And how are you handling it?” he scoffs, “With smiley face emojis?” 🙄

…

“You deserve kindness and honesty. Not her manipulative bitch shit.”

“I’ll block her.”

“You what?!” 😳

“Would that suffice?” 😅

“Actually… yeah.” Sanemi is very surprised. Gushing now, “I’m so fucking proud of you.” 🥰

It’s kind of alarming when Muichiro speaks up for you

Bc you get a faint taste of what he was like before he’d really opened up to love 😕

And that Tokito Muichiro is sharp and cold as steel w/ a -139% tolerance for bullshit

Impossible to impress 😬

But your Muichiro hugs you when you’re feeling low, rests his chin on your shoulder while you do your best to draft a stern, confident text msg to your asshole “friend”, and is more than happy to tell you what he would do were he in your shoes

… you usually ignore his advice 😅

Buuut sometimes he reaches over and hits SEND before you can stop him 🫠

“MUI! I was going to delete some of that!” 😭

“Nah, it’s great as is.” 😎

[bigwishes]

I’m sick and tired of the asian stereotypes. Others keep saying that we’re small, short, weak, polite, smart, sexually repressive, submissive and so many more. Can you make me a complete opposite of what people expect from an Asian man as a hypersexualised, hyper grown and hyper masculine piece of bull meat?

I definitely think I can help with that. It sucks when people press assumptions on you, especially if you don't like the assumptions they make so I think its time we shake up your life to make sure the worlds sees you for how you want to be seen.

First lets start with your first wish, to be hypersexualised. I'm sure you already have an obsession for mega muscled beef cakes with little to no brains but lets turn that obsession up to eleven. You find that whenever you see a buff meat head you are instantly hard, and everyone else will notice it too with a new 15 inch dick, but lets not stop there. Once you get hard your body will almost instantly go on auto pilot as you cant help yourself but rub your dick through your pants, adjusting it, sometimes even straight up soft core jerking off in the middle of the gym. An alpha sex and masturbation addict. You just can't help yourself no matter what you try once you get hard you are forced to cum. Trying to ignore it just makes it worse as you'll get so hard and pent up it will almost be painful and your dick will be forced to leak pre until you give it the attention it demands, and you'll need to take care of it at least twelve times a day or else risk immediately cumming in your pants as soon as you get even slightly turned on.

Second, the hyper grown part of your wish. One of my favourites, there is no such thing as too big and you've got no other choice to agree. There is no going back now. We could just go and make you have to wear 4XL shirts and and baggy work out shorts but honestly dudes like that art still too small for my taste.

You find every inch of yourself growing, You slowly get taller and taller until you stand at a freakishly tall 8ft, your already muscled arms swell with extreme size as you feel your biceps and triceps start to compete for space with your over grown chest and lats. The sound of tearing fabric fills the room as you thighs inflate into thick muscled tree trunks. You watch as your feet burst out of your sneakers. Your underwear feels strange and rubbery as it begins to stretch, and you feel your ass get bigger by the second and the fabric of your new rubbery underwear ride up giving you a uncomfortable roid wedgie.

The thing about wanting to be Hyper-Grown means you dwarf even the biggest bodybuilders but a body like that has its limits. 8ft tall and over 500 pounds of muscle the only thing you can wear is uncomfortably tight stage posers.

and leggings so tight it feels like its crushing your dick.

If you want to get naked it'll take a good fifteen to twenty minutes of struggling and wrestling with the skin tight fabric and your extreme size just to get it off yourself.

and now for the final stage of your transformation Hyper masculinity. Say goodbye to clear communication dude as a majority of your vocabulary has been replaced with grunts, groans and moans. You spend more time grunting than speaking some people might mistake you for a cave man. Your blood also boils at the drop of a hat, any guy who even makes a joke about your freakish size you take as a personal challenge, stumping up to him and pressing him against the wall and your roided out body.

Your body starts to sweat, and a raw masculine stench fills the air around you. Even if you cared about washing the sweat off your body it wouldn't work anymore. You love how bad you reek, you love how your stench and sweat communicates to weaker men that you are a fucking beast. You don't clean any machine at the gym after using it, you leave a disgusting sweat puddle over everything like marking your territory.

Your mind starts to feel empty, like you have forgotten how to think, the only things that you seem to remember is you love muscle, getting bigger, flexing, your own sweat and jerking off. Even when dominating a guy smaller than you, you can't help but check yourself out in the mirror and love how big you are and how much bigger you're gonna force yourself to become.

Your head being so empty now means your personality has devolved into nothing more but the word bro, grunting and giggling like a typical gym bro.

But that hyper masculinity you wished for keeps that happy go lucky attitude in check as the slightly thing can set you off and make you go on a roided out rampage.

There we go, all your wishes granted, nobody will ever look at you and think of the typical Asian stereotypes ever again.

Unfortunately I can't stop people from assuming you are nothing more than a stupid sweaty roid bull, but honestly how far away from the truth is that.

[klaraslevi]

Levi and the most irrelevant topics about his character

I have been seeing so much discourse in the fandom lately so I wanted to clear a few things up. I think Levi and his great character gets lost in all the pointless discourse.

His sexuality

Oh boy, you people make me irritated with this one. It was never confirmed or brought up simply because it doesn't matter, it is irrelevant as it gets especially for a character like Levi.

One thing I see poeple often bring up a is an "interview" where Isayama supposedly says that Levi like tall people and I would like to make one thing clear, that is an answer with no written down evidence or an actual translation. There is a version where Isayama says "does he like women?" And then there is another version which says "the type of women he likes?" Among 30 other translations and some fans saying that this was never even said, you cannot take this as canon, let alone give someone a screenshot from a random article online to convince people into your headcanons. This interview, be it fake or not, is not canon evidence and shouldn't be taken so seriously. In canon? Levi showed no interest in either genders. Using offical art as evidence that he is straight or gay based on way he is sitting standing or how he dresses is the dumbest thing ever and I don't even think I have to tell you why.

Bottom line: Levi has no confirmed sexuality, he could be straight, bi, gay, pan, ace etc. It is irrelevant to his character and wouldn't change a thing about him. You're free to headcanon Levi as you like just don't push it onto canon when none of us know and quite frankly, shouldn't care that much about it.

Ship wars/ships/Levi's love interest

Again, another topic that people take way too seriously. Ship wars for Levi shouldn't even exist but he is among the most popular anime characters so I suppose naturally they will. Levi doesn't have a canon love interest and no matter how much some push thier ships into canon, it won't change that fact. The shipping fandom is having fun most of the time and you actually going into thier spaces to hate on them is stupid.

Shipping community is huge and most poeple are having fun. You cannot group a whole shipping fandom into the toxic bunch which I see so many poeple do. No Eruri's, Levihan's, Rivetra's, self interests etc. aren't all bad because you saw one toxic fan send hate to people who don't ship or ship a certain pairing. People seem to forget that the person they are attacking over FICTIONAL CHARACTERS is an actual person, with hobbies and emotions. Sending someone death threats or hat over a ship they ship or don't ship makes you an asshole and shouldn't be a thing.

Fun fact: Japanese fandom has a name for poeple discussing Levi and his love life. They call it "landmine" because it's so irrelevant and poeple get so worked up over who he should/shouldn't be with rather than just acknowledging the story and his character for what it is.

Bottom line: Levi has no canon ship or a love interest. Headcanons are fine and having an opinion is too but pushing it onto canon and hating on poeple because of ships is not a way to go.

The sub or dom debate

Do I even have to explain to poeple why this is stupid?

It's mostly discourse around Levi x reader writers on here and other platforms. I am a Levi x reader writer, I have a separate blog for that but as I said many times before, those things are just my little fantasies and I never push those into Levi and his actual character. I see so many get worked up when someone sees Levi as a Dom or a sub and someone doesn't agree. This is fanfiction, it is not an analysis on his character. We don't know how Levi is during sex or if he even had sex in the first place and the fact that people actually get so worked up over it is ridiculous. This is super irrelevant, has zero baring on Levi and his decisions in canon. I have my headcanon, we all do but let's not pretend like we actually know anything about Levi in this context because we don't and it's the last thing we should focus on. None us are right, it is not that deep that someone sees Levi as a sub while you see him a Dom, trust me, this shouldn't be in discussion, it had nothing to do with canon. And who even actually cares? How does this affect Levi?

__________________________________________

Levi is a great and complex character, the fact that people let all his qualities get lost in such discourses is upsetting. We can't decide these things because we emotionally attached ourselves to a headcanon or a ship. Levi is not something because you "feel" he is, remember facts over feelings. Worrying about these irrelevant things makes Levi's character get lost in pointless and never ending debates.

[corvidcrossbow]

Since I made a post about Mother's Day w/ Daryl, I gotta make a Father's Day one too.

For obvious reasons, he didn't like Father's Day (me neither Daryl). It felt insulting to see people celebrating their dads, felt so forced and unfair, stupid even. How come other people got to have fathers who were there for them and cared for them while he didn't? What made him undeserving of that? (Mother's Day was already hard enough when he was young, sitting in class and nearly trembling from how hard he was straining himself to not cry while those around him made cards and talked about their plans for the weekend with their moms) So he tried to push the existence of the holiday out of his mind.

Fatherhood was never something he pictured. Even when the hypothetical idea of kids crossed his mind, he was sure it would never be plausible: he'd just follow footsteps and end up some doped up abusive deadbeat as well. Although he never pictured an apocalypse with the undead either, and that pushed the idea of fatherhood even further into a realm of impossibility.

So both those happening, and someone as perfect as you being directly involved in it, was leagues outside his imagination.

The first Father's Day after your child was born was rough. He enjoyed how the collapse of society made people lose track of the dates, too occupied with survival to care about minor things like this. But with the stability Alexandria provided, over time celebrations reintegrated into routines, this included, and he was not fond of the reminder.

He didn't mention the day at all leading up to it, or of, continuing his ignorance and hoping it'd slip your mind. He knew it wouldn't: you were too attentive and appreciative of him to miss any excuse to celebrate and congratulate him no matter the context.

But you threaded lightly, knowing it'd be touchy and let most the day pass by as any other would, just being extra sweet on him. You never wished him a ‘Happy Father's Day’, instead when you were going to bed that night thanking him for being a father, for everything he did for you and your daughter and how good he was at it.

He ended up just breaking down, falling apart in your hold and attempting to bury himself in you the same way he tried to bury so much else.

The next couple years were largely similar; little acknowledgement to the day, but extra acknowledgements to him. It was your daughter that started to make it more distinctive. A little older now, she saw the other kids in the community making little gifts and cards for their fathers the same way they did for mothers on the respective day. Even those who didn't have dads made them in memoriam.

So of course she did it too, she loved her daddy and did those things all the time anyway. Why not do it when it's even more special? She didn't even tell you about it, secretly assembling it all herself.

You shared Daryl's surprise when she presented her crafts, repeatedly saying the token phrase you'd held off from using. He was mostly frozen for a moment, trying to just see her and this singular day rather than previous decades of Father's Day's that came before, all negatively tinted and crossed out from his personal calendar.

He accepted it all, and her innocent recognition of the holiday's purpose. Though the urge flared up in some part of him, he couldn't shut her down. She meant well, and wasn't to blame for his rocky relationship with the day and his own father. He wouldn't create reason for her to despise the holiday too, and how could be cold to the human embodiment of sunshine while her toothy smile was beaming at him?

He put her to bed that evening, spending an extra while stroking her hair and admiring how peaceful she looked while sleeping. Despite the state of the world, she had the privilege to not only sleep, but feel safe while doing so. And he's what allowed that; gave her that.

She got to feel safe from all the horrors he'd seen: the walkers, blood, guts, violence, death, immorality, all the disturbing things about life that were amplified by the apocalypse.

But more importantly, she felt safe with him.

She got to excitedly jump on him while he was still asleep in the morning, roll around and shake him till he finally got up. She got to play with him in the dirt while out in the yard, or sit him down with jewelry and accessories surrounded by stuffed animals and toy dinnerware. She got to chase him around and bombard him with curious questions and learn everything she could from him.

She got to make messes and break things, make mistakes, and know he'd always help her clean or fix them.

She got to show her emotions and be a kid and cry, and know he would always hold and soothe her, wipe away her tears and do anything to make sure she was okay.

And she never knew a different response. She never knew the yelling or insults, the degradation, the mockery, the beatings and burnings and whippings. She got to fall asleep by her father's side, lulled to rest by his comforting voice, be in the most vulnerable state a person could be, and know that the last thing he would ever do was hurt her; the idea – the worry – of him hurting her did not exist in her mind.

Daryl'd crumbled to tears by the time he returned to you that night, collapsing into your arms the way he did every time the reality of being a parent hit him. He would never truly understand how he got to this point in life, how every unfathomable thing – good and bad – had genuinely occurred and this is what was real.

From the instant you found out you were pregnant, he'd promised you, promised himself, and promised his child he would always be the father he'd wanted, that he'd deserved, that his kid deserved and that every child deserves. He healed his own childhood by assuring his daughter'd have a good one, and that he'd be regarded as a good part of it.

She made Father's Day something that could actually be ‘happy’ for him.

The daddy issues hit a little too hard while writing this

I fr don't know where the last week of my life went I just remember watching Lost 🗿

[froznwater]

im so sorry this is incredibly random but if i dont write alenoah i WILL die but i cant think of anything to write. do u have any simple ideas. ignore if not

HI!!! tysm for your ask <3 i hope you can find something to write amongst all the ideas. These are a bunch of ideas have written down in my notes/google drive/tumblr posts and have not got gotten around to. I still might at some point in time but feel free to use them. I will still do my own take if I get the time/motivation. There's simply so many, why not share and inspire some fics :)

----

General ideas:

Noah knows/learns spanish. Bonus points if Alejandro isn't aware until the perfect moment.

Alejandro thinks he can get away with flirting with Noah in spanish. Noah starts shit talking in spanish. Noah learns so he can hear all the little comments Alejandro keeps making under his breath. etc. so many possibilities.

Now that the show is over and Noah's off to college, he realizes he’s missing something in his life. Maybe it’s his friends, maybe it’s a lack of ever-looming danger, OR maybe it’s Alejandro. Who fucking knows. He’s too busy trying not to be in love with Alejandro to figure it out. 

Their group project is failing, horribly. There’s one thing Noah knows for certain: Alejandro's to blame. At what point does slippery eel turn into a term of endearment?

They have never ever fallen asleep next to each other. Let alone in each other's arms. Never.

Time loop where Alejandro is stuck on the episode where Noah gets voted out and sticks himself to falling in love because he can’t let go of his pride long enough to simply let Noah stay in the game and move on.

Noah loses his contacts and starts wearing his glasses more often. Alejandro notices. Everyone notices Alejandro notices.

Alejandro and Noah team up to get their friends together (insert whatever ship you like) and end up together in the process/the other two were trying to do the same thing for them.

A commentary timeline on how Alejandro's charisma turn into exploitation, how Noah's patience turned into indifference, and how they parallel each other. (I've written a few hundred words for this one lol.)

Each thinks the other doesn't like them. Cut to third party POV that watches and witnesses them completely a mess for each other.

Noah, once voted out in I See London, learns about Alejandro's family. Who have been very vocal since the show started airing.

Exploration of how Alejandro tries really really hard. Yes, He's at the top of the class, but so is Noah. Noah who sleeps through classes and doesn't turn in homework and shows up late or simply not at all and is still right up there with him.

“I would kill to be like you. To just absorb all the information fed to me. If I were you I might actually- “(beat my brother) “Might actually what?” “I told you. I don’t want to talk about it, Noah.” - "Do you know how long I studied for that test? Hours. And you- You got a 96 with no effort at all." It was a 98. But this seems like a bad time to correct him.

Dialogue one-liners prompts i've written down:

"If we make it out of this alive, I'm going to kiss you."

“Why do I feel like I cant say no to you?”

"I know you don't actually care about me, but thank you for trying to pretend that you do." (Said by Noah is joking. Said by Alejandro is bitter.)

"You can't win against someone who has nothing to lose."(Alejandro OR Noah angst.)

Soulmate aus:

My big two: Telepathy/Mentally linked.(imagine this one as a wt rewrite omg) And Whatever you draw on yourself shows up on your soulmate. Matching tattoos.

First words on each other. (I've done this one already here. but feel free to do it as well!!)

Communicating through dreams. (If you know cardcaptor sakura; like that.)

General AUs:

Until dawn AU.

Gakuen Alice AU.

My Babysitters A Vampire AU. Zombie Apoc AU.

Harry Potter AU. Reality Dating Show AU.

Infinity Train AU!!!!!!

Veronica Mars AU!!!! (i wanna do this one ALOT noah is sooo veronica LMAO) OBLIGATORY IDEAS:

seven minutes in heaven.

wrong number.

trapped in a closet.

movie night. noah is sitting under alejandro and lol they are physically, platonically touching for awhile. (leads to finally getting together).

one gets injured, the other fixes them up in the nurses office :P.

short "prompt-ishs" i've started writing:

“What the hell is your problem, Alejandro?” And this time, the tone was so disgusted, so bitter, that something snapped, deep in Alejandro’s chest.

Fuck it.

“What’s my problem?” He asked, incredulous. “What’s my problem? You’ve got to be kidding me, Courtney. I almost died. I almost died, paralyzed and alone, and the only friend I thought I had didn’t give a single shit! The only person who cared was Noah, of all people. I quite literally come back to life and the only thing you can do is whine about your girlfriend problems.”

Courtney takes a step back.

“I was stuck in a robot for months, my legs barely work, my family moved on- actually, I don’t know if they ever actually even noticed,” He laughs, broken, “- and you have the audacity to ask me what my problem is?!”

Alejandro is over playing nice. He’s had enough.

-

this one is a rivals team up to get out courtney blurb

little idea about Alejandro getting into zodiacs.

moments where alejandro questions why Noah is so attractive

-

SEND MORE ASKS IF ANYONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS ON ANY OF THESE IDEAS!!! / IF THEY HAVE ANY IDEAS OR CONCEPTS TO ADD OR EXPAND ON :)))

[jeffstormer]

On Awards, and the Grief (and Growth) of Giving Up

I made a big life decision at the start of this year I want to unpack here today, for obvious reasons.

As of this year, I made the decision to formally stop submitting my work for any kind of award, event, or industry recognition tied exclusively to a public/fan vote. Further, I would not ask others to submit on my behalf, and would go so far as to ask people not to do so. I'd like to talk about why I made that call and what it means to me.

Before I do, a necessary disclaimer: No shade whatsoever to those who do submit to those kinds of awards, and campaign for those kinds of awards. I recognize the market value in that kind of thing; the personal validation that comes from a group of people announcing you as the best. I see that all, and I'm proud of you for earning that recognition. This is strictly one person's opinion.

With that said, why did I make that call?

The truth is, from the moment I entered the tabletop industry, winning an ENnie was, to me, the benchmark of success. It was the sign that I was good at this. I let it define my relationship to my art. I couldn't stop, couldn't be satisfied, until I held that trophy.

So, every year, I would submit, and every year, I'd fall short, and every year, I'd be crushed.

At times, I could look at the list of nominees and winners and feel confident that we didn't have a chance. Other times, I didn't feel that way. But I was always viewing my work in competition, which warped how I perceived art on the whole.

Eventually, I came to the realization: it's not going to happen, and all aspiring to this platform is going to accomplish is "making me jealous of my peers instead of feeling in community with them." To find real satisfaction with the work, it can't be through that kind of mechanism.

Which is to say: I gave up. I acknowledged "my work is never going to be the kind of beloved that puts me on that pedestal, so all I am doing is setting myself up for disappointment. Better to be personally proud of something, and recognize the contributions made in other ways, than to hold yourself in a system that grinds you down year after year.

There's no shame in admitting you're giving up in something. Sometimes, things are meant to be failures. Sometimes, your best will never be good enough. I can recognize the ways in which my work is special (we hold a world record in Actual Play that will, frankly, likely never be topped, maybe not ever in my lifetime at least), without holding myself accountable to a standard that frankly, doesn't apply to the kind of art I make.

That said, there's also a grief in admitting that.

It's an acknowledgment that, on some level, the goal that I set for myself was a failure. That awards I have previously wanted to win are permanently out of my grasp, that I have failed to achieve a goal. That I, on a very literal level, wasn't good enough to do the thing.

And that's tough. Moreso on some days than others.

But, in spite of it all, I feel great about this decision. I feel like I made the right decision for myself, my work, and my trajectory as an artist.

It has been a profoundly difficult year for me, 2024. For personal reasons I cannot get into publicly. For professional reasons I've spoken about elsewhere (feeling increasingly isolated from Actual Play as an artistic community and industry).

But in this one area--claiming my own satisfaction of the work and using that to guide my own way forward--I am content.

[allyriadayne]

the play between louis / claudia / madeleine is so interesting because you have a louis resentful and angry that claudia found someone OUTSIDE of him to be her companion. someone he doesn't know, "a stranger" but someone he Feels and Knows in a deeper level for being her maker. and he just got armand.

he could never be claudia's true companion because he kept putting her in this tight boxes: daughter, sister. never allowing himself, or her! anything beyond for fear of his own desires. "thank you for never treating me like a child". pointed!!!!

it's just so obvious how the incestuous undertones in claudia and louis' relationship are wanting to burst through, especially from louis' side. claudia wants community and companionship, long ago accepting her sexual desires will go unfulfilled due to what louis did to her through lestat.

louis wants to be (but doesn't allow himself to be) claudia's louis but claudia doesn't want to be louis' lestat. which causes much friction between them. ep 2 with claudia saying "I suppose I'm afraid my joylessness will take away his happiness and maybe I don't want his feelings".

so he makes sure he comes on top of claudia's only meaningful connections in paris while pushing claudia away at every change he gets because armand's boring!

but when it's too late, claudia has already found a true companion who sees her and might love her better than louis ever did. it's when louis watches through madeleine's memories how differente her love is for claudia that he admits he can't be what claudia wanted.

then madeleine is to claudia and louis what claudia was to louis and lestat. sexual and romantic interloper, a band aid for a shitty marriage!

he gives madeleine to claudia because he finally understands he can't fulfill her needs in any way. sex is killing and killing is sex! textbook anne rice! and louis is. gay.

he doesn't want to let her go. it's like SHE owes him to stay with him. after him indirectly turning her and giving her a home, after lestat, after dragging him through europe. and now she wants to leave? when he can't leave armand? he's too into the role of louis the pimp to grant claudia her independence.

[elucienweekofficial]

Elucien Fanfic Crossword Answer Key- Multi Chapter In Canon

How did you do? It's our hope through this week of puzzles that folks are able to find an existing fanfiction that speaks to them! Consider these a small masterlist filled with recommendations from the community itself. Below you'll find every fanfiction recommended attached to the author who created it, added in the order they were submitted! Fics were also categorized to their best of our ability. Check them out below!

Dear Lucien, Dear Elain by @crazy-ache & @zenkindoflove

“Perhaps you can speak them to me, if you so wish. I apologize if that is too forward, but I yearn to know you beyond simple pleasantries. Yours truly, Lucien P.S. My lady, your secrets are always safe with me.”

Epistolary (adj., of a literary work) in the form of letters. After the winter solstice in ACOSF, Elain and Lucien exchange letters as a means to get to know each other away from prying eyes. This fic is a collection of those letters.

Future Rust and Future Dust by @areyoudreaminof

While Elain and Lucien have settled into their relationship in the mortal lands, time is running out for Vassa. When Koschei comes for the firebird queen, he also wants his payment. Meanwhile, Beron Vanserra has worked with the Mortal Queens and Koschei for power in Prythian. Amid war and magic, can Koschei and Beron be defeated?

The Sun Rises by @starry-mantle

Fate has tied their souls together; now they just need to get to know each other. (Post-ACOWAR Elucien fic, rated for future chapters.)

All You Have Is Your Fire by @clockwork-ashes

'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' For the briefest of moments, Lucien wondered if his mate would know exactly when his heart’s steady rhythm came to a sudden stop.

Elain goes to the Autumn Court demanding an audience with the High Lord to save the mate she can barely stand to be in the same room with. She ends up having to stay much longer than she bargained for.

Burn Forever With Me by @zenkindoflove

End of ACOSF. After Feyre's traumatic birth, Elain writes to Lucien seeking comfort and company. She soon realizes that opening up to him in letters is much easier without her family's constant presence. But how long can she keep falling for Lucien a secret?

Call It What You Want To by @separatist-apologist

I brought a knife to a gun fight. They took the crown but it's alright.

Elain has spent three years in Night Court trying to find the same belonging her sisters have found with little success. When she looks in the mirror, all she can see are pieces of the person she once was. She's looking for a way out. Lucien spends more time away in the mortal lands than he does in Night Court, unable to stand looking at Elain, the mate he didn't want and, in turn, is so terrified of him she shrinks in his presence. Keeping distance makes the bond bearable, though after three years, he's ready for her to reject it and let him move on.

Enter Helion, High Lord of Day Court. Realizing Elain is looking for something more, Helion offers her an opportunity she can't pass up and a reason for Lucien to stick around for longer than a day. Helion has more up his sleeve than just a little matchmaking, and his actions have far reaching consequences for everyone in Pyrthian.

In The Darkness Before the Dawn, Leave a Light On by @infinitefolklore

Elain is sent to the Mortal Lands to live with Lucien, Jurian, and Vassa to work on her Seer abilities, find a way to break Vassa's curse, and try to discover information about Koschei. Elain and Lucien are forced to live and work together, and get to know one another along the way.

Never Not Mine by @separatist-apologist

Elain Archeron has been betrothed to the seventh born son of Autumn for as long as she can remember. With her family's reputation in the balance, Elain is resigned to her fate.

That doesn't mean she has to like it...or that she has to make it easy for him.

Found In the Sunlight by @cauldronblssd

Elain and Lucien have spent the past several years politely avoiding each other. When Elain has a vision about Lucien becoming the High Lord of Autumn, she agrees to accept the mating bond to a male that she hardly knows. Bound by the bond and a couple unexpected bargains, the newly mated couple form an alliance.

Turning Saints Into The Sea by @ataraxiasflame

Elain Archeron overhears a conversation between Lucien and Rhysand late one night that results in an unexpected emotional reaction. Her mate, Lucien Vanserra tried to resign as emissary to the Night Court, and she suspects the human queen may be responsible.

Despite being at odds with one another, Elain and Lucien discover that forces beyond their control now require their cooperation with each other. When Rhysand sends the reluctant mates on a mission together, they are finally forced to acknowledge the bond forced upon them both.

Phoenix Rising by @annaskareninas

It has been twenty-five years since Elain Archeron was Made fae. Ten years since the death of her husband and the love of her life, Azriel. Eight years since Beron Vanserra claimed Prythian as his own, and she and her friends scattered to the four winds to protect each other and their home.

Now the world is torn by endless war - between Beron's forces, the resistance, and the humans. All alone in a dark hospital on the Eastern Front, Elain works as a nurse and waits to die. Until one day, she recognises a patient: Lucien Vanserra, the last free Heir and their only hope. Charged with healing Lucien's mortal injuries, Elain finds herself drawn into a deadly game of warfare, with allies and enemies - both new and old - around every corner.

But as she and Lucien grapple with war, powerful magic, and a prophecy that may change everything, it is her heart that faces the biggest battle. For Lucien has secrets too - including one he's been keeping since that first day in Hybern. All Elain wants to do is survive, but it seems Fate has other plans for her.

The Seer of Dawn by @theirisworld

Set after the events of ACOSF. Elain still finds herself struggling with some aspects of her new fae life. A certain redhead seeks to help her.

A Court Of Eternal Sunshine by @mogitz

Lucien Vanserra is tormented by an unreciprocated bond with Elain. After witnessing a heartbreaking encounter between her and Azriel, Lucien begs Rhysand to erase his memories of their connection.

Transformed, he returns light-hearted and unburdened, bewildering the Inner Circle… especially Elain.

Icarus In Armor by @highladydawn

War is finally over in Prythian, but when the Inner Circle receives word that the Spring Court is on the verge of collapse, they must send help. At first, Lucien seems like the obvious choice. But after a startling vision, Elain is determined to keep her mate from crossing into Spring and putting his life at risk. Driven by determination and her own strange desire, she offers herself up as emissary in his place.

However, when Elain arrives at Rosehall, the High Lord is gone. It's up to her to save the people of Spring and prove she has unfathomable power of her own.

{In which Elain becomes the auxiliary High Lady of the Spring Court\\Post ACOWAR, bits of ACOFAS}

Dont Look Back by @velidewrites

Five hundred years ago, the humans fought hard for their freedom in the Great War and won. Now, their former masters seek retribution in a rebellion that grows stronger year by year.

When Elain Archeron finds out marrying Greysen Nolan might be the only solution to keep her family safe from the ancient, cruel Fae, she doesn't hesitate to fulfil her duty. What Elain doesn't know, though, is that the man with the fiery hair and russet eyes is not her fiancé, but his killer—and when she finally finds out, well...it will be far too late to turn back.

To Be Set Alight by @running-on-backstreets

Elain Archeron is frustrated. She didn't choose to be immortal, she didn't choose to become a seer, and she certainly didn't choose to be mated to Lucien Vanserra, a male who refuses to be anything but a stranger to her. But when she starts having dreams about Lucien that are driving her to distraction, she starts to wonder if there is a way they can satiate the bond while getting to know one another.

If she can do that, then maybe she can finally decide what she wants and make a choice all her own.

Courting Lucien Vanserra by @crazy-ache

“I think it may be too late for us, that I was a wretch for far too long and now he wants nothing to do with me—” Elain blurted out in a teary confession to her sisters. Nesta, face like stone, hissed. “Then there is only one thing left to do. You must thoroughly and ardently court him.”

Elain’s tears stopped rolling down her face with utter confusion. “Court him?”

“You need to seduce Lucien,” Feyre clarified with a feral grin.

Summer Heat by @zenkindoflove

Lucien nodded his head, looking for any cue that he was dismissed. “Got it. Keep everyone in line and try not to make an ass of myself in front of my mate. I’ll see what I can do.”

Summer Court is hosting the Summer Solstice Summit and the Night Court is sending their best emissaries to attend. It will be Elain's first time mingling in another court, and it's a good thing she has an expert guiding her: the mate she's been ignoring for the last two years.

Meanwhile, Eris has been sent to the summit to spy on Summer's developments. What he doesn't anticipate is entangling in a steamy, forbidden romance.

Kings, Queens, and Vagabonds by @gingerwritess

Elain is wasting away in the Night Court, and is well aware of it. She lets it happen, seeking out a destructive last hope to return to her human life and human love, but withers into nearly nothing when it doesn’t go as she hoped. Her unwanted mate wants nothing more than to see her healed, and takes her to the Day Court, in hopes that true sunlight can bring her back into herself.

Freed of the suffocating darkness of the Night Court and resigned to being fae, Elain demands Lucien show her this inescapable new world, intent on seeing the world for herself; not through the prophetic eyes of the Cauldron.

But being a seer is a valuable, rare thing—and unwanted interest in her abilities makes her a much-desired commodity across Prythian. And Lucien won’t lose yet another person he holds dear.

Instincts by @lucienarcheron

A lovely anon sent me this prompt: "Could I please request a fic based on elain reading a really sad book where 1 of the characters dies and she's absolutely torn up over it and Lucien sees her sobbing but he doesn't know what to do cause he doesn't get being invested in fictional characters (plss the irony has me ded) like she does, so he just sits with her and follows his mate bond instinct."

I took the idea and ran with it lol.

Tales of the Fox & the Fawn by @lucienarcheron

A series of short snippets to fill my Elucien heart <3

Four Minutes by @infinitefolklore

The Night Court attends a party in Dawn Court. Lucien finds out some information and turns into an absolute flirt. There's ballroom dancing, except hot. Elain can barely contain herself.

Exile by @separatist-apologist

We always walked a very thin line

Humans have been bred for the Fae for as long as the Archeron sisters have been alive. Nesta, Elain, and Feyre are used to the world they lived in and had a plan to escape to the continent, where open revolution has already happened thanks to famed General Jurian. They don't expect Tomas, human overseer for the Fae, to exact his revenge against Nesta's rejection of him, by sending all three Archeron sisters to Fae-held Prythian and the High Lords that govern that land.

Separated, Feyre and Nesta are sent to shadowy Night Court with feared High Lord Rhysand and his unpredictable winged General Cassian while Elain is taken by Eris Vanserra to terrifying Autumn Court to serve the High Lord's wife. Desperate to reunite, the sisters form their own plans for escape, unaware that fate is lurking in the form of Rhys, Cassian, and Lucien Vanserra.

The Archeron's are about to learn that the ties that bind sisters are strong…but those that bind mates are stronger. Set against the backdrop of looming war, each sister will be forced to choose between the person they've been their entire lives and the males desperate to keep them for all of eternity

A Court of Ash and Sunlight by aturner1205

“I know you’d rather not get help from me. I know you’ve rejected our mating bond and I’ve accepted that. But I still want to make sure you’re safe.”

Her heart twisted in its cage, filling her whole body with icy tears that would not spill.

Tell him. He deserves to know the truth. Tell him.

And because this time the voice inside was hers, because it was strong and clear and right, she did.

“I haven’t rejected the mating bond with you, Lucien,” she said quietly, her chest pounding so loud she could hardly hear the words. “But I think I damaged it, because—because I’ve never felt it.”

I Know Places We Won't Be Found by @separatist-apologist

They'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down

Elain Archeron and Lucien Vanserra are two sides to the same coin, not that they'd ever know it. After nearly four years of ignoring each other, the mating bond between them, and their trauma, Lucien has had enough. While Lucien is ready for resolution, Elain is still trying to figure out who she is now that she's not human, and unravel her cauldron-blessed powers which seem to intensify with each passing year. When an accidental street fire prompts Elain to call Lucien for help, Lucien decides to take Elain from the Night Court entirely, effectively kidnapping her. Tucked away in the Spring Court, far from prying eyes, Elain will have to reconcile who she was as a human with who she is as a Fae, and decide if the man she's mated to is who she wants to spend the rest of her immortal life with.

Above All Shadows Rides the Sun by flamesandshadows

“Above all shadows rides the Sun and Stars for ever dwell: I will not say the Day is done, nor bid the Stars farewell.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien

It's been ten years since Lucien's mating bond was rejected, and he's moved on as best as he could -- soaking up every moment he can with the human woman he knows he can't have forever, helping his friends rebuild their courts post-war, and above all, avoiding the Night Court and any reminders of Elain Archeron. But when he and Tarquin finally convince the High Lords to meet and discuss equality initiatives for lesser fae, and the human refugees still living in Prythian, he'll have to face old ghosts of the past.

All I Wanted by fluffy_cloudz

Elain and Lucien have shut each other out of their lives almost completely. Lucien is drowning himself in the human realms and Elain has possibly found someone to bring her back to life in the Night Court. When tensions rise and Lucien witnessed a private moment between Elain and Azriel, he abandons his emissary duties to the Night Court and flees to the Continent.

Months go by with no word of her estranged mate’s whereabouts, and Elain finds herself once again alone amongst the Inner Circle. However, an accidental slip of fate brings her back to Lucien, and an impossible amount of trouble ensues.

The Sun Is Fading by @velidewrites

Lucien Vanserra has lost everything: his lover, his home, his friend. Now, on a Solstice night far too cold for the fire in his blood, he watches his mate slip away from him, too—right into the arms of another male.

He makes a promise then, to the stars who have never listened—he will no longer dream. From now on, Lucien is going to burn—and he’ll make sure the rest of the world burns with him.

The Joker and the Queen by climbingmountains

“And who was I to say That this was meant to be? The road that was broken Brought us together“

Elain couldn’t help her slight guffaw even as she tried to hang on to her annoyance. “You can’t just decide to be my best friend.”

He leaned back on his arms nonchalantly, “Too bad. I just did.”

Elain and Lucien decide to ignore the mating bond and work on being friends. But the more they’re together the more they want to be. Can they move past who they were to discover what they could become?

A Little Bit Of Light Reading by @infinitefolklore

Elain is all alone at the Town House and Lucien makes a surprise appearance. They decide to "explore the mating bond," but for how long can they keep it a secret? And what happens when the Inner Circle starts meddling in their business?

[genderkoolaid]

On April 27, 2023, an armed security guard shot and killed a Black trans man named Banko Brown outside of a San Francisco Walgreens. Brown’s killing sparked outrage. But San Francisco District Attorney Brooke Jenkins decided not to charge the security guard who shot him, saying that he acted in self-defense. And just last Friday, Attorney General Rob Bonta’s office announced that it supported that decision.  This announcement has crushed Banko Brown’s loved ones, including those who say that his killing was an example of the conditions that unhoused transgender people face in San Francisco. KQED reporter Joe Fitzgerald Rodriguez sits down with Brown’s chosen family, to discuss life as a homeless queer person in San Francisco, and Banko’s life before his death. [...]

Kazani Kalani Finao: [...] We just had amazing, great conversations. Just always sparring with each other, bouncing back with, like, fun ideas. He uses a bright, outgoing apartment. Conversation was always immaculate, always amazing. Of he was a visionary. The struggle not only brought us together, but like I was able to, like, really build a relation with him based on, like, his gifts. He was very creative, his swag, his drip, like he was a trendsetter to me. He’s definitely inspirational to me to like, you know, him, me younger to me, like I always share with him. Like, bro, you give me so much confidence, you give me so much courage for me to be me. He didn’t even know it. But again, he was just natural at that. Whatever I remember of him is his drips, sauce, smile, hugs, goofiness. [...]

Xavier Davenport: Banko never had a space of his own. Banko had been in and out of shelter, in and out of people’s homes, sometimes even some people’s own [SROs]. So let’s really break down what that really looks like when you are living in a one room space with another individual. You do not have privacy. Nine times out of ten, being a transmasculine identif[ied] person, especially being black, you have to render some type of services to stay there, whether it be sexual, whether it be drugs. So when we talk about black men and being fetishized, Banko dealt with a lot of that. And so those people would be the people to take him in. [...]

Joe Fitzgerald Rodriguez: And can we talk a little bit about Banko in terms of the safety? You know, obviously Banko went through the least safe thing you could imagine with the most terrible outcome you can imagine. What was Banko experiencing in terms of safety during this whole process? Xavier Davenport: Banko was actually experiencing a lot of issues with violence happening in some of the places that he was trying to stay at. Nobody’s perfect, you know, especially when we’re talking about community, right? People have all kinds of issues and trauma that they are that they’re trying to live through as well. I definitely know that there were a few times where, you know, he was upset from violent experiences that had taken place. And what we all do, right, we get upset, we want to do something about it. So, you know, really trying to calm him down to, like, see a different side of it, for him to just move through the trauma that he was experiencing. Joe Fitzgerald Rodriguez: Yeah. And I don’t know how much you all followed kind of the public discussion of what happened to Banko afterwards. A lot of what I heard was a kind of a questioning of like, what did [Banko]’s trans identity or black trans identity have to do with the shooting, especially when the security guard themselves was was black. I wonder if you could talk a bit about for people who don’t understand what does [Banko]’s black trans identity have to do with what brought him there that day and what happened? [...] Xavier Davenport: [...] What what that all has to do with is when you are a young, black, transmasculine identified person, people see that he walks in, he’s dark skinned, he has a hat on a t shirt, he has a little bit of a, like a goatee or, you know, something growing in. And as another black man or being another man, there is a fight for power for who is the man. [F]or Banko, you know, the thought process is, you look like a little boy or you’re trying to pretend to be a little boy. Because let’s be clear, Banko had not had, you know, top surgery. He had not been going through that part of of medical transitioning. So you have a masculine person with visible breast coming at you. You are going to now struggle for your manhood. I’m going to show you who’s boss is something that for people that are even lesbians who are more masculine looking, [t]here is a struggle between men and any form of masculinity that they can see to them isn’t necessarily real. Joe Fitzgerald Rodriguez: So it’s a it’s like a challenge. Xavier Davenport: It is a challenge. It very much is a challenge. I know this first experience. I have dealt with this my entire life. JuJu Pikes-Prince: And if I can just highlight that it’s true. And these are cases that’s not getting covered [...] of Black Trans Men getting killed. [...]

Xavier Davenport: [...] I would say what needs to change is the systems in how they construct homelessness. There needs to be shelters specific for transmasculine folks. There needs to be shelters for trans people, period. But trans men need their own space. There needs to be more black, trans masculine leaders. There’s nobody else that can speak about black transness except for black trans people. Joe Fitzgerald Rodriguez: And how about the joy? What is your joy look like right now? Xavier Davenport: My joy looks like, you know, the rest of the work that I do. The Bay Area Transmasculine calendar is doing a second premiere of a calendar that we started last year with a group of Transmasculine folks to continue to ensure that Transmasculine folks are seen and can receive joy in seeing and having representation of themselves in all bodies, in all forms of trans masculine bodies, and in all forms of trans masculine and different cultures and ethnicities. Joe Fitzgerald Rodriguez: That’s beautiful. JuJu Pikes-Prince: [F]iguring out the funding, figuring out where money can go to. I definitely believe that there should be more programs for black trans men, even from our community. My [femme queens, my dolls]. We need to serve our [kings], our [trans kings.] [Sorry], I’m getting emotional. And it’s because I’m thinking about the joy part. [L]iving and finding purpose. Picking up someone else’s purpose when they couldn’t find their purpose. And knowing that I’m here and I can also at least set some type of story for someone [...] and hopefully help another next person, next generation to continue to do this advocacy work.

[rocksibblingsau]

Poppy: Dante, can you look at Branch's letter for me? I just feel like he doesn't feel the same towards me, like I knoooow you guys communicate the same way but he barely respondes to my advances. What if he just doesn't want to break my heart and is trying to politely decline me?! Wouldn't I be able to tell, you know? I- (yapping continues)

Dante: Uh - Of course, my dearest friend. Let me take a peak at beloved Branch's letters and resolve your conundrum.

Dante, after looking at the letter for 0.5 seconds: Oh, wow! Look at the time! I sorry dear-dearest friend but I must squiddadle, as they say, at once! Its my -uhm- brotherly tea time? Tootles!

Dante, breaking into Minuet's room: BELOVED FRIEND OF MINE, HAVE YOU SEEN THY BLEACH?!

Minuet: Oh yes, did dearest Poppy also requested you to read beloved Branch's letters?

Dante: Yes, beloved friend, how did you know?

Minuet, taking out bleach from her hair: I experience the same... unfortunate experience yesterday and I must say, I will never see beloved Branch the same way. He is certainly, uhm, how to say? Passionate.

Dante: He is a whore.

Minuet: As they say?

Dante, pouring bleach straight down his eyes: ...Sure!

He is simply made for the streets.

As they say.

Honestly thinking about it, Demo or Synth (who is shown to be friends with 3 of the named Classical Trolls of the series) would probably have to translate and considering Demo is Demo, it'd be up to Synth.

Poppy: Okay you two are my last hope. You're both friends with Branch and VERY educated on how Classical Trolls talk. Demo: *takes out reading glasses and begins reading aloud* My most rapturous Poppy- *gasps and drops the letter* Demo: This is not for thine eyes! *covers eyes dramatically* Synth: Let Synth see that... mhm mhm... holding hands... brush your hair out of your face... Synth: Pop-pay! This is! Super inappropriate! *laughs* Synth: Don't show this to any Classical Trolls yo, this stuff causes scandals!