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therealvinelle · 3 years

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Hi, I was reading a post here in Tumblr about how Edward has two gifts, he can hear thoughts and is super fast, so I wonder what is your opinion about this topic?.

Furthermore, what others power might the Volturi's leaders and guards might have?

Edward has one gift, and it’s telepathy. Being fast isn’t a gift.

Strength, speed and even senses is varied among vampires. Some, like Emmett, are on the extreme end, but that doesn’t make Emmett gifted, nor does it mean that the rest are at an equal level. The Cullens have clear variations between them.

Physique appears to play a dominant role in how these variations play out: Alice, who was malnourished and never made it past 4′10″, is the physically weakest of the coven, while Emmett at 6′5″ and a mountain of muscles is the strongest. This is made very clear during the baseball game:

“Emmett was hovering close to third (base), knowing that Alice didn’t have the muscle to outstrip Rosalie’s fielding." (Midnight Sun, chapter The Game)

There’s also the fact that it’s taken for granted that Emmett would be intimidating to other vampires, and he is dismayed when James is more worried about Jasper, who is lean.

I suspect this disparity exists simply because a large frame means more tissue to have blood in. Newborns, animal, and human-eating vampires all having a difference in terms of strength is proof that blood has the final say in a vampire’s prowess, so Emmett being able to contain more of it than Alice and therefore being stronger makes sense to me.

This isn’t the meta for me to get into that, but I don’t think vampires have muscles in the sense we do. Or rather, we can’t know that they do. Renesmée is proof that Edward retains his human DNA, or she would be a clone of Bella. Nahuel is proof that Joham retains a Y-chromosome. Does this mean that vampires have different cell types? Does a vampire’s stone-like skin still contain human DNA? One would think yes - except, if you rip a vampire apart, you get rubble. The parts are all solid. There’s also Carlisle theorizing that vampires digest blood by absorbing it through porous tissue, which makes me wonder why he dismissed his digestive system (my guess: vivisection fun times with Aro in Volterra. Carlisle couldn’t have done it on his own, and Aro is the only one mad and curious enough to be down for that). I’m getting off-topic - what I’m saying is, we don’t know how vampires work, meaning I can’t build this meta off of the assumption that they have muscles. I simply can’t know for sure that they do.

The important thing is that a vampire’s physique is a deciding factor in how strong they are.

There’s also Laurent’s warning about James, that he has “unparalleled senses”, meaning some vampires are better at sight, hearing, and smell than others. I can believe that, because we have canon examples of vampires being bad at tracking.

There’s Edward in Port Angeles, who couldn’t track Bella’s, his singer, scent to her location, and (I admit this one is conjecture but it’s so probable that I say it goes) Carlisle’s creator, who after taking care of the mob must have realized he’d bitten one of the humans, meaning a newborn would soon be loose in London. This is punishable by death by the Volturi. The fact that he didn’t return to finish Carlisle off means that he was unable to find him. I remind the audience that Carlisle was bleeding and suffering the effects by a venom intended to paralyze the victim. To put it this way, Carlisle wouldn’t have survived James, or anybody with a trace of tracking competence. By comparison, Carlisle was able to locate a dying Rosalie by the smell of her blood, even though there wouldn’t have been a trail for him to follow, as her body had not been moved.

When it comes to these disparities in strength and speed among the Volturi, I imagine Jane and Alec are the physically weakest members of the guard, and among the slowest. They’re prepubescent, meaning no muscle for them, and their height (a humble 4′8″ and 4′10″) implies very short legs. They’re simply not going to get as far as an adult would, not in the same number of steps. Renata at 5′0″ is another tiny vampire lady who likely isn’t very strong or fast.

That’s not to say I think these physically weaker members of the Volturi guard are necessarily useless in hand-to-hand combat, Alec at least is a boy stuck in a playful age, and the males around him are trained warriors. He’s probably picked up a few things over the years.

As for the others, Aro is described as frail-looking, which hints at him being quite thin. I don’t think he’s weak, if he couldn’t win a fight he wouldn’t be around, but I do think he’s probably below average in terms of strength. Caius I picture as a Harrison Ford type, so of course I’m gonna think he’s a bit burly, but this is me headcanoning and not actually hinted at in canon. Marcus is 19, so I imagine he can only be so strong.

Back to Edward’s speed.

He’s a 6′2″ teen, that’s code for “very long legs”, though I’m actually going to go ahead and posit that he’s not actually that fast. Strap in for this next part:

The guy was a teenager who lay dying for an undisclosed amount of time. The fact that Carlisle had the time to get to know his mother points to a few weeks, at least. And Edward was very ill:

Elizabeth worried obsessively over her son. She hurt her own chances of survival trying to nurse him from her sickbed. I expected that he would go first, he was so much worse off than she was. (New Moon, page 21)

Muscles atrophy quickly, never more so than when you’re a teen ravaged by fever, on your deathbed. And as I’ve explained above, I think your physique in life ties directly into your vampiric prowess.

I think Edward is certainly the physically weakest of the male Cullens, quite likely weaker than Rosalie as well, maybe even Esme.

Now, speed is not the same as strength. However, for humans, the two are connected. It’s the muscle fibers in our legs that determine our speed. Basically, type I fibers make an enduring runner, type II fibers make a speed runner. So, assuming that vampires retain their human musculature, one could argue that Edward had a lot of type II in life. However, Carlisle when he was human was able to outrun the mob he was with:

He ran through the streets, and Carlisle — he was twenty-three and very fast — was in the lead of the pursuit. (Twilight, page 158)

Carlisle clearly had a lot of type II fibers, and unlike Edward he was in peak physical condition when he died. He was also an adult who’d had more time to develop musculature, while Edward was a seventeen-year-old. If musculature was a deciding factor, one would think they would at the very least be of equal speed, though realistically Edward should be slower.

So, if it’s not muscles, what is it that makes Edward faster than the others?

It could be a matter of technique. Except, the way Bella describes movement when she wakes up as a vampire, it’s all very automated. Her body knows exactly how to do everything, and executes it without much input from her:

After that first frozen second of shock, my body responded to the unfamiliar touch in a way that shocked me even more.

Air hissed up my throat, spitting through my clenched teeth with a low, menacing sound like a swarm of bees. Before the sound was out, my muscles bunched and arched, twisting away from the unknown. I flipped off my back in a spin so fast it should have turned the room into an incomprehensible blur—but it did not. I saw every dust mote, every splinter in the wood-paneled walls, every loose thread in microscopic detail as my eyes whirled past them.

So by the time I found myself crouched against the wall defensively—about a sixteenth of a second later—I already understood what had startled me, and that I had overreacted. (Breaking Dawn, page 251-252)

Growling, crouching - those are all distinctly vampiric, non-human ways to act. Bella didn’t learn this, her body knew it of its own accord. When she later runs, she explains it as happening the same way - she just does it.

The way Bella experiences it, vampiric movement is like a package she downloaded, and that executes her instinctual commands with no need for her to actually know how to do any of this. Her grace is another example of this - Bella Swan may be in charge of her own consciousness, but the venom is entirely in control of her body.

Given these facts, I don’t think it’s technique that makes Edward a better runner than others. His technique is likely similar to everyone else’s. If it isn’t, if technique is what makes the difference, then who is and isn’t fast is an arbitrary process.

With that, we get to my controversial theory about why Edward is the fastest Cullen: he’s not.

Running and being fast is the only thing about vampirism that Edward enjoys. This is for another meta, but Edward is extremely depressed about every single other bit of it. Every aspect of being a vampire torments him.

Except the running. He enjoys all of it, especially being the fastest, so much. And as a newborn, he would have been faster than Carlisle.

But after that, when his newborn strength faded…

I honestly think that Carlisle decided to just slow down a bit when running with him, let Edward have this. It’s no skin of his back, and it makes Edward happy, so why not.

Esme joins the family, and of course she would be down for this. Nothing is more parental, more maternal, than losing at checkers to make your child happy, after all. Could also be she’s not very fast herself, but even if she were then she would downplay it to make Edward feel like Jesse Owens.

Enter Rosalie, who would think it’s completely ridiculous, yes, but she would also recognize this excellent opportunity to call in a big favor from Carlisle later on. There’s also the fact that I think Carlisle has a gift (yes, yes, meta is coming, people) that makes him very persuasive people. And also that for all that Rose gets a lot of bad rep, she is very generous and loves her family, if being fast makes Edward happy then alright.

Emmett is an easy-going guy, he goes along with things. Alice adores Edward and would go along with it. She also has tiny matchstick legs and couldn’t outrun him if she tried. Jasper could not care less.

Bella does get outrun by Edward after waking up, but she also did zero exercise in life (listing this in case musculature matter), had Renesmée devour her from within rendering her emaciated, and then died like a slasher movie murder victim. There’s not a lot of blood in her, and what little blood there is doesn’t have a lot to work with. She does defeat Emmett at arm wrestling, so I’ll concede that. However, there are enough extenuating circumstances surrounding Bella that I think my “Edward isn’t that fast” theory survives his ability to outrun her.

So, I believe Edward is the fast Cullen because Carlisle told a white lie in 1919, no one ever corrected that, and now it’s too late.

#tumblr ate this ask and i had to spend twice as long writing it #i'm dying #edward cullen #carlisle cullen #volturi #alec #twilight vampires #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #twilight #long post #Anonymous #ask #edward speed debacle

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sisterspooky1013 · 3 years

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Only One Choice, Part 2, Chapter 10

Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

From: [email protected]

Sent: April 28, 1997 10:46am

To: [email protected]

Subject: Coffee?

Hi Monica,

It’s Dana, from pathology. I was wondering if you’d like to get coffee tomorrow around lunchtime? I have a break in classes from 11-2, so anywhere in there would be fine.

I hope things are going well with VICAP.

-Dana

From: [email protected]

Sent: April 28, 1997 10:48am

To: [email protected]

Subject: Wednesday/Thursday

Hi,

I’m mildly shocked that you hadn’t already emailed me before I got in today. Are you alive?

If you’d like to meet up for lunch or coffee this week, I can do Wednesday or Thursday, sometime in the 11-3 timeframe. Let me know which works for you and I’ll block the time out so nothing else ends up on my schedule.

From: [email protected]

Sent: April 28, 1997 11:12am

To: [email protected]

Subject: RE:Coffee?

Hi Dana,

I’m so glad you reached out. I’d love to get coffee tomorrow; I can meet you just outside the autopsy bay at 1pm, if that works?

I look forward to it.

-Monica

From: [email protected]

Sent: April 28th, 1997 12:16pm

To: [email protected]

Subject: RE:Wednesday/Thursday

Hi Scully,

I see that my exceptional self control has paid off in spades. I am alive, and have resisted emailing you this morning through a combination of sheer will and a two-hour budget meeting.

Wednesday sounds perfect, I’ll be there at noon. Don’t ask me how many hours that is from now because I haven’t calculated it and I have no idea.

———

About an hour after returning from her coffee date with Monica, which was very pleasant and is something she hopes to repeat, she starts to feel just a little bit achy. She pushes through the rest of her work for the day and by the time she slumps through her apartment door at six, there’s no denying that she’s sick. She takes some Tylenol and goes to bed, hoping it will have passed in the morning, but when she wakes up it’s even worse. She calls in sick to work and goes back to sleep.

When she wakes again, the phone is ringing. She ignores it, only for it to start ringing again the moment the machine picks up. Dragging herself out of bed with a pained moan, she trudges to the hallway, retrieving the cordless phone and walking back to her bedroom as she answers.

“Hello?”

“Scully! Are you okay?”

“What? Yes. Mulder?” She burrows herself back under the covers with the phone tucked against her ear.

“Yes, it’s me, you didn’t answer my emails all morning and never showed up for our coffee date. I was worried.”

“Shit, Mulder, I’m sorry. I came down with something yesterday and called out sick. I totally forgot we were having coffee today.”

“You’re sick?” he asks, clear concern in his voice.

“Yes, just a virus or something, I’ll be fine.”

“Can I bring you something? Soup? Juice? Bad movies?”

She chuckles a little. “No, you don’t need to do that.”

“Who's gonna take care of you?”

“Mulder, I’m a grown adult with a cold, I can take care of myself.”

“Are you sure?” She can tell by his tone that he wants to do this more for himself than for her.

“Yes, I’m sure. I don’t want you to see me all sick and disgusting, Mulder. It’s too soon to ruin your image of me,” she says somewhat sarcastically.

“Seeing you sick is not going to change how I feel about you, Scully,” he says very tenderly, and she knows he means it. Still, she doesn’t like the idea.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Sorry to make you drive an hour for nothing. Rain check?”

He sighs noisily. “Okay, fine. I think you inadvertently left ‘stubborn’ off your list of flaws, though.”

“Well, I didn’t want to ruin all the surprises,” she replies with a smile.

He reluctantly says goodbye, and as soon as he hangs up, she calls the first number on her speed dial.

“Hello,” calls Missy in her typical singsong greeting.

“Missy, can you come over?” she whines, little sister mode in full effect, “I’m sick.”

Missy arrives forty five minutes later and fusses around, gathering a glass of water, Tylenol, and the thermometer that is buried in the bottom of a bathroom drawer. Dana has relocated to the couch, and makes a face around the thermometer propped under her tongue when Missy sets four crystals of different shapes and colors on the coffee table, along with two herb-filled capsules. The thermometer beeps angrily and Missy plucks it out of her mouth, shaking her head.

“One hundred and two,” she says with a frown, “here, take these,” she holds out two Tylenol and two of the herb capsules with a glass of water.

Dana takes the Tylenol and leaves the others.

“Whatever those are, I’m not taking them. And you can pack up your crystals,” she says to Missy as she pops the Tylenol and chases them with a big gulp of water.

“They’re just echinacea, Sis, they won't kill you. And neither will the crystals.”

“But they also won’t help,” Dana says dryly, setting her water on the coffee table and burrowing back under her blanket.

“Well, I’ll just leave them right here,” Missy says, standing and going to the kitchen. “Why’d you call me, anyway? Shouldn’t playing sick maid be Mulder’s job now?” She’s looking through cupboards, pulling out a pot and a can of soup.

“It’s too soon for him to see me all congested and disgusting,” Dana replies, stifling a shiver. “He wanted to come over, but I told him not to.”

There’s a knock at the door. Dana sits up, exchanging confused looks with Missy.

“Did you order food?” Dana asks, and Missy shakes her head, moving to the door.

Dana watches from the couch as Missy opens the door to find no one on the other side. She looks at the floor, then down the hall one direction and the other. She stoops down and picks something up, then walks back to the couch with a paper bag.

“What is that?” Dana asks, and Missy shrugs, setting it on the coffee table and sitting at Dana’s feet. There’s a sheet of paper stapled to the bag, and Missy plucks it off, opening it while Dana explores the contents; a carton of tom kah gai soup.

Missy’s face is a mask of confusion as she reads whatever is written on the paper.

“What does it say?” Dana asks, and Missy hands it to her.

Every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own: in pain and sickness it would still be dear. Your mind is my treasure, and if it were broken, it would be my treasure still.

Dana’s chin puckers as her bottom lip sticks out in a pout. “Oh my god,” she gushes, “it’s Mulder.”

“What the hell does this mean?” Missy asks, taking the paper back and reading it again. “Does he write poetry or something?”

“No,” Dana answers, pulling the lid off the container and breathing in the spicy coconut smell, “it’s a quote from Jane Eyre.”

“Oh my god,” Missy says with a disgusted look, “you two really are meant for each other. This is sickening, Dana, you realize that, right?”

Dana is smiling, taking sips of the hot Thai chicken soup that he somehow knew she needed. “Yes, he’s also a giant nerd, if that’s what you’re saying. But beyond that, I don’t think we have much of anything in common, actually.”

“You both work for the FBI,” Missy offers.

“Yes, but in totally different areas. And he’s an atheist, and believes in unverifiable phenomena like aliens and spontaneous human combustion. And he’s impulsive and easy going, and he makes decisions with his gut,” Dana lists off Mulder’s attributes like she’s describing the trim level on a car. He’s cute, and he has a leather interior.

“Well, I certainly wouldn’t use any of those words to describe you,” Missy says pointedly, setting the note on the table, where Dana plucks it back up and reads it again. “But there’s something to be said for being with someone who’s different from you.”

“I don’t really buy into the idea of ‘opposites attract,’” Dana says flatly. “I think that’s just a lie people tell themselves to justify horribly mismatched partnerships.”

“I think ‘opposites attract’ implies that your qualities clash, like the odd couple. One is messy and the other is clean,” Missy replies, propping her elbow on the back of the couch. “But I heard about this idea of ‘perfect opposites’ which is more like someone who complements you, or helps kind of level you out. So perhaps you lean to the extreme in some areas where Mulder leans to the other extreme, and you learn to meet somewhere in the middle.”

Dana gives her a doubtful look. “What is the middle between believing wholeheartedly that Bigfoot exists, and knowing that he doesn’t?”

Missy takes this under serious consideration. “I think,” she says without a hint of sarcasm, “that the medium would be accepting that it’s possible that he exists, and possible he doesn’t, but there's no way to know for sure.”

“So a Bigfoot agnostic?” Dana asks, and Missy nods in confirmation.

Dana shakes her head. “Maybe you should have gone out with him, I think you two might be better suited.”

“Don’t give me any ideas,” Missy says with a coy smile. “Speaking of which, does he have any single friends?”

Dana shrugs around a gulp of soup. “I don’t know, I haven’t met any of his friends.”

“Well, when you do, keep an eye out would ya? Now that I’ve lost my single buddy, I may as well get back out there. God knows it’s torture enough hearing your lurid tales from the bedroom.”

“Missy, I haven’t told you a single lurid tale,” Dana chastises.

“I know, what’s up with that?” Missy retorts in mock offense, “speaking of, what happened when he took you out to dinner Sunday night?”

Dana shakes her head.

“Oh come on, Dana. I have no life, let me live vicariously,” Missy whines.

Dana shakes her head again. “The only thing I’ll say is; maybe don’t eat off the kitchen counter,” she says before giving Missy a guilty look.

Missy’s mouth drops open.

“Wow, I’m not sure if I’m more grossed out or jealous,” she says as she stands, “I’m gonna get out of here, if you’re good. I think I need to go pick up a guy at a bar for some meaningless sex.”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks for coming by. If you need a condom there are some in the bathroom,” she adds with a sarcastic smile, and Missy sneers at her.

“Ha, ha,” Missy replies as she slips on her shoes and opens the door, “last time I checked, you can’t get pregnant from a vibrator.”

Dana gives her a sympathetic pout and Missy pulls the door closed behind her.

———

It’s a quarter past eight when the phone rings, and he pushes Priscilla onto the floor to retrieve it from his desk.

“Hello?”

“I can’t find it,” says a garbled voice.

“Hello?” he asks again, “who is this?”

“It’s really cold. It’s also too hot,” the voice says around a sound like fabric moving over the mouthpiece.

“Scully?”

“Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

There’s a pause. “Mulder?”

“Yeah, I’m here. Are you okay?”

“Mulder, where are you?”

“I’m at home. You called me at home. Is Missy there?”

“No, she had to take her vibrator to a bar,” she answers, and it’s clear that she’s completely delirious.

“Scully, I’m coming over,” he says, standing up to find his shoes and wallet. “Hey, Scully, I need you to do something for me, okay?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can you stand up, and walk to your front door?”

She sighs. “That’s very far.”

“I know it is, but I need you to unlock the door so I can get in. I don’t think your super would be very happy if I broke it down.”

He hears her groan and her voice becomes quieter, then disappears. He waits, and just when he thinks she may have hung up, she picks the phone back up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, did you unlock the door?”

“Mulder?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

“Mulder, where are you?”

He snickers a little. “I’m on my way over, did you unlock the door?”

“I...I don’t remember,” she says, and she sounds exhausted.

“That’s okay, go back to bed. I’ll figure it out. See you soon, okay?”

“Okay, bye, Mulder.”

He waits but the line doesn’t go dead. He hears her shuffle around a bit and then it’s quiet for a long time. Setting the phone on its cradle, he drives over to her apartment.

The door is, thankfully, unlocked, and all the lights are off.

“Scully?” he calls out, not wanting to scare her. “Scully, are you awake?”

When he gets no response, he slips off his shoes and makes his way to her bedroom, calling out her name intermittently. He finds her twisted up in her sheets, and one touch to her forehead has him jerk his hand away with how hot she is. He strips the blankets off of her, finding her in only a T-shirt and panties underneath. Next he finds a washcloth in the bathroom and soaks it with cold water, then grabs two Tylenol and a glass of water. When he returns to the bedroom and drapes the cloth over her forehead, she starts and opens her eyes momentarily, but then closes them again.

“Scully,” he says softly, shaking her shoulder, “I need you to wake up, honey. I need you to take these.”

Her eyes open slowly and she blinks at him with heavy lids.

“Mulder?” she asks groggily, and he gives her a sympathetic smile.

“I’m here. Can you sit up and take these?”

He helps her prop herself up just enough to swallow the Tylenol and a sip of water before she collapses back against the pillows.

“I feel like shit,” she complains, but her eyes are already closed and she’s on her way back to sleep.

“I know. Get some rest. I’ll be here.”

———

She wakes up to harsh beams of sun pouring directly through her eyelids. Her first thought is that Ethan forgot to close the blinds again, but then she remembers that she and Ethan aren't together anymore and he doesn’t live here, so she must have forgotten to close them. She moves to roll out of bed and is met with the shock of aching muscles, and remembers that she had been raging with fever last night. She probably shouldn’t have let Missy leave, but thankfully the fever seems to have broken during the night. She rolls away from the window, no longer motivated to get up and close the blinds, and finds herself nose to nose with a sleeping Mulder.

“What the hell?” she says out loud, and he opens his eyes and smiles at her.

“Hi,” he says softly, “how do you feel?”

She gives him a perplexed expression. “Confused. How long have you been here?”

He chuckles “I knew you were out of it, but I didn’t think you were that far gone. You don’t remember?”

She shakes her head ruefully.

Mulder rolls to his back and stretches, then turns back to face her. “You called me last night, totally out of it, and I came over to make sure you were okay.”

“How did you get in?” she asks skeptically.

“You let me in.”

Her eyes widen.

“You were burning up, I just force fed you some Tylenol and kept an eye on you. Around 3am you started shivering, so I think that’s when the fever broke.”

She is quiet for a moment, taking in her surroundings. “Mulder...am I not wearing pants?”

He holds up his hands in self defense. “That’s how I found you, Scully, Scout’s honor.”

“What time is it?” she asks, feeling disoriented.

He peeks at his watch. “A little after nine.”

She sits up too quickly and gets dizzy. “I’m late for work,” she says, one hand to her head.

“Scully you were delirious with fever six hours ago, you’re not going to work. I called for you,” he says, sitting up too.

She gives him an incredulous look. “You called out sick to work for me?”

He nods.

She sighs and looks away from him. “I got the soup, and the note,” she says, “thank you.”

“Of course,” he answers, rubbing a palm over her back.

She looks back at him, taking in his sleep rumpled hair and second day stubble. She furrows her brow, a slight scowl on her mouth.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“You’re my boyfriend, aren’t you?” she says with a defeated tone, and he laughs.

“I’d sure like to be, if you’ll have me.”

She groans and slumps against him, sighing as he wraps his arms around her, petting her hair.

“Okay, fine,” she says flatly.

“Well don’t sound so excited about it,” he teases, and she pulls back and smiles at him.

“Thanks for taking care of me,” she says softly.

“Thanks for letting me,” he replies.

#the x files #txf #dana scully #fox mulder #gillovny #msr #sculder #x files fanfic #alternate universe

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spuffybot · 4 years

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I’m rage reading Midnight Sun because I’ve been a bit anxious lately and figured it would be fun. TURNS OUT the book is like a gazillion pages long and even more idiotic than expected. I’m 35% through and not sure how much longer I can go on. Here are my takeaways so far:

1. Stephanie went hard on the thesaurus for this one. When faced with a simple way of saying something, she perservered: “stymied by her soundless thoughts” / “overcome with glee, jubilant” / “sulfurously” (she uses sulfurously roughly 4 times in the first three chapters).

2. Despite attending highschool (and college) roughly 500 times AND being able to read minds Edward speaks like some kind of fanfiction version of Byron “please forgive my reserve” / “I might so easily have betrayed that trust” like jesus, Edward, we get it, you’re a tortured 100 year old man trapped in a 17 year old body but can you lighten up a little? You’re not fooling anyone. You’ve picked up some modern slang.

3. Seriously tho. I’m not done with this point: “to think it had come to this! I was utterly fixated on the petty high school dramas that I’d once held so in contempt” ok Edward, you and everyone who has ever become obsessed with a CW show. Chill out.

4. Ummm so Bella finally has a personality? After 15 years, 4 books (all from her POV), and 5 movies we finally get to see some actual characteristics and personality traits. Because we’re seeing her through Edward eyes. That’s just...too messed up for me to unpack right now.

5. Ahh yes. The whole breaking and entering to watch Bella sleep part. Not to worry folks! We finally have an explanation: Edward had a panic attack and was worried a meteorite would crash into Bella’s house and crush her, so he HAD to sneak in to make sure she was ok. And then he just HAD to keep coming back (he even greases her window to prevent squeaking) to watch her every night. Like...Steph...that is some serial killer shit.

6. Ok so I’m starting to wonder...am I underestimating Stephanie? Does she have us all fooled? Is she in on how creepy and predatory and abusive Edward is? Is this book her big reveal where she shows us how she tricked us into romanticizing evil and abusive behaviors in older predatory men who target young vulnerable girls? Or am I just getting carried away here...

7. Wooooow ok Edward is warning Bella that he’s dangerous (classic abuser move, when she inevitably gets hurt she will know it’s her fault because he warned her and she chose him anyway) while also gaslighting her suspicions. This is...a lot. Brosef has stalked her, manipulated her, tried to gaslight her into thinking she had suffered brain damage, gone hot and cold on her, and used his considerable power over her and we’re only 20% in. Seriously. Stephanie. Who hurt you???

8. Ok so there’s officially only 3 types of women in the Twilight universe:

A. Petty & Vain (Jessica, Rosalie, the Waitress, Lauren)

B. Insipid & Sweet (Alice, Esme, Renee, Angela)

C. Bella

At least until we meet Leah, who we all know is code for “bitter lesbian / undesirable / not performing gender properly / bad female”.

9. Let’s talk about that dinner date. I always found it gross how their first romantic interaction is defined by other women wanting Edward and him shockingly ignoring them to focus on Bella (frankly that’s just manners why are we rewarding basic human decency?). But now that we get Edwards POV on it, it’s even worse. The waitress and hostess who lust after Bella are stereotypes of “bad” women, the “wrong kind” of women, used to show how much better Bella is in comparison. She’s so much more pure, unassuming, unaware of her own appeal. It reinforces so many toxic narratives about what hoops a woman has to jump through to be desirable (without being TOO desirable, of course). Not to mention it pits women against one another...can we please move past “not like other girls” being the highest level of achievement a woman can unlock?

10. Ok we’ve reached the point where Edward is telling Bella he’s going to spy on her conversation with Jessica so she better watch what she says. We’ve moved into full on abusive relationship territory. It’s only gonna be downhill from here. Not sure how much more I can take.

I’m gonna take a break, drown my sorrows, and try not to think too hard about how “likes Jane Austen” is being used in place of any character development for dear Bella.

#twilight #midnight sun #edward and bella #stephanie meyer #vampires

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janeofcakes · 5 years

Text

Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Ten Feet from the Pack

OMG OMG HERE IT IS! I’m so excited to bring this to you and absolutely terrified that none of you will like it. It’s a Johnlock AU with the roller derby as the setting and I’m so nervous about posting it I can’t even begin to express my feelings right now. I am freaking out. I keep thinking “I hope it’s not complete rubbish. I hope it’s not complete rubbish.”

Okay. Okay. Calm down, Jane. Just a few terms before we begin. I’ll throw in more of these in subsequent chapters when necessary. It’ll just help you understand things.

Terms:

Pack - the largest group of blockers from both teams skating within ten feet of each other.

Blocker - a skater who tries to prevent the jammer from skating around the track and scoring points.

Jammer - the skater who skates around the track and aims to pass all of the blockers on the opposite team. A point is scored for each opposing team blocker the jammer passes.

Lead jammer - the jammer who breaks through the pack first (no points are scored on the initial break through. The lead jammer controls the jam and can call it off at any time, unless in the penalty box.

Jam - or round. Each jam lasts a maximum of two minutes, if the lead jammer does not call it off. Blockers and jammers may be swapped out in between each jam.

Quads - roller skates with four wheels.

And now, here we go...

Chapter 1

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see. --Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody

Sharp grey eyes study the five skaters as they race around the track. Wheels glide smoothly over concrete, one leg crossing over the other on the straight aways, knees bent to keep low around the turns. Bodies bent slightly at the waist and spines arched with shoulders back in perfect derby stance. They make each pass with ease and undeniable focus. Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody plays loudly from a portable speaker laying in the center of the track. A short woman off skates stands next to it with a timer, shouting out every minute as each one ticks away. The only other sounds that interrupt Freddie’s voice are the occasional cries of 5, 10, 15, as well as shouts of encouragement from the stationary skaters positioned around the inside of the track as they count their teammate’s laps.

The dark curls that frame his face flutter artfully in the cool breeze created by the fast-moving skaters not twenty feet in front of him. He watches yet not seeing at all, his mind visualizing strategies and scoring tactics playing out on the track before him.

Come into the pack signalling lane one, a quick flick of the wrist indicating the real plan and jetting to three at the last second. Hit, spin, shove and twist, roll around the pack to one if necessary and break through.

A few shouts of support start from the group of skaters working on core exercises on the outer left side of the track. More join in, along with the group doing squats on the right side, just after the timer yells one minute. As the time ticks down, Freddie and crew are all but drown out by the voices of a team joined in a common goal. Training is key. Training together, helping each teammate reach for something better - one more lap, skimming off one more second, slipping past for one more point - that is a true team. A team of equals, partners. That is what he has always worked toward and that emphasis has made his team unique.

Increase speed just before reaching the pack, nod to a blocker, signal with a fist. The blocker slams into an opposing blocker as the jammer shoots by and crashes into the pack, ideally knocking the most immediate blocker to the ground and rocketing through.

His eyes narrow as he considers his jammers to determine which ones fit with each strategy. He shuffles through individual tactics and assigns the ones that play directly to each woman’s strengths and personality. All of this is easy for him because he is a master at reading people and knowing what he shouldn’t know with only a look or two. He reads every strength and weakness after observing two trips around the track. He can see everything about one’s personal life as well, but turns that part of his brain off with the team so as to avoid invading their privacy. Mutual respect is also important in a successful team.

His eyes slip closed as he carefully analyzes each strategy against each jammer. His hands steepled with fingertips just touching his lips, every sound filling the stadium fading away as he enters his mind palace. This is the place where all the information is stored and every skill will match up with his ideas.

Witch Hazel, a jammer of such an elusive nature that blockers scarcely realize she is bumping against them before she has slipped past, as though she has cast a spell.

The Woman, who sidles up and presses herself on blockers with more weight than her lithe body would dictate. Then she twists and dodges with unexpected speed, bouncing from one blocker to another as she twirls around the pack, delivering hit after hit as she goes.

Trixie Belt’em, one of their most aggressive and foul-mouthed skaters, uses wider hips to her advantage. Slamming into anyone in her way, she knocks women to the floor with one powerful whack.

Similarly, Bloody Mary breaks through the pack to earn lead jammer nearly every time and pumps her legs all the way around the track. She comes in hot and slams into the blocker she has deemed the weakest link. She is seldom mistaken.

Finally, their most skilled jammer and captain, Mollycious Intent embodies all the skills of her fellow jammers. Her speed and power are equally measured to her quick dodges and sharp turns. She comes in hot only to stop on a dime and prance her way around the pack on her toe stops. Just as steady on the stops as on wheels, she still delivers precise blows to the opposition, but saves the real power for the most critical hits.

Molly’s strategy and intellect closely match that of their coach, making them a perfect force to lead the team to its place as number one in the nation. It is a title the Detroit Rock City Rollers once held for ten years from the late 1970s into the 1980s. One the team’s owner never thought they would see again after The Fall. One they regained when they were revolutionized by a budding young coach called Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock shuffles his feet as he thinks, visualizes each play and all possible outcomes. His feet slide back and forth easily on his quads. Sherlock often dons his own workout gear and black skates for practice. He prefers to skate with the ladies rather than lord over them from the sidelines, providing critiques like most coaches. But he has always been unconventional. His unusual ideas and knowledge of the sport factored heavily into the Rock City comeback after a 23 year slump. In the 49 years since the inception of the Detroit Rock City Rollers, there had never been such a coach and there is still no other coach like him in all of the league.

“Coach!”

A loud voice echoes through the stadium and pulls him from his thoughts. Sherlock’s eyes fly open to see the skaters loitering around the track and drinking from their water bottles. The music was turned off after the last workout rotation and no longer blares across the track, marking the beginning of drills. Sherlock typically leads the drills and scrimmages, but the ladies are more than capable of regulating themselves when he is pulled away. Or delves too far into his mind palace, as the case may be.

“Hey, Coach!” Harry ‘HardOn Skates’ Dewhurst calls from the track. He shifts his gaze to her in response. “You know your phone is ringing, right? Turned up the volume so you wouldn’t miss a call from Lestrade, wasn’t it?”

Sherlock studies her knowing smirk and narrows his eyes as the ring of his phone finally reaches his ears and the doors to the strategy wing in his mind palace close. He pulls it from his pocket and sees the name Greg Lestrade, general manager of the team in bright digital lettering. He turns and looks back at the ladies.

“Twenty laps for being a smartass,” he announces.

“My pleasure, Captain,” Harry salutes and skates to the outside edge of the track with a broad grin on her face.

“Molly.”

“Sherlock?”

“Get started with drills.”

“Got it.”

Sherlock turns his head to face away from the track, glancing at the clock. He puts the phone to his ear.

“Really, Lestrade,” Sherlock begins with a smile on his face and an exaggerated tone of irritation in his voice, “I cannot maintain any level of success if you continue to interrupt practices.”

“She’s done it again,” Greg replies, ignoring the jibe and deathly serious.

“No,” Sherlock’s eyes are wide.

“She hired a doctor she met at the conference,” Greg pauses, hoping Sherlock will not start shouting like last time. However, this is almost worse. It is never good when the man goes quiet. Greg bites his lip and goes on. “He starts on Thursday.”

Sherlock closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, his fingers resting precisely on the two little wrinkles that traverse the top of his nose when he furrows his brow. He sighs in both frustration and anger.

“For god sake,” Sherlock mutters. He opens his eyes and looks toward the team, catching Molly’s eye almost immediately. “I’ll be back.”

“Got it,” she replies with a nod.

Without a thought to his footwear or the floors, Sherlock skates from his position near the track and across the stadium to the exit closest to the team offices. Once up the elevator and in the hall, he continues to skate along the fairly flat carpeting until he bursts into Greg’s office. It shouldn’t take the man by surprise because he has stormed the office before, not to mention they were just speaking on the phone, but somehow it does and Greg jumps slightly when Sherlock rolls in. Greg rests his elbows on his desk and tilts his head warily to watch the wheeled man pace back and forth before him.

“What the hell is she doing, Greg?” Sherlock is already asking. “Did she learn nothing from the disaster that was Phillip Anderson?”

“I know, Sherlock. I know.”

“You gave me every assurance that this would not happen again.”

“Sherlock,” Greg replies sternly, gesturing at the man, who finally comes to a stop directly in front of the desk, “need I remind you that Martha Hudson owns the team? She can hire anyone she likes.”

“Yes, of course she can,” Sherlock scowls impatiently, “but I expected to be consulted first.”

“Honestly,” Greg runs a hand through his salt and pepper hair, shaking his head in exasperation, “I did too. But she obviously didn’t. I just got off the phone with her. She’s on her way here and thinks this doctor is the answer to our troubles. We can’t play without a team doctor and the season is about to start.“

“I am well aware of that. Thank you,” Sherlock answers haughtily. “What do you know about him?”

“His name is John Watson.”

Sherlock stares at him, expectant and annoyed. He even jerks his head forward to punctuate the unspoken addition. Well?

“That’s it,” Greg shrugs.

“Oh my god,” he rolls his eyes before fixing Greg with a glare and pointing an accusatory finger. “We must find out all we can. If he touches anyone on the team…”

“I’m sure Martha took that into consideration when she hired him, Sherlock. No one wants another situation like Anderson. We can thank him for opening all our eyes, the bastard.”

There is a light rap on the office door and in walks the woman of the hour, Mrs. Martha Hudson. With a smile on her face, she lets the door swing wide before turning to close it with a solid click. When she faces them again, it is with a motherly smile.

Mrs. Hudson and her husband founded the Detroit Rock City Rollers in 1970. By ‘78, the team was at the top of its game. Money was rolling in and Edward Hudson didn’t always use it for the best, or even legal, exploits. In spite of her own moral principles, Mrs. Hudson generally looked the other way because her focus was on the skaters. She made sure they had whatever they needed and even muscled men out of the organization if they proved to be disrespectful in any way. As it turned out, she should have extended the same treatment to her husband.

The dream, and marriage, ended in 1987 when Mr. Hudson was arrested for larceny, embezzlement, drug and sex trafficking, and murder. Some of his crimes were directly related to the team and some not. For her part, Mrs. Hudson testified against him and sealed his fate with a smile on her face. After her husband’s conviction, Mrs. Hudson spent the next six years doing everything in her power to rid Rock City of disgrace. She fired everyone on staff and dismissed every team member proven to be willingly involved. With the rubbish cleared out, she rebuilt from the ground up. She slowly re-established her own reputation and the team’s along with it. When she finished what had once seemed impossible, she was finally in a position to attract talented newcomers again. One such young upstart was Gregory Lestrade.

Greg was the first to come into the fold as an expert and honest general manager. He revolutionized every aspect of team business, making it professional and accountable once again. Together, he and Mrs. Hudson hired a most accomplished staff for the team to depend upon. It was his demeanor more than his experience that made Mrs. Hudson trust his judgement implicitly, in spite of being roughly 25 years her junior.

“Goodness, boys, settle down, settle down,” she clucks. “I could hear you all the way down the hall.”

“That, Mrs. Hudson, is a boldfaced lie,” Sherlock snaps, “but if you’d like to hear my objections to this farce at full volume I will be happy to accommodate.”

“Sherlock!” Greg rises from his chair and glares at the taller man. He is not at all surprised at the insubordination, nor is Mrs. Hudson - Sherlock Holmes has spoken his mind since day one - but he is typically more diplomatic with the team’s owner.

Sherlock keeps his icy gaze on the older woman, pointedly ignoring Greg. Mrs. Hudson herself just looks at them both fondly. She has never made a secret of the fact that she views them as the sons she never had. Greg holds the place of firstborn - polite, responsible, authoritative. Sherlock is the little brother who will always be quietly satisfied that he is taller. He is just as responsible and an excellent coach, but is also petulant, disagreeable and a bit of a shit. Both men are friendly and talented and won over Mrs. Hudson nearly the moment she met them. Martha is nothing if not an excellent judge of character. It’s like a sixth sense and she prides herself on it, so how she failed to notice Anderson’s complete lack of ethics is beyond her.

“Sherlock,” she begins in a motherly, but stern tone, “surely you trust me to make sure nothing like Anderson ever happens again.”

“I did, yes,” he straightens to his full height, which with the skates is impressive, “until you hired someone to replace him on a whim.”

“Sherlock,” Greg growls in warning.

“It wasn’t a whim, dear. John Watson is a good and honorable man, and an excellent doctor,” Mrs. Hudson answers, smile never faltering.

“Well, we are delighted to hear that. Aren’t you delighted, Greg?” he answers sarcastically, finally glancing at the GM and ignoring his incredulous frown. “Has this man worked in derby before you so graciously added him to our ranks?”

“No.”

“Then why, may I ask, was he at the conference? Trolling for new victims?”

“That’s enough!” Greg slams his fist on the desk. The room is silent, all attention on him. “Why do I always find myself reminding you that, while your input is very important, Mrs. Hudson owns this team. She does not have to explain herself to you.”

“It’s all right, Greg,” Mrs. Hudson says easily. “I expected it. I expected you’d both be angry I didn’t put it up for discussion, but I knew John Watson was the doctor for our team as soon as we were introduced. Spending so much time with him at the conference only sealed the deal.”

“Good, good,” some of the edge fades from Greg’s voice and he eyes the other two as he continues. “Why don’t we all have a seat, shall we? Talk like civilized adults. I’m sure Sherlock wants to know more about Dr. Watson as much as I do, if he can behave himself.”

Sherlock glares daggers at him and Greg is certain the man is considering a full-on strop. He watches Sherlock with a hard, commanding and unrelenting gaze. Finally, the taller man sighs and grabs the small chair tucked next to a filing cabinet, leaving the more comfortable and prominent one for Mrs. Hudson.

“Fine,” he mutters and sits with a thunk.

“Thank you,” Greg replies, some tension seeping from his body. “Mrs. Hudson?”

“Thank you, Greg,” she smiles, taking a seat. Greg follows suit. “We met on the morning of the second day. Charles Griffin and I got to breakfast late and he was sitting at a table on his own.”

“Griffy introduced you then?” Greg asks with interest.

“Yes. He’s known John for years. Charles was his advisor in medical school.”

“In London?”

“Yes, of course.”

Greg’s eyes dart to meet Sherlock’s. The thin man is on the edge of his seat, elbows perched on his knees and fingers joined beneath his chin. The position makes his limbs look impossibly long. The skates on his feet don’t help either. Unable to stop himself, Greg rolls his eyes and returns his gaze to Mrs. Hudson.

“So he’s a surgeon then,” Sherlock speculates, but it is more of a statement than a question.

“Since he graduated,” Mrs. Hudson agrees, clearly enjoying the conversation. “Charles resigned shortly thereafter and relocated to the United States for the derby. They kept making jokes about John driving him out of the university with his shenanigans.”

“He’s been a surgeon in London for ten years,” Sherlock states and Greg’s eyes dart to him again. How the hell would he know that? But Greg doesn’t have much time to wonder before Mrs. Hudson continues.

“Oh, longer than that, dear,” she laughs. “How do they say it over there? He’s ‘bloody brilliant’?”

“He graduated in record time.”

“A full three years ahead of schedule,” she grins like any proud mother would. “Seems he has the same head for medicine that you have for observation.”

Sherlock’s eyes widen and sparkle with intrigue. Neither Mrs. Hudson nor Greg has ever seen him so invested in a person who wasn’t on wheels. Mrs. Hudson snickers.

“Surprised, dear? I do listen to your rants, you know. ‘You see, but do not observe’. I’m excited to see if you meet your match in him.”

She has a mischievous gleam in her eye. If she was anyone else, Sherlock would be in a rage, but Mrs. Hudson has always been different. He is well aware she thinks of him as a son and, with his own parents dead for nearly five years, he is inclined to think of her as a sort of surrogate mother. He has known her for a long time and, truth be told, trusts her to a fault. The decision to hire Anderson was one that had to be made quickly. Deadlines were looming and they wouldn’t have been allowed to compete for nearly an entire season without a team doctor. By the time they learned what he was doing to one of the ladies, they were in the championships and the season was almost over. Mrs. Hudson fired him on the spot, in spite of potential disqualification. After her husband’s legacy, maintaining a high level of professionalism and strict adherence to rules, both the league’s and her own, were of the utmost importance. She also had the police outside her door to arrest him as soon as he left the room.

“John and I spent the rest of the conference together,” Mrs. Hudson is saying when Sherlock tables his thoughts and returns to the conversation. “It was one of the best conferences I’ve attended, I must say. He is very genuine and honest, and very friendly. I think you will both like him once you meet him.”

“I can’t deny that Griffy vouching for him doesn’t lend credence to that, but I would like to have met him first,” Greg says carefully. “Asked him some of my own questions. Maybe had the opportunity to factor into the decision.”

“I know, Greg, I know,” she shakes her head. “You’ll just have to trust me.”

“More to Greg’s point,” Sherlock finally speaks again, “what guarantee do we have that this Watson won’t show the same disregard for ethics that Anderson did?”

“Oh, no, no, no. He would never do anything like that,” she shakes her head emphatically.

“Why not? He isn’t aged.”

“Sherlock!” Greg’s voice is quiet, but dangerous.

“He’s your age, dear,” Mrs. Hudson ignores both men and what should be an insulting remark on her advanced age. Sherlock continues to frown.

“Is he gay?”

“SHERLOCK HOLMES.”

The room is deathly silent. Mrs. Hudson has risen from her chair and crowded forward to glower down at Sherlock. There aren’t many people in the stadium who are taller than Sherlock and none when he has skates on, so when the rare opportunity to use height against him arises, everyone takes it.

“You are impetuous and driven,” Mrs. Hudson’s tone and expression are stern. Greg can’t help but think of his mother’s face during what she used to call Come to Jesus moments. “It is what makes you the best coach I have ever seen. But sometimes you’re an asshole.”

Greg’s torso lurches forward just a bit, his shoulders hunching as he bites back the bark of laughter threatening to burst from his mouth. He coughs a little, clearing his throat, trying to cover. Sherlock gives him a pointed look, clearly not buying it. Greg recovers quickly and glances from one to the other as they stare each other down.

“Sherlock, we have worked together for a long time. All of us, and we’re used to your flights of fancy. You know I could care less if you act like a spoiled school boy from time to time because, ultimately, you truly do respect everyone associated with this team,” Mrs. Hudson takes a small step back, allowing the man a little breathing room. “But you will not behave this way straight out of the gate. John has done nothing to deserve your suspicion and his credentials are impeccable. Just trust me.”

She puts her hands on her hips, but one is soon on his shoulder. Sherlock stares up at her, weighing her words carefully. He finally dips his chin in a shallow nod.

“Fine,” the word sounds like a curse on his lips, “but I want to see these ‘impeccable’ credentials for myself.”

“I wouldn’t mind seeing them as well,” Greg adds.

“Of course!” Mrs. Hudson’s draconian persona melts away and she turns for the door in a flurry. She looks back at them as she opens it. “I’ll have Allie give it to you this afternoon. We’ll talk again then. Oh! I’m late for a lunch with Daniel and Craig.”

She slips out the door, waving and pulling it shut behind. Sherlock purses his lips and turns his head to face Greg, who frowns back at him. The GM holds out a cautioning hand to Sherlock upon seeing his expression.

“Just wait until we see his file, all right.”

“This is ridiculous,” Sherlock pushes out of the chair and glides to the door. “I have a practice on.”

“She’s right, you know,” Greg says just as Sherlock’s fingers reach the knob. The coach drops his hand and looks at the ceiling.

“I know,” he replies like a sullen teenager. He meets Greg’s eyes and already knows what he is going to say next. Rolling his own eyes, he blows out a breath that flutters the curls resting on his forehead. “I’ll be nice.”

Greg lets out a huff of breath with a quiet laugh dancing around its edges and Sherlock joins with a small smile. A moment later, he opens the door to leave and Greg briefly stops him again.

“Come to my office this afternoon. Allie will have it to us within the hour,” Greg tells him. He gets a quick nod from Sherlock as he walks out the door.

*****

That’s it! I hope you liked it. My plan is to post a new chapter every Friday, or (failing that) every weekend. The story itself is finished, but I’m still typing and editing. Yes, I write on paper first. I’m old school that way. Haha.

Let me know what you think! I’m happy the hear from you and even happier to reply. Also, I’m trying to tag everyone who asked and who wanted to be tagged for Saving John Watson, but my only list is on my computer at work. ARG! Sorry! If you would like to be added or removed, please let me know. Thanks, y’all for your undying support.

@zentris @toooldforthissh-stuff @shana-movershaker @melmey-fanfics @louise175dk @221b-carefulwhatyouwishfor @technicallywiseoncns @underestimatemethatwillbefun @jhamishw @weirdlittlegoofball @superwholockpotterincamelot @superwholocklmt @ladidragonuniverse @kittenmadnessandtea @srebrnafh @welcometomyharddrive @annecumberbatch @kingdomofbrokenhearts @philliphooper @whodwantmeasaflatmate @gloriascott93 @vvaticancameoss @cow-mow @echosilverwolf @spazzz32 @absentmindedstuff

#johnlock #Johnlock fanfic #Sherlock #Sherlock Holmes #sherlockholmes #sherlock loves john #sherlock au #john watson #John loves Sherlock #sherlock john roller derby

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hellzyeahwebwielingessays · 4 years

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The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 11: MJ has sympathy for someone she would NEVER have sympathy for!*

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As the last section showed, MJ wouldn’t blindly believe in the redemption of Beck/his crew. She wouldn’t blindly trust their sincerity. Even if she did believe they were sincere she’d know better than to allow them to merely attempt reforming outside of a situation where they could be accountable. Let alone whilst they were simultaneously evading justice.

But what makes this worse is that in Beck’s case, even if Mary Jane believed every word he was saying, she specifically wouldn’t have any sympathy for him in the first place.

For starters the form of ‘redemption’ Beck has sought out entails him making a vanity project. He’s literally making a movie about himself that paints him in a positive light with the ultimate goal being to fulfil his own dream of being a filmmaker. He’s not redeeming himself through outright altruism. Even the little altruism he is engaging in involves harbouring criminals, stealing an innocent man’s identity and conning people out of their money. He doesn’t want to do something good for the world with the time he has he clearly wants to do something good for himself with the time he has and hopes that everyone else will indirectly love him for what he did.

More poignantly though, I remind you that Mary Jane went to the funeral of Karen Page, presumably because Peter’s superhero buddy Daredevil invited her. Surely MJ would remember the fate of a fellow superhero girlfriend and hold Mysterio at least somewhat accountable for her death, much as she does Norman Osborn’s for Gwen’s? And what about all the other terrible things he did in that story (like sexually abusing a teenage girl)? What about all the horrible things he did to MJ herself and/or her loved ones like faking Aunt May’s death or any of the stuff we looked at in parts 3-5?

Hell in ‘Guardian Devil’ (a story directly referenced in ASMJ #1!) Mary Jane explicitly tells Peter to not pity Mysterio and instead pity who ‘deserve it’ .

Mysterio might not be as bad as some of Peter’s other enemies but he is a pretty sick customer and MJ knows that.

Let’s consider the Chameleon for a moment. Does Mary Jane honestly believe he deserves a second chance? This guy manipulated her family by creating duplicates of Peter’s parents, caused huge grief and strife as a result and then later used Peter’s identity to try and take advantage of/kill both MJ and Aunt May. That’d be a big fat Hell no folks, of course she wouldn’t. Even if she did believe that she is not personally going to be the one to give it to him.

Now consider Mysterio. Not only does he have a similar skillset to Chameleon, but can actually apply it on a bigger scale. He doesn’t just trick you by making himself look different, he can trick you into seeing reality itself as something it isn’t and can employ drugs to that effect. This guy operates on a bigger scale than Chameleon ever did and has tried to hurt whole groups of heroes. He’s mentally attacked MJ and her loved ones multiple times!

But he gives her a sob story about dying and wanting to do something meaningful (i.e. a vanity project movie) before he croaks and MJ goes along with it?

You know I’m sure young Gwyneth might’ve wanted to do something meaningful too…before Beck drugged, sexually violated, gas lighted, chased, murdered and ultimately buried her where she’d never be found…

As for Mysterio’s assorted crew if MJ knows they are current super villains at best she has no way of knowing if they are really worthy of her sympathy. If she is as kind as possible she could rationalize that she doesn’t know their stories, so maybe some of the are decent people who strayed down the wrong path. But if she was as realistic as possible, she should realize that the majority of super villains (in her experience) are not like that and that it would be better safe than sorry. The worst thing turning them in would do is embitter people who’ve already committed crimes worthy of punishment.** At best all it’d do is protect herself, potentially innocent people and her family (who we will speak more about soon).

Next time though we return to a topic touched upon in the last part and examine if MJ and Mysterio are really ‘kindred spirits’.

*I admit I’m being slightly hyperbolic. MJ might sympathise with Beck’s impending death on a basic human level and there could always be exceptions. The point is 9/10 she wouldn’t sympathise with him and this is one of those 9 times.

**Unlike in the real world, in the Marvel Universe super villains are 99% definitely guilty of the crimes they’ve been accused of.

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#Amazing Mary Jane #Mysterio #Quentin Beck #Spider-Man #Leah Williams #mjwatsonedit #mary jane watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker #MJ Watson #peter parker

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homenum-revelio-hq · 4 years

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Welcome (back) to the Order of the Phoenix, Ashley!

You have been accepted for the role of non-biography character CORDELIA GREENGRASS with the faceclaim of Sarah Bolger! We were excited to see how you incorporated Cordelia into the over-arching plot in new ways, particularly with her connection to Ryland and the dark object realm. We think it’ll be extremely interesting seeing a character who is just on the cusp of the Order getting fully ingrained, especially as Cordelia hasn’t even completely discovered the organization yet!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Ashley

AGE: 25+

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I wish I was in quarantine, but I’m currently working part time; still, I’m on almost every night and I’m easily bored so I’m active 8/10?

ANYTHING ELSE: Not that I can think of.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Cordelia Jane Greengrass

AGE: 25 (September 12th, 1956)

GENDER, PRONOUNS, AND SEXUALITY: CIS!Female, She/Her, Considers herself Heterosexual because that’s all she knows, she’s never once questioned it. However, since she’s never been very open minded about it because of her upbringing, she may in fact be pan or something else, but she just hasn’t realized it yet.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Ravenclaw

ANY CHANGES: N/A

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Three words have been used to describe Cora throughout her life; Pretty. Naive. Disappointment.

The disappointment started the day she was born; a tiny baby girl and not the second son that her parents had expected and wanted. After all, with their family in general, the second son had been needed, as her father had always been apt to pointing out. However, although she was a girl, that didn’t make her completely useless. Rather disappointing, yes, but they’d had strong matriarchs before, just look at her grandmother. So, although she wasn’t the son they were wanting, she was a child that they would love and would be able to follow their footsteps in the family business; because that was what was important.

From a very young age, her mother and father were very strict about what she would learn, how she would learn it, and they tried their best to drill into her head the fact that she would, as her brother would, be working for the family business. She was expected to learn a lot; not only manners and curtsy’s, but history and power. She would learn how to appear meek to those in front of her, while plotting their demise behind their backs. She could recite up to nine generations of their family at the age of six, and could follow the branches of their family out five degrees; because they instilled in her that knowing who your family was was very important, and to know which branches needed ‘pruning’ and which didn’t. Cora loved learning. Just… not her parents way of doing it. The idea of being a pureblood princess enticed her the most. She learned very quickly to curtsy, she adored dressing up in dresses and gowns, hair done up, jewels on. She walked as if she were floating, and adored the way it made her feel. She also didn’t mind learning the history of their family, and felt as if family were one of the most important things in the world. There was a reason they were purebloods and a reason why family was so important, and she would have to continue that legacy and all that went with it.

However, her parents way of drilling things into her and making her learn so much about business and what she would be doing when she grew up was absolutely not her idea of what she wanted her life to be like. Cora loved learning, but on her own time. There were way too many times where they’d find the work they’d given her abandoned in some corner, while Cora was off playing with her dolls, or hiking her skirt up to go running and playing outside, or doing some household chore while the house-elf fretted about behind her, because they were supposed to be the one doing it. Cora didn’t mind at all, in fact she would have rather been playing house than anything else. But as they punished her for it, they kept telling her that that wasn’t what she was meant to be doing, and they weren’t happy with it.

She naively believed, however, that her parents were just trying so hard to help her get ahead in life, and that one day they’d understand, and one day they’d let her choose what she wanted to be. So, while she easily played the dutiful daughter, trying to keep up with the work they’d given her, pretending to be decoration at the pureblood parties and occasions she went to, all the while listening for information that she could use and report back to her family, she also dreamed of something so different from what they had planned for her. She wanted to just be able to stay home and host the parties, not be out there working and keeping up with the scary things her family was doing. Was that such a bad thing?

Although they had wanted her to be a Slytherin like themselves and her brother, and it was just a slight disappointment, they were also rather proud of her for getting herself into Ravenclaw. Her mother liked to brag that it was all the schooling she’d done for her, before she’d gone off to Hogwarts, that had made Cora so ready for getting into Ravenclaw. They also pointed out that she could keep an eye on her cousin and report back to them; because that was more she had to learn, being able to pass information and to keep an eye on those around her, for the needed information and time to act.

And she was smart. Naive and air-headed as well, but smart on the uptake. It was structure and math that gave her trouble, and were always the last things she wanted to do. She could read for hours. She could dive into history and thirsted for information to add to her collection; but on her own time and she did struggle slightly with the structure of everything. It was important though, and her mother’s letters were always one to reaffirm that; she had to learn to do what was necessary for the family business. She needed to focus and pay attention, but Cora didn’t want to.

Instead of excelling in business related things, Cora excelled in all the things her parents didn’t need her to. She loved to bake (mostly the tea cakes she always made with her grandmother, but lots of other things as well), she loved to cook, to clean, to sew, to knit. She didn’t mind doing all of it, and enjoyed it more than anything. Her parents didn’t agree with it at all, telling her that she would never need to do any of that, and it frustrated her so much. What if she didn’t want to join the family business? Wouldn’t she be allowed to do what she wanted? She was a pureblood, after all, didn’t that count for anything?

She tried. Cora really tried. Despite hating it, she took the classes her parents wanted her to take, she tried to follow in her brother’s footsteps and not those of her cousin’s. She tried to stay away from any mudbloods that might cross her path, and she tried to remember what her parents plans were, no matter how much she disagreed with them. What was so wrong with wanting to be a proper little pureblood princess, instead of a cutthroat business woman, she wondered. Not that she didn’t like those that were, but that wasn’t what she saw for herself, and her heart ached for being herself, to prove herself to her family.

There was a boy though, a boy who caught her attention, one that she wasn’t sure about at first. He was a halfblood, a boy with a witch for a mother and a muggle for a father, and not the sort she should have been hanging around with. He adored her though, and he was so kind. He gave her attention, offered to carry her books for her, brought her food, and brought her flowers. Cora, despite how embarrassed she was at first, loved the attention and the way he made her feel. She absolutely knew her parents wouldn’t approve of him, but she couldn’t help but wonder if they’d make an exception for her, because she was in love. Yes, she knew about how her family treated her cousin’s branch of the family, but with him assuring her it would be okay, and her boyfriends words as well… she naively though it would be alright.

Of course, she didn’t tell her parents at first. For two years, she did her best to keep them under the radar. She’d gotten good at appearing meek but being sharp witted underneath, naive but smart as well, and while her friends and cousin knew, no one else had gotten wind of it; after all, the last thing she needed was another pureblood to decide to go running off to her parents, or worse, her brother, and tell them what exactly she was doing. She was growing emboldened as graduation grew near, however, talking with the boy about how they’d get married, how he’d get a job, they could get their own place, have children and she could raise them, being a perfect little housewife. How, once she told them, her parents would have to accept them for what they wanted to do.

Apparently, the boy had taken all of that as talk that would happen far after graduation, and not the second they left school. Perhaps Cora had been naive enough to believe that he understood how she wanted things to go, or childish enough to believe that her plan would work out that easily, that if they married, her parents would have no choice but to understand that this was how she wanted her life to go, and they’d back off of what they were demanding of her. When she boldly decided to propose marriage to him the day before graduation, it had not gone over smoothly. It had not gone well at all. He’d looked at her like she’d lost her mind, and even had the nerve to laugh in her face before leaving her.

Her parents hadn’t taken it any better. They’d scolded her for dating such a boy, they’d scolded her for proposing to him, and scolded her for what she wanted to do. Didn’t she want to make something of herself? Didn’t she want to get involved in the family business? Didn’t she understand that she couldn’t just sit around and be a stay at home mother? They just didn’t understand, and Cora felt heartbroken at the fact that they were so disappointed in her for her dreams being different than theirs. Both that, and losing her boyfriend that she had been so sure loved her enough to want to get married that young too, caused her to withdraw from the public eye for a few months.

Still, once graduation happened, she had to do something. Her parents weren’t about to let her just sit around and collect dust. They’d assured her that they would try and look into making matches for her, if that was what she wanted, for her to marry a pureblood and not a half-blood, but she was going to have to work as well. She was going to have to at least work for the front of the business, until they decided she was ready to work for the real business. She would have to prove herself and get better at the skills she needed for it, so working for the front would be a great start for her.

Only, Cora hated every moment of it.

The family business front was bad enough, but the real business was even worse. Cora felt gross and unhappy with both of them. The horses weren’t so bad, of course. She did enjoy going with her father and brother when they went out to see the ranches they were selling to, and to admire the horses the families had, but everything else? She hated the smell of the hay, hated even more the smell of the manure, and the dark objects? Well, Cora had nightmares and the thought of those dark objects being sold and shipped off to other people, to even more dangerous people? Those scared her even more.

Cora knew too, of her family’s place in society, of her father and her brother being Death Eaters for this Dark Lord. To her, none of it made any sense. Hogwarts and her boyfriend had opened her eyes to what could be different, and the things she wanted most lied outside of what her parents wanted. The dark object, the way her father and brother spoke against muggles and those that were different than them, none of it made sense to Cora and she wished she knew why they thought like that; where was the logic in a world that was so scary and awful?

When she found out that her family had Ryland in the basement, Cora was horrified and disgusted with them. Not surprised, unfortunately, but horrified that her family had gone so far as to do that, especially to someone who was blood. The first thought in her mind was to march down there and help him somehow; but how was a girl such as herself supposed to something like that? She loved her family, and she was afraid of their reaction to her doing such a thing. She knew it wouldn’t have worked, she told herself, she’d only have put them into even more danger. She couldn’t face him, either. She was terrified that he’d hate her, that he’d blame her for going along with them, and how was she to explain that she had no choice? That she was so scared and there was nothing she could do for him, no matter how desperately she wanted to?

Only, there at least was something she could do. She hadn’t thought that it would work, in all honesty. There had been whispers, rumors of a club, of a group, that was against the Dark Lord and his followers. They spoke of how this group was protecting the muggles, trying to keep the world safe. She wasn’t exactly sure of who was in this group, or how they worked, or even if it really was possible for them to save Ryland; but she had to at least try. And so, speaking to a friend who she felt was well connected and may have been able to do something, she offhandedly mentioned that Ryland was being kept in their basement and she was upset about it. Nothing explicit to cause it to get back to her parents and have them angry at her, but enough to get that information out. And that’s where she found hope.

Ryland had been rescued, and she heard her father and brother raging over the fact that he was gone, about what they’d have to answer for, and how much trouble this was going to put them into. They had raged so much, but Cora couldn’t help but latch onto the one thing she’d been looking for; the assurance that this group was out there, that they had enough power and wit to break into their home and rescue Ryland, and that there was a fighting chance. It was more hope than she’d ever expected to find, in all honesty, and she was grateful for it. This was what they needed, this was what she needed.

That hope had her excited; because although she loved her family more than anything, she didn’t want anything to do with what they were doing. She didn’t want to be involved with this Dark Lord and his idea of purebloods only. She didn’t want to be involved in her family’s trade of the dark objects that could hurt or kill people. She didn’t want to be involved in some business that was dangerous and out to get rid of those muggle things she’d come to love, and the boyfriend that she missed having love her. All Cora wanted was to be able to fall in love with whomever she wanted, and to be able to have her own dream, to stay at home and have children, and to have that choice.

And so, despite the fear that was involved, seeing that this club was real had her off to try and see if they’d let her in to help.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Born to Verner and Olivia Greengrass, Cordelia was not the second son they were hoping for, but a girl that pretty and quick witted. As with her older brother, they began teaching Cordelia about the family and their expectations for her in the family business from the time she was able to talk. They had great expectations for them, teaching them to be able to recite family history, to know which branches of the family were important and which weren’t, and to understand that although she may look meek to others, she had to be witty and strong when they were least expecting it.

The family business was in two parts; the first one being the front for the real family business behind it. Shipping and trade. Her parents owned land where they grew feed for horses. They would sell the feed to ranches, while then buying the horse manure from those ranches to serve as fertilizer for more feed. Of course, while some of the manure would go for that, it was also sold off to other buyers. Not for the manure, of course. But to hide the rest of the business, which comprised of Dark Objects. Yes, the family was trafficking in the dark arts, in objects that were dangerous and could do so much harm. Their business not only was successful, but also gave them quite a tie to the Dark Lord as well. Their family was one divided; their branch and the branch of Ryland’s father were very different, and Cora was rather sure her cousin and his parents didn’t know about her father and brother’s dealings. Not that she would mention them out loud anyway, especially when she didn’t want to believe they were true or be involved herself. Not to mention, there was so much fighting and arguing. Their grandmother had an iron grip as she fought to keep the family together, and Cora had learned from a young age to 'play nice’, although she felt like her father and brother had missed that memo from her grandmother.

Her parents had strong opinions on purebloods, how they felt about her aunt and people who weren’t like them, and about the muggle world; all of which Cora heard and felt like she had to believe in, but really didn’t want to. Sure, her parents wouldn’t say those nasty thing about her aunt to her face, but Cora heard them enough growing up that it made her gut twist uncomfortably, not getting why they’d say things like that. Still, it wasn’t just them saying things; her cousin would always pick fights with her brother and father. However, in truth, she loved listening to her cousin, enjoying the difference of opinions and thinking he made good points, to which it didn’t’ seem her family could counter.

Still, her family was what she loved the most, and Cora admired her grandmother the most. If she could keep the family going and from completely falling apart, then she felt like she could believe in anything. After all, Cora wanted to model herself after her grandmother; a strong family woman, who kept her family close even in dark times. Though, Cora wanted that to include getting to be a stay at home mother, not going out to work while doing it all.

As she grew, however, Cora realized what her family really was, what they were really involved in, and what she was expected to eventually be involved in after school. And while she had really never given it much thought when she was young (too busy off playing dolls and putting off the 'stupid math’, instead of learning business practices without paying attention to the business), realizing just what she was expected to take part in made her take a hard look at what was going on. She didn’t want to be involved in such dark things, and the thought that that was what was planned for her didn’t sit well.

Verner and Lachlan are both Death Eaters, and Cora knows that for sure. After all, especially with the sale of Dark Objects, it’s not that hard for her to realize just how bad things are. They want her to help. They want her to be complicit in all of it. And while she is technically, with the fact that she’s working for the business front, she is desperate to find a way out before she’s made to start working with the back business. She needs to get out of there, before things get even worse and she’s stuck in something she can’t get out of.

Her grandmothers words ring in her ears though; 'make nice’ and keep the family together. She loves them, she really does, and she knows they love her and want the best for her, for her to make something of herself, and not just be stuck at home all of her life. She doesn’t want to see them hurt, and she surely doesn’t want to see them dead; it’s just that she can’t follow in their footsteps, she can’t be a death eater, she can’t be complicit in what is happening.

Not only that, but as her family keeps being such staunch supporters, Cora is terrified that while her grandmother is trying so hard to keep the family together, it can’t hold forever. One day that grip isn’t going to be enough, and then it’s going to be every man for themselves, no matter how much they love each other.

OCCUPATION:

Cora is currently working for Greengrass Industries, the business front where her family sells feed for horses and buys the manure. It’s not something she wants to do, and for now they’ve got her as a secretary to her father; both so he can keep an eye on her, and so he can try and teach her more of the business aspect of it. She’s awful with numbers though, through no fault of her own, although her parents feel convinced she just doesn’t want to learn. She occasionally goes out on calls with him to the ranches to meet the clients and to see the horses they’re selling for. However, they are still trying to groom her to work for the back business, which she doesn’t want to do.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Right now I believe she’d be considered an affiliate, since she hadn’t quite joined the order yet? But finding out that there is a force out there, that there is a group who is trying to fight the Dark Lord, trying to save everything her ex told her about and loved, and trying to take down the dark forces she’s so afraid of? She’s excited and hopeful, something she hasn’t felt in quite awhile. She wasn’t sure if it was real at first, despite the whispering she’d heard about it; but being able to tip off the group about Ryland and seeing that her tip WORKED and that they had enough power and wit to get him out of there, has her determined that they’re worth it and that she wants to join and be able to help, because that’s important to her.

SURVIVAL:

Being a Greengrass, a pureblood, and being able to use what her family has taught her growing up, Cora has got a lot going for her in the way of survival. Her parents love and adore her, and want her safe. They do want her working for the family business, despite her not wanting to, but they believe it’s whats best for her. She’s living with her family, she’s got food, shelter, money, and she’s being the good daughter as much as she can be. She feels like she really has no real worries about surviving, because she’s sure that they would protect her and keep her safe.

However, her deciding that she’s going to go and join the Order and rebel against them? Well, if they were ever to find out about that, there’s no telling what would happen to her. Look how they treat her cousins’ branch of the family, look at how they were disappointed about the way she wanted to live, instead of doing what they want. And, look at the fact that they’re staunch supporters of the Dark Lord. So, as long as she keeps up the pretense that she’s good at, about being in their corner, she feels like she should be okay. But otherwise? She’s not sure completely about how things will be going.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Ryland Greengrass - He cousin, though they’ve never been particularly close. She knows about her parents feelings towards his branch of the family. She also knows that he’s always argued with her brother and that there’s always been a rift that’s threatening everything. However, she was a year below him in school and in the same house, and while neither of them would ever say that they’re friends, they weren’t enemies either. She at first thought that she was 'keeping an eye on him’ for the family, but after the first two years or so at school, realized she didn’t want to. And, he had kept an eye out for her where possible, making sure she didn’t study to the point of a breakdown, and that she ate. She was also grateful for him, for having not been upset at seeing her boyfriend, not telling her parents, and telling her that it would be okay. She hadn’t been too happy with him when the boy broke her heart, but that was an entirely different thing. When she knew that her parents had him in captivity, she felt guilty and heartbroken, and had wanted to somehow help him, though she hadn’t tried to release him herself, because she felt she would never be able to. However, she was the one to tip off someone, which then had led to him being rescued. That rescue is what gave her the courage to go find the order, however, although she isn’t exactly sure what his reaction is going to be when they meet face to face once more.

Marlene McKinnon - The Greengrass family sells the feed for the horses on the McKinnon Ranch, and buy the manure from them. They are one of their main customers, and Cora has gone a few times with her father to see what happens and to learn the business. She probably looked slightly out of place, being a little uneasy about the gross aspects of it, and wanting to keep her dress clean, but Cora also fell in love with the horses, so she didn’t think it was all bad.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: Cora/Chemistry is what I ship. Pretty much she’s open for anything!

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Being a Greengrass and a pureblood, Cora has a lot of privileges afforded to her. She has a place to live at home with her parents, she has money and anything that she asks for, she has a job, and she has plenty of beautiful clothes and accessories. She’s smart and quick-witted, and is great at pretending to be meek and quiet when she’s around others, but smart enough underneath as her parents have taught her. She’s pretty set when it comes to a lot of things, except maybe for being able to follow her own dreams.

She does have some biases that she hasn’t quite grown out of though; despite Hogwarts and her ex-boyfriend having opened her mind some, or the fact that she is learning more and more about her parents and brother’s involvement, and how she doesn’t want to be going down the same path as they are. She does still tend to use the word mudblood a lot, and she does still tend to think that purebloods are better than muggleborns and even most half-bloods. She struggles with it a lot, because of all that her parents have to say, and being in the scenario where she’s still living with them and learning from them as she is. So, it’s going to be a bit before she can stop being such a jerk and learn to be a little better.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

I LOVE YOU GUYS. This roleplay is amazing and wonderful, and it’s home. I honestly love it here so much, and I’m excited and nervous to bring in another child to this awesome place.

PLOT DROP IDEAS:

- I’d love for Cora to have not been added to the order just yet, and for her to maybe have a mutual friend that she tipped off in the order that was the reason Ryland got rescued, and as you said, for that to be her In to the Order. I’m interested to see all the friction it brings.

ANYTHING ELSE? Not that I can think of.

EXTRA FOR NON-BIO CHARACTERS:

PAST:

Born into the Greengrass family, Cora was a slight disappointment to her parents, as they were expecting and wanting another boy, and for her brother, who’d wanted a younger brother as well. Still, she was a child they loved and cared for, and had big expectations for her as well. Taught from a young age that family and purebloods were of huge importance, Cora could name back nine generations by the age of six, and could trace the branches of the family out, all very important things for her to keep an eye on. She was taught to be meek but ruthless underneath, and that she was going to be working in the family business when she was out of Hogwarts. However, Cora had no interest in the family business, and although she loved learning, she didn’t like her parents way of doing it all. Cora wanted nothing more than to be able to marry and stay at home being a prim little housewife, but her parents wanted more for her, they said, and for her to make something of herself, she would need to be involved in the family business. Cora fell in love at Hogwarts though, with a halfblood who had a muggle father, and while she didn’t think her parents would agree with him, all the talk they had about getting married and starting a family emboldened her, and so when graduation came, she proposed. She proposed to him, only to have her heart broken when he told her he wasn’t ready and he didn’t know what she was thinking.

PRESENT:

After disappearing for a few month out of the public eye, Cora returned once more to the pureblood scene. Her parents had allowed her to still live at home and showered her with love and affection, despite stills saying that the boy clearly wasn’t right for her. They assured her they’d look for a pureblood match for her, but other things were more important; like the family business. Cora, despite her reservations, began working at the front of the family business, with her parents planning for, once she had enough training, her to move to the real family business which was dark objects. For now, it’s the sell of feed for horses that she’s working in, and visiting ranches. Still, it’s not her dream. While living at home, her discovery that her family had her cousin Ryland captured and in the basement being tortured, horrified her. She wanted to help, but couldn’t think of a way to do it; other than mentioning it offhandedly to a friend in hopes that they would know of something to do. Upon realizing that the whispers of a force that’s working for the good are real when Ryland is rescued, Cora has found hope. Hope that she won’t have to follow in what her family wants, hope that she won’t have to work with dark objects, and hope that maybe one day, she can follow her own dreams instead of being a Death Eater liker her family is. She wants to work on the side of good, not evil.

FC CHOICES: Adelaide Kane, Sarah Bolger, Eleanor Tomlinson

#homenumaccepted

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hub-pub-bub · 5 years

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Whether you’re currently writing a book, querying agents or on submission to publishers, allow me to share this small-but-important truth: There’s an editor out there right now—sorting stacks of pitch letters, book proposals and manuscripts, thumbing through literary agent submissions, reading selections of the manuscripts she requested from authors directly—who is seeking to buy a book similar to yours.

So, in a sense, your future editor is out there thinking about you.

Picture this person for a moment: Perhaps she’s an associate editor for a mid-level imprint, working her way up at a growing publishing company. She majored in creative writing or English literature or journalism in college, where she developed a passion for Jane Austen or Jack Kerouac, Joan Didion or Anne Lamott. Whoever her muse, she knows good writing when she sees it. She wrote articles for the school newspaper or poems for the literary journal, nabbed a good internship after college and she’s worked hard ever since to finally land her dream job—acquiring and editing books full time and getting paid for it!

The 7 Deadly Sins of Novelists (According to Editors)

Now she fills the role of champion for her authors and books. She pitches the books she discovers to her own internal publishing team, during which she makes a case for both the editorial and business side for acquiring said manuscripts.

Her boss expects her to acquire a handful of new books every year, and though she’s still learning and growing into the job, in part, her performance is tied to the performance of her selections. If she acquires and takes a huge financial risk on a book and it bombs a year later, it reflects on her directly. Of course, like anyone in a new position, she needs time to grow and, sure, she might have more seasoned editors guiding her through this journey. But eventually, given a couple of years, her acquisitions become hers to own.

Does all of this create a little pressure on our friendly associate editor? You bet.

Every editor’s list of acquisitions is viewed (especially by management) as their own personal business within the greater publishing company, complete with its own profit and loss statement (P and L). As a result, each individual book might get more or less scrutiny depending on how it fits into the greater scheme. The worse the editor’s books perform, the harder time she’ll have convincing her team to take risks on her projects in the future.

When you’re writing a book, preparing a proposal or query (for publishers or literary agents, because agents make decisions based on whether they think a publisher will be interested), it’s important to think about your future editor. He is a human being, just like you, and every day he is facing the very real difficulties of the changing market, the shifting retail landscape and his own internal company pressures. He, like many editors in this business, hopes to come across something special—a work of unique power or appeal or finesse or authority—that makes him feel like he did in college when he read Jack Kerouac.

As someone who once sat in the editor’s chair at publishers large and small, I know those simultaneous pressures and hopes firsthand. My first publishing job was as a junior editor acquiring and editing 10–12 books a year for a small, family-owned press. To be honest, for a long time I had no idea what I was doing—but I worked hard and soaked up every lesson I could. Despite my inexperience, over the course of several fairly successful years, I found myself the publisher of that small imprint: hustling to make budgets; publishing competitive, influential books; learning the fast-changing worlds of marketing and publicity; and managing a team that shared my goals.

1. Do Your Homework

Every category and genre of publishing is governed by unspoken rules. In the world of traditional trade book publishing, fiction and nonfiction aren’t the same. For instance, most editors sign nonfiction book deals based on one to two chapters. But for fiction, and especially with first-time novelists, editors typically need to read the full manuscript before a deal is done.

If you’re submitting the next high-concept business book to an experienced agent, or an editor at a business imprint, make sure you’ve done your research. Do you know what other books the literary agent has represented, or the editor has acquired in the recent past? Has that press recently published a book like yours?

Immerse yourself in books similar to your own. Read in the category, but also study the jacket, the acknowledgements page, the author’s blog and their previous books. Conduct industry research on publishing houses, editors and literary agents through sites like Publishers Weekly. Attend a conference, watch lectures on YouTube. Read relevant articles, essays and blog posts.

To know a category is to know the world in which your future editor lives every day.

2. Use Concise Communication

The volume of reading material that accrues on the desks of editors and literary agents is immense. These folks read mountains of content every day, sifting through stacks of submissions for eye-catching queries.

Which is why yours should get right to the point—in such a way that compels them to read more. Don’t belabor your initial synopsis or write a three-page email. If in doubt, the fewer words the better. Share a little about yourself, but only the most relevant points.

Most important: Any sample writing you include should read fast and clean. Editors aren’t looking for reasons to reject, per se, but when inundated, it’s far too easy to dismiss a submission for little things like spelling errors, awkward phrasing or poor formatting.

3. Sign With an Agent

Inking a contract with a good literary agent can help avoid some of the above issues. When on submission to publishers, agents almost always get a faster read than unsolicited queries—especially in certain categories. There are several reasons why this is the case. First, most literary agents take the time to build relationships (and a level of trust) with acquisition editors in the genres they work within. Second, because publishing professionals have such limited time, agents effectively serve as a filter, siphoning in projects with higher-caliber content. Plus, most have also taken the time to work with their authors to develop and shape their book concepts, which adds additional value for the publisher.

I’ve also had countless conversations with authors who published their books agentless, and suddenly found themselves in a strange new world with no idea how to navigate it. Their books released to the world and their lofty publishing dreams slowly wilted as they made mistakes, agreed to bad contractual terms, blindly trusted editors, or neglected their marketing and publicity campaigns. The best literary agents act as a trusted guide, thinking through these details long before a deal ever comes to fruition.

4. Grow Your Platform

Here’s a fact of life in modern publishing: Attracting (and holding) attention is difficult in any medium, especially in a world of social media, streaming television and unlimited self-publishing. As a result, presses look for projects with a built-in audience. It’s thus through a platform that authors can do just that.

I define platform as any outward-facing method a writer uses to attract a readership prior to publishing—which will, in theory, translate to that readership purchasing the writer’s book. It can manifest as anything from a YouTube channel, podcast, blog or Twitter following to an email newsletter or college classroom.

Think of your writing as a business, and take the initiative to build your influence via a robust platform, which will only increase your chances of publishing.

5. Forge a Relationship

Once you sign a book deal, you’ll be assigned a “champion.” More often than not, that person is an acquisitions editor or developmental editor, but it may also be the marketing manager or the publisher herself. While every press is different, often that person is your point of contact throughout the publishing process—from beginning to end.

Whoever your point person, be intentional in building that relationship. If possible, meet your champion face-to-face, or at least set up regular phone calls. Get to know her. This small investment of time and effort on your part can pay off big in the long run.

I’ve seen authors send a nice handwritten note after a meeting or a phone call, thanking the participants for their time. And sometimes I’ve seen those simple thank yous tacked to the wall of an editor’s office years later. A small, kind act goes a long way, and when you need a favor down the road, your champion will remember you.

Guide to Literary Agents 2019

6. Remember to Engage

Shift your thinking about the publishing process: Turning in your manuscript is not the end, but the beginning. The more engaged you are at each subsequent stage, the better chance your book has of making an impact in the market. Writing a terrific manuscript is step one, but you must also help to market, publicize and sell.

Seek to be included in the key publishing decisions along the way, including the final title, cover design, marketing and publicity strategy and so on. Believe it or not, each of these things is regularly decided without the author’s input—but by becoming a part of these decisions, you can bring your vision to the table.

7. Be Your Book’s CMO

Remember: You are your book’s Chief Marketing Officer. You are its first and last advocate. Be clear that this book is still your baby, while remaining cordial and professional.

Consider setting aside some of your advance (if you received one) to help market your book when the time comes. Thinking that far ahead is tough, but every bit of marketing is important: strong Book 1 sales pave the way for Book 2.

If you know your publisher’s marketing strategy (presuming you’ve stayed engaged in the process), then you can supplement it. For example, if the publisher focuses on store placement, ads in industry magazines, focused banner ads and a book tour, then perhaps you invest in hiring a freelance publicist to line up TV, radio or print interviews.

Once you’ve garnered a book deal, it’s easy to sit back and let the professionals handle everything for you. But resist, for your own sake (and the sake of your book). Your book is your baby. When it gets out into the world, you’re the best one to teach it how to walk.

You’ve devoted hours, days, months—even years— to writing and editing your novel or nonfiction book. With all that time invested, it’s natural to want recognition for your hard work and dedication. Take your writing one step further and tackle the publishing process. When you enroll in this online course, you’ll learn the details of the query letter format and how to write a query letter that catches the attention of agents and publishers. Learn more and register.

#writing #writers #authors #editors #publishing

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multifandomaddictedfangirl · 6 years

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Misconceptions about Breaking bad ~ my theory (Spoilers!)

So I’ve just finished watching Breaking Bad. All seasons. I really loved the show. It was well written, well directed, well thought in every details, very well played with such talented actors. It is a masterpiece. Clearly, it was a show that had been thought of and worked on for a while to be perfect (like no plot holes, no OOC actions, no wasted moments, no pointless moves, no useless lines, etc.). Besides, this show had everything: badass action, fighting scenes, tension, drama (big time), humor sometimes (not often) and emotions (a lot).

However, I think there is a HUGE misunderstanding to what this show is about and an ENORMOUS misconception of why it’s so good and really likeable.

A lot of people I have met IRL, or read online, really loved this show as well. That’s not a surprise. As I’ve said, this show was really good for a lot of reasons and I will never deny that.

But as I was reading them/talking to them IRL, I’ve realised something. They loved Breaking Bad because they loved the story and the character of Walter White. They loved the story of an american middle aged white man, with a normal life, a traditional family and a boring job, becoming this super extra badass who ends up building and controlling a meth empire. Usually, they particularly loved season 3-4 when Walt is supposedly at its greatest moments. They loved Walter White and what he has become: a badass, a smart ass meth dealer, a dominating boss, a good provider for his family... a real man. They loved him as a hero. They loved him as a protagonist who should succeed and get what he wants in the end. They loved him as a character that they were rooting for. They also loved the dream of a normal guy starting off nothing and ending up being the big boss in the game. They loved the idea of having this exciting/dangerous/ illegal/ outlawed/badass “dream life”. Like in an action movie. They loved the fantasy that Breaking Bad exposes.

So here’s the thing... Those people don’t like Breaking Bad. Because that’s not the show. That’s not its point. That’s not its essence. That’s not what it’s trying to show us. That’s not what it’s about. At all.

Obviously, there are multiple interpretations and levels of lecture in a piece of art. And I don’t think some are overall better than others. I think it’s pretty condescending and arrogant to believe there is a “good way” of consuming medias/arts, and a “bad way”. There are just different ways. And that’s great.

However, if you pay attention to the show, for like 10 minutes, it’s pretty clear what it is about.

Breaking Bad is a criticism of Walter White and of this fantasy of a badass action-movie lifestyle. The whole point of the show is basically to say: “Look at that kind of lifestyle society makes you fantasise about, and look how you really don’t want to have it cause it actually sucks. Look at how you DON’T and SHOULDN’T want to become Walter White.”

Walter White isn’t portrayed as a glorious badass mastermind hero by the show. He shouldn’t be read like that. Of course, he is the main protagonist and so, the audience is meant to follow his story. But Walt is first portrayed as a bad guy. Not only like a villain. But as a bad person. Someone you should despise for his personality. Someone who should disgust you. Someone you should hate for who he truly is. Someone you shouldn’t be rooting for. Someone you should quite quickly want dead.

When the show begins, yes, he is portrayed as a normal family man, working a basic job, providing for his family which he seems to care about. But the show already makes it clear that he is a very proud man, who thinks he deserves better than his current life, who thinks he can do better and have better just because. Just cause he is Walter White, a chemistry genius. His world, what he has, doesn’t seem to be enough for him.

(Btw some of my friends argued that Walter White wasn’t such a bad person in the beginning of the show, and that “the meth dealing turned him into an asshole”. While I would agree with that, I also wanna point out that in the beginning of the show, Walt isn’t the greatest person neither... His life is built around a very sexist scheme. He always expects Skyler to do breakfast for him and basically all the housework, because she is his housewife and that’s the way things are supposed to be. We never see him being grateful for what she does. If he’s the only one working, “providing for his family”, it’s more likely because he didn’t want Skyler to. Skyler is a competent woman, she could have found a job with a better income than high school teacher. But I don’t think Walt, fulled with pride, would have accepted to be taken care of by his wife. He wanted to be the alfa male since day one. Because he more likely already had internalised pride, sexism and toxic masculinity and fake virility. We never see him share his true feelings with Skyler. He doesn’t want to look vulnerable. Never. He’s never real with anybody. He refuses to admit that he feels bad about his life and prefers to hide behind a mask, which he will continue to do throughout the show. Because expressing your true feelings to someone who cares about you is not an alfa male move, so Walt rejects this idea. So no, I don’t believe Walter White was such a great person in the beginning. He already was an asshole. He just became waaaaaaaay worse.)

Anyway, then he got diagnosed with cancer. And the money issue appears. If the family pays for Walter’s chemotherapy, they will take a huge risk of bankrupt. They need more money. The family needs more money. But let’s note that Walt’s friends, Eliot and Gretchen, DO propose to pay for his therapy. But Walter refuses, again because of his pride. All the events that follow, all the murders, all the meth dealing, all the horrors, EVERYTHING could have been avoided if Walter White hadn’t decided to be an arrogant jerk and say “suck it” to genuine help.

The money and the (supposedly) rightful idea providing for his family will be Walter’s justifications for ALL his actions during the ENTIRE show (even when his cancer is cured and the family doesn’t necessarily needs this huge amount of money anymore).

The truth is Walt never just wanted the money for chemotherapy or to help his family. He wanted the money because money equals power and influence. And Walt dreamed of power and control over the others. He wanted to be the only one capable of providing, the one everyone else would praise, admire and thank for the rest of his life. He wanted to be a god. Before even cooking his first batch, he already was a narcissist self-centered and arrogant prick, only thinking about his own good.

When he starts to cook meth, it just becomes even worse. The show gets darker, bloodier, more violent. Everything breaks bad, as thev title of the show clearly explicits. Walt finds a new way to express his desire of control, his dream of being finally respected/feared, and the silent violence which he was hidding inside of him.

(I think Walt somehow wants to turn the symbolic violence he was victim of (not being manly enough, especially compared to his brother-in-law, Hank who kinda bullies him in the beginning of the show) into a physical violence he is now in control of).

He then becomes a monster, who is capable of the most cruel, creepy, insane actions to get what he wants. He completely looses sense of reality. If we sum up what he did: he started cooking meth, he missed his daughter’s birth because of the meth dealing, he lied to everybody who cared about him, he tricked his DEA agent brother-in-law Hank, he mentally abused and manipulated Jesse to make him his puppet, he provoked Hank’s accident paralysing him for a while, he turned Junior against Skyler, he abused Skyler and made her part of his business letting her no other choice, he killed Gus’s men, he disolved murdered bodies in acid, he let Jane died while he could have saved her, he made Jesse kill Gale, he blew up a old people’s house killing Gus and hurting multiple innocents, he told nazis where Andrea lived and therefore caused her death, he ordered killings in prison, he blackmailed Hank with a fake confession video, he kidnapped Holly, he caused Hank and Gomez’s deaths, he killed Krazy8, he killed Mike, and he poisoned a child.

And the show makes it pretty clear that it’s not sane, that NONE of this is cool/badass, that it’s just miserable actions provoked by a desperate man, that it will just bring him sadness, loneliness, loss, misery and disfurtune, that Walt slowly but surely goes down this path of destruction and cruelty and that he will never come back. That what he once had (a family who loved and respected him, friends who cared about him, friendly neighbors, a stable job which had always been enough to provide for the family, a beautiful house, a great life, really) will be gone forever. And he will never get all of that back. Even if Walt just realises that in the final episodes.

His problematic lack of trust (even towards Jesse who never betrayed him!), his egocentric paranoia (the fact that he always thinks he is the center of some sort of conspiracy in the meth empire, despite the fact that it is a huge business and he is just not alone in this), his insane quest of power (the fact that he is never happy with what he has and always wants to extend his market/to extend his influence) and his huge PRIDE will always and constantly lead him to making huge mistakes and screwing up everything, making everything way worse. Walt is often the cause of his own failures.

But rather than learning from his mistakes, grow up and adapt, those mistakes just reinforce his beliefs, his fears, his desires, and justifies somehow even more his further actions. Walt is stuck in a vicious circle that, you know already from season 1-2, will lead him towards his end.

Everytime Walt tries something, he fails. He is not a badass mastermind meth dealer. He takes a lot of stupid decisions because he is too impulsive and doesn’t know how things really work in the real life. There is plenty of things he doesn’t know, even if he never admits it. He always have more competent person around him to do the job. Sure he cooks meth better than anybody else (except maybe Jesse in season 5), but meth dealing isn’t just cooking. Without Jesse, without Gus, without Mike, Walt would have never been Heisenberg.

Relying on other isn’t a bad thing (on the contrary), but that’s not what Walt does. Walt USES people. He manipulates them, he mentally ABUSES them, destroys their self esteem, threatens them, makes them believe they have no other choices but to order him. He did that with Jesse (big time), and also with Skyler for instance. The truth is Walt sucks and he needs others but he always denies it because he doesn’t want to admit that he is vulnerable and lost and that he actually is not “the big boss in the game”.

And whenever he makes a decision by himself (usually to cross someone), he FAILS. Like dramatically. He always puts himself in a position that is worse, usually more dangerous, just because he couldn’t shut up and keep his pride. Yes, sometimes, he also succeeds but it’s then quickly shown that what he thought was a success will turn up against him.

Even when Walt does look badass, it’s during short moments taken apart from big story. Yes, if you take some scenes out of context, Walt looks cool. But if you just take some time to analyse the context, than the scenes loose all its power and Walt appears the way he is inside: powerless, weak, insecure, pathetic.

For instance, when Walter says to his wife “I’m the danger”, it’s not meant to be seen as a badass line (and it has, by many people). It’s pathetic because he has, at that point in the show, lost control in his professional life. So he’s trying to regain control and influence in his private life by terryfing someone who looks weaker than him. He cannot hurt or scare his actual enemies in the meth empire because they are more powerful than him. He is at this point lost, confused and vulnerable. He needs to regain his manhood, his position of power, his role of alfa male. So to do so, he decides to terrify his wife, who is just a normal person and doesn’t know the meth world (and so, who has to take anything Walt says for granted). He’s like a bully, in school, attacking the weakest because they are in quest of manhood and influence. And we know bullies are actually the most insecure kids.

Besides, when Walt fails, he doesn’t even admit he screwed up, says sorry and learns from his mistakes. He denies he made a mistake and takes the blame on others. That’s, again, profoundly PATHETIC. He lies to everyone. While he claims that he doesn’t want anybody’s pity, he keeps lying to make it look like he was just the victim of unfortunate events against him. That’s why Walt isn’t even a good likeable villain. He denies what he truly wants (money, power, control, sense of manhood...), he hides behind a fake justification, and he doesn’t realise or admit that his means are deeply cruel (murder, mental abuse, meth dealing, child poisoning, lying, bloodbath assassinations...). Even if he has convinced himself he’s doing all of this for a good reason (provide for his family), it’s like he is not aware of the monstrosity of his actions. He never admits he has become a merciless monster. Not to his family, not to his wife, not to his partners in crime. Most villains would say: “I believe what I do is fair and justified, but to do so, I have to become a monster and do unspeakable things and that’s what I’m gonna do”. But Walt doesn’t.

(Walt would probably say something like “I’m a good person, I want to help my family which totally explains all my actions which weren’t even THAT bad if you look at it a certain way and there was no other choice anyway, I’m just a victim, but I’m still powerful, but I had to, but I’m in control.” And honestly? UGH.)

Walt is a looser, who tries to hide the fact that he sucks. He is not a badass, or a mastermind. He’s mostly scared, pathetic and lost. Breaking Bad always show us that. Breaking Bad is about the fail and the path towards the end of Walter White. It’s about Walt becoming worse and worse, but not by doing things more and more illegal/horrible. He’s becoming worse and worse as a person. More pathetic as the show evolves. More miserable. More lost. More desperate. And he ends up with NOTHING.

Walter White looses everything. His friends are so terrified of him that they don’t want to have any contact with him. His wife completely despise him. His son is ashamed and disgusted of him. His daughter will grow up without a father. His former associates are mostly dead. His partner, Jesse, hates him and runs away from him. Walt dies alone, abandonned by everyone, knowing nobody will miss him and that he has failed to do what he first wanted (take care of his family), that the person he once was, who had a great life actually, is gone.

The show makes it very clear that following Walter’s path is not something cool. It’s not something you should want or dream about. Because in your fantasy, the meth business is badass and cool and fun. But in reality, it’s difficult, horrifying, dangerous and life-ruining. The point of the show is to stay: Walt got stuck in this because he was, and always had been, a proud, narcissist and pathetic person and he has LOST everything when he tried to be the badass he never was.

This fictional lifestyle, based on pride, toxic masculinity and badass action fantasy, that is nourished by a lot of fictions and medias that we consume, is BAD (hence the title). The show criticises it over and over again.

And in my opinion, that’s why it’s so good. The show doesn’t glorify what society already praises to be the dream. It questions it, it shows us its true nature, and criticises it. At the end, Breaking Bad isn’t just a badass exciting action-movie turned into a serie (it would have been quite boring if it was). It’s more than that. It tells a story about us as human, as people, and it deconstructs a fantasy we all have had at some point. And it does it perfectly. So I really loved this show, but it saddened me to see so many people having this misunderstanding about what the show was trying to say.

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 7 years

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One More Day 10 years later

I know some people might be bummed by the realization that we’ve been living with the burning garbage pile that is post-One More Day Spider-Man for a full decade now.

So I’d like to make this post for people to look on the bright side of this sorry situation.

To begin with, we have Renew Your Vows.

This isn’t just a big deal because it goes some way to filling that big married/family orientated Spider-Man shaped hole we’ve had since December 2007.

There mere existence of this title and its success at the time of this writing is genuinely important contributors to the hopeful reversal of One More Day. In a day and age where some Marvel titles struggle to make it a full year Renew Your Vows has passed that milestone and so far shows no signs of stopping.

Now I preach caution. This is an out of universe title that just shook up it’s status quo, lost big name and popular writer/artist team in exchange for ones of comparatively lesser status, has a new status quo too similar to other more well known/popular characters and represents something Marvel have been shown to be institutionally opposed to.

So as much as we don’t want it to happen, enjoy the ride while it lasts and be prepared for the series to get cancelled sooner or later, probably within the forthcoming year.

But always remember RYV volume 2 and the original 5 issues have when you really grade them fairly been clear cut successes, both financially, critically and creatively.

All three of those things sing in defiance of Marvel’s basic contentions that:

a) An older/married/family man Peter Parker wouldn’t sell well

b) That an older/married/family man Peter Parker limits storytelling opportunities.

These sentiments are also to a lesser extent echoed in the ASM newspaper strip that has continued to depict a married Spider-Man throughout the post-OMD period, which carried additional weight to it since that has more direct involvement of Stan Lee himself, effectively demonstrating that Spider-Man’s co-creator opposed OMD.

But that ain’t all. However you feel about how they use her, Marvel have clearly demonstrated an at least basic acknowledgement that Mary Jane is a popular character in her own right which greatly helps the cause of reversing OMD. Just 2 years ago her brief appearances in Invincible Iron Man sent TWO issues of that title into multiple printings.

Furthermore let’s remember that ever since Amazing #600 at the earliest and Power Play most recently Marvel have teased the possible reversal of OMD or at least reunion of Peter and Mary Jane as a way to spike sales. And it’s usually worked. Equally they know that pouring salt in that wound gets the fanbase riled up, which in their deluded minds is a good thing.

Marvel KNOW there is a very large and very vocal group of Spider-Man fans out there who WANT the marriage back and they KNOW they can make money off of that. In fact they know that group constitutes the majority, hence why we never got a Peter Parker married to Gwen Stacy or Black Cat Secret Wars mini-series or continuation. And literally every poll ever conducted since 2007 (regardless of their legitimacy) has shown clear cut preference for OMD to be reversed/for Spider-Man to be married to Mary Jane.

That’s only a good thing for the cause.

We can even see some glimmer of hope in unlikely places. As controversial as Michelle was in Spider-Man: Homecoming if she is indeed (as many interpret her to be) a take on Mary Jane Marvel Studios is on some level feeding a mass pop culture incentive for people to know, like and indeed EXPECT Mary Jane in their Spidey media.

The 5 year long Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon, despite it’s poor quality, did much the same thing. Even if these also push a teenage Spider-Man they also push a Spider-Man for whom Mary Jane is clearly a part of his life. This goes even moreso for the much anticipated Spider-Man Playstation 4 video game where (to my understanding) Mary Jane is even a playable character!

Want some more good news? It seems two of the biggest and most influential detractors of the Spider Marriage are leaving positions of power. Dan Slott will end a 10 year run on Amazing Spider-Man and hopefully forever leave Spider-Man work behind him. His work was in fact the very first to mean spiritedly rub salt in the wound of Spider Marriage lovers and he has been strongly outspoken against the marriage’s existence and in favour of the need for One More Day. Losing his can only be a good thing for anyone who wants OMD reversed. We are also losing Axel Alonso who is also an opponent of the marriage and has been since his days editing the Spider books. Replacing his as EIC of Marvel is Cebulski who, based upon his work, is at least not actively opposed to the marriage.

Finally some food for thought.

Consider that sales of Amazing Spider-Man whilst better than the rest of Marvel are still lower than they were during Straczynski’s run when the market place technically was worse off, when there were not as many gimmicks and events artificially inflating sales and the Spider Marriage was both in place and promoted heavily/positively.

Consider that it is inevitable that the powers that be at Marvel comics will someday be replaced by those who are from a generation when the marriage existed and was promoted positively. It is also highly likely that these new people in power will be Spider-Man fans (and therefore likely proponents of the marriage) due to Spider-Man’s perennial popularity which (thanks to films, TV shows, video games, merchandise and a guy named Venom) reached new heights during the years he was married. During this period merchandise and wider media also promoted Mary Jane as Spidey’s key love interest (and even depicted her married to him).

As the current regime has so aptly demonstrated, there is a tendency for better or for worse (usually for worse) for a creative team to try and on some level recreate their childhoods with whatever characters they are working on. This more than anything was the most powerful motivator for OMD, not the nonsense about ‘creative limitations’. Joe Quesada and others within Marvel grew up on an unmarried Spider-Man and never liked the fact that that changed, and so resolved to change it back.

They felt this way in response to, at worst, a C grade Spider-Man story that (to them) upended the Spider-Man they knew and loved. Putting aside how mass Spider-Man fandom at that time felt very differently and were supportive of the marriage, it stands to reason that future generations who grew up with the marriage will feel the same way about what One More Day did to Spider-Man.

Only tenfold because One More Day not only retconned their childhoods, changed the status quo they knew and loved but also led to stories that actively took a piss on what they knew and loved. Oh and isn’t merely a C grade story but widely recognized as one of the absolute WORST Marvel stories of all time and unquestionably THE worst Spider-Man story across his 55 year history.

One way or another, sooner or later, that WILL be erased I promise you.

Want some proof?

Well for starters way back in 2008 former Spider-Man editor Stephen Wacker outright SAID that in 20 years time (the same time period the marriage lasted) One More Day will probably be undone.

But if you want something more substantial than that look at DC Comics’ history.

Acclaimed comics writer Goeff Johns and former DC EIC Dan Didio have made practically made their careers from taking DC’s characters in directions that reconstruct the status quos of their own childhoods.

But even more significantly than that DC have demonstrated multiple times an ability to course correct their characters even YEARS after they have been taken in controversial directions.

Hal Jordan became a mass murdering villain in the infamous Emerald Twilight storyline of the 1990s before around 10 years later Johns redeemed the character, brought him back to life and manoeuvred him into the role of the main Green Lantern in an acclaimed storyline.

In 2016 DC started to course correct their entire universe after rebooting it in 2011.

After making Wonder Woman unrecognizable DC hired her former writer Greg Rucka to return to the title and reinstate much of the continuity and philosophy that defined her character.

Johns worked his old tricks to have Barry Allan redeemed for causing the reboot in the first place.

But no example should give Spider Marriage fans more hope than Superman’s situation.

In 2011 DC took Superman from a married man in his 30s who staunchly regarded himself as human in spite of his alien heritage and made him a man in his 20s, who’d never been married and felt himself an isolated alien God amongst men. Lois Lane, his iconic lover, was demonized and pushed aside in favour of him dating fellow heroine Wonder Woman thus fulfilling the fanfiction shipper desires of many within DC editorial.

But in 2015 DC RE-introduced the old married Superman and even made him a father. Then they went a step further and had him live in the shadows within the main DC universe, watching his younger counterpart. Then in 2016 they took the bold move of killing off their new 2011 reboot Superman and replacing him with the old Superman. The Superman who now was approaching his 40s, who’d been married for years, had a young pre-teen son and came with a history that had (give or take) lasted between 1986 to 2011.

THAT was who DC made their main Superman, complete with old and beloved Superman scribe Dan Jurgens at the helm.

And it WORKED.

Sales and critical acclaim greatly increased on the Superman titles.

Then DC went one step further in a 2017 storyline where they outright ERASED the 2011 rebooted version of Superman and essentially within their newly rebooted universe reinstated most of Superman’s history dating back to 1986, effectively RE-canonizing it.

And again...sales and critical acclaim were in a healthier place than before. In fact many Superman fans have declared the past 2 years or so a true renaissance for the character.

DC’s decisions with Superman and it’s success bode incredibly well for the hopes and ambitions most Spider-Man fans have for the eventual reversal of One More Day and the restoration of the Spider-Marriage.

As bad as the past 10 years have been try to bear some of this stuff in mind going into the future.

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comic-movieheroesranked · 7 years

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Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2011) Final Part

This year I think has the most characters ranked so far, and all from movies introducing brand new characters. X-Men franchise gets a reboot with X-Men: First Class; The MCU welcomes the additions of Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger; DC Comics introduces Green Lantern, and we also get The Adventures of Tintin, Cowboys & Aliens, The Green Hornet, and Priest. Here’s the TOP 20!

*SPOILER ALERT FOR THE HIGHLIGHTED MOVIES MENTIONED ABOVE*

20. Kato (The Green Hornet)

"Go be a journalist. I'll kick ass."

If anyone should have been the Green Hornet, it should have be Kato. His fighting skills are great, his driving skills are even better, and his abilities with machinery have not only created the best cars for fighting crime, but also the best coffee machines. Instead he chooses to be Britt's sidekick and even though he kicks the other dude's ass on several occasions, Kato still decides to put up with him for reasons no one will understand. Oh and he can't swim, which is random, but yeah.

19. Heimdall (Thor)

"I need no longer to obey you!"

Heimdall is the seer of all things and protects the portal outside of Asgard. When the Frost Giants break into Asgard he suspects someone has figured out how to fool his abilities, and what a greater suspect than the master of illusion himself, Loki. He suspicion for the male increases when Loki becomes King and he not only sends Thor's friends to retrieve him from Earth but he also tries to attack Loki himself. Loki freezes him but his will to protect Asgard gives him the strength to break free and bring Thor and his friends back home.

18. Captain Haddock (The Adventures of Tintin)

"You hit a wall, you push through it."

He might be drunk, but you can't take away Haddock's passion towards life and the seas. It's in his blood to be a true adventure seeker in the ocean and his biggest adventure comes when Tintin reveals his ancestor, Sir Francis, has hidden away treasure. The pair work brilliantly together and in the end, Haddock takes down his biggest rival while restoring honor back to his family's name.

17. Priestess (Priest)

"We've all sacrificed. Some more than others."

When the church sends Priestess to hunt down Priest for breaking his vow, she decides to join him in his quest instead. She's a huge gain to the cause, she seems to have the same skills as Priest and is also to help him almost instantly when he needs it, which is most of the time. In fact, during the last stand, Priestess not only takes out all the familiars, but she distracts Black Hat from killing Priest and also blows up the train full of vampires that would have otherwise destroyed their city. It's hinted she has feelings for Priest but she puts them aside to recruit the rest of the priests to help them on their future missions.

16. Jane Foster (Thor)

"Magic's just science we don't understand yet."

Jane's passion for science goes beyond the facts in front of her. She constantly tries to push the limit so that she can discover something truly amazing. It comes of the form of Thor, the god of thunder and someone she manages to hit with her car. Twice. She may not fully believe his stories at first, his unique charm really helps the chemistry between them and she does what she can to help him retrieve his mighty hammer, even if technically she only did it so she could get her research back from SHIELD. When Thor returns to Asgard she isn't sure whether or not she'll see him again, so instead of waiting to find out, she's back in the lab, trying to figure out how to reach him on her own.

15. Jake Lonergan (Cowboys & Aliens)

"I'm a wanted man."

Even though he lost his memory, Jake at least was able to kick into his natural instincts from the get go. With his fancy little alien gun he becomes the leader of the human resistance against the aliens. Turns out he managed to escape the alien captivity after his wife is killed and he slash's an alien's eye to escape. He casually handles every obstacle that gets into his way until he ends up actually getting caught by said alien but manages to kill him with the help of Dolarhyde. With the town in his debt, Jake is announced a free man and is no longer at risk of rotting in a jail cell.

14. Peggy Carter/Agent Carter (Captain America: The First Avenger)

"I can do more than that."

Yo, Peggy was a freaking force of nature. She literally did everything the soldiers around her did but in heels! It was her training that showed everyone that Steve was ready for the super soldier serum and she even got to show how sick she is with a gun when Red Skull's assassin snuck into their headquarters. It sucks that Steve had to die just shortly after their relationship was starting to go to the next level, but I'm pretty sure Agent Carter goes on to be the best agent this country has seen.

13. Sebastian Shaw (X-Men: First Class)

"We are the future of the human race."

One always wonders what kinds of horrors Magento must've have went through in the concentration camps that caused his hatred for humans, and most of the horrors were because of Sebastian Shaw. Wanting to learn more about mutant abilities, Shaw tortures Erik and even kills his mother to get his research. He seems unfazed by the kid's growing hatred and power and it's probably because he's not only the leader of the Hellfire Club, an organization of powerful mutants, he's also a powerful mutant himself. He can direct every type of bullet/energy into destruction for his enemies. His main goal is to create WWIII, a nuclear war that would kill the human race and leave him to rule the mutant survivors. He has the charisma to get away with it, but with Magneto as an enemy, he stood no chance. Killed by the very quarter he used in Erik's lessons, Shaw's dreams do actually end up living on through Magneto.

12. Hicks (Priest)

"Point A? Meet Point fucking B."

I thought Hicks was going to be that guy who always gets in the way but that wasn't the case at all. He really handled himself for someone who has never gone up against vampires, his skills easily proving why he was the sheriff despite his young age. Even though he wouldn't have lasted nearly as long as he had without Priest and Priestess, he was a great supporting character who even saved Priest towards the end. Of course his main goal is to save his girlfriend, Lucy, and he's able to do just that.

11. Hank McCoy/Beast (X-Men: First Class)

"Don't mock me!"

Hank is a sweet boy who, like Mystique, wants to hide the more uglier effects of his mutation. In his case it's his feet even though his skills when he uses them is what attracts Raven to him in the first place. Still, his feelings for her aren't enough to keep him from taking the serum he created but it only makes matters worse and turns him into the blue Beast we all recognize today. He accepts his mutant self after this, but its clear that whatever he had with Mystique is over as she decides to join Magneto's Brotherhood and he stays with Charles.

10. Odin (Thor)

"Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor!"

Odin is an honorable King of Asgard, who truly makes every decision for a specific reason. But even he has trouble raising his two sons. On one hand he has Thor, who isn't quite ready to rule as he's too hot headed to truly make decisions with the kingdom's interest at heart. It must've been so hard for Odin to banish him, but it's what needed to be done for him to truly understands what it means to rule unselfishly. Then on the other hand he has Loki, who has been plotting to take over since the very beginning and gets even more fuel when he finds out he's adopted. All of it is too much and Odin ends up slipping into a cosmic coma until the very end of the film, where he acknowledges the growth in Thor now that he's saved Asgard.

9. Priest (Priest)

"Then I go against God."

Most of the priests and priestess are recruited into the church when they are young, but for some reason Priest joins when he's an adult. You'd think this would make him weaker than the rest but it seems he's not only the strongest, but also their leader. When the vampires are defeated, he goes into hiding until his old ally-turned-vampire kidnaps his daughter, Lucy, who thinks she's his niece because his brother agreed to raise her when he was taken away. With the help of Priestess and Hicks, Priest defeats Black Hat and rescues Lucy, but that's just the beginning of their problems. Priest discovers the vampire queen is still alive and goes after her, completing ignoring the church's protests once again.

8. Tintin and Snowy (The Adventures of Tintin)

"Snowy, look at this!"

At just the ripe age of seventeen, Tintin has traveled the world and solved some of it's biggest mysteries for his newspaper. The kid even carries a gun around, which does end up coming in handing when he gets wrapped up in solving the mystery of the Unicorn. He's not alone though as most of his discoveries come from the help and guidance of his trusy companion, Snowy. The two end up helping a captain named Haddock in finding his ancestor's last treasure, while also dealing with an enemy that is hellbent on revenge. Still, this adventure is nothing new for Tintin and Snowy and they're able to piece together the remaining pieces of the puzzle and find Sir Francis's lost treasure.

7. Hal Jordan/Green Lantern (Green Lantern)

"Let me go fight for my world and I'll show you that will is stronger than fear."

Hal's a likable guy, despite having a bit of an ego that comes along with it. Yes, he's extremely reckless at times, but he's got that spunk that allows him to think outside of the box, which is another reason why he was chosen to be the next Green Lantern after Abin Sur dies. Throughout the film we keep seeing everyone doubt him because he does have fear in his heart, a lot of it having to due with his father's death, but it's at the end he shows everyone that it's ok to be afraid, it's how you overcome it that matters. With this discovery he's able to defeat Parralax, a task some of the strongest Lanterns died trying to do, and finally earns his spot among the Corps.

6. Raven Darkholme/Mystique (X-Men: First Class)

"Mutant and proud."

It was so interesting to see Mystique in this light. In the previous films we had this hard, deadly assassin that was one of Magneto's biggest threats against the humans and now we got to see how that came to be. Before she was the intimidating mutant we know, Raven was just a scared girl who Charles adopted as a sister and who was ashamed by how she looks. But then she's around other mutants and she slowly starts to accept herself and even comes up with everyone's codenames, but then there's little things that set her back. One, Charles is a bit of a jerk to her and keeps holding her to expectations that I don't think are necessary when he doesn't try to understand what it's like to be in her shoes. Then there's Hank who does know what it's like to have to hide, and who Raven definitely likes, but isn't secure with his own looks and even encourages her to continue to hide who she is. But with all of this, Erik stays as a constant reminder that she is perfect the way she is and that anyone else would be lucky to have her gifts. After that, it's not hard to understand why she chooses him at the end of the movie.

5. Loki (Thor)

"I never wanted the throne, I only ever wanted to be your equal!"

I'm quite familiar with Norse mythology even before I really got into comics so I knew right away that Loki was not this concerned brother he was set out to be at the beginning of the film. It was surprising to find out that not only had he constructed literally everything that happened in order to take the throne for himself (except for Odin going in a coma, that was just luck) but he's also adopted and really belongs to the King of the Frost Giants. He tries to take out Thor and use the Frost Giants to kill his father but when Thor returns he tries to save himself by attempting to destroy the Frost Giant's world as a way to appease his father. Thor stops him, however, and Loki freefalls out of Asgard but somehow manages to take control of a human on Earth just as that human meets with Nick Fury to discuss a very powerful artifact.

4. Thor (Thor)

"For the first time in my life, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do."

The introduction of Thor. We don't see him become the great hero he already is and how he got to control the mighty hammer, but we do see he still has a lot of growing to do before he's fit to rule Asgard. His growth in character comes with the help of some humans on Earth, specifically Jane, who shows him that there are different ways to handle situations instead of brute force. His growth couldn't have come at a better time as he has to face off against his brother, Loki, who practically manipulated everything leading to Thor's banishment. His moment finally comes during his final fight with Loki, when he destroys the bridge that would allow him to see Jane again. He gives her up for the kingdom's safety, truly learning how a king rules with his kingdom's interest at heart. He loses the chances of seeing Jane and also loses his brother, but he's able to reconcile with his father and the support of his friends gives hope that one day, him and Jane will reunite.

3. Charles Xavier/Professor X (X-Men: First Class)

"You're not alone."

Who knew that Porfessor X, the father figure of many future mutant students and X-Men, was such a Casanova when he was younger. I see the appeal, who wouldn't like a guy who knows exactly what to say, in the most charming way possible? Still, despite all the wild nights he has, Charles is quick to get serious when the opportunity comes to meet other mutants like himself. After meeting Erik and the others, Charles tries to bring them in on his vision of peace and working together with the humans. Of course Shaw ends up causing a big flaw in his plan and despite becoming like a brother to Erik, he ends up losing the other to his hatred of humans. He loses more than that when Erik accidentally forces a bullet into his spine, leaving him unable to walk. Understanding their views can never be the same, they separate and Charles opens up his school to all mutants for sanctuary.

2. Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto (X-Men: First Class)

"Peace was never an option."

The best origin story of the X-Men, is how their greatest enemy came to be. We watch as Magneto suffers at the hands of Shaw and the Nazis for his powers and then uses said powers to hunt them down one by one. When he fails to kill Shaw, he meets Charles Xavier and the two begin a friendship as they use their two ideologies to meet other mutants like themselves. One thing I liked about Erik is his ability to learn fast. After Emma Frost bests him during their first one, he's quick to understand her threat and quickly handles her during their next confrontation in Russia. When training he allows Charles to open up his mind to advance his skills, and he also opens up Mystique's mind to her appearance. At the last possible second, Erik shuts Charles out when he confronts Shaw, killing him with the same quarter that lead to his mother's death. He needs to work on his accountability a little though, as it was him who deflected the bullet into Charles that handicaps him. Still, it doesn't stop him from starting the Brotherhood and becoming the villain we all know...Magneto.

1. Steve Rogers/Captain America (Captain America: The First Avenger)

"I could do this all day."

Captain America is the ultimate triumphant tale of the underdog. Steve Rogers was a weak tiny man who seemed to have so many illnesses that I thought he belonged in a plastic bubble. But the kid had heart and a true sense of doing the right thing, which is why he was perfect to become Captain America. And while his transformation was a HUGE success, and I'm not just talking about his physical appearance, it took awhile for him to really see some action. Throughout the film we see that even though he's got all of these enhanced abilities, he's still just a kid from Brooklyn. He's still dorky when he's around Peggy, he still mourned heavily after Bucky's death, and he still never backed down from a fight. Despite all the terrible things Red Skull committed, Steve never even batted an eyelash when it came to taking him down, or even sacrificing himself to save millions of lives. He's a true hero for the little guy, wonder how he'll do now that he's woken up more than seventy years into the future.

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blueboxesandtrafficcones · 7 years

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Written on Your Heart - Chapter 1

12 year old Rose finds her soulmate in 15 year old James. This is their story.

Now titled ‘Written on Your Heart’ and available on AO3!

Masterlist

Written for @doctorroseprompts Soulmate September.

10/Rose AU. Will feature: Sarah Jane, Jackie, Donna, Wilf, Mickey, and others

Chapter 1/??

Every soulmated couple was marked in their own unique way. Some couples, arguably the luckiest, had each other’s names inked on their skin; others would only be marked upon a shared touch, or speaking to each other. There was no way of knowing how, or when, a person would be marked until it occurred, if it ever did.

There were two broad categories of the looking – those that knew they were mated but had not yet met, and those that were dependent on luck. Those that knew typically had clues to follow, or at least to eliminate potentials, based on their mark. The levels of contact for those that knew varied depending on their type of bond. Some had a name to be on the lookout for, but nothing else – others were in contact from a young age, but had not been able or allowed to meet until they were of age. They were the lucky ones.

The other category, those who were only marked upon meeting, were not so fortunate. They had no information about their mate; it was quite possible to meet them, even perhaps know them for years, without stumbling upon the trigger for the mark to appear. There were stories, of couples who would work in the same office building and speak every day, and not know they were mated until they actually introduced themselves. Others would be marked upon merely the brushing of the fingers; it was not uncommon to see someone running along the platform of the tube, yelling for their mate, only known of because of the brush of fingers.

Family didn’t seem to have anything to do with the type of mark you would receive; even in large groups of siblings, no two would have the same type of identifier. If your ancestors tended to ‘know’, it was a higher likelihood that you would as well, but certainly no guarantee.

As a child, Rose had always been fascinated by her mother’s mark. Jackie and Pete Tyler had been those with the first words they would ever say to each other imprinted on their skin. After Pete’s death, Jackie’s marks had faded to a faint silver, almost impossible to see but still present.

Rose is twelve when the words first appear on her left palm, accompanied by a slight tickle.

Buy the new Harry Potter book.

What?

She was in the middle of math class, staring out the window, when she glanced down and saw the message. At first, she wasn’t certain how it had gotten there, as it most certainly wasn’t her handwriting. It wasn’t until the bell rang, and she was halfway to her next class the most likely explanation hit her, and she stopped dead in the hallway.

In a fog, giddy with excitement, she had enough presence of mind to make her way to the nearest toilet, heedless of the bell ringing for the next period to begin. Instead, she locked herself in a stall and sat on the toilet lid, staring at her hand in awe, gently tracing the letters.

Eventually, it occurred to her that if she could see his writing, he would likely be able to see if she responded. Digging in her bag for a pen that wouldn’t hurt, she held it poised over her palm, lacking only something to write.

This was it – her first communication with her soulmate! She’d been worried that she would be one of the searchers; that she’d never know if she had a mate, or worse, that she would only know when she lost him. She wanted something special, dazzling; she wanted to charm him, make him fall hopelessly in love with her with only a few letters written on her skin and transferred to his. But what was right?

In the end, she decided to make one thing clear – she was her own person, capable of thinking and deciding for herself. Even though she knew in the back of her mind it was most likely only a note to himself (or herself – it happened), she still wanted to establish herself as independent. So, with a trembling hand, she printed four characters below his message.

Why?

Dropping the pen with a nervous giggle, she waited with baited breath to see what her soulmate would respond with. It took the longest two minutes of Rose’s life, but eventually he (she assumed it was a he; most girls had far better handwriting) replied.

Hello?

Hi! She quickly scribbled back.

This is Came through after a moment, though it seemed like an unfinished thought.

weird strange different new. Her mate seemed perplexed, though she appreciated that he seemed to be trying not to insult her right off the bat.

Yep. Do you write notes on your hand often? She asked. This was the first time she’d noticed it, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything without knowing what was the trigger to initiate the bond.

Sometimes, if it’s important. You?

Drawings, but that’s it. She admitted.

You draw?

Yes.

Well?

At this point, Rose had to roll up her sleeve to continue the conversation, considering her response all the while. After a few moments hesitation, she doodled a simple rose.

Is that a rose?

Yes.

Why?

She paused only for a second, before reminding herself that they were soulmates – even if they’d never met, she could trust him.

It’s me.

You’re a flower?

No – it’s my name.

Rose?

Yeah.

Your name is Rose?

Yeah.

She briefly considered leaving it there, but decided to go for broke.

Tyler.

Uh, actually, I’m James.

No, Rose Tyler.

Oh. James Noble. Hi.

Hi!

Can I ask you something? He replied after a minute.

Sure.

How old are you? She froze, nervous.

How old are you? Rose asked instead of answering.

15. She instantly blushed, sure that he would think she was just a kid.

12.

After that, she didn’t hear from him, though she spent twenty minutes staring at her arm, hoping for a reaction. Finally the bell rang, signaling the end of the period she skipped and the start of her lunch break; shouldering her bag, she walked quickly to the cafeteria, going through the lunch line by rote and finding her friends. A little hurt at his lack of response, she resolutely decided to focus on the rest of the school day, and maybe check when she got home.

In the end, she made it ten minutes into history class before checking her arm, pleasantly surprised to find a response.

Oh. Ok.

I was just a little worried – the exclamation points made me think you might be a bit younger, which would be weird.

Well, it’d be weird now – not in like, 10 years.

Well, maybe still in 10 years – it would’ve depended on how much younger.

But 3 years isn’t that big a deal now. At least for talking.

Hello?

Rose?

I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings – also, for disappearing. I was trying to figure out what to say when my teacher announced a pop quiz. I hope you don’t think

The writing stopped there, but there was an arrow pointing to the left. It took a moment, but then she realized what it meant and twisted to see her forearm, where the message finished.

that I was rejecting you. Because I’m not. I was just a little thrown.

Rose?

I really am sorry – once we meet (if we meet – was that too presumptuous?) you’ll realize that I’ve got a bit of a gob, and it can sometimes take off without me.

Though, I suppose, in this case it’s my hand that’s got away from me.

Please, Rose, don’t let me have ruined this on day one…

It was the final message that truly got her, and she practically knocked all of her books off her desk to scramble for her pen.

Sorry! Remembering belatedly his comment about the exclamation points, she quickly scribbled the whole word out, replacing it with, Sorry. I was at lunch, and didn’t see your message til now.

So you don’t hate me already? It was his fastest response yet, and Rose felt bad for making him worry.

No. Not at all. She only hesitated a moment, before adding a smiley face.

Good!

“Something to share with the class, Miss Tyler?”

Rose’s head jerked up, her smile falling as she realized the entire class, including her teacher, were staring at her.

“Uh, no?” She said meekly.

The teacher raised an eyebrow, but moved on. “Please try to pay more attention, Miss Tyler – the test is on Friday, as you’ll recall.”

As subtly as she could, Rose glanced down at her arm, ready to tell James that she couldn’t talk until after school, only to see a note from him.

Don’t want to randomly disappear on you again – I don’t think I can talk write until after classes are done for the day. Can we speak write tonight?

She managed to scrawl back a hasty OK before turning her attention to the front of the class. History was not her best subject, and she needed to ace the test on Friday to pass with an acceptable grade.

That didn’t stop her from daydreaming about life with her soulmate, though.

Thanks for reading so far! I’m excited about what I’ve got coming up for our young couple - I’m already written up through chapter 8 :)

Any suggestions for a title would be appreciated. (No, seriously - please help!!)

Also, if anyone would be interested in being a beta, please let me know.

#bbatcfic #doctorroseprompts #ficandchips #Doctor Who #human!tenxrose #human!ten #rose tyler #Written On Your Heart #soulmates au #human au

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junker-town · 5 years

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Sex, drugs and Gandolf: Confessions of a movie theater employee

Photo by Noam Galai/Getty Images

Hold onto your butts.

Some jobs immediately ingratiate you to anyone who has a shared experience. Working at a movie theater is one of them.

I worked at movie theaters from age 14 until I left college, starting as a lowly usher in Sydney, Australia, and ending up as the senior manager of a theater in North Carolina. The settings couldn’t be further apart, but they shared something in common: Movie theaters are weird-ass places.

What better way to kick off Oscar weekend than to revisit some of my most cherished behind-the-scenes movie memories?

The forgotten woman

When there are two ushers on duty, you usually split responsibilities: One person stands at “drop” to tear the tickets; the other roams theater to theater cleaning up after shows and making sure everything is in working order.

In Sydney, I worked at a 16-theater cinema that had three levels. On these kinds of nights, you have to find shortcuts wherever possible if you’re working alone. Thankfully I knew I could avoid Theater 14 all night. Just one ticket had been sold to Hannibal all day, for the first showing — and nobody else had been in there. No cleaning, no checking — just let that thing roll.

It was the end of the evening, just past midnight, and my last task of the day was going to each theater to see if anything needed attention before we closed.

I finally made it to Theater 14, and I heard a small voice:

“Hello? Hello. Sir? Sir, I’ve been here all day.”

An incredibly nice woman in her 80s was sitting in a wheelchair about midway up the theater. Now, the only way to get into the theater if you were in a wheelchair was to be brought through the elevator behind the screen. It turns out the morning security guard took her into the first showing of Hannibal, which started at 9:35 a.m., and forgot she was in there.

This poor woman was stuck in a theater, unable to get out, forced to watch FIVE STRAIGHT SHOWINGS OF Hannibal. No meals, no bathroom breaks — just Hannibal over, and over, and over again.

Naturally, I freaked out. I felt awful for this poor woman, and it had fallen on me for slacking off and never going into the theater. This woman was so kind she asked if she needed to pay for another four tickets. The manager gave her 10 free movie passes and paid for a cab to get her home.

Everyone was so mortified they forgot to reprimand me for never checking the theater.

Passion and the Christ

Movie sex happens. I’d estimate I’ve broken up no fewer than 30 amorous couples over the years. One time it was no fewer than 12 people all participating in a back-row sex line that extended from one end of the theater to the other. It comes with the territory — pun absolutely intended — but I never imagined having to break up a couple in the front row during a sold-out showing of The Passion of the Christ.

Until I did.

When this kind of situation happens, managers are drawing straws immediately. Nobody wants to deal with breaking up theater sex, especially in a case like this. When we received word about the situation from an irate customer, it fell on me to do it.

Usually, movie sex is easy to spot. Back row, typically a movie on the last week of its run, so the theater is almost empty. Easy. For the most part, people were discreet about it. They didn’t want to get caught, so the second they saw you, they’d zip up and leave.

However, this incident was very, very different. This couple had no desire to be quiet or attempt to hide anything, which was made infinitely worse by the fact that The Passion of the Christ contains so much screaming during the torture scenes. So I’m in there, flashlight in hand, and it’s like finding a moaning needle in a haystack. Patrons are annoyed I’m in there with a flashlight disrupting the movie, but finally, I see a woman waving her arms in the second row, along with the movie-sexers right in front of her.

I say, “excuse me.” No response. I cough. Still no response. Their sex sounds and Jesus’ screams intertwined in a macabre symphony I will never forget.

At this point, you have two choices as the sex breaker-upper: Physically tap someone to get their attention, which is gross — or get right up on them with the flashlight so it’s impossible to ignore. I went for option two. They still didn’t stop.

Finally, I poked the woman on the back with the flashlight, and she turned around as if I was the disruptive one, having the audacity to break up their coitus. They left and asked for a refund on the way out.

The time I almost killed [name redacted] with a Gandalf toy

This happened relatively early into my theater-working career, so please don’t judge. I’ve decided to redact the name of the fairly famous actor I almost murdered because 1) I’d rather not revisit this in the public forum, and 2) I almost killed the man.

The theater I worked at in Sydney is where all the major Australian premieres took place. Working a premiere night was always fun, because while the stress was high and everyone was trying to be on their Ps and Qs — it also gave you a chance to see movie stars, which was especially fun for a 16-year-old movie nerd like me.

This was one of those premieres, but first, let’s back up two weeks:

It was an exceptionally slow weekday afternoon. Overstaffed for nobody. I was working concessions and tasked with staying in the back making Choc Tops all day. A bulbous scoop of vanilla ice cream coated in thick chocolate, the Choc Top is an Australian movie theater institution and we were tasked with making dozens of them in advance to prepare for busy weekends.

There I was, making the cones, while my coworker Justin popped popcorn. Then, the dares started. “Make the next batch of popcorn with double salt,” I’d say. “Quadruple-dip the next cone,” he’d retort.

Then it got bad.

“Put that plastic Gandalf figurine in the cone,” Justin said, gesturing to a toy that came with the kids meal he had for lunch. Trying to maintain my composure while laughing, I crafted the scoop of ice cream around the 1.5-inch Gandalf. I dipped it, wrapped it, dropped it in the deep freeze and didn’t think about it again.

Fast forward to premiere night. It’s a big movie we’re all excited about, and three of its biggest stars are at the theater. Ten minutes into the showing, we’re cleaning up the concessions stand, and I’m the lone cashier.

“Excuse me,” says an unmistakably soft baritone voice, “I found this in my Choc Top.”

It’s [name redacted], standing there holding the Gandalf figure. And it’s funny — so, so funny — but I can’t even begin to laugh because I’m terrified of what will happen if my managers find out. I had to think of something fast.

“Oh, that means you won a free popcorn,” I say, handing him a large bag.

“I appreciate that, mate, but you should really tell your managers this is a crap idea. I almost choked on the bloody thing. Could have killed me.”

I told him I’d pass along the message.

The worst morning in history

I’d done it. I had made it to senior manager of a theater in North Carolina, and this was my first Saturday opening by myself — a slow and easy morning before the next manager arrived — or so I thought.

This was a time before digital projectors, and physical movie prints were moved between theaters all the time as a way to optimize the houses. Busier movies would get bumped into larger theaters; underperforming movies would go down.

On this particular morning, around 40 parents and children had gleefully arrived at the theater to watch Martian Child. Little did I know the general manager had ordered a print move the night before, but failed to update the movie schedule to make sure people ended up in the right theaters.

So I’m standing in the lobby at 10:40 a.m., pleased with how we handled the first rush and shooting the shit with the employees. I see a grandmother walk out of Martian Child. Then a mother, then another, then one in tears followed by a father who looks like he’s ready to punch me.

I can’t recall everything they yelled, but one stands out in my mind:

“HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT TO MY KIDS?”

It turns out Martian Child had been far busier the night before and We Own the Night had been underperforming. If you haven’t seen We Own the Night, it opens with an extended sequence of Joaquin Phoenix going down on Eva Mendes. Parents who brought their kids to see a tale about a child who believes he is from Mars instead learned the effective way to perform cunnilingus. Probably a good life skill, but parents and grandparents were furious nonetheless.

I tried to explain what happened, but nobody wanted to hear it. I gave everyone refunds and two free movie tickets, which got me yelled at by my general manager. Even though she screwed everything up in the first place. I never trusted her again.

Popcorn and coke

Being a good manager requires understanding your staff’s strengths and weaknesses on any given night.

At 9 p.m. on a surprisingly busy night, I asked an employee (who we’ll call Jane) to clean the popcorn popper. This is usually a task that takes 20-30 minutes, but I wanted a deep clean before the weekend and gave her plenty of time to do this.

“Absolutely Mr. Dator, I’m just going to take a quick break, then I’ll get to it.”

I went back to my office to count money and prepare for the end of the night. Shortly before 10, I received a call.

“You need to come look at the popper.”

Little did I know that Jane used her break to run outside, see her boyfriend, and do three rails of coke in the parking lot. To her credit, Jane listened to me and deep cleaned the popcorn popper, but what I didn’t know was that she was going to take it apart. All of it. Like, every single piece.

Springs, screws, nuts and bolts. Kettles, sheet metal, hinges and flanges — all strewn across multiple countertops and polished to perfection. Jane hadn’t just cleaned the popcorn popper; she dismantled it using borrowed tools from the projectionist’s booth.

I called my general manager, who brusquely told me to “get it back together.” It took seven hours to reassemble it. I finished at sunrise and had to be back at 10 a.m.

At least the popper was clean.

The time I saw two legs shatter in front of me

Sometimes the most shocking things happen when you least expect it. This happened to me in Sydney during an otherwise quiet night in the box office. I was bored, playing Snake on my Nokia 3310 when a man came screaming past me, both literally and figuratively. He was yelling that the FBI was chasing him, a curious choice considering we were in Australia.

His screams echoed through the cinema as he ran upstairs and right above me in a cafe area that overlooked the entrance. Security was in pursuit, trying to figure out what was going on, but little did any of us know the screaming man had taken an immense amount of PCP shortly before his arrival.

The last thing I heard him say was, “Get away from me!” before he jumped from the balcony and landed right in front of me onto the tile floor — instantly shattering his tibias or fibulas, maybe both, in multiple places.

All I could do was call the ambulance. Another manager had to mop up the blood. I hope that guy is OK.

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simpmaru-nara · 7 years

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Re: Thor Ragnarok

Okay so I’ve got a lot to say about this movie so I recommend you settle in for the long haul. Also there’s gonna be spoilers obv since I’ll have to reference the movie to make some of my points. I’ll try to stay away from any big ones, but go into this knowing that it will spoil some points.

To get started I’d like to say that if you are going to see the movie for pure entertainment value then the movie’s pretty alright; gorgeous graphics, some good jokes, fun costumes, etc. But even in that aspect much of the action was lackluster simply because it was often diminished to make room for dialogue or to cut to uninteresting parts of a fight. For instance in the final big fight there are three different points of interest and we spend too much time seeing the least fun parts of all those fights. And the gladiator scenes, which were extremely played up in the trailers, only last for about ten minutes and end by leaving the viewers both confused and disappointed.

In fact “confused and disappointed” was the mood for the entire movie

Despite excessive exposition the story somehow manages to be extremely vague with lots of unanswered questions. The first ten minutes of the movie is just Thor explaining how he ended up in the position we find him in and explaining the plot-important villain he faces. It tells instead of shows and is interrupted several times to make way for uncharacteristic jokes. It’s boring as hell and still doesn’t answer most questions one could have about what’s been happening to Thor since last we saw him. Then it transitions in probably the most disappointing way possible to answer a question that people have been burning with since the cliffhanger in the last Thor movie; what happened to Asgard and Loki? Thor arrives in Asgard to find Loki; who apparently has been met with zero suspicion in the face of extremely odd behavior and the creation of a god damn gold statue. Despite being questioned at every turn by the Warriors Three and Sif (who was suspiciously absent in this movie but I’ll get to that later) in the first movie, apparently in this movie everyone is content to praise the saint Loki who died for their sins. The entire situation is treated with a lot of nonchalance even after Loki is unmasked. Even more casual is the mention of the time that has passed with Loki in charge and absolutely nothing is said about what he’s done as king. Several movies building up Loki’s desire to rule, believing himself more worthy than his hot-headed brother, only for it to end up being something he does nothing note-worthy with. We were led to expect more. Oh and also apparently Thor and Jane broke up? Why? Oh right because we needed room for his new love interest. Of course this type of empty story telling carries on throughout the entire movie. It’s never truly explained how the last Valkyrie survived or how Bruce ended up in space.

Actually I’d like to talk about that last one a little more. The writers behind this movie used huge cop-outs in a few key points. One of the biggest was Hulk explaining what happened to him after the events of Age of Ultron. They used the dumb child-like personality they built for him as a way of dodging responsibility for explaining how the hell Hulk even ended up where he was. The quinjet, as far as we know, is not a space-faring vessel. It’s a god damn plane and yet we’re meant to believe that somehow the Hulk managed to fly that thing into space and make it far away from Earth and crash land on Sakaar before anywhere else. It’s ridiculous yet it’s the only explanation we’re offered from an illiterate Hulk. More than that we aren’t given any reason for why Thor is in the Hulk’s quarters. It’s made fairly clear that Hulk’s feelings towards Thor are mixed and the Grand Master wanted Thor dead in order to keep his Champion but for some reason both keep Thor alive and even choose to let him stay with Hulk? And no one questions it; not even Thor.

Thor, and the entire cast for that matter, is wildly out of character the entirety of the movie. Everyone is ripped to shreds in favor of humor. It’s like the writers went, “Hmmm, how do we make Bruce Banner funny? Oh!! I know! Just make him really weird for no apparent reason and also give him mood swings because we’re just going to forget that he had complete control prior to this movie and instead he’s going to be neurotic.” And they did that to everyone. Thor had a sense of humor in the earlier movies; typically more subtle and friendly, but here he’s openly sarcastic bordering on cynical. His jokes come across more Stark-ish (if Tony suddenly genuinely stopped caring) than they do Thor’s brand of humor. And Loki. God Loki... he’s reduced to a running joke about betrayal and being untrustworthy. “Silver tongued” Loki appears to have lost any amount of wit or actual mischief and is instead predictable and weirdly subdued. And all of this humor is ill-timed.

The writers absolutely refuse to give a single moment in the movie any depth. Any time that the plot manages to touch on something meaningful there’s humor thrown in as a buffer that only succeeds in forcefully detaching you from the plights of the characters. Thor’s in a cage and being threatened by the literal catalyst of Ragnarok? Better toss in a couple of jokes so it doesn’t seem too intense. Thor and Loki actually have a chance to talk about their problems and/or work as a team to establish a dynamic? Better make a joke about how easily Loki will throw Thor under the bus. Odin just died and Mjolnir was destroyed? Quick lets move onto the next thing before things get too heavy. The movie completely fails in making you care about anyone in the main cast. In fact, the person I was most invested in for the entire movie was Heimdal. The man has a total of maybe 10 minutes of screen time, but damn if he wasn’t the most interesting thing going on in the story. That’s at least half way because they didn’t try to force any awkward humor with him and they didn’t kill him. Which they killed a lot of characters in this movie and never give it the proper time or even weight to be grieved over.

Among the characters who were killed were the Warriors Three. A fact which is never acknowledged even as it happens. We at least get told (through Exposition Golem Alien because the audience can’t be trusted to deduce anything obviously) that Mjolnir being destroyed is a heavy weight on Thor and we see briefly the level of grief Thor feels for the loss of Odin, but the Warriors Three were Thor’s best friends. He grew up around them, adventured with them, they play a significant part in the first Thor movie, yet even before they die they’re widely forgotten about both by the plot and by Thor. Interestingly enough, however, is that Sif does not appear in this movie.

Sif remains completely AWOL for the entire movie, and honestly I’m pretty sure the reason is because the writers were reluctant to kill her off since she’s the Hot Warrior Babe. Because obviously they showed no hesitation in getting rid of the warriors as a casualty of the opposition to Hela and if Sif had been present she would have been right beside them and equally dead. Couldn’t do that so instead she’s just mysteriously not there. And I make this accusation with more than just Sif in mind. The movie also doesn’t want you to think that Hela isn’t attractive. In every scene we see her in she starts with her hair down in a sexy cat suit until she’s ready to fight at which point her wild black hair turns into her war helmet. There’s no real reason for the transition other than the fact that if she was always sporting the war helmet then she would come across as less attractive.

Besides the casual “must remain sexy” attitude towards Hela there was also a huge lack of continuity in the story, which kind of ties in with the lack questions answered, but still stands as it’s own problem. In the first Thor movie Odin takes Thor’s powers and casts an enchantment on Mjolnir. “Whosoever holds this hammer, should he be worth, shall possess the power of Thor.” Obviously Thor is the one to eventually pick up the hammer again and regain his power, but the importance of Mjolnir relative to Thor’s abilities is not diminished at that point. Yet magically in this movie Thor doesn’t need Mjolnir he just has these powers naturally. Even though, you know, Asgardians have never been shown to just naturally have elemental abilities and it was established that Thor doesn’t have much magic prowess the way Loki does. But that’s okay we’ll just ignore that because it’s really cool to see Thor turn into an anime character with glowing white eyes and electric fists (an ability he didn’t have even when he possessed Mjolnir). Also there’s the fact that Asgard’s history is vaguely outlined in the first movie as well and it’s made very clear that Odin is not the one who carved a spot for the golden city. He’s not the first king; his father was king before him. So no, Hela, you didn’t help Odin drown the realms in blood especially not while he was busy trying to end a war with Jotunheim as was explained as what he was doing around the time Thor was born and Loki was adopted. And it’s not just this either; there were plenty of other errors there, even with Doctor Strange.

And the scene with the Doc was odd in it’s own right. Last we saw of Doctor Strange he was giving up the infinity stone and taking over the New York sanctum as a talented, but still young sorcerer. When we see him in this movie he throws around magic like candy; appearing to be extremely proficient and wearing a familiar comic-book-esque outfit. Which raises the question, where is he relative to the power he (if we’re to go off the comics) is meant to possess? Is he the supreme now? What has he been doing since the end of his movie? The timeline is wonky at best and leaves you grasping blindly to try and put it together. It’s only made worse by the first after-credits scene which seems to be leaning into Infinity Wars territory.

Honestly I could talk about everything this movie could have done better for hours. I could pick apart the entire movie start to finish for all the things that were just wrong. But this is already an essay sized post so I’m gonna wrap it up. I care about this franchise. I care about the MCU. And that’s why it makes me so upset, as a fellow writer, to see how god damn lazy every part of Thor: Ragnarok was. The writer’s consistently and shamelessly cop-out of any meaningful story telling. “Show not tell” is a concept burned, drowned, and buried. They tear apart these beloved characters so thoroughly that they are nearly unrecognizable all in the pursuit of getting some good one-liners out there. I don’t have the words to describe my disappointment because Thor isn’t the first recent Marvel movie to do this. Guardians of the Galaxy 2 made some similar mistakes and now I’m feeling like the MCU no longer cares about building a coherent story line with dimensional characters. Instead they just care about making a movie as quotable as possible so that they sell some merch. And that’s a shame; I don’t want to see the MCU die because of a cash grab that sacrifices legitimate investment in the franchise.

#thor ragnarok #thor ragnarok spoilers #marvel #mcu #long post #i wrote a god damn essay yall i'm sorry #if you managed to read the whole thing and wanna yell with me feel free to hmu #alien babble

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noramoya · 7 years

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Owen Jones Friday 15 August 2014 Nine months ago, Jake Mills texted his girlfriend one final time to tell her he loved her – and then he tried to kill himself. "I genuinely felt that I was a burden to a lot of people's lives," the 25-year-old Liverpool comedian says. "A lot of people say suicide is a selfish act but, in that frame of mind, if you're about to kill yourself, you just don't see anything better." Although Jake had been visiting a counsellor, he was just telling her what he thought she wanted to hear. "She discharged me and told me that I was healthy and better. But actually I wasn't better, I was just better at lying." Jake was rescued by his girlfriend and has been confronting his depression ever since. But for all too many men, there is no rescue. Last week, millions were shocked by the suicide of beloved actor Robin Williams. The aftermath has provoked a long-neglected debate about mental health and suicide. A cursory look at the statistics in Britain suggests it is dearly needed. Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease. It is also predominantly a male disorder. Of the 5,981 suicides in 2012, an astonishing 4,590 (76%) were men. And yet while Britain has high-profile campaigns on, say, testicular cancer or driving safely, the biggest killer of men under 50 is not getting the attention it deserves. Jane Powell is the founder and director of Calm, the Campaign Against Living Miserably, which specifically deals with male suicide. "If you're a mum, a dad, a loved one, you want to worry about the biggest threat," she says. "And yet we worry about assault levels, rather than the real killer – suicide." She makes a provocative case: that while breast cancer does kill men, we rightly focus on it as a female disease. In the same way, suicide prevention has to focus on men. "We need to name the issue," she says. Why are so many more men killing themselves than women? "Is it biologically set in stone that men take their own lives – or is it cultural?" Powell asks. "If you look at how the suicide rates have changed, how they go up and down, you can see that it's cultural – it's about what we expect." And this is what is so troubling about male suicide. Women are actually more likely to suffer from depression, but more likely to seek help when they encounter trouble. The uncomfortable truth is that stereotypical forms of masculinity – stiff upper lips, "laddishness" – are killing men. Ant Meads, a 35-year-old based in Coventry, tried to end his life nearly two years ago. Growing up, he had undiagnosed obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). "I was 18, working in a concrete yard, surrounded by big burly men doing manual labour, and I was a stick insect," he recalls. Whenever his hands were dirty, he felt nauseous, so he wore gloves all the time. "I got bullied every single day when I was there, I was the 'little special princess who has to have his special gloves'. It was the first time I realised that I was not living up to the ideal of what a man should be." His OCD would get worse, until he was too anxious to leave the house. "I was failing myself, my family, society, because I couldn't do what every man was supposed to be able to do." He was left with a sense of worthlessness, of letting people down. When he first told his father that he was depressed, he told him to "get over it". It wasn't just relatives: doctors told him to "get on with it" as well. When a doctor finally referred him to psychiatric care, Meads faced a six-week wait before finally being seen by a community liaison officer, who disputed whether he had OCD because – unlike other patients – his hands were not chapped. "It's this horrible idea of what a man is supposed to be," he explains. "It's a general feeling, evident in the fact that so many men commit suicide, because they're not living up to this mythical idea." This sense that men should not speak about their feelings is not always overt; nor does it necessarily manifest itself as bullying. Fabio Zucchelli, 29, has had depression since his early teenage years. "I noticed that I was low for very long periods, and it developed into what people term clinical depression," he says. "It certainly held me back in many ways, up to my early to mid 20s ... There have been long periods when I've felt not able to work at all." Zucchelli says he didn't suffer from "self-stigmatising issues", and has been able to talk about his feelings with professionals. "The main issue I've had with feeling able to talk about mental health difficulties is with male friends, who just find it really uncomfortable. I haven't had anyone defriend me because of it, just a lot of discomfort." When the 35-year-old Labour MP John Woodcock announced last December that he was depressed, he was confronting a double stigma: not just as a man talking about his mental health, but as a politician discussing a personal issue that is all too often portrayed as a weakness. "I've been really struck by the number of men who have come up to me – often in my constituency – like ex-shipyard workers who have struggled for 10 years, who have been keeping it quiet," he tells me. "We do operate in a culture where men, by and large, talk about their feelings less. They're self-conscious about talking about weakness, there's this male sense of 'shrug and get on with stuff'." This type of male identity is cemented at a very young age. According to research by the LGB charity Stonewall, 98% of gay pupils and 95% of teachers hear "that's so gay" or "you're so gay" at school; nearly as many hear "dyke" or "poof" thrown around as insults. "It's so much wider than gay or bisexual men," says Stonewall's spokesman Richard Lane. "Men hear 'man up' and 'stop being such a poof'. It's a real barrier in talking about mental health issues." Rather than being entirely about anti-gay hatred, there is an element of "gender policing", of abuse directed at men who do not conform to a stereotype of masculinity. "Asking for help is seen as an affront to masculinity," says the writer Laurie Penny, who has extensively researched mental health issues and written about her own experiences. "This is deeply, deeply troubling, because it means when you're taking that first step when you're suffering a mental health difficulty, reaching out for help is made doubly hard. The rules of masculinity prevent you from asking for help or talking about feelings." According to Penny, depression is often accompanied by a sense of shame, of not deserving help, "and when messed-up gender roles are thrown into the mix, it's going to become even more troubling". She has no doubt that gender policing "ruins lives across the board". Mind is one of Britain's main mental health charities; according to its research, just 23% of men would see a GP if they felt low for more than two weeks, compared with 33% of women. "One of the more common ways men deal with it is self-medicating with alcohol and drugs," says the Mind spokeswoman Beth Murphy. "They start going to the pub, block feelings, hide feelings, drink, then do it more, and it becomes a cycle. The drugs and alcohol can end up as big a problem as the mental distress in the first place." Indeed, research has suggested that men are twice as likely as women to develop alcoholism. In the late 1990s, it was men in their 20s who were most at risk from suicide; today it is men in their 40s. As Murphy points out, it's the same cohort, and is evidence of "scarring": of being unemployed at a young age, and suffering from long-term consequences, including higher rates of unemployment and lower wages in later life, as well as mental distress. According to research by Samaritans, those in the poorest socioeconomic circumstances are 10 times more likely to kill themselves than those in the most affluent. Both men and women experience poverty, of course – but it is men who are more likely to kill themselves if they are poor. And the help simply is not there for men, EVEN IF THEY SEEK IT. When Ant Meads finally saw the doctor who instantly recognised his OCD and began a referral for specialist care, he faced a nine-month wait. "Imagine you're suicidal, you need to see a psychiatrist, and you're told the current waiting list is nine months. How do people cope?" Meads is adamant that he would not be alive had his employer not referred him to private healthcare. He believes there needs to be far more government investment and a national advertising blitz about men and mental health. But the winds are blowing against Meads's calls: mental health trusts are making cuts amounting to 20% more than those made by other hospitals; mental health services have cut beds by nearly 10% in the past three years, and mental health organisations have warned that cuts to such services are risking people's lives. "I'm really concerned about it," says Woodcock. "We've now made the commitment that mental health should have parity with physical conditions in the NHS, but we're not close to delivering that parity." Unless this changes, he suggests, "we'll fail many people who will suffer mental health conditions, or even suicide, when they can be helped." Challenging unreconstructed masculinity is surely a priority, too. The organisation Calm has launched an initiative called "#mandictionary", encouraging men to take on "archaic male stereotypes" and "define themselves on their own terms". Men speaking out – as they have done in this article – helps, too, encouraging others to come forward. "From a personal point of view, I'd never admit to anyone I was depressed, I didn't even want to be on antidepressants because of the stigma attached," Jake Mills explains. "I thought I'd be addicted to them and weak." Now he uses his comedy to raise the issue. "The best decision I made in my life was announcing it, going on Twitter. I've had enough, I'm not hiding from it any more." Speaking out and challenging the stigma of mental health is certainly courageous. And doing so may just help to save the lives of other men who are suffering in agonising, lonely silence. "

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