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selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 4 months

Note

Child reader who hates physical touch and I mean absolutely despise it but sometimes clingy to poe and akutagawa too feel comfortable because of their social anxiety

No pats

Self-Aware! Platonic! Edgar Allan Poe x GN! Child! Reader x Self-Aware! Platonic! Akutagawa Ryunosuke

Description: You are the cutest kid ever. Such a shame, that you don't like pats and hugs. Or, do you?

Warning: OOC. English is my second language

_____

🧥🦝 It was quite a surprise for BSD Cast, when they learned, that you are a child.

🧥🦝 They were a little bit worried. You are a kid, and you have read about some dark stuff in their manga. Aren't you too young to read about mafia, criminals and cities destruction?

🧥🦝 Well... There is nothing they can do about it. Besides, this revelation won't change much for them. They still adore you.

🧥🦝 How could they not adore you? You are sweet and cute child.

🧥🦝 After a little friendly competition between adult characters of an "acceptable for being an adopted parent", you were officially adopted by Bram.

🧥🦝 Bram is your guardian de jure. De facto you are adopted by every member of BSD Gang.

🧥🦝 BSD Cast do everything to make you feel happy. But, there is one little thing. And it makes them nervous.

🧥🦝 You hated any form of physical affection.

🧥🦝 Every time, someone tried to give you a head pat, you either froze or tried to dodge. And, while less tense, you didn't like, when other kids touched you.

🧥🦝 It made everyone feel puzzled and nervous.

🧥🦝 Were they scarring you? Has someone hurt you in the past? Maybe, they have rushed things, and you didn't want to be adopted by them?

🧥🦝 They decided to deal with the possibility of you being hurt in the past. Your medical records didn't show much. You were a healthy baby and healthy kid. But, documents can be forged.

🧥🦝 They needed to hear about your past from someone from your past. Teachers and people from orphanage.

🧥🦝 Time to call for Mushitarou's and Ango's abilities.

_______

"I swear, I didn't do anything bad! Please, don't hurt me!" Orphanage's director begged, trying to get away from Akutagawa.

Akutagawa's grip became stronger. Mafioso hissed. Rashomon slowly raised its head above Akutagawa's shoulder.

"I don't believe you. Why [Y/N] is so nervous, when someone are touching them?"

Director mewled, sobbed and lost consciousness.

Akutagawa rolled his eyes and lose his grip on Director. Man fall down on the floor, like a bag of potatoes.

Akutagawa stepped away and left the Director's office. He hopped, that Man-tiger could find something.

________

🧥🦝 Meanwhile, Poe decided to simply talk to you.

_______

You were enjoying your cake. Poe, who sat on the opposite side of the table, observed your movements. Karl was sitting on your lap. You wanted to give him a piece of your cake, but Poe warned you not to do this. Karl could become sick because of the cake.

"[Y/N], can I ask you something?" Poe's voice was warm and shooting. You nodded, silently chewing the sweet treat. Poe smiled. You looked like a hamster.

"[Y/N], are we scaring you? You always freeze, when someone tries to give you a head pat. Even when Q and Elise tried to hug you, you jumped away from them."

You swallow and shook your head.

"No! No! I love living with you. I just don't like being touched!"

Poe thought over your answer and asked another question.

"That's it? We won't be angry, if you feel nervous around us. It's okay to feel nervous in this situation."

You shook your head again.

"That's it. I always hated to be touched."

Poe just nodded. It's fine. He must tell others about it. So they won't make you upset anymore.

_______

🧥🦝 Akutagawa, Atsushi, Ango and Mushitarou didn't learn anything new about you. Everyone called you a sweet, quiet child, who have never got into troubles. At least, they've proved, that you weren't hurt in the past.

🧥🦝 When they returned home, Poe told them, what he has learned about you.

______

🧥🦝 Everything were fine.

🧥🦝 All of you slowly learned to be a family. You became more talkative. You started spending time with BSD Cast more often. You still didn't like physical affection. BSD Cast respected it.

🧥🦝 One day, something interesting happened.

🧥🦝 When you and Poe were getting groceries.

_______

The grocery store was almost empty.

As usual, you were walking close to Poe. As usual, weren't holding his hand or grabbing his sleeve. Poe kept a close eye on you.

Everything went fine. Until you two reached the candy aisle.

The bunch of kids, same age as you, were discussing their favorite candies. Kids were quite loud. But not loud enough to be asked to leave the store.

Then, Poe felt it. Two small hands grabbing his sleeve, and a child's face being pressed against his arm.

Poe looked at you. You looked nervous, glancing at the kids from time to time. You looked anxious.

Poe knew, too well, how social anxiety looked like. He carefully put his free hand on your head. You didn't move. You looked slightly grateful for having Poe's hand on your head.

"Want to leave?" whispered Poe. You nodded. Poe freed his arm from yours, took your hand, and went to the cash register.

You kept holding his hands. You let it go only when Poe and you almost reached home.

______

🧥🦝 You became more open in Poe's presence. You sent time in his room, playing with Karl, doing homework and reading books. Sometimes, you cling to Poe, when you felt nervous about school festivals/class gatherings.

🧥🦝 Soon, you found second person to be as open as you were with Poe.

🧥🦝 An unexpected one.

_____

You didn't like excursions. So many people around you makes you feel anxious. You take a deep breath. It didn't help to lessen your anxiety. So, you decide to move to the next step.

You clung to Akutagawa, who was accompanying you today.

Mafioso looked at you. He was slightly puzzled. But, after noticing your expression, unbuttoned his coat, hiding you with it.

"Thanks..." whispered you, clinging to Akutagawa's side.

"No problems," shrugged Akutagawa, giving you a headpat.

_____

🧥🦝 Now you have two people you go to, when you feel anxious. You liked to spend time with Poe and Akutagawa. Sometimes, you let them give you a headpat.

🧥🦝 Maybe, one day, you will cling to more people.

🧥🦝 For now, you have Older Brother Poe and Older Brother Akutagawa.

🧥🦝 And they will always be there for you.

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janeyseymour · 5 months

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hiii!! i hope you’re doing well. i was hoping to request a melissa x reader. where the reader is really struggling with mental health and her gf (melissa) is starting to notice it.

one day during work (they school) the reader gets into an argument with one of the other teachers and the teacher says some rude stuff to her which hurts her a lot. the reader leaves the school for the day w/o telling melissa.

(hurt, comfort, some fluff)

Hi! I'm so behind on writing because of my school situation at the moment... but I hope this is what you were looking for! As always, not edited in the slightest

Good Days, Bad Days

wc: ~2.6k

You’ve been struggling lately. You hate to admit it to even just yourself, much less anyone else. But you are struggling. You don’t really know why.

Okay. You do know why.

You’re taking on too much- school is overwhelming between the kids and the extra tasks you’ve decided to take on (why you thought being part of the curriculum development committee is beyond you), things are getting more serious with your girlfriend, and you have to admit you aren’t doing a great job of balancing everything. You’re trying your best, but it’s getting really hard. Your ideas are shot done more and more. You feel like you barely see Melissa, and when you do, the two of you are arguing about God even knows what. It always ends up with the two of you in bed holding each other and promising you aren’t upset with each other and that you love each other, but it’s becoming a sick cycle- and not a cycle the two of you necessarily want to be in.

And the fiery redhead is starting to notice the way that your mental health has been declining. She’s been watching it steadily for the last month or so. The way you haven’t been eating as much, the way you can barely keep your eyes open at times, how you fall asleep almost every time you’re sitting still. You’re constantly irritable, and you burst into tears at least once a day.

“My love,” she whispers as she pulls you closer.

You sob into her shoulder. “I just- I don’t know what I’m doing wrong!” you blubber.

“You aren’t doing anything wrong, honey,” she tries to reassure you, although her words fall upon mostly deaf ears. Your tears are uncontrollable, and at this point, you’ve lost yourself. You don’t even know why you’re crying this time.

“C’mon, amore,” she rocks you gently. “Let’s get you up to bed. You need some rest.”

“I- I can’t!” you whine. “I have to come up with more ideas for the curriculum meeting tomorrow, and I have to grade the kids’ social studies projects, and I- I-” You struggle to catch your breath as you hiccup out a sob.

She takes a few deep breaths, hoping you’ll follow her motions. You do, just barely. She smiles softly and praises you. “Good. Keep breathing, honey. You’re okay,” she mumbles against your head.

After a bit of calming yourself down, you reach for your students’ social studies projects and start to grade them again. Melissa settles on the barstool next to you and grabs her own stack. She helps you grade them, and then the two of you head to bed. She holds you until she falls asleep, and then she reaches for her laptop that’s on the nightstand. She finds a few new ideas for curriculum that might help to benefit the students, emails them to you, and curls up around you again.

You wake up the next morning dreading the day. You have your meeting during your prep, meaning you won’t have time to prep the materials you need to for the science experiment today and will instead be setting everything up during your lunch. You have recess duty today, so you really won’t be able to settle at all today.

“Y/N,” Melissa shakes you awake gently. She’s already ready for school, makeup and all. “It’s time to wake up, hon.”

You whine as you roll over. “Five more minutes, babe.”

“I already let you sleep twenty extra minutes,” she tells you gently. “You gotta get up. You can eat breakfast in the car, but you’re eating breakfast today.”

You sigh and roll out of bed. You get yourself ready for the day before stomping off towards the vehicle. Melissa brings you a bowl of breakfast casserole and gets into the driver’s seat. You only take a few bites before you start to feel nauseous and close your eyes for the rest of the drive. Your girlfriend rests her hand on your thigh as she drives, and she gives it a gentle squeeze once she parks the car.

“We’re here, amore,” she sighs quietly. “I know you’ve been stressed about your meeting today, so I sent you a few curriculum ideas last night. Why don’t you look over them and finish up your breakfast?”

“You did that for me?” You tear up at her thoughtfulness.

“I did,” she smiles at you softly. “But you don’t have time to cry about it right now, hon. You have to prep, and finish breakfast.”

You groan, but you know she’s right. You grab your bags, take the bowl, and head into the school. You settle at your seat in the teachers lounge and start prepping for your meeting at 11, forgetting about your breakfast. The only reason you remember is because Melissa is sitting next to you holding the fork up to your mouth. You blush and take the bite gratefully.

Before you know it, everyone else has filed in, Jacob is playing the news all too loudly, and you pack up your things to work in your classroom. You give the redhead a kiss to the cheek before heading out.

You don’t expect her to follow- you know how much she loves watching Channel 6. But she does with a confused look on her face.

“You okay, hon?” she asks you softly as she pulls up a chair next to your desk.

“Just can’t get distracted today,” you sigh. She doesn’t know how much is riding on this one meeting.

“You can usually work with the news on?” she furrows her brows and purses her lips.

“I- It was just a little overstimulating today, okay?” you tell her, hoping this smooths everything over. “Go watch the news with them. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” she sucks a breath in. Melissa gives you a soft kiss before seeing herself out. She knows when to leave you be at this point, and you clearly need to be alone right now.

The kids come in far before you’re ready for them. But still, you stand from your desk and meet most of them at the door with a bright smile and a hug if they want one. But Melissa can see the tension in your shoulders and your body language.

Your students are genuinely pretty well behaved today. They’re quiet, they get their independent work done, and you continue to prep for your meeting. You silently thank God for that. You don’t know what you would’ve done if you had to handle behaviors on top of your meeting today.

They line up, head down to music, and you head into one of the meeting rooms in the office for curriculum development. The lights are too bright. You can hear them flickering. You don’t feel okay in your own body right now- your clothes are itchy, and you can’t stand the way that the chair feels against you.

None of your ideas are received well, and you struggle to hold back tears at this point. Shaina, One of the older teachers upstairs is just digging into every little bit of your being now. You don’t even know what to do- you aren’t even talking about curriculum anymore.

“Maybe, and hear me out guys,” the woman addresses the group. “Instead of focusing so much on developing a new curriculum, when this one works so well for most of us already, we address the actual issue in the room: the shit teachers we have here.” She looks directly at you. You can feel your cheeks flush red and the tears spring to your eyes.

“Hey,” one of the kinder teachers sighs.

“No, no!” Shaina argues. “I’m being serious! We can get rid of the new teachers who think they know everything and can’t teach for the life of them with better ones!”

“I- I think I teach well,” you mumble. “My kids love my lessons that I do with them.”

“Oh please,” the older teacher laughs in your face. “Your kids only pretend so they don’t hurt your pathetic little feelings, Miss Sensitive.”

“I-If they didn’t like my lessons, I think I would know,” you mutter.

One of the other teachers tries to get back to the focus of this meeting, but Shaina just won’t quit.

“The only reason they kept your lazy, pathetic ass around here is because of that stupid, bitchy girlfriend of yours,” she comments. “No one wants to fuck with Schemmenti, and certainly no one wants to fuck with you. Hm… maybe that’s why the two of you found each-”

You don’t even bother gathering your notes or laptop. You just head out of the meeting. You can’t stop the red, hot tears that begin to pour over as you run down to your classroom to grab your purse. You can’t be here right now. You just can’t.

You head back into the office, and you can hear the committee still in the conference room now going after Shaina for upsetting you, but you don’t care. You head straight into Ava’s office.

“Ava, I- I need to go home.”

“I don’t have time for-” the principal sighs as she doesn’t even bother to look up from her phone.

“Ava,” you say emphatically. “Please.”

Only then does she look up at you, and she takes in your appearance. She has a bit of a soft spot for you. “Oh, Y/N, girl, what happened?”

“It- it doesn’t matter. I just can’t be here right now, please. I need a sub right now, I’ll even take Mr. J.”

“Should I pull Melissa for you?” she asks, clearly concerned.

“N-no. She was excited to teach her math lesson with them today, so just… she’ll figure it out,” you stutter out. “I’ll just take the bus home. I just- fuck. I need to go home.”

The principal nods and starts making the announcement over the intercom that the janitor needs to report to her office immediately. She gives you a sad nod, and you head out.

Melissa, not knowing that you’ve gone home, heads into the staff room for lunch. She pulls your lunch out and sets it at your spot for you. But you never show. You’re already about half a bottle deep in wine and drowning your sorrows. When you don’t show after fifteen minutes, she sighs and heads down to your room, fully expecting to find you asleep at your desk. But your bag is gone, your laptop isn’t there, and your mug of coffee is still sitting on your desk half finished. She raises a brow as she heads back down to the teachers lunch room.

“Anyone seen Y/N?” the second grade teacher asks.

“Not since this morning,” Barbara says. “Was she not in her room?”

“No. Her bags are gone too, and her laptop isn’t there?”

“Maybe check the conference room?”

“She does like to work in there sometimes,” Melissa mulls it over as she leaves again. She makes her way down the hall and towards the main office. She finds your laptop, but you’re still nowhere to be found.

“Oi,” she grumbles. “Woman’s lost her damned mind.”

Ava appears behind her. “Your girl went home.”

“She what? She couldn’t have. I drove us in today?”

“She said something about taking the bus,” Ava shrugs. “I ain’t never seen that girl cry the way she was crying. Must’ve finally snapped.”

“Who has her kids?” your girlfriend asks, and she’s immediately fumbling for her phone to call you.

“Mr. Johnson,” the principal shrugs. “She said she would even take him, and I sure as hell don’t got the time to wrangle a bunch of third graders today.”

You see your phone light up with Melissa’s name and the sweet picture you have of the two of you. You send it to voicemail.

“She’s not picking up,” Melissa grumbles.

“She looked pretty beat, like she could fall asleep standing up,” Ava shrugs.

“She did that the other night,” your girlfriend sighs. “Poor thing.”

“Well, what’re you waiting for? Go save your princess,” the principal chuckles.

“I don’t got no one to cover my class,” she points out.

“I got it,” Ava tells her. “Anything for Y/N.”

The redhead, while shocked, doesn’t have to be told twice. She heads into the teachers lounge to grab the rest of her lunch and your lunch.

“I’m heading home for the day,” Melissa tells the usual crew. When they give her a questioning look, she just shrugs and continues to pack up your things. It’s none of their business why she’s leaving early.

She rolls through most of the stop signs on the drive home, and only once does she run through a red light where she sure a cop isn’t lingering out of sight.

When she pulls in, she notices that all of the lights in the house are off, and your car is still sitting right where you left it last night.

“Amore?” she calls softly as she kicks off her shoes at the front door. She enters the living room, and there you are, eyes rimmed red. Your curled up under your favorite blanket, wearing one of her Flyers sweatshirts, with a glass of wine and a carton of ice cream and an empty Wawa hoagie wrapper at your side. Your comfort movie is playing, and you sigh deeply.

“Why are you home?”

“Because when my girlfriend disappears midday and Ava tells me she has me covered, I come home,” Melissa tells you gently as she drops her bags on the bench. She hands you your lunch and settles in next to you. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

You explain what happens, but only after your girlfriend promises you she won’t murder Shaina for upsetting you. When your finished, she’s fuming.

“Babe, you promised you wouldn’t-”

“Yeah,” she grits out. “I lied. That’s worse than what I thought you were going to say.”

“I-it’s not a big deal,” you sigh, trying to smooth it all over. “Today was just a lot for me in general. I was going to get set off no matter what.”

“No, I’ll show her who the shit teacher is… in a non-threatening way,” she adds on.

“Mel, it just isn’t worth it,” you tell her. “I’ll get over myself, and the other teachers were trying to get her to back off. I’m sure someone will go to Ava about it, but for now… I just want to wallow in my self-loathing and self-pity, okay? I’ll be fine.”

“Can I do anything to help?” she asks softly as she wraps an arm around you and tugs you in. Your head falls on her shoulder, and you sigh.

“Can we have a day in? Just sit with me and let me wallow?” you ask quietly. “I just need today to be sad, and tomorrow I’ll be okay.”

“Let me change, and then I’ll do whatever you need me to do,” she promises you. With a kiss to your head, you let her up. She’s back quickly in a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt- leather pants now gone. Her hair is tied up in a messy ponytail, and you can’t help the small smile that appears on your face.

“What, hun?”

“Just… you,” you tell Melissa as you reach for her. She settles in next to you.

“What about me?”

“I can’t believe I got you by my side,” you mumble as you curl into her side. “Having you makes everything so much better.”

“I’m always here for you, my love.” The redhead kisses your head again as she takes your hand in hers. “Through the good days, through the bad days… all of it.”

#abbott elementary #abbott elementary fanfic #abbott elementary fanfiction #melissa schemmenti x you #melissa schemmenti fanfic #melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti

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menacing-menace-rat · 21 days

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Platonic Yandere Deadpool? I think he’d be interesting…

He'd definitely be interesting! I have never really thought about Deadpool as a yandere but now that you mention it he would be wild. Unpredictable, unkillable, borderline crazy.

He wouldn't be subtle, not in the slightest. Of course he's capable of sneaking around. If he wanted it that way you probably wouldn't even know you were being stalked. He felt like it was almost insulting to you not to be upfront about the situation.

"It's something about you, man. I think of you being alone and fuck my mind goes to the worst places. Like what if you become a doctor and move into a new apartment and your landlord is this older charming guy who starts stalking you and sneaking into your apartment at night? Wait that's the plot of The Resident starring Jeffrey Dean Morgan. You get my point though. That's why you're gonna move into my apartment. Or we can go to yours but I might have to kill your landlord.

You're never really sure how serious he is about stuff. He'd joke about putting a tracking chip in the back of your neck while you slept but was completely serious about you having to have an ankle monitor on at all times.

He doesn't even know what he wants from you, he just wants you close. He likes knowing just where you are at any given moment. It calms him when he opens his phone and sees that little red dot right where he left you.

I can't see him as a violent yandere not to his obsession at least. Others though? That's a whole other can of worms. If you have a friend group he doesn't like they'd start dropping like flies. It wouldn't matter if he had kidnapped you or not. He'd feel like them just existing would somehow put you in danger.

He'd have to keep you a secret meaning at a point he'd become your only friend. It honestly wouldn't be something he was planning to do. Just a happy accident for him. To have you all to himself. All your time is his and he'd be all your social interactions.

While he's almost certainly insane you'd find it hard not to start liking his company. He wouldn't even be trying to but still he'd become your whole world.

#marvel #deadpool #platonic yandere #headcanon #fanfic

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 month

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AITA for wanting to spend a night out with a guy?

I'm twenty, study in university and still live with my parents. I've been planning to move out since I was eighteen, but they told me to keep living at home and not get a job so I could focus on studying while they take care of me financially. This arrangement has worked mostly well in the past years save for a few small conflicts, but it's escalated in the past 3-4 months.

The issue is my time schedule. I have a very active social life, am active in the local art scene, do political work and a lot of extracurricular stuff for university (I'm a straight A student, I might add!). Because of this, and because I'm a natural night owl, I usually come home late several days a week (between 10pm and 2am) and stay out all day for most of the week. This means I can't do a lot of chores, and usually there's a lot of housework because my mum has a bit of a cleaning anxiety and wants to make sure everything is spotless 24/7.

Enter this guy, I'll call him Tim. I met him at a festival last summer and we became long distance friends. Tim has visited me for a day several times before, but this weekend he offered to come over for two days and we agreed to spend the night stargazing together without sleeping. I loved the idea and immediately said yes. It was gonna be just us, a couple energy drinks, and some bench in the city center, and I was really looking forward to it.

The thing is, my mum does not like Tim. Like, at all. She thinks he seems very sleazy and generally distrusts him because he feels "too nice" for her. Mind you, he's just a somewhat shady looking guy who is generally pretty anxious he might make a bad impression, so he overperforms the whole "respectable member of society" act a bit around new people. I've introduced him to my friend group and even the more sceptical people absolutely love him and think he's a very sweet, helpful person. In basically every stressful situation I've ever seen him in he's been deescalating, protective and helpful, and he has on several occasions been my first source of comfort when things went to hell.

Today I told my mum in an offhanded comment that I won't come home between Sunday and Monday and the situation escalated completely. She was crying, accusing me of ruining her month, saying I didn't care about this family, it got ugly. The main point she had was that I was staying out all night with someone who's a total stranger to her and she doesn't trust him at all. In the end we compromised that Tim and I would spend the night awake, but not in the city, at home.

I feel really humiliated by this whole situation and honestly, kind of betrayed, because I was promised stuff like this wouldn't happen, and it just hits in a much safer situation than ones I've been in before (I used to get blackout drunk and sleep at parties a lot.). I'm a legal adult, have been for years now and it's so disappointing that my parents still treat me like a child sometimes and are so judgy towards my friends too. At the same time, I'm wondering whether I've acted wrong too by not telling her about this earlier and not taking her concerns that seriously. I forget sometimes that I talk to Tim every day for hours, but my parents only briefly ran into him once, so of course their view of him is skewed.

PS: I should add that when I told him about this, he immediately apologized, asked if I needed anything or wanted to change the plan and decided to dig out the least offensive outfit he could find so he'd make a good impression on my parents. So he's definitely trying his best.

#am i the asshole #aita

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urdgealesisbaby · 2 months

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Hello! Sorry for disturbing you! Could you please write a headcanon, fem reader, while struggles with depression and social anxiety, and if it's not too much, one with fem reader who loves reading and painting with Guren, Shinya, Ferid, Pantalone and Neuvillette? Thank you and if it too much, its OK, no worries 🤗

Hello! Sure thing!

I think these are my first Genshin headcanons too!

Guren Ichinose,Shinya Hiiragi,Ferid Bathory,Pantalone and Neuvillette with a reader that struggles with depression and social anxiety(and also loves reading and painting)

Guren Ichinose

-I think he's really okay when it comes to care for someone

-like he may seem a bit depressed himself but he knows how to make sure that you do feel good

-very careful around you

-need a bath? He already prepared it; need a new book to read? He already bought it

-kind of an ideal boyfriend I think of in these situations

-he really likes you so he is going to make sure that his precious darling is feeling good and anything doesn't hurt you

-really protective; someone bothering you? Already dead/scared for their lives

Shinya Hiiragi

-he is always a calm/chill man

-like for real he thinks that anything can be solved through a calm attitude

-if you have social anxiety he's going to make sure that you are comfortable wherever you two may go

-if someone dares to say something about you being too quiet or anything like that he will umm make sure they're not going to do that ever again.

-very careful around you just like Guren

-isn't the type to cheer you up with excitement or a happy face,he will just try to calm you down

-since he is kinda quiet himself he isn't like the extrovert that makes people happy with their excitement

-a very good listener

Ferid Bathory

-honestly out of all the people in the world,Ferid is a questionable guy when it comes to depression

-like he doesn't know what is that and how does he deal with it

-of course that once he learns that you have it,he'll make sure to document everything on this subject

-though his playful attitude won't help very much

-I think he'll just put on shows for you to make you happy

-or whatever he thinks that is happiness

-he may seem as just playful and manipulative on the outside, but I do believe that he can and will take care of his s/o if they're in big trouble

Pantalone

-I kinda believe that despite all that rich man stuff,Pantalone has social anxiety

-like yeah he's a Harbinger,he's dangerous,but he has anxiety

-I feel like he's not very popular among the Harbingers too,like he's just there with all his rich stuff(we don't forget about the Yelan stealing situation lol)

-he will understand what you are feeling very well since he deals with that too

-most likely his love language is either giving you comfort or bringing you expensive gifts

-uses his money to buy you the craziest shit ever just because he thinks that maybe that will make you at least a bit happier

Neuvillette

-he isn't a human so it may be a new thing for him

-though he most likely experienced sadness or even depression while being a dragon,he just didn't knew how to call it

-those feelings are certainly something he wants to share with you

-he will be very soft with you

-and by that I mean the fact that he'll sometimes forget that he's the ruler of Fontaine and he'll just focus all his attention on you

-you're really that one person for him,so if he sees you being sad he will be trying his best to cheer you up

-he'll proceed to make you some appointments to therapy

-if that helps you then he's more happy than ever to hear that

Thank you for the request and I hope you liked these!

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rainbowsky · 2 months

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Hey, I'm new here and i love your blog! I was wondering if the boys see couple\sexual edits of them together and if it makes them nervous but then it hit me that they probably aren't seeing what i see on western social media. Do you have any idea if those types of homosexual posts get censored in China?

Hi Yingyangorly! Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying my blog!☺️

I have a huge long, like, ridiculously long post in my drafts related to this topic, hopefully coming soon.

But to answer your question, I think it's impossible that GG and DD would fail to see at least some of what's posted about them as a couple, whether sent to them by friends, family or staff, or whether stumbled upon or intentionally sought out/browsed by them. It's inevitable they'll see some of it, particularly things that get a lot of attention.

I talked about this a bit a while back. GG and DD have said in interviews that they have fake social media accounts (and of course they would - how could you go anywhere or do anything on social media without one if you were famous?), and this kind of discussion has happened somewhat in relation to fan comments, etc.

You can check out my previous post for more on that stuff.

As for sexual edits, etc., like any other content I've no doubt they've seen some of it - it's inevitable they would - but I doubt it worries them all that much. It's highly unlikely to ever impact them directly, because ultimately it's not really about them, is it? It's about the creators who make it. Any backlash is more likely to fall upon creators, not GG and DD.

And just as a reminder - it's not illegal to be gay in China, it's not illegal to post homosexual content, etc. Such content is censored on TV and other broadcast media, but not online.

Porn is very illegal in China, but that's mostly only selectively enforced. In fact, China produces a lot of porn and a lot of smutty fiction and all of it is illegal, but it still manages to thrive fairly well.

Explicit content of any kind is technically not allowed on Weibo but it's still out there - although most of it is pretty toned down and tame. Actual porn of sexual activity isn't ubiquitous there, but lewd fan art, fan fic, edits and memes can often be found.

All platforms globally have rules against explicit content, and they're just as poorly enforced everywhere. I suspect a lot of that is because social media engagement makes money, and sex sells. It's not really in the interest of platforms to completely shut down all such content - even if it was possible to do so.

The supertopic rules likely have more impact on fan behavior in this regard than the Weibo TOS does. Those rules forbid mentioning GG and DD by name or tagging their accounts, and forbid sexualization, pornography, feminization and fixating on body parts. However, that's only within the supertopics. Ultimately people are free to post whatever they want on their own accounts, and they do.

Given how many antis and solos are out there trying to take down the turtle fandom, the fact that these things manage to stay up for as long as they do speaks to how weak the enforcement is. There are definitely people out there who will report things that offend them.

This is, in fact, how the whole 227 thing got started. A bunch of solos decided to report an explicit fanfic to the government, and things spiralled out of control from there.

Could lightning strike a second time and another 227 be sparked from some of this explicit content? For a lot of complicated reasons I'm not going to get into here (it would be a very long post), I don't think that's likely.

227 was a special, very complicated situation that I don't think is likely to happen the same way again. Timing and a lot of the other factors that played into its blowing up the way it did - all of that is unlikely to align in such a way. Especially since everyone in C-ent is a lot more cautious and vigilant after 227.

GG and DD are both in good standing with the government (as is evidenced by their inclusion in government and nationalistic projects), and that's a factor that will have some influence. And no doubt they and their teams have learned a lot from past experience, and have already planned for how to protect them in various scenarios that could arise.

They also have the power to have content relating to them removed, to sue content creators, to shut down the supertopics if they want to, etc.. If they feel at risk, they have a lot of recourse. The fact that we aren't seeing this happening should reassure us that it's probably fine.

We have to realize that GG and DD are surrounded by highly skilled, highly paid professionals whose entire job is to protect them and their interests. They're both in a much safer place than they were 4 years ago.

I trust them to know what's best for them and handle their affairs accordingly. We as fans shouldn't waste time hand-wringing over things that are completely outside our control.

As for what's within our control - it's up to every individual to make our own choices about how we'll represent GG and DD online.

More on that angle if/when I ever finish that other post.

#bjyx #yizhan #ggdd in the public eye #fandom reflections #thanks so much #bxg ggdd #ask

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thenightfolknetwork · 3 months

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I’ve been with my fiancé for over 8 years now. We’ve been friends for even longer and just last summer we had been planning our wedding ceremony. Now, his family hadn’t been the best supportively, not when he came out as gay, and especially not when he, a Sapio, started dating me, a giant. They then effectively disowned him after we announced our engagement. I think they might have had some weird hope he’d ’change his mind’ or that it was a ‘phase’. This was about 3 years ago now, and I can’t speak for my partner, but he admitted though it hurt, he was relieved to be away from them after all the abuse.

Anyway, the reason for this letter is about 7 months ago we had gotten word that his family had been in a serious accident and that his parents, sister and her husband had passed away and he was listed as next-of-kin and subsequently guardian for his 4 year old nephew.

Now, we never really talked about kids beyond some vague idea. But my partner wasn’t going to turn away the kid, nor did I expect him to. So, after the funeral service and sorting with social services, we brought his nephew home.

It has been an adjustment for all of us, getting used to having a kid around and him being in a new environment that’s more geared for my size honestly. and we’ve been trying to find a good child psychologist for him. but the main problem is… well, he’s afraid of me.

I can’t really blame him for that, after everything he went through, but it still hurts sometimes when he flinches when I enter a room or speak to him. Or how he looks ready to cry when I open my mouth. Even trying to hide when he sees me just reading a book. I’ve grown up in a mixed community, but the way the kid looks at me, for the first time in a very long time, I feel like a monster.

My partner has told me once when we were in bed that his ‘family’ had been filling the kid’s head with anti-nightfolk ideologies and even some rather… well, blood-libel comments. I think he was trying to comfort me as he noticed the way the kid had been a lot more skittish with me than with him. He has been trying to explain that a lot of the stuff his folks talked about was lies and really bad stuff, but it’s hard unlearning these sort of things. I had suggested we postpone the wedding, at least till things settle.

I have been trying to seem less ‘intimidating’, not smiling with my fangs and trying to look smaller than I really am. But I’m worried he might never not be afraid of me. And I never told my partner, but I’m afraid that he will be forced to pick between me and the kid, and I don’t want him to do that as I know either option will hurt him.

So I’m asking. Is there anything I can do to try and help seem less… monstrous to my nephew?

I'm afraid there are no quick fixes here, reader. Your nephew has been exposed to some seriously toxic ideologies from a very early age. That isn't the sort of thing you can fix over night.

I would caution against trying too hard to diminish yourself or your creaturely traits as part of this process. You want your nephew to be comfortable with you, not with a nervous caricature of yourself.

Instead, I encourage you to behave at home as normally as you can, being as friendly as he'll allow you to be and respecting his boundaries when he expresses them.

If you haven't already, talk to your partner about what your strategies are going to be to improve the situation. This is a long-term project that needs complete buy-in from both of you to succeed.

As much as possible, your partner should be exposing your nephew to the idea of difference, teaching him that it's OK to notice that other people are different than him, but that he still needs to treat them with kindness and respect.

There are so many more resources available today to help children learn about these matters, from books and films to websites dedicated to help you discuss these issues in an age-appropriate way.

Books like Paws, Claws and More, What's for Lunch? and My Daddy's A Mummy are a great way to start these conversations and to help introduce your nephew to these ideas in a way that is accessible for him. Talk to your local librarian for more recommendations.

The best way for him to learn to trust you is through spending time with you, drowning out the hateful ideas he's been taught through real, lived experience of being safe and happy in the company of people in the community. Make sure to set time aside for all three of you to spend time together, doing activities your nephew will enjoy.

Of course, his exposure to the creature community shouldn't start and end with you. If you can, consider getting him involved in mixed genus groups where he can meet liminal children his own age. It might be a bit of an adjustment for him, but it will a huge boon to him in the long run.

Finally, please consider seeking out some additional support for yourself during this process. This is a difficult, highly emotional situation, and you need to find people who you can talk to about it beyond your partner, whether that's to talk through possible solutions or just to vent occasionally.

Fortunately, reader, if there's one thing children are built for, it's learning. It will take time and emotional commitment, but with a little effort, I think you and your partner will be able to teach your nephew a kinder way of looking at the world.

#answered #the nightfolk network #monstrous agonies

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kedreeva · 2 months

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what are some signs of upset or irritated peafowl? do peafowl shown signs of stress like excessive preening?

They do have stress signs, but excessive preening isn't typically one of them. If peafowl are missing feathers and it's not clearly a one-off situation where it comes right back and stays back, then it's usually because they have an ectoparasite like mites or lice, or there's bullying of some sort going on. Sometimes this is hierarchy related (like a hen snipping another hen's crown or a male letting a hen pluck his neck), sometimes it's aggression-related. If the birds are WAY overcrowded, then their social structure tanks and they will fight or pluck each other trying to make the other bird get out of their personal space. I OFTEN see photos of peafowl from overcrowded puppy-mill conditions that are missing large chunks or portions of feathers, sometimes as bad as having completely bald necks or backs. But I haven't seen a peafowl pluck themselves over anything except mites.

Typical stress behaviors look like fear or stereotypies. Pacing, clucking, looking for ways out/escape, constant movement all day (they spend a LOT of time loafing about if they're not stressed), even throwing themselves at walls/ceilings. Long term stress often leads to depressed immune systems so you will see birds getting sick often, lethargy, listlessness. Rather than excessive preening, you'd see a lack of preening, so messy or broken feathers are often an indicator (it's pretty rare for them to break feathers doing normal peafowl activities, but you see it if they're throwing themselves against stuff or away from other birds etc). They may also go off food/water, or at least eat and drink far less, which makes weight loss one of the first signs of stress or illness and it's unfortunately the symptom most likely to be overlooked- both because people aren't in the habit of regularly feeling up their birds (which they SHOULD be, BECAUSE weight loss happens SO fast with their metabolisms and is an easy and obvious indicator that something is wrong) and because people aren't usually educated in peafowl body condition scores. They're leaner than chickens, but they should never be Skinny. I have picked up birds at folks' farms and their chest is just a blade, just the keel bone sticking out prominently. That's Bad.

There's a few noises that they make that I think get misinterpreted by a lot of new owners. There's one in particular I have heard people refer to as a "purr" which is a small, soft trill. It sounds adorable. it is a growl that means "I'm about to kick your ass if you don't back the fuck up." It's one of the first noises they make under an acute stress, alongside of the "pik pik pik pik" cluck of distress.

#peafowl #asks #anon asks

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iamleesi · 27 days

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THE HUNTERS & THE SOLDIER

Pairing: Avenger! Bucky Barnes x OC! Avenger Reader

Summary: You and Bucky think there’s something the brothers are hiding. You and Dean go to investigate and let’s just say you leave the scene feeling worse than before.

Warnings: Mention of a missing person, mention of an alcoholic, creepy stuff.

Other: English isn’t my first language so I apologize for eventual mistakes. -> 18+ !!

-> Masterlist

-> Part two ; Part four

-> Investigation (03)

As the shrill sound of the alarm pierced silence of the morning, you groaned and reluctantly cracked open your eyes. God, if you were tired. You and Bucky had spent the whole previous night with Sam and Dean, talking about the case and getting to know each other a little better. It had been a bit awkward, though, because Bucky didn’t even try to look interested and you weren’t really the social butterfly either.

But those two? Dean was about as social as a dead snake and Sam… at least Sam tried. But it was kind of hard considering the evident fight the two brothers had going on, whatever the reason was.

Tossing aside the sheets, you swung your legs over the edge of the bed, your feet meeting the cold hardwood floor. The sunlight filtered through the curtains and you lazily rubbed your eyes and got up, walking towards the bathroom to take a quick shower.

You didn’t sleep much last night, as your mind kept reminding you of the case you were working on. You had dealt with Hydra-related missions before, but never like this. And for some reason, this time you felt a shiver run down your spine every time you thought about it.

You walked downstairs all refreshed, even if you wouldn’t be opposite to hop into bed once again, and the scent of coffee filled the rooms. You figured it must have been Bucky, since the spot on the couch where he slept on last night was empty. He had refused to sleep in the same bed as you and, honestly, you didn’t comply much. No reason to make the situation more awkward than it already was.

As you walked into the kitchen, your eyes immediately fell on Bucky who was engrossed in the files of the case spread out on the table.

You cleared your throat, breaking the silence as you sat down a few seats away from him. “Morning.”

Bucky glanced up, almost as if he didn’t even hear you walk in. But you know he did, he was just not acknowledging you. “Took you long enough.” He muttered.

You rolled your eyes as you poured yourself some coffee, frowning when you noticed some muffins on the table as well. “Who are those from?”

“I bought them this morning.” He grunted. “As a sweet husband buying breakfast for his wife.”

“Mrs Barnes appreciates.” You mocked him, as you didn’t think twice about eating one of those delicious muffins. You were starving without even realizing. “Anything new?” You asked, referring to the files.

“No.” He simply said. “But I think those two are hiding something.” He admitted, and that made you frown.

“Who? Sam and Dean?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, his eyes finding yours. “Don’t tell me you didn’t notice their behavior yesterday. They’re also related, Fury never sends siblings on a mission together since it could compromise the whole thing if feelings are involved.”

“I did notice, that’s why I called Fury.” You said. “He told me they’re good in what they do and that he had no other options.”

“Sounds weird.” He muttered.

“Very. But Fury knows what he’s doing, so… let’s just go with the flow.” You shrugged, biting the chocolate muffin. “Mrs Barnes would also love some pizza tonight.” You hinted, smirking at his annoyed expression.

“Eat that quickly because Dean is taking you on a trip today.” He rolled his eyes at you, getting up. “Should be here anytime now, I met him early this morning.”

“Uh?”

“He insisted on taking you to interrogate Cassandra’s family today, the nurse. See if you can find a lead or something.” He explained.

“Wasn’t I supposed to be the stay at home wife?” You raises a brown but didn’t complain. You could never complain if it meant trying to solve this case and go back home as soon as possible.

“Change of plans.”

“And you? What are you doing today?” You inquired. Knowing him, he’d never stay at home doing nothing.

“Sam’s gonna come over. There are a few files of missing people we need to look at.”

* * * *

You and Dean stood in front Cassandra’s parents’ house, both of you dressed formally for this. He gave you a fake badge that you had no idea how he got, but didn’t pry as it wasn’t the right time. He adjusted his tie, before turning to look at you. “Ready?” His voice was low, and he wanted to make sure you both were on the same page before starting.

Your nod was all he needed before he ran the bell, the sound was heard even from the outside.

It didn’t take long for someone to open the door, and soon enough it cracked open revealing Mrs Miller’s tear-streaked face. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her expression a mix of grief and suspicion.

“What do you want?” She snapped looking mostly at you rather than him, her voice full of bitterness.

Dean flashed his badge and the action reminded you to do the same, his expression remained stoic mirroring your own. “Mrs Miller, we’re the with the FBI. We need to ask you a few questions about your daughter.”

“Stepdaughter.” She clarified. The woman’s gaze flickered between the both of you, her demeanor was guarded which was rather suspicious. Or maybe it was just grief and she wanted to be left alone, you didn’t know. “I’ve already told the police everything I know. I don’t have time for this.”

You stepped forward as soon as you understood that she was about to close the door. “We understand this is a difficult time for you, Mrs Miller, but we’re here to know more about Cassandra. We want to bring her home.”

“Just…” The woman hesitated for a moment before reluctantly stepping aside, allowing you and Dean to walk inside. “Be quick.”

As you and him stepped over the threshold, you took your time to see your surrounding which weren’t exactly what you expected. Inside, the atmosphere was stagnant. You could see that all the windows in your sight were locked and dusty, which is something you didn’t notice from the outside.

At each step you took towards the living room, the flower beneath your weight cracked. The furniture was dusty, clearly untouched in a long, long time and the cobwebs hung from the ceiling - they almost occupied every angle of the house. The thing that really made you shiver were those pictures hanged on the walls.

The faces of Cassandra’s family starred back at you, their eyes seemed cold and lifeless. There was something off about the way they were arranged, but you couldn’t wrap your head around what it was.

You and Dean sat down onto the worn couch of the dusty living room, the tension could be cut with a knife. Mrs Miller hovered nearby, her movements seemed stiff and unnatural like a marionette being pulled by invisible strings.

On one side, you could understand. This woman had lost her only daughter just a few days ago - even if there were no proof she was dead, both you and Dean suspected it and maybe she thought so too.

Still, you knew something wasn’t quite right with the oldest woman.

Dean’s voice cut through the silence and the tense atmosphere as he began to ask questions about Cassandra’s whereabouts, his tone firm yet empathetic. “Can you tell us about Cassandra’s routine? Did she mention anything unusual happening to her the days before she went missing?”

Mrs Miller shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her eyes flickering for the slightest moment towards the staircase. “She - she was always so independent. She didn’t have - she didn’t tell me much about her comings and goings.” Not once she met his eyes. Nor yours. “She - she had - she had an ex boyfriend I think.”

You saw it then. There was a guardedness in her response, as if she was scared to say the wrong thing and spill too much information.

“Can you think of anyone who wanted to harm Cassandra in anyway?” You inquired, your eyes fixed solely on her. “Maybe this ex boyfriend of hers?“

Mrs Miller’s gaze shifted nervously between you and the man at your side, but when you spoke up her eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that sent a chill down your spine. Nothing ever scared you, but this somehow felt almost supernatural. “Adam was - is - was - an alcoholic. Yes, yes he is an alcoholic.”

“Can you tell us more about their relationship?” You asked, trying to keep your tone neutral.

Mrs Miller’s lips tightened, her eyes staring into yours - she seemed to despise you. She looked at Dean normally, but whenever she turned to look at you it felt like she wanted to come for your neck. “Why do you want to know about - about Adam? What does he have to do with any of this - leave him alone! Please leave him alone!”

“Mrs Miller, we’re not accusing anyone. We just want to know more about Cassandra.” Dean said softly, trying to calm her down.

Her eyes widened, her breath coming in shallow gasps. “She - she was always so careful. Always looked over her shoulders - oh, he needs to eat, do you mind letting him eat?” She started to ramble incoherent words after wards, which left both you and Dean momentarily speechless. “He needs to eat now - it’s the voices. Always whispering - he needs to eat. Always - I need to feed him… where’s my husband? My husband, where’s my husband?”

“It’s best if we leave, Dean.” You whispered as Mrs Miller’s sanity became thinner by the second.

The look she gave you felt almost threatening, as if you had asked something way too personal. “No. He needs to eat.” She said sternly. “Everyone in this family loved her. Everyone. Everyone.” She started to nervously pinch her arm, and you wondered if perhaps you asked the wrong thing. “Everyone loved her.” She repeated again, as if it was a mantra.

Dean was about to say something when you all heard a sudden noise from upstairs, a sharp bang that reverberated through the quiet house. It happened once, then twice and then it transformed to something that you associated with someone scratching wood.

“We should take a look upstairs.” Dean said, keeping his voice slow and steady considering that woman seemed to be getting worse by the second.

In fact, without any of you two saying another word, her composure began to crack; her breathing became more ragged and erratic. Then, without you could comprehend what the fuck was going on, she erupted into a fit of hysterical laughter, the sound echoing off the walls likens sinister symphony.

Before you or Dean could react, Mrs Miller rose to her feet in an instant, her movements were frenetic and unpredictable. “You can’t help her! No one can!” Her laugh intensified if possible.

You wish to say you never assisted to something like this before, but you’d lie. Your composure in front of her meltdown was something that would leave people questioning whether you were sane yourself or not.

“Mrs Mil-”

The woman cut him off in an instant. “You need to leave! You can’t help her!” She yelled, her voice echoing through the house and the cracks on the walls.

From the corner of your eye, you saw Dean wanting to interviene but you were quick to grab his arm. “Dean.” You warned, your voice low as the woman started to throw things around. “Let’s go.”

With one last glance at the crazy woman before you, Dean nodded - to your surprise, he had that same look on your face. He didn’t seem fazed by what was happening which left you with a few questions. Together you made your way to the door with Mrs Miller hysterical screams echoing in your wars.

You two stepped out of there closing the door behind you. Without a word you walked towards his car, but you suddenly stopped in your tracks - slowly, almost as if you felt someone watching you, you turned around again. Your eyes drifted to the upstairs window and your blood ran cold.

In the dim light, a shadowy figure loomed from behind the window; it’s form distorted and twisted. It seemed to sway ominously as if taunting you from the darkness. That thing stared back at you with those empty eyes - literally empty eyes, and your legs refused to move.

Dean followed your gaze, his jaw clenched. “It’s not my imagination, is it?” He muttered, his voice barely above a whisper.

“No.” You answered, your voice not louder than his.

You felt him grab your arm, and the next thing you knew is that he pulled you inside the car and drove away from the house - and you swore you were still feeling those empty eyes on you even when you were far away from it.

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dragonhybrid456 · 5 months

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CAN YOU WRITE KIETH OR LANCE X MALE READER

OR, OR, OR VOLTRON X READER HEADCANONS!! DATING OR CRUSHES OR COURTING IDC BUT USE GENDER NEUTRAL READER SO EVERYONE CAN READ IT ☺️

PLEASE

I went with the dating headcannons, hope you like them :)

Warning!! I have not finished Voltron completely yet, but I do know bits and pieces so this might be a bit ooc

Voltron dating headcannons (GN reader)

Keith:

* I like to think that his love language is acts of service

* He’s very new to the whole “dating” thing and isn’t really good with his words so he relies on doing things for you

* Need help training? He’s got you. Stressed out? He’s not the best at it, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try and help his lover

* I don’t see Keith as the type of guy to use a lot of pet names

* Like dont get me wrong, I love pet names, but I personally can’t see Keith using them

* As tough and mean he is to others, you see a softer side of him

* Not in a “he’s really a big baby on the inside” crap

* More of a “he feels more calm and relaxed around you”

* After a stressful mission, he will definitely enter your room without a word and just flop either next to you or on top of you

* No words would be expressed, all he needs is some quiet and you to decompress

* In no way would he EVER let you get hurt

* This man will protect you with his life

* He can’t stand the thought of losing you, it kills him just thinking about the “what if” situations

* Not a big social person, but if you are then I think he will at least tag along for the ride

* Keith definitely worries that he’s not the “best” or “ideal” boyfriend for you

* He’s part Galra, he’s mean, he’s abrasive, he’s stubborn, what could you possibly see in him?????

* He needs a reminder now and then that he’s enough for you and that you love him

* You’ll sometimes find him late at night in the training room if he’s had a tough day

* You’ll have to physically drag him into bed and hold him down for him to sleep

Lance:

* Oh boy, he’s not called “lover boy” for no reason

* Absolutely loves to compliment you every single day

* Calls you stuff like, “mi amor” and “my girl/boy/partner��

* He likes to show you off and talks about you a lot

* Honestly the rest of the team is a little sick of it but they are also happy that he found someone like you

* Takes you on joy ride in his lion when he has some downtime

* He gets an earful from Allura

* His love language is definitely physical affection

* He loves holding your hands, your hugs, kissing you any chance he gets, and cuddling you

* Thinks he’s the big spoon but is really the little spoon most of the time

* When he gets homesick, he likes to be around you and talk to you to distract himself

* But some nights he’s crying in your arms, missing home, missing his family, and not knowing if or when he gets to see them again

* He likes to tell you stories from when he was little, what his family is like, and stories from his time at the garrison

* Will complain to you about how Keith annoyed him this time

* Overall, definitely a great lover

Shiro:

* Shiro is definitely more experienced with love than the other two

* He calls you stuff like “darling” “sweetheart” and other cute older pet names

* His love languages are quality time and acts of service

* I like to think that with all the excitement and craziness that comes with being apart of Voltron that he likes to just spend time with his lover and relax

* You two don’t even have to be doing something together

* He could be reading while your in the same room doing something completely different and he wouldn’t mind, just as long as he’s around you after such a stressful day

* Has severe PTSD and get nightmares almost every night

* He’s used to dealing with it alone but once you enter the picture he’s gonna have to get used to you waking up with him to comfort him

* Always tells you to go back to sleep and that “it’s nothing” but you know better than that

* He also has some self esteem issues about his metal arm, being disgusted by it some days and wanting nothing more than for it to disappear

* Please comfort him, space dad needs some love 🥺

* Likes to listen to you talk, your voice grounding him to reality and comforting him in times of need

* Like Keith, he is also protective of you

* After Adams death, he can’t help but have nightmares of you meeting the same fate

* Sometimes he becomes so paranoid about it that you have fights about missions you are sent on

* He knows you can take care of yourself, he trained you after all, but that won’t ease his nerves and memories about Adam

Hunk

* MY FAVORITE BOY 😍😍😍

* He’s so sweet to you, you don’t understand!

* He likes to call you “baby” “baking partner” or just a shorten version of your name if you have one

* His love languages is definitely gift giving and physical affection

* He loves cooking and baking new recipes for you to try and give him feedback

* With physical affection, he’s gonna be a bit nervous in the beginning about it, having never been in a relationship before, but he slowly starts to get more into it

* Hand holding, cuddling, hugging, there all his favorite ways to say he loves you

* He definitely one of the more nervous one when it comes to you fighting along side Voltron

* Hunk himself is more of a pacifist and is therefore already a little uneasy about even HIMSELF fighting

* So for you, his lover, to be put in the front lines with them has him very uneasy and nervous

* He just loves you so much he would never forgive himself if something happened to you 🥺

* He is always there if you have something on your mind that’s bothering you

* Whether it’s something small or large, he will always listen to you

* And vice versa, if he has something on his mind, be there for him cause he sometimes feels like he’s not listened to by the others

Pidge

* Definitely the least experienced out of the group (her and Keith are like neck and neck)

* I don’t see her using pet names, much like Keith

* Idk it just strikes me as odd for her to use pet names

* She definitely has stupid nicknames for you, but not stuff like baby or sweetheart

* If you don’t like that, sue me

* Her love language is definitely quality time

* She likes when you come around while she’s working on a new project so she can geek out about it

* You don’t even have to understand anything she says, she just likes when you’re around her when she’s working

* Also has you test some of the safer projects, she would never let you NEAR the more outrageous ones

* Unlike the others, she’s actually really open to you fighting along side her

* Don’t get me wrong, she would murder everyone if you got hurt, but she likes working with you and strategizing

* Will make you a weapon and enhanced suit if you asked

* Even if you don’t, she probably already has them in the works

#voltron x reader #Voltron #shiro x reader #keith x reader #lance x reader #hunk x reader #pidge x reader #reqs open #voltron headcanons

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bi-hanslefttittie · 23 days

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"Nulla poena sine culpa" (1/???)

Summary: Bi-Han x Reader. Organized crime AU. Reader and Bi-Han meet again after a traumatic event after the death of his father. Not proofread.

Characters: Bi-Han, Reader (Gender neutral, referred to as Y/N), Tomas, Kuai Liang, small Liu Kang cameo, Raiden and Kung Lao mentioned, kinda.

Word count: 3.5K

Content Warning: THIS CHAPTER IN SPECIFIC DEALS WITH HEAVY TOPICS ABOUT ROUGH CHILDHOODS (Mostly based in my memories growing up in a barrio) Poverty, Food insecurity, Drug use, Drug manifacturing, crime, gun incidents, gun related death, implied patricide (?, homelesness, drinking, bars.

A/N: Like I said previously, a lot of what is described in this specific chapter are chunks of my own childhood on a rough neighborhood. I tried to be as respectful with the topic as someone who survived this type of stuff <3

A/N 2: This will be series, probably. I will be writing parts as soon as my imagination requires me to, and the next episodes will be solely focused on 2024 and how Bi-Han runs things (and maybe finds love???) So, SLOW BURN. (P.S. search what the title means and I will be very happy)

White Rabbit.

It was a Sunday afternoon on an unnamed street in a place everyone had sworn they had lived in at least once. Y/N sat down on the sidewalk as they traced a drawing on chalk. A small white bunny is being chased by a blonde girl. Recently they had watched a VHS their brother had brought from his work at Blockbuster and was played on a loop. It was all there was to watch, after all. Though Y/N did not mind at all, as a matter of fact. The movie had brought them comfort in the complicated days they had lately. One single egg on the fridge, yet their brother could do wonders in the kitchen.

Y/N mindlessly colored the drawing, filling the dress with a light blue. Blue. What a familiar color, they thought as they raised their head to the nearby house. The prettiest one in the neighborhood. Also, the biggest one. I had always been curious since it was a pretty poor neighborhood. Yet that family seemed to be well off.

Blue and red lights blinked from the patrol car and ambulance parked in the neighbor's yard.

It seemed like their neighbors had run into some trouble. What a shame. Their eyes scanned the scene as they watched the 3 boys who lived there abandon the place accompanied by a social worker. The eldest seemed perturbed. The kid was maybe one or two years older than Y/N. As he explained the situation to the social worker and his youngest brother sobbed in the middle child's arms, the black-haired kid locked eyes with Y/N as he furrowed his brows, almost as if telling them off. They were surprised by this and decided to lower their head and continue their coloring. Intrigued by what had happened.

It had been in the newspapers the day next. Y/N sat as they ate their breakfast and listened to their older brother read the news to them. "Tragic Accident unfolds on household: Man leaves 3 children behind." Y/N's ears perked. An accident, you say?

"What happened?" They asked as they stared out the window at the house in front, munching on the grilled cheese sandwich their brother prepared. Y/N's brother shook his head and sighed.

"There was a loaded gun at the house. Apparently, it fell. The bullet ricocheted." He scratched his chin and closed the curtains so his little sibling would stop looking out the window. "I hear his oldest was there. Poor kid, I can't imagine what he's going through."

"Hey, Y/N. If you go play with the kids next door don't talk to them about what happened, okay? They don't need to be sad."

"Okay. No talking about them about their dad." Y/N repeated, then sipped from their glass.

Later that evening, they went to the kid's house, moving past the police tape, and knocked on the door, but nobody was home. Y/N sat down in the doorway and kicked their legs trying to survive their boredom. Their brother worked all day, so they had to entertain themselves in the meantime.

As they moved surrounding the house, Y/N was surprised to see a window unlocked. Seizing the chance, they opened the window and climbed it, clumsily landing on a nearby couch. They closed their eyes for an instant, rubbing their back where they had hit themselves. Then, they stood up, scanning the place: The house was nice inside, too.

That was something relevant for them to notice.

There weren't a lot of framed pictures, but the ones that they did spot looked almost... Militaristic, too serious, too still. Only one white-haired child smiled in them; the rest of the people featured usually kept a stern and reserved look. Y/N's eyes locked on the photograph of the eldest child: He was sitting in a chair and he covered half of his face with his hand, visibly annoyed. It registered on their mind that maybe he had not been upset with them for staring the day before, but rather, that he looked like that most of the time.

Finding the thought amusing, Y/N left the photograph in its place and continued their exploration of the house, heading to the kitchen.

They stopped for a moment as they saw an expertly crafted laboratory on the table. Y/N tilted their head as they approached, touching the glassware, fascinated by the colors of it and running a hand along the wood surface, stumbling over two small plastic bags containing two colorful pills each, read "drink me" and "eat me." The kid held them and inspected them. <<Just like Alice>> They thought, then scrunched their nose putting the bags down. They knew what Molly was. Their brother kept a few of those on his nightstand for when his nights became unbearable.

The kid pondered on what they had learned for a second. Well, that explained why they were loaded.

Maybe it was time to leave. Y/N realized and made their way back to the living room, accidentally tripping and falling face-first onto the floor. They groaned, incorporating themselves only slightly, rubbing their face and realizing exactly where they had fallen.

A chalk drawing. Just like the one they had made the day before on the sidewalk, only this time it traced a human figure. An adult man's figure. Their breath hitched and they fell on their back, watching in horror the scene. The crime scene.

Their stomach turned, and as they prepared themselves to leave-

Bump! A sports bag landed on the floor then a kid entered the house quickly. It was that boy! Their neighbor... The two children locked eyes an instant, and he flinched assuming a defensive stance.

"Who are you?" He pointed at them and lifted them up the floor with ease. "What are you doing here?"

"I- Uh-" They stumbled on their words nervously, then looked up and down at him. His eyes were red and swollen, and there was a hint of timidness behind his aggression. They noticed his hands were shaking. "Are you all right?"

The boy froze in place and pressed his lips together as he held back his tears, unsure of what to answer. Obviously, he was not doing good. He was a child out in the wild after his father died, and not knowing why, Y/N couldn't help but feel a terrible grief, the most horrendous pain striking their chest. His eyes widened in shock as he saw the kid in front of him begin crying... almost as if they had been crying for him.

Awkwardly, Bi-Han attempted to calm them down, patting their back roughly and looking around. "Hey, hey, it's fine." He muttered and ran a hand through his hair, flicking a tear out of their eye and forcing himself to keep control of the situation, as he always did. "Look. Stop crying, I need you to calm down." He attempted, and after a while, Y/N nodded and wiped their tears away.

Relieved, the boy sighed and stared at them with cold sternness, one that didn't belong to a boy his age. "Who else is here?"

"... no one- Just- Just me." They sniffed and hiccuped. Making the other kid roll his eyes and turn, desperately searching for things and turning the house upside down with quick ability. He looked tense, afraid of something, and that piqued their curiosity: Leaning over his shoulder as he ran his hands under the couch, finding the thing he was looking for. A... box of crayons? It was the same brand that Y/N used, the one with a white bunny on the front. He emptied the box in his bag. Bullets. Oh-

He discarded the box, and Y/N crouched, putting it in their pocket. He grunted and continued to get rid of a bunch of different stuff.

"If you're going to stay here. At least help me." He told them panicked. Y/N flinched and stared down at the black-haired boy, who didn't turn to look at them, too focused on his task.

"... What do I do?" Y/N asked, and he moved on his knees toward the TV, moving it and removing the money hidden behind it. He counted it concentrated.

"Go upstairs. You will see four rooms. Go to the first one to your right. That is my siblings' room. Next to the bunk beds, there's a trunk. Open it. Bring a pair of shoes of each size, then go to the closet and look for a pair of Pajamas, again, one on each size. Also shirts and pants..." He stopped for a second, thinking about what else would his brothers need. "Toothpaste. And their toothbrushes."

Y/N nodded then they turned to go upstairs, but he stopped them. "There's also a stuffed animal. The gray one, not the brown one... Tomas can't sleep without it." Bi-Han considered. His little brother being unable to sleep was his personal nightmare since he would have to take care of him. Too much responsibility for a kid his age.

Both had managed to pack everything in the bag Bi-han had brought and as he checked for anything else, Y/N tilted their head.

"You didn't pack anything for yourself." They noted, making Bi-Han flinch and shrug.

"Oh- Right." He stood up and approached the staircase, and while arriving at the second step, his watch beeped and his eyes widened. "I'm late!" Bi-Han made his way to the living room, abandoning the prospect of packing his own things. He grabbed his bag. Y/N was startled by his sudden change in attitude and grabbed his hand.

"Wait- Late for what?"

"there's no time! I have to go!" He approached the window and carefully jumped down, abandoning the place. Y/N's curiosity rose and decided to follow along, trying to keep his pace as they fell from the window and incorporated, running behind him.

"Hey, I helped you- At least tell me your name!" Y/N tried to reach him with her hand in a strange game of tag.

"Bi-Han!" He answered as he ran away, disappearing in between houses and bushes. They had to stop following him at some point, and as they panted, they repeated his name, out of breath.

"Bi-Han." What a kid. Certainly.

Y/N had only seen Bi-Han a few times after that. Spotting him twice at a bus stop. He held his youngest brother's hand and argued with the other about something. When they saw each other, Y/N waved. He simply nodded acknowledging their presence in response. Not the warmest response, but one that they appreciated, nonetheless.

It might have been a weird thing to say. But they had always wondered what exactly had happened to that boy after that incident. A kid taking care of his two brothers... They couldn't start imagining what was of him. Yet, Y/N hoped he was doing better.

They had kept the crayon box until it faltered and then cut it to incorporate it into her phone case as a small memento of that day. Somehow, it had survived time and kept them company.

It was 2024, and things looked better for Y/N. Working as a small artist and muralist, they were able to know a whole bunch of people and their stories. They related to a lot of them, that much was true.

Today, a bar had commissioned them to paint their wall accordingly. The <<Lin Kuei>>, they muttered to themselves as they finished the design and took a few steps back to better appreciate the sketch. Y/N hummed contentedly. They had made a beautiful winter landscape as the man had ordered and wiped the sweat on their forehead. They continued their work, spray painting and doing the final linework with chalk, a weird habit they had gained since their childhood. With a satisfied sigh, they signed it "White Rabbit."

"Ah- Well, look at that." Tomas, the man who hired them lifted his head from the motorcycle he was currently fixing with his brother, Kuai Liang, and gave him a gentle nudge so he could also appreciate the work done on the wall. Kuai Liang smirked. "It's great." Then, turned back to what he was doing, checking the engine and tapping it twice.

Tomas palmed Y/N's back and shook them gently. "It's perfect, thank you. You did a great job." He snapped a picture of the finished work and grinned ear to ear. The man was very nice and they had managed to get along.

"Well, you gave me a lot of free reign to work with, so." They smiled back, then extended their hand to him. "Uh- About my check."

"uh? oh! Right. I don't do payments, sorry-." He shook his head and then elaborated. "My brother is in charge of that."

"Oh, okay." They turned to stare at Kuai Liang, who upon noticing their gaze. Chuckled and shook his head.

"No, not me. The other one. He's inside." Oh, there were three of them. Okay. Kuai Liang pointed inside of the bar, where a man sat down speaking to another. All right, time to talk to the another-other brother. Y/N nodded politely and entered into the bar, a cold space. <<Fits their mural.>> They thought to themselves as they got closer to the table in the back, two long-haired men discussing something.

"You need me to enter this place and ask for their fee... Just to see if two recruits are ready?" The shorter man raised an eyebrow while he put his glass down. He seemed to be a bit indignant by the task assigned to him. The other man, in a more pacific manner, nodded.

"I need you to see if these two can handle for themselves." He smiled kindly, something that was only responded to by an annoyed grunt and a look of resignation. Y/N couldn't help but notice the strange dynamic, hoping they had not heard anything they might have regretted later.

Once the conversation was over, one of the men rose from the table and shook hands with the other, abandoning the bar and only acknowledging Y/N with a small "evening." To which they responded faintly. Then turned to see the man who was sitting. He looked familiar. Though they couldn't quite put a finger on it.

"Yes?" He asked roughly, and they shifted their position quickly. He was definitely not like his brothers, and he did not seem to be very blessed when it came to patience. They scratched the back of their neck.

"Yeah, uh- I'm the person that was just- The one that did your wall." Y/N blurted out as they observed the man lean back on his chair and lift his chin in a dignified and elegant manner. Wow. Just... Wow. His mannerisms. They belonged in what would have been the description of someone who held immense power, yet had not the need to flaunt it. It was disciplined, stern, and even-

"I can see that." He gestured at the paint stains on their clothing, and they looked down at them for an instant before turning back to see him and chuckling nervously. "What do you need?"

"Uh-. My payment" Y/N answered quietly, making him react slightly. They could have sworn they heard him scoff and smirk, but it had been such a rapid thing that they could not actually confirm it. The man grabbed his wallet and began counting, and they noticed something in particular as he opened it. A small cutout of the crayon brand they used as a kid. The one with the white rabbit.

"A hundred, a hundred and fifty..." He licked his thumb and continued. But Y/N had to get to the bottom of the issue.

"Do we know each other?" They asked bluntly, making Bi-Han stop what he was doing and stare at them in annoyed confusion.

"What?" He asked.

"Do we know each other from somewhere? Like, did we go to school together or something?" Y/N tried to guess as they tried to gauge Bi-Han's expression. His seriousness faltered slightly as his eyes darted around, trying to remember the person in front of him.

"Highly unlikely." He answered not very amused at the fact that he had to count the money all over again. And so, he began once again. "Fifty, a hundred, a hundred and fif-"

"What's your name?"

Bi-Han stopped and put the money on the table, crossing his legs and tilting his head. "Do you want to get paid today?" He inquired in an upset tone. Making Y/N fall silent. The man was surely short-tempered. And that made it ring even more bells. They scrunched their nose and apologized. He sighed. "Bi-Han."

Bi-Han? Where did they hear that name before?

A memory flashed in her brain. The kid from so many years ago. Their white rabbit-. Huh. They went pale and sat down next to Bi-Han, who did not understand what was going on exactly and stared at them as if they were idiotic. Y/N took their time to recompose and smiled at him.

"We were neighbors. Once."

"Neighbors?" Bi-Han questioned, his eyes fixating on the person next to him as he checked their appearance, they didn't seem like anyone he knew. "I'm not sure that's true."

"I was in your house. The day you packed your things and left."

It was as if a very old memory had come back to haunt him. His face turned pale and his body stiffened as he remembered why exactly he come to pack his things. The day after his father had passed, he had taken it upon himself to take care of his brothers as it was necessary. All to avoid them going into the system, especially not after what Tomas had gone through. Bi-Han remembered getting them to a bus stop and sending them away until he could actually look for them. It had been a herculean task that in the end gave him the position he was in right now. The place his father had once occupied.

He had made sure there was no evidence left of himself in that house after what had happened. But he had forgotten one crucial detail. He was a child back then, after all. Bi-Han had not considered eyewitnesses.

After a long silence, he raised his head and glared at them. That nosy kid.

"Who else knows I was in that house that day?" Bi-Han took a sip of his glass, trying not to sound too aggravated. Which was difficult, considering the situation he was in.

"No one."

"No one?"

"I mean" Oh boy. "I told my older brother, but he passed. So I don't think it matters anymore."

So the only other person that knew was dead. Well, at least that was something, he thought to himself. But then again, that would leave him with that person. If they opened their mouth...

The statute of limitations was 20 years. Which would be due in two years more. He was not free of what had happened that day yet. Bi-Han was against the ropes. But he would not make a rash decision.

"Keep the change." He handed them a large sum of money making their eyes widen.

"But this... This is too much."

"It's fine. Just... Leave." He ran a hand through his face, then pointed at the exit. Catching the clue, Y/N left. A bit conflicted by the fact that he was not too enthusiastic about meeting them.

So that's what became the boy from the house in front of them. Huh. They thought as they drove their van back home. The man lingered in their thoughts. He was different, though that same stern older brother vibe emanated from him, still. They smirked, a bit entertained by the memory. They were glad for him. It seemed like he and his brothers were doing just fine.

Bi-Han sat conflicted as he fidgeted with a lighter, listening to the complaining of a traitor being corrected in the parking lot. Though his mind was somewhere else.

Y/N... They were a danger for everything Bi-Han had fought for. A danger for himself and one for his brothers. He did not trust anyone else but himself in that aspect.

With a gesture, he called his youngest brother. He wiped the grease off his face with a nearby towel and after putting it aside, he approached him. "Yeah?"

"That person. The one that came to do the painting job-"

"Who, Y/N?" Tomas asked as he ran his hands on his pants, making Bi-Han scrunch his nose in disapproval and hand him another towel with a grunt. He accepted it and smirked, amused.

"Yes, them. Do you have their number?" Bi-Han requested curtly, immediately annoyed at his brother's reaction. Tomas's eyes glowed in amusement, and he felt compelled to tease his older brother about it. However, once seeing his expression, decided against it.

"Yes. I do, actually. Do you want me to give it to you?" The younger man replied nonchalantly. Bi-Han nodded. And so, it was done.

He called them a few days later. "I need you to do a wall inside the bar as well. Are you available?" Bi-Han consulted them, and they chuckled.

"Sure, whatever you need." Good.

He needed to keep her as close as possible, gauge answers and make sure they would keep quiet for at least the two years they were left. That little arts and crafts project should keep them distracted enough. If not, he had other 3 walls to keep them occupied. Bi-Han just hoped he did not have to recur to other things.

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ms-awesome52 · 8 months

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I don't think Jax isn't as big of a jerk as he lets on

Spoilers for THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS! Pilot. It's on YouTube

I've watched Glitch's new pilot and find the character of Jax really interesting. He comes off as a major jerk, and he is, but I feel he cares a lot more and is kinder than he lets on. I'm going to go through his major moments and break down how many of them were kinder or more harmless than many assume.

1: Meeting/interacting with Pomni

When Pomni first joins the circus, it's obvious that she's confused and freaking out. Ragatha attempts to sugar-coat what's happening when Pomni asks about leaving. Jax rips the band-aid off and tells her that they can't leave. At that moment, Pomni is looking for answers, not comfort, and this may be my autism talking, but Jax's bluntness and ability to get straight to the point likely helped Pomni understand the situation and prosses her new reality much quicker than if they just let Ragatha tip-toe around the topic. Later when they're on their way to meet Kaufmo, Jax makes a joke about Pomni trying to pretend this was all a dream. Both of the previous times Pomni claimed it was a dream, he was the only one to react, and he did it in a way that made it obvious that he and the others knew it wasn't a dream, as to not give her false hope, while also not outright making fun of her. Another thing to point out is that Pomni never has a negative reaction to Jax. To a situation Jax pointed out? Yes. To Jax himself? No. While this isn't an indication of how Pomni feels about Jax, it does show that Jax's comments didn't hurt her.

2: His interactions with Zooble

Zooble and Jax seem to have the most similar mindset. When Jax says that they can't leave and stuff, they'll tell him to shut up and then confirm and/or agree with what he said. They're both sarcastic and don't want to bother with meaningless fluff, which is why they both avoid going on the Gloinks quest at first. They both know that the Gloinks aren't a threat and are just an inconvenience. I get major sibling energy from their dynamic.

3: His interactions with Kinger and Gangle

(These are some of the harder ones to explain but here we go) Kinger and Gangle are the least stable of the main cast as far as I can tell. Kinger is a anxious mess that has forgotten human social cues while Gangle's emotions are dictated by her masks, which are easy to break (Caine probably fixes them often since Gangle says that her comedy mask is broken again). Since he knows the Gloinks are harmless and that Zooble is in no real danger, he trusts the day's quest to them. When he learned that Kaufmo abstracted, he ran away to where they were. When there, he says that Kaufmo is fine (sarcastically, but they didn't pick up on that and I get the vide that he didn't expect them to) then he hears the abstracted Kaufmo and pushes them both into the Gloink hole and jumping in himself. He later confesses that he was only down there to avoid Kaufmo. I interpreted this as him being helpful because 1: he got both Kinger and Gangle to safety and 2: He did it without telling them because while Pomni needed his bluntness, they didn't and telling them straight up before it was truly necessary because they needed to finish the quest so Caine would be there to take care of Kaufmo. If they knew, they would have been to panicked to finish the quest and that would have been a much more dangerous situation.

4: His interactions with Ragatha

Ragatha is the character we see him mess with the most, but she and Zooble also are the characters that are able to handle his jabbing the best, which is likely why he focuses on them instead of those who would be more hurt by his words. When they learn that Kaufmo abstracted, he ran and left them behind, but I see no reason why he wouldn't assume they would run as well. I also get sibling vibes here.

5: His reactions/interactions with Caine and the world itself

Jax seems to be the human that understands how the Circus works the best. When Pomni shows up the first thing he mentions is that they're going to need to rework the theme song to work her in. He also understands the formula best, predicting a brand new adventure (implying that Caine reuses adventures sometimes, like replaying a level in a videogame). This is also the reason I think he knew to go finish the quest to bring Caine back. Another thing to consider is the fact that he has keys to everyone's room. How would he get his hands on those if he didn't understand the mechanics of the digital world? At the end he has a debate with Kinger about Kinger feeling the need to explain that they don't need to eat after Jax says that he's hungry.

TL:DR Jax is blunt when he needs to be, but also knows when to hide info, he only goes as far as he knows the others can handle and he understands the world enough to be able to get the others to a safe area if anything serious happens. (please note, I'm explaining, not excusing any of his behavior. There are many situations where I feel he does take it a bit to far)

#spoilers #the amazing digital circus #the amazing digital circus spoilers #the amazing digital circus jax

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isfjmel-phleg · 1 month

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After my presentation of the Secret Garden and CEN paper, someone in the audience asked about applying the lens of CEN to other children's book from the same era. I thought about it afterward, and the best example that came to mind was Anne of Green Gables.

Anne Shirley, before her arrival at Green Gables, has experienced CEN. It has played out in a much different way for her than it does for Mary and Colin in TSG, due to differences in social class, but the principle has been the same. As an orphan raised in homes that viewed her as an inconvenience and a sort of unpaid servant, she has never had an adult in her life who prioritized her emotional well-being, who took the time to be kind to her, to listen to her, to teach her how to function in the world beyond basic survival. She is aware that no one wants her after her parents' death, and she is made to feel guilty by her caretakers for having the audacity to exist and need to be "brought up by hand." It's difficult for Anne to even talk about these experiences when Marilla asks her. She's relieved to get relating them over with, because "Evidently she did not like talking about her experiences in a world that had not wanted her."

And then there's this exchange:

“Were those women—Mrs. Thomas and Mrs. Hammond—good to you?” asked Marilla, looking at Anne out of the corner of her eye. “O-o-o-h,” faltered Anne. Her sensitive little face suddenly flushed scarlet and embarrassment sat on her brow. “Oh, they meant to be—I know they meant to be just as good and kind as possible. And when people mean to be good to you, you don’t mind very much when they’re not quite—always. They had a good deal to worry them, you know. It’s a very trying to have a drunken husband, you see; and it must be very trying to have twins three times in succession, don’t you think? But I feel sure they meant to be good to me.”

Anne has clearly been mistreated, but she's describing--and pointedly not describing--suggests less of aggression and physical harm and more of something missing, an emptiness, a lack of love--CEN. Likewise, she herself exhibits some signs that can be associated with this type of maltreatment. Difficulty with emotional regulation, attachment problems, extreme sensitivity to rejection, negativity toward herself, excessively immersing herself in imagination (a mild dissociative tendency), anxiety around social situations (regarding how to behave correctly and whether people will like her), etc.

And in a way, the entire first book of the series deals with how she finds healing from her past of CEN, through gaining the love and acceptance of her new family, of friends, of an entire community.

From what little I know of L. M. Montgomery's life, CEN was likely a factor in her own upbringing, and it repeatedly features in her novels (The Blue Castle and Jane of Lantern Hill, for instance, in particular feature heroines who have experienced CEN) with poignancy. Montgomery paints moving portraits of how badly children can be scarred by a lack of love and affirmation.

Anyway, situating Anne's backstory as rooted in CEN helped me put my finger on one of the reasons that I felt that the recent series Anne With an E--at least the first season, which is all I've seen--misunderstood the nature of Anne's past. In this version, we see flashbacks to Anne's past, in which she is being viciously bullied by other children for her talkativeness and imagination. They even go so far as to stuff a mouse into her mouth, and the show suggests that Anne has PTSD as a result of this kind of treatment.

And yeah, Anne's childhood in the book isn't great and clearly has hurt her deeply, but this interpretation felt off to me. What Anne has to say--and not say--about her past in the book suggests not that she was targeted as an object of others' aggression but that she was disregarded. No one was giving her a second thought. That's not as dramatic and shocking as vicious bullying, but it's another, more subtle, insidious kind of maltreatment, just as hurtful in its way but harder to pin down. It's easy to portray a quick, sensational scene of our protagonist being obviously, overtly, grandiosely mistreated, but how do you show the gradual piling up of years' and years' of being treated like you don't matter? All the tiny incidents that chip away at one's sense of self-worth? The building of a worldview in which you must earn love and acceptance but somehow you can never manage it and of course it's your own fault?

And I'm reminded how recent adaptations and retellings of TSG shift the narrative toward grief, which is easy to dramatize, big and impressive and full of obvious pathos. It's an easy way out of depicting a subtler kind of suffering, and the same way, Anne With an E replaces Anne's CEN with bullying and PTSD. There is a place for such stories, but Anne's isn't one of them. It's almost as if there's an inability to understand or a reluctance to depict any kind of suffering that isn't big and grand and shocking. There are many ways that people can be deeply hurt, and it doesn't always look like a major traumatic event that's easy to pinpoint. Sometimes the hurt isn't a tidal wave that engulfs in a single devastating event; it's a slow drip that erodes oneself away little by little. That's closer to what is depicted for Anne, and Montgomery's other protagonists who have experienced CEN, and it's important to recognize what exactly is going on because this sort of thing still happens every day in the real world, in many forms, and it needs to be seen and combatted. And seeing this form of maltreatment play out in literature helps us recognize it and empathize with and reach out to those whom it has impacted--or possibly even to identify it in our own histories and search for our own healing.

#I apologize if not everything is phrased perfectly - I'm just working through some initial thoughts on this #but I hope the point of what I'm trying to communicate will get through

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